People have been wanting this and now they got it. I didn’t expect they would actually go there but it’s definitely something interesting to see. I still think Rock wins the title on Sunday but they’ve definitely made it more interesting now.
As per this video on WWE.’s Youtube channel.
Any predictions/matches/stiputlations you want to see?
……I have no idea what I just witnessed but I couldn’t stop looking at it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 19, 1998
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 7,329
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Kevin Kelly, Jerry Lawler
We’re officially on the Road to Wrestlemania now as this is the night after the Rumble. Austin won of course and will face HBK, the winner of the casket match. Unfortunately the winner of the casket match shattered his back and can barely move let alone wrestle. Things would have to be booked properly to make sure this worked right, which was impressive in its own right.
That’s not the most important thing tonight though, as we have one of the most famous moments in wrestling history tonight as Mike Tyson is here. This would, for all intents and purposes, launch Austin vs. McMahon. Just saying that name brings a little smile to my face. They had had some run-ins before this but nothing that would compare to this one. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Kane vs. Taker. Going into the Rumble there was a belief that Kane might help his brother in the casket match. Kane did appear during the match but turned on his brother (yeah I’m stunned too) and threw him in the casket, locked it, and LIT IT ON FIRE. Footage would later reveal the casket was empty after it was clear Kane had thrown him in there. I’m not sure if that had aired yet though.
Theme song is still awesome. Austin signs all over the place.
Paul Bearer opens the show properly as he comes out to Taker’s old music. Mad heat on Bearer. He says he got us didn’t he. Bearer talks about how awesome he is for a good while and about how it was all a plan with him and Kane and how Kane never really left him. This is some pretty solid gloating indeed. How exactly does Bearer get his face to curve like that?
He says that Taker is gone and never to return. Naturally this brings about a gong and a big pop from the crowd. Druids bring out a casket and of course Kane is in it. JR calls him dastardly so you can tell he’s serious. Paul Bearer says he’s Paul Bearer and you’re not. Thanks for clearing that up fat boy.
Ad for the encore of the Rumble, complete with every single highlight of it.
We talk to DX in the back where HHH says that Owen might want to head south too because he can’t cut it here. Shawn talks about being guilt ridden over the whole incident with Taker last night. He’s going to bring Taker back tonight though.
Disciples of Apocalypse vs. Nation of Domination
The Nation is Farooq, Kama and D’Lo here against the regular three Disciples. One of the twins that we’ll call Skull starts with D’Lo. Never mind as that’s 8-Ball. Brown got a nice run in the Rumble and they were trying to push him as a decent midcard guy around this time which never really got off the ground even with the European Title.
Skull wasn’t in the Rumble as some people jumped him, thinking he was Austin. That was actually kind of creative. Chainz (Brian Lee to you SMW and ECW fans) takes over for a bit before Kama takes him down. Off to Farrooq now who would soon be thrown out of the Nation. By soon I mean a few weeks/months but close enough. The fans are all over D’Lo here so maybe that’s what they saw in him.
He takes down one of the twins with an elbow to give the Nation control again. Why did the Harris Brothers keep getting jobs? They weren’t interesting at all but they managed to keep getting signed. We sing Farrooq’s praises for a bit until Brown misses a moonsault so that Skull (I guess) can make the tag to Chainz. Everything breaks down and it’s a DQ. Rock and Henry run down and it’s a big beatdown. Shamrock comes out to get a piece of Rock and Ahmed Johnson comes out because he existed to fight the nation.
Rating: C-. Pretty boring match here but it was to set up the post match shenanigans. I’m assuming this would set up a big ten man tag somewhere but I don’t remember it off the top of my head. This wasn’t too bad and I’ve long since been a fan of tag matches to start shows so this was fine.
Vic Venom gives us an ad for Raw Magazine. He would eventually go to WCW and become an onscreen character by his real name: Vince Russo. And so it begins.
Tom Brandi vs. Marc Mero
PLEASE let this be their last fight as no one cared about this feud at all. I didn’t realize Chimmel did announcing this early. Ridiculous pop for Sable. Mero puts a robe on Sable that says Property of Marvelous Marc Mero. Brandi is big and Italian. That’s all there is to him really. He jumps Mero to start us off and gets a side slam for two. Big Sable chant starts up as Mero gets a DDT to take over.
He’s starving for attention apparently. Someone brings a bouquet of flowers for Sable and Mero isn’t pleased at all. He beats up the flowers instead of Brandi and sends Sable to the back to great heat. Brandi’s limited offense is in full swing here including a sitout Gordbuster for two.
Brandi speeds things up a bit and gets two off a reversal to a suplex. TKO is countered and Brandi is sent to the floor on the kickout. Sunset flip gets two and here’s Sable to distract the referee and the TKO (Fireman’s Carry into a Cutter) ends this. Mero beats him up with the flowers for fun post match.
Rating: C. This actually wasn’t that bad. It would have been a lot better if anyone actually cared about Brandi but I guess that’s splitting hairs. This wasn’t much of anything but it wasn’t boring which is rather surprising. Decent little match that hopefully ends this feud once and for all.
DX goes off to inspect the hearse which I might have mentioned earlier but I’m not sure that’s here and open the back door. Inside are….women. The pull the guys inside and Chyna shuts the door. And they were in a hearse why?
Shane arrives with Mike Tyson. Maybe that should be switched.
Quebecers vs. Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie
…the heck? What in the world are these doing here? Didn’t I suffer enough back in 94? They start on the floor of course and it’s all hardcore dudes in control so far. Jacques, looking about 90 pounds heavier than the last time I saw him, starts with Funk officially. Piledriver by Rougeau can’t keep Terry down for even one.
Off to Pierre who used to be a pirate I think but I might have my guys backwards. Cactus comes in to save Charlie/Terry and throws a Mandible Claw on the referee because he’s a little nuts. That’s good for a DQ but the beating continues post match. Terry, the freaking crazy man that he is, launches a Vader Bomb off the apron to take out everyone. Cactus clears the ring with a bat despite not really being in trouble. No rating as this was mainly brawling without much of any actual wrestling.
DX is still looking for the Deadman and asks some Mexican midgets. Shawn doesn’t want to bend down that far so Chyna picks him up instead.
Tyson is having fun talking to….Sgt. Slaughter?
NWA North American Title: Bradshaw vs. Jeff Jarrett
Bradshaw is a Blackjack here so he has more or less no chance here. Jarrett has Cornette and the Rock N Roll Express with him which is an odd combination indeed. Cornette gets on commentary because he’s awesome. Cornette rants about the WWF being worse than the NWA and goes about 20 seconds without taking a breath in one long sentence. Nothing impressive for Cornette but awesome for normal humans.
Jarrett controls to start but runs into the future New York Millionaire who launches him with a fallaway slam. Bradshaw went 40 minutes in the Rumble last night. The Express interferes to give Jarrett the advantage but he misses a charge. Gibson takes him down again but there’s what would become the Clothesline From JBL for no cover. BIG powerbomb takes Jarrett down again and has to fight the Express some more. Windham is at ringside and does nothing but accidentally hit Bradshaw to end it.
Rating: D+. This was a mess for the most part but had some entertaining value to it. Bradshaw was a guy that they wanted to push for a long time it seemed but it took six years for them to finally pull the trigger on him for some reason. The NWA angle is one of those that I’m still not sure what the point was but it would die off soon.
The NWA guys beat Bradshaw down post match and Windham turns on him, joining the NWA again. They had a decent little stable going there.
Ads for house shows.
Time for Hour #2 which is where the good stuff happened more often than not.
Shawn rants about not speaking Spanish and not being able to find Taker, and the lights go out. Great you’ve summoned Satan somehow.
Tyson is still walking around in the back.
There’s the gong going off and there go the lights again. Do they pay their electric bills or not? Someone is lowered from the ceiling but you can’t see anyone clearly at all. The lights come up….and it’s Shawn in Taker attire. He’s managing to dance here so I guess his back wasn’t completely destroyed until the next day. Chyna and HHH head to the ring with a grill as it’s time for a cookout.
Let the wiener jokes begin. Chyna has a salami which may or may not be a joke. HHH offers Owen (The Mr. Hanky of WWF, which was the tenth episode of South Park and the most recent at the time so that really was a new idea at the time) a title match next week despite having a bad knee. He also says why would you want to ride Space Mountain (throwing in a WOO here) because it’s old and broken down. I wonder if Flair ever called him out on that later.
Shawn says he’s still awesome and wanted to give Taker one more shot but he’s gone. He wants to know who’s next for the title shot and says the name Stone Cold, drawing the biggest pop of the night by far. He goes over Austin’s resume and points out that he has done all those things as well, although he leaves out being one of the three people to win a pair of Rumbles. Shawn says that the Heartbreak Kid lays down for absolutely nobody, which seemed like it was taking a lot of effort to say for some reason.
Tyson is talking to the LOD which is so awesome it’s beyond words. Sunny shows up to hit on him which gives Hawk a rush. Ok then.
Los Boricuas vs. Owen Hart/Taka Michinoku/Headbangers
Honky Tonk Man of all people is on commentary here. Has anyone ever explained why Los Boricuas aren’t Las Boricuas as they should be? Miguel (don’t worry about who is who. Only Savio ever meant anything) starts with Taka and actually beats up the champion a bit. Off to Mosh and Jesus now and there are a lot of leapfrogs. JR says Jerry and Honky are talking like cousins, wink wink nudge nudge.
The Puerto Rican gang beats on Mosh for awhile and Savio WOOs at the crowd which seems to be a theme for the night. Owen comes in to a BIG pop, which means nothing though and he should be fed to HHH of course, and the Sharpshooter ends one of the unimportant guys with relative ease.
Rating: C-. Just barely long enough to pass here but it wasn’t too bad. These matches aren’t very good but when you have three minutes and eight guys, how much can you get in there? The point was for Owen to look good and he ran through the four guys with ease at the end so it did its job and wasn’t terribly boring so I’ll let it pass.
Owen accepts HHH’s challenge for next week.
Tyson is talking to the Nation now.
Austin is still to come. If you couldn’t figure out the ending already you’re an idiot.
Rocky Maivia vs. Ahmed Johnson
They’re alternating between Rocky Maivia and The Rock at this point. Ahmed rushes the ring and Rocky takes him down almost immediately. Ahmed could have been awesome but he couldn’t stay healthy. Rock hits an elbow drop which is just a flashy move here and nothing special at all, not even having a name yet.
Crowd HATES Rocky here. Ahmed blocks a suplex and here he comes (To save the day! Save the day!). Big clothesline takes the Great One down and we hit the floor. Rocky into the steps but here’s Mark Henry to run interference. He grabs a chair as Rocky takes a spinebuster. It’s time for the Plunge but there’s the chair to Ahmed’s back and the Rock Bottom (no name either) ends it. Really short so no rating again.
Shamrock runs down to get a piece of the Rock but he bails.
We get a clip of last night with Shawn standing over the open casket and Taker grabbing his balls. Odd moment.
Tyson is chilling with DX.
Tag Titles: Godwinns vs. New Age Outlaws
The Outlaws are still fine tuning things here and wouldn’t join DX for over two more months. Road Dogg does the big long intro as he’s coming to the ring. They’re in overalls here to make fun of the hog farmers I guess. And the fight is on almost immediately with the big men taking over early. The Outlaws had a tendency to get destroyed for the vast majority of their matches before somehow escaping with the belts.
Billy gets his overalls ripped off to be left in blue tights. Ross is pimping the heck out of that replay. As I predicted the Outlaws are getting destroyed here. Phineas goes Japan by launching some kicks at Billy’s ribs. No Road Dogg in yet. We’re talking about Tyson more or less non stop here which is fine for once. This has been completely one sided.
Road Dogg has to break up a pin while Lawler talks about how everyone in his family is a boxer, except for his aunt who is a Doberman. Funny line. Billy tries to fight back which gets him nowhere. Wheelbarrow slam gets two by Henry. It all breaks down and Road Dogg gets a shot to Henry with a bucket for Billy to get the pin to retain. Road Dogg was never in the match. There was a brick in the bucket, as I guess the METAL BUCKET wasn’t enough to knock Henry out.
Rating: D. This was just bad. The Outlaws were awful in the ring at this point and the Godwinns were never good in the first place. This didn’t work in the slightest with there being one Outlaw in the match the entire time and the ending being pure Outlaws trash. Boring match overall and a weak main event. Granted that’s not the most important part of the show in the slightest.
And here it is. Vince brings out Mike Tyson for a major announcement. This was one of the major blows against WCW as this got WWF mainstream media coverage and in turn got fans watching. Tyson and the Attitude Era fit perfectly together and WCW was in trouble and knew it. Tyson lists off some of his favorites: Don Leo Jonathan (never wrestled for WWF) and Nikolai Volkoff (WTF???).
Vince starts to make the announcement that at Mania, in this very ring….CUE GLASS SHATTER! Security (read as Slaughter and referees) come out to stop him and the ring is completely full now. Austin says that he’s tired of Tyson shaking everyone’s hands and he won’t shake Tyson’s hands. This is an awesome moment if you can’t tell.
Austin says he wants a piece of Tyson. Get a room dude. It’s the famous scene of Austin saying that he’s the toughest son of a gun on the planet and that while he respects what Tyson has done in boxing, he’s in Austin’s world now. Austin says that if his words aren’t working he has some sign language for Tyson and flips him off. Tyson shoves Austin and it’s a big brawl.
The goons finally get Austin out of the ring and we get the famous shot of Vince shouting down to Austin that he ruined it, morphing into Mr. McMahon for the first time I believe. Austin flips Vince off and apparently hit one of Tyson’s guys. The crowd noise is ridiculously loud. After a quick break, Vince is seen begging Tyson to stay as we go off the air.
Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling is bad and the matches were pointless, but that’s the key word: pointless. This wasn’t about wrestling as it was clearly about making Austin look like a major deal. It was incredibly clear that Austin was getting the title at Mania. What wasn’t clear was how he was going to do it. Adding Tyson in was a perfect blend of mainstream and wrestling and its importance can’t be overshadowed. This was a fairly decent Raw for the most part but the ending was excellent. Good show overall.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
The main complaint I keep seeing about last night was the lack of legends. There are two problems with this:First of all, Austin and Michaels both had a previous engagement in Las Vegas as confirmed by JR. Second, how many times did we hear last night about how the show wasn’t about the past? They kept telling us that over and over http://onhealthy.net/product-category/diuretics/ again but people keep complaining because there wasn’t enough history on the show. Raw 1000 was the historical episode. Last night was juts saying “Hey, Raw has been around for a long time. That’s pretty cool.” It wasn’t meant to be a big blowout like the show in July was. Last night’s show was fine for what it was.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 14, 2013
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
It’s the 20th Anniversary celebration of Raw tonight and the main match announced so far is Eve likely dropping the Divas Title to Kaitlyn. Other than that we’ve likely got Rocky here tonight to hype up the Rumble some more, which is at least some good old fashioned PPV selling. We’re in the good season for WWE so hopefully things are on tonight. Let’s get to it.
A mash up of all the Raw openings (complete with original images) open things up. Cool stuff.
Here’s Vince in the ring to open things up. He talks about how Raw has been entertaining in 20 years and in that time, over 4 billion people have enjoyed Raw. Vince says that’s the case because he’s a certifiable genius and he thanks the fans. Apparently tonight it’s Ziggler vs. Cena in a cage and the Rock Concert 3. Vince thanks the fans again and is cut off by….Big Show?
Big Show says the show has to wait but gets in trouble for calling Vince by his first name. Vince congratulates Show for losing weight, but says that it’s just him losing the title. Vince wants to see the footage but Show wants to talk about it instead. The boss says the fans here in Houston (Cole: “Cheap pop.” Jerry: “Yep.”) want to see the footage so we get a clip of the ending with Del Rio winning the title.
Show accuses Booker T of trying to play to the Hispanic audience by helping Del Rio win the title. He mentions his iron clad contract and says it makes him better than everyone. Show wants Alberto stripped of the title which draws out the champion to what appears to be a legit pop. Ricardo has some towels with him for some reason and his cuffs aren’t buttoned. No car this week though and Del Rio has some green on his trunks and pads now. Ricardo’s towels are covering something that he’s carrying to the ring with him.
Del Rio talks about how Show didn’t like how the tables were turned on him and someone was fighting back against his bullying. Alberto says if Show has a problem, do something about it. He offers Show a rematch tonight but Show says no. He isn’t prepared tonight but Del Rio says that being a giant should make him prepared. Del Rio wants Show to show some cajones but Show says no again. Instead, Show wants it at the Rumble.
Del Rio calls him a fat jackass in Spanish but Show doesn’t like being insulted. Alberto gets the present, which is a bucket with a Mexican flag painted on it. There’s something we can’t see in it, so Show threatens to break Ricardo’s spine if he throws water on him. It’s red white and green confetti in the vein of the Harlem globetrotters. Show goes after Ricardo but Alberto takes him down with a rana (impressive) and the corner enziguri to send Show running. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Alberto is AWESOME right now.
We get a clip from Bob Barker on Raw.
Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett
Non-title because why would Orton care about a title? Feeling out process to start with Orton hitting a Thesz Press to send Wade to the floor. Orton belly to backs him onto the barricade which gets two back inside. There’s the Orton Circle Stomp and a clothesline sends Barrett to the floor as we take a break. Back with Barrett holding a chinlock until Orton elbows out of it.
Wade comes back with some hard forearms and the boot in the ropes for two. Back to the chinlock but Orton elbows out of it again. Orton fires off his finishing sequence (clotheslines, powerslam, backbreaker, Elevated DDT) but the RKO is countered with Randy’s shoulder going into the post. Wade loads up the Bull Hammer….and gets the 100% clean pin at 10:31. I didn’t see that coming at all.
Rating: C+. I’m genuinely surprised by that ending and not complaining about it at all. Orton is at the level where a loss isn’t going to hurt him and might even push his heel turn a bit further. One thing though: why not make this for the title? If Barrett is going to win, why not put the title on the line? It would just make Barrett look better as champion, so why not do it?
Eve is told that if she tries to get counted out or disqualified she’s stripped of the title. She tries to seduce Booker to get out of it and he cracks up. Eve slaps Teddy as a result.
It’s time for Bryan and Kane’s four month followup on anger management. They agree to lie to Shelby and say whatever he wants to hear. Shelby starts with a group hug and asks what they like about each other. Bryan likes that Kane is tall, can light things on fire by lowering his arms, and Kane’s dancing abilities. Kane likes that Bryan is agile, has a great beard, and isn’t afraid to admit that sometimes he wears women’s clothing. Shelby says everything is ok and they can go, but there’s one more thing.
He calls someone and says send them in and here are the Rhodes Scholars. They’re going to cause an anger trigger (with Sandow correcting the doctor of course) and HELL NO needs to not freak out. Cody winds up ripping on Shelby and ask what his credentials are. Damien says Shelby is a worse doctor than Dr. Phil. Shelby: “GET EM!!!” HELL NO beats up the Scholars and Kane gets in his usual great line of “Now THAT’S what I call a happy place!”
Kane vs. Damien Sandow
Kane pulls him in to start and fires off the uppercuts. Side slam gets two but Kane goes up for the clothesline and Sandow bails to the floor. Damien sends him into the apron to take over and hits the Wind-Up Elbow for two but jumps into the chokeslam for the pin at 1:58. Ok then.
Here’s Mick Foley as the first inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2013. This was announced on WWE.com over the weekend so this isn’t a huge shock. After the cheap pop here’s the Shield to interrupt. Foley wisely bails and here’s Ryback for the weekly 3-1 fight with the Shield. Orton and Sheamus run in as well and Ambrose gets a Shell Shock.
Without going to a break or anything else happening, here’s a REPLAY OF WHAT WE JUST WATCHED. Josh goes into the ring to talk to Ryback, who says that Shield has kept the title on Punk three times now. Ryback doesn’t care about conspiracy theories because he can’t rest until he needs to give the Shield back what they took from him. FEED HIM SHIELD.
We get a clip of some of the weird gimmicks we’ve seen over the years. I had hoped to forget some of these.
Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn
If Eve gets disqualified or counted out she loses the title. Kaitlyn sends her to the floor to start so the champ hides a bit. Kaitlyn is the hometown girl tonight so it’s pretty clear what’s going down here. Eve knocks her down and hits her running flip splash as we hear about Lamb Chop for no apparent reason. Off to a triangle choke from Eve but Kaitlyn makes a rope.
The reverse DDT gets two and Kaitlyn seemingly dives onto Eve’s knee. The spinning neckbreaker gets two for Kaitlyn so Eve pounds away a bit. Kaitlyn’s gutbuster hits but it sends Eve to the floor. The challenger follows her out and gets whipped into the barricade. Eve puts her over the barricade but Kaitlyn sneaks back in and spears Eve for the title at 5:35.
Rating: D+. This was better than any of their other matches but at the end of the day I have no reason to care about either of these girls anymore. Word on the street is that Eve is gone after this so I guess this is the passing of the torch. Am I supposed to care more now because Kaitlyn wins after not being able to win the title after like four tries? At least they finally did the freaking switch.
Brodus says Punk’s comments last week shouldn’t have been said and he’ll shut Punk up next.
Donald Trump bought Raw once.
Brodus Clay vs. CM Punk
Brodus sends Punk to the floor and pounds on him in the corner like a Funkasaurus would do but Punk gets his knees up in the corner. There’s the springboard clothesline and a neckbreaker to put Brodus down. Off to a cravate by Punk but Brodus suplexes Punk down. Some clotheslines put Punk down and there’s the running headbutt to the chest. Clay misses a splash in the corner though and Punk kicks him down. The top rope elbow sets up the Anaconda Vice for the tap out at 3:40.
Rating: C. Better match than I was expecting here as Clay got to show off a bit before losing as he was destined to do. Also he didn’t tap immediately which was a nice touch as it made him look a bit tougher. I like Brodus a lot so seeing him on Raw more is always a good thing for me. Good stuff here.
Punk talks about how Rock is going to be out here later and the people have the right to like either Rock or Punk better. However, they don’t have the right to have their own facts. Punk has the most important title in the world and has had it for over 400 days. Fact. Later tonight, Rock is going to come out here and “entertain” the people, but at the Rumble, Punk is going to beat him. Basic promo here.
We get a package on moments involving vehicles on Raw.
Foley is on the phone with his kids and says that he wasn’t scared out there. Rock shows up so Mick hangs up on his kids. Foley extends his hand but Rock says he doesn’t want a handshake. Rock hugs Foley instead. That’s more like it. Mick steals the FINALLY line a few times and tries to get Rock to bite on it which he finally does.
Vickie interrupts and says they’re loud. She yells at both of them and Rock says he has nothing to say to her. Foley: “Holy pec pop of love Rock I thought you were going to lay the verbal Smackdown on her.” Rock: “Trust me.” Foley: “You Rock Bottomed me last year.” Rock: “No one remembers that!” Rock says to pay attention to the Rock Concert later.
Sheamus vs. 3MB
This is an over the top rope challenge. JBL: “This isn’t fair.” Cole: “To Sheamus?” JBL: “No.” The band beats on Sheamus to start but he fights them off with ease. Sheamus hits a Regal Roll on McIntyre onto Mahal but can’t get Drew out. All three put him on the ropes but he easily fights them off. Mahal goes up like an idiot and gets knocked out. McIntyre gets backdropped out but Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick to send himself to the apron. He pulls Slater onto the top rope but the other members pull Sheamus to the floor, giving 3MB the win at 3:10. No rating for this due to obvious reasons.
Slater gets on Drew’s shoulders but Sheamus gets back in. He kicks Drew’s leg out and kicks Slater’s head off. Mahal gets one for good measure. Sore loser!
Cena says we should be talking about a huge list of people (including the Bashams and Braden Walker) instead of Big E. Langston. He gives a VERY fast history of his character and says tonight he’s beating Ziggler.
Here’s Miz who promises a HOF member on MizTV. He gives us a hint: WOO!
Back from a break and the guest is Flair. Wow that’s not really surprising at all. Miz asks Flair what his favorite moment on Raw is and that would be his retirement ceremony. Flair doesn’t want to talk about the past though, because he’d rather talk about Ryback taking down the Shield. Flair is wearing the Rolex Shawn gave him and they have a “really” off. Flair dances a bit and Miz says that was kind of awesome. More WOOing ensues and we get a video package on people with interesting ways of speaking, which is basically just a bunch of catchphrases, many of which are from the last three years or so.
After the video, Miz says that there’s one missing. Miz tries to give Flair hints about who it is and Flair can’t say it because this show is PG. “I got four ex-wives son I need a job right now.” Flair goes into his limousine riding bit until Cesaro comes out with an American flag. Cesaro says these two embody America like no one else: a failed reality TV star more focused on fame than greatness and a sixteen time world champion who made ten million dollars but spent twenty. Flair: “Thirty million brother.”
Cesaro holds up the Horsemen sign but says that’s only for Flair’s four ex-wives. Miz says he’ll pay Flair’s bar tab tonight and give Cesaro the receipt right now. Cesaro says he’ll walk away but Flair starts chopping him. Miz hits the Finale to leave the champion laying. Flair loads up the Figure Four but lets Miz do it instead.
Mike Tyson was on Raw in 1998. That was huge to put it mildly.
Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan
Cody pounds away a bit, JBL asks about caterpillars, Cole tells us facts that no one cares about, the NO Lock ends this in 75 seconds.
Eve quits WWE. That’s legit apparently.
AJ shows us some wedding videos, culminating in AJ saying yes to Vince’s GM offer to her. AJ says she lost everything because of Cena. Ziggler comes in to promise to take everything from Cena. He says he’ll steal the show tonight but I’m not buying this for the most part.
Here’s JR to a nice ovation to call the cage match.
Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena
This is No DQ because that has to be mentioned in cage matches now apparently. There are the usual three ways to win this too. Ziggler tries to escape quickly but gets pulled down and hit with a release fisherman’s suplex for one. Off to a chinlock by Cena but Ziggler comes back with a dropkick to take over. A corner splash and a pair of neckbreakers result in no cover for Dolph. Ziggler tries a third neckbreaker but has to escape the AA instead.
A Downward Spiral into a Stunner gets two for Ziggler but Cena grabs a slingshot to send Dolph into the cage. Ziggler tries to climb but Cena rams him into the cage to take over as we go to a break. Back with both guys on top of the cage but Cena falling down to the ropes. Ziggler dropkicks Cena back into the ring for two to take over. Apparently during the break Cena was out but Langston blocked his feet from hitting the ground in an impressive power display.
Cena comes back and fires away on Ziggler before trying the AA. Ziggler grabs the cage and nearly loses his trunks but escapes anyway. A fast superkick puts Cena down for two but Ziggler can’t get out of the door. Langston and Cena get in a tug of war with Ziggler but Cena pulls him back inside for the STF. Ziggler counters the hold into the sleeper in an impressive move. Cena manages to climb to the top rope while still in the hold and falls down onto his back, breaking the hold in the process.
John goes for the door but Langston slams the door on his head, giving Ziggler a two count. Ziggler goes for the door but Cena climbs over the top. Cena slams the door on Dolph’s head but Big E. is waiting on Cena with a chair. John gets back in and gets caught in a Zig Zag for two. Ziggler goes to the top of the cage but Cena easily pulls him down.
Ziggler runs the ropes to hit a running DDT off the second rope for two more. These near falls are awesome. AJ freaks out and breaks the announce table before climbing the cage. The distraction lets Langston come in with the briefcase but Dolph clocks him with it by mistake. A very fast AA gives Cena the pin at 16:35.
Rating: B. Good match here but Cena beating Ziggler is old news at this point. To be fair though, this is a huge show and you should have Cena win on something this big. The guy is the most popular star in the company (well, regular star in the company), so having him featured and winning at a show this important is fine.
Here’s Rock to close the show. He shows us a picture of himself on his first appearance on the show. “What was I thinking??? The Rock looks like an escaped mental patient about to audition for the Backstreet Boys.” The first song is set to the tune of Heartbreak Hotel and makes fun of Paul Heyman for being fat. A member of ZZ Top is in the audience tonight. Rock calls out to the ladies and says his favorite curve on a woman is her smile. He invites Vickie out and here she is, very timid to say the least.
Rock’s next song is a rendition of You Look Wonderful Tonight, but with the word horrible swapped for wonderful. “You look like a hooker, but not the expensive kind.” After Vickie leaves, Rock gets down to business by calling out Punk. With Heyman and Punk on the stage, Rock says it’s a fact that Punk has been unstoppable for 421 days. Last week Punk said Rock would be boxing with God at the Rumble. Rock says Punk isn’t God, but as God as his witness, he’s taking the title at the Rumble. Punk charges the ring and the fight is on! They’re pulled apart to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. This was a hard one to rate. The show certainly was good, but I’m not sure if it was more good or less non bad if that makes sense. The show felt like a big episode of Raw with some history thrown in, which is ok but it didn’t come off as a big blowaway show. At the end of the day, having every show be three hours long takes away from specials feeling special, which is a problem they’re going to have to deal with. It’s definitely a good show, but it falls way short of being great.
Results
Wade Barrett b. Randy Orton – Bull Hammer
Kane b. Damien Sandow – Chokeslam
Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres – Spear
CM Punk b. Brodus Clay – Anaconda Vice
3MB b. Sheamus – Slater eliminated Sheamus
Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – NO Lock
John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 13, 2003
Location: Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for the Rumble and things aren’t looking up at all. We’ve got Steiner vs. HHH for the title on Sunday, along with a bunch of Raw guys in the Rumble who shouldn’t even bother showing up. As for tonight, expect more from HHH and Steiner without them actually having physical contact because it might keep people from wanting to buy the show. Let’s get to it.
I’ve already done the following week’s Raw and the review is available at the end if you’re interested.
We open with Morely and Bischoff worrying about Vince being here. Some referees come up and complain about being mistreated. The word strike is being mentioned. Oh this story. I was hoping to forget it but it rears its head again. Morely leaves with them to smooth things over when Steiner comes up, saying he wants to fight HHH tonight. Instead, Bischoff makes it a bench press contest. Steiner yells, sounding exactly like his brother. Bischoff wants a controversy free show. Uh….doesn’t that make the show boring?
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jacqueline
Victoria is defending and this is hardcore for no apparent reason. I always forget how great Victoria looked back in this era. She has Steven Richards with him here still which I’m sure will play into the ending. There are trashcans full of weapons in each corner. Victoria finds a cardboard standup of Trish which she tears up to get heat. Trish is quickly taken down and Jackie botches a headscissors on the champ.
Trish beats up Victoria and Steven with a kendo stick but gets slammed onto a trashcan lid. The champ misses a moonsault and Jackie gets the most silent near falls you will ever hear. Steven trips both challengers and misses a trashcan lid shot to Trish but it’s close enough for Victoria to retain the title. This was one of the worst matches I can remember in YEARS with Jackie’s parts being eerily silent. It’s too short to rate but this would set some kind of record for worst rating in years.
Richards DDTs Trish post match and but Hurricane of all people makes the save.
The Dudleys come up to yell at Morely and Bischoff because of everything he’s put them through lately. Morely tries to play tough guy and gets beaten up, so Bischoff fires the Dudleys. Eric fires them so they threaten to go to Smackdown, which gets them rehired but suspended without pay. They would get the tag titles back on Sunday anyway, making this entire segment entirely pointless.
Maven/Test vs. D’Lo Brown/Christopher Nowitski
Test gets double teamed to start until Chris gets to pound on him a bit. Again Test gets double teamed but has a bit better success this time and brings in Maven who winds up getting caught in a spinebuster by Nowitski. Brown gets two off a flapjack and it’s back to Nowitski. Maven gets beaten down even more as this is going NOWHERE. Cold tag brings in Test and house is cleaned but Chris saves Brown from a pumphandle powerslam. The big boot misses Brown and sends Test to the floor before Maven walks into the Sky High. He isn’t legal though so Test comes in and kicks Brown’s head off for the pin.
Rating: F+. Stacy looked great in the dress and that’s the extent of anything positive about this match. Other than that, there was NOTHING going on here at all with four guys that no one cared about having a boring match. That basically sums up Raw in a single sentence: a bunch of boring matches that no one cares about.
Eric greets a limo but it has Mean Gene inside. He’s here to plug the Tenth Anniversary of Raw tomorrow night (that’s coming), and for no apparent reason this aired during a commercial. Gene takes a jab at Nitro and that’s it. Jericho comes up and wants to be #1 in the Rumble but gets shot down for no apparent reason. Yeah expect to hear the words “for no apparent reason” a lot in 2003.
Regal rips on Jerry Lawler’s book.
Jerry Lawler vs. William Regal
Before the match, Regal reads a passage from Jerry’s book. The bell rings and Regal has to be checked for a weapon. For some reason that takes three referees. They find brass knuckles and check Storm as well, finding ANOTHER pair of knuckles. Storm gets ejected and Lawler pulls a chain out of his boot. He knocks Regal out cold and gets caught for a DQ. The punch was the only contact of the “match.” I’ve got FIFTY MORE WEEKS of this show.
Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Raven vs. Jeff Hardy
Raven has trunks and a BIG haircut now. Bird Boy gets a fast two as does Jeff in a feeling out process. I can barely recognize Raven like this. Jeff charges at Raven and they fall to the floor. Back in and Raven takes over by going after the leg which is a new thing for him. Jeff fights him off but misses a fast moonsault which gets two for Raven. Off to a spinning toe hold on Hardy but Jeff comes back with a mule kick. The jawbreaker slows Raven down and there’s a spinwheel kick. They botch….something, resulting in Jeff getting sent into the buckle in a slingshot. Hardy blocks the DDT and hits Raven’s legs with the Swanton for the pin.
Rating: D. Raven would be gone in a week which is a shame because Hardy looked horrible here. He was missing almost whatever he tried while Raven was trying to throw in some psychology to keep things coherent. Terrible match and Jeff would be cone in about three months due to burnout. Well that and not showing up to a lot of shows.
Vince arrives and talks to Orton for a few seconds. The shoulder is at 94%.
Sean O’Haire talks about cheating on your wife in the Devil’s Advocate gimmick. Sweet goodness that thing had potential, but what the people were wanting was Roddy Piper vs. Rikishi right?
Here’s Vince with an announcement but the Dudleys come out sans music. They respect Vince but think Eric is a piece of crap. Vince doesn’t like being interrupted….so he lifts their suspension and gives them a title shot at the Rumble. To recap, in an hour they’ve been fired, rehired, suspended, reinstated and given a title shot. Vince wants to see tables on Sunday.
He tries to make the announcement again but Jericho cuts him off. Jericho sucks up to Vince but Vince proposes that Jericho SHUT UP. Basically Jericho wants to be #1 in the Rumble but Eric won’t let him, so Vince says the winner of the over the top challenge tonight gets to pick whatever spot he wants in the Rumble except #1, which goes to Shawn. For some reason, that makes a difference to Jericho but he leaves anyway.
For the third time now Vince tries to make an announcement but Eric interrupts him. Vince yells at him and says that he wants to say something about the tenth anniversary show. Since Eric can’t control his roster though, maybe it’s time for a public job evaluation. Vince things Eric has been doing a good job but that’s not why he was hired. Eric was hired to shake up Raw but he hasn’t done that. Vince: “I hired you to grab Raw by the throat and choke it until it spit up a phlegm that got all over everybody.” Eric has thirty days to change Raw, which wound up being Austin returning. If not, Eric is fired.
Post break, Eric begs Vince for more time and says no one can do this job perfectly. Vince says someone can and Shane McMahon pops out of the limo.
Booker T vs. Lance Storm
Booker takes over to stat with a slam and a knee drop to the chest but Storm gets in a few shots in the corner to take over. Booker comes back with his spinning sunset flip out of the corner for one, only to have to escape the Sharpshooter attempt. A hook kick to Storm’s face gets two and it’s off to an armbar. Storm whips him into the corner for two and gets the same off a backbreaker. We hit the chinlock to kill some time before Booker makes his comeback with a bunch of chops. The side kick misses and the referee goes down without any contact. Not that it matters as the Dudleys run in for the DQ.
Rating: D+. That’s likely good for match of the night. The Dudleys getting a title shot doesn’t make a ton of sense, especially when Goldust and Booker got screwed out of the titles just a week before this. But then again, it worked three years ago so clearly it can work now too right? The match was another dull one.
Some Smackdown guys are at The World, which is the WWE version of WWF New York.
Steven Richards vs. Hurricane
Set up earlier, meaning Trish and Victoria are with the guys here. Steven’s suplex is countered and Hurricane takes him down with a clothesline. Hurricane hits the Blockbuster (minus most of the flip) and the Eye of the Hurricane for the pin in less than 90 seconds. The girls are fighting on the floor and Trish gets beaten down.
Post match Trish kicks Victoria down. What was the point of this again?
Nathan Jones is coming. He wouldn’t last long.
We run down the Rumble card.
It’s time for the Bench Press Challenge. Each guy gets three reps and the best max wins. Steiner comes out and brags about winning everything HHH has thrown at him. He says put 585lbs on to start and we take a break. Post break here’s the champion in a suit. Instead of going to the bench press area by the stage, he goes to the ring to talk.
HHH says that he’s been planing games with Steiner (DUH) and that Scott is just another guy who is coming to try to knock HHH off the top. Just like Rock, Austin, Hogan, Undertaker and everyone else, he’ll lose. Steiner says let’s fight and eventually strips HHH down to his underwear. The match was going to suck and everyone knew it.
Kane vs. Batista vs. Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam
This is a four man battle royal and the winner gets to pick their number on Sunday. The power guys pair off as do the other two with Van Dam going shoulder first into the post. Batista and Jericho team up on Kane but Van Dam makes the save. Kane kicks Batista in the face before having a staredown with Van Dam. Instead Kane chokeslams Jericho and goes Hi/Low on Batista with Van Dam.
Rob kicks Jericho’s face off but Batista goes off on everyone and spears Kane down. Jericho hits Kane low and Batista clotheslines the tall guy out. Chris tries to put Batista out and gets powerbombed for his efforts. Van Dam kicks Batista out but Batista breaks up the Five Star, allowing Jericho to get the win.
Rating: D. This was a lot of standing around for about six minutes and then thirty seconds of action at the end. Having a match to pick anything other than the 30th spot is pretty stupid as WHY WOULD YOU WANT ANYTHING BUT THIRTY??? Bad match with a stupid premise, which I’m sure you’ll hear a lot more of.
Jericho picks #2 like an idiot, only to have Shawn come out and throw Jericho over the top to end the show with a TON of pyro.
Overall Rating: D-. What in the name of all things good and holy have I gotten myself into? This was HORRIBLE, with absolutely no good matches and a stupid major segment that wound up being nothing but a HHH promo and a lame brawl. After the Rumble, things have to get better. Mania 19 was considered a classic so things have to get better leading up to that……right? Right? Someone please tell me that’s right so I don’t sob uncontrollably.
Here’s the Rumble if you’re interested:
http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/
Here’s the January 20th Raw if you’re interested:
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
As I said in the start of the 1997 series, there’s no need to wait to get this year over with. In short, this is probably the worst year for Raw ever, with Evolution dominating the show from February through the end of the year and making no one but themselves happy. Other than that….there’s nothing. Seriously, Evolution DOMINATES this year of Raw and it’s nothing I’m looking forward to doing. We’ll do looking at two shows each time here as usual. Let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 6, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
We’re less than two weeks away from the Rumble and I believe Scott Steiner has been announced as the challenger. If not then that’ll come tonight, but I’m pretty sure he’s called out HHH and the stupid contests have started. The theory was that the two of them were kept apart to build intrigue, but the reality likely was that WWE was scared of people seeing how bad Steiner was. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about HHH saying that he’s not afraid of Steiner. Last week the Game called Steiner out and we got an arm wrestling match. Steiner let HHH get an early advantage then smiled at him like an evil villain. Yeah for reasons that were never fathomed, WWE brought in Scott Steiner, one of the most insane heels ever, as a top face. 2003 was a stupid year.
I miss Across the Nation.
Tonight it’s a POSE DOWN! Geez didn’t they get that this sucked from Warrior and Rude?
The Dudleys come out for a match but here are Eric Bischoff and his Chief of Staff Morely (Val Venis). Eric promises changes for this year, including one in the attitude. We get a clip of JR/Lawler vs. Lance Storm/William Regal which saw JR get beaten down until the Dudleys made the save, hit a 3D on Regal, and give JR the pin. Eric says that he won’t be disrespected like that, so the Dudleys get to have a No DQ handicap match.
3 Minute Warning/Rico/Batista vs. Dudley Boys
Flair is with Batista too so it’s basically 5-2. Jamal gets backdropped to the floor as Batista hangs out on the floor. I wonder if D-Von and Batista’s past will be mentioned. There’s a fast 3D to Rico but the stupid Dudleys don’t cover him, allowing Batista to come in and clean house. Bubba gets sent to the floor and Chief Morely gets in some shots of his own. Everyone not named Batista beats on Bubba on the floor and there’s a spinebuster to D-Von.
Bischoff and Morely come into the ring and demand that the referee counts D-Von, but Batista pulls him up at two. Bubba gets back in but walks into a suplex from Rosey. Now Flair gets in and puts Bubba in the Figure Four as Jamal hits a top rope splash for good measure. D-Von takes a Samoan Drop and the Batista Bomb finally ends this.
Rating: D+. This was an angle which is fine, but it doesn’t really exactly make for an interesting segment. Batista was just midcard muscle with Flair as a manager at this point, but Evolution was coming soon. The Bischoff regime got old in a hurry and here he came off as just another corrupt boss. Not much here but it was a good beating.
Bischoff slaps D-Von post match.
Post break Storm and Regal come out and yell at JR and King. The evil foreigners go down and beat up the Dudleys a bit more. This is officially overkill now. Regal busts Bubba open with brass knuckles.
HHH is admiring his chest in a mirror when Flair comes in. He talks about the project coming along nicely and praises HHH’s body. Last week HHH had a bad arm from Armageddon but still competed anyway. HHH admires himself on the cover of Flex Magazine until Steiner comes in to talk trash.
Victoria/Molly Holly vs. Jacqueline/Trish Stratus
Victoria is Women’s Champion and has T.A.T.U.’s All the Things She Said as her music here still. Jackie and the champ start things off with Victoria getting kicked in the ribs a few times. Molly kicks Jackie in the back and comes in off the top with an ax handle. Jackie takes a Muta handspring elbow in the corner, followed by a pretty awesome looking Boston Crab/Camel Clutch combo from the villains.
Victoria misses a moonsault and there’s the hot tag to Trish. The Chick Kick gets two on the champ and Molly is sent to the floor. Stratusfaction is escaped so Trish tries a rollup, only to have Steven Richards come in and reverse it, letting Victoria grab a handful of tights for the pin on Trish.
Rating: C. This was one of the better Divas matches I can remember in a good while. It’s amazing what happens when you take talented people and Jackie and let them do their stuff. Trish and Victoria had a solid rivalry which was as intense as you would get for the girls. Decent stuff here but it was short.
Booker and Goldust talk about how they don’t want Bischoff in charge anymore. They’ll defend the titles later too.
Bischoff is mad.
Here’s Jericho with something to say about Shawn Michaels. Jericho wants to go back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year and he’s going to do just that. He knows he’s the best in the world and doesn’t need the title to prove it. However, Jericho wants the title back so he is officially in the Royal Rumble. This brings out Shawn who says that he isn’t here to get on Jericho’s nerves but rather to talk to Jericho about their similarities.
Jericho is just like Shawn in that he needs the title to prove that he’s the best to the people in the audience, the boys in the back, and himself. If Jericho wants to prove that he’s the best, he needs to start the Rumble at #1, go on to win the Rumble, and win the world title at Wrestlemania. THEN, Shawn will think he’s the best. We get some flat out lies about history, as Jericho says Shawn is the only man to start at #1 and “last the whole hour” to win the Rumble. That was the year of one minute intervals, meaning from bell to bell the match was less than 40 minutes long.
Jericho says that he won the title by beating guys Shawn could never beat, ignoring that Shawn wrestled the two guys a combined ONE time (he never fought Rock) and the time he faced Austin he had a broken back. Shawn says he’ll be #1 to show Jericho how it’s done. If Jericho wants to be the best, he has to go through Shawn to do it. Jericho wants to fight right now, but gets interrupted by BREAKING RNN NEWS!
This was Orton’s gimmick at the time as he had an injured shoulder and would cut into the broadcasts with updates about his injury, ranging from how well he could move it to updates on his chaffing from the sling. He’s actually in the arena tonight and says that his shoulder is at 93% mobility! Orton says he has a better comeback story than Shawn and he’s the new sexy boy as a result. A single punch takes Orton down and Jericho takes Shawn down. RVD comes in for the save but Orton pops up and Van Dam gets double teamed. Now Christian comes in but Kane is out to even the odds and clear the ring.
Raw Tag Titles: Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Goldust/Booker T
Goldie and Booker are defending. Booker and Storm start things off with the champion slamming him down and dropping a knee for no cover. Off to Goldie for a forearm off the top but Storm hits him in the face to bring in Regal. Goldust shoulders him down as Bischoff is watching in the back. Back to Booker for more punches in the corner until Storm makes the save.
We hit a chinlock as the match is already going nowhere. A running knee to the side of Booker’s head allows Storm to come in for a cravate. Booker finally fights out and kicks Lance down, allowing for the not hot tag to Goldust. House is cleaned and a powerslam gets two on Storm. Everything breaks down and Goldust takes both guys down. Storm gets caught in a modified Hart Attack but Regal takes the referee out.
The champs and referee are both out on the floor and we take a break. Back with Storm kicking a charging Booker in the face. During the break Chief Morely took over as guest referee. Storm accidentally superkicks said guest referee but there’s no one to count. The third referee runs in to count two on Storm after a Booker spinebuster. Off to Goldust for his hard slaps in the corner but the challengers bail to the floor.
Goldie charges after Storm and runs into a clothesline from Regal. This match continues to be dull stuff. Regal pounds away on Goldust a bit more until it’s off to Storm for another chinlock. This one doesn’t last long and it’s off to Booker for hopefully the last hot tag of the night. Mr. T. cleans house and there’s a Spinarooni followed by an ax kick for two on Storm. Morely pulls the third referee out of the ring and a brass knuckles shot from Regal knocks out Booker for the pin and the titles.
Rating: D. It was long, but MAN was this boring. At the end of the day it was pretty clear that the titles were going to change here due to the odds and Bischoff needing to dominate the entire show, which makes it even worse. As usual, a team loses in a joke last week and wins the titles the next week. Also, how overbooked was this match? Nothing to see here.
Post match the new champions suck up to Bischoff and Morely.
A famous Raw moment (for the ten year anniversary) is Sabel removing a sack she had to wear to reveal a bikini.
Test vs. Christopher Nowitski
Nowitski has D’Lo Brown with him because Brown is an intelligent black man. Seriously, that’s the explanation we got from him. Nowitski goes after the arm to start as Stacy (Test’s manager) plays cheerleader. Test sends him into the corner and starts his comeback, takes out Brown, and wins with the Test Drive (Cross Rhodes). I would say nothing here but Stack is rocking a blue dress.
Brown takes Test out post match.
Christian tells Jericho that he’s in the Rumble too. Jericho says that means Christian can help him win. This leads to an argument over who is better and who has better tattoos. Orton comes in and says chill because he’s in their corner for the tag match against RVD and Kane tonight. Orton stops to admire himself in a mirror after the Canadians leave.
Scott Steiner was on the cover of a muscle magazine two and a half years ago.
We recap the arm wrestling stuff from two weeks ago.
HHH oils himself up.
It’s time for the pose down because that’s what we need for the major segment of this show. HHH brags a lot and picks six “fans” from the front row to judge this. They have scorecards of either HHH or Steiner so it’s just winner and loser rather than scores. What do you want me to say for this? They pose, Steiner is better, they do another pose. All six judges vote for HHH so Steiner yells.
HHH wants a PUSH-UP CONTEST now, so Steiner gets on the mat and gets beaten up before he fights all six guys off. You wouldn’t think this took seventeen minutes would you? Well it didn’t. It took seventeen AND A HALF minutes. Seriously, that’s all I had to say about it. Oh and good to see Steiner beat up six fans. I can’t wait to sit through his arraignment, LIVE!
Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. Christian/Chris Jericho
Shawn and Orton are the seconds here. We come back from a break to start the brawl, which sees the good guys clearing out the ring. Van Dam gets launched over the top onto the Canadians until we officially start with Jericho vs. RVD. Christian comes in and takes Van Dam down with some choking before it’s back to Jericho. After a kick gets two we hit a bow and arrow hold on Rob.
Jericho pulls him down by the hair and it’s back to Christian. Rob gets sent to the floor where a melee breaks out, resulting in Shawn superkicking Orton. Jericho sends him into the steps in retaliation as we continue to fly through this match. RVD causes Jericho to go shoulder first into the post and kicks Christian down before making the hot tag.
Everything breaks down and Chris breaks up the chokeslam. Christian gets two off a reverse DDT but a Conchairto misses the masked one. Shawn pulls Jericho to the floor and they fight into the crowd. Rob hits a top rope kick to Christian’s face and there’s a chokeslam to set up the Five Star for the pin.
Rating: C-. It was exciting but it went way too fast. I guess this is supposed to be a Rumble preview match or something but it didn’t work at all due to how little time they had. Gee, I’m sure there was nothing else they could have cut to make more time. I know it was a letdown after the posing but they tried out there.
Bischoff says it’s Regal vs. Lawler next week but he gets a phone call. Apparently Vince is going to be here next week.
Overall Rating: D. Let’s see: no good matches, two storylines dominating the show, and seventeen and a half minutes spent so HHH could show off his physique. We’re in 2003 all right. This is only going to get worse over the next few weeks as Steiner vs. HHH would somehow get TWO PPV matches together. Hopefully things pick up with Vince back next week.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews
As I said earlier, Raw turned 20 today. I can’t let that go by with just a single sentence.This isn’t going to be a full on article or anything but rather just a few thoughts on the show. When Raw debuted, it marked the death nail for Saturday Night’s Main Event as there was no point to the show from then on. One of the things I think people don’t remember about Raw is that for the first two years or so, the show SUCKED. There were rarely big matches, only a handful of title changes, and it was easily the B show to Superstars for a long time. 1993-1995 weren’t good years for the WWF as they were trying to find a new identity with Hogan leaving (I don’t think he appeared on Raw until 2002 unless I’m forgetting something which I likely am), and Raw wasn’t the place where that would happen for a few years.
Obviously I don’t think anyone guessed it would become what it is today, but it’s still amazing to think how much things have changed since the show started in that hole called the Manhattan Center. Today you have Raw in arenas that hold 20,000 people, or about ten times what the Center could hold. It took them awhile to get out of those smaller places though. Raw didn’t get to MSG until September of 1997. Those old shows still have a charm to them though, as it was still something so new and revolutionary (being live even semi-weekly was a big deal back then), even though the shows mostly sucked.
Those of you that haven’t checked the earlier shows out, track a few down. They’re a far cry from what you see today and resemble ROH TV, but they’re still the foundation of what the WWF was back then, which makes them at least interesting to see. Raw has come a long way and has been anywhere from must see TV to “can we find a good test pattern instead of this garbage?”, but it’s always been on, which says a lot. It’s still worth seeing, just not at three hours every week.
Anyway, Happy Birthday Raw. I’ve never missed a single episode and I don’t plan to anytime soon.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage
Well since it’s the anniversary of this, why not do it? Raw more or less ended SNME which I’ll do that last original episode soon enough, as in about an hour from now. This is the show that completely revolutionized wrestling as it was the first show to be aired weekly on prime time cable. The production values were WAY up also as the lighting and the effects were stuff that was unheard of. We’re gearing up for the 93 Rumble which kind of sucked but whatever. Let’s get to it.
Sean Mooney who I didn’t think had a job at this point welcomes us to the show and keeps Heenan from coming in. This would become a running joke on the first few shows until Monsoon threw him out of the company. The arena looks small but cool. Rob Bartlett was a comedian from the Don Imus show and he is easily the worst announcer of all time but to be fair, I’ve read some comments from him since and he completely admits that he was awful, so at least he’s not delusional.
Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna
Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They swear on the air which might be a first. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.
Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it.
Ad for the Rumble.
We get a prerecorded interview from Heenan who talks about Perfect being scared of Narcissus, who was more commonly known as Luger. Heenan is WAY too excited about Luger.
Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners
The Executioners are masked jobbers as if it matters. That goofy clown as Vince calls him is at ringside and gets too much attention. Apparently his name is Doink. As for the match, are you really expecting anything other than total destruction? Apparently Mitch Ferhat, a former Buffalo Bill, is coming to the WWF. He never got there. The Steiner Bulldog ends it.
Rating: N/A. It was more or less the same thing as we got a match earlier, but with two guys instead of one. This is fine as it establishes two dominant forces for new fans which is a good idea.
A woman says that she’s Bartlett’s aunt. Naturally it’s Heenan in drag. This simply does not get old.
Razor Ramon comes out for a “special” interview. He’s fighting Bret for the title at the Rumble in case you didn’t know. It’s exactly what you would expect it to be as it’s just Ramon talking about Bret and how he’ll win the title and we see a clip of him beating up Owen on Superstars, which is why Owen isn’t here tonight.
Ad for Headlock on Hunger, which was a charity thing they were doing at the time to feed hungry people in Somalia.
Tatanka likes the Headlock on Hunger.
Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels
Max Moon may or may not have been Konnan. Shawn is just getting used to being a midcard deal so don’t expect much here. I don’t think it’s him here as it might be Paul Diamond, who was one of the Orient Express. We get more and more New York jokes from Bartlett that only a handful of people would get. He was great on a morning talk show but WAY off on a wrestling show.
They get the three un line here twice in one match as they try so hard to get that over as a tagline before they realized it sucked. Bartlett, in something that blows my mind, does an impression of Mike Tyson calling into the show from prison. This goes on over two minutes. Make that three. THEY’RE STILL DOING IT.
Seriously they did this for half of the match. Is this supposed to be funny or something? Am I supposed to be amused? After what felt like forever, Shawn hits the kick and that stupid suplex that he was using as his finisher at the time for the pin.
Rating: C+. It was an average match, but it had the DUMBEST commentary in recorded history. The match gets bonus points for being ok with those voices going though so there we are.
Ad for WWF Mania, a Saturday morning show.
Gene does the control center for the Rumble, which more or less is him talking about the major matches and we get promos from some of the guys in said matches, in this case Shawn and Marty. This is short but it was very effective at summarizing the entire show into a 3 minute video. Well done. We run down some people in the Rumble and get comments from Perfect. Ok now this needs to end as it’s about five minutes now. This was the first winner gets a title shot and it’s at 4pm. That’s just odd.
We have an Amish man trying to get inside. Guess who it is. He asks if anyone knows how to get onto the roof. I feel like I’m watching a Trix Cereal commercial. Also, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE COSTUMES???
Kamala exists and that’s about it.
Damien Demento vs. Undertaker
Who else would you get to main event the first show? Bartlett makes fun of Taker and I’m already tired of him. Demento is the guy that freaked out on youtube recently and freaked out about modern wrestling. He’s annoying and this is his career highlight. We go over the matches for next week and that’s about all that happens in this match. The Tombstone ends this quickly.
Rating: N/A. It’s like 3 minutes long and it’s more or less a squash. That’s not that interesting.
Doink sprays Crush with water to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This started off ok but it felt like there was no flow to it at all. It just wasn’t that good of a show as far as establishing people like it was supposed to do. This show definitely assumed that most people were long time fans of the show and that’s not a good idea to do on a brand new main show.
Still though, this is one of those shows everyone should see at least once as it truly did completely revolutionize wrestling. Definitely take a look at it if you never have before or just to compare it to modern wrestling and see how much things have changed.
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