Royal Rumble 2004
Date: January 25, 2004
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,289
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big night and one of the most important shows of the year as we officially start the Road to Wrestlemania. The Royal Rumble is more wide open than in recent years and that’s often the best thing that can happen for the match. Other than that we have a pair of World Title matches, with Raw’s likely being too long and Smackdown’s needing to move on before the company makes itself look worse. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how life’s road is unpredictable and how one turn can change everything. As you might guess, the Last Man Standing match gets the most time and the Rumble itself is mentioned last.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Ric Flair/Batista

Flair and Batista are defending and it’s a tables match with Coach on commentary. Before the match, Batista gets in a quick jab at the Dudleys for being the biggest losers since the Philadelphia Eagles. They fight on the floor to start with Batista clotheslining the post by mistake to put the champs in early trouble. In a painful looking impact, Bubba slides a table from one side of the ring to the other, hitting Batista in the ribs to keep him in trouble.

A neckbreaker slows Batista down and D-Von takes him to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Flair has Bubba in the corner on a table (that’s so wrong for Flair) but Bubba is right back with the Flip Flop and Fly (that’s more Flair’s speed) Batista comes back in for the save though as I’m glad they’re not wasting time with tags here.

The belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination puts Batista down as Evolution can’t get much going here. Flair goes up, and in a shocking change of events, Flair gets slammed down. It’s time for the table but cue Coach, with his bad ribs, for the save. That earns him a What’s Up attempt but Flair makes a save of his own. Batista is back in with a spinebuster to put D-Von through a table for the win.

Rating: D-. Just a Raw match designed to get these guys on the show, though I can appreciate them putting the tables match on first and hopefully we don’t get a bunch of chants about wanting tables. Other than that, I see nothing positive about this entire thing. Batista and Flair are fine as champions, but it’s not like they have anyone important to feud against at this point.

Flair says they’ll keep the titles as long as they want.

John Cena raps about how he’s going to win but Rob Van Dam comes in to steal the last rhyme, saying he’ll win the Rumble. Cena makes weed jokes and says Van Dam can suck his candy cane.

There’s an empty chair for Mick Foley, should he bother to show up.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

Rey is defending and Jamie has the still blind Nidia with him. A 619 attempt in the first ten seconds is countered into a hot shot as Jamie takes over. Cole says that Nidia, who is blind, is looking on as Jamie hiptosses Rey down, earning one heck of a tongue lashing from Tazz. Rey gets in a dropkick and a hurricanrana, followed by the sitout bulldog for two. The tiger driver is broken up and Nidia trips Jamie by mistake, setting up the 619. Rey Drops the Dime to retain in short order.

Rating: D. Well don’t bother wasting time I guess. This was barely three minutes long and they didn’t have time to do anything. Nidia’s interference was the most important part of the match and that took all of two seconds. These two are talented but they need more time than a run of the mill women’s match from this era to get anywhere.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. They were a successful team but Eddie got way more popular, sending Chavo into a jealous rage when the team stopped doing as well. Chavo went nuts, blaming Eddie for all of their problems and bringing in his father to turn it into more of a family affair, even as Kurt Angle tried to play peacekeeper. This is one of the few stories that is going to work every single time and both of them have sold it exceptionally well, turning it into the best thing going on in WWE at the moment.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo has his father with him. They fight over a hard lockup to start until Chavo slaps the taste out of Eddie’s mouth. A fired up Eddie shoves him into the corner but can’t bring himself to follow up because his heart is broken. He’s willing to take Chavo down into a chinlock but Chavo is right back up for a chop in the corner. Eddie chops him back and gives the first smile of the match. Some shoulders put Eddie down and Chavo is very pleased with his early success.

That just earns him a poke to the eye as the stalling continues. Eddie takes him down again but Chavo pops up in short order and hooks a hurricanrana to put them both on the floor. With Chavo back inside, his dad sends Eddie face first into the steps (Tazz: “I guess he doesn’t like his little brother.”) to give Chavo the first real advantage. Back in and Eddie grabs a cross armbreaker but can’t get it all the way on. Chavo scores with a belly to back suplex but the tornado DDT is broken up. Eddie rolls the suplexes and drops the frog splash for the win.

Rating: C. It was good while it lasted but it should have lasted about twice as long. This was a big time story on Smackdown and it ended in a match that was about half as long as the Smackdown main event. I’m assuming they’re setting Eddie up for something bigger down the line and they needed to get this out of the way, but this deserved more time.

Post match Eddie gets fired up for the first time and beats up both Chavos. Sr. gets tied to the bottom rope by the tie while Jr. gets stomped in the corner, busting him open in the process. They did a good job here with Eddie wanting to hold in his emotions during the match but being pushed too far after and finally erupting.

Chris Benoit is ready to go in at #1 when Evolution comes in with their champagne to celebrate. Flair says Benoit is the best technical wrestler alive and all man but the brass ring always slips out of his hand. It’s all about Evolution holding all of the gold so Benoit is always going to be second best.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match with Brock Lesnar defending against Hardcore Holly. Lesnar broke Holly’s neck back in 2002 and since we must go with real life instead of something, you know, interesting, we’ve been stuck watching Lesnar run from Holly for the last month. This is possibly the most ice cold title match in history as Holly is little more than a former comedy guy with a bad attitude who is ranting about wanting to break Lesnar’s neck. Lesnar can beat up Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, but Hardcore Holly suddenly scares him? That’s what we’re going with here?

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Lesnar is defending and Holly jumps him before the bell. The champ gets posted twice in a row and the bell rings with Holly on the apron, only to miss a top rope clothesline. Lesnar scores with a suplex as the referee is getting in the way more than usual here. A ram into the apron gives Lesnar two and it’s off to a waistlock on the mat. What would eventually be called a Shell Shock gives Lesnar two as this is a complete squash so far.

It’s back to the waistlock as you can hear the limited interest the fans had seeping out of the arena. A bearhug sets up a suplex and it’s right back to a head and arm choke. Holly fights up with some kicks to the ribs and clotheslines, followed by the Alabama Slam….for no cover as it’s off to that stupid full nelson. The hold stays on even as they fall to the floor so Holly tries it again with Lesnar on the apron. That earns him a neck snap across the top and the F5 retains the title.

Rating: F. Oh give me a break. Lesnar was never in danger here and in the six and a half minutes they had, at least half of it was Lesnar keeping him on the mat in a hold. Holly’s finisher, while fine for beating a midcarder here and there, is nowhere near enough to be a real threat to Lesnar. Thank goodness they didn’t tease a bunch of near falls and just got out of there, because this was a bad idea from the beginning.

We’re not even 52 minutes into the show and we’ve covered four matches, including three title matches. That’s a ridiculous pace, even for a Royal Rumble.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH, which they’re billing as seven years in the making. So we’re counting all of the four and a half years Shawn was on the shelf and the months long feud they had in 2002? They’ve traded wins and the title until Shawn got a pin on the last show of 2003, albeit with his own shoulders on the mat. Therefore it’s a Last Man Standing match tonight, which somehow ties into everything else they’ve ever done, including the most recent match, which is barely discussed.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

HHH is defending and it’s Last Man Standing. They fight over a lockup to start until Shawn gets the better of a chop off. It’s time for a mat sequence with Shawn loading up a backslide, only to let it go when he realizes what kind of match they’re having. One heck of a whip into the corner starts n on Shawn’s back, which is still a target six years after it was originally hurt.

Shawn is right back up with a Figure Four but HHH turns it over for the break. That’s enough of the wrestling so it’s time to head outside with HHH loading up the announcers’ table. A suplex through the table is broken up and Shawn ax handles him in the head. Back in and a backdrop puts HHH on the floor again but Shawn’s springboard spinning crossbody only hits table in a big crash.

Shawn is busted open (of course he is) and we get a replay, showing that Shawn would have cleared HHH by two feet even if HHH had stood in place. Back in again and the very bloody Shawn won’t stay down, instead telling HHH to bring it on. Right hands get a seven and a spinebuster gives HHH eight more. It’s chair time and a hard shot to the back gets nine this time. The Pedigree on the chair is countered into a slingshot into the corner, followed by Shawn’s own chair shot to the face.

Back up and the forearm into the nip up have the bloody HHH in trouble. The top rope elbow looks to set up Sweet Chin Music but HHH cuts him off with a low blow. Back up and Shawn grabs a sleeper, which lasts as long as a sleeper is going to in a match like this. HHH’s DDT gets eight so he loads up a belly to back superplex, which is countered into a spinning crossbody for a double knockdown. The Pedigree gets nine and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, good for a double knockout and a draw.

Rating: C-. Well of course we need to see these two fight again. You wouldn’t expect HHH and Shawn Michaels to wrap up their feud in just two matches right? This wasn’t very good with just an exchange of moves and nothing that went anywhere, though the blade jobs were both quite nasty looking. I’m sure we’ll see these two again, but these two will likely be fighting in their retirement home.

The fans are NOT pleased with the draw and I can’t say I blame them. HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Shawn insists on walking.

Video on the Royal Rumble, which really just shows the names involved. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Goldberg is in at #30.

The Fink is ready to start the introductions but here’s Eric Bischoff to promise that Raw will win the match. He runs down Paul Heyman’s abilities to run shows in Bingo halls, in a line that has to have been repeated a thousand times now. Ignore that WCW officially went out of business before ECW (on an extreme technicality but it was still officially in business after WCW was purchased). Heyman tackles Bischoff but here’s Steve Austin on the ATV to say they’re both in violation of the law. Stunners abound and beer is consumed. I’m so glad they spent five minutes on this when four matches got less than twenty two minutes combined.

Goldberg is asked about being #30 in the Royal Rumble when Brock comes in to wonder where his interview is. Brock asks where Goldberg’s title is but Goldberg says it’s coming back at Wrestlemania. Goldberg suggests Brock is a coward.

Foley still isn’t here.

Royal Rumble

JR and Tazz are on commentary, thankfully giving us a standard booth instead of the usual mess that these things have become. Tazz even has keys to victory: hide, stamina, get a high number. I’ve heard worse analysis so I’ll take what I can get. Chris Benoit is in at #1 and Randy Orton is in at #2 and we have ninety second intervals. Benoit gets aggressive to start (ignoring key to victory #2) and scores with a suplex but gets uppercutted into the corner.

Mark Henry is in at #3 and shoves Benoit down so he can choke Orton in the corner. The clock seems to get a little faster as Tajiri is in at #4 and gets suplexed down for his efforts. Henry throws Orton ribs first onto the top rope and everyone pounds away as Bradshaw is in at #5. Clotheslines abound until Benoit pulls him into the Crossface and gets him out in less than a minute. Well at least they’re keeping the ring at a manageable number. Rhyno is in at #6 and goes after Orton and Benoit as Tajiri kicks away at Henry.

Tajiri can’t get the Tarantula so Rhyno Gores Henry, eliminating Tajiri in the process. Benoit dumps Henry and we’re already down to three. They fight by the ropes and it’s Matt Hardy in at #7. There’s a Side Effect to Rhyno but Benoit knocks Matt to the apron. Matt gets back in and everyone pummels everyone until Scott Steiner is in at #8. Benoit rolls some German suplexes on Steiner as JR gives us the good stat of there being no former Rumble winners in this match.

Matt Morgan is in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up. A helicopter bomb plants Benoit and there’s a big boot to Hardy. It’s back to the exchange of forearms around the ring with no one going for an elimination until Hurricane is in at #10. Before I can recap who is in the match, Morgan tosses Hurricane in short order, leaving us with Benoit, Orton, Rhyno, Hardy, Steiner and Morgan. Morgan throws Hardy to the apron but not out as Steiner lays on Orton in the middle of the ring.

Booker T. is in at #11 to a nice reaction but also to a really annoying song. An ax kick has Orton in trouble and Steiner is thrown out off camera (in his last match with the company) as Kane is in at #12. Benoit and Morgan both get chokeslams and the Gore and RKO are both blocked. Kane starts beating on Matt in the corner…..and a gong strikes at #13. As expected, Kane freaks out and the distraction lets Booker throw him out. It’s actually Spike Dudley in at #13 so Kane beats him up in the aisle, both for the gong and for Spike upsetting Kane on Monday. Things settle down and it’s Rikishi in at #14.

Benoit dumps Rhyno and Orton gets a Stinkface as the fans aren’t exactly interested, probably due to the gong taking some of their interest away. They’re certainly not burning up the pace for eliminations here but that’s not the worst thing in the world. Rene Dupree is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point. He dropkicks Hardy out but turns into a superkick from Rikishi to get eliminated as well.

A-Tran is in at #16 and goes after Rikishi as Benoit ducks Morgan’s charge to get rid of him. Orton dumps out Rikishi and Booker in the span of a few seconds, leaving us with Benoit, Orton and A-Train. Benoit eliminates A-Train as Shelton Benjamin is in at #17. Benjamin slugs away as JR completely missed A-Train’s elimination. How do you not notice the 6’8 350lb bald guy being gone? Orton dumps Shelton and we’re down to two again. To be fair, other than Kane and maybe Booker, none of the other entrants are worth anything so far. Lamont runs out to introduce Ernest Miller at #18 and Tazz loves the song.

Benoit tosses Lamont and Orton does the same to Miller so these two can keep slugging it out. Kurt Angle is in at #19 and now things can pick up a bit. Benoit and Angle go at it (of course) while Orton is smart enough to just chill in the corner. Angle has Benoit in trouble on the ropes but Orton makes a rather questionable save. Rico is in at #20 and goes after Orton, who dropkicks him almost immediately. A kick to the head rocks Orton though, leaving Benoit to roll some German suplexes on Angle. Orton dumps Rico with ease and it’s Test…..not in at #21.

We cut to the back where Test is unconscious. Austin sees who did it and makes that person #21 instead. In the arena, MICK FOLEY is #21 and Orton knows he’s about to die. Foley slugs him down in the corner, throws up a BANG BANG and hits the running knee in the corner. The Cactus Clothesline gives us a double elimination and it’s down to Benoit vs. Angle. Foley isn’t done with Orton and sends him into the steps as Christian is in at #22.

Orton gets in a few wicked chair shots to Foley and punches him down before slamming Foley’s head into the ramp. Some right hands get Foley out of trouble and it’s Mr. Socko but Foley has to give it to Nunzio, who comes in at #23. The distraction lets Orton get in a low blow and run off after a great angle that makes me want to see these two have a heck of a fight. Back in the ring, Christian can’t get rid of Angle or Benoit so Angle suplexes Benoit instead. Benoit is the only one standing as Big Show is in at #24.

Show starts fast with the overhand chops and throws some Canadians around until Chris Jericho is in at #25 to a very nice reaction. Jericho and Christian stomp on Angle in the corner until Show makes a save with a double noggin knocker. How old school of him. Everyone goes after Show so he shrugs them off and Charlie Haas is in at #26. Christian tries to turn on Jericho but gets dumped out instead, which just fits for Christian for some reason. Billy Gunn returns at #27 and hits some Fameassers but can’t get rid of anyone.

John Cena is in at #28 to a very nice reaction and you can feel the star power growing every night. Cena catches Nunzio sitting on the floor and throws him inside as the ring is starting to get too full. For some reason Nunzio goes after Show, earning himself that hard shot to the back. Rob Van Dam is in at #29 and can’t get rid of Show either. Cena gives Angle an FU and here’s Goldberg in at #30 to complete the field. I’m not going to bother saying who all is in there because we’re about to lose a bunch of them.

Goldberg wrecks everyone and tosses Haas, Gunn and Nunzio (after an insane spear). That leaves us with Benoit, Angle, Show, Jericho, Cena, Van Dam and Goldberg for a heck of a final group. Goldberg loads up the Jackhammer on Show but here’s Lesnar to jump him from behind, allowing Angle to dump Goldberg, who is busy seething at Lesnar. Show shrugs off the masses again but Angle chop blocks him, which isn’t the brightest idea. That means a Lionsault, a Five Star, a Shuffle and a Swan Dive but Show is unconscious on the mat. Real smart guys.

Show fights up and dumps Cena, who lands VERY awkwardly on his knee. Van Dam is gone too and we’re down to Jericho, Big Show, Angle and Benoit. Jericho goes after Show’s knee and bulldogs Show now, which has done so well against him already. The Walls make Show tap but Jericho lets him go. That’s not the brightest move in the world and Show makes him pay with a chokeslam over the top for an elimination. A regular chokeslam drops Benoit so Angle gets the Angle Slam on Show.

Benoit gets one as well and now it’s the ankle lock to make Show tap again. Show gets up and muscles Angle out as well, leaving us with two. With Show hanging over the top rope, Benoit hits the Swan Dive to the back of his head, accidentally bringing Show back in. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface to make Show tap for the third time.

A side slam gets Show out of trouble as we hear about Benoit getting close to Ric Flair’s longevity record. Show loads up a gorilla press but Benoit pulls him down into a guillotine, even as Show puts him on the apron. Benoit pulls him down and slides back inside as Show goes out, giving Benoit the big win.

Rating: A. It’s one of the best Rumbles ever, mainly due to Benoit. There was some great storytelling near the end, with Jericho and Angle both making Show tap but then making some kind of a mistake to get eliminated while Benoit was smart/determined enough to make it work in the end. The same thing happens when the big groups try to get Show out and Benoit does it on his own, showing how technique and determination are better than brute strength. It kept you wondering if Benoit could finally win the big one and that’s what they managed to pull off in a great story throughout the whole match.

Other than that, they did a great job of not letting the ring get too full save for near the end, which Goldberg took care of in short order. Pacing is often such a problem in these things and it’s very nice to see them get it right. They had a big angle with Foley and Orton too, giving it something besides the winner to go off of from here. Finally, there were multiple possible winners, which always makes for a better match than having one or two people be the only ones who could win. Great Rumble, and one of the best of all time.

JR loses it praising Benoit, who smiles (a rare thing for him) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The Rumble is always a unique show as it’s the only one where one match can really save the whole thing, as the main event is often at least a third of the show. The problem is the rest of the show was so bad due to the matches either being rushed or being HHH vs. Shawn in their annual attempt at an epic match that it’s hard to call this good overall. Really though, the Rumble itself is more than enough to carry it, but on any other card of the year this would have been a disaster.

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Now we get to some big ones.

Surprise Of The Year

5. NXT Concedes Wednesday Night Wars
4. The Ending Of All Out
3. Bron Breakker Is Good
2. Hook Is Good

1. CM Punk Returns

This is the one that got me. Punk had been away from wrestling for seven and a half years, which might as well be an eternity in the business. You just do not see wrestlers leaving for this long and then coming back but Punk returned and with a bang. AEW let you know it was coming, but until the guitar riff hit in the United Center, I wasn’t completely sure it was going to happen. Granted if it hadn’t, the building was going to go up in smoke, but they did what they needed to do and it was incredible, to put it mildly. And now I want some ice cream.

Match Of The Year

5. Finn Balor vs. Pete Dunne – Takeover: Vengeance
4. Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan – Smackdown, April 30
3. Thunder Rosa vs. Britt Baker – St. Patrick’s Day Slam
2. Kenny Omega vs. Bryan Danielson – AEW Grand Slam

1. Ilja Dragunov vs. Walter – Takeover 36

The original match between these two were one of the best things I have seen in wrestling in a long time and that was the case again here. These two beat the living daylights out of each other and it was everything I was hoping it would be. It was a physical struggle and felt like only one of them was going to be able to survive. Walter’s incredible United Kingdom Title reign finally ends, and my goodness what a way to wrap it up.

Promo Of The Year

5. Chris Jericho Might Be Saying Goodbye – Dynamite, August 25
4. Edge vs. Miz – Raw – November 29
3. CM Punk vs. Eddie Kingston – Rampage – November 5
2. CM Punk’s Return Speech – Rampage – August 20

1. CM Punk vs. MJF – Dynamite – November 24

In what was the year of Punk in the world of promos, this one topped everything else. I know the First Dance has the emotion, but this was the night where they took the gloves off and went at it. These guys were throwing bombs at each other, such as MJF being a less Famous Miz and MJF calling Punk out for always having an excuse for not being the big star. This is the one that had me taking in every word and I don’t know if it is being topped for a long time.

Most Improved Of The Year

5. Tay Conti
4. W. Morrissey
3. Bobby Lashley
2. Britt Baker

1. Josh Alexander

I know Baker is the easy one here, but Alexander has a case not just for most improved but also the best wrestler of the year. Alexander was THE guy in Impact as the company got bigger and bigger. It was awesome watching him climb the ladder and I wanted to see what he could do when he finally got his chance in the main event. Then he won the World Title in the main event of the biggest show of the year, which he had certainly earned. This was an easy one for me and you should watch more of Alexander’s stuff.

Wrestler Of The Year

5. Roman Reigns
4. Serena Deeb
3. Josh Alexander
2. Jonathan Gresham

1. Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson

I don’t think this is much of a surprise, as Danielson is about as complete of a worker as you will find in the world today. The guy can do just about anything asked of him and that never seems to change. His AEW run will get the most praise, but don’t forget his first four months of the year where he had at least two classics, including the main event of Wrestlemania. Danielson is rapidly reaching that all time elite of the elite level and he was easily the best of the year.

Moment Of The Year

5. Hangman Page/Dark Order’s Entrance For Ten Man Tag
4. Becky Lynch Returns
3. John Cena Returns
2. The Fans Are Back

1. CM Punk Returns

This is one of those moments that AEW built up to perfection by more or less guaranteeing that Punk would be at First Dance. Then the show started and here he was, with the music, the pose, the dive into the crowd and everything else. They turned this into an event and I don’t think there is anything that AEW has done that tops this so far. Then there was the ice cream deal to make it even better. I loved this way more than I would have expected and it was as close to perfect as it could have been.

Rampage
Date: January 14, 2022
Location: PNC Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina
Commentators: Chris Jericho, Excalibur, Ricky Starks, Taz

We are still in Horsemen Country and that means we should be in for another pretty good night. Rampage has found its groove in recent weeks and now it is time for a Tag Team Title match, as the Dark Order gets the first shot against Jurassic Express. Adam Cole is here too so let’s get to it.

Here is Dynamite if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Adam Cole vs. Trent Beretta

The Best Friends and all of Adam Cole’s friends are here. They trade chops to start until Beretta tosses him down with a suplex. Back up and Beretta is sent to the floor and then into the barricade to put him in trouble for a change. They go inside again with Cole hitting his own suplex before Beretta is tossed right back to the floor. The Panama Sunrise is countered into a backdrop so Cole sends him into the barricade.

We take a break and come back with Beretta fighting out of a chinlock. A tornado DDT plants Cole and Beretta drops him down again for two each. There’s a German suplex to rock Cole again but he’s right back with a brainbuster onto the knee. Beretta doesn’t seem to mind as he comes back with a piledriver onto the apron.

That doesn’t seem to bother Cole either as he’s back with the Panama Sunrise maybe fifteen seconds later. Another Panama Sunrise is countered into a Saito suplex and a hard clothesline from Beretta. Cole still can’t hit the Panama Sunrise as Beretta reverses into Strong Zero for two. Everyone gets in a fight on the floor, allowing Cole to hit him low. The Boom finishes Beretta at 11:33.

Rating: C+. It’s how you would have expected the match to go but those kickouts and popping up from big moves is about as ridiculous as you can get. Being dropped on your head on the apron is something that should have you down for a few minutes, but here it isn’t even enough time to roll your eyes at how fast someone is getting up. I would say cut that out already, though I think we’re long past the point of that being a realistic possibility.

Thunder Rosa and Mercedes Martinez are ready to hurt each other.

Andrew Everett vs. Shawn Spears

Everett gets sent into the corner but he does a handstand on the corner to escape. Back in and the C4 finishes Everett at 57 seconds. That’s how I like my Spears matches.

Post match Shawn Spears asks if he (meaning CM Punk) is ready the best in the world. Spears doesn’t realize he has crossed a line until he is already over it and all it takes is one swing of his chair. Punk is going to be in the ring with a twenty year veteran and Spears is going to expose him.

We get an Acclaimed music video on Sting and Darby Allin, who the Acclaimed certainly don’t seem to like. They seem to think it’s weird that an old man is friends with a younger man, with references to Sting taking a buckle bomb and Sting having a bat for reasons of compensation.

Leyla Hirsch/Red Velvet/Kris Stadtlander vs. The Bunny/Penelope Ford/Nyla Rose

They’re already in the ring when we come back from the Acclaimed video and it’s Hirsch being sent into the corner for some choking. Rose hits a belly to belly suplex but lets Hirsch get over for the tag to Stadtlander. Bunny comes in and gets taken down with a front facelock, followed by a powerslam for two. An assisted moonsault gives Hirsch two on Bunny so Velvet tags herself in, where Rose runs her over.

We take a break and come back with Rose hitting a chokeslam for two on Velvet, causing Vickie Guerrero to scream at ringside. Rose misses a backsplash though and the hot tag brings in Stadtlander to run Ford over. A sitout gordbuster gives Stadtlander two and the Spider Crab goes on, only to have Guerrero offer a distraction. Bunny kicks Stadtlander in the face for the save but gets caught in a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Stadtlander and Hirsch collide though, allowing Bunny to roll Hirsch up for the pin at 9:13.

Rating: C. This was a bit of a rushed match as they felt like they were packing in a lot of people without much time. Hirsch seems to be teasing a heel turn sooner rather than later and her style could play towards that rather well. The rest of the match was just an exchange of moves, though Stadtlander continues to look like a monster.

Scorpio Sky wants to know why he isn’t getting a TNT Title shot when he is the face of TNT.

Ricky Starks rants about Jay Lethal messing with Team Taz business so here is Lethal to interrupt. Lethal has been watching Starks for a few months now and doesn’t remember him wrestling very much. The challenge is thrown out for an FTW Title match, but Lethal knows Starks has to check with Taz. So whatever Daddy says, do the opposite. Referees have to break it up as Taz goes on a rant about how he doesn’t care what Lethal did in Ring of Honor.

We get the face to face main event interview. The Dark Order bust out some kazoos to play a song about joining them but Christian Cage doesn’t find it funny. Imagine what Jurassic Express is going to do to them tonight. Mark Henry hits his catchphrase, with John Silver mouthing along with him.

Tag Team Titles: Jurassic Express vs. Dark Order

Jurassic Express, with Christian Cage, is defending. Reynolds works on Jungle Boys’ arm to start and armdrags him down. Jungle Boy pops back up with a dropkick and brings in Luchasaurus for a chop. It’s already back to Jungle Boy so Silver gets to come in and toss him around. Silver sends him outside for a big dive and we take a break.

Back with Jungle Boy slipping out of an electric chair and hitting a German suplex on Silver. They all go up top and Luchasaurus comes back in for the Tower of Doom. Luchasaurus is sent outside as well, leaving Dark Order to hit a bunch of shots to Jungle Boy, setting up a German suplex into a jackknife cover for two. A rebound lariat drops Reynolds for two but it’s Luchasaurus coming back in for the Extinction Level Event to finish Reynolds and retain at 12:43.

Rating: B-. It’s good to get the Express their first win, though they had to work rather hard to beat two guys who aren’t exactly known for success in big matches. What matters here though is the champs get a first defense under their new belts and they had to break a sweat in doing so. Good match for a Rampage main event.

Overall Rating: C+. They had another good week, but they really could go for finding a way to slow things down a bit. As usual, this show felt really rushed, with stuff like the fast commercials and coming back from one segment with the bell for the next match ringing almost immediately. It feels like I’m trying to catch my breath too often around here and that isn’t exactly how a show should be making you feel. What they’re doing overall is good, as was the case here, but some tweaking could make it even better.

Results
Adam Cole b. Trent Beretta – Boom
Shawn Spears b. Andrew Everett – C4
The Bunny/Penelope Ford/Nyla Rose b. Leyla Hirsch/Kris Stadtlander/Red Velvet – Rollup to Hirsch
Jurassic Express b. Dark Order – Extinction Level Event to Reynolds

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Smackdown
Date: January 14, 2022
Location: CHI Health Center, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We are just over two weeks away from the royal Rumble and the big match on this side is Roman Reigns defending the Universal Title against Raw’s Seth Rollins. That is likely going to mean Brock Lesnar will be getting involved and I’m curious to see where that is going to go. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar arguing over Paul Heyman, leading to Reigns dropping Lesnar with a Superman Punch. Then Seth Rollins was announced as the opponent in a bit of a weird pick.

Here are the Usos for a chat. They talk about how the only team to ever give them a real fight is the New Day, but they beat them again last week. Instead of helping Roman Reigns against Seth Rollins, we need to have a four way to consider the #1 contendership. Jimmy even handles the entrances, with a special/not so serious voice.

Los Lotharios vs. Viking Raiders vs. Cesaro/Mansoor vs. Jinder Mahal/Shanky

One fall to a finish and the Usos throw in some brief instructions, including remember that they’re the ones. The Usos fire off some superkicks but get sent to the floor so the brawl can be on. We take a break before the bell and come back joined in progress with Humberto diving into an atomic drop from Mansoor.

Cesaro comes in but Erik tags himself in to kick away at Shanky. Mansoor and Cesaro head outside for some reason but come back up to see Jinder beating on Erik in the corner. Erik fights over and brings in Ivar, who is driven into Shanky’s face in the corner. Ivar gets caught on top though and Cesaro/Mahal (weird combination) load up a double superplex. That takes too long though and Erik makes it a Tower of Doom as we take a break.

Back with Cesaro getting the hot tag to clean house, including hammering away on Humberto. Ivar tags himself back in so Cesaro takes him down for the start of a swing. Mahal breaks that up with a Khallas and it’s time for the parade of people hitting each other. Erik gets double superkicked and Los Lotharios dive onto Cesaro and Mansoor. Back in and Ivar cleans house, setting up the Viking Experience to finish Angel at 9:31.

Rating: C+. They kept this one fast enough and had everyone getting in there as fast as they could. The Raiders are the only team on Smackdown that feels like they could be a threat to the Usos so this was the best way they could have gone. If nothing else, it is almost interesting to see who they randomly throw Cesaro with on a given week, as the nothing teams just keep coming.

Post match the Usos get on the announcers’ table and shout at the Raiders, who can’t raid Samoa.

Naomi comes in to see Sonya Deville and wants to know why Deville is holding her back. Deville says when the jacket is on, she is Naomi’s boss and she doesn’t like Naomi’s attitude. Now Naomi needs to get out of here before she loses her Royal Rumble match. This is every interaction these two have had for months now. Naomi leaves so Adam Pearce comes in to talk about how cold Sonya has the temperature in here. Oh I have a bad feeling about where this is going.

We look at some of the history between Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns, mainly looking at the original Shield run.

Here is Sami Zayn to talk about how the conspiracy against him is finally going to end, but now there is a new cast member in the conspiracy: Johnny Knoxville. We see Knoxville throwing him over the top last week, with Sami saying he is going to show the world that no one can is better at being a jackass than him. After realizing that might not be the best wording, it’s time for the debut of his own stunt show: InZayn!

There is a wooden ramp set up but Sami runs to the back, only to come out in a shopping cart with two guys pushing him. He is going to use that ramp to jump the ring….but it does look kind of far. It’s so far that he changes his mind at the last second. Zayn gets in the ring but here is Rick Boogs for a distraction. Shinsuke Nakamura comes in for Kinshasa and Boogs gorilla pressed Zayn over the top and onto the crash pad.

Aliyah is ready for her singles debut and hopes she doesn’t embarrass herself. Natalya comes in to say there is no shame in embarrassing yourself against her because she has three Guinness World Records. Natalya even has the book, which Aliyah didn’t know was still a thing. The glare sends Aliyah to the ring.

Aliyah vs. Natalya

After Aliyah makes her entrance, Natalya is still in the back to talk about her records: most matches by a woman in WWE history, most pay per view matches in WWE history and most wins by a woman in WWE history. Tonight, she is going to set the record for fastest win in WWE history, breaking the mark of 3.8 seconds. Natalya stomps her down in the corner and unloads before the bell. The referee says she can’t do this but Aliyah says she can….but there is no match anyway. Actually scratch that as the bell rings and Aliyah rolls her up for the pin at 3 seconds. Why yes, that is a new WWE record for a fastest pin at 3.1 seconds.

Adam Pearce and Sonya Deville think it is getting hot in their office but the thermostat seems to be broken.

More Reigns vs. Rollins history, this time looking at Rollins turning on the Shield.

Michael Cole brings out Lita (looking rather orange) for the first time on Smackdown in nearly 20 years. Lita is glad to be home and is proud of her career. She never got to be in the Royal Rumble in her day though and now she is going to win the match and headline Wrestlemania. Cue Charlotte to interrupt, saying she will handle this interview. Charlotte says this run that Lita is on will be over, with the Wrestlemania dreams being over.

Lita has heard about Charlotte and doesn’t get the flashback Friday Tonya Harding thing. She doesn’t get how Charlotte doesn’t tip over with that giant head. The fans chant GIANT HEAD but Charlotte says she can’t hear it. Charlotte talks about beating Trish Stratus at Summerslam 2019, sending her back into retirement. Maybe Charlotte can do that to Lita too, which causes things to get physical. Lita leaves her laying with a Twist of Fate.

We look at Ricochet breaking Ridge Holland’s nose at Day One.

Sheamus is ready to get some revenge for Holland’s sake.

Ricochet vs. Sheamus

Ricochet headlock takeovers him to start but Sheamus fights up and hits a hard shoulder. Back up and Ricochet knocks him to the floor with a running shoulder of his own. Sheamus heads around the ring and sweeps the leg to drop Ricochet onto the apron. A catapult sends Ricochet face first into the bottom of the ring as we take a break.

Back with Ricochet fighting up from a double arm crank and striking away. The Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus is sent to the apron, where Ricochet gets him tied up in the ropes. A springboard moonsault hits Sheamus’ back for two but the shooting star misses. Sheamus hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and gets rather annoyed. The ten forearms to the chest rock Ricochet so Sheamus goes up, only to get sent face first into the post. A springboard sunset bomb gives Ricochet two and a regular sunset flip gets the same. Then the Brogue Kick knocks Ricochet silly for the pin at 9:57.

Rating: C+. This was getting good near the end and then finished pretty fast. I tried not to convince myself to believe that Ricochet had a chance but he managed to make it work again. He’s so easy to turn into an underdog but for some reason he is never allowed to win anything and it gets a little tiring.

We look back at Aliyah’s record setting win, which is an official record.

Sonya Deville and Adam Pearce are still complaining about the heat so Pearce goes to see maintenance. Sonya takes the jacket off so here’s Naomi to say it’s time for a fight. Pearce comes back in to say not so fast and Sonya puts the jacket back on. To calm things down, Pearce makes Naomi vs. Charlotte again for next week.

We look at Seth Rollins cashing in Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania XXXI.

Kofi Kingston vs. Madcap Moss

Before the match, Kingston reads a proclamation that King Woods is injured and out of the Royal Rumble, but Kingston will be taking his place. Cue Happy Corbin and Madcap Moss to say Corbin will be in the Rumble, which makes them as happy as they have been since they injured Drew McIntyre. We see a clip of the attack on McIntyre, before Moss makes a joke about Kingston being scared of him. Kofi laughs so hysterically that he falls to the mat before knocking Moss to the floor. The big dive connects on Corbin and Moss as we take an early break.

Back with Kingston fighting out of a chinlock but getting planted with a powerslam. Kofi fires off some clotheslines and kicks Moss in the face in the corner. Moss rolls through a high crossbody though, only to have Kofi load up the SOS. That’s countered with a rake to the face though and the Punchline finishes Kingston at 5:40. Not enough shown to rate but this was a short way to build Moss up, because the world needs more Moss.

Here are Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns for their face to face showdown. Reigns tells Omaha to acknowledge him but Rollins throws out the Shield fist. Reigns says that’s beneath him but Rollins brings up that Reigns has never beaten him in a title match. That makes Reigns laugh because while Rollins is still in the past, he is the best ever. Rollins says he was climbing the ladder while Reigns was on the bench in the Canadian Football League. Then Rollins turned on him in the Shield and Reigns STILL needed help getting to the top.

Rollins created him and he can destroy him, but Reigns says if he wanted to face a star, Rollins wouldn’t even be his pick out of his house. He would have faced Rollins’ wife, so here are the Usos to chase Rollins off. Rollins says he’ll destroy Reigns to end the show. There were some good lines here but I don’t think we need much to hype up a Rollins vs. Reigns title match.

Overall Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling most of this one as it didn’t exactly seem like much happened. The Lita appearance was nice and they added a few people to the Rumble, but other than that it was kind of a show that came and went. Naomi vs. Sonya continues to just kind of sit there, and I’m almost scared to imagine them dragging that all the way to Wrestlemania. The good thing is they have most of the important stuff set for the pay per view, but another match or two might be a good idea. Not their best show here, as it felt like a bit of an off week.

Results
Viking Raiders b. Los Lotharios, Cesaro/Mansoor and Jinder Mahal/Shanky – Viking Experience to Humberto
Aliyah b. Natalya – Rollup
Sheamus b. Ricochet – Brogue Kick
Madcap Moss b. Kofi Kingston – Punchline

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Make sure you check out some recent reviews:

Ring of Honor TV – January 5, 2022

Ring of Honor TV – January 12, 2022

205 Live – January 7, 2022

Royal Rumble 2001 (2018 Redo)

Royal Rumble 2002 (2012 Redo)

Royal Rumble 2003 (2017 Redo)

NXT UK – January 13, 2022

Smackdown – August 10, 2007

Impact Wrestling – January 13, 2022

WWE Bringing Back The Elimination Chamber In A Unique Spot.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/wwe-bringing-back-elimination-chamber-unique-spot/

Bring Him In: Former World Champion Signs With Impact Wrestling.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/bring-former-world-champion-signs-impact-wrestling/

SmackDown Star Injured, Missing 4-6 Weeks.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/smackdown-star-injured-miss-royal-rumble/

Update On Missing Finn Balor’s Whereabouts.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/update-missing-finn-balors-whereabouts/

WATCH: Ring Of Honor Title Changes Hands As Invasion Continues.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/watch-ring-honor-title-changes-hands-invasion-continues/

WATCH: AJ Styles Has Cool Post-Retirement Plans In Wrestling.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/watch-aj-styles-cool-post-retirement-plans-wrestling/

AEW Dominates 2021 PWI Awards, WWE Nearly Shut Out.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/aew-dominates-2021-pwi-awards-wwe-nearly-shut/

WRESTLING RUMOR: Monday Night Raw May Be Doing Something Brand New.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/wrestling-rumor-monday-night-raw-may-something-brand-new/

As always, please check out all of the videos if you can, hit up the comments section and get on the Wrestling Rumors Facebook page.

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 13, 2022
Location: Bomb Factory, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Tom Hannifan, D’Lo Brown

We are fresh off the outstanding Hard To Kill, which was one of the best shows that Impact has ever done. In addition to some great matches, a group of former Ring of Honor wrestlers invaded the show, which feels like it could be the start of something very good. Let’s get to it.

Here is Hard To Kill if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at all of the matches from Hard To Kill, plus the invasion, albeit not in order.

A furious W. Morrissey arrives and wants Moose. Morrissey comes into the arena and calls Moose out. He had Moose beaten for a ten count at Hard To Kill, even though Moose practically stole his World Title. Just once, have the balls to face someone man to man. Moose can come out here or look over his shoulder for the rest of his life.

Instead, Moose pops up on screen to say Morrissey didn’t have him beaten. There will be a World Title match tonight but Morrissey won’t be in it. Instead, he can go to the back of the line. Morrissey says Moose isn’t making it to the title match. He goes to the back where Scott D’Amore says get over it, because he won’t be interfering tonight. Hold on though as something is going on in the arena.

Back in the arena, Ring of Honor’s Matt Taven and Vincent are at commentary, with Taven demanding D’Lo Brown’s headset. Tom Hannifan can do the same thing but he actually resists. Taven grabs him so Brown starts swinging, only to be beaten down by Taven, Vincent and Mike Bennett, who comes through the crowd. Taven is on commentary as Brown is put on a table (Taven: “He’s looking at the real deal now.”), with PCO popping up to flip dive onto him, but not breaking the table. A second attempt puts him through it instead.

Hannifan is on his own for the rest of the night.

Video on Ring of Honor Women’s Champion Rok-C, who is defending against Deonna Purrazzo tonight.

Chris Bey vs. Laredo Kid

Trey Miguel joins commentary and makes it sound like D’Lo Brown has been shot. Kid misses an early dropkick attempt and gets punched in the corner. A chop misses though and Kid strikes away to take over. There’s a headscissors to the floor, setting up a springboard dive (you knew that was coming) to drop Bey. Back up and Bey hits a kick to the face, followed by a middle rope moonsault to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Bey missing a charge in the corner, allowing Kid to hit some running knees (Miguel: “I think my knees are better.”). Bey takes him outside and chops away while yelling at Miguel. Kid chops right back as Miguel suggests Bey not skip leg day, saying he looks like a golf tee. Back in and Kid hits a pair of moonsaults. Fans: “UNO MAS!” Miguel: “I wonder if in Mexico, they shout one more?” Bey scores with a brainbuster to take over and there’s a hard kick to the head. Kid catches him on top with a kick to the head though and it’s a super Spanish Fly to finish Bey at 12:05.

Rating: B-. This was the good match that you would have expected from these two and there is a good chance that it is going to move Kid on to the title match. Bey is still good and can have a solid match against anyone so I’m sure he’ll be fine. It is nice to see this division getting built up again, but it is hard to believe that it will last.

Post match, Kid points at the X-Division Title.

Eddie Edwards, Rich Swann, Willie Mack, Heath and Rhino aren’t happy with the Ring of Honor invaders. They’re going to find the Ring of Honor guys and take the fight to them…by splitting up. Doesn’t anyone here watch Scooby Doo?

Brian Myers is not happy with the Learning Tree, who are about to get cut. Somehow, Zicky Dice is Moose’s opponent…and has the biggest pizza I have ever seen. Myers steals a slice (which is over a foot long) and says good luck.

Jake Something vs. Mike Bailey

Ace Austin and Madman Fulton (who lost to Bailey and Something respectively on the Hard To Kill pre-show) are on commentary. Something wins an exchange of shoulders but Bailey nips back up. Bailey kicks him in the chest, including a dropkick to the floor. That means a mistake of following Something outside, where he hits a spinebuster onto the apron.

Back in and Something misses a dive, allowing Bailey to come back with a moonsault to the floor. Bailey strikes away for two back inside but the seated Something grabs his foot and lifts Bailey into a Falcon Arrow (dang) for his own two. Some more kicks take Something down in the corner though and the shooting star knees to the back (Up To 11) finishes for Bailey at 4:16.

Rating: C+. Bailey is certainly good, though I’m not sure if he is this be all end all wrestler that he is being made out to be. He hasn’t been around very long so far and has been impressive, but how many people wrestle the same style with a big flip as his finisher? In other words, yes he is talented, but I need to see him do something to stand out.

The Good Brothers blame Violent By Design for the loss at Hard To Kill but Eric Young thinks they could do well together. Rhino and Heath been attacked (not by the group who had been talking) though….and the Brothers/Violent By Design attack him again.

Matt Cardona and Chelsea Green are not happy with losing at Hard To Kill but they should/could have won! Tasha Steelz and Savannah Evans come in to mock Green for her loss in Ultimate X. Violence is teased and the challenge is issued, with Steelz being shoved into a chair.

Masha Slamovich vs. Vert Vixen

A running boot at the bell knocks Vixen silly and some hair takedowns make it worse. The scoop brainbuster finishes for Slamovich at 1:07.

Josh Alexander comes to the ring as Slamovich is leaving and seems to show some respect. Alexander gets in the ring and talks about how he has been told to keep his emotions in check. He has beaten Minoru Suzuki and Jonah but he has never lost his focus on Moose and the World Title. Until Moose beats him, Alexander is the uncrowned champion. If Alexander can’t get the World Title back, this might not be the place for him.

Cue Charlie Haas of all people to interrupt and introduce himself, because he has never been here before. The two of them are a lot alike, because they are both amateur wrestlers who were part of great tag teams. Haas sends out the challenge but while it would be an honor for Alexander, all he wants is the World Title. That’s not cool with Haas though and the fight is on, with security breaking it up in a hurry. Alexander accepts the challenge.

Mickie James welcomes Rok-C to Impact Wrestling and gives her a pep talk before her match with Deonna Purrazzo. Mickie will be watching.

World Title: Moose vs. Zicky Dice

Moose, in a suit, is defending and Brian Myers is on commentary. Dice does the Roman Reigns pose and a Superman Punch, which has no effect. A release Rock Bottom gives Moose the pin at 19 seconds. Myers: “Way to go Zicky.”

Post match W. Morrissey comes out but has to beat up Dice, allowing Moose to leave. Moose leaves the World Title behind, but VSK comes in to help Dice and Moose gets it back. Morrissey gives chase to the parking lot, where Moose speeds away in his car.

Raj Singh vs. ???

Scott D’Amore is on commentary and says he has talked to Ring of Honor management. Only Rok-C and Jonathan Gresham are here as official representatives of the company, while the invaders are all going rogue. Singh wants anyone out here and gets someone to accept.

Raj Singh vs. Jonah

Jonah shrugs off some shots to the face and hits a splash in the corner. A fireman’s carry toss sets up a backsplash and the Tsunami finishes Singh at 1:23.

The Influence wants the IInspiration to come up with a way to beat them on January 27. Decay comes in to say they have nothing to do next week….but Eddie Edwards has been attacked as well.

Jonathan Gresham says honor has come to Impact Wrestling. Steve Maclin pops in to get in Gresham’s face, earning himself a Ring of Honor World Title match next week, under Pure Rules of course.

AAA Reina de Reinas Title/Ring of Honor Women’s Title: Deonna Purrazzo vs. Rok-C

Title for title and Ian Riccaboni is on commentary, talking about Purrazzo’s time in the Ring of Honor women’s division. Matthew Rehwoldt joins commentary as well as the booth grows in a hurry. Rok-C runs her over to start but Purrazzo goes for the arm, giving us an early standoff. The threat of a crossface (the Rok Lock) sends Purrazzo outside though and we take a break.

Back with Rok-C hitting some moonsault knees to the ribs for a fast two but her rope walk wristdrag is broken up. Purrazzo gets to work on the arm, including wrapping it around the bottom rope. A stomp to the arm gets two but Rok-C fights up, only to get taken right back down for another stomp. The cross arm choke goes on until Rok-C gets to her feet and sends her shoulder first into the post.

Rok-C spins around into a Russian legsweep but the arm is too banged up for the Rok Lock. The Fujiwara armbar is broken up as well and the Code Rok gets two, giving us a stunned kickout face. Another Code Rok attempt works but this time Purrazzo flips over into the Fujiwara armbar. The referee is about to stop it so Rok-C grabs his leg with the free arm. Purrazzo grabs the other arm and it’s the Venus de Milo to make Rok-C give up at 13:40.

Rating: B. This is the result they had to go with, though it doesn’t exactly make Ring of Honor look great by comparison. Rok-C never felt like a serious threat here and her big offense consisted of rollups. That being said, Ring of Honor’s women’s division was never its strong suit and Rok-C should have a long career ahead of herself given how polished she looked in a short run so far. This was all about Purrazzo though, and that’s how it should have been.

Post match here is Maria Kanellis (with Ian Riccaboni immediately disavowing anything about what is coming) to get in the ring. The invaders come in so Matthew Rehwoldt runs in for the failed save. Rich Swann and Willie Mack run in and get beaten down as well. The invaders pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I don’t know what to say but Impact is on a roll. They have some stories set up and the invasion seems like it is going to be a big deal. There has not been a major story around here for a good while and something like that has been missing. What matters here is I want to see where these stories are going and that is a great sign for any show. Very good week here and I’m excited to see where things are going.

Results
Laredo Kid b. Chris Bey – Super Spanish Fly
Mike Bailey b. Jake Something – Up To 11
Masha Slamovich b. Vert Vixen – Scoop brainbuster
Moose b. Zicky Dice – Release Rock Bottom
Jonah b. Raj Singh – Tsunami
Deonna Purrazzo b. Rok-C – Venus de Milo

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Smackdown
Date: August 10, 2007
Location: Chevrolet Center, Youngstown, Ohio
Attendance: 3,700
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re closing in on Summerslam and the main event is set, with Batista challenging Great Khali for the World Title. That may be a problem for Batista, as Khali debuted a Claw hold, which could cause quite the damage. The rest of the card could use some attention though so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Batista vs. Domino

They’re starting fast this week and Deuce and Cherry are here with Domino. Batista knees him in the ribs as the smoke from Batista’s pyro is still filling the arena. A suplex gives Batista two but it’s too early for the Batista Bomb. Back up Cherry’s distraction does absolutely nothing as Batista takes Deuce N Domino out with ease. The spear into the Batista Bomb is good for the easy pin. On Domino.

Rating: C-. Total squash and that’s what it should have been. It would have been nice to not see a champion lose this way, but it isn’t like there are any other tag teams worth beating up around here. Batista didn’t break a sweat here and that made for an entertaining enough destruction.

Post match Deuce tries to jump Batista and gets wrecked as well. Great Khali pops up on screen to yell at Batista, who won’t be celebrating at Summerslam. We see a clip of Khali Clawing Ric Flair last week to knock him out.

Here is the returning Rey Mysterio, whose knee surgery must have been a success as he is about four inches taller now. Whoever it is seems to be a big Chavo Guerrero fan because he doesn’t know if Rey can beat Chavo at Summerslam. Or if he can even face Chavo, because Chavo is that amazing. He gets on his knees to beg Chavo to avoid that kind of a beating again but here is Eugene to interrupt.

Eugene vs. “Rey Mysterio”

The fans think Chavo sucks and it’s a headscissors to take Eugene down to start. The 619 misses and believe it or not, it’s Chavo under the mask. Eugene is so offended by the deception that he starts hammering away and hits a Gory Bomb, followed by Three Amigos. The frog splash takes too long though and Chavo moves, allowing him to hit his own for the pin.

Rating: D+. They didn’t bother trying to take this one too far as there is only so much you can get out of this kind of a match. It was also a match where the copying moves made sense, but Eugene is so far beyond meaning anything that it is hard to believe that he was kind of a big thing at one point. Chavo is on his way to the big showdown with Rey and that should work out well for both of them.

Kenny Dykstra kisses Victoria as she is getting her makeup done when Michelle McCool comes in to tell them to get a room. Violence is teased.

Raw Rebound.

Mark Henry vs. Sterling Keenan

Keenan is better known as Corey Graves. Bearhug finishes for Henry in about a minute.

Post match Henry says no one will mess with him because of this, sending us to a video of him attacking Undertaker. As the beating is on, we cut to an Undertaker vignette, with the word “Unforgiven” being heard. Back in the arena, a man in black walks away from the ring and his footprints are rather prominent.

Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria

Jimmy Wang Yang and Kenny Dykstra are here. Victoria jumps her to start and takes it to the floor. That means Yang has to dropkick Dykstra down as Torrie is scared. Back in and the Widow’s Peak finishes Torrie in a hurry.

Post match the beating stays on but Michelle McCool runs in for the save.

We recap Matt Hardy beating MVP in arm wrestling and regular wrestling last week.

Commentary tells us that thanks to the Wellness Policy, MVP found out that he had a heart condition and has had surgery, but will be back in a week.

MVP complains about how his heart was messed up last week but Matt Hardy cheated to beat him anyway. It would usually take someone a year to return but he’ll do it in a week because he is half man and half amazing.

Matt Hardy vs. Finlay

Finlay points a finger in his face to start and they take their time to start. A headlock and shoulder have Matt in early trouble so he grabs a headlock of his own. Commentary talks about Mr. McMahon’s illegitimate child (ok fair enough) as Matt hits Finlay in the face for two. Hold on though as Finlay complains of an eye poke, which naturally is a way to sucker Matt in for some uppercuts.

Back up and Finlay charges into a boot in the corner but manages to send Matt hard to the floor. They fight over a ram into the apron so Matt gets posted as we take a break. We come back with Finlay staying on the arm that went into the post, including kicking away at the shoulder. The cranking begins on the arm but the referee is smart enough to see the feet in the ropes. Good of him for doing his job for once.

Back up and Matt hits an elbow to the face, only to get taken down into another armbar. The arm is slammed onto the apron before Finlay goes with the armbar again. Back up and Finlay forearms away in the corner but Matt slugs him down. The middle rope elbow to the back connects and the Side Effect gets two. Finlay fights back but here is Hornswoggle at ringside. Finlay brings him inside but Jamie Noble comes out to chase Hornswoggle off. Finlay goes to rescue Hornswoggle….and it’s a countout.

Rating: C+. This felt like they had set up a joke for seventeen minutes and then forgot the punchline. They set up everything with Hardy’s arm being banged up and then just let it end in the middle of his comeback? Instead of managing to beat Finlay with one arm, it was like they were saying “close enough, we’re done”. This had me really confused and disappointed, even though the rest of it was rather good.

In the back, Jamie Noble asks Kid Kash and Funaki where Hornswoggle is. Finlay comes in and grabs Noble, telling him to stay away from Hornswoggle. Noble says this is three on one….but Kane pops up behind them and beats up Finlay.

Kane vs. Sylvan

Sylvan rants in French until the fire cuts him off. Kane sends him flying into the corner and hammers away without much trouble. The chinlock goes on for a bit but Sylvan cuts off a charge in the corner. Kane hits a big boot though and the top rope clothesline sets up the chokeslam for the easy win.

Post match Finlay runs in and beats Kane down with the shillelagh.

Teddy Long and Vickie Guerrero talk about Teddy’s wedding and gives him some Viagra as a wedding present.

Here is Chris Masters for the Masterlock Challenge to anyone in the crowd. A rather large fan is goaded into it, but says he has played football, wrestled…..and just got out of prison for manslaughter. With that, Masters picks another fan, who he easily beats. I’m still not sure why this is supposed to be interesting, especially after someone already broke the hold.

Batista tells Ric Flair to be careful against Great Khali, but Flair is mad over being rag dolled last week. He’s felt the Claw from other people before and now it is time for a Figure Four on Khali.

Ric Flair vs. Great Khali

Non-title. Flair chops away to start and is tossed to the ground for his efforts. The nerve hold goes on for a good while, followed by the big chop and a big boot. Flair manages a low blow and chops away, with Khali going down to a knee. Then Khali grabs the Claw to finish Flair without much trouble.

Rating: D. This was as good as Khali nerve holding Flair for about a minute and a half was going to be. The Claw is a fine way for someone with Khali’s hands to go, but you need something other than that. The problem is he can’t do much more and this was a bad example of how limited he really is.

Post match the Claw stays on so Batista runs in for the save. Khali Claws Batista down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I don’t remember the last time Smackdown came up with such a bad show as this was rather awful. There was nothing on here that you would need to see and the best match, between Hardy and Finlay, has one of the more disappointing endings I have heard of in a long time. This didn’t make me want to see Summerslam and it was one of the weakest shows WWE has put on in a long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Since I have a bad tendency to take forever to do these every year, I’m going to streamline the process a bit. This time, rather than doing individual posts for each award, instead I’ll be posting three groups of six each, randomly chosen awards. Also, and again for the sake of sanity, I’ll be listing some Honorable Mentions/Other Nominees but not going in-depth on anything but the winner. They should get the most attention for being the best/worst in each category, plus I take way more time than necessary to do something like this anyway.  Let’s get to it.

Worst Major Show Of The Year

5. Wrestlemania Backlash
4. Hard To Kill
3. Bound For Glory
2. Revolution

1. Survivor Series

This was the hardest award to do so far as 2021 has to be one of the best years ever for pay per view. I know WWE gets a bad reputation for their TV (and it is 100% earned in some cases), but they can put on a show when it comes to getting in the ring and saying go. That is the case with every other major promotion (or at least the ones I watch). When the lowest overall rating I could give a show all year is a C (or about a 6), you’re in a really, really good place. None of these shows are by any means bad, so we’ll call them the least good.

As for the pick, while I had Revolution rated lower overall (the exploding barbed wire match was not my thing and was never going to be), Survivor Series did not feel important whatsoever coming in and I did not want to watch it. The Battle For Brand Supremacy has become such a chore that even the very good wrestling couldn’t overcome a lot of the problems. It wasn’t a bad show, but it was a show that felt like a chore rather than something I would want to watch, and that’s worse than having bad action.

Tag Team Of The Year

5. New Day
4. Lucha Bros
3. Briscoes
2. Usos

1. FTR

I grew up on 80s wrestling and that’s what you get here. Between the Midnight Express theme song and the old school high waisted trunks, these guys feel like a modern version of Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard. It’s so much fun to watch a team that feels happy with being a tag team instead of two wrestlers who happen to be together. That’s such a rare thing to see these days, at least at this level, and FTR does it so well.

One of the best things about the team is how well they stand out. AEW has a lot of people jumping and flipping and diving all over the place and going completely out of control. FTR feels like a team that has prepared and trained to take their opponents apart in a wrestling match rather than having an acrobatic display. The team feels different and the fact that they do it so well makes them the team of the year.

Major Show Of The Year

5. Double Or Nothing
4. Extreme Rules
3. Full Gear
2. Takeover: Vengeance

1. All Out

I wanted to put Vengeance at the top but the more I thought about it, the more remarkable All Out really is. In addition to the great action, it was the show where Adam Cole debuted for one of the biggest surprises of the year. That was the case for all of two minutes, because Bryan Danielson appeared after, giving us one of the biggest nights in AEW history. Throw in CM Punk’s return to the ring for the first time in seven and a half years for a pretty great match with Darby Allin and Kenny Omega doing an Urkel impression and this wasn’t going to be topped.

Non-Wrestler Of The Year

5. Dan Lambert
4. Scott D’Amore
3. Pat McAfee
2. Taz

1. Paul Heyman

I know it’s a cliched answer, but Heyman somehow manages to improve on the greatness that he has already achieved. There is perhaps nothing more entertaining in wrestling than watching him go out on television and doing or saying whatever it is that needs to be said to make a story work. Heyman and Roman Reigns were a perfect combination for the entire year, with the Reigns/Heyman/Brock Lesnar story being a major highlight.

What makes Heyman work so well is that he feels different. Maybe that’s because he seems to have more freedom with what he says and does, but he comes off as so much more genuine whenever he is out there. It makes his segments something that you can enjoy while also moving the story forward. That has been the case with him for a long time and he did it again here.

Worst Wrestler of The Year

5. Jade Cargill
4. Madcap Moss
3. Eva Marie
2. Commander Azeez

1. Nia Jax

Yes she has been released and no she wasn’t around for a large part of the year, but there were times this year where I was sitting there in awe over her continued employment. She was big, she was stiff, she hasn’t had a good match in the better part of ever and she did not seem to think she was doing anything wrong. This is an easy one for me and it seems to be better that she has moved on to anything else.

Rookie/Newcomer Of The Year (Note that this can mean someone new to a show rather than a pure rookie. I also left Adam Cole and Bryan Danielson off as them coming to AEW as basically the same person didn’t exactly feel new.)

5. Hook
4. Rok-C
2. Rick Boogs
2. Doudrop

1. Bron Breakker

Like it could be anyone else. I know he hasn’t been around long, but to show up as a totally raw rookie and be one of the best stars on all of NXT in literally a few months is more than good enough to be here. There are better stars out there, but Breakker comes off as about as much of a natural as you can get, which is almost impossible to find in this day and age of wrestling.

NXT UK
Date: January 13, 2022
Location: BT Studios, London, England
Commentators: Andy Shepherd, Nigel McGuinness

It’s the end of an era as we are going to see Walter’s final match around here. Walter is one of the people who has made this show feel special every time he appears and while it will be great to see him moving up the ladder, he is going to be missed around here. Hopefully there is a nice tribute to go with the match, so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a video looking back at Walter’s time in NXT UK. No one brought the big fight feeling like he did.

Opening sequence.

Jack Starz/Dave Mastiff vs. Die Familia

Charlie Dempsey is here with Die Familia and the winners face Ashton Smith and Oliver Carter for the #1 contendership. Raja muscles Starz up to start and throws him away without much effort. They fight over a lockup but Raja throws him off a front facelock. Starz can’t take him down by the leg but he can take him down with an armbar. A headlock gives Starz two and some dropkicks send Raja into the corner.

That’s enough for Raja to need a breather so it’s off to Mastiff vs. Teoman. Mastiff doesn’t mind, as he runs both of them over and hands it back off to Starz for the elbow between the shoulders. Mastiff’s backsplash into a slingshot crossbody gets two on Teoman, meaning it’s finally time for Dempsey to offer a distraction. Starz gets tied up in the ring skirt as a result and the big beating is on to put the villains in control.

The armbar goes on and it’s back to Raja to work on both arms and a leg. Starz isn’t having any of this switching limbs/ignoring his other leg and fights out of the corner, allowing the diving tag off to Mastiff. House is cleaned in a hurry, including a suplex to Raja and a toss over the top to send Teoman to the floor. Dempsey tries to get involved again but here is Gallus to take care of them. Mastiff German suplexes Raja for the pin at 9:48.

Rating: C. Totally watchable tag match with a lot of people involved to give us a surprising result. Die Familia seemed to be the perfect choice for the title match and they will probably get one in the future, but Mastiff and Starz are doing well as the big/little team. If nothing else, it is great to see some fresh teams in the division so let’s see what they can do.

Video on Walter’s path of dominance through NXT UK, with wrestlers talking about how awesome he is. Shouldn’t be hard to figure out something to compliment him on.

We look at Meiko Satomura retaining the Women’s Title over Blair Davenport last week, but Davenport laid her out after the match. The feud will continue.

Video on Jordan Devlin who wants the United Kingdom Title for the fame, while Ilja Dragunov wants to keep it to make things better for his family. The title match is in two weeks.

Amale vs. Stevie Turner

Jinny is on commentary. They strike it out to start but Amale sends her into the corner for a running clothesline. Turner kicks her in the face but gets knocked into the corner in a hurry. A running boot misses Turner so she takes Amale down to hammer away. There’s a knee lift for two and it’s time to work on both of Amale’s arms at once as we look at Jinny. Amale is back up with some clotheslines and a dropkick into the corner. Now the running boot connects, setting up a kind of Rock Bottom spinebuster for the pin on Turner at 4:00.

Rating: C-. Amale is still a bit of a work in progress but it is clear that she is one of the projects around here. Between the French Hope deal and Jinny focusing on her, there is something worth trying out here. It wasn’t a very good match, but it got Amale a win and that is what she needs most at the moment.

Pretty Deadly comes in to Sid Scala to complain about Sam Gradwell. Next week, they get to face Gradwell and a partner of his choosing. Scala doesn’t seem pleased.

Video on Walter’s dominance as the NXT UK Champion…until he met Ilja Dragunov for their pair of classics.

Video on A-Kid vs. Noam Dar for the Heritage Cup. Kid wants the title back, but Dar wants revenge on Kid for eliminating him from the original Heritage Cup tournament. Now it is time to fight, because they both want something.

Amale is happy with her win but here is Jinny to mock her for being weak. Jinny gets shoved and they shout at each other a lot, with security breaking it up.

Walter vs. Nathan Frazer

This is Walter’s Last Stand and my goodness does that entrance still work. The WALTER chants begin and Frazer starts to realize he’s in trouble. Walter throws him down to start and Frazer looks terrified. An armbar takes Frazer down and Walter isn’t having any of this flipping stuff for an escape. A dropkick staggers Walter so he puts Frazer on the apron and pats him on the head.

Frazer snaps into reality and starts striking away, earning himself a slam onto the turnbuckle. Walter chops him on the chest and steps on his face (geez), sending Frazer crashing down to the floor. Back in and a hard slam takes Frazer down again, setting up the sleeper. That’s broken up and Frazer scores with some running forearms….until Walter kicks him in the face. The double arm crank with a knee in Frazer’s back goes on, followed by a hard fist to the chest.

It’s off to the chinlock for a change before Walter starts yelling at him. Frazer fires off some chops of his own and Nigel knows what’s coming. One Walter chop has Frazer looking like he has been shot but he manages to counter a powerbomb into a hurricanrana. Back up and Walter misses a dropkick, allowing Frazer to hit a running shooting star press. Frazer strikes away but has to flip out of a German suplex attempt.

Another boot rips Frazer’s head off but he is still able to counter another powerbomb into a Code Red for two. Frazer kicks away at the leg some more and some superkicks stagger Walter again. A Nightmare on Helm Street sends Walter outside, where Frazer hits a shotgun dropkick into the barricade.

Back in and Frazer kicks away some more, setting up a running chop block. A springboard takes too long though and Frazer gets chopped out of the air. The powerbomb is countered again and a low superkick rocks Walter. Seth Rollins’ (Frazer’s trainer) stomp sets up a frog splash for two but the Phoenix splash is broken up. Now the powerbomb can finally connect to finish Frazer at 14:01.

Rating: B+. They told a great story here with Walter having the game plan of trying to get to the powerbomb over and over again while Frazer was doing everything he could to get out of it. Frazer was trying to hang in there as well as he could and finally got caught, but he gave it a great ride on the way there. I didn’t think Walter would lose in his last match for NXT UK but they made you believe there was a chance, and that is better than I would have bet on. Heck of a match.

Overall Rating: B+. The main event blows everything away but at least they were trying to do something with the other two matches. The women’s match was only ok at best, but they have a point to what they’re doing there. That being said, this is all about Walter and there is nothing wrong with focusing on the most successful star the show has ever had as he is leaving. Check out the main event for sure and the rest if you have time, as this is still the most well put together show going today.

Results
Jack Starz/Dave Mastiff b. Die Familia – German suplex to Raja
Amale b. Stevie Turner – Spinebuster
Walter b. Nathan Frazer – Powerbomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a really odd entry in the series as the namesake match is being treated as secondary to almost everything else. Really, coming into this show, there’s a good argument to be made that Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie is being treated as a bigger deal than the Rumble itself. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The winner is in the Rumble and the loser is out in the cold. They do the customary exchange of shoves to start with the fans almost entirely behind Lesnar. Brock drives him into the corner to little avail but the belly to belly works a bit better. A second works just as well but the third is countered with a scary toss over the top. Back in and we hit the choke, which you can tell is serious because Cole starts talking about Show’s shoe size.

Brock comes right back with the release German suplex but Heyman offers a distraction to break things up. A big boot and side slam drop Lesnar for all of ten seconds before he’s back up with an other belly to belly. Cue Heyman but he gets caught in an F5 attempt, only to have Show make the save with a chokeslam for two. A second attempt is countered into a sloppy F5 to send Lesnar to the Rumble.

Rating: D+. It was short (less than seven minutes) and had the only possible ending (it’s not like there are many other potential Rumble winners) so it’s hard to complain that much. The F5 didn’t look great but it was how the match should have ended. This probably needs to be about it for Big Show as a main event guy but you know that’s not going to be the case, which is part of the problem on Smackdown.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Bubba punches Storm in the corner to start and hits something like a spinebuster. To really mix things up, Bubba grabs a leglock for a few seconds before handing it off to D-Von. Regal comes in and gets punched as well as this isn’t exactly shaking the feeling that it’s a glorified Raw match. The champs take over on D-Von with Storm drop toeholding him down into a sliding knee from Regal (nice spot).

We hit the cravate for a bit and a chinlock keeps D-Von in trouble. That doesn’t last long either though as D-Von fights up and makes the hot tag to Bubba for the house cleaning. Regal takes What’s Up but here’s Chief Morely for a distraction to prevent the 3D. It doesn’t quite work so well though as D-Von uses the distraction to grab Regal’s brass knuckles and knock Storm silly for the pin and the titles. Lawler: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” He’s confused enough to refer to Regal as Steve.

Rating: C-. This was just a Raw match with a title change and considering Booker T. and Goldust never even got a rematch after losing the titles, I have no idea what the thinking here is. Were Booker and Goldust really that bad of a team? I know it’s a sin to get over without the company swearing off on it but it’s some of the oddest booking of the year.

House show ads. They didn’t edit this off the Network? I like having the complete versions but it’s a strange choice to keep in.

Nathan Jones vignette.

We get a long recap of the Al Wilson Saga, which still doesn’t make much sense and went on WAY too long if this is their big idea. Basically Dawn Marie decided she wanted to destroy Torrie Wilson’s life (I think?) by marrying Torrie’s father. She eventually went through with it but had so much, ahem, fun with Al on their honeymoon that he died.

Dawn blames Torrie for this and the match is on, even though it was booked before Al died. If this was all some big con by Dawn, what does she get out of it? Getting a match with Torrie? She seems upset and we haven’t gotten any scene of Dawn saying it was all made up so I guess we’re supposed to take it at face value. I know I harp on this a lot but I still don’t get how this was supposed to work.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Dawn stays on the arm (that’ll teach Torrie for killing Dawn’s husband) and grabs a flapjack. They collide in a bad looking spot and the boring chants begin. Dawn actually hits a decent looking middle rope spinning clothesline, only to fall victim to that horrible swinging neckbreaker to give Torrie the pin.

Rating: F. Really, what else were you expecting here? The feud was as soap opera level as you’re going to have and the wrestlers are both models and little more. Somehow that’s about as much as you could have thought these two would do and hopefully it wraps up the story for good. I know it won’t but it would be nice.

Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon run into each other in the back with Stephanie being smug about Eric’s thirty days to fix Raw deal. Eric asks if her job is safe too but she doesn’t seem worried, partially because she has her own surprise for Raw. As with most cases of both GM’s on screen at once, this was a big waste of time.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to go to church.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. HHH. Steiner showed up in November and was immediately shoved into the title picture but hasn’t actually had a match yet. Instead it’s been stuff like a posedown, a bench press contest (which didn’t happen), arm wrestling and a pushup contest. The idea is that Steiner can do everything HHH can and might also be completely insane. The fact that they’ve barely been allowed to get physical should be a bit worrisome but HHH wouldn’t let us down.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is challenging and HHH is in the ultra rare red trunks. Before the bell, Hebner holds up the title and insists that he’s the law around here no matter what. Steiner wins the early slugout and chops away in the corner, followed by the gorilla press to send HHH rolling to the floor. The champ’s back is sent into the post a few times and a hard Irish whip makes his back even worse.

We hit a Boston crab for a bit with HHH crawling to the ropes a few seconds later. That’s not very noteworthy, but Steiner falling over when the hold is broken isn’t the most encouraging sign. The facebuster is no sold and we hit a quickly broken bearhug. Steiner gets in the first belly to belly for two and Flair pulls him out to the floor.

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Scott catapults him into the buckle and grabs the second overhead suplex….before just collapsing next to the ropes. We’re not even nine minutes into the match and the guy can’t even stand up. Steiner picks him up for what looks like a Tombstone and you would think he was about to go into labor. HHH slips out and tries a Diamond Cutter but Steiner goes backwards with it like a regular neckbreaker. After all those years of working with Diamond Dallas Page he can’t take a standard face first bump?

You can hear the crowd losing their patience with this one. Flair plays cheerleader and the fans actually cheer for HHH, who may be boring but he’s at least looking competent here. The champ dives into another overhead suplex but Steiner still can’t follow up. Some Steiner Lines set up suplexes four, five and six, followed by a spinning version for two.

Steiner tries a tiger bomb and falls down, drawing straight up booing from the fans. The announcers are trying as hard as they can to make Steiner sound like a threat here and it’s going as badly as you would expect. HHH heads up top so it’s a superplex for two more. That’s enough to send HHH and Flair up the aisle but Steiner isn’t done yet and drags them back. As lame as an ending as that would be, it was the right call at this point.

A belt shot to HHH’s head draws some blood and they continue to stagger around ringside with no idea what to do. Another belly to belly (ninth suplex total) sends HHH outside again and they brawl into the crowd because THIS MATCH JUST CAN’T END. Back in again with Steiner doing the pushups and laboring through some right hands in the corner. Now Flair tries to get the referee to stop the match but the referee keeps going because he’s that kind of evil.

Steiner hates the match as much as everyone else does so he throws Hebner outside but THAT’S NOT A DQ EITHER. The tenth suplex gets two and you can see Steiner looking desperate. HHH gets in a low blow and rolls Steiner up for two. That’s FINALLY enough for HHH as he grabs sledgehammer and hits Scott in the ribs for the DQ, earning a chorus of boos that would make Roman Reigns proud.

Rating: N. For Not HHH’s Fault. For once, this can’t be blamed on HHH, who was just stuck in a horrible situation and couldn’t do anything with it. To be fair though, no one was going to be able to get anything passable out of this mess. Steiner wasn’t ready for this match and had no business going more than five minutes, let alone eighteen. The interesting thing here though is the first eight minutes ran more than well enough. It was a boring start but it was nowhere near a disaster or even really bad. The problem is the second half of the match where EVERYTHING falls apart.

You’ll hear a lot of comparisons between this Steiner and Brock Lesnar’s Suplex City but the key is in the delivery. Lesnar suplexes the heck out of people and then pops up to do it again. Steiner was suplexing HHH here and then taking twenty seconds to get to his feet out of pure exhaustion. When you can see wrestlers go twenty minutes without even breathing hard, there’s no excuse for a main eventer nearly passing out from exhaustion in the first ten minutes. There’s a reason this is remembered so horribly and it more than lives down to its reputation.

Post match Steiner hits him with the sledgehammer and grabs the Steiner Recliner. JR: “There’s no way out of this hold.” In other words, yes they’re actually doing a rematch. Bischoff eventually comes out and gets Steiner off of HHH as the fans are so apathetic towards any of this.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt won the title with help from his new agent Paul Heyman, who also represents Big Show. Benoit beat Show to become the new #1 contender and you know this is going to be a classic no matter what. That being said, there’s not much of a secret to the fact that they’re building towards Lesnar vs. Angle at this point. At least we can have an incredible match on the way there.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. Benoit has to deal with Team Angle to start so that’s a double ejection. Chris tries a very quick Sharpshooter (which Tazz calls a Boston crab for some reason), sending Angle outside for a breather. Back in and another leg hold sends Angle to the ropes as it seems that they have a long time here.

Benoit easily wins a battle of the chops and gets two off a clothesline to the back of the head. A DDT onto the apron makes things even worse but Angle rolls away from the Swan Dive. The Angle Slam is reversed though and we hit the Sharpshooter. Angle grabs the ropes as well as a belly to belly (after that last match, I’m surprised those weren’t banned like bar stools on Frasier) to really take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors on Benoit for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and they trade German suplexes with Benoit getting the better of it. Chris takes too long going up top though and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex. The Crossface goes on a few seconds later with Benoit switching to the ankle lock (that’s like a Bingo space in an Angle match).

Kurt’s ankle lock is reversed into the Crossface which is reversed into a rollup which is reversed right back into the Crossface. Angle gets to his feet for an Angle Slam but there’s no cover. There go the straps though and it’s back to the ankle lock. Benoit gets two off a rollup as the announcers are losing their minds (rightfully so).

Kurt is sick of this submission stuff and tries a German suplex, only to have Benoit reverse into a release version, drawing quite the round of applause. With Angle three quarters of the way across the ring, Benoit hits the best looking Swan Dive I’ve ever seen for a delayed two. Angle grabs a powerbomb but drops Benoit face first onto the buckle, followed by another Slam for two.

We’re right back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock which can’t be reversed this time. Benoit kicks him away instead, only to get caught in the ankle lock again. Chris tries to pull him into the Crossface but Angle holds on and gets the grapevine to FINALLY make Benoit tap because he was beaten and he knew it.

Rating: A+. I’ve seen this match several times now and I’m still exhausted just watching it. These guys were beating the heck out of each other with everything looking anywhere from great to unbelievable (that Swan Dive in particular). This was outstanding stuff and one of the best wrestling matches I’ve ever seen. There’s also a bit of a HHH vs. Cactus Jack vibe to it with Angle being backed into a corner and having to fight, only to prove that he is indeed the better man, at least on this night. Check this out if you haven’t seen it in awhile, or just because it’s worth seeing multiple times.

After an Anthology ad, Benoit gets the big standing ovation, which probably should have sent him to a World Title shot (at least) at Wrestlemania. Instead it was a spot in a three way for the Tag Team Titles because that’s how WWE worked in 2003.

Rob Van Dam and Kane agree that it’s every man for himself tonight.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals (though Fink says two minutes) with Shawn Michaels at #1 and Chris Jericho at #2. If nothing else, at least Shawn is starting to look like a wrestler again instead of the tiny thing he was back at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second as it’s Christian in Jericho’s clothes instead of Chris himself. Cue Jericho from underneath the ring to hit Shawn low. One heck of a beatdown ensues with Jericho busting Shawn open with a chair as Christopher Nowinski is in at #3. He’s willing to stay on the floor while Jericho beats on Shawn some more and easily eliminates him.

Nowinski is still on the floor as Rey Mysterio is in at #4. Rey tries to speed things up and slips out of a gorilla press, only to get punched out to the apron. As usual, Jericho celebrates early and gets dropkicked into the ropes. Nowinski FINALLY gets in and it’s Edge in at #5. Outside of Nowinski, that’s quite the first four. Spears abound as Rey gets back into it and Nowinski is sent outside but not eliminated.

Jericho is sent into the post and through the ropes to the floor. Rey and Edge shake hands and go at it with Rey hitting the 619 but he gets powerbombed to put both guys down. It’s Christian in at #6 with an offer to reform the team with Edge. That earns him a spear but here’s Nowinski to throw Edge and Mysterio to the apron. Chavo Guerrero is in at #7 as the Smackdown is strong with this Rumble.

Rey and Chavo do a quick lucha sequence with the 619 setting up a springboard seated senton. Christian eats a 619 of his own, followed by a hurricanrana to get rid of Nowinski. Jericho comes back in for a hard clothesline to get rid of Mysterio and here’s Tajiri in at #8. Things settle down a bit with Chavo choking Jericho in the corner and Tajiri not being able to eliminate Christian.

Bill DeMott is in at #9 and attacks various people in short order. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled here as we’re waiting on the big name to clean out some of these names. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 to give us Dreamer, Jericho, Edge, Christian, Chavo, Tajiri and DeMott. Dreamer brings weapons with him and Edge knocks DeMott out with a kendo stick. Jericho and Christian hit a con-trashcanlid-o on Dreamer and get rid of him without much effort. Tajiri takes them both down with a handspring elbow but the Tarantula is easily broken up, allowing Jericho to get rid of him.

B2, still with the Cena entrance theme, is in at #11…and Edge gets rid of him in less than thirty seconds. Chavo is speared out next, followed by a bloody Jericho (from a Dreamer kendo stick shot) dumping Edge and Christian to leave himself all alone. Rob Van Dam is in at #12 because Edge/Van Dam vs. Christian/Jericho was out of the question for some reason. A superkick has Jericho in trouble and he’s catapulted all the way to the apron. Matt Hardy, who strongly dislikes mustard, is in at #13 and drops Rob with a Side Effect.

Van Dam gets double teamed for a bit until he flips over Jericho and kicks Matt in the face for good measure. The Five Star hits Jericho and it’s Eddie Guerrero in at #14. We get a rehash of Eddie vs. Van Dam from last year until Matt helps Eddie set up an ugly frog splash. That earns Eddie a Twist of Fate (Eddie is smarter than that) and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #15.

Jeff doesn’t buy the reunion idea either (like anyone would buy a Hardys reunion in 2003 or beyond) and beats Matt up, only to have Shannon Moore dive onto Matt to save him from a Swanton. That’s fine with Jeff so he crushes both of them as Rosey is in at #16. Matt gets backdropped to the apron as the eliminations have slowed WAY down. Test is in at #17 and gets to clean house a bit without eliminating anyone. You know, because Rosey needs to stick around.

A rapping John Cena is in at #18 giving reasons why he’s going to win this. The camera stays on him and for once it’s not the biggest problem as nothing is going on in the ring. Van Dam beats him up on the floor (maybe for wrestling in jeans instead of jean shorts for a change) and it’s Charlie Haas in at #19. Where are Lesnar and Undertaker to clear these people out? Jeff tries to run up the corner so Rob eliminates him, still leaving us with far too many people.

Rikishi is in at #20, giving us Rikishi, Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Rosey, Test, Cena and Haas. Rosey and Rikishi have a weird family reunion as Shannon comes in to protect Matt. That just earns him a double Stinkface, or at least it would have if Rosey hadn’t clotheslined Rikishi instead. Jamal is in at #21 to superkick Rikishi, who pops right back up with a Stinkface for his…..brother I believe.

Kane is in at #22 to clean house but he brings Rico in with a chokeslam to fill the ring up even more. Rosey is tossed in a hurry and it’s a double chokeslam for Matt and Shannon. Shelton Benjamin is in at #23 as the ring is WAY too full with eleven people in there, plus Shannon and Rico at various times. They all fight near the ropes and it’s Booker T. in at #24. We go to a weird closeup for an ax kick on Kane and there’s the Spinarooni. Eddie gets backdropped out and it’s A-Train in at #25.

A good looking A-Train Bomb (chokebomb) plants Cena and another one hits Van Dam but Rikishi superkicks A-Train in the face. Jericho is sent to the apron AGAIN but here’s a bandaged Shawn to go after Jericho, allowing Test to knock him out. Shawn stays on Jericho and that’s a Wrestlemania match. Maven is in at #26 (because this match needed two Tough Enough names) and goes after Kane as things slow down again. Goldust is in at #27 and doesn’t even last a minute before Team Angle puts him out. They do the same to Booker T. a few seconds later, making sure that the Booker T./Goldust team is swiftly beaten again.

Batista is in at #28 and gets rid of Test (after EIGHTEEN MINUTES, or longer than Edge and Mysterio combined) and Rikishi. Brock Lesnar is in at #29 and becomes the most obvious winner since….well last year with HHH actually. He wastes no time in getting rid of Team Angle before throwing Matt onto both of them. Now that’s how you clear out some bodies. Undertaker is in at #30 to give us a final group of Undertaker, Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista and Lesnar. Not the worst field actually.

Undertaker dumps Cena (Which could have set up a heck of a Wrestlemania match today but we wanted a reality show moment instead. Yes you did want that and Kevin Dunn told me so.) and Jamal (Why was he still there?) before Maven hits the same dropkick as last year. This time there’s no effect though, making Maven’s celebration a bit amusing.

After Maven is launched out, A-Train hits the A-Train Bomb on Undertaker. Van Dam and Kane get rid of A-Train and we’re down to five. Kane loads up Rob in a gorilla press….and throws him out in a smart move (not a heel turn). Batista and Kane are put down with a double clothesline and it’s time for Lesnar vs. Undertaker.

That’s broken up before anything can happen though and the Brothers of Destruction start taking over. Brock takes care of Batista and Kane so we can have the Undertaker showdown. The F5 is countered and Brock takes a Tombstone, followed by Undertaker dumping Batista and Kane. Batista comes back in and eats a chair shot, leaving Brock to eliminate Undertaker for the win.

Rating: B. There was a REALLY bad dead spot in the middle and some of the choices were all over the place (Test, Jamal and Rikishi all getting over fourteen minutes while Los Guerreros, Edge and Mysterio were all afterthoughts) but the ending was the right call. The final four wasn’t a bad group at all and having Lesnar dump Undertaker to win is as good a move as they could have made.

There was VERY little build to this match and they did well enough with it while they could. It’s not a terrible Rumble but there are many better options. Fix the middle part and get rid of people at a faster clip and it’s a great one, but as it is it’s just pretty good. Then again, for this year that’s quite the compliment.

The big problem here though is how weak the midcard and lower card is. Maybe it’s just the way some of them were booked but aside from Lesnar, Undertaker and MAYBE Jericho, was anyone a real threat to win here? Having an obvious winner is fine but it would be nice to build up someone else as a possible winner.

Overall Rating: B-. The World Title matches cancel each other out and thankfully the Rumble is there to make up for a nothing lower card. Lesnar winning was the obvious ending here and that left the rest of the show to really carry things. Angle vs. Benoit is must see and Steiner vs. HHH may be as well if you’re into unintentional comedy. The rest of the show though…..egads there’s nothing to see there. It’s a perfectly good show but the problems are very big and the Rumble isn’t good enough to make it a classic.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D
2013 Redo: C+
2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C
2013 Redo: D
2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD
2013 Redo: D-
2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-
2013 Redo: H (For HHH)
2017 Redo: N (For Not HHH’s Fault)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A+
2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B
2013 Redo: B-
2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C-
2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

And the 2013 redo here:

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