Dark – September 1, 2020: Minor League Gah

Dark
Date: September 1, 2020
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Excalibur, Taz

Great, Excalibur is back. I didn’t know what I would do without the weird emphasis on combiNATIONS or hearing the exact and undisputed proper Japanese and Spanish names for moves while he also gets in his jokes from PWG. Would it be too much to ask Taz to choke him out? Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Taz and Excalibur welcome us to the show so I have to look at Excalibur’s stupid…well chin in this case.

Eddie Torres vs. Shawn Spears

They go with the grappling to start with Spears taking him down and then putting a knee into Torres’ arm. Back up and they lock up against the ropes until Spears takes him outside for rams into various objects. They get back in with Torres hitting a running dropkick, only to get hit in the face. The Death Valley Driver finishes Torres at 3:49.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match here for Spears who gets to win match after match and never goes anywhere but that’s the case for a lot of Dark regulars. It isn’t a terrible match, but Spears has been around this show for a long time and wasn’t all that great when he was a regular on Dynamite. That’s a weird place to be, but it might be time to try him out on Dynamite again. It’s not like this is anything interesting and it would make sense to give someone else a shot.

Post match Spears gets in a shot with the loaded glove.

Santana and Ortiz vs. Rysin/Faboo Andre

Santana headlocks Rysin to start as Taz suggests that Trent’s mom’s van was almost going to a chop shop. Rysin elbows Santana in the face but gets kicked down into Three Amigos. Andre comes in to dropkick Ortiz and a middle rope spinning crossbody gets two. Everything breaks down though and a pop up sitout powerbomb plants Andre. Ortiz kicks Andre in the face for the pin at 3:29.

Rating: C-. This was slightly more entertaining than the opener as it was more of a squash and had a guy named Faboo Andre, which makes everything a little bit better. Santana and Ortiz are another team who could be a big deal around here but haven’t had a chance near the top of the division. It doesn’t help that they’re feuding with the Best Friends over a mom’s van but I’m sure that’ll go somewhere good in the end.

Post match Santana and Ortiz are impressed by the Best Friends finally showing some fortitude. One thing though: Trent’s mom needs to stop calling Ortiz’s phone because it’s not going to happen.

Cassandra Golden vs. Allie

QT Marshall is here with Allie. They lock up to start for a standoff, which Excalibur says is Golden giving Allie fits, because Excalibur doesn’t know what fits mean. Allie elbows her in the face and grabs a swinging neckbreaker, followed by the sliding elbow. That’s enough to send Golden outside so Allie throws her back in, with Marshall putting Allie back on the apron. Back in and a running hip attack gives Golden one in the corner and we hit the chinlock. Allie fights up with some knees to the ribs and the running bulldog, followed by the Eye of the Hurricane (Down the Rabbit Hole) for the pin on Golden at 4:14.

Rating: D+. Allie continues to turn into a wrestler around here, which has taken some time but she is already a few steps ahead of a lot of the people in the division. It wasn’t much of a match but Golden got in a little offense, which is better than some people get around here. Allie was the point here though and that worked out well enough.

The Best Friends brawl with Santana and Ortiz in the back.

Frankie Kazarian vs. Angelico

This could be good. They fight over a wristlock to start with Kazarian taking him down but Angelico flips out. A front facelock has Kazarian in trouble but they get up for a standoff. An exchange of legsweeps set up one each until Angelico takes him down by the leg into a leglock. Kazarian gets two off an Oklahoma roll but Angelico gets in a right hand to the face.

Something like an Octopus hold on the mat is switched into a leglock to keep Kazarian in trouble. Back up and Kazarian walks into an elbow to the face and it’s right back to the leg cranking. Angelico pulls him out of the corner and hammers away with right hands, setting up the springboard spinning legdrop for two. Angelico is back up but the Fall of the Angels is broken up, allowing Kazarian to hit a reverse DDT for the pin at 7:50.

Rating: C+. Believe it or not, two of the better people on the show have the best match on the show in a good while. I can’t say I’m surprised whatsoever and I’m also not complaining whatsoever. This was a rather nice match between two people who were able to have a little time and get something going, which is what I want to see out of Dark a lot more often.

Brandi Rhodes comes to the stage for a chat with Tony Schiavone. Tony brings up the Nightmare Sisters losing in the Women’s Tag Team Tournament so Brandi calls him Anthony. She knows what it means to be pretty and Anna Jay only got the win because she’s part of Daddy Brody’s special team. You can be pretty but you need to be smart too, so come to her face to face. Brandi trying to sound tough is one of the funniest things this show has ever done.

Donnie Primetime/Ryan Rembrandt vs. Gunn Club

Billy headlocks Rembrandt over to start and it’s off to Austin as commentary laughs about the Gunn Club. It’s back to Billy, who catapults Rembrandt into Austin’s middle rope clothesline. Primetime comes in and commentary talks about how similar he is to Joey Janela. With that horrible thought out of the way, Billy comes in and cleans house before handing it back to Austin for the Quick Draw (which Excalibur doesn’t know, because he isn’t that great of a commentator) and the pin at 3:47.

Rating: D+. Of all the matches that Gunn Club has had around here, this was the most recent. They beat up more jobbers because that’s all they do around here, but since their entire deal deal is Billy Gunn and Son, there isn’t exactly much room for them to grow. Much like Joey Janela/Sonny Kiss, just throw them up onto Dynamite so a big team can beat them and then they can come back down here.

Abadon vs. Dani Jordyn

Jordyn is a little freaked out by Abadon, as she should be. Abadon yells a lot so Dani slugs away and slaps her in the face, which goes as well as you would expect. That earns Jordyn a running clothesline and Abadon starts going after the leg. The knee is crushed into the mat and Abadon does it again for a bonus. A DDT to the leg keeps Jordyn down and Abadon sends her to the apron to sweep the leg again. Back in and Abadon leg laces her with some right hands to the leg making Jordyn tap at 5:00.

Rating: C. This is the kind of match that can do someone some good on this show. Abadon is someone who is climbing the ladder around here and it is a good idea to have her get wins like this. Granted it might not mean as much without having her win a few matches on the other show, but for now, this was an effective way to push Abadon, which is one of the points of something like this.

Tony Donati vs. Ricky Starks

Taz is in a much better mood. After playing some air guitar during his entrance, Starks drives him into the corner to start but Donati grabs a rollup for two. Starks sends him outside with ease and takes it right back inside for a belly to back suplex. There’s a dropkick to Donati and Starks gets in a little dancing. Donati gets in another rollup for another two so Starks gets serious and Roshambos him for the pin at 3:28.

Rating: D+. Not too bad here as Starks continues to look good. The better point for him though is the fact that Starks gets to do something on Dynamite and probably All Out. You’re only going to get so much out of exclusively squashing jobbers so having Starks down here for some target practice is a nice change of pace over what a lot of the Dark regulars get to do.

Jurassic Express vs. Jon Cruz/David Ali

Marko Stunt is here on crutches with the two who don’t look ridiculous in the ring (and yes, one of those is a walking dinosaur who says he is 65 million years old). This is Cruz and Ali’s debut as a team so they don’t have the fist bump timing down just yet. Cruz tries a sleeper on Luchasaurus to start and is quickly thrown off. Ali comes in and gets chopped in the corner as the squash is on early.

It’s off to Boy for some hurricanranas before he holds Ali up for the Tail Whip from Luchasaurus. Ali slips out of the chokeslam attempt and hands it back to Cruz for a jumping enziguri. Luchasaurus kicks Ali in the head anyway and does the same to Cruz for a bonus. Boy adds a sliding elbow to the back of Ali’s head and the Extinction Level Event finishes Cruz at 4:58.

Rating: D+. I’ve given up on the hope of having Jurassic Express being a serious team but this involved Stunt having to stand around instead of interfering or doing that horrible dance so this could have been a lot worse. Cruz and Ali were just target practice for the Express which is hardly a surprise, but it wasn’t exactly thrilling.

Red Velvet vs. Anna Jay

Jay hammers away in the corner to start but gets taken down with a leg lariat. Velvet kicks her down in the corner and hits a bottom rope elbow for two. Some bad right hands and choking have Velvet down and a snap suplex sets up some forearms to the ribs. Back up and Velvet drops into the splits, seemingly for the sole purpose of Jay hitting a Natural Selection.

Back up and Velvet gets the better of a slugout, setting up some clotheslines. Running knees to the back give Velvet two but Jay kicks her in the face. Jay makes sure to look at the camera a few times before knocking Velvet down on the floor. Back in and some curb stomps set up a rear naked choke to finish Velvet at 5:00.

Rating: D-. What in the name of some random reference or term was that? Jay was inducted into the Dark Order last week and seems ready for a feud with the biggest women’s name in the company. Velvet went toe to toe with Jay here and it was rather ridiculous, especially given that Jay is hardly ready for a five minute match based on her past performances. They missed here, and it made Jay look really bad.

Shawn Dean vs. Kip Sabian

Penelope Ford is here too. Sabian uses some signs (ala Sammy Guevara) to promote his Twitch streams and his crop tops. Dean is so intimidating that Sabian doesn’t bother taking off his sunglasses while Taz and Excalibur talk about the gym. Sabian knocks him into the corner and asks why we’re doing this again. A knee to the face and a kick to the chest connects….and the referee says it was wide right. Ok then. Dean uses the distraction to hit a hard German suplex into a floatover DDT for two. A pop up knee stops Dean again though and it’s the Deathly Hallows for the pin at 4:17.

Rating: C-. Sabian is one of those guys I could see working rather well on Dynamite and it isn’t like it’s difficult to boo someone always on Ford’s arm. He feels like a mainstay around Dark though and that’s not exactly a great usage for him. It’s clear that he has some ability and he has been getting better, so let him go and see what he can do. How much more can you really get out of him around here?

Initiative vs. Private Party

Leva Bates is here with the Initiative. The Initiative starts fast and takes Quen down for a double chop into a double splash for two. Avalon knocks Kassidy off the apron but Quen fights out of trouble like he’s beating up a pair of jobbers who happened to get a gimmick. Kassidy comes in with a top rope double stomp to the back into a belly to back suplex for two on Cutler, though only after some staring at the camera. Avalon comes in for a high crossbody on Quen as everything breaks down in a hurry.

A suicide dive drops Quen on the floor, followed by a split legged moonsault for two on Kassidy. The hot tag brings in Quen for a big moonsault onto both of them but Quen has to flip out of an apron hurricanrana from Bates. Back in and Cutler avoids a charge from Quen, with Kassidy tagging himself in. Cutler hits a 450 for no count because Quen isn’t legal, meaning it’s Kassidy with an Oklahoma roll for the pin at 4:21.

Rating: C+. This worked too as they were flying in and out of there as fast as they could. That’s more to Private Party’s tastes, which might be better for them every now and then. They have been doing their thing for a good while now and while I liked them being reined in by FTR on Dynamite, it can be smart to let them go out and do their thing like they did here.

Post match Avalon snaps and beats up Cutler, including a shot to the head with the 20 sided die. They really spent all those weeks and months getting them closer to winning and then finally have them lose here? Really?

Dynamite preview takes us out.

Overall Rating: C-. I kept having to correct myself from calling Dynamite the main roster but in reality, that’s pretty much what it is. In WWE, there are people you know are never making it up to the main roster and that is how it feels with this show compared to Dynamite. A lot of these people are just interchangeable jobbers, which is fine enough, but when you have so many people with nothing to do, maybe it would make sense to drop some of them.

I get the idea of giving indy wrestlers work, but there comes a point where you’re just wasting your contracted talent for the sake of having this show continuing. It was a lot easier with just an hour and thirty four minutes (yeah just), but this could be so much tighter and more effective of a show. They seem to like what they’re doing here, but we are long past the point where you can see the divide between the two levels of the talent. There are some who float back and forth, but if they’re good enough to be on Dynamite full time, they probably shouldn’t be here, in what is effectively a training ground.

Results

Shawn Spears b. Eddie Torres – Death Valley Driver

Santana and Ortiz b. Rysin/Faboo Andre – Kick to Andre’s face

Allie b. Cassandra Golden – Down The Rabbit Hole

Frankie Kazarian b. Angelico – Reverse DDT

Gunn Club b. Donnie Primetime/Ryan Rembrandt – Quick Draw to Primetime

Abadon b. Dani Jordyn – Leg lace

Ricky Starks b. Tony Donati – Roshambo

Jurassic Express b. Jon Cruz/David Ali – Extinction Level Event to Cruz

Anna Jay b. Red Velvet – Rear naked choke

Kip Sabian b. Shawn Dean – Deathly Hallows

Private Party b. Initiative – Oklahoma roll to Cutler

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6