Daily News Update – January 28, 2025

It’s the last Raw before the Royal Rumble and that means we are likely going to be getting some last minute names added to the namesake matches. Other than that, Logan Paul is making his Raw debut and that should make for something interesting. We’re also getting the fallout from Saturday Night’s Main Event so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Commentary welcomes us to the show.

Here is Seth Rollins to get things going. Rollins talks about how he’s going to win the Royal Rumble but he hasn’t had a good start to 2025. He remembers the debut of Monday Night Raw on Netflix and having the most humiliating loss of his career. Now though he is ready to win the Royal Rumble, but the question is what title he wants to go after. Maybe the Ring General Gunther, or maybe the American Nightmare Gunther.

Cue Gunther, who wants to know where Rollins has been. Gunther asks where Rollins has been because he’s been stuck fighting people like Jey Uso. He wants to know if Rollins still has it in him, even though he isn’t the greatest wrestler in WWE anymore. Gunther wants the old Rollins to come back and face him at Wrestlemania, just so Gunther can show him who the real World Heavyweight Champion really is.

Cue the debuting Logan Paul to interrupt and my goodness the heat on him is incredible. The booing is so loud that it’s hard to understand him as he talks about how these two are just average. Paul talks about how great he is and he’s officially in the Royal Rumble. It’s clear that he’s incredible at wrestling but now he gets to decide just who he faces for the title. Gunther likes the idea of facing Paul because he could slap the smirk off his face. Rollins says he’ll win and we’re done. Paul’s heat here was unreal and he came off like an absolute star in his first eight minutes or so on the show.

CM Punk isn’t worried about Paul because he’s going to win the Royal Rumble. He’d throw Cathy Kelly over the top if he had to but here is Sami Zayn to interrupt (with Kelly leaving). Zayn brings up Punk saying he wasn’t on his level last week but points out that he’s a Wrestlemania main eventer. Zayn walks off and runs into Karrion Kross, with Zayn not interested in anything he has to say. That’s fine with Kross, but what about what Zayn’s friends have been saying? Stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your head. Cody Rhodes comes in and Zayn kind of blows him off.

Tag Team Titles: Judgment Day vs. War Raiders

The Raiders are defending and get jumped to start. The brawl is on with Erik fighting back, only to get caught with a jawbreaker into a neckbreaker. McDonagh hits a big moonsault out to the floor but bangs his head on the announcers’ table. Cole sounds scared about the landing and the fans applaud McDonagh as he gets up (that’s nice to see). Erik gets double teamed in the corner but gets out without much trouble, allowing the tag off to Ivar to pick up the pace.

A seated senton out of the corner hits Mysterio but Ivar misses a charge over the barricade. Erik powerbombs the villains into each other though, allowing Ivar to hit a flipping dive as we take a break. Back with Erik cleaning house, including a Boss Man Slam and a hard knee to Mysterio.

The springboard clothesline misses though and McDonagh headbutts Erik (McAfee: “Might as well have had a bicycle hit your face.”). Ivar goes up but gets suplexed down by McDonagh and cue Carlito to spit the apple. Mysterio hits a 619 so McDonagh can add the moonsault, setting up the frog splash for two. Erik is back up and the War Machine retains the titles at 11:35.

Rating: B. It took me a bit to get into this one but it wound up being a heck of a match with the power vs. the speed/cheating. The Raiders are doing fine as champions, but it’s hard to imagine that New Day isn’t going to be getting the titles at some pint in the future. McDonagh banging into the table was certainly a sight but thankfully he seemed to be fine.

Ludwig Kaiser comes up to Pete Dunne and they don’t trust Penta. New Day comes in and even Kaiser and Dunne don’t like them. Xavier Woods is ready to face Rey Mysterio tonight. Kingston: “Atlanta’s favorite son has come home!” Cathy Kelly: “Bron Breakker? Austin Theory? Cody Rhodes?” Woods: “NO!” Woods’ family is supposed to be here and they have front row seats…though he hasn’t heard from them.

Rey Mysterio vs. Xavier Woods

The LWO (including Zelina Vega, who is going to Smackdown this weekend) is here too, along with Kofi Kingston. They trade takedowns to start before Woods chops away in the corner. A running hurricanrana gives Mysterio a breather but Woods is right back with a middle rope stomp to the back of the neck.

We take a break and come back with Woods hitting a rather delayed vertical suplex for two more. Woods strikes away before dropping him face first onto the turnbuckle. A Code Red out of the corner gives Mysterio two but Woods sends him outside again. We pause for Woods to go see his family though….and they’re wearing NEW DAY SUCKS shirts. Woods and Kingston yell at them, allowing Mysterio to hit a 619 into the slingshot splash for the pin at 11:01.

Rating: B-. This is one of the better stories in WWE at the moment as New Day is going to start realizing that there are consequences for their actions. That opens up a variety of options and I’m really curious to see how it goes. For now though, it’s another nice match between two talented stars and I’m liking New Day losing given the situation.

Sami Zayn tells Seth Rollins that the Helluva Kick last week was a mistake and Rollins believes him. With the Royal Rumble coming up though, he can’t be so sure. They shake hands though and it seems to be ok.

We get a sneak preview of an interview with CM Punk, which will air during the Royal Rumble Kickoff. Punk is still elusive about the favor Paul Heyman owes him.

Here is Jey Uso, with a rapper name Cuevo, to say he needed that kind of a reception. He lost on Saturday because Gunther was that good. The reality is Uso can beat Gunther so now he has to win the Royal Rumble.

Lyra Valkyria enters the Royal Rumble. American Made comes in with Chad Gable suggesting that Ivy Nile will be the next Women’s Intercontinental Title. Valkyria says this is the closest either of them will get to being Intercontinental Champion but Nile seems to be in the Royal Rumble too. Then they see the Alpha Academy dancing for TikTok and Gable yells at them. Maxxine Dupri looks sad. This is a story that could be dropped without losing much of anything.

Liv Morgan/Raquel Rodriguez vs. Naomi/Bianca Belair

Non-title. Morgan has to slip out of an early KOD attempt so she pulls Belair down by the hair. Belair nips up so Rodriguez comes in for a fight over a suplex. Naomi comes in and gets caught with a double Russian legsweep but gets sent into the corner for some running shots in the corner. It’s back to Morgan, who is taken down with a standing moonsault/legdrop combination for two. Everything breaks down and Naomi and Belair hit a high crossbody each.

We take a break and come back with Rodriguez front facelocking Naomi and swinging her around in quite the power display. A rather hard posting drops Naomi but she’s right back with a hanging Pedigree to the apron. Belair comes in for a suplex to Morgan, whose panicked face on the landing is quite the visual. Rodriguez is driven into Morgan in the corner so Belair can hammer away, only for Morgan to come back with a dropkick.

Rodriguez hits a chokebomb on Belair and powerbombs Morgan onto her for two. Naomi is back up with a slingshot X Factor for two of her own but Morgan is back up with the Codebreaker. The Oblivion is cut off though and Belair hits the KOD, only for Dominik Mysterio to offer a distraction. Naomi’s split legged moonsault connects with Rodriguez making the save and powerbombing her onto the apron. Morgan steals the pin at 12:32.

Rating: C+. This match felt long and I wasn’t getting interested in what they were doing. It wasn’t a bad match, but seeing the champions lose wasn’t exactly thrilling. In theory this sets up a title match down the line, though Naomi and Belair don’t exactly feel like a big time team in the first place.

Rhea Ripley is banged up after her match with Nia Jax but she reminded her why Mami is always on top. She doesn’t care who wins the Royal Rumble, so here is Bayley to tease a challenge. Ripley leaves so here is Iyo Sky to say she’ll see Bayley Saturday.

Since we’re in Atlanta, we look at Michael Cole beating Jerry Lawler at Wrestlemania XXVII in a match that should be erased from history. Pat McAfee rips Cole for his look in the match in a funny bit.

Penta says this is just the beginning so he’s in the Royal Rumble.

Royal Rumble rundown.

Here is Paul Heyman for a chat. He is the one behind the GOAT and the one behind the cover star of WWA (yes A) 2K25. We get the big reveal of the game’s cover and Heyman talks about how Reigns has all kinds of responsibilities to be the game’s cover star. Heyman says he is the one behind the one in 29 vs. 1 and now it is time for Reigns to get his WWE Title back.

Reigns is the biggest star in the world and when we colonize Mars, he’ll be the biggest star on that planet too. There are two stars in the Royal Rumble: Roman Reigns and 29 Roman Reigns wannabes. Those people get down on their hands and knees every night, praying to be Roman Reigns. Cue Drew McIntyre to interrupt and Heyman knows this isn’t good.

McIntyre says they never get to talk but the fans want Reigns. The reality is that McIntyre is responsible for all of Heyman and Reigns’ success. McIntyre won the Royal Rumble and WWE Title in 2020 and then Heyman was able to come back to work with Reigns. Heyman thanks McIntyre, but says McIntyre is crowding him. McIntyre backs up but asks for a favor: have Heyman tell his boy that McIntyre is coming for him at the Royal Rumble. Heyman says he’ll tell Reigns that, but McIntyre meant CM Punk. As usual, Heyman’s praise of Reigns was great, though McIntyre felt like a threat and that’s a good thing.

Sami Zayn vs. Drew McIntyre

Dang they like running this match. McIntyre points out that he’s 10-0 against Zayn in singles matches so Zayn knocks him outside for an Arabian moonsault. Back in and Zayn wins a chop off before getting dropped with a shot to the face. Zayn fights up with a tornado DDT but McIntyre cuts him off on top. They go outside with McIntyre missing a Claymore and landing on the announcers’ table as we take a break.

Back with McIntyre hitting a spinebuster and sitout powerbomb for two each. Zayn is back up with a sunset bomb out of the corner for two of his own. The Blue Thunder Bomb is countered though and McIntyre sends him flying with a suplex. Now the Blue Thunder Bomb gets two but McIntyre catches him on top with the choke suplex. The Claymore misses and McIntyre is sent into the post, allowing Zayn to suplex him into the corner. The Helluva Kick misses though and McIntyre rolls him up with feet on the ropes for the pin at 14:24.

Rating: B-. It says a lot that they have an interesting story in the idea of Zayn chasing both a World Title and a win over McIntyre. That’s something similar to what he did in NXT and I could go for seeing it again. Good enough match here, even if the ending was a bit weak compared to what they have done before.

Post match McIntyre jumps him again but Cody Rhodes runs in for the save. Kevin Owens comes in to deck Rhodes and the brawl is on but Zayn’s Helluva Kick hits Rhodes by mistake.

We get a look at WWE2K25, featuring Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman.

Post break Cody Rhodes is looking up at the two WWE Titles hanging above the ring. He won the title at Wrestlemania and in the last seven months, he has found out that it’s a mindset that makes you a champion. Rhodes is ready for Owens but here is CM Punk to interrupt. Punk asks Rhodes if he’s ok because he knows what it’s like to be WWE Champion for a long time.

Around the 300 day mark, it started to wear on him and he started being someone else. Punk knows Rhodes wants to be Bruno Sammartino or John Cena and do everything but no one is Superman. Rhodes knows that Punk is his friend….right? Punk says of course he is but he sees the road Rhodes is going down. Being champion turns into a heavy is the head that wears the crown situation. Rhodes says we need to cut through all of this and get to the point.

Punk talks about how Rhodes is going to be in his hometown tonight but he won’t sleep because he has an early media call. Either way, he’ll be thinking about his match at the Royal Rumble and even if he wins, he’ll be criss crossing the country after that. It doesn’t matter what is next for Rhodes because there is always something else to do. He’ll see all of these people cheering his name and every kid wearing his merchandise, but there is always going to be in the best shape of their life and coming for him at Wrestlemania. The good news is that one day, someone is going to take the belt from him.

Rhodes: “Tell me the bad news.” Punk: “The bad news is that someone is going to be me.” Punk says that since he’s Rhodes’ one true friend, he’ll stab Rhodes in the front. Rhodes talks about meeting him at OVW and how everyone wanted to be Punk. There was a ten year period with Punk gone, even though the fans were still chanting for him.

Now though, things have changed again because now Punk is chasing Rhodes. He wants Punk to realize that he isn’t the best in the world anymore. A rather tense staredown ends the show. This was GREAT and you could feel the tension here, which is not something you can see with a lot of people. Rhodes and Punk feel like top stars and seeing them have this serious of a segment is a treat.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a show where the wrestling was good but that wasn’t the point. The majority of this show was about building up the Royal Rumble and, at least on the men’s side, my goodness did they hit that out of the park. There were all kinds of people talking about the match and they made it sound like the most important thing in the world. I want to see who is going to win the Royal Rumble because I’m not sure who is going to win it and what is next for everyone else. The rest of the show was good enough, but this was all about setting up the Royal Rumble and it worked very well.

Results
War Raiders b. Judgment Day – War Machine to Mysterio
Rey Mysterio b. Xavier Woods – Slingshot splash
Liv Morgan/Raquel Rodriguez b. Naomi/Bianca Belair – Powerbomb onto the apron to Naomi
Drew McIntyre b. Sami Zayn – Rollup with feet on the ropes

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Saturday Night’s Main Event #38: The Strong Start Continues

Saturday Night’s Main Event #38
Date: January 25, 2025
Location: Frost Bank Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We’re back with another of these just over a month after the big return in December. The card isn’t quite as big this time around, though there are multiple title matches and some interesting showdowns. It’s going to be a bit more tricky as the Royal Rumble is next week so there was only so much to offer here. Let’s get to it.

Joe Tessitore welcomes us to the show, including a bunch of people, such as Ted DiBiase, arriving.

Dig that opening sequence.

Tessitore and Jesse Ventura (in a Public Enemy hat) are on the podium and Jesse can’t believe that Texas can’t handle some Minnesota weather. Jesse is interested in the Intercontinental Title match and he’ll be on commentary for that one.

Raw Women’s Title: Nia Jax vs. Rhea Ripley

Ripley is defending and gets decked during the Big Match Intros so we start fast. A dropkick and tornado DDT put Jax on the floor and there’s a flip dive from the apron as we’re starting fast. Jax is right back with a pop up headbutt though and Ripley is rocked again. A super Samoan drop gives Jax two and we take an early break.

Back with Ripley striking away but not being able to grab a springboard hurricanrana. Instead it’s a Code Red for two on Jax, with the fans sounding impressed. Another Samoan drop cuts Ripley off again though and a middle rope legdrop gets two. The Annihilator is loaded up but Ripley is right there with a powerbomb out of the corner for the massive crash. Jax blocks the Prism Trap but gets sent outside, where Ripley hits a heck of a dive to take her out. Back in and Jax runs her over, setting up an Annihilator to the back, but somehow Ripley electric chairs her down. The Riptide retains the title at 10:38.

Rating: B. This was a different kind of Ripley, as she was having to fight from underneath and didn’t go with just the power game. Instead she was mixing in some more athletic stuff and it made for a nice change of pace. Jax was good as well, as she played quite the monster for Ripley to slay. Good stuff here, almost in a weird version of Sting/Vader.

Alundra Blayze and Mark Henry are here.

Intercontinental Title: Bron Breakker vs. Sheamus

Sheamus is challenging and Jesse Ventura is on commentary. Ventura thinks Breakker is physically impressive, but since he’s a Steiner, 2+2=5. Even Ventura has to laugh at the ensuing Steiner Math jokes. They fight over a lockup to start until Sheamus takes him into the corner as Jesse gives us a history of the “WWF” Intercontinental Title.

Breakker fights back with a suplex and runs the ropes to knocks Sheamus outside. Sheamus is fine enough to cut off a charge and send Breakker into the timekeeper’s area. The ten forearms are broken up and Breakker spears a diving Sheamus out of the air (that looked GREAT) and we take a break. Back with Sheamus wanting Breakker to fight before dropping him with a jumping knee for two.

Now the sixteen forearms can connect and the Celtic Cross gets two more. Breakker is right back with the gorilla press powerslam for two of his own as Ventura seems to be having a good time. Sheamus flips himself up to the top but Breakker runs the corner for the super Frankensteiner. The super spear is cut off with a Brogue Kick for two, with the foot on the rope, with Ventura going on a rant about how the referee shouldn’t have counted three (he didn’t seem to). Another Brogue Kick misses though and Breakker hits an ugly spear to retain at 11:29.

Rating: B-. I’m no sure if they’re ever going to do it, but my goodness they are setting up one heck of a moment if Sheamus ever wins the title. For now, it was another hoss fight, though it felt a bit off for some reason. They weren’t quite clicking, even with that outstanding spear on the floor. Ventura wasn’t quite as hot as he was last month, but he’s still more than good enough to warrant a spot like this.

Video on Shawn Michaels.

Ted DiBiase, Dory Funk Jr. and Jim Duggan are here.

Here is Shawn Michaels, who says he is sweating through his clothes, for the contract signing between Cody Rhodes and Kevin Owens. Michaels promises to get the job done when Nick Aldis couldn’t and brings both of them out. They stare each other down rather than sitting, but Michaels isn’t having this. Michaels says he has to get the signatures and Rhodes signs without saying a word.

Owens (in a CODY SUCKS EGGS shirt) teases signing but doesn’t do it, instead talking about how Rhodes accused him of always taking the easy way out. That’s not what he did at Bash In Berlin, but Rhodes is the one who quit when things got tough. Rhodes: “ENOUGH!” He is done dealing with Owens trying to justify himself and wants to find out who he is facing at Wrestlemania.

Owens still won’t sign and goes on a rant about how he is taking everything he has deserved for the last ten years. Michaels says Owens sounds jealous, which leaves Owens incredulous. Owens thinks Michaels is jealous because he’s bringing more prestige to the title than Michaels ever did. The only one who is going to LOSE HIS SMILE is Rhodes and Owens signs.

Now Michaels needs them to hand over the titles and hang them above the ring (presumably they’ll be moved before the Rumble and not left hanging there until WWE is in San Antonio again). The titles are hung and Michaels wishes both of them good luck. Owens decks Rhodes so Michaels shoves him, leaving Owens to try the package piledriver. Rhodes breaks that up and Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music to leave Owens on the floor. That was an intense segment and Michaels was the perfect choice here, though having him drop Owens might not have been the best idea.

Video on Braun Strowman vs. Jacob Fatu.

Fatu rants about how violent he can be.

Jacob Fatu vs. Braun Strowman

Strowman shoves him around to start and hits a hard shoulder, followed by an elbow to the face. A missed charge sends Strowman outside though and Fatu scores with a suicide dive as we take a break. Back with Strowman hitting a sidewalk slam and a running big boot drops Fatu again.

A big beal sends Fatu outside and there’s the running shoulder to send him into the barricade. Another shot sends Fatu flying over the announcers’ table but a third is countered into a Samoan drop onto the table. Back in and six straight running Umaga Attacks have Strowman on another planet so the referee cuts Fatu off. Fatu shoves the referee to the floor and the match is thrown out at 8:30.

Rating: B-. As a match it wasn’t anything great as Strowman as moving rather slowly, but as an angle to get Fatu over as a monster, this was a smashing success. Fatu took Strowman’s big shots and shrugged them off before wrecking Strowman in the end. This is going to make Fatu look like that much more of a monster and my goodness it worked.

Post match Fatu beats on him even more, followed by taking out security. Strowman is bleeding from the mouth and Fatu hits a moonsault to make it even worse. Tama Tonga comes out to try to calm Fatu down but Fatu hits another moonsault. Fatu finally leaves, with the fans giving him quite the cheers. Then Fatu goes back in for another moonsault. This was outstanding.

The Brainbusters are here.

Joe Tessitore and Jesse Ventura recap the night, with Ventura praising Jacob Fatu.

Royal Rumble rundown.

IShowSpeed will be live streaming at the Royal Rumble. Ok then.

Raw World Title: Jey Uso vs. Gunther

Gunther is defending and since Uso spends too long giving his glasses away, gets kicked in the head to start. Uso tries to hammer away but gets sat on top for a big chop to the floor. We take a break and come back with Gunther hitting a heck of a clothesline as Uso can’t get anything going.

Uso actually gets the better of a chop off but Gunther runs him over again without much effort. The chinlock goes on but Uso powers out and hits a needed Samoan drop. Gunther is right back with the dropkick into the powerbomb for two and a kick to the head sends us to a break.

Back with Uso hitting a superkick and avoiding another dropkick in the corner. Gunther fights up and hammers away in the corner, only to get powerbombed back down for two. The spear gives Uso two more and another spear into the Superfly Splash gets another near fall as the fans are losing it over these near falls. Gunther has had it with this and hits the powerbomb to retain at 17:12.

Rating: B. This felt like a good house show main event, as it wasn’t so much about the drama of a potential title change but rather seeing Gunther have to work to survive. Uso is a perfectly good choice for this kind of title shot, as he is so over with the fans but still an underdog so the loss isn’t really going to hurt him. Good main event here, with Uso looking solid in defeat.

We get what might be a look of respect to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a heck of a show as Saturday Night’s Main Event is off to a great return with the first two episodes. What mattered here was that you had big time matches, putting this just a step below a pay per view level card. For what is essentially a bonus show, I had a good time, with Fatu’s insanity owning the night. Check this out if you get the chance, as it was quite good.

Results
Rhea Ripley b. Nia Jax – Riptide
Bron Breakker b. Sheamus – Super spear
Braun Strowman b. Jacob Fatu when Fatu shoved the referee
Gunther b. Jey Uso – Powerbomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Collision – January 25, 2025: Explain This To Me

Collision
Date: January 25, 2025
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross

It’s Homecoming because we can’t go a week without some kin of special show. It is nice to be back in Daily’s Place though as we should be in for a fun show. We are less than a month away from Grand Slam and it should be time to start getting the rest of the card put together so let’s get to it.

Here is Dynamite if you need a recap.

The Patriarchy, Toni Storm, Mariah May and Samoa Joe are ready to fight.

Opening sequence.

Jim Ross is back. That’s nice to see.

Samoa Joe vs. Nick Wayne

The rest of the Patriarchy is here so Katsuyori Shibata and Hook come out to even things up. You know, assuming Joe wouldn’t be able to smash the entire team on his own. Wayne strikes away to start but misses a shoulder, allowing Joe to hit a backsplash. The early MuscleBuster is broken up and Joe’s leg is wrapped around the ropes. Wayne hits a dive to the floor and it’s time to say on the leg. Joe isn’t having this though as he knocks Wayne back and hits the MuscleBuster for the pin at 5:24.

Rating: C. That’s what this should have been as Wayne was going to be little more than an annoyance to Joe at best. Joe shrugged off whatever Wayne threw at him and finished him in a hurry. There is no point in making this overly complicated and that is what they made work here. Joe is going to be on his way to something better so smashing the Patriarchy on the way there isn’t a bad idea.

We recap Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay brawling with the Don Callis Family on Dynamite, setting up the tag match at Grand Slam.

Kazuchika Okada vs. Komander

Non-title. Komander starts fast with a knockdown and reverses a suplex into a quickly broken choke. Okada isn’t having this and kicks him in the face before going outside. A DDT plants Komander hard and we take an early break. Back with Komander grabbing an X Factor out of a powerbomb and picking up the pace. Okada’s White Noise onto the knee sets up the top rope elbow but the Rainmaker is blocked. Komander grabs a hurricanrana to the floor and hits a moonsault, only to get Rainmakered for the pin at 8:59.

Rating: B-. Hey look: a Ring Of Honor champion loses AGAIN, but we’re still expected to pay to watch that the show. There was no reason for Komander to be Okada’s latest victim here as the champion vs. champion aspect wasn’t much of a bonus. But why let common sense get in the way of something Tony Khan thinks is cool?

Powerhouse Hobbs and Big Bill get in a fight in the parking lot. They hit each other with metal objects, including a gate that Hobbs rips off a fence. Security breaks it up.

The Costco Guys are back but get interrupted by the Undisputed Kingdom for a Boom off.

Undisputed Kingdom vs. Daniel Garcia/Angelo Parker/Matt Menard

Oh hey Parker still works here. Garcia headlocks Cole over to start but they pop up for a staredown. Strong and Menard come in with the former working on a wristlock before grinding on a headlock. Garcia comes in and is quickly backdropped to the floor, where he gets in an argument with Shane Taylor Promotions. We take a break and come back with Garcia hammering on O’Reilly in the corner. O’Reilly fights out without much trouble and hands it back to Cole for a slugout with Garcia. Everything breaks down and Parker is faceplanted for two. A superkick cuts off Garcia and the high/low finishes Parker at 9:55.

Rating: C. This was little more than a handicap match as there was no reason to believe that Parker and Menard were going to be a real threat to the Kingdom. In theory one of these three could be coming after Garcia’s TNT Title, which would be fine, but it didn’t make for much of a six man tag. Parker and Menard are harmless enough but they’re about as bottom of the barrel as you can get around here.

Respect is shown post match.

Max Caster is happy with the response to the Acclaimed’s split and announces an Open Challenge series.

We get a bunch of computer code as I’m guessing Hologram is coming back.

Top Flight argues over Action Andretti and Lio Rush. Darius Martin wants to fight Rush one on one.

Tony Schiavone brings out Mariah May and Toni Storm for a face to face chat. Storm’s enthusiastic handshake offer is turned down and May says Storm makes her think and feel nothing. Storm is nothing and a joke and the fans laugh at her, just like May knew they would. May will get off by humiliating Storm in her hometown.

Storm says she is May’s biggest fan and wants to be just like her. She hugs May, who responds with a heck of a slap. May whips her with the belt and leaves, but Storm asks why May thinks she has forgotten. Storm takes off her clothes to reveal the Timeless gear and promises to shove May back into the womb. For some reason this is presented as a surprise, despite it being pretty obvious for most of the story.

There is a special interview with the Death Riders debuting next week. Jon Moxley’s vision is a thousand Moxleys. Oh dear.

Hounds Of Hell vs. Gates Of Agony

The Hounds are Buddy Matthews/Brody King with Julia Hart as the House Of Black seems to be completely done. Matthews shoulders Kaun to no effect to start and is shouldered into the corner. King and Toa collide before striking it out until King is taken into the wrong corner to take over. That doesn’t last long as King fights out and brings Matthews back in to clean house.

We take a break and come back with Open The Gates getting two on Matthews. The comeback doesn’t take long and it’s off to King to clean house, including a Death Valley Driver for two on Toa. A Samoan drop gets the same on King, who Kaun can’t powerbomb. Instead King hits a piledriver and a Cannonball/running dropkick combination in the corner finishes Kaun at 10:04.

Rating: B-. The Hounds are already a good team so this was little more than a way to show that Malakai Black is gone and they’ll be fine. The Gates aren’t a great team but they’re a couple of monsters and it looks good for the Hounds to beat them. This was a nice way to show us the new team and I’m interested in seeing what they can do. A hoss fight with the Hurt Syndicate could work just fine.

The Costco Guys bring Harley Cameron, who can’ t get their catchphrase right. The Vendetta comes in to mock Cameron and the Guys do their catchphrase. Again.

Penelope Ford and Thunder Rosa argue and a match seems to be made.

Deonna Purrazzo vs. Serena Deeb vs. Yuka Sakazaki vs. Queen Aminata

For a future TBS Title shot. They go for early rollups to start to limited avail, leaving Purrazzo to chill on the ramp with Taya Valkyrie. Deeb ties up Aminata’s leg before neckbreakering her over the top rope. Sakazaki clears the ring and hits a big dive to take everyone out on the floor.

We take a break and come back with Purrazzo Fujiwara armbarring Aminata, who rolls her way out. Everyone but Deeb is down but Sakazaki is back with a high crossbody to take her down. Deeb and Aminata brawl up the ramp so Valkyrie comes in, only for Harley Cameron to come in for the save. Sakazaki rolls Purrazzo up for the pin at 9:30.

Rating: B-. So Sakazaki, who hasn’t gotten a singles win since September (the most recent of these four to win a singles match in AEW is Purrazzo, who won a squash more than a month ago), is suddenly in a four way for a title shot. Sure, why not. The match was the usual collection of four people with nothing going on suddenly getting into the title picture because it’s not like there are people here doing things who could be in these slots instead. But hey, at least Mone gets to wrestle one of her friends from Japan, because that’s what matters the most.

The Hounds are back and bark but Kazuchika Okada comes in to say they sound like b******. Buddy Murphy challenges him for the Continental Title but that’s a no. Murphy: “Then you’re the b****.” Okada: “I’m not a b****.” This has been “how much can we get out of a one word joke”.

Here is Big Bill to call out Powerhouse Hobbs. Cue Hobbs, who has to beat up security, allowing Bill to hit him with a backpack. Said backpack contains a brick, a knee brace, and handcuffs. Hobbs is cuffed and beaten, with his nose busted open. Bill beats him with a chair but Hobbs gets in a low blow, setting up the belly to belly off the stage through a table.

The Don Callis Family has dinner at the….Don Callis Mansion? Callis tells the team to be ready for Kenny Omega and Will Ospreay and teases a new member. This was so over the top that it was funny.

International Title: Konosuke Takeshita vs. Katsuyori Shibata

Shibata is challenging and Don Callis is on commentary. They go to the mat to start as Callis confirms that yes, he does think everyone else is stupid. Shibata slips out of a headscissors but can’t get in a kick to the head so they get back up. They head outside with Shibata being sent into the barricade but he cuts off a charge with a hard kick.

We take a break and come back with Shibata striking away, setting up a butterfly suplex for two. An exchange of suplexes sets up an STO to put Takeshita down and we get a double breather. Shibata grabs a choke but Takeshita reverses into a Tombstone into a wheelbarrow suplex.

Shibata pops back up for a running shot and they’re both down again. The abdominal stretch has Takeshita in trouble so Callis heads to the ring. Takeshita chokes him down but Callis grabs the foot to break up the PK. One heck of a Blue Thunder Bomb gives Takeshita one and they strike it out, only for Raging Fire to retain the title at 13:32.

Rating: B+. I got way into this one and it was a heck of a main event. They were beating each other up and while I didn’t think Shibata was going to win the title, he put in an awesome effort in defeat. This is one of those matches where there isn’t much else to say other than it was really good and is worth a look if you get the chance.

Overall Rating: B-. As tends to be the case with a lot of Collisions, there is a really good hour long show in here but instead it was stretched out to two hours and brought down a lot. The issues with random people being thrown into title contention are still going strong and that is likely to be the case forever around here. Other than that, the main event is very good and the Hounds looked great, so there were definitely some big positives on this show.

Results
Samoa Joe b. Nick Wayne – MuscleBuster
Kazuchika Okada b. Komander – Rainmaker
Undisputed Kingdom b. Daniel Garcia/Angelo Parker/Matt Menard – High/Low to Parker
Hounds Of Hell b. Gates Of Agony – Cannonball/running dropkick in the corner combination to Kaun
Yuka Sakazaki b. Serena Deeb, Queen Aminata and Deonna Purrazzo – Rollup to Purrazzo
Konosuke Takeshita b. Katsuyori Shibata – Raging Fire

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Paul Bearer’s Hits From The Crypt (2025 Edition): WOW This Was Terrible

Paul Bearer’s Hits From The Crypt
Host: Paul Bearer
Commentators: Stan Lane, Gorilla Monsoon, Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, Johnny Polo

Sometimes you need some good old fashioned Coliseum Video and…well this is from around 1994 and that’s not going to be the top shelf stuff. In this case, we should at last have some good stuff in there. I’ve done this tape before but it’s been a good many years and who am I to question the WWE Vault? Let’s get to it.

Paul Bearer welcomes us from the crypt and talks about the THOUSANDS of matches he’s gone through to pick the following.

From Syracuse, New York, April 12, 1994.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Lex Luger

Feeling out process to start as commentary goes on a bit of a weird rant about Jerry Jarrett (Jeff’s father) having a big mouth and running back to the south. Luger grabs a headlock to start so Jarrett complains about a hair pull, which commentary does not like. Jarrett’s shoulders to the ribs in the corner just seem to annoy Luger so Jarrett goes with some arm cranking.

That just earns him a gorilla press and the fans approve, but then Luger just strolls around the ring, as tends to be his case. A clothesline out of the corner gives Jarrett a breather and commentary is on him about wasting time, ignoring Luger being far worse about it just a few seconds earlier. Some ax handles to the back keep Luger in trouble as commentary calls out Luger for his lack of fire. Dang you can hear the burial building and it’s only going to get worse. Lane: “Lex could be sick, he could be injured. He could be coming off a European tour and be tired!”

The sleeper goes on and Luger has to fight up after two arm drops. Luger powers up and gets a suplex before starting the generic comeback. A few clotheslines and an elbow into a powerslam (Monsoon: “Not all that well executed by Lex.”) sets up the Rebel Rack to finish Jarrett at 13:13.

Rating: D+. Luger might as well have been reaching out for the paycheck that was keeping him going at this point as there was NOTHING here that would make you want to see him again. It was the most generic offense (as always) and absolutely no fire at all, with commentary coming close to burying him. It’s no shock that he was more or less done as anything important, as this was a cross between dull and embarrassing to watch.

From Springfield, Massachusetts, February 2, 1994.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels with Diesel, is challenging and takes his time to start. They shove each other a bit before Ramon throws the toothpick into his face to really get things going. Michaels bails out to the floor for a chase before running the ropes back inside as we’re over two minutes in without any major contact. A leapfrog doesn’t quite work for Michaels though and Razor gets in a powerslam for two.

Michaels’ neckbreaker gives him two of his own but Razor punches his way out of a sunset flip, setting up the big clothesline to the floor. They go outside where Razor pulls the floor padding back but a Razor’s Edge on the floor is broken up, allowing Michaels to get in a hard posting. That slows things down a good bit and a slam on the exposed concrete has Razor’s back in trouble.

Back in and Shawn starts in on said back, including a top rope ax handle and a chinlock with a knee between the shoulders. That’s switched into a regular chinlock until Razor fights up, only to have his back give out on a backslide. The chinlock goes back on and Monsoon goes into an anatomy rant that has to be him showing off. Said chinlock lasts a rather long time until Razor fights up and hits a big running knee.

A backdrop sends Michaels flying but Razor’s back gives out to leave them both down again. Razor starts hammering but Diesel pulls him outside with Michaels joining in for the double countout at 11:28. Hold on though as Razor grabs the mic and says let’s see who the real champion is. Michaels eventually comes back in but Diesel’s distraction doesn’t work, allowing Razor to punch Michaels out of the air for two. The belly to back superplex is broken up and Michaels hits a nice superkick for two.

Back up and the referee gets bumped, meaning there is no one to count after the Razor’s Edge. Diesel comes in with a belt shot but the referee is still down. After a delay so long that it had to be mistimed, the referee gets up for two as Marty Jannetty runs in for the save. Somehow that isn’t a DQ so Diesel misses a shot at Marty and hits Michaels by mistake, allowing Razor to get a rollup pin at 18:54.

Rating: B-. This was a weird one, as you would think that a nearly 20 minute Razor vs. Michaels match would be a layup, but they tried to pack a lot into the end while not doing much for long stretches earlier on. The chinlock went on WAY too long and they had to lay around for a good while at the end, likely due to Marty being late. If you cut about five minutes out of this, it’s far better, though I kept waiting on one of them to grab a ladder as those matches are so much more famous.

Bearer takes us to a dressing room which was used by people like WC Fields and Harry Houdini. Ok then.

From Syracuse, New York on April 12, 1994.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mabel

Luna Vachon and Oscar are here too as I wonder what I did so wrong to wind up here. Bigelow jumps him to start and nearly knocks the….whatever it is that he’s wearing. Mabel is back with an elbow, only to miss an elbow drop. An armdrag of all things takes Bigelow down and Mabel grabs an armbar as it’s already time for a breather. The armbar goes to the mat before Mabel manages a suplex, only to miss a splash.

Bigelow enziguris him to the floor where Oscar runs away from Luna (smart man). Commentary compares Mabel’s hair to Bigelow’s tattoos as Mabel slowly gets back inside. Bigelow grabs an armbar as Monsoon says that it’s hard to see where one ends and where the other starts. No Gorilla, it really isn’t.

An armdrag into another armbar has Mabel down as Lane is mocking Luna’s facial tattoos. Mabel fights up and gets in an armdrag, followed by a not so great dropkick. The spinwheel kick (it didn’t get much air) sets up a splash to Bigelow in the corner, only for him to break up a bulldog as this keeps going. A better than expected Cactus Clothesline leaves them on the floor and a rather fast ten count is a double countout at 8:32.

Rating: D. Oh like this was ever going to be good. Bigelow was trying here but there is only so much you can do with someone Mabel’s size. It was slow and very plodding with a lot of laying around in between the moves that didn’t go well. The WWF LOVES this kind of match though and I can see why live fans would have some fun with it, but dang it does not exactly hold up well.

Bearer says we’ve all been following the Headshrinkers vs. the Quebecers but he recaps it for us anyway.

From Burlington, Vermont on April 26, 1994 and actually from the May 2 Raw.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Headshrinkers

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo, are defending. Fatu and Pierre start things off as Vince thinks there are some Quebecers fans around here because we’re so close to Canada. They shove each other around to start with Fatu being rather excited. Fatu runs him over and it’s off to Jacques vs. Samu and a rake of the eyes lets the villain take over. Everything breaks down and the Quebecers are knocked outside, which is enough for them to walk out.

That’s enough for the referee to say get back in here or it’s a title change. The Quebecers do run back in, break the count, and then head outside again and we take a break. Back with Pierre getting knocked around as Savage seems to want a sandwich. Jacques gets in a knee from the apron to take over and the big clothesline turns Fatu inside out. A ram into the steps has Fatu in trouble and it’s a clothesline/legsweep combination for two. Jacques backdrops Pierre onto Fatu for two more and we’re clipped to Fatu managing a backdrop over the top.

Naturally that means it’s time to put the camera on the commentators, with the tag back to Samu bringing us back to the ring. That’s cut off in a hurry though as Samu’s head gets caught in the ropes to slow him down. A piledriver puts Samu down but the top rope Cannonball misses. Polo tries to get up but gets dropped by Afa and Captain Lou Albano. Jacques accidentally decks Pierre, who hits him right back. The double Stroke into the Superfly Splash gives Fatu the pin and the titles at 19:30.

Rating: C-. I was always a Headshrinkers fan but this didn’t work out very well. Other than Pierre getting some crazy height on the Cannonball, there wasn’t much to be seen here. It was just a kind of dull match, though seeing a title change on a tape like this is a cool bonus. Just have a better match next time.

From Poughkeepsie, New York on March 21, 1994, from the April 4 Raw.

Adam Bomb vs. Earthquake

Wrestlemania X rematch with Earthquake powering him out of the ring to start. Bomb misses a big swing and gets clotheslined back down for his efforts. Another knockdown works for Bomb and an elbow gets two. Earthquake does his best Andre impression by being tied up in the ropes but we pause for Howard Finkel to stare Harvey Wippleman down. Bomb misses another elbow but so does Earthquake. A top rope clothesline gives Bomb two but Earthquake hits a nice belly to belly. Another elbow (geez) and legdrop set up the Earthquake from Earthquake for the pin at 4:21.

Rating: D+. Well that was a lot of missed elbows. Seriously there were probably five of them missing in a match that wasn’t even five minutes long. It isn’t a good sign when the match is this long and somehow worse than their really short match at Wrestlemania. Also, Earthquake winning again in 1994 is bizarre to see.

Bearer has apparently been in a theater and recaps what we have been seeing. He could be completely cut out of this and nothing would be lost. And he’s not even in a crypt!

From Utica, New York on April 11, 1994 on the April 18, 1994 Raw.

Bret Hart vs. Kwang

Hart’s WWF Title isn’t on the line. Kwang hammers away to start and kicks Hart in the face before spraying the green mist into the air (not slime Vince). Hart fights up and takes over onto the arm, including some armdrags into an armbar. That’s broken up and Hart is sent outside as we take a break.

Back with Kwang hitting a running spinwheel kick in the corner and getting two off a snapmare (yes a snapmare). The nerve hold goes on as Owen Hart calls in, with Bret fighting up and hitting a quick crossbody. Owen calmly talks about how he’s going to beat Bret in a Wrestlemania rematch as Bret fights back and hits a few Moves Of Doom. The Sharpshooter finishes Kwang off at 10:18.

Rating: C. Well that was short and to the point. This was little more than a reason to have Owen call in and to get Bret on the tape. That makes for a weird moment though as this was about setting up an upcoming Raw match, which you wouldn’t be able to see if you were watching the tape later. It doesn’t help that it was a nothing match with Kwang not being much of a challenge in any way.

From Rochester, New York on April 13, 1994.

Quebecers/Jeff Jarrett vs. Men On A Mission/Doink The Clown

Monsoon forgets that Ray Rougeau has retired and it’s Doink dropping a right hand on Jacques to start. Jarrett gets in a cheap shot from the apron and comes in to stomp away as commentary points out that the Quebecers’ titles aren’t on the line. You couldn’t put this match before the title change on the same tape? Mo comes in to trade shoulders with Pierre, who easily takes over with a big running shoulder (that looked good), only to charge into a spinebuster.

Doink comes in but gets stomped down as the alternating beating begins. A big toss sends Doink throat first onto the top rope and Pierre gets backdropped onto him for two. Jarrett’s dropkick in the corner sets up more choking and Doink is about to lose his hair. Monsoon: “HEY DOINK! GET OUT!” A sunset flip gives Doink one and he is immediately stomped right back down.

Doink finally gets a boot up to knock Pierre away and the tag…well it should bring in Mable as the referee didn’t see it despite looking right at them. Monsoon is calling for Mabel to come in and drag Doink to the right corner as Jacques gets two off a piledriver. Doink gets up and brings in Mabel to clean house without much effort. A clothesline sets up the double splash to pin Jacques 11:33.

Rating: D+. This tape is getting to the point of horrible with one dull match after another. Here we had Doink getting beaten up for a good while, with Monsoon getting annoyed at the whole thing (and forgetting who was Mo and who was Oscar). Mabel was the big wrecking ball at the end but it was a really dull path to get there.

Paul Bearer talks about going to the theater with Undertaker on cold nights.

From Springfield, Massachusetts on February 2, 1994.

Lex Luger/Randy Savage vs. Yokozuna/Crush

Savage is banged up but Monsoon insists that he was going to wrestle after putting his “John Henry” on the contract. Luger and Yokozuna start things off with Yokozuna punching him down. Some running clotheslines rock Yokozuna but he drops Luger with a single clothesline. Savage comes in to work on the arm and the good guys change without a tag when Crush tries to cheat.

Yokozuna pulls Luger over to the corner for the tag to Crush, who takes over rather quickly. It’s already back to Savage, who gets distracted by Mr. Fuji and beaten down into the corner as things slow back down. Crush grabs a bodyscissors as this couldn’t be more of a “yeah we’re doing the match, don’t expect anything else” match if it tried, because they aren’t exactly doing so.

Yokozuna comes in for the nerve hold (with his back to the camera because this wasn’t a TV match. The big charge misses in the corner and Savage…well eventually goes towards the right corner but takes so long that Crush cuts him off. Crush goes up top but misses a….I think we’ll say knee, allowing the tag off to Luger. That’s cut off almost immediately but Savage gets in a salt bucket shot to Crush for the pin at 12:21. Yeah what a hero.

Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness this was lame as CRUSH was probably working the hardest here. No one cared in the slightest out there and the match just came and went. I know it’s the last match of the night and the fans are ready to go home, but sweet goodness, a bit of effort should not be too much to ask. Horrible stuff.

Bearer sets up the main event, thank goodness.

From Springfield, Massachusetts on November 30, 1993.

Undertaker vs. Crush

Crush doesn’t even get an entrance here to show you how important this is. Commentary makes impotence jokes as we get a staredown to start. Crush hammers away but gets caught with a running DDT as the pace is already slowing. An elbow drop misses and it’s a clothesline to put Undertaker on the floor, only for him to grab the Stunner over the top.

Old School connects before Undertaker misses the jumping clothesline (that looked weird). Crush superkicks him outside as Johnny Polo wants to know the difference between a thrust kick and a crescent kick. Some chair shots put Undertaker down and the slow strikes ensue. A ram into the corner wakes Undertaker up for some reason but Crush cuts him off with a backbreaker.

The posing lets Undertaker sit up, with Polo freaking out because it takes so long for Undertaker to sit up that you can pin him. Crush does some military presses (geez) and drops a leg but Undertaker sits up again. For some reason Crush tries a Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing to give Undertaker the win at 7:02.

Rating: C-. First and foremost: Johnny Polo came as close to saving this as he was HILARIOUS, with the running gag about covering Undertaker before the situp being great stuff and seemingly accurate. Other than that, they didn’t do much here but Crush’s military presses were impressive and Undertaker can do some good things with just about anyone. Somehow this was a better match than almost anything on the tape, which shows you just how bad things are going here. It wasn’t a great or even good match, but at least it was a nicer (on a sliding scale) way to end things.

Bearer wraps it up.

Overall Rating: D-. When Kwang is in the second best match out of two hours, there is not much wroth seeing on this stupid tape. This was one of the worst releases I’ve ever seen from Coliseum Video as there was no reason for it to be this bad. You could see how bad things were for the WWF around this time and egads this was a perfect showcase of why. Bad wrestling, few stars to get behind and just….what was supposed to be good here? Absolutely awful stuff.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2006 (2020 Redo): Off To A Bad Start

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is going to be an interesting one as the Rumble itself has received very little build. It has gotten about as little attention as I can remember in recent years, but things are in a weird place at the moment anyway. Other than that, we have Mark Henry challenging Kurt Angle for the Smackdown World Title and John Cena trying to get the Raw World Title back from Edge. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at all three main events, which is covering all of the bases fairly well.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Kid Kash, Gregory Helms, Jamie Noble, Funaki, Nunzio, Paul London

Kash is defending, it’s one fall to a finish, only former champions are allowed in, and if this was mentioned on Smackdown, it was in a one off statement. They go with the parade of rollups to start until the five Smackdown wrestlers jump Raw’s Helms. Noble armbars Kash but it’s broken up by London as this is more like a battle royal with everyone pairing off. London is sent to the floor and Nunzio hits the Sicilian Slice (middle rope Fameasser on Helms).

Noble hits a flying leg lariat on Kash with Funaki breaking it up at two. Funaki whips Noble to the ropes but Noble dives onto Nunzio instead. Kash and Funaki head outside and it’s London hitting a shooting star onto the big pile at ringside. Back in and Helms hits a super swinging neckbreaker on London, followed by Kash hitting London with the Dead Level. Nunzio and Funaki make the save so Noble chops the heck out of Funaki. A fireman’s carry gutbuster sets up a dragon sleeper but Helms makes the save. Noble is sent outside and a Shining Wizard to Funaki gives Helms the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This was the right call for Helms, who lost clean to Jerry Lawler on pay per view earlier this month. He needs to get away from Raw as fast as he can and this is as good of a way as he can do it. There are only so many spots for cruiserweights on either show but it’s not like Kash was anything special anyway. Good move, and a nice choice for a start.

Teddy Long and Vince McMahon are ready for the Rumble but Vince is more excited that Torrie Wilson, Candice Michelle and Victoria are monitoring the tumbler. Randy Orton comes in to draw his number, as does HHH. Trash talk ensues and HHH asks Candice to hold his ball. HHH is really unhappy with his number, with Randy telling him that he’s screwed.

Trish Stratus, refereeing the next match, is warming up when Mickie James comes in with something to tell her. It’s not a good time, but Mickie says she loves her. Trish leaves without saying anything.

Ashley vs. Mickie James

Trish is refereeing and Lawler longs to be her shirt. Mickie and Ashley fight to the floor before heading back inside for an exchange of wristlocks. Ashley actually gets the better of it, with Joey calling her “technically sound”. Mickie is sent outside for an apron clothesline from Ashley, followed by some technically sound right hands in the corner. Trish breaks it up so Mickie grabs a quickly broken half crab.

That’s fine with Mickie, who gets to stare at Trish and beat Ashley up on the floor. A bow and arrow goes on with commentary pointing out that Mickie is trying to impress Trish. Ashley fights up and throws her down by the hair a few times before rolling Mickie up for two. Something like a spear drives Mickie into the corner as the fans are loudly booing Ashley. More right hands in the corner have Mickie in trouble but she uses the trunks to pull Ashley down with a powerbomb for a distressed three from Trish.

Rating: D. Ashley is trying as hard as she can but she’s just not that good. It doesn’t help when you have Mickie and Trish, two of the best of their generation, out there while we have to sit through Ashley’s bad….well almost everything. They’re stretching this out until Wrestlemania and putting Ashley in the ring on pay per view for nearly eight minutes is not the best way to go about it.

Post match Mickie hugs Trish, who still doesn’t seem pleased.

Vince admires the women’s tattoos, some of which are in some suggestive places. Big Show comes in to draw his number but can’t get his hand in the tumbler. Rey Mysterio comes in and, after an Eddie chat with Big Show, draws his number. Rey: “Eddie, you got me man. You got me.”

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

Jillian Hall is here with JBL. After cowering during Boogeyman’s entrance, JBL hides behind Ashley and then bails to the floor. Boogeyman mounts her and spits worms onto her, which is finally enough to get us ready. JBL hammers away to knock Boogeyman outside before taking him inside for some choking with the tape. The Clothesline From JBL only hits the corner though and Boogeyman hits the pumphandle powerslam for the pin. I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not, as Boogeyman isn’t exactly a main event star, but JBL isn’t as much of one as he was just a few months ago.

Worms are consumed post match.

Mama Benjamin hits on Vince and Shelton Benjamin draws. That goes well for him but here’s Melina to interrupt. Mama gets Shelton out in a hurry as MNM come in to draw. They seem rather pleased and Melina offers to have the two of them get rid of Shawn Michaels.

We recap the Royal Rumble, which is more or less “anyone could win”. They haven’t focused on it that much this year and that leaves some options open.

It’s Royal Rumble time but here’s the Spirit Squad to interrupt. After a cheer about the Rumble, we’re ready to go. Glad we got that out of the way, but it’s certainly a unique gimmick.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals with HHH in at #1 and Rey Mysterio, in a low rider, in at #2. Lawler: “If you’re number one or two, you’re screwed.” This company really doesn’t have much of a memory does it? Rey goes fast to start with a running dropkick to the knee and a headscissors. The right hands in the corner set up the missed 619 and it’s Simon Dean in at #3. Dean stomps on Rey but can only send him to the apron. For some reason Dean thinks HHH will like him and that’s good for an elimination in a hurry.

Rey hits the Bronco Buster on HHH and it’s Psicosis in at #4. Psicosis goes after Rey as well and a swinging sitout faceplant drops him again. An attempt at a Razor’s Edge over the top results in a hurricanrana to get rid of Psicosis. Before anything else can happen, it’s Ric Flair in at #5 (Flair was in five Rumbles. In four of them, he was in the first five entrants.). HHH panics and the fight is on, with Flair grabbing him low but getting poked in the eyes.

A backdrop gets rid of Flair and it’s Big Show in at #6. That means another beatdown on HHH, including the standing legdrop and an elbow. Jonathan Coachman is in at #7 and Big Show gets rid of him as quickly as you would expect. Show stands on HHH’s head again and it’s Bobby Lashley (a dark horse according to Cole) in at #8. A big right hand puts Lashley down but he backdrops Show in a nice power display.

Lashley kicks Show to the floor (not eliminated) and it’s Kane in at #9 as they’re stacking the first part of this thing. Kane and Lashley slug it out with Kane hitting a big boot. Lashley snaps off a belly to belly, knocks down HHH, and hits the Dominator on Kane. It’s Sylvan in at #10, giving us HHH, Mysterio, Big Show, Lashley, Kane and Sylvan.

After Lashley dispatches him even faster than Show got rid of Coach, it’s a double chokeslam to plant Lashley. Kane and Show get rid of him after a strong showing and it’s the giant slugout. They choke each other on the ropes until HHH dumps both of them out (I’m shocked too) so here’s Carlito at #11 to fill in the ring a little more. Carlito stomps on Rey and HHH until a Roddy Piper style eye poke gets HHH out of trouble. Chris Benoit is in at #12 with Cole explaining about Benoit winning last year (hopefully jogging Lawler’s memory a bit).

The Crossface has Carlito in trouble, with HHH making the fast save. That wasn’t the brightest idea in the world but he sends Benoit to the apron where they fight over a suplex attempt. Benoit puts him down and hits the Swanton but here’s Booker T. (back in the long tights) in at #13. Benoit gets rid of Booker in about 20 seconds (Booker was probably still injured) so it’s back to chopping away at everyone else.

Joey Mercury is in at #14 and Benoit gives him a German suplex in a hurry. More chopping ensues as Tatanka of all people is in at #15 to go after HHH. The fans seem to remember him, but that might just be the Florida State Seminoles chant. Everyone pairs off and it’s Johnny Nitro in at #16 as Benoit gets HHH to the apron. Trevor Murdoch is in at #17 (Lawler: “He looks like a big bottle of milk.”) as the ring is getting full in a hurry. Rey is sent to the apron for the third time but is right back in with a basement dropkick to HHH.

Eugene is in at #18 for an airplane spin on Murdoch so Rey gives the two of them a double bulldog. Animal, with bright green shoulder pads, is in at #19. Things slow down again with the only thing between entrances being MNM failing to get rid of Rey. The returning Rob Van Dam is in at #20, giving us HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Tatanka, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, Animal and Van Dam. Rob goes after almost everyone, including a spinwheel kick to HHH. MNM goes after Rob but he shrugs that off and gets rid of Animal.

Orlando Jordan is in at #21 and doesn’t even get a reaction in his hometown. There are WAY too many people in there and it’s making it hard to do much. Van Dam manages a middle rope kick to Carlito’s face and it’s Chavo Guerrero in at #22. Rolling Thunder hits Jordan and Chavo gets to clean a little house, including Three Amigos to Nitro. For some reason Chavo goes up top and HHH shove shim out without much effort.

Matt Hardy is in at #23 as there is only room for about two people to do anything at a time. MNM dumps Tatanka and it’s Super Crazy in at #24. He comes in with a very high crossbody to MNM and it’s back to fighting on the ropes. Shawn Michaels is in at #25 and PLEASE GET RID OF SOME PEOPLE. Murdoch is Shawn’s first victim and it’s Chris Masters in at #26 because the ring MUST stay overly full. Mercury and Hardy both save themselves and HHH has to do it as well.

Viscera is in at #27 (lucky us) for a Samoan drop on Hardy. There’s the Visagra and Hardy is out for daring to try a Twist of Fate on the monster. Shelton Benjamin is in at #28 as Benoit gets rid of Eugene. There’s a Dragon Whip to HHH as Goldust is in at #29. Crazy seems to have been put out off camera and Randy Orton is in at #30.

Side note: Cole says Orton is coming off a phenomenal 2005. What exactly did he do? Lose the title match against HHH at the Rumble, lose against the Undertaker at Wrestlemania and in the Cell, and need his dad to help him beat Undertaker. Oh and be the sole survivor at Survivor Series (thanks to a distraction), which he had done twice before. That’s phenomenal?

Anyway, the final grouping is HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Van Dam, Jordan, Michaels, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or nearly half of the field. Orton gets rid of Benoit in a hurry to make up for Smackdown and Carlito/Masters dump Viscera. Carlito immediately turns on Masters to eliminate him as they’re picking up the pace in a hurry.

Goldust hits Shattered Dreams on Carlito, and is quickly eliminated by Van Dam. Orton gets rid of Jordan (after a ridiculous sixteen minutes), leaving Shawn and HHH to do their big showdown. MNM breaks that up but Michaels breaks that up and sends Nitro into Mercury to get rid of Joey. Michaels clotheslines Nitro out and skins the cat back in but Shelton jumps him. Shawn superkicks Shelton out without much effort but here’s Vince McMahon to order Michaels out.

Cue Shane McMahon from behind to dump Shawn, who charges back in, chases Shane off, superkicks HHH for old times’ sake, and follows the McMahons to the back. Van Dam gets rid of Carlito and we’re down to Van Dam, HHH, Orton and Mysterio. The tag match breaks out with Van Dam and Mysterio getting the better of it. For some reason Rob goes up and gets crotched by HHH, who sends Rey into Van Dam for the elimination.

Rey has to knock HHH and Orton down at the same time, setting up a double 619. Orton clotheslines Rey down though and powerslams HHH for a bonus. HHH is back up with a spinebuster to Orton but Rey gets rid of HHH to bring the fans WAY back into it. Just because he’s evil, HHH pulls Mysterio to the floor and sends him into the steps. The EDDIE chants start up and Rey manages to slip off Orton’s shoulder and a hurricanrana gives Rey the win.

Rating: B-. It’s good enough, but the Eddie praise got a little rough to take as the match went on. The far bigger problem though was having so many people in the ring at once for long stretches, leaving the people to have to find what openings they could in their limited room. That’s not a good setup for the Rumble and when it’s for the sake of having people like Tatanka and Jordan in there for long stretches, they seem to be missing the point.

Mickie interrupts a Trish interview and says she understands what Trish had to do out there. It’s because Trish loves her too! Trish follows her off to straighten things out.

Rey celebrates in the back when Edge comes in to say Rey better not try Benoit’s loophole by jumping over to Raw.

We recap Edge vs. John Cena for the Raw World Title. Edge cashed in the Money in the Bank briefcase after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber and went on to be a very different kind of champion. It was rather cool at times, but he doesn’t have much chance in this one.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena is challenging and comes to the ring walking across a confetti shooting scaffold that was lowered from the ceiling. Joey says Cena is fresh here, rather than coming off a 45 minute Elimination Chamber. Why can no one in wrestling tell time? The match wasn’t even 30 minutes long. Cena clotheslines him to the floor to start but Edge manages a trip into the middle buckle.

Back up and Cena grabs a side slam for two so Edge bails outside. That means it’s already time for a Lita distraction and Edge spears Cena into the steps. Cena is sent over the barricade for a nine count and Edge mocks You Can’t See Me. Some kicks to Cena’s face get two and Edge suplexes him down to work on the ribs some more. Cena is sent outside this time and Edge follows to keep hammering away. Back in and Edge gets two off a missile dropkick, setting up a jumping clothesline.

Edge snaps off some jabs to the jaw but has to rake the eyes to get out of a quick FU attempt. Another boot to the face lets Edge go up for a high crossbody, with Cena rolling through for a quick two. A chinlock with a bodyscissors has Cena down again but he powers to his feet. Cena grabs a DDT and they’re both down. The comeback is on and the Shuffle connects for no cover thanks to Lita. That doesn’t really matter though as Cena hits the FU into the STFU to get the title back.

Rating: B-. The wrestling was good enough but the ending wasn’t quite in doubt. As cool as it was to see Edge win the title, I don’t think anyone was buying him as being the champion coming into Wrestlemania. Cena is still the biggest star in the world, despite the mixed reactions getting stronger. I’m thinking Edge will be fine though, as the ratings for his shows as champion are hard to ignore.

Post match, Edge doesn’t want to talk and storms off. Jim Duggan comes up for the obvious Lita joke. I love that Duggan got into gear for the sake of the cameo. It’s such a wrestler thing to do.

Kurt Angle is ready to beat Mark Henry. He’s coming in as champion and leaving as champion. Oh and Mark Henry: YOU SUCK!

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle

Henry is challenging and has Daivari in his corner. Angle goes for the leg to start and is shrugged off with ease. With the direct approach not working, it’s off to some speed to make Henry miss. Henry gets hold of Angle’s hand though and starts cranking, before dropping Angle ribs first across the top rope. After a trip to the floor with Henry wrecking the steps for no reason, they head back inside with Henry dropping onto his chest for two. The bearhug goes on but Angle slips out and goes for the ankle lock. Henry powers out so Angle hits the German suplex.

The Angle Slam connects for two and the straps go down, setting up another ankle lock. Henry powers out again and the referee gets bumped. Angle goes for a chair, which he uses on Daivari for trying to cut him off. Henry takes the chair from Angle, so it’s a low blow to slow Henry down. Two chair shots to the head give Angle two so he unhooks a turnbuckle pad. Henry goes face first and it’s a rollup with a grab of the rope to retain.

Rating: D. Well that didn’t work. Rey Mysterio got a better match out of Henry on Smackdown and Angle had to cheat over and over to survive here. They might have been able to do something with some more time, but at about nine and a half minutes, there wasn’t much that they could pull off as Angle had to spend the last few minutes cheating to keep the title. I get protecting Henry, but dang this was a rough sit.

Post match Angle celebrates but the gong sounds. Flanked by druids, Undertaker comes to the ring in a horse drawn chariot before motioning that he wants the title. Some lighting goes off at the posts and the ring collapses to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There’s nothing on here worth seeing, as the Rumble is middle of the road at best, the World Title matches were never in doubt, and nothing was especially good. It’s a weird time in WWE as they’re trying to gear up for Wrestlemania but other than exploiting Eddie’s death, there isn’t much that can be done to fire up interest at the moment. Wrestlemania doesn’t look promising, but it does feel like it’s a long way off, which isn’t a good sign either. The show isn’t terrible, but it also isn’t anything you need to see.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Royal Rumble 2005 (2019 Redo): Oops I Tore My Quad

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

We’re finally to one of the more important shows ever and the main event is a two horse race. This is clearly the year of John Cena or Batista and either one is a great option to win. They’re owning their shows right now and both of them seem to be locks to walk out of Wrestlemania with the World Titles. Predictable does not mean bad though and that seems to be the case here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at great Rumble endings as a clock counts down. After it reaches zero, we see….well more of the same actually but there are so many historic Rumble moments that it works just fine.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Nothing wrong with a grudge match. Edge blames Shawn for him not winning the World Title and has taken out some aggression on him. They get started fast with Shawn clotheslining him to the floor and skinning the cat so the vest can come off. Back in and the announcers argue over whether or not Shawn is a champion hog. Edge gets in a swinging neckbreaker and the fans are all over him early on.

A Thesz press and right hands let Shawn throw him over the top for a nice mini moment. Shawn’s baseball slide misses though and it’s the Edge-O-Matic on the floor to knock him silly. Back in again and the fans stay behind Shawn as they’re certainly loyal. Edge gets two off a sitout powerbomb so it’s off to a rear naked choke. Well a chinlock with a bodyscissors because it’s Edge but close enough.

It’s switched to a regular chinlock and a slam, allowing Edge to strike Shawn’s pose. Shawn is annoyed but walking into a big boot makes it even worse. A clothesline takes Shawn down again as he can’t get anything going here. Another chinlock is broken up in a hurry and Shawn scores with a knee lift and some atomic drops. Ten right hands in the corner set up the catapult for two but Shawn has to stop Edge from walking out. It’s either a ruse or bad timing though as Edge gets in the spear on the floor.

Shawn beats the count back in and Edge….dances? That’s certainly a new one. What isn’t a new one is the spear (complete with tuning up the band, though JR insists that Edge has no band), which only gets two. A superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the big elbow. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop (nice counter) and the Edgecator goes on. Shawn makes the long and slow crawl to the rope (Lawler: “He was going to tap and the rope happened to be there!”) but Edge grabs a rollup and a rope for the cheating pin.

Rating: B. It’s a nice mixture of action and storytelling here as the match was good and edge cheated to win, which is what makes perfect sense for him. Edge hit everything he had on Shawn to try and win clean and then went with the cheating to put him away. That’s exactly what Edge would do because he’s so obsessed with getting a win so well done on the opener.

Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long argue over which brand will win the Rumble. With that out of the way, we get Torrie Wilson and Christy Hemme to stand there while wrestlers come in to draw their numbers. Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero come in first with Flair dancing and having the girls blow on his ball (make your own jokes). Flair is thrilled with his number so Eddie hugs him without drawing his own number. For the sake of convenience, Flair checks his number again and finds a bad one. The chase is on.

Heidenreich is freaking out over caskets when Gene Snitsky comes in. They like each other and Snitsky has an idea. The tone of voices sound like…..never mind.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Heidenreich is the latest monster and Undertaker has beaten him a few times but since WWE can’t just let him go, we get a casket match. As luck would have it, Heidenreich is terrified of caskets so he’s been running around in panic for weeks now. What a great way to present a monster.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Casket match of course with druids bringing the casket out. Undertaker grabs a headlock and starts dragging Heidenreich towards the casket so at least he’s going smart early on. An armdrag into an armbar has Heidenreich close to the casket again as you can see a lot of empty seats popping up. Undertaker switches to the leg with a half crab so Heidenreich crawls to the rope, which is in front of the casket. No one ever accused him of making sense.

They head outside with Undertaker going face first into the casket as Heidenreich still isn’t coming off as interesting. Back in and Heidenreich hammers away in the corner while shouting that this is his world. Undertaker seems to disagree by grabbing a triangle choke on the top rope. Cue the taped up Snitsky to make the save and the double teaming is on. The casket is opened and Kane wakes up from his nap to pop out and make the second save.

Kane and Snitsky fight into the crowd as Heidenreich kicks the casket up the aisle. Undertaker goes knees first into the steps and it’s time to peel back the mats so we can get more violent. Heidenreich crushes him with the casket and it’s a cobra clutch to knock Undertaker out. Undertaker goes into the casket but keeps an arm out so the comeback can start.

The apron legdrop onto the casket onto Heidenreich gets the fans back into things but Undertaker walks into the swinging Boss Man Slam. Heidenreich covers due to general numbskulledness and Undertaker makes another comeback, this time with a bad looking running DDT. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish Heidenreich.

Rating: D. It’s not good, but this could have been a lot worse. Heidenreich got in some offense and didn’t feel as much like a chore to watch this time around, but this feud was done a month ago. The Kane and Snitsky stuff was pretty early on so the match was almost divided in half with a short piece in the middle. Somehow, we’ll call this better than expected, though that’s not the highest expectation.

Long demands Eddie give Flair’s number back and Evolution comes in to make it happen. Eddie gives it back and almost gets away with Flair’s wallet. With Eddie gone, HHH wants to talk to Batista about the Randy Orton match but Batista wants to go get his number first. HHH says NOW and Flair has to intervene.

Long comes back in to see Bischoff as Christian and Tyson Tomko are ready to draw their numbers. Christian and Tomko say they both signed a petition to get rid of Long and then draw. As Christian is happy, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena to Bischoff: “Loved you in Boogie Nights.” Christian wants a battle rap of all things and tells Tomko to give him a beat. Tomko: “No.” Christian manages to rhyme Transylvania with Wrestlemania but Cena goes with the gay jokes to win the audience’s approval.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending. Angle chills on the floor to start and JBL actually starts swinging at Show. That’s quite courageous of him. Stupid as it works as well as you would expect, but courageous. Show catches him with a slam out of the corner and the legdrop gets two with Angle making a fast save. That’s fine with Show, who is right back up and knocks the two of them outside.

JBL gets posted and the power of the big hips knock Angle away as it’s all Show in the early going. Show sets up the steps next to the announcers’ and I don’t see this ending well. The super chokeslam is loaded up but Angle hits him low, setting up a monitor shot to knock Show through the table. Angle and JBL get back in with Angle grabbing an armbar, which feels a little out of place a giant just fell off the steps and through a table.

Some German suplexes fit the bill a bit better but the Angle Slam is escaped. JBL’s big boot gets two but Show is back in with a double clothesline. Show starts throwing the two of them around and another double clothesline connects for good measure. A double chokeslam is broken up though and it’s a Clothesline From JBL/chop block from Angle to put the giant down again. Angle is smart enough to hit a quick German suplex to drop the champ, followed by an Angle Slam to Show for no cover as Angle’s back is hurt.

Show is back up with a chokeslam for two, followed by a tackle to put JBL through the barricade. That leaves Angle in the ring with a chair but a charge lets Show flapjack him onto it. Cue Jindrak and Reigns to go after Show as the Cabinet is here to put JBL on a stretcher. Show fights the two of them up the aisle, leaving Jordan to throw JBL back inside. The Clothesline From JBL puts Angle down to retain the title.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and that’s not a surprise whatsoever after what has been a really good story. These three had an odd chemistry together and the match was a lot better than it probably should have been. If nothing else it was nice to not have the goons get involved until the end, and even then it was just for a distraction. JBL’s title reign continues to be far better than he’s given credit for with a match that was actually a lot of fun to watch.

Carlito tries to get Batista to sign his petition but a threat of violence gets rid of that. Batista goes in to draw his number as Bischoff and Long argue over World Title matches. Long says there is going to be a bunch of interference so Bischoff bans Evolution from ringside. Batista wants to tell HHH himself and seems very happy.

Wrestlemania XXI trailer featuring Eugene as Forrest Gump. I loved these things and most of them were rather clever.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton. HHH won the World Title back inside the Elimination Chamber, including pinning Orton. It took Batista’s help though so Orton beat Batista in a #1 contenders match to earn the shot. Orton is a complete lame duck challenger as the fans have moved on to Batista and everyone but Orton seems to know it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending and Evolution is barred from ringside. Orton slaps him in the face to get things going and a backslide gets an early two. A rather high backdrop looks to set up a very early RKO so HHH bails to the floor, allowing Orton to take him down out there instead. Back in and Orton grabs Snake Eyes but the RKO is countered with a toss over the top and what could have been a scary looking landing.

A ram into the steps makes it worse for Orton and the RANDY SUCKS chants are just downright mean. HHH goes after the knee, which was attacked on Raw and not brought up until now. We go to the Ric Flair knee work package, including the Figure Four. The hold stays on for over a minute until HHH slaps him in the face, causing Orton to turn it over, albeit right into the ropes.

They head outside again with HHH being thrown over the announcers’ table, which isn’t exactly a big deal this time. Instead Orton takes him back inside for the backbreaker and the assorted punches in the corner. The high crossbody gets two but HHH gets in a knee. The Pedigree is countered so HHH hits the jumping knee to the face for two. Another Pedigree attempt doesn’t work so Orton blasts him with a clothesline. Orton slugs away in the corner but a grab of the rope blocks a DDT.

That’s enough to send Orton outside and the referee threatens to stop the match because Orton looks out of it. Instead Orton gets back in but HHH crashes into both of them for the ref bump. The sledgehammer is brought out but Orton trips him face first into the post. Orton can’t follow up though and it’s a hard clothesline to take him down again. The Pedigree retains the title in a finish that sums up Orton’s entire face run.

Rating: C-. That ending was terrible as Orton never even got in the big hope spot. Instead it was Orton getting knocked silly, not being able to do anything but keep himself from getting hit by the sledgehammer and then falling to the Pedigree anyway. These two seem incapable of having a really good match together and that was the case again here. As mentioned, Orton had no chance so it’s far from some miscarriage of justice, but it was disappointing.

Kurt Angle steals Nunzio’s Rumble spot under the threat of violence.

The drunken Cabinet comes in to Long/Bischoff’s office. Long isn’t happy and makes JBL vs. Big Show in a barbed wire cage match for No Way Out. That’s quite the escalation and JBL sobers up in a hurry.

Royal Rumble

Since this is the main event, here’s your trivia for the night: this is the first pay per view since the Wrestling Classic (and therefore the second ever to this point) to not have a tag team match. In case you were worried about a slow start, Eddie Guerrero is in at #1 and Chris Benoit is in at #2 with ninety second intervals. Eddie starts on the floor before coming in for the feeling out process, which doesn’t get anyone anywhere. They start striking it out and Daniel Puder is in at #3. He gets in but goes straight back to the floor to grab a mic, saying everyone here is about to witness history.

Puder gets inside and it’s time for Benoit and Eddie to chop the heck out of him, which might be Benoit’s specialty. Some suplexes make it even worse and it’s Hardcore Holly in at #4. Benoit and Eddie are willing to stand back and let Holly chop him as the point is becoming clear in a hurry. Holly hangs him over the rope for the kick to the gut and there’s an Alabama Slam.

Hurricane is in at #5 as Puder is tossed. This was WWE’s way of punishing/initiating Puder for being successful in Tough Enough, because WWE feels the need to torment people for getting over. Puder would never wrestle on the main roster again and I’d be surprised if he had a major appearance. Eddie throws Holly out during Hurricane’s entrance and Hurricane is thrown out a few seconds later, just as Kenzo Suzuki is in at #6. Eddie and Benoit double team him as well but Benoit throws Eddie to the apron in a smart move.

Edge is in at #7 and this should make things more interesting. Chops and right hands abound until Benoit knocks Edge back a bit. Rey Mysterio is in at #8 and as soon as we get rid of Suzuki, a heck of a tag match could break out (with any combination of teams). Rey’s headscissors gets rid of Suzuki but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Eddie to put everyone down. Shelton Benjamin is in at #9 and goes after Rey, who snaps off a headscissors.

Booker T. is in at #10, giving us Booker, Eddie, Benoit, Benjamin, Edge and Mysterio (get one or two more and you have a month’s worth of quality stuff). Rey can’t headscissor Shelton out but here’s Bischoff to watch. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on Eddie, which Rey breaks up with a springboard dropkick. Just in case we don’t have enough awesome talent in the ring, Chris Jericho is in at #11. Jericho goes after Edge with right hands and a belly to back suplex before switching over to Eddie in the corner.

That means a lot more punching and not very close eliminations by the ropes until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #15. Hang on though as Hassan and Daivari jump him in the aisle and Scotty can’t get in. Oh well. If we can drop every man for himself, we can drop 30 to 29. The beatdown takes long enough that it’s Charlie Haas in at #16. Booker kicks him in the face though and then tosses Reigns and Jordan in a row. He stops for a Spinarooni though and that’s enough for Eddie to get the elimination.

The eliminations slow for a bit as Rene Dupree is in at #17. Haas and Benjamin get back together for the jump over onto Rene’s back. Shelton misses a Stinger Splash though and Edge gets the elimination. Simon Dean is in at #18 but before he gets in, we need some Hindu squats. The distraction lets Edge get rid of Eddie and Dean finally gets in…..so Shawn Michaels, in at #19, can superkick him out. Things slow down a bit until Shawn dumps Haas.

Kurt Angle is in at #20 and it’s suplexes a go-go until Shawn superkicks him out. To recap, we now have Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Jericho, Dupree and Michaels. Coach is in at #21 and immediately starts grabbing the rope to save himself. Mark Jindrak is in at #22 but Angle gets back in and throws Shawn out, followed by a step shot to the head for some blood. Angle is finally dragged off and it’s Viscera in at #23.

Rey saves himself from elimination so Viscera slams him in the middle. With nothing else going on, Paul London is in at #24, nearly sliding all the way outside as he comes in. Dupree slams him down and we get the French Tickler. Jericho is smart enough to use the delay to toss Dupree (Tazz: “His tickler just got Frenched!”.). No one can get rid of Viscera so here’s John Cena in at #25 to pick things way up.

Cena backdrops Viscera out on his own because WWE knows how to make someone look like a star in the Rumble. Gene Snitsky, who can run pretty well when he’s all taped up, is in at #26 to shoulder people down. Snitsky sends London to the apron and BLASTS him with a clothesline, sending London inside out for a highlight reel elimination. That gives us the Cena vs. Snitsky showdown with Snitsky hitting the big boot.

Kane is in at #27 and it’s chokeslams all around, with the one armed version to Mysterio looking great. Jindrak is out but Snitsky saves Coach of all people. The pumphandle slam drops Kane but none of that matters because Batista is in at #28 to bring the fans back to full strength (everyone knows it’s coming now and they’re fully on board the Batista train). Snitsky is out first and it’s time for the Kane showdown, with the full on BATISTA chants as background noise.

The Batista Bomb plants Kane and Batista throws Jericho out. Christian is in at #29 and gets beaten down by Cena as Rey hits the 619 on Kane. That’s enough for the FU to get rid of Kane (because Cena is smart enough to use a move like that next to the ropes). Rey and Cena set up an alliance and it’s Ric Flair in at #30, giving us a final field of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batista, Christian and Flair. That’s quite the talent pool. Flair is smart enough to feed Coach into the spinebuster from Batista for the elimination and the same concept gets rid of Christian.

Benoit chops Flair in the corner but takes the big spinebuster as well. That’s it for Benoit but Flair makes the mistake of trying to toss Batista as well. Edge and Mysterio are smart enough to dropkick Batista at the same time with Edge getting rid of Flair (makes sense). That leaves us with Edge, Mysterio, Batista and Cena. Edge hits the spear on Batista and Cena but gets caught by the 619. Rey tries one too many runs off the ropes though and gets sent to the apron for a spear to the floor. Cena and Batista toss Edge and we’re down to the only two people who ever had a shot to win this thing in the first place.

Neither can hit their finisher and the fall out to the floor in the unplanned finish. With the referees split, cue Vince McMahon, who made the mistake of trying to get up from the Gorilla Position in a hurry after three hours. He tries to slide in under the bottom rope and there goes his quad (must be a family trait).

Vince tries to get up and just goes down, so the referees plead their cases as Vince sits down next to the bottom rope. With all of the confusion, they take turns throwing each one over the top (Batista threw Cena first, which makes sense. Cena throwing Batista out after and thinking that would count is just kind of dumb.). Vince says restart the match (and then goes to the back, where he put too much weight on his good leg and tore that quad as well), but for some reason Eddie and Benoit are nowhere to be seen. Batista throws Cena out in about ten seconds to officially win.

Rating: B+. If they could have nailed the ending, this is an all time classic. As it is, it’s just shy of great and that’s a pretty awesome place to be. Cena and Batista were all that mattered here and that was where they went for the ending, but the stuff before that was more than very good as well. They stacked the first half with talent and then had the very well done Angle vs. Shawn segment, which sets up a major match at Wrestlemania. By the time they were done, Cena showed up to bridge things to the ending. All in all, it’s a second tier Rumble at worst and just makes the end of the all time best list at best.

Overall Rating: A-. The Rumble is such a unique show as the one match can carry the rest of the card either up or down. In this case that’s very helpful as the four undercard matches nearly cancel each other out, with a pair of good ones, the bad casket match and the not very good Raw World Title match. What matters here though is they didn’t play any games with the ending and went with their strongest options at the finish. It was the right play and the only thing they could have done. Batista and Cena’s rockets are being attached to their backs and that’s what they have to do. Very good show and bordering on classic.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2004 (2018 Redo): Brain Over Brawn

Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big night and one of the most important shows of the year as we officially start the Road to Wrestlemania. The Royal Rumble is more wide open than in recent years and that’s often the best thing that can happen for the match. Other than that we have a pair of World Title matches, with Raw’s likely being too long and Smackdown’s needing to move on before the company makes itself look worse. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how life’s road is unpredictable and how one turn can change everything. As you might guess, the Last Man Standing match gets the most time and the Rumble itself is mentioned last.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Ric Flair/Batista

Flair and Batista are defending and it’s a tables match with Coach on commentary. Before the match, Batista gets in a quick jab at the Dudleys for being the biggest losers since the Philadelphia Eagles. They fight on the floor to start with Batista clotheslining the post by mistake to put the champs in early trouble. In a painful looking impact, Bubba slides a table from one side of the ring to the other, hitting Batista in the ribs to keep him in trouble.

A neckbreaker slows Batista down and D-Von takes him to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Flair has Bubba in the corner on a table (that’s so wrong for Flair) but Bubba is right back with the Flip Flop and Fly (that’s more Flair’s speed) Batista comes back in for the save though as I’m glad they’re not wasting time with tags here.

The belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination puts Batista down as Evolution can’t get much going here. Flair goes up, and in a shocking change of events, Flair gets slammed down. It’s time for the table but cue Coach, with his bad ribs, for the save. That earns him a What’s Up attempt but Flair makes a save of his own. Batista is back in with a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table for the win.

Rating: D-. Just a Raw match designed to get these guys on the show, though I can appreciate them putting the tables match on first and hopefully we don’t get a bunch of chants about wanting tables. Other than that, I see nothing positive about this entire thing. Batista and Flair are fine as champions, but it’s not like they have anyone important to feud against at this point.

Flair says they’ll keep the titles as long as they want.

John Cena raps about how he’s going to win but Rob Van Dam comes in to steal the last rhyme, saying he’ll win the Rumble. Cena makes weed jokes and says Van Dam can suck his candy cane.

There’s an empty chair for Mick Foley, should he bother to show up.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending and Jamie has the still blind Nidia with him. A 619 attempt in the first ten seconds is countered into a hot shot as Jamie takes over. Cole says that Nidia, who is blind, is looking on as Jamie hiptosses Rey down, earning one heck of a tongue lashing from Tazz. Rey gets in a dropkick and a hurricanrana, followed by the sitout bulldog for two. The tiger driver is broken up and Nidia trips Jamie by mistake, setting up the 619. Rey Drops the Dime to retain in short order.

Rating: D. Well don’t bother wasting time I guess. This was barely three minutes long and they didn’t have time to do anything. Nidia’s interference was the most important part of the match and that took all of two seconds. These two are talented but they need more time than a run of the mill women’s match from this era to get anywhere.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. They were a successful team but Eddie got way more popular, sending Chavo into a jealous rage when the team stopped doing as well. Chavo went nuts, blaming Eddie for all of their problems and bringing in his father to turn it into more of a family affair, even as Kurt Angle tried to play peacekeeper. This is one of the few stories that is going to work every single time and both of them have sold it exceptionally well, turning it into the best thing going on in WWE at the moment.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo has his father with him. They fight over a hard lockup to start until Chavo slaps the taste out of Eddie’s mouth. A fired up Eddie shoves him into the corner but can’t bring himself to follow up because his heart is broken. He’s willing to take Chavo down into a chinlock but Chavo is right back up for a chop in the corner. Eddie chops him back and gives the first smile of the match. Some shoulders put Eddie down and Chavo is very pleased with his early success.

That just earns him a poke to the eye as the stalling continues. Eddie takes him down again but Chavo pops up in short order and hooks a hurricanrana to put them both on the floor. With Chavo back inside, his dad sends Eddie face first into the steps (Tazz: “I guess he doesn’t like his little brother.”) to give Chavo the first real advantage. Back in and Eddie grabs a cross armbreaker but can’t get it all the way on. Chavo scores with a belly to back suplex but the tornado DDT is broken up. Eddie rolls the suplexes and drops the frog splash for the win.

Rating: C. It was good while it lasted but it should have lasted about twice as long. This was a big time story on Smackdown and it ended in a match that was about half as long as the Smackdown main event. I’m assuming they’re setting Eddie up for something bigger down the line and they needed to get this out of the way, but this deserved more time.

Post match Eddie gets fired up for the first time and beats up both Chavos. Sr. gets tied to the bottom rope by the tie while Jr. gets stomped in the corner, busting him open in the process. They did a good job here with Eddie wanting to hold in his emotions during the match but being pushed too far after and finally erupting.

Chris Benoit is ready to go in at #1 when Evolution comes in with their champagne to celebrate. Flair says Benoit is the best technical wrestler alive and all man but the brass ring always slips out of his hand. It’s all about Evolution holding all of the gold so Benoit is always going to be second best.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Brock Lesnar defending against Hardcore Holly. Lesnar broke Holly’s neck back in 2002 and since we must go with real life instead of something, you know, interesting, we’ve been stuck watching Lesnar run from Holly for the last month. This is possibly the most ice cold title match in history as Holly is little more than a former comedy guy with a bad attitude who is ranting about wanting to break Lesnar’s neck. Lesnar can beat up Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, but Hardcore Holly suddenly scares him? That’s what we’re going with here?

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Lesnar is defending and Holly jumps him before the bell. The champ gets posted twice in a row and the bell rings with Holly on the apron, only to miss a top rope clothesline. Lesnar scores with a suplex as the referee is getting in the way more than usual here. A ram into the apron gives Lesnar two and it’s off to a waistlock on the mat. What would eventually be called a Shell Shock gives Lesnar two as this is a complete squash so far.

It’s back to the waistlock as you can hear the limited interest the fans had seeping out of the arena. A bearhug sets up a suplex and it’s right back to a head and arm choke. Holly fights up with some kicks to the ribs and clotheslines, followed by the Alabama Slam….for no cover as it’s off to that stupid full nelson. The hold stays on even as they fall to the floor so Holly tries it again with Lesnar on the apron. That earns him a neck snap across the top and the F5 retains the title.

Rating: F. Oh give me a break. Lesnar was never in danger here and in the six and a half minutes they had, at least half of it was Lesnar keeping him on the mat in a hold. Holly’s finisher, while fine for beating a midcarder here and there, is nowhere near enough to be a real threat to Lesnar. Thank goodness they didn’t tease a bunch of near falls and just got out of there, because this was a bad idea from the beginning.

We’re not even 52 minutes into the show and we’ve covered four matches, including three title matches. That’s a ridiculous pace, even for a Royal Rumble.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH, which they’re billing as seven years in the making. So we’re counting all of the four and a half years Shawn was on the shelf and the months long feud they had in 2002? They’ve traded wins and the title until Shawn got a pin on the last show of 2003, albeit with his own shoulders on the mat. Therefore it’s a Last Man Standing match tonight, which somehow ties into everything else they’ve ever done, including the most recent match, which is barely discussed.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

HHH is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. They fight over a lockup to start until Shawn gets the better of a chop off. It’s time for a mat sequence with Shawn loading up a backslide, only to let it go when he realizes what kind of match they’re having. One heck of a whip into the corner starts n on Shawn’s back, which is still a target six years after it was originally hurt.

Shawn is right back up with a Figure Four but HHH turns it over for the break. That’s enough of the wrestling so it’s time to head outside with HHH loading up the announcers’ table. A suplex through the table is broken up and Shawn ax handles him in the head. Back in and a backdrop puts HHH on the floor again but Shawn’s springboard spinning crossbody only hits table in a big crash.

Shawn is busted open (of course he is) and we get a replay, showing that Shawn would have cleared HHH by two feet even if HHH had stood in place. Back in again and the very bloody Shawn won’t stay down, instead telling HHH to bring it on. Right hands get a seven and a spinebuster gives HHH eight more. It’s chair time and a hard shot to the back gets nine this time. The Pedigree on the chair is countered into a slingshot into the corner, followed by Shawn’s own chair shot to the face.

Back up and the forearm into the nip up have the bloody HHH in trouble. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. Back up and Shawn grabs a sleeper, which lasts as long as a sleeper is going to in a match like this. HHH’s DDT gets eight so he loads up a belly to back superplex, which is countered into a spinning crossbody for a double knockdown. The Pedigree gets nine and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, good for a double knockout and a draw.

Rating: C-. Well of course we need to see these two fight again. You wouldn’t expect HHH and Shawn Michaels to wrap up their feud in just two matches right? This wasn’t very good with just an exchange of moves and nothing that went anywhere, though the blade jobs were both quite nasty looking. I’m sure we’ll see these two again, but these two will likely be fighting in their retirement home.

The fans are NOT pleased with the draw and I can’t say I blame them. HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Shawn insists on walking.

Video on the Royal Rumble, which really just shows the names involved. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Goldberg is in at #30.

The Fink is ready to start the introductions but here’s Eric Bischoff to promise that Raw will win the match. He runs down Paul Heyman’s abilities to run shows in Bingo halls, in a line that has to have been repeated a thousand times now. Ignore that WCW officially went out of business before ECW (on an extreme technicality but it was still officially in business after WCW was purchased). Heyman tackles Bischoff but here’s Steve Austin on the ATV to say they’re both in violation of the law. Stunners abound and beer is consumed. I’m so glad they spent five minutes on this when four matches got less than twenty two minutes combined.

Goldberg is asked about being #30 in the Royal Rumble when Brock comes in to wonder where his interview is. Brock asks where Goldberg’s title is but Goldberg says it’s coming back at Wrestlemania. Goldberg suggests Brock is a coward.

Foley still isn’t here.

Royal Rumble

JR and Tazz are on commentary, thankfully giving us a standard booth instead of the usual mess that these things have become. Tazz even has keys to victory: hide, stamina, get a high number. I’ve heard worse analysis so I’ll take what I can get. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2 and we have ninety second intervals. Benoit gets aggressive to start (ignoring key to victory #2) and scores with a suplex but gets uppercutted into the corner.

Mark Henry is in at #3 and shoves Benoit down so he can choke Orton in the corner. The clock seems to get a little faster as Tajiri is in at #4 and gets suplexed down for his efforts. Henry throws Orton ribs first onto the top rope and everyone pounds away as Bradshaw is in at #5. Clotheslines abound until Benoit pulls him into the Crossface and gets him out in less than a minute. Well at least they’re keeping the ring at a manageable number. Rhyno is in at #6 and goes after Orton and Benoit as Tajiri kicks away at Henry.

Tajiri can’t get the Tarantula so Rhyno Gores Henry, eliminating Tajiri in the process. Benoit dumps Henry and we’re already down to three. They fight by the ropes and it’s Matt Hardy in at #7. There’s a Side Effect to Rhyno but Benoit knocks Matt to the apron. Matt gets back in and everyone pummels everyone until Scott Steiner is in at #8. Benoit rolls some German suplexes on Steiner as JR gives us the good stat of there being no former Rumble winners in this match.

Matt Morgan is in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up. A helicopter bomb plants Benoit and there’s a big boot to Hardy. It’s back to the exchange of forearms around the ring with no one going for an elimination until Hurricane is in at #10. Before I can recap who is in the match, Morgan tosses Hurricane in short order, leaving us with Benoit, Orton, Rhyno, Hardy, Steiner and Morgan. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron but not out as Steiner lays on Orton in the middle of the ring.

Booker T. is in at #11 to a nice reaction but also to a really annoying song. An ax kick has Orton in trouble and Steiner is thrown out off camera (in his last match with the company) as Kane is in at #12. Benoit and Morgan both get chokeslams and the Gore and RKO are both blocked. Kane starts beating on Matt in the corner…..and a gong strikes at #13. As expected, Kane freaks out and the distraction lets Booker throw him out. It’s actually Spike Dudley in at #13 so Kane beats him up in the aisle, both for the gong and for Spike upsetting Kane on Monday. Things settle down and it’s Rikishi in at #14.

Benoit dumps Rhyno and Orton gets a Stinkface as the fans aren’t exactly interested, probably due to the gong taking some of their interest away. They’re certainly not burning up the pace for eliminations here but that’s not the worst thing in the world. Rene Dupree is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point. He dropkicks Hardy out but turns into a superkick from Rikishi to get eliminated as well.

A-Tran is in at #16 and goes after Rikishi as Benoit ducks Morgan’s charge to get rid of him. Orton dumps out Rikishi and Booker in the span of a few seconds, leaving us with Benoit, Orton and A-Train. Benoit eliminates A-Train as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. Benjamin slugs away as JR completely missed A-Train’s elimination. How do you not notice the 6’8 350lb bald guy being gone? Orton dumps Shelton and we’re down to two again. To be fair, other than Kane and maybe Booker, none of the other entrants are worth anything so far. Lamont runs out to introduce Ernest Miller at #18 and Tazz loves the song.

Benoit tosses Lamont and Orton does the same to Miller so these two can keep slugging it out. Kurt Angle is in at #19 and now things can pick up a bit. Benoit and Angle go at it (of course) while Orton is smart enough to just chill in the corner. Angle has Benoit in trouble on the ropes but Orton makes a rather questionable save. Rico is in at #20 and goes after Orton, who dropkicks him almost immediately. A kick to the head rocks Orton though, leaving Benoit to roll some German suplexes on Angle. Orton dumps Rico with ease and it’s Test…..not in at #21.

We cut to the back where Test is unconscious. Austin sees who did it and makes that person #21 instead. In the arena, MICK FOLEY is #21 and Orton knows he’s about to die. Foley slugs him down in the corner, throws up a BANG BANG and hits the running knee in the corner. The Cactus Clothesline gives us a double elimination and it’s down to Benoit vs. Angle. Foley isn’t done with Orton and sends him into the steps as Christian is in at #22.

Orton gets in a few wicked chair shots to Foley and punches him down before slamming Foley’s head into the ramp. Some right hands get Foley out of trouble and it’s Mr. Socko but Foley has to give it to Nunzio, who comes in at #23. The distraction lets Orton get in a low blow and run off after a great angle that makes me want to see these two have a heck of a fight. Back in the ring, Christian can’t get rid of Angle or Benoit so Angle suplexes Benoit instead. Benoit is the only one standing as Big Show is in at #24.

Show starts fast with the overhand chops and throws some Canadians around until Chris Jericho is in at #25 to a very nice reaction. Jericho and Christian stomp on Angle in the corner until Show makes a save with a double noggin knocker. How old school of him. Everyone goes after Show so he shrugs them off and Charlie Haas is in at #26. Christian tries to turn on Jericho but gets dumped out instead, which just fits for Christian for some reason. Billy Gunn returns at #27 and hits some Fameassers but can’t get rid of anyone.

John Cena is in at #28 to a very nice reaction and you can feel the star power growing every night. Cena catches Nunzio sitting on the floor and throws him inside as the ring is starting to get too full. For some reason Nunzio goes after Show, earning himself that hard shot to the back. Rob Van Dam is in at #29 and can’t get rid of Show either. Cena gives Angle an FU and here’s Goldberg in at #30 to complete the field. I’m not going to bother saying who all is in there because we’re about to lose a bunch of them.

Goldberg wrecks everyone and tosses Haas, Gunn and Nunzio (after an insane spear). That leaves us with Benoit, Angle, Show, Jericho, Cena, Van Dam and Goldberg for a heck of a final group. Goldberg loads up the Jackhammer on Show but here’s Lesnar to jump him from behind, allowing Angle to dump Goldberg, who is busy seething at Lesnar. Show shrugs off the masses again but Angle chop blocks him, which isn’t the brightest idea. That means a Lionsault, a Five Star, a Shuffle and a Swan Dive but Show is unconscious on the mat. Real smart guys.

Show fights up and dumps Cena, who lands VERY awkwardly on his knee. Van Dam is gone too and we’re down to Jericho, Big Show, Angle and Benoit. Jericho goes after Show’s knee and bulldogs Show now, which has done so well against him already. The Walls make Show tap but Jericho lets him go. That’s not the brightest move in the world and Show makes him pay with a chokeslam over the top for an elimination. A regular chokeslam drops Benoit so Angle gets the Angle Slam on Show.

Benoit gets one as well and now it’s the ankle lock to make Show tap again. Show gets up and muscles Angle out as well, leaving us with two. With Show hanging over the top rope, Benoit hits the Swan Dive to the back of his head, accidentally bringing Show back in. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface to make Show tap for the third time.

A side slam gets Show out of trouble as we hear about Benoit getting close to Ric Flair’s longevity record. Show loads up a gorilla press but Benoit pulls him down into a guillotine, even as Show puts him on the apron. Benoit pulls him down and slides back inside as Show goes out, giving Benoit the big win.

Rating: A. It’s one of the best Rumbles ever, mainly due to Benoit. There was some great storytelling near the end, with Jericho and Angle both making Show tap but then making some kind of a mistake to get eliminated while Benoit was smart/determined enough to make it work in the end. The same thing happens when the big groups try to get Show out and Benoit does it on his own, showing how technique and determination are better than brute strength. It kept you wondering if Benoit could finally win the big one and that’s what they managed to pull off in a great story throughout the whole match.

Other than that, they did a great job of not letting the ring get too full save for near the end, which Goldberg took care of in short order. Pacing is often such a problem in these things and it’s very nice to see them get it right. They had a big angle with Foley and Orton too, giving it something besides the winner to go off of from here. Finally, there were multiple possible winners, which always makes for a better match than having one or two people be the only ones who could win. Great Rumble, and one of the best of all time.

JR loses it praising Benoit, who smiles (a rare thing for him) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The Rumble is always a unique show as it’s the only one where one match can really save the whole thing, as the main event is often at least a third of the show. The problem is the rest of the show was so bad due to the matches either being rushed or being HHH vs. Shawn in their annual attempt at an epic match that it’s hard to call this good overall. Really though, the Rumble itself is more than enough to carry it, but on any other card of the year this would have been a disaster.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/23/royal-rumble-count-up-2004-he-who-must-not-be-named/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2004-they-couldnt-wait-any-longer/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2003 (2017 Redo): Was I In A Bad Mood Last Time?

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Nathan Jones vignette.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Royal Rumble

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – January 24, 2025: The Show To Get Ready For The Shows

Smackdown
Date: January 24, 2025
Location: Moody Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Joe Tessitore, Wade Barrett

We’re coming up on both Saturday Night’s Main Event and the Royal Rumble and that means it is time to hammer home the final pieces of the card. That is going to make for an interesting situation, along with various other issues around here. One of the biggest is the future of Solo Sikoa, who was at a loss for words last week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Joe Tessitore welcomes us to the show and brings in Cody Rhodes for a chat. Tessitore brings up Rhodes having to hand over his title tomorrow night to get ready for the ladder match at the Royal Rumble. Rhodes is ready for the whole thing and knows Shawn Michaels is ready to be a perfect moderator. He’s fine with handing the title over to Michaels but it’s time to get ready for Wrestlemania season.

Tessitore brings up Rhodes’ issues with Owens, who Rhodes praises for his skill. The violence makes the ladder match all the more appropriate because it’s all about climbing the ladder and reaching this championship. As for what Rhodes would like to say to Owens before the match, maybe it’s true that Rhodes smiles a lot, but it doesn’t mean that he can’t take it to another level. He is the son of a plumber and the student of Randy Orton so he is ready to punch Owens in the face and knock him onto the island of self righteousness. Good luck at the Rumble. Simple, to the point promo from Rhodes here.

Pretty Deadly comes up to DIY but they don’t have time for Pretty Deadly’s match. DIY tells them to handle the Motor City Machine Guns tonight and do whatever it takes. With DIY gone, Pretty Deadly runs into Legado del Fantasma for a fairly tense staredown.

Motor City Machine Guns vs. Pretty Deadly

Sabin armdrags Prince to start and it’s off to Shelley for stereo kicks to the head. Wilson comes in and gets caught with a double flapjack but Prince’s distraction lets Sabin get knocked outside. A posting has Sabin down as we take a break. Back with Sabin fighting back and managing to dive over for the needed tag to Shelley. Everything breaks down and Sabin hits a nice dive. Back in and a gutbuster puts Shelley down and an assisted middle rope bulldog gets two on Sabin. Spilled Mile is broken up though and Skull & Bones finishes Wilson at 9:54.

Rating: B-. Pretty Deadly is mainly known for their goofiness but they can hang in there with a good team. In this case they were in there with a great team and that made for a nice enough match. The Guns are on their way to a showdown for the titles and giving them some momentum like this is a good idea.

The Miz is officially on Smackdown but didn’t seem to know about it. He isn’t happy because he’s on the same show with the Wyatts, so Nick Aldis advises making some new friends.

Video on Braun Strowman vs. Jacob Fatu.

Kevin Owens invades commentary and wants to know where his interview is. Joe Tessitore is so annoying that he makes Owens miss Michael Cole! Owens gets on the announcers’ table and gets in an argument with Matthew McConnaghey before being interrupted by Jimmy Uso. Owens isn’t pleased but Uso says Owens talks too much and hits him in the face. Owens bails in a hurry, with Uso issuing a challenge for tonight.

Carmelo Hayes is mad at Nick Aldis because he was supposed to face Jimmy Uso. Aldis moves the match to next week but lets Hayes have a match with the newest Smackdown acquisition. That’s fine with Hayes, but he wants to meet the opponent before they go to the ring.

Chelsea Green/Piper Niven vs. B-Fab/Michin

Michin strikes away at Niven to start before pulling Green in. The Unprettier is broken up but Michin misses a charge into the corner. Michin fights back rather quickly and brings in B-Fab to clean house. Niven runs B-Fab over but a blind tag brings in Michin for Eat Defeat to pin Green at 3:25.

Rating: C. This was purely there for the sake of Michin getting to pin Green, likely setting up another title match between them. I like that better than having the two of them just put into another match after Green has beaten her twice, but this next one needs to be the last match. Green is rather good at what she does, though she needs a fresh opponent.

Carmelo Hayes meets his opponent tonight: Damian Priest. Hayes is aghast and the match is on for tonight.

Charlotte is back in the Royal Rumble. Well that was pretty obvious.

Here is Tiffany Stratton for a chat. She isn’t worried about the winner of the Royal Rumble because she’ll beat anyone…and here is Rhea Ripley to interrupt. Ripley is ready to face anyone because she’s going to beat Nia Jax. Cue Jax and Candice LeRae, with Jax officially entering the Royal Rumble.

Yes she’s going to win the title from Ripley tomorrow, but she’s winning the Rumble too. Cue Naomi and Bianca Belair to interrupt and they’re both in the Rumble. Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez interrupt as well and Morgan is in as well. She kind of suggests that Rodriguez will be in but Ripley headbutts Morgan before we get an official announcement.

Bianca Belair/Naomi/Rhea Ripley vs. Nia Jax/Liv Morgan/Candice LeRae

Ripley and Jax start things off…and we’ll make that LeRae before anything happens. Everything breaks down and Naomi is tossed into a moonsault onto Jax for a nice spot. A standing moonsault/legdrop combination gets two on Morgan and Belair hammers away in the corner. Jax comes in off a blind tag though and runs Belair over but it’s way too early for the Annihilator.

We take a break and come back with Naomi in trouble as LeRae drags her back into the corner. Naomi tries to get away but Morgan is smart enough to break up the tag attempt, as you occasionally see. The diving tag brings in Ripley anyway and it’s time to pick the pace way up. Everything breaks down and Jax blocks the Riptide attempt. LeRae Codebreakers Ripley to the floor but gets caught with the KOD, only for Morgan to roll Belair up for the pin at 12:14.

Rating: C+. Perfectly fine match here with the villains stealing the win after a fairly wild finish. You don’t get that kind of thing often enough around here and it made for a fun match. Morgan stealing the pin is par for the course for her, even if it means nothing in the context of getting ready for the Royal Rumble.

Chelsea Green is upset at the loss and it’s made worse when Michin comes in, announcing that she has one more title shot next week. Niven says they need a bigger security detail. That sounds ominous.

Johnny Gargano vs. Apollo Crews

Tommaso Ciampa is here with Gargano. Crews muscles him up for a suplex to start and snaps off a dropkick to send Gargano outside. A moonsault to the floor drops Gargano, who is back up with a superkick to rock Crews for the first time. Crews is right back up with the gorilla press drop into the standing moonsault for two, only for Gargano to get in a pretty close to low blow. A missed charge sends Crews outside so Ciampa can get in a running knee but cue the Motor City Machine Guns. That’s enough of a distraction for Crews to grab a rollup pin at 4:14.

Rating: C. That was a nice little surprise result and I’ll take Crews actually getting a win for a change. Gargano and Ciampa were starting to do their cheating again but they lost because their numbers advantage went away. Good enough match here, though it was more about setting up the Tag Team Title match.

Jacob Fatu is ready for Braun Strowman because he’s King Kong and Godzilla, plus all gas and no brakes. Then Tama Tonga makes a weird sound.

Tama Tonga vs. LA Knight

Jacob Fatu is here with Tonga. Before the match, Knight promises various levels of beatings to both of them. Knight slugs away to start and grabs a powerslam before taking the fight outside. A clothesline puts Tonga over the barricade but he walks said barricade for a clothesline. Back in and a slingshot shoulder gives Knight two and they’re already on the floor again. Knight gets sent into the steps and we take a break.

Back with Tonga grabbing a dragon screw legwhip but Knight neckbreakers his way to a breather. That’s cut off as well so Knight has to fight out of a nerve hold, setting up a jumping neckbreaker. Tonga hits the jumping neckbreaker for two but Knight knocks him off the top. The jumping top rope elbow connects and the BFT finishes Tonga at 12:06.

Rating: B-. Knight needed a win like this one as he’s been kind of floundering since losing the US Title. Getting a clean win over someone who is in a big time stable is a good sign and I could go for Knight moving closer to the main event scene. I’m not sure if that is what he’s going to do, but Knight as the second or third biggest good guy on Smackdown has potential.

Post match Fatu jumps Knight and drives him onto the announcers’ table. Cue Braun Strowman and Tonga has to hold Fatu back. That doesn’t work so well so Tonga tries a distraction, only to have Fatu miss a charge. Strowman clears the ring and stands tall.

Miz tries to get on A-Town Down Under’s good side…but finds out that they have been sent to Raw.

Shinsuke Nakamura warns anyone against coming after the US Title and then enters the Royal Rumble.

Damian Priest vs. Carmelo Hayes

Hayes tries to strike away to start but gets caught with an Old School crossbody for two. They head outside with Hayes kicking away at the leg and we take an early break. Back with Hayes knocking him outside again and a high crossbody gets two. Hayes grabs an armbar before chopping away, which just wakes Priest up.

The Broken Arrow sets up the lifting Downward Spiral for two and Hayes is ready to walk. That’s broken up but Hayes is back with the First 48 for two. Barrett: “That First 48 usually beats most opponents.” No Wade, it doesn’t. Priest has had it with this and hits a rebound clothesline into South Of Heaven for the win at 10:48.

Rating: C+. This was a nice back and forth match as Hayes is becoming the guy whose job is to make everyone else look good. He’s solid enough in that role, but I could go for him doing more. That being said, this was all about Priest, who comes in and gets an impressive enough win through straight power and dominance, which worked well.

The Motor City Machine Guns are getting a 2/3 falls match against DIY for the Tag Team Titles at the Royal Rumble and DIY isn’t happy.

Cody Rhodes welcomes Damian Priest to Smackdown and Priest says he’ll see Rhodes soon.

Saturday Night’s Main Event rundown.

Miz says Andrade needs someone to guide him. Andrade likes that idea and goes off to find someone.

Jimmy Uso is ready to beat Carmelo Hayes next week.

Jimmy Uso vs. Kevin Owens

Hold on though as Hayes jumps Uso during the entrance but Uso is fine enough. Owens wears a Naomi shirt because he knows how to do some awesome yet simple things. The bell rings and Owens drops to the floor to yell at Tessitore, so Uso has to bring him back inside. That means Owens grabs a headlock into a backsplash to take over early before driving some shoulders in the corner. Uso fights out of said corner but it’s too early for the Umaga Attack.

Some rams into the apron have Owens in trouble but he’s right back with a knockdown off the apron. A frog splash off the apron hits Uso and we take a break. Back with Owens working on the arm but taking to long going up top, allowing Uso to…well get his arm snapped across the top. The Swanton hits raised knees though and now the running Umaga Attack connects.

The Samoan drop gets two and a superkick gets the same as they’re slowing down. Uso drops him again and goes up, only to miss the Superfly Splash. Another superkick gives Uso another two though and the spear connects. Uso goes up again but gets his arm snapped across the top, setting up the pop up powerbomb to give Owens the pin at 13:45.

Rating: B-. Nice main event here with Owens beating enough of a name opponent, though I’m not overly interested in seeing Uso vs. Hayes next week when they both lost here. That’s not the most logical move and it’s not like Hayes’ attack meant much. Owens needed the win on the way to the Rumble title match, though it was a bit of a weird way to get there.

Post match the package piledriver is loaded up but Cody Rhodes runs in for the save. Owens is beaten down as the fight continues to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The shows are getting better about stretching the three hours but the show still feel long. Maybe it’s being so used to two hours of Smackdown for so long but these shows still don’t feel quite right. Other than that, they had a show that was designed to set up the next two big shows, which makes things a bit tricky. With the Rumble in about a week, very little feels important because everything changes there. For now though, nice enough show which set some things up, but I’m looking forward to these shows dropping back to two hours.

Results
Motor City Machine Guns b. Pretty Deadly – Skull & Bones to Wilson
B-Fab/Michin b. Chelsea Green/Piper Niven – Eat Defeat to Green
Liv Morgan/Nia Jax/Candice LeRae b. Rhea Ripley/Naomi/Bianca Belair – Rollup to Belair
Apollo Crews b. Johnny Gargano – Rollup
LA Knight b. Tama Tonga – BFT
Damian Priest b. Carmelo Hayes – South Of Heaven
Kevin Owens b. Jimmy Uso – Pop up powerbomb

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