Monday Night Raw
Date: August 15, 2016
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

It’s Summerslam week and Brock Lesnar is here. On top of that things should be back to normal with the full roster back after their Australia/New Zealand tour last week. We should get one last push on all of the big matches, including Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor for the first ever Universal Title. Let’s get to it.

Last week on Raw, Roman Reigns sent Lana into a cake and Seth Rollins didn’t think much of Finn Balor.

Earlier today Rollins was outside waiting for his opponent Finn Balor, or the Demon King. He calls him out for a fight right then and there but no one showed up. Tonight he’ll find Balor instead.

Lana and Rusev are in the ring with Lana saying they’re not leaving the ring until everyone hears what they have to say. There will be no Raw until Reigns comes out here and apologizes. Instead he gets Mick Foley, now in a Have A Nice Raw shirt and with a beard that has its own zip code. Rusev yells a lot and says Foley sucks as a GM. He asks for Stephanie McMahon to come out here instead so here’s the bigger boss to stick up for Foley.

Rusev threatens to call Vince or Shane but here’s Roman to interrupt as well. They insult each other a bit (as heels and faces do) and a USA chant starts up, which is exactly what they were shooting for here. Rusev wants to defend Lana’s honor so Mick makes the match tonight, albeit not for the title.

Sheamus vs. Sami Zayn

Before the match, Sheamus gets some promo time saying Sami is nothing to him because Sami talks a lot on Twitter but he’s just a Sheamus knockoff. Sami throws his shirt at Sheamus and they’re quickly brawling before the bell. Cesaro sits in on commentary as Sami forearms Sheamus in the corner. A headscissors only ticks Sheamus off and he sends Sami back first into the post as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus in control, as a heel should be when you come back from a break. A powerslam gets two on Sami as Cesaro talks about having an offer to go to Smackdown, which a talent like himself deserves. The ten forearms to the chest have Sami in trouble but he knocks Cesaro outside for the big flip dive.

Corey gets on Cesaro for talking about himself a lot and Cesaro brushes him off in a rather heelish manner. White Noise gets two for Sheamus and a Blue Thunder Bomb (Not Michinoku Driver Cole. Even Saxton can get that name right.) gets the same. Sheamus comes back with the Irish Curse but here’s Cesaro for a distraction, setting up the Helluva Kick for the pin on Sheamus at 10:14.

Rating: B-. They were sticking with the basics here but these two doing the basics means a good match. Cesaro teasing the heel turn on commentary is interesting, though I have little reason to believe WWE isn’t going to botch this as well. What’s not interesting is Cesaro vs. Sheamus all over again after Cesaro beat him twice in a row in recent weeks. There’s no logical reason to do the match again but that’s what we’re likely going to get anyway because that’s that we’re stuck with.

Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens say tonight’s match between Owens and Big Cass isn’t one on one because Jericho will have Kevin’s back. Jericho wants to know who certified Enzo as a G. Does he even have a license to be a G? They’re ready for their tag match at Summerslam too and tell Todd/Robert/Brian/Nathaniel so, despite the interviewer being named Tom. Now that was funny.

Post break Cesaro and Sheamus are brawling again when Foley comes in to break it up. Mick loves seeing them fight so we’re getting a best of seven series. AFTER CESARO HAS ALREADY BEATEN HIM TWICE. Egads this booking makes my head hurt.

Dudley Boyz vs. New Day

Non-title and there’s no Big E. at ringside. Before the match, Gallows and Anderson pop up on screen to say they’re trying to cure Ringpostitis. They’re doing everything they can to make sure their results aren’t tainted, including putting eggs in microwaves. They’re well endowed with the right equipment and the ball is in their court. The distraction lets D-Von take over on Woods to start but D-Von clotheslines Bubba by mistake. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on D-Von for the pin at 1:38.

Post match the doctors’ experiment was a failure and they need more test subjects. Kofi wants to know why these two think this is a game. Summerslam is their anniversary of being champions and there’s no way Anderson and Gallows are getting their hands on New Day’s rocks.

Rollins is still looking for Balor but no one has seen him. This includes Neville, who says Rollins isn’t ready for the Demon King. Seth yells a lot.

Nia Jax vs. Rachel Weaby

Rachel has blue hair, bright green and pink attire and a lot of tattoos. She’s been watching the Olympics and is ready to bring home the gold. Nia throws her around and knocks her off the top with a single shot to the face. Rachel is out cold but Nia brings her back in for the fireman’s carry into a powerslam for the pin at 1:05.

Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for their big talk before Summerslam. We see Orton and Lesnar trading sneak attacks in recent weeks. Heyman starts his catchphrase….and here’s Heath Slater to interrupt. Paul hopes that someone put Heath up to this because it’s really stupid.

All Heyman can do is laugh as Slater talks about Raw understanding what Smackdown can’t get. Apparently if Slater fights Lesnar tonight, he gets a job. Heyman just ignores him and goes into his promo about Orton but Slater cuts them off again. Heath knows he’s going to get hurt very badly but he has to do this for his kids. Brock actually talks because he can respect Slater fighting for his family. He actually wants to talk about Slater’s kids….who he doesn’t give a censored about.

Slater can walk out of here on his own two feet or stand here and keep ticking Brock off. Heath actually tries to fight and gets suplexed half to death, followed by the F5. Heyman puts on Heath’s sunglasses and praises his courage before laughing at the idea of Orton being a viper. It’s his job to hype up the match on Sunday but Lesnar won’t believe a word Brock says about Orton being a real threat. Brock is the box office at Summerslam and you should buy it to see a once in a lifetime athlete. This FINALLY wraps up with Heyman saying Brock is dominant.

That’s the problem with how Brock has been booked over the last year: if no one, including the reigning WWE World Champion, why in the world would I want to see him fight again? We know the ending because Brock can’t be touched so it gets a little boring. Like Heyman’s speech here, which just kept going and going as Heyman said the same thing he’s said for over a year.

Big Cass vs. Kevin Owens

Before the match, Enzo talks about cooking zucchinis, sausage, burgers, frankfurters and those two pieces of Canadian bacon. Cass shoulders Owens down to start but Kevin knocks him off the apron and into the post as we take a break. Back with Cass breaking up the Cannonball with a boot to the face but getting sent outside again. Owens can’t hit the apron powerbomb and gets backdropped, only to have Jericho jump Cass for the DQ at 6:23. Not enough to rate but Cass looked competitive here and that’s all he needed to do.

Enzo and Cass get beaten down post match.

Reigns is ready to fight no matter what Rusev has ready for him. Rusev jumps him from behind and sends Reigns into a steel wall.

Prime Time Players vs. Shining Stars

Yes they were feuding just a week ago but earlier tonight Titus apologized so they’re back together for a third run. Darren and Epico get things going before it’s quickly off to Titus for a slam. Primo comes in and dropkicks Titus in the knee to take over, only to have Titus splash him in the corner. We get Titus suplexing Darren onto Primo for two but Bob Backlund accidentally distracts Titus, who is knocked off the apron by Darren. The Clash of the Titus plants Young and Primo gets the pin at 2:42.

Jinder Mahal vs. Neville

Neville dropkicks him outside and hits a corkscrew moonsault to the floor. The Red Arrow doesn’t work yet and Mahal kicks him in the face for two. A chinlock goes nowhere and Neville kicks him in the head to set up the Red Arrow for the pin at 2:57.

The bosses casually mention that Jon Stewart will be at Summerslam when Rollins comes in to find the Demon King. Mick suggests that he try it in the ring.

Here’s Rollins to call out Balor and give him one more chance to show himself tonight. No one shows up so Rollins laughs it off and calls this match just another chapter in his book. He’s the face of Balor’s failure but something we can’t see (maybe a fan jumping the barricade) cuts Seth off. Seth keeps laughing and the lights start flickering and go out. Red lights flash and here’s Demon Balor for the first time in WWE.

The fans are getting into the arms pose now and that’s a very good sign. Rollins has no idea what to think of this and Balor, now with writing all over the right side of his body, gets in his face. The fight is on and Balor cleans house as he should in this case. Balor misses the Coup de Grace but hits a flip dive over the top to take Rollins down. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of them having Demon Balor show up here. This match needs some buzz and this is going to do it.

We look back at Lana being sent into the cake last week.

Golden Truth vs. Gallows and Anderson

Gallows and Anderson are in their doctors’ coats. Truth gets kicked in the face to start but gets in the spinning forearm for a breather. It’s a double tag to Goldust and Anderson with Goldust hitting his bulldog and powerslam. Not that it matters as the Magic Killer ends Goldust at 2:18.

New Day comes in for the beatdown post match and it’s Gallows saving Anderson from a trombone to the testicles.

Charlotte talks down to Dana Brooke about wanting a taste of the spotlight. Dana failed her when it mattered the most but Charlotte will win the title anyway. Charlotte leaves Dana in tears.

Alicia Fox vs. Charlotte

Sasha Banks is on commentary. Fox hits some dropkicks to start but gets pulled off the middle rope for two. Natural Selection ends Fox at 1:25.

Charlotte calls Sasha to the ring but Dana takes out Sasha’s knee, setting up the Figure Eight.

Video on Braun Strowman.

Roman Reigns vs. Rusev

Non-title. Roman goes right at him before the bell and kicks Rusev in the face. The apron boot makes it even worse for Rusev but he posts Reigns as we go to a break. We’re joined in progress with Rusev working on Reigns’ bad left arm. Reigns gets choked on the ropes but comes back with a Samoan Drop for a breather. They head outside with Reigns being sent into the steps a few times but Rusev has the US Title taken away from him as we take another break.

Back with Rusev grabbing the mic and saying we’re all Russian wannabes. Rusev chokes Roman with his own ring gear, which isn’t a DQ for reasons that aren’t clear. Roman fights out and knocks Rusev off the top to set up a clothesline to put both guys down. The Superman Punch is countered and Rusev gets two off the spinwheel kick. Four straight middle rope headbutts get four straight near falls for Rusev.

The fifth finally misses and Reigns starts fighting back until a shot to the ribs slows him down. Rusev’s superkick is countered with a Superman Punch for a good near fall. The spear is countered with a few kicks to the head for two more but the Accolade is broken up as well. Another superkick to the back sets up the Accolade until Reigns basically collapses into the ropes. Back up and the spear pins Rusev at 20:39.

Rating: B. It was a solid match with both guys knowing how to do the power stuff but after seeing these two fight each other probably half a dozen times over the last year, I really don’t need to see them fight for thirty minutes on Raw and then watch them in a big pay per view match at Summerslam. Then again I don’t want to see Sheamus vs. Cesaro in four more matches (it’ll be seven) after seeing Cesaro pin Sheamus twice already. At least this was good, but I’m not wild on seeing a champion get pinned clean to set up the title match.

Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one and a lot of that is due to how they’re booking things anymore. Now I really like the idea of the short, squash matches but you can mix things up a little more than that. Maybe have some of these matches go six to seven minutes instead of having six of them go under three.

The bigger problem here is that, aside from Balor vs. Rollins, I don’t care to see any of Sunday’s matches more than I did coming into tonight. How many of these people won’t be appearing on Sunday’s show anyway? Sami, Strowman, Nia Jax, and Neville aren’t likely to be at Summerslam but they get time (albeit very limited time) here because they need to fill in time. I’m hoping they get this stuff fixed soon because they really don’t know how to put a three hour show together at this point.

Results

Sami Zayn b. Sheamus – Brogue Kick

New Day b. Dudley Boyz – Trouble in Paradise to D-Von

Nia Jax b. Rachel Weaby – Fireman’s carry into a powerslam

Big Cass b. Kevin Owens via DQ when Chris Jericho interfered

Shining Stars b. Prime Time Players – Primo pinned Young after a Clash of the Titus from O’Neil

Neville b. Jinder Mahal – Red Arrow

Gallows and Anderson b. Goldust Truth – Magic Killer to Goldust

Charlotte b. Alicia Fox – Natural Selection

Roman Reigns b. Rusev – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN
Date: June 23, 2000
Location: O’Neill Center, Danbury, Connecticut
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

We’re running out of time before Heat Wave and maybe they could actually bother to start setting things up this week. Or maybe even advancing some stories for a change. Instead, I’d assume we’ll be getting more Network vs. ECW because that’s the only story they know how to tell anymore. By tell I mean repeat over and over. Let’s get to it.

Rob Van Dam and Fonzie are excited about heading to Los Angeles for Heat Wave.

Earlier tonight, New Jack climbed a ladder to get into the rafters and dove onto someone not important enough to name and drive him through a table. Ah apparently it was Chris Hamrick, which I had to find online. Thanks for taking that big of a bump Chris.

New Jack is ready to go to LA as well because he wants to show us his hometown. He can’t wait to get violent in his old stomping grounds.

Opening sequence.

Cyrus is in the arena to yell at Joey because there isn’t going to be ECW on TNN tonight. See, there can’t be a show because there’s no color commentator because Joel is still in the hospital. Joey isn’t going to get to put himself over tonight and has ten seconds to produce a commentator or there’s no show.

Cue Gertner to chase off Cyrus again but Cyrus runs into Francine. After complimenting her cleavage, he thinks it’s time for her to take care of him by beating Gertner up in exchange for saving Justin Credible’s title last week. Francine gets inside and rips Joey for being a Catholic (seriously) and having his wife in the crowd.

It’s Joel’s turn now but he brings out Tommy Dreamer to do his fighting for him. The announcers bail and Francine starts begging off because Justin isn’t here tonight. Sexual favors are offered if he’ll break his silence since Cyberslam. Nothing is said so Francine slaps him in the jaw, only to have Jazz come in and lay her out. That’s your first third of the show by the way.

Tony Mamaluke vs. Chilly Willy

Williy gets caught in an early tornado DDT for two but comes back with a falcon’s arrow for the pin in just over a minute.

Guido comes in and lays Chilly out before trying to break the referee’s arm. This brings out Balls Mahoney for the big save but he can’t drop Big Sal. A middle rope headbutt crushes Balls’ ribs so here Mikey Whipwreck with a FLAMING 2×4 for the real save. That thing was lit up too.

Simon and Swinger are in their locker room when the Prodigy and the Prodigette come in to waste time. Cue the Musketeer for more comedy, only to have the Dangerous Alliance come in for the big showdown. Much like everything else tonight, this goes nowhere.

Scotty Anton turns the lights on and off with the Clap. They’re ready to take care of Van Dam on Los Angeles and that’s about it.

Steve Corino vs. Tajiri

Corino has Jack Victory in his corner and this is a rematch from Hardcore Heaven. We’re still not ready to go though as Cyrus comes out AGAIN and tells the referee to cheat for Corino. The referee says no so Cyrus lays him out and brings out Jerry Lynn as guest referee. Cyrus to Corino: “It’s just like Montreal. It’s in the bag.” Feeling out process to start with Corino claiming a pull of the trunks.

With nothing going on, Joel previews what’s coming up next in a parody of last week’s ending as the video goes into the corner. Instead of Arena Football though, we get EXTREME TEST PATTERNS! Joel: “Will cyan clash with magenta??? TUNE IN TONIGHT!” Funny stuff, as is often the case with Gertner. Tajiri hits a neckbreaker for the first real offense and a neckbreaker. A spinwheel kick puts Corino on the floor and the handspring (not the elbow) sends a chair into Steve’s face to draw some blood.

Corino bled like almost no one I’ve ever seen back then so it’s no minor cut. A knee to the head makes the blood even worse and Tajiri baseball slides a chair into Steve’s head. Tajiri is nice enough to wipe some blood away but gets suplexed through a table. Is that a traditional Japanese thank you? Corino drops a Bionic Elbow for two and the Network is livid. It’s made even worse as Tajiri grabs Steve’s crotch and mists Jerry by mistake. Corino gives up to the Octopus Hold but the blind Lynn hits Tajiri by mistake, giving Corino the pin.

Rating: B-. Again that’s on the ECW scale because their matches just aren’t that good most of the time. The Jerry Lynn stuff is even more of the same nonsense but you have to expect that at this point. Corino could bleed like few others for a cool visual but the story is in the same place it was in a month ago and that’s not good at all.

Joey wraps it up by hyping a Chicago house show the next night of the fifth or so time on this show. Oh and Rhino defends the TV Title again Rob Van on free TV just because.

Overall Rating: D-. The main event helped a lot but this was a hue waste of a week. We had a bunch of talking that we’ve seen before, a match we’ve seen before and a one minute match that set up Mikey playing with fire. With less than a month to go before the pay per view, they really should be going somewhere instead of doing the same stuff they were doing back in May. This show is flatlining in a hurry and REALLY needs to change before it gets even worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN
Date: June 16, 2000
Location: Lawrence Convention Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

We’re a month away from Heat Wave and a few matches have already been announced. That being said, it would be nice if we actually had something other than “ECW vs. Network brawl to end the show.” It doesn’t have to be anything great but they need to mix things up a little bit as things are really getting repetitive around here. Let’s get to it.

Sandman has been attacked and put in an ambulance.

Opening sequence.

Joey and Joel are cut off by Cyrus before Joel can get to his punchline about food. Cyrus wants to talk to Gertner but it takes a bit to get past the ECW/GERTNER chants. The problem is Gertner’s looks are killing the ratings so it’s time to get rid of him. Joel is tired of dealing with Cyrus using him to get over so it’s time to fight. Cyrus says there used to be a kid in his school that reminds him of Joel. Cyrus: “Do you know what I used to do to him?” Joel: “You used to suck his *#&$!” That earns Joel a slap to the face so he goes on a rant about how no one is here to see Cyrus so get to the point already.

The threat of being fired makes Joel apologize, but he means sorry that he has to take a blood test because Cyrus spat in his eye. Joel is ready to fight but Rhino runs in and Gores him. The usual suspects come in for the big brawl. We get the Van Dam vs. Anton showdown and you can hear people canceling their pay per view buys from here. This ate up the first fifteen minutes of the show after closing last week’s show. Well done.

Justin Credible gets in an argument with Rhino but Cyrus breaks things up.

Cyrus tells the medics that Gertner has an object lodged in his anus.

EZ Money vs. Kid Kash

Joined in progress as they speed things up early on. A headscissors from Kash gives us a stalemate but Money’s (who has bills hanging from his trunks) partner Chris Hamrick offers a distraction. Kash sends Money outside for a big flip dive and we take a break. Back (Joey: “On the Deliverance Channel.”) with Money hitting a modified piledriver, allowing Hamrick to add a guillotine legdrop. Kash’s moonsault press is countered into something like a reverse Razor’s Edge. A pinfall reversal sequence goes nowhere (likely because the pinfalls were reversed) and Kash hits a quick Moneymaker for the pin.

Rating: C. More cruiserweight style stuff here with Kash exchanging hurricanranas for actual wrestling or high flying skills. A win in a glorified handicap match makes Kash look good and that’s the best thing they can do when they’re trying to build up a new star. Not a good match or anything but it accomplished a goal, which is all it needed to do.

Kash gets beaten down until New Jack makes the save and does his usual insane stuff. He even hits Hamrick with an NES and uses a staple gun on Money for some blood. This goes on for a long time as we’re over halfway through the show. I get that the fans love New Jack and everything, but we’re half an hour in and we’ve seen an announcer get beaten down, a brawl we’ve seen over and over and an average match followed by a New Jack beatdown. If that’s the best they can do, maybe the show should be canceled.

Sinister Minister and his congregation (including Mikey Whipwreck, Balls Mahoney and a bunch of plants) rail against censorship. The Prodigette plays Monica Lewinsky underneath the podium and everyone starts laughing.

Credible and Rhino argue again with the same conclusion.

The Network wishes Jerry Lynn luck but he brushes them off. Joey, being an announcer, thinks this means a lot more than it seems. To be fair he’s probably right.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible

Justin is defending. They chop it out to start with Justin getting the better of it but being sent outside for a whip into the barricade. The fight heads into the crowd and thankfully there’s a camera to see them fighting in an open space. I can’t stand it when the brawl is really just their heads moving through the crowd. Lynn wins a slugout over the bloody champion and drives his knuckles into the cut.

They get back in with Francine passing in a chair for a delayed dropkick in the corner. A jumping knee to the head (he did used to be part of the Kliq) and we hit the chinlock. The fans want tables because New Jack and these two brawling in the crowd isn’t enough violence. Jerry fights up and they chop it out with Lynn getting the better of it this time and sending Justin outside for a big dive. A super hurricanrana through a table satiates the fans’ blood lust for a bit. The possibly ruined knees can be forgiven of course.

That’s only good for two on the champ though so Lynn sets up another table in the corner. Francine throws in a chair but the DDT only gets two. The fans yell about wanting the table but have to settle for Jazz throwing Francine inside. Jazz’s X-Factor gets two on Justin and here’s the Network to make this even messier. That’s Incredible gets two on Jerry as the Network takes Francine to the back.

The referee gets bumped (LIKE IT MATTERS) so there’s no count off the cradle piledriver. Rhino comes in and Gores Lynn through the table though it’s not clear who it was meant for. Either way it’s enough for…..I think a pin as the video is sent into the corner while an Arena Football on TNN ad covers up most of the screen. Seriously.

Rating: D+. I know it’s the ECW style but these way over the top matches full of interference and weapons are getting ridiculous. Even worse though, we STILL haven’t advanced anything as it’s still not clear if Lynn is Network or not. I’ve seen worse matches but they should be able to go more than a minute straight without some kind of shenanigans.

Overall Rating: D. For DO SOMETHING ALREADY! Heat Wave is getting closer and ECW clearly has no idea hot to actually build to a pay per view. I’m barely even sure what matches are taking place on the show as ECW has done almost nothing to promote it so far. Instead it’s all about fighting TNN and Heyman airing his grievances on TV every single week. The show wasn’t the worst but my patience is wearing thin with this promotion.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN
Date: June 9, 2000
Location: Alario Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

Maybe a trip down to New Orleans can speed things up a bit. As was the case coming into last week, the stories are interesting but they almost never go anywhere. Jerry Lynn as the wildcard in the big stable war has potential though, especially if he gets to be the one that goes after Rhino or Credible next. Scotty Anton continues to be death though and I think everyone knows it. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Joey and Joel do their entrance (the rhyme is about something going in a woman’s eye) and bring out hometown girl Jazz for a chat. She starts talking about how awesome she is until Justin Credible jumps her from behind with the Singapore cane. Justin has to drag Francine off of Jazz before saying he’s doing this because of Tommy Dreamer. If Tommy wants it to stop, come out here and fight. Cue Dreamer but everything is broken up.

Cyrus gives Scotty Anton a match with Raven, suggesting that he give Raven the Clap.

Paul Heyman has been banned from the show but he’s talking on ECW’s website.

Raven wants Anton to know that the world is filled with kings and queens.

Joey and Joel mock TNN’s response to the comments last week.

Scotty Anton vs. Raven

Before the match (and thankfully after a commercial), Cyrus offers Raven a spot in the Network because he used to be a ratings draw. Raven wants to know if he’s going to get some promo time. That’s not possible so Cyrus says he’s going to shake Anton’s hand and then Evenflow him. The match is on fast with Raven pounding away in the corner (Joey: “And the fans counting the viewers in Rollerjam after this show!”).

They head outside with Raven hitting him in the face but missing a middle rope elbow through a table. Back in and Anton slowly stomps away because he’s not talented enough to do anything more interesting. Anton works on the leg which he wraps around the post a few times. At least there’s an idea here. Raven comes back with a few shots to the face and a running knee lift, followed by the drop toehold into the chair. Anton gets out of a backslide though and puts on the Clapper for the surprise tap out.

Rating: C. This was actually better than I was expecting with Anton keeping things simple enough and letting Raven walk him through the match. There’s actually an interesting story with the Network deciding that someone who used to work in WCW had star power but there’s just NOTHING to back it up in the ring.

Da Baldies grew up on the streets and now they want to beat up New Jack. Again.

We get a WAY too long video on Justin Credible/Francine, as in over four minutes straight. I still do not get the appeal here.

The main event is a mystery partner tag match with Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer both getting to pick a surprise partner. Cyrus comes out to offer Rhino’s services to Justin, who may be an annoying character but he’s not stupid. Dreamer has someone of his own though and this really shouldn’t be all that surprising.

Justin Credible/Rhino vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

The brawl starts on the floor (duh) and it’s actually Rhino vs. Dreamer in the ring as I can’t imagine we see an actual tag match. A neckbreaker puts Rhino down and we’ve already got a ladder. Dreamer and Rhino fight into the crowd, leaving Sandman to be whipped into the ladder. Justin gets the same treatment as the other two come down the steps to get back inside.

A bulldog sends Justin into the ladder and all four are inside for the first time. Sandman drops Rhino with a super hurricanrana but here’s Steve Corino to break up a superplex on Justin. Tajiri comes out for the save, allowing Sandman to suplex Justin onto the ladder. Now it’s Anton to make it 4-3 as we’re waiting on Van Dam. That seems to happen a lot around here. Van Dam comes out a few seconds later and takes out Rhino with a really awkward looking Van Daminator with Rob bending down in front of him for a few seconds until someone throws Rhino a chair. A Five Star Frog Splash lets Sandman pin Rhino.

Rating: D+. Standard wild brawl here with the same people fighting to end the show that always end the show. That’s still the problem around here: it’s always “wait until next week” but next week is always more of the same. They need to actually get somewhere and hopefully that doesn’t mean waiting all the way until Heat Wave.

The Network beats the good guys down with a HORRIBLE Clapper on Van Dam ending the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Here’s the problem with the main event booking: all this happens every single week and it’s clear that Van Dam is gearing up for a huge match at Heat Wave. Who did he wind up getting? Scotty Anton. ECW is fighting for its life and their biggest star is facing Scotty Anton on a pay per view.

I get the idea of building something up but the title matches of Sandman vs. Rhino and Dreamer vs. Credible had been done before. At this point, they might as well have just put the World Title on Van Dam and built to their big title vs. title match. Wasting Van Dam on Anton was just another bad booking choice though and it’s caught up with ECW.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN
Date: May 26, 2000
Location: Gwinnett Civic Center, Duluth, Georgia
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

So I got a big start on this series and had twenty episodes to go when I took a bit of a break. That was nearly two years ago so I figured I might as well get back to it and knock the rest of this series out now that it’s on the Network. We’re past Hardcore Heaven and Justin Credible is ECW World Champion. TV Champion Rhino has issued an open challenge for his TV Title for some point in the future. Let’s get to it.

We open with a black and white video on Sandman being destroyed by Rhino. Sandman’s wife was piledriven through a table as a bonus.

Opening sequence.

Joel and Joey do their thing and rip on TNN because that’s how you stay on a network.

Interviewer Steven Prazak goes in to find out if Justin Credible has a concussion problem. Francine and Justin yell at him before throwing Prazak out.

Simon Diamond rants into a mirror about being a comedy act after a year in this company. The Musketeer (exactly what he sounds like) comes out of a bathroom stall to offer his services as a tag partner. That goes nowhere so here’s Johnny Swinger, from Atlanta, with the same offer. Simon is impressed and decides his problem is solved.

Masato Tanaka vs. Balls Mahoney

Tanaka starts in on the arm and they do an awkward looking wrestling sequence to the mat. Yet again we hear about Balls being banned from amateur wrestling in New Jersey for punching out a referee as he takes over with some jabs. That just earns him an armbar as Joel goes on a semi-racist rant about how he can’t date Japanese girls because he’s always hungry again twenty minutes later.

They head outside where Tanaka is whipped into the barricade as Joel wonders how parents in Nutley, New Jersey could name their son BALLS. A chair shot to the back doesn’t have much effect on Tanaka so they head inside for a powerslam on Mahoney. A Ball Breaker (sitout spinebuster) gets two on Tanaka with a frog splash connecting for the same. It’s time to duel with the chairs (a signature spot for them) and Tanaka no sells some shots to the head.

A big shot finally puts him down for two and now it’s Balls’ turn to no sell for a bit. Those shots are terrifying now as they’re just straight chairs to the head with no protection. A tornado DDT onto the chairs is countered into the Nutcracker Sweet (something like a sitout over the shoulder tombstone) for two on Tanaka.

Diamond Dust (a middle rope flipping Stunner) gets two on Balls but he kicks a chair into Masato’s face. It’s table time (because of course) but Balls also has a black bag full of tacks. Ever the scientist, Tanaka reverses a superplex into a tornado DDT through the table, driving himself into the tacks in the process, though it’s enough to put Mahoney away.

Rating: C. This one depends on your taste but it was a hard hitting ECW brawl. Those chair shots are too much for me anymore though. They were fun when we didn’t realize how bad they were but now……yeah they’re hard to sit through. Tanaka is one of the hardest hitting guys you’ll ever see so he was perfect for Mahoney, though that ending is a bit hard to take. Balls can survive several hard chair shots to the head but a tornado DDT through a table knocks him out?

The Sinister Minister is talking about Mikey Whipwreck when Big Sal attacks him. A now crazy Mikey makes the save with a fireball.

Tommy Dreamer beats up Prazak for asking about losing the World Title. Prazak: “BUT YOU’RE A BABYFACE!”

Tajiri vs. Scotty Anton

Former Network vs. Network. That means here’s Cyrus with the rest of his evil Network stable to say Mr. Nielsen is popping off because of Anton’s clap gimmick. The fans want RVD out here to kill Anton (who screwed him at Hardcore Heaven). Joey: “Even for TNN this is disgraceful!” Anton makes sure we know that he’s Scotty and he wants us all to have The Clap. This keeps going WAY too long as we’re waiting on wrestling anytime now. Actually Cyrus says Scotty is off tonight because it’s all about the ratings. Joey: “Then why is Rollerjam still on the air?” Hey I liked that show. Cyrus has a replacement.

Tajiri vs. Jerry Lynn

This could be good. Feeling out process to start with Tajiri dropkicking Lynn out of the air. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker drops Tajiri and the Network shouts encouragement to Jerry, though he doesn’t seem that receptive. Lynn’s tornado DDT (too common a move around here) is countered with something like a suplex into the corner but Lynn is right back up with a springboard dropkick ala Chris Jericho.

Back in and a hard kick to the head drops Jerry again as Joel goes on an anti-TNN rant, nearly verbatim to one Heyman made around the same time. A powerbomb gets two on Tajiri as this is just a collection of spots so far. Lynn is tired of wrestling and just stomps away before grabbing a chair. Jack Victory trips Tajiri though and the cradle piledriver gives Jerry the pin (it wasn’t clear if he saw the interference).

Rating: C+. Better than you would normally get around this time from ECW with a lot more wrestling and a lot less violence. That’s a smart way to book the show as the opener was violent and this one was more wrestling based. Balancing the show out like that is almost always better than going full on with one style.

Post match Tajiri gets beaten down until RVD makes the save. The weird thing here is the Network has Walk by Pantera edited out but the fans are still seen chanting along. Van Dam is beaten down but Tajiri makes the save with some mist.

Video on Dawn Marie. Nothing special here as it’s really just a reminder that she’s hot.

Prazak asks Raven about Credible’s concussion but Raven is depressed about Francine turning on him. Francine comes in and yells at him (with the camera staying on her upskirt shot the whole time) until Credible lays Raven out. Dreamer’s save attempt fails to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a hard one to grade as nothing major happened but they’re advancing the story at a slow pace, which makes sense given that they have almost two months until the next pay per view. The wrestling was acceptable (again by ECW standards) but this Network feud really isn’t all that interesting. It’s an interesting take on the corporate villains but we get the concept already and they’re not making it any easier by saying the same things over and over.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN
Date: June 2, 2000
Location: Seagate Center, Toledo, Ohio
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

Things are still moving at a slow pace as we have Tommy Dreamer and Raven in their weird alliance against Justin Credible and Sandman wanting revenge on Rhino over attacking his wife. That’s in addition to ECW vs. the Network in the top (I think?) feud. That sounds like enough to have them overflowing with content but somehow it’s a very slow process. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel are in the ring to start and Raven is sitting in the corner. After some TNN insults, Joel doesn’t have a dirty rhyme tonight. Joey tells him to make something up, likely because the fans sounded like they were about to riot. He makes one up on the spot that ends with saying how tight the women in Toledo are. You can fill in the details yourself.

Off to Raven, who is sick of Justin Credible stealing everything from him. The other day Justin called him and quoted Keep on Rocking in the Free World, which was enough to make Raven realize Justin could never be him. Cue Justin and Francine, both of whom Raven calls a rather mean name.

The fight is on with Raven getting the better of it until a Francine distraction lets Justin swing the Singapore cane. Tommy Dreamer makes a better save attempt this week as Justin bails, leaving Scotty Anton to sneak in and beat on Raven. The referee of all people yells at Cyrus, only to get beaten down by Anton. Scotty puts the referee in a Sharpshooter and it’s time for THE CLAP!

Opening sequence.

Guido is working out when Tony Mamaluke (from ECW’s Mamalukes’ mini stable) makes his debut. That makes Guido mad because Tony is a fake Italian so he has an idea.

Kid Kash vs. Grimes

The much smaller Kash starts with a headscissors but gets run over by a standing splash. Grimes goes with the power by loading up a reverse Razor’s Edge but flipping forward into something like a sitout powerslam. Cool move actually. Back up and Kash tries to climb onto Grimes’ shoulders for a faceplant but it’s more like a slap to the back of his head.

Another headscissors has Grimes in trouble and Kash knocks him outside for a big running springboard flip dive. Back in and Kash dives into a cutter, followed by a Vader Bomb into a low blow. Kash’s hurricanrana is countered into a flapjack, only to have him grab a rolling victory roll for the pin on Grimes and a big upset.

Rating: D+. Kash is a bunch of spots and little more as he rarely did anything aside from headscissors and hurricanranas. The victory roll ending made sense as it’s not like he can hit a piledriver on someone the size of Grimes. If nothing else it was nice to see Grimes doing something other than fighting New Jack again and again.

We get the same somber Sandman vs. Rhino video from last week.

Johnny Swinger is posing in front of a fan. Swinger: “See? My biggest fan is blowing me.” The Musketeer comes in and tries to fight the fan due to reasons of bad comedy. Prodigy and the Prodigette get doused in Swinger’s oil.

Tony Mamaluke vs. Mikey Whipwreck

Tony tries to take him to the mat early on but gets launched into the air for a faceplant. Guido offers a distraction so Tony can take it outside, only to try a moonsault and LAND ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK ON THE BARRICADE. That’s one of the scariest bumps I’ve ever seen but Mikey takes him back inside for a spinning Pedigree for the fast pin.

Mikey gives an attacking Guido the Whippersnapper post match. Big Sal comes in before fire can be used but gets powder in his eyes. The blind Sal lays out Marinara with a side slam and gorilla press toss into the crowd.

Post break Sinister Minister calls Big Sal a glutton for punishment. Every time he comes near Mikey, Sal is set on fire. If there’s one thing Minister won’t accept, it’s stupidity. Therefore, the next time Sal comes near him, Sal will learn the meaning of spontaneous combustion. Mikey says no way so Minister calls him a liar and lights his pants on fire. Minister laughs as Mikey cries about it burning his flesh.

We get a big rant from Paul Heyman about how TNN is killing them because they don’t want ECW around. Then they’re going to bring in the WWF and give Vince McMahon $100 million. Heyman says this is a shoot as he goes on about how much he hates this network for everything they’ve done wrong. He begs TNN to throw them off the air and tells them to spend that money on attorneys because the war has just begun. Last week Gertner said a lot of the same things on commentary. This was muted on the live broadcast but the Network has the full thing.

Dawn Marie video.

Joel suggests that the TNN executives smuggle young farm animals across state lines for sexual gratification. Heyman, off screen: “ARE YOU READY TO THROW US OFF THE AIR PIG F*$&%*#?” Again, this was muted live as you might expect.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Sandman

Rhino is defending and has Steve Corino in his corner. During Sandman’s three minute entrance, Gertner suggests that Sandman wants to beat Rhino for making Sandman’s wife all whiny because she’s been in the hospital so much lately. Cue Dusty Rhodes to cancel Corino out by bullroping himself to Steve. Rhino pounds Sandman down fast but gets knocked to the floor to start the brawl.

Sandman throws in a table and loads it up in the corner before taking Rhino down with a hurricanrana. A piledriver onto the folded table gets no cover as Sandman has to take care of Corino (freed with some help from Jack Victory). Everyone comes in and I’m going to assume the match was thrown out somewhere in there. Not enough to rate but what were you expecting?

Tajiri runs out for the save and gets beaten down by an invading Scotty Anton. Van Dam comes in for the real save as Jerry Lynn watches to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Interesting story/brawl, midcard match, midcard match, pants on fire, big wild brawl to end the show. Like I said earlier, it’s taking WAY too long to get anywhere with their big stories and it’s getting annoying trying. The real war with Heyman vs. the network is more interesting but at the same time it’s really hard to care when the wrestling is so all over the place and the stories move so slowly. It’s still entertaining enough but they need to do something before they’re thrown off the air.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Summerslam 2009
Date: August 23, 2009
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,129
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Not a lot has changed in the last year other than some names have risen up the card. Jeff Hardy is the Smackdown Champion and is defending tonight against the on fire CM Punk who is now a heel, bragging about how great he is due to being straightedge. We also have Orton vs. Cena #875 although only their second match here at Summerslam. It’s a decent looking card on paper so let’s get to it.

The opening video is set up like a movie theater, but DX takes it over by making shadow puppets on the screen. Shawn wins by putting up Abraham Lincoln. They finally break the projector but Shawn says he can fix it. He turns it into a DX highlight video but breaks the camera one more time.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Rey is defending after a long but awesome feud with Jericho. Ziggler pounds him down into the corner before getting two off a powerslam. Dolph throws him over his shoulders to the top but Rey bounces off with a moonsault press for two. Out to the floor and a cameraman is taken out via I think a hurricanrana. Back in and Ziggler catches (kind of) a rana off the top in a buckle bomb for two to take over.

We hit the chinlock before Dolph gets two off a side slam. The jumping elbow gets two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up and Rey drop toeholds him into the corner before, only to have his head taken off by a clothesline for another near fall. A fireman’s carry gutbuster gets two and it’s back to the chinlock. Rey fights up again and hits a hard kick to the head for a near fall of his own. Dolph comes back with a dropkick to take down a flying Mysterio for two more as these covers are getting very hot.

Back up and Rey tries to roll up Ziggler’s body into a sunset flip but Ziggler falls onto him for two. A wicked clothesline gets two more for the challenger but Rey kicks him into 619 position, only to have Ziggler drop to the floor. Back in and the Fameasser gets two for Dolph but Rey gets the same off a sunset flip.

Rey hits a kind of tornado DDT for two more and an armdrag sets up the 619 but Ziggler avoids the springboard splash. Ziggler gets a quick near fall off the miss and the fans are split on who to cheer for. A kick to Rey’s head sends him to the apron so Ziggler loads up a top rope gutbuster, only to have Rey counter into a hurricanrana in mid air to retain the title.

Rating: B+. Excellent opener here with Ziggler being able to go move for move with one of the best high fliers of all time. It was clear that Dolph was going to be a big deal and this was a great example of why. Rey was on fire at this point but he would be derailed by a Wellness violation a few weeks later, forcing him to drop the title to John Morrison.

Jack Swagger and MVP are in the back. Swagger says his match with MVP tonight is a culture clash between the All American American and an ex-con. MVP is nothing but a stepping stone but MVP says he made some bad decisions. Tonight he’s teaching Swagger a lesson and the teacher is an MVP.

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

MVP jumps over Swagger in the corner and hits a quick clothesline for two to start. Swagger rolls to the floor to avoid the Ballin Elbow, only to be caught by a suicide dive. Back in and Swagger gets in some shots to the ribs to take over followed by a forearm to the back. MVP counters another shot with an elbow to the face, only to get caught in an abdominal stretch.

A hard clothesline puts MVP down for two and it’s off to a camel clutch. MVP stands up and breaks the hold with an electric chair for two. This is really basic stuff and the fans aren’t all that thrilled. Back up and MVP pops him in the jaw with a right hand, setting up the Ballin Elbow for two. A big boot in the corner sets up the Playmaker for the pin on Swagger.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t even that bad but it was very dull. Neither guy did anything special out there and it was about six minutes of boring, yet acceptable, wrestling. Swagger would go on to a world title the following year for reasons no one can quite fathom while MVP would do nothing of note for the rest of his WWE run.

Luke Perry is here.

Video on celebrities guest hosting Raw. Did we really have to relive this stupid idea?

Nancy O’Dell from Access Hollywood is here to talk about her ALS charity. No one cares. At all. She interviews Freddy Prinze Jr., one of the recent guest hosts. O’Dell sounds like any other celebrity who has never watched a wrestling show before.

Tag Titles: Chris Jericho/Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme

Jericho and Show (I can’t stand those combined names) are defending and the belts are unified at this point, meaning the champions have two belts apiece. Jericho says he and Show are the real celebrities here tonight and that’s about it. JTG (how is he still employed in 2013? Seriously, I want an answer to that) starts against Jericho and a nice flip neckbreaker gets two on Chris. A quick Walls attempt is countered and JTG hits a middle rope leg lariat for two.

Todd Grisham: “They bring the right kind of flava eh JR?” JR: “Flava? Like barbecue or cheddar?” Off to Big Show who knocks JTG into the corner and puts on a hard headlock. JTG gets up a pair of boots in the corner before bringing in the much bigger Shad Gaspard. Jericho charges in but gets caught in a gorilla press. The distraction is enough to let Show run Shad over to take control again. A hard chop in the corner puts Shad down and it’s back to the Canadian.

Shad gets in a jawbreaker but Jericho is smart enough to knock JTG to the floor before there’s a hot tag. Show puts on a full nelson but throws Gaspard down to bring Jericho back in. We hit the chinlock before Shad fights up and hits a powerslam to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in JTG but the fans don’t care at all. Everything breaks down and a clothesline sends Shad and Show to the floor. JTG is put in the Walls but makes the rope, only to be knocked out by Big Show to retain the titles.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but I don’t think anyone believed the titles were in jeopardy. Cryme Tyme was a fun team (on occasion) but most of the time they were jobbers to the stars. Jericho and Big Show at least gave the tag titles some fresh life for a few months so I can’t complain about them all that much. The match was standard stuff though.

Punk has a screenplay called the Jeff Hardy Story. In the movie, Jeff survives and beats Punk tonight in the TLC match. That’s as phony as everyone here in LA, where the only real person is Punk himself. Punk goes on a rant against America’s obsession with cool pop culture and says no one makes movies about him because he doesn’t support the Hollywood lifestyle. Punk is FEELING IT here.

Kane vs. Great Khali

Here’s a Wrestlemania rematch that no one was asking for. Kane is the heel here and has attacked Khali’s brother a few times before this. Khali shoves him into the corner to start and throws Kane out to the floor. Back in and Khali clotheslines him down but misses a legdrop, allowing Kane to hit a low dropkick for two. Both guys break up chokeslams and Khali takes over again.

He pounds Kane on the mat for two and hits a hard chop in the corner. Khali charges (and I use that word loosely) into a boot in the corner, allowing Kane to hit the top rope clothesline for two. We hit the chinlock before Khali makes a slow motion comeback and chops Kane down for two. Kane pulls Runjin Singh (Khali’s brother) in and the distraction lets Kane dropkick Khali’s knee. A bad looking DDT is enough for Kane to get the pin.

Rating: D-. Erg why do they keep doing these battles of the giants when they know they’re going to suck? Khali was getting so slow at this point and it was easy to see where the insults about his abilities were coming from. Kane would float around for most of the next year until he saved Undertaker and won the world title as a result.

Slash, Robert Patrick and Maria Menunos are here.

We recap DX vs. Legacy. Rhodes and DiBiase had been destroying HHH for months so he made a call to Shawn. HHH then had to get Shawn out of his job as a short order cook (don’t ask) and tonight is the big reunion match against Legacy.

Legacy vs. D-Generation X

DX comes in on a tank, trailing behind a bunch of soldiers on an Army jeep. Ok points for an AWESOME entrance. HHH starts with DiBiase as Ted fires off right hands in the corner. They have even less effect than you would expect so HHH suplexes him down and drops a knee for two. Off to Cody who walks into the high knee to the face from the Game and slaps Shawn as a result. Shawn gets the tag to a big pop but gets slapped again after running the ropes a bit.

Fed up, Shawn tackles Cody down but gets pounded in the face a few more times. Shawn comes back with a Thesz Press and right hands to another big reaction. The Band is tuned up but Cody bails to the floor and comes back in to a headlock. A belly to back suplex puts Shawn down and it’s off to DiBiase to keep up the punching motif. Ted slams him down to stay on Shawn’s back but Michaels gets a quick neckbreaker for a breather.

The hot tag brings in HHH to clean part of the house but Cody breaks up a Pedigree attempt. Everything breaks down and HHH backdrops Michaels over the top and onto Cody. Ted gets in a cheap shot on HHH to take over, meaning we’re in for a long one here. Legacy takes over o the Game in the corner and the double teaming begins. DiBiase hooks a long chinlock, but HHH keeps fighting to get to Shawn. See how easily that can be done? Instead of just laying on the mat until it was time for the comeback, HHH is constantly moving and trying to keep the fans alive. That’s such a lost art and it’s rather sad.

Anyway HHH suplexes out of the hold but Cody comes in with a DDT to stop the tag to Michaels. Off to a front facelock and of course this time HHH lays on the mat after I praised him for one of the few times after the year 2000. HHH powers out of the hold but DiBiase breaks up another hot tag. You know HHH isn’t going to stand for that for very long so he launches Ted over the top and out to the floor and finally makes the tag to Shawn.

House is really cleaned now with Shawn picking Rhodes apart. The atomic drop sets up the flying forearm but DiBiase breaks up the nipup attempt. Everything breaks down and HHH sends DiBiase into the stands as Cody goes up, only to miss a top rope elbow. Shawn loads up his own elbow but gets crotched down onto the buckle. He can still block a superplex though and now the elbow launches, only to hit Cody’s knee. Shouldn’t that hurt the leg a lot more than Shawn?

There’s no DiBiase to tag so Shawn gets up and puts on a Figure Four, only to have DiBiase make the save. HHH can’t hit a Pedigree as Cody takes him down and actually hits Cross Rhodes on Shawn for two. Now a Pedigree connects on Cody but DiBiase hits Dream Street (cobra clutch slam) on Shaw. HHH and Ted fight on the floor as both guys are down in the ring. Both guys get up at the same time and it’s Sweet Chin Music to knock Cody senseless for the collapsing pin from Shawn.

Rating: B+. Another excellent match here with all four guys working the tag team formula to perfection. Shawn continues to be able to time a comeback like no one ever could and HHH was clicking tonight. Legacy looked great and would actually beat DX in the next month’s match. I was surprised by how well the rookies looked here and DX actually had to sweat a bit here. I wouldn’t say they were in jeopardy but it wasn’t an easy win by any stretch.

ECW Title: Christian vs. William Regal

Christian is defending. Remember Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry going 32 seconds last week? This is a quarter of that as Christian grabs the Killswitch as Regal is taking his robe off for the pin to retain.

Post match Regal’s heavies Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson lay out Christian so Regal can put on the Regal Stretch.

Video on the Summerslam festivities in Los Angeles.

We recap Orton vs. Cena. Orton has dominated the year and Cena is the latest guy to try to take the title. Not much here but do these two really need a backstory?

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending. Cena takes him down with a front facelock but Orton counters into a hammerlock. Randy takes him into the corner and kicks at the ribs a bit, cuing a Cena comeback with rights and lefts. Orton comes back with an elbow to the face and his VERY slow stomping. This is the main criticism of Orton around this time: he wrestled in slow motion and it makes for very dull matches. The big knee drop to the chest gets two.

Cena comes back with some right hands but walks into the backbreaker for two. We hit the chinlock and the dueling chants begin. Cena finally powers up and initiates his finishing sequence. The Shuffle connects but Orton escapes the FU into the powerslam (NOT A SCOOP SLAM COLE, YOU STUPID STUPID MAN!) for two. Orton misses a knee drop but Cena’s shoulder block only hits air, sending him out to the floor. The Elevated DDT is good for two as Orton keeps things slow.

Cena gets in another shot and pops up top for the Fameasser, good for two. Orton grabs the ropes to block the FU and a double clothesline puts them both down. They slug it out with Cena taking over and speeding things up, but Orton shoves the referee for the LAME DQ. To be fair though it was the first fast paced thing he did all match.

Lillian, Rhodes Scholar that she is, calls Cena the new champion before saying Vince gave her word that the match restarts and if Orton gets DQ’d again he loses the title. This would be an entirely pointless bit that stopped the match cold. Back in and Orton takes over before whipping Cena into the steps. Orton slams him down and goes to get the title and walk out. We get the same announcement and the match continues again.

Back in and the STF, RKO and FU are all countered and Orton grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes for the pin. As you might expect, we’re STILL not done as a second referee comes out and tells the first what happened. So on the third restart Cena puts on the STF but a “fan” runs in for a distraction, stopping things cold again. Cena walks around with his hands on his hips but Orton comes in and hits an RKO to retain the title. For real this time.

Rating: D. On top of the INSANE overbooking, the match was really boring with Orton being his usual slow self. These two would feud forever and trade the title back and forth. The matches would get better but people were sick of seeing them fight at the end. This match was a great example of how overthinking can screw up a match. Brett DiBiase was the fan but that was never acknowledged on TV and I don’t think it was ever addressed again.

We recap the main event. This is a pure culture clash with Jeff Hardy being the free spirit and Punk being the serious straightedge guy who lives a very strict life. Punk cashed in MITB against Hardy at Extreme Rules but Jeff won the title back two months later. This gets the music video treatment with a song featuring lyrics of “I don’t want to be like you.” Nice touch.

Smackdown World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk

TLC match here. They fight over a lockup to start until Punk takes him into the corner for some knees to the chest. He stomps Hardy down and throws him to the floor before grabbing the first chair. A shot to the ribs and back allows Punk to go up but Hardy makes a quick save. Hardy stomps him down in the corner and hits the slingshot dropkick before going up. This time it’s Punk making the save but Hardy sends him into the ladder to put both guys down.

Back up and Hardy loads up Poetry in Motion but Punk drops him onto the open chair to take over. A series of ladder shots to the back have Hardy in big trouble. Punk sends him to the floor and hits a suicide dive but misses a chair shot. Hardy sends him into the post and gets in a chair shot to the elbow to take over. This is a slower paced match so far which is usually the best way to go about TLC matches. Now Poetry In Motion hits against the barricade and Punk is in trouble.

Hardy puts him on a table but Punk moves before Hardy can splash him through it, sending Hardy down in a big crash. We get another ladder in the ring as JR calls this a carcinogenic match. Punk goes up but Jeff literally jumps over him to go after it himself, only to get caught in an electric chair, only to counter that into a sunset bomb to put both guys down. The champion goes up first but Punk shoves him onto the corner in a SCARY landing with Jeff’s leg hitting the rope.

Punk says on him with a superplex onto the ladder in another cringe inducing landing. Somehow Jeff snaps off a quick Twist of Fate but the Swanton hits knees. Punk hits the running knee in the corner but the bulldog is countered by Hardy throwing Punk over the top and through a table. Jeff starts to climb but Punk is back up to dropkick Hardy off the ladder. They head outside with Punk’s knees being sent into the steps, allowing Hardy to go NUTS on Punk with a chair.

Hardy loads up a table next to the ring and this Punk in the head with part of the announce table and a monitor. A chair shot puts Punk down again as Hardy is in full control. Jeff sets up the big ladder and hits an INSANE Swanton Bomb through Punk through the announce table. That looked NUTS but the crash was great. Both guys are checked on as the stretcher is brought out. Hardy is taken out but Punk is crawling towards the ladder. Jeff gets off the stretcher and goes after Punk, only to be kicked off the ladder in another big crash, giving Punk the title.

Rating: A-. This was an excellent war with a great story being told: Punk played it safe while Hardy lived for the moment and lost the title as a result. The Swanton spot looked amazing and it was the last straw for Hardy as he just couldn’t keep getting up from all these crashes. Awesome match here and a great bit of storytelling.

Punk stands over Hardy with the title in the air and the lights go off. A gong strikes and the lights come up with Undertaker in Hardy’s place. He hits a huge chokeslam on Punk and poses on the stage to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. There’s some bad stuff on here but the good stuff far outweighs it. Its biggest problem is the Orton vs. Cena match which was slow and dull leading up to the STUPID ending. The other big matches delivered though and the opener is excellent. The show is worth watching, but pop in the Cena vs. Orton match from Breaking Point instead. Good show here that could have been a classic with a better Raw Title match.

Ratings Comparison

Dolph Ziggler vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

Original: C

Redo: D

Chris Jericho/Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Kane vs. Great Khali

Original: D+

Redo: D-

D-Generation X vs. Legacy

Original: A

Redo: B+

William Regal vs. Christian

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: D

CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

The Cena vs. Orton match carries or sinks this show depending on how you look at it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/12/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2009-punk-in-another-main-event-3/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam 2008
Date: August 17, 2008
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 15,997
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

For the first time in a few years, it feels like we’ve got a big card tonight. It’s a double main event with Undertaker vs. Edge inside the Cell and Cena vs. Batista for the first time ever. I remember being very fired up for this show when it first aired so hopefully it lives up to the hype after some very lackluster entries the last few years. Let’s get to it.

The theme this year is that this is the ultimate summer blockbuster. I’ve heard worse. This shifts into your standard opening video.

It’s another good song here with Ready to Roll by Jet Black Stare.

We run down the card because you might have ordered the show blind or something?

MVP vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff is in the middle of the biggest story of his life, as he’s been chasing the world title all year. This resulted in one of the highest number of buys ever for the Rumble, yet he’s opening the show here in a midcard match. Makes sense in WWE world I guess. There isn’t much of a story here other than MVP has been messing with Jeff lately. Hardy starts with two right hands to send MVP to the floor and there’s a whip into the barricade. Back in and a slingshot legdrop gets two for Jeff and we hit the armbar.

MVP makes the ropes and the referee has to keep pulling Jeff out of the corner. Jeff eventually gets free and charges right into a snap belly to belly for two. MVP kicks him in the back and puts on something like a crucifix hold before rolling over into a camel clutch. Off to something like a side leg bar but MVP eventually lets it go. Jeff goes tot he apron but MVP knocks him out of the air to break up a springboard, getting two.

Jeff is put in the Tree of Woe so MVP picks him up and slams the top of his head into the mat. That’s a new one. MVP loads up something like a Gory Bomb but Jeff slips down the back and neckbreakers his way to freedom. The slingshot dropkick in the corner is countered by two feet to Hardy’s chest but Jeff avoids the Drive By kick in the corner. A sunset flip gets two for Jeff and the Whisper in the Wind puts MVP down again. Cue US Champion Shelton Benjamin to distract Hardy from the Swanton, allowing MVP to move. The Drive By kick is good for the pin on Jeff.

Rating: B-. Summerslam almost always has good openers and this is a good example. I never got into MVP like a lot of people did but this was a solid performance from him. Shelton had been involved with this feud as an accessory on Smackdown but it’s not exactly enough of a connection for the run-in here to work. Good match though.

Glamarella (Santino and Beth) is ready for their mixed tag winner take all match with Kofi and Mickie. Santino talks about the unibrow and how the tabloids love the new name for the two of them. Maria, Santino’s ex, is doing the interview so we get a stare down between the girls.

Intercontinental Title/Women’s Title: Glamarella vs. Mickie James/Kofi Kingston

Mickie and Kofi have both belts coming in but the winning team walks out with all the gold. Kofi is still relatively new here and has only won the IC Title once, as opposed to his 89 or so reigns now. The girls get things going with Beth easily overpowering James. Mickie comes back with some quick dropkicks for two before it’s off to Santino. James easily monkey flips him over before it’s off to Kofi for some of his usual stuff. The jumping punches in the corner have Santino on the floor where Beth yells at him.

Kingston loads up a charge but hangs on, only to send Santino jumping into Beth’s arms. Kofi pulls him back in but gets his neck snapped across the top rope for one. Beth beats on Kofi for a bit before bringing Santino back in for his basic offense. A suplex sets up a chinlock but Kofi fights up and butts heads with Santino, allowing for the double tags to the girls. Mickie cleans house and clotheslines Beth down before snapping off her hurricanrana on Beth. Kofi comes in and misses a charge like an idiot but the MickieDT puts Santino down. Beth decks Mickie and hits the Glam Slam for both titles.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing special and could have been on any given Raw. I don’t know of a better way they could have gotten the title on Santino though so you can’t fault the for trying. Kofi would begin his long float in the midcard which would last for the next several years other than a cup of coffee in the upper midcard. The girls looked good here but that’s about it.

Santino gets on Beth’s shoulders to celebrate.

Video on Shawn Michaels’ eye injury. He may not be able to continue wrestling due to the eye and for the first time he’s listening to his doctors. If they tell him it’s too bad, he’s walking away.

Here’s Shawn with his wife for the announcement. Shawn talks about how his doctors have re-evaluated his eye and it looks like he’s going to have to walk away. He remembers his first Summerslam and since then the fans have let him become the Heart Break Kid and Mr. Wrestlemania. He’s also the guy who screwed Bret Hart (wasn’t that Hebner?), the man who formed DX, the man who lost his smile and the man who retired Ric Flair. Now though he can be a full time husband and a full time father…..and here’s Jericho, the man who injured Shawn’s eye.

Jericho, currently an awesome heel rocking a suit, says that he’s not accepting this. Shawn isn’t leaving due to an eye injury on his own terms. He wants Shawn to admit that he’s walking away because of what Jericho did to him and nothing else. Shawn gets serious and says to get out of the ring but Jericho wants to hear that Shawn is leaving because of him. Shawn needs to admit it to his wife, his children, himself and to Jericho. All of Shawn’s accomplishments don’t matter because the epitaph of his career will be that he was forced to walk away because of Chris Jericho.

Shawn says he’ll admit it and tell his wife and kids what Jericho wants to hear on one condition: if Jericho goes home to his wife and kids and tells them that he never could be Shawn Michaels. BURN! Shawn goes to walk away but Jericho swings, only to hit Shawn’s wife, knocking her out cold. What a man that Shawn is, ducking when his wife was behind him. You know it’s on at Unforgiven now and the fans are eating this stuff up. This was the feud of the year in 2008 and there’s no arguing that.

ECW Title: Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy

Matt earned the title by doing something not important enough to explain to us. These two teamed up on ECW with Mark attacking his partner, injuring his ribs. Mark hits a quick forearm to the back but misses a charge, allowing Matt to hit the Twist of Fate, drawing in Henry’s manager Tony Atlas for the DQ 30 seconds in.

Jeff Hardy comes out to make the save and the Hardys suplex Henry.

We recap CM Punk vs. JBL. Punk cashed in the MITB case a few weeks ago on Raw to bring the World Heavyweight Championship to Raw. JBL bullied Punk and called him a footnote in wrestling. It’s a basic story but sometimes that’s the best idea, which is the case here.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Punk was basically a glorified midcarder at this point but his time would come. JBL shoves Punk into the corner to start and a hard shoulder puts the champion down. Punk comes back with a flying forearm to send him to the outside and a suicide dive fires the fans up even more. Back in and a high cross body gets a one count for Punk but another shoulder block puts him down. Punk tries to go up, only to be taken down by a middle rope fall away slam for two.

JBL goes after the back and we hit the bearhug. This is a basic big guy vs. little guy formula so far but again there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Punk fights out of it as the fans are getting rowdy. We stay on the back as JBL continues his basic power offense. Back to a side grip on Punk’s ribs on the mat before we go old school with an abdominal stretch. Punk fights out and hits the knee in the corner/bulldog combo but the ribs give out on the GTS attempt. JBL takes him back down and drops some elbows for two.

The clothesline misses and Punk starts firing off his strikes, hitting a high kick to the head for two. A springboard clothesline is countered into a powerslam for two and JBL yells at the referee a lot. Another clothesline attempt from JBL is countered with a leg lariat to put both guys down. They hit heads as JBL fell and Punk is busted open from the back of his head. Layfield blocks another knee/bulldog combo by putting Punk on the buckle for a belly to back superplex. There much be something really wrong because Punk pops up and hits a quick GTS to retain. Oh yeah there’s a BIG blood spot from where Punk was laying on the mat.

Rating: C+. This needed a few more minutes but with a legit cut that bad you have to go home in a hurry. Obviously Punk was going to win the entire time so it’s not like the ending was changed that badly. What we did get was good stuff with a basic story that is going to work time after time and did so here.

We recap HHH vs. Great Khali. Again not much to say here: HHH won the Smackdown Title and dominated for a few months until Khali was one of the few challengers he had left. Again it’s your basic hero vs. monster but the question coming in is can HHH Pedigree Khali. He tries for weeks leading up but never could pull it off.

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Great Khali

The Game is defending. HHH is a very tall man in his own right and is probably a foot shorter than Khali. The champion pounds away but has to stick and move to not get killed. That doesn’t blow HHH’s skirt up though so he tries the Pedigree. Khali easily grabs HHH and hits his Punjabi Plunge (two handed chokeslam finisher) but doesn’t cover. Instead he loads up his Vice (head squeeze) but HHH kicks at the long legs to escape. A chop block puts Khali down and out to the floor where his manager Runjin Singh tries to calm him down.

HHH, ever the bright guy, charges at Khali again and is chopped down with ease. Back inside and Khali pounds away with some elbows in the corner to drop the champion. The fans tell Khali that he can’t wrestle as he puts one foot on HHH for a cover. Off to a nerve hold by the challenger followed by a slam and legdrop. Back to the nerve hold for a bit before HHH fights up and hits the facebuster. It doesn’t put Khali on the mat but it does tie him up in the ropes.

Khali will have none of this being in trouble though as he lifts up his boot to kick HHH down before freeing himself from the ropes. Back up and HHH tries the Pedigree again, only to be backdropped out to the floor. A hard chop puts HHH down again and as they come back in there’s the vice grip again. HHH almost breaks the hold but Khali gets it back on for a few more seconds. A charge misses the champion in the corner and he FINALLY hits the Pedigree to retain the title.

Rating: C+. This match, while slow, was a great example of psychology in a wrestling match. HHH knew that there was only one move he could use to hurt Khali and give him a chance for the win so it was the only thing he tried for most of the match. This was HHH working around someone and it worked quite well as HHH is a very talented wrestler, which unfortunately is often forgotten.

We recap Cena vs. Batista. Cena accidentally punched Batista in a tag match on Raw, triggering a brawl between the two. It became exactly what it should have been: a showdown between the two guys who had carried the company for the last three years. This was one of the few dream matches they had built up for years and belonged as a PPV main event. Cena said he had been wanting this match for six years because he just didn’t know if he could beat Batista.

John Cena vs. Batista

Batista shoves Cena back to start before grabbing a headlock. Cena comes back with a quick slam and Batista stops to take a breather. A big clothesline puts Cena down and a Jackhammer gets two. Cena comes right back with a suplex of his own for two but Batista puts him down with a side slam. A quick FU attempt is countered and Batista goes after the leg. Off to a Figure Four on Cena (just like Flair, he puts it on the wrong leg) who can’t power out so we get a rope grab instead for the break.

Back up immediately and Cena throws Batista to the floor in something resembling an FU before collapsing down. Back in again and Cena fires off the shoulder blocks and the ProtoBomb to set up the Shuffle. The FU is countered again and Batista kicks him in the face to put both guys down. Batista drives shoulders into the corner and catches him in the spinebuster to put Cena down. Cena backdrops out of the Batista Bomb and hits a DDT on the leg to set up the STFU. Batista FINALLY crawls over and gets a rope to shock Cena.

Batista gets up and escapes another FU to hook a rear naked choke of all things. Cena fights out of a hold as well, only to get caught by a spear for a VERY close two. They’re in full on main event mode here and it’s getting very awesome. Cena counters a powerslam into an FU but can’t follow up due to exhaustion. It’s finally good for two so Cena goes up with nowhere else to go.

Batista is up as well and they slug it out on top with Batista being knocked to the mat. Cena tries the Fameasser but gets caught in a Batista Bomb…..for two, plus a neck injury that required three months off (I seem to remember that happening earlier but WWE said it was here). Not that it matters as Batista goes into Animal Mode and ENDS Cena with a Batista Bomb for the pin.

Rating: A-. This is exactly what it was supposed to be: the two top guys in the company going to war with only one left standing. It’s a great fight in the vein of Rock vs. Austin from back in the day. Almost no complaints here and it felt like a major match on a major stage. What else can you ask for here?

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Edge vs. Undertaker. They fought for the world title at Wrestlemania with Taker winning the title (duh) before Edge’s wife Vickie Guerrero stripped him of the title for using the Hell’s Gate, which was declared illegal. Edge won the title in a TLC match and Taker left for a bit, but Edge got caught cheating with his wedding planner (Alicia Fox). Vickie reinstated Taker and set up the Cell match here tonight. Edge got Mick Foley to try to find out how to beat Undertaker in the Cell (even though Foley lost) and was told to bring back the Rated R Superstar inside of him. Edge beat up Foley and was back.

Edge vs. Undertaker

It takes two minutes and forty five seconds from Taker’s gong to him slamming the Cell door closed. Edge fires off right hands in the corner but walks into a big boot. We head outside the ring so Edge can be rammed into the steel. A series of headbutts puts Edge down and Taker whips him hard into the steps. Vickie and company (La Familia) is watching in the back.

Back inside now but with steps involved as well. The Snake Eyes drop Edge on the steps but he blocks the big boot and sends Taker into the steps instead. Edge hits a spear to a seated dead man but doesn’t go for a cover. Instead he grabs a table but stops to knock Taker out with the steps to the head. Edge gets another table but doesn’t slide either of them into the ring. The table is set up on the floor instead but Edge has to fight out of a chokeslam attempt instead of sending Taker through it.

Now it’s chair time with Edge dropping Taker again. Here’s a third table but the first one actually brought into the ring. Edge pulls out a ladder as TLCHIAC continues. Another chair shot puts Taker down as we have a ladder, a table and steps in the ring. Three of the four things are used as Edge puts Taker on the table and picks up the chair before climbing the ladder. He drives the dead man through the table in the same spot he used on Foley a few weeks ago. Nice touch.

It’s only good for two though so it’s time for a Conchairto, only to have Taker grab Edge by the throat. Edge breaks free but gets caught in a big right hand to put him back down. A bit boot sends Edge into the cage and Taker crushes his head with the steps for good measure. Edge posts Taker to get a breather and uses the steps as a launching pad to knock Taker through the Cell. Taker’s arm is bleeding a bit.

They fight at the announce table before Edge is sent into the barricade to put him down again. Taker misses a monitor shot to the head, allowing Edge to crack him in the head with it instead. In the big spot of the match, Edge runs the announce tables for a big spear to Undertaker, putting both guys down. Edge can’t follow up so Taker wins a slug out and they head back inside, drawing some moderate booing. Back in and a ladder to the face gives Edge control again and a chair shot gets two.

Taker counters the spear into a chokeslam for a close two and Taker is getting frustrated. The Last Ride is countered by a low blow and an Impaler gets two. Back up and Taker loads up the Last Ride again but wants it through the tables on the floor. Edge slips over the top and hits the spear for a very close two. Now the Last Ride connects but Edge gets out at two.

Taker loads up a tombstone off the steps but Edge counters into an Edge-O-Matic onto the steps for two. Now Edge loads up Old School but Taker crotches him down and chokeslams him through the tables on the floor. Back in and Undertaker spears Edge down and breaks a camera over his head. A Conchairto crushes Edge’s skull and the tombstone finally ends this.

Rating: A. THIS is how you blow off a feud. Edge was completely destroyed at the end here with Undertaker hitting every big move he had and Edge not kicking out of them at all. These two had some great action all year long and the Cell is the best way to blow the whole thing off. Having it as a TLC match inside the Cell was fine and it made for a great main event.

Taker leaves but Edge very slowly gets up. The big man goes back inside and sets up the ladder before lifting Edge onto it. Taker throws in another ladder and climbs up next to Edge so he can throw the Canadian down through the mat. He raises his arms up and lights the hole on fire to end the show in a corny moment.

Overall Rating: A-. This was pretty awesome all around. The opener was good, one match didn’t count, the title matches were both decent to good and the main events both rocked. You could say the tag match wasn’t very good but it’s less than six minutes long and Santino makes it entertaining enough. This is one of the better shows they’ve had in the series and it’s well worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

MVP vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B

Redo: B-

Kofi Kingston/Mickie James vs. Glamarella

Original: D

Redo: D+

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Great Khali vs. HHH

Original: B+

Redo: C+

Batista vs. John Cena

Original: A

Redo: A-

Edge vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: A-

Yep, it’s still great.

Here’s the original idea if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/11/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2008-punk-as-champion-thatll-never-happen-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 18, 1995
Location: Bob Carpenter Center, Newark, Delaware
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

We’re FINALLY past the nightmare that was the December taping cycle and In Your House V. Bret Hart retained the WWF World Title (shocking I know) and Undertaker beat Mabel in the casket match (shocking again) and that’s about it for anything of note from that pay per view. Tonight we have Razor Ramon vs. Yokozuna for Razor’s Intercontinental Title. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last night, including Diesel and Undertaker staring each other down to plant seeds for Wrestlemania.

Opening sequence.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Fatu

This is Jarrett’s return after a long absence. Fatu dances a lot and makes a difference by atomic dropping Jarrett out to the floor. Back in and a shot to the head has no effect on Fatu but Jeff sends him throat first into the ropes for the running crotch attack to the back of the head. Jarrett rams him into the steps and actually has some success as we go to a break. Jeff slowly beats on Fatu but dives into a punch to the ribs. Fatu hits a powerslam and corner clothesline for two until he crashes down and holds his shoulder. It’s time for the Figure Four but Ahmed Johnson comes in to jump Jarrett for the DQ.

Rating: D. It’s not a good sign when Jeff Jarrett’s big return match is put in the perfect kind of spot for him and the match wound up being this bad. Jarrett just isn’t interesting in the ring and he’s not interesting on the mic either. Other than that he’s just fine though. That ending seemed to be improvised though as Fatu looked hurt off the crash landing.

Ahmed beats Jarrett up and helps Fatu to the back.

Gorilla Monsoon says Diesel can get over Undertaker being named #1 contender. As for the Royal Rumble, Jeff Jarrett won’t be in the Rumble itself because he’ll be facing Ahmed Johnson.

The graphic for Razor vs. Yokozuna is really weird as Razor is in the middle and Yokozuna is off to the side with most of his left arm cut off.

Goldust wants to sleep with Razor Ramon.

We see a clip from last night with Diesel getting in Undertaker’s face about Undertaker being #1 contender.

Buddy Landel vs. Bob Holly

Landel is a Ric Flair knockoff/ripoff/tribute character and even had Flair’s 1992 theme music here. Holly armdrags him down to start but Landel takes it back to 1985 with every Flair move you can think of, even down to his mannerisms. Buddy keeps it on the mat and starts working on the leg before getting two off a backdrop. We FINALLY get to the comeback with Holly hitting right hands and a clothesline but he misses a dropkick, allowing Buddy to drop a jumping elbow for the pin.

Rating: F. I sat through almost seven minutes of these two boring the fans to death and the best I can get is an ELBOW DROP? They had no idea what to do to counter Nitro at this point and if the best they can do is back to back old school Tennessee style matches like they’ve spent the first half of this show airing, they deserve to get squashed.

To make it even better, it’s the Brother Love Show with Ted DiBiase. The topic tonight: DiBiase having his answer to Santa Claus with Xanta Klaus, who lives at the South Pole and steals presents from kids. Now he’s going to steal victory after victory (oh dear) because 1996 is going to be the year of the Million Dollar Team and the Million Dollar Champion.

Raw Bowl ad. Did they really think this was some brilliant idea?

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Yokozuna

Razor is defending and here’s Goldust to watch from ringside. The champ quickly knocks Yokozuna out to the floor to start and we look at Goldust during the lull. Back in and Razor hammers away with everything he’s got before having to avoid a sitdown splash. Yokozuna takes him down with ease and grabs the nerve hold because he already needs a break.

Razor gets up because it’s just a fat man nerve hold and hits some clotheslines. Back from a break with Razor having to fight out of another nerve hold. Razor fights up, stops a charge in the corner and hits the middle rope bulldog……as Undertaker comes out with a casket. Yokozuna panics and runs away because THESE TWO HAVE TO FEUD FOREVER.

Rating: D. Match of the night here until the horrible ending. Was anyone asking for another casket match between Undertaker and Yokozuna? Like, wasn’t the Undertaker’s spirit rising out of the casket and then Chuck Norris enough for us? Thankfully this didn’t go anywhere of note and Undertaker would move on to the main event and then his much better feuds in 1996.

Razor is actually flattered that Goldust likes him but he’s just into women.

And to wrap it up, Tell Me A Lie, a video tribute to Shawn Michaels who might never return.

Overall Rating: F. That might be the worst episode of Raw that I’ve ever seen. The first half of the show is spent on Jeff Jarrett and Buddy Landel, neither of whom could keep the fans awake let alone interested. After that we have an Intercontinental Title match with Razor bouncing off Yokozuna before Undertaker comes out for really not much of a reason.

I mean, there was the face crushing last month but Undertaker is getting a title shot at the Royal Rumble and is pretty clearly about to fight Diesel soon after that. Why do I need to see him with Yokozuna? Absolutely horrible show here with almost no effort, nothing interesting, and now I have Tell Me A Lie stuck in my head. Thanks Raw, for irritating me this badly.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

In Your House #5: Seasons Beatings
Date: December 17, 1995
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,289
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

In addition to the main event of British Bulldog challenging Bret Hart for the WWF World Title, this is the first In Your House to feature the Undertaker on the pay per view (he had wrestled in several post PPV dark matches already). It’s rather interesting that one of the biggest and certainly most unique stars in the company hadn’t appeared in the first four editions of a PPV series and I’m not sure why he hadn’t. Anyway tonight he faces King Mabel in his signature match: the casket match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video starts with various symbols of Christmas before transitioning to shots of the Hart Family splitting apart as well as the Bulldog pinning Bret Hart at Summerslam 1992 in a masterpiece.

Santa Claus is here handing out presents.

Jerry Lawler promises us a big surprise.

Razor Ramon/Marty Jannetty vs. Sycho Sid/1-2-3 Kid

The Kid is full heel now and a part of the Million Dollar Team. Goldust rubs his chest while watching Razor come to the ring. Marty and the Kid start things off with Jannetty scoring with an enziguri for two. Some shoulder blocks and a clothesline get the same on the Kid and Marty goes over for the tag, freaking the Kid out. An atomic drop has Kid in trouble and now it’s off to Razor for the showdown. The Kid bails to the floor for a second but gets a toothpick in his face back inside.

Razor is having a good time but a blind tag brings in Sid to take over for the Million Dollar Team. Back to the Kid for a kick to the face but Razor glares at him after some chops. Sid comes back in to pound Ramon down and get cheered by the crowd in a surprising reaction. Razor comes back with some right hands and a double clothesline puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Marty to run over the Kid again and a powerslam is good for two.

A front flip facebuster out of the corner gets two on the Kid and it’s off to a camel clutch of all things. We go to Todd Petingill in the crowd with Goldust who quotes movie lines and expresses his lust for Ramon. This goes on for several minutes but at least we’re on split screen. Goldust asks Todd to give Razor a letter. Back to the match and Marty punches his way out of the corner but his cross body is caught in a powerslam for two.

Back to the Kid for a bad looking slam and a better looking guillotine legdrop for two before it’s back to Sid. Ramon gets suckered into the ring but gets in a right hand to the Kid. Marty is turned inside out by a clothesline and it’s off to a chinlock. Kid comes back in to drop a leg and then bring Sid back inside for some shots to the back.

It’s the Kid in again but he misses a charge in the corner, allowing for the tag off to Razor as things speed up. The fallaway slam puts Kid on the floor but Sid breaks up the Razor’s Edge. Not that it matters as Razor hits a quick middle rope bulldog (his finisher before he was in the WWF) for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not a terrible match but it went on too long for what they were going for. Jannetty was an odd choice as Razor’s partner against DiBiase’s boys as he was basically fighting everyone himself, but it was all about the him vs. the Kid anyway. Nothing much to see here and not the best choice for an opening match.

Here’s Jerry Lawler in the ring with a present for the returning Jeff Jarrett. After sucking up to Jeff for awhile, the present is opened to reveal a gold record of Ain’t I Great, Jeff’s single from six months earlier. Jarrett brags about how great he is and it doesn’t make anything more interesting. The only thing of note is he enters himself in the Royal Rumble.

Dean Douglas vs. Ahmed Johnson

Douglas says he has a back injury and can’t wrestle, so here’s his prized student Buddy Landell.

Buddy Landell vs. Ahmed Johnson

This is actually a joke, as Buddy Landell is a Ric Flair ripoff and comes to the ring to Flair’s WWF music in a Flair style robe. Douglas hates Flair in real life (never mentioned here of course), so it’s supposed to be funny that Douglas is Flair’s teacher or something like that. Not that it matters as Ahmed, a muscular monster with one of the most intimidating looks ever, destroys Landell and beats him with a Pearl River Plunge (double underhook powerbomb) in 32 seconds.

Post match Johnson paddles Douglas with the Board of Education. This would be Douglas’ last appearance. Lawler interviews Johnson and calls him stupid, allowing Jarrett to break the gold record over Johnson’s head. Jeff also gets in a few chair shots and rams Ahmed into the steps a couple of times, but Ahmed no sells them and chases Jarrett off.

Todd gives Razor the letter from Goldust and Ramon is disgusted, because it’s 1995 and anyone gay has to be a heel right?

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Henry Godwinn

This is a hogpen match, meaning there’s an actual hog pen with pigs and mud near the entrance and the winner is the first man to send his opponent into said pin. Why is this match happening you ask? Simply put it’s because Godwinn is a hog farmer so he associates with hogs. One note characters like him had a lot to do with the downfall of the WWF at this point, as there’s no interest to such characters, meaning there’s no reason to stick around and watch them. The guest referee is 1980s crowd favorite Hillbilly Jim.

Godwinn slops the ring announcer before the match starts for no apparent reason. Helmsley jumps Godwinn but is quickly sent to the floor for his efforts. Back in and Henry ties him in the ropes so he can rub more slop in Helmsley’s face. After nearly retching, Helmsley takes it back to the floor, only to be bulldogged face first into the steps.

They head up the pen with Henry being whipped into the gate but still managing to block a Pedigree attempt with a backdrop. Helmsley lands on the edge of the pen and kicks Henry down before dropping an elbow to the chest. Lawler makes Jeff Foxworthy style jokes about being from Arkansas as they head back inside where Godwinn hits a big wheelbarrow slam. Helmsley is whipped to two corners and out to the floor for another handful of slop. Henry hits the Slop Drop up by the pen but can’t follow up. Instead he charges at Helmsley and gets backdropped into the slop to end things.

Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t that bad as it was a regular match until the ending. Again though, why am I supposed to care? It’s the lowest level of comedy and storytelling possible, which doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad, but we have no reason to care about either of these guys so why should I be interested in the match?

Post match Henry slams Helmsley into the pen for fun. That’s a nice idea as at least the fans get the (limited) payoff.

We recap Diesel’s change of attitude since he lost the world title at Survivor Series, which has seen him act much more aggressive. This was what he should have been doing as champion.

Diesel vs. Owen Hart

This is a revenge match for Diesel as Owen kicked Shawn Michaels in the head and put him on the shelf as a result. Diesel launches Owen into the corner to start and hits a big side slam for no cover. The arena is full of smoke from Diesel’s entrance. Owen comes back with some right hands but Diesel easily throws him to the outside for a meeting with Cornette.

Back in and Owen scores with a missile dropkick before going after Diesel’s knee to take him down. A spinwheel kick gets two on Diesel but he easily kicks Hart away to break up a spinning toe hold. Diesel comes back with a big boot and the Jackknife (“This is for you Shawn!”) but he takes his foot off Owen’s chest at two. The referee begs him to let it end so Diesel shoves him down for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The match was going along pretty well until the stupid ending. I understand that they’re trying to push Diesel as being more aggressive, but having him lose isn’t the way to go about doing that. This is Diesel’s third straight PPV loss which doesn’t make me think he’s a monster but rather a guy who can’t finish his opponents.

Here are Savio Vega and Santa Claus to hand out presents to the fans, but Ted DiBiase interrupts them. He says everyone has a price and calls them both into the ring. DiBiase doesn’t believe Santa can make it around the world in one night but he knows someone who can. Savio says he doesn’t have a price and says he believes in Santa.

However, this isn’t the real Santa. It’s really…..XANTA CLAUS, Santa’s evil brother from the south pole who steals presents from children. I wish I was making this up but I promise you it’s real. Xanta lays out Savio and leaves with DiBiase but Savio chases after them, only to get beaten up again. Vince: “SAY IT’S NOT SO!!!” Xanta is played by future ECW mainstay Balls Mahoney.

Mabel says he isn’t scared of the Undertaker, who has returned after having his face crushed by Mabel and Yokozuna. Tonight it’s a casket match, meaning you have to put your opponent in a casket and close the lid to win.

King Mabel vs. Undertaker

Mable now has a very stupid looking mohawk to go with his stupid looking gold and purple pajamas. He jumps Undertaker to start but Undertaker comes back with rights and lefts in the corner. Mabel takes him down with a Boss Man Slam but Undertaker pops right back up. A clothesline gets the same result but a slam keeps Undertaker down for a bit. Mabel goes up for a middle rope splash but Taker moves to avoid probably death. Instead a belly to belly and legdrop keep Undertaker down and there’s a splash for good measure.

Mabel and Sir Mo roll Taker into the casket but don’t shut the lid because they’re not that bright. Undertaker blocks the eventual lid closure as Mabel is dancing in the ring with his crown. Back in and Taker pounds away before kicking Mabel into the casket. Mo’s save is easily thwarted with a chokeslam and he gets thrown in as well. Undertaker takes back the necklace made from the Urn (don’t ask) and slams the lid shut for the win.

Rating: D+. This was about as perfect as you could get to end the Undertaker vs. Mabel feud but it doesn’t help that we had to sit through it for so many months. Thankfully Mabel was gone soon after this with his last notable appearance coming in January. Undertaker is a good force to have back in the company as he was probably the third most popular guy in the company at this point.

Post match Undertaker motions that he wants the WWF Title.

Jim Cornette walks us through Bret’s history with the Bulldog, who is married to Bret’s sister. Unlike in 1992 where the sister Diana was split on who to cheer for, she’s firmly in her husband’s corner tonight.

Bret says he’s making up for 1992 tonight.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. British Bulldog

The much stronger Bulldog shoves the champion into the corner to start but Bret grabs an armbar to take over. Davey flips around a lot but ultimately takes Bret down by the hair like a true villain should. Back to the armbar by Bret as we take a look at Cornette’s tennis racket cover which looks like Santa Claus’ face. Bret gets two off a cross body and goes right back to the arm. Smith comes back with another hair pull before tying Bret up in the Tree of Woe (hanging him upside down in the corner) to stomp away.

Off to the chinlock as the fans are solidly behind Bret. They soon get bored of cheering for him though and start chanting for the then upstart promotion ECW. Vince informs us that the Undertaker has challenged the winner of this match for the Royal Rumble. After a Cornette tennis racket shot we’re in the third chinlock less than ten minutes into the match before the required chest first bump into the buckle gets two on Hart.

A backdrop puts Bret down for two more and we hit the chinlock again. At least this time he makes it a headlock as the fans chant USA, in theory for the Canadian champion. Bret comes back with a monkey flip and a bulldog to the Bulldog for two. A piledriver lays Smith out for two more but Bulldog crotches Bret on the ropes to break up a superplex. Bret falls to the floor and the fans want a table. Instead they get the champion being sent into the steps as Bulldog is in control.

Smith sends him hard into the barricade and Bret is busted wide open. Back in and Bulldog piledrives Bret down for a near fall before pounding at the cut on the forehead. The delayed vertical suplex gets the same and there’s a gorilla press slam for good measure. Bulldog channels his former partner the Dynamite Kid with a headbutt to the back for two. Smith seems to have hurt his knee though so Bret tries a quick Sharpshooter, only to have Smith break it up just as easily.

A hard shoulder puts Bret onto the floor so Smith can try to get some feeling back into his knee. Bret counters a suplex back inside into a rollup for yet another near fall before a double clothesline puts both guys down. They’re quickly back up and a backdrop puts Smith on the floor. Bret is ticked off now and dives over the top to pound away on Smith even more. Davey will have none of that though and powerslams Bret down on the floor to suck the life out of the crowd.

The protective mats are peeled back but Bret blocks a suplex by crotching Davey on the barricade in a nice callback to earlier in the match. Bret clotheslines him off the barricade and heads back inside where a backbreaker gets two. Now the superplex connects for two and an O’Connor Roll gets the same. In a really sudden finish, Bulldog charges into a boot in the corner and Bret cradles him for the pin. The look on Diana’s face makes the ending even better as it almost says “HOW DARE YOU KEEP THE TITLE!”

Rating: B-. This got WAY better in the end but the first ten minutes or so of this were pretty dreadful. Also the ending didn’t do it any favors as I was expecting a callback to the Summerslam 1992 match but we didn’t get anything close to it. Still though, good match and by far the best thing we’ve had on one of these shows in the last two shows.

Paul Bearer (Undertaker’s odd manager) and Undertaker are pleased that they get a title shot at the Royal Rumble. Diesel comes in and says it’s his shot. The giants stare each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. While this isn’t a good show, it’s WAY better than the previous two entries in the series. Bret is just better as champion as he can work with almost any style and get a better match out of most people. The rest of the card was pretty horrible, but things would be changing quickly around here which is the best thing that could have happened for the WWF.

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