ECW On Sci Fi – July 4, 2006: You’ll Get To Know Him

IMG Credit: WWE

ECW On Sci Fi
Date: July 4, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

Things are not looking up for ECW at the moment as Rob Van Dam lost the WWE Championship the previous night on Raw. That’s one heck of a loss for ECW but they still have their own championship around Van Dam’s waist. What more could go wrong on back to back nights? Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Paul Heyman welcomes us to the show and talks about Van Dam losing last night. That’s because Van Dam has been putting himself through a rough schedule as a double champion (indeed, for all three weeks of his reign). Big Show storms in and demands a title shot tonight. Oh here we go.

Opening sequence.

We open with Kelly’s Expose: Salute To America, meaning she strips off American flag gear this time. As usual, Mike Knox cuts it off just in time.

Mike Knox vs. Guido

Before the match, Knox says he’s sorry but only he gets to look at Kelly. Guido jumps him from behind but gets hit in the face for his efforts. A backbreaker gets two as the fans give us a YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant. Some knees to the neck give Knox two and he hits four straight slams. Knox misses a running knee, only to come back with a big boot. The spinning Downward Spiral finishes Guido without much effort.

Rating: D. And yeah you can really see ECW slipping away. Bless those ECW fans for trying, but this isn’t the same as the old deal and I don’t think they have accepted that yet. This is going to be the world of the interchangeable big men who fit the WWE style destroying the ECW Originals and we just got a good illustration of that style.

We look at Van Dam losing the title last night.

Van Dam comes in to see Heyman and demands to defend against Big Show tonight. He isn’t letting the big guys run them over and he’s fighting tonight. If he loses then so be it, but he’s not backing down.

Video on Test.

A bald man jumps the barricade and grabs the mic to complain about all of the filth that he is seeing around here. This program should not be on TV and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. If you enjoy ECW, you are a sinner who will burn in h***. Security tells him to go back over the barricade. Sandman, cane, same as always.

Van Dam comes into Big Show’s locker room and slaps him in the face to accept the challenge.

Post break, Van Dam yells at Heyman for asking where his head is. Van Dam is here because they are ECW and stick to their guns. He has to beat Big Show to be a real champion, which Heyman says is right. The title match is on and it’s Extreme Rules.

Test vs. Al Snow

Test is jacked and comes out to silence. The fans do pop for Snow, but are quickly quieted down as Test runs him over in the corner. A TKO ends Snow in a hurry.

Post match Test kicks Head into the crowd.

Video on Sabu (who talks, which should not be the case like, ever).

The Vampire is outside and spits blood at the camera.

And now, we meet a guy with a bunch of tattoos who is addicted to competition. His name is CM Punk.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and it’s Extreme Rules, meaning we do get a weapons check before the bell (granted that might have been to fill time during the break). Rob slugs away to little avail as Show runs him over with a shoulder. A headbutt puts Van Dam on the floor and the fans let Show know he can’t wrestle. Show clotheslines him over the barricade and they walk in front of the fans in the front row. There is no random swearing or violence so you can tell that this isn’t a real ECW crowd. Rob manages to jump onto the barricade for a kick to the head and we take a break.

Back with Rob hitting a springboard kick to the face but Show catches him on top with a superplex. Show kicks him in the head to keep him down and then stands on Van Dam’s chest in the corner. The fans chant for marijuana as Show drops some elbows for two. A bearhug doesn’t last long so Show switches to a backbreaker and bends Van Dam’s back over his knee. Van Dam knees his way to freedom and kicks the knee out, followed by a basement crossbody.

Rolling Thunder gets two and there’s a running spinwheel kick in the corner. Show catches him in the air though and tosses Van Dam outside. The steps are picked up but Van Dam gets in a drop toehold to send Show face first into them. Van Dam goes up top but Show pulls the dive out of the air in an impressive catch. Rob’s chair is swatted away and there’s a chokeslam for two.

Show knocks the referee away and grabs a powerbomb, only to have Van Dam chair him in the head. There’s the Van Daminator into the Five Star but there’s no referee. Cue Heyman to count two….and stop before three because we’ve got a screwjob. Show hits a nasty chair to the head and a chokeslam onto the chair gives Show the pin and the title with Heyman counting the pin.

Rating: C-. Ignoring all of the shenanigans and the necessity of the title change, the match was only ok at best, with Show doing his power stuff and Van Dam bouncing off of him over and over. Then you got to the ending, which was telegraphed but again, they didn’t have much of a choice. Van Dam had to drop the title to someone and other than Kurt Angle, who he beat last week, who else was there but Big Show? Sure it was about as close to the Survivor Series 2002 story with Van Dam in Brock Lesnar’s place, but they didn’t have much of an option otherwise.

Overall Rating: D. We’re four weeks into this and you can see the writing on the wall for ECW. This show was dominated by big men who would have never been a focal point in the original ECW and the wrestling was bad on top of that. I don’t think anyone was realistically thinking that ECW was going to be like the old days again but they didn’t waste time in making the ECW guys look like Barry and the Horowitzes. Not a good show, but you kind of had to expect something like this to happen sooner or later. It’s just the third WWE brand now, and it’s probably better to cut off the false hope before it gets sad.

 

 

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November To Remember 1994: I Think I Get It

IMG Credit: WWE

November To Remember 1994
Date: November 5, 1994
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,000
Commentator: Joey Styles

This is one of the promotions I can’t escape no matter how hard I try. It’s a requested show that was just dropped on the Network a few weeks back and since it’s ECW’s flagship event, it’s probably worth a shot. In theory that is as ECW is one of the most unpredictable promotions in the world. Let’s get to it.

This must be the full version as we even see the ring announcer coming to the ring. He lists off some of the names on the card but only one specific match. In something that feels rather un-ECW, he throws some hats to the fans, followed by presenting an “extreme version” of the National Anthem. A guy in an event staff shirt plays the song on an electric guitar and this is always weird to see/hear.

It goes so badly that Paul Heyman and his bodyguard 911 break it up with 911 chokeslamming the guy. Heyman grabs the mic, complains that it doesn’t work, and has 911 chokeslam the guy again. We’re not ready to go yet though as Heyman sends 911 after the ring announcer. That means another chokeslam, with Heyman saying that the guitar playing was terrible and he always hated the ring announcing.

We’re STILL not done though as Heyman hits the announcer with his phone and has 911 hit another chokeslam. We hear Joey Styles asking if the mic is hot and if he is on as Heyman and 911 leave. The announcer has to do a stretcher job as the fans want CPR. We’re clipped to the announcer being taken out and now, over ten minutes in, it’s time for the opening match. I’m sure the live fans liked this but it just kept going.

JT Smith vs. vs. Hack Myers

Myers is something close to a biker and kind of a cult favorite. Smith is from Philadelphia but the fans don’t seem to like him very much. An early hiptoss and fall away slam on the much bigger Myers give Smith two but he misses a dropkick. Myers hits his left hands so the fans can shout SHAH on each one for some reason. A running splash to Smith’s back connects in the corner and it’s a legdrop across the bottom rope.

The first chair shot of the night has Smith in more trouble as we’re waiting on the comeback. That’s some great timing as Smith hits a dropkick on the floor and drops an elbow with the chair. Smith’s running splash sends them over the barricade as Joey talks about how extreme this is. Back in and they trade some rollups for two each, followed by Smith’s bridging northern lights suplex for the pin at 4:03.

Rating: C-. Just a match as Smith clearly didn’t have a future in the company. He was just a guy in trunks who could wrestle well enough and that’s not what this company is all about. Myers was popular but there is only so much you can get out of someone as standard as he was. This probably should have been a dark match but it wasn’t that bad.

Post match Joey again asks if the mic is hot and wants a mic stand.

Bad Breed vs. Pit Bulls

That would be Ian/Axl Rotten and the fight is on before the bell. Pit Bull #2 kicks away at Axl inside but Axl is right back with a clothesline. Ian is sent into the barricade and beaten down with a chair and #2 gets two off a suplex. #1 comes in for a snap suplex on Ian and a flying shoulder puts Ian down again. We actually get a tag to #2 (Was #1 ever legal in the first place?) and it’s right back to #1 for a slingshot shoulder. The SuperBomb finishes Ian at 3:09. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D. This was nothing and felt more like an extended segment than a match. The Pit Bulls were a hard hitting team though I never cared for them all that much. They’re far better than the crazy violent Rottens though and I’ll certainly take a short match rather than the nonsense stuff that they would do most of the time.

Post match Axl makes the save with a chain and the Bad Breed beats the Pit Bulls up.

Mr. Hughes vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

A midcard match on any indy show over a period of about seventeen years! Hughes shoves him away without much effort to start and then does it again to prove his point. Styles talks about how Undertaker found out that he can’t go toe to toe with Hughes and it’s so strange to hear another company discussed like this. I know ECW did it all the time but it’s still weird. The fans call Hughes the Shoe Shine Boy as Scorpio can’t get anywhere off a wristlock.

Hughes busts out a leapfrog of all things and starts stomping away to keep Scorpio in trouble. A big clothesline drops Scorpio again and it’s off to a neck crank. Scorpio grabs the tie for a breather and is promptly thrown into the air for a crash to the mat. Back up and some dropkicks put Hughes on the floor but Scorpio leaves a baseball slide VERY short. The fans catch onto it so Scorpio hits a quick dive to get them back. Hughes hits a side slam back inside and drops an elbow to the face for two. Scorpio is back up with some boots to the face out of the corner. The 450 finishes Hughes at 7:38.

Rating: D+. They told a simple story here and while it wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world, you could figure out exactly what they were trying to do. Scorpio is one of my all time favorites though and seeing a 450 in 1994 is insane. They did the comeback in a hurry and Hughes was a monster for Scorpio to slay, so it was a nice enough story. Not well done that is, but nice enough.

Post match Hughes destroys Scorpio and says that’s what happens when you mess with him. Hughes leaves and Scorpio calls him Mr. Shoe Shine Boy and says he just lost. The fight is on again for the second time in a row. Styles: “Can anyone stop Mr. Hughes???” Uh yeah, I think his name is Scorpio.

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Tommy Dreamer vs. Tommy Cairo

Winner gets the name Tommy. Ok not so much but would that stipulation surprise you around here? Cairo is one of the holdovers from the old days of ECW and mocks the recently blinded Sandman (blinded by Dreamer in an accident). Dreamer is fighting for the Sandman and the fight is on with Dreamer going right at him while the music is on. A spinwheel kick puts Dreamer on the floor and Cairo hits another out there.

Dreamer gets in some chair shots and takes him back inside for a rather delayed piledriver. They head outside again with Dreamer being handed a canoe paddle. I’ve seen far weirder things around here. Cairo seems to miss a dive off the barricade as they fight into the crowd. A running wooden pallet shot drops Dreamer, who is right back up with a pallet shot of his own.

They get back inside with Dreamer hitting a neckbreaker and taking off his shirt (egads) for some choking. Cairo is right back up with a standing flapjack (I kind of like that) but stops to mock Sandman again. It’s Singapore cane time but Dreamer takes it away and canes him in the head. The blood starts to flow and Dreamer hits him low (with Joey’s voice going higher). Dreamer licks the blood off of his hand as Cairo is mostly dead, meaning the referee stops it at 8:23.

Rating: C-. This was much more of a wild brawl and that’s where it makes more sense. There is a story behind this one as Dreamer is fighting for Sandman, who had issues with Cairo. It ties into the backstory and that makes the violence mean something. That’s one of the places where ECW missed the point a lot of the time and it caught up to them, but it made sense in a situation like this one.

Post match Dreamer gets in a few more shots and Cairo isn’t moving, meaning it’s another stretcher job. Cairo isn’t being carried out though and walks off.

ECW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Ron Simmons

Simmons is challenging and says he’s never liked this city, but he’s taking the title. The fans chant something negative about Ric Flair, much to Shane’s delight. Simmons goes straight after him but gets dropkicked down for an early two. Douglas gets chased to the floor and it’s time to hit the stall for a bit. Back in and Simmons headbutts him down in the corner, sending Shane back outside for another breather.

Shane is back in again with a crossbody as we hear about those cowards Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan not answering Shane’s open challenge for an ECW Title shot. The staredown is on outside with Shane hiding behind a photographer. Simmons swings at him (and over her) anyway, followed by a clothesline on the floor. Back in (again) and the powerslam plants Shane, followed by a gutbuster as the slow beating continues. A top rope splash misses so Simmons hits a chokeslam of all things. The fans want 911 but Shane is right back up with a crucifix to retain at 6:46.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here other than a minor novelty as, just like in Scorpio vs. Hughes, it was mostly one sided until the finish. It’s not a good sign that we’ve had the same match structure twice in about an hour but Heyman wasn’t always the most versatile in-ring booker of all time.

Post match the beatdown is on again with Scorpio running in to help Simmons beat Douglas down (Simmons being known as someone who needs help in fights) and hitting the moonsault. Simmons and Scorpio leave but Cactus Jack, who doesn’t like Shane, of all people comes out to check on him. Shane takes a LONG time getting out of the ring.

Here’s the still blind Sandman, helped to the ring by owner Tod Gordon, for a chat. Styles is choking up at how sad it is for Sandman to be like this. Gordon is sad as well, as a cameraman gets in the ring for a closeup but we stay on the regular shot, meaning we can see the whole cameraman but about half each of the other two (it looks like some bad student film).

Thankfully he leaves and Sandman talks about having to retire at 31, but he’s beaten the daylights out of Tommy Cairo and he’s taken Tommy Dreamer to an inch of his career. He wouldn’t change a thing though, even if he’s lost everything. One of the things he’s lost is his wife, which is all thanks to Nancy Sullivan (Woman). We hear about some of the things he’s done to his wife and Cairo, who stole her, can’t accomplish those same things.

Cue Sandman’s wife Peaches, who doesn’t know if she should slap him or kiss him. She says she’s changed a little since he last saw her, which he thinks means she’s put on weight. A reconciliation seems possible but here’s Nancy to interrupt. She wants to introduce her newest client but canes Peaches in the head first. Sandman punches Gordon by mistake and here’s Dreamer to calls Nancy off.

As Dreamer yells, Sandman takes the bandages off of his eyes and canes Dreamer because he is Nancy’s new client. That should be a heel turn but the fans seem rather pleased. Nancy mocks Dreamer’s recent emotional speeches about Sandman and Joey is aghast. Sandman gets in some whips with his belt as Nancy is having a ball gloating over this. Oh and in case it wasn’t clear: Nancy is managing Sandman. What we got here was good, though I can imagine it having a much stronger impact if I had seen all of the build.

Joey brings out Shane Douglas for a chat. Shane, holding a phone, talks about never feeling anything like what he has felt tonight. His career was unparalleled in ECW but then he saw entertainers in Chicago destroying what he spent fourteen years building. That would be a person named Terry Bollea, who is already on Social Security. Part of his success in ECW is because of blood, sweat and tears, but it was also due to a beautiful woman.

Tonight he fought someone who was the first black heavyweight champion but that means nothing to Shane. Then 2 Cold Scorpio got involved after Shane beat Simmons. Now it’s time to rebuild the Franchise and that’s why he has Sherri on the phone. He wants her back here two weeks from tonight and Sherri says it’ll be great to be with a man again. On top of that, he’s bringing in a partner to deal with Simmons and Scorpio: Stunning Steve Austin. Shane isn’t losing to an ex-WCW Champion.

Dean Malenko vs. Tazmaniac

Dean’s TV Title isn’t on the line and of course that is the future Taz, though he is still kind of a caveman here. He does have TAZ on his singlet though. We get Big Match Intros, including one for Dean’s manager Jason. They fight around the ropes to start with Taz taking him down and hammering away, setting up the first northern lights suplex. Dean is right back up with a release tiger bomb and the Boston crab goes on, with the fans seemingly grunting for Taz.

That’s broken up with some power so Dean stomps away instead. They trade full nelsons until Taz hits a t-bone suplex. Dean comes back with a victory roll for two but an attempt at a second is countered into a German suplex to put them both down. It’s Dean going up (Huh?) and getting crotched, only to elbow his way out of a German superplex attempt. Jason tries to get in a few cheap shots and gets whipped into the barricade for his efforts. The distraction lets Dean grab a towel to cover Taz’s face, which is enough for the pin at 5:40.

Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as it was more of a collection of matches with a finish instead of anything that tied together. Malenko was a good choice for this role and offered a different style, though you could see that they wanted to do something with Taz. Maybe under a better gimmick and after a horrible neck injury.

Taz is out and needs help as there was something on that towel. Medics come out and Joey smells chloroform. Some smelling salts wake Taz up and he wrecks a bunch of stuff.

Tag Team Titles: Public Enemies vs. Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck

Jack and Whipwreck are defending and it’s a weird set of rules where you have to put someone down for ten before you can go for the regular pin. Also after the ten count, you can use baseball bats. That’s quite the complicated rules, though Johnny Grunge grabbing his crotch takes away some of my focus for a few seconds. Mikey is of course scared to death, as tends to be his custom.

Hang on though as we need to have Rocco yell at the crowd a bit, followed by some standing around. There’s no contact for the first two minutes, though they are at least going through with the pretense of a tag match to start. The stalling continues as Public Enemy decides to walk so the referee starts the ten count. They come back so Mikey’s shoulder block can fail, giving us the first action at just shy of four minutes.

Mikey gets sent into a boot in the corner and a middle rope elbow crushes him. Grunge isn’t about to let the referee count so he drops a headbutt and kicks Mikey low. A gordbuster drops Mikey again so it’s Cactus coming in to save him from a bad case of destruction. Cactus whips Mikey into both of them as Mikey continues to be little more than a toy here. Mikey is so beaten up that he collapses for an eight count, leaving Cactus to clothesline both of them down at once.

Rock kicks Cactus low and Grunge crotches him on the barricade for a bonus. That leaves Mikey all alone and it’s a reverse DDT into a Swanton (the Drive By) for nine. As the count goes on, Cactus comes in and cleans house with a chair. A double arm DDT isn’t enough for the ten count so Public Enemy comes up with powder into Cactus’ face. Mikey fights back with forearms to both, including the bloody Grunge.

The blind Cactus DDTs Mikey by mistake though and that’s good for a ten, meaning it’s time for some baseball bats. Mikey gets laid out with the bat but all four walk up the aisle and fight over to some nicely placed tables. Two of them are stacked up on top of each other but Sabu breaks up a flip dive to put Mikey through them. 911 and Heyman come out, with Sabu sending Rock through the tables.

Mikey is back up and uses a chair to beat on the pieces of tables near Rock. Cactus and Grunge are back as well with Cactus suplexing Rock onto a table. The running elbow off the balcony puts Rock through the table and everyone is done. We hear about Mikey diving onto Grunge and let’s head back to the ring for some fun. Grunge sunset flips Mikey for two, followed by a top rope baseball bat shot to the face for the pin and the titles at 15:15.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would, even if there was nothing involving tagging or wrestling for the most part. The dives and carnage were good enough though and the fans cared about Public Enemy. Mikey and Cactus were a good oddball team and it made both guys look better than I was expecting. Nice enough here, assuming you’re not a traditionalist.

Gordon runs down the card for the next show, including Dreamer vs. Sandman with Cairo as guest referee. Hang on though as Cactus comes in to say how tough Mikey is. He’ll be back in two weeks also, with Kevin Sullivan as his partner to challenge for the titles. Also, Tazmaniac/Sabu vs. Dean Malenko/Joe Malenko. Plus the aforementioned Austin/Douglas vs. Scorpio/Simmons.

Sabu vs. Chris Benoit

This is an infamous one. They go right at each other with Benoit kneeing him in the ribs and dropping him ribs first onto the top rope. Then Benoit lifts him up and drops him down on top of his head, breaking Sabu’s neck (for the first of two times in ECW). Since HE BROKE HIS NECK, the match is stopped at around 1:40. Of note: that is how Benoit got the name the Crippler.

As medics tend to Sabu, here’s 911 to keep Benoit away from him. Benoit says he wants to fight Sabu and never signed to fight 911. We get some major stalling until Benoit jumps 911 from behind but can’t knock him down. A chokeslam plants Benoit for a pin but here’s Public Enemy with the baseball bats to take 911 down. Cactus comes in to go after the two of them as 911 gets back up. A double chokeslam (with all of four inches of lift) plants Public Enemy.

A bunch of people come out for a big brawl (including Taz looking downright bizarre in flannel) with Taz getting a bat to take out just about everyone. Eventually it’s Benoit and Taz in a standoff as 911 gets a beaten down Heyman out of dodge. Joey signs off but Benoit wants a mic. When that doesn’t work, Public Enemy holds up his arms as the mic is fixed. Benoit wants to know what happened to the great Sabu so here’s Scorpio again. If Benoit wants a fight, he’s right here.

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Chris Benoit

Public Enemy jumps Scorpio from behind and Benoit gets two off a powerbomb despite the lack of a bell. There’s the snap suplex as Public Enemy is still messing around at ringside. Scorpio gets in a superkick to send Benoit outside, meaning it’s time to beat up Public Enemy again.

There are even more people at ringside now, making this a glorified lumberjack match. Benoit hits a top rope superplex but Scorpio counters a belly to back superplex with a crossbody. Scorpio gets two off a super victory roll and nails a superkick but they fall out to the floor. Benoit throws him into various things and it’s a double countout at about 5:45.

Rating: D+. I can’t get mad at this one as they were making it up on the fly and had nothing planned. It wasn’t terrible or anything as they’re talented enough to make something work, though it went about as well as it realistically could have. This kind of heel Benoit is just weird to see but he did it very well and I could go for more of it.

Post match Scorpio says we should do that again.

Joey signs off again but we’re STILL not done as Cactus says his thoughts are with Sabu. That FINALLY ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is the kind of company that I can see having a cult following, ESPECIALLY in 1994 when wrestling was entering the dark ages. ECW is best known by the masses for the late 90s when wrestling had recovered, but this was a completely different feeling where you could see how effective it could be. It’s certainly not for everyone (including me) but I get the idea here and some parts of the show were really interesting. The hardcore felt more well timed here and it didn’t dominate the night. Not a great show by any means, but you can see the magic that people got swept up in around here.

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ECW on TNN – October 6, 2000: Finally

ECW on TNN
Date: October 6, 2000
Location: Roy Wilkins Auditorium, St. Paul, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’ve finally arrived here and this show can’t wrap up fast enough. Raw is on the same channel, the show is turning into a bunch of previously aired matches and the stories aren’t interesting. ECW is mostly done at this point and to no one’s surprise, they wouldn’t last another six months. Anarchy Rulz saw Jerry Lynn get the World Title and little more so let’s get to it.

We open with the end of Sunday’s main event, which saw New Jack coming out to beat up heel referee Danny Daniels because that’s still going. Lynn won with a cradle Tombstone. Limp Bizkit playing over this (in the same video that ended Sunday’s show) doesn’t help.

We’ll see Cyrus vs. Joel Gertner from Sunday in full tonight.

Hotline ad. WCW might have been sold.

November To Remember ad.

Nova vs. Bilvis Wesley

Wesley has Tom Marquez and the Prodigette with him. It’s not a good sign when the ring still has the pay per view logo right in the middle. They trade headlocks to start until Nova sends him outside for a double baseball slide. Back in and Prodigette trips Nova so Wesley and Marquez can get in some shots behind the referee. Bilvis’ superplex is broken up and Nova hits a good Swanton for a two count. An even better looking enziguri gets the same, followed by Novacaine (Downward Spiral) with Prodigette pulling the referee out. Back up and Kryptonite Crunch ends Wesley.

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. Here’s the thing: these are guys (well Nova at least) who should have been fighting for a title but since the TV Title is basically a co-World Title, they’re stuck running around with nothing to do. That’s the case for WAY too many people on the roster as ECW really didn’t need to have a lot of them around. Like for instance, what did Marquez and Prodigette ever add?

So at Anarchy Rulz, Gertner was supposed to fight Cyrus. However, Cyrus said Gertner had to beat EZ Money to get the scheduled match. Matchmaker Spike Dudley came out and said Kid Kash would fight Money in Gertner’s place. Now of course this isn’t important enough to explain on the TV show but here’s the match from Sunday (copied from the pay per view review because I’ve put WAY too much time into this show already).

Kid Kash vs. EZ Money

If Kash wins, Joel gets to fight Cyrus. Money jumps Kash before the bell but Kash comes back with some fast armdrags to send Money out to the floor. Hamrick and Dinero get nailed as well but the distraction lets Money sneak in from behind. Money picks up Kash for a suplex but lets him fall backwards and crash down to the mat for two. A charge goes badly for Money as he falls onto his partners, setting up huge springboard flip dive from Kash to take out everyone.

Back in and Money flips over the top rope into a clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock. Joel is screaming for Kash to get up with more emotion than he ever showed as the Dudleys’ manager. Money spends a bit too much time swiveling his hips and gets rolled up for two. A running tornado DDT gets the same for Kash but Money comes back with a spinning suplex neckbreaker (Electric Dreams, named after Elektra) for no cover.

Kash nails something like a Whisper in the Wind for two before they trade pinfall attempts for two each. There’s the Money Maker but Elektra distracts the referee, allowing Dinero to take Kash down. A double suplex has Kash in trouble and Hamrick adds a top rope legdrop for two. Money gets crotched on top but still manages to try a super bomb, only to have Kash reverse into a weak hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: D+. The spots weren’t bad but if you’ve seen one Kid Kash match you’ve seen the all. As usual it was obvious that Kash was going to win here as Joel vs. Cyrus was almost guaranteed. If nothing else, Hot Commodity (Dinero/Hamrick/Money) could be a decent midcard heel stable and is far better than the Dangerous Alliance.

Post match Hot Commodity beats on Kash until Spike tries to make a save. They go after his leg and put him in a Figure Four but Sandman makes the real save. Elektra tries to seduce him but Sandman pours beer on her chest and shoves Gertner’s face onto the beer.

Joel Gertner vs. Cyrus

Joel jumps him to start before taking off his shirt to reveal Kamala (old Ugandan savage) chest paint. Cyrus trips him up and chops in the corner but Sandman spits beer in his face, allowing Gertner to get a rollup for the fluke pin. This was harmless fun.

Kash, Sandman, Gertner and Spike drink beer.

Rhino is the man Rob Van Dam never beat.

The FBI isn’t sure what to think of the Unholy Alliance but it doesn’t matter because they can beat the Alliance. Mamaluke was doing an Adam Sandler impression for no apparent reason.

The Alliance wants their titles back.

New Jack says he took himself out and wants Francine as his next trick. Oh and Rhino will wear a dress. This goes on WAY too long and the fact that I understood him makes it even worse.

Corino says it’s a man’s world and he wants another shot at the title.

Dawn Marie doesn’t have much to say.

Jerry Lynn is ready to defend the title every time he wrestles but here’s Justin to say he respects the new champ. Francine hits Jerry low and a beatdown takes us out.

Overall Rating: D+. Is there really a point in rating a six minute match and almost nothing else new? That’s it for ECW on TNN and really, the show probably should have ended six months ago. This was nothing to see and it felt like a last gasp from a promotion that knew it was dying and really didn’t care.

So that’s ECW on TNN and the show is hardly worth remembering. It kept ECW around for probably another year or so but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. ECW was WAY past its peak at this point and this entire series is far from what ECW was all about. The problems here are fairly clear but the lack of star power star power really hurt things. When everything is about hitting people with chairs and there’s almost no one to care about, no one is going to watch your show. TNN didn’t do the show any favors but ECW was hardly worth saving by the end.

At the end of the day, it’s just not a good show. So much of it was about ripping on TNN for not supporting them enough and while it’s true that the WWF was coming in no matter what, the show was often more about airing Heyman’s issues and not about the wrestling company. The Network angle wasn’t interesting for the most part and it was hardly worth following because very little ever happened. Overall though, it’s just nothing worth seeing because there’s better ECW out there. Watch some stuff from 1995 and forget that this show exists.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Anarchy Rulz 2000 (2014 Redo): He’s Not Rob Van Dam

Anarchy Rulz 2000
Date: October 1, 2000
Location: Roy Wilkins Auditorium, Saint Paul, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

The card does seem to be a major improvement in some of ECW’s problem areas. While there’s nothing that is going to save the company in one night, this is a good step for them as Van Dam is finally doing something important again and maybe Lynn can get the major win that has eluded him for so long. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel are in the ring to open things up and Joel gets through his rhyme (sans swearing for once, this time about being with women of all races and thankfully not having 27 children) before throwing us to the opening video. More from them later.

Joey Matthews/Christian York vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

Matthews (more famous as Joey Mercury) and York (didn’t do much after this other than showing up in TNA for an uneventful run thirteen years later) are young guys who could be described as pretty boys. Matthews and Doring get things going with Doring pulling on the hair to take over. The audio is a bit off here for some reason as Joel sounds like he’s a foot away from his microphone. Doring sends Joey face first into the mat before bringing in Roadkill to a very positive reaction. Off to York who gets taken down by a running shoulder but he comes back with some armdrags.

York counters a slingshot into the corner into a bouncing legdrop, only to have Roadkill pop up and slam both guys down. Matthews and York stay on the monster but Doring gets a hot tag and helps Roadkill with a Hart Attack to Joey. Doring is sent over the top rope and comes down on his arm, followed by double suicide dives from the young guys. Back inside and a double powerbomb drops Doring, but Matthews and York turn around into the springboard clothesline from Roadkill.

Danny nails a top rope elbow but York breaks it up with a top rope legdrop. A middle rope backsplash gets two for York but Doring escapes a headlock and hits the double arm DDT. There’s the hot tag to Roadkill who cleans house and splashes both guys in the corner before the Buggy Bang (wheelbarrow slam from Roadkill/top rope Fameasser combination) for the pin on York.

Rating: C. Nice match here as the tag team division continues to heat up, and for once there’s actually something for them to go after. Roadkill would be another guy that seems ready to push on his own, especially since most of the main eventers are regular sized guys. Being able to fly like he does is only a plus.

Roadkill and Doring help up Matthews and York in a nice display of sportsmanship. Simon and Swinger come in and clean house with chairs before leaving Doring laying. That sounds like a decent feud but they need to have something to fight over.

Joel Gertner has challenged Cyrus to a match tonight. His training method is eating Lucky Charms, though he’s been trained by an unnamed wrestler.

Cyrus comes out to the ring and says he’s ready for Gertner tonight. Everyone at TNN Center says that he’s got pop (the TNN slogan at the time) and he’s going to take Gertner apart. Joey sends Gertner to the ring. “You can do it! You can do it!” Gertner is out of earshot. Joey: “He’s a dead man.” Remember that Cyrus was a wrestler and actually knows what he’s doing. Gertner gets in the ring but Cyrus says Joel has to win another match to get it.

Joel Gertner vs. EZ Money

Money is part of the Hot Commodity stable, which went nowhere. It’s comprised of Money (a cruiserweight who would be in WCW in a few months), Chris Hamrick (a southern wrestler), Julio Dinero (he bounced around wrestling companies for a few years and is probably the most successful of the team) and Elektra. Before the match though, Commissioner Little Spike Dudley comes out and says Gertner has a replacement.

Kid Kash vs. EZ Money

If Kash wins, Joel gets to fight Cyrus. Money jumps Kash before the bell but Kash comes back with some fast armdrags to send Money out to the floor. Hamrick and Dinero get nailed as well but the distraction lets Money sneak in from behind. Money picks up Kash for a suplex but lets him fall backwards and crash down to the mat for two. A charge goes badly for Money as he falls onto his partners, setting up huge springboard flip dive from Kash to take out everyone.

Back in and Money flips over the top rope into a clothesline for two and we hit the chinlock. Joel is screaming for Kash to get up with more emotion than he ever showed as the Dudleys’ manager. Money spends a bit too much time swiveling his hips and gets rolled up for two. A running tornado DDT gets the same for Kash but Money comes back with a spinning suplex neckbreaker (Electric Dreams, named after Elektra) for no cover.

Kash nails something like a Whisper in the Wind for two before they trade pinfall attempts for two each. There’s the Money Maker but Elektra distracts the referee, allowing Dinero to take Kash down. A double suplex has Kash in trouble and Hamrick adds a top rope legdrop for two. Money gets crotched on top but still manages to try a super bomb, only to have Kash reverse into a weak hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: D+. The spots weren’t bad but if you’ve seen one Kid Kash match you’ve seen the all. As usual it was obvious that Kash was going to win here as Joel vs. Cyrus was almost guaranteed. If nothing else, Hot Commodity could be a decent midcard heel stable and is far better than the Dangerous Alliance.

Post match Hot Commodity beats on Kash until Spike tries to make a save. They go after his leg and put him in a Figure Four but Sandman makes the real save. Elektra tries to seduce him but Sandman pours beer on her chest and shoves Gertner’s face onto the beer.

Joel Gertner vs. Cyrus

Joel jumps him to start before taking off his shirt to reveal Kamala (old Ugandan savage) chest paint. Cyrus trips him up and chops in the corner but Sandman spits beer in his face, allowing Gertner to get a rollup for the fluke pin. This was harmless fun.

Kash, Sandman, Gertner and Spike drink beer.

Da Baldies vs. Balls Mahoney/Chilly Willy

Willy is just a muscular guy who showed up near the end of the promotion and wrestled on pay per view a few times. There’s not much else to say about him other than he wore a hat and danced a lot. It’s a brawl to start with Da Baldies get laid out and nailed with double neckbreakers. Balls stabs DeVito in the head with a fork as Angel and Willy fight on the floor. DeVito is busted open as you would expect and a backdrop puts him into the crowd.

Balls bites at the cut and whips him through another barricade right under the announcers’ area. DeVito flips off the announcers for no apparent reason before moonsaulting off I believe a wall. Angel and Willy show up next to them with Chilly getting powerbombed on some chairs. DeVito takes Balls back to the ring for a dropkick but makes the mistake of going after his head.

Mahoney comes back with a series of punches and a superkick to the shoulder. A huge chair shot knocks DeVito senseless but Angel comes back in with the staple gun to the eye. Chilly comes back in and Da Baldies hit three straight chair shots to both of their opponents’ heads for the pin. Mahoney only sells the staple after the match is over.

Rating: D. This was your usual garbage brawl with no wrestling and an overly violent ending. Mahoney not being phased by the staple was the usual nonsense you would expect by something like this, but it doesn’t make up for how ridiculous it was, or how bad this match really was.

Lou E. Dangerously lays out Gertner with his phone. Joey goes after him and we cut to interviews.

Justin Credible says he’ll take out Jerry Lynn just like he’s done to everyone else.

Jerry Lynn says he’s tired of being a starmaker so tonight, in his hometown, he’s making himself World Champion.

Cyrus replaces Joel on commentary.

C.W. Anderson vs. Steve Corino

Winner gets a World Title shot at some point in the future, even though they’re both on pay per view losing streaks. Corino has turned face and now has Dawn Marie with him. They trade shoulders to start but Corino can’t get a neckbreaker. Instead they trade armdrags and duck punches to get us to a standoff. They chop it out with Corino getting the better of it, only to get taken down by a superkick.

Chairs are brought in and Corino gets in a quick shot to the head to take over. C.W. is busted open and a kick to the face makes things worse. We hear about a recent match where Corino almost beat Justin for the World Title which is one of the few reasons why Corino is in this spot despite his win/loss record. Anderson nails Corino with the chair to take over and bust Steve open. Anderson wedges a chair in the corner and sends Corino arm first into the steel to give him a target.

Corino tries to fight back with one arm but a hammerlock belly to back suplex gets two. Anderson stomps onto the chair onto the arm and kicks Corino in the face as the blood starts to flow. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was before but it’s coming. Steve fights back with right hands but the Old School Expulsion is countered into a suplex.

Anderson’s sleeper is broken when Corino crotches him on the chair. A Bionic Elbow and low blow have Corino in control but Simon and Swinger come out for a distraction. C.W.’s big left hand gets two and Steve’s superkick gets the same. The spinebuster is countered into the Old School Expulsion on the chair to make Corino #1 contender.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but I have no idea why I should buy Corino as a #1 contender because he’s beaten a midcard guy. Corino is good in the ring and more interesting as a face than a heel, but it’s too soon for him to be in the World Title picture. It’s a good enough match, but either Simon and Swinger are messing with everyone or they’ve forgotten that they already have a feud.

The Sinister Minister is with the Unholy Alliance and their book on witchcraft sets itself on fire.

Rhino says he wants this match with Van Dam because he wants to prove how great he is. God won’t be able to recognize Van Dam after Rhino beats his face so bad.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Unholy Alliance

The FBI (Mamaluke and Guido) are defending. They’re now all Italians, turning them from the comedy act they used to be into a fully serious group and defeating the purpose of putting them together in the face place. Both members of the Alliance (Tajiri and Mikey Whipwreck) are in white masks with red paint around the eyes. Mikey one ups Tajiri though with a hat from Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Mamaluke’s weight is given in liquid ounces.

It’s a brawl to start of course with the challengers taking over. Some hard kicks to the head have the Italians in big trouble and stereo dropkicks below the belt have the Italians reeling. Things settle down to Guido vs. Tajiri as Mikey posts Big Sal on the floor. Mamaluke gets put in the Tree of Woe for the running baseball slide from Tajiri. Sinister Minister adds some fire between Mamaluke’s legs and Guido gets kicked in the chest a lot.

Mikey hammers away on Tony but Mamaluke hits him low to take over. The Italians hit a double powerbomb out of the corner for two on Whipwreck. Guido’s middle rope Fameasser (Sicilian Slice) gets two on Mikey but he catches Tony in a wheelbarrow facebuster. Tajiri comes in and cleans house with kicks to the head, only to get caught in a German suplex from Mamaluke. Guido breaks up Mikey’s rollup with a legdrop but gets the green mist to the face.

The Whippersnapper gets two as Big Sal pulls the referee to the floor. The Minister tries to go after Sal and gets crushed against the barricade. Guido sends Mikey outside and Sal throws in a belt, only to have Tajiri take it away and pelt it at Sal. An Asai Moonsault puts Sal down again but Guido nails Mikey with a title belt, setting up a kind of double powerbomb for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. The match was so much better because it actually meant something. Just having the title back is a great feeling and now all those other matches could build up to another title match. I have no idea why Heyman waited so long to bring the belts back but it came at a good time with the tag division being deeper than it has been in years.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam

Rhino, the champion, jumps Van Dam during the introductions and they quickly go outside. Both guys are whipped into the barricade but Rhino knocks him into the fans. They brawl around the arena with Rhino in full control and sending Rob through another barricade. Back to ringside and Rob nails a quick kick to the head followed by a Van Daminator with Alfonso’s help. Rob dives over the top rope to take Rhino down again.

Back in and Van Dam skateboards the chair into Rhino’s face but a springboard is knocked out of the air with a middle rope clothesline for two. The Gore in the corner puts Rob down but Rhino stops to set up a table on the floor. A second table is thrown into the ring and set up in the corner but Rhino puts on a chinlock. Back up and Rob nails a spinning kick to the face but comes up with a bloody nose. A Van Daminator misses and Rhino pelts the chair at Van Dam’s head to make things even worse.

Rob comes up with a fireman’s carry slam into a middle rope moonsault (so much for the selling) followed by the Five Star for two. A telling sign: the fans didn’t move because they know a main event match isn’t ending that early. The Gore puts Rob down and the piledriver through the table wakes the fans up a bit. Back in and Rob nails a quick Van Daminator and loads up the Van Terminator but Justin Credible runs out for a distraction. Rob tries the Terminator anyway but Rhino pulls Alfonso in the way. A Gore through the table and a piledriver onto the chair retains Rhino’s title.

Rating: C-. This was nowhere near what it should have been for a few reasons. First and foremost, the match was a big spotfest with only a little wrestling in between. It also doesn’t help that the ending was one of the last things the fans wanted to see. Now that being said, it makes Rhino look like even more of a monster than before and in theory sets up Rob vs. Justin for the title, which should be a walkover for Van Dam. This is ECW though and by late 2000 Rob still hasn’t been World Champion, so I don’t have the highest hopes.

Rob checks on Alfonso after the match and realizes how bad he might be hurt.

We look at a lot of replays and Joey claims a fast count. That may be the case, but ECW referees always counted their pins faster than the average referee.

The announcers hype up the main event to kill more time.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible

Justin is defending and comes out in a Bret Favre Green Bay Packers jersey (big rival to the Minnesota Vikings) for the easy heat. Francine has taped up ribs. Lynn is the hometown boy and gets the reaction to go with it. They start slow and head to the mat where an armdrag frustrates Justin out to the floor for an argument with a fan. Back in and they trade chops with Lynn getting the better of it. Neither guy can hit their finisher so Jerry settles for a middle rope bulldog and a headlock.

Justin is sent to the floor again for Lynn’s big dive off the top but he might have hurt his elbow. Back in and a swinging Boss Man Slam from the champion puts both guys down again. We get a chair brought in for the drop toehold onto its back to give Justin two. A sitout powerbomb out of the corner onto the chair gets the same and the fight heads up the aisle. Justin hammers away by the barricade and it’s back inside the ring.

Lynn grabs a DDT to plant Justin on the chair for a delayed two. Credible comes back with a front facelock as the fans get on his nerves. He stops and grabs a mic to talk trash about Lynn and Minneapolis, causing the fans to throw in a bunch of beer cups. Back to the front facelock after that minute and a half were wasted. They trade near falls for two each until Justin hits that running release DDT to take over.

Lynn kicks the chair into Justin’s face to get a breather but gets sent to the apron, only to come back with a jumping leg to the back of Justin’s head, driving the champion throat first across the middle rope. A guillotine legdrop gets two for Lynn and it’s table time. Justin gets laid on the table but Francine offers a distraction to allow Justin to slam Lynn through the table. A sunset bomb out of the corner gets two for Credible but he walks into the cradle piledriver for another near fall.

That’s Incredible gives Justin two and the fans are right back into this. Credible superkicks the referee down by mistake but Lynn rolls him up. The same referee that Joey said gave a fast count on Van Dam comes in and counts two but stops and waves his finger at Lynn. A belt shot to the head gets a fast two on Lynn and the crooked referee nails Lynn in the head. That’s Incredible gets two more as New Jack comes out for the save. The crooked referee and Lynn counters That’s Incredible into a cradle tombstone for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but it has a lot of issues. Above all else, this would have meant a lot more if it came about a year and a half ago. ECW completely missed the boat on Lynn when he was on fire and now it’s a nice but mostly meaningless moment. Second, beating Justin Credible makes me wonder what took so long to get there. The guy just did not belong in the main event and everyone seemed to know it. The match itself was just ok with way more overbooking than needed, especially with the story they were trying to tell. At least Lynn will have some good matches as champion though.

The locker room empties out for Lynn to give a speech but the microphone doesn’t work. Instead everyone just stands around to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The show wasn’t the worst I’ve seen in the series but it’s certainly not a good entry either. The problem here is there’s nothing interesting going on until the ending. Almost everything here feels like it was just thrown together, which is likely true due to the impending cancellation of the show. Lynn getting the title is a good idea, but the fans still see Van Dam as the top guy, and there’s no reason he’s not at worst a former World Champion at this point. You can see that things are dying and it’s not likely to get much better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN – September 29, 2000: Last Week Tonight

ECW on TNN
Date: September 29, 2000
Location: The Icenter, Salem, New Hampshire
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

The show is on borrowed time as Monday Night Raw has debuted on the same network so this episode really doesn’t mean anything. It’s the go home show for Anarchy Rulz but at the same time it’s featuring a three way dance for the ECW World Title with Justin Credible defending against Jerry Lynn and Steve Corino. Let’s get to it.

Lou E. Dangerously cuts off the intro and says he wrote all of Joel’s material. They even made him a Dudley and now he’ll be the death of Joel Gertner. Joel goes on a rant about how he never liked Lou in any of his characters. Now Lou is the Network’s music consultant and gay jokes are made. The “fight” is on with Joel slapping him into the corner, only to have Cyrus come in for the beatdown. Joey actually makes the save and thank goodness this isn’t the WWF or we’d get a tag match.

Opening sequence.

Joey threatens violence if Lou interferes on Sunday. Egads I’m shaking in my….well I’m not wearing shoes but I wouldn’t be shaking in them even if I was.

Here’s the whole Kid Kash vs. Rhino TV Title match from last week, plus the post match brawl with Van Dam.

Rhino dreams of breaking Van Dam’s neck.

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending and we see the entrances for the second week in a row. We take a break and come back for the big match intros as they might as well just put up a test patterns for all the time they’re killing here. Justin gets double teamed to start and all three wind up on the floor. Back in and Justin puts both guys down so it’s time for a chair and some swearing.

Corino fights back as this is getting a lot less heat than you would expect. Now it’s Jerry firing off right hands onto Justin’s head to bust him open. Everyone fights into the crowd for a few seconds and all three are bleeding. There’s just nothing to talk about here and it’s getting more and more obvious every second. The referee gets bumped as Jerry hits the cradle piledriver on Justin.

Cue heel referee Danny Daniels to count two and stop, allowing Justin to hit That’s Incredible……and now the referees start fighting. Of course they do. A superkick sends Jerry into another That’s Incredible for the first elimination. Way to make the #1 contender seem important ECW. So we’re down to one on one but let’s pause for Jack Victory and Francine’s interaction which goes nowhere.

Corino chops away until Justin hits him low, allowing Francine to tape him to the top rope. As in WHERE JUSTIN CAN’T PIN HIM. Well done Francine. Justin canes him a few times for two more as the fans want Sandman. Old School Expulsion on the chair gets two more with Francine making the save so here’s Dawn Marie for the catfight. Gah JUST END THIS ALREADY! That’s Incredible retains Credible’s title.

Rating: D+. Here’s the problem: why should I care about any of these guys? Lynn is the guy who has never won anything, Corino’s big deal is that he was a comedy jobber a few months ago and Credible is as uninteresting of a champion as you can find. The brawling was fine, even though they’ve made no secret of the fact that Lynn is getting the title on Sunday, making this overbooked mess a big waste of time.

CW Anderson is looking for Steve Corino and beats up Jack Victory to set up a #1 contenders match with Steve on Sunday.

Justin says he’ll beat Jerry.

Lynn is tired of making everyone else so he’ll make himself this time.

Overall Rating: D. When you have to air last week’s match to fill in time, you’ve reached the point of cutting the cord. I know it doesn’t warrant mentioning tonight as they’ve basically canceled the program at this point but the main event is where it is because of their love affair with the TV Title. Rhino might as well be World Champion at this point and it basically left the main event a glorified midcard title match. This company is clearly ready to die and it’s getting really hard to sit through these shows.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN – September 22, 2000: Dudley Do-Right Wouldn’t Stand For This

ECW on TNN
Date: September 22, 2000
Location: Hershey Centre, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

You really can see that this show is in trouble and the fact that Monday Night Raw is debuting on TNN three days after this show doesn’t make things look promising. They don’t have a major storyline at the moment other than Justin Credible defending the ECW World Title against Jerry Lynn in about two weeks on pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel are happy to be making their Canadian debut and we get to hear about Joel being maple syrup flavored. Then it’s Jerry Lynn coming out for a chat but Justin Credible interrupts in a hurry. That doesn’t go very far either as Steve Corino comes out to interrupt. Corino yells at Lynn for using his blood as body art (a fair complaint) and at Credible for cheating to retain the title. A challenge is issued to both guys but here’s Spike Dudley (still in charge despite Heyman showing up a few weeks ago) to interrupt again.

Tonight it’s going to be a three way dance for the title, which I would normally complain about but it’s not like this show has anything to build towards for the future. Spike has a guest referee in mind, only to have Rhino come out with a Gore before the anything can be announced. Cue New Jack of all people for the big garbage segment. Apparently he’s the guest referee because that makes sense. Jack hits Justin low with a vacuum cleaner and loads up the staple gun, only to have Justin and Rhino get up for the double team.

Clips of Kid Kash vs. Mikey Whipwreck from Hardcore TV with Rhino interfering and laying both guys out. That sets up the following.

TV Title: Kid Kash vs. Rhino

Kash is defending and this is joined in progress with Kash sending him outside for a dive over the barricade. So wait is this on Hardcore TV or ECW on TNN? It’s already time for a table but Kash mostly stumbles through a springboard hurricanrana before Rhino can use it. Kash springboards into a flip dive to the floor (no mats of course because they’re too hardcore for things like protecting their wrestlers) for two back inside. The table is set up in the corner and a Gore cuts Kash down. Another Gore through the table gives Rhino the title back.

Rating: D. Well that happened and now we get Rhino vs. Van Dam III for the title at the pay per view. Giving Kash the title for two weeks was fine enough, albeit not the best option when they could have put it on a bunch of different people for a more interesting result. At least it’s a rub though and that’s very important for them right now.

Post match Rhino calls out Van Dam who comes out and no sells a Gore until security breaks it up.

Chris Hamrick vs. Nova

They don’t waste time here as Elektra and Jazz get in a catfight about thirty seconds in. Nova walks into a clothesline but grabs a quick Kryptonite Crunch (White Noise) for the pin in about a minute.

Post match Chris Chetti comes in to beat on Nova and Jazz. Chetti is tired of being held back when he’s the only real athlete in that locker room. He claims to swing a chair better than anyone here so it’s time for Balls Mahoney to chase him off. Now Da Baldies come out to beat on Balls because just two run-ins aren’t enough. Let’s make it four as Chilly Willy comes in for the real save.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

FBI is defending. Guido and Doring get things going as the announcers discuss Cyrus vs. Gertner for the pay per view. We get an early standoff and Doring is livid over something. Tony comes in and the fans lose their minds over the idea of Roadkill coming in as well. It’s actually more technical wrestling until Roadkill throws Tony right into the arms of Big Sal.

Tony armdrags him down but gets his chest sat on in the eternally stupid sunset flip attempt. Guido tries his luck to about the same avail as it’s a World’s Strongest Slam and Vader Bomb elbow for two from the big man. Everything breaks down and Doring misses a big dive to the floor. Roadkill shrugs off some double teaming but Big Sal gets in a cheap shot to slow Doring down.

That advantage lasts all of ten seconds as a low blow breaks up Guido’s Kiss of Death. The hot tag brings in Roadkill for the house cleaning spot (smart given his ridiculous popularity) and everything breaks down. The Buggy Bang only gets two as Sal pulls the referee out. Roadkill gets shoved off the top through a table and it’s Doring getting splashed by Sal to retain the titles.

Rating: C. You have all those good tag teams and an effective tag team tournament but for some reason we get the rather lame FBI as the champions for reasons that aren’t clear. The problem is they’re just a basic team and that’s not enough when you have all those other options available.

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending……next week. We get all three entrances as the show ends. Oh come on with the false advertising.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s really hard to get mad at this show when there’s so little going on all the time around here. The wrestling was mostly from other shows or a way to keep the Tag Team Titles on one of the worst possible options. I was actually looking forward to that three way but nah, let’s just say it’s tonight and do it next week instead. That’s not exactly classy, no matter how bad a place they’re in at the moment.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ECW on TNN – September 15, 2000: Twenty Minutes???

ECW on TNN
Date: September 15, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

I’m hoping we can wrap up the final four episodes of this show in peace instead of the wild chaos that was last week’s show. We’re getting closer to Anarchy Rulz and this week we set up the main event as Steve Corino challenges Justin Credible for the ECW World Title. That could mean anything around here so let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week’s TV Title change.

Opening sequence.

Unholy Alliance vs. Julio Dinero/EZ Money

So Fantastico is now Dinero and his team has Chris Hamrick in the corner. The Alliance would be Mikey Whipwreck/Tajiri. Mikey hurricanranas Dinero to start and the former champs start snapping off kicks to take over early on. Tajiri and Money trade standing moonsaults for two each before Tajiri just kicks Money square in the jaw. The heel trio’s (because of course they’re a heel trio) chick Elektra distracts Tajiri long enough for a low blow to take over.

It’s off to Dinero for a Samoan drop into a neckbreaker…..which is called the Jalapeno Popper. Again I say, of course it is. Mikey kicks Dinero in the head for a save and it’s Whipwreck cleaning house. Everything breaks down and Dinero gets abused in a Tree of Woe, because that spot isn’t used all the time around here. Chris Hamrick’s interference goes badly and a double brainbuster ends Dinero.

Rating: C-. Two things here. First of all, ECW goes WAY overboard naming its moves. There were probably ten moves in this match with a name, many of which were just basic moves that didn’t require one. It gets distracting, but that’s the case with a lot of things Joey does on commentary.

The second thing is how ECW’s booking screws them over. This was a mostly straight match with winners and losers. Unfortunately I spent most of the match waiting on the interference and insanity but since it never came, the match felt incomplete. That’s absolutely not on the wrestlers and the match was fine but ECW booking continues to cause problems for itself, especially when you have a regular match.

Joel Gertner makes tires/condom jokes for his weekly rhyme.

We look at the FBI winning the Tag Team Titles last week.

The Sinister Minister and the Unholy Alliance swear vengeance. Minister: “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Your souls for the ECW Tag Team Titles.” Tajiri: “This promo is OVER!”

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Steve Corino

Justin is defending but we’re not ready yet as Francine has a contract saying Jack Victory can’t be at ringside. Corino says his boy is gone before insulting Francine (whose reaction is great as always) and saying they’ve fallen into his trap. See, they’ll never be able to out heel them because his new manager is Dawn Marie.

They slug it out to start as Joey explains Corino going from a comedy guy to a World Title contender in a few months. You’re not helping yourself here chum. Corino knocks him into the crowd but gets low blowed back inside because Justin doesn’t know how to do much else. It’s already chair time with Corino going face first for two. Justin puts up a table as a platform between the ring and the barricade, only to have the girls get into it as Joel makes really stupid jokes.

Back in and Corino makes a comeback until Francine grabs his boot. The referee gets bumped (I still don’t get that spot in ECW) so here’s Loud E. Dangerously with the cell phone over the head. Cue Billy Corgan with a guitar to Lou’s head (Joel: “Corgan just smashed that pumpkin!”) and the superkick gets no count on Justin. That means it’s time for another table (for when one isn’t enough) with Corino grabbing a northern lights suplex through the wood for two.

We get the catfight for a bit before a bunch of cane shots have Steve in trouble. Of course that means blood as a big cane shot gets two. Old School Expulsion gets two as we fill in Justin’s Bingo card with “kick out of a finisher”. Corino throws in a bunch of chairs but Francine cuts him off. You would think Dawn might DO SOMETHING HERE but she just lets Francine get tombstoned. That’s Incredible on a chair retains Justin’s title.

Rating: C. The concept of making Corino look like a player worked here but giving Justin this much time isn’t the best idea. I do like the idea of a new face in the main event scene though but at some point he needs to actually win something over someone who isn’t Dusty Rhodes. Not bad or anything, assuming you can handle this much Justin Credible in a row.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s very, very clear that they were stretching stuff out (an ECW match getting nearly twenty minutes does not happen) to get an extra episode of TV out of this taping cycle. This was really just boring and waiting around until we have a pay per view main event set up. I mean, more wrestling is definitely good around here, but is there even a top story now that the Network is gone?

 

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ECW on TNN – September 8, 2000: ECW All In One

ECW on TNN
Date: September 8, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

We’re still in New York and that’s a good thing based on the atmosphere alone. It’s a double title defense week as the new Tag Team Champions Tajiri and Mikey Whipwreck will defend against the FBI while Rhino will defend the TV Title against Kid Kash. Above all else though, it’s just nice to have Tag Team Champions who can defend their titles. Let’s get to it.

Joel and Joey do their thing and Joel talks about various women he’s had in New York. Cue Cyrus to say this show is canceled, drawing a USA chant. Cyrus goes on a rant about how horrible New Yorkers are as the announcer tease fighting him. Paul Heyman runs in for a phone shot to the head, only to have Rhino come out and put Paul through a table. A fan runs in so Rhino beats up a cop. The locker room empties out for a huge brawl and the roster body surfs Kid Kash over to Rhino for the TV Title match.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Kid Kash

Rhino is defending and ignore the other twenty people in the ring. Sandman does his big entrance as everyone else gets on the floor. We FINALLY get back to the ring as Rhino has choked Kash down in the corner, leaving Sandman to cane the champ in the head over and over. Rhino Gores him out to the floor and Kash does a big flip dive onto most of the roster.

Back in and Kash gets Gored, only to have Rob Van Dam come out for a Van Daminator (with Rhino just standing there and catching the chair like a moron). A Van Terminator sets up a Five Star/guillotine legdrop combo to give Kash the title. There’s no way I’m rating this as Kash and Rhino interacted for all of thirty seconds of this “match”, a good chunk of which was spent on Sandman’s entrance and the roster getting back to its feet.

Back from a break and let’s recap the first third of the show.

On the streets of Time Square, the Sinister Minister says he hasn’t slept since 1972 and he spends all that time thinking of evil thoughts. The FBI has been cursed so Tajiri and Mikey will be ready to keep their titles. Tajiri speaks Spanish and everyone laughs.

Blue Boy vs. Balls Mahoney

Joined in progress with Balls hammering away until a back elbow slows him down. The fans are all over St. Clair here as the referee shoves Boy down. The Ball Breaker sets up the New Jersey Jam (top rope legdrop) but Balls kisses Jasmin instead of covering. I’m sure you can imagine the jokes that Joel is firing off here. A big chair shot puts Blue Boy away.

Rating: D-. This was just a way for the fans to make blue ball jokes (How did Joel not get one in?) and fill in some time. I’m sure this was entertaining for ECW fans but this show hasn’t exactly been heavy on the wrestling quality in the first place and it’s only getting worse as the show goes on.

Jasmin hits Balls with the weakest chair shots of all time so he gives her a Nutcracker Sweet.

Video on Danny Daniels (referee) costing Jerry Lynn some matches.

Da Baldies throw people out of the ECW New York bar. Angel steals a man’s prosthetic leg.

Tag Team Titles: Tajiri/Mikey Whipwreck vs. FBI

The FBI is challenging and they have to split up if they lose. Tony and Mikey get things going and the announcers go for the easy fat jokes about Big Sal. We start with a wrestling sequence and Tony grabs a short armscissors. Joey: “I haven’t seen one of those in a long time.” Joel: “Open your eyes. There’s one going on right now.” It’s off to Tajiri vs. Guido for a nice ovation as the fans are going to remember something that worked so well multiple times.

A quick strike off gives us a stalemate so it’s back to Tony. That just means a loud kick to the head before the champs flip Tony over, sending him head first into the mat. Stereo kicks to the head set up stereo STF’s to make the FBI tap, which doesn’t count for reasons unclear. Tajiri moonsaults onto all three Italians and it’s table time. Using Sal as a launch pad, Mikey dives onto Tony and Guido.

It’s all champions so far, making me almost certain that they’re losing the belts here. More chair shots to the head have the Italians reeling and something like a Conchairto makes things even worse for Guido. An Italian chair shot FINALLY slows Mikey down and the challengers are suddenly just fine because long term selling isn’t a thing in ECW.

Mikey comes right back with a tilt-a-whirl reverse powerbomb to send Tony throat first across the top rope in a sweet counter. The hot tag brings in Tajiri to clean house with a chair, followed by a Whippersnapper through a table. Sal gets blinded but is still able to hit a superkick, setting up the Kiss of Death onto a chair to give Guido the pin on Tajiri.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. The story here, if you can call it that, was basically the Italians get beaten up, then they beat up the champs for a few seconds, only to have a lot of cheating give them the belts. I’m really not a fan of this kind of match but at least there was wrestling involved instead of the usual nonsense. I mean, other than acting like Big Sal is there for anything other than comedy of course.

Overall Rating: D-. After a few weeks of ECW starting to look better, they go right back to their old standards with this mess. This was a bunch of throwing everything out the window and doing whatever they wanted in less than an hour because it gets them towards their pay per view without having to put in any of the effort. The lack of almost any wrestling for the sake of brawling doesn’t make it any better. I couldn’t stand this show and it was every bad thing ECW is known for in one show.

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ECW on TNN – September 1, 2000: Unfortunately, Tournaments Are A Thing

ECW on TNN
Date: September 1, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

After last week, I’m really not sure what to expect from this show. This promotion goes from a fun wrestling show to some insane clip show with a bunch of wrestling that wasn’t very good to set up an angle that we’ve seen before. The next pay per view is in just over a month and I have no idea we’re going to see on the way there. Let’s get to it.

We see the end of Tajiri/Mikey Whipwreck advancing to the finals of the Tag Team Title tournament.

Opening sequence.

Joey and Joel are in the ring and the big arena does actually look cool. Joel does his rhyme about various escapades in each of the boroughs before Steve Corino comes out, flanked by Billy Corgan playing New York, New York on his guitar. I’m not sure how old school the Smashing Pumpkins were in 2000 but it’s better than Limp Bizkit.

Corino is the new #1 contender (What about Jerry?) and refuses to apologize for cheating to pin New Jack, Dusty Rhodes and Tommy Dreamer. He’s not going to apologize either when he pins Justin Credible. Cue Lou E. Dangerously and WHEN DID HE BECOME JUSTIN’S MANAGER? He’s not Justin’s manager? Well he certainly acts like him and that doesn’t help because this company makes no sense half the time with all the people running around doing random promos to advance the overall angles.

Lou yells about wanting to beat Corgan up and wants the title shot at Anarchy Rulz. A fight is about to break out when Justin Credible “sneaks” (read as Corino clearly looks over his shoulder to see him coming in) in and canes Corino. Corgan actually chokes Justin with the cane until Lou hits him in the back of the head with the phone. Lou says that’s a message from the Network. Ok so he works for the Network and not Justin? Really I’m not sure at this point and I don’t particularly care either.

Tag Team Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Rhino/Justin Credible vs. Sandman/Chilly Willy

The winners get Jerry Lynn/Tommy Dreamer. A table is brought in less than ten seconds in but Sandman cleans house with the cane. Rhino shrugs them off and Gores Sandman through the table for two, followed by the piledriver to advance Credible and Rhino in less than two minutes. Did Willy stop for a taco?

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Simon and Swinger vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

Roadkill starts fast with a powerslam on Simon but CW pulls Doring to the floor because almost every heel is part of a stable. A double Downward Spiral gets two on Doring but he grabs a double Bareback (Those names get annoying.) and makes the hot tag. Everything breaks down and Roadkill is thrown through a table, only to have Anderson hit Simon by mistake. Not that it matters as the Problem Solver puts Doring away and send Simon and Swinger to the finals.

Rating: D+. As much of a mess as most of ECW was at the end, they did have a good tag division going. Unfortunately we barely saw most of it as the matches were either clipped or had nothing on the line because of the ridiculous four month waiting period. Four weeks is a long time to not have champions but from April to September is unthinkable.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Tommy Dreamer/Jerry Lynn vs. Rhino/Justin Credible

Joined in progress with separate brawls in the crowd. They’re nice enough to come back to the ring with Jerry dropping Justin but having to spank Francine instead of going for the pin. The Gore takes Dreamer out and there’s a piledriver through the table. Little Spike Dudley comes in with an Acid Drop to Rhino and the cradle piledriver puts Justin away to send Dreamer/Lynn to the finals.

Rating: D. As usual, WAY too much going on to keep track of anything here and that gets annoying in a hurry. Why do so many matches have to go into the crowd in a wild brawl or have so many people interfering? Would a straight match every now and then, especially when we’re coming up on a title shot, be too much to ask for?

Tag Team Titles: Tommy Dreamer/Jerry Lynn vs. Simon and Swinger vs. Tajiri/Mikey Whipwreck

The titles are vacant coming in and this is elimination rules. The Sinister Minister is the only manager present and Dreamer is in a neck brace. Tajiri, Lynn and Simon start things off with Simon sitting back while the other two start fast. Everyone tags out and the new three stare at each other for a bit.

Swinger stops to pose and gets put down by the physique-phobic Dreamer and Whipwreck. Everyone fights to the floor (of course) and Dreamer actually kicks Tajiri for a change of pace. Lynn takes Simon back inside for a bow and arrow hold. All six get inside again and it’s time for double Tarantulas with Lynn and Mikey being stretched.

They’re fine enough for stereo tornado DDT’s for stereo two’s on Simon and Swinger. Cue CW Anderson to hit Dreamer with something made of metal, setting up the Problem Solver for the elimination. The locker room comes out to watch as Tajiri mists Simon, setting up a Whippersnapper for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match that I normally don’t care for but at least it gives us something. Tajiri and Whipwreck are still a new team but at least they’re a team instead of two people just thrown together for the sake of being thrown together. They’re fine as the new champions, especially since they’ll defend the titles against a strong tag division.

Everyone celebrates with the new champions.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s like they were trying to show a tournament in one night but didn’t have enough time. It was kind of confusing when they went from one round to the other and some brackets would have helped a lot. The finals being shown in full was the right move though and while I would have gone with Simon and Swinger, at least the titles aren’t vacant like they’ve been since a few weeks after Wrestlemania.

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ECW on TNN – August 25, 2000: Evil Referees Are Dumb

ECW on TNN
Date: August 18, 2000
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,400
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

The big story continues to be the upcoming Tag Team Title tournament which is taking place a week from this show. You would think they could schedule it sooner but the belts have already been vacant for four months so it’s not like it really makes much of a difference at this point. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Joel and Joey are doing their thing when we cut to Rhino, who grabs Francine by the hair to show us her broken nose. Justin Credible gets in his face so Rhino says he’d be champion if he had the chance. Injuries are promised and we get no explanation for who hurt Francine, though it’s treated like something we’re supposed to know.

Jerry Lynn vs. Bilvis Wesley

Lynn is suddenly #1 contender. Actually hang on a second as the referee grabs the mic. Apparently he’s not happy with Lynn for running into him every single time he referees Jerry’s matches. There’s a bounty on Jerry so the referee might want to claim it. The referee gets dropped so here’s Rhino to Gore Jerry Lynn through a table and then leave. Jerry fights off Tom Marquez before the cradle piledriver knocks Bilvis silly. The original referee gets up though and calls a DQ for Jerry hitting him again.

The Prodigette tries to interfere and gets a piledriver of her own. I have no idea what the point of any of this was.

Tajiri vs. Psicosis

This is from Hardcore TV for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. They’re quickly on the mat with Tajiri putting on a Brock Lock but getting flipped into a cover for two. The match is clipped (Why is this happening?) to a fast sequence and a bunch of one counts. Another clip takes us to a sweet pinfall reversal sequence and a third takes us to Psicosis crashing out to the floor thanks to a missed dive.

Another clip means we see Psicosis diving over the top to take Tajiri out again. Clipped, yet again, to a baseball slide into Psicosis’ face as he’s caught in the Tree of Woe. Tajiri hits a Stunner for two and….well you know what happens by this point. Clipped again to a Psicosis getting two off a guillotine legdrop, setting up some kicks to give Tajiri the pin. WAY too much clipping here for it to be rated but what we saw was fun.

Tajiri is in Sinister Minister’s clothes as Minister talks about crossing a line. Mikey Whipwreck comes in with balloons on his hands and sounding like Chris Farley. This show makes my head hurt very badly. Thankfully Tajiri and the Minister are confused as well.

More Hardcore TV clips of Roadkill/Danny Doring/Tommy Dreamer vs. CW Anderson/Simon and Swinger. There’s more clipping here but less action as the match was cut off for a posedown, including Roadkill doing Hogan’s poses. A wild brawl broke out and the Buggy Bang puts Swinger away.

Justin Credible/Rhino vs. Kid Kash/Rob Van Dam

Apparently Francine’s nose was broken last night at a house show. Well that’s more of an explanation than I was expecting. Kash and Credible start things off and a headscissors sends the champ off to a tag to Rhino. That means it’s time for Kash’s first hurricanrana which staggers Rhino far more than it should. Rob gets the tag and fires off some kicks before Kash has to save him from a gorilla press.

Back to back dives to the floor take the villains out again and everyone is down. Justin gets in his one non-finishing move, the superkick, to take over on Kash before handing it off to Rhino to do the work. Kash finally moonsaults onto Justin to put them both down and slides over for the tag to Van Dam. That means it’s time for a chair as everything breaks down, only to have Rhino clean house again.

Van Dam kicks Rhino in the face and drops Kash into a legdrop for two. A low blow breaks up Justin’s superplex on Kash and sets up a HORRIBLY botched super hurricanrana as Justin is dropped onto his head. The Five Star gets no cover as Rob goes up again, only to get caned by Justin. The Moneymaker plants Justin and there goes the referee. Rhino piledrives Kash through a table and of course here’s Sandman because this feud just won’t end. Sandman canes Rhino a few times until Justin canes Sandman from behind. Now it’s Steve Corino coming in to superkick Rhino, setting up the Van Terminator for the pin.

Rating: D. So the big deal is that Van Dam finally pinned Rhino and it only took four people to do it. If this is the best thing ECW can come up with, then they’re in more trouble than I was thinking coming in. It’s also going to be even harder to care about Van Dam vs. Rhino on pay per view as we’ve seen it twice on free TV already but that doesn’t seem to matter to the company.

Overall Rating: D-. I’m really not sure what this show was supposed to be. We had a weird angle at the beginning, two clipped matches from another TV show and a long main event with an angle that doesn’t really mean much. We’ve got about six weeks before Anarchy Rulz and I’m really not sure what I’m supposed to be excited about. Jerry Lynn getting a World Title shot in his home state? That’s the best they’ve got? Is there any reason we’re not getting Rob Van Dam as World Champion already? Bad show this week as they’re getting more bizarre than better.

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