Impact
Date: April 21, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Two Horses for Sister Karen

We’re past Lockdown now which means we can move on from some of the stuff we had been building to.  Sting is still world champion and AJ is back.  Not a lot really changed at the PPV which is kind of odd but it is what it is.  Anyway, tonight we begin the road to Sacrifice which doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as Road to Lockdown.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Lockdown including all three major matches.  Jarrett vs. Angle resulted in multiple injuries.  Why do I have a feeling this feud is going to continue?  Karen says it’s over.  We also recap Lethal Lockdown with AJ’s return after…..17 days of being gone.  Also Sting wants to fight Hogan.

Cue AJ to open the show, repelling down from the ceiling into a cage full of weapons.  He talks about Bully Ray and his big return at Lockdown.  The only reason AJ was there was to get his revenge but he’s not done.  He wants Ray in the cage tonight.  AJ rips off his shirt and is ready to fight.  Here’s Ray for his reply.

Ray talks about putting AJ in a hospital for a month.  Uh….not quite.  Ray says that he’ll do it again and do it even worse this time.  Then he’ll go AJ’s house and take care of his wife and kids.  The wife part doesn’t sound that bad apparently.  AJ is waiting in the ring instead of going after Ray for some reason, perhaps due to not wanting to be jumped by Immortal.  Rey comes to the cage but stops early.  Ray has nothing left to prove since he’s already taken AJ out once.

He turns to leave but Daniels jumps the Bully in the aisle.  Daniels throws Ray into the cage and the beatdown is on.  Ray is sent into the cage a few times and takes a Pele to put him down.  Big trashcan shot to the head and Ray is down.  Gunner comes out to try to make the save but is picked off by Daniels.  They fight up the ramp and AJ puts Ray on the table.  Is the rest of Immortal just busy or something?  Ray has a BIG knot on his forehead.  With Ray on the table, AJ goes to the top of the cage, only for Ray to get off the table and head out the door.

We recap Lethal Lockdown and are told that Flair had a torn rotator cuff due to the armbar by Roode.  He’s been hurt for awhile so that’s the angle to get him off TV.  That’s probably the best thing for him really.

Rob Terry and Murphy come out to the cage and run off the guys clearing out the weapons.  They’re here to get payback on Beer Money for hurting Flair so they’re going to take the tag titles right now.  Beer Money comes out and says cool.  The match starts after the break.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Murphy/Rob Terry

The match has started during the break apparently as Roode is in trouble when we come back.  Terry gets a World’s Strongest Slam for two.  There are weapons hanging around the ring as well.  Off to Murphy who works on the back a bit more.  Terry sends him into the cage and a clothesline gets two.  Roode finally gets in a shot and both guys are down.

Hot tag to Storm who hammers away on both guys.  Codebreaker takes Murphy down as does a DDT and superkick to Terry.  Everything breaks down and the AA Spinebuster to Terry puts him down.  Double suplex to Murphy and it’s time for a double taunt.  DWI ends Terry at 4:03 shown.

Rating: C-. Run of the mill throwaway tag match here but Beer Money looked good.  It also advances Immortal vs. Fourtune which helps a bit.  Beer Money is in desperate need of challengers at this point and with various teams being dismantled they need to find some new ones very quickly.

The Jarretts take a carriage ride and Jeff praises Karen a lot.  It’s her night apparently.  Since Jeff is King of the Mountain, she gets crowned Queen of the Mountain tonight.  This is going to trump the royal wedding apparently.  We look at the horses which I guess is what the episode title is referencing.

Hogan is on his way to the ring, pipe in hand.

Here’s Hogan after a break.  He says he’s awesome and wants RVD here now.  Hogan says everyone knows RVD is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  Not quite as 90s as bad mamma jamma but close.  RVD asks if Hogan remembers the time before he was a heel.  He turned his back on everyone for ratings though.  Hogan says nothing has changed and RVD says now everyone wishes Hogan would just go away.

RVD says he accomplished everything he’s accomplished with respect.  I’m not touching that one.  A leg drop isn’t enough anymore because things have changed, but RVD won’t.  Hogan says RVD has always been a big fish in a small pond.  Uh….what?  As long as Hogan is around, RVD will only be in the midcard apparently.

Cue Sting who says he invited himself.  RVD is a main eventer apparently because he’ll be in the main event at Sacrifice thanks to the Network.  Hogan: “Are you high too Stinger?  Because if you are give me some!”  Apparently the Network says that Sting gets to pick his opponents now.  Hogan says he runs the show but Sting says the executives are coming soon.  Hogan says RVD has a problem tonight against Abyss with Hogan in Abyss’ corner.  Also Sting vs. Matt Hardy as a chance for revenge for Matt’s brother.  No word on if the main event is a title match.

Kurt is looking for the Jarretts and someone saw them in the parking lot.

Madison and Tara argue in the back because it’s apparently Tara’s fault Madison lost the title.  There’s a Knockouts Tag Title match tonight also.

Eric is feeding the horses which he names Mongo and Sid, apparently the best Horsemen of all time.  I give up.  Young is feeding them beans.  Angle says go get some buckets.  Kurt has evil ideas about buckets apparently.

Knockouts Tag Titles: Sarita/Rosita vs. Madison Rayne/Tara

Matt vs. Sting is for the title apparently.  Mexican America looks like they want to let the flag come down but it doesn’t show up.  Anarquia runs down America a bit.  Ah there’s the flag.  The match starts after the break.  Just like earlier we come back with the match in progress.  Tara slaps Madison on the arm to tag her and they almost come to blows.  Sarita dances and hits a dropkick.

Madison slams her into the mat and adds a big boot so she can yell at both chicks again.  Now she yells at Tara.  Some of you might be noticing a pattern here.  The guys distract the referee so Rosita can throw Madison into a clothesline to end this at 1:54 shown.  Yes, Madison kept the Knockout Title for 6 months and here she loses to a clothesline.  Too short to grade.

Time for Karen to be crowned.  Jeff talks about how awesome Karen is for awhile.  They’re both in pure white too.  She’s officially the Queen of the Mountain.  And of course there’s manure in the crown.  Kurt comes out and hits an Angle Slam on Jarrett to a chair.  Angle says he has a mistress that will hurt Karen for him and she’ll be here soon.

Hogan gives Abyss a pep talk in the back.  Hogan goes over to Anderson and asks if Anderson knows who the Network person is.  Anderson makes fun of Hogan, saying that this has to be a rib.  Hogan says Anderson is the only person that he hates in wrestling and he hates being in the same room with him.  Then why does Hogan keep going to talk to him?  Hogan says if this was about 10 years ago this would end differently for Anderson.  Anderson says he’s bored so he has to go annoy someone else.

Back and we recap what we just saw.  The manure came from the ceiling, not out of the crown.  I thought there was a lot of it to fit in the crown.

Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam

They start the brawl almost immediately and Abyss goes down.  Big boot puts RVD down and we hit the neck crank almost immediately.  This is far more of a brawl than a match which is what it should be.  RVD lands a kick which apparently knocked out two of Abyss’ teeth.  RVD makes his comeback and Hogan distracts the referee.  It’s a ruse though for him to slide the pipe in to Abyss who pops Van Dam in the ribs with it.  Black Hole Slam ends this at 3:51.

Rating: C. Just a quick match here to set up the post match stuff.  I believe this is the first time since the attack with Janice in the fall/summer of last year but I’m not sure.  Either way, nothing too bad here but it was way too short to be great.  Granted if it hadn’t been we couldn’t have shown Karen having horse manure dropped on her head again so they clearly made the right choice.

Hogan and Abyss set to attack RVD but Crimson makes the save.

Sting says he can’t wait to wrestle because that’s what he does.

Matt has Jeff’s title belt and we reference him a bit.  Matt is COLD BLOODED!

Here’s Matt Morgan to talk about wanting the world title.  He’s tired of waiting and wants the title right now.  Cue Scott Steiner of all people.  He talks about Morgan being the DNA of TNA.  If Steiner had Morgan’s DNA he’d kill himself then hang himself.  The line for world title shots starts behind Steiner apparently.  Steiner says Morgan is beneath him, just like Morgan’s girlfriend was last night.

Morgan says Steiner was an inspiration to him and talks about Steiner bringing athleticism back to this art form.  Don’t misinterpret the respect for weakness though because there’s nothing weak on him.  They make the obvious match.  They shake hands and Steiner kicks him low.  Steiner Recliner goes on and Morgan is left laying.

Tessmacher is back.  Ok then.

Velvet and Winter have their usual moment of the week.  Velvet is going to go to the authorities with this.  Angelina destroys her.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Sting

Matt has Jeff’s world title, making it the third world title belt currently being worn by someone in TNA.  Immortal is waiting on Sting in the aisle but Fourtune runs out for the save.  Sting never got touched if that’s not clear.  As Sting gets in the ring, Gunner gets a shot to the knee with a pipe.  Matt takes over on a one legged Sting and a second rope leg drop gets two.

Moonsault misses though as Sting manages to roll out of the way.  Scorpion is attempted but Matt kicks him off at the last second so he can go after the knee again.  Chop block gets two.  We take a break with Sting avoiding an elbow drop.  Back with Matt working over Sting who is in the t-shirt again this week.  The injured leg has changed to the right one now but I guess left and right is hard to keep track of.  Back to the left one now.  Sting makes a comeback but misses the Splash.  Hot shot into snake eyes sets up the Scorpion Death Drop to keep Sting’s title at 9:30 total.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here for the most part as Matt was just a midcard guy getting a title shot.  I like that actually as it allows you to have both guys lose nothing.  Sting beats a guy he’s supposed to beat and Matt loses nothing because he shouldn’t beat Sting.  The leg work stuff was fine too as it added a little story to the match.  Not bad at all here which was a nice surprise.

Anderson comes out and hits Mic Checks on both guys, saying to Sting that he’s not going away yet.

Karen FREAKS over the Angle thing and yells at Jeff even though he can barely move.  Jeff wants to know how many times he has to beat Angle.  Karen is REALLY annoying here, which she’s supposed to be.

Hogan says Anderson is done.  He says the Network is coming at him like a double fisted kangaroo.  Has he been chilling with JR or something?

Anderson says they had that coming to them.

Sting says who cares about whatever happens as all that matters is what Anderson did.  He wants revenge.

Overall Rating: C. I liked this again for the most part.  They were kind of in a holding pattern here which is perfectly fine.  Something that you notice about TNA is that there are a lot of people that miss the show some weeks because of a lack of time to fit everyone in, such as Mickie, Pope and Joe.  That’s not a bad thing as they do what they have to do with just two hours a week but it’s something that becomes a bit of an issue as it can get hard to keep up with stories.

No Bischoff this week which helped a lot.  Too many authority figures hurts things a lot and that’s a problem TNA needs to address.  You have Hogan, Bischoff and the Network plus various people making matches at a whim it seems.  Sting vs. Van Dam is fine for a PPV main event and it helps a lot here to see a random world title match that made a bit of sense.  More wrestling please though.

Results

Beer Money b. Rob Terry/Murphy – DWI to Terry

Rosita/Sarita b. Madison Rayne/Tara – Clothesline to Rayne

Abyss b. Rob Van Dam – Black Hole Slam

Sting b. Matt Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

When I first wrote this I followed it up with the Raw show from the same night which I’ll post Saturday.

Monday Nitro
Date: January 4, 1999
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 38,809
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

This is another of those shows that is historical to put it mildly. We’re about two weeks past Starrcade 98 and the end of Goldberg’s streak at the hands of Nash. That being said, tonight we have a rematch for the title. This is arguably the last stand for WCW as Raw is just owning them left and right in the ratings. Can they pull off one more chance? We’ll find out here tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a big dramatic montage of the main event of Starrcade where Nash (who had just become booker at the time. I mean what are the odds of that?) beat Goldberg and won the world title. You would think one of them died given the way these are presented.

The Nitro Girls open the show, as always.

Flair is the President or something like that here. Hogan has recently retired apparently, announcing it on the Tonight Show.

There’s a Nitro Party in a luxury box for a winner of some kind of contest. What a great night to be there.

Glacier vs. Hugh Morrus

Yeah this is the opening match. Riveting no? Glacier was some kind of ripoff of Subzero from Mortal Kombat. I never got why this was done but then again why should you pay attention to the reason why you spend tens of thousands of dollars on a gimmick and the production values of a character? Morrus is now bald and has Hart as his manager, as he did before.

Glacier dominates for the most part with his great array of kicks. Hart tries to interfere which fails badly. Just after that a clothesline and the moonsault end it for Morrus. Those were the only two things that he hit all match.

Rating: N/A. This would have been the equivalent of a dark match as it was just to give the fans something to get them going with no particular reason for it. There’s no story or anything and it’s just a quick match so some wrestling can be seen. As we’ve been over, that was a big problem with the three hour shows, one they never quite solved.

To fill in time we show the segment from last week where Flair won control of the company. This was after he lost the big match the night before to Bischoff. This was also after Flair stripped to his underwear and tore up $100 bills in the ring for no apparent reason other than general insanity. We also see clips of a doctor saying that Flair didn’t have a heart attack but was being slowly poisoned. This was, of course, never resolved. They spend like 5 minutes just airing clips to fill time. We also see the Giant in one of his final WCW appearances before he would show up in WWF less than 6 weeks later. Pay no attention to Flair needing about 8 people to beat Bischoff.

Uh, theme song, after 16 minutes of video not counting any commercials that would have aired. That’s reaching ECW levels.

Flair and family with Arn Anderson come out. This takes another 3 minutes or so as he walks through the backstage while people clap. Why do I have a feeling that this is Flair’s dream come true? This is his first night in power as well. Malenko is on crutches for some reason that the announcers don’t know. According to Tenay it’s a sprained ankle.

Flair orders Bischoff to come out if he wants to work here anymore, so here he comes looking all sad and whatnot. He humiliates Bischoff and talks about all of the things that Flair has put him through over the years. Flair puts Bischoff back on commentary, working under Schiavone. He also reinstates Randy Anderson who Bischoff fired for refereeing fairly while he had cancer.

Since he hasn’t talked enough yet, Flair thanks everyone that helped him in the fight with Bischoff and apparently Randy Savage is back now as well. Flair books himself in a handicap match with Windham and Hennig at Souled Out. David volunteers to be his partner. Pay no attention to the fact that he has never had a match, or that you have BENOIT AND MALENKO standing behind you.

Booker T vs. Emory Hale

Hale worked four matches with WCW, one of which was as The Machine, who was a character WCW built up for months. He lost clean to DDP and was never seen again. Take a guess as to how this is going to go. They botch something and Booker spins up. Hale is a big old boy but not in the fat sense. Missile Dropkick ends this in like 40 seconds.

The Nitro Girls dance some more.

Bischoff still won’t talk. The other guys talking to him about how to do all this stuff is kind of funny.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Norman Smiley

Chavo has his stick horse here and is more or less insane. He rides around on it after putting Smiley on the floor. Can’t you see this RIVETING action here that is SO much better than Raw? I want to learn the Big Wiggle. The main thing here is to get Bischoff to talk rather than the match at all. Naturally you have two talented guys in there that can put on a fast paced match with stuff you don’t get in American wrestling, but hey we need to focus on Bischoff right?

Chavo botches the HECK out of something but gets a rollup out of it anyway for two. A sunset flip ends this in like 2 minutes for Chavo. I know I’m not saying a lot but there just isn’t any point to these matches and the focus is on the commentary so I’m a bit weak on material. Smiley breaks the horse afterwards.

Rating: N/A. Watchable stuff but the botch and lack of time really made this hard to get something going on. Not awful though.

Chris Benoit vs. Horace Hogan

I think this is about the start of the second hour and there is NOTHING going on so far from an in ring perspective. Benoit dominates the whole time as we talk about Bischoff even more. See how that was a major problem around this time? He was rapidly becoming the star of the show, which isn’t something that works at all. Randy Anderson is the referee here.

Top rope suplex sets up the headbutt but Benoit might have missed. The ever talented Horace (what kind of a name was that? His real name is Michael and they picked Horace?) takes over for all of a second as Benoit just SNAPS around into the Crossface for the academic submission.

Rating: D+. Total squash here but in the sense of squashes this worked rather well. Benoit dominated to say the least as Horace had nothing at all going for him. Granted that could be said about his career in general so there you are. And then at the PPV Benoit fought I think Mike Enos. Benoit in a nutshell ladies and gentlemen.

Goldberg is arrested. And so it begins. Basically he says he didn’t do it, whatever it is. He freaks out and we can see why he hardly ever talks. He says they’ll have to shoot him to take him in. At this point he has no idea what he’s being accused of but he still is willing to get shot for it. Nash is of course there and is ticked about him being put in the totally unmarked cop car. Hogan laughs about it too, in his big return I guess.

Chris Jericho vs. Perry Saturn

Naturally the conversation is about Goldberg instead of the match. Larry offers his legal counsel, but I lose all interest because RALPHUS is here. Look this guy up as he was purely awesome. Tony informs us that of course they’ll have no issue with jumping away from the match if something changes in the whole Goldberg deal. Oh wait let’s stop to talk about the Flair match at Souled Out.

After two minutes of no conversation about the match, Tony finally starts talking about the match for about 20 seconds. And we’re done with that now as we talk about how we’re in the 7th segment of a 16 segment show so we have plenty of time to find out about Goldberg. Head and arms suplex takes over Jericho. This has been a solid back and forth match.

DVD is blocked and Jericho goes flying in a suplex. Jericho shoves the referee in front of a Saturn cross body and then punches Saturn in the balls. Lionsault covers but it’s a DQ due to the shove of the referee. However since Scott Dickinson (referee) is feuding with Saturn, Jericho wins for breaking no rules.

Rating: B-. Solid match until the stupid ending as if nothing else it could have ended in a pin. This was around the best time of Saturn’s career, so guys like Jericho were going to get very solid matches out of him no matter what. This of course meant nothing as Saturn would fight a referee at the PPV and Jericho would do nothing. Welcome to WCW.

Goldberg goes to the police station, where of course it’s fine to have a camera follow him. He’s been arrested for aggravated stalking after a charge brought up by Elizabeth. This was originally supposed to be rape or sexual assault but Goldberg flat out said no way. Also one very important thing to keep in mind: Tony says this police station is ACROSS THE STREET from the arena where the show is. That’s going to come into play later.

The Nitro Girls dance some more.

We talk to the Nitro Party winner again to waste some more time. Oh look there’s a thumb wrestling contest. Holy crap this stuff is freaking AWESOME BABY!

Now we go to the police station to see Liz get interrogated. While this is supposed to be serious, it’s just hilarious as we have a camera watching a police interrogation of a stalking victim. She talks about him always being at every show he’s at. Isn’t that called him going to work? This comes off as a scene from a police drama.

We cut to I guess a parking lot where Eddie and the other luchadores (the Latino World Order) are doing various Mexican stereotypes. Eddie had been promised a major push but Eric changed his mind and threw coffee on him. This was Eddie being compensated for it in some way. Take a guess as to how far this angle went. Now they’re at a party with women and Eddie is the center of attention. Two of the other guys aren’t happy. This segment goes on WAY too long as it’s like 5 minutes already.

Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio vs. Juventud Guerrera/Psychosis

Kidman is Cruiserweight Champion here and Heenan is on commentary now. This is a tornado rules match, meaning no tagging. That makes things more fun if nothing else. Kidman and Psychosis start us out with Rey and Juvi on the apron. You know, in a tornado match. Juvi doesn’t want to tag in so Psycho forces him to. Rey, already with a knee brace on hits a nice rana off the top to come in.

He does what would become the 619 but it was just a taunting move back then as it didn’t become a strike until WWE. When Juvi’s head was on straight he was pretty awesome. And now we’re going to go back to making fun of Eric for not talking. Methinks he left about an hour and a half ago, which is a nice touch if that’s the case. The announcers have been fairly convincing otherwise.

Nice rana by Kidman as he comes in. Tony again mentions the tornado rules because it makes more sense now I guess. Sweet pair of dives by the faces to take complete control. Springboard Doomsday Device half kills Psycho as there is zero flow to this match at all. Juvi Driver hits Rey as a counter to an Asai Moonsault and it gets two. Some insanely fast countering leads to face miscommunication, which is something you rarely see, to set up the guillotine legdrop from Psychosis to end it.

Rating: C. The spots were cool but like I said there was just no flow at all here. It was just a collection of spots that had no thought to them at all. WCW matches in this division were normally good about avoiding that, but then again there must have come a point where the guys just knew there was nothing they were going to gain no matter how hard they tried, so why bother anymore? It was ok, but the constant changing of the tag rules hurt it a good deal. Definitely ok though.

Goldberg is being told what Liz said about him, with Goldberg explaining the basic common sense of why he’s always at the same arenas and hotels Liz is at: they work together. Liz also mentioned a gym that Goldberg is always at. The reason he’s there: it belongs to him. Well that’s simple enough.

Nash comes out and says Goldberg got screwed at Starrcade and Nash never beat him. We’ll get to that show soon. He doesn’t believe Liz and says Hogan is behind this. And there we have the problem: Hogan has nothing to do with any of this but he’s thrown into it anyway. Nash wants Hogan tonight. Flair comes out and makes the match, despite Hogan retiring on the Tonight Show on Thanksgiving night.

Same video package from the beginning of the show about Nash vs. Goldberg airs. Tony is instantly convinced that Hogan is behind this. Why he’s convinced of it is never explained but who cares about anything like that?

Liz gives another testimony to the cops but her story doesn’t line up with what she said earlier.

Gene brings out Hogan who gets ZERO reaction. He wants to run for President, as in of the United States. Oh dear. He talks about how Goldberg is a criminal and gets even more heat on him, as Atlanta is Goldberg’s hometown. He’ll do the match with Nash tonight as his retirement match, which is now a title match.

Jericho talked to Dickinson earlier, more or less manipulating him into the DQ earlier. This was a pointless segment but that’s WCW for you.

TV Title: Scott Steiner vs. Konnan

Steiner is champion. He goes on a rant about being out of control and out of his mind, which is fairly true it would seem. Bagwell makes fun of Flair’s heart attack, because there’s nothing wrong with that right? Konnan’s graphic of course says he’s TV Champion despite Tony saying he’s the former champion. Immediately the match looks bad as Konnan shoots him in and then just stands there so Steiner can hit him. That looked awful.

And there it is. “Fans the competition’s show is in the can. Mick Foley, who used to wrestle here as Cactus Jack, is going to win their world title tonight. That’s their world champion.” Oddly enough, this tape is of the rebroadcast and the famous line of “that’s gonna put some butts in the seats” is missing here. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Monday Night Wars have just ended for all intents and purposes. According to just about every source I’ve heard, at this point the audience switched over to Raw in a large quantity.

Why WCW thought this was a good idea is one of the longest running questions in wrestling history, as no one has ever been able to get the point of it. Why would you tell the people that are watching your show what’s going on at the other show? Especially when this is a rematch from last week of all things. This was just a stupid idea all around, as they more or less said “hey, WWF has a major main event too where you’re GUARANTEED a title change.”

I’ve never gotten why WCW was so obsessed with the fact that they were live. I don’t get why it’s so different. I get that people are supposed to think things are spontaneous, but you can film the show to make it appear that things are going rapidly no? Also, something else that WCW never got was that an awful live show pales in comparison to taped awesomeness. This just made no sense at all and no one I’ve ever heard of thought it was a good idea, which is more or less backed up by the ratings.

Finally, this is dumb because WCW had already promised one of two main events: Nash vs. Hogan or Nash vs. Goldberg. Those are hardly nothing matches and would likely have drawn a large audience. If you have people thinking about how awesome they could be, then why offer them an alternative? According to the ratings breakdowns, just after Foley would win the title on Raw, a lot of people shifted back to Nitro, implying people wanted to see the main event they were offering, which we’ll get to soon.

As for the match itself, shockingly enough it’s awful. Steiner dominates while Tony says they haven’t gone to the precinct for awhile. Oh and we’re LIVE. Konnan gets the worst X Factor in history for two, and here’s Bagwell for the DQ. Beatdown follows.

Rating: F+. Just a nothing match that went nowhere and ended as a joke of course. Total waste of time, but then again Konnan wasn’t ever really much at this point anyway. Steiner was pushed WAY too hard but he was old and had been around in the early 90s so he was the perfect person to push right?

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Wrath

Yeah….this is what they wanted you to watch instead of Foley vs. Rock. That makes perfect sense right? Ok so Nash vs. Hogan is going to happen and Nash will fight Goldberg also if he gets here. Eric makes a Goldberg joke, proving he’s still alive. Wrath talks about how awesome he is. This is an open challenge but screw the whole drama thing.

Tony of course talks about how this is live and it couldn’t happen on a taped show. Uh….YES IT COULD. Why is it so hard to believe that a guy could come out and make an open challenge on a taped show? Is there a taped show rulebook somewhere that I’ve never seen? Wrath beats up Bigelow a bit but we hit the floor. Yes Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Adam Bomb is happening on national LIVE blast it TV in 1999.

Bischoff keeps making Goldberg putdowns as this is what he’s getting paid for now. We go to the floor again as Tony crows about how they have a world title match tonight. Well according to him so does WWF but I certainly won’t change the channel to see that right? Totally awful match here as it’s just a big brawl but it’s moving along like molasses as everything takes forever to do, making it incredibly boring.

They’ve been on the floor more than they’ve been in the ring, which is typical here. Who cares if it’s a bad match? It’s LIVE! They brawl onto the floor again, the referee goes down, and it gets thrown out.

Rating: F. Just pure garbage here and no one, I mean NO ONE, cared. Move on to something else please.

Liz is interrogated AGAIN, and yet again she can’t remember her earlier stories. Why is this so hard to remember? The detectives pick apart her story and she keeps checking her watch. They tell her she’ll be charged with a felony for lying, which makes her say it wasn’t Goldberg at all. IT’S A SETUP! I expect a laugh track or a theme song to kick on at this point.

After the perjury about stalking, we have women dance in the ring because that makes perfect sense right?

The announcers say Goldberg will have to get here and get dressed to fight. Hogan said earlier that he’d fight in street clothes if he had to. So I guess Goldberg isn’t skilled enough to do the same?

Brian Adams vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Page was just completely awesome at this point and even I was liking him. After a brief opening Adams hits the floor and Page dives over the ropes to get him. Naturally no one really seems to care other than the fans, but the announcers have been told not to react to it I’d guess so they treat it like a headlock. Vincent interference gives Adams control.

They keep telling us we’re LIVE as it’s just irritating now. Discus Lariat and Page takes over for a bit. This is pure filler until we get to the main event. Tony talks about Goldberg fighting traffic to get here. That street he has to cross must be treacherous. We get a bearhug just to emphasize the level of boring here. Spinning DDT and we’re back to even. And there’s the Diamond Cutter to end this.

Rating: D. Boring match that was just to get DDP on the card. No one cares as this was like the Divas matches you have before the main event to kill some time before we get to the big one. Match sucked.

Goldberg is released from jail, making him yell at cops. He wants an escort to get to the Georgia Dome, which keep in mind, is across the street. Ok at this point, there are about 12 minutes left in the show. Let’s see how long it takes him to cross the street.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan has Scott Steiner with him. Keep in mind his last match was back in October. What a coincidence that he’s here. I always wonder what’s going through their heads when things like these are about to happen. Nash comes out with Scott Hall, so the Outsiders are back again I guess. Keep in mind that this is, yet again, NWO vs. NWO. Hogan is in street clothes.

These are NOT taped matches mind you. There’s the bell, Nash mocks Hogan’s shirt rip. There was a commercial in between Goldberg leaving the police station and the introductions, so adding on let’s say three minutes for that, he left the station about nine minutes before the bell rang. They circle each other and the crowd is white hot. “This is what WCW is all about” according to Tony. Nash shoves Hogan, Hogan pokes Nash in the chest, Nash goes down, Hogan wins the title.

The four guys flood the ring and Goldberg arrives, in a car that he was driving. It happens to be the same car he went to the police station in, and it’s not a police car. So did the cops just steal his car or did he steal the unmarked cop car? The fans TOTALLY turn on the ending and are furious but HERE’S GOLDBERG! Down goes Steiner. Down goes Hall. Add Nash to that. Hogan gets some shots in but takes an AWFUL spear.

Goldberg sets for the Jackhammer, but Lex Luger comes out and beats up Goldberg, joining the NEW NWO! Yes, this is the NWO being reformed, two and a half years after it started. Goldberg gets handcuffed to the ropes and taze the heck out of him. He gets the spraypaint treatment as the fans want Sting. He would show up….two and a half months later. Hogan sprays the belt with the red paint and Steiner does the hand sign to end the show.

Ok so obviously the show as a whole means very little so we’ll save the overall rating until the end. Let’s take a look at the various reasons this was a bad idea and more importantly why this was the beginning of the end for WCW as a whole.

1. The World Title looks worthless. Think back to every heel ever. At the end of the day, their existence was about one thing: becoming world champion. DiBiase wanted to buy the title, Hogan used it as a safety blanket, Austin said it was his life, and it was more or less Flair’s logo. Nash more or less has said this belt means nothing to me, so I’ll just hand it to Hulk Hogan instead because he’s my friend.

This has drastic long term consequences. First of all, why would we ever buy Nash as world champion again? If he can just hand the belt away, why should we not think he’ll do it again? Second, it makes Hogan look like a paper champion. This is the more important one which we’ll get to in more detail in the next point. The thing here though is that he never beat Goldberg and Nash beat him under shady conditions. Hogan has the title and doesn’t have to fight Goldberg, which leads us to this.

2. Hogan is champion again. This could rival the first one for most important. It’s the second year in a row this has happened. Hogan, without beating the mega-face (Sting in 97, Goldberg in 98) has taken back the world title while the mega-face is beaten down. Hogan had not been seen in almost three months and is handed the world title just because. There is no need to make Hogan champion other than because he wanted to be. This in no way benefits the company and it simply goes back to the old days of the NWO, leading us to point number three.

3. The NWO is back one more time. Wrestling fans do not have long attention spans. This is a criticism I have of the current THEY storyline in TNA at the moment. You can’t have long running storylines and expect the fans to stick around for the duration of it. This was the case of the NWO. The angle went WAY past its expiration date but WCW kept going with it. It should have died or at least been fatally wounded at Starrcade 97, but Hogan got the title back in three months. Goldberg destroyed Hogan in July and six months later he has the belt again and the group is back.

The fans were simply tired of the NWO, and can you blame them? If you watch WCW from this time, EVERYTHING was about the NWO. People loved it at first, but it overstayed its welcome and the people just gave up. WCW never would listen to the audience though and kept right along with it because it worked once, so it’ll work again. This wasn’t the case obviously, and only due to injuries did this incarnation end.

4. The Foley aspect. As I mentioned, WCW told the fans about the Foley title win. That is my favorite moment in wrestling history and a great moment in general, as one of the hardest working men in wrestling gets the recognition he deserves. It’s a feel good moment and a lot of people seem to like it.

The problem is that as mentioned earlier, people that switched to the title change switched back for the WCW ending. This means that the fingerpoke is the last thing people see in wrestling for that night. By comparison to a great moment like the Foley win, the WCW change looks even worse. If there is no Foley win that night, then the WCW one comes off as a bad moment, but maybe not a disaster. The added bonus of people seeing Foley and feeling good about it makes the Hogan win just seem dirtier, which is a bad thing.

5. The fans are screwed. WCW pulled a bait and switch on their fans. They advertised Goldberg vs. Nash, which would have been a big draw as a mere 8 days before it main evented the biggest show of the year. By telling the fans to expect that then switch it out to Hogan vs. Nash is almost acceptable. It may not be what was advertised, but that’s certainly a major match. I would bet that a lot of fans weren’t thrilled with it, but having a replacement like that probably helped a bit.

And then the incident happened, and the fans that were a bit on edge already probably exploded. It makes you think you can’t trust the company to give what they told you they would give you. If you can’t trust them on a free show, why should you buy a show or a ticket to a show?

In short, this was a disaster and is widely considered the final blow which killed WCW. I think there’s a lot to that theory, but WCW was in big trouble already. There was absolutely no touching Austin at this time and having a guy like Foley around as a solid #2 face while Vince and Rock were the top heels, coupled with a great midcard and there was just no way WCW was going to get back into contention.

The best they could hope for was to hold onto their fan base and find the next big star to build up and hope people bought into them. Rather than going with say Benoit, Saturn (he was a big deal back then. Ok not really but he was popular) Jericho, or any other young guy, they went with Hogan and the NWO again, which naturally brought the ratings back down. They never won another night and they were into comedy for the most part the next year. This may have indeed been the final nail in the coffin.

Overall Rating: D. Main event and angle aside, this show pretty much sucked. Nothing of note happens as everything built up to the main event and then that bombed. There is some watchable stuff, but for the most part it’s completely forgettable. I had to recheck the card to remember what was on it after writing this. I reiterate that three hours is just too long to have a TV show run every week. There is far too much filler like Bigelow vs. Wrath for example. The angle setting up the main event and the main event should be seen for historical purposes, but that is definitely it for this show.

NXT
Date: April 19, 2011
Location: O2 Arena, London, England
Commentators: William Regal, Josh Matthews

Week I think seven here as I’m starting to think no one is ever going home.  I don’t mean that as hyperbole either.  I’m thinking that it might be just one winner declared at the end rather than having eliminations.  We don’t have much going on here probably as it’s another show in England which rarely get anything other than a token title change.  Let’s get to it.

It’s interesting to me that all of the major shows in a major city like London are in the same city.  Not saying it’s a bad thing but when you have shows in multiple major arenas in multiple cities in the same state in the same week at times normally, it’s kind of interesting to see.

One other note: I’ve been having very bad connection issues all night so I’m not sure if my internet is going to hold up 100% through the show.  I’ll do the best I can though.

First up we have the joust challenge and there’s no Striker this week.  The joust this time is a tug of war on the pedestals.  There are three random matches and whoever Maryse says does best goes to the finals.  O’Brian beats Saxton, Novak beats Young (WITH CONTROVERSY!!!!!  They went off at the same time and had to go to the replay) and Cannon beats Titus by DQ because Titus tried to pick up too much rope or something.

This is flying by as they’ve done the first three in maybe 2 minutes.  Cannon goes to the finals for being the most obnoxious.  Ok then.  Novak beats O’Brian and then Cannon (who gave up) in the finals to win.  This took less than five minutes combined.  Novak gets two points.  Novak steals Cannon’s robe.

That’s What I Am ad.

JTG introduces Novak who is apparently a street guy now.  He’s privileged to be an American apparently.  It’s time to talk to Regal whose name gets a solid pop.  Saxton and Kozlov cut them off and it’s time for O’Brian vs. Novak.  Oh joy.  What is this, their 5^th match?

Jacob Novak vs. Conor O’Brian

Novak takes over early and gets a clothesline to put O’Brian down.  We’re in the chinlock less than two minutes in.  The lack of charisma here is so high it’s unreal.  Novak puts him down with a big boot as the fans chant for Regal.  O’Brian gets a rollup for a quick three abut the referee says shoulder was up, despite him slapping the mat three times.  O’Brian grabs a rollup which Novak yells at Regal to end this at 3:03.  Man I have to grade it.

Rating: D-. Jacob Novak has managed to reach a level of boring that I didn’t think existed.  I mean good grief this guy is just not interesting at all.  They’ve tried to give him the character of being made a street guy by JTG and it doesn’t fit him but that character doesn’t fit him (I hope that made sense to you because it only kind of did to me).  O’Brian isn’t any better.  The problem is they have no characters and are just people with names that wrestle.  There were names for those kind of people back in the 80s: they were called jobbers.

Post match Novak shoves Regal who charges at him until JTG gets between them.

We recap (thankfully not re-air) the Morrison/Truth segment from last night which was a pretty good heel turn I thought.  The recap is actually rather good, making the whole beating seem epic and making Truth look like he’s completely evil.

Saxton and Yoshi talk about Maryse in the back.  Saxton says slow it down a bit.  Yoshi says it’s cool.  Maryse comes up and asks Yoshi to come shopping with her.  Yoshi gets a kiss on the cheek and pays no attention to what Saxton suggests about their tag match later on.

Hornswoggle vs. Darren Young

Young is blindfolded and has an arm tied behind his back.  Apparently Young shot his mouth off backstage and Chavo “just happens to have a rope right here.”  What kind of freaky stuff is Chavo up to when he’s waiting on his matches?  Also whose side is Chavo on here?  He just happens to have a blindfold in his pocket too.  I know you can make the argument that Chavo had time to get this stuff, but where do you find rope and a blindfold in a foreign city on such short notice?  Odd indeed.

Regal randomly talks about how he used to manage the five Spice Girls but now at his age he can only manage two.  It was as random as it sounds.  This is exactly what you would expect it to be.  Horny moves around and when the referee is distracted Young cheats by moving the blindfold with his right arm.  Young gets shoved off the ropes and Horny hits the Tadpole Splash to end it at 1:28.  This was one of those comedy matches where they left out the comedy.

Yoshi Tatsu/Byron Saxton vs. Lucky Cannon/Tyson Kidd

WOW I completely forgot Kidd was on this show.  There’s a lot of time for this match too.  Maryse is at ringside here.  The rookies start us off but Cannon wants Yoshi.  I know this because he shouts I WANT YOSHI.  Off to Tatsu whose music sounds like constantly saying the word chimichanga.  Listen to it over and over again and you’ll hear it too.  This isn’t just me being random.  Regal is talking about ground beef for some reason.

The pros are in there rather quickly and Kidd can’t get a backslide.  Tatsu gets an appropriately Japanese armdrag and works the arm a bit as it’s off to Saxton.  Bryon has the armbar on with his back to Yoshi yet Yoshi has his arm out for a tag anyway.  Jumping back elbow gets two for Byron.  Off to Yoshi again as Regal talks about how he would never be able to make it in this kind of environment.  I’m not sure what you can really draw out of that but there’s something there.

Kidd gets kicked in the face and clotheslined to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Cannon holding Saxton in a modified triangle choke.  That lasts a few seconds as we have to see a replay of what happened during the break.  Kidd jumped Cannon apparently to give his team the advantage.  Off to Kidd again who gets the dreaded “aggression” tag put on him.

Sunset flip by Saxton gets two but he can’t keep the arms down.  Regal actually has a name for getting the legs over the arms, which is apparently called the double legged nelson.  That’s a new one on me.  Saxton tries to fight back but gets kicked in the head by Cannon to take him back down.  Cannon gets him down and hammers away while yelling at him.  “It’s all” *WHACK* “about” *WHACK* “ME!” *WHACK* Not quite Magnum and Tully but it’s something I guess.

Saxton fights back and it’s a double tag to bring in the pros.  Tatsu takes over and a big kick gets a long two.  The crowd is starting to get into this now.  That says something about the rookies I think.  Shining Wizard gets two.  Yoshi sets for something but Cannon hits on Maryse.  Yoshi gets distracted and a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza from Kidd ends him at 11:26.  And yes that’s the real name of the move.

Rating: C-. Pretty boring match here but it might be the longest match of the entire season so far.  The rookies weren’t that interesting and Saxton was in there for too much of the match to keep it interesting.  He’s not the worst of the rookies by far but his in ring work leaves a lot to be desired as far as being past the basics goes.  Not a terrible match but nothing great at all.

Overall Rating: D. Well the main event wasn’t terrible but the rest of the show isn’t interesting other than the Maryse thing if you really stretch it.  The problem at the end of the day is simply that the rookies aren’t very good with the main two here being Novak and O’Brian.  O’Neil has a look, Saxton has charisma, Cannon is a decent heel and Young is the best in the ring and has some experience.

Then you get to O’Brian and Novak.  What in the world do these two have to offer?  Whatever WWE thinks it is, I’m not seeing it.  They’re not charismatic, they have no characters, they’re not anything past average at best in the ring, they get zero reactions, and yet they’re here again.  If you cut those two off, this show goes WAY up in value, yet there wasn’t a single word about eliminations again tonight.  Not a horrible show as they cut down on the Raw stuff, which makes sense as there wasn’t as much on last night’s show.  Anyway, not terrible but Novak and O’Brian are killing this thing.

Results

Jacob Novak won the Pull Through Challenge

Conor O’Brian b. Jacob Novak – Rollup

Hornswoggle b. Darren Young – Tadpole Splash

Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon b. Yoshi Tatsu/Byron Saxton – Fisherman’s Suplex into a spinning neckbreaker to Tatsu

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 18, 2011
Location: O2 Arena, London, England
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

We’re in England tonight as you can see by the location of the show.  This show was taped which might explain some differences in the look and feel of the show.  We’re apparently a week away from the 2011 WWE Draft which means this might be the last night a lot of Raw stars are well….Raw stars.  We also will likely get some more matches added to the Extreme Rules card.  Let’s get to it.

Nickelback opens us up.  Awesome.  Yes I like them.  Go ahead and make your jokes.

Here’s R-Truth to open the show in the arena.  Cole cuts Lawler and King off almost immediately and says it’s not 12 years ago.  Lawler says he likes listening to R-Truth rap.  Why do I have a problem believing that?  Truth says he’s going to preach the gospel.  He’s been down a long road of trials, tribulations and demons.  His problem now is that he’s in line to become WWE Champion.  Cena’s name is booed.  For the WWE Universe he’s fighting everybody anywhere anytime.  And that is the truth.

Cue John Morrison who says he’s happy but would be happier if it was him.  Morrison says Truth got lucky last week.  Truth says he’s in the best shape of his life.  We get a clip from last week where during a commercial a referee handed Truth some water as Cena came in.  Morrison says Truth is in good shape for someone who smokes.

Truth: “All you’re trying to do is get me to challenge you to a match for my spot at Extreme Rules.”  Morrison: “All right I accept.”  Morrison points out that Truth said he’d fight anybody and the people seem to like the idea.  Truth says he’ll do it on two conditions.  First up a bottle of water and a cigarette.  Morrison says he’ll need some luck too.  Crowd had no response at all to those three final things.

John Morrison vs. R-Truth

This is for the spot at Extreme Rules apparently.  Morrison takes over early and Truth hits the floor.  The fans aren’t thrilled as he gets some water and we take a break.  Back with Truth holding a headlock and then grabbing some pinning combinations for two.  Back to the headlock again as I guess Truth was tired again?  Morrison makes a small comeback with clotheslines but is takes down by a spinning kick by Truth.

Truth works on the arm for a bit and hits that suplex into a Stunner move of him for two.  Axe kick misses as does Morrison’s kick off the middle rope.  Morrison blocks the jumping downward spiral (which I think is called What’s Up but I’m not sure), putting Truth in perfect position for Starship Pain to end this in 7:08 (counting commercial).  Morrison is now in the PPV main event.

Rating: C. Just an ok match here but the water angle was kind of interesting for a nice twist.  The reaction to the change in the triple threat is kind of surprising though as they acted like it was no big deal at all.  Not a terrible match but just kind of there.  The best word I can think of for this match is basic.  It wasn’t anything great but it wasn’t bad either.  Average grade sounds right.

Truth goes off on Morrison post match, apparently turning heel.  He throws in a running knee to Morrison’s head, driving it into the railing.  Then he kind of hougs Morrison and says it’s all right before throwing him down on the floor.  He steals Jerry’s water and blasts Morrison in the head with it.  Truth says John did this and hits What’s Up on the floor.  He gets a cigarette from a fan and actually lights up.  Never thought I’d see that on WWE programming.  He blows smoke on Morrison and throws the lit cigarette at him before leaving.  Long segment here but not too bad.

Evan Bourne vs. Dolph Ziggler

No entrance for Bourne here other than a faint trace of his music.  Vickie does the regular entrance for Ziggler, who she claims is new and improved.  He has a haircut and dark hair now.  Well he doesn’t look like Curt Hennig anymore.  Ziggler takes over quickly but is caught in a hurricanrana.  Bourne tries to come off the ropes but gets caught by a dropkick for two.

We hit the mat and Ziggler looks like he’s unsure what he wants to do before settling on a bow and arrow kind of hold for a bit.  Bourne keeps trying to fight back with some strikes but Ziggler takes him down with ease.  A nice little string of offense by Evan ends with a spin kick for two.  He goes up for Air Bourne but Ziggler moves.  Bourne LANDS ON HIM FEET but is caught in a Zig Zag to end it at 2:10.  That landing by Bourne was amazing.

Cole is going to be knighted later apparently.

The Raw Rewind is all three of Sin Cara’s appearances.

Video of Edge’s two appearances last week, set to 3 Doors Down’s When You’re Young.  Del Rio is going to have a farewell party for Edge on Smackdown apparently.

Here’s Miz in a new shirt, along with Riley.   It looks like a baseball jersey and says Awesome.  Miz complains about being in a triple threat match and having it changed on him.  The match is going to be in a cage also where you can win by pinfall, submission or escape.  He wants a chair because he’s going to protest this change as we take a break.

Back with Miz running his mouth as we come back in mid sentence.  He’s talking about how it doesn’t matter who does something because at Extreme Rules he’s going to still be champion at the end of the match.  He sets for the catchphrase and Sin (Scene according to JR) Cara’s music cuts him off.

Sin Cara vs. Alex Riley

BIG height on the trampoline this week as he easily clears the top rope.  Loud Sin Cara chant starts and here’s Cena at a full sprint to clear the ring.  Well you can’t say Cara isn’t getting a good rub right of the bat.  The GM sends an e-mail to make it a tag match.  Works for me.

Alex Riley/The Miz vs. John Cena/Sin Cara

Riley and Cena start with the fans booing Cena out of the building.  Bulldog takes Alex down and he bails to the floor as we take another break.  Back with Cena taking it to Miz FU is blocked and Miz gets a Side Effect to send Cena into the corner.  The announcers talk about the Draft and Jerry wants to know if Cole is drafted off Raw.  My guess would be very little would change as he already does Smackdown but what do I know?

Riley and Miz hammer on Cena a bit more until Cena gets that sitout powerslam kind of move he hit last week.  That’s enough for the hot tag as Cara comes in by kind of jumping into Miz.  Things speed way up and Cara hits all kinds of dives and springboard moves to take down both opponents.  He sets for what looked like a springboard splash of some sort but Riley made the save, pulling him to the floor.

Miz rams him into the apron and takes over as they’re now the legal men.  The dueling Cena chants begin as Riley gets a clothesline for two.  Back off to the champion who can’t get his running clothesline in the corner.  Double tags bring in Riley and Cena and John initiates his ending sequence.  Before 5 Knuckle Shuffle he takes out Miz.  The champ picks up his title to leave as Cena hits the FU on Riley.  Tag brings in Sin Cara who TOTALLY misses a springboard moonsault which is enough to end this at 10:30.

Rating: C+. Not a terrible match but Cara still looks really shaky out there and can’t hit some very basic spots.  If not for the sake of a quick camera edit that ending would have looked completely unrealistic and even with it the move looked bad.  Cara is trying but he looks like he’s about to go flying to the floor any second.  Not a good sign to be sure.

Nikki Bella vs. Eve Torres

Brie says that she wants a rematch but Eve might get drafted to Smackdown.  Not really any kind of a threat or anything but just kind of a statement of fact.  Eve misses a baseball slide to Nikki as she’s in a Tree of Woe to let Nikki take over.  Brie I think tries to slam Eve’s knee into the apron but the contact doesn’t seem to be there.  Nikki misses a double knee drop and Eve gets a rollup to end it at 1:48.

Eve poses after her win and Cole cuts it off.  He’s going to be knighted next.

Back with Cole in the ring and he calls out Swagger.  Jack comes out in a suit holding what looks like a robe over his arm.  Swagger doesn’t look mad at him after last week.  They hug so I guess everything is ok.  Swagger pulls out a scroll and botches saying “Hear Ye” by saying “Hear He”.  Tonight we add a new item to his hall of fame career as he becomes Sir Michael Cole.

Swagger brings out a woman that is called Queen Elizabeth.  The fans boo loudly as she reads whatever proclamation she has and taps him on the shoulders with the sword.  Cole kisses the queen and tries to start a Sir Michael Cole chant.  The fans reply by chanting sucks.  Cole says to show respect because they’re all his peasants.  And speaking of peasants, he turns his attention to JR and the King.  Isn’t a King ahead of a knight?

Cole says they should kiss his feet.  Cole takes his shoe and sock off, revealing a disgusting looking foot that looks like it’s dirty and infected or something.  Swagger takes Lawler out and then grabs Ross.  JR of course refuses so the ankle lock goes on and down goes Ross onto the foot.  Cole and Swagger stand tall.

Punk vs. Orton later tonight.

Santino Marella vs. Sheamus

Cole and Matthews on commentary now as this is what, the 7^th or 8^th week in a row that the same team doesn’t finish commentary?  Sheamus says this might be his last chance to embarrass Santino due to the draft.  The Champion sends Santino into the corner and takes over with ease.  Powerslam is reversed and that’s about it for this sequence by Santino.

Off to that crossface chickenwing on the mat but Marella fights back up.  An elbow drop leads to a similar version of the same hold.  Total dominance for the first few minutes until Santino dodges a charge in the corner.  He loads up the Cobra but falls down in the process.  Brogue Kick ends this clean at 3:28.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here and a way to get Sheamus on the show.  Santino is a rare breed of jobber where he can lose time after time but keep his credibility based solely on his comedy.  Not much of a match but at the same time it wasn’t supposed to be.  Kind of surprised that Santino got in literally no offense.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Punk grabs a headlock to start and the fans chant in a dueling fashion.  Orton stomps Punk down in the corner which doesn’t last long at all.  Punk fires off some knees to the head and a running one puts the Viper down.  Orton comes back and gets his powerslam to set up the RKO.  Punk shoves him off and we take a break.

Back with Punk slamming Orton and dropping a knee.  Off to a front facelock and Orton can’t seem to reverse it.  We get a GTS/RKO chant as Punk keeps up his offense.  We go out to the floor for a bit as Punk wants to know if he can get a pin out there.  Back in and it’s off to a modified triangle choke.  Orton bites the fingers to escape.  Punk tries a bulldog which is reversed into a belly to back suplex as we’re back to about even.

The bulldog hits this time and it gets two.  Punk is all frustrated since getting bitten on the hand.  He fires off some kicks but walks into the Orton backbreaks and an Angle Slam for two.  Punk clotheslines him on the top rope as we get another dueling chant.  Springboard clothesline gets two.  Punk goes up, only to get caught by a superplex for a long two.  Punk rolls to the apron which is a bad idea against Orton.  Elevated DDT is reversed into a GTS attempt.  That is countered into an RKO attempt but Punk gets a kick to the head.  Another GTS attempt is countered into a rollup for the pin at 15:44.

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match here but it certainly wasn’t enough to save the show.  They were trying and gave us a pretty good match but it wasn’t as good as their Mania match.  This was the standard long match to end a TV show and send the fans home happy which is fine, but I’d like to see Punk get one win over Orton in this feud.  Not bad, but nothing classic.

Post match the New Nexus hits the ring for the big beatdown.  Batista’s Welsh son hits his Rock Bottom/Side Effect finisher to leave Orton laying.  McGillicutty and Otunga want to do something of their own but Ryan says Orton is his.  Ryan sets for a punt but Punk wants the honor.  After taking forever, Punk charges into an RKO to end the show.  Nice ending.

Overall Rating: D. This didn’t do it for me at all.  I know it’s a show over in London so things are a bit different, but at the same time a lot of this felt like it was completely lacking.  There wasn’t a main point to most of tonight other than I guess you could say Truth’s turn.  Cole’s segment didn’t really do anything other than make him look like a bad guy which we’ve known for a long time now.  Nothing of note here and I wasn’t impressed at all.

Results

John Morrison b. R-Truth – Starship Pain

Dolph Ziggler b. Evan Bourne – Zig Zag

Sin Cara/John Cena b. The Miz/Alex Riley – Springboard moonsault to Riley

Eve Torres b. Nikki Bella – Rollup

Randy Orton b. CM Punk – Rollup

Lockdown 2011
Date: April 17, 2011
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

We’ve finally arrived here at the second biggest show of the year for TNA.  The main event is the world title triple threat with Sting vs. Anderson vs. RVD in something eerily similar to what happened on 10-10-10.  As you probably know, the catch here is that every match is in a cage.  I had a chance to go to this but after the mess that was Victory Road I passed.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the main three matches: the title match, Lethal Lockdown and Kurt vs. Jeff.  I really hope the last of those three ends tonight.  There’s a theme of blood in the video which I think we’ll see a lot of tonight.

Chris Sabin vs. Robbie E vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Max Buck vs. Amazing Red vs. Jay Lethal vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Suicide

Winner is #1 contender.  Pin/submission until we get down to two and then it’s escape.  This is the Xscape match.  Get it?  The guys have to tag in and out here which is actually a big upgrade in this.  I’m not going to try to keep track of who is in there and what is going on, at least not at the beginning.  Jeremy vs. Lethal at the moment with Lethal in control.  Lethal Combination puts Jeremy down but it’s off to Max and Suicide.

GOOD NIGHT Cookie is loud.  Robbie comes in and goes after the arm of Suicide….getting the pin with it.  Well that was unexpected.  The fans boo loudly at that and it’s Jersey vs. Jersey.  Robbie tags out to Sabin and both guys get beaten down.  Shelley is back soon apparently.  Sabin and Lethal have a nice crisp sequence and Red makes a blind tag.  Missile dropkick to Sabin but Red can’t kick Lethal.  Handspring elbow is blocked and Red grabs a sunset bomb out of nowhere to get us down to six.

If you’re confused, Lethal and Suicide are out and the Bucks, Sabin, Red, Robbie and Kendrick are left.  Red is tossed into the air and lands on the top.  The flippies can’t save him though as Cradle Shock (love that move) and a big running clothesline get us down to five.  Max comes in and if it sounds like this is in fast forward it’s more or less because it is.  Kendrick is sitting down bobbing his head back and forth as usual.

Max rolls up Sabin to put him out and it’s off to Kendrick.  He has a robe on and Robbie runs him over.  Both guys go out after Kendrick hits a big old cross body and it’s time for Buck vs. Buck.  Jeremy GOES OFF on Max, ramming him into the cage multiple times and getting a Trouble in Paradise kick.  Multiple right hands follow and Max grabs a CHEAP rollup to put Jeremy out.  I’ve never heard a crowd so quiet for a pin in my life.

Final three are Max Buck, Kendrick and Robbie.  The two heels lawn dart Kendrick into the cage which wakes him up somehow.  He massacres both guys with a ton of kicks and various other offense.  A big kick puts Robbie out and we’re down to Max vs. Kendrick, escape to win.  Kendrick tries to climb out but gets caught, allowing Max to take over for a bit.  Max rams Kendrick in a bunch of times which doesn’t seem to hurt him.  They fight on the top rope with Kendrick shoving him off and going up.  Max shoves the referee into Kendrick to knock him down and climbs out in record time to end it.  Totally wrong winner.

Rating: C. Match went too long here and the crowd is thoroughly killed because of it.  Not a bad match but the problem again is that this takes too long to get through seven different eliminations.  It could have been worse but at the same time they didn’t have a huge spotfest which is what a match like this is supposed to be.  Not bad, but not what it should have been.

The announcers run down the card but gets cut off by Bischoff who is in a t-shirt and jeans which is a rare look for him.  His arms are bulging out of the shirt.  Tenay and Taz bicker like an old married couple over the first bit of Eric’s talking.  He says he’s going to tell us why he’s here in a few minutes.  People come up to him and ask him what matters most about this business and he’s going to tell us.  Great heat on Bischoff here.

Tonight is special because Immortal is going to take care of Fourtune.  The fans chant WE WANT WRESTLING and I agree.  Bischoff sucks up to Hogan (big pop for his name) who is going to get the world title back in his grasp.  Bischoff gets to play a small role in that and that is all that matters to him.  Total waste of about 7 minutes which I’m sure if foreshadowing to something.

Steiner and Crimson are getting ready and Crimson says he’s glad Scott is watching his back.  Steiner rambles incoherently of course.

Ink Inc vs. Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Orlando Jordan/Eric Young vs. British Invasion

Jordan’s outfit of the night is a Tarzan leopard print kind of deal.  I think this is one fall to a finish.  Young vs. Neal to start us off with Young immediately trying to escape which isn’t an option for winning.  Neal with some arm drags followed by Young with an arm drag leading to a standoff.  Moore comes in and takes over with basic heel stuff.

Williams and Jordan get tags at the same time and it’s off to Magnus very quickly.  Jordan does various dirty things to Magnus while beating both Brits up.  Off to Neal again as this is moving too fast, namely due to having too many people in the match again.  The Brits beat down Neal for a bit and a double back elbow gets two.  Double neckbreaker gets no count as Moore makes the save.

The crowd wants Steiner so we keep going with Neal vs. Magnus because the crowd wasn’t quite dead enough.  Neal breaks free and tags Crimson when he was wide open to tag either.  After Crimson beats on Williams for a bit we FINALLY get Steiner and a roar.  Steiner cleans house with his traditional stuff, including belly to bellies all around.  He goes for the pin on Williams but Moore distracts him.

Young tries to jump Steiner and Crimson is fine with his partner fighting off four or five guys.  Shannon makes a blind tag to bring himself in.  He dances around Scott and then chokes away in the corner.  Young takes his pants off to reveal some tiny tiger print tights.  And so much for that as a jumping back elbow takes him down.

Everything breaks down as Moore hits a moonsault press to Williams, Young hits the Gender Bender to Young, Crimson hits Red Alert to Jordan, Magnus hits….something like a Michinoku Driver to Jordan, Steiner hits a t-bone on Magnus, Young hits a missile dropkick to Steiner….and then tries to escape again.  Rolling Chaos to Moore is blocked and the Mooregasm ends Williams and gives Ink Inc the win.  I give up.

Rating: D. Dudes, I beg of you: GIVE THE FANS SOMETHING TO CHEER FOR!  Steiner was over beyond belief and was in the match for all of a minute.  The opening 45 minutes of this show should be a lesson in how to kill a crowd.  Nothing has been interesting and the best match has been ok at best.  Well done TNA: you’ve proven me right so far.

Madison tells Tara to stay in the back for the match tonight.

We recap Madison vs. Mickie.  Basically Madison has been champion forever and beat Mickie earlier in the year.  This is title vs. hair.  Madison and Tara ran Mickie down with a motorcycle so Mickie’s shoulder is hurt.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne

Mickie’s shoulder is taped and Madison can’t get her tiara off.  At least the girls both look great.  Mickie jumps Madison as the bell rings and sends her into the cage three times within the first twenty seconds.  Jumping DDT and we’re done in 30 seconds.

Matt Morgan says he’s going to get back on track tonight and Carbon Footprint Hernandez back to Mexico.  Please let this be the ending to this stupid feud.

We recap Joe vs. Pope with the whole Okato stuff which was idiotic beyond belief.  In short, Pope was caught doing naughty things with his donations as Joe had a Japanese friend of his named Okada (later Okato) film him.  Pope beat up Okato and this is their 3^rd or 4^th match.

D’Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe

Joe is in red and blue which is an odd look on him.  The Joe’s Gonna Kill You chant is always cool to hear.  Pope hits a powerslam which is no sold as Joe drills Pope with ease.  Tenay says that it’s all about the strikes with the Samoan SUBMISSION Machine.  Pope gets what looked like a low blow to finally slow down the rampaging Joe.  Joe gets a chop in and Pope tries to run.  The key word there is try as they wind up on top of the cage and a headbutt sends Pope’s balls into the top rope.

That hole in the cage they use for the camera is always awesome.  As Joe hits some face washes the camera goes wide again for no apparent reason.  Joe comes with a running kick but Pope pulls the referee in the way to avoid it.  Pope fights up and lands some crossface shots to take over.  We hit the chinlock with Joe in some trouble.  Joe fights up and tries a sleeper, only to get caught in an STO for two.

ENOUGH WITH THE WIDE SHOT ALREADY!  Snap powerslam by Joe and both guys are down so we go wide again.  This is getting annoying.  They slug it out with Joe winning by slapping harder.  Big Boot by the big fat tub of goo sets up a backsplash for two.  Leg lariat off the top gets two.  Muscle Buster hits but Pope gets his foot on the ropes.

Pope goes up and gets his tights pulled down in the process.  He finally pulls them up and knocks Joe to the mat.  Top rope elbow gets one and a Codebreaker gets two.  DDE is caught because it’s an awful finisher and Joe sends him into the cage.  Muscle Buster sets up the Clutch and it’s over.  Well that was abrupt.

Rating: C+. Best match of the night so far and it was just ok at best.  Now please, LET THIS BE OVER.  The feud has been a waste of the last four months for both guys and the matches haven’t been anything special.  This wasn’t anything great overall but it wasn’t too bad.  The right guy won at least so it has that going for it.

Christy tries to talk to Mexican America and they do the usual thing of talking half in English and half in Spanish.  Just get this over with.

We recap the Morgan vs. Hernandez feud.  In short, Morgan is awesome and Hernandez is being a jerk and they used to be partners.  That’s about all there is to it.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

Battle of the giants here even though one of the giants is 6’2.  I’m not sure how well that plays but they both look big so it works out fine.  Anarquia reaches through the cage to pull Morgan’s leg and give Hernandez the advantage.  Hernandez hammers away and we hit the nerve hold.  Dude get your racial stereotypes straight.  That’s a Samoan move.

Basically they’re having a regular match in a cage which is part of the problem with this show every year.  Running shoulder in the corner by Hernandez and he poses a lot again.  Either Morgan is legit hurt or Hernandez is really stupid as he’s walked around for about 30 seconds now.  Morgan pops up with a discus lariat to put both guys down for a bit.

Here’s Morgan’s comeback which is just ok.  Backdrop suplex gets two.  Hernandez ends that with something like a headbutt to the ribs for two.  Morgan avoids a charge to send Hernandez into the cage.  The girls climb up on the cage as does Anarquia.  Down goes the dude and Hernandez tries to come off the top.  Morgan catches him with a really bad looking Carbon Footpring to end this.

Rating: D. Boring match here again as nothing worked in it again.  Morgan never got anything going for the most part and the ending was weak looking.  Again though the right guy won and hopefully that ends the feud.  Boring match again as one more time I’m glad I didn’t go to this show.

The girls complain about TNA and America cheating them again.  They say they should be Knockout Champion and that they’re better than everyone.  After they complain a lot here’s Velvet to beat them both up.  She throws them out and that’s about it.

Karen says Jeff Jarrett is awesome and she has nothing to be worried about.

We recap Kurt vs. Jarrett.  Basically it’s because of Karen who blames Kurt for all kinds of problems and legitimately married Kurt’s boss.  This feud has gone on FOREVER (some of you may be noticing a pattern here) and hopefully it ends here.  This is one of those instances where they’re trying to make real life into an angle and while it’s interesting, that doesn’t mean it should be done.  There was a wedding ceremony that Kurt busted up with an ax which was awesome.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett

First fall is submission only, second is pin only, third is escape the cage.  Should be awesome.  Karen is ejected before the match starts which is a nice plus.  Angle gets a headlock to start us off which is broken up quickly.  There are only three matches left and we have almost 90 minutes left so this is going to get a lot of time.  Snap suplex puts Jeff down as Kurt hammers away.

Leg sweep takes Kurt down and it’s a Figure Four less than two minutes in.  Not a very good one but a figure four nonetheless.  The referee, ever the genius, counts Kurt’s shoulders in a submission match.  Kurt turns it over and hooks a t-bone suplex into the ankle lock.  That doesn’t last long as Jarrett grabs a sleeper.  Jeff sends Kurt into the corner shoulder first and adds an enziguri to the shoulder (which doesn’t work as enziguri means head kick but you get the idea).  Cross armbreaker goes on and Kurt is able to roll out of it and lock on the ankle lock with the grapevine to get the early submission.

Jeff sends him into the cage and hits the Stroke for two.  I thought that would have been a fall actually.  Jeff has a top rope cross body rolled through for two.  Double clothesline puts both guys down.  They slug it out and it’s boo/yay time.  Belly to belly by Kurt gets two.  Rolling Germans hear my cry!  The third is blocked by a low blow though which Jeff distracts the referee for.  If it’s pin only, why would he have to distract the referee?

Another Stroke is countered into a shot into the cage and an Angle Slam for of course just two.  Jeff goes up and is caught in a belly to belly off the top for a long two.  The crowd is FINALLY getting into this.  They’ve been dead the entire time here which is a shame as this has been a fairly good match so far.  Kurt wakes up and busts out a Diamond Cutter of all things.  That has to be a shot at Randy Orton.  And Jeff rolls Kurt up with tights to tie it up.  No bell or anything and the announcement is delayed, so no one really got that it was a fall.

Third is escape only and Jeff tries to unlock the door.  There’s a key in there if you’re wondering.  Jeff sends Kurt into the cage multiple times and goes for the key again.  Ok the door is unlocked now.  Slowest Rolling Germans ever has Jeff reeling though.  There were five in that set and thankfully the crowd responds to it a bit.  Just like last year, Kurt is ready to go and Jeff couldn’t stop him but he comes back in.  He gets to the bottom step twice and come back in.

Kurt locks the door and puts the key down his singlet.  Jeff is panicking so Kurt beats on him a bit more.  Jeff is the first person to bleed tonight and it’s flowing down his face.  They head to the top rope and Kurt hammers him down.  Angle climbs up but Jeff catches him with a powerbomb off the top of the cage which is botched and Kurt lands on the top of his head, probably killing him.  And of course he pops up to catch Jarrett leaving and hits an Angle Slam off the top.  Kurt tries to leave but lost the key somewhere.  Not a good sign when there’s so much room in your tights that you can’t find a big metal object buddy.

Gunner comes out with a chair to keep Kurt from leaving so Kurt pulls a Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga spot and throws out the moonsault to Jeff.  I think his head hit Jarrett so it’s better than nothing.  Steiner runs out to chase off Gunner as both guys are down.  Kurt finds the key and unlocks the door but Karen bounces down and sprays something in Kurt’s eyes.

The blind Angle drills the referee and Karen hides by the door.  Jeff tries to escape but gets caught in the ankle lock.  Karen slips him a guitar from somewhere and pops Kurt with it.  Kurt gets up AGAIN and puts the ankle lock on Jeff one more time but Karen slams the door on Angle’s head to let Jeff fall out to end this finally.  You have got to be kidding me.  Are they trying to have a mass murder in Cincinnati tonight?

Rating: B. Le sigh.  Blast it all as they managed to screw up ANOTHER finish.  The match wasn’t great but it was definitely the best of the night.  The crowd hurt this a lot and the ending wasn’t all that great.  It’s Angle vs. Jarrett.  HOW CAN YOU OVERBOOK KURT ANGLE VS. JEFF JARRETT????????  Not a great match as some people will say but good.  The problem is the first two falls were weak and it hurt this a lot.

We recap the world title match.  Basically Sting came back to win the title and screw over Hogan in the process.  RVD was stripped of the title last year due to being injured by Abyss.  Anderson is ticked off by not getting a one on one title rematch.  There’s a possibility that someone is joining Immortal also but it’s really not clear.  Hogan has declared war apparently.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

Anderson gets in both guys’ faces and is drilled for his efforts.  Stinger Splash in the corner sets up the Scorpion a minute in but RVD breaks it up.  Van Dam fights Sting for a bit until Anderson pulls the rope down to send Rob into the cage.  Sting fights both of them and puts the Scorpion on both guys at the same time.  It’s as out there as it seems.  They both get the ropes as I’m not entirely sure how effective that move would have had but it was a nice idea at least.

Van Dam and Sting collide and everyone is down.  Neckbreaker to Van Dam gets two.  Double Mic Check has everyone down.  It gets two on both guys twice each.  Only in wrestling is 2+2+2+2 not good enough to get to 3.  Van Dam kicks Anderson down and the Five Star gets two.  So we’ve now established that 8 and 5 aren’t worth three.

Double clothesline puts everyone down……and here’s Hogan.  Hogan hands RVD the pipe and RVD takes it.  He isn’t sure what to do with it so he throws it at Hogan.  Anderson picks it up and pops RVD with it, shouting at Hogan that it was for him and not for Hogan.  Sting sneaks up on him and gets the Death Drop on Anderson to retain.  Yep that’s really it.

Rating: C. This was SHORT.  It wasn’t any good either but that’s beside the point.  There were more references to Brooke Hogan than anything else for the most part here.  Not a terrible match but dude, I was expecting something epic here and again it was rather short.  Not much of a match at all as it was mainly finishers and laying down.  Granted I’m not a fan of three ways for the most part but this felt like something that belonged on Impact and not a major PPV.

Hogan says he and Sting will go at it on his time.  Why do I have a feeling that’s Bound For Glory?

Immortal vs. Foutune

Lethal Lockdown here.  It’s Wargames for you old school fans.  Fourtune is Roode, Storm, Kaz and Daniels.  Immortal is Bully Ray, Matt Hardy, Abyss and Ric Flair.  Yes, Flair is main eventing this show.  Both teams send in a man for five minutes.  After five minutes Immortal sends in their second man for a two minute advantage (they won a best of three series on Impact to earn that).

After two minutes we add in another member of Fourtune to even the odds.  Two minutes after that we add in another member of Immortal to give them a 3-2 advantage.  You alternate every two minutes until it’s 4-4 and then a roof covered in weapons comes down.  Then it’s first fall wins.

We start off with Kaz and Abyss with the monster taking over early via a chokeslam.  Ray keeps shouting mess up his pretty face.  Matt says mangle him.  All Abyss so far until Kaz reverses a shot into the cage and fires off a right hand.  Top rope rana hits as we somehow have done four minutes so far.  Kaz (that has to be close enough for a copyright suit from Taz) hammers down Abyss and it’s Matt in next.

Side Effect misses and Kaz hammers on Matt for as long as he can.  He’s not paying attention to Abyss though as he hits a springboard rotating legdrop to Matt.  Fade to Black is countered as Abyss is back up with 1:20 to go.  Matt gets the Ice Pick (double underhook choke) to Kaz and Abyss pounds away a bit more on top of it.  Matt, ever the genius, lets go of the hold.  Side Effect puts Kaz down as we wait for the next person to come in.

The fourth man in is Daniels who hammers on Abyss.  BME crushes the masked dude and Matt is taken down by a knee from the top.  Fourtune takes over as the fans chant for Flair.  Ask and ye shall receive as Flair is actually going to be in there for awhile.  That man is absolutely insane.  He has to be.  He and Abyss work over Kaz as Matt beats up Daniels.

Storm has some beer before heading in third for his team.  Beer to the face and it’s Codebreakers and Backstabbers all around.  Flair gets on his knees in front of Storm and begs for mercy before having a beer bottle cracked over his head.  Oh yep Flair is busted.  Flair is in a suit without the shirt by the way.  There go his pants and he gets spanked a bit.  Why is it always HIM that this happens to?

Bully Ray is the freaking clean up hitter for Fourtune and Flair is getting more and more undressed as this goes on.  Roode is waiting in the aisle with 45 seconds to go.  Immortal beats them down until Roode comes in to SILENCE.  This crowd has been dead all night.  Roode shouts FOURTUNE and hits a Blockbuster on Abyss.  The roof hasn’t come down yet but as Fourtune takes over here it comes.

Double suplex to Abyss by Beer Money sets up their shout.  The roof coming down takes long enough to let Jeff Hardy get pinned three times.  Don’t bother showing us what’s going on in the ring right now.  We need to see a roof coming down.  Fourtune has weapons and the beating is on.  We go split screen with one screen having a regular shot of the cage where you can see everything.  Brilliant guys.  Brilliant.

Abyss is knocked out through the door and Matt goes up top.  I really hope he doesn’t break the roof.  Daniels goes up with him as Flair screams a lot.  Daniels loads up Angel’s Wings but Matt blocks hit.  He backdrops Daniels who literally has to grab the roof to hang on with his legs off the cage.  Storm throws the door open to give his feet something to grip on.  Matt hits the Twist of Hate as Flair is literally covered in blood.  MATT FALLS OFF THE CAGE.  I mean he flew off and they didn’t show him afterwards.  That’s scary stuff man.

A bunch of near falls follow and Roode gets a spinebuster on Flair for two.  Daniels dives off the cage onto Abyss and Matt who thankfully were there to catch him.  How is Matt still live?  Roode puts the Figure Four on Flair but Roode makes the save at the last second.  Flair and Ray take their turns with kendo sticks on everyone as Daniels is somehow back in the ring.

Ray says this is for your good friend AJ which brings AJ himself out to the ring for the big beatdown on Ray.  Well there’s your match next month at whatever the next PPV is.  Everyone beats on Flair and Roode throws on an armbar for the surprisingly quick tap out.  Well at least there wasn’t a major turn.

Rating: B. Good match here with some flat out scary shots.  The problem here was that they got caught in the same trap that they always did in this match: the opening WarGames stuff means nothing once we get down to the weapons part.  The spots were enough to make your jaw drop but it wasn’t the best match in the series.  Granted these aren’t usually great.  The ending made sense with AJ making his return, but it was kind of expected.

Overall Rating: D+. Well this was disappointing.  It’s not the worst show I’ve ever seen and is light years ahead of Victory Road (this had an actual main event) but it was nothing compared to what they had built it up to be.  The world title is more or less a throwaway match which is never a god thing.  The main event is ok because it was a major gimmick match but it was nothing great.  The dead crowd didn’t help things either.

The whole thing felt weak to me and that’s certainly not a good thing given what they’ve been doing the past few months.  Disappointing show and a sign of things to come I’m afraid.  Also, this points to more Hogan and Bischoff being the focus of the show, which doesn’t do a thing for newcomers, which is what they need right now.

Results

Max Buck b. Jeremy Buck, Amazing Red, Chris Sabin, Brian Kendrick, Robbie E, Jay Lethal and Suicide – Buck escaped the cage

Ink Inc b. Scott Steiner/Crimson, Orlando Jordan/Eric Young and British Invasion – Mooregasm to Williams

Mickie James b. Madison Rayne – Jumping DDT

Samoa Joe b. D’Angelo Dinero – Koquina Clutch

Matt Morgan b. Hernandez – Carbon Footprint

Jeff Jarrett b. Kurt Angle – Jarrett escaped the cage

Sting b. Mr. Anderson and Rob Van Dam – Scorpion Death Drop to Anderson

Fourtune b. Immortal – Roode made Flair submit to a Fujiwara Armbar

Brawl To End It All
Date: July 23, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon

This is one of the most important events in wrestling history. Back in 1983 Lou Albano appeared in the music video for Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper. An angle was written to promote WWF television and the song by having Albano sound sexist. Lauper, one of the biggest stars in the world at the time, came to the WWF to argue with Albano.

Much like Trump vs. McMahon at Mania 23, both picked representatives for their match. Lauper picked a young wrestler named Wendi Richter and Albano picked the Fabulous Moolah. They would have a Women’s Title match to main event this show. Keep in mind Moolah had held the title since the late 50s (allegedly).

The importance here is that this was broadcast on MTV and gave unprecedented exposure to the company. It would lead to another show called The War To Settle The Score, which in turn led to the mother of all shows and the ultimate blowoff to the Rock N Wrestling Connection: the first Wrestlemania. Like I said, this is incredibly important so let’s get to it.

There were eleven matches on the card but ten were dark matches. This was literally a one match show as it was only an hour long special on MTV.

While this is only a one match television broadcast, thanks to the power of the internet I’ve managed to track down a decent chunk of the card which wasn’t broadcast on television. This was likely shown on a syndicated show later.

Tag Titles: Sgt. Slaughter/Terry Daniels vs. Dick Murdoch/Adrian Adonis

I think you know who the champions are here. Daniels and Slaughter are a military themed team kind of. The referee is rather short. Fans flipping off Adonis in 1984 is weird to see. Murdoch and Slaughter start us off and never mind as it’s Daniels starting for the challengers. This is a very different era of tag wrestling as the Expresses haven’t set up the classic formula yet so if this sounds weird it probably was.

Slaughter vs. Adonis now and it’s impressive to hear how popular Slaughter is. Daniels comes in and is rather fast. Murdoch has some kind of a foreign object which might have been thrown in by a fan. Daniels works the arm as this isn’t much so far. The fans chant USA for four American wrestlers. Are Murdoch and Adonis just not patriotic for some reason?

Things speed up a good bit until Adonis hits an elbow to take Daniels down. Slaughter has barely been in this. In a nice counter Slaughter jumps up on the ropes to prevent Daniels from ramming into the buckle. Hot tag to the Sarge and it’s on all over again. And so much for that as it’s back to Daniels and the KKK member.

Murdoch gets a sweet hold in as he had Daniels’ arm over his own shoulder and lifts him up onto his back, bending the shoulder over his own shoulder. I know that sounds confusing but it looks painful. Slaughter comes in and cleans house. He gets the Cobra Clutch on Murdoch but Adonis gets a knee in to break it up.

Everything breaks down as the fans are getting way into this. Murdoch gets a top rope knee to the back of Daniels as the referee is with Slaughter to get the pin and keep the titles. Slaughter beats down the champions after the match ends.

Rating: D+. Kind of boring at times and a good bit too long at nearly 20 minutes but this was watchable. The North/South Connection was a solid team but the times were changing as new teams were coming to change the course of tag wrestling forever. This was ok but really not that great at all.

Intercontinental Title: Bob Orton vs. Tito Santana

This should be good. I’m a big Santana fan so I like the sound of this as Orton was a very solid guy back in the day. No promos here as we just get going. The belt is still green here which was a theme going on back in the day. Well when I say get going I mean slowly feel each other out. Tito has the belt here of course. Nice little power battle to start as Santana gets to show off a bit.

Gene says Santana will be tested this week, implying it’s just the standard TV show on MSG. Mostly Tito here as Orton keeps trying to run. He works the heck out of the arm of Orton as you can tell we’re going to be out here for a long time. You can see Orton thinking in there and it’s rather impressive. Orton goes nuts and literally prances over for a running stomp. He had wanted a knee drop but Santana moved so he had to switch and hop one more time, making it look much funnier.

Big powerslam gets two for Orton. He works over mainly the back but kind of shifts around. Lots of old school stalling here from Randy’s dad. Santana is all like screw that and pops Orton in the jaw. Orton gets a nice Perfectplex from his knees which looked awesome. Orton goes for a top rope Vader Bomb which eats knees.

Tito gets all fired up and makes his big comeback. He just grabs Orton’s head and slams him into the mat. I love that. It’s so basic but it certainly would hurt. Abdominal stretch goes on which is an old move that was far more impressive back then. And so much for that as Orton gets one of his own. Very back and forth match here.

Tito gets a small package for two. Forearm misses though and Orton takes back over. Very solid stuff so far. Tito counters a Piledriver and both guys are down. We get a bit more brawling and there’s the bell for the time limit draw. Gene does in fact confirm that there was a bell. They brawl more after it’s over with Tito dominating.

Rating: B+. I really liked this. The IC Title back then was more or less the wrestler’s title and this was no exception. These two just beat the crud out of each other with neither guy being able to really get an advantage going for that long. Tito could get a crowd into his matches very easily and he did so here. This was awesome back and forth stuff with 20 minutes flying by. Great match.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine was a much bigger deal back in this era, even “being awarded” the WWF Title once in a big mess that was a pretty decent story. Anyway let’s get to this. We get promos from both guys. Valentine says Hogan is going to feel his wrath. There’s a reason he rarely talked. Albano is his manager. This guy was BUSY back then.

Hogan had only been champion about 6 months at this point so his title reign wasn’t really huge yet. Eye of the Tiger for his music at this point along with the white tights. Sweet GOODNESS Hogan is over. The song fits perfectly here, almost better than Real American. What was up with the five bell strikes after everything Fink said? Hammer jumps Hogan and we’re on.

Oh come on it’s 1984 like that’s going to work at all. This is Hogan back when he was in his 20s so he’s moving incredibly well. Scratch that actually as he’s 31 here. It’s so weird to think that his big break didn’t come until he was that old. It just comes off as strange in today’s era of people being world champion by their mid 20s.

Valentine reverses a headlock into a suplex to take some control. Hogan takes back over a bit later with just pure power. He even throws in a shoulderbreaker to mess with our heads a bit. We hit the floor and it’s all Hogan. Valentine jumps him as he gets back in and Gene says it’s because Valentine is a capitalist. Ok then.

A chinlock has our hero in trouble. Hogan does the always funny finger shake of no before the comeback. He throws some left hands which are weird to see from him. Valentine gets some chair shots to the knee and the referee is ok with it I guess. Figure four is blocked twice so Valentine just punches him. Rather than Hulking Up Hogan just hits Valentine as he’s coming off the top and drops the leg to retain. It was a different time I guess.

Rating: C+. Nothing that special here as it’s really just a standard Hogan title defense. It’s not bad or anything but it’s just Hogan out there doing his thing and not really looking like he’s in that much trouble. Still though he was moving very well out there and had the place rocking so I’ll give him something for that. Decent match and fine for a basic title defense.

Battle Royal

Sika, Luis Rivera, Butcher Vachon, Antonio Inoki, Tony Garea, Jay Strongbow, Afa, Steve Lombardi, Dick Murdoch, Bob Orton, Adrian Adonis, Rene Goulet, Ron Shaw, Charlie Fulton, Terry Daniels, Iron Sheik, Tito Santana, Paul Orndorff, Sgt. Slaughter, Samu

This is of the 20 man persuasion and is the last match before we go on MTV. In other words, everyone that was on the card tonight other than Hogan and Valentine and Backlund plus three other guys that I don’t feel like figuring out. Slaughter goes right after Sheik and of course it’s too nuts to really call. Lombardi is out. Orndorff’s tights say O. P. Isn’t that backwards?

Orndorff is gone as Gene isn’t on commentary here. Strongbow is out and looks very old. Slaughter and Daniels are partners so they’re working together. Orton hits the floor twice but never over the top. Ok scratch that as he and Sheik are gone. Scratch that scratching as Orton is still in. Vachon is out.

This is of course very slow paced with not much going on at all. Adonis is gone and he’s ticked off about it. And of course he won’t leave. He’s still a biker dude at this point. Murdoch is gone and won’t leave either. Ok so he’s not out. This is confusing. Fulton is out. Not a lot is happening at all here. The Samoans are dominating for the most part.

Ok so Adonis is still in too? What the world is going on? He goes out AGAIN but through the second rope this time. Shaw was eliminated and is back in anyway. Santana keeps Goulet from putting Slaughter out. Adonis, Slaughter and Murdoch all go out in about 4 seconds. There are about 10 left. Afa goes out and that gives us ten.

Tito is out and so is Sika. Rivera goes out and I can’t really tell who is left. Daniels gets us down to six when he goes out. Samu goes out I think and it’s Inoki, Goulet, Orton, Shaw and Garea. If you can’t get the winner from that list you have no business reading this list. Enziguri puts out Orton in some of the funniest selling I can ever remember. Garea is put out, leaving only Inoki as a face in there. Heel miscommunication puts Shaw out and Inoki wins easily.

Rating: D. Boring match here but the crowd was hot for it. This was just to give the fans something to get excited about as we went to the MTV show. Battle royals are usually solid for getting a crowd going and this was no exception. Boring match but the crowd liked it so I guess it did its job.

There were 6 other matches, none of which were anything of note with all but one being a squash.

After a TV intro and a recap of the feud we’re ready to go. I think this might have been only a half an hour long.

Moolah says she’s a legend and this is going to be easy.

Women’s Title: Wendi Richter vs. Fabulous Moolah

Moolah looks old. Richter looks insane but this is the 80s so that makes sense. Nuclear heat on Albano. Lauper is at ringside too which gets a huge pop. Moolah throws her out onto the announce table almost immediately. Moolah probably had a hand in training Richter so this should be a pretty bad clash of styles.

Lauper’s manager is on commentary and can’t talk that well which is expected I guess. Richter gets an armbar to maintain control. Both miss dropkicks as it’s odd to see this being the big blowoff to a major feud as the feature contest. Albano’s ramblings are rather funny.

In a funny moment Richter gets her neck snapped over the ropes and Gene shouts OH SNAP! Rather sloppy match here as Moolah gets hung upside down in the ropes. She stays there for a good while until Albano saves her. Ok so he’s just trying to as it doesn’t work at all. Finally she’s out thanks to the referee.

Full nelson to Moolah and Cyndi pops up on the apron. And now she’s down. Was there a point to that at all? Lauper hits Moolah in the face with…something and the referee is fine with this I guess. Ok then. Suplex gets two for Wendi. This has been almost dominance by Richter here.

Moolah gets a monkey flip for two, as in back to back one counts. That was odd looking. She takes over a bit and pulls Wendi up off a backdrop which is one of her finishers. Why it was one of her finishers I’m not sure but whatever. Albano misses a wild punch and Moolah continues her dominance.

Belly to back with a bridge gets the pin but we’re not sure whose shoulders were down. Ah ok Moolah got pinned. Really don’t like that booking as Wendi needed the definitive pin to make this work. Moolah and Albano beat up the referee after the match. Richter and company celebrate to end the show.

Rating: C-. The match sucked but that wasn’t the point. This was for the big blowoff and we got it. This match was really just the appetizer and table setter for the big one coming up in February and then March. Nothing all that special but it’s better than a lot of what you would see today.

Overall Rating: C+. This is hard to grade. I didn’t want to take the other matches into account but it’s hard not to. The whole point of this was to have a big night on TV and it worked very well. The wrestling isn’t much at all but the rest of it I think worked as well as anything else was going to.

This is WWF’s first foray into national mainstream attention and I think it’s safe to say that worked. This is recommended for the historical aspects, but War to Settle the Score is far more important so keep that in mind. Weak wrestling but solid presentation.

Smackdown
Date: April 15, 2011
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Well all of a sudden this is a far different looking show.  As of Monday, Edge, the current World Heavyweight Champion, has to retire immediately due to neck problems.  Obviously this changes everything for both Extreme Rules and Smackdown as we’re going to have to crown a new champion.  I’d bet we’ll find out something about that tonight.  Let’s get to it.

This is a version where the commercials haven’t been edited in yet, so when they go to a break the match continues right where it left off so the traditional 3:30 won’t be added.  The show also has a long post main event segment which I’d bet is after the cameras went off and since the whole video is two hours, I doubt it’ll air on TV.  This is a bonus for you I suppose.

The opening video is of course about Edge and how he has to relinquish the title after retaining it at Wrestlemania.  The line used is destiny can change in the blink of an eye.

No theme song this week as Ricardo Rodriquez brings out Alberto.  The car of the night is a 1950 Rolls Royce.  He says his name but tonight isn’t about him.  WWE lost a hero on Monday.  He’s held more titles than anyone ever in company history, which is surprising for some reason.  It was Alberto’s destiny to be champion but he didn’t expect it like this.  He does however think it’s fair that the title be surrendered to him.

After a long delay, here’s Teddy.  No one is going to present Alberto with anything tonight.  Teddy says that Del Rio did win the right to fight in a ladder match at that PPV and that’s what he’s going to do.  The opponent for Alberto will be determined in tonight’s main event: a 20 man over the top rope battle royal.  Alberto says it’s a conspiracy.  This is in WWE, not TNA dude.  Del Rio takes credit for retiring Edge and Teddy says shut up and leaves.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Kofi Kingston

The rest of Corre is on commentary here.  Barrett says he won the title on his own and Slater isn’t sure he agrees.  Jackson shoves Kofi away to start and Barrett says Jackson isn’t all that smart.  Jackson is a scary looking man.  We talk about the battle royal a bit and Barrett says the Corre is going to work together to make sure Barrett gets the title shot.  Slater and Gabriel both disagree.

Booker says the back of Jackson’s head looks like a tsunami hit it.  Not the best choice of words there former King.  We hit the floor and Jackson press slams Kofi onto Corre, wiping them out.  Back into the ring, Kofi tries the SOS but Barrett tries to get in.  Jackson takes advantage of the distraction and hits his release Rock Bottom (and no I won’t call it a Uranage) to end this at 2:22.  Short and mostly dominant here.

Jackson says he’s going to dominate the battle royal tonight.  Well according to his own song everything he does in life he dominates.

We see Laycool’s couples counseling with a therapist that looks like Paul Giamatti.  Layla is holding Michelle’s hand for some reason and says they’re like Bert and Ernie or Thelmer (yes Thelmer) and Louise.  “So now you’re comparing us to two puppets and two characters that drove off a cliff?”  The bluntness in that made me chuckle.  Layla asks Michelle how her back is and Michelle says it’s hurt since she’s been carrying Layla since day one.  The doctor is shushed and Michelle rips into Layla and is a total jerk to her before leaving.  Layla was borderline face here.

Back to the arena with Cody in the ring with a hood over his face.  He doesn’t feel anything anymore and tonight he’s going to hurt Rey tonight in the battle royal.  Rey is a father and there may not be any monsters in his kids’ closets but he wants Rey to become the monster they’re afraid of.  He’s going to make sure that happens but here’s Rey to interrupt and start a brawl.  619 misses but Rey eventually manages to get one in the ribs and send Cody running.

Kong vignette which is rather awesome.

Rey Mysterio vs. Drew McIntyre

How in the world did Drew fall so far in just a year?  Also I guess the whole Kelly thing is just going to be abandoned?  Drew absolutely towers over Rey.  He grabs a powerslam for two on Rey as we talk about the battle royal a lot.  Booker thinks Drew can be a world champion.  That’s so cute.  Snap suplex gets two for McIntyre.

Rey fights him off and uses some of his speed/high flying stuff to fight Drew off.  The fans really don’t seem to care as we head to the floor.  Drew rams him into the railing in a swinging powerbomb motion as we take a break.  Back with Drew holding Rey in an armbar.  Booker thinks Drew is Wade Barrett for some reason.  I thought it was Thomas Tallahassee Jefferson or something but whatever.

Drew counters a headscissors into a backbreaker and we hit the chinlock.  Booker messes up the name again and it’s back off to the armbar.  Rey avoids a corner charge to send Drew’s shoulder into the post.  Seated senton off the top and here comes Rey.  Springboard cross body gets two.  Big boot nearly takes Rey’s head off for two.

Powerbomb is blocked so Drew shifts to a hot shot.  Rey escapes and lands on the middle rope and hits a nice tornado DDT for another two.  In a very odd looking finish, Rey reverses a clothesline into a 619 and goes up for the splash.  The odd looking part is that Rey jumps for the splash while McIntyre is still on his feet.  Drew falls quickly and the splash hits to end this at 9:20.

Rating: B-. This started pretty boring but the stuff after the break had a lot more near falls and better looking moves, making it a better match.  I don’t think the ending was ever in doubt, but that’s what the position of jobber to the stars was invented for and that’s exactly what Drew is at this point.  That’s kind of a shame too but it is what it is.

Edge is walking to the ring and various people applaud him and hug him.  He runs into Kane and gets a handshake, I guess which says “sorry for the whole causing your dad’s death thing.  His….3^rd death I believe.”

Here’s Edge in his suit and sunglasses to surrender the title.  The fans chant thank you Edge and he says he’ll never get tired of hearing that.  He says this has made him think about a lot of things, like his entrance and how insane some of the matches he’s been in have been.  Wow Edge has been in a lot of gimmick matches.  Edge thinks his music is the coolest in WWE and he thanks Alter Bridge for it.  He wants to do his entrance one more time.  He’s going to go up the ramp and come out to the song one more time.  And that’s exactly what he does.

Edge does his full entrance again, complete with pyro and heads back to the ring.  Cool moment there.  He says he’s out of shape already because that tired him out.  Edge talks about how good it was that the doctors caught this early before he got hurt even worse and couldn’t get up.  He’s happy about everything he gets to do now, including wearing one of his two suits.  He bought it for $100 at JC Penny.  Well at least he’s honest.

His first world title came here in Albany so this place is special to him.  He also came up with the name Edge in Albany.  Edge’s mom is here tonight too.  What’s her name?  Cliff?  The fans chant “Thank you mom” which is rather funny.  Edge thanks her for everything and says that without her he wouldn’t be here.  Well yeah there was that whole giving birth thing.

He shifts over to the title and says that everyone holds a piece of it.  But now it’s time to do what he came here to do: relinquish the title.  Edge thanks the fans again and puts the belt down in the middle of the ring before leaving to go hug his mom.  That’s a sad moment at first but at the end of the day, it’s for his own good for the sake of his neck and his health.  Classy speech too.

That’s What I Am trailer.

Rosa Mendes says something to Edge in Spanish and Edge says he has no idea what she just said but she had him at quiero.  Alberto pops up behind him and offers a handshake but Edge leaves.

Kelly Kelly vs. Layla

On the way to the ring we recap the tag match last week with Michelle’s bad back.  Josh says he doesn’t buy it and asks Michelle about it.  She says no one ever accused him of being smart.  Layla goes off on Kelly to start but gets taken down and hammered on.  Cole and Michael chat a bit as Booker asks about the back injury.  Out to the floor and Kelly rams Layla’s face into the floor.  Layla is almost sent through the Cole Mine and is almost counted out before Michelle throws her back in.  Kelly gets the easy pin at 2:08.

Laycool argues post match and Michelle drills her.

The Raw Rewind is the announcement of the tag match at the PPV.

Booker wants to know how Cole could be that stupid.  Cole apologizes to Jack which I doubt will get him anywhere.

We get the same video from Raw talking about how awesome HHH vs. Undertaker was.

Battle Royal

Big Show, Brodus Clay, Chavo Guerrero, Chris Masters, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Curt Hawkins, Drew McIntyre, Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, JTG, Justin Gabriel, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Trent Barreta, Tyler Reks, Wade Barrett, Yoshi Tatsu

There is a TON of time left for this so it’s getting the big match treatment.  Alberto is on the floor also.  Kane comes out last when most people came in during the commercial.  Booker says someone has to make a pact with someone else.  There we go and I’m not going to try to call this for the most part.  Show throws JTG out to get us down 5% already.  Barreta tries to get Show out and guess what happens.  Yeah we’re down to 18.

Something I’ve always wondered: other than the final guys, is there a set order to the eliminations?  I mean I know the big stars have marching orders, but for guys like say Chavo (assuming he doesn’t make it to the final few people) is he supposed to stay in for like 8 minutes and then go when he has an opening to be eliminated, or is he told that he goes out say 7^th via Trouble in Paradise for instance?  I’ve always been curious about that.  Anyone know anything regarding that?

Anyway, Show gets the knockout punch to put Slater out and get us down to 17.  Slater is a great seller.  Show charges at Jackson and BOTH go out!  Wow I wouldn’t have bet on that one.  Del Rio applauding that is a nice touch.  Swagger and Reks can’t get Kofi out as we take a break.  We come back and nothing has changed.  They’re in the exact same place with maybe 3 seconds of time going by.  Ok then.  For the sake of timing at the end of the match I won’t be adding the 3:30 for that.

We get to the part of the show where everyone hammers on everyone and nothing is really happening.  Kofi fires some kicks at Swagger as Cole sucks up to Swagger.  Cody goes over the top but catches himself on the apron, only for Rey to hit him in the face and put him down.  Rey doubles up and gets Hawkins out with a forward roll out of an electric chair.  Kind of like a victory roll minus the pin.

Brodus takes out I think McIntyre as Chavo jumps on Clay’s back.  Chavo is gone and yes it was McIntyre.  Kane and Clay have our battle of the monsters and Kane beats him down with ease until like an idiot he tries a chokeslam.  Headbutt to the chest stops Kane but the big fried freak manages to fight back and send the big fat tub of goo up and over as we take a break.  Nothing changes again so we don’t add in 3:30 here either.  That’s really weird to see.

Barrett tries to throw Kofi but Kofi hangs on and tries to skin the cat.  I say tries to because he gets tossed out by the IC Champion.  We’re down to roughly 8-9 at this point.  There goes Reks at the hands of Christian and we are indeed down to eight.  The remaining competitors: Swagger, Mysterio, Kane, Christian, Tatsu, Gabriel, Masters and Barrett.  As I type that Christian tosses Yoshi and we’re down to seven.

Booker says everyone should go after Kane which isn’t a bad idea.  Kane goes after the members of Corre but they manage to toss him to get us to six.  They’re the only two standing as well.  Barrett goes after Masters who fights back with some valor.  Masters is sent to the apron and like an IDIOT puts the Masterlock on while on the apron.  Barrett breaks it with relative ease and kicks Masters in the face to eliminate him.  Gabriel sneaks up on Barrett and we’re down to four!  It’s Christian, Gabriel, Mysterio and Swagger.

Rey vs. Gabriel and Swagger vs. Christian are the pairings.  Rey sends Gabriel into the 619 position but can’t connect.  Gabriel charges, only to get caught in a headscissors and put out.  Christian has put Swagger down but not out and squares off with Rey.  Christian is put down but not out and Swagger tosses Rey but Rey holds on.  Rey comes back with a rana off the top that sends Swagger into 619 position.

Cole jumps up on the apron and takes the brunt of the move to score points with Swagger I guess.  Rey goes after Swagger when he realizes what’s going on and tries what can best be described as a monkey flip position to get him out.  Swagger holds on though and tosses Rey to get us down to Christian vs. Swagger.  Vader Bomb is countered but Christian can’t shove him out.

Back to Swagger in control as Cole is more or less dead on the floor.  They’re both on the apron and Christian tries the pendulum kick, only for Swagger to catch the ankle in the ankle lock for a nice counter.  Christian tries to toss him but Swagger kicks him in the chest to break that up with ease.  Christian is tossed to the apron but like an idiot heel, Swagger stops looking and Christian gets back up.  Del Rio tries to pull Christian off but can’t do it either.  Swagger charges and Christian puts him out at 17:00.

Rating: B-. Good match here with Swagger vs. Christian being a nice ending to it.  I don’t think anyone doubted who would win but it’s the right choice given who he’s replacing.  Battle royals are hard to grade but this one certainly was pretty good.  Nothing was bad and it didn’t get boring, so this worked fine.

Edge comes out to celebrate and Del Rio stares them down.  This is where I’d bet the show goes off the air.  I’m sorry if this is confusing but this is the version I found at the site I use and I can’t watch it as it airs.

Christian gets a mic and it’s time for a 5 second pose!  They even do the hands at the sides which is very cool to see.  The locker room comes out and everyone, faces and heels alike, applaud Edge.  That’s always cool to see.  Edge starts crying as he and Big Show hug.  Chavo and Rey come in and hug him also.  And here comes HHH!

He’s getting the Vince walk going so you can tell he’s waiting to get in charge.  The ring clears out other than Edge.  He goes to the apron but climbs back in and picks up the mic.  He says he didn’t know this was coming and it was the ultimate show of respect.  Edge talks about how this is great and he loves being respected by his peers.  He especially talks about Taker (not there) and Kane who he calls one of his best friends in the business.

He talks about everyone that sets up the show, down to the production people and the graphic designers and the catering.  If he goes into the Hall of Fame he can thank all of them too.  He even thanks the writers (yes he said writers) and names a few them individually.  He thanks Vince, specifically saying it’s not Mr. McMahon.  Vince apparently was the one that thought he could run with the World Title.  He’s afraid to thank Booker because it would mean an Edge-a-Rooni which hurt the only time he tried it at Wrestlemania.

The fans chant Hall of Fame and Edge says he wants to thank people he’s worked with over the years.  He says Vickie and the people boo.  Edge says that’s a sign of how great she is.  He thanks Lita for all the fun they’ve had over the years.  “Hey get your minds out of the gutters…..even though we did.”  And now, he thanks Christian.  He talks bout them growing up together and wanting to be tag champions and at Wrestlemania 16, that’s exactly what they did.

Christian has been there all the time for him and Edge wants to see where he goes.  The Edgeheads should get behind him if they could.  He says he’s said enough and the fans boo slightly.  He says he doesn’t have any spears left in him and he’s gotten to live his dream.  He has no complaints and he’s had an amazing life and a lot of that is due to the fans.  If anyone sees him come up and talk to him.

He’ll always be part of the WWE in some respect so we’ll probably see him again.  He’s going off the radar for awhile though so he can be with his dogs.  A fan shouts to give his mom a hug and he says like you have to tell me to do that.  A huge thank you Edge chant takes us back to Alter Bridge.  Edge goes out to thank the commentators and high five some fans.  He hugs his family and goes up the ramp, throws his arms up and walks to the back, ending the show.  I really hope this is put on DVD somewhere at some point as it’s awesome stuff.

Overall Rating: B. Good show here and the rating isn’t including the post show stuff.  They had to throw this together at the last minute due to the injury and we got good stuff out of it.  The post show stuff was a nice treat that you should track down as it’s a very classy exit for him.  Good show that handled a surprising change very well and left you with a good feeling.

Results

Ezekiel Jackson b. Kofi Kingston – Release Mat Slam

Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre – Top Rope Splash

Kelly Kelly b. Layla – Kelly pinned Layla after ramming her into the Cole Mine

Christian won a battle royal by last eliminating Jack Swagger

Every Wednesday I’ll be posting a review of an old Nitro on rspwfaq.com (Scott Keith’s Blog).  I’ve got the first two up and the third will be up next Wednesday.  Check them out.

Impact
Date: April 14, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Hogan’s Law

It’s the final show before Lockdown and most of the card is set.  Tonight is likely going to be just the final push to the show which is standard operating procedure.  We’ll also likely see Hogan and Immortal trying to go after Anderson for him double crossing them last week and also more development in the three way feud for the world title.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the three way feud stuff from last week, including Anderson being the referee for the non-title main event.  The most important thing though is Anderson screwing over Hogan and Immortal and Hogan being furious.

Here’s Immortal in full force to open the show.  Gunner has the TV Title in his teeth.  Hogan says there’s nothing but top level talent here but he wants to get rid of the strength of rotten garbage.  He calls out Anderson and here he comes.  Wow Anderson looks really skinny here for some reason.  Hogan says that he’s tired of Anderson doing things the hard way and he’s going to make an example out of him.

Anderson goes off on Immortal, talking about how they’re all just riding their coattails and no one respects Hogan.  Especially Bischoff who made his entire career off of Hogan.  Wow that’s cutting a bit close.  Anderson sets to say his line and Hogan I think slaps him down and the beating is on.  With Immortal holding him in place, Hogan gets in Anderson’s face and says he’s going to take Anderson out tonight, because he’s “the baddest mamma jamma in this place.”  Anderson spits in Ray’s face and gets drilled by the Bully.

Velvet yells at Winter and wants to know what Winter has done to her.  Winter says that Angelina can make her own decisions.  Velvet says she’s going to call Angelina out herself and if it’s not accepted she’ll come drag Angelina out there herself.

Back with Immortal celebrating but Bischoff is a bit upset.  He just got a call from the Network and they want a best of 3 series between Immortal and Fourtune with the winner getting an advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match on Sunday.  Hogan says Bischoff was supposed to take care of the Network and gets on him about it.

Jesse Neal vs. Douglas Williams vs. Crimson vs. Orlando Jordan

Winner gets….a win I guess.  All of the partners are at ringside and Moore gets after Steiner.  Orlando looks to be in a purple dress for lack of a better term.  Neal vs. Williams to start but the British dude tags in Jordan quickly.  Side slam gets two and it’s off to Crimson vs. Neal.  T-Bone suplex gets two but Neal hits his spear on Crimson.  Moore keeps making fun of Steiner and distracting Neal.  Moore finally pushes him and the fight is on.  Steiner goes out to help him so we’re down to a three way.

Crimson goes off to help but here’s Abyss to jump Crimson.  Magnus and Young fight on the floor as Abyss rips up the railing.  Chokeslam onto the guardrail leaves Crimson laying as the match is down to Jordan vs. Williams for all intents and purposes.  Jordan grinds on Williams and gets a clothesline for two.  Young and Magnus come in which goes nowhere as Jordan hits something like Cross Rhodes (called the Gender Bender) to end it at 3:35.

Rating: D. Considering the fact that about seventy five percent of this match was spent on the stuff outside and what you saw in the ring was nothing special at all, what are you supposed to say here?  Weak match to build to a match that really shouldn’t be in a cage.  It’s always a problem with Lockdown but rarely a big one.  Weak match though.

Bully Ray comes in to tell RVD that Hogan is going to make him an offer where the grass is greener and there are fewer seeds.  I don’t get weed jokes but I guess that makes sense.

Matt Hardy vs. Kazarian

This is match #1 in the aforementioned best of three series.  Team Immortal is here with Matt.  The series is for the initial advantage in Lethal Lockdown.  Fourtune comes out with Kaz but Hebner sends them away and does the same to Immortal.  Flair freaks out and wants to fight Hebner.  Kaz grabs some rollups to start but only gets two on both.  Kaz charges but is sent to the apron where Matt kicks the rope for a low blow on the way back in.

Neckbreaker gets two as they’re moving rather quickly out there.  I guess Matt is moving due to the lack of dreads out there.  Matt focuses on the neck of Kaz, hitting the slingshot into the middle rope for two.  Later we get Storm vs. Abyss and Roode vs. Flair.  Cravate works on the neck even more but the Twist of Hate is reversed into a backslide for two.  Side Effect doesn’t work and Kaz grabs a pinning combination for another two.

Side Effect gets two and there’s another one.  Matt goes up but misses a moonsault to give Kaz a breather.  Forearm by Kazarian and here’s the comeback.  Hogan is going to force Anderson to run the Immortal gauntlet.  Springboard legdrop gets two for Kaz and Fade to Black (called Kryptonite Crunch by Taz) is reversed.  Missile dropkick gets two as Matt gets his foot on the rope.  They go to the corner and Matt shoves Hebner into the ropes, allowing him to grab Kaz in a double underhook bodyscissors hold for the pass out/submission.  Hard to tell but the hold is called the Ice Pick and it ends this at 5:16.

Rating: B-. I liked this actually.  They were moving out there and we got a lot of near falls and close finishes.  I’m really not sure what the point is in having the X Champion lose clean like that and get in next to no offense other than a quick flurry but he’s a Hardy so I guess he has to be made to look strong.  Pretty decent match here.

Madison is upset about something and Tara says just get it over with.

Back with Madison and Tara in the ring.  Madison says she hasn’t been able to sleep for a week over what happened last week.  She would have done something different: she would have backed up and run her over again.  Tara doesn’t like this that much.  Then Madison would have slapped Tara for questioning here.  Tara is getting too comfortable in her role so Madison reminds her that she works for Madison.  If Tara doesn’t chill, she’s going to be back selling lip gloss.

Tara has something to say but Mickie comes out instead.  She’s in a sling and has a separated shoulder.  TNA needs to really stop having Titantron videos playing during promos as they’re really distracting.  Mickie goes nuts and says she’s going to put Madison through more pain on Sunday than Mickie went through.  Sunday she’s going to take Madison out and get back at her for the last six months.  Very solid and intense promos here.

Jeff Jarrett/D’Angelo Dinero/Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan/Samoa Joe/Kurt Angle

Always a good sign to throw feuds into one match.  It’s the best possible way to get a bunch of them built at once and works almost every time.  That wasn’t sarcasm if it sounded like it.  Jarrett and Angle start us off here which is rather surprising.  Jarrett runs and tags in Hernandez maybe 10 seconds in.  We take a break after about 15 seconds.

Back with Morgan throwing the rapid fire elbows to Pope’s head in the corner.  Morgan loads up the Carbon Footprint but Pope takes the leg out and Morgan is in trouble.  Off to Hernandez who hammers away but a discus clothesline sends Morgan down and brings in Kurt.  Kurt is taken down by a simple boot to the ribs and Hernandez goes up top.  You don’t go up top against Kurt and Angle gets the running belly to belly to send Hernandez down.

Off to Joe and Jarrett as Joe cleans house.  Quick powerslam gets two for Joe but Pope breaks up a cross armbreaker.  Muscle Buster to Pope is blocked twice as Jarrett breaks it up.  Jeff throw Joe to the floor but runs into Kurt.  They run off to the back as Hernandez gets a slingshot shoulder block to take Joe down.  Border Toss is reversed into the Clutch but Pope comes off the top with an elbow to break it up.  Morgan back in as the tagging is completely abandoned.  Anarquia throws Hernandez some brass knuckles but Morgan takes him down.  Pope gets them and knocks Joe out cold for the pin at 9:20 total.

Rating: C-. Kind of a mess here but it got to the ending which is the right idea.  Also keeping Angle and Jeff from having any actual contact is always a good thing.  Not a terrible match but nothing all that great.  At least they built up the three matches the right way and it worked well enough.

The heels leave Morgan and Joe laying.

The Jarretts try to leave but Karen says she forgot her purse.  Jeff says screw it but she runs after it anyway, only to run into Kurt.  Jeff leaves without her and Kurt says what a great pick for a husband and leaves her there.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff.  Hulk calls RVD to the ring and lays it on thick, talking about how this is the new RVD who is all aggressive.  Hogan saw what happened last week where RVD pinned the TNA Champion, which was awesome.  Here’s Sting to say that what Hogan said was a lie.  Sting talks about how RVD needs to earn it and he won’t do that in Immortal.  If he beats Sting cleanly cool, but if it’s not clean it’s over Sting’s dead body.  RVD leaves.

Bischoff talks to Sting now and says that Hogan has been working Sting for his entire career and that Checkmate is in Sting’s future.  Sting disagrees, saying Checkmate is his.  He drills Bischoff in the ribs and hits the Death Drop on him.  Hogan is scared to death as he’s in a back braces still.  Sting says it’ll be on his time, not Hogan’s.

Abyss vs. James Storm

Abyss has new music.  Storm goes right at him, spitting beer in the face and we hit the floor early.  Apparently on Sunday the Angle/Jarrett match is now 2/3 falls.  First is pin, second is submission and third is escape only.  That match just got even more awesome.  Back in the ring and Abyss gets a big boot to take him down.

Storm pops up and hammers away, finally taking him down with a forearm.  Top rope cross body gets two and Storm counters a chokeslam into a Codebreaker and a Backstabber for two.  Chokeslam gets two and Abyss is surprised.  Shock Treatment and the Last Call both miss and the Black Hole Slam gets the pin clean at 3:50.  Immortal wins the man advantage.

Rating: C+. Nice little big man vs. little man here and it was a pretty surprising ending as you don’t have the predicted ending of having it go to the third fall.  Power vs. speed is always fun to see and it worked pretty well here.  The ending was a bit odd though as Storm seemed like he kicked out just in time.  Either way, fun little match.

Back with Bischoff talking to the Network and him being all upset about it.  He demands to know who is working with the Network and the Network apparently says in time.  Bischoff demands to know now and gets hung up on.

Here’s Velvet to call out Angelina.  She gets Winter’s music instead and Angelina is here in that trance still.  Velvet shoves/hits her to get her attention but gets speared down.  Angelina gets a chair and DDTs Velvet on it.  No emotion at all from Love here.  Winter beckons Angelina back and they leave together.

We run down the Lockdown card.

Mr. Anderson vs. Immortal

This is a gauntlet match.  First up is Murphy who gets a quick clothesline and a slam.  The slam puts Anderson’s leg into the rope and it might be injured.  DDT to the leg and Anderson is in trouble.  And never mind as the Mic Check sends Murphy out quickly.  Rob Terry is in second and Anderson grabs a small package and rollup for two each.  Terry goes after the knee some more and uses basic power.  Mic Check as a reversal ends him also.

In third is the TV Champion in I believe his first match since winning the title.  There’s not a lot to say here as you know Anderson is about to take this one with a quick win also.  Gunner works on the knee in the corner and Anderson is stuck.  Fourth is going to be Bully Ray and he’ll be last.  Anderson gets a boot in the corner and some strikes to set up a spinning neckbreaker for two.  Yep there it is as he sends Gunner into the corner and the Mic Check makes Anderson 3-0.

Finally it’s Bully Ray who hammers away and drops some elbows before hammering on the knee even more.  The fans chant you can’t wrestle at Ray.  There’s a WWE joke in there somewhere.  Anderson gets yelled at a lot and knocked down again.  The back splash from the middle rope of course doesn’t work as Anderson fires in some shots.  He manages to get Ray up in a fireman’s carry despite having a bad knee.  Well of course he can.

They slug it out and Anderson takes over.  Big boot puts him right back down though and Ray throws him to the floor.  Then he drills the referee and takes the fight to the floor.  Ray takes him up the ramp and sets for a powerbomb like he did to AJ a few weeks back.  As he sets for it Hogan comes out dancing a bit and walks to do it instead.  There goes the back brace and he sets for a powerbomb.  Here’s Sting with the bat though for the save.  Abyss pops up and Sting drills him with the bat.  Ray gets the same treatment and Hogan backs off.  We’ll say the match ended when Ray hit the referee so the match ran 9:30.

Rating: D+. Just a standard gauntlet match here with Anderson destroying everyone not named Ray, including the TV Champion, in short order with no real effort at all.  The ending was I guess to further Sting and Hogan which it did for the most part, but the ending made the match worse, which is bad since it wasn’t a terrible match to begin with.

Fourtune talks about how this ends Sunday.  Storm yells about Abyss.

RVD doesn’t say anything.

Anderson says nothing has changed with him and Sting.  He wants more mountains to climb and rants about the title.

Sting says he’ll keep the title on Sunday.

Hogan says Immortal is going to break Sting in half and if he wants a war, he’s got one.

Overall Rating: B. This was a very good go home show as everything was talked about I think.  We got some decent matches in there also and all in all the show worked.  There were some bad parts but at the same time everything worked.  However, this all comes down to Sunday as the PPV has to work right.  It depends on how that show goes to see if this works overall.

Results

Orlando Jordan b. Douglas Williams, Jesse Neal and Crimson – Gender Bender to Williams

Matt Hardy b. Kazarian – Ice Pick

Hernandez/Jeff Jarrett/D’Angelo Dinero b. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Matt Morgan – Dinero pinned Joe after a punch with brass knuckles

Abyss b. James Storm – Black Hole Slam

Mr. Anderson vs. Immortal went to a no contest

Lockdown 2008
Date: April 13, 2008
Location: Tsongas Arena, Lowell, Massachusetts
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

Lockdown very well may be the dumbest idea for a PPV that I’ve ever heard of in my life. Let’s think about this for a minute. For one thing, they’re actually putting matches like Gail Kim and ODB vs. Kong and Saed in there. That’s the biggest problem: so many of these matches flat out do not need to be inside a cage, which ties into the second problem: the matches that actually belong in the cage like Lethal Lockdown and Joe vs. Angle 19 or whatever it was are cheapened because weaker matches are in the cage as well.

As for matches tonight, TNA FINALLY is pulling the trigger on Joe, two years after they should have which means everything is all well and good. Other than that it’s of course Team Christian vs. Team Top Heel of the Month in Lethal Lockdown, their version of War Games. Let’s get to it.

Tenay says that tonight Joe’s life is on the line and that apparently all he knows is wrestling. Yeah TNA doesn’t get overdramatic at all. The video is about how EVIL, yes EVIL I say that steel is. They have a Latin prayer or something. TNA always went WAY too far with these things.

The fans are energetic if nothing else. JB and West are in the stands which is a cool idea I guess. It’s been done a million times but not in awhile.

X-Division Title: Jay Lethal vs. Johnny Devine vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Consequences Creed vs. Curry Man

So the idea here is elimination but once you get down to two you have to get out of the cage. I always liked Curry Man. He was based off of a commercial that Daniels saw in India I believe. If nothing else you certainly remember him don’t you. Good night Devine is bland. He’s the X-Division traitor at the moment and hanging out with Team 3D. It went nowhere.

Creed is a guy that had his character completely changed as he started out like R-Truth was supposed to be and is now a total comedy character. Sonjay is Lethal and Socal Val’s best friend, so of course he would turn on them in like a month to take the title and Val. And this is the era of Stone Cold Shark Boy. This was so stupid I actually got headaches from it. Oh and Lethal is still Macho Man.

So we have a guy that would become Apollo Creed, a guy impersonating Steve Austin, a guy impersonating Macho Man, a guy as an Indian guru, a guy imitating an Indian curry commercial, and a guy named Johnny Devine that is bland . Does anyone else thing that this sounds like a bad parody instead of a match? Also note that it’s taken 11 minutes and 49 seconds for the first bell to ring.

Wait, they have to TAG? Dutt and Devine start as my head is hurting more and more here every second. One thing that TNA got very right with the cage matches: putting a hole in the cage to get camera shots with nothing barring the shot. Now we just get completely ridiculous with the spots. I mean they just don’t even try to make it seem like they aren’t totally planned out.

After Dutt saves Lethal he gets rolled up by Devine for the pin to begin the wedge between the two of them. Creed hits a bad DDT on Shark Boy after Curry Man messes up and he’s out. Something tells me this is supposed to be epic and it’s just failing completely. We go back to nothing but big spots that are completely insane but make for good TV when you don’t think too hard about them.

After a dive off the top of the very tall cage that should have killed him, Curry Man hits a Burning Hammer which is called the Spice Rack to put Creed out. Devine, the idiot that he is, breaks up the pin on Lethal to hit the Devine Intervention, a double underhook piledriver, on Curry Man to get us down to one on one under elimination rules. Devine puts him down but Dutt won’t let him go through the door. What a great face move to do there. And Lethal dives out the door to win. That was just stupid for an ending.

Rating: C-. Well, considering what they were going for with the opener here, this was ok. The spots were RIDICULOUS looking though and I hated the ending. You could see Dutt getting ticked off slowly but surely and the feud was coming soon. It sucked too.

Frank Trigg is in the back and says that both guys are getting ready. Good to know. The problem here is that Trigg might as well be Angle’s twin. He had an ok TV presence but they went a bit stupid here by trying to make this an MMA fight when it was a wrestling match. To be fair though, this was a good idea to have a legit MMA guy come in and give an analysis here.

Roxxi vs. Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky vs. Salinas vs. Rhaka Khan vs. Traci vs. Christy vs. Jacqueline

Yep 8 knockouts in a single cage is JUST fine. I still think Christy Hemme is a robot. No human can look that good. Has ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE, ever cared about Jackie? EVER? Traci Brooks comes out to Aerosmith’s Rag Doll. I hardly ever notice those things. Somehow the rules are as follows: you fight on the floor and the first two INSIDE the cage have a one on one match. Could this be any stupider?

So wait, the idea of this show is that every match is INSIDE the cage right? I’m not confused on that am I? And after about 2 minutes Love and Roxxi get in with ease. The match is about three minutes long and while it’s ok, that’s just it: it’s ok. It’s not particularly good or bad. It’s just ok. I think this one gets the it’s just there rating, as there’s nothing to talk about here and it’s hardly bad either. Roxxi gets a shot at Kong for this which she wouldn’t win.

Rating: F. It’s failing for just being stupid. At a show about cages, there was a match outside a cage where the point was to get into the cage. In what wrestling universe does that even begin to make sense in?

Lauren makes her TNA debut here and GOOD FREAKING NIGHT she looks amazing. She looks like Jenny McCarthy back when McCarthy looked hot. Joe says he’s not retiring. No really? Apparently Joe will sacrifice his life to be champion. Again, TONE IT DOWN.

Kip James (Billy Gunn) cuts the most cue card based promo that I’ve ever heard about being an animal in a cage.

BG James (Road Dogg) says he’s coming for James.

BG James vs. Kip James

Seriously, how has this match not happened before? This started as Roadie won a tag title shot in Feast or Fired and had his 60+ year old father be his partner of all things. No one bought it and this is what it was setting up. This should have been the finals of the 99 KOTR but that would have made sense so there we go. Billy breaks out a Diamond Cutter of all things to counter the punches of Roadie. Sorry, I refuse to call him Kip James.

Roadie is easier to type than BG James also, even though that really is closer than Jesse James. The problem with this whole PPV shows up again: while this could actually be a decent feud/match, the first match of it simply doesn’t belong in a cage as it’s just a regular match but in a cage. A Fameasser gets two and then a low blow has both guys down.

Naturally the finish sucks: Billy stomps his foot three times before going for a splash which misses and Roadie rolls him up for the pin. They do the reunion for about two seconds and Kip does the heel turn which no one cares about but of course it’s evil and no one saw it coming. After a bad and short feud with Matt Morgan, Billy would be Cute Kip to just end any shred of credibility he had.

Rating: D-. What was the point of this again? Actually that’s not a fair question. This match actually had a point. However, giving them seven minutes in a pointless cage match is just freaking stupid by TNA as they throw away a potentially kind of big match with no time and a terrible finish. Makes sense at least.

Angle says he wanted to come to TNA to fight Joe. And he did: this is match number 5. Angle looks like he’s under 200lbs here. Oh and it’s personal here.

Rock N Rave Infection vs. MCMG vs. Eric Young/Kaz vs. LAX vs. Scott Steiner/Petey Williams vs. Black Reign/Rellik

This is Cuffed in the Cage: all 12 in the match at once and it’s elimination by being cuffed to a rope, last man standing gets his team a shot at the tag titles at a future date. Reign and Rellik (Killer backwards. Clever huh?) beat up Eric backstage before they can come out. The entrances take a few hours or so. Oh and Black Reign (Goldust but a cheap knockoff that no one bought) and Killer are supposed to be monsters. This is idiotic.

How in the WORLD have the Guns not been tag champions yet? There are two sets of tag titles in TNA (don’t even get me started on how freaking stupid that is) and they can’t get one of them. That’s just stupid. Oh LAX already have a title shot, so they’re getting a chance to get a second one here, because it would make NO SENSE to take two people out of here to, oh I don’t know, unclutter the stupid thing a tiny bit???

This was back when Petey was Maple Leaf Muscle, as in a tiny version of Steiner. Is this supposed to be Mexico or something? Steiner just beats the heck out of everyone until LAX takes him down. About four people get him cuffed to eliminate him. What would be smart here? Perhaps having him leave? Nope, that would make too much sense, so he just stays in the cage cuffed to the cage. Someone was actually paid to think of this. That’s just sad.

Young comes down and gets scared by the monsters. You can’t tell a thing that’s going on because THERE ARE ELEVEN PEOPLE IN THERE AT ONCE. Sabin and Shelley get cuffed at the same time. Petey is put out and I just couldn’t care less. The problem here is that you get some decent stuff and spots but there are just so many people in there and the camera jumps around so much that you can’t tell a stupid thing at all. LAX are both out.

Kaz is out as we have Killer and Rock N Rave and Black Reign left. The fans already get the idea as they chant Super Eric. The idea is this: Eric Young puts on a shirt, a mask and a cape and all of a sudden he’s not scared anymore and is a tough fighter. This is making me lose intelligence very rapidly. He does a HUGE dive off the top of the cage to put four guys down. Ok that was pretty cool looking. Hoyt (Vance Archer) is put out.

The other problem becomes that no one can move anywhere as there are people on so many parts of the cage. Oh Jimmy Rave is out too. Young gets the two monsters to win the thing. To further drain my intelligence, here’s how this played out. Eric and Kaz won the tag titles (why they’re not being defended here and why the X Title isn’t being defended here is beyond me.

Tomko and AJ FREAKING STYLES were the tag champions, yet they’re not on the PPV. Upon further review they’re in the Lethal Lockdown match so that makes it a bit better) at the next Impact but because Super Eric wasn’t the guy Kaz entered the match with they didn’t get the titles.

Instead they were held up and a whole PPV, Sacrifice, was dedicated to getting new champions with LAX and 3D fighting in the finals of the Deuces Wild tag tournament where you had random partners fighting established teams but the random partners WON NO MATCHES. THIS WAS PRAISED by TNA fans. They thought this was a good idea.

Rating: F-. This was just so freaking stupid that I can’t believe it exists. Seriously, TWELVE PEOPLE in the cage at once and you handcuff them to eliminate them. I wanted wrestling, not some screwed up sex fantasy that even Vince McMahon would say slow down when offered. Seriously, screw Dave Meltzer. He said that Edge vs. HHH vs. Kozlov was worse than this? Dave is a brilliant guy, but his anti-WWE bias gets out of hands at times.

And we go to Samoa Joe’s family who are dressed in “traditional” clothing. This makes my head hurt. Yes because Samoans apparently have no idea of what the modern world is like and they all wear grass for clothing. If nothing else though, Lauren is entering Hemme territory in hotness.

We recap the Knockouts tag match which again doesn’t belong in a cage match.

Gail Kim/ODB vs. Awesome Kong/Raisha Saeed

Please…make it quick. Don’t get me wrong, three of the four here are very talented, but WHY IS THIS IN A CAGE? You can’t just call it a grudge match and make it interesting. I get the feud here, and it should be a decent match, but the cage is just freaking pointless here. Kong and ODB start us off. Both of the faces want Saeed for some reason that isn’t covered at all because that would be too helpful.

Oh apparently she’s cost both faces the title which Kong holds. I found that online, not from here of course. She’s more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa, who is amazingly talented and very good looking as well. Kong rams Kim’s head into the cage to turn the tide. Kong hasn’t actually been in the match yet by the way. Dang it how do I time these things so well?

She beats the living tar out of Kim who is half dead already. And Kong is already out again. ODB comes in to clean house as she was being pushed very hard around this time. Naturally nothing ever came of it as they had Kong beat her anyway. Everyone is in now and the referee says nothing, meaning they never needed to tag at all. Gail gets a SWEET hurricanrana from the top of the cage. Kong accidentally knocks the heck out of Saeed and a splash from ODB ends it.

Rating: D+. The match was indeed fine, but there was no point to having this on PPV. It’s ok, but it’s just ok, and that’s the problem here. Why should I pay money to see this? Nothing was accomplished as Roxxi had the title shot next and Kong wasn’t even involved in the pin. The wrestling is fine and even good at times, but why is this on PPV is what I want to know.

Karen Angle is here and it’s no shock now that Jarrett slept with her. She supports Kurt.

We take a SPECIAL look at Booker vs. Robert Roode. Why is it special? We’re never told but we know it’s SPECIAL. Roode makes a great point: he keeps moving up the charts and someone from WWE kept showing up and instantly being handed a push. He’s absolutely right. The feud is over Roode accidentally hitting Sharmell, and no one would want that of course.

The announce guy calls this a towering inferno of rage. Do I even need to make fun of this? Naturally it’s a mixed tag instead of one on one, because Booker was so nervous about his wife being hurt that he has her in a match here. Oh and it was a punch heard around the world. It wasn’t even heard around Wrestlezone.

Peyton Banks/Robert Roode vs. Booker T/Sharmell

They don’t even try to hide the theme music being a rip off here. Ok so the match is now over and I have the same complaints I had for the previous match: why is this in a cage and why is this on PPV? Literally, the girls are in there for 30 seconds total as it’s all Booker vs. Roode and then Sharmell is tagged in and rolls up Banks for the pin.

It’s just Booker vs. Roode again in a feud that went on for like 6 months and no one really cared about it. I mean the match is ok, but again that’s just it: it’s just ok. Why should I want to pay my money to watch this show? I can’t think of a reason to do so. Roode leaves Banks in the ring and goes back on his own.

Rating: D. This was the same thing as the previous match but the previous one had better wrestling in it. This is the big problem that the company has with this show and I’ve said it a dozen times now I think: not every match needs to be in a cage. It’s complete overkill and makes no sense at all, and that’s what’s going on here. If this was a regular match, it’s probably a C or so.

We go to the gorgeous Lauren who is with Marcus Davis who trained Joe for the fight. Again, I get the idea, but this is wrestling, not MMA.

We look at Lethal Lockdown. The rules are just like WarGames but with one ring and after the last person comes in the roof comes down and there are weapons attached, and only then can you win the match. It’s kind of a nice twist but this needs to be 3 on 3 and not 5 on 5 as one ring is just too much. Oh and you can win by pin. That’s fine.

Team Cage vs. Team Tomko

Christian, Nash, Sting, Rhino, Matt Morgan
Tomko, Bubba, D-Von, AJ Styles, James Storm

Remember that AJ is a comedy heel here so the talent is a bit one sided. Christian and AJ start as the smarks explode. Tomko teases being number one for his team but he sends AJ in instead. Now remember they’re going for five minutes and then after the coin toss whoever wins will have a two minute advantage and after that two minutes the losing team makes it 2-2.

That continues until all ten are in. Ten men are WAY too many but I love me some WarGames so this is fun. The heel team of course wins to continue the tradition. AJ is freaking amazing. He might be better at this point than he is now if you can believe that. AJ is dominating here and we have another heel coming. What is our future ECW Champion going to do???

Christian takes over for a bit but we get back to even as Brother Ray comes out. One of the beauties of this match is that you have seventeen minutes at least of wrestling before you get to the finale of the match. It’s a nice little break from those never ending matches that get rather boring.

Ray wears a Yankees jersey and remember we’re just outside of Boston (those teams hate each other for you non baseball fans). And Ray uses a Boston Crab. That’s just amusing. Rhyno ties us up. Didn’t they hate each other for like ever? The clock is ten kinds of messed up now so it’s anyone’s guess how close they get to the right time. James Storm comes out maybe a minute and twenty seconds later. He’s got Jackie with him. Yeah I don’t care either.

He and Roode would hook up soon. For no explainable reason AJ climbs the cage and he and Christian fight on the top but Christian climbs down on the outside and gets knocked to the floor. Nash ties it up but Christian is still on the floor. He launches an AWESOME high cross body to Bubba and Storm. That was sweet looking. D-Von comes in after maybe a minute.

The clock is completely insane, but I can’t criticize it as the Royal Rumble is never anywhere close. I never remember a team that turns face or heel faster than 3D. I like the booking here as they’re letting the heels dominate when they’re way behind in talent but the booking is realistic. Matt Morgan comes in next and he’s as green as possible. He had been Cornette’s bodyguard forever but never got in the ring until here. We know it’s Tomko and Sting left so that’s no mystery.

There’s a lot of laying around here but you have to do that in a sense here as there are just too many people in there. AJ and Matt hook up for awhile which is a PPV main event someday if they quit messing around with Morgan. Oh that’s right: we need to have Hogan’s boys in the main event. Christian and Tomko go at it as the two captains which is always interesting.

D-Von is bleeding pretty well. The fans want Sting. Everyone stops to meet Sting but he pulls a 96 WarGames and beats them all up by himself. In a cool spot, Sting throws AJ up like for a back body drop but just kicks him in the balls instead. The roof with the weapons is lowered. Everybody grabs one as they have them on the roof too. Yeah they’re not even bothering trying to hide that they’re going up there.

Oh ok there’s a trap door so it’s more obvious. I kind of like that. Storm and Christian go up there which unclutters the ring a bit as it badly needs. There’s a bit hole in the roof which is kind of a cool visual. Nash and Morgan do a double chokeslam on 3D. AJ grabs a kendo stick and just massacres people with it. We have a table on the roof and AJ heads up there too so there are three up there and seven in the ring. AJ sets up a ladder ON TOP OF THE CAGE. Once he climbs it, he might be higher up than on top of the HIAC. I’m pretty sure he is.

As someone afraid of heights, that’s scary to me. Christian climbs up too and Storm shoves the ladder over. Nothing at all is happening in the cage mind you. They couldn’t have gone any further without a potential serious injury. And then Rhyno gores Storm for the pin. What the heck was that???? It’s like they ran out of time all of a sudden and said go home NOW.

Rating: B-. That’s mainly for the bad ending. There was no big dramatic moment or anything and they just had the Gore for the pin. I’m not wild on that at all. The ten people are just WAY too many for one ring. This should have been 3-3 or so and nothing more. Actually 4-4 could work. There were also far too many dead spots too.

This is definitely a good idea but it needs a lot of tweaking with the main thing being an adjustment to the amount of people. I’m probably shortchanging this a bit, but there were too many people and too much laying around doing nothing because of the confined space. The two ring, 8 man matches were always, well at least almost always, awesome because they found that balance. If TNA can do that then these matches go WAY up in value.

We recap the Angle/Joe feud. Let me make this clear: counting the intros, this takes over 12 minutes. That’s not counting the JB intros where he says who each guy is. Counting that we hit 15 minutes. It is 18 minutes from the end of Lethal Lockdown to the start of this match. That’s just ridiculous.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe

Now the first thing you notice is that this is more or less designed as a half MMA fight and half wrestling match. Now I get the idea here as they want to spread out the audience, but this isn’t something I can get into. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, but it’s just not the greatest idea in the world to me. It’s new though so I have to give them credit for not just doing the same match.

They use a lot of MMA techniques and it’s actually working pretty well. They have Frank Trigg on commentary which is a good idea as he offers a perspective that we wouldn’t usually get, much like Tenay used to do with the cruiserweights in WCW. This is about seventeen minutes of primarily submission based stuff and while it’s not my style, it’s certainly great stuff.

You can tell there’s been a lot of training done for both guys to incorporate a lot of new submissions. In a CREEPY moment, Joe gets a crossface on Angle and the fans chant Joe’s gonna kill you. I don’t think it was intentional or anything, but that’s rather chilling. After a ton of submission attempts, and I mean at least 12 apiece, Joe hits the Muscle Buster to get the pin. Massive posing and celebrating ends the show.

Rating: A-. That might be a bit high but after what I went through with the idiocy earlier, this was gold for me. It’s a completely different style but it worked exactly like they wanted it to so I can’t complain at all. This was named match of the year in TNA and I can buy that.

I’m glad this was a one off thing though as it’s not something I’d want to become the norm. Either way, this was a great way to put the belt on Joe, but because it came two freaking years too late, no one cared and he was a boring champion.

Overall Rating: D. Well, the two main events were really good, but that’s all this show has going for it. The all cage thing is just not a good idea at all. The last two matches belong in a cage and by having another I believe 6 matches before that, it just makes the last two seem weak.

If you take away the cage earlier for everything other than maybe the X match, then this is easily a C+ or so. The matches are ok, but the Women’s match and the tag match were just so freaking STUPID. What was the point of those gimmicks? Anyway, this was a bad idea but if tweaked could turn into a much better one. Show sucked for the most part though. Get Joe/Angle and the Lethal Lockdown if you’re very bored, but you’ll be better off with an old WarGames match. Other than that, not worth it.