Monday Night Raw
Date: September 2, 2013
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re closing in on Night of Champions with the main story still being Bryan vs. the Corporation. The interesting turn of events on Smackdown was Big Show getting very close to helping Bryan without actually doing so, by standing over Bryan to prevent Shield from attacking him. It only lasted for a few moments though as HHH made him leave to humiliate Show again, but the fuse is about to run out. Let’s get to it.

We open with Shield in their now usual spot between the ring and the stage and HHH in the ring. The Game introduces Orton for his opening address. Orton talks about how it’s his job to protect this company and he won’t let its image be tarnished. If you disrespect Orton, you’re disrespecting the WWE. The fans disagree with this theory and let the champion know about it. Last week Daniel Bryan defaced Orton’s new car so on Smackdown, Orton defaced Bryan by spray painting him.

Orton plays the audience’s favorite game by asking questions and then answering them himself. Does Bryan deserve a title shot? NO. Would Bryan have a chance against Randy Orton? NO. Will Bryan ever be an A-list player? NO. Should Bryan give up his title shot at Night of Champions? YES! HHH says that it’s his job to give the fans what they want every week. Over the last few weeks, HHH has been starting to worry about the health and well being of Daniel Bryan.

That’s a problem and the fans are making it even worse with their YES chants. Those chants are making Daniel Bryan confuse popularity with what is best for business. A few years ago there was a superstar named Doink the Clown. Doink was wildly popular but the idea of Doink being WWE Champion would have been bad for business. Daniel Bryan will never be WWE Champion, but maybe HHH can bring back the Cruiserweight or European Titles as realistic goals for Bryan.

Cue Bryan to the arena to say that HHH and Orton have made some great points. Bryan is thrilled to be compared to Doink the Clown but he doesn’t think Doink ever got chants like the ones he’s getting. The only clowns are standing in the ring right now because they think he’s actually giving up his title shot. HHH already gave up his manhood when he cut his hair and became a sellout and Orton gave up being in the WWE Title picture until someone gave him the title on a silver platter.

Bryan says he won’t give up his title shot and Orton wants to know why Bryan would be willing to take so many beatings. Bryan talks about how he’s used to being told he can’t do things but he’s proven everything wrong. That’s something Orton can never understand because he was handed everything. Daniel doesn’t think he can beat Orton for the WWE Championship because he knows he can.

Orton and HHH know it too because they keep putting him in handicap matches and gauntlet matches instead of letting them go one on one. Orton may have the genetics of a champion but he doesn’t have the heart of a champion. HHH wants to know why Bryan is so angry all the time. The anger should be directed at Big Show for never helping him when he has an iron clad contract. Therefore tonight it’s Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan.

HHH and Orton are in the back and seem very pleased with their decisions tonight. They run into Cody Rhodes who thinks the main event tonight will be great as long as no one gets involved. HHH wants to know why people would get involved. Cody asks Orton why he doesn’t want to face Daniel Bryan because that would be best for business. HHH doesn’t like Cody’s input and gives him a match with Randy Orton as a wedding present. If Cody loses he’s out of a job.

Fandango vs. The Miz

A hiptoss puts Fandango down but he rolls to the floor to escape the Figure Four. Miz sends Fandango into the barricade and does a quick dance with Summer before heading back inside. Fandango gets in a few shots to take over but a kick to the chest gets two for Miz. We hit the chinlock and take a break. Back with Fandango in control despite apparently having a broken nose.

Fandango goes to the middle rope but gets taken down by a dragon screw legwhip. The Figure Four is countered again and Miz misses the corner clothesline. A slingshot legdrop puts Miz down but it hurts Fandango’s leg again. Not that it matters as Miz puts on the Figure Four from the mat for the submission at 8:15.

Rating: D. The match was pretty bad but it’s understandable if Fandango got hurt halfway through it. I can even forgive the lack of a Skull Crushing Finale as you don’t want Fandango’s injured face going straight into the mat. Not much to see here but it’s a bit more understandable given the circumstances.

Booker T gives Daniel Bryan a pep talk but thinks maybe Bryan should give up his title match. Bryan: “Tell me you didn’t just say that.” It’s about Bryan’s life, not the title. Booker warns that HHH and company could ruin his life.

We recap Heyman/Axel vs. Punk from last week.

Dolph Ziggler vs. ???

Ziggler is here for a match but Dean Ambrose jumps him from behind and sends Ziggler into the post. Ambrose says Dolph needs to show more respect. Here’s Dolph’s opponent.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback

Ziggler says he can go but walks right into an overhead belly to belly. Ryback pounds away at the back of his head and tosses Ziggler around by the hair. Dolph is stomped down as the idiot fans tell Ryback that he can’t wrestle. The Meat Hook is blocked by a dropkick followed by a Stinger Splash and right hands in the corner. Not that they matter though as the Meat Hook takes Dolph down and Shell Shock is good for the pin at 3:06.

Rating: D+. Again no time to go anywhere here but it sets up Ziggler vs. Ambrose at the PPV for the US Title. Ryback can be fine as a guy who just beats up various people until he has an actual feud with someone standing up to him. Also it’s a good idea to have Ziggler beaten down in advance to build sympathy for him.

Brad Maddox tells Stephanie and HHH that Big Show isn’t willing to fight Bryan tonight. Stephanie will deal with this in public.

Here’s Stephanie to deal with Big Show. She talks about how Big Show helped her grow up

backstage as a kid and how much she respects him. Big Show comes out and is told sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to. She reminds him that he’s broke due to handing out too much money and some bad investments.

The iron clad contract doesn’t work if he doesn’t perform and his career can’t go on much longer due to getting older. How many other jobs are there for people his size? Stephanie says that the reality for Big Show is he won’t live that long because of his size, so he needs to take care of his family while he can. I have no idea what to say to that. Stephanie hugs him and Big Show is about to cry.

Edge will be back next week for one night only. Cool.

Big Show broke a lot of stuff during the break.

Here’s how to download the WWE App because the WWE thinks you’re stupid.

3MB vs. Prime Time Players

It’s Slater and Mahal for 3MB tonight. Slater starts with Titus and is quickly launched into the corner. Titus stomps him down and blows the whistle at the same time (Cole: “Whistle while you work!”) before it’s off to Young. Mahal comes in and gets caught in an atomic drop for two. The announcers of course ignore the match to talk about Big Show and his contract.

Young gets taken down and triple teamed by the Band with Slater getting two off a neckbreaker. Mahal comes in to drop a bunch of knees to the chest but Slater charges into an overhead belly to belly suplex. The hot tag brings in Titus who gets two off a big boot to Mahal. Everything breaks down and the Clash of the Titus gets the pin on Mahal at 5:28.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here again but it’s better than the Real Americans losing over and over again. The Players are probably going to get a title shot assuming the Shield keeps the belts that much longer. They’re not bad in the ring or anything and the fans are into the dance so no complaints for the most part.

Brad Maddox is on the phone when Heyman comes in and says get off. Heyman isn’t pleased with the idea of having to face Punk at Night of Champions because he’ll disappear if Punk gets his hands on him. He wants an explanation but here’s HHH to say he approved that match. Heyman’s tone changes as he asks why HHH made the match. HHH talks about how it’s what the fans want and maybe Heyman can weasel his way out of it.

Bray Wyatt talks about the story of Icarus flying too close to the sun and melting his wax wings. Kane tried to get too close to the Wyatt Family and it was like a lamb being led to the slaughter. Kane made his bed and now he’s burning in it.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

If Cody loses he’s gone. Orton pounds away in the corner to start and takes him down with a clothesline. Rhodes is draped over the top rope and sent out to the floor, but he sends Randy into the steps for a breather. Cody cranks on the arm and gets two off a dropkick before pounding away in the corner. Orton gets choked on the ropes but comes back with a poke to the eye for two. More right hands have Randy in control but Cody comes back with a release front suplex and right hands of his own in the corner. Orton hits the backbreaker out of said corner to send Cody to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Orton throwing Cody back inside for two but Cody comes back with an elbow to the jaw and an uppercut to put Rhodes down. A springboard missile dropkick gets a close two and the Disaster Kick gets the same. Orton sidesteps the moonsault press and puts Cody down with the Elevated DDT. The RKO is countered into the Cross Rhodes out of nowhere for a VERY close two. I thought that was it. The fans are WAY into Cody here but Orton snaps his throat across the top rope. Back in and Rhodes gets two off a rollup but another Disaster Kick misses and the RKO connects for the pin at 13:35.

Rating: B. When you have me believing that Cody Rhodes could beat Randy Orton, you’re doing something right. I’m not sure where they’re going to go with Cody now as he got a good rub here but apparently he’s gone for a bit due to the loss. Either they’re going back on what they said or he’s really taking time off for some reason. Still though, good match here.

HHH comes out to praise Cody but fires him anyway. The fans chant for Cody as he limps to the back.

Here’s CM Punk with a kendo stick and something to say. He says “I promise” which are words that don’t mean much to a lot of people around here. Punk says he’s tired of empty threats and that he’s having trouble of trying to come up with what to say next. Right now he doesn’t want to wrestle because he wants to fight. He wants to fight Paul Heyman and if he has to go through Curtis Axel to do so then that’s fine with him.

After what happened last week, even he doesn’t want to fight himself right now. Punk guarantees that in 13 days, he’s going to get what he wants. Heyman has been talking about Punk breaking his heart, but at Night of Champions Punk is going to break Heyman’s face. He promises.

We look at Heyman attacking Punk last week.

Big Show comes in to apologize to Bryan for the match tonight but Bryan understands and says he’ll win.

We recap AJ’s promo from last week on the Total Divas. It’s going to be interesting to see who is supposed to be cheered in this story.

Natalya vs. Naomi vs. Brie Bella

The winner gets AJ at Night of Champions. AJ comes out for commentary and Natalya gets a quick rollup for two on Naomi. Brie hits her X-Factor for two on Naomi as well as AJ talks about how worthless the Total Divas are. Naomi tries a sunset flip on Brie but Natalya sends the Bella to the floor. The Sharpshooter is countered into a small package for two but Natalya catches Brie coming off the top with a cross body. Naomi hits the Rear View on Natalya but AJ comes in for the DQ at 1:48. Fourway for the title I guess.

The Total Divas beat AJ down and leave her laying.

Los Matadores are still coming.

Damien Sandow vs. Rob Van Dam

Since RVD hasn’t beaten Sandow enough times already. Sandow pounds away in the corner and hooks a quick chinlock. More stomping ensues until Van Dam comes back with some kicks to the face. Cue Del Rio for a distraction, allowing Damien to knock Rob to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Rob fighting out of a chinlock, only to be put right back in the same hold. Rob fights up again but gets caught in an Edge-O-Matic for two. The Russian legsweep and Wind-Up Elbow get the same and it’s off to a double chicken wing. Rob fights up again and kicks Sandow down before getting two off Rolling Thunder. Damien gets snapped across the top rope and the Five Star gets the pin at 10:06. Del Rio never did anything.

Rating: D+. I’m tempted to just skip Sandow’s matches from now on. I haven’t thought he could win a singles match in weeks and there was no reason to assume he was going to do so here either. I believe his last singles win was in June, but we’re supposed to buy him as a world title contender. Hopefully he loses the case or something soon.

Stephanie makes the obvious fatal fourway for the title shot at the PPV.

We recap tonight’s show.

Cody is escorted from the building by security and admits that Orton was the better man. He rants about how much the McMahons have hated the Rhodes over the years and walks away.

The roster comes out to watch the main event again.

Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show

Big Show doesn’t want to do this so Bryan goes after him, only to be shoved down. Bryan comes right back at him again with Big Show shouting don’t make him do this. Show throws him to the floor with Big Show saying calm down. Bryan comes back in again and takes Show down with some kicks, only to have Big Show LAUNCH him off in a kickout. The running dropkick in the corner has Big Show staggered but Bryan charges into a superkick. There are the chops to Bryan’s chest and a hard slam for good measure.

Show tells Daniel to stop fighting but Bryan keeps coming at him. Bryan dropkicks the knee out and fires off the kicks. A short DDT gets two but Big Show powers out again. Bryan goes up but dives into a shoulder to the ribs. Show loads up the WMD but starts to walk away. This draws out HHH and the Shield with the Game saying get back in the ring right now. Show keeps going as Shield gets in and beats Bryan down for the DQ at 5:56.

Rating: C-. This was fine but as usual there’s only so much you can do with Bryan against a guy this size. The match wasn’t all that bad and Bryan did what he could, but this was all about the story instead of the match. There’s nothing wrong with that, but on a night with some pretty lame wrestling we needed more than this.

Post match Big Show is about to cry again when HHH says knock Bryan out. Show loads up the punch but rolls to the floor instead. Stephanie meets him in the aisle and says think about his family which sends Big Show back inside. HHH tells him to knock Bryan out again and after showing off his Knucklehead level acting chops, Big Show knocks Bryan out. This would be the sixth consecutive show ending with Daniel Bryan laid out since he won the WWE Championship. Show leaves but here’s Orton to stand over Bryan to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was exhausting. For one thing it was the return of the WWE App as the announcers spent a long time explaining how great it was and how much we needed to download it. The match quality was pretty horrible other than the Orton match and the main event but that’s to be expected anymore. This is another example of how the show would be on fire if these were two hour shows but at three hours, the show is just extra warm.

Results

The Miz b. Fandango – Figure Four

Ryback b. Dolph Ziggler – Shell Shock

Prime Time Players b. 3MB – Clash of the Titus to Mahal

Randy Orton b. Cody Rhodes – RKO

Natalya vs. Brie Bella vs. Naomi went to a no contest when AJ Lee interfered

Rob Van Dam b. Damien Sandow – Five Star Frog Splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 18, 2002
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 13,967
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

No Way Out has passed and the main story is Hogan/Hall/Nash have returned to the company for the first time in years. Last night they kept Austin from winning the title, setting up their first feud in the company. Other than that there isn’t much to say, but we’re officially on the road to Wrestlemania, which is only four weeks long this year. Let’s get to it.

Here’s a very ticked off Austin to open the show. He has Jericho beaten last night but the NWO came in when Austin had Jericho right where he wanted him. Three pieces of trash came down to the ring (JR: “That’s the NWO.” Thanks Jimmy.) and now Austin wants them all here right now. The NWO comes to the stage and Austin says he has a Stunner for all of them. They huddle up but Austin says there’s nothing to think about. The NWO comes to the ring but turns around and walks away. Austin says he’s going to stand in this ring and drink beer all night until he gets a piece of the NWO.

We take a break six minutes into the show and come back with Austin threatening to go on strike until the NWO comes out here for a fight. Instead he gets Kurt Angle with a legion of security. Angle has something to say so Austin launches beer cans at him. Kurt says it’s his time now and if there’s one thing he can’t stand it’s a crybaby. Austin is sitting in a chair on the far side of the ring and is hitting Kurt who is only a few feet down the ramp. That’s one heck of an arm.

The security (off duty cops according to Angle) and Angle come to the ring because Angle has an announcement to make. Austin keeps throwing beers and isn’t interested in getting out of the ring at all. Angle finally gets in the ring and says he’ll make his announcement with Austin there: HE’S GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA! Austin is tired of listening and takes Kurt down, drawing in the security for right hands, meaning Austin is being arrested.

Post break Austin is taken into the police car where Angle and the NWO taunt him.

Hardy Boys vs. Lance Storm/Christian

Lance starts with Matt and neither guy can hit a hiptoss. Matt takes him down with a clothesline and it’s off to Jeff for the fangirl pop. A dropkick puts Christian on the floor and Jeff hits the legdrop between Lance’s legs. Jeff goes up top but gets crotched down by Christian who comes in to take over. Jeff makes a quick comeback but misses a dropkick, keeping Christian in control.

Back to Storm who gets kicked in the chest, allowing for the hot tag off to Matt. House is cleaned but everything breaks down. Jeff misses a dive to the floor and Christian gets two off the reverse DDT to Matt. Christian has a tantrum and Lita hits the Litacanrana to Storm on the floor. The Unprettier (Killswitch) is countered into the Twist of Fate and Jeff’s Swanton gets the pin.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t anything to this one and the announcers ignoring the match to talk about how horrible the arrest was didn’t help things. The Hardys’ time was over by this point due to them not having anyone of note to feud with. The Dudleys weren’t going to do anything else of note at the moment so the tag division was clearly on the decline.

Kurt Angle comes in to see Stephanie so she can congratulate him for his accomplishments in the last 24 hours. Flair comes in and makes a rematch of HHH vs. Angle for the Mania title shot with Stephanie barred from ringside. Thanks for paying for the PPV people!

Undertaker asks a stagehand where Flair’s office is. “Uh…Ric Flair?” “THE CO-OWNER OF THE COMPANY! YOUR BOSS! WHERE IS HIS OFFICE!” “Down the hall to the left.” “WAS THAT SO HARD???” That was hilarious for some reason. Taker goes into Flair’s office and wants a match with Naitch at Wrestlemania. Flair says no because he’s an owner now.

The NWO is leaving to go get dinner but Hogan says he has something personal to take care of and to send the car back for him in about half an hour.

Mr. Perfect vs. Kane

Before the match, Perfect calls out Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher for failing in the playoffs. Mr. Perfect NEVER loses you see. Kane knocks him to the floor with ease as the arena is full of smoke from Kane’s entrance. Back in and Kane easily fights out of the PerfectPlex and the chokeslam is good for the fast pin. Basically a squash.

Here’s Hogan with something to say. He talks about how great it is to be back in a WWF ring because the WWF made him a legend. Hogan and the fans have fought everyone from Russians to monsters to Andre the Giant and they did it all together. Then in 1993, the fans stopped caring about him and drove him out of the WWF, just like the Chicago fans did to Michael Jordan. For doing that, all of the fans can stick it. Hogan goes into a rant about how he made wrestling what it is today and says no one is a bigger icon than he is.

Cue the Rock and it’s time to set up Wrestlemania. They circle each other and Rock takes off the glasses. He does the FINALLY bit and now we get down to business. Rock talks about how amazing it is to see these two in the ring together before saying he agrees with Hogan on a few things. It wasn’t the fans that drove him out of the WWF if that’s what Hogan thinks. Hogan goes to respond but Rock hits him with IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK.

Rock says the people believed in Hogan and the Rock was one of them. After years of eating the vitamins and tearing the t-shirt, Hogan changed everything in WCW and the fans wanted nothing to do with him. Rock acknowledges that Hogan is a legend and an icon, perhaps even the best ever.

Hogan has talked about headlining Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania, so how does he feel about headlining one more Wrestlemania with the Rock. The fans REALLY like that idea but they’re not sure who to cheer for. Hogan calls Rock the flavor of the month and asks Rock why he thinks he’s even in Hogan’s league. Rock calmly asks yes or no and appeals to Hogan’s desire to be the definitive best ever. After an appeal to the people and doing Hogan’s hand to the ear, Hogan finally says yes. Eleven and a half years later this still gives me chills.

Since it’s so great though, let’s screw it all up. Hogan wishes Rock luck but Rock says Hogan needs it more BROTHER, before pulling him into a Rock Bottom. Rock goes to leave but Hall and Nash knock him down the aisle and the beatdown is on. Hogan whips Rock with the weightlifting belt and Hall and Nash hit their finishers. Hogan goes under the ring and pulls out a hammer to blast Rock in the back of the head, laying him out cold. It should have probably killed him but it’s wrestling after all. Hogan drops a leg and Hall counts three to really set up Wrestlemania. We even get the spray paint to really hammer things in.

What an awesome segment. It had a great moment with the past and the present dynamic followed by Hogan REALLY nailing the idea of being a heel to stop his face reactions. The hammer stuff was great and Rock can return at Wrestlemania to get his revenge in the awesome moment to make the match even bigger.

Now if you’re a fan of the WWF, you know they’re not going to simply let an awesome moment like that exist on its own.

Rock is taken out on a stretcher and we go to a break. Back with Rock being loaded into an ambulance (with his arms not even secured) and is about to be taken away….when the NWO attacks the ambulance. They beat on it with chains as Hogan is yelling about Plan A. They chain the door shut (even though Rock is out cold) and Hogan says he’s going to lay the Smackdown on Rock.

He proceeds to get into a SEMI-TRUCK and RAMS IT INTO THE AMBULANCE. And there goes the moment. We went from an amazing staredown to this over the top nonsense because wrestling isn’t enough anymore. The NWO looks into the ambulance and panic before running away. JR and Lawler go into serious mode and talk about how real this is. You know, because this kind of stuff happens every day.

Godfather vs. Booker T

You know, because going from Rock nearly being murdered to Godfather is a fine transition. The girls are worried about Rock and Godfather is annoyed with them as a result. Booker stomps him down in the corner as the announcers are still acting all serious. Godfather makes a quick comeback with his usual stuff but the girls are still distracting him. A powerslam puts Booker down but Godfather yells at the girls instead of going for the Ho Train. Booker superkicks him down for the pin.

Paramedics and cops check on Rock.

Goldust/William Regal vs. Edge/Rob Van Dam

Brawl to start of course with the expected pairings going at it until we get Goldust vs. RVD to start. Goldie pounds him down for a bit before Regal comes in and gets caught by a cross body. Back to Goldust to pound on Rob a bit more as Jerry talks about a second ambulance arriving. Rob finally gets in a kick and everything breaks down. Edge spears Regal down and puts on the Edgecator (Sharpshooter but Edge doesn’t step over) for the tap out.

Rating: D. Nothing match here with the announcers again ignoring everything going on for the sake of the Rock stuff. I’d be ok with that if it was something serious, but the truck stuff was so over the top and stupid that there was no way to take it seriously at all. These feuds are going nowhere anyway.

Rock is taken away. Not that we saw him in the last two segments or anything.

Angle is distracted but by Flair’s decision instead of Rock. Cole brings up Rock and Angle feels bad about that too, but Rock didn’t have a Wrestlemania title shot to lose.

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

The winner gets the shot at Wrestlemania, Stephanie is banned from ringside and Jericho is on commentary. Jericho makes fun of the WHAT bit as soon as he sits down in a funny bit. HHH punches him fro the apron but Angle quickly takes the fight to the floor. HHH is sent into the steps and we head inside again with Kurt in control. Angle stops a comeback with a knee to the ribs and gets two off a suplex. Jericho lists off great names like Thesz and Gotch but thinks he’s just a bit better.

Angle stomps away in the corner for two more and puts on an abdominal stretch to the injured ribs. HHH reverses into one of his own, only to be hiptossed down. Another belly to belly gets another two on HHH and there’s a third since the first two went so well. They head outside again with HHH avoiding a charge into the post to hurt Angle’s shoulder. Back in and a neckbreaker puts Kurt down before HHH DDTs him for two. The spinebuster gets two more but Angle counters the Pedigree into a catapult into the corner.

Kurt can’t follow up immediately but he catches HHH in another suplex. The moonsault is countered into a bottom rope electric chair for a very close two. HHH heads to the floor for no apparent reason, only to be caught in another belly to belly onto the mats. A belt shot to HHH’s head puts him down again as Jericho has the referee. It’s only good for two so Angle rolls some Germans and puts on the ankle lock. HHH dives to the ropes and Angle is all ticked off. A Pedigree attempt is countered into the ankle lock again but HHH rolls through and hits the Pedigree to go to Wrestlemania again.

Rating: B. At least the match was good. I don’t think anyone believed there was any chance Angle would win here but at least we got an entertaining twelve minute match to make up for it. The lack of selling the ribs was a bit stupid but at least it wasn’t the focus of the match for the most part.

Overall Rating: C-. Well the showdown and the main event were good but they’re not really enough to save the rest of this show. Wrestlemania is looking like it could be good but the matches aren’t going to be much to see. There’s nothing wrong with going for the hype instead of the substance, but stuff like Rock vs. Hogan does not need the over the top nonsense and it’s dragging things down a good bit. The BIG divide between the main event level and the midcard stuff isn’t helping either.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 11, 2002
Location: Jonesboro Convocation Center, Jonesboro, Arkansas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is going to be one of those one idea shows, as tonight is all about Stephanie and HHH renewing their wedding vows. These would be the vows originally made by HHH, speaking in a falsetto voice since Stephanie was unconscious in the front seat of his car. Other than that, it’s the go home show for No Way Out, but we need to focus on HHH and Stephanie instead of waiting for next week, after the PPV. Let’s get to it.

We open with a package hyping up the wedding vows tonight.

Theme song.

Here’s Undertaker with something to say to open us up. Taker respects the face pop he gets but calls the fans a bunch of hillbillies. He rants about not being respected by Rock on Thursday and we get a clip of Rock laying Undertaker out, giving Maven the pin and the Hardcore Title. Taker responded by tombstoning Rock onto a limo. He threatens to beat Rock until Rock respects him. That’s not quite as good as “the beatings will continue until morale improves.” This brings out Flair to talk about respect a lot and make Undertaker vs. Austin for later tonight.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Non-title of course. Edge jumps Jericho during his entrance and beats him around ringside until we get a bell. Back in and Jericho pounds away at the head instead of Edge’s heavily taped ribs. First the arm last week and now the ribs? Come on Jericho. A clothesline gets two for Edge but Jericho comes back with an elbow to the face and another to the ribs, restoring my faith in the Ayatollah.

Jericho stays on the ribs but misses a charge into the post, giving Edge an opening. A catapult into the corner gets two for Edge but Jericho comes right back with a bulldog, only to miss the Lionsault. Edge misses the spear but counters the Walls attempt into a rollup for two. Jericho drapes him over the top rope but goes to get a title, allowing Edge to spear him down for two. Not that it matters as Jericho hits him him in the ribs with the belt and the Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) is good for the pin.

Rating: C-. Edge wasn’t at the main event level yet but his time was coming. This kind of basic psychology is all a match needs most of the time and it’s annoying when it’s just not there. This is the kind of stuff we could use more of today: world champions or main event level talent beating midcarders instead of other main eventers. You can save the main event matches for actual, you know, MAIN EVENTS.

Vince says he’s here in Arkansas because he’s fond of hogs. He’s here for the last show before the NWO arrives and takes over. He won’t answer if he’s going to walk Stephanie down the aisle.

We get another clip of the NWO. I guess this is a theme tonight. Remember that this is a mere THREE MONTHS after the Invasion ended. Again, that thing could have gone on for years by bringing in big names every now and then to give the Alliance a boost.

HHH and Stephanie run into each other in the back with Stephanie begging him to not go after Kurt. The baby is fine after Stephanie was run over (by a person) on Smackdown. HHH says he won’t go after Kurt but he has to take care of something first.

Goldust vs. Rikishi

Goldust tries to jump Rikishi but gets punched away. It turns into a slugout with Goldust punching him down, only to get caught in a Samoan drop. The Banzai Drop is countered with two legs to the groin, but RVD comes in for the DQ a few seconds later. Seriously, Goldust vs. Van Dam? That’s kind of a waste.

HHH runs into Arn Anderson and Arn just happens to have a FedEx package for him. It sounds like a video tape when HHH shakes it.

Austin says he was scared when he got here because it’s a dry county (meaning alcohol can’t be sold). This is at the height of the WHAT bit so Austin lists off all of the health problems he had because of the lack of alcohol before listing off all of them alcohol he and Debra bought in another county before coming here. He and the Arkansas hillbillies are going to disrespect Undertaker all night long. He’ll take the Undisputed Title on Sunday too. Somehow this takes about five minutes to get through.

The wedding singers practice for later.

Godfather vs. Kurt Angle

This is during the failed Godfather Goes Legit period where he owned an escort service instead of being a pimp. Angle pounds him down but gets caught by a knee/boot to the chest/shoulder area. Kurt is like screw that and drills him in the leg before ending this in less than a minute with the ankle lock.

Post match Angle puts the hold on again before making a vow of his own: he’ll make HHH tap on Sunday.

HHH gives Stephanie a new ring. Much crying ensues.

Steve Austin vs. Undertaker

Jericho jumps Austin during the entrance and Undertaker takes advantage with some Deadman choking. They head inside for the opening bell and Austin comes back with some right hands and the Thesz Press for more right hands. They run the ropes a bit before Undertaker takes Austin down with the jumping clothesline. Back to the floor and Taker is whipped knees first into the steps, only to come back with a clothesline to send Austin onto the concrete. That goes nowhere so we head back inside with Taker getting a near fall. Austin escapes the tombstone and hits the Stunner but here’s Jericho for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Remember when these guys main evented the biggest Summerslam ever a few years ago? Apparently WWE doesn’t either as we’ve got them in a five minute throwaway match to close out the first hour of Raw. Nothing to see here as these two are clearly in need of ANYTHING new.

Post match Jericho hits Austin with a belt and a cooler.

Jericho bailed during the break.

Tazz vs. Booker T.

Tag champion vs. challenger for Sunday. Simple idea for a simple PPV match. Booker pounds Tazz down into the corner but Tazz comes back with some clothesline. A side kick puts Tazz right back down and there’s the Spinarooni to annoy JR. Tazz comes back with the Tazmission, only to have Spike and Test come in for a distraction so Booker can kick him low. The referee gets rid of Spike so Test can kick Tazz’s head off, giving Booker the pin. Nothing to see here at all.

The Dudleyz are at WWF New York. Bubba is in his old trance for some reason before demanding a title match at the PPV. Not that they would get one but at least they’re acting like the titles mean something.

Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson

They’re in bikinis so this isn’t going to last long. This is as a result of Torrie having her hand raised after she and Stacy won a posedown against Billy and Chuck. It’s exactly what you would expect: Jerry makes erection jokes, the girls do stuff that puts them in various, ahem, positions, the referee is rolled over, Stacy wins with a bad looking rollup. This was what it was.

Stephanie leaves to get dressed but laments that her dad isn’t walking her down the aisle. HHH looks at the package he was given earlier.

Mr. Perfect cheats to beat a national chess champion. These bits never get old.

Rob Van Dam vs. Christian

Christian, currently in a slump, runs in behind RVD to get an early advantage. Rob misses a charge into the post and gets draped over the top rope. Christian knocks him onto the floor and stomps away a lot before ripping at Van Dam’s face in the ring. Rob gets back up and hits a moonsault press out of the corner for two, only to have Christian pound him right back to the mat. A powerslam gets two for Christian and it’s off to a chinlock. Make that three different chinlocks, none of which have the fans responding at all.

Back up and Rob hits a spin kick to put Christian down, followed by a monkey flip out of the corner. A Regal Roll into a middle rope moonsault (barely connected at all) gets two for Rob but Rolling Thunder hits knees. The reverse DDT gets two for Christian and it’s time for him to throw a tantrum. He writhes around on the mat, allowing Rob to come in off the top with the Five Star for the pin in a funny ending.

Rating: C-. The ending was good but there wasn’t much leading up to it. Christian was nowhere near being a big deal on his own yet as he would have to wait years before he became anything of note. Van Dam would be the same kind of guy for almost his entire WWE run, which isn’t bad when you think about it.

Goldust pops up on screen to challenge RVD for No Way Out.

Arn Anderson tells HHH to call Linda.

HHH calls Linda (naturally we can hear everything she says) who tells him that she sent him the FedEx package. It is indeed a video tape which someone sent to her and she immediately sent it to HHH. HHH plays the tape and it’s a doctor that told HHH and Stephanie that their baby was fine as an actor in a commercial. Dun dun DUNN! Stephanie isn’t pregnant, which would have been a bigger revelation had this story not started last week.

Stephanie keeps up the lie to the wedding singers. Vince pops up behind her in a tux and cuts a promo on her before agreeing to walk her down the aisle. Howard Finkel pops in to try to tell Vince what HHH found out but Vince tells him to leave.

Time for the vows and Vince is already annoyed at the WHAT chants. Now we get a wedding song because this segment isn’t already going to go on forever. We know where it’s going because we already saw the payoff. Why not have HHH reveal it during the ceremony to actually surprise the crowd? I’m running out of things to talk about to pass the time during this WAY too long song. Seriously they sing for FOUR MINUTES.

It’s finally time for the vows. Stephanie does a traditional series of them and now it’s time for HHH to end the whole thing. It’s exactly what you would expect: he loves her, she’s the mother of his child, she’s a no good lying witch. HHH erupts on her for only thinking of herself and trying to manipulate him into doing whatever she wants. The marriage is over and there’s a Pedigree for Vince and Stephanie’s EVIL face to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Here’s the major problem at the end of the day: how does this wedding, which DOMINATED the show, make me want to buy No Way Out at all? The NWO, the world title match, and Undertaker vs. Rock (not even on the show tonight) all came off as afterthoughts compared to an angle that started and ended in a single week. There was zero reason this couldn’t have happened next week instead as we set up HHH vs. Stephanie at Wrestlemania.

Here’s No Way Out if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/18/no-way-out-2002-if-an-invasion-happens-and-no-one-cares-does-it-matter/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 4, 2002
Location: Thomas and Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 9,643
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another one of those series that I started but haven’t touched in six months. The good thing for me is I’m up to February and I’ve already done three weeks of March, meaning I can make up a lot of ground in a hurry. This is the first of four shows in a row I’ll be doing as we’re just passed the Rumble and heading towards No Way Out. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vince threatening to bring in the NWO if Ric Flair doesn’t sell his half of the company. Flair agreed but Vince waned to sign the documents in the ring. Austin came out as well, convincing Flair to not sell and rip up the contract.

Flair says he’s been having second thoughts but he stands by his decision. However, if Vince brings in the NWO there will be huge problems.

Theme song.

Tonight it’s Rock/Austin vs. Jericho/Undertaker. Now that’s a main event.

Here’s HHH with something to say. He wants a piece of Kurt Angle after Angle attacked him last week on Smackdown. HHH has waited four days and isn’t waiting any longer so get out here RIGHT NOW. Instead he gets Booker T who says the two of them have something in common: intensity. The difference though is that Booker is a winner but HHH is a whiner. Here’s a referee and we have an opening match.

Booker T vs. HHH

HHH sends him into the steps and there’s the bell as we get inside. The Game pounds him in the head but stops to yell at the referee, allowing Booker to superkick him down. A high elbow to the jaw but the Bookend is countered into a spinebuster. There’s the facebuster but Booker escapes the Pedigree. The ax kick misses and the second Pedigree attempt connects, only to have Angle come in for the fast DQ.

The Angle Slam puts HHH down and makes his liver shake, according to JR. How does he know what a shaky liver looks like?

Post break and HHH is looking for Angle. I think we have a running theme tonight. Apparently Kurt was heading for Vince’s office.

We go to the Divas locker room where cameras aren’t a problem. Billy and Chuck come in which freaks the girls out. They show off their new poster and challenge Stacy and Torrie to a pose down on Smackdown.

HHH is still looking for Angle but finds cops guarding Vince’s doors. Angle comes to the door but the cops hold him back. Vince has made Angle vs. HHH for HHH’s Mania title shot at No Way Out. Isn’t Raw Flair’s show?

Rob Van Dam vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Ray pounds him into the corner but Rob jumps over him, setting up a leg trip and Rolling Thunder. Stacy Keibler, the Dudleyz’ manager, distracts the referee but the Dudleys can’t hit What’s Up. D-Von is ejected but Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb to put RVD down. There’s no one to send in the tables though so Bubba has to get two off a neckbreaker instead. A suplex puts Rob down and Bubba drops a bunch of elbows for two. The middle rope backsplash misses (of course) and the Five Star is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see at all here as there was zero doubt as to who was winning. Bubba as a singles guy was an idea that didn’t work at all in 2002 but they pushed him for months anyway. The problem here was he never became anything other that Bubba Ray as a singles guy, as opposed to an entirely new character in Bully Ray. It’s the same reason why Bret Hart’s singles push took awhile to get off the ground: he took time to come into his own as a character.

Post match Goldust pops up on screen to sing When You Wish Upon a Star. He wants RVD for some reason so he sneaks in through the crowd and hits Shattered Dreams.

Stephanie has a very creepy smile on her face while HHH rants about Angle. She has a surprise for him later. If the internet hat been a bigger thing back then, that face would have been a meme for years.

Undertaker is ticked off but Jericho says it’s all cool tonight.

Tag Titles: Billy and Chuck vs. Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Acolytes

If there has ever been a more forgettable tag team title reign than Spike and Tazz, I can’t come up with it, hence why it’s forgettable. This is under elimination rules. Chuck pounds on Tazz to start but walks into a hard clothesline. Tazz suplexes Chuck down and brings in Spike for a top rope double stomp, only to have Chuck easily break up the Dudley Dog. Off to Billy for some stomping and a big flapjack for two.

Chuck chokes Spike on the ropes and Billy rams him into the barricade a few times for good measure. Spike finally grabs a suplex to put Chuck down and it’s off to Farrooq vs. Billy. A lot of things break down with the APA hitting double spinebusters on Billy and Chuck and a double powerbomb on Chuck, only to have Billy hit a quick Fameasser to pin Farrooq. Spike comes in with a quick Dudley Dog on Billy to retain the titles.

Rating: D+. Well ok then. The idea of pushing the champions makes perfect sense, but having two eliminations in a span of twenty seconds doesn’t make for an interesting ending. That’s the problem here: it was such a fast match that it didn’t have time to go anywhere and it took away whatever they were shooting for.

Here’s Vince for his weekly complaining. He talks about Flair not doing the right thing last week when he wouldn’t sell out to McMahon. After looking at a clip from Smackdown, Vince wants Flair out here RIGHT NOW. Vince demands an explanation but calls Flair a liar before Ric can say anything. See, Flair wasn’t going to sell out because of the NWO but because Flair was selfish.

Flair has to be the Nature Boy and loves the power that comes with being an owner. Ric says that’s not it, so Vince accuses Austin of getting into Flair’s head. Again that’s not it, so Vince finally lets Flair explain. Naturally it’s all because of the fans, sending Vince over the edge. The fans have no idea what’s good for business, so the NWO is coming to take care of Vince’s problems. We get a shot of Hogan, Hall and Nash with Vince saying there will be no way out when they arrive. If there was a point to this segment, it went over my head.

Arn Anderson and the Stooges talk about how bad the NWO is. Anderson thinks Flair made a mistake on Smackdown.

Intercontinental Title: Rikishi vs. William Regal

Regal is defending and has to undergo an intense check for brass knuckles. Rikishi takes over with a quick superkick and a clothesline but Regal comes back with the unnamed knee trembler. Regal pounds away in the corner as the fans tell him he sucks. The champion easily takes the big guy down into a crossface (not the Crippler Crossface but just a face grab), only to have Rikishi power out and send Regal into the corner.

Not that it matters as Regal easily takes over again with a half nelson of all things. Rikishi fights up and sits on Regal’s chest but misses the Banzai Drop. Regal loads up the brass knuckles but Edge comes in for no apparent reason to spear Regal down for the DQ, retaining Regal’s title.

Rating: D. Much like the tag title match, this didn’t have time to go anywhere and was just a way to fill in time until we got to the stuff at the end. Rikishi was reaching the weird point of veteran who commanded respect without ever really doing anything to earn it. Regal was perfect in this role as he waited on a challenger to take the title from him.

Referees break up Regal and Edge but Regal gets a Stinkface.

DDP, the new European Champion, is at WWF New York.

Rock wants to talk about the Undertaker instead of the NWO, but first we pause for some chanting from the fans. Last week on Smackdown Undertaker cost Rock the Undisputed Title so Rock wants Undertaker at No Way Out. Rock isn’t sure why Undertaker jumped him last week, but maybe it’s because Rock mentioned Maven eliminating Undertaker from the Rumble, or maybe because Rock made Coach do the Charleston.

See, Rock is the People’s Champion, but before he gets ready for his tag match, it’s time for some Viva Rock Vegas. Actually no, as Undertaker wants Rock to walk away so Rock does just that. Coach isn’t sure what to do but Rock comes back a second later and takes the mic from him. Time for some singing, but this time it’s just Viva Las Vegas with Las swapped out for Rock. Not exactly funny but the fans liked it.

Here’s Stephanie for her big announcement. If doing more Raw 2002 reviews means Stephanie in short dresses and knee high boots then it’s all Raw 2002 all the time. She immediately asks HHH to come out here but HHH looks cautions. The big idea: renew their wedding vows next week.

HHH: “That is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. What is wrong with the McMahons? Why does everything have to be on live TV?” That’s a REALLY good question actually. Stephanie says it’s because the fans doubt her and think she’s a failure. HHH wisely says no and goes off on her, but Stephanie is PREGNANT, so HHH gives in. You can see the swerve coming from here and the fans in the crowd think this is nonsense. Since this is a Stephanie segment, it took ten minutes to get through about 3 minutes of talking.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Trish is defending. HHH and Stephanie are leaving and HHH insists on carrying all the bags. Trish fires off some kicks to start but misses a top rope cross body to give Jazz control. Jazz shrugs off some shots in the corner and slams Trish down. A legdrop gets two and Jazz fires off more right hands to drop Stratus. Off to a half crab and then an STF but Trish crawls (nearly falling out of her top in the process) to the ropes. Trish makes her comeback with forearms but the Stratusfaction is easily countered into a suplex. A fisherman’s DDT is enough to give Jazz the title, exciting no one at all.

Rating: D. This was a squash for Jazz which is fine, but as I mentioned NO ONE CARES ABOUT JAZZ. She was supposed to be some big deal but WWF never realized that no one remembered her from ECW because she never did anything of note in ECW. Nothing match, like the rest of them tonight.

Steve Austin/The Rock vs. Undertaker/Chris Jericho

Austin is challenging Jericho for the title at the PPV if that wasn’t clear. Some fan tries to jump the railing to go after Jericho, earning his ejection from the building. It’s a brawl on the floor to start with the obvious pairings until Austin takes Jericho into the ring for some chopping. The snap spinebuster gets two on Jericho and a clothesline gets the same. Off to Rock who throws Jericho to the floor before telling Undertaker to just bring it. Jericho slips back in and jumps Rock to give Undertaker control.

Rock comes right back with a clothesline to the big man and it’s back to Austin for right hands. The Thesz Press and middle finger elbow are good for two as the fans are awake for the first time all night. Austin runs the ropes again but charges into a big boot, allowing for the tag to the world champion. They trade chops in the corner but Jericho grabs a sleeper to slow things down a bit. Austin suplexes his way to freedom but Taker gets in a cheap shot and throws Austin to the floor.

Taker chokes on Austin with a rope but Rock makes the save unlike some stupid partners. Back in and Jericho clotheslines Steve down before wrapping his arm around the post. Austin tries to come back but charges into the post, sending him back to the floor. Undertaker rams him into the announce table as JR is talking about Oklahoma on a Saturday night. Austin comes back with a Boston crab on Jericho but Undertaker makes the save and puts on a chinlock. Did no one else notice Austin’s arm being sent into the post TWICE?

Austin fights up and they clothesline each other down, meaning even more laying around. Seriously you’re ten minutes into a tag match and they’re already this tired? The hot tag brings in Rock with DDTs all around and a spinebuster into the Sharpshooter on Jericho. Undertaker makes the save and everything breaks down with Jericho hooking the Walls on Rock. Austin breaks it up with a Stunner but Taker pulls the referee out to the floor. There’s the Rock Bottom but there’s still no referee, allowing Taker to blast Rock with a pipe, giving Jericho the pin.

Rating: D+. Again, how could they be that spent to use (VERY sloppy) rest holds in a match that didn’t even run fourteen minutes total? Also, WHERE WAS THE ARM WORK? I can understand that from Biker Taker who was just worthless, but Jericho is better than that and always has been. The match was your usual main event tag with a screwy finish.

Overall Rating: D. When Stephanie McMahon doing her manipulative stuff is the most entertaining part of your show, you’ve got a problem. Angle disappeared after the first fifteen minutes and it seems that his story with HHH has as well. They’ll still have the match at No Way Out, but if you think he’s anything more than a stand-in for Stephanie, you have no idea how WWE works. Dull show here and odds are it’s not getting any better for a long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

This is very old and not very well done.

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 30, 2010
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the 900th episode and Raw and Smackdown both will be there. Surprisingly enough this is only a two hour show though. There hasn’t been much announced for this, so let’s get to it.

We open up by YET AGAIN being told how awesome Raw is. Vince, let it go. Mainstream media flat out does not care, so stop trying to make them accept you. It simply isn’t going to happen.

Cole says the 900th consecutive week. We’ll ignore the preempted shows and the Best of shows I guess.

5 on 5 elimination match with Nexus vs. Sheamus, the Canadian duo, Orton and Cena. Good to see they’re not overkilling the match before Survivor Series.

Here’s Bret to open the show, which makes sense since this is a show about old school. He talks about how great Raw is and how many records it holds etc. Bret says only Taker was on the first show also, cueing Kane. This is a new pairing if nothing else. Baldie says there is no more phenom because he hasn’t meant anything since he beat Shawn at Mania.

Kane talks about how Bret hated Shawn etc. Bret can’t wait for Taker to beat Kane like he always does. Good line and simple. Old guys know how to talk. Kane says he needs to take out an icon like Taker did, so he grabs Bret. Hart Dynasty comes out for the save but gets knocked back with ease. Bret does better but the lights go out.

I’m sure you know who’s in the ring now as we get the staredown. Taker looks like he’s about to cry and Kane bails. Cue the e-mail and tonight it’s Bret….vs. Taker? Well that’s the biggest name Taker has never been able to beat, so that fits pretty well.

We go back to the first episode of Raw for some clips which are always fun.

Back from a break and we see the zamboni incident, which was the night after Taker and Kane beat Austin in a triple threat at I think Unforgiven.

Michael McGillicutty/Kofi Kingstonvs. Daniel Bryan/Kaval vs. Miz/Alex Riley

Someone get me a boat to navigate the river of semen in the IWC at this point. Miz has a sweet new shirt with an id sticker on it saying “Hello I’m AWESOME!” I would totally wear that and I haven’t bought a WWE shirt in over 10 years. It’s a very fast paced match that I won’t even bother trying to keep track of.

Everything goes insane and Kaval hits a sweet rolling kick to Riley, setting up the Warrior’s Way. Cue in Miz for the Skull Crushing Finale to end it on Kaval. Bryan takes the MITB case to the head post match.

Rating: C+. It was very fast paced and worked rather well I thought. This was designed to get the crowd going and to give us a look at the NXT guys. It did that in just a few minutes which is always a good thing. Quick match but certainly entertaining and it kept my attention, making it a win.

Laycool vs. Melina/Eve Torres

Well you can’t say they’re not attractive. Melina pins Layla in maybe 40 seconds with a rollup. Well ok then.

Michelle throws out the predictable challenge for the unification match at NOC but doesn’t say which member of Laycool is it. Melina insists it’s a lumberjack match. The Divas all come out and stand by her to end this segment.

Another Raw moment is Nexus beating down Cena, which is a big moment but dang man there are bigger ones than that.

Nexus is in the back and there are only five of them given Sheffield’s injury. Barrett says they have to do something to remember tonight and says he knows what it is but doesn’t say what it is.

We get another “historical” moment, this time the Bob Barker hosted show. Ok they’re stretching here methinks.

Jericho talks about how he says he’s great because he is great. If he doesn’t win the title at NOC, he’s gone. Josh says Jericho has been thrown out or fired at least a dozen times now, making me laugh. Jericho says watch what he’s going to do tonight.

John Morrison/R–Truth vs. Cody Rhodes/Drew McIntyre

Well this was unexpected. Something tells me Morrison is going to do something of note here. It’s a big brawl almost immediately and there’s a double DQ. This was for the #1 contenders slot so screw that apparently. Truth dives over the ropes to take out Rhodes. Was there a point to this at all?

Another Raw moment is Bret and Shawn making up. This is a legit major moment so I’ll give them that.

Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Taker’s robe is a bit different now as he has the hood and sleeveless thing again, meaning no trenchcoat. And here’s Nexus. Ok make that just Barrett. He says it’s about the future and not ht epast, so he goes after Taker. Barrett gets knocked to the floor and then the lights go out. Kane is here and they slug it out, which Kane wins to a degree.

Taker goes for a chokeslam and there go those lights again. Someone really should look into that. Kane is gone (as is Bret) and here’s Nexus. Taker fights them off and has Barrett ready for the chokeslam but the lights go out AGAIN. We come back and Barrett has him up in the Wasteland. Kane is on the stage as it hits. A 450 hits Taker and he can’t quite sit up.

If you can’t tell this show has more or less sucked beyond belief so far.

Here’s Jack Swagger. Dang he’s fallen since the summer.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

As Bourne makes his entrance, Cole lists off MORE shows that Raw has been on the air longer than with Lawler saying Friends only had 236 or some odd shows. I’m not even going to go into the rant about why that’s incredibly stupid because here’s Alberto Del Rio of all people with his full car entrance and pyro. He even gets a split screen. Air Bourne misses and Swagger gets the ankle lock for the tap. We saw maybe a minute combined of the in ring action without a split screen, meaning no rating.

Del Rio cuts off Swagger’s music and talks about how he got rid of Rey. However since none of the Raw fans saw it he’s going to recreate it here. He grabs a chair and Evan is in trouble. MARK HENRY of all people comes out for the save. Ok him just punching the chair out of Del Rio’s hand was in fact very cool.

We get a video about the China tour, which is indeed awesome.

This is Your Life Rock, which is actually a cool moment.

The Straight Edge Society is here, and Punk is better than The Rock. Punk says that Raw has pushed negative family values, and he has two words to prove it: Katie Vick. “If you don’t know who that is, Youtube it. It’ll drive you to drink and then you can come see me.” He has a list of four things that WWE has been bad about over the years.

Property Damage: HHH breaking into Orton’s house.

General irresponsibility: Cena throwing Edge in the water. Punk talks about never throwing anyone into water (with the joke of course being that he won a match like that against Chavo in ECW)

Tresspassing: DX invading WCW.

The last one is exhibit D for drunkenness, which is due to the beer bath…..on SANTINO. Yeah they picked that one instead of what was voted the #1 Raw moment back at the tenth anniversary show.

Punk makes fun of Austin and CUE GLASS SHATTERING!

And he’s not here. Punk literally rolls on the mat with laughter. He asks if the fans feel empty inside now, because that’s how he feels with every one of the fans. Punk has one more clip, which is the ring breaking thanks to Show and Lesnar. It’s to bash Show and he won’t say Lesnar’s name.

Show comes out and he mentions Eddie and a burrito. He wants to know why Punk picked a fat joke when he’s done all kinds of stupid stuff. We get a Show promo about the SES as Hulk Hogan. Show clears the ring of course and we go to a break.

HHH’s return in 2002 was in fact amazing.

Sheamus comes out to talk on the ramp. Surprisingly he doesn’t get a big pop since we’re in Boston. He mentions HHH and says he’s never coming back. Here comes Edge, who gets a BIG face pop. He talks about how many moments he’s had on Raw and all that jazz which is true. Edge also says Sheamus should go back to the lab with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. Total face promo here.

Sheamus/Randy Orton/John Cena/Edge/Chris Jericho vs. Nexus

This is elimination rules and the bell rang at 10:59. Jericho walks out after a few seconds and it’s 5-4. Edge immediately shoves the referee and it’s 5-3. Tarver and Cena are in now and Cena dominates for the most part. Sheamus beats up various people for awhile and this is just awful. High Cross is blocked and Nexus takes over. SLATER PINS SHEAMUS! Totally clean for the most part too. He hit his finisher and that was it. Hokey smoke.

FU gets rid of Slater. Big beatdown and Cena is in trouble. Otunga goes out to the STFU. 450 to Cena and he’s out! Orton vs. Gabriel, Barrett and Tarver. Make that Barrett and Tarver as an RKO takes out Gabriel. It’s Barrett vs. Orton now. That happened in less than 15 seconds. Wasteland and it’s over. Less than a minute passed between Cena’s elimination and the end of the match, which included the eliminations of Gabriel, Tarver and Orton.

Rating: F+. Just a total reversal of what we saw at Summerslam. This was boring and not interesting in the slightest, although BIG props for the clean pins on the three mega stars from the non-Nexus team. Those were very unexpected and made them look like they were human. That being said, the match was just awful. Three eliminations in about 40 seconds? Seriously? Just a bad match if there ever has been one and a fitting end to an awful Raw.

Overall Rating: D-. Just a horrible show all around. Punk’s promo and segment is the only good thing this had going for it really. For a special, there were so many quick matches that you barely remember anything about, including one that was about 12 seconds long. The main event was just bad all around but to be fair they did get the point of NOC across.

Shame that it two me about a day to get that idea. The lack of wrestling and the lack of nostalgia hurt this a lot as apparently barely anything has happened other than in the last two years. This could have been worse but not by much. Punk’s promo was all that made this passable, which is saying a lot since he’s a Smackdown guy. Bad show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 26, 2013
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re in a good place in WWE right now with the big story on top and a lot of other good things going on underneath. Tonight needs to be the night that Bryan makes his first stab at the new Corporation after being laid out to end the last three shows. He’s still on fire, but people are only going to cheer a perennial loser for so long. It should also be interesting to see how many people watch this show with Cena not being there. Let’s get to it.

We open with Shield standing at ringside and looking up at the stage. HHH comes out to a face pop and talks about how this is the beginning of a new era. We get a clip from the end of Summerslam with Orton winning the title thanks to the Game. HHH says that was just business before we see a clip of the end of last week’s show. Now that was personal because Bryan insulted Stephanie and the rest of HHH’s family. HHH however is willing to be a bigger man due to the ratings and social media scores being up. In short, business is booming and it’s due to the new face of the WWE: Randy Orton.

Cue Orton to the ring for praise from HHH for bringing new life to the title. HHH has a gift for the new champion: a Cadillac Escalade. Oh I think we all know where this is going. Orton goes to look at the car but here’s Bryan before he gets too far. Bryan says that’s a sweet ride and way nicer than his Honda Fit. It’s well deserved too because Orton worked so hard for the WWE Championship. Bryan thanks all of the fans because he isn’t the biggest or the strongest or the prettiest (“That would be Twinkle Toes Orton”).

They’ve all supported him through everything and he’s grateful, but he also has to thank John Cena for giving him the chance at Summerslam. Lastly Bryan wants to thank HHH for ending the charade and showing his true colors at Summerslam. His view of what was best for business is as narrow minded as Vince McMahon’s. The rebel in the leather jacket is now another corporate suit who thumbs his nose at all the fans. Orton says think about who you’re talking to so Bryan says let’s hear it for the face of the WWE. At Night of Champions, the face is going to be rearranged, just like HHH’s vision for the future of the company.

HHH says that’s a cute fantasy and, I kid you not, sings When You Wish Upon a Star. Unfortunately for Bryan it doesn’t work that way in the real world. In the real world, Orton is an A+ and Bryan is just a B. As for tonight, Bryan can face Seth Rollins. If he beats Seth, then he can face Dean Ambrose. If he beats Dean, he can also face Roman Reigns. I can totally dig Shield as the personal enforcers of the new regime.

We look at the brawl last week between Axel and Punk. They fight for the Intercontinental Title tonight, but the fans get to pick the stipulations. You can pick Heyman as guest referee, Heyman banned from ringside or Punk gets to face Heyman if he wins. There’s no mention of this being a title match, despite it being called that on Smackdown.

Cody Rhodes vs. Fandango

Sandow is on commentary. Fandango tries to take him down to start but gets caught by a running elbow to the face. A front suplex puts Fandango on the apron but he kicks Cody in the face. Cue Fandango’s music with Miz and some girl dancing, allowing Cody to roll up Fandango for the pin at 1:08.

Sandow jumps Cody and Miz comes out for a brawl until Brad Maddox turns into a 60 year old bald black man and makes a tag match.

Damien Sandow/Fandango vs. The Miz/Cody Rhodes

Back with Sandow getting two on Cody before bringing in Fandango for some gyrating shots. Apparently Miz’s dance partner was Rosa Mendes. Back to Sandow for the Russian legsweep and the Wind-Up elbow for two. Cody finally gets in a shot and brings in Miz off the hot tag. Miz cleans house as Fandango walks out. Cody trips up Sandow, allowing Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin on Sandow at 2:56.

Matadores vignette. It’s so cheesy it might work.

Josh Matthews asks Christian about the HHH era. Christian says he survived the McMahon-Helmsley Era and is a bit hesitant to answer that question. Randy Orton pops in and says he’s going to beat Orton tonight. Christian says HHH likes to play with hammers and apparently he’s found a new tool.

If you get some App, you can see what Heyman thinks about the stipulations the fans can pick.

Punk wants to get his hands on Heyman and suggests the fans vote for choice #3.

Heyman doesn’t like the idea of there being a vote. If they’re going to show a segment with Heyman complaining, what was the point of the video on the App? Axel says Heyman shouldn’t be worried because Punk can’t outwrestle him. It’s better than perfect.

Curtis Axel vs. CM Punk

It’s non-title despite Axel challenging him for a title match on Smackdown and Punk saying “I accept.” The third option of Heyman having to face Punk if Axel loses wins with 81% of the vote. Punk goes right after Axel and grabs a headlock but can’t hit the GTS. Axel bails to the floor so Punk charges up the ramp at Heyman, allowing Curtis to get in a cheap shot. Back in and Punk escapes a chinlock and gets two off the knee in the corner. Axel rolls to the floor before the Macho Elbow can be launched but Punk hits the suicide dive as we take a break.

Back with Axel hitting a clothesline to the back of the head for two as Heyman is looking more confident. Punk comes back with kicks to the legs and back followed by a middle rope cross body for two. Axel snaps off a slingshot belly to back suplex for two followed by a snap Saito suplex for the same. Punk grabs a neckbreaker and the Macho Elbow gets two. The GTS is countered into a McGillicutter for another two count but the second attempt at the GTS is good for the pin at 10:52.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but the ending shouldn’t surprise anyone. It’s not like Axel is allowed to win non-title matches and there was no way he was going to win a match over Punk without shenanigans. Still though, not a terrible match or anything but it was part of a story instead of a match.

Post match Heyman won’t get in the ring until referees and security drag him to the gallows. Heyman blames Brock for the whole thing as Punk throws him inside. Naturally Axel makes the save with a low blow before Heyman gets killed. Heyman pulls out handcuffs to bind Punk’s hands behind his back, allowing Heyman to slap Punk around. He shouts at Punk to fight him so Punk gets up and kicks Axel in the head. Punk kicks Heyman down and gets in some shots to the back but Curtis comes in with a chair for the save.

Now Curtis brings in a kendo stick for Heyman to use. Punk: “MAKE IT COUNT!” Heyman shouts that he fathered Punk and that Punk was everything to him as he beats Punk down with the stick. Axel throws Punk onto the announce table and shouts that Punk deserves this before Heyman pounds away with the stick even more. Heyman shouts that he loved Punk and Punk broke his heart. Heyman is distraught as the fans chant something that sounds like boring. Screw them if that’s what they were chanting because the emotion here was great.

Natalya vs. Brie Bella

JoJo from Total Divas is the ring announcer and we have the rest of the cast at ringside. Brie gets in a few shots, only to be quickly caught in a Sharpshooter. Nikki and Eva Marie distract the referee, triggering a big brawl. Brie hits a quick X Factor for the pin at 1:40.

Post match AJ comes out to make fun of Total Divas before calling the girls interchangeable and useless. They’re on reality TV because they aren’t good enough to be actresses or talented enough to be champions. AJ goes on about how the girls from the show are worthless and aren’t even worthy of lacing up her Chuck Taylors and that is reality. If you’ve watched Total Divas, it’s almost impossible to cheer any of the cast members as they’re anywhere between evil, stupid, liars, money hungry or the pond scum of the earth.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam

Ricardo has an RVD shirt on as the announcers talk about Edward Snowden for some reason. Apparently Del Rio’s thing now is to have Mexican flags in the corners of the ring. RVD kicks him to the floor and we take an early break. Back with Del Rio working on the ribs and getting two off a German suplex. The champion goes to the middle rope but jumps into a kick to the face, setting up Rolling Thunder for two.

The split legged moonsault gets two more and there’s the springboard kick to the chest. Rob gets crotched on top to break up the Five Star, allowing Del Rio to hit the enziguri for two. Ricardo gets on the announce table to cheer, distracting Del Rio long enough to allow Rob to get a quick rollup for the pin at 8:30.

Rating: D+. This didn’t do much for me which is partially due to the time. Also, I can’t stand the idea of having the champion lose a match basically clean to set up another title shot down the line. It doesn’t make anyone look strong and devalues the title even more. Have Van Dam pin ANYONE else and get the title shot, then have Alberto vanquish the latest challenger. It builds up the title and keeps the champion strong, but why would you want to do that?

We see Cena saying he has to have surgery last week and get some shots of his arm after the operation.

Ryback doesn’t like being called a bully so he grabs Josh Matthews by the face and shoves him to the ground. He says he found a way to shut Josh up.

We look at the Punk/Heyman/Axel stuff for the third time tonight.

Heyman, with blood red eyes, says Punk is like a petulant child who has to be beaten over and over until he learns his lesson. Paul says he feels like a man and now his prodigal son will learn to never come up against him.

Christian vs. Randy Orton

Non-title again. Christian grabs a quick rollup for two but gets taken down by a shoulder block. A quick attempt at the Elevated DDT is countered with a backdrop to the floor followed by the baseball slide. Back in and a reverse DDT puts Orton down, only to have him dropkick Christian off the top. Orton pounds on Christian before draping him over the top rope.

A knee lift puts Christian on the floor before we hit the chinlock for a bit. Christian tries a comeback but gets taken down by a headbutt and it’s back to the chinlock. Christian fights up again and they slug it out with Orton running into an elbow in the corner. In a scary looking spot, Christian goes to the middle rope for a tornado DDT but gets shoved down, bouncing off the apron on the way to the floor.

Back with Orton holding a chinlock before hitting a nice superplex for no cover. Christian grabs a quick small package for two but gets taken down by Orton’s clotheslines. The RKO doesn’t work and Christian gets a quick high cross body for two. Christian’s middle rope dropkick is countered into a jackknife cover for two, only to have Christian counter into a sunset flip for the same.

The Elevated DDT is countered again but Christian can’t hook the Killswitch. A tornado DDT gets two but Orton comes back with the Elevated DDT for two. The RKO doesn’t work and the spear connects for a very close two. The Killswitch is countered and Orton gets in a thumb to the eye, setting up the RKO for the pin at 15:20.

Rating: B-. Good match as usual between these two with things getting much better after the break. Christian is a solid hand to have out there as he can get a good match out of almost anyone. That’s an invaluable thing to have on the roster as Christian doesn’t need a world title to be over, yet the fans are going to cheer for him anyway.

Post match Bryan pops up on screen and says that was an A+ match (B- actually). He says that was such a nice car that HHH gave Orton earlier, but when Orton loses at Night of Champions, will Bryan be the new face of the WWE? Bryan steps to the side to show the word YES spraypainted all over the car. Cole: “Now it’s a YESCalade!”

Back with HHH, Orton and Brad looking at the car. For some reason Brad tells them that the locker room thinks this is hilarious. HHH says that the car and the belt are his personal property. Maddox is told to go to the stage to watch what happens to Bryan tonight. If anyone interferes tonight, they’re fired.

Titus O’Neil vs. Jack Swagger

Colter says if Mrs. Young and Mrs. O’Neil had been responsible, we wouldn’t be looking at an inferior tag team. Swagger takes him into the corner to start and pounds away before taking Titus down with a knee to the ribs. A DDT on the leg keeps Titus down but O’Neil comes back with a bunch of shoulder blocks and a fallaway slam. A chop block sets up the Patriot Lock but Titus quickly kicks him off. Jack’s rollup in the corner with feet on the ropes is broken up by Young, allowing Titus to hit a release spinebuster for the pin at 3:18.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as this feud continues to be completely one sided. The Colter promos are working but they’re being wasted when his guys keep losing every match they have. Then again you can’t have Young or his partner lose because some idiotic group would say they’re punishing him for being gay, because said group will have no idea how wrestling works.

We get a video from WWE.com with the Wyatt Family talking about Sister Abigail, who apparently inspired Bray Wyatt to become what he is today.

We recap the car stuff tonight.

Punk has refused medical attention and comes in to see Brad Maddox. He DEMANDS a match with Paul Heyman but Maddox makes it a handicap elimination match against Heyman and Axel at Night of Champions. If Heyman tries to get out of it, he’s gone. Punk says if Heyman does get out of this, we’ll never see Maddox again.

Daniel Bryan vs. Shield

Under gauntlet rules with Rollins getting the first crack at Goatman. The roster is on the stage to watch and Big Show has nothing to say about his match last week. Ziggler doesn’t say anything either and Miz stops himself before going too far with the criticism. Bryan fires off kicks to start and hooks a surfboard while also cranking on the neck. More kicks to the chest have Rollins in trouble and a Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor. Ambrose and Reigns close in on Bryan, allowing Rollins to drive Bryan into the barricade for control.

Rollins stomps away but Bryan fires off right hands out of the corner. Bryan moonsaults over him to set up the running clothesline and more kicks to the chest. Rollins ducks the big one to the chest and rolls to the apron for a Stunner on the top rope. Bryan ducks the springboard knee and catches Seth in a half crab but he’s too close to the ropes. Rollins rolls to the floor and the FLYING GOAT sends him over the announce table as we take a break.

Back with Rollins holding a chinlock before hitting a running forearm in the corner. He slaps Bryan in the face a few times and tells Bryan to stay down while doing the finger point. Seth goes to the other corner but Bryan charges at him with the running dropkick. Bryan comes back with the kicks and sits on a sunset flip for two. They trade some nice near falls but Seth takes his head off with a jumping enziguri.

An inverted Impaler gets two and Seth loads up a superplex, only to get crotched on the top. Bryan busts out a release German superplex with Rollins landing on his face. The running knee to the head (missed by the camera) gets the pin at 12:00. Ambrose immediately runs in to start pounding away but the YES Lock has Dean in trouble, only to have Reigns make the save at 12:30. Reigns’ match starts but Bryan catches him in a YES Lock right off the bat, only to have Ambrose and Rollins come in for the no contest at about 13:00 total.

Rating: B-. We’ll mostly ignore the last two thirds as they weren’t matches at all. That being said, the Rollins vs. Bryan stuff was really good other than the bad camera work. You can’t have Bryan beat Shield on his own of course and thankfully they didn’t have Ambrose tap out. It can be that simple sometimes but most of the time the champion has to lose.

Post match Shield destroys Bryan with the Triple Bomb as HHH comes out to make sure no one helps Daniel. Cue Orton for the RKO to end the show. This would be four straight shows where our final image is Daniel Bryan laid out.

Overall Rating: B+. Questionable ending aside, I really liked tonight’s show as it was all about the top two stories. The stuff filling in the gaps wasn’t bad either and it made for an entertaining episode. Nothing was overly boring on here and it set up some stuff for the future. I wasn’t wild on the way some of the matches ended, but at least we got some of the results we needed. Really strong show this week.

Results

Cody Rhodes b. Fandango – Rollup

The Miz/Cody Rhodes b. Damien Sandow/Fandango – Skull Crushing Finale to Sandow

CM Punk b. Curtis Axel – GTS

Brie Bella b. Natalya – Bella Buster

Rob Van Dam b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Titus O’Neil b. Jack Swagger – Release Spinebuster

Daniel Bryan vs. Shield went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 24, 1998
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 14,727
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Man it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these hasn’t it? I kind of got sidetracked by some newer Raws and Superstars plus that whole Wrestlemania thing but we’re back now. This is the go home show for Summerslam so expect a final push for Undertaker vs. Austin. That show wound up being awesome so hopefully this one is too. Tonight is also the end of Brawl For All, THANK GOODNESS. Let’s get to it.

Undertaker and Kane come in through a back door. Or maybe it’s a locker room.

Theme song.

It was a locker room.

Taker and Kane come out together to open the show. JR calls Undertaker Mankind for some reason. The Cell is above the ring. Before they say anything, Vince comes out and is all smiles. It’s his birthday according to JR. Then again according to him the 7ft guy in all black will debut a sock puppet one day. Vince: “Well, Undertaker and Kane have finally come out of the casket.” Vince McMahon: True Blood writer?

Vince says he told us all so and he tells us that twice. He says that Undertaker doesn’t need him since he has Kane by his side now. However, once Undertaker becomes champion, there will be a time when he need Vince for his mind. Before the night is over, Vince wants an answer to the question “Vince McMahon: friend or foe?” Paul Bearer comes out and asks Kane if it’s true or a nightmare.

He says he’s the one that’s always been there for Kane and asks Kane to destroy Undertaker for daddy. Taker jumps Bearer and Kane walks away. Mankind comes out for the save….and gets beaten down by both brothers without fighting back at all. Kane loads up the Tombstone and Taker goes up top to make it a SPIKE TOMBSTONE. Why didn’t they bust that bad boy out more often?

Vince says now only Austin remains between Taker and the title. Cue Austin to keep this segment going. He pops up on the stage and a wall of fire comes up. Austin (now with the Smoking Skull belt. Not sure if that had been seen before) says he knew they were together all along and that he doesn’t appreciate being set on fire. He can’t beat both of them at once so tonight, he’s taking one of them out.

Ken Shamrock vs. Dan Severn

Mankind has been taken out in an ambulance. This is a result of the triple threat last week where Severn choked Shamrock out post match. They both fight for the leg control to start but Severn rolls into the ropes by mistake. He comes back with a powerbomb but doesn’t cover. After a gordbuster a powerslam gets two…and Owen runs in for the DQ. He chokes Shamrock but Blackman runs in to clear that up. This feud just kept going and going. Too short to rate but it was certainly different. Shamrock snaps and suplexes Blackman post match. Then Blackman suplexes Shamrock.

Mankind is out of the ambulance and playing with the stretcher.

Summerslam Highway video. This is still awesome.

Post break Mankind surfs down the ramp on a stretcher. He gets in the ring and says it was cahoots all along. A good cub scout should always be prepared and his good cub scout leader Mr. McMahon said that Kane wasn’t good but Mankind didn’t listen. Tonight it’s Kane vs. Mankind in the Cell. He wants to know what kind of idiot would get back into the same match that almost killed him. Somehow he’s going to throw Kane off the cage or through it, onto 7000 thumbtacks.

We get some clips of the “last” Cell match which is between Taker and Foley. Even they’re already disowning the tag team one.

Here’s Sable to announce the next match.

Marc Mero vs. Kurrgan

Sable dances with the Oddities pre match. No Jackie this week. She’d be at Summerslam for a mixed tag though. Mero asks the Oddities to leave which they do willingly. Kurrgan overpowers him down and dances a bit. Mero goes for the knee until Kurrgan picks him up and hits what we would call a Punjabi Plunge. Jackie runs through the crowd and beats down Sable as Mero hits Kurrgan low for the DQ. This was pointless.

X-Pac relieves himself in someone’s boots.

Southern Justice vs. New Age Outlaws

Someone with a deep voice pops in on commentary. He sounds like he’s doing a Terry Funk impression. Oh it’s Hawk who is bombed still. Jarrett comes out before the match with something to say but his mic doesn’t work. He gets on the headset and reveals those were his boots. Canterbury and Gunn start things off with the Outlaws taking over. Off to Roadie for the dancing punches. Jeff challenges him to a match which was already announced. Off to Knight for a suplex as the match is being ignored. With the referee distracted, Gunn piledrives Knight for the pin. The match was just a backdrop for Jarrett’s ranting.

Jarrett gets annoyed at the cameraman for shooting his boots so Southern Justice holds him for a haircut.

Mankind vs. Kane

Inside the Cell. Kane comes out first so once he’s in the Cell, Mankind tries to climb the cage. He beats up the referee that tries to stop him which lets him ram the cage door on Kane’s head. They fight outside the Cell and Foley tries to throw a chair on top of the cage twice, one of this might have hit Lawler on the way down. He tries to climb up and Taker pops up from out of nowhere to pull him off and through the table. They haven’t been inside the Cell together yet.

Now Kane comes back around to beat Mankind up some more. Kane drags him towards the door and slams it on Mankind’s body which is on the ground. Ok NOW they’re inside the cage together. Kane throws the steps into the ring and beats him in the head with it as Taker watches. He manages a dive over the top to the floor to take out Mankind before trying to throw the steps on top of him from the ring.

Mankind manages to sneak under the ring and comes out with a chair plus the bag of tacks. The chair shot to Kane’s head gets a HUGE pop which suggests the popularity Foley could have as a face. Chokeslam attempt is countered by the Claw but they slug it out instead. Piledriver to Kane sends him into the tacks without much force, but it’s not played up as a huge deal. Mankind goes up but Kane clocks him with a chair.

Chokeslam puts Foley down and there’s the tombstone but Kane won’t cover. Taker sends him a throat slit sign so Kane picks up another chair. Foley gets up and a pair of chair shots to the head puts him down. Mankind gets up AGAIN but walks into a tombstone on the chair. Austin pops out from under the ring (that’s a Russo Special) and destroys Kane, resulting in probably the only DQ in the history of the Cell.

Rating: C+. This was more about the ending of the match than the match itself. The main idea here though was to basically turn Foley face through feeling bad about the horrible beating he took. It’s not a great match or anything but it pretty much did its job. They would lose the titles on Sunday anyway so Kane and Mankind could split in peace.

Taker tries to get in to stop the beating but Vince raises the Cell to prevent Austin vs. Taker from happening before Sunday.

Post break Taker calls Austin a coward for jumping Kane. He says that seals Austin’s fate and tonight, he’ll take his revenge because it’s personal.

Here’s Chyna who wants to call out Rock because of the beating HHH got from the Nation last week. Before she says anything Rock is here. The rest of the Nation comes out as well with a ladder. I think I remember this segment happening live. Rock gets on the bottom rung of the ladder and shows Chyna a shot of DX’s locker room with a forklift in front of it. Rock talks about going to Summerslam, climbing the People’s ladder rung by rung and taking his Intercontinental Title back.

As for Chyna, he sees her looking at him with those bedroom eyes. She’s a very frustrated woman and Rock can’t blame her at all for that. The one conclusion is that Chyna needs to get some. About 2am tonight, Rock can be the man to give it to her. She lunges at him but Brown and Owen make her stop. Rock says she looks natural on her knees and leans down to kiss her but says he doesn’t kiss trash like you. Mark Henry however can do it but Shawn Michaels runs out with a chair to the head of Henry to save Chyna.

Post break DX is out of the room and looking for DX in the parking lot.

Val Venis vs. Taka Michnoku

This is technically a rematch from last week where Val ran the gauntlet but lost to Taka in the final match. Taka takes him down with a spinwheel kick but Val shrugs it off. Shawn is on commentary now but won’t tell us much his relationship with DX. Val powerbombs him and hits the Money Shot but HHH comes in with a chair shot to break it up.

HHH is MAD and says at Summerslam, Rocky belong to him. He was a bit more colorful than that but you get the idea.

We get an extended edition of the Austin vs. Taker video.

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Gangrel jumps him to start but Pac comes back with a spinning kick. Powerslam gets two for Gangrel and a powerbomb puts Pac down. A Swan Dive misses and Edge is watching. Pac comes back and hits the Bronco Buster but here’s Jarrett with a guitar shot for the DQ.

After DX gets X-Pac out of the ring, Edge runs in and beats down Gangrel.

Undertaker has a casket.

Brawl For All Finals: Bradshaw vs. Bart Gunn

THANK GOODNESS it ends here. I couldn’t take much more of this. We get a recap of this for some reason. Bart knocks him down in about ten seconds and the knockout is complete at 42 seconds. Dang I was hoping to get some reading in during this thing. Bart gets 75 grand and Bradshaw gets 25 grand, as this becomes one of the biggest jokes in company history. Bart didn’t get pushed AT ALL after this, other than forgettable and short feuds with Steve Williams and Hardcore Holly. No title shots, no big angles, no MMA gimmick change, nothing. We wasted six weeks on NOTHING.

Vince says he’ll get his answer tonight. You can hear stage directors saying to get the casket ready.

The lights go blue and the druids start chanting as some guy in a white jacket goes up the ramp for some reason. The druids brings out a casket and Undertaker follows with his new demonic music. Taker says Kane has his own business at Summerslam but for tonight, Taker wants Austin. Here’s Vince instead who asks friend or foe. He extends his hand and is promptly chokeslammed.

Austin pops out of the casket and talks trash to Vince. Now Kane pops out of the casket and beats up Austin while Undertaker watches. Austin gets to the floor and grabs a chair but walks away instead of fighting a losing battle. See, that’s how you have a smart but still tough face. In a cool visual, flames comes up (slowly) down the middle of the ramp, making it look like the dividing line on a highway, to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a hard one to grade. They certainly did a good job of pushing Summerslam as I think every match got at least a mention other than Brown vs. Venis (which for some reason would last fifteen minutes). However the main event stuff felt like a month of stories in one night. Tonight alone we had: Vince telling Undertaker to pick, Austin attacking Kane in the Cell, Austin and Kane in the casket, Undertaker and Kane officially uniting, Paul Bearer pleading with Kane, and probably some other stuff I’m forgetting. All of that in ONE SHOW. It was a bit too much for me, but the PPV makes up for it.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 22, 2011
Location: Rexhall Place, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We’re up north this week and it’s time for the fallout from Cena going Alberto hunting to end last week’s show. Also I’m sure we’ll be getting more out of Punk vs. the establishment in the form of Nash/HHH. This is a hot time for the company so hopefully they can manage to keep it going this week in, as Lawler likes to call it, Bizarro Land. Let’s get to it.

One note: I’m watching a recording so the times on matches with commercials may be a bit inaccurate but I’ll do my best with them.

Here’s Alberto to open the show in a Lamborghini. Sign in the audience: Alberta hates Alberto. That’s cute. He says “my name” and is cut off by My Time Is Now. Cena seems way over here in Canada. He introduces himself to Alberto and calls himself the man that’ll take the championship off Del Rio. Also, he’s going to hurt him so badly that Del Rio is going to run back to his parents’ house because he’s tired of the flea market scarves, the second rate help and the rented luxury cars. This is serious Cena.

Cena says he’s tired of seeing average people like Del Rio because there’s only one person in this company that can go toe to toe with Cena. He’s looking at Del Rio and doesn’t see CM Punk so he’s not looking at anything better than average. Cue Punk who says Cean shouldn’t get another title shot. Punk beat him twice in big matches and would be champion if not for Alberto cashing in (which he’s cool with).

Punk and Cena argue a bit and Alberto cuts them off (Cena: Hey look it’s captain third wheel), saying it’s his time. Alberto says get out of here in Spanish. Punk says never cut him off again. He says his cashing in were both better than Alberto’s. He knows that everyone is out to get him, including Del Rio, HHH, Nash and maybe even Jack Tunney. However, Cena needs to pay attention because just after Punk insulted Stephanie at the PPV, he gets jumped. The reason Cena needs to pay attention is if he had beaten Punk, the text would have said “take out Cena”.

Punk thinks someone wants Alberto to be champion. Punk says he’s going to cash in his rematch tonight. Cena says he’s cashing in tonight, not Punk. Punk: “Your rematch clause is about as real as Santa Claus.” Alberto says he defended last week so this week it’s time to celebrate. He celebrates in full wrestling gear? Now here’s HHH to talk some more. He tells Alberto to take the smug look off his face because he’s not here for Del Rio. Alberto’s match is up next so stick around. Also you can’t just cash in rematch clauses whenever you like it. Punk vs. Cena for the #1 contender spot at Night of Champions.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison

Non-title here remember. Morrison goes right for him to start but gets guillotined on the top. That goes nowhere so Del Rio goes for the arm. Morrison fires off a dropkick but it’s right back to the arm. John sends him to the floor and tries an Asai Moonsault, only to miss and land on his feet. Del Rio sends him into the barrier and takes over again. Back from a break with Del Rio holding a chinlock.

Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. I love Alberto’s psychology as he hits something to slow Morrison down and and then it’s right back to the arm. Cole says Morrison is an avocado. Why he calls his this isn’t clear but then again what is from Cole? Del Rio keeps hammering away as this is another of the kind of matches he needs: a match with a legit name who shouldn’t be ready to beat him so the loss means nothing but the win means something for Alberto.

Morrison manages to backdrop him to the floor and gets all fired up. He goes for the Starship Pain position but Del Rio gets away before it launches. The Mexican hits a German on the American. Cross armbreaker can’t hook and Del Rio gets caught in a spinning DDT which looked good as Morrison managed to avoid the botch. Morrison’s shining wizard doesn’t hit but he gets a rana for a close two. Big kick to the head looks to set up Starship Pain but Del Rio moves. Morrison’s shoulder hits the post and the armbreaker ends this at 12:30.

Rating: B. I was into this one. Like I said earlier, he needs wins like this one because it builds him up. Swagger lost matches like these and it really hurt his credibility. This makes Del Rio look good because Morrison is a solid and established midcard guy. A loss to Del Rio doesn’t hurt him and the win makes Alberto look good. That’s all you need and it’s the best thing they can do.

Del Rio puts the hold on again on the floor.

Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella

The announcers said this was vs. Brie before the commercial. Does it really matter? The evil Divas do an old school inset interview talking about how they don’t want to be popular or voluptuous or pretty like Eve and Kelly (which is Beth saying these things and Natalya saying we don’t). Nikki takes over to start but gets caught in the hip gyrating moonsault. What awesomeness! Moonsault is broken up but Eve hits a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for the pin at 2:37. This was nothing but it was bad.

Kelly hits K2 on Brie post match. Natalya and Beth come out to glare at the nice girls.

Nash is up next.

Ok no he isn’t.

Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger

Vickie does Jack’s intro and is managing him now. Swagger takes him to the mat very quickly and JR says Swagger is a former two time world champion. So the ECW Title counts? We’ll have to remember that for Mark Henry later. Riley gets that SWEET spinebuster of his and here’s Dolph. He yells at Vickie as Swagger can’t get the powerbomb. Vickie is on the floor but we didn’t see what happened. Swagger goes after Dolph and shoves him, walking back into the ring and a rollup for the pin at 2:00. I really hope they’re not getting straight to Dolph vs. Jack as this could go for a very long time.

Here’s HHH who talks about how there were issues at Summerslam but he wants to bury this right here. He calls out Nash and they shake hands/hug. Nash says he believes what HHH said about not sending the text, however he needs to be able to prove that he’s a man, referencing wanting to fight Punk. HHH says Nash doesn’t work here so he can’t do anything. Nash says he would have killed Punk last week and the security was to protect Punk, not Nash. HHH can fight Punk, just not here. He asks Nash to leave and here’s Punk.

Punk says he wants to get to the bottom of this. Let’s play Clue: was it Big Lazy with the tube of Just For Men in the conservatory? Was it HHH backstage with the sledgehammer? Or was it Stephanie in the library with a candlestick? We have a library? The tape library perhaps? Punk doesn’t believe any of these people and Nash said that Punk stepped over a line last week. That’s what Punk does, but now he’s done talking. He goes for Punk but HHH cuts him off.

Punk gets in HHH’s face and wants to know what HHH’s problem is with Punk. Why does he not want Punk being champion? Who’s pulling the strings? HHH? Nash? Or Stephanie, the bean headed wife? HHH says he made a promise to not get physically involved, but don’t cross a line with him because he’s the same guy he used to be and he’ll leave Punk laying where he stands. Punk makes fun of HHH again and Nash decks him and the former Clique leaves with HHH being mad at Nash. The fans chant for Punk.

Back from a break and HHH yells at Nash. Nash says HHH isn’t the same since he put on the suit and leaves.

Tag Titles: David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty vs. Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne

This is a rematch from last week. Lawler points out that the champions haven’t done anything with the belts. We get a Bushwhackers reference as Lawler says they had better charisma. That’s true at least. Bourne beats on McGillicutty to start but that doesn’t last long with Kofi coming in. After some more attacking he goes outside after both champions and gets caught easily.

Otunga comes in to work over Kofi, hitting a corner clothesline for a very delayed two. Off to a chinlock for a few seconds and here’s McGillicutty who hits a double team dropkick/atomic drop for two. JR says that was an almost perfect dropkick. Off to another chinlock and McGillicutty yells at Lawler, asking if that was impressive. In a cool move Kofi nips up into a headscissors and brings in Bourne. He cleans house with jumping knees and a spin kick for two. Kofi sends Michael to the floor and hits Trouble in Paradise to Otunga. Shooting Star Press gives us new champions at 5:00.

Rating: C. Eh just a quick match here. Otunga and McGillicutty aren’t horrible but they were boring as champions. Either way this wasn’t too bad but hopefully this starts a new thing in the division as JR and the announcers make it seem like it’s kind of a big deal. This wasn’t bad and them winning that fast was probably a good thing.

Some NXT guys and Ryder pour champagne over the new champions. They’re really pushing this as a big deal.

Johnny Ace catches up with HHH and tells him Nash was in a car wreck. Well of course he was. Ace gives HHH the hospital info and will run Raw as HHH leaves. I’ll set the over/under at 12 minutes into the main event before Nash arrives.

Here’s Santino for a match but Miz and R-Truth jump him on the way to the ring and give him a big beatdown. Truth calls Santino Little Jimmy and says that’ll happen every time. DON’T START THE WHATS!!! Truth says he’s tired of the HHH/Stephanie/everyone else conspiracy. He used to main event PPVs but now it’s not about him. It’s not about Miz either.

Time for Miz to speak and he says Truth is right. The Canadian crowd gets on his nerves so he yells at them. He was in the main event of Wrestlemania and now he has to yell at Jared the Subway guy. Miz speaks slowly so Canada can understand him. He’s sick of Santino, who hasn’t won a match on Raw in five years (or since June but who’s counting) while the two of them get nothing.

They’ll be taking an opportunity instead of waiting for one which includes stomping spiders. Some people are gonna get got. That’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and IT’S AWESOME. In a cool moment, Truth does a freestyle to the beat of his song and yells at the crowd with YOU SUCK replacing What’s Up. That’s rather cool.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Ace and Del Rio are at ringside. The fans throw Cena’s shirt back twice. I’ll take it if they don’t want it. This is a pro-Punk crowd. It’s a slow start but they have some time. The fans chant for the Oilers (hockey team) and here comes Cena. He goes into the finishing sequence very quickly. The Shuffle is countered into a rollup for two very quickly. Leg lariat sets up the corner knee and bulldog for no cover.

Punk goes up but gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back and both guys are down. Punk grabs the GTS but Cena escapes as does Punk from the AA. Another AA attempt fails and Punk gets the springboard clothesline for two. GTS is countered into an STF attempt but Punk escapes. Cena uses pure power to push Punk down into the STF where Punk is in trouble.

That’s a good looking hold but Punk makes the ropes. Cena’s shoulder goes into the post and the GTS gets two. They’re telling a good story as they know regular stuff isn’t going to work so they’re throwing bombs from the beginning. Punk goes up but the elbow misses. I love that tribute he does to Savage. That’s what it should be: a move done in his honor and the point to the sky is perfect in multiple ways for Savage.

Cena now goes up and hits the Famesasser for two. AA #4 is countered into a SWEET running knee for two. HUGE AA gets a very close two. Again I love the throwing huge stuff and almost nothing but huge stuff. Top rope cross body is rolled through into the AA but Punk reverses into a sunset flip for two. He sets for the GTS but here’s Nash again, saying it’s not over with Punk. Punk turns around and the AA sends Cena to Night of Champions at 14:25.

Rating: B+. Seriously were you expecting anything but a good match here? They have that chemistry that you need and it’s showing here. You give these two fifteen minutes and they’ll give you the top level match they’re capable of. Obviously TV is different than PPV but this was rather awesome indeed. Good match as the kicking out was good stuff.

Alberto immediately jumps Cena until Johnny Ace breaks it up. Del Rio beats him up some more because he can.

Overall Rating: B+. This was another good show with some good matches and a lot of drama. The idea of having Nash faking the car accident and someone helping him in on it (no idea if Ace did it or not because he may have just been given a note by a fake caller etc) is interesting as there could be a lot of ways it could go. Good show here with a nice mixture of stuff going on.

Results

Alberto Del Rio b. John Morrison – Cross Armbreaker

Eve Torres b. Nikki Bella – Swinging neckbreaker

Alex Riley b. Jack Swagger – Rollup

Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne b. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty – Shooting Star Press to Otunga

John Cena b. CM Punk – Attitude Adjustment

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 13, 2001
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 9,182
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

We’re past Summerslam now and the Alliance war continues. Rock got the WCW Title last night and Austin cheated to keep the WWF Title. Other than that not a lot happened last night. Still though, they had a well hyped show last night and the show worked very well. It was probably the high point of the Alliance Era PPVs. Tonight we start on the road to Unforgiven. Let’s get to it.

Austin is greeted by a big celebration from the Alliance. This is Steve Austin Appreciation Night. He says he’ll lead by example and has more of last night for him if need be.

Stacy Keibler/Torrie Wilson/Ivory vs. Jacqueline/Molly Holly/Lita

The Alliance beat up Lita last night so there’s your story. Ivory and Molly start with a nice little gymnastics routine. Off to Jackie vs. Torrie and guess who wins that one. Jackie takes down both blondes and here’s Lita to a big reaction. She beats on Ivory for a bit and then brings Jackie back in. A tornado DDT gets a quick pin on Ivory. It’s as out of nowhere as it sounds.

Rating: D. What exactly are you looking for here? The match was nothing and a few of the girls looked good. In short, it was a Divas match and no one cared. These feuds went nowhere until Trish FINALLY started getting better and feuded with Lita to make anyone care in the slightest about the Divas.

The Dudleys are in the back with Test when Stephanie comes in. She says they’ve had issues in the past but now they’re both more mature. Last night she didn’t get what she wants so tonight she wants Test to take Jericho out for good. Test calls Stephanie a bad name and says he’ll do it.

Here’s Rock, the new WCW Champion. Booker had talked about taking Rock to school but last night, Booker got taken to People’s Elbow 101, Advanced Rock Bottoms and Getting Whipped All Over The Building 407. Rock requests the appearance of Booker and it’s midget time. He ends every sentence with sucka and is convinced to do a Spinarooni. Now it’s a Moonwalk, the Running Man and the Deion Sanders dance.

Rock wants to know if Booker wants to keep dancing until Lance Storm comes out. Hijinks will end tonight and there’s a WCW Title match with Storm challenging later. Rock doesn’t know who Storm is. Storm superkicks the midget which isn’t quite as good as Shawn superkicking the girl a few years back. Somehow this took over twelve minutes.

We recap the APA chasing Shane off during the WCW Title match last night, resulting in Bradshaw taking Shane down with the Clothesline.

APA/Scotty 2 Hotty/Big Show/Spike Dudley/Billy Gunn vs. Dudley Boys/Chuck Palumbo/Sean O’Haire/Hugh Morrus/Tommy Dreamer

There are twelve in this if you don’t feel like counting. Farrooq vs. Palumbo to start things off. Quickly off to Sean and Scotty. I wouldn’t expect any long segments in this match. Morrus and Dreamer try to double team Hotty but get taken down by a double clothesline. Here’s Gunn who gets caught in What’s Up but the APA saves. Bradshaw pounds on Tommy and Spike adds a double stomp off the top.

Dreamer catches Spike in a half crab but it’s off to Bubba for some power. A HUGH double flapjack gets two for D-Von. Morrus comes in and walks into a Dudley Dog. Show comes in and everything breaks down. It’s finishers all around for the next minute or so, ending with Show killing Dreamer with the chokeslam for the win.

Rating: C-. This was a big mess but the parade of finishers is always fun to see. It makes no sense as why wouldn’t they use those all the time, but it’s always cool to see. This was really the only way to get most of the people on the roster onto the shows, especially before the Brand Split, which really was a good thing.

Hurricane gives his testimonial about why he loves Steve Austin, which turns into why Green Lantern is awesome. Austin is his new favorite though.

Chris Jericho vs. Test

Jericho is all banged up from the Rhyno match last night. He says nothing of note pre match. Jericho hits a quick forearm to start but walks into a full nelson slam for no cover. Test hammers away but a powerbomb is countered and Jericho takes him down with a spinwheel kick. A neckbreaker sets up the bulldog but Stephanie breaks up the Lionsault. The big boot misses and Jericho knocks him to the floor. Chris goes after Stephanie but here’s Rhyno. Jericho sends him into the steps but walks into the big boot for the pin. Short match and not much to it.

Last night Christian accidentally speared Edge but Edge won the IC Title anyway. Christian comes up to Edge and talks about how they won the King of the Ring and the IC Title last night. Edge raises his glasses at this but lets Christian take the trophy for his match tonight.

Austin inspires Stasiak so much that Stasiak can’t say it right so we get well over 40 takes of it.

Mick Foley is at WWF New York and is inspired by Angle almost winning but getting screwed last night.

WCW Title: Lance Storm vs. The Rock

Storm jumps the champ to start and Rock is in some trouble. Rock comes back with a clothesline and punches away. Storm hits that perfect superkick of his to knock Rock to the floor. Back in Rock charges into an elbow and Storm gets two off a clothesline. Storm punches him down but walks into a spinebuster to put both guys down. The champ gets two off a DDT. Rock Bottom ends this clean.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad I guess but what was the point? Rock was never in any real jeopardy (as expected) but there wasn’t even a hurdle for him to get over. This went nowhere though and seemed kind of stupid to do to a guy that lost the IC Title last night. Couldn’t they swap in like Hugh Morrus or someone like that here?

Little Booker comes in for a People’s Elbow and two Spinaroonis.

We recap last Thursday where Saturn beat Moppy and then had Moppy stolen. He put her face on a milk carton. I think Raven wound up doing it.

European Title: Christian vs. Matt Hardy

Christian makes fun of the Sacramento Kings before the match because he’s turning heel soon. Lita still has a bad leg. Christian jumps the champ to start which doesn’t work that well. Matt is sent to the floor but is back in quickly for more punching. Matt hits a clothesline and escapes the Unprettier. Twist is countered and Christian gets a rollup with his feet on the ropes for two. Reverse DDT gets two. Unprettier is countered into the Twist for Matt to retain. This was nothing again.

Package of stills from Austin vs. Angle last night.

Booker arrives over an hour into the show and gets laughed at.

Page thinks Sara wants to sleep with him. He’s not worried about Undertaker.

Taz says Austin has toughened him up.

Booker demands a rematch with Rock tonight. Since Shane owns WCW, couldn’t he make the title match anytime he wanted to? Regal makes midget jokes and explains the midget to Booker. Tajiri laughs so tonight it’s Booker vs. Tajiri.

Booker T vs. Tajiri

Booker is in street clothes. Booker welcomes Tajiri to the fire so Tajiri fires (see what I did there?) off kicks. Tajiri gets caught by a beating and we go to the floor. Booker beats on him for about two minutes until the referee disqualifies him. Yeah keep making those young and popular guys look like jobbers WWF. Keep it up and see what’s going to happen with it.

Taker makes sure Sara wants to fight DDP tonight.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sara

Sara is allowed a free slap. Page shoves her down so Undertaker pulls him to the floor, chokeslams him on the concrete, the bell rings and Sara gets the pin in four seconds. And AGAIN, a WCW guy is made to look like a joke, meaning there’s no point in caring about him at all. Stuff like this is probably one of the biggest reasons the Invasion failed (along with the McMahons and it lasting five months).

Here’s the whole Alliance for Steve Austin Appreciation Night. Some of them have gifts for Austin. Heyman is the master of ceremonies here. Hurricane says that Green Lantern has been his hero but now Austin is his hero. Didn’t he say this earlier? He’s going to wear an Austin shirt instead of the Green Lantern one. Kanyon gives him a Who Better Than Austin shirt. Debra gives him a plate of the famous Debra Cookies. Heyman saves him from having to eat one by airing a video package of Austin’s time in the Alliance. All five weeks of it.

Stephanie gets in and calls the rest of the Alliance in as well. And now, a song. Yes a song. It’s the high point of the camp value of this, minus the good aspect of it. Lillian is brought in to sing, and I couldn’t possibly make this up, Wind Beneath Our Ring. It’s a version of a Bette Middler song and the words are on the screen with a bouncing Austin head. Stephanie makes her start again for a lack of heart and soul.

Now Stephanie is going to lead it. JR: “Oh God not that.” It makes Vickie Guerrero sound like Shakira if you’re interested. Chavo sings some of it for some reason as does Terri. Even Raven sings as does Justin Credible. I’m in awe of this. Not because it’s good or anything, but because THIS IS AIRING ON MONDAY NIGHT RAW.

Austin thanks everyone for it and yells at Tazz for wearing a Tazz shirt. FINALLY Angle arrives in the milk truck to spray everyone down/ Stasiak takes a header into the truck which gets the only laugh of the show out of me. JR says the Billion Dollar Princess has just become the Dairy Queen to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. There’s nothing redeeming about this show at all. Nothing. The longest match is the twelve man tag at just over five minutes. Everything else is a squash with the Alliance guys being decimated AGAIN. Then to top it off, they sang a Bette Middler song until a guy came out and sprayed everyone down with milk. Even TNA would say that was stupid. Horrible HORRIBLE show and one of the worst I can remember in a long time.

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Especially that last segment.1. Are people really as confused as they seem about who is going to help Bryan?  It’s really not that complicated.

2. Does anyone feel stupid for buying the rumor about Shield being downgraded in favor of Wyatt Family which was blamed on HHH?  Last night Shield became the personal security force for the super heel stable and fought three former world champions while Bray Wyatt squashed a jobber to the stars in two and a half minutes.  It’s like WWE…..LIED!  That’s not fair!
3. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a heel super stable in WWE.  Has there been one since Evolution? La Familia was on Smackdown so it means nothing.

4. It’s amazing how time can heal all wounds in WWE. Randy Orton came as close to raping Stephanie as you can while her husband was tied up and punted Vince in the head, but now it’s ok for the sake of business.  I love wrestling logic.

5. When is the last time heels held all titles in WWE?  It’s been a very long while.

6. You know what I like about the new stable?  They act like heels.  Seriously it’s that simple: they tell us what’s better for us, says the wishes of other people don’t matter, they say they’re going to do what they want no matter what because they own the place and they throw their authority around with no fear of reprecussions at all.  They’re EVIL, not making logical points with well thought out arguments that could sway the fans to their side.  It’s the will of the people vs. the people that tell us they know what’s best for us.  That’s good vs. evil and the best stories come from basic ideas such as that.