Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

Eddie Guerrero. If you honestly believe this show is about anyone but him, you’re completely wrong and missing the point. Tonight’s show is about milking as much as we possibly can out of Eddie’s dead body, because the entirety of the Smackdown main event scene until Wrestlemania (and even glimpses of it for years to come) would be about Rey Mysterio fighting for Eddie’s memory against people like Orton. I never have been comfortable with this but it is what it is. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Teddy gushes to Vince about how excited he is over the Rumble. Vince is happy because he has Torrie, Victoria and Candace Michelle doing the drawing. They were a heel Divas stable at the time which didn’t work at all. HHH and Orton come in to draw and only the latter seems pleased with his number. Amazingly enough, these guys got the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that Guerrero and Flair got when they came in to draw last year.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Trish is referee and I didn’t realize she was in some barely there shorts. I miss Mickie wearing those skirts that often flew up above her waist. The problem with Ashley was simple: she wasn’t that good. Mickie cranks on the arm but Ashley counters into a wristlock of her own. Massaro armdrags Mickie down and it’s clearly Mickie flipping while Ashley moves her arm.

James heads to the floor to get a breather but Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron to take her down. Back in and Mickie snaps, basically turning heel mid-match. Mickie hooks a standing half crab to fill in some time as it’s clear Ashley has nothing to do here. We head to the floor where Mickie rams Ashley’s ribs into the post. Back in and Mickie hooks a bow and arrow hold to work on the back even more.

Ashley catches an incoming kick from Mickie and starts her “offense” but can barely hook a crucifix. The only good thing about it was Mickie’s skirt flying up but the rollup only gets two. Massaro shoves Ashley into the corner and the fans are openly booing now. She’s just absolutely horrible and thankfully Mickie kind of powerbombs her out of the corner for the sloppy pin.

Rating: D. Again, anything with Trish looking that hot involved can’t be considered a failure whatsoever. She was likely there because it was clear that the match was going to be horrible and the fans had to have something to be distracted by. Thankfully Trish and Mickie would get to have their excellent Mania match instead of another Ashley mess. Terrible stuff but hot women in tiny outfits make up for it.

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

This is part of an ongoing feud, which involved Boogeyman eating a growth off of Jillian Hall’s face. Do yourself a favor and don’t ask. Oh and I forgot to mention the set. It’s themed like a coliseum with guards opening up the doors for the wrestlers to come in. They did that at some of the old King of the Rings and I still like it.

John hides behind Jillian for awhile and then bails to the floor, leaving the blonde chick to get stalked. Boogeyman puts worms in his mouth and spits them into Jillian’s mouth. Boogey gets sent to the floor and into the steps before JBL chokes away a bit more. The Clothesline misses and a pumphandle powerslam ends JBL in less than two minutes. I have no idea what the point of this was.

Mama Benjamin comes in and hits on Vince. Thankfully Shelton comes in to save Vince from a future paternity suit. Melina comes in to hit on Shelton but Mama takes him away quickly. Mama Benjamin was one of those ideas that didn’t make a ton of sense and didn’t accomplish anything but it certainly exists. MNM draws their numbers as well. Vince and hits girls sit on the couch to watch the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble, which says everyone thinks they’ll win. Vince is vindictive against Shawn around this time too. Apparently there will be some returns tonight as well.

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.

Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.

Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.

The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.

Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.

Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.

At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.

Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.

Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.

Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.

Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.

Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.

Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.

Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

Rey celebrates when Edge comes in and says don’t even think of challenging him at Mania.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena walks across a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling and hops in over the top. You know, in case it’s wasn’t clear enough that Edge had no chance here. Cena clotheslines him down to start but has to chase Edge back inside, allowing the champion to send Cena into the buckle. We head to the floor again with Cena having to avoid Lita and getting sent into the steps as a result. A baseball slide sends Cena over the barricade and the match stops again.

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Cena grabs a quick FU attempt but Edge counters into a rollup for two. A big boot puts Cena down but he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Edge tries a rear naked choke of all things which Cena eventually breaks up. The spear misses and there’s a DDT to put both guys down. It’s Cena up first to start his finishing sequence but Lita distracts the referee. Edge misses a charge and is sent into Lita, setting up Cena for the FU and STFU to get the title back.

Rating: D+. This was a world title match at the Royal Rumble? Why? Edge never felt like he had Cena in trouble and the match wasn’t anything that you would remember five minutes after it ended. Lita’s cleavage was awesome but when that’s the best thing about a match….well you shouldn’t be surprised because it often was in Edge’s matches, but still, pretty lame match here that made Edge look like a footnote. Obviously that would change, but not a good start for him here.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

We recap Angle vs. Henry. Batista had been scheduled to face henry but tore his triceps and had to vacate the title. Angle won the title in a battle royal and gets to defend here. The idea is that Henry is way too strong for Angle. Seriously, that’s the story. Why this main evented the show isn’t quite clear.

Angle is all I’M THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD and no one can beat me. He leaves but comes back to tell Mark Henry that he SUCKS. This version of Angle was AWESOME, as he would just go out there and go beast mode on everyone and make them look like fools trying to keep up with him. Also he was perfect for a quick title reign like this as no one would question him popping up out of nowhere and taking the title. Those kind of people are hard to find but Kurt was one of them.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Angle gets overpowered to start. That’s about all there is to say for the first two minutes or so, as Kurt keeps getting shoved around and then taken to the floor. Henry whips him into the steps and then stands on Angle’s chest back inside. We hit a bearhug for a bit until Angle hiptosses out of it. He tries a cross body like an imbecile but rolls out of the World’s Strongest Slam. The ankle lock and Angle Slam are no good so Henry clubs him down again.

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Rating: D. Seriously, why was this……

And a gong strikes. That’s why.

As for the match, it sucked pretty terribly. Why would we buy Henry as a potential champion here after him showing no proof of being at that level? The match wasn’t even ten minutes long, making it feel much more like a TV match than a PPV title match. I know they wanted to do the big ending with Taker, but there had to be a better way to do it.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Overall Rating: D. I watched this show over the course of two days, and honestly the only thing that came to my mind other than the last ten minutes of it was how Trish looked in that referee outfit. That’s how completely forgettable this show is. Nothing came out of this show as Cena was champion all over again, making the last three weeks feel like nothing. Nothing to see here and definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

On the right hand side of the screen where the other pages of reviews are listed, you’ll now find an On This Day page listed where you can find a link to every show in the series posted.  I’ll keep it updated daily

KB

These two spots both blew my mind at the time and I can’t pick which is better.  What do you think?  Here they are:

Morrison:

Kingston:

Kofi’s is more impressive but it’s a one move trick. Morrison does about three things in the same sequence. Which do you like better?

After the big push last year, we’re back down to HELL NO vs. the Scholars again and the same formula that has been used for years now.  At the end of the day, the division isn’t going to last long term and there’s really no way around that.  The TNA tag division is dead again now too with just the champions and apparently a thrown together team of two main eventers.

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

It’s time for a new set of guys to take their place on top of the company and what better time to do that than at the Rumble? Other than the Rumble, we’ve got the final blowoff of Orton vs. HHH in a feud that still makes me shake my head to this day. Also it’s Big Show vs. JBL vs. Angle for the Smackdown Title in a match that sounds so uninteresting I’d rather watch last year’s show all over again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is designed like a clock counting down in the Rumble. Cool idea there.

I almost forgot: this is the West Side Rumble, which is actually designed on a theme of West Side Story, as in gangs of Raw and Smackdown guys snapping their fingers and singing. Remember that THIS was considered the best idea and that someone received a paycheck for doing this. Let that sink in when you’re unemployed next time.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Edge is mad that he didn’t get the title shot at Taboo Tuesday and is finally turning heel, which he would be for years to come. Edge jumps Shawn before Shawn can take off his vest, only to get sent back to the floor by Shawn. Back in and Shawn chops away in the corner but Edge comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to take over. Edge is embracing the evil here and pokes Shawn in the eye but it only ticks Shawn off, resulting in a Thesz Press by Shawn.

The Canadian is sent back to the floor but he catches Shawn in an Edge-O-Matic to take over again. A baseball slide keeps Shawn down and we head back inside. The fans are firmly behind Shawn here, which means the heel turn is working for Edge. Shawn tries a standing rana but gets caught in a powerbomb for two instead. Off to a rear naked choke from Edge which stays on for a good while.

As Shawn fights up, Edge slams him right back down to stop the comeback before doing Shawn’s pose. Shawn gets guillotined on the top but Edge jumps into a punch to the ribs for two. Shawn counters a belly to back suplex into a cross body for two but Edge clotheslines him right back down. We hit the chinlock again although for far less time here. Michaels comes back with an atomic drop and they mistime something pretty badly with Shawn waiting on one side of the ring while Edge stumbles around on the other side.

Anyway Shawn pounds away in the corner and grabs a rollup for two, prompting Edge to try to walk out. The imbecile of a referee holds Shawn back, allowing Edge to sneak up from behind and spear Shawn to the floor. Shawn finally crawls back in and Edge dances a bit. Edge tunes up the band and spears Shawn down for two more, sending Edge into a fit. He pulls his own hair out and does those awesome facials that only Edge can do.

With nothing else to try, Edge puts Shawn on top for a superplex, only to get knocked down for the flying elbow from Shawn. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop for two more and Edge is very frustrated. Edge rolls through a sunset flip into the Edgeucator (imagine a Sharpshooter but with Edge behind Shawn like an ankle lock) but Shawn makes the rope. After a small package gets two for Shawn, Edge reverses a rollup into one of his own and grabs the ropes for the cheap pin.

Rating: B-. Decent match here but at nearly 20 minutes it’s too long. I’m not sure if I like the ending or not either, as Edge cheating shows that he’s embracing the heel turn, but I don’t think cheating and then hitting a move like another spear would have been a bad choice either. Still though, solid way to further Edge’s turn and a very long opener, which isn’t a terrible idea.

Teddy and Eric banter about who is going to win. Apparently we’re doing the old school tumbler thing to draw numbers with. Flair and Eddie come in (Flair hits on Torrie of course) to draw and Flair is very happy with his number. Eddie is disappointed, so he picks Flair’s pocket and steals his number. See, THIS is the kind of stuff we need more of. It enforces Eddie’s character and is funny at the same time, unlike the stupid stuff we get today that doesn’t help anyone.

Heidenreich is panicking about caskets when Snitsky comes up. Heavy breathing ensues and Snitsky says he has an idea.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Basically Heidenreich wants to replace Undertaker is his chance in a casket match. Most people didn’t think much of Heidenreich and they would wind up being proven correct. He would be followed by Great Khali in the long line of strange guys to face Undertaker.

The casket is brought out.

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Taker grabs a headlock to start and pulls Heidenreich towards the casket but (Jon) Heidenreich runs away. That works so well that we do it again and Jon is terrified. Since that didn’t quite work, Taker hooks the leg with a half crab, causing Heidenreich to crawl towards the ropes in front of the casket. As we ignore the problem of crawling to the ropes, Jon bails to the floor to take the fight out there.

Heidenreich sends Taker into the casket and pounds his head into it, which apparently isn’t a problem for him. Back in and Heidenreich pounds away in the corner, only to get caught in a modified triangle choke. Taker pulls the hold down to the mat and Heidenreich is almost out, so here’s Snitsky to break up the hold. After a double suplex to Taker, the monsters start pulling him to the casket…..which has Kane inside.

Kane, who was feuding with Snitsky over Snitsky punting a plastic version of the baby that Kane’s wife Lita (just go with it) lost, destroys both guys and takes Snitsky into the crowd. Heidenreich starts shoving the casket away very slowly before slamming Taker into the steps. Heidenreich slides the casket into Taker, which looks rather stupid as Taker had nothing behind him to be crushed against but whatever.

Back in and Jon puts on a cobra clutch which chokes Taker out enough to get him into the casket. Well mostly in at least as Taker sticks an arm out and chokes away. With Heidenreich’s torso in the casket, Taker drops the apron legdrop in the spot of the match. Back in and Heidenreich is suddenly fine, pounding away on the Dead Man and hitting a Boss Man Slam for a cover. Taker chokes his way out of the casket and wins a slugout, followed by a bad running DDT. Chokeslam and tombstone hit and we’re done.

Rating: D. This just didn’t work. At the end of the day, Heidenreich just didn’t work at all and he never came close to it. This was supposed to be a preview of Snitsky/Heidenreich vs. Kane/Taker at Mania, but thankfully they went with Kane in MITB and Taker vs. Orton in a great match, whereas Snitsky and Heidenreich didn’t even make it onto the show.

Teddy yells at Eddie to get Flair’s number back. Evolution comes in and a beatdown nearly ensues. Eddie has to give the number back, and he throws in Flair’s wallet too. Batista is going to go draw for the Rumble but HHH wants to talk about the match with Orton. Tensions flare but Flair calms things down. I think I smell a showdown.

Christian is here to draw his number and he’s well pleased. Cena shows up and hits on Christy but Christian isn’t pleased. He says rapping isn’t hard and challenges Cena to a battle rap. Tomko won’t give Christian a beat so he has to go it alone. Christian actually rhymes a bit but can’t rhyme charisma. Cena makes gay jokes and isn’t nearly as funny as Christian.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

This match has a backstory that isn’t important enough to explain to us. Apparently Angle had a last man standing match with JBL but the winner is even less important than the backstory. JBL is defending. Angle bails to the floor to start so Show runs over JBL a few times. There’s the loud chop in the corner followed by a legdrop which finally draws Angle into the ring for a save.

Now it’s Kurt getting a big chop in the corner. Cole says that’s like getting hit in the chest with a skillet. My question continues to be: how does anyone know what that feels like? Is that what goes on at WWE headquarters when there aren’t any shows on? Show clotheslines both guys to the floor to a surprisingly big reaction. Angle tries a German on the floor which fails completely, so Show picks up the steps.

Show loads up the announce table and climbs the steps to chokeslam JBL through said table. Before he can though, Angle hits Show low and blasts him with a monitor, knocking Show through the table. Back inside and Angle puts JBL in an armbar followed by a keylock. Kurt rolls the Germans but walks into a big boot for two. Big Show gets back in and there’s a double clothesline and headbutts all around. He slams Angle onto JBL to a big reaction. When did Big Show get this popular? Both guys get crushed in the corner and another double clothesline puts both guys down.

Show loads up a double chokeslam but the other guys go High/Low to take Show down. Angle Germans JBL down and hits a bad Angle Slam which gives JBL two. There’s a chokeslam to JBL but he gets a foot on the rope. Out to the floor and Show spears JBL through the barricade in his signature spot, putting all three guys down.

Back in and Angle goes after Show with a chair but gets flapjacked face first onto the steel. Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns, Angle’s lackeys, come out for the save as JBL’s Cabinet try to wake up the champion. Show beats up Jindrak and Reigns as Orlando Jordan puts JBL in the ring for the Clothesline to pin Angle to retain.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches I was expecting to suck but it wound up being pretty solid. Angle is going to be good no matter what he does and Show had some solid motivation out there for a change. JBL escaping with the title was a recurring theme for nearly a year until he ran into a buzzsaw called John Cena in a few months. Shockingly good match here.

Batista won’t sign Carlito’s petition to get rid of Teddy Long. Carlito loads up the apple, looks at Batista, and swallows. Funny bit.

Batista goes to draw his number and hears Bischoff bar Evolution from ringside for the next match. Big Dave seems very happy to tell HHH.

Long video recapping HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other, Orton was never supposed to get another shot, so tonight he gets another shot.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending. This is when Orton was still young and a not quite plucky face. He punches Orton to the floor and gets two off a dropkick back inside. HHH pounds away in the corner but gets caught in Snake Eyes to stop him cold again. Orton tries the RKO again but gets dumped to the floor, which thankfully doesn’t break his shoulder again. HHH sends him into the steps and heads back in for some knees to Orton’s back.

The Game goes after the taped up knee and wraps it around the post because he can. HHH modifies the cannonball down onto the leg by dropping an elbow instead of sitting on it. After a quick attempt at a small package by Orton, HHH puts on a LONG Figure Four, lasting way longer than almost any other I can remember. Orton finally turns it over, sending HHH retreating to the floor.

Orton sends him over the announce table and pounds away before heading back in for his backbreaker. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for Orton as does a regular one. The powerslam by Orton gets two as he doesn’t seem interested in selling the knee at all. HHH counters punching in the corner into an atomic drop to slow things down again. HHH goes up top for no apparent reason and gets armdragged down, allowing Orton to hit a top rope cross body (his old finisher) for two.

Orton counters a Pedigree attempt into a catapult but HHH counters the RKO for at least the third time before hitting the high knee for two. Randy is bleeding from the lip. The Pedigree is escaped again and Orton gets two off a clothesline. The champ rolls to the floor again and gets sent into the steps for trying to hide. Back in and Orton pounds away in the corner, only to miss a DDT attempt and possibly give himself a concussion.

The referee looks at Orton to stall even more, as I think they’re going for some big emotional moment where Orton fights through adversity. HHH charges at Orton and knocks out the referee at the same time. It’s hammer time but HHH misses his charge and hits the post. Back inside and Orton gets the hammer, only to have his head taken off by a clothesline. HHH throws away the hammer and hits the Pedigree to retain.

Rating: D+. As usual, these two do not work well together at all. This was one of their worse matches too, as Orton never seemed to have HHH even remotely in danger at all. At the end, HHH had Orton dead to rites for a long time and won clean (he never used the hammer) with a Pedigree. Orton’s face push was killed dead here so he had to turn heel and feud with the Undertaker soon after this. Not a good match and kind of headscratching booking.

Angle literally steals Nunzio’s number and spot in the Rumble.

Teddy tells JBL and company that Jibbles has to defend the title against Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage match at No Way Out.

Royal Rumble

Eddie Guerrero is #1 and Benoit is #2. Dang Benoit is on a run of bad luck in these things. I think we’ve got 90 second intervals again here. Feeling out process to start and they get into a technical standoff of course. Eddie hooks one of the few chinlocks in Rumble history until Daniel Puder, the winner of Tough Enough 4 (beating Mike MIZanin in the finals) is #3. He gets on the mic and says that he’ll be the first Tough Enough Champion to win the Rumble, drawing “are you serious” glares from Benoit and Eddie.

Benoit and Eddie fire off chops in the corner followed by a double suplex because they can. Eddie hits Three Amigos and Hardcore Holly is #4. Holly asks if he can have some fun with Puder and rips some skin off with chops in the corner. Benoit and Eddie get in some chops of their own before Holly kicks Puder low, hits the Alabama Slam, and throws him out. Hurricane is #5 as Guerrero and Benoit dump Holly.

Hurricane gets double teamed but Eddie tries a double cross, only to get chopped for his efforts. Hurricane hits a Blockbuster on Eddie but Benoit chops him down and whips him into Eddie for the elimination. Kenzo Suzuki (one of the most forgettable footnotes in wrestling history) is #6. Just like everyone else, Benoit and Eddie pound on him in the corner with chops and suplexes, but Benoit turns on Eddie ala earlier but only throws him to the apron.

Edge is #7 to a BIG pop. He beats on everyone in sight but gets clotheslined down by Benoit. Rey Mysterio is #8 and my goodness does Suzuki look out of place in there. Thankfully Rey headscissors him out about twenty seconds after entering, getting us down to an AWESOME tag match if they ever got around to doing it. Edge goes after Guerrero and here’s Shelton Benjamin, the current IC Champion and on pure fire at this point, at #9.

There isn’t a bad combination in the ring at the moment. Benoit tries to dump Rey but Eddie tries to put both of them out. Shelton can’t eliminate Edge so he walks into a headscissors from Rey instead. Here’s Booker at #10 to keep the talent level high. Question for discussion: who is the worst worker in the ring at the moment? Here’s Eric Bischoff to cheer on the Raw guys as Benoit puts Eddie in a Boston Crab.

Jericho is #11 to a BIG pop. Teddy Long comes out to cheer as well as various people beat on each other. Luther Reigns is #12 to stop the hot streak dead. With four Raw guys (Benoit, Edge, Jericho and Benjamin) and four Smackdown guys (Booker, Luther, Mysterio and Guerrero), it’s time for a showdown ala the West Side Rumble that the show is based on. That’s a cool idea in theory, but what happened to the “every man for himself” concept?

Muhammad Hassan is #13 and the match stops cold. Everyone surrounds Hassan and the group beatdown is on. The fans REALLY dig this, which says a lot about Hassan’s potential. He was going to win the world title over Batista in Washington DC at Summerslam, but real life issues got in his way. Hassan is out in less than a minute and here’s Orlando Jordan at #14. Tazz says we can compare Jordan to Benjamin. Other than a good look, talent, charisma or fan interest, they are indeed neck and neck.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #15 but Hassan jumps him in the aisle, keeping him from ever getting into the ring. Taker beat him down in the aisle in 2002 also so it’s not the best even for Mr. Hotty. The ring is getting too full now but most of the guys are talented enough that I can live with it. Charlie Haas is #16 and Luther is put out by Booker, as is Jordan. That clears things out a bit. Booker stops for a Spinarooni and charges into a low bridge from Eddie to get rid of him.

Renee Dupree is #17, giving us Benoit, Guerrero, Edge, Mysterio, Haas, Jericho, Benjamin and Dupree. The World’s Greatest Tag Team hits their Shelton jumps over Charlie spot to Renee but Shelton misses a splash in the corner and gets dumped by Edge. Simon Dean is #18 but he stops to do exercises on the floor before getting in. JR goes off on him in a funny bit. Eddie stops to look at him and Edge dumps Guerrero as a result.

Shawn is #19 and superkicks Simon out, doing some Hindu Squats to celebrate. Edge tries to corner Mysterio in a corner. JR: “Makes a lot of sense.” Shawn backdrops Charlie out and Kurt Angle is #20. He hits Angle Slams on everything in sight but tries the ankle lock on Shawn. Michaels rolls through and superkicks Angle out after less than 40 seconds. Coach is #21 and you can hear JR groan. He gets in a single shot on Benoit and runs to hide.

Edge tries to put Mysterio out and here’s Jindrak at #22. Angle comes back in and dumps Michaels before blasting him with the steps and putting him in the ankle lock. I’m thinking we need a masterpiece at Wrestlemania to settle this. Viscera is #23 and he pounds on everyone in sight. Paul London is #24 and nearly slides out of the ring from sliding in so far. Dupree takes him down but stops to dance, allowing Jericho to dump him.

London gets sent to the apron but slides back in as Cena (BIG pop) is #25. He gets in a shot on everyone and backdrops Viscera out. Cena and Benoit slug it out as Snitsky is #26. He’s still kind of a threat at this point and runs over everyone in sight. Londdon gets knocked to the apron again and hit with a HUGE clothesline for an even bigger backflip off the apron to the floor. That made a lot of highlight reels.

Snitsky and Cena stare each other down and John takes a big boot. Kane is #27 complete with pyro. Tazz: “WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT OVER HERE??? THIS IS NUTS!!!” Chokeslams all around as London is taken out on a stretcher. Jindrak goes out thanks to Kane and Coach of all people tries to avenge him. Batista is #28 and the pop that Cena got looks like a whimper. Snitsky is gone immediately and it’s time for a showdown with Kane. The crowd is WAY into Batista as he powerbombs Kane.

There goes Jericho thanks to Big Dave but Edge hangs on. Christian is #29 and he goes right after Cena. Cena is all like BRING IT ON and stomps Christian down in the corner. Rey hits a 619 on Kane and Cena FU’s the monster out. Flair is #30, giving us a final group of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batsita, Christian and Flair. Not bad at all with one exception. Evolution teams up for a spinebuster on Coach for the elimination before doing the same to Christian.

Benoit chops away at Flair but walks into a spinebuster and the elimination by Ric. Flair goes for a toss out of Batista but gets glared at in response. Edge and Mysterio dropkick Batista down and Edge dumps Flair, getting us down to Edge, Mysterio, Cena and Batista. Edge spears Cena and Batista down but Mysterio avoids the one coming at him. There’s a 619 to the Canadian but a springboard legdrop misses and Edge spears Rey out. Edge charges at Cena and we’re down to Cena vs. Batista.

The fans REALLY like this (and they’re in red(ish) and blue to match their brands) and the staredown is on. Cena slaps away (clearly open handed) and tries the FU over the top but Batista blocks it. Dave loads up the Bomb but Cena fights out of it and they head to the ropes where both fall out, seemingly at the same time. Seriously, it’s so close you can’t fairly say one of them went out first.

We have a split decision, so here’s Vince to charge out, slide into the ring….and destroy his knees and rip both of his quadriceps at the exact same time. While Vince sits on the mat (and hopefully doesn’t seeing Batista dying laughing), both guys throw each other out and Vince restarts the match. Why this means we don’t start with Benoit and Guerrero again isn’t explained but it’s spinebuster and elimination for Batista, sending Big Dave to the main event of Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. I don’t remember liking this as much the first time around but this was really good stuff. That segment in the first part with all the talent was reminiscent of the 1990 edition where there was a string of incredibly talented guys to start things off. Then things slowed down a bit, but once Cena hit the crowd, who was already red hot all night, got turned up to white levels and things went through the roof. Goofy ending (which wasn’t planned) aside, this was great stuff and a forgotten classic Rumble.

Overall Rating: B. This is a solid show overall with only the casket match being really bad. The Raw Title match isn’t terrible but it’s not worth watching either, especially with Orton’s lack of selling being horrible. Batista and Cena would of course go on to Wrestlemania to win both world titles and dominate the company for years to come, making this a truly game changing show. Good stuff here and certainly worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

Redo: B-

The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Original: D-

Redo: D

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B

Redo: C+

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: B-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Like I said, I liked the Rumble a lot more this time around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/24/royal-rumble-count-up-2005-the-rise-of-the-new-generation/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 19, 1998
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 7,329
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Kevin Kelly, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially on the Road to Wrestlemania now as this is the night after the Rumble. Austin won of course and will face HBK, the winner of the casket match. Unfortunately the winner of the casket match shattered his back and can barely move let alone wrestle. Things would have to be booked properly to make sure this worked right, which was impressive in its own right.

That’s not the most important thing tonight though, as we have one of the most famous moments in wrestling history tonight as Mike Tyson is here. This would, for all intents and purposes, launch Austin vs. McMahon. Just saying that name brings a little smile to my face. They had had some run-ins before this but nothing that would compare to this one. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kane vs. Taker. Going into the Rumble there was a belief that Kane might help his brother in the casket match. Kane did appear during the match but turned on his brother (yeah I’m stunned too) and threw him in the casket, locked it, and LIT IT ON FIRE. Footage would later reveal the casket was empty after it was clear Kane had thrown him in there. I’m not sure if that had aired yet though.

Theme song is still awesome. Austin signs all over the place.

Paul Bearer opens the show properly as he comes out to Taker’s old music. Mad heat on Bearer. He says he got us didn’t he. Bearer talks about how awesome he is for a good while and about how it was all a plan with him and Kane and how Kane never really left him. This is some pretty solid gloating indeed. How exactly does Bearer get his face to curve like that?

He says that Taker is gone and never to return. Naturally this brings about a gong and a big pop from the crowd. Druids bring out a casket and of course Kane is in it. JR calls him dastardly so you can tell he’s serious. Paul Bearer says he’s Paul Bearer and you’re not. Thanks for clearing that up fat boy.

Ad for the encore of the Rumble, complete with every single highlight of it.

We talk to DX in the back where HHH says that Owen might want to head south too because he can’t cut it here. Shawn talks about being guilt ridden over the whole incident with Taker last night. He’s going to bring Taker back tonight though.

Disciples of Apocalypse vs. Nation of Domination

The Nation is Farooq, Kama and D’Lo here against the regular three Disciples. One of the twins that we’ll call Skull starts with D’Lo. Never mind as that’s 8-Ball. Brown got a nice run in the Rumble and they were trying to push him as a decent midcard guy around this time which never really got off the ground even with the European Title.

Skull wasn’t in the Rumble as some people jumped him, thinking he was Austin. That was actually kind of creative. Chainz (Brian Lee to you SMW and ECW fans) takes over for a bit before Kama takes him down. Off to Farrooq now who would soon be thrown out of the Nation. By soon I mean a few weeks/months but close enough. The fans are all over D’Lo here so maybe that’s what they saw in him.

He takes down one of the twins with an elbow to give the Nation control again. Why did the Harris Brothers keep getting jobs? They weren’t interesting at all but they managed to keep getting signed. We sing Farrooq’s praises for a bit until Brown misses a moonsault so that Skull (I guess) can make the tag to Chainz. Everything breaks down and it’s a DQ. Rock and Henry run down and it’s a big beatdown. Shamrock comes out to get a piece of Rock and Ahmed Johnson comes out because he existed to fight the nation.

Rating: C-. Pretty boring match here but it was to set up the post match shenanigans. I’m assuming this would set up a big ten man tag somewhere but I don’t remember it off the top of my head. This wasn’t too bad and I’ve long since been a fan of tag matches to start shows so this was fine.

Vic Venom gives us an ad for Raw Magazine. He would eventually go to WCW and become an onscreen character by his real name: Vince Russo. And so it begins.

Tom Brandi vs. Marc Mero

PLEASE let this be their last fight as no one cared about this feud at all. I didn’t realize Chimmel did announcing this early. Ridiculous pop for Sable. Mero puts a robe on Sable that says Property of Marvelous Marc Mero. Brandi is big and Italian. That’s all there is to him really. He jumps Mero to start us off and gets a side slam for two. Big Sable chant starts up as Mero gets a DDT to take over.

He’s starving for attention apparently. Someone brings a bouquet of flowers for Sable and Mero isn’t pleased at all. He beats up the flowers instead of Brandi and sends Sable to the back to great heat. Brandi’s limited offense is in full swing here including a sitout Gordbuster for two.

Brandi speeds things up a bit and gets two off a reversal to a suplex. TKO is countered and Brandi is sent to the floor on the kickout. Sunset flip gets two and here’s Sable to distract the referee and the TKO (Fireman’s Carry into a Cutter) ends this. Mero beats him up with the flowers for fun post match.

Rating: C. This actually wasn’t that bad. It would have been a lot better if anyone actually cared about Brandi but I guess that’s splitting hairs. This wasn’t much of anything but it wasn’t boring which is rather surprising. Decent little match that hopefully ends this feud once and for all.

DX goes off to inspect the hearse which I might have mentioned earlier but I’m not sure that’s here and open the back door. Inside are….women. The pull the guys inside and Chyna shuts the door. And they were in a hearse why?

Shane arrives with Mike Tyson. Maybe that should be switched.

Quebecers vs. Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie

…the heck? What in the world are these doing here? Didn’t I suffer enough back in 94? They start on the floor of course and it’s all hardcore dudes in control so far. Jacques, looking about 90 pounds heavier than the last time I saw him, starts with Funk officially. Piledriver by Rougeau can’t keep Terry down for even one.

Off to Pierre who used to be a pirate I think but I might have my guys backwards. Cactus comes in to save Charlie/Terry and throws a Mandible Claw on the referee because he’s a little nuts. That’s good for a DQ but the beating continues post match. Terry, the freaking crazy man that he is, launches a Vader Bomb off the apron to take out everyone. Cactus clears the ring with a bat despite not really being in trouble. No rating as this was mainly brawling without much of any actual wrestling.

DX is still looking for the Deadman and asks some Mexican midgets. Shawn doesn’t want to bend down that far so Chyna picks him up instead.

Tyson is having fun talking to….Sgt. Slaughter?

NWA North American Title: Bradshaw vs. Jeff Jarrett

Bradshaw is a Blackjack here so he has more or less no chance here. Jarrett has Cornette and the Rock N Roll Express with him which is an odd combination indeed. Cornette gets on commentary because he’s awesome. Cornette rants about the WWF being worse than the NWA and goes about 20 seconds without taking a breath in one long sentence. Nothing impressive for Cornette but awesome for normal humans.

Jarrett controls to start but runs into the future New York Millionaire who launches him with a fallaway slam. Bradshaw went 40 minutes in the Rumble last night. The Express interferes to give Jarrett the advantage but he misses a charge. Gibson takes him down again but there’s what would become the Clothesline From JBL for no cover. BIG powerbomb takes Jarrett down again and has to fight the Express some more. Windham is at ringside and does nothing but accidentally hit Bradshaw to end it.

Rating: D+. This was a mess for the most part but had some entertaining value to it. Bradshaw was a guy that they wanted to push for a long time it seemed but it took six years for them to finally pull the trigger on him for some reason. The NWA angle is one of those that I’m still not sure what the point was but it would die off soon.

The NWA guys beat Bradshaw down post match and Windham turns on him, joining the NWA again. They had a decent little stable going there.

Ads for house shows.

Time for Hour #2 which is where the good stuff happened more often than not.

Shawn rants about not speaking Spanish and not being able to find Taker, and the lights go out. Great you’ve summoned Satan somehow.

Tyson is still walking around in the back.

There’s the gong going off and there go the lights again. Do they pay their electric bills or not? Someone is lowered from the ceiling but you can’t see anyone clearly at all. The lights come up….and it’s Shawn in Taker attire. He’s managing to dance here so I guess his back wasn’t completely destroyed until the next day. Chyna and HHH head to the ring with a grill as it’s time for a cookout.

Let the wiener jokes begin. Chyna has a salami which may or may not be a joke. HHH offers Owen (The Mr. Hanky of WWF, which was the tenth episode of South Park and the most recent at the time so that really was a new idea at the time) a title match next week despite having a bad knee. He also says why would you want to ride Space Mountain (throwing in a WOO here) because it’s old and broken down. I wonder if Flair ever called him out on that later.

Shawn says he’s still awesome and wanted to give Taker one more shot but he’s gone. He wants to know who’s next for the title shot and says the name Stone Cold, drawing the biggest pop of the night by far. He goes over Austin’s resume and points out that he has done all those things as well, although he leaves out being one of the three people to win a pair of Rumbles. Shawn says that the Heartbreak Kid lays down for absolutely nobody, which seemed like it was taking a lot of effort to say for some reason.

Tyson is talking to the LOD which is so awesome it’s beyond words. Sunny shows up to hit on him which gives Hawk a rush. Ok then.

Los Boricuas vs. Owen Hart/Taka Michinoku/Headbangers

Honky Tonk Man of all people is on commentary here. Has anyone ever explained why Los Boricuas aren’t Las Boricuas as they should be? Miguel (don’t worry about who is who. Only Savio ever meant anything) starts with Taka and actually beats up the champion a bit. Off to Mosh and Jesus now and there are a lot of leapfrogs. JR says Jerry and Honky are talking like cousins, wink wink nudge nudge.

The Puerto Rican gang beats on Mosh for awhile and Savio WOOs at the crowd which seems to be a theme for the night. Owen comes in to a BIG pop, which means nothing though and he should be fed to HHH of course, and the Sharpshooter ends one of the unimportant guys with relative ease.

Rating: C-. Just barely long enough to pass here but it wasn’t too bad. These matches aren’t very good but when you have three minutes and eight guys, how much can you get in there? The point was for Owen to look good and he ran through the four guys with ease at the end so it did its job and wasn’t terribly boring so I’ll let it pass.

Owen accepts HHH’s challenge for next week.

Tyson is talking to the Nation now.

Austin is still to come. If you couldn’t figure out the ending already you’re an idiot.

Rocky Maivia vs. Ahmed Johnson

They’re alternating between Rocky Maivia and The Rock at this point. Ahmed rushes the ring and Rocky takes him down almost immediately. Ahmed could have been awesome but he couldn’t stay healthy. Rock hits an elbow drop which is just a flashy move here and nothing special at all, not even having a name yet.

Crowd HATES Rocky here. Ahmed blocks a suplex and here he comes (To save the day! Save the day!). Big clothesline takes the Great One down and we hit the floor. Rocky into the steps but here’s Mark Henry to run interference. He grabs a chair as Rocky takes a spinebuster. It’s time for the Plunge but there’s the chair to Ahmed’s back and the Rock Bottom (no name either) ends it. Really short so no rating again.

Shamrock runs down to get a piece of the Rock but he bails.

We get a clip of last night with Shawn standing over the open casket and Taker grabbing his balls. Odd moment.

Tyson is chilling with DX.

Tag Titles: Godwinns vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are still fine tuning things here and wouldn’t join DX for over two more months. Road Dogg does the big long intro as he’s coming to the ring. They’re in overalls here to make fun of the hog farmers I guess. And the fight is on almost immediately with the big men taking over early. The Outlaws had a tendency to get destroyed for the vast majority of their matches before somehow escaping with the belts.

Billy gets his overalls ripped off to be left in blue tights. Ross is pimping the heck out of that replay. As I predicted the Outlaws are getting destroyed here. Phineas goes Japan by launching some kicks at Billy’s ribs. No Road Dogg in yet. We’re talking about Tyson more or less non stop here which is fine for once. This has been completely one sided.

Road Dogg has to break up a pin while Lawler talks about how everyone in his family is a boxer, except for his aunt who is a Doberman. Funny line. Billy tries to fight back which gets him nowhere. Wheelbarrow slam gets two by Henry. It all breaks down and Road Dogg gets a shot to Henry with a bucket for Billy to get the pin to retain. Road Dogg was never in the match. There was a brick in the bucket, as I guess the METAL BUCKET wasn’t enough to knock Henry out.

Rating: D. This was just bad. The Outlaws were awful in the ring at this point and the Godwinns were never good in the first place. This didn’t work in the slightest with there being one Outlaw in the match the entire time and the ending being pure Outlaws trash. Boring match overall and a weak main event. Granted that’s not the most important part of the show in the slightest.

And here it is. Vince brings out Mike Tyson for a major announcement. This was one of the major blows against WCW as this got WWF mainstream media coverage and in turn got fans watching. Tyson and the Attitude Era fit perfectly together and WCW was in trouble and knew it. Tyson lists off some of his favorites: Don Leo Jonathan (never wrestled for WWF) and Nikolai Volkoff (WTF???).

Vince starts to make the announcement that at Mania, in this very ring….CUE GLASS SHATTER! Security (read as Slaughter and referees) come out to stop him and the ring is completely full now. Austin says that he’s tired of Tyson shaking everyone’s hands and he won’t shake Tyson’s hands. This is an awesome moment if you can’t tell.

Austin says he wants a piece of Tyson. Get a room dude. It’s the famous scene of Austin saying that he’s the toughest son of a gun on the planet and that while he respects what Tyson has done in boxing, he’s in Austin’s world now. Austin says that if his words aren’t working he has some sign language for Tyson and flips him off. Tyson shoves Austin and it’s a big brawl.

The goons finally get Austin out of the ring and we get the famous shot of Vince shouting down to Austin that he ruined it, morphing into Mr. McMahon for the first time I believe. Austin flips Vince off and apparently hit one of Tyson’s guys. The crowd noise is ridiculously loud. After a quick break, Vince is seen begging Tyson to stay as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling is bad and the matches were pointless, but that’s the key word: pointless. This wasn’t about wrestling as it was clearly about making Austin look like a major deal. It was incredibly clear that Austin was getting the title at Mania. What wasn’t clear was how he was going to do it. Adding Tyson in was a perfect blend of mainstream and wrestling and its importance can’t be overshadowed. This was a fairly decent Raw for the most part but the ending was excellent. Good show overall.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #105
Date: September 15, 1997
Location: Independence Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It’s the night after Fall Brawl and to the shock of no one paying attention, the NWO beat up WCW again last night. This time though they did it with the help of Curt Hennig, who turned on the Horsemen last night and slammed the cage door on Flair’s head. The NWO won WarGames after Mongo submitted to make the NWO stop beating on Flair, which of course they did anyway. Halloween Havoc is in about six weeks. Let’s get to it.

We open with a shot of Flair in the emergency room and Tony says he can’t do the show tonight. Apparently Flair got him into the business and he’s too disturbed to do this. Well if that’s what we get from Flair having his head crushed, I can’t say I’m that upset.

Dean Malenko vs. Disco Inferno

Dean has a bad knee from last night thanks to Jarrett. Disco arm drags him down but walks into a clothesline like the idiot that he is. Malenko pounds away which isn’t exactly his norm. A leg lariat puts Disco down but he rakes the eyes to break up the Cloverleaf. Inferno tries a double ax off the middle rope but jumps into a punch to the ribs. Back to the stomping for Dean which is something you almost never get to say.

Disco gets up an elbow in the corner to slow Dean down but charges into a powerslam. Dean hammers away but can’t get into it because A, he’s Dean Malenko and B, his knee is messed up. Disco, FINALLY having a brain, goes after the big bandage on the knee. Malenko can barely even run the ropes but he’s pulling a Bret Hart as he grabs Disco in the double underhook powerbomb and Cloverleafs him for the win.

Rating: C-. Disco was just a foil here but Dean was selling the knee very well. Note the difference here between his selling and most regular selling: Dean actually changed up his style because of an injury rather than doing his regular stuff and holding his knee. That’s a BIG difference and it makes an injury that much more believable.

Eddie is on WCW.com.

Faces of Fear vs. Harlem Heat

Mike runs down the card for the rest of the card and it’s rather refreshing over hearing Tony’s same stuff over and over. Stevie and Meng start things off and Meng be clubberin. Barbarian comes in illegally and Stevie clears the ring. Off to Booker but the monsters double team him down and take over. A double headbutt keeps Booker down in the corner and it’s off to Barbarian.

Raven is sitting in the crowd. Back to Stevie who gets choked down by Meng as things slow down. Back to Barbie for more slow chops and strikes and an even slower choke. Ray comes back with a falling suplex and there’s the hot tag to Booker. He cleans house as everything breaks down but Meng gets Booker in the Tongan Death Grip for the win.

Rating: D+. This was a pretty slow paced match that didn’t really work all that well. As I’ve talked about before, there’s no reason for these teams to be fighting when no one ever gets a title shot at the Outsiders other than the Steiners on occasion. The Faces of Fear were fine for what they were but they never went anywhere.

Gene talks to Page (and even fires off a Diamond Cutter sign) and apparently it’s going to be Page vs. Savage III at Halloween Havoc.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera

Rey takes off his mask to reveal another one before giving the original to the crowd. Not only is this cool, but Mike’s panicking when Rey unhooked the match was hilarious. Mysterio immediately takes him down for two but Juvy escapes into a headlock. A flying headscissors puts Guerrera down again but Rey gets draped over the top. With Rey on the apron, Juvy hits a running sunset bomb out to the floor in a SICK looking bump.

A suplex back in sets up a slingshot legdrop from Juvy for two. Rey counters a powerbomb into a seated senton for no count as Juvy is in the ropes and things start speeding up. A kind of Sky High from Rey gets two as does a top rope rana. Juvy comes right back with a falling back powerbomb to put both guys down. This is starting to get pretty awesome. Juvy misses a charge into the corner and winds up on the floor so Rey can hit a BIG flip dive over the corner into a seated senton to take both guys out. Back in and Juvy springboards into a powerbomb and a perfectly smooth West Coast Pop gets the pin.

Rating: B. Take two cruiserweights, give them seven minutes and let them wow the crowd. It worked time after time and it worked here again. This was nothing but a spot fest and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s WCW sticking with the idea of something for everyone again and it works here again. Really good stuff here.

Rey says he’s coming for Konnan.

TV Title: Alex Wright vs. Steven Regal

Regal is challenging. Wright immediately takes him down with an armdrag and it’s time to dance! They trade arm control until Regal takes him down to the mat with an arm hold of his own. Nice job of trading the same moves there. A big slap to the face staggers Wright so he comes back with European uppercuts from one European to the other.

The crowd actually cheers for Regal which isn’t something you often hear. That’s a good sign for Wright as a heel if nothing else. Alex dances a bit and Regal dropkicks him down to a face pop. Both guys collide and hit the mat to give them a breather. The challenger wins a slugout but can’t get the Regal Stretch on before Alex makes the rope. They trade rollups until Regal is sent into the corner and staggers into a German suplex to retain the title.

Rating: C+. Wright is definitely getting over as a heel and Regal is as solid as ever. This title would bounce around more than any other in the company which made for exciting periods, but the feuds never really went anywhere. At the end of the day, there weren’t a ton of feuds going on and that’s why the title didn’t mean much for a good while.

Ray Traylor will fight any member of the NWO if they’re man enough to face him.

Konnan vs. The Giant

Apparently Tony can’t bring himself out to do commentary. Still a sweet show so far. Giant tosses Konnan to the floor to start and the beating begins. Konnan tries to fire off some shots but they have no effect. We head to the floor again with Konnan trying to run but getting a headbutt for his efforts. Back in and Konnan is in BIG trouble as he gets slammed down. We head to the floor yet again and Konnan gets in some shots as they come back in, only to jump into the chokeslam for the pin. Total squash.

Hour #2 begins and STILL NO TONY!

Nitro Girls do their thing.

The announcers discuss if the Horsemen are dead or not. Larry is SURE that Curt was in the NWO since he got here.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Stevie Richards

Stevie tunes up the band before getting in the Crane stance from Karate Kid. Page gives him the Diamond sign before starting to pound on the shoulder. A gutwrench gutbuster puts Richards down but Richards manages to guillotine him on the top rope. Raven is watching intently. Richards hits a running elbow in the corner before getting punched in the face for his efforts. TKO ends this easily for Page.

Rating: D. This was just to do more stuff with Raven vs. Stevie, even though Richards wouldn’t be around much longer at all. Page was just killing time before the next match with Savage before he could head towards the rest of his feud with the NWO. Actually I think he would be fighting Raven soon too.

Raven slaps Richards and sends him to the floor post match before leaving through the crowd.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Wrath/Mortis

Hall and Mortis start things off with the Outsiders making fun of how over the top the challengers are. Scott cranks on the arm before pounding away but Mortis comes back with a big kick. He then spits on Hall’s body, despite wearing am ask meaning the spit would go nowhere. Hall comes right back with the fallaway slam and it’s off to Wrath vs. Nash.

Big Kev pounds him into the corner but Wrath throws him into the opposite corner and beats the TAR out of Nash, including getting two off a bicycle kick. Off to Mortis for a Russian legsweep and a middle rope legdrop for two each. A Syxx distraction lets Nash get in the big boot to both guys. The Jackknife ends Mortis.

Rating: C+. WAY better than I was expecting here, which is what I’ve wound up saying about every Mortis/Wrath match I’ve seen so far. Wrath had potential if he never had to talk, but since it was WCW he wound up being fed to people like Nash and Rick Steiner for the sake of making the old guys look good. The fans were getting into this when the Outsiders were in trouble. Naturally Hall and Nash wouldn’t be beaten for the titles until January.

Here are Bischoff and Hogan flanked by the rest of the NWO. Flair’s music plays and here’s Hennig in Flair’s red robe. Just getting everyone into the ring took SEVEN MINUTES. Hennig is welcomed into the team and gets hit in the head with a drink. Curt talks about how good it felt to slam the door on Ric’s head last night and join the greatest wrestling organization in wrestling history. He gives the robe to Hogan and we get an evil laugh.

Savage says he’ll beat DDP at Havoc. Hogan talks about how Piper was President of the WWF and tried to boss him around. I’ll leave it to you all as an exercise to figure out how stupid that line is. Now Piper has lied about going home to his family. Hall and Hogan tell Piper to come visit him “down here” (basically the NWO version of Suck It) and say Sting won’t be a problem after that. This was nearly 14 minutes of NOTHING.

Video on Piper vs. Hogan.

Cruiserweight Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon

Eddie won the title last night. They immediately head to the mat but it’s a standoff. With no one being able to get an advantage, Dragon offers a test of strength. Apparently Eddie isn’t interested as he kicks Dragon down and then dropkicks him in the mask. Eddie cranks on the arm for a bit and even throws in an old fashioned hammerlock slam ala Arn Anderson. A few European uppercuts stagger Dragon but Eddie charges into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to reset things a bit.

Eddie sends Dragon into the corner and there’s the headstand in the corner. Its hypnotic powers continue to astound and Eddie gets kicked in the face. A BIG running Liger Bomb gets a near fall for Dragon so it’s time for a freaking giant swing. Dragon’s arm goes out before he can really get going, but he still manages to counter an Eddie powerbomb.

Guerrero tries to send him into the corner but gets caught in a regular sleeper that grows a tail and breathes enough fire to turn into the Dragon Sleeper. Eddie somehow kicks Dragon in the head to escape, followed by a shoulder breaker (psychology!) and the Frog Splash retains. Nice to see the arm work earlier coming back more than once.

Rating: B-. Even more good stuff from the cruiserweights here as Eddie begins his reign on top. Dragon was a good guy to put in a spot like this as he’s been established as solid already but isn’t going to get the title off Eddie yet. Good stuff here too with both guys flying around but not so much to make it a spot fest. Eddie was on fire back then.

Nitro Girls.

US Title: Steve McMichael vs. Curt Hennig

Mongo is both defending and out for revenge at the same time. He sprints to the ring and the fight is on fast. Hennig decks him fast but Mongo stares him down. He throws Hennig down but McMichael can’t even hit a double ax handle right. Hennig takes the knee out and wraps it around the post before cannonballing down onto it ala Flair. Off to a reverse Figure Four but Mongo pokes him in the eye to break out. Hennig takes Mongo right back down and works on the knee even more.

Mongo comes back with some kicks (remember what I said about psychology earlier?) but Curt pounds him down and works on the leg even more. Steve throws Curt into the corner and yells at him a lot before throwing Hennig into the corner for the crotching. Mongo hits some clotheslines and an atomic drop to REALLY emphasize that he isn’t selling the leg. Hennig gets rammed into three buckles but avoids the three point stance charge. Mongo hits the bottom buckle (not really but close enough) and the PerfectPlex gives the NWO the title.

Rating: D. To clarify, anything bad about this is ALL on Mongo. He couldn’t sell, he couldn’t hit a buckle, and he couldn’t even hit a freaking DOUBLE AX HANDLE properly. You put your hands together and whack a guy in the back. Thankfully they kept this short and it was clear that there was no way Mongo was winning here. This was pretty much it for Mongo as far as anything important. Also, how weird is it to see the title change completely clean like that?

Overall Rating: B-. More good wrestling here but it’s getting annoying seeing WCW get strong one week and then get crushed even harder a week later. Unfortunately once the time came for WCW to get their big win, that got screwed up too. There’s some good wrestling here though and the shows were really getting into a groove at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown (700^th Episode)
Date: January 18, 2013
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re getting very close to the Rumble and there’s a new world champion that the winner could challenge. Tonight is Del Rio’s fiesta for winning the title which is likely to open the show. Big Show is going to get his rematch at the Rumble so look for the interruption from him. There isn’t much else to talk about here so let’s get to it.

Apparently the Rock Concert is on Smackdown tonight. That sounds like a replay to me.

I was right as we open with a mariachi band and a dancing girl in the ring. Ricardo handles the introductions of course and I can’t help but like Del Rio a lot now. I don’t know if it’s the white suit or what but this face turn is perfect for him. Del Rio says we haven’t always seen eye to eye but we can celebrate that Big Show isn’t world champion anymore. They seem to really be cranking up the fake pops tonight.

Cue Ziggler who is here to crash the party. Del Rio says this is his party and apparently doesn’t want them here. Ziggler says that Alberto doesn’t have the world title but rather a target on his head. Dolph introduces Del Rio and Ricardo to Langston so Del Rio says get out of here. Ziggler says how about I have Langston drop you right here and I leave with the title. Del Rio says try it and here’s Big Show. Dolph says Del Rio is outnumbered so here’s Sheamus.

The pale one talks about his history with Del Rio, including stealing his car in San Antonio. Del Rio deserves to be champion though and Sheamus shakes his hand. Sheamus offers to be the bouncer for the fiesta and the fight is about to begin when Booker come out. Yep, it’s another tag match. I wouldn’t mind these as much if they didn’t spend ten minutes setting up something that should take 30 seconds. The heels leave and Booker gives us a Spinarooni to mariachi music. Sheamus does the Irish version of the Mexican hat dance.

Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title and no entrance for the champion anyway. Kofi cartwheels away to start before firing off some forearms. Cesaro grabs the gutwrench suplex to take Kofi down but Kingston starts jumping around and hitting some more forearms to take over. JBL throws in that this is episode 700 like an afterthought. That’s certainly a change of pace. The SOS gets two for Kofi so he goes up, only to dive into the Neutralizer (Switzerland, neutral. Oh I get it.) for the pin at 2:59. Not much above a squash here. Who did Kofi tick off lately?

Cesaro waves an American flag post match.

Miz shakes his head in the back when Epico, Primo and Rosa come in to laugh at him. They talk about Flair and Miz’s segment on Raw and suggest a match tonight. Miz doesn’t care which it is, which is appropriate as no one cares about Miz as a face.

Great Khali vs. Tensai

They circle each other to start as the announcers talk about monster movies. Khali fires off the chops as Josh desperately tries to make Tensai seem like a threat to anything more than a buffet. Tensai charges into a boot in the corner and the big chop gets the pin at 1:28.

Natalya and Khali dance a bit. JBL: “Does the Anvil know his daughter is a Punjabi princess?”

HELL NO is in the back and wonders why Dr. Shelby thought bringing in the Rhodes Scholars was a good idea. Bryan makes fun of Cody’s facial hair and Kane stares at him. This develops into an argument until Orton glares them down. They have a six man tonight. Bryan points out that Orton isn’t a champion at the moment which ticks him off a bit. After they win their match tonight, GROUP HUG! Randy: “I’m not much of a hugger.” Bryan: “Not yet you’re not.” That came off a little bit creepy.

HELL NO/Randy Orton vs. Rhodes Scholars/Wade Barrett

Randy wants Barrett to start but gets Cody instead. Off to Kane for his low dropkick which gets two before it’s off to Bryan. A double ax to the arm slows Cody down even more and it’s time to crank on it a bit. Daniel fires off his kicks to Cody’s chest before it’s off to Sandow who has to run away from the NO Lock. The heels regroup on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Sandow working over Kane before it’s off to Cody. He’s worried about hurting his mustache I guess because it’s off to Damien again for the Wind-Up Elbow. Kane slugs Barrett down for a bit but walks into Winds of Change for two. Cody’s Disaster Kick jumps into an uppercut though and it’s a double tag off to Sandow and Orton. Randy starts cleaning house but gets caught in Cross Rhodes for two. Rhodes gets shoved to the floor by Kane and it’s the RKO for the pin on Damien at 4:21 shown of 7:51.

Rating: C-. This was another short match in a series of them tonight. There’s just not enough time to really develop anything here but combining feuds is always a good idea. Then again that’s assuming Barrett and Orton are really feuding, because they only had one match and I don’t think they had more than about three seconds of contact here tonight. Still though, nothing terrible here.

Orton gets hugged and looks annoyed.

Here’s the ENTIRE Rock Concert from Raw and the post concert brawl.

The Miz vs. Primo

Dang that’s kind of a drop isn’t it? Miz starts by doing the Flair slick back of his hair. Primo gets annoyed by yet another Flair tribute character (please don’t let that be the case) and pounds away. A low dropkick to the face gets two for Primo and it’s off to a chinlock with a bodyscissors. Miz fights up from his knees as JBL talks about Heath Slater’s mom. Josh defends her and the deadpan voice JBL responds with is hilarious. “Do you consider Heath Slater’s mom a wrestling analyst?”

Primo keeps pounding away but Miz comes back with left hands of his own. They’re both left handed here which is a pretty odd thing to see. JBL takes a shot at TNA by saying that teams like the LOD, the Killer Bees and the Dudleys never made it as singles wrestlers. Miz rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Primo in the face to take over. JBL says very few people are like him and very few people are like Josh “thank God.” Epico distracts Miz to let Primo get in a chop block before being rammed into his cousin. Miz finishes him with the Figure Four at 5:44.

Rating: D+. Boring match but hilarious commentary here. I don’t know what they’re shooting for with Miz, but pairing him with Flair isn’t the answer. Miz’s main problem is that he’s still the same jerk he was beforehand, and Flair isn’t exactly going to humble him. Having Miz use the Figure Four is going to get annoying fast, just like it did when AJ used it in TNA.

The Divas celebrate Katilyn’s title win and Layla is admiring the belt a little too much. Booker and Teddy come up to congratulate her as well.

Kaitlyn vs. Aksana

They lock up to start and Kaitlyn takes her to the mat with a front facelock. A not very snappy suplex gets two for the champion (this is non-title) and Aksana shoves her to the floor. Aksana hooks a chinlock before I think trying to work on the shoulder. They start brawling on the mat with Aksana keeping control. Out of absolutely NOWHERE Kaitlyn hits a bad spear for the win at 3:30.

Rating: D-. This started off bland and got even worse. Aksana is just horrible in the ring and can’t do anything right. You could tell they ran out of stuff to do at about two minutes in and it turned into a sloppy brawl with a bad spear ending it. This division is dying for someone like Finlay to actually teach them how to wrestle a four minute match.

Mick Foley Hall of Fame video. Cool stuff. This is where it helps when WWE owns basically every piece of video ever and can put almost every highlight Foley has ever had into this.

We recap Ryback and Shield from Monday.

Shield does their usual thing and calls out Ryback, Sheamus and Orton. The reason they attacked Foley was because Foley set an example that led to a lot of people trying to be hardcore and injuring themselves in the process. That’s not a terrible explanation and makes as much sense as anything else.

Orton and Sheamus are watching the promo and say bring it on Shield. Sheamus apologizes for not being there to help Orton at Main Event when Shield attacked. Orton says he didn’t need help and talk turns to the Rumble, which both guys say they’ll win.

Big Show/Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio

Ziggy and Del Rio get things going here. After escaping a quick wristlock, Del Rio takes Dolph down and tries a middle rope moonsault. That goes nowhere so Alberto launches him into the air for two. Off to Sheamus to pound away on Ziggler as is his custom. A delayed vertical gets two but White Noise is escaped. Show comes in and pounds away on him in the corner before sending Sheamus to the outside. Langston gets involved and a fight nearly breaks out but the referee ejects Big E before it can go too far. AJ is tossed too.

We take a break and come back with Ziggler holding a chinlock on Del Rio but the champion comes out of it with a German suplex. The hot tag brings in Sheamus and as usual, Ziggler gets beaten up. Show interferes to send Sheamus off the top and out to the floor and actually give Ziggler a chance. Off to Show officially to stand on Sheamus’ back and lay on his leg. From his back, Sheamus manages to fire off the forearms to the chest to escape the hold but Show drops an elbow on his back to stop the tag.

A side slam gets two for Show and Show hits his Vader Bomb. He goes up for another one and you know that move isn’t hitting twice in one night. There’s the hot tag to Del Rio who cleans house on Ziggler. A low superkick to Dolph gets two followed by the cross armbreaker but Show makes the save. Sheamus pops back in for White Noise on Show to send him to the apron. Del Rio kicks the big man to the floor before throwing a bucket of water in his face (remember what happened on Raw) and Show walks out instead of fighting for the countout at 11:35 show of 15:05.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t bad here and it gives us some more friction between Show and Del Rio. Sheamus and Ziggler were just there to fill in two spots in the ring which is fine. This was about setting up stuff for later and there’s nothing wrong with that when the card for the Rumble is already set. Good little main event here.

Red, white and green balloons fall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is a hard show to grade. The first hour or so of the show is just there and most of the stuff is too short to grade. On the other hand nothing is really bad (other than the Divas but who cares about them anyway) and the main event was fun. This is WAY below what we had last week but a show being ok and having nothing of note being terrible is a step up for Smackdown anymore.

Results

Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston – Neutralizer

Great Khali b. Tensai – Chop to the head

HELL NO/Randy Orton b. Rhodes Scholars/Wade Barrett – RKO to Sandow

The Miz b. Primo – Figure Four Leg Lock

Kaitlyn b. Aksana – Spear

Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio b. Big Show/Dolph Ziggler via countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This is something I’ve gotten asked a good deal recently and I want to clarify it.My favorite baseball team is the Cleveland Indians.  That means I like them better than all other teams.  That does NOT mean I think they’re the best.  Anyone who follows baseball can tell that there are many better teams.  The same is true in wrestling.  My favorite wrestler is Mick Foley, but I certainly don’t think he’s the best ever.  There’s a very big difference between best and favorite, which needs to be remembered.

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the show where you can really see the next generation rising up. The main events other than the Rumble are Lesnar vs. Holly and HBK vs. HHH. Ok so maybe the next generation only comes up in the Rumble. Other than that we don’t have much going on here but this show is all about Benoit in the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Shawn vs. HHH because that’s what people are watching the ROYAL RUMBLE for right? The theme of the video is that things can change in the blink of an eye.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Evolution

Flair and Batista are defending here and this is a tables match. Coach is ticked off at the Dudleys for putting him through a table six nights ago on Raw, because if there’s one man you need to give a reason to be a heel, it’s COACH. Batista makes fun of the Eagles because he hasn’t broken through to the other side of the glass ceiling yet. The fight starts in the aisle as you would expect. This is one table to a finish, meaning only one guy has to go through to end it.

Bubba slides in a table but shoves it hard enough that it slides across the ring and hits Batista in the ribs on the other side of the floor. Flair gets double teamed to start and caught in a powerslam by D-Von. There’s a table set up in the ring but Batista moves it before Flair gets suplexed through it. D-Von hits a Cactus Clothesline on Batista as Flair chops Bubba against a table in the corner.

Big Dave comes back in with some clotheslines to clean house but misses a charge into the post. The belly to back neckbreaker from the Dudleys puts him down and it’s Flair getting double teamed again. According to JR, the Dudleys are the only team to win the (non-vacant) world tag team titles at the Rumble. Coach heads to the ring to distract the Dudleys and prevent a 3D to Flair. Flair saves Coach and Batista hits a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table to retain.

Rating: D. This match fell into the same trap that all bad tables matches fall into: the dull set of spots that fail until one works for the win. You rarely get something that gets around this through sheer carnage such as the match at the 2000 Rumble, but this was just terrible. I have no idea what they were going for here as the fans were disappointed and they only had four and a half minutes to get into it. Also: real smart WWE. This is the right way to start a show in Philadelphia: have some of the most famous ECW guys ever lose.

Cena raps about winning the Rumble when RVD comes in to steal the joke. Weed jokes are made. Josh Matthews looks like the king of all tools here.

There’s an empty seat for Mick Foley in the front row.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending. This is during the Nidia is Blind phase which didn’t do anything for anyone. They speed things WAY up to start with Jamie avoiding the 619 and launching Rey into the air to take over. The champ gets draped over the top rope for two and a hard kick to the back gets the same.

Jamie hooks a chinlock which shifts into a seated abdominal stretch. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and a springboard rana followed by the sitout bulldog for two. He springboards into a gutbuster from Noble for two though and momentum shifts again. Nidia accidentally grabs Noble’s foot, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and springboard legdrop…..for the pin? Huh?

Rating: D+. This was fast paced while it lasted, but those three words are the key: while it lasted. This barely broke three minutes which simply isn’t enough for a PPV title match. Unless I was missing it there was no sign of an injury or anything like that, but the match ends that fast. I have no idea what they were going for here but it didn’t work in any way at all. That’s a shame too because they were going well while it lasted.

Noble yells at Nidia post match.

We recap the battle of the Guerreros. Eddie was clearly the bigger star which was fine while they were champions, but once they lost the belts to the Bashams, Chavo blamed Eddie and turned on his uncle for losing his title. The Guerreros almost made up but they lost the rematch, after which Chavo let Eddie get double teamed by the Bashams. This was actually a pretty solid story despite how basic it was. Sometimes less is more. Oh and Kurt Angle was playing peacemaker and Chavo Guerrero Senior is in his son’s corner.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo bails to the floor before the bell and the fans are totally behind Eddie here. They fight over a lockup to start with no one being able to get an advantage. Chavo slaps Eddie in the face and now we’re ready to go. We hit the mat for a bit before Eddie starts snapping off chops in the corner. Chavo shoulders him down and we have a standoff. They chop it out again and Eddie goes to the eye like a true Guerrero.

Back to the mat with Eddie working on the arm before Chavo nips up and hooks a rana to send them both to the floor. Chavo sends Eddie into the announce table to finally take over and get some of the aggression going. Back in and they get into a kind of MMA style brawl on the mat until Eddie hooks a cross armbreaker of all things. That goes nowhere so Chavo suplexes Eddie down for two, followed by the Three Amigos. Eddie counters a tornado DDT and hits Three Amigos of his own. Chavo is down so Eddie goes up and hits the Frog Splash for the pin. ANOTHER quick ending tonight.

Rating: C+. This was way better than the other matches, but this felt like it was missing fifteen minutes or so. Three matches so far have combined to be about fifteen minutes long which is pretty lame for a modern PPV, even for the Rumble. This could have been a lot more, but the feud was completely done after tonight. Eddie would become #1 contender on the following Smackdown.

Eddie destroys Chavo post match in a pretty heelish display. Chavo gets busted open.

Ad for Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses. That’s the most entertaining part of the show so far.

Benoit likes his odds even though he’s #1 in the Rumble. Evolution comes up and says Orton is going to win the Rumble. Flair says Benoit may be great, but this is about Evolution tonight.

We recap Hardcore Holly vs. Lesnar. Brock broke Holly’s neck (legit) and Holly gets a world title shot out of it a year later. This is the textbook definition of the Rumble title shot where no one buys the champion as being in any danger whatsoever.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Holly jumps Lesnar in the aisle and sends him into the post because he wants to break Lesnar’s neck. We get a bell and Holly misses an elbow off the top to give Brock control. They head to the floor where Holly’s back is rammed into the apron and Lesnar hooks a reverse body vice back inside. That goes nowhere so Brock hits a Shell Shock for two and it’s right back to the hold.

We shift to a bearhug and then one of the most wicked overhead belly to belly suplexes you’ll ever see. Off to a kind of rear naked choke by Lesnar to keep things dull. Holly makes his comeback with the dropkick and hits the Alabama Slam but goes for a full nelson and revenge instead of the title. Holly hooks the hold and goes to the floor with it but has to break the count. The F5 hits a few seconds later to complete the inevitable.

Rating: D. This was Brock Lesnar defending the world title against Hardcore Holly on pay per view. If you can’t figure out why this got the rating it got, I can’t help you.

We recap HHH vs. HBK which is allegedly seven years in the making. I’m guessing THIS is supposed to be the FINAL blowoff to their feud instead of the classic in 2002.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

HHH is defending and this is a last man standing match. They chop it out to start and punch each other in the corner a lot. Shawn tries a backslide before realizing that makes no sense here, so it’s back to the chops. Michaels gets caught in a facebuster as things slow down a bit. A HARD whip into the corner has Shawn’s back in trouble and a backbreaker makes it even worse.

Out of nowhere Shawn takes out the leg and hooks a Figure Four, because where would we be without a Flair tribute? That gets a five count so Shawn hits a chop block for a four. HHH low bridges Shawn and we head to the floor for a bit. HHH loads up the announce table but Shawn blocks a Pedigree attempt. They slug it out on the table with HHH getting knocked to the floor, drawing a bunch of booing from the bloodthirsty Philadelphia fans.

Back in and Shawn counters a Pedigree with a backdrop to the floor but he injures his back in the process. Shawn tries a springboard cross body to the floor but crashes through the table instead as only he can. Instead of letting the now busted open Shawn get counted out, HHH throws him back in for the count, which reaches seven. The champ pounds Shawn down a few times for a few counts, most of which don’t get that far.

A fast spinebuster (literally, as Shawn was flying at HHH and it almost looked like a belly to belly instead of a spinebuster) gets about six. That’s the problem with most last man standing matches: it’s a big move then standing around for the count. That makes it very hard to get any kind of flow going to the match. HHH cracks Shawn in the back with a chair but Shawn gets up again. A Pedigree onto the chair is countered into a slingshot into the post, busting HHH open as well.

Now Shawn cracks HHH in the head with a chair, allowing HHH to do his weird “my head hurts and I’m not sure where I am” face. There’s the forearm followed by the nipup from Shawn, followed by an atomic drop and the top rope elbow. That gets about seven so Shawn tunes up the band, only to walk into a low blow to put both guys down. Shawn hooks a sleeper which eventually gets an eight count before walking into a DDT to put both guys down.

That gets a double eight count before we head to the corner. HHH tries a belly to back superplex but Shawn counters into a cross body for another double eight count. The Pedigree hits but it’s only good for a nine. Shawn pops up out of nowhere with some more Sweet Chin Music, putting both guys down for ten which keeps the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. The problem here is exactly what I said earlier: this was a lot of laying around. The last seven minutes or so had about five moves combined, as most of the match was “move, lay down, move, lay down, move, lay down.” The idea is supposed to be a ton of drama, but that didn’t happen here. Shawn would turn into a jerk in the next few weeks and insert himself in the Mania main event because of this ending.

Rumble video with a focus on Benoit.

The Fink is ready to start the Rumble but here’s Bischoff to run his mouth. He says that a Raw guy is going to win the Rumble because he’s respected as a GM. He runs down ECW, which brings out Heyman for a brawl. Cue Austin on his ATV to say that these two are both in violation of the law (he was called Sheriff Austin at this point) and wants to know who started it. Heyman and Bischoff: “HE DID!” Both guys get Stunners and the fans love it.

Goldberg, #30 in the Rumble, doesn’t get to talk because Lesnar comes in to interrupt him. Lesnar is called a coward, which will come into play later.

JR has to admit Foley is a coward because he isn’t here yet.

Royal Rumble

Benoit is #1 and the Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton is #2. Two minute intervals here again. They pound away on each other to start with Benoit taking him to the mat to stomp away. Mark Henry is #3 when he was a fat power guy with no direction at all. Allow me to be more specific: he’s still with Teddy Long. Benoit gets double teamed for awhile until Tajiri is #4. These intervals don’t seem to be two minutes or anywhere close to it.

The handspring elbow takes Orton down but Benoit rolls some Germans on Tajiri to take him down. Tajiri only gets two as I guess Benoit is conserving strength. Henry throws Orton to the apron but stops looking like an idiot. Bradshaw is #5 and he immediately clotheslines down everyone not named Benoit. Benoit takes offense to being left out and puts Bradshaw in the Crossface before pulling Bradshaw out. Eh he would get a nine month title reign stating in the summer so I feel no sympathy for him.

Rhyno is #6 as we’re flying through this so far. He goes after the two starters as Tajiri fires off kicks on Henry. Tajiri gets a half Tarantula on Henry but Henry gets Gored, knocking Tajiri out in the process. Benoit clotheslines Henry out and we’re down to three again. Matt Hardy is #7 and Benoit throws him to the apron almost immediately. In FAR less than two minutes, here’s Scott Steiner at #8. Oh dear it’s Scott Steiner at the Royal Rumble. This could be a disaster.

He starts firing off suplexes immediately but at least this time there are some t-bones to go with the belly to bellies. Benoit rolls some Germans on him as if to say THIS IS HOW YOU SUPLEX SOMEBODY. Things slow down a bit and here’s Matt Morgan at #9. He takes Benoit down with a Batista Bomb takes Benoit down and pounds away on Orton in the corner.

The Hurricane is #10 and comes in off the top with a cross body to Hardy. He goes after Morgan for no apparent reason and is thrown out in less than twenty seconds. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron again but can’t get him out. Booker T, complete with the stupid remix of his theme music with Booker singing, is #11. Booker immediately goes after Steiner in a revisiting of their WCW feud that no one was asking for.

Nothing of note happens until Kane is #12. This is after he buried Taker alive. For the first time. Steiner gets dumped by Booker during Kane’s entrance. Kane starts firing off chokeslams and other various power moves for which he is well known. The clock runs down at #13 and there go the lights. A gong goes off and Kane PANICS. Booker uses the distraction to dump Kane and here’s Spike Dudley at #13. He never makes it to the ring as Kane destroys him for setting off the gong.

Everyone tries to throw each other out while laying on the ropes until Rikishi is #14. Benoit dumps Rhyno to keep us at six people (Benoit, Orton, Rikishi, Booker, Morgan, Hardy) in the ring. Morgan gets a Stinkface and nothing else happens for a bit. Renee Dupree with the French Tickler is #15. In a surprising moment, Dupree actually knocks Matt out, only to be superkicked out by Rikishi a second later.

A-Train is #16 and goes right for Rikishi. Benoit avoids the yet to be named Carbon Footprint and dumps Morgan. I love that they’re keeping the ring from getting full. Orton dumps Rikishi and Booker as Shelton Benjamin is #17. Benoit dumps A-Train during his entrance and Orton dumps Shelton a few seconds later to get us back to two. Orton pounds on him a bit but they crack heads to put both guys down.

Lamont, the announcer for Ernest Miller (complete with the music that would go to Brodus Clay eight years later), runs out to introduce the Cat at #18. After some dancing (and singing by Tazz), Orton dumps him out. Miller would be released in like two weeks. Kurt Angle is #19 and he might be a bit harder to get out. He’s fighting for AMERICA here so the fans tell him he sucks.

Benoit and Angle destroy each other with chops and punches as only they can while Orton is content to chill in the corner. Rico, now in his Adrian Street phase, is #20. He fires off some kicks but lasts about as long as you would expect him to in a match with Orton, Angle and Benoit. The RKO takes care of Rico as Benoit rolls a ton of Germans on Angle. Test is #21…..and is nowhere in sight.

Orton RKO’s Angle and we cut to the back to see Test unconscious. Austin sees someone off camera and says they’re #21. The off camera man and presumable attacker: MICK FREAKING FOLEY! Orton, the guy who spat in Foley’s face and called him a coward, PANICS. The place goes nuts and Foley explodes on Orton, beating him half to death and hitting a Cactus Clothesline to put both of them out. This would lead to some AWESOME matches at Mania and Backlash which put Orton up to the world title in August.

Foley keeps beating on Orton as Christian is #22. Mick picks up the steps and BLASTS a security guy who tries to stop him. Orton comes back with two chair shots and fires back at Mick. They brawl up the ramp and Foley pulls out Socko, only to put it on Nunzio who comes in at #23. We haven’t seen anything of the match for awhile but I can live with that for a hot brawl like this. Orton kicks Foley low and runs as we go back to the ring.

Angle is getting double teamed as Nunzio is down on the floor. Big Show is #24 and apparently that’s Tazz’s pick. Thankfully he’s in the singlet and shorts again instead of the one piece swimsuit. Angle immediately goes after him but Show throws everyone around. Jericho is #25 as he’s in a weird phase of his career. He wasn’t a main event guy anymore but he had feuded with everyone in the midcard already so he just kind of hung around and filled in spots on the card.

All four guys go after Big Show (who has a head like a typewriter according to Tazz) but they can’t get him out. Charlie Haas is #26 but gets double teamed by Jericho and Christian. Currently we have Benoit, Angle, Jericho, Christian, Haas, Big Show and Nunzio who is on the floor. Jericho backdrops Christian out for the second year in a row as Billy Gunn is #27. Apparently this is a return for him. It’s Fameassers all around and then things slow down again.

John Cena is #28 and that pop is growing at an alarming rate. Show stares him down so Cena throws Nunzio in to kill some time. Nunzio goes after Show for some reason but Cena takes over for him to make it fair. RVD is #29 to a big pop of his own. It’s spin kicks all around until things settle down a bit. There’s an FU to Angle and Goldberg is #30. The final group: Benoit, Angle, Big Show, Jericho, Nunzio, Haas, Gunn, Cena, RVD and Goldberg. At least the ring didn’t fill up until the end so that’s not too bad.

Goldie spears a lot of people down to start before Nunzio jumps on his back like an idiot. Haas is put out and Nunzio takes a HUGE spear. Gunn is out as is Nunzio to get us down to seven. Goldberg loads up a Jackhammer on Show but Lesnar runs in with an F5 to break it up. Goldberg stares down Brock, allowing Angle to dump him out. All five remaining guys not named Big Show go after the one named Big Show but it still doesn’t work.

Everyone hits their finishers on Show instead with Cena (Show’s feud at the time) hitting the Shuffle instead of the FU, which I’m assuming they were saving for Mania. They try to dead lift Show and realize they screwed up by knocking a giant unconscious. Show shoves them all off and dumps Cena followed by Van Dam a few seconds later.

So it’s Big Show, Benoit, Angle and Jericho as the final four. Jericho gets sent to the apron twice and manages to hang on before bulldogging Show down. The Walls go on Show and he taps but Angle breaks the hold up for no apparent reason. Show chokeslams Benoit down but chokeslams Jericho even further, sending him to the floor to get us to three. A side slam puts Angle down and there’s another chokeslam to Benoit.

Show breaks up a German attempt from Angle but can’t block an Angle Slam. There’s a Slam to Benoit (it was a belly to back suplex but whatever) and the ankle lock to Show. Show taps again, but again it doesn’t mean anything. The big guy rolls through the hold and eliminates Angle in the process, getting us down to two.

Benoit dropkicks Show but knocks him back into the ring by mistake. A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface and Show taps again, but you know the drill by now. Show shrugs it off and picks Benoit up in a chokeslam. Benoit graps a front chancery though and pulls Show to the apron….then has him teetering on the ropes…..AND BENOIT WINS! The crowd kept getting louder as Benoit pulled further and further. Awesome sequence there.

Rating: A. There were some slow spots but this was ALL about Benoit and I can’t complain about that at all. The ending sequence here with all three submission guys making Show tap was a cool idea and different than the ending to any other Rumble. They didn’t throw a stupid curve here and made Benoit look like a star here, which is exactly what he was supposed to do. Great Rumble.

Overall Rating: B-. The Rumble is really REALLY good but the rest is horrible. Don’t watch the rest of the show, but if you’re a Benoit fan and can still sit through a long match of his, this is absolutely required viewing. Things would change a bit more the next year as two REALLY big names would be the stars of the Rumble, but that’s not for another year. For now, this was all about Benoit and he nailed it.

Ratings Comparison

Evolution vs. Dudley Boys

Original: C

Redo: D

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Chavo Guerrero vs. Eddie Guerero

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: D-

Redo: D

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Just as last time, the Rumble is the only thing worth seeing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews