GAH!

If there is any hope for this show, this match will be about two minutes long and be a complete squash with Angle winning and getting to have a proper sendoff. There’s no need for this match to keep going because there is no reason to have Corbin anywhere near a ring for a long time at the moment. Or for Angle to ever wrestle again for that matter.

This is the biggest layup on the show as Angle isn’t going to retire after losing a match to a goon like Corbin. This really should have been anyone else but if this is the best we can get, so be it (I guess). Angle wins with the ankle lock to go out as a winner and is thankfully allowed to heal his broken and mangled body. And Corbin can go tend sheep or something.

You have to get them in somehow.

Let’s go with something that should be good instead of something this boring. Both guys need something to do as Styles has beaten so many people on the show already. Orton has been floating around for years and his beating the heroes gimmick has already been mostly forgotten. That leaves you with little more than two guys needing to have a good match and….well that’s not a problem for them.

I’ll go with Styles winning here as he’s a bigger star, though Orton has a tendency to pull off the surprise wins in these big match situations. I’m not sure if he’ll actually pull it off, but it would be cool to see either of them win. Styles knowing to expect the RKO out of the Phenomenal Forearm will be good and if he can prove Orton wrong, it should be a perfectly fine moment. Either could win, but I’ll take Styles.

Well of course this is here too.

If there’s a match that felt more tacked on than this one, I can’t remember the last time it happened. This match wasn’t even announced on TV with the only mention being in a YouTube video. Hawkins and Ryder, who haven’t won a match in years, are now getting a WrestleMania title match because WE MUST GET THE TITLES ON THE SHOW. I think you know where this is going.

Of course Revival drops the titles here and probably never get them back, because WWE doesn’t get why they’re unhappy with their spot in the company. This match is going to be about five minutes long and belongs on the Kickoff Show but the fans will lose their minds at the New York team winning the titles again. It would be perfectly fine on Monday Night Raw the next night, but that would mean just fifteen matches and that’s not good enough.

Just get it over with.

Let’s get this out of the way so I don’t have to think about it for a few days. This has been treated as one of the biggest matches on the show because reasons of McMahon, though I’m not sure how many people are going to care. The story is built around Miz’s father being a horrible person and only caring about his son when he teamed with McMahon and Miz wanting to stand up for his family. Therefore, McMahon needs a big spot on the show and probably close to twenty minutes.

I’ll go with Miz winning as McMahon doesn’t win these big matches (just a Tag Team Title match). It’s going to be long, commentary is going to talk about how awesome McMahon is, and then Miz will beat him and it won’t be worth the five months they put into this one story featuring McMahon, when several others could benefit from having this spotlight. At least Miz might be a better face this time around, though I don’t have my hopes up.

Now with no specific name.

This is another match where I’ll need to see the full field before being confident in my pick. It feels like the biggest layup in the world to have Asuka win here to get some heat back after losing the title to Charlotte, but I don’t trust WWE to go with the most logical option. There aren’t many good options in the match so far, but that’s where I think we get to our actual winner.

I’ll take Lacey Evans, because I have the blind faith that WWE actually has a plan for her with all those random cameos. There isn’t much of a reason for this to be the case and Evans hasn’t exactly showed a world of talent yet, but that’s never stopped WWE before. I’ll go with her winning, though I’ll be rather happy if Asuka wins. It’s not like it means anything though, as Naomi didn’t exactly rocket up the card last year. But hey: a swerve ending right?

I guess it’ll do.

For the life of me I don’t get this one. I mean I get the story with Nese being a hometown guy and Murphy’s former training partner, but Nese getting a title shot at Wrestlemania is as absurd as you can get. Outside of another Cedric Alexander match, I can’t think of a weaker option than Nese in this spot. Murphy has been awesome as champion and should be on the main shows but he’s stuck here trying to give some credibility to 205 Live.

I’ll take Nese winning for the hometown moment, but my goodness if that’s the case have Murphy moving up to the main roster immediately. He’s WAY too good for this show anymore and Nese….well he’s Nese and I don’t know what else to say about him. This isn’t going to be interesting and the fans are likely to be getting food or taking one last walk before the show, because it doesn’t get much less interesting than this one.

Everyone in the ring!

Here’s your first of two catch all matches because remember: EVERYONE SHOULD BE ON WRESTLEMANIA! IT’S LIKE THE LAW! I really don’t have a problem with this as most of the people are going to be in there for all of five minutes at most and it’s not like there’s any limit to what you can have in a battle royal. Also, I’d rather they do it this way than have the SNL guys get some kind of a handicap match against Braun Strowman.

I’ll take Strowman with my fingers crossed, as he’s pretty much the only wrestler involved to have gotten any serious attention. As long as the SNL guys don’t win, everything should be fine because it’s just a battle royal to warm the crowd up. For some flavor I’ll throw Ali out there as a possible candidate, though you almost never get the full list of competitors early so there’s a good chance it’s going to be someone not even mentioned.

IMG Credit: Wrestling Revolver

Pancakes And Piledrivers III
Date: April 6, 2019
Location: New York Hilton Midtown, New York City, New York
Commentators: Bork Torkelson, Don Callis

This is from Wrestling Revolves, where the idea is that you get something different every time. There’s a bonus in this show though as if you’re in the crowd, you get free pancakes. That alone should be more than enough to get people to show up but there’s also the whole wrestling thing on the side. Let’s get to it.

A rather ridiculous thirty minutes after the scheduled start time, we get a DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME message.

Opening sequence, with a song about the pancake robot coming to town.

The ring announcer introduces Jimmy Jacobs as our host….and he’s accompanied by the Rascalz dressed as pancakes. The Rascalz carry Jimmy around the ring and it’s time to throw out bags of swag. Jimmy explains that the hotel won’t allow them to give you pancakes so the Rascalz are the pancakes instead. They run off and I guess we’ll be seeing them later.

David Starr vs. Moose vs. Brian Cage

Starr, from Philadelphia, is billed from London and doesn’t get his monikers so he’s not happy. He has a card with the names listed, though Jacobs adds his own twists and the arguing continues. Moose and Cage stare each other down and Starr doesn’t like being left out. We get the MOOSE vs. the Terminator clap until Starr tries chopping both of them. Starr can’t slam or suplex either guy so they launch him into the air for a crash, leaving Cage to headscissor Moose.

An exchange of pump kicks goes nowhere but Starr manages to drop them both throat first over the rope. That means a double suicide dive and the brainbuster to the knee for two on Moose. Cage German suplexes both of them at the same time and an F5 gets two on Starr. Moose’s chokebomb out of the corner gets the same on Cage with Starr making a save of his own. A powerbomb backbreaker takes Starr down again and the Drill Claw makes it worse, only to have Moose throw Cage outside and steal the pin at 5:49.

Rating: D+. The story was simple enough and I’m surprised that they didn’t go with Starr getting the fluke win. Starr being in over his head was making me chuckle as he continues to be all over Wrestlemania weekend. I’m guessing the match ran short because of the crazy long delay to start the show, which really didn’t do the show any favors.

Tag Team Titles: Gauntlet Match

The Besties in the World (Davey Vega/Matt Fitchett, who come out to I Knew I Loved You by Savage Garden) are in first and Aussie Open are in second (out of six). Davey walks into a double flapjack to start and a backbreaker into a backsplash gets two. Everything breaks down and the Besties both get an abdominal stretch on Davis at the same time. Fletcher is right back with a standing Lionsault and it’s Vega getting chopped in the corner.

Davey finally gets in a kick to the face and makes the tag with Fitchett hitting a high crossbody for two on Fletcher. A running knee gets the same but it’s Davis coming back in to clean house. Davis picks Vega up for a jumping cutter from Fletcher but a running kick to the face finishes Davis at 7:40.

The Rascalz (Zachary Wentz/Dezmond Xavier this time around) are in third and the Besties are right there to slow them down, including a backflip kick to the head on the apron. Not that it matters as Vega is run over and the shoving moonsault gives Wentz the pin at 9:35. The Lucha Bros are in fourth and it’s a quick exchange of superkicks with the Bros getting the best of things. Wentz gets kicked down and a double superkick makes it even worse. The wheelbarrow splash gets two on Xavier and the Pentagon Driver gets rid of the Rascalz at 12:30.

Hang on though as the Rascalz jump the Bros as LAX (defending champions) is in fifth. The four of them beat the Bros down but LAX superkicks the Rascalz and pin the Bros at 15:36. Team Tremendous (Bill Carr/Dan Barry) are in last with LAX right there to jump them. Barry is right back up for an Asai moonsault onto both of them, followed by a running flip dive from the bigger Carr.

They get inside with Ortiz kicking Barry away and it’s off to Santana vs. Carr. A big clothesline gives Carr two but everything breaks down. Santana superkicks Barry into a cutter for two with Carr making the save. The Street Sweeper is broken up and it’s an electric chair Sliced Bread to finish Ortiz for the titles at 20:54.

Rating: C-. As usual in a gauntlet match, the fast falls didn’t help things but at least they had a surprise ending with what seems to be a fun team winning the titles. There were some awesome teams in there and I really wish we could have seen some of them have some longer segments, but there’s not exactly time for something like that. Not bad, but pretty disappointing.

AR Fox vs. Sammy Guevara vs. Ace Austin vs. JT Dunn

Austin fires off kicks from the apron until Fox gets in a kick of his own. Guevara and Dunn chop it out with Sammy hitting Feast Your Eyes for two. Dunn sends Austin outside and hits a rolling cutter for two on Guevara. Austin throws Guevara into the air for a cutter but Dunn makes the save to put everyone down. Dunn’s rollup with tights gets two on Fox so Fox hits a springboard Downward Spiral to plant Dunn for the same. Ace is back in with a top rope spinning Fameasser for two on Sammy as Fox makes another save. Dunn’s Death By Elbow (discus elbow) finishes Fox at 8:52.

Rating: C+. This was a lot of fun with everyone moving as fast as they could. They weren’t going for anything more than one spot after another and that’s a perfectly good decision in a match like this. Dunn and Austin looked good here, though I’m not sure what the point of the Skulls was. They just came and went and didn’t change anything, so why even have them out there in the first place?

Open Invite Scramble Title: Caleb Konley vs. Jake Manning vs. Ian Maxwell vs. Daga vs. Lance Anao’i vs. Mance Warner vs. Arik Cannon vs. Trey Miguel vs. Jon Skyler vs. Shigehiro Irie vs. Clayton Gaines vs. KTB

Konley is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Daga and Miguel go nuts by hiptossing everyone until the referee hiptosses Miguel for a change. Warner comes back in but gets crotches by KTB, leaving Daga to come off the top with a Meteora to make KTB DDT Mance. Lance superkicks Skyler, who hits a double superkick along with Gaines. Daga runs the ropes to headscissor Maxwell and wristdrag KTB at the same time.

Irie comes in and gets to run everyone over but it’s Mance coming back in to offer Cannon a beer. Gaines comes back in with his energy drink and gets beer spat in his face, though he’s fine enough to clothesline Warner and Cannon down. Konley remembers he’s in the match and powerbombs Maxwell onto the pile but Skyler cuts him down with a slingshot spear. Maxwell and Miguel hit their own running dives, followed by one from KTB off the top.

Back in and Miguel hits a 619 on Maxwell but Manning cuts him off with a backbreaker into a Downward Spiral. Daga comes back in to beat up Gaines and it’s time for Warner to put Skyler on top. That’s not the best idea as it’s a super Regal Roll to drop Warner with Lance coming off the top with a Superfly Splash. Konley and Irie get their turn now with Konley not being able to get a sunset flip.

Irie manages to piledrive Cannon onto Konley, leaving Lance and Miguel to go Coast to Coast at the same time. Hang on though as Manning, the Manscout, needs to bring in a tent. Skyler knocks Manning into the tent but he’s right back up for the Tower of Doom to drive a bunch of people through the tent. Konley rolls Maxwell up to retain the title at 14:38.

Rating: D. I get the idea here but it’s too long and messy to really work. Cut it down to six or so and this would have worked far better than the dozen wrestlers in there at once. It’s a bunch of spots, many of which weren’t all that great in the first place. This definitely wasn’t a terrible match but the concept didn’t work with this many people involved at once.

Jacobs thanks the fans for being so awesome and makes fun of Callis.

Adam Brooks vs. Matt Cross

Cross is better known as Son of Havoc from Lucha Underground. Brooks is replacing Sonjay Dutt for some reason. Brooks gets aggressive to start and catches a running Cross in a Downward Spiral into the buckle. An elbow to the face stops Brooks and there’s the first suicide dive.

Back in and Cross misses a top rope double stomp, allowing Brooks to hit a Backpack Stunner. A double stomp to the ribs works better for Cross but Brooks catches him in a fireman’s carry facebuster. That sends Cross outside for a suicide dive into a sloppy tornado DDT but he’s fine enough to dropkick Brooks down. The shooting star press finishes Brooks at 4:39.

Rating: C-. It was nice to have a singles match for once, though they went through it so fast that it didn’t exactly have a lot of impact. The energy was there though and that helped keep the show going well enough. I could have gone for more of this and that’s about as good of an endorsement as you can have.

Jacobs decides the next match will be for the X-Division Title. Bork: “Can he do that?” Callis: “No.”

X-Division Title: Chuck Mambo vs. Rich Swann

Mambo is “gnarliest wrestler in the world” and seems to like beach balls. Swann, now without facial hair, has Jason Cade of the Crew faction with him. Mambo takes him down by the arm to start before sending Swann into the corner, meaning it’s time to dance. A wristlock makes Swann scream until he bounces out of it as the pace picks up. An inverted Gory Stretch has Swann in more trouble but a Cade distraction lets him slip out. Mambo gets dropkicked out of the air. The stepover kick to the face gives Swann two but Mambo explodes with chops and punches to the chest.

A Blockbuster drops Swann and a springboard Meteora gets two. Mambo gets hurricanranaed off the top but he’s fine enough to superkick Swann to the floor. That means a double jump springboard flip dive onto Swann and Cade for the big spot of the match. Back in and Swann’s Lethal Injection gets two but a second attempt is countered into a Backstabber. Cade breaks up a cover off the springboard splash, which isn’t an ejection for some reason. Mambo chases him inside and gets rolled up for the pin at 10:38.

Rating: C. Mambo’s gimmick was a little goofy but once he got into the actual wrestling, he wasn’t bad at all and the match was pretty good. Swann looks so strange without his goatee but at least he can still have a good match. I could go for more of Mambo and that’s a big reason to watch these shows: you never know who you might see for the first *time.

Ace Romero vs. Fallah Bahh vs. Larry D. vs. Dan Maff vs. Madman Fulton vs. Jacob Fatu vs. Jessika Havoc

Havoc is a surprise surprise entrant and aside from her, Fulton is the smallest at 305lbs. Everyone goes after her and it’s a six way crush to send her outside. Larry powerbombs Fatu and catches Maff’s crossbody until Fulton kicks them both down. Fulton slams Bahh but Romero takes both of them down. Havoc slams the 385lb Romero but Bahh gives her a Banzai Drop with Fulton having to make a save. Fatu superkicks Maff, only to miss the handspring moonsault.

Romero goes to the middle rope for no logical reason, allowing Fulton to hit a Regal Roll but he dives into a Samoan drop from Bahh. With everyone else on the floor, Havok hits a suicide dive but Fatu drives over the top to take all of them out in a more impressive landing. Back in and Maff’s Burning Hammer gets two on Havok with Romero making a save and then diving onto Maff. Fatu moonsaults Havok for the pin at 5:43.

Rating: D+. There were some impressive spots in there and they were very smart to keep it short. If you have these bigger wrestlers going too long, it’s going to get lethargic and sloppy so going with the quick form was certainly the right call. Havoc and Romero were impressive, though I still don’t know how WWE didn’t see the potential in Fulton.

Tessa Blanchard vs. Ricky Shane Page

I’ve never seen Page wrestle but he has some size and smiles a lot. They stall a lot with Tessa not shaking his hand and then slapping him in the face. The lockup finally starts after two minutes, followed by Tessa hitting a good looking tornado DDT. A dropkick to the back of the head has Page in more trouble so he slaps Tessa into the corner. That ticks Tessa off and she unloads with forearms before taking it outside to beat Page up against the barricade.

Page blasts her with an overhand chop but she jumps to the apron to kick Page in the face. A hard suicide dive sends Page into the barricade and Tessa plants him with an impressive Samoan drop. Page shoves her away and hits a splash but gets caught in another tornado DDT for two. Back up and a top rope superplex drops Tessa and a chokebreaker gets two more. Tessa gets taken up top again but counters into a super Canadian Destroyer….for two. Magnum and the Buzzsaw DDT finish Page at 13:26.

Rating: C-. This was longer than it needed to be and the kickout of the Destroyer was ridiculous. If you’re going to finish the match thirty seconds later, why even have the kickout in the first place? Tessa winning is hardly a surprise as she’s one of the best female wrestlers in the world right now and Page is just a big guy who didn’t do anything special here.

Jacobs introduces us to a dog named Nami and tells us to come see her at the Wrestling Revolver booth.

OVE vs. Unwanted

OVE has a loud manager named JT Davidson. The Unwanted is Shane Strickland/Joe Gacy/Eddie Kingston (with Colby Corino) and this is Shane’s final independent match. OVE isn’t having this big entrance and the fight is on in a hurry. We settle down to Eddie STOing Dave but taking a neckbreaker from Jake. Strickland comes in for his anklescissors into a dropkick and a running dropkick to the knee.

Now it’s Sami coming in for the staredown and he doesn’t understand why Shane won’t shake hands after Sami spit on it. Instead it’s a kick to the face but Sami forearms Shane out to the floor. Sami goes outside as well and it’s Gacy diving onto all of them, followed by Dave hitting a dive into a tornado DDT. Colby tries a dive of his own but gets superplexed onto the pile. Not to be outdone, Davidson hits his own flip dive and the referee adds a non-flip dive.

Back in and it’s the Tower of Doom as they’re getting through all of the six man spots in a hurry. Shane nails his snap German suplex on Dave, followed by the rolling cutter. The Cactus Piledriver gives Sami two on Shane and Jake’s cutter gets the same (just a regular cutter as he couldn’t hit the jumping version). With everyone else going to the floor, Sami spits at Shane, who spits right back. Shane snaps the arm back and the Swerve Stomp connects for the pin at 10:32.

Rating: B-. This felt rushed, which is probably the case as they seemed to want to be out by the top of the hour and had to hurry to get done on time. Strickland is going to be a heck of a talent in WWE due to how smooth he can be in the ring. Callihan was his usual vile self and the Crists were every bit as awesome as usual. Gacy didn’t show me much and Kingston was the same brawler he’s been for years, meaning your mileage may vary.

Post match Sami hugs Strickland. The announcers sign off but Sami grabs the mic and says he quit WWE for reasons like this. Sami saw something in him when no one else did and now it’s time for Shane to be the leader of this generation. Shane thanks the locker room because they’re his brothers. It took him ten years to get here and his first WrestleCon was in New York/New Jersey and now he’s leaving here as well. Strickland talks about wrestling in England, where everything just clicked and the confidence started coming in.

That’s where Swerve started to come together and what he wanted to show everyone: confidence. He was in the military as a teenage and had two kids when he was nineteen. Wrestling was in his heart then and it’s in his heart now because he’s traveled the world and met people everywhere. Have confidence in yourself and there is swerve in all of you. Awesome speech and Strickland could be a star in NXT.

Overall Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as there was just too much stuff going on to make it work. There were too many multi-man matches and trying to cram in as many people as you could. The wrestling was hit or miss, mainly because there wasn’t enough of a chance for anyone to stand out among everyone else. For a wild mess of a show it was passable, but it’s nothing that I’d want to watch again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Fite.TV

United We Stand
Date: April 4, 2019
Location: Rahway Recreation Center, Rahway, New Jersey
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

It’s nice that Impact has finally realized that they should be running a show over Wrestlemania weekend. How that eluded them for so long isn’t clear but I think we can go with general reasons of “It’s Impact.” The main event here is Rob Van Dam(recently signed)/Sabu vs. the Lucha Bros in a match that isn’t likely to be as epic as the company expects. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today, Rob Van Dam showed up!

The opening video talks about how five companies (Impact, AAA, MLW, WrestlePro, MLW, Lucha Underground) are coming together for one show that shows what can happen when you unite.

Johnny Impact vs. Jake Crist vs. Dante Fox vs. Jack Evans vs. Pat Buck

Ultimate X (four structures with cables crossing over the ring and an X hanging in the middle) and the winner gets a future X-Division Title shot. Everyone goes to the floor to start with Johnny being smart enough to go straight for the X. Buck makes a save and handstands his way out of an RKO attempt, because Impact is known for his RKO’s. Austin comes back in and kicks Fox to the floor but gets pulled outside by Crist.

The camera misses a Crist dive and it’s Buck cutting Austin off and hiptossing him to the floor. Nearly everyone goes for a climb and the audio starts cutting in and out. Never change Impact. Fox pulls Impact off and Crist hits a superplex on Impact for a bonus. Buck gets pulled off and it’s a massive knockdown. Buck is up first but can’t get very far as the audio goes out again.

A Tower of Doom brings everyone down and Impact hits a spinning Razor’s Edge slam. Fox goes with a Coast to Coast instead of going up for the X and then hits an imploding moonsault. Austin one ups him with a dive OFF THE TOP OF THE STRUCTURE onto everyone for the huge knockdown. Back in and Buck spears Crist off the cables and Impact hits a Spanish Fly on Fox. Austin climbs up and hangs upside down, leaving Crist to hit a diving cutter. Impact uses the knockdown to pull down the X for the win at 13:01.

Rating: C+. It’s a bunch of people doing a bunch of dives and flips off a bunch of high structures. What else can you really expect here? Well perhaps not having the World Champion getting a title shot against the midcard champion? Impact vs. Swann should be a good match, though there might be better choices to pick from.

Moose yells at Eddie Edwards in the back and the audio is so bad that you can’t make out a word. Cage comes in and tells them to get on the same page. I’m sure you can figure out the story, but you should be able to hear the story as well.

Video on last year’s Impact vs. Lucha Underground show with varying levels of audio.

Team Impact vs. Team Lucha Underground

Impact: Brian Cage, Moose, Eddie Edwards

Lucha Underground: Drago, Daga, Marty the Moth Martinez, Aerostar

Impact is down 4-3 to start but there’s a replacement for….someone Impact isn’t exactly making clear. You know who the replacement is going to be. Who else could it be? OF COURSE IT’S TOMMY DREAMER BECAUSE IT’S ALWAYS TOMMY DREAMER!!! Eddie and Aerostar start things off with Aerostar snapping off a hurricanrana and Eddie rolling around into a standoff.

Marty and Tommy come in and it’s Martinez going to the ample gut. Drago comes in and snaps off most of a headscissors to Dreamer so it’s Cage coming in for a change of pace. Daga’s running headscissors just annoys Cage, who is right back with a backbreaker to take over. Moose and Cage get in an argument though and Daga takes over with some shots to Moose’s knees.

Cage comes back in to clear out most of the luchadors until Daga and Drago combine to kick him in the face. Everyone gets set outside for the dives and it’s Dreamer teasing a dive before going outside for more punching. He doesn’t dive because he’s old and fat you see. Dreamer spits water at them and we settle back down to Aerostar getting two off a cutter to Eddie.

Drago and Daga start taking turns on Eddie until he dropkicks Daga in the face. The tag brings Cage in and the power goes up in a hurry. Everything breaks down (you knew that was coming) and we go to the parade of secondary finishers. Cage loads up Daga for the F5 but Moose spears his partner, leaving Dreamer to cane Moose in the head. Marty’s double arm DDT finishes Dreamer at 10:22.

Rating: C-. Much like the opener, what are you expecting here? This was a bunch of people in one match, getting in as much stuff as they could at once. Dreamer taking the fall was a relief, but more than that I’m rather sad to see Lucha Underground being such an afterthought. The show is done and it’s sad that they’re trying to throw themselves out here like this with nothing to go on to next. At least they won though. That’s something right?

Taya Valkyrie is in a four way tonight but just like Johnny Impact, she’ll overcome the odds and win.

Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Jordynne Grace vs. Katie Forbes vs. Taya Valkyrie

Taya is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Forbes dances and gyrates a lot with very big hair. Everyone goes after Rosemary, which is kind of a weird choice when Grace is right there. We go to the early exchange of rollups that have no chance of working and no one buys them as real near falls. Taya kicks at Katie in the corner and hits a running hip attack. Rosemary comes back in and shouts Taya down but Grace sends Rosemary shoulder first into the post.

A Vader Bomb gets two and a spinning Samoan drop plants Rosemary again. Forbes comes in with a bicycle kick for two on Grace but a collision puts all four down. Rosemary does her upside down triangle choke on Grace until Katie breaks it up. Grace’s missile dropkicks takes down Katie and Taya and it’s Grace slamming everyone in sight. Rosemary spears Taya but here’s Su Yung to draw Rosemary up the ramp. Forbes manages to fireman’s carry Grace for some squats but gets reversed into the Grace Driver. Not that it matters as Taya runs over and steals the pin to retain at 9:00.

Rating: D. They really missed here as there was no flow or structure to the match with a bunch of spots coming one after another. Taya stealing the win isn’t surprising as this isn’t going to be the kind of show where anything significant is going to happen. Not a good match and it really didn’t work, mainly due to trying to do too much.

Tessa Blanchard isn’t interested in what is between Joey Ryan’s legs.

Konnan is tired of disrespect from Low Ki and Ricky Martinez.

Low Ki/Ricky Martinez vs. LAX

Martinez kicks Ortiz in the head at the five minute mark but a northern lights suplex gives Ortiz two. An assisted sitout flapjack plants Martinez for two but it’s Ki coming in off a blind tag to take over. Martinez comes back in for the Madison Rayne face thrusts into the mat and it’s Ki cranking on the neck. Santana finally avoids a charge and it’s off to Ortiz as the pace picks up.

A middle rope dropkick sends Ki down as the camera keeps cutting so much that it’s hard to get a clear shot of some of these moves. Martinez gets caught in the corner for a superkick into a Tower of London but Ki dives off the top for the save. Ortiz gets caught in an electric chair with Ki adding a Disaster Kick for a near fall of their own. Santana posts Ki though and a Death Valley Driver finishes Martinez at 12:38.

Rating: C-. Ki and Martinez weren’t exactly on fire here and as great as LAX are, they can only do so much. It’s not like the match is terrible or anything close to it, but it’s also not something I ever got into. The lack of Salina really does lower the interest levels in Martinez and Ki, but it could have been a lot worse.

Sami Callihan is ready to show Jimmy Havoc what Ohio violence is all about.

Tessa Blanchard vs. Joey Ryan

Before the match, Joey does his lollipop and baby oil deals. Joey offers to let Tessa touch it but she flips him off instead. A waistlock doesn’t get Tessa anywhere as Joey tries to make her touch it. Hang on though as Joey shouts something….and I can barely hear it. Whatever Joey asked, he gets tossed across the ring by the chest hair instead. Magnum gives Tessa two but Joey sends her outside for a posting. The arm is banged up and Joey makes it worse by bending it around the barricade. Back in and the arm work continues as Ryan can do a standard enough match if he’s willing to try.

Tessa comes back with a hurricanrana to send him outside, setting up a suicide dive. Back in and Tessa gets two off a Cannonball but he’s right back with an arm trap suplex. The Fujiwara armbar goes on but Tessa is back up with a springboard tornado DDT. A German suplex, meaning Joey grabs her by the chest for a suplex, followed by Tessa grabbing his crotch for the flip, gets two. The lollipop from the trunks goes into Tessa’s mouth for the near fall out of the superkick but Tessa breaks up a superplex. Magnum finishes Ryan at 10:48.

Rating: D-. Nope. I don’t find it funny and it’s so out of place three days before a women’s match is going to main event Wrestlemania. Tessa winning is the only call they could make but Joey’s act is old and played out. He’s been doing that same stuff for a long time now and I roll my eyes every time I hear about it because I don’t find it entertaining. It didn’t fit here but he got it in anyway because….well what else was he going to do?

X-Division Title: Rich Swann vs. Flamita

Swann is defending and we get a handshake. An exchange of shoulders doesn’t work so Swann knocks him outside for the big flip dive. Back in and Swann’s stepover kick to the back of the head gets two and it’s time for the slow form stomping. Swann chops away in the corner but misses a charge and takes the 619 in the corner.

A missile dropkick sends Swann outside and it’s a Backstabber for two on the champ back inside. More kicks to Flamita’s head set up a missed Phoenix splash and Flamita grabs the Spanish Fly. A 450 gets two and Flamita is frustrated. He hammers away at the champ until a Lethal Injection cuts him off. Now the Phoenix splash retains the title at 7:46.

Rating: C. Quick yet entertaining match here and that’s about all you could have asked them to do. Both guys can do so much more but what else can you do given less than eight minutes? Swann has become one of the better talents around and you don’t really ever see him have bad matches. That’s a pretty good role to play and he does it very well.

Rob Van Dam and Sabu say (yes Sabu talks) that they’re Rob Van Dam and Sabu.

Jimmy Havoc vs. Sami Callihan

Monster’s Ball, meaning a street fight. They both bring weapons to the ring but Sami goes back to get some extras. You wouldn’t want to be unprepared. Jimmy pokes him in the eyes to start and it’s already time for a staple gun to Sami’s chest. Another staple to the crotch has Sami in trouble until he gets in a bell shot to the face. More weapons are thrown in and Jimmy is already bleeding.

The spit chop only hits the post but Sami’s hand is fine enough to run into….I have no idea actually as the camera missed it. Havoc stops for some water so Sami chairs him in the face and it’s time for a fight on the apron. Sami gets out of a piledriver and hits one of his own on the apron to really take over. Well as much as you’re going to take over in a hardcore match. Sami staples his way out of a sunset flip and then staples pieces of newspaper to different parts of Havoc.

Some frying pan shots to the head let Sami take a bow and we bust out the lemon juice into the open wound. Havoc gets caught in a trashcan and beaten with a chair but fights back anyway and manages to get the better of it. A paper cut to the mouth has Sami in trouble and it’s time to take off Sami’s shoes. That means another paper cut to the toes with actual salt being poured into the wound. A Death Valley Driver into the trashcan gets two and it’s time for the Legos. The Cactus Piledriver onto the Legos gives Sami one but another one onto some open chairs finishes Havoc at 13:51.

Rating: C-. Picture any hardcore match you’ve seen in recent years, though minute the barbed wire. I can only get so much into these things because there just isn’t much to the things. Both guys are best known for their violent stuff and when you see it so often, it kind of loses whatever impact it can have. As has been the case all night: it could have been worse, but it’s nothing that got my attention.

The announcers recap the show so far.

Rob Van Dam/Sabu vs. Lucha Bros

Non title and it’s anything goes. We start with CERO MIEDO vs. ROB VAN DAM so the fans deem it awesome before any contact is made. Sabu finally starts punching and we’re at a standoff after two minutes. They head outside and it makes a lot more sense to go with the brawling instead of making the mistake of trying to have a match. Sabu stumbles through the Arabian press and Rob hits the spinning legdrop for two.

Pentagon kicks them both down and Sabu gets kicked a second time to make it even worse. The wheelbarrow splash gets two on Rob and it’s already time for a table. Sabu gets in a DDT on Pentagon and the Bros are put on the table for the Five Star/top rope legdrop as they try to turn back the clock again. Fenix chairs Rob to the floor and it’s a double superkick into the spike Fear Factor for the pin at 8:05.

Rating: D. Well what else were you expecting here? Van Dam and Sabu are both up there in years (Sabu is the older of the two at 54) and you’re not going to get much else out of them. Their one big spot looked good enough but this was all about the Lucha Bros doing what they could to cover up the rest of the match. It was fine for a nice little nostalgia moment, and thankfully that’s really all it’s going to be.

The lights go out as they shake hands and pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. Between the production issues (audio cutting out earlier in the night, theme music being so loud you could barely hear commentary and the music cutting off instead of fading out), the lack of anything significant happening, most of the matches not being very good and the incredibly dim lighting that made it look like they were in the dark most of the night, it came off like a pretty amateurish show, which isn’t a good sign for a promotion as big (and old) as Impact. Not a disaster, but more pedestrian stuff that isn’t going to draw anyone back in.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: November 4, 2004
Location: Savvis Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and after last week, we know most of what we have for most of the pay per view. The problem is that means we know what’s coming and that’s not the most appealing thing in the world. Last week’s show wasn’t the most interesting in the world with a long Orlando Jordan match making it even worse. Hopefully that’s not the case this week so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at the Tough Enough guys having to work out a lot today, then eat pasta and drink milk before working out again. After two hours of training, it’s time to go to the ring for the opening of the show.

The Tough Enough finalists are in the ring and Al Snow brings out Kurt Angle as a special guest. Angle yells at all of them and threatens most of them, mainly telling them to shut up, though Mizanin does get an MTV SUCKS. Justice has nothing to say and starts smiling, which doesn’t sit well with Angle. He brings up last week’s issues with Big Show, which didn’t impress him.

Angle shot Big Show with a tranquilizer and shaved his head because that’s tough. This is Angle’s ring and in Angle’s ring, you’re the St. Louis Cardinals and he’s the Boston Red Sox (recent World Series matchup with the Red Sox sweeping the Cardinals). Yeah they have a chance to win a million dollars and for that he hates them because he didn’t earn it. Angle has them back up and demonstrates six squat thrusts.

Tonight we’re having a competition with the winner being the person who can do the most squat thrusts. They all mess up the first one and as the competition goes on, here’s a two minute recap of last week’s segment with Big Show. Back with referee Charles Robinson helping to judge and they pick up the pace as Justice is the first eliminated after nearly four minutes of exercising. More eliminations get us down to Puder and Nawrocki with Puder being eliminated seconds later. Nawrocki’s reward: a match with Angle right now. Total time spent watching seven wrestling hopefuls do exercises: five minutes.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Nawrocki

Angle wrestles him down for a pin in 29 seconds, breaking Chris’ ribs in the process.

We’re still not done yet as Puder volunteers to face Angle as well.

Kurt Angle vs. Daniel Puder

Angle takes him down into a front facelock and we get a LOUD UFC chant. They grapple against the ropes and Puder gets a keylock but Angle gets on top of him for a pin, despite the shoulder pretty clearly being up.

From what I (a casual UFC fan at best) can tell, Puder would have snapped his arm as the hold was in full and Robinson was smart enough to count the pin before Angle had his arm broken or had to tap out. It’s not surprising as Puder has experience in this kind of fighting, though I do wonder how hard Angle was actually going against him.

Still though, Puder had a chance and went for it so good for him. I mean, not the best idea in the world for your long term career, but if you’re told it’s a real fight and you have that kind of training, this could happen. He caught Angle off guard, showing why this was a pretty bad idea from WWE’s side of things.

Post match Angle talks trash to Puder and tells him to stay off his back in a wrestling contest. Angle declares none of them tough enough and wants them out of his face.

We look back at Booker T. beating Orlando Jordan last week to earn a shot at JBL at Survivor Series.

JBL slaps Josh Matthews in the face for asking about Jordan losing. Jordan threatens him too and Josh stands up for himself, saying he’s tired of taking this kind of abuse. Josh says Jordan needs to have his head in the game rather than stuck inside JBL.

Booker T. vs. Orlando Jordan

Twenty minutes of Tough Enough, a Josh Matthews promo and now an Orlando Jordan match??? Is WWE mad at the fans for some reason? Booker strikes away in the corner to start and slaps on an armbar. The forearm cuts off Jordan’s offense and it’s right back to the armbar. A superkick drops Jordan again and there’s a spinebuster, drawing in JBL for the DQ.

Post match it’s the Clothesline From JBL to knock Booker out.

Spike Dudley tells Bubba Ray and D-Von to get rid of Big Show tonight so they can be on Team Angle at Survivor Series. Spike even has a plan: go to the ring and call out Big Show. Tables are encouraged. I’m still trying to figure out why Spike is in this role.

Josh Matthews comes in to see Theodore Long and is told to be professional. Booker barges in and wants JBL and Jordan tonight. That’s fine with Long, who gives him Josh as a partner. E pluribus gads what in the world is this show supposed to be? Is Josh some advertisement for Tough Enough? Is that the best thing they can do on a show like this?

The Dudleys are in the ring with Spike standing on a table and demanding Big Show come out here RIGHT NOW. Show comes out and gets distracted by Spike so a low blow can set up a 3D. Another table is brought in and Show chokeslams both of them through, leaving Spike to run while talking trash at the same time. I’m glad we established that the Big Show is in fact tough.

Post break Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak ask Angle who he can get as a fourth man. Angle says he has that covered and walks over to Carlito and Jesus to ask if Carlito wants in. Carlito swallows the apple and shakes Kurt’s hand.

Raw Rebound. We’re about forty five minutes into this show and, counting the Tough Enough matches, we’ve had about three and a half minutes of wrestling.

Rey Mysterio comes up to Rob Van Dam and speaks Spanish. Rob: “Little Timmy is stuck in the well???” They’re ready for their tag match.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Jindrak/Luther Reigns

Rey and Jindrak start things off with Mark not exactly looking impressed. The Rick Rude hip swivel takes too long and Rey pounds away on the ribs, setting up a headscissors into the corner. Van Dam comes in for the split legged moonsault but Jindrak drives him into the corner for the tag off to Reigns. A kick to the face doesn’t do much to slow him down so it’s a belly to back suplex into a chinlock to slow Van Dam down.

Another kick to the face works better for Rob so it’s back to Rey for the springboard seated senton. Jindrak breaks up the 619 though and we take a break. Back with Rey fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught in a half nelson driver. Jindrak sends him hard into the corner and let’s hit the uninterrupted hip swivel here. We also hit the chinlock as this isn’t exactly thrilling stuff.

The villains nearly miss a double shoulder so Reigns goes with the more accurate stomping to the back. That’s enough action though and it’s back to Jindrak for a double arm crank. The bearhug goes on, which is exactly the move you knew was coming. Rey finally grabs a tornado DDT to plant Reigns and it’s back to Van Dam as a few of the things break down. Rey backdrops Van Dam into a moonsault with Reigns having to make the save. The 619 knocks Jindrak into the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: D. I know I wanted more wrestling but I was hoping for something a little less sluggish than this one. Jindrak and Reigns are as lame of a pair of lackeys as you’re going to get and this was as much of a showcase of their shortcomings as you were going to find. Really dull match here and the last thing this show needed.

Post match Carlito and Jesus come out to throw Van Dam and Mysterio inside for the big beatdown. Eddie Guerrero makes the save with a chair.

Survivor Series rundown.

We look back at Undertaker signing to face Heidenreich and threatening Paul Heyman last week.

Eddie comes in to see Long and is told that Mysterio will be off the team. Mysterio will now be in a four way for the Cruiserweight Title with Spike Dudley, Chavo Guerrero and Billy Kidman. Therefore, Eddie needs to find a replacement and he has until next week. Long: “Comprende playa?”

We recap Jackie attacking Dawn Marie last week for suggesting that Dawn is having an affair with Charlie Haas.

And now: ARM WRESTLING! Dawn comes out first and dedicates her victory to Charlie Haas. They’re both in barely there clothes and Cole gets in the most interesting thing about this whole deal: these two have the same birthday. Dawn actually doesn’t waste time and just headbutts Jackie to start the catfight.

Haas comes in on crutches but here’s Heidenreich to beat him up. Jackie’s save attempt goes as well as you would expect as Heyman comes out saying that Heidenreich is going to get fired. Heyman keeps telling Heidenreich that it’s not Undertaker but Heidenreich gives Haas a shoulder breaker and the Undertaker folded arms pose.

Here are Snow and the Tough Enough guys again so here’s a recap of their evening so far. All of the contestants are presented for your voting consideration. Before they’re done, here’s Torrie Wilson to say they’ll be put to the ultimate test next week. At the start of next week’s show, they’ll be taking the Torrie Wilson Sex Test. They better be up to the challenge. Torrie looks at all of them to wrap this up.

Video on Big Show vs. Kurt Angle before their match next week.

Booker T./Josh Matthews vs. Orlando Jordan/John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL and Jordan get a jobbers’ entrance. Thankfully Booker and JBL start things off (yes JBL really is one of the two best options in this one) with Booker hammering away up against the ropes. A few shots in the corner have JBL in trouble but a shoulder drops Booker in short order. Jordan comes in and gets kicked in the face, drawing JBL for a failed save attempt as he elbows Jordan by mistake (or maybe because getting rid of Jordan improves his chances).

A superkick sends JBL outside and it’s off to Josh, who hits a rather nice high crossbody to Jordan. There’s a dropkick to knock JBL off the apron and it’s back to Booker but JBL gets in a forearm to knock Booker into Josh for a tag. Booker goes into the steps to make it even worse so Josh jumps on JBL’s back and ruffles his hair a bit. Jordan comes in and throws Josh around as the shirt comes off. The slow beating continues until Booker finally gets up and kicks Jordan in the head, allowing Josh to make the tag. Booker cleans house, hits a Book End on each, and pins Jordan.

Rating: D. You have to give this one a bit of a break as it’s a match involving someone whose training ended with Tough Enough. I get that it’s some way of advertising Tough Enough and showing that the show means something, but it’s a bad sign that Josh’s stuff looked equal to if not better than Maven’s from Raw. Booker winning was fine and they kept it short, but it’s still not a great idea.

Josh is out cold to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This was a different kind of terrible as it wasn’t a show where it felt like no one was trying. Instead, this felt like a show where their best ideas and a good enough effort just didn’t work. The biggest problem is of course Tough Enough, which took up nearly a third of the whole show. I get that WWE has gone reality show crazy but it doesn’t work as this big of a part of the weekly TV show. You can only get so much out a segment like that as these people are just names with little more than their looks to distinguish themselves. It’s still miles ahead of the Diva Search, but the extra time brings it back down.

Then there’s everything else and EGADS it’s not getting any better. The rest of the show featured a story including a backstage announcer, an arm wrestling segment, Spike Dudley and a very long, dull tag match. And now I’m supposed to want to watch the best of this show on pay per view? Like I said they were trying out there but it’s such bad material with almost no one interesting (Booker is very good, but he’s not exactly exciting in the role) around. It really goes to show you how valuable Cena is to this show, but they could use a name or two from Raw to breathe some life into the show because this was a complete failure.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6