Monday Night Raw
Date: November 19, 2001
Location: Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well the Invasion is over and I don’t think anyone is really complaining that it’s done. Tonight we basically hit a big reset button tonight as things get back to “normal” for the first time in months tonight. I have no idea what to expect with this show. Well ok I do as I remember watching it and the big surprise on it but it makes for a better intro if I say that. Let’s get to it.

We open with Foley and Vince on a plane earlier today. Foley says he knows that he’s getting fired, but Vince only says Have a Nice Day. That’s the last we would see of Mick Foley in the WWF/E for over a year and a half.

Here’s Vince to open the show and you know he’s happy after last night. He thanks Angle for ending the Alliance and says that ECW is dead. Until there was an opening due to high DVD sales of course. The WCW Title is now the World Championship, which is different from the WWF Championship because…..because this is called the World Championship. Also tonight, someone is going to become the inaugural member of Vince’s special club. That person gets to keep their job (along with the champions as they get to keep their jobs too).

That brings Vince to the leader of the Alliance. As soon as Austin arrives here tonight, Vince’s plans go into effect. There’s one more change: we have an empty seat on commentary. Vince brings out Paul Heyman who sits on the commentary desk, but Vince never said that Paul was the new commentator. Vince calls him into the ring and Heyman immediately starts sucking up.

McMahon says he’s a first amendment guy (Heyman: “And one of the best ever sir!”) and using his first amendment, he says that Heyman is fired. Heyman wants to fight but as the jacket comes off, Heyman runs. Heyman walks on the floor and then lunges at JR, who beats the tar out of him. Security pulls Heyman off and takes him out. Vince calls out Lawler to be JR’s partner again. That just feels right.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending after winning the title last night in a Six Pack Challenge. Last night Trish was seen coming out of the Hardys’ locker room when only Matt was in there so there’s some heat here. Trish is AWFUL at this point so don’t expect any kind of a good match here. Fifteen seconds in and they HORRIBLY botch a wristlock.

Spear gets two for Lita as does a sunset flip. Trish sends her into the middle rope for two before hitting an awkward slam. Lita hits a bad flapjack for another near fall before Trish kicks her in the chest to take over. An elbow misses for Stratus but she manages to shove Lita off the top to the floor. Trish kicks Lita into Matt so Matt throws Lita back in. Trish backslides her to retain. This was HORRIBLE.

Vince goes to see the Dudleys, Stacy, Test, Van Dam and Christian. These are the people who aren’t fired for being either champions, immune, or gorgeous. Vince punishes Van Dam for not accepting his offer to join the WWF a few months ago by making him face the Dudleys in a handicap tables match. The three of them and Stacy leave so Christian can suck up to Vinny a bit. That gets him nowhere.

Rob Van Dam vs. Dudley Boys

Jerry has to make up his flirting jokes about Stacy so he fires off a bunch to start. Van Dam has to fight them both off at once and makes D-Von clothesline Bubba by mistake. Rolling Thunder hits D-Von but Rob walks into a Bubba Bomb. Rob comes back by spearing Bubba into the corner, only to walk into a neckbreaker out of said corner from D-Von. Here are a pair of tables, one on the mat and one in the corner. Rob grabs a rope to avoid 3D and sends D-Von to the floor.

A kick takes Bubba down and a Van Daminator takes him down even more. D-Von comes back in and takes some kicks of his own, sending him onto a table. Van Dam goes for what would have been the longest Five Star ever, but he leaves it short (no shock) and breaks the table WITH HIS FACE. FREAKING OW MAN!!! The Dudleys pick up the dead body that used to be RVD and 3D him onto the table, as it doesn’t break. The second 3D wins it and I think Van Dam needs a doctor.

Rating: C. Van Dam has earned this rating on his own. It’s not that the Dudleys didn’t do anything, but those landings with Van Dam were SCARY, especially the Frog Splash. There was no point to this, but the handicap tables match was the signature “punishment” match in 2001. Van Dam should have gotten a bigger push in 2001.

Angle is here and he’s still smug.

Linda McMahon is at WWF New York, likely looking for Connecticut registered voters.

Angle goes in to see Rock and wants his thank you for the company still being in business. Rock isn’t amused and wants to know when Angle was planning on letting the WWF know when he was a mole. Angle spent a month blasting WWF guys with chairs but Angle says it was worth it. Rock agrees and says Angle should try to beat him up now. Angle says he’ll do it for the title. Rock will never trust either Angle or Vince again. I don’t think Rock accepted the challenge for the title match but maybe that was implied.

Shane and Stephanie arrive in a rental car. Stephanie could always make a living if she wore those dresses on the street.

Vince is in the ring again and apparently the acceptance of the match was implied as Vince says it’s happening. Austin isn’t here yet so let’s deal with his kids. Here they are and Vince says he likes hearing Stephanie called a w****. Shane tells Vince that he won and that he (Shane) lost to the better man. Shane leaves and that’s that.

Stephanie plays the daddy’s little girl card, calling herself young and naive. She blames Shane for everything that happened, including Linda getting slapped. It was Shane that made Stephanie slap Linda and tell Vince that she wanted him to die. She says she’s sorry and tries to cry. Vince calls for security and Stephanie is literally dragged away. Vince starts the goodbye song.

Jericho comes in to see Vince (notice his name coming up a lot tonight?) and Vince yells at him for putting the WWF in jeopardy last night by attacking Rock. Jericho says that it was due to his ego which Vince isn’t happy with. Vince doesn’t like big egos, but he loves MASSIVE egos. Oh and Jericho gets Kane tonight.

Mr. T. is here.

World Title: The Rock vs. Kurt Angle

Rock is defending. Kurt gets in some early right hands to take over and Rock gets stomped. Rock comes back with punches of his own but he gets sent to the floor very quickly. Back in and a belly to back suplex gets two for Kurt. There’s the ankle lock but Rock quickly breaks it. The countering doesn’t last long as he walks into a belly to belly to take him down again. Another belly to belly gets two and Kurt pounds away.

They’re clearly just going through the motions here but since tonight is pretty much resetting everything, it’s pretty much ok as the matches are just there to fill time until they figure out what they’re doing next. Angle goes up but gets crotched and Rock hits a belly to back superplex. Kurt clotheslines him down but Rock nips up and makes his comeback. Spinebuster looks to set up the Rock Bottom but Kurt counters into the Slam for no cover. Ankle lock is countered into a rollup for Rock to retain.

Rating: D+. Like I said they were going through the motions here and it didn’t do anything at all. They basically took the night off here and that’s ok. Angle threw in some suplexes to make it look like he was trying but they were clearly in very low gear. Angle would do nothing of note until he went to Smackdown in the Brand Split while Rock kept being Rock.

Angle attacks Rock post match and Jericho comes out to help him. Both use their submissions on Rock.

Here’s Vince for the 12^th time tonight for the Club stuff. The first inductee: William Regal. Regal offers to be a gopher for Vince but Vince says he meant the title of this club literally. Vince has Regal get on his knee and Vince takes his pants down. We’re watching one of Vince’s fantasies aren’t we? Vince takes his underwear down too and makes it dance. Oh wait Regal has to use chapstick first. Vince bends over a bit and Regal kisses it. Someone send Linda’s Senate opponent this clip NOW. The election will be over.

Regal gets laughed at by people like Taz, who still has a job because….someone help me out here. Regal slugs him.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

Kane speeds things up to start and sends him into the corner. Jericho sends him into the rope and slingshots Kane’s throat into the bottom rope to take over. A swinging neckbreaker misses for the most part but we’ll count it anyway. Jericho grabs a chair which is quickly knocked out of his hand. Kane goes up and jumps into the chair for the DQ. This was nothing.

Jericho beats on Kane and puts him in the “Walls” (they couldn’t quite get it right either time they tried) and no one makes the save. Wasn’t Undertaker the one preaching about being a unit?

Creed Desire video.

Angle yells at Edge but Edge says he saved his own job by winning the IC Title last night. Edge accuses Angle of playing both sides last night. Their feud wouldn’t start for about six months if my memory is right.

William Regal vs. Taz

Taz punches, Tazmission is broken up, Regal Stretch ends this in less than a minute. Taz has a job because of being a commentator. Ok then. The arena is all smoky from Taz’s pyro.

Kurt is melancholy over not being thanked for saving the company, so Vince offers him the WWF Title.

Vince and Angle go to the ring and Vince tells the fans to thank Kurt for what he did last night. Vince says Austin can stay wherever he is because we need a dignified champion. This is a very fast heel turn by Vince who was the nicest guy in the world all night so far. Vince says that as the sole owner of the WWF, he’s going to….be interrupted by some very familiar music.

RIC FLAIR walks out (notice the location of the show) and the place goes bonkers. Vince calls Flair a has been but Flair is very happy. He says he bet on a winner last night when he bet on the WWF. Flair says Angle should win the world title in the ring like he’s capable of doing.

Vince keeps trying to get Flair out but Flair says that this morning when Shane and Stephanie sold their stock in the company (what stock? They had bought WCW and ECW, which in storylines were different companies. What stock would they still have in the WWF? I guess the idea is that Flair bought it in June, but he flat out says he bought it “this morning”. Eh it’s WWF logic so we’ll go with it) this morning, Flair bought it, so now he and McMahon are partners. The look on Vince’s face is GREAT.

Cue Austin who beats the tar out of Angle and runs him off. Flair hands Austin the title as Austin is a good guy again. A beer bash ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. The only good stuff to come out of this was in the last ten minutes, but it raises A TON of questions. First and foremost, WHY DIDN’T THEY BRING FLAIR IN SIX MONTHS AGO??? A Flair owned WCW and a Heyman owned ECW (what a strange business partnership that would have been) vs. the Vince owned WWF would have been a very interesting story, but instead that whole thing is gone, it appears to be Austin vs. Vince again, and Rock vs. Jericho is going to light things on fire for awhile. That’s one heck of a reset.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2001
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

It’s the final Raw of the Alliance Era and I bet they’ll talk about the Winner Takes All match this Sunday. The fact that this is ending in less than six months has never ceased to blow my mind. There’s no reason for things to have wrapped up that fast, but then again I’m not Vince McMahon so what do I know about how to run a story that could have drawn billions and run for years? Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Smackdown with Taz saying that he doesn’t trust Austin anymore, earning himself a beating. The Alliance walked out on Austin. Angle told Austin to shove his hat and Austin Stunned him as well.

Here’s Angle to open the show. He talks about how there was a team that had a chance to win it all, but infighting broke that down and now they’re losers. They would be the Red Sox from this season of course. Angle wants Austin here right now, but instead he gets Edge. Edge calls Angle a coward and wants a US Title match RIGHT NOW.

US Title: Edge vs. Kurt Angle

So not only can all three McMahons and both Commissioners make matches, but wrestlers can too. Sure why not. Edge immediately dropkicks him down but Angle takes him to the mat. Edge speeds things up again and takes Kurt down before doing Kurt’s signature pose. They go to the mat again and Edge grabs the arm to control. The half nelson bulldog that edge stopped doing when he got to be a bigger star gets two.

Angle grabs a belly to belly to send Edge up and over to the floor and the challenger is in trouble. Back in that only gets two but Edge is reeling. Edge comes back with a quick flapjack but Angle rolls him down to the ground and it’s off to a chinlock. Edge tries to go up but he jumps into a belly to belly suplex. The moonsault misses and both guys are down.

Edge makes his comeback and the Edgecution and Angle Slam are both countered. Edge-O-Matic gets two and a victory roll gets the same for the challenger. Angle Slam hits and there’s the ankle lock but here’s Kane. Or rather just his entrance for a distraction so Edge can spear Angle down for the pin and the title in a major upset.

Rating: C-. As good as these guys would get over the next year or so, this really didn’t click for the most part. Edge wasn’t ready to beat Angle here so the cheating finish helps, but it still wasn’t much to go on. They were getting there though and their feud in 2002 basically brought Edge up to a new level.

Post match here’s Kane to beat up Kurt. Kane puts him in the ankle lock until some Alliance jobbers come in to get beaten up instead.

Taz has challenged Austin to a non-title match tonight because he’s all ragey.

WWF Tag Titles: Hardy Boys vs. Booker T/Test

The Hardys slide in but get jumped immediately. A suplex puts Jeff down and gets two for Booker. It’s quickly off to Test but Jeff pounds him back. A gutwrench powerbomb stops the comeback but Test’s big boot misses. The not hot tag brings in Matt who cleans house, hitting the middle rope legdrop on Booker for two. There’s the Twist/Swanton to Jeff but Test kicks Jeff’s head off. Everything breaks down and Lita hits the rana on Booker so Jeff can roll him up for the titles.

Rating: D+. YAY the Hardys are champions again! This matters…..why? No really why does this matter? Everything ends on Sunday so this is like the proverbial changing deck chairs on the Titanic. Who cares if the Hardys get another tag title run or if Edge is US Champion? There was nothing here either as it was barely long enough to grade.

Chavo Guerrero and Hugh Morrus come to Vince and ask for jobs if the Alliance loses. Why would I care if they have jobs or not?

Steve Austin vs. Taz

Austin is in jean shorts and a sweatshirt. Taz jumps him as he comes in and pounds on Austin in the corner. A low blow breaks up the Tazmission and the Stunner gets the pin. This didn’t even last 45 seconds.

Shane comes out and tells Austin to get off Taz. The Alliance is waiting in the back for a speech from Austin apparently.

The Desire video is about Undertaker. It still sounds like a perfume commercial.

Stephanie addresses the Alliance and I’m liking the leather jacket on her. She fires Morrus and Guerrero and Austin comes in. He yells at Angle but Shane yells at Austin, saying Austin needs to worry about The Rock. Booker gets yelled at for no apparent reason and this turns into another “we need to come together” pep talk. Then Shane leaves and it turns into an argument.

WCW Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Albert

Scotty gets jumped but Albert (currently Tensai) in a stupid hat makes the save. Stacy gets in for no apparent reason and hits on Scotty but Albert rips her skirt down. That would be more valuable than all of his current WWE run combined. They load up the Worm but the Dudleys pull Stacy out and pull her out and leave. No match I guess.

Jericho complains to Vince about how Rock is too obsessed with the People. Vince tells Jericho to get over it because the match on Sunday is more important.

Regal is warming up when Christian comes in. They have some tea and Regal casually tells him he’s facing Big Show tonight. Christian panics and Regal whispers something to him which calms Christian down.

Hardcore Title: Undertaker vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is defending and he fires off strikes in the corner to start. Taker comes back with right hands in the corner as well but Van Dam clotheslines him to the floor. Van Dam dives at Taker but gets caught and rammed into the post. They go up to the stage and Taker misses a boot so that his leg gets caught in part of the set. Van Dam climbs up said set and dives off with a cross body for a very delayed two.

Rob knocks Taker over to the edge of the stage but Taker knocks him back for the sake of avoiding death. Taker pounds away and slams Van Dam into the set again. The Last Ride is loaded up but Booker runs out to break it up. Booker and Van Dam pound Taker down and they head back inside. Taker fights back but Booker takes him down again. Booker goes up but gets crotched and superplexed. Van Dam comes in out of nowhere and hits the Five Star while Taker is down to retain.

Rating: D. This show is AWFUL. The matches have no thought or effort into them at all and it’s sucking the little life they had left out of the building. Weren’t Booker and Van Dam having issues recently? Well apparently they patched things up off camera because they’re fine now. Nothing to see here and it’s very clear that no one cared at all.

Rock comes in to see Vince and Vince tries to make peace with Rock and Jericho. Rock wants nothing to do with a “moose hunting Twisted Sister wannabe.” Somehow this took almost five minutes.

Here’s Mick Foley for a promo I remember being very sad to see back in the day. Foley says that he’s out of a job no matter what happens on Sunday because about three days after he became Commissioner, Vince came back and made him worthless again. Foley has a lot of things he wants to do with the rest of his life and answering to Vince isn’t one of them. If the WWF wins, Vince can take his job but he can’t take his pride.

Foley goes on a rant and a half about how the title he has in his closet (the WWF Title he won on January 4, 1999) means nothing anymore because EVERYONE has a title anymore and none of them mean anything at all. With the power he has for a little while longer, he’s going to get rid of some titles. Before he tells us how, he goes on another rant about how at Raw and Smackdown last week, he was told he wasn’t needed. I mean, why put Mick Foley on TV in Long Island? “Maybe I’m not needed on the program, but the program sure needs something and more titles isn’t it”.

On Sunday it’s Edge vs. Test in a US/IC unification match (Foley gets the respective titles wrong but that kind of reinforces his point. Neither guy had held their belts for even a month so does it matter?) and the Hardys vs. the Dudleys in a cage to unify the tag belts (for the second time in three months of course). That brings him to the Light Heavyweight and Cruiserweight Titles. “Well X-Pac is MIA. No one knows where he is and no one really cares”. Since Pac doesn’t exist anymore, Regal will face Tajiri instead and that’s that.

I want to talk about this promo for a minute. First and foremost, he’s absolutely right about almost everything he said. At this point, there were 10 championships in the company, and that’s counting the tag titles as one title instead of two. Think that that. On top of that, this was Mick Foley, one of the top stars the company has ever had and one of the nicest guys in the history of wrestling, just erupting on national TV because of how awful things had gotten. This was just over seven months after the best show in wrestling history and it’s fallen this far. Let that sink in for a minute.

Christian vs. Big Show

Non-title of course because Big Show can’t be bothered trying to win the European Title. Show shoves him down to start and throws on a bearhug. Christian is knocked to the floor and DDP comes out. That goes absolutely nowhere as he can’t even get in the ring. Christian brings in a chair but Show hits it into his face for the pin at 1:27.

This is EXACTLY what Foley is complaining about: a champion just got destroyed in less than 90 seconds and why? Christian is defending his title on Sunday but do you think his opponent was even mentioned? Big Show is in the main event of the PPV but he’s here squashing Christian in short order? Why? Does this make him look like a threat in the main event? He’s Big Show, a former world champion and a guy that has main evented Wrestlemania.

Why should Christian need to get crushed like this for the sake of Big Show? There are a dozen guys in the Alliance that you could do this to who don’t have belts, but we just HAD to have Christian get beaten up right? At the end of the day, I doubt very seriously that the WWF could have answered that back then, or they would say it doesn’t matter, which is a big part of the problem.

Anyway the Dudleys come out and break a table over Show’s head before the APA shows up for the save. Not the Hardys, as in the team that the Dudleys are facing on Sunday, but the APA, a team that is in a yet to be mentioned on this show battle royal for immunity from being fired. Little things like that are the way you can tell no one is paying attention or thinking at all.

No one is at WWF New York.

Rock is walking in the back and goes into a room. That’s it. Seriously, that’s all they showed here.

Edge was at a Rob Zombie concert in New Mexico. Riveting indeed. Edge just started using Rob Zombie as his entrance music so we see Zombie perform the FULL SONG. I like the song but if I wanted to watch a music video, I’d watch a music video.

Rock is in his locker room when Jericho comes in. Jericho complains about what Rock called him earlier and Rock complains about Jericho complaining about the people. This is pretty much the ONLY thing that was interesting on Raw at this point. Taker comes in to yell at them and complains about getting double teamed while no one came to help him. I guess when Kane and Big Show, as in the other two members of Team WWF, were getting double teamed earlier, Taker was busy having a meatball sandwich and watching Days of Our Lives, because he certainly didn’t help them out.

Kane comes in and gets yelled at too. Taker yells at the team for not being unified. Big Show is never mentioned at all during this speech. Rock and Jericho, two of the biggest mouths ever, have nothing to say to this. Oh wait Rock says they’re a team and what Taker says is clear. The tall guys leave and Jericho wishes Rock luck. Rock says he’ll be waiting for Jericho.

WCW World Title: The Rock vs. William Regal

Rock didn’t even bother changing into trunks for this. Regal jumps Rock to start and they head to the floor for a bit. Back inside and Regal hits the knee trembler for two. Off to a fast chinlock but Rock comes back with a belly to belly suplex and a DDT for two. They head outside again but Tajiri comes out to Mist Regal. You know, because Rock can’t beat Regal on his own. Spinebuster and Sharpshooter get the win for Rock. This was nothing AGAIN.

Rock calls out Austin and here’s the bald one after a break. They stare each other down and Rock says they go back to Wrestlemania. Rock remembers that night and the next night as well as earlier when Austin says he can beat Rock. Rock hopes Austin jumps to the WWF so Rock can beat Austin up in the WWF for the WWF Title. He says FINALLY but Austin takes the mic out of his hand. Now Austin wants to say FINALLY but Rock takes the mic. Rock tries to say it again but Austin pulls the mic away again. He makes fun of the people chanting Rocky and says FINALLY, but Rock pulls the mic away again. Now Rock makes fun of WHAT. It’s so clear they have NO IDEA how to fill in this time so they’re just messing around.

Austin WHAT’S the crowd for a bit and the fans applaud. Austin says that’s the bottom line but Rock steals the mic before Austin can finish. Rock says what (complete with a stutter that sounds like WOO WOO WOO beforehand) but Austin takes the mic away for about the 9 millionth time. Rock says Austin’s breath smells like strudel. Austin says he (as in Austin) has a beer belly and it’s fuel for fighting but he’s not going to do that right now. Austin says Rock has hurt his feelings and it looks like they’re finally about to fight but instead Austin wants to sing. Yes I said SING.

Austin talks about a rock band called Boston but he doesn’t remember any of their songs right now. Instead he’s going to sing Delta Dawn (complete with a shout out to a fan in Texas with a busted up leg. Ok then) and he does in fact sing the song. Rock counters with The Gambler by Kenny Rogers and we’ve officially entered the point where I have no idea what to think anymore. Rock: “That make you feel better?” Austin: “I feel like crap.” And now, TIME FOR A DUET!

They sing Margaritaville as I’m trying to remember these two singing in front of nearly 68,000 people in Houston. Oh scratch that as that was a thirty minute blood bath in the classic main event of the greatest show of all time. Instead they’re here talking about a lost shaker of salt. Aren’t they supposed to be fighting for their jobs on Sunday? Rock says he’ll never forget and Rock Bottoms Austin. Angle comes in and the big brawl between the teams ends the show. Jericho makes the save with a chair and stands behind Rock but he doesn’t swing it.

Overall Rating: F. I am in awe of what I just spent 90 minutes watching. The last fifteen minutes of this show was a singing contest between two of the three biggest stars in wrestling history. You know, as in the guys that have had the only main event trilogy at Wrestlemania ever. Now don’t get me wrong: the segment was kind of entertaining, but when it goes on for FIFTEEN MINUTES at the end of a dreadful show, it’s only going to be so good. These guys are supposed to hate each other and they look like they’re at a comedy club. Horrible show with a freaking bizarre ending.

Here’s Survivor Series if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/10/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2001-the-end-of-the-alliance-thank-goodness/

Also here is an article I wrote about the Invasion and my thoughts on why it didn’t work and what I would have changed:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/01/28/i-want-to-talk-a-little-bit-about-the-invasion/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 9, 1998
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,684
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show before Survivor Series and the Deadly Game Tournament to crown a new WWF Champion. Nothing has been announced tonight but Rock is currently out of the tournament, so I’d bet there’s going to be a way tonight for him to get back into the field. I barely remember this time for some reason but next week we’re in Lexington, which I didn’t go to for some reason. Let’s get to it.

Rock vs. Henry tonight and if Rock doesn’t win by pin or submission he’s fired.

X-Pac vs. Undertaker

Pac tries to fight fast, kicking Taker into the corner to start. Taker grabs him by the throat and launches Pac into the corner to pounds away. Maybe 30 seconds in the lights go out and here’s Kane.

Taker stands X-Pac next to him and Kane shoots a fireball at Pac. Kane chases Taker up the ramp.

X-Pac is getting treatment on his eye in the back.

Vince tells Mankind that he has to defend the Hardcore Title tonight against Shamrock. Mankind is cool with that but Vince also wants to give Mankind a makeover. This could be interesting.

Val Venis vs. Steve Blackman

Terri still says Val is the father of her baby but last night on Heat Val said he had a vasectomy. Val tries to start fast but Blackman kicks him in the chest to take him down. Off to a quick chinlock followed by a chop to the chest to take Val down again. A snap suplex gets two for Steve as does a spin kick. In a counter I’ve never seen before, Val avoids a sunset flip to send Blackman crashing to the mat. Val hits some knees to the ribs but here’s Terri to hit Val low and draw the DQ.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as this was about Val and Terri more than anything else. Blackman was nothing of note by this point and he just filled in a spot on the roster. Val was another character that only had so much of a shelf life as an adult star isn’t something that can go very far, at least not on basic cable. This was pretty worthless.

Owen Hart runs out and beats up Steve Blackman.

Mankind gets a haircut.

Mosh vs. Road Dogg vs. D’Lo Brown

Brown and Dogg get started without Mosh. Shane McMahon is the referee and Mosh is in now. Everyone fights everyone to start and no one can get a clear advantage. Mosh rolls up Dogg for two. Brown is the only one left standing and he informs us that he does not suck. He misses a charge into the corner and Mosh pounds away at him, only for Roadie to roll him up for two.

Mosh dumps Brown to the floor and gets two on Road Dogg. A top rope leg drop misses but the frog splash misses Mosh. Everyone is down so Shane counts a bit. Road Dogg is the first one up and he double clotheslines both guys down, only to walk into a leg lariat from Brown. Mosh hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) out of nowhere on Brown for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this as they didn’t have a formula for these things yet so this actually came off as something different out of a three way match. They were playing up the idea that anyone could win here so that on Sunday when the titles were on the line in the triple threat the titles would seem to be more in jeopardy. This was surprisingly good.

Jarrett says Al Snow ticks him off and on Sunday he’s going to take him out. As for tonight, Debra (who sounds like she has a sore throat) says she’ll prove Goldust is all man.

Mankind gets a pedicure and mourns his losing of Socko.

Goldust vs. Jeff Jarrett

Terri comes out in the Marlena outfit but Goldust tells her to get out of his life because she’s earned her problems. Jarrett jumps Goldie and knocks him to the floor. Back in and Goldust rolls through a top rope cross body for two and takes over with his usual strikes. Back to the floor and Jarrett gets dropped face first onto the steps. Debra offers a distraction and Jarrett clotheslines Goldust, somehow making him fall forward. That gets Jeff nowhere though as Goldust hits a bulldog for two back inside. Goldie pounds away in corner but Debra blocks Shattered Dreams. Goldust kisses her but walks into a guitar shot for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Again this was just filler but it had some cleavage in it at least. Other than that though this was just filler until we got to the guitar shot as well as a way to have the beginning part with Terri being told to get away from Dustin. These two seem to be the same kind of old school guys so the match wasn’t bad but it was pretty worthless.

Rock arrives.

We talk about Jesse Ventura being elected recently.

Rock says he doesn’t like Vince that much but he’ll keep his job tonight. He doesn’t quite have his signature promo style down yet but that would really come into form next year.

After Rock is done talking we turn to see Goldust beating the tar out of Jarrett. The Blue Blazer runs up and attacks Goldust. Goldust gets up and goes after Jarrett again as the Blazer has left.

Hardcore Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind

Mankind is defending but I can’t call him the champ because Shamrock is IC Champion. Mankind is in a tuxedo here. Vince and company come out to watch on the stage. Shamrock pounds him down to start and hits a leg lariat to put Mankind down again. Mankind takes off his shoe to hit Shamrock in the head and take over again. After a quick trip to the Tree of Woe we head to the floor and Shamrock grabs a small package for two.

Now Shamrock hits Mankind with the shoe and they go onto the announce table with Mankind pounding away. Back into the ring as Lawler is amazed by the shoe for some reason. Mankind and his blue vest are backdropped onto a chair for no cover. Back to the floor and Mankind reverses a whip, sending Shamrock into the steps. There’s the Claw on the floor as the announcers take some jabs at WCW for the Halloween Havoc 98 debacle.

Shamrock sends him into the steps to escape the hold and things slow down a bit. A belly to belly suplex puts Mankind down but Ken can’t cover. He goes for the ankle but Mankind kicks him low to escape. A chair shot to the back puts Shamrock down again but Mankind DDTs him on the chair for a close two.

Mankind chases him up the ramp with the chair but he can’t make contact on any of the swings. Shamrock grabs a belly to back suplex up by Vince but it only gets two. With both guys slowly getting up, Shamrock kills him with a chair but Bossman hits Shamrock with the nightstick and Mankind gets the pin to retain. Mankind didn’t see Bossman hit Shamrock.

Rating: C+. This was a far different kind of match than the Hardcore Title matches you would get used to which were based in comedy, as these two were beating the tar out of each other. Also this was back in the day when there wasn’t a history of these matches. See, new stuff did come out of the Attitude Era.

Rock has been attacked but we don’t know anything else about it.

Scratch that as apparently Rock has been hit in the back of the head with something.

Here’s Austin for a chat. Austin talks about overstepping his bounds with Vince and lists off some of the ways in which he’s done that. Here’s Bossman who says he’s well paid to take care of Austin on Sunday. Austin says that sounds like a threat so Austin implies that Bossman likes having fun with inmates in the shower. Or maybe that’s just how I interpreted him saying Bossman hears squeaks in the night. They’ll fight on Sunday. One thing to note here: Bossman kept saying the date of Survivor Series. That’s an old school tactic to sell a show and it’s very effective. Why does no one do that more often?

Rock is still being worked on.

Vince says Rock still has to win as an ambulance is being loaded up.

Al Snow vs. Tiger Ali Singh

Singh says Snow is wrestling Babu. Snow jumps Singh and hits him with Head. Here’s Debra as Babu gets sent into the ring.

Al Snow vs. Babu

Snow hits a wheelbarrow suplex but Singh offers a distraction. Babu gets in some offense but Snow shrugs it off. Singh low bridges Snow and Debra steals Head. Back in the ring the Snow Plow kills Babu but Snow sees Debra with Head. Singh bulldogs Snow and gets the pin. Since this is 1998, we’ll go with “sure, why not.”

Video of Sable working out.

Rock is STILL down in his locker room. Vince says he has to fight tonight.

Kane vs. Edge

Who would have thought this would be a world title match on some PPVs 12 years later? Kane has a can of gasoline and what appears to be a blowtorch. Edge runs to start but Kane gets his hands on him. The monster chokes in the corner but Edge clotheslines him to the floor. Back in and the beating really begins as Kane starts throwing the much smaller Edge around.

A rana is countered into a powerbomb and Edge is in trouble. He gets up and tries a missile dropkick but Kane shrugs it off. Kane sits up out of a DDT and throws Edge over the top and onto Gangrel. He clotheslines Edge off the steps and starts beating up the rest of the Brood. Edge gets in a baseball slide and a dive over the top rope to take Kane down. The rest of the Brood beats on Kane and there’s the DQ.

Rating: D. There was nothing to see here as Edge was getting NOTHING here, although to be fair he was nowhere near ready to do that yet. We don’t know anything about the Brood yet other than Edge and Christian are brothers. This wasn’t much of a match and the ending really hurt things too. Still though, nothing to see here.

Kane chokeslams all of them and piles them all up. He gets the gasoline and blowtorch as it’s time for a little human burning. Kane chokeslams the referee and puts him on the pile too. Other referees come up and save the guys from incineration.

Kane goes into the crowd for no apparent reason and chokeslams a fan over the railing.

Here’s Vince with something to say. Vince has the goons turn him to the stage so he can see Rock come out. Rock can wrestle with a headache so where is he? Vince says we’re in Dallas, the home of the Cowboys. Some Cowboys are here tonight and he wonders if they have the guts to stand up and be recognized. Vince makes fun of the Cowboys and says they’re on a losing streak. I’m a big Dallas fan so this is great heel stuff for me.

Instead Shane comes out with a mic. He says that this is about family business, not Rock or Austin or the people. Vince says this is his business, not family business. He tells Shane to get out before the goons beat on him. Shane stands his grounds so Vince tells Bossman to get him. Before Bossman hits him, here’s Austin for the save.

The Rock vs. Mark Henry

If Rock loses or doesn’t win by pin or submission, he’s out of a job. Vince and company are still at ringside. Apparently if Rock wins he’s also back in the tournament. After three times playing his music, here’s Rock in workout gear. Rock jumps Henry and fires off right hands. Rock hits some elbows to the chest and they head to the floor. Henry gets in a low blow and back inside we go.

Henry works on the back of Rock, despite the BIG FREAKING HEAD INJURY he had earlier in the night. Then again no one ever accused Henry of being a genius. Rock comes back with a suplex but Henry takes his head off with a clothesline. An elbow drop gets two and it’s time for a bearhug. Rock fights out of it and they clothesline each other down. Some clotheslines get two for Rock and with Brown up on the apron for some reason, Rock hits Henry low.

Henry comes back with a powerslam for a close two and now Bossman and Brown both get up on the apron. Somehow Bossman cuffs himself to the ring and Rock DDTs Henry for two but Brown pulls the referee out. There’s the Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow but there’s still no referee. Shane runs out and counts the pin just to tick Vince off even more.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing of note here but the place was on fire for Rock. That’s what amazes me more and more as far as Sunday goes. Henry was his usual self here but Rock is strong enough to do something with a guy the size of Henry. Rock is one of those guys that can make ANYTHING entertaining and that’s what he did here. The head injury pretty much disappeared though.

Post match Rock beats up Vince and leaves him laying with a Rock Bottom.

Overall Rating: C+. This show’s wrestling was hit or miss but it was certainly entertaining. The tournament is way bigger than it needed to be as for the most part there were about six people (and that’s a stretch) who had a chance at winning the title. The show on Sunday would change things for the next several months, but dang it would get fun.

Here’s Survivor Series if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/articles/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1998-deadly-game-the-tournament-not-hhh

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 16, 2012
Location: Mandalay Bay Casino, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Money in the Bank is over and Cena is Mr. MITB for Raw. Tonight is the final show before the real big match of the month in the form of the 1000th Raw. Punk is still champion so it’s pretty clear that Cena vs. Punk is either going to be next week or at Summerslam, unless they throw us an unlikely curve ball. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Punk to open the show. He talks about how he loves Vegas because it’s the same place that he dropped his first pipe bomb right up there on that stage. Last night he went through a war and kept the world title, because he’s the best in the world, which is what he said a year ago. With the 1000th Raw next week, he has to flash back to the first Raw when he wouldn’t even get a chance to be on TV.

Cue Big Show, who Punk faces tonight. Show says he was inches away from winning the MITB case last night but the handle broke to give it to Cena. If Show had the case, he’d cash it in right now. Punk says Show almost won last night, but he didn’t quite do it. Show is a guy that breaks a lot of stuff but no one respects him.

Show laughs at the idea that people respect Punk, but that’s impossible because the people don’t respect themselves. If Punk left the WWE tomorrow, it would be a week before the people moved on to the next big thing. Show calls Punk a joke so Punk says Show is a well paid shell of a man that happens to be a giant. Show says that after Punk gets knocked out tonight, he might lose the title to Cena.

Tag Titles: Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Prime Time Players

1. Why didn’t this match happen on the PPV last night?

2. Why did they have the #1 contenders lose clean last night if they’re getting the title match tonight?

3. Why should I care?

Titus and Kofi start things off and it’s quickly off to Young. Kofi fights them off and brings in Truth as things speed up. The Players get sent to the floor and Kofi hits a flip dive to take them out as we take a break. Back with Young holding onto Truth before it’s off to Titus. Kofi finally dives over to Truth and house is a little less dirty now. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on Titus and Little Jimmy gets the pin on him at about 7:15 total.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much here. Thankfully they didn’t change the titles after the Players got beat last night, but at the same time, they would have been the right choice for the titles now. It’s clear they’re putting no thought at all into this division but who cares anyway? They’re just the tag belts.

Daniel apologizes to AJ in the back when Eve pops in. Tonight it’s AJ/Bryan vs. Eve/???. Eve insults AJ and leaves. Bryan has something to say to AJ after they win tonight and he kisses her on the cheek.

TOUT IT OUT!

Alberto Del Rio vs. Zach Ryder

Alberto jumps him to start and takes out the arm with a DDT. They go to the floor and it’s more arm work followed by the cross armbreaker for the pin at 1:33.

Alberto goes after the arm even more until REY MYSTERIO comes back for the save. By save I mean waiting on the stage and doing his full entrance, during which Del Rio could have ripped Ryder’s arm off and beaten him senseless with it. Rey gets beaten down for a second but hits a spinning headscissors and the 619 sends Del Rio running.

Heath Slater vs. various legends happened on Raw. This is really one of the moments they feature.

Heath Slater vs. Rikishi

Kish looks decent. Thankfully he’s wearing a t-shirt here which is probably a telling sign for him. Slater sings a bit, takes a superkick, the Stink Face and a Samoan Spike of all things. Rump Shaker ends this at 1:11. See, THIS is how you do nostalgia. Not by having Dusty and Piper come out every three months.

In a very cool moment, the Usos (Rikishi’s sons) appear in the ring to do the Too Cool dance with their dad.

Eve Torres/??? vs. Daniel Bryan/AJ

Eve’s partner is Miz. The crowd LOUDLY chants YES with Bryan in a cool moment. The guys get us going here. Bryan fires off some HARD kicks in the corner and it’s quickly off to the girls. Eve chokes away in the corner but AJ snaps and fires off a bunch of Bryan like kicks. Miz distracts the referee so AJ kicks him to the floor and looks all loony. Eve rolls up AJ but there’s no referee. Bryan reverses it and AJ pins Eve at 2:55.

Post match Bryan says he loves AJ and says he asked for her hand in marriage last week to become WWE Champion. Tonight though, he wants nothing. He gets on one knee and pulls out a ring. AJ says yes and they kiss.

Another Raw moment is when Rock threw the Smoking Skull belt into the river.

The wedding is next week. Dang they’re packing that thing.

Jack Swagger vs. Ryback

That’s quite the upgrade over Hawkins and Reks. Swagger jumps Ryback before the bell and hits the gutwrench bomb. Vader Bomb keeps Ryback down and there’s the ankle lock but Ryback shrugs it off. Swagger shoulders him down but can’t put the ankle lock on again. Ryback takes Jack’s head off with a clothesline and a BIG spinebuster followed by a a triple powerbomb. Swagger bails and Ryback stands tall. The bell never rang and there was never a match. Good looking beatdown though and it’s good to see Ryback getting beaten down a bit before making these comebacks.

TOUT IT OUT BABY!

Here are Ziggler and Vickie. Ziggler talks about how great he is and how he’ll be better than Bret, Rock and Austin. Vickie makes sure to say every name after he says it…..and here’s Jericho. Ziggler cuts him off before Jericho can say anything because this isn’t about Jericho. Ziggler says he won the match last night while Jericho didn’t. When is the last time Jericho won anything? Actually Dolph doesn’t remember either, but he does remember hearing Jericho talk about how great he is.

Ziggler talks about how all Jericho does is lose, despite being given more chances than anyone else. All Jericho does is lose because he’s all hype. Ziggler thinks Jericho is losing his touch, so here’s a Codebreaker for him. I think that’s a face turn for Jericho. Jericho never said anything and leaves.

TOUT IT OUT AGAIN!

We run down the stuff for next week: Bryan/AJ’s wedding, Rock live, Brock answers HHH’s challenge and DX reunites again.

Brodus Clay vs. JTG

After Brodus’ entrance we’re told that Christian will defend the IC Title next week due to a poll on WWE.com. JTG actually gets an entrance. Great to see Brodus moving up the card like he has since the Show match. Usual stuff here with JTG going after Brodus’ still bad knee. Brodus comes back and splashes JTG for the pin at 2:30.

Vince was bald on Raw once.

CM Punk vs. Big Show

Non title here. Punk tries to move away from Show and stabs with kicks to the leg of the giant. Show gets his hands on the champ and chops him in the corner before running Punk over with a shoulder. They head to the floor and Punk is in big trouble. He escapes the shoulders of Big Show and rams the bald head of the Show into the post. Back inside and here come the kicks. Punk blasts Show a bit but gets shoved right back down.

Punk gets up a boot but jumps into a bearhug and then a slam. With Show firing away shots at the ribs, Punk jumps on his back and hooks a sleeper. That gets broken up by a side slam and Punk is still in trouble. The Vader Bomb misses and Punk tries some clotheslines. They only do so much though as a backdrop puts the champ down. Show loads up the WMD but Punk ducks and hits a high kick. Another high kick staggers Show and a third one knocks him into the corner.

The knee hits in the corner as does a second one. Punk hits a third one but the bulldog is countered. Show charges but a corner splash hits the post. Punk hits the top rope elbow but Show shrugs him off at two. The springboard dropkick lands in the chokeslam but Punk gets his foot on the ropes at two. Show is all ticked off now and he sends Punk into the corner to pound away on the ribs. And there goes the referee for the DQ at 9:20.

Rating: B-. I was digging this one for the most part until the ending. That being said, the ending wasn’t too bad as it was all to set up the post match stuff which is coming in a minute. There’s only so much you can do here though as the beating from Show can only be shrugged off so many times. I was digging the match though and it worked well.

Post match the beating continues and here’s Cena with the case. Show leaves but Cena wants a mic. He says that he’s cashing in……but Show cuts him off before Cena can say when. Show says Cena is cashing in right now because Cena hasn’t been champion in a long time. A referee runs out as Show says Cena would be a fool to not cash in now. He says there’s never going to be an easier win for Cena than right now, but Cena says no. Cena says that Punk has one week to prepare because it’s next week. As for tonight, his announcement is a case shot to the head of Big Show. Punk and Cena stare it down to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This wasn’t a great show but it had a lot of good parts to it. There is some potential in some of the stuff they’re talking about, but it’s clear that everything will go down next week. The Tout stuff gets annoying quick but at least it’s short I guess. Cena and Punk are going to clash and it’s going to be awesome, so we have that to look forward to also. Things are looking up a bit and that couldn’t come fast enough for this company.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 9, 2012
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show before Money in the Bank and things are pretty well set up so far. We have Bryan vs. Punk for the title on Sunday and Cena vs. Show vs. Kane vs. Jericho in the world title match. We’re also two weeks away from the 1000th show so expect a lot of hype for that as is the custom on these shows anymore. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap video from last week’s shows, focusing on AJ/Bryan/Punk. This is longer than your usual opening video.

Here’s AJ to open the show. She says she’s the guest referee on Sunday and she realizes she can affect the outcome of the match. That’s an overwhelming feeling, so she needs help introducing Punk. Cue the champ who wants to know what’s going on here. AJ says Punk showed his true feelings about her last week, saying that she needed help. She says she’s in full control of her mind and starts talking much slower.

AJ says that once Punk kissed her, she knew what she had to do. She gets all psycho looking again and talks about Punk’s eyes, which are currently glaring at her. AJ says those eyes send love into her heart and fill her with desire. Quote: “They turn me on.” Punk looks very uncomfortable with this. AJ says she knows what she has to do….and she gets down on one knee and proposes.

Bryan SPRINTS down the aisle and shouts NO. He says this would be the biggest mistake of her life and he can’t allow her to do this. Bryan talks about how Punk is playing her for the match on Sunday. He says he never stopped having feelings for AJ but Punk only cares about himself. Punk says Bryan knows nothing so shut up. Bryan tells Punk to prove it by saying I Do but Punk can’t do it. Bryan says Punk sees her as a special referee but Bryan sees her as a special person.

Daniel says he came here tonight not intending to stop a proposal, but to make one of his own. He gets down on one knee and asks AJ to marry him. Punk says hang on a second and says it’s a load. If he planned this, where’s the ring? Punk says he and AJ should go to the back and talk but Bryan starts yelling too.

Cue the Anonymous Raw GM who is in power tonight. Ok that was awesome. Cole is relishing the computer being back too. Tonight it’s a mixed tag with Punk/AJ vs. Bryan/Eve. Bryan says no because AJ is his partner but the GM says get over it. AJ says this is confusing and that they all need some time to think. The match is going to be good though because everything happens for a reason. AJ has a feeling she’ll walk out of the arena tonight with her future husband. LONG promo here but it got going eventually.

We recap Del Rio attacking and injuring Sheamus on Smackdown.

Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger

Non-title of course. Swagger rams him into the corner to start but the Vader Bomb is caught in White Noise. Brogue Kick and we’re done at 54 seconds. You can’t say Sheamus isn’t efficient.

Del Rio is in the back in his car and says that Swagger is no Del Rio. On Sunday he’ll win the title. With that he starts his engine, so Sheamus kicks Swagger again.

Santino congratulates Ryder for winning the battle royal. Word is the Anonymous GM is in the building tonight so Sherlock Marella is going to find him.

Rock is confirmed for the 1000th Raw, live.

Dolph Ziggler/Tensai vs. Tyson Kidd/Christian

No intros for anyone here. Vickie is on commentary and Ziggler starts with Kidd. It’s quickly off to Christian who takes over on Dolph. The jumping back elbow out of the corner sets up a flapjack to Ziggler but it’s quickly off to Tensai. Sakamoto grabs Christian’s leg so Tensai can splash him in the corner and hit the backsplash for the pin at 1:30.

Post match Tensai powerbombs Kidd on the apron and hits a backsplash on the floor.

Cole talks about wanting the computer to be GM while Jerry wants Teddy to run Smackdown and Foley to run Raw. Cole gets upset and throws a drink at Lawler, only to be saves by an e-mail. Michael won’t read it so Jerry says that tonight it’s himself vs. Cole. Cole freaks out so another e-mail says that there will be a poll on WWE.com to determine if the match takes place. Ok then.

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew jumps him to start and goes up, only to jump into the headbutt. Big splash and we’re done at 36 seconds.

Santino accuses Jericho of being the GM, so Jericho accuses Santino of being the GM. Santino says no and leaves. Big Show comes in to talk about the tag team match tonight against Cena/Kane. Jericho talks strategy, but Big Show yells about how much his time in Jeri-Show sucked. He says for Jericho to stay out of his way tonight.

Another Raw Moment is Stephanie faking being pregnant to get HHH back. HHH found out and snapped at the altar while they were renewing their wedding vows.

Here’s Cena for a chat before the tag match later. He talks about how the match is going to be a spectacle and about rising above everyone else, but more importantly than that, it almost guarantees you a world title. This Sunday is about more than an opportunity though, because he’s going to do two things: he’ll stop Big Show and he’ll do whatever he has to do to win the match.

John Cena/Kane vs. Chris Jericho/Big Show

Good to see Kane and Cena have made up after Kane tried to take him out a few months back. Cena and Jericho start and John destroys the Canadian as is his custom. Off to Big Show whose chokeslam is countered. Cena immediately runs off and tags Kane which looked wrong for him. The monsters pound away on each other and Big Show takes over. Things slow way down as Show knocks Kane down and brings in Jericho. Jericho walks right into an uppercut and there’s the tag to Cena. Show distracts the referee, allowing Jericho to get in a kick as we take a break.

Back with Show running over Cena and chopping him in the corner. Cena tries the FU out of nowhere but can’t hold Show up. He does however manage a suplex and it’s off to Kane, only to have him walk into a side slam for two followed by a spear for two more. Off to Jericho who stomps away in the corner and chokes on the middle rope. Kane is in trouble as Show adds in a chop and we take a second break in the same match. Back with Kane hitting a side slam and making the hot tag. Cena cleans house and hits the AA on Jericho, but Show pulls the referee out…..and that’s a DQ at 16:40. How is THAT a DQ?

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here for the most part and the ending was terrible. I like not having someone in the match or lose here, but dang man, can we get a better ending than that? This wasn’t awful and it built on the PPV match a bit, but there was nothing to the match at all over than filling in a lot of time.

Show beats up all three guys with ladders post match. Cena comes back and beats up Show with the ladder.

We recap the opening segment, as in reshow it.

Eve says AJ needs to hear the words I Do tonight or she’ll snap. Eve says Punk has been champion for seven months and he’s been second fiddle to a bunch of people. It must be emasculating doing it to AJ. Eve leaves and Punk is upset.

Santino finds a phone but it’s Khali’s, who can’t speak much English.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater

This is for the Smackdown world title MITB match. Cara hits the Tajiri elbow to start but Slater pounds him down. Off to a chinlock but Cara counters with his signature wristlock out of the corner. A springboard crossbody puts Slater down and the spinning mat Slam sends Cara to the PPV at 1:42.

Slater wants any former champion to come down to face him. Cue Bob Backlund in wrestling trunks, looking about 20 years younger than he is. Slater gets in some shots but gets caught in the Crossface Chickenwing. Slater taps, even though this wasn’t a match.

The fans vote to have the match with Lawler and Cole. Cole rants about it as we go to a break.

Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler

Josh and Booker jump in on commentary. Cole tries to run but Booker throws him back in. Lawler puts him in an airplane spin and wins at 56 seconds. They spent ALL NIGHT building to this and it’s a one move match.

And never mind as the GM changes the decision because of Booker’s interference. Cue Santino who says the only place the GM could be is under the ring. E-mail says no he isn’t. There’s no one under the ring sending e-mails, but Santino thinks that sounds like a clue. Santino goes to find out who it is and he gets pulled to the mat. Jerry helps him….and it’s Hornswoggle under the ring. Horny hits Jerry in the shin and bites Santino, but he kicks Cole too. Tell me he wasn’t the GM the whole time. Please. I need to hear that right now.

Daniel Bryan/Eve Torres vs. AJ/CM Punk

The guys start it off and Punk fires off forearms. Bryan comes back with the kicks in the corner but Punk hits a leg lariat to take him down. AJ tags herself in and that means Eve has to come in too. AJ takes Eve down but Eve comes back. A flipping splash hits AJ’s knees though and AJ pounds Eve down again, followed by a running dropkick to the head. Eve goes to tag Bryan but Bryan drops to the floor. A rollup pins Eve at 3:18.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here other than the always hot Eve and the psycho AJ. I’m not sure how this builds up to the PPV on Sunday but I guess that’s what the post match stuff is for. Bryan’s actions don’t make much sense but that might just be AJ rubbing off on him. This was barely enough to rate.

Bryan tries to convince AJ to leave with him but Punk says Bryan is trying to use her. Punk says that he doesn’t care what this costs him, but he isn’t going to marry her. At least he cares enough to tell her the truth. AJ looks at him and fights back tears before slapping him in the face. As you would expect, she slaps Bryan too and chants YES to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. They covered a lot of stuff here, but MY GOODNESS there were some big wastes of time here, namely the GM stuff. That very well may have been the worst show long angle in the history of the show, and that’s covering a lot of ground. There was some good build to the PPV, but dang man this was hit and miss all night. Also most of the matches being short didn’t help anything.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 2, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re in the second half of the year now with Raw again. We have four MITB contestants so far and there’s a rumor of a fifth showing up. I believe it’ll be a former champion but it’s hard to say given how this company keeps its stipulations straight. Lesnar is supposed to be here tonight too so we’ll get more of him vs. HHH. This is one of those shows that is going to be used to build towards the PPV. Let’s get to it.

After more technical difficulties, here’s Cena to open things up. He talks about how last week was his crash course in MITB because you never know when someone is going to come and break things up. He’ll win the case and the title and all the stuff you would expect him to say. Cue Bryan chanting YES. Cena: “See? Even Bryan agrees with me.” Bryan says he’ll win the title at MITB so Cena won’t be the next champion.

Cue Punk who says he disagrees with Bryan’s claim that he’ll win. He asks people if they disagree with Bryan, getting a lot of YES chants. For some reason only Cena has had theme music so far. Punk says that Bryan’s ex-girlfriend will be counting the shoulders down, and then it’s Punk vs. Cena all over again. Cue Jericho (with music) who says he’s tired of people stealing his catchphrases. Bryan cuts him off and is told to shut up as only Jericho can say it.

Jericho welcomes us to Raw Is Jericho and says that after tonight no one will evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvver be the same again. He says he’ll win MITB and dares anyone to come out and say otherwise, and of course he’s Kane. Kane says otherwise in something that made me chuckle. Cue Big Show and it’s a big brawl. Kane beats on Jericho and Cena goes after Big Show while Bryan and Punk are both going to the floor. Kane goes after Big Show but Show knocks everyone down.

David Otunga/Cody Rhodes/Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth/Christian/Santino Marella

Christiana nd Young start things off and a middle rope missile dropkick gets two for the Canadian. Off to Truth for his first action in months after a broken foot. Young tries a right hand but gets gyrated at instead. Off to Kofi who hits a middle rope shoulder for two. Boom Drop is broken up by Titus who pulls Darren to the floor. Kofi dives onto Titus but gets clotheslined down by Young as everything breaks down.

We take a break and come back with Cody holding Kofi in a surfboard. AW is mic’d up now for some reason. Titus comes in and slams Kofi for two. Kofi gets in a shot and it’s off to Santino vs. Otunga. Santino hits that quick suplex and a Stunner for two. Everything breaks down again and the Prime Time Players walk off. Santino hits his usual and Cody walks out on Otunga. Cue Brodus Clay of all people as Santino loads up the Cobra. Otunga keeps trying to run but gets thrown into the Cobra for the pin at 6:24. Too short to rate given what we saw but this was organized chaos at its best.

Otunga takes a bunch of finishers post match and we get a big dance party.

Teddy (in charge tonight) is dancing in the back when Alberto and Ricardo come in. Alberto earned his one on one title match and he wants it by Jorge. The Board has said that Alberto gets his title match at MITB but tonight, Alberto has a surprise opponent.

Stephanie talks about her dad getting ready for the 99 Rumble. It was basically a Rocky parody mixed with a way to show off that Vince was in great shape.

Alberto Del Rio vs. ???

Cole talks about how the car was driven here from Alberto’s home near Mexico City. That makes me wonder: how does he get these cars everywhere? Does he have a big fleet of people driving/transporting them all over the country? If so….that’s kind of awesome. The fans GO OFF on Alberto with some Spanish swearing. Here’s the opponent.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara

Think Cara is popular in south Texas? Cole calls Mexican wrestlers lucha libres. Mike Tenay he is not. Del Rio jumps Cara as he comes into the ring and goes insane on him. The bell hasn’t rung yet. Del Rio destroys Cara on the floor and puts him in the armbreaker so Cara taps. There was no match.

Bryan is in the back and steals a flower from a random bouquet. He comes up to AJ and apologizes, even though AJ has Punk X’s on his hands. She says that’s sweet and of course has nothing to do with the title match at the PPV. Tonight she’s going to win and run into the arms of her soul mate. She destroys the flower and leaves.

Heyman is live via satellite instead of Lesnar being here.

There’s a 20 man battle royal tomorrow on Smackdown. The winner is next week’s GM of Smackdown. Ok then.

After a recap of the Heyman/HHH challenge to Lesnar, we’re told by Heyman that Brock will deliver his answer to HHH in person at the 1000th Raw. Lesnar wants to face HHH at Summerslam but not for the reasons people thing. HHH will do it because he needs money for the lawsuit. Also, it’s his exit strategy for his career, because after this HHH will never be able to wrestle again. After Summerslam, he can be the executive that everyone says went down in a blaze of glory.

Kane vs. Big Show later on in a No DQ match. Heaven help me.

Vickie Guerrero/Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus/AJ

This looks odd on paper but when you think about it all of the connections are there. The guys start us off after Sheamus puts AJ on the apron. Dolph dropkicks him down but gets launched into the air soon thereafter. A running ax handle gets two for the champ but Dolph takes him down into a chinlock. Sheamus breaks that up and hits White Noise. He loads up the Brogue Kick but Dolph tags Vickie before it can hit. Sheamus kicks his head off to send him to the floor and AJ comes in. Shining Wizard kills Vickie at 3:27.

Rating: C-. This was VERY short but DANG that Shining Wizard was awesome. AJ continues to be insane but it looks like we’re heading up to the payoff at MITB which is the right play. This was barely long enough to grade and I’m not sure what the point was in basically destroying Ziggler like that. Still though, that Shining Wizard was awesome.

AJ does the YES chant and heads to the back. She finds Punk who is on the phone with his sister. He missed the match and AJ is crushed.

We get a video of Slater’s destruction at the hands of old people, leading to this.

Heath Slater vs. Doink The Clown

This is basically a squash with Slater hitting his spinning sleeper mat slam (didn’t that have a name?) for the pin at 1:20.

Post match, here’s DDP to a BIG reaction and a Diamond Cutter.

Video on John Cena and Alicia Fox visiting sick/injured troops.

Kane vs. Big Show

This is No DQ. Show controls to start and sends Kane to the floor. He pulls Kane up from the floor BY HIS HEAD, onlyt o knocks Kane back to the floor again. Show misses a charge into the barricade but he throws Kane into the steps to take over. They fight over a chokeslam onto the announce table but Show superkicks him down instead. Show brings a chair in but walks into a DDT for two. The top rope clothesline misses but Kane grabs the chair. Show spears him down and chokeslams Kane onto the chair for the pin at 3:44.

Rating: D+. This was probably the best possible idea for them: keep things short. This wasn’t horrible but I’m not sure what the point of the stipulation was. It came out of nowhere, but to be fair it probably made the match as watchable as it was. These two have never had good chemistry together so keeping it short was probably their best option.

Teddy runs into Eve in the back and she sucks up to him. Teddy gives her a nametag in a funny bit. She rips it up and runs into AJ, telling her to leave the mind games to the big girls and telling AJ to go sit in the corner and cry. AJ wants to know who Eve is going to brown nose next. Eve will do anything to get attention, so AJ says she’ll show everyone how to do just that.

DX invading WCW was a big deal as well. This one actually was.

Tyson Kidd vs. Tensai

Tensai takes him into the corner and fires off the headbutts but misses a charge. Kidd rolls him up……AND GETS THE PIN AT 20 SECONDS???? WOW.

Tensai beats up Sakamoto post match.

Jericho and Bryan debate jackets and a catchphrase duel breaks out. YES vs. EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER is hilarious.

Punk tells Cena to follow his lead out there.

Tensai destroys Kidd in the locker room.

Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk/John Cena

Punk and Bryan start things off. They speed things up of course and Punk takes control. He sends Bryan into the corner and it’s a double tag. Cena dominates Jericho as he is known to do, knocking him off the apron as we take a break. Back with Jericho getting two on Cena and taunting him for not being able to tag Punk. The Lionsault misses but Bryan breaks up the tag again.

The corner dropkick gets two for Bryan and it’s off to Jericho again. The dueling chants begin but Jericho blocks the fisherman’s suplex. The AA is countered into a DDT but Cena fires Jericho into the corner to put both guys down. There’s the diving tag to Punk, who comes in with a springboard clothesline to take over on the fresh Bryan. Powerslam gets two and Bryan gets put in the Vice. Jericho FINALLY makes a save but Cena fights him up the aisle and into the back.

Punk and Bryan are the legal guys left, as well as the only two still in the ring. Bryan moonsaults out of the corner but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. Bryan starts firing off the kicks and a big one to the head gets two. Bryan goes up but gets superplexed down for another two. And here’s AJ to skip around the ring. No one looks at her so she gets on the apron as Bryan fires off kicks to Punk.

No one looks at her still so she gets down as the guys hit cross bodies at the same time. AJ goes under the ring and pulls out….a table? She sets it up at ringside and very slowly climbs the steps. AJ goes up top but Bryan gets in front of the table. Punk gets up on the ropes to stop her as well, so she kisses him. Then she shoves him through Bryan through the table and starts a YES chant. The match ends at we’ll say 17:30.

Rating: B. The match was great and while the ending was confusing, it’s certainly intriguing. This certainly keeps things interesting as she still hasn’t picked anyone. She’s the most interesting character in the company right now by far, because in short you don’t know what she (AJ for you idiots out there) is going to do next. Good ending to a good match.

Overall Rating: C. The first hour was similar to having a blind monk with Parkinson’s Disease brand me with an iron while Chinese torture masters ripped out my fingernails. The second hour was better, to the point where I was really getting into things before the show ended. Kidd pulling off that upset was the perfect move as it gives him even more momentum going into the PPV. In short, very good second hour, pretty bad first hour.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 25, 2012
Location: Allen County War Memorial Coliseum, Fort Wayne, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Tonight should be an eventful night. Jericho is back tonight and we should begin the build to the ladder matches. From what I understand we’re going to have specified title ladder matches instead of brand ones, meaning that the brands will mix even further. So far all we have is Big Show in the Raw Title match so we need to start filling in some of those spots. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the AJ saga and dang she is cute.

We go live and AJ is talking to all three of the guys she’s involved with, although we can’t see any of them. She tells “Daniel” that they need to drift apart. When she sees Kane she wants to get wild, but Kane is a monster instead of a man. She thinks of herself and Punk as soul mates but it’s best if they go their separate ways. The camera pans around to show she’s looking in a mirror.

Theme song.

Brodus vs. Show tonight.

Here’s Vickie because she’s in charge tonight. She thinks she’ll become GM on the 1000th episode of Raw. Here’s the first match.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane vs. CM Punk

This is under elimination rules but I think it’s non-title. Kane takes them both down to start but Bryan goes for his leg. They double team the monster just like at the PPV and send him to the floor, only for Bryan to grab a rollup for two on Punk. Punk hooks a kind of curb stomp for two and knocks Kane back to the floor. The suicide dive meets an uppercut and AJ is watching in the back. Bryan dives into Kane and is rammed into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Kane in control but the small guys double team him. That goes nowhere as Punk plays Animal to Kane’s Hawk, but the clothesline misses as Bryan rolls up Punk for two. They suplex Kane down and speed things up, doing their usual strike off. Kane charges over the top and Bryan gets launched on top of him. Punk dives onto both of them and heads back in. Punk dives into a YES Lock attempt but he rolls out of it. The high kick gets two on Bryan who gets his foot on the ropes.

He loads up the GTS but Kane kicks him down for two. Side slam gets the same. There’s the top rope clothesline and Kane loads up the chokeslam, but here’s AJ to skip around the ring. Chokeslam is countered and there’s the GTS to eliminated the big fried freak. Bryan comes in and kicks Punk in the head to win it at 10:10.

Rating: C+. I like this pairing and AJ made things even better as usual, so I’m fine with this as the opener. Kane is still the wildcard in this so it’s hard to say where things will wind up, but it looks like they’re going with Punk vs. Bryan III or IV or whatever they’re at. That’s cool with me as their previous matches have been awesome.

Alberto comes in to see Vickie and has Ricardo present her with roses. Del Rio says he’s #1 contender but Ziggler comes in and says he’s #1 contender. Vickie makes a match between them and it’s a contract on a pole for the title shot on Smackdown. Ziggler breaks the vase and flowers.

Brodus Clay vs. Big Show

Brodus jumps Show to start and hits the headbutt to the chest, but Show goes after the bad knee to take over. The knee gets wrapped around the post and there’s a Vader Bomb. Brodus fights back but Show falls on his slam attempt, giving Big Show the first win over Brodus at 2:35. I tell you, this Big Show kid is going places you hear?

Video on Cena’s 300^th wish being granted.

Another Raw moment is Bob Barker on Raw.

During the break Big Show knocked Brodus out. Brodus is going to be gone for awhile I’d bet.

We get the HHH challenge to Brock from the PPV as well as the reaction from Heyman from last week. Brock will answer HHH next week.

AJ hits on Kane some more. Kane says she makes him feel things. That’s not good either because he isn’t boyfriend material. He thinks she’s crazy and says they need to stay away from each other. AJ laughs and cries at the same time.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

This is the first defense on Raw for Santino since April 16. Swagger runs away from the Cobra and slams Santino down for two. A legdrop sets up an armbar but Santino gets fired up again. Santino comes back with the usual and loads up the Cobra. Swagger picks him up but gets caught in a DDT. The Cobra retains at 2:39.

Cena finds a Johnny Ace shirt in a donation bin but Ryder throws it in the trash.

Here’s Cena for his major announcement. For the past month the company has been turned upside down to the point where it’s been like a bad Star Wars movie. Cena talks about the last month in Star Wars terms, such as Darth Show, Han Soul-Bro, the R2-A-RI and Cena Skywalker. That wasn’t bad. Apparently winning the match was easier than bullseyeing womp rats back in Beggar’s Canyon.

He goes to make the announcement….and here’s Jericho. We see Fozzy performing in Europe which is the explanation for his absence. Jericho says get on with your announcement because tonight is Jericho’s night. Cena says Jericho is back and makes the announcement that he’ll be in the MITB ladder match for the Raw World Title. He’s doing it so that Show won’t win the title. Cena says he’ll win the whole fudging thing, resulting in an argument over the show being PG.

Jericho doesn’t like the idea of Cena thinking he can walk into MITB and win in the first try. Jericho invented the match and has been in three of them, with Cena pointing out that he’s never actually won one. If Cena is looking for fun, go in a Bouncy House. Jericho enters as well, and here’s Vickie. She says there are two MITB matches and no one can place themselves in them. I guess Big Show gets grandfathered in?

Jericho cuts her off and Vickie freaks out. Only former WWE Champions will be in the Raw World Title match: Jericho, Kane, Big Show and Cena. Thank goodness as four people in there is WAY better and easier to work with. She makes Jericho vs. Cena for the main event.

Heath Slater vs. Psycho Sid

Sid slaps him down to start and slaps him off the top rope. A BAD looking spinebuster puts Slater down so Heath works on the knee a bit. Sid shrugs that off and hits a legdrop followed by the powerbomb for the pin at 1:29. Sid is no Vader.

Someone will be tweeting about Raw during the 1000th episode and they’re a celebrity. WWE.com says it’s….Charlie Sheen?

Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Contract on a pole, winner gets Sheamus on Smackdown. Del Rio pulls him down off the pole to start and Ziggler does the same to him. Del Rio climbs the corner but Ziggler climbs Del Rio, only to get caught in a Samoan Drop from the middle rope. They both go up again and the contract winds up on the mat. You have to control the contract and it becomes a game of who can get possession of it first. Both guys and the contract is down and Ricardo goes for it, only to have Ziggler kick it to the floor.

They tumble to the other side of the ring and here’s Sheamus to say it’ll be a triple threat match for the title. So the match is just kind of thrown out I guess, meaning no rating as I have no idea when it ended, but Sheamus came out after maybe 3:30 or so.

Punk vs. Bryan for the title is official for MITB.

AJ comes up to see Punk (AJ: “Guess who?” Punk: “King Kong Bundy?”) and suggests they go out after the show. Punk wants to have a talk with her but AJ misinterprets his meaning.

Another Raw Moment: This Is Your Life Rock.

Divas Battle Royal

They’re all in bikinis and Vickie enters it as well. You can go through the ropes to be eliminated here. It says a lot that I have no idea who half of these girls are. Everyone goes after Vickie to start and it’s a big brawl. Someone goes out and the announcers don’t bother to say who it is. Aksana is out and it’s your usual mess. Alicia and Kaitlyn are out as is Rosa. Beth puts out Tamina and accidentally knocks out Natalya. Layla puts out Beth so we have AJ, Layla and Vickie. AJ knocks out Layla with some help from Beth and Vickie tries to throw out La Psycho. AJ goes off and eliminates her to win at 2:13. This was AWFUL.

AJ does Bryan’s YES chant post match.

Smackdown is live next Tuesday and it’s the Great American Bash.

Chris Jericho vs. John Cena

Jericho bails from an AA attempt as we take a break. Back with Cena fighting out of a chinlock but getting dropkicked down for two. Cena hits a suplex to put Jericho down but he lowers his head for a boot to the face. Off to a chinlock but Cena escapes and this the spinning mat slam. Walls and AA are countered into the ProtoBomb and the Shuffle….but here’s Big Show. AA is countered into the Walls but Show drops the leg on Cena for the DQ at 8:18.

Rating: D+. You know, if Jericho had actually beaten Cena more than once in ten years (it’ll be ten years since he beat him one on one a week from today), I might actually buy him as a threat here. That isn’t the case though, so I didn’t particularly care about this match at all. Big Show running in helped a bit but the match was just there to fill in five minutes of TV time.

Overall Rating: C. The more I watch WWE TV lately, the more it becomes clear that they have NO idea where they’re going with AJ’s story. It’s entertaining so far, but man they’re starting to go in circles with it. The show wasn’t boring tonight but there were some very bad parts, such as the pole match being thrown out because Sheamus was apparently told it was a tie. Vickie is good at what she does and is still beyond annoying, but I wouldn’t want her around every week as GM. Decent show but with some BIG holes this week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 18, 2012
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Star: Cyndi Lauper

It’s the first show after No Way Out and Ace has been fired. Naturally he’s here tonight to say goodbye or whatever. Is anyone really surprised that someone is here the night after he got fired? Other than that we’re probably going to start the build towards MITB which is in four weeks. Punk is still champion so he needs a new challenger. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Foley to open the show. He got a call last night from the Board of Directors regarding the new permanent GM. Since he’s a former Commissioner, he was asked to host both Raw and Smackdown this week. Therefore tonight, it’s Kane/Daniel Bryan (HUGE Yes chant) vs. Punk/Sheamus. There’s something he has to do that isn’t so pleasing though, which is bring out Johnny Ace for his farewell address.

Ace is in a sling and a neckbrace while walking with a cane. Foley of course hugs him, making Ace cringe. The fans boo a lot and Ace keeps asking the fans to keep it down. Foley requests the same but also says Ace whispered that Long Island sucks. Ace says that before he was fired last night, he made the main event of Cena vs. Big Show, Otunga, and himself.

Sheamus/CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan/Kane

Sheamus and Bryan start and Danny Boy sends him to the apron. Sheamus comes back with the slingshot shoulder and a powerslam for two. Tag to Punk with a slingshot hilo for two. Off to Kane who kicks the champion in the face for two. That would be the shorter champion in case you’re confused for some reason. Punk hits forearms to both guys but Kane stops him cold again.

Punk ducks a clothesline and hits the suicide dive onto Bryan. This is a fast paced match so far. The springboard clothesline hits uppercut though and we take a break. Back with Punk fighting out of a chinlock with a failed GTS attempt. The chokeslam is countered by a high kick and both guys are down. Sheamus comes in with the top rope shoulder block. Bryan isn’t on the apron for some reason.

Powerslam gets two for Sheamus and there’s the Irish Curse. Bryan comes in sans tag but gets caught by six forearms to the chest due to Kane making the save. Regal Roll is countered and Kane shoves Sheamus to the floor. Bryan hits a running dropkick on the floor and takes over back inside. Some kicks to the chest get two and it’s back to Kane. Side slam gets two as does the top rope clothesline.

Back to Danny Boy who fires off more kicks but misses a running dropkick in the corner. Off to Punk who fires off with his usual stuff on Bryan. The neckbreaker is countered but Bryan’s kick misses. Powerslam sets up the running knee into the bulldog out of the corner. The Macho Elbow is countered and Bryan hits a superplex to put both guys down. And here’s AJ in Kane colors and a Kane match. The song being called Let’s Light It Up seems somewhat appropriate now. She skips around the ring and leaves with Kane following here. This allows a GTS into a Brogue Kick combination get the pin on Bryan at 14:29.

Rating: B-. Pretty decent main event style tag match here and AJ continues to be awesome. When a girl can look good in a mask, it says a lot. I would think this sets up Punk vs. Bryan again, but the ending wouldn’t really suggest that. Anyway, this was pretty solid and made for a good main event style tag match.

Ziggler and Swagger are arguing in the back when Vickie finally shoves them apart. She says that right now they’re going to have a match and the winner full attention.

Ace, Otunga and Show are in the back. Ace talks about how Show is going to know Cena out so Ace can pin him. He says it’s going to be funny when the fans get a great moment as their final Ace moment. Show says he doesn’t find anything funny.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger

BIG face pop for Ziggler here in Smark Land. They trade takedowns to start and show off afterwords. Ziggler gets thrown off and may have hurt his knee. Swagger goes after it with a leg lock and shouts that he’s better than Ziggler. There’s the ankle lock and Ziggler is pulled back to the middle of the ring. Swagger CRANKS on that thing but gets rolled off into the corner. Zig Zag gets the pin at 4:10. That was the only big move Ziggler hit all match.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but it was more or less a squash with a surprise ending. Ziggler is just dying for a face turn here as he has nothing left to do with Vickie but the same could be said about Swagger. Either way Vickie leaving one of them would be a good thing, but I think Ziggler would have the bigger impact.

Vickie kisses Ziggler post match.

We get HHH challenging Brock from last night.

Lawler’s favorite Raw moment is Vince in the hospital in 1998. Mr. Socko debuted and Austin hit him with a bedpan. The anal violation is missing.

Here’s Heyman to answer for Lesnar: No. As he leaves, here’s HHH. “You know, I don’t think we’re in a bingo hall here.” HHH says he wants to only talk to Brock Lesnar and Brock Lesnar will face him at Summerslam. Lesnar wants things to be about him, so Lesnar will be the star of Summerslam and we get a promotional poster with Lesnar on it. Heyman says Lesnar has no ego and even HHH laughs at that. HHH knows Lesnar will fight because there’s no way Brock will go down in history as the guy afraid of HHH.

Heyman tells HHH to stop pretending to be a fighter he used to be. Go back home to your wife and kids and be the King of Kings, because around here you’re not the king of anything. Paul tries to goad HHH into hitting him, even saying that HHH is becoming like Vince more and more every day.

Heyman says go ahead and hit me because them he and Lesnar will own this place, and there won’t be anything in it for HHH. There will however be something for Stephanie, and that snaps the Game. He doesn’t hit Heyman but he chokes him. Heyman says he’s HHH’s match because he’s smarter and knows everything HHH will do. And there’s a right hand for Paulie. HHH leaves as referees help Paul up.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella

Non-title of course. Also since it’s the US Champion, this is a total squash with Santino tapping to the cross armbreaker in 1:25. Ricardo gets in a shot on the arm post match.

Video on Cyndi Lauper in the WWF in the 80s. Basically she was the catalyst for Hogan vs. Piper which spawned Wrestlemania.

Here’s Layla to introduce Lauper as part of the 1000th episode of Raw celebration. You know, a show Lauper has NEVER BEEN ON. Wendi Richter is here too. Lauper is BOMBED. Even Cole says we’re sorry for this after she says about two words. Richter says nothing of note. THANKFULLY Heath Slater comes out to brag about not needing a band. He’s going to debut his single here tonight and it’s him badly singing his theme song. Lauper makes fun of him and here’s Piper for the rescue.

He calls all four of them Miss and Slater says that Piper didn’t like Lauper back in the day. Piper takes off his jacket. He says he loves Lauper and gives her a gold record to replace the one he broke over Lou Albano’s head back in the day. Slater is still here for some reason. He says it’s time for him to sing and Lauper breaks the record over his head. Cole says this is one of the worst segments in Raw history. That would be correct.

Primo/Epico vs. Prime Time Players

AW introduces his new team, which is the Prime Time Players if you didn’t watch the PPV last night. Epico and Titus get things going and the power controls to start. Off to Young who Titus suplexes onto Epico for two. After a quick chinlock by Young it’s off to Primo as things speed up. Everything breaks down and Young’s gutbuster is countered. Backstabber to Young but Titus pulls him to the floor. The Colons hit steres dropkicks through the ropes but the Players leave before the double dives can hit. It’s a countout loss at 2:56. Ok then.

Jericho is back next week.

Here’s Ace to talk about how all of the fans are losers now because they don’t have People Power. Post break Teddy is here to rip up his name tag. Big Show says that there’s no need for him to be here because he knows he can beat Cena and that he doesn’t have to answer to Ace anymore. Otunga and Ace are on their own.

John Cena vs. John Laurinitis/David Otunga

Otunga starts and is slammed and bulldogged very fast. Ace walks away from a tag of course and after more of a beating, Cena FINALLY misses a charge and gets sent into the steps. Ace comes in and throws off the sling and brace and stomps away a lot. Now Otunga won’t tag in and walks out. Cena is back up, hits three AA’s and the STF for the tap at 6:21. I’m not even going to bother to rate this but it was nothing at all other than a way to write Ace off TV for at least a week.

Overall Rating: C-. This was more or less a throwaway show without anything really going down tonight. HHH punching Heyman is probably the biggest thing tonight and that’s really not saying much. The show wasn’t horrible but it was one that you could easily pass on without having to watch at all. Ace will be back I’m sure. Foley didn’t really do anything at all as the host either, but maybe that’s what Smackdown is for. Weak show this time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 11, 2012
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final Raw before No Way Out and it’s a three hour special. The main draw tonight is that Vince is here to give Ace another performance evaluation. Also we may find out what’s going on with Del Rio, who may have a legit concussion and may be out of the title match on Sunday. We might even get some more contact between Cena and Big Show tonight if we’re unlucky. Let’s get to it.

Theme song opens us up.

Here’s Ace for the performance evaluation. Vince comes out and asks why he shouldn’t be fired. Ace says people power, and that we’re approaching the 100^th episode of Raw. Yes, 100^th. Vince asks the fans if they love people power, which of course gets booed loudly. He asks Ace about Lesnar and the big bonus to Big Show, the latter of which hasn’t performed well since 1999.

Ace reminds Vince about having his head shoved into Big Show against DX. Ace says that this is the new Big Show which will be proven on Sunday in the cage. Vince makes fun of Ace’s voice but gets cut off by Sheamus of all people. Vince introduces Sheamus to Ace which made me chuckle for some reason. Sheamus says he’s been listening to this and that he agrees with Ace. Ace really is the friend that he says he is.

He’s the kind of a guy that’ll fine you half a million dollars just because he can, or carry a grudge against you for bumping into him on the way to the ring. Vince stops to point out that Fire Johnny is the #1 trend worldwide. Sheamus calls Ace the worst GM ever and Vince should fire him. Ace says that he’s going to go find an opponent for Sheamus and Vince says it better be good or he’s fired. Vince rides away on Ace’s scooter because he’s Vince McMahon. Then he shoves it off the stage and does his walk to the back.

Back from a break and it’s officially confirmed that Del Rio is out of Sunday due to a concussion.

Sheamus vs. Tensai

They trade power moves to start and Sheamus pounds him into the corner. Tensai charges into a boot and Sheamus takes out the knee. Back up and Tensai hammers him down with an elbow, but Sheamus comes back with a clothesline to send both guys to the floor as we take a break. Back with Tensai working over Sheamus in the corner before hitting a running splash. Vader Bomb gets two.

Sheamus is trickling a little blood out of his mouth. Either that or his hair is melting. I guess it fires him up as he comes back with some ax handles. Tensai knocks him to the apron and we get the ten forearms from the outside instead of the inside. The top rope shoulder is caught in the Baldo Bomb but it only gets two. Back up and the Brogue Kick ends this out of nowhere at 9:19.

Rating: C. This was a hard hitting match, but it’s pretty clear that Tensai isn’t going to be a top main event guy. All I can say to that is phew, as his times in this spit haven’t impressed me in the slightest. At the end of the day he’s just Albert with a new name and nothing really that impressive to him at all. The match was a good striking battle though.

Vince says that’s strike one to Ace. Vickie comes in and suggests either Ziggler or Swagger to face Sheamus or both in a triple threat match. Ace says he has a great idea but asks Teddy for his thoughts first. Teddy says there are four former world champions here, with Khali and Christian being the other two. He suggests a fourway elimination match with the winner facing Sheamus. Vince likes it too, so Ace tells teddy to go get coffee. Ace offers him a fist bump and Vince says he has small hands.

Back with Tensai destroying Sakomoto, which is a good thing as the guy never really did anything.

We hear from Seth Green about his time as guest host of Raw.

Truth says he feels fine after getting attacked by Big Show. Little Jimmy however was traumatized. Truth tells Jimmy to straighten up. On Sunday, Big Show is going to lose to Cena. And Truth is now unconscious from a right hand.

Ad for the 1000th episode, which says that DX will be there.

Santino Marella/Layla vs. Beth Phoenix/Ricardo Rodriguez

Ricardo wrestles in his tuxedo of course. The girls start but Ricardo tags himself in. Santino has to come in now so Beth tags herself back in, telling Ricardo to stay out. Layla beats up both villains and Ricardo goes to the floor. Santino comes after him with the Cobra but Ricardo runs away….right into the post. Beth kicks Layla in the knee and hits the Glam Slam for the pin at 2:57. Total comedy match.

Post match Ricardo celebrates but Santino rips his shirt off, revealing a Justin Bieber t-shirt.

Otunga sucks up to Vince who isn’t impressed. Kofi storms in and demands a match with Show tonight, which is ok. Ace makes it a cage match as a preview for No Way Out.

Here’s Bryan to talk about the triple threat match. He says that one of the three wrestlers in the match is unlike the other, and it’s clearly him. He’s different because he doesn’t have AJ to deal with on Sunday. Punk has tried to steal her after Bryan proved he was a better wrestler and Kane is fascinated by any girl that looks at him and doesn’t vomit. Bryan says AJ is still obsessed with him, because once you go Bryan, you never go back. He says he’ll win the title on Sunday, but here’s Punk.

Punk says that for someone who is over AJ, Bryan talks about her a lot. AJ and Punk have one thing in common and that’s Bryan. Outside of the ring, AJ is out of Bryan’s league, and inside the ring, Punk is way out of Bryan’s league. Punk likes crazy chicks, but he likes the WWE Title even more. On Sunday, it’s about the title and Punk will either beat the deranged out of his mind freak, or he’ll beat Kane. Either way he’s leaving with the title.

Bryan: “No, No, No.” Bryan says Punk has changed. He used to be the voice of the voiceless but now he panders to everyone. The people have no voice because they have nothing to say. They chant that Big Show is a sellout, but the real sellout is Punk. Punk: “So says the ‘superstar’ in the YES YES YES t-shirt.” Punk talks about his shoot a year ago and how many people have complimented him on it since. It’s not Punk that has changed, but rather the people that have changed.

Just like him, Bryan has broken through the glass ceiling, but since then he’s become an insecure self-obsessed goat faced moron. The fans of course chant goat face. On Sunday, Bryan is getting a wake up call when he gets put to sleep. Cue Kane who talks about all of the things he’s done on Raw, including setting fire to JR, electrocuting Shane’s testicles and tombstoning a priest. His pipe bombs are actual bombs, so he’ll win the title on Sunday.

This brings out AJ who says he could see it in Kane’s eyes that he has a heart. Punk: “You’ve gotta love crazy chicks.” AJ says that you never get over your first love, and then she smiles at Punk. Punk is the coolest guy she’s ever known in her life. Bryan wants to know the point of this, which AJ says is that the best man will win. Ace pops up on screen and makes Bryan/Kane vs. Punk/AJ.

Christian vs. Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger

Elimination rules and the winner gets Sheamus on Sunday. If Christian wins, Cody gets his title match at some later date. Khali chops everyone down to start and dominates, until the three blondes triple team him down. Christian hits a frog splash and they dog pile him for the pin and a break. Back with Christian getting double teamed for two. He backdrops Ziggler to the floor though and makes his comeback on Swagger.

Jack charges into an elbow in the corner and takes a jumping back version off the middle rope as well. Ziggler back in with a rollup on Christian for two, but Christian sends the team into each other. Killswitch is countered as is the corner sunset flip. The Vader Bomb hits feet and the corner sunset flip hits for two. Ankle lock goes on Christian but he makes the rope….which doesn’t count for some reason. Instead he sends Swagger into the post and hits the Killswitch but Ziggler steals the pin.

Vickie yells at him, allowing Christian to roll him up for two. Ziggler works over the knee and hooks a modified half crab. That gets escaped pretty quickly so Ziggler hooks the sleeper. That gets countered as well and Christian spears him down for two. Killswitch is countered into the Zig Zag which also gets two. Christian’s reverse DDT gets two and he goes up. Ziggler tries to run up the ropes but gets shoved down. Vickie’s distraction lets him get up though so Christian jumps down, reinjuring his ankle. Zig Zag gives Dolph the title shot at 12:20.

Rating: B-. This was pretty good with the final pairing being exceptionally solid stuff. Ziggler was definitely the best option, but gee, wouldn’t it be better if he hadn’t lost almost every match he’s had in the last few months? Still though, good stuff here with everyone doing their jobs well.

Vince is talking to Natalya who wants another Hart Family gathering on Raw. Vince says he’ll see them later but runs into Brodus’ chicks. The Funkadactyls beg Vince to let Brodus back on Raw but he says no. A dance party ensues. Ryder pops up with his jaw hanging open. Vince says WOO WOO WOO You Know It.

Ryback vs. Willard Fillmore/Rutherford Hayes

Ryback kills one of them and the other tries to run. Ryback kills him on the floor with a clothesline then throws him over the top rope and back in from the floor. Double Samoan Buster ends this in about 1:30.

Vince and Horny are watching Horny’s JR impression from Smackdown and Vince does a JR impression. Cena comes in (pop of the night) and they talk about their respective Wrestlemania failures. He wants Ace to be fired tonight and he won’t help Kofi. Cena leaves and Otunga comes in, talking about how Vince shouldn’t fire Ace. Vince: “No one likes someone that kisses another man’s behind. No offense.” The camera pans over to Regal who is sitting on the couch. Funny stuff.

Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show

Cage match. Show’s entrance is after a break and Brodus vs. Otunga is announced as the pre-show match on Sunday. Kofi charges at Show to start but he gets thrown down very quickly. The beating begins with Kofi being thrown into the cage time after time. After about five minutes of Show standing around, Kofi dives at the cage wall then jumps over Show to get some separation. Trouble In Paradise gets one and Kofi goes for the door. WMD kills Kofi and Show walks out at 7:24.

Rating: D+. I was tempted to not rate this as there was maybe a minute and a half of action in this. Show stood around A LOT in this and it got dull in a hurry. The problem here is that they made it clear what was going on in a hurry and there was no need to let it keep going. Nothing to see here but it did the job it was going for so points for that.

Sin Cara vs. Curt Hawkins

Hawkins’ tights are so bright green that even the lighting can’t cover them up. Cara sends him to the floor and hits a gorgeous corkscrew plancha. Hawkins trips him up and puts on a quick abdominal stretch which doesn’t last long. Cara comes back with the Tajiri elbow and then steps on Hawkins’ hands. He runs the ropes for the armdrag and the spinning mat slam gets the pin at 2:30.

There’s a clock counting down to Vince’s decision.

Bryan is getting ready in the back when Vince comes up. He says that there’s an expression of you can’t judge a book by its cover, and Bryan is the epitome of that. Bryan talks about how he was fired once before and had to prove his way back. Vince references the Mania loss in 18 seconds, which is faster than Vince has ever finished anything. What in the world was the point of this?

Ziggler’s favorite Raw moment was the first Raw.

Heath Slater vs. ???

The opponent is a former Raw main eventer that Ace has brought in. Slater wants to know why we’re talking about the past when he’s the current star. He says it’s Slater Time, so cue…..VADER TIME??? He looks WAY better than he did that time he was at Cyber Sunday. To be fair he looks like he ate half of the Rocky Mountains but it’s still an improvement. The fans go crazy for Vader and the pain begins. He destroys Slater but Heath gets in some shots. A slam attempt fails completely and the Vader Bomb ends this at 3:14. No point in rating it but it was fine all things considered.

AJ is panicking but Punk tells her it’s ok, just don’t do anything crazy. She kisses him on the cheek and his face says “why me?”.

Kane/Daniel Bryan vs. AJ/CM Punk

Punk tells AJ to stay on the apron while he does all the fighting. Kane starts and counters the bulldog with a big boot. Off to Bryan for some YES Kicks. After a quick chinlock Punk hits the powerslam to take him down. The Macho Elbow misses but Punk can’t tag out. Kane comes in and knocks Punk into the corner which constitutes a tag. AJ comes in….and skips around Kane. He turns to look at her so she jumps into his arms and kisses him. After that, Kane walks away and it’s off to Bryan. Punk kicks him down and the Macho Elbow gets the pin at 4:58.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t the point here of course but rather the storyline development. I’m really curious as to what the conclusion of this is going to be which is the whole point of the story, which means it’s a success. I have no idea who is going to win on Sunday or what is going on, and I really like that feeling.

Post match AJ sits in the middle of the ring like Punk.

Here’s Vince with security guards for the decision on Ace. He sucks up to Connecticut before saying that since a life began here in Hartford (Stephanie) it’s appropriate that another ends here. Ace comes out and says he doesn’t appreciate what happened to his scooter. The security isn’t necessary because he would never attack Vince. Vince says the security is for Ace, because someone is going to be walked out of the business. Ace talks about the stuff he’s done for Raw and how the company needs him for the move to three hours.

He talks about People Power which Vince says are his signature two words. Vince has his own signature two words….and here’s Big Show. Show says that he can do anything he wants because he has an iron clad contract. Yeah he can be fired but then Vince would have to pay him millions of dollars for years, which Vince would never be able to do. Show says that’s not Ace’s fault, but rather Vince’s for everything he’s had to do for the past 14 years. Show has done everything Vince has asked for but now he can be what he really wants: a giant.

Instead of being worried about Ace, Vince needs to be worried about John Cena, because Show is going to destroy the golden goose. At No Way Out the feathers are going to get plucked and here’s Cena. Cena says he’s here on official business to get to the bottom of all this. What’s left to get to the bottom of? Show has blamed Cena, the fans and Vince. Who is blamed next? McDonalds for their chicken nuggets? The only person to blame is Ace who backed up the truck full of money to Big Show, causing nothing but whining from Big Show.

Ace has said that Show can now be a giant but Cena says Show has always been one. On Sunday, the match looks so one sided that there’s no challenge for Big Show. But what happens if he loses? If Show doesn’t win, there’s no excuse left. If Show loses, he’s no longer the World’s Largest Athlete, but rather the World’s Largest Disappointment. He’ll have to show up every week and hear the people call him a sellout.

Vince says he’ll be at ringside on Sunday, sitting next to Ace. If Show loses, Ace is fired. Show grabs Cena by the throat but security pulls them apart. Cena breaks free and pounds away but Show covers up. Show swings and misses Vince by about four inches but Vince goes down anyway. It did graze the top of Vince’s head so it doesn’t look completely awful, but it’s still bad. Show leaves to end things.

Overall Rating: B+. I had a really good time with this show tonight. First and foremost, the matches for Sunday were actually given development, especially the Raw Title match. Sheamus has a new opponent who fits perfectly for his match and will likely give him a much better match. Show vs. Cena was already set and Cena can turn it on at the drop of a hat so him just having a cameo was fine. The Vince/Ace stuff tied the whole show together and it worked very well. This is what you call EFFORT and it pays off.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 9, 2006
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

This show can be summed up in three words: Live Sex Celebration. Edge shocked the world last night by cashing in the first Money in the Bank Briefcase to win the world title from Cena after Cena retained in the Elimination Chamber. Tonight, Edge and Lita are going to celebrate by having live sex on Raw, which is more or less the biggest nightmare that Linda McMahon wants to keep in her political closet. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the show last night. I remember talking to a huge Cena fan who I went to school with and freaking her out the next day by telling her what happened. This recap goes on for like five minutes too.

Here’s Cena to open the show. He’s still mostly a rapper here so he talks about how life is full of choices. Last night Edge had a choice to make and he won the WWE Championship because of it. Tonight the fans are making choices, including those that have made the choice that he sucks. He’ll stand with all the people that love him and for the people that hate him, they can kiss it. Tonight, he’s cashing in his rematch clause and he wants Edge right now.

Cue Lita who was in her VERY hot period. She says Cena doesn’t get his rematch tonight because of “oral persuasion” she gave to Vince, so the rematch is at the Rumble. Apparently the only wrestling Edge will be doing tonight is with her, in the ring tonight. It’s going to be a threesome with the two of them plus the title. See, Edge actually knows what to do in bed. Cena says he’ll see Edge at the Rumble.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

Trish is defending but Mickie psycho at this point, so she demands that the fans cheer louder for Trish. Wait Ashley is challenging. So why is Mickie there at all?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ashley Massaro

Trish is still defending. Ashley grabs a headlock to start and grabs a quick headscissors. It’s clear that she’s not ready to be in the ring for an extended period of time yet but she’s getting the basics down I guess. Ashley hits a kind of bulldog for two but it causes Mickie to snap and come in for the DQ. Psycho Mickie was awesome. Lillian screws up and announces Trish as the winner.

RVD will return in the Royal Rumble. He had been out for most of a year.

Cena is getting ready in the back when Vince comes in. Vince talks about great those first time things are, such as the first time Edge won the title last night and the first time for Edge vs. Cena at the Rumble. Then he talks about the Live Sex Celebration which isn’t his idea either. Cena seems to like the idea, but Vince says if Cena interferes he loses his rematch. Before he leaves, Cena says there’s some evidence of Lita’s “oral persuasion” on his pants. Cena wasn’t quite ready to talk to Vince at this point.

Carlito is getting taped up for his match later when Masters, his partner, comes in and grabs him by the shirt. Masters yells about the loss last night and blames Carlito for it, as Carlito screwed Masters over while he had Cena in the Masterlock. That really was pretty stupid of him when you think about it. They have a tag match later.

Rob Conway vs. Chavo Guerrero

Royal Rumble qualifying match. Conway runs him down to start and poses ala Chavo. Chavo comes back with right hands in the corner as I have to question who thought this match was a good idea. I get that Chavo was getting a push recently because Eddie died but do we need to see him qualify against Rob freaking Conway? Chavo tries to skin the cat but gets kneed to the floor.

Conway works on the back on the floor and Chavo is in some trouble. Back in and it’s off to a chinlock with a knee in the back. An Eddie chant brings Chavo back and he kicks Rob to the floor, followed by a pescado to take him out. Chavo pounds away and dropkicks him down for two. Conway rolls through a spinning cross body out of the corner for two as the announcers discuss the live sex celebration. Rob mocks Eddie’s chest slap to really make him hated but his suplex is countered into Three Amigos and the Frog Splash gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was in essence a squash match that took awhile. Did we really need to see Chavo Guerrero qualify for the Rumble? This was one of the downsides to Eddie’s death: Chavo getting pushed because of it. Chavo is a talented guy but at the end of the day, there’s nothing of note to him. The match was pretty weak here too. Oh and in case you were wondering, Chavo would last 59 seconds in the Rumble.

The Wrestlemania Big Time Moment is Edge winning MITB. Seems appropriate for tonight.

Shawn is in the back when Angle comes in. Kurt is mad at Shawn for superkicking him out of the Chamber last night. Shawn says he did it because Angle busted him open. They’re a team tonight so they need to forget about last night. Apparently a match against Carlito/Masters is bigger than a world title match in the main event of a PPV. Ok then Shawn. Shawn wants to know if he can trust Angle. Angle shows off his medals and asks if he can trust Shawn. Kurt mentions something about a zero tolerance policy.

Shelton and Mama Benjamin are here with Mama running into Val Venis. She recognizes him from some of his movies but can’t place him. He lists some titles and is told where he’s going when he dies. This was one of those questionable choices they made around this time, as Mama Benjamin is a comedian in a fat suit.

Chris Masters/Carlito vs. Shawn Michaels/Kurt Angle

Shawn and Angle argue over who starts the match so the other team jumps them. Angle sends Masters to the floor so it’s Shawn vs. Carlito to get us going. Carlito gets taken to the mat via a headlock and things settle down a bit. Shawn pulls the hair which is a bit more evil than it usually would be due to the massive afro that Carlito has. Off to Angle who gets a big response here in Pennsylvania. He hooks a headlock of his own as Daivari (Angle’s manager) yells a lot.

Carlito finally hits a suplex but Angle runs him over with a clothesline for two. Shawn comes in and gets a good reaction in his own right. It’s quickly back to Kurt who takes Masters down with a headlock. That’s a popular move tonight isn’t it? Masters fights up and hits a powerslam but the Masterlock is countered into a release German. Angle misses a charge into the post and Carlito knocks Shawn to the floor as well.

We take a break and come back with Carlito stomping on Angle in the corner. Angle finally snaps off an overhead suplex to get himself a breather and it’s a double tag to bring in Masters vs. Shawn. Shawn slams him down and hits the top rope elbow for no cover. He loads up Chin Music but Carlito makes the save. Carlito comes in legally now and hooks a chinlock. Shawn is bleeding a bit over the eye.

The Backstabber stops a Shawn comeback but Shawn hits a backdrop out of nowhere. Angle walks away from the tag though and Shawn is in trouble again. Shawn breaks the Masterlock before it goes on and DDTs Masters down. Angle walks away from another tag attempt to check on the shine on his medals. Shawn superkicks Kurt down which counts as a tag apparently. Masters throws on the Masterlock which gets the win via knockout. Daivari gets a superkick too.

Rating: C. This was the main event style tag match but it was more about furthering Shawn vs. Angle which is more than fine with me. This would continue an incredible series between the two which saw them stealing almost every show they were on. Carlito and Masters would self-destruct soon after this without many people caring. Carlito had a ton of potential but it never really went anywhere.

Vince comes up to Shawn in the back and says that was the real Shawn. He makes Shawn vs. Kurt for next week to end their feud once and for all.

We get some stills from last night where HHH used a sledgehammer to beat Big Show.

HHH says it’s funny that Cena lost the title to someone that meant nothing a week ago. That was a big change, but the one constant around here is him. He warned Big Show that he would get hurt if he came after HHH and that’s what happened. Now it’s time to go to the Rumble and then to Wrestlemania.

Vince’s Devils (Torrie, Candice and Victoria) are in a bed in the back. Ok then.

Last night after the win, Edge and Lita said they would have sex on TV tonight.

Clip of Stacy Keibler on Dancing with the Stars.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Val Venis

Another Rumble qualifying match. Val takes over to start but Shelton hides behind his Mama. Back in and Shelton works over the back to take over. Off to a chinlock which Val fights out of pretty quickly. Mama shouts that Shelton better win here. Val comes back with a half nelson slam and small package for two each. A spinebuster looks to set up the Money Shot but Shelton rolls away and grabs an Oklahoma Roll for two. Val gets a cradle out of the corner for two as Mama keeps shouting. She stabs Val in the tights with something, allowing Shelton to hit the Exploder for the pin.

Rating: D. This was a comedy match that forgot to be funny. It was a common thing both then and now to see the company trying to be funny and probably amusing themselves, but for the masses, this comes off as really stupid and unfunny. Hey look, a stereotypical fat black woman yells a lot and gets a win for her son. This totally makes me want to watch more of the show right?

Royal Rumble ad, with the theme of Ancient Rome with Vince as Caesar. This guy’s sexual fantasies would scare me to death.

Kane vs. Snitsky

Rumble qualifier, Snitsky assault, Kane no sells, chokeslam, pin, less than a minute.

Kane says that’s the first casualty on his way to Mania. There will be 29 others at the Rumble, which isn’t the error that I thought it was.

Edge arrives and is met by Lita.

Here are Edge and Lita for the Live Sex Celebration. Edge says that the champ is here and that no one saw it coming. He outsmarted everyone and cashed in when no one expected it. To be fair that’s true, as this wasn’t a total cliché like it’s become now. Edge says that in this industry, you don’t have to be the biggest or the toughest, but you do have to be the smartest. He was patient, just like he was with Lita. He took everything he wanted and last night he did that again.

We get a highlight reel of Edge’s past set to Right Here by Staind. It’s actually a decent recap of his career. That brings us to last night but they didn’t have sex. Edge wants to do it right here live on Raw. We get the special music and they take each others’ boots off. Lita’s top comes off as does Edge’s. The skirt and pants come off next so they’re in their underwear. Edge throws her down in front of him so she’s bent over and there goes her bra. They go under the covers and we get a full on shot of Lita’s breast. Edge takes her underwear off and Lita seems to go down a bit.

And here’s Ric Flair because who wants to see Lita right? He calls Edge a disgrace to the title and says he’s dead in the bed. Flair dances down the aisle as Edge puts his pants back on. Flair chops him to the floor but gets his head cracked with a chair. Say it with me: Flair is busted open. Edge loads up the announce table and puts the chair on it before going to get another one. There’s a Conchairto for Flair and Cena finally runs through the crowd to make the save. Edge runs off so Cena goes and looks under the covers at Lita. Smart man that Cena. Lita takes an FU to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Ok the wrestling here pretty much sucked, but this was ALL about Edge vs. Cena. If I remember right, and I could be wrong, this show did one of the highest ratings in years, which is to say that Edge was a popular choice as champion. The Live Sex Celebration may be the second pinnacle of his time in WWE, which is saying a lot all things considered. This was a big moment, but unfortunately Cena got the title back just three weeks later, as they didn’t trust Edge at Mania yet. Still though, this is more about a memory than a great show, which is ok.

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