Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2006 (2013 Redo): It Never Feels Right

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2006 (Original): Get The Eddie Chants Going

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler,

The main changes are Batista and Cena. They’ve more or less taken over the company as the biggest things in the world. Except for Batista because he’s out with an injury. Edge is the current reigning world champion though as he had more or less stolen the title at New Year’s Revolution. He’s got his rematch with Cena tonight. On the other side, Mark Henry is main eventing the show. I give up.

The other main issue is of course the death of Eddie Guerrero, which there’s been more than enough written about already. Other than that, there’s just not a lot going on here. This more or less is the first Rumble of what would be classified as the modern era, so let’s get to it.

The intro is just a recap of the major feuds. For some reason, Angle vs. Henry gets the most hype. Naturally they push Raw vs. Smackdown again. Edge is the Rated R Champion now. Lita’s stomach is the thing that dreams are made of. I’ve always wanted to say that. For reasons that no one will ever comprehend, the theme is Roman or something, which meant nothing and no one wanted to see. Stephanie in Roman clothing was nice though.

Cruiserweight Championship: Cruiserweight Open

This is the standard thing they were doing back in the day as they had completely given up on having any kind of storylines or flow to the division, so they just said screw it and threw everyone into one massive match where everyone is legal at once. In this, you have to be either the current Champion or a former champion. The participants are Kid Kash who is the champion, Paul London, Nunzio, Funaki, Gregory Helms and Jamie Noble.

London is wearing a gold mask for some reason that was never really explained. Helms is a surprise here. Oh geez there’s a Roman theme again where they have guys opening the door where people from out of the back from. It’s kind of like KOTR 96 for those of you that have seen that. Helms is from Raw here so he’s an outsider or something like that. Shockingly, the match is a huge mess to start as there are no tags or anything like that. Screw that order stuff.

London’s dropsault is stupid when it’s just one person but it’s cool when there’s two. It’s completely not effective but it looks good. Heck Rock won a bunch of world titles like that though so who cares? London looks like Tajiri for some reason. This is a pure spotfest here with nothing resembling flow or a story or anything like that, which makes sense I guess. At least they didn’t try as that would have been really stupid.

In a nice spot, Funaki whips Noble in and he launches a suicide dive through the ropes to take out two guys. You can tell a lot of these spots are preplanned but that’s fine as it’s working pretty well for what it’s supposed to be. With almost everyone else on the floor, London goes to the top rope and throws a shooting star press to the floor, more or less missing everyone and just slamming into the floor.

It looked PAINFUL and the fans give him a well deserved hokey smoke chant. In a cool spot that I haven’t seen before, London and Helms are on the top and Helms hits a swinging neckbreaker to get us back on the mat. It looked a lot better than it sounds.

For those of you that don’t know, Kash was a fairly big deal in ECW but other than that he’s been a minor player at best. The steps in the background are orange here so it looks like a bunch of empty seats. They get really fast in a hurry but it gets cut off too fast as Helms hits a Shining Wizard to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: B-. Now before everyone jumps on me, this isn’t the same kind of grade that I would give a normal match because this wasn’t supposed to be a standard match. This was designed to be completely insane and all spots to get the crowd awake and it worked fine. That’s the point of this and it did its job, so it gets a decent grade. There is no story to something like this and there shouldn’t be. Helms would hold the belt over a year.

Vince and Teddy long are around the Rumble drawing and Vince tells Long to leave. Naturally there are three hot women there. Orton and HHH come in and draw their numbers. Orton is happy and HHH hates his. Sex jokes abound as these two continue their eternal battle that never goes anywhere. Victoria looks incredible.

Trish is getting ready to be the referee. Mickie James says she loves her, and we have a lesbian stalker angle.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

For no apparent reason, this isn’t for the title as Trish is the referee and the champion here. They would have a decent match at Mania. This is back when Mickie was not only insane but also wore ridiculously awesome skirts. Ashley was one of the biggest flops in wrestling history as the winner of the Diva search who was just awful on a lot of levels. If nothing else we have Lillian, Mickie and Trish in the same ring. That’s not bad at all.

They have a headlock and actually go to the floor without breaking it up. That’s hard to do. Ashley can’t even lock up right. That’s almost sad. What’s sadder is that Joey has to say she’s a superstar. Oh yeah this was also when Mickie would scream her head off, which I’ve always liked for some reason. Ashley tried at least so I’ll give her that. The crowd is completely dead by the way. Mickie’s figure is flat out mesmerizing.

This is so odd to see someone with so much talent like James and someone with so little in Ashley. The thing here is that Mickie loves Trish but Trish trained Ashley. There are far too many bad submissions being done here to have a coherent match too. Ashley goes on offense and while it’s really bad, she’s trying. You can tell the different between someone that just doesn’t want to be there and Ashley, while bad, is trying.

However, her offense is either so limited or the fans like Mickie so much that they completely turn on her and boo her LOUDLY. Mickie powerbombs her out of the corner and Trish is really hesitant to count it, which is either part of the angle or then just giving up and saying let’s try to save some face here and just ending it early. Either of those would be believable to me.

Rating: C-. And that’s as generous as I can be. Ashley was bad here, but she was trying as hard as she could and I can easily respect that. Now later on when she just didn’t care, screw that. The fans turning on her like that annoyed me, but I can get what their point was. This was really just to set up Trish vs. Mickie, which is fine.

We see Helms at the WWE Interactive area, which means he’s chatting on WWE.com, which WCW had about 10 years prior to this.

More Rumble drawings with Rey and Big Show. It’s preceded by Vince checking the girls’ tattoos which is just annoying and stupid. In a funny bit, Show can’t get his hand in the tumbler to get a number out. Show is pleased and Rey is…oh screw it. They’re talking about Eddie again, which draws a huge chant and gives away the ending to the Rumble. Ok, before this comes up later, let’s just get it out of the way now.

The WWE needs to understand something. No wait, actually wrestling in general needs to understand something. When a wrestler dies unexpectedly, it doesn’t make them better. Eddie was indeed a very good if not great wrestler, but based on the things you hear about him now, you would think he was Ric Flair. He’s more about the level of Randy Orton or so. However, the undisputed champion of this is ECW with Louie Spicolli.

He was the epitome of an ok if not decent wrestler that was all of a sudden great after he died from a drug overdose. He simply was not as good as people made him out to be. For all of you ECW marks out there, show me ONE very good Spicolli match. It doesn’t even have to be great.

Show me one time where he had a great match. What was my point here? Oh yeah. Eddie was very good, but he only became considered great after dying. “KB you don’t know anything. He won the world title!” Yeah well this is 2 days after TLC and Sheamus is world champion so the belt really doesn’t prove all that much does it?

JBL vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is that JBL is terrified of Boogey. Oh and Boogey bit the “mole” off of Jillian’s face. She’s his assistant here or something like that. My goodness JBL has fallen far since winning the world title less than two years before this. It continues to amuse me when someone like Boogeyman is weighed in. And now I’m annoyed. I’ve never liked the Boogeyman character for one reason: he makes a mockery of wrestling.

Now yes, there’s a lot of stupid characters and while I tend to dislike the majority of them, when they can have a decent match, it’s almost acceptable. Boogeyman couldn’t do that, so when he does stuff like eat worms, then spit them up and spit them down into Jillian’s mouth, I have no use for him at all. It continues to have stupidity attached to it as we have to hear about how disgusted the announcers are.

Seriously, the Four Horsemen are in the same business as this guy. That’s just ridiculous. Thankfully, this lasts about a minute and a half, as after a stupid brawl where Boogey sells nothing at all, JBL misses a Clothesline and somehow slams into the post in a completely awful looking spot. A pumphandle slam ends it.

Rating: F-. This would usually be an N/A, but this was just a complete and utter waste of time. Seriously, why did this need to happen? I know it took less than 5 minutes, but really, there was NOTHING else we could have used that for? I hate gimmicks like these, I truly do.

Vince hits on the girls more and you can see they hate it. Shelton’s mama shows up. This was a freaking stupid gimmick where Shelton’s mom showed up to make sure he was taken care of. It was some comedienne that no one has ever heard of in a fat suit. You figure out how well it worked. Melina shows up and gets hit on too. Mama prevents him from hitting on her.

MNM, Joey Mercury and Johnny “Morrison” Nitro show up to draw as well. Both seem fairly middle of the road with their numbers. Melina says they’ll eliminate Shawn. We finish this long segment off with more Vince hitting on the girls. They eventually became a stable called Vince’s Devils. Yeah it went nowhere.

Before the Rumble starts, we have the Spirit Squad. Now for those of you that weren’t around for these guys, they were male cheerleaders that won the tag titles from Kane and Big Show. Amazingly everyone said the only one with talent was Kenny Dykstra. The one known as Nick became known as Dolph Ziggler. What does that tell you? Lillian is jaw dropingly hot here.

Royal Rumble

Lillian flubbing her lines is somehow sexy. How is that possible? HHH is number one and Rey is number two. Well you certainly can’t say they’re using no names to start us out. This is big match that’s never happened before. Oh the intervals are 90 seconds here. Oh here we go Rey is driving a lowrider. HEY, WE GET IT ABOUT EDDIE! I wouldn’t be so annoyed about it, but seriously, he brought up Eddie in the BATISTA feud.

Oh look he draped an Eddie shirt on the car. This is freaking ridiculous because it’s obvious Rey is going to win here for the sake of “honoring Eddie.” Rey’s entrance reaches Taker levels of time. He does the ten punches in the corner and looks up before he does it. This is freaking ridiculous and we’re just hitting number 3 which is Simon Dean. Cole, who is doing the commentary with Lawler, FREAKS because a Smackdown guy is attacking a Smackdown guy.

They team up and eliminate him easily. Have I mentioned that I hate the Bronco Buster? Psicosis of the Mexicools is 4th. They were a team of Mexican stereotypes who rode lawnmowers. I wish I was making that up. Rey counters a Razor’s Edge to put him out with ease again so we stay with those two guys. Number 5 is Flair of all people. He trips coming into the ring as Rey is down for no apparent reason.

Flair and HHH hammer on each other for awhile as I think HHH is a heel here. Oh yeah he would be. That was a stupid comment. He and Flair feuded over the IC belt of all things in some decent matches. You know for a guy that was allegedly the biggest ladies man ever, he used a lot of testicular claws. He’s gone soon after and we’re back at 2 people. Big Show is 6th so hopefully we get people in here for awhile.

He’s mad at HHH also, which is still going on today, which works as it’s been less than five years ago so a feud can easily go on that long. Naturally Show dominates here. With an eyeroll from me, Coach is number 7. Why did he always get spots in the Rumble? Show puts him out in about 30 seconds. Show demonstrates his intelligence by having HHH above his head twice and not even getting close to the ropes.

The announcers say that Coach might have set a record for shortest time in the Rumble. That’s so stupid I’m not even going to bother making fun of it. Lashley is 8th and they say he could be a dark horse. Can I get a rim shot? He’s a rookie phenomenon here, meaning that his career wouldn’t mean much since Vince refused to ever pull the trigger on him, even though he tried. In an impressive move, he gets a backdrop on Show as Kane, who is currently tag champions with Show, is 9th.

He and Lashley square off in a match of two guys that will never win a world title in WWE again. In a very impressive looking spot that wasn’t really that impressive, he hits the Dominator on Kane. Rey has been down WAY too long for no apparent reason. Sylvan, playing a gay character who doesn’t actually say he’s gay is 10th. He’s the fashion consultant or something. Yeah he’s gone in about 30 seconds.

Show and Kane hit a double chokeslam on Lashley and throw him out. So HHH and Rey are more or less just laying on the mat for about 5-6 minutes at a time which is again, stupid. HHH puts Kane and Big Show out, thus reaffirming his theory that he could out fight God if he had to.

Carlito is 11th, as other than the first two guys, no one has lasted 10 minutes yet. I really don’t like this theory of only having a few guys in there for the majority of the match. The Rumble should have about 6-7 guys in the ring for the majority of the match. It’s just right and it allows for things to not be too boring but also not too weak. Benoit is 12th as we’re picking up a bit.

He chops and suplexes the heck out of everyone just because he’s Chris Benoit and they’re not. Carlito gets a crossface for good measure as Benoit is freaking awesome. He and HHH fight over a suplex with Benoit on the apron which was cool looking if nothing else. The Canadian fights out of that and hits the headbutt on HHH so Carlito can get back up. Booker is 13th and the US Champion at the moment.

He’s wearing long tights which looks odd indeed. He would become king in a few months. Yep Booker is gone already, naturally by Benoit as those two were eternally joined at the hip for some reason. Apparently 20 minutes or so is a long time now. So the most we’ve had is what, 5 people I believe?

Mercury of MNM is 14th and since he brings Melina with him, he’s awesome. I love the way they carried the belts as they hung them from their pants so they swung between their legs. It’s original if nothing else. Mercury really is underrated in the ring. He’s a lot better than people realize. Cole brags about setting ratings records on UPN. That’s just hilarious. Tatanka is 15th to ZERO reaction.

He returned for a few months and no one, I mean NO ONE cared at all. His offense has somehow gotten even more generic if that’s possible which I didn’t think it was. The fans do the Florida St. Seminole chant to try to validate his entrance. Nitro is 16th. More commonly known as John Morrison if you’re not familiar. Tatanka beats on him, which somehow validated Matt Hardy and Tatanka vs. MNM on PPV in a non title match. You read that right.

The fans chant Eddie to just tick me off even more. Only Vince would manage to use death to push storylines. Trevor Murdoch is 17th. To recap we have HHH, Rey, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch and for some reason Tatanka. Cole takes a lull to mention that Rey is dedicating this match to Eddie. Eugene is 18th, and is booed out of the freaking building. He’s a classic case of a comedy character being used badly.

Rey hurts him to get a solid pop. For the love of goodness Animal of the LOD is 19th. Seriously, who picked these people? Oh apparently the new LOD are the long time rivals of MNM. You know, the team that’s been around for a few months. There are WAY too many people in there right now. RVD is 20th to a HUGE pop. Thankfully for the first time in history the company listened to the pop and made him world champion in June before he smoked his way out of the main event.

Oh yeah this was the summer that ECW returned. He cleans house of course. MNM is doing the Demolition thing of teaming up on everyone which is smart. Animal is out thank goodness. Orlando Jordan is 21st and I somehow manage to lose even more interest in this match. There are FAR too many people in the ring at the moment. Chavo is 22nd. Ok, him I have no problem with doing the pointing thing. There’s your difference between Chavo and Rey.

Chavo won a match with JBL on the Eddie tribute show, pointed to the sky a few times, and started using the frog splash. He’s mentioned Eddie a few times over the years, but for the most part he’s just said that he’s a Guerrero which he would have been no matter what. He had one angle with Rey over the Guerrero name, which made sense when you thought about it. That’s perfectly fine.

Then you have Rey, who used the splash, drove a lowrider, blew one up, pointed to the sky and dedicated about a year’s worth of matches to Eddie, using him as an angle and getting the world title because of it. He still mentions Eddie for storylines 4 years after Eddie passed away. There’s paying homage then there’s just being freaking ridiculous. What does Chavo get for being more humble about it? He lasts a minute here while Rey lasts an hour.

Of course Chavo shouldn’t have won or been in the last group or anything, but would 10-15 minutes have killed anyone? Seriously, Tatanka can get a long time but Chavo can’t? Matt Hardy is 23rd. There’s like 12 people in there right now and it’s absurd. You can’t see a thing in there at the moment either. Tatanka FINALLY goes out as Super Crazy is 24th. What is the point of half these guys being in here?

Shawn is 25th to a nice pop. He gets pyro when he comes out which is odd in a Rumble match. He ends Murdoch to thin the ranks out a bit. Chris Masters, who is more or less a newcomer at this point, somehow gets pyro also at 26th. I’m not even bothering to try to tell who all is in there at this point. Nothing of note is happening anyway. Viscera, currently the world’s largest love machine is 27th.

He puts out the far more talented Matt Hardy, but not before giving him the Visagra, which is where the other guy is on his stomach and Viscera gets on top of them and gyrates his hips. Yeah it’s worse than it sounds. Shelton is in next along with his mother. This is somehow stupider than I thought it was going to be. Eugene is gone, leaving a huge pool of sweat on the mat beneath him.

They’re really speeding up the intervals here to get through this. Goldust, who is returning for like the 12th time is 29th. That leaves Orton as number 30. Rey puts Crazy out as Orton comes out last. Ok, so your final group is Rey, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Shawn, Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Yeah that’s not too many people at all. Screw the sarcasm. YES IT’S TOO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE!

Geez do you think 14, or just under half of the people being left at the end is enough? Why don’t we just get rid of the whole unique aspect of the freaking match and make it a regular battle royal like the classic World War 3 series that WCW used to do? Those things went great didn’t they? Dang it Vince how hard is it to book a freaking Rumble? You have about 7-8 guys in at the end, 5-6 of them are big names and two or three jobbers.

Three are legit contenders, three are dark horses, and two are jobbers. There, that took 8 seconds to come up with. Orton puts Benoit out which Cole says is a rematch from Summerslam two years ago. More like a year and a half but who cares about facts? Carlito and Masters put out Viscera and then Carlito throws out Masters. Goldust takes forever to set up Shattered Dreams but at least manages to kick that turnbuckle really well.

RVD puts him out just before Orton puts out Jordan. Shawn and HHH go at it to keep the balance of the universe in order. Shawn puts out both of MNM within 5 seconds of each other to further kill the tag division which HHH and Shawn are the current champions of as of this being written. Sweet Chin Music puts out Shelton as Shawn is on a roll. Vince’s music hits as he and Shawn were feuding at the moment. He distracts Shawn so Shane can put Shawn out.

That leaves us with Rey, HHH, Carlito, Orton and RVD. Well I’m glad they took their time getting rid of the people. Shawn goes after Shane but HHH stops him but gets chin music. HBK chases the McMahons out because he’s a face and they’re heels. Van Dam puts Carlito out to give us our final four of Rey, HHH, Orton and RVD. RVD was returning so he wasn’t going to win.

HHH and Orton were possible and Rey was the clear winner so there we go. They split off with HHH vs. Rey and Orton vs. RVD. The faces hit some nice double team stuff to hurt the heels. Van Dam shows how stupid he is by going for a Five Star and gets put out. Orton and HHH get together for no apparent reason other than to beat up a guy that’s 5’5. However, Rey is empowered by the memories of a guy that he feuded with so he takes them both down.

Orton fights HHH. In other news, the sky is blue. Rey puts out HHH and it’s officially inevitable. Rey gets beaten up by HHH to just further make us take note of how awesome Rey is. Orton acts cocky and yeah Mysterio is going to Mania. Orton would get in and make it a triple threat where Rey would win the title and of course, dedicate it to Eddie since that’s all he’s allowed to do.

Rating: D. Eddie oversaturation aside, this Rumble sucked and it sucked hard. The booking was way off here as there were far too few guys in the ring at first and far too few in the end. The Rey thing annoys the heck out of me as people like to say RIP Eddie, yet they have zero problem with his history being exploited for the sake of bad storylines. Rey was passable as champion, but let him get there on his own and not because a guy died. That’s just stupid.

Other than that, WAY too many jobbers and fillers in there, which kind of reflects on the company as a whole. Seriously, why did Booker and Lashley stay in there for just a bit? To be fair, Booker was hurt so that might explain it. Either way, this match was awful in a lot of ways and I hated it quite a bit.

Rey is happy with his win.

We recap Cena vs. Edge, which was a result of the first cashing in of the Money in the Bank in a truly shocking moment. This was a huge thing as Cena was completely dominant and everyone was TICKED when he held the title again after the Elimination Chamber.

But when Vince’s music went on, everyone knew what was coming and it was awesome. Naturally Cena insisted on a rematch and talked about respect and having the title mean a lot to him. This was also the reign with the live sex celebration that apparently made Edge’s career better than Taker’s.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

So the scaffolds from the ceiling begin to lower. Smoke and lights and pyro go off. Styles says it looks like a spaceship. Yep, Cena is getting a special entrance that of course looks awesome. More or less his feet are where the top of his head would be if he was walking normally. Yeah there’s nothing at all that’s being implied about who wins here at all. Lita of course looks completely amazing. If nothing else I’ve heard Edge’s theme live so that’s cool.

For the love of all things good and holy, change the spinner belt. The W is spun almost halfway around and it just looks stupid. It starts off with their standard stuff which is traditionally good. Cena starts off in control but thanks to Lita Edge hits a spear into the steps, which more or less proves that he desperately needs a new finisher. We go into the crowd for just a bit but it goes nowhere. Cena dives in to beat the ten count which if nothing else looked cool.

Edge goes old school with his spinning heel kick. Why is Joey Styles the only commentator that mentions the referee’s names consistently? Cena can sell really well if nothing else. Good night Lita’s chest is amazing. The announcers get into an interesting argument: who is the better technical wrestler? That’s a most interesting question that’s going to get a thread soon. Edge’s facials remain awesome as ever. The crowd is fairly loudly booing John here.

Edge chokes Cena so of course despite being put in a hold that should kill him or would end any MMA fight, he gets up with ease. Both guys are down so we get another few shots of Lita’s chest to fill time. Following some botched interference from the hot chick, the FU and STFU give Cena the belt again. That was abrupt.

Rating: B. Eh, this was what it was. Cena and Edge work together just fine so their matches are almost always passable. Edge was more or less given the title as a test run and that’s fine. He got his name in there and that’s what counts. Cena was definitely the right choice to have the belt going into Mania so I have no issues with the booking here. The match was fine and it came off well. It’s nothing great but it’s fine for a title change that goes 15 minutes.

In case you were wondering, Rey is still happy that he won.

We do a very quick, as in about 10 second long recap of Angle vs. Henry, which consists of Henry breaking the ankle lock, which had been done by about 15 people up to this point, but it’s impressive here because of POWER. Angle was a transitional champion if there ever was one.

He took over when Batista got hurt (shocking isn’t it?) so he’s held the title less than three weeks at this point. Angle does his usual solid promo and then comes back to tell Henry he sucks. That’s what makes Angle better than most. He would head to TNA later in the year and be a huge coup for TNA.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

So Daivari used to hang out with Angle but he dumped him for Henry for no apparent reason. Soon after this Khali would show up. Yeah Angle is introduced as the new World Heavyweight Champion here. That’s the beauty of having guys like Angle or Shawn on your roster.

If something like an injury happens, you can throw the title on them for a quick fix and because they hang around the upper midcard with occasional main event matches, it’s perfectly believable to put the belt on them and no one really had a problem with Angle as champion. We get a fairly long feeling out period, but Henry catches Angle in position for the World’s Strongest Slam. Naturally though instead of slamming him though, he throws him to the floor.

More or less Henry beats the tar out of Angle for awhile as you would expect. Good night Henry you’ve been in the company ten years at this point. Don’t you think it’s time you learned some new offense? I mean really, we know you can slam, club, punch and squeeze. LEARN ANYTHING NEW. Angle gets a bad German, but to be fair, look what he’s working with. Angle Slam gets two. Henry powers out of the ankle lock using the same counter that everyone else uses to knock the referee down.

Angle gets a bad chair shot to Daivari and takes it into the ring. The chair is bent which always looks cool. Angle goes Hogan and cheats but remains a face. Two decent chair shots put Henry down but the fans are more or less dead here. They of course get two which gets a decent pop. I really don’t get the point of the chairs this early in the match. Angle pulls the turnbuckle pad off the middle turnbuckle and sends Henry’s head into it on a reversal for the pin. Really? That’s the best you’ve got?

Rating: D-. I have no freaking clue what they were going for here, but it was just an epic failure. Henry had no business being in there but he came off looking like a far bigger face than Angle did. It was really short, and I have no idea what the point was of this main eventing the show. Oh wait. Now I get it.

A gong goes off and the lights go purple. Ok, Taker has druids and a horse drawn chariot. That makes up for the main event. He signals that he wants the belt and sets off lightning. The ropes fall to the ground and the ring collapses as Angle holds the belt to his chest as we go off the air. Ok, that was freaking cool.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a very lackluster show. I know a lot of people will love the Eddie tributes etc. but I HATED them. One or two points to the sky and some frog splashes are just fine but seriously, giving the Rumble and ultimately the world title to a guy over Eddie? That’s WAY too much. Other than that, there’s just nothing special here at all. Edge and Cena is pretty easily the match of the night.

This show really was more about setting up for the future though, as Cena had to get the belt back and Angle had to get set up with Taker, which they managed to accomplish both. This really started setting the table for Mania, so that’s fine, but the show just wasn’t that interesting. Not recommended at all really, although some people might like it.




Smackdown – August 18, 2006: How Bamboozling

Smackdown
Date: August 18, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and that means it’s time to take one of the biggest matches from that show and move it here. This time around it’s Great Khali vs. Undertaker in a Last Man Standing match, as Khali might not be trustworthy to put in the ring on live television for more than about two minutes flat. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Undertaker vs. Great Khali, which does not exactly scream all time great and original feud.

Opening sequence.

Batista vs. Sylvan

Batista is the hometown boy and finishes with his namesake Bomb in less than a minute.

Video on the Diva Search finals from earlier this week in New York City, where Layla won. Given that she clearly had more charisma than anyone else in the competition, this shouldn’t be surprising.

MVP, surrounded by a group of women, are watching from a sky box.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Sylvester Terkay

Terkay has Elijah Burke with him and sends Scotty to the apron to start. A big boot knocks Scotty to the floor and Burke throws him back inside. Back in and Terkay grabs a standing head and arm choke, setting up a belly to belly. Hold on though as we need to pause for some water for Terkay. It seems to help as a Muscle Buster finishes Scotty.

Rating: C-. I’m never sure what to say about something like this as Terkay looked like a monster, though the match itself was a complete squash. Terkay is looking like a monster, though he isn’t the most charismatic guy in the world. Hopefully Burke can help move that forward and they are off to a pretty decent start.

We get a video on the history between Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero, at least the good part of it.

Paul London and Brian Kendrick love the idea of competition but get jumped by KC James and Idol Stevens, the team who beat them last week.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Tatanka

Kennedy talks trash to start (duh) so Tatanka starts cranking on the arm. Said arm is sent into the corner and a chop puts Kennedy on the floor. Back in and Tatanka takes out the knee, followed by a hard clothesline. Kennedy is back up with some stomps in the corner before working on Tatanka’s leg, complete with mocking the war cry like a real villain. Tatanka fights up and sends him into the corner, followed by a clothesline but the knee gives out. The Papoose To Go is loaded up but Kennedy rakes the eyes for the break and rolls him up with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. Tatanka continues to be one of the least interesting people in WWE but at least he isn’t winning anything of note. Kennedy continues to gain some momentum, which he is going to need after that long hiatus completely derailed everything. If he can step it up in the ring, they have a potential breakout star on their hands.

Video on Chavo Guerrero’s relationship with Eddie.

Vickie Guerrero begs Teddy Long to cancel Chavo vs. Rey at Summerslam but Teddy can’t do it.

Great Khali vs. Undertaker

Last Man Standing and Khali has Daivari in his corner. Khali chokes him into the corner to start and hits a clothesline (with an awkward camera cut, likely the first of several in this match). Undertaker strikes away but gets kicked out to the floor, with Khali sending him into the steps. Some right hands from the floor rock Khali though and a Stunner over the ropes make it worse.

There’s the apron legdrop into a triangle choke (from the side) but Undertaker lets go with Khali still moving. Daivari’s chair shot just annoys Undertaker, who stalks Daivari to the stage. Khali follows and the distraction lets Daivari hit a low blow. Undertaker fights out of a chokeslam but has to boot Daivari down, allowing Khali to throw Undertaker off the stage. That’s good for a nine and we take a break.

Back with Khali beating on Undertaker near the stage before taking it inside again. Khali strikes away and ties his arms in the ropes, setting up the big chop to knock Undertaker silly. Granted it takes a bit to get his arms out of the ropes so the count can begin, but Undertaker sits up at nine anyway. A running clothesline puts Khali on the floor, where he whips Undertaker into the steps.

Back in again and Undertaker hits him in the face with the steps, followed by a chair to the back to drive Khali face first into the steps. Khali is busted open and another chair shot knocks him down again. Undertaker starts going after the knee and some chairs to the head sets up the chokeslam (there’s that edit again) and Khali is done.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t great or even very good by any means, but this could have been miles worse. Granted I’m sure there was a ton of editing to make it work as well as it did, but they could have done far worse. Undertaker winning in the end was the right move as Khali got his big win at Judgment Day and will be fine going forward. Plus it completes the same formula from the Giant Gonzalez feud in 1993.

Boogeyman is back and JBL panics.

Summerslam rundown.

Vito vs. Scott Fowler

Vito puts the dress over Fowler’s head to start, dances, and drops a leg. The headlock on the mat goes on, followed by Vito flipping the dress up and down. JBL screams and it’s the Implant DDT into the armbar for the win. JBL: “AND THE LOSER IS ME!!! HIS NIPPLES ARE SHOWING!!!”

US Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finlay

Finlay is defending. Feeling out process to start with Lashley backing him into the ropes and knocking the champ out to the floor. Back in and Lashley hammers away but Finlay claims a poke to the eye. That’s just faking of course, allowing Finlay to hammer away. Lashley can’t see but he’s fine enough to hit a gorilla press gutbuster for two. Cue William Regal to ringside for a distraction, allowing Finlay to post Lashley and we take a break.

Back with Finlay holding a chinlock and then posting Lashley again. Finlay works on an armbar but Lashley powers up and hits a belly to belly. The one armed delayed vertical suplex (JBL: “Haven’t seen that since Rick Rude.”) but Regal gets up for a distraction. Cue the Leprechaun so Finlay picks him up, only to have Lashley spear them both down (JBL: “YOU CAN’T SPEAR A LEPRECHAUN!”). The running powerslam hits Lashley but Regal pulls the referee for the DQ.

Rating: C. They were getting to the next level by the end and there was so much going on that you felt they could do a title change. I get why they didn’t want to go there with the ending though and odds are we get the big blowoff match between some combination of these three on a special Smackdown. Lashley needs something else to do though and I don’t think the US Title is going to mean much to him at this point. He’s in a weird place where he needs to move up but there isn’t much room for him with Batista back.

Lashley cleans house post match.

Here are King Booker and Queen Sharmell in the throne on the ring for the big close. Booker knows that Batista is coming for the title that he lost when he forfeited the title due to a small injury. Batista has no heart, passion or intestinal fortitude though, nor does he have any idea what King Booker is all about. Batista has BAMBOOZLED you people and now he has run amuck.

Now Booker has to beat Batista to a pulp, but there is an option B, which Batista can find out if he comes to the ring right now. Cue Batista, with Booker saying that option B is Batista kneel down and kiss the royal feet. Booker even has a royal foot pillow for the occasion. The shoe comes off and Batista leans forward before stepping on the bare toes. Batista puts on the robe to end the show. This was perfectly acceptable for a quick final push toward the World Title match.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a weird one as they had a Summerslam level match on the Summerslam go home show, but they also did their usual lower card drek along with the Summerslam push. What we got here wasn’t the worst, but it was a strange mixture of a lot of things. As usual, the top level stuff is good enough, but the stuff underneath is just hard to sit through most weeks. It’s not an awful show and Summerslam looks ok enough. The problem is that was the case coming into this show and much like Raw, it didn’t make me want to see the pay per view any more than I already did.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Wrestlemania XXXVII, XXXVIII and XXXIX Announced, Fans Allowed At This Year’s Show

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/breaking-wwe-announces-next-three-wrestlemania-dates/

 

This year’s show has been moved to Tampa over two nights (April 10/11), next year is back in Dallas and the following year is in Los Angeles.  The wife and I are already planning to head to Tampa and Dallas next year.  I love the kid in a candy store feeling of this day each year.

 

Anyone else going to any of them?




ECW on Sci Fi – August 15, 2006: Not Indicative Of Their Future Endeavors

ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 15, 2006
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and that means we need a title match set. In this case that is likely to mean something involving Sabu, Kurt Angle and Rob Van Dam, the latter of whom returned last week to interfere and break up a #1 contenders match between the others. Other than that, expect the ECW Originals to look really pathetic. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Van Dam returning last week and taking out Sabu and Angle.

Paul Heyman, with Big Show, announces that Angle has suffered a torn groin muscle and will not be wrestling in tonight’s triple threat #1 contenders ladder match. Instead it will be Sabu vs. Van Dam and it will be EXTREME. And that, unless he has an interview or pre-taped segment, is the last we’ll see of Angle in WWE for over ten years.

Opening sequence.

Here is Mick Foley as our designated guest star of the week. Foley talks about Ric Flair being invited to come here tonight but Flair seems to have turned down the offer. With Flair not here, Foley has the chance to talk about Flair’s accusations that Foley was nothing until he fell off the Cell. Foley remembers it differently, because he was thrown off and put on a stretcher but he wasn’t quitting because he would have thought less of himself.

What Flair has never understood, Foley’s career is built around being able to look in the mirror. Foley is doing that on Monday morning and as busted open as he will be, he is going to like what he sees. Foley may be a bestselling author, but the words I-Q-U-I-T are not in his vocabulary. Since there is no Flair here though, Foley has some guests tonight.

First up is Kelly Kelly, followed by Melina. It’s time to do something Foley has never done before: a three way dance! This goes as well as you would expect, including Flair running in to go after Foley and send him into the steps. Foley is bleeding from his mouth as Flair chokes him with his belt. Flair swears the Foley will quit at Summerslam before walking away. They were both feeling it here.

Shannon Moore tells us to question authority.

CM Punk vs. Justin Credible

Credible actually gets an inset promo, promising to prove that Punk’s debut win was just a fluke. The fans are WAY into Punk and he strikes Credible down in a hurry to start. A running clothesline in the corner connects, followed by a running knee. Credible counters a spinning high crossbody into a gutbuster but Punk slips out of a suplex. The running knee in the corner sets up the Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice for the pin. This would be it for Credible, as the Originals lose another, meaning nothing is really going to change.

Video on Rob Van Dam.

Rob Van Dam is sitting on a ladder, where he talks about wanting the ECW Title back. Nothing is going to stop him, no matter how homicidal, suicidal or genocidal. Then he’s going on to Summerslam to take the ECW Title from Big Show.

Rene Dupree says he’s a beautiful man, but now he is going to prove that he’s hardcore.

FBI vs. Mike Knox/Test

Kelly Kelly is here with the non-Italians. Knox takes Nunzio into the corner and slams him down without much effort. The stomping is on and it’s off to Test for a backbreaker into a side slam. Mamaluke comes in so Test kicks Guido in the face and TKOs Mamaluke for the pin. Total squash.

Post match Tommy Dreamer and Sandman run in to clear the ring. Knox hides behind Kelly that’s what he does.

Video on Sabu.

Sabu is ready for Big Show and will sacrifice anything to win.

Heyman is giving Big Show a pep talk when Kurt Angle runs in to go after both of them. Security takes him down and Angle is handcuffed and arrested. Show wants to press charges. So I’m guessing that’s it for him.

Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam

Ladder match with the winner facing Big Show for the title on Sunday. Sabu doesn’t look thrilled with the fans grabbing at him on the way in but he dives at Van Dam’s leg to start. We get a wide shot of the contract and the lights in the arena are really low despite a decent crowd. Either they’re focusing on the ring more so than usual or no one showed up for ECW. Rob kicks away but gets crotched on top.

In something that makes sense for Van Dam, he tried to jump from the top to grab the contract. It doesn’t work of course, but points for trying something different. Sabu clotheslines him to the floor but Rob is right back with a baseball slide to drive the ladder into his face. Back from a break with Sabu sending him face first into the ladder and driving him into the ladder again with the Arabian facebuster. Rob shoves the ladder over though and then drops Sabu onto it, setting up the spinning legdrop.

The ladder is monkey flipped onto Sabu to put them both down but Rolling Thunder only hits ladder. There’s the Triple Jump Moonsault but the Atomic Arabian Facebuster only hits ladder. Rob gets pulled off the ladder but he kicks Sabu down and hits a quick Five Star. That means Van Dam can go up but here’s Big Show to put him through a table. Show orders the contract down so Sabu dives onto show and pulls it down for the win.

Rating: C. The ending wasn’t exactly in doubt here as they had built up Sabu for weeks, but Van Dam is the kind of person who could get into a major title match at the drop of a hat. They also did a nice job of throwing in a fresh ending, which is so rare in a ladder match. It was smart to put Sabu in a match like this to protect him and I’d assume that is going to be the same on Sunday.

Show destroys Sabu again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a bit better show than in recent weeks, mainly because one of the ECW people actually won something for a change. You can see the writing on the wall (it’s in REALLY big letters) around here though as ECW is going under in a hurry. Van Dam, Sabu and maybe Dreamer are about all the original brand has to offer and I’m not sure how much longer they are going to matter anyway. Not a terrible show here, but that feels like a rarity instead of a good sign for the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Hard To Kill 2021 Preview

We’re back with another Impact pay per view, even though the point seems to be to make another company’s World Champion look good. This time around the focal point is the invading Kenny Omega, will will team with the Good Brothers against Impact World Champion Rich Swann, Chris Sabin and Moose, after Alex Shelley was forced out of the show for unclear reasons. The rest of the card looks ok so let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Brian Myers vs. Josh Alexander

This was thrown in this week on Impact since every pay per view needs a pre-show match these days. Myers beat Alexander via DQ and bragged about it so we’re having this for the sake of shutting him up. I’m not sure what Impact sees in Myers but there are far worse places he could be than in the pre-show match. Alexander is going to need a boost soon so we could have something going here.

I’m going to take Alexander here as there is no reason for this to drag on for another match. As much as he has been featured, Myers isn’t being pushed to the moon so they aren’t likely to give him anything here. The match will likely be on about the same level as a regular TV match and that’s all it needs to be given where they are here. It probably didn’t need to be here, but Alexander can get your attention well enough.

Eric Young/Deaner/Joe Doering vs. Tommy Dreamer/Rhino/Cousin Jake

It isn’t a good sign when my first reaction to a match is “at least they’re keeping it all here” but that’s about as good as I can go with this. We have Dreamer being Dreamer, the epic Deaners split, Doering (he was big in Japan, right up there with Jesse and the Rippers) and Young as some kind of mastermind because this company loves him very much. It’s also Old School rules, because they can’t say Extreme and Dreamer can’t do much else.

I’ll go with Young and company as for some reason this seems to be one of the upcoming big things. Young is tolerable enough in some spots, though the love affair with Doering isn’t exactly doing much for me. Adding in the turned Deaner isn’t going to make things better, but if they can keep all of this stuff crammed into one match, it could be a lot worse than what we’re getting.

Eddie Edwards vs. Sami Callihan

This feud MUST continue and this time it’s Barbed Wire Massacre because when you think Edwards, you need something like this thrown in. I know this is viewed as some legendary rivalry but it feels like they are just warming it up because neither has anything to do. Edwards is able to carry almost anything to at least watchable, but as soon as I heard the barbed wire deal, I could hear Josh Matthews with his machine gun delivery taking away any impact it might have.

Give me Callihan to win, likely thanks to Ken Shamrock because we need another evil alliance to triumph. Shamrock and Callihan are somewhat intriguing, but I don’t need a Barbed Wire Massacre to make it work. The match should be good enough and odds are Alisha will get involved, but I’ve been over this feud for a good while now because it ran out of steam years ago.

Ethan Page vs. Karate Man

We continue with the “why is this a thing” section, but in this case Page has so much charisma that he can manage to face himself and make it work. I’m going to assume this is a cinematic match and Page’s way out of the promotion, but you never know with something like this. The Karate Man stuff alone is always worth a look, but I’m almost scared of what to see here.

Since they’re facing each other, I’ll go with Karate Man to win and get rid of Page once and for all, which should make your head spin at least a little bit. There is a chance that we could be in for some good jokes here and under the right circumstances, this could be one of the best things on the entire show. Page is awesome at his goofy stuff, and hopefully he gets to showcase himself well on the way out.

X-Division Title: Manik(c) vs. Chris Bey vs. Rohit Raju

This is part of one of those stories that works out well almost every time because it’s a classic. Bey and Raju are convinced that Manik is TJP (because Manik is TJP) but can’t beat him or prove it, meaning their frustration factor has increased about 17 fold. Now it’s a free for all for the title, which opens up a few interesting doors as they could go in a few different directions.

I think they’ll play it safe here and have Manik retain the title because there are more places to go with something like this. Manik is someone who can have a good match with anyone and Bey is one of the better young stars around here. Raju has been rather nice as well lately, so we could be in for something good. This might be the match with the most promise on the whole show and I can’t say I’m surprised.

Knockouts Tag Team Titles: Nevaeh/Havok vs. Kiera Hogan/Tasha Steelz

Who would have thought that a tournament for the vacant titles would come down to two of the only regular teams who happened to be feuding for weeks before the tournament started? Hogan and Steelz have done a nice job of being the most annoying heels imaginable, which made Havok and Nevaeh grabbing them by their throats that much better. This was almost a guarantee for the final, so at least they’re doing the logical thing.

I’ll take Havok and Nevaeh to win here as you need some faces to win on this show. It isn’t the most intriguing match on the show but it was the only way to go to get to the tournament finals. I’m not sure how far these titles can go as WWE hasn’t been able to make theirs work for years now. The match will be the same thing that we’ve seen several times between them now but….yay belts?

Rosemary/Crazzy Steve vs. Tenille Dashwood/Kaleb With A K

This seems to have been added near the last minute and I’m still trying to make myself care about Dashwood. The Instagram deal is fine, but it feels like something you would see at a tiny independent promotion because it’s that easy of a story. There is no doubt that the talent is there, but for some reason it isn’t clicking. You can only get so far with something like this though and I think we’ve reached her current limit.

I don’t see a reason for Kaleb With A K and Dashwood to win here, even though they need it a lot more. Rosemary seems to be building up something with Susan, so unless she interferes and costs them the match, I don’t see a reason to have Rosemary and Steve lose here. The match itself should be another TV level match, which is quite the trend for most of this show.

Knockouts Title: Deonna Purrazzo(c) vs. Taya Valkyrie

The Knockouts singles division has done well enough for itself in recent months and Purrazzo is awesome as the technical wizard champion. Valkyrie is almost the old guard in a way, despite her title reign not even feeling all that long ago. While her big reign is over, Valkyrie can go in the ring with anyone and Purrazzo is one of the best things going in the company today.

Purrazzo being one of the best things going today is more than enough to keep the title on her here. Beating Valkyrie is more along the lines of beating a challenger of the month, but she just happens to be a really successful challenger of the month. It means something to beat her though and Purrazzo can continue her reign with another rather nice win added to her list.

Kenny Omega/Good Brothers vs. Rich Swann/Chris Sabin/Moose

This whole invasion (if that’s what you call Omega and Omega alone showing up from AEW) is making me think of Lando Calrissian saying “this deal is getting worse all the time”. So far, the highlight of the feud for Impact is their World Champion escaping with a pin over their Tag Team Champion. Omega and Don Callis have been treated as stars who are gracing Impact with their presence. I know it gives Impact exposure, but this is feeling more like New Japan coming to Ring of Honor every day (and that’s not a good thing).

Of course Omega and the Good Brothers win here, because why would they lose here? I know this is probably heading towards Omega taking the Impact World Title, as that is the best way to continue making Impact look like they don’t compare to AEW in any way. Yes AEW is more important and Omega is a bigger star, but sweet goodness could Impact look much worse so far?

Overall Thoughts

This show looks pretty dreadful on paper as there is nothing of note to look forward to. I’m sure some of the matches will work as Impact tends to shine when they just go to the ring and focus on the wrestling, but nothing on here really jumps out. Hopefully the show winds up working, because this feels like they have almost no reason to do this show other than they have to. It will likely be good enough, but they need to work on spicing things up.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown – January 15, 2021: Unlike Raw

Smackdown
Date: January 15, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

We’re well on the way to the Royal Rumble and that means things are getting all the more interesting day by day. Last week took a surprise turn as Roman Reigns helped Adam Pearce become the new #1 contender to Reigns’ Universal Title. There is a good chance that the spot could go to someone else, but Pearce getting the match wouldn’t stun me either. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Roman Reigns destroying Kevin Owens and making Adam Pearce #1 contender by attacking Shinsuke Nakamura.

Reigns is reading the contract for the Royal Rumble match but doesn’t seem happy. Paul Heyman says it’s the same contract Reigns always signs with a different name. Reigns still isn’t pleased, so Heyman suggests adding a stipulation. That seems to work for Reigns, who hands Heyman the contract to solve. Reigns glares a lot.

Here’s Jey Uso for a chat. He says this is the Bloodline Show because his family runs this show. Adam Pearce needs to be careful or he is going to find out the hard way at the Royal Rumble. Everyone in the back should be thanking Roman for everything from the towels to the food at catering to the millions of people watching every week. Now it’s time to expand, with Jey entering the Royal and planning to go to Raw and become the new WWE Champion at Wrestlemania.

Now people are talking about Shinsuke Nakamura’s performance last week, when Nakamura beat everyone in front of him….until the Bloodline cut him off. Nakamura should be thanking them because they kept Nakamura alive. So now Nakamura wants to fight? Come on now and get ready to leave on a stretcher. Cue Nakamura (with the non-lyric music again) to say if Reigns is the big dog, that makes Uso his little puppy. Nakamura kicks him in the head and bows.

Jey Uso vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

They strike it out to start with Nakamura snapmaring him down and grabbing a headlock. Back up and Uso gets in a shot to the face, followed by a kick to the head to rock Nakamura again. Nakamura comes back and grabs a chinlock….as Cesaro comes down. Uso gets knocked outside and sent into the announcers’ table as we take a break.

Back with Cesaro on commentary as Jey sends Nakamura back inside. Uso stomps away as Cesaro talks about coming out for the save last week after the show was over. The running Umaga attack hits in the corner but Nakamura kicks him down. The knee to the rib puts Uso down again and Nakamura hits the sliding German suplex out of the corner.

Uso is right back with a Samoan drop and a neckbreaker gets two more. Nakamura kicks him away again and hits the middle rope knee for his own two. Kinshasa is blocked with a superkick but the Superfly Splash hits knees. A charge hits post so Uso grabs a rollup with his feet on the rope but gets caught at two (I bought that as the finish). Uso yells at the referee and gets Kinshased for the pin at 12:22.

Rating: B-. These two went back and forth here and they had a good one as a result. The best thing about it was I didn’t know who was going to win until the finish, which is not something you would usually expect from Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jey Uso. It shows you how far Jey has come, but also how far Nakamura has fallen. Hopefully that can be corrected a bit in the weeks to come, but you never can tell with Nakamura.

Cesaro poses with Nakamura post match.

Sonya Deville goes over the contract with Adam Pearce when Heyman comes in with his own contract. Heyman talks about the opportunity that Pearce has and even says that the stipulations are in Pearce’s favor. If Pearce signs, the match can be No Disqualification. Pearce doesn’t buy the sales pitch but signs anyway, telling Heyman to have Reigns sign as well.

Uso yells at Charles Robinson for messing up the count and threatens him for not doing his job.

The Street Profits are not happy with their loss last week but they are certainly not scared. They held some kind of Tag Team Title for 312 days and they are not going to insult the team that took the titles from him. We hear some of the nicknames they have for Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode, such as RuDolph and Entertainment Dysfunction, but now they are called champions. The rematch is coming.

Heyman is back in Reigns’ dressing room (with Apollo Crews as well) and isn’t interested in a No DQ match. Instead, he wants a Last Man Standing match. Reigns says then he’ll consider this handled and then starts talking to Crews.

Commentary is confused by Reigns and Crews being friends too.

We recap King Corbin attacking the Mysterios.

Natalya vs. Liv Morgan

Tamina is with Natalya and Billie Kay, in punk rock (I guess?) gear is here with the Riott Squad to sit in on commentary. Morgan sends her into the corner as Kay gives a history of her “mosh pishing”. Natalya gets frustrated and hammers Morgan down into the corner so she can shout about this not being a joke. A small package gives Morgan two but Natalya is back with an over the shoulder backbreaker.

That’s broken up and an enziguri sends Natalya into the corner, setting up some stomping. This also lets commentary bicker about what it means to call Natalya the BOAT, because that’s still a thing. Morgan kicks out of the Sharpshooter and hits the Codebreaker for two. Kay goes over to yell at Tamina and even gets in the ring, with the distraction allowing Natalya to grab a rollup for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: D. This is rapidly becoming one of the dumbest stories on either show at the moment with Kay being annoying as well as causing us to have to watch more Natalya and Tamina. Why we need these women to always have random best friends of the month is beyond me, but in theory this is all leading to an IIconics reunion. As in the team that NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT WWE HAS NO IDEA HOW WOMEN OR TAG TEAMS WORK.

Rey Mysterio vs. King Corbin

Dominick Mysterio is on commentary as Corbin hammers away in the corner to start. Corbin gets in a quick dropkick but is sent outside, where Corbin runs him over with a clothesline. After a shout at Dominick, Corbin takes it back inside and gets frustrated at Rey for kicking out. Corbin punches him down again, shouts down at Dominick, and gets the air in front of his knee dropkicked out.

Rey’s springboard spinning crossbody is pulled out of the air but Rey gets onto his shoulders and scores with a hurricanrana. The 619 is countered into Deep Six for two and Corbin is upset. Rey sends him outside where Corbin decks Dominick, earning himself a 619. That sends Dominick into the post or steps though, which draws him inside to go after Corbin. Rey calls him off but Corbin drives them into each other, setting up the End of Days for the pin on Rey at 5:00.

Rating: C. This is the kind of place that Corbin can be valuable, as this is more about being a bully and causing problems for people without being the big centerpiece. They could be teasing Mysterio vs. Mysterio, though I’m not sure if I want to see that go down. Dominick needs to do something though, because he really doesn’t have anything to him other than being Rey’s son.

Rey looks upset but lets it go.

Heyman and Pearce run into each other again with Heyman pitching the Last Man Standing match. Pearce thinks about it but Heyman says Pearce and Reigns can talk about it in the ring tonight. For now though, Heyman is considering this handled.

Dominick doesn’t like Rey backing down from a giant but Rey says think about this. You don’t pick a fight with someone like Corbin without a plan. He’s a former US Champion! Rey has an idea though.

And now, the debut of Ding Dong Hello with Bayley (in glasses and some kind of sweater and blazer for a change), who says this is already bigger than Wandavision. Her guest is Bianca Belair, who has to come through the stand alone door, complete with doorbell. Belair takes Bayley’s chair and says Bayley has good taste in furniture.

Bayley promises to win the Royal Rumble and shows us a clip of her beating Belair. We hear about the EST name, which seems to annoy Bayley. The challenge for a rematch is thrown down, but Bayley would rather have an obstacle course, which is of course accepted. I can’t stand talk shows, but Bayley was rather funny here with the costume making it that much better.

Earlier today, Daniel Bryan was training with the Alpha Academy and said something about Nakamura. Cesaro came up to say that Bryan isn’t Nakamura’s friend and a match was set for tonight.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro

They start fast with Bryan grabbing the arm and taking it to the arm with an armbar. Some knees to the shoulder keep Cesaro down but he’s right back up with a hard slam for a breather. Bryan is right back with a monkey flip into the ropes, with Cesaro’s head almost landing on Bryan’s. That’s enough to send Cesaro outside, where Bryan takes him down with a dive. Bryan’s big kick to the head hits the post though and we take a break.

Back with Bryan taking Cesaro down into the YES Lock but Cesaro powers out. The Swing sets up the Sharpshooter but Cesaro tries to switch into a Crossface as Bryan reaches for the rope. Bryan reverses that into the YES Lock, sending Cesaro’s foot into the rope for the break. Cesaro is put up top and manages to reverse a superplex into a spinning superplex (ala Kevin Owens) for two, using the good arm in the process. Bryan grabs a backslide for the same and then kicks Cesaro down hard. A quick pop up uppercut drops Bryan though and the Neutralizer finishes Bryan clean at 11:48.

Rating: B-. Well ok then. That’s not the kind of thing I would have expected and while I have little confidence in having Cesaro go anywhere, it is nice to see him getting a chance at least for a night. Odds are this is designed to give Bryan a chip on his shoulder on the way to the Rumble, but I’ll take Cesaro getting a huge win in the process.

Carmella talks trash about Sasha Banks, who runs up to go after her. Reginald gets between them so Banks says Carmella can have her rematch, assuming Sasha can face Reginald first.

Apollo Crews vs. Sami Zayn

Before the match, we see a clip of Paul Heyman giving Crews a pep talk on Talking Smack after last week’s loss to Big E. Heyman told Crews to come back like a man with the Intercontinental Title and it seemed to get Crews’ attention. Sami has his documentary crew with him and Big E., with a fruit cup and a Ghostbusters sweater, is laying on a couch to do commentary.

With all of those details out of the way, Crews dropkicks Sami down to start and tries the Toss Powerbomb but Sami grabs the rope. Sami sends him outside for some shots to the face buts Crews sends him face first into the announcers’ table. There’s a moonsault off of the table to keep Sami in trouble and they head back inside. Crews gets caught on top so Sami can choke away in the corner, followed by a top rope elbow to the head.

A quick German suplex gets Sami out of trouble and there’s a step up enziguri. The standing moonsault hits Sami’s knees though and he grabs a rollup, with trunks, for two (the referees are being attentive tonight). Sami suplexes him into the corner but the Helluva Kick is countered into a rollup with a lot of pants to pin Sami at 3:17.

Rating: C-. I could go for Crews being a new Paul Heyman Guy, as Heyman probably has the time to spread out a bit. That and having Crews as a heel might be the next move for him, as it’s not like anything else he has been doing has been working in recent months. There is something there with him, and a showdown with Big E. could go rather well.

Post match Big E. isn’t pleased, and Crews picking up the Intercontinental Title doesn’t make things better.

Next week: Crews gets an Intercontinental Title shot, plus Bayley vs. Bianca Belair in an obstacle course challenge.

Here are Roman Reigns and company for the contract signing with Adam Pearce. In a nice touch, Pearce comes out with no music, because he really doesn’t have a personality. Pearce sits but Reigns wants his chair. Jey gets Pearce out of the chair to give it to Reigns, because he is sitting at the head of the table. They both sign, with Reigns smirking a lot. Pearce says he has been waiting all night for Reigns to do that, picks up the contract, and leaves.

Pearce starts limping on his way up the ramp, saying it’s an old injury that flare up every now and then. However, all WWE contracts say “card subject to change”, an as a WWE official, Pearce will find a suitable replacement for Reigns. That’s just what he has in mind, so cue Kevin Owens to sign the contract to face Reigns at the Rumble in the Last Man Standing match. Just like Raw has done a few times in recent weeks, the show cuts off during commentary’s closing line. Fair enough on the switch, and it worked well enough as a way to get Owens another match.

Overall Rating: B-. Smackdown is not a perfect show and there are some problem areas up and down the card, but it gets its job done. They are setting up some feuds at varying levels and do enough nice things to keep me interesting. The most important thing is they never come off like they’re trying too hard. Raw has such a bad tendency to try to do some massive angle or story and falling on their face. Smackdown is much more slow and steady, with good ideas that are executed at a higher level. That is what they did here, and the show worked as usual.

Results

Shinsuke Nakamura b. Jey Uso – Kinshasa

Natalya b. Liv Morgan – Rollup

King Corbin b. Rey Mysterio – End of Days

Cesaro b. Daniel Bryan – Neutralizer

Apollo Crews b. Sami Zayn – Rollup with tights

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Best Of 2020: Feud Of The Year

This is another one of the more important ones as you need a good feud to make people care about what they are going to be seeing. If you can find a hot rivalry, it can carry the entire promotion on its back, which is one of the more important as well as difficult things to do. There were some good ones to pick from in 2020 so let’s get to it.

As usual, in no order until the winner at the end.

Kenny Omega vs. Hangman Page

This is a rather simple concept turned up to eleven, which is where AEW can shine. They were partners, then Page started going nuts with paranoia over not being elite and they dropped the Tag Team Titles. Page lost to Omega in the finals of the #1 contenders tournament, but it seems that this is going to be revisited later. This was all about the deep storytelling and drama between the two of them, which made for some great moments week to week between the two of them.

Roman Reigns vs. Jey Uso

I had to decide between this one or Reigns vs. Owens, because Reigns was good enough to be on the list twice. There was one difference though: the Owens feud was always going to be good because you know what Owens can do. This was Jey Uso having a crazy good pair of World Title matches on pay per view. Just the surprise of seeing something like that made the feud that much better and it’s enough to get the win here.

Eddie Kingston vs. Jon Moxley

This one was built almost entirely on the promos but then the match was good enough to carry its own weight. There wasn’t a ton of drama about Kingston becoming champion, but that is not always a bad thing. It was about the journey instead of the conclusion, and Kingston’s promo work was among the best, if not the very best, of the year. Moxley did his thing too, but this was the Kingston show.

Randy Orton vs. Edge

This is another one where I had to pick one over the other, as Drew McIntyre and Orton had a rather long feud of their own. I liked this one better than, if nothing else because it didn’t drag on as long. Throw in that I was one of the few who liked the Last Man Standing match and it was a heck of a way to bring Edge back. Granted I hope they don’t relaunch it again when he is healed up, but it worked out well here.

Team McAfee vs. Undisputed Era

Earlier on I said that you were going to see McAfee’s name in this a lot and that is going to be the case here again. What was originally going to be Ridge Holland turned into Pete Dunne (at least that seems to be the case) and Oney Lorcan/Danny Burch with McAfee as the mouthpiece against the best faction NXT has ever seen. They had a great singles match and then a great WarGames match with the promos being even better. It came and went in a hurry, but what we got was great.

However, there was one thing that was built up and then paid off very well too.

Bayley vs. Sasha Banks

These two have been joined at the hip for years and that is likely going to be the case for a very long time to come. They spent most of the year as friends, dominated the title scene, and then Bayley turned on her before Banks could do it, which is a rather brilliant way to go. The matches were very good but the story was better, because the history was there. That’s what makes a great feud exceptional, and that’s what they did here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2005 (2019 Redo): The First Showdown

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

We’re finally to one of the more important shows ever and the main event is a two horse race. This is clearly the year of John Cena or Batista and either one is a great option to win. They’re owning their shows right now and both of them seem to be locks to walk out of Wrestlemania with the World Titles. Predictable does not mean bad though and that seems to be the case here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at great Rumble endings as a clock counts down. After it reaches zero, we see….well more of the same actually but there are so many historic Rumble moments that it works just fine.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Nothing wrong with a grudge match. Edge blames Shawn for him not winning the World Title and has taken out some aggression on him. They get started fast with Shawn clotheslining him to the floor and skinning the cat so the vest can come off. Back in and the announcers argue over whether or not Shawn is a champion hog. Edge gets in a swinging neckbreaker and the fans are all over him early on.

A Thesz press and right hands let Shawn throw him over the top for a nice mini moment. Shawn’s baseball slide misses though and it’s the Edge-O-Matic on the floor to knock him silly. Back in again and the fans stay behind Shawn as they’re certainly loyal. Edge gets two off a sitout powerbomb so it’s off to a rear naked choke. Well a chinlock with a bodyscissors because it’s Edge but close enough.

It’s switched to a regular chinlock and a slam, allowing Edge to strike Shawn’s pose. Shawn is annoyed but walking into a big boot makes it even worse. A clothesline takes Shawn down again as he can’t get anything going here. Another chinlock is broken up in a hurry and Shawn scores with a knee lift and some atomic drops. Ten right hands in the corner set up the catapult for two but Shawn has to stop Edge from walking out. It’s either a ruse or bad timing though as Edge gets in the spear on the floor.

Shawn beats the count back in and Edge….dances? That’s certainly a new one. What isn’t a new one is the spear (complete with tuning up the band, though JR insists that Edge has no band), which only gets two. A superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the big elbow. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop (nice counter) and the Edgecator goes on. Shawn makes the long and slow crawl to the rope (Lawler: “He was going to tap and the rope happened to be there!”) but Edge grabs a rollup and a rope for the cheating pin.

Rating: B. It’s a nice mixture of action and storytelling here as the match was good and edge cheated to win, which is what makes perfect sense for him. Edge hit everything he had on Shawn to try and win clean and then went with the cheating to put him away. That’s exactly what Edge would do because he’s so obsessed with getting a win so well done on the opener.

Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long argue over which brand will win the Rumble. With that out of the way, we get Torrie Wilson and Christy Hemme to stand there while wrestlers come in to draw their numbers. Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero come in first with Flair dancing and having the girls blow on his ball (make your own jokes). Flair is thrilled with his number so Eddie hugs him without drawing his own number. For the sake of convenience, Flair checks his number again and finds a bad one. The chase is on.

Heidenreich is freaking out over caskets when Gene Snitsky comes in. They like each other and Snitsky has an idea. The tone of voices sound like…..never mind.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Heidenreich is the latest monster and Undertaker has beaten him a few times but since WWE can’t just let him go, we get a casket match. As luck would have it, Heidenreich is terrified of caskets so he’s been running around in panic for weeks now. What a great way to present a monster.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Casket match of course with druids bringing the casket out. Undertaker grabs a headlock and starts dragging Heidenreich towards the casket so at least he’s going smart early on. An armdrag into an armbar has Heidenreich close to the casket again as you can see a lot of empty seats popping up. Undertaker switches to the leg with a half crab so Heidenreich crawls to the rope, which is in front of the casket. No one ever accused him of making sense.

They head outside with Undertaker going face first into the casket as Heidenreich still isn’t coming off as interesting. Back in and Heidenreich hammers away in the corner while shouting that this is his world. Undertaker seems to disagree by grabbing a triangle choke on the top rope. Cue the taped up Snitsky to make the save and the double teaming is on. The casket is opened and Kane wakes up from his nap to pop out and make the second save.

Kane and Snitsky fight into the crowd as Heidenreich kicks the casket up the aisle. Undertaker goes knees first into the steps and it’s time to peel back the mats so we can get more violent. Heidenreich crushes him with the casket and it’s a cobra clutch to knock Undertaker out. Undertaker goes into the casket but keeps an arm out so the comeback can start.

The apron legdrop onto the casket onto Heidenreich gets the fans back into things but Undertaker walks into the swinging Boss Man Slam. Heidenreich covers due to general numbskulledness and Undertaker makes another comeback, this time with a bad looking running DDT. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish Heidenreich.

Rating: D. It’s not good, but this could have been a lot worse. Heidenreich got in some offense and didn’t feel as much like a chore to watch this time around, but this feud was done a month ago. The Kane and Snitsky stuff was pretty early on so the match was almost divided in half with a short piece in the middle. Somehow, we’ll call this better than expected, though that’s not the highest expectation.

Long demands Eddie give Flair’s number back and Evolution comes in to make it happen. Eddie gives it back and almost gets away with Flair’s wallet. With Eddie gone, HHH wants to talk to Batista about the Randy Orton match but Batista wants to go get his number first. HHH says NOW and Flair has to intervene.

Long comes back in to see Bischoff as Christian and Tyson Tomko are ready to draw their numbers. Christian and Tomko say they both signed a petition to get rid of Long and then draw. As Christian is happy, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena to Bischoff: “Loved you in Boogie Nights.” Christian wants a battle rap of all things and tells Tomko to give him a beat. Tomko: “No.” Christian manages to rhyme Transylvania with Wrestlemania but Cena goes with the gay jokes to win the audience’s approval.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending. Angle chills on the floor to start and JBL actually starts swinging at Show. That’s quite courageous of him. Stupid as it works as well as you would expect, but courageous. Show catches him with a slam out of the corner and the legdrop gets two with Angle making a fast save. That’s fine with Show, who is right back up and knocks the two of them outside.

JBL gets posted and the power of the big hips knock Angle away as it’s all Show in the early going. Show sets up the steps next to the announcers’ and I don’t see this ending well. The super chokeslam is loaded up but Angle hits him low, setting up a monitor shot to knock Show through the table. Angle and JBL get back in with Angle grabbing an armbar, which feels a little out of place a giant just fell off the steps and through a table.

Some German suplexes fit the bill a bit better but the Angle Slam is escaped. JBL’s big boot gets two but Show is back in with a double clothesline. Show starts throwing the two of them around and another double clothesline connects for good measure. A double chokeslam is broken up though and it’s a Clothesline From JBL/chop block from Angle to put the giant down again. Angle is smart enough to hit a quick German suplex to drop the champ, followed by an Angle Slam to Show for no cover as Angle’s back is hurt.

Show is back up with a chokeslam for two, followed by a tackle to put JBL through the barricade. That leaves Angle in the ring with a chair but a charge lets Show flapjack him onto it. Cue Jindrak and Reigns to go after Show as the Cabinet is here to put JBL on a stretcher. Show fights the two of them up the aisle, leaving Jordan to throw JBL back inside. The Clothesline From JBL puts Angle down to retain the title.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and that’s not a surprise whatsoever after what has been a really good story. These three had an odd chemistry together and the match was a lot better than it probably should have been. If nothing else it was nice to not have the goons get involved until the end, and even then it was just for a distraction. JBL’s title reign continues to be far better than he’s given credit for with a match that was actually a lot of fun to watch.

Carlito tries to get Batista to sign his petition but a threat of violence gets rid of that. Batista goes in to draw his number as Bischoff and Long argue over World Title matches. Long says there is going to be a bunch of interference so Bischoff bans Evolution from ringside. Batista wants to tell HHH himself and seems very happy.

Wrestlemania XXI trailer featuring Eugene as Forrest Gump. I loved these things and most of them were rather clever.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton. HHH won the World Title back inside the Elimination Chamber, including pinning Orton. It took Batista’s help though so Orton beat Batista in a #1 contenders match to earn the shot. Orton is a complete lame duck challenger as the fans have moved on to Batista and everyone but Orton seems to know it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending and Evolution is barred from ringside. Orton slaps him in the face to get things going and a backslide gets an early two. A rather high backdrop looks to set up a very early RKO so HHH bails to the floor, allowing Orton to take him down out there instead. Back in and Orton grabs Snake Eyes but the RKO is countered with a toss over the top and what could have been a scary looking landing.

A ram into the steps makes it worse for Orton and the RANDY SUCKS chants are just downright mean. HHH goes after the knee, which was attacked on Raw and not brought up until now. We go to the Ric Flair knee work package, including the Figure Four. The hold stays on for over a minute until HHH slaps him in the face, causing Orton to turn it over, albeit right into the ropes.

They head outside again with HHH being thrown over the announcers’ table, which isn’t exactly a big deal this time. Instead Orton takes him back inside for the backbreaker and the assorted punches in the corner. The high crossbody gets two but HHH gets in a knee. The Pedigree is countered so HHH hits the jumping knee to the face for two. Another Pedigree attempt doesn’t work so Orton blasts him with a clothesline. Orton slugs away in the corner but a grab of the rope blocks a DDT.

That’s enough to send Orton outside and the referee threatens to stop the match because Orton looks out of it. Instead Orton gets back in but HHH crashes into both of them for the ref bump. The sledgehammer is brought out but Orton trips him face first into the post. Orton can’t follow up though and it’s a hard clothesline to take him down again. The Pedigree retains the title in a finish that sums up Orton’s entire face run.

Rating: C-. That ending was terrible as Orton never even got in the big hope spot. Instead it was Orton getting knocked silly, not being able to do anything but keep himself from getting hit by the sledgehammer and then falling to the Pedigree anyway. These two seem incapable of having a really good match together and that was the case again here. As mentioned, Orton had no chance so it’s far from some miscarriage of justice, but it was disappointing.

Kurt Angle steals Nunzio’s Rumble spot under the threat of violence.

The drunken Cabinet comes in to Long/Bischoff’s office. Long isn’t happy and makes JBL vs. Big Show in a barbed wire cage match for No Way Out. That’s quite the escalation and JBL sobers up in a hurry.

Royal Rumble

Since this is the main event, here’s your trivia for the night: this is the first pay per view since the Wrestling Classic (and therefore the second ever to this point) to not have a tag team match. In case you were worried about a slow start, Eddie Guerrero is in at #1 and Chris Benoit is in at #2 with ninety second intervals. Eddie starts on the floor before coming in for the feeling out process, which doesn’t get anyone anywhere. They start striking it out and Daniel Puder is in at #3. He gets in but goes straight back to the floor to grab a mic, saying everyone here is about to witness history.

Puder gets inside and it’s time for Benoit and Eddie to chop the heck out of him, which might be Benoit’s specialty. Some suplexes make it even worse and it’s Hardcore Holly in at #4. Benoit and Eddie are willing to stand back and let Holly chop him as the point is becoming clear in a hurry. Holly hangs him over the rope for the kick to the gut and there’s an Alabama Slam.

Hurricane is in at #5 as Puder is tossed. This was WWE’s way of punishing/initiating Puder for being successful in Tough Enough, because WWE feels the need to torment people for getting over. Puder would never wrestle on the main roster again and I’d be surprised if he had a major appearance. Eddie throws Holly out during Hurricane’s entrance and Hurricane is thrown out a few seconds later, just as Kenzo Suzuki is in at #6. Eddie and Benoit double team him as well but Benoit throws Eddie to the apron in a smart move.

Edge is in at #7 and this should make things more interesting. Chops and right hands abound until Benoit knocks Edge back a bit. Rey Mysterio is in at #8 and as soon as we get rid of Suzuki, a heck of a tag match could break out (with any combination of teams). Rey’s headscissors gets rid of Suzuki but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Eddie to put everyone down. Shelton Benjamin is in at #9 and goes after Rey, who snaps off a headscissors.

Booker T. is in at #10, giving us Booker, Eddie, Benoit, Benjamin, Edge and Mysterio (get one or two more and you have a month’s worth of quality stuff). Rey can’t headscissor Shelton out but here’s Bischoff to watch. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on Eddie, which Rey breaks up with a springboard dropkick. Just in case we don’t have enough awesome talent in the ring, Chris Jericho is in at #11. Jericho goes after Edge with right hands and a belly to back suplex before switching over to Eddie in the corner.

That means a lot more punching and not very close eliminations by the ropes until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #15. Hang on though as Hassan and Daivari jump him in the aisle and Scotty can’t get in. Oh well. If we can drop every man for himself, we can drop 30 to 29. The beatdown takes long enough that it’s Charlie Haas in at #16. Booker kicks him in the face though and then tosses Reigns and Jordan in a row. He stops for a Spinarooni though and that’s enough for Eddie to get the elimination.

The eliminations slow for a bit as Rene Dupree is in at #17. Haas and Benjamin get back together for the jump over onto Rene’s back. Shelton misses a Stinger Splash though and Edge gets the elimination. Simon Dean is in at #18 but before he gets in, we need some Hindu squats. The distraction lets Edge get rid of Eddie and Dean finally gets in…..so Shawn Michaels, in at #19, can superkick him out. Things slow down a bit until Shawn dumps Haas.

Kurt Angle is in at #20 and it’s suplexes a go-go until Shawn superkicks him out. To recap, we now have Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Jericho, Dupree and Michaels. Coach is in at #21 and immediately starts grabbing the rope to save himself. Mark Jindrak is in at #22 but Angle gets back in and throws Shawn out, followed by a step shot to the head for some blood. Angle is finally dragged off and it’s Viscera in at #23.

Rey saves himself from elimination so Viscera slams him in the middle. With nothing else going on, Paul London is in at #24, nearly sliding all the way outside as he comes in. Dupree slams him down and we get the French Tickler. Jericho is smart enough to use the delay to toss Dupree (Tazz: “His tickler just got Frenched!”.). No one can get rid of Viscera so here’s John Cena in at #25 to pick things way up.

Cena backdrops Viscera out on his own because WWE knows how to make someone look like a star in the Rumble. Gene Snitsky, who can run pretty well when he’s all taped up, is in at #26 to shoulder people down. Snitsky sends London to the apron and BLASTS him with a clothesline, sending London inside out for a highlight reel elimination. That gives us the Cena vs. Snitsky showdown with Snitsky hitting the big boot.

Kane is in at #27 and it’s chokeslams all around, with the one armed version to Mysterio looking great. Jindrak is out but Snitsky saves Coach of all people. The pumphandle slam drops Kane but none of that matters because Batista is in at #28 to bring the fans back to full strength (everyone knows it’s coming now and they’re fully on board the Batista train). Snitsky is out first and it’s time for the Kane showdown, with the full on BATISTA chants as background noise.

The Batista Bomb plants Kane and Batista throws Jericho out. Christian is in at #29 and gets beaten down by Cena as Rey hits the 619 on Kane. That’s enough for the FU to get rid of Kane (because Cena is smart enough to use a move like that next to the ropes). Rey and Cena set up an alliance and it’s Ric Flair in at #30, giving us a final field of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batista, Christian and Flair. That’s quite the talent pool. Flair is smart enough to feed Coach into the spinebuster from Batista for the elimination and the same concept gets rid of Christian.

Benoit chops Flair in the corner but takes the big spinebuster as well. That’s it for Benoit but Flair makes the mistake of trying to toss Batista as well. Edge and Mysterio are smart enough to dropkick Batista at the same time with Edge getting rid of Flair (makes sense). That leaves us with Edge, Mysterio, Batista and Cena. Edge hits the spear on Batista and Cena but gets caught by the 619. Rey tries one too many runs off the ropes though and gets sent to the apron for a spear to the floor. Cena and Batista toss Edge and we’re down to the only two people who ever had a shot to win this thing in the first place.

Neither can hit their finisher and the fall out to the floor in the unplanned finish. With the referees split, cue Vince McMahon, who made the mistake of trying to get up from the Gorilla Position in a hurry after three hours. He tries to slide in under the bottom rope and there goes his quad (must be a family trait).

Vince tries to get up and just goes down, so the referees plead their cases as Vince sits down next to the bottom rope. With all of the confusion, they take turns throwing each one over the top (Batista threw Cena first, which makes sense. Cena throwing Batista out after and thinking that would count is just kind of dumb.). Vince says restart the match (and then goes to the back, where he put too much weight on his good leg and tore that quad as well), but for some reason Eddie and Benoit are nowhere to be seen. Batista throws Cena out in about ten seconds to officially win.

Rating: B+. If they could have nailed the ending, this is an all time classic. As it is, it’s just shy of great and that’s a pretty awesome place to be. Cena and Batista were all that mattered here and that was where they went for the ending, but the stuff before that was more than very good as well. They stacked the first half with talent and then had the very well done Angle vs. Shawn segment, which sets up a major match at Wrestlemania. By the time they were done, Cena showed up to bridge things to the ending. All in all, it’s a second tier Rumble at worst and just makes the end of the all time best list at best.

Overall Rating: A-. The Rumble is such a unique show as the one match can carry the rest of the card either up or down. In this case that’s very helpful as the four undercard matches nearly cancel each other out, with a pair of good ones, the bad casket match and the not very good Raw World Title match. What matters here though is they didn’t play any games with the ending and went with their strongest options at the finish. It was the right play and the only thing they could have done. Batista and Cena’s rockets are being attached to their backs and that’s what they have to do. Very good show and bordering on classic.

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2005 (2013 Redo): When Vince Fell Down

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

The opening video is designed like a clock counting down in the Rumble. Cool idea there.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

The Canadian is sent back to the floor but he catches Shawn in an Edge-O-Matic to take over again. A baseball slide keeps Shawn down and we head back inside. The fans are firmly behind Shawn here, which means the heel turn is working for Edge. Shawn tries a standing rana but gets caught in a powerbomb for two instead. Off to a rear naked choke from Edge which stays on for a good while.

Anyway Shawn pounds away in the corner and grabs a rollup for two, prompting Edge to try to walk out. The imbecile of a referee holds Shawn back, allowing Edge to sneak up from behind and spear Shawn to the floor. Shawn finally crawls back in and Edge dances a bit. Edge tunes up the band and spears Shawn down for two more, sending Edge into a fit. He pulls his own hair out and does those awesome facials that only Edge can do.

With nothing else to try, Edge puts Shawn on top for a superplex, only to get knocked down for the flying elbow from Shawn. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop for two more and Edge is very frustrated. Edge rolls through a sunset flip into the Edgeucator (imagine a Sharpshooter but with Edge behind Shawn like an ankle lock) but Shawn makes the rope. After a small package gets two for Shawn, Edge reverses a rollup into one of his own and grabs the ropes for the cheap pin.

Heidenreich is panicking about caskets when Snitsky comes up. Heavy breathing ensues and Snitsky says he has an idea.

The casket is brought out.

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches I was expecting to suck but it wound up being pretty solid. Angle is going to be good no matter what he does and Show had some solid motivation out there for a change. JBL escaping with the title was a recurring theme for nearly a year until he ran into a buzzsaw called John Cena in a few months. Shockingly good match here.

Batista goes to draw his number and hears Bischoff bar Evolution from ringside for the next match. Big Dave seems very happy to tell HHH.

Long video recapping HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other, Orton was never supposed to get another shot, so tonight he gets another shot.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

The Game goes after the taped up knee and wraps it around the post because he can. HHH modifies the cannonball down onto the leg by dropping an elbow instead of sitting on it. After a quick attempt at a small package by Orton, HHH puts on a LONG Figure Four, lasting way longer than almost any other I can remember. Orton finally turns it over, sending HHH retreating to the floor.

Orton counters a Pedigree attempt into a catapult but HHH counters the RKO for at least the third time before hitting the high knee for two. Randy is bleeding from the lip. The Pedigree is escaped again and Orton gets two off a clothesline. The champ rolls to the floor again and gets sent into the steps for trying to hide. Back in and Orton pounds away in the corner, only to miss a DDT attempt and possibly give himself a concussion.

Teddy tells JBL and company that Jibbles has to defend the title against Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage match at No Way Out.

Royal Rumble

Benoit and Eddie fire off chops in the corner followed by a double suplex because they can. Eddie hits Three Amigos and Hardcore Holly is #4. Holly asks if he can have some fun with Puder and rips some skin off with chops in the corner. Benoit and Eddie get in some chops of their own before Holly kicks Puder low, hits the Alabama Slam, and throws him out. Hurricane is #5 as Guerrero and Benoit dump Holly.

Hurricane gets double teamed but Eddie tries a double cross, only to get chopped for his efforts. Hurricane hits a Blockbuster on Eddie but Benoit chops him down and whips him into Eddie for the elimination. Kenzo Suzuki (one of the most forgettable footnotes in wrestling history) is #6. Just like everyone else, Benoit and Eddie pound on him in the corner with chops and suplexes, but Benoit turns on Eddie ala earlier but only throws him to the apron.

Shawn is #19 and superkicks Simon out, doing some Hindu Squats to celebrate. Edge tries to corner Mysterio in a corner. JR: “Makes a lot of sense.” Shawn backdrops Charlie out and Kurt Angle is #20. He hits Angle Slams on everything in sight but tries the ankle lock on Shawn. Michaels rolls through and superkicks Angle out after less than 40 seconds. Coach is #21 and you can hear JR groan. He gets in a single shot on Benoit and runs to hide.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

Redo: B-

The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Original: D-

Redo: D

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B

Redo: C+

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: B-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Like I said, I liked the Rumble a lot more this time around.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/24/royal-rumble-count-up-2005-the-rise-of-the-new-generation/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and check out my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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