Monday Night Raw – August 3, 1998 – Austin vs. Rock

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 3, 1998
Location: San Diego Sports Center, San Diego, California
Attendance: 9,703
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re that much closer to Summerslam now as I can actually see this year starting to wind down. The main event tonight is another tag title defense, this time against Owen/Rock which should be interesting. Other than that we have a very infamous scene involving a clothless Val Venis. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the Nation to open things up. Rock and Owen beat Mankind and Kane on the debut of Heat (it used to be a huge show) to get the shot. They’re here to chat now though. Rock says the Nation is awesome and wants his title shot now but here’s Sarge instead. Rock says go get the champs but Austin comes out on his own. Taker comes out as well but kane pops up on the stage. Austin goes in and gets beaten down but Taker goes after Kane. Mankind jumps him. There’s a referee here. Is this a match? Oh there are like five referees so this is just a brawl. Austin gets a chair and clears the ring.

Marc Mero vs. Golga

Now this is a strange choice. Sable comes out with Golga for some reason. She says she has a surprise for Jackie as well. Kurrgan and Silva come out in tuxedos and sing the Miss America song. It’s Luna to cancel out Jackie. Sable jumps in on commentary. Ramming Golga’s head into the buckle doesn’t work and neither does punching him. Mero avoids a charge and takes Golga down with a middle rope clothesline. Jackie trips Golga so Luna breaks flowers over her back. Silva chokeslams Mero and Golga wins with an Earthquake.

Rating: D. Bad match here but the Oddities would begin to get a moderate push. They would have the ICP do their intro at Summerslam which to be fair was pretty cool. Kurrgan dancing makes up for almost anything though and the Oddities theme was always kind of catchy so why not. This was always kind of a guilty pleasure for me.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Godfather vs. Scorpio

Severn has pulled out so Godfather is back in. Severn says he has nothing to prove so there’s no need for him to be in there. Godfather I think debuts the offering the women instead of fighting deal. Scorpio says let’s fight and someone needs to check on Lawler. Godfather wins on points.

The Outlaws says they’ll take out Kane and Mankind. Roadie gets in a good line: we’re not afraid of you. We’re afraid of what we’ll do to put you do.

Kane/Mankind vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws jump Mankind on the floor while Kane makes his entrance. Mankind and Billy start but it’s quickly off to Roadie. The shaky knee gets two. The monsters take over with Kane pounding on Road Dogg. Billy comes in to try a double suplex but the Outlaws get dropped. Out to the floor and Mankind cracks Road Dogg with the chair. Billy hits Mankind and is clotheslined down by Kane. The Outlaws get Kane alone and hit the double suplex but Mankind uses the Claw on Gunn. This allows Kane to tombstone Roadie for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was more of a brawl and like last week, I don’t think anyone gave the Outlaws a chance at all. That being said, last week was a much better match because it was more wrestling based, as well as having Undertaker sell some stuff. It’s not a horrible match but it was pretty much an annoyance to the monsters rather than a competitive match.

Hawk apologizes to the fans for last week.

Hawk vs. Jeff Jarrett

Hawk starts off with his power stuff and Jeff doesn’t really listen to Tennessee Lee. Hopefully that leads to Lee’s dismissal. A charge misses and Hawk’s shoulder hits the post. Jeff takes over and hits a Russian legsweep. Lee tries to get his belt buckle off for Jeff to use. The delay lets Hawk hit a neckbreaker for the pin. I don’t ever remember Hawk winning a singles match without it being against a team they were feuding against.

Southern Justice jumps the LOD post match and Droz comes out to cancel out Jarrett.

Here’s Vince with his goon squad. He talks about the paths of Austin and Undertaker intersecting at Summerslam. Tonight there’s going to be a roadblock though as they’ll lose the titles. Vince brings up the post main event attack last match, implying that Taker was in on it when Kane and Mankind jumped Austin.

Vince requests that Taker come out now to explain himself. Taker comes out to new music and Austin follows him before anything can be said. Austin says he threw Taker a beer because he looked thirsty. Austin has the Smoking Skull title now. I’m not sure if it made its debut here or not. I didn’t notice it last week. Austin throws the mic to Vince and leaves the tag belts behind.

Taker shouts at Austin to come back and says that’s what Vince wants Austin to do. He says Vince wants to drive a wedge between them, so come and take what belongs to Austin, meaning one of the title belts. Austin does so, ticking off Vince. He tries to leave again but Taker says that Austin is the safest guy in the company right now, at least until Summerslam.

Rock says he doesn’t care what’s going on with the tag champions because they’ll be winning the titles tonight.

HHH vs. X-Pac

Winner gets Rock, presumably at Summerslam, for the title. HHH is introduced as HHH rather than HHH Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Tilt-a-whirl gets two for HHH. HHH controls early with his power advantage, which is an interesting sight given that he’s still skinny here. Pac comes back with a spinwheel kick to take HHH down. The Game comes back with a jumping knee (different than his usual one) which gets two. Neckbreaker gets two. Facebuster by HHH but Pac hits a great looking spin kick for two. Pac loads up the Bronco Buster but Chyna trips him. That lets HHH win with the Pedigree. Interesting plot twist.

Rating: C+. Not bad and HHH seemed to be surprised by that ending. I don’t think they would fight or anything after this but it set up one of my favorite matches ever which launched both HHH and Rock about five levels up on the card. The explanation from Chyna should be interesting.

Pac gets in HHH’s face post match but they don’t fight.

Val Venis/Taka Michinoku vs. Kai En Tai

Teioh and Yamaguchi are with Kai En Tai here, along with Yamaguchi’s wife. Val starts with Togo and it’s time to bump and grind. Oh wait Teioh is on the team and not Funaki. Not that it matters as Taka turns heel, joining Kai En Tai and attacking Val. The match is thrown out.

Taka reveals that Yamaguchi’s wife is his sister, which makes her a disgrace to him. Val is out so they carry him to the back.

Post break they’re still carrying him.

European Title: D’Lo Brown vs. Dan Severn

Brown says he’s wrestling this under protest because most of San Diego isn’t from America. Brown controls to start and Henry comes out to second him. Blackman comes out as well. Severn starts slowly but hooks a few throws to take over. And here’s Shamrock to beat up Brown for the DQ. Another unrateable match.

Edge jumps D’Lo as he leaves and then leaves as well.

Kai En Tai beats on Venis some more.

Here’s Tiger Ali Singh, basically Ted DiBiase Sr. but Indian and minus the talent and charisma. He offers any woman $500 per piece of clothing they take off. His servant Babu gets to pick the woman, and of course she’s rather manly looking. She takes off her top and it’s disturbing. She goes to take her bra off and Singh says no. He’ll give her $500 for every piece of clothing she’ll put on.

We cut to the back and Val is taken into a room with the chopping block and Yamaguchi has a sword. Uh….POLICE???

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/The Rock vs. Steve Austin/Undertaker

The Nation tries to jump them to start and it’s a big brawl. Taker and Owen officially start and Owen goes down to Old School. Off to Austin who walks into a spinwheel kick. Rock comes in and you can feel the fans getting into it quickly. I wonder if they had any idea what they had here. Taker comes in and we go from some of the best chemistry ever to some of the worst. I never remember a very good Rock vs. Undertaker match.

Just like the Outlaws did last week, the challengers work over the knee of the Undertaker. Owen kicks his head off but Taker manages to bring Austin back in. Austin runs over Owen and even tries the Sharpshooter (BIG pop for that). Back to Rock and never mind as Owen comes in before anything happens. Owen tries a Sharpshooter but Austin kicks him off. Rock comes in and hits Austin low but the referee missed it. Austin and Rock slug it out and clothesline each other. Double tag brings in Taker and Owen and a chokeslam gets two. Austin pulls Rock to the floor and a tombstone retains the titles.

Rating: C. Not as good as last week but there’s no way you can screw up Rock vs. Austin. There’s a chemistry there that might be the greatest of all time. The match was more of a brawl than a match but there was a better level of a threat this week than last week. It’s pretty clear who will take the titles off Austin/Taker but it’s still fun to watch.

Post match the monsters attack again. Kane swings a chair but hits Foley by mistake. Taker gets the chair but hits Mankind with it (poor guy) when he had a clean opening at Kane. Austin puts Rock through a table and the Outlaws runs out.

We cut to the back where the door is broken down. Val is sans clothes and Yamaguchi has the sword. He pulls it back and the lights go out. We hear a thud and the show is over.

Overall Rating: C. Not their best show again here but it has a pretty memorable moment. Also we got Rock vs. HHH set up. I think that could use a gimmick added on. Other than that there isn’t much here, especially not in the way of in ring stuff. That’s par for the course for the Attitude Era though so it’s not a huge issue.

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Monday Night Raw – July 27, 1998 – You’ll Chop WHAT?

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 27, 1998
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 12,019
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Fully Loaded and we have new tag champions in Austin/Undertaker. We’re officially headed to Summerslam now which I believe is in four weeks. They’ll be defending tonight in the main event against the Outlaws. Other than that there isn’t much else to talk about. Let’s get to it.

We open with stills of Taker tombstoning Kane to win the titles and then leaving with both belts.

Here’s Taker to open the show with both belts. He talks about beating Kane last night and now he and Austin are the champions. They’ll be champions but they’ll never be partners until Austin apologizes. That brings out Undertaker who doesn’t believe what he just heard. Vince says that he believes there’s a conspiracy because he would have done the same thing Taker had done last night if he was trying to screw Austin. It took three tombstones to beat Kane at Wrestlemania but one last night.

Therefore, if anyone deserves an apology, it’s Vince. Vince is hurt after the chokeslam last week so Taker should apologize. Tonight the new champions defend against the Outlaws. Vince says he won’t leave until he gets an apology. Here’s Austin who tells Vince to leave because he’s got nothing to say to him. As for the apology, here’s a middle finger for Taker instead.

Vader vs. D’Lo Brown

Vader pounds him down to start and Brown looks for mercy in the ropes. Brown fights back with rights of his own and slams Vader like it’s nothing. He does it again and hits a moonsault for two. They go to the outside and Vader takes off the chest protector. A splash on the floor is enough for the countout.

Rating: C-. It says a lot when you get slammed by D’Lo. I mean….he’s D’Lo Brown. This went nowhere but I think the idea was to keep Vader strong so that when he’s jobbing for everyone else there’s still the tiniest bit of value to a win over him. The match itself was nothing though.

Here’s Droz’s World, which is a weird kind of reality show thing.

Brawl For All Quarter-Finals: Bart Gunn vs. Steve Williams

Bart knocks him out in the third round, thereby making WWF want to blow up the whole thing because Williams was the guy they wanted to push as well as making JR’s soul die a little bit.

Ad for Sunday Night Heat in a mockup of the 60 Minutes clock.

Williams is helped to the back while Owen Hart comes out. Owen says he proved himself last night and issues an open challenge. Cue Jason Sensation in his Owen attire. He wants them to stand nose to nose, which means they’ll be miles apart. Jason starts a nugget chant but when Owen comes after him, we get Owen’s real opponent.

Owen Hart vs. Dan Severn

Owen hits him low and we’re ready to go. Severn is in street clothes. Owen tries a quick Sharpshooter but Severn gets out. Shamrock runs in for the DQ after about 40 seconds.

Ken immediately starts choking Owen out and Severn has to put Ken in a Dragon Sleeper to break it up. Blackman comes down to break up the breaking up.

After a break, Shamrock doesn’t want to talk.

Farrooq/Scorpio vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

Bradshaw is on commentary and is very mad at Terry Funk. Scorpio and 8-Ball start us off but it’s off to Farrooq quickly. Skull comes in and does about as well as his brother. JR has no idea which is which. The bikers get Farrooq on the floor so Scorpio hits a huge dive onto both of them. Scorpio is in legal now and takes a tilt-a-whirl slam for two.

Lawler agrees with Bradshaw about Funk so Bradshaw grabs him by the throat and says call the match. Scorpio hits what we would call Trouble in Paradise to bring in Farrooq. He knocks one of DOA to the floor and Bradshaw goes off. He jumps Farrooq as well and it’s a DQ. Too short to rate but it was there for Bradshaw.

A brawl breaks out post match and Bradshaw leaves.

Rock isn’t worried about defending the title against HHH and X-Pac tonight.

Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. X-Pac vs. The Rock

It’s a triple threat, not a handicap match. That’s a new concept at this time so JR explaining it is more acceptable. It’s HHH’s birthday. DX double teams him to start and it’s dominance. Rock manages to clothesline X-Pac down but gets taken down immediately by the future Game. There’s the jumping knee to the face and it sounds like the fans are singing Happy Birthday.

Pedigree looks to pin Rock but Pac breaks it up because he wants to be the champion. I know it’s a cliched path for these matches to take but it makes perfect sense. HHH is sent to the apron and Rock whips X-Pac into him, sending HHH into the table. It’s basically a one on one now with Rock in control. Samoan Drop gets two. Rock hits the People’s Elbow and the place comes unglued. You can see it coming.

It only got two so there’s a Rock Bottom. Even JR wants to cheer Rock at this point but can’t quite do it. Everyone is back in now and HHH takes Rock down. X-Factor looks to pin Rock but HHH breaks it up. Rock rolls to the floor while DX implodes. He walks out and it’s a countout, so we have two winners but no title change. All hail Russo?

Rating: C-. This was back in the day when they didn’t have the idea perfected yet. Rock’s popularity is scary and I don’t think they knew what was coming when they finally turned him after Summerslam. Now they turned him right back at Survivor Series but I think it was more of a preview for his real face push in 1999.

The Outlaws say they’re not concerned about what just happened. They are however concerned about getting the tag titles back.

Brakkus vs. Jesus

Brakkus is a German musclehead and I think you can make your own jokes about his opponent. Spinebuster ends this quick. Brakkus would never be seen on Raw again.

Val is in the shower with Yamaguchi-San’s wife. She looks better with wet hair.

Val Venis vs. Brian Christopher

Before the match, Kai En Tai comes out…..with swords. Christopher jumps him to start and does that evil laugh of his. Kai En Tai has salamis now. Brian tries a piledriver but gets caught in an Alabama Slam. Scotty distracts val and Brian gets a DDT. Never mind as Val finishes with a fisherman’s suplex. This was another quick match.

Too Much double teams Val until Taka makes the save. Kai En Tai challenges Val to a match and then says after that “I choppy choppy your pee pee.” And yes, that’s what he means. He cuts one of the salamis with the sword.

Godfather/Mark Henry vs. Legion of Doom

Godfather is officially a pimp. Hawk is stumbling around and not in his shoulder pads. He falls getting into the ring and is drunk. Animal and Henry start things off. Off to Godfather and Animal works his arm. Animal reaches for a tag but Hawk is asleep. Henry drops a leg for two. Animal powerslams Godfather for the same result. Back to Henry who can’t even do a shoulder block right at this point. The Warriors try the Doomsday Device and Hawk falls off the top. Death Valley Driver pins Animal.

Rating: D. This was an angle that I was never comfortable with. It ended badly and naturally in Lexington because bad things happen in this town. Anyway, this was the start of the angle that more or less ended their careers and that’s probably the best thing for them as their age had taken a big toll on them.

It’s time for the trophy presentation for the bikini contest that Sable won last night. Lawler gets to present it of course. Mero and Jackie are here for this as well. Sable loses because body paint doesn’t count so Jackie wins, so says Vince. Sable says she knows she won and she isn’t surprised at this at all. She wishes Vince was man enough to tell her to her face. That brings out Vince who rips into Sable and calls himself a knight in shining armor. He can replace her but won’t as long as she doesn’t become ungrateful. Sable takes her t-shirt off and has on a bikini.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Steve Austin/Undertaker

Austin and Gunn start it and we’ve got a beach ball which Austin punts HARD. Billy tells Austin to kiss it, Austin flips him off. The first hard contact is a clothesline to take Gunn down but he bails to avoid the Stunner. Austin goes after him but Roadie gets in a shot. Off to Taker and Road Dogg the the Dead Man dominating. Old School takes the canine down.

He sets for the chokeslam but Billy chop blocks him. The Outlaws work on Taker’s knee with Road Dogg trying a stepover toe hold. Taker counters that into a leg bar in something modern Taker would use. He pounds Road Dogg in the corner but Roadie ducks a big boot and chop blocks the Dead Man down. After more work on the leg we get some heel (I guess?) miscommunication. Billy misses a splash and here’s Austin. He cleans house and pins Road Dogg with a Stunner in about 20 seconds.

Rating: C. This was a much better match than I was expecting. The Outlaws worked a decent heel match here as they went after the leg as they probably should have. Austin and Taker were never in any real danger so this was more of a formality than a match, and that’s ok.

Austin throws Taker a beer post match which he eventually drinks. Kane and Mankind run in to attack Austin and Taker helps his partner to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Not a bad show but it’s pretty clear that they’re just going through onto the next week until we get to Summerslam. The whole conspiracy went on forever and never really had a definitive ending. It would result in Vince going super evil though which was pretty interesting in the latter part of the year. Not a great show but not bad.

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Monday Night Raw – December 27, 1999 – Five Run-Ins, Two Chair Shots And A Ref Bump In A Six Minute Match

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 27, 1999
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another request that I don’t remember. This is the final show of the year 1999 and the main event is Big Show, who I think is WWF Champion at this point. Also there’s a Pink Slip on a Pole match between Mankind and Rock. I’m not sure if you would want to win that or not based on the name. This was during the McMahon-Helmsley Era so HHH is in charge on Raw. Let’s get to it.

Here’s DX to open the show, which includes HHH and Steph. HHH says they’re running the show and they want something right here and right now. This is when the big screens that usually say RAW have pictures of HHH and Stephanie. They talk about the near perfect plan and that the only thing missing is HHH being WWF Champion. Tonight it’s Show vs. HHH for the title.

Stephanie looks and sounds so much younger here. She’s 23 here so you know she looks good. X-Pac vs. Kane tonight. HHH yells about Foley trying to raise a revolution and that Foley needs to accept that they’re the power now. Cue Mankind….er Mick actually. Tonight there won’t be a union or mutiny. He talks about how he used to think DX was pretty cool. 364 days ago (a rare admission that Raw is taped) they carried him around after he won the world title.

Now he sees a lot of young children running around and trying to hide from their mom and dad. He asks Roadie how it felt to have Test drop an elbow on him. How did it feel when Kane choked Billy down. As for Pac, he’s being thrown to the wolves tonight. HHH only cares about winning the WWF Title. Mick is in the ring now. As soon as HHH wins the title, he’ll drop DX. DX jumps Foley and Rock makes the save.

HHH says he’s sick of this and that the WWF isn’t big enough for the two of them and DX. Stephanie whispers to him and HHH says the Rock N Sock Connection will never team up again. Tonight it’s the two of them in a pink slip on a pole match. One of them is gone after tonight.

Kane is waiting for Tori to get here. Last week the Outlaws threatened Tori, costing Kane the world title. DX kidnapped Tori.

Chyna vs. Crash Holly

The Kat is with Chyna during their implied lesbian S&M period. Crash has been talking trash about Chyna so Chyna wants to fight right here. This was probably a little after Chyna’s peak. Hardcore sits in on commentary. Crash jumped Chyna to start but gets punched in the ribs and DDTed for two. A sleeper drop ends this very quickly.

Tori gets back and says she loved Christmas. She says Pac was a gentleman and Kane isn’t happy. She could have left but stayed to honor his commitment. Kane is puzzled.

During the break Tori ran into Steve Lombardi. They chatted and nothing was wrong. Test came in and put his arm around her and she freaked and backed away.

For some reason, the Mean Street Posse are doing the ring announcing, time keeping and refereeing for this.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Dudley Boys vs. Acolytes vs. Edge/Christian

The Dudleys have only been around since late August so they’re new and on fire at this point. JR still has to say which is which. Joey Abs is guest referee and Pete Gas says that the Posse is good friends with the Acolytes. D-Von and Christian start things off. This is one fall to a finish. Brown replaces Christian and Bubba does the same with D-Von. Sky High out of nowhere gets two. Back to D-Von who gets Farrooq. The Posse jumps Bradshaw and the Dudleys hit a reverse 3D on Farrooq for a fast count pin. Too short to rate but it was pretty bad. The Canadians were never in the match.

Bradshaw KILLS the Posse with chair shots post match. Pete takes a double spinebuster and double jackknife.

Tori is crying and Kane asks what’s wrong. She says Test touched her. It was innocent but she’s acting like he groped her. Tori says he violated her so Kane GROWLS.

HHH has bought Stephanie a diamond. Speaking of Rocks (that’s their transition, not mine) he might be out of them tonight. HHH also wants Angle to lose his undefeated streak tonight. Stephanie doesn’t like that but Kane and Tori come in and Kane demands a match with Test. Gee, that certainly gets X-Pac out of trouble doesn’t it?

Kurt Angle vs. Headbangers

Angle is still a goofy idiot and YOUR American hero so he makes sure to tell us about his Three I’s. I love this version of him as he was hilarious. He says that even though Greensboro isn’t that smart, but if they stick with Integrity and Intensity, they’ll do just fine. They have to tag. Not that it matters as Steve Blackman comes out, hits Mosh with a kendo stick and puts Angle on top for the pin. I think this was where Blackman wanted to end Angle’s streak. Depending on how you determine it, that would have been either Tazz (Angle passed out but didn’t tap) or Rock who pinned him clean.

HHH isn’t happy with Blackman’s interference. Stephanie had told him not to do that but he must have forgotten. Stephanie seems to think Angle is cute.

Mankind says that he’s sorry but tonight he’s going to have to do some unpopular things because he’s not ready to be fired yet.

Here’s Snow for some ranting. Snow is a heel here due to being shunned by Mankind for Rock. He says he’s not here for your entertainment. He’s been in this business for 17 years and he’s sacrificed a lot of things. And for what? These people? He won’t make any more sacrifices…but here’s Chris Jericho. Chris tells Snow to shut up to solve his problems.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Al Snow

Sunset flip gets two for Jericho and they trade pinfall reversals. Snow slaps him and Jericho gets all mad. They go to the floor and Jericho rams his knee into Snow’s head. Jericho tries a rana but gets powerbombed instead. Snow Plow puts Jericho down but Chyna runs in and hits Snow in the head with Head to save the IC Title. Chyna leaves all smiley. Chyna would get a title shot on Thursday which would result in co-champions. Snow’s heel turn lasted about two more weeks until the company realized they were trying to push Al Snow as a heel and came to their senses.

Mark Henry tells Harvey Whippleman that he has a lot of sexual frustration built up and he needs to be alone with Mae. However he needs Harvey to take Moolah. Harvey says no way so Moolah grabs him by the ear and chokes him as she demands they go. This can’t end well.

The Rock vs. Mankind

The loser gets fired. They’re friends so no one wants to start this off. Foley hits a quick shoulder block and goes for the pole but gets pulled down. The same thing happens with Rock but Mankind pulls him down too. DX is watching on a very small monitor in the back. Rock puts him down with a DDT but Al Snow runs in and knocks Rock out with the Head. He wakes Mankind up and tells him to go up but Mankind won’t take it that way and drills Snow, throwing him to the floor.

Mankind turns around and walks into a Rock Bottom. Snow yells at Foley and says he’ll never help him again. Rock goes up but Mankind gets a low blow to stop it. They slug it out but Mankind ducks the clothesline and puts Rock down with a double arm DDT. There’s Mr. Socko and Rock is in trouble. Mankind goes up but Rock stops him. They fight on the corner and Rock rams Foley’s head into the pole and shoves him to the floor. Rock wins and Foley is fired.

Rating: C+. This was an interesting match. The idea is that you can’t really criticize them for being tentative because that’s character driven. They’re friends so they don’t want to hurt each other but they have to do what they have to do to survive. This worked pretty well I thought although it wasn’t that exciting.

Foley gets a standing ovation and says he’s not ashamed to lose to Rock. He’s ashamed as to how it happened though. He was going to retire in the year 2000 but it’s still 1999. What just happened kind of sucks. He loved everything he’s done and please pop in a Mankind tape and know he loved this. Just don’t watch this match because DX sucks. His firing lasted like a week.

The boys thank Foley for everything in the back.

Ivory/Prince Albert vs. The Kat/Val Venis vs. Gangrel/Luna vs. Jacqueline/Viscera

Kat is Women’s Champion. Why this match exists is beyond me. Val and Albert start this off. Val gets caught in a chokebomb and a slam. He tags in….Luna? Albert runs over her so she hits him low and brings in Val to face Viscera. Gangrel comes in illegally and takes a spinebuster. There’s the Money Shot but Teddy Long (referee) says that’s not the right referee. Bicycle kick from Albert pins Val quickly. What a mess.

Time for comedy! Harvey/Mark/Mae/Moolah are at dinner. Mark reads Mae a poem and wants her in bed. Harvey doesn’t know a poem for Moolah so he makes one up that insults her breath.

Foley says goodbye to the guys in the production truck.

X-Pac vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy means nothing at this point so this should be a show stealer. Not that it would be hard but you get the idea. Matt comes out with Jeff, as does their valet Terri. Jeff avoids some suplexes and dropkicks Pac down. Out to the floor and Jeff hits a sweet baseball slide. Whisper in the Wind to a grounded X-Pac misses and Pac takes over. Jeff comes back and a headscissors sends Pac to the floor. He runs the railing but X-Pac hits him in the ribs on the way down. Terri comes in and helps Jeff with Poetry in Motion. Swanton (called a Senton here) gets two. Jeff tries a moonsault but Pac kicks him low and hits the X-Factor for the pin.

Rating: B-. It was good but not as good as you would have expected. Jeff had nothing to lose here so he went up in the air as much as he could. That being said, he was still really young here (22) so he wasn’t quite ready to do all the flying and flips that he was supposed to be able to do here. Good high flying match though.

Back to the date and a fan asks Henry for an autograph. Harvey tries to help him spell it and the fan asks Henry why he’s such a loser. MAE HITS THE GUY IN THE CHEST! Moolah chokes him until Henry saves the guy. Mae and Mark leave to cuddle.

Kane vs. Test

Test tries to explain to Test what happened but then says give Tori Prozac or Midol. However he’ll fight if that’s what Kane wants. Kane hammers him into the corner and Tori eggs him on. Test gets some offense in but goes to the floor for some reason. Kane hits Test in the face with the steps which isn’t a DQ somehow. Now he shoves the referee and that’s the DQ. This was a beating, not a match.

Tori slaps Test post match.

Foley is still saying goodbye so HHH and Stephanie are going to send security to get rid of him.

Big Show says everything is a game anymore and the game is being run by HHH. He’s squashed everyone he’s been against and tonight, it’s Game Over.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Too Cool

Rikishi comes out for moral support. Road Dogg and Scotty start and Scotty speeds things up to start. Here comes the Worm (centipede according to Lawler so maybe it’s not perfected yet) but Dogg pops up and punches Scotty down. Off to Billy (in a sky blue t-shirt) who is in for about 5 seconds. Roadie misses a middle rope legdrop and here’s Grandmaster. Scotty and Billy fight on the floor as Rikishi takes Billy out. Sexay hits what we would call the Skull Crushing Finale and a top rope legdrop to Roadie but X-Pac comes in with an X-Factor to let Road Dogg get the pin. Short and average.

Rikishi piledrives Road Dogg post match and destroys X-Pac with a belly to belly. The Outlaws save him from the Banzai Drop though. Too Cool does get to dance though.

HHH and Stephanie have Foley thrown out.

Mae and Mark are in bed while Moolah and Harvey are in the other one. No clothing can be seen anywhere. COMEDY!

WWF Title: Big Show vs. HHH

Show still has long hair here. HHH makes this no DQ and tells DX to stay away but doesn’t sound that serious. HHH slugs him back into the corner but Show throws him in even harder. HHH knocks him to the floor and counters Show, ramming him into the post. Back in and Show Shows Up. There goes the referee and here comes DX. Roadie hits him low and Billy hits him with the belt.

That only gets two though and here comes Big Show. He knocks everyone down and powerslams HHH for two. Here comes Stephanie as it’s already 4-1. Show takes the Outlaws down with a flying clothesline and chokeslams X-Pac. Steph gives HHH a chair which caves his head in but Mankind runs in and hits HHH with the chair. Chokeslam ends this.

Rating: C-. Vince Russo may have left a few months earlier but his style was still firmly in place. This was a Russo main event with added gimmicks and run-ins galore (5 in a 6 minute match. That has to be some sort of record) on top of two chair shots and a ref bump. The match was nothing of note and Show winning capped off a bad night.

Overall Rating: C-. I have no idea if this show was any good or not. That’s due to 1999’s major strength/flaw (depending on where you sit): everything goes by so fast that you can’t tell if something was good or not because you’re busy looking at the other stuff. As for the stuff happening on this show, most of it didn’t matter as HHH would win the title the following week and Foley would be reinstated the week thereafter. That’s 1999 booking for you in a nutshell, and it was the most successful year WWF ever had by about a mile. Ok show, but not if you want in ring action.

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Monday Night Raw – August 21, 2006 – This Isn’t Funny

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 21, 2006
Location: Webster Bank Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,700
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another night, another requested show, another with no idea why it’s on this list. Anyway, this is Raw from 2006, meaning Edge is champion….I think. The main event is Flair vs. Orton, in a match that is probably nowhere near as good as it was supposed to be but they didn’t have anyone else to put out there other than Flair since the world champion is in the middle of the card. Let’s get to it.

This is the night after Summerslam where Hogan beat Orton.

Here’s Edge to open the show without the belt. He talks about how he’s been waiting for this night for his entire life. Everyone bought tickets to see Cena here as the new champion but they were ALL WRONG! Hey you, the kid in the front row. YOU WERE WRONG! If he’s champion, where’s his title? And where’s his girlfriend? Lita (with a top cut down to her navel) pops up on the screen with the WWE Title near a harbor. Lita throws it into the water.

Edge says that this is the beginning of a new era. Smoke comes down from the ceiling and when it’s gone, there’s a new title hanging on a hook. It’s a new spinner belt with a Rated R logo on it. Edge says if there’s anyone in the back that wants a shot at the title, bring it on. Cue the returning Jeff Hardy, back on Raw for the first time in about four years. So that’s why this was requested. Edge runs his mouth about Matt so Jeff takes him down and loads up the Swanton but Edge runs.

Ad for the McMahon DVD. That’s one of the funniest DVDs you’ll ever see.

Eugene/Jim Duggan/Highlanders vs. Spirit Squad

This would be the Squad minus Mitch. Eugene and I think Johnny start things off. Mitch is the one on the floor. Got it. Johnny kicks Eugene in the ribs in a battle of OVW legends. There’s an airplane spin from Eugene and here’s Robbie. The Spirit Squad are using a Freebird Rule on steroids to be five man tag team champions. Off to Kenny, the leader of the team who gets two off a clothesline.

Mikey in now with some crossface shots. Mitch and Nick (Dolph Ziggler) cheer Mikey on, meaning they’re playing the gimmick perfectly. Robbie fights off everyone in the corner for a few seconds but there are too many cheerleaders. The fans want Hacksaw. Here’s Nicky and he represents Exhibit A as to never say never about someone. Back to Kenny, the star of the team and the guy that hasn’t been seen in years.

This match is probably getting more time than it needs, especially when we’re waiting on Hacksaw to get the hot tag and destroy everything in sight. Kenny misses his nearly perfect guillotine legdrop and there’s the tag to Rory, meaning the fans don’t care all that much. He hits what we would call the Irish Curse and everything breaks down. Duggan gets a big reaction. The Highlanders get Nick alone and hit the Scot Drop (double team reverse slingshot suplex) for the pin.

Rating: D+. The time hurt it here and Duggan not being in officially killed the crowd. The Highlanders were funny for a little while (and by that I mean for their vignettes) and then they became any other tag team. They never won the titles and then Robbie showed up at Impact in the crowd and got a huge fine or something like that.

Edge wants to find Vince but gets Coach (and an endorsement for the McMahon DVD). Edge vs. Jeff non-title is made for later. The champ leaves just as Vince gets here and he throws Coach out. The McMahons (Shane is with him) say that the illegal man was pinned last night so this isn’t over with DX.

Orton says he had Hogan beaten and Hogan getting his foot on the rope shouldn’t mean anything. Flair is a bigger legend than Hogan too. Carlito pops up and says seeing Hogan win last night was cool. Randy: “At least I was on Summerslam.” Orton yells some more and leaves.

HHH is reading a magazine and then talks to the camera a bit. Last night the McMahons tried everything to beat DX (including male cheerleaders, a leprechaun, a chubby giant, and a cannibal) but DX overcame and won. They were on the way to Bridgeport when they saw Vince’s private plane. Shawn pops up with an overly dramatic plane crash sequence using a toy plane. HHH says they found the private hanger where Vince keeps his 30 million dollar plane and there was a little incident. Shawn scratched the paint but HHH says he doesn’t think Vince will notice. The camera pans over to a giant DX painted on the side.

Vince is very mad and grunts. He shoves the TV he was watching and I think he starts to cry.

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

They slug it out to start and Trish hits a splash in the corner followed by a dropkick. Trish knocks her to the floor and hits the Thesz Press to the floor. Clothesline gets two back in the ring. Victory roll gets the same and you know Lawler was happy with that. Stratusfaction is countered into a backbreaker and Victoria works on the back a bit. They go to the corner and Trish hits a middle rope hurricanrana but Victoria pops up and tries the Widow’s Peak. Trish escapes and Stratusfaction ends this clean.

Rating: C+. This was FAR better than any Divas match that we’ve had in years. It’s only about three minutes long and they did more good looking stuff than the modern batch of Divas have done in I don’t know how long. Trish was gorgeous but she could also have some great matches. Victoria is no slouch either.

The McMahons come out immediately after the match ends and Vince is mad. He yells at the fans for encouraging DX for their degeneracy. Ok see, there’s a difference between being a jerk and vandalism. Thankfully Vince knows this and has called the cops to have DX arrested. With that, we go to a break.

We come back and the McMahons are still here so let’s go to the airport where the cops are waiting. Instead we cut to DX who aren’t at the airport. So they’re fugitives now. They’re on top of the WWE headquarters and talk about how everyone has left their marks on places they’ve discovered or reached first. HHH talks about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor but Vince stops him before he gets on a roll. The camera pans way out and there’s a huge DX painted on the side of the building. Vince looks like he’s going to be sick. He starts crying and walks to the back very slowly.

On this day seven years ago, Smackdown debuted.

After a break it’s STILL on the McMahons with Foley popping up. He asks Vince how he’s doing and says he’s not having such a great night himself. Vince says he doesn’t like Foley and to stop calling him Vince. Tonight, since DX isn’t here, Foley can join Vince’s exclusive club. If Foley doesn’t do it, someone gets fired.

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title and clearly this needs to be in the middle of the show instead of in the main event spot right? The version of the video I have speeds up a lot here which makes JR sound like William Shattner as Captain Kirk. Jeff starts with a baseball slide and the fight starts on the floor. Edge takes over by sending him into the steps and gets two in the ring. He bends Jeff around the post to work on the back.

Jeff sends him into the buckle and goes up but Edge moves. DDT gets two. Edge hits a quick Edge-O-Matic to take over and get two at the same time. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two also. Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton and Edge is in big trouble. Lita has to make the save…and here’s Cena for the DQ.

Rating: C+. These two know each other so well that it’s almost impossible for them to have a bad match together. Jeff was being put back into things carefully because he hadn’t been around the WWE style for a long time. He would get into the IC Title picture very soon and would get the title in a few months/weeks.

Cena knocks Edge into the back and they fight to a break. Back and the fight continues. Edge is knocked into various objects but he manages to get in a right hand. Cena throws Edge into the water where Lita threw the belt earlier.

Foley is in the back when Melina comes up to encourage him.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Johnny Nitro

Kane beat Shelton to get this shot. Nitro runs as much as he can and gets in a few shots here and there. Melina won’t stop screaming. Kane hammers him down and hits the top rope clothesline and Umaga runs in for the DQ.

Umaga beats Kane down and hits a bunch of Samoan Spikes on him.

Layla won the Divas Search.

Marine trailer debuts.

Randy Orton vs. Ric Flair

Flair is covered in bandages and has a black eye after the I Quit match with Foley last night. All Orton to start as he beats Flair into the ground with basic offense. Back to the floor and Flair is sent into the steps. Orton stomps around Flair’s body and the RKO finishes this clean. Total squash.

Orton beats on him even more post match until the decision is reversed. Carlito makes the save.

Here’s Foley for the Vince kissing segment club. Foley says he won’t do it because he doesn’t need this job. “I’ve saved a bunch of money over the years on apparel and haircuts.” Vince says if he doesn’t do it, Melina is fired. She says don’t do it but Foley says Melina will be a big star (really?) so he’ll get it over with. In a funny moment, Foley freaks out on Vince and demands he take his pants down.

Foley does it and Melina hits him low. Vince fires Foley. The McMahons and Melina leave and Vince talks trash. He and Shane get outside and Vince says he thinks DX has broken him. Vince gets in his limo, drives away…..and there’s a chain attached to the axle which rips it and the wheels off. DX is painted on the side of it and Vince starts to cry.

Overall Rating: D. This show sums up most of the problems of this era: the whole summer was about Vince and eventually Shane vs. DX, and it wasn’t funny. DX never really broke a sweat against them because at the end of the day, it’s Shawn Michaels and HHH vs. 5 cheerleader jobbers and the McMahons. The stuff to “break” Vince isn’t funny in the slightest and the whole thing was a mess. Also, why in the world was the return of a big name fighting probably his biggest rival who is world champion on in the middle of the show? To see Flair for 2 minutes? Really? Bad show.

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Monday Night Raw – February 1, 1999 – 300th Episode

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 1, 1999
Location: Tucson Convention Center, Tucson, Arizona
Attendance: 6,986
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is the 300th (or so) episode of Raw. We’re just after the Rumble and we’re solidly in the middle of Vince vs. Austin. Taker is starting to get psycho at this point and the Ministry is around, but it hasn’t hit its peak yet. The main event tonight is Kane vs. HHH in a cage. Mankind won the world title “last night” at Halftime Heat. Both this show and Halftime Heat were taped the previous week. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of the empty arena match where Mankind won the world title in what I thought was a fun match. The ending is stupid but it is 1999 WWF so you have to cut them some slack.

We open with Shane having a meeting with the Corporation. Vince isn’t here tonight so he’s in charge. Kane is traveling on his own which freaks Shane out.

Here’s the Corporation to open the show. It’s Shane, Bossman, Test and Shamrock. Shane says he isn’t X-Pac and sends everyone else to the back. Vince is down in Victoria, Texas to try to provoke Austin into hitting him so that Austin gets fired. Shane calls for the cage to be lowered. What he doesn’t see is X-Pac riding down on it. The Corporation is getting beaten down by DX in the back.

Shane talks smack about X-Pac and then sees him. He begs off and tries to buy time for the Corporation to save him. Pac jumps him until Chyna runs out for the save. Pac spin kicks Shane down but takes a low blow. Chyna and Shane leave together.

Here’s the WWF Super Bowl commercial. This was at the beginning of every home video for like a year.

Vince is in Texas with the Stooges. They’re in cowboy hats so Vince says they look ridiculous. They’re in a badly lit bar and Vince asks the bartender if she’s seen Austin. He makes fun of her accent and gets annoyed when she won’t answer him.

Here’s Shamrock who is IC Champion at this point. Val Venis has been hitting on Shamrock’s sister and made one of his videos with her.

Billy Gunn vs. Val Venis

This is part of the threeway feud for the IC Title. Shamrock goes on a huge rant about Venis before the match while on commentary. Val says he’s a lot like a custom Harley: good on the eyes, powerful between the legs and ready to be rode all night long. Billy moons Val and stomps on him in the corner. Cole asks if Ken’s sister might be making consensual decisions with Val. Ken says he makes the decisions for her.

Ken goes on another rant about how horrible adult films are and how it needs to be banned from the country. Billy hits a powerslam for two. The fans start laying into Shamrock as this match is background noise for the Shamrock rants. Lawler of course goes on about how Venis was soaping up Shamrock’s sister in the shower. Val hooks a chinlock and Shamrock has promised not to put a hand on Val. Shamrock finally has enough and whacks Val with a chair. Not his finger though, right? The camera cut to the crowd during the shot for some reason.

Rating: D. The match sucked for the most part but like I said, the whole point of this was to hear Shamrock’s rants. This was pretty funny stuff as Shamrock went all insane conservative instead of just his usual insane. Ryan (his sister) was rather attractive so I can’t say I’m complaining about her being Val’s partner.

Val thinks Billy hit him with the chair so he hits Billy with the chair (again cutting to the audience).

Somehow Mankind got $100,000 out of Shane’s trust fund and has been going on a spending spree. His first purchase: Max Mini for $487.

Rock doesn’t like the money being spent. He’s talking to Vince who is still in Texas.

Here’s Debra to brag about being the manager of the new tag champions. Mark Henry comes out to hit on her when Jarrett and Owen beat him down.

Mankind gives investment advice to Kurrgan. Kurrgan has no money so Mankind gives him some.

We recap D’Lo costing Terri her baby so he has to be the slave of PMS (Pretty Mean Sisters).

Before their match, Terri and Jackie complain about D’Lo not doing enough for them yet. Bossman insulted them earlier so they want D’Lo to fight him.

D’Lo Brown vs. Big Bossman

Bossman takes over to start with his power. A splash in the corner puts D’Lo down but he comes back with a leg lariat and some leg drops. Middle rope elbow gets two. Brown puts Bossman down and hits the Low Down but PMS gets the referee’s attention. Bossman Slam ends this quick.

Mark Henry comes out for the save post match.

Pat Patterson hits on Texas women. Vince says he’s found Austin.

Here’s Blue Meanie for an audition to see if a male dance review will go over on cable TV. I am dead serious. Goldust jumps him and hits Shattered Dreams on him.

Henry tries to tell Brown that he can’t keep doing this. The doctor tells Henry that Terri was never pregnant.

Darren Drozdov vs. Kurrgan

Droz turned heel last week and beat up the Oddities’ friend George Steele. Kurrgan fights him back with power and hits a side slam for two. A splash in the corner puts Droz down and he gets clotheslined to the floor. Droz hits Kurrgan with a stick of some sort from under the ring and wins with a top rope shoulder.

Droz beats him down post match until the other Oddities make the save.

Vince and the Stooges have some chili at a place Austin frequents.

Undertaker/Mideon/Viscera vs. Edge/Christian/Gangrel

Taker is sitting on a throne at the entrance so this is 3-2 for awhile. Mideon and Gangrel start us off and Gangrel is backdropped. Here’s Viscera who has recently been added to the Ministry. A rolling heel kick kills Gangrel so the brothers come in to try to help him out. The three of them manage to take Mideon down but the Acolytes run in for the DQ.

Officials come down but the Brood throws them out. They ask for more punishment which they receive. Gangrel is hung.

Mankind gives Debra a sweater.

Clips of Halftime Heat last night.

Here’s Mankind for his official introduction as the champion. He briefly talks about how fun it is to be champion when Rock is here. Rock talks about how he’s the real champion and how he lost the title with all of Mankind’s conditions in play. He wants his $97,000 back. Mankind says it’s more like $72,000 now. Apparently Foley said that if Rock gave him the empty arena match, he’d give him the money back. But he’s changed his mind so he won’t give it back. Ok then. Rock wants a last man standing match for a rematch and Mankind says deal. This was really low key and not the best exchange they’ve ever had.

The Super Bowl commercial is talked about again and we get the spoof of it, which is the exact opposite of what they had before. For instance, Sable says they always use sex to enhance the show as opposed to the original where they say they never do. It’s a lot funnier than it sounds.

Vince thinks he’s found Austin in a pawn shop. He tells the Stooges to jump him as he comes in while Vince gets the car. And it’s not him but rather a Texan with a gun. Austin is at a bar apparently.

Al Snow/Road Dogg vs. Acolytes

Roadie is Hardcore Champion if you’re looking for an explanation for the pairing. The brawl starts on the ramp and it’s a hardcore match. Snow has a table rammed into his head and this is a big mess from the bell. Bradshaw throws in the steps and Road Dogg has a pencil. Snow and Farrooq fight into the crowd and the others join them. They fight to a concession stand and Snow goes into a barricade. They head outside and Snow hammers on Farrooq who has a garbage can over his head. Roadie and Bradshaw have a table in the ring while Viscera appears in the back to slam Snow. Bradshaw powerbomb Dogg for the pin.

Rating: C. Fun match but the ending was exactly what you would expect it to be. These matches are for fun for the most part and the thrown together team did a lot better than you would have expected them to do for the most part. The Acolytes were still getting the hang of what they were doing.

The Ministry comes out to beat on Roadie, including three druids. Taker comes out and has them unveiled, showing them as the Brood.

Road Dogg wants to know where Snow was. Snow wants to know where Road Dogg was. Roadie hits him with a chair.

The cage is lowered.

Vince finds the real Austin. Vince talks trash and Austin says he isn’t going to hit him until St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. McMahon says he doesn’t like being here with these kind of people. Austin tells “these kind of people” to make sure Vince has a good time after Austin leaves.

HHH vs. Kane

In a cage. HHH isn’t happy with Chyna who he tells to suck it even though she’s in the back. This is escape only I believe. There’s no referee in there so it must be. Kane takes over and the fire goes out of the corners. That didn’t seem 100% planned. The red lights are on too. The lights go normal again as HHH is rammed into the cage. Trips dives for the door but Kane makes a save.

He tries it again and there’s a chair on the outside. I’ll bet that comes into play later. Kane goes up top but the clothesline misses. HHH goes for the door for the third time and Kane saves, but just as I expected the chair is brought into play. It goes onto Kane’s head and the jumping knee puts him down. HHH has the momentum and gets his feet up to stop a charging Kane.

Kane uppercuts him down though and starts to climb. HHH makes the save in a pretty impressive looking fall. They both go up and Kane tries to chokeslam him off the top but gets crotched instead. Pedigree is countered by a backdrop which is followed by the chokeslam. Pac comes out and slams the cage door onto Kane’s head as he tries to escape but Kane still gets up first. Pac climbs up to stop him as HHH climbs the other corner. Chyna comes in to try and interfere to no avail as HHH escapes for the win.

Rating: C+. This set up a tag match at the PPV which I don’t remember in the slightest. The match itself was pretty solid though with these two working well together. Somehow three of these people (not X-Pac) would manage to turn four times within a week with three of those coming at Wrestlemania alone, resulting in a total role reversal.

Chyna promises to end this with HHH at the PPV.

Overall Rating: C-. This show is one that is going to be hit or miss for a lot of people. If you like this era, you’ll like this show but if you don’t then you’re not going to be all that thrilled. It’s ok and the main event is good, but the wrestling other than that is totally worthless as the matches are either really short or there to set up the angles post match. Not terrible, but not there for the fans of in ring actions.

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Monday Night Raw – July 23, 2001: Rock Is Coming Back

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 23, 2001
Location: First Niagara Center, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole

The Invasion is in full swing and we have a new big star in the now officially named Alliance: Stone Cold turned again last night, joining up with them. You know, the company that fired him via Fed-Ex in the 90s and that he lost to Mikey Whipwreck in. Anyway, tonight will likely be promo heavy as Austin explains his actions. Let’s get to it.

Taker vs. Rhyno later.

Here’s the Alliance to open things up. Austin has new music. We just have the leaders here. Stephanie says she understands why so many people are angry. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow. Take it with juice. It helps a lot. She’s still so bad on the mic. I can’t complain about seeing her in leather though. The WWF is doomed, we are the future, all that jazz.

Heyman says we told you so and various other things. He introduces Austin, saying he who has the gold has the power. Actually Shane has something to say first. It’s more of the same that Heyman and Steph already said. The Alliance fans will be better fans than the WWF ones. Now it’s time to hear from Austin. Austin says he’s not appreciated by the WWF and Vince. Vince was always hugging Angle behind his back. Yes, this is really what they were going with.

Also, Vince has been on the phone a lot lately and has been calling The Rock. ERUPTION for that name. Why call the Rock? Austin is right here. Vince doesn’t need Rock or Angle when he’s right here. He’s jumped to a team that loves Austin. They’ll find him top level competition. My assumption would be that he’ll fight WWF guys, as in THE SAME COMPETITION HE’S FOUGHT FOR YEARS!!! I’ve never gotten that point.

Anyway Angle comes out to interrupt and gets a big pop for himself. He became a star out of this whole ordeal. Austin runs his mouth and Angle hasn’t said anything yet. Angle lost on Thursday because Austin wasn’t there to save him. Austin recites the Pledge and Angle hits the floor and destroys him, sending Austin running after a suplex.

RVD celebrates being the Hardcore Champion and says the WWF guys want to join them now.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy

Matt hits a baseball slide to RVD as he makes his entrance. He sends Rob into the post and we head back in. There’s a ladder but Rob knocks it to the floor and hits Rolling Thunder for two. He brings the ladder back in and puts it almost in the middle of the ring. Rob goes up but Matt climbs as well and hip tosses him down where Van Dam lands on his leg. Matt climbs again (remember that it’s not a ladder match) and drops a leg for two. Matt sandwiches him between the ladder but Rob kicks him low. There goes the referee and Van Dam splashes the ladder onto Matt onto the ladder for the pin. Why shove the referee?

Rating: C. Not bad here but it’s so fast that the ladder didn’t mean a ton. The Jeff match the previous night where Rob got the title was far better as they had a great spotfest which is what these matches should be about. This was fine but after last night’s, it comes up pretty far short.

Edge and Christian runs into the Dudleys in the back. Smack is talked and a table match is proposed. Booker comes in and wants in on it. The Canadians want to know if Booker is related to Mr. T. The tables match will be elimination, meaning three people have to go through tables to end it. Edge and Christian need to find a partner.

Page and Kanyon are in the back and Kanyon has an Invasion MVP shirt. The Alliance won 6 to 5 last night (counting the Heat match which wasn’t mentioned on the PPV) and Kanyon got the deciding win.

Intercontinental Title: Lance Storm vs. Albert

Albert rams him into the corner to start and Lance is in trouble. Storm sends him to the floor but his plancha is caught in a slam. Albert is rammed into the post and Storm takes over. Back in Albert military presses Storm and follows with a splash for two. Bicycle kick looks to set up the Baldo Bomb but Mike Awesome gets the referee. That allows Hugh Morrus to hit Albert with the belt. A superkick gives Storm the title in a short match. Storm got a BIG pop for winning the title.

Post match the WWF runs out for a brawl and everyone comes into the ring in another big fight.

The Alliance bosses celebrate in the back. Kanyon comes in and Austin has no idea who he is. Kanyon: “Who better than Kanyon?” Austin: “Stone Cold Steve Austin better than Kanyon.” Kanyon vs. Jericho later.

Torrie and Stacy say nothing of note.

Regal rants to Tajiri and tells him to go beat Raven.

Edge and Christian get Angle on their side for the tables match.

Tajiri vs. Raven

I miss Tajiri’s music. Tajiri fires off kicks to start and knocks him to the floor. Back in a hip toss sets up a cradle for two. More kicks have Raven in trouble. Handspring elbow hits and the fans are into this. Raven chops in the corner and we head outside again. Back in quickly and it turns into a brawl. Missile dropkick gets two for Tajiri. There’s the Tarantula and the Buzzsaw kick ends this.

Rating: C. Tajiri was fun to watch with all those kicks but Raven was a shell of whatever he was in WCW and ECW. The match was little more than a brawl, but Tajiri was pretty awesome at this point so watching him kick the heads off everyone in sight is never a bad thing. Fun little match which I liked more than I should have I think.

Heyman tells Rhyno how awesome the Alliance is and says all he has to do is beat the Undertaker tonight.

The APA presents Angle with a beer for his attack on Austin earlier. They give him a beer which he says he’s never had before. He sips at it so the APA teaches him to chug. Angle likes it.

Undertaker vs. Rhyno

Taker beats him down and even hits a drop toehold to set up some elbows for two. Old School and a legdrop get two. Taker no sells some kicks but the chokeslam is broken up. Rhyno loads up the Gore but Taker kicks him down. Chokeslam ends this squash.

DDP came out during the chokeslam to go after Sara but Taker gets to him first. They fight into the crowd and back to the ring. Sara gets in some kicks as Taker gets a chair. Sara stomps some more and Page pulls her into the way of the chair shot and Taker is distraught.

Post break Taker won’t let Sara get medical attention. Page leaves in a car after talking about how much seeing her in pain turned him on.

Chris Jericho vs. Kanyon

Jericho makes fun of Who Better Than Kanyon pre match. The brawl starts on the floor and Jericho is sent into the ring ribs/back first. Once in the ring Jericho takes over with chops in the corner. Three Amigos get two for Chris. Kanyon grabs a sitout Alabama Slam for two. Off to a chinlock which Jericho quickly breaks. A middle rope Fameasser gets two. Kanyon loads up a superplex but Jericho knocks him down and hits a missile dropkick to put them both down. Bulldog sets up the Lionsault but it eats knees. Flatliner gets two. Kanyon tries an enziguri but Chris ducks and holds the leg for the Walls and the tap.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here as again it works well when you give talented guys time. Funny how that works isn’t it? Still though, Kanyon was usually smooth in the ring and he was here, making for a good guy to compliment Jericho’s high flying stuff. This was one of the better Raw matches in awhile.

Here’s Vince for some chatting. He congratulates the Alliance for their win last night. He thinks the WWF will win the war without Austin. Losing Austin was an atomic bomb but Vince has a bomb of his own: he’s reinstating The Rock. That doesn’t mean he’ll come back though, so Vince says some catchphrases and begs Rock.

Angle asks Vince to be leader again and gets about the same response as last week. Vince does say actions speak louder than words. Angle shoves Vince against the wall and says you’ll get action.

Big Show and Billy Gunn are at WWF New York. They list their accomplishments and then make fun of each other.

Torrie hits of Jeff and offers to spank him when Trish comes up and they brawl onto the table.

Torrie Wilson vs. Trish Stratus

Spanking match, meaning paddle on a pole. You win by spanking the other blonde. Neither girl has any clue what they’re doing in a ring so this is about what you would expect it to be. They do some really bad wrestling and Trish gets the paddle. Torrie runs from the paddle, dropkicks Trish, and spanks her to win. NEXT.

Shane fires up the Dudleys/Booker.

Dudley Boys/Booker T vs. Edge/Christian/Kurt Angle

Elimination tables match. For reasons that elude me, they have to tag. Angle vs. D-Von gets us going with Kurt running him over. Off to Christian who does about the same. Edge is sent to the floor and the Dudleys take over on him. Booker comes in and works over Edge but it’s back to Bubba quickly. Double flapjack plants Edge and there’s a table at ringside. It hasn’t been touched yet but it’s set up.

The middle rope backsplash misses for Bubba and Edge brings in Christian. Everything breaks down and the Canadians double suplex Bubba. Here’s a table set up by Edge/Christian but a low blow sets up the 3D to Christian through the table to get it down to 3-2. Edge takes the Dudleys down with a double flying clothesline. Booker and Edge are in the ring now and it gets back to a normal tag structure.

Edge-O-Matic takes Booker down but Bubba comes in with a hot shot to take Edge right back down. Angle picks Bubba off and they head to the floor. Back in the ring, Booker slams Edge through the table to make it Angle vs. all three. Angle gets caught in the 3-1 beating and it looks bleak for him. What’s Up to Angle and Bubba wants a table. Booker sets up the table and tries to suplex Kurt through it but Kurt hooks one of his own.

The Dudleys come in and Bubba is thrown outside. D-Von goes out as well and Kurt follows. D-Von charges at Kurt but gets suplexed onto a table which doesn’t break. Angle puts up a fresh one and suplexes D-Von through that one. That’s just not nice. Back in Booker hits the ax kick and spins up. Kurt grabs an Angle Slam out of nowhere onto the table but that one doesn’t break either. Man they’re using the good ones tonight.

The table is set in the corner and Booker is whipped through it. Bubba takes him down and there goes the referee. Nick Patrick comes out and moves a table that Angle was about to Angle Slam Bubba through. Kurt destroys him and puts the ankle lock on Patrick on the table but here’s Austin. He Stuns Angle and Bubba powerbombs him through the table to end this.

Rating: C. What’s the right word for this? Oh I know: stupid. There were two bad ideas in this match. First and foremost, Bubba Ray Dudley gets the win? Second, the idea here should have been to set up Angle vs. Booker because Booker couldn’t beat Angle on his own, resulting in Angle getting a title shot. How do I know that? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY DID! On Smackdown Angle wins the title, which makes this a really stupid ending. Also, better make sure Angle doesn’t get too popular. He’s a second tier guy remember, and we wouldn’t want a second tier guy becoming a star. Man kind of a crazy idea isn’t it?
The WWF guys chase Austin off.

Overall Rating: B-. This show was good but it could never put together a long streak of greatness that it was capable of. The ending again is pretty stupid, but other than that there’s little that was bad. The Invasion is getting a lot better lately and with Rock coming back, things would be looking up. Naturally, that’s not how things went but that’s WWF for you.

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Monday Night Raw – February 13, 2012: Did Ryder Fry Up HHH and Stephanie’s Babies For A Snack?

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 13, 2012
Location: Valley View Casino Center, San Diego, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show before Elimination Chamber which is the final major show before Wrestlemania. That being said, the Chamber is pretty much set and it appears that one way or another, Punk and Jericho will be feuding after the PPV. It should be interesting to see what the final push is here and if they add any other matches to the card beforehand. Let’s get to it.

We open with the ending of last week’s show where Kane got in Eve’s face. Kane says that tonight, Cena embraces the hate and someone takes a ride in the ambulance.

We open in the arena….with a debate. All six of the Raw guys in the Chamber are going to have a debate. Punk is asked how he thinks he’ll overcome the odds when he’s interrupted by Ace. Ace is back and that’s about it. As for the question, Punk says this debate will NOT end in violence. As for old snickleprints, aka Clown Shoes, congratulations for maintaining power. Punk thinks Ace must have something like beastiality pictures of the Board members to keep his job. He’ll win because he’s the best in the world.

Vickie asks for no booing and Dolph says he’s better than everyone. Truth says if he’s elected, he’ll trade Vickie and Dolph for Hornswoggle and a box of spiders. Ziggler: “HOW DO YOU WORK HERE???” Truth will also make it legally required to say WHAT after every line of the Pledge of Allegiance. Now back to the issue at hand, he’s going to stomp that box of spiders and make them into Spider Stew, which is high in protein and low in carbs. With Little Jimmy by his side, he’ll drink the stew which will make him strong enough to win the Chamber.

Miz gets to follow that. He says he was the main event of Wrestlemania last year. As for his opponents, Kofi is an afterthought, Truth is insane and should be replaced by Little Jimmy. Punk will melt faster than his ice cream bars. Ziggler has only scored with an old woman….and the buzzer rings before Miz can get to Jericho. He keeps talking and the buzzer keeps going.

Kofi says everything can change in one night and he’s tired of being an afterthought. We actually get a Kofi chant. Jericho says he’s surrounded by neophytes and that he’s the best in the world. He’s been in more Chambers and eliminated more people than anyone ever has. He won the last time he was in it too. Punk should just give him the title right now. Punk says he was thinking of the time when Jericho finished 7th on Dancing With The Stars.

Dolph goes off and says this is stupid. Truth says he won’t be talked down to by a man named after Flipper, and we get some dolphin sounds. Jerry says we’re getting all six of them in singles matches tonight, so let’s start with Jericho vs. Kofi. Jericho shoves his podium over and walks up to Punk. Punk holds up the title and Kofi kicks Jericho’s head off.

Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston

This starts after a break. Jericho is still shaken up so Kofi clotheslines him to the outside and hits a suicide dive. Jericho goes face first into the table and they head back in. Chris gets in some right hands and a senton backsplash for two. Off to a modified chinlock but Kofi comes back with a cross body. Jerry makes fun of Jericho’s statements that he came up with all those ideas. Kofi tries a springboard dropkick but lands in the Walls. He makes the ropes after a good while but pops up with Trouble in Paradise which gets a very delayed two. Jericho gets up and the Codebreaker ends this clean at 5:21.

Rating: B-. The match was good but I really don’t get the idea of having Kofi talk about becoming a bigger deal and then having him lose clean like this. Yeah he got in a lot of offense, but maybe they shouldn’t be having matches between six guys that you want to look strong going into a PPV match between them. Just a thought.

We get a clip from the Rumble with Ryder getting Tombstoned.

Cena is with Ryder in the back and Ryder is in a neckbrace and wheelchair. Ryder has flowers for Eve though because he can’t stay away from her. Cena offers to bring her here and keep watch.

Otunga says Ace isn’t the permanent GM but he has an idea to make him GM of both shows.

We recap Big show vs. Orton on Smackdown and get some post show bonus footage where Show chokeslammed Orton.

Here’s Bryan for commentary I believe.

Big Show vs. Randy Orton

This also starts after a break. Show throws Orton around as the size is just too much for Randy. Orton is all shaken as we take a break. Back with Randy holding a sleeper. He jumps on Show’s back and Show goes down to one knee. Show breaks it up but walks into a great dropkick. Orton covers but is launched to the floor on the kickout. Show glares at Bryan who Cole has been complimenting all match.

Another dropkick drapes Show on the top rope and it’s a SUPER elevated DDT. Cole calls it extra vintage. How can it be vintage when it’s never happened before? Orton loads up the RKO and they horribly botch it with Orton never even leaving his feet. Show tries a chokeslam but Randy escapes and hits a good RKO as Bryan runs in for the DQ at 7:21.

Rating: C+. Better match here than Bryan and Show have been having lately. That’s not a knock on Bryan, but there’s only so much Show can sell for him without it getting ridiculous. The botched RKO was awful but the DDT was pretty cool. Bryan running in might as well have been plastered on a board, but this wasn’t terrible.

Bryan lays them both out with the belt post match.

Here’s Shawn for his big promo with HHH. Shawn talks about how people on Twitter ask him why he always shows up at this time of year. BECAUSE IT’S WRESTLEMANIA!!! He says he can’t be the Main Event anymore, but he can be Mr. Hall of Fame now.

Last week he was watching Raw (and yes he gets TV in the middle of nowhere place that he lives) and was waiting for HHH to say yes to Undertaker. Shawn heard him say no and then called Ace, saying he needed to talk to HHH. Then he thought HHH was just messing with the people and Undertaker. Shawn calls out HHH and even plays air guitar during the entrance.

Here’s the Game and they hug. They throw up an X as required by law. HHH says it’s great to see Shawn who has managed to stop hunting wabbits with Elmer Fudd. However, HHH isn’t going to face Taker at the PPV. Shawn saw Undertaker leave last year and HHH know he’d have to end Taker to beat him, and that’s not the guy he is anymore. Shawn says he’s stuck by HHH forever, even when he married that girl. Did that make HHH one of them, as in a corporate sellout?

The Game doesn’t like that. He says it’s called investing in the future. HHH says Shawn can’t understand it so they’re not having this argument here. Shawn says he’s a simple guy and it’s hard for him to understand this corporate stuff. However, he knows a coward when he sees one. No matter how much money you put around it, a coward is still a coward. The fans chant one more match and HHH leaves. Shawn says yeah walk away like a coward.

HHH freaks and comes back, saying Shawn can’t understand what’s going on. Shawn sits on his ranch with his wife and kids but HHH has real life responsibilities. All of this is going to be his and it means its his responsibility. You can’t look at Taker like an opponent because you can’t. Undertaker is a brand who is good for business. Their breed is gone and there’s a new one in town. Only Taker is left and HHH won’t be the one to end that era.

HHH goes nuclear on Shawn, saying that Shawn can’t push HHH to do what Shawn couldn’t get done. Shawn says that’s a great speech that would work on most people, but he’s at peace with where he’s at. HHH has no peace though. He needs to look Shawn in the eye and say he doesn’t want to end the Streak. HHH starts to walk away but Shawn pulls him back and says look him in the ey. There goes the jacket and Shawn puts the mic down. HHH looks him in the eye and says no. Shawn looks like he’s about to cry. He leaves and HHH stands alone in the ring.

He goes to leave…..and a gong sounds. We get another promo video from Taker saying this isn’t over. Taker’s hands are seen pulling out a nice and cutting his hair. He says keep your pity and give me what is mine: immortality. Back in the arena HHH pulls his tie off and we go to a break. WOW that was good.

R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dolph takes over to start and hits a dropkick. He struts around and does his handstand in the chinlock. There’s a slam and Ziggy does his situps. Truth however rolls him up for a pin at 2:35.

Santino comes to see Ryder and offers him a breath mint. This isn’t funny.

Tamina Snuka vs. Brie Bella

The name change should help. Beth is on commentary for this and will defend the title on Sunday against Tamina. Brie takes over quickly but Tamina hits a jawbreaker to escape. Snuka hits Nikki and then a Samoan Drop to set up the Superfly Splash for the pin at 1:25. Just how I like my Divas matches: nice and short.

Video on The Rock. He’s a movie star you know.

We go to Cena for a reaction on that video but we hear a woman screaming. It’s Eve who is being thrown into the ambulance by Kane. Cena comes to her rescue but the door is locked. Kane gets back up and slams Cena into said door before getting into the driver’s seat. Cena manages to get up and open the door and Eve dives to him. Kane drives off and Eve kisses him. Cena asks what that was for. We pan over to Ryder who is STUNNED and wants to know what that was.

After a break Ryder is wheeling away and is sorry to see that happens. She just wants to be friends. Ryder is disgusted and wheels away.

CM Punk vs. The Miz

Somehow it’s 10:48 already. This show has flown by and in a good way. Poor Zack is the #1 trending topic in the world. Miz takes over to start and works on the left arm. Reality Check is countered and Punk kicks Miz’s head off. Notice that Punk shakes the feeling back into his arm. That’s called selling and it’s a GOOD THING. Punk strikes away but the arm isn’t working right.

Miz pounds on the arm some more so Punk uses his right arm and legs. The knee and a right arm bulldog look to set up the GTS. Miz escapes into the short DDT for two and there’s the running clothesline in the corner. He comes off the top but Punk grabs a powerslam for two. The Macho Elbow (presumably) is broken up and Miz loads up a superplex. Punk comes back and hits the elbow for two. Miz pops up and tries the Finale but Punk reverses into the Anaconda Vice for the tap at 5:00.

Rating: C. This was a quick match but it wasn’t that bad at all. Miz kept moving and that’s the right idea. He’s not great in the ring but when he’s going fast enough and doesn’t have to be on offense all that much, he can be pretty entertaining. I’m not wild about him losing clean in five minutes, but whatever.

The ambulance is back.

Post break here’s Cena. He says there was an awkward moment back there and for what it’s worth Zack, he’s sorry. This was Kane’s plan all along: to turn everyone against him and make him embrace the hate. It’s a solid plan and it would have worked on anybody else. He’s not anybody else though. For some reason people think there’s an evil switch he can just turn on and off. The fans chant that they don’t hate him.

Cena says it’s been like six years and he’s comfortable in his own skin. Cena says he rises above hate and maybe they were chanting we all hate you. The people can think he’s a lady part having Fruity Pebbles guy, which draws a Fruity Pebbles chant. He says he’ll keep adapting and winning. This Sunday, Kane leaves in an ambulance. As for Dwayne (Rocky chant), Cena has a message for him for Wrestlemania.

Hold that though as here’s Ryder in the wheelchair. He gets up on his crutches and very slowly walks down to the ring. Cena tries to explain but Ryder knocks the mic out of his hands. Cena tries to explain again but Ryder slaps him. John takes the shirt off and the fans chant broken back. Ryder says Cena was never his friend and goes to hit Cena again.

Cena blocks it and pulls his own fist back but Ryder falls to the floor. Ryder says stay away from him and leaves. Cena didn’t hit him. Kane pops up on screen and says that Cena has embraced the hate. Sunday will be his last match until Mania because Cena will have his body leaving the WWE in an ambulance. Kane asks for a round of applause for Cena.

Kane then pops up behind Ryder and SHOVES HIM OFF THE STAGE IN HIS WHEELCHAIR! Cena panics and says get help which is there almost immediately. Eve comes out showing off some nice crack and is all worried. The fans chant for Cena for some reason. Ryder is taken out to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. There isn’t much to fault in this show. This was almost all storyline but they were on fire with them tonight. The stories were interesting and we got some great moments like Ryder’s shock and awe over the kiss. I’m curious as to what they’re doing with him but they can’t have more bad stuff happen to him. Oh who am I kidding, of course they can. Great show tonight.

Results
Chris Jericho b. Kofi Kingston – Codebreaker
Randy Orton b. Big Show via DQ when Daniel Bryan interfered
R-Truth b. Dolph Ziggler – Small Package
Tamina Snuka b. Brie Bella – Superfly Splash
CM Punk b. The Miz – Anaconda Vice

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The HHH/Shawn/Taker promo

I think I need a cigarette.




Monday Night Raw – July 16, 2001: The Old Stone Cold Is Back. For Six Days.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 16, 2001
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole

This is the go home show for Invasion and the idea is that Team WWF has no real leader. Vince begged with Austin to be the old Stone Cole instead of the hilarious one he’s been lately. The Alliance has officially been formed and we’re getting ready for the Inaugural Brawl on Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Smackdown with Vince asking Austin to be the old Stone Cole again. He begged Austin to beat him up but Austin shook his head no, walked up the ramp, and left. Vince yelled back at Austin to come back and stun him, ala Shane (the movie, not the kid).

Austin is at the Friendly Tap here in Providence instead of at the arena.

Taker/Kane vs. Page/Rhyno is the main event.

Here’s Spike on crutches to open the show with a major announcement. He’s got something that’s been building in him for awhile and would like Molly to come out here. The announcement is that he loves her. She loves him too. Spike gives her a rose and Molly says she has something for him too but she can’t give it to him here. Spike: “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you and good night!”

Cue Heyman to interrupt the live sex celebration. Heyman says Spike needs to join ECW before this gets insane. Go to the penthouse suite and take care of things with Molly then come to the ECW offices. ECW has offices? Spike declines and says he’s staying with Molly. There’s a place in ECW for Molly too. It’ll only take some liposuction and breast implants.

Spike defends Molly but the Dudleys come out to stop that. Bubba says Spike cost them the tag belts and accuses him of stealing their spotlight. People should be talking about ECW but they’re talking about Spike and Molly. D-Von jumps him and tie him in the ropes. Molly tries to fight back but winds up going through a table.

Angle is practicing his speech to Vince to offer his services as leader of Team WWF on Sunday. Vince comes in and Angle mentions that Austin is at the Friendly Tap. He pitches his idea of leading Team WWF and Vince doesn’t even acknowledge it.

Farrooq vs. Chuck Palumbo

Cole is already screwing things up as he says this is a tag match. O’Haire and Bradshaw are here and these four are the WCW and WWF tag champions. Palumbo charges into the ring and takes over to start but Farrooq pounds him down. The tag teams will meet on Sunday at Invasion in a non-title match. A dropkick puts Farrooq on the floor and Palumbo adds a baseball slide. O’Haire gets involved and eats some steps due to Bradshaw. DDT gets two for Palumbo. Farrooq hits a spinebuster but O’Haire distracts him, allowing the superkick from Palumbo to get the pin. That might be the first Alliance win that was almost clean.

Angle complains to Steve Lombardi that he should be the leader. He calls him Bomber to be funny. Kurt: “I can be extreme. I drank milk the day after it expired once.” Raven comes in and says Kurt isn’t extreme. Angle says Raven isn’t missed so Raven does some of his poetry. Angle asks what most people ask when they hear a Raven promo: what are you talking about? Anyway it’s Raven vs. Angle later, ECW rules. Angle: “WWF rules pal!” Angle was awesome in this role.

Mike Awesome vs. Edge

Before the match, Storm issues a challenge for Invasion between the two of them vs. Edge/Christian. Storm will have no more of these offbeat shenanigans! Five points for working shenanigans in. Here are the Canadians and Christian says Holy Jurassic Park, we’ve actually found a living, breathing Reekasaurus Rex. The tag match is made and offbeat shenanigans RULE!

Awesome controls to start and splashes him into the corner. Edge comes back with a clothesline and neckbreaker for two. Awesome takes it to the floor and rams Edge into the apron. Back in Edge gets his knees up and fires off some dropkicks. Awesome Bomb is countered into the Buzzkiller (Edgecution) but Storm puts the foot on the rope. Storm comes in and is easily dispatched. Christian brings in chairs for a Conchairto but as the referee gets rid of them, Storm superkicks Edge and Awesome gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Eh not bad but the Alliance guys still can’t get a clean win no matter what they do. This is the problem that they had for the entire run of the angle: there’s no reason to assume that the WWF was ever in any real danger because they never got beaten clean at all. Eventually someone competent would beat WCW/ECW (not yet called the Alliance actually) so why get worried?

On a related note, Cole says the WWF is 0-3 tonight. After two matches. I don’t even need to make fun of him anymore.

Stephanie, with her horrible braided hair, praises Booker for how awesome he is. Jericho comes in and makes Seinfeld references with Steph. He calls her a w**** so Booker gets in his face. They fight for the WCW Title tonight.

Regal fires up Tajiri for Regal’s match tonight with Tazz. Not sure how that works but whatever. Tajiri will be doing commentary. This should be good.

Stephanie talks to the other parts of the Triad of Terror (Shane/Heyman) about Booker’s match tonight. They announce Team Alliance for Sunday: Booker, DDP, Dudleys and Rhyno. So we have Booker, a tag team that lost to the APA, a guy that has gotten mauled by Undertaker every time it’s been fair, and a lackey to a tag team against the five best the WWF has to offer. SMELL THE BUYRATE!!!

Vince comes to the Friendly Tap, which appears to be totally empty other than Austin, Vince and Debra. He apologizes to Austin for what he asked on Thursday but he still needs Austin tonight. Austin keeps drinking and turns his back on Vince. Vince says he’s heading back tot he arena and hopes to see Austin there tonight.

Tazz vs. William Regal

Tajiri is on commentary. Apparently he did this on Smackdown as well. The brawl starts on the floor but heads inside quickly. Knee Trembler puts Tazz down but Tazz comes back with a suplex. This draws Tajiri into the ring for a showdown. Tajiri says wait and takes his shirt off to reveal an ECW one underneath. Regal is shocked…..and then Tajiri turns AGAIN, breaking Chyna’s record for time between turns. He kicks Tazz in the head and puts him in the Tarantula. That makes ECWCW 3-0 tonight, or 17-0 if you’re Michael Cole. Good to see they didn’t do the face turn at the PPV or anything like that. We HAD to do it immediately.

DDP gives Rhyno a Best of Sara tape for the Alliance to watch.

Tim White talks to Austin and says he closed the whole bar for him today. That explains a few things. White says he knows Austin will make the right decision.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. Chris Jericho

JR calls Booker a sellout. How is he a sellout exactly? He’s working for the company that made him famous. Feeling out process to start and the springboard dropkick sends Booker to the outside. Baseball slide sends Booker flying and they fight on the floor a bit. Back in a top rope cross body gets two for Chris. Booker comes back with the spinwheel kick as the announcers talk about how much they need Austin.

Jericho comes back with something kind of like a spear to set up the Walls but Shane comes up for the distraction. Booker superkicks the Canadian for two. Alabama Slam (called a powerbomb by Cole) gets two. Booker hooks a chinlock but Jericho quickly breaks it and hits a flapjack to put everyone down. Jericho chops away and a middle rope dropkick gets two. It should be three but Nick Patrick’s shoulder is bothering him.

Jericho tries the Lionsault but Booker rolls away. Chris lands on his feet and avoids the axe kick. There are the Walls and Booker taps but Nick Patrick has a knee injury this time. Earl Hebner comes in and decks Patrick. He sees the tap and goes to call for the bell but Shane hits him. The distraction lets Booker get a fast rollup with a fast count from Patrick to keep the belt in WCW.

Rating: B-. Fun match but again the ending hurts it. Jericho and Booker should be out there having 20 minute wars instead of these things to build up to a referees’ match on Sunday. That might be interesting though so we can’t have that. Anyway, good match between talented people so there’s no surprise here.

Heyman talks to Saturn in the back and offers him a spot in the Alliance. Saturn says Snausages.

Raven vs. Kurt Angle

This is under ECW Rules, meaning street fight/hardcore. Angle spears him down immediately to make him drop whatever Raven has in his hand. Kurt hits him with the medals. That’s a new one. Raven comes back with a drop toehold onto a trashcan (doesn’t dent) for two. Angle pounds him down and rips Raven’s shirt off to choke him. Sign to the head sets up a trashcan to the head and a few to the back. Raven counters into the clothesline and bulldog out of the corner (basically stolen by Punk) but Kurt breaks it with ease. Angle Slam and Ankle Lock end this. Total squash.

Angle destroys Raven post match with various evil submissions until Justin Credible, Kanyon and some other guy run out. They get cleared out without landing a single punch by a chair from Kurt. The one major bright spot in this story: it made Angle look like a STAR.

Austin shoots pool.

Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

Welcome to a game of HOW MANY TIMES CAN THESE TEAMS POSSIBLY FIGHT???? Matt is European Champion and Jeff is Hardcore Champion. Trish (dating Jeff I think) and Lita stay in the back, prompting a WE WANT LITA chant. Matt and D-Von start us off with Matt keeping control. Jeff comes in and gets taken down very quickly by the other brothers.

Bubba gets two off an elbow drop. Double flapjack puts Jeff down and it’s D-Von again. Matt offers a quick distraction so Jeff can punch Ray in the balls. It allows the hot tag to Matt and everything breaks down. Twist/Swanton combo gets two on D-Von as Ray saves. Matt tries a sunset flip but RVD comes in and holds D-Von’s arms as he goes down for the pin on Matt.

Rating: C-. Picture any Hardys vs. Dudleys match. This one wasn’t as good as whichever one you picked. In short, this feud has been PLAYED. They had the same three teams feuding in some combination or the other for over a year and a half. The same thing happened in the main event with HHH, Rock and Austin dominating everything for almost two years. People got tired of it which is why things died off.

Five Star to Jeff.

The APA isn’t happy and Vince wants to know what they’re going to do about it. Vince says that since Austin won’t be here, the rest of them have to.

Shane and Stephanie say that they’ve sold their stock to finance the Invasion. Therefore, DON’T SCREW UP. Heyman gives his usual speech which fires people up.

The APA, Taker and Vince give a speech to the WWF C Team. Taker says screw Austin so let’s do it ourselves. Angle is in there too so it’s not totally the C Team. They actually wheel in FREDDIE BLASSIE to give them a big pep talk. Does anyone actually buy that it’s this serious of a threat from a bunch of WCW jobbers and 1-2 big names?

Austin watches from the bar and leaves.

Trish Stratus vs. Terri

Terri slaps her to start but can’t handle walking so Trish giant swings her. I’m sure this match is happening for competition rather than to see Terri in a skin colored bikini right? A bulldog by Trish ends this if you’re curious.

Trish goes to strip her post match when Stacy and Torrie run in. Lita makes the save.

Diamond Dallas Page/Rhyno vs. Undertaker/Kane

The Brothers clear the ring early on. Kane and Rhyno officially get us going and the horny one takes a powerslam. This is one of those matches where everyone hits high power and high impact stuff from the bell. Taker comes in to knock Rhyno around a lot. Old School sends Rhyno to the floor and it breaks down even more. The Brothers beat on them even more and here are the Dudleys. I’m not going to bother rating it because it was far more of a brawl than a match.

Team ECWCW beats on them until Team WWF plus a bunch of guys come out. It turns into a huge battle royal and there’s another part in the parking lot. Austin is here! He beats up everyone with the pool cue but doesn’t touch the WWF guys. The ECWCW guys start to clear the ring but CUE GLASS SHATTER! Austin walks in and he clears house. He hits about ten Stunners and the Brothers are up again.

Shane and Stephanie find Blassie in the back and tell him he’ll be dead soon, just like the WWF. Gee, nice of you guys to end the show with THAT instead of Austin standing tall.

Overall Rating: D+. Where do I even begin? First and foremost, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I WANT TO BUY INVASION NOW??? Austin and Team WWF just destroyed Team WCW plus about ten other guys like it was nothing. We’re led to believe that the WWF is unbeatable which is saying a lot considering they’re outnumbered in this.

This is the Invasion in a nutshell: the WWF looks awesome, the Alliance can’t do jack, so they pick off some WWF guys who can fight for them. With what was available, why in the world would you do this? Heaven forbid that WCW looks even slightly better than WWF for 5 seconds. We can’t have that. I mean, it might make us a billion dollars.

Here’s Invasion if you’re interested:

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Monday Night Raw – July 20, 1998 – Austin Fights Monsters!

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 20, 1998
Location: Broome County Arena, Binghamton, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Fully Loaded and that means we’re six weeks from Summerslam. That’s really all that matters at the end of the day, because this PPV certainly didn’t. There are two more Brawl For All matches because someone hates me. We also have a title match and a title change which I have a story about. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Vince to open the show. He says he wants to talk about what happened when Taker became #1 contender. We get a clip of Undertaker dressing up as Kane, which makes Vince wonder where Kane was and where Undertaker got that outfit. Last week he asked and was given no answer. Now we get a clip of the ending of last week’s show where Undertaker saves the pinfall on Kane. We also get clips of the brawl to end the show.

Vince calls Taker out and wants to know what’s going on. He blasts the dead man for thinking he can do everything on his own and that he won’t take the disrespect anymore. Undertaker still won’t answer if he’s with Kane or not. Since he won’t answer, Vince makes it him vs. Kane/Mankind tonight. Before Taker leaves, Vince tries to tell Taker where to go but it’s a chokeslam instead. The Stooges come out and are beaten up too.

European Title: D’Lo Brown vs. HHH

Brown takes over early on but HHH takes him down with a quick clothesline. Rock is watching from ringside. Trips ducks his head and takes a kick to the face. Pedigree is countered but HHH clotheslines Brown to the outside. He gets in Chyna’s face and has his blocked knocked off. Back in D’Lo takes over for a few moments but HHH hits the jumping knee to the face to take over. Suplex by the Game looks to set up the knee drop but Rock trips Trips. Chyna takes care of Rock as HHH hits a powerslam. Henry comes out and Chyna meets him with a chair. Rock comes in with a Rock Bottom and D’Lo wins the title.

Rating: C-. Quick story about this match. This show was taped on the 14th. Sometime over the weekend I went to a house show where Brown was already acknowledged as champion. Based on that, I already knew that HHH was going to lose the title when this show aired. That’s probably my first experience with a spoiler. The match was nothing of note at all but it advanced the DX vs. Nation feud.

The Nation celebrates the title win.

Sunday Night Heat is coming.

Brawl For All First Round: Quebecer Pierre vs. Steve Williams

Doc destroys him and the referee calls it with seven seconds to go.

We get a clip from Val’s movie last week with Yamaguchi-san’s wife.

In the arena, Yamaguchi says that his wife is going to be punished. He treats his wife like a slave and she has to crawl through his legs and get paddled. Val runs in to make the save and leaves with Yamaguchi’s wife.

Animal vs. Skull

Oh dear. There’s no Hawk. Animal won’t get in the ring when it’s 3-1 but the DOA comes after him. Animal goes into the steps and beaten down. No match. Ellering tries to run over Animal with the motorcycle but Hawk makes the save. He gets beaten down also and the DOA stand tall as well as bald.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve Blackman

Blackman sees that he’s up against four guys so he goes to the back and comes back with Shamrock and Severn. Blackman takes him down quickly and hits a backbreaker for two. Shoulder block gets the same. A middle rope headbutt misses so Jarrett goes for the leg. Blackman kicks it off and the bicycle kick ends this. Basically a squash.

Owen runs out and sends Shamrock into the steps then runs back into the crowd.

Taker has his stuff with him and is walking out.

Cole says Taker has left. He said he’ll see us Sunday.

Here’s Austin for an interview with JR. Austin throws JR out quickly and says he wants to know which side Undertaker is on this Sunday. Vince comes out and talks about screwing, so it’s Austin taking Vince’s place tonight. Austin says there’s no point to it so he’s not fighting. Vince says if Austin doesn’t do it then Taker gets the title without a match. Austin says after he beats the monsters, Vince is next.

We get a clip from last week of Jason Sensation. That Shawn impression is scary good.

Owen Hart vs. Farrooq

Farrooq tries a quick backbreaker but Owen slips down the back and speeds things up to take control. Owen hooks a Boston Crab as this has been much closer to a squash than you would expect. Owen beats him down and grabs a mic to tell the fans he is not a nugget. Enziguri gets two. A powerslam by Farrooq gets two but Owen comes back with a missile dropkick. Farrooq actually goes up but gets crotched, setting up the Sharpshooter for the quick tap.

Rating: D+. I didn’t exactly expect a squash here. It’s not a terrible match but it being a squash was very surprising. Farrooq wouldn’t do much until forming the Acolytes (called Hell’s Henchmen at the time) with Bradshaw later in the year. Owen looked good here and would have a Dungeon Match on Sunday with Shamrock.

Shamrock runs out post match and chases Owen through the crowd.

Bearer won’t quite say whose side Taker is on. Mankind says kicking Austin in the teeth gives him pleasure.

Here are Mero and Jackie. Jackie trash talks Sable and offers her a chance to come out here and forfeit the bikini contest. Sable comes out in a maternity dress. She takes it off to reveal a bikini. Since she’s been in Playboy, this doesn’t do much. Edge comes in through the crowd and hits Mero with a Downward Spiral.

HBK comes out for commentary again.

They finally come to their senses and just show highlights of 8-Ball and Scorpio’s Brawl For All. Scorpio wins by decision.

The Nations says Rock will keep the title.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. X-Pac

DX runs in and a big brawl starts. We take a break and come back with the bell ringing. Chyna comes out as the only person at ringside. It’s power vs. speed here which isn’t something you often see with Rock. He’s a big guy but he’s never been one to use power to excess. Rock takes X-Pac down but Pac comes back with right hands. He speeds things up but Rock LAUNCHES him in a release hot shot which sends Pac to the floor.

Samoan Drop gets two as does a swinging neckbreaker. A quick chinlock sets up the People’s Elbow which only gets two. Pac grabs an X-Factor out of nowhere but he’s too spent to cover immediately. Bronco Buster hits but Pac charges into a powerslam for two. X-Pac throws him to the floor and grabs his knee to distract the referee. Chyna hits Rock with the title which gets a VERY close two. Rock’s clothesline misses and down goes the referee. A spin kick sends Rock down but here are D-Lo and HHH. HHH Pedigrees Rock after crotching Rock but a second referee runs out to say what he saw and it’s a DQ.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty rocking match before the overbooked ending. These Nation vs. DX brawls happened every week and it was cool to see a feud like this getting time, but I was hoping to see an ending to that match. Rock is a guy that isn’t big enough to make Pac’s offense look ridiculous, which means the match is a lot better. Fun stuff.

DX and the Nation get pulled apart again. The Nation is pulled to the floor and HHH gets a hot girl in the crowd to flash him. In other news, Jerry Lawler has volunteered to serve HHH for the rest of his life.

Kane/Mankind vs. Steve Austin

Austin hits Mankind with the title on the way to the ring. The tag champions don’t have to tag. Vince is watching in the back and is pleased. Austin manages to clothesline Kane to the floor and sends him into the steps. Back in a clothesline gets two on Mankind. He gets caught in the Claw though and they stumble to the floor.

Austin rams Mankind into the post but Kane is back up again. Back in and Austin hits the Thesz Press but Mankind pulls him to the floor. Back in again and a Stunner to Kane is countered. Here comes Undertaker with a chair. Mankind is now on the apron in a corner so maybe they do have to tag? Taker is in Austin’s corner and it’s back to Mankind. Foley hits Austin with a chair on the outside but his running knee in the corner misses. Austin grabs a Stunner to Mankind but Kane makes the save.

Kane tries the chokeslam but Austin kicks him low to escape. Taker pulls the chair up and swings it down but it hits Kane. Taker looks annoyed but it’s hard to say. Austin hits them all with the chair to end the show. If it wasn’t announced already, the match on Sunday is for the titles.

Rating: C+. All things considered, this was pretty entertaining stuff. The idea of Austin having to fight everyone on the planet at once was a good idea because that’s what he was best at: wild brawls that resulted in him being able to hang in there. The ending adds even more questions to the title match on Sunday, which is what the whole thing is built around.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this one better than last week’s as the idea here was to have the PPV pushed even harder, which they certainly did. If you add that to one of the Brawl for All matches being clipped to highlights, there wasn’t much wrong on this show at all. It’s not great, but it did what it needed to do which is all you can ask for most of the time.

Here’s Fully Loaded if you’re interested: