Uncensored 1995
Date: March 19, 1995
Location: Tupelo Coliseum, Tupelo, Mississippi
Attendance: 5,782
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

So here we are at what managed to win back to back worst show of the year awards from Meltzer: Uncensored. The idea is WCW has washed their hands of the show which is stupid for reasons I’ve gone into already in other rants. Anyway, this is really just a continuation of the last show and not a lot has really changed. The main event is still Hogan vs. Vader and other than that there’s not a lot to talk about on this one. This show does however feature perhaps the dumbest idea in wrestling history that resulted in Goldust, so let’s get to it.

Again, Nitro doesn’t exist yet so this isn’t your traditional show.

Opening video is just about how everything is different now and there are no rules. It’s your standard thing. Apparently we are packed to the rafters here. There aren’t even 6,000 people there so that’s a stretch if there ever has been one. Heenan dates the show by saying Jordan just came back to the NBA and Tyson is about to get out of prison. Oh this is the debut of the Renegade. Oh dear it’s THAT show.

Blacktop Bully vs. Dustin Rhodes

For some reason WCW thought this was a good idea. See if you can figure this out: they’re in the back of a truck driving around Atlanta. The winner is the first person to get to the end of the truck and pull a horn. Both guys bladed which was illegal at the time and were fired for it. There are bales of hay in the back of it also. Yep, WCW isn’t a hick company AT ALL. Oh hey let’s get a police escort and a helicopter too.

This must have been SO fun for the people in the arena. I mean my goodness: SOMEONE GOT PAID FOR THIS!!! The problem here is that no one can actually stand up at all as they’re IN A MOVING TRUCK! Two idiots have to actually sit in the cab and watch this. Seriously, WHO CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA??? Yep there goes the sunlight. Oh I forgot to mention: this has been edited to heck and back so the light changes about every 5 seconds.

Hey, let’s run a stop sign on film and show a shot of the truck driver for no apparent reason. They aren’t even really fighting. It’s them wandering from one end of the truck to another and hitting the other guy with a bale of hay. And all of a sudden Dustin is 8 feet away from where he was a second ago. Not to mention they had to rent the truck. The camera work here is crap as we can’t let anyone see blood. Nothing dumb about this AT ALL.

They actually call this a match. I’m stunned. Hey something good happens for once: the camera in the helicopter breaks up. Someone up there likes me. Oh hey, let’s sit on the side of a moving truck and hang off the side while a guy punches me. Nothing bad can happen from this. This has been going on over 8 minutes and they might have interacted for 50 seconds total. Other than that it’s stumbling around and trying to grab the stupid horn.

It’s also gotten lighter so apparently this has gone on all night. It certainly feels like it. They’re up on the beam together and Dustin gets knocked off, allowing the Bully to pull the horn and win I guess. In the arena fireworks go off. This is a BAD idea already isn’t it?

Rating: H. As in HOLY GOODNESS WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE THEY FREAKING SMOKING TO COME UP WITH THIS????? Do I even need to make fun of this? Dustin took off and put on his shirt twice, yet you never saw him do it once. See what I’m working with here?

We go to the Stud Stable, which is Colonel Parker, Meng and the TV Champion Arn Anderson who for no apparent reason is wearing what would become the Cruiserweight Title. Apparently he has a boxer vs. wrestler match with Johnny B. Badd. Meng is having a martial arts match with Duggan. This could be a REALLY long night.

We recap Meng vs. Duggan. Short version: Duggan ran into Parker and Meng beat him up. This is set to Rey Mysterio’s music for no apparent reason.

Jim Duggan vs. Meng

Ok so even more non wrestling. Good to know. The fans, having sat around over twenty minutes at this point watching a single small screen, are shockingly dead. Duggan is all taped up as this show is giving me a migraine. Sonny Onoo, not yet a stereotyped Japanese tourist that would sue WCW over it, is the guest referee. Duggan is in street clothes. You can win by pin or knockout apparently.

On a random note that is far more interesting, this was one of Austin’s last match with the company before heading to ECW. It was a dark match that I didn’t mention already. There’s no point to it at all. I’m just bored. Another dark match was Stars N Stripes vs. Bunkhouse Buck and Dick Slater. Can I watch that match instead? They point out that Duggan knows nothing about martial arts. My head hurts.

We’ve been walking around for three minutes now waiting on Duggan to bow. Meng kicks him once and then poses. Duggan’s punching doesn’t work so he takes his boot off to beat Meng with it, which also does nothing at all. The match goes like this: Meng hits him, Duggan walks around, Meng knocks him down, Duggan gets up, Duggan can’t hurt Meng, repeat.

We’re at the third nerve hold of the match. The guy is allegedly a killing machine so let’s have him rub Duggan’s neck instead. Heenan says Duggan has held a lot of titles. Name two. Duggan does the ten punches in the corner, and all of them go into the shoulder. That’s brilliant isn’t it? Meng no sells the Three Point Clothesline. HE GOT UP FROM A CLOTHESLINE! HOW FREAKING TOUGH IS HE??? A kick to the head ends it.

Rating: F-. And that’s being generous. This was a regular match with a guest referee, period. Seriously, whose idea was this show anyway? I freaking don’t get it. This is the closest thing to a match we’ve had and that’s not saying anything at all.

We recap Anderson vs. Johnny B. Badd. Anderson stole the TV Title from him and then cheated (you expected something else) to keep the title. Finally on Saturday Night, Badd interfered in a match Anderson had with Alex Wright. Now you have to remember something around this time: Badd’s character was gay without actually saying he was gay.

This is the character that says he was so pretty he should have been a little girl. So on Saturday Night ha literally sauntered out (think of the run that Sunny used to do) in powder blue tights (WAY too small) and boxing gloves to knock Anderson out. Since you know, THAT HURTS SO MUCH MORE THAN A FIST.

Badd says that tonight is a disadvantage to him. He has a boxing trainer that I refuse to believe is a real human being.

We get a clip of Anderson in the middle of nowhere in a Jeep or something talking. These kinds of promos are the things I based Night Vision on for the three people that got that reference. Anderson looks like a bad teacher from a stereotypical high school.

Arn Anderson vs. Johnny B. Badd

This is billed as boxer vs. wrestler. We have rounds here so this is closer to an MMA fight in a weird screwed up way. In other words, 40 minutes into the show and we still haven’t had an actual wrestling match. The rounds are three minutes with a minute between each. You can win by pinfall, submission or knockout. Oh this is going to be bad isn’t it? This is dumb already as it’s just Badd punching him and making Arn look stupid.

The problem is he would do this all the time in regular matches but doesn’t, and guys get punched all the time and it doesn’t do much at all, yet here Badd is wearing gloves and it’s more effective? This is just stupid. They have random stops like in boxing which is ever stupider. Crowd is DEAD mind you. Anderson has gone down three times this round. It’s been totally one sided. And yep, Anderson jumps him in the rest period and hits his DDT.

Naturally Anderson is in worse shape than Badd is after taking the TV Champion’s finishing move. Since there are no DQs Anderson beats on him some more. Anderson is finally dominating here but using jobber offense for the most part. The stool is used and here’s Badd’s manager to help him which of course fails beyond belief. Third round ends with Anderson beating the heck out of him. And Badd has his glove cut off and the trainer puts a bucket on Arn’s head. A big left hand ends it. I hate this show. I truly do.

Rating: F. Again, why is nonsense like this on a WRESTLING show? We’re 54 minutes into the show and there’s been a thing about blowing the horn of a truck, martial arts and boxing/MMA. What am I watching?

A highlight package of Savage leads to an interview with Savage. He admits he doesn’t know what he’s saying. Holy cocaine Batman!

Randy Savage vs. Avalanche

Earthquake in case you were wondering. Yes, we’re getting a wrestling match, AN HOUR INTO THE SHOW! Something tells me this is going to be very formula based. This is really basic stuff for the most part just like I thought it would be. Avalanche throws a dropkick of all things and to stun me, it’s not half bad. This is about what you would expect: Savage gets beaten up, he makes a quick comeback and it doesn’t work, repeat.

They’ve been fighting ten minutes now and that’s all there is to say about it. Savage jumps from the top to the floor with the double axe to knock him down. And Ric Flair in drag jumps the railing and beats up Avalanche. This ends it BY DISQUALIFICATION, at UNCENSORED, meaning NO RULES. Hogan makes the save.

Rating: D+. Match of the night by about 1000% so far. Know why that is? BECAUSE THIS WAS AN ACTUAL MATCH! There’s nothing at all special here but it’s not terrible I guess. This was a match you didn’t see in WWF so that’s always a perk. Nothing great, but by comparison this was Flair vs. Steamboat.

Harlem Heat have a match with the Nasty Boys and it’s Texas Tornado Rules. Just remember: no RULES tonight. Sherri really was decent on the mic.

We recap Bubba (Boss Man) vs. Sting. Boss Man turned heel because he blamed Sting for him losing a match. Sting, looking very odd for some reason, shouts a lot. I’ll say this: John Cena wishes he had the charisma Sting had. Rip me apart.

Big Bubba Rogers vs. Sting

This is a SUPER CONTEST apparently. Ok then. This should be decent actually. I want Bubba’s hat and Sting drops a leg on it and throws it to the crowd. Apparently being Uncensored allows for Sting to destroy Bubba’s personal property. They badly botch a crotch reversal spot on the post where Sting was supposed to pull his legs in so Bubba went face first into the post but the legs came loose and Bubba had to ram himself.

Sting hurts his leg on a leapfrog so there’s your story of the match. When something works as well as that, why mess with it? We get a rest hold, but at least it makes sense here. Bubba likes to stand around way too much. Sting gets a massive pop for a right hand. He was so over it was scary. We get a Captain Planet reference, making this match awesome. This is more or less Sting has a bad knee, Bubba has generic offense.

Sting hits a splash from the top for two, and I never stop loving those things. That man could JUMP. Sting goes for a slam and Bubba falls on him…for the pin? That came from NOWHERE. Even the guy didn’t expect it as there’s a long gap between the pin and the bell.

Rating: D+. Again boring but again not bad. This wasn’t bad really but it needed a lot more to be worth anything. It’s sad when a boring match is a breath of fresh air. This is already a failure of a show so there we are.

We recap Nasty Boys vs. Harlem Heat. How are the Nastys still on TV today? More or less they just fight each other. There’s not much more than that.

Nasty Boys vs. Harlem Heat

Remember it’s Texas Tornado rules. What does Kerry Von Erich have to do with this? And we have no Harlem Heat. Sherri goes to get them and of course they jump the Nastys from behind. Wait this is non title? Why? Why in the world wouldn’t this be for the belts? Oh I guess it’s the UNCENSORED thing. The no rules thing kind of helps here as it hides a lot of the faults of the Nasty Boys.

One of these faults would be no selling, as Jerry gets kicked in the FACE and just walks away. And here’s Sherri being brought in to make it really intense I guess. We brawl to the concession stand, and any real old school fan gets this instantly. Back in 1975 in this area (mainly Tennessee though), two teams had an EPIC rivalry: the Blonde Bombers (Wayne “Honky Tonk Man” Ferris and Larry “Moondog Spot” Latham) and Jerry Lawler and Bill Dundee (Jerry Lawler and Bill Dundee).

One night in Tupelo there was a controversial decision over the Southern tag titles where the Bombers, the heels, won the belts but the referee might have blown the call. The faces jumped them to end the show, and then later we saw what happened afterwards. These four fought into the concession stands with ketchup and mustard going everywhere. Now I know it sounds stupid and corny, but this was more or less the standard for violence until ECW came along.

I mean they ATTACKED each other and it felt real almost. Go find a copy of it as it’s well worth seeing, if nothing else from a historical perspective. So anyway, this brawl is a reference/homage to that event. Here’s the problem: that was 20 years earlier and I don’t think many people get the point. To them this is just four guys acting like idiots and it’s a comedy match. Sherri actually does look good in the leather.

See, now we’re getting to the other problem: this is boring. And we get a bell without seeing a pin. The Nasty Boys win apparently. Ok then. A replay shows that it was a powerslam from Knobbs with Stevie kicking out at the last second but the three going down anyway, another Tupelo reference.

Rating: F+. This was just bad. I get what they were going for here but it just didn’t work at all. That’s the problem here: this was just boring. It was supposed to
be a reference to a classic angle but the problem is that it came off as a really bad comedy match.

Vader and Flair yell at Hogan. Flair still has eyeliner on.

Hogan says he has an ULTIMATE surprise. Heaven help me.

Vader vs. Hulk Hogan

This is again non-title. Flair and Vader are both in the ring and the RENEGADE comes out. The idea was let’s have a guy dressed up like Warrior that kind of looks like him run around a lot and maybe some people will really think it’s him. The problem is this guy is like 5’8 or so while Warrior was 6’3. He looks like he’s in a Halloween costume or something. I’m pretty sure this is the four corners version but it’s not really made clear.

For about the 1000th time tonight we’re told IT’S UNCENSORED!!! Yep it’s four corners variety. Vader beats up Hogan for the most part until Jimmy Hart runs out. He had been missing all day in a bad storyline, leading to nothing at all. Renegade beats up Flair for the third time tonight. Vader makes another comeback and beats up Hogan, leading to his powerbomb. And of course Hogan is up in seconds.

He hits all four corners after beating up Vader. OR DOES HE??? He gets three and a masked man runs out (second in about 6 months. Have to love this original booking right?) and blasts Renegade before he gets to the fourth. There’s no referee for this whole thing mind you. Vader misses a front flip from the middle rope and lands on the chair. Where are all these wooden chairs coming from?

Vader isn’t hooked to the strap anymore so Hogan beats up Flair to make sure the universe is in order. He hooks up Flair and drags him instead I guess to win the match. If that was the case, why even tie up Flair? The Masked Man is back with a chair.

We cut to the entrance ramp to see Arn Anderson in the Masked Man’s outfit minus the mask tied at his hands and feet more or less hopping towards the ring. The Masked Man in the ring beats up Flair and Vader before revealing himself to be Savage. The trip of steroid freaks celebrate to end this mess.

Rating: G. Hogan, seriously, how big is your ego? I want to know. Let’s see. Flair: greatest world champion of all time arguably. Hogan has him in drag and being crazy, not to mention jobbing to Hogan twice, one of which was when Hogan hadn’t wrestled for a year or so.

Then we have Vader, who was built up for a year or so as the unstoppable heel and he jobs to Hogan twice in three months. Is there a point coming anytime soon? This is why Hogan wound up getting booed so often: he refused to ever lose. Yes he was the biggest star ever, but you have to lose once in awhile man.

Overall Rating: O. As in oh what do you think I’m going to give this show? This is freaking terrible. The thing is though, the idea actually isn’t that bad: a hardcore PPV. The problem is it was about as thrown together as you could ask for. None of the gimmicks made any sense and the regular matches were boring. Also the main event being non title makes it sound weak.

If the title isn’t going to change hands, why should I want to see this show? Nothing is going to change as nothing is up for grabs, so why would I really want to see this? The point of PPVs are to have big time matches that end feuds, and this didn’t do that. Also, I know I complain about Hogan in TNA a lot, but this right here is a prime example of why I do that. Look at this main event and show as a whole.

The Nasty Boys go over Harlem Heat, the world tag champions. Hogan makes Vader and Flair look like fools. Hogan celebrates the win again, and the crowd is dead. This would be the trend for the next year until at Uncensored 96 the Doomsday Cage Match happened and Hogan was so universally hated for it that the company had no other option than to turn him heel, because, you know, he couldn’t just be taken off TV and have Sting and Flair and Savage and Giant put on the TV show right? That’s crazy talk. Ignore this completely as it’s terrible.
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Monday Nitro #71
Date: January 20, 1997
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyzsko, Mike Tenay

Back to WCW after a lengthy absence. This is the go home show for Souled Out which is one of the most different kinds of PPVs you’ll ever see. This is also probably the biggest crowd I can remember for a Nitro up to this point. They’re up north here in Chicago which is a city that was pretty popular for them back in the old NWA days. Nothing on the card seems significant but there are ten matches to get through. Let’s get to it.

This is also the show before the next to last Clash of the Champions, which was held on Tuesday.

We open immediately with Randy Savage storming the ring with a chair. This is his first appearance since Halloween Havoc. He says he’s been blackballed and he’s not going anywhere until he talks to someone with some stroke. Savage sits down and says he’s waiting. Chavo Guerrero is in the first match so here he comes. Tony says they’re going to try to start the match with Savage in the ring.

Chavo slowly gets in and stares at Savage but Savage waves him off. This goes on for a few minutes with Savage not listening to what Chavo says. After almost seven minutes the fans are booing. Savage gets up and lays out Guerrero, sending him over the top and out. Back to the chair. Now a guy named Max, the opponent for Chavo, comes out now. Savage decks him and Max falls to the floor. There goes the referee too. Doug Dillinger comes in and down he goes as well. Alex Wright comes in and he gets punched. Savage is on his feet and holding the chair now.

An army of guys comes out to get him out but Sting repels from the rafters (I think for the first time) in front of the Chicago Bulls banners and walks slowly towards the ring with the bat. He points the bat at Savage and puts it under his chin. Savage jumps up and Sting shoves him away a few times. Savage looks to charge at him but Sting pulls the bat back. Sting hands him the bat and turns his back on him but Savage doesn’t swing. Sting takes it back and they both leave through the crowd. Tony immediately thinks this means they’re both NWO because…..I have no idea.

Here’s a clip from December of Chono joining the NWO and another of him beating up Jericho later that night. They have a rematch on Saturday.

Alex Wright vs. Chris Jericho

No entrance for either guy. Wright armdrags him to start and they chop it out but Jericho runs into a big boot. They trade rollups and Jericho rolls forward out of a German suplex for a fast pin. That’s the same finish he used on the last Raw from 2001 I reviewed. Quick match and Wright’s arm was about six inches off the mat, but other than that it was fine.

Scotty Riggs vs. NWO Sting

Sting does a really bad shout and Riggs jumps him to a big pop. Jumping back elbow and some dropkicks put Sting down. Riggs walks into a hot shot though and Sting takes over. After a quick beating Riggs escapes and hits a missile dropkick but here’s Buff. Riggs hits his forearm but the NWO runs out which is a DQ despite the NWO not touching him. Too short to rate but it was there for the ending and to set up Buff vs. Scotty on Saturday. The NWO makes Penzer say Sting won by countout, which would seem to be correct.

We get a clip of Flair at a hockey team talking to an enforcer for the Chicago Blackhawks. They have a gave on the road tonight so he can’t be here tonight.

Arn Anderson/Steve McMichael vs. Jeff Jarrett/Eddie Guerrero

If that was Benoit instead of McMichael this could be a classic. To be fair though Mongo is a Chicago guy so it makes perfect sense for him to be here. Tony brags about how this is the biggest crowd to see a wrestling event in Chicago this year. Check the date on this show and you’ll see why I rolled my eyes. Also there was this show called Wrestlemania that broke that mark a few months later.

Jeff and Arn start us off with Jarrett being knocked to the floor almost immediately. He comes back with a top rope cross body for two and here’s Eddie, who is the US Champion but doesn’t have the belt. Mongo comes in to a big pop and runs over Eddie before gorilla pressing him. Eddie comes back with some speed stuff but gets backdropped to the floor. Arn comes in but it’s a hot (I guess?) tag to Eddie. He cleans house but runs off to chase Syxx (not that we see that but Tony tells us). Arn hits a spinebuster on Jeff and puts him in a Boston Crab as Mongo stomps on him. Debra throws in her sash and that counts for a submission.

Rating: C+. Stupid ending aside, this was a fun and fast paced match. When you won’t have Jeff as the heel world champion, he’s a pretty fun guy to watch. Eddie was flying all over the place as he is known to do and Anderson was his usual old self. This Horsemen story would only get worse though as Mongo and Jarrett would wind up feuding over the US Title all summer.

Here’s Flair to talk to the Horsemen. Benoit and Woman are here too. He says he’s still healing so he can get back in the ring but as he’s looking at the Horsemen, they’re not the unit they used to be. Arn and the old gang are cool, but it’s all turned around lately. Flair tells Mongo and Benoit to be Horsemen first and then go after the women. Mongo says he’s proud to be a Horseman and gets a huge pop. Debra starts talking and the crowd completely reverses. Benoit starts talking and the cheering continues. Mongo and Benoit get in another argument and Debra gets the last word about Woman, implying she’s fat.

We get a clip from Saturday Night with Eric talking about how much the NWO has taken over. It’s your usual NWO speech. Liz is filming so Eric pulls her to him and says the only things Savage wants are her and Eric’s hair.

Dean Malenko vs. Ultimo Dragon

The fans chant ECW for Dean as they start off fast. Dragon dropkicks him down but walks into a powerslam for two. They do the exact same sequence and Dean drops him with a brainbuster for two. About an hour into the show we hear the first mention of the Clash tomorrow night. Dean hooks the chinlock and things slow down a bit. Out to the floor and Dean gets sent into the barricade. Back inside they exchange rollups and Dean goes up. Dragon stops him though and the super rana only gets two. Dean tries a leg lock when he catches a kick but Dragon gets the rope. Dragon grabs the arm and La Majistral gets the pin.

Rating: C+. This was a fun and fast paced match as usual, but the shortness hurts it. Dragon was pretty solid against other cruiserweights but once they put him into the TV Title hunt he lost any interest the fans had in him. Granted that’s probably more because of the title than him. Dean would win the title from Dragon the next night at the Clash, making this match totally pointless.

Hour #2 begins and Tony is in a Blackhawks jersey.

We recap the opening segment by reshowing a lot of it.

TV Title: Steven Regal vs. Jacques Rougeau

Jacques does the national anthem bit before the match so I’d assume he’s supposed to be the heel here. Regal grabs the wrist to start and Jacques takes him down for some stomping. Regal comes back to stomp on Colonel Parker’s fingers so the Colonel comes in and accidentally hits his own man for the DQ. Another two minute match.

Lee Marshall’s road report wastes some time.

Kevin Sullivan vs. Chris Benoit

This is another match that happened as the Clash as well. Tomorrow’s is falls count anywhere at least so it’s not completely the same. Benoit jumps him in the aisle and they go into the crowd already which makes the match tomorrow completely pointless already. They fight into the men’s room because that’s what they did at Great American Bash 96 so they’re just going to keep doing the same match until everyone quits caring. Benoit has his fingers slammed in the door and Sullivan beats him down.

They head back into the arena with Sullivan knocking him down the stairs, which they would do again tomorrow night. This is almost spot for spot the same as tomorrow, which is a shortened version of the Bash match from 96. Sullivan throws a beer in Benoit’s face and Benoit drags him up the aisle.

They head into the ring and there’s the bell to start the match. Sullivan puts him in a quick Tree of Woe but Benoit falls out. Low blow slows Chris down and they hit heads. Woman pops up and Jimmy slides the bell in to Sullivan. The Swan Dive hits the bell and Sullivan gets the academic pin. No point in rating it but it was just trashy brawling.

Here’s the NWO and they’re coming to the announcers’ desk. Great, this again. It’s Bischoff, DiBiase and Nash this time.

Jim Duggan vs. Carl Oullett

Eric says that he’s put Chono on the card because he can. Also Hall has his first singles match on Nitro. Duggan knocks him around for a bit before Carl takes over….and here are the Steiners for some reason. Duggan uses the tape which is legal now and it gets the pin. Another mess.

We look at Starrcade where the Outsiders helped Eddie win the US Title because Page turned the NWO down. Page said he’d fix things and then we see him Diamond Cutting both Outsiders a week later.

Masahiro Chono vs. Dave Taylor

Nick Patrick is sent down from the announcers’ desk to referee this. Chono jumps Taylor and hits a quick reverse DDT. Taylor gets in some offense including a dropkick to the stomach and a middle rope double ax to send Chono to the floor. Back in the ring the atomic drop sets up the Mafia Kick and the STF ends this. Another quick match.

Booker T vs. Scott Hall

Booker doesn’t mean anything much so this isn’t going to be very competitive. Hall throws the toothpick in his face and hits his driving shoulders. Booker comes back with a hook kick and follows with some elbows but jumps into the fallaway slam. Hall loads up his belly to back superplex but gets knocked off. The top rope cross body gets a very slow count, resulting in an argument so that the Outsider’s Edge can get the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing but a warmup for Hall here before he faces Luger tomorrow night. Booker didn’t mean anything yet so this would be like a big star facing Primo or Epico and not killing them in thirty seconds with one punch. The referee stuff is already played out though, so they’ll keep it up for at least four more months.

Call the NWO Hotline!

Lex Luger vs. Stevie Ray

Nick Patrick is referee here for no apparent reason. Ray jumps him in the corner and stomps him down but Lex comes back quickly. Stevie sends him to the floor and kicks him once before Luger comes back and Racks him easily. Short again.

Here’s Hogan for the last five minutes of the show. The fans in a big city of course love him. Make that three minutes after posing. Hogan talks about using his arms as wings for their jet to get into Chicago. He talks about how he’s going to beat up Giant on Saturday and now he’s talking about Giant’s Mama. Cue Giant but security stops him. Giant screams a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was one of those shows where it depends on your taste in wrestling. If you’re looking for good in ring action, this isn’t your show. If you’re looking for something where they’re moving at such a breakneck pace that you can’t really tell if it was good or bad, this is for you. They plugged almost everything at Souled Out so for a go home show, this was quite good. While the matches weren’t anything of note, they only ran about two minutes each so it’s hard to get annoyed with them. I’m not sure why the Clash needed to exist at this point because it was glossed over for the most part. Decent Nitro.

Here’s the Clash if you’re interested:

Here’s Souled Out if you’re interested:

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USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: January 19, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentator: Dave Brown

Here’s another show from this company and for some reason this one is significantly shorter, almost twenty minutes worth. I checked on the missing final fall from last week and from what I can tell, it didn’t ever happen due to the time limit running out. I’d expect some more in the Lawler/Dundee vs. Fabulous Ones feud. Let’s get to it.

Same opening video of last week, so I’m assuming that’s the standard one.

Here are the Fabs and Cornette to open things up. Cornette yells at the fans and says they don’t know what they want. The fans sound like they want Lawler. We get a clip of the beatdown from last week. Cornette talks about the bounty and has an announcement: they’ve already got the money for Gilbert being gone and there’s another $50,000 on the line for Jeff Jarrett, the new #2 contender to the world title. Cornette would keep talking but they have a match to win.

Tag Titles: Fabulous Ones vs. Cody Michaels/Jerry Lynn

Cornette says why not make it a title match. Michaels and Lane start things off with Lane being sent to the mat. Lane comes back with one of his own and it’s off to Keirn. Michaels grabs the arm and works on it as Keirn can’t shake him. Lynn comes in and does the same, taking him to the mat with an armdrag. The referee misses a challengers’ tag but lets it go anyway.

Michaels gets sent to the floor where Keirn drills him with a chair as the Fabs take over. Suplex puts Michaels down and it’s back to Keirn. Cody hooks a sunset flip but Cornette has the referee so it doesn’t even get a count. Tag to Lynn who slams Keirn and everything breaks down, missing a near fall on Keirn. Cornette gets a shot to the head of Lynn with the racket so Keirn can get the pin.

Rating: C. This was fine as throwing out a title match is a good way to keep things interesting. Even if it was pretty dominant for the Fabs, putting the titles on the line at least made it seem possible that something big could happen. Lynn was still good even when he was young, which is impressive. He looks about the same too.

Lynn gets beaten down post match until Lawler makes the save.

Clip of Jarrett winning the Southern Title on Monday with a rollup.

Here’s Downtown Bruno with the some guys and Robert Fuller. Fuller says he has a surprise for us later and one for us now in the form of U.S. Male Curtis Thompson. He has the American Pitbulls too whose names are so forgettable I couldn’t type them. Fuller talks about a dog or something with the moral being if you abuse something enough it’ll like it. That’s what he and his boys are going to do to everyone else here.

Pitbulls vs. Danny Davis/T.D. Steele

One of the Pitbulls is named Spike and he starts with Davis. Quickly off to Steele who is pretty aggressive. Off to the other Pitbull and I think these are the ECW Pitbulls. Yeah I’m pretty sure they are. Their hair is different but it’s them. This quickly turns into a Pitbulls squash with a double suplex taking Steele down. Belly to belly does the same and the SuperBomb (they slipped off the ropes) gets the pin.

Rating: D. This is the cool thing about watching these old territory shows: you never know what names are going to pop up for a quick appearance. This was a boring squash for the most part with Davis only being in there for about 20 seconds before the beating on Steele began and went on for the next minute and a half.

Mid-South Coliseum show ad.

Here’s Lawler to talk about his match tomorrow night (the show is on Sunday for some reason instead of Monday this time) which has something to do with the Fabulous Ones of course. He goes on a rant against managers, saying that they’re all leeches with no athletic ability. One day the Fabulous Ones will wake up and dump Cornette, but since Lawler is impatient he’ll take out Cornette himself. Jarrett will be in their corner for the title match tomorrow night.

Lawler leaves so Cornette and the Fabs come out to rant a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t as good as last week’s show but there was still enough on it to make me want to keep watching. This company is so hit or miss for me but when they’re hitting, they’re a pretty solid TV show which keeps people interested from week to week. Considering how out there Memphis could get, that’s saying a lot.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: April 12, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s the go home show for Lockdown and again there aren’t any spoilers for the show tonight. The main idea here will probably be the announcing of the teams for Lethal Lockdown, or the Garrett Bischoff Showcase, whichever you prefer to call it. Other than that we’ll likely get a face to face showdown between Roode and Storm. Let’s get to it.

Tonight is the ODB/Eric Young wedding.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to open the show. I’m still not sure how the stipulation of him never being able to use his own name again works, or why most fans would care about that but it’s something else I guess. He starts talking about Lethal Lockdown and the fans chant that they don’t care. He brings out his team: Bully Ray, Gunner, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels and….there’s no fifth man.

Ray wants to know if the fans know who Eric is. The fans again say that they don’t care. Ray is proud to go to war for Eric, but Eric has made one mistake. That mistake is Garrett. Eric says that tonight there’s a best of three series to determine who has the advantage. Gunner is ready for whomever Garrett’s team brings to the table. Speaking of Garrett here he is. The fans cheer for him so there’s validation for him to be on the show I guess.

He has his own team, comprised of Anderson….and I guess we have to wait for the rest of the best of three series to find out the rest.

Mr. Anderson vs. Gunner

We join the match in progress after a break with Anderson ramming Gunner’s head into the buckle. Anderson misses a charge into the corner and Gunner takes over as they head outside. Gunner tries to ram Anderson into the post but gets sent himself. He goes into the barricade face first a few times as well and they head back inside. Anderson drops him with a clothesline and a few elbows but Gunner comes right back. He’s so intense you know. Gunner grabs a rollup with tights for two. They slug it out and Gunner is sent into the post twice. Anderson chokes him into the corner and won’t let up on it, drawing the DQ at 4:47.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad as Anderson was showing some fire for the first time in a very long time. He’s not interesting for the most part though and that really hurts him. Anderson is just kind of there for the most part and the same is true for Gunner. Neither guy does anything of note in the ring and it makes most of their matches boring. This was a bit different but not by much.

Young is in a poweder blue tux and glasses when Joseph Park shows up. Park asks Eric about a pre-nup which Eric thinks is a dog. Joseph asks Eric to think and the last thing he remembers is that Abyss was involved with Immortal. Joseph leaves Young a business card in case he needs anything. I like the Park character and it’s nice to see him FINALLY get somewhere with this.

Here are the Guns with no entrance and a title match on Sunday. They talk about how great they are and how Joe/Magnus haven’t teamed together long at all. Here are the champions for the semi-traditional tag team face to face talk. Magnus says he respects them (also traditional) but it’s not about who the best team ever is. It’s about who the best team today is, and the Guns are looking at it. A challenge is laid down to fight right now and the Guns are ready but here’s Mexican America to stop it. Anarquia says they should be in on this and both teams promptly destroy them.

Christopher Daniels vs. Austin Aries

Match #2 in the series for Lethal Lockdown advantage. Well at least it’s not AJ. Aries controls with a headlock to start but Daniels gets one of his own. They feel each other out a bit and Aries is moving better than Daniels here. The crowd has been hot all night too. Daniels charges into an elbow but Aries gets crotched as he goes up. Daniels tries a dive on the floor but Aries slides in and hits that sweet suicide dive of his.

Back in Aries takes him down and hits a handspring elbow drop for two. Sunset flip out of the corner gets the same. They trade some reversals and Aries tries to use tights but gets caught. Release Rock Bottom looks to set up the BME but Aries moves. He heads up and hits a missile dropkick followed by a running dropkick in the corner. The Brainbuster gets the clean pin at 5:32.

Rating: B. I’m not a fan of Daniels about 80% of the time, but this was a really fun match. Having Daniels getting away from AJ almost always proves to make him much more enjoyable, probably because it’s ANYTHING but him vs. AJ, but this was good stuff. Aries was flying out there and having him get the clean pin was a nice plus as he needs to get some wins over the bigger names on the show.

Here’s Hardy to cut a promo as they’re assembling the cage for the wedding. He talks about how Angle cost him the world title and on Sunday it all ends in a steel cage. They’re going to hurt each other….and that’s it. He only talked for about 40 seconds.

We get a promo from last Thursday where Storm rants about Roode disrespecting Montgomery Gentry.

Young is still giving himself a pep talk when Rosita and Sarita come in and hit on him. They want the titles back and imply that once the ring goes on his finger his life ends. They both flash him and Young turns them down.

It’s time for the wedding. Let’s get this over with. Eric comes out and is nervous. Here Comes The Bride plays and there’s no ODB. Oh ok she comes out to her theme music. So Cal Val locks them in the cage and Eric looks nervous. Young’s middle name is Cornelius. The minister isn’t thrilled with how strange this is. He says that the cage is symbolic of the strength and commitment needed for a marriage.

There’s a video of their history together which is set to a bad love song which sounds like something off an SNL parody. A lot of Bronco Busters are included. Eric seems quite proud after the video. The fans chant for ODB who looks nervous. They both have their own vows. Eric’s say he be with her no matter what she does and he’ll allow her to rub his feet whenever she wants because he knows she’s into that. She promises to not take his last name but she will take his ring music. She’ll also slap him when necessary because he’s into that. Apparently Eric gets sex whenever he wants.

The minister asks if there’s an objection and cue….Mexican America. Oh wait just the chicks. Didn’t they get repossessed or something? Sarita talks about flashing Eric in the back and says he can have the best Knockout tag champions ever. Rosita takes off her robe and dances in lingerie. He seems interested and ODB is crying. Sarita does the same sort of dance and ODB says she doesn’t have what they have. She does however have this, and she strips her dress off to reveal lingerie and a small flask of her own.

Eric turns to ODB and says he knows the missing ingredient now. He strips down to his underwear as usual but leaves the cummerbund on. They make the minister strip too. Eric says yes, ODB says yes, and ODB kisses him to the mat. This got nearly 14 minutes, or longer than almost two of the first match and the second match combined.

Flair gives Ray a pep talk.

Roode says he has no problem with the match vs. Storm being personal.

Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles

The respective winning team gets the advantage in Lethal Lockdown on Sunday. Feeling out process to start before AJ speeds things up. Everyone is on the floor to watch this one including Flair. Ray sends him to the apron and a big boot puts AJ on the floor. Ray misses a splash and AJ speeds things up, hitting a clothesline and another in the corner.

Tornado DDT is countered and Ray hits a great Samoan Drop for two. Ray goes up but AJ nips up and hits a rana for two. Styles goes to the ropes but Kaz trips him, starting the big brawl. In the ring AJ hits the Pele for a delayed two. AJ gets distracted and Ray gets his chain. AJ tries the springboard forearm but jumps into the chain for the pin at 6:44.

Rating: C. Pretty fun match here as you would expect from both of these guys. I’ve heard rumors that Ray might be getting a world title reign this year and while I would initially think it’s company suicide, it’s no stupider than Garrett’s push. This was a pretty decent match for the most part with AJ doing his usual high flying and Ray being a decent power brawler. Good stuff.

And here’s Hulk to say that now it’s 5 on 5 and Bischoff has three minutes (commercial) to get his last guy.

Back and Flair wants to be the 5th guy but Eric says no. Eric thinks that Hulk is going to be the other team’s fifth guy so Eric wants to be in there so he can stand over Hulk. Hogan says he won’t he (as in Hogan) won’t be in the match but the fifth man will be…..Rob Van Dam. So to recap, we have a two time world champion, a former world champion, the hottest commodity in the company, and the most decorated man in the history of the company all as foot soldiers for GARRETT BISCHOFF. Also, could this match be any more one sided? Eric’s biggest name is who, Ray? But hey, it makes Garrett look good right?

Video on Roode vs. Storm, narrated by Roode. As usual, this was awesome.

We run down the card for Lockdown. I completely forgot about Morgan vs. Crimson.

Madison Rayne/Gail Kim vs. Mickie James/Velvet Sky

Velvet doesn’t do the pigeons thing and Taz is furious. Madison and Mickie start things off. Mickie tries to escape a wristlock so Maidson kicks her in the face. Off to Gail who walks into a flapjack. Velvet comes in and Gail runs over to tag. Sky isn’t in long and it’s back to Mickie who plays pretty face in peril. Mickie avoids a charge in the corner and it’s hot tag to Velvet. Madison makes the save off a bulldog so Velvet DDTs her. Gail tries to leave but Mickie throws her back in. In Yo Face is broken up but so it Eat Defeat. In Yo Face gets the pin at 3:56.

Rating: C-. Not a good match or anything but this was exactly what it needed to be. Velvet gets the pin on Gail to set up their match on Sunday and Mickie and Madison are there to keep the match from happening early. Now why is that such a complex idea for most other matches to get?

Time for the showdown with Storm and Roode. Storm talks first, talking about how they’ve been down the road together and gone to Japan as Beer Money, all while talking about how cool it would be to be world champion one day, then laughing because it wouldn’t happen. Roode says he isn’t going to pretend Beer Money didn’t exist, because it was a proud moment in his life.

However there’s another moment that Roode wants to talk about, and that’s when they both entered the BFG Series. They wrestled in the semi-finals and Roode wound up winning the tournament where he lost in the main event of Bound For Glory while Storm didn’t have a match. This is all accompanied by clips of what they’re talking about which helps a lot. Storm says he remembers that, and then the next week he beat the guy that beat Roode in record time.

Roode remembers two weeks later where he beat Storm for the world title. That was also the night he turned heel. Storm says that was the night that Beer Money’s legacy was destroyed. Roode says there was no legacy because they never were friends. They hated each other and only had success because of that hatred. Storm goes off on Roode for selling out and says his superkick foot is getting antsy.

Storm says this is leading to Nashville but Roode says that this isn’t about Nashville or Storm’s redneck wife and kids. Storm takes off the jacket and Roode says this is getting personal. He talks about Storm’s dead brothers and dead father and they go nose to nose…and we’re out of time as they’re still yelling. Solid segment but they threw a lot at us at once.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was pretty good, but as usual with TNA, if you don’t like the main angle they’ve got going on, you don’t have much of a reason to watch the show. When you look at this show, you get about five segments on Lethal Lockdown, one long one on the title match, a decent one on the tag titles, a match about the Knockouts, and that’s about it.

Angle vs. Hardy got 40 seconds and Crimson vs. Morgan was mentioned in the PPV preview and that’s it. There’s a TV Title match which wasn’t mentioned, but I didn’t expect it to be. In short, as always the problem is too much Bischoff. Lockdown should be good though, so that’s a good sign. Hopefully they don’t screw this up like they do everything else.

Results
Gunner b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Anderson wouldn’t stop choking Gunner
Austin Aries b. Mr. Anderson – Brainbuster
Bully Ray b. AJ Styles – Ray pinned Styles after hitting him with a chain
Velvet Sky/Mickie James b. Madison Rayne/Gail Kim – In Yo Face to Kim

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USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: January 12, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentator: Dave Brown

Back to Memphis for a few more shows. At the moment I have five straight shows from this period so things hopefully won’t be all that boring. I’ll be doing the first two here before we move back to WCW for some Nitro. I don’t know what to expect from these guys but they’re very hit or miss, so this is a roll of the dice. Let’s get to it.

The opening video with the statues and clips of Lawler gets us going.

Brown runs down the card.

A guy named Eddie Marlon, a suit, says that he got a call from Eddie Gilbert who has left the company. He was the Southern Heavyweight Champion so we’ll need a one night tournament.

We get a clip of the reunited Fabulous Ones winning the tag titles from Doug Gilbert and Tony Anthony. Cornette was managing them which fits very well with Stan Lane.

Fabulous Ones vs. Bill Rush/Sgt. O’Reilley

The Fabulous Ones come out to The Boys Are Back In Town which is a nice touch. Cornette runs his mouth on the floor and he’s fired up tonight. The perk of such a small place like the TV studio is you can hear individual fans so Cornette is having a ball trading insults with them. Lane starts with the Sarge and it’s clear we’re in squash territory here. Rush comes in and gets the same treatment. Keirn pins the Sarge with a plain forearm smash. Total squash.

Lawler comes out and says he’ll have the Fabs’ back like they’ll have his. Cornette gets behind Lawler and pops him with the racket, leading to a double team beatdown. They give him a spike piledriver on the concrete as women are SCREAMING. Lane puts on the crown as some wrestlers come out to protect Lawler. Cornette explains the story which has something to do with a $50,000 bounty and some group called the Memphis Mafia. They’re the ones that scared Gilbert off too.

They call Terry (presumably Funk) on the phone and say they’re 2 for 2 for $100,000. Marlon comes out and yells at Cornette, saying that Lawler will be back with a partner next week. Keirn talks about two years ago when Lawler set Keirn on fire while they were partners. Man you have to keep up with Memphis to know what’s going on at times. Cornette rants some more because that’s what Jim Cornette does. Long angle here but it worked.

Here’s Downtown Bruno, more famous as Harvey Whippleman.

Terry Garvin vs. Freezer Thompson

Well there was a guy named Refrigerator so why not Freezer? Bruno talks about reforming the Downtown Connection which I guess is his stable. Freezer is a very fat man and Terry throws him around with relative ease. This is a very slow squash as Garvin poses a lot in between each move. Garvin stops the comeback with a bulldog and wins with a spinning facejam called Sleeping Beauty.

Rating: D. This was a squash and a long one at that. Garvin looked fine but he was pretty average for the most part. He’s not the same Terry Garvin that was arrested for sexual harassment either. Freezer was a freaking load and Garvin said that he weighed 600lbs. I don’t think that’s really an exaggeration either.

House show ad. The way Memphis worked, there was a big show at the Mid-South Coliseum every Monday so TV was there just to set up those matches. There’s going to be a one night tournament for the Southern Title.

Marlon, who must be a boss of some kind, comes out and says Lawler has picked Bill Dundee to team with him against the Fabs. That’s a pretty stacked card.

Gilbert/Anthony, managed by Bruno come out and say they want the Fabulous Ones also. Apparently they’re the Memphis Mafia.

Call Jerry Lawler’s Hotline. Did anyone not have one of those in the 90s? You can call and leave him a message. And I’m sure he personally hears all of them right?

Danny Davis vs. Michael Green

This is OVW Danny Davis. Davis takes him to the mat with ease and rides on him a bit. Davis wins it quickly with a neckbreaker.

Davis talks about a fan’s revenge strap match he has on Monday with Joseph Magliano. Magliano comes out and says nothing of note.

House show ads.

Memphis Mafia vs. New Kids/Cody Michaels/Jerry Lynn

I have no idea who the New Kids are. This is an eight man tag. Michaels and Dirty White Boy (Tony Anthony) start things off. Michaels hip tosses all four Mafia members and they have a conference on the floor. Off to Doug Gilbert who is Mafia and Lynn who is blonde. Lynn looks very different than he usually does, but it’s mainly due to the bright blue trunks instead of his usual black tights.

Anthony slams him and it’s off to Gilbert again. Side slam puts Lynn down and the Mafia tags a lot. Magliano was in there for literally less than five seconds. Backdrop puts Lynn down and it’s off to Sam Lowe, who is part of the Mafia who wears jeans and a collared shirt. He seems to be a manager or something and walks into a sunset flip by Lynn for the surprise pin.

Rating: D+. Considering most of the people on the face side didn’t make the match, this wasn’t that good. Lynn hit a total of one move in the whole match but got the pin anyway. Nothing to see here but it came off like an upset. I still have no idea what the New Kids’ names are either, but they seem to be a pretty boy tag team.

Video on Jeff Jarrett, who would win the tournament on Monday. This is set to America the Beautiful of all things.

Apparently the eight man tag match is 2/3 falls. Then why did the winners go to the back? They left and no mention was made of a second fall. Ok then.

Lynn and Lowe start again and Lowe gets thrown around with ease. Off to Anthony and Brian of the New Kids. Is that Brian Christopher? Ok apparently it is and his partner in the New Kids is named Tony Williams. Got it. They double team Gilbert with an assisted splash for two. Off to Tony Anthony vs. Tony Williams. Magliano comes in to pound away a bit. Everything breaks down and Magliano rolls up Lynn with tights for the pin.

The Mafia leaves even though there’s a fall to go. The other team leaves too and yeah there’s going to be a third fall.

Brown recaps the show so far. He also talks about Monday’s show. Brown also recaps the story with Funk, (he mispronounces his name. Guess what he said on TV) which basically is that someone put a bounty on Lawler and Gilbert, the #2 and #1 contenders for the world title, held by Funk. Cornette cashed in on the bounty and the phone call was revealing who had put it out.

Video on Bill Dundee set to a song called Gypsies on Parade. We have less than four minutes left of TV time and there’s a fall to go in that match. But hey, let’s get this in. Make that three minutes as another verse begins.

Here’s Lawler who calls out Cornette and the Fabulous Ones, talking about how the bounty can’t be collected yet. He and Dundee are ready for Monday night.

Brown wraps up the show and talks about the Monday show again and that’s it. No mention of the tag match at all. Ok then. For a rating for the match, go with what I gave for the first fall as the second was too short to mean anything.

Overall Rating: C. This was entertaining enough but the missing third fall is going to bother me for some reason. Why they didn’t include it at all is beyond me and I want to know who won the match now. Other than that, the rest of the show was pretty good and we got a big angle with the Fabulous Ones turning. I liked this and I’ll be sticking around for more of it.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 3, 2001
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 14,890
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

Another week closer to Unforgiven and to the best of my knowledge, nothing has been announced for the show yet. After the last two weeks being horribly uninteresting shows, hopefully things can bounce back a little bit tonight. The problem with the Alliance stuff at this point is they don’t know what to do next with it. The Alliance is here, they’ve won a few matches, WWF has won a few matches…..and then what? That question never seemed to get answered. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week where Austin stole the medals. On Smackdown he tried to run Angle over and then threw the medals in a river.

Undertaker vs. Test

They fight over who is stronger to start and Taker uses….my goodness he uses a hip toss and an armdrag. Now it’s an STF, which might be better than Cena’s. Test comes back with a clothesline and some elbows to the face. Side slam gets two as does a middle rope jumping back elbow. Test hooks a Russian legsweep but Taker comes back with a rolling leg lock which is quickly broken up. The fans chant for the Leafs as Taker hits a clothesline. He loads up the Last Ride but Steven Richards of all people runs in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not horrible here as it was nice to see Undertaker actually let someone else get in some offense for a change. The ending kind of sucked but I think it was to allow Richards to bring in Kronik to fight Kane/Undertaker. The stuff from Undertaker was pretty nice for a change, especially the armdrags and STF about five years before he became the MMA Cowboy of Death.

Test kicks Undertaker’s head off post match.

Christian says he’s looking forward to winning the title tonight. He’s talking to an usher or something like that when fans come up and say they’ve got front row seats. They’re happy to see Edge’s brother. Christian tells the usher to make sure they’re put in the nosebleed seats so they don’t mess up the pictures when he wins the WCW Title.

Richards says that he jumped Undertaker because Undertaker played a big role in disbanding the RTC. He wants a match with Undertaker on Smackdown.

Clips from the Wrestlemania press conference where the announcement was made that it’s coming to Toronto.

Regal is talking to Tajiri and tells him if he finds a partner tonight, he can have a #1 contenders match vs. the Dudleys. Big Show comes in and speaks Japanese, apparently because he’s Tajiri’s partner.

Austin and Debra get here and the Alliance is waiting for Austin with an ovation. They have a surprise for Austin later because they’re inspired by him throwing Angle’s medals in the river last week.

Dudley Boys vs. Tajiri/Big Show

This is for the #1 contendership for one of the sets of tag titles. Show runs them both over to start and it’s off to Tajiri to face D-Von. Tarantula gets a big pop. Bubba cheats and uses a hot shot on Tajiri to give the EVIL ones the advantage. Torrie comes down and gets in Tajiri/Show’s corner as Bubba drops elbows. Apparently this is for the shot at both sets of titles. Ok then. Tajiri kicks Bubba’s head off and it’s hot tag to Big Show. He cleans house but Tajiri accidentally shoots mist at him, allowing the 3D to pin Tajiri.

Rating: D. What was the point of this again? Was there no team that they could have thrown at the Dudleys to set this up? Sadly enough there isn’t because the division was on the verge of death at this point. Not much to see here but I’m sure the Torrie and Tajiri stuff is starting up soon.

Show runs over Torrie because he’s blind so he carries her off. The Dudleys put Tajiri through the table to a big pop. Show comes back out to make the save, despite Tajiri being dead for the most part.

Shane and Booker offer to help Christian win the title in exchange for the first shot. Christian seems cool with this.

The US Champion Kanyon (I had to remind myself since he never defends the thing) at WWF New York loves Austin and sounds like the Cowardly Lion.

Stephanie comes in to see Austin and Debra to tell them that the surprise is getting closer. Austin thinks Debra is scared that Kurt Angle might be coming. Stephanie assures her there’s no chance Angle will be here tonight. Debra gets him a beer and it fizzes a bit. Uh…ok?

Shawn Stasiak vs. Spike Dudley

Stasiak pounds him in the corner and powerslams him in front of a quiet crowd. Gorilla press gets almost no reaction and the beating continues. Spike gets tripped by Stacy which means nothing as Stasiak charges into a boot in the corner and the Dudley Dog gets the pin.

Molly beats up Stacy post match.

Christian gives Edge the KOTR trophy back and apologizes for being a jerk lately. He wants to win the title on his own tonight too.

Moppy has been kidnapped and Saturn has been given a ransom note asking for $100,000. He asks Hurricane for help and using some very questionable logic, Hurricane concludes that it’s Matt Hardy’s doing.

WCW World Title: Christian vs. The Rock

Shane is guest timekeeper and Booker is guest ring announcer. After Booker introduces himself and Shane, we’re ready to go. Booker distracts Rock and Christian jumps him to start. Shane gets in some shots on the floor and Rock is in trouble due to the numbers game. Rock gets it to one on one and hammers away but Christian kicks him right back down. Out to the floor again and Booker drops Rock on the belt on the table chest first.

Now Christian sends Rock into the table as Canada Power is in control. The reverse DDT onto the knee gets two. After a quick run on the floor Rock hits the Samoan Drop to put both guys down. Shane distracts the referee and Booker slides in the belt to Christian. Rock fights back and hits the belly to belly and a DDT for two. Spinebuster sets up the Sharpshooter but Shane interferes again. Rock drills him but Booker clotheslines him on the top and a reverse DDT gets a VERY close two. Rock throws Christian into Booker and the Rock Bottom retains the title.

Rating: C+. I liked this more than the Rhyno match last week but it was basically the same idea. Rock running through the WCW midcard is fine as they offer quick challenges to him without wasting something big like Booker vs. Rock. It’s clear that match or something similar is happening at Unforgiven, but naturally that’s not important enough to announce yet.

Rock tells Booker to just bring it and it’s on, but Shane jumps Rock and the beatdown commences. The APA makes the save.

Stephanie and Debra go into schoolgirl mode because the surprise is here.

Stephanie comes to the ring to make fun of Canada and their grammar issues. Also why would Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving? Is it because they want to be more like Americans? This comes off like a bad standup comedy bit. They shouldn’t celebrate Labor Day (today) either because they don’t do anything. Speaking of hard work, Stephanie brings out the hardest working man she knows: Austin.

The surprise is a new truck. Debra runs down all the features which takes WAY too long. One of them is the paint job. It’s black. That’s not exactly a feature. It also has a radio and mirrors. She’s really not that good at this. It has power steering and power brakes. Debra is talking about the words written on the tires. Just get to Angle destroying the thing already because you know that’s what this is building to. Debra invites Austin to come see the truck because she wants a ride.

Austin goes to the back and looks at the truck, including the leather which he really likes for some reason. He gets in the back of the truck and says he’s King of the World. FINALLY Kurt comes out of the back and hits Austin with a pipe, chains him up to something in the truck bed and speeds away in the truck.

Matt Hardy/Lita vs. Ivory/Hurricane

The guys start things off and Matt is so fired up that he gets put in position for a superplex. The fans chant for Hurricane as Ivory raises the roof. Men vs. women is cool here. Off to Lita who hits her headscissors but walks into a facejam for two. Off to the men and Matt can’t fire the crowd up at all. Ivory gets speared down but Saturn comes down to break up the middle rope legdrop. Eye of the Hurricane gets the quick pin. This was worthless.

Saturn beats up Hurricane post match.

Storm comes up to Christian and makes fun of him for losing. He makes fun of Toronto and Edge makes fun of Storm for various issues.

Debra does the first logical thing in the history of wrestling kidnappings and CALLS THE POLICE. The Alliance has a TV in their locker room and the truck pops up on it. Where is this feed supposed to be coming from? Austin is also blindfolded despite not being so when they left. Angle rants about the stolen medals and says this inspired him. Angle takes him to the edge of the bridge they’re on and Austin apologizes for throwing the medals away. Kurt lifts him onto the edge but doesn’t throw him. He says we need a higher bridge and it’s back to the driving.

Intercontinental Title: Lance Storm vs. Edge

Huge pop for Edge of course. Storm jumps him during his posing but Edge is ready for him. Storm comes back with an enziguri to send Edge to the floor. Springboard clothesline back inside gets two. Edge gets beaten on for a bit but comes back with clotheslines and a spinwheel kick. Edge-O-Matic gets two. Superkick and Edgecution are blocked and there’s the Maple Leaf. Edge finally makes the rope and Storm stays on the knee, but gets rolled up for Edge to retain.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad at all. Canadians are good at having wrestling matches and this was no exception. To be fair Storm was trained by Stu so did you expect anything but quality? I like both of these guys though so that probably has something to do with it. Granted this was just a way to set up what comes next.

Christian comes out with a chair for the save and cracks Edge with it to turn heel. He adds a one man Conchairto, which I think is the debut of that move. Those were some great chair shots.

Rob Van Dam/Rhyno vs. Jeff Hardy/Chris Jericho

This is Jeff’s return after destroying himself and a table in a ladder match with RVD from two weeks ago on Smackdown. Rob and Chris start things off and a jumping enziguri puts Van Dam down and it’s off to Jeff. The fans chant at Hebner so the match doesn’t get much attention. Jeff pulls Rob off the top and does the legdrop between Rob’s legs. Rhyno and Chris fight so the Swanton gets no count. It also hurts Jeff’s ribs which is the call of the Rhyno who works the injury over.

The fans chant ECW as a belly to belly suplex looks to set up the Gore. Jeff moves and it’s hot tag to Jericho. Rhyno is sent to the floor and Rob counters the Walls. Chris dropkicks Rhyno off the apron and Rob knocks Jericho down and hits a standing moonsault. He tries a German suplex but Jericho rolls through for the pin, just like Edge did in the last match.

Rating: C-. This was more or less a shortened version of last week’s main event which wasn’t all that good. That being said, the only way to fit this massive roster on TV every week is with a tag team main event so there isn’t much of a shock there. Jericho and Van Dam faced each other at the PPV I believe in what was probably one of the best matches of the night.

Back to the American Kidnapping Hero who has found a higher bridge. Austin begs for a bit and Angle continues to be psycho. Angle says he’s going to make Austin think about it, which means we’ve got bills to pay so let’s take a break.

Back with Debra crying in the ring for Austin’s life. This is really bad stuff. Back to Angle and Austin with Austin showing those acting skills as he begs. The payoff for this is Angle demands a rematch at Unforgiven which he gets, and then shoves Austin into a kids’ swimming pool and steals the truck. Yeah seriously, that’s it. Quick question: WHERE DID HE HAVE THE POOL? Did he leave it on a bridge in Toronto for the last hour and no one moved it? That’s a stretch even for a wrestling storyline.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it was a little better but that’s still not saying much. The Christian turn was good and we FINALLY set up a match for Unforgiven, but at the same time it’s still not an interesting show given what they have to work with. That sums up the Alliance in a nutshell: they had everything and gave us nothing of note.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 27, 2001
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Attendance: 9,972
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

Back to 2001 now with us getting closer to Unforgiven. The main feud is still Angle vs. Austin with some Booker vs. Rock thrown in on the side. I barely remember the last one of these that I did which is probably because I haven’t done one in about a month. I remember them being just ok for the most part though which isn’t a good sign. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Austin cheating to beat Jericho to keep the title on Thursday.

Rock defends against Rhyno tonight.

Here’s Shane to open things up. He talks about buying WCW about five months ago and doing it to own the most dominant brand in sports entertainment. The fans don’t really buy that but whatever. One of the things that came with WCW was its champion, Booker T. He was a champion you could be proud of, unlike the current WCW Champion The Rock. It’s all about the money and Rock as champion doesn’t make the money for WCW, because Rock has nothing to do with its history. Therefore, the next champion will be….Rhyno. Come on Shane you’re smarter than that.

Cue Rock who says he knows the history of the WCW Title and how it traces back to Frank Gotch (it doesn’t), Lou Thesz (kind of), Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair. Rock also knows what the title has come to: Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, the guy from Scream 2, the maid from the Jeffersons and so on. It’s like Stephanie: everyone gets a turn. Now though the title means something and the Rock will be the most electrifying WCW Champion of all time.

Rock knows he’ll be defending against Rhyno later tonight, but how about right now he comes down there and gives Shane a shot right now? Shane does the Just Bring It hand sign so here comes Rocky. Naturally it’s a trap as Rhyno comes in and Gores Rock to get an advantage later tonight.

Austin has a bad arm which Debra is trying to tend to. As he yells at her, RVD and Raven come in. They have a Hardcore Title match later and since it’s Alliance vs. Alliance they want Austin’s blessing. Instead Austin puts them in the main event instead of him and a mystery partner against Jericho/Angle.

Undertaker vs. Albert

They slug it out and Taker reverses an Irish whip to take over. Old School hits and he does his still bad cross armbreaker. Taker has to stop to chase X-Pac around like it’s 1999 and walks into a shot with the Cruiserweight Title. That gets X-Pac an evil glare so Albert jumps Taker but can’t hit whatever the chokebomb was called at this point. Oh it’s the BaldoBomb. Thanks Paul. Anyway it’s countered into the chokeslam for the pin by Taker.

Rating: D. Taker was in a bad BAD funk at this point and by funk I mean he sucked for about three years. He wouldn’t sell ANYTHING for anyone other than a giant, which is why Kronik was brought in for one of the worst matches in recorded history. This match did nothing for Albert, but that might be for the best.

Shane Helms talks about superheroes before his match with Matt. Ok then.

European Title: Hurricane vs. Matt Hardy

This is the debut of the Hurricane superhero character but he has hip hop music still. Matt looks shocked but he clotheslines Hurricane down quickly. Superkick by Helms sets up a top rope cross body for two. There’s a Russian legsweep by Matt and Hurricane is in trouble. The middle rope leg gets two. A cross body misses for Matt and here’s Ivory to hit Lita in the knee with a pipe. She hits Matt as well, allowing Hurricane to hit the Eye of the Hurricane to steal the pin and the title. This was really quick.

Angle ignores Michael Cole so Cole follows him anyway. Angle finds Raven and gives him a big old beating, putting him in an ankle lock before screaming that RVD needs a new partner.

After a break, here’s the EXACT SAME SEGMENT IN FULL. Good grief.

Lita gets her knee looked at when Raven comes in to get attention as well. The trainer says Raven can’t wrestle so Shawn Stasiak pops in to offer his services to take his place. Austin calls him selfish but gives him the shot anyway. Stasiak leaves so Austin yells at Raven for making him go out there tonight. Austin hits him in the ankle because he’s that kind of guy. I guess Matt and Lita were just watching in the back.

Edge is having a soda when Hugh Morrus comes in to make fun of his fake name. Edge points out how stupid that is and thinks his name should he Hugh Suck. Christian comes in and somehow gets Hugh an IC Title match tonight.

We get a clip of whatever Smackdown Test joined the Alliance on and cost the APA the tag titles.

Test vs. Bradshaw

Brawl to start of course and Bradshaw takes over, hitting a DDT. Shane is at ringside and offers a distraction to let Test take over. Full nelson slam puts Bradshaw down and Test pounds away. Bradshaw tries the Clothesline but Test hits a sidewalk slam to put him right back down. The flying elbow misses and Bradshaw powerslams him for two.

Test tries a cross body into the corner so that Bradshaw can hit the fallaway slam to put him back down. Shane gets up on the apron but Bradshaw sends Test into him for two. Farrooq chases Shane but gets taken down by Test. Bradshaw chases him back in and walks into the big boot for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a MUCH better match than you would have expected. It’s a good example of a match where two power guys didn’t try to be anything more than two power guys, which usually results in an ok match. The interference was a bit overdone but it’s 2001 WWF after all so what else was to be expected? Good match and I was rather surprised by it.

Austin is yelling about Angle attacking Raven when RVD comes in. He thinks Austin did it so that he could team with RVD which would be perfect. RVD says he’ll carry the whole match. Debra likes the idea but Austin doesn’t think so. He’ll get back to RVD on that.

Stasiak is stalking Angle and gets Stacy to help him.

WCW World Title: The Rock vs. Rhyno

They start in the aisle and Rhyno Gores him almost immediately to hurt the ribs again. That gets a quick two in the ring as does a standing powerslam. Rock launches him over the top to give himself a breather. He can’t follow up though because of the ribs so Rhyno throws on a bearhug. This goes on for over a minute which is quite a bearhug. Rock finally punches out of it and hits a Samoan Drop to put both guys down.

A shoulder to the ribs puts Rock right back down as this has been one sided. Suplex gets two. Rock comes back with that belly to belly throw of his and both guys are down again. Back up and the jumping clothesline and DDT get two on Rhyno. A clothesline puts Rock down but he nips up and hits a spinebuster as Shane comes out. A low blow puts Rock down and here’s the APA to chase Shane off. Gore misses and the Rock Bottom retains the title.

Rating: C+. This was a very basic power man vs. injured ribs match and it worked quite well. This is something that is completely missing from Raw and Smackdown today: a main event guy against a midcarder with the champion having some trouble but nothing horrible. They had a pretty good match and you don’t waste anything big on it. Why is that so hard to grasp today?

Stasiak has put a bucket of rancid milk over the door to fall on Angle when he comes through the door. It’ll blind him and Stasiak will beat him up. And Debra comes in instead. COMEDY!

Austin blames Angle for what happened.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Hugh Morrus

Christian sits in on commentary. Morrus takes him into the corner to start and splashes him to take over. Edge comes back with a drop toehold and a cradle for two. Jackknife cover gets two but Hugh grabs a powerslam for two. Elbow drop gets the same. Suplex puts Edge down and Morrus keeps telling Edge to say it. No idea what that means but Morrus never made a lot of sense. Top rope elbow misses and Edge comes back with clotheslines and a spinwheel kick. Edge-O-Matic gets two but Morrus flapjacks him down. He loads up the moonsault but Christian pops up and hits him for the DQ. Uh….ok?

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here at all. This wouldn’t lead anywhere for Morrus but I guess it furthers the Christian and Edge split, which wouldn’t happen for over another month. The match was nothing of note at all as Morrus was about as low on the Alliance pole as you could possibly be, which made the ending here pretty clear.

Booker is mad at Rock for stealing the title so here’s a clip of the midget from last week. We get a clip from earlier today with Show doing a Booker impression. To put it mildly, it’s REALLY bad.

Stephanie and Jericho run into each other in the back. She says Y2J is five minutes ago and it’s all about RVD now. Jericho says she should be saying H-O-E. This was stupid too.

Big Show vs. Booker T

Booker tries a quick spin kick which is caught and powerbombed with ease. Show throws him around and chops Booker in the corner but the Alley-Oop is countered. Booker superkicks him and hits the ax kick and here’s the Spinarooni. Show sets up the chokeslam but Booker distracts the referee and kicks Show low. That doesn’t do much and they go to the floor but Show’s knee goes into the steps and Booker hits him with a chair for the quick DQ. What was this supposed to accomplish? Getting Booker revenge? That’s fine but have him get a win and put him over Big Show, not this.

Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam/???

Austin comes out but not in wrestling gear. There’s a mystery partner and that partner is….Taz. Well that’s kind of a letdown. Angle stomps on RVD in the corner and they’re starting I think. RVD takes him down with a kick and it’s off to Taz. Angle cross bodies him down and here’s Jericho. The Alliance takes over but Jericho manages a Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) on RVD for two.

Rob gets in another kick (no, really) and goes up, but Jericho makes the stop and superplexes him for two. Taz comes in to hit his crossface shots to the face which he dedicates to Austin. Heyman compares Austin to John Wayne and says Austin is the better American, almost starting a war between New York and Oklahoma. Rob hooks a chinlock but Jericho escapes and rolls him up for two.

Rolling Thunder gets two and it’s back to Taz who almost allows the tag to Angle. Van Dam hits his spinning legdrop and it’s back to the chinlock for a few seconds. Sunset flip gets two for the Canadian but Rob kicks him down again. Split legged moonsault hits knees though and there’s the tag to Angle. The Alliance takes him down with relative ease and Van Dam hits the Frog Splash but Taz only gets two off of it. Jericho puts Van Dam in the Walls on the floor but Austin breaks it up. In the ring Angle escapes the Tazmission and the Angle Slam ends this.

Rating: C. This was a main event tag match to the letter. Not a great match or anything but for what it was this was fine. It helps to set up the Austin being a hunted man angle, especially with the post match stuff. It also furthers Taz having issues with the Alliance which didn’t go much of anywhere but it happened.

Austin beats up Angle post match and steals his medals. JR freaks out to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This didn’t work for me for the most part. There’s some good stuff in it, but it felt like the show was spinning its wheels for the majority of the time. I don’t know what this is supposed to do and Unforgiven hasn’t even been mentioned yet. The Alliance was about two and a half months away from dying but it seems like they’re on life support by this point. Weak show.

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Guilty As Charged 2001
Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

It ends here. Or at least it should have since there was the WWE version which was good but not ECW and then there’s the TNA version which will be bad but ECW. This is the final ECW PPV in the original incarnation of the Tribe of Extreme. The main event is more or less a ladder match with Sandman vs. Credible vs. Corino for the title. Other than that there’s a semi-famous Dreamer vs. Anderson I Quit match which I’ve never seen. Let’s get to it, even though this is all that’s left to get to.

Oh and RVD isn’t on the card here since he wasn’t paid either.

We open with a long music video with no real purpose other than highlights of the previous few PPVs. Keep in mind there were no national TV shows and very limited syndicated channels and barely any touring. In a sense, the company was just going PPV to PPV for anything. The video is at three minutes already.

A little telling sign of ECW’s problems: while the place looks full, notice the listed attendance. A full house is great, but not when it’s less than 3,000 people to fill it. Joel does his usual stuff but gets dirtier than usual, although it’s rather funny. He introduces Matthews and York who he is now managing.

Random note here: it wasn’t known that the company was going out of business. There was supposed to be another PPV in March but they canceled it in February and went out of business just after Wrestlemania. In other words, for about 10 days, ECW was in fact the second biggest wrestling company in the country due to WCW being out of business. Pay no attention to the fact that Heyman was working for WWF or that they hadn’t had a show in about two months and let Heyman have his moment.

Anyway Da Baldies jump York and Matthews and beat up Gertner in the aisle. And here are Cyrus and Lynn with an evil referee while the Baldies continue the beatdown. Lynn hits York with a Cradle Piledriver and Cyrus gets the pin. That somehow was an opening match. Between Joel finishing his poem and the three count, which included a speech, the intro, the beatdown, an extension of the beatdown and the pin, five minutes passed, hence the short description and no official inro to a match.

Lynn says he’s not a jobber to the stars anymore and he’s the New F’N Show. He also lets us know that RVD isn’t the biggest star. Lynn won’t wrestle a non man event either.

Theme song. I still fail to see why we needed a few minutes out of every PPV for this.

Tag Titles: Hot Commodity vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The backs of the belts are purple. I wouldn’t have bet on that one. Doring and Dinero start us off. Basically we’re just waiting for the hot tag to Roadkill to have him clean house. And there he is, earlier than I expected, for the beatdown. Hart Attack (called the Lancaster Lariat of Lust) connects.

We go to the floor and Doring kind of botches a Poetry in Motion over the top rope. Hamrick interference gets two as this isn’t much of a match. It’s ok but it’s going a bit too fast. Money hits the Crash Landing which would be his finisher in his brief run in WCW at the end of the company. Dinero hits a SWEET dropkick to put Roadkill on the floor.

It’s back to waiting on the big hot tag to Roadkill which is basic and smart booking. I like the funny little names that are all based around sex for Doring. At least they’re trying. He comes in and destroys everyone and the big double clothesline has Hot Commodity in trouble. Dinero’s finisher is called the Jalapeno Popper. Seriously? Hamrick comes in but does nothing as the Buggy Back (wheelbarrow/legdrop combo) ends it.

Rating: D+. Nothing that special here but it was ok. The champions were in trouble a bit too long for my taste but it certainly wasn’t horrible. This was just a gimme tag title defense for the champions which is fine. The match wasn’t much, although that could be that I can’t stand Hot Commodity.

The heels start a big beatdown and here’s Nova for the save, leading to this.

Nova vs. Chris Hamrick

Sure why not. Nova is different here somehow apparently. He’s leaner and very popular, so of course he’s in a thrown together match early in the show against a guy that’s no challenge to him. He goes for the leg for some reason and hooks a figure four. Well that didn’t last as Elektra comes in to break it up.

Hamrick gets a nice rana off the top to take over. Nova Hulks Up and an enziguri takes Hamrick down. He gets a huge chant as Cyrus insists he’s not fan friendly now. Elektra comes in again to annoy me so she gets kicked in the head by Nova. I like this new guy. Down goes the referee. Sure because in a company where there are no disqualifications we need a referee.

Chris Chetti, who Nova beat in a loser leaves ECW match, comes in and counts a pin on Nova. And here’s Spike for no apparent reason. Lou E. Dangerously says he would never be a Dudley, which is the joke since he used to be Sign Guy Dudley. A big brawl erupts and Nova hits a Swanton on Chetti and Kryptonite Krunch to end Hamrick because that was still going on.

Rating: D+. Decent match between two high fliers but the insanity just got annoying of course. I have no idea why Spike had any point there but whatever. Naturally Chetti and Nova would be supposed to feud again because having a Loser Leaves ECW match wasn’t enough somehow. This was of course angle building with wrestling on the side. Not a fan of that at all.

Cornio says he’s getting his belt back tonight, which Sandman stole.

CW Anderson vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is an I Quit match and is your standard veteran vs. young punk with something to prove feud. Dreamer is in a freaking Logan’s Roadhouse shirt. Is he a waiter on the side since he’s not getting paid? I’m not sure if I’m kidding there or not. We’re on the floor immediately as Cyrus is irritating. Back in the ring and Dreamer has a Dragon Sleeper of all things.

Anderson goes to the arm which is likely hurt since it’s Tommy Dreamer. Why should an I Quit match be a wrestling match? Cyrus wants it to be technical which is completely against the idea of the match but whatever. Dreamer goes violent with the ring bell hammer and busts Anderson open. Fairly sick drop toehold into the back of a chair busts Dreamer open.

CW works on the knee which doesn’t really get him anywhere. Dreamer takes some very bad looking unprotected chair shots and busts out a ring of barbed wire. The towel boy from the last show comes in and helps Dreamer beat him up. And there’s a metal sheet to the non-wrestler. Throw in a suplex and I’m sure he’s perfectly fine right?

Spinebuster onto the wire, called razor wire here, and of course Anderson goes for the arm instead of the back which was just slammed into barbed wire. We switch back to the spine as he goes through some chairs. Ok make that the neck as it’s all Anderson here. It’s table time but Anderson goes through it. They take part of it and Dreamer chokes him out for the victory.

Rating: C. Not bad but if this is supposed to be a classic in ECW I fail to see it. Also, nice job of elevating Anderson there by giving the win to the old man that still has never quit. I don’t get this one really and while it was a good beatdown, the psychology was just not there at all as Anderson couldn’t just pick a body part. It’s ok but nothing great at all.

We now hit the WTF part of our show.

Francine is making jokes about a huge sandwich and Corino comes in. He says he’s the world champion so she should screw him. She says no because of the lack of belt. He asks where Justin is and she says in the bathroom with Missy Hyatt. Naturally Corino doesn’t buy it but after he leaves, out walks Justin with his pants unbuckled and is followed by Missy Hyatt in a towel. She says she’s screwed him twice already today and to just let Justin screw Francine already. Missy leaves and Corino and Jack Victory are STUNNED. Victory wants some too because she used to manage him in Texas (true story) but she doesn’t remember. She asks if she screwed him. This was completely pointless but absolutely hilarious.

Website ad/house show ad (including the final show 6 days after this)/ad for Living Dangerously which didn’t happen.

FBI vs. Kid Kash/Super Crazy vs. Tajiri/Mikey Whipwreck

The winners are the #1 contenders. Tajiri in a hat is just funny for some reason. It always has been. Three people in at once here and it’s elimination. Kash, Mikey and Mamaluke start us off. Mikey’s laugh is awesome. Kash botches the heck out of a springboard and faceplants to draw a huge chant against him.

The fans do the whole pizza/Sal E ate it deal which gets old fast. Crazy vs. Tajiri starts up and the value of the show instantly rises. Kash misses another big dive and it’s breaking down very fast. Yeah forget that whole three in the ring at once. Crazy does a big dive and of course Kash out does him. Make no mistake about him: the guy could fly with the best of them.

Crazy goes for another dive and completely misses in a painful looking spot. Sal kills Kash with a splash to take out him and Crazy. And so of course it’s these two teams again because we haven’t seen this match enough. Mikey drops DiBiase punches which makes me smile. Mamaluke gets freaking destroyed and both he and his partner are put in the Tree of Woe.

Naturally they take over in about 9 seconds because they can. Double Powerbomb off the top to Mikey to more or less end him. And of course that gets two also. Mikey gets the hot tag and is of course fine just afterwards. The lack of selling in this match is painful. Chairs are involved and are of course nothing special. Double suplexes end it. Well at least it’s over.

Rating: D+. This was just a tag team triple threat. There was no real point to it and while it wasn’t horrible, there just wasn’t anything at all to talk about in it, which is clearly why I wrote four paragraphs on it. It just wasn’t an interesting match in the slightest and it never got off the ground. The title match would have been good too which is a shame they had to go out of business.

Same ads as early.

Sandman says he’s the most likely to win. How did he get into the world title picture without winning anything for like a year?

Simon Diamond/Swinger vs. Balls Mahoney/Chilly Willy

What kind of a name is Swinger? In WCW he was Johnny Swinger and here he’s just Swinger. That never made sense. Swinger talks about not getting any from Dawn Marie while Simon has, so he’s gone out and gotten Jasmine St. Clair. She and Blue Boy come out and apparently Blue Boy is his new manager. Oh look: another pointless midcard faction. After about a minute of brawling, Rhyno comes in and gores everyone including the women. Well there’s five minutes filled. Jasmine takes a piledriver off the middle rope.

Again with the ads!

Rhyno says he’s just begun.

ECW World Title: Steve Corino vs. Sandman vs. Justin Credible

So the main event is starting an hour and forty minutes into the show? THESE guys are going to go an hour? Why do I not think this is possible in the slightest? This is a ladder match but it’s billed as ladders, tables, chairs and canes. Where does that sound familiar from? Sandman’s entrance is three minutes so far as Joey actually talks about psychology regarding the entrance. That actually makes sense. Apparently it’s like icing a kicker. Makes sense.

The match starts after we spend five minutes on his intro. We start with brawling as Cyrus says Justin will unload on them like he did on Missy. It’s a spotfest and not a particularly good one. Sandman goes for the belt a few times to no avail. He goes through a table and I guess the fans are impressed.

Sandman beats up everyone and goes up the ladder. Justin is ready to make the save but the ladder breaks. Well what else did you expect? Sandman goes through a table again in a spot that made me think I had rewound the tape by mistake. Tombstone to Corino and Francine hits a rana on Sandman for no apparent reason. BIG ladder is brought in by Sandman.

Cornio and Justin go up and just like KOTR 99 the belt goes up. Just like KOTR 99, it was never explained as far as I know. Corino and Justin go through a table and Sandman goes up to win the belt. Yeah that’s it as the main event is over at three minutes past ten.

Rating: D+. Spotfest, but not a very good one. Sandman going through table after table was rather annoying and repetitive. This wasn’t horrible but it feels completely anti-climactic. Sandman is champion again and is a more believable choice than either of them but at the same time he’s the old guy that hasn’t meant anything in forever. I’m not wild on this at all.

Corino shakes Justin’s hand and here come….Da Baldies? They fight Justin and Corino to the back which has Joey shocked, as the two singles guys are fighting together.

And here’s Rhyno who gores Sandman. He wants to know why he’s the TV Champion when there is no TV in this company. He wants the world title and wants his shot RIGHT NOW. The announcers say he’s not very brave. Yeah he’s so brave to jump a guy he’s destroyed every time they’ve fought. Rhyno threatens to kill his family if he doesn’t get a match. Sandman says ring the bell.

ECW World Title: Sandman vs. Rhyno

Gore gets two, the fans chant RVD, Sandman gets pile driven through a table, Sandman kicks out, piledriver on a broken table, Rhyno is champion after like a minute.

Cyrus comes out and says Rhyno is the unified champion, meaning the TV Title is officially dead. He issues the open challenge and NOW RVD comes out to answer. Joey is shocked that RVD wants the world title. Good thing Rob was in his gear and stretched just in case there was an open challenge.

ECW World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Rhyno

And never mind as here’s Jerry Lynn for a Dusty Finish and the fans aren’t exactly thrilled.

Jerry Lynn vs. Rob Van Dam

So here’s your last 20 minutes or so of the show. The fans are glad to see Van Dam as I guess this was supposed to set up RVD vs. Rhyno. Lynn is in shorts which is a weird sight. The TICKED OFF RVD has time to talk to the fans of course. We stall a lot as Joey gives us the pride crap. No contact is made for about two minutes as we have to kill some time since it couldn’t be spent wrestling.

They fight on the floor and RVD’s mouth is busted a bit. WAY too much stalling here. Van Dam does his normal stuff on the floor as it’s very clear they’re just trying to fill time at this point. This is really just a match and not a great one. The psychology in the third one made it far more interesting but here it’s just you take over then I take over. Some fans yell something about a bald guy or other and are cheered when he gets thrown out.

I know I’m not saying much here but there isn’t much to say. Since there’s no angle here or title on the line there’s no feeling to this match at all and it’s really hurting it. Also it doesn’t help at all that Lynn is a horrible heel. He had his most successful few months of his career so he wants to change all that. Sure why not.

Lynn gets a DDT on a chair for two as this is just dragging. Five Star doesn’t hit and Lynn gets two. And here’s Joel Gertner to beat up Cyrus for general purposes I guess. Van Daminator gets no cover as I wonder why you would EVER hold up a chair in an RVD match. It’s just so stupid. Gertner helps set up the Van Terminator to kill Lynn dead and end it. And that’s the final ECW match in the history of the original PPV era.

Rating: C-. Just not interesting at all. It’s an ok match as most of them were, but I still find this to be a completely overrated series. This is by far and away the weakest they’ve ever done and just never became interesting. It’s not a bad match, but it’s way too long and had no real point other than being the wrestling match on the last half hour of the show. I just couldn’t get into it at all.

Credible and Lynn are the New Impact Players. That’s how the show ends. Oh and with Francine blowing her line.

Overall Rating: D. I’m going through the card here and without looking at the ratings, the best I can give a match is the I Quit match which was just ok. There just was nothing at all here to warrant paying a dime, or in this case $21.95, to see. This just wasn’t an interesting show at all. Sandman, the one guy of the three the fans accept as a main event player, wins the title and then Rhyno, a guy that had trouble with Spike last month is here to steal it?

I thought the point of a monster was to be a MONSTER and not have to steal a title. RVD vs. Rhyno should have been at least six months earlier but I guess it was supposed to be the Living Dangerously match. This show just didn’t have anything good going for it and it showed badly. Bad way to go out, but the one silver lining was that they had some new stuff planned it seemed, including RVD going for the world title. Shame that’s only two years too late to give the company another breath of air. Oh and the show ended at 10:35, yet the Simon/Swinger match clocked in at 48 seconds.

So now we come to the hard part and probably the feature attraction here: the final thoughts on ECW. Now it’s no secret that I was never a fan of the original ECW. I thought the company was way overhyped and just straight up not very good. ECW was in fact one of the most influential companies in the world with some very innovative stuff. Then it stopped being innovative. Everyone was cursing, everyone had hot women, everyone used weapons, everyone had the more adult angles. They also got talent from ECW and Heyman just never came back.

If you look back at the ECW PPV guys and the reactions they were getting, it became increasingly clear that the midcard was the most popular section of the show. This is where one of the big ECW talking points comes into play: the TV Title and the World Title were sometimes on equal footing. That does not work. Even in a company today like WWE where there is enough talent to have two full rosters and they’re still crowded, people don’t like more than one champion. The other thing to consider is that to the masses, the TV Title was known as the belt worn by guys like Ultimo Dragon, Yuji Nagata, Alex Wright and Prince Iaukea.

You can make the case all you want that the titles were equal and that the matches for the TV Title were better. That very well may be true, but it doesn’t matter what reality is. What matters is how your audience perceives it. Take for example John Cena. Anyone with eyes can see that Cena is a talented wrestler and has far more than 5 moves. However, the people think he’s overrated and that’s all that matters. RVD vs. Lynn for the TV Title might be the best match on the card, but it’s not for the World Title. Fans are familiar with the idea of the World Champion being the important guy.

This transitions into my next point: Rob Van Dam and the Heavyweight Title. Now I’ve long since argued that the company was in trouble the day Shane Douglas got hurt. Shane was world champion and him dropping the belt to Taz was about as much of a given as you could ask for. The problem is that when Shane got hurt, Taz was the hottest thing in the company. Shane gets hurt for like 3 months and doesn’t drop the title until January, six months after his injury. The problem was that Taz had to just sit around for six months waiting on the shoulder to heal and people didn’t care when he won the belt.

This sets off a domino effect as Taz now has an 8 month reign and no one cares by this point and he has no one to fight. Van Dam is getting more and more popular so the belt goes on Mike Awesome for about seven months and then after a few short reigns (as in two in less than ten days) it goes to Justin Credible. Wait….what? Credible had a career win total of nothing important and yet he’s the world champion? This was the problem for the rest of the company’s run of nearly two years: the champions had never done jack.

The final three champions for all intents and purposes were Credible, Lynn and Corino. The problem is these three had a combined one important win: Lynn beat RVD when he had a bunch of ring rust and there was no title on the line. The problem was the Andre the Giant syndrome: as long as RVD was around and they didn’t beat him, the fans didn’t accept these guys as the world champion. This is what I’m getting at with the RVD issues the whole time. He had well received matches with Jerry Lynn for the TV Title. Why couldn’t they be for the world title? To the average and casual fans, he’s the midcard champion. That doesn’t sell a lot of new PPVs.

This is one of my final (I think) points: the impromptu matches and insane PPVs. These are fine once in awhile, but the thought that pops into my head is something I read in the Death of WCW book, so please note this is not my original idea but it fits ECW perfectly. Imagine if say McDonalds sold one thing: the mystery meal. You don’t know what’s in it but just that it’s edible food. It could be fish, chicken, hamburger etc. You know it’s one, but not specifically. How many people do you think would eat there? ECW PPVs were the same (to a degree): you were going to get wrestling, but you didn’t know what it was going to be.

Having random matches is fine once in awhile, but eventually you have to stand by what you’re offering and live or die by it. Having RVD vs. Lynn on this show doesn’t mean anything because even if it’s the second coming of Steamboat vs. Flair it doesn’t add a single buy because the only people that would see it have already bought the show. Now if you advertise that RVD, the most popular guy in the company, is going to be there then you might sell some more shows and make more money. See what I’m getting at here? It’s ok once in awhile but not all the time.

All that being said, there were some good things about ECW. Their tag wrestling was solid and their midcard would have made even WCW drool at times. Super Crazy vs. Tajiri was great for instance. Some of the tag matches were awesome and the women were very hot. There was some solid in ring work too and the brawls were decent at times. It would have been nice to mix things up a bit with more wrestling and less brawling, but I get the idea I guess.

Overall the company was never going to be a giant. It simply wasn’t in the cards and that’s all there is to it. However, if they hadn’t stretched things way too far and tried to be the third national company, there’s a chance they could be around today. As a regional company with lower salaries, they definitely could have been around at least to a certain degree.

ECW was a company that tried very hard, but at the end of the day it just didn’t have enough to survive. It most certainly meant something to wrestling though and paved the way for the indy companies like CHIKARA and ROH today. It was a good idea and successful to a degree, but without changing, it was doomed to die, which it did.

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NXT
Date: April 11, 2012
Location: Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, Virginia
Commentators: William Regal, Josh Matthews

It’s that time of the week again. After last week’s disappointing ending to the Who Stole Striker story, it’s time for more Regal vs. Hawkins/Reks, because that hasn’t been done to death yet around here. We’ll also see Maxine trying to get her hooks into Regal, which is probably an idea they came up with in FCW and are using here. Let’s get to it.

Percy Watson vs. Johnny Curtis

Maxine comes out with Curtis and Watson isn’t pleased. He thought they weren’t together anymore but Regal cuts off his complaints and tells Maxine to stay away from the ring. Maxine sits next to Regal and he can’t speak as well all of a sudden. Watson speeds things up after a slow start with a one footed dropkick where he lands on his feet. That was pretty cool. They fight over a top wristlock and Watson takes over with an atomic drop and a legdrop for two.

Maxine is whispering into Regal’s ear as Curtis takes over with right hands. He sends Percy’s shoulder into the corner and out to the floor as we take a break. Regal is now off commentary and talking to Maxine. Curtis controls with a wristlock but Watson comes back and rams some shoulders into Curtis’ ribs. Regal is frustrated that he isn’t focused on his job as Curtis hits a cool move by dropping a leg on the arm of a standing Watson for two.

Back to the arm hold and Watson can’t break out of it. Elbow to the arm gets two. Josh doesn’t seem to get what’s wrong with Regal. Regal tries to focus and talks about Curtis a bit but still isn’t all there. I’d assume this is connected to whatever the list of stuff Regal is into that Maxine and Curtis were supposed to get their hands on last week or the week before. Watson starts his comeback with his usual strikes and the dropkicks as Regal leaves with Maxine. Belly to belly puts Curtis down and Watson is distracted by Regal leaving, allowing Curtis to roll him up for the pin at 8:13.

Rating: C-. This was ok but Curtis is just such an uninteresting character, as is Watson. Watson’s character basically is that he’s an athlete while Curtis is weird. The weird part is fine when he’s talking, but in the ring it doesn’t really do anything at all. The match was more about Regal and Maxine, which is ok because it gives us some intrigue. He looked distracted when they left so something is up.

Hawkins and Reks talk to Maxine in the back who is minus Regal now. She talks to them and asks if they did that thing. Reks isn’t sure what they she means but apparently Regal is going to be talking to them soon. She doesn’t get Striker back until they know she didn’t screw them over. Why does she want Striker back? They leave and Maxine pretends to cry when Bateman and Kaitlyn pop up. Maxine cries on Bateman’s shoulder and asks for help with Reks/Hawkins. He says he’ll do it because she’s the worst thing that ever happened to him. He and Kaitlyn leave and Maxine smiles. This is a confusing story.

Tamina comes out of a dressing room and runs into Titus. She yells at him for leaving Young last week but Titus has a peace offering: a coconut tree. She seems legitimately pleased and kisses him on the cheek. Tamina walks off and runs into Young who doesn’t seem happy with Titus giving her a gift. Young walks up to Titus and Titus says he was just proving he was better than Young again. Titus leaves and Young is mad.

Back to Kaitlyn and Bateman with the one with better legs saying that she misses the old days of NXT. Bateman disagrees but they hear screams from a closet. They open it up to find Striker bound and gagged holding Hawkins’ cane. Bateman wants to get him to the doctor but Striker says he’ll handle this. He leaves while Bateman and Kaitlyn shrug.

Raw ReBound is about Cena and Lesnar.

Regal comes up to Reks and Hawkins, saying he’s underestimated them. He squeezes their necks and wants to know where Striker is. They don’t know and Regal says if anything is wrong with Striker, there will be serious consequences. Regal leaves and they go to find Striker. They open the closet and find that he’s gone. Are we supposed to believe that a guy that was kidnapped in whatever city has been in the same closet for a month now? Anyway Maxine comes with Curtis to laugh at them.

Michael McGillicutty vs. Tyson Kidd

Regal is back on commentary and is all messed up still. We get a quick recap which is based around Kidd not being a Hart and this is the rubber match in the feud. Regal seems back into it once the bell rings. Kidd works on the arm to start and arm drags him to a stalemate. He keeps making McGillicutty miss by using his speed, including sliding between his legs to clothesline him to the floor. Kidd dives over the top but crotches himself on the ring skirt. McGillicutty sends him onto the announce table as we take a break.

Back with McGillicutty holding a chinlock as Regal talks about leopards. Kidd gets up quickly but a shot to the back of the head puts him right back down. As he did earlier, Kidd speeds things up and has better success. An armdrag puts McGillicutty down and then fires off the strikes. A dropkick to the side of the head gets two. A Sharpshooter is countered but Kidd comes back with a Blockbuster for two. I could go for seeing that move becoming someone’s finisher again. Kidd kicks him in the head and tries his springboard cross body but Michael dropkicks him out of the air for two.

McGillicutter is countered into a backslide for two. Saito Suplex puts Kidd down and McGillicutty hooks a Sharpshooter on Kidd. Tyson makes the rope so McGillicutty tries the PerfectPlex, which should have been his finisher since the day he debuted. Kidd reverses it though and sets for the Sharpshooter. Instead of that though, he puts his foot above McGillicutty’s shoulder and leans forward, wrapping his feet around Michael’s head and pulling back on his arm as he leans back. It’s like a triangle choke but with their legs intertwined and it gets the tap out at 9:24.

Rating: B. This was an entertaining match with a cool finish as Kidd goes up a level to beat McGillicutty. Regal talks about Kidd doing submission training with Bret every day off he has which plays into this as well. This was a very solid ending to this feud and hopefully Kidd can get actual TV time soon instead of being the best wrestler on NXT.

Overall Rating: C+. I certainly got my wish about this show: Tonight’s episode was certainly not boring. I’m not completely sure it made sense, but it definitely was not boring. However, we got a very good main event (by NXT standards) and some plot twists that have me wondering what’s coming next. That alone is good enough to make this a good show and I’m curious as to where this is going.

Results
Johnny Curtis b. Percy Watson – Rollup
Tyson Kidd b. Michael McGillicutty – Leg Trap Triangle Choke

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Smackdown
Date: April 10, 2012
Location: Hampton Coliseum, Hampton, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

This is another special live show with a theme of Blast From The Past. That means that we have the legends coming out again for their semi-annual appearances which don’t mean much other than us getting to say “hey, I know you.” It still should be fun though as most of these shows are. Also we might even get some fallout from last week with Sheamus. Let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is the Indians’ bullpen. How can it be this bad?

We get a quick clip of Bryan breaking up with AJ last week. Bryan is in Piper’s Pit tonight.

Here’s Mean Gene for an interview in the ring with Sheamus. Ok so by interview it means introducing him and standing in the corner. Sheamus talks about there being a code of honor as champion and he didn’t follow it last week. There was a Daniel Bryan chant as he started talking but it wasn’t a huge one. He publicly apologizes to all referees including Chad Patton. Everyone makes mistakes and he always learns the hard way from them.

Ace’s new trumpet music cuts him off. He shows us the clip of the ending of last week’s main event and the Brogue Kick after the match. Ace wants to know who Sheamus thinks he is and demands a public apology. Sheamus says he just did that and Ace says he didn’t hear it so do it again. He does it again and Ace wants an apology to all of the other referees and we get the same exchange with the same result. Now Ace wants an apology to the world which brings a smirk to Sheamus’ face.

Ace says apologize now which Sheamus does, almost laughing at the same time. That’s not good enough apparently and Sheamus is on permanent probation, meaning that if he touches a referee by accident or on purpose, he’s fired. Also he’s being fined $500,000. Also tonight it’s Del Rio/Bryan vs. Sheamus/Okerlund. As long as we don’t see him in trunks again I’m ok. This was an attempt at making us care about Sheamus and while it’s nothing new at all, it’s certainly better than nothing.

Bob Orton wishes his son good luck in his upcoming match.

Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry

Henry misses a charge and Orton pounds away with right hands. He tries to climb the corner to punch even harder but gets slammed out for two. Bob is watching in the back as we take a break, 80 seconds into the match. Back with Orton fighting out of a neck crank. We see a clip from the break of Orton avoiding a charging Henry to send him into the stairs. Back to the neck crank and then a slam sets up a splash for two. Orton gets his feet up to stop a charging Henry and hits him clotheslines which don’t work.

A low DDT like Miz uses gets two. RKO is countered with Henry throwing Orton to the floor. Orton comes back and rams him into the post twice and slides in when Kane’s pyro goes off. Kane pops up on the screen and says by beating him at Mania, he became a monster again. Last week Orton proved he can be just as evil as Kane is. Kane says it shouldn’t end now, so we pan back to see Bob Orton laid out in front of him. The match just stops at about 11:00.

Rating: C-. This was watchable but not much more. I have no idea why it was a no contest instead of the logical countout win for Henry. Henry has a world title match on Monday so you need to keep him strong, but at the same time you don’t want Orton to look weak. The perfect solution? Countout loss, but for some reason that’s not what we get because WWE has no idea what they’re doing for the most part with basic things like that anymore.

Randy runs to the back and finds his dad but Kane drills him with a pipe and says he’s a sucker for family reunions.

Back and we recap what we saw four minutes ago.

DiBiase and Atlas are watching from the back. Atlas says this is going to be a squash match.

Ryback vs. Benny Camer

Patterson and Hillbilly Jim are watching in the back as well. Ryback KILLS HIM with a clothesline right after the bell and then puts him in a torture rack position and falls backwards for the pin at 35 seconds. WAY better than both Lord Tensai matches so far as Ryback looked like a killer.

Heath Slater is trying to talk Tyson Kidd into teaming with him tonight. Slater even has a Hall of Fame manager for them that says Slater could be the next Honky Tonk Man. It’s Jimmy Hart, who looks exactly the same as he did 20 years ago. Take that for what you will.

Mick Foley comes out to do commentary.

Heath Slater/Tyson Kidd vs. Usos

Cole actually references Countdown to Lockdown (not by name) when talking about Foley’s commentary history. We get the Megaphone which never goes out of style. Jimmy starts with Tyson in this NXT special. They exchange cradles and Slater tags himself in. Off to a chinlock and Jimmy says that he’s had more tag champions than anyone in the history of the WWE. I think Captain Lou might have something to say about that. The Usos make the hot tag and clean house, hitting their toss into the Samoan Drop. Mick gets tired of Jimmy and chases him off with Socko, allowing the Superfly Splash to end this mess at 2:40.

Jimmy takes Socko post match. These legends bits aren’t working at all for the most part.

Time for the Pit with Bryan as the guest. He looks pretty good. Old but good. He’s not as big as a house if nothing else. Piper says he misses being here and says Bryan is the guest tonight, getting a somewhat mixed reaction. We see the breakup clip for the fourth time tonight and here’s Bryan. There’s a brief but solid YES chant but it dies quickly. Piper says Bryan looks happy for someone that lost the title in 18 seconds. Bryan says he’s been granted his rematch and the fans chant 18 seconds. The match is at Extreme Rules and it’s 2/3 falls. AJ will be nowhere to be found.

Piper isn’t sure about that but he does know that AJ is here tonight. He likes AJ and since this is his show, AJ, COME ON DOWN! AJ comes out and is very excited to be in the Pit. She says hi to Daniel and Piper is surprised. AJ defends Bryan and says that deep down, he’s a good person. Piper says in the Pit you don’t have to be politically correct. AJ insists it was her fault and begs forgiveness. She wants to talk to Bryan and Piper tries to talk her out of it. Bryan cuts them off and says if AJ loves him, she’ll leave right now. Piper says she doesn’t need to listen to Bryan but AJ leaves anyway, getting a reaction out of it too.

Bryan goes to leave but Piper goes into Hot Rod mode and talks about Bryan’s YES YES YES shirt. Piper says he has a lot of children including four girls, four ladies. Piper says you don’t tell a lady to shut up. That’s a No. You don’t yell at a lady. That’s a No. You don’t use a lady as a human shield, because that’s a coward, and that’s Bryan, also a No. Piper says he’s looking forward to seeing Sheamus kick Bryan’s head off twice. Bryan slaps Piper and runs away. Piper was on here and it worked well.

Drew McIntyre/Bella Twins vs. Great Khali/Natalya/Beth Phoenix

Men vs. men and women vs. women. The men start but Drew gets chopped and tags out. He says he doesn’t need this and walks out. Alicia hits a northern lights suples on Brie for the pin at 56 seconds. What was the point in this match existing?

Mae Young comes out and kisses Khali. I guess that’s why the match existed.

Damien Sandow explains how sophisticated he is. He doesn’t like social media because it furthers the moral decay of society. Preach it brother.

Another clip of Kane and the Ortons earlier.

Raw ReBound.

Gene thinks Sheamus has a plan for tonight. Sheamus says they’re probably going to lose tonight but he’s not going to let Ace have the satisfaction of seeing Sheamus sweat. If they survive, the first pint is on Sheamus. They’ll either drink to remember or drink to forget.

Jim Duggan vs. Hunico

Duggan knocks him to the floor where Camacho is waiting. Duggan calls out Sarge and I think we have a tag match on our hands. Well it is Smackdown after all. Or maybe Sarge throws Duggan the 2×4 and it’s a DQ at 1:00. Hunico takes the Cobra Clutch post match.

Here’s Cody to complain about life in general. He’s looking forward to a future where he’s the champion again and where these legends don’t hog the spotlight. This brings out Dusty for what could be interesting. Dusty says that he’d do anything for his son, but he doesn’t quite get what Cody has been doing lately. Cody has been poking a grizzly bear lately in Big Show. Dusty gets cut off as Cody says Dusty is embarrassing him and they can talk in the back.

Cody goes to leave but here’s Big Show. He does the required Dusty impression and says he’ll show the real Cody Rhodes. It’s one of the Dashing Tips videos, this one being him putting on lip gloss. Cody looks stunned and Dusty looks…..uh…….I think the right word is disappointed. Show says that was embarrassing and leaves. Dusty doesn’t say anything but does get to dance to his music. I still stand by my theory that Dusty’s kids are the biggest ribs in the history of pro wrestling.

Alberto Del Rio/Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus/Gene Okerlund

The Fink does Gene/Sheamus’ entrance, making it instantly better. Sheamus starts with Del Rio but the heels double team him down quickly. Gene is in a Sheamus t-shirt and pants thankfully. Del Rio puts on a facelock but gets backdropped quickly. Sheamus throws both of them around but the Brogue Kick misses. Bryan dropkicks him to the floor and Del Rio kicks his head off.

Gene gets in for some reason and is surrounded. Ricardo is in there too. The Legends Army comes out to distract Bryan, allowing Sheamus to kick his head off for the pin at 3:23. I’m not going to rate it as most of that was Gene getting trapped and the Legends coming in, but the match was nothing at all of note anyway.

The legends all beat up Ricardo and celebrate to end the show. We’re not done yet though as Cole gets in the ring and says he knows they have to get back to the retirement home so let’s get a quick photo. They surround him and Patterson gives him a weak right hand to knock him to the floor. Atlas has some GUNS on him.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a hard one to grade. First of all, if you’re looking for the Smackdown version of Old School Raw, you didn’t get it here. This was more like a regular episode of Smackdown with some legends thrown in rather than the other way around. Now that being said it still worked okish, with the Pit being a highlight. The Sheamus vs. Ace stuff is decent as it gives Sheamus what he needs more than anything else: something people can relate to.

Since he turned face back in August, all he’s really done is beat people up and tell the occasional funny Irish story. That’s only going to get him so far and I think we reached that back in January. This is something a little different and while it’s something we’ve seen before, I liked how Sheamus handled it. It’s something I want to see continue and that’s a really good sign. This was a good show overall, but it’s not a great one.

Results
Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry went to a no contest
Ryback b. Benny Camer – Torture Rack Drop
Usos b. Tyson Kidd/Heath Slater – Superfly Splash to Slater
Great Khali/Natalya/Alicia Fox b. Bella Twins/Drew McIntyre – Northern lights suplex to Brie
Hunico b. Jim Duggan via DQ when Duggan hit Hunico with the 2×4
Sheamus/Gene Okerlund b. Alberto Del Rio/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Bryan

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