Bar Wrestling #28: The Sith Lords Of Wrestling

Bar Wrestling #28: The Best City I’ve Ever Been To
Date: January 16, 2019
Location: Bootleg Theater, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Louden Noxious, Kevin Condron

This is Joey Ryan’s now defunct promotion and a company I had been wanting to look at for awhile. Then everything about Ryan came out and the promotion went under, as did Ryan’s career. I had already bought the show before everything happened so I might as well watch it, though I would absolutely not recommend giving Ryan any money in any form. Let’s get to it.

Note that I do not follow the promotion and have no idea about characters, angles, storylines etc. so please bear with me.

No intro or anything as we open in the ring with introductions.

Jungle Boy vs. Ray Rosas

Peter Avalon is here with Rosas. The acoustics aren’t great here so the introduces are a bit difficult to understand. The fans seem to call Rosas “sexy Jesus” though, in case you needed an idea of what you are in for here. Commentary is much better though so at least I won’t be totally lost. They hype up Boy as a newcomer/prospect so this could be interesting. They fight over a lockup to start and go back and forth across the ring a few times, with the fans being rather pleased. That’s broken up so they go back to the lockup, which is broken up as well.

The fans seem to like Boy as commentary thinks the fans are into Boy because they’re swingers too. Boy grabs a running hurricanrana into a springboard armdrag followed by another one as the luchaing is on. Back in and Rosas grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to get a much needed breather. Commentary sings Welcome To The Jungle as Boy is whipped hard into the corner, which shouldn’t be that big of a surprise. A backbreaker gives Rosas two and a slingshot splash to the back gets the same.

Some loud chops in the corner have the fans even more into Rosas, who adds one to the thigh for a bonus. Rosas stops for a beer from the fans and then backdrops Boy to the apron. A superkick cuts off Boy’s comeback attempt but he is right back in with a slingshot spear. Boy grabs a pumphandle Codebreaker for two, meaning it’s time for the commentary to talk about Boy’s luscious hair. Rosas slams him out of the corner for a lax two, allowing Boy to roll him up for the same.

Back up and Rosas grabs a Texas Cloverleaf, sending Boy towards the rope but Rosas pulls him back in. A Styles Clash gives Rosas two and everyone is stunned on the kickout. There’s a low superkick into a fireman’s carry backbreaker for a VERY close two. Rosas takes him up on the corner for a super fireman’s carry, which is countered into a super poisonrana into a low superkick to knock Rosas silly. The tiger driver gives Boy two and they’re both down. Boy goes up but Rosas runs the corner for a top rope superplex. A top rope elbow is enough to finally finish Boy at 10:56.

Rating: B. This was almost all action and you could tell how into the rest of the show the fans are as a result. Boy looks like a star and Rosas looks like the guy who stopped him, but you can almost guarantee that Boy’s time is coming. It was a lot of fun and that seems to be the theme of this place, so there isn’t much to complain about here.

There are no transitions between the matches on here so this keeps moving.

Heather Monroe vs. Taya Valkyrie

Taya would become known as Frankie Monet and is the Impact Knockouts Champion here. She’s also crazy over and doesn’t like Heather trying to pull something off of the handshake. A forearm puts Taya down but she nips right back up, only to have Monroe grabs a springboard wristdrag. Monroe grabs a running hurricanrana for two as commentary calls her a modern day Lelani Kai (your taste may vary).

Taya knocks her down and hits a double stomp to the back, setting up a kick to the face for two. Monroe is ready for a charge in the corner and gets in a shot of her own for a VERY delayed near fall. A bunch of strikes in the corner have Taya in more trouble, but Louden suggests the Contra Code for a kickout. Taya kicks her down and, after a little shaking at the crowd, gets two.

A legdrop between the legs gets two more on Monroe (who complains about “my *****” (I’ll let you figure out what she said)). Taya’s running knees in the corner get two but a collision puts both of them down. Back up and they slug it out until Taya’s Samoan drop gets two. Monroe’s Canadian Destroyer gets the same, with commentary talking about the town in Iowa Monroe might be from.

Taya catches her on top and kicks away at the back, setting up a Backstabber for two. The Road To Valhalla is blocked and Monroe kicks her in the head for the next near fall. A basement dropkicks rocks Taya again and Monroe’s Michinoku Driver has Taya grabbing the rope for the save. Taya gets knocked down into the splits but she sweeps the legs to set up a curb stomp. The STF makes Monroe tap at 10:11.

Rating: C+. There were some moments where the chemistry was off but they hit each other rather hard. The fans were approving (for various reasons) and Taya has all kinds of charisma. It was a good second match and Monroe held her own against a much more well known name like Valkyrie.

Tyler Bateman vs. Luchasaurus

Not to be confused with Tyler Bate. Whoever he is, he isn’t sure what to do with Luchasaurus to start but has to suplex his way out of a chokeslam attempt. Luchasaurus takes him outside but Bateman escapes another chokeslam attempt and kicks him in the face. Back in and Luchasaurus kicks him in the head, setting up another kick to the head. The knees to the ribs into a spinning back chop drops Bateman as we hear about Luchasaurus’ bronto burgers. More shots to the face put Bateman down but he’s back up with a discus forearm to the back of the head.

They trade knees to the face until Luchasaurus kicks him in the head. The chokeslam into the standing moonsault gets two on Bateman and they both need a breather (less than six minutes in). A slow exchange of kicks to the face sets up a spinwheel kick to give Luchasaurus two. The fans chant “F*** THAT GUY” at someone (perhaps in the crowd) and Luchasaurus seems a bit confused. Bateman scores with a hard running lariat, followed by a forearm to a downed Luchasaurus (Death From Above) for the pin at 7:41.

Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one and Luchasaurus wrestled like any run of the mill guy here instead of a big monster. Bateman is presented as a psycho but he came off as more of a regular heel here. The action wasn’t great either, with a bunch of strikes and double knockdowns and not much else to go with it. This was a pretty bad miss and easily the worst thing on the show so far.

Doomfly vs. Dagas y Diamantes

That would be Delilah Doom/Eli Everfly (a name I’ve heard a good bit about but haven’t seen more than once or twice) vs. Daga/Tessa Blanchard, the latter of whom are VERY popular. Daga shoves Everfly (who barely clears the top rope) down and they run the ropes, setting up a rather fast paced exchange with neither making much contact. The women come in (taking their time to get there) and it’s Doom with, as commentary puts it, “some kind of takedown”.

A running hurricanrana takes Tessa down again and we get the double Black Widows on Daga and Tessa. It’s too early for a double 619 though, sending commentary into a karaoke version of I Believe I Can Fly. Back in and Doom gets dropped, leaving Everfly to get double teamed down (and for commentary to make more Double Dare jokes about Doomfly’s weirdly matching purple and green gear). Tessa dropkicks Daga’s knees out to crotch him on the middle rope and a Codebreaker out of the corner gets two.

It’s back to Daga for a running corner slap and the chinlock goes on. That doesn’t last long as Everfly pops up with the tornado DDT for a much needed breather. Doom comes in off the hot tag and gets to clean house, including a running headscissors to send Daga outside. Stereo 619s hit Tessa in the ribs and a pretty bad looking sliding German suplex drops her again. Everfly hits a big flipping dive onto Daga and the fans seem to approve.

Back in and Tessa plants Doom with a cutter for two but a Blue Thunder Bomb gives Doom the same. The guys come back in with Daga hitting a slingshot dropkick, setting up some rapid fire kicks to the face for two. Everfly grabs a wheelbarrow Stunner and it’s a missile dropkick into a crucifix bomb for the next near fall as Tessa saves. Everfly’s top rope double stomp to the back sets up a…..hanging snapmare (ok then) for two on Tessa. That was a weird move and didn’t exactly look good either.

Doom catches Daga on top with a super (slow motion) victory roll for two as Tessa makes another save. The women slug it out until Daga adds a superkick. A Codebreaker into a Backstabber gets two on Doom with Everfly making ANOTHER save. Everfly grabs a Code Red on Daga and catches Tessa on top with a kick to the head. Tessa kicks him away though and it’s Magnum to Everfly, setting up Daga’s double knees backbreaker for the pin at 12:56.

Rating: B-. Some of the botches and misses held it back a bit but this got some time and used it well, which is what I’ve been waiting for since the opener. Tessa really can hang with just about anyone and Daga was on here, despite being hit and miss a lot of the time. Everfly is so small that it is hard to get much out of him, though Doom was perfectly fine. Good, action packed match here.

Brian Cage vs. PJ Black

This could be interesting. The much bigger Cage shoulders him down to start so Black picks up the speed by cartwheeling away. An exchange of dropkicks goes to Cage and we reset by walking around for a bit. Black gets in a shot to the face and heads up top, only to get pulled onto the turnbuckle to cut that off in a hurry. The half crab goes on to keep Black in trouble for….well about five seconds as he grabs the rope in a hurry.

Black tries to go up again but gets pulled down into a Falcon Arrow for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit but this time, Black sends him into the corner for a running crossbody. A high crossbody sets up a top rope chop to the head and Cage is staggered for a change. Now a springboard moonsault press can give Black two but Cage rips his chest off with a chop. The sitout Alabama Slam gives Cage two and we hit that “GET YOUR S*** IN” chant. Black slips out of an F5 (another thing Cage needed to get in) but his superkick is flicked away.

What seemed to be a botched victory roll sets up a half crab on Cage (snazzy recovery if that wasn’t the plan), who is in the ropes in a hurry. Black gets creative with the AJ Styles springboard moonsault into a reverse DDT, setting up a top rope standing double stomp for two more.

Cage catches him on top but the super hurricanrana is countered into a sunset flip to give Black two. That earns him the big discus lariat though and they’re both down again. Back up and Black easily wins a strike off, setting up the crucifix bomb for two. Cage isn’t having this and hits am F5 into a buckle bomb into a helicopter bomb for the pin at 10:07.

Rating: C+. Power vs. speed is the kind of formula that has worked for the better part of ever in wrestling and they did it again here. There wasn’t much of a story to the match beyond that though as Cage just hit a string of big moves and won in the end. Not exactly thrilling, but I don’t think they were exactly shooting for anything great with this one.

RockNES Monsters/Eric Watts vs. So Cal Uncensored

That would be Johnny Yuma/Kevin Martenson and NOT THAT Eric Watts. They have nearly 40 minutes for this so either there is something after or this is going REAL long. Daniels and Martenson start things off with a slam into a dropkick to put Daniels into the corner. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker plants Martenson and it’s off to Kazarian for a jumping double stomp to the back. Yuma (the Moon Man) comes in and gets slammed a few times, setting up a springboard legdrop to rock him again.

We’ll try Watts (who is very tall) as the fans are WAY behind SCU here. Sky and Watts, former partners, get their big showdown with Sky grabbing a rolling cradle for two. The sunset flip is countered though and Watts powers him into the corner. The chokeslam doesn’t work either and they tease a right hand each for a standoff. A double Wakanda Forever pose lets Watts miss a right hand but Kazarian tags himself in for a spinwheel kick. Sky comes back in but gets distracted so Watts can hit him in the face.

Watts can’t bring himself to try the chokeslam so he watches Sky very slowly fall down instead. Martenson comes back in for a backbreaker as the SCU chants are back up. We hit the chinlock from “SCYuma” as we hear about his various outer space wrestling exploits. A series of running shots in the corner keep Sky in trouble but he manages a jumping neckbreaker for the needed breather (and two, but that’s not as important). The hot tag brings in Daniels for the comeback, including an STO to Yuma.

There’s the Blue Thunder Bomb for two but Martenson breaks up Angel’s Wings. Commentary dubs the RockNES Monsters “space cops”, which would explain….well very little actually but it’s a unique idea. Kazarian comes back in as well and rolls up Martenson while grabbing a bridging northern lights suplex for two on Yuma at the same time. Martenson is sent outside and it’s a Backstabber to Yuma, setting up Kazarian’s Unprettier. That’s broken up by Watts, who gets double clotheslined outside.

Sky busts out the big flip dive, which doesn’t seem to be the best idea when the fans are that close. Back in and the referee gets bumped, sending us into the parade of secondary finishers. Another referee comes in but won’t count Watts’ chokebomb because he isn’t legal. That means a chokeslam to the referee, sending commentary into a FRENZY over this assault. Sky can’t hit a TKO on Watts, who kicks him in the face instead. Watts grabs a chair but Joey Ryan comes in to break it up, always the voice of law and order.

Ryan gets dropped but here is Hangman Page with the Buckshot Lariat to drop Watts. Page and Ryan give Watts a double YouPorn Plex (egads) and they shake hands, which is apparently a big deal. The RockNES Monsters come back in to beat them both down but here are Cody and Brandi Rhodes because this match can’t end. They jump Cody as well but he beats them up, leaving Brandi to spear Yuma. Cody dives over the top to take Martenson down but gets kicked in the face by Watts. Brandi gets terrified in the corner but the Young Bucks come in for the save (Did SCU fall into a hole?).

Somehow Watts doesn’t notice the Bucks’ full entrance, posing and streamer throwing so it’s a surprise (How?) superkick party. The Bucks stop to look at original referee Rick Knox so Watts gets back up to jump all three of them (Commentary: “A true Sith Lord if I’ve ever seen one.”). That earns him another superkick but Cody and SCU are back in, with the Best Meltzer Driver finishing Yuma at 23:57.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches where you have to throw out every bit of logic in the world and go along for the ride. The big AEW invasion was much more for the live fans, which is exactly the point of a show like this. The wrestling itself was pretty good, though the last ten minutes or so were a complete circus. In this case though, that’s how something like this should have gone and it was a pretty fun match.

Post match Sky grabs the mic and says he would bring back SCU, but he didn’t say the Elite was coming with him. And Joey Ryan is here too. SCU has signed with a new company called All Elite Wrestling and no, they never considered splitting up. They are friends and brothers, almost like the Three Musketeers. Fans: “YOU F***** UP!”

That’s a red line for some reason and Matt Jackson busts out a 3 Musketeers candy bar. The rest of SCU says don’t do it (Daniels: “THINK OF YOUR PHYSIQUE!”) but he takes a bite anyway. Fans: “YOU SICK F***!” I’m going to assume that’s a Being The Elite deal and move on to Cody asking if the fans had a good time tonight. Cody says having the wrestlers in charge didn’t work for WCW but it’s going to work for AEW. They are in charge of hiring people, meaning the JOEY chant starts up. Cody: “You guys are going off script a bit.” Fans: “SIGN THAT D***!”

They can’t anyway, because Lucha Underground has him locked up until 2028. Instead, they’ll sign everyone in the building. Nick says they might not be able to afford that, but the fans disagree. Brandi tells Cody he has to fire everyone here, with Daniels saying they now have a ninety day no cheering clause (that was funny). Kazarian puts over southern California and the trio holds up SCU signs (which they can’t quite spell right at first). A lot of high fiving fans and a thank you from Joey wraps up the night.

Overall Rating: B-. I had fun and that’s all you can ask for from a show like this. The wrestling was mostly good and it felt like a pretty nice indy event. The AEW invasion at the end felt like a big moment as the company had only been announced about two weeks earlier. Anything involving Ryan was hard to watch before everything came out so the ending was pretty much the only bad thing. Overall, at about an hour and forty minutes total (with no entrances and jumping from match to match), it’s an easy watch and they know how to give the live fans a good time. Just don’t buy it so Ryan doesn’t get any money.

 

 

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