Monday Night Raw
Date: May 20, 2002
Location: Pyramid, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first night of the Undertaker regime and that means we’re getting closer to King of the Ring. In addition to that, I’m sure there’s a good chance that we’re going to get more of Austin vs. the NWO, which is now adding names for Austin to beat up from week to week. As long as it’s not Austin vs. Big Show, I think we’re good. Let’s get to it.

We open with a rest in peace video for the British Bulldog. There’s a lot more effort here than in most of these, though the fact that he was only 39 makes it even harder to accept. That’s just too young for anyone.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam comes to the ring because the scripts calls for him to be there, only to have Undertaker come out and beat the tar out of him. A whip into the steps busts open Van Dam’s eye and Undertaker hits him with the steps for good measure. Undertaker is mad that he didn’t get to open the show and had to beat up Van Dam for trying to steal his spotlight. When he feels like he has something to say, he’s going to come down here and say it no matter who is in the ring.

The number one rule around here is respect the Undertaker and you can ask Hulk Hogan what happens when you disobey. Last night, he killed Hulkamania and it’s over for good. In fact, Hogan is going to announce his retirement on Smackdown. As Undertaker keeps talking, the referees are STILL checking on Van Dam, which means we’re just waiting on him to get up and do something else. We keep hearing about respect as Van Dam crawls into the ring. Undertaker thinks Van Dam is thick between the ears and the fight is on with Rob kicking him down and hitting a Five Star.

Undertaker demands a match with Van Dam tonight so Ric Flair makes it a title match. Makes sense given their history but doesn’t make a ton of sense given Flair as a smart heel who would want to stay on Undertaker’s good side.

Hardy Boyz vs. NWO

X-Pac and Big Show here. Jeff starts with a headscissors on X-Pac as the announcers don’t have much to say about the Hardys getting destroyed by Lesnar last night. Matt comes in with a Side Effect but Show realizes that he’s Big and runs Matt over from the apron. Show gets in his big beatdown segment but it’s back to X-Pac who misses a charge in the corner. I can’t picture this pair of screwups being the best idea for a team.

The brothers get smart and try to double team X-Pac, only to get thrown around by Show. Booker T. kicks Big Show by mistake because this team is rapidly turning into a big joke that just won’t go away. With things going horribly for the NWO, here’s Goldust as Elvis for an accidental distraction, allowing Jeff to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. This is where the NWO belongs: as a tag team who can probably beat some lower level pairings but aren’t quite good enough to go after the Tag Team Titles, mainly because they don’t exist on Raw at this point. It’s amazing what happens when you get rid of Hall and let X-Pac do most of the wrestling. The matches aren’t good but they’re a lot less horrible.

Paul Heyman talks to Trish about her lingerie and sex is suggested. Denied, but it’s suggested.

The NWO argues over who should be the leader. Maybe Flair should have joined. Somehow this gets us to Goldust/Booker T. vs. the Hardys later tonight. Did anyone ask Matt and Jeff if they’re cool with this?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

Trish is defending. Jackie slaps her in the chest to start, giving Lawler his favorite spot in years. A headlock doesn’t get Jackie anywhere but an armdrag into an armbar works a bit better. Trish fights up with forearms and a suplex for two. Lawler: “I’d like to be her thigh master.” Jackie misses a charge in the corner and the bulldog retains the title. This was actually pretty good while it lasted but the time hurt it, as is always the case.

Heyman and Lesnar come out and threaten Trish with violence if she doesn’t go out with Paul. Cue Bubba Ray Dudley for the save to give Brock his first singles feud.

Video on last night’s big matches. Isn’t that how you should open the show?

Tommy Dreamer is still gross and one person continues to laugh. This time he eats hair as he gets it cut and washes it down with something called Barbicide, which is apparently a disinfectant. What do you even say to something like this?

Rob Van Dam isn’t going to listen to the doctor who tells him not to wrestle tonight.

GET THE F OUT!

European Title: William Regal vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Bubba is challenging and starts fast with a slam and those big elbows. You really can see the Dusty Rhodes influence in there and that’s not the worst thing in the world. Molly Holly, in Regal’s corner here, trips Bubba to let Regal take over but the guys slam heads for a double knockdown. The Flip Flop and Fly have Regal in trouble and it’s table time for no logical reason. Cue Lesnar for the DQ.

After an F5, Molly slips Regal the knuckles to knock Bubba out again.

Here are Flair and Arn Anderson for the 10pm chat. Flair admits that he’s made some mistakes over the years but there are too few to mention. See, last night, Austin pinned the illegal man so it’s time for a new plan. This brings out Austin to hear said plan face to face. Or face to heels actually. Anderson threatens him with violence and Austin doesn’t seem impressed. Anyway, Flair says he owns Austin and is going to take him out of the ring. Stunning and beer drinking ensues.

Hardy Boyz vs. Goldust/Booker T.

Raven of all people comes out for commentary and rips on Lawler for his lame job calling matches. Lawler won’t be too interested in this match because Lita and her puppies aren’t here. JR asks about Goldust and Booker’s relationship. Raven: “You don’t know much about relationships Lawler. That’s why your wife left you.” Some forearms put Matt down to start and Booker dances around a bit before tagging Goldust in. The Side Effect puts Goldust down but here’s the NWO to kick Goldust in the back of the head. Matt grabs a small package for the pin.

Austin and Debra are at a karaoke bar. I don’t see this being funny.

Back in the ring, Goldust is still down with the NWO around him. Booker isn’t cool with X-Pac and Big Show interfering because it cost him a match. They yell at each other over their actions last night with Booker saying X-Pac can’t get laid. Show points out that they never invited Booker to join the team, which makes you wonder WHY HE’S STILL THERE. Can the boss just assign people to stables? Anyway Kevin Nash comes out to take charge of the group and rips into them like a bunch of losers. Booker is officially on the team and seems very happy about it because Nash is just so darn inspirational.

Eddie Guerrero is at the bar as well and sends Debra a teddy bear. Does the bar just happen to sell teddy bears? Austin isn’t pleased.

After the announcers plug the upcoming Australia show, Raven asks if Lawler knows anything about wrestling anymore. Raven gets on a regular mic and yells at Lawler for only talking about puppies. A challenge is issued for later tonight.

Debra asks Austin to sing but Eddie takes the mic and sings…..I have no idea actually. It’s booed off the stage as expected.

Raven vs. Jerry Lawler

Raven starts with some basic stuff and Lawler gets a bit more height than I was expecting off a backdrop. They head outside so Raven can yell at JR but Lawler gets all fired up and takes the strap down. A bunch of right hands and rams into the buckle have the crowd all entertained and knock Raven loopy. Raven bails before the fist drop can hit.

Rating: D-. They can’t even have Raven do a job for Lawler in Memphis? I’m fine with Jerry doing this once or twice a year to give the fans a quick thrill because nothing the company is going to put out there is going to fire them up like a quick Lawler match. That being said, I really don’t get the idea of having Raven walking out instead of just taking the pin. Then again, the insults he got in on Lawler were pure gold and more than make up for the loss.

Austin sings Margaritaville but Eddie doesn’t like it. Since this is 2002 Austin, he turns his back on Eddie and gets a beer bottle broken over his head. Aside from this taking WAY too long to finally get to the point, the idea of Austin vs. Guerrero is a huge improvement over the NWO nonsense. It’s going to suck for the Intercontinental Title but at least they’re elevating someone.

Undisputed Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Undertaker

Van Dam is challenging and his eye probably isn’t healed up yet. A big dive takes Undertaker out before the bell, which probably isn’t the best idea in the world. Undertaker crotches himself with a missed big boot and some kicks get some two counts. A clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor and Van Dam is right back out there with some kicks to the back. Undertaker gets back inside but can’t hit the Last Ride.

Instead he ribs off a buckle pad but opts to elbow Rob in the face instead. The chokeslam is broken up and Undertaker goes into the exposed buckle. Rolling Thunder connects for the pin with Undertaker’s foot on the ropes and Memphis is way too smart for that. Cue Flair to say the foot was on the ropes so the match is continuing. The Last Ride retains the title.

Rating: C. Undertaker gave Rob a lot here and it was a lot more entertaining than I was expecting. Van Dam moving higher up on the card is a good thing and it’s always cool to see someone younger in the main event scene. I remember watching this live but I had missed the foot being on the rope. It’s amazing how much fun you can have when you get surprised by something like this and buy that they did something like that.

Flair is pleased to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s a lot of bad stuff on here and it’s certainly not a good show but WHAT AN IMPROVEMENT this was over recent weeks. Guerrero and Van Dam are moving up the card, the NWO has an actual leader (though they lost both of their matches), Undertaker, though still bad, is a huge upgrade over Hogan as champion and Brock vs. Bubba could give us some good fights.

That being said, there’s a lot of bad around here too. There was way too much time spent on the bar segments and Undertaker’s opening segment, which could have been done in half the time. The short matches still don’t do the show any favors and it’s not a good sign that the Hardys have to work twice. They have so many people running around on the show with nothing to do but we need to see Matt and Jeff twice in an hour and a half? It’s still not a good show but this was miles ahead of everything they’ve been doing in the last month.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 17, 2016
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

It’s a big moment tonight as Goldberg will be making his first appearance in WWE in over twelve years. Goldberg is back tonight to answer Paul Heyman’s challenge for a match against Brock Lesnar at some point in the future (likely next month’s Survivor Series). Other than that we have two more shows before the Cell is lowered so let’s get to it.

Opening sequence. Is there a reason why they got rid of Last Week on Raw? Taking too much promo time up?

Here are Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho for the opening chat. Owens thinks Mick Foley has a personal vendetta against him because he’s put the title match inside the Cell. Jericho’s calls for quiet backfire so he talks about all the stuff that happened inside the Cell over the years, including ending Foley’s career.

It’s still going to be the Chris and Kevin Show because Jericho should have been in that match as well. We hear Jericho’s resume again, including beating Rock and Austin on the same night. Jericho: “Bet you forgot about that one!” He only lost last week because of bad refereeing so THE REFEREE IS ON THE LIST!

This brings out Rollins to a BIG face chant. Like, even bigger than the time he beat up Roman Reigns and should have been turned face then. Rollins thinks everything about Jericho should be on the List, including the trunks which Rollins refers to as Sparkle Crotch. Jericho: “I AM NOT SPARKLE CROTCH!” For calling him that, Rollins JUST MADE THE LIST!

Seth brings up Owens bailing on Jericho two weeks in a row but that’s just to keep the team strong. Jericho issues a challenge to Rollins, who wants to fight right now. Actually hang on because Seth wants to know what Owens is going to do. Jericho and Owens disagree about whether Owens should stay or go with Jericho saying he’s got this because Owens can be here in spirit. Rollins: “Let’s do this. Owens, get your hands off Sparkle Crotch.”

Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins

First good sign of the match: the bell rings as we get back because Foley made it official during the break. Do that WAY more often. The SPARKLE CROTCH chants begin as Rollins clotheslines Jericho out of the corner and stomps on the Canadian. A backbreaker gives Jericho two and control but he has to fight out of a Pedigree attempt. Jericho backdrops him over the top and face first onto the apron as we take a break.

Back with both guys getting up and Rollins scoring with a Sling Blade for two. The nose breaking knee has Jericho in trouble but here’s Owens for a distraction. Rollins hits the springboard knee but gets distracted anyway, allowing Jericho to grab the Walls. The referee sees Owens holding the ropes away from Rollins though and the hold is broken. Instead Jericho goes with an enziguri but the Codebreaker is countered into a Pedigree for the pin at 14:36.

Rating: B-. This third straight loss for Jericho is proof of how important talking is in wrestling. Jericho has lost to Rollins three times now and he’s still going to be one of the most over acts on the roster with all of his stupid lines and charisma. It’s something so few people have going for them and Jericho is one of the best ever at it.

We look at Goldberg’s first win in WCW.

Earlier today, Lita sat down with Charlotte for a chat about what it means to go inside the Cell. Charlotte brags about how awesome she is and how this is the latest moment on her already amazing resume. She’s won eleven pay per view title matches in a row and this is going to be another one. Charlotte lists off all her accomplishments and says she’s going to win again because that’s what she does.

Golden Truth/Mark Henry vs. Shining Stars/Titus O’Neil

This is over the Shining Stars trying to rip Henry off fake Rolexes. Apparently they were Titus Brand watches so there’s your reason for this match. Titus beats on Goldust to start and it’s off to Primo for a chinlock. The powerslam allows the hot tag to Truth as everything breaks down. Henry tags himself in and the World’s Strongest Slam ends Titus at 3:09.

Rating: F. Oh screw off WWE. This was another waste of time because they don’t bother with putting together a storyline and just threw six guys out there for the sake of throwing six guys out there to fill in time. I have a big problem caring about WWE when it’s clear that they don’t care either. Either give this time to something worthwhile or have the people out there eating sandwiches because it might actually be more interesting than a three minute match over a Titus Brand Rolex.

Jericho yells at Owens for coming down to ringside and almost calls him a Stupid Idiot. Owens calls him out on it and here’s STEPHANIE TO SAVE THE DAY! She says this is what Seth Rollins is trying to do and somehow ties it into the feud with Smackdown over the upcoming Survivor Series matches. Stephanie leaves and the guys are all quiet because Mama yelled at them.

Big E. vs. Sheamus

Before the match, Big E. laughs at the idea of Cesaro and Sheamus being a good team. Kofi points out that you can’t say Sheamus without the word SHAME. Woods: “I doubt these two are even friends on Facebook.” Sheamus isn’t pleased and starts fast with a German suplex. Cesaro watches on Facebook Live because WWE wants you to stop watching the show and go look at that. The apron splash gets Big E. out of trouble and Cesaro stops for more video.

Back from a break with Sheamus diving into a belly to belly but blocking the Warrior Splash. Big E. grabs a powerbomb of all things for two and Sheamus gets the same off White Noise. Cesaro takes this opportunity to go into the crowd with his phone but Sheamus takes it away and demands that he film the following Brogue Kick. Instead it’s a splash in the corner and a rollup to give Big E. the pin at 10:24.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match here but OH MY GOODNESS this story is annoying. The whole thing is a way to hype up WWE on Facebook Live and we’re stuck sitting through the next two weeks of watching Cesaro and Sheamus losing but hoping they might pull it together in the title match. That’s storytelling in today’s Raw tag team division.

The next Goldberg video is him winning the WCW World Title from Hollywood Hogan on July 8, 1998. Cole actually makes two mistakes here, which is bad even for him.

1. Cole says this was when Goldberg had been undefeated for a year. You would know this is wrong because about half an hour ago, Cole showed us Goldberg’s debut in September 1997.

2. Cole says Goldberg was the first undefeated WCW World Champion. Save for Giant of course, who won the title in his debut match.

Point to all this: WWE is bad at wrestling history so you should buy my books about it instead.

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Bo Dallas vs. Neville

Curtis Axel is in Bo’s corner and is the biggest Bo-liever of them all. Dallas is all aggressive to start and knees away on a much smaller looking Neville. He’s clearly lost some muscle, perhaps for a cruiserweight run. Neville misses his running kick to the face but does his an Asai moonsault. Back in and Bo charges into a boot to the face but manages to leg sweep his way out of the Red Arrow’s path. A Roll of the Dice gives Bo the big upset at 2:56. So this is what you get for being arrested on a flight.

Bo beats Axel up post match and holds up the BO-LIEVE IN BO sign.

Bayley vs. Dana Brooke

Dana runs around a bit to start but gets caught in a Stunner over the middle rope. Back in and Dana knees her in the ribs, meaning it’s time for a Ken Bone joke. A chinlock doesn’t last long and Bayley starts with her elbows, followed by a dropkick to the back. Dana sends her face first into the post and…..gets the pin at 4:10. The ending looked a bit odd, as in not the planned ending. I think Dana was supposed to put her feet on the ropes (she was swinging her leg near them) but didn’t get them up there, meaning it was closer to a clean win.

Rating: D+. I was getting into this until the screwy ending. In theory that was designed to set up a rematch at the pay per view but instead it’s basically Dana just beating Bayley in about four minutes. If that’s the case then it makes a lot more sense but this ending hurt things a lot.

Paul Heyman joins us via satellite to say Goldberg isn’t worth Lesnar’s time because it’s a fantasy challenge. It would behoove Goldberg to just not show up tonight because otherwise Lesnar is going to hurt him very badly. The fans chant YES but Heyman says that’s just hurting Goldberg even worse.

Braun Strowman vs. Mile High Trio

The jobbers don’t have names but one of them thinks Strowman will have issues with the altitude. One of the guys has curly hair so Graves says he thought it was No Way Jose’s less intimidating cousin, Perhaps Not Jorge. Strowman throws two of them to the floor and LAUNCHES the third onto his partners. One of the trio tries to leave so Strowman chases him down and throws him back in. A powerslam and reverse chokeslam give Braun a double pin at 2:16.

Strowman says he’s coming to take matters into his hands right now but here’s Sami Zayn to cut him off. Strowman shoves him out to the floor and walks off. At least it’s something for both guys and that’s a good thing.

Sami says he’ll fight Strowman because no one else will.

Here are Rusev and Lana to run down America and its horrible family values. He’s heard about Roman’s family but he doesn’t want to hear about 700 Samoans sitting around a campfire dipping a turkey leg in mayonnaise. As a counter, Rusev, has a photo album of his own family.

This includes his mother (two time world rowing champion), his father (who wrestled in the military), his brother Rusev (Rusev Rusev? Either way he’s a chef.), his grandmother and their award winning dog. Reigns FINALLY comes out to interrupt and is quickly beaten down, allowing Rusev to put Reigns in the Accolade. The fight was good but the family bit ran WAY too long.

Clip of Goldberg debuting in WWE. So he had two big moments in WCW and then he was on Raw? That’s quite the reason to hype him up this much.

Emmalina video.

Big Cass vs. Karl Anderson

Cass erupts on Anderson in the corner and sends him flying with a fall away slam. Back in after a quick brawl with the partners and it’s the East River Crossing for the pin on Karl at 1:10.

Tony Nese and Drew Gulak agree on some kind of a deal with Brian Kendrick when TJ Perkins comes in. Perkins thinks there’s been a deal made but Kendrick says he doesn’t know how this works. TJ thinks this is WWE2K17 and he has unlimited lives but this is Kendrick’s last life. Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann come in and there’s a six man later. I appreciate the attempt at a story but the delivery was TERRIBLE here.

Earlier today Sasha Banks sat down with Lita. Sasha knows Charlotte will be ready because they’ve fought so many times before. Charlotte needs to know that the show is in Boston though and Sasha will be on her game in her hometown. Sasha is over her back injury and might be a bit intimidated by the Cell but she’s not afraid.

Video on Goldberg winning his second World Title at Unforgiven 2003.

Cedric Alexander/TJ Perkins/Rich Swann vs. Brian Kendrick/Tony Nese/Drew Gulak

Gulak takes Alexander into the corner to start before it’s off to Perkins to slam Nese in the corner. A tornado DDT is countered into a suplex for two on TJ and Kendrick comes in, only to get caught in the kneebar. Back from a break (yes a break in this match at 10:45) with Swann coming in for a hurricanrana as everything breaks down. Nese gives Rich the 450 and the Captain’s Hook is enough for the submission at 7:15.

Rating: C. This match exists and I’m not sure what else there is to say about it. The big takeaway for me is we have a six man tag that people don’t really care about so ALL SIX GOT AN ENTRANCE on a show that is already packed to the gills. Someone needs to map this show out a lot better because it’s only making things better.

The Bosses recap the idea for Survivor Series and make Jericho vs. Owens vs. Rollins for next week. Stephanie LOVES the idea. Foley: “I feel like we have a connection.” Stephanie: “Like the Rock N Sock Connection?”

We see Goldberg’s comments on SportsCenter from two weeks ago.

We see Heyman’s comments from last week.

Cole brings out “the greatest champion in WCW history”. I’ll just let that sink in for a moment as Goldberg gets the big, long walk entrance through the back with everyone applauding him (and the Governor of Colorado being shown on camera chanting his name). Goldberg finally comes out and soaks in some cheers before saying you should never say never again. His wife and son are here to see him for the first time ever.

Back in January, he got a phone call from 2K asking him to promote their new video game. The thing he misses most, other than hurting people, is being a hero for kids. Somewhere along the way, he created some drama around here and maybe it’s better left alone. Fans: “NO!” Goldberg: “BUT THEN!” Fans: “YAY!”

Goldberg talks about Brock having Heyman challenge him to a fight, which made him think he has one more beating left in him. Maybe he has one more spear and Jackhammer in him. That means Brock is next but he’s also last. Goldberg goes around the ring and picks up some kids (including his own) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show was a three hour tease until Goldberg FINALLY showed up to do what pretty much everyone was expecting. Raw is a show that really could use the NXT formula: have an A crew and a B crew and don’t put them on the show every week. There’s so much stuff on here that feels like it’s crammed in because EVERYTHING has to make air every show, leading to a lot of short matches that don’t have time to do anything because we need to move on to something else.

There are a few good things scattered throughout the show but with nothing getting a focus (and the World Champion stuck in the opening segment as a background character while the adults do everything else) until the end, the show was WAY too long and full of stuff that wasn’t interesting, which is the case far too often anymore.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Chris Jericho – Pedigree

Golden Truth/Mark Henry b. Shining Stars/Titus O’Neil – World’s Strongest Slam to O’Neil

Big E. b. Sheamus – Rollup

Bo Dallas b. Neville – Roll of the Dice

Dana Brooke b. Bayley – Ram into the post

Braun Strowman b. Mile High Trio – Reverse chokeslam

Big Cass b. Karl Anderson – East River Crossing

Brian Kendrick/Tony Nese/Drew Gulak b. TJ Perkins/Rich Swann/Cedric Alexander – Captain’s Hook to Swann

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 2002
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Since when does a city get Wrestlemania in March and Raw in May? It’s the final Raw before Judgment Day and the big question is what can possibly happen to Hogan and Undertaker now? Last week was a total disaster and I can’t imagine things are going to get any better here. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar

From a Tag Team Title match at Wrestlemania to putting Lesnar over two months later. Matt gets in a few shots to start but hands it off to Jeff, who is planted with a big, strong slam. Matt goes after the leg as the fans chant for the Maple Leafs. The slow beating of Matt continues until a ram into the buckle allows the tag to Jeff. Right hands don’t work and a HORRIBLY botched jawbreaker sets up Poetry in Motion for the big hope spot. Jeff hits a splash as Matt drops a top rope leg but Heyman pulls the referee out at two for the LAME DQ. JR: “I think the referee has disqualified Heyman.” Not quite Jim.

Rating: D. So Matt and Jeff get to beat Brock and almost have him pinned? Well on one hand, Lesnar shouldn’t be able to beat one of the best teams ever but on the other hand, Lesnar shouldn’t be in anything close to this much trouble yet. As has been the case with everything else around here lately, this was really poorly booked and does a lot more harm than good.

Post match, the Hardys hit their tandem finishers so Heyman challenges them to a rematch at the pay per view with himself as Brock’s partner. Matt immediately accepts in a very loud voice for someone not on a microphone.

The NWO is in the back when Ric Flair comes in. Flair has apparently taken over as leader for the group but he’s had to fire Scott Hall for dropping the ball at Wrestlemania and multiple other times (read as because of the Plane Ride). On top of that, of course Nash isn’t suspended because he’s just out healing from bicep surgery. As for tonight though, there’s going to be a new member of the team and it’s such a big secret that even the new member doesn’t know yet. Uh, that’s kind of a stretch no?

Get The F Out.

Here are Flair and Big Show with something to say. Flair mentions being a sixteen time World Champion, which makes him fifteen times better than the Maple Leafs. The Leafs have won thirteen Stanley Cups so I have no idea what he’s going for there. I get what he means but the wording is weird. He also has a real enforcer in Big Show instead of that worthless Tie Domi.

Flair thinks it’s clear that there’s a problem between himself and Steve Austin. He gave Austin everything he wanted and got Stunned so Austin is like everyone else here: trash. Austin is in big trouble on Sunday, but tonight Flair has other ideas. Tonight, he’ll be challenging Hulk Hogan for the World Title. I can live with that actually as their matches can at least be passable and shouldn’t involve motorcycles.

Post break we’re told that Flair has made his title shot a No DQ match. That’s probably necessary.

Hogan arrives…..on a motorcyle. Oh geez.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title and fallout from Eddie accusing Planet Stasiak of growing marijuana. I’ve heard weirder. I mean, I can’t think of anything at the moment but I’m sure it’s out there. Maybe on Planet Stasiak. We’re not ready yet though as Rob Van Dam comes out to watch as well. Stasiak grabs a quick gutwrench suplex but Eddie gets in a regular suplex to set up the frog splash for the easy pin.

Van Dam jumps Eddie post match. Eddie yells at Rob for interfering in his match (which he didn’t do) and promises to get revenge on Sunday.

Steve Austin doesn’t think much of Flair and does a lot of WHAT stuff to bother Coach. He says he’s going to win on Sunday and insults Flair in a bit that takes about three times as long as it should.

And now, A Day in the Life of Tommy Dreamer. See, Tommy is disgusting and brushes his dog’s teeth before using the same brush, shaves his tongue and drinks toilet water. I’ll take an answer to any one of the following questions:

How does this advance anything?

How stupid do you have to be to find this amusing?

What does this accomplish other than making the answer to the previous question laugh?

Was there no one else who could get this time?

Why am I watching this on a wrestling show?

Molly Holly vs. Terri

William Regal, who seems to be dating Molly is on commentary. Terri is wrestling in a tank top and underwear so you can imagine who Lawler is cheering for. We start with Terri’s horrible offense (since she’s not a wrestler) as Lawler makes fun of Molly for being a virgin. A suplex gets two for Molly but she gets crotched on top and taken down by a shockingly competent hurricanrana. Not that it matters as Molly small packages her for the easy pin. This got double the time as the match to set up Sunday’s Intercontinental Title match.

Regal escorts Molly out so she doesn’t have to deal with rude Canadian fans.

WWE World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

No DQ. Hogan is defending and comes to the ring on a motorcycle because that’s the plot point of his feud with Undertaker. A shoulder puts Flair down early and it’s time to pose a lot. Flair gets shouldered again so it’s time for an early chair. By that I mean Ric throws one around and tries chops for some reason, only to have Hogan chop him in the corner instead.

Hogan switches over to the much better right hands and a slam off the top as they’re just doing the old standards here. Flair takes over with a low blow and stomps away before starting in on the knee. The knee drop to the knee is blocked and Hogan puts Ric in the Figure Four. Flair makes the ropes and it’s already Hulk Up time. The big boot and legdrop look to finish but X-Pac comes in for the save. Big Show and Bradshaw are your next to run-ins, followed by Austin to Stun Flair, setting up the legdrop to retain the title.

Rating: D. Hogan and Austin in the same match and somehow the idea of them doing ANYTHING together was never even teased on TV. Pay either of them whatever they want to set that match up as I’m sure one of them would be able to get over their legacy issues if the check was big enough. Anyway, Hogan was much more in his element here: getting in and out in less than two minutes and having more than enough interference to keep him from actually wrestling.

Flair yells at the NWO and makes a lumberjack match with Austin facing the newest member of the team. Fine, but have we gotten a reason as to why Flair is with the NWO or whether or not he’s actually with the team? I know he’s hanging out with them but he’s not in NWO gear and isn’t announced as an official member. Ignoring the fact that Flair would be the last person to join that group, could they at least make this a bit more clear?

Hardcore Title/Women’s Title: Bubba Ray Dudley/Trish Stratus vs. Steven Richards/Jazz

Richards and Jazz are defending and only one title changes if the champions lose. Bubba throws Trish onto both champions to start and tells Richards to shut up. Trish takes Jazz inside for the opening bell before Bubba splashes Richards into Jazz. That means Jazz falls face first into Richards’ crotch. It’s funny you see. The weapons are brought in because the match is half hardcore (just like the division for years now).

Bubba starts punching Richards and crushes his crotch with a hockey stick and stop sign. Since we haven’t buried this idea into the ground enough, here are Crash Holly and Justin Credible to unsuccessfully go after the title. Steven tags Jazz in because tags exist in a hardcore match. Jazz’s double chickenwing slam sends Trish crashing to the mat but a quick Stratusfaction gives Trish the title back.

Rating: D-. My head hurts again and most of it is due to that hardcore nonsense. This story could have been done just as easily (and far more effectively) with the men being left out. At least Trish won the title back in her hometown, which makes you wonder why they didn’t just do the title change at Wrestlemania about six weeks ago. The hardcore stuff got the focus because it’s flashier and the title change is overlooked. Such is life in 2002 WWE.

Trish tells Bubba to get the tables and the already knocked out Jazz is powerbombed. Nice one WWE.

Undertaker has nothing to say about last week’s motorcycle incident. That’s probably better for everyone involved.

We run down the pay per view card. I’m not exactly thrilled, even with all the gimmicks included.

Goldust and Booker T. will be lumberjacks tonight so Goldust has given Booker a costume. We get part of the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python and Booker finally snaps. I don’t know what it is about these things but they keep cracking me up. It could be that it’s two guys with comedic chemistry and funny material instead of unfunny people with no chemistry and bad material. Just a thought.

Bradshaw vs. X-Pac/Big Show

X-Pac starts for the team and gets thrown around like the smaller guy he is so Bradshaw can drop some elbows. Bradshaw makes the mistake of going after Big Show though and gets double teamed with Show pulling him down by the hair. X-Pac gets thrown around some more until Show hits Bradshaw in the back with a chair. Two chokeslams give X-Pac the easy pin.

Rating: D-. Was this supposed to be interesting? The NWO is down to the sixth original member and someone who left the team twice, plus Ric Flair (maybe). It took two members plus a chair shot to beat BRADSHAW. The team can’t even beat midcarders on their own anymore and it’s not even sad anymore. Now it’s just annoying and a really big waste of time.

Hogan, in a helmet and leather jacket, says he was thinking about taking the gear off and scaring hoodlums in neighborhoods but he’d rather be a lumberjack. Cue Undertaker to beat Hogan down and tie him to the motorcycle. Undertaker then rides it around the back of the arena in something that looks like it belongs in a straight to DVD comedy which isn’t funny in the first place. Actually, I think Hogan does something like this in Suburban Commando (which is a classic and therefore doesn’t fit the earlier description).

After riding around the back of the arena for a bit, which looks more fun than dangerous and painful, Hogan crashes into some cardboard boxes. That could be very abrasive to the skin, especially in leather. This was more funny than bad but can I get Hogan in a leather jacket and helmet rampaging through neighborhoods and beating up low level criminals? That almost has to be a rejected movie script somewhere. Hogan gets looked at by medics and put in a neck brace, despite that probably being the safest stunt this side of a stunt man you’ll see in WWE.

Steve Austin vs. ???

Flair has handpicked the lumberjacks so Austin beats up the low level heels for a warmup. The newest member is….Booker T. Well who else was it going to be? Like seriously, who else? Regal maybe? Eddie? It’s not like Booker is doing anything else at the moment other than the funniest stuff on the show. Luckily Booker is completely willing to join the team, even though it’s a downgrade from the Lumberjack Song. Lawler: “Who wouldn’t want to be in the NWO?” JR: “Just about anybody with any common sense.” True story.

Booker hammers away and Austin hammers away before grabbing a spinebuster to take over. The FU elbow is broken up by Boss Man pulling Austin to the floor so Brock can beat him up. A ram into the post only gives Booker two so Austin hits another spinebuster and the worst right hands I’ve ever seen him throw. Flair and the NWO beat on Austin some more but he clotheslines Booker as he gets up from the Spinarooni. The NWO beats up Austin for the third time so he hits Booker low, beats up more lumberjacks, Stuns Regal…..and rolls Booker up for the pin.

Rating: F. My head is exploding from watching this. In case it’s not clear, Austin is fighting the NWO, which they established earlier tonight, over the last several months, plus THREE TIMES IN A FIVE MINUTE MATCH. The NWO has turned into a horrible disaster (which wasn’t that far of a fall in the first place) and now the newest member, and pretty easily the most talented member of the team at the moment, is losing in a 10 on 1 match? Booker is the kind of guy who could easily be elevated to the main event (which is DYING for fresh blood, especially on the face side) but he’s jobbing to Austin like this? There are no words.

Post match Arn Anderson of all people jumps Austin from behind and a big beatdown ends the show.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. This show has turned into a circus and the NWO is stuck in the tiny car. The ONLY face worth anything on this show is Austin and he’s stuck with this never ending NWO feud where he’s clearly slumming it, even when the entire team is fighting him at once. Flair is a low rent version of Mr. McMahon, Brock is stuck fighting the Hardyz again and again, Booker is now in the NWO because reasons, Eddie and Van Dam are talented but are basically this show’s cruiserweights (have the only good matches all night and then get forgotten by the halfway point) and the women are fighting about being virgins.

I don’t even know what to make fun of on here. They know how to put on good shows but this whole EVERYONE IS A HEEL BUT AUSTIN schtick is getting old. Let Van Dam go fight in the main event or have Booker help in the fight against the NWO instead of joining it. Just do…..ANYTHING other than what they’re doing at the moment. I have no idea who thinks this is the best way to go about doing things but something needs to change and it needs to change soon because this is some of the worst wrestling TV I’ve ever seen.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 10, 2016
Location: Oracle Arena, Oakland, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

We’re less than three weeks away from Hell in a Cell and only one of the namesake matches has been set up so far. The interesting question is what will be the second (if not the third): Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens or Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks. Both have been announced for the show but neither has officially been announced as taking place inside the Cell. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Sasha Banks to get things going. Sasha says she’s on top of the world right now and wishes Eddie Guerrero a happy birthday. She spent years watching Eddie lie, cheat and steal his way to the top. Last week she was in the main event of Raw, just like Trish Stratus and Lita were all those years ago. Sasha knows the rematch is coming at Hell in a Cell so let’s put it inside the Cell for the first time ever.

Cue Charlotte but Rusev (now with sideburns) and Lana of all people come out to interrupt. Rusev says no one cares about this women’s revolution but Charlotte takes the mic from him and, with Stephanie style tones, asks Rusev who he thinks he is. The match with Sasha is on inside the Cell.

Rusev takes the mic back and says good for you but he wasn’t done. This time it’s Sasha taking the mic away and throwing it to the mat. Lana says Sasha and Charlotte need to learn their place because they’re whining like little girls. That earns Lana a shove down and Rusev gets dropkicked out to the floor. Roman Reigns comes out to prevent the male on female violence. The match really doesn’t need to be inside the Cell from a storyline perspective but this is the next logical step for the women being treated as equals and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Here’s New Day to talk about the history of sports in Oakland, including the Splash Brothers and the Bash Brothers. That brings them to the most famous friends though: Danny Tanner and Uncle Jesse. See, there’s about to be a full house because New Day is three of a kind and they’re about to deal with a pair in Cesaro and Sheamus. Kofi has a hot garbage sign to describe Sheamus and Woods says the title match at the pay per view will prove that New Day rocks.

Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston

Cesaro shoulders him down to start as we hear about Demolition’s record again. Apparently Sheamus is on Facebook while he’s sitting on the steps, not watching the match. They head outside for a staredown as we take a break. Back with Kofi getting two off a middle rope crossbody as Sheamus is still on Facebook. Trouble in Paradise misses and it’s time for the Uppercut Train. Kofi escapes a Sharpshooter attempt but tweaks his leg on a springboard attempt. Sheamus decides to go after Francesca and the distraction lets Kofi small package Cesaro for the pin at 7:45.

Rating: C. This was more about advancing the story than the match itself and that worries me. The announcers kept talking about how Cesaro and Sheamus have no chance to win the titles, making me think that’s exactly what’s going to happen. New Day has gone on WAY too long to let this thrown together team beat them for the belts two months before they break a nearly thirty year old record.

Tonight it’s Charlotte/Rusev vs. Reigns/Banks. Am I missing something or did Charlotte dropkick Rusev earlier tonight?

We see Goldberg’s comments on “Sportscenter”, where he said he’d love to face Brock Lesnar again.

Bayley vs. Cami Fields

Cami starts fast with some shoulders in the corner and stomps her way out of a sunset flip attempt. That’s about it though as the Bayley to Belly finishes Fields at 2:19.

Dana Brooke jumps Bayley post match.

Chris Jericho is on the phone with someone and says he wants a pay day. R-Truth comes up and offers him a Payday candy bar. I’ll take it if Jericho doesn’t want it.

Drew Gulak/Tony Nese vs. Sin Cara/Lince Dorado

You knew Cara would be involved in this sometime. Gulak and Dorado start things off but an early headscissors means it’s off to Nese. Dorado gets taken into the wrong corner as the fans are dying by the second. A Gory Special has Dorado in trouble and it’s back to Nese for a chinlock. It’s back to Cara for a moonsault to both villains and a springboard crossbody for two on Gulak. Everything breaks down and Cara suicide dives onto Nese. Dorado hits a shooting star press to pin Gulak at 3:17.

Rating: C+. The best thing they could do here is get them out of the ring quickly. This division isn’t working and there’s really no hiding that anymore. Would it really kill them to let some of these guys talk about something other than being athletes and wanting to prove that they’re the best in the world? Like, giving them some characters etc?

Stephanie McMahon invites herself to join Mick Foley’s Cell address.

Here are the bosses with Stephanie making fun of Foley’s red flannel suit. In what sounds like a Home Shopping Network ad, Foley and Stephanie talk about the Women’s Title match being inside the Cell and confirm it for a second time tonight. But wait: there’s more. In a THIRD Cell match, Seth Rollins will be challenging for Kevin Owens’ Raw World Title as well.

This brings out Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens to say Mick has outdone himself this week. Owens doesn’t want to be in the Cell because he doesn’t want to be an old, broken down man like Foley. Jericho wants to know if he and Kevin can have their own private jet if Mick is just throwing out presents. The recklessness involved in putting Owens in the Cell means FOLEY JUST MADE THE LIST! Foley: “I started the List.” Jericho: “YOU JUST MADE THE LIST AGAIN!”

Stephanie tells Jericho to show Foley respect (MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND ALREADY STEPHANIE!!! TWO WEEKS AGO YOU TREATED FOLEY LIKE A THREE YEAR OLD AND NOW JERICHO NEEDS TO RESPECT HIM???) so she has an idea: if Jericho can beat Rollins tonight, he’s in the title match as a triple threat. Because Raw needs to top Smackdown’s triple threat!

Rollins says Stephanie loves to pull strings and is always five moves ahead. Tonight though, he’s going to ruin those plans by beating Jericho. Rollins wants to know what Owens is thinking though because Jericho might go into business for himself.

Curtis Axel/Bo Dallas vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass

And never mind as Anderson and Gallows jump Enzo and Cass from behind before the match starts. No match.

After a break, Axel and Dallas say they want a tag match.

Curtis Axel/Bo Dallas vs. Sami Zayn/Neville

Bo beats on Sami in the corner to start as we hear about Foley making three Cell matches. Well given that they were all challenges issues by wrestlers, that’s not the most impressive things in the world. Axel takes over on Sami and hits a good looking dropkick. Not that it matters as an exploder suplex sets up the Helluva Kick and the Red Arrow for the easy pin on Axel at 2:28.

Lana comes into Charlotte’s locker room and snipe at each other a bit.

R-Truth vs. Titus O’Neil

Apparently Titus is mad about Truth getting the commercial for Payday earlier tonight. Titus throws Truth around to start as Graves plugs the Titus Brand. Goldust gets on the steps for a distraction and Truth grabs a rollup (with Titus’ feet in the ropes) for the pin at 2:12. That’s the second distraction finish tonight.

TJ Perkins comes in to see Brian Kendrick and talks about how Kendrick deserves another shot at the title. They shake hands but Kendrick goes after him, earning a right hand from the champ.

Braun Strowman vs. Splash Brothers

The Brothers are Steven and Clay. Strowman treats them like you would expect and splashes Steven while Clay is on Braun’s back. A double dropkick puts the Brothers down and it’s a running powerslam for Clay. Steven is reversed chokeslammed onto his brother for the pin at 59 seconds.

Braun still wants better competition. In other words: nothing changed this week and the writers get to stretch it out even more.

Roman Reigns and Sasha talk strategy.

Of all things, we get the Rumble by the Numbers video. Tickets go on sale soon it seems.

Charlotte/Rusev vs. Roman Reigns/Sasha Banks

The genders have to match so we start with multiple tags before any contact. Rusev punches Reigns to start and a clothesline gets two. Reigns starts a comeback as the fans want Sasha. The villains are knocked to the floor and we take a break. Back with Reigns caught in a chinlock and more WE WANT SASHA chants. A Superman Punch allows the tag to Charlotte, meaning it’s off to Sasha to clean house. Wouldn’t it have been smarter to not have Rusev tag so the advantage isn’t lost? The double knees in the corner get two on Charlotte and the Bank Statement makes her tap at 9:48.

Rating: D+. Well that happened and it was nowhere near as amazing as the announcers tried to make it seem. The fans really didn’t seem to care about Rusev vs. Reigns as there’s almost no way Rusev is getting the title back and everyone knows it. There was nothing to the match anyway and the sudden ending didn’t help things.

Tom Phillips asks Jericho and Owens about the possible change to the title match at the pay per view. Jericho: “That’s a stupid idiom.” Jericho says if one of them is champion, both of them are champion. Owens throws Phillips out but since Tom doesn’t get out fast enough, HE MAKES THE LIST, under the name Felipe Thomastein.

We see the Goldberg clip again.

Here’s Paul Heyman to discuss said Goldberg comments but first we get another WWE2K17 video, this time of Lesnar vs. Goldberg. Heyman has heard people whispering about Goldberg returning for years now because they want one more spear and Jackhammer. You still hear the chants today and there they go again.

Everyone that got in the same ring as Goldberg was conquered while he was running parallel to Brock Lesnar. It keeps Heyman up at night that Goldberg is one up on Brock so as of tonight, Goldberg is officially challenged to a fight any place anytime. Goldberg can either live in the past or step in this ring and be conquered. In Suplex City, Goldberg is next.

Emmalina video.

TJ Perkins vs. Ariya Daivari

Non-title with Brian Kendrick on commentary. Daivari has to go to the ropes to get out of an early kneebar and we hit the chinlock on Perkins. A neckbreaker gets two on TJ but he comes right back with one of his own. The slingshot dropkick sets up the kneebar to make Daivari tap at 5:14.

Rating: D+. This might have been my breaking point for the division. These matches aren’t interesting and having random people who happened to be in the tournament job to Perkins isn’t helping things. It’s just a total misfit on this show and nothing they’re doing is making it any better. Either make it interesting or scrap the thing already.

Jericho and Stephanie run into each other with Chris saying he thought about putting her on the list. Stephanie is cool with that though, as long as the Raw triple threat beats Smackdown’s triple threat. Jericho needs to remember that Stephanie can’t help him inside the Cell. Not that Jericho asked about it but Stephanie seems to think everyone needs her help. Owens comes up and asks what that was about but Jericho just says friendship.

Hispanic Heritage Month video on Tito Santana. It’s nice to have it be about a wrestler again.

A Tweet from Goldberg says he’ll be on Raw next week.

Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho

If Jericho wins, the Universal Title match becomes a triple threat. Rollins doesn’t care for having a toothpick thrown in his face so he smacks Jericho around. A Blockbuster gets two for Seth and Jericho bails to the floor, only to get caught by a slingshot dropkick. Cue Owens for a distraction so Jericho can take over and we take a break.

Back with Jericho kicking Rollins off the top and slapping on an abdominal stretch. Rollins sends him face first into the middle turnbuckle and gets two off a Sling Blade (which Jericho called loudly). Seth goes up top and slams Jericho off, only to have his crossbody dropkicked out of the air. The low superkick gets two on Jericho but Owens offers a distraction, allowing Jericho to grab the Walls.

A belt shot from Owens gets the same and Rollins takes him down with a suicide dive. The springboard knee to the head gets two on Jericho but he avoids the frog splash. A Lionsault gives Jericho a near fall of his own but he misses a high crossbody. Jericho reverses the Pedigree into another Walls attempt, only to get small packaged for the pin at 19:14.

Rating: B-. The ending was more of a relief than anything else as I really, really didn’t need to sit through another triple threat title match, especially inside the Cell. Rollins vs. Owens isn’t the most interesting thing in the world but Jericho can go and do something else instead of trying to salvage this upper midcard feud.

Post match Owens and Jericho beat on Seth but Rollins fights back and gives Jericho a Pedigree as Owens bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What is the top story on Raw right now? Is it the Lesnar vs. Goldberg? Jericho/Owens vs. Rollins? One half of Raw vs. Smackdown? Charlotte vs. Sasha? The problem is nothing is standing out right now and it’s hard to care about a bunch of stories that feel like they belong in the upper midcard. I can’t even blame it on Stephanie this week (though her defending Foley had my jaw dropping) because it’s a recurring problem. Owens has had his legs cut off as he’s really just an afterthought at the moment in what feels like multiple feuds.

There’s too much stuff going on near the top and the LONG list of midcard and lower card feuds and stories don’t help things. Tonight you had two cruiserweight matches, that stupid Titus Brand stuff, the random tag feuds and Braun Strowman and I’m probably forgetting some. They need to trim some of this stuff down and stop trying to throw so much bad, unfocused stuff at us at the same time.

Results

Kofi Kingston b. Cesaro – Small package

Bayley b. Cami Fields – Bayley to Belly

Sin Cara/Lince Dorado b. Drew Gulak/Tony Nese – Shooting star press to Nese

Sami Zayn/Neville b. Curtis Axel/Bo Dallas – Red Arrow to Axel

R-Truth b. Titus O’Neil – Rollup

Braun Strowman b. Splash Brothers – Reverse chokeslam to Steven

Sasha Banks/Roman Reigns b. Rusev/Charlotte – Bank Statement to Charlotte

TJ Perkins b. Ariya Daivari – Kneebar

Seth Rollins b. Chris Jericho – Small package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 2002
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Maybe a new month will help things out a little bit. I know I say this every week but it almost can’t get worse than last week with Undertaker very slowly beating Hulk Hogan down because Hogan can barely move at this point in his career. The pay per view really can’t get here soon enough as I can’t imagine they’ll keep the title on Hogan any longer. Let’s get to it.

Oh and as of today: it’s WWE. I’ll put the over/under on mentions of the new name at 5000.

We open with…..gardening? An older woman chops up her bushes to get them into a perfect WWE logo, which she then lights on fire. The new tagline: Get the F Out. I actually like that as it gets straight to the point.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jazz is defending, there are no disqualifications and Steven Richards is in the champ’s corner. The fans want puppies as Jazz sends Trish into the corner to start, only to miss a splash. Richards offers a distraction though and Trish’s rollup goes nowhere. JR says this is for the World Wrestling Entertainment Women’s Title and I think we’re all glad that name didn’t last.

Jazz throws her around with some butterfly suplexes for two, followed by the double chickenwing facebuster to send Lawler into hysterics. A Chick Kick and Stratusfaction has the champ beaten but Richards makes another save by superkicking Trish down to give Jazz the pin.

Rating: D. Was there a point to this that I don’t get? The No DQ stuff could have been forgotten with a simple referee distraction but to be fair I’d probably call that stupid. It might be easier to just have them do a regular match and scrap Richards as a whole but then we couldn’t do the following.

Bubba Ray Dudley with a Bubba Bomb, Raven with the Raven Effect, Justin Credible with a superkick, Crash Holly with a missile dropkick, Bubba with a trashcan shot and Trish stealing the title and a blinded Bubba (fire extinguisher) powerbombing Trish through a table so Richards can steal the pin gives us six Hardcore Title changes in about two minutes because old jokes are funnier when you do them for the third time in less than two months. Bubba takes Trish to the back because that makes up for powerbombing her through a table.

Here’s the NWO for a chat due to reasons of WE’RE TELLING YOU THEY WERE A GOOD IDEA AND YOU CAN JUST DEAL WITH IT! Show lets us see him turning heel and joining the team in a big moment. Two years ago, he was in the main event of Wrestlemania while Austin was hurt. Now it’s 2002 and he spent Wrestlemania in a restaurant pretending to have a good time instead of being on the show. Last month he was in a preliminary match on Heat while Austin had a #1 contenders match. Show is a monster that no one can stop and now the NWO is even bigger.

This brings out Ric Flair to say he wishes he could have Big Show’s natural gifts but he’s a sixteen time World Champion because he didn’t whine and cry. It’s really more about when Flair didn’t cry but we’re not quite to that point yet. Flair tells Show to deal with it and announces the NWO vs. Bradshaw/Austin/Flair, which he already announced last week. Hall promises a history changing announcement for later tonight.

European Title: William Regal vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending and is coming in with a bad ankle due to Regal attacking him over the weekend. He’s ready to fight anyway and jumps on Regal’s back, earning himself a stomp to the foot and a slam onto the ropes. A simple leglock makes Spike tap in about 35 seconds. That would be two title changes in 40 seconds combined for this belt.

Regal beats Spike up even more after the match. D’Lo Brown of all people comes out for the save.

Flair rants to Arn Anderson in a nothing segment.

Booker T. goes to 7-11 for a Slurpee and is annoyed that there’s no Booker T. cup. He runs into Goldust in a Latrell Spreewell jersey with headphones around his neck. Goldust has followed him from his hotel (Booker: “YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME???”) and wants to talk strategy for their match tonight. Booker seems to agree but has to go. Goldust: “If you’ll let me have a drink of your Slurpee, I’ll let you have a bite of my weiner.” Booker responds as you would expect anyone to if he’s offered a bite of a hot dog. Funny stuff as always.

We look at Planet Stasiak costing Brock Lesnar and himself a tag match at Insurrextion over the weekend.

Flair finds an APA hat in the NWO dressing room. Bradshaw doesn’t seem like one to just leave his hat laying around.

Undertaker arrives and assigns someone to watch his bike.

The NWO is standing near the entrance, seemingly waiting on somebody.

Planet Stasiak vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock fires off the shoulders in the corner to start as we get the GOLDBERG chants. The spinebuster looks to finish but Heyman wants an example made. An F5 and a boot on the chest is enough for the easy pin. Another squash.

Hulk Hogan has stolen Undertaker’s motorcycle because Undertaker left the keys in the ignition.

GET THE F OUT! It’s the same thing as earlier as the company is still WWE about an hour later.

Here’s Hogan on the motorcycle to Undertaker’s music. I really could have gone my whole life without seeing Hulk Hogan coming out to Limp Bizkit. Hulk gets right to the point by calling Undertaker out for a fight and threatening his motorcycle to sweeten the pot a bit. Undertaker comes out and tells Hogan not to mess with the bike. Hogan isn’t impressed and swears a bit before turning the bike on. It moves a whole three feet before the engine stalls, leaving Undertaker to…..stand right there and not do a thing.

Hogan finally leaves the bike on the ramp and runs (work with me here) after Undertaker as we cut to the commentators. You can hear the engine revving as Hogan is apparently still out there trying to get the thing to work. Well done by JR and King to not die of laughter here. The chase is FINALLY on with Hogan driving the bike around backstage (had to do it as the pre-tape shows him on the bike backstage). He changes pace a bit by driving around even more, all while shouting for Undertaker.

Hogan eventually parks it in front of a semi truck and gets inside as we go to a break. Back with Hogan crushing the bike. You know, a month and a half ago he used a similar truck to crush an ambulance with Rock inside so this is real progress for him. This was WAY too long and I’m amazed that both guys didn’t just walk off the show when the bike stalled. What a sign indeed.

Rob Van Dam/Jeff Hardy vs. Booker T./Eddie Guerrero

Van Dam and Guerrero hit the mat to start with Rob monkey flipping him down but missing a kick to the face. Instead a faceplant out of an electric chair sends Eddie crawling over to the corner for the tag to Booker. More kicks have Mr. T. in trouble and it’s off to Jeff as things speed up again.

Booker finally gets in a shot on Hardy and it’s time for a face to be in peril. An elbow to the jaw sets up the Spinarooni for two (Lawler: “Dagnabbit.”) but Jeff comes back with a dropkick (totally missed) and the real hot tag brings in Van Dam. Everything breaks down again and Rolling Thunder gets two on Eddie. Cue Goldust for a failed distraction so a Swanton from Jeff and the Five Star from Rob can put Eddie away.

Rating: C+. These guys are becoming the lone bright spots on this show and it’s a bit disappointing to have them all in the same match. At least it was one of the better segments so far this week with a good looking ending. You certainly can’t fault Eddie for losing when he takes back to back finishers so he was even a bit protected in the loss.

Terri has challenged Molly to a swimsuit contest later tonight with a contest between pure and wholesome or what’s under her robe.

Flair and Anderson think Bradshaw has joined the NWO, guaranteeing that he hasn’t.

It’s time for the swimsuit contest and of course Lawler is in charge. Terri comes out and Lawler is praying for a thong. Molly brings a pair of flippers for more proper swimming attire (JR: “The Hilary Clinton of the WWF.”). Molly decides she’s going first and, after putting on her swimming cap, reveals a conservative one piece with a skirt. It looks like a figure skating costume, meaning it looks like what a lot of run of the mill women would wear to a pool every day.

Naturally Lawler and the crowd think it’s horrible and treat Molly like she’s wearing a full body suit with only her ankles showing. Terri reveals exactly what you would expect and wins because fans go for the orange skin with countable ribs look. Molly lays her out with a flipper in the only heelish thing she’s done in the entire segment.

Flair goes to Bradshaw’s locker room (Bradshaw has his own locker room?) and finds Kane’s mask, which X-Pac stole weeks ago.

After a break, Flair runs into Bradshaw and demands an explanation. Bradshaw says he’ll see Flair in the ring.

Undertaker finds his bike. Where in the world has he been for the last half hour? He tries to pull the bike out from under the truck and then stomps on the bike, likely thinking that floating out of the top of a casket after cutting a promo to a camera hanging from the lid wasn’t so bad after all. Undertaker leaves and Kevin Nash arrives for the surprise.

NWO vs. Ric Flair/Bradshaw/Steve Austin

Austin and X-Pac start and it’s a spinebuster each for X-Pac and Hall. Steve cleans house with right hands but can’t get a Stunner on Hall. Instead it’s off to the Big Show for some choking in the corner and a backdrop that sends Austin flying. You don’t see Austin in the air that often. Bradshaw tags himself in for the fall away slam on Hall as JR thinks there’s only one Kane mask in existence. You know, because they’re not sold at the merchandise stands.

Show comes back in and throws Bradshaw around “like a double cheeseburger.” Who throws double cheeseburgers around? I’ve never been to Oklahoma but are things really that different there? The bloody (thanks to some Big Show headbutts) Bradshaw is beaten down by all three NWOites with Show headbutting him into the bad corner. A big boot finally drops X-Pac and it’s Flair coming in with the chops.

Everything breaks down and Bradshaw’s Clotheslines lays out X-Pac but Big Show pulls him outside for a chokeslam through the announcers’ table. Austin finally goes after Show (which is the point of this whole thing) but has to Stun Hall and X-Pac at the same time. Some Big Show chops have Austin in trouble and he falls out to the floor. Austin actually goes aerial again with a middle rope Thesz press to put Show down but the Stunner is easily blocked and we get a ref bump.

A low blow sets up the Stunner but there’s no referee. Of course there isn’t because this hasn’t gone on long enough. Flair hits Austin with a chair to go full heel and destroys the knee to make things even worse. With Austin down, Flair makes himself and Big Show vs. Austin at the pay per view. Ric grabs a Figure Four as the match is a no contest.

Rating: D-. The length here is the big problem as this went on for over fifteen minutes and set up the most obvious ending they could have gone with after eliminating every other possible option. Taking out the fact that Nash was just a decoy and what else could it have been other than Flair turning heel? It makes sense, but it was really tiresome having to sit through the APA hat/Kane mask stuff earlier. Just WAY too long here though and it really dragged things down even further than they were before.

Overall Rating: F+. Raw is now beyond free fall and has hit the ground, exploding on impact. Other than the same four midcard guys having their regularly good matches (less than six minutes this week), I can’t think of a single thing on this show that isn’t either too short, boring, offensive or the pit of torture that is the main event.

Raw has had six shows since the Brand Split. Here are the main event matches/segments which go along with Hogan/HHH as World Champion:

Kane vs. X-Pac/Austin contract signing

Austin vs. Hall

Austin/Bradshaw vs. NWO/Undertaker

Austin/Big Show vs. NWO

Hogan vs. Regal/Undertaker beats Hogan down

Austin/Bradshaw/Flair vs. NWO

Here’s the thing: other than two major pops for Hogan, is there any reason that Austin isn’t in Hogan’s spot? Hogan has a long history with Hall, Nash and Flair while Austin has a long history with HHH and Undertaker. Much more importantly though, Austin may be a shell of his glory days but he’s WAY ahead of Hogan at this point. Hogan’s matches so far have been embarrassing while you could at least pencil in Austin for watchable at worst. Couple that with swapping the NWO out for ANYTHING else and this show is instantly better.

Raw is a disaster right now with two major angles being huge wastes of everyone’s time and it’s turned into one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in a long time. I know people would get sick of the upcoming HHH and Shawn Michaels dominance but it puts this nonsense to shame. At least you could get a decent main event, which we haven’t gotten so far in six weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 26, 2016
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

We’re past Clash of Champions and this is going to be an interesting show. The key here is Raw’s competition as they’re up against Monday Night Football and a Presidential debate that is likely going to break a lot of viewership records. Kevin Owens is still Raw World Champion and Roman Reigns picked up the US Title from Rusev last night it’s time to start looking towards the Cell. Let’s get to it.

One more note: I was in the arena for the show last night so this is my second time seeing this.

There’s no intro as we’re heading straight for the opening match. Translation: PLEASE DON’T CHANGE THE CHANNEL YET! I can completely accept this.

US Title: Roman Reigns vs. Rusev

Rematch from last night with Reigns defending. The fans want Lana as Rusev takes him down with a front facelock. That’s going to keep the people from watching the debate. Reigns is cheered quite strongly as he kips out of a headscissors but gets double legged back to the mat.

Rusev gets one off a suplex and starts in on Reigns’ back. The nine corner clotheslines get Reigns out of trouble but he can’t lift Rusev up for the powerbomb because of the back injury. We take a break and come back with Rusev putting on a bearhug to keep up the simple psychology. A dropkick hits Reigns in the mouth and some gutwrench suplexes get two. Back to the waistlock as the match slows down again.

Reigns fights up with more clotheslines and a big boot but the Superman Punch is countered, sending them both falling out to the floor. We come back from another break with Reigns headbutting him off the top and hitting a middle rope clothesline. Geez man enough with the Lex Luger style offense.

Reigns still can’t powerbomb him so Rusev gets in a spinwheel kick. More headbutts and another kick to the head give Rusev another two. Reigns’ latest comeback is stopped with a superkick and the fans are really getting into this in a way you almost never hear for a Reigns match. The Accolade is broken up but Lana offers a distraction to break up the Superman Punch. The apron kick staggers Rusev (and gets a great reaction from the crowd) and they fight into the crowd for a double countout at 25:38.

Rating: B. The match was another good outing for the two of them and the ending sets up a rematch in the Cell, which is going to receive a divided reception depending on your taste in Cell matches. Maybe it was just the Cincinnati crowd or maybe it’s because he’s in the midcard instead of the main event but Reigns was getting a great reaction here. This is the kind of role he’s made for: an athletic freak who can take a beating and give out one of his own. Good match here.

Post match Rusev gets a chair and hits Reigns over the back. They get inside and Reigns gets in a spear to put Rusev down. Reigns sits in the chair and poses with the belt before hitting Rusev with the chair to even things up.

WWE2K17 ad with Ambrose’s appearance getting a huge pop.

Here’s Mick Foley for a chat about last night’s Cesaro vs. Sheamus match. The thought of the series ending in a draw seemed to be a mathematical impossibility (not really) but that’s what’s happened. Foley brings out Sheamus and Cesaro with Sheamus almost immediately cutting him off to say this was about physical dominance.

Cesaro talks about doctors holding Sheamus back last night and an argument breaks out over who was more dominant. Foley cuts them off to say they’re both right and they’re both getting a championship opportunity…..which they’re getting together as they’re fighting for the Tag Team Titles. Cesaro: “SAY WHAT???” Foley tells them to get over it and just team together because that’s his decision.

I had a very bad feeling that this was where they were going and while it’s not the worst idea in the world (Raw is dying for tag teams at the moment), it feels like the TNA way of getting here: a bunch of matches that did nothing but fill time until we get to the end result. Sheamus and Cesaro had some good matches (even one very good one) but they drove the feud into the ground to the point where I didn’t care how good the matches were since I had absolutely no desire to watch them.

And now, none of that matters because they’re basically saying the whole thing was a tie and we’re just going to do something different. It comes off as lazy booking and a way to fill in time, which is one of the worst things you can do in wrestling. I’m sure they’ll be a decent team but they better not cut New Day’s title reign off this close to the record.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Anderson and Gallows

New Day is defending in a rematch from last night after Xavier Woods used Francesca II. The match starts fast with Kofi having to dodge a diving Anderson. It’s off to Big E. for the Unicorn Stampede with Woods blowing the trombone in time with the stomps. Gallows, apparently not a music fan, pulls Big E. out to the floor and superkicks him in the face.

Anderson adds a running kick to the face for two and the champs are in quick trouble. Gallows gets in a chokeslam and we take a break. Anderson’s powerbomb gets two and we hear about Demolition’s title reign being in reach. A kick to the head finally allows the hot tag to Big E. for the suplexes. Big E. misses a charge into the post though and a running boot to the face gets two.

That’s enough of being on defense for Big E. so he spears Anderson through the ropes, setting up the Midnight Hour for two with Gallows making the save. Kofi is sent shoulder first into the steps and the Magic Killer gets a very close two on Big E. They had me on that near fall. A VERY bloody Kofi comes back in and hits Trouble in Paradise to pin Anderson and retain the titles at 11:03.

Rating: C+. They’re doing really well at making me buy into the title changes here and that’s hard to do when it comes to a regular TV title defense. Anderson and Gallows are done as challengers now and I’m really not sure where they go from here. Sheamus and Cesaro are fine for placeholder challengers but New Day really should break the record when they’re this close. It would be a waste of time not to.

We look at Kevin Owens injuring Seth Rollins’ ribs in their match at Clash of Champions. Stephanie McMahon sent a second referee down for the count, seconds after Rollins would have had the title won. After the show ended, HHH arrived and asked Stephanie how it went (“Great.”).

Sheamus and Cesaro (back in his suit) are bickering when Foley comes in. Mick starts yelling about how much potential these two have together because they could shake up the tag division. He’ll even give them a chance tonight in a tag match. Foley showed a lot of fire here, as is his custom. Remember that.

Bayley vs. Anna Fields

Fields chokes her on the ropes to start and we hit an early chinlock. Bayley comes back with her elbows and clotheslines, setting up a quick Bayley to Belly for the pin at 2:04.

Post match Bayley says she’s not done with Sasha and Charlotte after that triple threat because she wants to hug that Women’s Title.

And now, the bad part of the show. Foley goes in to see Stephanie and asks about the referee issue in last night’s main event and telling HHH it was great. Stephanie ERUPTS on Foley, talking about how it should have been his responsibility to get a new referee out there. Instead, he was probably with Sheamus and Cesaro because he thinks with his heart instead of his head. She hired him because of his mind as a businessman (Huh?) and wants him to be more like her. Instead of showing the fire he had earlier, Foley just stands there and takes this because she’s Stephanie.

This is every problem with Stephanie rolled into one promo. Not only is it part of a story that is taking WAY too long to go anywhere (I’d be shocked if we get any real resolution before the Royal Rumble) but this is Mick Foley, a three time WWE World Champion and a WWE Hall of Famer. He’s one of the best talkers with some of the best fire of all time but he’s standing here cowering in front of Stephanie because that’s what happens to people around her.

Brock Lesnar, Charlotte, Sting, Roman Reigns and now Mick Foley all have nothing to say back to her because she’s Stephanie and the most intimidating presence of all time. Oh except for when she’s fun Stephanie who dances with kids and is just a regular soccer mom. This has been going on for years now (keep in mind that Stephanie debuted SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO and first became an authority figure in 2000) and if we’re lucky she gets one bit of comeuppance a year. Other than that it’s all Stephanie browbeating everyone else and if you don’t like it, deal with it because she’s Stephanie.

Rich Swann/Cedric Alexander vs. Drew Gulak/Lince Dorado

Swann and Alexander get an inset promo talking about how they’re here to have fun but they’re not underestimating their opponents. This didn’t air in the arena and it would have helped quite a bit. Gulak and Dorado get their Cruiserweight Classic videos and again they’re better than nothing. We get the big handshake to start for a compliment to the purple ropes, which take forever to set up and take down.

Dorado and Swann trade headscissors to start and nip into a stalemate. Everything breaks down and Dorado moonsaults onto all three as we take an early break. Back with Drew holding Swann in a chinlock before it’s back to Dorado for some chops. The hot tag bring in Alexander for some forearms and a running kick to Gulak’s head. A Lumbar Check sends Dorado to the floor and Swann sunset flips Gulak for the pin at 8:25.

Rating: C. This was the big popcorn break match of the night and it’s still not hard to see why. Again, the wrestling is fine but the whole division is being wedged into a show that is already bloated. Swann and Alexander have some personality but Dorado and Gulak are just warm bodies in the eyes of the fans. It’s better than last week but they still need some adjustments to make people care.

Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Nick Cutler/Willis Williams

Cesaro takes Cutler over with a one armed delayed vertical suplex but Sheamus drops to the floor instead of tagging in. For some reason he gets on the apron with his back to the ring so Cesaro can tag him in with a slap. The ten forearms make it even worse for Cutler and it’s off to Williams, who is taken down with a hard clothesline. The jobbers actually start working on Cesaro’s arm for a few seconds before Sheamus Brogue Kicks both guys. Cesaro pins the unconscious Williams at 3:33.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what it needed to be, though it’s still forced and something that should have come months ago without the long feud in the first place. We haven’t had a wacky partnership that went somewhere important since Kane and Daniel Bryan so this is as good as anything else they have.

Video on TJ Perkins.

TJ talks about wanting to be here for eighteen years but here’s Brian Kendrick to interrupt. Kendrick says it’s his title to win because Perkins owes him for his career. A brawl is teased and they’ll fight at some point in the future.

Here are Charlotte and Dana Brooke for a chat. Charlotte says last night was another chance for everyone to be disappointed because that’s what she does time after time. She’s not the huggable Bayley or the internet darling Sasha Banks. Cue Sasha to say that’s her title because Charlotte didn’t beat her last night. Sasha is owed a one on one match and she wants it right now. Charlotte tells the YESing fans to be quiet so she can tell Sasha that she’ll get her rematch….next week. Sasha cleans house and the villains leave.

Rollins is on his way to the ring to interrupt the upcoming Highlight Reel but Foley cuts him off because Seth isn’t medically cleared. All Rollins can hear are Stephanie’s words coming out of Mick’s mouth.

TJ Perkins vs. Tony Nese

Non-title with both guys being TNA castoffs because they’re dumb that way. The much stronger Nese throws Perkins around to start and he cartwheels out of TJ’s ankle scissors to show off. An early kneebar attempt doesn’t work for TJ as Nese sends him outside for a superkick and a big dive to take us to a break. Back with Perkins grabbing a Black Widow but getting planted with a reverse gutwrench suplex.

The fans chant for Harambe (the gorilla who was shot at the Cincinnati Zoo, which was a recurring trend all night long) and CM Punk as TJ fights back with uppercuts and a jumping neckbreaker out of the corner. A gutbuster looks to set up a tornado DDT but Perkins is draped over the top rope instead. TJ is right back up with the fireman’s carry into an enziguri (Fans: “RANDY SAVAGE!”) and the kneebar makes Nese tap at 8:50.

Rating: C+. I know the fans don’t care but this was entertaining stuff, partially because we have a reason to care about Perkins. Something as simple as being the champion tells us more about him than we know about anyone else and the announcers did a good job of building Nese up as the perfect athlete who could take down the champ. Good little match here, though the fans really didn’t care.

Hispanic Heritage Month video on Pedro Morales.

Sasha vs. Charlotte and Perkins vs. Kendrick for the respective titles next week.

Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson are going to be in Los Angeles next week to take care of Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel. Jericho tells us to be quiet about a dozen times because this is the most anticipated Highlight Reel in WWE history. Before Owens comes out here though, Jericho has a bone to pick with Masterson and Kutchner, who have the nerve to claim that they’re better friends. Jericho: “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!” That’s so unthinkable that they’re both about to make the List of Jericho.

It’s almost time for Owens to come out but Jericho yells at the cameraman for shooting him from the wrong side, which means HE MADE THE LIST! Rollins is on there too because he got hurt again last night. Owens comes out and praises the Jeritron 5000 but says he’s not about to wear a suit for a place like Cincinnati, Ohio. What kind of town can this be when it created Dean Ambrose? Jericho: “HE STILL OWES ME $17,000!”

Owens moves on to Rollins and says the rib injury is karma after all the people Seth injured over the last year and a half. Cue Rollins but security and Foley pull him back. Instead here are Enzo Amore and Big Cass to interrupt and ask Jericho how they’re doing. Jericho says they’re just fine but Enzo and Cass ARE ON THE LIST.

After Owens corrects Jericho’s spelling, Cass accuses Jericho of being Santa Claus. Jericho: “Maybe I am Santa Claus! Maybe I’ll come down there and sit on your lap!” Cass points out that people sit on Santa’s lap but Jericho said he was going to punch Cass in the face. A fan poll makes Jericho even angrier but as it turns out, Foley just made a match between these four.

Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Chris Jericho/Kevin Owens

Jericho and Enzo start us off but first we need to pause for the scarf removal. An armdrag has Jericho so frustrated that he crawls over for a hug from Owens. Kevin comes in and gets dropped by Cass so it’s time to launch another human being over the top rope as a projectile. Sidewalk slams have the Canadians in trouble but Jericho sidesteps a charge to send Cass outside as we take a break.

Back with Enzo pounding on Jericho in the corner and getting two off a high crossbody. Owens offers a quick distraction though and it’s time for the villains to take over. Thankfully that means Owens doing Enzo’s dance across the apron because he knows how to mock a crowd. Jericho and Owens take turns beating on Enzo with Owens handling the trash talking (“THAT’S THE LEAD SINGER OF FOZZY!”).

Enzo blocks a superplex but dives into a dropkick, setting up Owens’ backsplash for two. Owens to the referee: “I’m the Universal Champion!” Referee: “It was two!” Owens: “But he shouldn’t even be out of NXT yet!” Enzo finally gets in a right hand to make the tag off to Cass for the house cleaning. For some reason Jericho decides to slap Cass, earning himself a boot to the face. The two of them head outside and it’s Enzo hitting his middle rope DDT for two on Owens. The powerbomb puts Amore away at 16:37.

Rating: C. Owens’ trash talking aside, this was just your standard main event tag. Enzo and Cass are fine for this role and it’s already more entertaining than seeing them talk about buying a timeshare in Puerto Rico. They’re still making sure to protect Cass and it’s way too early to even think about a split so this is about as good as it’s going to get for them at the moment.

The show wraps up just after the match ends. Post show, Owens and Jericho kept beating on Enzo until Sami Zayn came out for the save. Posing ensued to close out the night.

Overall Rating: D+. This show suffered had the same problem as so many others: burnout. The first half hour was a good, hard hitting match, followed by an entertaining Tag Team Title match. Then it was Stephanie treating Foley like a dog who tracked mud into her house and a cruiserweight tag match that didn’t need to be on the show.

The main event was a nice pick up but they really need something to fire the crowd up in the middle. Maybe a Sami Zayn match instead of putting him on Superstars? At the end of the day, three hours is too much on TV and it’s even worse when you’re watching it live. The show has good stuff on it but that good stuff is dragged down by so many other things, the biggest of which is just time itself. It wasn’t a horrible show but you could tell when the debate came on because the show just gave up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 29, 2002
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The question at this point is how bad can things get. The wrestling has been horrible but the stories have been some of the worst of all time with uninspired main eventers who look like they’re about to collapse from old age. Maybe things can start to pick up soon because it can’t get much worse. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Tonight: Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal. That’s one of those matches you never expect to see as Hogan almost never worked against anyone other than a main eventer.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Jeff Hardy

Eddie is defending and we hear about Lita breaking her neck in three places on the set of Dark Angel, which would keep her out of the ring for over a year. They start fast with Jeff grabbing an armdrag and his swinging sleeper drop for two. A quick trip to the floor lets the champ get his head together and it’s time to chop away in the corner. Eddie’s belly to back suplex looks to set up the slingshot hilo but Jeff is too annoyed at losing his bandana and rolls away.

Jeff scores with a superplex and starts hammering away in the corner. It’s too early for the Swanton though and Jeff gets crotched. JR: “That can’t feel good unless you’re wearing a couple of cups.” I think he means it makes it hurt less but JR often gets lost in his own talking. The Whisper in the Wind takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Eddie to get in a belt shot. The Frog Splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but you could see that Jeff’s head wasn’t in it at this point. He was just doing his normal stuff and going through the motions while Eddie was doing whatever he could to keep the match together. The early days of his singles run weren’t great but when Jeff’s head was on straight, you can’t deny that the talent was there.

Recap of Austin vs. Flair and Big Show joining the NWO.

Austin arrives and asks where that lying no good SOB is. Production worker: “Mr. McMahon isn’t here tonight.” Austin: “I don’t mean that one!”

Here’s Austin in the ring to call out Flair. Austin starts drinking immediately and says he has a story for us. After some Beverly Hillbillies discussion to start the WHAT chants, Austin goes through the same stuff we just saw a video on a few minutes earlier. The WHAT chants keep going until Austin says he wants Big Show but calls Flair out right now.

Flair comes to the stage and says he had nothing to do with what happened last week (which gets a mini recap because we need to fill in time). Ric apologizes and says Big Show is in India tonight so we’ll get Austin/Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall/X-Pac with Flair as guest referee. The fans get where this is going immediately and seem interested, which is understandable as the promo was good but this is still leading to Austin/Bradshaw vs. the NWO. Austin promises violence if Flair tries anything.

That’s where this whole story falls apart: for reasons that aren’t clear, Austin is teaming up with Bradshaw to fight a bunch of washed up guys who are basically only there because WWE doesn’t want to admit that they were stupid hires. Of all the people on the roster, they picked Austin to fill this role? The company is DYING for star power right now and they’re using the biggest star of all time in this role? Is it any wonder why Austin was miserable around this time? It doesn’t fit and I don’t think anyone bought it in any form.

Booker T. is getting ready for his match when Goldust comes in. They won’t be teaming together tonight and Goldust feels like the loneliest person since Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Goldust puts the blonde wig on Booker for luck. Booker: “If Big Bird and Spider-Man ever got busy, you would be the illegitimate lesbian.” I have no idea what that means but the delivery was more than funny enough to make it work.

Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam

Booker starts with some chops to the chest but gets kicked down for two. A quick powerbomb puts Rob in more trouble and it’s off to a chinlock. Van Dam fights up and hits Rolling Thunder but here’s Goldust to watch. Goldust gets on the apron for no reason other than to get us to the finish, meaning a collision with Booker. The Five Star gives Rob the easy pin.

Rating: C. This was as good as you would expect Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam to be in about three minutes. See, that’s the thing: maybe they should let these two perfectly talented wrestlers go like, seven or eight minutes? Have we gotten a reason that can’t happen yet? Or maybe let one of them fight with/against Austin to make the main event a bit more interesting? Nah, let’s let them do three minute matches which do nothing for anyone.

Bradshaw says Big Show attacked him last week. Well duh.

Jazz is doing push-ups when Molly Holly comes up to ask if she’s crazy. Apparently Jazz is challenging Bubba Ray Dudley for the Hardcore Title. Jazz just walks away.

Planet Stasiak is ready for Brock Lesnar. His axis is a bit out of whack and Brock has a tattoo on his back but it pales in comparison to Planet Stasiak.

Brock Lesnar vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak goes right after him to start and is promptly splattered with a spinebuster. Brock posts him a few times and an overhead belly to belly makes it even worse. The F5 and helicopter bomb put Shawn away in a hurry.

Flair asks Debra to put in the good word with Austin, earning himself a slap. I forgot how worthless Debra was around this time.

Undertaker interrupts Sgt. Slaughter’s phone call and wants him to deliver a message to Hulk Hogan: a call out is imminent. Didn’t we just do this SAME EXACT THING about forty five minutes ago?

NWO vs. Steve Austin/Bradshaw

Flair is guest referee. Bradshaw gets chopped in the corner to start so he comes right back with chops of his own. It’s off to Austin vs. Hall for the WHAT stomps and a clothesline for two. A hard whip sends X-Pac into the corner and it’s back to Bradshaw as this match is already dying just a few minutes in. X-Pac dropkicks the knee out and it’s time to start in on the leg.

Something like a powerbomb makes Bradshaw remember to sell the knee as the announcers debate how hard it is to be a referee. Austin gets the hot tag and the pop is so weak that I don’t even notice him coming in. That was STEVE AUSTIN getting such a weak pop. Everything breaks down and there’s the Stunner to X-Pac for the pin. X-Pac’s foot was on the ropes and Flair missed it again.

Rating: D-. This was sad. Like, actually sad. Somehow this feud has made the fans uninterested in seeing Steve Austin come into a match and clean house. If there is a single reason to have Austin wasted in this feud and not facing, I don’t know, HULK HOGAN FOR THE TITLE IN AN ACTUAL DREAM MATCH, I’ve yet to hear it. Yeah I know about both of them wanting to protect their legacies but either could be bought for a big enough check.

The NWO complains to Flair, who didn’t see the foot on the ropes again.

Here’s Undertaker to call Hogan out. He remembers Hogan’s first run (Wasn’t that the one with Showdown At Shea?) and the fans cheering for him over and over. None of that matters though because he beat Hogan back in the day. Now, if you listen to Hogan on the Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD, that’s the biggest sin in wrestling. You know, because you’re supposed to think Hogan won or something.

Undertaker takes credit for Hogan leaving the first time because Hogan was scared. Now he’s so scared that Undertaker will beat him again and it’s probably going to cost him the title to Chris Jericho on Smackdown. The crowd is just dying for this stuff and it’s getting worse with every word. Hogan comes out and doesn’t say anything as Undertaker keeps talking. Probably as bored as all of us are, Hogan punches Undertaker out to the floor to end this.

Hardcore Title: Jazz vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Bubba is defending and, in case you actually need this made clear, only his title is on the line. Before the match, Bubba basically says “yeah I’ll beat her up because that’s what I do to women.” Jazz is the heel in this if that wasn’t clear. Bubba puts her on the top rope and blows her a kiss. Then it’s time for dancing together, followed by Bubba dancing alone.

Jazz gets caught up in the fake test of strength so she kicks him low. Some weapon shots to the head have Bubba in trouble so he bites her below the belt. Bubba puts a trashcan over her head and does the Flip Flop and Fly, complete with the crotch thrusts. It’s table time but here’s Steven Richards with a guitar to knock Bubba out and steal the title.

Rating: F. So to recap: we had a bunch of dancing, a low blow, more dancing and then Steven Richards. So now we’re supposed to be all impressed with Jazz because we don’t need to actually give her a personality when we can have her kick men low. This was one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a long time (or maybe since two segments ago) and you have to imagine these things are going to keep happening over and over.

Richards and Jazz run off together. JR can’t believe this could happen because he doesn’t remember it happening five times this month alone. After a break, Jazz and Richards escape in a car.

Regal is watching Hulk Hogan Rock N Wrestling (I knew I liked him) and is surrounded by a bunch of Hogan merchandise. He really doesn’t understand this because it makes everyone look like a pillock. People should be praising him because he’s someone with class. He’s someone who speaks the Queen’s English. He’s someone who doesn’t end every sentence with the word BROTHER. “Gets on my bloody nerves.” Regal promises to use the power of the punch tonight.

Bradshaw and Austin are drinking beer when Flair comes in. The Texans still aren’t convinced Flair is honest so next week it’s the NWO vs. the three of them. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO KEEP GOING???

European Title: Goldust vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending. Goldust beats the champ into the corner to start and loads up Shattered Dreams. It’s fairly clear that he’s waiting around on something but nothing happens, so instead it’s time for more right hands. Another attempt at Shattered Dreams brings out Booker T. to attack, allowing the Dudley Dog to retain the title. Again: let this match go five minutes and maybe we can cut off some of the horrible stuff earlier in the show.

Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal

Non-title. Actually hang on because Regal would like to offer Hogan some tea. Hogan has a sip and spits it into Regal’s face to start the beating. Cue Undertaker as the match is thrown out before it starts.

Undertaker very slowly beats on Hogan who just lays around. Hogan is busted open as this just keeps going because Hogan couldn’t beat Regal up for a few minutes to cut down on some of this time. A chokeslam finally wraps this up to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Bring HHH back…..please. He might be a longer winded talker than most of the people here but at least you might be able to get an entertaining match out of him every now and then. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Austin is stuck in this AWFUL NWO story with freaking Bradshaw of all people because they need someone to put in there. I guess Booker T., Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, Rob Van Dam, Bubba Ray Dudley, Spike Dudley and William Regal are busy.

The first hour was much better with one of the longest matches on the show (less than seven minutes) between Hardy and Guerrero and Booker vs. Van Dam for all of three minutes but the focus shifted to the veterans and their stories to cripple the show for good. There are watchable elements on the show but they’re completely bogged down by the old guys who won’t go away. In other words, it’s Nitro.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 3, 2016
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

We’ve got a packed show tonight with two big matches. First up Cruiserweight Champion TJ Perkins has the first title defense on Raw as he puts the title on the line against Brian Kendrick in a Clash of Champions rematch. In the bigger title match, we have Sasha Banks challenging Charlotte for the Raw Women’s Title in her first one on one rematch. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Roman Reigns to open the show and MY GOODNESS they’re booing him out of the building. WWE is asking for this one as Reigns just isn’t the kind of person who can go out there and talk full time. He goes into the guy line but here’s Lana to interrupt. Fans: “THANK YOU LANA!” With the accent slipping, Lana rips into Reigns for everything he’s done in recent weeks but Reigns just tells her to bring her husband out here if he wants that rematch.

Rusev comes out and the brawl is on again with the Bulgarian getting the better of it and knocking Reigns into the crowd. Rusev takes the belt and starts to walk up the ramp but Reigns sneaks up from behind him with a Superman Punch. Reigns grabs the mic and says they can have the rematch but it’s going to be inside the Cell.

We recap Brian Kendrick vs. TJ Perkins, which is over Kendrick thinking he deserves the title more than TJ. Perkins had talked about being homeless while pursuing his dream (Sidebar: allegedly this got Perkins heat because other wrestlers have done the same thing. Uh, are any of them Cruiserweight Champion and wrestling on Raw? No? Then shut up with your jealous complaining.) but Kendrick has worked harder and longer. Perkins beat him at Clash of Champions and tonight is a rematch because….well because no one knows anyone other than these two.

TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick

Non-title (Wasn’t this announced as a title match last week?) and both guys are basically the hometown boys. A dropkick puts Kendrick on the floor to start and a slingshot dropkick makes it even worse. Back in and Brian boots him in the face before putting Perkins hand inside the clamp that attaches the turnbuckle to the post.

We take a break and come back with TJ hitting his double chicken wing into the gutbuster but the kneebar sends Kendrick to the ropes. A quick Sliced Bread #2 gets two on TJ and there’s the Captain’s Hook but Perkins rolls Kendrick up for two. The slingshot dropkick looks to set up the fireman’s carry enziguri, only to have Kendrick rake the eyes. Another Captain’s Hook gives Kendrick the title at 9:00.

Rating: C. Well ok. Perkins wins the whole tournament and is basically unbeatable but a single rake to the eyes is enough to beat him in less than ten minutes? The best thing here though is having a clear heel and a clear face so we can actually have a story. At the end of the day though, this is likely setting up a third match at the pay per view, despite neither match really warranting a third one.

Earlier today, Seth Rollins sat down with Michael Cole to say he’s been medically cleared. Rollins talks about gaining enemies due to being HHH’s friend. He and Kevin Owens are both hard workers but HHH handed Owens the title. No one handed the title to Rollins at Wrestlemania XXXI (which we’re still talking about) and Owens is going to be another piece in HHH’s big plans. Rollins is going to get the title back no matter what Owens or Chris Jericho have to say about it.

Braun Strowman vs. Chase Silver

Before the match, Silver says he’s in Hollywood because dreams come true here. Strowman runs him over and shouts that this is the best WWE can offer. A running shoulder sends Silver flying into the corner and the powerslam (Cole: “Hi ho Silver, away) is enough for the pin at 1:45.

Post match Strowman says WWE is wasting his talents on these weak fools week in and weak out. If he doesn’t get better competition next week, there might not be a next week. Good, as they need to advance this story and character at some point.

Bayley comes up to Sasha Banks and congratulates her for being in the main event of Raw. Sasha knows Charlotte is great but she’s destined to be champion.

Here are Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho to respond to Rollins’ comments earlier. Owens asks Jericho what he’s done to deserve a rematch because the truth is that Seth lost at Clash of Champions. Rollins has been complaining about the referee but he’s only got himself to blame.

After laughing at the fans for chanting STUPID IDIOTS (because it makes them stupid idiots), Owens suggests that Jericho should be the guest referee. Jericho suggests that he get a title shot of his own but of course he means the two of them getting the Raw Tag Team Titles. Owens isn’t sure about it because that’s a bit too much work for him so Jericho suggests a Universal Title shot. Owens: “Yeah! Let’s do it! Let’s go after New Day!”

Cue New Day to say they’re the best friends in WWE. That earns them a spot on Jericho’s list but Big E. cuts him off to say they’ll have to have a champion’s huddle. This excludes Jericho so BIG E. MAKES THE LIST. Woods laughs and you know where that lands him. Owens yells at New Day for feeding kids questionable cereal and says they jumped the shark about seven months ago. Woods: “Look at yourself. When is the last time you jumped over anything?” Owens: “PUT WOODS ON THE LIST AGAIN!” A match seems to be made for later.

Sheamus and Cesaro arrived earlier and threw each other’s bags out of the car.

Sami Zayn vs. Titus O’Neil

Titus says this is the debut of the Titus Brand. Some forearms to the back have Sami in trouble and a bearhug makes it even worse. Sami comes right back with a clothesline, the exploder suplex in the corner and the Helluva Kick for the pin at 2:48.

Sheamus and Cesaro argue over whose fault it was that they were late. Mick Foley comes in and says they’re doing this to become as amazing of a team as they can. The arguing continues.

Anderson and Gallows vs. Golden Truth

Oh yeah Golden Truth is still a thing. Earlier today, Anderson and Gallows blamed New Day for ruining the tag team division. Truth and Anderson start things off and it’s time for dancing and gyrating. Goldust comes in for a neckbreaker but it’s quickly off to Gallows with a boot to the face and a chinlock. Back up and the hot tag brings in Truth for the house cleaning, including an ax kick to Anderson. Everything breaks down and the Magic Killer puts Truth away at 3:22.

Rating: D. If this was supposed to start building Anderson and Gallows back up, it might have been a good idea to not have them get beaten up for so much of the match. Having Golden Truth out there as jobbers is fine but it’s still not exactly thrilling stuff outside of the top of the division. Of course by division I mean the three or four teams running around at the moment.

Jericho and Owens are on the way to the ring when they run into Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson. The List is discussed with Masterson reading off a few items: people who don’t appreciate a good scarf and superstars who lose to Fandango at Wrestlemania. Owens goes off to get ready and the celebrities say they’ll be at ringside for the match against New Day. Jericho threatens to give them……..hang on as he goes off camera to the left and comes back in on the other side to say they’ll get IT.

Jericho is the perfect example of why natural charisma is so much more important than writing. The stuff he’s doing is so stupid but he knows how to time things so well that there’s almost nothing he can’t get over. If any rookie came up with this same material, odds are they would be fired. Jericho has such natural presence though that it works like little else on the show. You can’t teach that and it’s one of the most important things in wrestling.

Enzo Amore and Big Cass are in the ring with three breast cancer survivors for the annual Susan G. Komen segment. The three women are given replica WWE Title belts.

Chris Jericho/Kevin Owens vs. New Day

Non-title. Masterson and Kutcher are on commentary as Owens runs Woods over to start. Owens makes sure to jump over Xavier in the kind of funny bit that most people just don’t think to do. Woods gets taken into the corner for the double teaming as Kutcher talks about their new show. It’s off to Big E. to face Owens for some hip swiveling.

Graves says Saxton would be the Fez (character on That 70s Show, on which Masterson and Kutcher starred) of the commentary table, which sounds like a good insult, assuming you find dating Mila Kunis’ character to be a bad thing. Big E. gets beaten down even more as the announcers discuss middle names and scarves.

Back from a break with Owens and Big E. colliding off a double clothesline. Woods comes in and gets chinlocked before it’s back to Jericho for a running clothesline in the corner. A superplex is broken up and Woods gets two off a high crossbody. Owens breaks up a hot tag attempt and gets two off a DDT.

Cue Seth Rollins to the stage for a distraction though and Woods gets in an enziguri. The hot tag brings in Big E. to clean house (and swivel the hips of course) but Owens superkicks him down. Big E. and Owens go to the floor and Jericho gets the Liontamer on Woods, only to have Rollins offer a distraction. A quick Midnight Hour puts Jericho away at 16:25.

Rating: C-. This was much longer than it needed to be and served little more purpose than to have Kutcher and Masterson there to plug their new show. It’s a really bad sign that this is what the World Champion is being used for: a second hour tag match with little to gain other than helping set up a Netflix show. Well done WWE. It’s good to see what you think of what should be your flagship star. Masterson and Kutcher were both fine and seemed to be having a lot of fun, which is much better than you’re going to get out of most guest stars.

Rollins gives Jericho a Pedigree to really get under Owens’ skin.

We look back at the opening sequence.

Charlotte says she’s the only reasons Sasha is in the main event and she’ll rise to the occasion as she always does.

Video on Rich Swann.

Stephanie McMahon comes up to yell at Rollins because he’s just as replaceable as anyone else. Rollins says getting rid of him was the second worst decision HHH has ever made. The worst: marrying Stephanie. Seth promises to burn Raw to the ground and take Owens and Jericho with him.

Rich Swann vs. Tony Nese

Nese says Swann has a dance with the best athlete in the division. Swann tries to dance early on but gets taken down with hard forearms. A bodyscissors and chinlock don’t get Nese very far as Rich pops up with some dropkicks. That’s about it for Swann though as Nese stun guns him into a sitout pumphandle powerslam for the pin at 4:13.

Rating: C-. Yeah fine. I’m assuming they’re building Nese up as the next challenger (for Perkins, whose match earlier apparently wasn’t for the title, which WWE didn’t exactly go out of their way to make clear last week) which is better than nothing. This division still has a long way to go though and this didn’t do it many favors.

Mil Mascaras video as WWE is celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month for the second month in a row.

We see a bunch of pictures of Emma in swimsuits. Coming soon: the transformation of Emma into Emmalina. I’ve heard of worse.

Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Raul White/Mark Carradine

White and Cesaro start things off with Raul being sent into the corner for alternating shots to the ribs from both guys. White’s partner comes in and walks into an Irish Curse. Sheamus loads up the Cloverleaf but Cesaro jumps over him for a DDT onto White. The Brogue Kick is good for the pin on at 1:55.

Long recap of Charlotte vs. Sasha, going all the way back to the BFF’s days in NXT. They’ve both been fighting to prove themselves as the best in the world and have traded the title over the last few months.

Charlotte and Dana Brooke are on the way to the ring when they run into Bayley. Charlotte laughs at Bayley for thinking she could be in this place someday but says she has to leave so she can go main event the show. Dana laughs at Bayley too.

Raw Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and we get Big Match Intros. Sasha kicks her outside and hits a suicide dive, setting up a break less than thirty seconds in. Back with Charlotte in control and working on the back with a backbreaker (makes sense) and a hard shove into the corner. Sasha blocks the big boot and gets two off the double knees. The champ is sent outside but is still able to drop Sasha’s back onto the apron.

Sasha tries to go up top but gets knocked onto the ropes for a nasty crash. Charlotte’s superplex is shoved off and double knees from the top get two. It’s too early for the Bank Statement though so Charlotte sends her outside, setting up a CORKSCREW MOONSAULT TO THE FLOOR! I mean it made almost no contact but it looked awesome. Natural Selection gets two back inside and Charlotte is frustrated. A headscissors sets up the Bank Statement and Charlotte taps in a hurry to give Sasha the title at 14:17.

Rating: B. Good match but they felt out of sync at the end. That missed moonsault didn’t help things and the ending felt like it was out of nowhere. Sasha winning makes the most sense and, dare I say, sets up a rematch inside the Cell? They’ll have a rematch one way or another and it needs a little something more than just a regular match.

A long celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. There wasn’t anything horrible about the show (meaning Stephanie was only in one segment) but I barely remember most of this show. It’s like the main event started and I couldn’t think of anything that happened in the previous two hours and forty five minutes. The show was just there for the most part as they’ve actually got time to set up the next pay per view for a change. Not a bad show but really just there, which is often worse.

Results

Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins – Captain’s Hook

Braun Strowman b. Chase Silver – Powerslam

Sami Zayn b. Titus O’Neil – Helluva Kick

Anderson and Gallows b. Golden Truth – Magic Killer to R-Truth

New Day b. Kevin Owens/Chris Jericho – Midnight Hour to Jericho

Tony Nese b. Rich Swann – Sitout pumphandle powerslam

Cesaro/Sheamus b. Raul White/Mark Carradine – Brogue Kick to Carradine

Sasha Banks b. Charlotte – Bank Statement

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 22, 2002
Location: Savvis Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Backlash and due to reasons of pure nostalgia, Hulk Hogan is the Undisputed WWF World Champion. That means he’s gearing up for a title defense against Undertaker at the next pay per view, which leaves Steve Austin to feud with Ric Flair because Austin feuds with authority figures. Let’s get to it.

Recap of Hogan winning the title.

Opening sequence.

Matt Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar

Fallout from last week with Paul Heyman stealing Lita’s underwear. Matt is smart enough to run through the crowd to go after Brock but gets pulled into an early spinebuster. The backbreakers have Matt’s bad ribs in even more trouble and it’s off to a bearhug like a rag doll. Lesnar misses a charge into the post though and a Ricochet has Brock in some trouble. A guillotine legdrop looks to set up the Twist of Fate but Matt gets muscled into the F5. The helicopter bomb finishes Matt for good. Well good for Brock, bad for Matt.

Rating: D. There’s not much you can say about a squash but at least Brock is smashing people like he’s supposed to do. I can see one more match against the Hardys with Brock going over to really make the point clear but then it’s time for him to move on to something else. Brock is a real monster though and probably the best newcomer in a very long time.

The production guys won’t talk to Flair because production guys care about in ring results. Undertaker comes up to thank Ric and says he did the right thing.

Here’s Undertaker in the ring for the first big chat of the week. Undertaker compliments Flair on a job well done but make no mistake about it: the referee didn’t matter last night. He’s all over this Hogan nostalgia run and knows that at Judgment Day, he’ll be judge, jury and executioner (Hogan used that line a lot back in the Saturday Night’s Main Event days, saying that same thing at least three times on that same series.). We cut to HHH in the back despite him being exclusive to Smackdown. Naturally his music is tuned up and the fight is on with HHH tackling him down and taking the fight over the announcers’ table.

A bunch of monitor shots to the head have Undertaker rocked until the dreaded referees come out for the save. Undertaker gets up and tries to leave but HHH punches the referees down and goes after Undertaker again. They fight to the back with HHH getting his sledgehammer out of his car (Presumably his car at least. Either that or he should be arrested.) but security comes up to handcuff him. This went on too long and basically only existed to make HHH look awesome. In other words, it’s something you’ll get used to. However, having it come after a match actually helped a lot. Do that instead.

Flair meets William Regal at catering. Regal approves of last night’s refereeing job but Flair keeps proclaiming his innocence.

And now, Booker T. and Goldust review the Scorpion King. Goldust brings up Fellini but Booker says just roll the footage. Booker gives it two thumbs up but thinks he would be better as the star because Rock can’t act (to be fair, he was fairly horrible in that movie). We get another clip with Booker in the same role (in wrestling gear). Booker: “Not only am I the Scorpion King but I’m the five time WCW Champion AND I GOT A SWORD TOO!” Goldust does the same and Booker says that would make it the Scorpion Queen. This is edited out of the Network version for obvious reasons.

Mr. Perfect vs. Rob Van Dam

Eddie Guerrero is on commentary. Van Dam yells at Eddie on the floor and gets jumped from behind as the fans chant for Rob. A kick to the face sends Perfect to the floor but he comes back in with the necksnap. Van Dam comes back with the usual and Rolling Thunder gets two, followed by the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C. As is so often the case, there’s only so much that can be done in a match this short. It was watchable enough and Van Dam going got the point across but what are they supposed to do in three minutes? This would also be Perfect’s last match on Raw and that’s really noteworthy. He was really just there for months and someone older fans would remember. That doesn’t mean he’s interesting and his wrestling was only average in the limited time he was given.

Post match Eddie attacks but misses the frog splash.

Trish Stratus/Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly/Jazz

Jackie armdrags Molly to start and it’s off to Trish vs. Jazz. Trish avoids a splash and Jackie comes back in already as there’s no flow to this at all. Everything breaks down and Jazz sends Trish into the steps. Jazz gets in a belt shot on Jackie, setting up a clothesline to give Molly the pin. This was nothing.

Trish fights the winners off.

Flair is still upset but Arn Anderson tells him to go make it right in the ring. Dang it Arn this show was going along just fine (ok not really) until that BRILLIANT idea.

Here’s Flair in the arena to say he screwed up again in case you haven’t gotten the point yet. Flair thinks the crowd in a city like St. Louis would take him at his word but he shows us the footage from last night again, including an alternate angle that shows Undertaker blocking Flair’s view. We get a big official apology but here’s Austin to interrupt.

After way too many WHAT’S, Austin doesn’t accept the apology. It turns into an argument over how many titles Flair has won and that’s too far for Ric. The boss says he’s not Vince but Austin wishes he was so he could just stab Austin in the back already. Austin flips him off (because they’re in the Show Me state and he’s showing Flair something) but Flair makes it better by putting Austin in a match: with Bradshaw against the NWO. Sweet goodness end this stupid feud already. It wasn’t even this heavy handed when Vince said they were going to do Austin vs. McMahon II.

Goldust/Booker T. vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley

Bubba throws Spike onto the two of them to start fast before chopping Goldust in the chest over and over. It’s off to Spike for a headbutt to the ribs but Goldust sends him outside as the crowd isn’t exactly thrilled with this one. Booker comes in and hammers away, including the flapjack with Spike selling it as only he can. There’s something about him just crashing down in a heap like that.

Goldust grabs a sleeper for a bit before the hot tag brings in Bubba for all his trash talking and punching. Everything breaks down and Spike gets two off a top rope seated senton. Spike tells Bubba to get the tables but Goldust jumps Bubba from behind. Booker gets in a quick ax kick for the pin on Spike.

Rating: D. They were trying and it’s very nice to see some new teams forming but this was boring. Spike can bump like few others but they would have been much better off just leaving Bubba and D-Von together. I know he’s the more talented (certainly more charismatic) but Bubba isn’t doing nearly as much for me on his own as D-Von right now. At least the preacher gimmick is something fresh and new for them while Bubba is just…..Bubba.

Steven Richards tries to win the Hardcore Title and gets powerbombed through a table. That’s better than they usually do.

Earlier today, Planet Stasiak was interrupted by Tommy Dreamer and his Slurpee. Rhyming ensues (the voices in his head affect his choices) but Regal comes in and asks if Stasiak has lost it. Regal: “Have you gone crackers lad?” Stasiak: “Don’t get silly Willy.” A match is made for later.

William Regal vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak charges into the ring, gets hit with the Power of the Punch and gets pinned before the opening bell. I know it’s stupid but the referee not even caring made me chuckle for some reason.

Bradshaw has been attacked. Flair: “I think I know who did it!” Lawler: “I think I know who did it too!” Since this is wrestling, they don’t bother to actually SAY A NAME as we go to a break.

Back with Flair accusing the NWO, who are rather worried. Flair promises that Austin will have a replacement partner. Kevin Nash comes in after Flair leaves but he catches Nash anyway. Flair gives Austin the Big Show as his partner.

Here’s Hogan (after a string of Hogan Flashbacks to various title wins all night) for his big victory speech. First things first: his man, HHH, deserves a rematch. Dang it I was hoping he meant his main man the Butcher. Hulkamania was reborn last night because he became the Undisputed Champion again. He laughs at Vince for the boss’ comments on Smackdown because the reality is that he’s got the title one more time. Hogan thanks the fans and asks Undertaker what he’s going to do to wrap up this filler interview.

Steve Austin/Big Show vs. NWO

Just put the shirt on Big Show already and save us the time. Show tosses X-Pac to start so it’s off to Hall for the toothpick toss. That earns him a trip to the mat with JR saying Hall was thrown down like a cheeseburger. I don’t even want to know what that means. Austin comes in before Show does much (not a good sign) and cleans a few rooms of the house with spinebusters. The NWO is sent into the corner for a double mudhole stomping because the NWO is so worthless that Austin is barely breaking a sweat on them.

X-Pac finally gets in a clothesline for a breather and the bad double teaming begins. The worst looking Thesz press I’ve ever seen Austin use takes Hall down but it’s not enough for the tag. An abdominal stretch keeps Austin in trouble despite the lack of stretching of the abdominals. Hall’s sleeper is broken up with a jawbreaker and there’s the hot tag to Big Show, who does what anyone who watched WCW knew what he would do for the no contest to end the show.

Rating: D-. Do I even need to explain the NWO problems anymore? They needed a third man (there might be something to that) so the company picked the worst idea they could go with this side of…..I don’t know, Booker T maybe? The NWO is a disaster and they need to pull the plug but that might admit being wrong and we can’t have that.

Overall Rating: D-. This show is reaching WCW levels of the main event dragging everything down. At the moment, the three top stories are Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker in a rematch from 1991 when Hogan already looked old, the NWO vs. reality and Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair in a feud that they haven’t even bothered to warm over. Those feuds are probably eating up half of any given show and Raw gets worse and worse every single week. The rest of the show isn’t much better but anything is an upgrade over this stuff. Get rid of Austin, Hogan and the NWO and let anyone replace them already because this is awful.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 19, 2016
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

It’s the go home show for Clash of Champions as we now go two weeks between single brand pay per views. The big stories coming into tonight seem to be Mick Foley punishing Seth Rollins for interfering in last week’s main event and the return of Rusev, who came back last week to go after Roman Reigns. Let’s get to it.

Last Week on Raw, Kevin Owens beat Reigns to retain the title despite interference by Rollins and thanks to help from Rusev.

Here’s Reigns to get things going but Stephanie McMahon cuts him off, only to have Mick Foley cut her off. Stephanie: “FOLEY! FOLEY! FOLEY!” Thank you Stephanie, though we didn’t need your input. Foley apologizes for letting things get out of hands last week and makes Rusev vs. Rollins for tonight. On the other hand, Reigns will be getting a US Title shot against Rusev on Sunday. Stephanie: “And I personally guarantee it will happen.” Reigns: “Thanks Stephanie. That means so much coming from you.” I might have applauded that line.

Foley goes into a discussion of Raw vs. Smackdown and says he’s out of a job if they lose the ratings war. That means Kevin Owens vs. Reigns again tonight. This brings out Owens to say he should be getting ready for the title match on Sunday. Stephanie says tonight is non-title but Foley makes it a cage match.

After a break, Stephanie and Foley are in the back when Rusev comes up to plug Lana’s movie (Interrogation, with Edge) and Holy Foley. Rusev leaves and Foley gets a call from Chris Jericho.

Rusev vs. Seth Rollins

Non-title. Rusev starts in with his variety of kicks but gets dropkicked out to the floor for his efforts. Rollins is sent back first into the post and a hard whip sends him back first into the buckle for good measure. Some right hands stagger Rusev as Rollins looks so at home as a face. Unfortunately he’s not quite at home on the top as Rusev slams him down with one arm to take us to a break.

Back with Seth fighting out of a waistlock and hitting a quick enziguri for a breather. There’s the Sling Blade to keep Rusev in trouble and Rollins muscles him over for a Falcon Arrow. Rusev comes right back with a superkick to the shoulder (even Cole acknowledges how off it was) for two of his own. Seth gets in the springboard knee and a suicide dive. They fight up the aisle and that’s a double countout at 11:52.

Rating: C+. Oh sweet goodness is Rollins perfect as a face. His size makes him as natural of a good guy as you can get and I still don’t know why they brought him back as a heel other than to make sure Reigns stayed a face. Well, as much of a face as Reigns ca be in the fans’ eyes.

Post match they fight over to the announcers’ table where Seth escapes a powerbomb and dives off the table to take Rusev out.

Dana Brooke yells at Foley about last week’s double pin. The solution: ANOTHER FREAKING TRIPLE THREAT MATCH. Can you imagine if there were this many last man standing matches or cage matches? Almost every story has to wind up as a triple threat at some point and it’s getting really, really tiresome.

Videos on Cedric Alexander and Brian Kendrick, both of whom are debuting as cruiserweights tonight.

Owens and Jericho have a list of grievances for Foley.

Braun Strowman vs. Sin Cara

Rematch from two weeks ago. Cara fires away right hands and kicks to start until Strowman just runs him over like a monster. We hit an early neck crank for a bit before Cara tries to speed things up, only to have his moonsault caught in a powerslam for the pin at 1:54. What in the world was the point of the countout a few weeks ago?

Bayley and Sasha Banks are ready to team together tonight but they’ll fight on Sunday.

Charlotte/Dana Brooke vs. Bayley/Sasha Banks

Sasha rolls Dana up to start before it’s off to Bayley, who sends Charlotte into the buckle and us to a break. Back with Bayley in trouble as the heels take turns cranking on her arms. Bayley gets in a back elbow and middle rope armdrag, allowing the tag to Sasha for a double suplex. Charlotte is smart enough to go after the huge tape around Sasha’s ribs. It’s back to Dana to send Sasha face first into the mat a few times. A headscissors puts Charlotte down and the real hot tag brings in Bayley. Dana saves the Bayley to Belly though and it’s a big boot from Charlotte for the pin on Bayley at 11:09.

Rating: C. Perfectly acceptable formula tag match here with the rib injury giving it an easy story and Charlotte getting some momentum heading into the title match after losing for weeks leading into the title defense. It’s always fun to see the women having the same kind of match you would expect from the men with the only exception being their genders. The lack of PUPPIES chants probably helps a lot too.

Seth goes into Stephanie’s office. After a break, Rollins asks Stephanie why she threw him away for Owens. Stephanie says she had nothing to do with HHH (and since she’s apparently not asked her husband about this once) but it was Seth who allowed the title to go to her brother’s show. Maybe HHH was tired of Seth ruining HHH’s reputation (which has a street value of about $14). Seth is going to prove that the Authority put their money on the wrong horse. Stephanie gets all serious (of course) and orders him to not threaten her.

Bo Dallas vs. Gary Graham

Bo does more serious poetry about how only he can believe in himself. It’s another quick beatdown with knees and right hands as the fans chant for the jobber. The Roll of the Dice ends Graham at 1:18.

Video on the Cruiserweight Classic final.

Cesaro vs. Sheamus

Match six in the best of seven series with Cesaro down 3-2 and let’s get this over with. They slug it out to start and Cesaro flips out of an early backdrop attempt. Sheamus sends him outside and we take a break. Back with Cesaro hitting the uppercut train to knock Sheamus over the barricade and next to some Memphis Grizzlies’ feet.

Cesaro can’t do the apron superplex though and gets caught in White Noise onto the apron. The Brogue Kick misses but Cesaro walks into the Irish Curse for two. Sheamus grabs the Cloverleaf but gets small packaged for two. A rollup with feet on the ropes gets the same on Cesaro before he ducks the Brogue Kick and Neutralizes Sheamus for the pin at 9:40.

Rating: C-. The same problems that have plagued this stupid series for a month are still around here and I won’t bother going over them again. This would have been a lot better if the last three or four matches had a gimmick or something but the fact that we’re heading to a seventh match and nothing has changed really isn’t interesting.

Foley makes the seventh match for Clash of Champions when Jericho comes in. Jericho accuses him of never being a fan but Foley brings up recommending him to Paul Heyman for ECW. Chris has his List of Jericho (list of grievances), which now includes a bad fashion sense. As you might expect, Foley brings up the scarf look. Jericho: “This is very big in Luxemburg.” Foley: “Well it looks ridiculous, right here, in Memphis, Tennessee.” Jericho: “Number six: Uses cheap babyface pops.”

It’s time for Jericho’s list of grievances. First up: Foley is trying to drive a wedge between Jericho and Owens. A fan yells at him so Jericho adds “brace face in row twelve”. We get to the Sami Zayn phone attack last week but here are Enzo and Cass to interrupt. Cass lists off some great friendships, including Bevis and Butthead and Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson.

Cue the Shining Stars to offer some time shares. This brings out the New Day with Kofi saying they have a very good reason to be out here. Big E.: “We have nothing better to do.” Woods promises to keep the titles on Sunday so here are Anderson and Gallows to interrupt. Jericho says everyone in the ring is on his stupid idiot list but here’s Sami because we need a tenth guy for the huge tag match.

Shining Stars/Chris Jericho/Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo and Cass/Sami Zayn/New Day

We start after a break with Kofi spinning into a crossbody for two on Jericho. It’s off to Sami vs. Epico before Big E. comes in for his spanking abdominal stretch. Anderson comes in and catches Kofi with a spinebuster as the bad guys take over. That lasts all of thirty seconds before the hot tag brings in Big Cass to clean house. The Empire Elbow gets two on Primo as everything breaks down. Sami runs the corner for his tornado DDT and there’s a Helluva Kick to Primo. The Bada Boom Shaka Lacka is enough for the pin on Primo at 5:24.

Rating: D+. This is as simple of a way as you’re going to find to do three matches in one on a show where Stephanie needs ten segments. I’m assuming Enzo and Cass get their win back on Sunday’s pre-show and that’s fine enough of a way to end such a nothing feud. Enzo and Cass have to fight New Day sometime and they’d be fine to take the belts away, especially since New Day is less than three months away from Demolition’s record.

We recap the opening segment.

Videos on Gran Metalik and Rich Swann.

Video on Eddie Guerrero in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month.

Here’s Foley to introduce the cruiserweights. After screwing up a few of his lines, Foley talks about the Cruiserweight Classic and introduces Rich Swann, Gran Metalik, Cedric Alexander and Brian Kendrick. Foley makes the first match: a fatal fourway for the shot at TJ Perkins’ Cruiserweight Title on Sunday.

Rich Swann vs. Gran Metalik vs. Cedric Alexander vs. Brian Kendrick

One fall to a finish. It’s a brawl to start since there are no tags, eventually leaving us with Kendrick and Alexander. Brian bails to the floor but gets kicked in the face so Alexander sunset flips Metalik for two. A springboard clothesline gets two more on Metalik but Swann comes back in to kick Cedric in the back.

Swann and Alexander trade strikes and miss kicks until Cedric flips out of a headscissors. A big flip dive takes Kendrick down and it’s only Metalik in the ring. You know what that means as Metalik dives onto everyone, finally drawing a reaction from the crowd. Kendrick breaks up Metalik’s springboard and throws Swann and Alexander into various objects. A few kicks to Swann’s leg take us to a break.

Back with Alexander breaking up Swann’s cover on Metalik but Kendrick grabs a tornado DDT for two of his own on Metalik. Swann’s jumping 450 looks to finish Alexander but Kendrick grabs his Captain’s Hook (bully choke) on Cedric, only to have Metalik make the save. A Lumbar Check drops Metalik and the Captain’s Hook makes Alexander tap and sends Kendrick to the title shot at 15:04.

Rating: C-. Blame it on whomever you want but this fell apart because of the time. This should have been about people flying all over the place and keeping things moving. You know, like a cruiserweight match. Instead it was your run of the mill WWE multi-man match with WAY too much time and the fans just dying throughout. The guys ran out of things to do and then had six or seven minutes to go. Horrible booking decision here and odds are it’s more of the same bickering between Kevin Dunn and HHH’s camps with Kevin trying to shoot down whatever HHH sets up. Oh and the new champ doesn’t even get a cameo? Really?

Nia Jax vs. Alicia Fox on the pre-show.

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Non-title and inside a cage. Reigns slugs away to start but wants nothing of going through the door. The champ gets beaten down in the corner and a running clothesline makes it even worse. A ram into the cage wall sets up a superkick for two on Roman and we take a break. Back with Owens getting crotched on the top and getting crushed up against the cage a few times.

Reigns’ clotheslines have Owens in trouble but he has to Superman punch his way out of a Pop Up Powerbomb. The second attempt at the powerbomb gets two for Owens and they go to the top rope for some rams into the cage. Both guys are down and Reigns sprints up the cage to get outside before Owens can go through the door for the win at 13:17.

Rating: D+. Not only was it boring and not only was there no reason for this to be a cage match but Reigns winning makes Owens’ big problem even worse: he feels like someone who is just there while Stephanie has her issues with Foley/Rollins/Smackdown or whatever disease she’s so passionate about that week. This should have been Rusev coming out and costing Reigns the match and then doing the beatdown that we all know is coming. But no, instead Reigns is the big star and Owens is just another loser.

Post match, Rusev comes out and locks the door so he can put Reigns in the Accolade. You know, because THERE’S NO WAY REIGNS COULD EVER GET OVER A CAGE WALL. Rollins comes out and does the big dive off the top (reminiscent of Rey Mysterio in the early days of the first Brand Split), not even bothering to look at the door because THERE ISN’T A ROOF ON THE CAGE. Everyone is down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s just too long and I don’t know how many other ways there are to say that. Whether it’s seeing Sheamus vs. Cesaro week after week after week or the cruiserweights’ debut being one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in a long time or even more Stephanie and Foley hijinks, these shows feel like they’re going on for days instead of three hours. These shows are too long and the matches and promos having to be stretched out to fill in the time shows worse every week.

Then there’s the main feud as it feels like Stephanie’s latest promo about her power struggle (which DOESN’T EXIST) should end Sunday’s show instead of Owens vs. Rollins. It’s like watching some kids movie about rival Little League teams where the parents are more into the fighting than the adults and that’s getting really, really annoying.

Just let HHH come back and do the match with Rollins at Survivor Series like they should, rather than stretching this ALL THE WAY TO FREAKING WRESTLEMANIA BECAUSE HHH IS WORTHY OF THE BIG STAGE. That main event and these stupid angles ticked me off tonight like they haven’t in a long, long time and that’s not good for any show, especially when they’re heading into a pay per view.

Results

Rusev vs. Seth Rollins went to a double countout

Braun Strowman b. Sin Cara – Powerslam

Charlotte/Dana Brooke b. Bayley/Sasha Banks – Big boot to Bayley

Cesaro b. Sheamus – Neutralizer

New Day/Enzo and Big Cass/Sami Zayn b. Shining Stars/Chris Jericho/Anderson and Gallows – Bada Boom Shaka Lacka to Primo

Brian Kendrick b. Gran Metalik, Rich Swann and Cedric Alexander – Captain’s Hook to Alexander

Roman Reigns b. Kevin Owens – Reign escaped the cage

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