Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Tinashe

Here we go. I really don’t think Wrestlemania needs much of an introduction, especially just a few days after it took place. This is an interesting show as we have multiple potential main events, some of which have people more than a bit nervous. The show has serious potential though and that’s more than enough to rope me in. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for the show so this is my second time seeing it. My seat was in the upper deck and I had the hard cameras opposite me with the set (amazing visual which looked even better at night) on my right, basically in line with the upper right hand corner of the ring. This presented a bit of an issue as you could see two of the screens above the ring, meaning I was looking at most of one screen and the right side of another. In other words, when New Day was out for example and standing Woods, Big E. and Kofi, I was seeing Kofi, Woods, Big E., and Kofi again. That took some getting used to.

Before we get into the show, a few quick notes about the stadium. This was by far and away the easiest entrance to any Wrestlemania I’ve been to. After maybe seven minutes waiting for security, I walked into the stadium and had two or three people in line in front of me to scan my ticket. The previous two shows took well over half an hour to get in and seemed much more based on being unorganized than anything else.

The stadium itself wasn’t in the best shape and it took a long time to get around, especially since you can only change levels on the long sides of the building. Obviously it’s no AT&T Stadium but the place really didn’t come off as all that great looking. It wasn’t the best experience, but then again the stadium itself isn’t the reason we’re there so it doesn’t make a huge difference.

The ramp is HUGE, apparently running eighty yards and coming down from what would have been the second deck of stands.

Pre-Show: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Neville is defending after having destroyed the entire division for months. Aries is back from injury and the best possible option to take the title. In one of my favorite visuals, you can see Aries taking in the whole sight of the stadium. Feeling out process to start as the announcers talk about Aries’ eye injury.

Wristlocks don’t go anywhere so Aries armdrags him into an armbar. A backslide looks to set up the Last Chancery but Neville bails out to the floor. That’s fine with Aries as he takes a rest on the top rope. Back in and Aries wins another battle on the mat, this time with a basement dropkick to really rock the champ. Aries loads up a dive but gets kicked in the face, setting up a hard top rope dropkick for two.

We take a break and come back with Neville holding a chinlock, as is the common action when coming back for some reason. Neville takes too long yelling at the fans and misses a Phoenix splash, allowing Aries to hit the big ax handle to the floor. Another kick to the face stops Aries but he shoves the superplex away.

One heck of a missile dropkick (that looked great) gets two on Neville, who responds by sending Aries into the ropes for a snap German suplex. They’re just beating the heck out of each other and trading big shots. A bridging German suplex gets two on Aries and Neville cranks up the trash talking as only he can (the accent really does help in that area).

Aries flips out of the Rings of Saturn and scores with the discus Fivearm to send Neville to the floor. Neville gets pulled back in for a top rope hurricanrana and the 450 connects for a SWEET false finish. There’s the Last Chancery in the middle of the ring but Neville rips at Aries’ eye (which was recently reconstructed), setting up the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:39.

Rating: A-. Well that worked. This was one of the matches that a lot of people wanted to see coming into this show and it’s easy to see why. I was really happy to see this moved to the pre-show as it meant the match would have time instead of being lucky to get six minutes. These guys beat the heck out of each other and the extra time did them a lot of good. Instead of doing a bunch of flips, this was a heavyweight style match between two guys who hit each other really, really hard and only one of them could stay up. There’s almost a guaranteed rematch and that’s a very good thing.

Pre-Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Aiden English, Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Braun Strowman, Chad Gable, Curt Hawkins, Curtis Axel, Dolph Ziggler, Epico, Fandango, Goldust, Heath Slater, Jason Jordan, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Jinder Mahal, Kalisto, Killian Dain, Konnor, Luke Harper, Mark Henry, Mojo Rawley, Primo, R-Truth, Rhyno, Sami Zayn, Simon Gotch, Sin Cara, The Big Show, Tian Bing, Titus O’Neil, Tyler Breeze, Viktor

Only Big Show and Braun Strowman get introductions. We see Rob Gronkowski in the front row, just in case you wanted to have some drama about the ending. Braun tosses Primo at the bell and Kalisto goes out a few seconds later. What in the world happened to him? Gotch and Slater are gone, followed by Jey Uso and Goldust. Everyone has been put out by Big Show and Strowman so far to really hammer the idea home.

Show gets rid of Konnor and it’s time for the big showdown. Sami breaks it up though and the masses get rid of Show. Strowman dumps Viktor but the rest of the match gets together to eliminate him as well. A break is teased but the audio just goes off for a bit with the video staying on. Hawkins is out and things slow WAY down after a very fast three minutes.

That makes sense though as you have to get rid of a bunch of the dead weight in this thing. Ziggler is sent to the apron for a second time but hangs on again and manages to backdrop Truth out. Rhyno follows him to the floor and Mahal puts Ziggler on the apron again to no avail. American Alpha dumps English, Axel and Jimmy Uso as the ring is rapidly clearing out.

The announcers talk about a commercial break but the video never stopped. Rather odd but I’ll always take extra wrestling. A bunch of people get rid of American Alpha and Bing gets rid of Breezango. Henry tosses Sin Cara onto the pile but gets dumped a few seconds later. There’s nothing to talk about in between these eliminations, as is so often the case in these things.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and the Helluva Kick eliminates Epico. We’re down to Zayn, Ziggler, Rawley, Dain, Mahal, Crews, O’Neil, Harper and Dallas. Harper sends Ziggler to the apron AGAIN but Titus makes a rather stupid save. You can tell it’s bad when even JBL calls him out on it. Rawley eliminates Dallas (you can hear the booing….er, Bo-ing) and Crews goes out a few seconds later.

Mojo finally gets rid of Ziggler and Titus kicks Harper out (Huh?) to get us down to five. Sami clotheslines Titus to the floor but gets dumped by Dain to suck the life out of the crowd. Mahal is down in the corner so we get Mojo vs. Dain, which sounds a lot more interesting than I was expecting. A tackle actually drops the monster but Mahal sends Mojo through the ropes to the floor.

As you might expect, they wind up right in front of Gronkowski and arguing ensues. Mahal throws a drink at him and it’s time to jump the barricade, with the security guard running over to calm things down, only to have the referees come over to smarten her up. There’s something hilarious about them saying it’s that scripted but I’ll take this over the Big Show vs. Shaw match.

Gronkowski gets in and runs Mahal over and Rawley hits the running right hand to Dain, setting up a clean elimination. Mahal gets sent to the apron and eventually the running fist gives Mojo the win at 14:08. I was legitimately scared they were going to give it to Mahal at the end so well done on the fake out.

Rating: D. Yeah it was boring (and flat out bad at times) but it was on the pre-show and we got a good choice for the winner (and not just because I picked Rawley for the win). This is the kind of match where you can give someone a rub without damaging anyone else so if it bombs, no one loses anything as a result. The Gronkowski stuff was harmless (and gave me a good laugh with the referees having to get rid of security) and Rawley is going to energize the crowd. Also, what the heck happened to Strowman? He goes from a potential main eventer to this in a month? Really?

Pre-Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending after eliminating Corbin from the Elimination Chamber. Corbin retaliated by CRUSHING AMBROSE WITH A FORKLIFT because that’s an appropriate response. For some reason we see the Gronkowski stuff during Ambrose’s entrance. Eh I’m sure showing a highlight that’s going to be on Sportscenter is more important than a title match at Wrestlemania.

Ambrose charges right at him and gets dropped twice in a row. Corbin tries his slide underneath the bottom rope and gets taken down by a suicide dive. Back in and Dean is sent ribs/back first into the post as the beatdown begins. We get another audio break with no video break and come back (I think?) with Corbin working on the ribs. A choke shove (stop stealing from Alexa Bliss) drops Ambrose for two and Baron sends him into the barricade to vent some frustration.

Back in and we hit the chinlock with Dean looking more bored than in pain. Corbin is sent shoulder first into the post but the top rope elbow is partially blocked. Dirty Deeds is fully blocked but Corbin is sent outside. Dean sends him into the steps and now the top rope elbow connects. Back in and Deep Six gets two on the champ, only to have the rebound lariat put Corbin down as well. Corbin gets up first and starts talking trash, only to take too much time with End of Days, allowing Ambrose to grab Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:54.

Rating: C+. I really don’t get the idea here as this should have been Corbin winning the title to end Ambrose’s fairly nothing reign. The match was completely watchable and Ambrose winning made the fans happy (the only reason I can imagine to have him win) so it’s hardly a horrible choice. Just a bit headscratch inducing.

And now, after that two hour pre-show, here’s the five hour (and ten minute) regular show!

Tinashe sings America the Beautiful. I’m not sure who she is but she’s an attractive woman and has a very pretty voice. Some military jets fly over.

The opening video focuses on the Ultimate Thrill Ride concept with a camera going down a roller coaster. Almost everyone on the card is seen at one point. All of the usual suspects were booed out of the building, though Miz and Maryse got one heck of a pop. Lesnar received a mixed reaction, which could make for one heck of an interesting Raw World Title match.

Here’s New Day, our hosts for the evening, to open things up. We also get the first pyro of the show, which is a very bad thing for someone who doesn’t like loud noises (And is sitting in the upper deck with a fear of heights. Why did I go to this again?). New Day is in Final Fantasy gear, which I’m sure Cole read off a card. Kofi and Big E. have swords while Woods only has the trombone. Apparently a bunch of names were considered for this job but New Day was the final choice.

Big E. says it’s time to pull our levers, which freaks Woods and Kofi out. In a very funny moment, Big E. keeps flicking his eyes over at Woods with a VERY knowing smile, drawing a huge laugh. He meant pull the lever on the Ultimate Thrill Ride because New Day rocks. This was short but illustrated the point that New Day really doesn’t need to be here. Also, somehow there was no mention of the ice cream all weekend. I really can’t imagine they couldn’t find a way to throw those together, just for a novelty if nothing else.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles, which I really wouldn’t have bet on opening the show. AJ was mad that he wasn’t on the card and blamed Shane, eventually throwing him head first through a car window. Shane wanted to fight and we’re having a match (yes a wrestling match instead of a street fight etc) as a result.

AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon

There’s something so cool about the wind blowing the wrestlers’ hair around. It makes things feel more unique for some reason. AJ hammerlocks him to start and promises to embarrass Shane. A snapmare takes Shane down again and AJ does Shane’s dance for a nice touch. Shane actually grabs a headlock takeover and some armdrags, sending a frustrated Styles outside.

Back in and AJ wants to know if they’re fighting or wrestling. It turns into a quick boxing match with Shane’s horrible looking shots taking over, only to have AJ pull him to the floor. A baseball slide puts Shane over the announcers’ table (Why do I have a feeling that’s going to be a big target tonight?) before they head back inside for another strike off. AJ gets the better of it but his springboard is broken up to give Shane his first opening.

That means it’s time to pepper AJ in the jaw, including the jumping back elbow. An Angle Slam gets one but Styles comes right back with a Calf Crusher but Shane reverses into a rear naked choke. That goes into a cross armbreaker as the MMA vs. wrestler shenanigans continue. AJ finally rolls out and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Thankfully it’s AJ up first with the springboard 450 but Shane is right there to catch him in a triangle choke.

AJ reverses that into a one leg/arm Styles Clash for two (because that move is worthless anymore) and both guys are spent. A slugout goes to Shane but the referee gets bumped, allowing AJ to go and grab a trashcan. As luck would have it he loads up Shane for the Coast to Coast, which is broken up by Shane using the can to knock him out of the air.

Shane is able to hit the Coast to Coast (as the referee, who is on his back and coming to, somehow sees NONE of this) for two. That means it’s time for the elbow through the table but Shane moves, giving us our first broken table of the night. The Phenomenal Forearm is countered into a Maivia Hurricane DDT, only to miss the Shooting Star. Now the Forearm is enough to give AJ the pin at 20:30.

Rating: B. First and foremost, this was WAY better than it had any right to be, which means I’m going to have a hard time finding anything to really complain about. Above all else, it’s a bit longer than it needed to be and it was clear that this was ALL AJ, who was walking Shane through every single step. Granted a lot of that has to do with Shane not being a wrestler who doesn’t need to be in this spot in the first place. At least AJ won a good match at Wrestlemania though, which he certainly deserved to do at some point in his career.

James Ellsworth eats a Snickers and turns into Charlotte. So based off last year’s commercial, Ellsworth is also Zack Ryder? I think I can live with this as these commercials are funny.

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho. They were best friends but Owens was just using Jericho to watch his back. Jericho realized that the people were all his friends and now is out to defend his title and get some revenge on Owens for attacking him. I really, really liked this story as the Festival of Friendship was so over the top and entertaining but they paid it off perfectly with Owens having his own list with Jericho’s name on it. That gave us a reason to care about Jericho and hate Owens all the more, which is what makes wrestling work so well instead of quick swerves and ridiculous stories that only work to a degree on paper.

US Title: Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is defending and we even get a return of the countdown in the form of a list counting down from ten to one. If that’s not awesome enough for you, Jericho has a light up scarf. They slug it out to start with Jericho getting the Walls less than thirty seconds in. Owens bails to the floor but gets caught with a dive. The fans chant STUPID IDIOT as Jericho drops a top rope ax handle but charges into a superkick.

Owens hits a Cannonball inside and another on the apron, which shows some nice balance if nothing else. We hit the trash talk with Owens asking where Jericho’s friends are now before hitting the chinlock, which no one can break of course. The apron powerbomb is countered with a backdrop but Owens comes right back with the package piledriver slam for another near fall.

Owens takes him to the top but gets pulled down with a hurricanrana. Naturally the Lionsault misses though and Jericho gets superkicked again. Owens is no Shawn though, meaning the Swanton hits Jericho’s raised knees. Thankfully Jericho can’t follow up because he’s holding his knees, which is something I’ve always wondered about when knees are used for a block. The Pop Up Powerbomb doesn’t work so Jericho elbows him down and scores with the Lionsault for two of his own.

Since it’s a Wrestlemania match, Owens steals the finisher by putting Jericho in the Walls, though they’re pretty easily escaped since it’s just a Boston crab. Back up and Owens hits his third superkick of the match, followed by the third Cannonball but Jericho reverses into the Walls for a sweet counter. That’s escaped as well and now the Pop Up Powerbomb is good for two.

In the spot of the match, Owens loads up another Pop Up Powerbomb but gets countered into the Codebreaker. Jericho covers but Owens gets ONE FINGER on the ropes for the break. From the seats it looked like he just grabbed the rope so that’s a very nice touch (figuratively and literally). Jericho is stunned as Owens rolls outside. A kick to the leg is enough to set up an apron bomb to give Owens the pin and the title at 16:48.

Rating: B. This was an interesting match as they definitely had a good one but it feels like a step in a much longer story. The story called for a huge, violent match and I have a feeling that’s what we’ll get for the eventual rematch. It’s exactly what the long story called for with Owens beating Jericho clean and setting up the gimmick match. I still really liked it though and the story makes it all the better to go with the solid match.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks traded the title for months on end until Charlotte won the blowoff match. That left Bayley to come after the title, which she won in a very odd/questionable booking choice on Raw, followed by a successful title defense at Fastlane, which ended Charlotte’s pay per view winning streak. Since it’s WWE, this set up a triple threat also involving Banks but Nia Jax was added as a monster because we just needed a fourth here.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Bayley is defending and this is under elimination rules. For some reason Bayley comes out first and slips on one of the tube men. At least it’s no Ultimo Dragon. Since she’s a Boss, Sasha rides on the back of a car, driven by a chauffeur, to the ring. In a great touch, Bayley looks worried by all three of her challengers. There’s also a sweet visual of Charlotte spinning on the ramp with the fireworks going off behind her.

Charlotte goes right after Nia with Sasha and Bayley helping, only to have the monster shrug them all off. Sasha and Bayley get splashed in the corner, leaving Charlotte to chop away at Nia. With Bayley and Sasha on the floor, Nia throws Charlotte onto them and everyone is down. Back in and everyone goes after Nia at the same time, including a big boot into a double belly to back suplex for two.

Nia runs them over again as a WE CAN’T SEE chant starts up from the fans across from the entrance. Apparently the lights were right in their eyes, which would be one of the most annoying possibilities at a show like this. Nia goes to the corner again but gets triple bombed out for the pin and the elimination at 4:14. Then what in the world was the point in having her in the match in the first place???

Charlotte bails to the floor and tells the two of them to fight, only to pull Bayley to the floor so Sasha can score with a flip dive. Charlotte busts out the corkscrew dive and hits it PERFECTLY for a change, which is an incredibly rare sight. Back in and Natural Selection is countered the Bank Statement but Charlotte slips out again.

With frustration setting in, Charlotte rips the middle buckle….partially off but gets caught by Sasha’s top rope double knees for two. Banks grabs a rollup, only to have Charlotte kick her into the turnbuckle pad (which was supposed to be the exposed steel) for the elimination at 8:18, leaving us with Bayley vs. Charlotte.

Bayley goes knee first into the steel but Charlotte misses the moonsault. The knee is too banged up though and Charlotte grabs the Figure Four, sending Bayley crawling to the ropes (which she doesn’t realize she could have grabbed ten seconds earlier). Charlotte ties her in the Tree of Woe but Bayley sits up and backdrops her down for a big crash. A Macho Elbow retains the title at 12:13.

Rating: C-. I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were rushing through the three eliminations and the ending felt a bit flat. This really just should have been a regular triple threat or Bayley beating Charlotte once and for all but why have the logical match when you can throw more people in there and have a big mess?

Cole says the ending is symbolic of the thirty year anniversary of Wrestlemania III when Savage fought Steamboat. You know, except for the fact that that show wasn’t thirty years ago to the day and Savage LOST there.

We recap the Hall of Fame ceremony. Teddy Long’s line of “I’m a holla holla holla famer!” was great.

The Hall of Fame Class of 2017 is presented:

Diamond Dallas Page (LONG overdue for what he did after retirement if nothing else)

Rock N Roll Express (Even longer overdue)

Rick Rude (I don’t see how anyone could complain about this)

Teddy Long (One of the most versatile performers ever)

Eric LeGrand (That’s fine of course)

Beth Phoenix (Good worker in a bad era)

Kurt Angle (One of the best of all time and easily deserving of the headlining spot)

This is almost ALL about Angle, as it really should be. The rest of the class is great but come on. It’s Kurt Angle. If nothing else it’s great to hear the music in WWE one more time for a big old YOU SUCK chant.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match. In your trivia of the night, Enzo’s gear is apparently worth $50,000 due to jewelry and some one of a kind apparel. Sheamus and Cesaro come out in matching kilts and sunglasses. Actually hang on a second as here’s New Day (Remember them?) in their gear to say……we’ll pause for the DELETE chants…..that this is going to be a fatal fourway.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Hardy Boyz

And that’s your pop of the night, if not of the year. Cole: “THINGS ARE ABOUT TO BE BROKEN!” This is one of those things that we probably should have seen coming the second the ladder match was announced but I didn’t think they’d actually do it. They’re not Broken here but Matt still has the black and white hair and is doing a lot of the Broken poses.

It’s a huge brawl to start (as it should be) with the champs each taking Poetry in Motion. Enzo and Cass are quickly dispatched as well, followed by a Whisper in the Wind to Sheamus and Cesaro. The Hardys start cleaning house with the ladders but Gallows and Anderson come in to take them down. Sheamus and Cesaro come back in though with Cesaro coming off the ladder with a double stomp to Anderson’s ribs.

One of the ladders seems to be broken so Cass kicks people in the face. It’s time to bridge the ladders between the ring and the barricade with Enzo being launched over both of them to drop Gallows. Anderson gets Swung while Sheamus hits thirty forearms to Gallows’ chest. Sheamus and Gallows go up top but Enzo of all people makes the save.

Cass puts Enzo on his shoulders for the big climb but a quick save is made, only to have Enzo stay on the ladder, requiring Anderson to make the real save. The four power guys get into it but here’s Matt with a Twist of Fate to Gallows. Cesaro and Sheamus are laid out on the bridged ladders….and Jeff gets out the big ladder. Cesaro is crushed while Sheamus just falls off of his ladder, leaving Matt to grab the belts for the win at 11:05.

Rating: B. My goodness what a moment. There’s almost no way to argue against them winning the titles and it really did make the show feel special. The Hardys are some of the biggest stars in the history of the division and perhaps the most amazing redemption stories in recent memory. This was a great moment and a very good match to boot. In your trivia of the night, this is the first time the Tag Team Titles have changed hands at Wrestlemania since XVII (pre-show doesn’t count).

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella. This is built around the idea of Miz and Maryse being a real couple and Cena/Bella being a robotic couple who are only there for the cameras. Cena and Nikki finally started acknowledging their relationship on TV and a mixed tag was set, which set up some hilarious parodies of Total Bellas with Miz and Maryse impersonating Cena and Nikki.

This was almost a guaranteed setup for a proposal after the match, which might not have been the most interesting idea in the world to some but it’s something you just have to go along with. This story has made Miz the heavy face going in as it’s really easy to get his point about Cena/Nikki sounding robotic and only being in this for the sake of their brand.

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. Miz/Maryse

Jerry Lawler is here as guest commentator and Al Roker is here as guest ring announcer in the definition of the most worthless celebrity cameo in Wrestlemania history. Cena runs down the ramp with Nikki joining him about halfway down for a nice entrance. The women start things off but Maryse tags out without doing anything. That means it’s off to the men so it’s time to hit the stall button.

Cena chases Miz outside but gets stomped on the way back in for the first contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse even gets in a slap as Miz is cheered all over the stadium. The running corner clothesline rocks Cena again as I don’t think he’s had any offense in the first four minutes. Lawler is stunned at the MIZ IS AWESOME chants so he switches to jokes about Maryse cheating on Miz. Cena gets kicked in the face a few times but avoids another running clothesline.

Maryse pulls Nikki off the apron though and a Reality Check drops Cena again. A quick AA attempt is countered into a short DDT for two, followed by the YES Kicks. Miz tells Nikki that she can’t see him, earning himself a slap into a backdrop over the top for Cena’s first significant offense in nearly eight minutes. There’s the hot tag to Nikki for a spear to Maryse, leaving Nikki to dive onto Miz. Nikki’s big forearm and the ProtoBomb set up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles and the Rack Attack 2.0/AA for the double pins at 9:42.

Rating: D. So that happened. Miz dominated Cena for eight minutes, took three moves from him and then got pinned clean. Unfortunately this was about all you could have expected and that’s par for the course: Miz owns the world on the mic but we need to give Nikki her Wrestlemania moment. I really could have gone for Nikki pinning Maryse here but why do that when you can have Miz lose too?

Post match Cena tells a borderline creepy story about asking Nikki if she knew he would marry him while she was drugged up for surgery. Cena proposes and kissing ensues. Yeah it’s corny, yeah it feels forced and set up for a reality show but if they love each other, good for them. They kept this short and while it’s really not for me, I get that there’s an audience for this stuff. At least the fans didn’t boo it out of the stadium.

We recap HHH vs. Seth Rollins. HHH turned Rollins into his new protege a few years back, setting the stage for Rollins to win the WWE World Title. Then Rollins tore his ACL, which HHH interpreted as Rollins letting him down. Once Rollins came back, HHH cost him a chance to become Universal Champion and wrecked the knee again. Rollins had to sign a paper saying he couldn’t sue HHH or WWE for any injuries, making the match unsanctioned. At the end of the day, this match is about six months overdue and I’m not sure how many people care about it as a result. It’s not HHH vs. Reigns but it’s still nothing great.

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Anything goes. In his annual over the top entrance, HHH comes out on a three wheeled motorcycle flanked by police motorcycles. This is completely redeemed by Stephanie as biker girl in leather pants. I know she gets on my nerves a lot but my goodness she looks great here. Seth has a torch for some reason, which I guess symbolizes burning the place down. Rollins kicks him to the floor to start but a dragon screw legwhip to the good knee takes Rollins down.

The knee is good enough for a springboard off the barricade into a clothesline, followed by a pair of suicide dives. It’s time to load up the German announcers’ table (which is next to a restored English announcers’ table) but HHH DDTs Rollins onto it instead with the table not breaking. A chair to the already bad knee gets us into the next phase of the match and Rollins is in big trouble.

HHH bridges the knee between the announcers’ table and the barricade before dropping his knee onto Seth’s knee. The leg work begins until a Downward Spiral sends HHH into the buckle. Seth tries a sunset bomb but bangs up his knee again, just like the way it was injured back in 2015.

The knee is fine enough for a Buckle Bomb, followed by a high crossbody to the floor to take HHH out again. It’s time to set up two chairs and a table (with Stephanie wisely telling HHH that the weapons are there). Rollins hits a frog splash for two but a kick to the knee makes him drop the chair.

Now things get a bit rough as HHH Pillmanizes the knee twice in a row. He goes up top for the third, only to have Seth pelt a chair at his head, setting up a superplex into the Falcon’s Arrow. So he had a knee that should have him back in rehab the day after this show, had it crushed by a chair twice in a row, and is up doing stuff off the top thirty seconds later? I know I complain about a lack of selling a bit too much but this is pretty far beyond anything realistic.

HHH throws him in the reverse Figure Four which put Rollins out for weeks but Rollins reverses into a modified Crossface. That goes nowhere so HHH chairs the knee again and puts the hold on outside. Rollins tries to go underneath the ring to find whatever he can, including a sledgehammer which he throws to HHH for reasons of general stupidity. They head back inside with Rollins not only being able to stand but also being able to win a slugout.

One heck of a clothesline turns Rollins inside out but he scores with an enziguri to knock the hammer away. A Stephanie distraction lets HHH get a Pedigree for a very close two so he teases a super Pedigree. That’s broken up as well so Rollins hits a Phoenix splash (oh come on) for two of his own. They trade Pedigree attempts until HHH is knocked into Stephanie, sending her through the table.

That one spot COMPLETELY woke the crowd up after this long match had sucked the life out of them and shows what happens when you finally give the fans the comeuppance that a villain has earned (granted it might be nice if it happened more than once a year but you take what you can get with Stephanie). Rollins hits the Pedigree for the pin at 25:25.

Rating: C+. Major knee issues aside, this was actually much, much easier to sit through on a second viewing. It was a horribly boring match live and I was checking out reaction to the show instead of paying attention to the match. This viewing felt like the time was cut in half and I never really got bored.

That being said, it’s still not a great match because it ran at least seven minutes too long and you can only watch HHH hit him in the knee so many times before Rollins is mostly fine a minute later before it loses its charm. I really have issues with Rollins having his knee crushed twice and hitting a Phoenix splash in the same match but that’s just how wrestling works these days. Rollins was out of action just a week ago and wasn’t cleared for the match but he can do this here? That’s not a bit of a stretch? It’s still a good enough match though and Rollins won, though he should have done this back in October or so.

Pitbull and company perform. You could actually see the fans stand up almost in unison and head for the concourse.

After that eats up about eight minutes (a far more reasonable time than Kid Rock’s 20+ minutes), we recap Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton for the Smackdown World Title. Orton was tormented by the Wyatt Family so he joined the team and won the Royal Rumble. It turned out that it was a ruse (which wasn’t exactly a shock, though it wasn’t meant to be) and Orton burned down Bray’s barn, which was Sister Abigail’s grave. Bray then rubbed the dirt from the grave on his face to make himself all powerful for the match. Yeah it doesn’t make a ton of sense and is a good example of why they’re better off staying vague with Wyatt’s stuff.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Bray is defending and my goodness the Fireflies entrance looks amazing in a stadium. There’s no way you could look at this and not thing Wyatt is something very special. Orton, who comes out second for some reason, has a very cool entrance of his own with the fireworks shower returning and a digital snake that follows him down the ramp for something you don’t see very often.

Orton hits the powerslam early on but the threat of an RKO sends Wyatt bailing to the floor thirty seconds in. Back in and a hard headbutt puts Orton down….and there go the lights. With Orton down, maggots are projected down onto the mat. As you might expect, Orton immediately heads outside, which seems to show that it only wakes him up instead of causing him any kind of harm.

Bray runs him over again and hits a clothesline, which means it’s time to project worms on the mat. This changes nothing as they disappear and Bray just hits him a few more times. The release Rock Bottom and a backsplash give Bray two and they head outside for Sister Abigail into the barricade. Orton is right back up and rolling to the other side of the floor. Bray gives chase and runs right into the RKO.

That’s only good for two so Orton tries the Punt. Of course that’s countered so Orton settles for the backbreaker and hanging DDT, only to get caught in Sister Abigail. Orton is down again….and we’ve got cockroaches this time. Bray pulls him up and Orton is finally like “forget this nonsense” and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:21.

Rating: F. I have no idea what to make of that and I’d pay to hear it explained. Not only do we have Wyatt choke AGAIN in the big match but Orton just hits his finisher to win the title after all that nonsense. I get the idea of playing mind games or whatever but could you at least try to have something that made sense? It didn’t even make sense in Bray’s world and that’s giving them a lot of ground.

Above all else though, it’s just a lame way to end the match. There’s no big moment, there’s no real storyline change, there’s no big climax. It’s just Orton shrugging off all the weird stuff and hitting his finisher for the 100% clean pin. Orton didn’t need the title and while there’s always the chance that Bray will get the title back in the rematch, but this was a big, big dagger to the knees of his career.

The pilots from the fly over are here.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, which thankfully isn’t closing. Goldberg was awesome in the 90s and then had a horrible match with Lesnar in 2004. Then Goldberg retired for twelve years, only to return at Survivor Series 2016 and beat Lesnar in 90 seconds. He also eliminated Lesnar from the Royal Rumble so now we have one more match for the Raw World Title. Don’t you just see the money signs here?

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Lesnar is challenging and Goldberg gets the full entrance because this show apparently doesn’t have a time limit. Lesnar hits the first German suplex eight seconds in and the third one connects less than ten seconds later. Goldberg pops up and hits back to back spears to send Brock outside for a third spear through the barricade. They’re both down and we’re not even a minute into this yet. Back in and the F5 is escaped, setting up a fourth spear.

The Jackhammer only gets two (I believe Hogan is the only other person to kick out of that, which I think was due to Nash missing his cue) and you can see the life come back into Heyman. Goldberg loads up another spear but Lesnar leapfrogs him, sending Goldberg into the buckle. Seven more German suplexes (for the sake of the Tye Dillinger TEN from the crowd) sets up an F5 to give Lesnar the title back at 4:47.

Rating: B. Given the circumstances, this was as good as it was going to get. Goldberg took a ton of bumps here and put Lesnar over completely clean on his way out as Lesnar looks like the Beast again. I’m really glad they didn’t even bother with anything other than big power moves because that’s all anyone wanted to see them do in the first place. It might not be a great match or anything resembling one but it was EXACTLY what these two should have done. The major downside though is the title likely going away for awhile as we build towards Reigns vs. Lesnar next year because that’s the main event no matter what.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

Bliss is defending and this is one fall to a finish. They’re clearly rushing to get this started because NOW we care about saving time. Mickie, looking great here, comes out in a Native American headdress for a rather odd costume choice. Thankfully Carmella has James Ellsworth in the most over the top Wrestlemania themed gear you’re ever going to find. Naomi’s entrance is one heck of a trip with the colors going all over the place.

Everyone brawls to start and there’s almost no point in trying to call most of this. The big showdown is Mickie vs. Becky with Lynch cleaning house until Ellsworth grabs her boot, allowing Carmella to grab a hurricanrana. Bliss chokeshoves Carmella down and hits a Maivia Hurricane of her own for two as trash is talked. Some Bexploders clean house, including one to get rid of Ellsworth, but Mickie takes Becky down with a seated senton. Natalya loads up a German suplex on Becky with Naomi adding a sunset flip (after botching the first attempt) to send Becky flying.

Naomi and Carmella are put in a double Sharpshooter which falls apart before Natalya can even turn it over. The MickDT gets two on Becky and Mickie runs into a superkick (literally, as in she was out of range and had to move forward). Naomi clears the ring and hits the Rear View on Bliss before diving onto everyone else. Back in and Bliss punches Naomi out of the air, only to get caught in a weird submission (kind of a reverse Crossface actually) to give Naomi the title at 5:33.

Rating: D-. Yeah this really didn’t work and a lot of that is due to the time. They were crammed in there with as much action as they could fit into less than six minutes. This was more about getting the girls onto the stage in their special gear and having them try to do as much stuff as they could without seriously injuring each other. That’s on the company instead of the women so I certainly don’t blame them. Naomi winning was obvious and fine, though still not as important as WWE would have you believe.

New Day announces the attendance record of 75,245. Again, I forgot they were a part of this show.

We recap Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns. This is your pretty standard story: Undertaker is the old guard and Reigns is the new young star who thinks this is his yard. I know you hear this kind of story with Undertaker a lot but it really did feel different this time around.

Jim Ross makes a surprise return to call the main event. If you didn’t know something was up here, you should now.

Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker

This is announced as no holds barred, which is a new stipulation. In a very smart idea, Undertaker rises out of the middle of the ramp instead of walking all the way down. I completely missed that as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring as he was getting in. No matter how old he is, that entrance is still chilling live.

Undertaker starts fast and knocks Reigns to the floor and says this is still his yard. Back in and Reigns scores with a right hand before sending Undertaker over the top and right onto his feet. Reigns goes into the steps, only to come back with a Samoan drop to put Undertaker down. They head outside again with Undertaker popping him in the jaw to cut off the momentum, which makes sense from someone billed as a great striker. They head back inside again with the Snake Eyes into the big boot dropping Reigns for two.

Another trip to the floor (which really does suggest they’re hiding Undertaker’s limitations) sees Reigns try the apron boot and getting punched in the face again. Reigns tries again and gets chokeslammed onto the STRONGEST TABLE IN THE WORLD which again doesn’t break. Undertaker climbs onto the table but get speared through another one to put both guys down.

Reigns is up first and gets inside, only to have Undertaker sit up. Back in again and Reigns fires off the corner clotheslines but makes the mistake of raining in the punches, meaning a powerbomb out of the corner (hardly a Last Ride) gets two. It’s chair time and a series of shots look to set up a chokeslam, sending Reigns bailing for cover. Back in (again) and some Superman Punches rock Undertaker, only to have a third countered with a chokeslam onto the chair for two.

The Tombstone gets the same and you can feel the air go out of the arena, along with a BS chant. Undertaker loads up a second Tombstone but Reigns reverses…..and just can’t get Undertaker up. Eventually he just gives up and gets two off a Superman Punch for your horribly botched sequence of the match. The first spear connects but Undertaker pulls him into Hell’s Gate.

Reigns makes it to the ropes, which shouldn’t mean a thing in a no holds barred match. I believe that would be the third person ever to survive all of Undertaker’s finishers (HHH and Batista if memory serves). Undertaker is completely gassed so Reigns grabs the chair and wears him out, all the while imploring Undertaker to stay down. Two more spears add up to four and the fans try to believe that Undertaker has a chance.

Reigns Superman Punches him again so Undertaker sits up….only to collapse again. Undertaker pulls himself to his knees and says Reigns can’t do it…..before some miscommunication sees Reigns have to stop running the ropes and try it again. Another big spear puts Undertaker down for the pin and likely forever at 22:59.

Rating: D+. I don’t think anyone is going to consider this match great or even very good but it told a perfectly fine story (Undertaker gave it everything he had but just couldn’t last as long as the younger and stronger Reigns) and had some good enough moments at the beginning. It’s a good passing of the torch moment, albeit in a pretty bad match.

Reigns poses in front of the big fireworks display in what would normally end the show.

With Reigns gone, Undertaker is still down. The THANK YOU TAKER chants start up until he finally does the sit up. We look at some replays and come back with Undertaker in the ring wearing his hat and coat underneath the blue lights. He looks around the stadium as this feels like Mark Calaway in Undertaker attire instead of the Undertaker. Almost looking like he’s in tears, Undertaker goes to the ropes but stops and goes back to the middle of the ring and looks around some more.

He takes off the gloves (just like last year), the coat and finally, with a heavy sigh, the hat, leaving all of them in a pile on the mat. Undertaker finally leaves the ring, kisses Michelle McCool in the front row, and walks up the stage to the riser that brought him up for his entrance. With one last look back (and what appear to be tears), Undertaker raises his fist one last time as he descends to the gong sounding and THANK YOU TAKER CHANTS.

As a wrestling fan, it’s very rare to have something reach you on an emotional level. That’s what happened here though, as this truly does seem to be Undertaker’s retirement. I know he took the gloves off last year but it was more of an afterthought than anything else. This felt like it’s finally over, and I think that’s for the best. Undertaker’s performances haven’t been great for a good while now and you can only trot him out there for so long. If they do bring him back, it’s going to be almost impossible to top this exit and I don’t think Undertaker is the kind of performer who would want to. Thank you Taker.

Overall Rating: B. This is an interesting case as there’s a lot of good stuff on here but at the same time there’s a lot of bad dragging the good way back down. Let’s get the big problem out of the way first: this show is way, way too long and it kills so much momentum. Unless you’re a Wrestlemania XVII level show, this is too much in one night and there’s no way to keep up the energy.

Now that being said, a major upgrade over last year was we knew it was going that long. With XXXII, it wasn’t clear when things were going to end and that made an incredibly long night feel even longer. You do reach a point where there’s no reason to keep going other than to fill time, which this show didn’t quite reach. Yeah I was getting tired, but I knew when the show was ending and it took away a lot of the dragging feeling.

It also helped that there was no 30 minute Shane vs. Undertaker match (hour long segment), no 27 minute waiting period (another nearly hour long segment) disguised as a match while we counted down until the most obvious ending ever and no Rock playing with a flamethrower for five minutes. Undertaker vs. Reigns, which eventually feeling obvious, didn’t come off like we were just waiting around for Reigns to spear him down for the pin.

I never felt like this show was desperately trying to fill time or make the show longer. This time around it felt like they had put too much in, though nothing felt like it was just there for the sake of being there. Yeah there’s stuff that could be trimmed or cut, but this year it only feels like a bit could be cut off here and there. Last year, there’s probably a good hour that could be cut without too much trouble.

As for the actual wrestling, I’d call it a big improvement as well. There wasn’t any blow away match (unless you count the pre-show) but other than the Smackdown World Title match (which was mainly the booking more than anything else) and the Women’s Title match (time more than anything else), nothing on here was really terrible. There may not be a classic but there’s more than enough good to bring the show up.

Overall, the show is certainly entertaining and I had a better time watching it back than watching it live (not surprising as I did so over the course of two days). It’s a marked improvement over the previous year’s effort, though there are still some issues that are dragging it down. Trim the show down (wrap it up before midnight) by a bit and this show goes up a few more steps. As it is, it’s quite good but it has some major problems.

Results

AJ Styles b. Shane McMahon – Phenomenal Forearm

Kevin Owens b. Chris Jericho – Apron powerbomb

Bayley b. Nia Jax, Sasha Banks and Charlotte – Top rope elbow to Charlotte

Hardy Boyz b. Anderson and Gallows, Sheamus/Cesaro and Enzo Amore/Big Cass – Matt pulled down the titles

John Cena/Nikki Bella b. Miz/Maryse – AA to Miz and Rack Attack 2.0 to Maryse

Seth Rollins b. HHH – Pedigree

Randy Orton b. Bray Wyatt – RKO

Brock Lesnar b. Goldberg – F5

Naomi b. Carmella, Alexa Bliss, Mickie James, Becky Lynch and Natalya – Arm trap submission to Bliss

Roman Reigns b. Undertaker – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Takeover: New York
Date: April 5, 2019
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Nigel McGuinness, Percy Watson

We’re finally in the big city for what might be the best show of the weekend (I’m looking at you ROH/G1. Impress me.) with a new NXT Champion guaranteed in the main event. Other than that we have all title matches up and down the card with the United Kingdom Title on the line as well. I guess I can deal with this if I have to. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at the history of Takeovers (and Arrival) before getting to tonight’s card. The history was rather quick and that’s fine in something like this.

Tag Team Titles: War Raiders vs. Aleister Black/Ricochet

The Raiders are defending and come out with vikings beating on drums because they’re awesome that way. Ricochet and Black won the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic to get the shot. Black and Rowe start things off and they actually go technical with Rowe taking him down but not throwing a right hand at a downed opponent. Back up and Black puts his foot on the side of Rowe’s head as the mind games continue. They bump fists and it’s off to Hanson vs. Ricochet, much to the fans’ delight.

Ricochet goes with the speed and sends Hanson outside, leaving Rowe to take a dropkick. Black moonsaults to the middle and has a seat next to Ricochet as the NXT chants go up again. Back in and the pace quickens with Hanson sitting on Ricochet’s chest in the corner, setting up a slam to drop Rowe onto him again. With Ricochet mostly crushed, Rowe starts in on Black’s arm but the second tandem slam is cut off with a legsweep.

Ricochet already comes back in for a kick to the head and a springboard clothesline drops Rowe. Black’s elbow to the face gets one and we hit a seated abdominal stretch as the fans go nuts over something in the crowd. They chant YOU DESERVE IT until Rowe fights up and throws Black down with a slam. Hanson comes in to clean house, including the running clotheslines in the corner. Ricochet has had it with the beating and FALL AWAY SLAMS HANSON for your WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT/MAMA MIA spot.

Black and Rowe slug it out with Black kicking him in the head but getting kneed out of the air. A knee strike of his own sets up a heck of a German suplex for two on Rowe and the fans get to breathe while applauding. Hanson and Ricochet come back in for a flip off until Ricochet scores with his own kick to the head. That’s fine with Hanson, who hits a Tajiri handspring elbow (he shouldn’t be able to do that) for his own near fall. Ricochet knocks him off the top but it’s a blind tag, allowing Rowe to knee him into the corner.

Rowe throws Hanson into Ricochet in the corner and it’s a springboard clothesline/German suplex combination for two more with Black coming off the top with a double stomp for the save. Hanson gets sent outside and moonsaulted by Black, who takes a suicide dive from Rowe (whose feet got a little caught on the ropes). Ricochet busts out a corkscrew Space Flying Tiger Drop but it’s Hanson with a Cannonball off the top because it’s ok if he kills everyone.

Ricochet and Rowe dive back in to break up the count and it’s Black coming in as well. Rowe growls at him and takes a sweet Black Mass, knocking him silly. The 630 connects but Hanson shoves Black onto the cover for the save. Another 630 misses and Hanson blasts Black with a clothesline on the floor. Back in and Thor’s Hammer hits Ricochet and Hanson suicide dives onto Black. Fallout to Ricochet retains the titles at 18:39.

Rating: A. Yeah that was incredible and an instant classic with all four doing things that shouldn’t be humanly possible. Hanson alone is an athletic freak and their power moves are more than enough to carry them as far as they need to go. Ricochet and Black are going to be fine as they have solid chemistry, though Black still seems more like a singles star. Anyway, outstanding opener as the bar has been set.

Post match, hands are shaken and Black/Ricochet get the big sendoff to the main roster. Well they certainly deserve that.

Piper Niven and Toni Storm are here.

We recap Velveteen Dream vs. Matt Riddle. Dream finally won the big one by winning the North American Title back in February but Riddle showed up to get a better look at the belt. Dream didn’t like someone taking his spotlight and the match was made.

North American Title: Matt Riddle vs. Velveteen Dream

Dream is defending. Riddle comes out in a pinstripe jacket and Dream…..is the Statue of Liberty, sitting on a throne carried by four men ala Macho King Randy Savage. There certainly are some similarities. The fans are split (of course) and Dream doesn’t like that posing on the corner. Riddle starts kicking at the knee and Dream is completely dominated when he tries to take it to the mat. A springboard armdrag into an armbar has Dream bailing to the ropes as the champ is in early trouble.

They go to a back to back test of strength until Riddle flips over him and reverses a monkey flip into a cross armbreaker. That’s broken up as well so Dream gets smart by stomping on the bare foot. Dream gyrates the hips and gets gutwrench suplexed for his efforts. Riddle picks him up again and gyrates his own hips, allowing Dream to get out and hit a dropkick. With Riddle outside Dream tries a dive but lands in a German suplex on the floor. Back in and Riddle sends him flying with an exploder suplex but it’s too early for the Bromission.

The threat of an armbar sends Dream bailing to the ropes for the break and he’s right back up with a release German suplex. Riddle doesn’t sell German suplexes though and it’s a jumping knee into a fisherman’s buster for his latest near fall. Some forearms in the ropes show some frustration from Riddle so he counters what looked to be a powerbomb into a triangle. With that broken up, a GTS into a German suplex gives Riddle two. Kicks and knees to the chest make Dream HULK UP, meaning it’s a big boot and clothesline to the floor.

There’s the ax handle as we get both sides of the Mega Powers. Dream hits a Fameasser but dives into a jumping knee. A Codebreaker of all things gives Dream two but his running knee is countered into an ankle lock. Riddle switches feet to block Dream kicking him in the face but Dream is right back with a superkick. The wind up DDT sets up the Dream Valley Driver and Dream goes up.

The Purple Rainmaker is countered into most of the Bromission, sending Dream bailing to the ropes. Riddle takes him into the corner for a release German superplex into a corkscrew Swanton for a crazy hot near fall. A superkick doesn’t work for Dream as Riddle knees him into the Bromission but Dream flips back over for the pin at 17:33.

Rating: A. Well those were some of the best near falls I’ve ever seen and they actually got me on the finish. Riddle teasing the heel side during the match because his athleticism couldn’t get around Dream’s creativity and unorthodox style. This was an incredible match and the kind of match that Dream needed to win to really establish himself. I’m surprised that Riddle got pinned so soon, but he didn’t lose much at all from this. Great match as Dream steals another show.

More respect is shown post match.

Earlier today, Kushida signed with NXT and he’s in the crowd here.

We recap Pete Dunne vs. Walter for the United Kingdom Title. Dunne has held the title for nearly two years and is out of big challengers so Walter, a rather large man, is here to give him the fight of his reign. This should be amazing.

United Kingdom Title: Pete Dunne vs. Walter

Vic Joseph replaces Watson on commentary and Dunne is defending. Feeling out process to start with Dunne not being sure what to do with someone this size. Walter tries a choke but Dunne goes to the fingers to escape and even avoids a chop. Another chop misses and Walter tells Dunne to bring it. The champ gets slammed down into an armbar and now the chops start connecting, with Dunne looking a bit scared. Back up and a big boot keeps Dunne in trouble as Walter lays him on the top rope.

In a scary sight, Walter climbs the ropes as well and stands on Dunne’s throat as it’s one sided so far. They go back inside with Walter chopping his way out of a leglock and putting on a Boston crab. Dunne makes a rope and goes for the finger again so Walter boots him in the face to the floor. Back in and Dunne goes with the kicks to the head, allowing Dunne to moonsault onto the big man. For a change of pace, Dunne goes up top and, after bending the finger again, hits a slow motion sunset sitout powerbomb for two.

A top rope double stomp to the floor has Walter in more trouble but they’re right back inside. Dunne tries a moonsault over him but slips, allowing Walter to shotgun dropkick him down. Walter’s powerbomb, with Walter coming off the mat for the cover, gets two and they’re both a little spent. Walter chops him and gets slapped in the face, earning him another chop and a kick to the face. Dunne is picked back up but gets pushed back down in a test of strength for another stomp.

Another powerbomb is countered with an enziguri and they’re both down with the fans applauding. Dunne heads up top with his back to the ring, meaning Walter is right back up with a sleeper superplex (Who does that?) for two more. Somehow Dunne is alive and snaps both fingers, setting up a crucifix bomb for two. The fans are split as Dunne stomps at the side of Walter’s head so Walter kicks right back while still on the mat. Dunne has to flip out of a sleeper and kicks at the head even more.

Dunne traps both arms with the legs and bends the fingers back (FREAKING OW MAN!) but Walter gets a foot on the rope. A heck of a clothesline knocks Dunne off the top but Walter’s splash is countered into an attempted finger snap. That’s broken up with raw power though and Dunne is down again. Dunne won’t let go of the hand, even as Walter stomps him in the head.

A huge lariat breaks the grip but Dunne nails one of his own and hits the Bitter End for another two. They go to different ropes and pull themselves up because it’s time to slug it out. Dunne absorbs the chops so Walter kicks him in the head for no cover, sending Nigel into a near fit. Walter goes up top but Dunne is up again and tries a triangle. That’s reversed into a super jackknife bu Walter STILL doesn’t cover. A top rope splash FINALLY finishes Dunne at 25:30.

Rating: A. I need a nap. That was one of the hardest hitting fights I’ve ever seen with both guys beating the fire out of each other as only they could. The fingers and chops were used a bit too much but my goodness what more could you want? They had to take the title off of Dunne eventually and this was the only way that it could have gone. Walter is one of the few guys who could conceivably beat him and they just happened to get there in another classic.

Edge and Beth Phoenix are here.

We recap the women’s Title match. Shayna Baszler is out of one on one challengers so it’s Kairi Sane, Io Shirai and Bianca Belair at the same time. Belair’s “being undefeated is a mindset” promo still makes my head hurt.

Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Io Shirai vs. Kairi Sane vs. Shayna Baszler

Shayna is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Shirai and Sane are sent outside early on and it’s Belair having to flip out of Baszler’s Kirifuda Clutch. Back in and everyone goes after Baszler as Sane and Shirai start teaming up. As expected, they’re left alone and have to fight each other but Shirai flips out of a headscissors. Shayna and Bianca take their places and it’s Baszler grabbing the hair, only to have Belair pull her face first into the post. A running elbow gives Sane two on Belair and it’s a baseball slide to Baszler.

Shirai springboard missile dropkicks Belair but walks into a fall away slam. Baszler is back in to clean house and load up a gutwrench superplex on Belair, which is turned into the Tower of Doom (you knew that was coming). Shirai launches Sane over the ropes onto Belair and Baszler, followed by the middle rope moonsault for a bonus. Back in and Belair gets caught between Shirai and Sane until Baszler pulls Sane outside. That means a gorilla press to send Sane onto both of them, leaving Baszler to come back in.

The double chickenwing slam is countered into the Kirifuda Clutch but Belair powers back up for the KOD. Shirai dives in for the save and hits an X Factor. Back to back moonsaults hit Baszler for two with Sane making the save. That gives us Shirai vs. Sane with Shirai being slammed onto Baszler. The Insane Elbow hits Baszler with Shirai DIVING back in for what might have been a late save. Belair catches Sane on top and hits a double KOD on Sane and Shirai but it’s Baszler coming back in to kick Belair down. The Kirifuda Clutch makes Belair tap at 15:30.

Rating: B. Thank goodness as Belair was getting way too close to winning and I can’t handle hearing that many of her inane promos. Baszler winning is interesting because who is left to beat her? Candice LeRae would make the most sense, but that seems like a long way off. Maybe we’ll get there someday, but Baszler is going to need something to bridge that gap. Anyway, easily the worst match of the night and it was quite good.

We recap the main event, with the original plan of Tommaso Ciampa defending the NXT Title against Johnny Gargano being shelved because Ciampa needed neck surgery. Therefore, Adam Cole won a five way match, earning himself the spot in the title match against Gargano in a 2/3 falls match.

NXT Title: Adam Cole vs. Johnny Gargano

The title is vacant coming in and it’s 2/3 falls. Cole sends the Undisputed Era to the back so he can do this on his own. The fans are behind Cole and it’s off to the mat about a minute and a half in. Gargano works on a hammerlock but gets reversed into a headlock. Back up and it’s an armdrag into an armbar to to keep Cole in trouble. That’s broken up and Cole bails to the floor where he manages to catch Gargano with a jumping enziguri. A hard knee to the face rocks Gargano and we hit a chinlock.

Gargano fights up again so Cole pulls him right back down into a dragon sleeper. That’s broken up too and it’s a double crossbody for a double knockdown. They bring it up another gear with Gargano nailing a belly to belly, setting up the rolling kick to the head. The slingshot spear gets two and a tornado Downward Spiral is good for the same. Cole is right back with the Backstabber out of the corner for two of his own. They fight over a small package and it’s Cole up first with a jumping enziguri. Another exchange of rollups goes nowhere so Cole hits the Last Shot for the first fall at 13:54.

The second fall begins and it’s a German suplex into another Last Shot for a very close two. Gargano spears him to the floor but walks into the fireman’s carry backbreaker. Back up and Cole can’t get a superbomb so Johnny reverses into a super White Noise (Ciampa move) for two of his own. With that not working, Gargano hits a slingshot DDT onto the apron but breaks the count, allowing Cole to post him twice in a row. Back in and Johnny grabs the flipping armbar (Ciampa move) before switching over to the Gargano Escape for a very fast tap and the tie at 20:52.

We pause for a second as Gargano has a cut on his head but it’s not a bad one. Gargano’s discus lariat sets up a swinging kick to the head but the brainbuster to the knee gives Cole two. The Lawn Dart sends Cole into the middle buckle for two so it’s double enziguris and double superkicks for a double knockdown. Cole is up first with a straitjacket suplex but Gargano is back with a reverse hurricanrana. The low superkick sends Cole outside and Gargano is crushed again. He goes out to get him and it’s a wheelbarrow suplex into the apron to put Gargano down again.

Back in and Gargano’s slingshot spear is blocked with a superkick, setting up Cole’s middle rope Canadian Destroyer for a very close two and the fans are losing it again. Gargano rolls outside and Cole tells him that he fails so Gargano throws him over the announcers’ table. The table is cleared out but Cole hits a Fairy Tale Ending onto (not through) the table instead. Cole wants the countout so Johnny dives back in at nine, right into a low superkick for another near fall.

The next Canadian Destroyer is countered into the Gargano Escape and here’s Roderick Strong for a distraction. Kyle O’Reilly breaks the hold as Cole is tapping and the referee goes down. High/Low from Fish and O’Reilly gets an even closer two so Gargano backdrops Cole onto all three of them. The Era gets beaten up on the floor but it’s two more superkicks into the Last Shot from Cole….for two. Another Last Shot misses and the Gargano Escape makes Cole tap for the title at 38:15.

Rating: A-. Yeah it worked and while it needed to be Ciampa, this was the best ending they could have had given what they had. Gargano FINALLY overcoming the odds to win the title was the feel good ending that the show needed, especially with Gargano defeating the entire Era to win. Some of the near falls were a bit much and there were a few too many superkicks, but they nailed the ending and that’s what mattered most.

Candice comes out to celebrate and they go into the crowd to hug their parents. They walk to the stage….and it’s Tommaso Ciampa….to hug both of them to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. Oh like it could be anything else. Those first three matches are as great of a three match stretch as you’ll find and that’s more than enough to carry whatever else was on the show. It got the big ending, the various classics and absolutely nothing close to bad. What else can you get out of a three hour and fifteen minute show? Another incredible show and that’s just what you get from these shows.

Results

War Raiders b. Ricochet/Aleister Black – Fallout to Ricochet

Velveteen Dream b. Matt Riddle – Rollup

Walter b. Pete Dunne – Top rope splash

Shayna Baszler b. Bianca Belair, Io Shirai and Kairi Sane – Kirifuda Clutch to Belair

Johnny Gargano b. Adam Cole – Gargano Escape

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Rev Pro: New York
Date: April 5, 2019
Location: New York Hilton Midtown, New York City, New York
Commentators: Andy Boy Simmonz, Kevin Kelly

I’ve seen these guys twice live and had a good time with each of the shows so this was a must for the list. I don’t really follow their stories all that closely but I know enough of the names to keep up. This show will have a mixture of British wrestling and New Japan so it’s going to be quite the combination. Let’s get to it.

Kelly welcomes us to the show and says we’ll be ready to go in just a bit. Fifteen minutes later we’re ready to go.

Owner Andy Quildan welcomes us to the show and says part of the delay was wrestlers at the merch tables (fair enough). We get the traditional requests for the cheering but no “London says they’re louder than you”.

Karl Fredericks/Clark Conners vs. CCK

That would two Young Lions from the New Japan Los Angeles dojo vs. Jonathan Gresham/Chris Brookes. Clark and Gresham go straight to the mat and it’s actually a standoff, which you wouldn’t expect against Gresham. A chop off goes to Conners and the bigger Fredericks comes in to shove Gresham into the corner. Brookes comes in and gets taken down by the smaller Fredericks, as the Young Lions are certainly good on the mat.

Fredericks powers him into the corner and it’s a double leglock from the Lions, drawing Gresham in for a save. Speaking of Gresham, he comes in off a blind tag and catches Conners in a German suplex. Brookes comes back in and slaps on a leglock with Fredericks picking Gresham up and throwing him away to make a save. A dropkick to Gresham’s leg gives us a double knockdown and everything breaks down. Stereo Boston crabs from the Lions are broken up with some kicks from Brookes and we hit the ten minute mark.

Fredericks throws Conners into Brookes and it’s another chop off to put Brookes in trouble. A Jay Driller with Gresham adding a kick to the head gets….two with Conners shoving Clark into the cover for the save. I thought that was it. Clark and Gresham forearm it out until an enziguri into a standing Lionsault has Clark rocked. The ankle lock goes on with Gresham pulling him up into a bridging German suplex for two more. Gresham has had it and it’s a discus forearm….for two more with Gresham being shocked. A spinning kick to the head knocks Conners silly for the pin at 13:35.

Rating: B. Considering that the Lions are trainees, this was a heck of a fight with the rookies more than holding their own here. I had a good time watching it and that’s more than you expect when one of the teams is told to use a limited moveset. Very good opener and far better than I was expecting.

Carlos Romo vs. A-Kid vs. Kid Lykos vs. Flamita

I’m only familiar with Flamita so this is going to be all over the place. Kid and Romo are a regular team called Team Whitewolf. Flamita and Lykos chop away in the corner with Lykos missing a 619 in the corner but snapping off a headscissors. They switch out with the other two but Kid is thrown outside onto Romo, meaning it’s a flip dive from Lykos.

Another one from Flamita takes everyone down but Flamita stops for some posing. Back in and Kid fisherman suplexes Flamita for two, leaving himself open for a kick to the face from Lykos. A split legged moonsault gives Lykos two of his own and a 619 takes Kid to the floor. Romo adds a moonsault but gets caught with a 619 and Backstabber from Flamita. Kid is right back up with a Canadian Destroyer to Lykos but Romo slides in and steals the pin at 7:04.

Rating: B-. This was about as long as they could go at this pace before it stops meaning as much. I do like the fact that they advance storylines on this show instead of just having one off matches as it adds a nice change of pace. Flamita was the most impressive of course but the other three got to showcase themselves as well, which is one of the hardest parts in a match like this.

Michael Oku vs. Brian Cage

Oku is a contender and Cage is a surprise opponent. He starts kicking at the legs and has a tornado DDT easily countered with raw power. A release powerbomb sets up a hard toss across the ring as Oku is already in big trouble. Cage throws him again and makes it even worse with a monkey flip. A little too much posing lets Oku get in a basement dropkick to the back of the head but doesn’t know what to do next, allowing Cage to throw him down again.

The F5 is countered and Oku goes up….for a moonsault that Cage can’t catch. Cage gets sent outside for the flip dive to the floor but it’s too early for a countout. The powerbomb counter into a sunset flip is botched so Oku reverses an F5 into the Canadian Destroyer (WAY too popular a move this weekend) for a delayed two. Well done on not doing the same spot and mixing it up a bit there. Cage’s helicopter bomb gets a rather surprising two and Oku reverses another powerbomb into a hurricanrana for two more. That’s it for Cage as the Drill Claw finishes Oku at 9:39.

Rating: C+. Well that was way better than it had any right to be as Oku is basically trying to get his first big win and has to fight Cage. I’ll give Cage some major points for that much selling as it made Oku look far better than he would have otherwise. Cage is one of those imports who can make for a good guest star and if he can help out the full time people, good for him.

Hiroshi Tanahashi/Will Ospreay vs. Minoru Suzuki/Zack Sabre Jr.

Suzuki/Sabre’s British Tag Team Titles aren’t on the line. Tanahashi and Sabre start things off with Sabre taking him up against the rope with ease. That’s broken up and Sabre skips around the ring and Tanahashi can’t do anything with him. Ospreay comes in and knocks Sabre to the floor but Suzuki grabs an armbar over the ropes to cut off a dive. They head outside with Suzuki forearming the heck out of him, sending Ospreay down in a heap.

Back in and Ospreay lets Suzuki chop him and is stupid enough to let him do it a few more times. Everything breaks down and the villains slap on stereo holds. With those broken, Suzuki goes after the referee because he has to hurt someone. Ospreay’s nose is busted (looks broken) so Suzuki elbows him in the face. I love that kind of meanness. The half crab goes on as the announcers explain that this isn’t about a submission but just about pain.

Ospreay somehow springboards into a kick to the head and the hot tag brings in Tanahashi. They trade abdominal stretches but you know that’s not good enough for Sabre, who slaps on an armbar at the same time. Sabre stomps on the arm and it’s back to Suzuki for the exchange of forearms. Tanahashi knocks him backwards (shocking) and extends his jaw to give Suzuki a free shot.

Suzuki takes him down by the leg but Ospreay makes a save, allowing Tanahashi to get back up for a forearm. Ospreay fires in a long stretch of forearms to knock Suzuki down in the corner for a basement dropkick…..and Suzuki stands up. More forearms give Suzuki that “boy you done messed up look” so Ospreay says bring it. A forearm from Suzuki gives Ospreay that “my goodness that was incredibly painful look” but a spinwheel kick drops Suzuki.

The sleeper has Ospreay in more trouble and Sabre comes in for the Penalty Kicks. Tanahashi makes a save and the villains slap on stereo abdominal stretches. That’s broken up and a dragon screw legwhip sends Suzuki outside. The Sling Blade sets up the picture perfect shooting star press for two on Sabre. Back up and Ospreay tries Stormbreaker but gets reversed into the European Clutch for the pin at 21:17.

Rating: A-. Suzuki is still the scariest human in wrestling history and this was a good example of why you don’t try to hit him in the face. These guys beat each other up quite well and it even helps set up Tanahashi vs. Sabre tomorrow night at Madison Square Garden. This is the best match I’ve seen this weekend so far and that covers some ground, so Rev Pro comes through again.

Intermission.

Rocky Romero vs. Ryusuke Taguchi

I believe Swoggle is in the crowd along the aisle. Taguchi is in his rugby gear to celebrate the upcoming Rugby World Cup. Romero bails from the threat of a hip attack before going with an armbar to take Taguchi down. Back up and Romero offers a handshake, even shaking the referee’s hand to show that it’s legitimate. Taguchi does take the handshake but gets kicked in the ribs, allowing Romero to hit the Eddie Guerrero dance.

A handstand from Taguchi lets him offer a quick dropkick but he’s out of the way so Romero misses for a crash. The hip attack knocks Romero outside but Taguchi spends WAY too much time getting ready, allowing Romero to knock him outside. The suicide dive connects and it’s Romero hitting his own hip attack. That’s not cool with the fans and it’s an exchange of atomic drops….for stereo Flair Flops. A series of hip attacks have Romero in more trouble as this needs to end.

Taguchi rolls some vertical suplexes but Romero is right back with a springboard dropkick to the back. The Forever Lariats don’t last forever and it’s some Forever Hip Attacks until a tornado DDT plants Taguchi. Sliced Bread is countered into a series of rollups for two each because THIS WON’T JUST END. Romero hits some Kawada Kicks to the face and, you guessed it, Taguchi does the same things with hip attacks. Taguchi hits an enziguri and a running hip attack gets two. A double chickenwing faceplant finishes Romero at 15:22.

Rating: D-. WOW this was bad as it felt like it was going on for about three times what we got. It just kept going with about 80% of Taguchi’s offense being that stupid hip attack. This felt like a performance instead of two guys trying to win a match and that made it feel so much longer than anything else. I know Romero is a rather polarizing wrestler and I can easily see how that’s the case. Worst match I’ve seen all weekend and it was nearing torture.

Tomohiro Ishii vs. David Starr

Starr’s Cruiserweight Title isn’t on the line. Starr is always claiming that Rev Pro is against him (that was the case two years ago) so Ishii is pretty much here to kill him. Feeling out process to start and Starr decides it’s a good idea to chop someone called the Stone Pitbull. About five chops have no effect and one Ishii chop takes Starr down. It also fires Starr up as he’s right back on his feet for a hard running shoulder.

Starr stomps him down in the corner and hits a running clothesline for two. Ishii gets annoyed at the chops and forearms and it’s time for Starr’s pain to really begin. A rolling kick to the head drops Ishii to the floor and it’s a suicide dive to give Starr his best chance so far. Back in and a top rope elbow gives Starr two but his German suplex is no sold. A superkick works a bit better but Ishii is right back up with a delayed superplex for two more.

The sliding lariat is countered into a rollup for two and Starr fires off two straight lariats for his own near fall. Another superkick sets up the Tomorrow Driver (the brainbuster onto the knee) for two more as they’re trading covers here. Ishii has finally had it and nails the sliding lariat into the brainbuster for the pin at 13:08.

Rating: C+. They were beating on each other as hard as they could (well maybe not as hard as Ishii could) and that made for a good but not great match. There wasn’t exactly a story to the match and most of it was spent trading forearms and clotheslines until the end. There wasn’t a ton of drama because Starr never tried anything big and you knew that brainbuster was waiting at the end. It was good, but it never got that far out of high gear.

Aussie Open vs. Roppongi 3K

3K’s IWGP Junior Tag Team Titles aren’t on the line. Davis and Yoh start things off with a test of strength taking Yoh down without much effort. Sho comes in to face Fletcher but everything breaks down with Roppongi dropkicking them to the floor for stereo flip dives. Back in and Fletcher gets dragged into the wrong corner but he’s right back with a double toss into the air for two on Sho. A hard clothesline connects for the same and it’s off to Davis to chop and elbow at Sho’s chest.

We hit the reverse chinlock with Yoh making a save as the slow beatdown continues. Fletcher kicks Sho down but can’t get a suplex as we hit the ten minute mark. Sho slips out of a suplex and hits a spear (you don’t see that one very often in Japan). That’s enough to bring Yoh back in for a backbreaker/neckbreaker combination on Fletcher. The Figure Four goes on until Davis comes over for a save.

Everything breaks down and Sho gets kicked on the floor, leaving Yoh to take an assisted cutter for two with Sho diving back in for the save. Fletcher and Yoh trade kicks to the head and back to the to the other two with Sho’s running clotheslines having no effect. A dropkick to the knee into a German suplex works a bit better and it’s Sho coming back in for double jumping knees to the face.

3K is broken up with Fletcher’s high crossbody but the Fidget Spinner is broken up. Yoh comes back in and 3K grabs stereo submissions, broken up by stereo reaching the ropes. Fletcher kicks Davis’ arm by mistake and gets rolled up for two but Sho is sent outside. A stuff piledriver into the Fidget Spinner is good for the pin on Yoh at 20:28.

Rating: C. This was WAY too long again and it hurt the match a lot. Aussie Open is good but it felt like they were extending the match for the sake of extending the match. That’s almost never a good idea and it really hurt things here. I was waiting on the match to end instead of wanting to see the finish and that’s not a good sign. It certainly wasn’t bad, but it was a long match at the end of a long show.

The shake hands to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a great example of a show being cut in half by intermission and the quality dropping off a cliff in the second half. The first half of this show was one of the better ones I’ve seen in a long time but the second was one long match after another and I was checking the clock a lot. There’s more good than bad, but it needed to have about twenty minutes cut to really make it great. Of just don’t do Taguchi vs. Romero at all. Check out that first half but move on to something else after intermission.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

WrestleCon: USA vs. The World
Date: April 5, 2019
Location: New York Hilton Midtown, New York City, New York
Commentators: Excalibur, Dan Barry

This is a new one as WrestleCon is running a pair of shows and there’s a theme to this one. It’s a pretty simple idea here and the name alone should explain things. We’ll be seeing some interesting matches here and WrestleCon knows how to do these things quite well most of the time. Let’s get to it.

If there was an opening sequence, it didn’t make the feed.

Emil Sitoci (World) vs. Brian Pillman Jr. (USA)

Sitoci was on the WXW show yesterday. Pillman goes right after him to start and sends Sitoci to the apron for a springboard dropkick to the floor. The fans chant for Papa Pillman as Sitoci sends him into the barricade. It’s time to wrap the leg around the post (Excalibur: “The ACTUAL hardest part of the ring ladies and gentlemen.”) so Sitoci can bring him back inside for a knee to the knee.

A spinning toehold sets up a Figure Four as Sitoci certainly knows how to work on a leg. Pillman grabs a rope and they chop it out with a powerslam getting two on Sitoci. A superplex attempt is broken up and Pillman nails a high crossbody to a big reaction. The knee to the jaw sets up a swinging neckbreaker for the pin on Sitoci at 7:55.

Rating: C. Pillman has a lot of potential and is already looking better than he should. He’s been a regular in MLW and right now he’s just in need of ring time. I hadn’t seen Sitoci before yesterday and he’s been a rather nice surprise. He’s not great or someone I want to see being signed to WWE, but he seems to be quite the star in WXW and wherever else he works.

USA – 1

World – 0

Maxwell Jacob Friedman (USA) vs. Ethan Page (World)

Before the match, Page sings You Are My Sunshine in reference to MJF singing it on the Rosie O’Donnell Show as a child in a video that recently made the rounds. MJF freaks out and they fight around the ring with Page dropping him face first onto the apron. Page’s fingers get caught in the turnbuckle hook to make Page scream and it’s time to start in on the arm.

The armbar goes on but Page uses the free arm to start up the song again for the break. MJF goes right back to the armbar and grabs the rope like a true heel. Why is that such a lost art? The referee kicks the arm away and Page swings with the right arm instead. MJF doesn’t seem to mind as he hits a top rope double stomp to the arm and slaps on a Fujiwara armbar. Page makes the rope so it’s a hanging piledriver to put him away at 6:19.

Rating: C-. I hate to admit it, but MJF is growing on me. He’s not too bad at all in the ring and does a nice job of breaking a limb apart in an old school style. I’m starting to see the potential in what he does and while the gimmick has been done before, it’s something that works quite well because it’s a classic. I want to see him get punched in the face and that means he’s doing his job quite well.

USA – 2

World – 0

David Starr (USA) vs. Daga (World)

Daga is a replacement for Susumo Yokosuka, a Dragon Gate talent that got pulled. They start fast with the flipping and near dives into an early standoff. Daga snaps off a hurricanrana to the floor and there’s a suicide dive. Back in and a tilt-a-whirl faceplant into a rolling kick to the head gives Starr two but Daga is right back up with a series of forearms. Starr headbutts the arm for a smart counter so Daga kicks him in the face for two. The brainbuster to the knee gives Starr another near fall and Daga nails a pop up Death Valley Driver.

Starr is right on his feet…and falls straight back down in a funny spot. They slug it out with more forearms until Daga snaps off another hurricanrana for another two. Starr is right back with a DDT onto the apron and a powerbomb into a jackknife rollup gets two more. That’s enough for Starr, who grabs something like a Sharpshooter but only turns Daga half over before pulling up on the arm at the same time for the tap at 6:34.

Rating: B-. Starr is another guy who has grown on me a lot since I started watching this kind of wrestling. He has a charisma that can make whatever he does work and his in-ring abilities are quite good as well. He’s around on almost every show and I like him more every time I see him. That’s hard to do but he’s pulled it off.

USA – 3

World – 0

Darby Allin (USA) vs. Black Taurus (World)

Bonus match. It’s a creepy guy with half his face painted vs. a man in a bull mask. Taurus feels things out a bit before slapping the taste out of Allin’s mouth to send him outside. Back in and La Majistral gives Allin two and he sends Taurus outside for a quick suicide dive. Taurus shrugs it off and hits a Shining Wizard back inside, setting up an armbar.

Allin pops up and hits a bottom rope corkscrew splash, only to get his head taken off by the Rainmaker. Pete Dunne’s Bitter End gets another two but Allin backdrops him to the floor. The Coffin Drop connects but a second attempt hits knees back inside. A spinning sitout brainbuster finishes Allin at 7:18.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one, though that might be due to me not being overly familiar with either guy. I’ve seen them both before but neither of them are top stars. It’s nice to get something different involved though and the World side needed a win after such dominance so far.

USA – 3

World – 1

Jiro Ikemen (World) vs. Rich Swann (USA)

The very energetic and flamboyant Ikemen is a replacement for Masato Yoshino. Swann is even wearing the X Division Title but it’s not on the line. Hang on though as Swann walks through the crowd to get to the ring for his own energetic entrance. Ikemen wrestles in his jacket and they dance into a handshake. Swann knocks him down with a shoulder but Ikemen pops up for a pose, including a good look at the jacket.

The flip over Ikemen sets up a dropkick to the floor, where Swann makes sure he’s ok. After the confirmation, he kicks Ikemen in the ribs and tells the crowd that he is NOT ok. They start the chase around the ring with Ikemen hiding under the ring and slipping around to the other side for a running flip dive. Back in and Ikemen slaps on a half crab but makes sure to show off the inner lining of the jacket. A rope is grabbed and Swann is back up for a series of strikes to the face, with a big kick sending Ikemen outside.

Of course that means the flip dive to follow and a frog splash gets two back inside. Swann’s missed charge in the corner lets Ikemen hit an Arabian press for two of his own. A jumping hurricanrana brings Ikenem off the top and Swann’s stepover kick to the face gets a fall so near enough that the referee seemed to have to stop early. They exchange kicks to the leg with Swann’s knee giving out to set up the Figure Four. That’s broken up so Ikemen hits a moonsault for the pin at 9:19.

Rating: B-. Another match that I enjoyed with someone I’ve never seen before. Swann is one of the smoothest talents going today so you knew he was going to be doing his part here. Ikemen’s thing with the jacket is certainly unique so it was a nice mixture here of two people who can do the goofy stuff mixed with the serious wrestling.

USA – 3

World – 2

Rascalz (USA) vs. Robbie Eagles/Adam Brooks/Australian Suicide (World)

Well ok. The Rascalz are Trey Miguel/Zack Wentz/Dezmond Xavier. The Aussies are replacing more Dragon Gate talent who couldn’t make it due to visa issues. Suicide popped up on what is probably the last episode of Lucha Underground. We get some dueling international chants with Wentz doing Jim Duggan’s pose for a funny bit. The Americans flip off the international fans and everyone goes at it to start (I’m sure you saw that coming.) with Miguel sending Brooks outside but having to deal with Eagles. Suicide comes back in for a headscissors on Miguel so it’s off to Xavier for a dropsault to send him outside.

Brooks is back in with a series of Canadian Destroyers and a Meteora to crush Wentz on the apron. The big Fosbury Flop takes everyone down but the Rascalz are right back to take over only to have Suicide come back with a shooting star (not a press because there’s no cover) onto all three of them. Back in and another Canadian Destroyer sends Wentz outside, only to have Dezmond hit his moonsault kick to the head but Brooks comes in for the save. Miguel missile dropkicks him down, setting up Wentz’ top rope double stomp for the pin on Brooks at 6:48.

Rating: C+. It was fun while it lasted but I was hoping for some more of this one. The Rascalz have been a blast since I saw them for the first time in Impact so I was happy to see them on the card. Eagles impressed me yesterday at the Supershow so this was a rather nice match all around. It’s also nice to see the wrestlers finally going somewhere with the US vs. the World theme, which hasn’t been happening yet.

USA – 4

World – 2

LAX (USA) vs. Hart Foundation (World)

That would be Teddy Hart and Davey Boy Smith Jr., meaning Hart brings a cat with him. The Harts (replacing Brooks and Eagles) have been awesome in MLW so this should be a lot of fun. Fellow Foundation member Brian Pillman Jr. is in the crowd cheering instead of walking out with them due to reasons of the Pillman Family being a little odd.

They exchange poses in the corner to start and then shake hands before jumping LAX from behind after a minute and a half of stalling. Santana’s leg gets wrapped around the post and the Hartbreaker from Smith makes it even worse. Hart gets in a suplex on Ortiz and then yells about MLW being better than Impact. They get inside for the first time and Hart hits his moonsault elbow for two as it’s Ortiz in trouble early.

Smith hits a very delayed vertical suplex and it’s off to the chinlock. The surfboard goes on and Smith even kicks Ortiz forward for a crash onto the mat. Hart snaps off a powerslam but stops to yell at the referee before slapping on a Rings of Saturn. Ortiz tells him what he can suck and the hold is broken, triggering a SUCK MY **** chant from the crowd. Ortiz finally gets over for the hot tag as everything breaks down. Santana gets sent outside and an assisted Canadian Destroyer finishes Oritz at 10:39.

Rating: B. I like both teams and they worked a much more standard formula here, which works well when you have such talented people in there. The Harts have been one of the biggest surprises of the last year as the MLW crowd loves them and they’re having some awesome matches. LAX is LAX, so this was a very nice showcase all around.

Post match, Ortiz says that somehow, someday Hart will suck his ****. Hart: “I’m not going to address the sucking the ****.” He swears a lot and thanks the fans while ripping on New York. Hart also puts over Highspots for giving him a chance. He did NOT suck anything for a job here or in any big company. Smith says this is USA vs. the World but we’re all family.

USA – 4

World – 3

Sammy Guevara (USA) vs. Puma King (World)

The announcers can’t stand Sammy, which is rather easy to understand. There’s actually a story here as Sammy went through King’s bag a few weeks ago. They tease a handshake before it’s an exchange of double middle fingers. Sammy heads outside and reaches into the cameraman’s pocket to pull out a middle finger. They trade some flips without much contact and indeed it’s more middle fingers. A double dropkick gives us a double knockdown and it’s Puma being sent outside for the first flip dive.

Back in and Puma hits a superkick but hang on as he needs a mic. Puma tells us to subscribe to his YouTube channel (a Sammy trademark) so Sammy knees him in the face. That’s enough for Sammy to say f*** Puma’s YouTube channel. Now he’s going to go do some more spots and pin him. Sammy sends him to the floor for an apron moonsault and hits a super hurricanrana for two back inside. King is fine enough to hit a pendulum powerbomb for the pin at 8:57.

Rating: D+. This one is going to depend on your tastes and that’s perfectly fine. I get Sammy’s heel stuff and after all of the back and forth technical stuff that we’ve seen tonight, it’s fine to go with some comedy. King has been entertaining every time I’ve seen him and Sammy is certainly good when he’s doing his stuff. I wasn’t wild on the YouTube/middle finger stuff over and over, but it could have been worse.

USA – 4

World – 4

Brian Cage (USA) vs. Masato Tanaka (World)

Tanaka’s shoulder and crossbody don’t work as Cage catches him for some curls. Instead the forearms in the corner work a bit better until a sliding kick to the face take Tanaka down. The corner clotheslines set up a chinlock until Tanaka fights up and grabs a DDT. Cage hits the apron superplex and a top rope elbow for two, followed by the buckle bomb. Tanaka is right back with a brainbuster for two of his own but the frog splash hits knees.

Cage’s dead lift German suplex into a Death Valley Driver gets two more. Tanaka’s rolling elbow sends Cage into the ropes for the rebound lariat and they’re both down again. They trade the hard shots to the face again until Tanaka knees him down for two off the Sliding D. A second attempt is cut off with a clothesline and Cage’s buckle bomb sets up the Drill Claw for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: C+. This was very similar to Tanaka vs. Eddie Kingston from yesterday’s show and that’s not a bad thing. It was two big, strong guys hitting each other in the head until one of them couldn’t get up. Cage winning is fine as it seals the competition for America and while it doesn’t mean much, it’s the smart way to go to wrap things up. Nice hard hitting match here, which is all it should have been.

USA – 5

World – 4

Overall Rating: C. Well that was….short. The whole thing was barely two hours and I’d kind of like more than that for a $15 show. It was perfectly watchable but felt more like a supplement to yesterday’s Supershow. There might be one or two matches in there worth seeing (the Harts vs. LAX was a nice treat) but it’s certainly not worth going out of your way to see. I’m pretty disappointed in this as there was no standout show and the time really hut things.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

We’re under two days away from Takeover: New York and I believe that’s close enough to start getting excited. The show, as always, looks awesome and with a special imported match this year, we could be in for something even better than usual. There isn’t a bad looking match on the card and if things go well, it’s already going to be the show of the year. Let’s get to it.

Women’s Title: Shayna Baszler(c) vs. Bianca Belair vs. Kairi Sane vs. Io Shirai

We’ll start off with a confusing one as it depends on which wrestling story you go for. First of all you have the idea that when everyone else cancels themselves out, the champion, and best performer (maybe) at the moment, in this case Baszler, retains. At the same time though, there is the chance that we could have Baszler showing up on the main roster either over the weekend or next week. You could go either way, or cut it down the middle and have Baszler retain and show up on the main roster.

I think I’ll go with Belair winning, which I hope doesn’t lead to her talking more often. She’s an incredible athlete but she’s also one of the most annoying talkers I can remember in a very long time. Baszler can move up to the main roster while Belair feuds with the Sky Pirates or some of the other upcoming stars in the division. It might not be the most appealing choice, but it’s the one that makes the most sense.

North American Title: Velveteen Dream(c) vs. Matt Riddle

You know what I love the most about NXT? Ok maybe not the most but it’s certainly up there? It’s almost impossible to know who is going to win any given match. This one is a real tossup and it comes after a four way tossup. Dream is crazy over, but Riddle isn’t going to lose this soon in his NXT career. That and Dream just doesn’t win on the big stage most of the time.

That being said, I’ll take Riddle, as Dream might be on his way to the main roster (egads I hope not though). It’s what makes the most sense at this point and that’s usually the way NXT likes to go. These two could have an incredible match with Riddle playing by the rules (mostly) and Dream being so out there that it messes with Riddle’s mind. Either way, the fans are going to be going nuts and it should be awesome. But yeah, Riddle wins in the end.

Tag Team Titles: War Raiders(c) vs. Aleister Black/Ricochet

Can I please have an easy match on this show? Not everything has to be so well put together that it’s hard to figure out. Black and Ricochet are going to get a SmackDown Tag Team Title shot on Sunday. Now with that being the case, do you really want them to lose on an NXT show in a Tag Team Title match? If they do, why aren’t the War Raiders getting the shot at WrestleMania? Then again this company doesn’t tend to think that way so it’s anyone’s guess.

I’ll go with the War Raiders retaining here, as Black and Ricochet are locked in on the main roster and there’s no good reason to give them the NXT Tag Team Titles and expect them to be defended. Unless we’re getting some insane title unification deal (which I don’t think we are), the money move would be to make the War Raiders look even more dominant, as they’ve held the titles for a few months now but barely defended them.

United Kingdom Title: Pete Dunne(c) vs. Walter

Just take my money now. I’ll even up it to $19.98 for this one. These two are going to have one of the hardest hitting, knockdown drag out fights you’re ever going to see and it’s going to be awesome. Dunne is the kind of guy who would rather die than lose but he’s come close to being beaten before. How do you get around a monster like Walter? I’m not sure it can be done at this point.

Hence why I’m going with a new champion. Dunne has had an all time title reign and somehow doesn’t feel like he’s outgrown the title or is ready to move on from it, which is perhaps the most remarkable thing about the entire reign. He has to lose at some point though and if it’s not to Walter, who else could it be to? This is where the title change goes down, with Dunne fighting until the bitter end.

NXT Title: Johnny Gargano vs. Adam Cole

Let’s pause for a second and mourn the missing of what could have been the greatest blowoff in WWE since….I’ll get back to you on that. This was going to be Gargano FINALLY winning the title from Tommaso Ciampa and ending their war once and for all but the pesky neck injury is going to stop us from seeing it for the time being. This is for the vacant title and it’s 2/3 falls, which is kind of NXT’s signature match for a cool change of pace.

And I’m taking Cole winning the third fall after some kind of a distraction from Ciampa. That final match is going to happen and NXT is smart enough to keep Gargano hot until he’s back (they did it before), provided we don’t get something stupid like Cole being called up. Gargano is at his best when he’s chasing something and is foaming at the mouth to get it, so having him lose again and move on to something else is the right call. Also Cole is a great long term champion and could hold the title for months without much of a problem.

Overall Thoughts

Yes. Do I need to explain this any further than that? This could be one of the most entertaining shows of the year (it will be) with this crowd around them. NXT just gets these things and it’s going to be an incredible show with five matches that could all be classics. Just let them do their thing and be handed the weekend, because I don’t think it’s classified as stealing anymore when it’s expected of you.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Slumber Party Massacre
Date: April 4, 2019
Location: White Eagle Hall, Jersey City, New Jersey
Commentators: Matt Wadsworth, The Duke

Who can’t do four full shows in one day anymore? This is another Wrestlemania weekend show and another situation where I have no idea what to expect as I don’t follow Absolute Intense Wrestling. Here’s pretty much everything you need to know: the main event is Scott Steiner vs. Swoggle. We good? Let’s get to it.

No opening sequence, though it might have been cut off.

La Familia de Tijuana vs. Young Studs

Mexican Death Match. La Familia is Bestia 666/Damien 666 and the Studs are Bobby Beverly/Eric Ryan. There are a bunch of forks thrown into the ring and it’s time to go for blood early. I’m thinking I’ve made a mistake with this show. The blood is already flowing from Beverly’s head and it’s time to choke with belts. Ryan gets a chair wrapped around his neck and Damien sends it into the post. Eric is right back with a barbed wire bat to draw blood of his own and it’s time for some doors (they don’t use tables).

A chair gets rammed between Ryan’s legs, followed by the barbed wire being put against his head for some headbutts from Bestia. The Studs’ offense gets them nowhere and it’s a double MuscleBuster for two on Beverly. Ryan throws a chair at Damien to finally get somewhere and Beverly Japanese armdrags Ryan into both of them in the corner. And now, a door covered in forks. That takes a bit too long though and Damien hits a Death Valley Driver to put Ryan through the fork filled door for the pin at 9:34.

Rating: D. Oh yeah I’m not going to be liking this one very much as it’s seemingly trying to be ECW. There was no story mentioned here and it was just four people doing violent stuff to each other. Some of the spots were gruesome enough but there’s only so much you can get out of something like this.

Post match they shake hands and Ryan stabs himself in the head with a fork to a positive reaction.

Dominic Garrini vs. Joshua Bishop

Submission/surrender match. Garrini was on a show earlier today and Bishop (with manager Wes Barker) looks like a cross between Raven and Justin Credible. Garrini doesn’t waste time in kneeing Bishop outside for a double suicide dive. They chop it out as commentary says they don’t quite know why these two hate each other. Well at least they don’t like each other.

Bishop’s kick is caught and Garrini rams the ankle into the post for an F*** NO answer to a question of if he gives up. Bishop gets in a few shots to the ribs and it’s time for railroad spikes with both guys jabbing each other in the head over and over. The bloody Garrini goes for a choke but Barker hits him with a chair. That earns Barker a piledriver on the apron but Bishop chairs Garrini down to take over again.

Another door is set up between some chairs and Bishop powerbombs him through the door and the chairs. Back in and Garrini is alive enough to piledrive Bishop onto a chair for the NO so Garrini hits him with whatever he can find, including a tack covered bat to the face. Some wooden skewers are brought in but Bishop takes them away and drives it into Garrini’s cauliflower ear.

Bishop brings in a bag of tacks but gets front suplexed onto them, setting up a backsplash to make it even worse. Garrini drives the skewers into his head (and they hang there) until Bishop drops him onto the tacks for another no. With nothing else working, Bishop handcuffs Garrini around the post and gets some lighter fluid from Barker. The threat of fire makes Garrini give up at 11:25.

Rating: D+. Well that was sick. It had more of a story than the first match but I have a feeling we’re in for a lot of these matches tonight, albeit with a much more technical match thrown in so they can call themselves a wrestling company. I’m not a fan of this kind of insane stuff and it feels out of the 90s more than anything else.

The students come in to clear out the ring as Garrini is unhooked.

Tag Team Titles: To Infinity and Beyond vs. The Production vs. The Boys From Jollyville vs. The Philly Marino Experience

To Infinity and Beyond (Cheech and Colin Delaney) are defending and I have no idea who anyone else are. The Boys From Jolly (T-Money/Nasty Russ Myers) are also known as the Jollyville F***-Its, the Experience (Philly Collins and Marino Tenaglia seemingly the most popular team here) dance a lot and the Production (Derek Director and Eddie Only) seem like they make movies. Marino dives off the top on the champs and it’s T Money spinning Collins around so Myers can punch him in the face.

The Production’s manager Danhauser comes in and helps beat up Experience, who pops up for some double teaming. The champs come back in and clear the ring setting up a suicide dive from Cheech. Not to be outdone, Myers moonsaults onto everyone but gets caught. Philly goes up as well and moonsaults the pile down.

Sunset Dreams hits Colin for two with the Production diving in for the save. The huge Money Pounces Derek to the floor and busts up Philly’s spine. Russ mostly misses a moonsault for no cover on Derek, leaving Money to dive on everyone. Myers hits a top rope splash on Eddie Only (Derek’s partner) but Colin makes a save with a bad Stunner. Back up and it’s a Codebreaker/hanging DDT to the Producers at the same time. Another Codebreaker to Derek, with Cheech holding him in place for a superbomb from Colin, driving Eddie onto Derek for the pin at 6:58.

Rating: C-. It was certainly fast paced, though again I have no idea who most of these people are, who I’m supposed to cheer for (apparently not the guy in a Toy Story jacket) but that’s not what matters in something like this. A place like AIW is all about cramming in as much stuff as you can into the time you have and not worrying about any kind of flow or storytelling. I get the idea and this was the best thing so far, but it’s much more exciting than good, which can get old after awhile.

Post match the champs tell the fans to shut up and yell about any REAL teams who want to come see them in Cleveland. In other words, this is the only real wrestling.

Eddie Kingston vs. Shinjiro Otani

Otani is a Japanese legend, making me wonder if he got lost coming here. Kingston gets taken down by the arm to start and Otani slaps on a headlock that Eddie can’t break. They go with the loud chop off with Eddie being knocked down into the corner for a very delayed Facewash. A Broski Boot makes it even worse and Otani does it again, kicking his young boys down in the process. It works so well that Otani does it again….and then a third time.

It’s finally enough for two before Eddie gets up and starts in on the knee. Otani’s chops are cut off by another kick to the leg and we hit a half crab. After the grab of a rope gets Otani out, Eddie kicks the leg out all over again, setting up the spinning Backfist to the Future for two. Otani is right back up with a legsweep and a German suplex into a lariat for the pin at 9:47.

Rating: C. Well that was better than I expected, which has nothing to do with the match being an actual wrestling match instead of some violent brawl. Otani is a cool get for the show as he was wrestling all the way back in 1992 (and at Starrcade 1995) so it was cool to see something like this. Not a great match (Otani’s leg being fine out of nowhere was a stretch) but after everything else, I’ll take what I can get.

Post match Kingston praises Otani in Japanese.

Swoggle vs. Scott Steiner

Duke has been replaced on commentary by Colin Delaney. Steiner comes out but says cut his music, because he has some special music for this match. That would be….Short People by Randy Newman. Swoggle flips him off as Steiner conducts the crowd in a funny bit. Steiner swears a lot and rants about being politically correct before ripping into Swoggle with a variety of names that would be censored elsewhere.

He’s too good to face Swoggle here so Steiner has brought in his own short guy: Cabana Man Dan, who hits Swoggle with a flip flop. The German suplexes have Dan in trouble and Swoggle makes him tap to the Recliner. A woman who came out with Steiner gets in the ring so Swoggle kisses her, drawing Steiner in to blast him and get things going. Steiner sends him outside but Swoggle finds a beer to spit in Steiner’s face.

That just earns him a chair to the back and one near the head. Steiner swears a lot and hits him with another chair but it’s Dan’s turn to go inside. Dan spanks Swoggle with the flip flop….and Steiner beats Dan up too. Some belly to belly suplexes send Dan outside but Swoggle is up with a double middle finger. That means a Steiner Line and a belly to belly for two with Steiner pulling him up.

Chair shots to the knee keep Swoggle down and it’s another belly to belly for another two. The fans go into a SHONEY’S SUCKS chant (Steiner owns a Shoney’s restaurant) as Steiner goes to the middle rope. Swoggle tries to raise his foot up but Steiner catches it because…oh you get the joke. Sweet Shin Music sets up a high crossbody and some hip attacks in the corner. Steiner is right back with a Downward Spiral to set up the Recliner for the win at 6:56.

Rating: B. Well what else were you expecting here? I’ll give them some major, major points for actually making this something other than straight comedy and not having Swoggle win for the sake of a feel good moment. This was much more entertaining than it had any right to be (consider who was in there for a second) and I had a good time with it. Well done for a match that should have been an even bigger joke.

Maxwell Jacob Friedman/Ethan Page vs. Colt Cabana/Space Monkey

I know these people! You knew Cabana would be all over this weekend and that’s not a bad thing. Hang on a second as Page says Cabana needs to let his son be his (as in Page’s) partner. Cabana says deal so here’s….MJF for the match in I’m guessing an angle that they’re not bothering to explain. The fans sing YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, presumably at Friedman, again in something that isn’t explained here.

Page and Friedman argue over who the captain is until Cabana sends his son to his room. Monkey and Page start with Ethan having nothing of an early waistlock. An Iconoclasm is countered into an ankle scissors and a basement dropkick to the back. Cabana comes in (by tagging Monkey’s tail) and gets to face Friedman and they both try the same spots. MJF: “OK! YOU’RE MY DAD! F*** OFF!” Cabana spanks him and does the same to Page…and then Monkey as well.

Monkey shrugs it off and starts cleaning house but Page breaks up the monkey flip. A delayed vertical suplex drops Monkey and it’s off to MJF to stand on the tail. And now, just because, a tail lock. Monkey isn’t having that and it’s off to Cabana for elbows and a spinning spinebuster. MJF jumps on Cabana’s back and rants about Cabana being his father but gets taken down into the Billy Goat’s Curse for the tap at 7:45.

Rating: D+. I shouldn’t be left with a confused look on my face after a match but that’s what we had here. They could have explained the story here but that’s not as important as yelling laughing at Colt’s shtick. The joke seemed funny, but when you’re stuck trying to figure out what’s going on, it doesn’t exactly have the same impact.

Mance Warner vs. Nick Gage

Dang it this wasn’t on the card so it’s an extra match. Warner comes out to Simple Man, making him more awesome than usual. It’s just a cover but a heck of a well done one for a great entrance. Gage gets a hero’s welcome here and they go right with the fighting as this isn’t going to be anything but violence. Both guys get rammed into various things and it’s a chair across Gage’s back.

They fight up to the stage and trade shots to the face until Warner gets thrown off the stage. Gage bites the head and brings Warner and a chair back in but takes a running knee to the head for two. A bulldog onto Cage’s arm onto the chair keeps Gage in trouble but Warner takes too long on the lariat, allowing Gage to DDT him onto a chair. There’s the chokebreaker and a Broski Boot to drive a chair into Warner’s face. Warner’s manager Duke comes in and chairs Warner by mistake, earning a chair shot from Gage. Colin: “See Duke? Now you’re a dead person.”

Gage bridges another door between two chairs but gets chokeshoved off the middle rope through said door for two. A piece of the door hits Warner in the head but he pops up with a pair of lariats for two more. Gage is right back with back to back piledrivers onto a door into a powerbomb for the pin at 11:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of blood helped this a lot as it was more about two hardcore guys hitting each other. I never need to see another weapon shot to the head again and Gage isn’t a wrestler, but that’s not the point of something like this. I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve seen and heard from Warner though and it helped having him here a lot.

Post match Gage thanks the fans and promises to quit when the people stop cheering him, throwing in a small ton of F bombs along the way.

Absolute Title: Pretty Boy Smooth vs. Tim Donst vs. Matthew Justice vs. Tom Lawlor

Smooth is defending and Justice’s Intense Title isn’t on the line. Lawlor has never been pinned in singles competition and dances around the ring for a rather different presentation than you get in MLW. Lawlor is introduced as the 2005 Bob Evans pie eating champion. Smooth is a giant and probably stands about 6’8/9. Everyone goes after Smooth to start but he’s right back up and throws everyone around without much trouble.

Lawlor takes him down and grabs a Figure Four but throws in an ankle lock on Justice for a bonus. Donst makes the save before using Lawlor as a launchpad for an elbow on Smooth. Justice is back up with the suicide dives, plus a running elbow off the apron to send Lawlor into some chairs. Lawlor is right back up and chops it out with Justice, who gets the better of it. A big dive onto the floor takes out everyone for the major crash.

Back in and Justice gets crotched on top, setting up a heck of a superplex. Donst isn’t done and suplexes Justice into the other two for a near fall. Everyone gets a suplex from Donst, who collapses after throwing everyone. Justice is up first and goes Coast to Coast to hit Lawlor, who is then backdropped onto Justice and Smooth. Back in and it’s a series of rollups for two each before it’s a four way slugout from their knees. Donst’s Drunken Driver (Jay Driller) gets two on Justice as this just keeps going.

Smooth’s Call the Coroner chokebomb gets two on Lawlor so it’s time to throw in a bunch of chairs. Six of them are set up in a row but it’s Donst coming in and laying out Smooth. An STO plants Lawlor and a Drunken Driver through the chairs gets two more. The Rings of Saturn (Donst is billed as a mat wrestler and this is some of the first mat wrestling I’ve seen) go on and Justice’s chair shots can’t break it up. A third finally does it and Lawlor is up again, this time grabbing a choke on Smooth for the knockout win at 18:36.

Rating: D+. This was long and came at the end of a long night so it was kind of a chore to sit through. I have no idea why these people are fighting and that has been a problem all night long. Lawlor winning seems to be the smartest move as he’s the only one with any kind of a story. There were some good spots here but for the most part it just went on too long and had WAY too many kickouts.

Post match Lawlor thanks the company for giving him a chance about two years ago. The fans don’t really want to hear this and boo rather loudly. A year ago, he broke his arm in this company and rushed back but didn’t get a title shot. He got it tonight and showed AIW that he’s the best. Lawlor has a beer to end the night.

Overall Rating: D. I think the term “not for me” applies here as I wasn’t into almost any of this. It felt like an ECW knockoff (not all night, but for a lot of it) and that’s not something I was interested in with the ECW talent, let alone a place like this. It was FAR from the worst show I’ve ever seen but I had no idea what the stories were and since the announcers didn’t bother to tell me, you can only really go off of the product itself. That wasn’t very good either and the show felt very long. Not a disaster, but also certainly not worth as much as the WrestleCon Supershow or WXW. I likely won’t be back.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

WrestleCon Supershow
Date: April 4, 2019
Location: New York Hilton Midtown, New York City, New York
Commentators: Excalibur, Kevin Kelly

This might be my favorite show of the year and I’ve been looking forward to seeing it again. The idea here is you don’t know most of the card coming in, with just Will Ospreay vs. Bandido in the main event being announced. A lot of wrestlers from Dragon Gate were announced but visa situations have kept them off the show. That leaves some openings on the card and I’m curious to see what we get. Let’s get to it.

We get a YOUR EVENT WILL BEGIN SHORTLY graphic for twelve minutes until the ring announcer says we’re waiting on something from the athletic commission and an ambulance to arrive.

Here’s your WrestleCon Ambassador for the evening: Road Warrior Animal (without facepaint), who goes straight for the LOD chant. He can’t do this job by himself so he introduces….RIC FLAIR, which is quite the surprise. Good thing he’s healed from that Batista beating. Excalibur: “If anyone knows how to fill time.” Flair talks about the places he’s been in New York, including an affair with Leona Helmsley. He says this is a fraternity and puts over the Road Warriors as great competitors. One night in Philadelphia they painted Dusty Rhodes’ face and it was a riot on the way to the ring.

WrestleCon is a great place and there was a time when nobody wanted 200 wrestlers in a hotel. Animal: “There weren’t enough tickets to ride Space Mountain.” Flair has another reason to be here and mentions Sunday night being more important than anything he ever accomplished. The tears are flowing and thankfully the fans don’t boo the WWE reference. This is every bit as big as Hogan slamming Andre and he couldn’t be prouder. Thank you for everything and make sure to come see him tomorrow.

Back to the YOUR EVENT WILL BEGIN SHORTLY graphic.

The widow of Mark Hitchcock, an illustrator who world for WrestleCon died on his honeymoon, thanks the crowd for remembering him.

We’re ready to go 27 minutes late.

Eddie Kingston vs. Masato Tanaka

Tanaka is a former ECW World Champion and might look better now than he did twenty years ago. They go technical to start until Eddie takes him into the corner for a hard chop. Tanaka’s famous elbow sends Eddie outside to hold his jaw, as he should be doing. Back in and Tanaka hammers down right hands before a crossbody gets two. A running STO drops Tanaka and it’s back to the chops.

Tanaka’s tornado DDT works on the second attempt but a spinning Rock Bottom drops him again. Eddie loads up a superplex but gets reversed into Diamond Dust (a flipping Stunner out of the corner, a personal favorite). A frog splash gets two on Kingston and it’s time for the required chop off. Tanaka’s elbows and forearms get the better of it and the Roaring Elbow sets up the Sliding D (sliding elbow) finishes Kingston at 7:18.

Rating: C. This was your “I hit you hard and you hit me hard) match of the night, as WrestleCon is often a show built around doing a little bit of everything. Tanaka still looks awesome and I’m not surprised to see that he can still do something like this. Kingston is hit or miss at best, but having him do something like this fits him well.

Post match Kingston says that this was his dream match after seventeen years and thanks Tanaka in Japanese.

The announcers would love to break down the next match but they don’t know what it is.

Here are the Lucha Bros for the match but before their opponents come out, Fenix thanks the fans and says they’re the best tag team in the universe. They’re here because they’re open to face any tag team and pretty soon, they’ll be facing the other brother tag team. He means the Young Bucks, who are scared of the Lucha Bros and won’t be here tonight. Pentagon swears in Spanish a big (Kelly: “NO TRANSLATION REQUIRED!”) and the fans chant it after him. Since they don’t have a team to face, they can just fight each other.

Pentagon Jr. vs. Rey Fenix

Pentagon goes straight for the rollup to start but gets sent outside for the suicide dive. Back in Pentagon hits the Alberto Del Rio double stomp and yells at the referee for only counting two. Fenix kicks him in the face but walks into the Pentagon Driver for two more. The fans chant for the team, as they should given that it’s a good match so far.

Pentagon gets tied in the ropes and it’s a rope walk kick to the face as only Fenix can do. A Canadian Destroyer gives Fenix two more but he takes too much time rolling forward and gets superkicked in the face. Pentagon one ups him with a middle rope Canadian Destroyer but Fenix is right back up to catch him on top and it’s a super Spanish Fly to finish Pentagon at 6:56.

Rating: B. Oh man that’s it? Maybe they’re running short on time or something but this should have been at least another ten minutes if you wanted to do it justice. These two are as hot as anyone could be at the moment and that’s been the case for well over a year now. I hope they get a big chance in AEW (they will) and maybe even WWE one day. This needed to be more but for what it was, it was really good.

Puma King/Samantha Heights/DJZ/Tajiri vs. Sammy Guevara/LAX/Diamante

This could be…..I have no idea actually. I’ve never heard of Samantha but that’s a common occurrence around here. Tajiri always looks weird without a mustache. Puma just laying on the middle rope for all of the entrances is a rather unique visual. DJZ is ready for Guevara’s cheap shot and let’s hit that horn noise. Puma King comes in and kicks Sammy out but it’s off to Santana for a good moonsault.

Since it’s lucha rules, the fans get to see Tajiri with Kelly talking about how easy of a time Tajiri should have with all of the language issues in the match. The kicks have Puma King in trouble and it’s off to Diamante, who gets a handshake and kneel from Tajiri before he starts chopping her. A Stunner gets Diamante out of trouble and it’s off to Heights, who hits a Sliced Bread.

Ortiz comes in and runs Samantha over before shouting SUCK THESE. I’m not going near that one so I’ll go to Ortiz blocking a monkey flip and turning it into a faceplant. DJZ comes back in and flips forward into a clothesline to send Ortiz outside. Santana comes in with a superkick as everything breaks down. It’s back to Sammy for a jumping knee to the DJZ’s face and LAX adds a double flapjack.

Sammy can’t get over for a tag (Kelly: “Joey Ryan will charge you $30 for that!”) and Diamante gets two off a splash. Sammy does his fireman’s carry squats into a running shooting star press gets two on DJZ with Samantha coming in for the save. DJZ comes back with the always stupid stop of throwing partners into each other and making one DDT another.

That’s enough for a hot tag to Puma King to clean house and a big dive to the floor hits Santana. That sets off the parade of dives with the women hitting stereo dives. Tajiri is left alone in the ring but Ortiz cuts off his dive to become the biggest heel in the match. Ortiz tries a hiptoss but gets misted while in the air (cool), setting up the Buzzsaw Kick to give Tajiri the pin at 12:02.

Rating: C+. For a random assortment of eight people into a match with no connection between the teams, I liked it. That’s the kind of thing you get at these shows and it’s one of the most fun parts. Sometimes you just need to go out there and have some wrestling with a bunch of people having a match and that’s what we got here. It’s a WrestleCon tradition and one of their better ones so well done given the people in there.

Arez vs. Flamita vs. Robbie Eagles

Eagles is Bullet Club (and yes it’s still a thing) and billed as the Sniper of the Sky. Arez gets sent outside early on and it’s a flip off between Flamita and Eagles. Flamita kicks Arez in the head but he rolls forward into a dive outside onto Eagles. Back in and Arez drops a top rope elbow on Flamita, meaning it’s time to yell at the referee for counting slowly. A standing Spanish Fly gives Flamita two on Eagles but a superplex is countered.

Instead Arez tries to climb onto Flamita’s back so Eagles dives with a high crossbody, which is countered into a Spanish Fly (or something, as it was far from a clean landing). Arez takes off his jacket so Flamita can chop him even harder because wrestling is weird. Sliced Bread drops Eagles who DDTs Flamita at the same time and they’re all down. Flamita is up first and missile dropkicks both of them down, setting up a moonsault out to the floor to drop Arez again. Back in and Flamita misses a 450, allowing Eagles to hit one of his own on Arez for the pin at 6:54.

Rating: C. Arez didn’t get to show off very much while Flamita looked like the awesome high flier that he is and Eagles came off as a well rounded star. I can see why he got the win here and he looked like someone who belonged on a stage like this. It was a bunch of spots and that’s all it was supposed to be here.

Revolt vs. Hurricane/X-Pac/Jushin Thunder Liger

See what I mean about these random teams that make the show fun? Revolt (Caleb Konley, Jake Manning, Zane Riley) are mainstays around this show and have been a big deal in PWX from Charlotte. X-Pac is in the standard gear, though with NWO logos on the legs. After the place comes unglued for Liger, X-Pac puts him over as a legend on his retirement tour. Liger and Konley start things off with a battle of poses to the crowd. After being backed into the corner, Konley gets pulled down into the surfboard and you know the fans are going to love that.

It’s off to Riley (300+lb) to face X-Pac, meaning it’s a HALL OF FAMER chant. Riley wants a test of strength but is told to suck it instead. The rapid fire legdrops have Riley in trouble but it’s too early for the Bronco Buster. Manning (he likes scouting) and Hurricane come in for a handshake and a 3 COUNT chant, meaning the fans are cultured. The danceoff begins but the good guys join hands and flip Manning off (well not Liger, who just can’t do it).

The Hurricane pose sends Manning down onto the mat and he needs a timeout to check the scouting manual. It’s enough for a cheap shot to Hurricane and Konley comes in, only to have the heroes get together for a triple suplex. Hurricane gets caught in the wrong corner though and the heat is on. Riley’s choke doesn’t get him very far so it’s already back to Manning, who gets caught with the Eye of the Hurricane.

Liger comes in for the palm strikes but a distraction lets Riley run him over. Konley and Liger hit a double clothesline and it’s off to X-Pac to clean house. The spin kicks abound and it’s back to Liger, who tries to suplex Riley for some reason. Everything breaks down and it’s the palm strike to Manning with a Bronco Buster to Riley. Hurricane chokeslams Konley and the brainbuster finishes Manning at 13:37.

Rating: C+. Am I supposed to criticize this somehow? I was never an X-Pac fan but this was a blast and exactly what it should have been, even with a little more time than it probably should have gotten. With Liger retiring, he deserves to get whatever matches he wants to have and it’s a special treat to get to see someone who has been wrestling longer than I’ve been alive and still looked great. Hurricane and X-Pac were rather good as well, making this quite the entertaining match.

Post match Hurricane and X-Pac pay tribute to Liger again, as they should.

Intermission.

So apparently power to the Fite.TV stream went down during the intermission and we missed Dragon Lee vs. Cavernario. Dragon Lee won and if it’s on the replay, I’ll watch it later and edit it in.

Shane Strickland vs. Zack Sabre Jr.

Well if you insist. They go at each others’ legs to start and it’s Sabre taking him down for the first of what will likely be many leglocks. Strickland escapes and puts on another hold of his own before tying Strickland up in something like an STF. A cravate keeps Strickland in trouble but he comes back with a dragon screw legwhip but a gutbuster cuts Strickland down again.

Bored of the leg, Sabre switches up to the arm and gets in the required stomp to the raised arm. He even stands on Strickland’s head because Sabre is that big of a jerk. The overly cocky kicks to the head tick Strickland off (as they do to everyone) and it’s time for Sabre to tell him to chop. A big one to the leg takes Sabre down because Strickland was smart enough to know an armbar was coming.

The 619 to the ribs sets up the rolling cutter but Sabre is right back with another crank on the arm to take over. Strickland has had it with the shots to the face and tries another rolling cutter, but this time it’s pulled into the cross armbreaker. A triangle choke has Strickland in trouble until he powerbombs his way to freedom. Strickland grabs him by the nose (come on man) and kicks Sabre in the chest again.

A YES Kick knocks Sabre silly but he’s fine enough for a half and half suplex onto Strickland’s head. The head isn’t that damaged though as he hits a rolling German suplex. The Swerve Stomp is countered into the Rings of Saturn with Sabre’s legs and Sabre grabs a half crab for a bonus and the submission at 16:39.

Rating: B. My goodness Sabre is fun to watch. The guy can do whatever he wants in the ring and makes it look easy because he’s just that talented. Daniel Bryan was drooling over him during the Cruiserweight Classic and Sabre has gotten so much better since thin. Strickland is as smooth of a performer as you’re going to get in wrestling these days and it’s no surprise that he’s going to WWE.

Post match Strickland gets the sendoff because he’s NXT bound.

Here’s So Cal Uncensored before their match. Scorpio Sky does his thing about how he hates the town, which I still don’t quite get. Daniels praises the fans and says they want to be the top trio (which he sings for some reason) so let’s see what happens when it’s California love with a New York state of mind.

So Cal Uncensored vs. Orange Cassidy/Best Friends

For some reason Trent and Chuck Taylor are dressed as Scott Hall when he jumped the barricade. Daniels starts with Cassidy, who does his hands in the pockets deal. Kazarian gives Daniels some advice as Daniels has no idea what to do as Cassidy keeps walking around him. Daniels wants him to fight and takes Cassidy’s hand out of his pocket…which Cassidy just puts back in to a huge reaction.

Cassidy takes both hands out of his pockets and then puts them back in so Daniels grabs a headlock to knock off the sunglasses. The waistlock is countered as Cassidy puts his hands in his pockets and dances out, allowing him to chill on the mat. Cassidy runs the ropes, dropkicks Daniels down, and nips up, all without taking his hands out of his pockets. Trent comes in (Cassidy still doesn’t move his hands as he gets out, but one does come out on the apron) and chops Kazarian, who is rather confused.

Kazarian continues to be frustrated as Trent just stands there….so let’s switch teams. Trent is now part of SCU and Kazarian puts on the vest. It’s off to Sky to face Kazarian and it’s the New Age Outlaws cover with Sky trying a quick cover off a poke to the chest (the Fingerpoke of Doom was a singles match so it’s a completely different thing you see). That’s broken up and the Best Friends hit stereo fall away slams.

Double Razor’s Edges are countered with double backdrops and it’s Trent caught in the corner for a slingshot dropkick. Chuck gets in a cheap shot from the apron so Daniels knocks him down but the distraction lets Trent get in a low blow. Now it’s Chuck coming in for forearms to the back and it’s Cassidy coming in for a walk across the ring into a near hug, which is called a clothesline.

Cassidy walks around so slowly that the Best Friends both get in a few shots before Cassidy even bothers to cover. It’s back to Trent for an abdominal stretch and Cassidy puts glasses on Chuck, who slowly extends his arm for the cheating. So it’s the slacker Too Cool and Rikishi. Daniels puts the glasses on as well and it’s a slow energy fight with Cassidy. A big chop is teased but Daniels goes with a low blow so it’s off to Kazarian to take over and slap on a Figure Four to Trent.

A Backstabber hits Chuck and it’s an assisted tornado DDT on Trent, leaving Cassidy on his own. Daniels KNOCKS CASSIDY’S GLASSES OFF and it’s on in a hurry with Cassidy slugging away and hitting a double hurricanrana on Kazarian and Sky. A good looking double chokeslam takes them down again and Cassidy puts the glasses back on. That means going up top for a fall (intentional) onto Kazarian for two. The Best Friends come in to clean house again and we hit that hug. SCU has had it with this nonsense (of which they have been a part) and it’s the Best Meltzer Ever for the pin on Cassidy at 18:21.

Rating: C+. This one is going to entirely depend on your taste but my issue was it ran too long. That and you really have Cassidy take the pin here? He’s the most popular non-Liger guy on the show and you have him lose instead of say, Trent? His gimmick is fine for this kind of a show, but he’s not going to be able to do much beyond this because it’s a goofy comedy bit. That being said, this is the perfect show for something like that and it was more than good enough here. Cut off some of the time and it’s better, but it was fine for what it was. It’s just not for everyone and that’s fine.

Everyone hugs but Cassidy won’t take his hands out of his pockets for the post.

Will Ospreay vs. Bandido

Bell, Spanish Fly, Space Flying Tiger Drop, shooting star press for two on Bandido, we hit the thirty second mark. Bandido is back up with Swiss Death of all things, followed by a standing backflip World’s Strongest Slam to send Ospreay to the floor. A huge flip dive takes Ospreay down again and Bandido sticks the landing. That’s only good for two back inside and a delayed vertical suplex, including a squat, is good for the same on Ospreay.

The chops take Bandido right back down but he’s right back with the surfboard as an homage to Liger. That’s broken up so Ospreay hits a handspring into a kick to the head to put Bandido down again. A 619 over the top rope hits Bandido in the mask and it’s a delayed basement dropkick in the corner. Pip Pip Cheerio keeps Bandido in trouble and Ospreay swears a lot.

Bandido must not be a fan of swearing (attaboy) so he comes back with a one handed sitout gorilla press slam (egads man) to cut Ospreay off. Ospreay wants him to bring it and they strike it out until Ospreay snaps off a low angle dragon suplex. Stormbreaker is countered with an armdrag and a pop up powerbomb drops Ospreay again. The Robinson Special puts Bandido down again but he gets caught with a reverse hurricanrana off the middle rope (that’s a new one) for another near fall.

Ospreay fights out of something on top and hits the Cheeky Nandos kick before knocking Bandido over the barricade. You know where this is going and it’s the huge crossbody to the floor to send Bandido into the third row. Back in and a missile dropkick to the back of the head sets up Stormbreaker but Bandido reverses into a hurricanrana for two. The Oscutter is countered into a knee to the face for another two and Bandido can’t believe it. Ospreay is right back up with a Rainmaker into the Oscutter and Stormbreaker finishes Bandido at 16:51.

Rating: B+. This was exactly what it was advertised as being: two of the best high fliers in the world doing insane spots to each other for a long time. Ospreay is on another level for someone his size and Bandido is certainly no slouch in everything he does. Great match here and worthy of a main event, even though you could tell the fans were spent.

Post match Ospreay counts the money the fans throw out (Ospreay: “Four dollars! Two Cokes!” Kelly: “Not in New York City.”) and praises Bandido. Anyone who knows him knows that his mental health problems have been worse than ever recently but wrestling is the best therapy you can have. All he has is raw natural ability and they just created an art form. Ospreay thanks everyone and bows to Bandido.

Overall Rating: B. As usual, this is the show where you put your feet up and have a good time watching wrestling because it’s all about seeing what you’re getting and just having a lot of fun. You get all kinds of people coming out of nowhere and having one great match after another. It’s a blast of a show with some excellent matches and a little bit of everything for everyone. Have a good time with it and enjoy what wrestling can be.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Amerika Ist Wunderbar
Date: April 4, 2019
Location: La Boom, Woodside, New York
Commentators: Jeremy Grave, Sebastian Hollmichel

This is WXW (Westside Xtreme Wrestling) from Germany and another promotion I don’t know much about. A few weeks ago someone asked me to do one of their shows so I’ll take care of it as part of the Wrestlemania weekend festivities. As usual I have no idea what to expect from this so let’s get to it.

We’re joined in progress with David Star yelling at Lucky Kid, who won the 16 Karat Gold Tournament and gets to face Starr tonight. Kid doesn’t look impressed as Starr leaves.

Opening sequence, featuring some names such as Walter and Toni Storm, meaning I won’t be totally lost.

And now the same opening sequence as I think we’re starting late.

And now, a black screen as the streaming problems seem to be in full swing.

We’re good to go about twelve minutes after the scheduled start, which is pretty good for indy wrestling.

LAX vs. The Crown

The Crown is Alexander James/Jurn Simmons. Thankfully commentary feels us in a bit, saying that the Crown is a relatively new team who stumbled out of the gate. James and Ortiz start with Ortiz claiming a hair pull. Well to be fair there’s kind of a lot of it man. A northern lights suplex gives Ortiz two and it’s off to Santana to kick James in the head.

Simmons comes in for some better luck with the powerful forearms to Santana’s back. The Crown takes over in the corner but Santana slips away and jumps over the ropes with Ortiz tagging in on the way. LAX speeds things up in a hurry with a series of splashes straight out of the Lucha House Party playbook. Simmons is right back up with a hard suplex to take over again though and it’s back to James for something like a triangle choke.

Ortiz finally fights out and rolls over for the hot tag to Santana as the pace picks back up. A sitout F5 takes James down but the top rope double stomp misses. An Alley Oop plants James again and Santana drops a frog splash for two with Simmons making the save. The Street Sweeper is broken up but the Decapitation (whatever that is) is broken up as well. LAX is right back up with the double belly to back faceplant for the pin on James at 11:21.

Rating: B-. LAX is just good and always worth checking out no matter where they are. They kind of came out of nowhere and I can’t imagine they stick around the small pond of Impact Wrestling much longer. They’re that good and a team who could be stars anywhere they go. Hopefully that’s the case in the future as they’ve more than earned it. The Crown was fine for a power team but nothing all that great.

Darby Allin vs. Avalanche

Thank goodness for name graphics, though I’ve seen Allin before in MLW. Avalanche is a monster (duh) though apparently not a Shark or an Earthquake. The smaller (and more dead looking) Allin bails outside to start and Avalanche follows, earning himself a whip into the barricade. Back in and Avalanche takes over as the German chants begin. I don’t speak German but I might have better luck with that than the NXT UK chants.

Allin manages a Code Red for two and a flipping Stunner follows, only to walk into a Samoan drop. A Fujiwara armbar works a bit better for Allin as Avalanche has to get a boot on the rope. Back up and Avalanche uses the power to take over again, this time asking Allin what is wrong with him. A running splash in the corner (the Avalanche) sets up a fall away slam into a Vader Bomb for the pin on Allin at 5:14.

Rating: D+. Just a step above a squash here with Avalanche following the tradition of the German monsters. Allin was trying but there was only so much he could do against a monster like Avalanche. It was a good way to see what Avalanche can do and that’s what makes sense going forward for the company.

Yuu vs. Jordynne Grace

Women’s match with Grace as a replacement for LuFisto who isn’t here for some reason (that’s better as I just saw the face and didn’t remember LuFisto looking like that). Grace takes her down with a headlock to start and runs Yuu over with a shoulder. Yuu’s headlock doesn’t work and it’s a pair of running knees in the corner to set up another Vader Bomb.

Yuu takes her down and grabs a chinlock, which lasts as long as you would expect for a chinlock against someone made of muscle. Grace hits a charge in the corner and a spinning Samoan drop gets two. The Grace Driver (pumphandle driver) finishes Yuu at 7:54. Dropping someone on the back of their head can do that most of the time.

Rating: D+. These two beat each other up but Yuu was clearly a few steps behind. Grace has been impressive in Impact as she looks unique enough to be a monster with some skills, which is more than you might expect from someone her size. Yuu was completely acceptable but nothing too special.

Video on the Shotgun Title (seems like a midcard title) match. The subtitles don’t help all that much but I think the title changed hands recently and the former champion is getting his rematch. Fair enough.

Shotgun Title: Marius Al Ani vs. Emil Sitoci

Sitoci is defending after winning the title from Ani a few days ago. They start fast with Ani grabbing a quickly broken chinlock and getting armdragged down. Back up and Ani sends him into the ropes but stops to pose, allowing Emil to grab a backslide for two. A suplex sets up a double arm crank as Emil can’t keep the momentum going. Ani kicks him in the back of the head and poses some more as they have the face vs. heel dynamic set up pretty well.

Back in and Emil hits a good belly to belly before slapping on a seated abdominal stretch. The split legged moonsault hits Ani’s raised knees but Ani grabs an O’Connor Roll into an ankle lock to put Emil in trouble for a change. That doesn’t last long either as Emil is up with a gutbuster and a top rope elbow to stay on the ribs. A snapmare driver is countered into a quickly broken ankle lock so Ani throws him down with a release exploder suplex. Ani goes up top for a splash but gets pulled down into a super Spanish Fly to retain Emil’s title at 9:02.

Rating: C+. These guys looked better than anyone else on the show so far as they beat each other up and you could see the story of the match. It’s perfectly fine for a title defense and the finish looked good. Emil was referred to as a legend and I could see him being someone who had been a star for a long time around here. Good match and another nice entry on the show.

We see the same argument between Starr and Kid that opened the show.

David Starr vs. Lucky Kid

I think I’ve been watching too much indy wrestling as I now recognize Starr’s music and can recite most of his many nicknames. Kid seems to be rather popular and I don’t think Starr would be a face in his own living room. The announcers recap the story with Starr being jealous of Kid winning the 16 Karat Gold Tournament and not getting the respect he demands.

Kid defeating Walter has something to do with it as well. Kid starts fast and slides between the legs for a dropkick to the head. That leaves Kid in the ring for a little taunting (not good against Starr, who calls himself the King of Taunts), meaning it’s Starr coming back inside to nail him in the head. Starr takes it outside and drops Kid on the barricade, only to get chopped in the corner. A big lariat gives Starr two and it’s time to just hammer away at Kid’s head.

The referee starts a count on the downed Kid but Starr comes over to get him, meaning the comeback is on. Kid can’t get a Crossface so they trade forearms to the head. Starr catches him on top with a belly to belly superplex….which is no sold. Well ok then. With the suplexes not working, Starr hammers away with more shots to the head until Kid grabs a suplex of his own. Starr’s German suplex (how appropriate) and another lariat are shrugged off for something like a powerbomb to put Starr down again.

Kid slaps him in the face and grabs a small package for two but the Blackheart Buster (brainbuster onto the knee gives Starr a very close two. A powerbomb onto the knee gets two more and Starr can’t believe it. Kid is dead so Starr kicks him in the head and yells about making Walter tap out.

That earns him a middle finger from Kid and the fans remind Starr that he never beat Walter. They slug it out with Starr’s lariat staggering Kid. Starr tries it again but gets reversed into a Crossface, which is broken up in a hurry. Sliced Bread puts Starr down and Kid’s 450 goes knees first into Starr’s chest. Another Crossface makes Starr tap at 14:33.

Rating: B+. It takes something special to suck you into a show where you don’t know what’s going on and only know one of the wrestlers. I liked this match quite a bit with Starr’s frustration coming through as Kid managed to survive to continue what seems to be Starr’s descent into madness. Very good match here and I liked it far more than I was expecting.

Post match Starr sits in the corner and grabs the mic, saying that he’s not safe venting his frustrations anymore. This is Wrestlemania weekend, but the fans here have allowed the evil corporation to take over independent wrestling. Starr is independent and there are certain cowards who don’t show up to shows like this. Cowards who tapped out to him at 16 Karat Gold (Walter) and work for companies who don’t provide healthcare or allow them to unionize. These fans were chanting NXT so they’re just as fake as Walter is. Walter won’t face him in a WXW ring so Starr is quitting WXW.

Aussie Open is ready to defend the Tag Team Titles. Works for me as they’re rather awesome. An unnamed guy comes in and doesn’t think much of them.

Absolute Andy vs. Chris Brookes

I’ve heard a lot about Andy before but I’ve never actually seen him wrestle. Andy chills on the floor to start and pulls Brookes outside so the chopping can begin. A suicide dive has Andy in more trouble and Brookes adds a double stomp from the barricade. Andy can’t powerbomb him onto the barricade so Brookes wraps the ring skirt over Andy’s face and hits another stomp. As they get in for the first time, Andy kicks the ropes for a low blow behind the referee’s back to take over. Andy sends him into the corner and we get the opening bell as the four minutes of brawling before didn’t count.

A missed charge in the corner lets Brookes get up top for a backsplash to the back and a suplex gets two on the bigger Andy. A spinebuster plants Brookes right back down but Andy misses a good looking moonsault. Brookes gets two off a slingshot cutter and grabs something close to a Koji Clutch. That’s broken up with a foot on the rope and Andy is fine enough to run the corner for a belly to belly superplex. Andy grabs an F5 but gets reversed into a rollup for a very sudden pin at 5:43.

Rating: C-. It was fine while it lasted but it didn’t last long. Andy seems to be a legend around here, which is rather impressive given his pretty generic physique (he has some size to him but not much in the way of muscles). Brookes is someone I’ve seen elsewhere before but never been all that impressed by him. I could have gone for more of this and I can see either of them giving a better performance with more time.

Tag Team Titles: Aussie Open vs. Workhorsemen

Aussie Open (Mark Davis/Kyle Fletcher, who don’t have their belts for some reason) are defending against JD Henry/Anthony Henry. Fletcher and Henry start things off and the fans are split. Henry takes him into the corner to start and backflips away for some early posing. The Workhorsemen start in on the arm with the rather large Henry (those are some huge trunks) coming in for a Codebreaker into a knee to the head from Henry.

Fletcher muscles Henry over for a suplex though and it’s off to Davis for the power chops. It’s already back to Fletcher, who misses a charge in the corner and gets chopped by Henry. A neckbreaker onto Henry’s raised knees get two on Fletcher and it’s off to a chinlock. Fletcher gets taken into the corner but fights out of it in a hurry, allowing the hot tag off to Davis for the house cleaning.

Henry and Davis slug it out until Fletcher comes in, only to have Henry run both Aussies open. Gibson and Drake are sent outside, leaving Henry and Davis to slug it out. The other two come back in and are chopped down almost immediately. Henry’s sitout slam sets up a moonsault for a VERY close two as the announcers can’t seem to remember which one is Henry and which one is Drake. The Aussies are right back and Drake gets superkicked, setting up a piledriver and a double flipping powerslam (the Fidget Spinner) retains the titles at 15:49.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here as Aussie Open is one of the better indy teams around today. They work well together and this was quite the match from both teams. This is the reason I like watching shows from this weekend as you never know what kind of random pairing you’re going to see with this kind of a result. Good stuff here, as the show is getting back on a roll.

WXW Unified World Title: Bobby Gunns vs. Shigehiro Irie

Gunns is defending and a smoker, described as the King of Smoke Style. Uh, yeah. Gunns takes him down as we hear about Irie pinning Gunns before Gunns won the title. Makes enough sense. Irie gets in a bulldog to put the champ down and a rather early near fall. A cross armbreaker is broken up in a hurry and Gunns kicks him in the back. The arm wringing begins and Gunns stomps on the raised arm ala Shayna Baszler.

An STF is broken up with a rope grab and Irie scores with a quick suplex for two. Irie gets in a good looking top rope splash for two but Gunns pops up from a hard left armed clothesline. Gunns snaps off the German suplex but gets Pounced hard into the corner. They head to the apron with Irie nailing a piledriver to knock Gunns silly, albeit on the floor.

Gunns starts crawling back inside and gets caught with a legdrop to the back. The Cannonball gives Irie two and he blasts Gunns with his Beast Bomber lariat for two, with the bad arm preventing the fast cover. Gunns catches him on top and snaps the fingers ala Pete Dunne (he’s an NXT fan).

Irie is too big to be German suplexed so Gunns pulls him down into the Rings of Saturn. That’s quite the problem so Irie bites the rope for the break. Sebastian: “By the skin of his teeth!” Jeremy: “That was perfect Sebastian.” The Beast Bomber gives Irie two and they flip each other off with Gunns pulling him into a cross armbreaker for the tap at 15:30.

Rating: B-. It was entertaining but it didn’t feel like a major match at all. Gunns isn’t the most thrilling wrestler and I didn’t get invested into this one for the most part. Irie felt like a monster for Gunns to slay and while that’s fine and exactly what Gunns did, it didn’t exactly get overly entertaining and I didn’t buy Gunns’ title as being in jeopardy.

Post match here’s Joey Janela of all people as Gunns lights up a cigarette. Janela does the same and says he wants the belt.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this. I’m not sure how much I’d want to watch it in the future but for what we got here, I had a good time. There were enough good matches to keep the show entertaining with only one or two being less than adequate. I can see why this is one of the better received European promotions and it was better than expected. Well done.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXXII
Date: April 3, 2016
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 101,763
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

We had to get here again at some point. I sat in the stadium last year for the better part of seven hours watching this show and was pretty entertained for the most part. However, since then I’ve thought back on it a few times and it seems to go all downhill from there. I’m not sure what to expect from this one other than it’s going to take a few days to get through. Let’s get to it.

As we get ready for the pre-show matches, the place might be 10% full at this point as there was some confusion in opening the gates. There were no lines and it was just a sea of humanity trying to get inside.

Pre-Show: Ryback vs. Kalisto

Kalisto, in some ceremonial bird headpiece, is defending and this is your standard bully vs. smaller guy feud. It’s such a weird visual to see people coming to the ring with so few fans in the seats. I’m not sure if it’s going to make a difference but I expect a three part podcast from Ryback about how unfair it was to his career. We get the big staredown to show the match’s story and to show off Ryback’s new trunks.

Ryback plants him off a headlock and easily throws the champ outside. Kalisto gets in a quick bulldog for two but the kickout sends him outside. Some double knees to the chest get the same result and Ryback gets to show off by gorilla pressing Kalisto up the steps and back inside. We take a break and come back with Kalisto taking a hard elbow to the jaw for two.

A running sitout powerslam (kind of like a Michinoku Driver) gets the same and it’s time to slap at the mask. I know Ryback had some issues but he did seem to be trying to mix things up on offense. He deserves credit for trying at least and it’s true that he had some unfair breaks. I just can’t imagine it was as bad as he made it seem.

A delayed superplex is countered into a crossbody for two and the Shell Shock is countered into a quick DDT. The corkscrew crossbody gets two but Ryback plants him again. Kalisto goes to the corner and pulls a turnbuckle pad off. I’m sure you can piece the next step together but in case you’re a bit slow, Ryback goes head first into the buckle and the Salida Del Sol retains the title at 8:57.

Rating: C. Despite the surprise when the title didn’t change hands, this was a snappy little match with the power vs. speed working quite well. Kalisto is the kind of guy who can perform well against anyone and Ryback’s power was a perfect foil. Ryback is still one of the more interesting what if’s in recent years but it’s pretty clear that the guy isn’t all there sometimes, which can make for some messy negotiations.

Team Total Divas vs. Team B.A.D. and Blonde

Total Divas: Natalya, Brie Bella, Paige, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie

B.A.D. and Blonde: Naomi, Lana, Summer Rae, Tamina, Emma

Yes this story is still happening for reasons I’m sure you can figure out for yourself. If nothing else, Wrestlemania is an excuse to see Brie’s legs, which you don’t get for the rest of the year. This is Lana’s only main roster match to date and uh…..yeah this works. Fox elbows the heck out of Summer to start and a sloppy tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. We get the big ten Diva staredown and it’s off to a break because the pre-show is basically Raw.

Back from a break with Eva getting booed out of the stadium and suplexing Emma. A hard tag brings in Natalya and it’s off to Naomi for the dancing kicks. Paige comes in to play Bret to Natalya’s Neidhart (that must have made her smile) on a Hart Attack. It’s back to Emma for a wheelbarrow suplex on Paige before Lana is brought in to the pop of the match so far. Some good looking kicks drop Paige and we hear some trash talk with nothing resembling an accent.

Brie tries to come in so Lana mocks the YES chant in a nice touch. Tamina grabs a chinlock as the rapid tags continue (that’s all you can expect in something like this). A Tower of Doom is teased but instead Paige dives onto a bunch of the women at ringside. Back in and Emma stomps on Paige in the corner but a rollup sends Emma’s head into the buckle.

The hot tag brings in Brie to clean house and it’s time for the parade of secondary finishers. Naomi: “FEEL MY GLOW!!!” By that she means barely get grazed by a split legged moonsault and have Lana shoves Brie off the top. Not that it matters as Brie gets a good looking roll into the YES Lock to make Naomi tap at 11:26.

Rating: D+. Yeah the match was a mess but there’s only so much you can put on the wrestling here. With so many people and so many of them being there as eye candy, there’s only so much they can do. This is the last night for the old Divas style with people being able to use the most basic moves but mainly being there for the sake of their looks. There are FAR worse versions of this match though and this was actually fine for the circumstances.

Post match Nikki Bella comes out in her neck brace in what is supposed to be some big moment.

Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are heels and refusing to use tables. It’s a brawl to start with the non-brothers cleaning house as the crowd is really filling in now. D-Von cranks on Jimmy’s neck and it’s off to Bubba for some trash talk about Rikishi. The snap punches take too long though and Jimmy gets in a superkick, setting up the hot tag to Jey. Everything breaks down and Jey takes What’s Up. Bubba calls for the tables but again takes too long, earning a double superkick. 3D is broken up as well and Jey superkicks D-Von for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match here as we’re just getting ready for the big show and getting this stuff out of the way. You easily could have cut this match off and no one was going to notice it, especially with so little time. The Dudleys were fine at putting people over but did the Usos really need a win like this? Nothing to see here and it really could have been cut as a way to take some of the time off the main show.

Post match the Dudleyz load up some tables but get splashed through them instead. Cool visual if nothing else.

Fifth Harmony sings a very nice rendition of America the Beautiful.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania and how it’s never been bigger than this. Various legends and legendary moments are shown, as they certainly should be. This transitions into a preview of tonight’s show, including the matches and of course a focus on the Rock’s unspecified role. Nothing out of the ordinary here but as is usually the case with these things, WWE really knows how to make these things look great. Also of note: Kelsey Grammer of all people narrates this.

I’m not a fan of his but Flo Rida’s My House is one of the catchiest theme songs they’ve had in years.

Inter-continental Title: Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn

Owens is defending and this is a ladder match. Originally there were just four people involved but the match fell through with Stephanie making a triple threat for the title shot. That match went to a no contest so LET’S JUST THROW EVERYONE INTO THE MESS OF A MATCH. And people wonder why this title isn’t treated as anything important anymore. Sami gets a very nice pop here but Owens’ blows it away, making him the big crowd favorite.

On the other hand, Stardust (in Dusty polka dots) and Sin Cara come out to near silence, which isn’t exactly the biggest surprise. Finally, Ryder gets to hear his music played at Wrestlemania for the first time ever, which really is a cool moment. Ryder: “I’VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS!!!”

Everyone drops to the floor to start and it’s Owens left alone in the ring. As you might expect, Sami comes in with a ladder and it’s time for the Wrestlemania slugout that you know means the world to them. Kevin gets the better of it and cleans house with the ladder until Cara gets in a ladder shot of his own to take over. Ryder neckbreakers Stardust onto the ladder and Miz throws a different ladder over the top and onto Cara.

Sami and Ziggler knock Miz’s ladder over and there’s the Blue Thunder Bomb, which thankfully doesn’t have to go through the motions of a near fall. Back in and Owens backdrops Sami onto a ladder. Kevin: “THIS IS KO MANIA! GO BACK TO NXT!” Ziggler and Ryder go up but Stardust makes a save to put both guys down again. Cara does the same to Stardust and it’s Sami vs. Miz in the ring.

That doesn’t last long either as Sami dives through a ladder to take out four people at once, followed by the diving tornado DDT on Owens. Cara gets shoved off the ladder but lands on the top rope into a springboard onto another pile of people. Ziggler starts the superkick party so JBL can talk about Shawn Michaels.

Owens comes back in and it’s a double superkick to put everyone down. Stardust pulls out the polka dotted ladder (The Exo Atmospheric Starbird Mark II. I’d call it Larry.) and spins it around his head, only to get caught in a Skull Crushing Finale onto said ladder. Now it’s Sami back in but charging into Kevin’s boot in the corner. A frog splash onto Sami onto a ladder bridged onto the bottom rope crushes everyone (JBL: “That’s the biggest frog I’ve ever seen.”).

Ryder doesn’t quite one up him with the Elbro off another ladder to crush Miz but it still looked cool. I’m not sure why there weren’t more flashbulbs going off either as it was quite the highspot. Ziggler faceplants Ryder off the ladder and comes up favoring his knee. The delay lets Owens powerbomb Ziggler off the ladder and Cara kicks Stardust onto a ladder bridged between the apron and the barricade.

Cara hits the big dive to put Stardust through the ladder, leaving Owens and Zayn to slug it out above the ring. Sami gets the better of it and hits the half and half suplex to drop Owens head first into a ladder (sick looking landing). That lets Sami go up until Miz shoves him over but this time Miz takes too long going up, earning himself a big shove off from Ryder, who climbs the ladder for the huge upset at 15:24.

Rating: B. It’s a fun match and the spots were great but…..RYDER??? I mean…..HE’S ZACK RYDER! As is so often the case, there were too many people in here with guys like Cara and Stardust just being there to add more bodies to the thing. Cut this down to four people (five max) and it’s WAY better but that might mean the title is treated a bit more seriously and we can’t have that. I still think this was supposed to be Neville’s spot until he broke his ankle but it doesn’t really matter.

Ryder’s dad comes in to celebrate with him for a really cool moment.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho. They traded some wins and then formed a short lived team (Y2AJ) but Jericho turned on him when they lost. Jericho was jealous over the AJ STYLES chants and wanted the respect for himself. It’s actually a solid feud and one of the matches people wanted to see, though I could have gone with not having the same match three times before.

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho drives him into the corner to start and the AJ STYLES chants are already going nice and strong. Styles gets in a hurricanrana and a snappy armdrag before sending Jericho outside. That should mean a slingshot dive but Jericho dropkicks him out of the air to take over. Back in and a neckbreaker sets up a dragon sleeper for a change of pace.

AJ tries to fight back but gets pulled down into the Walls for some good old fashioned ASK HIM/AHHHH exchanges. A rope is grabbed so AJ can hit the moonsault into a reverse DDT for two. Both guys head to the corner for a super sitout gordbuster and one heck of a crash. The Pele is countered into a Walls attempt but AJ reverses that into the Calf Crusher.

The Styles Clash is broken up and a Codebreaker gets a delayed two (with Cole making sure to say the near fall was due to the delay in a nice touch). For a change of pace, Jericho loads up AJ for the Styles Clash but gets planted face first for two instead. A rollup exchange sets up the real Styles Clash for two and the springboard 450 gets the same. With nothing else left, AJ heads to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm, only to have Jericho shove the referee away and catch Styles with the Codebreaker for the pin at 17:08.

Rating: B. Another long match here with an interesting choice for the ending. I know Jericho went on to have one of the best years of his career but at this point he’s just Jericho and Styles hasn’t even been in the company for three months yet. This continues to feel like booking for the sake of the surprise, which is almost never a good thing. Still though, would you expect anything other than very good from these two for seventeen minutes?

Maria Menunos interviews Zack Ryder and talks about getting to take a picture with Razor Ramon and his Intercontinental Title when he was a kid. Tonight though, he and Ramon are taking a picture with RYDER’S Intercontinental Title. I’m not sure if that’s a better line than waiting your whole life for this but Ryder is nailing it tonight.

New Day vs. League of Nations

New Day comes out in a huge box of BootyO’s which tips over….to reveal them in Dragon Ball Z costumes, complete with a tail on Woods. This was originally a Tag Team Title match but was changed to a handicap match before switching to a six man (Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio/Rusev for the League with King Barrett in the corner) for no apparent reason. I mean, other than having New Day lose or something crazy like that. Also, make no mistake about it: New Day was by FAR the most popular merchandise choice of the weekend. You would see that blue shirt all over Dallas and nothing was anywhere near as common.

Kofi and Sheamus start things off as we hear about New Day holding the titles for over 200 days. Somehow they’re not even at the halfway point. Sheamus gets taken down into the corner for the Unicorn Stampede and Woods starts in with some tromboning. Xavier comes in and gets beaten down as JBL has the nerve to compare these two to the Freebirds and the Horsemen.

Sheamus gets in the forearms to the beat of NEW DAY SUCKS and it’s off to Rusev for a running flip senton. Woods sends Del Rio to the floor in a big crash but Sheamus is over there to takes New Day off the apron in a smart move. Not that it matters as Kofi gets the hot tag a few seconds later and house is cleaned again. Trouble in Paradise is broken up and Rusev adds a kick to the head of his own for two.

The fans try to get an UP UP DOWN DOWN chant going and Big E. tags himself in for some suplexes. The spear through the ropes takes out Sheamus, Rusev and Barrett but it does the same to Big E., who thankfully didn’t break his neck. Back in and Woods drops a top rope double stomp for two on Sheamus. Del Rio makes a save and hits a scary double stomp off the apron to crush Kofi. That leaves Woods alone to take the Bull Hammer from Barrett to give Sheamus the pin at 10:02.

Rating: D+. Ok they’re trolling us now right? The League of Nations is one of the most worthless stables in a LONG time and they’re beating one of the most over groups in recent memory? I know it’s designed to set up the post match shenanigans but there are multiple ways to do the same thing without beating New Day. It’s even worse when you consider the group was split less than a month later.

Post match Barrett says there are no three men who can beat them. Cue Shawn Michaels (nearly causing the wife to jump out of the upper deck), Mick Foley and Steve Austin (he’s a bit too big of a star for this group) for the beatdown. The moment is cool but Cole talking about how great of a moment this is feels so stupidly forced. Anyway, house is quickly cleaned (and apparently Austin further injures his already destroyed shoulder in the process). New Day gets back in and dancing ensues with Shawn and Steve getting into it…..until it’s a Stunner for Woods. Beer is quickly consumed.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose. Lesnar is the Beast and needs someone to fight him so Dean was like “eh I’ll do it.” This led to one heck of a beatdown so Ambrose was given some weapons by various hardcore legends (barbed wire bat from Foley and a chainsaw from Terry Funk) because this is a no holds barred street fight.

Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar

Anything goes and Heyman gives Brock a big, over the top intro. JBL gives us a good example of trying to be too smart by calling Lesnar a former NWA Champion (assuming he means NCAA), which of course he never won. Brock hits the first suplex inside of ten seconds and the huge video screen above the ring kept count (It had been all over the place all night with unicorns for the New Day and various three camera shot replays. In other words, it was annoying in a hurry.).

We hit the third German suplex forty five seconds in and Ambrose is on the floor. A few kendo stick shots annoy Lesnar so he rolls two more suplexes. Brock breaks the stick over his knee and there’s number six. Ambrose can barely move so he gives the referee a thumbs up and there are numbers seven and eight before we’re even five minutes into the match. Dean slaps him in the face….and gets suplexed again.

With nothing else to do, Lesnar offers Dean a free shot with the stick, which Brock then stands on. That earns him a low blow (Ambrose: “THAT’S HILARIOUS!”) and now the stick shots work a bit better. Dean goes outside and finds a chainsaw (Heyman’s eyes bug out) but that means a tenth suplex. A laptop off Lesnar’s face allows Dean to chair him a few times, only to have Brock run the ropes for a belly to belly superplex. Dean’s next trick is a fire extinguisher blast to the face followed by some lame chair shots to the ribs.

A dropkick to send the chair into Lesnar’s face works a bit better and the top rope chair drop gets two. For some reason Dean throws in about ten chairs, which he then goes sailing over off another German suplex. The F5 is countered into a DDT onto (or close to) a chair for two. Now it’s time for the barbed wire baseball bat but it’s another German suplex onto the chairs. An F5 onto them is enough to put Dean away at 12:50.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as I remember it but they made it very clear that Ambrose wasn’t on Lesnar’s level or really close to it for that matter. There’s only so much you can do when Lesnar is out there doing nothing but suplexes (other than those and an F5, I actually can’t think of anything else he did in the match) and Dean ran into that problem here. This could have been a lot worse but a little more offense from Ambrose would have been appreciated.

Ric Flair teaches Ryder how to Woo but it turns out to be a Snickers commercial. Ryder takes a bite….and turns into Charlotte. Yeah I don’t get it either but I think Charlotte is the new Intercontinental Champion.

Hall of Fame time with a pretty good class:

Godfather (So completely out of place here.)

Stan Hansen (How was he not in already?)

Big Boss Man (That’s perfectly fine.)
Jacqueline (Fine, just don’t let her talk.)

Joan Lunden (Warrior Award, which seems to have been forgotten this year.)

Fabulous Freebirds (You could argue they were the headliners.)

Snoop Dogg (Harmless. Not exactly PG but harmless.)

Sting (Only entrance and the loudest reaction.)

We go back to the Kickoff Show with Lita unveiling the new WOMEN’S Title (meaning the Divas era is finally over). Oh and remember that this is completely different than the original Women’s Title, meaning it actually has its own lineage.

We recap the Women’s Title match with a really cool WWE Network themed video. It’s a search for Women’s Champions which shows some famous names before a Women’s Revolution search brings up the three of them (with Stephanie’s screeching narration of course). This gets the music video treatment, which it actually deserves.

Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

The title is officially vacant coming in though Charlotte never lost the Divas Title. Banks has Snoop Dogg (her real life cousin) rap her to the ring, which should guarantee her winning the title here. She also has Eddie Guerrero inspired gear and actually looks better in the tights than the trunks. Charlotte (still wearing the Divas Title) has Ric Flair in her corner and debuts the blue gear, with the robe being made from the robe Flair wore in his final match. That’s a very good thing as she rocks the heck out of that outfit. Lita is holding the new title and after the Big Match Intros we’re ready to go.

Everyone trades rollups to start in a fast and pretty athletic sequence until Charlotte kicks Becky in the face. That earns a nice round of applause and you can tell the women are ready tonight. A hurricanrana sends Charlotte across the ring and Sasha throws in an Eddie dance. They botch (not bad) a sunset flip/German suplex spot before Charlotte it sent outside, leaving Sasha to elbow Becky in the face.

Charlotte pulls Sasha outside though and gives her something like a wheelbarrow suplex onto the apron. Back in and Becky (with a lot of eye makeup) grabs an arm trap reverse DDT for two on Charlotte and we hit the cross armbreaker. Flair gets on the apron like a good pop though and it’s time for the Figure Four. That also means that it’s time for Sasha to come in with a frog splash for the save.

Becky grabs something like a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte and rolls Sasha up for the same. In the first big spot of the match, Sasha dives through the ropes to flip onto Charlotte (possibly catching her foot on the ropes but it didn’t seem to change much). Becky TAKES OUT FLAIR, drawing one of the biggest pops of the night. With Becky and Sasha staggered, Charlotte goes up top and moonsaults onto both of them (looked sweet) for maybe the biggest spot in the history of women’s wrestling.

Back in and double Natural Selection gets a double near fall, much to Charlotte and Ric’s collective frustration. Charlotte loads Sasha up into an electric chair but Becky comes in with a missile dropkick for two on Sasha. The Disarm-Her has Charlotte in trouble until Sasha makes the save with the Bank Statement.

That brings Charlotte back in with the Figure Four on Banks, which is upgraded into the Figure Eight until Becky pulls them to the ropes. Charlotte spears Banks down but gets taken to the top for one heck of a superplex. Banks gets up and goes for the Bank Statement, only to be sent outside so Charlotte can grab the Figure Eight (with Flair holding Banks’ foot) to make Becky tap at 16:08.

Rating: A-. Match of the night so far by a good stretch and pretty easily the best women’s match ever on the main roster to date. There were a few botches here and there but the idea that three women could have a match on par with if not exceeding a lot of the better men would have been unthinkable just a few years ago. Great stuff here and FAR better than I think anyone could have hoped for (save for the logical Banks title win of course).

Charlotte poses and gets some pyro to really make this special.

You know, we’re about two hours and twenty minutes into this show and it’s on pace to be one of the best shows ever. I know there are some booking issues but other than a nothing six man (with a really fun post match segment), nothing has been bad and even that match was fine. However, there are four matches left and nearly TWO AND A HALF HOURS left in the show. I think I know where things are going to start going downhill.

The Cell is lowered for the 33^rd time in WWE history. That stat kind of pulls things back a bit no?

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker and it’s time for this show to start to unravel. So Shane came back in January and talked about how Vince and Stephanie had ruined everything. There was something about a lockbox with evidence of Vince doing something bad (never specified) and Shane threatened to open it if he didn’t get to run Raw (which he said basically meant WWE). Vince decided to put it up in a match with Shane facing Undertaker in the Cell. Undertaker’s Wrestlemania career was put on the line and that’s about it for anyone buying this as anything serious.

At the end of the day, it’s really, REALLY hard to believe that Undertaker was in any real danger against Shane, who hadn’t wrestled a single match in seven years. It’s kind of hard to buy this as a competitive match, but there’s a very good chance that this was supposed to be John Cena instead of Shane but injuries derailed the plans (a major problem all night). To their credit, this match led to something like tens of thousands of tickets being sold in a hurry so it was definitely a draw and worthy of this kind of a push.

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Inside Hell in a Cell. Shane does the high energy entrance and brings his kids out to dance to the ring with him as Shane Bucks fall from the ceiling in a cool moment. Apparently Shane wants to take Undertaker’s cardio, which you know Shane has in droves due to, you know, everything that works against him. Some right hands have no effect on Undertaker so he punches Shane down with one shot. Remember: best pure striker ever in WWE, which you can add to the list of reasons this should be a squash.

Snake Eyes into the big boot have Shane reeling but he gets Undertaker to chase him and stomps away. That earns him a throw into the cage wall and the apron legdrop as this is total dominance in the first five minutes. The Last Ride gets two and the match is instantly a complete mess at 5:32. I’m sorry but there’s no way I can buy this no matter what WWE wants to tell me. That move has beaten World Champions but SHANE MCMAHON, in his mid 40s and seven years removed from his last match, kicks out of it after getting beaten up? Just….no, period.

Undertaker grabs the steps but gets pulled into a weak triangle choke. That’s countered into a chokeslam onto the steps for another two as Shane is suddenly the offspring of Super Cena and Hulk Hogan. Undertaker misses an elbow onto the steps so Shane sits on them and teases Undertaker into a drop toehold onto said steps. I don’t buy Undertaker as being that stupid, nor do I buy the cover that follows.

Shane punches him in the face off the situp so Undertaker gets him in the Hell’s Gate, which Shane reverses into a Sharpshooter. You know, because anyone can survive THREE UNDERTAKER FINISHERS IN TWELVE MINUTES. Undertaker easily powers out so Shane punches him into the corner, which is totally enough to have Undertaker in trouble. Coast to Coast into a trashcan gets two and Shane grabs….boltcutters.

He cuts the Cell open but Undertaker tackles him through the wall and onto the announcers’ table. A monitor to the head looks to set up a Tombstone onto the table but Shane reverses into a sleeper. That’s reversed with a backwards crash through the table as this is getting even more ridiculous. A toolbox to the head puts Undertaker on a table…..and Shane climbs the Cell.

The big elbow completely misses (because it would have killed Undertaker) and you can see the crash pad deflate as Shane lands. Cole: “FOR THE LOVE OF MANKIND!” It was a terrifying spot live but now it’s much more silly than anything else, which isn’t the point in a match like this. Then again this stopped being anything serious or really interesting as soon as the Last Ride only got two so it’s a moot point. Shane says bring it again so Undertaker carries him inside for the Tombstone and the pin at 30:06.

Rating: D-. WAY too long here with a match that should have been a glorified squash (which this was) that ran only about half this long. The idea that Shane could hang in there with Undertaker under these or any circumstances (including a bunch of run-ins, which never happened), is a combination of insulting and stupid.

It’s a ridiculous story (both the buildup and the match itself) and a terribly dull match with one big spot not being able to make up for anything. This was more fun live but GOOD NIGHT it does not hold up. Cut it down to twenty minutes at most and this is much better but as it is, this is horrible. On top of that, allegedly Shane was supposed to win until Undertaker shot it down, which he certainly should have done. The show has hit a major wall now and it’s going to need something special to bring them out.

Shane is taken out on a stretcher as the announcers brag about how awesome he is, which is why a lot of people don’t like seeing Shane wrestle. Yeah he’ll do a bunch of stuff but he gets WAY more credit and praise than he deserves. Shane gives a thumbs up on the way out.

Reason #1 this show crashed so hard: from the time the Cell was lowered to the time we cut away from Shane: 50:43. That’s a lot of time to spend on something that…..bleh.

The pre-show panel chats for a bit.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Fandango, Damien Sandow, Shaquille O’Neal, Big Show, Viktor, Diamond Dallas Page, Konnor, Tatanka, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Goldust, Curtis Axel, Baron Corbin, Adam Rose, Heath Slater, Tyler Breeze, Mark Henry, Bo Dallas, Darren Young, Kane

O’Neal is a surprise, or as much of one as you can be when his face popped up on the big screen during the other entrances. We get the big staredown between Shaq and Show but they have to stop and double chokeslam Kane. Everyone else is sent outside (none eliminated) until Fandango comes in and gets eliminated. Sandow (POP) does the same and is eliminated as well, allowing everyone else to come in and eliminate Shaq and Show. Somehow, that means we NEED to see them at Wrestlemania the next year, despite almost no one asking to see it. Everyone stands around until Page hits the Diamond Cutter on Viktor and tosses him with ease.

Konnor gets rid of Page a few seconds later as this is already pretty dull stuff. The yet to be official Golden Truth eliminates Konnor and Tatanka goes on a warpath that no one was asking for. Corbin tosses Tatanka to no reaction and Kane backdrops Swagger out. The Social Outcasts of all people clean house and get rid of Goldust and Truth. We get a victory lap until Kane and Corbin get rid of Rose and Axel.

We’re down to Corbin, Kane, Young, Breeze, Henry and Dallas with Kane chokeslamming Baron. Henry comes back in after being on the floor for six minutes to eliminate Slater and Breeze to get us down to five. Kane and Young (the oddest couple until….Young and Bob Backlund I guess) get rid of Henry before Kane dumps Dallas and Young. Corbin sneaks in from behind though and eliminates Kane to win at 9:43 and set off the NXT chants.

Rating: D. This was your annual “hey we still have jobs” battle royal but for once they let someone have the win to elevate them up the card. Corbin hits the ground running and odds are he’s going to be challenging for the Intercontinental Title at next year’s show. That’s how you introduce a star and it worked very well. The battle royal itself didn’t though with too many dead spots, but at least they kept the pace up after the first year’s was over thirteen minutes and last year’s was over eighteen.

Wrestlemania XXXIII is in Orlando.

Here are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders to perform, which is never a bad thing. They’re followed by something that’s a bit more hit or miss: Rock’s annual Wrestlemania appearance. This time it’s a bit different though because he has a FLAMETHROWER. He lights a ROCK sign on fire and this eats up even more time on a show already over three and a half hours long with the main event to go.

After the long entrance and some standing around, Rock FINALLY says his first words nearly eight minutes after the cheerleaders started. We get some crowd praising and talk of Rock babies as there’s a loud echo on everything Rock says (kind of cool because of just how big the place is) and the new attendance record of 101,763 is announced. Yeah I know it’s probably not quite that high and much like in 1987, I really don’t care that much.

Rock says it’s about to get good…and we’ve got Wyatts. Thankfully this means we get the Fireflies in the stadium, which was one of the coolest visuals I’ve ever seen. It actually lit up the ring, which is pretty impressive for a bunch of phones. Bray introduces himself and says he chose Rock because Rock represents a lie. Rock is supposed to be the People’s Champion but this is Bray’s moment. He’s going to eviscerate Rock on the grandest stage of them all and the people have to watch.

Rock mocks the eviscerating line and thinks Bray has been hitting the bong. We get some jokes about Rowan and Strowman (Is this where Rock buried Bray? I never can tell with these things.) before Rock praises Bray for having it all (BURIAL! HE’S BURYING HIM! SOMEONE GET A SHOVEL TO HELP BRAY!) and getting 100,000 people on their feet. Rock accuses Bray of eating Hot Pockets but Bray says he’s here to kick the door down. However, Rock has an idea: let’s have a match! We get a referee and Rock says pick any Family member as he takes off the workout gear to reveal trunks.

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Rock Bottom, six seconds. Again, I saw this called Rock burying the Wyatts. You know, because people are worried about ERICK ROWAN needing protection.

The Family surrounds Rock and heeeere’s Cena for the save. House is cleaned, signature moves are hit and Rock welcomes Cena back (he would be back in about a month) to FINALLY end this, 28:15 after the cheerleaders came out (I’m keeping time for a reason in case you couldn’t tell).

It’s 11:03pm so let’s recap the main event. Roman Reigns was World Champion but HHH couldn’t get him to go corporate so it’s Austin vs. Vince again. HHH made Reigns defend the title in the Royal Rumble, which he of course entered and won to set up this match. People really weren’t all that interested but you knew this was going to happen several months back. You know, because THIS TIME FOR SURE it’s going to get Reigns over.

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

HHH is defending and here’s Stephanie in what I think is a Mad Max look. It’s a closeup of her face in front of a barren wasteland as she talks about how this is their world and we’re all just living in it. Basically all hope is lost and we need to give up on this ridiculous belief that anyone can save us from the Authority.

Then an army of people in skull masks (NXT wrestlers with Enzo Amore at the front) carrying WWE Titles comes to the ring to set up HHH’s entrance where Stephanie gets to show off her legs. Again, just like the last two years, the big face gets to follow this rather cool (and over the top) HHH entrance. But hey, at least we get the annual HHH is Cool moment right?

As ridiculous (and as much as they’re begging the fans to boo them instead of Reigns) as this is, it’s NOTHING compared to the outright hatred that Reigns receives. The man is booed out of Texas and allegedly the audio had to be turned down in response. If that’s true…..I really wouldn’t be surprised.

Since these two can’t stand each other, they go to a headlock and armbar to start. The fans unload on Reigns when he shoulders HHH, only to get hiptossed to the floor. Back in and HHH works on the arm some more until Reigns shoves him into the corner for more incredible booing. A lockup goes nowhere as this is already starting to look like one of HHH’s disastrous main events.

Some hard forearms to the back of Reigns’ head put him down. The comeback is so soundly booed that it’s almost comical. A Stunner over the top rope sets up the apron dropkick for one on the champ. Stephanie offers a quick distraction so HHH can get in a low blow (FACE POP) and Reigns goes down again. HHH goes with some hard right hands to the face and the spinebuster gets two.

They head outside with HHH sending him face first into the announcers’ table (which he did a few weeks back to break Reigns’ nose). Another comeback is cut off and Reigns is thrown into the German announcers. Back in and Reigns uppercuts him out of the air and hammers away, only to have HHH bail from the Superman Punch. They trade whips into the steps until Reigns spears him through the barricade for almost no reaction. This is basically the same problem as HHH vs. Jericho in 2002: there’s no reason to believe the champ has a chance so there’s no reason to care until Reigns hits a spear in the ring.

Back in again and Reigns is holding his arm but HE’LL CONTINUE! And without a thirty minute nap like at the Rumble! Oh he’s got his working boots on tonight. HHH puts on a Fujiwara armbar of all things because the main event of Wrestlemania with a match that’s supposed to be based on hatred is built around a bad arm. See, when Daniel Bryan did that, it was entertaining. When Reigns is doing it, the fans are cheering the evil villain.

Reigns powers out of something like the Rings of Saturn but can’t knock the confetti off of HHH’s head. It’s back to the armbar until Reigns FINALLY gets the break with a powerbomb. That goes nowhere so WE HIT ANOTHER ARMBAR BECAUSE THIS MATCH NEEDS TO BE ALL LONG AND EPIC AND STUFF! Another powerbomb breaks the hold again but the spear is countered into a Pedigree which is countered into a backdrop to the floor.

The fans start singing to placate their boredom until the spear gets….no count because Stephanie pulls the referee out. Now Stephanie gets in to yell at the referee, earning herself a spear and turning Reigns into the biggest star in the world (for about thirty seconds). If my memory serves me right, she hasn’t taken a bump in nearly a year since then, or really had anything bad happen to her that lasted more than a day or two.

The Pedigree gives us the first hot near fall of the match and it’s the Superman Punch to drop HHH. The second spear is broken up with a knee and Stephanie hands HHH the sledgehammer (She took a spear less than four minutes ago so OF COURSE she’s capable of doing that. This woman is scary.). Not that it matters as another Superman Punch and the spear give Reigns the title back at 27:04.

Rating: D. And a lot of that is just for having the guts to go out there and do a match this boring in this spot on this show. This match was twelve minutes of HHH working on the arm and then getting into the main event style that went exactly where we knew it was going. The lack of drama or really anything interesting (save for that Stephanie spear) killed this and there was no recovering given how long the thing ran.

This needed to be about fifteen minutes shorter and we would have had the same result: Reigns winning and getting booed out of the building because people just don’t want to see him in this spot. There was a total lack of hatred and violence here and it really dragged things down, which is far too often the case for any given HHH match. It’s one of the worst Wrestlemania main events ever and there’s really no way around that.

A quick celebration sets up the traditional long music video to wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t think of a single show that is so completely different from the first half to the second. The worst thing about the first few matches is the booking with the worst match being a somewhat dull six man tag. If you cut this off after the Women’s Title, this is one of the better pay per views I’ve seen in several years.

Then the Cell was lowered, kicking off the last “four” matches (counting Rock vs. Rowan) and the long segment. When you add up the Cell, the Rock segment and the main event, they all combined for over two hours. That’s two REALLY bad matches and a segment that went on far too long (but was entertaining at times) adding up to an episode of Smackdown. Clip off fifteen minutes from Shane vs. Undertaker (and another five from the intro/post match stuff), ten from Rock’s stuff (say, him playing with a flamethrower) and AT LEAST ten off the main event and this is instantly a less horrible show.

Unlike most pay per views, Wrestlemania is almost exclusively remembered for two to three matches more often than not. Therefore, it’s a major problem when your two main matches are long and rather horrible. It was hard to keep interest in this show even sitting in the stadium and that should not happen. There’s a lot of good stuff in the first half though and switching the order up would have helped out a lot. Unfortunately that’s completely the opposite of what they did as it was all stupid booking overshadowing the good and then REALLY bad stuff covering the rest of the show.

It’s easy to see why this show is remembered so poorly when the second half is just such a wreck. It felt like a huge way to have the fans get annoyed while WWE laughs and says “we’ve got all your money”. You shouldn’t leave Wrestlemania talking about how bad the show was when there was so much good going on. The bad completely outweighs the good here and there was no way anything else was going to be remembered. Awful show that lives down to its reputation.

Ratings Comparison

Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

New Day vs. League of Nations

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D-

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

Oh yeah I was still feeling the in-person vibe when I watched this back the first time. A C- is WAY too generous.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxii-strap-yourselves-in-this-is-a-long-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXXII
Date: April 3, 2016
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 101,763
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Fifth Harmony

We’ve finally arrived at what might be the biggest show of all time. The attendance record is going to be set tonight (it just is) and the card is……well did I mention that attendance? Yeah the build to this one hasn’t been all that great with a double main event of Roman Reigns challenging HHH for the WWE World Title and Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon inside the Cell with Undertaker’s future at Wrestlemania vs. Shane controlling Raw on the line in a story that stops making sense as soon as you start thinking about it too much. Let’s get to it.

Again I was in the stadium for this so it’s my second time seeing the show but first time seeing the produced version.

The stadium looks nothing short of amazing, despite being mostly empty for the pre-show due to a lot of issues with getting people inside.

Pre-Show: US Title: Kalisto vs. Ryback

Kalisto is defending in this basic big guy vs. little guy feud. We get a nice tale of the tape with Ryback having 4.5 shoe sizes and more than double the bench press. The GOLDBERG chants begin at the bell and Kalisto isn’t sure how to start. A headlock proves to be a really bad idea as Ryback launches him away and easily sends him outside for a crash.

Kalisto comes back in with something like a top rope bulldog for two, followed by a nice fake out on a dive to set up double knees off the apron. Ryback will have none of that and LAUNCHES Kalisto into the air for a big crash as we take a break. Back with Ryback getting two off something we don’t see and a hard back elbow to the jaw gets the same. A running sitout powerslam gets the third straight near fall but Ryback gets a bit too cocky on a very delayed superplex, allowing Kalisto to turn it into a cross body for two.

The champ’s hurricanrana driver gets the same and there’s the corkscrew cross body for good measure. A hard slam has Kalisto in trouble so he tries to head to the corner, only to be pulled back with the turnbuckle pad coming off. You can see the ending coming from here as Kalisto sends him head first into the exposed buckle, setting up the Salida Del Sol for the pin to retain at 8:53.

Rating: C+. Really good choice for the opener here as they did everything they needed to do to get the crowd (well what little crowd they had) going. It’s such a simple idea to have someone smaller beat a big strong guy and they didn’t try to over think things out there. The ending might have been a bit of a stretch but at least Ryback keeps a bit of face after the loss. He needs to win something eventually though and I’m really not wild on having the title match on the pre-show.

Pre-Show: Total Divas vs. Bad and Blonde

This would be Brie Bella/Alicia Fox/Paige/Eva Marie/Natalya vs. Lana/Naomi/Summer Rae/Tamina/Emma in a match with no story worth mentioning because these things never have stories of note. Summer elbows Alicia in the face to start before getting two off a DDT. A tag to Emma draws all ten of them in for a huge staredown as we take a break. Back with Eva coming in to some horrible booing to face Emma. A not bad headscissors puts Emma down but Eva slaps Natalya hard on th\e shoulder instead of tagging Paige.

It’s quickly off to Naomi for those stupid dancing kicks but Paige comes in to play Bret to Natalya’s Anvil in a Hart Attack. Naomi misses a cross body and crashes into the ropes but still tags Emma back in for a wheelbarrow suplex. We finally get the tag to Lana, who started this whole thing by insulting Brie Bella. Somehow we wound up with this instead of whatever they were going for there and that’s probably best for everyone. Lana wrestling with her hair down and wearing basically a one piece swimsuit isn’t bad for anyone either.

Paige gets kicked down and Lana mocks the YES chants before bringing Tamina in. A lot of spot calling results in a broken up Tower of Doom and Paige diving onto the pile for a big crash. There’s still no hot tag though as Emma keeps Paige in the corner and stomps away. Paige finally gets away from Naomi and makes the hot tag to Brie as everything breaks down.

We get the parade of finishers (including Eva’s Sliced Bread #2 being booed halfway out of Texas) until the BRIE MODE knee is blocked by Naomi’s raised boot. The split legged moonsault hits mat (called a knee by Byron), allowing Brie to grab the arm and roll forward into the YES Lock (that looked awesome) for the submission at 11:25.

Rating: D. What were you expecting here? It was a huge mess with a bunch of women who have no idea how to do anything besides spots and barely being able to do those. This probably would have been better as a four person tag or even better as a match between Brie and Lana so there could be an actual story. Lana was fine in the little bit she was in the ring, but you know she’s a long term project. This was little more than a way to get them on the card though and that’s fine all around.

Post match Nikki Bella comes out in ring gear and a neck brace for the big return celebration because we’re supposed to cheer for Nikki and be impressed because of her injury.

Here’s Lita to talk about the history of women’s wrestling and to unveil the new Women’s Title belt which will be awarded to the winner of tonight’s triple threat. Also of note: she calls them superstars instead of Divas, which hopefully is a permanent name change. This is called the first title ever, even though the Women’s Title existed less than eight years ago. Still though it gets rid of that butterfly thing so it’s a step up.

Pre-Show: Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

This is over the Dudleyz not wanting to use tables anymore and trying to protect their legacies as a great team who don’t need weapons. The Dudleyz jump the twins to start with D-Von cranking on Jimmy’s neck and taking his head off with a clothesline. Bubba comes in to shout about beating up the Usos’ dad Rikishi, which Lawler calls a history lesson.

There are the dancing punches but Jimmy superkicks him down, setting up the hot tag to Jimmy. The Dudleyz beat him down too and get in What’s Up, only to have a double superkick break up the table grab. The reverse 3D gets two but Jimmy breaks up the 3D with a superkick. Another good looking superkick is enough to put D-Von away at 5:18.

Rating: C-. This was fine but it didn’t have anywhere near enough time to mean anything. The Usos vs. the Dudleyz should be a very solid match but you can only get so far on five minutes. That being said, neither team has that much of an upside at this point and I really don’t need to see them fight again, especially after this only decent effort.

Post match the Dudleyz get the tables, only to get superkicked again to set up double Superfly Splashes through the tables. The fans are NOT happy with that one.

It’s finally time for the regular show with the crowd mostly filled in. That’s such an amazing visual as the people just keep going and going.

Pop band Fifth Harmony sings a very nice America the Beautiful.

The opening video shows the Madison Square Garden microphone dropping to signify the start of a legend. Over the years this led to a group of legends such as giants, warriors and the dead rising. That brings us to the question of who becomes the next legend. This switches into a standard video about people rising up tonight to become legends in the usually awesome Wrestlemania style. Apparently this was narrated by Kelsey Grammer.

The camera pans around the stadium and that is just a sea of humanity.

Intercontinental Title: Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara

Owens is defending and this is a ladder match. This started as Owens vs. Zayn but Ziggler and Miz got involved for no worthy reason. Then Owens insulted Stephanie McMahon and you just can’t do that so she added the other three because she felt like it, and that of course trumps anything involving logic or storytelling. Stardust has Dusty inspired polka dots on his gear to make this feel special.

Everyone but Owens bails to the floor to start so it’s time to pose, only to have Zayn come in with a ladder for the big showdown. Ziggler hits Sami in the back with another ladder to take over before slamming Cara onto the ladder for good measure. The ring is cleared out and it’s Miz climbing up but for some reason he doesn’t open it all the way, allowing Sami and Dolph to make the save.

Owens comes back in and backdrops Zayn onto the ladder before shouting at him to go back to NXT. Ryder and Ziggler go up but get shoved down into the ropes for the save. Everyone winds up on the floor (I’m barely skipping anything in between these spots but that’s the case in most multi-man ladder matches.) and Zayn dives through the ladder for the big crash. Sami is right up with the diving DDT over the bottom rope to take out Owens for a huge reaction.

Cara gets back in and tries to go up, only to have Sami shove the ladder over, only to have Cara land on the top rope and flip dive onto everyone else. Ziggler starts busting out superkicks, including tuning up the band for one on Ryder. Owens is too smart enough for that though and it’s a double superkick to put both guys down. Now Stardust pulls out a polka dot ladder for a DUSTY chant and the Terry Funk helicopter spot until Miz breaks it up and hits the Skull Crushing Finale onto said ladder.

Owens will have nothing to do with the goofy ladder but has to block the Helluva Kick. A frog splash onto Zayn onto a bridged ladder have both guys down. Owens is up first though and it’s a Pop Up Powerbomb to drop Miz. Ryder sends Kevin into the ladder and hits a big old elbow drop off the ladder onto Miz for a huge crash.

That’s not enough to get the belt though as Ziggler runs up the ladder for a faceplant off the top to put himself and Ryder down. It’s even worse than that though as Ziggler comes up limping, allowing Owens to powerbomb him off the ladder. Stardust and Owens come back in and it’s Stardust being knocked onto a ladder bridged between the apron and the ring.

After kicking Zayn away, Cara dives through Stardust and through the ladder for a spot we’ve seen way too many times but still works due to the carnage. Owens and Zayn go up top for the slugout on the ladder before falling down, only to have Zayn grab a half and half suplex (half nelson/half tiger) onto the ladder. Miz climbs up but takes forever to pull down the belt, allowing Ryder to shove him off and pull down the title at 15:23.

Rating: B. This was your usually good ladder match but there was a bit too much going on. In other words, there were too many people in the match at the same time and it dragged things down. Ryder winning was a good way to pop the crowd at first but it’s pretty clear that this was supposed to be Neville. Even after the injury though, it certainly was nice of WWE to add even more people to this to make sure it was as messy as possible. Then again it’s a total spot fest and that’s all anyone was expecting it to be. Good choice for an opener at least.

Zack’s dad comes in to help celebrate. Cole says that’s Ryder’s big moment after nearly ten years of futility. That would include a Tag Team Title and the US Title so well done on making your own belts sound worthless.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho. Styles debuted back in January and was immediately cheered by the fans. He then went on to defeat Jericho on Raw, setting up a series of matches between the two. They then formed a tag team but lost in their shot at the Tag Team Titles. Jericho snapped and turned heel on AJ, setting up their fourth match here.

Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles

They lock up around the ropes to start as the fans are split on who to cheer for. AJ nips up into a headscissors and Jericho throws a chair around in frustration. Back in and they slug it out but Jericho avoids the drop down into the dropkick by holding the ropes. That’s fine with AJ as he clotheslines Jericho outside but dives into a dropkick.

Now we get into the meat of the match as Jericho slows things down and stomps away before putting on a chinlock. That’s quite heelish of him. A dragon sleeper is as well but AJ pops up and does his striking sequence, capped off by a dropkick. Jericho grabs the Walls but AJ is quickly in the ropes and back up with an elbow to the face. AJ goes up top and fights off a superplex attempt, setting up a huge super gordbuster to put both guys down. Now the Walls go on full but AJ crawls through the legs and grabs the calf Crusher to a fairly strong reaction.

That’s escaped as well so AJ tries and failed at both finishers, only to walk into the Codebreaker for a delayed two. Nice job of protecting the finisher there, even though that concept stopped mattering years ago in WWE. A Tesshocker gets two for AJ so he grabs a rollup, only to flip backwards into the Styles Clash for two more (ROAR! THEY TOTALLY KILLED THE STYLES CLASH!!! EVERY TIME SOMEONE KICKS OUT OF A FINISHER IT CAN NEVER BE USED AGAIN!!! ROAR I SAY! Typical response I’ve seen to that near fall and as usual, wrestling fans need to calm down because it means nothing.).

The Lionsault hits knees so AJ gets in the springboard 450 for two. That means it’s time for the Phenomenal Forearm (which is his finisher now, even though people have to keep raving over the Styles Clash, which isn’t even all that great of a move) but Jericho counters into the Codebreaker for the pin at 17:10.

Rating: B. As in bamboozled, which I am over that ending. It was a solid wrestling match going into that last bit and then Jericho won. Why in the world would you have Jericho, who is older and nowhere near what he was before, beat a hot act like Styles here? The match was good but this needed to be the finale of the feud with AJ taking the final win but instead Jericho gets the pin. I really do not get this and I haven’t seen anyone else who has either.

Some celebrities are here.

Maria Menunos is in the back with Zack Ryder, who says he can retire now because this is the match of his life. He talks about meeting Razor Ramon when he was a kid and getting to hold Ramon’s Intercontinental Title. Tonight they’re taking a new picture but this time it’s going to be Razor holding HIS title. That’s a great line, though I can’t imagine Ryder holding the title long.

New Day vs. League of Nations

Non-title and non-handicap due to non-Barrett, despite it being a handicap match on the pre-show. None of that matters though as New Day comes out of a giant box of Bootyo’s dressed as Super Saiyans from Dragon Ball Z. Rusev is now in trunks instead of shorts and the look doesn’t work as well. There isn’t much of a story here other than New Day insulted the League a month or so ago and they’ve feuded ever since. No reason has been given for why this isn’t a title match and I doubt one is ever coming.

Kofi cross bodies Sheamus down to start as Cole says New Day is like the Freebirds. Just….no Michael. Like…..really no. Sheamus easily punches Woods down and it’s off to Del Rio as JBL compares the League to the Horsemen. EVEN MORE NO JBL! Woods gets in a discus forearm to put Alberto down but the running enziguri allows for the tag off to Sheamus.

That means it’s time for the forearms to the chest to the beat of NEW DAY ROCKS. Well to be fair everything else is done to that beat anymore. Woods finally sends Del Rio out to the floor but Sheamus is smart enough to break up the tag attempt. The other partners get in a brawl so Xavier DDTs Sheamus and makes the hot tag to Kofi.

Everything breaks down with Kingston cleaning house, only to have Rusev kick him in the head to break it up. Big E. suplexes Rusev over the apron so E. can spear all three members through the apron for a huge crash. Rusev laying on his back with his eyes open takes this up a step. A top rope double stomp gets two on Sheamus as Del Rio kicks away at Kofi. The double stomp drives Kingston into the floor (and it looks stupid outside too), leaving Barrett to Bull Hammer Woods into the Brogue Kick for the pin at 10:03.

Rating: C-. This is the point where Wrestlemania goes flying off the cliff, leaving us with the hope that it can hang on by its fingertips. New Day is quite possibly the most popular act in wrestling but for some reason they’re jobbing to the heatless wonders. Having AJ lose was one thing but for the life of me I have no idea what they were thinking here. New Day gets the big entrance and then they just lose? That’s the best they’ve got? The match was acceptable enough but the booking just does not make sense.

Post match Barrett says no three men can beat then so here are Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley and Steve Austin (Who just doesn’t fit here. Foley and Michaels are big names but they’re nowhere near Austin in any regard. A third legend would have worked better, though I’m not sure who you would bring in here.) to easily clean house. New Day comes in post beatdown and tries to get the three of them to dance. Michaels is with it of course and Foley has a Dude Love flashback, leaving us with Austin. This goes as badly as you would expect until he dances just a bit, only to Stun Woods a few seconds later. Much beer is consumed.

This was called a burial of the League and I really don’t know where to start with explaining why this is absurd. To begin with, it’s the League of Nations. How far do they have to be put down to bury them? Second, those are three of the biggest names of all time coming in fresh to beat up a team that just had a match. This was a one off moment to give the fans something to cheer for and it’s the highest profile thing the League has ever done. Stop overthinking this stuff every now and then and just enjoy a fun moment.

Ad for upcoming Network shows.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose which is the latest in a series of challengers trying to fight Brock without much of a continuing story. In this case, Lesnar was involved in the triple threat at Fastlane where Reigns pinned Ambrose, setting up this match here so Dean can prove that Brock can’t hurt him. It’s also a street fight to give Dean a realistic (work with me here) chance.

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose

Heyman, seemingly taken aback by the size of the crowd, handles Brock’s introduction for a nice touch. Brock drives him into the corner to start as is his traditional custom. We get the first suplex, which puts a big 1 on the huge video screens above the ring, which would continue counting throughout the match. We’re already at #3 and it’s all Brock so far. Dean grabs a kendo stick for some shots but Brock knees him away and hits two more Germans.

The fans are split on who to cheer for as Lesnar picks up the stick (JBL: “This is something you would see in Kilimanjaro.” Sure JBL. Sure.) before throwing it away. There’s another suplex before Brock stomps him down even more. Somehow this turns into a discussion of ice cubes in Puerto Rico because JBL and Byron can’t stop having their stupid arguments.

Brock stands on the stick so Dean can’t pick it up, followed by suplex number eight. Some forearms just tick Brock off even more, setting up number nine. Now Brock offers Dean a chance to come get the stick but Brock stands on it again, allowing Dean to hit him low for a hope spot. It never ceases to amuse me that a low blow is the only thing that can really hurt Brock.

Dean finds the chainsaw from Terry Funk which of course doesn’t work because this is wrestling and not a slasher movie. Suplex number ten sends Dean flying on the floor, followed by a belly to belly superplex for number eleven. Dean finally gets in a fire extinguisher blast and some weak chair shots, including a dropkick to drive the chair into Lesnar.

The chair elbow drop gets two but Dean opts to throw in a bunch of chairs instead of, you know, hitting Brock with the one he has. The stupid delay allows Brock to suplex Dean over the chairs but the F5 is countered into a DDT (not) onto the chairs for two. Now it’s time for the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire but the swing misses (of course), allowing Brock to F5 him onto the chairs for the pin at 13:06.

Rating: D+. The more I think about this match the less I like it. This was just a step above a squash as Lesnar never felt like he was in any danger whatsoever and made Dean look like a very second class talent by comparison. I’m really not sure what the point of these Brock matches are supposed to be these days as he’s just a monster with no purpose other than coming in for the occasional squash. They don’t lead anywhere and are just standalone matches so why is this supposed to be interesting? At least make Brock sweat or something because there was never any drama here.

Flair and Zack Ryder have a WOO off but it turns out to be a Snickers commercial where Ryder takes a bite and turns into Charlotte. So wait: Charlotte is the Intercontinental Champion?

Hall of Fame recap.

We get the Hall of Fame class presentation with Godfather (limited reaction but positive), Stan Hansen (about the same), Big Boss Man (better reaction), Jacqueline (surprisingly decent cheering), Joan Lunden (nothing of note), the Freebirds (roar), Snoop Dogg (reaction was there) and of course Sting with the full entrance and a roar. That’s a solid class but Godfather looks so out of place.

We see Lita debuting the Women’s Title earlier tonight.

The recap video for the Women’s Title match is rather cool as it has a theme of searching for things on the WWE Network, showing the history of the women’s division back in the day, which brought us here to the Divas Revolution. You have Charlotte defending against her former Four Horsewomen partners Becky Lynch, who Charlotte has never defeated and Sasha Banks, who no one has ever beaten. There’s a chance that this could steal the show if they let it be an NXT style match.

Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch

Charlotte, in a robe made from the robe Ric wore in his retirement match, has her dad with her. Sasha, the overwhelming crowd favorite is in Eddie Guerrero style gear here and is introduced by her cousin Snoop Dogg with a custom rap. Charlotte gets chopped down to start but the challengers start trading near falls instead of following up. A nice pinfall reversal sequence ensues until Becky is sent outside, leaving the fans to cheer for Sasha as she stares Charlotte down. An Eddie style armdrag out of the corner sets up the dance but Becky is back in. They botch what was supposed to be a Sasha sunset flip to make Becky suplex Charlotte (hard spot to be fair) so the champ goes outside for a bit. That goes nowhere so Charlotte takes Sasha’s place, only to eat a reverse DDT for two. Charlotte rams Becky’s head into the mat a few times before going in on the knee.

Sasha comes back in but can’t get the double knees in the corner. Instead it’s Becky slapping an armbar on Charlotte until Sasha makes the save, only to have Charlotte send her outside and slap the Figure Eight on Becky. This brings Sasha back in with a frog splash for the save and a nice ovation.

Becky comes back in to suplex Sasha but gets kneed in the chest, only to have her send Sasha through the ropes for a flip dive (Which seemed to be a botch as it looked like her foot caught the top rope.) to take out Charlotte. Becky dives onto Ric for no good reason but the fans lose their minds at the old man getting dropped.

Charlotte is up first and moonsaults down onto both challengers to really get the crowd into it. The announcers are really trying to push this as the dawning of a new era and while I don’t know if I’d go that far, it’s definitely awesome so far. Back in and a double Natural Selection gets two each for Charlotte but Sasha winds up on her shoulders, followed by a missile dropkick from Becky.

The Disarm-Her has Charlotte in trouble but Sasha comes over with the Bank Statement, only to have Charlotte put Sasha in the Figure Four (not Eight). That’s turned over as well but Charlotte reverses the reversal into the Figure Eight. Of course that’s broken up by Becky and all three are down. Charlotte chops both of them from their knees so they pound her down, only to have Becky and Sasha punch each other in the face.

A wicked spear cuts Sasha in half though and Charlotte goes up. That quickly backfires as well though as Sasha gets up, allowing Becky to tie her in the Tree of Woe. A superplex sends Charlotte flying but Sasha gets Becky (and her BADLY bruised eye) in the Bank Statement. Charlotte is right back in for the save though and the Figure Eight makes Becky tap at 16:03 while Flair holds Sasha back.

Rating: B+. They were rocking here and a blown spot or two less would have made this a classic. Above all else this felt like an NXT women’s match instead of a main roster Divas match, which is exactly what the point of this was supposed to be. Hopefully this becomes the focal point of the division instead of all the lame action you get more often than not.

The big criticism here is simple though: it should have been Sasha. If there has ever been a moment perfectly set up for a title change, it was right here. Sasha had the custom entrance, the special tights and the crowd entirely behind her…..and it’s Flair interfering to keep the title on Charlotte, just like it always is. I don’t get this mentality of setting something up for down the road when you’re at Wrestlemania. It didn’t make sense when Lawler lost to Cole and it doesn’t make sense here. Great match though.

Charlotte gets a ton of pyro, including a series of fireworks outside the stadium. That really did make it feel like a bigger moment, just like it should be.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Shane vs. Undertaker and I still get lost in this whole thing. So Shane apparently had dirt on Vince and kept holding it over his head so Shane tried to get control of Raw. Vince agreed to put Raw up in exchange for whatever proof Shane had of what Vince did (the specifics of which have still not been explained and likely never will be). Shane has to fight the Undertaker inside the Cell tonight and unfortunately no one gives Shane much of a chance due to his age, time away from the ring, and HIS OPPONENT IS THE UNDERTAKER. Oh and Undertaker is done at Wrestlemania if he loses just in case you thought Shane could win.

This story has been a mess from the start and it’s not really clear who you’re supposed to cheer for. Do you go for Shane who is up against Vince and the evil Authority (after saying how much Raw has sucked in recent years) or against Undertaker who is the legend fighting for Vince because…….well it’s not really clear but in theory it’s because Vince is Vince. The idea is that Shane is in WAY over his head, which he certainly is, making this whole thing a mess. To be fair though there’s a good chance that Shane was supposed to be John Cena before the injury took him off the card. Unfortunately, this is the best thing we can get.

I know Shane being back has given a lot of fans a bunch of nostalgia but that doesn’t mean he’s capable of having a long match with anyone, let alone an old Undertaker. This has the potential to be a bunch of fun spots but having it be an actual quality match is almost completely out of the question.

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Inside the Cell of course. Of course the entrances take forever with Shane’s going long as well due to having his children (Vince’s grandchildren) dance out with him as Shane dollars fall from the ceiling. As usual, this creates an issue as the bills are everywhere, including sticking to the side of the Cell. Shane throws a kick to start for no effect before they start jabbing at the air in front of each other.

They head outside with Undertaker in control and “methodically taking his time” according to Cole because he doesn’t get that they mean the same thing. Back in and a single right hand puts Shane down but he back elbows Undertaker in the jaw to block a big boot. Cole follows up by saying this is a cat and mouse game, making sure to point out that Undertaker is indeed the cat.

Undertaker messes with some steps but gets caught with kicks as he comes back in, earning Shane a whip into the cage wall. The apron legdrop sets up the Last Ride for two and I’m done with this match five and a half minutes in. That move can give Undertaker World Titles and major wins but it can’t beat Shane McMahon when Undertaker has barely been touched? I just can’t buy that no matter how much of an athlete Shane is.

Undertaker brings the steps in but gets caught in a long triangle choke, which would be laughed off and broken in ten seconds from any other opponent but since it’s Shane it’s hard to counter for some reason. Undertaker gets Shane on his back for a cover and the hold is broken, allowing Undertaker to chokeslam him onto the steps for another two.

Oh come on now. Neither of those moves are enough to put Shane away? That’s what I’m supposed to buy? Based on those moves, this match shouldn’t have made it ten minutes but they seem to just be starting up. Undertaker misses an elbow and hits the steps so Shane says bring it on. That’s actually enough to sucker Undertaker in for a DDT onto the steps for two and the actual wrestler is WAY more out of it than he should be after one or maybe two big moves in ten minutes.

Undertaker sits up so Shane punches him in the face, earning himself a Hell’s Gate. Shane somehow escapes that (as in the move that put HHH away at a Wrestlemania) for a bad Sharpshooter, with the referee telling him to take his time. Thankfully Undertaker powers out pretty easily but he can’t handle Shane hitting him in the face a few times. Undertaker can take punches from BROCK LESNAR but Shane takes a few weeks of MMA training and he can punch Undertaker down?

Shane hits Coast to Coast and it’s only good for two because one foot driving a trashcan into Undertaker’s chest (more like stomach as the can didn’t seem to make any actual contact) actually isn’t enough to put him away. Shocking I know but we keep going. Shane gets up and finds boltcutters under the ring to break open pat of the cage wall. Undertaker is quickly to his feet though and drives Shane through the wall and up against the German announcers’ table, which really isn’t a huge impact as the wall only goes a few feet before being stopped.

It’s time to load up the announcers’ table and Undertaker calls for the Tombstone, only to have Shane counter into a sleeper. Not a special MMA choke, but a run of the mill sleeper. Instead of like, countering by easily flipping Shane over, Undertaker just stands there for a bit before driving both of them through the table for a good looking crash.

Shane comes up with a toolbox to knock Undertaker silly though…..and Shane looks at the top of the Cell. A monitor shot to the head keeps Undertaker down and it’s time to go up. Shane takes forever to finally dive off, driving himself through the table and right onto the visible crash pad.

I was genuinely scared when he was up there and seeing the pad helps a good bit as that thing is HUGE. I get that they had to have it but couldn’t they find a better way to hide it? After a lot of sitting around so Shane can be checked out, Shane says bring it on. Back in and Shane pulls himself onto the steps where Undertaker tells him to bring it. The Tombstone finally puts Shane away at 30:05.

Rating: D. Nope. You can take the nostalgia, you can take Shane fighting for his legacy (whatever that means this year) and you can pretend that Shane can get through this with pure heart and it doesn’t matter. This flat out did not work for me and it didn’t work for several reasons.

First and foremost, I do not buy that Shane McMahon is a threat to the Undertaker, nor do I buy that he could kick out of a Last Ride and chokeslam onto the steps before getting out of Hell’s Gate. They lost me as soon as that happened because, as has been established, Shane isn’t a wrestler and therefore shouldn’t be able to survive that kind of stuff. I know you can stretch a lot of the time but this was too much for me to believe.

Second, this was WAY too long at over half an hour. This went longer than Shawn vs. Undertaker inside the Cell and was the fifth longest Cell match in history. The elbow was cool (terrifying but cool) but that’s not enough to warrant this match going longer than Undertaker vs. Mankind or HHH vs. Cactus Jack. This should have been cut in half and had the time given to other stuff or maybe cut off so the show isn’t pushing five hours.

Third, it was barely a match. This was a bunch of stretches of Undertaker beats on Shane then misses a big move so Shane can get in some garbage stuff. That’s entertaining for a little while but then it gets to be the same stuff over and over. I know Shane isn’t a wrestler, but that’s the problem: you need someone more capable to have a match that lasts half an hour.

Finally, there was barely any reason to have this in the Cell other than “it’s a Cell match.” Other than the big spot at the end, the cage was barely used and there was next to no reason for these two to hate each other. Vince decided we were having this match and they tried to work in some hated or anger later but it never clicked. This easily could have been no holds barred or something and just had Shane dive off the stage or something but instead we had the Cell, which took even more time to get ready and hype up.

Overall it’s certainly not the worst match I’ve ever seen for the gimmick and I was entertained at times but it was just too long with too many leaps in realism. This is a match where Shane should have brought people in to help him and maybe set something up for Undertaker later.

Instead it was like when Vince and Shane fought DX with no help: no one believes it because the wrestler is just too good for the businessman who wrestles on occasion. This could have worked at about fifteen minutes but it was dragging at twelve and only came close to picking up near the end. I wasn’t a fan here and it was worse on a second viewing.

Shane is wheeled out on a stretcher to eat up even more time. He throws a thumbs up and pounds his chest for the crowd.

Here’s the pre-show panel while the ring is cleaned up.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Fandango, Damien Sandow, Shaquille O’Neal, Big Show, Viktor, Diamond Dallas Page, Konnor, Tatanka, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Goldust, Baron Corbin, Curtis Axel, Adam Rose, Heath Slater, Tyler Breeze, Mark Henry, Bo Dallas, Darren Young, Kane

Page was a cool surprise with the music getting a strong pop. Put the guy in the Hall of Fame already. Tatanka was at Axxess earlier in the day but I have no idea why he’s in this. O’Neal was a surprise, even though his TapOut graphic flashed during Big Show’s entrance. Show and Shaq have the staredown but Kane interrupts it, only to have everyone get knocked down to the floor so we can have the real showdown.

Fandango tries to dance but gets tossed by the giants. Shaq eliminates Sandow as well before it’s time for the big choke off, only to have everyone come in and eliminate Shaq and Show. The match turns into a regular battle royal now, minus all of the interest because…..well look at the lineup. Page Diamond Cuts Viktor for an easy elimination but Konor actually gets rid of the yoga guy.

Truth dumps Konor and it’s time for the Tatanka warpath. That lasts as long as you would expect it to before Corbin dumps Tatanka. Kane gets rid of Swagger and it’s time for the Social Outcasts to clean house, including eliminating Truth. Goldust follows Truth to the floor and it’s time for the BO TRAIN!

Kane quickly derails it (duh) and Corbin cuts off the other exit. Axel and Rose are quickly out but Kane chokeslams Corbin. Henry gets back in and easily throws out Slater. Breeze follows them as the ring is suddenly mostly empty. Kane and Young (now there’s a pair) eliminates Henry. Darren celebrates and gets dumped at the same time as Dallas, only to have Corbin throw Kane out for the BIG surprise win at 9:41.

Rating: D. The match sucked but Corbin winning was the perfect call. It instantly gives him a path to running up the main roster and that’s all this was supposed to be. Kane being the last man out is fine but I’m really annoyed that the battle royal has taken such a fall in the last two years. It’s now just another battle royal with lower card and midcard goons, but at least two of the first three winners have been people in need of a push.

Wrestlemania XXXIII will be in Orlando.

Here are the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders for a completely unnecessary (yet very visually appealing) dance number. Yeah it’s just an excuse to have good looking women in glorified swimsuits but here’s the Rock to spice things up. Oh wait he can’t walk through the cheerleader tunnel yet because……he’s got a flamethrower. He plays with it a bit before lighting up a big ROCK sign, which is put out a few moments later.

Rock FINALLY comes down to the ring, making sure to show off the bicep to one of the cheerleaders along the way. A mere SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES after the cheerleaders came out, Rock says his first word. Rock talks about seeing smiling faces on all four sides of the stadium, which means there are going to be a lot of Wrestlemania babies in nine months. He talks about how awesome it is to be here with the millions (which he keeps saying) before FINALLY getting to the point: announcing the new Wrestlemania attendance record. Rock says it’s about to get good…..and we’ve got Wyatts.

Seeing the fireflies in the stadium really was one of the coolest things I got to see all night and was definitely worth seeing in person. Bray introduces himself and his brothers before saying he chose Rock. See, Rock represents success, greatness and a lie. This moment doesn’t belong to the Rock or to the people but to Bray Wyatt himself. Rock looks a bit nervous but immediately starts mocking Bray for saying he would eviscerate Rock right now. “You come out here and talk like you’ve been hitting the bong for about eight days straight jack.”

Rowan’s parents are clearly related and Strowman looks like he’s been breast fed since he was 26 years old. As for Bray though, Rock has had his eye on him since Bray got to the WWE. Bray has the ability and the charisma (nice applause for that) and when his music hit, 100,000 people put their phones in the air. Then Bray said he wanted to eviscerate the Rock but that’s knocking on a door that he doesn’t want answered. Bray can say he’s the eater of worlds but Rock thinks he’s just the eater of Hot Pockets.

Rock is wrong though because Bray is here to kick a door down because he has no idea who he’s fooling with right now. There goes the shirt but Rock doesn’t think we’re going to have a Wrestlemania fight. No, we’re going to have a Wrestlemania MATCH. We’ve got a referee out here and there go the tear away pants. This is actually happening and the fans are WAY into it.

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Bell, Rock Bottom, six seconds. Well it was indeed a match and a Wrestlemania record.

The Wyatts surround the ring…..and here’s John Cena for the save. Rowan and Strowman take finishers and it’s a spinebuster into the Rock Bottom for Bray. Rock grabs a mic, says welcome back to Cena, and wraps it up after twenty eight minutes, or longer than anything all night but the Cell.

Oh and no this wasn’t a burial of the Wyatts. This was the Wyatts interacting with one of the biggest stars of all time and having him beat their lackey whose entire job is to take the fall in losses. The segment is going to set up the Wyatts turning face and maybe going somewhere for a change. Also it was Rock praising Bray, which of course buries him like it buried Rusev back in the day, before Rusev won the US Title and then beat John Cena on pay per view. You know, after crawling out of the grave that Rock put him in and all that. This was fine for the Wyatts and not a burial. Well other than being WAY too long of course.

Long recap of Roman Reigns vs. HHH, which is basically HHH wanting to hold Reigns down because Reigns didn’t want to join the Authority. This turned into a really watered down story with HHH wanting to prove that he still had it with the feud dying more and more every week. Reigns has been more aggressive lately which has made things better, but this is still just a step above a disaster coming in.

We see a bunch of men with white heads and metal plates over their faces. As in thousands of them, all standing in a huge group. Stephanie is shown in the HHH skull mask standing in front of a throne looking like a witch. She wants us to rise in their presence because we all exist to serve them. They are the leaders and the power because they own all of us. After tonight, all hope will be gone because only HHH can stand in the coliseum of the immortals. Here’s a quick translation: “WE’RE HEELS! BOO US AND NOT REIGNS!”

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

HHH comes to the ring flanked by an army of the white headed guys (all from NXT in theory), all carrying WWE Titles. Reigns is loudly booed but it’s not quite as bad as I was expecting. HHH grabs a headlock to start and slaps Reigns in the back of the head. Remember that they hate each other and keep wanting to hurt the other as much as possible.

Reigns gets sent over the top and out to the floor before HHH starts in on his arm. There’s a right hand to send HHH into the corner and Reigns throws in a crotch chop. That earns HHH a whip across the ring but he avoids a charge and hits Reigns in the back of the head. Some pretty loud spot calling sets up a knee to the back of the head, followed by a stiff punch to Roman’s face.

Reigns comes back with the running clothesline and apron boot, only to have Stephanie offer a distraction so HHH can get in a low blow. I guess it’s not enough that she takes everyone’s balls but now she’s helping get her husband some balls too. A slugout goes to Reigns but a spinebuster gives HHH two. They head outside with Reigns being rammed face first into the table and then being thrown over it for good measure.

You can hear the fans groaning at the slow pace, especially over six hours into the evening. Back in and a middle rope knee gets two for the champ but he tries again and gets punched out of the air. A Samoan drop gets two and has Stephanie panicking but HHH avoids the Superman punch by rolling to the outside. This is dragging BADLY here as HHH still can’t work an epic style match to save his life.

Reigns sends him into the steps and followed with a huge spear through the barricade. Good thing the security guards had already cleared out that part of the crowd. Reigns’ left arm is hanging as they get back inside, only to have the Superman punch countered into an armbar because this hasn’t gone long enough yet.

Reigns rolls out of another armbar and lifts HHH up into the sitout powerbomb for two as this just keeps going. HHH is right back with the cross armbreaker but Reigns counters exactly the same way. The spear is blocked and HHH tries a Pedigree, which is quickly countered with a backdrop over the top. Back in and the spear gets two as Stephanie pulls the referee out.

That means another spear but Stephanie takes it instead…..and suddenly Reigns is as popular as free beer in a frat house. I mean the place is suddenly WAY into him all for finally giving Stephanie what she had coming to her. HHH is livid and gets two off a Pedigree. The Superman punch connects but the spear eats knee. Stephanie hands him the sledgehammer but it’s another Superman punch and the spear for the title at 27:11.

Rating: D. HHH needs to stop trying to go big because he just can’t pull it off. I don’t know how else to put it but he just can’t do it. This was yet another match that didn’t fit the story in the slightest as it was more like HHH was trying to outsmart Reigns instead of beating on each other like two men out for blood. It was a boring match and a really weak way to wrap up this show. The spear to Stephanie was PERFECT though and something long overdue. I don’t need her to get beaten up every single week or anything but taking a bump every now and then isn’t going to kill her or her all important heat.

Reigns celebrates a lot.

A five minute highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. We’ll get to the elephant in the stadium later and start off by saying there’s a lot of good stuff on here. The wrestling is strong almost throughout save for the double main event with the women’s match and the ladder match standing out as very entertaining stuff. If the two big matches hadn’t been so horrible, this show would shoot up the charts.

Then there’s the booking. Oh yes then there’s the booking. From Ryder (who was clearly supposed to be Neville) winning the title after winning two matches on Raw in a year to AJ and New Day losing to Dean practically getting squashed to Sasha not winning, it was a big night for the heels with very little to cheer for. Just a bad night of decision making which seemed to be nothing more than a way to get on the fans’ nerves.

However, that leaves us with the big problem: counting the pre-show, this was just under seven hours long, or TRIPLE what Takeover: Dallas was. I get that Wrestlemania is bigger than anything all year but they went WAY too far this year. Looking back at the show, the Cell could have been cut in half, Rock’s promo could have lost five to ten minutes and the main event could have been ten minutes shorter. That’s not much but it gets you down over half an hour, which is getting closer to manageable.

That’s where the show loses it for me and for most people. If you can get this down to under six hours (counting the pre-show, which could have been chopped down too), you have a much better show. If you can fix the booking issues (which could have been mostly solved by having AJ and New Day win), this show is instantly higher up on the list of great shows.

Overall, Wrestlemania was really starting to feel like a chore near the end. You shouldn’t be sitting there thinking “we’ve got this and this left to get through and then we can leave”. At a show like this, or really any show actually, you should be excitedly waiting for the main event. However, it really doesn’t matter what that match is when it’s six hours into a show. It’s just too long and it really hurt things.

There’s a lot of good on this show and the surprises really helped it out, but in any wrestling show you can reach a point where the decisions being made outweigh anything that can go on in the ring. So many things at the show held back the good stuff and there wasn’t much of a way around that, which is why this show fell as far as it did. It’s an entertaining show, but it really needs a good shaking while someone pulls back on the booker’s reins.

Results

Zack Ryder b. Kevin Owens, Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Sami Zayn, Stardust and Sin Cara – Ryder pulled down the title

Chris Jericho b. AJ Styles – Codebreaker

League of Nations b. New Day – Brogue Kick to Woods

Brock Lesnar b. Dean Ambrose – F5 onto a pile of chairs

Charlotte b. Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks – Figure Eight to Lynch

Undertaker b. Shane McMahon – Tombstone

Baron Corbin won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal last eliminating Kane

The Rock b. Erick Rowan – Rock Bottom

Roman Reigns b. HHH – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6