Smackdown Date: May 12, 2016
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Byron Saxton, Jerry Lawler
It’s kind of hard to say what to expect around here as the show has been bouncing back and forth between focusing on the Intercontinental Title feud and then the World Title situation. The former tends to be the more interesting and it should be a fun show tonight with all four people being thrown together in a tag match. Let’s get to it.
Here’s Dean Ambrose to get things going. Lawler thinks Jericho should press charges against Dean for destroying the jacket. Well, uh, YEAH probably but that’s the kind of thing that doesn’t happen in wrestling. Dean thinks they’re even now because Jericho smashed Mitch over the back of his head to try and take away everything he has. This ring is all that he’s got and as long as his heart is beating, no one is going to take it away. Now the question is what can Dean take away from Jericho and the first thing that comes to his mind is Jericho’s ego.
After Dean gets done with him, Jericho isn’t even going to be sure if wrestling is for him anymore. The lights go out and Jericho’s music comes on, only to have Jericho appear behind Dean and lay him out. That’s not it though as he pulls out a straitjacket to tie Dean down. Ambrose wakes up as Jericho shouts that Dean needs to get crazy while beating him in the head. A Codebreaker stops Dean’s comeback and a second one FINALLY has referees out here to break it up. Jericho does his Gift of Jericho pose on the announcers’ table.
Rusev vs. Sin Cara
Kalisto is on commentary and says helping Cara on Monday was just being a team. Rusev drops him with an early clothesline and stomps away as Kalisto stumbles over his battle plan for the pay per view. A kick to the chest puts Cara down again and we hear about Steph Curry for no good reason.
In your random insult of the week, Rusev has dubbed Kalisto the smelly boy who hides behind a mask. Cara starts kicking at the leg and scores with some right hands, followed by a top rope flip attack. As this is going on, Lana throws water on Kalisto for a distraction so Rusev can kick him in the head. Back in and the superkick sets up the Accolade to make Cara tap at 3:09.
Rating: D. SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF MONDAY??? If you’re just going to have Rusev squash Cara like he always should, why have him lose in the first place? As usual it comes off like WWE has no idea what they’re doing from one show to another and just does stuff for the sake of doing it instead of with any kind of logical reasoning or planning behind it.
We look at Dana Brooke debuting and helping beat down Becky Lynch on Monday.
Emma introduces Dana, who is ready to destroy Becky tonight. People forget that Emma used to be on top of the NXT women’s division but Dana has never forgotten and knows what Emma can do. This needed more patting on the head.
Becky Lynch vs. Dana Brooke
Lynch forearms her to start and pats Dana on the head, only to be pulled down by the hair. Dana stomps her on the mat and cranks on an arm and leg at the same time. Becky starts her comeback with a clothesline and a leg lariat but Dana sends her throat first into the ropes so Emma can poke her in the eye. Dana grabs a jackknife cover for the pin at 2:52. This was really awkward, which I’m sure has nothing to do with Dana debuting in September 2014 and being injured for months but still being called up to the main roster anyway.
Video on the end of Monday’s six man tag and the post match showdown between Reigns and Styles.
AJ gives Anderson and Gallows a pep talk for tonight but says he’s banned from ringside. They seem to be officially going with The Club.
Here’s New Day for their weekly chat. Big E. nearly swears about what happened on Monday, which Woods says was the Vaudevillians Kanye Westing them. By that he doesn’t mean marrying someone who has a big……I think you get the idea. Actually Woods means getting involved in something that was none of his business. They’re stuck in the 1830s and at Extreme Rules they’ll be knocked into the DeLorean and sent back to the future. Cue the Vaudevillians to sing about how they’ll win the titles a week from Sunday. Soon the sun will set on the New Day and the night belongs to the Vaudevillians.
Aiden English vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi dropkicks him at the bell and stomps the heck out of him in the corner. English gets sent outside but catches a sliding Kofi and sends him face first into the post to take over. Big E. holds up the cereal to bring Kofi back to life (needs more Lion King), which actually seems to work as Kofi kicks English in the face and gets two off a high cross body. A top rope splash to the back gets two but everyone else gets ejected. Things settle down and Kofi grabs a sunset flip, only to have English drop down and put his hand on the ropes for the big upset at 3:52.
Rating: C. English is better in the ring than he’s given credit for but it’s pretty difficult to have a bad match against someone like Kofi Kingston. I still don’t buy the Vaudevillians as taking the titles away from New Day as Anderson/Gallows should have that spot locked up but at least the build has been set up very well.
Reigns is also banned from ringside but he’s ready to come out and deal with Styles if necessary.
Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs. Usos
Reigns and Styles are banned from ringside. Karl and Jey get things going with Jey in control before it’s off to Jimmy for a running forearm. It’s Gallows pulling Jimmy down by the hair and coming in for a slam. Anderson pounds away in the corner even more as Ranallo mentions Karl teaming with Giant Bernard, who Lawler says he hasn’t heard from in a long time.
Anderson finally misses an elbow and it’s off to Jey as things speed up. There’s a powerslam to Karl but Gallows kicks Jey in the face and we take a break. Back with Anderson dropping a knee for two before it’s back to Gallows for a chinlock. With that going nowhere, Gallows opts to just punch Jey in the corner. A superkick gets Jey out of trouble and the diving tag brings in Jimmy for the real house cleaning. Another superkick drops Anderson and sets up the Superfly Splash, only to have Gallows pull Jimmy to the floor. Gallows throws him over the announcers’ table and that’s a DQ at 11:39.
Rating: C-. The match was fine (albeit a bit slow paced) but the problem here is I’m sick of seeing them fight. This is the sixth time in three weeks that they’ve been in the same match. They’re not bad or anything but it’s the same problem WWE has so often: eventually people get sick of them and it’s time for something fresh. Have the Hype Bros comes up from NXT get squashed by Anderson and Gotch or put the Social Outcasts against the Usos or something but stop just doing the same thing and then expecting us to care when you put this on pay per view (which you know they will).
The beating continues post match as Anderson kicks Jey in the face and the twins are beaten down with a chair. You know, the match is over so there’s nothing keeping Reigns from coming out for the save.
R-Truth waters his selfie stick and gets his phone wet.
Here’s our first Life Lesson With Coach Backlund. Bob asks Darren what time his watch says. Darren pulls out his phone to check the time but Backlund thinks he’s making a phone call. His advice is to not call the operator and waste her time about the time. Young says no one wears watches anymore and he has everything on his desktop on his smart phone. Backlund: “I don’t care if your phone is Einstein!” He wants the mail in a mailbox, a calendar on a wall and the desktop on top of a desk. Darren is told to do 200 squats and that’s just fine with him. Again they weren’t even in the same room, which makes this even better.
On a related sidenote: since when did wearing a watch become something so horrible? Yeah you can check your phone, or you can flick your eyes over to your wrist and see what time it is. You might even be able to do that without then needing to check 14 things on your phone and getting distracted by something. Since when did that become some arcane way of thinking?
Goldango vs. Gorgeous Truth
Breeze and Fandango open things up but it’s off to Goldust and Truth less than thirty seconds in. Neither of them want to fight though so Truth tags Breeze back in, only to have Tyler knock Truth off the apron. Fandango turns on Goldust as well and Breeze pins Goldust (off a single clothesline, the only move Goldust took all match) for the pin at 1:39.
The beatdown is on and Goldust tries to cover Truth. That’s a nice gesture but if I’m Truth, I’d try to find a partner who can survive a clothesline.
Greetings From Puerto Rico. Their new name is the Shining Stars.
We look at Ric Flair being escorted out of the building in the way too complicated segment on Monday.
Charlotte calls that a travesty because Ric Flair deserves better treatment than that. Ric guarantees that Charlotte will retain the title at Extreme Rules but Charlotte looks unsure. To recap, the idea here is that Charlotte is in trouble without Flair and Ric is the one who is confident. In other words: Flair looks good and Charlotte looks almost inept. As usual, advantage Flair.
Cesaro/Sami Zayn vs. The Miz/Kevin Owens
This should be good. During Miz’s entrance, Owens jumps on commentary to say he’s allowing Miz one last chance to be a good partner before he takes the title at Extreme Rules. Miz and Cesaro get things going with the latter grabbing a headlock. A backbreaker gets two on Miz so Owens shouts about how he can do better. That’s fine with Miz who brings Owens in, followed by Sami tagging himself in as well.
Zayn hammers away in the corner and Lawler correctly says the referee should be admonishing Sami for the punches. Miz comes in and bails to the floor but Owens won’t let him leave. The good guys hit some dives to take the villains down and we take a break. Back with Sami slamming Miz and low bridging him out to the floor. Owens gets in a cheap shot though and it’s time for Sami to be in trouble. A hard kick to the back sets up a camel clutch from Miz.
Owens to Byron: “YOU BETTER PRAISE ME!” The Reality Check gets two for Miz but Sami comes back with one of those clotheslines to drop the champ. There’s the Blue Thunder Bomb (whose name confuses Lawler) to finally allow the tag off to Cesaro. Owens gets to eat some uppercuts and Cesaro runs to the floor for the uppercut against the barricade on Miz. The high cross body gets two on Owens but Sami’s Helluva Kick hits Cesaro by mistake. Owens adds the frog splash for the pin on Cesaro at 12:45.
Rating: C+. Standard Smackdown main event tag with a nice bonus of having Sami and Cesaro screw up to add some tension there. They’re actually pulling off the four way feud here as everyone wants to beat everyone else but it’s all about the title (mostly) instead of personal feelings. Good match here though and the kind of thing you would expect on Smackdown.
Sami takes the Pop Up Powerbomb but Miz gives Owens the Skull Crushing Finale to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This is what you come to know and expect from Smackdown with the watchable wrestling and meaningless storyline development as almost none of this will be brought up on Raw. You really have to take this show on a week to week basis as it really is just about whether or not the show happens to be good that particular week. Nothing much to see here though and that’s Smackdown in a nutshell.
Results
Rusev b. Sin Cara – Accolade
Dana Brooke b. Becky Lynch – Jackknife rollup
Aiden English b. Kofi Kingston – Rollup while grabbing the rope
Usos b. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows via DQ when Gallows threw Jimmy over the table
Gorgeous Truth b. Goldango – Breeze pinned Goldust after a clothesline from Fandango
Miz/Kevin Owens b. Cesaro/Sami Zayn – Frog splash to Cesaro
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Ring of Honor TV – May 11, 2016: If They Don’t Care, Then I Don’t Care
Ring of Honor Date: May 11, 2016
Hosts: Mandy Leon, Kevin Kelly
It’s a special preview show for the Global Wars pay per view which has likely already aired assuming you don’t have this show in syndication. The only match announced for the show is Jay Lethal defending the World Title against the returning Colt Cabana. Aside from that it’s a bunch of Ring of Honor and New Japan stars mixed together for a single show. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Mandy and Kevin welcome us to the show and this really is just going to be one big preview.
We start with a clip from Final Battle where Bobby Fish made Roderick Strong tap but the referee didn’t see it, meaning the title didn’t change. Fish then pestered Strong until Strong lost the title to Tomohiro Ishii. We get a clip of the title change which we saw in full a few weeks back. Then Ishii beat the two of them at the 14th Anniversary Show, setting up a 2/3 falls match at Supercard of Honor X where Fish beat Strong 2-1.
Next up we have Tetsuya Naito vs. Kyle O’Reilly. Kyle had been in a long feud with Adam Cole, who he finally defeated at Supercard of Honor by choking Cole out with a chain. The clip of the match is the entire preview of this match.
Also at Supercard of Honor, Stokely Hathaway set up a tag match between Kazuchika Okada/Moose vs. Michael Elgin/Hiroshi Tanahashi. This means a clip of the ending of Okada vs. Moose from the Anniversary Show. Again: nothing more than that clip to show respect between the two.
There’s also a fourway tag with the Bullet Club vs. Matt Sydal/Kushida/Motor City Machine Guns. That means a preview by means of Bullet Club (different combination than at Global Wars) vs. Sydal/Kushida/ACH from the Anniversary Show. In other words: that was awesome so now come pay for another version of the same thing.
We actually cover a match with a story. War Machine is defending the Tag Team Titles against the Briscoe Brothers as the Brothers haven’t been around the titles for a long time now and wanted the belts back. That’s not cool with War Machine so it’s time for a rematch from a big match they had a few years back. War Machine has never beaten the Briscoes so there’s quite the backstory here. We get a clip from the two teams fighting back in 2015.
The Briscoes say War Machine can’t call themselves the best until they beat dem boys.
Video on Colt Cabana vs. Jay Lethal, which is either the same video as last week or so close that it doesn’t make a difference.
We get some clips of Cabana’s ROH highlights to show that he is more than just a comedy guy.
In case you haven’t seen enough of Cabana, here’s part of a 2/3 falls match he had against CM Punk on August 13, 2005 at Punk: The Final Chapter.
CM Punk vs. Colt Cabana
Joined in progress with Cabana grabbing a few headscissor takeovers to keep Punk on the mat and drawing a nice round of applause. Back up and Punk tries a monkey flip, only to get stomped on the face so Colt can strut a bit. Punk wants him to be serious for a change but the distraction lets Cabana grab a headlock.
We go old school (in case show a match almost eleven years old isn’t enough for you) with a crisscross. Colt stops and tells Punk to look up. Punk: “No!” Colt: “There’s a bear up there!” Punk: “NO!” Colt stomps on the foot instead and we’re clipped ahead to Colt grabbing a Boston crab as the announcers finally let us know that we’re in the third fall. Punk finally makes the ropes and comes back with a reverse hurricanrana.
We come back from a break with Colt getting in a super reverse DDT and both guys are spent. There’s the Anaconda Vice (or at least a version of it as the arm isn’t tied here) but Colt gets his feet on the ropes. The Pepsi Plunge (Punk’s middle rope Pedigree) is countered into a super Samoan drop but Punk grabs a crucifix for two.
Punk swears at him to start a slugout before kicking away at the leg to set up a Shining Wizard for two. A quick suplex is countered into a rollup to give Colt the pin out of nowhere at about 7:00 shown. I won’t rate the match since it was so clipped but what we saw was fine, for an eleven year old match with almost no connection to anything going on at the moment.
One last rundown of the Global Wars card and we’re off the air after 58 minutes.
Overall Rating: F. Nope. I know what Ring of Honor was going for here but I’m not going to accept this mess. This is the kind of show that should have aired on the website or something but above all else, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BEFORE THE PAY PER VIEW. It also might have helped if we saw some actual promos or something other than a match that took place nearly eleven years ago. Ring of Honor should be better than this but somehow they managed to mess up what should be the easiest idea in the world. Above all else here, I’m disappointed, which is about the worst thing you can be.
New Column: Champions Losing Is A Bad Idea
You kind of have to keep it simple when you’re trying to teach people this thickheaded.
NXT Date: May 11, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
Finn Balor is back tonight and it’s already time for him to go after his NXT Title again. Balor lost the belt a few weeks back at a house show to new champion Samoa Joe, meaning Finn’s target should be obvious. Other than that it’s time to really hit the gas on building towards the next Takeover which is scheduled for about a month from now. Let’s get to it.
We open with a video on Finn Balor, talking about how the title is his obsession before the loss to Joe. I believe this aired last week as well. Balor may have lost the title but it’s time to embrace the demon inside.
Here’s Finn to open things up. After a THANK YOU FINN chant, Balor thanks the fans and talks about how the matches with Joe could have gone either way but he won the first two. Before he can talk about what happened in the third match, Elias Samson comes out to sing about Balor’s masquerade being exposed. Samson says Finn is nothing without the title so Balor kicks him in the head to put Elias outside. The guitar goes flying but thankfully Samson makes the save. Jeff Jarrett is somewhere groaning at the guitar not being destroyed.
Last week, Eric Young called himself a world class maniac who is so glad to finally be here in NXT.
Balor wants Samson tonight.
American Alpha vs. Corey Hollis/John Skyler
Non-title. Chad takes Skyler to the mat to start and we get the Kurt Angle themed chant. Hollis comes in and gets headlocked down as well before we hit the seated armbar. It’s off to Jordan who easily throws Hollis into the air for a face first crash onto the mat. A double hiptoss puts Hollis down and there’s a double dropkick for Skyler as this is completely one sided so far.
Hollis finally realizes that he can cheat and the jobbers take over on Gable for the first time. Skyler drops a knee for two and we hit the chinlock. That works for all of five seconds before it’s off to Jordan as house is cleaned. Cue the Revival on the ramp for a distraction but Grand Amplitude puts Hollis away at 5:10.
Rating: C-. This was a nearly complete squash and that’s all it needed to be. Alpha is so far ahead of everyone else right now that it wouldn’t make sense to have them do anything but squash other teams. Revival vs. Alpha II should be a really solid brawl though and it would help to have something like No DQ involved. A regular match would be fine too though.
Shinsuke Nakamura is asked what he thinks about Alex Riley’s rage. Nakamura starts shaking, like he has rage you see.
Alex Riley vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Riley had been calling himself the white lion down in NXT, at least until he got released a few weeks after this. Riley goes right after him to start like he’s a guy about to be released going after one of the top stars in the promotion. Nakamura misses a knee though and Riley hammers away, earning himself a string of knees and forearms to the ribs and face. The running knee in the corner sets up the inverted exploder suplex, followed by Kinshasa to put Riley away at 2:38.
Austin Aries is in William Regal’s office to say he wants to prove he’s the best. Blake and Murphy come in to talk about being disrespected. Aries: “You don’t even have the decency to bring Alexa Bliss with you?” Bliss comes in and yelling ensues so Regal makes Blake/Murphy vs. Aries/a partner of his choice next week. Aries pulls out his phone and implies he knows someone.
Alexa Bliss vs. Rachel Ellering
That would be Paul’s daughter. Bliss starts on the arm by bouncing it off the mat and working on an armbar. A forearm gets two on Rachel and it’s back to the armbar. The comeback goes nowhere as Bliss does the psycho eyes choke to set up the Sparkle Splash for the pin at 3:52.
Rating: D. They’re doing a good job of setting up Bliss as the midcard heel though I can’t imagine her ever being a real threat to someone like Asuka. Ellering was really just there and didn’t show anything outside of being competent in the ring. Then again that’s been the case several times before, but she’s a long way behind Tessa Blanchard in terms of potential.
Bayley says she’s getting ready for her rematch when Nia Jax interrupts. She learned from the loss to Bayley but it’s clear that Bayley has learned nothing from losing the title. A challenge for a rematch is issued and Bayley says she can choke Nia out again. This was a really awkward, and likely WAY too scripted, exchange.
Bayley vs. Nia is official for next week.
Finn Balor vs. Elias Samson
Just regular Finn here and his shoulder is taped up. Feeling out process to start until Balor knocks him to the floor and takes us to a break. Back with Balor holding an armbar and the fans saying it NEEDS MORE COWBELL. Samson fires off some forearms but Balor just blasts him in the face a few times. Some running chops in the corner put Samson on the floor for a baseball slide. The Sling Blade sets up 1916 for the pin on Samson at 7:47.
Rating: C-. This was fine and did exactly what it was supposed to do. In theory this sets up another Balor vs. Joe match but I’m really not needing to see them fight for a third time out of four total major matchups. This is also where Samson is a good player. He’s not going to be a top heel anytime soon but those songs are enough to get the fans hating him every week and then he can take a beating and make someone else look good. That’s an important role to have and Samson is as good of an option as they have for it at the moment.
Balor says he wants his rematch for the title because it belongs to him. Now he’s possessed like a demon stalking his prey so here’s Samoa Joe to interrupt. Before it can get physical, Regal comes out to make Balor vs. Joe III for Takeover on June 8. That’s really rare for NXT as they almost never have feuds go on this long. Joe yells a lot so Balor dives over the top to take him out.
Overall Rating: C+. They’re finally starting to set up some stuff for the next Takeover, which is a good thing even though I’m not wild on the main event they’re going with. However, this was a step up over last week’s show and they’re setting up some stuff for the future, which is where NXT shines best. Aries’ partner could be interesting and you don’t know what they might pull off for that.
Results
American Alpha b. Corey Hollis/John Skyler – Grand Amplitude to Hollis
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Alex Riley – Kinshasa
Alexa Bliss b. Rachel Ellering – Sparkle Splash
Finn Balor b. Elias Samson – 1916
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Nitro – December 18, 2000: They’ve Still Got It
Monday Nitro #271 Date: December 18, 2000
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 2,872
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden
Since even WCW isn’t stupid enough to hold a TV show on Christmas night or New Year’s Day, this is the last Monday Nitro of 2000. It’s also the night after Starrcade and a grand total of nothing happened. Steiner is still World Champion, Goldberg is still undefeated (and still feuding with Lex Luger for whatever reason) and the Insiders are still a thing because of reasons. Let’s get to it.
Ric Flair welcomes us to the show and talks about how awesome tonight is going to be. We’ll be seeing Buff Bagwell vs. Goldberg but more importantly we’re going to find out who is going to challenge Steiner for the World Title at Sin. Flair implies that it might be multiple opponents, which would at least be a bit more interesting.
Quick recap of last night’s show with a traditional highlight package.
Opening sequence.
Shannon Moore vs. Shane Helms
Winner gets the title shot and for some reason Helms doesn’t get an introduction. They shake hands and start with a fast paced pinfall reversal sequence before Shane turns things up by throwing him over the top by the hair. Shannon pulls him to the floor for a hurricanrana, only to get powerslammed off the top for two. The X Plex (arm trap German suplex) gets two on Shannon before he misses a hurricanrana, allowing Shane to get in a great looking top rope sunset flip for two. Instead the Vertebreaker puts Shannon away with ease.
Rating: B-. This was the old school cruiserweight formula with both guys just doing high spots to wake the crowd up. It’s sad that the company had to go out so soon after this as the division was definitely undergoing a renaissance around this time and it could have been interesting to see where things were going.
Chavo runs in to go after Shane but gets laid out as well.
Hugh Morrus yells at Lash for saving Chavo last night.
Here’s Scott Steiner with something to say. Scott thinks Flair is taking his job as CEO way too seriously because he can’t handle being an average champion by comparison. Steiner dominates while Flair had to squeak by and being CEO is a tough job because Flair can’t find any wrestlers to fight him. Maybe Flair can convince Diamond Dallas Page to get a sex change so he has the balls to face him. That line was allegedly a shoot and led to a fight in the back where Steiner went after Page’s eyes and caused Page and Nash to walk out.
This brings out Ric to say he’s going to make Sin’s main event a three way match with a mini tournament tonight to decide on one opponent. Ric isn’t going to announce who the four participants are so Steiner doesn’t lay them all out. On top of that, there’s going to be a mystery opponent who will be here tonight.
Jimmy Hart does his DJ challenge.
Buff Bagwell laughs at Goldberg spelling “stuff” wrong when he signed a copy of his book. Now Bagwell is here to save the company and has formed a new tag team called Totally Buff. Before Luger can say anything, Scott Steiner comes in and almost begs Luger to help him find out who is in the mini tournament.
Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Meng
Meng is challenging and has Paisley/Kwee Wee with him. Funk pops up on screen to call Meng out to the back for a fight in a cage. Meng heads back to fight him and it’s just in the regular places instead of a cage. I guess old people who are here for no apparent reason are false advertisers as well. They hit each other with some weapons and Funk gets handcuffed. Funk actually begs off, only to say Meng has a big nose.
We get the hit/walk sequence with Meng beating him back into the arena and then the ring. Funk gets in a trashcan shot of his own but Meng shrugs it off and sets up a table. Meng’s splash goes through the table instead of Funk but that’s not sold either. The Death Grip goes on, only to have Crowbar come out and hit Meng with the monkey wrench to give Funk the pin.
Rating: D-. How much good can come from a man in his mid 50s being hit with a trashcan? Apparently quite a bit in WCW’s eyes as they seem perfectly happy to let it happen here and then again in his next title defense. It’s almost like they’re turning this into a joke, like almost everything else around here.
Crowbar, again with the crazy man look, wants Funk and the title at Sin.
Now Steiner wants Jarrett’s help as well.
Vito wants to know where Reno’s family values are. He’s coming for Reno and the Thrillers.
Crowbar tells Mike Awesome to drop the 70s stuff. Didn’t he already drop that nonsense?
Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio
This is the first qualifying match for the #1 contenders match. Before the match, Storm says it’s time for him to win the one title he’s never won. Rey has taped ribs coming in but still headscissors Storm down and grabs a rollup for two. Storm gets knocked into the corner and the referee takes a shot to the leg in what seemed like a real injury. A Lionsault hits Storm’s raised knees and Storm gets two of his own off a backbreaker.
They head outside with Rey being sent hard into the barricade as they’re going with a very simple and logical formula here. Back in and Rey scores with a clothesline (not a move I remember him ever using), only to get caught in an abdominal stretch. Rey gets out again but misses a springboard splash to hurt the ribs even further. A headscissors puts Storm on the floor and Rey hits a running flip dive into a seated senton because Rey Mysterio is Spanish for what bad ribs. Now the springboard splash connects for two but a quick Mapleleaf makes Rey tap.
Rating: B. Take two talented wrestlers and let them have a good wrestling match with a simple story. What else were you really expecting out of something like this? It’s also cool to see Storm get a chance at a slightly higher spot up on the card. I was really liking this and again I got WAY more out of a basic wrestling match like this over one of the multiple wild brawls last night at Starrcade.
Mike Awesome vs. Jeff Jarrett
This is the other qualifying match, but first of all let’s have Awesome call himself a love doctor crossed with a career killer. I’m not sure how to take that one but it sounds like an upgrade. Awesome throws him up into the air for a big crash and a near fall, followed by a release German suplex. A Stunner across the top rope sends Awesome to the floor and Jeff puts him face first into a chair. Mike drive him back first into the apron a few times before going over to the announcers’ table to complete a requirement.
A powerbomb is broken up with a low blow however and Jeff gets in that dropkick of his for two. Awesome shrugs it off (well it was just a dropkick) and gets two off a Batista Bomb. Mike uses a lifting Pedigree of all things (Stevie Ray’s Slapjack, which I guess is fair game now) for two but the referee gets bumped a few seconds later. Jeff gets the guitar but it’s quickly taken away, only to have Jarrett pull out another one to knock Awesome silly for the pin.
Rating: C-. Nowhere near as entertaining as the previous match as Awesome really isn’t someone who does well outside of the high impact style, which isn’t exactly Jarrett’s forte. It wasn’t terrible or anything but that guitar shot is turning into one of the most overused finishes I’ve ever seen.
Steiner goes after Jarrett in the back but Jeff says he wants in the title match to watch Steiner’s back.
Glacier is still returning and Norman Smiley dances in happiness.
Shane Douglas wants to fight Hugh Morrus again on Thunder and wants the Misfits involved. He’s hired Kronik to make sure everything is all nice and fair.
Clip of Goldberg on the Man Show.
Awesome freaks out in the back.
No Nitro for the next two weeks.
The Cat vs. Alex Wright
For some reason Cat asks Wright to dance some more. Alex does so but Cat says he’d rather see Madden get in the ring and dance. Thankfully that goes nowhere (the last thing we need is Madden thinking more people care about him) and it’s Cat missing his kicks to start. Alex throws him out to the floor as Madden gets up and runs away, likely due to the announcers talking about the Insiders for reasons that aren’t exactly clear. They trade drink shots as Madden is now back on commentary and a big Wright fan.
Back in and a Saito suplex gets two for Alex and it’s right back to the floor. They go inside again as it’s clear that Wright doesn’t have much of an idea of what to do with this much time. An armbar goes nowhere so Alex cranks on the other arm. Cat gets up for a quick Feliner and the pin.
Rating: D-. You know, you can come up with a lot of reasons why WCW wasn’t anything worth watching around this time and this is another added to the pile: a lot of the wrestling was absolutely horrible. It’s never a good sign when the only good thing about a match is the fact that Ms. Jones looked great. Horribly uninteresting stuff here as people shouldn’t be repeating spots in a six minute match.
The Thrillers arrive in a limo.
Scott Steiner beats up some cruiserweights because they’re around and not doing anything else.
Here are the Thrillers for a chat. Sanders makes trailer park jokes and then stands around wasting time. Eventually he says they give the children something to look up to and men a reason to get in the gym. Mike rips on the Insiders for not being here tonight and says they’ll be defending the titles at Sin.
Their opponents will be….announced later as here’s Ric Flair to brag about how many women he would get back in the Horsemen days. Anyway, Perfect Event is awesome but they’ll be involved in a tag team battle royal on Thunder to determine the #1 contenders. This took WAY too long to get to the point but you had to expect something like that with Sanders on the mic.
Buff Bagwell vs. Goldberg
It’s a chase to start but Luger is waiting on the floor with a chair to hit Goldberg for the DQ at about thirty seconds. Why not hit Bagwell so Goldberg loses via DQ? Oh and a better question: WHY IS THIS FEUD GOING TO THREE FREAKING PAY PER VIEWS???
Goldberg gets beaten down until Sarge comes in for the save.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Lance Storm
The winner goes to the title match at Sin. Feeling out process to start with Jarrett hiptossing him down but getting kicked away. Jeff takes him into the corner but gets tossed to the floor. Storm misses a dive to the floor and tweaks his knee, setting up a very quick Figure Four. The hold is turned over again and Storm gets two off a crucifix as this is the most technical match WCW has had in months. Jeff throws him onto the top for a superplex and a near fall. Jarrett’s enziguri misses and he has to get over to the ropes to save himself. A Stroke out of nowhere sends Jeff to Sin.
Rating: C. This was BEGGING for five more minutes but we were lucky enough to get the Cat vs. Alex Wright instead. Other than that it was a fun match though with two guys who can work a basic yet still entertaining style as well as anyone else. It wasn’t a classic or anything but what else were you expecting here?
Post match Steiner runs out and demands to know who the mystery man is. He heads to the back and sees Flair but a masked man jumps him and beats the champ down to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. I’m as shocked as you are but there was a heck of a show and a masterpiece by WCW’s standards. They kept the stupid things on low tonight and just had wrestling matches that advanced stories and helped set up the pay per view. Given that they’re out of two weeks of Nitro due to the holidays, this was a night where they had to get A LOT done and believe it or not they actually pulled it off. This is likely the final good episode and I can actually live with that.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling Date: May 10, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We’re about a month away from Slammiversary and for the most part the show hasn’t been brought up yet. Save for maybe a mention here or there, nothing yet has been announced. I’m sure you can figure out most of the card by this point though and things are ranging from interesting to not all that great. Let’s get to it.
The announcers talk about Lashley being the new #1 contender to the World Title.
We recap last week’s triple threat main event with Decay beating down Jeff Hardy so Lashley could get the win and the title shot.
Here’s Jeff Hardy to get things going by calling out Decay. Cue the whole team with Abyss talking about how Jeff’s devotion to the fans have made him weak. Steve says the same things so Jeff thinks the only way you can decay is when you die. “And that’s ok because I’m about to kill you.”
Rosemary implies that they were paid off to take out Hardy (well someone has to pay for that face paint) and that person will reveal themselves at the right time (It’s going to be Matt Hardy. Just save time and say it’s Matt Hardy already. Everyone knows it’s going to be Matt Hardy so just say it’s Matt Hardy and get us to the TLC match they’re going to have at Slammiversary, likely in the real main event.).
For now the brawl is on until James Storm comes out for the save. Abyss is willing to destroy both of them for free tonight. Jeff: “Let’s pretend I’m the weatherman.” No Jeff, I don’t want to pretend you’re a weatherman. It’s something about a charismatic storm after the break.
Tag Team Titles: Jeff Hardy/James Storm vs. Decay
Decay is defending and this is Storm’s guaranteed rematch since Roode is gone. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Storm for some clotheslines on Abyss before a Sling Blade gets two. Abyss drops Storm though and chokeslams Steve onto him for a near fall of his own. Storm raises a boot to stop a charging Steve and brings in Jeff for a Twist of Fate on Abyss. The Swanton is loaded up but the lights go out and Willow (Jeff’s old character) appears on stage. Gee, I wonder who is under the mask. A double mist from Decay sets up the Black Hole Slam on Jeff to retain the titles at 6:15.
Rating: D+. Yeah it’s going to be Matt Hardy. As usual this is one of those ideas that really doesn’t need to be this in depth but TNA feels the need to build up the Hardy vs. Hardy feud, which really should be the biggest story in the history of wrestling because the Hardys are totally huge deals who have NEVER had a major violent feud before.
Remember how we looked at the triple threat match from last week? Well now we’re going to do that again, for the second time in about twenty minutes.
Drew Galloway doesn’t like Lashley.
Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis were at a Smashing Pumpkins concert last week and hung out with the band after the show.
Here’s Galloway for a chat. Drew is sick of Lashley and wants him out here right now. Lashley comes out and we get the traditional exchange of respectful greetings. We hear about how Lashley got into Kurt Angle’s head, which Drew says is Lashley’s game. He’ll try to get inside your head and then break you down physically, but Drew wants to fight tonight. Lashley says we can wait a week and leaves but Drew is going to fight tonight.
Cue Eli Drake to say it’ll never be over between the two of them. Drake is here to win gold and he’s going to win it all, even if he has to learn to do flips and win the Tag Team Titles on his own. Tonight though he’ll take that World Title and it’s time for a fight with a title match starting after a break.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eli Drake
Drew is defending of course. Drake starts choking and drops a leg for two before they head outside with Drew firing off chops. Back in and the Future Shock is broken up so Drew settles for a snap powerslam for two. Drake tries to bring in the briefcase but the referee takes it away. Instead it’s the Claymore to the face and the Future Shock to retain the title at 5:42.
Rating: C-. As usual Drake isn’t much beyond competent in the ring but at least we got to hear some of his sweet mic work earlier in the night. I’m really not wild on the World Title being on in the first hour, especially given what is likely going to be happening in the main event slot. This was fine enough though.
Ethan Carter III wants a rematch with Mike Bennett and isn’t leaving the ring until he gets it.
Jade and Gail Kim are in Maria’s office and are going to be facing each other tonight. Maria wants a five star match like the ones that Davey M. guy is always talking about.
Here’s Ethan Carter, who makes sure to soak in some of the cheers before getting to his point. For over two years he was unbreakable, unbendable and unbeatable but now he’s just a man with a vendetta. Therefore, Bennett needs to fetch his wife and get out here to talk business. I’m sure there’s a reason Maria changed outfits between segments. Maria loads up her name but Ethan dubs her Toots McGee and cuts her off.
Mike says he has a huge ego because he was the first man to beat the unbeatable. Ethan wants a rematch right now but apparently Maria has talked to Billy Corgan and there’s a new idea. Apparently Mike has a challenge for Ethan in the form of a road to redemption. We’ll start tonight inside Six Sides of Steel with Ethan facing…..someone.
We look back at Willow distracting Jeff Hardy earlier tonight.
Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Jade
Jade is defending and Sienna is at ringside. Gail takes it to the mat for an early headlock but Jade comes back with one of her own. A crucifix is countered but Gail counters the counter into an armdrag, followed by an exchange of hurricanranas. They shake hands until Jade gets in a German suplex for two. A cross armbreaker over the ropes has Gail in trouble but Kim sends her outside for a suicide dive. Sienna offers a distraction so Jade can get in a suicide dive of her own, only to have Sienna beat Jade down for the DQ at 5:30.
Rating: C. The match was fine but it was clear that they were doing the mirroring story, which almost guaranteed the interference for the DQ ending. It’s a really good idea to have Sienna as an enforcer for Maria because no one is going to buy Maria as someone who can beat Gail or even hang with her. There was nothing to the match of course but there was no reason for there to be one here.
Sienna beats both of them down post match.
We go to Al Snow’s Wrestling Academy with a trainer torturing a student, which is how things used to be. Snow rants about how this is now the exception because it’s all about how the young guys get to come in and live their dreams without putting in any effort. Snow wants to be the Donald Trump of wrestling and make it great again, starting with Grado and Shera.
Ethan wants to know his opponent.
Al Snow vs. Mahabali Shera
Snow gets him into a chase around the ring before grabbing a wristlock back inside. They head outside with Snow pulling out a foreign object for a shot to the throat. Pope: “The Sheik just texted me.” That’s only good for two so Snow chokes with wrist tape for two more. The fans chant for Grado as Snow hits the Snow Plow for two more. Cue Grado to break up another foreign object shot, allowing Shera to hit the Sky High for the pin at 5:27.
Rating: D-. What in the world is the point of this story? They really don’t have anything better to do than doing an Al Snow vs. two comedy guys feud? As in that’s how weak the rosters have gotten at this point? I don’t know who this is supposed to be appealing to, but it’s certainly not me.
Jeff Hardy attacks Willow in the back and beats him down. After a break, Jeff is still at it until two more Willows attack him with the third giving him a Conchairto.
Video on Lashley vs. Galloway next week.
Ethan Carter III vs. ???
Inside a cage and the opponent is……Rockstar Spud. Carter hammers away to start and sends him into the cage a few times. Spud gets in a quick shot and chokes with his belt but he still can’t get out. Back in (after Spud looks like he’s being dragged under the bed in a slasher movie) and Carter keeps beating him up until Spud tries a fast climb. Carter is actually kicked off the cage and Spud drops a top rope elbow for two. The beating continues with Spud going into the cage over and over before gorilla pressing him off the top of the cage. The 1%er puts Spud away at 8:24.
Rating: D. Nothing to this one but it was entertaining enough. This was designed to be a squash so it worked on that front, but there’s only so much you can get out of a match with a clear ending and Spud getting squashed on less than an hour’s notice. It’s a cool idea for a story, even if it’s the same thing Sami Zayn did in NXT in 2014. At least they’re copying good promotions this time.
Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as it was almost all about three stories: Jeff Hardy vs. Willow (it’s Matt Hardy), Ethan Carter III vs. Mike Bennett and Lashley vs. Drew Galloway. My problem here is that the weakest of these stories (Hardy vs. Hardy) is getting the most TV time and attention. I wouldn’t be surprised that’s the main event of Slammiversary either, or at least the real main event of the show. This one really didn’t work all that well though and that’s going to be the case until they spread the focus around a little bit.
Results
Decay b. Jeff Hardy/James Storm – Black Hole Slam to Hardy
Drew Galloway b. Eli Drake – Future Shock
Jade b. Gail Kim via DQ when Sienna interfered
Mahabali Shera b. Al Snow – Sky High
Ethan Carter III b. Rockstar Spud – 1%er
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw – May 9, 2016: It’s Hard Out There For A Champ
Monday Night Raw Date: May 9, 2016
Location: CenturyLink Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
Things are still on a bit of a roll in WWE as we’re getting closer and closer to Extreme Rules in thirteen days. Last week saw Roman Reigns and the Usos trade six man tag team wins against AJ Styles/Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows but it’s not clear how closely affiliated Styles is with his New Japan buddies. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of the six man tag and post match issues with Styles refusing to hit Reigns with a chair and getting powerbombed through the announcers’ table. The rematch on Smackdown isn’t mentioned whatsoever, as is usually the case.
Tonight we’ll see the same six man, albeit with elimination rules.
Here’s Chris Jericho to kick things off with the Highlight Reel. Dean Ambrose was supposed to be his guest but he’s still in the hospital. Jericho has a replacement though as he unveils the remains of Mitch the plant. They’re not all that dissimilar because they’re both in pieces and could be entertaining at times.
Jericho finds it amusing that the fans were more concerned about Mitch than Dean after last week. Ambrose has no value on his own but Jericho is the Haley’s comet of WWE: a once in a lifetime talent so drink him in. This brings out Colin Cassady of all people to say that if this is the gift of Jericho, you better give him the receipt with it. Cass talks about the new era and says Jericho is standing in his way.
Jericho thinks Cass should go visit his buddy Enzo Annoying in the hospital but that’s not cool with Cass, who wants to fight right now. Jericho tries to call himself the best in the world but Cass covers the microphone, leaving Jericho looking stunned. The jacket comes off but Jericho leaves. Cass calls him SAWFT to draw Jericho back in, earning himself a great looking boot to the face. This was a well done exchange, even though I can’t imagine Cass pinning Jericho in a match.
Post break Jericho goes to Stephanie to say Shane is trying to ruin this new era (that’s probably the eighth time they’ve used that word in about 22 minutes) but Stephanie likes everyone getting a new chance. Therefore tonight, Jericho is facing Big Cass (complete with Stephanie doing the catchphrases because this is the wacky, fun loving Stephanie) in the main event. Oh and Jericho should never, EVER, try to drive a wedge between Stephanie and her brother Shane again. I’m so glad she pointed out which brother it was in that totally natural way of speaking of hers.
Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler
Before the match, Corbin says he’s the force in this new era. They start brawling early with Ziggler sending him outside and into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Ziggler caught in a chinlock before Corbin just lays in with heavy right hands. Corbin ducks his head though and eats a Fameasser for two. The Zig Zag is countered into a big old Deep Six for two but Corbin stops to pose too much. Ziggler tries the same rollup he beat Corbin with the first time out but Corbin kicks out and plants him with the End of Days for the pin at 8:28.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but more importantly it’s the match that should have happened at Payback. However, why have Corbin destroy Ziggler on pay per view when you can have more 50/50 booking, likely setting up a third match? My guess is because Corbin needed to be taught some kind of lesson or whatever their latest reason is, or perhaps because the writers have no idea how to book new talent aside from trading wins with an established name.
We look back at Stephanie making Charlotte vs. Natalya at Extreme Rules in a submission match with Ric Flair banned from ringside.
Charlotte and Ric Flair come in to see Shane, who they think should reverse Stephanie’s decision. Shane thinks otherwise and bans Ric from ringside tonight as well.
Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows/AJ Styles regret not going after Reigns last week. Tonight the Club is back together.
Fandango vs. R-Truth
This is a preview match for Gorgeous Truth vs. Goldango on Smackdown. Of course it’s a danceoff to start with Truth (complete with gold hair tips) doing a spinning bunny hop. Fandango dropkicks him down and dances, drawing Goldust up to the apron for some swiveling of his own. Breeze gets up as well but gets knocked right back down, setting up the Lie Detector for the pin at 2:11. You know, this is a stupid feud but I’ll give them points for actually sticking with the thing. It’s harmless enough so let them get a story told.
Miz, Cesaro and Kevin Owens are with the McMahons and Stephanie makes a triple threat match for the Intercontinental Title at Extreme Rules. Sami Zayn comes in to ask about making it a triple threat. He wants to be involved but Shane says he has to earn it, which he can by beating Miz tonight. Otherwise, Sami goes to the back of the line.
Paige vs. Charlotte
Non-title with Natalya on commentary. Paige quickly takes it to the floor and starts slugging away with forearms as Natalya talks about it being a beautiful day in Omaha. A big boot gets two for Charlotte, followed by some knees to the chest. Paige kicks her in the head for two more, followed by a good looking superplex for the same. Charlotte gets out of the PTO and grabs a rollup with her feet on the ropes, only to have Natalya break it up. Cue Ric Flair, allowing Charlotte to get in a backbreaker…..and here’s Shane to interrupt. Referees get Flair out of there and Paige grabs a rollup for the pin at 7:45.
Rating: C+. Yet again WWE manages to overbook things. This could have been the exact same match with Paige winning off a regular rollup and Ric not being involved. It even gives you a better story with Charlotte not being able to win on her own. I mean, it’s not like this is going to lead anywhere for Paige so why not go with the simpler story?
We look back at Cass and Jericho earlier.
Sami Zayn vs. The Miz
Non-title. Sami gets in some rollups for two early and headscissors Miz out to the floor. Miz bails to avoid the suicide dive and drives Sami’s back into the barricade instead. The moonsault off the barricade takes Miz down, only to have Maryse yell a lot as we take a break. Back with Sami being sent hard into the steps and barely beating the count back in. Miz kicks him in the face and gets in the short DDT for two.
The Figure Four is broken up and Sami gets a near fall of his own off the Michinoku Driver. Now the Figure Four goes on but Sami dives over and makes the rope. A sunset flip is blocked as Miz grabs the ropes, only to have the referee break it up. The exploder suplex into the corner sets up the Helluva Kick for the most obvious pin in a long time to send Sami to Extreme Rules at 12:58.
Rating: B-. I liked the match as usual but you could see the ending coming a mile away. After all, the only thing better than having one champion get pinned is to have TWO champions get pinned back to back in the span of half an hour. Sami winning is a good thing, though I can’t imagine he gets the title at the pay per view.
Becky Lynch doesn’t believe that the eye poke last week was an accident. Emma comes up to tell her that she really needs eyes in the back of her head. Cue the debuting Dana Brooke to lay Becky out and tell her that playtime is over.
We see Darren Young asking Bob Backlund to be his coach. As usual, Smackdown means nothing.
The Up Up Down Down crew shills Pizza Hut.
Zack Ryder is telling Shane that he knows he belongs when Kevin Owens comes in. Owens sums up the whole thing by asking Ryder why he exists. Shane’s decision is to make Owens vs. Ryder for the spot in the Intercontinental Title match tonight.
Roman Reigns and the Usos are ready to get rid of Gallows/Anderson before Reigns takes Styles out on his own.
Sin Cara vs. Rusev
Rusev suplexes him down a few times, followed by a bearhug and a fall away slam. Cara’s quick comeback goes a bit better than you would expect with Cara getting in a moonsault to send Rusev outside. A suicide dive looks to set up the Swanton but Rusev blasts him with a superkick. Lana starts yelling for no apparent reason, allowing Kalisto to kick Rusev in the head. Cara grabs a rollup for the pin upset at 3:45.
Rating: D. Does this show want to make my head hurt? Their big idea to make me want to see Rusev vs. Kalisto is to have Sin Cara beat him? I mean I know he just had a title match at Wrestlemania but this is still a stretch. This is the third straight match where the booking has somehow gotten worse and I have no idea who thinks this is the right idea.
Greetings From Puerto Rico. I have no idea if this is ever going anywhere but it might be nice to do something with it already.
Roman Reigns/Usos vs. AJ Styles/Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows
Elimination rules. Jey smacks Karl in the face to start and it’s already off to Reigns, meaning the booing begins early. That goes nowhere so Jey powerslams Anderson for no cover, only to have Anderson get in an uppercut from the floor, allowing Anderson to roll Jey up with tights for the pin at 2:38. Now we get Reigns vs. Styles with a big shot sending AJ right back into the corner. It’s already off to Gallows to run over Jimmy, who rolls the legal Anderson up for the pin at 4:35 total.
Back from a break with just Jimmy having been eliminated during the break. Reigns wastes no time and Superman Punches Gallows for the elimination at 9:35. It’s down to one on one so AJ hits the strike rush and knocks Reigns out to the floor. That means it’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Reigns throws AJ across instead. This brings out Anderson with a chair to blast Reigns for the DQ at 11:43.
Rating: C+. The match was fine, albeit with your usually questionable eliminations ala a Survivor Series match. I do like the ending better than Reigns taking a fall, though I dread the eventual title match with the Usos and Club running in for twenty minutes before Reigns wins anyway.
Post break everyone but Reigns and Styles fight to the back, leaving AJ to load up a Styles Clash on the chair. Reigns backdrops him to the apron though, leaving them in a staredown with the chair between them. Roman picks it up and throws it to AJ’s feet. Styles tries the Forearm but Reigns grabs the chair, leaving AJ to bail to the floor.
Zack Ryder vs. Kevin Owens
The winner is in the Intercontinental Title match at Extreme Rules. Owens grabs a headlock to start (Owens: “NO ONE BREAKS MY HEADLOCK!”) before running Ryder over and dropping the backsplash. They head outside with Owens trying the apron powerbomb but getting backdropped instead. Back in and Owens blasts him in the back of the head with a clothesline but misses the Cannonball. Ryder takes him outside for the Broski Boot up against the barricade, followed by the top rope Elbro for two back inside. The Rough Ryder doesn’t work and it’s the Pop Up Powerbomb to end Ryder at 4:05.
Rating: D+. Yes yes, WWE. You’ve made it very clear that Ryder winning anything is nothing more than a pipe dream. You don’t have to pound it into our heads all over again like we’re stupid enough to believe it could actually go somewhere. I really don’t know why this needed to happen but Ryder getting beaten up every single week is almost more cruel than anything else at this point.
Big Cass says he’ll win tonight.
Here’s New Day for a chat, complete with Kofi twirling some unicorn horns like nunchucks. They’re not sure how to pronounce Vaudevillains but realize they’re the opponents at Extreme Rules for the WWE World Tag Team Championships. We get some bowing down to the last piece of BootyO’s before Big E. says the Vaudevillains are from an era that weren’t kind to people like them. Woods looks nervous but Big E. says he’s talking about smartphone users. Those are the kinds of phones you can use to call your Mammy and Pappy to tell them NEW DAY ROCKS.
New Day vs. Dudley Boyz
Non-title and joined in progress after a break with Bubba hammering on Kofi’s face. Bubba even dances a bit before it’s off to Big E. for a shoulder and the Warrior Splash. Kofi comes back in and eats D-Von’s spinning elbow for two, only to have Big E. launch him onto D-Von in the corner for two. Everything breaks down for a bit until D-Von gets caught in the Unicorn Stampede. Cue the Vaudevillains to go after Woods though, leaving D-Von to hit one heck of a clothesline for the pin on Kofi at 5:10.
Rating: D+. A champ just got pinned with a clothesline. You couldn’t have them get counted out while they chase the Vaudevillains off instead? Anyway, the match was watchable enough and set up some stuff going forward but it felt like they were just filling in time until Gotch and English ran out there.
Kofi gets the Whirling Dervish post match.
Chris Jericho vs. Colin Cassady
During Jericho’s entrance, someone attacks him and steals the jacket. For reasons of general stupidity, the announcers are stunned when it’s Dean Ambrose. Dean rips up the jacket and Jericho is so scared that he can’t come to the ring and save the thing. He finally charges now that the jacket is destroyed but gets beaten down for his efforts. Jericho gets in a shot to the face and grabs the jacket but runs into Cass on the floor. Cass feeds him into Dirty Deeds and Dean continues to destroy the jacket.
We’re still not done though as Shane and Stephanie…..have nothing to say.
Jericho yells a lot to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This show just kept going and felt like it would never die. Above all else though: three champions took falls tonight. Three of them. It should be a big deal when one of them gets pinned but instead we’re seeing it happen three times in one night. This show was a very long sit with a bunch of really questionable to flat out bad booking holding it back. I’m not sure where they need to go to fix a lot of these issues, but better choices in who wins what would be a great place to start. This was a really weak show and a big step back for WWE in recent weeks, which you kind of had to know was coming.
Results
Baron Corbin b. Dolph Ziggler – End of Days
R-Truth b. Fandango – Lie Detector
Paige b. Charlotte – Rollup
Sami Zayn b. The Miz – Helluva Kick
Sin Cara b. Rusev – Rollup
Roman Reigns/Usos b. AJ Styles/Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows via DQ when Anderson hit Reigns with a chair
Kevin Owens b. Zack Ryder – Pop Up Powerbomb
Dudley Boyz b. New Day – Clothesline to Kingston
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Starrcade 2000 (2016 Redo): They Used To Be Good At This
Starrcade 2000 Date: December 17, 2000
Location: MCI Center, Washington, D.C.
Attendance: 6,596
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson
We’ve uh…..arrived. It’s the final edition of WCW’s flagship show and it’s looking somewhere between a bad C show and a horribly unfunny joke. The main event is Scott Steiner (won the title three weeks ago) defending against Sid Vicious (not in the promotion three weeks ago). Such is life in the dying days of this company. Let’s get to it.
Before we start, here’s a good idea of how bad it’s gotten for WCW. The attendances for the last four Starrcades, all in the same arena.
1997 – 17,500
1998 – 16,066
1999 – 8,582
2000 – 6,596
In three years, the attendance has fallen by nearly two thirds. That’s impossible to defend.
The opening video makes this look even more of a disaster than it’s likely going to be.
3 Count vs. Noble and Karagias vs. Jung Dragons
Ladder match for the #1 contendership, which will somehow be give to one man, making me wonder why this isn’t just a six way match. Champion Chavo Guerrero Jr. is on commentary. Oh and they’re starting with tags because LADDER MATCHES (remember that this is after the first TLC match) needs law and order. Kaz and Moore hit the mat to start until they crash into each other to put both guys down.
Shannon goes for the ladder but Evan will have none of that because that’s not how a well organized ladder match is supposed to go. Everyone goes for the ladders and it’s 3 Count sneaking in to go up at the same time until the Dragons make the save. Yang dropkicks a ladder into Noble and Karagias, followed by Kaz moonsaulting onto the ladder and the two of them. A double flapjack sends Kaz into the ladder but Evan pulls Noble down, making the entire idea of the match a waste of time.
Yang sends Noble hard into the ladder and busts out Yang Time (phoenix splash) off a ladder on the middle rope to crush Shannon. Shane is back up and sends Yang to the floor for a big flip dive of his own. That’s the start of the big set of dives (Chavo: “Keep killing yourselves boys.”) until Yang shoves Noble off the ladder and onto the pile for a great crash. Yang bridges a ladder into another one but Evan slides back in for a suplex.
With Evan on the bridged ladder, Kaz tries to springboard in, only to get powerslammed out of the air for a great looking landing. Shannon springboards onto the ladder for a Fameasser onto Evan, leaving Shane to grab a neckbreaker to bring Noble off the ladder. Yang, Noble and 3 Count go up two different ladders so Noble sunset bombs Helms down and Shannon plants Yang with a sleeper drop.
Cue Leia to go after Noble as two more ladders are brought in. Yang flips Evan off a ladder in the corner and into a Kaz powerbomb (cool spot) before erecting a scaffold with one ladder bridged into three others. I’ve heard worse ideas actually. Noble and Karagias take out 3 Count before Kaz gets knocked off the scaffold. That leaves Shane and Yang on the scaffold, allowing Shannon to headscissor Yang down for another crash. Jamie gets hiptossed off as well, leaving 3 Count to pull down the contract at the same time, again defeating the point of the stipulations one more time.
Rating: B. It has nothing on any of the WWF counterparts but this was a bunch of fun spots with six guys who wanted to show off out there. As always you can see people trying their hardest instead of just phoning it in as so often happens. Oh and well done having this match go on first so that it’s going to be forgotten an hour and a half into the show while Bam Bam Bigelow or Shane Douglas are out there as the midcard draws because WCW exists as a haven for people like them.
Jim Duggan is polishing his board (dude CLOSE THE DOOR) when Lance Storm comes in to say no one is going to take Jim back. If Duggan wants a paycheck, his future is with Team Canada. After all those times where Duggan has screwed up, why would Storm want him around?
Jeff Jarrett asks Mike Sanders to make the six man against the Filthy Animal a Bunkhouse street fight.
Kronik is in a steam room and will be getting paid tonight, cash in hand. Adams: “Wow, am I baked.”
Lance Storm vs. The Cat
No Duggan with the Canadians here. Storm has something to say before the match, which Hudson calls a Canadian gimmick. Lance rips on the Presidential elections again so here’s Cat to do his usual “I’m going to beat you up” stuff. They start slowly with a lockup on the ropes and a clean break. You really can feel the hatred here. An armdrag puts Storm down but he comes right back with a wristlock.
That earns him a few kicks to the chest but Major Gunns grabs Cat’s foot, nearly triggering a catfight. Tony: “Speaking of accidental and speaking of cleavage.” The women get inside for no action until Storm takes over with a jawbreaker. You know, as part of the wrestling match. Storm spends too much time yelling to the crowd and has to kick out of a small package. Cat throws him into the air for a low blow (with the referee cringing) before being sent outside to hit Skipper in the head with a bottle of water.
Now the women actually get involved as Jones accidentally kicks Cat, earning herself a dropkick from Gunns. Back in and Storm missile dropkicks Cat for no count as the referee is still getting up. Cue Duggan to pull back the board to hit Cat but instead it’s a halfhearted clothesline to set up the Mapleleaf to make Cat tap.
Rating: D. Not the worst match in the world but I’m getting tired of having everyone having to work down to Cat’s level. Storm should be able to fly around with anyone but he’s stuck with this dancing goon who can’t work a straight seven minute match because it’s beyond his physical capabilities. Now can we PLEASE get Duggan on to something else?
Team Canada beats Duggan down post match.
The ambulance arrives.
Buff Bagwell, now an interviewer, says he had to be on the show to draw a rating because pay per views have ratings. The Filthy Animals come in and aren’t worried about Jarrett and the Harris Twins no matter what the stipulations are.
Reno and Vito tell the Thrillers to mind their own business tonight.
Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Crowbar
Crowbar is defending but first Daffney has to yell at him over the 70s clothes. Thankfully Funk jumps him with a fire extinguisher to get things going in the back. Funk sends him into various objects for two as Hudson tries to figure out how Terry got a shot after just coming back. Uh, I believe it’s because Crowbar said “yeah you can have a title shot.” That gem is followed up by Tony talking about Terry retiring the same year that Starrcade debuted and having a title match seventeen years later.
They fight in the back of a production truck as Hudson gets the date of Clash of the Champions IX: New York Knockout wrong. Crowbar gets hiptossed out of the truck and through a table but comes back by slamming a door onto Funk’s head. Funk pops up and does the same thing to Crowbar a few times over as Hudson says Crowbar is someone’s son. You know, because Funk isn’t.
Funk handcuffs him and blasts Crowbar in the head with a chair because the 1999 Royal Rumble is ripe for nostalgia. They head into the arena (not back into the arena Tony) with Funk bringing a car door with him to blast Crowbar in the head again. Now it’s time for a table (ignore the thing bending in the middle along a line that clearly shows it’s pre-cut) but Daffney pulls Crowbar off.
Terry goes after her but I’m sure he’s still the face in the match because he’s old and therefore awesome. Crowbar, still handcuffed, fights up and dives through Funk and the table for two. Another chair shot to the head sets up a piledriver onto the door to give Funk the pin and the title.
Rating: D. So Crowbar is built up as something special in the hardcore division and then he faces a legend and loses in a glorified squash. But hey, another old name gets to be a champion in WCW and that’s what really matters. This is another head shake inducing moment and that’s the sad part about WCW.
Storm rants about Duggan still being American and says it’s time for Team Canada to move forward. Gunns screws up her only line so Gene tells her he’s got a pole she can run that Canadian flag up.
Lex Luger has brass knuckles ready for Goldberg.
Kronik vs. Big Vito/Reno
Before the match, Adams implies that Marie is the one paying them off. It’s a brawl to start as Hudson suggests that Marie being the one behind this could be the story of the year. Is it even the story of the match? Vito powerslams Clark and drops a leg for two before Reno gets the same off a neckbreaker. An elbow stops Clark’s comeback as Adams goes outside to yell at Marie. Vito goes to save his sister but the distraction lets Clark get in his flip dive from the apron.
Back in and Vito clotheslines Adams for two as we’re just waiting for the big swerve. A full nelson slam and belly to back suplex drop Vito for two and it’s off to a chinlock because this wasn’t slow enough already. Cue the Thrillers to distract Reno so Kronik can get in a double big boot to Vito. A double cross body body puts Vito and Clark down and it’s the tag to Reno, who immediately Rolls the Dice on Vito…..for a pinfall. Good thing they went that long before doing something else stupid.
Rating: F+. I hate these stories because it sets up the potential of something interesting and then rips it away in the span of a few weeks. Why bother having them get back together if they’re going to be split up just a few weeks later to get us back to where we started? Why bother having them even be brothers in the first place? Huge waste of time here and a bad match on top of that.
Post match Reno pays Kronik off and rejoins the Thrillers, making this whole story a complete waste of time. Kronik beats Vito up a bit more.
3 Count argues over who gets the title shot tomorrow night so Chavo comes in and beats them down.
Hugh Morrus goes on a rant about how he’s not going to be a stepping stone for Shane Douglas.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mike Awesome
Ambulance match because that’s what Awesome does, or at least did months ago before the 70s nonsense. Madden: “Mike Awesome has never won an ambulance match.” But it’s his SPECIALTY right? Awesome climbs the buckle for a jumping back elbow to the face to start but Bigelow takes it outside and drives Awesome into the post. Bigelow sets up a chair in the aisle and they ram each other into the side of the ambulance.
Awesome ducks a right hand to send Bigelow’s fist through the window so let’s go back to the ring because this thing MUST KEEP GOING. Both guys are sent into the announcers’ table before Bigelow backdrops him through a regular table. They head back to the ambulance (with the driver still in the cab looking more bored than most of the fans) and Bigelow goes up top, only to be knocked through the roof to give Awesome the win.
Rating: F. Just nothing here with both guys beating on each other minus any particular rhyme or reason. I don’t know why I’m supposed to care about these hardcore guys when Bigelow is WAY over the hill, Awesome has been a comedy guy for months and Terry Funk is the champion after having beaten the other 70s guy. I’m sick of these matches eating up so much time and going nowhere but it was something in ECW and that’s what matters I guess.
Reno says the Thrillers are his real family. Sanders and the Perfect Event are sure they’ll retain the titles. Gene promises to slap Stasiak one day.
US Title: Shane Douglas vs. Hugh Morrus
Morrus is defending and we’ll go with the old name because they’re being used interchangeably at this point. Shane promises to rip a hole in Morrus’ heart, meaning it won’t take 36 days to determine who won this contest. A bunch of chops don’t do much damage to Morrus early on but a poke to the eye works a bit better. We almost get a crash into the referee but the second attempt hits Shane as it was supposed to. A low blow and right hands have no effect either so Hugh grabs a bearhug. This draws a GOLDBERG chant of all things until Shane finally bites his way out.
No Laughing Matter is broken up and Shane gets in a piledriver but opts to pose instead of covering. Off to a neck crank for a bit before they go back outside for more nothing. Shane goes hard into the post to draw some blood (hardway it seems) but another moonsault misses. That means it’s chain time but Morrus breaks it up with a belly to back suplex. Cue Chavo to throw the chain back to a stunned Douglas…..before telling the referee about it to draw a DQ.
Rating: D-. Gah this story continues to do nothing for me. Shane Douglas really isn’t interesting but Morrus is even worse now that he’s finished with the war against Canada. I still don’t see Morrus as someone who should be at this level either and it’s really hard to buy him here. Unfortunately he’s one of WCW’s only options as everyone on the roster is FIRMLY stuck in the places with little opportunity to move up without turning 40 years old.
Shane beats on him with the chain post match until Chavo comes in for the failed save. The Misfits come in to clear Shane out but Lash sides with Chavo and AWALL sides with Morrus.
Steiner goes on about how he’s going to win tonight and then have a great night with the freaks.
Glacier is still coming back.
Nash and Page laugh off the idea of Perfect Event as any kind of a threat and make jokes with Buff.
Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Filthy Animals
Bunkhouse street fight, meaning the third hardcore based match assuming you ignore the ladder match. There are weapons all around and in the ring, including a bar and a popcorn machine. The Animals quickly clean house as Tygress sits in on commentary. The spray painted trashcans have the Nashville World Order (commentators’ words) as this is even more mindless brawling.
Jarrett is sent face first into the popcorn and the Twins both get Bronco Busters. Back in and Jarrett gets slammed off the middle rope and through the bar for two. Well at least the wood erupting looked good. Rey comes off the top with an atomic Arabian facebuster with a Wrong Way sign on Don. There’s nothing going on between these big spots other than some punches and kicks.
Jarrett finally counters a hurricanrana and powerbombs Rey over the top into a dumpster. The match actually settles down into a regular tag match because the words STREET FIGHT are lost about seven minutes in. A double big boot drops Kidman as the fans start getting into things. It’s almost like presenting old school wrestling on a wrestling show instead of hardcore match after hardcore match is a good idea. Ron cuts off a hot tag attempt and hands it back to Jarrett for a chinlock.
Kidman finally flips out and grabs a Bodog, setting up the hot tag off to Konnan. You can actually see the fans paying attention and caring about the match with such a simple story. Take that Russo. The H-Bomb puts Konnan down and it’s table time but Rey comes out of the dumpster with a broom for a double clothesline. Another H Bomb puts Rey through a table though, leaving Kidman mostly on his own. The Kid Crusher looks to set up the shooting star but a bottle to the head lets Jarrett get in the Stroke for the pin.
Rating: C. Other than the ladder match, I think I liked the wrestling section in the middle of this match better than anything else on the show tonight. It was so nice to hit the brakes for a bit and just watch something out of a wrestling match. But hey, where would we be without an exploding bar and a popcorn machine?
Sarge thinks Goldberg is ready for Luger. Lex runs in and beats him down until Buff gets rid of him.
We cut away from this and look at the weapons being taken away.
The announcers talk about Goldberg to kill time.
Tag Team Titles: Insiders vs. Perfect Event
Perfect Event is defending and this is a rematch from last month where the Insiders won the titles but had them stripped away because they pinned the wrong man. Before the match, Flair says the title change hands if Sanders goes anywhere near the ring. You know, aside from being at ringside as a manager. Nash and Palumbo get things going with Kevin hitting some running clotheslines in the corner.
Chuck wants a timeout so Stasiak gets in a cheap shot from the apron, only to have Page get tagged in a few seconds later for a flying shoulder. Page ducks a boot in the corner and crotches Stasiak against the post. A belly to belly gets two but Shawn gets out of the Diamond Cutter. Page hits a quick Rock Bottom (called a chokeslam which is close enough) but Palumbo sneaks in with a Jungle kick to put Page down.
After a few near falls, Page throws Palumbo into the corner for some right hands, only to be thrown into the wrong corner for a double stomping. Some kicks to the ribs have Page in trouble because a three year old injury still isn’t fully healed. That’s a very slow healing injury. Palumbo hits him low to stop a comeback but a single forearm allows the tag off to Nash.
Sanders low blows Page on the floor and Stasiak gets two off a top rope clothesline. The camera misses a Diamond Cutter to Stasiak on the floor (because Page doesn’t sell low blows) and here are Jindrak and O’Haire to get laid out as well. Nash kicks Chuck in the face and the Jackknife gives the Insiders the titles back.
Rating: D+. The match was actually decent with the old school formula but the same problem stands: the Insiders, a team thrown together about five weeks ago, have now decisively beaten the Thrillers twice in a row to give them another unnecessary title. As late as it is, this is another on the long list of things that killed WCW. At some point, you have to have these old guys lay down and take a big fall from someone under the age of thirty.
Recap of Goldberg vs. Luger, which is happening because Luger was a big deal ten years ago and therefore should have a prominent role on the show instead of having Goldberg winning the title like he should. Goldberg beat Luger last month but a referee was speared so it should have been a DQ, requiring this rematch. There’s also been stuff with Luger beating up Goldberg’s trainer to try to add more interest to a match no one wanted to see in the first place, let alone a rematch.
Goldberg vs. Lex Luger
No DQ to add a fourth hardcore based match on a ten match card. They fight at the announcers’ table to start with Goldberg easily taking over. A clothesline puts Luger down in the ring and a powerslam puts him out on the floor. Luger sends him into the post and barricade so here are Sarge and Bagwell for no apparent reason.
Back in and Luger hides behind the referee to avoid the spear before the brass knuckles knock Goldberg silly for two. The Blockbuster hits Goldberg “by mistake”, ignoring the fact that Luger was touching the turnbuckle when Bagwell jumped. Bagwell hits Sarge to officially turn heel, leaving Goldberg to hit the two moves to reach 31-0.
Rating: D. Just like last month, no one cares about Luger but for some reason he was pushed in this spot instead of having Goldberg get a major push and win the title again as he should have done. The Sarge stuff was fine but there was no logical reason to have Luger here. Goldberg is way past the point of needing a worthless rub from Lex Luger and since we need Sid in the main event, here’s what we’re stuck with for no apparent reason. The match was a somewhat passable brawl but Goldberg squashed him for the most part, as you would expect.
Bagwell lays Goldberg out with the chair post match.
We recap Sid Vicious vs. Scott Steiner. Basically Sid never lost the title back in April, then he disappeared for about seven months and came back to fight Steiner here. That’s really about it for the story, which sums up this show so well.
WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Sid Vicious
Sid is challenging. Steiner pounds him into the corner to start but Sid catches him with some clotheslines and a side slam to send the champ outside. Back in and Steiner poses a lot before easily winning a test of strength. Sid gets back up and puts Scott down, setting up a legdrop across the face for two.
They head outside where Midajah gets in a steel pipe to Sid’s back, followed by some chair shots from Steiner. Back in and Steiner easily presses Sid for a few curls, followed by the spinning belly to belly. The Recliner goes on but Sid is too close to the ropes to make sure this continues.
Scott gets it on again and good grief it looks HORRIBLE as Sid’s back is straight and Steiner is clearly not even pulling back. You can make that hold look devastating but this is worse than Rock’s Sharpshooter ever hoped to be. Sid starts to fight back so Midajah comes off the top for a high cross body which hits the champ by mistake. The chokeslam (Sid’s back is fine. Why are you asking?) gets two on Steiner so we hit a cobra clutch of all things.
Steiner slaps the referee before getting slammed, meaning there’s no count. Pipe to the back gets two and here’s Jarrett with the guitar to hit Scott by mistake. In an awesome moment, Sid covers for two but Jeff pulls Robinson to the floor and tries a clothesline, only to have Robinson duck underneath and slide back in for the two count. Two low blows set up a t-bone suplex and the Recliner makes Sid pass out (of course) to retain.
Rating: D. And that’s probably very generous. The highlight of this match was a referee ducking a clothesline and sliding back into the ring to count a near fall. Not the wrestling, not the brawling and not the finish, but a referee. Among its many obvious problems, the issue here was how nothing this match was. There’s no reason for these two to really be fighting other than the title being stripped eight months ago and that’s barely been mentioned. This whole main event has been treated like an afterthought and that’s perfect after this mess of a show.
Steiner holds up the belt, with one of the side plates hanging off, and flips off the fans to end the show.
Overall Rating: F. You can add Starrcade to the list of things that this company has wrecked. Looking at the show and its buildup, this was just about exactly what I expected. The main event was nothing, Goldberg’s match was an excuse to have Luger on the show for whatever reason……and I’m already having issues thinking of the rest of the card because it was that forgettable.
The show felt like a card they scraped together with whatever leftovers they had at the time and then slapped STARRCADE on the marquee. Nothing on this show felt like it mattered or seemed important or had any other purpose than making sure the same people were in the same spots as we head into 2001. The really fun ladder match at the beginning was forgotten by the end of the show due to all of the other hardcore messes in the middle, which was probably the idea at some point. Why let them get over when the made men can get over even more?
Above all else, this show was disappointing. Any given Wrestlemania card can be lackluster and still feel like something special on the strength of being Wrestlemania alone. That should be the case with Starrcade but I might as well have been watching Uncensored or Souled Out with what we got here.
What happened on this show? Steiner retains the title, Sid is treated like a nothing wrestler (fair enough), Goldberg wins as he always does, we’ve set up a tag match involving a career jobber who is now a big deal because he trains wrestlers, the Insiders got the titles back and Rey Mysterio was powerbombed into a dumpster. Why not have Steiner win the title here instead of at Mayhem? Ah yes, because Mayhem fit his name and that’s going to save the company. Steiner winning like a monster is fine but give him the big moment at the big show instead of at the nothing show.
This show was a huge mess but in a different and much more disappointing way than the Russo shows. Those things were all about someone having no idea what he was doing flying off a cliff because no one told him no. This show was a bunch of people who might have been interesting at some point giving up and just fulfilling obligations with no ambition or plans on how to make things feel interesting or important for the fans. Here lies Starrcade and it’s very sad to see it go down like this.
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Thunder – December 13, 2000: Just Picture Steve Austin Doing This
Thunder Date: December 13, 2000
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Konnan, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay
It’s the final show before the biggest show of the year and the big match announced for tonight is Sgt. Dewayne Bruce vs. Lex Luger. Odds are Sid and Steiner aren’t going to be in the arena tonight because the idea for the match seems to be based on them being apart as long as possible before we get to the pay per view. Let’s get to it.
We open with the traditional Nitro recap, which begins with Crowbar and Terry Funk. Not the World Title situation, but a guy in the 70s with a female friend who dresses in 60’s clothes getting beaten up by a guy who won his first World Title nearly thirty years before this show. Only in WCW.
Mike Sanders welcomes us to the show and gives Chavo Guerrero Jr. the Perfect Event. He’s welcome to find a partner if he wants but otherwise, we’ll just make it a handicap match.
Ric Flair cuts into the interview and demands that Sanders makes sure Lance Storm sings the National Anthem. Sid and Steiner are welcome to fight tonight because Ric is tired of trying to keep them apart. Finally, Sanders will be facing Diamond Dallas Page tonight.
Opening sequence.
Tony: “THIS MUST BE THUNDER!”
Evan Karagias/Jamie Noble vs. 3 Count
Evan is still in the 3 Count entrance video because no one cares enough to fix it. They start brawling and here are the Jung Dragons to make it a three way dance.
Evan Karagias/Jamie Noble vs. 3 Count vs. Jung Dragons
Karagias springboards in with a double clothesline to take out the Dragons before grabbing a neckbreaker on Yang. We settle down to Evan vs. Noble vs. Shane because teams mean nothing around here. Jamie suplexes Shannon and Konnan seems to be having a great time on commentary.
It’s off to Kaz as Konnan talks about what sounds like OMEGA, which isn’t something you often hear about. Everything breaks down and a Vertebreaker (no reaction from commentary) plants Kaz. We get a ladder brought in before Shannon plants Evan with a Fameasser (Bottoms Up here), only to have Noble and Karagias superplex Shane, allowing Evan to steal the pin.
Rating: C. Best match WCW has had in weeks and it was just ok by these guys’ standards. The ladder match should be a blast and at least they have Chavo waiting on the winners instead of whatever nightmare a match against Sanders would have been. It’s also nice of WCW to get this out of the way before it could pick the show up later on.
Scott Steiner beats up Kwee Wee as part of a contest where you can win an ATV.
Storm says he doesn’t know the words to the National Anthem so he can’t sing it. Duggan: “I KNOW THE WORDS! I’LL TEACH YOU!”
Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Perfect Event
Non-title and Chavo doesn’t have a partner. Stasiak gets things going as Konnan makes some references to bathhouses. We see the Misfits watching from the back as Chavo gets in Stasiak’s face and takes Palumbo out to the floor. Palumbo can’t get a delayed vertical suplex and gets clotheslined for two, only to have Stasiak make an easy save. Stasiak puts Chavo down again and we see the Misfits clearly wanting to come out and make the save. Chuck dropkicks Chavo in the back as Stasiak flapjacks him for a near fall. In the back again, Lash is told to stay in the back and we cut to a double flapjack putting Chavo away.
Rating: D+. Did Chavo turn face and no one told us? He was slapping hands on the way to the ring and you can’t expect someone to be booed when they’re fighting two heels at a time. If nothing else this makes the Misfits look like heels, which certainly wasn’t what they were going for here. This was a mess of an idea and as usual I doubt they have any idea what’s going on.
Sid is on the phone and says to not let Steiner leave the building because he’s ten to fifteen minutes away.
Meng finds Kwee Wee down on the floor (because he hasn’t gotten any assistance in roughly fifteen minutes) and wants revenge on Steiner.
Reno and Big Vito beat up Bam Bam Bigelow for hitting on Marie. Well at least he has good taste.
Sarge is ready to fight Luger tonight.
The music lessons continue. Duggan: “OH SAY CAN YOU SEE???” Storm: “Who is Jose?”
Luger yawns and reads a magazine.
Video on Sid vs. Steiner.
Video of Goldberg on the Man Show.
Flair gives Meng a World Title shot tonight.
Here’s Storm to sing the National Anthem. Storm doesn’t want to sing so here are the Cat and Ms. Jones to interrupt, complete with a picnic basket to enjoy the performance. The music sings and Storm misses his start before going into “blah blah blah” for the lyrics. Storm screws up again so Cat tells Duggan to sing instead. Duggan is glad to do it and gets about halfway through until Cat throws hot dogs at Storm. That’s enough to set up a match.
The Cat vs. Jim Duggan
Duggan forearms him a few times but tells Storm he doesn’t want to fight. Cat is sent outside for a beating from Skipper but Duggan says not so fast. The 2×4 is loaded up but Duggan sees a “Hacksaw, come home” sign. He hits Storm by mistake and that’s enough to make Duggan rip off the Canadian shirt. The Feliner (more like a kick to the arm) puts Duggan away in a hurry.
Post match, Storm gives Cat one of the best looking superkicks I’ve ever seen, including some tuning up the band. Tony: “What was he stomping on the mat for?” After the Canadians leave, Cat helps Duggan to his feet.
Video of Sarge training people. It’s two people but they are indeed people.
Steiner isn’t worried about Sid or Meng.
Luger hits Goldberg in the head with a baseball bat. And I’m sure charges are coming later tonight right? Naturally the announcers treat this like Luger going to catering.
Sid calls in and needs directions.
Sgt. Dewayne Bruce vs. Lex Luger
Luger has his old face music here. The fans chant for Goldberg as Luger drops to a knee and offers a test of strength. Bruce kicks him down a few times so Luger pulls out a wooden baseball bat to knock him cold. The Rack gives Luger the easy win.
Luger keeps stomping on Bruce and shouts for Goldberg to get out here.
Post break Luger bails as fast as he can.
Page thinks it’s funny that he’s almost twenty years older than Sanders.
Reno and Vito are ready for Kronik. They’ll be having the same match on Sunday so you might as well just do the swerve tonight.
Bruce is checked out for neck and rib injuries.
Daffney wants Crowbar to drop the 70’s thing.
Video on Starrcade’s big matches, the same one that aired on Nitro.
Reno/Big Vito vs. Kronik
Reno and Adams start it off with Brian hitting a cool gorilla press gutbuster for an early two. A double elbow drops Adams though as the crowd is just gone for this. The full nelson slam plants Reno and it’s off to Clark for a beating in the corner. For some reason Clark sends Reno into the corner for a tag off to Vito. That’s quite the arrogance.
Vito Mafia Kicks him for two, only to get suplexed down for the same. They head outside and this is more intense than it really should be but at least they’re working hard. A Russian legsweep sends Vito into the barricade and seems to wake him up a bit, only to have Adams put on a chinlock. Cue Jarrett and the Harris Twins to knock Konnan out cold in an attempt to wake the crowd up. An F5 gets two on Vito and it’s off to Reno, who walks into High Times for a very quick pin.
Rating: C. This was much better than I was expecting but the swerve that you can almost guarantee for Sunday really isn’t something I’m looking forward to. It’s ok to just have a team be a team for a bit without having some big screwy finish thrown in. Vito and Reno are basically the new and improved Mamalukes and the idea is actually working better than it has any right to.
Kronik keeps up the beating but Vito fights them off.
The sitdown interview this week is with Shane Douglas, who talks about coming through the ranks to get here and wanting the best competition. There are a lot of demons in his closet but he wants to face them all. We hear about Torrie being gone without the words “Torrie” or “Wilson” actually being used and Shane insists that they were much closer than just friends. Shane is ready for Morrus on Sunday and wants to use the US Title as a stepping stone to the World Title.
The Thrillers have laid out Kevin Nash.
Mike Sanders vs. Diamond Dallas Page
We recap the Thrillers attacking Nash’s knee (which was either last night if you listen to Tony or Monday night if you follow the graphic) before we get going. They slap each other in the face to start before Page easily takes over and sends Sanders to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline.
Back to the announcers’ table for the first time in a whole match and it’s time to hear from Sid. He’s STILL lost because it takes an hour and a half to find what is likely the biggest building in a city whose population was 56,000 people at the time. Page starts slugging away in the corner before Pancaking him down for two. The Diamond Cutter hits but the Thrillers come in for the DQ.
Rating: D. Of course this was about Page beating up one of the younger guys who was treated like a joke of a threat. I think I’ve vented about my issues enough times now, assuming there’s any doubt about what’s wrong with this mess. Just give Page and Nash the titles back so they can have their second big moment.
Page beats up four Thrillers for a bit until Palumbo and Stasiak come in for the real beatdown.
WCW World Title: Meng vs. Scott Steiner
Steiner is defending and Meng has Paisley in his corner for reasons that still aren’t exactly clear. Before the match, Steiner talks about how Flair’s hired killer can’t even find the arena. Meng goes right after him to start and stomps Steiner down like any given jobber. The champ bails out to the floor for a bit before taking Meng down with a belly to belly.
A belly to belly superplex is broken up and Meng hits a half decent middle rope clothesline. He follows it up with a top rope splash for two but Steiner suplexes him again to take over. Midajah goes after Meng and it’s time for a catfight. The Tongan Death Grip is easily broken up and a t-bone sends Meng flying. Sid comes out as Steiner grabs the Recliner to retain.
Rating: C+. I’m a fan of Meng and the few times he’s gotten a chance to have a big match have turned out quite well. He did just fine beating on Steiner and looking good as a monster for the champ to survive while never being any kind of a real threat to take the title. Plus he found the arena.
Sid beats Steiner up in slow motion and chokeslams him to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Why do I have a feeling that Thunder is never going to reach this level again? There was some good action tonight in spite of the traditional bad booking. I still can’t get over the fact that Sid COULDN’T FIND THE ARENA. That’s their big idea: he got lost on the way there. I mean, you can’t just say he’s there or doing an interview or anything else besides making him look stupid? As usual, WCW decides to go with the worst possible idea and the company suffers as a result.
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