Wrestle Kingdom 14 Night One: That Is Some Amazing Wrestling

IMG Credit: New Japan Pro Wrestling

Wrestle Kingdom 14 Day One
Date: January 4, 2020
Location: Tokyo Dome, Tokyo, Japan
Attendance: 40,008
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Rocky Romero, Chris Charlton, Gino Gambino

Here we go. It’s time for the biggest non-Wrestlemania show of the year and this time around it’s being split over two nights. There are several major draws this time around, with the first being Jushin Thunder Liger’s final two matches. He’s been around for a mind blowing thirty five years and is still performing at a high enough level but what better place to go out than the biggest stage of them all? Other than that we have the Double Gold Dash, which sees both major singles titles defended Saturday and then the winners and losers facing off on Sunday. Let’s get to it.

As usual: I don’t follow New Japan all that closely so I’ll know a few things but not every detail. If I miss a major plot point or historical point, I apologize in advance. I’m mainly going off of what commentary tells me and nothing more, save for maybe a quick Wikipedia search.

There was a Stardom tag match before the show started, though it was not filmed due to broadcasting rights issues.

Pre-Show: Toa Henare/Karl Fredericks/Clark Connors/Alex Coughlin vs. Togi Makabe/Tomoaki Honma/Yota Tsuji/Yuya Uemura

It’s a battle of the dojos with Henare’s team from Los Angeles and Makabe/Honma’s teams from Japan. Connors headlocks Uemura to start and it’s off to Coughlin to chop him down into the corner. They chop it out again with Coughlin getting the better of things and Fredericks slams him down. Uemura gets in a dropkick and the hot tag brings in Makabe to get a breather.

Everything breaks down with Honma and Makabe hammering away in the corner until Fredericks grabs a spinebuster. Henare and Tsuji come in to slug it out and it’s Henare getting beaten up by all four at once. A falling headbutt gives Honma two and it’s the other three diving in for the save. Tsuji gets a Boston crab on Henare and Coughlin’s chops have no effect in breaking it up. A spear takes Coughlin down but Henare is back up with a kick to the face and the Toa Bottom (exactly what you think it is) finishes Tsuji at 7:38.

Rating: C. Perfectly watchable eight man tag as the Young Lions are a concept that takes some getting used to but it serves a good purpose. That’s what we had here and the fans seemed rather pleased with what they were getting. It helps to have the Lions get to hang in there with the veterans, which is exactly the point. Perfectly fine opener and it didn’t overstay its welcome.

Nanaba Nakanishi/Yuji Nagata vs. Tencozy

It’s a brawl to start with Nakanishi getting double teamed, only to suplex both of them down at the same time. You know, because a guy who turns 53 later this month can do that. A splash gets two on Kojima and it’s off to Nagata for the kicks to the chest. Kojima’s DDT gets him a breather and Tenzan comes in for two off a brainbuster.

Nagata shrugs off a rake to the eyes and suplexes Tenzan down, setting up the next double tag. Everything breaks down and Nakanishi beats up both of them with a clothesline getting two on Kojima. A 3D gets two on Nakanishi and he’s right back up, only to have Kojima hit a running clothesline for the pin at 5:48.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one and it just kind of ended in a hurry instead of having much else being set up. This felt like another instance of getting the legends on the card and there’s nothing wrong with that. The match certainly wasn’t terrible and all four could probably have a passable match in their sleep, but it wasn’t much to see aside fro Nakanishi looking like an old monster.

Post match respect is shown.

The announcers run down the card to send us to the regular show.

The opening video hypes up the Double Gold Dash and everything else, including Liger’s retirement. As usual, we get the matches in order and as usual, I’m not sure if I like that or not.

Naoki Sano/Shinjiro Otani/Tatsuhito Takaiwa/Ryusuke Taguchi vs. Jushin Thunder Liger/Tatsumi Fujinami/Great Sasuke/Tiger Mask

Kuniaki Kobayashi and El Samurai (legends) are the seconds and this is much more about the pageantry than anything else. The fans sing along with Liger’s music and the red and white is on full display for an awesome visual. Norio Honaga (another legend) is guest referee. We get some Big Match Intros, which really is just a way to get everyone one big moment in front of the huge crowd and that’s just fine.

Liger and Sano, the old rivals, start things off with Liger cranking on the arms early on. Sano dropkicks him to the floor though and hits an old man suicide dives and it’s Otani coming in for the Facewash in the corner. Given how old that mask is, Liger’s face might need a good washing. Liger palm strikes Otani down and it’s Takaiwa coming in to Death Valley Drive Tiger Mask and take over.

Taguchi comes in for the hip attacks, setting up Takaiwa’s top rope elbow drop for two. Mask is right back with a quick tiger driver and it’s Fujinami coming in to snap off the dragon screw legwhips. Sasuke misses the Swanton but Sano misses his top rope double stomp. A superplex drops Sasuke though, allowing Liger to come in and hammer away on Taguchi.

Everything breaks down and it’s Taguchi enziguring Liger, who pops right back up. A second slows him down a little more and a double chickenwing faceplant finishes Liger at 8:54. I know Liger probably handpicked the finish but they had to let TAGUCHI pin him??? The popcorn vendor in the fifth row wasn’t available?

Rating: D+. This is a match where the wrestling was completely not the point and it was all about letting Liger go out there with his friends one more time. They could have went out there and had a sandwich and everything would have been fine because it was all about letting Liger do whatever he wanted. Like I said, this was all about the pageantry instead of the match (which wasn’t bad or anything) and that’s all it should have been. Cool moment, with the big one coming over the next two days.

Post match a lot of respect is shown.

Suzuki-Gun vs. Los Ingobernables de Japon

That would be Zack Sabre Jr./Minoru Suzuki/Taichi/Desperado vs. Evil/Sanada/Shingo/Bushi this time around. Suzuki-Gun attacks during the intros as usual. I watch this company 2-3 times a year and even I knew that was coming. Evil knocks Suzuki into the corner and hits a Bronco Buster for an early two. A badly timed charge lets Suzuki tear away at the arm and there’s the first chair shot to Evil’s back.

Back in and Evil has to fight out of the Gotch style piledriver so it’s Desperado coming in for a double arm crank to keep Evil in trouble. We’ll make that a camel clutch with Sanada putting a boot in Evil’s face for a cheating bonus. Shingo comes in to clean house and trades kicks to the face with Taichi, who gets to take off his pants. I prefer Angel Garza thank you. They trade more shots to the head and everyone is down for a bit.

We settle down to Sabre vs. Sanada (who face off for the British Heavyweight Title tomorrow) but Desperado comes in and gets Paradise Locked. Something like an abdominal stretch puts Sanada in trouble but it gets reversed into a pinfall reversal sequence. A dropkick to Sabre’s knee puts him down and it’s Bushi coming in with a missile dropkick. Sabre gets triple teamed but the rest of the team comes in for the save, leaving Sabre to grab the cranked up Rings of Saturn for the tap from Bushi at 8:40.

Rating: C+. There are very few wrestlers that I would stop to watch but Sabre is one of them. He does things in the ring that I can barely understand let alone describe and it is so much fun to watch. When you add in the fact that he is one of the most punchable guys in the industry, it’s hard not to enjoy watching him so much.

Post match Sabre won’t let go until Sanada makes the save.

Chaos vs. Bullet Club

Hirooki Goto/Tomohiro Ishiii/Toru Yano/Yoshi-Hashi vs. Kenta/Bad Luck Fale/Yujiro Takahashi/Chase Owens here. Yano wants to start, sees Fale, and screams. Some running shoulders don’t work as Fale runs him over, meaning it’s time to go for the turnbuckle. With that broken up, it’s Owens coming in instead but Hashi is right there to clean house instead. Takahashi pulls Hashi to the floor as everything breaks down again. We settle down to Fale stepping on Hashi’s chest for two.

Ishii gets tired of waiting and comes in to start beating people up. Fale slams him down and beats up Yano for a bonus, leaving Hashi to hit a neckbreaker on Takahashi. The hot tag brings in Goto to clean house and everything breaks down again. Fake hits Ishii in the face so Ishii headbutts the heck out of him to rock Fale for the first time (that was awesome) and hits a suplex. Goto comes in for the GTR to finish Takahashi at 8:17.

Rating: C. Pretty standard eight man tag here but I loved that headbutt to Fale. There’s something awesome about Ishii being the kind of guy who would just hit a monster in the face and beat him up. The action was fun and Bullet Club seems to be on a downward spiral at the moment, which is probably a good thing given their rather lackluster lineup at the moment.

Post match Kenta stares at Goto before their Never Title match tomorrow.

Tag Team Titles: Juice Robinson/David Finlay vs. Guerrillas of Destiny

Juice and David (FitJuice) are challenging after winning the World Tag League while the champs have Jado in their corner. The brawl starts on the ramp and Juice gets backdropped onto the ramp with Finlay nowhere to be seen. They head inside with Juice in trouble and a dropkick getting an early two.

Juice finally gets in a DDT on Loa and the hot tag brings in Finlay to start taking over. A middle rope elbow to the face puts Loa down again but a Tama distraction lets Loa pull Finlay off the top. Some slingshot sentons have Finlay in more trouble but a spear lets him bring in Juice to take over. A pair of Cannonballs have the champs rocked in the corner but Tama kicks him in the face and snaps off a German suplex.

Everything breaks down with a running dropkick getting two on Tama. Back in and Loa powerbombs Finlay to set up Tama’s top rope splash for two with Finlay making a save. The belly to back neckbreaker gets two more on Finlay and it’s a Magic Killer for Robinson. A super powerbomb is countered with a hurricanrana and the Gun Stun is broken up. Finlay’s Stunner gets two and there’s Pulp Friction to Loa. Finlay hits a Dudley Dog to Tama for the pin and the titles at 13:40 (seven years in a row that the titles have changed here).

Rating: B-. This was the first match that felt a little bit bigger than the rest. Maybe it was having fewer people in the match or the titles changing hands, but I was more into this than any other match on the show. FitJuice doesn’t feel like long term champions and the titles changing hands here is becoming predictable, but beating the Guerrillas is still an accomplishment.

US Title: Jon Moxley vs. Lance Archer

Moxley is challenging, having lost the title due to not being able to make a defense due to travel issues. This is a Texas Deathmatch, meaning you win by a ten count knockout or submission. Moxley wastes no time in throwing the chairs inside but Archer brings his own trashcan lids to start swinging. Hang on though as Archer needs to clear out the Young Lions at ringside.

Moxley runs at him with a knee to hit Archer early before sidestepping him to the floor. That means a dive and you can tell how fired up Moxley is to be here. Some whips into the barricade have Archer in trouble and it’s kendo stick time. That earns him a chair pelted at his head and some trashcan lid shots for a bonus. The kendo stick has Moxley down again and there’s a big shot to the chest in the corner.

Old School doesn’t work for Archer so Moxley unloads on him with the stick. A running trashcan shot to the head puts Archer down again and it’s a running knee to send Archer sprawling on the floor. It’s enough for Archer to drop Moxley on the apron and then throw a Lion at him. Archer isn’t done and hits a big running dive over the top to take out Moxley and the Lions in a big crash. Some chairs are set up in the ring and it’s an Iconoclasm through them for huge pain and a nine count.

Archer grabs a Claw but gets reversed into a cross armbreaker. That’s reversed with a suplex so Moxley plants him with a DDT and some knees to the face. Archer is back up with a hard running shoulder and a chokeslam onto the chair, causing Moxley to writhe around in pain. There’s a big boot and it’s time to put the plastic bag over Moxley’s face, good for two arm drops. Some tables are set up at ringside but Moxley starts fighting back on the apron, meaning it’s a Death Rider (Paradigm Shift/Dirty Deeds) through the tables to give Moxley the title back at 14:27.

Rating: B. These guys beat each other up for a good while and it felt like a fight. Archer felt like a short term champion to Moxley and there is nothing wrong with that when Moxley only lost the title due to the travel issues. Moxley was fighting as hard as he could here and Archer was a heck of a dragon for him to slay. This was a lot of fun and the show is starting to crank up.

Post match Moxley says he’s leaving Tokyo with everything or nothing. We’ll find out which it is tomorrow when he defends against Juice Robinson.

We recap Will Ospreay vs. Hiromu Takahashi. Osprey is defending and Takahashi is trying to get the title back after he lost it due to a broken neck in 2018. These two have worked well together before so hopefully we get another classic between these two.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title: Hiromu Takahashi vs. Will Ospreay

Ospreay is defending and takes him straight to the mat with some amateur stuff before slapping him on the back of the head. Takahashi doesn’t think much of Ospreay chilling on the top so it’s time for an exchange of forearms. A rather snappy hurricanrana puts Ospreay down but there’s no sunset bomb to the floor. There is a powerbomb to the apron though and Takahashi hits a running dropkick off the apron for a bonus.

Back in and Takahashi misses a shoulder to the ribs, allowing Ospreay to hit a double stomp to the back of the head. A hanging DDT gets two on Takahashi and Ospreay bends the neck over the barricade like a villain should. Back in and a Koji Clutch stays on the neck with Takahashi having to get a foot on the rope. Takahashi scores with some chops so Ospreay kicks him in the face to send things back to the apron.

Ospreay misses a flip dive to the floor, flips out of a German suplex onto the ramp, dives back in, and hits a Sasuke Special for one of those crazy sequences that about two people in the world can do. Back in and Pip Pip Cheerio gets two but Takahashi dropkicks him into the corner. A springboard double stomp to the back of the neck crushes Takahashi again though and a missile dropkick to the back of the head gets two.

The Kawada kicks set up the Cheeky Nandos kick but Takahashi manages to grab a super victory roll for his own two. Ospreay is right back with the Robinson Special for two of his own and it’s a hooting star press to Takahashi’s back. The Oscutter connects for two more and they’re both down again. Takahashi grabs a pop up sitout powerbomb for another breather and they slug it out.

Ospreay tries a springboard but gets countered into a German suplex. Takahashi’s Canadian Destroyer gets two more but the Time Bomb is blocked. That’s fine with Takahashi as he superkicks him down, only to have to counter the Stormbreaker. Ospreay grabs a C4 into the Hidden Blade but Stormbreaker is countered into a Code Red for two more. Now the Time Bomb connects for the big near fall so it’s a modified Emerald Flosion to give Takahashi the pin at 24:34.

Rating: A. Yep this was great and I continue to get all of the love for Ospreay. He’s as smooth as you can get in the ring and can fly as well as anyone in the world. Then you have Takahashi, who has impressed me before but never at this level. This was about getting Takahashi back to the top and reaching that goal again, which told a great story and had Ospreay doing stuff that only he could do. Incredible match here and the best thing on the show by a lot.

We recap the Intercontinental Title match. Tetsuya Naito is trying to reclaim his status on top of the roster and he has to win the Intercontinental Title to start. Jay White is defending but everyone hates him so Naito is the huge favorite. The winner is not only champion but also gets the World Title shot tomorrow.

Intercontinental Title: Jay White vs. Tetsuya Naito

Naito is challenging and White has Gedo with him. White bails to the floor to start so Naito grabs Gedo to draw White in. Back in and Naito scores with a dropkick, meaning we hit that Tranquilo pose. Naito catches him coming in and hits a neckbreaker off the apron to put White down again. They go inside again but this time Gedo grabs a boot so White can finally get something in.

Another grab from Gedo lets White crotch Naito against the post and Gedo gets in a chair shot to the knee. The knee gets wrapped around the barricade and White gets to flip into his own Tranquilo pose, plus a Too Sweet for some flavor. The Muta Lock goes on until Naito makes the rope, despite White fish hooking his jaws. A Russian legsweep gives Naito two and there’s the basement dropkick in the corner to make it worse.

Naito ties his legs around White’s arms to crank on the neck some more but White is in the ropes after a pretty freaky looking hold. White can’t hit the Blade Runner so Naito grabs the arm and hammers away at the neck. A Downward Spiral into a German suplex plants Naito though and a legsweep sends him face first into the top turnbuckle. White goes old school with a dragon screw legwhip over the rope and Naito can’t even run the ropes.

A Rock Bottom gets two so White goes even bigger with a Saito suplex over the top. Back in and the Kiwi Crusher gets two more as Naito won’t die. The reverse Figure Four goes on and Naito is in trouble, meaning it’s the long crawl to the rope. Naito somehow fights up with a Liger kick, only to walk into a spinebuster. Another comeback is cut off by Gedo getting inside, only to have Naito score with an enziguri on White.

A super hurricanrana drops him again and Gloria (pumphandle slam) gives Naito two. The referee gets bumped so Gedo brings in a chair, only to get kicked low. White pelts a chair at Naito though and snaps off a dragon suplex. Naito shrugs that off though and hits Destino to put them both down. Another Destino gets two more and it’s a brainbuster into a third Destino to give Naito the pin and the title at 33:53.

Rating: B. It was awesome, though the interference near the end felt really out of place. White is still good, though I can see what some of his critics say. There is another gear that I haven’t seen from him, though maybe it’s due to the match going longer than he should have for him. It’s a rather good match, but not great, even though Naito winning is the right call because he seems to be the big story of the weekend (other than Liger).

We recap Kazuchika Okada vs. Kota Ibushi for the IWGP World Title. Okada is the great champion and Ibushi won the G1 Climax, but again it’s really just a semifinal for the match with Naito, so enjoy it while it lasts.

IWGP Heavyweight Title: Kazuchika Okada vs. Kota Ibushi

Okada is defending and of course has the incredible entrance that he is known for. They stare at each other for a long time to start with the first lockup taking nearly a minute and a half. Ibushi takes him down by the leg as we hear about Okada having a bad arm. A headscissors gets Okada out of trouble and we’re up with a standoff. Okada’s headlock takeover keeps Ibushi down as they’re certainly in first gear to start.

A shoulder drops Ibushi and he’s up in less than a second. The strike off goes to Ibushi and a standing moonsault gives Ibushi two. We hit a one armed camel clutch so Okada makes the rope (with the arm over the leg just to show off). Okada is back up with a running elbow to the face and a DDT gets two. The hanging DDT plants Ibushi again for one as he’s starting to get fired up.

Okada knocks him right back down and puts on the chinlock, only to have Ibushi fight up and hit the dropkick. A powerslam into the middle rope moonsault gets two and they get a breather. They head outside with Okada kicking him over the barricade and following with a heck of a running crossbody. Back in and a modified STF makes Ibushi scream but a rope grab calms things down a bit. Okada drops a top rope elbow and we get the Rainmaker pose (and camera shot).

That’s broken up and the Tombstone is as well, allowing Ibushi to hit his kneeling Tombstone for two. With Okada on the floor, Ibushi hits a springboard moonsault to near perfection (and to Okada). Back in and Ibushi loads up a Kinshasa (complete with pose) but Okada cuts him off with a dropkick. Ibushi shrugs off the forearms and uppercuts and hits Okada in the face. A right hand to the face (a rarity) drops Okada and Ibushi beats him on the ground.

Okada rolls to the apron so it’s a deadlift German superplex, which is countered out of a high fear of death. Instead Okada Tombstones him onto the apron for the big knockout shot, mainly because Ibushi is completely insane. Ibushi beats the count and it’s Heavy Rain (looked like a high angle TKO) for two more. Another Rainmaker attempt is countered with a heck of a lariat to put Okada down for a change.

Now the deadlift German superplex drops Okada on his head for two more but he pops back up with another Tombstone. Ibushi is right back up with his own Rainmaker and the big knee….gets one. Another big knee gets two and the fans are freaking out over the near falls. A third knee is cut off by Okada’s dropkick and they’re both down. They forearm it out again with Okada going down but he’s able to forearm Ibushi off the top.

Okada dives into a powerbomb though, only to avoid the Phoenix splash. Back to back Rainmakers get two and two more connect but Ibushi ducks the fifth. A kick to Okada’s head sets up a knee to the face but Okada is right back with a sitout Tombstone. Another Rainmaker finishes Ibushi to retain the title at 39:18.

Rating: A. I know I get on him about his finisher a lot but dang Okada is incredible to watch. Put him in there with someone as insane as Ibushi and there was no way this wasn’t going to work. Outstanding stuff here and worthy of a Wrestle Kingdom main event, or at least the first of two in a row. Okada can do some amazing stuff and Ibushi is (probably) going to get his chance one day. Awesome main event as they fought over who wanted it more and eventually one of them gave out. Great story, great action, great all around.

Post match Naito comes out and lays his belt down, saying he’s leaving with both titles tomorrow. Naito leaves so Okada thanks Ibushi for the fight and promises to win tomorrow.

The announcers recap the event and talk about the champions.

Overall Rating: A-. They really are great about building things up on these shows, which is where the structured card offers a lot of help. It’s a great show and there are two incredible matches on here, which almost feels weak for a Wrestle Kingdom. I’m still not wild on the double nights though as there were things on here that could have been skipped for the sake of one big show, but that’s the case with every show that goes on for such a long time. Check out the main event and Ospreay vs. Takahashi of course, but the bigger stuff seems to be coming tomorrow.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1998 (2013 Redo): The Glass Ceiling And The Back

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

 

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

 

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

 

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

 

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

 

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

 

 

 

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

 

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

 

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

 

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

 

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

 

 

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

 

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

 

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

 

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

 

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

 

 

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

.what in the world was I on back then?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1998 (Original): The People’s Choice

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We have seen our savior and he is called Austin. So it’s official: Steve Austin ranks somewhere just below free beer in terms of popularity at this point and is the undisputed king of the company. There’s just one thing: he’s not the world champion yet. It’s about as clear as you can make it that Austin is going to win the title at Mania, so this is another formality. However, a few things have happened in the last two months or so.

Number one: Montreal. We have no Bret Hart and Shawn and Vince are now pure evil, especially the latter. The other thing is Starrcade 97, where Hogan’s ego has managed to almost single handedly kill the massive lead that WCW was enjoying. Therefore, even though the results are clear, they have to do this right because if they do, the WWF could actually catch up to WCW (which they did).

Your other main event tonight is Shawn vs. Taker in a casket match, and you know what happens there. I’ve always felt the main event should have been someone else but I’ll get to that later. Anyway, Kane is now apparently face and will be here to help Taker, and you know he wouldn’t ever do anything like turn on him 6 days after joining him or anything like that.

As for the rest of the show, the roster has filled out a lot more now with a lot of the familiar Attitude Era people there now, such as Shamrock, Rock in his more famous form, face Mankind and the Outlaws. Actually a lot of the wrestlers are the same but now they’re in their best forms, which is often the most important part. I have decent memories of this show and it’s certainly important as far as history goes so let’s get it started.

The opening video is about being champion, which is what the show is mainly about so at least it makes sense. The set for the Rumble isn’t elaborate yet as it’s still the circular one that was used for years. Why were there always blimps in the arenas for these things? I’ve never gotten the point of that. Oh yeah Mike Tyson is here tonight too in what turned out to be a big deal for the company as far as going mainstream went. DANG he is getting booed out of the arena.

Vader vs. Goldust

This is actually the Artist Formerly Known As Goldust but I didn’t want to type that out more than once so he’s just Goldust in this. Let’s see: green hair and what we’ll call yellow and blue striped tights. More or less he’s just insane at this point where he’s expressing himself or something like that. It never made a ton of sense but it was different if nothing else.

Vader has just fallen through the floor as far as meaning anything went by this point for no reason that I’ve ever been able to come up with. Well I’ll give him this: he’s still energetic and the fans are WAY into him. Of course that means he’s not worthy of being anything but a jobber in Vince’s company, so there we go. Lawler actually says that he’s glad Goldust is back in men’s clothing for this match.

I think that sums up the Attitude Era pretty well. Vader is just beating the tar out of Goldust at this point. He throws Goldie into the stairs in the worst, weakest looking shot I’ve ever seen. Goldust stopped about 6 inches before he hit them and then tapped them. It looks horrible. We have a hot crowd if nothing else. After a decent comeback, Goldust kisses Vader, and you know what’s coming next.

Apparently Austin isn’t here yet. Why is it that he never got to the arena on time? After putting him down, Vader sets for the Vader Bomb. This takes literally thirty seconds. He deserved the low blow he got from that. There is little more entertaining to me than a big guy just dropping down on someone else.

In a cool looking visual, Luna jumps on Vader’s back as he’s setting for the Bomb again. He’s like screw it who cares and does the move with her on his back. The sight of Luna flying through the air and just stopping dead when Vader lands is great for some reason. Naturally this ends it.

Rating: B-. For an opener, this was a very good choice. The fans were into Vader and he looked quite solid out there. It was a standard beatdown and the ending spot looked cool. It wasn’t epic and it wasn’t supposed to be, so this was exactly right and I’m perfectly fine with it. For the life of me I don’t get the complete lack of push for Vader.

Austin is here and the Godwins follow him. Apparently all 29 other guys want to kill him.

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Yep it’s a mini match. Sunny is referee here to give anyone a reason to care. The three faces combine to weigh less than 260lbs. That’s just amusing. They kept having these matches for no apparent reason other than an attempt at capitalizing on the Luchador craze, which I guess was a better idea than trying to use bad luchadors like they would do in a few months. Max weighs 87lbs and is very fast if nothing else.

Everyone has very generic gimmicks with Batallion being an army guy or something. We’re about two minutes into this and we just saw our 8th arm drag. It’s Trios rules here as in if one of the guys goes to the floor, that’s the same as a tag. We go split screen to look at Tyson who looks like he’s hamming it up for the camera, and to his credit he looks genuine at least. Like I’ve said a dozen times: if you don’t want to be there, at least try to look interested, and Tyson is certainly doing that.

The crowd doesn’t care about anyone in there other than Max. For no apparent reason, Sunny helps Max throwing dropkicks at the other guys. It made no sense but it got a pop so there we go. We hit the floor and there they go. It’s your standard everyone runs to the ropes and hits a big move and it works really well here.

I’ll say this for these guys: they’re not boring. They’re not particularly interesting but they’re not boring either. Max goes to the top (which to be fair is like from the top of a cage for a normal size guy) and hits a rana which leads to a cradle for the pin. This was so far ahead of last year’s Lucha stuff that I can’t even see it back there.

Rating: B-. Again, it wasn’t great, but it was exciting if nothing else. It kept you paying something close to attention so that’s better than nothing at all. Max was more over than all 5 other guys combined so it was smart to have him be the focus of the match.

Granted that might be because he was by far the most talented. Compared to last year’s old guys doing nothing for 11 minutes, this was a good deal shorter at about 8 minutes which helped it out a lot. That doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but three minutes can mean a big difference in a match. Think about how many matches you’ve seen that are about three minutes long. A lot of TV matches are, so there’s time to do a good amount of stuff in there. By keeping this one shorter it was FAR better.

The Nation is looking for Austin but all they find is a foam finger.

Vince and Shane are with Tyson. Shane looks so much more comfortable talking to him than Vince does.

We get a recap of Shamrock vs. the Nation, including Henry turning on him to join the Nation. This was when Rock was taking the leadership of the group over from Farrooq and is also IC Champion at the time, having been handed the title after Austin forfeited the belt to go after the World Title. Cole is with the Rock as we cut to a clip from the Free For All of the Nation arguing over who would win the Rumble.

Cole says that apparently there are problems in the Nation. Rock says apparently you’re an idiot. I love Rock ripping on Cole. It was always priceless. Rock offers advice to Clinton, continuing his gimmick of offering his input on social matters of the time as only he could. It helped play up the People’s Champion thing, and more importantly led to an interview with Gennifer Flowers at Mania where he debuted a rather famous line because of it, if you smell what I’m cooking.

Intercontinental Title: Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Rock comes out alone here. The crowd is way behind Shamrock here as Rocky was flat out hated. We start with a fairly long feeling out period and then we all of a sudden get going. Shamrock is pretty good at the moves he could do, but the problem is he didn’t have a ton of things that he could do well. Since we’re in the Attitude Era, there’s a lot of brawling going on here which makes sense for Shamrock at least.

What doesn’t make sense though is Rock being able to go toe to toe with Shamrock in that area. If he’s supposed to be the best fighter of all time like JR keeps telling us, Rock is amazing then. In an amusing bit, Rock goes for a chinlock but does the arm motion that he would do for the People’s Elbow by swinging his arm around really slowly to hook the chinlock on. I love that.

JR says this isn’t the seniors’ tour which is a clear jab at WCW and how much they messed up the previous month’s show. As Shamrock goes insane, here’s Kama to allow Rock to get some knucks to knock out Shamrock. Now in a brilliant move Rock puts them in Shamrock’s tights. Ken kicks out and hits a belly to belly for the pin and the title. Rock gets up a bit later and says to check his tights. You can see the ending coming from here and the decision is reversed.

In a great moment, the referee is checking his tights and points to the crotch and asks what is that? It’s as humorous as it sounds. Yep, the referee gets the ankle lock too. They would do a similar screw job ending at Mania where Shamrock was named the winner again but didn’t get the title again. Rock would finally lose the belt at Summerslam in an epic ladder match with HHH. On a replay we see Rocky hitting him with the knucks.

We also see the problem with it as the knucks are on the back of Rock’s hand, but the way Rock throws punches, the part where the brass is sticking out wouldn’t have touched Ken’s head, but why should we care about that?

Rating: C+. This was what it was. It wasn’t meant to be anything great and they didn’t try to make it something it wasn’t which is the smart thing to do. The ending was at least somewhat creative so they get points for that. I don’t get why they did the same kind of ending at Mania, but whatever. This was fine. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible given what they had to work with here.

We see exclusive footage of Rock in his locker room taking off his boots when Shamrock jumps him. For some reason Shamrock has had time to take a shower and put on jeans while Rock doesn’t even have his boots off yet, despite Rock having left first.

Los Boricuas are looking for Austin. They find the DOA instead and of course they fight like they did for months. I think a combined 5 people cared in all those fights.

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws which more or less consists of old school vs. new and it’s not that interesting but it’s ok I guess. Basically the LOD are old and cool and the Outlaws are jerks. Nothing is different I guess. Oh and they beat up the LOD and shaved Hawk’s head while wearing Cartman shirts. Seeing South Park being considered cutting edge and underground stuff is just ridiculous to think of.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

They’re wearing Favre jerseys for no apparent reason. Oh apparently Favre just beat the 49ers and we’re in the Bay Area. Hawk and Animal look at clips of them being beaten up and say that this is about pride or something. Animal is completely insane in this promo. Why are the LOD referred to as American Originals? I’ve never gotten the point to that reference. I’m sorry to shock those of you with heart conditions, but this starts out as a brawl. I know I can’t believe it either.

The heels try to run and naturally that doesn’t work at all. JR actually mentions the Horsemen on a WWF program. He follows that up by saying this might be a matter of time, more or less giving away the ending. There’s zero flow to this match at all. It’s just random insanity and I don’t recall any tagging here at all. That’s fine in spurts but it needs some sort of structure to be legitimate at all.

To further the insanity here, Hawk gets handcuffed to the turnbuckle while the injured Animal is beaten on. We shift over to a one on two match here with Animal fighting for all he’s worth. He hits a powerslam and has it won when a chair from Road Dogg breaks it up for the DQ as we STILL can’t have a clean ending in a match that means anything. They start the beatdown, but Hawk and the power of the 80s breaks the handcuff and after a bunch of chair shots, the LOD reign supreme.

Rating: D+. This match can almost sum up everything about the Attitude Era as a whole. You have a classic team like the LOD that got world title shots back in the 80s and then you have these two guys that aren’t great workers to begin with but get heat based off of shock tactics. There was little tagging and most of this match was brawling. There’s the Attitude Era in a few lines.

Some chick in Tennessee wins Austin’s truck.

We get a recap about how Austin is a marked man or whatever. In other words we get a package to futher drill into our heads that Austin will indeed win the Rumble tonight.

Royal Rumble

Fink claims that it’s every 2 minutes for intervals. It’s really closer to 90 seconds if you pay attention and considering the whole thing lasts 56 minutes, 2 minute intervals are impossible unless the last guy is thrown out before he gets to the ring. Cactus Jack is first and apparently Jack, Dude Love and Mankind got into a fight over who would be in the Rumble and Jack won.

Second is Chainsaw Charlie, who is more commonly known as Terry Funk in some weird crazy man gimmick. When I say crazy I mean crazier than usual. He brings a fake chainsaw with him, so Foley throws chairs at both him and it, which produce no sparks. There’s about 5 chairs and a saw in the ring and we’re underway. Aww the referee gets the saw out of the ring. Anyway, Funk says for Foley to blast him with a chair so he does.

Foley hands it to Funk so Funk can have a free shot. This is either cool or mind blowingly stupid. Tom Brandi is 3. Think Santino but less talented and stupider and that’s what you have. In a move that shocks no one, he’s thrown out in about 10 seconds. This is a weird hardcore kind of thing here as Funk has his customary convulsions. Number four is Rock to some weak heat. Ah ok there it is. Foley hits him with a trash can to show off their future hardcore epics.

The hardcore guys beat him up as Lawler is panicking. Mosh is fifth as I’m starting to hate the Attitude Era. He gets the biggest pop of all five guys so far. Naturally Funk goes for the moonsault and it misses. I don’t get the point in having such an insane start to the match. Phineas is 6th. He and Hank are heels here and it just failed on so many levels. More or less they switched to creepier music and wear the rebel flag so now they’re heels.

Yeah it bombed big time, so naturally they were pushed for about another year or so until the company woke up and let Hank go and changed Phineas to Mideon. Funk throws some chops and the wooing begins. Number seven is 8-Ball to continue the greatness of this Rumble. Seriously, considering there’s three world champion out there, this is just boring so far. Funk puts out Cactus as the crowd couldn’t care less.

Allegedly someone has attacked Austin but King won’t say who. Bradshaw replaces Cactus at number 8 to really enhance the greatness in there. Owen Hart is number nine, but Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette who were representing the NWA of all things jump him as Ross declares Cornette a stain on the underwear of life. For the love of all things good left in the world, someone lobotomize JR before he hurts himself. For some reason Owen gets huge cheers from Tyson. That’s just odd.

Owen can’t get in the ring and is just laying on the floor. Steve Blackman is tenth. He’s a complete WWF rookie at this point despite having a ton of experience in other companies before this. We mull around even more as the ring is way too full. All of the guys I’ve listed are in other than Jack and Brandi. Owen is still down as number 11 is D’lo Brown. There are 5 members of the Nation in the Rumble tonight which is kind of impressive.

Shamrock may have been the guy that got to Austin. Rock goes the heck off on Blackman with some insanely fast kicks. At this point we’re just waiting on some monster to come out and get rid of some of these guys. No one cares as there is zero chance Austin is going to lose.

Number 12 is Kurrgan. Now this was an interesting character to say the least. He was completely dominant so of course they made him a comedy character by the fall. He gets rid of Mosh so if nothing else he’s done his job. How weird is it to think that Bradshaw of all people would wind up having a 9 month world title reign out of all these guys in there? Mero and Sable come out at 13. Good grief Mero was a depthless character.

Blackman is gone via Kurrgan. Bradshaw beats on him a bit which at least looks kind of cool. Shamrock comes out to a BIG pop. He goes straight for Kurrgan and knocks him down with relative ease to allow a big group of people to dump him out. In 20 seconds, Shamrock has managed to get the crowd to actually cared about the match which the other 12 hadn’t been able to do in almost half an hour. Thrasher comes out at 15.

The ring is WAY too full at this point. There’s a very loud Sable chant. Lawler keeps talking about how he wants to fight Tyson which is just perfectly good cheap heel heat. 16 is Mankind as we hit one of my all time favorite Rumble bits. Yes, all three of Foley’s personas are in the Rumble. He puts out Funk with relative ease. In a very unintentionally funny moment, Shamrock is trying to get Rock out in the corner.

The tape freezes just for a second and Shamrock’s arms are under Rock and his head is laid on his stomach and the look on his face looks like he’s lovingly smiling. It’s just great. Anyway Goldust is 17th and this time he’s rocking a silver body suit with painted on women’s lingerie including g-string. The ring is WAY too full here. I would list them all off for you, but it would be Austin Fodder #1, 2, 3, 4 etc. There’s about 10 guys in there and no one cares about most of them.

Goldust puts out Mankind who wasn’t a big deal just yet. Jarrett is 18th and Owen finally gets in and beats the living tar out of him. After skinning the cat, Owen dumps Jarrett. There’s a big rant coming on Owen later so stick around for that. And from out of nowhere Honky Tonk Man is 19th. Rock puts out Shamrock as HHH and Chyna come out. HHH is hurt and not in the match. Owen tries to get rid of Goldust, allowing HHH and Chyna to use a pair of crutches to eliminate him.

Ok screw waiting for later. At the end of the previous In Your House, Owen had jumped Shawn to end the show, making his first appearance since Montreal. He beat Shawn up and then ran off into the crowd. Every single sign in the world said that Owen vs. Shawn would be the title match at the Rumble. Think about it: Owen comes back to avenge his brother’s honor so the drama and story are already there.

Owen can actually hang with Shawn in the ring so it’s not like the match would be boring or something. Owen was getting insane reactions from the crowds at this point so it’s not like they wouldn’t buy it. So given how obvious this was, Shawn vetoed it. Owen made the epic return and was promptly fed to HHH.

Yes, instead of going with the money match at the Rumble of Owen vs. Shawn, I’m assuming Shawn was afraid that Owen would either upstage him or shoot on him, so he somehow convinced everyone that the best choice was for Owen to just go back down into the midcard and job to HHH and Jarrett and stay far away from the title picture, and showing the power of the Clique, it worked.

Owen was made to look like a joke over the next three months, having a tiny feud with Jarrett that went nowhere and then jobbing to HHH to make him look good. At least Shawn got what was coming to him all those years later in the casket match, which he lobbied for. I hate to say it, but he got what he deserved.

Ahmed Johnson is number 20 and no one cares. He was just completely wasted by this point and it failed miserably. The crowd is pretty much dead here. Lawler lets it slip that Honky is his cousin. We accidentally hear someone say that someone isn’t cleared to wrestle which we’ll get to in just a few moments. Mark Henry is 21st. In a great stat, Henry is one of 17 people in this Rumble that have never been in one before.

Ross says Henry is handling the big Johnson. I’m not going near that one. There is no number 22 and everyone thinks it was supposed to be Austin. It turns out that it was supposed to be Skull, but he was hurt earlier in the attack by the Boricuas and was who the accidental voice was talking about. Phineas and Ahmed are gone with Phineas landing on a referee in an amusing spot. The crowd really couldn’t care less here.

Kama is number 23, and here’s the best recap I can give you: Rock, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo, Mero, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky, Henry and Kama. Holy jobber fest Batman. Austin it 24th to an EPIC pop. I mean the fans went insane for that glass shattering. Literally everyone in the ring turns to the entrance to jump him, but he comes through the crowd and knocks out Mero and 8-Ball with relative ease.

Why in the world did they insist on constantly making Brown a big deal or at least trying to? Never mind he’s been upstaged by the failure that is heel Henry Godwin. We start the final five with Savio, who leads the completely worthless Boricuas who all go after Austin despite not being in the match. Naturally they’re easily dispatched. There are WAY too many people in there. I’m counting 11 I think.

Farrooq is 27th as all 5 members of the Nation are in there now. Naturally he beats on all of the other 4 members. I’ve always thought they missed the boat with Farrooq. He was clearly a great athlete with a solid character yet they never pulled the trigger on him. Rock and Austin go to the floor through the ropes. Dude Love is 28th which gets a nice pop. Foley was such a brilliant character when you think about it.

Kane was Isaac Yankem and Fake Diesel etc. Kama was Papa Shango, Godfather etc. The thing is, those other characters are never mentioned. They’re simply repackaged to give them a fresh start and that’s fine. Foley took it completely the other way. They made him all three characters at once with no attempt at hiding it. That’s very unique and I don’t think it’s been done otherwise. Anyway he puts out Bradshaw in about a second.

Rock does the overrated elbow on Brown and gets beaten up by Austin for it. At least Austin recognizes overrated moves. Chainz, another guy I thought could have been more than he was, is 29th making Vader number 30. There goes Brown to lighten us up a bit.

Ok, so with all 30 in, here are your possible winners: Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky, Henry, Kama, Godwin, Vega, Farrooq, Dude Love, Chainz, Vader and Austin. I wonder who the win…never mind that joke is just stupid. Who thought it was a good idea to have 13 people in at the end? Vader puts out Honky. The crowd still doesn’t care at all. There goes Thrasher to a tiny pop.

Kama is gone as we’re starting to clear the ring out. Ross thinks Brown is still in for some reason. There goes Vega as Austin has dropped three in a row now. Goldust puts out Vader because Vader can’t do anything since he’s an over character. Instead we have to have a freak character be put over again. Henry and Goldust go out. Farrooq just shows off by throwing out Henry.

Chainz was put out by Austin over the corner and slammed into the steps which just looked SICK. The final four are Farrooq, Rock, Dude Love and Austin. I’ve always loved Dude’s Sweet Shin Music. Farrooq eliminates Dude. Say that out loud and see how ridiculous it sounds. Ross is ticked off for some reason at Rock resting while Farrooq fights Austin.

Farrooq was in for about 10 minutes while Rock had already wrestled earlier and had been in over 50 minutes at this point. I guess according to JR that’s nothing. Anyway the final two are Rock and Austin. They slug it out and the fans are buying every bit of it. After a Stunner Austin shocks no one as he’s going to Wrestlemania.

Tyson is happy too. We get a quick interview with Tyson, who despite calling Austin Cold Stone, which to be fair sounded far more like a slip of the tongue rather than him just not knowing what he was saying, says he’s very happy and looking forward to the main event. If nothing else, he’s very enthusiastic and sounds like a legit fan.

Rating: D+. This was a bad Rumble in every sense of the word. The big problem here is clear so I’ll ignore that. The problem is there’s no one out there that was even a potential challenger. There was almost no flow to this either. The closest thing to a story was the Nation but it got no play at all.

That’s the problem here: there’s no story or drama at all and it just crippled the thing. We knew Austin would win, but the question was how. The problem was there was no way to disguise the fact that he was going to win and it really hurt the match. There really was no way to make this great, but they at least could have made it ok.

We recap Taker vs. Shawn. More or less they were trying to just pick up their rivalry from the fall like nothing ever happened. Good night Shawn took a beating in the Cell. Kane has broken away from Paul Bearer and apparently has joined Taker to help him fight off DX. For some reason Taker accepted his brother that hated him with no issue at all. I’ll give you two guesses as to how that’s going to work out.

Casket Match: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Fink looks REALLY weird for some reason here. It looks like he’s being forced to announce at gunpoint or something. We get a weird comment from JR about Shawn: He may not be in a class of his own but it doesn’t take long to call the role. Wait, what? If he’s the world champion and the best big match guy ever, why wouldn’t he be in a class of his own? Also, Ross tries to say HBK has a better record in big matches than anyone including Hogan. That’s just laughable.

Shawn’s overselling of Taker putting the lights back on is great. Shawn of course has to run here and punch where he can, but we get my favorite spot that Taker keeps using as he just grabs Shawn by the throat and throws him into the corner. I’ve always loved that. In a very cool spot, Shawn goes for a crossbody from the middle rope and Taker catches him in a two handed choke. That looked great. And there it is.

Shawn is backdropped over the top rope and slams him back on the casket, more or less shattering it and putting him on the shelf for four and a half years after Wrestlemania. You can tell something just isn’t right with him at this point, and oddly enough a fan shouts out BREAK HIS BACK while Taker is beating Shawn up. As usual, Taker is just beating the living heck out of Shawn.

That’s your formula for the majority of this match: Taker beats up Shawn, Shawn hits a little something, Taker beats up Shawn some more. Eventually Shawn hits a kick out of nowhere, but Taker doesn’t really do much about it. We go near the casket a few times which is always good, but the best part is Shawn in the casket and trying to get out while Taker pulls him back in.

It’s a very cool shot that’s been done many times since but never as well as there. Eventually the tombstone hits and Shawn is dead, but Los Boricuas (which is incorrect grammar but whatever) and the Outlaws run out.. Cue Kane, but of course he turns on Taker to throw him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn. That’s not the end though, as Kane nails Taker into the casket and starts walking it back up the stage.

In one of the most famous scenes of his career, he covers it in “gasoline” and lights it on fire. JR is FREAKING as we go off the air. Of course Taker magically disappeared from the casket, setting up his return just in time for a Mania match with Kane.

Rating: B. This one is hard to mess up. These two worked very well together and this was no exception. They’re just perfectly suited to one another and they showed why here. Granted they more or less did the exact same thing as they did in the Cell, but it still worked.

Obviously the bigger story here is Shawn’s back, but that’s been covered more elsewhere because no one knew how bad he was hurt at this point. The match was fine, but it was clearly more about the angle than the match, which is ok here.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a show where the individual matches don’t add up to the final grade. This is a lot more like a transition show than anything else, with most of what you see here just setting up stuff for later on. It set up Shawn vs. Austin which had to happen for the company to survive as well as Taker vs. Kane, but other than that there’s just not much here.

I really didn’t like this show all that much, but it was ok I suppose. There have been worse Rumbles, but not that many. Watch it if you haven’t seen it before I guess, but you likely won’t want to again.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – January 6, 2020: The New Year In The Ring

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 6, 2020
Location: Chesapeake Energy Arena, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Jerry Lawler

It’s a big night as we get some fallout from last week’s messy/controversial wedding plus the return of Brock Lesnar as we are less than three weeks away from the Royal Rumble. That means things need to pick up in a hurry and something needs to be done around here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap from the wedding, focusing on Liv Morgan’s big surprise of course.

Opening sequence.

Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman for a chat. Heyman talks about Brock wondering who will be facing him at the Royal Rumble but realizing that no one from Raw, Smackdown or NXT is worthy. That’s why Brock is going to do something unprecedented, which is what he does. Brock promised to beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania and then he did it. So what is his next unprecedented move? Brock is entering the Royal Rumble at #1 so he can fight twenty nine people at once. Heyman promises Lesnar will throw everyone out and win the whole thing and yes, that is a spoiler. No word on if the title will be on the line.

I saw someone suggest this same idea somewhere else and it’s an interesting idea. I’d prefer this over having Lesnar face and destroy someone else like he’d done over the last few years, though I’m almost scared to imagine who we might get as the person who throws Lesnar out. Still though, interesting idea.

Rey Mysterio is fired up for his United States Title shot and thanks his son for being his inspiration. Tonight, he’s taking the title back to represent Latinos.

United States Title: Andrade vs. Rey Mysterio

Andrade is defending and has Zelina Vega with him. Andrade starts punching away to start so Rey climbs onto his shoulders so they can fall outside. A victory roll sends Andrade face first into the steps and Zelina panics. Back in and Andrade dropkicks him out of the air as we take a break.

Back with both guys staggered but Rey gets to the apron for a springboard seated senton. The tornado DDT gets two but Andrade ties him in the ropes. The top rope double stomp misses so Rey tries the sliding sunset bomb, only to have Andrade roll through and hit double knees to put Rey down again. Back in and Rey busts out a Canadian Destroyer to knock Andrade silly for the pin….but Vega got the foot on the rope just in time. Rey celebrates but we have to keep going so we take another break.

We come back with Rey hitting a running hurricanrana off the apron to send Andrade crashing into the barricade. A sunset bomb sends Andrade into the post and the springboard Fameasser gives Rey two more. Andrade is back with a wheelbarrow faceplant for the same but Rey hurricanranas him into the ropes for the 619.

Andrade manages to roll outside so Rey dives onto Zelina by mistake. The distraction lets Andrade send him into the post and Rey is staggered. He’s so banged up that the referee breaks up the hammerlock DDT so Rey staggers to the floor, where he seems to check on Zelina. Back in and the hammerlock DDT retains the title at 19:52.

Rating: B. These two are incapable of having a bad match and WWE knows they can put them out there for a good match every single time. I’m curious about how they’re going somewhere with the tensions between Andrade and Vega, though Andrade getting the big win is what matters most here.

Post match Andrade rips off Rey’s mask. A Rumble rematch with some stipulations could work well.

We look back at Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens fighting back against the AOP.

Owens and Joe confirm that they are usually out for themselves, but Joe has someone to join in with them. Joe tells Owens not to worry about who it is.

The AOP doesn’t seem thrilled but Rollins isn’t worried. Rollins has overcome challenges forever and is used to it because he is the chosen one of Monday Night Raw. Anyone who steps up to them will be taken care of by the AOP.

Tag Team Titles: OC vs. Viking Raiders vs. Street Profits

The Raiders are defending but first, the Profits say they’re blinging in the new decade. Tonight, they want the smoke. Erik throws Anderson down to start and it’s Ivar coming in to send him face first into Erik’s knee. A blind tag lets Dawkins come in to dropkick Anderson but Ford does the same, meaning it’s a flip off with Ivar.

Gallows, a self described non-fan of cartwheels, unloads on Ford in the corner before Anderson knocks Ford down for two. That’s enough waiting around for the Raiders as they both come in to clean house with Gallows having to save Ford after the Viking Experience. Everyone fights to the floor with the OC getting the better of things as we take a break. Back with Anderson chinlocking Erik but the comeback is on in a hurry.

Erik jumps over Anderson in the corner and dives over for the hot tag to Erik. House is cleaned in a hurry but the Bronco Buster misses. Dawkins and Eric tag themselves in with the spinebuster into the frog splash connecting on Erik. Ivar makes the save and it’s Ford hitting the running flip dive onto Gallows and Dawkins. That leaves Anderson to get powerbombed into a splash from Ivar to retain the titles at 15:13.

Rating: B-. This was the kind of action packed match that you would have expected here, though I’m curious to see who the Vikings can face now. There isn’t really anyone left but the AOP and the good thing is that doesn’t need much of a build. Just let them hit each other a lot at the Rumble and everything will be fine.

Joe won’t say who the partner is but he’ll show Owens. They go to a locker room and Owens sees the partner, which makes him very happy.

Here’s Becky Lynch to talk about her match with Asuka. Becky has been the confident champion but now she needs to rethink things. Yeah she’s been on the cereal boxes and walked the red carpets but there is one person she can’t beat. We see clips of Asuka beating her multiple times but here’s Asuka to cut her off. Asuka shouts in Japanese but Becky punches her down and walks off.

Mojo Rawley gets to look inside Erick Rowan’s cage and screams a lot.


We recap the US Title match.

Andrade and Zelina brag about the win but here’s an unmasked Rey to jump Andrade from behind and take the mask back. With the mask on again, Mysterio steals the title and leaves.

Erick Rowan vs. KJ Orso

Rowan grabs him before the bell and says he knows Orso wants to see what’s in the cage. Orso gets back inside and says bring it on so Rowan kicks him in the face. The Iron Claw is good for the pin at 23 seconds.

Post match Rowan puts Orso’s head near the cage and Orso comes up with a bloody face, sending him running away.

AJ Styles vs. Akira Tozawa

We see a clip of last week’s surprise RKO from Randy Orton, who faces AJ again next week. Tozawa kicks away to start but AJ gets in a shot out of the corner. The Phenomenal Forearm connects, but AJ pulls him up at two. A Randy Orton hanging DDT drops Tozawa again and an RKO gives AJ the pin at 2:20.

Post match AJ strikes Orton’s pose to really rub it in. AJ leaves and a fan runs in so security deals with him as we take a break.

We look at the wedding again.

Here are Lashley and Lana with the minister from last week in the ring (apparently the minister was the fan, which would be some major miscommunication). Lana is furious about last week and wants things made right so they get married in a hurry, because the minister can officiate weddings in multiple states.

Lana kicks the minister out for being boring but still doesn’t seem happy. It’s because of all these people here who don’t want to see this ring on her finger. Last week a bunch of exes came out to interrupt the wedding over and over again because so many people are so jealous of their love. Lashley says Rusev is the sorriest of them all but here’s Rusev on the screen, standing in front of a superimposed island.

Since Lana and Lashley didn’t have a honeymoon, he’s taking it for them. But first, he needs to give them their wedding gift: a wedding album, with pictures from last week’s fiasco. Lana rants about how much she hates Rusev….and Lashley tells her to shut up. Lashley says Rusev used to be a man but they need to fight one more time. Rusev agrees to fight him next week and the Bulgarian Brute will be back. There was no reference to or mention of Liv Morgan.

R-Truth is ready for the new decade but Liv Morgan interrupts to say she’ll be in Rusev’s corner next week. It’s a moment she lives for.

Charlotte vs. Sarah Logan

Logan jumps her before the bell and they fight to the floor with Charlotte hammering away against the barricade. They go into the crowd for a bit until Charlotte throws her back over, only to get posed for her efforts. With Charlotte down, Logan grabs the robe and slams it onto the mat a few times. A spear puts Logan down on the floor and Charlotte suplexes her into the barricade. Charlotte sends Logan into the post, puts the robe on, and leaves. No match as the bell never rang.

Erick Rowan, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio and Ricochet are official for the Rumble.

Drew McIntyre vs. No Way Jose

Jose starts fast but gets kicked in the ribs for his efforts. An overhead belly to belly sends Jose flying but Drew heads outside to beat up the Conga Line. Back in and the Future Shock sets up the Claymore to finish Jose at 1:45.

Post match McIntyre asks if the fans want to see another Claymore. Drew throws Jose back in and kicks his head off a second time. It’s interesting that Drew has never had a World Title shot, so he’s in the Rumble as well.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Aleister Black

Black grabs a rollup for an early two before having a seat to mess with Benjamin’s mind. What looked like a Rings of Saturn attempt is countered into a deadlift to put Black down. Some forearms have Black rocked but he’s right back with Black Mass for the pin at 1:58.

Post match Buddy Murphy jumps Black and sends him into the post. Murphy tosses Black into the timekeeper’s area and hits the running knee to the face. A chair is put under Black’s face and it’s a knee to smash the chair into Black. Murphy sits on the barricade as medics come out.

Seth Rollins/AOP vs. Samoa Joe/Kevin Owens/???

Rollins is officially dubbed the Monday Night Messiah and says he knows what is best for everyone. The mystery partner is….the Big Show, who hasn’t wrestled in over a year due to hip surgery. Show cleans house to start and hits a big chop on Rollins to send us to a break. Back with Rollins still in trouble as Owens hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Rezar gets in a cheap shot though and sends Owens into the barricade, as the fans want Big Show.

Back in and we hit the neck crank on Owens to slow things down so Show starts playing cheerleader (the veterans are always good at that). The side slam/middle rope stomp combination gets two on Owens and it’s off to Rollins for a chinlock of his own. Owens fights up and hits an enziguri on Akam, so Rezar comes in to knock Joe off the apron. That earns him a superkick from Owens and the hot tag brings Show back in. Joe gets sent into the steps, leaving Show to pull Rollins out of the air. The double chokeslam to AOP is broken up with a chair shot from Rollins for the DQ at 10:15.

Rating: C-. I know the fans were chanting for him a bit during the match, but Big Show? I don’t think he’s going to be a big feature attraction but I don’t exactly see this as being the impactful move that WWE thinks it might be. It has been a long time and I was surprised to hear that music again, though the excitement died down in a hurry as you knew the DQ or countout was coming. It’s a nice surprise in the short term but long term, they’re going to need something else.

Post match the beatdown is on but Show punches Rollins out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There was more of an effort this week and that was noticeable all night long. It’s clear to tell when they are trying and when they aren’t and it was the former this week. I’m glad to see that as we are getting close to the Royal Rumble, though it would be nice to see it take place more often than just this time of year. Anyway, good wrestling tonight but some of the angles weren’t that thrilling. There’s a good chance I’ll be at the show next week and I really hope I don’t regret the decision (again).

Results

Andrade b. Rey Mysterio – Hammerlock DDT

Viking Raiders b. OC and Street Profits – Frog splash to Anderson

Erick Rowan b. KJ Orso – Iron Claw

AJ Styles b. Akira Tozawa – RKO

Drew McIntyre b. No Way Jose – Claymore

Aleister Black b. Shelton Benjamin – Black Mass

Big Show/Samoa Joe/Kevin Owens b. Seth Rollins/AOP via DQ when Rollins used a chair

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1997 (2017 Redo): Again Shawn, Again

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Vader vs. Undertaker

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1997-why-austin-was-a-near-perfect-character/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count- Up – 1997 (2013 Redo): That’s Some Serious Talent

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,525
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The opening video is about Shawn of course. Expect to hear that name a lot tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. HHH

A guillotine slows Goldust down and apparently two fans who have sat in the Alamodome for weeks for the show have been thrown out. Gee, I wonder if Super Shawn can help them out. An uppercut gets two on HHH and Goldust laughs a lot before being knocked to the floor. HHH goes up top (!) and dives down onto Goldust to send him into the barricade. The jumping knee misses Goldust though and HHH hits the steel to change momentum again.

HHH hits the jumping knee for two but hurts his own leg in the process. Goldust lariats him down but gets crotched on the top for his efforts. After shoving HHH off, Goldust misses a top rope elbow and the title is thrown in. HHH kisses Marlena but gets blasted by the belt for two. A Hughes distraction is enough for HHH to hit the Pedigree to retain.

Bret whines about being a marked man tonight. You could feel the heel turn coming and it was going to be glorious.

Mankind, another newcomer, is ready for the Rumble but he wants to hurt people instead of go to Wrestlemania.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Post match Ahmed chases off the Nation and powerbombs a member through the announce table.

Faarooq yells at the Nation actors for bailing on him. He says this is just beginning.

Undertaker vs. Vader

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Take six guys, throw them in the ring for ten minutes to pop the crowd. I just hope I can remember which is which. Metal vs. Garza to start. Ok so Metal is in the yellow and black tights. Got it. They speed things up to stat before quickly hitting the mat. Off to Aguayo vs. Estrada who is in the white tassels. Perro chops Jerry down and backdrops him out to the floor.

The attendance is announced and no one really cares.

Royal Rumble

Austin dumps Phineas as well and is alone in the ring to face Bart Gunn at #6. Bart gets in some offense but is gone in about thirty seconds. Austin sits on the ropes until Jake Roberts is #7. The music sounds really different in the big stadium setting. Jake pounds away and works on the arm a bit and hits the short clothesline, but Austin backdrops him out to counter the DDT.

The Sultan (Rikishi) is #10 as the ring is finally getting a crowd going in there. Sultan and Pierroth fight on the ropes as Austin is sent to the apron. Pierroth tries to slam Sultan like an idiot as the match continues to be dull. Mil Mascaras, Mexican legend, is #11. He FINALLY gets a reaction as he beats up on Sultan a bit. Sultan belly to bellies him down and we get some of the legendary no selling from Mascaras. HHH is #12 and there goes Sultan via Bulldog.

Bret stays on Austin and hits a backbreaker as Fake Diesel (you know him better as Kane) is #23. The good thing here is that Kane actually looks like Diesel from about ten feet away and is nearly identical from behind. Razor looked like a bad Halloween costume. Diesel goes after Hart before slowing down to let Austin do the work. Terry Funk is #24 to give us a very strong lineup in there at the moment. Funk is sent to the apron but Hart makes a save, earning him a punch to the ribs from Terry.

Taker sends Mankind out a second later to get us down to five. Vader beats on Taker as Austin does the same to Diesel. Bret throws Austin out to a HUGE pop but the referees were breaking up a fight between Mankind and Funk. Austin slides back in, dumps Vader and Taker, then dumps Bret who just eliminated Diesel, and Austin wins the Rumble!

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

We hit the reverse chinlock again but Shawn fights up with right hands. He slams Sid down and hits the forearm to set up the nip-up. The top rope elbow hits but Shawn is knocked to the floor before the superkick can hit. Shawn gets powerbombed on the floor so Sid grabs both Lotharios. That goes nowhere so Shawn pounds away even more. Dang he popped up fast after that powerbomb.

Shawn celebrates for a LONG time to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ahmed Johnson vs. Farrooq

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

That overall rating surprised me. How could I go that high after nearly the same grades leading up to it?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1997 (Original): The First Of Many

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,325
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

A lot has changed here for once. We’re about as close to the Attitude Era as you can get without actually being in it. The roster is now far closer to being set to what would become the Attitude Era. Bret vs. Austin is in full swing as they had their forgotten classic at Survivor Series. Also we now have guys like Mero and Farrooq, but more importantly, people like Mankind and Rock are here now, so the core is here now.

As you might have noticed, we’re in Shawn’s hometown in front of a massive audience. Shawn recently lost the title, so I wonder how tonight is going to end. This is around the time that WCW is just flat out dominating in the ratings. Raw is averaging I think a 2.0 at this point, and they’re happy with it. It was just flat out bad all around, and you could tell the WWF was in a free fall. This show is actually kind of co-promoted with AAA, the Mexican organization.

The problem with this is simple: WCW had a deal with every bit of good Luchador talent in the world, so Vince got the bottom of the barrel here for the most part. Anyway, this is an oddly remembered show, so let’s get to it.

The preshow had three matches with Luchadors, including minis, which included Mini Vader and Mini Mankind. I give up.

The intro is of course about Shawn, who clearly can’t be blamed for the ratings tanking. I’m being partially serious there, as there was no one that was going to be able to take on Hogan and the NWO at that point. They say that tonight isn’t about accolades, just that WWF Title thingamajig. That twangy music is going to make me punch someone before this show is over. We have French announcers here for some reason.

Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Goldust

Goldust is freshly face here, which granted no one gets including the announcers but whatever. HHH has been climbing the ladder recently, as his push is back on after the Curtain Call aborted it. In short, allegedly the Austin push was supposed to go to HHH, but there was the incident at Madison Square Garden. What happened was it was Nash and Hall’s last night with the company, so after Shawn beat Nash in a cage match, the four of them broke kayfabe and hugged.

I’m sure you’ve all seen the footage. Nash and Hall were leaving, Shawn was the company at that point, so there was just HHH left to take the fall. Instead of becoming the big deal in June, he had to wait about 6 months before it happened. I’m not sure I buy that, as Austin’s popularity would have been there anyway. Granted it was the KOTR match against Roberts that gave him Austin 3:16, and without that there’s no Austin super boom, so maybe it wouldn’t have happened.

See what a single promo can do for you? Anyway, HHH had been having different women on his arm every time he came to the ring and he went after Marlena. This set off Goldust and actually got Lawler to ask him on live television if he was a queer (Lawler’s word). This set him off and as HHH tried to steal Marlena, Goldust snapped and we have a title match. HHH has Mr. Hughes with him as his new bodyguard.

Chyna would debut the next month to shoot him to the stars. Even with two great in ring workers like these, we go straight into a brawl with the steps being used. Security has thrown out two fans that were sitting there for weeks apparently. I’m guessing this is a stupid angle or something and I really could care less. Can we please stay in the ring longer than 45 seconds? Ross and Vince both point this out.

Both of these guys will be in the Rumble tonight apparently. They’re now doing a bunch of leg work which is an upgrade I guess. It’s still not interesting but it’s better I guess. Hughes has done absolutely nothing at this point. Goldust calls him a piece of garbage which even today would be a bit much. This is more or less all Goldust working on HHH’s knee at this point, which at least is a story but it’s odd seeing the face dominate here. HHH gets a one knee curtsey. He was in his blueblood/classical music phase here, which I’ve always thought was an incredibly underrated heel character.

In the middle of this match, let’s throw it to Todd and some country singer that I’ve never heard of before. He sings a bit on a split screen. You have to be amazed by what Vince will do for a celebrity draw. This has improved a bit but it’s still nothing special. Hughes, who I had forgotten about, throws the IC belt to HHH who kisses Marlena. Goldie pops HHH with the belt but Hughes makes the save. After more Hughes distractions, Goldust walks into the Pedigree and we’re done.

Rating: C-. This started off bad and then worked its way up to being ok. I don’t like the steps etc. but overall, this was ok. It needed to be about 5 minutes shorter though. HHH was far from what he is today and while he was a rising star, he just wasn’t ready for this long of a match yet. It was coming, but he wasn’t there yet.

We get comments from one of the WEIRDEST pairings you’ll ever see: Bret Hart and Mankind. They both say tonight will be a long night. DAng that’s just weird thinking about them in the same company, let alone doing anything together.

Farrooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

I love the Nation’s entrance. PG-13 were great at what they did, which granted wasn’t much but it worked. This was supposed to be the blowoff match between these two but they were both injured at one point or another so the match never actually happened when it was supposed to, making this way after it meant anything. The Nation was freaking massive at this point, even having actors hired to make it look even bigger.

That’s saying a lot when you think about it. Johnson tried to get a catchphrase of You’re Going Down out of this but it didn’t work at all. Basically they’re fighting over Ahmed not being black enough or something like that. He was supposed to get the world title so there you go. This was actually a decent little feud, but it needed to happen 4-5 months earlier than this. Since it’s 1997, this starts on the floor in a big brawl. I love Vince Russo. Ok not really.

We go to another big wide shot which I can’t stand as Ahmed whips Farrooq with a belt or something like that. The problem with this match becomes apparent quickly: Ahmed isn’t that good. He never was. He was a huge muscle guy that could be a cool looking powerbomb, period. He was WAY over though at least for awhile, so there’s little complaints that can be made here. Naturally this is mostly brawling but that’s neither here nor there.

Simmons goes after Ahmed’s kidney of course because only one part of anyone’s body can ever be injured at once. We’ve got a Cowboys jersey on the non camera side so I’m happy. Ahmed hooks a powerslam from the top to take over. The spinebuster from Farrooq ends that pretty quickly though.

After Ahmed no sells that, the Nation runs in for the cheap DQ. Naturally since they all suck, Ahmed destroys them with relative ease. After Farrooq runs, one of the Nation members who doesn’t have a name goes hand first into the steps and then gets a release butterfly powerbomb through the French announce table.

Rating: D+. This was pretty bad, but it was supposed to be a street brawl or something so it did that fairly well I suppose. There’s very little here to go on and it wasn’t what it was supposed to be as a blowoff match. They would go at it a few more times without Johnson getting a clean win that I can remember. Not a bad fight, but this just didn’t have a ton of interest in it.

Terry Funk says he was born for this and is Texas bred.

Todd is with the Nation who says it’s not over. You can see an almost afro wearing D’lo brown in the background.

Vader vs. Undertaker

If you’re looking for a story here, you’re wasting your time. I mean literally, this was thrown on the card without a story. Vader had been attacking Taker a bit in huge groups but never on his own. I guess it was just kind of a big match thing to it, so there we are. Taker beat up Cornette a few weeks ago but it wasn’t directly referenced as a reason for the feud. Taker’s entrance is just made of awesome.

I mean if there was a thong of awesome, it would be made of Taker’s entrance. Ross says that Taker hasn’t done well at the Rumble since his debut here in 1993. Ok let’s see. In 1991 it took both members of the Legion of Doom to eliminate him. In 1992 it took Hulk Hogan to eliminate him. In 1993 a guy interfered and eliminated him. In 1994 it took 10 men to beat him in a world title match. In 1995 he beat IRS clean.

In 1996 he beat Bret Hart, who was then WWF Champion. In other words, he’s been in three world title matches and in a way has gone 1-1-1 in them, lost in the Rumble twice which I consider to be ties, and won another match, giving him a record of 2-1-3, with the one loss being in a cheating fashion and the other by a guy that wasn’t in the match. Yep, he completely sucks here Ross.

Why can’t they ever get the years right either? For years I remember them saying he debuted at the 91 Survivor Series, which obviously isn’t true either. Naturally, Vader’s offense isn’t working that well against Taker as he keeps sitting up. Taker hits a Fameasser of all things. Who would have seen that one coming? Taker gets a slam and makes it look easy. His strength was completely overlooked a lot of the time.

We get a verbal jab from Ross at Hogan, saying that no one in company history has dropped a leg like Taker. Old School is countered and we’re both down. After a low blow from Vader, we throw it to Todd in the crowd with some girl that apparently follows Shawn Michaels around the country. I’m not saying a word on this one. We now return you to the PPV at hand.

Jerry points out slyly how completely freaking stupid that was to do in the middle of a match, showing that he’s the second coming of Bobby Heenan. He throws in a Kentucky reference to make it even better. This is more Taker than Vader here. His power is just freaking scary to say the least. He throws Vader around more than once, including a very solid looking chokeslam.

Just as Taker signals for the Tombstone, the ONLY former Wrestlezone admin allowed to work for WWF, Paul Bearer hits the arena as pale as ever. Taker puts Vader on the floor and goes after Paul. Vader saves Uncle Paul but gets knocked to the floor by Taker again. Vader gets control again on the floor with Bearer apparently aligning himself with Vader.

BEARER GOES AIRBORNE!!! He jumps at Taker with the urn and actually takes him down! That was freaking AWESOME!!! This allows for the Vader Bomb to end it as Taker actually is pinned in something close to being clean. That hardly ever happens. He beats up the referee afterwards.

Rating: C+. Taker looked great here. Vader was dominant to an extent, but he never once came close to doing anything special after Shawn beat him at Summerslam 96. After that he began a decline into eventually being a jobber which is never fun.

Taker’s power was insanely impressive here as he hit all kinds of big moves that you just don’t see done on Vader like ever. This was impressive to me. Vader getting the win was good as Taker certainly didn’t need it and Vader might have gotten the biggest win of his WWF tenure.

Austin says he has nothing to say about the Rumble, which takes longer than it takes Bulldog to say he’s going to win because he has success in Rumbles and he’s bizarre. I have no idea what he means there and can only guess he botched a line or something like that. It was bizarre indeed.

Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera vs. Perro Aguayo/El Canek/Héctor Garza

I’ve only heard of three of these guys so naturally I just don’t know anything about REAL wrestling. I think this was an attempt to cash in on what WCW was doing at the time with the luchadors, but at the same time, of the five with known ages, two of them are under 38 years old at this point. See, it’s hard to compete with guys like Rey Mysterio, Juventud Guerrera and Ultimo Dragon with you have guys that literally could be their fathers wrestling.

We start with Garza and Metal as Vince can’t remember who is who. I think the referee is from AAA as well. Ok, so I’m done with the match at this point, and instead of a recap, I’m going to go with just what I noticed as a whole since I know nothing about these guys or why they would be fighting etc. First of all, old guys do not make for very exciting matches. Aguayo was a flat out embarrassment out there. He could barely move and blew a ton of spots including the end (his team won).

Second, Canek is strong as all goodness, but he used at least 5 gorilla press slams in this. One or two are fine, but when you’re getting up into that many, it shows your offense is limited at best. Monty Brown had this problem. Third, this was just boring as all goodness. See, this was one of the first matches of this style ever in the WWF.

When WCW busted this stuff out, they had Rey Mysterio, the undisputed king of that style here in America. When he debuted in WCW, he tore the house down. Here, the people were asleep. I mean this was the most dead I have ever seen a crowd. This didn’t work at all.

Rating: F. I already explained this. It was just a waste of time as well as bad.

With literally no transition, we’re at this.

Royal Rumble

We’re back to 90 seconds again this year, because having that lucha match was FAR more important than the match the show is named for of course. Crush of the Nation is first and Ahmed is second. I just can’t believe that at all! Apparently Crush has longer odds of winning than Ahmed. Why would that be the case? They start at the same time. If nothing else Ahmed is at a disadvantage because he doesn’t get a short break while the other guy is walking to the ring.

There’s a sign in the crowd saying WWF: Wild Wacky Fun. Well ok then. Crush jumps him, even though he had no advantage at all according to Ross. Vince calls Ahmed the wrong name. The crowd isn’t hot here but they’re certainly awake and paying attention unlike the previous match. Granted it’s just the first two. Also the clock isn’t working at first, so we don’t have a countdown or anything like that.

3 is the fake Razor, who has no music because of the clock but it doesn’t matter as Ahmed ends him after about 15 seconds. Lawler points out Ahmed’s tights that would never die. Those things always rode up and it was annoying. Farrooq is in the entry way so Ahmed jumps over the top rope, eliminating himself to go after him. That made me shake my head. Phineas Godwin (Mideon) is next.

Sweet goodness I love Hillbilly Jim’s music. Austin is #4. Now remember, here he’s still just a midcard/semi main event heel that runs his mouth a lot. He hasn’t actually won anything yet and we haven’t had the I Quit match that catapulted him into superstardom. Think of the Miz when he went after Cena. He was loud and great on the mic, but no one bought him because he hadn’t done anything yet.

As of this writing (2 weeks before Survivor Series) he’s the US Champion and looking far better than he ever has before. He’s believable with the belt, which is all he needed to be. Austin gets very little reaction here mainly due to the clock which keeps people from knowing when someone is coming, and the reasons I just listed. Anyway, he and Crush team up but that doesn’t work and Phineas takes out Crush.

He turns around into a Stunner though and after some trash talking, he’s gone. Bart Gunn is fifth. He lasts about 30 seconds, although he hits what would become known as the Fameasser. Austin even does the Steiner pushups as he’s just cocky.

You can see all the classic mannerisms and awesomeness inside of him just dying to break through. Jake Roberts is sixth, and remember he’s the guy Austin beat for the King of the Ring and the reason for the 3:16 speech. Ross says Jake wants one more shot at glory. When did he ever have glory in the first place? He was a career midcard guy that is remembered for having the best finisher ever.

Bulldog is seventh and while he’s on his way Jake is thrown out. Apparently Bulldog hates Austin, which I don’t entirely remember. He hits a modified powerslam that’s completely ignored by the announcers. The best wrestler ever from England his what is undeniably his signature move and no one says a word about it. He was supposed to have been made a big main event level guy and even get the title at one point, but Vince was in so much financial trouble that he changed him mind.

That’s why you had Sid as champion. It was originally going to be Smith, which I think would have certainly been more interesting. Smith got the first ever European Title as a compromise, so in other words he got the very short end of the stick. He certainly would have been better than Sid as Sid just wasn’t very good in the ring while Smith could work a great match if he was in there with the right guy. He and Owen are tag champions here also.

Pierroth, another luchador, is next to no reaction again. He’s 39 here. Vince, GET YOUNG GUYS IF YOU INSIST ON DOING THIS! We get our first bit of information about one of the new guys: Pierroth is a rule breaker. See, that helps a lot. Not being sarcastic there. We’re told that by people who are supposed to have insight on the subject, so therefore we trust it. The Sultan (Rikishi) is 10th as we’re going fast here but it’s kind of working.

Considering Pierroth is a heel, he’s only going after other heels. Actually, all four of them are heels so never mind. 11th is Mil Mascaras. Now he’s old, but he’s a flat out legend. He would be like Ric Flair here in America, with Blue Demon as Austin and Santo as Hogan. Also, he gets a pop and a half, easily the biggest of the match so far. I’ll adjust what I said earlier to Vince: get old guys that are well known in America, like this one.

Mascaras is also known for no selling stuff, even for big names like Foley who criticized him to no end in his book, as did Jericho. There it is already as Sultan hits a belly to belly and Mascaras pops up almost immediately. HHH is twelfth as this thing has been flying by. To recap, we have Smith, Sultan, Austin, Mascaras, HHH and Pierroth at the moment. Bulldog puts Sultan out to clear us out a bit but 5-7 is fine to have in there.

Austin and HHH go at it which just feels right. Owen is in at 13. He and Austin go at it as we’re not getting a ton of reactions here. The crowd is ok, but not great at all. Scratch that, as Austin is nearly out and the crowd waked up. Bulldog almost puts him out but Owen dumps Smith to tick him off. These counts definitely aren’t 90 seconds. Goldust is 14th. For some reason we don’t cut to him when he enters. That’s very different.

Mascaras’ tights are covering his belly button. That just looks odd indeed. Cibernetico gets us to the halfway point. He’s 20 years old so if nothing else he should be able to fly pretty well. He’s really well known for having a unique style that a lot of indy guys use. Marc Mero starts the second half as Cibernetico is thrown out. Pierroth gets thrown out by Mascaras, who jumps out after him, which based off everything I can see was a legit mistake.

The fans are booing the heck out of it too. Goldust puts out HHH. We have Mero, Owen, Austin and Goldust here. Seventeenth is Latin Lover, who has what looks like the Playboy bunny on his tights. He’s considered a rip off of Shawn, as the names are similar and both use the superkick. It’s allegedly just a coincidence but whatever. Apparently Mero and Sable aren’t fighting anymore. Thanks for the update.

Owen throws out Goldust and Farrooq ia 18th. He puts Latin Lover out. Austin and Farrooq go at it which could have been a sweet feud. Ahmed runs out with about an 8 foot long 2×4 and beats on Farrooq a bit, as he eliminates himself. Austin puts out Owen and Mero and we’re down to just Stone Cold. He’s quickly joined by Savio Vega who had a bad feud for awhile. Austin puts him out with about his 5th clothesline of the night in less than 30 seconds.

That’s his 6th put out of the night. Road Dogg (called Jesse James here) is 20th. He lasts a bit longer but still less than a minute. The Outlaws were coming soon though, saving his career. And there it is: in the moment of the match, Austin is looking down as the buzzer goes off, and it’s Bret Hart.

The look on Austin’s face absolutely makes this match. It is so perfect as he’s like OH SNAP as Bret not quite power walks down to the ring. Austin says bring it on, Bret does just that. The fans are, in a word, insane for this. The scary thing is, despite having a classic at Survivor Series and a classic moment here, their next match would blow this out of the water.

In a very funny spot, Lawler is 22nd. He leaves by saying “It takes a king…” and then gets in the ring. Bret punches him out in 4 seconds, and his first thing back on the mic is “to know a king.” That was awesome. Fake Diesel (Kane) is 23rd. Now he actually could have worked, simply because he looks a lot like Diesel if you avoid close-ups of his face. He beats both guys down as we’re way too close to the end already.

Terry Funk is 24th as X is happy. He almost had gotten fired for cursing like Terry Funk would on Shotgun the previous night. Shotgun was a GREAT idea for what it was: an “adult” show that was broadcast from a different place in New York every week. It was way ahead of its time but in the next year or so it would be average which is what killed it. Rocky Maivia is next. He’s a rookie here, but DANG look at the talent in there.

All world champions, all eventual hall of fame members (yes, Kane belongs in there). We add to the talent with my all time favorite wrestler: Mankind. In an interesting note, other than Hart, Foley has been tag champions with everyone in the ring. That’s impressive to me. It’s very rarely seen, but Austin has a tattoo of Texas on his left calf. I’ve never seen that before. Flash Funk (2 Cold Scorpio), a pimp without being called one, is 27th.

It’s a shame he was old here, as he was one of the most talented guys I’ve ever seen. We up the ante a bit more with Vader here at 28. Lawler is back to his hatred of Bret Hart which never gets old. Austin goes for Vader and is promptly killed. A funny bit to this match is Lawler “forgetting” he was in this match. To bring the awesome run of talent to a screeching halt, Henry Godwin is 29th.

I know I haven’t recapped much here, but there haven’t been a ton of people in the ring at once until the end here so there wasn’t really a need for it that I saw. The clock runs down, and the lights go out. A gong sounds, and the fans ERUPT. Taker is apparently a hero here, as they tease him turning heel. That wouldn’t happen for almost two years so it doesn’t matter.

At the moment, we have Austin, Hart, Fake Diesel, Funk, Rock, Mankind, Flash Funk, Vader, Henry Godwin and Taker. Which of those just doesn’t belong? Notice a big key here: a clear winner doesn’t exist.

Bret would be the most likely candidate, but there’s no guarantee it’ll be him. Taker winning wasn’t out of the question, Vader got a big win earlier and had beaten Bret on Raw recently, Austin was always a wildcard, Mankind had been more or less unstoppable recently, and Rock was the golden rookie. See what I mean? There are legit options in there other than Bret, which instantly makes this more interesting than last year’s ending.

Austin takes a chokeslam in a rivalry that will flat out never die. Taker punching the man that would become Kane just feels right. Dang that would happen in less than a year. Vader puts out Flash as Rock punches Taker. There are just a ton of awesome matches in there. Other than Godwin and arguably Flash (if he was given his original gimmick: a tough fighter that could fly like a cruiserweight, he could have been a big deal in the company.

Think AJ Styles, but 4 inches taller, a bit heavier and black and you have Scorpio. He’s 32 here, so it’s not like he was some old guy at the time. He’s younger than Austin. Godwin calls a spot to Taker. Austin has done a ton of those tonight, but the beauty of his character is you can very plausibly say he’s just talking trash to the guy he’s beating on. Rock and Bret Hart go at it and that was weird to type.

It’s a total dream match but that might be the most they’ve ever gone at it. In a spot that I really liked, Godwin hits Taker in the back and Taker rises up, grabs him by the throat and gives him a look that says, “Boy are you CRAZY???” and throws him over with EASE. Taker was scary strong.

Ok, so to recap, we have eight people left. Of these 8, counting WCW/NWA/WWF reigns, you have the following: 37 world titles, 17 midcard (US/IC) titles, and 40 tag titles. That’s not counting anything from ECW (either incarnation) or Foley’s TNA stuff, the Streak, the 13 Wrestlemanias they’ve main evented, or the 6 combined Rumble wins of these guys.

Think of it like this: on average, these guys all have about four and a half world title reigns, 2 midcard titles and 5 tag titles, just from WWF/WCW. That’s INSANE. Anyway, Foley puts out Rock as Vader beats on Kane which is an interesting match. Ross says that Foley and Funk are great athletes. There’s something amusing about that. They’re both gone but they brawl to the back anyway just because it’s fun for them.

Also, because it allows for a very interesting ending. The referees are trying to get them to stop fighting, and while they do it, Bret throws Austin out clean. Key to it though: the referees DO NOT see it and Austin slides back in. He throws out Taker and Vader on his own (impressive), just as Bret throws out Diesel.

Austin dumps Bret, and wins the Rumble. The people are TICKED, but not as badly as Bret. He goes insane and with complete justification. He says he’s tired of getting screwed, and the heel turn can be seen inside of him. Bad opening, awesome ending.

Rating: C+. Like I said, the beginning of this isn’t that great. They saved the best for last though as the last third of this field is insanely amazing. You could see Austin with the superstar inside of him just dying to break out and save the company, but it would take the buildup here and the career making performance in two months to get him and the company to the promised land in 15 months. They were really taking a chance here, and I think it paid off.

We get a short recap of Shawn vs. Sid, which is about having a bad attitude. I think you know where that’s going. Make that long. They recap the Survivor Series match and some other random fights which were pretty weak. Shawn says there will be 71,000 here. It’s more like 60,000 but whatever. The crowd looks awesome if nothing else.

Shawn, who apparently has the flu, says that he’ll step up when it matters and Sid is a coward or something like that. Again he says there are 71,000 there and that’s just flat out not right. We see Shawn and Jose coming to the ring. Shawn is wearing sleeves without a shirt, but the sleeves are made of tiny mirrors, as are his chaps. Nope, he’s not self obsessed at all. You can hear the pop already.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid took the title from Shawn after working for him for a little while. He hit him with a camera at Survivor Series and took the belt after beating up Shawn’s old manager, Jose. He became the only person to beat Hart and Michaels in this era which completely boggles the mind. In a REALLY cool shot, we follow Shawn and Jose through the back and then through the curtain so we almost see it from his perspective. It looked awesome.

The pop is all there too as Shawn is the complete hometown hero. Some fan has a REALLY loud whistle right next to the mics and it’s annoying. For once in his miserable announcing career, Vince doesn’t talk over a cool intro which is nice. Sid starts coming through the back and the heat is there already. Based on the crowd reaction, this should be at least very good. I love Sid’s music. The ticked off fist pump he did was cool also.

For some reason whenever there’s a neon light it makes his hair look green. The pyro was cool too as it was his name on fire above the ring. If only he could have a decent match to save his life he would be a lock for the Hall of Fame. They have the stare down and the crowd pops. Jerry and Ross show their chemistry until Vince decides that such nonsense cannot occur so he interjects himself into it, which can be translated into JR and King can get a line in here and there if they’re lucky.

For the sake of preventing a riot, Shawn takes control early. It’s a brawl to start us off, which is fine I guess. Shawn is playing Superman here. Shawn in the red and blue wouldn’t work though. Not sure why, but it just wouldn’t at all. Ok, we’re two minutes into the match and Sid is using a camel clutch. Oh this is going to be a long match isn’t it?

Psycho Sid might be the most indy name I’ve ever heard in my life. Apparently this is the last time Jose will come to the ring with Shawn. That’s good to know I guess. We’re still in the camel clutch by the way. I’m getting tired of these bad timing things that I keep doing. Sid is of course working on the back, apparently to set up for the power bomb.

It’s not like the bomb works exclusively on the back. It works on everything at once. You just get dropped through the air and stop really fast. How much back work needs to have been done?

We go to another rest hold since Sid has a higher quota of them than Orton does for chinlocks. Sid taunts the crowd and beats on Shawn some more. We’re in a bearhug now just to make sure that the crowd is as dead as possible to set up the massive pop for the comeback. To be fair though, the crowd never really slows down at all. Vince suggests that Shawn is the underdog.

You mean the CHAMPION that beat the CHALLENGER might be favored? Get this man a Pulitzer. Actually just name it the Vince. That’s never going to be topped, ever. Sid hits a leg drop that I don’t think he used until he had his bad feud with Hogan in 92. Despite having had his back worked on all match, Shawn hits a relatively easy slam. Ross points out how odd this is as Shawn starts his standard ending sequence.

Sid avoids the kick and we’re on the floor now. He hits the power bomb on the floor and the announcers declare Shawn dead. Sid grabs Jose and Jose’s son, so Shawn pops up. Naturally, I mean he was just dropped about 9 feet onto near concrete so why not be up in 9 seconds? Back in the ring the referee is out as Sid hits his chokeslam (called a goozle or something like that by Vince). Shawn gets out of the count from referee numero dos.

He gets popped by Sid so thanks for coming. To cap off the mini feud, Shawn pops Sid in the back like Sid did to Shawn at Survivor Series. Sid doesn’t go down, so Shawn waits for him to turn around and….taps him in the chest with it…to get the cover and a two count. Chin music ends it and the massive celebration is on. We keep cutting back to Jose’s son for no apparent reason other than to be annoying I guess. He’s just a pest for some reason. He looks like a slacker.

Ross says that there’s a lot of class in Shawn. The I Lost My Smile speech would be in less than a month so take that for what it’s worth. Shawn hugs a guy in a Calgary Hitmen shirt. I love that. We plug the next PPV (without a name, it would be called Final Four which was a good show) and we’re out to more Shawn worship.

Rating: C+. It could have been worse. That’s the answer I’m going with here: it could have been worse. This was really just a way to hand Shawn the title back in a big match. It had me thinking of Cena vs. Jericho at Survivor Series 2008, where it was really just a token title match to get the belt back on Shawn. There’s nothing wrong with that and this was fine for what it was.

If you were expecting Sid to keep the belt here, I’d recommend a head operation. I have no idea what kind but just a general one would do. Like I said, Shawn would forfeit about a month later and the #1 contenders match scheduled for Final Four would become for the title.

That night was supposed to be Sid vs. Shawn 3 with Shawn winning and dropping the belt back to Bret at Mania 13, allegedly with a Sharpshooter where Shawn’s leg would be “broken” complete with sound effects, leading up to Shawn winning the series 2-1 at Summerslam and getting the title back to drop to Austin. Granted that’s all according to Bret so take it with a bottle of salt.

The feud got thrown out when Shawn made a reference to Bret having Sunny Days ahead or something on TV, which more or less outed Bret as sleeping with Sunny to his wife and the company, so Bret challenged Shawn to a fight I think and Shawn conveniently hurt his knee up and lost his smile between the two matches. Anyway, the match was ok but not great so there we are.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s an aspect I’ve touched on but not directly talked about here that makes this a weird show and that’s the crowd. As you all know, a crowd can make or break a show. This crowd did neither and it kind of parallels what I thought of it. The crowd here was silent a lot, but when they got into something they got into it hardcore. That fits really well here, as all night long this show either really worked or completely bombed.

The opening stuff is just ok, Vader/Taker was just a good old fashioned fight, the six man was just completely horrid, I liked the Rumble, and the main event was what it was. I think this is one of those shows where what it sets up is far more important than the show itself, but that part was still pretty good. If you’re a fan of this era, check out the Rumble and the main event and maybe Taker vs. Vader (definitely if you’re a Taker fan as he looked great in it) but pass on the rest as it’s just bland.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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NWA Powerrr – January 1, 2020: Storm Is Growing On Me

IMG Credit: National Wrestling Alliance

Powerrr
Date: January 1, 2020
Location: GPB Studios, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Stu Bennett, Joe Galli

The calendar shuffling continues as we are on Wednesday for one night only after being on Monday last week. We’re on the road to Hard Times and the TV Title tournament, but at the same time we have Nick Aldis and company running roughshod over the whole show. That could go in a few different directions so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video looks at the history of Nick Aldis and Tim Storm, who meet for a spot in the tournament tonight.

Into The Fire.

Tim Storm, in a Mama Storm shirt, talks about his history with Aldis. Yes he lost the match to Aldis that took him out of the World Title scene. For what Aldis did to him later though, it’s time for a beating. Cue Aldis and Kamille, who says Storm needs to get calmed down before his blood pressure goes too high. Aldis is in the tournament because he needs something to do. Storm is taking it seriously though and it’s starting to tick Aldis off. He wants it to be clear to Storm, Ricky Morton, or any other Randy the Ram back there trying to stay relevant: he’s the World Champion and that’s what makes you relevant.

Aron Stevens and Question Mark are ready to take over the NWA. This is the same promo from last week.

Aron Stevens vs. Sal Rinauro

Non-title and submissions only. The fans are Rinauro as Stevens is in his ka-ra-te gear. Better than the flesh colored trunks. They circle each other to start and Stevens snaps off an armdrag. An armbar attempt sends Sal over to the rope but Stevens pulls on the arm to take over. Stevens misses a dropkick but is fine enough to kick out of a Figure Four attempt (Rinauro’s dancing/strutting took a little too long) and hits a heck of a clothesline. The Mongrobian Clutch (cobra clutch) makes Rinauro tap at 2:51.

Post match Stevens won’t let go so Trevor Murdoch chases him off. Murdoch wants a fight right now. It can even be non-title because Murdoch just wants to beat him up. Stevens will fight, if Murdoch puts up his spot in the TV Title tournament.

Highspots.com ad.

Trevor Murdoch vs. Aron Stevens

Non-title again. A headbutt puts Stevens on the floor early and it’s a bunch of slams to give Murdoch two back inside. The fans are behind Murdoch as Stevens bails to the ropes, which lets him sucker Murdoch in. Some shots to the ribs have Murdoch in trouble but a sleeper attempt gets Stevens sent face first into the buckle. A full nelson slam sets up something close to an old Indian Deathlock to make Stevens tap at 3:01.

Rating: D+. This is one of those matches that might not look the most logical for a lot of promotions but fits in perfectly well here. Stevens has run his mouth about how dangerous he is and then he loses in a short match like this. Now he can continue to ignore what happened and brag anyway, which plays perfectly well into what he’s doing. Not a good match, but perfectly logical.

Something called Powerrr Surge is coming.

Pope sits down with Homicide and Eddie Kingston and thinks they could be the World Tag Team Champions here or anywhere.

Hard Times ad.

Here’s Eli Drake for a chat. Maybe he got lost in the sauce last week but it’s been two weeks since he’s been booked in a match. That’s when you hear Nick Aldis talking about being the best World Champion of all times. Ricky Morton was out here saying that Aldis was full of himself and Morton is right. Maybe Drake needs to go find his own match with Morton, Mr. Anderson or James Storm.

Cue Colt Cabana, who doesn’t like Drake ranting about Anderson. Drake wants the Tag Team Titles but Cabana is Anderson’s partner. Not that it matters as Drake won’t be World Champion anyway. Cue Anderson to tease a fight with Drake but Cabana holds them apart. I wasn’t feeling this one as these three have been having issues for weeks and they never seem to go anywhere.

Girl Powerrr is coming.

Marti Belle rants to Melina and Thunder Rosa about Allysin Kay being a fake friend.

Allysin Kay rants to ODB, Ashley Vox and Tasha Steelz about Marti Belle. They’ll have to figure something out.

Tasha Steelz vs. Marti Belle

Melina is here with Belle. They go to the mat to start with Steelz bouncing out of a headscissors so Belle sends her into the corner. That’s fine with Steelz, who flips over her, only to get kneed in the face for two. A missed charge in the corner lets Steelz hammer away with running elbows. Steelz gets two off a neckbreaker and a cutter is good for the pin on Belle at 4:43.

Rating: D+. A lot of these women’s matches just aren’t clicking. They’re not anything great from a technical perspective and the backstory behind the faction wars isn’t exactly thrilling. They come off as fighting because they’re fighting and that’s not a thrilling reason. It’s not terrible, but it feels like we’re having a women’s division because we need to.

Post match Melina yells at Belle for the loss.

Next week in the TV Title Tournament: Zicky Dice vs. Caleb Konley. They’ve done a really bad job of explaining how the tournament is working. From what I can piece together, we’re seeing a bunch of qualifying matches (or qualifying matches to get into the qualifying matches) and then the tournament is all at Hard Times? I’m sure there’s been some kind of an explanation but they aren’t exactly making it clear.

TV Title Tournament Qualifying Match: Tim Storm vs. Nick Aldis

Non-title. Hold on though as Aldis and company come out in their tracksuits, with Aldis saying Storm has taken the fun out of this. The team is dubbed Strictly Business and Aldis isn’t wrestling in this meaningless match. Storm can have a bye, but he calls Aldis a coward. Aldis has a replacement in mind.

TV Title Tournament Qualifying Match: Tim Storm vs. Royce Isaacs

Storm goes right for him and hammers away in the corner, setting up a clothesline for two. There’s a fall away slam to make it worse as this is one sided so far. Isaacs finally avoids a charge and grabs a t-bone suplex for one. The MAMA STORM chants get Tim back into it and he avoids a middle rope backsplash. A charge in the corner rocks Isaacs again but Storm walks into a cutter out of the corner for two. The dragon suplex into the German suplex is escaped though and it’s the Perfect Storm to finish Isaacs at 4:27.

Rating: C-. This was about advancing the story of Storm trying to get his hands on Aldis again as Aldis now has lackeys to throw at him. I’m sure they can come up with a way for Storm to get another shot at the World Title and it could be a huge match if he does, even if there is next to no chance of him winning the title back. Good angle advancement but not in a very good match.

Post match the Rock N Roll Express come out to yell at Isaacs to end the show.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: C. As usual, the wrestling isn’t the point here. This show is all about setting things up for the bigger shows down the line and that’s what they did here. It’s a perfectly watchable show and the time flies by, which is one of its major perks. The big story continues to be the TV Title tournament, but they need to make that a little clearer instead of just throwing out qualifying match after qualifying match. Not a bad show here though, and it served its purpose.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1996 (2013 Redo): The Texas Two Step

Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We open with Sunny in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

BUY OUR STUFF!

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a BIG haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she smoking (no pun intended) here. The Guns are defending. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both Donnas on the floor.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania 12 is coming.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yoko slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. FINALLY Holly goes out after nearly forty minutes. HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the AWESOME rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in. Cool little sequence there.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpack thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Taker at Mania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Ratings Comparison

Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

Original: D

Redo: C-

Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Original: D

Redo: D-

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

Amazingly enough I liked it a bit better this time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/15/royal-rumble-count-up-1996-shawns-texas-two-step/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1996 (Original): It’s Shawn’s Time

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

Well it’s a year later and the roster is more or less the same. There are a few changes though. The biggest is Shawn has finally given up and turned face thank goodness and Taker is back in the title hunt. Bret has the title again and is facing him in the main event. Other than that, there’s a few new guys but a lot of this is the same. Nitro has debuted so the war has almost started.

The rest of the card looks similar to what we had last year with all three titles on the line plus the Rumble and one other match, but this just looks miles more interesting for some reason. The Rumble roster still looks weak but far better than it did before. This flat out can’t be less interesting than last year so let’s go.

I almost forgot: Shawn has been out with a ton of injuries including the concussion kick from Owen and tonight is his big return, so that’s easily your biggest story of the night here.

Oh yeah and a guy named Hunter Hearst Helmsley debuted. A bald guy from Texas is here too. They’ll never mean a thing.

There was a preshow match with HHH vs. Duke Droese. The winner got 30 and the loser got #1. Amazingly, HHH lost so there we are.

Sunny is in a bathtub and says that tonight’s show is viewer discretion advised. My goodness she was perfect. Anyway, Bret vs. Taker is previewed, along with a few other matches. There’s a picture of Razor hitting a belly to back suplex off the middle rope on someone. That someone: Jeff Hardy. Oh yeah and there’s that Rumble thing too. Finally, there’s talk of some monster showing up tonight. Some guy called Vader I think.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Ahmed is a relative rookie here, having been around for just a few months here. In other words, this should be a slaughter. This is fallout from Jarrett breaking a gold record over Ahmed’s head at the previous In Your House. I love how I now have seen that match and reviewed it as it ties things together a bit. In case you’ve never seen him, Ahmed is a freaking tank.

He’s more cut up than Ezekiel Jackson and even scarier looking. The only problem was he wasn’t as talented either. He’s killing Jarrett though so there we are. He was supposed to become world champion actually but he couldn’t stay healthy. There have been a ton of clotheslines in this match to say the least. I don’t mean a bunch in a row, but a bunch over a fairly spread out period of time.

Why is it that when something happens it’s unbelievable to Vince? He saw it happen so apparently it’s not too farfetched. Johnson is hulking up. That can’t be a good sign. Jarrett continues to imitate Ric Flair without the success by getting Ahmed in the figure four. You know considering how awesome Ahmed was, this is just really boring.

After powering out of that, Jarrett goes to the top with the guitar and El Kabong is enough for the DQ. Ahmed just stood there and waited to get hit in the head. Jarrett leaves and of course Ahmed is up in about 18 seconds and not even shaking it off. That was odd.

Rating: D+. Uh yeah. I’m not sure what to say about this one as it just wasn’t that good at all. Ahmed wasn’t really sloppy, but he certainly was limited. I’m not entirely sure why they had Jarrett not get pinned here. He really had nothing to lose here as he would be gone less than ten months later. Ahmed was supposed to look great here but he just didn’t, plain and simple. This is more of a headscratcher than anything else.

Buy WWF stuff, t-shirts in this case.

Billy and Bart, looking straight out of the 70s and 80s say they’re going to keep their titles. My goodness they were so painfully bland it’s painful.

Diesel says heelish things despite still being a face officially I guess. He mentions not having a problem with Taker, and we have a feud on the rise.

Tag Titles: Smoking Guns vs. Body Donnas

Sunny was hotter than anything on the planet, period. The Body Donnas are Tom Pritchard and Chris Candido, more commonly known as Chris Candido. Sunny starts off in the ring by saying ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages. Holy stolen ring intro in a few years. Sunny of course gets the biggest pop of everyone. She’s 23 here and was screwing Bret Hart at the time, so there we are.

We get an upskirt shot of Sunny which leaves Perfect speechless. In case you can’t tell, no one cares about the match but only Sunny. She really was excellent at getting all of the attention on her which is very good to be able to do. The Guns are giants compared to the heels. After the Donnas desperately try (and fail) to take over, Sunny is knocked to the floor. The only good thing is a nice back shot but whatever.

Perfect: she could have been hurt! Vince: she may be hurt! Thanks for being original McMahon. Naturally she was faking (don’t you hate when women do that?) and the Donnas get the advantage. Vince calls Zip Flip so there we are: we have found a gimmick so bad that even Vince McMahon can’t remember their stupid names. In a cool spot, Zip hooks his partner in a gutwrench release powerbomb (think Jack Swagger’s move but he just lets the guy go) onto Billy.

That was different as Perfect says. Since this match has been the most intelligent of all time, we have another odd spot as Skip runs into Zip and Zip is knocked into Billy so everyone is down. It leads to the cold tag to Bart who cleans house. Vince says he hits Skip or Zip or whatever his name is. Since it’s 1996, we can’t have a regular ending, so instead the Guns hit the Sidewinder (backbreaker/leg drop from the top) but Sunny distracts the referee.

In a bad looking spot, Billy sees Skip on the top rope clearly, but goes after Sunny instead. It was one of those moments that wasn’t supposed to look bad but accidentally did. The Donnas go for a double suplex but Billy spears one of them so that Bart lands on the other guy for the pin. Yep, that was stupid.

Rating: D. This show really isn’t starting out well at all. This was somehow worse than the previous match. Literally, looking at Sunny is all that this is good for. The match itself is just bad, the booking is weird and the ending leaves something to be desired. The Guns would forfeit the belts in about a month due to injury and the Donnas would get them in a tournament just before Mania, as in about 20 minutes before.

We see a big thing of the Billionaire Ted skits. These were funny at the time, but allegedly they ticked off Ted Turner so much that he revamped WCW, so in essence they nearly killed Vince’s company. There we go then.

Recap of Razor vs. Goldust. In essence, Goldust wants Razor, as in the way I want Ellen Page, so that apparently made Razor put the title on the line. Yeah that makes perfect sense.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Goldust debuted the night before Ahmed so there we are. Hey did you know that Goldust is bizarre? We need to make sure you know that he’s bizarre. Vince says don’t adjust your televisions. I’ve never gotten that expression. How many people actually get up and adjust televisions? What was going to go wrong with it in the last 10 seconds or so since the last segment ended?

Are we supposed to believe that it wasn’t right before? Also, if you have a really fuzzy picture and you had really bad eyesight, would it eventually look normal? Apparently the noise at the beginning of Razor’s music is from screeching tires. What vehicle is making that noise? This is Marlena’s debut as well. She looked really good back at this point.

In a funny moment, Vince goes over the rules to how you win a title and Perfect almost yells about how he’s won the title twice so why does he need to have it explained to him? That’s a really funny point when you think about it very little. Goldy grabs Razor’s chest a few minutes in so there we go. When asked about what he would do against Goldust, Perfect replies with kick him in the face.

I love Mr. Perfect, if nothing else for the rampant sex jokes and innuendos he’s dropping here. At one point when they’re fighting on the floor someone shouts out that Marlena has a nice rack, which is very true. This match seems like it keeps starting and stopping. They’ll do a bit and then Goldust will go all freaky. That’s fine for character development, but it makes for some bad matches which is what’s happening here.

We do however get a cool spot as Goldust hits a slingshot belly to back suplex that I’ve never seen before. Other than that though, there’s just not a lot to talk about here. Finally Goldust takes over, but still there’s no flow to this match. It’s hard to put into words, but you would know what I meant if you say it. Something just doesn’t feel right about it as it just looks choppy for lack of a better word.

On top of that he keeps groping and molesting Razor. That’s just annoying. Can you imagine in wrestling related anything someone that was constantly making gay references and puns and actions? It would drive me crazy. Anyway, it’s a sleeper and a standard comeback by the face.

Oh the fans are mostly dead for this. No Monty Python jokes here by the way. After some Terri interference, the 1-2-3 Kid comes in and heads to the top for a spin kick that clearly misses but I guess the air from it knocks out Razor for Goldust to get the pin.

Rating: D. Uh yeah, this sucked too. I don’t get it. For the most part there’s been talented guys in every match but nothing at all has worked so far. Granted that could be because we’ve had three matches and zero clean endings. Is it that hard to let one guy cleanly beat the other one?

Anyway, like I said earlier this match just feels choppy and it really hurts things. There’s zero flow here and it felt like watching a video game being played where the guy controlling it was just hitting all of the moves he programmed in if that makes sense.

A bunch of people say they’ll win that don’t interest me. Shawn’s doctor says he’s ready to come back.

After the explanation of the rules from Vince (none given to the live crowd), we’re ready to go.

Royal Rumble

HHH is in first and second it Henry Godwin, now rocking the best music in wrestling history: Don’t Go Messin With a Country Boy. These two had a pseudo-rivalry around this time so this works pretty well. We’re back to two minute intervals which almost guarantees a better match. They imply that winning two in a row is almost impossible as Hogan is continually buried.

Backlund is third, completely in his crazy man Presidential candidate (don’t ask) gimmick. Also, how bad of a string of draws does this guy get? The more I see of this guy the more I like him. He’s just amazing considering his age. Backlund still has the Iron Man record at this point. Fourth is Jerry Lawler as I’m already loving these two minute intervals better.

There’s far more time to let people get settled in and it helps a lot. The heat on Lawler is nuts with the Burger King chants. Godwin breaks up a triple team and gets the slop bucket. Everyone gets it at once as they’re on the floor and now we’re back in the ring with a Gallagher reference. Fifth is Bob Holly to fill the jobber quota a bit more. Backlund is on the floor or something I think as he hasn’t been seen in awhile.

He’s not out but he’s not in the ring either. Oh there he is. HHH has jumped twice in this match, which is more than in this decade combined I believe. Mabel, who is still King, is in at 6. He’s gained even more weight here and it even less interesting of a character if that’s possible. HHH is compared to Shawn. Oh dear.

Jake Roberts, on the nostalgia trips to end all nostalgia trips (notice the word choice I used for Jake) is seventh to a solid pop. He lets loose the snake and throws it over Lawler who is of course terrified of snakes. How much of a creep was Roberts? The only people he ever fought were terrified of snakes. That’s just pathetic. Anyway, Lawler hides under the ring as Dory freaking Funk Jr. is #8.

No one knows who he is, which is likely because he’s 56 years old at this point. With the NWA dead at this point, Vince mentions their name on camera. No one has been eliminated yet so we have eight people in and you can recap it yourselves you lazy pests. Jake almost gets a DDT on HHH to a pop but it doesn’t work.

Terry Funk is apparently friends with Bruce Willis. Well ok then. Funk fights Backlund in one of the only encounters you’ll ever see where Bob is ten years younger than the guy he’s fighting. Yokozuna is 9th as we’re way too full here. Those are words I don’t think Yoko ever used. As Backlund has the chicken wing on Funk, Yoko dumps Bob easily to a big pop.

I think he’s just about to or just has turned face. The Kid is tenth as we hit double figures. This hasn’t been bad as it’s pretty clear they’re saving the big guns for the end, but dang those guys are staying in there a long time. It’s not exactly a bad thing, but I’m not sure if I’m sold on it or not.

Razor chases him to the ring as Godwin is eliminated to absolutely zero recognition. I had to rewind it to see where he went out at. Razor chases Kid around for a bit which means nothing in the end. Mo is very annoying to say the least. I think Shane was there as an official to get Razor to the back. Some Japanese wrestler named Omori is number 11. He comes out to the Orient Express’ music, and I don’t have a clue who he is.

Thanks to Wiki, he apparently has a pretty good resume. That’s fine and good, but again we have the same old problem: ALMOST NO ONE KNOWS THAT VINCE. These foreign guys are fine to bring in, but dang it tell us why we should care. Don’t just say he’s a wild man from Japan. We need more than that. Tell us a big name he’s beaten, tell us some titles he’s won, tell us SOMETHING.

I don’t want to have to do a ton of research to figure out who one guy from Japan is in one match. He’s from All Japan Pro, that’s all we get. Even Vince says he doesn’t know a ton about him. Well thanks Vince. Savio Vega is 12th as nothing of note is going on. Dory is out there doing stuff that belongs in the 40s or something which is pretty cool looking.

The saddest part: I doubt half the roster today would be as smooth as he is out there in this match. Yoko puts out Mable and the smarks shed a tear as the completely unimportant Omori is put out by Roberts. To recap, we have HHH, Lawler (hiding under the ring), Holly, Roberts, Funk, Yoko, Kid and Vega in there at the moment. Perfect says he’s tapped into the Superstar line and knows who the next guy is.

Ok wait a minute. So first of all, you can find out the SECRET drawing on the Superstar line? I know they did that last year but I just don’t get what the point is. Why ruin the mystique of one of the biggest matches of the year? Second, you can tap into it? How many science geeks that were watching this (of the 4 or so that were) immediately tried to figure out how to do that? Third, Perfect is on the phone while calling a match? Dude I want that job!

Anyway, 13th is the debuting Vader. At the time, he was a complete monster and rapidly becoming one of the biggest heels in the company. He beats up Holly so he’s a good guy to me. Savio puts out Funk from the apron. Vader of course pulls him back in so there we go. Vader punches Savio, making him dance. Yeah I hate him too. Fourteenth is Doug Gilbert of the USWA, which is Lawler’s company.

Jake sets Vega for the DDT, arguably the most devastating and popular move in company history at that point, so right as he goes for it we cut to Holly trying to dump the Kid. We can see it hit between Holly’s legs and the pop is huge, but of course two career nothings are more important so there we are. In a VERY stupid looking spot, Jake hooks Gilbert for the DDT and then just stares at Vader for at least four seconds and then gets clotheslined over the top. That looked so stupid.

Ok so 15 and 16 are twins called the Squat Team. Yes that’s the best name they could come up with for them. They’re twin 450lb guys from Puerto Rico where they’re called the Headhunters. Ok, so we can’t just call them that generic yet far better name? They last less than two minutes combined as Vader just goes insane on the first one with two punches to knock them both out. That was AWESOME.

As the first one leaves his partner is coming out and they both go to the ring. Vader beats them both up at once until Yoko (still heel apparently) grabs one and is like “Boy get your fatness out of here and make me a sweater” while Vader beats up the other one and is like “BOY go marinate bake me a ham and set the table” and both guys are knocked out.

That was both stupid and pointless which is a nice combination. Oh and just after the first guy came in Doug Gilbert got hit with a freaking AWESOME chokeslam from Vader and thrown out. It looked awesome.

To recap, we have HHH, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Kid, Vader, Yoko and Vega. Owen is 17th and a major heel at this point due to being the guy that hurt Shawn in the famous enziguri (how in the world is that spelled anyway?) that made Shawn black out. Yoko and Vader just beat the living tar out of Vega and Shawn is 18th as the roof isn’t blown off in the slightest.

There’s a reaction but dang there was nothing impressive about that in the slightest. Vader puts out Savio as Shawn hits HHH. What would the children think??? The crowd is awake but not much beyond that. Vader and Yoko fight at the ropes and Shawn runs up and dumps BOTH of them at once. Ok that was cool looking. The fans are very much insane now. Shawn gorilla presses Kid out in another cool spot.

Vader and Yoko keep fighting as Hakushi is now in to make it him, Shawn, Owen, Holly and HHH as we see the major problem already: it is so completely obvious that Shawn is going to win. Vader comes back in and throws him out to completely silence the crowd. All of a sudden this year that doesn’t count like it used to so Shawn is still in. Gorilla the Commissioner comes down to run off Vader.

Vader would kick dominate him soon which was quite sad. The heel heat on Vader is nuts. Maybe 45 seconds after Hakushi comes in we bring in Tatanka for a one night return for no apparent reason. I’ve always liked that hook of the steel bar that Shawn did. It’s an intelligent counter that works quite well. Owen throws out Hakushi as the Shawn Michaels plus the midcard Rumble continues.

Aldo Montoya is 21st to some of the weirdest music I can ever remember. It’s like techo and tribal mixed and it’s just failing. Shawn finds Lawler under the ring and throws him back in. Sometimes simple heel tactics like that are just made of win. Montoya and Lawler go out almost at the same time as Diesel tries to give Shawn a challenge at 22. I know looking at it now he looks weak but at the time he was a major player still so this was a big deal. He puts Tatanka out with ease.

He and Shawn go at it to a solid pop. Owen goes after Diesel to finally live up to the poster for this event. I have no idea why those two were on the poster. I also have no idea why they didn’t fight at Summerslam 95 instead of Mabel but whatever. I mean really, what match sounds more interesting: Diesel vs. Mable or Diesel vs. Owen? It would have at least been interesting to an extent instead of Diesel and Owen which was completely awful.

Kama is in next to no reaction at all. Yeah Shawn should have come out about 10 spots later than he did. Holly is more or less dead at this point as Shawn hits the ten corner punches on him. The crowd counts with him and I keep thinking it’s another person coming in. Apparently Ahmed has a concussion and is going to the hospital. So wait, it took AN HOUR AND A HALF to figure that out? Dude how bad is your medical staff???

The Ringmaster is in at 24. For those of you that don’t know, he would soon become known as Stone Cold Steve Austin. His manager, Ted DiBiase heading to WCW might have saved the company. He’s wearing white boots here which just doesn’t look right. Aww his boots have little stars on them! That’s so cute! He FINALLY puts out Holly though so he’s awesome already.

Austin is a much more technical based guy here with some very good athleticism. Barry Horowitz is 25th, coming out to his completely sweet rock version of Hava Nagila. How awesome is that? Perfect says that if Horowitz wins this he’ll get back in the ring. That made me chuckle for no reason at all. In a cool looking spot, Owen is leaning on the ropes to choke Shawn so Shawn nips up to kick Owen over, but Owen skins the cat to get back in. That was awesome looking.

The fans are DEAD here. Diesel puts out HHH with complete ease. That looked cool if nothing else. 26th is Fatu. WHY IN THE WORLD DOES HE GET THESE AWESOME DRAWS EVERY YEAR??? This is the making a difference Fatu. My goodness this was awful. It makes Rikishi look brilliant. Hey let’s plug the Superstar Line again! Apparently only the guy on there knows who is next. So is he running around telling people what order to go in?

Perfect changes his stance to he’ll quit if Horowitz wins. So wait, does that mean he’ll quit being retired? If that’s so does that mean he’ll wrestle again? Maybe he didn’t change his stance at all. Owen almost puts Shawn out but just won’t do it because it would probably get him fired. Isaac Yankem (Kane) is in next. Horowitz is gone. Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn again but this time doesn’t kill him.

Austin does the Shawn pose as I laugh. Austin vs. Diesel is a match that I don’t think ever happened. Owen is out due to Diesel and Shawn. 28th is Marty Jannetty as this match just needs to be put out of its misery. Apparently he’s been doing well in the singles division. Did I completely miss some time in the company history? The Rockers go at it in a fight that would have been good maybe 3 years ago.

British Bulldog is 29th again to ZERO reaction. 30th is going to be Duke Droese so there we are. Smith is heel here so he beats on Shawn. He dumps Marty quickly so if nothing else there’s a future for him in vermin control. Fatu puts out Austin. How many people would believe that in three and a half years he would run him over in a car and put him out for a year?

That’s just completely amazing and shows you that all kinds of things can happen in wrestling and you never know what’s coming. Kane knocks out Rikishi with ease as the announcers admit they have no idea how Austin went out due to there being a lot of action going on. No not really but I can’t argue with Vince right? Ok so there’s Duke and the final groups is, and I’m not kidding you here, Duke Droese, Kama, Diesel, Shawn, Bulldog and Yankem. WOW.

If you couldn’t tell who was going to win this and who he was going to eliminate last, you’re an idiot. Droese and Kane go out really fast so your final four are Bulldog, Diesel, Kama and Shawn. And before I’m done typing that Shawn kicks Diesel out to win it. Literally, the final four started and ended inside of 30 seconds. Shawn wins, shocking no one at all. Diesel comes back and they do the Too Sweet sign. Yep, that’s all they do and good night I’m bored here.

Rating: D. How can this show not seem that bad? I mean seriously, Ahmed freaking Johnson at this point has the match of the night, and that’s after guys like Chris Candido, Owen Hart, Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall and Dustin Rhodes have performed. Once Shawn came in, the match was over, period. No one thought for a second that anyone other than HBK was going to win, period. I mean look at this lineup.

The alternatives are the debuting Vader, Diesel, who had talked about Taker nonstop recently so his feud is set up, and……and……oh come on there has to be a third guy. Owen Hart wins it by default I guess: a career midcard guy with a cup of coffee in the main event a year ago that is clearly the first Shawn target. WOW. How in the world did this Rumble get a chance to do anything? There is no way this was ever, and I mean ever, was going to work.

The only thing CLOSE to making this work would have been Yoko, Diesel, Owen and Vader against Shawn at the end. I mean really, who else was going to win? This wasn’t interesting at all and other than for a few seconds, the crowd might as well have been asleep, and I can’t blame them a bit. This was just boring.

Bret says he’ll win in a generic interview, which is somehow the most interesting thing I’ve seen other than Vader and Yoko being put out in over an hour.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

This is happening because Bret is champion and Taker would have been far too big of a threat to Shawn’s popularity. Taker is wearing the skull mask at this point after Mabel and Yokozuna destroyed his face. For no apparent reason, Diesel is still at ringside. He gets in Taker’s face and there they go. Taker was just all kinds of awesome at this point, as he was reaching that mythical level that few get to.

He’s officially that kind of guy that’s awesome just because he’s who he is. Like today for example, it’s about two weeks after Kofi destroyed Orton’s car. That was AWESOME. Kofi got over in that one segment and granted I have no idea if it’ll still or not as you guys won’t read this for about two months, but the point is he might just fall off the map. A guy like Taker simply isn’t going to fall off the level he’s on barring anything completely insane happening.

He was just hitting that level around this time. He’s like Shawn is now: you can throw together a stupid storyline to put him in the title match and everyone will buy it because he’s just awesome enough to be in it. Bret’s pop is solid here, but this crowd just kind of sucks. Ok we’ve been in this match 3 minutes now and I think I already know what’s coming. I had a bad vibe about this match earlier on and it’s coming true now: they’re doing a formula match.

Yep, Bret’s going for the knee early. That means a long drawn out match where Bret works on the leg with a submission, Taker fights back, Bret hits the knee and uses a submission, Taker fights back, Bret hits the knee and uses a submission, Taker fights back, Bret hits the knee or a suplex move and sets for the Sharpshooter and somewhere in there we brawl on the floor with a weapon other than the belt or a chair being used. And what do you know I’m right.

Yes, for about 25 minutes, that’s all we get. During that Bret gets the stupid looking skull mask off of Taker that was just really annoying. PLEASE END THIS! Taker hits the Tombstone finally, and here’s Diesel for the cheap DQ to set up Diesel vs. Bret to set up Diesel vs. Taker. Ok, I know I have the benefit of hindsight here, but this was as predictable as humanly possible.

The signs were all there for Diesel vs. Taker, especially the fight before the match started. I mean seriously, who in their right mind thought Taker had a chance here? Actually he won, so who thought he had a chance of getting the title here? Whatever, I just want this show to end.

Rating: C-. While it was formula stuff, it was somehow by far and away the best match of the night, and that’s just pitiful. They went out there and did half an hour of stuff you could write a textbook with. Now I know that usually means greatness, but in this case I mean a book called Cookie Cutter Title Matches in 30 Elongated Minutes.

It might have been that I was just wanting this show to end, but this was boring as heck to me. I’m going with the C- because it gives it the best grade of the night just so Jeff Jarrett can’t have it. WWF>TNA, forever, even when you have to lie to get there.

Overall Rating: D-. Somehow, this passes. I have zero idea how, but somehow it passes. The matches all completely sucked, but it was like I kept wanting to like the show. That’s either really good or really bad and I’m not sure which.

This whole show feels like the forms you have to fill out to get something you know you’re getting: it’s pointless, you don’t like it, but you have to do it anyway to get to the end result. This show is just boring. I don’t know if it’s particularly bad, but it’s just so boring that it becomes bad. Don’t watch this unless you’re an insomniac.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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