Anarchy Rulz 2000 (2014 Redo): He’s Not Rob Van Dam

Anarchy Rulz 2000
Date: October 1, 2000
Location: Roy Wilkins Auditorium, Saint Paul, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

The card does seem to be a major improvement in some of ECW’s problem areas. While there’s nothing that is going to save the company in one night, this is a good step for them as Van Dam is finally doing something important again and maybe Lynn can get the major win that has eluded him for so long. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel are in the ring to open things up and Joel gets through his rhyme (sans swearing for once, this time about being with women of all races and thankfully not having 27 children) before throwing us to the opening video. More from them later.

Joey Matthews/Christian York vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

Matthews (more famous as Joey Mercury) and York (didn’t do much after this other than showing up in TNA for an uneventful run thirteen years later) are young guys who could be described as pretty boys. Matthews and Doring get things going with Doring pulling on the hair to take over. The audio is a bit off here for some reason as Joel sounds like he’s a foot away from his microphone. Doring sends Joey face first into the mat before bringing in Roadkill to a very positive reaction. Off to York who gets taken down by a running shoulder but he comes back with some armdrags.

York counters a slingshot into the corner into a bouncing legdrop, only to have Roadkill pop up and slam both guys down. Matthews and York stay on the monster but Doring gets a hot tag and helps Roadkill with a Hart Attack to Joey. Doring is sent over the top rope and comes down on his arm, followed by double suicide dives from the young guys. Back inside and a double powerbomb drops Doring, but Matthews and York turn around into the springboard clothesline from Roadkill.

Danny nails a top rope elbow but York breaks it up with a top rope legdrop. A middle rope backsplash gets two for York but Doring escapes a headlock and hits the double arm DDT. There’s the hot tag to Roadkill who cleans house and splashes both guys in the corner before the Buggy Bang (wheelbarrow slam from Roadkill/top rope Fameasser combination) for the pin on York.

Rating: C. Nice match here as the tag team division continues to heat up, and for once there’s actually something for them to go after. Roadkill would be another guy that seems ready to push on his own, especially since most of the main eventers are regular sized guys. Being able to fly like he does is only a plus.

Roadkill and Doring help up Matthews and York in a nice display of sportsmanship. Simon and Swinger come in and clean house with chairs before leaving Doring laying. That sounds like a decent feud but they need to have something to fight over.

Joel Gertner has challenged Cyrus to a match tonight. His training method is eating Lucky Charms, though he’s been trained by an unnamed wrestler.

Cyrus comes out to the ring and says he’s ready for Gertner tonight. Everyone at TNN Center says that he’s got pop (the TNN slogan at the time) and he’s going to take Gertner apart. Joey sends Gertner to the ring. “You can do it! You can do it!” Gertner is out of earshot. Joey: “He’s a dead man.” Remember that Cyrus was a wrestler and actually knows what he’s doing. Gertner gets in the ring but Cyrus says Joel has to win another match to get it.

Joel Gertner vs. EZ Money

Money is part of the Hot Commodity stable, which went nowhere. It’s comprised of Money (a cruiserweight who would be in WCW in a few months), Chris Hamrick (a southern wrestler), Julio Dinero (he bounced around wrestling companies for a few years and is probably the most successful of the team) and Elektra. Before the match though, Commissioner Little Spike Dudley comes out and says Gertner has a replacement.

Kid Kash vs. EZ Money

If Kash wins, Joel gets to fight Cyrus. Money jumps Kash before the bell but Kash comes back with some fast armdrags to send Money out to the floor. Hamrick and Dinero get nailed as well but the distraction lets Money sneak in from behind. Money picks up Kash for a suplex but lets him fall backwards and crash down to the mat for two. A charge goes badly for Money as he falls onto his partners, setting up huge springboard flip dive from Kash to take out everyone.

Back in and Money flips over the top rope into a clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock. Joel is screaming for Kash to get up with more emotion than he ever showed as the Dudleys’ manager. Money spends a bit too much time swiveling his hips and gets rolled up for two. A running tornado DDT gets the same for Kash but Money comes back with a spinning suplex neckbreaker (Electric Dreams, named after Elektra) for no cover.

Kash nails something like a Whisper in the Wind for two before they trade pinfall attempts for two each. There’s the Money Maker but Elektra distracts the referee, allowing Dinero to take Kash down. A double suplex has Kash in trouble and Hamrick adds a top rope legdrop for two. Money gets crotched on top but still manages to try a super bomb, only to have Kash reverse into a weak hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: D+. The spots weren’t bad but if you’ve seen one Kid Kash match you’ve seen the all. As usual it was obvious that Kash was going to win here as Joel vs. Cyrus was almost guaranteed. If nothing else, Hot Commodity could be a decent midcard heel stable and is far better than the Dangerous Alliance.

Post match Hot Commodity beats on Kash until Spike tries to make a save. They go after his leg and put him in a Figure Four but Sandman makes the real save. Elektra tries to seduce him but Sandman pours beer on her chest and shoves Gertner’s face onto the beer.

Joel Gertner vs. Cyrus

Joel jumps him to start before taking off his shirt to reveal Kamala (old Ugandan savage) chest paint. Cyrus trips him up and chops in the corner but Sandman spits beer in his face, allowing Gertner to get a rollup for the fluke pin. This was harmless fun.

Kash, Sandman, Gertner and Spike drink beer.

Da Baldies vs. Balls Mahoney/Chilly Willy

Willy is just a muscular guy who showed up near the end of the promotion and wrestled on pay per view a few times. There’s not much else to say about him other than he wore a hat and danced a lot. It’s a brawl to start with Da Baldies get laid out and nailed with double neckbreakers. Balls stabs DeVito in the head with a fork as Angel and Willy fight on the floor. DeVito is busted open as you would expect and a backdrop puts him into the crowd.

Balls bites at the cut and whips him through another barricade right under the announcers’ area. DeVito flips off the announcers for no apparent reason before moonsaulting off I believe a wall. Angel and Willy show up next to them with Chilly getting powerbombed on some chairs. DeVito takes Balls back to the ring for a dropkick but makes the mistake of going after his head.

Mahoney comes back with a series of punches and a superkick to the shoulder. A huge chair shot knocks DeVito senseless but Angel comes back in with the staple gun to the eye. Chilly comes back in and Da Baldies hit three straight chair shots to both of their opponents’ heads for the pin. Mahoney only sells the staple after the match is over.

Rating: D. This was your usual garbage brawl with no wrestling and an overly violent ending. Mahoney not being phased by the staple was the usual nonsense you would expect by something like this, but it doesn’t make up for how ridiculous it was, or how bad this match really was.

Lou E. Dangerously lays out Gertner with his phone. Joey goes after him and we cut to interviews.

Justin Credible says he’ll take out Jerry Lynn just like he’s done to everyone else.

Jerry Lynn says he’s tired of being a starmaker so tonight, in his hometown, he’s making himself World Champion.

Cyrus replaces Joel on commentary.

C.W. Anderson vs. Steve Corino

Winner gets a World Title shot at some point in the future, even though they’re both on pay per view losing streaks. Corino has turned face and now has Dawn Marie with him. They trade shoulders to start but Corino can’t get a neckbreaker. Instead they trade armdrags and duck punches to get us to a standoff. They chop it out with Corino getting the better of it, only to get taken down by a superkick.

Chairs are brought in and Corino gets in a quick shot to the head to take over. C.W. is busted open and a kick to the face makes things worse. We hear about a recent match where Corino almost beat Justin for the World Title which is one of the few reasons why Corino is in this spot despite his win/loss record. Anderson nails Corino with the chair to take over and bust Steve open. Anderson wedges a chair in the corner and sends Corino arm first into the steel to give him a target.

Corino tries to fight back with one arm but a hammerlock belly to back suplex gets two. Anderson stomps onto the chair onto the arm and kicks Corino in the face as the blood starts to flow. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was before but it’s coming. Steve fights back with right hands but the Old School Expulsion is countered into a suplex.

Anderson’s sleeper is broken when Corino crotches him on the chair. A Bionic Elbow and low blow have Corino in control but Simon and Swinger come out for a distraction. C.W.’s big left hand gets two and Steve’s superkick gets the same. The spinebuster is countered into the Old School Expulsion on the chair to make Corino #1 contender.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but I have no idea why I should buy Corino as a #1 contender because he’s beaten a midcard guy. Corino is good in the ring and more interesting as a face than a heel, but it’s too soon for him to be in the World Title picture. It’s a good enough match, but either Simon and Swinger are messing with everyone or they’ve forgotten that they already have a feud.

The Sinister Minister is with the Unholy Alliance and their book on witchcraft sets itself on fire.

Rhino says he wants this match with Van Dam because he wants to prove how great he is. God won’t be able to recognize Van Dam after Rhino beats his face so bad.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Unholy Alliance

The FBI (Mamaluke and Guido) are defending. They’re now all Italians, turning them from the comedy act they used to be into a fully serious group and defeating the purpose of putting them together in the face place. Both members of the Alliance (Tajiri and Mikey Whipwreck) are in white masks with red paint around the eyes. Mikey one ups Tajiri though with a hat from Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Mamaluke’s weight is given in liquid ounces.

It’s a brawl to start of course with the challengers taking over. Some hard kicks to the head have the Italians in big trouble and stereo dropkicks below the belt have the Italians reeling. Things settle down to Guido vs. Tajiri as Mikey posts Big Sal on the floor. Mamaluke gets put in the Tree of Woe for the running baseball slide from Tajiri. Sinister Minister adds some fire between Mamaluke’s legs and Guido gets kicked in the chest a lot.

Mikey hammers away on Tony but Mamaluke hits him low to take over. The Italians hit a double powerbomb out of the corner for two on Whipwreck. Guido’s middle rope Fameasser (Sicilian Slice) gets two on Mikey but he catches Tony in a wheelbarrow facebuster. Tajiri comes in and cleans house with kicks to the head, only to get caught in a German suplex from Mamaluke. Guido breaks up Mikey’s rollup with a legdrop but gets the green mist to the face.

The Whippersnapper gets two as Big Sal pulls the referee to the floor. The Minister tries to go after Sal and gets crushed against the barricade. Guido sends Mikey outside and Sal throws in a belt, only to have Tajiri take it away and pelt it at Sal. An Asai Moonsault puts Sal down again but Guido nails Mikey with a title belt, setting up a kind of double powerbomb for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. The match was so much better because it actually meant something. Just having the title back is a great feeling and now all those other matches could build up to another title match. I have no idea why Heyman waited so long to bring the belts back but it came at a good time with the tag division being deeper than it has been in years.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam

Rhino, the champion, jumps Van Dam during the introductions and they quickly go outside. Both guys are whipped into the barricade but Rhino knocks him into the fans. They brawl around the arena with Rhino in full control and sending Rob through another barricade. Back to ringside and Rob nails a quick kick to the head followed by a Van Daminator with Alfonso’s help. Rob dives over the top rope to take Rhino down again.

Back in and Van Dam skateboards the chair into Rhino’s face but a springboard is knocked out of the air with a middle rope clothesline for two. The Gore in the corner puts Rob down but Rhino stops to set up a table on the floor. A second table is thrown into the ring and set up in the corner but Rhino puts on a chinlock. Back up and Rob nails a spinning kick to the face but comes up with a bloody nose. A Van Daminator misses and Rhino pelts the chair at Van Dam’s head to make things even worse.

Rob comes up with a fireman’s carry slam into a middle rope moonsault (so much for the selling) followed by the Five Star for two. A telling sign: the fans didn’t move because they know a main event match isn’t ending that early. The Gore puts Rob down and the piledriver through the table wakes the fans up a bit. Back in and Rob nails a quick Van Daminator and loads up the Van Terminator but Justin Credible runs out for a distraction. Rob tries the Terminator anyway but Rhino pulls Alfonso in the way. A Gore through the table and a piledriver onto the chair retains Rhino’s title.

Rating: C-. This was nowhere near what it should have been for a few reasons. First and foremost, the match was a big spotfest with only a little wrestling in between. It also doesn’t help that the ending was one of the last things the fans wanted to see. Now that being said, it makes Rhino look like even more of a monster than before and in theory sets up Rob vs. Justin for the title, which should be a walkover for Van Dam. This is ECW though and by late 2000 Rob still hasn’t been World Champion, so I don’t have the highest hopes.

Rob checks on Alfonso after the match and realizes how bad he might be hurt.

We look at a lot of replays and Joey claims a fast count. That may be the case, but ECW referees always counted their pins faster than the average referee.

The announcers hype up the main event to kill more time.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible

Justin is defending and comes out in a Bret Favre Green Bay Packers jersey (big rival to the Minnesota Vikings) for the easy heat. Francine has taped up ribs. Lynn is the hometown boy and gets the reaction to go with it. They start slow and head to the mat where an armdrag frustrates Justin out to the floor for an argument with a fan. Back in and they trade chops with Lynn getting the better of it. Neither guy can hit their finisher so Jerry settles for a middle rope bulldog and a headlock.

Justin is sent to the floor again for Lynn’s big dive off the top but he might have hurt his elbow. Back in and a swinging Boss Man Slam from the champion puts both guys down again. We get a chair brought in for the drop toehold onto its back to give Justin two. A sitout powerbomb out of the corner onto the chair gets the same and the fight heads up the aisle. Justin hammers away by the barricade and it’s back inside the ring.

Lynn grabs a DDT to plant Justin on the chair for a delayed two. Credible comes back with a front facelock as the fans get on his nerves. He stops and grabs a mic to talk trash about Lynn and Minneapolis, causing the fans to throw in a bunch of beer cups. Back to the front facelock after that minute and a half were wasted. They trade near falls for two each until Justin hits that running release DDT to take over.

Lynn kicks the chair into Justin’s face to get a breather but gets sent to the apron, only to come back with a jumping leg to the back of Justin’s head, driving the champion throat first across the middle rope. A guillotine legdrop gets two for Lynn and it’s table time. Justin gets laid on the table but Francine offers a distraction to allow Justin to slam Lynn through the table. A sunset bomb out of the corner gets two for Credible but he walks into the cradle piledriver for another near fall.

That’s Incredible gives Justin two and the fans are right back into this. Credible superkicks the referee down by mistake but Lynn rolls him up. The same referee that Joey said gave a fast count on Van Dam comes in and counts two but stops and waves his finger at Lynn. A belt shot to the head gets a fast two on Lynn and the crooked referee nails Lynn in the head. That’s Incredible gets two more as New Jack comes out for the save. The crooked referee and Lynn counters That’s Incredible into a cradle tombstone for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but it has a lot of issues. Above all else, this would have meant a lot more if it came about a year and a half ago. ECW completely missed the boat on Lynn when he was on fire and now it’s a nice but mostly meaningless moment. Second, beating Justin Credible makes me wonder what took so long to get there. The guy just did not belong in the main event and everyone seemed to know it. The match itself was just ok with way more overbooking than needed, especially with the story they were trying to tell. At least Lynn will have some good matches as champion though.

The locker room empties out for Lynn to give a speech but the microphone doesn’t work. Instead everyone just stands around to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The show wasn’t the worst I’ve seen in the series but it’s certainly not a good entry either. The problem here is there’s nothing interesting going on until the ending. Almost everything here feels like it was just thrown together, which is likely true due to the impending cancellation of the show. Lynn getting the title is a good idea, but the fans still see Van Dam as the top guy, and there’s no reason he’s not at worst a former World Champion at this point. You can see that things are dying and it’s not likely to get much better.

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ECW on TNN – September 29, 2000: Last Week Tonight

ECW on TNN
Date: September 29, 2000
Location: The Icenter, Salem, New Hampshire
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

The show is on borrowed time as Monday Night Raw has debuted on the same network so this episode really doesn’t mean anything. It’s the go home show for Anarchy Rulz but at the same time it’s featuring a three way dance for the ECW World Title with Justin Credible defending against Jerry Lynn and Steve Corino. Let’s get to it.

Lou E. Dangerously cuts off the intro and says he wrote all of Joel’s material. They even made him a Dudley and now he’ll be the death of Joel Gertner. Joel goes on a rant about how he never liked Lou in any of his characters. Now Lou is the Network’s music consultant and gay jokes are made. The “fight” is on with Joel slapping him into the corner, only to have Cyrus come in for the beatdown. Joey actually makes the save and thank goodness this isn’t the WWF or we’d get a tag match.

Opening sequence.

Joey threatens violence if Lou interferes on Sunday. Egads I’m shaking in my….well I’m not wearing shoes but I wouldn’t be shaking in them even if I was.

Here’s the whole Kid Kash vs. Rhino TV Title match from last week, plus the post match brawl with Van Dam.

Rhino dreams of breaking Van Dam’s neck.

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending and we see the entrances for the second week in a row. We take a break and come back for the big match intros as they might as well just put up a test patterns for all the time they’re killing here. Justin gets double teamed to start and all three wind up on the floor. Back in and Justin puts both guys down so it’s time for a chair and some swearing.

Corino fights back as this is getting a lot less heat than you would expect. Now it’s Jerry firing off right hands onto Justin’s head to bust him open. Everyone fights into the crowd for a few seconds and all three are bleeding. There’s just nothing to talk about here and it’s getting more and more obvious every second. The referee gets bumped as Jerry hits the cradle piledriver on Justin.

Cue heel referee Danny Daniels to count two and stop, allowing Justin to hit That’s Incredible……and now the referees start fighting. Of course they do. A superkick sends Jerry into another That’s Incredible for the first elimination. Way to make the #1 contender seem important ECW. So we’re down to one on one but let’s pause for Jack Victory and Francine’s interaction which goes nowhere.

Corino chops away until Justin hits him low, allowing Francine to tape him to the top rope. As in WHERE JUSTIN CAN’T PIN HIM. Well done Francine. Justin canes him a few times for two more as the fans want Sandman. Old School Expulsion on the chair gets two more with Francine making the save so here’s Dawn Marie for the catfight. Gah JUST END THIS ALREADY! That’s Incredible retains Credible’s title.

Rating: D+. Here’s the problem: why should I care about any of these guys? Lynn is the guy who has never won anything, Corino’s big deal is that he was a comedy jobber a few months ago and Credible is as uninteresting of a champion as you can find. The brawling was fine, even though they’ve made no secret of the fact that Lynn is getting the title on Sunday, making this overbooked mess a big waste of time.

CW Anderson is looking for Steve Corino and beats up Jack Victory to set up a #1 contenders match with Steve on Sunday.

Justin says he’ll beat Jerry.

Lynn is tired of making everyone else so he’ll make himself this time.

Overall Rating: D. When you have to air last week’s match to fill in time, you’ve reached the point of cutting the cord. I know it doesn’t warrant mentioning tonight as they’ve basically canceled the program at this point but the main event is where it is because of their love affair with the TV Title. Rhino might as well be World Champion at this point and it basically left the main event a glorified midcard title match. This company is clearly ready to die and it’s getting really hard to sit through these shows.

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ECW on TNN – September 22, 2000: Dudley Do-Right Wouldn’t Stand For This

ECW on TNN
Date: September 22, 2000
Location: Hershey Centre, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

You really can see that this show is in trouble and the fact that Monday Night Raw is debuting on TNN three days after this show doesn’t make things look promising. They don’t have a major storyline at the moment other than Justin Credible defending the ECW World Title against Jerry Lynn in about two weeks on pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel are happy to be making their Canadian debut and we get to hear about Joel being maple syrup flavored. Then it’s Jerry Lynn coming out for a chat but Justin Credible interrupts in a hurry. That doesn’t go very far either as Steve Corino comes out to interrupt. Corino yells at Lynn for using his blood as body art (a fair complaint) and at Credible for cheating to retain the title. A challenge is issued to both guys but here’s Spike Dudley (still in charge despite Heyman showing up a few weeks ago) to interrupt again.

Tonight it’s going to be a three way dance for the title, which I would normally complain about but it’s not like this show has anything to build towards for the future. Spike has a guest referee in mind, only to have Rhino come out with a Gore before the anything can be announced. Cue New Jack of all people for the big garbage segment. Apparently he’s the guest referee because that makes sense. Jack hits Justin low with a vacuum cleaner and loads up the staple gun, only to have Justin and Rhino get up for the double team.

Clips of Kid Kash vs. Mikey Whipwreck from Hardcore TV with Rhino interfering and laying both guys out. That sets up the following.

TV Title: Kid Kash vs. Rhino

Kash is defending and this is joined in progress with Kash sending him outside for a dive over the barricade. So wait is this on Hardcore TV or ECW on TNN? It’s already time for a table but Kash mostly stumbles through a springboard hurricanrana before Rhino can use it. Kash springboards into a flip dive to the floor (no mats of course because they’re too hardcore for things like protecting their wrestlers) for two back inside. The table is set up in the corner and a Gore cuts Kash down. Another Gore through the table gives Rhino the title back.

Rating: D. Well that happened and now we get Rhino vs. Van Dam III for the title at the pay per view. Giving Kash the title for two weeks was fine enough, albeit not the best option when they could have put it on a bunch of different people for a more interesting result. At least it’s a rub though and that’s very important for them right now.

Post match Rhino calls out Van Dam who comes out and no sells a Gore until security breaks it up.

Chris Hamrick vs. Nova

They don’t waste time here as Elektra and Jazz get in a catfight about thirty seconds in. Nova walks into a clothesline but grabs a quick Kryptonite Crunch (White Noise) for the pin in about a minute.

Post match Chris Chetti comes in to beat on Nova and Jazz. Chetti is tired of being held back when he’s the only real athlete in that locker room. He claims to swing a chair better than anyone here so it’s time for Balls Mahoney to chase him off. Now Da Baldies come out to beat on Balls because just two run-ins aren’t enough. Let’s make it four as Chilly Willy comes in for the real save.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

FBI is defending. Guido and Doring get things going as the announcers discuss Cyrus vs. Gertner for the pay per view. We get an early standoff and Doring is livid over something. Tony comes in and the fans lose their minds over the idea of Roadkill coming in as well. It’s actually more technical wrestling until Roadkill throws Tony right into the arms of Big Sal.

Tony armdrags him down but gets his chest sat on in the eternally stupid sunset flip attempt. Guido tries his luck to about the same avail as it’s a World’s Strongest Slam and Vader Bomb elbow for two from the big man. Everything breaks down and Doring misses a big dive to the floor. Roadkill shrugs off some double teaming but Big Sal gets in a cheap shot to slow Doring down.

That advantage lasts all of ten seconds as a low blow breaks up Guido’s Kiss of Death. The hot tag brings in Roadkill for the house cleaning spot (smart given his ridiculous popularity) and everything breaks down. The Buggy Bang only gets two as Sal pulls the referee out. Roadkill gets shoved off the top through a table and it’s Doring getting splashed by Sal to retain the titles.

Rating: C. You have all those good tag teams and an effective tag team tournament but for some reason we get the rather lame FBI as the champions for reasons that aren’t clear. The problem is they’re just a basic team and that’s not enough when you have all those other options available.

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending……next week. We get all three entrances as the show ends. Oh come on with the false advertising.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s really hard to get mad at this show when there’s so little going on all the time around here. The wrestling was mostly from other shows or a way to keep the Tag Team Titles on one of the worst possible options. I was actually looking forward to that three way but nah, let’s just say it’s tonight and do it next week instead. That’s not exactly classy, no matter how bad a place they’re in at the moment.

 

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ECW on TNN – September 15, 2000: Twenty Minutes???

ECW on TNN
Date: September 15, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

I’m hoping we can wrap up the final four episodes of this show in peace instead of the wild chaos that was last week’s show. We’re getting closer to Anarchy Rulz and this week we set up the main event as Steve Corino challenges Justin Credible for the ECW World Title. That could mean anything around here so let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week’s TV Title change.

Opening sequence.

Unholy Alliance vs. Julio Dinero/EZ Money

So Fantastico is now Dinero and his team has Chris Hamrick in the corner. The Alliance would be Mikey Whipwreck/Tajiri. Mikey hurricanranas Dinero to start and the former champs start snapping off kicks to take over early on. Tajiri and Money trade standing moonsaults for two each before Tajiri just kicks Money square in the jaw. The heel trio’s (because of course they’re a heel trio) chick Elektra distracts Tajiri long enough for a low blow to take over.

It’s off to Dinero for a Samoan drop into a neckbreaker…..which is called the Jalapeno Popper. Again I say, of course it is. Mikey kicks Dinero in the head for a save and it’s Whipwreck cleaning house. Everything breaks down and Dinero gets abused in a Tree of Woe, because that spot isn’t used all the time around here. Chris Hamrick’s interference goes badly and a double brainbuster ends Dinero.

Rating: C-. Two things here. First of all, ECW goes WAY overboard naming its moves. There were probably ten moves in this match with a name, many of which were just basic moves that didn’t require one. It gets distracting, but that’s the case with a lot of things Joey does on commentary.

The second thing is how ECW’s booking screws them over. This was a mostly straight match with winners and losers. Unfortunately I spent most of the match waiting on the interference and insanity but since it never came, the match felt incomplete. That’s absolutely not on the wrestlers and the match was fine but ECW booking continues to cause problems for itself, especially when you have a regular match.

Joel Gertner makes tires/condom jokes for his weekly rhyme.

We look at the FBI winning the Tag Team Titles last week.

The Sinister Minister and the Unholy Alliance swear vengeance. Minister: “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Your souls for the ECW Tag Team Titles.” Tajiri: “This promo is OVER!”

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending but we’re not ready yet as Francine has a contract saying Jack Victory can’t be at ringside. Corino says his boy is gone before insulting Francine (whose reaction is great as always) and saying they’ve fallen into his trap. See, they’ll never be able to out heel them because his new manager is Dawn Marie.

They slug it out to start as Joey explains Corino going from a comedy guy to a World Title contender in a few months. You’re not helping yourself here chum. Corino knocks him into the crowd but gets low blowed back inside because Justin doesn’t know how to do much else. It’s already chair time with Corino going face first for two. Justin puts up a table as a platform between the ring and the barricade, only to have the girls get into it as Joel makes really stupid jokes.

Back in and Corino makes a comeback until Francine grabs his boot. The referee gets bumped (I still don’t get that spot in ECW) so here’s Loud E. Dangerously with the cell phone over the head. Cue Billy Corgan with a guitar to Lou’s head (Joel: “Corgan just smashed that pumpkin!”) and the superkick gets no count on Justin. That means it’s time for another table (for when one isn’t enough) with Corino grabbing a northern lights suplex through the wood for two.

We get the catfight for a bit before a bunch of cane shots have Steve in trouble. Of course that means blood as a big cane shot gets two. Old School Expulsion gets two as we fill in Justin’s Bingo card with “kick out of a finisher”. Corino throws in a bunch of chairs but Francine cuts him off. You would think Dawn might DO SOMETHING HERE but she just lets Francine get tombstoned. That’s Incredible on a chair retains Justin’s title.

Rating: C. The concept of making Corino look like a player worked here but giving Justin this much time isn’t the best idea. I do like the idea of a new face in the main event scene though but at some point he needs to actually win something over someone who isn’t Dusty Rhodes. Not bad or anything, assuming you can handle this much Justin Credible in a row.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s very, very clear that they were stretching stuff out (an ECW match getting nearly twenty minutes does not happen) to get an extra episode of TV out of this taping cycle. This was really just boring and waiting around until we have a pay per view main event set up. I mean, more wrestling is definitely good around here, but is there even a top story now that the Network is gone?

 

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ECW on TNN – September 8, 2000: ECW All In One

ECW on TNN
Date: September 8, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

We’re still in New York and that’s a good thing based on the atmosphere alone. It’s a double title defense week as the new Tag Team Champions Tajiri and Mikey Whipwreck will defend against the FBI while Rhino will defend the TV Title against Kid Kash. Above all else though, it’s just nice to have Tag Team Champions who can defend their titles. Let’s get to it.

Joel and Joey do their thing and Joel talks about various women he’s had in New York. Cue Cyrus to say this show is canceled, drawing a USA chant. Cyrus goes on a rant about how horrible New Yorkers are as the announcer tease fighting him. Paul Heyman runs in for a phone shot to the head, only to have Rhino come out and put Paul through a table. A fan runs in so Rhino beats up a cop. The locker room empties out for a huge brawl and the roster body surfs Kid Kash over to Rhino for the TV Title match.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Kid Kash

Rhino is defending and ignore the other twenty people in the ring. Sandman does his big entrance as everyone else gets on the floor. We FINALLY get back to the ring as Rhino has choked Kash down in the corner, leaving Sandman to cane the champ in the head over and over. Rhino Gores him out to the floor and Kash does a big flip dive onto most of the roster.

Back in and Kash gets Gored, only to have Rob Van Dam come out for a Van Daminator (with Rhino just standing there and catching the chair like a moron). A Van Terminator sets up a Five Star/guillotine legdrop combo to give Kash the title. There’s no way I’m rating this as Kash and Rhino interacted for all of thirty seconds of this “match”, a good chunk of which was spent on Sandman’s entrance and the roster getting back to its feet.

Back from a break and let’s recap the first third of the show.

On the streets of Time Square, the Sinister Minister says he hasn’t slept since 1972 and he spends all that time thinking of evil thoughts. The FBI has been cursed so Tajiri and Mikey will be ready to keep their titles. Tajiri speaks Spanish and everyone laughs.

Blue Boy vs. Balls Mahoney

Joined in progress with Balls hammering away until a back elbow slows him down. The fans are all over St. Clair here as the referee shoves Boy down. The Ball Breaker sets up the New Jersey Jam (top rope legdrop) but Balls kisses Jasmin instead of covering. I’m sure you can imagine the jokes that Joel is firing off here. A big chair shot puts Blue Boy away.

Rating: D-. This was just a way for the fans to make blue ball jokes (How did Joel not get one in?) and fill in some time. I’m sure this was entertaining for ECW fans but this show hasn’t exactly been heavy on the wrestling quality in the first place and it’s only getting worse as the show goes on.

Jasmin hits Balls with the weakest chair shots of all time so he gives her a Nutcracker Sweet.

Video on Danny Daniels (referee) costing Jerry Lynn some matches.

Da Baldies throw people out of the ECW New York bar. Angel steals a man’s prosthetic leg.

Tag Team Titles: Tajiri/Mikey Whipwreck vs. FBI

The FBI is challenging and they have to split up if they lose. Tony and Mikey get things going and the announcers go for the easy fat jokes about Big Sal. We start with a wrestling sequence and Tony grabs a short armscissors. Joey: “I haven’t seen one of those in a long time.” Joel: “Open your eyes. There’s one going on right now.” It’s off to Tajiri vs. Guido for a nice ovation as the fans are going to remember something that worked so well multiple times.

A quick strike off gives us a stalemate so it’s back to Tony. That just means a loud kick to the head before the champs flip Tony over, sending him head first into the mat. Stereo kicks to the head set up stereo STF’s to make the FBI tap, which doesn’t count for reasons unclear. Tajiri moonsaults onto all three Italians and it’s table time. Using Sal as a launch pad, Mikey dives onto Tony and Guido.

It’s all champions so far, making me almost certain that they’re losing the belts here. More chair shots to the head have the Italians reeling and something like a Conchairto makes things even worse for Guido. An Italian chair shot FINALLY slows Mikey down and the challengers are suddenly just fine because long term selling isn’t a thing in ECW.

Mikey comes right back with a tilt-a-whirl reverse powerbomb to send Tony throat first across the top rope in a sweet counter. The hot tag brings in Tajiri to clean house with a chair, followed by a Whippersnapper through a table. Sal gets blinded but is still able to hit a superkick, setting up the Kiss of Death onto a chair to give Guido the pin on Tajiri.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. The story here, if you can call it that, was basically the Italians get beaten up, then they beat up the champs for a few seconds, only to have a lot of cheating give them the belts. I’m really not a fan of this kind of match but at least there was wrestling involved instead of the usual nonsense. I mean, other than acting like Big Sal is there for anything other than comedy of course.

Overall Rating: D-. After a few weeks of ECW starting to look better, they go right back to their old standards with this mess. This was a bunch of throwing everything out the window and doing whatever they wanted in less than an hour because it gets them towards their pay per view without having to put in any of the effort. The lack of almost any wrestling for the sake of brawling doesn’t make it any better. I couldn’t stand this show and it was every bad thing ECW is known for in one show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Backlash 2002 (2016 Redo): Feel The Sleeping Power Of Hulkamania!

Backlash 2002
Date: April 21, 2002
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 12,489
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first pay per view after the Brand Split and it really is a tale of two shows at this point. Raw is absolutely horrendous at the moment with an unmotivated Undertaker vs. Steve Austin as the main feud (and the Raw main event here) for the next WWF World Title match. That would be your Smackdown main event here as HHH is defending against Hulk Hogan for reasons of pure nostalgia. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about HHH vs. Hogan with Hulk talking about how he needs the title one more time to validate his career after being away for so long. HHH says that was then and this is now, meaning it’s no longer Hogan’s time.

Cruiserweight Title: Kidman vs. Tajiri

Kidman is defending after taking the title from Tajiri a few weeks back. Tajiri also has Torrie in the geisha outfit. Standard cruiserweight style to start with an exchange of armdrags as Lawler complains about Torrie being covered up. Tajiri goes with the kicks and choking to take over, including the required chinlock. A baseball slide dropkick in the Tree of Woe makes it even worse and Tajiri starts in on the back. That means the Tarantula goes on but Tajiri can’t hit the Buzzsaw Kick.

Instead he gets two off a bridging German suplex as the crowd is already dying. A big kick to the head gets two on the champ but for some reason Tajiri tries a powerbomb. The shooting star misses and Tajiri’s Buzzsaw gets two. That actually earns a KIDMAN chant as the fans can get behind someone who keeps fighting through adversity. Tajiri loads up something off the top but gets pulled down with a sitout powerbomb. Kidman tries a powerbomb of his own but KIDMAN CAN’T POWERBOMB YOU as Tajiri mists him in the eyes for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. The back and forth action was fine but there wasn’t much heart to this one. The fans got behind Kidman for all of ten seconds before Tajiri misted him to take the title back. It’s not a bad choice for an opener but this felt like something out of WCW: give them a little time and have the fans forget about it so the real stars can take over. It’s no wonder Kidman did that “no one knows who I am” promo on Smackdown.

The APA have a very quick reunion.

Scott Hall vs. Bradshaw

Remember a month ago when Hall was fighting Austin at Wrestlemania? The NWO (as in X-Pac) is at ringside so here’s Faarooq to have Bradshaw’s back. Bradshaw punches Scott in the jaw to start and a DDT sends him outside. That means a beating from Faarooq, followed by something like a right hand to X-Pac who can barely sell that properly. Back in and Hall does his discus punch with almost no pop behind it.

An APA chant doesn’t do much for Bradshaw but he gets in a shoulder to put both guys down. We get the Bowling Shoe line from JR as Hall is stumbling around, leaving Bradshaw of all people to carry this mess. The Clothesline knocks Hall’s head off but X-Pac puts the foot on the ropes. Faarooq takes care of X-Pac, leaving Hall to hit a horrible low blow to set up a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D-. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m feeling very sorry for Bradshaw around this time. The guy is stuck taking care of the veteran star and Hall has no business being on a major show at this point. It’s very clear he doesn’t care and is just out there for a paycheck and that leaves Bradshaw in over his head (not his fault) against someone who can’t help him through the match. The result is a disaster, save for the fans being VERY excited for an APA reunion. You know, less than a month after their split.

Vince laughs at Flair for screwing up Raw so far but Ric says he’ll never be like Vince at the helm of the show. Hands are NOT shaken and this goes nowhere.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Trish is challenging and I keep forgetting how great she looked around this time. Actually hang on a second as here’s Molly Holly instead of Jazz. Molly says the Women’s Champion shouldn’t have to flaunt her body and hits Trish in the face with the mic. A whip sends Trish into the steps and here’s Jazz to get things going.

Trish is ready to go and drops Jazz throat first across the top rope. Jazz starts punching and we get some Mike Tyson comparisons. The Stratusphere puts Jazz down again but since that’s just a glorified hurricanrana, a sitout powerbomb gets two on Trish. The Stratusfaction is broken up (because it’s a bulldog) and a dragon screw legwhip sets up an STF to retain Jazz’s title.

Rating: D+. Time hurt them here but the story before the match really didn’t help. Yeah Molly did some damage but Trish tried her signature move and Jazz did the leg damage that set up the STF. Jazz really doesn’t serve much of a purpose here other than being a dragon for Trish to slay at some point in the future and that’s really not interesting. It was better than the previous match though so things are looking up.

We recap Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar, which is mainly over Paul Heyman stealing Lita’s underwear on Raw.

Heyman gives Lesnar an unnecessary pep talk.

Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar

Lita is in Jeff’s corner and this is Brock’s in ring debut. Jeff goes after him to start and is thrown outside like a fly. A high crossbody gives Jeff two and it’s time for the beating to begin. We go to the yet to be built Suplex City before some backbreakers make it even worse for Jeff.

A pair of Irish whips have Jeff reeling but he comes back with a Whisper in the Wind to put Brock down. JR calls that a rare occasion, which is technical true due to Brock having about three minutes of ring time in the WWF at this point. The Swanton only gets two and that’s about it for Jeff. Hardy gets a chair so Brock scoops him up for an F5 onto the steel. Heyman: “DON’T PIN HIM! HURT HIM!” Lesnar gives him three straight powerbombs and the referee stops it.

Rating: D+. That’s all Lesnar needed to do here though you could argue it should have been against Matt and Jeff at the same time. Heyman telling Lesnar to hurt him was the perfect line and Brock looks like an unstoppable monster. On top of it all though is Jeff’s selling as he makes you think he’s been shot every time he takes another big shot.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Edge in a rematch after Edge beat Angle in their first match. That’s not cool with Kurt so it’s time for revenge. This is a way for Edge to look great and move up the ladder and almost no one can help him better than Angle.

Kurt Angle vs. Edge

I love those big pieces of metal that swing back and forth to go with the Backlash name. You don’t see that kind of stuff enough anymore. Angle makes the mistake of charging at Edge to start and runs into some right hands. A flapjack sends Kurt outside and he’s rather upset by these circumstances.

Back in and a wicked German suplex sends Edge flying and an overhead belly to belly gets two. It’s already off to the chinlock and things slow down a bit. Edge fights back again and gets in a belly to belly of his own to buy a breather. The yet to be named Edgecution gets two on Angle but Edge takes too long on top, allowing Angle to run the corner for the superplex. That always looks great.

Some rolling Germans give Angle more near falls but Edge gets in something like a release German suplex of his own. A backdrop puts Angle on the floor again (Why is that floor so shiny?) and Edge dives down onto him for a lighter pop than I was expecting. Back in and an Angle Slam sets up a quick ankle lock but Edge rolls through for a near fall. Angle brings in a chair (Why does the referee never even try to stop that?) but walks into an Edge-o-Matic. The spear is blocked by a knee to the face and the Angle Slam gives Kurt the clean pin.

Rating: B. I know he’s run a lot of his legacy into the ground but dang Angle was good back in the day. It’s crazy to think that he had only been in the WWF about two and a half years at this point because he’s been great for so long. Edge is getting a heck of a rub out of this feud and it’s doing a lot to make him into a bigger deal. That’s such an important key to his career: they didn’t go nuts and hot shot Edge because they knew he was going to be something special. Let him season in this role and then move him up when he’s ready.

Here’s Chris Jericho who doesn’t have a match tonight. Just thirty days ago he was the WWF Champion but now he doesn’t have a match. Billy Kidman, Trish Stratus and MAVEN can get matches but he’s left off the show? JR: “What a bitter young man.” Actually what a person with a point. It’s ok though because Jericho knows he’s better than Hulk Hogan. Since he doesn’t have a match tonight, he’s out of here. Standard “hey I’m here and I’ll be back” segment.

Undertaker comes in to see Flair (and Arn Anderson) but just stares at him.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is challenging after returning recently and this is a battle of the frog splashes. Van Dam tries the kicks but gets taken down by the leg in a smart move. Rob’s shoulders in the corner don’t do much good either so he kicks Eddie down for two. It’s way too early for a splash though as Eddie crotches him down. Eddie can’t get a superplex though and Van Dam drapes him throat first across the top rope to really take over.

They head outside with Van Dam moonsaulting off the apron to set up the spinning kick to the back. Rolling Thunder is blocked, probably because it involves so much time and noise. A surfboard with Eddie bending Van Dam back into a dragon sleeper makes things even worse for the champ. That’s playing to Rob’s natural assets as most people can’t bend that way.

The Gory Stretch is countered into a sunset flip but Eddie stomps him down all over again. Eddie takes too long setting up his own frog splash so he sunset bombs Van Dam off the top for two instead. The near fall makes Eddie bring in the title and a neckbreaker onto the belt sets up the frog splash to give us a new champion.

Rating: B-. Oh yeah Eddie is back and that’s a great thing. Eddie looked awesome here and was obviously way ahead of Van Dam in the ring which had to be expected. Van Dam is always one of those guys who was there to drop the title to a better option as champion and that’s a role he played as well as anyone else. Good match here and most of that is due to Guerrero.

We recap Austin vs. Undertaker which is somehow mostly about Ric Flair. Undertaker beat Flair up at Wrestlemania so Undertaker wanted to make him miserable. Austin doesn’t like authority figures in general so Flair has made himself guest referee for this #1 contenders match.

Steve Austin vs. Undertaker

Flair is guest referee and has on red shoes that probably cost more than Nikita Koloff’s house. They start with technical stuff which means this is probably going to have a lot of time for reasons I don’t want to comprehend. A shoulder puts Austin on the floor for an early breather before doing that weird checking his watch thing.

We stop for some Austin push-ups (I don’t get it either.) before a clothesline drops Undertaker. An armdrag (???) and drop toehold (?!?) put Undertaker down into a Fujiwara armbar as we flash back to 1992 for some reason. Back up and Undertaker’s big boot takes over but we slow it down with a wristlock. Old School is broken up and Undertaker is knocked outside to finally makes this the brawl people expected to see.

Austin sends him into the announcers’ table but we have to stop for a knee brace adjustment. A slugout sends Undertaker into the crowd and here’s the NWO to help validate their contracts. Undertaker takes over again and hits the apron legdrop. It’s time to work on Austin’s leg as this is just dying. A Figure One Leglock sends Austin over to the ropes but I can’t stop looking at Flair’s stupid red shoes. Really you have two guys in all black and a referee in a striped shirt, black pants, and bright red shoes. Who let him get away with that?

A chinlock keeps Austin in trouble and a belly to back suplex gets two. In case that’s too exciting for you, here’s another chinlock and a forearm rubbed across Austin’s face. The announcers keep talking about the NWO, who haven’t done anything in the six or seven minutes they’ve been out here. Austin comes back with right hands so weak he’d criticize them on the podcast when he’s being all picky about a match but the jumping clothesline puts him down again.

Undertaker takes off a turnbuckle pad but gets whipped into it, followed by a double clothesline to put both guys down AGAIN. Geez end this nonsense already and bring Van Dam and Guerrero out here for round two. Some WHAT right hands have Undertaker in trouble but the referee, as in RIC FLAIR gets bumped off a collision. The Stunner connects but Flair is down for over thirty seconds.

Undertaker gets in a low blow and the chokeslam as Flair is on his feet after a minute. A slow two count ticks Undertaker off and a snap spinebuster gets the same for Austin. The Stunner is broken up and Flair is bumped again, leaving Undertaker to crack Austin with a chair for another slow two. Austin stomps a mudhole and grabs the chair, which is kicked into his face for the pin to make Undertaker #1 contender, despite Austin’s foot being on the rope.

Rating: D. Once we got past the point where they were obviously stalling for time, this got into the regularly not great Undertaker vs. Austin match. These two just don’t work that well together and they never have. Unfortunately this was much more about Austin than either wrestler and that’s almost never a good sign. This went on for twenty seven minutes but Van Dam and Guerrero couldn’t even get twelve. That sums up so many of Raw’s problems in one match. Oh and the NWO never did a thing and really just came out to take attention away from the match.

Austin Stuns Undertaker again.

Flair is shown the footage of Austin’s boot on the ropes and swears.

Tag Team Titles: Billy and Chuck vs. Al Snow/Maven

Snow and Eyebrows Huffman are challenging. The champs jump them at the bell as JR makes gay jokes. The fight heads to the floor and Maven whips Billy into Snow to knock him off the apron. That means nothing though as the tag brings Snow in for some right hands until Chuck punches him down.

As expected, the announcers talk about Tough Enough instead of the match. That’s closer than they usually get at least. Snow gets in a drop toehold and it’s time for wacky unintentional sexually suggestive poses. Everything breaks down again and Rico kicks Chuck by mistake. Maven’s high crossbody gets two but another Rico distraction sets up the Jungle Kick to retain the titles.

Rating: D+. This was fine for what it was as they were only supposed to bridge the gap between the main events. You’re only going to get so much out of this student/teacher team and now it’s time to go somewhere else for the title shot. Unfortunately I have no idea who gets that shot as there really isn’t a division at the moment.

We recap HHH vs. Hulk Hogan which is the big finale to the Hogan nostalgia train. Vince gave Hogan the title shot for no real reason other than Hogan is popular and there’s nothing wrong with that. What has been wrong has been the horribly dull feud with HHH being serious and Hogan being Hogan. They really don’t have a reason to hate each other and the lame attempts to build up issues haven’t worked.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. HHH

HHH is defending and the graphic still has both belts for some reason. They do the big shoving match to start so I guess HHH is Ultimate Warrior in some weird revenge for Wrestlemania XII. Now it’s the lockup as JR keeps reminding us what a physical matchup this is. Like, did you know that HHH is really strong too?

Now it’s a fight over a top wristlock and then a headlock from Hogan. It would be nice if they approached first gear any time now. Hogan loses the bandana and presumably his strength as HHH hammers away in the corner. A backdrop and clotheslines give Hogan some offense and it’s time for brawling on the floor. HHH gets the better of it as a weak chant for the champ starts up.

A catapult sets up a rollup to give Hogan two and in the only moment of this match that I remember, Hogan uses a Diamond Cutter for two more. Of all the moves Hogan can use (and by that I mean about five), a Diamond Cutter? HHH starts in on the knee and gets booed out of the ring for it. Well to be fair would you want to start another phase of this match? As expected HHH turns into Ric Flair, who always had so much success against Hogan.

We hit a leg lock for a bit until Hogan kicks off the Figure Four. It’s right back to the knee though as the boring continues with some choking from the champ. The Figure Four goes on to make this match go on even longer in some form of torture. Like really, who was putting this show together and though “Hogan should get twenty minutes! That’s the ticket!”?

The hold is turned over and broken so we hit a sleeper as JR keeps trying to push the idea that the fans are the only thing keeping Hogan alive here. Two arm drops later, Hogan starts fighting up and gets in a belly to back suplex so he can have another rest. A running ax handle (Holy Japan!) sets up the big boot but here’s Jericho (duh) to take out the referee.

Jericho hits a loud chair shot to Hogan’s head but HHH would rather beat on Jericho instead of covering. It’s Hulk Up time and Hogan does the usual, only to miss the legdrop. There’s a Pedigree but here’s Undertaker to take out the referee. A chair to HHH’s head looks to finish but we get ANOTHER Hulk Up so Hogan can beat on Undertaker. With the big man dispatched, Hogan drops the leg to get the title back.

Rating: D-. While not as bad as some of Hogan’s WCW stuff (Mainly because of HHH. Ok all because of HHH.), this was REALLY boring as it went on probably ten minutes longer than it should have. Hogan is pure nostalgia and everyone in the company (save for him of course) knows it but for some reason we’re stuck watching him go out there for the better part of half an hour like he’s done…..maybe twice ever? Oh and well done on having HHH’s big title run last about a month. I’m so glad we spent months building that up for this kind of a reign.

A bloody HHH shakes Hogan’s hand so posing can take us out. Ignore the belt being nowhere in sight.

Overall Rating: D. There’s only so much you can do to get past the double main event. Angle vs. Edge and Van Dam vs. Guerrero are both good but they don’t combine to go as long as Austin vs. Undertaker. The rest of the show isn’t great either and there’s nothing worth going out of your way to see, save for maybe Angle vs. Edge. They really need a breath of fresh air on top and Hogan going out there and resting for more than half of an already too long match isn’t going to do it. There’s good stuff down the card but there’s no way around that double main event.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


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Smackdown – April 18, 2002: The Hogan Problem

Smackdown
Date: April 18, 2002
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Backlash and since this is Smackdown, we have a tag team main event which doesn’t have a lot to do with the pay per view. In this case it’s HHH/Hulk Hogan vs. Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle as Jericho doesn’t actually have a match on Sunday. Then again I’m not sure who he could fight save for Rock, who wasn’t around last week and probably won’t be again this week. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Billy and Chuck/Albert vs. Maven/Al Snow/Rikishi

Chuck punches Snow in the face to start in what is probably his best offensive move. Something close to a low blow has Chuck in trouble so it’s off to Maven for his really bad offense. We hit the armbar on Chuck as Tazz argues that he was Maven’s real trainer. I’d be careful bragging about that buddy. Albert comes in and throws Al around but Snow finds a way around Billy’s amazing offense and brings in Rikishi, who is suddenly an offensive juggernaut.

Rico comes in and is almost caught in a Stinkface (along with Chuck) but Albert makes the save. We get the big slam spot that isn’t as impressive as WWE would like us to be. The hot tag gives us Maven for some reason as everything breaks down. Rico kicks Snow down but Maven comes off the top with a high cross body for the pin on Chuck to set up Sunday’s title match.

Rating: C+. I think we’ve found the winner for biggest surprise of the night as this was actually good. Maven is still hard to take seriously with his dropkick and crossbody offense but giving him the pin was the best idea after Snow won last week. Albert vs. Rikishi is just a thing that exists but I’ve seen worse. Nice choice for an opener here.

Stacy Keibler, looking very good in blue, bends over just as Hulk Hogan opens his door. Vince wants to see Hogan right now so Hulk follows her with his eyes clearly panning down.

Kidman and Hurricane make fun of Planet Stasiak but Kidman says no one knows who he is. Hurricane has an idea: CHEAP POPS! So now the writers are making fun of the fact that no one cares about the Cruiserweight Title? I mean, no one does but still.

Hogan comes in to see Vince but Stacy finds Hulk a bit too attractive and gets sent away. Vince thinks he’s experienced this feeling of fan support for Hogan before. Back in 1984, nothing could stop this kind of momentum but it’s not going to be enough on Sunday. Naturally this takes WAY longer than it should.

Chavo Guerrero Jr./Tajiri vs. Kidman/Hurricane

Kidman armdrags Chavo to dead silence to get us going. A headscissors and dropkick do a bit better but it’s off to Hurricane and you can hear the crowd wake up. Tajiri walks into a headlock before hitting a perfect looking superkick to drop Hurricane. The announcers completely ignore the match to talk about Vince and Hogan’s issues despite Vince having very little to do with Hogan at the moment.

Kidman takes a quick beating before it’s back to Hurricane for a jumping clothesline. Everything breaks down and Chavo sends Hurricane to the floor, only to have Tajiri come back in with a high crossbody for two. Tazz: “What is going on in this match?” It’s almost like he doesn’t pay attention. A big kick to the head gives Tajiri the pin on Hurricane.

Rating: B-. If there’s one thing that drives me crazier than the announcers not paying attention, it’s the announcers acknowledging that they’re not paying attention. It’s a nothing match but I miss the days of Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura where the match going on in front of them was the most important thing in the world. You can plug other stuff but don’t laugh off the fact that you have no idea what’s going on in front of you.

Post match Tajiri kicks Kidman in the head and yells at Torrie in Japanese.

We look back at Test trying to hurt Mark Henry during last week’s feat of strength.

Here’s Mark to lift a car off the ground. Wrestlers take bets and Test doesn’t buy that this is real. He can’t lift it but Mark can, only to have Test cheat on the bets and beat Faarooq up.

Hulk Hogan comes out to talk about how people think he’s crazy for trying this one more time. He believes that he can do it one more time because, as Vince says, perception is reality. Hogan used to take the title for granted and now he wants to just be champion one more time. We get the big Hulking Up line but here’s Chris Jericho to interrupt.

Jericho goes on for a LONG time about how old Hogan is and about how HHH stole the title from him. Ever since he got back, Hogan has only had one singles match and he lost. True actually but ignore that part of course. Hogan finally tells him to shut up and come fight so here’s Kurt Angle to help him out. Edge comes out for the save to finally end this.

Here’s the problem: the fans absolutely love to cheer Hogan’s comeback and old nostalgia stuff because Hogan can still do it well enough to make the schtick work. The problem is that only works during the matches. In between them, Hogan has almost nothing to talk about other than how he wants to be a star one more time. That lost its steam about two days after Wrestlemania and it’s getting close to impossible to sit through, especially when he talks for ten minutes a week.

Vince throws Edge out but Edge things it’s Vince being afraid of what’s going to happen to Angle on Sunday. Edge leaves and Stacy comes up to offer her, ahem, services to calm Vince down. Vince wants HHH instead.

Test vs. Faarooq

Faarooq goes right after him but makes the mistake of sliding in, allowing Test to take over. Faarooq’s comeback goes nowhere and Test rolls him up with his feet on the ropes for two. The pumphandle slam doesn’t work so Faarooq avoids a charge and grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes for the pin.

Test kicks Faarooq in the face.

Stacy goes to get HHH but is distracted when he takes off the shirt. She finally gets the line out but HHH says she can’t make him come just by telling him to.

Hardcore Holly wants to beat Page up because he likes destroying positivity. Page comes in and smiles but says the anger is ticking him off.

HHH comes in to see Vince so Stacy is quickly sent out. Vince asks if HHH is ready to “dampen the fires of the greatest fire in sports entertainment.” If HHH loses, he’s on Smackdown. Now THAT’S a punishment.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Hardcore Holly

Page starts fast with a clothesline and neckbreaker before hammering away in the corner. Holly gets in a hard clothesline of his own, only to get crotched on top. A superplex brings them down but Page lands on his head, injuring his neck in the process. Thankfully Page is able to walk and tries the Diamond Cutter but Holly shoves him away and hits the dropkick for the pin. According to Holly’s book, the ending was originally going to be the Alabama Slam but Page asked for it to be changed due to Page having some injuries. For some reason this was considered rude and Holly was punished as a result.

Page has to fight Holly off and gets in a quick Diamond Cutter. That’s it for Page in the WWF and really it’s for the best. Page never quite fit in the WWF but that’s to be expected when a lot of his WCW appeal came from fans watching him rise up the card. That and signing at 45 years old. He had a nice little run though and that’s more than a lot of people get.

Angle and Jericho are in the back and Kurt gets annoyed at Jericho saying Angle would suck the life out of Hogan. Kurt is so mad that he keeps leaving and coming back to yell more.

Here’s Reverend D-Von to say Vince is a prophet and go on like your standard enthusiastic preacher. He even takes up a collection and the fans give him a nice wad of cash.

Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Hulk Hogan

HHH and Angle start with the champ hammering away, just in case you didn’t realize HHH is better than Kurt. That doesn’t go anywhere so it’s off to Hogan for a change. Jericho comes in and tries a posedown before Angle comes in for the double teaming. Two simple villains are no match for Hogan of course so it’s HHH coming in to help stomp Jericho in the corner.

A catapult sends Jericho into Angle and a spinebuster gets two. For some reason the good guys get in an argument, allowing Jericho to hit HHH low and finally take over. We hit the sleeper because that’s going to get the fans to care. As usual, Hogan is awesome at playing cheerleader on the apron, which really is something so many people miss. Watch someone like Hogan or Cena when they’re on the apron in a tag match. They’re almost always doing something, even if it’s just slapping the turnbuckle. The energy helps a match so much.

Angle misses a charge into the post and the tag brings in Hogan for the 1986 offense. Jericho breaks up the legdrop and grabs a chair but stops to throw the referee out. HHH gets up but Jericho breaks up a Pedigree. Dang Kurt is going to owe him forever now. Hogan comes back and takes the chair away, setting up the chair shot to HHH’s head that everyone saw coming. Edge comes in to save Hogan (again) and the match is a no contest.

Rating: D+. Just angle advancement here and that’s fine. I still have no idea why Jericho doesn’t have a match on the pay per view when he’s in such a featured role on this show. Hogan vs. HHH can’t end fast enough and these matches aren’t making me want to see them fight on Sunday. The wrestling, which means HHH and Hogan making it clear that they’re miles ahead of their opponents, was watchable enough if you can ignore the boring stories.

Edge fights Jericho and Angle off, leaving HHH to chair Hogan to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I know the show wasn’t great but this was so far and away better than Raw. Maybe it’s the younger talent around here or maybe it’s the lack of thirty second matches but this is easily more entertaining. There’s still a lot of bad stuff here though as they need to get rid of Hogan as fast as they can. It’s really not working at the moment and that’s only going to get worse as time goes on. This was a completely watchable show though and that puts it leaps and bounds above Raw.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Lucha Underground – September 14, 2016: Lucha Boom

Lucha Underground
Date: September 14, 2016
Location: Lucha Underground Temple, Boyle Heights, California
Commentators: Matt Striker, Vampiro

Tonight is about focusing on a midcard story for a change with a main event of Killshot vs. Marty the Moth Martinez in a Weapons of Mass Destruction match. It’s quite different to see a match at that level getting such attention but things don’t always work like normal here in Lucha Underground. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap focuses on Dario Cueto returning to the Temple, Famous B. vs. Mascarita Sagrada and Martinez vs. Killshot.

We look back at the cops trying to arrest Cueto and realizing that he’s more than just a regular street thug. Captain Vazquez (Castro’s boss) tells him to see the bigger picture because there’s a war coming.

Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Mascarita Sagrada

Famous B., now with his phone number on his tie, handles Wagner’s introduction. Sagrada tries a waistlock but gets hit with a Doctor Driver for the pin at 53 seconds. I’m very glad that Wagner wasn’t just a one off appearance at Ultima Lucha II.

We go back millenia in time (somehow that works around here) and see a dying father giving a young girl an amulet which only works on females. Once she puts it on, she will never die. All that matters is fighting the coming war and then the father dies.

In present day, Captain Vazquez is seen looking at half of the amulet when Cortez comes in to see her. She suspends him and says to stop worrying about Cueto because there are more important things to worry about.

Argenis vs. Mil Muertes

Argenis tries some right hands to start and is quickly powerbombed. A chop and moonsault actually give Argenis a one count but the Flatliner gives Muertes the pin at 1:34.

Catrina gives Argenis the Lick of Death but here’s Prince Puma to springboard in and take out Muertes with some dropkicks. So Puma is listening to Vampiro, as he probably should.

Joey Ryan comes in to see Dario and admits that he’s an undercover cop who knows Dario killed Cisco. He gets right to the chase: Joey wants to be on the right side of the war, unlike Castro, who Joey outs as a fellow cop. Dario gives him some money to pay child support.

Castro tells Vazquez he wants to be on her side in the war. He leaves and she looks at the amulet.

Marty Martinez vs. Killshot

Weapons of Mass Destruction match with Killshot attacking in the aisle. They head to the balcony which is covered in sandbags as the arena has a military theme. Marty is thrown over the announcers’ table to draw a THIS IS AWESOME chant. The bloody Martinez throws Melissa Santos at Killshot for a breather before hammering him into the crowd. Killshot fights back so Marty bails to the floor, only to have Killshot dive off the balcony to take him down.

Marty stops to set up some tables but opts to suplex Killshot onto the apron. This has been the kind of violent brawl it should have been so far. We get a ladder bridged between the ring and the barricade but Killshot throws a blanket over Marty and kicks him down. Another ladder is dragged inside as Striker makes military analogies. A spinebuster puts Killshot down onto a big crate and a superplex onto the same crate makes things even worse.

Somehow Killshot pops and hits a Death Valley Driver onto the ladder, followed by a top rope double stomp for our first near fall. It adds so much when they don’t do those every thirty seconds. Marty is fine enough to powerbomb Killshot over the top and through two tables at ringside for a really sick looking crash. That’s only good for two though and Killshot grabs a quick Killdriver for two. Marty laughs because he’s not all there.

Since two ladders aren’t enough, here’s a mega ladder to make it even worse. The ladder is set in the middle of the ring and there’s a table at either side. Both guys head up the ladder but here’s Mariposa to go after Killshot, only to have him knock her down through a table. With no one left to make a save, Killshot grabs Marty low and steals the dog tags back. A HUGE double stomp drives Marty through the other table and gives Killshot the pin at 22:33.

Rating: B+. Sometimes you just need to crank up the violence and let two guys beat the heck out of each other for a long time. This is the biggest win of Killshot’s career and he’s ready to move on to something more important. The blood on Marty’s face was a great visual and both guys looked awesome throughout. It’s a perfect way to blow off a feud like this and Marty can keep being creepy with someone else.

Muertes is beating up a helpless locker when Catrina comes in. Mil wants Puma, and I know this because he shouts I WANT PUMA. Catrina says patience is a virtue and she’s been waiting hundreds of years for something. She holds up the other half of the amulet to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This show did a lot of good about moving the stories forward. You can see the major story being set up and tonight was about moving a bunch of pieces around a chess board. Lucha Underground is a rare company where the stories are so different than what you see in the ring as there’s a whole other world outside of the arena. It’s hard to say where this is going but there’s potential to have a lot of fun.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Ring of Honor TV – September 14, 2016: Building With Japan

Ring of Honor
Date: September 14, 2016
Location: Sam’s Town Hotel and Gambling Hall, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Kevin Kelly

All-Star Extravaganza is in a few weeks and we only know a few matches so far. These monthly pay per views are really hard to book when Ring of Honor has so many stand alone TV episodes just after the pay per views as they’re basically booking a huge show in just a few weeks. Hopefully this makes things a bit better. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s Bullet Club segment and Jay Lethal interrupting to set up a six man tag with Los Ingobernables de Japan backing him up.

Opening sequence.

Bullet Club vs. Jay Lethal/Los Ingobernables de Japan

That would be Adam Cole/Hangman Page/Yujiro Takahashi vs. Lethal/Tetsuya Naito/Evil. Takahashi and Evil get things going here with Evil easily taking him down. That means it’s off to Cole vs. Lethal with Adam bailing out to the floor as we take an early break. Back with Naito sending Page to the floor and doing his signature take it easy pose. We get more Cole vs. Lethal and yet again Adam tags out to Takahashi.

The fast tagging continues as Naito comes back in, only to get jumped from behind by Cole. A blind tag allows Lethal to finally get his hands on Cole and the brawl is on until a double right hand puts both guys down. Naito gets annoyed at Lethal’s attempt at a tag so Los Ingobernables both walk out. That means another break and we come back to Lethal in real trouble thanks to the triple teaming.

Cue Michael Elgin to get in Lethal’s corner and Nigel says it’s all cool (thank you for actually having the boss approve something). House is quickly cleaned with Elgin powerslamming Page and Takahashi at the same time (that’s not normal) to take over. More triple teaming has Elgin in trouble so here’s Kyle O’Reilly to really make this a six man tag again.

The tag brings in Kyle to slug it out with Adam until a brainbuster gets two on a champ. We take a ridiculous third break and come back with Kyle’s rebound lariat taking out Page and Takahashi. Kyle and Adam strike it out again until a low superkick from Cole puts both guys down. The double tag brings in Lethal and Takahashi and a quick Lethal Injection ends Yujiro at 19:20.

Rating: C+. This was more than I was going to like as they threw in so much stuff that it was hard to focus on anything. Elgin isn’t much of a title challenger as Kyle is pretty clearly the real contender to Cole’s title. Kyle needs a big win to get him into the title picture though and I’m not sure who they could put in that place.

Bobby Fish is ready for Katsuyori Shibata, who is getting a title shot because he’s from New Japan and that’s important.

Addiction is ready for Ladder War.

Lethal is still by the ring (nice of him to wait through all the taped material) and says he wants revenge on Naito. That earns him a match at All Star Extravaganza, though Nigel points out that Lethal’s last request cost him the title. The match makes sense as you have to completely confirm Lethal’s face turn.

TV Title: Bobby Fish vs. Katsuyori Shibata

Fish is defending and Shibata’s Never Openweight Title isn’t on the line. The threat of an early Penalty Kick sends Fish into the ropes as the fans are almost all behind Shibata. We get a Figure Four on the champ and the turn escape isn’t working for Bobby. A rope break gets him out of the hold and sends us to an early break. Back with Shibata’s knee in trouble and Fish getting two off a snap suplex.

We hit the chinlock and here’s Prince Nana for commentary as his client is #1 contender to the title. Fish starts in with the kicks to the chest but Shibata tells him to bring it on. Shibata wins a slugout and hits a running dropkick in the corner. It’s off to a rear naked choke on Fish but he reverses into the heel hook.

Shibata gets in a leglock of his own at the same time so both guys are in trouble. They roll into the ropes and we take another break. Back from a late break with Shibata using fighting spirit (Nigel’s words) to get in a German suplex. Another slugout goes to Shibata with an STO getting a one. Armbars don’t go anywhere so Shibata gets in a triangle, only to have Fish roll him up to retain at 16:33.

Rating: C+. I still don’t get the appeal of Shibata but that’s probably a Ring of Honor thing as I’m sure he’s different here than he is over in Japan. I’m fine with the one off match here as that’s the idea behind the TV Title, even though it’s basically treated as a regular midcard title most of the time.

Fish and Shibata go nose to nose to set up their rematch in Japan.

Nigel tells us that Steve Corino is back on commentary next week.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a good enough way to set up All-Star Extravaganza, which still doesn’t feel like an important show. At least the card is starting to fill in and they can put in more Six Man Title tournament matches to really pad things out. The wrestling was fine here if a bit uninspired but we got a big match set up and some build towards a few other matches so this did its job.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


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Raw and Smackdown 2014 Reviews E-Book

I’m thinking you should get it.

https://www.amazon.com/Complete-2014-Smackdown-Reviews-Part-ebook/dp/B01LY6766K/

And my other stuff too.

https://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6