Talk N Shop A-Mania: …..Wow
IMG Credit: Fite TV
Talk N Shop A-Mania
Date: August 1, 2020
Location: Doc Gallows’ Backyard
Commentators: Karl Anderson, Doc Gallows, Rocky Romero
I really don’t know what to say about this as it is not going to be a normal wrestling show. The whole thing was filmed in Gallows’ backyard and the main event is a Boneryard (not a typo) match between the Good Brothers’ alter egos of Sex Ferguson and Chad 2 Badd, who you might remember from Southpaw Regional Wrestling. These guys can be hilarious and I’m morbidly curious about what is going on here. Let’s get to it.
Also note that I don’t listen to the podcast that helped set this up so if there are any jokes or references I don’t get, I apologize in advance.
The Good Brothers and Romero welcome us from their podcast and explain the idea of the show. They have flown people around the country to do this show with Coronavirus prevention and have some advice for us: get rather drunk and have a good time. There is no disrespect meant for anyone and it is all meant in fun with a big wink. Gallows does a Bruce Buffer style intro and recommends we take off our pants. Anderson: “And Gallows, a big f*** you for making us do this.”
What have I gotten myself into?
Anderson is filming to start and finds his “Hot Asian Wife” (he has a shirt that says “Property Of My Hot Asian Wife”) hula hooping in rather limited clothing. She finds out he’s there and offers to flash the camera, sending Anderson running off.
We cut to Anderson arriving at the house (in a HAW, for Hot Asian Wife, shirt) and helps Rocky Romero out of the back of his truck. They walk into Gallows’ backyard and find Teddy Long, who is here “To get f****** paid. Now step back six feet.” They keep going and Dave Penzer handles their intro as they go through an entrance and, after another quick walk, they find the ring. The trio welcomes us to the show, with a wide shot showing that they are all alone with Penzer and the cameraman. Oh and one more camerawoman on a wide shot.
Chad 2 Badd (Anderson) doesn’t like the idea of Sex Ferguson (Gallows) thinking he was the leader of the team.
Ferguson rants about Badd messing everything up and being influenced by Paul Layman. The Boneryard match is on and Gallows does an Undertaker eye roll while promising to make Chad “rest in feces.”
Commentary welcomes us to the show and give us a quick explanation of how this whole thing came together. The Good Brothers aren’t sure who wins the main event, but Romero likes ham.
Battle Royal
That’s a social distancing battle royal of course and Chavo Guerrero jumps in on commentary. We’re on a wide shot so I’m not even sure who all is involved and most of them don’t get an entrance (I’ll leave the name off because there are a bunch of surprise entrants). Beach (I think that’s his name at least) has a bunch of pool noodles under his arms. Manning, the Manscout, walks out through the entrance with his scout guide (it’s his thing) after the bell rings and everyone else is in the ring. He’s joined by a rather large man named Freight Train and the two join everyone else. Train dumps Rozelli, plus three more guys (only one is named as Little Knobbs) and then Manning. Gallows: “I kind of wish we were back in New York!”
Lazer, who looks like Hurricane (or “who looks like that guy we can’t name” according to Anderson) dives onto the pile at ringside but here’s Stang (appears to be Anderson in a Sting costume, complete with face paint, but might be Heath Slater) to point the bat at him. That goes nowhere but Mike Bennett runs in, looks around, and eliminates himself. Everyone left in the ring beats Beach with the pool noodles and toss him out. Gallows begs the wrestlers not to sue him because he doesn’t have a job anymore but stops because he realizes Pillman is in this thing.
The guy in the blue jacket is eliminated and it’s Pillman into a wrestling sequence with Sgt. Hammerlock. Train very slowly (on purpose) clotheslines them down and throws Hammerlock out. We’re down to Train and Pillman but here’s Alex Kozlov (the podcast editor) to join things. Kozlov lights up a cigarette and kicks Train in the corner before taking Pillman down.
Cue Kozlov’s bearded mother (that’s what she’s called) to beat on him with a purse. She does the same to Train and Pillman helps her get rid of him before Mother clears the ring. Hold on though as here’s Chico El Luchador (Rocky Romero in a mask, complete with surgical mask as a bonus, and Chavo HATES him) to Stun Mother and throw her out for the win at 6:50 (in theory, as there are no bells on this show).
Rating: D+. As you might have guessed, the match quality has absolutely nothing to do with the value of the show here as they are riffing on every single thing taking place. This was almost a parody of a battle royal and I had a good time with it, which is all you can say about something like this one. The run ins were fun and knowing the wrestlers wasn’t the point.
Post match Chico makes the belt motion to Chavo, who really isn’t happy. Chico gets a belt as Chavo accuses him of being from Bolivia. Oh and he’ll shoot Chico.
Gallows talks to Kozlov, who doesn’t speak much English. He blames his mother, who runs up and beats him with the purse. Anderson: “HIS MOTHER IS REAL!”
Ferguson arrives and asks Mike Bennett for pills. Bennett hands them over and speeds off before his wife finds out.
Penzer: “And I thought Sturgis sucked.” Teddy Long comes up to laugh at him.
Frankie Coverdale vs. Paul Lee
This is a Contract On A Tree match and Lee is doing a pretty awesomely bad Ric Flair impression, including driving onto Gallows’ lawn in a Corvette. As he walks to the ring, he passes a dancing Maria Kanellis in a swimsuit but in the next shot she is replaced by a rather heavy woman in the same kind of outfit. Commentary cracks up over the ridiculously long entrance, including ranting about how Lee wipes his feet before getting in the ring but no one wiped their feet before coming into the house.
Lee’s trunks say “Ric WHO” and they touch elbows to start. Coverdale, who I believe was in the battle royal, grabs a waistlock to start but Lee gyrates his way out. Lee throws him outside….and Coverdale just runs off towards a pond, which Gallows says isn’t even on his property, for the countout at about 1:40. Well that was quick. No tree was ever shown, but then again what would the contract be for?
Chico brags about winning the title and talks about the heat his family has with the Guerreros. He wants Chavo in a title match, if the Good Brothers have the money.
We cut back to Lee headlocking Coverdale in the middle of a field and shouting WOO a lot. Gallows tries to conduct an interview but gives up.
George North vs. Stump Kowalski
This is a hardcore match and Stump looks like a Hornswoggle sized Big Papa Pump. Kowalski 2x4s him down and we cut to another shot to North’s back, with commentary bragging about their crazy editing skills. They head outside with Stump swinging a kendo stick in slow motion but only hitting post. North grabs a headlock and drags him off as he rains in right hands. Commentary says this is officially terrible….and the match just ends at about 1:05.
Time to thank sponsors.
Back with the fight up by the pool, with the Rock N Roll Express watching, along with some other unidentified wrestlers. They run into Lee still headlocking Coverdale and head into the house, where we’re fast forwarded to a bedroom, where Brian Myers and some kids are playing with the old WWF ring (I have that) and the awesome Hasbro line of figures. One of the kids elbows North down and the referee smiles a lot.
Ferguson asks Scott D’Amore for double pay and is told to be professional. And no pay in gas station d*** (at least that’s what I think he said).
Here’s Teddy Long to complain about his lack of pay. And to make some tag matches, because that’s what he does.
80s Russians vs. Jungle Kittens
No word on if those are the Minnesota variety Russians. Either way they jump the Kittens (in fur pelts) and go into the 80s power offense as Gallows talks about a cameraman asking if he can take a break and go hunting in the woods. That’s a big no, so one of the Russians hits a Sickle for the pin on a Kitten at 1:05.
Post match Long yells about this not being the 80s. No, this is the 90s, so here are Lodi and Sick Boy of Raven’s Flock fame. Lodi’s sign: “YES! WE ARE STILL ALIVE!” The Yeti, better known as Ron Reis (or Reese in the Flock) is here, but this time around he’s in his Reese gear with toilet paper wrapped around him. They don’t like it though so he goes into the woods and rips most of it off. The Flock comes in and beats up the Kittens with kendo sticks. Cue D’Lo Brown (Anderson: “All I care about is the head shake.”) in an Aces and 8’s shirt for a Low Down on a Russian.
Now it’s Rhino to Gore both Russians as Anderson tries to figure out Rhino’s political career. Brian Pillman Jr. comes out as well and hits Air Pillman on a Kitten. The other three are dropkicked down but Rim Job (In the old Kim Chee gear. Yes I think people watching this show will know who Kim Chee is) comes in. There’s no one to beat up though so here is Chavo Guerrero to hit Job with Pepe.
The frog splash and Eddie Guerrero dance ensue, which draw out Willie Mack to Stun some Russians. One of the Kittens gets in a cheap shot but Chavo makes the save and hits Three Amigos. Anderson gets up and hands them beers, with Mack Stunning Chavo. This was more insanity and it was fun watching to see who was coming out next.
Chad talks to D’Amore and reveals himself as Anderson. He’s the bump and feed guy so he should get more money.
Gallows: “We grew up in the Attitude Era. That was one of the worst things in the history of professional wrestling.”
Rory Fox vs. Matt Cardona
This is a grudge match sponsored by Pro Wrestling Tees and a reference to an infamous match on ECW on SyFy where Cardona ripped off Fox’s gear, revealing nothing underneath. You can imagine the editing that had to be done and yes, the fans in the arena saw everything. But since Cardona is AEW, here’s Brian Myers instead. Myers: “Rory Fox, you stupid f****** never was jabroni f****** idiot.” Myers has a replacement to face Fox.
Rory Fox vs. Swoggle Ryder
Yes Myers sings Oh Radio on the way to the ring. The graphic says Swoggledona and I don’t think it makes the slightest difference. Swoggle: “WHOA WHOA WHOA!” He bites Rory’s trunks and gets stomped down in the corner as we hear about Fox sleeping on Gallows’ treadmill last night. Myers comes in and we’re edited to him tossing Swoggle at Fox for the pin at 1:30. Anderson: “We need a new producer. Holy s*** that was terrible.”
Post match they rip Fox’s trunks off and he runs away.
We go back to the pool where North is shoved down the water slide (How much do they pay in Japan???), which is enough to win the match. Penzer: “Ladies and gentlemen, the loser of the hardcore match, Doc Gallows, because he booked this s***!”. Elsewhere in the pool Lee is STILL working that headlock on Coverdale, even in the shallow end.
Chico goes to do some bench presses, even with no weight on the bar. He has a spotter but Chavo comes in to take his place, because Chico is apparently blind. They fight in the gym, with Chavo asking if he is on the gas and throwing him into the sauna. Chavo: “It’s not as hot as your mom!” Chico breaks out and they brawl with the workout equipment, stop to offer respect to their respective grandfathers, and then back to the action. Chavo: “Back to the action!” Chavo knocks him down and wins the title, which he promises to have sex on before he kills Chico. Chavo leaves and gets jumped by Chad 2 Badd, who wins the title.
Here’s NZO for a chat. NZO: “I forgot what I was going to f****** show.” He knows Gallows is losing money on this show, even though he put himself over in the main event they put on last night. NZO knows he is losing money too and hopes everyone enjoys it, even if he just spoiled the main event.
We go back to the large woman from earlier (with Elvis behind her) and Coverdale REVERSES THE HEADLOCK ON LEE! Elvis jumps him and dances with the woman but Brian Myers, also in an Elvis suit, jumps him as well. Now it’s another Elvis (Slater again I believe) jumping Myers to dance with the woman but the original Elvis low blows the third Elvis (this is confusing) and Myers. Penzer: “And the winner of the Contract In A Tree match….who really gives a f***?”
A hearse arrives and it seems to be time for the main event.
Talk N Shop A-Mania Title: Chad 2 Badd vs. Sex Ferguson
This is the Boneryard match and I think you win by burying your opponent (I’ll be disappointed if we don’t get a dozen jokes based on the meaning of the word “burying”). It’s now night and we have druids pulling a casket out of the hearse. It starts shaking and they drop it face down though, meaning Chad has to get out and yell at all of them. Ferguson is played to the…well there is no ring, but it’s by a guy with a guitar. He drives up in a tricked out golf cart and the fight is on, including ear pulling.
Air Paris (AJ Styles’ old tag partner from about 20 years ago) shows up with a rubber chicken and gets elbowed in the face by Ferguson. Chad gets knocked down as Ferguson is all fired up. A low blow takes him down (Ferguson: “OW! MY F****** C***!”) and Paris is annoyed at getting beaten up when he was just trying to sell a shirt. Ferguson is thrown through a wall but here’s Bennett to give him pills to fire him up.
Chad is knocked onto a pile of dirt with a gloved hand sticking out. Chad: “Uncle Alan? Why didn’t you save us in New York? I know you tried and that’s why you switched shows.” Fox runs back in to complain about losing his gear again and then runs off for a second time. Ferguson does an Undertaker impression but gets knocked down. Cue Maria (Ferguson: “Not this s*** again! A reference to Maria distracting Gallows in a match in Japan.) to distract Chad (who starts speaking Spanish) until Ferguson hits him in the back with the arm from the dirt pile.
Maria yells about being a mother and storms off, ranting about how she doesn’t need to be with these two idiots. Chad grabs the ear again and Slater and Myers watch from lawn chairs. That turns into an argument over the two of them being booked, with Chad saying Gallows did it and that’s why he sucks. Ferguson gets in a low blow and loads up the hand again (Ferguson: “Ready for your hand job?”) but the Rock N Roll Express interrupt. They decide to just head to the merch table so here are the druids, causing Chad and Tex to team up one last time.
After the druids are dispatched and we get the 8 bit celebration music, Chad grabs the ear again and carries Ferguson over to….the Express’ gimmick table. Chad: “I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING!” NZO comes in and asks for an autograph but he has zero dimes. That earns him a superkick from Ferguson to put him through the table, which is enough to make the Express leave. Hold on though because here’s Johnny Swinger to interrupt. Chad accuses him of stealing his gimmick and the fight is on, with Ferguson getting in a cheap shot so Johnny can do his squats.
Ferguson is knocked face first into Slater’s crotch and Chad kicks him down. Swinger gets kicked as well but Ferguson is back up to throw Chad into Myers. Chad kicks Ferguson down for two (like the rules matter) but here is Chico to run away from Chavo, who is holding a huge knife. Chad headbutts Ferguson (Chad: “Yeah I got a headbutt fetish too!”) and they climb onto the hearse, which Ferguson bought for $2500 on eBay. A Tombstone plants Chad on the roof….and we hit the dream sequence.
We flash back to September 2019 where the Brothers were ready to sign with AEW and meet with the Young Bucks. They’re ready to sign but they also have a great offer from the Pauls in New York. Max asks if New York will have their back if there is some kind of a global pandemic or something. They all too sweet and chant AEW but the Pauls send in another offer, which is too good to pass up. The Bucks superkick them down and call them marks for going to TNA anyway.
Back to reality and Chad sits up to hit Ferguson in the face and takes him to the grave. Ferguson begs forgiveness because he wants to be a babyface with a singles run but Chad breaks a board over his head to knock him into the grave. We cut to a man looking stunned (….that might have been the Undertaker guy from Wrestlemania XXX) and come back to Chad burying Ferguson to his theme music. This takes extra time as Chad has to yell at Slater and Myers but apparently it’s enough for the win at about 19:30.
Rating: B. As usual, I have no idea how to rate this but it was hilarious with the guys basically doing their own commentary throughout the match. The cameos were great with things like the Express’ gimmick table and the ear thing over and over again. It’s not to be taken seriously (of course) and that’s how this should have gone. Throw in the fact that it’s a complete parody of a genre that is being driven into the ground these days but is still ripe for jokes and it’s a good time.
Chad drives off in the golf cart and Ferguson gets out of the grave, now in a hockey mask and with a large sex toy next to him. To be continued. Maybe.
Overall Rating: A-. My stance on comedy wrestling is pretty well known and I had a great time with this. It’s in and out in less than an hour and a half and they don’t stop with the jokes. They were smart to keep it that way too, as anything serious on here would have been a big miss. Gallows and Anderson are freaking hilarious and put together a hilarious bunch of stuff here where, aside from the main event, it felt like they threw a bunch of stuff together and then decided to make up the jokes off the loosest of concepts. Find a way to watch this with some wrestling friends and have a good time, because it’s worth your time/money.
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Well Jim Cornette just had a stroke.