I’m going to keep this thread updated throughout Raw with all of the Slammy categories, nominations and winners. Keep refreshing this throughout Raw. Let’s get to it. Tell Me I Did Not Just See That Award (Surprise of the Year)
Presented by Booker T.
Brad Maddox’s Low Blow on Ryback (Hell in a Cell)
18 Seconds (Wrestlemania 28)
Kofi’s Miracle Save (Royal Rumble)
The Rock Gets Punked (Raw 1000)
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Comeback of the Year Award
Presented by the New Age Outlaws
Brock Lesnar
Chris Jericho
DX
Jerry Lawler
Winner: Jerry Lawler
Kiss of the Year Award
Presented by Vickie Guerrero
AJ and Daniel Bryan
AJ and Kane
AJ and CM Punk
AJ and John Cena
Winner: AJ and John Cena
Superstar of the Year
Presented by Ric Flair
Sheamus
John Cena
Big Show
CM Punk
Winner: John Cena
LOL Moment of the Year
Presented by Santino Marella and Tensai
The Rock throws Cena merchandise into the Boston Harbor
HELL NO at Anger Management
Randy Orton beats up Ricardo and Striker with food
Vickie Guerrero dances
Winner: The Rock
Hashtag of the Year
Presented by Zack Ryder and Layla
Feedmemore
Peoplepower
LittleJimmy
WWWYKI
Winner: Feedmemore
Newcomer of the Year
Presented by Sheamus
Antonio Cesaro
Brodus Clay
Damien Sandow
Ryback
Winner: Ryback
Match of the Year
Presented by Jim Ross, Gene Okerlund and Ricky Steamboat
Undertaker vs. HHH (Wrestlemania 28)
Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena (Extreme Rules)
Sheamus vs. Big Show (Hell in a Cell)
The Rock vs. John Cena (Wrestlemania 28)
Winner: Undertaker vs. HHH
Monday Night Raw – January 25, 1999: Talk About Gimmick Overkill
Monday Night Raw Date: January 25, 1999
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 15,538
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
It was a good night for the Corporation last night as Vince won the Rumble and Rock won the title back from Mankind in one of the most brutal matches you’ll ever see. This is kind of like a go home show in an odd way as we have Halftime Heat on Sunday. Anyway tonight we have Rock defending his newly won title against HHH in another I Quit match. I’ve also already done the next week’s show and the link is below as usual. Let’s get to it.
We open with stills and audio from last night where Rock cost Austin the Rumble and gave the win to Vince.
Cole’s voice is gone as he shouted a lot last night.
Shane brings out Vince to start the show. The Corporation comes out with the boss and carries him on their shoulders. Oh and Vince finally has his signature theme music now. Vince: “I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!” Well I’d hope so. Things usually fell apart when he wasn’t around. Vince talks about how Rock also won last night and says that since Rock was at ringside (distracting Austin), he gets the $100,000 bounty.
Apparently Rock didn’t get much sleep last night. He was out partying all night, but once he got home he broke into a cold sweat because he’s facing Vince at Wrestlemania. However, that’s not a problem because Vince has filed paperwork to say that he’s no longer the #1 contender. He gets to pick the challenger though. Vince says that Austin will never get another title shot, nor will he get another match with Vince.
This brings Austin to the Titantron, live from Texas (remember that we’re in Arizona). Austin says that he’s going to Wrestlemania, which Vince says is because Austin is buying a ticket. You know, because Austin couldn’t get any match on the card. Austin says he’ll be in the main event, and the Commissioner says so. We go to a wider shot to show Shawn Michaels next to Austin. Did I forget to mention that we were in San Antonio, Texas?
Shawn says that he’s giving Austin protection from himself. If Austin was in the arena tonight, he would destroy Vince and that’s not good. Apparently Shawn has taken a look at the WWF Rule Book (oh I’d LOVE to get my hands on a copy of that) and it says that if the winner of the Rumble steps aside, the person that comes in second gets the title shot. Vince looks like he’s about to be sick.
Austin says he’d love to have the title back but he’d rather beat up Vince more. Therefore on Valentine’s Day, he’ll put up the title shot if Vince will face him in a match. If Vince wins, Austin loses the title shot. However, Austin doesn’t want Vince to be able to run, so let’s make it a cage match. Austin sweetens the offer, saying he’ll NEVER get another title shot. That’s enough for Vince, so Austin guarantees victory. This came off as really serious, which is why Shawn smiling in the background was so annoying. Good stuff though.
An armored truck, presumably with Rock’s money, arrives.
Billy Gunn vs. Goldust
Gunn’s ankle is still messed up from last night. HHH says no catchphrase tonight, because he wants Rocky right here. He doesn’t think Rock made Mankind say I Quit and he knows Rock can’t make him say I Quit. HHH remembers the last time they fought for a title when HHH took the IC Title off Rock, but for once, be a man and accept the challenge.
Oh yeah we have a match here. Goldust jumps Billy from behind and tries for Shattered Dreams about a minute in. Billy counters by mooning Goldie, making him miss a cross body. Now Goldust’s music and pyro go off, and the Blue Freaking Meanie comes out dressed as Blue Dust. Billy gets two off a rollup and three off a piledriver after Blue Dust hit Goldie with the Head. Angle advancement here.
Mankind is here.
Here are the Oddities for a match but Rock interrupts. Rock tells them to get out of the ring and accepts HHH’s challenge for later tonight. Rock is done, but we cut to Mankind in the back as he hijacks the armored truck. He takes a bag of money out of it and heads to the arena. Mankind comes to the arena and says that Rock has his title, but Mankind has Rock’s money. He starts throwing the money away and tells Rock to stay back.
Mankind says he remembers getting hit in the head by a chair a bunch of times, but he does not remember saying that he quit. Instead he remembers being unconscious. However, with the help of the production team, he thinks he’s solved the mystery. We get a clip from Heat of Mankind screaming at Shane that he’ll never say the words I Quit. He says them in a very specific way, and interestingly enough, the time when he said the words in the match were in the exact same tone and speech pattern. Also, he doesn’t appear to move when he gave up, which makes Rock angry. Cole: “I KNEW IT!”
Therefore, Rock has no legitimate claim to that title. Mankind wants his rematch, and he wants it during Halftime Heat, in an empty arena match. This was actually a very clever way to make sure very few spoilers got out. As for the money, Socko is going on a shopping spree. Rock says deal, so Mankind says Have A Nice Day!
Droz vs. George Steele
Wait, because here’s Mideon to ask Lawler and Cole if they can see it. Whatever it is, it’s going to cover the place. For no apparent reason, George is in sunglasses. He immediately bites Droz’s arm and hits Drozdov in the arm with some kind of spike. The turnbuckle is bitten open, but Droz rams him into the buckle for the pin.
The Oddities save Steele from the beating.
The Stooges give the tag champs advice and also some salt peter to drink. For those of you unfamiliar, it’s stuff used in the military to tone down male sex drives.
Debra says no one can resist her. Mark Henry comes up to hit on her and Debra seems interested.
Tag Titles: Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett vs. Big Boss Man/Ken Shamrock
Boss Man vs. Jarrett to start with Boss Man cleaning house. The baseball slide into the right hand has Jeff in trouble (he and Owen are challenging) but he avoids a charging Boss Man in the corner. Owen comes in and stomps away, drawing a nugget chant. A big clothesline from Shamrock puts Owen down as Debra tries to blow kisses at Shamrock. An enziguri puts Ken down as does a powerslam, which gets two.
There’s the spinwheel kick to Shamrock’s jaw but a top rope dropkick misses. Debra gets on the apron and opens her jacket to reveal her bra, but Shamrock suplexes Owen anyway. Debra takes off her top entirely and there’s the ankle lock to Owen. Everything breaks down and cue the Blue Blazer with a guitar shot to Shamrock, giving Owen and Jeff the titles.
Rating: C-. Most of that is for Debra, which says a lot about this match. Nothing to see here for the most part as Owen and Jarrett weren’t that interesting as champions, but they would hold the belts until after Wrestlemania. Tag team wrestling was getting desperate for a new team to take the division by storm, but it would be another seven months before that happened.
Owen says he’s vindicated because he’s not the Blazer.
Here are Shane with the Stooges and some REALLY bad music. Shane has an issue with Kane, as he’s screwed Vince over lately. Last night after the Rumble, Kane came up to the McMahon suite and apologized. Shane invites Kane down to the ring and here’s the Big Fried Freak. Shane asks Kane to repeat the apology, but in public. Kane uses the voicebox to talk but Shane wants Kane on his knees. Surprisingly enough Kane does it, but that’s STILL not good enough, because Kane was only on one knee.
This brings out X-Pac who says that the Corporation needs to back off. Kane is too big and tough to take this kind of nonsense. He offers Kane a spot in DX and challenges Shane to a fight right now. This earns him a chokeslam from Kane, who apparently wants to stay in the Corporation because they have good dental. Shane gives Pac a Bronco Buster.
Earlier today, PMS took D’Lo Brown shopping. They want him to get them feminine hygiene products. Egads Terri acting is not a pretty sight. Nothing about Jackie is a pretty sight. He has to get a price check and the clerk recognizes him.
Here’s Val Venis’ latest video: Saving Ryan’s Privates/Sister Act. Naturally it’s focused on him and Shamrock’s siter Ryan, setting up Shamrock’s next title defense. It’s Val getting into the shower with Ryan, likely much to Shamrock’s chagrin.
Val Venis vs. Test
Nothing of note happens until Ken comes out and blasts Billy with a chair, sending him into the pumphandle slam for the pin.
Billy Gunn comes out for the save but Val thinks Billy hit him with the chair. Val takes out the bad ankle and we’ve got a threeway feud.
Road Dogg/Al Snow vs. Gangrel/Edge
This is a hardcore tag match and the non-vampires jump the fang dudes as they come up through their ring of fire. They brawl up on the stage before going down onto the concrete. Make that into the back as we can barely keep track of what’s going on. Gangrel crushes both of the opponents with a dumpster before Edge beats on Dogg some more. They fight into the back as Gangrel has silverware thrown at him.
Roadie gets hit in the back by a chair and put on the catering table. Snow and Edge slam chairs together before they fight into the women’s room. The Ho’s are chased out of there and Snow walks out with a toilet seat around his neck. All four guys go on top of something too dark to see before crashing through a table. Blue Dust was involved in there somewhere, giving Snow Head back. Dogg pins Gangrel.
Rating: D+. The problem here was that you couldn’t see a thing for the most part. It was one of those “let’s walk around and find whatever we can to throw each other into” matches which aren’t the easiest things in the world to talk about. The Brood would be switched up to give us Edge and Christian soon after this.
Taker says the evil begins tonight.
Snow wants another shot at the Hardcore Title, but wants 2/3 falls. Dogg says it’s a deal, but here’s the Ministry to beat all of them down. Mabel was brought into the team last night.
Taker is watching from his throne and says this will be a holy war.
Buy the PPV replay even though we’ve told you all the results!
WWF World Title: HHH vs. The Rock
I Quit match. HHH takes over to start with a bunch of punches both in the middle of the ring as well as in the corner. Just in case one of the areas got lonely I’m assuming. Rock gets sent to the floor and there’s a baseball slide. The champ starts to walk away so they fight up to the stage. HHH is rammed into the set but he comes back with a clothesline to take over. Rock won’t say it so HHH rams his head into the stage.
Back to ringside where HHH is sent into the timekeeper’s table. It’s time for some Rock commentary with Rock saying HHH is half gay anyway. There’s a line you wouldn’t hear ever after the 90s. That fires HHH up enough to take it back into the crowd where he chokes Rock with a cord. Back into the ring we go but HHH gets the bell and hammer. Rock comes back with a spinebuster and drops the Elbow onto HHH with the bell. All that gets is HHH telling Rock what he can suck.
HHH pops up and hits a Pedigree out of nowhere but it doesn’t do much good here. We head back to the floor where HHH hits a second Pedigree. He loads up a third on the announce table but here’s the Corporation with Kane holding Chyna by the hair. Either HHH quits or Chyna gets drilled. HHH quits to end the match when Rock was dead to rites.
Rating: C+. It’s Rock vs. HHH, meaning it’s automatically worth a look. The ending kept HHH looking strong which is good as he was about to get pushed further up the card. Rock looked good here as well and the ending was ambiguous because he might not have given up. Things would be changing very soon for HHH and for the better.
Here are the beginning of those changes, as Chyna hits HHH low and joins the Corporation. A big HHH beatdown ends the show.
Overall Rating: C. You can see the screwiness coming already. The good thing about these shows is they go by so fast that you can’t really tell if they’re bad or not. Austin vs. Vince would of course be huge but it would be overtaken by Undertaker’s insanity for the next few months. The main problem continues to be the midcard, which ranges from just ok to horrible. Not a bad show here, but 1999 just isn’t a good year from a quality standpoint.
Monday Night Raw – January 18, 1999: I’ve Heard Of Combining Match Builds But This Is Nuts
Monday Night Raw Date: January 18, 1999
Location: Montagne Center, Beaumont, Texas
Attendance: 7,454
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We’re back and it’s the go home show for the Rumble. The main stories going on here are Rock vs. Mankind along with Austin vs. Vince (of course), as we continue to get closer to Mania season. The main event tonight is Rock vs. Kane, who I don’t remember getting together that often other than for Rock to make fun of him. Let’s get to it.
We get the Martin Luther King video to open things up. Vince has always done this which is cool.
Here’s Austin to open things up. He goes through the usual stuff: He’s is #1 in the Rumble, there’s a bounty on his head, all that jazz. Austin says exactly what you would expect him to say in this case before talking about Mankind. He’ll be ready for the Rumble but he’s looking forward to facing Mankind for the title at Mania. The fans want him to beat up Vince tonight and win the Rumble on Sunday. This is one of the lamest Austin promos I can ever remember. Just nothing to it at all but the fans eat it up. Austin has a beer on the announce table and that’s about it.
Hardcore Title: Road Dogg vs. Gangrel
Dogg is champion and he says that even though his name isn’t Buffy, tonight he’s a vampire slayer. They start fast and the brawl heads to the floor with Gangrel in control. Dogg sends him into the barricade and then the steps before we go into the crowd. They slug it out out there before heading back to ringside for table time. The champ sets up said table but Gangrel hits him low and sends Dogg through the table via a powerbomb. That only gets two for Gangrel and Dogg comes back with a DDT onto the pieces of wood.
Another table is loaded up but Gangrel blasts Roadie with a piece of the broken one to take over. Some trashcan shots to the back slow Dogg down but he puts Gangrel on the second table. A shaky elbow off the apron doesn’t break the table and neither does a seated senton off the apron. A middle rope elbow mostly breaks it but Gangrel gets up first. Dogg whips Gangrel onto the broken table and follows it up with a suplex. A chair shot to the head from the apron finally ends Gangrel to retain the title.
Rating: C. This was a stiffer hardcore match than you’re likely used to as the title hasn’t turned into full on self-parody yet. It wasn’t good or anything like that but it was still fun at this point. Gangrel never did anything in the WWF so a match like this was a very strange thing to see from him. Decent match but nothing great at all.
Austin is still here.
Video on the Rumble.
Test vs. Billy Gunn
BIG reaction for Gunn here. Test’s shirt has a picture of a gun on it and says “Guns don’t kill people. I kill people.” Sign of the times man. Another sign of the times: America Online is sponsoring the show. They jockey for position around the ropes until Test elbows him down to take over. Billy comes back with a suplex and a middle rope elbow for two.
We head to the floor where Test takes over with the power stuff. As they come back in, Gunn guillotines him on the top rope a clothesline puts Gunn down but he counters the pumphandle slam. Billy’s piledriver is countered but he comes back with a Fameasser. Not that it matters though as here’s Shamrock to take Billy’s head off for the DQ.
Rating: D. This was just a backdrop for the ending to take place in front of. That’s the right move probably as the match on Sunday is about revenge for Shamrock, so having a crazy man like him snap before Sunday is the right idea. On top of that, would anyone be interested in seeing Gunn vs. Test go on any longer?
Post match Shamrock destroys Gunn and beats him up on the announce table. The ankle lock goes on and a bunch of referees get beaten up. Shamrock pulls out a hammer but doesn’t get to use it.
Halftime Heat is coming.
Billy gets his ankle looked at and screams very loudly.
Jarrett and Hart say they’ve beaten everyone and that they’re the next tag champions. Boss Man and Shamrock, the tag champions, come in and beat up the blonde guys.
Vince training video, this time showing him sparring in a ring. He Stuns a bunch of training partners and throws them out. These are still pretty funny. Shane: “AUSTIN IS GOING DOWN! WELL OVER ACTUALLY!”
Boss Man is beating on Mankind in the back. Mankind fights back but we lose the camera feed.
Dan Severn vs. Steve Blackman
Dan might have faked his neck injury and attacked Blackman on Heat last night to set this up. Blackman jumps him immediately and it turns into one of those annoying shoot style matches. Severn tries to ground and pound but Blackman takes his knees out. Dan comes back with a suplex but misses an elbow. Blackman gets fired up but Severn hits him low for the DQ. This was Severn’s last Raw match.
Blackman gets put in a dragon sleeper post match.
Mankind and Boss Man are still fighting.
Video on Rock vs. Mankind with both guys talking about how they’ll be awesome in the match. The theme seems to be that Rock will beat on Mankind but Mankind won’t quit. Nothing is mentioned of Mankind’s offense.
Mankind vs. Big Boss Man
They brawl into the arena and this is hardcore. The fight starts on the floor with Mankind going into the steps. Once they get in the ring we actually get a bell with Boss Man in control. Mankind comes back and drops a leg for two before pounding away a bit more. The champion elbows Boss Man to the floor but Mankind gets sent face first into a chair.
Several shots into the steps have Foley’s head in trouble before we head back inside. After Boss Man beats on him even more, Mankind comes back with a clothesline to slow down the punishment. There’s the double arm DDT and it’s Socko time. The Claw goes on but here’s rock with a chair shot to the back of Mankind head for the DQ. In a hardcore match.
Rating: C-. The very stupid ending aside, this was a pretty solid and brutal fight which did its intended job. Having Boss Man work over Mankind made sense as no one was expecting him to win, but he got to beat on Mankind for awhile and hurt the champion’s head, which would be chillingly revisited on Sunday.
Rock goes after Mankind’s head a bit more post match.
Henry begs Chyna for mercy because his mama is out there tonight.
Rock is worried about facing Kane tonight but Vince tries to play peacemaker. Kane is to lay down apparently. Rock calls Kane stupid and Vince demands that Kane do as he’s supposed to.
Here’s Chyna to force Mark Henry (numb nuts as she calls him) to make a decision about something. Henry’s mom is in the crowd. Henry comes out and says that nothing happened and can he please have the tape. Chyna says roll the footage. We see Chyna’s friend Sammi locking Henry in a room and kissing him. She goes down on him for a bit, Henry pulls up her dress, and Mark finds…..yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got a transvestite. Chyna yells at Henry and says his mom had this coming. Henry gets a low blow and his mama yells at him.
Patterson and Brisco talk strategy for their handicap match against Chyna tonight. They argue over who should get the pin.
Al Snow vs. Goldust
The winner of this gets to keep Head. Goldie stole it and we got Al Snow in drag because…seriously why was that a good idea? Goldust pounds away to start but walks into a suplex. They head to the floor almost immediately with Snow being dropped onto the steps. Apparently Gunn’s ankle is ok and he’ll be in the match on Sunday. Snow hits a rana back inside but gets caught by an uppercut and what would be named the Edge-O-Matic. A kind of forward belly to back suplex gets two on Al but Snow gets the same off a cross body. Out of nowhere an Oklahoma Roll gets the pin for Snow.
Rating: D. This didn’t do anything for me at all. Snow was a fine worker, but this story basically came and went in less than ten days. Just not much to see here, especially with how little time they had to work with. Goldust was just kind of there and that would be the case until he left for WCW in a few months/a year or so.
Post match Goldust steals Head again and hits Snow with Shattered Dreams. Goldie leaves with Head. This would result in Snow going insane.
Austin is still here.
Patterson tells Brisco to get the pin. Apparently Vince has said that Brisco should pin Chyna, which ticks Patterson off. These two are hilarious together.
Buy the WWF CD!
Mideon pops up and asks if Lawler and Cole feel it. He’s insane here as well and promises another sacrifice in six days at the Rumble.
Cue the Ministry with the torches and the throne. Taker talks about how Mideon is a once lost soul who has now been found. There will be another sacrifice at the PPV but we can’t comprehend who it’ll be. Ok then.
Chyna vs. Pat Patterson/Gerald Brisco
After a recap of the Corporate Rumble last week we’re read to go. There was an arm wrestling match last night on Heat with Chyna beating Vince (I think) as well. Brisco takes Chyna down to start but Chyna quickly takes over and shoots the half to take over. I don’t think the Stooges have to tag here. Patterson gets a shot now and he talks some trash. Chyna bends his fingers back so Pat puts her in an airplane spin.
Naturally it makes him dizzy so Brisco shoves him to the floor. Chyna beats them both up and we get the comedy groin shot. Patterson hits her low and Chyna is like dude, really? Chyna grabs them both by the balls and lets them argue. She sits on the top rope and stupidly allows Patterson to shove her down. Cue Sable of all people but Luna jumps her from behind. Apparently they’re fighting for the Women’s Title on Sunday in a strap match. Since freaking when?
Brisco does something like a People’s Elbow but the Stooges argue over who should cover. Now they slug it out a bit so Chyna rams their heads together. Brisco throws powder in Chyna’s eyes and they spank her around a bit. The Stooges grab her chest (Lawler: “WHAT’S PATTERSON DOING THERE?”) and Chyna clears her eyes out and beats them up easily. Both guys get DDT’d and she pins both of them.
Rating: D. I get the idea of comedy matches, but did we need molestation involved? On top of that, I’ve heard of hyping two matches at once, but what in the world was Sable coming out there for? Nothing to see here and the Stooges wouldn’t really be funny until they had their handicap match against the Mean Street Posse which is just awesome.
Austin is still here.
Rock and Vince make fun of Kane when he’s not around.
We recap Rock costing Kane the world title last week.
The Rock vs. Kane
Rock is in street clothes and seems to be limping a bit. All of the Corporation is with him here. The Corporation tries to calm Kane down and get him to take a dive with references to the Fingerpoke of Doom. Kane shoves Vince away and the big beatdown is on. Rock wants him all to himself and we get a bell. Dang and I had “no match” all ready to type. Some right hands stagger Kane but he throws Rock into the corner by the throat. A clothesline puts Kane on the floor and Rock pounds away a bit more.
Rock does his always funny commentary while wrestling thing but gets caught by the monster in the process. A low blow staggers Kane and we head back in. Rock hits some punches but the no selling by the monster begins. Another low blow puts Kane down and there’s the Elbow. Kane pops up and chokeslams Rock down but the Corporation runs in to throw the match out.
Rating: D+. It’s hard to get into these matches when you’re just waiting for the big ending and you know there’s no way someone is going to get a pin. Kane and Rock are a pairing that you didn’t see all that often which is kind of surprising given how they were both getting big at the same time. Nothing to see here as expected.
Post match the Corporation beats on Kane until Mankind makes the save. Rock bails and gets caught between Mankind and Austin to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. This is going to be one of those years where it depends on your taste in wrestling for the most part. The main feuds here are really well defined and they’re definitely going to be worth seeing on Sunday. The problem is the rest of the card, as there is NOTHING else worth seeing and almost nothing at all with any development at all. I guess you could say Shamrock vs. Gunn has been built decently, but that doesn’t exactly scream must see match to be. Anyway, watchable show here and it got me ready for the Rumble, which is the right idea.
Monday Night Raw – January 11, 1999: This Actually Happened On Live Television
Since I’m done with 1998 and 2001, the most logical step would be do fill in the gap with 1999 and 2000. Since I don’t want to take over two years to get through these years, I’ll be doing four episodes at a time instead of two, starting with January 1999. In other words, it won’t be two episodes from 99 and then two from 2000 like I did before. This is the year where WWF put its boot on WCW’s neck and crushed them and it should be interesting to see how they did it. Let’s get to it.
Since it’s one of the most famous episodes of Raw ever, I’ve already done the first show of the year. Here’s the review if you’re interested:
Monday Night Raw Date: January 11, 1999
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 12,585
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
We’re two weeks away from the Rumble and we have a new WWF Champion in the form of Mankind. The main stories going on are Vince is the #2 entrant in the Rumble to Austin’s #1, as well as Rock wanting his title match and revenge on Mankind. This is the start of one of the least wrestling heavy years in company history so let’s get to it.
Here’s DX to open the show. After playing to the crowd a bit here’s the NEW WWF World Champion Mankind, complete with his debuting signature song. The McMahons are in the back and getting all ticket off. Foley talks about always wanting to get here and now wants JR to call a match of his as world champion (JR was having health issues at this point mind you).
The champ thanks DX for helping him out last week and Austin for, you know, knocking Rock out cold and all that. Mankind throws the fans a big bone, saying that as long as he’s world champion, Austin will always have a shot at the title and he’d love for it to be at Wrestlemania.
Cue Rock and the McMahons with Rock of course as they can’t stand anymore. Shane doesn’t get the fascination with Mankind, but tonight he’ll do something about DX, meaning they all have matches tonight. Also tonight is the Corporate Rumble, where the winner will be #30 in the Rumble. Rock grabs the mic and says that Mankind didn’t beat him because he needed Austin to help. Ignore the fact that it was technically a clean win because it was anything goes I guess. As for Austin, Rock will take care of him later. Yep, at Wrestlemania.
As for tonight, Rock wants his rematch right here and now. The champ says that he’s already beaten Rock twice, so clearly he’s not championship material. Points for a funny line to Mankind for that one. Rock offers another No DQ match but Mankind won’t bite. Rock offers No Countout but Mankind isn’t persuaded. They trade catchphrases for a bit until Mankind finally says he’ll do it in an I Quit match. Rock seems scared but has to take what he can get. Vince makes Mankind vs. Kane for tonight.
Somehow that took over twenty minutes to get through. Thank you Vince Russo for making this a trend in wrestling.
Austin is here.
The Outlaws think Debra is distracting.
New Age Outlaws vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart
Winners get a title shot, presumably at the Rumble. It’s Gunn vs. Owen to start and there’s a gorilla press to Owen and one for Jeff as well. Gunn cranks on the arm of Owen and brings in Roadie for the shaky knee drop and the running crotch attack to Owen’s back as Owen is draped over the middle rope. SOMEONE NAME THAT FREAKING MOVE ALREADY! Off to Jarrett who immediately gets caught in an atomic drop but comes back with a bulldog.
After some heel double teaming, Owen’s Sharpshooter attempt is easily countered and it’s off to Jarrett. In a reunion of the country music act that went on WAY too long, Roadie and Jarrett collide, setting up the double hot tag to Owen and Gunn. With Billy cleaning house, here’s Debra to distract with the yet to be named Puppies. That goes nowhere for Billy (he’s saving himself for Chuck of course) but Chyna goes after her for some reason. That distraction is enough for Owen to roll up Billy for the pin and the title shot.
Rating: C-. This was one of the better Outlaws match from a wrestling perspective, which I’m sure had something to do with the fact that it only lasted about four minutes. Owen and Bulldog would win the titles soon after this and hold them until after Wrestlemania. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t the worst match ever.
The Outlaws yell at Chyna for costing them the match.
And now, it is time……for Gillberg. In one of the funniest parodies of all time, the new Light Heavyweight Champion Duane Gill has become Gillberg, complete with the LONG walk from the back, the heavily (and intentionally fake) piped in chants, Gillberg going insane like Goldberg, and the police escort. This is still funny even to this day. We’ve even got the JOB Squad holding up sparklers for the pyro but Gillberg chokes on the smoke. Gillberg wants to know who’s first, and now we get to the real joke.
Gillberg vs. Luna Vachon
Gillberg misses a spear, gets his eyes raked across the top rope, has his Jackhammer countered into a cross body, and is pinned by Luna in about thirty seconds.
Some guy is in a dungeon. This would be revealed as Mideon.
Here’s Val Venis for a match but first he sees a good looking woman in the front row to hit on. Cue Ken Shamrock to destroy Val, shouting to stay away from his sister. This brings out Billy Gunn who says he’s going to moon Ken’s sister. Billy gets a beating as well but Val comes in to beat up Shamrock. Boss Man comes out to save his partner and the ring is cleared. Shamrock gives Billy a shot at the IC Title at the Rumble, because that’s what you do when someone moons your sister.
Mankind and Austin are talking about something.
European Title: Al Snow vs. X-Pac
Pac is defending if you’ve forgotten. Snow takes over to start and pounds away in the corner with headbutts. The champ gets his boot up in the corner but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put him right back down. A powerslam puts Pac down again but the moonsault misses. Pac spinwheel kicks Snow into the corner and hits the Bronco Buster…and here’s Goldust. He blasts Snow in the head with Head, allowing Pac to retain the title. Why Goldie was here and what help Snow needed is beyond me but it’s 1999 so what are you going to do?
Al gets hit by Head again by Goldust.
Kane is sure he can win the title on his own. He doesn’t talk but you get the point.
WWF Title: Mankind vs. Kane
Kane charges right at him and we immediately head to the floor. The champ is sent into the steps before he sends Kane into them as well. Mankind dives off the apron to send Kane back first into the steps to slow the Big Fried Freak down. Back in and Kane pounds away, only to run into an elbow in the corner. As has been the case with this match, Kane isn’t that interested in selling so he slams the champ down and kicks him in the face. It’s not going to last long but the idea of two monsters slugging it out until one can’t get up anymore is always fun.
There’s a piledriver to put Kane down and we head back to the floor. That doesn’t last long as Kane rams him into the barricade and heads back inside for two. Top rope clothesline gets two, as does the Double Arm DDT Mankind gets after kicking Kane low. The champ puts on Socko but gets rammed into the corner (again). He jumps on Kane’s back to try to get the Claw on again but Kane counters into a tombstone for no cover. As Kane crawls over, Rock runs in with a chair for the DQ.
Rating: C-. Not much to see here but the crowd was NUTS for Mankind. The guy was on fire at this point and he more than deserved the title. While I’m not at all wild on the new champion getting destroyed here, the ending makes sense as Rock wants to get his revenge on Mankind rather than Kane. Not bad here, but it was short as expected.
Post match Austin comes out to save Mankind but winds up Stunning both masked dudes.
Vince yells at Rock but Rock says he wants to beat Mankind for the title.
HHH vs. Edge
Now here’s a match that would be VERY different in a few years. HHH takes him down to start and pounds away but a charge in the corner hits buckle. A spinwheel kick puts HHH down and we take a break. Back with Edge hitting a clothesline and a kind of bulldog for two. HHH makes his comeback with punches and the flying knee, followed by a boot to the face of a charging Edge in the corner. After a quick comeback by Edge, the Pedigree ends this. Nothing to see here, but man alive it’s weird to see these two in this spot.
Immediately post match the lights go out and Roadie gets a blood bath.
Cue the druids and we’ve got an Undertaker symbol. The Acolytes bring out Dennis Knight on a board. Then a tall dark man in a robe comes out to Undertaker’s music. Cole: “I THINK THAT’S THE UNDERTAKER!” Taker sits on a throne in front of the symbol and talks about how people have tried to put him down but he’s come back with a vengeance. The Ministry of Darkness is going to destroy the heroes and the plague of darkness is coming. He talks about how he’ll have few followers but it won’t matter.
Bearer pulls out a knife of some kind and Taker walks over to Knight. Knife in hand, Taker speaks in tongues over Knight….and slices his own wrist open. He pours the blood into a goblet and pours it down Knight’s throat. You want to talk about something that makes me embarrassed to be a wrestling fan, this would be a good place to start. Taker dubs him Mideon and starts carving symbols into his chest. A blot of lightning hits the symbol and it lights on fire. Mideon starts LEVITATING to end the segment. This actually happened on a wrestling show, I kid you not. Somehow, this would actually get worse.
D’Lo says he’ll do whatever Terri asks but this is too much. This is because Terri lost her baby or whatever.
D’Lo Brown vs. Mark Henry
No match, as Terri immediately hits Mark low. Chyna and Sammi make the save. If you don’t know who Sammi is……oh you will very soon.
Vince is in the snow running to a bad Rocky imitation. Shane has a bullhorn and is coaching Vince along. Now Vince has to chase a chicken. Vince: “I’M THE CEO OF A FORTUNE 500 COMPANY!” After the training they go to a steakhouse, but instead of eating, Vince gets to beat on the meat in the back. More funny stuff here.
Corporate Rumble
This is a mini-Rumble where the winner gets to be #30. We open with Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn (not in the Corporation so I guess this is an open field for some reason?) and after a break we’re ready to go. Oh apparently this is DX vs. the Corporation. Why would Vince agree to that? Shamrock kicks Gunn off the apron before Gunn gets in and DIVES ONTO THE FLOOR, eliminating himself in the process.
Shamrock pounds away on Billy as Shane cheers him on. The Boss Man is #3 and Billy is in big trouble already. Gunn comes back with a forearm but Boss Man chokes him down. Test is #4 (I think the intervals are about once a minute) to make it two on one. A big boot put Gunn down but they can’t eliminate him. Thankfully X-Pac is #5 but after only a few seconds, Test hiptosses Billy out.
The layout powerbomb puts Pac down but Road Dogg is #6. He’s still got the blood all over him and nothing happens until Kane is #7. A clothesline puts Roadie out and Pac is stuck 3-1. HHH is #8 and things speed up. Test accidentally hits Kane and gets knocked out as a result. HHH and Pac take out Kane but Pac is eliminated in the process. That leaves HHH vs. Boss Man….until Vince is a surprise entrant at #9.
Shane of course erupts as Vince sneaks in and eliminates both guys to seemingly win the thing. He tears his shirt off ala Hogan, but Chyna is another surprise entrant at #10. The place goes nuts but the Stooges won’t let her get in. Chyna decks both of them and here comes Austin. The distraction is enough to let Chyna throw Vince out (apparently knocking him out cold in the process) and get the #30 spot. Shane freaks to end the show.
Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade because the wrestling barely existed, but the fan reaction was incredible, as Vince got a ton of heat but Chyna’s pop was even better. Good surprise here but as usual, it’s all about the payoff and nothing about the buildup to that payoff. Such is life in the Attitude Era.
Overall Rating: D. As usual, as goes the main event so goes the rest of the show. The problem here is that there’s nothing really good from a wrestling perspective, but it did a great job at building up the Rumble, as well as giving us two hilarious bits with Gillberg and Vince’s training. The problem is you have the Ministry starting, which is just completely terrible and drags things WAY down.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Monday Night Raw – January 4, 1999: My Favorite Moment Ever In Wrestling
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 4, 1999
Location: DCU Center, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 10,668
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
This is the second half of our double feature I guess you’d call it. I just got done posting the Fingerpoke of Doom show. This is the Raw from the same night which of course features Mankind winning his first world title. The rest of the show is more or less forgotten and since this is my favorite moment in the history of wrestling I just wanted to do this show. Let’s get to it.
A video about the career of HBK opens the show. He had recently been fired as Commissioner by Vince so this is kind of a goodbye thing. Vince yells to cut the video, so we cut to the arena to see the Corporation coming to the ring. There is a lot of talent in there to put it mildly. Oh and Test is there too. Vince talks about how Shawn humiliated his son and if anyone does that again, they have to deal with Vince.
A live shot of Shawn coming to the arena is shown on the screen, and there’s the music. Not sure what the point of the video was since he was there seconds later. He has the cavalry with him, and it’s DX. And by that, I mean the REAL DX: HHH, X-Pac, Chyna and the Outlaws. This team with Shawn is a weird visual but cool at the same time.
According to Shawn he’s still the Commissioner because the contract is iron clad and Vince said the Commissioner answered to no one, including Vince. Shawn says the only way he leaves is if he resigns, which more or less set up the Vince makes Shawn’s life a living nightmare angle. We see a clip of Vince drawing his number for the Rumble and he wanted #2. Shawn therefore grants his wish, setting up one of the worst Rumbles of all time. He also promises Vince a surprise for later in the night, which will drive him Stone Cold Crazy.
Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman
By the way, Cole is somehow more of an annoying douche here than he is now.Shamrock is the IC and a tag champion here but this is nontitle. Ken was in the ring for the opening segment but had a regular entrance for no apparent reason. It’s a striking contest to start with Blackman taking over. We hear about Billy Gunn feuding with Shamrock, more or less giving away the ending.
Dan Severn, in a neck brace, comes down. He used to be both UFC Champion and NWA Champion at the same time. It’s so weird hearing about UFC on WWF TV. His mustache on his own could probably win the IC Title. It’s that awesome. Dan and Shamrock were big rivals in UFC so there’s the reason. Shamrock hits his belly to belly which is more of a throw than anything else. Severn pops up on the apron and Billy Gunn runs down for a Fameasser to Shamrock, giving Blackman the pin. Predictable but fine.
Rating: N/A. Not about the match or anything as this was just for the angle. That’s perfectly fine and is a common practice in wrestling today still. Blackman was just boring to put it mildly, but he was trying at least. The Attitude Era was known for having a point to everything, and this had about three angles going at once, which is average for the time.
Gunn and Shamrock are fighting in the back.
Here comes Mankind for no apparent reason. He doesn’t have his far more famous music yet either. Foley beat up Shane last week apparently. Foley: “I swear that was the first time I’ve ever grabbed another man’s testicles.” He’s just awesome at this point with his promos as he’s a clueless putz that seems to find himself in the top feuds in the company but everyone loves him and he can back it up. It was just out there all the time, but it worked like a charm.
He wants a shot at the Rock and the Title at the Rumble. We get an I Love Lucy reference as he says that’s what the fans want. He corrects the fans by saying he’s not God but he’s good. Foley beat Rock at Rock Bottom but Vince changed the decision. Vince comes out and blames Foley for blaming the fans. He says Foley hasn’t paid his dues and no more title shots for him.
Vince makes HHH vs. Foley tonight with the winner getting a spot in the Rumble. We see a clip of Foley beating up Shane, and Shane is announced as the guest referee. I knew that before it was said. There was a hardon for guest refs around this time so it was pretty clear that was coming.
Chyna and her friend Sammy are here.
Mark Henry vs. Goldust
Henry is sexual chocolate here and wants Chyna. How weird is it that these two are still employed? Goldie is still a bit insane here unlike now when there is nothing special about his character in the slightest. Goldust goes to the legs because that’s what you do against every big man you ever fight. Just as always, it doesn’t work.
Henry more or less dominates, hitting a big elbow drop. A press slam drop ends Goldie’s comeback and here are Chyna and Sammy on the stage. This allows Goldust to hit Shattered Dreams, which is of course a DQ.
Rating: D. This was just a waste of time and did nothing but set up the angle that’s about to happen. Goldust didn’t really mean much at all and Henry was in this whole thing with Chyna. You got a lot more pointless matches like these at this time, but it was a far more angle heavy period of time.
Sammy and Chyna get in and Chyna has something to say. The other night with him was incredible, but she’s not enough woman for him. She introduces him to her friend Sammy. Chyna makes the inevitable offer, and Henry faints. I’m not sure if this ends tonight, but the payoff for this is BAD. Apparently it doesn’t but Sammy is a transvestite. Gotta love Russo!
Jesse Ventura is governor of Minnesota. That’s still insane. His line at the inauguration: “We shocked the world.” Amen. Also for you REALLY old school fans, Terry, Tyrell and Jade are here, more commonly known as his wife, son and daughter. Just in case you never got those references.
Dennis Knight (soon to be Mideon) is in a dungeon, chained to the ceiling with various metal objects hanging around and laying on the floor. Sure why not?
Godfather vs. Test
Test is in the Corporation, which would change later. He had just debuted recently before this as a hired gun. Ho Train hits and Test is in trouble. Val Venis comes out as Test hits a big boot. Godfather and Test fight on the floor and the referee just throws it out for no apparent reason. Val runs down and brawls with Test. This whole thing took like 2 minutes.
DX is talking.
Mankind vs. HHH
Winner goes to the Rumble. Shane is guest referee. HHH works on the arm as Cole is REALLY annoying already. This is going to be short. Foley hits a baseball slide to put HHH down. HHH gets a sunset flip but Foley grabs the ropes. Shane kicks his arm and makes a fast count to end it. Like I said it was short, as in like 2 minutes.
HHH apologizes but says business is business and a win is a win. To avoid thoughts of a heel turn he gives Shane a Pedigree before saying to Foley that Shane is all his. Mankind says this is something my high school coach taught me. He more or less puts Shane in an abdominal stretch while sitting down. Foley says he’ll break Shane’s shoulder if Vince and the Stooges, who have just come out (ok not in Patterson’s case but 2/3 isn’t bad), come any closer. He wants a title shot TONIGHT and makes Shane screams. Vince agrees but Foley wants No Disqualifications. It’s on, and Rock comes out to yell at Vince.
Slam of the Week is X-Pac getting kicked in the head by Bossman.
We recap what just happened.
Edge vs. D’Lo Brown
Edge has only been around about 6 months at this point and still comes through the crowd. I LOVED this guy back in the day and did for a long time. Brown and Henry have been having issues with PMS, so expect a run in here. No bell here as we just get going. Big plancha to the floor by Edge which has no effect for some reason.
Liger Bomb to Edge doesn’t get a cover as D’Lo has to play to the crowd. Very nice top rope cross body from Edge gets two. Here’s PMS as has been a theme tonight. Terri is pregnant but won’t say who the father is. D’lo accidentally knocks her to the floor and she holds her stomach. This would result in Brown being their slave more or less. I hated this stable, as did most people. The match just ends.
Rating: C+. This was a fun match as Brown was always solid in the ring and Edge was AWESOME when he debuted. This was a great pairing and I’d love to see them go at it again. And then we have to do a lost baby angle which was one of Russo’s favorites. It turned out that Terri was never pregnant of course.
Kane comes out with Shane, Bearer and the Stooges. He’s in the Corporation as well but doesn’t seem happy about it. Kane has a sign on his back for the Brisco Brothers’ Body Shop. Shane says this is a handicap match against the Stooges. Wait what?
Gerald Brisco/Pat Patterson vs. Kane
Vince comes out again and says this is because the Stooges were partially responsible for Shane getting hurt last week. Patterson tries to bribe Kane with what he has in his pocket: a cigarette and a condom. Would anyone else like to just watch Patterson go about his daily life? Chokeslam for Brisco. Patterson gets a chair but Kane sees him. Shane is in the ring with a mic and egging Kane on which is funny stuff. Kane PUNTS the chair off the mat and over the top. That was rather impressive looking actually. Kane grabs Shane by the throat but Vince says Kane will go back, meaning to an insane asylum. Not even a match.
Dennis Knight is still in the dungeon. The Acolytes come in and say “he’s ready for you.” Knight is more scared by this. The he is Undertaker and Knight would become Mideon in a FREAKY ceremony the next week.
Hardcore Title: A lSnow vs. Road Dogg
Snow is the challenger and wearing a shirt covered in “blood” from a bloodbath from the Brood. Snow hides behind the curtain and we fight on the stage. The Hardcore Title was actually a coveted title at this point and not a joke. It’s very violent very early as Snow is dominating. He hits a moonsault off the barricade but Road Dogg moves, sending Snow through a table.
Big old cookie sheet (why are those under wrestling rings or in arenas ever?) gets two. They head up the ramp and off to the side towards the back. Dogg goes up a set of steps and does a flying leap to take Snow down with a double axehandle. We’re in a supply closet now or something and various stupid things are used as weapons.
They find a cart of potted plants to throw at each other. This is more intense than it sounds. Snow gets a steel pole and does some nice spinning and flipping (there’s a proper term for it but I can’t think of it. Think of a drill team) with it before driving it into Roadie. They go outside into the snow. Keep in mind this is Massachusetts in early January so it’s FREEZING.
Snow gets put in a wheelbarrow or something and shoved into a wall. The referee can’t stand up in the snow which is kind of funny. A piledriver on a wooden pallet pins Snow so Road Dogg retains (Cole of course says he won the title because Michael Cole is a idiotic nitwit).
Rating: B. Keep in mind this was a hardcore match and not a regular match when thinking about that grade. This was actually quite good and worked rather well. Road Dogg was cleaning up his real life a lot around this time and got off of drugs and stopped drinking for the most part and his in ring work went WAY up as a result. The push was kind of a reward for it and he would get the IC Title in two months. This was one of the better Hardcore Title matches I remember actually.
Dennis Knight is thrown through a door.
The Corporation jumps Shawn and beats the living heck out of him, throwing him into the window of a car. That’s all in theory that is as the cameraman was knocked down and we heard glass breaking. When we come back Shawn is bloody and in the windshield.
WWF Title: Mankind vs. The Rock
This is No DQ remember. This is the match that Tony Schiavone gave the ending away to on their show, shifting the ratings for the night because of it. DX comes out to back up Foley, because they couldn’t go to the hospital with Shawn or help defend him right? Rock of course has the Corporation with him.
Rock jumps him immediately and knocks him to the floor. He won’t let the Corporation beat them up because he wants to do it himself. How noble of our heel champion. Foley does his first sick bump of the match as he goes knee first into the steps and flies over them in a painful looking shot. These two always had mad chemistry together, which is something that could be said about most guys with Rock actually.
Rock does commentary during the match, which always cracked me up. He talks a bit too much though so Foley takes over. Foley does a promo of his own and we cut to a shot of Vince and Shane, but we hear a bell ring. Foley is down and Rock has the bell. Subtle. Rock Bottom through a table and Foley is in trouble. This has all taken less than three minutes so I’m not leaving much out at all.
To play up the spontaneous nature here Rock is in street clothes, as in the kind you would work out in. Corporate Elbow (debuted 5 minutes from my house) hits for two as this is ALL Rock. Foley with a spinning neckbreaker out of nowhere to get both guys down. Bossman throws the belt in and a shot to the head (sounded SICK) gets two as well. Double arm DDT onto the belt and Rock is in big trouble.
There’s Mr. Socko as the crowd has lost it. Mandible Claw goes on but Shamrock pops Foley with a chair. Billy Gunn takes him down and the brawl begins. Everything goes crazy and CUE GLASS SHATTER! Austin comes out and everyone loses it. He caves Rock’s head in with a chair and pulls Mick on top for the pin and the world title as the roof is blown off the arena.
Rating: A+. This was about a shocking moment and excitement and a feel good story and they NAILED it. This is very personal bias heavy, but they’re my reviews so who cares?
DX puts Foley on their shoulders as the Corporation carries Rock out. Cole gets in the famous line of “Mick Foley has achieved his dream and the dream of everyone else who has been told you can’t do it!” This is one of the best feel good moment in WWF history as Foley was considered one of the best to never be world champion as he worked as hard as anyone else but was never given a serious shot at it.
He got the shot tonight and he won the title. Road Dogg does the big announcement of Mankind being the new champion to a HUGE ovation. Foley dedicates the win to his kids and takes a lap around the ring with the belt to end the show. This is my favorite moment in wrestling history, bar none. Overall Rating: B-. I hate to use that grade as the show is far from average given the ending but the rest of the show is pretty bad. The last half hour is great stuff though which pushes the rating higher.
There was a very clear and predictable pattern for everything that wasn’t the main event and it got annoying after awhile. The ending more than makes up for it though as this was just perfect all around. Great moment and 100% worth seeing. If you even remotely like Foley I defy you to not smile a bit while you watch this.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Monday Night Raw – December 10, 2012: WWE Is Inching Closer To Being On A Roll
Monday Night Raw
Date: December 10, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for TLC and the main event has been changed to the six man tag instead of the regular TLC match due to Punk’s knee injury. Other than that we’ve got more Cena vs. Ziggler stuff tonight as the focus is going to be on getting ready for Sunday. Hopefully unlike last night’s TNA PPV, we can actually have something happen at TLC. Let’s get to it.
After the usual voiceover, here’s Ziggler on a ladder in the middle of the ring. He says tonight he’s here to talk about the numbers six and fifteen. It’s six days until TLC and fifteen days before Christmas. Cena has already cashed in one case and lost, but he still gets shot after shot after shot. Ziggler is going to cash in and become the best world champion ever.
Cue Sheamus who spends about two minutes talking and says he’ll win and Ziggler will lose on Sunday. Show comes out and says both of them are delusional and that he’ll beat either of them. Sheamus says he can’t attack Show before Sunday, but he can have contact with someone else. He shoves Ziggler off the ladder and out to the floor. Nice guy that Sheamus.
Vince is here.
R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett
Kofi and Cesaro are on commentary. Before the bell though, here’s a nearly dancing Vince. Vince hypes up the main event tonight and brings out Vickie to praise her for the main event she made. However, we need a second main event. Vince prods her into making Sheamus vs. Ziggler. That’s STILL not enough though because he wants a third main event. Vickie comes up with AJ in a handicap match but Vince changes it to AJ vs. Vickie. Yep, we have a blowoff match….I hope.
Barrett takes him to the floor to start as there are probably fifteen ladders spread around the arena. Kofi lists off his resume as Barrett stops Truth’s comeback. The pumphandle slam is countered into a rollup for the pin for Truth at 1:50. Yep, I totally buy Barrett as a threat to Kofi now.
Kofi hits a springboard cross body to Barrett post match.
AJ is REALLY excited about the match tonight and tells everyone about it. She goes to find Cena and goes into the locker room. Comedy ensues because she isn’t supposed to see some stuff.
Prime Time Players vs. Rhodes Scholars vs. Usos vs. Epico/Primo
Eliminations rules here and the winners get to face Mysterio and Cara in a tables match on Sunday. The winners of THAT get a title shot. I’ve heard stupider stipulations. Jey and Epico start but it’s quickly off to Jimmy who gets two off a double elbow. Primo comes in for an enziguri (that part clearly missed)/downward spiral combo which thankfully only gets two. Primo dropkicks Jey’s knee out and steps on him a bit but it’s quickly off to Jimmy for a superkick. Jey takes out Epico and the Superfly splash from Jimmy eliminates the cousins.
Titus takes Jey’s head off with a clothesline and we take a break. Apparently the Players got eliminated via a superkick and Superfly Slash to Darren while we were away. So it’s Rhodes Scholars vs. Usos for a shot at Mysterio/Cara. Gee I wonder where this is going. Sandow comes in and is immediately knocked down by Jimmy for two. Back to Jey for a modified Demolition Decapitator, but Sandow gets a boot up in the corner to break up the momentum.
Cody comes in sporting a mustache and we get a CODY’S MUSTACHE chant. Rhodes doesn’t do much and it’s quickly off to Sandow for the Wind-Up Elbow. Cody’s bulldog is countered and the tag brings Jimmy back in. I don’t think Cole knows which Uso is which. There’s the Samoan Drop to Cody followed by the running Umaga attack in the corner. The Usos load up the Superfly again but Cody gets his knees up. Cross Rhodes give the Scholars the match at TLC at 10:56.
Rating: C+. As is the trend on Raw tonight, they’re keeping things fast paced tonight. Nothing tonight has felt long and that’s making things a lot better. Cody’s mustache and the Usos were definite highlights, and I like this idea of getting rid of a team during the break. Seriously, we didn’t need to see the Players get put out and why extend a match even longer than they need to?
Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres
Non-title I believe. Apparently the Muppets are the social media ambassadors tonight. Jerry: “How does Miss Piggy type with those hooves?” Cole: “……that’s a really good question.” It’s your standard gymnastics stuff with Eve being sent to the floor. Claims a knee injury but Alicia doesn’t seem to care. A northern lights’ suplex and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker both get two for Fox, but Eve pulls her off the top and hits the spinning neckbreaker for the pin at 2:30.
Eve calls the ringside photographer into the ring to take pictures of her post match.
Punk and Heyman are here with the champ on crutches.
Here’s Punk on crutches. He says there’s nothing to the theories that he’s faking the injury because he doesn’t want to face Ryback on Sunday. We get a clip of the end of Raw on Monday where the injury apparently was exacerbated. The fans chant FEED ME MORE and Heyman says that’s ticking him off. He talks about how Punk is a legitimate champion who doesn’t have a stunt double like the Rock. Punk isn’t thinking about Ryback anymore, because Ryback isn’t in front of him anymore.
As for those people that think he should be stripped of the title, which must be Ryback fans for the most part, come and try to do it. No one has been able to take the title from him and he lists off all the names that he’s beaten in his reign that he’s beaten. At the Rumble, Rock will be another name on that list. Punk will be at the PPV on Sunday to watch the Shield, who he is NOT affiliated with, beat up HELL NO and Ryback.
We recap the announcement of Vickie vs. AJ, which is literally just the match being announced. Why bother showing this?
Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler
Sheamus takes over to start and goes after Ziggler’s leg, which apparently was injured in the ladder fall earlier. The fans get behind Ziggler I think and he rakes the eyes to slow Sheamus down. There’s a dropkick by Dolph but he gets backdropped to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock and sending Sheamus out to the floor. Back in and a neckbreaker gets two for Dolph but Sheamus sends him into the buckle. Sheamus starts his comeback but misses a charge, sending him shoulder first into the post.
Ziggler goes up but jumps into the fallaway slam followed by the forearms in the ropes. Sheamus goes up but gets crotched, allowing Dolph to hit a top rope X Factor for two. The Cloverleaf is escaped but there’s the Irish Curse for two. These near falls are getting really close. Ziggler rolls away from a Brogue Kick and gets a chair, whacking Sheamus for the DQ at 15:12.
Rating: C+. The ending was annoying but it was really the best idea at the end of the day. You don’t want to have one of your main event guys losing on Raw six days before the PPV. Ziggler looked aggressive here which is the right idea for him, but shouldn’t he be using a ladder instead of a chair here?
Shemus kicks the chair into Ziggler’s face post match.
Khali and Horny come in to help Vickie stretch when Vince walks in on a compromising position. Vince: “I thought this was supposed to be a family show.”
We get a video of the Shield’s attack on Kane on Smackdown. This is followed by I think the same holding the camera promo from the Shield from Friday.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder
Ryder gets a forearm in to start and hooks a very fast chinlock. The fans are way behind Ryder because of the location of the show and the fact that he’s facing one of the least interesting wrestlers in years. He sends Del Rio into the corner but gets kicked in the ribs for his efforts. The kick to the arm keeps Ryder down and we hit a chinlock.
Ryder comes back with a sunset flip but walks into a German suplex for two. After another chinlock, Ryder comes back with a backdrop over the buckle in the corner to send Del Rio outside. There are the double knees in the corner but the Broski Boot misses. Cross Armbreaker ends this at 6:30.
Rating: D+. Not much to see here but it’s good to see them bring out someone other than the usual guys we see all the time as jobbers. Anyway, Ryder continues to be nothing in WWE anymore but at least he was there for a bit right? Del Rio on the other hand continues to be the least interesting wrestler in YEARS.
AJ vs. Vickie Guerrero
Big reaction for AJ of course. Vickie yells a lot….and we have no referee. The referee is apparently going to be Brad Maddox. Vickie yells a lot more and jumps AJ as AJ is glaring at Maddox. Vickie beats on AJ some more until AJ goes into psycho mode. She kind of spears Vickie down and Vickie runs up the aisle. Back in and Vickie gets beaten on some more and slapped down, but Maddox won’t cover. Vickie rolls up AJ for the pin at 2:12. Yep, again, Vickie gets the last laugh. As always.
AJ goes nuts and turns over some ladders at ringside before slapping the ring announcer.
Post break AJ is still going nuts when Cena comes up to try to calm her down. He hugs AJ and the look on his face is a bit awkward.
Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro
Antonio does his schtick before the match starts. Cesaro takes over to start and muscles Kofi down into a headlock. Kofi fights up but gets his arm draped over the top rope as Cesaro keeps control. Kingston tries a springboard chop but gets punched in the ribs on the way down. All Antonio so far and the crowd isn’t that interested in what’s going on.
An elbow drop gets two on Kofi but he finally starts his comeback. Antonio rolls away from the Boom Drop so Kofi monkey flips him down instead. Cesaro gets a boot up in the corner and we take a break. Back with Kofi escaping a body vice and getting two off a sunset flip. The gutwrench suplex gets two for Cesaro as does a spinebuster. Back to the body vice for a bit but Kofi comes back for a bit.
The SOS is broken up though and a European Uppercut to the back of the head puts Kofi down for two. The SOS connects but Cesaro grabs the bottom rope. In an AWESOME move, Kofi goes up for the cross body but Cesaro pulls him out of the air and into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. The Neutralizer gets the pin at 13:46.
Rating: B-. Another good match between these two and while it’s likely the right move to have Kofi lose here to keep him even with Barrett tonight, it would have been better to have Wade come out to cause the loss given the attack earlier. Cesaro is being pushed STRONG lately as even Sheamus didn’t get a clean win over him. Hopefully they don’t screw him up as is usually the case with hot new guys.
The Rhodes Scholars are the guests on MizTV. Rhodes is reintroduced to the crowd after being gone for a few weeks. He makes fun of Miz for not meaning anything in years before Miz makes fun of Cody’s mustache. Gay jokes are made and Sandow suggests that Miz has lost touch with reality. Miz says that the Scholars are going to hit the mat harder than Pacquiao did in the sixth round. I believe it was the fifth but whatever. Sandow: “You’re not a very good host are you?”
Miz asks Cody how it felt when Sandow didn’t come visit him in the hospital. How does it feel when Sandow says Cody is the Jannetty to his Shawn Michaels? Cody is getting ticked off now. Miz goes on a mini-rant against Cody but Rhodes cuts him off. He says he’s heard all of this before and says that he’s not going to listen to this nonsense anymore and the interview is over. Miz renames the Scholars the Pink and the Stink. What in the world was the point of this segment?
AJ wants to join Cena at ringside tonight. He doesn’t think so because he’d be worried about her getting hurt. AJ finally says ok she’ll stay in the back.
John Cena vs. Big Show
Ziggler is on commentary of course. Show headbutts Cena down to start and then does it again. A splash in the corner puts Cena down in the corner but Show yells at the crowd instead of following up. Cena tries the tried and true method of jumping on Show’s back to choke him out. That only gets a one count so Cena tries the AA. Since it’s the first time, Cena collapses under the weight.
We take a break and come back with Cena countering a chokeslam into a DDT. Show comes back with a side slam for two as Ziggler says Cena is actually impressing him here. Cena fires away with some punches but Show spears him down for two. A BIG elbow drop gets the same for Show and we hit the bearhug. Cena fights out but the STF is easily shrugged off.
They head to the floor for a bit with Show sending Cena into the barricade. Show palms Cena’s head to pull him back up to the apron. That’s SCARY strength. The Vader Bomb actually hits for two and Show does his usual blank stare. An attempt at a second one misses so Cena hits the ProtoBomb and Shuffle but Show no sells them both. The chokeslam gets two so Cena hits the AA. And here’s the Shield for the DQ at 13:52.
Rating: C. It’s Cena vs. Show so you know what you’re going to get here. Also given the absence of the six guys in the TLC match on Sunday, you knew there were going to be shenanigans going on here. Not a terrible match or anything and the AA is always a cool thing to see on Big Show. This was what you would have expected.
The Shield destroys Cena until HELL NO runs in for the save. Show and Ziggler get involved so here’s Sheamus to take out Ziggler. Cena spears Show through a table the Shield set up but the numbers are still in the Shield’s favor. Cue Ryback who throws a ladder into the ring to take out all three Shield members. A HUGE brawl ends the show.
Overall Rating: C+. This show worked better because they kept the show moving at a much faster pace. Nothing here dragged on too long and the show was MUCH easier to get through as a result. They hyped up the major matches for Sunday other than the six man which didn’t get much time at all until the end of the show. Still though, fun show here and if they can keep up this pace (which I highly doubt), the show would be WAY easier to get through.
Results
R-Truth b. Wade Barrett – Rollup
Rhodes Scholars b. Prime Time Players, Primo/Epico and Usos – Cross Rhodes to Jimmy Uso
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Spinning Neckbreaker
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Ziggler used a chair
Alberto Del Rio b. Zack Ryder – Cross Armbreaker
Vickie Guerrero b. AJ – Rollup
Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston – Neutralizer
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Monday Night Raw – December 3, 2012: Now With Reduced Levels Of Suck
Monday Night Raw
Date: December 3, 2012
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It’s the final month of the year and we’ve got two more episodes before TLC. The main story tonight is that Vince is here apparently, which is probably a good idea. Other than that, we’ve got more with Ryback vs. The Shield, who I’m sure would NEVER interfere in the main event of a PPV or anything like that. Let’s get to it.
The usual recap opens the show, and tonight it’s Sheamus/Cena vs. Ziggler/Show.
HELL NO vs. Prime Time Players
The Shield is watching from the top of the arena so Kane calls them down. Titus and Kane get things going and O’Neal is quickly knocked to the floor. Cole talks about “Daniel Ambruce” saying something last week. Rollins and Reigns have gone somewhere else apparently. Kane and Bryan work on Darren’s arm as Reigns is now down in the arena. The Players double team Kane in the corner and Reigns moves down the steps. Ambrose is down in the arena as well. Rollins is nowhere in sight.
Bryan hits his running knee of the apron as the match is now all about looking at the Shield. We go to a break and come back with Titus clotheslining Kane down. Reigns and Ambrose are still in the crowd. Back to Bryan with a running dropkick in the corner for two. GOOD GRIEF stop showing the Shield guys. We get it already. Young comes in and is put in the NO Lock but everything breaks down. Ambrose and Reigns are at the barricade now as the match has more or less stopped, allowing Darren to roll up Bryan, who reverses it into a rollup on Young for the pin at 11:28.
Rating: D. I have no idea if the match was good or not, because they kept cutting away to show the Shield guys. I really hope this isn’t Nexus all over again because it’s really shaping up to be similar to it. The Players will likely get passed over again as it looks like Shield might get the tag titles soon. Nothing to see here, almost literally.
Post match the Shield runs in and crushes Kane’s arm under the steps. Bryan gets beaten down as well as Rollins runs in. The Superbomb leaves Bryan laying.
Sheamus and Cena are talking in the back and I think they’re talking about soccer. Apparently after Smackdown they went out for 15 pints or so. Sheamus says he’ll be focused tonight.
AJ vs. Tamina Snuka
Happy blowoff match people. AJ jumps on Tamina to start and then does it again. Tamina slams her off the top before putting her right back up there. An over the shoulder backbreaker…is released a few seconds after Tamina puts it on. Tamina keeps pounding away as this is going about as far as you would expect AJ vs. Tamina to go. The splash is loaded up but AJ rolls Tamina up for the pin at 3:24.
Rating: D-. What are you expecting here? The match was nothing of note and they didn’t do anything special. Was anybody expecting Tamina to add anything to this story at all? Nothing to see here at all and as usual, the Divas continue to be a complete waste of time. I’ll say this though: AJ can rock a pair of shorts.
Here are Punk and Heyman with something to say after a break. Post break Heyman complains about the new and updated WWE Encyclopedia because there isn’t enough in it about CM Punk. Heyman does however give credit to them for having a list of WWE Championship Reigns in it, and at midnight tonight Punk will tie Cena’s record and tomorrow night at midnight, CM Punk will be the longest reigning WWE Champion of the last 25 years, which is the modern era. Heyman says Punk should be front and center on WWE’s Mount Rushmore.
Punk says that he’s still unfairly persecuted, because he’s still the best in the world. That’s not just a catchphrase, because he’s the best of all time. Punk makes fun of some fans for not having jobs or marriages lasting as long as his title reign. He talks about how the fans credit either Maddox or the Shield for keeping the title on Punk. Punk says that he’s got nothing to do with either of them, but he’s the reason everyone is here tonight. He’s the hottest thing in WWE today and he tells us to change the channel if you don’t believe him. Or get up and leave his arena right now.
He’s interrupted by…….The Miz? The fans are getting into the REALLY chant now. He tells the fans to sit down and enjoy themselves, because no one buys what Punk is saying. Punk wants to know who Miz is, so Miz says he’s the one who took every shortcut he could as WWE Champion, but at least he admits it. Punk has been bailed out time after time by Maddox and Shield….so Punk insults Miz’s shoes.
Miz doesn’t want a fight, but wants Punk to come on MizTV to take a lie detector test. This leads to Miz calling Heyman a walrus, starting a chant. Punk DEMANDS an apology from the fans, so Miz keeps goading Punk into a test. He says Punk doesn’t want an asterisk by his name, so Punk goes for the idea. We spent over ten minutes to get there? Seriously?
John Cena/Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big Show
Sheamus vs. Ziggler to get things going. A shoulder puts Ziggler down, as does a slam and it’s off to Cena. We hit the chinlock but at least this one is short. Cena speeds things up and takes Ziggler down with an armdrag. Off to Big Show who shoves Cena away. Why exactly does this surprise Cena? Cena tries the shoulder and literally bounces off Big Show.
Show hits the big chop in the corner and falls on Cena in a slam attempt. Off to Ziggler for some fast elbow drops for two. Cena avoids a splash in the corner and it’s off to Sheamus vs. Big Show. A knee lift and a running double ax put Show down, but the Battering Ram is blocked by a spear out of the air.
We take a break and come back with Show still working over Sheamus. Ziggler hooks a chinlock with a bodyscissors but Sheamus fights back with the Irish Curse. Hot tag brings in Cena, house is cleaned like the boss is on his way home, and it’s White Noise to Show while Cena hits the AA on Ziggler for the pin at 11:52. Ziggler got up too early after the Protobomb and they had to rush to the finish.
Rating: C. Standard main event style tag match here and I’m always a fan of mixing the feuds up like this. Sheamus holding Show there for White Noise for that long is a really cool visual, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Also Cena pins Ziggler. Again. Not much to see here but it was fine I guess.
Cena and Sheamus celebrate way more than they should post match.
We recap the Punk/Miz stuff from earlier.
The MUPPETS will be at Tribute to the Troops. This results in Piggy hitting on Flo Rida.
Here’s Sandow looking for his apprentice again. As usual, Sandow owns this whole segment, berating the guy after he doesn’t know an English poet. It’s the little insults in this that make Sandow great. He’s totally into the character and the line of “ignorance is curable but stupidity is forever” is good stuff. I loved this. Naturally Santino comes out to make the segment stupid. He asks how many shells did she sell by the seashore, making Sandow go into a lecture about crustaceans. Thankfully Damien drops him with one shot. We get a match.
Damien Sandow vs. Santino Marella
This is joined in progress after a break with Santino doing his power walk thing. Apparently Santino won a power walking contest seventeen years ago. Cole gives a story about why that’s not true or something like that. Wind-Up Elbow gets two as does a small package from Sandow. Santino comes back with his usual sequence and Damien runs from the Cobra. Sandow catches him coming back in and steals the Cobra. Marella guillotines him on the top but misses the top rope headbutt. Terminus and we’re done at 2:40 shown. This was the same match Sandow had with Ryder last week.
TOUT questions to stump Damien with. Oh geez.
Vickie says she’s starting to lose faith with Ziggler, so Ziggler asks for another match with Cena at the PPV. Vickie isn’t sure but goes into her office to see Brad Maddox. There’s a camera on Maddox in the office. Post break, Maddox is asking for a contract and appeals to Vickie’s obsession with her legacy to get a job. He calls himself a Youtube sensation and is told if he wins his match tonight, he gets a contract. I’m thinking Orton for this one.
Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio
Haven’t we seen this match a few times recently? Cara grabs the arm to start before Alberto jumps him in the corner. A knee to the head of Cara gets two before Cara comes back with the usual armdrags. Del Rio sends him into the middle buckle and kicks him in the back. A snap suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. Cara escapes and speeds things up, sending Del Rio to the floor and hitting a rana off the apron.
We take a break (in Del Rio vs. Cara? Really?) and come back with Sin Cara still in control. Alberto is sent to the floor for a second and as Cara sends him back in, Del Rio shoves him off of a springboard attempt. That gets two for Alberto and it’s time for a chinlock. Cara’s mask goes up a bit and Del Rio gets two off a German suplex. Alberto misses a charge in the corner and Cara hits a solid tornado DDT to put both guys down. Headscissors puts Del Rio down, as does a kick to the head. Top rope cross body gets two, as does a standing Sliced Bread by Cara. The Swanton misses and the cross armbreaker gets the tap at 12:40.
Rating: C-. The match was pretty entertaining, but this is like the opening matches on an old WWF house show: long because we need to fill in the show. Del Rio has now beaten Cara three times in three weeks I believe with the armbreaker. Why did we need to see this match again? Cara doesn’t really get anything out of it and the results are the same. Why should I be interested?
Vince wants to talk to Vickie in the ring.
We recap the set up for the lie detector test again.
Here’s Vickie to suck up to Vince. She tells everyone to clap, because Vince doesn’t get a reaction you know. First up, Vince wants to hear what she’s got for the TLC PPV. The match is going to be Cena vs. Ziggler but Vince wants more. She suggests no DQ, but Vince wants more. He whispers something to her and it’ll be a ladder match….for the MITB case. Vickie thinks this isn’t fair to Dolph because he has nothing to gain.
Vince thinks the AJ scandal hasn’t been fair, so maybe Vickie should apologize by making the match official. The match is made, but Vickie stops to dismiss Vince. Oh you are an idiot. Vince understands there’s a lie detector test going on tonight. If Punk is proven to be a liar about Maddox and the Shield, there should be a penalty against him. After forever, Vickie gets to the idea of Ryback vs. Heyman next week if Punk is lying.
Brad Maddox vs. Randy Orton
If Maddox wins, he gets a contract. Maddox gets in one elbow before it’s a few signature moves and the RKO for the pin at 1:10.
Post match Shield runs in and destroys Orton.
Vickie yells about Shield when Dolph comes in to yell about the ladder match. He says Vickie is becoming just like AJ. Dolph leaves and Heyman comes in to glare at her without saying anything. She finally says that Punk better be telling the truth. Heyman leaves and Cena comes in to gloat, as well as make a joke about Ziggler being the first guy ever to forget the Five Moves of Doom. Vickie has found some Cena bowties in the Divas locker room, which suggests that she’s getting obsessed with Cena. Cena goes on a mini rant about Vickie is lying again, saying the ties aren’t even the right color.
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro
Teddy Long comes out and makes it a four way match for a title. What title would that be though? The audience gets to pick what title is on the line and the results are up after the break. Post break, it’s Cesaro’s title on the line in a landslide.
US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro
Truth and Barrett are both thrown to the floor quickly and Cesaro gets rolled up for two. Barrett decks Truth on the floor as Kofi sends Cesaro to the outside. The pumphandle slam gets two for Wade on Kofi, who immediately dives onto Cesaro on the floor. Truth comes back in t beat on Wade before gyrating a bit at him. Barrett to the floor, so it’s Kofi vs. Truth.
They know each other very well so no one can get an advantage, resulting in a stalemate off a double dropkick. The villains come back in and Kofi/Truth botch a spot where Truth was going to launch Kofi onto Cesaro. Kofi hits a suicide dive on Barrett but Truth misses a dive onto Cesaro. Cesaro throws Truth around a bit more as we take a break. Back with the two champions pounding on each other until Cesaro uses a half crab giant swing on Kofi.
Barrett makes the save and knocks Cesaro to the floor before hitting the Winds of Change on Kofi for two. Truth comes back in with the ax kick for two on Barrett, but Wade comes back and loads up a superplex. Truth knocks him down and Cesaro goes up top with Truth. Kofi runs up the corner and hits an armdrag to take Cesaro down. Wade tries the superplex again and we get a Tower of Doom with kofi on the bottom. Cesaro makes a VERY close save to break up the pin before getting two of his own off that fireman’s carry slam of his. That should be his finisher instead of the Neutralizer.
Truth clotheslines Cesaro and himself to the floor, leaving Wade and Kofi alone. Kofi elbows and dropkicks Barrett down as things speed up. Boom Drop hits but Cesaro breaks up Trouble in Paradise. Neutralizer is broken up by Truth and there’s the Bull Hammer to Truth. Kofi kicks Wade’s head off, but Cesaro pulls Kofi off Wade into the Neutralizer for the pin to retain at 12:23.
Rating: B. WAY better match than I was expecting here and a lot of that was because it was a title match. I had a reason to care who was getting those near falls because there was actually something on the line. It gets really dull when these matches have nothing up for grabs, so having something this simple was a nice addition. The only problem I have: why have Kofi get pinned here? Truth was RIGHT THERE but can’t take a loss?
We recap Maddox and the Shield saving Punk’s title twice now.
We also recap the Vickie/Vince stuff from earlier.
Time for MizTV to end the show. He’s got a lie detector test guy here from the sheriff’s department, but he says the wrong county. If Punk lies about the important stuff, Heyman has to face Ryback next week.After Miz explains a lie detector, we get on with the test. Miz asks about embarrassing moments in Punk’s career, like having Rey shave his head and about facing Orton when Miz was in the main event. There’s the walrus thing again. Punk thinks he can beat Ryback by himself, and that’s a big lie. The results are on the screen.
Oh apparently Punk COULD be lying. Miz asks about Maddox and the Shield…..but here’s the Shield to destroy Miz and clear the ring. They hit the Super Bomb and here’s HELL NO. The numbers catch up with the champs and Ambrose goes after Kane’s arm from earlier. Ryback comes out and throws Ambrose to the floor. Make that into the crowd as the beating is on.
HELL NO beats up the other guys and everyone goes into the crowd. Punk is left alone in the ring with Miz and kicks him to the floor. Punk and Heyman pose but Ryback comes back for the Shell Shock to Punk. Ryback gets a chair and a ladder to beat up the champion. Now it’s a table and a powerbomb through it for the champ to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. This was MUCH better than what they’ve been having lately. First of all, the lack of recaps helps A LOT. We didn’t have to waste a ton of time seeing the same stuff five times a show. Second, no stupid AJ/Vickie/Cena stuff. That stuff sucked the life out of shows because it never led anywhere. Now we didn’t have that and we got a major PPV match out of it. Throw in a fourway that actually meant something and Maddox getting massacred and you’ve got a better show. MUCH better than they’ve had in recent weeks, but three hours is still far too long.
Results
HELL NO b. Prime Time Players – Rollup to Young
AJ b. Tamina – Rollup
Sheamus/John Cena b. Big Show/Dolph Ziggler – AA to Ziggler
Damien Sandow b. Santino Marella – Terminus
Alberto Del Rio b. Sin Cara – Cross Armbreaker
Randy Orton b. Brad Maddox – RKO
Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston, Wade Barrett and R-Truth – Neutralizer to Kingston
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Monday Night Raw – November 26, 2012: It Could Have Been Worse, And That’s High Praise Anymore
Monday Night Raw
Date: November 26, 2012
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We’re getting closer to TLC now and the main story tonight is an interview with the three NXT guys. I’m curious to see where things are going with them as we haven’t gotten an explanation yet. On top of that we’re likely to get some more matches set for the PPV, including whatever Punk’s title match is going to be. Let’s get to it.
The voiceover gets us going with a recap of AJ/Cena/Vickie/Dolph. You know, because people aren’t going to remember it. Oh and there’s stuff about the NXT guys.
Ryback vs. Titus O’Neal
Titus pounds him down to start but walks into the Thesz Press and head smashes. O’Neal wants time out so Ryback runs him over. Darren Young tries to interfere, allowing Titus to hit the Clash of the Titus for one. Ryback shoves the Players together, hits a spinebuster, the Meat Hook and Shell Shock for the pin at 3:17.
Rating: D+. Total squash here as another pair of guys who are likely going to be champions soon lose because Ryback has to squash someone and there’s NO ONE but these guys he could do it to. The problem with booking like this is why am I supposed to buy the Players as a major threat now if they just got killed like that? Especially if they’re champions, because apparently one guy can beat them up.
Ryback says he’s not leaving until he gets Punk, the three guys, or all four.
Security comes out after a break and Ryback destroys one of them. Vickie comes out and says she has no choice but Ryback cuts her off. He wants Punk at TLC but Vickie says he has to leave. Ryback tells her to shut up because he’s not finished. He wants Punk at TLC in a TLC match or he’ll tear the ring apart. Vickie says ok but get out of the ring. Ryback goes after security but they all leave.
We recap Hornswoggle spraying water on Rosa last week. Earlier today Rosa yells at Horny but he wants to know who would want to kiss her and give her flowers. Alberto comes to her defense but Khali stops Alberto before any damage can be done.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Great Khali
This is joined in progress after a break with Khali chopping Del Rio’s chest. Rosa is watching in the back. Horny is at ringside as Khali chops away some more. Del Rio comes back with a shot to the arm and a superkick before hammering on the arm a bit. Alberto charges into an elbow in the corner and some clotheslines from Khali. There’s the big chop but Ricardo’s distraction stops the Vice. Horny bites Ricardo’s pants and there’s a kick and Codebreaker to the arm. Armbreaker gets the tap at 3:35.
Rating: D+. I’m glad Khali is back given how bad he was doing there for awhile and it’s good to see Del Rio down the card and fighting ANYONE not named Orton for awhile, but this was nothing much. Then again, what do you expect from a guy like Khali? Not much of a match but it did its job well enough I guess.
Punk and Heyman come in to yell at Vickie and accuse her of being biased. She gave him the shot because of the screwjobs Punk has been behind. He denies being behind them but Vickie puts Punk in a match with the winner of the Raw Poll: either Bryan or Kane.
We get a sitdown interview with the three NXT guys from earlier today. Ambrose cuts off cole and wants to know who is asking about them. Ambrose says they’re not working for Punk and Rollins says the question should be why are they doing this. Rollins talks about how everyone has to answer to everyone, but at the end of the day it’s a popularity contest that determines who gets everything in the WWE. He says they’re a shield against wrong.
Ambrose says it was wrong to have Punk face guys he already fought and if Ryback had been champion for a year and Punk tried to interfere, they would have stopped him too. Cole asks if Roman has anything to say. He says if he has something to say, he’ll say it. Ambrose says they’re not the Nexus or the NWO but rather the shield from injustice. Reigns stands up and says this interview is over. They all walk out to end things. Not bad but I’m not wild on the Shield name.
Fandango is coming and we see his face. Egads this is going to SUCK.
Alicia Fox vs. Tamina Snuka
Tamina says this match is a warning to AJ to not mess with Vickie again. Jerry goes onto some small rants about how Shield is crooked. Total squash by Tamina who wins with a Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash in 2:05. Next.
Here’s Cena to address the AJ/Vickie stuff. After probably the tenth recap of the kiss, Cena talks about how he’s had a ton of moments in his ten years here, but he’s never been interrogated more than having people ask if AJ is a good kisses. He’s about to talk about it when Vickie comes out to say I told you so. She pulls out a big box (not that kind of box. It’s a PG show) and has matching bathrobes for Cena and AJ. Vickie goes on a long rant about AJ and here she comes, looking SMOKING hot in a white top and jeans.
AJ says she’s had issues with men over the last year but she’s learning from them. Since she’s not GM anymore, she can date whoever she wants and can do whatever she wants. She goes to kiss John but Vickie freaks out. Vickie is called a dog, and here’s Ziggler to interrupt AGAIN. Dolph asks what’s going on with Cena and why Cena attacked him on Smackdown. Ziggler says he’s figured it out. Last week when AJ kissed Cena, she was thinking about Dolph the whole time. Cena is about to go after Ziggler but Vickie stops him. It’s Cena vs. Ziggler tonight.
Kofi Kingston vs. Tensai
Non-title, because why make it a title match? Tensai knocks him down into the corner so Kofi speeds things up….and has his head knocked off by a shoulder block. Tensai puts on perhaps the least interested looking armbar of all time before Kingston comes back and hits a chop off the top rope.
A clothesline puts Tensai down (ignore that he was clearly falling before Kofi touched him) and there’s the Boom Drop. Trouble in Paradise is blocked and Tensai catches the pendulum kick in the corner. An elbow gets two but a Vader Bomb misses. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise from the floor and wins with a top rope cross body at 3:30.
Rating: D. This was really sloppy and should have ended with the first Trouble in Paradise attempt. Tensai clearly just does not care at all anymore and why should he? He’s a pure jobber to the stars and not a very good one at that. This was a dull match that was there so Barrett can look at Kofi some more.
Barrett hands Kofi the title post match.
Bryan shows Kane a voting map which proves how much more popular he is than Kane. Unfortunately they don’t have polling data where Kane comes from so Kane can’t win. Kane offers to send Bryan there to find out but we get the poll results instead. Kane wins 59-41, in a surprising result. Bryan gets Rey Mysterio as a consolation prize.
Daniel Bryan vs. Rey Mysterio
Feeling out process to start with Rey sending Bryan to the floor, only for Daniel to slide back inside and hit a running knee to the face from the apron. Back in and Bryan cranks on the arm in a move that looks SICK. He has an armbar on but bends Rey’s arm back so far that he can stand on it for two. FREAKING OW MAN! Both guys get sent to the floor as the other one slides back in and we take a break.
Back with Rey getting crotched and Bryan firing away kicks to Rey in the Tree of Woe. Bryan puts on a surfboard for a bit before sending Rey into the post on the floor. That gets two so Bryan loads up a superplex. Rey fights out and hits the seated senton as things speed up. Rey escapes a sunset flip and kicks Bryan in the head for two. Bryan gets sent into the corner where Rey hits a 619 around the post and the top rope splash for the pin at 12:43.
Rating: C+. Not bad here and it was nice to see a clean pin. I have less of a problem with a tag team champion losing in a singles match, especially when it could set up a title match later on between the two teams. This show has been having bad match after bad match so far so this was a nice change of pace. Decent stuff here, as expected.
Alberto winks at Rosa and walks away with Ricardo. Who is he more interested in anyway?
We recap Raw from last week AGAIN. Dear freaking goodness WE GET IT.
Now we recap the end of Smackdown with Ziggler pinning Orton and getting taken out by Cena to end the show.
Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena
Feeling out process to start with neither guy being able to get an advantage, likely because they’re just feeling each other out. Ziggler takes Cena down and we take a break. Back with Cena on the floor, apparently after having been rammed into the steps. Ziggler throws him back into the ring and does situps while using Cena to hold his feet down. Cena pops up and starts his finishing sequence, but the Shuffle is broken up by a kick to the face. A jumping DDT gets two for Ziggler and it’s sleeper time.
Cena rams Ziggler into the corner to counter and puts on the STF but Ziggler does the crawl to the ropes to escape. Cena staggers around and walks into a BIG dropkick to put both guys down. Ziggler goes up top for a cross body but Cena rolls through into the AA. Dolph kind of botches the counter as he lands on his legs instead of his feet, but he comes back with the Zig Zag for two.
Cena hits the spinning slam and loads up the Shuffle again, but the knee gives out. John rolls to the floor and Ziggler unhooks a buckle pad. This draws out AJ to stop him but Vickie comes out as well and pulls her off the apron (doesn’t that mean she’s fired?). Dolph tries a shot with the case but but Cena ducks and hits the AA for the pin at 11:50.
Rating: B-. Another good match between these two, but it makes me wonder what we’re building to with this story now. It would have seemed to be for this match, so maybe it’s a mixed tag or something? I certainly hope not, because that would be more than a waste of time. The match here was good though, which is always a good thing.
AJ kisses Cena again post match.
Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro
Time for a match to be stretched to about fifteen minutes because we need a match to be stretched to about fifteen minutes. Sheamus pounds away on him in Sheamus-esque fashion before we head to the floor. Cesaro whips him into the steps and we take a break. Back with Cesaro getting two off a clothesline and the same off a gutwrench suplex. Irish Curse gets two for Sheamus but White Noise is countered.
Instead Sheamus gets two off a powerslam, but Antonio comes back with a kind of reverse Angle Slam, where he slammed Sheamus forward instead of backwards. I’ve never seen that before and it gets two. Sheamus kicks him away and pulls himself to the top. The shoulder jumps into the uppercut though, drawing a gasp from the crowd. The Neutralizer is broken up and the Brogue Kick sends Antonio to the floor for the countout at 12:52.
Rating: C+. This got good towards the end and I’m glad Cesaro didn’t get pinned, but it was really hard to believe that he ever had a legit chance at winning. Sheamus continues to look strong before the match at TLC, where he actually could get the title back. Either way, decent stuff here and thankfully they didn’t pin Cesaro.
Show comes out during the referee’s count but it means nothing. He has a chair and Sheamus says he’ll do it right now if Show wants. Show literally rips and breaks the chair apart.
Damien Sandow vs. Zack Ryder
Ryder’s trunks and pads have a Ghostbusters theme to them now. Sandow gets flipped down and he hides on the floor, only to come back with strikes to the face for two. Off to a chinlock by Damien followed by a knee drop. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s off to a crossface chickenwing. Ryder makes a comeback with a forearm in the corner but Sandow rolls to the floor before the Broski Boot can hit. Ryder goes up, only to get crotched and caught in the Terminus for the pin at 4:50.
Rating: D+. Picture a Sandow vs. Ryder match. This one is the most recent of them. That’s all I’ve got here.
Since we’ve got time to kill, here’s the Shield interview from earlier. As in the whole thing.
Kane vs. CM Punk
Kane slugs him into the corner to start and Punk bails as we take a very early break. Back with Punk working on Kane’s leg. Punk goes to the floor and might hurt his own knee in the process. There’s already a bandage over his knee so maybe there’s something to the knee injury. Anyway the suicide dive takes Kane out but Punk can’t follow up immediately. Back in and Punk hits a running knee in the corner followed by a second one. He loads up a third but Kane comes out with an uppercut to take Punk down.
Side slam gets two for Kane as Punk tries to get his knee to work again. Kane goes up top and hits the clothesline but Punk comes back with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Heyman plays cheerleader a bit but Punk springboards into a chokeslam. Heyman, ever the good manager, pulls Punk’s feet into the ropes so Kane can’t immediately cover. Kane loads up the Tombstone but Punk escapes and hits Kane in the knee. GTS gets the clean pin at 10:20.
Rating: C. Not bad here but I’m a fan of both guys. Kane is fine for a spot like this because he’s not going to be hurt badly by a single loss. Either way, decent stuff here and it gave Punk something to do tonight that didn’t have anything to do with Ryback. It’s nice to get a week off from the same stuff every week before a PPV for a change.
Post match here’s the Shield to stare at Punk and attack Kane. Bryan comes in for the save and the tag champs get beaten down. The fans finally get what they want as Ryback comes down. Punk dives into the crowd and Ryback runs into the ring to fight the whole Shield. He knocks them all down at once and powerbombs Rollins. Meathooks put down Reigns and Ambrose.
Punk tries to come in for the save but gets put in a powerbomb position as well. Reigns spears him down and the numbers catch up to Ryback. The Triple Powerbomb puts him down again. But Ryback is still incredibly strong right? These constant beatdowns by three minor league guys mean NOTHING right? This doesn’t hurt his push at all, right? Punk stands tall as Lawler claims conspiracy to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This show felt especially long tonight because of all the recaps but at least we had some good matches to balance things out. Also none of the matches felt overly long for the same of being overly long, which is definitely a step in the right direction. As usual with the show though, the third hour being there is what brings the show down. Well that and the incessant recaps of the Cena/AJ stuff. This could have been a lot worse though, which is high praise for Raw anymore.
Results
Ryback b. Titus O’Neal – Shell Shock
Alberto Del Rio b. Great Khali – Cross Armbreaker
Tamina Snuka b. Alicia Fox – Superfly Splash
Rey Mysterio b. Daniel Bryan – Top Rope Splash
John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment
Sheamus b. Antonio Cesaro via countout
Damien Sandow b. Zack Ryder – Terminus
CM Punk b. Kane – GTS
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
How I Would Fix Raw
Someone asked me this and I wrote it out in a comment, but I thought others that don’t read the comments might like this too.
Assuming I’m stuck with the three hours, the most important thing I’d do is cut out the freaking recaps. SO much time is wasted on the recaps and there’s no point in just talking about stuff we just saw. On top of that, drop the GM/boss stuff. There is zero need to have it on Raw or Smackdown and you can just say someone made the match and go from there. On top of that, mix things up. As in don’t use the same plot devices (champion loses to a challenger then has a rematch on PPV for the title, guy’s music comes on to distract someone and the opponent gets a rollup pin, evil GM etc) over and over again. There are unlimited story possibilities but they use like five. Also, perhaps most importantly, develop the characters more. Look at what happened with HELL NO: they were shown out of the arena and got to show what they’re like outside and the characters EXPLODED. Show Alberto blowing money or being cheap or something like that. Let them be creative.
To sum it up: mix things up a bit. That’s how you fix things. Let people have some creativity instead of doing the same stuff over and over again.
Oh and one more thing: better storytelling. Look at Orton vs. Del Rio. Orton has beaten him time and time again and the feud just keeps going with Del Rio ignoring every single loss and acting like it doesn’t happen. If he doesn’t care and nothing changes, why should I care as a fan?
Monday Night Raw – November 19, 2012: How Many Recaps Do We Really Need?
Monday Night Raw
Date: November 20, 2012
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Survivor Series was last night and to say I’m not thrilled by the prospects at the moment for the WWE is an understatement. Ryback lost the world title match because of an invading group of NXT guys, but other than that there’s not much to get excited about. Thankfully this is the time of year when the WWE actually starts trying so maybe they’ll do that again tonight. Let’s get to it.
They do that stupid voiceover thing again. That has to go soon. It’s a recap of last night but they don’t say what happened. Oh wait yes they do because this show is stupid.
Here’s Ryback to open the show….for a promo? Well that’s certainly different. He says he was about to feast on the WWE Championship last night, but Punk had three men take food out of a starving man’s mouth. Ryback is a predator and those four men are now his prey. He wants them out here right now, but if they don’t he’s going to tear this place apart. A feed me more chant starts and here’s Vickie. She says if Ryback attacks anyone in the back, it’s a fine or suspension. For now though, here’s a match for him.
Ryback vs. Tensai
Oh joy. They fight over a lockup to start followed by Ryback running over Tensai. Tensai headbutts him in the corner as we’re just waiting on the inevitable here. A Thesz Press of all things takes down Tensai and Ryback rams his head into the mat over and over again. A Baldo Bomb puts Ryback down and the backsplash gets no count at all. There was a cover but Ryback got up before one. A powerslam puts Tensai down as does a spinebuster before we head outside. Back in and it’s the Meat Hook and Shell Shock (BIG reaction when he got Tensai up) for the pin at 3:33.
Rating: D+. The ending looked good but there was nothing to this match because there’s nothing to Tensai. Why am I supposed to care about Ryback beating a guy who hasn’t won a match in months, especially when he’s beaten him so many times already? Just nothing of note here and a waste of time for the most part. Ryback isn’t going to get the title anytime soon, and that’s the problem for him right now.
Sheamus is yelling at the referee from last night.
Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett
Non-title here. Feeling out process to start with Kofi hitting a jumping back elbow (love that move) for two. King talks about Barrett’s nose as Kofi pounds Wade in the face. Wade comes back with shots to the ribs to take over as this hasn’t gone that far in the first few minutes. A neckbreaker gets two for Wade and we take a break. Back with Kofi in a chinlock and apparently Barrett attacked the eye earlier.
Barrett hits the boot to the face while Kofi is in the ropes to keep Kingston in even more trouble. Kofi’s head goes into the steps before a kick to the head gets two back inside. Wade rips away at Kofi’s face some more but the champ comes back with a rollup for two and a kick to the face.
Barrett rolls to the floor but as he comes back in, Kofi pounds away on him. This is the Wildcat or whatever Kofi calls himself now. The Boom Drop hits but Barrett blocks the kick and hits Winds of Change for two. Kofi kicks him in the face and hits the cross body off the top for another two. SOS gets two more but a rake to the eyes sets up the Bull Hammer to give Wade the pin at 11:30.
Rating: B-. Solid match here, but man alive is there NO other way to set up a title feud than having the challenger pin the champion? Just say they’re having a title match at the PPV. Seriously just do it that way. Stop having to walk us through everything and just do the match. Let them TALK to each other and have some interaction and then do the freaking match. I assure you it’s not that hard.
We talk about the invading NXT guys along with Brad Maddox, the latter of whom we get a video on.
Punk and Heyman are setting up for the WWE Championship Celebration later. Punk yells at Striker for bringing up Ryback’s name. Heyman says Ryback is invited to the celebration. Punk: “Can I talk to you for a second?”
Kaitlyn vs. Aksana
Aksana tries to hide on the floor but suckers Kaitlyn in for a clothesline. She pounds on Kaitlyn a bit and cranks on the arm over the top rope as you see Del Rio do occasionally. Kaitlyn comes back with some hair throws and a weak gutbuster for the pin at 3:02.
Rating: D-. Why in the world is this supposed to interest me? If Kaitlyn is supposed to be the next big thing for the girls, they’re in more trouble than they thought. She’s just not that good and there’s really no other way to spin it. Aksana looks good in the outfits but she’s DEATH in the ring. Nothing to see here.
Brodus Clay vs. Antonio Cesaro
Truth is at ringside because this is STILL continuing again. Oh and this is non-title because titles aren’t meant to be defended. Brodus pounds on him in the corner followed by Cesaro pounding on Brodus in the corner. Cesaro takes Brodus down and hits a double stomp followed by a cravate. Brodus comes back with a headbutt to the chest and a splash in the corner but a Vader Bomb misses. A European Uppercut off the middle rope sets up the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:30. Clay lost in case you’re freaking stupid and complain about me not making stuff clear enough. Cesaro you, you dumb schmuck. Clear enough for you?
Video on Cena’s Make-A-Wish stuff. Apparently Cena is the only person to ever fulfill 300 wishes. That’s AMAZING when you think about it. To stretch it out we’ll say he’s been doing this ten years. That’s 30 a year or about one ever 12 days or so. Given his schedule, that’s amazing and it’s likely that it’s a lot tighter than that because he wasn’t a big deal until about 2005.
Vickie is talking to two people in the back. She has more evidence tonight. Oh freaking great.
Here are Vickie and those two people to waste more time and stop the wrestling we had going. Four matches in the first hour including one going over ten minutes isn’t bad at all, but we need THIS now right? She says that she wouldn’t lay a hand on a WWE Superstar but AJ had no reason to try to humiliate her. These people are witnesses apparently. The chick is a waitress at the restaurant where the business dinner took place. Apparently they wanted a private table and were whispering to each other a lot.
The other witness is a parking attendant who saw them in a car together for an hour. What did they do? No idea, but apparently someone came to tell him about what he saw in the car. Cue AJ who at least looks good. AJ says fire her or let it go already because this is stupid. PREACH IT SISTER! Vickie says she has a photo from the guy who claimed to have no idea what was going on.
Before she can show it, here’s Cena who says this is all nonsense. Cena says that Vickie is trying to give people something to talk about, so here’s how you do it. With that, he kisses AJ who seems to like it and kisses him as well as he goes back to talk to Vickie. Ziggler comes out and they brawl up the ramp. Well it’s better than nothing I guess. Cena might have hurt his knee on the way up but from what I can tell this is storyline only.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton
This is 2/3 falls because they need something to fill in the three hours. Why this feud is continuing is beyond me but my guess is because the writers aren’t capable of coming up with anything new. Orton takes over with a quick clothesline but Del Rio goes after the arm to take over. Randy snaps off that gorgeous dropkick of his as the fans want an RKO. Instead they get a snap suplex from Del Rio for two.
Lawler talks about Ricardo’s relatives: Jose and Jos-B. Say it out loud and the joke will make sense. Alberto goes after the arm but Orton shoves him away when he tries the armbreaker. Del Rio gets in another shot to the arm and wraps it around the post over and over again, drawing the DQ for the first fall. The crowd is just in love with Orton here.
We take a break and come back Alberto holding a top wristlock and kicking the arm even more. Off to an armbar which Orton suplexes out of and starts his comeback to a big reaction. This is one of the hottest crowds they’ve had in months. Del Rio counters the Elevated DDT and the cross armbreaker ties things up. Del Rio poses a lot instead of staying on Orton as things slow down a bit.
Orton insists he can keep going and gets to his feet to start the third fall. Del Rio plays some cat and mouse as Orton keeps backing away because of the arm. Orton gets that sweet spinning rollup out of the corner for two but Alberto hits him in the arm to stop him dead again. The running kick in the corner gets two but Orton snaps off his backbreaker to slow Alberto down. Rodriguez interferes and is ejected but the distraction lets Del Rio hit the Backstabber for two.
Del Rio coils up for the RKO like Orton but walks into the Elevated DDT. Orton goes for the RKO mat slap but hurts his arm again in a smart move. It makes sense that he would hurt his arm there, which shows thinking. I love that! The armbreaker goes on but Orton grasps his hands to block it into a rollup for two. Del Rio misses another kick and the RKO ends this at 12:44.
Rating: B-. This is one of those matches where it depends on how you look at it. From a psychology standpoint, it was great with Orton selling the arm VERY well and teasing that he could lose the match because of it. The crowd was way into things too which helped a lot. On the other hand though, what in the world does this prove? The feud should have ended with the falls count anywhere match but instead we get another match with the same ending. It was good, but it’s kind of annoying in the same sense.
We recap the AJ/Cena/Vickie stuff from earlier, because going 20 minutes without hearing about it is too long.
Cena gets his knee looked at and AJ is with him.
Great Khali vs. Primo/Epico
Before the bell here’s Horny to give Rosa some flowers. The cousins have to tag here but the camera is on Horny and Rosa for a good chunk of it. Oh wait the flowers spray Rosa with water. Punjabi Plunge ends Epico at 1:09. This was an angle with a match going on in the background.
Heyman continues his prep for the celebration before FREAKING because there aren’t any balloons.
The Miz vs. David Otunga
Otunga pounds him down with forearms to the back to start and sends Miz shoulder first into the post. A Russian legsweep gets one and Otunga uses some middle rope elbows for two. Off to a chinlock followed by a clothesline and a shoulder block for two for Otunga. Back to the chinlock and we get a mild boring chant. A rollup gets two for Miz as does a clothesline for Otunga. We hit chinlock number three in four minutes but Miz fights out and gets two off a sunset flip. There’s the corner clothesline and the ax handle to set up the Finale to Otunga for the pin at 6:07.
Rating: D+. This was a good idea for Miz to come back like he did, but at the same time it wasn’t much from a technical standpoint. When you have three chinlocks in four minutes, it’s pretty clear you have no idea how to get through a very basic match. Seriously grab an armbar or something. Nothing to see here but Miz getting a clean win is a good thing for him, even over someone like Otunga.
We recap Show vs. Sheamus and the controversial ending from last night.
Another recap shows us what happened so far tonight.
Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow
Sheamus has the chair with him and says that he’s not smiling after last night. He wants one more match with Show and here’s the champ. Show looks more sleepy than anything else but says that he has nothing left to prove over Sheamus. That’s rather true actually. They yell at each other for awhile and Show says he’s the champion still. Sandow finally cuts them off and we’re ready to go.
Sandow bails to the corner to start and demands that the referee do his job. A single punch puts Damien on the apron and things stay slow. Off to a headlock by Sheamus which also goes nowhere. Sheamus pounds on him in the corner and hits a suplex for two. The pale one works on the arm as the announcers recap the show because the recap before this match wasn’t enough I guess. Sheamus knocks him out to the floor and we take a break.
Back with Sandow sending Sheamus’ shoulder into the buckle. Sandow pounds away with the knees to the chest and drops some ax handles for two. We hit the chinlock as Cole and King have some really bad small talk. A Russian legsweep sets up the Wind-Up Elbow but Sheamus pops up and hits the Irish Curse to put Sandow down. Sheamus comes back with the forearms in the ropes, the top rope shoulder, White Noise and the Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:25. There was no comeback or anything from Sandow in between. Sheamus really did just hit all of those moves in order for the pin.
Rating: D. How in the world was that fifteen minutes long? This was a very uninteresting match and was yet another match that was just being stretched out for the sake of stretching out a match to fill in the three hours. This is another one of those matches that we’ve seen a few times and it’s gotten progressively worse each time, which is how WWE works today.
AJ comes in to see Tamina and Vickie and nothing happens.
Post break, AJ is storming somewhere with Layla telling her not to do it. AJ goes into the men’s locker room and up to Ziggler. Dolph yells at her and Cena beats Dolph up until Dolph goes after the bad knee.
Post break, we show the same segment from before the break.
Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio vs. HELL NO
Non-title, again. The Players are on commentary here. Apparently if the masked dudes win, they get a title shot. Cara and Kane start and Kane runs over a jumping Cara before bring in Bryan. The fans continue to be white hot by cheering for Bryan, even as he misses a middle rope knee drop. Off to Rey for the double kicks from the masked men, getting two on Daniel.
Bryan comes back with a kick to Rey but Kane tags himself in to continue one of the worst series in wrestling history. Kane sends him to the floor but gets caught by the seated senton off the apron. Cara dives on Bryan who is on the floor for no apparent reason as we take a break. Back with Kane cranking on Cara’s head but let’s look at the Players talking instead of the match.
Bryan puts the surfboard on Cara as Titus makes fun of Lawler having a heart attack, insisting that he’s not doing any CPR. We debate wash rags for a bit (don’t ask) as Bryan brings in Kane. Back to Bryan for a camel clutch as we talk about healthcare and Robitussin. A tornado DDT puts Bryan down and there’s the tag to Rey. Mysterio gets a kind of reverse DDT on Kane as everything breaks down. Rey dives into an uppercut from Kane for two but there’s the 619 and top rope splash but Kane catches him by the throat. Not that it matters as the Players run in for the DQ at 10:42.
Rating: C. Not bad here but the whole thing wound up meaning nothing. My guess is they’re setting up for a triple threat match at the PPV because we haven’t had one in a full month at that point. HELL NO needs to change things up a bit because they’re still having the same match they’ve had since the team formed, which really shouldn’t shock anyone because no one evolves in WWE, but try to do something new already.
Post match the Players get beaten down.
Heyman promises Punk that no one will interrupt the celebration.
Oh wait we need to show the AJ/Cena stuff AGAIN. As usual, this means showing it for I think the fourth time tonight.
Here’s Heyman in a decorated ring for Punk’s celebration. He wants to know why no one likes them, assuming it may be making fun of Lawler’s heart attack. I begin to love Paul Heyman as he explains how ridiculous fans are for wanting more adult storylines and then saying it’s too far when Heyman fakes a heart attack. Here’s Punk to the ring to talk about people who couldn’t last a year as champion. Names like Bret, Shawn, Undertaker and Rock are mentioned which is pretty good company to be ahead of.
We get a video on Punk and his year as champion which is pretty cool when you think about it. Given how much content there is today, a year is an INSANE amount of time to hold the title. The fans are cheering for Punk when the video ends. Punk talks about being champion until June 25, 2018, which is the 355th episode of Main Event (“On Ion Television”) when he’ll pass Sammartino’s seven year run.
Heyman talks about how great Bruno was and says he belongs in the WWE Hall of Fame, but says Bruno couldn’t beat Punk. Nor could Hogan or that other Paul Heyman guy, Steve Austin. At the Rumble we’re going to see that Rock couldn’t beat Punk either. This brings out Ryback but the three NXT guys attack him. Ryback fights them off and gets in the ring but the numbers catch up with him. The three guys get him to the floor and hit the triple powerbomb through the table like last night. Punk never touched Ryback and he gets in Ryback’s face to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This is your typical Raw anymore: it could have been good but the third hour wound up killing it. Not the final hour mind you, but having an extra sixth minutes throughout the show to fill. This results in a TON of recaps and matches being stretched out for the sake of stretching them out (see Sheamus vs. Sandow). That doesn’t make for a good show, but rather a LONG one. It feels like it never ends and that makes it almost a chore to sit through. This was better than most shows though.
Results
Ryback b. Tensai – Shell Shock
Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer
Kaitlyn b. Aksana – Gutbuster
Antonio Cesaro b. Brodus Clay – Neutralizer
Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio – RKO
Great Khali b. Primo/Epico – Punjabi Plunge to Epico
The Miz b. David Otunga – Skull Crushing Finale
Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – Brogue Kick
HELL NO vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio went to a no contest when the Prime Time Players interfered