Monday Night Raw
Date: November 14, 2005
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles

This is the Eddie Guerrero Tribute Show. Eddie passed away I think the previous day in his hotel room, making this obviously not a normal show. It’s an often requested show so I more or less had to do it at some point. The matches mean nothing of course and it’s not like the guys’ heads are on straight. I’ve heard it’s good, so let’s get to it.

Before I get started, I probably should give my thoughts on Eddie as a whole. I never was huge on him. I think he’s a great wrestler and had exceptional talent, but he wasn’t the guy that I saw as this legend that so many people claim him to be. It also strikes me as very ironic that after he passed away he was all of a sudden this tragic figure that was so inspirational to everyone, despite no one seeming to say that while he was alive.

I do not like the way his legacy was exploited in storylines later. I stand by what I say that Eddie Guerrero won the 06 Rumble and beat Orton and Angle in the world title match at Wrestlemania. Rey got his push off the back of Eddie and I can’t stand that at all. I’m not saying it was Rey’s fault, but I’ve never been able to stand the push that he got as well as the constant referencing Eddie when he has nothing to do with the stories. Anyway in short he’s a great wrestler, but not one of the greats. Let’s get to it.

We open with the entire roster standing on the stage to a big Eddie chant. Vince stands in front of them and says that he passed away so tonight we’re going to celebrate his life and career. Everyone is clearly sad but they’re not as shaken up as they probably had been before. Vince asks everyone to stand in silence as they ring the bell ten times which is kind of hard to watch.

There’s a video tribute to Eddie, set to Johnny Cash’s Hurt. Good stuff. Back in the arena Vince says Viva La Raza. BIG Thank You Eddie chant.

We begin the sitting down tributes from the guys, the first being Cena. He talks about how passionate Eddie was and how he mentored Cena as he started here.

First clip is Eddie spraying Big Show with sewage on Smackdown.

Big Show/Kane vs. MNM

The difference in Show’s weight then as compared to now is striking. He is FAT here. He’s still big today but he doesn’t look like he’s retaining water. I probably shouldn’t notice this here but Lillian is smoking in that little black dress. Both teams are tag champions on their respective shows with Show/Kane being on Raw. Show vs. Nitro starts us off and we unleash the chops.

Kane goes up for the clothesline but the two M’s take care of the big friend freak and Nitro gets a shot in to Kane with a belt to get two. MNM can’t suplex Kane so he throws them around instead. Off to Show and the beating begins again. Show massacres them as Melina gets up on the apron. She gets a kiss and Mercury gets the Kane clothesline. Double chokeslam ENDS Nitro for the pin.

Rating: C-. If I didn’t mention this before, the ratings here aren’t ones that should be taken seriously. The guys aren’t really thinking clearly probably and the matches aren’t going to mean anything in the long run. MNM would get better but their successors, Miz and Morrison would work better. This was ok for a semi-squash though.

Lillian tells a story about being in Eddie’s group in Iraq last year. She speaks some Spanish, saying she’ll see him again someday.

We get a clip of Eddie talking about auctioning off a bunch of Kurt’s stuff which is similar to the way Cryme Tyme would sell stuff off. Funny bit.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Kurt Angle

This works. Angle is in the black tonight so you can tell he’s being serious. Angle takes a quick knee to pray a bit before we start. Angle takes him to the mat almost immediately so Shelton starts using the ropes to his advantage and we have a standoff. I love watching Angle hit belly to bellies. Angle gets a chinlock and calls some spots a bit too loudly.

Benjamin counters a suplex and hooks a DDT to put both guys down. It’s so odd to hear Joey talking about Kurt Angle for some reason. We crank it up a bit but Shelton breaks out a Samoan Drop of all things but he can’t get the T-Bone. Dragon Whip works instead for a close two. Running corner suplex is blocked and Benjamin gets a HUGE clothesline off the top for two.

Angle is like boy I’m Kurt Angle and busts out the Germans and the Angle Slam for only two of course. Shelton blocks a moonsault and hits a release German off the top! SICK bump there. Somehow it only gets two and as Shelton complains about the count Angle grabs the ankle and gets the grapevine. Since Shelton isn’t the Undertaker, that ends this solid match.

Rating: B-. I really liked this actually. Shelton was the MAN in 2005, more than holding his own by just showing off how awesome he was against far better wrestlers than himself. This was another good match where his inexperience caught up with him but was still pretty freaking sweet. Good match and a lot of fun on a hard show to get through.

I wasn’t kidding on the hard to get through part as this has taken me nearly two days to get this far. Angle holds up the armband with EG on it and is having trouble holding it together.

Shawn talks about how he never wrestled Eddie but has a connection with Eddie as both men were born again Christians. Good little speech here and rather touching. Unless you’re Gregory Helms I guess.

Clips from the Lie Cheat and Steal vignettes which were absolutely hilarious and were actually the parts of Smackdown I was looking forward to most for a few months. It’s so weird to see Vickie as a decent looking woman with red/blonde hair.

Chavo does what is probably the hardest talk of his life as he talks about growing up with Eddie as a brother rather than as his uncle. They were only three years apart so they grew up more or less as brothers. We get a cool story of them wrestling in Chavo Sr.’s promotion in El Paso when they were kids. This is clipped as I’d definitely assume he talked about this for a long time and you know they wouldn’t tell him to wrap it up. This was again hard to sit through.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Mysterio

This should be awesome as well. This is the older version of Rey’s song which is kind of weird to hear now. The new one is way better. Of course they speed things WAY up and neither guy can get an advantage. Coach talks about how tonight the titles and rivalries and brands have been put aside which for once isn’t cheesy as this stuff really does come off as they want to perform in Eddie’s name which is cool to see.

Joey makes a good point: how often do you see Shawn as the bigger and slower guy in a match? Shawn catapults Rey over the top but he hangs on and gets a springboard seated senton for two which Joey calls a Thesz Press for some reason. Shawn avoids a pair of 619s but gets caught with a Pescado as we take a break.

Back with Shawn holding a sleeper. We see a clip of him hitting a spinning neckbreaker during the break. I always like when guys break out random basic moves like those. It’s not like everyone knows five moves and that’s it. Heck even Cena knows six. Shawn controls for the most part here which is weird to see. Shawn beats on him a bit and works Rey’s back.

Rey speeds things up a bit and kicks Shawn in the legs and gets some dropkicks for two. Shawn hits the flying forearm and both guys are down. Coach predicts a nip up. Hey what do you know as he was right. 619 is avoided and a clothesline gets two for Shawn. He liked it I guess so he hits another and Rey is down again. The elbow hits but the Chin Music does not. In a VERY surprising twist, Rey gets a headscissors, hits the 619 and drops the dime on Shawn for the clean pin. WOW.

Rating: B-. Keep in mind that Rey wasn’t a world champion guy at this point so this would be like Kingston pinning Edge clean. It would be a huge win for him which wouldn’t be remembered soon after this due to it being a special night. Still though, this would be a good match either way and the whole thing worked. Something similar would happen the next night as Chavo beat JBL which there wasn’t a thing wrong with at all.

Batista talks about Eddie helping him through a lot of problems including some personal problems. Eddie was in a lot of pain but would go out there every night for the fans and entertain them as well as he could.

Another Eddie video to Hurt which might be the same one from earlier. Yeah it’s the same one.

Diva Battle Royal

Ashley, Maria, Christy, Victoria, Melina, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, Candace Michelle, Trish Stratus

Mickie was still psycho at this point and didn’t have her usual personality here. Trish is Women’s Champion here and they’re all in Eddie shirts. All the shirts come off at once in one of the best parts of the night. Everyone pairs off except for I think that’s Maria. Sweet goodness how hot was Christy?

Mickie gets a sweet headscissors to show off her sweeter thong but goes out as a result. As does Jillian. Maria is kind of standing off to the side and stealing shots when she can. Ashley goes out by Victoria and Candace. Victoria and Melina try to take out Trish but runs into the Matrish which is awesome. Candace punches Christy to the floor.

We’re down to Victoria, Trish, Maria, Melina and Candace. Trish gets the headscissors to put Candace out. Maria sneaks up on Victoria to put her out. She’s the ditzy chick here so this is surprising. Melina and Trish look at her and throw her out with ease. Stratusfaction is blocked and Melina shoves her out for the surprising win.

Rating: C. Hard to grade again but the girls were rather hot and this was the only storyline thing they did all night which I can certainly live with. They were trying to find someone for Trish to feud with while Mickie got ready so there wasn’t much going on here at all. Hot girls though so no complaints on that end.

Rey talks about missing Eddie as he is clearly not sure what to say at first but it starts coming out. His is clipped a bit also as there’s also the possibility that they said something personal that they don’t want airing on national TV. Totally understandable if that’s the case. He stops talking for awhile and says that everyone is going to miss Eddie and his presence. Rey has to keep pausing during this as he can’t keep talking.

We see one of Eddie’s biggest moments as he and Benoit hugged with both of them as world champions to end Wrestlemania 20. That was a huge moment in retrospect as the smaller and “less marketable” stars were at the top of the company and were completely accepted as the top guys on the roster. Really an amazing moments and the peaks of both of their careers.

Simon Dean vs. Eugene

Dean is the fitness guy played by Nova. This is a comedy match if you didn’t get that. They get in a pushup contest and Eugene does his JYD headbutts. Back in the ring after a brief skirmish on the floor. Dean hits a chinlock and Eugene Hulks Up and hits an Airplane Spin. Dean accidentally slingshots himself into the buckle with his stretch bands and a Rock Bottom ends this. No rating but this was rather funny at times and you can’t complain for a second about a match like this on a show like this.

Chris Benoit talks and this is the big one here for the most part as these two were more or less inseparable throughout their mainstream careers. Benoit talks about being able to pour his heart out to Eddie and get help whenever he needed it from him. Benoit talks directly to Eddie and breaks down in tears that are bordering on wailing. The emotion here is real as allegedly the diaries found at Benoit’s murder scene were filled with writing about how he missed Eddie so much. It’s so….so…..I’m not sure what the right word is to think that you might have just seen the moment that sent Benoit beyond the point of return.

HHH talks about how great Eddie was in the ring and how great of a performer he was. He talks about how Eddie overcame his demons and beat every single one of them which from what I’ve heard was completely true and that he had been clean and sober for four years when he passed away which is a very good thing to hear.

Ric Flair vs. William Regal

Flair is the Intercontinental Champion here but this is of course non-title. This is a very old school style match with Flair hooking an abdominal stretch and cheating. This is less of a match and more of a how to have a Ric Flair match. Regal unlaces Flair’s boot which is a new one for me I think. Regal hammers away for a bit and sends Flair to the floor. And never mind as Flair gets some chops and goes for the knee as the Figure Four ends it with relative ease. No rating here as it was little more than a long practice for Flair.

Stephanie talks about first meeting Eddie when Eddie was thinking about making the jump to WWF. Eddie was apparently very humble which is a recurring line tonight. She talks about talking to Eddie on Friday where he talked about winning the title again. Allegedly, and I’ve never heard this confirmed for sure, Eddie was supposed to win the title on the upcoming Smackdown as Batista was injured. Supposedly Stephanie confirmed that here but I didn’t hear that from her here.

We get some more Eddie stuff including him accidentally winning the IC Title (in Lexington) which was one of the oddest title changes ever but it worked perfectly in a weird wrestling way.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Cena is world champion. Orton actually wears his own shirt here which is a first tonight I think. Cena wrestles in the shirt which is a nice little touch. Since there is zero point to this being a real match it’s an extended highlight reel from these two. It doesn’t even break four minutes as Cena cranks things up and then Bob Orton runs in for the DQ to break up the FU. No rating again as about ¼ was chinlock. Cena gets the FU anyway. In a classy move Cena takes off his shirt and leaves it and the title on the mat to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. This was a very fine show tribute aside. There were some very good matches, but again that’s not something that mattered here. This was about a show in memory of a great wrestler that suddenly passed away. I do have issues with Eddie’s death as it was brought on by years of substance abuse, but the fact that he got clean means a lot and is a great story indeed.

This was a very good show, but again it’s hard to sit through until I just rammed through it one night. It got to me, which isn’t something that happens often. The wrestling was good and having the comedy match on there was a nice touch as comedy was a big part of Eddie’s style at various times. He was indeed great and this was a very well done tribute to him as it felt genuine rather than something thrown together. Well done and a very good show, but I wouldn’t recommend watching it unless you can take some hard emotions along with it.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve got a good bit going on tonight, with the main thing being that Jerry Lawler is back from his very real heart attack. On top of that we’ve got the Ryback vs. Brad Maddox challenge match where if Maddox wins he gets a million dollar contract. Finally it’s the go home Raw for Survivor Series which is always interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual VETERANS ARE AWESOME video, narrated by Cena of course. Can’t complain much about this.

They do the stupid voiceover stuff here, this time about Lawler coming back for the first time tonight. This immediately transitions into a video on Cena/AJ/Vickie. You know, because a fake affair between two people who are single in both real life and in storyline is the same as a man nearly dying.

Cena vs. Punk tonight.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

For some annoying reason, we hear about the rivalry between Del Rio and Orton. There is NO reason for that feud to exist anymore. Period. None. Think about it: why should I as a fan care about any of the matches between them if there’s seemingly no blowoff anywhere in sight? This is part of Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley. Have Foley and Ziggler ever even spoken to each other on television? If so has it been in the last year?

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking over by throwing Dolph into the air. A slingshot suplex gets two for the Viper but he misses a charge and gets dropkicked down for two. JR talks about how Orton was the sole survivor in 2004 and 2005 and made his name in Survivor Series matches. He was the sole survivor in 2003 as well so he really started making his name there but who’s counting?

Off to a chinlock but Orton easily suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines. There’s the Elevated DDT and here’s Del Rio for a distraction. Orton knocks Alberto to the floor and counters the Zig Zag into a rollup for the pin at 3:16. I know they want to make him the new Austin but isn’t that quite a stretch?

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match that I can’t stand rating due to how short it is. I usually only rate matches that run three minutes or more, so this barely qualifies as a ratable match. It’s your standard preview for the Survivor Series match, which means it’s not that good. Ziggler has to lose again of course though.

Post match Orton gets triple teamed until Kofi makes the save. This brings out Teddy Long who makes a tag match. Since Vickie is busy with AJ, Teddy grants himself power because it’s a Super Show. Is it even called that anymore?

Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Dolph and Kofi start things off of course, which is probably the right idea given how good they are together. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Alberto hammering away on Kofi before it’s back to Ziggler. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down again and it’s off to the handstand chinlock. That stays on for a minute or so before Kofi fights out of it and makes the hot tag to Randy who gets to fight Del Rio. Everything breaks down and things start getting good. SOS gets two on Del Rio and Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise, but a Ricardo distraction lets Del Rio kick Kofi in the head for the pin at 4:37 shown of 8:07.

Rating: C. Better match than the first one, but did they really have to do THE EXACT SAME FINISH in the span of ten minutes? Are they that creatively bankrupt that they can’t come up with anything else? This was nothing of note until the end where things sped up, but most of the match was in the commercial so what is there for me to grade anyway?

Orton stares at Del Rio because there’s no end to this feud in sight because that’s how WWE works anymore.

Post break here’s Vickie with Ziggler, who is now in his THIRD STRAIGHT SEGMENT. Sweet goodness people you have three hours of Raw a week and THIS is how you use it? I like Ziggler but this is like Jerry Lawler on Memphis TV. He talks about the AJ scandal and we recap the pictures and video from the last few weeks. Vickie says that AJ has said that if they’re every in the same ring, the beating will be awesome.

Vickie calls out AJ and cuts her off, demanding an admission of guilt. AJ says she didn’t do it and GET THE HECK ON WITH IT. This goes on forever with Vickie saying that AJ has to admit the affair or something bad will happen and I zone out. AJ says she admits….that they’re just friends. OH SCREW THIS STORY.

I mean seriously, WHAT is this leading to? Vickie vs. AJ? That’s the payoff of this? Cena and Ziggler aren’t even fighting anymore and who cares? AJ says this is about Vickie getting passed over for the GM job at Raw 1000 and how AJ has abused her twice in the ring. AJ says that Vickie is throwing her weight around and we get a fat joke. Vickie has voicemails that may or may not have been doctored and this story just keeps going. One voicemail is just AJ talking to John, whoever that is.

A second talks about AJ and someone needing to stop this but again no name is given. AJ looks concerned after the third one, saying Vickie hacked into Cena’s phone and edited those together. AJ is about to yell when Ziggler cuts her off. Cena finally comes out and beats up Ziggler. Again, if that was the match on Sunday, this would be more acceptable. Still bad, but acceptable. Unfortunately, this ISN’T the match on Sunday and therefore is a BIG FREAKING WASTE OF TIME. This segment was nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES LONG.

Cole and JR talk about the veterans a bit and we get a video about them.

Post break it’s MORE CENA AND AJ! They’re in the back and AJ is freaking out. Cena says that there’s nothing going on and not to worry about it. AJ implies that something might happen and Cena blushes a bit. They leave awkwardly as the crowd says ooooo.

We recap the pub fight from last week on Smackdown.

William Regal vs. Big Show

See, this is something where they could mix it up. Make this a world title match. Does it mean much? Not really, but would it hurt anything? Show is supposed to be all dominant so why not give the fans a chance to buy something could happen? It’s not going to hurt a thing but it could make things a tiny bit more interesting. Show pounds away on Regal but Regal keeps that psycho look on his face. A left hand has no effect on Show but Show misses an elbow drop. Regal goes off on Show but it’s a chokeslam for the pin at 1:40. Again, why not make that a title match to give people a reason to watch?

Post match Show loads up the WMD but Sheamus makes the save. Sheamus stomps and pounds on Show so the champion runs.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

The winner gets the shot at Eve on Sunday who is on commentary. It’s one of those worthless forty five second matches (literally) with Kaitlyn countering a cross body out of the corner into a reverse DDT for the pin and the shot at Eve. And people wonder why no one cares about the Divas.

We get a video from two months ago where Lawler had his heart attack, including audio from the paramedics and backstage footage. Classy people those WWE bosses. I know Lawler is cool with it, but seriously, showing footage of a man almost DYING? Doing an angle in the ring is one thing, but that’s a bit much no?

Cole and JR are in the ring and here’s the return of Jerry Lawler. This is a really cool moment with the fans and announcers legitimately having emotion for someone coming back. Even Cole hugs Jerry which is a pretty big moment. Lawler isn’t sure what to say but he can’t believe he’s really back here. Jerry talks about the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, which is about a man who didn’t know how good he had it until he almost lost it. He thanks the fans for their prayers….and here are Punk and Heyman.

Jerry immediately gets out of the ring and Punk says that he’s glad Jerry got out of the ring, because he would have beaten Lawler to death….again. It’s ok to boo Punk but you can’t get Lawler involved right? Punk talks about how Lawler wants to relive his glory days and fight him but that’s in bad taste too right? Apparently one of the side effects is having a heart attack, and shame on all the people for blaming Punk for the heart attack. It’s all Lawler’s fault apparently because apparently Jerry couldn’t let it go.

Punk is tired of hearing about the number of minutes Punk was dead, but the real number is 358, which is the amount of days he’s been champion. He’s now past Diesel on the all time list, but once he gets past Cena, he’s pretty much done unless he has the title another three years. Punk tells Lawler not to die before the PPV, so Lawler says that Punk’s reign as champion is on life support.

Now we get to the controversial part of the show: Heyman fakes a heart attack. Punk throws up the X and performs CPR and Heyman is fine. It’s time for a little lesson from KB: those of you that were offended by this need to go watch Care Bears because it’s more at your maturity level. This is EXACTLY what people have been wanting for years: more mature storylines. These kind of things would have been tame back in the old days and if you believe Lawler wasn’t giving this the ok the whole time, you’re an idiot.

Punk played on the crowd’s emotions and the people hate him even more now. That’s called working the fans which you NEVER get anymore, and that’s because everyone is afraid of being offended. Was this evil by Punk? Of course it was. Was this playing on peoples’ emotions? Of course it was. Was this a good idea? Of course it was. I mean, it’s almost like Punk is a villain and he’s offended the fans. If only there were people that could avenge Punk by taking away the thing he loves most, say in a triple threat match. At Survivor Series. Available on Pay Per View.

Then, the fans that are glad to see Punk lose could say to their mom: “THAT WAS SO COOL! John Cena beat Punk for the Championship! Can I have a John Cena shirt? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?” It’s almost like it’s SMART BUSINESS. But hey, people might be offended so we should just carry on talking while people ask for more actions which will wind up offending them, because if there’s one thing wrestling fans know, it’s what they want.

Anyway this brings out Mick Foley, as in the guy that Punk STILL isn’t fighting at Survivor Series, but we need to push this story anyway because the idea of changing things on the fly is WAY too freaking complicated for this batch of writers. Foley yells about Punk and Heyman disrespecting the business. Punk: “Take it easy. This man just had a heart attack!” Foley says we’ll get to vote on the final member of the team tonight so Punk makes fun of him.

Foley goes on a BIG rant about how Lawler was dead but he’s back today. Let’s summarize this quickly. Foley: “You have no respect.” Punk: “I don’t just off roofs.” That takes a few minutes before we’re told that Foley is the enforcer for the main event tonight, because that changes SO much. Oh and don’t bother saying Cena’s name here. Innocent people might have kept watching!

Post match Punk rants to Heyman about how everything is falling apart. Heyman says we’re out of options and Punk says to fix it.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico

Lawler is back on commentary officially. It’s Titus vs. Justin to start with O’Neal taking over. There’s the suplex drop with Young landing on Gabriel for two. Off to Epico for a chinlock and here’s Ricardo Rodriguez to give Rosa Mendes a note. She seems excited about what it said as Rey comes in to beat up Primo. A powerbomb by Primo is countered into a rana into the 619 position but Primo rolls to the floor. Rey hits a gorgeous Asai Moonsault as we take a break.

Back with Titus beating on Mysterio on the floor. They head back in for Titus to hit the Nikolai Volkoff gorilla press backbreaker for two. We hit the bearhug for a bit before it’s off to Primo. Rey kicks Primo in the head to put him down but Young gets the tag before Rey can. Scratch that as Kidd gets the tag and things speed up. Kidd kicks Darren in the head and hits a Blockbuster as everything breaks down. Things speed up so fast that I can’t type it all. It’s down to Kidd vs. Young with Tyson countering the Gutbuster into a 619 from Rey followed by the 450 from Gabriel for the pin at 6:31 shown of 10:31.

Rating: C+. This started slow but once Kidd hit the Blockbuster it went INSANE fast. That’s the kind of things WWE should be doing: fast paced tag matches with the guys that are capable of having fast paced tag matches. Start the show with THIS instead of the long and dull matches you did and things get off on a much better foot.

The WWE still loves the troops!

Brad Maddox is in the back when Heyman comes in. He asks the camera to be shut off and the two of them go for a walk.

Miz is in the back on the phone when Ziggler comes in. Dolph says it’s only a matter of time before Miz comes crawling back to the team and they get in an argument. Foley comes up and a tag match between the Rhodes Scholars and Kane/whoever wins the poll is made. Foley says Amy Schmumer, Dolph’s real life ex-girlfriend who broke up with Dolph for being too athletic in bed, says hello. Ziggler leaves and Miz asks to be on the Foley ballot. We have a face turn ladies and gentlemen.

The full ballot: Santino, Ryder, Miz. And WWE has the nerve to complain when we say these polls are dumb.

R-Truth vs. Tensai

Cesaro comes out for commentary as he defends against Truth on Sunday. He makes fun of America for being a joke like Little Jimmy which hasn’t been funny in months. This is joined in progress after a break with Truth fighting out of a chinlock. Tensai fires off some chops to the neck for two and it’s off to an armbar. Truth makes a comeback, hits a dropkick and the ax kick to set up Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:14. This was nothing and I have zero desire to see Cesaro vs. Truth whatsoever.

Post match Cesaro yells at Truth so Truth says knock knock. Apparently Europe in my face is there and on Sunday, Truth is going to knock Cesaro’s teeth into his esophagus.

We get a clip of Ryback vs. Maddox in WWE 13.

Ad for the NWO DVD which doesn’t look that bad. Pay no attention to the clips that are used directly from Monday Night Wars.

We recap Maddox’s explanation and Vince’s announcement last week.

We recap the show so far. Why in the world would ANYONE want to see this again? I mean they just AIR THE SEGMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN. Dear goodness almighty what is wrong with this company anymore?

Brad Maddox vs. Ryback

If Maddox wins, he gets a million dollar contract. There’s an ambulance waiting for Maddox. Lawler: “Hey my ride’s here.” What are you expecting from this match? Maddox tries to run, Ryback rams Brad’s head into the mat about ten times, tells Maddox that he’s dead, powerslams him down, Meat Hooks Maddox to the floor, hits three HARD powerbombs and Shell Shocks him for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to bother rating this one as it was a LONG squash. At the end of the day, there was nothing interesting or surprising here and this is basically the ending of the storyline from HIAC. Why anyone wanted to see this is beyond me, but then again the entire show has been worthless so far.

We’re STILL not done with this as Ryback destroys Maddox a bit more and puts him on the stretcher and against the ambulance.

David Otunga vs. Sheamus

Total squash AGAIN with White Noise and the Brogue Kick ending this in 2:20. Again, there’s juts NOTHING to talk about in these matches tonight.

Post match Sheamus says he’ll win the title back. We see Show on the screen beating up Regal in the back.

Bryan doesn’t like that Kane is having another partner tonight.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Kane/???

Miz wins in a completely not shocking landslide. This is joined in progress with Kane getting two off a suplex on Sandow. Off to Miz for a knee lift for the same and the corner clothesline keeps Sandow in trouble. Off to Kane vs. Cody with the Scholars continuing to be in trouble. Bryan pouting is hilarious stuff. Miz backdrops Cody to the floor and hits an ax handle off the apron before glaring at Bryan.

The distraction lets Cody hit the Disaster Kick and it’s off to Damien again. Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Miz fights up and hits the Reality Check. Hot tag brings in Kane and a side slam gets two for Kane. Bryan and Miz get in a near argument and Cody gets chokeslammed for the pin at 5:39 shown.

Rating: C. This was just a regular tag match which went nowhere. Miz turning face is fine but at the end of the day, he’ll win a few matches then lose a few and no one will be any better off, because that’s how WWE works anymore. I guess we’re passing on the idea of the Scholars being champions anymore as they’ve lost time and time again. Actually scratch that as it means they’ll win soon I’m sure. Oh and of course the guy who is the big surprise turn doesn’t get to be in on the fall or anything like that.

More stuff about the troops. Tribute to the Troops is coming to Norfolk.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Non-title of course. Feeling out process to start with Cena cranking on the arm. Foley is guest enforcer and glares at Punk on the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena on top but falling out to the floor with Punk. Back in and a neckbreaker from Punk is countered into a backslide by Cena for two. Off to a chinlock by CM which is shifted into a sleeper. Cena starts his comeback but gets rolled up when he tries the Shuffle. A neckbreaker puts Cena down but the Macho Elbow misses.

There’s the Shuffle again but Punk rolls away. The AA is countered and some kicks get two for the champ. GTS and AA are both countered so Punk puts on a Koji Clutch. Cena gets the rope and counters the springboard clothesline into the STF. Foley takes out Heyman as the High Kick gets two for CM. The GTS is countered again into the STF but Punk makes the ropes again. The champ heads up the ramp but Ryback is waiting on him. Back in and the AA gets the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

Rating: B-. It’s Cena vs. Punk with more than five minutes. Were you expecting anything bad? They’re making it seem like Punk has no chance in the triple threat, which is a pretty clear indicator that he’s going to retain the belt so he can lose the title to Rock at the Rumble, because WWE actually thinks we’ll buy Punk as having a chance.

Ryback and Cena both grab the title post match while Punk looks like he’s about to cry in the background.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness Raw sucks anymore. There’s some stuff on here that’s worth checking out, but at the end of the day the first forty minutes are just SO FREAKING DULL that it kills anything good that could come out of the show later on. This PPV is so completely backwards and the show proves it. We sat through Foley vs. Punk and Cena vs. Ziggler here, but neither of those matches are happening on Sunday. They might have an idea where they want to wind up, but it’s clear they have no idea how they plan to get there.

Results

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton – Enziguri to Kingston

Big Show b. William Regal – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn b. Layla – Reverse DDT

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd b. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico – 450 to Young

R-Truth b. Tensai – Little Jimmy

Ryback b. Brad Maddox – Shell Shock

Kane/Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – Chokeslam to Rhodes

John Cena b. CM Punk – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 10, 2003
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on No Way Out, meaning Eric Bischoff is still looking for Steve Austin and we’re still being subjected to Steiner vs. HHH. Evolution is officially around now, meaning the dark days of Raw are now upon us. There’s very little good going on at the moment, meaning this is going to be in for a long episode. Let’s get to it.

We open with an In Memory graphic for Curt Hennig who died earlier in the day. It’s a shame he had so many substance abuse issues.

We recap Vince’s ultimatum to Eric, giving him 30 days to turn Raw around or Shane McMahon will take his job. Eric’s solution: bring back Steve Austin. He went to Texas to find Austin last week but just found some very strong stereotypes.

Theme song.

Apparently the thirty days are up tonight. How a thirty day countdown can start on a Monday and end another Monday isn’t exactly explained but here’s Eric to open the show. He isn’t sure if Austin will be back at No Way Out or not but Vince might be on the way here to fire him right now. Eric is glad to be back in Hollywood among his own people instead of being stuck in that horrible Texas town from last week. He asks the fans one favor: please let Vince know that they support Eric’s efforts. This turns into a demand but the fans still aren’t pleased.

Eric reminds us that he’s still the boss around here until Vince arrives, so let’s talk to JR a bit. Bischoff demands JR get up and take off his headset so Eric can yell at him over his lack of support for re-signing Austin. It’s all JR’s fault, but JR says maybe it’s because Austin hates Eric’s guts for how he fired Austin from WCW. Eric likes this firing idea and fires JR until Austin signs again.

Evolution arrives.

Christian vs. Test

Christian is Jericho’s buddy so this is a result of Jericho blasting Stacy with a chair a few weeks ago. Test throws Christian around to start and chokes with the boot, only to have Christian rakes the eyes to take over. A boot to the head gets two as Coach comes in to replace JR on commentary. Test comes back with some clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. The first attempt at a big boot misses but Test counters the Unprettier and kicks Christian’s head off for the pin. Nothing match here.

Post match Christian gets in a cheap shot while Test is talking to Stacy. Christian goes after Stacy but Jeff Hardy of all people makes the save, despite teasing a heel turn for awhile now.

JR is on the phone with someone and trying to get hold of Austin.

We look back and Booker and Goldust splitting after losing their tag title shot last week. This continues to make no sense given how hot they were as a team, but nothing made sense on Raw in 2003. Goldust also got electrocuted by Evolution after the loss, turning him into an epileptic.

Booker T vs. D’Lo Brown

Booker dedicates this one to Goldie but Brown’s music cuts him off. Before the match, Teddy Long suggests replacing Goldust with Brown so that the white man can’t keep the man down anymore. Booker pops Brown in the face and pounds away in the corner but can’t hit the ax kick. Brown leg lariats Booker down but the ax kick connects a second later for the pin. Total squash.

Jericho barges into Bischoff’s office and tries to get out of his match with Test. The match isn’t canceled but Jericho gets a match with Jeff Hardy as a bonus.

Jazz vs. Molly Holly

This is Jazz’s first official match back after being out for about nine months. Jazz easily takes her down to start before cranking on the arm. Molly comes back with a quick Japanese armdrag, only to be elbowed in the jaw for two. Jazz hooks a SICK looking submission hold which can best be described as a half Indian deathlock and half reverse Cattle Mutilation.

She has to let it go pretty quickly to prevent from killing Molly but gets two off a butterfly suplex. Molly tries some chops as the idiot fans are calling this boring. That submission hold alone keeps this from being called boring. Jazz’s half crab into an STF gets the submission.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing great but Jazz looked awesome out there. Yeah I actually said that. We never really got a good submission master in the Divas division so this was a nice change of pace. Unfortunately Jazz had the personality of a slug so she never went anywhere.

Jazz beats up Molly again post match with the double chickenwing and another STF.

JR gets a call from Steve. From Oklahoma. Isn’t it amazing how lucky it was to have the cameras there to pick this up RIGHT AFTER A MATCH? I know this is normal for wrestling, but have this kind of stuff pop up in the middle of a match to make it seem realistic for a change.

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. 3 Minute Warning

Jamal (Umaga) slams Rob down to start but Rob takes out the legs and gets two off the standing moonsault. Rob goes up top but gets shoved face first into the barricade, allowing Rico to get in a cheap shot on the floor. Back in and it’s off to Rosey for a splash for two. The match keeps going slowly as Jamal comes back in, only to have Rob backflip out of a belly to back suplex.

A clothesline puts Van Dam back down for two but he ducks another clothesline which takes Rosey down by mistake. Kane gets the hot tag to clean house with all of his usual stuff. Rosey breaks up a chokeslam attempt on Jamal so Kane kicks both of them in the face. Rob comes in as well for his usual stuff and Rolling Thunder gets two on Jamal. Everything breaks down and it’s a chokeslam and Five Star to Jamal for the pin.

Rating: D. This is one of those matches where you can only say it existed. There’s just nothing else going on in this match and it showed badly. I have no idea who thought splitting up the tag titles in 2002 was a good idea but it was clear by this point that there was no way to support them. Hence why they went on for about five more years of course.

Vince arrives and wants to know why JR is in the parking garage.

Here’s Vince in the arena after a break. Vince says he has to make a lot of hard decisions but tonight isn’t one of them. He calls out Bischoff and Chief Morely for the firing, despite it being 22 days since he issued the thirty day warning. Morely isn’t going to be fired immediately, but he has to beat all three Dudleys in a match to keep his job.

That leaves Eric alone with Vince. Bischoff says he hasn’t signed Austin for No Way Out and that’s enough for Vince. Before he can fire Bischoff though, Eric brings out some special lesbians. They’re bisexual lesbians and I suddenly have a throbbing headache. Vince says tonight is about business and fires Bischoff anyway. We even get the goodbye song from the boss and a McMahon strut.

Regal and Storm suck up to Vince in hopes of getting the GM spot. Vince promises to name a new GM tonight.

Chief Morely vs. Dudley Boys

Morely gets a jobber entrance and is in street clothes. Remember that this is a three on one match with Spike teaming with the more famous Dudleys. Spike jumps Morely to start and the beatdown is on quickly. Morely has his shirt ripped open as the fans want tables. Apparently the Dudleys don’t have to tag here. A triple stomping sends Morely to the floor and Bubba throws Spike on top of him for good measure. Morely is sent into the steps a few times including once with Bubba holding them in the air. The Dudley Dog and 3D end this destruction.

Rating: D-. The fans liked it at least but there wasn’t anything else to that. This has been a very story heavy version of Raw and that’s not good in large doses. It helps to have Morely gone due to how annoying he could get, but that still doesn’t really make the show all that entertaining. Nothing to see here, again.

The Dudleys put Morely through a table because they can.

Eric asks JR if he’s heard from Austin but JR says he hasn’t. JR isn’t interested in being friends either.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Batista

Spear, Batista Bomb, pin.

Evolution comes in for the beatdown but Booker comes in for the save. He gets beaten down as well but Scott Steiner makes the real save.

Jeff Hardy and Shawn have a moment in the back after Shawn kicked his head off last week.

Stacy has a new marketing idea for Test: GGW. Yes it’s Girls Gone Wild.

Bischoff is cleaning out his office when the Dudleys come in to sing the Goodbye Song again. He’s staying isn’t he?

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy

This HAS to get some time right? Jericho takes him down with a headlock to start but Jeff fights up with some right hands to the head. A headscissors gets two on Chris but Jericho throws him out to the floor. Jericho does the Hogan hand to the ear but misses a springboard dive, allowing Jeff to score with a not great looking Asai Moonsault. A whip into the steps gets two for Hardy and he dropkicks Jericho out of the air to keep control.

Hardy loads up the Swanton but Jericho sends the referee into the ropes to crotch Jeff. This match isn’t flowing well at all but it’s not terrible. Jericho goes up top for a butterfly superplex but Jeff is up at two again. Hardy gets his back bent over Jericho’s knee but he rolls up Jericho to block the Walls for two. A clothesline puts Hardy down again though and Jericho chokes on the ropes. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Hardy avoids a charge to send Chris’ shoulder into the post.

The Twist of Fate gets two but the crowd is just gone. Back up again and Jericho pounds away in the corner but gets caught by the Whisper in the Wind for two. Jericho takes out the legs and puts on the Walls but Hardy quickly makes the rope. Chris goes up top, only to have Jeff run the ropes ala Kurt Angle into a belly to belly suplex. The Swanton gets two due to a foot on the ropes but Hardy’s hurricanrana is countered into the Walls for the submission.

Rating: C. The match was ok but there was no spirit to it. It’s like they were just going through moves instead of having a match if that makes sense. The match wasn’t bad or anything, but Hardy looked like he was just out there to fill in a spot on the card instead of doing anything great.

Vince tells Evolution he’s about to name the new GM. He also makes HHH/Batista vs. Booker T/Scott Steiner for next week. Anyone ever notice we almost never get a match advertised for the next week’s show anymore?

Here’s Vince for the announcement. Lawler: “Pick me!” Instead Vince brings out JR….but he’s not the GM. Bischoff follows him out as JR is guaranteeing Vince that Austin will be here. Since Austin is coming back, JR can come back too, meaning he’s rehired. Bischoff and Morely get to keep their jobs too, making tonight ENTIRELY POINTLESS. Oh wait Vince says Eric has to join his special club so there go the pant. He makes it do tricks but Bischoff refuses. Therefore, Vince makes Bischoff vs. Austin for No Way Out to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This might have been the least important show I can remember in my entire career of reviewing these things. We spent the entire night building up an angle, only to have the whole thing be rendered pointless at the end. On top of that, the matches SUCKED and nothing of note happened as a result of any of them. Horrible show with no redeeming value at all.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 11, 2013
Location: Phones4u Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s a rare taped show tonight as the company is over in England. The main story coming in is Big Show being the new guy to stand up to the regime, having forced his way back into a job. Kane has also joined the bad guys and is now the director of operations, a position which hasn’t exactly been defined yet. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video honoring American’s military veterans narrated by John Cena. Classy as always.

We recap the angle at the end of last week’s show with Big Show getting his job back as well as a title shot at Survivor Series. The video also includes the handicap match and Big Show being put through a table.

The Authority (the official name for HHH and Stephanie) isn’t here tonight so it’s not clear who is in charge.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He thinks he’s going to win at Survivor Series and says that since the Authority isn’t here, he’s in charge tonight. This brings out Brad Maddox to say he’s the GM and therefore in charge, but here’s Kane before he can make his first match. Kane says that he’s in charge in the absence of the Authority.

Maddox says he’s actually in charge, so the opening match is Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes. Kane says no, because it’s Orton vs. Goldust. Maddox says not so fast and Orton says pick an opponent because he can’t fight them both.. Here’s Vickie to suck up to the Authority a bit before saying she’s confident in Orton’s authority. The crowd shouts her down so much that you can barely hear her, but she makes Orton vs. Goldust and Rhodes in a handicap match.

Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

Goldust gets things going and quickly hiptosses and armdrags Orton down for two. Off to Cody to stay on the arm as the fans are all behind the Golden One. The release gordbuster gets two and it’s back to Goldust who is stomped down in the corner. The fans chant Randy’s Boring before starting what I believe was a JBL chant. Now it’s a Jerry chant. Orton runs into a boot in the corner but kicks Goldust off the middle rope as we take a break.

Back with Goldust fighting out of a chinlock and catching Orton in a powerslam. A double clothesline puts both guys down and there’s the hot tag to Cody who comes in with a missile dropkick. A spinning sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Rhodes and the moonsault press gets the same. Everything breaks down and Cody fights out of the RKO before a double clothesline puts Orton on the floor. Orton takes the countout at 8:50.

Rating: C-. This was ok but the ending was obvious. I’m glad they didn’t have either side do the job as it would mess up too much momentum that has been built over the last few months. It’s interesting to see Vickie act like something resembling a face, but she’s not exactly the right choice for it.

Post match here’s Big Show (said to not be here in a story that lasted 20 minutes) to destroy Orton and chokeslam him through the announce table.

Big Show left during a break to go get a pint.

Los Matadores/Santino Marella vs. Union Jacks

The Union Jacks are 3MB (no masks or anything) in British flag attire. Santino has bull horns on his head. Slater and Diego get us going but Mahal makes a blind tag and gets two off a knee to the head. A 3MB triple team takes Diego down and it’s McIntyre with a stomp to the head.

Santino tags himself in and pounds away on Mahal but his headbutt hits knees. Torito distracts Slater and chases him around, allowing Santino to gore Slater from behind. McIntyre finally catches the bull but Los Matadores dive through the ropes for the save. Torito goes up top and dives onto Slater, allowing Santino to hit the Cobra (with horns) on Mahal for the pin at 2:55.

Brad Maddox apologizes to Orton when Vickie comes up to apologize as well. Orton doesn’t want to hear it but Kane comes in and tells Orton to quit mouthing off. Randy sends them all off because his shoulder is messed up.

Damien Sandow vs. Kofi Kingston

Damien is still very aggressive and pounds Kingston down to start. He puts on a chinlock before dropping a knee for two. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two more but Kofi avoids a legdrop. Kofi fights back with some right hands and a kick to the head but gets knocked off the top and walks into You’re Welcome for the pin at 3:50.

Rating: D+. This was just an extended squash but that’s what Kofi is good for. He’s probably never going to get past this level but he’s capable of putting on a good match with just about anyone and can make anybody look better. Sandow being aggressive is a decent idea and having a new finisher is the best thing that could happen to him.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Dolph Ziggler

Cole goes into his Hall of Fame stat sheet as Axel grabs a headlock to start. An elbow to the jaw puts Ziggler into the corner and Axel stomps him down. They trade dropkicks for two each and Ziggler swivels his hips a bit. Ziggler takes him down again and drops the ten elbows for two. Curtis sends him to the floor and slaps him around back inside but Ziggler scores with a jumping DDT to put both guys down.

Ziggler avoids a charge and sends Axel shoulder first into the post before another elbow gets two. Axel comes back with a nice catapult into the buckle for two but Ziggler hits a Fameasser for the same. A Saito Suplex gets two for the champion but he takes too much time going up, allowing Ziggler to hit a middle rope X Factor for two. The Zig Zag is countered into a kind of release flapjack, allowing Axel to hit the neckbreaker into a faceplant for the pin at 9:09.

Rating: C+. This was MUCH better than I was expecting here with both guys hitting a lot of big spots for some nice near falls. Axel is a guy who can have good matches but he’s such damaged goods at this point that it’s almost impossible to take him seriously. Ziggler is clearly not going back to the main event scene anytime soon so having him do stuff like this is the right call.

Kane demands respect from Brad Maddox so Brad makes the Real Americans vs. John Cena in another handicap match. Kane one ups him by making Shield vs. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. No handshake is given.

Zack Ryder is the WWE merchandise schiller of the night.

Tamina Snuka vs. Nikki Bella

Nikki gets thrown around as the announcers plug Total Divas. Tamina bends Nikki over her knee in the most awkward backbreaker you’ll see in a long time. We get more choking and chinlockery before Nikki makes a comeback with a backdrop from her knees and a headscissors where Tamina flipped over when Nikki wasn’t touching her. AJ gets in a cheap shot to put Nikki down, allowing Tamina to hit the Superfly Splash for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: D-. This division sucks but Nikki looks great so it’s not a failure. That is all.

Brie cleans house post match.

WWE 2K14 stuff.

Shield comes in to see Orton, who yells at them for not saving him from Big Show. They say it’s none of his business where they were during Big Show’s attack because they don’t work for anyone.

Fandango vs. Tyson Kidd

This is set up from a clip of a Total Divas episode that hasn’t aired yet. Fandango is in Union Jack tights for no apparent reason. Feeling out process to start until Fandango throws Kidd out of the corner and out to the floor. Back in and Kidd hurricanranas Fandango into the middle buckle. A springboard dropkick sends Fandango to the floor and a bad looking hurricanrana off the apron takes him down again. Back in and a springboard sunset flip is countered into a Fandango rollup for the pin at 2:59.

John Cena vs. Real Americans

Colter runs down England to start, saying that there are some bad people over here, ranging from monarchs to soccer hooligans to, dare he say it, Mr. Bean fans. Swagger goes after the bad arm to start as Cena’s underwear is sticking out. Here’s Del Rio with the Mexican flag as Cesaro throws Cena to the floor. Back from a break with Del Rio on commentary and Cesaro bringing in Swagger for a chinlock.

The running Vader Bomb hits Cena’s knees and John shoulder blocks both guys down, only to run into a European uppercut from Cesaro. The Swing is countered into an STF attempt but Antonio makes the tag off to Swagger. Jack can’t get the Patriot Lock but Cesaro goes up top, only to have his cross body rolled into an AA attempt. Swagger makes the save with a chop block to the leg but Cena backdrops out of a Neutralizer attempt.

Cena hits his finishing sequence on Swagger but the AA is countered into the Patriot Lock. John rolls out and hits the AA but Cesaro breaks up the pin at two. A powerbomb gets two on Cesaro but he comes back with Swiss Death for the same result. Cesaro loads up what looked to be a top rope huricanrana but Cena shoves him into a tag to Swagger. Jack’s running suplex is countered into a top rope cross body from Cena and the STF makes Jack tap at 12:56.

Rating: B-. This was good but was there ever any doubt as to how this was going to end? That’s one of the big problems with matches like this and how far down the Americans have been pushed: no one believed the team had a chance and even though there were some good spots, the ending was never in doubt.

Post match Del Rio goes after Cena and puts him in the armbreaker with a chair around the arm. Big E. Langston makes the save and gets a nice chant from the audience.

Del Rio complains to the bosses about Langston and a match is made for later tonight.

R-Truth vs. Ryback

Truth does an unfunny rap about Ryback on the way to the ring, talking about how Ryback is a bully with bad breath. Truth grabs a headlock to start and kicks Ryback in the face, only to be driven into a few corners. Ryback keeps pounding away with his power stuff, but the Meathook misses, allowing Truth to grab a quick rollup for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. And yet they wonder why Ryback isn’t over. He jobs to Punk over and over again, gets a win last week where he gets to show off, and now loses to R-Truth. The match was junk though with no one caring and mostly dominance until the quick ending. I’m assuming Ryback eventually gets his win back though, meaning we’ll be right back where we started.

Big E. Langston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Langston pounds on Alberto but Del Rio comes back with some shots to the head and a chinlock. The fans sound like they’re at a funeral for this match. Langston fights out with suplex and the Warrior Splash as the Wave has begun in the crowd. Del Rio hits the enziguri in the corner but Langston runs him over with ease. The Big Ending is countered into the armbreaker for the submission at 4:04.

Rating: D. GAH WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS NONSENSE??? They want to push Langston as a big deal so their solution is to put him in match after match that he isn’t allowed to win because it would hurt the other guy. SO STOP PUTTING HIM IN MATCHES AGAINST THAT KIND OF COMPETITION ALREADY!!! Why is that so freaking complicated???

Veterans video again.

Axel is with a very damaged Heyman in the ring. Paul is in a neck brace, a cast on his leg and his arm is in a sling while sitting in a wheelchair. He blames Ryback for this beating because Ryback messed up by not being there to save him. Ryback bit off more than he could chew and Punk used the chance to destroy Heyman. However, the real blame is on every fan in the audience for cheering Punk on as he climbed the Cell.

Tonight though, Heyman is here to have every member of the audience as a witness to this statement. He’ll be back with a vengeance and hang over CM Punk like the sword of Damocles. Heyman talks about driving the sword into Punk when Punk’s music hits. Heyman: “OH NO!” Punk charges to the ring and beats up Axel, laying him out with the GTS. CM stares at Heyman and pulls a kendo stick out from under the ring. Heyman is spun around in the chair and then dumped onto the mat so Punk can destroy him with the stick even more. Heyman is also in a back brace to complete the list of injuries.

CM Punk/Daniel Bryan vs. Shield

Punk clotheslines Ambrose down to start before bringing Bryan in for a double suplex for two. Rollins comes in and is almost immediately caught in the surfboard. Punk gets the tag and kicks Seth in the chest for two but the GTS is escaped. Off to Reigns for a staredown but Bryan comes in for some stereo kicks to the legs. Reigns shrugs them off and clotheslines both guys down before taking Bryan into the Shield corner.

Rollins comes in but gets caught in a release German suplex and a top rope hurricanrana gets two. A kick to the head puts Bryan down again and we take our last break. Back with Ambrose working on Bryan in the corner before handing it over to Reigns for a headbutt. Back to Rollins as the slow attack but fast tags continue. A slam puts Bryan down and we hit the chinlock. Bryan fights up and sends Rollins into Reigns, allowing for the hot tag off to Punk.

Everything breaks down and the Macho Elbow gets two on Ambrose. Bryan’s top rope knee takes down Rollins and the FLYING GOAT drops Ambrose. Reigns takes out Bryan but Punk hits a suicide dive to take out Roman. Punk and Ambrose trade some insanely fast counters until Punk hooks the Anaconda Vice. Ambrose is about to tap when we’ve got Wyatts. We’ll say the match was thrown out at about 13:00.

Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but the last few minutes were hot. Not a great match or anything though as the fans were entirely burnt out by the end. Also it didn’t help that everyone was waiting on the big appearance by the Wyatts but at least they waited until the last possible second.

Punk and Bryan wisely bail to the floor, leaving Shield to argue with the freaky dudes. Bray and Reigns get in an argument on the floor before fighting into the ring. Both teams get in a huge brawl but Bray eventually separates them, saying Punk and Bryan are the common enemies. Punk and Bryan get in the ring for a brawl and get beaten down until the Usos, Goldust and Cody make the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This really didn’t do it for me. The constant handicap matches got old in a hurry and the show felt like it didn’t matter at all for the most part. I’m not sure where they’re going with the Shield due to their actions with Orton but turning all three at them at once isn’t the best idea. Nothing at all on here felt important though and that can make for a very long three hours.

Results

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Randy Orton via countout

Santino Marella/Los Matadores b. Union Jacks – Cobra to Mahal

Damien Sandow b. Kofi Kingston – You’re Welcome

Curtis Axel b. Dolph Ziggler – Neckbreaker into a faceplant

Tamina Snuka b. Nikki Bella – Superfly Splash

Fandango b. Tyson Kidd – Countered sunset flip

John Cena b. Real Americans – STF to Swagger

R-Truth b. Ryback – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio b. Big E. Langston – Cross armbreaker

Daniel Bryan/CM Punk vs. Shield went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 17, 1997
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 5,876
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

It’s the night after In Your House: Final Four and we have a new world champion in the form of Bret Hart. However as a condition of him being champion, he has to defend the title tonight against Sycho Sid, who didn’t get his title shot against Shawn due to losing his smile. We’re coming up on Wrestlemania 13 in about five weeks so the buildup will begin tonight. Let’s get to it.

I’ve already done the next two weeks worth of shows and links to the reviews can be found at the bottom.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Sycho Sid

That’s quite the way to open up a show. Before the bell we’re told that Undertaker will meet the winner of this match at Wrestlemania 13. They stare each other down but here’s Steve Austin to attack Bret. Referees and backstage personnel break it up but Sid takes a shot to the knee somewhere in there, putting him down on the mat for some swearing. Austin is taken away and Sid gets back inside, but Patterson and Brisco (some REAL Americans) and some referees won’t let the match start like this. More on this later.

We look back at Shawn vacating the belt last Thursday, because of a “knee injury.” I’m sure that wouldn’t be a case of Idon’twanttojobthetitlesoI’mfakingthiswholething-itis.

We get some shots of Final Four last night which is still an awesome match.

Sid is freaking out in the back (moreso than usual) but says nothing is going to keep him from winning the title tonight.

Marc Mero vs. Savio Vega

Apparently Sable has been being much more aggressive lately to help Mero win some extra matches. Savio has the Nation with him, other than Farrooq who is in the balcony, looking down on the arena. Things start fast with Mero snapping off some armdrags and a dropkick sends Savio into the waiting arms of Crush. Mero dives over the top rope to take them both out but Vega takes over as they get back inside. A spinwheel kick in the corner has Mero in trouble and Vega chokes away on the ropes.

Marc gets a quick two off a crossbody and he pounds away with rights and lefts in the corner. Savio comes back with a snap suplex and sends Mero to the floor for a beating from the white rappers known as PG-13. Sable will have none of that and fires off some martial arts kicks to dispatch the white boys. Back inside and Mero hits a Samoan drop but the Nation chases Sable into the ring for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was fun while it lasted but the ending hurt it a bit. Mero and Vega were both guys that could go when they were motivated and Mero was at his best around this time. This didn’t have time to go anywhere with less than five minutes, but at least they were trying.

Ahmed Johnson, in what appear to be orange pajamas, clears the ring with a 2×4.

Bret says he can’t worry about Austin and has to defend the title against Sid tonight. After that, he’ll be waiting on his next opponent. Lawler accuses Bret of overlooking Sid but Bret says he’s just looking out for #1.

Intercontinental Title: Leif Cassady vs. Rocky Maivia

Cassady, more famous as Al Snow, lost to Mero last night but is getting this shot tonight. Such is life in the WWF. Rocky is still billed from the South Pacific here which makes me picture him singing show tunes. He won the title from HHH last Thursday and beat him again in a rematch last night. Before the match starts, here’s Sunny in a barely there pink outfit to hit on Rocky.

They slug it out to start until Rocky clotheslines Cassady out to the floor. Back in and a cross body gets two for Rocky and we hit the armbar. We go split screen for an interview with HHH who says Maivia is just a lucky punk. These two really were joined at the hip for their entire careers. HHH blames Goldust for costing him the title last night and promises it’s not over with him. Cassady finally fights out of the armbar and elbows Rocky in the face to take over.

A quick rollup gets two for the champion but Leif pokes him in the eye to take over again. Cassady uses a nice forward leg trip to take Rocky down and put on another armbar. The fans think this is boring and I can’t say I blame them. Lawler compares Rocky to some other hotshot rookie that hasn’t proven he can do anything yet: Tiger Woods. Back up and Leif DDTs the arm and hooks yet another armbar. A top rope shot to the head gets two for Leif but Rocky slams him down when Cassady tries another. The high cross body sets up the shoulder breaker to retain Rocky’s title.

Rating: D. Rocky was still brand new at this point and it was really showing badly. Cassady is a very talented guy but there was nothing for him in something like this. He was part of the New Rockers at this point but it was clear that such a gimmick wasn’t going to take him anywhere. Who would think that these two would feud over being Mankind’s best friend someday?

We go to the announcers where Lawler rants about how stupid ECW is. He issues a challenge for them to show up next week if they’re tough enough. Lawler also throws in a jab at WCW, saying a friend of his took a Lawler sign to a WCW show in Memphis but they took it away from him.

We see a clip from the national anthem of all things.

Here are Goldust and Marlena to address HHH making a pass at Marlena. Goldust says he’s from Hollywood but this is reality. HHH has crossed a line and now this is personal. All the money in the world can’t buy Marlena and the only way that HHH is going to get closer to her is over his dead body.

Marlena clears up a few rumors about Goldust, saying that he is all man from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet, making him more of a man than HHH could ever be. Cue HHH with a cheap shot to Goldust, allowing him to pound Goldie down into the corner. There’s a Pedigree so Marlena slaps HHH in the face, drawing in the yet to be named Chyna to shake Marlena like a toy, earning her another trip to the pokey.

Headbangers vs. Hardy Boys

Yes it’s them and yes they’re still really new around here. On the other hand you have the Hardy Boys who are REALLY young, with Matt being 22 and Jeff only 19 here. Jeff scores with a running clothesline on Most before bringing in Matt to drop an ax handle on the arm. We go split screen to hear Farrooq saying he’ll finish Ahmed Johnson whenever he feels like it and lists off a bunch of expensive stuff that Johnson owns that he doesn’t want the fans to know about. Their match at Wrestlemania should just be a Chicago street fight.

The Headbangers take over and pound away on Matt including Most hitting a springboard cross body to the floor. Back in and it’s off to Thrasher who stomps Matt down into the corner before lifting him up into a suplex/side slam combo for no cover. Jeff gets the tag and almost immediately is clotheslined in half, setting up a powerbomb/guillotine legdrop combo for the pin.

Rating: D. This is much more of a historical anomaly than anything of note. The Hardys would become a regular low level tag team soon after this while the Headbangers would look like the bigger deal for a good while. The match was just a squash but it’s always fun to see these future stars in their early days.

WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Bret Hart

Sid has a bad knee due to the Austin run-in earlier tonight. We cut to the back and Austin is attacking Bret Hart in the back, ramming him into a steel door and even Vince McMahon is helping break it up. No match again.

Gorilla Monsoon says the title match will happen tonight, period.

Flash Funk vs. Owen Hart

Flash Funk is 2 Cold Scorpio and Brodus Clay minus about 100lbs. Both guys flip out of wristlocks to start before Owen catches a kick, only to have Flash flip him over with the foot Owen caught. That’s a hard one to describe. They keep countering each other until Owen clotheslines him down but Funk is right back up. Both guys try dropkicks at the same time and we have a standoff.

We get to the interesting part of the match: Paul Heyman of ECW calls in to talk to Jerry Lawler. They try a test of strength as Heyman accepts the challenge on behalf of ECW. Lawler makes fun of some of the big ECW names such as Sabu, Sandman and Blue Meanie. Owen tries the Sharpshooter but Flash gets a sloppy rollup for two. Clarence Mason, the annoying attorney that managed Owen around this time, comes out to get Owen’s attention for some reason.

Owen goes to the floor so Flash can hit a big dive as Owen’s partner British Bulldog comes out to yell at Mason. We take a break and come back with Owen bridging up into a backslide for two. Hart gets another near fall off a German suplex and there’s a spinwheel kick to put Funk down again. We cut to a split screen with Steve Austin who says he went over the edge a long time ago.

Austin won the Rumble a long time ago and Shawn quit because he’s afraid to face someone like Austin. Owen suplexes Funk down but Flash fights back with some shots to the face and a backdrop. The high cross body gets two on Owen and a great looking moonsault gets the same. They run the ropes a bit and Bulldog gets in a cheap shot with the Slammy, allowing Owen to hit a spinwheel kick for the pin.

Rating: C. I don’t ever remember a match with so much stuff going on besides a match when Vince Russo wasn’t in charge. Think about it: we had something going on with Mason, interference, a phone call and an interview, all in a ten minute TV match. The match was solid from what I could see, but there was too much going on to keep track of what was going on.

Bart Gunn vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Honky Tonk Man is on commentary as he’s still looking for a protege. After the bell we get a promo from HHH, saying he doesn’t know who Marlena is and he doesn’t care. HHH grabs the arm to start but Bart counters into a wristlock of his own to take over. Gunn scores with a dropkick and takes HHH down into an armbar. Back up and Helmsley misses a charge into the corner and we’re right back to the armbar. Helmsley gets up again and takes him down with a jumping knee to the face but here’s Goldust to chase HHH into the crowd for a countout.

Rating: D. Another boring match here which was only there for the ending. Goldust vs. HHH continues to be an interesting story but the matches never quite lived to the story. Bart Gunn was such a forgettable guy after splitting from Billy until the Brawl For All of all things gave him some notoriety.

We go to Dr. James Andrews to talk about Shawn’s knee. Apparently it’s badly twisted but surgery isn’t a requirement just yet.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Sycho Sid

Let’s try this one more time. Bret is defending in case that was lost in this whole mess tonight. Sid takes him into the corner and pounds away to start before whipping Bret hard into the corner to work on Bret’s bad back. Bret has a bad back? Apparently so for the sake of the match. Sid takes him down again with a hard clothesline before stomping down onto Bret’s chest a few times. All challenger so far.

Bret comes back with some punches to the ribs and a backbreaker, causing JR to say Sid isn’t 6’9 now. Unless a backbreaker involves cutting Sid’s foot off, I’ll have to disagree. Sid fires off more shots to the back and hits a backbreaker of his own (Lawler: “YAHOO!”) for two. Bret comes back by taking out the leg and drops some elbows onto the knee for good measure. The leg is wrapped around the post and there’s the Figure Four around the post (making its TV debut).

We take a break and come back with Bret bending the knee around the ropes and kicking away at the thigh. Sid fights out with some forearms to the chest and a legdrop for two. Sid (with the knee looking perfectly fine) goes to the middle rope for another legdrop but Bret blocks a chokeslam. Bret misses a charge into the ropes but is still able to backdrop Sid over the top. Austin tries to come in through the crowd but Sid punches him down. There’s the Sharpshooter but Austin sneaks in with a chair shot to break it up. The powerbomb (dude sell the leg!) is enough to give Sid the world title.

Rating: D+. I remember Benoit having the same problems with Sid two years later: there’s only so much Bret can do when Sid won’t sell the freaking knee injury. Sid had a knee injury coming into the match, had it worked on during the match, then got caught in the Sharpshooter but can hit the powerbomb fine? That doesn’t work and it’s not Hart’s fault at all.

Undertaker comes out to stare down Sid to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a very simple concept: the stuff involving Bret vs. Austin is awesome and the rest of the show is about as dull as you can get. That was WWF’s biggest problem for a long time: they couldn’t fill in a full show with interesting stuff and there was no reason to watch. Things would get better, but for now it was the main event scene or nothing.

Here’s the February 24 show if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/03/14/monday-night-raw-february-24-1997-ecw-invades-raw/

Here’s the March 3 show if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/02/05/2557/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 3, 2008
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is the REAL 800th episode, at least according to WWE and is a three hour show. It means I’m probably wrong about some of the previous centennial episodes but does it really matter? Anyway we have a big long card and a bunch of highlights from the first 799 episodes which I’m sure we haven’t seen a million times before. Oh and Batista defending against Jericho in a cage. Let’s get to it.

DX fights Miz/Morrison tonight.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He says to either fire Adamle as GM or he’s walking. Shane and Stephanie won’t fix things so he’s going to put a stop to it. If you think he’s bluffing, try him. Orton gets a chair and sits between the announce tables.

Hardys vs. The Brian Kendrick/MVP

Matt is ECW Champion and Jeff is about a month and a half from winning the WWE Title. We get a clip from Episode #764: Jeff diving off the tower onto Orton from earlier in the year. Jeff vs. MVP gets us going with not much at all. Off to Matt so the Hardys can screw up some basic stuff. Back to Jeff for Poetry in Motion as the fans aren’t that interested so far.

Off to Kendrick who jumps onto Jeff’s back and kicks away at it. Sliced Bread is countered and Jeff hits the sitout gordbuster and brings in Matt. Matt cleans house, knocking Kendrick to the floor and hitting the Side Effect on MVP for two. MVP gets a shot in and it’s off to Kendrick. The referee didn’t see it so while he’s being put out, the Twist and Swanton get the pin MVP.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here as I think the Hardys were there to give us some kind of a nostalgia feeling, but it doesn’t quite mean much when the team hasn’t meant anything in years at this point. Also the lack of doubt as to who wins here kind of hurt things too. Kendrick’s push started and stopped in about the course of a month.

We get a clip of the first episode where Heenan couldn’t get inside among other things.

The Kid beats Razor Ramon on Episode #17. That really was a huge deal.

Battle Royal

William Regal, Manu, JTG, Shad Gaspar, Cody Rhodes, Jamie Noble, Snitsky, Ted DiBiase Jr.

Orton is still at ringside. The winner gets an IC Title match next week. Santino is on commentary as he’s champion. He declares himself champion of the world as this match is going nowhere. Snitsky the Bald is sent out by all three members of Priceless, but DiBiase throws out Manu and Rhodes in a nice move. Regal and Noble go to the floor but not over the top. Oh ok Noble is out. We have Cryme Tyme, Regal and DiBiase left. DiBiase fights the tag team and throws out JTG. Shad misses a boot so Ted can toss him, but Regal sneaks in to throw out Teddy for the win and the title shot, which I think he would win.

Rating: D-. Really boring match here with an ending that you’ve seen a million times before. Well you’ve probably not seen a million battle royals but you get the idea. Still though, boring match and it was about as cheap of a way as you could get to give Regal the title shot. Nothing else to say here.

Shane and Stephanie arrive. Stephanie says Shane can handle this, referring to Orton I think.

Episode #409: Vince buys WCW but Shane steals it from under him. Still a huge moment, still amazing how much they screwed that up.

Orton is in the ring again and talks about how Adamle slapped him in the face. Therefore, either Adamle goes, or Orton goes. Cue the dancing McMahon who says he doesn’t appreciate this. Orton says that Vince would get this done immediately. Shane says he’s not his father but they have the same last name. Cue Adamle who says everyone in charge of Raw has always had an agenda. He wanted to be the first unbiased GM, but unfortunately that hasn’t been happening. Therefore, he’s quitting, and also drawing the biggest pop of the night.

Orton however wants an apology still. Shane says Orton should apologize to Adamle. Orton has had an excuse of a bad shoulder lately, but Shane thought Orton looked fine at Cyber Sunday. Shane thought something was up so he went to Orton’s doctors, who said that Orton has been cleared to compete for months. Orton doesn’t want to come back until Survivor Series, but Shane thinks it should be tonight. Randy says he doesn’t have his gear, but Shane says he’ll take care of that. It’s Orton vs. Punk tonight.

Senator Barack Obama asks if you know what he’s cooking. Senator John McCain wants to know if you know what he’s cooking.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Charlie Haas

This is during Charlie’s imitation period so he’s Bret the Hitman Haas here. He even cuts a quick promo but the voice doesn’t work at all. The fans didn’t screw Vladimir at Cyber Sunday. Vlad screwed Vlad. Boot to the chest, suplex, headbutt, pin in 25 seconds.

After a clip of Batista winning the title at Cyber Sunday, Big Dave says he’ll keep the title tonight.

Episode #257: DX invades WCW. HUGE moment here.

D-Generation X vs. John Morrison/The Miz

HHH is WWE Champion. DX does their intro and we get a clip from ECW where Miz/Morrison made fun of them for being old and then beat up some DX impersonators. Shawn points out that the impersonator has a huge nose. Maybe Shawn just got used to it over the years but THAT THING IS HUGE! They also mocked his chaps. You can punch his wife, you can spit in his face, BUT NO ONE MOCKS THE CHAPS!

HHH points out them making fun of Shawn for losing his hair. Shawn doesn’t remember this. HHH: “Well I’m pretty sure…” Shawn: “No they didn’t.” HHH: “Shawn I’m sure…” Shawn: “Drop it!” HHH: Well ok….” Shawn: “WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!” HHH makes fun of Miz/Morrison’s high school pictures. Miz looks like a horse and Morrison enjoys rest stop sex. Shawn says he’s ready, the fans say they’re ready, we get a clip of Big Dick Johnson giving Miz a lap dance for some reason which traumatizes Shawn, and now we get to the DX intro, complete with more gay jokes from the Game. Funny stuff.

Oh yeah we have a match to get to. This is joined in progress with Morrison getting two on HHH. HHH takes his head off with a clothesline and it’s a double tag. Shawn knocks Miz down and hits the elbow to set up the Kick. Morrison breaks that up and Miz takes over via a clothesline. Miz whips Shawn into the corner where Shawn flips, followed by Miz’s corner clothesline.

Morrison comes in and pokes Shawn in the eye so Shawn kicks him in the head. Off to HHH who cleans house with the knees to the face. Facebuster looks to set up the Pedigree on Morrison but Miz breaks it up, only to walk into the spinebuster. Morrison imitates Shawn with a forearm, nipup and then tuning up the band, with the kick connecting on HHH. Miz and Morrison do crotch chops and Miz loads up a Pedigree, which is easily countered. Shawn kicks Miz’s head off and the Pedigree ends this.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match at all as Miz/Morrison got to show off a bit here. There was never any doubt as to who would win as the non-degerates didn’t mean much yet. Seeing them imitate DX’s stuff was good though and that’s what popped the fans for the most part. Fun little match.

JBL is with Shane and says he should be the new GM. Shane says he’ll think about it and has an idea about putting JBL in a match tonight. JBL thinks he means making the cage match a triple threat for the title, but Shane says it’s against the Undertaker.

Episode #243: Mike Tyson is here. Another HUGE moment.

Face Diva Team vs. Heel Diva Team

It’s a sixteen Diva tag. Do you really think I’m listing off all of them in what’s going to be a two minute match at longest? There are only seven good Divas so here’s Mae Young to be #8. Beth pounds on Kelly to start but Kelly uses her screaming headscissors, which is her only offense three and a half years later. Here’s Mae and Beth sells WAY too much for her. She knocks down everyone but falls down. A brawl breaks out and Beth rolls up Mae for the pin. As usual, three girls were in the match. If I remember right Mae was legit hurt in this.

Smackdown ReBound of the casket match with Taker vs…..Chavo Guerrero? Big Show interfered but Taker won anyway.

Episode #456: Rock challenges Hogan.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Punk and Kofi are tag champions here in a reign I don’t think anyone remembers. This is as a result of Orton punting Punk at Unforgiven and costing him the world title, which somehow wouldn’t have a proper blowoff match until 2011. Punk takes him into the corner to start but Orton pounds him right back down. Here’s the Orton Stomp and a knee drop for two. Off to a chinlock which is broken up quickly. Punk avoids a charge in the corner and hits the springboard clothesline. Orton comes back with a clothesline in the corner and loads up the RKO…and here’s DiBiase for the DQ. Too short to rate.

DiBiase pounds on Punk and Orton punts DiBiase all the way into The Marine 2. Ted gets stretchered out.

Rhodes and Manu yell at Randy about it and Randy says if you have a problem do something about it right now. No one moves.

Episode #772: Floyd Mayweather is thrown over the top. This wasn’t exactly what I’d call a huge moment.

Stephanie is looking very good in her office when Adamle comes in. He says he’s leaving because she micromanages. Stephanie says being in charge is her birthright. He leaves and Shane comes in. He has a major announcement about Survivor Series but he won’t tell her.

Episode #475: Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy in a ladder match for the title.

Here’s JR to call the next match and probably the rest of the show. Unfortunately it’s him and Tazz instead of him and Jerry like it should be.

Undertaker vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Taker grabs a headlock to start and hits a quick Old School. JBL shoulders him down and punches Taker in the corner. That doesn’t last long as the punching comes from Undertaker now, followed by a big boot and legdrop. The chokeslam hits and Taker does the throat slit. JBL escapes the tombstone and they collide with JBL falling to the floor. John looks to get back in but Taker sits up, so JBL bails for a countout for another short match.

JBL tries to walk out but Shawn throws him back in for a tombstone.

Jericho comes in to see Shane and the announcement is that the winner of Batista vs. Jericho gets to defend against the returning Cena at Survivor Series in Boston.

Episode #304: Ausitn and the beer truck.

Here’s Kung Fu Naki for a demonstration in the ring. Ok so I have his song on my iPod. Sue me. Horny comes in to dance with him. Boogeyman comes in to terrorize them and dances a bit too. Goldust, Jesse, Festus, Hacksaw, Slaughter, Lillian, Dusty, Cole and King all get in and dance too. Why is this happening? Oh ok, it’s so Ron Simmons can get a line in.

Episode #775: Flair retires. I can’t watch that anymore.

Episode #630: Edge and Lita’s wedding.

Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry/Kane

Kofi is a tag champion with Punk but for some reason he’s in this match instead. Rey vs. Kane to start and It hink you can figure out what’s going on here: Mysterio moves around a lot and gets in a few shots but Kane runs him over. Off to Henry who runs him over even more. A splash misses and here’s the tag to Kofi. His kicks don’t do anything as Henry just throws him around. Kofi manages to get in a shot to send Henry to the corner and he knocks Kane off the apron. Henry gets tired of being on defense and catches a top rope cross body in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin. Basically a squash.

Kane throws Mysterio out…and here’s Khali. He chops down both other monsters and Rey’s music plays for some reason.

Video on Raw being a longer running show than ANYTHING, except for World Championship Wrestling on Saturday Night which ran over 20 years without missing a week but we don’t count that because it makes us sound bad.

Video on Cena, who is coming back at Survivor Series. It’s kind of a career retrospective.

Shane and Stephanie say nothing of note.

Episode #761: Tribute to the Troops 2008.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. Chris Jericho

Batista won the title at Cyber Sunday, 8 days earlier. Pin, submission or escape as usual. Jericho charges straight at him which goes about as well as anyone else charging straight at Batista goes. He tries to run over the top but Batista catches him and hits a suplex followed by a clothesline for two. Jericho gets rammed into the cage and screams in pain. Or is it laughter? He’s always been a complicated guy. Batista rams him into the steel again and we take a break.

Back with Jericho hooking the Walls of Jericho on the apparent injured knee of Batista. There’s some tape on there but you would have to know to look for it. Batista kicks him off but he kicks him to the door so Batista has to make a diving save. They fight near the open door and in a smart move, Jericho throws Batista’s leg out the door so he can slam the door on it. Nice move.

We’re told that the knee injury too place at Cyber Sunday. That makes sense. Back in the middle of the ring Batista hits a spinning Bossman Slam for two. Jericho goes right back for the knee and loads up the Codebreaker, but Batista rams him into the cage instead. A spear misses though and Batista is right back down after hitting cage. Jericho goes up to escape but climbs down in front of the door which Batista throws open and pulls him back in. That was creative.

Spinebuster puts Jericho down but the Batista Bomb is countered as Jericho grabs the cage and tries to climb out again. Batista manages to throw him off but gets crotched to put both guys down. They go up again and Jericho almost gets caught in a top rope Batista Bomb. He manages to pull something off the cage and rams it into Batista’s head which allows him to get over the top. Batista grabs the top of Chris’ head but can’t stop him and Jericho wins the title.

Rating: B. I liked this a lot more than the Edge vs. Cena cage match that I did recently. The best part here was that they actually came up with some creative spots and we got a surprise ending. Why they gave Batista an 8 day reign is a little unclear but I’d assume it was so they could give us a surprise here, which is fine. Good main event.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this show but it wasn’t great. The problem was that they didn’t seem sure if they wanted to do a regular show with nostalgia thrown in or vice versa which makes the show feel uneven. It’s entertaining enough though and that’s the important idea. Coupling that with a good main event and the show is definitely more good than bad, but it’s not a great show or anything.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 3, 1997
Location: SkyDome, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 25,268
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Doc Hendrix

Happy birthday KB! My birthday present: the first two hour Raw. I would have turned nine years old on the night of this show and luckily for me things were picking up in the title picture around this time. We’re closing in on Final Four which means we need to start printing up lost and found posters for a certain smile. These are dark times for the company though as WCW is crushing them so it’s hard to say how many people have seen this stuff. Let’s get to it.

Keep in mind there was no February 10 show and the next episode is on Thursday February 13.

Vince calls this Royal Rumble Raw, which means we’re going to get a lot of highlights. If I remember right the ads suggested showing the ENTIRE Rumble match but it’s clips a go-go instead.

We open with a clip of the end of the Rumble with Austin sneaking back inside and stealing the Rumble from Bret.

Vader vs. Steve Austin

The arena is half dark to cover up the fact that so many seats are empty. Yeah there are 25,000 people there, but Wrestlemania VI had 67,000 in the same building. Bret comes out before the match and jumps Austin but Vader goes after Hart for no apparent reason. Bret is finally taken out and the match gets started. Austin jumps Vader as he gets in the ring and stomps Vader into the corner in a rare visual. Steve makes the mistake of spitting at Vader though and the monster runs him over.

Now it’s Vader slugging Austin down in the corner but an early Vadersault attempt is blocked by a low blow. They slug it out again but Austin is whipped into the referee as we take a break. Back with the referee back up and Vader getting two off a slam. Vader misses a seated senton and Austin casually slams him down (ignored by the announcers).

Vince promises no bait and switch tactics tonight and guarantees two title matches. That’s probably a jab at Nitro which isn’t the best idea for the WWF right now. Another low blow puts Vader down and Austin chokes away. The referee tries to break it up and gets a Stunner for the DQ once the referee wakes up.

Rating: C. Not much of a match but it was a solid brawl. Austin and Vader could punch as well as anyone so it was fun enough. I loved the slam to Vader which was treated like nothing special here but most of the time got a huge reaction from the announcers. You could see the star in Austin kicking at the door and the hinges were about to break.

Thursday Raw Thursday (no idea why they called it that) ad.

Savio Vega vs. Flash Funk

Savio has recently joined the new Nation of Domination. He goes after the arm to start but Funk (2 Cold Scorpio) easily nips up, only to be pounded right back into the corner. Funk gets a sloppy sunset flip for two but Savio chokes him down for a few four counts. More forearms to the back have Funk in trouble but he Funks Up to a nice pop. Vega is rammed into all four buckles and a rotating splash from the top gets two. Funk dives off the top to take out the Nation but Savio avoids a moonsault and scores a fast pin.

Rating: C-. I like Scorpio but he wasn’t working as the dancer/funky man. Vega was still in the red attire here and the look didn’t fit with the new character. The Nation would take awhile to really find its rhythm and Savio wasn’t exactly a part of its ultimate success. Nothing much to see here but Scorpio flew well enough.

Vince interviews Peta Wilson, a very good looking blonde actress, of La Femme Nikita. Nothing to see here but Vince talks about sex of course.

Here’s former WWF Champion Sycho Sid for a chat. JR talks about Sid beating Shawn and Bret in the span of thirty days before losing the title to Shawn in a rematch. They’re scheduled to face each other at Thursday Raw Thursday so Sid makes his usual nonsensical comments about being evil. When the smoke clears he’ll still rule the world.

Owen and the Bulldog don’t want to talk about Owen eliminating Bulldog from the Rumble. Bulldog called him an idiot and they’re about to argue again.

Tag Titles: Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Furnas and LaFon mainly teamed in Japan but they’re here to try to breathe some life into the tag titles. LaFon grabs a headlock on Bulldog to start before taking him down into a side leg lock. Bulldog grabs the rope and catches a diving LaFon in the powerslam but can’t quite slam him down. Off to Owen for some right hands to the head but LaFon rolls through a monkey flip and takes Owen into the corner.

Furnas comes in despite having the flu tonight. Owen tags out and we get a test of strength between the very strong Bulldog and the former champion powerlifter Furnas with Doug taking him down with relative ease. The arena is so dark you can barely see the first few rows. Owen gets in a cheap shot from the apron and comes in to rake Furnas’ eyes. Back do Davey Boy to stomp away a bit before drawing in LaFon with a shot to the face.

Owen comes in sans tag and is immediately caught in a sunset flip so he tags right back out. Bulldog goes after Furnas’ back but when Owen does the same, Doug lifts him up into a nice electric chair drop. He still can’t make the tag though as Bulldog comes in for the save, only to be caught in a small package for a very close two. Owen comes back in and pounds away but Bulldog is too busy posing to make another tag. Bulldog finally wakes up due to Owen screaming at him as we take a break.

Back with Furnas being clotheslined down for two before snapping off a great looking overhead belly to belly, sending Bulldog to the mat. LaFon finally comes in with clotheslines all around as everything breaks down. A bad looking jumping DDT gets a three count on Owen but his foot was on the rope. The champions double team LaFon but Bulldog turns his head and backdrops Owen to the floor. Smith powerslams LaFon down but Owen gets countered out.

Rating: C. Nice match here but it was more about the champions’ troubles than the match itself. Furnas and LaFon are both solid in the ring and could more than hold their own, but the way the arena looks with the lights almost off is really dragging the show down. That’s rather pathetic and it’s not fair to the guys in the ring.

Owen is fine and it was a ruse, even though Bulldog could have gotten the pin.

We go to the Rumble again to see Ahmed Johnson eliminating Farrooq with a big board.

Ahmed says he’s off his Prozac so you don’t know what he’s going to do. Undertaker, Johnson’s partner for the night, says stay out of the next match or he’ll be going out there alone.

Crush vs. Goldust

No real reason for this other than getting both guys on the show. Goldie grabs a wristlock to start before clotheslining Crush out to the floor. Back in and we hit a quick armbar on Crush and the match is already boring. The interesting part however is the commentary, as JR and Vince talk about upcoming shows. It’s always fun to hear Vince promote shows as he can go from commentator to expert salesman at the drop of a hat. Listen to him do it if you can and you’ll hear the love for it in his voice.

The armbar stays on until HHH comes out to distract Goldie, allowing Crush to knock him to the floor. Goldust is dropped throat first across the barricade before they head inside for some very slow pounding from Crush. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Crush has to suplex Goldust down. Goldust avoids a middle rope punch and DDTs Crush down before scoring with a clothesline. A bulldog gets two but the Curtain Call is broken up by an interfering Savio when the referee is distracted. Crush’s heart punch (exactly what it sounds like) is good for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was REALLY dull stuff with almost the entirety of the match being spent in an armbar or in really boring periods of offense from Crush. The whole match was just a way to set up the HHH interference which doesn’t make for the best match in the world. Nothing to see here at all.

The Blackjacks are coming. Great.

We come back from a break with a shot of the half empty upper deck. Nice job tech guys.

Here’s WWF Champion Shawn Michaels who certainly has his smile at the moment. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with him due to the natural Bret vs. Shawn rivalry but Vince wants to talk about Sid. Shawn says the title used to represent everything that was good in the WWF but after listening to Sid talking about how evil it was, Shawn thinks Sid is right. If being bad is what it takes to be the WWF Champion, he’ll be as bad as you can be. Bret is seen watching in the back as Shawn says it’s cool if the Canadian fans like Bret more than him. He doesn’t worry about being popular anymore because he’s the WWF Champion.

This brings out a ticked off Bret to a big reaction from the Canadian crowd. Bret says that he’s tried to like Shawn but it’s getting harder and harder all the time. Shawn said it best himself when he called himself a degenerate (there’s a word for the future) and a brawl is imminent when Austin comes in to sneak attack Bret. This draws in Sid to stare down Shawn and we go to a break. Back with Shawn and Bret in the ring with the other guys in the back already. They keep staring each other down until Bret picks up the title belt. He holds it out to Shawn but drops it down when Shawn reaches for it. Nice segment.

We see the contract signing for Tiger Ali Singh. If there has ever been a bigger dud, I can’t think of him off the top of my head.

Intercontinental Title: Marc Mero vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

HHH is defending and this is Mero’s last shot at the title. Also Sable and Mr. Hughes are banned from ringside. Mero runs the champion over to start and scores with a few armdrags to keep his early control. Helmsley rams him into the buckle but walks into a backdrop and gets clotheslined out to the floor. Mero’s dive to the floor misses but he lands on his feet and stays on HHH. Back in and Mero’s second dive hits Helmsley’s knees to give the champion his first advantage.

A not great looking vertical suplex (he almost dropped Mero) gets an easily broken two count and the knee drop gets the same. Mero escapes a suplex and gets two off a rollup, only to get caught in a facebuster. We take a break and come back with both guys down and Mero slamming HHH face first into the mat. Mero scores with a clothesline and knee lift as the match is picking up a bit. HHH is sent out to the floor for a big flip dive over the top from Mero.

Back in and a somersault legdrop gets two on the champion and Mero pounds away in the corner. He charges into a boot in the corner but still manages to crotch Helmsley down on top. A top rope hurricanrana puts HHH down but a delayed cover is only good for two. Helmsley comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put both guys down. Why did he stop using moves like that? He gets back to form by taking the pad off a buckle but walks into a Samoan drop. The Merosault is good for two and the referee sees the exposed buckle. The distraction lets HHH pull out a foreign object for the retaining knockout.

Rating: C+. This started slow but got a lot better as we went along. Helmsley took awhile to find his footing as a heel but the soon to debut Chyna would help him out a lot. The Goldust feud didn’t do anyone any favors though and dragged on for far too long. HHH winning clean here wouldn’t have been horrible either.

We get another clip from the Rumble with Lawler jumping into the ring and getting eliminated by two punches from Bret. Jerry going back to commentary and finishing the sentence he started when he jumped into the ring was awesome.

Farrooq/Mankind vs. Ahmed Johnson/Undertaker

This is anything goes and a way to combine two feuds into one match. Ahmed brings out his 2×4 to even the odds against the Nation. It’s a brawl to start with Undertaker and Mankind fighting to the floor and up the aisle. Ahmed comes off the top with a clothesline but getting caught in a sleeper of all things. The Dead Man comes back in to break it up and the pairs switch off.

Undertaker clotheslines Farrooq down and Johnson rams Mankind back first into the post. The original pairings hook up again as Crush and Savio Vega stroll down to the ring. Back from a break with Mankind hooking the Mandible Claw on the champion. This time it’s Ahmed making the save and planting Mankind with the Pearl River Plunge. Farrooq comes back in with a Dominator to Johnson but Undertaker breaks up the pin. Mankind kicks Undertaker low but the Dead Man kicks a chair into his face.

Johnson goes to the floor and pounds away on the rest of the Nation. Undertaker chokeslams Mankind down but Farrooq breas up the cover. Johnson fights the Nation up the aisle but comes back with his 2×4 to take Farrooq out. Mankind scores with a neckbreaker on Undertaker and here’s Vader to splash the Dead Man. Vader accidentally hits Mankind with the chair and his shot to Undertaker just ticks the Dead Man off. A Tombstone onto the chair puts Mankind away.

Rating: C+. This is the kind of match the show needed to breathe some life back into it. The four guys here just destroyed each other for about ten minutes with no rules or story whatsoever. Sometimes that’s the best way you can run a match at all and the fans were completely into it. Nice showing here.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling was just ok until the end when things picked up, but the atmosphere just crippled the show. It felt like we were in a building that help about 2000 people because the place was so dark. That’s the kind of stuff you expect from a really low level company and not worthy of Monday Night Raw.

Here’s the February 13 show (Thursday Raw Thursday) if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/21/monday-night-raw-february-13-1997-thursday-raw-thursdayshawn-loses-his-smile/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 4, 2013
Location: Bon Secours Wellness Arena, Grenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re back to the red show after last week’s solid outing. There are a lot of things going on at the moment so it’s hard to guess what the focus is going to be tonight. Maybe they’ll even explain why or how Big Show has been doing everything he’s been doing. It would be nice for a change. Let’s get to it.

CM Punk vs. Luke Harper

Punk fires off some right hands to start but Harper easily runs him over with a hard forearm. Naturally Punk fires away as well as he can, backdropping Harper up and over the ropes to the floor. The suicide dive is broken up by a forearm to the head, stopping Punk cold again. Harper puts on the Gator Roll (rolling front facelock) and stops Punk’s comeback with a HARD shot to the face. Punk avoids a charge in the corner though, sending Harper to the floor. Now the suicide dive connects and we take a break.

Back with Harper ripping at Punk’s face before choking him with a boot for a bit. We get another Gator Roll into a chinlock but Punk fights up with some elbows. They slug it out a bit until Punk takes him down with a leg lariat. They blow the swinging neckbreaker spot so Punk hits the running knee in the corner but dives on Rowan instead of hitting the Macho Elbow. Punk loads up the springboard clothesline but dives into Harper’s boot. Luke loads up the discus lariat but Punk ducks underneath and rolls Harper up for the pin at 11:12.

Rating: C. This was fine. I have no problem with Punk beating the help because they’re just impressive minions for Wyatt himself. Harper got to look good out there and that’s what Punk is good for in this feud. The monsters will have their day soon enough and the blowoff match with Wyatt himself will be awesome.

Post match the beatdown is on but Bryan makes the save with a chair to a BIG reaction.

We get a clip from a sitdown interview with HHH where he bans Big Show from WWE for life.

You can pick Orton’s opponent tonight. It’s either Dolph Ziggler, Big E. Langston or The Miz.

Post break Punk says he’s not the only one who hates the Wyatts and he know what it’s like to be outnumbered.

Paul Heyman calls in to say he’s in Europe due to the injuries he suffered at Punk’s hands on top of the Cell. He has herniated discs in his back, bruised kidneys and a broken nose. Heyman starts crying and hangs up.

Earlier tonight Ryback messed with Hornswoggle and Santino until Khali intervened. Ryback called them freaks.

Ryback vs. Great Khali

This is a pretty far fall for Ryback. Khali shoves him down to start and there’s the loud chop in the corner. Ryback is picked up by the ear and chopped over and over in the corner. He comes back with a clothesline but Khali kicks him in the face. The big chop misses and Ryback hits the Meat Hook for the pin at 2:26. This was what it was.

Post match Ryback goes after Hornswoggle and Santino.

We get another clip of Big Show coming in when he was banned. I sense a theme here tonight.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto fires off kicks to the leg to start and easily stops a comeback attempt. Kofi’s jumping back elbow puts Del Rio down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Kingston totally overshoots a flip dive and only grazes Del Rio with his arm. Back in and Del Rio blocks the pendulum kick in the corner and hits a nice double stomp to the chest. The enziguri gets two and we hit the chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Alberto gets two off a German suplex. Del Rio mocks Kofi’s hand slap and gets two off a snap suplex. The tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets the same and we’re off to the chinlock. Back up again and Del Rio’s corner enziguri misses, allowing Kofi to hit an ax handle from the middle rope for two. Kofi’s middle rope cross body gets two more and things speed up a bit, only to have Del Rio kick him in the ribs. A rollup gets two on Alberto but he counters into the armbreaker for the submission at 6:50.

Rating: C. Not bad again here but the ending was never in doubt. That’s what Kofi is best at: making people look good while losing almost all the time. He’s fine with not getting a major push up the card because his legacy is already firmly set. Del Rio is still the same guy he’s been for years though and that’s not good.

We get a video on Big Show’s reasons for a lawsuit, including individual charges.

The announcers tell us all the cool things we can do on the WWE App.

Randy Orton vs. ???

Lawler goes to announce the winner of the poll but Orton says hang on a second. The people don’t have a choice because they’re all failures. All they can do is pick his next victim, which is Langston in a major landslide. Non-title of course. Langston runs Orton over to start, sending him out to the floor. Back in and Langston puts on a front facelock before ramming some forearms into Orton’s face. The champ bails to the floor again and gets knocked HARD off the apron as we take a break.

Back with Orton being rammed into the steps but avoiding another charge from Langston, sending the big man out to the floor. Back in and Orton very slowly stomps away before putting on a chinlock. Langston fights up and rams Orton back first into the buckle before hitting a hard shoulder in the corner. A belly to belly puts Orton down and the Warrior Splash gets two. Orton’s backbreaker gets the same and there’s the Elevated DDT for no cover. The RKO is countered with a big clothesline but Orton escapes the Big Ending and the RKO gets the pin at 12:07.

Rating: C+. This worked though they booked themselves into a corner (again) because you don’t want to job Langston but you also can’t have Orton get pinned without setting up a title program. At least Langston looked good before jobbing, but he shouldn’t have been an option in the stupid poll either.

We see HHH banning Big Show again in case you didn’t get the idea already. We also get more clips of Big Show defying HHH’s regime.

Here’s Cena vs. Rock from Wrestlemania 29….in WWE 2K14.

Fandango/Summer Rae vs. Natalya/Tyson Kidd

Naturally we get to look at a clip from Total Divas before the match starts. The guys get us going with Fandango getting kicked in the ribs. Off to the girls with Summer slapping Natalya in the face and catching her in a body scissors. The announcers spend part of the match reading Tweets, including one from Natalya.

The hot tag brings in The guys with Kidd flying around and pulling Fandango to the floor. A HARD kick to the face from the apron drops Fandango again but a Summer distraction lets Fandango drop Kidd onto the apron. Back in and the guillotine legdrop is countered into the Sharpshooter on Fandango for the win at 3:43.

Rating: D+. Kidd looked good and Summer’s legs were as amazing as ever, but this was a four minute ad for Total Divas and nothing more. That’s been the theme tonight: what can we showcase with wrestling as a backdrop? We’ve gotten plugs for the reality show, the video game, the App, and any other WWE product they can think of other than focusing on the stories.

Damien Sandow looks at a clip of losing his cash-in last week. He’s been looking at himself and doesn’t see an intellectual savior but rather someone who is doing whatever he has to do to get what he wants. The Real Americans come in with Zeb praising Sandow before their six man tag tonight.

The announcers continue their Big Show debate. Seriously, each is getting to present evidence of whether he should be banned or not.

Here’s Cena for his match but beforehand he talks about how great WWE is for partnering with the Susan G. Kommen Foundation to help cure cancer. Some breast cancer survivors are here tonight.

John Cena/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. Real Americans/Damien Sandow

Rematch from the great main event on Smackdown. Colter and Del Rio are on commentary so the bickering can continue. Cena and Sandow get us going but it’s quickly off to Cody with a sunset flip out of the corner for two. Off to Goldust who cranks on Swagger’s arm before bringing in Cody for a double back elbow. Tyson Kidd is the #1 trending topic in the world, which Cole says, and I quote, “shows the power of Total Divas.”

Anyway, Cesaro comes in for a showdown with Cena as the announcers continue their mindless bickering. Cesaro shoves him into the corner for an uppercut but walks into a fisherman’s suplex for two. We hit a chinlock on Antonio before Goldust comes back in with a bulldog for two. Cena comes back in and chases Sandow to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cesaro hitting Swiss Death on Cena for two. Swagger comes in with the Vader Bomb for the same and it’s quickly back to Sandow.

Cena takes him down with a shoulder but Swagger breaks up the hot tag attempt. The announcers are now using one word Spanish insults on each other, making it sound like a bad sitcom. Swagger’s Patriot Lock doesn’t last long on Cena so it’s back to Antonio, only to have Cena score with a hurricanrana. Sandow breaks up the tag attempt again by going after the bad arm for two. Cena powers out of a top wristlock but can’t hit the AA. Sandow clotheslines him down but Cena counters another one into a powerbomb of all things. There’s the hot tag to Goldust as things speed up.

Cesaro gets caught by the top rope crossbody for two as everything breaks down. Everyone hits their finishers with Swagger and Cena being sent to the floor. There’s the Cesaro Swing to Goldust with JBL counting in Spanish for absolutely no apparent reason. Goldust falls to the floor so Cena sends Cesaro into Colter. Back inside and Goldust hits the ugliest springboard bulldog ever for two. Cody’s moonsault press puts Sandow down and Cena hits a high cross body on Cesaro. Goldust’s Final Cut (spinning suplex into a neckbreaker) pins Antonio at 15:20.

Rating: B-. The original on Smackdown was better but I really liked the action here. On the other hand, the commentary was absolutely horrendous. It wasn’t funny, it didn’t add ANYTHING to the match, it distracted me from what was going on in the ring, and ignored the match for the sake of stupid Spanish jokes. The commentary felt like a scene from a sitcom which was trying WAY too hard. Absolutely horrible waste of a solid match.

In case you didn’t get the idea earlier, here’s the EXACT SAME VIDEO on Big Show’s lawsuit.

Big Show, the man banned for life about five times now, is of course here.

HHH is furious but Stephanie comes in and says she let him in at the board of directors’ insistence. It’s not about HHH and Stephanie anymore but rather the business. Stephanie throws in a line about HHH never minding to take the McMahon money but not liking the responsibilities that come with it.

Curtis Axel vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title again. Axel takes him down to start and drops some elbows to the back of Dolph’s head and we hit the chinlock. The announcers continue the debate about Big Show’s charges because the fans watch wrestling to hear a legal debate, right? Ziggler fights back and pounds away in the corner but gets caught with a clothesline to the back of the head for two. Not that it matters as the Zig Zag connects for the pin on Axel at 4:47.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible but there’s no value in beating Axel anymore. I’m guessing the story is that Axel can’t win because he doesn’t have Heyman to guide him, but considering he hardly ever wins anyway, why is this supposed to be anything of note? Ziggler continues to float around doing nothing of note.

We recap the opening segment. Bryan says he was out for payback tonight.

Vickie doesn’t bring Big Show to HHH’s office as ordered but says Big Show wants to meet HHH in the ring.

3MB vs. Usos

Slater and McIntyre here with 3MB starting off fast with Slater hitting a springboard dropkick of all things. A double suplex puts Jimmy down and we hit a quick armbar on the Uso. Back to McIntyre who gets kicked in the face, allowing for the hot tag to Jey. The Superfly Splash is good for the pin on Drew at 2:20. Absolutely nothing here.

Los Matadores are in the back with Renee Young when Torito comes in. Apparently he’s horny and might gore Renee in the knees. She is WAY too talented for this.

Bella Twins/Eva Marie vs. Aksana/AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka

Tamina starts with a Samoan Drop to Nikki before it’s off to AJ for a guillotine choke. Nikki slams her down and brings in Brie to clean house. Tamina will have none of that though and runs over Brie and Eva, only to miss the Superfly Splash. Eva tags herself in and steals the pin on Tamina at 2:45. I really think WWE expects us to care about this.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to call out Big Show. The giant trades a few jabs with them before saying this isn’t about money, but rather just wanting his job back. Stephanie gives it back to him so Big Show starts a YES chant. Oh and he wants a huge bonus too. He doesn’t want money though, but rather to be the face of the WWE since he’s been here 18 years (It’s 14. He debuted 18 years ago). This brings out Shield and we take a break.

Post break Big Show tells HHH to tread lightly because of what he’s got hanging over HHH’s head (the lawsuit I believe?). Big Show demands a title shot at Survivor Series but HHH gets in his face and threatens to leave Big Show laying if he doesn’t drop it. Big Show leaves but threatens to sue WWE for ownership of the company. HHH gives him the title shot after Big Show makes him say it four times. On top of that, HHH makes a match right now.

Big Show vs. Shield/Randy Orton

Show is in a suit and Orton’s music hits at 11:04pm. The four of them swarm Big Show and there’s a spear about 15 seconds into the match. Shield beats him down and Orton tells them to pick him up. Show fights out of an attempted TripleBomb and chokeslams Reigns down. The other Shield guys are taken down by a double suplex, leaving us one on one.

This brings out Kane in a suit with some very short hair (the look really works for him actually) for a distraction, allowing Seth to hit a top rope knee to the head. The RKO connects but Orton wants a chair, drawing the DQ at 3:07. If you’re expecting a rating you haven’t been paying attention.

Post match Orton wants Big show put through the table. The TripleBomb (not a bad looking one either) through the table ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a REALLY tough one to grade. I actually liked most of the wrestling tonight which kept some stories going and came off more like an episode of Smackdown in a good way. On the other hand though, there’s everything else. To begin with, the constant plugging of everything on the planet is annoying, though understandable. WWE is a business after all and they need to shill stuff. I can live with that.

Then there’s the stuff that you might have noticed getting on my nerves tonight. Above all else, there’s the commentary. It has reached the point where it’s making good matches a misery to sit through because of how unbearable it is. Cole, JBL and Jerry aren’t funny and have the most unnaturally forced “chemistry” I’ve ever heard. They spend WAY too much time on unfunny jokes that most people aren’t going to get and even fewer people are going to care about at all. It needs to stop and stop soon. I understand the idea of trying to sound like people watching the show, but it’s not working in the slightest.

Finally there’s the story that dominated the show. This Big Show vs. HHH story is just not working and a lot of that is due to the overuse of the lawsuit idea in recent months. I can probably come up with four different instances of someone in WWE suing someone else in the last year and a half. That’s reaching the level of stable wars in TNA and that’s not good.

We had to sit through video package after video package about Big Show being suspended and then he just strolls into the arena, making the rest of the show a waste of our time. That’s not going to get people to watch and it’s hard to sit through. Good wrestling, bad everything else tonight.

Results

CM Punk b. Luke Harper – Rollup

Ryback b. Great Khali – Meat Hook

Alberto Del Rio b. Kofi Kingston – Cross armbreaker

Randy Orton b. Big E. Langston – RKO

Tyson Kidd/Natalya b. Summer Rae/Fandango – Sharpshooter to Fandango

John Cena/Goldust/Cody Rhodes b. Real Americans/Damien Sandow – Final Cut to Cesaro

Usos b. 3MB – Superfly Splash to McIntyre

Bella Twins/Eva Marie b. Tamina Snuka/AJ Lee/Aksana – Rollup to Snuka

Big Show b. Randy Orton/Shield via DQ when Orton and Shield used chairs

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 31, 2011
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Stars; The Muppets

I’m not going to lie: I’m a diehard Muppets fan. I’m going to absolutely lose it when they come out and I don’t care who knows about it. As for the show, I really don’t care as it’s going to pale in comparison to all of the stuff with them. Henry vs. Punk is happening tonight and if Punk wins, he gets the shot at Del Rio in New York. Let’s get to it.

We open with Rock on satellite from earlier today. This is his response to Cena’s request for Rock to be his tag partner. Rock is pretty calm here. He says they both represent a generation and Rock (with some gray in his beard) says no. Why would he join up with the Fruit Loop Troop when Cena has been going after Rock for years?

However, the people started talking about how Rock had to do this. With that, he listened to the people and in that sense, Cena’s wish is coming true and at Survivor Series they’ll be a team for one night only. Also though, Rock is doing this so that Cena can witness what is waiting for him at Wrestlemania. The match is on.

Cena vs. Miz later.

CM Punk vs. Mark Henry

We get some exclusive footage from Vengeance, which is just the ring collapsing. They showed this on Smackdown ads last week but it’s called “never before seen”. So they don’t even watch Raw anymore? Before the match starts here’s Johnny Ace who says that if Punk can beat Henry he gets the shot at Del Rio. They probably needed to tell the live crowd that.

Punk tries to fight down the monster but gets caught in a powerslam for two. Punk sends him into the corner and hits a slingshot clothesline and the Macho Elbow for two. Alberto and Ricardo come down with Alberto giving Ricardo some specific instructions. Ricardo comes in and attacks Henry who shoves him off. That isn’t a DQ so Ricardo comes in with a shoe and that’s enough for the DQ at 2:35. That fits in the story so I can’t complain here.

Punk beats on Ricardo a bit and throws him in for the Slam.

THE MUPPETS ARE NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In two weeks, it’s the return of Rock to Raw. What is this, his third return special in 9 months?

HERE THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s Kermit and Miss Piggy and I can’t stop smiling. They come up from behind a stage and are kind of cheered. Piggy calls herself the original Diva and that brings out Vickie and Dolph. Swagger says it ain’t easy being a plate of frog legs and a ham sandwich. Kermit tries to play peacemaker and says they don’t want trouble from Swagger and his mother. Piggy and Vickie get into a shoving match and here’s Santino to a pop. He announces himself vs. Swagger later but Swagger closes Kermit’s mouth for him. Kermit faints from a lack of air. Santino says there will be no Dolph in Jack’s corner tonight because he has to face Ryder. Kermit and Piggy say WOO WOO WOO You Know It.

Here’s Kelly for no apparent reason in….some kind of costume. She has a cowboy had and a sword. Kelly kisses Kermit and Piggy is MAD. There’s a Divas costume battle royal next.

Battle Royal

They’re all in costumes and I’m not going to list off what they’re all in. Eve is Robin, the Bellas rule all as Mario and Luigi. AJ is a chick from Mortal Kombat. The match of course is junk as are most battle royals. Natalya is in there as….some kind of queen I guess. Kaitlyn is Dog the Bounty Hunter and is out.

We’re down to Nattie, Kelly, the Bellas and Eve. Eve beats up both Bellas and Alicia is in this still too. There go the twins after a Stinkface from Kelly. Natalya tries a cover out of instinct which Beth got on Eve for earlier. There goes Alicia as well as Kelly, but Eve dumps Nattie for the win at 2:45. She’s #1 contender now.

The good chicks stand down the evil ones and the bad ones leave.

OFF TO MUPPET LABS!!! Bunsen Honeydew has a potion for Santino and sends Beaker after him. Beaky runs into Christian instead and the Canadian steals the potion, pouring it out. Sheamus pops up behind Beaker who now has his head stuck inside his shirt. Christian leaves and Sheamus fixes Beaker. Beaker talks to Sheamus…..who says he can’t make the family reunion, but tell Aunt Teresa he says high. Sheamus fixes Beaker’s hair to look like his.

Air Boom vs. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett

The bell rings after a break. Bourne vs. Rhodes starts us off but it’s off to Kofi about ten seconds in. Kofi hits kind of a spinning pendulum kick in the corner but gets taken down by Rhodes kicking the rope on a springboard. Off to Barrett (in dark gray instead of black) who hits a Bossman Slam and then a chinlock. Barrett actually throws some punches and it’s back to Kofi. Kofi is beaten on for a bit until it’s a hot tag to Bourne. He speeds things way up and counters Wasteland into a DDT for two. Everything breaks down and Kofi is sent to the floor. Bourne gets caught in Wasteland and we’re done at 5:22.

Rating: C-. I don’t get that at all. What is the point in having the champions lose clean again to a thrown together heel combination? The match wasn’t horrible, but why did they need to lose twice like that? I don’t understand at all and it’s book like this that makes the tag division and champions in general look weak.

Post match Christian comes out for some reason to help beat down Kofi but Sheamus makes the save and kicks Cody’s head off.

STATLER AND WALDORF ARE IN THE BALCONY!!!! Statler does the WHAT chant to annoy Waldorf.

Punk comes in to see Ace, who he makes fun of. Ace says Punk can have the title match, if he can convince Alberto to give him one.

Brodus Clay is here next week.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Show pounds away in the corner and Del Rio is in trouble early on. It’s domination for the first few minutes with Del Rio only managing a few kicks to the legs. Show misses a charge but hits a clothesline to keep his momentum. Alberto grabs a sleeper which shifts into a chinlock. Show breaks it up and we head to the floor where Show pounds away on him. The bald one misses a charge into the barricade and Del Rio misses an enziguri which is sold anyway.

Alberto hooks a front facelock back in the ring but Show throws him off with relative ease. Both guys are down now. For some reason, Del Rio wants to slug it out with Show as they’re on their knees. Somehow Show is knocked down for two but he easily shoves out of it. Shoe sends him to the floor again and we take a break. Back with Del Rio working on the leg as this is needing to end soon. Speaking of that, Del Rio is sent to the floor and when he comes back in, he walks into the punch for the pin clean at 14:00. Another champion loses.

Rating: C-. The psychology was there for the most part but parts of this were way boring. Show is a guy you have to wrestle a certain way which I think Alberto did here for the most part. Not a bad match, but it needed to have about three and a half minutes cut out of it for the match to work.

Post match here’s Punk while Del Rio is still out cold. He pours water on Del Rio to take him up. Punk wants a clean answer and says before he gets that answer, Punk is going to put on the Anaconda Vice. There’s the hold and Del Rio agrees to the match. His mic goes out again but Punk shouts into the other one that HE SAID YES.

FOZZIE AND GONZO ARE IN THE BACK!!! They talk about how big the guys are and Gonzo says he could be a champion if he tried. Team Vickie comes up and pulls Gonzo’s arms through his shirt to tie him up, saying stay out of Ziggler’s match later. Gonzo is cool with it and Fozzie isn’t sure what to say.

Muppet Movie promo. Oh yes.

Animal is the guest time keeper for the next match. He’s as crazy looking as ever.

Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

Swagger beats him down quickly and does pushups on Santino’s back. The fans want Ryder. Swagger grabs the ankle lock but Santino rolls through it. Here’s Beaker with the energy drink to give to Santino. He winds up spitting it into Swagger’s face for the rollup pin at 2:37. Harmless fun.

Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is non-title. Basic start with a missile dropkick missing and we head to the floor. Dolph is put down and we take a break. Back with Ziggler in control, working on the neck. A neckbreaker puts Ryder down and Dolph nips up. Ryder catches him in a slingshot and they slug it out. A flapjack puts Ziggler down and here’s the Broski Boot for two.

Ryder gets a double knee to Ziggler’s chest in the corner for the pin but Ziggler’s foot was on the rope. The bell rings but it gets waved off due to the feet. Zack chases him around the ring but Vickie interferes. A superkick puts Ryder down but he avoids the Zig Zag. The Rough Ryder pins Ziggler clean at 8:54.

Rating: C. Do they know if they want Ryder or Ryan to take the title off Ziggler yet? It’s really unclear at times but maybe that’s the point. You do have to give them credit for giving Ryder a push due to his crowd reactions lately. Not a horrible match, but they need to either have him win the title or move him on to something else.

We recap HHH/Nash from last week. It’s 10:47 and we have Miz vs. Cena and Cole’s Challenge to go. Doesn’t Nash have a contract already? Why would he need another one? HHH will be out five weeks and Nash has been re-signed.

Cole gets on the announce table and says Ross isn’t here tonight due to something regarding his bowels. Yeah yeah here we go again. Adult diaper jokes are made and the Challenge is moved to next week due to having too much on the show I guess.

Statler and Waldorf make fun of Cole but the laugh isn’t quite right.

Miss Piggy is rubbing Morrison’s abs and Morrison isn’t sure what to make of this. She hits on him but Morrison says he has a friend for her. It’s Horny, who now has a Piggy tattoo on his ankle. He kisses her but gets karate chopped for his efforts. Kermit comes up and Horny is in love. Cody comes in and bags Kermit. SOMEBODY SHOOT THAT MAN!!!

So yeah, no Cole vs. Ross tonight despite it being pushed harder than anything most of the week.

John Cena vs. The Miz

Statler and Waldorf make fun of Miz a bit. This has easily been the weakest part of the Muppet part of the show. We go to a break before the bell….at 10:55. The bell rings after 11pm so this is going to be short. Totally basic match so far and we’re over five minutes into it. There’s just nothing to say because they’re flying through it for the sake of time. Miz hits some of his basic stuff until Cena fires back with a big running clothesline which gets two. Cena hits a superplex for two and we head to the floor. A guy in a Scream mask hits Cena and back in the ring….it means nothing as the STF ends this at 9:00.

Rating: C-. Hard to fault them here because they had to rush things and the match didn’t mean much at all. Cena is always good for a quick one though, even though this would have fit better at a house show more than on Raw. For a main event though, especially for a fun show like this, I can’t fault it much.

Post match the Scream guy comes in again and takes an AA. It’s Truth.

Overall Rating: B. Ok now that’s likely high because of the Muppet involvement but they’re my reviews so who cares? The Muppets fall squarely under the category of “if you don’t like this at least a tiny bit, you have no soul.” This was designed to be a fun show and that’s exactly what it was. Rock/Cena was officially set up, the traditional Survivor Series match was planned and that’s all that needed to happen. The Muppets were fun and that’s all there is to this show.

Results
Mark Henry b. CM Punk via DQ when Ricardo Rodriguez interfered
Eve Torres won a battle royal last eliminating Natalya
Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes b. Air Boom – Wasteland to Bourne
Big Show b. Alberto Del Rio – WMD
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Dolph Ziggler – Rough Ryder
John Cena b. The Miz – STF

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This isn’t something that has me on my toes.Coming out of Raw, it appears that the title feud going forward will be Big Show vs. Randy Orton, with the two fighting at least at Survivor Series.  The idea is supposed to be that Big Show has lost everything, including his home and has nothing left to lose.  However, now he’s right back where he was, challenging for the world title and likely in the main event of a major PPV.  Let’s pause here for a minute and jump back to the 80s, in particular 1984 in Georgia Championship Wrestling.

Around this time, the top feud over the NWA TV Title was between Jake Roberts and Ron Garvin.  Roberts defeated Garvin for the title and Garvin of course wanted a rematch.  For weeks and weeks he begged Roberts for the title shot but Roberts kept saying no.  Finally Roberts agreed if Garvin could come up with $10,000.  Garvin didn’t have that kind of money so he mortgaged his home and came up with the money.  Ronnie won the title back in an emotional moment and was able to fix his financial situation.

Now compare this to the Big Show story.  We were told that Big Show lost everything, told that HHH bought Big Show’s house and told that Big Show was suspended.  Now Big Show is back, still with music, still coming down the entrance, still with new merchandise, and apparently still fighting at house shows and presumably at Survivor Series.  Where’s the heartache?  Where’s the reason for us to care about him?

The key difference between Big Show and Garvin: we saw Garvin being hurt by the loss and we’ve been told about Big Show being hurt.  Secondly, Big Show lost his house what, a month ago?  He’s been back with nothing to lose and hasn’t once even seemed sad.  There’s no reason to feel his pain and therefore, the story isn’t quite working.  It’s just Big Show saying he’s had problems but having it not change anything at all.  That doesn’t work.