Monday Night Raw
Date: January 14, 2013
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

It’s the 20^th Anniversary celebration of Raw tonight and the main match announced so far is Eve likely dropping the Divas Title to Kaitlyn. Other than that we’ve likely got Rocky here tonight to hype up the Rumble some more, which is at least some good old fashioned PPV selling. We’re in the good season for WWE so hopefully things are on tonight. Let’s get to it.

A mash up of all the Raw openings (complete with original images) open things up. Cool stuff.

Here’s Vince in the ring to open things up. He talks about how Raw has been entertaining in 20 years and in that time, over 4 billion people have enjoyed Raw. Vince says that’s the case because he’s a certifiable genius and he thanks the fans. Apparently tonight it’s Ziggler vs. Cena in a cage and the Rock Concert 3. Vince thanks the fans again and is cut off by….Big Show?

Big Show says the show has to wait but gets in trouble for calling Vince by his first name. Vince congratulates Show for losing weight, but says that it’s just him losing the title. Vince wants to see the footage but Show wants to talk about it instead. The boss says the fans here in Houston (Cole: “Cheap pop.” Jerry: “Yep.”) want to see the footage so we get a clip of the ending with Del Rio winning the title.

Show accuses Booker T of trying to play to the Hispanic audience by helping Del Rio win the title. He mentions his iron clad contract and says it makes him better than everyone. Show wants Alberto stripped of the title which draws out the champion to what appears to be a legit pop. Ricardo has some towels with him for some reason and his cuffs aren’t buttoned. No car this week though and Del Rio has some green on his trunks and pads now. Ricardo’s towels are covering something that he’s carrying to the ring with him.

Del Rio talks about how Show didn’t like how the tables were turned on him and someone was fighting back against his bullying. Alberto says if Show has a problem, do something about it. He offers Show a rematch tonight but Show says no. He isn’t prepared tonight but Del Rio says that being a giant should make him prepared. Del Rio wants Show to show some cajones but Show says no again. Instead, Show wants it at the Rumble.

Del Rio calls him a fat jackass in Spanish but Show doesn’t like being insulted. Alberto gets the present, which is a bucket with a Mexican flag painted on it. There’s something we can’t see in it, so Show threatens to break Ricardo’s spine if he throws water on him. It’s red white and green confetti in the vein of the Harlem globetrotters. Show goes after Ricardo but Alberto takes him down with a rana (impressive) and the corner enziguri to send Show running. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Alberto is AWESOME right now.

We get a clip from Bob Barker on Raw.

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title because why would Orton care about a title? Feeling out process to start with Orton hitting a Thesz Press to send Wade to the floor. Orton belly to backs him onto the barricade which gets two back inside. There’s the Orton Circle Stomp and a clothesline sends Barrett to the floor as we take a break. Back with Barrett holding a chinlock until Orton elbows out of it.

Wade comes back with some hard forearms and the boot in the ropes for two. Back to the chinlock but Orton elbows out of it again. Orton fires off his finishing sequence (clotheslines, powerslam, backbreaker, Elevated DDT) but the RKO is countered with Randy’s shoulder going into the post. Wade loads up the Bull Hammer….and gets the 100% clean pin at 10:31. I didn’t see that coming at all.

Rating: C+. I’m genuinely surprised by that ending and not complaining about it at all. Orton is at the level where a loss isn’t going to hurt him and might even push his heel turn a bit further. One thing though: why not make this for the title? If Barrett is going to win, why not put the title on the line? It would just make Barrett look better as champion, so why not do it?

Eve is told that if she tries to get counted out or disqualified she’s stripped of the title. She tries to seduce Booker to get out of it and he cracks up. Eve slaps Teddy as a result.

It’s time for Bryan and Kane’s four month followup on anger management. They agree to lie to Shelby and say whatever he wants to hear. Shelby starts with a group hug and asks what they like about each other. Bryan likes that Kane is tall, can light things on fire by lowering his arms, and Kane’s dancing abilities. Kane likes that Bryan is agile, has a great beard, and isn’t afraid to admit that sometimes he wears women’s clothing. Shelby says everything is ok and they can go, but there’s one more thing.

He calls someone and says send them in and here are the Rhodes Scholars. They’re going to cause an anger trigger (with Sandow correcting the doctor of course) and HELL NO needs to not freak out. Cody winds up ripping on Shelby and ask what his credentials are. Damien says Shelby is a worse doctor than Dr. Phil. Shelby: “GET EM!!!” HELL NO beats up the Scholars and Kane gets in his usual great line of “Now THAT’S what I call a happy place!”

Kane vs. Damien Sandow

Kane pulls him in to start and fires off the uppercuts. Side slam gets two but Kane goes up for the clothesline and Sandow bails to the floor. Damien sends him into the apron to take over and hits the Wind-Up Elbow for two but jumps into the chokeslam for the pin at 1:58. Ok then.

Here’s Mick Foley as the first inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2013. This was announced on WWE.com over the weekend so this isn’t a huge shock. After the cheap pop here’s the Shield to interrupt. Foley wisely bails and here’s Ryback for the weekly 3-1 fight with the Shield. Orton and Sheamus run in as well and Ambrose gets a Shell Shock.

Without going to a break or anything else happening, here’s a REPLAY OF WHAT WE JUST WATCHED. Josh goes into the ring to talk to Ryback, who says that Shield has kept the title on Punk three times now. Ryback doesn’t care about conspiracy theories because he can’t rest until he needs to give the Shield back what they took from him. FEED HIM SHIELD.

We get a clip of some of the weird gimmicks we’ve seen over the years. I had hoped to forget some of these.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

If Eve gets disqualified or counted out she loses the title. Kaitlyn sends her to the floor to start so the champ hides a bit. Kaitlyn is the hometown girl tonight so it’s pretty clear what’s going down here. Eve knocks her down and hits her running flip splash as we hear about Lamb Chop for no apparent reason. Off to a triangle choke from Eve but Kaitlyn makes a rope.

The reverse DDT gets two and Kaitlyn seemingly dives onto Eve’s knee. The spinning neckbreaker gets two for Kaitlyn so Eve pounds away a bit. Kaitlyn’s gutbuster hits but it sends Eve to the floor. The challenger follows her out and gets whipped into the barricade. Eve puts her over the barricade but Kaitlyn sneaks back in and spears Eve for the title at 5:35.

Rating: D+. This was better than any of their other matches but at the end of the day I have no reason to care about either of these girls anymore. Word on the street is that Eve is gone after this so I guess this is the passing of the torch. Am I supposed to care more now because Kaitlyn wins after not being able to win the title after like four tries? At least they finally did the freaking switch.

Brodus says Punk’s comments last week shouldn’t have been said and he’ll shut Punk up next.

Donald Trump bought Raw once.

Brodus Clay vs. CM Punk

Brodus sends Punk to the floor and pounds on him in the corner like a Funkasaurus would do but Punk gets his knees up in the corner. There’s the springboard clothesline and a neckbreaker to put Brodus down. Off to a cravate by Punk but Brodus suplexes Punk down. Some clotheslines put Punk down and there’s the running headbutt to the chest. Clay misses a splash in the corner though and Punk kicks him down. The top rope elbow sets up the Anaconda Vice for the tap out at 3:40.

Rating: C. Better match than I was expecting here as Clay got to show off a bit before losing as he was destined to do. Also he didn’t tap immediately which was a nice touch as it made him look a bit tougher. I like Brodus a lot so seeing him on Raw more is always a good thing for me. Good stuff here.

Punk talks about how Rock is going to be out here later and the people have the right to like either Rock or Punk better. However, they don’t have the right to have their own facts. Punk has the most important title in the world and has had it for over 400 days. Fact. Later tonight, Rock is going to come out here and “entertain” the people, but at the Rumble, Punk is going to beat him. Basic promo here.

We get a package on moments involving vehicles on Raw.

Foley is on the phone with his kids and says that he wasn’t scared out there. Rock shows up so Mick hangs up on his kids. Foley extends his hand but Rock says he doesn’t want a handshake. Rock hugs Foley instead. That’s more like it. Mick steals the FINALLY line a few times and tries to get Rock to bite on it which he finally does.

Vickie interrupts and says they’re loud. She yells at both of them and Rock says he has nothing to say to her. Foley: “Holy pec pop of love Rock I thought you were going to lay the verbal Smackdown on her.” Rock: “Trust me.” Foley: “You Rock Bottomed me last year.” Rock: “No one remembers that!” Rock says to pay attention to the Rock Concert later.

Sheamus vs. 3MB

This is an over the top rope challenge. JBL: “This isn’t fair.” Cole: “To Sheamus?” JBL: “No.” The band beats on Sheamus to start but he fights them off with ease. Sheamus hits a Regal Roll on McIntyre onto Mahal but can’t get Drew out. All three put him on the ropes but he easily fights them off. Mahal goes up like an idiot and gets knocked out. McIntyre gets backdropped out but Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick to send himself to the apron. He pulls Slater onto the top rope but the other members pull Sheamus to the floor, giving 3MB the win at 3:10. No rating for this due to obvious reasons.

Slater gets on Drew’s shoulders but Sheamus gets back in. He kicks Drew’s leg out and kicks Slater’s head off. Mahal gets one for good measure. Sore loser!

Cena says we should be talking about a huge list of people (including the Bashams and Braden Walker) instead of Big E. Langston. He gives a VERY fast history of his character and says tonight he’s beating Ziggler.

Here’s Miz who promises a HOF member on MizTV. He gives us a hint: WOO!

Back from a break and the guest is Flair. Wow that’s not really surprising at all. Miz asks Flair what his favorite moment on Raw is and that would be his retirement ceremony. Flair doesn’t want to talk about the past though, because he’d rather talk about Ryback taking down the Shield. Flair is wearing the Rolex Shawn gave him and they have a “really” off. Flair dances a bit and Miz says that was kind of awesome. More WOOing ensues and we get a video package on people with interesting ways of speaking, which is basically just a bunch of catchphrases, many of which are from the last three years or so.

After the video, Miz says that there’s one missing. Miz tries to give Flair hints about who it is and Flair can’t say it because this show is PG. “I got four ex-wives son I need a job right now.” Flair goes into his limousine riding bit until Cesaro comes out with an American flag. Cesaro says these two embody America like no one else: a failed reality TV star more focused on fame than greatness and a sixteen time world champion who made ten million dollars but spent twenty. Flair: “Thirty million brother.”

Cesaro holds up the Horsemen sign but says that’s only for Flair’s four ex-wives. Miz says he’ll pay Flair’s bar tab tonight and give Cesaro the receipt right now. Cesaro says he’ll walk away but Flair starts chopping him. Miz hits the Finale to leave the champion laying. Flair loads up the Figure Four but lets Miz do it instead.

Mike Tyson was on Raw in 1998. That was huge to put it mildly.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan

Cody pounds away a bit, JBL asks about caterpillars, Cole tells us facts that no one cares about, the NO Lock ends this in 75 seconds.

Eve quits WWE. That’s legit apparently.

AJ shows us some wedding videos, culminating in AJ saying yes to Vince’s GM offer to her. AJ says she lost everything because of Cena. Ziggler comes in to promise to take everything from Cena. He says he’ll steal the show tonight but I’m not buying this for the most part.

Here’s JR to a nice ovation to call the cage match.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena

This is No DQ because that has to be mentioned in cage matches now apparently. There are the usual three ways to win this too. Ziggler tries to escape quickly but gets pulled down and hit with a release fisherman’s suplex for one. Off to a chinlock by Cena but Ziggler comes back with a dropkick to take over. A corner splash and a pair of neckbreakers result in no cover for Dolph. Ziggler tries a third neckbreaker but has to escape the AA instead.

A Downward Spiral into a Stunner gets two for Ziggler but Cena grabs a slingshot to send Dolph into the cage. Ziggler tries to climb but Cena rams him into the cage to take over as we go to a break. Back with both guys on top of the cage but Cena falling down to the ropes. Ziggler dropkicks Cena back into the ring for two to take over. Apparently during the break Cena was out but Langston blocked his feet from hitting the ground in an impressive power display.

Cena comes back and fires away on Ziggler before trying the AA. Ziggler grabs the cage and nearly loses his trunks but escapes anyway. A fast superkick puts Cena down for two but Ziggler can’t get out of the door. Langston and Cena get in a tug of war with Ziggler but Cena pulls him back inside for the STF. Ziggler counters the hold into the sleeper in an impressive move. Cena manages to climb to the top rope while still in the hold and falls down onto his back, breaking the hold in the process.

John goes for the door but Langston slams the door on his head, giving Ziggler a two count. Ziggler goes for the door but Cena climbs over the top. Cena slams the door on Dolph’s head but Big E. is waiting on Cena with a chair. John gets back in and gets caught in a Zig Zag for two. Ziggler goes to the top of the cage but Cena easily pulls him down.

Ziggler runs the ropes to hit a running DDT off the second rope for two more. These near falls are awesome. AJ freaks out and breaks the announce table before climbing the cage. The distraction lets Langston come in with the briefcase but Dolph clocks him with it by mistake. A very fast AA gives Cena the pin at 16:35.

Rating: B. Good match here but Cena beating Ziggler is old news at this point. To be fair though, this is a huge show and you should have Cena win on something this big. The guy is the most popular star in the company (well, regular star in the company), so having him featured and winning at a show this important is fine.

Here’s Rock to close the show. He shows us a picture of himself on his first appearance on the show. “What was I thinking??? The Rock looks like an escaped mental patient about to audition for the Backstreet Boys.” The first song is set to the tune of Heartbreak Hotel and makes fun of Paul Heyman for being fat. A member of ZZ Top is in the audience tonight. Rock calls out to the ladies and says his favorite curve on a woman is her smile. He invites Vickie out and here she is, very timid to say the least.

Rock’s next song is a rendition of You Look Wonderful Tonight, but with the word horrible swapped for wonderful. “You look like a hooker, but not the expensive kind.” After Vickie leaves, Rock gets down to business by calling out Punk. With Heyman and Punk on the stage, Rock says it’s a fact that Punk has been unstoppable for 421 days. Last week Punk said Rock would be boxing with God at the Rumble. Rock says Punk isn’t God, but as God as his witness, he’s taking the title at the Rumble. Punk charges the ring and the fight is on! They’re pulled apart to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a hard one to rate. The show certainly was good, but I’m not sure if it was more good or less non bad if that makes sense. The show felt like a big episode of Raw with some history thrown in, which is ok but it didn’t come off as a big blowaway show. At the end of the day, having every show be three hours long takes away from specials feeling special, which is a problem they’re going to have to deal with. It’s definitely a good show, but it falls way short of being great.

Results

Wade Barrett b. Randy Orton – Bull Hammer

Kane b. Damien Sandow – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres – Spear

CM Punk b. Brodus Clay – Anaconda Vice

3MB b. Sheamus – Slater eliminated Sheamus

Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – NO Lock

John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 13, 2003
Location: Mohegan Sun Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Rumble and things aren’t looking up at all. We’ve got Steiner vs. HHH for the title on Sunday, along with a bunch of Raw guys in the Rumble who shouldn’t even bother showing up. As for tonight, expect more from HHH and Steiner without them actually having physical contact because it might keep people from wanting to buy the show. Let’s get to it.

I’ve already done the following week’s Raw and the review is available at the end if you’re interested.

We open with Morely and Bischoff worrying about Vince being here. Some referees come up and complain about being mistreated. The word strike is being mentioned. Oh this story. I was hoping to forget it but it rears its head again. Morely leaves with them to smooth things over when Steiner comes up, saying he wants to fight HHH tonight. Instead, Bischoff makes it a bench press contest. Steiner yells, sounding exactly like his brother. Bischoff wants a controversy free show. Uh….doesn’t that make the show boring?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jacqueline

Victoria is defending and this is hardcore for no apparent reason. I always forget how great Victoria looked back in this era. She has Steven Richards with him here still which I’m sure will play into the ending. There are trashcans full of weapons in each corner. Victoria finds a cardboard standup of Trish which she tears up to get heat. Trish is quickly taken down and Jackie botches a headscissors on the champ.

Trish beats up Victoria and Steven with a kendo stick but gets slammed onto a trashcan lid. The champ misses a moonsault and Jackie gets the most silent near falls you will ever hear. Steven trips both challengers and misses a trashcan lid shot to Trish but it’s close enough for Victoria to retain the title. This was one of the worst matches I can remember in YEARS with Jackie’s parts being eerily silent. It’s too short to rate but this would set some kind of record for worst rating in years.

Richards DDTs Trish post match and but Hurricane of all people makes the save.

The Dudleys come up to yell at Morely and Bischoff because of everything he’s put them through lately. Morely tries to play tough guy and gets beaten up, so Bischoff fires the Dudleys. Eric fires them so they threaten to go to Smackdown, which gets them rehired but suspended without pay. They would get the tag titles back on Sunday anyway, making this entire segment entirely pointless.

Maven/Test vs. D’Lo Brown/Christopher Nowitski

Test gets double teamed to start until Chris gets to pound on him a bit. Again Test gets double teamed but has a bit better success this time and brings in Maven who winds up getting caught in a spinebuster by Nowitski. Brown gets two off a flapjack and it’s back to Nowitski. Maven gets beaten down even more as this is going NOWHERE. Cold tag brings in Test and house is cleaned but Chris saves Brown from a pumphandle powerslam. The big boot misses Brown and sends Test to the floor before Maven walks into the Sky High. He isn’t legal though so Test comes in and kicks Brown’s head off for the pin.

Rating: F+. Stacy looked great in the dress and that’s the extent of anything positive about this match. Other than that, there was NOTHING going on here at all with four guys that no one cared about having a boring match. That basically sums up Raw in a single sentence: a bunch of boring matches that no one cares about.

Eric greets a limo but it has Mean Gene inside. He’s here to plug the Tenth Anniversary of Raw tomorrow night (that’s coming), and for no apparent reason this aired during a commercial. Gene takes a jab at Nitro and that’s it. Jericho comes up and wants to be #1 in the Rumble but gets shot down for no apparent reason. Yeah expect to hear the words “for no apparent reason” a lot in 2003.

Regal rips on Jerry Lawler’s book.

Jerry Lawler vs. William Regal

Before the match, Regal reads a passage from Jerry’s book. The bell rings and Regal has to be checked for a weapon. For some reason that takes three referees. They find brass knuckles and check Storm as well, finding ANOTHER pair of knuckles. Storm gets ejected and Lawler pulls a chain out of his boot. He knocks Regal out cold and gets caught for a DQ. The punch was the only contact of the “match.” I’ve got FIFTY MORE WEEKS of this show.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Raven vs. Jeff Hardy

Raven has trunks and a BIG haircut now. Bird Boy gets a fast two as does Jeff in a feeling out process. I can barely recognize Raven like this. Jeff charges at Raven and they fall to the floor. Back in and Raven takes over by going after the leg which is a new thing for him. Jeff fights him off but misses a fast moonsault which gets two for Raven. Off to a spinning toe hold on Hardy but Jeff comes back with a mule kick. The jawbreaker slows Raven down and there’s a spinwheel kick. They botch….something, resulting in Jeff getting sent into the buckle in a slingshot. Hardy blocks the DDT and hits Raven’s legs with the Swanton for the pin.

Rating: D. Raven would be gone in a week which is a shame because Hardy looked horrible here. He was missing almost whatever he tried while Raven was trying to throw in some psychology to keep things coherent. Terrible match and Jeff would be cone in about three months due to burnout. Well that and not showing up to a lot of shows.

Vince arrives and talks to Orton for a few seconds. The shoulder is at 94%.

Sean O’Haire talks about cheating on your wife in the Devil’s Advocate gimmick. Sweet goodness that thing had potential, but what the people were wanting was Roddy Piper vs. Rikishi right?

Here’s Vince with an announcement but the Dudleys come out sans music. They respect Vince but think Eric is a piece of crap. Vince doesn’t like being interrupted….so he lifts their suspension and gives them a title shot at the Rumble. To recap, in an hour they’ve been fired, rehired, suspended, reinstated and given a title shot. Vince wants to see tables on Sunday.

He tries to make the announcement again but Jericho cuts him off. Jericho sucks up to Vince but Vince proposes that Jericho SHUT UP. Basically Jericho wants to be #1 in the Rumble but Eric won’t let him, so Vince says the winner of the over the top challenge tonight gets to pick whatever spot he wants in the Rumble except #1, which goes to Shawn. For some reason, that makes a difference to Jericho but he leaves anyway.

For the third time now Vince tries to make an announcement but Eric interrupts him. Vince yells at him and says that he wants to say something about the tenth anniversary show. Since Eric can’t control his roster though, maybe it’s time for a public job evaluation. Vince things Eric has been doing a good job but that’s not why he was hired. Eric was hired to shake up Raw but he hasn’t done that. Vince: “I hired you to grab Raw by the throat and choke it until it spit up a phlegm that got all over everybody.” Eric has thirty days to change Raw, which wound up being Austin returning. If not, Eric is fired.

Post break, Eric begs Vince for more time and says no one can do this job perfectly. Vince says someone can and Shane McMahon pops out of the limo.

Booker T vs. Lance Storm

Booker takes over to stat with a slam and a knee drop to the chest but Storm gets in a few shots in the corner to take over. Booker comes back with his spinning sunset flip out of the corner for one, only to have to escape the Sharpshooter attempt. A hook kick to Storm’s face gets two and it’s off to an armbar. Storm whips him into the corner for two and gets the same off a backbreaker. We hit the chinlock to kill some time before Booker makes his comeback with a bunch of chops. The side kick misses and the referee goes down without any contact. Not that it matters as the Dudleys run in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. That’s likely good for match of the night. The Dudleys getting a title shot doesn’t make a ton of sense, especially when Goldust and Booker got screwed out of the titles just a week before this. But then again, it worked three years ago so clearly it can work now too right? The match was another dull one.

Some Smackdown guys are at The World, which is the WWE version of WWF New York.

Steven Richards vs. Hurricane

Set up earlier, meaning Trish and Victoria are with the guys here. Steven’s suplex is countered and Hurricane takes him down with a clothesline. Hurricane hits the Blockbuster (minus most of the flip) and the Eye of the Hurricane for the pin in less than 90 seconds. The girls are fighting on the floor and Trish gets beaten down.

Post match Trish kicks Victoria down. What was the point of this again?

Nathan Jones is coming. He wouldn’t last long.

We run down the Rumble card.

It’s time for the Bench Press Challenge. Each guy gets three reps and the best max wins. Steiner comes out and brags about winning everything HHH has thrown at him. He says put 585lbs on to start and we take a break. Post break here’s the champion in a suit. Instead of going to the bench press area by the stage, he goes to the ring to talk.

HHH says that he’s been planing games with Steiner (DUH) and that Scott is just another guy who is coming to try to knock HHH off the top. Just like Rock, Austin, Hogan, Undertaker and everyone else, he’ll lose. Steiner says let’s fight and eventually strips HHH down to his underwear. The match was going to suck and everyone knew it.

Kane vs. Batista vs. Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam

This is a four man battle royal and the winner gets to pick their number on Sunday. The power guys pair off as do the other two with Van Dam going shoulder first into the post. Batista and Jericho team up on Kane but Van Dam makes the save. Kane kicks Batista in the face before having a staredown with Van Dam. Instead Kane chokeslams Jericho and goes Hi/Low on Batista with Van Dam.

Rob kicks Jericho’s face off but Batista goes off on everyone and spears Kane down. Jericho hits Kane low and Batista clotheslines the tall guy out. Chris tries to put Batista out and gets powerbombed for his efforts. Van Dam kicks Batista out but Batista breaks up the Five Star, allowing Jericho to get the win.

Rating: D. This was a lot of standing around for about six minutes and then thirty seconds of action at the end. Having a match to pick anything other than the 30^th spot is pretty stupid as WHY WOULD YOU WANT ANYTHING BUT THIRTY??? Bad match with a stupid premise, which I’m sure you’ll hear a lot more of.

Jericho picks #2 like an idiot, only to have Shawn come out and throw Jericho over the top to end the show with a TON of pyro.

Overall Rating: D-. What in the name of all things good and holy have I gotten myself into? This was HORRIBLE, with absolutely no good matches and a stupid major segment that wound up being nothing but a HHH promo and a lame brawl. After the Rumble, things have to get better. Mania 19 was considered a classic so things have to get better leading up to that……right? Right? Someone please tell me that’s right so I don’t sob uncontrollably.

Here’s the Rumble if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

Here’s the January 20^th Raw if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/01/21/monday-night-raw-january-20-2003-whoever-requested-this-start-running-now/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As I said in the start of the 1997 series, there’s no need to wait to get this year over with. In short, this is probably the worst year for Raw ever, with Evolution dominating the show from February through the end of the year and making no one but themselves happy. Other than that….there’s nothing. Seriously, Evolution DOMINATES this year of Raw and it’s nothing I’m looking forward to doing. We’ll do looking at two shows each time here as usual. Let’s get to it.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 6, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re less than two weeks away from the Rumble and I believe Scott Steiner has been announced as the challenger. If not then that’ll come tonight, but I’m pretty sure he’s called out HHH and the stupid contests have started. The theory was that the two of them were kept apart to build intrigue, but the reality likely was that WWE was scared of people seeing how bad Steiner was. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about HHH saying that he’s not afraid of Steiner. Last week the Game called Steiner out and we got an arm wrestling match. Steiner let HHH get an early advantage then smiled at him like an evil villain. Yeah for reasons that were never fathomed, WWE brought in Scott Steiner, one of the most insane heels ever, as a top face. 2003 was a stupid year.

I miss Across the Nation.

Tonight it’s a POSE DOWN! Geez didn’t they get that this sucked from Warrior and Rude?

The Dudleys come out for a match but here are Eric Bischoff and his Chief of Staff Morely (Val Venis). Eric promises changes for this year, including one in the attitude. We get a clip of JR/Lawler vs. Lance Storm/William Regal which saw JR get beaten down until the Dudleys made the save, hit a 3D on Regal, and give JR the pin. Eric says that he won’t be disrespected like that, so the Dudleys get to have a No DQ handicap match.

3 Minute Warning/Rico/Batista vs. Dudley Boys

Flair is with Batista too so it’s basically 5-2. Jamal gets backdropped to the floor as Batista hangs out on the floor. I wonder if D-Von and Batista’s past will be mentioned. There’s a fast 3D to Rico but the stupid Dudleys don’t cover him, allowing Batista to come in and clean house. Bubba gets sent to the floor and Chief Morely gets in some shots of his own. Everyone not named Batista beats on Bubba on the floor and there’s a spinebuster to D-Von.

Bischoff and Morely come into the ring and demand that the referee counts D-Von, but Batista pulls him up at two. Bubba gets back in but walks into a suplex from Rosey. Now Flair gets in and puts Bubba in the Figure Four as Jamal hits a top rope splash for good measure. D-Von takes a Samoan Drop and the Batista Bomb finally ends this.

Rating: D+. This was an angle which is fine, but it doesn’t really exactly make for an interesting segment. Batista was just midcard muscle with Flair as a manager at this point, but Evolution was coming soon. The Bischoff regime got old in a hurry and here he came off as just another corrupt boss. Not much here but it was a good beating.

Bischoff slaps D-Von post match.

Post break Storm and Regal come out and yell at JR and King. The evil foreigners go down and beat up the Dudleys a bit more. This is officially overkill now. Regal busts Bubba open with brass knuckles.

HHH is admiring his chest in a mirror when Flair comes in. He talks about the project coming along nicely and praises HHH’s body. Last week HHH had a bad arm from Armageddon but still competed anyway. HHH admires himself on the cover of Flex Magazine until Steiner comes in to talk trash.

Victoria/Molly Holly vs. Jacqueline/Trish Stratus

Victoria is Women’s Champion and has T.A.T.U.’s All the Things She Said as her music here still. Jackie and the champ start things off with Victoria getting kicked in the ribs a few times. Molly kicks Jackie in the back and comes in off the top with an ax handle. Jackie takes a Muta handspring elbow in the corner, followed by a pretty awesome looking Boston Crab/Camel Clutch combo from the villains.

Victoria misses a moonsault and there’s the hot tag to Trish. The Chick Kick gets two on the champ and Molly is sent to the floor. Stratusfaction is escaped so Trish tries a rollup, only to have Steven Richards come in and reverse it, letting Victoria grab a handful of tights for the pin on Trish.

Rating: C. This was one of the better Divas matches I can remember in a good while. It’s amazing what happens when you take talented people and Jackie and let them do their stuff. Trish and Victoria had a solid rivalry which was as intense as you would get for the girls. Decent stuff here but it was short.

Booker and Goldust talk about how they don’t want Bischoff in charge anymore. They’ll defend the titles later too.

Bischoff is mad.

Here’s Jericho with something to say about Shawn Michaels. Jericho wants to go back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year and he’s going to do just that. He knows he’s the best in the world and doesn’t need the title to prove it. However, Jericho wants the title back so he is officially in the Royal Rumble. This brings out Shawn who says that he isn’t here to get on Jericho’s nerves but rather to talk to Jericho about their similarities.

Jericho is just like Shawn in that he needs the title to prove that he’s the best to the people in the audience, the boys in the back, and himself. If Jericho wants to prove that he’s the best, he needs to start the Rumble at #1, go on to win the Rumble, and win the world title at Wrestlemania. THEN, Shawn will think he’s the best. We get some flat out lies about history, as Jericho says Shawn is the only man to start at #1 and “last the whole hour” to win the Rumble. That was the year of one minute intervals, meaning from bell to bell the match was less than 40 minutes long.

Jericho says that he won the title by beating guys Shawn could never beat, ignoring that Shawn wrestled the two guys a combined ONE time (he never fought Rock) and the time he faced Austin he had a broken back. Shawn says he’ll be #1 to show Jericho how it’s done. If Jericho wants to be the best, he has to go through Shawn to do it. Jericho wants to fight right now, but gets interrupted by BREAKING RNN NEWS!

This was Orton’s gimmick at the time as he had an injured shoulder and would cut into the broadcasts with updates about his injury, ranging from how well he could move it to updates on his chaffing from the sling. He’s actually in the arena tonight and says that his shoulder is at 93% mobility! Orton says he has a better comeback story than Shawn and he’s the new sexy boy as a result. A single punch takes Orton down and Jericho takes Shawn down. RVD comes in for the save but Orton pops up and Van Dam gets double teamed. Now Christian comes in but Kane is out to even the odds and clear the ring.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Goldust/Booker T

Goldie and Booker are defending. Booker and Storm start things off with the champion slamming him down and dropping a knee for no cover. Off to Goldie for a forearm off the top but Storm hits him in the face to bring in Regal. Goldust shoulders him down as Bischoff is watching in the back. Back to Booker for more punches in the corner until Storm makes the save.

We hit a chinlock as the match is already going nowhere. A running knee to the side of Booker’s head allows Storm to come in for a cravate. Booker finally fights out and kicks Lance down, allowing for the not hot tag to Goldust. House is cleaned and a powerslam gets two on Storm. Everything breaks down and Goldust takes both guys down. Storm gets caught in a modified Hart Attack but Regal takes the referee out.

The champs and referee are both out on the floor and we take a break. Back with Storm kicking a charging Booker in the face. During the break Chief Morely took over as guest referee. Storm accidentally superkicks said guest referee but there’s no one to count. The third referee runs in to count two on Storm after a Booker spinebuster. Off to Goldust for his hard slaps in the corner but the challengers bail to the floor.

Goldie charges after Storm and runs into a clothesline from Regal. This match continues to be dull stuff. Regal pounds away on Goldust a bit more until it’s off to Storm for another chinlock. This one doesn’t last long and it’s off to Booker for hopefully the last hot tag of the night. Mr. T. cleans house and there’s a Spinarooni followed by an ax kick for two on Storm. Morely pulls the third referee out of the ring and a brass knuckles shot from Regal knocks out Booker for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. It was long, but MAN was this boring. At the end of the day it was pretty clear that the titles were going to change here due to the odds and Bischoff needing to dominate the entire show, which makes it even worse. As usual, a team loses in a joke last week and wins the titles the next week. Also, how overbooked was this match? Nothing to see here.

Post match the new champions suck up to Bischoff and Morely.

A famous Raw moment (for the ten year anniversary) is Sabel removing a sack she had to wear to reveal a bikini.

Test vs. Christopher Nowitski

Nowitski has D’Lo Brown with him because Brown is an intelligent black man. Seriously, that’s the explanation we got from him. Nowitski goes after the arm to start as Stacy (Test’s manager) plays cheerleader. Test sends him into the corner and starts his comeback, takes out Brown, and wins with the Test Drive (Cross Rhodes). I would say nothing here but Stack is rocking a blue dress.

Brown takes Test out post match.

Christian tells Jericho that he’s in the Rumble too. Jericho says that means Christian can help him win. This leads to an argument over who is better and who has better tattoos. Orton comes in and says chill because he’s in their corner for the tag match against RVD and Kane tonight. Orton stops to admire himself in a mirror after the Canadians leave.

Scott Steiner was on the cover of a muscle magazine two and a half years ago.

We recap the arm wrestling stuff from two weeks ago.

HHH oils himself up.

It’s time for the pose down because that’s what we need for the major segment of this show. HHH brags a lot and picks six “fans” from the front row to judge this. They have scorecards of either HHH or Steiner so it’s just winner and loser rather than scores. What do you want me to say for this? They pose, Steiner is better, they do another pose. All six judges vote for HHH so Steiner yells.

HHH wants a PUSH-UP CONTEST now, so Steiner gets on the mat and gets beaten up before he fights all six guys off. You wouldn’t think this took seventeen minutes would you? Well it didn’t. It took seventeen AND A HALF minutes. Seriously, that’s all I had to say about it. Oh and good to see Steiner beat up six fans. I can’t wait to sit through his arraignment, LIVE!

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. Christian/Chris Jericho

Shawn and Orton are the seconds here. We come back from a break to start the brawl, which sees the good guys clearing out the ring. Van Dam gets launched over the top onto the Canadians until we officially start with Jericho vs. RVD. Christian comes in and takes Van Dam down with some choking before it’s back to Jericho. After a kick gets two we hit a bow and arrow hold on Rob.

Jericho pulls him down by the hair and it’s back to Christian. Rob gets sent to the floor where a melee breaks out, resulting in Shawn superkicking Orton. Jericho sends him into the steps in retaliation as we continue to fly through this match. RVD causes Jericho to go shoulder first into the post and kicks Christian down before making the hot tag.

Everything breaks down and Chris breaks up the chokeslam. Christian gets two off a reverse DDT but a Conchairto misses the masked one. Shawn pulls Jericho to the floor and they fight into the crowd. Rob hits a top rope kick to Christian’s face and there’s a chokeslam to set up the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C-. It was exciting but it went way too fast. I guess this is supposed to be a Rumble preview match or something but it didn’t work at all due to how little time they had. Gee, I’m sure there was nothing else they could have cut to make more time. I know it was a letdown after the posing but they tried out there.

Bischoff says it’s Regal vs. Lawler next week but he gets a phone call. Apparently Vince is going to be here next week.

Overall Rating: D. Let’s see: no good matches, two storylines dominating the show, and seventeen and a half minutes spent so HHH could show off his physique. We’re in 2003 all right. This is only going to get worse over the next few weeks as Steiner vs. HHH would somehow get TWO PPV matches together. Hopefully things pick up with Vince back next week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As I said earlier, Raw turned 20 today.  I can’t let that go by with just a single sentence.This isn’t going to be a full on article or anything but rather just a few thoughts on the show.  When Raw debuted, it marked the death nail for Saturday Night’s Main Event as there was no point to the show from then on.  One of the things I think people don’t remember about Raw is that for the first two years or so, the show SUCKED.  There were rarely big matches, only a handful of title changes, and it was easily the B show to Superstars for a long time.  1993-1995 weren’t good years for the WWF as they were trying to find a new identity with Hogan leaving (I don’t think he appeared on Raw until 2002 unless I’m forgetting something which I likely am), and Raw wasn’t the place where that would happen for a few years.

Obviously I don’t think anyone guessed it would become what it is today, but it’s still amazing to think how much things have changed since the show started in that hole called the Manhattan Center.  Today you have Raw in arenas that hold 20,000 people, or about ten times what the Center could hold.  It took them awhile to get out of those smaller places though.  Raw didn’t get to MSG until September of 1997.  Those old shows still have a charm to them though, as it was still something so new and revolutionary (being live even semi-weekly was a big deal back then), even though the shows mostly sucked.

Those of you that haven’t checked the earlier shows out, track a few down.  They’re a far cry from what you see today and resemble ROH TV, but they’re still the foundation of what the WWF was back then, which makes them at least interesting to see.  Raw has come a long way and has been anywhere from must see TV to “can we find a good test pattern instead of this garbage?”, but it’s always been on, which says a lot.  It’s still worth seeing, just not at three hours every week.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Raw.  I’ve never missed a single episode and I don’t plan to anytime soon.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Well since it’s the anniversary of this, why not do it? Raw more or less ended SNME which I’ll do that last original episode soon enough, as in about an hour from now. This is the show that completely revolutionized wrestling as it was the first show to be aired weekly on prime time cable. The production values were WAY up also as the lighting and the effects were stuff that was unheard of. We’re gearing up for the 93 Rumble which kind of sucked but whatever. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney who I didn’t think had a job at this point welcomes us to the show and keeps Heenan from coming in. This would become a running joke on the first few shows until Monsoon threw him out of the company. The arena looks small but cool. Rob Bartlett was a comedian from the Don Imus show and he is easily the worst announcer of all time but to be fair, I’ve read some comments from him since and he completely admits that he was awful, so at least he’s not delusional.

Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna

Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They swear on the air which might be a first. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.

Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it.

Ad for the Rumble.

We get a prerecorded interview from Heenan who talks about Perfect being scared of Narcissus, who was more commonly known as Luger. Heenan is WAY too excited about Luger.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

The Executioners are masked jobbers as if it matters. That goofy clown as Vince calls him is at ringside and gets too much attention. Apparently his name is Doink. As for the match, are you really expecting anything other than total destruction? Apparently Mitch Ferhat, a former Buffalo Bill, is coming to the WWF. He never got there. The Steiner Bulldog ends it.

Rating: N/A. It was more or less the same thing as we got a match earlier, but with two guys instead of one. This is fine as it establishes two dominant forces for new fans which is a good idea.

A woman says that she’s Bartlett’s aunt. Naturally it’s Heenan in drag. This simply does not get old.

Razor Ramon comes out for a “special” interview. He’s fighting Bret for the title at the Rumble in case you didn’t know. It’s exactly what you would expect it to be as it’s just Ramon talking about Bret and how he’ll win the title and we see a clip of him beating up Owen on Superstars, which is why Owen isn’t here tonight.

Ad for Headlock on Hunger, which was a charity thing they were doing at the time to feed hungry people in Somalia.

Tatanka likes the Headlock on Hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels

Max Moon may or may not have been Konnan. Shawn is just getting used to being a midcard deal so don’t expect much here. I don’t think it’s him here as it might be Paul Diamond, who was one of the Orient Express. We get more and more New York jokes from Bartlett that only a handful of people would get. He was great on a morning talk show but WAY off on a wrestling show.

They get the three un line here twice in one match as they try so hard to get that over as a tagline before they realized it sucked. Bartlett, in something that blows my mind, does an impression of Mike Tyson calling into the show from prison. This goes on over two minutes. Make that three. THEY’RE STILL DOING IT.

Seriously they did this for half of the match. Is this supposed to be funny or something? Am I supposed to be amused? After what felt like forever, Shawn hits the kick and that stupid suplex that he was using as his finisher at the time for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was an average match, but it had the DUMBEST commentary in recorded history. The match gets bonus points for being ok with those voices going though so there we are.

Ad for WWF Mania, a Saturday morning show.

Gene does the control center for the Rumble, which more or less is him talking about the major matches and we get promos from some of the guys in said matches, in this case Shawn and Marty. This is short but it was very effective at summarizing the entire show into a 3 minute video. Well done. We run down some people in the Rumble and get comments from Perfect. Ok now this needs to end as it’s about five minutes now. This was the first winner gets a title shot and it’s at 4pm. That’s just odd.

We have an Amish man trying to get inside. Guess who it is. He asks if anyone knows how to get onto the roof. I feel like I’m watching a Trix Cereal commercial. Also, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE COSTUMES???

Kamala exists and that’s about it.

Damien Demento vs. Undertaker

Who else would you get to main event the first show? Bartlett makes fun of Taker and I’m already tired of him. Demento is the guy that freaked out on youtube recently and freaked out about modern wrestling. He’s annoying and this is his career highlight. We go over the matches for next week and that’s about all that happens in this match. The Tombstone ends this quickly.

Rating: N/A. It’s like 3 minutes long and it’s more or less a squash. That’s not that interesting.

Doink sprays Crush with water to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This started off ok but it felt like there was no flow to it at all. It just wasn’t that good of a show as far as establishing people like it was supposed to do. This show definitely assumed that most people were long time fans of the show and that’s not a good idea to do on a brand new main show.

Still though, this is one of those shows everyone should see at least once as it truly did completely revolutionize wrestling. Definitely take a look at it if you never have before or just to compare it to modern wrestling and see how much things have changed.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 13, 1997
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 6,855
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Honky Tonk Man

We’re six days away from the Rumble and the one clear thing is that a few people could win it. The main picks would be Austin or Hart but there are enough people that could possibly win to make it interesting. Other than that we’ve got Sid vs. Shawn II building up to Shawn’s return home. Do you really not get who is leaving the PPV with the title? Let’s get to it.

Shawn is in San Antonio before the Rumble on Sunday.

Jerry Lawler/Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marc Mero/Goldust

Goldust is here to get revenge on HHH for hurting Marlena while Lawler and Mero are there to make it a tag match. Brawl to start and the regal team is knocked to the floor. Goldust and Lawler start things off but it’s quickly off to Mero who sends Lawler into hiding. The fans chant BURGER KING which sounds good at the moment as I haven’t had lunch yet. Lawler tries to get in a punch out with a former Golden Gloves champion, earning himself a right cross to take him down.

Things break down for a bit and Lawler gets punched some more, sending him to the outside. Off to HHH as more stalling ensues. We also hear about the upcoming matches on the show for the second time in about three minutes. Mero backdrops HHH down and brings in Goldie, sending Helmsley running in fear. Back to Lawler who gets in a few punches before being knocked to the floor.

Mero comes back in and gets decked from behind by HHH. This match is having a hard time getting any kind of rhythm going at all. Mero gets worked over with really basic stuff from both guys, such as Lawler suplexing him down. Apparently next week the winner of the Rumble will face the loser of the WWF Title match. That’s not a terrible idea. Mero tags in Goldust who causes HHH to run away again as this is getting really repetitive.

Lawler gets a foreign and likely invisible object as Mero goes to the floor. We take a break and come back with HHH charging into Mero’s boot in the corner. A headscissors put HHH down and FINALLY we get Goldust vs. Helmsley. Goldie explodes on HHH, pounding away as hard and fast as he can with clotheslines and uppercuts. HHH gets caught in the ropes and Goldust pounds away until he gets disqualified.

Rating: F. This was AWFUL. I have no idea why they let this go nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUETS but it had no business lasting longer than about two. There was no flow to it at all and it was just waiting until we got to the stupid ending. On top of that, Mero and Lawler had no reason to be in the match at all, other than keeping this from being the same one on one match we would see on Sunday with Goldust vs. HHH.

Shawn is in San Antonio and watches a promo from Sid in the Alamodome, saying that he’s going to be a monster against Shawn on Sunday. Sid is going to make sure to humiliate Shawn in front of his friends and family. It’s probably the most coherent and best Sid promo I’ve ever heard. We also get a recap of Sid attacking the Lotharios. Shawn says that he and the people of San Antonio are going to kick Sid in the teeth. He isn’t defenseless like the Lotharios (nice show of respect there Shawn) and on Sunday, Sid is going to fall.

Here’s Bret with something to say. Yesterday Austin attacked Hart on Superstars and injured his ankle before the Rumble. Oh apparently Bret is going to sit in on commentary.

Shawn is STILL in San Antonio.

Rocky Maivia vs. British Bulldog

Bret praises Rocky as he comes to the ring. The guy has an eye for talent if nothing else. Rocky also might be having eyes for Sable but it doesn’t seem to be for sure. Bret describes the WWF as a lawless land and says he’ll take care of Austin if they wind up in the ring together. Feeling out process in the match with Rocky taking over via an armdrag. Honky asks Bret if he’d consider being Honky’s protege but Bret laughs it off.

Bulldog gets sent to the floor and things stall a for a bit. Back in and it’s time for more arm cranking as Owen comes out to ringside. Rocky gets sent to the outside as well just before Owen stares down Bret. We take a break as Bret takes off his sunglasses. Back with Davey pounding on Rocky as the Hart staredown continues.

We hit a chinlock on Rocky for a bit before Maivia fights back up with a cross body for two. The delayed vertical suplex puts Rocky down again and a legdrop gets two. Back to the chinlock due to a lack of anything better to do. Rocky fights back up and they collide to put both guys down again. Maivia fights back with a bunch of clotheslines including one that puts both guys on the floor. Cue Austin to take out the knee and Stun Bulldog for the countout. Bret couldn’t make the save because Owen wouldn’t let him get up.

Rating: C-. Better match than you would expect given the experience of Rocky at this point, but it was a cool sight to see Rocky hang in there as long as he did and even win the match. He was about to get booed harder than anyone would ever believe possible in this day and age, but at this point there wasn’t much to him.

The Nation says they’re united at the Rumble.

Undertaker vs. Crush

Crush is part of the Nation here so Taker goes into the aisle to fight them all at once. We head inside for the bell with Taker slamming Crush down and dropping a leg for no cover. Taker loads up Old School but Faarooq crotches him to give Crush control for a good three seconds. Taker sends him to the floor but gets guillotined as Crush comes back in. We continue the punch off until Crush hits a piledriver to put Taker on the floor.

Taker gets rammed into the steps and punched even more before we head back inside. Vader is standing at the entrance to the arena as we take a break. Back with Crush choking away and getting two off a clothesline. Back to the chinlock as this match continues to be slow. Taker hits a clothesline of his own but gets taken down by a belly to belly suplex. Crush loads up his Heart Punch (exactly what it sounds like) but gets caught in a chokeslam. Faarooq and Vader run in for the DQ before a cover can happen though.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here which is a running theme tonight. Crush was there as a warm body and little more, which would be the case until he was thrown out of the Nation, which led to him being a warm body in the DOA. Taker would continue to flail around for a few weeks until he wound up winning the world title at Wrestlemania because why not.

Vader and Faarooq beat down Taker until Ahmed Johnson comes out for the save, only to get beaten down as well to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This really didn’t work for me. The opening match was terrible, the middle match was just ok, and the last match was bad. Sid vs. Shawn is set up pretty well, but rather than Austin vs. Hart, the real battle of the Rumble, was made secondary to the Harts feuding, which wasn’t even a thing for Sunday. Just an odd episode all around that didn’t make me want to see Sunday’s show.

Here’s the Rumble if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I spend so much time talking about how awesome 1997 was that I might as well watch all of the Raws from that year. This is the year where the WWF was completely destroyed by WCW, but they were planting the seeds for their return to glory. This year includes the Border War storyline which was the setup for Austin’s rise to the top of the wrestling world. I’ll be doing two episodes at a time of this year followed by two each from 2003, as that way I can have everything from 1997-2003. Let’s get to it.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 6, 1997
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 6,855
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We’re less than two weeks away from the Rumble, which means a lot of stuff is going to start happening on raw in a hurry. Sid is currently world champion, having taken the title from Shawn in MSG at Survivor Series. He then beat Bret at IYH 15 to do what likely no one else did in this era: beat Bret and Shawn in PPV title matches. Like I said though, the focus at the moment is the Rumble so let’s get to it.

Also for the next few weeks, the show is still just one hour. That would change in February.

Vader wants a piece of Bret Hart.

We recap the debut of Shotgun Saturday Night, which arguably is the start of the Attitude Era.

Old school opening sequence still rocks.

Mankind vs. Owen Hart

Both guys are heels here and Owen is a tag champion. It’s amazing how different things look here with the set just being the big RAW letters. Owen takes him down almost immediately and tries the Sharpshooter but Mankind makes the rope. Mankind, who is looking SLIM here, jabs Owen in the throat to take over. There’s the running knee in the corner and Mankind screams in his face a lot.

Owen grabs the arm but has to fight off the Claw to slow him down all over again. Hart bites down on the leather thing Mankind uses for said Claw before punching him in the face some more. A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor where Owen blasts Mankind in the ribs with a Slammy and drops him over the barricade stomach first. Back in and Owen stays on the ribs to knock Mankind to the mat.

Off to an abdominal stretch from Owen as we get some good psychology from a Stu Hart student. Who would have seen that coming? Mankind escapes the hold but gets taken down by an enziguri, sending him back out to the floor. Mankind finds something like a drink tray to blast Owen in the head as we take a break. Back with Mankind in control but having a neckbreaker reversed into a DDT for no cover. Hart goes up but jumps into the Claw which he rolls through out of nowhere to escape. Owen is sent shoulder first into the post and walks into a piledriver out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: B. Good solid wrestling match here with both guys working well together. That’s no surprise as these two are wrestlers who seem to fit together with anyone. Mankind was still pretty new here and was viewed as incredibly bizarre, which would be the case for most of 1997 until he became more of a strange tough guy.

Shawn and the Lotharios are looking forward to Sid’s interview later.

More from Shotgun with Ahmed beating up D’Lo Brown on the streets of New York. Literally.

Here are Fake Razor and Fake Diesel as Honky Tonk Man is now on commentary. He’s looking for a new protege at the moment.

Razor Ramon/Diesel vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon

Diesel and LaFaon start. Ok so LaFon has the short hair. Got it. Kane had one thing going for him in this angle: he actually looked like Diesel. Razor on the other hand looks like he’s wearing a homemade Halloween costume. Off to Razor for a fallaway slam before he misses a charge. Tag off to Furnas for a quick headlock before Razor cranks on the arm for a bit. The announcers talk about the main event until it’s off to Diesel.

We get some classic big man clubbering before Razor hooks an abdominal stretch. We take a break and come back with Diesel hitting a side slam for two. Furnas can’t fight out of the corner and we stay in the slow beatdown segment. Furnas finally escapes and makes the tag to LaFaon who fires off forearms and kicks to take the imposters down. A dropkick gets two on Diesel and things break down again. A Frankensteiner gets two on Ramon and a middle rope Hart Attack gets the pin on Diesel.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad but it went on WAY too long. It felt like it was supposed to be a squash but it wound up being a long match which didn’t make any of these guys look any good. Fake Razor and Diesel didn’t work at all and I don’t think anyone was actually entertained by them. Does it seem like I have nothing at all to say here?

We recap Goldust and HHH last week where Marlena was injured.

More Shotgun with Marlena flashing Sultan to save Goldust.

Bret wants Shawn to interfere in his match tonight. He isn’t worried about Vader either.

Here’s Sid for a chat. Sid goes on a rant about how he’s going to destroy Shawn in San Antonio. I think that’s what he’s talking about at least, as Sid isn’t the easiest guy in the world to understand. He might have been wishing Shawn a spicy pasta. Shawn comes out to do commentary and some stripping.

Bret Hart vs. Vader

Not bad for a main event. Vader is feuding with Taker at this point and yesterday, Vader’s manager Jim Cornette got destroyed on Superstars. Vader pounds Hart in the corner and sends him to the floor but Hart sends him into the steps to reverse control. Back in and Bret works on the arm on the mat but it doesn’t last long due to Vader running Bret over. A middle rope clothesline puts Bret down again and Austin is watching in the back as we take a break.

Back with Vader running over Bret again for no cover. A HUGE middle rope splash gets two but the moonsault takes WAY too long to set up. Bret starts in on the Five Moves of Doom which has Shawn cracking some very funny lines about how Bret is repetitive. Bret goes up for the middle rope elbow but gets shoved to the floor instead. Sid comes in out of nowhere and steals a cameraman. During the distraction, Austin comes out and Stuns Bret on the floor. That and a Vader Bomb are enough for the kind of upset pin on the Hitman.

Rating: C+. This was Bret’s bread and butter: beating on guys bigger than he was. The interference was a bit much but the matches these four would combine to have over the upcoming weeks would be more than worth it. Bret getting screwed again would be a major factor in the coming weeks and months, which made things very awesome.

Sid powerbombs Jose Lothario’s (Shawn’s manager and mentor) son in the back. Shawn runs to the back to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Long matches aside, you could see the pure talent in this company that would wind up saving the company in the long run. WCW had the star power, but at the end of the day this is wrestling, and if you can’t deliver a decent match, you’re going to lose some fans. It would take time, but eventually it would work out in the end.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I’ve been saying this for months and last night it finally hit full on.  Punk became a great heel last night becauseHe was delusional.  He went completely over the top and started making absurd claims right in the face of the Rock and it made people boo him.  With him saying stuff like he would have been champion for thirty years in Bruno’s time and saying how he’s the one guy who didn’t sell out, it made him seem completely insane in his ramblings.  This is in contrast to the way he was talking about Cena, when Punk was making perfectly rational claims about how the goalpost kept being moved on him.  Fans were split by that because Punk was talking sense, but now that he’s delusional, booing him made sense.

Why it took seven months to get to this point is beyond me, but at least it finally happened.

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 19, 2005
Location: Bagram Air Force Base, Bagram, Afghanistan
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for Tribute to the Troops.  I had planned to do the rest of these shows, but they are freaking HARD to find. This is the only one I could find a full copy of at the moment so you’re stuck with it. This is one of those shows that doesn’t take itself seriously and there’s nothing wrong with that. The main event tonight is HHH vs. Michaels in a boot camp match, which should be entertaining if nothing else. Let’s get to it.

This is a special episode of Raw, not a regular special if that makes sense. Also as usual with these shows, the ratings are going to be much lighter.

We open with the soldiers running up to meet the WWE guys.

Video on how awesome WWE is for doing this.

Here’s Vince to open the show. He says Santa himself may be here tonight, but he’s not sure what to give some people. Tonight is about the troops who the media back home doesn’t understand and it’s time to tell their stories. Vince brings out Lillian Garcia in a sexy Santa outfit to sing the national anthem.

Video on WWE landing in Germany for a pit stop.

Big Show vs. Carlito

Carlito pounds away as well as he can but jumps into a chokeslam for the pin. This barely lasted a minute.

According to Joey, it’s about 45 degrees in Afghanistan so I can understand them wanting to get out of the ring quickly.

Video on troops detonating landmines.

Here’s Coach to introduce Santa. Santa is in camo and has a beard that covers his face. He talks about how no one cares about the troops and insults their base. Santa complains about there not being any Dom Perignon for his reindeer and says that he’s canceling Christmas, New Year’s, St. Patrick’s Day, Cinco De Mayo, Groundhog’s Day and Oktoberfest! This brings out a Santa in red who says that HE is the real Santa. The Bad Santa says that the only Ho Ho Ho’s around here are the Divas and the red Santa is an imposter. The Red Santa suggests a No Ho Ho Holds Barred match to determine who the real Santa is.

Good Santa vs. Bad Santa

Good Santa loses his hat and is revealed to be Mick Foley (of course). He hits Bad Santa with a sack of toys, revealing JBL in the camo. Foley pulls the pillow from under his shirt and hits JBL in the head with it. JBL thankfully no sells it (Joey: “Mick, IT’S A PILLOW!”) and kicks Mick in the head. The Clothesline misses and it’s Socko for the win. This was great fun.

We see some clips of a press conference with Cena and Trish answering some questions.

Video on MSNBC being in Afghanistan as well.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Snitsky

Gene (Snitsky’s first name for awhile) takes Shelton down to start and rips the buckle pad off. Shelton comes back with some fast shots to the head but splashes the buckle, allowing Snitsky to kick his head off for the pin. Shelton is on a big losing streak here which would result in Mama Benjamin showing up to get him on the right track again.

John Cena vs. Chris Masters

Cena is champion but this is non-title for no apparent reason. Masters runs Cena over with a shoulder block but Cena takes him to the mat with a front chancery. That would be move #19 or so that I can think of Cena using over the years. Masters gets low bridged to the floor for some brawling before we head back in. Chris puts on a front chancery of his own as the fans chant for Cena. There’s the Masterlock but Masters lets go of it instead of letting it get broken. Well to be fair he isn’t famous for his brain. A middle rope fist drop misses Cena and they slug it out. Cena hits his usual stuff and finishes with the FU.

Rating: C. This was fine. Cena is incredibly popular on these trips so having him win a quick match is perfectly fine. There wasn’t supposed to be anything intense here and that’s what the fans got. Masters would be in the Elimination Chamber in a few weeks after this and would actually make it to the final two or three.

Video on troops missing their families.

Here’s Coach to call out Ric Flair. Some banter occurs, and Flair is challenged to defend the Intercontinental Title RIGHT NOW.

Intercontinental Title: Ric Flair vs. Jonathan Coachman

Coach gets in a quick elbow and chokes away with a shirt to start but Flair comes back with chops in the corner. Flair asks the referee for the time and hits Coach low in a classic Naitch move. Figure Four and we’re done.

Video on the troops being heroes.

Music video on the WWE people meeting the troops.

Maria almost walks into a bomb shelter.

Maria/Candace Michelle vs. Trish Stratus/Ashley Massaro

Trish is rocking the camo outfit here which REALLY works on her. Ashley and Maria start things off and what are you really expecting here? Candace wants to fight Trish but runs when Trish comes in. I think Candace and Maria are heels but Maria is too goofy to be evil. Candance gets body surfed by the troops for a bit but it’s time to dance a bit first.

Michelle lays on the ropes but Trish shoves Michelle to the outside and lays on the ropes herself. Trish accidentally headscissors the referee down and it’s time for the chops from Stratus. Now the headscissors takes Candace down. Off to Ashley who gets rolled up for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: A. This was about getting hot women in small outfits for the troops. It worked.

The Divas celebrate with the troops post match.

The troops are constantly in danger and some awards they’ve won.

Video on the WWE people meeting the troops again.

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Bootcamp match which basically means street fight. Shawn has his camera with him which I always find cool. He’s also in camo which is a nice touch. HHH punches him down to start as we have credits going along the bottom of the screen. Shawn cranks on the arm to slow things down and gets two off a backslide. We hit the third armbar before Shawn gets elbowed back to the floor.

Back from a break with Shawn being backdropped out to the floor. HHH tries a Pedigree on the outside but gets backdropped down instead. Shawn blasts HHH in the face with a sandbag and pounds away even more. HHH comes back with a gas can to the head, giving off a big THUD. They slug it out in the aisle and head back in where HHH is thrown over the corner and right back to the floor.

Shawn hits him in the head with a mop of all things but gets sent face first into the post as a result. Back in and there goes the referee, meaning HHH’s DDT gets no count. Another referee slides in for two, resulting in a shoving match with HHH. The referee has an Army insignia on his arm so HHH blasts him in the face. Shawn takes HHH down but can’t follow up. They slug it out with Shawn taking over with his usual stuff. The Pedigree is countered into a catapult and Chin Music ends this.

Rating: C+. Again, what did you expect here? The idea was to give the fans something fun to end the show and that’s exactly what they did. There could have been more weapons used here but the stuff they had was fine. Shawn winning sends the troops back to their barracks happy and that’s the right idea for something like this.

A final music video ends things.

Overall Rating: C+. This is always hard to grade but this was fine. This isn’t a show that you can grade like a usual one and I wasn’t about to try to. The troops got to see something fun and have a good time and the WWE gets to look good. This was fun like it was supposed to be and that’s about all there is to it. In other words, simple and fun, which is more than you get from a lot of wrestling shows.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 7, 2013
Location: Tampa Bay Times Forum, Tampa Bay, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first show of the year and the card is stacked. We’ve got Punk vs. Ryback in a TLC match for the world title plus the return of the Rock. Ok so maybe it’s not stacked but it has a big match and something else big going on. It’s hard to imagine Ryback winning the title tonight as we’re less than three weeks away from the Rumble and Punk vs. Rock. Things should really get going towards the Rumble tonight though so let’s get to it.

Here’s Cena to open the show. He talks about how awesome everything will be tonight and wants to get to the Rumble. Cue Ziggler in a hurry who says that he’ll be the thing people remember tonight instead of the Rock. I’m really thinking no on that one Ziggy. AJ (GOOD FREAKING NIGHT is she looking great tonight) says she can’t believe she spent so much time with Cena as she’s now with a real man.

AJ says Cena is a small man, causing Cena to go into a HUGE overly done bit, (complete with starting the Wave in the crowd) about how that’s a joke. They go back and forth for a bit until Ziggler says he’s in the Rumble as well. Cena says this is going to be his year and it starts tonight against Ziggler. Langston cuts a shaky promo saying Cena has someone else to worry about tonight. Apparently it’s Cena vs. Ziggler post break.

John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dang they’re going all out with this “DON’T WATCH THE BALL GAME” push. Just show AJ for that long and you’ll have my attention. Ziggler grabs a headlock to start but Cena takes him to the mat with an armbar. Dolph sends Cena into the corner to take him down and does his situps. Cena rolls over into a front facelock followed by a delayed vertical suplex for two as we keep going back and forth. Langston guillotines Cena on the top and we take a break. Not much to see so far.

Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock, complete with headstands to show off. It’s still not much of a gimmick people. Cena slams him down again as AJ gets on the apron. Ziggler pops up and SMACKS Cena with a dropkick for two, followed by all those elbow drops. AJ slaps Cena in the face, earning an ejection for herself and Langston. Cena fires up his finishing sequence but Ziggler avoids the Shuffle and rolls Cena up for two.

The second attempt hits but the AA is countered into the Zig Zag for two. The jumping DDT gets two for Dolph so he goes up, only to jump into the AA. Ziggler flips out of that too and hits a close range superkick for two. There’s the sleeper but as Cena throws Ziggler off, the referee gets bumped. The STF goes on and Langston runs in to lay out Cena. The Big Ending (that stupid falling slam) only gets two as a second referee runs out. Cena loses his shoe and hits the AA for the pin at 17:04.

Rating: B. And at the end of the day, Ziggler loses AGAIN. This is why no one is taking him seriously: he loses EVERY major match he has where he doesn’t have a gimmick to help him. When he wins the title, no one is going to buy it and that’s the #1 reason why. As for the match, it was slow to start but got WAY better at the end. That being said, no one is going to see the ending because the national title game kicked off about three minutes ago.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

Eve takes her to the mat to start and works on the leg. We get a crawler with TWEETS from fans regarding Rock being back. The referee tells Kaitlyn to tie her boot but Eve jumps her during the distraction. Eve hooks a neck stretch (picture a neckbreaker position but instead of just, you know, doing a neckbreaker, Eve bends Kaitlyn’s neck over her own shoulder) but gets caught in a side slam for two. Kaitlyn loads up her gutbuster, but Eve escapes, grabs the title, and runs through the crowd for the countout at 4:40.

Rating: D. CHANGE THE FREAKING TITLE ALREADY! They’ve dragged this stupid story (why do they even hate each other at this point? Does ANYONE remember why this started in the first place, and better yet, does anyone care?) on for months now and while I get that they’re waiting for the Rumble, do they really think people are going to get fired up for the freaking DIVAS TITLE?

Up next: Rhodes Scholars vs. HELL NO! ANOTHER fresh match! It’s clearly they’re just holding out for halftime of the game at this point.

Santino is in the back with Steamboat when Barrett comes in. He insults both guys and says he’s the one bringing prestige back to the title. Steamboat is going to be in Santino’s corner for his title shot tonight.

Orton is in the back to talk about the Rumble when 3MB comes up, setting up Orton vs. Slater tonight. Man they’re REALLY punting on the matches after the opener aren’t they?

HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

For all the talk about how the tag division has been reborn, these two teams really do seem to fight each other a lot. Cody and Kane start with Rhodes running away to tag in Sandow. Bryan comes in with a dropkick in the corner so it’s back to Rhodes to get kicked by Daniel. The Scholars finally get in some shots to take over on Bryan with Cody shouting about the goat face. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two as we hear about Sandow’s family being advisers to the President since the early 1800s. Well you can’t say they’re not trying.

Hot tag brings in Kane who stumbles going up top, only to come off with the clothesline on Sandow, followed by a big boot for two. Damien bails to the floor to avoid a chokeslam, before coming back in to face Bryan. Daniel moonsaults out of the corner and injures his ankle, giving us a reason to extend the match even further. Everything breaks down and Cody hits Cross Rhodes for the pin at 7:16.

Rating: C. So the ankle stuff wound up meaning nothing at all. Good to know. Anyway, this sets up like the third title shot for the Scholars which still doesn’t make me care about the match. This idea of “challengers lose, challengers lose, challengers win a non-title match, challengers win titles” doesn’t make for an interesting series of matches. It makes for a series that I don’t care for because it takes five matches to get through to the end counting a rematch.

Randy Orton vs. Heath Slater

They punch each other a lot to start until Orton gets clotheslined to the floor and stomped on by Mahal and McIntyre. Back in and Slater gets two off a neckbreaker but goes up and gets caught in a superplex. Here are Orton’s clotheslines and the powerslam followed by the Elevated DDT. RKO ends this clean at 4:26.

Rating: D. Yep, it’s clear they’re just letting the football game kill them here and I can’t say I blame them. Nothing on the planet is going to be able to stop that tonight, so why not just put on a weaker show until the game isn’t on and then put up your best then? It’s a strategy they’ve done before, so why not do it here?

Intercontinental Title: Santino Marella vs. Wade Barrett

Wade doesn’t even get an entrance. Steamboat is in Santino’s corner for no apparent reason. The champ takes Santino to the mat and pounds away in the corner before hitting a chinlock. The pumphandle slam is escaped and a superkick to the face gets two for Marella. Santino does his usual stuff and puts on the Cobra, sending Barrett running to the floor. Back in and the Bull Hammer ends this at 2:21.

Barrett stares at Steamboat but runs as the Dragon takes his jacket off.

Sheamus is in the back to talk about the Rumble when 3MB comes up. Wow they’re not even hiding this anymore? Tonight it’s Sheamus vs. one of them later on. Sheamus sings a bit first.

Great Khali vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title here and Miz is on commentary. Apparently he had an issue with Cesaro lately which I barely remember. Khali pounds away to start but Cesaro goes after the knee. We get what might be the worst big boot ever (you can see the referee between the boot and Cesaro’s head) before Cesaro makes his comeback, hitting a spinning springboard European Uppercut. Neutralizer ends this at 3:19.

Rating: C-. Points to Cesaro for both the uppercut (that looked SWEET) and the Neutralizer which is rather impressive. This was another match we’ve seen before but it fills in five minutes on this show tonight, which is the right idea. Cesaro continues to impress, which is a good sign for him.

Brad Maddox annoys Heyman again. He offers to referee the TLC match but Heyman wants nothing to do with him.

Jinder Mahal vs. Sheamus

Sheamus toys with Mahal to start and kicks him into the ropes. Mahal grabs Sheamus’ trunks in a weird spot that Sheamus seems bewildered by. A hard slap to Mahal’s face doesn’t do anything but an attempt at a second one sends him to the mat. There are the ten forearms in the ropes for Mahal, and there are ten for McIntyre as well. Jinder hits a jumping knee to send Sheamus to the floor where the band mates get in some shots. Sheamus slugs him down and pulls Slater in as well. A double clothesline puts the jobbers on the floor and Slater takes the Brogue Kick. White Noise and Brogue Kick end Mahal at 4:43.

Rating: D+. This was just a comedy match and I guess a way to compare Orton and Sheamus if that’s what they were going for. Nothing special here of course, but then again what are you expecting from this show at this point? I get why they’re doing things this way, but that doesn’t make the show any easier to sit through.

Video on Punk wanting respect.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Ryback

TLC match which was supposed to happen last month but had to be changed due to Punk’s knee injury. The fans don’t seem impressed by Ryback at all here. Ryback shoves Punk around to start until we head to the floor where Punk kicks him in the head. Punk slides in a ladder but Ryback hammers on him before anything can be done. Back in and Ryback hits a delayed spinning suplex onto the ladder, sending the champion to the floor.

Punk almost gets crushed by the steps before using them as a launching pad to knee Ryback in the face. Punk chairs Ryback down a few times and we take a break. Back with both guys down in the ring and Ryback getting up first. Ryback loads up a table on the floor but Punk blasts him in the ribs with a chair and sets up a table of his own. Ryback shoves Punk onto the announce table but another chair shot slows him down.

Back in and Punk works over Ryback’s leg with a chair but can’t Pillmanize it. The jump off the ropes might have hurt the champion’s knee again. Ryback pounds away and hits the Meat Hook but Punk escapes the Shell Shock. They head to the floor and Ryback launches himself through a table by mistake. Punk climbs up the ladder but Ryback goes up to stop him, knocking the champ to the mat.

CM shoves the ladder over but Ryback lands on his feet. He picks Punk up and drops him onto the ladder, bending it to the point where it can’t be used anymore. Punk kicks Ryback in the head again to slow him down but can’t use the ladder to climb anymore. A knee in the corner slows Ryback down but when Punk tries the bulldog, Ryback LAUNCHES him to the floor through the table Punk set up.

Ryback finds another ladder and goes up but there go the lights. The lights come back up and the Shield is on the ladder. Ryback punches two of them down but has to get down to stop the third one. The numbers catch up with Ryback and he gets destroyed by chair shots and the Triple Bomb through a table onto the steps. The Shield leaves and Punk slowly climbs up to retain the title at 18:50.

Rating: B-. This was exactly what people expected, right down to the interference. Ryback continues to look like someone that can’t win the big one, which is why that pop he got at the beginning of the match might as well have been a group of mice cheering. We get it: Shield goes after Ryback. They’ve done that for months now and Ryback has lost to them every time. There were some good bumps in this but it was exactly the match you expected to happen.

Post break Punk denies being associated with the Shield and says he’s going to drop a pipe bomb on Rock.

Bryan and Kane argue over whose fault the loss was. Vickie pops up and says next week they have a follow up with Dr. Shelby. Another argument ensues as we enter Daffy Duck/Bugs Bunny territory over whether Shelby is a nerd or a monster.

We recap Big Show vs. Ricardo from last week, which sets up Show vs. Alberto on Friday.

Big Show vs. Kofi Kingston

WMD, 15 seconds, pin. That’s some way to treat a guy who was a champion a week ago.

We recap Punk’s heel turn at Raw 1000 where he attacked Rock.

Here’s Punk before Rock can get out here. He talks about how it’s time for the Pipe Bomb, but wants to clarify what the Pipe Bomb is. It’s basically a dose of the truth. Well except for the ice cream, because no one here needs more ice cream. Punk meant everything he said in Vegas, but he became someone for the fans to cheer for. It doesn’t matter if you’re the best in the world in the WWE because there’s a glass ceiling that no one is allowed to break.

Punk goes into another rant about how the fans will cheer for anyone while guys like Bryan have to become catchphrase machines and guys like Brodus Clay have to dance with stupid kids and workhorses like Tyson Kidd have to take back seats to invisible children. The fans cheer and Punk says that’s exactly what he’s talking about.

Everyone in the past has gotten over because of the kind of business they do, except for him. He says if he was in Sammartino’s era, he would have been champion for 20 years. You didn’t see Hogan defending the title in TLC matches against Ryback. Punk says he’s successful because of himself, but rather in spite of them. He talks about how he doesn’t care about the fans and everyone who says they do is either weak or dishonest. Punk is neither though, because he’s an honest man and the best in the world.

He talks about how there are winners and losers in the world and it’s clear which one he is. For Punk, it’s never been about the fans but rather just about the money. A production guy gets up on the apron and says we have to go to a break. Punk says no because he doesn’t want to go to a break. He tells the fans they don’t matter at all and we go to a break.

Back from a break and Punk says that he’s going to be back here in a year as world champion again on the first Raw of 2014. He lists off the people he’s beaten in the last year and every single one of them has been beating the fans too. The fans don’t get to win with Rock either, because Punk is keeping the title at the Rumble.

Rock FINALLY interrupts him and the pop actually made me jump. Rock says that he wanted to hear everything Punk had to say so he knew what he was dealing with at the Rumble. Now it’s clear to the Rock that Punk is straight up delusional. Punk being champion for 414 days is incredible, but the important number is 20, because in 20 days Punk is defending the title against the Rock and then time is up.

Punk wanted a revolution and turned his back on the people, but that’s not what happened. The people turned their backs on Punk. Punk couldn’t even deliver the ice cream bars that he promised. Rock talks about how there’s no such thing as voiceless people here in the WWE because they’re going to call Punk Cookie Puss (it’s an old cake/dessert company from the 80s I believe). Punk says the people are puppets because Rock got the people chanting just like he did a year ago.

Rock says the people have already won the minute Rock woke up this morning. Rock woke up, sent out a Tweet, ate pancakes, went to the gym, got in his truck and drove here so he could stand face to face with Punk and say that FINALLY, he has come back to Tampa. He’s back to stop Punk and win the title for the first time in ten years. Rock has been watching to see someone say they respect Punk so he’ll shut up. He says Punk looks like Popeye on crack which draws a Cookie Puss chant.

Rock praises Punk’s mind but says Punk is delusional. It’s not the people that don’t matter but Punk. Punk starts into his speech but Rock says it doesn’t matter. At the Rumble, there’s nothing stopping the Rock from becoming WWE Champion. Punk lays the title down in the middle of the ring and says it doesn’t matter how often Rock comes back because Punk is going to take him out. He goes on a big rant about how Rock has never faced anyone like him again and says that at the Rumble, Rock’s arms are too short to box with God.

Rock says in 20 days, Punk’s time is up, so go home and look in the mirror and strip. Don’t look at your cookie puss but turn around so you can find a place for two more tattoos. One one cheek put a bunch of candy (“You can’t have Almond Joy because they actually have nuts) and on the other put Rock’s shoe. There’s a Rock Bottom and we’re done.

Overall Rating: B. All things considered, this wasn’t a terrible show. For one thing, there was almost NOTHING stupid backstage other than a few moments that set up matches later on. They didn’t have anything huge going on other than Rock and the title match, which is the right move given what this show was up against. There was a ton of wrestling on this show and that’s what’s been missing on Raw lately, so few complaints there after a slow start.

Results

John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment

Kaitlyn b. Eve Torres via countout

Rhodes Scholars b. HELL NO – Cross Rhodes to Bryan

Randy Orton b. Heath Slater – RKO

Wade Barrett b. Santino Marella – Bull Hammer

Antonio Cesaro b. Great Khali – Neutralizer

Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick

CM Punk b. Ryback – Punk pulled down the title

Big Show b. Kofi Kingston – WMD

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews