Hard To Kill
Date: January 12, 2020
Location: The Bomb Factory, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

It’s back to pay per view with another big show and the card looked pretty good coming in. However, news has since broken about Rich Swann hurting his ankle and not likely being able to wrestle, plus the Tessa Blanchard controversy over her not being a very nice person. Hopefully they can overcome everything and have a great show. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on Tessa Blanchard challenging Sami Callihan for the World Title, in what should be a pretty obvious ending. They’ve made no secret of the fact that this is a big coronation and while that might take away a little something, it can be nice to see where things are going and then get there.

Ken Shamrock vs. Mad Man Fulton

Shamrock is coming to the ring while Josh is still talking about the opening. The Crists are here with Fulton and this is fallout from Shamrock vs. Callihan. Shamrock starts with some strikes to the leg and face but Fulton wrestles him down and stomps away in the corner as an insane monster is known to do.

Shamrock’s kneebar doesn’t last long as Fulton shoves him away, only to miss a big boot. The crotching on the ropes lets Shamrock hammer away, only to get pulled down into a cross armbreaker over the ropes, because Fulton can do that. Fulton rolls outside so Shamrock dives onto him. That’s caught so Shamrock has to slip out and hit a German suplex on the floor, setting up a knockdown to Jake Crist.

The Crists get knocked down again and that’s an ejection to make it man vs. monster. Fulton gets in a shot of his own and starts stomping on the arm before switching to a chokeslam. He tries another one but Shamrock takes him down with a Kimura to escape. The shoulder gets popped and Fulton screams but Shamrock lets go for some reason. Fulton wants to fight anyway and something like a one armed powerbomb gives him two. Shamrock grabs something like the Rings of Saturn for the tap at 9:24.

Rating: C-. What an odd opener and what a not great choice for the win. Fulton is a monster and your way to treat him as one is to have him lose via submission? I know Shamrock is someone who can offer some star power but fans already know who he is. Why do you need to give him a win over someone whose status is hurt more than most by a loss?

The announcers run down the card. For the life of me I don’t get why they do this. Just in case someone casually bought the pay per view to see what they might get to see?

We recap the X-Division Title match. Trey Miguel is the #1 contender so Ace Austin is hitting on his mom in one of the most bizarre methods of building a title match that I can remember in recent memory. It’s a personal one and they’re both selling it to set up a good feud.

X-Division Title: Trey Miguel vs. Ace Austin

Austin is defending and Trey takes him down at the bell, meaning it’s an early chase around the ring. Back in and Trey hits a spear before kicking Austin outside again. A 619 on the apron hits Austin in the head and there’s a middle rope moonsault to get in another knockdown. Ace gets in a few shots of his own and busts out a Space Flying Tiger Drop to take over.

Trey finally comes back with some clotheslines and a kick to the head, setting up a reverse suplex into a dragon sleeper. That’s broken up and a bottom rope springboard Downward Spiral gets two on the champ. Ace gets up a knee in the corner though and Trey charges into a springboard spinning kick to the face. That doesn’t seem to bother Trey, who hits a 619 in the corner, only to get crotched on top. The Fold retains the title at 12:24.

Rating: C. Kind of an abrupt finish but Ace getting pushed like this is a very good thing. He’s one of my favorite guys in the entire promotion right now and I could go for more of his horrible mind games. This one might not even be done and that’s not the worst idea. Good enough match here, and some more fire from Trey could make it even better.

Post match Ace hits on Mama Miguel but gets jumped by Trey. Even the Rascalz have to come out and help pull him off.

ODB’s new food truck will be ready in the Spring and she thanks all of the fans for having her back.

We recap the Knockouts Title match. Taya Valkyrie is defending, having held the title longer than anyone in history. Jordynne Grace is ready to take it from her but ODB has been added to the mix and things might not be that simple.

Knockouts Title: Taya Valkyrie vs. Jordynne Grace vs. ODB

Taya is defending and has John E. Bravo with him. ODB starts with a double noggin knocker of all things and Taya is sent outside early on. The other two head to the apron for a slugout with Grace getting the better of things by knocking ODB to the floor. Taya takes ODB’s place inside but ODB pulls Grace to the floor for the fall away slam on the ramp. Back in and Taya chokes ODB and doesn’t seem happy with the FOOD TRUCK chants.

More choking in the corner gives Taya two and a curb stomp into the STF gives us a Cena/Rollins finisher kit. Grace is back in so Taya tries to work on her shoulder, only to get lifted up with straight power. ODB breaks that up to put everyone down though I’d give it ten seconds before it’s back to one on one.

A spinebuster gives Grace two on Taya and a German suplex is good for the same with ODB making both saves. Taya kicks Grace in the head for two with ODB making a third save. Grace pulls ODB off the top and hits a top rope backsplash for the same with Taya having to make a save. Everyone is down again until the Grace Driver plants ODB. It’s Bravo with the distraction though, allowing Taya to steal the pin and retain at 11:37.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as it was almost every triple threat match you can imagine. The wrestling wasn’t all that great and Taya escaping after someone else hit their finisher was what I guessed for the finish. Anytime you think the same way I do in a finishing sequence, it’s probably not a good sign, which was the case here too. Grace probably gets the title soon though, and it’s not like more Taya is a bad thing.

Katie Forbes is all over Rob Van Dam and is sure that he’ll win because he’s so handsome. Daga walks by and Van Dam thinks he’s a fan in a great touch. Sex is implied but we need a video package first.

Video on Rob Van Dam vs. Brian Cage, with Rob suggesting that Cage has copied all of his moves. Cage is a big Van Dam fan but is ready to show how great he is on his own.

Brian Cage vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam has Forbes with him, plus new music which features him saying his initials and name several times. Cage high fives fans around the ring but Katie’s girlfriend (just go with it) grabs his hand so Rob can jump him from behind. A few rams into the post has Cage’s shoulder busted up and Rob hits a springboard kick to the face, meaning it’s time for a few bows.

Rob Van Dam vs. Daga

Van Dam gets in an early chair shot but the rolling monkey flip is broken up with a dropkick. Daga hits a few dropkicks to the floor so Katie climbs onto Rob to check on him. They head back inside with Daga missing a top rope dropkick, allowing Rob to roll him up for two. A fireman’s carry gutbuster into a suplex gives Daga two but Rob is right back up with a kick to the face. The Five Star finishes Daga in a hurry at 4:11.

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of this? Did they not know that Cage was hurt or something? They really couldn’t have just had Daga go out there and do a longer match? I have no idea how this was their best option but egads it really didn’t work. Daga vs. Van Dam would have been fine and I get that Cage was leaving, but dang this was a major disappointment.

Post match Rob celebrates with the two girlfriends before watching them dance together.

Sami Callihan isn’t granting interviews.

We recap Michael Elgin vs. Eddie Edwards. Eddie has the Call Your Shot Trophy (Money in the Bank for any title) and Elgin is willing to do whatever it takes to get the World Title. He has treated Eddie rather badly backstage and beaten him in a regular (and awesome) match, so now it’s for the trophy.

Michael Elgin vs. Eddie Edwards

Eddie starts fast but gets forearmed in the face early on. Elgin gets knocked outside for the suicide dive so Elgin forearms him down again. Stick with what works I guess. A superkick puts Eddie down again, only to have him come back with chops. Eddie tries another suicide dive but gets forearmed out of the air again, setting up a posting to make it even worse.

Back in and Elgin hits a reverse jawbreaker (as in to the back of the neck, meaning it’s not a jawbreaker), followed by a fisherman’s neckbreaker for two. The neck crank goes on but Eddie fights up and manages to suplex both Elgin and himself out to the floor. Eddie is back up with the suicide dive to send Elgin flying into the barricade.

Back in and Elgin counters the Boston Knee Party with a spinebuster before no selling Eddie’s snap German suplex. Elgin runs him over with a clothesline for two more and another forearm drops Eddie again. They slug it out for a good bit until Eddie knocks him down with a clothesline.

Elgin is right back with some superkicks and a release German superplex (egads, though it’s similar to a really high moonsault and a bit safer than it looks). Splash Mountain gets two on Eddie but he’s right back with some shots to the knee. Elgin Crossfaces him to cut that off but that’s broken up in a hurry as well. With the holds not working, Elgin goes with the power in the form of a buckle bomb, only to have the Elgin Bomb reversed into a sunset flip to give Eddie the pin at 19:53.

Rating: B+. This was your physical slugout match of the night with Elgin beating the heck out of him as Eddie had to try and hang in there. Elgin got frustrated by Eddie kicking out every single time, allowing Eddie to survive until he could catch Elgin going too far. They beat the fire out of each other and had an awesome match as a result. Good stuff, as you had to expect.

Rhino is ready for the spear vs. the Gore. Moose likes to call his spear the No Jackhammers Needed, so Rhino is going to show him the no f**** given.

We recap Moose vs. Rhino. Moose wants to prove that he’s the best all around athlete and has been going after the older guys, including Rhino. Therefore, it’s a battle of the spears which is a fine enough idea.

Moose vs. Rhino

No DQ. Moose, in Randy Savage gear, starts an exchange of elbows and knocks Rhino outside. An early spear misses Rhino though and he falls outside, only to grab a chair to hit Rhino in the back. They fight on the ramp but Moose charges into a backdrop to make him cringe. Back to ringside and Rhino gets posted, meaning it’s time for a table.

Moose can’t powerbomb him off the apron though, instead charging into a powerbomb from Rhino to put him through the table in the big crash. That’s good for two back inside and it’s time to throw in a bunch of chairs and trashcan lids. Moose gets the better of that though with some shots to the back putting Rhino down. A top rope elbow gets two on Rhino but Moose tries again, allowing Rhino to chair him on the top.

That means a superplex onto the pile of chairs for two so Rhino grabs another table. It takes a long time to set it up though and Moose hits a running dropkick in the corner. Rhino clotheslines him right back down and hits the Gore through the table, but also through the referee. Another referee comes out to count a delayed two but Moose hits him low. No Jackhammers Needed finishes Rhino at 12:27.

Rating: C+. They had a nice brawl here and that’s what they were hoping to do. The match was what it needed to be with the only logical ending, as there was no reason to do anything more than have Moose break a sweat and then win in the end. It was an entertaining fight and now Moose needs to move on towards the World Title scene. He’s been chasing the thing for so long that it has to happen sooner rather than later.

We recap the North vs. Rich Swann/Willie Mack. Swann and Mack have been chasing the titles for months and are the new #1 contenders so the North has tried to split them up. Now none of that matters though because Swann has hurt his ankle and can’t wrestle.

Swann isn’t even cleared to stand at ringside on crutches so Mack is on his own. He’s got this.

Tag Team Titles: Willie Mack vs. The North

The North is defending in a handicap match. Alexander starts for the team but walks over to Page for the tag, followed by another tag to set up the double teaming. Mack shrugs that off and hits the swinging slam on Alexander, plus an enziguri to put him on the floor. Page is there for a distraction though and the champs take over with a cheap shot from behind. The chinlock goes on as we see Swann watching from backstage.

Mack fights up and hits a DDT out of the corner, setting up some running corner clotheslines. The Samoa drop into the standing moonsault gets two on Alexander and a running big boot in the corner makes it worse. There’s an exploder suplex for the same but Page is back in with the double Neutralizer for two of his own.

They head to the floor and take Mack up, only to have him knock Alexander onto Page’s shoulders. That means a Doomsday Canadian Destroyer to Alexander, followed by the frog splash for two with Page pulling the referee. Page’s request for a DQ is denied so Mack hits him with a Stunner, only to have Alexander come back with the assisted spinebuster to retain at 10:34.

Rating: C. This was a weird one as there was only so much that they could do given the circumstances. Mack and Swann could have had a classic match here but with Mack having to be in there on his own, their options were a bit limited. They did what they could here though and it wound up being an entertaining match. Do the title switch later, though it could be months given their taping schedule.

Rebellion is back in April.

We recap Sami Callihan vs. Tessa Blanchard. Callihan won the World Title from Brian Cage in a cage match and Tessa won a gauntlet match to earn the title shot. Tessa has faced Sami twice before but come up short both times, meaning this is her big chance at destiny and revenge at the same time. It feels like a big deal, though not the most surprising conclusion.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Sami Callihan vs. Tessa Blanchard

Sami is defending and is on his own for a change. We get the Big Match Intros and Sami hits a Cactus Special for two in the first ten seconds. Tessa fights out of a superplex attempt and hits Magnum for two of her own as we’re a minute into the match. A headscissors puts Sami on the floor and the suicide dive connects. Tessa snaps off a hurricanrana on the floor as the fans are WAY behind her.

The big flip dive connects as Sami hasn’t been able to do anything after the Cactus Special. He manages to drive her knees first into the barricade so Tessa has to limp back inside to beat the count. The leg is wrapped around the post a few times and Sami punches at the knee for a bonus. An Indian Deathlock takes us back to 1972 until Sami hits her in the back and lets it go. There’s another kick to the knee and Tessa is in trouble despite the fans being completely behind her.

The cockiness is strong with the champ as he stands on Tessa’s ribs to show off. Tessa tries to slug back so Sami hits her in the face. They head outside again with Tessa getting powerbombed through a table in the big crash. That’s good for nine so Tessa gets on the apron for another chop off. A superkick sets up Magnum on the apron and they’re both down on the floor again. They beat the count again but Sami is starting to look a bit desperate.

Tessa says to hit her and keeps bouncing up from the chops. Somehow Tessa manages a Samoan drop and gets two more off a second Magnum. Another Magnum misses though and the knee is banged up again. Get Outta Here gets two on Tessa and she bounces up from a German suplex. A cutter gets two on Sami but he’s right back with a sitout powerbomb into a Stretch Muffler.

That’s switched into an STF but Tessa makes the rope to escape again. Sami grabs the belt, only to have it taken away. It’s a ruse though as he busts out some brass knuckles but Tessa kicks him low. Magnum gets two more so Tessa grabs the Crossface but that’s reversed into another Cactus Special for another two. Tessa slugs away so Sami spits on her and kicks her in the face. A running Canadian Destroyer plants Sami though and the hammerlock DDT gives Tessa the pin and the title at 23:49.

Rating: B+. Another very good match here but the history is what matters in this one. They beat each other up and told a story with Tessa having to survive the knee injury and hang on against the way too arrogant Callihan. It’s still a bit of a stretch to believe that Tessa can be a physical match for the men but they’ve hidden it as well as can be expected. It’s an important moment and something that does matter, though the controversy from the weekend is going to hurt the meaning a bit.

Tessa celebrates and we’re off the air almost immediately.

Overall Rating: C+. The two bigger matches had to bail this out as some of the things they did here didn’t work. A few of them weren’t Impact’s fault but this show could have been a lot better with another rewrite. They nailed the matches that mattered though and with a few fixes, this card could have been great. What we got was good enough, though the bad things are really pretty bad. Check out the main and Elgin vs. Eddie though, as Impact gets to show what they can do when they have the chance.

Results

Ken Shamrock b. Mad Man Fulton – Rings of Saturn

Ace Austin b. Trey Miguel – The Fold

Taya Valkyrie b. ODB and Jordynne Grace – Grace Driver to ODB

Rob Van Dam b. Daga – Five Star Frog Splash

Eddie Edwards b. Michael Elgin – Sunset flip

Moose b. Rhino – No Jackhammers Needed

The North b. Willie Mack – Assisted spinebuster

Tessa Blanchard b. Sami Callihan – Hammerlock DDT

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also -available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Some wrestling news this week doesn’t give me hope for the future of some companies.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/tommyhall/kbs-review-enjoy-them-while-you-can/

Dark
Date: January 14, 2020
Location: Landers Center, Southaven, Mississippi
Commentators: Excalibur, Dave Brown
Hosts: Tony Schiavone, Dasha Gonzalez

It’s a special show this week as we focus on the legends of Memphis wrestling. This was teased back on last week’s Dynamite but then it was “hey check out Dark for that thing we built the advertising for this show around”. I can always go for a legends ceremony so hopefully we get some cool stuff here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence. This show has an opening sequence?

Excalibur and Dave Brown, open the show in the style of the classic Memphis show. They even have the tracking issues on the side of the screen. It’s a nice touch, but please tell me that Excalibur won’t spend most of the show doing a Lance Russell impression.

The hosts welcome us and send it to the legends ceremony.

There are a bunch of legends in the ring and each gets their own introduction with a quick bio:

Handsome Jimmy Valiant

Kevin Lawler (representing Brian Christopher (and he looks EXACTLY like him) and realistically Jerry Lawler)

Dave Brown

Shane Russell (representing his father Lance Russell)

Austin Idol

Doug Gilbert (representing his family and, to a much lesser degree, himself)

Rock N Roll Express (biggest reaction so far by a mile)

Lanny Poffo (representing his family and, to a much lesser degree, himself)

We get a ten bell salute to all of the legends who have passed away.

This was VERY nice and a cool moment and felt like it was done out of pure respect and honor rather than trying to pop a bigger audience. In a pretty rare moment, I have no criticisms of this at all.

Brandon Cutler vs. Darby Allin

They lock up to start as Brown talks about seeing Flex Kavana in Memphis, who is better known as the Rock. The lockup keeps going even as Allin goes up and monkey flips him (Brandon, not Brown). A shoulder puts Cutler down and a dropkick sends him into the corner. Cutler gets in his own whip into the corner and a very spinny Boss Man Slam gets two.

Allin is right back with a Fujiwara armbar before dropping a knee on the arm. That’s broken up as well and Cutler slaps on a torture rack, which is broken up with a pull of the hand. Allin is busted open over his nose and Cutler makes it worse by crotching him on the top. A running legdrop with Allin hanging in the ropes puts him on the floor. Back up and Allin knocks him away and hits a quick suicide dive to put Cutler down again. The front flip Stunner drops Cutler and it’s the Coffin Drop to give Allin the pin at 9:02.

Rating: C. Cutler continues to be your designated jobber to the stars and that’s not the worst role to have. He’s going to be around as long as he wants to be due to his connection to the Young Bucks and he can do well enough in the ring to back it up. Allin continues to be a potential top star of the future and the cult response to him is growing.

Nyla Rose vs. Shanna

Shanna jumps her from behind in the aisle and the beatdown is on early. Rose drives her back into the barricade but can’t hit a powerbomb on the floor. Instead Rose shrugs off a kick to the head and hits a spinebuster to make it even worse. A table is loaded up but Shanna escapes another powerbomb and spears Rose off the apron through the table. Cue the referees to break it up. No match.

After a quick chat with the hosts, Shanna’s interview is broken up by Rose, who says Shanna just made this personal. She tries to cut a promo of her own but Shanna starts the fight again.

Here’s where AEW is coming over the next few weeks.

Gunn Club vs. Peter Avalon/Shawn Spears

Tully Blanchard is with Avalon and Spears and that would be Billy and his son Austin. Before the match, Austin says if the crowd gets loud enough, Billy might hit the catchphrase. He manages to pull it off but here is Peter Avalon (with Leva Bates) to talk about the royal history around Memphis, with one king having a restaurant so bad that after you eat there you’ll die just like another king. Leva apologizes and we’re ready to go.

Spears tells Billy to suck it and it’s time to walk around a bit before the contact begins. Billy shoulders him down a few times and Spears winds up kneeling in front of Billy’s crotch. Imagine what he is told to do from there. Austin, with the headband, comes in and Spears bails to the apron for a little while. Avalon comes in as well so Austin picks up the pace, setting up a hiptoss into a neckbreaker for two.

It’s back to Billy, meaning Leva has to save Avalon from a powerslam. Spears’ chops just annoy Billy so he chops away until Spears wants time out. Austin comes in and misses a dropkick, allowing Spears to send him into the post a few times. It’s back to Avalon to work on the arm some more but Austin fights up with a clothesline. The hot tag brings Billy back in to clean house as everything breaks down. Avalon rolls Austin up for two but walks into the Fameasser for the same. Spears gets sent into the barricade and it’s the cobra clutch slam into a Swanton from Austin for the pin at 11:05.

Rating: C-. Just a match here to get the Gunns on TV and that worked out well enough. They’re not a great team and Austin looked rather green. That’s going to happen to everyone at some point though so it’s really way too early to say anything about him. The rest of the match went fine and it wasn’t bad by any stretch. Just kind of there really, but Austin wasn’t a disaster.

Tony and Dasha wrap us up in a hurry.

Overall Rating: C+. That legends ceremony helped bring this way up as it was easily the best part of the show. What mattered most here was keeping the show shorter over the last few weeks. I’m good with this show being just shy of an hour after a few weeks approaching an hour and fifteen minutes. The show has stopped being anything worth seeing most weeks, but it has also gotten less annoying so we’ll call it a little bit in both directions.

Results

Darby Allin b. Brandon Cutler – Coffin Drop

Gunn Club b. Peter Avalon/Shawn Spears – Swanton to Avalon

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also -available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Powerrr
Date: January 14, 2020
Location: GPB Studios, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Joe Galli, Stu Bennett

We’re closing in on Hard Times and that means we should know what the big stuff is going to be around here. Nick Aldis has been the major star and the focal point of the show, as he brings in Scott Steiner to help him deal with the existential threat that is Ricky Morton. We also get another TV Title Tournament qualifying match tonight. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Aldis not being able to beat Ricky Starks and turning down five minutes with Ricky Morton. Then a six man tag was set up to earn Morton a shot, with Aldis bringing in Scott Steiner as his third man.

Into The Fire.

Here are the Rock N Roll Express for an opening chat. They’ve always put the fans first and that’s why they’ve never minded being #2. The two of them paved the way for today’s tag teams but they’re not crying over spilled milk. Morton has to get up every morning and work to feed his kids, so you better believe he’s coming to work hard to become World Champion. They aren’t saying who their third man is so keep watching to find out.

We finally get some brackets for the TV Title Tournament

Tim Storm

Zane Dawson/Dave Dawson

Ricky Starks

Open Slot

Zicky Dice

Open Slot

Question Mark

Trevor Murdoch/Thom Latimer

Well that’s better than nothing at least.

Zicky Dice and Ricky Starks argue about who will go further in the tournament. Starks says he’ll win the title but Dice says the only thing Starks will be stroking are these curls. Kind of random but giving these new guys promo time is one of the best things for them.

TV Title Tournament Qualifying Match: Dave Dawson vs. Zane Dawson

They circle each other and go nose to nose with only a shove for contact in the first thirty seconds. A headlock goes nowhere so they ram into each other, followed by Zane hitting a splash in the corner. Zane’s middle rope shoulder gets two but Dave is back with a kick to the face for two of his own. Dave misses a charge though and shoves Zane in the face, sending Zane over the top with chops in the corner. He even goes after Zane’s bad arm but the referee breaks it up, allowing Zane to hit him with the cast for the pin at 3:55.

Rating: D. They were managing to tell a little story here and I can certainly appreciate the extra effort. The wrestling was what you would expect from these two in a short match but there was only so much they could do with so little time and their limited in-ring abilities. It wasn’t very good, but they were running with a few anchors.

Zane is screaming in pain after the win.

Hard Times video.

Breaking News: the NWA invaded Ring of Honor over the weekend. More later.

Ken Anderson and Colt Cabana aren’t happy with their loss last week and seem to blame each other. Anderson is NOT bitter though.

Ashley Vox vs. Melina

Vox dropkicks her at the bell but Melina hits a running hair bulldog. A missed Cannonball in the corner makes it worse for Vox and Melina bends her neck around the rope. Another comeback attempt is cut off with a kick to the head and Vox is down again. They trade forearms with Vox doing the screaming comeback, only to get caught in something like an Eye of the Hurricane with a legdrop for the pin at 3:07.

Rating: D+. Melina is the top star in this division by a mile and that isn’t likely changing anytime soon. Kay is pretty good as well but they need to get the title on Melina already if they want it to have some credibility. The women’s division is still in its very early stages and going with the veteran makes sense.

Post match, Melina challenges Kay, who comes out and is ready to do this right now. We won’t be, but she’s ready to.

We get more clips of the NWA Invasion with Aldis attacking Marty Scurll and then running away from the threat of a beatdown. The next night, Aldis called out Scurll and security had to break up a brawl. Aldis challenged Flip Gordon for Hard Times.

Pope denies that he is managing Outlaw Inc. See, he’s advising them, which is totally different. He doesn’t like Aron Stevens either because Stevens won’t defend the title. Back to the tag teams, Outlaw Inc. is a real team, unlike Storm and Anderson, who are together because of convenience.

Outlaw Inc. vs. Aron Stevens/Question Mark

Question Mark now has a flag bearer (also masked of course). Stevens and Kingston start things off with Stevens being sent outside in a hurry. A double suplex gets two on Stevens and it’s Homicide staying in to mock the ka-ra-te. Stevens avoids a charge though and gets to hammer away, including sending Homicide shoulder first into the buckle.

Rating: D+. The wrestling isn’t the point here, as tends to be the case with this show, but sweet goodness Stevens and Question Mark are two of the most entertaining people in the world. Those two have some serious chemistry and have figured out something that works, so let them go with whatever they want as the fans eat it all up.

Dr. Of Wrestling Psychology Austin Idol is ready to teach you how to get heat.

We get the same recap that opened the show.

Here’s Strictly Business and Scott Steiner now has an unidentified title. Aldis talks about how he was warned about the snakes in the business, including Steiner. Now he trusts Steiner, who goes on a rant about hating fat people. The title is the original NWA World Tag Team Title belt, before it became WCW. Tonight, they’re beating up the Rock N Roll Express.

Team Morton vs. Team Aldis

Morton: Robert Gibson/Eli Drake/Tim Storm

Aldis: Wildcards/Scott Steiner

Isaacs finally gets in a clothesline and Steiner comes in for the first time to chop away in the corner. Latimer grabs a cravate and knees Drake in the face before Isaacs comes in for the chinlock. That doesn’t last long so here’s Steiner for an overhead belly to belly. Latimer is back in for his own chinlock but Drake fights up and hits a running DDT. Gibson gets the hot tag and finally stays in for more than a few seconds with some knees and right hands. Everything breaks down and Gibson rolls Isaacs up for the pin at 9:26.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as it was a rather boring match with Gibson only doing anything at the end. The rest of the match was your basic formula stuff, though it’s not like there was any secret about who was going to win. I get pushing the Rock N Roll Express but it doesn’t make for the most intriguing stories outside of nostalgia. Granted that’s kind of the point of this whole place though right?

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t one of my favorite shows and it was a lot of stuff that didn’t exactly work. The promos are still good and the show flies by, but the TV Title Tournament isn’t exactly thrilling and then you have Aldis vs. Ricky Morton and Ring of Honor, which makes for quite the combination. I just didn’t get the whole deal tonight but they can bounce back, as they tend to do.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also -available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also -available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler,

The main changes are Batista and Cena. They’ve more or less taken over the company as the biggest things in the world. Except for Batista because he’s out with an injury. Edge is the current reigning world champion though as he had more or less stolen the title at New Year’s Revolution. He’s got his rematch with Cena tonight. On the other side, Mark Henry is main eventing the show. I give up.

The other main issue is of course the death of Eddie Guerrero, which there’s been more than enough written about already. Other than that, there’s just not a lot going on here. This more or less is the first Rumble of what would be classified as the modern era, so let’s get to it.

The intro is just a recap of the major feuds. For some reason, Angle vs. Henry gets the most hype. Naturally they push Raw vs. Smackdown again. Edge is the Rated R Champion now. Lita’s stomach is the thing that dreams are made of. I’ve always wanted to say that. For reasons that no one will ever comprehend, the theme is Roman or something, which meant nothing and no one wanted to see. Stephanie in Roman clothing was nice though.

Cruiserweight Championship: Cruiserweight Open

This is the standard thing they were doing back in the day as they had completely given up on having any kind of storylines or flow to the division, so they just said screw it and threw everyone into one massive match where everyone is legal at once. In this, you have to be either the current Champion or a former champion. The participants are Kid Kash who is the champion, Paul London, Nunzio, Funaki, Gregory Helms and Jamie Noble.

London is wearing a gold mask for some reason that was never really explained. Helms is a surprise here. Oh geez there’s a Roman theme again where they have guys opening the door where people from out of the back from. It’s kind of like KOTR 96 for those of you that have seen that. Helms is from Raw here so he’s an outsider or something like that. Shockingly, the match is a huge mess to start as there are no tags or anything like that. Screw that order stuff.

London’s dropsault is stupid when it’s just one person but it’s cool when there’s two. It’s completely not effective but it looks good. Heck Rock won a bunch of world titles like that though so who cares? London looks like Tajiri for some reason. This is a pure spotfest here with nothing resembling flow or a story or anything like that, which makes sense I guess. At least they didn’t try as that would have been really stupid.

In a nice spot, Funaki whips Noble in and he launches a suicide dive through the ropes to take out two guys. You can tell a lot of these spots are preplanned but that’s fine as it’s working pretty well for what it’s supposed to be. With almost everyone else on the floor, London goes to the top rope and throws a shooting star press to the floor, more or less missing everyone and just slamming into the floor.

It looked PAINFUL and the fans give him a well deserved hokey smoke chant. In a cool spot that I haven’t seen before, London and Helms are on the top and Helms hits a swinging neckbreaker to get us back on the mat. It looked a lot better than it sounds.

For those of you that don’t know, Kash was a fairly big deal in ECW but other than that he’s been a minor player at best. The steps in the background are orange here so it looks like a bunch of empty seats. They get really fast in a hurry but it gets cut off too fast as Helms hits a Shining Wizard to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: B-. Now before everyone jumps on me, this isn’t the same kind of grade that I would give a normal match because this wasn’t supposed to be a standard match. This was designed to be completely insane and all spots to get the crowd awake and it worked fine. That’s the point of this and it did its job, so it gets a decent grade. There is no story to something like this and there shouldn’t be. Helms would hold the belt over a year.

Vince and Teddy long are around the Rumble drawing and Vince tells Long to leave. Naturally there are three hot women there. Orton and HHH come in and draw their numbers. Orton is happy and HHH hates his. Sex jokes abound as these two continue their eternal battle that never goes anywhere. Victoria looks incredible.

Trish is getting ready to be the referee. Mickie James says she loves her, and we have a lesbian stalker angle.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

For no apparent reason, this isn’t for the title as Trish is the referee and the champion here. They would have a decent match at Mania. This is back when Mickie was not only insane but also wore ridiculously awesome skirts. Ashley was one of the biggest flops in wrestling history as the winner of the Diva search who was just awful on a lot of levels. If nothing else we have Lillian, Mickie and Trish in the same ring. That’s not bad at all.

They have a headlock and actually go to the floor without breaking it up. That’s hard to do. Ashley can’t even lock up right. That’s almost sad. What’s sadder is that Joey has to say she’s a superstar. Oh yeah this was also when Mickie would scream her head off, which I’ve always liked for some reason. Ashley tried at least so I’ll give her that. The crowd is completely dead by the way. Mickie’s figure is flat out mesmerizing.

This is so odd to see someone with so much talent like James and someone with so little in Ashley. The thing here is that Mickie loves Trish but Trish trained Ashley. There are far too many bad submissions being done here to have a coherent match too. Ashley goes on offense and while it’s really bad, she’s trying. You can tell the different between someone that just doesn’t want to be there and Ashley, while bad, is trying.

However, her offense is either so limited or the fans like Mickie so much that they completely turn on her and boo her LOUDLY. Mickie powerbombs her out of the corner and Trish is really hesitant to count it, which is either part of the angle or then just giving up and saying let’s try to save some face here and just ending it early. Either of those would be believable to me.

Rating: C-. And that’s as generous as I can be. Ashley was bad here, but she was trying as hard as she could and I can easily respect that. Now later on when she just didn’t care, screw that. The fans turning on her like that annoyed me, but I can get what their point was. This was really just to set up Trish vs. Mickie, which is fine.

We see Helms at the WWE Interactive area, which means he’s chatting on WWE.com, which WCW had about 10 years prior to this.

More Rumble drawings with Rey and Big Show. It’s preceded by Vince checking the girls’ tattoos which is just annoying and stupid. In a funny bit, Show can’t get his hand in the tumbler to get a number out. Show is pleased and Rey is…oh screw it. They’re talking about Eddie again, which draws a huge chant and gives away the ending to the Rumble. Ok, before this comes up later, let’s just get it out of the way now.

The WWE needs to understand something. No wait, actually wrestling in general needs to understand something. When a wrestler dies unexpectedly, it doesn’t make them better. Eddie was indeed a very good if not great wrestler, but based on the things you hear about him now, you would think he was Ric Flair. He’s more about the level of Randy Orton or so. However, the undisputed champion of this is ECW with Louie Spicolli.

He was the epitome of an ok if not decent wrestler that was all of a sudden great after he died from a drug overdose. He simply was not as good as people made him out to be. For all of you ECW marks out there, show me ONE very good Spicolli match. It doesn’t even have to be great.

Show me one time where he had a great match. What was my point here? Oh yeah. Eddie was very good, but he only became considered great after dying. “KB you don’t know anything. He won the world title!” Yeah well this is 2 days after TLC and Sheamus is world champion so the belt really doesn’t prove all that much does it?

JBL vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is that JBL is terrified of Boogey. Oh and Boogey bit the “mole” off of Jillian’s face. She’s his assistant here or something like that. My goodness JBL has fallen far since winning the world title less than two years before this. It continues to amuse me when someone like Boogeyman is weighed in. And now I’m annoyed. I’ve never liked the Boogeyman character for one reason: he makes a mockery of wrestling.

Now yes, there’s a lot of stupid characters and while I tend to dislike the majority of them, when they can have a decent match, it’s almost acceptable. Boogeyman couldn’t do that, so when he does stuff like eat worms, then spit them up and spit them down into Jillian’s mouth, I have no use for him at all. It continues to have stupidity attached to it as we have to hear about how disgusted the announcers are.

Seriously, the Four Horsemen are in the same business as this guy. That’s just ridiculous. Thankfully, this lasts about a minute and a half, as after a stupid brawl where Boogey sells nothing at all, JBL misses a Clothesline and somehow slams into the post in a completely awful looking spot. A pumphandle slam ends it.

Rating: F-. This would usually be an N/A, but this was just a complete and utter waste of time. Seriously, why did this need to happen? I know it took less than 5 minutes, but really, there was NOTHING else we could have used that for? I hate gimmicks like these, I truly do.

Vince hits on the girls more and you can see they hate it. Shelton’s mama shows up. This was a freaking stupid gimmick where Shelton’s mom showed up to make sure he was taken care of. It was some comedienne that no one has ever heard of in a fat suit. You figure out how well it worked. Melina shows up and gets hit on too. Mama prevents him from hitting on her.

MNM, Joey Mercury and Johnny “Morrison” Nitro show up to draw as well. Both seem fairly middle of the road with their numbers. Melina says they’ll eliminate Shawn. We finish this long segment off with more Vince hitting on the girls. They eventually became a stable called Vince’s Devils. Yeah it went nowhere.

Before the Rumble starts, we have the Spirit Squad. Now for those of you that weren’t around for these guys, they were male cheerleaders that won the tag titles from Kane and Big Show. Amazingly everyone said the only one with talent was Kenny Dykstra. The one known as Nick became known as Dolph Ziggler. What does that tell you? Lillian is jaw dropingly hot here.

Royal Rumble

Lillian flubbing her lines is somehow sexy. How is that possible? HHH is number one and Rey is number two. Well you certainly can’t say they’re using no names to start us out. This is big match that’s never happened before. Oh the intervals are 90 seconds here. Oh here we go Rey is driving a lowrider. HEY, WE GET IT ABOUT EDDIE! I wouldn’t be so annoyed about it, but seriously, he brought up Eddie in the BATISTA feud.

Oh look he draped an Eddie shirt on the car. This is freaking ridiculous because it’s obvious Rey is going to win here for the sake of “honoring Eddie.” Rey’s entrance reaches Taker levels of time. He does the ten punches in the corner and looks up before he does it. This is freaking ridiculous and we’re just hitting number 3 which is Simon Dean. Cole, who is doing the commentary with Lawler, FREAKS because a Smackdown guy is attacking a Smackdown guy.

They team up and eliminate him easily. Have I mentioned that I hate the Bronco Buster? Psicosis of the Mexicools is 4th. They were a team of Mexican stereotypes who rode lawnmowers. I wish I was making that up. Rey counters a Razor’s Edge to put him out with ease again so we stay with those two guys. Number 5 is Flair of all people. He trips coming into the ring as Rey is down for no apparent reason.

Flair and HHH hammer on each other for awhile as I think HHH is a heel here. Oh yeah he would be. That was a stupid comment. He and Flair feuded over the IC belt of all things in some decent matches. You know for a guy that was allegedly the biggest ladies man ever, he used a lot of testicular claws. He’s gone soon after and we’re back at 2 people. Big Show is 6th so hopefully we get people in here for awhile.

He’s mad at HHH also, which is still going on today, which works as it’s been less than five years ago so a feud can easily go on that long. Naturally Show dominates here. With an eyeroll from me, Coach is number 7. Why did he always get spots in the Rumble? Show puts him out in about 30 seconds. Show demonstrates his intelligence by having HHH above his head twice and not even getting close to the ropes.

The announcers say that Coach might have set a record for shortest time in the Rumble. That’s so stupid I’m not even going to bother making fun of it. Lashley is 8th and they say he could be a dark horse. Can I get a rim shot? He’s a rookie phenomenon here, meaning that his career wouldn’t mean much since Vince refused to ever pull the trigger on him, even though he tried. In an impressive move, he gets a backdrop on Show as Kane, who is currently tag champions with Show, is 9th.

He and Lashley square off in a match of two guys that will never win a world title in WWE again. In a very impressive looking spot that wasn’t really that impressive, he hits the Dominator on Kane. Rey has been down WAY too long for no apparent reason. Sylvan, playing a gay character who doesn’t actually say he’s gay is 10th. He’s the fashion consultant or something. Yeah he’s gone in about 30 seconds.

Show and Kane hit a double chokeslam on Lashley and throw him out. So HHH and Rey are more or less just laying on the mat for about 5-6 minutes at a time which is again, stupid. HHH puts Kane and Big Show out, thus reaffirming his theory that he could out fight God if he had to.

Carlito is 11th, as other than the first two guys, no one has lasted 10 minutes yet. I really don’t like this theory of only having a few guys in there for the majority of the match. The Rumble should have about 6-7 guys in the ring for the majority of the match. It’s just right and it allows for things to not be too boring but also not too weak. Benoit is 12th as we’re picking up a bit.

He chops and suplexes the heck out of everyone just because he’s Chris Benoit and they’re not. Carlito gets a crossface for good measure as Benoit is freaking awesome. He and HHH fight over a suplex with Benoit on the apron which was cool looking if nothing else. The Canadian fights out of that and hits the headbutt on HHH so Carlito can get back up. Booker is 13th and the US Champion at the moment.

He’s wearing long tights which looks odd indeed. He would become king in a few months. Yep Booker is gone already, naturally by Benoit as those two were eternally joined at the hip for some reason. Apparently 20 minutes or so is a long time now. So the most we’ve had is what, 5 people I believe?

Mercury of MNM is 14th and since he brings Melina with him, he’s awesome. I love the way they carried the belts as they hung them from their pants so they swung between their legs. It’s original if nothing else. Mercury really is underrated in the ring. He’s a lot better than people realize. Cole brags about setting ratings records on UPN. That’s just hilarious. Tatanka is 15th to ZERO reaction.

He returned for a few months and no one, I mean NO ONE cared at all. His offense has somehow gotten even more generic if that’s possible which I didn’t think it was. The fans do the Florida St. Seminole chant to try to validate his entrance. Nitro is 16th. More commonly known as John Morrison if you’re not familiar. Tatanka beats on him, which somehow validated Matt Hardy and Tatanka vs. MNM on PPV in a non title match. You read that right.

The fans chant Eddie to just tick me off even more. Only Vince would manage to use death to push storylines. Trevor Murdoch is 17th. To recap we have HHH, Rey, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch and for some reason Tatanka. Cole takes a lull to mention that Rey is dedicating this match to Eddie. Eugene is 18th, and is booed out of the freaking building. He’s a classic case of a comedy character being used badly.

Rey hurts him to get a solid pop. For the love of goodness Animal of the LOD is 19th. Seriously, who picked these people? Oh apparently the new LOD are the long time rivals of MNM. You know, the team that’s been around for a few months. There are WAY too many people in there right now. RVD is 20th to a HUGE pop. Thankfully for the first time in history the company listened to the pop and made him world champion in June before he smoked his way out of the main event.

Oh yeah this was the summer that ECW returned. He cleans house of course. MNM is doing the Demolition thing of teaming up on everyone which is smart. Animal is out thank goodness. Orlando Jordan is 21st and I somehow manage to lose even more interest in this match. There are FAR too many people in the ring at the moment. Chavo is 22nd. Ok, him I have no problem with doing the pointing thing. There’s your difference between Chavo and Rey.

Chavo won a match with JBL on the Eddie tribute show, pointed to the sky a few times, and started using the frog splash. He’s mentioned Eddie a few times over the years, but for the most part he’s just said that he’s a Guerrero which he would have been no matter what. He had one angle with Rey over the Guerrero name, which made sense when you thought about it. That’s perfectly fine.

Then you have Rey, who used the splash, drove a lowrider, blew one up, pointed to the sky and dedicated about a year’s worth of matches to Eddie, using him as an angle and getting the world title because of it. He still mentions Eddie for storylines 4 years after Eddie passed away. There’s paying homage then there’s just being freaking ridiculous. What does Chavo get for being more humble about it? He lasts a minute here while Rey lasts an hour.

Of course Chavo shouldn’t have won or been in the last group or anything, but would 10-15 minutes have killed anyone? Seriously, Tatanka can get a long time but Chavo can’t? Matt Hardy is 23rd. There’s like 12 people in there right now and it’s absurd. You can’t see a thing in there at the moment either. Tatanka FINALLY goes out as Super Crazy is 24th. What is the point of half these guys being in here?

Shawn is 25th to a nice pop. He gets pyro when he comes out which is odd in a Rumble match. He ends Murdoch to thin the ranks out a bit. Chris Masters, who is more or less a newcomer at this point, somehow gets pyro also at 26th. I’m not even bothering to try to tell who all is in there at this point. Nothing of note is happening anyway. Viscera, currently the world’s largest love machine is 27th.

He puts out the far more talented Matt Hardy, but not before giving him the Visagra, which is where the other guy is on his stomach and Viscera gets on top of them and gyrates his hips. Yeah it’s worse than it sounds. Shelton is in next along with his mother. This is somehow stupider than I thought it was going to be. Eugene is gone, leaving a huge pool of sweat on the mat beneath him.

They’re really speeding up the intervals here to get through this. Goldust, who is returning for like the 12th time is 29th. That leaves Orton as number 30. Rey puts Crazy out as Orton comes out last. Ok, so your final group is Rey, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Shawn, Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Yeah that’s not too many people at all. Screw the sarcasm. YES IT’S TOO MANY FREAKING PEOPLE!

Geez do you think 14, or just under half of the people being left at the end is enough? Why don’t we just get rid of the whole unique aspect of the freaking match and make it a regular battle royal like the classic World War 3 series that WCW used to do? Those things went great didn’t they? Dang it Vince how hard is it to book a freaking Rumble? You have about 7-8 guys in at the end, 5-6 of them are big names and two or three jobbers.

Three are legit contenders, three are dark horses, and two are jobbers. There, that took 8 seconds to come up with. Orton puts Benoit out which Cole says is a rematch from Summerslam two years ago. More like a year and a half but who cares about facts? Carlito and Masters put out Viscera and then Carlito throws out Masters. Goldust takes forever to set up Shattered Dreams but at least manages to kick that turnbuckle really well.

RVD puts him out just before Orton puts out Jordan. Shawn and HHH go at it to keep the balance of the universe in order. Shawn puts out both of MNM within 5 seconds of each other to further kill the tag division which HHH and Shawn are the current champions of as of this being written. Sweet Chin Music puts out Shelton as Shawn is on a roll. Vince’s music hits as he and Shawn were feuding at the moment. He distracts Shawn so Shane can put Shawn out.

That leaves us with Rey, HHH, Carlito, Orton and RVD. Well I’m glad they took their time getting rid of the people. Shawn goes after Shane but HHH stops him but gets chin music. HBK chases the McMahons out because he’s a face and they’re heels. Van Dam puts Carlito out to give us our final four of Rey, HHH, Orton and RVD. RVD was returning so he wasn’t going to win.

HHH and Orton were possible and Rey was the clear winner so there we go. They split off with HHH vs. Rey and Orton vs. RVD. The faces hit some nice double team stuff to hurt the heels. Van Dam shows how stupid he is by going for a Five Star and gets put out. Orton and HHH get together for no apparent reason other than to beat up a guy that’s 5’5. However, Rey is empowered by the memories of a guy that he feuded with so he takes them both down.

Orton fights HHH. In other news, the sky is blue. Rey puts out HHH and it’s officially inevitable. Rey gets beaten up by HHH to just further make us take note of how awesome Rey is. Orton acts cocky and yeah Mysterio is going to Mania. Orton would get in and make it a triple threat where Rey would win the title and of course, dedicate it to Eddie since that’s all he’s allowed to do.

Rating: D. Eddie oversaturation aside, this Rumble sucked and it sucked hard. The booking was way off here as there were far too few guys in the ring at first and far too few in the end. The Rey thing annoys the heck out of me as people like to say RIP Eddie, yet they have zero problem with his history being exploited for the sake of bad storylines. Rey was passable as champion, but let him get there on his own and not because a guy died. That’s just stupid.

Other than that, WAY too many jobbers and fillers in there, which kind of reflects on the company as a whole. Seriously, why did Booker and Lashley stay in there for just a bit? To be fair, Booker was hurt so that might explain it. Either way, this match was awful in a lot of ways and I hated it quite a bit.

Rey is happy with his win.

We recap Cena vs. Edge, which was a result of the first cashing in of the Money in the Bank in a truly shocking moment. This was a huge thing as Cena was completely dominant and everyone was TICKED when he held the title again after the Elimination Chamber.

But when Vince’s music went on, everyone knew what was coming and it was awesome. Naturally Cena insisted on a rematch and talked about respect and having the title mean a lot to him. This was also the reign with the live sex celebration that apparently made Edge’s career better than Taker’s.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

So the scaffolds from the ceiling begin to lower. Smoke and lights and pyro go off. Styles says it looks like a spaceship. Yep, Cena is getting a special entrance that of course looks awesome. More or less his feet are where the top of his head would be if he was walking normally. Yeah there’s nothing at all that’s being implied about who wins here at all. Lita of course looks completely amazing. If nothing else I’ve heard Edge’s theme live so that’s cool.

For the love of all things good and holy, change the spinner belt. The W is spun almost halfway around and it just looks stupid. It starts off with their standard stuff which is traditionally good. Cena starts off in control but thanks to Lita Edge hits a spear into the steps, which more or less proves that he desperately needs a new finisher. We go into the crowd for just a bit but it goes nowhere. Cena dives in to beat the ten count which if nothing else looked cool.

Edge goes old school with his spinning heel kick. Why is Joey Styles the only commentator that mentions the referee’s names consistently? Cena can sell really well if nothing else. Good night Lita’s chest is amazing. The announcers get into an interesting argument: who is the better technical wrestler? That’s a most interesting question that’s going to get a thread soon. Edge’s facials remain awesome as ever. The crowd is fairly loudly booing John here.

Edge chokes Cena so of course despite being put in a hold that should kill him or would end any MMA fight, he gets up with ease. Both guys are down so we get another few shots of Lita’s chest to fill time. Following some botched interference from the hot chick, the FU and STFU give Cena the belt again. That was abrupt.

Rating: B. Eh, this was what it was. Cena and Edge work together just fine so their matches are almost always passable. Edge was more or less given the title as a test run and that’s fine. He got his name in there and that’s what counts. Cena was definitely the right choice to have the belt going into Mania so I have no issues with the booking here. The match was fine and it came off well. It’s nothing great but it’s fine for a title change that goes 15 minutes.

In case you were wondering, Rey is still happy that he won.

We do a very quick, as in about 10 second long recap of Angle vs. Henry, which consists of Henry breaking the ankle lock, which had been done by about 15 people up to this point, but it’s impressive here because of POWER. Angle was a transitional champion if there ever was one.

He took over when Batista got hurt (shocking isn’t it?) so he’s held the title less than three weeks at this point. Angle does his usual solid promo and then comes back to tell Henry he sucks. That’s what makes Angle better than most. He would head to TNA later in the year and be a huge coup for TNA.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

So Daivari used to hang out with Angle but he dumped him for Henry for no apparent reason. Soon after this Khali would show up. Yeah Angle is introduced as the new World Heavyweight Champion here. That’s the beauty of having guys like Angle or Shawn on your roster.

If something like an injury happens, you can throw the title on them for a quick fix and because they hang around the upper midcard with occasional main event matches, it’s perfectly believable to put the belt on them and no one really had a problem with Angle as champion. We get a fairly long feeling out period, but Henry catches Angle in position for the World’s Strongest Slam. Naturally though instead of slamming him though, he throws him to the floor.

More or less Henry beats the tar out of Angle for awhile as you would expect. Good night Henry you’ve been in the company ten years at this point. Don’t you think it’s time you learned some new offense? I mean really, we know you can slam, club, punch and squeeze. LEARN ANYTHING NEW. Angle gets a bad German, but to be fair, look what he’s working with. Angle Slam gets two. Henry powers out of the ankle lock using the same counter that everyone else uses to knock the referee down.

Angle gets a bad chair shot to Daivari and takes it into the ring. The chair is bent which always looks cool. Angle goes Hogan and cheats but remains a face. Two decent chair shots put Henry down but the fans are more or less dead here. They of course get two which gets a decent pop. I really don’t get the point of the chairs this early in the match. Angle pulls the turnbuckle pad off the middle turnbuckle and sends Henry’s head into it on a reversal for the pin. Really? That’s the best you’ve got?

Rating: D-. I have no freaking clue what they were going for here, but it was just an epic failure. Henry had no business being in there but he came off looking like a far bigger face than Angle did. It was really short, and I have no idea what the point was of this main eventing the show. Oh wait. Now I get it.

A gong goes off and the lights go purple. Ok, Taker has druids and a horse drawn chariot. That makes up for the main event. He signals that he wants the belt and sets off lightning. The ropes fall to the ground and the ring collapses as Angle holds the belt to his chest as we go off the air. Ok, that was freaking cool.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a very lackluster show. I know a lot of people will love the Eddie tributes etc. but I HATED them. One or two points to the sky and some frog splashes are just fine but seriously, giving the Rumble and ultimately the world title to a guy over Eddie? That’s WAY too much. Other than that, there’s just nothing special here at all. Edge and Cena is pretty easily the match of the night.

This show really was more about setting up for the future though, as Cena had to get the belt back and Angle had to get set up with Taker, which they managed to accomplish both. This really started setting the table for Mania, so that’s fine, but the show just wasn’t that interesting. Not recommended at all really, although some people might like it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also -available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

We’re finally to one of the more important shows ever and the main event is a two horse race. This is clearly the year of John Cena or Batista and either one is a great option to win. They’re owning their shows right now and both of them seem to be locks to walk out of Wrestlemania with the World Titles. Predictable does not mean bad though and that seems to be the case here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at great Rumble endings as a clock counts down. After it reaches zero, we see….well more of the same actually but there are so many historic Rumble moments that it works just fine.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Nothing wrong with a grudge match. Edge blames Shawn for him not winning the World Title and has taken out some aggression on him. They get started fast with Shawn clotheslining him to the floor and skinning the cat so the vest can come off. Back in and the announcers argue over whether or not Shawn is a champion hog. Edge gets in a swinging neckbreaker and the fans are all over him early on.

A Thesz press and right hands let Shawn throw him over the top for a nice mini moment. Shawn’s baseball slide misses though and it’s the Edge-O-Matic on the floor to knock him silly. Back in again and the fans stay behind Shawn as they’re certainly loyal. Edge gets two off a sitout powerbomb so it’s off to a rear naked choke. Well a chinlock with a bodyscissors because it’s Edge but close enough.

It’s switched to a regular chinlock and a slam, allowing Edge to strike Shawn’s pose. Shawn is annoyed but walking into a big boot makes it even worse. A clothesline takes Shawn down again as he can’t get anything going here. Another chinlock is broken up in a hurry and Shawn scores with a knee lift and some atomic drops. Ten right hands in the corner set up the catapult for two but Shawn has to stop Edge from walking out. It’s either a ruse or bad timing though as Edge gets in the spear on the floor.

Shawn beats the count back in and Edge….dances? That’s certainly a new one. What isn’t a new one is the spear (complete with tuning up the band, though JR insists that Edge has no band), which only gets two. A superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the big elbow. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop (nice counter) and the Edgecator goes on. Shawn makes the long and slow crawl to the rope (Lawler: “He was going to tap and the rope happened to be there!”) but Edge grabs a rollup and a rope for the cheating pin.

Rating: B. It’s a nice mixture of action and storytelling here as the match was good and edge cheated to win, which is what makes perfect sense for him. Edge hit everything he had on Shawn to try and win clean and then went with the cheating to put him away. That’s exactly what Edge would do because he’s so obsessed with getting a win so well done on the opener.

Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long argue over which brand will win the Rumble. With that out of the way, we get Torrie Wilson and Christy Hemme to stand there while wrestlers come in to draw their numbers. Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero come in first with Flair dancing and having the girls blow on his ball (make your own jokes). Flair is thrilled with his number so Eddie hugs him without drawing his own number. For the sake of convenience, Flair checks his number again and finds a bad one. The chase is on.

Heidenreich is freaking out over caskets when Gene Snitsky comes in. They like each other and Snitsky has an idea. The tone of voices sound like…..never mind.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Heidenreich is the latest monster and Undertaker has beaten him a few times but since WWE can’t just let him go, we get a casket match. As luck would have it, Heidenreich is terrified of caskets so he’s been running around in panic for weeks now. What a great way to present a monster.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Casket match of course with druids bringing the casket out. Undertaker grabs a headlock and starts dragging Heidenreich towards the casket so at least he’s going smart early on. An armdrag into an armbar has Heidenreich close to the casket again as you can see a lot of empty seats popping up. Undertaker switches to the leg with a half crab so Heidenreich crawls to the rope, which is in front of the casket. No one ever accused him of making sense.

They head outside with Undertaker going face first into the casket as Heidenreich still isn’t coming off as interesting. Back in and Heidenreich hammers away in the corner while shouting that this is his world. Undertaker seems to disagree by grabbing a triangle choke on the top rope. Cue the taped up Snitsky to make the save and the double teaming is on. The casket is opened and Kane wakes up from his nap to pop out and make the second save.

Kane and Snitsky fight into the crowd as Heidenreich kicks the casket up the aisle. Undertaker goes knees first into the steps and it’s time to peel back the mats so we can get more violent. Heidenreich crushes him with the casket and it’s a cobra clutch to knock Undertaker out. Undertaker goes into the casket but keeps an arm out so the comeback can start.

The apron legdrop onto the casket onto Heidenreich gets the fans back into things but Undertaker walks into the swinging Boss Man Slam. Heidenreich covers due to general numbskulledness and Undertaker makes another comeback, this time with a bad looking running DDT. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish Heidenreich.

Rating: D. It’s not good, but this could have been a lot worse. Heidenreich got in some offense and didn’t feel as much like a chore to watch this time around, but this feud was done a month ago. The Kane and Snitsky stuff was pretty early on so the match was almost divided in half with a short piece in the middle. Somehow, we’ll call this better than expected, though that’s not the highest expectation.

Long demands Eddie give Flair’s number back and Evolution comes in to make it happen. Eddie gives it back and almost gets away with Flair’s wallet. With Eddie gone, HHH wants to talk to Batista about the Randy Orton match but Batista wants to go get his number first. HHH says NOW and Flair has to intervene.

Long comes back in to see Bischoff as Christian and Tyson Tomko are ready to draw their numbers. Christian and Tomko say they both signed a petition to get rid of Long and then draw. As Christian is happy, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena to Bischoff: “Loved you in Boogie Nights.” Christian wants a battle rap of all things and tells Tomko to give him a beat. Tomko: “No.” Christian manages to rhyme Transylvania with Wrestlemania but Cena goes with the gay jokes to win the audience’s approval.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending. Angle chills on the floor to start and JBL actually starts swinging at Show. That’s quite courageous of him. Stupid as it works as well as you would expect, but courageous. Show catches him with a slam out of the corner and the legdrop gets two with Angle making a fast save. That’s fine with Show, who is right back up and knocks the two of them outside.

JBL gets posted and the power of the big hips knock Angle away as it’s all Show in the early going. Show sets up the steps next to the announcers’ and I don’t see this ending well. The super chokeslam is loaded up but Angle hits him low, setting up a monitor shot to knock Show through the table. Angle and JBL get back in with Angle grabbing an armbar, which feels a little out of place a giant just fell off the steps and through a table.

Some German suplexes fit the bill a bit better but the Angle Slam is escaped. JBL’s big boot gets two but Show is back in with a double clothesline. Show starts throwing the two of them around and another double clothesline connects for good measure. A double chokeslam is broken up though and it’s a Clothesline From JBL/chop block from Angle to put the giant down again. Angle is smart enough to hit a quick German suplex to drop the champ, followed by an Angle Slam to Show for no cover as Angle’s back is hurt.

Show is back up with a chokeslam for two, followed by a tackle to put JBL through the barricade. That leaves Angle in the ring with a chair but a charge lets Show flapjack him onto it. Cue Jindrak and Reigns to go after Show as the Cabinet is here to put JBL on a stretcher. Show fights the two of them up the aisle, leaving Jordan to throw JBL back inside. The Clothesline From JBL puts Angle down to retain the title.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and that’s not a surprise whatsoever after what has been a really good story. These three had an odd chemistry together and the match was a lot better than it probably should have been. If nothing else it was nice to not have the goons get involved until the end, and even then it was just for a distraction. JBL’s title reign continues to be far better than he’s given credit for with a match that was actually a lot of fun to watch.

Carlito tries to get Batista to sign his petition but a threat of violence gets rid of that. Batista goes in to draw his number as Bischoff and Long argue over World Title matches. Long says there is going to be a bunch of interference so Bischoff bans Evolution from ringside. Batista wants to tell HHH himself and seems very happy.

Wrestlemania XXI trailer featuring Eugene as Forrest Gump. I loved these things and most of them were rather clever.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton. HHH won the World Title back inside the Elimination Chamber, including pinning Orton. It took Batista’s help though so Orton beat Batista in a #1 contenders match to earn the shot. Orton is a complete lame duck challenger as the fans have moved on to Batista and everyone but Orton seems to know it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending and Evolution is barred from ringside. Orton slaps him in the face to get things going and a backslide gets an early two. A rather high backdrop looks to set up a very early RKO so HHH bails to the floor, allowing Orton to take him down out there instead. Back in and Orton grabs Snake Eyes but the RKO is countered with a toss over the top and what could have been a scary looking landing.

A ram into the steps makes it worse for Orton and the RANDY SUCKS chants are just downright mean. HHH goes after the knee, which was attacked on Raw and not brought up until now. We go to the Ric Flair knee work package, including the Figure Four. The hold stays on for over a minute until HHH slaps him in the face, causing Orton to turn it over, albeit right into the ropes.

They head outside again with HHH being thrown over the announcers’ table, which isn’t exactly a big deal this time. Instead Orton takes him back inside for the backbreaker and the assorted punches in the corner. The high crossbody gets two but HHH gets in a knee. The Pedigree is countered so HHH hits the jumping knee to the face for two. Another Pedigree attempt doesn’t work so Orton blasts him with a clothesline. Orton slugs away in the corner but a grab of the rope blocks a DDT.

That’s enough to send Orton outside and the referee threatens to stop the match because Orton looks out of it. Instead Orton gets back in but HHH crashes into both of them for the ref bump. The sledgehammer is brought out but Orton trips him face first into the post. Orton can’t follow up though and it’s a hard clothesline to take him down again. The Pedigree retains the title in a finish that sums up Orton’s entire face run.

Rating: C-. That ending was terrible as Orton never even got in the big hope spot. Instead it was Orton getting knocked silly, not being able to do anything but keep himself from getting hit by the sledgehammer and then falling to the Pedigree anyway. These two seem incapable of having a really good match together and that was the case again here. As mentioned, Orton had no chance so it’s far from some miscarriage of justice, but it was disappointing.

Kurt Angle steals Nunzio’s Rumble spot under the threat of violence.

The drunken Cabinet comes in to Long/Bischoff’s office. Long isn’t happy and makes JBL vs. Big Show in a barbed wire cage match for No Way Out. That’s quite the escalation and JBL sobers up in a hurry.

Royal Rumble

Since this is the main event, here’s your trivia for the night: this is the first pay per view since the Wrestling Classic (and therefore the second ever to this point) to not have a tag team match. In case you were worried about a slow start, Eddie Guerrero is in at #1 and Chris Benoit is in at #2 with ninety second intervals. Eddie starts on the floor before coming in for the feeling out process, which doesn’t get anyone anywhere. They start striking it out and Daniel Puder is in at #3. He gets in but goes straight back to the floor to grab a mic, saying everyone here is about to witness history.

Puder gets inside and it’s time for Benoit and Eddie to chop the heck out of him, which might be Benoit’s specialty. Some suplexes make it even worse and it’s Hardcore Holly in at #4. Benoit and Eddie are willing to stand back and let Holly chop him as the point is becoming clear in a hurry. Holly hangs him over the rope for the kick to the gut and there’s an Alabama Slam.

Hurricane is in at #5 as Puder is tossed. This was WWE’s way of punishing/initiating Puder for being successful in Tough Enough, because WWE feels the need to torment people for getting over. Puder would never wrestle on the main roster again and I’d be surprised if he had a major appearance. Eddie throws Holly out during Hurricane’s entrance and Hurricane is thrown out a few seconds later, just as Kenzo Suzuki is in at #6. Eddie and Benoit double team him as well but Benoit throws Eddie to the apron in a smart move.

Edge is in at #7 and this should make things more interesting. Chops and right hands abound until Benoit knocks Edge back a bit. Rey Mysterio is in at #8 and as soon as we get rid of Suzuki, a heck of a tag match could break out (with any combination of teams). Rey’s headscissors gets rid of Suzuki but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Eddie to put everyone down. Shelton Benjamin is in at #9 and goes after Rey, who snaps off a headscissors.

Booker T. is in at #10, giving us Booker, Eddie, Benoit, Benjamin, Edge and Mysterio (get one or two more and you have a month’s worth of quality stuff). Rey can’t headscissor Shelton out but here’s Bischoff to watch. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on Eddie, which Rey breaks up with a springboard dropkick. Just in case we don’t have enough awesome talent in the ring, Chris Jericho is in at #11. Jericho goes after Edge with right hands and a belly to back suplex before switching over to Eddie in the corner.

That means a lot more punching and not very close eliminations by the ropes until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #15. Hang on though as Hassan and Daivari jump him in the aisle and Scotty can’t get in. Oh well. If we can drop every man for himself, we can drop 30 to 29. The beatdown takes long enough that it’s Charlie Haas in at #16. Booker kicks him in the face though and then tosses Reigns and Jordan in a row. He stops for a Spinarooni though and that’s enough for Eddie to get the elimination.

The eliminations slow for a bit as Rene Dupree is in at #17. Haas and Benjamin get back together for the jump over onto Rene’s back. Shelton misses a Stinger Splash though and Edge gets the elimination. Simon Dean is in at #18 but before he gets in, we need some Hindu squats. The distraction lets Edge get rid of Eddie and Dean finally gets in…..so Shawn Michaels, in at #19, can superkick him out. Things slow down a bit until Shawn dumps Haas.

Kurt Angle is in at #20 and it’s suplexes a go-go until Shawn superkicks him out. To recap, we now have Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Jericho, Dupree and Michaels. Coach is in at #21 and immediately starts grabbing the rope to save himself. Mark Jindrak is in at #22 but Angle gets back in and throws Shawn out, followed by a step shot to the head for some blood. Angle is finally dragged off and it’s Viscera in at #23.

Rey saves himself from elimination so Viscera slams him in the middle. With nothing else going on, Paul London is in at #24, nearly sliding all the way outside as he comes in. Dupree slams him down and we get the French Tickler. Jericho is smart enough to use the delay to toss Dupree (Tazz: “His tickler just got Frenched!”.). No one can get rid of Viscera so here’s John Cena in at #25 to pick things way up.

Cena backdrops Viscera out on his own because WWE knows how to make someone look like a star in the Rumble. Gene Snitsky, who can run pretty well when he’s all taped up, is in at #26 to shoulder people down. Snitsky sends London to the apron and BLASTS him with a clothesline, sending London inside out for a highlight reel elimination. That gives us the Cena vs. Snitsky showdown with Snitsky hitting the big boot.

Kane is in at #27 and it’s chokeslams all around, with the one armed version to Mysterio looking great. Jindrak is out but Snitsky saves Coach of all people. The pumphandle slam drops Kane but none of that matters because Batista is in at #28 to bring the fans back to full strength (everyone knows it’s coming now and they’re fully on board the Batista train). Snitsky is out first and it’s time for the Kane showdown, with the full on BATISTA chants as background noise.

The Batista Bomb plants Kane and Batista throws Jericho out. Christian is in at #29 and gets beaten down by Cena as Rey hits the 619 on Kane. That’s enough for the FU to get rid of Kane (because Cena is smart enough to use a move like that next to the ropes). Rey and Cena set up an alliance and it’s Ric Flair in at #30, giving us a final field of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batista, Christian and Flair. That’s quite the talent pool. Flair is smart enough to feed Coach into the spinebuster from Batista for the elimination and the same concept gets rid of Christian.

Benoit chops Flair in the corner but takes the big spinebuster as well. That’s it for Benoit but Flair makes the mistake of trying to toss Batista as well. Edge and Mysterio are smart enough to dropkick Batista at the same time with Edge getting rid of Flair (makes sense). That leaves us with Edge, Mysterio, Batista and Cena. Edge hits the spear on Batista and Cena but gets caught by the 619. Rey tries one too many runs off the ropes though and gets sent to the apron for a spear to the floor. Cena and Batista toss Edge and we’re down to the only two people who ever had a shot to win this thing in the first place.

Neither can hit their finisher and the fall out to the floor in the unplanned finish. With the referees split, cue Vince McMahon, who made the mistake of trying to get up from the Gorilla Position in a hurry after three hours. He tries to slide in under the bottom rope and there goes his quad (must be a family trait).

Vince tries to get up and just goes down, so the referees plead their cases as Vince sits down next to the bottom rope. With all of the confusion, they take turns throwing each one over the top (Batista threw Cena first, which makes sense. Cena throwing Batista out after and thinking that would count is just kind of dumb.). Vince says restart the match (and then goes to the back, where he put too much weight on his good leg and tore that quad as well), but for some reason Eddie and Benoit are nowhere to be seen. Batista throws Cena out in about ten seconds to officially win.

Rating: B+. If they could have nailed the ending, this is an all time classic. As it is, it’s just shy of great and that’s a pretty awesome place to be. Cena and Batista were all that mattered here and that was where they went for the ending, but the stuff before that was more than very good as well. They stacked the first half with talent and then had the very well done Angle vs. Shawn segment, which sets up a major match at Wrestlemania. By the time they were done, Cena showed up to bridge things to the ending. All in all, it’s a second tier Rumble at worst and just makes the end of the all time best list at best.

Overall Rating: A-. The Rumble is such a unique show as the one match can carry the rest of the card either up or down. In this case that’s very helpful as the four undercard matches nearly cancel each other out, with a pair of good ones, the bad casket match and the not very good Raw World Title match. What matters here though is they didn’t play any games with the ending and went with their strongest options at the finish. It was the right play and the only thing they could have done. Batista and Cena’s rockets are being attached to their backs and that’s what they have to do. Very good show and bordering on classic.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also -available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6