Monday Night Raw
Date: December 14, 1998
Location: Tacoma Dome, Tacoma, Washington
Attendance: 17,508
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Rock Bottom and Austin buried Undertaker alive. On top of that, Rock is still world champion as we head towards the Rumble. Since there are three episodes of this show left in the year I’ll be running through all three of them instead of doing two and then coming back later. The main event tonight is Rock vs. HHH which would get a lot better in upcoming years. Let’s get to it.

We open with some stills of last night with Rock retaining the title because he passed out in the Claw instead of tapping. Also Kane helped Austin bury Undertaker alive.

Cole is on commentary because Ross had an attack of Bell’s Palsy.

We open with a pretty famous segment as DX imitates the Corporation. We’ve got HHH as Rock, X-Pac as Shamrock, Roadie as Vince (with two small guys attached to him as Patterson and Brisco) and Billy as Shane. Chyna is Boss Man I think. Road Dogg starts us off and his Vince imitation isn’t that bad. HHH has a painted on eyebrow and Billy isn’t wearing pants.

Road Dogg asks Brisco how things taste behind him. Billy shows off his thong and says that Vince certainly isn’t one of them. X-Pac says all this talk about sphincters is putting him IN THE ZONE!!! Chyna does a nice routine with a nightstick like a baton….until she drops it. HHH does a great heel Rock imitation by talking very slowly and talking about sticking his own head in his own anal cavity.

Here’s Commissioner Shawn played by…..some comedian who isn’t named. He has a basketball which he keeps dropping in a not very subtle illustration. Shawn calls himself HB-Gay and is intrigued by all this talk about sphincters. He doesn’t lay down for anybody because he’s always bending over. There goes the ball again. X-Pac is still IN THE ZONE. He gets in Shawn’s face and Shawn freaks out. HHH says if the Corporation doesn’t get what’s going on here, they’ve got two words for them. Not as good as the Nation parody but it was still great.

Cue the real Corporation to interrupt with Shawn talking about how DX will pay for this. It’s Outlaws vs. Shamrock/Boss Man again and HHH vs. Rock. Shawn: “Careful Rock. He’s only used to hanging out with main eventers.” It’s non-title just in case though. HHH says that’s a good idea because it was HHH who was beating up Rock every time they fought and he was the guy that took Rock’s IC Title. Rock says that was Chyna’s fault but he’ll put the title up tonight. Rock then goes into Hogan’s, Flair’s, Savage’s and Bret’s catchphrases before getting to his own. Talk about a random moment.

Back with Vince giving the Corporation a pep talk. They’re going after Kane later and a surprise is promised.

Val Venis/Godfather vs. Edge/Christian

I think this is the first pairing of the famous team on Raw. Edge and Val start things off with Val taking Edge down and pounding away. Off to Godfather who double teams Edge with a splash/legdrop combo. The not yet named Ho Train hits and here’s Val again, this time facing Christian. Godfather beats up both members of the Brood and a hooking kick gets two on Christian. Things rapidly break down and Val decks Gangrel before hitting a fisherman’s suplex on Christian for the pin. Short match.

Gangrel promises a blood bath tonight.

Steve Blackman promises to unmask the Blue Blazer tonight and prove that it’s Owen Hart.

Goldust vs. Blue Blazer

Shouldn’t this be Blackman given the promo and video we got of Blackman vs. Blazer before the match? Blazer hits a spinning heel kick which is an Owen trademark. The fans chant nugget as Blazer hits a neckbreaker. A middle rope elbow gets two and Blazer tries some kind of running springboard, only to slip off the ropes. Blazer enziguris him down and does an Owen WOO! Goldust hits the Curtain Call and loads up Shattered Dreams but Jarrett runs in for the DQ.

Blackman runs out and saves Goldust before unmasking the Blazer to reveal Owen Hart. Well ok, now what does this change?

One of the commercials for this show is for the VHS of Mask of Zorro. That’s one of my favorites.

DX and the Corporation are about to fight in the back.

D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry vs. Bob Holly/2 Cold Scorpio

PMS is with Brown/Henry, the latter of whom is now Sexual Chocolate. Before the match, Henry wants to talk about his date with Chyna. She invited him to her room and wanted him in her bed. Apparently Brown was filming it too. Well that sounds romantic. Chyna wore him out but before we can hear the details, Scorpio and Holly interrupt.

Brown and Holly start things off with Brown charging into a boot in the corner. Holly and Scorpio are the JOB Squad here. Scorpio comes in and superkicks Brown down but it’s off to Henry who doesn’t go down (at least not in a match) as easily. Back to Brown with the Sky High for two but a Swanton (yep, from Brown) misses. PMS distracts the JOB Squad and Jackie dropkicks Holly so Henry can powerslam him for the fast pin.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Big Bossman/Ken Shamrock

The Outlaws are defending. Shawn is out with the challengers. Also, last night Shamrock went after Billy’s leg with a chair. That becomes important later. Billy and Boss Man start things off and Boss Man knocks him down, only to have Billy ask him to do it again. Boss Man does it again and Billy doesn’t get up. Serves the idiot right. Off to Road Dogg who does about as well, getting sent into the corner with authority. Boss Man misses a charge and it’s back to Billy.

Boss Man tries to crotch him on the post but gets pulled face first into the post instead. Off to Shamrock who goes after Billy’s leg for a good while. Boss Man comes back in and Billy falls down while being whipped to the corner because of the leg work. Shamrock comes back in and tries a standing rana but Billy powerbombs him down to counter.

The double tag brings in Roadie to face Boss Man and Shawn cracks Road Dogg in the back with a chair. The Boss Man Slam gets two and Road Dogg hits Boss Man low for absolutely no penalty. Back to Billy but Shawn whacks him with a pipe. The ankle lock goes on but Billy is out and we have new champions.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t any good but it gave the Corporation yet another title. I believe http://onhealthy.net/product-category/muscle-relaxant/ they have everything but the European Title and the Light Heavyweight Title at the moment. Anyway this wasn’t much but at least it was short. The wrestling in the Attitude Era just wasn’t that good and most of the time that was because no one really cared about it. The fans were there for the drama and that’s about it.

Here are Vince and Shane with an announcement. Vince isn’t pleased that Austin won last night because now he gets to be in the Royal Rumble. It’s Kane’s fault that Austin won that match and tonight we’re going to fix Kane and Mankind by having them fight in a no holds barred match.

Vince and Shane step back to reveal a table with a tumbler on it. We’re going to pick Austin’s Rumble number right now, and wouldn’t you know it, he draws #1. Just to prove there’s nothing up, they draw again and Austin gets #1 again. Vince sweetens the Rumble pot a bit by saying that whomever eliminates Austin will receive $100,000. Tonight another participant will be announced as well. It’s someone that equals Austin’s skills. It’s the only person that could save WCW. It’s…..Vince himself! Vince hopes he’s #2 but he gets #30 instead.

The McMahons are about to leave but Mankind pops up on screen. Mankind, calling Vince dad, says that it should be Vince vs. Mankind tonight in the no holds barred match. Well maybe just a match. Vince throws down the mic without answering either way but he seems ticked off.

Back from a break with the Stooges trying to convince Vince not to fight tonight. Hey that rhymes two times.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve Blackman

This is a guitar on a pole match for reasons of Russo. Jeff says Debra WILL NOT strip tonight but she kind of wants to. Blackman gets in some quick strikes and goes for the guitar which goes nowhere. I think it’s the first person to pull the guitar down wins here. Jeff punches away but misses a dropkick. Debra shows off a little cleavage which does nothing to Blackman as he catches Jarrett climbing. Debra pulls her jacket almost off and Jeff gets the guitar. Both of them miss swings with it and the referee goes down. Owen runs in and blasts Blackman with another guitar to give Jeff the pin.

Rating: D. In a guitar on a pole match, we also had a run-in and a ref bump. Like I said, it’s Russomania at this point and that would never be clearer than at the Rumble. Everybody remembers the drama of the main events from this era, but most people forget the midcard, with stuff like Steve Blackman vs. Owen Hart which went on for MONTHS. It wasn’t all great stuff.

Tiger Ali Singh finds the word Bloodbath painted on his wall.

Vince says he’s going to take on Mankind.

Here’s Singh for a match I presume but the lights go out and the Brood’s music hits. Red lights keep flashing in the ring. The Brood appears and the lights go out. As they come back on, Singh is covered in blood. They would get better at this.

Mankind vs. Vince McMahon

No holds barred. Thankfully they turn off the red lights a few seconds into the match. They slug it out a bit before Mankind blocks a chokeslam with a knee to the ribs, only to get kicked in the head for his efforts. They head to the floor with Kane sending Mankind into the steps and then hitting a HARD shot with them to Mankind’s head. Kane sends Mankind into the corner and clotheslines him in the back of the head but Mankind knocks him to the floor. Here’s Vince who says Mankind can fight Vince in the parking lot right now. Mankind goes after him and the match is a no contest.

Rating: D+. The length of the match hurts this more than anything. Foley would be on to much bigger things in just a few weeks while Kane would do little of note for awhile. These hardcore brawls are only able to get things so far and the guys needed some actual matches to give them a break from the hardcore stuff.

During the break, Shamrock and Boss Man beat down Kane and had him put in a straightjacket.

We go to the back and Mankind is beating up Vince in the parking lot. Mankind beats him down and takes out the Stooges as well before putting Vince in the trunk of a car. Rock shows up for the save and Rock Bottoms Mankind on the hood.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH

Shawn distracts HHH and Rock jumps him to take over. HHH comes back with clotheslines and pounds away in the corner before being thrown to the floor. Rock beats on HHH on the floor while jumping in on commentary to talk some trash. Back in and HHH hits the high knee and an elbow drop for two. Rock elbows him down and we hit the chinlock.

HHH tries a comeback but gets DDT’ed and put right back into the chinlock. Another comeback is stopped with a slam and the People’s Elbow for two. We hit chinlock #3 in way too short of a stretch of time. HHH comes back with a suplex and another high knee before stomping away in the corner.

After a quick bit on the floor, Shawn distracts HHH but Chyna uses the opportunity to low blow Rock. HHH hits a DDT for two and there’s the Pedigree, but the referee is with Chyna. Shawn hits HHH with the belt for TWO. Chyna goes after Shawn and a big guy who was a bodyguard for Motley Crue takes out HHH to give Rock the pin.

Rating: C-. This started off slow but by the end it picked up a lot. The bodyguard would later be named Test and he’s the newest member of the Corporation apparently. The kickout after the belt shot had the crowd losing their minds but they got very quiet in a hurry. This was one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen these two have, but then again it’s just a TV match at the end of the year so how much are you expecting?

Overall Rating: C+. For a show without Austin, this was pretty good stuff. They’re moving forward with a lot of angles and it’s nice to see the build for the Rumble starting already instead of burning off two weeks like they do today. Some of this stuff was dull but you can’t win them all I guess. Anyway, things are looking good going into 99, which is a good thing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 1, 2012
Location: Chesepeake Energy Arena, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma|
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

We’re in Oklahoma tonight which means a few things. First of all, it’s JR Appreciation Night but that might only be for the post show stuff. Also I believe we’re in the arena where Punk first cashed in the MITB case and won his first world title, which will likely be mentioned. We’re also likely to see what Ryback staring Punk down last week will mean, and on the Blue side, we’re getting…..wait for it….a debate between Big Show and Sheamus. Yet they wonder why no one watches Smackdown. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of all of Punk’s antics last week, including the great promo with Foley and turning around to see Ryback at the end of the show.

Here are Punk and Heyman to open the show. During the entrance the Appreciation Night is mentioned. Punk complains about the attack last week and says in Chicago that’s called weakness. Punk was looking for a doctor at the end of the show when he low blowed Foley. He didn’t like the lack of respect that Foley was showing him and thinks Foley never would have talked like that to Cena or Rock or Austin. Punk doesn’t like the lack of respect this crowd is showing him either. Tonight, Punk is here to announce that it’s still not going to be Punk vs. Cena inside the Cell.

Punk whispers something to Heyman and Paul takes the mic. Heyman would like to move on to something else and that would be the proposal to AJ. This seems to bring out AJ but they cut her music after about half a second. Must be a production miscue. Heyman points out that while AJ didn’t say no, she did violate an ordinance from the board of directors, that if AJ strikes someone, she’s in trouble. Heyman calls for her removal from power and wants her job.

This brings out Vickie and Dolph with Vickie demanding that AJ be fired also and we get a clip of AJ beating her up a few months back. Heyman wants to know when this became about Vickie. Vickie cuts him off and says she represents the future World Heavyweight Champion. Heyman makes the obvious point that he’s with the CURRENT WWE Champion. Ziggler suggests Heyman and Vickie being co-GMs.

This brings out AJ to a surprisingly big reaction. AJ says she’s officially on probation which means we can drag this story out for a few more weeks. Apparently even Heyman doesn’t count as an exception so she has an executive coach to help with her development as a GM. And it’s Daniel Bryan. Bryan snaps on the crowd and yells NO a lot, saying he’s just here to apologize.

Bryan thinks AJ has gone insane because of being dumped by the man with the amazing beard. Now he’s the tag team champions, and you know who this brings out. Kane points out that AJ is a phenomenal kisser. Everything else that Bryan said was true, but he (Kane) is the tag team champions. Ziggler and Punk get in an argument of their own over who is better until AJ freaks out and reaches octaves even Vickie is jealous of. She makes the tag match you would expect her to make with the four guys in the ring. Total time for the opening segment: 21 minutes.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Epico/Primo vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Cara and Epico start with Cara hitting a Tajiri Elbow for two. Off to Primo who doesn’t do any better. Cara and Rey have inverted matching attire now. Rey comes in and the cousins are sent to the floor, but the masked guys stop before diving Epico and Primo move. Here are the Prime Time Players to sit on the stage as we take a break.

Back with Rey tagging out to Cara who comes in with a big springboard cross body. Cara kind of botches a springboard armdrag but it’s not too bad. Epico dropkicks him out of the air for two as the cousins take over. A quick sunset flip gets two on Primo for Cara and it’s back to Epico. Cara spins Epico around and slams him into the mat to get some separation and there’s the tag to Rey.

A big kick to the head takes Primo down and a seated senton does the same. A spinning reverse DDT gets two and here’s Cara with a springboard missile dropkick. There’s a kick to Primo’s head and it’s a double 619. Both masked guys go up top and Cara dives on Epico as the top rope splash from Rey pins Primo at 9:27.

Rating: C+. When all else fails, throw four high fliers out there and have them jump a lot. It worked for years in WCW and it worked here too. The Players didn’t do much here, but what did do something here was the commercial. It’s annoying when you have one like a minute into a match and the post break stuff has to act like a full match for all intents and purposes.

Brodus Clay vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title here and no entrance for Brodus. There was no entrance for either tag team earlier so maybe they’re trying to hurry things up. It’s an easy way to add a lot of time to the show actually. Brodus takes him into the corner to start and suplexes him down. A headbutt to the chest does the same but the t-bone suplex is blocked. Clay misses a splash and a springboard uppercut (you read that right) gets two and the Neutralizer pins Clay in 1:06. I guess it’s time for Brodus to be a jobber.

AJ comes up to Kaitlyn and introduces her to the coach, Christopher J. Stevenson, a guy in a suit. Kaitlyn will be ready to go again next week, even though she’s in her ring gear tonight. AJ wants to talk about their relationship and is all serious before going into an insane laugh. She isn’t really sorry at all and skips away. The coach says nothing at all.

Zack Ryder vs. The Miz

Miz takes him down with a shoulder block and a pair of boots to the head for two. Ryder makes a comeback and hits the Broski boot for two as we hear about Larry King as the social media ambassador. The Rough Ryder is countered into a buckle bomb and the Skull Crushing Finale gets the pin at 2:39.

Here are Booker, Show and Sheamus for the debate. Show gets to make an opening statement but Show says this is stupid. He’s going to knock Sheamus out and Sheamus can’t even kick that high, so the Brogue Kick means nothing. Sheamus asks Show not to rip his leg off because he needs it to kick Show’s teeth in. All of the questions come from fans and the first question is what do you find the most challenging about your opponent. Sheamus is looking forward to the fight and the biggest issue is the match lasting more than 45 seconds. Sheamus has something between his eyes that looks like a bruise.

Show defends his hygiene in response to something Sheamus said and the second question is who has the most devastating finisher (Booker, reading the questions off the screen, gets Show’s finisher’s name wrong). Sheamus mentions the 45 second loss again and Show gets mad again. FINALLY he breaks his podium and we go to the last question.

Sheamus wants it to be from his cousin’s Tout. It’s from Rey Mysterio Sullivan, which is clearly Sheamus holding a mask to his face. Show complains about this not being serious again so Sheamus asks how it feels to lose the title in 45 seconds. Show takes off his jacket and Sheamus takes off his shirt. Show is dripping sweat and he walks away. This was REALLY worthless and it doesn’t make me want to see them fight at all. It does however make me want to know what is on Sheamus’ nose.

Ryback vs. Tensai

For those of you that were fascinated by the two minute match these two had on Smackdown I guess. Tensai runs him over to start but Ryback pops up and smiles. They slug it out and Ryback powerslams him down with ease. A belly to belly is broken up by Tensai so Ryback clotheslines him down with ease. Ryback can’t Shell Shock him on the first two attempts so he clotheslines him again for the pin at 1:49.

The Rhodes Scholars love their name and make fun of the debate. Sandow wasn’t pleased with the lack of formal wear from Sheamus. They think Sheamus is a neanderthal. And that’s it.

More cancer stuff.

Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix

Before the match Eve talks about how awesome the Divas are. Beth tentatively shakes her hand and blocks the surprise attack from Eve. This is non-title by the way. Beth misses a charge and hits the post so Eve goes to the floor to pound on the bad arm. Beth gets rammed onto the floor and into the barricade which draws a nine count. Back inside Eve is upset so Beth runs her over. Eve hides in the ropes and comes out with her neckbreaker for the pin at 2:35.

AJ runs into Barrett in the back and my goodness Barrett is tall. Barrett says AJ needs the coach because Barrett doesn’t even have a match tonight. He says AJ has done a horrible job with her emotional outbursts and letting her personal relationships get in the way of her job. Barrett leaves and AJ thinks the coach is intimidated.

We hear about JBL climbing mountains to raise money for poor kids. Nothing wrong with charity work.

Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater

Apparently the One Man Band now has two people with him in the forms of Mahal and McIntyre. After a quick dance off they trade shoulder blocks and Slater elbows him in the face to take over. Slater’s group is called Encore apparently. He slams Santino down and jumps into the boot and Santino uses his usual stuff. The Cobra hits and Mahal/McIntyre run in for the DQ at 2:51.

Encore destroys Santino post match. All three of them say their nicknames and that’s about it. Slater’s theme song starting with “I’m just one man” is really stupid now.

Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus

Sandow hides to start so Sheamus grabs him by the beard and pounds away. Damien hides on the floor as we take a break. Back with Sandow hitting the floor again, drawing huge boos. Sheamus chases him into the crowd and catches Cody trying to interfere. The distraction lets Sandow clothesline Sheamus down and he takes over back in the ring. After some basic shots to the upper body, Sandow puts on a chinlock. Sandow fires off knees to the chest and hits a Russian legsweep and the windup elbow for two.

Damien pounds away some more and gets two off an elbow to the face. Back to the chinlock as Sandow’s offense is pretty much exhausted at this point. With Sheamus in 619 position, Sandow hits a charging hip shot to the back for two. Off to a headscissors which doesn’t last long. Sheamus gets a boot up in the corner but Sandow knocks him off the top with a good right hand. A boot to the head gets one for the non-champion and it’s off to a front facelock again.

Sheamus gets knocked to the floor as Sandow is still dominating which is pretty surprising. Back in and Damien gets another two and then another two and then chinlock #3 assuming you don’t count the variations of the move he’s already used. Sheamus comes back with a suplex to escape the hold and hits a knee lift and Regal Roll.

Sandow escapes a powerslam and hits a flipping neckbreaker for two. Sheamus gets the feet up in the corner and a top rope battering ram gets two. Sandow escapes White Noise but gets caught in the ten forearms. Sheamus catches Cody coming and sends him into the ring as well. A single Brogue Kick takes out both guys and pins Sandow at 15:45.

Rating: C+. Sandow looked better than usual here but man alive does he need to expand his offense a bit. Five chinlock variations in a fifteen minute match is hard to get past. It’s very good to see Sandow get a rub like this though, as he looked credible against a guy who is way out of his league. Not a great match or anything but a good stepping stone for Damien.

It’s time for Jim Ross Appreciation Night and Cole sucks up to JR now because the scripts calls for it. Before JR can say anything, here are Punk and Heyman. Punk tells Cole to go sit down and asks the fans to make some noise. He says the fans don’t know the first thing about respect and says JR is going to make the fans believe it, by saying Punk is the best in the world.

JR calls Punk a jackass instead and Punk is mad. He wants to know what JR is going to do if Punk gets physical. Will Ross scream for Austin to help, because Austin isn’t here. Today is the 316^th day Punk has been champion which means that number now belongs to Punk. JR belongs to Punk right now too and JR is going to say it, no matter what. Ross says no because he’s called some of the best matches of all time with the best in the world in them and those people have earned the right. Punk needs to walk into the Cell and beat Cena, and then JR will say he’s the best in the world.

Punk takes his jacket off and steals JR’s hat which he stomps on. Them are fighting words in Oklahoma. JR looks like he’s about to cry and Punk talks about all the time he’s beaten Cena and makes fun of the Thunder for losing in the NBA Finals. Punk gives JR a chance to run or he’s going to get knocked out. JR goes to leave but Punk stops him, saying there’s no more commentary for JR for the rest of the night. Punk makes him take the walk of shame and berates him as he leaves.

Cue Ryback and JR immediately turns back towards the ring. Ryback stares Punk down with JR behind him. Punk doesn’t back down at first and the fans are chanting FEED ME MORE. Now Punk backs down, which is something he said he never does in his promo a few moments before.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Post Smackdown Del Rio attacked the already down Orton to put Orton off TV to film the movie I’d assume. Ricardo is going to do commentary here. This should be good. Del Rio immediately takes Kofi down to start but Kofi speeds things up as you would expect. Kofi knocks Del Rio to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Alberto holding an abdominal stretch with Ricardo complaining that it’s 3-1 with Little Jimmy and R-Truth out there. Kofi escapes and hits an elbow and clothesline. A nice dropkick puts Del Rio down followed by the Boom Drop. Trouble in Paradise misses but the springboard cross body does as well. Armbreaker and we’re done at 6:10. Most of that was during the break so no rating, but this was nothing of note.

The coach talks to AJ in the back about putting aside her personal issues. AJ wants something special to happen tonight, like making the coach the guest referee for the main event. This is only made interesting by hearing JR talking about doing a reveal in something we weren’t supposed to hear. That’s production gaffe #3 tonight. For those of you counting, I only mentioned one of them. An incorrect graphic was put up earlier as well as AJ’s music playing too early.

Hell No vs. CM Punk/Dolph Ziggler

This is non-title and AJ’s coach is referee for some reason. Scratch that as after the break before the match, AJ comes out as referee. Well I’m assuming she looks better in the outfit if nothing else. Kane and Ziggler start things off with Kane shoving him around a lot. Ziggler tries to get on Kane’s back but gets clotheslined to the floor. Bryan tags himself in as we take ANOTHER break.

Back with Ziggler holding Kane in the sleeper which means nothing anymore. A dropkick puts Kane down for two but the monster comes back with the low dropkick for two. A jumping DDT takes Kane down again and there’s the tag to Punk for the corner clothesline. Say it with me: the bulldog is countered. A side slam gets two on Punk as we still haven’t seen Bryan yet.

Kane hits the clothesline but as usual, Bryan tags in while Kane sets for the chokeslam. Punk kicks Bryan out of the air but Bryan moonsaults out of the corner. A clothesline from Daniel sets up the kicks and he takes Ziggler down as well, only to walk into the high kick for two. Dolph comes in and dropkicks Bryan to the floor. Bryan gets thrown into the barricade which gets two back inside and we hit the chinlock.

Back to Punk who goes up and gets crotched by Bryan. A butterfly superplex sets up the NO Lock on Punk but Punk (with Heyman’s help) makes the rope. AJ ejects both Heyman and Vickie, which makes Ziggler leave as well. Punk walks into the chokeslam and kane gets the pin at 12:35.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match here but it felt more like an angle than the match itself. Bryan and Kane have more or less been turned face now which is the best thing for both of them. They also weren’t featured as much tonight which is another good thing for them, as the company was bordering on overkill with them. Not a great match but it did its job….whatever that was.

Overall Rating: D+. This one felt flat to me. The biggest problem of all was that in the first two hours or so, everything felt really short, making it hard to get into anything. I’m wondering what the point was in squashing Clay, but more importantly we have Ryback getting face to face with Punk in the ring and the place going NUTS. That’s a really good sign for Ryback and hopefully it means something for the future. Not a good show tonight as it felt really flat, but it wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen.

Results

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Epico/Primo – Top Rope Splash to Primo

Antonio Cesaro b. Brodus Clay – Neutralizer

The Miz b. Zack Ryder – Skull Crushing Finale

Ryback b. Tensai – Clothesline

Eve Torres b. Beth Phoenix – Spinning Neckbreaker

Santino Marella b. Heath Slater via DQ when Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal interfered

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – Brogue Kick

Alberto Del Rio b. Kofi Kingston – Cross Armbreaker

Hell No b. Dolph Ziggler/CM Punk – Chokeslam to Punk

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 21, 2002
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Oh look: a Raw from 2002. This is I think the twelfth episode I’ve done from this show, and you would think it would be something fun. Instead, it’s the KATIE VICK EPISODE! Yep, this is the show where HHH climbs in a casket and rapes a mannequin, because this is a wrestling show baby! I think that about covers it. It’s the night after No Mercy and HHH is the champion of all that is Raw as the IC Title has been knocked out for the next eight months or so. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Katie Vick story. HHH claims Kane is a murderer, but Kane says it was an accident. This is the night after HHH beat Kane to unify the IC and World Titles but the feud must continue for some reason.

Here’s HHH along with Flair to open the show. HHH talks about how he’s proven the writers wrong when they said he didn’t deserve to be handed the title. He ended the IC Title last night and there’s no one that can do anything about it. HHH calls himself unstoppable and says that he might be the greatest world champion ever. Flair has a video that explains the Katie Vick ordeal. Oh boy. Kane isn’t here yet, but apparently tonight it’s Kane/RVD vs. HHH/Flair. This brings out Hurricane, Kane’s other partner, to beat up HHH and take the tape, but HHH beats Hurricane down and takes it back.

Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Nowitski

Chris takes him down to start and Jeff is getting frustrated, which would be a recurring theme for him for the next few weeks. Jeff sends him to the floor and hits a big flipping dive to take over. Nowitski gets in a shot back inside and gets a few two counts. Hardy comes back with a Thesz Press and actually uses it as a pinning combination. Nowitski chokes away in the corner and gets two off a rolling side cradle.

A gutbuster gets another two on Hardy and this match isn’t going anywhere. Jeff fires away but walks into a hot shot for two. A spinning double underhook slam gets two for Chris and here comes Jeff’s real comeback. He fires away with right hands and a jawbreaker but Chris moves before the Swanton launches. Chris brings in a chair but Al Snow comes in to break it up. The chair winds up hitting Chris in the head but Snow pulls Nowitski away from the Swanton. It hits the chair and Chris steals the pin.

Rating: D. This just kept going. Nowitski was a great base for a character but he never got off the ground. The guy just wasn’t that good. He wasn’t especially bad but he just wasn’t that good. This match didn’t work well for the most part and Hardy would start turning heel soon after this, which didn’t work at all.

Eric Bischoff, the GM, is watching Big Show intimidate him recently. Stacy comes in to ask to referee a match tonight. Eric says yeah whatever but not the main event. Stacy leaves and here’s Show. Eric gives Show Jamal, Rico and Rosey tonight.

Snow talks to Dreamer about costing Dreamer a match recently. They have a Singapore cane match tonight. Dreamer leaves and Nowitski comes up. Nowitski doesn’t want/need Al’s help. Ok then.

Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley

The winners get a title shot against whoever the champions are now. Apparently it’s Christian/Jericho. Storm runs down American before the match. Spike vs. Storm to start things off with the smaller dude taking over quickly. The fans want tables but other than that things are mostly silent. We’ve lost commentary for some reason and by the time that sentence is finished JR is back.

Off to Bubba who takes Lance down with a neckbreaker but Regal hits Bubba in the back of his recently concussed head to give Storm the advantage. Regal comes in as Kane arrives in the back. Everything breaks down and Spike ranas Storm off the top. Bubba catches the superkick from Storm and hits the Bubba Bomb. Spoke hits the Dudley Dog on Regal for the win and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This was one of those matches that was too short to go anywhere of note. Regal and Storm as the Unamericans were a solid team but the gimmick was only going to go so far, especially with Test weighing them down as their third man. Nothing to see here and thankfully D-Von would reunite with Bubba the next month.

Storm kicks Bubba in the head post match and Spike gets hit in the ribs over and over by Regal’s brass knuckles.

Trish is having her picture taken and has to talk to the photographer about her match with Victoria from last night. Jericho and Christian pop up and call Trish a w****. Apparently Jericho thinks Trish wants him. Geez is this some extreme foreshadowing? I really doubt it.

Here’s Eric with something to say. He praises last night’s HIAC match with Brock vs. Taker (it really was good) but he’s going to top it. How is he going to do that? Something called the Elimination Chamber. No word on what that is yet.

Test vs. D’Lo Brown

Stacy is referee so she can wear a revealing outfit. Test looks like an idiot with long hair and short tights. Stacy slaps Brown and rings the bell. Test launches him over with a big backdrop and pounds away in the corner. Brown gets his feet up to block a charge followed by a flying forearm. Brown drops a leg but Stacy interferes again. The Sky High hits but Stacy is tying her shoe instead of counting. The big boot from Test and a fast count give the Canadian the win. Stacy jumps in Test’s arms post match.

Victoria says that she isn’t lying about Trish sleeping her way to the top. Victoria is still insane here. Goldust pops up behind her to make fun of her in a Dustyesque voice. Booker shows up as well to do the same, minus the American Dream part.

Trish Stratus/Booker T/Goldust vs. Victoria/Chris Jericho/Christian

Trish has her full entrance and look down now. Jericho and Christian are tag champions which I think I mentioned earlier. The girls brawl to start and Trish fires off her kicks in the corner. Victoria drop toeholds her onto the bottom rope and it’s off to Christian vs. Trish as the genders don’t have to match here. Booker comes in to make this a bit more fair for Christian. A forearm puts Christian down and a side kick gets two. Victoria and her awesome rack distracts Booker and the Canadians take over.

Off to Jericho who pounds away but gets caught in the spinning sunset flip out of the corner. The fans are way into Booker which is a good sign. It means HHH has someone to beat at Wrestlemania for no other reason than HHH wants to win at Wrestlemania. Back to Christian who takes Booker down so Jericho can hit a top rope knee drop.

A spinebuster takes Jericho down and it’s off to Goldust. He cleans the lower level of the house, hitting a middle rope bulldog for two on Jericho. Trish comes in with a cross body to Jericho and Goldust kisses Victoria. Booker and Christian take each other out and Jericho takes Trish down and finishes her with the Walls of Jericho.

Rating: D+. This started off as ok but boring and evolved into a messy comedy (I think?) match. There was nothing of note going on here which is the problem with Raw at this point: it isn’t terrible but there’s no interest in it at all. The tag titles meant nothing at all at this point and wouldn’t for a very long time. Thankfully we had the Smackdow tag titles established last night and they tore the house down for a long time.

Booker saves Jericho post match.

Terri is at Kane’s door and we cut to HHH who says roll the footage. I’m sure you’ve at least heard of this before. It’s of a funeral home with a date of 1992. Kane (clearly HHH in a Kane mask and t-shirt that wouldn’t be released for another 9 years) comes up to the casket and talks to the dead “body” of Katie Vick. It’s a mannequin if that’s not coming through. Kane (it’s HHH the entire segment so don’t get confused. I know this segment can make you stupid but hang with me here) says that if Katie had let him touch her in the car, this wouldn’t have happened.

The idea is that Kane was driving and crashed, killing Katie. Katie “talks” to Kane, saying that apparently now that she’s dead she wants Kane. Kane talks about getting excited watching Katie cheerlead and he fondles her chest which is mosaiced. This is supposed to be something like a hidden video of a sex tape. Kane takes his shirt off and starts undressing the mannequin. He takes off her underwear and says he loves the smell of formaldehyde in the morning. Kane takes his jeans off and gets in the casket. Sounds are heard and we cut to shots of candles and flowers.

Usually I would give a long winded explanation of how awful this is for wrestling and how terrible it is, but I think the segment speaks for itself: it’s simulated necrophilia. I think that sums it up. When you look at the unemployment figures in this country, remember that someone came up with this idea and was paid to do so.

Al Snow vs. Tommy Dreamer

Singapore Cane match. We start with a cane duel and Snow gets in the first connecting shots to the legs. Out to the floor and Dreamer fires away more cane shots but Snow headbutts him down. Back in and Dreamer kicks Al low, followed by a missed cane shot from an interfering Nowitski to give Dreamer the pin. Nothing to see here.

Big Show vs. Rosey/Jamal/Rico

The big guys jump Show to start but he shoves all of them away with ease. The heavies are clotheslined to the floor and Show goes after Rico’s sideburns of doom. JR makes gay references about Rico and Show destroys more people. There’s a chokeslam to Jamal (Umaga) for the pin. Total squash for Show.

Post break Eric announces that Big Show has been traded to Smackdown. He would get the world title the next month over there. After Show leaves, Hurricane arrives (did he leave?) and stands in front of his own car. Ok then.

We get some clips of Shawn getting destroyed after his match with HHH at Summerslam. Shawn is in a wheelchair at The World (WWF New York) and says his rehab is going slowly. The final match he had with HHH can stand on its own merit as not only a great match but a tribute to God. HHH did indeed put him in a wheelchair like he said he would but Shawn vows vengeance and stands up. He’s coming for HHH again.

HHH/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

The good guys pound away on their respective feud partners (Van Dam beat Flair last night) in the corner and both heels get kicked in the face. Van Dam and Flair start and it’s the cartwheel moonsault to Naitch. A middle rope kick to the face puts him down again as HHH knocks Kane off the apron and it’s the barricade. Van Dan kicks the Game down but Flair breaks up the Five Star.

Van Dam gets sent into the post and seems to have hut his ankle. That gets two back inside as we’re finally into a normal tag team match. JR and King debate necrophilia, which isn’t something I expected I’d have to write. Off to Flair as JR is sounding ticked off. Flair and Van Dam slug it out but it’s off to HHH with the knee to the face. King tries to convince JR that necrophilia is funny but Captain Oklahoma isn’t convinced. HHH puts on the sleeper and Van Dam is in trouble.

The hold is broken and it’s off to Flair. Van Dam superkicks him down and Flair goes up and with JR verbally rolling his eyes, Flair gets slammed down. HHH comes in and beats on Van Dam, but Rob escapes and tags Kane. Never mind as the tag isn’t seen so it’s time to go back to the not interesting match.

Back in and Van Dam takes Flair down and makes the real tag. Kane cleans house as the announcers debate if necrophiliac and Hulkamaniac rhyme. This is what Raw has sunk to people. Van Dam goes up and gets crotched as Kane and HHH fight on the floor. They head up the ramp with HHH being rammed into the set. Van Dam kicks Flair in the face, hits Rolling Thunder and adds the Five Star for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not only was the match not that good, but it was based on necrophilia. I can’t emphasize that enough: this feud is continuing because HHH dressed up like Kane and pretended to have sex with a mannequin representing a corpse. JR sounded legitimately angry in this match and can you blame him at all?

In the back Kane destroys HHH in the back and throws him into various metal objects. Hurricane is standing next to his car with the trunk open. HHH tries a Pedigree but gets catapulted onto the hood of the car. There’s a chokeslam onto the hood and Kane throws HHH into the trunk and slams it shut. Kane sends Hurricane away and says to the trunk, and I quote, “Now I’m going to screw you. The only question is will you still be alive, or will I just wait until you’re dead.” Kane drives away with HHH in the trunk to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Ignoring the white elephant on this show, it wasn’t a good episode. There weren’t any good matches and a lot of the stuff felt like it was there to fill in two hours. The Elimination Chamber was mentioned but after the announcement it was barely mentioned again. This show was based around one of the stupidest stories of all time and it’s even worse than it seemed at the time. It’s in poor taste, it’s not funny, and it makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. Terrible show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 8, 1997
Location: Cincinnati Gardens, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 6,627
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

It’s the night after Ground Zero where Undertaker beat up Shawn in one of the best fights you’ll ever see. Shawn ran, which means we need to find a place to put them so Shawn can’t run anymore. The solution: a huge cage that surrounds the ring. Shawn will be trapped in there, like he’s in a nightmare. Get where I’m going with this? Let’s get to it.

We open with stills from the show last night which also show Bret retaining the title against the Patriot.

Theme song.

Here’s Vince to open the show and bring in Sgt. Slaughter, the commissioner. Slaughter promises to maintain order in the WWF because that’s what Gorilla Monsoon (president of the company) ordered him to do. As for Austin, he’s suspended until Slaughter gets medical clearance for him. There’s going to be a tournament for Austin’s IC Title with the finals at Bad Blood. Austin will be there to forfeit the title and hand the belt to the new champion.

This brings out Austin to make fun of Slaughter’s ample gut. He says he won’t deliver the title to anyone and gives Slaughter a Stunner. Vince gets in Austin’s face but referees pull them apart. I don’t think Vince had been revealed as the owner of the company yet so Austin looks like he’s bullying an announcer. Austin jumps in on commentary because he feels like it. Then he jumps off commentary.

Post break Vince and JR complain about Austin. We get a clip of Austin stunning JR last night and what happened a few minutes ago.

Austin is being thrown out of the building.

We recap Bret vs. Vader from a few weeks ago when Vader snapped and the Hart Foundation had to save Bret, resulting in Vader being attacked by five guys. Then Vader went after Bret during Bret’s match with the Patriot, leading to this.

Bret Hart vs. Vader

No holds barred and this is non-title with Bret as world champion. Bret runs down Cincinnati for naming a street after Pete Rose. What did Rose ever do to the WWF to deserve all the stuff he gets from them? Bret nails Vader with the belt as he gets in and pounds away in the corner to start. The place erupts when Vader comes back and he gets the belt for a shot to Bret’s back.

Vader breaks the Canadian flag and Bret tries to run. They head to the floor and Vader gets sent into the steps which are then dropped on his back. Vader shrugs that off and here comes the Bulldog as we take a break. Back with Vader punching Bret in the face back inside. Bulldog is still on the ramp. Bret kicks Vader low and drops some forearms to the face. Some headbutts stagger Vader and there’s a snap suplex.

Bret undoes the pad on a buckle but doesn’t get it off. Vader splashes Bret in the corner and sends him chest first into the buckle. The powerbomb lays Bret out but Bulldog breaks up the Vader Bomb. The Foundation pounds Vader in the corner until the Patriot comes out for the save. Owen comes out and Bret gets a chair to knock out both Americans. The Harts load up a piledriver on a chair for Patriot but Austin runs in for the save. He chases the Harts off with the chair and the match is thrown out.

Rating: B-. There’s a reason 1997 is remembered so fondly: the wrestling was great in the main event scene and this was a good example. This was a very good brawl with both guys pounding away on each other and neither guy backing down at all. Austin coming in at the end was fine but the match being thrown out was a bit annoying. Fun opener though.

We recap the Headbangers winning the tag titles last night.

We come back to the arena to see the Godwinns destroying some jobbers. They want to face the Headbangers right now.

Headbangers vs. Godwinns

This is non-title. The non-champions jump the champions as they come in and we start with Phineas and Thrasher. The Godwinn takes over and it’s quickly off to Henry who runs Thrasher over as well. Phineas comes in and charges into a boot, allowing Thrasher to tag in Mosh. Everything breaks down and the Godwinns’ new manager comes in, blasts Mosh in the back of the head, and gives Phineas the pin. This was short and stupid considering the Bangers are the new champions.

Henry introduces the guy as Uncle Cleetus, played by former wrestler TL Hopper/The Dirty White Boy.

House show ads.

We recap Goldust losing to Pillman last night, resulting in Goldust losing Marlena to Pillman for 30 days. This was supposed to result in Marlena leaving Goldie for Pillman but Pillman died before this could happen.

Here’s Sunny who still looks great here. Apparently she’s going to be interviewing people outside of the showers tonight. First though, she’s ring announcing.

Intercontinental Title Tournament: Dude Love vs. Brian Pillman

Dude and Austin had been tag champions until last night when they had to forfeit due to Austin’s neck injury. Dude says he’s not in the groove tonight so he brings out Goldust for moral support. Goldie has half of his face painted and half with the usual skin. Pillman is the hometown boy….but he’s not here. His voice comes in over the phone saying that he’s not going to be here until the company guarantees him and Pillman a safe environment. Plus he’s exhausted from last night. Pillman does however have a tape called Brian Pillman’s X-Files.

It’s Pillman in a hotel room in a towel with a camera set up like he’s going to shoot a sex video. He’s smoking a cigar but there’s no Marlena in sight. Pillman holds up her underwear and drops the towel to reveal his underwear. Ok then. Part 2 is coming later. Presumably dude advances.

Hour #2 starts.

Piratita Morgan vs. Max Mini

Great. It’s a midget match. Morgan is a pirate and Mini is a very small guy who can fly all over the place. Last night Max jumped in Jerry’s lap and put the crown on which was amusing. They head to the floor almost immediately and Mini hits an Asai Moonsault. He follows that up with a suicide somersault plancha. Back inside and Max hooks a crucifix for the pin. This was pure filler.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Shawn was a hero for a long time but he was the guest referee at Summerslam and cost Undertaker the title with a missed chair shot. Then he turned full on heel with another chair shot later on Raw.

There go the lights and here he comes. Taker talks about how last night he and Shawn opened the gates of Hell and now they’re going to be locked inside of it at Bad Blood. Shawn pops up on screen and says he’ll survive no matter what happens in the Cell. He’s not going down alone though because if he goes into the coffin, Taker is going with him. Taker says nothing of note to end the segment.

Owen says he isn’t concerned with Austin lurking around.

Here are the tournament brackets:

Dude Love

Brian Pillman

Goldust

Owen Hart

Ken Shamrock

Faarooq

Ahmed Johnson

Rocky Maivia

So Dude doesn’t advance. I guess he’ll have to (a)bide his time until the match happens for real.

Intercontinental Title Tournament: Owen Hart vs. Goldust

Goludust charges in and pounds away on Owen, clotheslining him to the floor. Goldie drops him throat first on the barricade and hits a bulldog. Owen finally low blows him to get a breather and then take over. Owen still has his jacket on. A middle rope elbow hits Goldust so Goldust hits Owen low twice for the DQ to advance Owen.

The Harts come in for the post match beatdown but Austin comes in through the crowd with a broom to clean (hehe) house.

Austin leaves through the crowd and it’s time for part 2 of the Pillman X-Files. Pillman says this segment can’t go on long because Terri needs a shower, which she’s apparently in now. Pillman says to get a good night’s sleep because he certainly won’t be.

The Hart Foundation isn’t pleased with what just happened. Smith is ready for Shawn at One Night Only, a British PPV.

Here’s Savio Vega for commentary for the main event for some reason. He won a triple threat match last night and the main event is a triple threat so his expertise is needed here.

Patriot vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. British Bulldog

Shawn and HHH jump the Bulldog on his way to the ring. They ram his knee into the ramp and crush it with a chair to set up the match at One Night Only. Back from a break and Savio has jumped into the match and is replacing Bulldog I guess. This is back when the match wasn’t a total cliché that was required at least once a month. HHH gets double teamed and elbowed down but the alliance ends quickly with Patriot clotheslining HHH down and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.

Savio gets knocked to the floor and HHH drops a knee on Patriot for two. HHH pounds away on Patriot’s head but Savio comes gets jealous and pounds away on Patriot instead. I’ve never understood the logic behind that: why not let HHH expend energy and then jump him later on? Shawn comes out for commentary as we take a break.

Back with Savio hitting a spinwheel kick in the corner on HHH, followed by a DDT from Patriot on the future Game for two. Patriot and Savio take turns beating on HHH but neither guy can get more than a one. Patriot suplexes Savio down but HHH breaks it up before there’s even a cover. Savio tries a sunset flip on HHH and after Patriot breaks up HHH’s hold on the ropes, it gets two.

The fans are booing something here and to be fair, it’s probably the match as it’s not working at all for the most part. Shawn is ripping Vince apart on commentary because of how stupid Vince sounds. Savio kicks HHH’s head off, making Shawn speak Spanish. Savio puts a headscissors on HHH and Patriot puts a headscissors on Savio at the same time as we take a break.

Back with Patriot chopping away on Savio and vice versa. HHH breaks up a cover on Savio and the booing gets louder. Patriot and HHH literally stand still and choke each other as a LOUD boring chant breaks out. Vince complains about Shawn’s change of attitude. Shawn: “Well it was you that told me to change.”

The Pedigree is countered and Savio lands on the referee. HHH throws Patriot to the floor and loads up a Pedigree on Savio, only to be catapulted into Patriot, crotching the guy that comes out to Kurt Angle’s music (Patriot if you’re kind of slow). Savio kicks HHH’s head off but Shawn distracts him before the cover. HHH rams Savio into the Patriot and rolls up Vega for the pin.

Rating: D-. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA??? They should be made to sit and watch this match over and over again until they scream for mercy. I mean DANG this didn’t work at all. Someone thought giving this SEVENTEEN MINUTES was a good idea. Savio comes completely out of nowhere (he had been feuding with the original Nation of Domination) and jumps in the match, which makes absolutely no sense. Taking Bulldog out was a problem as at least he would have given us three distinct groups (Harts, Anti-Harts, future DX) in the match, but instead it was a total mess and VERY dull. Terrible main event.

DX (not yet named that) all get chairs as Vader, Patriot and Savio surround the ring. The Harts come out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The main event cripples this show something fierce. Usually one match isn’t going to hurt a show this badly, but when it’s this dull and goes on for nearly TWENTY MINUTES, it’s going to bring things down. Other than that this was pretty good stuff with the Harts still looking awesome and the Cell on the horizon, which means the introduction of Kane. 1997 was an awesome year for the company from a quality standpoint and it was clear that once they got the fans’ attention, WCW was going to be in real trouble. Well, as long as you keep Savio and the Patriot away from each other.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 8, 2002
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

You know, I constantly say how much I hate 2002 Raw, and yet this is the 11^th episode of it that I’ll have reviewed already. I plan on doing them all starting soon, and I’ll already be a fifth done with them. Interestingly enough, only one show has been after July. Anyway, we’re between KOTR and Vengeance here, which means Undertaker is world champion. The only thing I recognize on the card is a match that is in the running for worst TV match ever, so that’s likely why this was requested. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the 4^th of July show with Angle making Undertaker tap out at the same time Undertaker pinned him.

Vince pops up to start and says Undertaker has the night off. Taker will however be on Smackdown to welcome Rock back. The main event for Vengeance is Rock vs. Taker vs. Angle for the title.

Theme song.

Here’s Booker to open the show. This is just after he was literally kicked out of the NWO. He rants about X-Pac, compares him to Chuck E. Cheese, and wants him tonight. Booker knows he might get beaten down but you have to do that to get some respect. Instead he gets Eddie Guerrero. Eddie says this isn’t about Booker, because the Dudleys stole a win from him. Last week Eddie promised Benoit that he would take out his anger on the first guy he saw, and with that the fight is on.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T

Booker pounds on him to start and a knee to the ribs looks to set up the ax kick, only for Eddie to get in a shot to the knee and take over. A rollup with feet on the ropes gets two for Eddie and this is going slow already. Eddie suplexes him down and hits a neckbreaker for two. Booker comes out of nowhere with his corner sunset flip for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was about three minutes of punching and kicking followed by a nearly botched sunset flip out of the corner. For two world champion level guys, you kind of expect a bit more. That being said, this was pretty much normal for Raw around this time, as nothing was really clicking at all.

Post match Eddie tries to jump Booker again but gets kicked in the face. Benoit runs in and it’s a double beatdown on Booker. Goldust comes out for the save but gets beaten down as well. Here are Bubba and Spike with chairs to take out Benoit and Eddie for the real save.

A familiar name is coming to WWE. His name: Rey Mysterio.

Goldust asks for Booker’s hand. Dancing ensues but Booker says this is serious. Goldust talks about going down and skips off. Booker superkicks a vendor that looks like X-Pac. Did I mention Booker is more or less the top face on Raw at this point?

Trish and Jackie Gayda are in the back and we get clips of Jackie vs. Molly from last week. Molly won so Trish came out and ripped Molly’s pants off. Jackie accuses Trish of being jealous and oh my goodness she makes Stephanie look like a classic actress. Christopher Nowitski pops up and insults Trish because of her cowboy hat. Trish suggests a mixed tag with those two against herself and some partner. Nowitski makes cowboy jokes and Trish says her partner will be Bradshaw.

We get a famous Rock moment of him driving Lillian crazy.

Chris Benoit vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Spike and Bubba are in the back when Goldust, dressed as Benjamin Franklin, claims to have traveled through time after having seen what the Dudleys did earlier to save Goldust and Booker. Franklindust proposes that the Dudleys team up with Booker and Goldust to fight the NWO. Goldie says he wanted to punch Thomas Jefferson a time or two but they’re all in this together. Did I mention this is the top feud on Raw at the moment? We cut back to Benoit and Guerrero (his second) standing in the ring and Benoit’s face makes it look like he wishes he was still healing from a broken neck.

Benoit jumps Benoit to start and takes him down with a forearm to the face. Benoit keeps pounding on him so Bubba chops back in the corner. There’s a belly to back suplex to Benoit but an Eddie distraction keeps the backsplash from being launched. It’s not like it would have hit anyway. The Canadian hits a German on the American and they chop it out a bit before the American hits a German on the Canadian. A big sidewalk slam puts Benoit down and Eddie jumps Spike. There’s the Bubba Bomb to Benoit but Eddie throws Spike at the referee. Benoit uses the distraction to grab the Crossface for the submission.

Rating: C. It was better than the previous match because of the intensity in it, but was this really the best thing they could use Benoit for after he came back from injury? The match was barely long enough to rate and it was nothing interesting at all. Bubba Ray Dudley is roughly the third biggest face on the show right now, which should give you a good idea of how things were.

Post match the former Radicalz beat the Dudleys down until Booker and Goldust make the save.

Christopher Nowitski (notice the repetition of names tonight?) takes us on a tour of Harvard’s athletics department.

We get some clips from last week’s ladder match with Hardy vs. Undertaker.

Flair is praising Jeff in the back for trying last week when Steven Richards come up. We get Flair vs. Richards tonight, because in 2002 we use guys like Flair and Benoit to put over guys like Steven Richards and Bubba Ray Dudley, and by put over I mean beat them in three and a half minute matches that no one will remember by the end of the show because there was nothing to them.

Trish Stratus/Bradshaw vs. Christopher Nowitski/Jackie Gayda

JR warns us that Nowitski and Gayda are very green still, so you know this isn’t going to be pretty. The men start and they get down in three point stances but Chris runs. Gayda gets the tag which brings in Trish because the genders have to match. Trish hits some Japanese armdrags and a dropkick for two before charging at the ropes, not hitting Jackie, and bouncing back into the ring. Jackie literally falls onto Trish and the Philly fans let them have it.

She chokes Trish on the ropes….by pulling Trish’s throat away from the rope. Off to the guys again with Bradshaw kicking Chris in the face and hitting the fallaway slam for no cover. Jackie jumps on Bradshaw’s back….and the guys run into the crowd, leaving these two girls in the ring. Alone. IN PHILADELPHIA. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA???

Back in the ring, Trish chops away with Jackie looking like she’s dancing instead of selling. Jackie chokes away in the opposite corner and puts Trish on the top. WHO TOLD HER SHE KNEW HOW TO DO A SUPERPLEX??? Thank goodness Trish knocks her away and tries a bulldog. Stratus jumps, her forearm hits Jackie in the back of the head…..and Jackie doesn’t move. Trish hits the mat and THEN Jackie falls down on her side. Trish rolls her up and the referee counts three even though Jackie kicks out at two. JR: “And mercifully it’s over.”

Rating: P. For Philadelphia. The WWE agents thought it was ok to leave Trish Stratus, who wasn’t good yet, and JACKIE GAYDA, in her THIRD MATCH, alone in the ring in Philadelphia. This may in fact be the dumbest decision in the history of the company, and that’s covering A LOT of ground.

Eddie and Benoit yell about the four guys they’ve dealt with tonight. X-Pac and Big Show come up and say chill. Shawn follows the NWO and says that we’re getting a speech in a second from Nash.

Rock moment shows him making fun of whoever he happens to be feuding with at the time.

Here’s the NWO because what would this show be without them? Shawn says you’re either with the NWO or you’re against them. We get a clip from King of the Ring where HHH seemed interested about joining them and apparently HHH has officially been offered a spot. Shawn talks about the Kliq and most people don’t seem interested. Fan: “GET TO THE POINT!” HHH hasn’t responded to their offer yet so Shawn thinks HHH is going soft because of the fans. HHH has until Vengeance to join or else.

Nash says that tonight, the NWO is going to take out Booker tonight and that’s a message to the Game. It’s his first match back from the injured list. Remember that as it’ll be important later. Tonight it’s a ten man tag with the three NWO guys, Benoit and Eddie vs. the Dudleys/Booker/Goldust/whoever else they can get. This took nearly ten minutes somehow.

Ric Flair vs. Steven Richards

Flair pounds him into the corner to start like some legend beating down some midcard guy that never really got over other than for a few months. Flair pounds on him in the other corner now and we head to the floor. Back in and Flair gets backdropped but avoids a dropkick. Flair blocks a suplex, hits a belly to back of his own, and ends it with the Figure Four.

Rating: D. Total squash here and I have no idea why. Is this really the best they can do with Flair? I mean, you can’t have him feud with Benoit or Guerrero and let him get one of those guys over? Flair doesn’t need to win these matches and they’re not helping Richards, nor are they doing anything for Flair, so what’s the point? Better question: why am I expecting a point?

Rock has sung a lot. He’s coming back to Smackdown though, probably because there’s no one on Raw worth his time.

Here are Heyman and the KOTR and #1 contender, Brock Lesnar. Heyman talks about how whoever wins the triple threat is going to be the lamb led to slaughter at Summerslam. Lesnar gets RVD for the IC Title at Vengeance which Heyman declares a win already. Heyman knows this because he created RVD (and never put the world title on him for no apparent reason) along with everyone else in ECW. He made them to satiate the blood thist (his terms) of these Philadelphia fans.

This brings out Tommy Dreamer with a kendo stick. Guess what the fans start chanting. Dreamer says Heyman didn’t make anyone. It was the people working so hard that made ECW along with the fans. Dreamer says he used to be the Innovator of Violence and he can take whatever beating Brock can give him. He hits Brock with the stick a few times and goes after Heyman, only to walk into the F5 on the floor. Van Dam comes out of nowhere for the save. Heyman takes a Van Terminator.

Pat Croce, the former boss of the Philadelphia 76ers, is here to talk about his new show Slam Ball, which is this freaky idea that had basketball being played with trampolines.

European Title: Jeff Hardy vs. William Regal

Regal is defending of course. Jeff starts fast and hits the Whisper in the Wind for two. The legdrop between the legs keeps Regal down and they head outside. Regal gets in some stomps and takes over before hitting a Tiger Bomb in the ring for two. Regal Cutter gets two as well and Regal takes Jeff’s head off with a running knee. The champ puts on a kind of Tazmission which doesn’t last long followed by some elbows for two. Regal goes to take off the buckle pad and gets dropkicked into the corner. That and a Swanton are enough for the pin and the title for Jeff.

Rating: C-. Another short match that didn’t mean anything. Jeff would look to be in line for a push here, but the title would be retired in two weeks because someone thought it was a good idea to have one champion per show for some reason that no one ever really explained. Jeff would do nothing of note before leaving in 2003.

This is your life Rock!

Regal starts to cry in the back. This also went nowhere as far as I remember.

The Dudleys ask RVD to be their partner.

NWO/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley/Rob Van Dam/Booker T/Goldust

Van Dam and X-Pac start things off which is one of the best possible combinations they could put out there. Van Dam takes over with a lot of kicks and gets two off a big one. Off to Goldie who pounds away in the corner before hitting a powerslam for no cover. Here’s Bubba, who somehow seems to be the guy on the face team getting the biggest push out of all of them.

Off to Spike with a headscissor takeover but he tries one too many flips and is taken down by a kick. Pac brings in Benoit who lays out Spike with a gordbuster before bringing in Eddie. After a bit more beating, a BIG monkey flip sends Eddie flying. Benoit comes in to suplex RVD down and it’s time for Big Show. Van Dam keeps playing Ricky Morton for awhile with X-Pac choking away.

Van Dam comes out of nowhere with a superkick but Shawn breaks up the Five Star. A spin kick from Rob allows for the hot tag to Bubba who cleans as much house as he can. Shawn trips Bubba and is chased to the back by Van Dam. As Van Dam is chasing him, Lesnar pops out and takes Rob’s head off with a clothesline and lays him out with the F5. Bubba gets slammed by Show and it’s off to Benoit again. Make that Eddie as you can see who is doing all the work here.

Hot tag brings in Booker who cleans the house all over again but Nash hits him in the back of the head. Here’s the tag to Nash and let’s time this. A big boot takes Booker down and then Nash goes over to the face corner, trips over Booker, and rips his quad apart, putting him on the shelf until April. Everything breaks down and Sweet Chin Music and a chokeslam end Booker.

Rating: D-. So let’s see: we had Benoit and Eddie doing all the work, Bubba and Spike doing nothing of note, Booker doing the job, and the NWO getting to look good. Other than them, who benefits from this? This was all about the NWO which did nothing at all their entire run. Thankfully due to Nash’s injury the team was split up the next week. This match sucked though and is a perfect way to cap off the awful show.

Shawn warns HHH to join or else to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Nothing good happened on this show. Literally, there was nothing to see here at all. The best match is Benoit vs. Bubba which was nothing more than a setup for later in the show. It had one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen and some of the least interesting feuds in wrestling history. Who is the top face here? Van Dam? Booker? Bubba? It’s really hard to tell and that’s not good. This was the problem they were risking by having Austin be the only top guy and they had to bring HHH over soon to give them a star to save the show, which led to the disaster that was 2003. Horrible HORRIBLE show here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 24, 2012
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

There are two top stories tonight and both of them involve health issues. First and foremost we have Jerry Lawler’s first interview since having his heart attack two weeks ago. This should be a feel good moment which is always cool to see. Other than that we have the recently operated on John Cena talking about his timetable for a return to the ring. Let’s get to it.

Punk and Heyman are in the ring to start. Punk is in a chair and Heyman says that the show won’t be going on until justice is served. We get a clip from the end of last week’s show with the referee missing Punk having his foot on the ropes. Heyman asks Brad Maddox, the referee and former FCW wrestler, to come out here, apologize, and tender his resignation.

Maddox comes out and says that it was his first main event match and he was nervous. He admits he was wrong but he isn’t going to resign. Punk pops out of the chair and yells at Maddox, asking how he got this job. Maddox says that AJ called him when Raw expanded to three hours. Heyman goes into an NFL-inspired rant about how Maddox is a replacement and pulls out an eye cover with the WWE and NFL logos on them.

This brings out AJ who says that Heyman needs to stop making assumptions. Punk goes on a huge rant against AJ, talking about how he’s the reason she has a job. He accuses AJ of hating him because of the whole jilting storyline from over the summer. After a clip of Punk turning down her proposal, Punk talks about how AJ sent him a bunch of texts and wore his shirt all the time. Punk implies that AJ skips because of how good the sex was with him.

Heyman asks if he can take over and drops to a knee in front of AJ…..and asks her to marry him. He talks about how powerful of a couple they would be, even outranking HHH and Stephanie. Heyman will come up with all of the ideas and AJ can take credit for all of the brilliance. She smiles a bit and slaps him in the face before leaving.

Post break Maddox talks to AJ who says that if what happened last week happens again, Maddox will never work in this business again. AJ says this while looking on the verge of another nervous breakdown. She stops responding to him while looking off into the distance.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kington

Another Twitter induced match here. Truth is here with a soda and popcorn. Vickie makes fun of Little Jimmy and the end result is Vickie taking the soda to the face. Vickie and Truth get ejected before the match starts. Kofi knocks Dolph to the floor quickly and hits a BIG flip dive to take Ziggler out as we take a break. Back with Ziggler in control and avoiding a charge in the corner. A reverse powerslam gets two for Dolph.

Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and hooks on the chinlock. It’s so much nicer to have Cole being neutral here like he was last week. It’s making a notable difference. Ziggler misses a splash in the corner and the comeback is on. The Boom Drop hits but the kick is caught. SOS is countered but Kofi hits the pendulum kick in the corner. Springboard right hand gets two as does the springboard crossbody. Kofi misses a shot and there’s the Fameasser for two for Dolph. This is getting good. Zig Zag is blocked and the SOS gets a VERY close two.

Kofi goes to the corner but jumps into a dropkick. Ziggler’s feet are caught in a catapult to send Ziggler into the corner. He jumps at Kofi but Kingston rolls away into the corner, coming off the top with a HUGE spinning crossbody for an even closer two. The kick misses again and the Zig Zag FINALLY gets the pin at 11:04.

Rating: B+. There’s a lot to say about this one. First of all, WHAT A MATCH. This was one of the most exciting TV matches I’ve seen in months with some insane near falls. More importantly though, THIS is why Ziggler got over in the first place: having these awesome matches and making it look like he could beat anyone. They desperately need to rebuild him as he’s clearly destined for the world title, but having him lose all the time and then giving him the title is going to ruin what could be a good title reign by making him look like a loser. Have him get some wins like this and the problem goes away though. Great match.

We get a recap of the awesome ending to Smackdown with Kane and Bryan having their psycho bonding moment resulting in a pile of bodies around them.

Earlier today, Bryan and Dr. Shelby had lunch and Shelby has an idea for how to build trust with Kane and Bryan. Kane comes up and is apparently the waiter. Bryan orders the steamed vegetable platter and a tag partner who isn’t a freak. Shelby says this isn’t Kane, but rather Gerald the friendly waiter. Gerald says there’s a new cook because the old one got on his nerves. Apparently the old cook had his face dipped in a deep fryer and his beard was sprinkled over every meal served today. Shelby asks Kane if he’s serious, but Kane says his name is Gerald.

You get to name the team name for Bryan and Kane.

Prime Time Players vs. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder

See how easy it is to get people on the roster doing stuff? This is where a tag division can help you: you can get people on the show and you can get a lot of them at once. Ryder and Young start things off with the former getting caught in a flapjack for two. Ryder misses a cross body and hits the ropes, followed by a Young chinlock. Zack fights up and dives into a tag to Santino, who hits his usual stuff and gets two off a headbutt. Things break down for a second and Titus gets a blind tag. He blocks the Cobra and the Clash of the Titus gets the pin at 1:54.

There’s a special guest here tonight.

Here’s Mick Foley who is indeed the special guest. He’s here as a member of the WWE Universe who occasionally sees things on Raw that move him. A year ago, he saw the emergence of CM Punk. Foley talks about how Punk was the voice of the voiceless and here’s the champ to interrupt him. Punk tells Foley not to grandstand out here and asks for respect.

Foley talks about how a year ago, he sent a text to Punk after Punk won the title, asking how it felt to be the biggest star in the business. Two minutes later, Punk replied saying that it meant a lot to hear that coming from Foley. Foley believes he’s one of the only people that Punk responded to that night, so as someone Punk has deemed relevant, Foley is concerned about Punk’s change of attitude and his alignment of Paul Heyman.

Punk yells at the fans and tells Foley that Foley has no idea what he’s talking about. Foley says he used to be a Paul Heyman guy until he stopped listening to Heyman, which is when he finally became something in this business. Foley thinks Punk has been listening to Heyman for a lot longer than a month. Punk doesn’t but it but Foley says that he isn’t accusing Heyman of lying through his teeth, but rather of looking out for himself instead of Punk.

Foley asks a very interesting question: why would one of the best talkers of all time need a mouthpiece? Punk has to decide if he’s going to be an inspiration or a Kool-Aid drinker. If Punk doesn’t want to talk about that, Foley can talk about something he certainly knows about: Hell in a Cell. Fourteen years ago Foley was thrown off the Cell and since then, he hasn’t had to earn any kind of respect. He lists off some names that have earned respect in the Cell like Shawn, Undertaker and HHH, but Punk doesn’t seem impressed.

Punk asks if Foley wants the old CM Punk. Foley says he wants Punk to show that he’s the best in the world by stepping inside the Cell with John Cena. The fans want it too but Punk talks about how he’s heard this speech from Foley and Cena and Hart and look where he is now: in the ring with someone else beneath him. Punk has done everything that everyone has told him he had to do to earn respect but he hasn’t gotten it yet. He talks about Foley jumping off a house and setting himself on fire and all those things, but Punk isn’t going to lower himself to that.

Punk talks about the amount of days that he’s been world champion, whereas Foley says the important number is 29. That’s the amount of time that Foley held the title in his three reigns. It’s not stats and numbers that make you a legend but the moments that you have in the ring. Foley has talked to AJ and even though Cena has had elbow surgery, he should be ready for the PPV. It’s up to Punk if he wants to fight Cena in the Cell. Great segment here as Foley can still talk with the best of them. Punk looks a little shaken.

The Miz vs. Ryback

Non-title here. Miz gets in a single shot to start and is launched across the ring. Ryback misses a charge into the corner but Miz’s neckbreaker is countered into a powerslam. Ryback slams the champ’s head into the mat and Miz bails to the floor. Miz manages to kick him into the barricade and hits some kicks to the head and the low DDT back in the ring for one. A powerbomb kills Miz and we’ve got a fan in the ring. There’s the clothesline to take Miz’s head off. Shell Shock and Miz is done at 2:56. Basically a squash which is a great sign for Ryback.

Back to Kane and Bryan who are now eating lunch together. Kane says they’ll never be friends and Bryan agrees. They reminisce over making eight people scream with Kane pounding the table like he hit the guys and Bryan shouting YES over and over. Mae Young pops up and says she’ll have what they’re having, ala When Harry Met Sally. These two are pure gold together right now and this was another hilarious segment.

AJ talks to the referees in the back and reenforces the fact that there won’t be instant replay in the WWE. She says that it’s ok to make mistakes and go have a great rest of the show. They leave and here are Alberto and company. Tonight it’s Alberto/Otunga/Ricardo vs. Sheamus/Sin Cara/Mysterio. AJ leaves and Ricardo is all fired up about this.

Wade Barrett vs. Tyson Kidd

Kidd fires off some dropkicks to start but gets kicked in the ribs to slow him down. Barrett puts him in the ropes and kicks him in the face and out to the floor. I’m digging this slower pace from Barrett and the beard is a great touch. Back in and Kidd gets his sunset rollup for two but walks into the Boss Man Slam for two. The forearm/elbow to the head which is called the Souvenir knocks Kidd out for the pin at 2:20.

It’s time for the interview with Lawler who is sitting on a freaking throne. That’s awesome. Lawler gets a huge ovation. His voice isn’t sounding right but it’s because he had a ventilator down his throat for so long. Lawler says he remembers Hart and Punk having their confrontation but he doesn’t remember anything after that. He doesn’t even remember his match that night. When he woke up, he thought he was in Aruba with his girlfriend where he had been two weeks before the heart attack.

Lawler is overwhelmed by the response and thanks the fans for their love. Cole asks the big question: when is Lawler going to be back? Jerry says this was a long time coming, as he had to sit by Cole for three hours every week and anyone would have a heart attack from that. He’ll be back as soon as his doctors say it’s ok for him to do so. This was an awesome moment.

Ricardo Rodriguez/David Otunga/Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio/Sheamus/Sin Cara

Ricardo introduces himself in a funny spot. This is joined in progress after a break with Otunga getting beaten up by Sheamus. Cara and Mysterio hit big dives through the ropes to take out Alberto and Ricardo, but it seems to have hurt Rey’s knee. Cara comes in and speeds things up against Ricardo who is wrestling in a tux. Rey is back on the apron now. A shot to the back of Cara’s head gets two and it’s off to Del Rio.

Alberto kicks Cara in the ribs and hits a Rollins Blackout for two. Ricardo comes back in and goes for Cara’s mask, only to get arm dragged down. Hot tag brings in Rey who speeds things up and hits his kicks to the head for two. Rey goes up but gets caught by a running enziguri to the head for two. The Prime Time Players are watching in the back. Back to Ricardo who gets some basic stomps and brings in Otunga. Make that Alberto as the heels are tagging in and out very fast as is the custom in WWE anymore.

Del Rio hits another running enzugri for another two and it’s off to a chinlock with a knee in the back. Rey fights up and hits a dropkick and makes the tag to Sheamus. Otunga escapes White Noise and ducks the Brogue Kick before tagging in Rodriguez. There are the ten forearms and one more after the shirt is ripped open. 619 takes out Ricardo but he has to beat up Alberto. Sin Cara comes in with a springboard Swanton for the pin on Ricardo at 7:46 shown.

Rating: C. This was fine for what it was. The good guys got to beat up the bad guys, but we need another opponent for Sheamus. I’ve heard rumors of a name but I don’t want to spoil it. Either way it’s WAY better than Alberto, so hopefully the announcement of the next feud is made on Friday because I can’t take more of Del Rio’s whining. This was fine and felt like a fun house show main event.

Otunga takes a Brogue Kick post match.

Back to the diner with Shelby, Kane and Bryan all at the table now. The waitress brings a plate of vegetables and a plate of meatballs and puts them in front of the opposite person that would usually eat either. Both take bites to learn how the other half lives. Kane belches loudly and Bryan says it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be before vomiting on Shelby’s lap. Kane of course bends over to look and says check please.

Cole gives us the options for Kane and Bryan’s team name:

Team Teamwork

Team HELL NO

Team Friendship

The team is officially named…….Team HELL NO by a pretty wide margin. That’s the name I was hoping for. As they stand there though, Sandow and Rhodes run in and jump the champions. Cody names their team Team Rhodes Scholars.

We recap Heyman proposing to AJ earlier as well as Foley and Punk.

Layla/Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix

Layla and Beth start but it’s quickly off to Alicia for a sunset flip out of the corner for two. Beth powerslams her down and hits a slingshot suplex as she tags in Eve for the neckbreaker and the pin at 1:30.

Post match Kaitlyn comes out and says she found the security footage of her attack. The face couldn’t be seen, but it was a blonde. Eve accuses Beth but she says no. Eve decks Beth and lays her out with the neckbreaker.

Brodus Clay vs. Tensai

They charge at each other and fight over a tieup. Brodus headbutts him down and hits the suplex but the splash misses. Tensai’s backsplash misses….and here’s Big Show. Tensai gets knocked out for the DQ at 1:48.

Brodus charges into a knockout punch too.

Orton vs. Big Show on Friday.

Here’s Cena to close things out. The fans are mostly booing him even though his arm is in a sling at the moment. He wasn’t supposed to be here but he needed to be here to thank the fans personally. He thanks the fans for their support of the cancer research support which is very cool. Cena says it’s been a rough week and it sounds great to hear those boos again. We get a Cena chant and there isn’t any sucking involved.

Cena wants to apologize to Chad Patton and Brad Maddox, the referees that have been in trouble. He says consider the source, and also apologizes for Punk. Punk has misquoted Cena by saying that leaving Night of Champions as champion would be a moment. Cena goes into a PG tirade which makes me chuckle for some reason. He also wants to apologize for the sling he’s in. Cena can’t guarantee anything other than he’s going to walk into HIAC as a fighter.

That brings out Punk and Heyman with the champ saying that Cena should be a politician. There’s one CM Punk and he beat Cena at Money in the Bank last year and back to back years at Summerslam. Punk isn’t about to lose to a one armed man, so Cena says why don’t you just fight me in the Cell and see what happens. The champ says no with a reason being that Cena keeps getting title shots.

That’s not the top reason though. Cena isn’t going to be medically cleared because of what Punk is going to do to him. Punk says run because if Cena is around when Punk turns back around, he’s going to hurt John like he hasn’t been hurt in a long time. Punk turns around and counts but Cena pulls out a lead pipe. Heyman runs and Cena hits Punk in the ribs with the pipe. Cena: “REAL MEN WEAR PINK!” John says that’s a pipe bomb as Punk crawls away to end the show.

Actually scratch that as Punk is shown in the back walking by a line of people.  Foley looks at him but Punk keeps walking.  Punk turns around and kicks Foley in the groin.  He turns around and sees RYBACK.  Punk backs away terrified to really end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I don’t know what changed in the WWE lately but they’re on a roll. Since Night of Champions there’s an energy that this company hasn’t had in a long time and it’s showing off. Between the tag division actually existing and Bryan/Kane stealing every show and Punk nailing it on the mic and Sheamus FINALLY not feuding with Del Rio anymore and a bunch of new guys getting pushes, things are really looking up around here. This was another good and entertaining show, and it’s so nice to be able to say that about Raw again.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag

Prime Time Players b. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder – Clash of the Titus to Marella

Ryback b. The Miz – Shell Shock

Wade Barrett b. Tyson Kidd – Souvenir

Sheamus/Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Ricardo Rodriguez/David Otunga/Alberto Del Rio – Springboard Swanton Bomb to Rodriguez

Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix b. Layla/Alicia Fox – Swinging Neckbreaker to Fox

Tensai b. Brodus Clay via DQ when Big Show interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 10, 2000
Location: National Car Rental Center, Sunrise, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well after that mess of a 2002 show I just did, this is my reward I guess. We’re just after Wrestlemania and HHH is still champion. Other than that there isn’t much to say other than we need an opponent for the title at Backlash. I’m not sure why this was requested by given that it’s 2000, I’d bet on it being something to do with the Rock. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Rock to open the show and the place erupts. We’re near Miami so that has something to do with it I’m sure. Rock has video from last week of Vince which has nothing to do with a 900lb tuna and a pair of chopsticks. It’s from Smackdown with Vince hitting a referee to keep Rock from pinning I think Road Dogg. Rock laid out Vince on the stage in retaliation, followed by hitting him in the head with a chair. Rock has one more clip for Vince to see, and it’s of Vince out cold on the stage with Rock’s foot on his chest.

After everything Rock has done to Stephanie and Vince, Rock still wants more. He wants his WWF Title shot and he wants it tonight. Cue Vince with a chair to the ring. Rock says Vince has three options: he can put the chair down, swing at Rock, or have it shined up and stuck in a strategic place. Vince: “I’ll put it down, but if you move towards me your head will be like crushed papaya.” Who talks like that? Well other than Rock of course. Tonight, Rock gets a chance to earn a title match if he wins a cage match against someone to be announced. Somehow, no one had noticed the BIG FREAKING CAGE above the ring.

Vince says Rock has to earn everything he gets now and there are no more freebies. Vince wants Rock to think about who he (Rock) is. About a year ago, it was Vince that made Rock who he was. It wasn’t the people and it wasn’t the Rock, but rather Vince that made the Rock. Rock would have been a star, but not a superstar. Vince thinks Rock would have made a good Doink or a good Gobbledygooker or a GREAT Bastian Booger. With Vince’s help, Rock hosted SNL and was on the Tonight Show. All Vince was looking for was a thank you. That’s why Vince did it: he was never thanked.

Vince thinks Rock is an ingrate but Rock doesn’t really care, albeit in a bit more colorful language. Vince wants to know what’s up with Rock’s insane way of speaking and accuses Rock of being a pervert. This is VINCE MCMAHON accusing someone of being a pervert that is obsessed with the rectal cavity. Actually Rock is obsessed with what comes out of the rectal cavity. Vince says Rock could take all of what comes out of the collective rectal cavities of the people here, put it in a pizza oven and only then could we smell what Rock is cooking. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN???

Cue HHH, Shane and Stephanie to keep this segment going. Vince goes for Rock with the chair but Rock blasts Vince in the back with it instead before holding off HHH and Shane with said chair. To call this an overly long and borderline bizarre segment would be the understatement of the year.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Road Dogg/X-Pac

The Canadians are defending. I love that King of Rock music that DX uses here. Christian and X-Pac start things off with Pac getting beaten up. Off to Edge who hits a spinwheel kick for two. DX double teams to take over and stomp on Edge in the corner. There are the dancing punches and shaky kneedrop from Roadie for two. A double clothesline from Edge takes DX down again and it’s an ice cold tag to Christian. Edge goes to the floor but gets posted. Back inside, Christian tries the Unprettier but Road Dogg hits him with a belt for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here other than the title change. X-Pac and Road Dogg never quite worked that well as a tag team but they were trying at least. If nothing else there’s Tori in those tiny outfits of hers which is never a bad thing. Edge and Christian would get a lot better in a hurry.

Never mind as the referee see the belt and starts the match again. Edge spears X-Pac in about 15 seconds to retain.

Godfather is with his ladies.

Kat and Terri, former enemies, leave for a girl’s day out. As they leave, Eddie and Chyna, the new couple, arrive.

Kurt Angle vs. Godfather

Nothing to see here. Angle talks a bit about abstinence before the match in a funny bit that probably only he could pull off. The girls look good, Godfather does his schtick, the Angle Slam gets the pin in about two minutes. Nothing to see at all.

Big Show is excited and is going to be cutting loose from now on.

Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi/Tazz

What a bizarre team. Grandmaster isn’t in this team for no apparent reason other than a knee/ankle injury. Scotty and Benoit start things off and things speed up fast. Scotty suplexes him down and moonwalks, so Dean decks him from behind. Off to Saturn as the Radicalz take over. Scott gets rammed into the buckle and it’s back to Benoit.

The Radicalz tag in and out very quickly here and Dean gets two off a rollup. Hot tag brings in Rikishi who cleans house and gives Dean a Stink Face. Everything breaks down and it’s Worm time for Dean. Sweet goodness was that move over. Benoit breaks up a charge from Rikishi and Scotty puts Dean in a Cloverleaf. Benoit and Rikishi fight up the ramp and Saturn clotheslines Scotty so Dean can get the pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work all that well. Having Tazz out there didn’t fit at all as he did nothing of note, making this basically a handicap match. Then again Tazz didn’t really exist as much more than a warm body for his entire run with the company. Nothing to the match and it wasn’t anything of note either.

Kat is having her hair done and Terri hands her a spiked drink.

WWF Title: HHH vs. ???

Apparently HHH is giving an impromptu title defense against some random opponent. In the back, Kai En Tai walks through some doors…..accompanied by the APA. HHH isn’t happy with the bigger guys but the opponent is Taka Michinoku. The Acolytes chase off Shane and Stephanie so Taka jumps HHH and gets in some fast paced offense, including a headscissors and dropkick for two. Taka fires away in the corner and hits a tornado DDT for two.

HHH finally gets in a shot and Taka is in trouble in a hurry. A facebuster gets two as Lawler rips into JR for being against HHH. HHH gets in his traditional argument with Earl Hebner before sending Taka into the steps on the floor. Funaki cheats a bit and HHH is sent into the APA, drawing a great scared face from the champion. The APA destroys HHH and a dropkick from Funaki and a moonsault press from Taka get two. Shane comes back with Vince who tries to buy off the APA, which proves to be a distraction so the Boss Man and Bull Buchanan can jump them. HHH counters a rana into a powerbomb and the Pedigree ends this clean.

Rating: C. This wasn’t awful and while I don’t think Taka’s own mother would have thought he had a chance here, they threw something different out there which is usually a fun idea. Not a great match or even a good one but HHH was so hated that the fans wanted any reason to believe that he could lose the title, even on a crazy fluke.

The Kane funnycar won a competition.

We get a clip of T&A preventing Trish from being put through a table. T&A destroy the Dudleys in the back.

T&A vs. Hardy Boys

Sweet goodness does Trish look great in white. This is back when she was a shameless sex pot and no one was complaining at all. Test and Matt start us off. This was back in the period when I had no idea which Hardy was which. Matt hits a quick moonsault press for two but Test busts out his gutwrench powerbomb for two before bringing in Albert.

Albert fires off shoulders in the corner and counters a neckbreaker into a side slam. The currently known Tensai misses a middle rope legdrop and there’s the hot tag to Jeff. It doesn’t quite matter though as Test kills him with a clothesline, followed by a nice note from the referee that they have two minutes left. Everything breaks down and Test is sent to the floor. The Twist and Swanton out of nowhere get the pin on Albert in far less than two minutes.

Rating: C. This is certainly not a failure due to Trish in her outfit alone. Other than that, the match was ok due to the Hardys being masters of selling, especially for monsters like they had to face here. Test and Albert were fine for a vehicle to get Trish over and they certainly did that pretty well. The match was fine.

Post match here are the Dudleys with a 3D for Test. They load up a table but Trish stares at Bubba to distract him. Albert jumps Bubba from behind and chokebombs him through the table instead, enforcing Wrestling Law #1.

Val Venis vs. Big Show

Show is dressed as Val here which is a rather different look for him. At least it distracts from the horrible R&B version of his theme. Show does a bad sounding Val imitation but the mannerisms and outfit (pink trunks with the V) make up for it. Val tries to jump Show to start and is promptly knocked to the floor. Show misses a running boot and crotches himself on the top rope. A shoulder puts Show down and a middle rope elbow gets two. Val keeps running which ticks Show off enough that Show rips his wig off and chokes Val out for a DQ.

Show gyrates a bit to make people smile.

European Title: Chris Jericho vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is defending in a rematch from last week where Chyna joined Eddie to cost Jericho the title. Jericho says he’s happy with the new couple but he isn’t sure which of them is the man and which of them has the bigger package. Jericho hits a fast backbreaker to start and the champ runs, hiding behind the referee. Eddie might have dropkicked Jericho low and takes over. Jerry makes some very dated Elian Gonzalez jokes, which apparently were old even then.

Eddie works on the knee and hooks a Figure Four, putting it on the correct leg and thereby making him more proficient at the hold than Flair himself is. Jericho makes the rope and doesn’t seem all that interested in selling the knee. Eddie charges into a boot in the corner and gets backdropped down as Jericho makes his comeback. Jericho loads up the Walls but Chyna’s distraction lets Eddie rolls Jericho up for two. Chyna throws Eddie the belt but before Eddie can hit Jericho, Eddie is knocked into the referee. Jericho hits the Lionsault but Chyna takes out Jericho with a DDT, letting Eddie get the pin to retain, just like last week.

Rating: C-. For a Jericho vs. Guerrero match, I was expecting a lot better performance here. This was almost the same match as last week which doesn’t exactly make me care about the feud that much. Chyna and Eddie went on to have a pretty big run together which was pretty entertaining at the same time. Not a great match here and Jericho’s non-selling was annoying.

The cage is lowered.

Terri wakes up the Kat who has short green hair now. Kat screams so Terri hands her a dog.

The Rock vs. ???

It’s pin/submission/escape here. The opponent(s) are Boss Man and Buchanan, as introduced by HHH and company. Rock fires away on both guys to start before the numbers catch up with him. Both guys beat him down and go for the escape but Rock pulls them both down in a nice display of athleticism. Rock goes to escape but Shane climbs the cage for the save, allowing Buchanan to crotch Rock for the real stop.

A legdrop gets two for Buchanan and Rock is still in trouble. Gee, who would have bet on him getting beaten down this much to start? The ax kick from Bull puts Rock down again for two from both big guys and they’re getting frustrated three minutes into the match. There’s a double suplex to Rock and things slow down a lot. A lot of choking ensues and Rock is sent into the cage.

Buchanan tries the one cool move he can do, a spinning clothesline off the top, but it hits Boss Man by mistake. Rock makes his comeback and hits a Samoan Drop on Bull for two before walking into a sidewalk slam from Boss Man for two. Rock knocks Boss Man down and sees Buchanan trying to leave. He hits Bull in the back and catches a jumping Bull in a Rock Bottom for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C. Did anyone not know the ending from the opening bell here? The fans were into it but it doesn’t do much this many years later. At the end of the day there was no way Rock wasn’t winning here off a Rock Bottom out of nowhere. It sets up HHH vs. Rock though at one of the best shows ever so I can’t complain much about that.

Post match HHH and Shane destroy Rock with brass knuckles and a Pedigree. Rock is busted open and HHH says he’s done playing with him. The APA comes out to save Rock from a Pedigree on a chair and chase off HHH and Shane to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a pretty weak show overall, but it would set up the best feud HHH ever had over the summer. HHH was just so freaking good at this point as one of the best heels of all time. You pair him with a guy as insanely popular as the Rock and there was no way they weren’t going to give you one of the best feuds ever. This show however was pretty dull with most of the matches not working and the main event being predictable. It set up better stuff down the road though so at least there’s that.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 11, 2002
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another Twitter request which I’d love to get more of. Anyway the main event tonight is a pretty big match with the NWO vs. Rock/Austin in a handicap match. Other than that…..oh this is the go home show for Wrestlemania. That probably has something to do with the request, but it’s hard to say what to expect as far as quality. Either they’ll be on fire or they’ll be going at half speed because of fear of messing up Sunday. Let’s get to it.

Rob Van Dam/Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys/William Regal

We’re combining PPV match here, although the tag teams are in a four way with two other teams. Regal is IC Champion and cost Van Dam the Hardcore Title on Thursday. It’s a big brawl to start with Regal vs. Van Dam in the ring. Van Dam gets two almost immediately off Rolling Thunder. The arena is full of smoke so Van Dam and the Hardys have an automatic advantage. D-Von tries to set up a table for no apparent reason but Rob baseball slides it into his face.

Jeff comes in but Regal kicks him in the head to take over. What’s Up keeps Jeff down but he hits a Whisper in the Wind to take D-Von down. Hot tag brings in Matt vs. Regal with Matt cleaning house. Everything breaks down and it’s a 3D to Jeff, a Twist of Fate to D-Von, a Bubba Bomb to Matt, a top rope kick to Bubba, a spin kick to Regal, and a Five Star to Regal for the pin. The last three were all by the same guy.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match here at all and I’m always a fan of putting two feuds together into one match. This doesn’t do much for the tag teams but it makes Van Dam look like a bigger threat to Regal and the title which is the point of this match. Not a great match but the ending was good.

Vince and Flair are at an emergency board meeting in Connecticut. Vince says the company is in a state of emergency due to Flair. He talks about how the company is falling apart because they have no direction. Actually this speech would be better served later in the year but you get the point. Tonight, Vince would like a unanimous vote for full owenership and control of the company.

Here’s Angle with something to say. He talks about how he got ripped off in his title match with Jericho due to Kane’s interference. Angle calls himself the Big Red White and Blue Machine which makes me chuckle. They have a match at Wrestlemania now and Angle is going to make that whole burning alive thing look like a paper cut. However, Kane isn’t the only one to blame for Angle not getting the title shot. It’s also the fans’ fault for the You Suck chants.

This brings out Booker in defense of the fans which is a surprise. The fans aren’t stupid. They’re beyond stupid. The fans have cost him his Japanese shampoo commercial and he doesn’t even have for Wrestlemania. This brings out Edge who says Booker is stupid (complete with clips of Booker being stupid on the Weakest Link, a trivia show that had a WWF week) and that he’ll be his Huckleberry for Wrestlemania. Booker says ok.

Angle says “You dang skippy, crystal clean with no caffeine.” Booker glares at him and Edge says Angle is just the Big White Machine. Angle tries a Spinarooni and we’ve got a tag match set up for later with Edge having a mystery partner. Edge asks for Angle’s music to be played so we can all practice our You Sucks.

Stephanie is in the back with HHH’s dog Lucy. She rips into the dog which is apparently a spoil of war in the divorce. HHH comes in and takes the dog but Stephanie won’t let him leave with the dog. A judge says the dog belongs to her because Stephanie told the judge how HHH mistreated Lucy. At least until the divorce is over. Did I mention we’re six days away from HHH being in the main event of WRESTLE FREAKING MANIA and they’re arguing over a dog? HHH throws the dog onto Stephanie and says she does stink, doesn’t she Lucy. Stephanie says she’ll introduce Lucy to someone that hates dogs worse than she does.

Rikishi vs. Test

Rikishi pounds him down and into the corner to start but Test punches him right back. Rikishi superkicks him down and hits an Earthquake before setting up the Stink Face, only to have Mr. Perfect, the cause for this match somehow, come out and distract Rikishi. Test hits a big boot for the pin. This was nothing.

Jericho comes in to see Stephanie and Lucy and throws Lucy off the couch. Stephanie CAN’T FREAKING ACT. The dog relieves itself on the carpet. Six days until Wrestlemania. I want you to keep that in mind.

And the joke KEEPS GOING as Jericho takes the dog for a walk. Jericho ties her to the door of a limo and leaves her outside.

DDP is at catering when Christian comes up. He’s DDP’s protege but it’s not quite working. DDP gives him a smiling lesson so Billy and Chuck come up and make thinly veiled gay jokes. Christian vs. Billy is made for later.

Back to the board meeting, which is totally cool to have cameras in of course. Vince shows a clip from Smackdown with Flair beating up Undertaker. Flair was arrested but he’s at the meeting anyway. I can’t remember his name but the cop is from OVW.

Hardcore Title: Goldust vs. Al Snow

Goldie is defending. There are weapons in the ring to start so they fight on the floor to get things going. The champ loads up Shattered Dreams but Snow gets out of the way. There’s a fire extinguisher shot and the Snowplow gives Snow the title in like a minute.

Jericho tries to find air freshener for Stephanie and is going to an all night store to get some. It’s like 9:45 and they need an all night store? The limo backs up and apparently it hit Lucy.

Back with MORE DOG STUFF! HHH finds out what happened and Lucy is still alive. Help is requested. I’m terrified to think of what the payoff of this is going to be tonight.

Booker T/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/???

The mystery partner is….Big Show. I know Kane isn’t here tonight, but WHY isn’t Kane here tonight? I don’t think we’ve ever been given a reason for that. Booker and Show start with Booker hammering away to no avail. Angle comes in and gets thrown around as well and chopped in the corner. Apparently Kane has a concussion. See, that wasn’t so hard. A quick ankle lock is countered by pure power. Both heels are sent to the floor and Edge plays the Jimmy Snuka to Show’s Andre and dives onto both of them on the floor.

Back in and Angle charges into a Canadian boot but Angle Germans Edge down to take over. Booker comes in but gets kicked down as well and it’s off to Big Show. Off to Show vs. Angle and another kick to the face takes Angle down. A double chokeslam is countered so Show suplexes both of them instead. Everything breaks down and Booker kicks Show in the face as he’s trying the chokeslam on Kurt. Edge spears Booker down but it’s an Angle Slam and ankle lock for the tap out from Big Show.

Rating: C. Well it’s not like Big Show had anything to do on Sunday anyway so him doing the job is the only possible answer. Not a great match or anything but again it does some work for two matches which is a great idea coming into Sunday. Edge vs. Angle would get started later this year and it would launch Edge WAY up the ladder.

Stephanie freaks out about Lucy but Jericho has a plan.

Torrie, Jackie and Terri are in swimsuits at WWF New York to promote a Divas special. THANK GOODNESS Jackie is blocked out by a guy’s head.

Billy vs. Christian

DDP jumps in on commentary. Billy pounds Christian down in the corner to start and hits a Jackhammer for no cover. Fameasser is avoided and Christian has a tantrum on the floor. Page goes over to calm him down but it lets Chuck clothesline Christian down. Billy hits the Fameasser on Christian but Page Diamond Cuts Billy to give Christian the cheap win.

Christian turns on Page post match and we’ve got a European Title (Page is champion) match on Sunday.

Back to the board meeting and Vince gives a big corporate speech about how Flair is an embarrassment to the company. This is MR. MCMAHON giving this speech. Keep in mind, Flair is fighting Undertaker on Sunday, not Vince. The Board is going to go talk and then vote on either Flair or Vince.

Lita/Trish Stratus vs. Jazz/Stacy Keibler

I always loved how Lita looked in those tied off Wrestlemania baseball jerseys. Trish is just starting to get good and she has her signature look down now. Trish gets jumped and double teamed to start but let’s talk about Lucy! She has a broken leg apparently but HHH is on his way back. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz (the Women’s Champion) hitting a double chickenwing on Lita.

Off to Stacy for a corner leg choke but Lita realizes that she’s fighting Stacy freaking Keibler and slams her down. Off to Trish as everything breaks down. Jazz takes a double flapjack but Trish accidentally kicks Lita, giving Jazz a quick rollup win. Trish, Jazz and Lita would have a triple threat on Sunday for the title and for the life of me I have no idea why Trish didn’t win the title there but rather a month or so later.

HHH is back and he’s in ANGRY mode. He’s looking for Stephanie but Steph is coming to the ring. She swears it was an accident and here’s HHH. Stephanie runs but HHH drags her back to the ring. The only good thing about this: Stephanie tries to crawl away but HHH grabs her by the pants, giving us a great uncensored view.

HHH loads up a Pedigree but Jericho runs in and hits him in the repaired thigh with a sledgehammer twice. HHH thinks it’s torn again. The Game is taken to the back and Jericho takes the leg out again. See here’s the thing: why did we need the Lucy stuff? Take that away and do this angle and it’s THE SAME EXACT THING.

JR and Jerry debate if this was a setup or not. IS EVERYONE TIHS FREAKING STUPID???

Back to the board meeting because we haven’t been dumbed down enough tonight. Flair says he’s going to have his match on Sunday no matter what, so Vince gets a full vote of confidence, giving him full power back…..until Wrestlemania, after which the board can review the decision. Flair thanks the board for meeting tonight (despite the video saying this was earlier today) and talks about his match on Sunday. You have to remember that Flair and Vince hadn’t had any issues since February and it’s been Flair vs. Taker for the last month or so, making this even more ridiculous.

Hogan is fired up for tonight and for Wrestlemania and getting to face Rock. The NWO promises history tonight.

New World Order vs. Steve Austin/The Rock

This is the first time the NWO has ever competed together in the WWF. Rock and Hall start things off but a Hogan distraction lets Hall take over. This is a handicap match if that didn’t come through. Rock comes back and Hogan bails from the apron in fear. A clothesline gets two for Hall and it’s off to Nash. Rock pounds away but a sidewalk slam gets two for Nash. Snake Eyes puts Rock down and it’s off to Hogan.

Hogan pounds on Rock a bit and suplexes him down before Hall and Nash work Rock over a bit. There’s the hot tag to Austin who cleans house. Nash somehow botches a Thesz Press from Austin so Austin hits a spinebuster on Hall instead. Nash can’t even hit Austin in the head right so Austin clotheslines the Outsiders down. A big boot, the only move even Nash can’t screw up, takes Austin down and it’s back to Hall.

The fallaway slam gets two for Scott and it’s back to Nash. Kevin pounds on Austin in the corner and it’s back to Hall. A clothesline puts Austin down for two and now for the only time that I can EVER remember, it’s Hogan vs. Austin. Hogan pounds away with some punches and a chokeslam before tagging out to Hall. It only lasts 25 seconds, but that actually felt special. Hall chokeslams Austin down but the Razor’s Edge is broken up by a backdrop.

Austin’s comeback is stopped AGAIN by a clothesline but he takes Hall right back down. Hot tag brings in Rock vs. Nash and Rock cleans house….for about 20 seconds before Nash takes him down again. This feels like WCW all over again. Off to Hogan to clean up the Rock scraps, but Rock nips up to terrify Hulk. Nash of course stops the momentum and everything breaks down. In a REALLY anti-climactic ending, Hogan punches Rock, hits the boot and legdrop and gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Huge historical moment aside, this was a really odd match. It was basically a squash with the NWO never really breaking a sweat against two of the biggest stars of all time. Nash looked like he had never been in a ring before and the whole thing looked awful. Then again, this had Steve Austin vs. Hulk Hogan in a legal match so it gets an automatic pass.

The NWO cleans house to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was AWFUL. Between the two WAY too long stories that went nowhere, the matches sucked and it felt like they threw Wrestlemania together six days before the show. Austin vs. Hall, pretty much the third biggest match on the show, wasn’t mentioned until the last fifteen seconds. On top of that, Jericho is a total afterthought to both Stephanie and A FREAKING DOG. He’s the Undisputed WWF Champion heading into the main event of Wrestlemania and he’s playing third fiddle to a wife and a dog. Absolutely horrible show and one of the worst go home shows I have ever seen.

Here’s Wrestlemania if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/25/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-18-should-have-been-hogan-vs-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2001
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s Christmas Eve so of course we’re not live. We have a few weeks before HHH gets back so until thing we’re kind of in a holding pattern. Jericho is champion but given that they don’t even have an Undisputed Title belt for him, how serious can we take his reign so far? The show is in a bad stretch and it’s really only going to get worse in the next few years. Let’s get to it.

In case you didn’t see the link at the end of the last review, here’s the December 17, 2001 show which I had done already:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/12/27/monday-night-raw-december-17-2011-nuns-groceries-and-bingo/

We’ve got an eggnog match later so you can tell things aren’t that serious.

Then again we have Jericho vs. Rock for the title later so maybe things won’t be that bad.

Here’s the hometown hero in his old Miami jersey to open the show. It’s Rock if that wasn’t clear. Rock says he’s come back home and talks about the main event tonight against Jericho. Oh and the Hurricanes will win the Rose Bowl. I believe they did that actually. He asks for his book and is handed The Rock’s Night Before Christmas. The book is exactly what you would expect with the focus being on Rock vs. Jericho.

Before he can finish though, here’s Angle, thankfully with the classic version of his music instead of that bad remix. Angle accuses Santa of being a pervert for seeing you when you’re sleeping. He thinks Vince is better than Mr. Claus because Vince has made the main event tonight a triple threat match. Rock doesn’t really care. Somehow this segment took almost 12 minutes.

Vince is having a Christmas party with Patterson and Brisco as elves. Bubba is Santa which means Stacy as a sexy Mrs. Claus. Booker and the Big Bossman show up so it’s time to bust out the strippers. Booker officially has a contract now. Vince’s music is playing as this goes on.

Rikishi vs. Test

Rikishi pounds him down into the corner but Test avoids a charge and beats on Rikishi. A DDT puts Rikishi down for two and Test shoves the referee. The referee punches Test and it’s a DQ win for Rikishi. This was nothing.

Test pounds on the referee but Rikishi makes the save.

Trish, looking GREAT, shows up at Flair’s Christmas party. Torrie is Mrs. Claus and I think Tajiri is Santa. Big Show struts like Flair and Tajiri gives Torrie some very small lingerie. Albert and Edge try to make Kane laugh and Big Show does his Hogan impression which is still pretty good. Debra brings in cookies and says Austin is on the way. Well it’s not like anyone was watching this episode anyway.

Billy and Chuck give each other matching headbands. Taz talks to Bubba because Bubba has a good looking girl on his lap and that’s not Santa-like. Bubba: “You’re just mad because all my elves are taller than you.” That was a good line. Fink shows up and brings in Mae and Moolah as the new dancers.

Billy and Chuck vs. APA

Billy and Chuck aren’t quite gay yet but they’re inching towards it. The APA looks at each other and pound on Billy and Chuck from behind. Billy and Chuck double team Farrooq before Chuck gets some alone time with him. Chuck gets laid…..out by a DDT and it’s off to Bradshaw and Billy. It’s finishers a go-go and Chuck trips Bradshaw so Billy gets to be on top for the quick pin. That’s good as I was running out of sex jokes.

RVD is ticked off and looking for someone. After a break he goes into Jericho’s room but finds Lance Storm. I guess he got a job on Smackdown. They get in an argument and a match is made.

Show and Albert are in Kane masks talking to the Big Red Machine when Arn Anderson shows up with beer. Austin shows up too with even more beer. We get a live WHAT rendition as Austin reads off a Christmas list while sitting on Tajiri’s lap.

Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

It’s the Barely Legal rematch that no one was asking for. They brawl to start with both guys flying around and hitting kicks to the face for two. Not that it matters as we’re in a chinlock 45 seconds in. Van Dam kicks him down and hits the cartwheel moonsault for two. A superkick gets two for Storm but Van Dam backflips out of a belly to back superplex. Another kick sets up the Five Star for the pin. Another short match.

Test hits on Terri at Vince’s party. That goes nowhere so Paisley interviews Maven about Tough Enough 2. This goes nowhere until Booker yells at Maven, setting up a match later. Is it clear that it’s Christmas Eve and they’re not even trying? Mae is drunk.

Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson

It’s an eggnog match between the Mrs. Clauses. What are you expecting here? They fight by the pool of eggnog, they go in it, they do some “wrestling” and the referee falls in as well. Torrie wins in like two minutes.

Back to Vince’s party and Jericho shows up to complain about being put in a triple threat. Vince tries to soothe him but Stephanie returns, a mere FIVE WEEKS after being thrown out. She has a gift for Vince, which is a monogrammed money clip. Vince doesn’t seem to care and throws her out. She would be back full time in about three weeks.

European Title: Christian vs. The Hurricane

Christian is defending and takes a shot at the Miami Hurricanes which is appropriate in more ways than one. Christian charges at him to start and is immediately clotheslined to the floor. Hurricane hits a big dive to the floor as JR suggests Pat Patterson is a fairy and not an elf. Back in and Christian kicks Hurricane low to take over.

The fans chant the Hurricanes’ (the football team, not the masked dude) fight song as Christian knees Hurricane in the ribs for two. Hurricane hits a quick crossbody but can’t get much more after that. Molly offers a distraction and Hurricane comes back, hitting a Blockbuster for two. Christian throws him to the floor but ducks an attack from Hurricane which takes out Molly. Christian throws him back inside and hits the Unprettier to retain.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but when this is the first match that broke three minutes after over an hour of the show, it’s kind of hard to get into it. Also the ending here was really abrupt with Christian just hitting his finisher out of nowhere for the pin. The title meant nothing at this point and was ready to be retired, which wouldn’t come for almost a year.

Taz switches parties and causes a match to be made between Bubba and Tajiri for later. Austin plays the guitar for some entertainment.

Booker T vs. Maven

Booker has Bossman as a bodyguard in an angle I don’t remember at all. Maven is brand new here still so this isn’t going to be much in the ways of competition. Maven fires off some forearms to start followed by a few dropkicks, which was really the only move he could do well. Booker shrugs that off and kicks Maven down to take over. A superkick puts Maven down and there’s the Spinarooni. An Alabama Slam gets the pin for Booker. Total squash after the first 20 seconds.

Bubba Claus vs. Tajiri Claus

Oh….why not. Tajiri knocks him to the floor and hits an Asai Moonsault. The visuals here are pretty funny and JR says this would be a main event at any arena in the North Pole. I can live with nods to Monsoon. Back in the ring the Bubba Bomb takes Tajiri down and a low blow slows him down even more. The fans of course want tables but they have to settle for a splash/elbow drop from Bubba instead.

Tajiri has lost his hat and Bubba takes his own belt off to whip Tajiri a bit. Bubba misses the middle rope splash as is his custom, which likely had to do with him doing the stereotypical Japanese bow before jumping. The look on Bubba’s face is pretty great. A low dropkick gets two and Tajiri fires off some kicks to take over. He goes up but D-Von crotches him, letting Bubba hit a superplex for no cover. The Dudleys set up What’s Up but Taz runs out and crotches D-Von. The distraction lets Tajiri hit the Mist and the Buzzsaw Kick for the pin.

Rating: C. If you were looking for a serious match here, what is wrong with you? This was a fun match and I’m a Tajiri fan so I was digging this no matter what happened in it. On top of that, Bubba’s facials are are always great. Fun match here which is something this dull show needed badly.

Angle says he’ll strip Jericho of the title tonight. Mae Young: “DID SOMEONE SAYS STRIP???” You can figure the rest out for yourself.

We recap the Undertaker vs. the Hardys feud as the team is back together again after fighting for weeks.

Apparently Mae Young has stopped Vince’s party cold and she takes her pants off on stage. Austin comes in and beats up Vince and the Stooges. Patterson winds up looking up between Mae’s legs.

WWF World Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Rock

It’s a brawl to start with the heels double teaming Rock in the corner. Rock gets in a shot on Angle and avoids a save from Jericho. Angle suplexes Rock down and we head to the floor where the heels take turns ramming Rock into the table. Rock will have none of that and rams them into the table, only to get dropped onto the table chest first. A charging Angle is sent into the steps and Jericho is clotheslined down as Rock takes over again.

Back inside a spinwheel kick gets two for the champ but the Lionsault hits knees. Angle comes back in and pounds away on Rock, who backdrops Jericho to the floor. A Samoan Drop puts Angle down for two but Jericho makes the save. Rock hits a double clothesline to put both guys down but he can’t follow up. The Great One gets up first and punches both guys time after time to fire up the crowd.

Angle finally gets in a shot to the back but Rock whips Kurt into Jericho on the apron. Rock drops a leg on Angle and puts on the Scorpion. Jericho tries to make a save but walks into the spinebuster and the Elbow for two. Angle puts the ankle lock on Rock but Jericho dropkicks Kurt to break it up, starting a fight between the two. The American hits a German on the Canadian but Jericho rolls through into the Walls.

Angle escapes and puts on the ankle lock, only to have Rock take his head off. Jericho’s forearm hits the referee and Rock puts the champ in the Walls, making him tap to no referee. The hold is released and Angle clocks Jericho with a chair by mistake. Rock Bottom takes Angle down but there’s STILL no referee. Angle DDT’s Rock on the chair but Jericho steals the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a good match but the problem with it is that there was no way the title was changing tonight. This would have torn the roof off the place at a house show and the live crowd was probably getting into things, but at the end of the day there was no chance Rock was winning the title here and I think most of the people knew it.

Overall Rating: D. Nothing to see here other than a main event which is just above average at best. Other than that, this is a throwaway show if there ever has been one. Then again, it’s Christmas Eve so it’s not like anyone was watching. I don’t think I watched this one live which says a lot for me. Nothing to see here and next week is a Best of 2001 show which won’t offer much, meaning this is pretty much the end of the year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 10, 2001
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Vengeance now and we have an Undisputed Champion in the form of Chris Jericho. He did the only thing he ever talked about for the next year and a half last night by beating Rock and Austin in the same night. Other than that nothing else happened because no one cared about anything else on the show. Tonight we being a series of about three throwaway shows on the way to the Rumble. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Flair to open the show with both world titles. He talks about how he’s going to present the new champion with his title tonight (not really but whatever) and brings out Jericho. The new champion has a list of names of people to thank with the most important of all being himself. He brags about proving everyone wrong and thanks Rock and Austin for their performances last night.

Jericho begins his tradition of talking bragging about how he beat Rock and Austin in the same night. He also thanks all of the little people who supported him before moving on to Flair. Jericho tells Flair that Flair has the honor of being presenting him with the titles, making him the first and only Undisputed Champion. Flair puts both belts on Jericho’s shoulders and says that tonight, Jericho is defending the title tonight in a cage. His opponent: Steve Austin.

Hardcore Title: Spike Dudley vs. Undertaker

Taker won the title last night and Spike sits on his bike on the way to the ring. Pain ensues. Taker puts him in the Tree of Woe but Spike gets in a low blow and some weapon shots but they get shrugged off. A HUGE Last Ride onto a trashcan ends this quick. Taker is still insanely over because he’s still the same character he was before his heel turn.

Taker kills him again with a chokeslam because once wasn’t enough.

Vince comes up to Flair to gloat and has Booker T with him. He also has some doberman guard dogs. It worked when he used them on Austin in 98. Vince says that tonight it’s Rock/Trish vs. the Dudleys. Flair says he’ll apologize in a bit. This was an awkward segment.

Booker and Vince go to their sky box and admire the view of the arena.

Kurt Angle vs. Rikishi

Angle has a new remix of his music and it’s not working. Angle says he’s here to avenge Vince. This is Rikishi’s first match back in like seven months but he was back on Smackdown with Rock shoving Vince’s face into Rikishi’s thong, hence the avenging line. Rikishi jumps him to start but Angle is all like oh no you did not jump me and snaps off a great looking German to take over. Angle tries a sunset flip but Rikishi drops down onto him to take over. Angle gets knocked into the corner but bails before the Stinkface. He keeps on bailing to give Rikishi a quick countout win.

Post match Rikishi dances but Angle jumps him. It goes bad for the Olympian as he gets beaten down and takes a Stinkface. From a world title match to this in 24 hours. That’s not good. Angle blasts Rikishi with a chair during Rikishi’s second dance.

They Dudleys and Stacy aren’t worried at all about their title defense later. Bubba makes fun of the challengers in a funny bit.

Lance Storm comes in to see Flair and asks for a match tonight despite not having a job. Flair says no. Ok then.

Regal jumps Edge during an interview and knocks him out with brass knuckles.

Storm still can’t get a job.

William Regal vs. Kane

Regal has to be searched before the match. He says the attack on Edge was just the beginning because he’s going to be dishing out a lot more punishment in the future but gets cut off by Kane. Kane takes over to start and pounds Regal down before beating on him in the corner. A sidewalk slam gets two and Kane goes up, only to get knocked to the floor. Regal loads up the knucks but gets kicked in the face. Back in and Kane hits the clothesline but Regal breaks up the chokeslam with a knucks shot to the ribs and head for the pin. Another short match in a series of them tonight.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. The Rock/Trish Stratus

Trish hides in the corner to start so Rock and D-Von start things off. A backdrop puts D-Von down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. D-Von gets rammed into the table as does Bubba who I guess tagged in somewhere. If he did it wasn’t shown on camera. A Samoan Drop puts Bubba down for two but it’s back to D-Von who has a bit more luck this time. Rock gets pounded in the corner but Rock clotheslines him down. The numbers finally catch up with Rock as Bubba clotheslines him down to take over.

A double flapjack puts Rock down but he comes back with a clothesline to put Bubba down. He can’t tag Trish in of course though so there’s no worry of a hot tag. Stacy pulls Trish off the apron and Bubba gets two off a neckbreaker on the Brahma Bull. There’s a sleeper but Rock eventually suplexes out of it.

The numbers catch up with Rock AGAIN (you may be noticing a pattern here) but he ducks a clothesline, causing Bubba to take D-Von down. A DDT puts Bubba down and all three guys are down. 3D doesn’t work but Bubba breaks up the Sharpshooter on D-Von. A spinebuster sets up the Elbow on Bubba but D-Von makes a last second save. Trish gets tagged in and What’s Up D-Von? Stacy gets brought in and What’s Up Stacy? Test runs out to brawl with Rock in the aisle and 3D to Trish retains the titles.

Rating: C-. You easily could have cut out three or four minutes here and had about the same match. Rock vs. Test doesn’t do anything for me but I don’t think it was ever going to go anywhere anyway. It was clear that the Dudleys were going to retain, which makes the match going long all the more pointless. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t horrible and we got some good shots of Stacy and Trish.

Test kicks Rock’s head off.

Vince and Booker patronize the crowd a bit and Vince talks about all the people he’s going to beat up/has been beaten up because of Vince. Vince insists he’s the real boss and introduces some celebrities here tonight. Never mind as he’s talking about Booker T. This went NOWHERE.

Lita tries to tell Matt she didn’t screw him on purpose last night. Make your own jokes. She says she loves him and he doesn’t seem to care. She goes to leave and Matt breaks up with her. Jeff pops up and tells her it’s ok.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy/Lita

Matt shoves Lita down so he can jump Jeff to start. There are tags for the team here so it’s one on one for the most part. Jeff pounds him down in the corner and this is turning into a brawl very quickly. Jeff charges into a boot in the corner and they head out to the floor. A clothesline off the apron takes Jeff down but Jeff rams Matt face first into the apron. A brawl into the crowd goes nowhere so we head back inside. Matt pounds on him a bit and counters a quick Twist attempt. Jeff gets sent to the floor so Lita hits the Litarana on Matt. The Swanton from Jeff misses though and Lita tags herself in, but gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: D. The Hardys have some of the best tag team chemistry of all time, but sweet merciful goodness they don’t have it against each other. I think the problem is they try to have some big epic match and it just doesn’t work because they don’t come off as guys that hate each other. This went on for awhile too.

Storm asks Flair AGAIN, so Flair gives him an all or nothing match. He wins and gets a job or he loses and is gone.

Lance Storm vs. Big Show

The bell rings and the beating begins. I don’t think they’re going to break the streak of short matches tonight. Storm gets knocked to the floor but comes back in with a thumb to the eye. Show pounds him down again but Storm goes for the knee. A missile dropkick gets two for Lance but he gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin. That was basically a workout for Show.

Vince and Booker have sandwiches sent to them but Booker thinks it’s a trap. He makes the waitress try one and it seems fine. Booker and Vince have the sandwiches. Seriously, that’s the whole segment.

We get a HHH video set to Beautiful Day by U2.

Austin says WHAT a lot and challenges Booker to a fight. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen in the cage match later. He also talks about what he had for lunch at Sonic.

The cage is lowered.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho

In a cage of course. Jericho stalls for awhile so Austin gets out of the cage and beats on the champ on the floor. Austin tries a chair but the referee takes it away, allowing Jericho to get inside the cage to hide. Austin sneaks in behind him as the bell finally rings. There’s the Thesz Press and Jericho is in trouble early. There’s no referee in the ring so this is escape only. Either that or it’s the stupid kind where referees come into the ring to count a pin which takes way too long.

Austin whips Jericho into the corner and the Canadian tries to climb, only to get pulled down very quickly. Jericho gets sent into the cage again as this is all Austin so far. Jericho tries a Stunner so Austin tries the Walls. That doesn’t work either so Jericho sends him into the cage and tries to climb, only to be stopped before he can get that far.

Austin superplexes him back down but Jericho comes back with an enziguri. Jericho crawls for the door but Austin makes the save. Then Jericho crawls for the door but Austin makes the save. Austin rams him into the cage a few times and removes a turnbuckle pad. Jericho goes face first into the exposed buckle about eight times, busting the champion open.

A slingshot sends Jericho into the buckle and then drops him on top of it with snake eyes. WE GET IT ALREADY! Austin goes to leave but Jericho flips him off, drawing Austin back in for a Stunner to the champ. Steve goes for the door again but Booker slams it on his head, allowing Jericho to crawl out and escape to retain.

Rating: C-. This took a long time to get going and once it got going, it didn’t really go all that far. The ending might as well have been a big flashing neon sign after the promo Austin gave just before the match. This would lead to the grocery store fight which isn’t exactly the expected retaliation for this but at least it was entertaining, unlike this for the most part.

Overall Rating: C-. This show falls into the worst category you can be in: the dull but not bad kind. That’s what this show came down to: the stuff wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great either. That makes for a very uninteresting show with no good matches and most of the show being spent on stuff that didn’t go anywhere, like the sandwiches bit. HHH gets back in a few weeks but it’s not like he can fix a whole show. Please don’t let him see that as I know he’d love to try to do so.

I’ve already done the 12/17 show so here it is:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/12/27/monday-night-raw-december-17-2011-nuns-groceries-and-bingo/

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