Anarchy Rulz 1999
Date: September 19, 1999
Location: Odeum Expo Center, Villa Park, Illinois
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

And so it dies here. No not the company as they held onto life, if you want to call it that, for about another 16 months after this. Taz leaves here though, as WWF came with a huge sum of money about three weeks after ECW debuted on TNN. The Dudleys already left about two weeks earlier. Word has gotten out that Taz is leaving too, so don’t expect him to be incredibly over tonight. Other than that, there isn’t much on the card. Storm vs. Lynn should be fun though. Let’s get to it.

We see Masato Tanaka showing up. He’s the number one contender. I’m not sure but I think that was Dave Prazak doing the interview. Awesome’s manager shows up and doesn’t like Tanaka. He gets smacked.

Cyrus and Joey do the intro you would expect before we throw it to the theme song.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

We start with this? Really? I guess part of anarchy is that we’re getting rid of the best match right off the bat for some reason. Dawn Marie’s dress is almost not even there. These are two of my favorites from ECW so I’ll be pleased with this more than likely. Jerry’s ribs are messed up because the Impact Players beat him up about a week before.

Lance Storm having his own personal woman is just amusing as all get out. Crowd is pretty one sided to say the least. We have a nice technical piece to start. Did you expect anything else? The fans applaud which is always a good sign. ECW fans were fair if nothing else. I’ve always liked Joey’s mentioning of the referees. They work extremely hard and rarely get the credit that they deserve. Storm’s chops kind of suck.

There’s a bad delay right before it connects and it makes them look really weak. The fans get bored with the match and would like to see something from Dawn. Cyrus gets a nice line in by saying that Storm is a step ahead of Gene Kiniski who was billed as Canada’s Greatest Athlete: he’s CALGARY’S Greatest Athlete. That’s a great line and could be solid for a heel in a territorial promotion.

The referee yells at someone at ringside for a LONG time with his eyes totally away from the action. Nice one guys. Jerry hits a nice plancha from the top rope to the floor and down goes Storm. Having Cyrus as an analyst is a GREAT help. Joey is fun to listen to but there is simply too much to have one guy do. That’s not a knock on Styles. It’s too much for anyone. Having an analyst in there takes a ton of pressure off of Joey and it’s helping a lot.

Cradle piledriver is blocked. Again, can someone explain the difference to me? SWEET pinfall reversal sequence that goes on for nearly a minute straight. That’s VERY impressive and literally gets a standing ovation from the crowd. They go wide to show it and they quite well should. Amazing stuff as I knew it would be. Cyrus points out that he used to be a wrestler which is something that needs to be done more often.

TNA has been doing it more often lately as they point out that Taz used to be a wrestler. He’s been retired what, 9 years or so? A LOT of fans likely haven’t seen him wrestle. How long has it been for King? Point out to the fans that he actually has experience. Jerry is a former world champion as is Taz. Let the fans know that once in awhile. There’s a chair wedged in the corner that hasn’t been doing anything yet.

Lynn is thrown into the corner but slides to avoid the steel macguffin. He slams his ribs into the post though and Storm goes after it like a Hart-trained wrestler attempting to use basic psychology. Lynn hits a Stunner out of nowhere to get us back to even. I love when wrestlers just bust out random moves.

It makes no sense that so many guys only use their signature stuff. Use whatever comes to mind, at least in kayfabe terms. Storm hits a knee to the ribs and hooks a ¾ nelson of all things for the clean pin? That came out of NOWHERE. It’s fine to end it that way as it looked solid, but DANG that was random.

Rating: A-. I loved this and yes it’s biased. Even still though, this was very solid stuff. See what happens with simple psychology and good wrestling? It works very well indeed and you get a great match that I was way into. This worked and to be fair it’s probably because they’re two of my favorites in ECW.

Joey and Cyrus argue about “the office.”

Simon Diamond is here. He used to screw Dawn Marie so he’s awesome. He talks in the 3rd person but has none of Rock’s talent so there you go. He is looking for a partner and asks for Tom Marquez who graduated from the House of Hardcore. And that’s not good enough because Simon didn’t say it. There is no man here to fight Simon. And cue Jazz. Apparently he’s looking for a partner. Which is why he asked for someone to fight. Got it.

She’s a face at this point and is in no way shape or form a Chyna rip-off. Nope, not at all is she, the woman that looks tough and is overly muscular and fighting men a rip-off of Chyna. Not at all. Diamond runs his mouth off and yells at Marquez, the timekeeper tonight, to fight Jazz. Sure why not.

Jazz vs. Tom Marquez

Jazz gets beaten up for awhile and then hits a mat slam for a long two but a guy named Tony DeVito pulls the referee out. Yeah this wasn’t a match. 45 seconds at most.

Chris Chetti and Nova run out for the save and apparently THIS is a tag match now.

Chris Chetti/Nova vs. Tony DeVito/Simon Diamond

Apparently Nova is the most ripped off wrestler in the world as whatever he invents is on Monday night the next week. While that’s true to an extent, I’ll let it go and let Mr. Joey Pot and Cyrus Kettle, call this match. Wow that Jazz is BLACK. WOW that joke sucked. Anyway, you get the idea I think. DeVito goes for a Rock Bottom and botches the living tar out of it. And after about two minutes Danny Doring and Roadkill along with that redhead chick named Angelica run out for the DQ. Yes it’s Lita.

Rating: N/A. Two minutes of just boring stuff.

They hit Jazz with the Hart Attack. A ton of jobbers come out to stop Roadkill and it’s just a massive brawl. And now we get the point to all this: it’s New Jack. Oh why does he have to come back? I’m sure you know my thoughts on New Jack by now. One of the jobbers in there is the semi-famous Big Vito.

Staple gun to the head of some guy. And we do it again. Make it three times. I hate New Jack. I truly do. Nova and Chetti seem to like him though. Ok to be fair, the crowd is going nuts over this.

Tour ad.

Cyrus and Joey argue some more.

Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

During the entrances, Joey says he’s more or less high on laryngitis medications. Ok then. Tajiri is in his traditional look now. Crowd seems to favor Crazy the best. They point out the three distinct styles here which is a nice touch. Well this is better than another combination them going one on one again I guess. Oh and Big Sal is now the Big Salbowski. Give me a break.

Yes I get that it’s an intentional parody, but if this was the other way around, ECW would be FREAKING over WWF taking another idea from them. When ECW does it, it’s a parody though. Yeah that’s annoying. The chant of Where’s My Pizza starts up. WOW those get annoying. It’s your basic spotfest to start: stupid but fun. Guido hooks a camel clutch on Crazy and Tajiri kicks the heck out of him. They set for it again and Tajiri kicks the heck out of Guido. Nice one.

Tajiri hits a picture perfect moonsault to the floor to take out both guys. It was of the Asai breed in case you were curious. Guido hits a second rope Fameasser which looked good. Not sure why but it did. Crazy one ups Tajiri by hitting a top rope Asai moonsault and lands ON HIS FEET. That was awesome looking. In a SICK spot, Tajiri goes for a sunset flip on Crazy but it’s blocked. Tajiri pulls himself back up, spins crazy around and hooks the Tarantula.

Guido throws in a great double foot to the face. That was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time. Guido gets the Sicilian Crab at the same time Crazy gets a camel clutch. Tajiri was totally off the ground. Ton of sick spots in this match. That baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe is always great. Crazy follows that up with a moonsault to put Guido out.

It’s elimination rules in case you didn’t get that so we’re down to Tajiri and Crazy. The ten punch count being in Spanish is always a nice touch. The handspring elbow hits for Tajiri. We get a Super Loco chant. When they get creative like that I can live with them. Tajiri blocks the triple moonsault and just goes off on Crazy. A SICK brainbuster ends it.

Rating: B-. This is an odd match. The spots were great and I liked them a lot, but I just could not get into the match as a whole if that makes sense. I think it’s because this has been done so many times now that there’s just no real reason to care about this match. It was fun, but there’s just nothing of substance to it. Nice spot fest though.

We throw it to Steve Corino who says they were going to bring in the Insane Clown Posse to fight Raven and Dreamer tonight. And they’re not here. Corino was the manager apparently and brought them in. Instead Raven and Dreamer get Rhino and Corino. Ok then.

Billy Corgin is here.

They rant about WCW or something or other for awhile.

Justin Credible vs. Sabu

Does anyone else find it stupid that ECW says Sabu is genocidal? That’s just a bit of overkill. Sabu was banned for no apparent reason. Justin has a restraining order. Sacre bleu. What a waste of my time. Yes I quoted Smart Guy of all things. The referee says it’s a legal document, but there is no law tonight since Anarchy Rulz. Justin drills the announcer for saying it and the lights go out. Let’s get to it.

Apparently the Impact Players got him banned for being too violent. Fonzie gets a table for Sabu. Justin gets a Russian leg sweep on the ramp which looked good. I’d expect that’s the only wrestling move for awhile. Sabu goes through a table for some reason. Did anyone care about Credible? I don’t really think so. We get a vague Kliq reference which Justin was a part of in the back.

Sabu hits a big spot and Joey calls it indescribable just before he, say it with me, DESCRIBES IT. A bunch of overblown table spots follow. I don’t care either. So since Justin is having his head handed to him, I’m more or less counting down the time until the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY comeback that gives Justin the win. Cyrus finds Fonzie annoying. That’s very amusing. Justin is bleeding fairly badly.

A kendo stick shot gets two but Sabu has his foot on the ropes. Ok, so legally binding documents aren’t legal, but the ropes are. Got it. That’s Incredible gets two. Fonzie slides in a chair but it hits Sabu in the head. Nice one. BAD looking tombstone (That’s Incredible) on the chair ends it.

Rating: D-. The only word that came to my mind here was meh. I just totally did not care here for a few reasons. One, it’s Justin Credible. Two, you bring Sabu back to have him job? What sense does that make? The match was sloppy as all goodness and just bad. Didn’t like this at all, mainly due to the idiotic booking as Heyman continues to insist that Justin is some ring god.

ECW World Title: Masato Tanaka vs. Taz

No intro or anything. Joey just says it’s time for our world title match. The fans throw a TON of stuff into the ring because of Taz. He sold out apparently. No. Heyman screwed up the booking of him because no one cared about him as a face after he whined for a year and Shane Douglas wouldn’t drop the title like he should have. I still say that had as much to do with killing ECW as anything did.

That and not putting the belt on RVD about 5 months before this. Mike Awesome is in the crowd and Taz says send him in there too. Heyman comes out and holds Awesome back. I love how the fans go from YOU SOLD OUT to yelling his catchphrase with him inside of a minute. Remember that officially Taz hasn’t been announced as leaving yet but it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling. Heyman makes it a threeway.

So yeah add Mike Awesome to the title because I’m lazy. Oh and Awesome is in wrestling gear in the crowd. I’m shocked too. They double team him and that doesn’t work at all. Tanaka takes an Awesome Bomb. And then the Roaring Elbow and Awesome Splash puts Taz out in about two minutes. There you go then.

The locker room empties so that everyone can say goodbye to Taz. Yeah this was a total secret right? Awesome hits a sweet Tope (Taker Dive) to the floor to take Tanaka down. This is your standard solid match with these two. Naturally chairs and tables are brought into play but you have to expect that in ECW. Tanaka hits a Tornado DDT on a chair for two.

And Tanaka gets powerbombed over the top to the floor through a table. Top rope splash follows that for two. Ok then. Tanaka no sells three LOUD chair shots and this Diamond Dust which is an awesome move. It’s table time again with Awesome in control again. Awesome hits a top rope powerbomb for the pin. Yeah that works but a chair shot to the head from the top doesn’t? Taz hands him the belt after the match. The roster says goodbye to Taz as no one cares about Axl Rotten. The fans loving Taz now is kind of stupid. Taz tells them to chant for Awesome. Nice touch there.

Rating: B. Usual good stuff here from these two, but at times the no selling gets annoying. Still though, this was a shock to some people and it was a nice touch throwing Awesome in there as people knew Taz was losing, so here we didn’t know who was leaving with the belt. This was good.

Raven is hanging out by a swing and runs down the majority of the feud between him and Dreamer. The “It’s Tommy’s” line gets me every time. And no, I’m not running down that whole feud. The thing was excellent though. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at the moment. Raven says he let Dreamer beat him that night. This is the Raven that everyone loved and he was awesome. He quotes Keyser Soze. How awesome is that?

Gertner comes out to interrupt the announcer and the crowd pops. And here are Francine and Dreamer. Man in the Box is always awesome so I can’t complain. To get it over with, the Dudleys were leaving and Dreamer stood up to them. Raven ran in to be his partner and they won the tag titles. They hate each other though and Dreamer is hurt badly so Raven is making him wrestle until he’s crippled.

Simple in a way I guess. Dreamer says he won’t be cutting a babyface promo. And cue the babyface promo. He’s going to wrestle no matter what the doctors say. And here’s Corino so I’d bet we’re getting a tag title match. Ok never mind as it’s a singles match with Rhino. Pay no attention to the fact that they said there would be a tag title match later tonight with these three and Raven which is inevitable. Yeah I’m not even counting this as a match because Raven is just killing time before he gets here. They’re just wasting time and HERE’S Raven.

Tag Titles: Raven/Tommy Dreamer vs. Steve Corino/Rhino

Jack Victory, the sidekick of Corino and Rhino comes in to help and a double DDT ends this about 12 seconds after Raven gets there.

Rating: N/A. Can someone tell me when the match ended and when it started?

Mancow, some annoying DJ that had TWO WCW PPV matches comes out with some fat guys since we have a ton of time left. They do nothing other than high five Raven and leave. WOW.

Ad for November to Remember.

So with 35 minutes left in the tape there’s just RVD to go.

Axl Rotten comes out to talk. Seriously, why does this guy keep getting on PPV? He wants the shot at Awesome. Please come murder him. Instead it’s the Impact Players and a British guy named Johnny Smith. Apparently Smith vs. RVD is the main event. Rotten says the people are cheering for the women and not the talent.

Insert your Becca joke here. Balls Mahoney and Spike come in for the save and Dawn gets hit with an Acid Drop. Smith takes a BIG chair shot and leaves. So Balls gets the title shot instead. Oh dear.

ECW TV Title: Balls Mahoney vs. Rob Van Dam

And we have half an hour to go and this is the main event. Oh my goodness this could be painful. So we have Lynn who is obsessed with beating Van Dam and we get….Balls Mahoney vs. RVD. And people wonder why this company died. So Van Dam walks around for a few minutes to kill time. Wouldn’t a five minute match be a better use of time?

Oh that’s right: that army of jobbers had to be beaten up by New Jack instead of having a quick match. So with 25 minutes to go, NO ONE buys Mahoney having a prayer here. Seriously, they’re just blatantly wasting time now. I can’t get over Balls Mahoney main eventing a PPV. Seriously, no one cares about this match at all. All I’m doing is watching the clock on the player to wait until this is over.

Are those punches Balls throws supposed to be impressive or something? Van Dam hits a nice dive from the top into the crowd. And that ends anything interesting in this match. Seriously, the rest is more or less nothing but punches, kicks, chair shots and Balls doing moves he botches. This got TWENTY MINUTES.

Yeah I skipped a lot of the details here, but other than managing to kill an ECW crowd in a town like Chicago, this is the least interesting main event I can ever remember. Just terrible. A video package of the show fills in the final three minutes of the show.

Rating: F. Balls Mahoney main evented a PPV. That should be a meme somewhere for EPIC FAIL.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t completely terrible. There are some good matches here, but good night the stuff that sucked was sucking hard. The opener and world title match were both very solid but the rest is completely forgettable. The three way cruiserweight match was fine for what it was but it’s been done WAY too much for me to care again. Not completely terrible, but nothing worth seeing. Storm and Lynn and the title match are good though.

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ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: July 11, 2006
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Welcome to the rest of ECW. After last week, there was no way that this could be considered ECW anymore so we’re now in whatever you want to call this. Big Show is champion and he’s supported by the EVIL Heyman, which is WWE all the way. There isn’t much else to say but the show is going to be old vs. new now. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the main event from last week.

Flair vs. Big Show for the ECW Title later. This isn’t going to get any easier.

Here’s Heyman who says he made sure RVD lost the title last week. Don’t blame him though, because it’s the fans’ fault. It’s the people’s fault that RVD got suspended for thirty days. It’s their fault that he had such a rigorous schedule and it’s their cheers that made him jump off the top. Heyman talks about the sacrifices he made for ECW and how he’s the savior of the company. He’ll do things like this if it saves the fans and he’ll do it for the good of ECW. That isn’t really an explanation but that’s too much to ask for.

Heyman and his security leave and run into Dreamer. He wants an explanation but Dreamer has a match immediately so Heyman doesn’t have time to explain.

Raw ad, on an ECW show. It’s a different company remember.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Test

Dreamer is in street clothes. Test slaps him so Dreamer goes crazy on him. They go to the floor where Test rams his back into the post to take over. Test whips him into the corner and stomps him down as this is looking like a squash. A backbreaker sets up a bearhug which is broken pretty quickly. Tommy hits a pair of neckbreakers but the DDT is countered into a full nelson slam. The top rope elbow misses and Dremer tries the DVD. Test slips off the shoulders and rolls Dreamer up, putting his feet on the ropes for the cheap pin.

Rating: D. If they really think this is how the new brand was going to get over, they were idiots. At the end of the day, this is Test, the same guy that wasn’t over from 2001-2005, so they keep pushing him anyway. Nothing to see here and Dreamer was treated like a jobber the whole time of course, which is one of the few things they’ve gotten right.

Candace says her expose will be hot.

Kelly and Candance do a dance together. At least the song is different. Knox does his usual stop but Sandman pops up to hit him with the cane. My goodness it’s an actual story.

Ariel and Kevin Thorn are creepy.

Punk talks about how his tattoos tell a story. Seriously, get to him already. He’s WAY better than this.

Sabu vs. Justin Credible

Sabu was hyped up for the first half of the show so this should be a squash. Sabu goes straight at him and knocks Justin to the floor where he looks for a weapon. That goes badly for him as Sabu hits a flip dive to the floor. Slingshot legdrop gets two back in the ring. Sabu heads to the floor and loads up a broken table, which he puts Justin through after a brief fight for the DQ. Yeah a DQ in ECW. Next.

Balls Mahoney is a little bit nuts. His words not, mine.

Flair says he’ll win his 17th title tonight. Foley needs to grow some balls as well.

Shannon Moore (not named) is freaky looking.

ECW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Big Show

Extreme Rules again. Show throws him to the floor and we take a break. Back with Flair pounding away in the corner. Joey calls this historic. Not exactly the word I’d use but whatever. Show press slams him and Flair is busted open from something. Knowing him it was a stiff breeze. Flair tries chopping him but gets knocked down by one from Show. They head to the floor for another slugout, won by Show.

To keep up the tradition, Flair chops and punches but Show chops him down with one or two shots. Show measures him but Flair hits him low. Keeping with the tradition theme, Flair hits him low a second and third time. Make it four and Show is in trouble. Flair finds a barbed wire ball bat from somewhere and hits Show in the head with it before digging it into Show’s face.

Trashcan shot to the head staggers Show as does a chair to the chest and back. Show goes down but it only gets two. Flair busts out some tacks and knocks Show into them with about five chair shots to the head. That just ticks him off though so he pulls Flair into the chokeslam and a cobra clutch backbreaker. He keeps the clutch on for the knockout win. Show throws Flair into the tacks post match.

Rating: B-. I liked this a lot more than I was expecting to. Flair is still a master of making you believe that it could happen, which is what he did here. Also, notice that he puts Show over by making it look like Show shrugged off all that offense and won with ease. That’s hot you make someone look good, which Flair made a career out of.

Flair is helped out to end the show. That and replays ate up the last three minutes.

Overall Rating: C. I think this was the best show of the first batch of them, and that’s not saying much. The show was ok with the main event being a highlight, but it’s much better because the idea that this is the rebirth of ECW is forgotten now. Instead the ECW Title is the third WWE Title, making it a much easier show to book. The opening was weak as was the rest of the show other than the main event, but I really dug that match. Watchable show, but nothing great.

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Lockdown 2012
Date: April 15, 2012
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the second biggest show of the year for TNA as every match is inside a cage. The double main event is Roode vs. Storm for the title and Lethal Lockdown with Team Bischoff vs. Team Garrett in a match that no one really wants to see, even the big TNA fans. We also have Angle vs. Hardy in what should likely be Angle’s great match that he always has here. Let’s get to it.

Young/ODB vs. Rosita/Sarita has been added to the show.

The opening video is of Storm getting in a truck and saying that it ends tonight with Roode.

The regular opening video is a history of Beer Money and how they had a lot of success but they were never friends. This has a lot of audio clips from the showdown on Thursday which is a good thing.

Team Garrett has a meeting. Garrett wants to go first to earn his team’s respect. Great. MORE Garrett. The team agrees.

Lethal Lockdown

Team Eric: Eric Bischoff, Gunner, Bully Ray, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels
Team Garrett: Garrett Bischoff, AJ Styles, Mr. Anderson, Rob Van Dam, Austin Aries

I was worried this would close the show so this is a nice surprise. This is TNA’s WarGames match and if Garrett’s team loses, he’s out of TNA. If Eric’s team loses, he’s out and can’t use his name in wrestling again. Three minute opening period then two minutes for each one after that and Team Eric has the advantage. Gunner and Garrett start of course and it’s power vs. speed.

Garrett tries to avoid the power but after a missile dropkick, Gunner takes over by running him down. Into the corner and Gunner hits a running knee to the head. No pins or submissions until all ten are in remember. He rams Garrett into the steel and Bully Ray is out next for a two minute advantage. Gunner holds him for a running boot to the chest. This is pure dominance for about 90 seconds until Austin Aries is in fourth. The fans were cheering his name so they’re giving the people what they want.

Aries EXPLODES on Ray in the corner and gets in some shots on Gunner as well. At about a minute in he runs into a boot and Ray takes over. Garrett stays in the corner where he belongs as Aries, the actually good wrestler, does the work. A missile dropkick puts Ray down and Kazarian, with a nearly shaved head, is in next. The fans chant that he looks stupid and it’s a three on one beatdown of Garrett. Gunner chokes Aries as Kaz fires off kicks to the ribs of Garrett.

AJ evens things up as this is in classic WarGames formula already. Kaz tries to meet him coming in but AJ slams the door on his head. Pele takes Gunner down but Ray runs him over. Sweet dropkick takes Ray down and everyone pairs off. Here’s Daniels for another advantage. It’s 4-3 at the moment and Daniels gives Team Eric the big advantage. Ray pulls off his belt and Garrett takes a whipping.

Anderson is the fourth guy for his team so there’s just Eric and RVD to go. It’s the heel beatdown again but AJ manages a nice suplex on Ray. Now back to your regularly scheduled beatdown with thirty seconds to go before Eric comes in. Here’s Eric in business casual attire. He holds Garrett for a big chop from Ray and Gunner gets in one as well. Eric and Daniels talk trash as the clock counts down.

Here’s Van Dam and he cleans house. There hasn’t been a lot of that in this match so far. There hasn’t been much to commentate on because it’s been 17 minutes of punching and kicking so far. That’s what these matches usually are so it’s not a shock, but it’s still not that interesting. Eric hides in the corner and here come the weapons. The match basically resets here as everyone gets a weapon and Team Garrett takes over.

Daniels takes a bunch of weapon shots and Aries stomps away on Ray. Eric gets dragged in by AJ and Austin and the beating commences. Van Dam loads up the Five Star but Gunner crotches him. Ray lawn darts Aries into the cage but Anderson comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to Daniels. Kaz gets the spotlight now as he beats up everyone before focusing on AJ.

Kaz monkey bars across the top of the cage but AJ follows him and kicks him down. He drops an elbow down on Kazarian and RVD hits the Five Star. Ray takes Van Dam down but picks up a chair. YOU DON’T PICK UP A CHAIR IN A ROB VAN DAM MATCH! Van Daminator puts him down but Daniels pops up to take Van Dam out. Daniels goes after Garrett but Garrett hits his falling Diamond Cutter.

He covers Daniels but Eric grabs a kendo stick to pound away on him. Eric insults his own wife by calling Garrett an SOB and beats Garrett half to death. The fans want blood. Eric is the only one up at the moment. Garrett pops up and guitars Eric for the pin at 26:04 to get rid of Eric for I’d say three months or so. That was completely out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. This was probably the worst Lethal Lockdown I can ever remember. There was A LOT of punching and kicking and no big spot at all. Also the whole thing here was supposed to be about Garrett’s big comeback but really all he did was pop up after a bunch of kendo stick shots, hit Eric once and pin him. Naturally that probably means more TV time for Garrett because that’s what the fans are screaming for in Eric’s ears, but that’s life in TNA. Getting this out of the way first was a good idea though.

Tag Titles: Motorcity Machineguns vs. Magnus/Samoa Joe

The Guns have generic music to start but their regular theme starts during their walk to the ring. Methinks that was a glitch. You can win by pin, submission or escape for the rest of the matches. Magnus and Shelley start things off. Things speed way up to start and Magnus gets a clothesline for two. Sabin gets a blind tag and a pair of kicks get two. Off to Joe who is too fat for Sabin to run over.

A crucifix into a sunset flip doesn’t really work either so let’s try a dropkick. That at least slows Joe down and it’s off to Shelley. Back to Magnus who gets caught in a pinball series of punches. Magnus comes back and manages a fallaway slam to throw Sabin into Shelley in a cool spot. Back to Joe who pounds Sabin down to give us a face in peril. I think he’s in peril to another face but you get the idea.

The champions double team Sabin to keep him in the ring including a big boot to set up a backsplash for two. Magnus hooks a chinlock but Chris comes back with a jawbreaker to get out. A spinning spinebuster puts Sabin right back down and it’s off to Joe again. Snap suplex gets two. Sabin grabs a tornado DDT while climbing up Magnus and is able to make the tag. Shelley comes in but even that doesn’t wake this crowd up.

Sliced Bread is broken up but Sabin powerbombs Joe out of the corner. Magnus is knocked off the top and a top rope double stomp gets two for Shelley. A move I think called the elevated Hero’s Welcome gets two on Magnus. Skull and Bones is broken up and Sabin is caught in the Clutch. Sliced Bread hits Magnus and Joe has to break up the choke to make the save. The champions’ finisher misses so Sabin hooks up a rear naked choke on Joe. Magnus hits a kind of Michinoku Driver on Shelley and Joe runs out of the corner, dropping Sabin on Shelley. The snapmare/elbow gets the pin on Shelley at 11:19.

Rating: B-. This started really slow but once they stopped the tagging it got a lot more exciting. I definitely agree with the champions retaining here as there’s nothing for the Guns to do in this division anymore. Having them as something like Beer Money for the last year they were together would be a much better spot for them which is something they could do now.

Robbie E says he’ll get the TV Title back. Why didn’t this go after Lethal Lockdown to save the crowd a bit?

TV Title: D-Von vs. Robbie E

D-Von rams Robbie into bigger Rob to start. Robbie takes him down and stomps a lot, followed by a middle rope forearm for two. Time for the chinlock for a bit before Robbie goes to the top rope (yes rope, not corner), only to get crotched. D-Von comes back with a shoulder block and Miz’s Reality Check. Corner splash sets up the spinebuster to retain at 3:26.

Rating: D+. I get the idea of filler, but it’s still D-Von Freaking Dudley with a title. I could definitely see Ray having a belt at this point as he’s elevated his game huge, but D-Von is so average it’s unreal. He’s huge and has gotten in great shape, but how many other people would be better with the title? In short, no one because it’s never defended so it doesn’t really matter, which is the much bigger part of the problem.

Robbie T beats down D-Von post match, probably to continue the feud.

Matt Morgan says that he’s in wrestling to make money and win titles. Tonight, it’s about revenge though and the cage is a prison cell.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

No pigeons again and Tazz is upset. Her outfit is different this week as it’s more like a skirt. Madison comes out with Gail. Velvet grabs a fast rollup for two but Gail hits her in the back to take over. Velvet fires off some shots but Gail knocks her back, hitting a missile dropkick for two. More back work in the form of a backbreaker with the bending over the knee by Gail before she moves on to a knee lock, bending it around her own head.

Gail hooks something like a dragon sleeper which is countered by a jawbreaker. She misses a charge in the corner but Velvet is down too. Flying headscissors puts Gail down but she pops up to try and climb out. Velvet follows her up for some knees on the top rope. She looks for In Yo Face but settles for a sunset bomb for two instead. Madison starts yelling at Velvet as Gail tries to escape. Sky notices and tries an O’Connor Roll which is reversed into a rollup by Gail with tights for the pin at 7:27.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match ever but they’re not doing anything to help this already bad crowd. Gail keeps the title here, which I can live with because there was very little build for Velvet, but they need someone to breathe some life into this division. Gail and Madison has been played but it didn’t get mentioned at all here for the most part.

Here’s Flair for some chatting. If anyone can get a crowd fired up it’s him. Flair asks if the people know who he is and insults some fans at ringside for not knowing who he is. I think he’s drunk. He’s ticked off and that’s not good for who he’s ticked off at, and that would be Hogan. Tonight Hogan ended Eric Bischoff’s career and that’s not cool. He insults some fat guy in a yellow t-shirt and here’s Hulk.

Flair talks over Hulk’s music about how Hogan has ticked him off and there’s a good Hogan chant, the first solid crowd reaction in about an hour. Hulk asks if he can get in Flair’s ring and Flair says that’s fine. Ric sounds very drunk. Hulk says if Flair has a grievance, say it now. This is pure filler in case you couldn’t tell. Hogan says Flair asked if people knew who he was. He’s at Lethal Lockdown (is that match still going?) and here at Lockdown, Eric Bischoff is gone and can’t use his name again.

Hogan challenges Flair to a fight right now and that REALLY ticks Flair off. Hulk drills him and makes a funny face at him….and that’s it. Seriously, it was one punch. Flair says come back here and takes his tie off. Hogan leaves and Flair yells at Tenay. This has been going on WAY too long and it’s not accomplishing anything at all. The fans chant Space Mountain and Flair asks if someone wants to ride it….and that’s it.

We recap Crimson vs. Morgan which is pretty much Morgan’s feud with Abyss and Hernandez all over again.

Crimson vs. Matt Morgan

Crimson is now billed as “The Undefeated” on his graphic. Crimson goes for the door very quickly but Morgan keeps pulling him back in. Morgan walks into a clothesline for two as momentum shifts. Crimson rams him into the cage as the crowd is a little more awake now. He chokes Morgan on the ropes and a spinebuster gets two.

Crimson sets for what looked like the spear but walks into the discus lariat. Big boot puts Crimson down and it’s followed by a nice belly to back suplex. Morgan loads up the Carbon Footprint in the corner but gets tangled in the ropes. Crimson tries a quick escape but they wind up fighting on the top rope. Morgan gets crotched and tied up in the rope, allowing Crimson to climb out for the win at 7:26.

Rating: D. You know, if the time is such a problem tonight, maybe you could have this go a few more minutes and have the TV Title go longer than three minutes. It might keep the issues down a bit more. Anyway, this match was really boring as the feud has been put on hold for the last two weeks. This show is bordering on disaster at this point but there are some big matches to come.

We recap Angle vs. Hardy, which is because of Kurt not liking the way Hardy looks and acts, partially because of Angle’s son being a Hardy fan. Angle cheated to win last time at Victory Road.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Angle said that he and Hardy could match HHH vs. Undertaker here and he’s had a great track record at this show so hopefully he continues that here. Hardy’s paint is black and white here. There’s this, the world title and the Knockout Tag Titles left so the show still has a small chance. Angle’s thigh is taped due to a legit injury. Kurt pounds him in the corner to start but Jeff comes back with the legdrop between the legs.

They’re going very slowly here but it might be a slow build. Jeff whips him into the corner and hits the slingshot dropkick but he’s holding his neck. Jeff seems to be ok though and he pounds Angle down in the corner. Kurt slams him into the cage which had a great sound. Snap suplex gets two. Back into the cage as it’s pretty clear Kurt is nowhere near 100%. It looks like Jeff is busted a bit but you can’t see that well.

Kurt rams him into the cage again and walks around a lot. Oh yeah Jeff is busted. Jeff comes back with a clothesline and both guys are down. Things speed up again and Jeff comes back with some forearms. Whisper in the Wind gets two. Twisting Stunner puts Kurt down and he loads up the Swanton, but Angle runs the corner and hits a GREAT Angle Slam out of the corner for a close two. Kurt goes for the door but Jeff dives for the leg. Angle pounds on his head and goes for the climb over but Jeff pulls him back. Now Jeff goes up and knocks Kurt back, hitting a standing top rope Vader Bomb for two.

Both guys are down again and it’s Hardy up first. He goes for the door but Kurt grabs the ankle and puts on the ankle lock. Jeff counters into the ankle lock on Angle (on the good leg) but Kurt rolls out. Twist of Fate puts Angle down and Jeff goes for the corner. Swanton connects but he goes up again and hits a second one which gets two. Kurt pulls him head first into the cage and the Angle Slam gets two. Hardy counters the Slam into one of his own before going all the way to the top of the cage for a super Swanton for the pin at 14:48.

Rating: B+. While it’s not as good as Kurt’s other matches, this was a HUGE step up over what the rest of this show has been. I don’t ever remember my heart being in my throat for a spot more than that Swanton though as I thought he was going to kill himself. Angle’s injury slowed this a lot but it was still a very good match and a major help that this show needed.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Rosita/Sarita

Eric and ODB have hockey jerseys on. ODB charges in to jump Sarita and Eric doesn’t know what corner to go to. Isn’t this where Eric is billed from? It’s a comedy match of course with Eric thinking he’s referee, which causes ODB to get in trouble. The girls keep trying to seduce Eric as they work over ODB. ODB comes back, spears Sarita and hits the Bam on Rosita for the pin to retain at 4:17.

Rating: D. Was Eric ever legally in? This was a comedy match to bring the crowd down a bit before the main event. There’s not much else to say here other than the girls minus ODB looked good and Eric is still not that funny. This served its purpose well enough though so points for that.

The announcers talk about the main event for awhile.

Roode says tonight is a fight, not a wrestling match. He’s out for blood and they hate each other. Some idiot fan tried an ECW chant during this.

We recap the main event. It’s another excellent package with Roode talking about how he’s the champion and he’ll do anything to win and Storm talking about how it took ten years to get to this moment.

TNA World Title: James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

Storm drives a truck into the arena. He has something resembling the AMW trenchcoat but it’s not quite the same. Storm jumps him on the floor before the bell rings and takes the fight to him. He rams Roode into the cage and drops an elbow from a table. The bell hasn’t rung yet and they have over half an hour. Storm blocks a cage shot and they fight up the entrance. All Storm so far.

Storm swings a chair at the cage but misses, allowing Roode to hit a clothesline to the back of the head to drive Storm’s head into the steel. Roode gets a beer bottle and Storm is busted. The beer is put on the steps as Roode hammers away. Montgomery Gentry and Storm’s wife are here. They go into the cage and there’s the bell. Roode is in full control and rams Storm into the cage again.

Roode yells a lot and the crowd is quiet enough that you can hear most of it. Suplex and knee drop get two. That cut is opening more and more. Storm Hulks Up and wins a slugout but a running elbow takes him right back down. Storm gets a boot up in the corner but Roode takes him down with a big clothesline for two. Roode does the cheese grater spot on the cage and the tape on Storm’s wrists are all covered in blood.

Roode is still shouting in Storm’s face and has Storm’s blood on his face. We cut to Storm’s wife and she looks as interested as parents when their kid isn’t on stage in a third grade school play. Storm comes back with a bunch of punches and clotheslines. Here’s the Eye of the Storm but Roode escapes. A catapult sends Roode into the cage and the Eye of the Storm gets two.

James walks into a spinebuster for two. Roode is busted also. Closing Time (Codebreaker/Backstabber combo) gets two. Now Roode gets the cheese grater treatment. Roode ducks a dive and Storm eats cage, allowing Roode to hook the Crossface. Storm manages to roll to the ropes but both guys are spent. They go to the corner and Storm fights out of a superplex but gets his head rammed into the cage.

Roode climbs on Storm to try to get out and he kicks Storm down to the mat. Storm climbs up and gets Roode dangling on the top of the cage. He’s back in now and they slug it out on the top rope some more. Storm pulls him down and loads up the Last Call but it hits the referee flush on the jaw.

Roode takes him down and has the door wide open but he wants the beer bottle. He busts it over Storm’s head and demands that Hebner come in for the cover but it only gets two. Instead of sprinting out the door, Roode walks into the Last Call but Storm can’t follow up. Storm superkicks Roode out the door, AND HE KEEPS THE TITLE at 17:39.

Rating: B. This company amazes me. If there was EVER, I mean EVER, a more perfect setup than this, I’d love to see it because this was as perfect as you could get and they go the other way. On top of that, they do it TONIGHT, with the crowd being as uninterested as they’ve ever been. The match was great, the ending…..oh dear.

Storm hugs his wife to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The first half of this show was dreadful, ranking up there with some of the worst shows I’ve ever seen. Angle vs. Hardy breathed life into it and the Knockout Tag was as good as it was going to be. The main event was going strong and then they completely deflate the place (ok it was deflated already) with the ending. This was the perfect place to end Roode’s reign, but instead they swerve us just like at Bound For Glory. I get the idea of a surprise, but there are times where you go with the obvious. This was one of them.

Results
Team Garrett Bischoff b. Team Eric Bischoff – Garrett pinned Eric after a guitar shot
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Motorcity Machineguns – Middle Rope Elbow to Shelley
D-Von b. Robbie E – Spinebuster
Gail Kim b. Velvet Sky – Rollup with a handful of tights
Crimson b. Matt Morgan – Crimson escaped the cage
Jeff Hardy b. Kurt Angle – Swanton off the top of the cage
ODB/Eric Young b. Sarita/Rosita – The Bam to Rosita
Bobby Roode b. James Storm – Storm superkicked Roode out of the cage

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ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: July 4, 2006
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

I remember this day very well because I was dragged to a free country music concert downtown which was supposed to feature 9 acts. Due to the hardest rain storm I’ve ever seen, that wound up being 2. This show was actually a standalone ECW show, as in Smackdown was taped the Monday before but this was just ECW. The result: 1,500 people in a place that holds ten times that much (Survivor Series later that year got 15,400). It’s the old Main Event deal where it’s a full show but only the last few matches make the broadcast. This is a major overhaul in ECW’s show which is very interesting so let’s get to it.

Heyman and RVD are in the back with Heyman trying to get RVD on his side in something not important enough to explain. Big Show comes in and DEMANDS a title match tonight. No answer yet but it wouldn’t be ECW without some potentially big match being hotshotted right?

Theme song.

Time for Kelly’s Salute To America Expose, which is the usual thing (same song third week in a row too) in front of a bunch of flags. This would be light years better with Layla or the Bellas, who can actually dance a bit, or a lot in Layla’s case. And here’s Mike Knox for the save.

Mike Knox vs. Little Guido

Knox says Kelly is his so we don’t get to see her. The fans chant at him as they should. Guido jumps him to the pop of the night. He hits a dropkick to the side of the head but a second attempt misses, allowing Knox to take over. The fans want pizza and think Knox can’t wrestle. Knox goes into an EXTREME series of bodyslams as the fans think this is boring. Guido tries to get something going but gets his head kicked off and the spinning downward spiral ends this.

Rating: F. This match, if it wasn’t already, proves that ECW is dead. Guido was a big deal (kind of) in ECW, but here he’s a jobber. You know, like everyone that isn’t one of the top ECW guys. And to Mike Knox? The most generic of generic big men ever? They were going off on him here. Imagine what he would have gotten in the ECW Arena. But this is the new ECW, where the fans mean nothing and the ECW Originals are a stable 8 months from now.

RVD tells Heyman that it’s cool. Ok then.

Back in the arena a bald guy jumps the guardrail and grabs the mic. The guy is wearing what appears to be a priest’s outfit. He says this is his first ECW show and he’s disgusted by the sex, violence and language. This form of entertainment shouldn’t exist and if you enjoy it you’re a sinner, which gets the biggest pop of the night. Oh and he’s not a priest. He just wore it to get our attention. Yeah because WHO WOULD WANT A CHARACTER AGAINST EVERYTHING ECW IS FOR??? Sandman comes out and beats him up, meaning we’ll never see the priest again. I’m so glad this was included. It enhanced so much.

RVD slaps Big Show, accepting his challenge. It’ll be Extreme Rules.

Video on Test. He’s coming soon.

Test vs. Al Snow

Very soon it seems. Yeah it’s Test, one of the guys that got close to being over once and then never meant a single thing again. He’s one of the guys that’s supposed to represent ECW. The crowd things Test takes steroids. Big boot and a TKO end this.

Video on Sabu, who TALKS, and says he won’t be silent anymore. I was wrong. THIS is where they clearly didn’t get it.

We see some tattoos and hear a voice saying that he’s straightedge. He doesn’t do drugs, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke. His addiction is wrestling. His rush is competition. His name is CM Punk. Another sign that WWE clearly had no intention of this being ECW: Punk is the antithesis of everything ECW was about, so naturally he’s a face.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

This is just after RVD lost the WWE Title due to the drug arrest, so there’s about zero doubt as to who wins here. We get big match intros and this is under Extreme Rules. Show chases him into the corner but Rob comes back with kicks to the legs. The fans hate Show here as you would expect. A headbutt puts Van Dam on the floor and he gets crotched while trying his kick from the barricade.

You know it’s amazing: Joey, the free thinking announcer that went to ECW because he was tired of being a WWE announcer, uses the EXACT same lines about Big Show (you have to see him live, hands like skillets etc) that the WWE announcers use. Pure coincidence of course, because Joey Styles is different and WWE would never tell him what to say, which is why we need to bring him back right? He just goes renegade every night and says whatever he thinks. Van Dam gets in a kick and the spinning kick to the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Rob in trouble but he manages the springboard kick out of the corner. Not that it matters as he gets crotched and superplexed for two. The walking legdrop gets two. The fans are trying to be an ECW crowd but they’re in the wrong arena to do that. Show drops an EXTREME elbow for two as the fans chant marijuana. A bearhug goes on and the fans totally turn on the match. It gets even worse as Show lays down on the mat while still holding it.

Show follows that up with a backbreaker, bending Rob over his knee afterwards. There hasn’t been anything EXTREME in this match so far either. That stip has been completely worthless. Show tries a chokeslam but Rob counters into a DDT. Rolling Thunder gets two. He tries the top rope kick but Show catches him with ease and throws him to the floor. Show tries the steps but gets his knee kicked out and his head hits the steps.

A top rope dive is caught again and Show keeps control to make sure the crowd doesn’t get interested. Rob grabs a chair but it gets swatted away and the chokeslam gets two. There goes the referee and Show loads up a powerbomb. Rob grabs the chair though and pops him with the chair, ala HHH vs. Undertaker at Mania X7. Van Daminator sets up the Five Star but there’s no referee. Here’s Heyman ala One Night Stand but instead he turns heel and joins Big Show. Chokeslam changes the title as it’s Survivor Series 2002 all over again. That belt looks like a toy on Show.

Rating: D-. Not only was it stupid, but the match wasn’t even that good. If ECW wasn’t dead already, this ended it. To begin with, it’s a special match now that it’s Extreme, even though that’s the name of the company. Second, this was a WWE main event style match, but Big Show was the weakest main event guy in the company so no one was interested. Third, it’s another corrupt authority figure, which is WWE Booking 101. Bad match to end a horrible show.

Overall Rating: E. As in ECW is Dead. The company was done back in 2001 but for one night (in 2005), it was around again. The TV show was never going to be ECW, which is clear here for all the reasons I gave earlier. The Originals would be jobbers forever and the big muscleheads like Knox and Test and eventually Lashley would become the focus, which no one wanted to see. If this new show had been called ANYTHING but ECW, it wouldn’t be nearly as reviled as it is. Even if we ignore the name though, the show’s biggest problem is that it’s not that good. This is a really boring series and it needs to change a lot, which it would.

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@kbreviews

There won’t be anything on there other than links to the reviews, but apparently this is a good idea. We’ll see.

KB

Not sure if it’s working yet but eventually it’ll be @kbreviews. The full title was too long I guess.

I’ll let you know if it’s working.

KB

Sin
Date: January 18, 2001
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 6,617
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson

Another month into WCW here and this time it’s one of the more infamous endings. This is the fatal fourway for the title with Sid vs. Steiner vs. Jarrett vs. a mystery man. The ending is famous for one of the sickest botches and injuries of all time. Other than that it’s mainly a bunch of Starrcade rematches so let’s get to it.

The opening video lists off the seven deadly sins with various clips of various people. Simple but at least it fits the name, even if the name makes no sense.

Shane doesn’t want Shannon to come to the ring with him.

Cruiserweight Title: Shane Helms vs. Chavo Guerrero

If you remember last month 3 Count both won a title shot. The next night they had a match to determine who won the title shot, which is here. Chavo is relatively freshly heel here and totally awesome. Crowd is hot as they have a crisp technical sequence with Chavo grabbing a full nelson for a few seconds. Chavo chops away and in a NICE nod to history, Shane counters with armdrags. Flair vs. Stemboat anyone?

Shane gets an F5 into a facebuster but Chavo manages a clothesline to send him to the floor. After a brief skirmish on the floor Shane kind of botches a sunset flip but recovers fast enough that it’s easily forgotten, still getting two. Chavo goes low as this is a very fast paced match. Sweet dropkick by Chavo gets two and we hit the chinlock. This is a bit different as they’ve been going strong about five minutes and they needed a 20 second rest. Nothing wrong with that.

Atomic drop by Shane reverses and a neckbreaker puts Chavo down. Shane covers just before the ten count but gets two. Crowd is hot for this. X Plex (German with the arms crossed in front of Chavo) gets two. Shane charges at him in the corner but Chavo sends him to the floor. BIG dive by Chavo takes Helms out on the floor and we go back into the ring.

Chavo gets thrown to the floor and Shane hits his own big old dive to take Chavo down. Chavo’s was better but still that was great. Sunset flip gets two for Shane as does a Samoan Drop. He calls for the Vertebreaker but Chavo reverses. Shane reverses the reversal into the Nightmare on Helm Street (spinning reverse DDT. Look it up as it’s hard to describe) for a LONG two. Tornado DDT is blocked but Chavo reverses another Nightmare on Helm Street into a brainbuster to get the pin and keep the title.

Rating: A-. GREAT match here with both guys moving incredibly well and the crowd responding to every single thing. This is exactly the right thing to do for the opener with the match being fast paced and full of the right amount of spots and counters. Like I said, Chavo was awesome at this point and this was even more proof of that. Excellent match here and worth watching.

And now let’s watch it go downhill from here.

Earlier today Tenay was trying to find out who the mystery man was so he asked Flair. I’d love for someone to just say the surprise to catch everyone off guard for once.

Vito is facing Reno here and has Johnny the Bull with him again, although Johnny can’t be at ringside.

Reno vs. Big Vito

Revenge match here after Reno revealed that he was the guy that was paying Kronik to take out Vito so he could rejoin the Thrillers instead of just you know, taking out Vito and rejoining the Thrillers. They stare each other down and the fight is on. Reno takes over with a powerslam to start and Vito kind of looks weak. Oh and they’re brothers apparently.

They head to the floor for a bit before heading back in and slugging it out. The crowd is staying white hot and already has made more noise than at all of Starrcade combined. Superplex gets two for Vito. Enziguri to the shoulder can’t put Reno down but a belly to back does for no cover. Out to the floor with Reno in control. They are laying into each other here.

Back in now and Reno drops an elbow. Tony talks about the brothers being in high school for some reason as the crowd is popping for clotheslines. Think about that for a minute. Vito grabs a sunset flip for two. Big boot to the head/superkick by Vito puts Reno down and they’re both down. Vito hammers away and here’s the comeback.

Belly to belly sets up a top rope elbow for two. Bad elbow but he tried at least. Reno fights back but can’t Roll the Dice. Suplex gets two for Vito. Spinning DDT fails for Vito so he settles for a T-Bone. I’ll have a round steak if you have one. Out of nowhere Reno reverses a suplex and gets the Roll the Dice for the pin. Another fast paced and decent match, probably a record for WCW post 1999.

Rating: C+. This is a fine example of a match where working hard and having intensity can make up for average in ring work. They were HAMMERING each other out there and while the match was sloppy at times the fans were into it and even I got into it a bit. That’s a great sign and the match was good as a result. We’re half an hour in and I’m rather impressed so far.

Mike Sanders pays off Brian Adams of Kronik but Brian Clark comes up with a better payoff so Adams says let’s take that one. He keeps Sanders’ money anyway of course.

Jung Dragons vs. Noble/Karagis

Told you they would never go anywhere. Noble/Karagis have been having problems apparently. Evan and Kaz starts us off and of course it’s full speed ahead. Kaz cleans house and the Dragons rule the ring. Stereo moonsaults take the non-reptiles out as Leia Meow is happy. Noble and Kaz go to the floor and Noble may have hurt his knee.

Things finally get down into a regular tag match with Noble and Karagis hitting a leg drop/side slam combination for two. Karagis gets two off a World’s Strongest Slam. Noble hammers on Kaz a bit more including something like a cross body for two. Noble is moving insanely fast out there. Apparently he does something called a Singapore. It looked like an elbow to me.

Karagis comes in and gets a nice gorilla press into a spinning spinebuster for two. Cool looking move there. Powerslam sets up a horrible looking attempt at a Lionsault and both guys are down after the miss. He would have hit Kaz in the toes or so if he was lucky. Kaz tries to get the hot tag but Noble drills him as he heads for the corner. Sunset flip attempt by Noble but Kaz rolls through and DRILLS Noble with a kick to the head. That looked sick.

There’s the hot tag and Yang cleans house, getting a dragon screw leg whip and a reverse figure four to Noble. The hold is broken up by Karagis and the big brawl is on. Knoble gets a German for two on Yang and Karagis gets a HUGE dive to take Kaz out on the floor.
Knoble tries a rana from the middle rope but Yang reverses into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Evan goes up and hits a SWEET 450 for two on Yang. Kaz gets a slingshot DDT for two as does Knoble with a tombstone. Yang tries a twisting moonsault which misses completely. After all that, Yang grabs a small package to get the pin on Knoble. AWESOME match to say the least.

Rating: A-. Is it possible that a WCW PPV is one of the best shows I’ve seen in a very long time? We’re only about 45 minutes into it though which is what scares me. Anyway, this was a great fast paced tag match with everyone moving in there and giving us a hot ending where you kept wondering who would wind up getting the pin. Great stuff.

Buff Bagwell and Lex Luger show up in an old purple car. I mean from like the 30s. They say they might have someone run in for a DQ so that Goldberg will lose.

Mike Sanders vs. Ernest Miller

The winner is Commissioner. Sanders says he’s in this for the money and that Ms. Jones is on the line here. WCW: pushing sexual slavery all the way to 2001! At least Jones looks good. For the life of me I have never gotten the appeal of the Cat. He says he’s going to be Commissioner and take WCW all the way to the top. I’ve got nothing for that one. Somebody call his mama. How did they never have her show up?

After a quick fan applause contest won by Miller we’re ready for the match. Cat starts in control and chases Sanders to the floor, only to get drilled by Sanders on the return to the ring. Cat gets a kick to take him down and hammers away. Does this guy know how to do anything but strikes? Sanders gets a snap mare and kicks him in the head. A sunset flip is countered by a crotch chop and an elbow from Miller.

Big kick (yes we get it you can kick him) by Miller puts Sanders down but he manages to send Cat to the floor. Chair shot is broken up by Jones which is stupid because Sanders would have lost if he had hit Cat. Jones chases him with the chair as the Thrillers come down for the big beating. Kronik makes the save and somehow the referee DOESN’T SEE ANY OF THIS, despite being in the ring the whole time. Adams shoves the money in Sanders’ mouth as he channels his inner DiBiase before a big kick to Sanders from Cat ends this, making Miller commissioner again.

Rating: D. Boring match for another authority position which means I have to watch more of Miller. I’m not complaining about seeing Jones dance but at the same time, Miller is annoying beyond belief. Weak match and what a shock: the bigger the names get, the worse the show gets.

Flair and Goldberg watch the Bagwell/Luger arrival from earlier. Flair, the other authority figure makes it No DQ and introduces Goldberg to a friend of his and the friend’s son. No angle or anything to it. Just a fan that wants an autograph and a picture which he gets.

Gene is with Jarrett who says he’ll win the title again and will send Gene back to the retirement home if he keeps implying that Jarrett will turn on Steiner. He’s supposed to sound defensive here.

Team Canada vs. Filthy Animals

Team Canada is Elix Skipper, Mike Awesome (Yes he made a heel turn since the last show) and Lance Storm. The Animals are Konnan, Mysterio and Kidman. This is a Penalty Box match where the guest referee, Jim Duggan, can throw the people in a penalty box if they break a rule. The Canadians come out in a bus for no apparent reason. Oh and Duggan isn’t part of Team Canada anymore, I guess due to the beatdown last month.

Storm talks about Duggan being in the Animals’ back pocket which doesn’t sit well with the Hall of Famer. There’s no time limit given on the penalties so it’s a bit complicated. Duggan looks old. This is an old WCCW stronghold so you can tell they’re running out of ideas. Storm vs. Mysterio to start. Rey starts out flying around as it’s weird to see Storm being the bigger and stronger of the two.

Skipper and Awesome interfere a bit and are sent to the box almost immediately. Apparently it’s 3-1 for one minute. Tony makes a bunch of hockey references which most American fans won’t care about. Konnan powerbombs Rey onto Storm as the box is emptied out. Good thing the advantage meant nothing at all. Rey gets a falling splash and it’s off to Kidman.

Kidman vs. Skipper now as Awesome is sent into the box again. Make that Storm as well. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be the norm for this match? Konnan throws on some hold as they keep tagging in and out. The announcers are making it sound like the only chance the Animals have is when the Canadians are in the box. Back to full strength as Skipper easily out moves Konnan.

Matrix move is easily blocked by simply grabbing a reverse DDT out of it. The Canadians don’t like to tag for some reason. Off to Awesome and I’ll bet money on Storm and Skipper being sent to the box within a minute. Backbreaker gets two for Awesome. Major Gunns and Tygress argue on the floor and Duggan yells at them. Rey tries to cheat but is sent to the box for two minutes as is Kidman.

Powerslam by Awesome gets two. Tygress sprays Gunns with water or oil or something and they go at it. Only Gunns goes to the box though. Ah there goes Tygress too. Skipper drops a springboard leg drop on Konnan as we hit the chinlock. Yes because with a 3-1 advantage it’s the right idea to put a chinlock on. Awesome comes off the top with a clothesline as he comes in.

The box empties out as this is getting rather stupid. Off to Storm who walks into an X-Factor but Konnan is spent from doing two moves so he takes a little nap. Off to Kidman who comes in on fire. Well not literally but you get the concept. We hit the floor and everything breaks down.

Awesome has scissors and tries to give Kidman a haircut for no apparent reason and is sent to the box. Bronco Buster to Storm from both Rey and Tygress. She goes to the box as Storm gets a forearm to Rey, only to get caught in the ropes and hit by a leg drop. Off to Kidman who gets the Unprettier for two. The box empties though and Awesome hits an Awesome Bomb to Rey as Storm puts the Maple Leaf on Kidman for the tap out.

Rating: D+. Total and complete mess here with the rules seemingly added on for the sake of adding rules on. It didn’t help the match or anything but they did it anyway. Not much of a match as it was just a six man with extended faces/heels in peril spots. This feud went on more or less until the end of the company.

The Thrillers say they’ll get the titles back from the Insiders.

The Insiders are getting ready.

We recap the Hardcore Title feud which more or less is Funk is champion, he likes Crowbar who wants to take over and Meng is just a monster that wants the title.

Hardcore Title: Crowbar vs. Terry Funk vs. Meng

Meng has the title itself but Funk is champion. Daffney tries to jump Funk which of course fails. Crowbar, no longer a seventies guy (that would be Funk) jumps Funk and the brawl starts sans Meng. They head to the back into the ladies room. Standard bathroom fight as Crowbar is slammed into every stall. Meng is nowhere to be seen here. Ah there he is.

He throws a plastic trashcan over Funk and hammers on it a bit. They head back into the arena and Funk pelts a trashcan at Meng’s head. They double team him for a bit before Funk realizes that makes too much sense so he beats up Crowbar. Luckily there happens to be about six tables stacked up against a wall. WE FOUND THE SOURCE!!!!! Crowbar hits Funk with a laptop as Hudson says Crowbar wants the Cruiserweight Title back.

Crowbar climbs into the crowd and dives on Funk on a table which the camera completely misses. Why do they miss it? Because they accidentally cut to the ring crew fixing the ring ropes. And people wonder why this company went out of business. This is what replay is for I guess as we get to see the Boom Drop for lack of a better term.

Meng pops up to him Crowbar with a trashcan again and take over one more time. They head to the stage with Crowbar hammering away to no effect. Side kick sends Crowbar sprawling down the ramp. Funk gets a snow shovel from somewhere and pops Meng with it to send him down. That’s a rarity. Funk slams Crowbar through the railing which literally almost snaps in half. Good thing WCW upgraded to the barriers made of cotton candy.

Funk and Crowbar go to the ring where Funk takes some chair shots to the knees and gets Pillmanized. Well kind of at least. Funk of course is on his feet seconds later and hammers away. Meng is back now and Crowbar puts a figure four on despite Meng hammering on him. Meng goes up top and crushes Crowbar with a splash. That looked awesome. Piledriver gets two as Funk saves.

Meng hammers away and slams Funk before a middle rope splash gets two. Funk and Crowbar hit Meng literally about 18 times with chairs to take him down. The head shots don’t work as well due to the afro but they’re trying at least. Funk gets Meng in position for a DDT but Crowbar blasts him with a chair. Kick takes Crowbar down and the Tongan Death Grip gives Meng the title. He would be in the Royal Rumble a week later.

Rating: C. This got a lot better after the first five minutes or so. Meng as a total monster is a fun character. That’s probably why WWF signed him to a guaranteed deal a day or so after this while WCW was doing a pay per appearance kind of thing and thought there was nothing wrong with putting a title on him (his first actually). Meng would be in the Rumble seven days later as a surprising appearance and kind of as a big SCREW YOU to Bischoff as the Hardcore Division in WCW died with the title never being mentioned again other than I think once on Thunder.

Flair congratulates Miller for winning and says take the night off with caviar and champagne. Miller would prefer neckbone and collard greens. Flair says cool. This might be the most pointless segment I’ve ever seen.

Sid says he’ll win the title back tonight.

We recap the Thrillers vs. the Insiders. The Thrillers, in this case all of them, won a tag team battle royal to get the show.

Tag Titles: Chuck Palumbo/Sean O’Haire vs. The Insiders

Page and Nash are the Insiders and Nash used to coach the Thrillers. Speaking of the Thrillers the rest come out as backup. Sanders has all six Thrillers get in and says that he’s the coach so he’s going to make substitutions when he wants to. Flair comes out and says no. The Thrillers are sent to the back and we’re ready to go. Page and Palumbo start us off.

They spit at each other and slug it out with Page sending Chucky flying. Spinning Rock Bottom gets two. Page clears the ring and gets Palumbo again. And never mind as he tags in Nash to a decent pop. Off to O’Haire who is easily taken down. Nash misses some elbows but a big boot sends Sean to the mat. O’Haire escapes the onslaught and takes Nash down with a superkick.

Palumbo hammers away as I’m glad they upgraded Stasiak to O’Haire. Palumbo beats Nash down which is rather surprising. The former Vinnie Vegas fights out of that with relative ease and Snake Eyes put Palumbo down. Page comes in with a Kane-esque top rope clothesline. Palumbo gets another kick (running theme in this match) to send Page down for two.

Hudson says that was on instinct. It’s instinct to raise your arm when anyone counts to two? That might be a sign you watch too much wrestling. The Thrillers get a double slingshot suplex to Page for two. Page keeps getting close but he can’t bring in Nash. Palumbo keeps taunting Nash but Page fights out of the corner, just like he did last time. Palumbo tries a tombstone which is reversed into one by Page.

Hot tag to Nash and he cleans house. It’s weird seeing him move at more than an hour a year. There go the straps but here come the Thrillers. Of all people, Lex Luger comes through the crowd with a chair. He gets taken down anyway and Page chases Luger into the crowd. Nash tries to powerbomb O’Haire but Bagwell comes in with a wrench to the back of Nash. Seanton Bomb gives the Thrillers the title.

Rating: D+. This was a lot weaker than last month and the heel run in made no sense at all. Was Flair off hitting on some fitness model or something? The ending makes no sense but then again this is the show where that’s the norm. Weak match that was there to set up another angle and change the titles yet again. Moving on.

The Thrillers celebrate in the back.

Flair says it’s Showtime and gets in a car, apparently to go get the Mystery Man. I guess they were hinting at Sting there because they’re not that intelligent.

We recap Rection vs. Douglas which is just a feud where Douglas uses a chain a lot to cheat.

US Title: General Rection vs. Shane Douglas

This is a first blood chain match. Douglas says nothing of note. The chain is above the ring like in a ladder match. Douglas says this is about getting a world title shot. Then he says it’s about a woman. He doesn’t say anything about the US Title but I guess that’s implied. Ok so this is a first blood match and the chain is the only way to bust someone open I guess.

The referee checks for hidden chains on Douglas and actually finds one. Slugout to start with Morrus grabbing a knuckle lock to take over. Arm drag by Douglas as Rection demands that the referee ask him for a submission in an armbar. You know, because that makes sense. The fans want blood so Morrus finally realizes he’s in a first blood match and pounds away on the head.

Douglas fights back a bit but gets caught by a top rope clothesline to put him back down. This is just a match so far with very little emphasis on drawing blood. Shane stomps away and works on the knee. Figure four by Shane who I’m sure will blame Flair for the lack of psychology here. They go out to the floor which at least makes sense and head into the crowd.

After some punches by Shane and a shot to the railing by Rection we head back into the ringside area. Shane uses the figure four on the post but can’t get the leg up that far at all and pushed down on it with his head. Dude, you’re too lazy to throw a leg up there? Seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY?

Back in and Morrus manages a gorilla press because he’s just fine now. He hits the floor and pulls out a ladder which allows Tony to point out the obvious: HIT HIM WITH THE LADDER TO MAKE HIM BLEED!!! I mean dude how hard is that? He gets the chain but the ladder is shoved down to hit the referee. Shane pulls out another chain and busts Rection open with it for the win.

Rating: F. A first blood match was 11 minutes long and had a total of one shot to set up the blood. I mean dude, how hard could this possibly be? Apparently it was too hard for these idiots to figure out as they managed to screw it up. Terribly dull match for a gimmick match, not bad match for a regular match. But it wasn’t a regular match now was it?

Steiner says he doesn’t trust anyone.

General Rection is furious and says it’s not worth it anymore.

We recap Totally Buff vs. Goldberg/Sarge. Sarge is the guy that trained Goldberg. Goldberg has to get to 177-0 to get another title shot or he’s fired and Bagwell got mad because he was tired of being screwed over so he and Luger teamed up to try to get rid of Goldberg in this match.

Sgt. Dwayne Bruce/Goldberg vs. Totally Buff

Sarge has a broken arm and the entrances take about five minutes. Goldberg vs. Luger get us going here. You know, Russo made the deal about Goldberg having to win 176 in a row. Why doesn’t Flair just overturn that? Goldberg throws Luger around and throws him to Bagwell who says “Who me?” “Yeah you!’ For some reason that was funny for me. Bagwell hammers away and no sells a suplex.

Goldberg beats down Bagwell and brings in the career jobber Sarge. Sarge beats on him for a bit with a middle rope elbow. I forgot that this is no DQ. Sarge runs into some double teaming, so why doesn’t Goldberg just come in and destroy them? He can’t get disqualified. Actually he does that and the referee throwing him out. How does that make sense?

Luger hammers on Sarge for awhile and Bagwell adds a double arm DDT. Off to the chinlock now as the fans are still in this. Luger gets one of the worst forearm smashes you’ll ever see for two. Thankfully they remember the plate that is allegedly in there. So it can knock out Bret Hart but it barely puts Dwayne Bruce down for two? Only in wrestling would that make sense.

Double tag brings in Goldberg and Luger. HUGE pop for Goldberg. Seriously how in the world did they manage to mess him up? Now we get to the stupid part here. Remember the kid from earlier with the autograph? He’s like 17 or so and Luger goes after him. Goldberg makes the save and the kid maces him.

Goldberg pulls him over the railing and security dives on the kid…..then just let him go and stand at ringside. Punk was right. Wrestling security sucks. Back in the ring Goldberg fights blind for awhile until Luger pops him with a chair a few times and a double Blockbuster (think a Doomsday Device) ends the career. For the month at least.

Rating: D. Weak tag match that was hurt even worse by the ending. Yes a fan that he signed an autograph before earlier was the big answer. Why Luger or Bagwell didn’t bring the mace in themselves is anyone’s guess but hey why not just let a young looking guy do it instead? Either way at least it’s over and they can quit ruining Goldberg for now. HHH got to do that in 03 which is the next time he would be seen.

By the way the fans are totally dead now.

We recap the main event which is Steiner vs. Sid vs. Jarrett vs. a Mystery Man. Steiner and Jarrett hooked up last month at Starrcade to form the Super Worst Friends as the evil team. Flair tried to tell Steiner he couldn’t trust anyone, so they might as well just say SWERVE right now.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Scott Steiner vs. ???

Flair comes out after the three known people and says the Mystery Man will be here later. Steiner goes after Flair but Jarrett stops him. Sid is in jean shorts here instead of full tights like he was last month. Sid clears the ring and hammers away on both of them for awhile. Jarrett is trying to give up the match apparently. Oh dear. Steiner falls trying to get out of the ring which sums up the whole thing perfectly.

Steiner gets the clothesline, the elbow and the pushups. Sid is sent into the front row and Jarrett adds a Stunner onto the railing. Steiner adds a belt shot to the face as you wonder now why Jarrett doesn’t lay down in the ring and let Steiner get the quick pin to retain. Apparently that would have been a better idea as Sid fights back. Can’t powerbomb Jarrett though and the beatdown continues.

They beat down Sid and Jarrett is told to cover him by Steiner. The announcers think there’s something going on here. Sid fights back and this a double suplex which was rather impressive in theory. He more or less DDTed Steiner and suplexed Jarrett. Here’s the comeback as Sid hits a bunch of clotheslines and a chokeslam on Jarrett for two.

Cobra clutch slam puts Steiner down and Sid follows Jarrett to the floor. Jarrett is sent to the front row and we cut to the back to see Flair bring someone out of the limo from earlier who looks like he’s in a Jason Vorhees mask. We cut back to the arena…..and Sid has broken his leg to the point where it looks like a twisty straw.

The problem now is that they can’t do anything because Sid can’t move and they can’t touch him and since Steiner and Jarrett are friends they can’t do anything. Flair’s music FINALLY comes on and the mystery dude is here. There’s a trainer in the ring already to check on Sid so you can tell how bad it is. The Mystery Man comes in and kicks Sid in the head so Steiner can pin him to end this.

Rating: D. That’s not factoring in the ending because clearly that’s not what they had planned as Sid was injured so badly he wouldn’t wrestle for about a year. The match up to that point was pretty weak though as we were just waiting on the mystery dude to get there, making it a lame duck match. Anyway, weak match to end a weak end of the show.

And the Mystery Man is Road Warrior Animal, making the whole thing a bigger joke than it already was. This resulted in the debut of the next super heel stable: the Magnificent Seven, which was comprised of Flair, the Steiners, Luger, Bagwell, Animal and Jarrett. And you wonder why they went out of business.

Overall Rating: C-. The first 40-45 minutes of this can rival any opening 40-45 minutes of a PPV I have ever seen. It was that good. Then they had the other two hours and the show falls apart. You get to the “draws” and the big matches and it’s more uninteresting wrestling with bad matches between people no one wanted to see but they keep throwing him in anyway just because they were the stars and that was all there was to it. GREAT opening part and well worth watching, but stop it after the Dragons match. The rest is ok, but just ok.

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WWF Wrestling Challenge
Date: January 24, 1988
Location: Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This is the day of the first ever Royal Rumble but of course this show was taped weeks earlier. They’ve been treating the Rumble like any other house show which is so strange to hear when it’s such a huge event anymore. On the other hand, there’s only one more show after this before Hogan vs. Andre II so expect to hear a lot more of that in the next two reviews, assuming I get the January 31 edition. Let’s get to it.

After the usual rundown we’re ready to go.

Jerry Allen vs. Honky Tonk Man

Some of the fans have the mini-megaphones that Beefcake mentioned last week. Allen, who I’m sure I’ve heard of, grabs the arm to start but Honky takes him to the ropes to break. We get an inset promo from Liz of all people, saying she doesn’t like Honky like Peggy Sue (Sherri) claims. Honky throws him to the floor for nothing of note. Back inside Allen gets in a few punches before ducking his head against a guy whose finisher is a swinging neckbreaker. This guy deserves to get pinned, which he does.

Quick recap of the Matilda theft story, including a message from the Bulldogs saying they’re worried even though they have her back.

Strike Force vs. Dave Waggoner/Tiger Chung Lee

Non-title again. Santana and Lee start things off. The champions start off with some double teaming as we hear Demolition talking about wanting the titles. Martel hits a nice flying headscissors to take Lee down and grabs an armbar. Waggoner comes in and has some better luck against Tito, but it lasts about fifteen seconds before Santana shoves him to the Strike Force corner and brings in Martel. Strike Force takes over and the forearm gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your usual tag team squash but I’m a big Strike Force mark so I almost always rate them higher than usual. It’s kind of strange that no one remembers their title reign but it ran for about six months. If a team were champions for six months today the world would probably collapse. Actually scratch that as no one would notice.

Gene talks about the Rumble. Hacksaw says he’s going to stay in a corner to see them all coming. Listen to this man! He doesn’t like Harley Race that much either.

Bigelow says this is going to be his year.

Ted DiBiase vs. Dave Stoudemire

Dave dropkicks DiBiase into Virgil to start and gets thrown to the floor for his efforts. Ted pounds him on the floor then he pounds him in the ring. A powerslam sets up a middle rope falling elbow for the pin. Total squash but the dropkick at first was a little surprise.

Muraco talks about needing the luck of the draw.

Bad News Brown is still coming.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Dusty Wolfe

Wolfe takes over quickly but charges into an elbow. Jimmy doesn’t like Brutus that much and wants the Barber banned. Sleeper and we’re done.

Wolfe gets his hair cut.

Ron Bass is the “live” interview this week. He says he won’t whip DeGeorge but says that he’s the baddest man around. Bass issues challenges to all the big names and makes DeGeorge get on his knees.

The fans are split on Hogan vs. Andre.

Greg Cooper/Brady Boone vs. Islanders

Boone actually shoulder blocks Tama down to start but gets slammed face first into the mat. Tama shouts that it was for Bobby. SAVAGES DON’T TALK! IF THEY COULD THEY WOULDN’T BE SAVAGES!!! I’m not sure what there is to say here. It’s total dominance and Tama wins it with the top rope splash on Cooper. Total squash.

More fans talk about the title match and there’s no consensus still.

Don Muraco vs. Mike Sharpe

Sharpe gets in some shoulders and a headlock but Muraco runs him down. Gorilla talks about Pat Patterson and the IC Title which is something you don’t hear about that often. Muraco comes back with power and a modified tombstone wins it.

Dino Bravo vs. WD Wellington

The majority of the match is spent talking about the bench press attempt at the Rumble. That segment would last about twenty minutes, or longer than anything but the Rumble. The match is a quick squash and ends with the side suplex.

Gene talks about the Rumble which has the proper name now. The odd thing is that these promos would all be shot in one long day so I wonder why they changed it in the middle. Slick comes in and hopes his men have high numbers. He also respects Gene. Ok then.

Overall Rating: D. This was again boring and I wasn’t really caring that much. The bigger names on the card were some nice changes though as we had the IC and tag champions out there. Hogan didn’t even show up on Superstars so this is as good as any TV show got. This was nothing special though and the squashes were shorter than usual.

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WWF Wrestling Challenge
Date: January 17, 1988
Location: Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

Back to the early 1988 B shows from the boys up north. We’re still getting close to the Rumble which probably won’t be mentioned more than in passing. Expect some more talk about the upcoming Hogan vs. Andre II match, assuming that’s been advertised already. This is going to be very similar to the Superstars shows that I’ve already done so I’ll know a lot of it before I watch it. Let’s get to it.

We get a message from Bill Boner, the mayor of Nashville, welcoming us to the city.

Gorilla and Bobby are hosts. Gorilla: “Gorilla Monsoon here with this miserable individual.” He’s coming out swinging this week.

They run down the card and Duggan is called a policeman. I haven’t heard that one before.

Jake Roberts vs. Gino Carabello

Gino can barely make it onto the bottom rope to hold his arms up. Gino gets in a single shot before Jake knees him in the ribs to take over. Jake grabs the arm as the fans chant for the DDT. Short clothesline and a slam set up the DDT for the quick squash win.

Gino gets the snake treatment.

Dino Bravo is going to attempt to break a world bench press record at the Rumble and he speaks French about that for a bit.

Jimmy Hart’s Glamor Girls defend the Women’s Tag Titles against the Jumping Bomb Angels. Look those challengers up if you want to see some cool women wrestlers. They get a quick word in Japanese here.

Demolition vs. Omar Atlas/Rex King

Ax and let’s say King start us off and it’s time to pound on the back. Smash comes in for some slams and throws King to the outside. Ax slams him on the concrete and it’s time for more pain. A HARD chop puts King in the ropes and it’s off to Omar. He gets smashed (see? The name makes sense) down as Gorilla and Heenan have some funny exchanges about Heenan’s standing in the company. Fuji says that’s enough and the Decapitator ends Omar.

Rating: D. This wasn’t much other than a long squash, but the tag matches were almost always longer. Demolition was straight up awesome and they dominated for so long that there was no one capable of hanging with them. The match was boring but at least the music was cool.

Gene keeps telling us about the Rumble Royal coming up next Sunday in Ontario. Ron Bass likes his chances and explains the rules one more time.

Bad News Brown is coming.

Jim Duggan vs. Joe Mirto

Harley Race says he’s the real king. Heenan bails to go take care of something else as Duggan pounds away. Mirto is a big guy too so this is even more impressive. Three Point Clothesline ends this.

Van Van Horne vs. Rick Rude

Gorilla thinks Rude vs. Warrior would be a classic. Well I wouldn’t say classic but it was certainly good so chalk up most of one for Monsoon. Rude offers a free shot at the ribs which does nothing of course so he snap suplexes Van Horne after shrugging it off. Rude keeps beating him down but Heenan won’t let him end it. Oh ok now he can so Rude hits a NICE dropkick. I’ve never seen him do that before but it worked perfectly. Rude Awakening ends this.

More Rumble stuff. The Gang and Reed aren’t wanting to go to Canada but they’ll go for the money.

Young Stallions vs. Los Conquistadors

Powers starts with let’s say #1 and armdrags him down. Off to #2 who gets caught as well. The Stallions double team #2 as Heenan is back with facts about Los Conquistadors. They’re from South America and one of them is not named Raoul. One of them, the one we’ll presume isn’t named Raoul, comes off the top with a shot to the back of Powers and more double teaming commences. #1 misses a dive off the top and it’s off to Roma. No one in the crowd seems to care as Powers hits a powerslam on #2 for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not the worst match in the world but the Stallions weren’t interesting at all. They were both your run of the mill muscle guys that were nothing different than any other guys with their builds would have been. There’s just nothing there and that’s why no one cared about them. Even in a less crowded tag team scene they wouldn’t have meant anything.

We get our “live” interview segment with Andre and DiBiase. They talk about the Main Event and Andre says he’ll win the title for DiBiase.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Brian Costello

Warrior immediately clotheslines him over the top to the floor before suplexing him back in. Someone gives Heenan an envelope. Gorilla press and splash get the pin.

Bolsheviks/Butch Reed/One Man Gang vs. Killer Bees/Lanny Poffo/Rick Hunter

This is the closest thing you’ll get to a big match on this show for all intents and purposes. The Bees break up the Soviet anthem and we start with Blair vs. Boris. Off to Brunzell quickly as Heenan shows Gorilla a letter from Tunney reinstating the Islanders. O’Connor Roll gets two on Nikolai, who locks in a bearhug on Brunzell. Reed comes in and runs over Lanny with an elbow and Hunter comes in. Reed runs him over and the Gang hits whatever he called the gordbuster for the pin. Not enough to rate but it was a squash.

Beefcake has his own small bullhorns which he’ll give to the fans to counteract the Megaphone. Then it’ll be him vs. Valentine, which is what he wants.

Gorilla and Bobby wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D+. Nothing of note here but it wasn’t bad. The idea was to talk about the Main Event and it’s pretty clear that no one intended the Rumble to be a major event. I’m more curious about what they’re doing with the name, as it was Rumble Royal a week before the show but the Royal Rumble when it aired. Anyway, pretty weak show, but things would pick up soon.

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Armageddon 2000
Date: December 10, 2000
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Attendance: 14,920
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This was another request. To call this a one match show is an understatement. That being said, the one match is a 6 man Hell in a Cell match for the world title. There’s also a Kane vs. Jericho last man standing match here to fill in some time. Other than that there isn’t a ton on the card but it looks ok. It’s your standard late Attitude Era stuff so it should be at least ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows all kind of destruction set to a nearly creepy song.

The Cell is hanging above the ring here but not in its usual high up place. It’s like ten feet above the ring which is kind of odd looking. On Heat Foley promised that if there was a major injury he would resign as Commissioner.

Vince is here and Patterson/Brisco welcome him. Vince has a cane for reasons I don’t remember.

Hardy Boys/Lita vs. Radicalz

Radicalz are Saturn, Malenko and Guerrero and this is under elimination rules. This is because Malenko, a ladies man at the time, won a date with Lita due to beating her in a Light Heavyweight Title match. It also resulted in Lita looking AMAZING in white bra and panties. Matt made the save in the bedroom in a funny bit. I haven’t seen that in years.

Eddie is in his old school attire with the half singlet. Jeff does a big dive to take out Perry and Eddie. Fans are all over Eddie as the heels control early. The fans are way behind Lita. Granted if you believe certain rumors lots of people have been behind Lita. And in front of her. Uh on top. Beneath too. Jeff puts out Eddie with a Swanton and Saturn takes a Whisper in the Wind but a Death Valley Driver ends Jeff. I know that came off really fast but that’s all that happened.

Saturn goes out to a Twist of Fate and it’s Dean vs. Matt and Lita. Terri gets speared down by Lita and Malenko gets Matt with a rollup. This makes sense as they’re the most important people to this angle. She uses her lucha stuff to try to get a quick pin but she’s in over her head here. Dean punches her in the chest and hits a top rope suplex to more or less end her. He pulls her up though and I have a feeling I know where this is going. Never mind as the Cloverleaf ends it. Lita says she knows she can beat him.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but this should have been Dean vs. Lita without the other four guys. I guess they were ok and at least they went out without having it to mean much. This wasn’t much though but it was fast paced enough to get something decent going. It’s cool to see Lita put up a fight against a man though which was one of the major points here.

Kurt is warming up and is interrupted by Lillian. He asks her about Bulgarians and various other foreigners. Oh it’s because of him beating them in the Olympics. Angle was the best pompous jerk ever.

We get a HIAC moment as Jack gets backdropped through it and the ring.

European Title: Hardcore Holly vs. William Regal

Regal is a goodwill ambassador here so he tries to be nice but more or less fails. He would become Commissioner before Mania. Regal makes some cheap Alabama jokes but gets cut off by Holly. And here we go immediately. Something tells me this is going to be short. That would be Wikipedia which has the match time on it and it’s under five minutes. Regal takes over and hits a nice top rope suplex which is the move of the night apparently.

We get a Bow and Arrow which is something you never see anymore. Regal uses some very cool old school stuff at times which is fun for people like me that love stuff like that. Holly hits his dropkick and a Falcon’s Arrow but doesn’t cover. Top rope legdrop gets two and that’s more or less it as Holly has hit all of his stuff and didn’t win. For absolutely no apparent reason, RAVEN comes in and hits a DDT on Holly for the pin. I don’t remember a feud or anything at all with Raven in it but whatever.

Rating: D. Boring little match here that I guess was supposed to start up something about the Hardcore Title or something like that but apparently it didn’t mean much since I don’t remember it at all. This was really short and Holly is really bad so it’s not like there was a point here or anything. Just a filler match.

Rikishi isn’t worried about Angle and HHH breaking their three man alliance. Who thought he should be a main event heel?

Ah apparently Holly beat Raven on Monday. Yeah Ross and Lawler should have known that.

Chyna vs. Val Venis

This is RTC stuff. Billy Gunn can NOT come out here according to Chyna. It’s on in the aisle and Chyna is dominating easily. The feud started because Chyna was in Playboy and the RTC objected. They were a parody of the PTC which is a really annoying organization that hates TV because it’s evil and corrupts kids. Chyna gets a DDT for two. The referee tells them two minutes and we go back to even.

Ross calls Ivory Lilith Crane which is rather accurate. Powerslam by Venis sets up the Money Shot which misses. Chyna had been IC Champion at this point so this really shouldn’t be that huge of a one sided match. Ivory gets chased on the floor and gets caught by Val in a Fisherman’s Suplex to end it.

Rating: D. Total TV match here and not a very good one. The blowoff would come at Mania where Chyna destroyed Ivory to win the Women’s Title. She left the company like three months later and no one really cared. This went nowhere at all though and really should have been on Raw or Smackdown.

More HIAC stuff, this time of Foley lighting the board on fire.

Stephanie is worried for HHH. I’m worried for people that have to watch her try to act.

Before the show, Taker is in the empty arena and tells Kevin Kelly about his thoughts and history in the Cell. He literally talks for five minutes, complete with clips from the two more famous Cell matches he was in.

Vince and the Stooges come out. This was during the Linda divorce thing. Vince is worried about the six guys in the match tonight and wants the match called off. This of course takes like 5 minutes also.

We recap Jericho vs. Kane which started over Jericho spilling coffee on Kane and saying something about a burn.

Kane vs. Chris Jericho

This is a last man standing match. They start in the aisle and fight to the back where there is no camera, making the fans rather annoyed. Ah there they are in the back. A big shovel shot misses Jericho and we’re out in the arena now for more than 8 seconds. Nice jumping elbow from the top puts Kane down. The more I see of him the more I like him after a match for Superstars against Yoshi Tatsu. It was just a clinic on how to have a wrestling match.

Teddy Long is the referee which is weird to see. Kane is mad at Jericho over Kane not being able to be handsome due to the HORRIBLE burning and scars. I love continuity issues in wrestling. Pretty much all Kane at this point. JR and King have a weird moment as you have to wonder about two guys that spend that much time together. They started the jokes, not me.

Jericho goes for a spinwheel kick and gets caught. That’s relatively awesome. Lionsault of course misses and Jericho is in trouble again. The top rope clothesline gets a 6 for Kane. Jericho says screw you and gets chokeslammed for his troubles. Since Jericho is getting massacred here I’d bet on him to win. How can you have neutral corners in a one on one match?

Jericho gets up just in time to beat the count off of that to stun Kane. The current world champion, which still feels weird to type, grabs a chair. Jericho blasts him in the balls. Sometimes that’s all you need to do: just blast the dude down south. Missile dropkick puts Kane down but Jericho pulls him up. Lionsault onto a chair onto Kane and I wonder how much that would actually hurt Kane. If Jericho was holding the chair it definitely would but I’m not sure here.

Kane sits up at like 8 and beats the crap out of Jericho. Blonde dude gets thrown to the floor and his head smacks the mat on the ground which looks awesome but painful too. We head up to the production area and Kane goes through a table. The set of the PPV is more or less a war zone where everything is a wreck. One of the things there is a massive wall of barrels which Jericho knocks onto Kane, which he could be on his feet underneath, for the win.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but nothing really all that great. There are FAR better last man standing matches even on Raw. This was ok though with Jericho never being beaten down long enough to make his comeback unrealistic. They did a decent enough job of passing about 20 minutes though. Not a lot of chemistry here though.

Foley isn’t having second thoughts about making the match.

HBK is at WWF New York and is pretty clearly intoxicated. This is less than three years after his back injury and just under two years before he comes back. He can barely talk and picks Taker to win the match tonight.

Quick recall of the thumb tacks at the second match, which was a brand new spot at the time.

Some XFL players are here.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Right to Censor vs. Dudley Boyz vs. K-Kwik/Road Dogg

K-Kwik is R-Truth and the RTC (Buchanan and Goodfather) are the champions here oddly enough. The Dudleyz had pretended to join the RTC but wound up putting Richards through a table. This appears to be one fall to a finish. Truth and Dogg do a rap to the ring and it’s awful. Buchanan and D-Von start us off and the champion dominates. I’d expect more or less a mess here for the most part.

Yep there’s nothing close to a structure here other than two guys in there at once more often that not. Bubba does Road Dogg’s dance in a funny bit. The fans want tables already and a very fast moving K-Kwik beats up Edge. This isn’t much at all. Everything breaks down and Truth goes for an over the top rope dive but gets caught in a shoulderbreaker.

What’s Up to Edge and it’s Table Time. This time though they just hit RTC with it. They TOTALLY mistime 3D as it ends in a downward spiral instead of a cutter. The one on Goodfather isn’t much better as the cutter barely connects. Spear to Bubba gets two as D-Von is down on the floor thanks to Steven. Unprettier gives Edge and Christian the tag belts.

Rating: D+. Total mess here with no need to have Road Dogg and Kwik in there as they just made things too complicated. Four teams are just too many and this never went anywhere. The tag titles hopped around all the time back in this era and it didn’t really matter what happened who had them here. Nothing that bad I guess but it just never got going at all.

HHH rants at Stephanie about having to be champion, which he wouldn’t do for well over a year. He also forgets when he beat Foley.

Speaking of that we have a clip from said match, which is very underrated.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn is THE ONE here and somehow has even fewer people caring about him than he did back in the Outlaw days. Hmm I wonder who is going to win here. No point to this match is given but I’d bet on it just being a title match for the sake of having a title defense, which is fine if they get it on the far better Benoit. Nice drop toehold on Benoit and that’s about all that’s nice from Gunn.

JR gets in one of those creepy lines by saying Benoit hangs with everybody. Benoit goes after the knee and it’s one sided so far. Hopefully it stays that way so that Gunn doesn’t get to go on offense. Benoit puts on a Figure Four and Gunn’s selling is awful. He doesn’t even move until he goes for the reversal. He raises a shoulder to avoid the pin but other than that there is nothing from Gunn at all.

The headbutt misses as this has been a very boring match. Gunn uses a gorilla press and his knee is fine apparently. Same with a Jackhammer. Oh wait he’s limping so everything is ok. Fameasser gets two, signaling that Benoit will in fact be winning the title here. Crossface goes on but Billy makes the ropes. They botch the heck out of something and the fans boo loudly. And there’s the Crossface to give Benoit the title completely clean.

Rating: D. Even with Benoit in there this was bad. Gunn was just so totally worthless most of the time and this was no exception. He was botching stuff all over the place, he wouldn’t sell the knee and the ending was just out of left field because he wouldn’t sell the knee. Thankfully though they got the belt off of him and Benoit would move on to Jericho and then Angle, so all was right with the world.

Austin talks to JR and says you can’t prepare for a HIAC match and that he hasn’t slept. The prize is the title but he’ll take revenge when he can get it.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Ivory vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is worthless at this point and can’t do a thing in the ring other than look good. Molly is very attractive at this point, wearing the blue outfit and having the blonde pigtails. The blondes fight while Ivory just kind of stands off in the back. Trish is a heel at this point too. Molly takes them both out with a cross body and then Ivory steals the pin on Trish after Molly hit a powerbomb on her. This barely broke two minutes. T&A comes out to go after Molly but Crash and the APA, who T&A had injured, returns for the big beatdown.

Rating: N/A. Molly’s hotness was very underrated back then. That plus Trish was a great combination. But this is the next to last match on the card? Really?

Taker threw Foley off the Cell.

Rock talks about being ready to do whatever it takes to win the match.

The match was basically three feuds: Rock/HHH, Angle/Taker and Austin/Rikishi being thrown into one match. Today this would be the Elimination Chamber. Vince doesn’t want it to happen and for some reason doesn’t just call it off since he’s, you know, the boss.

WWF Title: HHH vs. The Rock vs. Undertaker vs. Steve Austin vs. Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is champion here. I remember the buildup for this and the question being who would take the huge bump. It more or less came down to Rock or HHH as Taker was too big, Rikishi was too big and Austin/Angle both had far too bad necks to take the risk. Rikishi is just so freaking worthless that it’s amazing. Angle comes out third which is kind of weird. If I remember right Chyna made fun of his attire here as he complained about his package looking too small. Rikishi is mad at Angle for beating him up on Smackdown due to that alliance being broken. I think this is the debut of Rollin as Taker’s theme song. Rock walks straight in as Angle is staying outside for awhile. There are like 6 referees in there keeping people from fighting each other before the match starts. Austin gets a HUGE pop since we’re in the deep south. He throws Angle in and we’re on.

The match has to end in the cage. I’ll do what I can to keep track of what’s going on here but don’t count on much. Angle vs. Taker, Samoan violence and Austin vs. HHH if you’re curious. Lawler evaluates the talent in there at a billion dollars. And people wonder why the USWA went out of business. Leaping knee takes Austin down. We’re just standing around at the moment as we wait on the big thing to happen, likely involving vince. Rock beats on Angle in the ring while the other four fight on the floor.

And now there’s no one in the ring. Ok then. Ah make that Angle/Rock again. This really would have been perfect for the Chamber if it had existed at the time. They overhype everything here as it’s decent but really just a lot of punching so far. HHH gets rubbed into the cage by Austin. Lawler: Don’t rip his nose off! This really isn’t that interesting at all. A bloody HHH hits the Pedigree on Rikishi and Rock saves. I think that’s the first cover of the match.

Finishers a go-go in the ring and everyone saves. After some more basic stuff, Vince and the Stooges come down with a freaking hay truck and says he’s going to tear the cage down. There goes the door and you know what’s coming now. Foley comes down and runs the three guys off, saying the match is going to happen. HHH is outside and Austin follows him.

They fight up by the cars and everyone else comes up there too. Austin hits him with a boom camera and winds up going through a window to bust him open. Pedigree on Rock onto a car. Isn’t the point of a Cell match for the to stay in the Cell? Rock is bleeding….kind of. Ah that’s more like it. Ross oversells everything here, making it sound like it’s the best match ever or something like that. HHH takes a slingshot into a car in a cool looking spot.

Taker and Angle go back to the ring area and it’s all Taker. A chair shot busts him open as HHH and Austin climb the cage. They fight on top and HHH teases the big drop. Angle comes up too to get away from Taker. Stunner on the roof and Taker is up there now too. Rock and Rikishi are the only two not up there at this point. Angle is bleeding now and HHH climbs down to HUGE booing. Austin follows which makes sense.

And here come the Samoans. Taker gets a chair on top somehow and hits a SICK shot to Angle’s head. The fat man hits Taker though and stands tall. It’s just hard take him seriously in that thong though. Rock is on the floor as I don’t think he was ever up top. Angle gets down and it’s the two big men left. They slug it out near the edge over the truck and in the words of Mark Madden: FLY FAT BOY FLY! Austin stops dead to see what the thud was, as does Rock. Austin’s face is the most interesting part here actually.

The roof goes off as Austin and Rock slug it out. You knew that was Mania right there. What we didn’t know was that it would top off the best PPV of all time. Rock actually wins the fight and sets for the elbow. Cue HHH for the save as I wonder how we never got the triple threat with these three guys. Rock Bottom to Angle but Austin saves. Stunner to Rock and we get a back flip, but HHH takes out Austin with a neckbreaker, allowing Kurt to put his hand on Rock to retain and shock everyone kind of, ending the show.

Rating: B. This was good but a far cry from the other Cell matches. Like I said, this was perfect for the Chamber but this was still a big match. The first half or so is really weak until we get to all the finishers, but even then we were waiting on it to turn into the big war. Vince and the truck did that and once that happened it really took off and was the match I think they were shooing for. It’s good but it’s not a classic. Meltzer allegedly said it was a match of the year candidate. Must have been a very weak class that year if that’s the case.

Overall Rating: D+. The main event is good and worth seeing for the spectacle, but other than that this show is really pretty weak. It’s painful to sit through as we’re just waiting on the last match to start which took forever to get to. There’s some ok stuff but for the most part nothing of note happens here.

A lot of this stuff should have gone on Raw and you kind of have to wonder what the point was in having a lot of this stuff on PPV other than it being filler. It’s ok, but it’s nothing you would want to watch again save for maybe the final match. Watch that, but otherwise not worth the time unless you really love this era.

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