Thought of the Day: I Feel My Temperature Rising (KB Babbles About Raw)
And that’s a good thing.Looking back at last night, we saw one of the things that you can’t plan but it’s the best thing in the world to have: acts are starting to get hot.
New Day is on fire right now and the fans are having a great time booing them. Cesaro/Kidd are one of the most polished teams I’ve seen in years and are giving me flashbacks to the Harts and the Bulldogs. Ambrose is exactly the spark that the main event needed. This open challenge thing is one of the most exciting parts of the show every week. Sami Zayn, the Lucha Dragons and Neville are showing what happens when NXT stars get the chance to shine. Barrett is PERFECT for the king role. Lana could be the biggest Diva in the world if she has any skill in the ring.
I really hope this doesn’t jinx it, but we could be in for one heck of a summer if WWE doesn’t screw this up. Things are getting hot in a hurry and they could knock it out of the park if they don’t do their usual.
A few things that could kill the roll:
Jobbing New Day/Cesaro/Kidd. They’re hot, the fans want to see them do their thing, and they’re all nailing it. Don’t have them be cannon fodder for one off teams like Orton and Reigns.
Don’t have Barrett lose five matches in a row and then win once to prove he’s still good. It hasn’t worked before and it won’t work now.
No more 20 minute opening promos, especially from HHH/Stephanie. That fake smugness about “we love the fans and just want what’s best for them” has been done so many times and it’s completely overdone. Just have them be evil. And don’t let Stephanie keep cutting balls off. Or at least let her get some comeuppance. HHH isn’t even that bad these days. If he keeps it relatively short he’s fine. He’s just been stuck in horrible stories.
Don’t give us Rollins vs. Kane on pay per view. Just don’t.
Keep Big Show in the midcard. The main event stuff was long, dull and didn’t work. Yeah the blowoff match was good, but in no way was it good enough to make up for how bad it was. Get Kane and Big Show out of their spots and put Sheamus/Barrett in there instead.
Last night in the Live Discussion I do every week on Raw (WrestleZone Forums. Check it out), I said something like this:
“Either Sami’s arm injury is fake or he’s the most amazing wrestler of all time.”
It seems the latter is closer to the truth as he really did jack up his shoulder during his entrance. Still though, great stuff.
If it’s not clear, I really liked Raw last night and I’m hoping it keeps going, but I have a feeling they’re going to botch it. As they almost always do.
Monday Night Raw – May 4, 2015: The OLE Is Strong With This One
Monday Night Raw Date: May 4, 2015
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Booker T.
We’re already getting close to Payback and a lot of the card is already set just a little over a week after Extreme Rules. Seth Rollins is ready to defend the World Title against Roman Reigns and Randy Orton at the next pay per view in a triple threat match. The bigger story though seems to be Rollins vs. Kane, which has been brewing for months. Let’s get to it.
We open with Randy Orton, who thinks Payback is the perfect name for this upcoming pay per view. It’s time for him to get his payback on Rollins, and if Reigns has to get in the way so be it, because Orton is walking out champion. This brings out Reigns, who says Orton’s words won’t be coming true. If anyone is getting payback, it’s him. The fans chant RKO, but Reigns says the people don’t fight for Randy. Orton compares their resume and says Reigns has some catching up to do. Reigns brings up beating Randy back at Summerslam and has no problem breaking him in half again at Payback.
Cue the Auth……..uh……actually IT’S A NEW DAY! Woods says that as the only champions here, it’s their job to spread the positivity. No one cares about the Montreal Boo-job (that sounds like a Bo Dallas line) they have going on right now. Kingston says Rollins doesn’t just have Orton’s number but he’s got it on speed dial. Big E. offers them a chance to clap along with the New Day. Kofi: “I TOLD YOU THEY WOULDN’T DO IT!” A handicap match has been made.
New Day vs. Roman Reigns
Non-title. Of note here: the bell rang at 8:14, after a commercial. That’s the kind of speed I want in my opening segments. Kofi and Orton don’t do much so it’s off to Woods, who gets nailed by a hard shoulder. Woods’ leapfrog is countered into a Samoan drop, followed by the tag to Orton. The two man team take turns working over Woods until a Kofi distraction allows for the tag to Big E. It doesn’t take long to get back to Woods for a dropkick as we take a break.
Back with Reigns fighting out of Kofi’s chinlock but getting caught in some suplexes from Big E. for two. We hit a front facelock from Kofi and a chinlock from Xavier until Reigns finally powers out. A clothesline sets up the hot tag to Randy to clean house, including catching a springboarding Kofi in a powerslam. There’s a Superman Punch to Big E. and the elevated DDT to Kingston. Woods gets the RKO but Reigns spears Orton by mistake and Kingston gets the pin at 13:15.
Rating: C+. Totally logical and well done match with the CHAMPIONS WINNING. They had me thinking they were going to do the stupid “champions with an advantage lose” thing but instead they keep the losers looking strong and give the champions the win. That’s all I can ask for so the clapping was a nice bonus.
Kane comes out and says these two aren’t done yet and it’s Reigns vs. Orton for the main event.
After Kane’s announcement, he runs into Rollins in the back. Seth again dangles the Authority over Kane’s head (is the Authority just never in contact if they’re not on TV?) but Kane makes Rollins vs. Ambrose again for tonight but bars the Stooges from ringside. Rollins yells so Kane threatens to tie Rollins’ arms together for the match with Ambrose.
Renee Young (looking spiffy as always) brings out Ryback for a chat. He has no idea why Bray Wyatt has been going after him. The fans chant Goldberg and Ryback says he loves the fans too, because if he ignores it they’ll just keep doing it. That starts a FEED ME MORE chant so maybe he’s onto something. Ryback talks about being hungry to be a hero every single week to every kid in this audience. Last week, Bray Wyatt woke Ryback up and now he’s hungry. Talking time is over and now it’s feeding time. This brings Bray to the screen to talk about fear making us pledged allegiance to higher powers. Ryback will fear him as well.
Ascension vs. Tyson Kidd/Cesaro
The inset interview has the Ascension talking about Tyson being a Hart wannabe. Viktor stomps Kidd down in the corner to start and Ascension starts taking turns on him. Konnor gets two off a suplex and Viktor follows it up with a middle rope kick to the chest. Kidd rolls over for a hot tag to Cesaro for about ten running European uppercuts in the corner to Viktor, who stupidly kicks out at two. Kidd takes Konnor out with a flip dive and it’s the Swing into the dropkick for the pin at 4:07. Cesaro and Kidd got a huge face reaction here.
Rating: C+. THIS is the Kidd/Cesaro that the fans have been dying to cheer for months and they were on fire tonight. They’re developing an awesome chemistry together and Cesaro’s power hasn’t looked as good in a long time. Watching this match, you totally get the desire to see Cesaro become a breakout star. Really good stuff here from one of the best tag teams in a long time.
Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins
Non-title rematch from Smackdown with the Stooges barred from ringside. Before the match, Kane comes out to raise the stakes: if Ambrose wins here, he’s added to the triple threat match to make it a fatal fourway. Rollins is livid but Dean takes the mic from him and says it’s a great idea. Kane says ring the bell so Dean rolls Seth up for a quick two.
Some chops send Seth to the floor but the champ takes over, only to throw Ambrose in for that 619 on the mat spot and takes Seth down again. Back in and Dean gets two off an elbow and hammers away in the corner before sending Rollins into the opposite corner for a Flair Flip. Seth comes back with a snapmare into a chinlock but Dean tosses him outside as we take a break.
Back with Rollins cranking on the neck and sending him face first into the middle buckle. The springboard knee misses though and Dean nails a tornado DDT to put both guys down. Dean slugs away and hits his bulldog, sending Rollins to the floor. Ambrose nails a suicide dive and the fans are very impressed. It’s only enough for two though and Dean is frustrated.
The standing elbow drop gets the same but Seth comes back with the springboard knee to the head. Another slugout leads to a Cactus Clothesline from Ambrose to put both guys on the floor. Rollins gets the better of it with a running powerbomb into the barricade and the fans are way into this again. Dean somehow beats the count back in at nine and a half and Rollins is livid. Seth hammers away in the corner and nails the enziguri but Dean hits the rebound lariat. Cue the Stooges because stipulations mean nothing, but Dean rams them into each other and rolls Seth up for the pin at 16:33.
Rating: B+. I don’t think this holds up due to some stupid stipulations/loophole, but man alive these two work well together. This was more about topping each other instead of the violence that made their feuds work so well before, but this was fine in its own right. Dean is another good example of a guy who can easily get a win like this and bounce right back to the top. It made me chuckle when people said he was buried after losing to Wyatt.
Post match Rollins storms into Kane’s office and blame him for the situation but Kane says the fans picked the match and Rollins lost to make it a fourway. Maybe Seth would like six, seven, even ten challengers instead? This is all to make Seth into the champion they want him to be, and Kane has a plan.
Lana doesn’t know anything about getting a positive reaction. Fandango comes up and says you have to accept the fans. He leaves so Rusev comes in and yells at Lana.
Fandango vs. Rusev
The fans chant for Lana as Rusev gets going. Fandango gets in a quick shot so Rusev throws him to the floor, where Fandango gets Lana to start dancing. Rusev snaps and nails Fandango before ejecting Lana, but the dancer sends him into the post. Back in and some dropkicks have Rusev in trouble, but the jumping superkick and Accolade end Fandango at 2:14. So to recap, Rusev is Marc Mero and Lana is Sable?
Tough Enough audition tapes.
R-Truth vs. Stardust
Rematch from last week’s King of the Ring match. Stardust comes out with a mystery bag. A release gordbuster puts Truth down to stat and a running stomp to the chest has him in more trouble. The fans get bored as both guys collide and begin to entertain themselves. Truth wants to know what’s in the bag and finds….plastic spiders. Stardust rolls up the freaked out Truth for the pin at 2:55.
Cena comes out for the open challenge but has to wait for the fans to tell him that he sucks. Cena: “I quit.” He tries to talk about how those words have meaning now but gets cut off by an OLE chant. Some people would love for him to quit now, but he’s learned to deal with these reactions. Everyone knows he doesn’t give up and he won’t at Payback in his final match with Rusev. Even if he loses, he’s done because there’s no reason for him to have a rematch if he quits.
Cena calls the fans passionate but goes back to Rusev, saying Rusev just wants the title. On the other hand, Cena is fighting for everything he believes in. If your back is up against the wall and someone puts a mic in your face, would you say you quit? There’s a guy in a Nordiques jersey (old Montreal hockey team) because even though they left in 1996, that guy still won’t quit. Cena is proud of that title and will never give it up. In two weeks, the champ is here. Right now though, it’s open challenge time.
US Title: John Cena vs. Bret Hart
Wait what? Bret says he’s here to introduce the real opponent, but gets cut off by the man answering the challenge.
US Title: John Cena vs. Heath Slater
He isn’t getting cut off again this week because two weeks ago it was an RKO out of nowhere and then Rusev jumping him out of nowhere. Slater is tired of getting attacked out of nowhere, so there’s a mic to his head from Bret. Now here’s the REAL challenger.
US Title: John Cena vs. Sami Zayn
YES! I can’t remember the last time I actually pumped my fist and shouted YES at the TV for an announcement but it happened tonight. In a travesty of justice, this is joined in progress with Sami sending him to the floor and teasing a dive. Back in and Sami gets caught in a side slam into a chinlock, followed by a belly to back for two. Then the referee stops the match and throws up an X with Sami holding his shoulder. Oh no man not now.
Sami says he can keep going and the fans love him even more. Cena is tentative to go after the arm so they circle each other a bit until Cena gets him into the corner for some right hands. Zayn comes back with a clothesline but comes up holding his shoulder. Cena loads up the finishing sequence but Sami counters the Shuffle into a rollup for two. John bails to the floor, allowing Sami to hit the big flip dive, but Cena slaps on the STF back inside. Zayn gets over to the ropes for the break and can barely move.
The Downward Spiral into the Koji Clutch out of nowhere has Cena in trouble but he floats over into the AA, only to get caught in a flat German suplex for two. Rusev and Lana are watching in the back as Cena nails Sami with a clothesline. The AA is countered and a double clothesline puts both guys down.
Cena rolls outside and gets caught by the running diving DDT through the ropes to knock Cena silly on the floor. Back in and the AA hits for…..two? The Blue Thunder Bomb gets the same and the fans are losing their minds on these kickouts. Cena’s springboard Stunner sets up another AA to finally retain the title at 10:40 shown.
Rating: A-. They give Stardust vs. R-Truth a full match and THIS gets clipped down? That shoulder story worked great and Sami looked like the pluckiest underdog in the history of dogs that are under, which is basically his character in a nutshell. I really hope this is the start of Sami’s main roster run as he can clearly hang on this stage.
Cena helps Sami to his feet and leaves him alone for a standing ovation from his hometown crowd.
The Bellas are coming to the ring and New Day is STILL celebrating in the back. I want to marry this show and divorce it after about four years.
Renee is trying to find Sami for an interview but New Day comes up to continue celebrating. Big E. says victorious about five times and Woods plugs his E:60 special tomorrow night on ESPN. Cesaro and Kidd break up the NEW DAY ROCKS chant but Woods calls Tyson a catastrophe of a Canadian. This negativity will not keep the champions down but Kidd starts a NEW DAY SUCKS chant.
Nikki Bella vs. Naomi
Naomi and the returning Tamina Snuka jump the Twins from behind with Tamina nailing a superkick to Nikki’s chest. Well it’s kind of hard to miss. Naomi says this is what family is all about. No match, which is probably the smartest thing they could have done. Also, I’ll take Tamina (who is Naomi’s cousin by marriage) over a Funkadactyls reunion every single day.
Here’s Bad News Barrett for the first time since winning the crown. Barrett: “Hear ye you filthy commoners!” Oh yeah he’s going to nail this. He talks about Princess Charlotte being born a few days ago and says how great a week this is for the royal family. Great, great stuff here as Barrett’s voice makes the character.
Sheamus/Bad News Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler/Neville
Barrett kicks Ziggler in the ribs to start but gets thrown to the floor as we take an early break. We come back with Ziggler fighting out of Sheamus’ chinlock but getting caught in a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. Sheamus talks a lot of trash, allowing Dolph to score with a sweet superkick. Dolph gets the tag and Neville comes in like a house of fire, including the big spinning flip dive to Barrett.
Back in and the standing moonsault gets two before Neville has to duck the Bull Hammer. A German suplex gets two on Barrett as Ziggler and Sheamus fight outside. Neville kicks the King in the head and goes to the apron, only to springboard into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 8:38.
Rating: C. Nice little tag match here but it didn’t have time to do much with the break at the beginning. Sheamus and Barrett make a nice heel team and could be a fun act together for a good while to come. If nothing else, swap them with Big Show and Kane as the Authority’s enforcers.
Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton
Before the match, the Authority comes out to delay things even further. Noble is guest ring announcer, Mercury is guest timekeeper, Kane is guest enforcer, and Rollins is guest commentator. Cole: “Thank you mayor of Munchkin City.” The bell rings at 11:02 and there’s no contact in the first thirty seconds. Orton tries an RKO out of nowhere but Reigns shoves him away and starts a slugout.
Reigns takes him down with a Samoan drop and they go outside. Your guest ring announcer takes a right hand to the jaw and Kane gets stared down. They trade secondary finishers and Orton takes over with the powerslam. The RKO is countered and Reigns nails the Superman Punch, only to have Kane pull him outside. Orton gets beaten down as well and we’ll call it a no contest at about 6:30.
Rating: D. Nothing match here but did you expect anything else? There’s nothing else to talk about here so I’ll save you some time.
Reigns dives on everyone but the beatdown is on until Ambrose makes the save. Reigns takes an RKO and Orton eats Dirty Deeds to leave Dean standing tall to end the show.
Overall Rating: A. Well that’s about as good of a show as I’ve seen since……the Raw after Wrestlemania XXX? Everything was on point all night with the right pace, the right decisions and A LOT of really good wrestling. This was the kind of show they needed, but now they need to keep things going. Of course it doesn’t have to be at this pace because that’s an unfair request, but something with this kind of energy and logic will do wonders for them. Outstanding show.
Results
New Day b. Randy Orton/Roman Reigns – Kingston pinned Orton after a spear from Reigns
Tyson Kidd/Cesaro b. Ascension – Cesaro Swing into a dropkick to Viktor
Dean Ambrose b. Seth Rollins – Rollup
Rusev b. Fandango – Accolade
Stardust b. R-Truth – Rollup
John Cena b. Sami Zayn – Attitude Adjustment
Sheamus/Bad News Barrett b. Dolph Ziggler/Neville – Bull Hammer to Neville
Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns went to a no contest when the Authority interfered
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: April 27, 2015
This was kind of a special episode as the King of the Ring was announced and set up in the span of a single day. Apparently the idea was to have it spread into May on the Network where people would have to pay for it, but since May is ANOTHER free month, they’re just turning it into a two night event instead. That makes me so much happier to have paid for the Network since day one. Let’s get to it.
We open with the story that just won’t die as Kane, Rollins and the Stooges are in the ring. Uh let’s see: Rollins brags, Kane blames Rollins for whatever (that’s a good point: why are these two even fighting? I think it’s something to do with Kane thinking Rollins is ungrateful or something, but they keep shouting all the time and it’s really gotten lost in the shuffle), Rollins tells him to shut up, they bicker like two idiots, Orton and Reigns come out and want title shots, Kane says it’s POLL TIME!
Barrett beat Ziggler in a pretty lame tournament match. That’s going to become a recurring theme: tournament matches mostly suck because they need to fly through the first round and there’s not much time to do things like build up a match.
Xavier Woods cheated to help Big E. beat Tyson Kidd. How nice is it to see someone cheating like a good old fashioned villain?
Ryback squashed Bo Dallas and then got beaten up by Bray Wyatt. This was pretty clear after the weights line from Bray last week, but I’m really not sure where this one is going. Ryback vs. Wyatt could be an interesting feud, but it could also be one of those where you watch the match, tilt your head a bit and then say “well that…….sucked? I think?” It’s an odd pairing but I like both guys so it could go somewhere. Oh and one more thing: why are people SO obsessed with seeing Bo Dallas as Bray’s disciple? Yeah they’re brothers. Does that mean they have to be together on screen? I’ve never gotten the mass appeal of the pairing.
There was no open challenge this week as Rusev came out beat up Heath Slater before he could answer and then did the same promo they’ve done about 15 times now. I’m really starting to get worried about Rusev as more than once now I’ve forgotten what he’s been doing since he lost the US Title. One day someone in WWE is going to have to sit down with me and explain the psychology behind taking someone who was really getting over and then having them lose on pay per view three times in a row to the same guy. I’m guessing this leads to Lana’s big face turn, but do we really need to kill Rusev to get there?
Kane and Rollins did their same schtick of threatening to call the Authority because the 7′ monster and the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION are the little kids to HHH and Stephanie’s mom and dad. This bickering angle is really getting old and again, I have no idea what I’m supposed to find interesting about it.
R-Truth beat Stardust to advance. You think I have anything else to say about this?
Adam Rose beat Fandango. To quote myself from the original review: “This is the latest story that people aren’t going to care about and is going to be a waste of time.”
Brie Bella couldn’t remember what emotion she was supposed to have when talking about her husband’s career possibly being over. Naomi shoved her down to continue trying to make the Bellas into faces because……well someone has to be in this division.
Naomi then beat Brie with one of the worst small packages I’ve ever seen. I’ll give them this though: there was a clear heel and face in the match and I had a reason to care about seeing Brie beat Naomi up. That right there is all the story I need. You have a villain and an opponent (I still can’t bring myself to call her a hero) who can give her what she has coming and maybe the match won’t suck. On a good day. Maybe.
Sheamus beat Dean Ambrose via DQ to advance when Dolph Ziggler interfered. Ambrose looked good out there and it was one of the better matches of the night, so there isn’t much to say here. One good thing though was Dean freaking out that Ziggler interefering was a DQ. His I GET DQ’d FOR THAT was right up there with Hogan thinking that Jimmy Hart wearing a striped jacket and counting the pin at Wrestlemania IX was enough to win the Tag Team Titles.
Damien Sandow’s new gimmick is mimicking people. You know, like four year olds do. I give this a month, max. There was something in there about beating up Curtis Axel too.
Neville beat Luke Harper because Neville is pretty awesome. This was a god way to have a young hero stand up to a monster like Harper and come out looking great. Neville is getting one of the best pushes I’ve seen in a long time and I’m getting more and more into his matches every single time.
The main event was a long Reigns/Orton vs. Rollins/Kane tag with Reigns pinning the champ. This was your standard main event tag match, meaning it was entertaining enough but longer than it needed to be.
The triple threat option won the poll because…..it’s too late in the night for sarcasm. It won because it’s a triple threat and that’s the only thing that was ever going to win.
This show was about setting up Payback and the tournament as fast as they could because somehow, despite OWNING ITS OWN NETWORK, WWE still can’t figure out something as simple as a schedule to let pay per views be properly built. Not a very good show but it did its job well enough. These episodes of building up future shows are never all that great so this was about as good as you can get, especially with the tournament stuff shoehorned in.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw Date: April 27, 2015
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Booker T.
We’re past Extreme Rules but the more interesting story is the return of the King of the Ring tournament. The tournament is back for the first time in seven years with the finals being held tomorrow night during a Network special. Other than that we have all the Extreme Rules fallout to get through. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here are the King of the Ring brackets.
Dean Ambrose
Sheamus
Neville
Luke Harper
R-Truth
Stardust
Dolph Ziggler
Bad News Barrett
Rollins, Kane and the Stooges open us up. Rollins brags about what he did last night and runs down his resume in recent weeks. It was clear that Rollins was going to win from the start last night and the SKO (yes SKO) out of nowhere was a nice touch. Seth says you need good soldiers and thanks Kane for his help, but the monster isn’t happy with that. After some yelling and comparing Rollins to Justin Bieber, here’s Randy Orton to interrupt.
Randy gets right to the point: due to Rollins cheating last night, it’s time for a rematch. This brings out Roman Reigns who seems to think he has a case for a title shot as well. While standing on the announcers’ table, Roman talks about their history together and thinks it’s his turn for a shot at the title. Rollins says no but Kane says it’s going to be up to the WWE Universe.
King of the Ring First Round: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett
Before the match, Ziggler swears payback on Sheamus. Perhaps at Payback? Barrett punches him into the corner to start and kicks Ziggler in the face. A quick dropkick puts Bad News on the floor and we take a break. Back with Barrett kicking him in the face and knocking him to the floor. Ziggler is right back in there though and counters Winds of Change into the running DDT.
Barrett gets back up in a hurry though and gets two off Wasteland. The Bull Hammer is countered with a superkick for two but here’s Sheamus with stills of the post match humiliation from last night. The distraction works as Barrett Bull Hammers Dolph from the apron to advance at 8:24.
Rating: D+. As is so often the case, not enough time means not much of a match. This is a common occurrence in tournaments: you have to get so many matches in that you have to keep things moving, meaning there’s no time to get anywhere with a lot of them. You can pretty much pencil in Ziggler returning the favor later on.
Here’s New Day for Big E.’s match, but before the match, Woods wants to thank all of the clappers out there. It’s not just a New Day, but it’s time for a new clap, so try this one on: New Day ROCKS! You can imagine the fans’ reaction.
Big E. vs. Tyson Kidd
Kidd goes right after Big E. to start but slingshots onto E.’s shoulders. Tyson quickly escapes though and kicks Big E. in the head before stomping to the beat of the chants in the corner. A running kick to the face from the apron knocks E. down again but Big E. hits a clothesline with Woods holding Kidd’s foot for the pin at 1:25.
Ryback vs. Bo Dallas
Before the match, Bo gives Ryback one chance to walk away before the beating begins, but he makes sure to insult the Packers fans in the audience. After a GO PACK GO chant, Ryback slugs Bo down but Dallas gets in a series of forearms to the back for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Ryback destroys him with a spinebuster. The Meat Hook and Shell Shock are enough for the pin at 2:06.
Post match we’ve got Wyatt in the ring to stare down Ryback and hit a quick Sister Abigail. I can dig this feud, and no I don’t think we’re seeing/need a Bo Dallas/Bray Wyatt connection.
Here’s Cena for this week’s open challenge. Last night he was on a high after defending the title against Rusev again, but then he saw Rusev and Lana announce one more match for the title. It’s an I Quit match at Payback, which sounds right up Cena’s alley. He’ll never say he quits, but he if does, there’s no rematch because Cena couldn’t face himself anymore. As for tonight though, the challenge is open.
US Title: Heath Slater vs. John Cena
Slater has a mic with him and says he’ll win the title tonight and become the US Champion of the world. He talks about recreating Aaron Rogers’ Discount Double Check but gets kicked in the head by Rusev. Lana comes out waving but gets sent to the back as Rusev rants about the fans giving up already. No match. The Russian flag drops, which makes Cena get all serious. Why doesn’t he just talk to the production staff and not let them put the flag in place?
Kane explains that the fans can vote for who faces Rollins on the WWE App, sending Rollins into a frenzy. He threatens to call HHH or Stephanie so Kane gives the fans the option of making it a triple threat. Seth is livid.
King of the Ring First Round: R-Truth vs. Stardust
Truth wants to win so he can get rid of all spiders. Stardust wants to become King of the Stars. The Cody chants start up as Stardust nails him in the jaw coming out of the corner and stomps Truth in the back. A chinlock keeps things slow and Stardust busts out a cartwheel. Booker: “Why?” Truth comes back but misses the ax kick. They trade rollups for two each until the Disaster Kick is countered into Little Jimmy (called the Lie Detector) for the pin at 3:52.
Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. Truth was the obvious winner as soon as Barrett won, which is one of the things that gets old in a hurry about tournaments. Once one guy wins, it’s almost obvious who is going to win the next match because some matches just aren’t going to happen. Nothing to see here with an obvious winner.
Fandango vs. Adam Rose
Fandango starts fast by sending Rose to the floor for a big dive, only to be distracted by Rosa Mendes, who was disguised as a Rosebud. The surprise allows Rose to hit the Party Foul for the pin at 1:50.
Rosa can’t believe Fandango picked the fans over her and kisses Rose. This is the latest story that people aren’t going to care about and is going to be a waste of time.
We go to Renee Young with Brie Bella, who is WAY too happy to be discussing her husband’s health. Renee brings up Bryan and the smile goes away. Did they just not tell her what they were talking about? They want Bryan back in the ring and are so grateful for the fans’ support, but Naomi comes up and shoves her down. No one cares about Brie or Bryan apparently.
Naomi vs. Brie Bella
That’s a very quickly signed match. Naomi gets in a cheap shot from behind to start, followed by a hard forearm to the face. Thankfully Nikki is on the floor so we don’t have COME ON BRIE in a mic this week. Brie comes back with a running faceplant and BRIE MODE. The middle rope dropkick gets two but Naomi gets a horrible looking small package (Brie’s shoulder wasn’t being touched and there was no reason she couldn’t raise it off the mat) for the pin at 3:40.
Rating: D+. The match was nothing to see, but my goodness how much easier are the Divas to sit through when the stories are a bit more logical? Naomi is a jerk and attacked Brie when she was talking about her injured husband. That minute long segment set up the match and made perfect sense. Why is that so hard to do so often?
King of the Ring First Round: Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus
Dean’s decrees if he becomes King: remove all tariffs on ale, ban pop-country and have all disputes settled in street fights. They shove each other into the corner to start until Sheamus drops Dean with a shoulder. Dean takes him to the mat and ties up the legs to try a wrestling match, earning him a right hand to the face. Dean’s bulldog is countered but he hits a forearm to send Sheamus outside as we take a break.
Back with Sheamus hitting his release suplex slam. Ambrose finally scores with the rebound clothesline and both guys are down. Back up and the Brogue Kick misses, allowing Dean to send him shoulder first into the post. A powerslam from Sheamus looks to set up White Noise but Dean counters into Dirty Deeds, which is countered into the Cloverleaf.
Dean gets to the ropes for the break and has to fight out of the ten forearms. The top rope standing elbow gets two before they fight to the floor with Dean clotheslining him off the announcers’ table. A Brogue Kick out of nowhere nails Ambrose but Dolph runs in for the DQ at 12:41.
Rating: B-. This was rolling along until the obvious ending. As I’ve harped on all night: tournaments are the most predictable thing in wrestling, but fans always clamor for them if you just slap the King of the Ring name tag on there. I was digging the heck out of this match until Ziggler ran in though, which is a shame.
The best part here comes from Dean after the match: “I GET DQ’D FOR THAT???”
Here’s Damien Sandow for his first comments after last week. Three years ago he arrived in the WWE in a blue bathrobe and said he would enlighten everyone. After that he was told he just wasn’t entertaining enough so he started going insane imitating people (complete with stills of some of his better/worse moments, depending on your taste). This culminated in Damien Mizdow, which lost him some respect among his peers but gained him the respect of the WWE Universe, which is more important than anything else he could have. He isn’t sure where he goes from here, but Curtis Axel comes out to help guide him a bit.
Axel can’t stand someone not knowing who they are and trying to be someone else. So WHATCHA GONNA DO…..but Sandow cuts him off by imitating everything Axel says like a four year old does and eventually punches Axel out and drops the Wind Up Elbow and a legdrop for good measure.
Bray Wyatt talks about learning to play with fire but doesn’t know if Ryback will ever learn. Will Ryback ever learn, or will he always be obsessed with himself? Ryback is transparent and Bray knows what scares him. Tonight was only the beginning so run.
Tough Enough audition tapes.
King of the Ring First Round: Neville vs. Luke Harper
Neville grabs a headscissors to start and kicks Harper to the floor, setting up a hurricanrana off the apron. Back in and Harper knocks a springboarding Neville out of the air for two to take over as we go to a break. Back with Neville fighting out of a chinlock and kicking Harper to the floor for a top rope Asai Moonsault to drop Harper again.
Neville gets two off a standing shooting star but Harper just kicks him in the face and plants him with a half nelson suplex. The big sitout powerbomb gets two for Harper and the fans think this is awesome. They head to the corner with Neville kicking him in the head, setting up a sunset bomb from Neville. The Red Arrow connects for the pin to send Neville to the semi-finals at 10:17.
Rating: B. That was by far and away the best match of the night for multiple reasons, but above all else it was due to the match being a tossup. I could have seen either guy going over here and that makes things far more interesting. Good stuff here with Neville’s rocket push working more and more every week.
Here are the final four.
Barrett
R-Truth
Neville
Sheamus
Roman Reigns/Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins/Kane
Reigns takes Rollins into the corner to start so Randy can kick him in the ribs. Rollins bails to the floor so it’s off to Reigns vs. Kane with the former planting him with a side slam. Back to Kane who pulls Orton into the corner for some stomping as JBL won’t shut up about how unfair the idea of a triple threat is. We take a break and come back with Rollins holding Orton in a chinlock.
That goes as far as a chinlock is going to go as Orton fights up with a t-bone suplex, setting up the tags to the power guys. Roman fires off clotheslines in the corner, capped off by a big one from the middle rope as everything breaks down. The Authority is sent to the floor but Mercury break up the big dive. Roman follows Joey around and winds up walking into an uppercut from Kane to take over again. Reigns wins a slugout with Rollins so the champ kicks him in the face for two.
Kane scores with the side slam for two before putting on a bearhug. The slow beating continues until Roman finally slams Rollins down, allowing for the hot tag to Orton. Everything breaks down again and Reigns powers out of a chokeslam, only to have Rollins dropkick Kane by mistake.
Mercury is thrown into Kane, allowing Orton to hit the elevated DDT on Seth. The RKO is countered into a rollup, followed by the low superkick to knock Randy to the floor. Seth tries a suicide dive but hits Kane, sending the monster into a rage against the Stooges. An uppercut drops Rollins and it’s the Superman Punch into the RKO for the pin on the champ at 18:38.
Rating: C+. Longer than it needed to be here but the ending did what it was supposed to. At least Kane isn’t going to be added into the title picture, but it’s not the most interesting story in the world regardless. Reigns getting back into the title hunt is a good idea though and it sets up a more interesting match at Payback.
Triple threat gets 78% of the poll. This would be more surprising if WWE hadn’t spoiled the results last week. Rollins eats a spear to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. This show wasn’t the best but it had two major stories going on at the same time. The tournament was the standard for a first round of a tournament and the poll results were never in doubt, but they kept the show moving enough with far more action than talking, which is more important than anything else. Good enough show here as they’re finding a good balance to make things work and get through these never ending rematches.
Results
Bad News Barrett b. Dolph Ziggler – Bull Hammer
Big E. b. Tyson Kidd – Clothesline with Woods holding the foot
Ryback b. Bo Dallas – Shell Shock
R-Truth b. Stardust – Little Jimmy
Naomi b. Brie Bella – Small package
Sheamus b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Dolph Ziggler interfered
Randy Orton/Roman Reigns b. Kane/Seth Rollins – RKO to Rollins
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Not bad other than basically giving Barrett/Ziggler a bye into the finals. I’m assuming it winds up with Sheamus vs. Ziggler again because WWE loves their rematches.
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: April 20, 2015
With just six days to go until Extreme Rules, WWE has a long way to go to get me interested in the show. It isn’t likely helping that they’re just back from the big European tour and are likely to be jetlagged half to death. The big story is likely to be more build between Rollins and Orton, who are loading up for a pretty lackluster title match. Oh and Kane because of reasons I don’t understand.
Orton opened the show in a cage, promising to hurt Seth this Sunday and take the title. Rollins and the Stooges came out and told him to get this out of his system now because it won’t work on Sunday. This sounds appealing to Randy, who promises RKO’s all night.
I really, really didn’t care for this segment as it’s more of the old standard walking you through everything they’re doing that night instead of doing anything that feels organic or natural. Why do they have to tell us everything they’re going to do instead of SHOWING US everything they want to do? Just have Orton start RKOing everyone backstage and let the fans go “oh that was cool” instead of sitting around waiting for it. Not a fan here but this story isn’t exactly one that inspires intellectual stimulation.
Ambrose and Harper had a quick non-match to set up their street fight on Sunday. These two could have an entertaining brawl if they’re allowed to just go nuts.
The Prime Time Players continued their recent awesome run by scaring the daylights out of Rollins and the Stooges, who are terrified of Orton attacking them. HHH popped up and laughed off their worries, as well as mentioned Kane because that’s the big story around here.
New Day, now fully heel, cheated to earn a title shot on Sunday over the Lucha Dragons via countout. Notice that they didn’t just have the Dragons get pinned here to kill their momentum. Instead, the faces (or faceless ones actually) lose because the heels cheated, keeping them strong and making the heels look like cheaters. That’s common sense booking and hopefully something that we see more often.
Orton came out and RKO’ed Kingston (with a botch as Kofi wasn’t ready to be thrown into the air, which looked really bad. He’s done) and Woods. This would be more of the theme that they made VERY CLEAR earlier in the night in case you were too stupid to figure out that Orton is RKOing everyone he can on a path to Rollins. That’s a bit too complicated for wrestling fans I suppose.
Fandango beat Curtis Axel in the weekly filler.
HHH announced the return of Tough Enough and most people didn’t seem to care. Could it be because outside of John Morrison, the most successful winner had a career highlight of eliminating Undertaker from the Royal Rumble and having the most amazing eyebrows in the history of wrestling?
Anyway the REAL story here was Kane coming out and tried to quit his job as Director of Operations because he’s tired of Rollins disrespecting him. Rollins came out and argued a lot as this story just won’t die already. HHH made them shake hands after Kane said the Rollins was just in the right place at the right time and anyone could have been made champion in his place. They kept arguing after a break and Rollins vs. Ziggler was made for later tonight.
Then the Bellas decided they were good now and Nikki shouted COME ON BRIE about 100 times to show off her new found goodness as Brie lost to Naomi. This would be the polar opposite of the “here’s what we’re going to do” booking as instead of showing you every step, they’re just at the end already without any real reason.
Think about it. The Bellas went from being full on villains to halfway down the spectrum in a week and for what? Mainly because WWE screwed up and turned almost the entire Divas division heel. I know I get on the Bellas quite a bit (which I still say they deserve a huge amount of) but the direction of their characters and sudden drastic changes to their characters have been some of the most jarring and worst ideas I have ever seen in wrestling. That being said, they don’t do themselves any favors with their average at best matches and BRIE MODE/COME ON BRIE!
Randy Orton RKOed Heath Slater into his salad. See, THIS is the kind of surprise moment they should have been going with all night instead of telling us the idea.
Roman Reigns wanted Big Show but got Bo Dallas. Superman Punches, spears and Reigns saying Bo-lieve that abounded in a fun little segment.
Sheamus massacred Zack Ryder until Dolph Ziggler came in for the save. This was fine to get the point across.
Cena issued the open challenge and had a horrible match with Kane to retain the title. Here’s a sign of Cena’s greatness: he has bad matches with Kane and Big Show, but name someone else he doesn’t bring up to a higher level. If there are only two people in his career where it doesn’t work, he’s roughly 100 steps above most other talent. Rusev would attack Cena later in the night to set up the title match Sunday.
Bray Wyatt talked about how his new target can’t lift his way out of this one. That makes me think Ryback, which could be a nice surprise or a disaster, though they’ve been treating Ryback like a monster again, which is certainly a good thing.
Miz beat Mizdow in less than three minutes when Summer Rae turned on Mizdow in one of the most obvious heel turns this side of Big Show turn #1894. So to recap, Mizdow takes forever to turn on Miz, loses the battle royal to Big Show after getting really close, then loses two out of the three matches to Miz. Why do I even bother getting behind someone when their big goal is to build someone up to sacrifice them on the altar of WWE Studios? Miz got an RKO to emphasize that the entire Miz vs. Mizdow story meant nothing.
Ryback mauled Adam Rose and then beat up a hot dog and banana.
Kane and Rollins bickered some more with Rollins offering an apology.
Rollins vs. Ziggler was every Rollins vs. Ziggler match you’ve ever seen. The cage lowered post match so Rollins could hide from Kane. If you don’t know what was waiting for him when he turned around to end the show, you haven’t been paying close enough attention.
Raw really wasn’t very good this week and so much of it revolves around how lame the main stories have been. Kane was the focal point of the show this week with this never ending argument with Rollins, which seems destined to result in Kane screwing Orton over on Sunday and the Authority revealing it was all a huge swerve that we never saw coming. The wrestling was nothing to see this week either and it made for a really weak three hours. Extreme Rules and these rematches need to be gone soon, as does Kane’s never ending main event run. He just isn’t interesting and it’s killing the rest of the card.
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Monday Night Raw – April 20, 2015: The Post European Blues
Monday Night Raw Date: April 20, 2015
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: Booker T., John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole
We’re six days away from Extreme Rules and the card is all set. The main event will be Seth Rollins’ first title defense as he takes on Randy Orton in a cage match with the RKO banned for Orton. As for tonight, one of the major stories will be Kane’s continuing issues with the Authority, as the monster has been having issues with his bosses in the last few weeks. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Orton and Rollins earning the right to pick stipulations for the title match on last week’s show.
Here’s Randy Orton as a cage is lowered. He thinks Rollins screwed up with his choice because the RKO isn’t his greatest weapon. Orton’s best weapon is the ability to hurt people in any way that he possibly can. This Sunday, he’s going to break Rollins’ jaw so he can’t run his mouth anymore. Then he’s going to stomp Seth’s ribs until they break. After that, Rollins is going to be sent into the cage so many times that every bone in his body hurts. Then and only then will Orton leave the cage as the new WWE Champion.
Cue Rollins and the Stooges with what sounds like some new music. He talks about Orton having anger issues but Randy cuts him off and says that his issues are with Seth Rollins. Seth laughs it off and says he plays this game of human chess better than anyone because he can outmaneuver anyone inside that ring. He’s the best at everything here and just that much better than Orton. Seth tells him to get it out of his system and Orton thinks that’s a good idea. After this segment is over, he’s going to go backstage and RKO everyone he can find, including Rollins himself.
Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper
You would think they would save this for Sunday. Harper actually talks on the way to the ring, saying Ambrose will fear him after tonight. The brawl is on fast to start with Harper getting caught in a bulldog, only to superkick Dean down and hammer him in the back of the head. Dean takes him outside and sends Harper into the apron and announcers’ table, only to be tossed over the barricade and into the crowd. They keep fighting up the ramp and the match has been thrown out at somewhere around 2:00.
Harper loads up a powerbomb off the stage but Dean escapes and sends Harper running.
Orton and the Stooges are checking for Orton around every corner when the Prime Time Players sneak up and do the dog bark to scare them out of their wits in a funny bit. O’Neil and Noble have a quick exchange with Noble being called a Smurf before Rollins yells at a production guy. They run into HHH who says he’s been hearing from Kane as he’s been preparing for Tough Enough. Kane will be here later and Rollins requests some more security. HHH says Orton is just one guy and leaves.
Lucha Dragons vs. New Day
#1 contenders match. Kofi and Cara get things going with Woods on the floor as usual. Both guys tag before anything happens and grabs Kalisto, who tries every spin he can but eventually settles for a kick to the head. A headscissors works a bit better and it’s quickly off to Cara for a springboard forearm to the head for two. It’s quickly back to Kofi vs. Cara and they actually do something this time with Cara armdragging Kingston but getting sent to the floor for a baseball slide to take over.
Back to Big E. who runs Cara over as we take a break. We come back to see Kofi dropkicking Cara in the face before handing it off to Big E. for some clubbing shots to the face. Cara dives over Big E. and makes the tag to Kalisto to clean house, including the headscissor driver to Kofi for two. Kofi gets backdropped to the floor, setting up stereo moonsaults to take New Day down again. Everyone tries to get back in but Woods holds Cara’s foot to send New Day to Extreme Rules via countout at 9:34.
Rating: B-. This really got going at the end and Woods interfering was the right idea. It’s going to be interesting to see heel vs. heel on Sunday but the match should be entertaining. Good stuff here though and a good showcase for the Dragons, who only lose due to the interference and the numbers game.
Post match Orton comes in and RKOs Woods and Kingston (with a slight botch as Kofi wasn’t ready to be thrown into the air, so there goes his push again). Big E. runs away instead.
We recap Rusev attacking Cena to set up the Russian Chain match on Sunday.
Recap of Big Show attacking Reigns last week on Raw and his speech on Thursday to set up the Last Man Standing match on Sunday. Maybe their solution to the ratings issue is to have Big Show put everyone to sleep so they can’t change the channel.
Fandango vs. Curtis Axel
Speaking of don’t change the channel. Axel dances a bit to start but takes too long tearing off the shirt, allowing Fandango to roll him up for two. A Falcon Arrow plants Curtis and the Last Dance is good for the pin at 1:16.
Here’s HHH to talk about the return of Tough Enough. A year ago, the Authority was at a crossroads. They needed to find that one man to carry the company for the next ten years and they found that man in Seth Rollins. Now it’s time to find the next Seth Rollins. That search will begin right here on USA with the return of Tough Enough on June 23. Who hasn’t dreamed of walking down the ramp in front of 76,000 people with the WWE Championship hanging above your head? Right now is your chance to fulfill that dream and you can do that on Tough Enough.
HHH walks us through the application process but gets cut off by Kane. “You’re a little bit seasoned for Tough Enough.” Kane asks why HHH hasn’t responded to the voicemails, texts and emails but HHH says he’s just been letting Kane cool down. It’s been an honor to be Director of Operations, but Kane can’t deal with the disrespect of Seth Rollins so this is his official two weeks’ notice. HHH tries to talk him down but here are Rollins and the Stooges to interrupt. Kane and Rollins start arguing again despite HHH telling them to cool it.
Kane shouts that Rollins is only champion because the Authority decided he was going to be. Would it have been different if they had recruited Dean Ambrose or El Torito? That’s finally enough for HHH (a big Torito fan I guess) who makes Kane guardian of the cage door on Sunday. Seth isn’t cool with this but HHH says the two of them need to get along. A tense handshake ends things.
We recap Paige winning the Divas battle royal but getting attacked by Naomi after the win.
Kane and Rollins are already arguing in the back but HHH comes up and says Kane has lost the hellfire and brimstone. Kane is going to prove him wrong tonight. Rollins smirks a bit but HHH rips him apart, saying the title doesn’t make him the man. Therefore, tonight it’s Rollins vs. Ziggler with Rollins getting to prove himself. Rollins likes the idea, despite almost cowering before HHH.
Naomi vs. Brie Bella
No dancing this week. Naomi’s inset interview talks about how many times she’s had to beat a Bella to get her shot but constantly being told to wait her turn. Nikki sits in on commentary and talks about still being champion as Naomi slides across the mat and kicks Brie in the face. Naomi nips out of a headscissors and Nikki says she’ll fight anyone anytime. Some kicks to the ribs sent Brie to the floor and the show to a break.
Back with Naomi holding a front facelock and slowly stomping Brie around the ring. We hit a chinlock before a double clothesline puts both girls down. Brie fights up and does a face comeback with a middle rope dropkick getting two. Naomi misses a high cross body but hits the Rear View for the pin at 10:01.
Rating: D. They’re turning the Bellas face aren’t they? After all the nonsense we’ve had to put up with from them over the last year and most of the roster wrestling circles around them, now we’re supposed to cheer for them for reasons that have yet to be explained and likely never will be explained. But they’re STARS so that’s what matters right?
Heath Slater tells Erick Rowan that he’s accepting the open challenge for the US Title tonight. Rowan walks away and Slater is RKOed through his salad. Orton even eats some lettuce.
Here’s Roman Reigns to address what happened last week. He wants to fight right now so get out here Big Show. Instead he gets Bo Dallas, who quotes Yoda from Star Wars Episode I, saying that hate leads to suffering. Reigns is suffering after losing at Wrestlemania and is kind of a bust. Despite being Captain Kevlar, Reigns is the Tim Tebow of the WWE: constantly getting chances and screwing up every time. The Superman Punch and spear destroy Dallas as you would expect. Reigns is going to take Big Show out on Sunday, and you can bo-lieve that. I forgot how much I liked Dallas.
Sheamus vs. Zack Ryder
Sheamus says ring the bell and kicks Ryder in the face at three seconds. He slowly turns him over and says that’s too easy. Ryder deserves more than a five second match so Sheamus slowly beats him up in the corner while talking trash on the mic about how the people in this crowd don’t belong in his ring.
That’s a good idea actually as he throws Ryder to the floor and keeps talking about how he’s the real superstar. There’s another Brogue Kick on the floor and Sheamus asks about the New York fighting spirit. He loads up another Brogue Kick but Ziggler runs in for a Zig Zag to send Sheamus running. It’s a DQ win for Sheamus at 3:14 despite the lack of a bell. No rating for obvious reasons.
There’s going to be another live Talk Is Jericho on April 30. The guest: Stephanie McMahon. Just in case you thought the Cena interview was WAY too company friendly.
Here’s Cena for the Open Challenge but first he needs to explain the rules of the Russian Chain match on Sunday. He’ll never give up you see. Rusev is trying to kill the fighting spirit of America but Cena is going to get back up every time he gets knocked down. This Sunday, he’s getting his hand raised and dropping the American flag to prove that Wrestlemania was a statement. As for tonight, someone can come get some but know it’s going to be against a Cena who is ready to fight.
US Title: John Cena vs. Kane
Kane throws Cena around to start and hits the VINTAGE side slam. He kicks Cena to the floor for a nine count and slowly stomps away back inside. Kane follows up the slow stomping with a slow uppercut for two and an elbow gets the same. Cena finally comes back with the ProtoBomb but as is his custom, Kane grabs him by the throat as Cena loads up the Shuffle. Chokeslam gets two but Cena counters the tombstone into the AA for the pin at 6:18. Rollins and the Stooges chuckle in the back.
Rating: D. I’ve seen sparklers with more fire than Kane was showing here. This was five and a half minutes of slow punching before they did the finishing sequence. It doesn’t help that Kane is one of the few people that can bring Cena down to a level that almost no one else can. Bad match here and hopefully the last time they use the open challenge for another story.
Bray Wyatt asks if people want money, power or respect. Most of the time it’s everything, just like whomever he’s talking about. That person can lift all the weights in the world, but he can never lift the weight of his personal failures. After that moment, he’ll see Bray’s face looking own at him. At that moment, the person will learn that everything he has done has been for nothing. Behold the new face of fear.
Post break Kane walks past HHH and snarls.
Miz says the only thing that matters is his new movie and the fact that he did it without a stunt double. Renee cuts him off and says we need to go to John Cena.
Cena was surprised by Kane answering the challenge but says the champ will be here on Sunday. Rusev jumps him with the chain and puts him in the Accolade with the chain around Cena’s face.
Miz vs. Damien Mizdow
The winner gets the Miz brand and Summer Rae is with Mizdow. Mizdow goes for the rollup early on but Miz gets away just in time. Cole talks about someone saying the Miz brand is useless. He doesn’t disagree with the statement of course and just keeps going with the commentary.
Miz gets two off a small package and stomps away in the corner to take over. Mizdow comes back with the Reality Check and a discus clothesline in the corner. The low DDT gets two on Miz but neither guy can hit the Skull Crushing Finale. Summer rakes Mizdow’s eyes, setting up the Skull Crushing Finale from Miz for the pin at 2:47.
Miz loads up his catchphrase but eats an RKO. JBL: “He wouldn’t do that to Brad Pitt!” Booker: “He’d do it to Lorenzo Lamas!”
We run down the Extreme Rules card. Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett is subject to Bryan’s health. Also added is Ambrose vs. Harper in a street fight.
Bray Wyatt asks if people want money, power or respect. Most of the time it’s everything, just like whomever he’s talking about. That person can lift all the weights in the world, but he can never lift the weight of his personal failures. After that moment, he’ll see Bray’s face looking own at him. At that moment, the person will learn that everything he has done has been for nothing. Behold the new face of fear.
Adam Rose vs. Ryback
Rose gets in some shots before Ryback’s two move combination ends this at 1:30.
The hot dog and the banana attack Ryback post match so it’s a double Shell Shock. Ryback: “What did the banana say to the hot dog? Nothing because they just got Shell Shocked!”
Renee Young reads Kane some Tweets from Rollins and the Stooges about Kane being old. Kane goes into the Authority’s locker room and Seth actually says he’s sorry because that was supposed to be a private conversation. The Orton thing has him out of sorts so he’s going to dedicate the match with Ziggler to Kane. The camera follows Rollins and the Stooges out. Orton is watching them.
Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler
Non-title. Rollins hammers away to start but Ziggler grabs his neckbreaker and drops the big elbow for two. A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Ziggler quickly throws him back inside for a suplex. Rollins catapults him into the buckle as we take a break. Back with Rollins slamming Ziggler’s head onto the mat and stomping even more.
We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dolph comes back with the running DDT for two. Rollins gets the same off an enziguri but the Buckle Bomb is countered into a sunset flip. Ziggler hits a sweet superkick for two more but Sheamus comes out for a distraction, allowing Rollins to hit the Buckle Bomb and a snap front DDT (think Christian’s layout reverse DDT but with Dolph facing down) for the pin at 10:35.
Rating: B-. Sheamus interfering made sense but I REALLY hope that isn’t the replacement for the Curb Stomp (which has apparently been banned due to the danger of head injuries). Ziggler is a good opponent for someone like Rollins as a loss to the champ doesn’t hurt anyone and he can make Rollins look good in the process. Good match here but they never hit a higher gear.
Post match HHH comes out and cuts on Rollins’ bragging. Seth takes the mic away and keeps talking about how he’s going to take care of Orton this Sunday. As for Kane, HHH needs to stop……something but an angry Kane cuts him off. Rollins asks the cage to be lowered and of course Orton is inside. Seth tries to run but gets pulled off the top into an RKO to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This show did its job of setting up Extreme Rules, but it doesn’t help that Extreme Rules isn’t the best looking show in the world. What is there on that show that I should be looking forward to? I’ll say this though: I thought the same thing going into Wrestlemania this year and was blown away so maybe they can nail it twice in a row. Tonight’s show wasn’t terrible but it really didn’t have much to keep me interested. Too many short matches or matches that build uninteresting angles. Hopefully Sunday is stronger, as this wasn’t the best show in the world, but the post Europe show rarely works.
Results
Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper went to a no contest
New Day b. Lucha Dragons via countout
Fandango b. Curtis Axel – Last Dance
Naomi b. Brie Bella – Rear View
Sheamus b. Zack Ryder via DQ when Dolph Ziggler interfered
John Cena b. Kane – Attitude Adjustment
Miz b. Damien Mizdow – Skull Crushing Finale
Ryback b. Adam Rose – Shell Shock
Seth Rollins b. Dolph Ziggler – Falling DDT
Monday Night Raw – March 17, 2003: We Must Defend HHH’s Legacy!!!
Monday Night Raw Date: March 17, 2003
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
With two shows to go before Wrestlemania, it’s really hard to care about what’s going on right now. Is it really any wonder why Smackdown was beating them at this point? Rock is trying as hard as he can on these shows but my goodness he needs ANYTHING else to help him carry things. Maybe that can be Shawn vs. Jericho but it would help if they actually did something. Let’s get to it.
We open, again, with Bischoff, who says that his match with Austin will be a handicap match. He makes it even bigger by saying the Raw superstars will be the lumberjacks. Thanks for clarifying that as I was thinking it might be, like, the 1984 Atlanta Hawks or the cast of Tremors: The Series.
Chief Morley/Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane
Morley threatens the Dudleys with SEVERE consequences if they interfere here. The fans chant USA which tells me one of two things: they want Van Dam to win this on his own or they have no idea that Kane is from Spain. The monster slugs Morley down in the corner and drops him with a clothesline before tagging Van Dam in for the first time. Something like Rolling Thunder gets two on Morley but he drops Van Dam on the top rope to take over.
Rob’s attempts at speeding things up again are broken up by Lance grabbing his leg (clearly still mad at Rob’s post match promo at Barely Legal), allowing the Chief to get two off a good DDT. Morley shows some intelligence by going after the legs but Rob gets two off a rollup and brings Kane back in. Storm gets a tag as well and Kane beats him up as a greeting. The top rope clothesline plants Storm but Morley makes the save, only to get kicked in the face by Van Dam. Everything breaks down and Kane chokeslams Storm for the pin.
Rating: C. I’m so glad Vitamin C beat Kane and Van Dam last week. It makes so much more sense after this match you see. Kane and Van Dam are one of the hottest acts on the show and thankfully they’re getting a nice push as a result. I mean, I can’t picture them taking the titles off of whatever combination of Morley/Storm/Regal winds up with the belts but they’re hot at the moment and make for a good opening match.
Morley rolls away from a post match Five Star but the Dudleys come out…..and put Kane through a table. Well of course they do.
Post break the Dudleys say they hate what they just had to do but need to feed their families. Simple story but at least it makes sense and was an actual explanation for a change.
Here are HHH and Flair with something to say. The champ doesn’t like the idea of Booker thinking that he deserves a title shot so get out here right now and take this beating like a man. Instead he gets Goldust, which isn’t exactly what he had in mind. JR screams that he’s back despite being on the show last week. Goldust says that HHH’s performance may have been Oscar worthy, but deep down (“down there”) in the cock cock cockles of his heart, he must know that you can’t judge a book by its cornbread. This still isn’t funny if that wasn’t clear.
HHH and Flair crack up and HHH imitates the catchphrases with the stutter, so Goldust lays both guys out. That lasts as long as you would expect it to but Booker T. comes out to save us from the stupid angle and Goldust from a Pedigree. They do realize the WORLD TITLE match is in 13 days right? And this is the best they can do? Goldust saying unfunny lines after being electrocuted is supposed to set up a World Title match at the biggest show of the year? I’m starting to understand why this show is so hated.
HHH wants Goldust later tonight.
Rico vs. Maven
You can literally see them going to the concession stands as the bell rings. They trade headlocks to start and Maven shifts over into an armbar. Can you blame the sudden nacho runs? Oh wait let’s cut to Rock arriving, which is probably more interesting than what we’ve got going on here. Rico scores with some kicks, aided by a cheap shot from Jamal and Rosey. Maven comes back with kicks and a neckbreaker, followed by a bulldog for two. More 3MW interference sets up a neckbreaker but Maven counters into a backslide for the pin.
Rating: D-. Oh just…..yeah. This is another good example of having no idea what else to do with your two hours so they just throw two guys out there to kill the crowd. Maybe it would help if you had some stories to tell instead of HHH crushing everyone in sight and Rock having to do whatever he can to drag a bored Austin to one last match. Or maybe you could have a midcard title instead of having HHH be CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING.
Shawn and Austin had a discussion about Shawn being a lumberjack. This is news, despite Bischoff saying the entire roster would be at ringside. Austin, as expected, really doesn’t care.
Teddy Long tells Rock that Rodney Mack will take care of Hurricane next. Rodney Mack says the same thing, marking the biggest moment of his career: that time he was on camera with the Rock.
Hurricane vs. Rodney Mack
Mack gets rolled up for an early two and Hurricane elbows him in the jaw for good measure, only to have Teddy Long grab his foot to break it up. Rodney drops some elbows for two but Hurricane hits his usual, including the Shining Wizard. The high cross body and Blockbuster look to set up the chokeslam but Rock runs in for the DQ. This is where the booking goes out the window as there was no reason for Hurricane to not get a pin here. The DQ was just a waste, but at least Hurricane didn’t get pinned.
Rock beats him down post match with stomps and a chair. The idea is supposed to be that Rock is losing his cool over Austin, which they’re somehow doing without having Austin show up that often.
Jazz/Trish Stratus vs. Victoria/Steven Richards
Trish vs. Victoria vs. Jazz is set for Wrestlemania. Maybe this match can go on longer than 20 seconds. Before the match we get a creepy video of Victoria sounding like she wants to sleep with the title. Jazz and Victoria slap it out to start with the former getting the better of it but Victoria gets two off a powerslam. That’s fine with Jazz who gets the same result off the same move, but shockingly enough, NO ONE CARES ABOUT JAZZ. Off to Trish to wake the fans up a bit, including due to a Chick Kick for two.
A victory roll is quickly countered with a faceplant as Lawler says he’d always hook Trish’s leg. Steven tries to get involved and gets Victoria’s head shoved into his crotch. The Stratusphere takes Steven down but Victoria throws her around by the hair. Lawler freaks out over a shot of Trish’s chest but she avoids a slingshot legdrop. Richards crotches himself in the corner and Jazz short arms Trish on a tag attempt. A Sky High from Richards sets up the Widow’s Peak to give Victoria the pin.
Rating: D+. Was there really no one else they could put in this story other than Jazz? The fans like Victoria and Trish but my goodness they just died once Jazz came in. Oh and then she walked out on the match and fans still didn’t care. There are some wrestlers that fans just can’t get behind no matter what and Jazz is one of them.
Jeff Hardy runs out to save Trish and gets a kiss for his efforts.
Video on Shawn’s career at Wrestlemania, which is the biggest night of the year for him. This was around the time where he started being considered Mr. Wrestlemania.
Chris Jericho says he wanted to be Shawn Michaels but now he wants to end him.
Stacy tells Test that she’s found him a perfect tag partner and leaves. Test has Torrie Wilson’s Playboy and has to hide it from her. To recap, Test is dating Stacy Keibler and we’re supposed to feel sorry for him.
Test/Scott Steiner vs. Christian/Chris Jericho
Oh man it’s the start of THIS story. Test charges the ring to start and elbows Jericho in the face. Steiner gets in some shots on the floor but it’s quickly off to Christian, who eats a shoulder as well. We get the tag to Steiner, who somehow was in the World Title scene just a few weeks ago. The flexing elbow into push-ups gets two and it’s back to Test. Keeping Steiner out of the ring most of the time is a good thing for this match.
Jericho gets in a cheap shot from the apron, allowing Christian to hit a spinwheel kick on Test. That advantage goes nowhere as it’s already back to Steiner for Rick Steiner’s powerslam/backdrop on Christian. Scared to death of the idea of having to deal with Scott Steiner, Christian grabs the referee and kicks Scott low before bringing Chris back in. That earns the king of the world a belly to belly (that’s one) and another tag brings in Test.
Jericho quickly escapes a powerbomb and everything breaks down. The evil Canadians are sent into each other and Test’s pumphandle slam plants Jericho but Christian makes the save. Belly to belly #2 sends Jericho flying but this time the powerbomb connects with Christian breaking up another save. Christian goes after Stacy and Steiner makes the save, only to have Test get distracted, allowing Jericho to grab a rollup for the pin.
Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible but why is Jericho feuding with Test instead of Shawn Michaels, as in the guy he’s fighting at WRESTLEMANIA in two weeks? This was nothing special or even good for the most part with the majority of the match being spent on wasting time until we finally got to the point. As mentioned, Steiner has fallen a long way in just a few weeks and it’s not likely to get better anytime soon.
HHH vs. Goldust
Non-title of course. Booker and Flair are the seconds as WWE suddenly remembers that HHH and Booker are fighting soon. Feeling out process to start until Goldust hits him in the face for the first shot. More right hands from Goldust set up a right hand from HHH to take over as it’s pretty clear they’re not in the mood to try here. HHH sends the injured (from the electrocution) arm into the post a few times and we hit the armbar. Goldust starts fighting back but that’s too threatening to HHH’s legacy as a main event star so he plants Goldust with the spinebuster.
Something like a Boss Man Slam puts HHH down and Goldust gets two off a clothesline. Again HHH feels the power of insecurity and sends Goldust outside where Booker beats up Flair. The injured Randy Orton gets in a crutch shot from the crowd to knock Booker silly but Goldust hits the bulldog on HHH. The arm gives out before he can try Shattered Dreams and it’s jumping knee into the Pedigree to give HHH the soul redeeming pin.
Rating: D. I don’t know about you, but I feel so much better now that HHH has overcome career midcarder Goldust and his neurological issues. It was getting pretty dicey there and you could see HHH’s entire Hall of Fame career melting away every second he was down from a clothesline. I mean……HE WAS HAVING TO SELL SOMETHING! Oh and get used to seeing Booker down and out like that, because you know that’s what’s coming at Wrestlemania.
Bischoff is warming up when Rock comes in with his guitar to sing about beating up Hurricane. Rock is thinking about having a Rock Concert right here in St. Louis but there are too many ugly women in this town. Next week in Sacramento sounds a bit better. What doesn’t sound better is having a lumberjack match, because all those guys around the ring make Bischoff look bad.
Instead, make it No DQ and Rock will be there to have Bischoff’s back. So why set up the lumberjack match in the first place??? Just set up the No DQ and go with that. It’s like changing Smackdown matches today: just get it right in the first place and you won’t have to keep pulling these bait and switches.
Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff
No DQ and Morley is with Bischoff. Eric wisely runs away to start so Austin beats up Morley as a warm-up. A right hand puts Bischoff down and the mudhole is stomped. He puts Eric in a Boston crab of all things but Morley offers a distraction for the break. That’s not enough for the Chief as he comes in for a low blow but Austin easily beats them both up. Cue Rock for a Stunner on Austin but Bischoff can only get two. Rock comes back in to stomp on Austin but misses the Elbow. A clothesline sends Rock to the floor and Morley and Bischoff both get Stunners for the pin.
Rating: F. Yeah whatever. What else do you want me to say here? The only note: this was Austin’s last match on Raw to date and likely ever. That’s how Austin, the greatest superstar of this era, goes out: beating up Bischoff and Val Venis in a nothing match to set up a match at Wrestlemania. It kind of makes you think that you never know when you’ll never see these guys in the ring again.
Austin gets a Rock Bottom and Rock sips at a beer to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. How in the world was this leading up to one of the best Wrestlemanias of all time? These shows lately have been horrible and it’s like they have no idea what they’re doing going forward. Shawn vs. Jericho is barely getting any build other than the superkick last week and HHH is squashing everyone he can find while Booker is lucky to win a tag match. Nothing to see on this show and it’s becoming very clear why this show is so loathed among fans.
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Reviewing the Review: Monday Night Raw – April 13, 2015
Maybe I can start getting these things done before the next show starts. We’re firmly into the Extreme Rules build now, and by firmly into I mean we’re almost to the show. Therefore we need some stipulations for the big matches but we’re taped, meaning it’s not likely to be the most thrilling show. Let’s get to it.
Cena opened things up with the Open Challenge for the US Title and beat Bad News Barrett in a decent enough match. These two have fought so many times over the years that it’s kind of hard to care anymore, but at least the Challenges are doing their job. I’d like to see someone from NXT debut through one and hopefully they continue after Extreme Rules. Speaking of after, Rusev came out and blasted Cena with a chain to set up a Russian Chain match for the PPV. It makes sense given Rusev being involved but these matches have a high rate of suck more often than not.
Paige won a Divas Battle Royal for the #1 contendership to give the fans something to cheer. Naomi then turned heel and beat her down so Paige can go off to make a movie. They REALLY need to stop building people up and then send them away for six weeks to make a movie that 87 people might see. Or maybe they should stop with the bad movies and just do what they did before: pick a movie that is going to be seen and slap their name on it.
On top of that, as I went on about on Smackdown, who does this leave as a face Diva? Emma? Fox is acting like a heel and turns every four days anyway, the Bellas, Cameron and Naomi are confirmed heels and Paige is leaving. Are they really hoping that a returning Layla is going to be a big deal? Natalya is supposed to be a heel but wrestles like a face because her psychology is all messed up, but she’s awesome. Right?
Bray Wyatt has a new target. Yeah whatever. Go win a big match already.
The Lucha Dragons beat up the Ascension because that’s what they do. They did it in NXT and they’re doing it on Raw. I still feel bad for Ascension but they were dead in the water months ago.
Roman Reigns came out and talked about going to Suplex City until Big Show came out to continue THE STUPIDEST FEUD IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Show beat him up on the props but Roman kept getting up. Indeed, it’s for a last man standing match. Of all the things I’d love to grab Vince by the throat for and shout at him about, keeping Big Show in this spot is one of them. How can they possibly think that beating up Big Show over and over and over and over and over and over and I think you get the point by now, is going to help Reigns look like a big deal?
Orton beat Cesaro via DQ to earn the right to pick a stipulation, but then Kane came out to make sure the Tag Team Champions were hurt as much as they could and made Orton vs. both of them. As you would expect, Orton beat both of them in one match because he could. By this point, this show was starting to make my head hurt.
Rollins yelled at Kane and teased getting him fired by the Authority. So yes, the two stories that are being built up are the Divas battle royal from last week and what seems like another Kane face turn. BECAUSE THAT CREATES RATINGS BECAUSE KANE IS BIG! LIKE BIG SHOW!!! Rollins wants Kane to lay down later. One last thing though: Rollins emasculates Kane and it seems like he’s going to rise up because of it. Stephanie emasculates people and they get to stand there and take it.
Dean Ambrose beat Adam Rose to remind us that Dean Ambrose does in fact exist.
Big Show tried to talk Kane out of turning on the Authority. Bryan would do the opposite later, but Bryan brought up the Fingerpoke of Doom because we must make fun of WCW, despite a lot of the fans not even being alive for that moment. But hey, it makes Vince smile at his past accomplishments and that’s what we need to do.
Fandango beat Stardust in a filler match which set up Fandango turning face and dumping Rosa. I highly doubt this is the big career saver he’s needing.
Kane beat up Rollins and the Stooges before laying down for him. For the thousandth time, no one cares about Kane in this role.
Mizdow beat Miz in another short match to set up a big match later on, because that’s how WWE works.
The Prime Time Players kept making fun of other tag teams. I’ve gone into this in depth elsewhere, but this is the best thing that has ever happened to these guys.
Ryback beat Luke Harper in yet another short match because we need time for Kane segments.
Naomi explains that she’s tired of getting passed up for people like AJ. Thankfully it wasn’t another IT’S ALL ABOUT ME character but my goodness this division is dying for faces. It’s interesting that they keep mentioning AJ’s name.
Dolph Ziggler beat Neville in another entertaining match. This is the Mighty Mouse gimmick that everyone who didn’t think the thing through was terrified of.
Rollins and Orton announced that it’s going to be a cage match with the RKO banned. Ok then. Seriously that was my reaction. A brawl ended the show.
This show pretty much just came and went. There’s not much going on at the moment that makes me want to see the next show, but there’s a difference between being horrible and just being dull. They really need to get past the Wrestlemania rematches, but we’re likely getting ready for yet another round of these matches in May. Hopefully that means a strong start to the summer, but this was really nothing worth seeing. Neville is still a high spot though and could mean something big later on. Not much to see this week, except for the dozens and dozens of Kane and Big Show fans out there.
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Monday Night Raw – March 10, 2003: Rock You Like A Hurricane/Rash
Monday Night Raw Date: March 10, 2003
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
We’re getting closer and closer to Wrestlemania XIX and in theory we should have the main events for Raw set by now, but for some reason we need Rock vs. Booker T. here to establish what has already been established. You can’t say WWE in 2003 was the most logical place in the world. Let’s get to it.
Bischoff is with the roster and tells them to not attack Austin any more as he wants this over. Rock strolls in and says the match with Booker isn’t happening because he doesn’t want the World Title. And there’s the bait and switch. Logical but still a bait and switch.
Christian/Chris Jericho vs. Kane/Rob Van Dam
Van Dam and Christian get things going with Christian getting kicked in the face to send him running over to Jericho for a tag. Chris has some better success (no surprise there) with a forearm to Van Dam’s head, only to spend too much time talking trash, allowing Van Dam to dropkick him out of the air. Off to Kane for the flying clothesline before it’s back to the starters for another kick from Van Dam. Rolling Thunder gets two as Jericho sends Kane into the steps. The Five Star hits Christian but Jericho nails the Lionsault as Rob is holding his ribs for the pin.
Rating: C-. Not much to see here due to the time but it was really there for the post match stuff anyway. These were the two best teams on Raw at the time, which says a lot about the way the show was set up. The match didn’t have time to go anywhere, but Jericho taking advantage of a downed Rob made perfect sense.
Jericho goes to leave but gets knocked back through the curtain by Sweet Chin Music. Shawn leans over Jericho and says he’ll see him at Wrestlemania. That’s one of my all time favorite moments to set up a match.
Here’s Booker T. with something to say. He’s disappointed that Rock doesn’t want to fight, but he wants to address what HHH said last week. HHH said that Booker T. was just here as an entertainer destined to lose. It’s true that he’s here to entertain these fans 24/7. JR: “What’s wrong with that?” Lawler: “Nothing sucka.” Booker talks about being the youngest of eight kids in a one parent household. He made a lot of mistakes and one of them put him behind bars for armed robbery.
Then he rose up out of that cell and decided to make something of himself. He starts mumbling and rambling and you can hear the fans losing interest. Finally he gets back to the point by asking HHH to come out here so Booker can dance all over his face, but here’s Flair instead. Naitch says Booker isn’t Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods or HHH and being in jail 19 months doesn’t make him anything. Booker has been dealt the biggest card of his career, but it doesn’t say World Heavyweight Champion (good line).
HHH didn’t want to lower himself so he sent Flair out here with a message: next week in the bright lights and big city of St. Louis (which isn’t as big as Cleveland), Booker T. can be their chauffeur. Or he can come out here next week and try to fight HHH and get the beating he deserves. That earns Flair a right hand and we go to a break. This story is already dead in the water as they’ve had to bail on the racism angle in the name of good taste, but Booker blew the big promo here with his rambling. Again though, this could all be redeemed with Booker winning the title.
Post commercial, Booker goes into the Evolution locker room where the champ tells him to give him a towel. Booker slams a door on HHH’s head for good measure. After another break, HHH tells Flair that Booker hit him from behind.
Jeff Hardy vs. Rico
The bell rings and we cut to the back to see Austin arriving. Rico takes over with some kicks and gets two off something like a Backstabber. The Whisper in the Wind drops Rico but Jeff dives onto 3 Minute Warning instead of following up. Not that it matters as Jeff rolls Rico up for the pin. Kind of a weird match, which is hard to do in ninety seconds.
HHH yells at Maven for being a wannabe and beats up a production guy. Maven doth protest and we have a match for later. Not exactly Rock and Hurricane from a few weeks back.
Stuttering Goldust tells Austin that Bischoff is looking for him.
Rock thinks his locker room sucks and that Lebron James is going to stay in Cleveland instead of coming here. He grabs the guitar and sings about how much he can’t stand this town (“Cleveland doesn’t rock but it totally sucks!”). Hurricane comes in and they’re having a match tonight. Rock likes the idea of superhero vs. superhero in the biggest match in the history of Raw. It’s No DQ, meaning all superpowers go.
Rock is going to use his x-ray vision, heat vision and cable vision. He asks what powers the Hambugular is going to use: throwing chicken nuggets? Hurricane promises to use the hurri-powers but Rock goes into a diatribe about how he isn’t scared of Austin. The green one brings up the Scorpion King’s tiny ding-a-ling. Rock: “Yeah and NO NO NO!” Rock goes to leave but gets in cheap shot first. Notice that Hurricane got in a bunch of good lines before Rock laid him out instead of HHH just treating Maven like a joke.
Trish Stratus vs. Jazz
#1 contenders match but Victoria comes in for the double DQ before Jerry can even get in a single puppy joke.
Here’s Bischoff in the ring for a chat. Last week he wanted Austin to be beaten into a bloody pulp but it was just his personal feelings talking. He’s sorry for firing Austin from WCW and thinking there was no future in him. After all, Bischoff is the reason Stone Cold happened right? Austin should come out here right now and bury the hatchet, so here’s Austin as per Bischoff’s request. After saying he finds Bischoff’s line of thinking funny, he flips him off instead of accepting a handshake. That shouldn’t surprise anyone but Bischoff didn’t seem to see it coming. I love overly confident heels.
Cue the Rock to save Bischoff and to spout some catchphrases, but Austin tells him to come down here and say it to his face. They trade some insults until Austin lays down and tells Rock to try and pin him for a change (burn). Austin isn’t leaving without beating someone up so he stomps Bischoff down. Rock, suddenly Bischoff’s best friend, comes down for a save but gets turned back by a hard stare.
HHH vs. Maven
Non-title. The beating starts early with HHH throwing him to the floor and sending Maven into the steps. A clothesline and choking have Maven in even more trouble before HHH stops the comeback with the sleeper. I really can’t believe he thought he could get that over in 2003. Two more Maven comebacks are stopped by a spinebuster and Pedigree to FINALLY stop this squash.
Rating: D-. We get it: HHH is better than Maven. I’m so glad we spent five minutes proving that point because we never would have known the truth otherwise. I mean, who needs a main event star who isn’t going to lose anything by mixing it up with a midcarder spending time putting someone over before they’re in a huge match in two weeks?
Al Snow comes out and gets beaten down for trying to help Maven. This is SO making me want to see more HHH. I mean, beating up jobbers and rookies? Sign me up!
Bischoff and Morely are annoyed with Austin so next week it’s a No Way Out rematch with Austin vs. Bischoff under Eric’s rules.
Stacy finds out that Test, out with an injury, is already at the Girls Gone Wild show.
Austin likes the idea and has Scott Steiner next to him for no apparent reason.
D-Von Dudley vs. Lance Storm/Chief Morely
Morely says that if D-Von wins the other Dudleys are back but if they interfere, they’re still suspended. Oh joy indeed. D-Von rolls Morely up for two and a DDT gets the same. Off to Storm who walks into a flapjack but gets D-Von over to the corner. Morely gets in a shot to the back, setting up a superkick and the Money Shot for the fast pin. So this feud CONTINUES!
It’s time for a wet t-shirt contest to set up the Girls Gone Wild pay per view this weekend. Naturally Jerry Lawler is hosting for Stacy Keibler and four random girls. Stacy sprays the girls, tells everyone to watch the show this weekend, and has Jerry spray her legs and, ahem, elsewhere. Total waste of time but Stacy looked good.
The Rock vs. Hurricane
No DQ. JR tells us to send the women and children to bed. Are they not allowed to see what should be a squash? Rock sends him into the corner to start and slaps Hurricane in the eye. Hurricane comes back with some right hands to send him outside before throwing him back in, only to get caught in a Samoan drop, earning Hurricane some polite applause. He puts on Hurricane’s cape but gets punched in the face again.
Rock takes Hurricane’s head off with a clothesline though, setting up a suplex for two. The beatdown continues in the corner and Rock pretends to fly because he’s that awesome. We hit the chinlock and Rock is AGHAST that fans think he sucks. Hurricane fights up and grabs a swinging neckbreaker but Lawler says he should just tap right now. They slug it out with Hurricane nailing a clothesline and a Shining Wizard followed by a high cross body for two.
Something like a Blockbuster gets two more but Rock hits the DDT and instantly nips up into the Hurricane pose. The Rock Bottom and chokeslam are countered (JR: “Hurricane is like a rash!”) so Hurricane kicks him low and hits the chokeslam for a delayed two. Rock plants him with the spinebuster but here’s Austin as the Elbow is about to drop. In the distraction, Hurricane grabs a rollup for the biggest pin of his career.
Rating: C+. And again, Rock proves why he’s better than HHH. I’m not saying HHH should have gotten pinned by Maven, but my goodness did we need to sit through a five minute squash which didn’t do anything other than prove that HHH, the World Heavyweight Champion, is awesome?
On the other hand, the Rock does a quick job for Hurricane, which no one other than Hurricane is going to remember in two weeks because Rock is in the main event of Wrestlemania. Rock gains nothing by winning here, but Hurricane looks like legit for one night and they pay off the feud between the two of them. It’s the difference between just HHH winning and everyone, including the fans, winning, despite Rock and HHH both being heels.
Overall Rating: D. Rock is trying as hard as he can out there but there’s just NOTHING around him to help pick up the rest of the show. What is the second best feud on this show? Shawn vs. Jericho I guess, with their ten seconds of interaction tonight. The rest of the show is just so uninteresting as only the main events matter at Wrestlemania and half of them are on Smackdown. Bad show here but Rock was trying really hard. Oh and where did Booker T. go after he slammed the door on HHH’s head? He just disappeared after that.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at: