Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2012
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Star: James Roday

We’re a step closer to Wrestlemania now so it’s hard to say what to expect. Well actually it isn’t but that sounds better. Tonight we’ll probably get more of Rock vs. Cena, although I’m not sure if Rock is going to be here tonight. Undertaker and HBK both will be though and their confrontation is one of the highlights of the show. Let’s get to it.

Oh and I forgot: tonight Cena raps and we get another Rock concert.

The full theme song and opening sequence starts things out. We haven’t seen that in awhile.

Lawler announces the Rock and Rap concert in the shadow of the Rock N Roll (Express?) Hall of Fame. We’re going to start with Thuganomics so here’s Cena in the Word Life gear, complete with chain and throwback jersey. He starts with a LeBron James joke to get the crowd to love him. If Rock gets all choked up, it’s all in the wrist. I can’t do these lines justice by just writing them out. He mentions the Tooth Fairy chant from last week. This one is short though and ends with him throwing nuts at the camera, like he’ll do at Rock’s face.

Here’s Vickie who I can’t understand. She introduces Dolph. Ok then.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sheamus’ march through the midcard continues. Ziggler can’t quite pull off the pink but at least he matches Vickie. Sheamus takes him to the mat and then runs him over to start. Back to the mat with an armtrap headlock. Forearms in the ropes take us to the first break. Back with Sheamus clotheslining Dolph down. Sheamus hip tosses him to the outside but Dolph slips under the ring and hits a dropkick to take over.

Still on the floor Sheamus is rammed into the back and both guys are down. OH MAN there’s a bit mark on his back. He manages to get back in at about eight and Dolph stomps away. Off to a chinlock as AJ and Bryan are in a skybox watching. Josh is up there so let’s cut to Bryan talking instead of watching the match. AJ is scared of Bryan after Bryan told her to shut up last week.

Sheamus comes back with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Celtic Cross is countered and a one man flapjack gets two. They botch what could have been a cool ending as Ziggler hooks a crucifix but Sheamus tries to pull him into White Noise but can’t get him up. Fameasser gets two. Brogue Kick finishes clean at 11:53.

Rating: B-. Sheamus dominating the upper midcard is fine but they desperately need something substantial to make us care about the Bryan match. When Bryan hasn’t beaten anyone big on his own in months, there’s no reason to care about the match. Then again no one in charge cares about this match at all so it doesn’t really matter.

The Battle of the General Managers match was announced earlier on WWE.com The GM’s will get to pick their own teams and the winner gets to run both shows.

Santino Marella/Aksana vs. David Otunga/

Santino is captain for Team Teddy at Mania. Oh dear. Ace is on commentary here. Otunga is Ace’s captain. Ace says hold it a minute. There’s not going to be a mixed tag. Instead it’s a handicap match.

Santino Marella vs. David Otunga/Mark Henry

Teddy comes out to an actual pop. Aksana is on the apron even though we were told this was a handicap. It’s a 12 man tag at Mania. Teddy escorts Aksana out as Otunga jumps Santino. Teddy shoves Ace down and we’re missing the match for the second time tonight. Santino avoids Otunga and comes back with his usual stuff but Henry makes a blind tag. He grabs the Cobra and headbutts Santino down. World’s Strongest Slam makes Santino the latest squashed champion at 1:32.

Kofi comes out for the save but is beaten down as well. Truth comes out but is beaten down as well. Ace officially announces Henry as the second man on his team.

Preview for Psych, guest starring Miz.

Piece from Extra with the Bellas and Alicia talking about Mania and Rock vs. Cena.

Eve and her AWESOME rack is in the back when Ryder comes up. He wonders why Eve hasn’t answered his calls this week. Ryder asks if she’s playing him so she says be friends with benefits instead. Beth comes up and says she should have been on Extra. She’s going to see Maria Menunos on Extra. I smell a celebrity match. Ryder leaves and Beth says she could get Ryder wrapped around her finger too if she wanted. Eve says she’d mind and leaves.

Ace is on the phone when Miz (hometown pop) comes in. He wants to know when he’ll be added to Team Ace. Ace was on the phone with a member of the Board of Directors so Ace is mad. James Roday of Psych comes in and Miz says he’s a guest star, which is the star power Team Ace needs. Miz has a match tonight and if he wins, he’s on the team. Roday is guest ring announcer. He says he’ll Fink it up tonight. Oh and Miz is facing CM Punk.

BRODUS IS BACK NEXT!!!!!

Jinder Mahal vs. Brodus Clay

Jinder now has a case for his turban. The girls still look good, this time in white. Jinder jumps Brodus to start and gets a headbutt for his efforts. There’s the suplex and a splash ends this in 26 seconds.

Brodus dances for a bit post match.

Some rapper is here.

It’s Shawn time. He talks about how it’s going to be the end of an era inside the Cell. Shawn is guest referee and HHH wasn’t aware of that when he told HHH that last week. We get a clip of last week where HHH says he’s going to end the Streak for Shawn. How that makes people stop talking about how Shawn couldn’t do it still eludes me. Shawn has been in the back and he hasn’t heard anyone calling him a loser.

However, there’s one person that hasn’t been around lately. He calls out Undertaker and 27 hours later, Taker is in the ring. Shawn accuses Taker of being the one talking about him and that that’s not cool after what they did at Mania. Taker wants to know if it’s eating at Shawn that he couldn’t get it done. He thinks Shawn is just repeating what HHH has been saying. Taker starts talking about Shawn’s insecurities and Shawn cuts him off.

It was Undertaker that was begging for the match so he’s the insecure one. Last year HHH got so close to beating him that Taker needs another match. Taker says he’s prepared to accept the outcome whether it’s a win or a loss, but he’s not prepared to have Shawn cost him everything.

He says Mania is on April 21st and that Shawn will pay if the outcome isn’t pure. Shawn says this is irony, not destiny. The guy whose career Taker ended might end the Streak. He could still be the guy to end the Streak. Taker says he’ll win and that the Streak will continue and he’ll end an era. If Shawn screws him, he’ll end Shawn. Shawn pulls back like he’s going to superkick Taker but doesn’t move. He leaves with a smile. Shawn gets to the stage and HHH meets him. They share a quick look and Shawn leaves. HHH shoots Taker a crotch chop.

CM Punk vs. The Miz

Roday is the ring announcer. If Miz wins he’s on Team Ace. Miz takes over with a quick knee to the ribs and we take a break 40 seconds in. Back with Miz holding Punk in an abdominal stretch. Punk comes back with some kicks but the GTS is countered. Low DDT gets two. The Finale is countered into the Vice and we’re done at 6:10. Since we saw about 2:20 of that, I’m not going to bother rating it but it was mostly a squash.

Jericho pops up on screen and says that Punk is a fraud. He says he’s found out something about Punk. Punk is straightedge because his father is an alcoholic which is why Punk doesn’t drink. It scares Punk which is why he puts on this big front. Punk is going to drink eventually and Jericho is going to drive him to it. Punk almost freaks out like he’s having a relapse but gets serious again.

We get a commercial for David Otunga’s law offices. See, THAT is the kind of character development that the people in today’s company is starving for.

Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger

Orton takes over to start and sends Jack into the steps as we take a break. Back with Swagger controlling with a top wristlock as Cole says the attendance for at least the third time tonight. Swagger goes after the ankle but misses the Vader Bomb. Jack grabs the ankle but Orton kicks him off and they go up to the corner. A superplex puts Swagger down and Orton comes back with his signature package. RKO ends this clean at 8:30.

Rating: C-. This was fine. Swagger is nothing more than a jobber to the stars and putting the US Title on him was the way they’re trying to keep a victory over him meaning anything. Orton looks strong before the inevitable Kane post match stuff (and hey there it is) which is the right idea.

Post match the Kane pyro goes off and the red light comes on but there’s no Kane.

We recap the Cena rap (with the fourth use of attitudinal by Cole).

HHH, Shawn and Undertaker will be at Raw next week. Cena vs. Henry next week also.

Here’s Rock with a guitar for the Rock Concert. Rock talks about how the people have broken a record. This is the largest sellout crowd the WWE has ever had in Cleveland. He says to chant Cleveland instead of Rock. He wants to know if the people have seen Marky Mark tonight. What’s up with the chain anyway? Also Cena looks like Vanilla Ice crossed with a Teletubbie. And he has pictures. This isn’t funny.

Rock sits down with the guitar and the fans cheer for him. This isn’t about a two minute rap because Cleveland Rocks. Rock gets a spotlight and starts singing what sounds like a parody of Jailhouse Rock. He says Cleveland Rocks a lot and the people cheer. Rock says Cena went to a doctor last week and he’s got a song about it. It ends with Cena wanting a rectal exam. Now he has a story about Cena and Eve. They were making out but Cena has a wife. Ok then.

Now he’s got a story about Cena’s birthday. The doctor wanted to get rid of Cena at birth and Cena had lady parts. THIS ISN’T FUNNY! I know that’s blasphemy but this isn’t funny at all. He keeps singing about how Cleveland Rocks so the fans cheer for him but the stuff he’s saying isn’t funny. He asks if there are any adult male Cena fans and says that they’re virgins in a funny bit. He asks about the ladies. Rock says he loves women and there’s a special woman that he has a song for. He’s going to bring her wine and yeah it’s Cena’s mom.

He has his finale now and it’s for the people. This if for Team Bring It. It’s for the millions you see. It’s We Will Rock You. Rock actually sings the song but throws in some Cena Sucks lines. There are lyrics on the screen for the modified lyrics. Rock totally screws the words up (I mean, we can see them on the screen) and that’s it. No Cena at all. Seriously? This was the lowest Rock has his since he’s been back.

Overall Rating: B. I liked tonight’s show again. The Cena stuff was good, Rock was just dreadful and they plugged a good amount of matches. Plus you get some Brodus time which is never a bad thing. The 12 man tag was finally announced to help flesh out the card a bit. I’m starting to wonder how many more people they’re going to induct into the Hall of Fame (Mil Mascaras was announced on WWE.com earlier today but there was no mention of him tonight) but other than that, everything is getting time. Good Wrestlemania push show.

Results
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler – Brogue Kick
David Otunga/Mark Henry b. Santino Marella – World’s Strongest Slam
Brodus Clay b. Jinder Mahal – Splash
CM Punk b. The Miz – Anaconda Vice
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger – RKO

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We got a classic in Savage vs. Flair, but would Hogan vs. Flair have been better?As big as it would have been, I’m thinking no.  The problem with it would have been Hogan getting the win, which would be anticlimactic, especially since he was considering retirement.  The match we got was going to be hard enough to top so it’s hard to complain.

Thoughts?

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 13, 2001
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 14,008
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

This is the go home show for Summerslam which I didn’t realize we were that close to. Rock has his title match with Booker that night and we’ll also see Angle vs. Austin in the clash of the Bald Brotherhood even though Angle isn’t bald yet. Tonight the main event is a tag match because that’s what Raw does best of course. Let’s get to it.

There’s a tag title match in a cage.

Here’s the Alliance led by Austin. The rest of the guys are on the floor while he’s alone in the ring. He’s got a contract or a clipboard in his hand. Austin says he’s giving the Alliance guys the chance to shine. Since he joined the Alliance he’s led by example. Starting last Thursday, he’s leading by example. We get a clip of Angle getting Stunned and having his ankle Pillmanized. He praises the Alliance guys for looking good but enough about them.

He’s awesome and wants to know who wants to become famous like Austin? Who’s going to step up tonight? Someone must want Kurt Angle tonight. Heyman starts an RVD chant and RVD jumps up on the apron to accept the challenge. Now he asks for a round of applause for Kanyon/DDP who are the new WWF Tag Team Champions. Now on to Test who has jumped ship to the Alliance. Where’s Rhyno? He Gored Jericho through something lately so Austin praises him.

And then we get to the bad stuff: some people haven’t been listening to Austin’s teachings. Therefore on Thursday, there’s going to be the Steve Austin Invitational, whatever that is. Austin calls attention to Taz, Raven and Hugh Morrus. He yells at Dreamer for being too much of a pushover always asking people if they need anything. As for the three in the ring, he asks Morrus who beat him last Thursday. That would be Chris Jericho. Austin makes fun of Morrus’ name, perhaps debuting the WHAT catchphrase.

Austin rips into Morrus and says he’s not here to be funny so get out of his face. Now it’s Raven. Who beat him last week? That would be Perry Saturn. “He carries a mop. You should have mopped the ring with him.” Austin makes fun of Raven’s catchphrases which gets a big reaction. “You suck, quoth Stone Cold, nevermore.”

And then there’s Taz. This was what was built up as the big face turn in the Alliance but it never happened. Austin rips into Taz for not putting up a fight and being a joke of a human suplex machine. We get a clip of Taz doing nothing while Shane took a Rock Bottom through the table last week on Smackdown.

Austin takes off his belt and says it’s time for a come to Jesus moment. Taz has put him in a bad position and has to be whipped as a result. Austin demands the shirt come off but Taz won’t do it. Instead Austin sends Raven and Morrus plus others in for a beatdown. After What’s Up and a Gore, Austin whips him. Cool segment which didn’t feel like the twenty minutes it took up.

Christian says he’ll be in Edge’s corner for the match tonight.

Tajiri vs. Albert

Tajiri tries his fast strikes but Albert throws him around. A gorilla press drop and a splash get two. He loads up the Derailer but Tajiri slides down and fires off kicks. Tajiri tries the Tarantula but Pac interferes. Regal takes X-Pac out and Tajiri mists him. Baldo Bomb is loaded up but Regal makes the save as the referee is with X-Pac. More mist to Albert and a middle rope dropkick sets up the Buzzsaw Kick for the pin. Too short to rate but this was fast paced and fun.

RVD has challenged Angle to a match for the Hardcore Title match tonight. Angle pops up and says his ankle is sore but he’s got gold medals. He was in worse shape when he won those so yes he accepts the challenge. Hugh Morrus pops up and beats down Angle. And never mind as Kurt Angle remembers he’s fighting Hugh Morrus and comes back with an ankle lock.

Edge/Christian vs. Lance Storm/Justin Credible

We get an Impact Players pose on the stage which is always cool. Why? Because it happened in the past and is therefore inherently awesome. Heyman immediately starts talking about the history of the Alliance team. Christian takes over on Storm to start, hitting an atomic drop and it’s off to Justin. A sitout powerbomb gets two for Justin as the evil ones take over.

Christian takes Storm down and makes the tag to Edge. He cleans house but throws Justin into Christian, sending the latter into the barricade ala Shawn and Owen at Survivor Series 93. There’s no one for Edge to tag and a superkick gets two on him. Edge fights them both off and the Impaler ends Justin. Too short to rate again but this was another entertaining match.

Edge gets put in the Maple Leaf post match but Christian makes the save.

Debra says RVD can beat Angle. Austin says RVD is awesome but Angle is a different kind of animal. Shawn Stasiak comes in to praise Austin’s speeches. Austin tells Stasiak to be more than the son of a former WWF Champion. Stasiak says he’ll do something memorable. This might result in comedy if I remember right.

Kanyon talks to Palumbo/O’Haire about their rematch with Kane/Undertaker tonight. Page tries to fire them up too.

Angle comes in to talk to Regal about the RVD match. Regal tries to tell him to take it easy because of the ankle injury because he doesn’t want to get hurt before Summerslam. Angle says it’s ok and goes into a story about Benjamin Franklin, but Shawn Stasiak comes running in, screaming at the top of his lungs. Angle lets him go crashing into Regal’s suit of armor and Stasiak knocks himself unconscious. This would become a running joke for Stasiak and would actually stay funny.

WCW Tag Titles: Sean O’Haire/Chuck Palumbo vs. Undertaker/Kane

In a cage with the brothers defending. The challengers jump the brothers as they come in, keeping Kane out of the cage. Kane negates this pretty quickly though, slamming the door on O’Haire’s head. Sean takes a chokeslam and the beating begins. He and Palumbo try to run but Undertaker wants more target practice. DDP and Kanyon watch the carnage from the stage. Kane hits another chokeslam on O’Haire. Last Ride to Palumbo as the squash is complete. Page goes after Sara so she climbs into the cage. The champions get stereo pins to retain.

Rating: D-. And that’s because Taker’s wife is hot. This was totally dominant and O’Haire and Palumbo looked like total jobbers. Allegedly there was some big thing where they were disrespectful backstage, but instead of fining them, they got squashed on TV regularly, completely losing any potential value they could have had until Palumbo realized he was almost gay.

Here are Rhyno and Stephanie for some talking. Her rack looks great here, fresh off the plastic surger. She feels very good because Rhyno gored Jericho through the Smackdown set last week. We get a clip of it and to be fair, it did look pretty awesome. Jericho must have had a screw knocked loose because he’s accepted Rhyno’s challenge for Summerslam. Rhyno says it would be an honor to take Jericho out. Stephanie wants to see the video again but here’s Jericho in person.

Jericho says it’s true that he’s never beaten Rhyno, but he’ll take care of the smelly greasy nasty animal at Summerslam. “And I’m going to get you too Rhyno.” Jericho talks about how Rhyno promised to get the job done, but it appears that Stephanie would know about getting a job done. We get a comparison of Stephanie being flat as compared to now when she could put an eye out. Jokes abound withStephanie trying to cover up and making them look even bigger is funny.

She claims that Jericho is just having a wild imagination. Rhyno cuts him off and says come down here and say it. Cue Booker of all people who says that Stephanie is all natural. He says she looks good and thinks she’s taking her vitamins. Booker implies Jericho looks like a woman and says go join the Backstreet Boys. Jericho says go join the A-Team. I love it when a promo comes together. Booker says on Sunday he’s taking Rock to school.

Cue Rock to talk about Booker taking him to school. Rock says imagine Booker in high school: the only 27 year old senior, waiting on the bus with his mama. BEEP BEEP! Then Booker could get to class. “Ok class: what is 2+2. Booker? Thomas Jefferson sucka!” Booker is intelligent but not as smart as Shane. Shane wouldn’t even come out here tonight after the beating Rock gave him on Thursday.

Jericho says that in the ring, we have a manbeast and a ho’s beast. We have the Gore and the…..Stephanie: “SHUT UP!” Rock thinks we should have a rhyming contest. Rock: “Booker T and Shane, the WCW sucker and the silver spoon mother……” and Stephanie misses her cut off so they have to censor Rock. Stephanie makes the obvious tag match tonight. This would be promo #2 tonight that went over eighteen minutes. Spending 1/3 of your show on two promos isn’t a good idea. Jericho: “Thanks Stephanie. You’re the breast.” Rock was feeling it here too so this was funny stuff.

Hurricane Helms comes in to see Austin. He’s been inspired by the speech Austin gave earlier. Austin and Debra make fun of the Green Lantern tattoo on his shoulder. That reminds Austin of Kurt Angle but Hurricane doesn’t think Angle could beat Green Lantern. Hurricane says he tries to fly too. Austin says go act like a hurricane.

Test vs. Spike Dudley

This is because of a six man on Sunday. Test overpowers him to start and throws Spike (didn’t he have a broken leg?) over the top to counter the Dudley Dog. Back in Test misses the big elbow and Spike speeds things up. He hits a middle rope rana but the Dudley Dog is countered again. Big boot ends this quick.

The APA and the Dudleys come in for the post match brawl.

Matt/Lita and Angle shoot the breeze before making fun of Green Lantern. Hurricane comes in and slaps Angle’s milk away. You know that means a whooping.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

Rob meets him in the aisle. Remember that Kurt has a bad ankle. Rob is rammed into various metal objects and it’s all Kurt to start. Austin and Debra are watching in the back. RVD comes back with his spin kick to the back of Angle on the barricade for two. Into the ring for the first time and Rob brings in a chair.

Naturally he goes into it which gets two for Kurt. Van Dam comes back with a spin kick and the chair surfboard for two. Kurt tries to go up but gets kicked in the head. He responds by taking Van Dam’s head off with a clothesline. Alliance guys run in to break up the ankle lock but Angle hits the Slam on RVD. Jeff Hardy runs in and hits a Swanton on RVD to steal the title.

Rating: C+. Like most of the other short matches tonight, this was energetic enough to make up for the shortness. Jeff winning the title gave him something to do and it was pretty clear that Angle wasn’t going into the main event of Summerslam as the Hardcore Champion. Fast paced and fun here, which are the words of the night for almost all of the wrestling so far.

Austin is in the bathroom when Stasiak is here to apologize. Austin swings the door open to knock him out cold again. Still funny.

Chris Jericho/The Rock vs. Rhyno/Booker T

Jericho and Rhyno start us off and the Canadian hits a cross body to take over. Middle rope missile dropkick gets one as Booker saves. Off to Rock to fire off some rights. Back to Jericho who hits the bulldog but Booker clotheslines him down from the apron. Off to Booker who walks into a flapjack. Stephanie continues to look horrible when she tries to show emotion. Off to Rock and Rhyno with Rock dominating.

Back to Booker and Rhyno low bridges Rock to send him out to the floor, giving the Alliance control. Booker hits a big kick for two. After more of a beating, Booker pulls of a Spinrooni. Was there ever a shirt for that? Back to Rhyno and Rock takes him down with ease and makes the tag to Jericho.

Neckbreaker gets two for Jericho and everything breaks down. Stephanie manages to hit Jericho with a chair and a WCW referee runs down to count two. Rock pulls and then knocks him out. Jericho hooks the Walls on Rhyno and a WWF referee is taken out by Shane. Stephanie comes in, allowing Rhyno to hit Jericho low, roll him up and pin him.

Rating: C. This was your usual main event tag match but the ending was pretty weak. It pushed both matches, but at the same time it felt like it was more about Jericho vs. Stephanie than Jericho vs. Rhyno and we never really got a major payoff to Jericho vs. Stephanie, which sucks for the most part.

Post match Rock cleans house and beats up Shane too. Rock Bottoms all around but Booker intercepts Rock and hits the Bookend. The Alliance stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a good show overall, especially with the big hype to Summerslam. Rock vs. Booker was the focus of tonight which is fine when you have Austin vs. Angle selling itself. The show would wind up being good but Austin vs. Angle was always kind of a letdown for me. Good go home show though.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

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As you know, this show was built around the real life Gulf War. This was viewed as stupid because the war was already over, but that’s not the point. Should there be angles based on real life events?As usual, I think the answer is somewhere in the middle.  Having the real life stories play a role is fine, but having something like this is ridiculous.  The war ended a few months ago so it wasn’t like this was even fresh news at this point.  The show wasn’t that good and with the ending never in doubt, the timing was bad on top of it all.

Thoughts?

Wrestlemania 7
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan
America The Beautiful: Willie Nelson

Now this was a most interesting show and one that I’ve always liked for some reason. The theme for this show was Stars and Stripes in light of the Gulf War. At the Royal Rumble, Sergeant Slaughter had won the WWF Title with the help of the Macho Man by beating the Ultimate Warrior.

Slaughter was an Iraqi sympathizer and therefore, the epitome of evil at the time. It was clear that a Real American would have to rise up to confront him and take the title back. Fortunately, the WWF had the realest of all Real Americans in Mr. Hulk Hogan.

Your other big match was the previously mentioned Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage. These two would meet on this show in a career ending match. There’s also Mr. Perfect vs. Big Bossman for the IC belt and the Nasty Boys vs. The Harts for the tag belts.

We see the Rockers talking about how the Rockers are going to beat their opponents which is about the same interview that they did for their entire time in the WWF. This is close to the end of the Rockers’ run which mainly is because you can really see the star in Shawn begging to be let out.

The Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Due to Heenan managing the heels, we get Hacksaw Jim Duggan on commentary. Duggan is dressed like Uncle Sam which works fine for him. After running down the two main matches for a bit it’s time to set started. Shawn vs. Haku opens us up here. It’s your basic power vs. speed match to start which means it’s solid all things considered.

Everyone is in maybe 90 seconds in though and we get to an interesting part: the Rockers hit a double superkick to both guys, and the heels are up in maybe 4 seconds. In other words, Sweet Chin Music did nothing at all. Was it a technique thing that made them better later on? I’ve never gotten that. Off to Barbarian vs. Marty now which sounds painfully bad.

Sunset flip doesn’t work for Marty but Barbarian punches mat instead. The Rockers were rather awesome at this point which is always cool to see. Now we get to the majority of the match as Marty plays….well Marty, taking a BIG beating from the monsters. It amazes me how these guys could have the same formula so often and make it work so many times (and yes I know the Expresses did it first).

We get the bearhug as Marty is reeling. Granted it might be that he’s stoned or drunk but we have no evidence thereof. Granted it’s Marty so him being sober would be most odd indeed. Did Barbarian ever not have steady work? Marty manages to get free but misses a second rope cross body and is caught in a SLICK powerslam to crush him for no cover.

Barbarian misses a top rope headbutt though and amazingly his Samoan head is actually hurt. It does the needed job though as here comes Shawn off the hot tag. Shawn manages to fight off both guys for far longer than you would expect him to. A thumb in the eye doesn’t get Haku anywhere as Shawn gets a sunset flip for two.

Everyone comes in again and the Rockers wake up with double teams all around. They unleash the high stuff (remember it’s Marty out there) and a cross body from Shawn gets the win. Very fun match here and it worked rather well. Duggan leaves since Heenan is going to take over on commentary now.

Rating: B. This was the perfect opener. There’s not much of importance here and that works well. You don’t want your fans to get emotionally invested in the first match and get them worn out in the early going. This match was fun, fast paced, and not too serious. Perfect choice for the opener. On a side note, this makes Shawn 1-2 at WM.

We see Alex Trebek, Regis Philbin and some ugly woman who are the celebrities for WM 7. Seriously, Alex Trebek? Regis I can understand, but this is the best you can do, in Los Angeles? That can’t be a good thing. They really have nothing to say of note.

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

This should be interesting. Power vs. power here so it’s likely not going to be that good. Bravo uses the absolute worst atomic drop I’ve ever seen. He just drops Tornado and it’s very sad indeed. Bravo hits his finisher and no one really is surprised when Tornado kicks out.

This is one of those matches that is on there for the purposes of filling in the card and everyone knows it. Bravo is LONG past his point of usefulness and Von Erich just never clicked in this company past a hot debut period. This is nothing at all and it knows it’s nothing at all.

Tornado locks in his Claw Hold and after about ten seconds the announcers acknowledge it. He then hits the spinning punch of death to pin Bravo as there’s literally no commentary for about 10 more seconds. They really didn’t care and neither do I.

Rating: F. When Gorilla Monsoon, the man that likely cared as much about the WWF than anyone else has nothing to say, you know it sucks.

Slick and Warlord babble about beating up the British Bulldog

British Bulldog and his dog Winston say they can beat the Warlord. You know, if Davey hadn’t had that stupid mascot, he could have been legendary. Everything about him just screams GIVE ME THE TITLE! At least in this interview it does.

Warlord vs. British Bulldog

Warlord has that sweet half mask at this point. The Bulldog hails from Leeds. Just thought I’d throw that out there. Power vs. Power again here, but I’m not as worried as I was about the last one. Considering this is Stars and Stripes Wrestlemania, the Bulldog’s pops are insane. Heck those would be great pops anywhere.

He had the look, the talent, the moves, the fan support, everything he needed to be a mega star. What that never happened is beyond me, but I think it wore yellow and red. I’m really not wild on having back to back power vs. power matches but this is definitely an upgrade. Davey runs through Warlord to start us off here and sends him to the floor with some shoulder blocks.

Crucifix doesn’t work as Warlord counters into a Samoan Drop for no cover. Gorilla and Heenan are stealing the show. Heenan: “I was knighted by Queen Elizabeth you know.” Gorilla: “You keep this up I’ll have you crowned as well.” We get the loudest pop for a bearhug that I’ve EVER heard as this crowd is really quite hot. Total slugout here for the most part but it’s working.

Warlord gets a belly to belly out of nowhere to take Bulldog down and the crowd will not stop cheering. This is rather impressive. Warlord wastes time like the idiot that he is but for once it doesn’t cost him. On to the weakest chinlock I can remember in a very long time to waste some more time. Smith fights up and hits a VERY good dropkick to take over.

It amazes me how versatile he was at this time and wouldn’t get his big push for over a year and a half. Granted some of that was due to Flair showing up and changing the whole thing which can’t be blamed on Vince. Piledriver attempt by Davey is blocked into a backdrop into a sunset flip for two.

There’s the full nelson from Warlord out of nowhere and Davey is in trouble. He can’t lock in the fingers though so there’s a chance for escape for our hero. The fingers aren’t locked and Davey is able to bust out of it in a surprise which hadn’t been done before I don’t think. A second later, Davey picks Warlord up and walks around with him for a bit and DRILLS him with the powerslam to end it. This was a miracle.

Rating: B-. I liked it. Bulldog is completely carrying this match though and it’s clear who the top talent here is. By far and away Warlord’s best match ever and something that I probably have overrated. It’s awesome for some reason though and I think a lot of it is due to the crowd being WAY into this. Very fun match indeed.

Jimmy Hart and the most overrated tag team I’ve ever seen, the Nasty Boys, are going to take the tag titles by cracking the foundation. The Harts disagree. Neidhart is pretty good on the mic, but Hitman is clearly the star here. This was at the very end of their run as a tag team and Bret is like Shawn at this point: ready and just waiting to be told to go for it.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

For God knows why, Jimmy Hart is wearing a motorcycle helmet. Bret and Sags start us off here. Bret manages to beat up both guys on his own as you can see the singles push dripping and ready to come out. Anvil vs. Knobbs now. Who named these two guys? The Nasty Boys I mean. Anvil hammers away and Brian is in big trouble early on.

Both Harts have managed to clear the ring on their own which is always a cool thing to see. Back off to Bret again as it’s ALL Harts for about the first five minutes or so. Bret takes a clothesline though to send him to the floor. Anvil chases Jimmy and let’s talk about Hogan. To the shock of absolutely no one, Bret gets beaten on for the vast majority of the time he’s in, as is his custom.

Heenan tries to imitate Gorilla’s commentary when he gets all technical about body parts in a funny but too short bit. Sags gets a chinlock on Bret and cranks on it which gets him nowhere again. Knobbs plays Monkey See Monkey Do as he locks in the same move which gets him nowhere either.

Neckbreaker gets two for Sags as it’s so cute to see him try to wrestle out there. He REALLY likes that chinlock as we see it again. Now Knobbs try it again. They’ve probably spent 3-4 minutes on that chinlock over and over again. We get the oldest and one of the best tag moves in the books as Anvil gets the tag but it isn’t seen.

Heel miscommunication sets up the REAL hot tag and Neidhart cleans house. The Harts were awesome as a team and it’s a shame they’re not credited more than they are. I know they’re considered great but you don’t hear them talked about much anymore, or at least not enough for my liking.

Everything breaks down one more time and it’s a Hart Attack for Knobbs. And there comes the infamous Megaphone as Anvil is getting rid of Sags. Knobbs gets the pin on Bret to steal the titles. Jimmy’s near orgasm where he rolls all over the ground and kicks his feet and kisses the title is pretty hilarious stuff.

Rating: C-. They were trying, but you can’t sell the Nastys going over the Harts to me no matter what. I think this was their last time teaming together as well as Bret went for singles competition after this. The Nastys held the titles over the Summer before losing them at Summerslam to the LOD in their first title reign. Not terrible but the Nastys have never done it for me at all.

We recap Roberts vs. Martel. Now this match is 90% backstory. Jake Roberts was on the Brother Love Show and for some reason that was never explained, Rick Martel came out and sprayed Jake’s bag with Arrogance, his cologne that he carried everywhere with him and when Jake went to stop him, Jake got hit in the eye with it, allegedly blinding him.

I’ve always assumed Jake had an injury or something because he was out nearly 8 months over this. He finally came back to feud with Martel, and this was the match in which he would get his revenge. To play up on the blindness, both men’s heads have hoods over them from which they allegedly couldn’t see. This was voted worst match of the year I believe and I think I know why.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Remember, neither guy can allegedly see here. Jake looks somewhat drunk here. Let the stupidity begin as the crowd has to tell them where the other guy is. No contact a minute in. Their feet touch a bit and Martel falls over Jake as we’re in a glorified comedy match. We get proof they can see as Martel sets for a backdrop and Jake runs around him. In a kayfabe sense, why would ANYONE do that?

They back into each other and then charge and miss each other. This is so painfully stupid I can’t imagine what the person that came up with it was on. Must have been a bondage enthusiast. Martel gets a slam as the biggest move of the first three and a half minutes then misses an elbow. Heenan starts repeating Monsoon in a funny bit.

Martel finds the referee twice in a row which gets him nowhere of course. Jake does a thing where he runs his finger around the ring and the crowd cheers when he points at Martel. Now he’s clapping. How are we five minutes into this already? Heenan: why doesn’t Martel peak? Gorilla: that’s cheating! Heenan: so what??? That’s an excellent point actually.

Apparently the snake now weighs 500lbs according to Heenan. The fans chant DDT. I think they want the pesticide to kill themselves. It must be a better treatment than having to watch this. Martel runs into the bag in the corner and we STILL have had a total of maybe 20 seconds of contact in over six minutes of the match. I can’t refer to it as wrestling or action as it has been neither.

Jake gets a headlock and is sent to the floor off a counter. Heenan: HEY MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR! Martel, like an idiot, goes to the floor and grabs a chair which he pokes around with. He swings the chair at a post and hurts his hand. They finally find each other, I think out of boredom. Boston Crab goes on and Jake is in trouble. Never mind as he kicks him off and gets the DDT to finally end this mess.

Rating: F. What they were thinking here I don’t have a clue, but this was just a terrible match. The fans were into it for some reason but for almost 10 minutes they do nothing but hunt for each other or land a punch or two here and there. Just a complete waste of time.

That woman from earlier is in the locker room as the Nastys celebrate. What is the point of this again?

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

And so it began. You know where this goes. No promos or anything as Taker was just squashing people at this point. We start with a LONG staredown and again no contact. Bearer is as freaky looking as ever. Taker drills Snuka and we’re finally getting going here. The jumping clothesline takes Snuka down and it’s one sided already.

Heenan tries to figure out the Urn which hasn’t been done in nearly 20 years so far but whatever. Gorilla says people with white coats and a net are coming after Bearer. That would be after his son actually but who’s counting? Snuka comes back with pure jobber offense that gets him a grand total of nowhere. He hotshots himself to the floor though and that should just about do it. Taker catches a springboard cross body and the Tombstone kills Jimmy with ease.

Rating: D+. This is mostly for historical significance as the match itself is nothing. It’s a squash and a fairly bad one at that. However, no one at the time knew what would come from this. Truly a piece of wrestling history and you have to wonder if anyone could have dreamed that this would be the first in a streak that got Taker what, three or four world titles at Mania? Remarkable.

We see a video package highlighting the events leading up to the Career Ending Match between Macho Man and Ultimate Warrior. Back when Warrior was champion, Macho Man wanted a title shot and he attacked Warrior to get one. Sherri, in one of the most sexually dripping promos of all time, literally gets on her knees and begs Warrior for a title shot. He says no.

At the 91 Rumble, Warrior defended against Sgt. Slaughter. Sherri came out and got Warrior to chase her, allowing Savage to beat him up. Warrior winds up coming back and almost winning, but here comes Sherri again. He reaches to grab her and Savage pops up and blasts him in the head with his scepter, allowing Slaughter to drop an elbow and pin him for the title. That brings us here.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

If WM 6 was Warrior’s greatest match, this is his second greatest. Before the match though, Bobby Heenan sees none other than Miss Elizabeth sitting in the front row. She hadn’t been seen in the WWF in nearly a year at this point so this was very surprising. Amazingly enough, Heenan can spot her from at least 50 yards away, when the camera can barely recognize her 10 feet away. You have to love kayfabe.

Warrior walks to the ring which freaks everyone out. I’ve seen this match a few dozen times and it still works every single time. This feels totally epic which is exactly the idea. Warrior has the belt on the back of his tights which he never would win again. Feeling out process to start as of course Warrior has the power advantage.

Warrior overpowers him to start and controls early on, much like Hogan did to Savage two years ago. In case I forgot this is a career ending match. How in the world did I forget to say that? Sherri comes in so Warrior throws Savage at her to send her back to the floor. We hit the floor where Savage tries to play mind games by throwing in a chair. That gets him nowhere.

All Warrior so far but it’s incredibly early so it means nothing at all. Savage finally gets Warrior to make a mistake and Warrior is sent to the floor. Sherri keeps interfering but thankfully they don’t throw the match out because of it. This is the largest PPV audience ever which is laughable to think they could know that halfway through the show but whatever.

Warrior cranks it up again and then does something very odd (I’m shocked too). With Savage down on one knee and with his head down, Warrior goes for a flying tackle which more or less looks like a flying headbutt because Savage is still down. It was just weird looking and I have no idea what he was thinking at all. Anyway it lets Savage take over.

Double clothesline puts both guys down though. And now we pause to look at Sherri’s rather nice fighre. In a nice nod to Mania 3, Savage gets rolled up off a slam but there’s no referee due to Sherri. There goes said referee so it’s a free for all now. Sherri takes off the shoe and goes up but it hits Savage in the head by mistake.

Savage gets a rollup for two as Heenan says he can’t even talk anymore which Gorilla doesn’t even reply to. You can tell he’s into this. We now hit one of the more famous parts of the match as Savage goes up and hits FIVE elbow drops from the top when I think only Hogan and George Steele (yes that George Steele) had ever kicked out of one.

The reaction from Heenan to the kick out is absolutely excellent. Savage is SHOCKED. Warrior Hulks Up and hits four or five clotheslines to take Savage down. Gorilla Press and splash only get two though and now Warrior is SHOCKED. Warrior looks up into the sky to ask “his gods” about whether it’s his time to leave and he walks out.

Savage jumps him instead and brings him back and we go on. Warrior is draped across the barricade but Savage misses and is more or less dead on his feet. Warrior throws his body back in and hits a bunch of BIG shoulder blocks with Savage selling like no one else could, making himself look like a rag doll. He hits the floor three times and is just dead. Warrior puts his foot on the chest and is triumphant. That’s the basis for KB vs. Sabre for you OCW fans.

Rating: A+. Combining the post match stuff with the match, this is easily the best segment to date in Wrestlemania history and is easily one of the best of all time. It’s a shame it’s almost forgotten today due to Vince’s vendettas against both guys. This is an absolute classic and DEFINITELY the best Mania match in a very long time. I’d put it maybe in the top five Mania matches in the WWF Era and easily top ten ever at this show. Great match and absolutely worth seeing.

The real memory of this match comes afterwards though in what is likely considered the most emotional moment in WWF history. Savage is still out cold in the ring and Sherri comes in and freaks out on him, saying that he ended her career too. Both commentators are saying to give him a break and that no one else, not even Hogan could have taken this kind of a beating and survived.

Sherri starts to kick him with her high heels when Savage couldn’t hold off a toddler at this point. With her beating Savage up, Miss Elizabeth jumps the guard rail and for the first time ever, attacks someone by throwing Sherri out of the ring as the crowd is stunned to see her. Savage tries to get up but doesn’t know who was beating on him. He turns to see Liz and almost falls to the ground again in shock.

The referee tells him it was Sherri kicking him and he’s even more confused. Liz opens her arms and after a few moments Savage hugs her as the crowd absolutely loses it. Savage puts her on his shoulders and there is nothing but cheering and crying from the crowd. Heenan is beside himself at “this sickening display.”

Finally they’re ready to leave and in the ultimate display of his love, Savage refuses to let Liz hold the ropes open for him as she did for years and instead holds them open for her, truly showing he’s a changed man. This is probably the best emotional moment ever at this point and still holds up to this day. Incredible stuff and again, definitely something worth seeing.

We go from one of the most emotional moments in wrestling history to… a debate on instant replay. Yes you read that right. Vince McMahon acts on moderator (C.M. > Vince) between Paul McGuire and George Steinbrenner of all people as they argue over instant replay.

During the debate, McGuire calls Steinbrenner a butt head, leading to Vince to call on his instant replay “officials” to review it. As this continues to spiral into udder stupidity, the Bushwackers are the officials. They say that there’s inconclusive evidence, therefore the insult stands. Finally this ends and we go back to the arena. This was somehow stupider than it sounds.

Trebek talks to Demolition who scares him off.

Regis talks to…….GENICHIRO TENRYU????? He’s here with Kitao who isn’t anyone special but I’ve heard of him. They can’t understand Regis.

Trebek is scared of Jake.
Demolition vs. Tenryu/Kitao

I know who the two Japanese wrestlers are, but why in the world are they on Wrestlemania? Demolition was little more than jobbers at this point. After they lost the titles to the Harts at Summerslam 90 Ax had left so this is Smash and Crush. They had also gotten Mr. Fuji back at this point.

Crush and Kitao start us off here. Kitao is a big old boy too. Fuji gets a cane shot in almost immediately as it looks like dominance from Demolition to start. Heenan makes Japanese jokes as this is mostly dominance. Somehow Kitao is named Fred. Tenryu comes in and avoids the Decapitator and hits a big powerbomb on Crush to…get the pin? WOW. This was Demolition’s last match too. Odd to say the list.

Rating: W. As in what were they thinking here? I know that Tenryu is a Japanese legend, but no one knew who he was at Wrestlemania. The crowd is silent when Demolition lost. This wasn’t even a loss but rather a squash. This whole match made absolutely zero sense.

Big Bossman says he’s coming for Heenan after he gets the IC Title.

Heenan says he’s not afraid of Bossman.

Intercontinental Title: Big Bossman vs. Mr. Perfect

Bossman is insanely over at this point having been running around with Hogan all through the second half of the year. Heenan had been talking trash about Bossman’s mama, and you don’t talk bad about a Southern boy’s mother. Bossman went to war with the Heenan Family and the only person left was their top wrestler, Mr. Perfect.

Considering Bossman weighs more than Kane, the stuff he can do in the ring is mind blowing. He moves like someone Chavo’s size. All signs point to this being the changing of the title. Perfect throws the towel at Boss Man so Boss Man spits at Perfect. Perfect’s selling goes insane of course and it works great. Boss Man throws some GREAT punches.

I feel like I’m watching a match on fast forward. A charge misses though and we slow things WAY down all of a sudden. Boss Man pulls his belt out which is allegedly a foreign object but I’m not sure how. It would seem perfectly legal to me as he brought it in with him didn’t he? There’s the abdominal stretch as the belt didn’t get Boss Man very far at all.

There’s that neck snap from Perfect which is always fun to see. Perfectplex is blocked though but Boss Man can’t get anything going at all. Perfect gets a reverse neck snap which we would more or less call a Blockbuster today. He goes up but does the jump into the boot spot to set up Boss Man’s comeback.

Perfect gets the tar punched out of him which doesn’t take much as I don’t think there’s much tar in him for the most part. Boss Man rams into the steps though and Heenan gets some shots in. The crowd pops like a cherry though as here comes Andre. Heenan LOSES IT and Andre grabs the belt just because he wants to. He DRILLS Perfect with it but the Heenan Family runs in for the save before Boss Man can get the title. The overly large faces clear the ring. Odd finish.
Rating: C-. This again is historic as it’s Andre’s last WM appearance. It really is sad to see him in such physically bad shape. He would be dead in less than two years, just after the debut of Monday Night Raw, I believe the day of the third show. For the life of me I do not get why Boss Man didn’t get the title here as every single sign on the planet would have pointed to it. No clue what the reasoning was here though.

We see Bossman and Andre saying that the war with Heenan isn’t over. Actually it was.

The following people are here and talked to by Gene:

Lou Ferrigno (the Incredible Hulk)

Donald Trump

Chuck Norris

Henry Winkler (FONZIE!!!!!)

What an odd grouping indeed.
Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

This is about as close to nothing as you can get. Hammer gets in a few elbows and then goes down with ease to the Earthquake splash. It was a squash that somehow went three minutes but you get the idea. There was a powerslam thrown in there somewhere. Hammer did manage to get Quake down and go for the Figure Four but it went nowhere. Why in the world is Valentine a face anyway?

Rating: N/A. Very little here and to have someone as good as Valentine reach this point in his career is kind of sad. Total squash despite the fact that Earthquake was about to become a tag team guy with Tugboat.

The LOD want the belts from the Nastys and they’re going to make Power and Glory sour and gory.

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

This match lasts less than a minute as LOD destroy Hercules and Paul “I was a Horsemen blast it” Roma. Back to back squashes though? Really? Match ran 59 seconds somehow and the Doomsday Device ended it.

Rating: N/A. The only thing keeping this above failing is the LOD’s music. They were so over it’s not even funny.

We recap the events leading up to DiBiase and Virgil. Over the years, Virgil did every disgusting thing that DiBiase told him to do and finally he snapped. Roddy Piper began encouraging him and we get to this match. At the Rumble Virgil and DiBiase had been a team and Virgil got pinned. DiBiase blamed him and told him to wrap the belt around his waist, but Virgil hit him with it instead.

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase rarely ever lost at this point so this was viewed as a squash. Virgil actually goes on for ten minutes. Roddy Piper is in his corner on crutches as he had recently been in a motorcycle wreck. Virgil tags DiBiase with punches to start which are about all he’s got. DiBiase hits the floor as he’s all frustrated now.

Back in the ring and DiBiase takes down Virgil with a clothesline to get control for a bit. The common idea here was that Virgil couldn’t wrestle but he had been trained and was a regular wrestler in the indies before he came to WWF and had at least two matches before this one in a WWF ring. DiBiase gets a Piledriver as Virgil is in trouble.

Beautiful gutwrench suplex gets two. DiBiase sends him to the floor and then yells at Piper. He kicks out the crutch from under his leg to send him down because he’s a bad man. Piper hooks the top rope and Piper hits the floor. More yelling and shoving of men on crutches ends this though as we have a countout with Virgil winning in a shock.

Rating: C-. This feud was years in the making and the emotion was there, but it was on way too late in the card and the people wanted to see Hogan. Having Virgil get the win was huge though.

Slaughter and General Adnan, a.k.a. the Iron Sheik, say that there’s a new set of rules, and there’s a chance he might accidentally get counted out or DQed tonight.

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

No point at all to this one but we’ll throw it in here to fill in some time. Tito runs Mountie around for a few seconds, Mountie can barely do anything, Jimmy slis him the shock stick and Mountie uses it on Santana and pins him. Absolutely no one cares and neither do I. Only significance is Santana continues to have been at every Wrestlemania thus far which I think only Hogan is the other person to do so.

Rating: N/A. Nothing special here as it was a pure filler.

We finally get to the recap for Hogan and Slaughter. The main idea is that Slaughter is threatening to lose on purpose so Hogan doesn’t win the title. Slaughter is an Iraqi sympathizer so the feud was based off Operation Desert Storm, or as it’s more commonly known, the Gulf War. Pay no attention to the fact that the war was already over by this point.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Hmm. I think I may have to bet on this Slaughter guy. It seems likely that he’s going to win it as I think this Hogan chap is overmatched. Is there any reason as to why Alex Trebek is the guest announcer here? I mean dude, IT’S ALEX TREBEK! Anyway, Hogan of course is absolutely insanely over but that pop would start to die off rather soon.

Regis is on commentary for this which is even weirder. Long feeling out process as they feel out each other’s power. Hogan sends him to the floor which gets him a few good shots in. Slaughter begs off back in the ring but gets an eye rake like the evil….American that he is. Yeah this was kind of a weird setup. Heenan keeps talking about some party he’s having on Prime Time Wrestling.

Slaughter in control now as Regis shows that he has zero business being a commentator on the main event of Mania, as he has nothing to say. That’s not his fault of course, but he is just kind of there. No one wants to come to Bobby’s party. That’s rather amusing indeed. Hogan takes over again and does more or less nothing special at all.

A knee to the back sends Slaughter into the buckle. A slingshot makes him completely miss the post but we’ll say it hit anyway. After a good long beating, Hogan shows how stupid he can be and goes up to the middle rope which doesn’t work. He more or less no sells the shot Slaughter gets on him and goes to the top? What the heck??? Adnan interferes and Hogan pulls a Flair in a funny spot.

Slaughter Cannon sends Hogan to the floor. He beats the tar out of Hogan with a chair on the floor which gets him somewhere for a change. The referee won’t count him out or DQ him though. Well that’s certainly nice of him isn’t it? Back in the ring now with Slaughter hooking a Boston Crab after pounding away for awhile on the back.

You know this hold would look a bit more realistic and painful if Hogan wasn’t just barely beneath the rope and that by moving maybe 8 inches up the hold would be broken. Granted that might just be me overthinking this. Slaughter works on the back forever and gets a chair shot to the head to bust open Hulk. Can we please just get to him breaking the camel clutch and getting the title back?

THANK YOU! Slaughter gets his UNBREAKABLE, yes UNBREAKABLE I SAY, hold on Hogan who of course, just like he did to the Sheik, breaks it. Slaughter gets him down again (to humble him perhaps?) and drapes the Iraqi flag over him because he is a very stupid man. Hogan kicks out and you can fill in the blanks yourself.

Rating: C+. Easily more about symbolism, but there was one major flaw: the war was already over when this match took place. It was like TNA in levels of being behind the times. This was a fairly decent match though and I thought it worked well enough for what it was supposed to do. The Hogan pop was starting to die off though and it would become much clearer in the future.

Overall Rating: C. This really isn’t one of the great Manias but it has one of the best moments of all time. The problem in this Mania is the mid card is just awful. The big midcard match ended in a DQ and was a way to get Andre on the show. There’s just nothing here and with Savage stealing the show from Hogan again, it hurts the show a bit.

The complete lack of drama in the main event doesn’t help things either as Slaughter spent all night talking about losing on purpose and you never once see that in the main event. It’s not a bad show, but it’s far from great. Watch it for the Savage and Hogan matches and if you just need to kill some time, the opener.

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In Your House 24: Breakdown
Date: September 27, 1998
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,405
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Summerslam has passed and Austin, much to everyone’s surprise, kept the belt by beating Taker clean. If my memory is right, that was the only time that happened from 1991 to 1998 but I could be wrong on that. Other than that, HHH ended the DX vs. Nation war by beating the Rock for the IC title. The rest of the show is pretty weak as it was kind of meant to be the end of a lot of storylines and now create new ones.

The main idea was that Vince is completely fed up with Austin and wants the title off of him at any cost, so he’s made the main event for tonight of Kane vs. Taker vs. Austin in a triple threat for the title, knowing it would be a handicap match. Also on here we have a triple threat in a cage with mankind, Shamrock and the Rock for the #1 contenders spot. The rest of the card looks like Typical Attitude Era stuff, so let’s get to it.

The intro is all about Vince wanting to get the title off of Stone Cold at any cost, talking about his master plan which includes shots of John Kennedy and various other historic leaders. This is WAY over the top to say the least.

Owen Hart vs. Edge

This is really just a matchup of an upper midcarder and a rookie. I really like this match actually as both guys are solid in the ring. Edge is working a style that is very good for him with a mix of what he does now with technical stuff thrown in. He’s staying move for move with Owen which is no small task to say the least. We get a lot of near falls and since I don’t remember who wins this, it’s a very exciting match.

Edge was getting a cult following at the time and he was still a rookie, which really is an impressive feat. Both go for their finishers and Edge lands a decent DDT. They’re going back and forth here in a great pace that’s really showing Edge off well. Owen of course is as solid as ever but this is pretty even.

Eventually Edge has Owen in trouble but a long blonde haired fan jumps the railing and distracts Edge allowing Owen to roll him up for the win. Dang , that guy that jumped the rail must totally reek of awesomeness and charisma.

Yeah it’s Christian debuting.

Rating: B+. This match was very good and an excellent opener. Two Canadians so it’s almost face vs. face, meaning the crowd is way into it. Edge was showing off here as he proved he can go with anyone. Owen was his usual solid self on the mat and I really didn’t know who was going to win until the end. That’s the sign of a good match in my opinion.

Bad promo for the Superstar Line.

Too Much vs. Scorpio/Al Snow

This comes after Raw when Snow regained his contract by beating Slaughter in a boot camp match. Now in case you don’t remember that, Lawler will mention it 18 times in the next match. After that the Stooges ran down to beat him up but Scorpio made the save. Too much is here because we needed a heel tag team to job to the new faces I guess. This is an ok match but it’s nothing special.

Snow as always is entertaining here as a very underrated worked and character. Scorpio is someone I’ve always enjoyed as well so this should be ok. For some reason they bring a chair in and after the faces distract the referee, both use it for running poetries in motion on Too Much, but Scorpio botches him and lands on his back.

Other than that it’s a pretty up tempo match here with both teams doing a good job at keeping the fans excited. At the end everything just breaks into a huge fight with there being no idea who the legal men were with there being all kinds of covers by all four men. Finish comes off of the Snowplow.

Rating: B. This was another fun match. There was no point to it at all but it was just fun. The characters were fun and wild with everyone all over the place. Snow was easily the star here which is an odd thin since he w treated as nothing but a comedy character for th majority of his career. This was very fun though and while not great, it was entertaining.

Droz vs. Marc Mero

Only thing of note is that Jackie won the Women’s Title on Monday night. We’re not told who the champion was, so I’m assuming it’s nothing of note at all. Droz is considered to be a freak with talk of him eating deer hearts after hunting and sleeping with boa constrictors. Great things to talk about wouldn’t you say?

Once again there’s no real point to this match other than having a face lower mid card guy against a heel lower mid card guy. Nothing at all of note happens here until Jackie hits Droz in the head with a shoe, leading to the Shooting Star Press, here called the Marvelocity.

Rating: D. No point, no good action, no drama, no good grade. There was just nothing here at all and it was clear that no one cared about it. Not much else to say.

Bradshaw vs. Vader

Again, no point to this match that I know of but it’s no holds barred. Oh and it’s falls count anywhere so it’s a hardcore match. Bradshaw has shaved the beard so we now have the traditional look that we’re used to of him. He says Vader is too far to beat him.

This was Vader’s last match with the company on PPV and his last televised match would be in about 3 weeks in the well known and used Edge vs. Vader match. We get some good news though; the Brawl For All is over. Ross says he doesn’t want Vader between him legs. Oh apparently they’re fighting because they failed as a tag team.

Glad I missed those pairings actually. Here comes the weapons as Bradshaw nails him with the bell. Bradshaw’s power moves here are very well done with all kinds of suplexes and slams that put him over really well. I’ll never understand how finishing moves lose their power as Bradshaw gets up from the Vader Bomb, which put HBK down several times, but can’t put a young Bradshaw down here? Then for a weird finish, the clothesline from JBL doesn’t pin Vader, but a neckbreaker does?

Rating: C+. This was fine for what it was. Putting the hardcore thing in there helped a bit as it kept the weaknesses they had from being exposed, but at the time neither really relied on them too much. The destruction of Vader on PPV is finally ended here which is nothing more than a shame. Bradshaw was given a mini push but eventually they got it right with him in the APA.

We see a thing on WWE.com with Jason Sensation doing various impressions of wrestlers. He was a comedian but some of his voices were dead on. His Taker voice is absolutely perfect.

D’Lo Brown vs. Gangrel

Brown lost the European title to X-Pac on Raw apparently. Yeah I don’t care either. Gangrel’s entrance and music is just awesome to put it mildly. As far as his in ring work goes, that’s another story entirely. He had this weird running elbow drop that I never liked as it was just odd looking. At the time everyone was trying to figure out what the deal with Edge and Gangrel was.

They never explained it but soon the Brood would form. You can feel Russo’s hands all over this as you have two over the top gimmicks as well as no real face or heel character but rather two guys that could be either or. Botched hot shot sends D’Lo face first into the top rope which isn’t something you see that often.

There’s really not much going on here as this whole card just feels like filler with this being the worst of that category so far. Henry comes out and attacks Gangrel, leading to the Sky High for the pin. After the match Gangrel drinks from his cup which lets him beat both of them up.

Rating: C-. There’s nothing here, but both guys have fairly cool gimmicks so I’ll say it just passes. That’s the issue with this so show far: everything just feels like pure filler and it’s not working well. Give me something with some meat to it if you want me to care. There’s no build here or anything and I feel like I’m watching a house show.

Recap for the triple threat for the contendership. This match already happened on Raw but Taker and Kane beat them all down. Promos from all three follow. Shamrock is far better than what he used to be, but he’s still pretty bad. Rock’s popularity has arrived as his pop gets bigger and bigger but he’s still far from what his peak would be. Now we get to Mankind. I have never seen a more off the wall promo.

He references Bill Clinton’s scandal with a girl that even he would have turned down in high school as the only thing that comes close to being as pointless as the people’s elbow. WOW. Also, Rock had referenced sugar coated testicles, which Foley thinks should be a new cereal. Mankind the face has arrived.

Rock vs. Shamrock vs. Mankind

Remember this is for the #1 contenders spot and it’s in a cage. Shamrock gets no reaction. He got no reaction in the Attitude Era. Let that sink in for a minute. Mankind’s is solid but Rock’s is just big. This is the older format of triple threats where it’s pretty much a bunch of one on one matches that rotate. I really like the feeling in this match as there’s a good amount of drama and it’s not the watered down variety of today which just absolutely sucks.

These guys beat the living tar out of each other and it’s really working well. They’re fighting hard and the fans are into it. Since we’re in Canada, the heel Rock is getting cheered. All kinds of big spots here as the cage isn’t the star like it is anymore. It’s also the big blue one which is a lot better in my eyes than the one they use now. Anyway, these guys are beating the living tar out of each other with everyone getting dangerously close to winning only to have it snatched away.

Rock lands a double People’s Elbow that has the people going INSANE. Pop of the night so far with ease which is odd as he was the heel coming into this. These guys work each other over very well here with all three being very close again. Both guys are down but Foley dives off the top of the cage with an elbow that crashes. Somehow a chair gets in and Rock just starts killing Shamrock with it.

Foley gets it and both guys are down, but as Foley goes up the cage Rock covers Shamrock for the pin. After it Foley thinks he’s won and raises his hand in victory but then sees Rock and is ticked, ripping out his hair. Rock heads to the back as Shamrock is beating on things with the chair and scaring your favorite Oklahoma representative.

Rating: B+. While I hate the pinfall ending in cage matches, this added a very nice psychology concept to it with Foley trying to be the hero and the heel Rock taking the easier way to get the win. Very subtle yet very key to making the match a bigger success.

You could see that Rock was the biggest star here but it was Foley that was carrying things in there. Vince continues to try to make something out of Shamrock and just epically fails at it. This was a slower paced match but it worked very well as they were all working hard and had the crowd into it as well.

We get a recap of Goldust vs. Venis which was during the time that Rhodes was in the preacher gimmick and Venis made a movie with Terri called the Preacher’s Wife of the two of them sleeping, or I guess not sleeping together.

Val Venis vs. Goldust

This is during the religious period for Dustin who would keep saying HE IS COMING BACK, meaning Goldust. Val brings Terri out who is very scantily clad. Val hits a spinebuster almost immediately but gets powerbombed shortly thereafter. This shouldn’t last that long.

Dustin tries to leave and gets his head taken off for his troubles. Very basic match to start here as Dustin is supposed to be just a man fighting for honor out there while Val is on a hot streak at the moment. Russian leg sweep sets up the grind for Val and then a camel clutch.

Dustin is called a youngster despite being around over 8 years at this point. Take it off chant at Terri. Terri looks at Val dreamily during a long chinlock. Almost all Val here as he goes up for a middle rope suplex but lifts Dustin up and just drops him to the floor in a pinful looking move.

Val goes to the floor and gets consoled by Terri. Bulldog by Dustin gets two which is probably the extent of his control here. Yep the powerslam sets up the Money Shot to end it.

Rating: D. All angle here as this just DRAGGED. It went on for nearly ten minutes here and just didn’t get interesting at all. We get the idea here and didn’t need to have it hammered into us. Nothing special at all and just an extended TV match. The angle was done here I think for all intents and purposes, at least the Dustin aspect.

Recap of DX vs. Jeff Jarrett. Yeah I don’t care either.

DX vs. Jeff Jarrett/Southern Justice

Southern Justice are the Godwinns for those of you that can’t get to sleep at night. This is as bland of a 6 man as you could possibly ask for. It’s a mini feud that no one remembers and fewer cared about. X-Pac gets beaten on, wild brawl, Pac takes a guitar to the head, Fameasser in the ring, match over.

Rating: F. I have no idea why but I hated this match deeply. I think it was just that it was a waste of time. There’s filler that is good and filler that is bad. This was of the latter variety.

Promo and recap which you know the drill of by now. If you can’t tell I really just want this show to end.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. Undertaker vs. Kane

Kane can’t pin Taker and vine versa, making this a handicap match. We see a clip of Austin beating up Vince on Heat. If anyone helps Austin he’s stripped of the title. Austin jumps Taker with a chair as he’s on his way to the ring and beats the tar out of him. Austin was a lot of things but above all else he was smart.

Kane vs. Austin in the ring now as Taker is trying to get up. Top rope clothesline misses as Austin just steps aside. Taker comes back with a chair and Austin is in trouble. Total brawl the whole way so far but that’s what it’s supposed to be. Stunner out of nowhere on Kane but Taker saves.

The Big Red Machine is down forever from that as it’s Taker vs. Austin now. Jumping clothesline takes Austin down but Taker gets caught by a Thesz Press. Heel miscommunication occurs so Austin can get back up which lasts like 4 seconds. The Stooges and Slaughter come out to stand on the stage as it’s ALL Brothers of Destruction at this point.

Back near the stage and Austin makes a brief comeback but gets his Piledriver reversed by Taker. Austin charges at Brisco and half kills him but Slaughter kicks him in the head. Taker brings Austin back to the ring like he’s carrying him to the gallows. Where’s Luke when you need him?

And we replay the beginning of the match for no apparent reason. Back in the ring now and Austin is getting destroyed. He goes nuts and gets some shots in but Taker catches him. They’re doing really well here at making it look like Austin has a chance and then snatching it away. He’s never quite defeated though which is a nice touch.

Austin caves Kane’s head in with a chair but Taker saves. Taker covers but Kane breaks it up, giving Austin a glimmer of hope. Taker breaks up a Kane pin and then drills him to a ROAR. Kane and Austin send Taker to the floor and now it’s one on one.

After a brief reconciliation Taker and Kane need more counseling as they fight again. Austin gets to rest a bit here and fix his knee braces. Double clothesline and both guys are down, prompting Austin to sit up in a funny moment. Finally they get together and hit a double chokeslam and a double pin. Fink does the announcement but pauses before he announces the winner.

Vince comes out and takes the belt. They would have a one on one match at the next PPV where no one would win again, setting up the Deadly Game Tournament at Survivor Series where Rock turned heel to become McMahon’s star. Austin kills everyone in sight and gets flipped off by Vince to end the show.

Rating: C-. This is ok but it’s just a bit boring. Austin fighting insane odds is always fun but the good thing here is they didn’t have him overcome them. That would have been too much for anyone and I think they got that. Having this go over 20 minutes was WAY too long though as it took Kane and Taker all of 40 seconds to beat Austin once they got together. Decent and booked mostly right but too long.

It made the buildup for the rest of the feud great as Austin wouldn’t get the title back until Mania 15. Austin had a great run with the belt but taking it off of him for about 5 months made his next win all the greater. Kane and Taker would fight at the next PPV for the title with a certain redneck as the referee.

Overall Rating: C+. It’s an ok show but that’s it. There are certainly some good matches but the show just dies a painful death before the main event. The Venis match and the DX match are just flat out draining. That’s how I would describe this show: draining.

While there are more good matches than bad, those that are bad are very bad and come towards the end of the show which is what matters most because it’s what’s remembered most. It’s an ok show, but it could have been booked much better. Thumb squarely in the middle.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 17, 1998
Location: Veterans’ Coliseum, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another week here and we’ve now got two more shows counting this one before Summerslam. That means another gimmick needs to be added to one of the matches. After last week there’s another conspiracy going around about Taker and Kane which I’m sure will be pounded into our heads all night. Let’s get to it.

We open with Vince trying to kick open Vince’s door, shouting that he has 15 seconds to get to the ring.

Theme song opens us up.

We open up with Highway to Hell playing and a hearse backs into the arena. Oh I remember this one. Austin is driving the car and there’s a casket in the back. He pops it open and there’s beer in it. That makes me smile. Austin says he has 23 more beers and has no problem holding things up until Vince gets here. Instead he gets Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco. Slaughter comes out too, as the jackass behind curtain #3 according to Austin.

Vince comes out and Austin says hurry up because you’re starting to tick me off. Austin says Vince must be happy about Austin and Taker losing the titles, but it means they’re not tied together anymore. Vince has said that Austin has a foot in the grave. Tonight, that foot is going up inside Vince to give him a preview of Summerslam. Taker goes in the hearse tonight.

Ken Shamrock vs. Owen Hart vs. Dan Severn

Shamrock gets Owen at the PPV and Severn is kind of in there on the side. Lawler promises a statement from the White House tonight. Severn heads to the floor to start as the others pound on each other. The Nation is thrown out. We get a loud nugget chant as Owen controls with a legdrop. Owen rams shoulders in the corner and Severn hasn’t done a thing yet.

Enziguri puts Shamrock down for no cover. Shamrock comes back with a hurricanrana and a belly to belly for two as Severn breaks it up. That’s it for Severn at the moment as Owen takes over with a suplex on Ken. Ankle lock to Owen but Severn hooks a dragon sleeper on Shamrock. The match is stopped without a tap and Severn wins.

Rating: D. Pretty boring match here as Severn was using strategy but that doesn’t mean it’s interesting. He never was cut out for pro wrestling as he didn’t have the charisma to make it work. He was NWA World Champion at this point I believe, which probably explains why you never hear about that title anymore.

He won’t let go of the hold so Blackman comes out to get left laying also. Owen and Severn have joined forces it seems.

Ad for WWF War Zone. Smackdown vs. Raw it’s not.

Brawl For All Semi-Finals: Godfather vs. Bart Gunn

A Bill Clinton impersonator calls in making Monica Lewinsky jokes. Godfather says he’s not even offering the ho’s tonight. Bart dominates and wins by knockout in the third round.

Blackman and Shamrock break stuff in the back.

As we go to a break, we hear Jerry talking to Vince about how he was supposed to get a line in. Nice job guys.

Dan Severn is coaching Owen for his Lion’s Den match. They’ve left for the night.

Brian Christopher vs. Gangrel

This is Gangrel’s Raw debut. He won last night on Heat with an Impaler. Edge is chilling in the crowd watching Gangrel. Brian jumps him to start and hits a middle rope bulldog to take over. Gangrel hits a tiger driver and the Impaler to end this quick.

Shamrock and Blackman say they’ll break Owen and Severn. Did we really need to spend this much time on these four tonight?

DX and the Nation brawls in the back.

Disciples of Apocalypse vs. Farrooq/Scorpio

Clinton is on the phone again for this. Farrooq and let’s say 8-Ball start things off and Farrooq hits a middle rope clothesline for two. Off to Scorpio and Skull with the stronger guy taking over. DX and the Nation are still fighting in the back. Scorpio comes back with Trouble in Paradise and makes the tag to Farrooq. DX and the Nation brawls into the arena as Scorpio hits the 450. There’s no referee though and it’s Twin Magic resulting in a small package win for DOA.

Rating: D+. The match was a mess but this was about setting up the DX vs. Nation brawl. They have a street fight scheduled for later on but I have a feeling that match isn’t actually going to happen. Scorpio was a guy I always liked but the Disciples were so boring and so generic and you saw them so many times they they didn’t interest anyone.

D-Generation X vs. Nation of Domination

This is a street fight and they actually have their intros. There are only three Nation members because Godfather is still shaken up. This in no way resembles a wrestling match so I’m not really going to call it one. Rock takes over for his team with a cookie sheet. He manages to hit the People’s Elbow on Roadie but Billy saves the pin.

Billy piledrives I think Rock on something metal and here’s Jeff Jarrett of all people to fight X-Pac. Southern Justice comes out and it’s a huge brawl. Jarrett cuts X-Pac’s hair as HHH takes a Rock Bottom. A ladder is brought in and HHH gets destroyed with it even worse. He gets left under the ladder and the Nation leaves.

Rating: C. You can’t really give this a grade so I’ll put it right in the middle. The match was fun for the most part but these wild brawls with people coming out for no apparent reason like Jarrett would get old in a hurry. They’re still better than the NWO endings on Nitro though. The feud would end soon.

Here are Tiger Ali Singh and Babu. Oh it’s Abu now. Ok then. We get a clip of Abu training earlier today. He’s still in the sweaty clothes that he wore earlier so whoever comes in here and licks his unwashed feet gets $500. The guy does it with no reluctance at all and gets paid.

Here are Sable and Jackie for an arm wrestling contest. If you’ve seen one of these, you’ve seen them all. Jackie shoves the table over and hurts Sable’s ribs. She takes a trophy that Sable brought with her and knocks Sable out until the Oddities make the save.

Val says he’ll run the Kai En Tai gauntlet to get five minutes with Yamaguchi-San.

Droz’s World is about his tattoos.

Brawl For All Semi-Finals: Darren Drozdov vs. Bradshaw

Bradshaw wins a decision to face Gunn next week.

Video on Al Snow and we see him at a bar. Head is drunk apparently so Snow takes the keys.

Sable is coming back out here.

Dustin says don’t be bad.

Here’s Sable who wants to fight Jackie right now. Jackie says no but we’ll have a mixed tag. Luna and the Oddities jump Jackie.

Val Venis vs. Kai En Tai

This is a gauntlet match. If Val can beat all four in a row, he gets five minutes with Yamaguchi-San. Men’s Teiyoh is first and Val is rolled up for two. Val comes back with some clotheslines and a fisherman’s suplex for a pin. Here’s Funaki who is powerslammed and pinned in about 5 seconds. Togo is third and Clinton is back on the phone. A powerbomb gets two for Venis and Clinton is gone. Val hits some knees to the ribs and a tilt-a-whirl slam. A powerbomb (good one too) sets up the Money Shot to get him to Taka, the last man.

The idea is that Val is getting tired despite having wrestled about five minutes. Taka has better luck, knocking Val to the floor and hitting that corner dive of his. Val comes back with the size and power advantage including a butterfly suplex for two. Taka can’t Michinoku Drive him so Val slams him down but misses the elbow. The Michinoku Driver ends this clean.

Rating: D+. The match was pretty boring, but what was the point in Val losing here? I mean, why make him go through three of them and then lose to the fourth? Not a very good match but it’s cool to see Taka hit that dive most of the time. I think this ends this feud if nothing else.

Mrs. Yamaguchi-San comes down to slap Val so Val sprays them with some white stuff from a pink cannon. Yeah that’s how funny they were in the 90s.

Here’s Undertaker to close the show. He has the high collar on and you can’t see his face. Austin has called him out all night so here’s the champ. Kane’s pyro goes off and yep it’s Kane. Kane beats on Austin for awhile but Austin takes over and clotheslines him to the floor. They fight up the hearse and Austin throws Kane inside. He goes to drive it off but Undertaker is in the driver’s seat. Highway To Hell plays and Taker drives it off to end the show. JR freaks out because Kane and Undertaker are leaving together, because that’s the only possible ending this could have had right?

Overall Rating: C-. This show went by very fast. It’s not a very good show but it’s not bad either. They pushed the HHH vs. Rock match and the main event really strong, but other than that it felt all over the place. I mean, did we really need that much on Shamrock vs. Owen or Jackie vs. Sable? Not a bad show but they need to get to Summerslam.

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Is Frank with “No Holes Barred.” It made me laugh. Comment on this with your request, which is subject to me being able to find it.

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 10, 1998
Location: Omaha Civic Auditorium, Omaha, Nebraska
Attendance: 7,601
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Back to 1998 as my trip into all the short shows is done. We’re getting very close to Summerslam at this point with I believe three weeks to go. The main event tonight is a four way for the tag titles with Kane/Mankind defending against a bunch of people. Other than that we have the other Brawl For All Quarter-Finals. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Mankind to open the show. He says he’s tired of being lied to and deceived. He wants the truth and only one person has ever given him that: Vince McMahon. Mankind sits and waits for Vince to get here and pulls his hair out to pass the time. Vince finally gets here and Mankind says he needs his help.

Vince says this must be humiliating for Mankind and that he detests people that need help. The truth hurts, like when Kane was swinging for Mankind last week. Undertaker hit him with a chair too. Vince is calling him Mick now. Last night Undertaker disguised himself as Kane but it might as well have been Kane himself. The brothers are in collusion against everyone in the WWF. They’re one in the same you see.

Cue Kane and Bearer with Paul yelling at Vince, saying that Vince is the real manipulator of the WWF. Vince isn’t going to get into his mind or Kane’s mind either. Vince: “Are you done venting your spleen?” Vince says that that’s Undertaker under the Kane mask and demands it be removed. There go the lights but when they come back on Taker is in the ring in his regular gear and there’s no Kane. Taker grabs Vince by the throat but Mankind saves Vince.

Val Venis and John Wayne Bobbitt are having a joint press conference tonight.

Undertaker goes into his locker room and Kane can be seen inside.

Cue Sable to introduce Luna and the Oddities. Kurrgan dancing is still funny.

Luna vs. Jacqueline

Luna slams Jackie into the mat to start and Sable takes Mero down on the floor. Kurrgan glares Mero down when he comes after Sable and the match grinds to a halt. Jackie goes up top but gets crotched. A neckbreaker puts Jackie down and Luna goes up for a splash. Her hip kind of almost hits Jackie’s face but it gets the pin anyway. What a mess.

Highway to Hell Summerslam video. This is still awesome, even with Jerry talking to the director over it.

DX arrives. Oh wait it’s just the Outlaws.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Savio Vega vs. Darren Drozdov

Droz is replacing Hawk who he injured. I’m not even going to waste my time with this. Droz wins and Savio was injured during this, meaning he never wrestled for WWF again.

Chyna tells Cole to Suck It and shoves him into a car. There’s a rumor that DX is splitting tonight.

Legion of Doom vs. Southern Justice

Hawk falls down the ramp. After a break the suits won’t let Hawk compete so Droz replaces him. Thank goodness Tennessee Lee got dumped last night. There’s no match as Jeff Jarrett comes out and breaks the guitar over Droz’s head in retaliation for a loss last night. Jeff cuts Droz’s hair.

X-Pac arrives.

Here are the Outlaws in serious mode. Pac comes out alone, followed by HHH and Chyna. HHH says everyone wants to know where DX stands but Pac cuts him off, saying he’s had enough of this. He says HHH and Chyna are jackoffs, so HHH calls Pac a jackoff. The Outlaws are jackoffs too. JR declares DX dead, and since no wrestling announcer has EVER jumped to conclusions it must be true! Everyone agrees that they’re all jackoffs and HHH says they’re not sure if they should split. HHH says it’s time for the split so they all start to take down their pants. Chyna stops them and takes her’s down. Not bad.

Austin throws Cole in the shower in the back. Not a good night for him.

Vader vs. Godfather

Bart Gunn pops up at the announce desk and wants respect from JR instead of hearing about how Williams had a bad knee. Godfather offers the ladies to Vader, most of which are flat out ugly. This takes awhile and Vader takes the girls. Bart Gunn knocks out Vader and takes Godfather down. Yes, this whole thing was a build up to the Brawl For All next week.

Dustin Rhodes says read the Bible and watch the Discovery Channel. He is coming back. This segment was sponsored by Evangelists Against Television Movies and Entertainment. Man when Vince wants to drive something in he doesn’t stop does he?

Here are Val and John Wayne Bobbitt (dude that got a rather specific area cut off by his wife. It was reattached and he made an adult movie about it. This was in 1993 so why they’re doing this now I’m not sure) for a press conference. He has an ice pack between his legs. He makes some expected jokes in a sad voice but then reveals that he’s fine. Lawler makes his own jokes and Val dumps Mrs. Yamaguchi-San for causing him all this trouble. He throws her a battery in a funny bit.

Edge is here.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Bradshaw vs. Marc Mero

Bradshaw wins by points in overtime. Next.

Taker says he’ll explain his actions in the ring.

Tag Titles: The Rock/Owen Hart vs. Undertaker/Steve Austin vs. New Age Outlaws vs. Kane/Mankind

You can’t pin your partner, which is called the Outlaw Rule. During the Outlaws’ entrance, Ken Shamrock comes out and puts Owen in the ankle lock. It turns into a big brawl with HHH coming out as Owen taps to the ankle lock. The Nation fights DX and we take a break. D’Lo is replacing Owen. There’s no Mankind with Kane and Bearer. Oh wait he’s just behind them. Austin and Taker are the champions if that got lost in the shuffle.

In case you’re keeping track, every champion in the company other than Taka is in this match. Austin and Mankind start things off with Mankind getting a fast Mandible Claw which is broken up quickly. Neckbreaker gets two for Foley. He heads to the floor to avoid a Stunner though and walks up the ramp. Rock vs. Austin now and Mankind is back. Brown comes in and hits a spin kick as I think Lawler is losing his voice.

Brown takes a Thesz Press and Austin tags Kane. Kane tags Billy as this is moving very fast. Fameasser puts Brown down as does a gorilla press which gets two. Roadie comes in with the shaky knee for two. Mankind comes in to beat Roadie down but the pulling piledriver is countered. Back to Brown as these tags are almost impossible to keep track of. Finally we get to the important part though as Austin and Taker have to tag and they take turns killing Billy Gunn.

Gunn finally falls into a tag to Austin, making the partners legal. They wisely bring Road Dogg in because they can’t pin each other so there’s nothing to gain by fighting. Old School takes Road Dogg down and Taker tags in Brown. D’Lo hooks a chinlock and things finally slow down. There’s the Low Down but Billy makes the save. Rock comes back in and drops the People’s Elbow to a ROAR. Things slow way down as Mankind comes in. He spits at Austin and Taker but walks into a Russian legsweep from Road Dogg to put him down.

There’s the tag to Undertaker and everything breaks down as we’ve expected it to do the entire match. Kane hasn’t been in the match yet and is standing on the apron during the big brawl. Taker knocks everyone down and Mankind tags Kane. He chokeslams Undertaker very easily and wins the titles.

Rating: C. This was a mess and that’s all it was designed to be. It’s not like the titles meant anything here so changing them is fine. Russo was booking at this point so having everything be crazy like this is one of his trademarks. Still though, for a TV main event this was pretty huge and it worked pretty well.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the best show but it wasn’t bad. The Brawl For All ends in two weeks and I couldn’t be happier. It stops the show dead every time and with these little three minute fights, no one is going to be able to get into them. Anyway, ok show here but it’s clear they’re counting the days until Summerslam.

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