Monday Night Raw
Date: August 27, 2001
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Attendance: 9,972
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

Back to 2001 now with us getting closer to Unforgiven. The main feud is still Angle vs. Austin with some Booker vs. Rock thrown in on the side. I barely remember the last one of these that I did which is probably because I haven’t done one in about a month. I remember them being just ok for the most part though which isn’t a good sign. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Austin cheating to beat Jericho to keep the title on Thursday.

Rock defends against Rhyno tonight.

Here’s Shane to open things up. He talks about buying WCW about five months ago and doing it to own the most dominant brand in sports entertainment. The fans don’t really buy that but whatever. One of the things that came with WCW was its champion, Booker T. He was a champion you could be proud of, unlike the current WCW Champion The Rock. It’s all about the money and Rock as champion doesn’t make the money for WCW, because Rock has nothing to do with its history. Therefore, the next champion will be….Rhyno. Come on Shane you’re smarter than that.

Cue Rock who says he knows the history of the WCW Title and how it traces back to Frank Gotch (it doesn’t), Lou Thesz (kind of), Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair. Rock also knows what the title has come to: Diamond Dallas Page, Booker T, the guy from Scream 2, the maid from the Jeffersons and so on. It’s like Stephanie: everyone gets a turn. Now though the title means something and the Rock will be the most electrifying WCW Champion of all time.

Rock knows he’ll be defending against Rhyno later tonight, but how about right now he comes down there and gives Shane a shot right now? Shane does the Just Bring It hand sign so here comes Rocky. Naturally it’s a trap as Rhyno comes in and Gores Rock to get an advantage later tonight.

Austin has a bad arm which Debra is trying to tend to. As he yells at her, RVD and Raven come in. They have a Hardcore Title match later and since it’s Alliance vs. Alliance they want Austin’s blessing. Instead Austin puts them in the main event instead of him and a mystery partner against Jericho/Angle.

Undertaker vs. Albert

They slug it out and Taker reverses an Irish whip to take over. Old School hits and he does his still bad cross armbreaker. Taker has to stop to chase X-Pac around like it’s 1999 and walks into a shot with the Cruiserweight Title. That gets X-Pac an evil glare so Albert jumps Taker but can’t hit whatever the chokebomb was called at this point. Oh it’s the BaldoBomb. Thanks Paul. Anyway it’s countered into the chokeslam for the pin by Taker.

Rating: D. Taker was in a bad BAD funk at this point and by funk I mean he sucked for about three years. He wouldn’t sell ANYTHING for anyone other than a giant, which is why Kronik was brought in for one of the worst matches in recorded history. This match did nothing for Albert, but that might be for the best.

Shane Helms talks about superheroes before his match with Matt. Ok then.

European Title: Hurricane vs. Matt Hardy

This is the debut of the Hurricane superhero character but he has hip hop music still. Matt looks shocked but he clotheslines Hurricane down quickly. Superkick by Helms sets up a top rope cross body for two. There’s a Russian legsweep by Matt and Hurricane is in trouble. The middle rope leg gets two. A cross body misses for Matt and here’s Ivory to hit Lita in the knee with a pipe. She hits Matt as well, allowing Hurricane to hit the Eye of the Hurricane to steal the pin and the title. This was really quick.

Angle ignores Michael Cole so Cole follows him anyway. Angle finds Raven and gives him a big old beating, putting him in an ankle lock before screaming that RVD needs a new partner.

After a break, here’s the EXACT SAME SEGMENT IN FULL. Good grief.

Lita gets her knee looked at when Raven comes in to get attention as well. The trainer says Raven can’t wrestle so Shawn Stasiak pops in to offer his services to take his place. Austin calls him selfish but gives him the shot anyway. Stasiak leaves so Austin yells at Raven for making him go out there tonight. Austin hits him in the ankle because he’s that kind of guy. I guess Matt and Lita were just watching in the back.

Edge is having a soda when Hugh Morrus comes in to make fun of his fake name. Edge points out how stupid that is and thinks his name should he Hugh Suck. Christian comes in and somehow gets Hugh an IC Title match tonight.

We get a clip of whatever Smackdown Test joined the Alliance on and cost the APA the tag titles.

Test vs. Bradshaw

Brawl to start of course and Bradshaw takes over, hitting a DDT. Shane is at ringside and offers a distraction to let Test take over. Full nelson slam puts Bradshaw down and Test pounds away. Bradshaw tries the Clothesline but Test hits a sidewalk slam to put him right back down. The flying elbow misses and Bradshaw powerslams him for two.

Test tries a cross body into the corner so that Bradshaw can hit the fallaway slam to put him back down. Shane gets up on the apron but Bradshaw sends Test into him for two. Farrooq chases Shane but gets taken down by Test. Bradshaw chases him back in and walks into the big boot for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a MUCH better match than you would have expected. It’s a good example of a match where two power guys didn’t try to be anything more than two power guys, which usually results in an ok match. The interference was a bit overdone but it’s 2001 WWF after all so what else was to be expected? Good match and I was rather surprised by it.

Austin is yelling about Angle attacking Raven when RVD comes in. He thinks Austin did it so that he could team with RVD which would be perfect. RVD says he’ll carry the whole match. Debra likes the idea but Austin doesn’t think so. He’ll get back to RVD on that.

Stasiak is stalking Angle and gets Stacy to help him.

WCW World Title: The Rock vs. Rhyno

They start in the aisle and Rhyno Gores him almost immediately to hurt the ribs again. That gets a quick two in the ring as does a standing powerslam. Rock launches him over the top to give himself a breather. He can’t follow up though because of the ribs so Rhyno throws on a bearhug. This goes on for over a minute which is quite a bearhug. Rock finally punches out of it and hits a Samoan Drop to put both guys down.

A shoulder to the ribs puts Rock right back down as this has been one sided. Suplex gets two. Rock comes back with that belly to belly throw of his and both guys are down again. Back up and the jumping clothesline and DDT get two on Rhyno. A clothesline puts Rock down but he nips up and hits a spinebuster as Shane comes out. A low blow puts Rock down and here’s the APA to chase Shane off. Gore misses and the Rock Bottom retains the title.

Rating: C+. This was a very basic power man vs. injured ribs match and it worked quite well. This is something that is completely missing from Raw and Smackdown today: a main event guy against a midcarder with the champion having some trouble but nothing horrible. They had a pretty good match and you don’t waste anything big on it. Why is that so hard to grasp today?

Stasiak has put a bucket of rancid milk over the door to fall on Angle when he comes through the door. It’ll blind him and Stasiak will beat him up. And Debra comes in instead. COMEDY!

Austin blames Angle for what happened.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. Hugh Morrus

Christian sits in on commentary. Morrus takes him into the corner to start and splashes him to take over. Edge comes back with a drop toehold and a cradle for two. Jackknife cover gets two but Hugh grabs a powerslam for two. Elbow drop gets the same. Suplex puts Edge down and Morrus keeps telling Edge to say it. No idea what that means but Morrus never made a lot of sense. Top rope elbow misses and Edge comes back with clotheslines and a spinwheel kick. Edge-O-Matic gets two but Morrus flapjacks him down. He loads up the moonsault but Christian pops up and hits him for the DQ. Uh….ok?

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here at all. This wouldn’t lead anywhere for Morrus but I guess it furthers the Christian and Edge split, which wouldn’t happen for over another month. The match was nothing of note at all as Morrus was about as low on the Alliance pole as you could possibly be, which made the ending here pretty clear.

Booker is mad at Rock for stealing the title so here’s a clip of the midget from last week. We get a clip from earlier today with Show doing a Booker impression. To put it mildly, it’s REALLY bad.

Stephanie and Jericho run into each other in the back. She says Y2J is five minutes ago and it’s all about RVD now. Jericho says she should be saying H-O-E. This was stupid too.

Big Show vs. Booker T

Booker tries a quick spin kick which is caught and powerbombed with ease. Show throws him around and chops Booker in the corner but the Alley-Oop is countered. Booker superkicks him and hits the ax kick and here’s the Spinarooni. Show sets up the chokeslam but Booker distracts the referee and kicks Show low. That doesn’t do much and they go to the floor but Show’s knee goes into the steps and Booker hits him with a chair for the quick DQ. What was this supposed to accomplish? Getting Booker revenge? That’s fine but have him get a win and put him over Big Show, not this.

Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam/???

Austin comes out but not in wrestling gear. There’s a mystery partner and that partner is….Taz. Well that’s kind of a letdown. Angle stomps on RVD in the corner and they’re starting I think. RVD takes him down with a kick and it’s off to Taz. Angle cross bodies him down and here’s Jericho. The Alliance takes over but Jericho manages a Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) on RVD for two.

Rob gets in another kick (no, really) and goes up, but Jericho makes the stop and superplexes him for two. Taz comes in to hit his crossface shots to the face which he dedicates to Austin. Heyman compares Austin to John Wayne and says Austin is the better American, almost starting a war between New York and Oklahoma. Rob hooks a chinlock but Jericho escapes and rolls him up for two.

Rolling Thunder gets two and it’s back to Taz who almost allows the tag to Angle. Van Dam hits his spinning legdrop and it’s back to the chinlock for a few seconds. Sunset flip gets two for the Canadian but Rob kicks him down again. Split legged moonsault hits knees though and there’s the tag to Angle. The Alliance takes him down with relative ease and Van Dam hits the Frog Splash but Taz only gets two off of it. Jericho puts Van Dam in the Walls on the floor but Austin breaks it up. In the ring Angle escapes the Tazmission and the Angle Slam ends this.

Rating: C. This was a main event tag match to the letter. Not a great match or anything but for what it was this was fine. It helps to set up the Austin being a hunted man angle, especially with the post match stuff. It also furthers Taz having issues with the Alliance which didn’t go much of anywhere but it happened.

Austin beats up Angle post match and steals his medals. JR freaks out to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This didn’t work for me for the most part. There’s some good stuff in it, but it felt like the show was spinning its wheels for the majority of the time. I don’t know what this is supposed to do and Unforgiven hasn’t even been mentioned yet. The Alliance was about two and a half months away from dying but it seems like they’re on life support by this point. Weak show.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 5, 1998
Location: New Haven Coliseum, New Haven, Connecticut
Attendance: 7,607
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the first Raw after Summerslam and it’s on a Saturday. The Raw after this will be as well before we get back to the regular show on Monday the 14th, giving the fans in 98 two Raws in three days. Summerslam is over and Austin kept his title while HHH ended the DX vs. Nation war with a win in one of my all time favorite matches. We enter the build to the next few PPVs which culminates at Survivor Series. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Vince to open the show with a big smile on his face. He talks about how in a few weeks there’s going to be a breakdown and it’s going to be Steve Austin’s breakdown. And hey, the next PPV just happens to be called Breakdown. See how easy it is to do something like that? Vince says after Breakdown, Austin will no longer be champion. As for Undertaker, he got an insurance policy in Kane, then told Kane to go to the back. “Undertaker is a fool.”

Vince doesn’t like Kane and says the brothers should dominate this company. However the other Superstars are now snickering at the sight of Undertaker and Kane. He insults them a bit more and here come the monsters. Vince runs through the crowd but the two of them chase him down.

Ken Shamrock/Steve Blackman vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

There’s a Salvatore Bellomo 4 Life sign in the crowd. I’ve watched this stuff for a long time and I didn’t ever expect to see that one. Let’s say Skull starts with Shamrock but it’s off to Blackman quickly. Blackman kicks away (no seriously, he kicks a lot) and even adds in a shoulder block but here come Undertaker and Kane who clear the ring about a minute in.

Undertaker puts Blackman in a leg lock and then the monsters chase off DOA.

We recap the Vince speech that ticked off the monsters again. Lawler says it was to motivate Undertaker/Kane.

Clip of the Outlaws winning the titles back from Mankind in a handicap match, followed by Kane popping up and hitting Foley in the dumpster and wheeling him out in the dumpster.

Vader vs. Val Venis

Val’s speech is that he’s like a dog because he comes when he’s called. Dustin Runnels is in the crowd with signs saying “he is coming back.” Val pounds on Vader, Vader pounds on Val, Val pounds on Vader some more. Now for a change of pace, Vader pounds on Val some more. The entire first minute was nothing but punching and a cross body from Val. Belly to belly gets two for Vader. A middle rope splash gets the same. Bradshaw comes in for some reason to yell at Vader (doesn’t hit him) but here are Undertaker/Kane again for another match being thrown out. I sense a theme. Too short to rate but it was bad.

Rock and Henry say they’ll win the titles tonight. By that I mean Rock talks about beating DX and Henry says nothing.

Tag Titles: The Rock/Mark Henry vs. New Age Outlaws

Rock and Gunn trade headlocks to start and Billy hiplocks him down. The Outlaws work on Rock’s arm and it’s off to Road Dogg for an armbar and then a headlock. JR says Henry’s legs literally look like tree trunks. Actually they look like the legs of a muscular black man but then again I’m no professional. Leg drop gets two for Mark. Back to Rock who punches Dogg down in the corner.

People’s Elbow gets two as Billy has to save. The Nation double teams for a low blow on Roadie. Henry comes back in for a bearhug but his splash misses. Off to Billy for a lot of crotch chops and everything breaks down. Rock and Gunn go to the floor and Gunn goes into the post. And here’s Chyna for ANOTHER DQ.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here as the whole thing was based around punching until the Chyna run-in. This feud needed to end quickly as there was nothing left after Summerslam. The Nation would be split up soon, and I think Henry would become Sexual Chocolate soon enough, which I think tied into the Chyna deal.

Here are Tiger Ali Singh and Babu for the usual “Americans will do anything for money” schtick. This time it’s French kissing Babu who has bad breath. The chick looks good at least. Undertaker and Kane FINALLY come out to break this up.

Southern Justice vs. Headbangers

Canterbury puts Thrasher on the floor and Mosh puts Knight out there too. Power vs. speed here as things start to calm down. Canterbury slams Thrasher down for two and the heels take over. Elbow drop gets two. Off to Knight who drops his head between Thrasher’s legs to keep him down. Sunset flip gets two. Thrasher finally avoids a charge in the corner after more beating, and it’s off to Mosh. House is cleaned but he goes after one too many Godwinns so that the Slop Drop (Problem Solver) from Knight gets the pin.

Rating: D. Of all the matches we’ve had tonight, this one gets the clean finish? These teams weren’t interesting to anyone by this point but at least the Headbangers could have some potential. Southern Justice was big, lumbering and completely uninteresting. I don’t know why this match got a clean ending but it was a nice change of pace.

Taker and Kane, who have been looking for Vince all night, go up to the big door marked MR. MCMAHON and knock it open with a sledgehammer. No Vince inside though.

European Title: X-Pac vs. D’Lo Brown

We get a clip of Jeff Jarrett being forcibly shaved at Summerslam in the back. They trade control of the arm to start and Pac speeds things up. Brown shoulders him down and drops an elbow for two. Clothesline is ducked and Pac hits a spinwheel kick to take Brown’s head off. There’s the Bronco Buster but the second attempt hits boot. X-Factor out of nowhere hits and here’s Jarrett for our fourth DQ in five matches tonight. This is the debut of Jeff’s short hair.

Rating: D+. Not a bad match but I’m sick of these cheap endings. This would be Russo’s bad booking style as the whole point of the show is to give a sense of carnage and anarchy but it comes off as more annoying than anything else. We get it: you can end a match by something other than a pin. Now do something else.

Kane and Undertaker come down for the 600th time tonight but Rock comes out to protect D’Lo. Brown runs so Rock gets chokeslammed instead. JR: “He doesn’t look like that on the cover of the new Raw Magazine.” JR can plug like no other.

Edge vs. Marc Mero

This is the aftermath of Sable winning a match all by herself on Sunday while Edge was there too. Feeling out process to start and we talk about the Tom’s River, New Jersey Little League World Series champions. I had a friend who lived in that town when they won. That has no bearing on the match but it’s nothing that great. Lawler: “How did they win the World Series?” JR: “They scored more runs than their opponents.” Edge sends him to the floor and hits a SWEET dive….and here’s Gangrel for DQ #5 tonight.

Edge and Gangrel brawl while Undertaker and Kane come out to beat up Mero.

We get a sitdown interview with Al Snow and get some clips from ECW. Snow talks about being a star there and about how he can be a star here. JR: “You’re talking to a mannequin. Seriously.” Snow talks about how normal he is and how he does stuff like mowing the lawn and going to the grocery store. JR asks about the voices Snow hears which Snow says sound normal.

Now we get into a discussion about the existence of God. Now we get a quick retrospective of Snow’s past incarnations. Snow yelled at JR on Raw once but he says it was NOT a breakdown. He wants to talk to Vince but wouldn’t say anything to him. The voices want to talk to Vince. Ok then. Head starts talking but Snow says they’ll talk in the car. Part 2 is next week. This was bizarre but I couldn’t stop watching.

Undertaker and Kane are still walking around.

Oddities vs. Legion of Doom

This would be a six man tag with Droz in there too. The ICP plays the Oddities to the ring and Hawk comes out to dance with them because he’s “out of it.” Instead it’ll be Animal/Droz vs. all three Oddities The fans chant for the clowns and Hawk wants to dance with them some more. They won’t do it so Hawk beats them up. Droz and Golga start us off with Droz elbowing him down before Hawk steals the tag. Hawk drops the fist to Golga and then tags in Kurrgan. Everything breaks down and Silva powerbombs Hawk to end it. This was nothing.

Hawk dances some more post match.

Video of some legends saying they cheer for the new guys instead of how it used to be.

Undertaker and Kane break more stuff.

Too Much vs. Los Boricuas

I think that’s Miguel starting with Scotty. If I remember right this was back when the plan for Too Much was for them to be the Billy and Chuck of the Attitude Era. Miguel is sent to the floor and goes right back into a pumphandle suplex for two. Off to Christopher (not yet a Grandmaster) who plays Bret in a Hart Attack. Off to Jesus who gets beaten on as well. Lawler explains that he didn’t have Christopher at age 13 because he was just a prince back then.

JR goes on a small anti-internet rant which Lawler turns into a Bill Clinton sex joke. Taylor hits a low dropkick as JR tries to prove that Lawler is Brian’s dad. Are the Boricuas the faces here? It would appear that way as Scotty runs into Christopher and the faces (I think) take over. They hit a double powerbomb on Scotty but Christopher hits the top rope legdrop to the back of Miguel’s head and Scotty gets the pin.

Rating: D. Again, THIS is the match that gets a clean finish? Too Much was really boring because they tried using Memphis stuff on a national stage and that just doesn’t work. Los Boricuas literally never wrestled on Raw again after this so the match means even less. Too Much wouldn’t become Too Cool for almost a year so this was a pretty isolated appearance for them.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Scorpio

Main event time! Scorpio jumps him and the fight is on. Ok make that the basic wrestling match is on. After a quick excursion to the floor, Scorpio kicks him to the floor and they fight out there. Back in Scorpio tries a standing hurricanrana but gets powerbombed for two. Off to the chinlock which is broken up quickly but Scorpio misses the moonsault. Jeff hits a superplex and freaking X-Pac runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I’m done. This show has ticked me off AGAIN. The match was ok but of course we have a run-in. It’s Russo’s World and wrestling has no place on a sports entertainment show. Now I remember why I didn’t like Raw much back then when Austin wasn’t around.

Scorpio gets beaten up by the Brothers and takes a spike tombstone as Vince watches approvingly. They chase him off to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This show had nine matches and SIX ended in a DQ because of a run-in. It got old really fast and what does it accomplish? Not a thing. Undertaker and Kane are monsters. We got that the first time, the second time, and ALL THE OTHER TIMES. On top of that, the matches that were given endings were boring, or it was the LOD match. This show was total overkill and had one idea running through the whole thing. If you don’t like that idea, there’s no point in you watching. That’s what got WCW in trouble but thankfully it wasn’t the case long term for WWF. Total misfire here though.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 9, 2012
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

After last week’s huge show it should be very interesting to see where the company goes from here. Brock Lesnar returned last week and laid out Cena, so I’d bet that we’re going to hear about that here. Other than that we have Brodus teaming with Santino apparently to face Ziggler/Swagger. Throw in Lord Tensai and Punk vs. Jericho and there are a ton of ways this show could go. Let’s get to it.

Oh and the cast of the Three Stooges is here tonight. Scratch that whole great show tonight.

We open with….the Stooges. Not Brock, not Cena, not Rock, not Punk, but a video on the Stooges.

Punk vs. Henry for the belt tonight.

Ace and Otunga really open the show. Ace now has trumpets for his music, which is probably a good thing. He talks about how this next guy is going to be the future of the WWE and will carry the banner of the company for years to come. We get a clip of Lesnar returning last week and laying out Cena. Brock vs. Cena is officially announced for Extreme Rules. Well Cena’s last match was a year long build so maybe a quick one is a good idea here.

Cole actually mentions UFC by name during Brock’s entrance. Brock does the jump to the apron thing. He thanks Ace for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to the WWE. That’s all Brock can get out because here comes Cena. Cena slams Brock in the face and HERE WE GO. Brock takes him down immediately but a bunch of suits pull them apart. Ok scratch that as they try to pull them apart. A bunch of jobbers and Ziggler come out and now there are bigger names in there.

There are probably thirty guys in there but they can’t keep Brock back. Even Sheamus is in there. Cena has some serious blood from his mouth and what looks like a huge hole in his lip. Now Cena goes after Brock again. They go at it AGAIN and Lesnar is finally put outside. Really hot opening here with faces and heels acting more realistic by having guys from either side of the spectrum holding back both Cena and Lesnar.

After a break Ace yells at Teddy and says it was his fault for not containing Cena. He sends Teddy off to get an explanation from Cena and complains to Otunga. Teddy leaves when Eve pops in and says to call her later. Why not talk to him now?

Brodus Clay/Santino Marella vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

Dolph and Santino start things off with Ziggy hooking some quick rollups for two. Off to Brodus vs. Swagger and Jack manages to take him down as we take a break. Back with Ziggler dropping an elbow for two on Santino. Off to swagger who slams Santino down to block a tag. Dolph comes back in and hooks something like a crossface which is broken up. There’s the hot tag to Brodus who cleans house, headbutts Dolph down and splashes him for the pin at 8:00.

Rating: C-. Not a great match or anything but the idea here was to make Brodus look like he can compete with bigger names, which he certainly did. I’m not wild about putting him with Santino, but having him play the monster that wrecks things after the hot tag is a fine role for him at the moment. No real complaints here but it was nothing more than adequate.

Miz is looking to talk to Ace but Ace says we’ll talk next week. Teddy comes in and gets yelled at but Cena comes in with dried blood on his face. He talks about the legitimacy that Ace wants which is fine with Cena, because he loves this and has no issue with getting his face busted up. Cena wants a match tonight and says Ace can pick the opponent no matter who it is. Cena leaves and Ace takes care of the idea of a mystery by saying it’ll be Otunga. Gee good thing he told us. We might have waited to see who it was.

Santino is looking for the Three Stooges.

Back from a break and he’s still looking. They’re playing it up like they’re the real Stooges and not actors portraying the Stooges. Instead santino finds Kane and does Stooges sound effects anyway. Kane isn’t pleased so Santino runs off.

R-Truth vs. Cody Rhodes

Cody takes him down quickly with the Alabama Slam….and here’s big Show who looks pretty awesome in a suit. We get a video from last week with Cody getting beaten by Kofi. The video ends and Cody walks into Little Jimmy for the pin at 1:38. You know, like last week, but this week instead.

Santino is still looking for them and finds a crate marked fragile. He thinks it’s Italian soda sent by his mom so he pries it open to find the Stooges. Slapstick ensues. We get the debut of the Moe-Bra. They go back in the box but Moe says they need to think outside of it.

Lord Tensai vs. Yoshi Tatsu

Believe it or not there’s a story to this. Yoshi has said on Twitter that he’s REAL Japanese and not a fake like Tensai. An Albert chant breaks out as he rams in headbutts. Yoshi got in a pair of chops but that’s about it. Tensai hits a bunch of strikes and just like last week it’s stopped after a chokebomb at 2:04. Claw hold post match.

Before we go to break we see Jericho breaking the bottle over Punk’s head last week.

After we come back from break we see Jericho breaking the bottle over Punk’s head last week.

Here’s Punk to talk about how Straightedge isn’t something everyone gets. It’s just one drink or one cigarette and he gets that. However to him it’s a choice. It wasn’t something he chose to be trendy, but rather because it’s a way of life. He doesn’t talk about it that much (other than becoming a messiah because of it) because he didn’t want people to feel sorry for him. He told himself a long time ago that he’d make it to the top because he’s the best in the world.

And then here came Chris Jericho who also says that he’s the best in the world. Jericho broke the privacy that Punk has spent his life building up by telling the world about his father’s alcoholism and making up lies about his sister. Then at Wrestlemania, he made Jericho tap out. Jericho took it one step further and poured whiskey all over him and broke the bottle over his head. It made Punk smell exactly like his father did when he’d come home drunk, which is something Punk hates.

Jericho pops up on the screen and thinks Punk is still hung over. Is he shaking because he’s on his first bender? Last week, Jericho made him CM Drunk for the first time. Punk is shaking with anger and says that last week all that was broken was a bottle. He says that Jericho’s failure was taking Punk to a dark place because he’s going to take that out on Jericho.

Raw World Title: Mark Henry vs. CM Punk

Punk goes right at him with knees and a spinning kick. A clothesline doesn’t do much and Henry runs him over on a second attempt at one. They go to the floor and Punk hits him with a monitor for the DQ at 47 seconds. Ok then.

Punk gets ready to jump off the apron with the monitor but Jericho pops up with alcohol. The distraction lets Henry get up and destroy Punk with a pair of slams in the ring. Henry leaves so Jericho pulls out his beer He goes to pour it on Punk but the champ pops up and it’s on. Punk charges into the Codebreaker though and gets beer poured on him.

Zack Ryder vs. Alberto Del Rio

This is exactly what you would expect from a Ryder match anymore: Del Rio beats him up, Ryder gets in a few shots so that two people in the audience believe he could have a chance, the Rough Ryder is countered and the armbreaker ends it at 1:27. The way they’ve treated Ryder might be the thing in WWE that disgusts me more than anything else in company history. Seriously.

The Stooges have an idea for something next.

Here are the Stooges minus Curly. He comes out in a fat suit as Hogan but his voice is high pitched. Moe smacks him and he turns into a pretty bad Hogan imitation. The fans are NOT impressed. THANKFULLY Kane comes out, drawing cheers. He does the fire corners thing and Moe/Larry run. Curly Hulks Up and gets chokeslammed. This was so stupid.

Henry says next week he gets another title shot, no DQ and no countout.

We recap the brawl that opened the show.

Lesnar says he’s proud of everything he does. Eight years ago he left and went to the UFC, won their world title and gave them success which he’s proud of. Now he’s proud to be back here where Cena thinks he’s on the top. Cena couldn’t hold his jockstrap in a million years. He’s not here to make friends because he’s a proud war machine but he’s not as proud as the fans should be to have him back.

Here’s a video of the main event guys talking about how great HHH vs. Taker was because we can’t go five minutes without praising HHH or Undertaker right? At least with this one, the match really was that good.

John Cena vs. David Otunga

Feeling out process to start and Cena wipes the baby oil off Otunga. To be fair the guy was probably a fire hazard. Cena pounds him but he misses a splash in the corner and David gets in some offense. Shoulder block gets two. Otunga poses a lot and here comes Cena. The usual stuff sets up the Shuffle, AA, STF for the tap at 5:05.

Rating: C-. This was nothing of note but it gave us some Cena to watch for the night. Also it allows for the Brock run-in which is happening as I type this. These two are big deals and they need to be on TV as much as they can when Brock is around. He’ll only be around a few times a month so they need to use him properly.

Post match Brock runs in and low blows Cena (which we get a full replay of in the middle of the attack) and lays him out with the F5.

Overall Rating: B+ This was a very solid show and while it’s a step behind last week’s, the hot streak certainly is continuing. The Stooges thing was stupid, but other than that we’re still getting Cena vs. Lesnar in a few weeks, which is huge to say the least. The key difference to WWE at the moment is it feels like they’re actually trying and putting some effort into their stories which hasn’t been the case for a long time recently. You can tell when they’ve got it in coast mode and when they’re pounding it in, and they’re on a roll at the moment. Blast From The Past should be fun tomorrow night, at least I hope.

Results
Santino Marella/Brodus Clay b. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger – Splash to Ziggler
R-Truth b. Cody Rhodes – Little Jimmy
Lord Tensai b. Yoshi Tatsu via referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. CM Punk via DQ when Punk hit Henry with a monitor
Alberto Del Rio b. Zack Ryder – Cross Armbreaker
John Cena b. David Otunga – STF

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 24, 1998
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 14,727
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Man it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these hasn’t it? I kind of gor sidetracked by some newer Raws and Superstars plus that whole Wrestlemania thing but we’re back now. This is the go home show for Summerslam so expect a final push for Undertaker vs. Austin. That show wound up being awesome so hopefully this one is too. Tonight is also the end of Brawl For All, THANK GOODNESS. Let’s get to it.

Undertaker and Kane come in through a back door. Or maybe it’s a locker room.

Theme song.

It was a locker room.

Taker and Kane come out together to open the show. JR calls Undertaker Mankind for some reason. The Cell is above the ring. Before they say anything, Vince comes out and is all smiles. It’s his birthday according to JR. Then again according to him the 7ft guy in all black will debut a sock puppet one day. Vince: “Well, Undertaker and Kane have finally come out of the casket.” Vince McMahon: True Blood writer?

Vince says he told us all so and he tells us that twice. He says that Undertaker doesn’t need him since he has Kane by his side now. However, once Undertaker becomes champion, there will be a time when he need Vince for his mind. Before the night is over, Vince wants an answer to the question “Vince McMahon: friend or foe?” Paul Bearer comes out and asks Kane if it’s true or a nightmare.

He says he’s the one that’s always been there for Kane and asks Kane to destroy Undertaker for daddy. Taker jumps Bearer and Kane walks away. Mankind comes out for the save….and gets beaten down by both brothers without fighting back at all. Kane loads up the Tombstone and Taker goes up top to make it a SPIKE TOMBSTONE. Why didn’t they bust that bad boy out more often?

Vince says now only Austin remains between Taker and the title. Cue Austin to keep this segment going. He pops up on the stage and a wall of fire comes up. Austin (now with the Smoking Skull belt. Not sure if that had been seen before) says he knew they were together all along and that he doesn’t appreciate being set on fire. He can’t beat both of them at once so tonight, he’s taking one of them out.

Ken Shamrock vs. Dan Severn

Mankind has been taken out in an ambulance. This is a result of the triple threat last week where Severn choked Shamrock out post match. They both fight for the leg control to start but Severn rolls into the ropes by mistake. He comes back with a powerbomb but doesn’t cover. After a gordbuster a powerslam gets two…and Owen runs in for the DQ. He chokes Shamrock but Blackman runs in to clear that up. This feud just kept going and going. Too short to rate but it was certainly different. Shamrock snaps and suplexes Blackman post match. Then Blackman suplexes Shamrock.

Mankind is out of the ambulance and playing with the stretcher.

Summerslam Highway video. This is still awesome.

Post break Mankind surfs down the ramp on a stretcher. He gets in the ring and says it was cahoots all along. A good cub scout should always be prepared and his good cub scout leader Mr. McMahon said that Kane wasn’t good but Mankind didn’t listen. Tonight it’s Kane vs. Mankind in the Cell. He wants to know what kind of idiot would get back into the same match that almost killed him. Somehow he’s going to throw Kane off the cage or through it, onto 7000 thumbtacks.

We get some clips of the “last” Cell match which is between Taker and Foley. Even they’re already disowning the tag team one.

Here’s Sable to announce the next match.

Marc Mero vs. Kurrgan

Sable dances with the Oddities pre match. No Jackie this week. She’d be at Summerslam for a mixed tag though. Mero asks the Oddities to leave which they do willingly. Kurrgan overpowers him down and dances a bit. Mero goes for the knee until Kurrgan picks him up and hits what we would call a Punjabi Plunge. Jackie runs through the crowd and beats down Sable as Mero hits Kurrgan low for the DQ. This was pointless.

X-Pac relieves himself in someone’s boots.

Southern Justice vs. New Age Outlaws

Someone with a deep voice pops in on commentary. He sounds like he’s doing a Terry Funk impression. Oh it’s Hawk who is bombed still. Jarrett comes out before the match with something to say but his mic doesn’t work. He gets on the headset and reveals those were his boots. Canterbury and Gunn start things off with the Outlaws taking over. Off to Roadie for the dancing punches. Jeff challenges him to a match which was already announced. Off to Knight for a suplex as the match is being ignored. With the referee distracted, Gunn piledrives Knight for the pin. The match was just a backdrop for Jarrett’s ranting.

Jarrett gets annoyed at the cameraman for shooting his boots so Southern Justice holds him for a haircut.

Mankind vs. Kane

Inside the Cell. Kane comes out first so once he’s in the Cell, Mankind tries to climb the cage. He beats up the referee that tries to stop him which lets him ram the cage door on Kane’s head. They fight outside the Cell and Foley tries to throw a chair on top of the cage twice, one of this might have hit Lawler on the way down. He tries to climb up and Taker pops up from out of nowhere to pull him off and through the table. They haven’t been inside the Cell together yet.

Now Kane comes back around to beat Mankind up some more. Kane drags him towards the door and slams it on Mankind’s body which is on the ground. Ok NOW they’re inside the cage together. Kane throws the steps into the ring and beats him in the head with it as Taker watches. He manages a dive over the top to the floor to take out Mankind before trying to throw the steps on top of him from the ring.

Mankind manages to sneak under the ring and comes out with a chair plus the bag of tacks. The chair shot to Kane’s head gets a HUGE pop which suggests the popularity Foley could have as a face. Chokeslam attempt is countered by the Claw but they slug it out instead. Piledriver to Kane sends him into the tacks without much force, but it’s not played up as a huge deal. Mankind goes up but Kane clocks him with a chair.

Chokeslam puts Foley down and there’s the tombstone but Kane won’t cover. Taker sends him a throat slit sign so Kane picks up another chair. Foley gets up and a pair of chair shots to the head puts him down. Mankind gets up AGAIN but walks into a tombstone on the chair. Austin pops out from under the ring (that’s a Russo Special) and destroys Kane, resulting in probably the only DQ in the history of the Cell.

Rating: C+. This was more about the ending of the match than the match itself. The main idea here though was to basically turn Foley face through feeling bad about the horrible beating he took. It’s not a great match or anything but it pretty much did its job. They would lose the titles on Sunday anyway so Kane and Mankind could split in peace.

Taker tries to get in to stop the beating but Vince raises the Cell to prevent Austin vs. Taker from happening before Sunday.

Post break Taker calls Austin a coward for jumping Kane. He says that seals Austin’s fate and tonight, he’ll take his revenge because it’s personal.

Here’s Chyna who wants to call out Rock because of the beating HHH got from the Nation last week. Before she says anything Rock is here. The rest of the Nation comes out as well with a ladder. I think I remember this segment happening live. Rock gets on the bottom rung of the ladder and shows Chyna a shot of DX’s locker room with a forklift in front of it. Rock talks about going to Summerslam, climbing the People’s ladder rung by rung and taking his Intercontinental Title back.

As for Chyna, he sees her looking at him with those bedroom eyes. She’s a very frustrated woman and Rock can’t blame her at all for that. The one conclusion is that Chyna needs to get some. About 2am tonight, Rock can be the man to give it to her. She lunges at him but Brown and Owen make her stop. Rock says she looks natural on her knees and leans down to kiss her but says he doesn’t kiss trash like you. Mark Henry however can do it but Shawn Michaels runs out with a chair to the head of Henry to save Chyna.

Post break DX is out of the room and looking for DX in the parking lot.

Val Venis vs. Taka Michnoku

This is technically a rematch from last week where Val ran the gauntlet but lost to Taka in the final match. Taka takes him down with a spinwheel kick but Val shrugs it off. Shawn is on commentary now but won’t tell us much his relationship with DX. Val powerbombs him and hits the Money Shot but HHH comes in with a chair shot to break it up.

HHH is MAD and says at Summerslam, Rocky belong to him. He was a bit more colorful than that but you get the idea.

We get an extended edition of the Austin vs. Taker video.

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Gangrel jumps him to start but Pac comes back with a spinning kick. Powerslam gets two for Gangrel and a powerbomb puts Pac down. A Swan Dive misses and Edge is watching. Pac comes back and hits the Bronco Buster but here’s Jarrett with a guitar shot for the DQ.

After DX gets X-Pac out of the ring, Edge runs in and beats down Gangrel.

Undertaker has a casket.

Brawl For All Finals: Bradshaw vs. Bart Gunn

THANK GOODNESS it ends here. I couldn’t take much more of this. We get a recap of this for some reason. Bart knocks him down in about ten seconds and the knockout is complete at 42 seconds. Dang I was hoping to get some reading in during this thing. Bart gets 75 grand and Bradshaw gets 25 grand, as this becomes one of the biggest jokes in company history. Bart didn’t get pushed AT ALL after this, other than forgettable and short feuds with Steve Williams and Hardcore Holly. No title shots, no big angles, no MMA gimmick change, nothing. We wasted six weeks on NOTHING.

Vince says he’ll get his answer tonight. You can hear stage directors saying to get the casket ready.

The lights go blue and the druids start chanting as some guy in a white jacket goes up the ramp for some reason. The druids brings out a casket and Undertaker follows with his new demonic music. Taker says Kane has his own business at Summerslam but for tonight, Taker wants Austin. Here’s Vince instead who asks friend or foe. He extends his hand and is promptly chokeslammed.

Austin pops out of the casket and talks trash to Vince. Now Kane pops out of the casket and beats up Austin while Undertaker watches. Austin gets to the floor and grabs a chair but walks away instead of fighting a losing battle. See, that’s how you have a smart but still tough face. In a cool visual, flames comes up (slowly) down the middle of the ramp, making it look like the dividing line on a highway, to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a hard one to grade. They certainly did a good job of pushing Summerslam as I think every match got at least a mention other than Brown vs. Venis (which for some reason would last fifteen minutes). However the main event stuff felt like a month of stories in one night. Tonight alone we had: Vince telling Undertaker to pick, Austin attacking Kane in the Cell, Austin and Kane in the casket, Undertaker and Kane officially uniting, Paul Bearer pleading with Kane, and probably some other stuff I’m forgetting. All of that in ONE SHOW. It was a bit too much for me, but the PPV makes up for it.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 2, 2012
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Tonight is the show after Wrestlemania and we basically start the new year in WWE. The Rock beat John Cena last night in a good match that didn’t quite live up to its hype. Other than that, HHH couldn’t break the Streak, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. I’m not sure what comes next on this show, which is what makes tonight fun. Let’s get to it.

We open with a state of the shows speech by Ace but Punk interrupts, saying that everyone knows that Ace is a giant tool box. Ace says that Punk is defending tonight against Mark Henry. This is the era of People Power according to the boss.

Theme song.

Here’s Rock for the real opening. The fans chant his latest catchphrase for awhile to keep him from talking for awhile and he does the goosebumps thing. He talks about how he came back 14 months ago and they’ve done it all since then. It wasn’t until last night that Rock stood before 70,000 people and won at Wrestlemania in Sun Life Stadium. Now he can truly say he’s come back….home.

Rock explains the goosebumps thing again and says he has to thank Cena. The fans of course think he sucks because it’s what they’re programmed to do. Rock says it’s an honor to have competed against Cena in the biggest match of all time, and all that matters is they made history for the fans. Rock thanks the people for being there for him last night and for always being behind him.

For some reason Rock talks about being cut from the Canadian Football League. “Do you realize how much you have to suck to be cut from the Canadian Football League????” He thanks the people for making him the people’s champion and promises this is only the beginning. The fans chant Thank You Rocky and Rock talks about having a vision last night after partying in Miami. He shows off a bit of the dancing he did (drawing a whistle, apparently from a male Cena fan) and asks if the people want to hear his vision. The vision is that one day he’ll be WWE Champion.

US Title: Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler

Basically it’s a handicap match here as both guys corner him. Swagger gets him in the corner and Ziggler kicks him down. There are the sit-ups from Ziggler and Swagger rides him on the mat. Santino fights back with right hands and dumps Dolph to the floor (required great bump) but Swagger runs him over with a tackle as we take a break. Back with Santino in trouble again, more or less just like it’s been all match so far.

Ziggy holds him but Santino gets in a boot and a Saito Suplex to Ziggler. He takes over on Jack and loads up the Cobra but Dolph grabs a neckbreaker to put him right back down. An assisted Fameasser gets two as Jack looks like he wants to make the save. Yep we’re in triple threat formula territory now. Swagger suplexes Ziggler but the Vader Bomb eats knees. Ziggler dropkicks Swagger and walks into a slingshot. Cobra to Swagger keeps the title at 6:51.

Rating: C-. This was any triple threat match that you’ve seen in a long time. The face gets beaten down for awhile, the heels don’t get along, the face steals the win to keep the title. There’s nothing wrong with that and it worked decently here, but it’s something we’ve seen time after time.

Post match they go after him (after falling for the LOOK OVER THERE gag) and almost catch him on the stage, but Brodus freaking Clay comes out as backup for Santino. Ziggy charges at him but runs into the headbutt. Swagger won’t jump him so Clay, the dancers and Santino have a little dance party. LOUD Funkasaurus chant during him staring down Swagger/Ziggler too. That’s a really good sign.

Lord Tensai vs. Alex Riley

Tensai has some Japanese guy with him to throw salt. It’s clearly Albert/A-Train even though all of his face other than his eyes is covered. Cole says it’s known that he’s a former WWE Superstar who went to Japan and dominated before coming back. I’m not sure if I like that or not but it’s one way to go. He’s in red trunks and arm bands and has Japanese symbols across his face diagonally. His face is uncovered now but we haven’t heard his old name yet. Total domination with tons of elbow strikes and headbutts and Riley is out. Chokebomb ends this via referee stoppage at 2:46. Standard debuting monster squash.

Riley is almost up a few seconds later so Tensai throws on a claw post match. He spit something on his hand before putting the hold on. They never said A-Train or Albert.

We hear again about how Cena is going to call out Rock tonight for the fallout from last night. We’ve gotten two clips of him saying he had to win last night, so the question is how he’ll react to it.

Raw World Title: Mark Henry vs. CM Punk

Punk gets overpowered to start but manages to get in some strikes. Those get him absolutely nowhere. Well, unless you count face down on the mat and getting pounded on somewhere of course. Either way, Henry dominates him with pure power. Punk’s back is still hurt from the Jericho match last night. There’s a bearhug but it never goes on fully, as Punk pounds away and DDTs out of it for two. Running knee to the head gets the same. Henry gets in another shot to the back and sets for a Vader Bomb, but Punk gets in a shot to break it up.

That doesn’t really matter though as Henry drills him again and tries a second time. This time Punk moves and Henry crashes down. Henry manages to run him over though and we take a break. Back with Punk diving into a clothesline but getting caught by Henry. He knocks the champ down again and it’s nerve hold time. Punk fights out of that and chops the tar out of Henry.

A high kick puts Henry down and a very slow climb sets up the Macho Elbow. It hurts Punk’s back again but he manages the running knee in the corner. No bulldog though. Another knee looks to set up the bulldog but Henry throws Punk to the floor. That combo works about 2% of the time. In a very surprising ending, Punk doesn’t beat the count back in and Henry wins by countout at 13:00.

Rating: C+. Good stuff here with Punk fighting the odds and trying to hang in there, but I’m not sure I like the ending. It obviously sets up a rematch for Henry which is the right idea, and I think I can live with that. Not a bad match at all, but it wasn’t my favorite for some reason. Maybe it’s Henry not being that interesting anymore. Actually scratch that about the ending. The match was for the title so there was no other way to end it if that’s how they’re going forward, which is ok.

Post match Henry gives him the World’s Strongest Slam on the floor. The fans want Lesnar. Ace and Otunga come out to say that Punk is going to be defending the title on a much more consistent basis. Jericho pops up and says that it looks like Punk needs a drink. He pulls out a bottle of what looks like whiskey and pours it on Punk’s head, ala Raven or Lawler/Roberts in 1996. Jericho slips on the booze in a funny bit. Jericho goes to get another bottle and breaks this one over Punk’s head. Punk’s hand shaking is a nice touch.

Here’s Sheamus, but he’s immediately cut off by the returning Alberto Del Rio in I believe a Lamborghini. Scratch that it’s a Mercedes. Del Rio says he wouldn’t lose in 18 seconds. Sheamus has a new challenger and his name is Alberto Del Rio, according to Ricardo in a great bit. The fans chant SI SI SI SI in another funny bit. The crowd has been great for the most part tonight. Ace has granted Del Rio a match on Smackdown with Sheamus and if he wins, he gets a future title match. Del Rio’s mic goes out and he goes to get another, but turns around into the Brogue Kick. Cool ending to the segment.

Bryan and AJ were watching and Josh pops up. Bryan glares at Josh and that’s that.

Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston

It’s weird seeing Cody without the title. Kofi starts fast with a spinning cross body but he walks into the Disaster Kick. He sets for something else but here’s Big Show with the title. Show has a clip of last night with Cody’s Embarrassing Wrestlemania Moment. Ok that’s pretty good. Cody walks into Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 1:50.

More Cena and Rock clips with Cena talking about how he had to win.

Henry is ticked off in the back and Abraham Washington of all people comes in to say it’s time for a change for Mark. Washington offers to manage him and leaves Mark with one of his cards.

Here’s Eve who says that last night was her Wrestlemania moment. She manipulated Ryder and can manipulate any man, except the GM, Johnny Ace. People Power!

The Miz vs. Zack Ryder

Cena has just arrived apparently. Ryder takes Miz down with a forearm and pounds away. A sunset flip is rolled through for two for Ryder. He kicks Miz into the corner and is very aggressive here. Miz kicks him down and hooks a chinlock. That’s broken quickly and Ryder gets two knees up to Miz’s face. Cole compares Eve to Jane Eyre. For some reason I don’t think there’s a big crossover between Bronte fans and Raw fans, but I could be wrong. Broski Boot gets two. Miz throws Ryder’ss shoulder into the post and the Skull Crushing Finale gets the clean pin at 2:58.

Overall Rating: B+. This show clicked very well. First of all, it FLEW by. We seemingly have the next world title matches lined up, with two potential challengers for both champions. There’s a new manager around now and Tensai’s debut was….well it was ok I guess, but it was nothing that came off to me as great. Really good show, although the wrestling needed to be a bit better.

Orton vs. Kane on Friday.

Here’s Cena for the big callout. There’s going to be a LONG overrun tonight as it’s 10:58 when his music starts. Cena says that everyone in life faces defeat, which is paraphrased here but the real line was a Muhammad Ali quote. Cena says he didn’t ever think he would lose. During the whole year it never crossed his mind because if you think that way you’ve already lost. A true champion believes he can win even through his most disappointing loss.

Cena says there was a lot of speculation as to how he’d react to this. Would he lash out? Would he make excuses? The fans chant that he’s a loser. Cena says people have wondered if this was the day he finally lashed out at the WWE Universe. The fans chant YES YES YES in a good bit. Cena says that’s not going to happen, drawing heat on the level that he got in the stadium last night. Cena is a man and he was beaten. He admits defeat and apologizes to his supporters. Cena thanks the rapper from last night and gets booed again.

Now let’s address the rumors about calling Rock out. He’s not going to do that because he doesn’t want to fight Rock and they’ve called each other out for a year. The fans want Lesnar and Cena stops for them to chant it. He says that it’s always an interesting crowd at Raw and he wants Rock. Cena invites him down to the ring to talk because he doesn’t want to fight. John says he thinks Rock is the greatest in WWE history. Cena wants one more moment of celebration for Rock in the middle of the ring. The fans still want Lesnar. Cena starts a yes chant and says Bryan owes him one. No Rock yet.

LESNAR! HE’S BACK! He poses on the stage (with Cole sounding like he’s calling a Superstars main event) and circles the ring before getting in. Cena applauds him and Lesnar picks him up for a HUGE F5. He kicks Cena’s hat away and stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. This show clicked very well. First of all, it FLEW by. We seemingly have the next world title matches lined up, with two potential challengers for both champions. There’s a new manager around now and Tensai’s debut was….well it was ok I guess, but it was nothing that came off to me as great. Really good show, although the wrestling needed to be a bit better. And then Lesnar came back, to make it a HUGE show.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler – Cobra to Swagger
Lord Tensai b. Alex Riley via referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. CM Punk via countout
Kofi Kingston b. Cody Rhodes – Trouble in Paradise
The Miz b. Zack Ryder – Skull Crushing Finale

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They acknowledged that he’s a former WWE superstar but never said his name. He didn’t have anything covering his head so it wasn’t a secret or anything. I like that WAY better than pretending no one knew who he was because it’s not like he has a forgettable face. Tensai squashed Alex Riley.

Thoughts on the debut/character?

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 1, 2008
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

I downloaded this show thinking that it was the 800th episode and that WWE couldn’t count, but I found out that they had a big 800th episode celebration later on. I’ve done that one already, or at least I will by the time you read this. That being said, I already have this show downloaded so I might as well throw it in as a bonus. Let’s get to it.

We open with an in memory graphic for Killer Kowalski. Always good to see.

This was taped on Sunday since Monday was Labor Day.

Here’s Orton to open the show and he’s apparently got a bad left arm. This is his return from an injury and his arm is still in a sling. Orton talks about how a brand is measured by its champions. When he was world champion, Raw dominated. Let’s look at the Divas Champion, Beth Phoenix. She’s running around like a lovesick puppy. And who is she in love with? Santino? Orton could beat him even while hurt. Moving onto the tag champions, how can Orton and DiBiase be called Priceless? It’s more like worthless.

However, that’s not the real problem here on Raw. Instead, Punk is the one running around disgracing the World Title. Four years ago, Punk was nothing in a nothing organization. Now he climbed a ladder and got a lucky win to become champion. Orton would love to take the title back right now but he’s not medically cleared. One day soon though, Orton will come back and take the title.

Cue Punk who looks WAY younger here. Punk talks about how he didn’t have his daddy and granddaddy getting him his spot. He’s world champion and he doesn’t drink, smoke etc. Know what else he doesn’t do? He doesn’t go out on his motorcycle at 3am and reinjure his shoulder for three more months. NICE. Punk calls Orton a joke and Randy goes to leave, so Punk says he’ll keep the title until Orton is ready to come back and lose to him.

Orton leaves and here’s JBL who is in the Scramble on Sunday. He says that in three days, the clock strikes midnight on Cinderella. The odds will catch up with Punk and the fans will get a real champion in JBL. JBL says he can clothesline anyone and pin them. Cue Kane who says he’s been home and hasn’t seen JBL’s clothesline there. He did however see Mysterio there, which means Rey is out of the Scramble match. Now cue Batista who spears everyone and stands tall.

Kofi Kingston vs. Charlie Haas

Haas is dressed as Cena in another imitation. Cena is out after having neck surgery so the fans popped big for the music. Kofi speeds things up to start but Haas knocks him down. He sets for the Shuffle but Kofi kicks him in the head followed by some dropkicks. Things speed up again and there’s the Boom Drop. Charlie gets in a right hand and tries the FU but Kofi escapes and Trouble in Paradise ends this quick.

Priceless yells at Orton so Orton slaps them and says take some action.

Teddy and Tiffany go to see Adamle because they run ECW. There’s going to be a battle royal for the ECW Scramble guys as well as one with the Raw guys. Adamle thinks this could become a tradition on Labor Day, like a Jerry Lewis telethon without the sick kids. Kane comes in and says Rey isn’t coming back like Adamle says. Adamle says he was hoping to make Rey feel good and show up either tonight or at Unforgiven.

Battle Royal

Matt Hardy, Finlay, Mark Henry, Chavo Guerrero, The Miz

Henry is champion coming in. I don’t think the winner gets anything here. Everyone goes after Henry to start but he throws them all away with ease. Matt is the only one that has any luck against him as he and Miz manage a double DDT. Finlay slams Chavo onto Henry, which is kind of stupid as it keeps Henry on the mat. Miz puts Finlay onto the apron but walks into a side effect.

Finlay comes back in for a double clothesline on Matt to put them both down. Henry throws out Chavo and Miz at the same time and then splashes Finlay in the corner. Matt goes after Henry as does Finlay but they can’t throw him out due to reasons of fat. Finlay is easily thrown out by Mark and after a brief flurry from Matt he’s tossed too to give Henry the pretty easy win.

Rating: D-. So let me get this straight: Henry, the champion and favorite coming into the match on Sunday just threw out all four of his opponents in about three and a half minutes with complete ease. How exactly is that supposed to make me want to see the match on Sunday again? Why are battle royals so hard to get right? They really should be easier than this to book.

Jericho looks at the contract for his unsanctioned match on Sunday with Shawn.

Jamie Noble vs. William Regal

Noble wants to date Layla so she’s here too. I don’t remember that pairing very well at all but this brings it back a bit. Granted it’s not exactly the biggest angle of all time. Regal annoyed Layla when she was dancing and Noble saved her so there’s your background. Regal is in his one piece swimsuit attire and he pounds Noble down with ease. A full nelson is easily countered and they trade some rollups for two. Regal punches him in the face to put him down as the beating continues. Out of nowhere, Noble grabs a small package for the quick pin. This was like a minute long.

Jillian Hall sings a bit before the next match.

Jillian Hall/Katie Lea Burchill/Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James/Candice Michelle, Kelly Kelly

The Divas were much hotter in 2008. Beth is Women’s Champion and says she’s a great champion, which is a message to Orton. She says no one can challenge her which draws out Candice to be the mystery partner or something. Kelly vs. Katie to start with Kelly proving why she should stick to looking good, which she is in a bikini and chaps.

Off to Mickie and Jillian with Mickie getting caught in the heel corner. Beth comes in for a slingshot suplex for two. A neckbreaker lets Mickie tag in Candice, who just wasn’t that good. She cleans house and goes up in the heel corner for a cross body. Beth rolls through but Candice rolls into an ugly small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. Candice brought this WAY down. She was botching everything she tried and really messed up the match. They tried really hard to make her into the big deal of the division and it never quite worked. On another note, the Divas looked WAY better back then and could work better matches too. Such a shame.

Recap of Jericho vs. Shawn which was about Shawn having a bad eye and having to retire. Jericho blames Shawn for it and in a fight between them, Jericho punched Shawn’s wife. Shawn can’t quit after that so there’s an unsanctioned match this Sunday. This is a long
video but it’s good.

Santino Marella vs. D’Lo Brown

Santino debuts the Honk-A-Meter before the match. I saw this match at a house show earlier in the summer. Brown starts off fast getting two off a clothesline. A Shining Wizard (actually called that) sets up the Low Down but Santino moves and gets the very fast pin.

We get a classic moment from September of 1997 and the first Raw in MSG. It was the night Austin first Stunned Vince.

John Morrison/The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme

Cryme Tyme has the tag title belts which they stole. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start and here’s Priceless to beat down the thieves and to take back their titles. No match.

After a break Priceless shows Orton the belts but don’t say a word.

Smackdown Your Vote, the Republican edition. I’m a political geek so this is awesome.

Batista is asked what his game plan is for tonight. It’s to destroy everyone.

We run down the card for Sunday.

Battle Royal

Kane, Batista, CM Punk, John Bradshaw Layfield

Rey isn’t here but he’d be in the match on Sunday. Orton is at ringside when we come back from a break. Kane comes out last instead of Punk for some reason. Batista knocks everyone down to start and hits the worst spear I’ve seen in a very long time on JBL. Batista is a monster but there was zero impact there at all. Kane breaks up the Bomb on Punk with a big boot and Punk clotheslines Batista out.

A backdrop puts JBL out and it’s down to two. Punk tries whatever he can against Kane but the big boot and side slam take him down. Punk hits three knees in the corner but the bulldog is countered. He tries the GTS but Kane elbows out of it. Punk tries to springboard into the clothesline but Kane catches him by the throat and shoves Punk out for the win.

Rating: C. See how easy it is to give us a little drama going into Sunday? All you have to do is give someone other than the champion a win and it makes the fans think there’s some doubt as to who wins. The good part of a battle royal is that it makes the winner look good but the loser doesn’t lose anything because it’s just a battle royal.

Post match Punk and Orton stare at each other and Punk slaps him. Also Rey returns, completely defeating the purpose of not being in the battle royal, to beat down Kane and send him into the post and hit a 619 around the post.

Time for the contract signing. Jerry is the moderator and explains that there are no rules and WWE is absolved from any liabilities in the match. Both of them sign and Jerry thanks them but Jericho cuts them off. He wants to know why we have all the security. Shawn says it’s not his idea because if it were up to him it would be just the two of them. Jericho and Shawn agree that the security isn’t needed here so it’s just the two of them.

Jericho says he followed the advice Shawn gave him at Summerslam, “you know, before I hit your wife in the face.” He told them that he’d never be an egomaniac like Summerslam. Then he said not to watch Summerslam because he doesn’t want them to see what he’s capable of doing. Shawn says his family won’t be watching either. Someday he’ll tell them about it all though. About the day that his father almost walked away but couldn’t turn the other cheek because sometimes you have to spit in the eye of evil.

Shawn talks about how he’ll never forgive him for what he did, but he hopes on day God forgives Shawn for what he’ll do to Jericho on Sunday. They both get up but Lance Cade comes in to save Jericho which goes as well as you would expect for him. Really strong closing segment.

Overall Rating: B-. This was an odd show but it set up an odd PPV. The problem is that there were 15 people tied up in three matches so you could only do so much on TV before the PPV. That being said, the build was mostly good and the Shawn/Jericho stuff was awesome. At the end of the day when you have great promos and great matches, the feud is going to be great by default, and it was, giving us the feud of the year. Good show.

Here’s Unforgiven if you’re interested:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 3, 2008
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is the REAL 800th episode, at least according to WWE and is a three hour show. It means I’m probably wrong about some of the previous centennial episodes but does it really matter? Anyway we have a big long card and a bunch of highlights from the first 799 episodes which I’m sure we haven’t seen a million times before. Oh and Batista defending against Jericho in a cage. Let’s get to it.

DX fights Miz/Morrison tonight.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He says to either fire Adamle as GM or he’s walking. Shane and Stephanie won’t fix things so he’s going to put a stop to it. If you think he’s bluffing, try him. Orton gets a chair and sits between the announce tables.

Hardys vs. The Brian Kendrick/MVP

Matt is ECW Champion and Jeff is about a month and a half from winning the WWE Title. We get a clip from Episode #764: Jeff diving off the tower onto Orton from earlier in the year. Jeff vs. MVP gets us going with not much at all. Off to Matt so the Hardys can screw up some basic stuff. Back to Jeff for Poetry in Motion as the fans aren’t that interested so far.

Off to Kendrick who jumps onto Jeff’s back and kicks away at it. Sliced Bread is countered and Jeff hits the sitout gordbuster and brings in Matt. Matt cleans house, knocking Kendrick to the floor and hitting the Side Effect on MVP for two. MVP gets a shot in and it’s off to Kendrick. The referee didn’t see it so while he’s being put out, the Twist and Swanton get the pin MVP.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here as I think the Hardys were there to give us some kind of a nostalgia feeling, but it doesn’t quite mean much when the team hasn’t meant anything in years at this point. Also the lack of doubt as to who wins here kind of hurt things too. Kendrick’s push started and stopped in about the course of a month.

We get a clip of the first episode where Heenan couldn’t get inside among other things.

The Kid beats Razor Ramon on Episode #17. That really was a huge deal.

Battle Royal

William Regal, Manu, JTG, Shad Gaspar, Cody Rhodes, Jamie Noble, Snitsky, Ted DiBiase Jr.

Orton is still at ringside. The winner gets an IC Title match next week. Santino is on commentary as he’s champion. He declares himself champion of the world as this match is going nowhere. Snitsky the Bald is sent out by all three members of Priceless, but DiBiase throws out Manu and Rhodes in a nice move. Regal and Noble go to the floor but not over the top. Oh ok Noble is out. We have Cryme Tyme, Regal and DiBiase left. DiBiase fights the tag team and throws out JTG. Shad misses a boot so Ted can toss him, but Regal sneaks in to throw out Teddy for the win and the title shot, which I think he would win.

Rating: D-. Really boring match here with an ending that you’ve seen a million times before. Well you’ve probably not seen a million battle royals but you get the idea. Still though, boring match and it was about as cheap of a way as you could get to give Regal the title shot. Nothing else to say here.

Shane and Stephanie arrive. Stephanie says Shane can handle this, referring to Orton I think.

Episode #409: Vince buys WCW but Shane steals it from under him. Still a huge moment, still amazing how much they screwed that up.

Orton is in the ring again and talks about how Adamle slapped him in the face. Therefore, either Adamle goes, or Orton goes. Cue the dancing McMahon who says he doesn’t appreciate this. Orton says that Vince would get this done immediately. Shane says he’s not his father but they have the same last name. Cue Adamle who says everyone in charge of Raw has always had an agenda. He wanted to be the first unbiased GM, but unfortunately that hasn’t been happening. Therefore, he’s quitting, and also drawing the biggest pop of the night.

Orton however wants an apology still. Shane says Orton should apologize to Adamle. Orton has had an excuse of a bad shoulder lately, but Shane thought Orton looked fine at Cyber Sunday. Shane thought something was up so he went to Orton’s doctors, who said that Orton has been cleared to compete for months. Orton doesn’t want to come back until Survivor Series, but Shane thinks it should be tonight. Randy says he doesn’t have his gear, but Shane says he’ll take care of that. It’s Orton vs. Punk tonight.

Senator Barack Obama asks if you know what he’s cooking. Senator John McCain wants to know if you know what he’s cooking.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Charlie Haas

This is during Charlie’s imitation period so he’s Bret the Hitman Haas here. He even cuts a quick promo but the voice doesn’t work at all. The fans didn’t screw Vladimir at Cyber Sunday. Vlad screwed Vlad. Boot to the chest, suplex, headbutt, pin in 25 seconds.

After a clip of Batista winning the title at Cyber Sunday, Big Dave says he’ll keep the title tonight.

Episode #257: DX invades WCW. HUGE moment here.

D-Generation X vs.  John Morrison/The Miz

HHH is WWE Champion. DX does their intro and we get a clip from ECW where Miz/Morrison made fun of them for being old and then beat up some DX impersonators. Shawn points out that the impersonator has a huge nose. Maybe Shawn just got used to it over the years but THAT THING IS HUGE! They also mocked his chaps. You can punch his wife, you can spit in his face, BUT NO ONE MOCKS THE CHAPS!

HHH points out them making fun of Shawn for losing his hair. Shawn doesn’t remember this. HHH: “Well I’m pretty sure…” Shawn: “No they didn’t.” HHH: “Shawn I’m sure…” Shawn: “Drop it!” HHH: Well ok….” Shawn: “WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!” HHH makes fun of Miz/Morrison’s high school pictures. Miz looks like a horse and Morrison enjoys rest stop sex. Shawn says he’s ready, the fans say they’re ready, we get a clip of Big Dick Johnson giving Miz a lap dance for some reason which traumatizes Shawn, and now we get to the DX intro, complete with more gay jokes from the Game. Funny stuff.

Oh yeah we have a match to get to. This is joined in progress with Morrison getting two on HHH. HHH takes his head off with a clothesline and it’s a double tag. Shawn knocks Miz down and hits the elbow to set up the Kick. Morrison breaks that up and Miz takes over via a clothesline. Miz whips Shawn into the corner where Shawn flips, followed by Miz’s corner clothesline.

Morrison comes in and pokes Shawn in the eye so Shawn kicks him in the head. Off to HHH who cleans house with the knees to the face. Facebuster looks to set up the Pedigree on Morrison but Miz breaks it up, only to walk into the spinebuster. Morrison imitates Shawn with a forearm, nipup and then tuning up the band, with the kick connecting on HHH. Miz and Morrison do crotch chops and Miz loads up a Pedigree, which is easily countered. Shawn kicks Miz’s head off and the Pedigree ends this.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match at all as Miz/Morrison got to show off a bit here. There was never any doubt as to who would win as the non-degerates didn’t mean much yet. Seeing them imitate DX’s stuff was good though and that’s what popped the fans for the most part. Fun little match.

JBL is with Shane and says he should be the new GM. Shane says he’ll think about it and has an idea about putting JBL in a match tonight. JBL thinks he means making the cage match a triple threat for the title, but Shane says it’s against the Undertaker.

Episode #243: Mike Tyson is here. Another HUGE moment.

Face Diva Team vs. Heel Diva Team

It’s a sixteen Diva tag. Do you really think I’m listing off all of them in what’s going to be a two minute match at longest? There are only seven good Divas so here’s Mae Young to be #8. Beth pounds on Kelly to start but Kelly uses her screaming headscissors, which is her only offense three and a half years later. Here’s Mae and Beth sells WAY too much for her. She knocks down everyone but falls down. A brawl breaks out and Beth rolls up Mae for the pin. As usual, three girls were in the match. If I remember right Mae was legit hurt in this.

Smackdown ReBound of the casket match with Taker vs…..Chavo Guerrero? Big Show interfered but Taker won anyway.

Episode #456: Rock challenges Hogan.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Punk and Kofi are tag champions here in a reign I don’t think anyone remembers. This is as a result of Orton punting Punk at Unforgiven and costing him the world title, which somehow wouldn’t have a proper blowoff match until 2011. Punk takes him into the corner to start but Orton pounds him right back down. Here’s the Orton Stomp and a knee drop for two. Off to a chinlock which is broken up quickly. Punk avoids a charge in the corner and hits the springboard clothesline. Orton comes back with a clothesline in the corner and loads up the RKO…and here’s DiBiase for the DQ. Too short to rate.

DiBiase pounds on Punk and Orton punts DiBiase all the way into The Marine 2. Ted gets stretchered out.

Rhodes and Manu yell at Randy about it and Randy says if you have a problem do something about it right now. No one moves.

Episode #772: Floyd Mayweather is thrown over the top. This wasn’t exactly what I’d call a huge moment.

Stephanie is looking very good in her office when Adamle comes in. He says he’s leaving because she micromanages. Stephanie says being in charge is her birthright. He leaves and Shane comes in. He has a major announcement about Survivor Series but he won’t tell her.

Episode #475: Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy in a ladder match for the title.

Here’s JR to call the next match and probably the rest of the show. Unfortunately it’s him and Tazz instead of him and Jerry like it should be.

Undertaker vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Taker grabs a headlock to start and hits a quick Old School. JBL shoulders him down and punches Taker in the corner. That doesn’t last long as the punching comes from Undertaker now, followed by a big boot and legdrop. The chokeslam hits and Taker does the throat slit. JBL escapes the tombstone and they collide with JBL falling to the floor. John looks to get back in but Taker sits up, so JBL bails for a countout for another short match.

JBL tries to walk out but Shawn throws him back in for a tombstone.

Jericho comes in to see Shane and the announcement is that the winner of Batista vs. Jericho gets to defend against the returning Cena at Survivor Series in Boston.

Episode #304: Ausitn and the beer truck.

Here’s Kung Fu Naki for a demonstration in the ring. Ok so I have his song on my iPod. Sue me. Horny comes in to dance with him. Boogeyman comes in to terrorize them and dances a bit too. Goldust, Jesse, Festus, Hacksaw, Slaughter, Lillian, Dusty, Cole and King all get in and dance too. Why is this happening? Oh ok, it’s so Ron Simmons can get a line in.

Episode #775: Flair retires. I can’t watch that anymore.

Episode #630: Edge and Lita’s wedding.

Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry/Kane

Kofi is a tag champion with Punk but for some reason he’s in this match instead. Rey vs. Kane to start and It hink you can figure out what’s going on here: Mysterio moves around a lot and gets in a few shots but Kane runs him over. Off to Henry who runs him over even more. A splash misses and here’s the tag to Kofi. His kicks don’t do anything as Henry just throws him around. Kofi manages to get in a shot to send Henry to the corner and he knocks Kane off the apron. Henry gets tired of being on defense and catches a top rope cross body in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin. Basically a squash.

Kane throws Mysterio out…and here’s Khali. He chops down both other monsters and Rey’s music plays for some reason.

Video on Raw being a longer running show than ANYTHING, except for World Championship Wrestling on Saturday Night which ran over 20 years without missing a week but we don’t count that because it makes us sound bad.

Video on Cena, who is coming back at Survivor Series. It’s kind of a career retrospective.

Shane and Stephanie say nothing of note.

Episode #761: Tribute to the Troops 2008.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. Chris Jericho

Batista won the title at Cyber Sunday, 8 days earlier. Pin, submission or escape as usual. Jericho charges straight at him which goes about as well as anyone else charging straight at Batista goes. He tries to run over the top but Batista catches him and hits a suplex followed by a clothesline for two. Jericho gets rammed into the cage and screams in pain. Or is it laughter? He’s always been a complicated guy. Batista rams him into the steel again and we take a break.

Back with Jericho hooking the Walls of Jericho on the apparent injured knee of Batista. There’s some tape on there but you would have to know to look for it. Batista kicks him off but he kicks him to the door so Batista has to make a diving save. They fight near the open door and in a smart move, Jericho throws Batista’s leg out the door so he can slam the door on it. Nice move.

We’re told that the knee injury too place at Cyber Sunday. That makes sense. Back in the middle of the ring Batista hits a spinning Bossman Slam for two. Jericho goes right back for the knee and loads up the Codebreaker, but Batista rams him into the cage instead. A spear misses though and Batista is right back down after hitting cage. Jericho goes up to escape but climbs down in front of the door which Batista throws open and pulls him back in. That was creative.

Spinebuster puts Jericho down but the Batista Bomb is countered as Jericho grabs the cage and tries to climb out again. Batista manages to throw him off but gets crotched to put both guys down. They go up again and Jericho almost gets caught in a top rope Batista Bomb. He manages to pull something off the cage and rams it into Batista’s head which allows him to get over the top. Batista grabs the top of Chris’ head but can’t stop him and Jericho wins the title.

Rating: B. I liked this a lot more than the Edge vs. Cena cage match that I did recently. The best part here was that they actually came up with some creative spots and we got a surprise ending. Why they gave Batista an 8 day reign is a little unclear but I’d assume it was so they could give us a surprise here, which is fine. Good main event.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this show but it wasn’t great. The problem was that they didn’t seem sure if they wanted to do a regular show with nostalgia thrown in or vice versa which makes the show feel uneven. It’s entertaining enough though and that’s the important idea. Coupling that with a good main event and the show is definitely more good than bad, but it’s not a great show or anything.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 2, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the 700th show and since I’m trying to find this, #600 and #800, there’s no way of telling which order I’ll be doing these in. As for this show, the main event is Edge vs. Cena in a cage for the title with Johnny Boy defending. This is the go home show for No Mercy 2006, and believe it or not I haven’t done that one so there’s no link to it at the bottom. I’m not sure if that’s ever happened before. Let’s get to it.

We open with the cage around the ring.

Here’s DX to open the show. This has been the summer of their reunion and the eternally long feud with Vince and Shane. We get some clips of Unforgiven and the Cell match which was more or less the final destruction of Vince and Shane. The cage is up now. Before they can say much else, Coach comes out to yell at them. He makes a match on behalf of the McMahons.

D-Generation X vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Highlanders/Viscera/Charlie Haas

This is under Texas Tornado rules. Everyone rushes the ring and are pretty easily dispatched. This is exactly what you would expect: DX dominates and barely breaks a sweat. Top rope elbow hits Charlie, Chin Music, Pedigree, done in about two and a half minutes.

Coach says this isn’t over yet. HHH says they’re throwing him out and taking over.

Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro vs. Jeff Hardy

Nitro is defending. JR gives us a factoid about Melina: she likes three way sex. Well you can’t say he beats around the…..never mind. Nitro controls to start but Jeff comes back with a quick Twist attempt. Melina tries to distract Jeff but only gets him to dive on Johnny as we take a break. Back with Nitro holding a reverse chinlock. During the break the slingshot dropkick from Hardy missed to give the champion control.

Jeff fights up but misses the Whisper in the Wind. Nitro stomps away in the corner and Jeff hits the post. Dang Melina can scream. Off to a surfboard submission and Jeff is in trouble. Jeff comes back with a mule kick and then a second one as Nitro is in some trouble very quickly. Whisper in the Wind gets two and Nitro heads to the floor. A baseball slide sets up the railing run and Melina gets taken out too. They both go up, resulting in Jeff backdropping him off the top and hitting the Swanton for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here as both guys were still young and fast. It was clear that Jeff was going to be the bigger deal than his brother and that Nitro was going to be a decent sized star himself and this was a good example of that. Nothing great here but a title change is always cool to see.

Speaking of title changes, here’s a clip of the initial MITB cash-in to pump up the main event tonight.

DX harasses Coach through his locker room door.

Next week is the Raw Family Reunion.

Maria is with Jeff who says everyone is gunning for him. This turns into a discussion of Extreme Strip Poker on ECW. Melina comes in and screams for awhile until Jeff covers her mouth for a big pop.

Coach is on the phone with Vince who wants Coach to go to the ring. He opens his door really carefully and this is coming off like a BAD horror movie. Coach walks for awhile but stops when he sees HHH in front of him. He goes back the way he came and Shawn is waiting on him. I kid you not: a knockoff version of the theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly comes on, A FREAKING TUMBLEWEED ROLLS BY, and Coach runs into the women’s locker room. DX goes in with HHH being excited and Shawn covering his eyes.

HHH stops to flirt but Shawn pulls him through a door. Coach runs through another door and finds Big Dick Johnson dancing. Coach runs out and trips over a mop bucket, allowing DX to catch up to him. They stalk him out the door and ram his head into the production truck, because that’s how nice they are. They put him in a rolling trash bin and have a janitor throw garbage on him. This ate up like 6 minutes and was either really funny or REALLY stupid, depending on your tastes.

Clip of Cena winning the title back at the Rumble.

DX comes in to talk to the Spirit Squad and there’s a new dress code in effect, according to HHH, “by the orders of Mr. John Laurinitis,” complete with an imitation of him. They have new outfits for the Squad.

Umaga vs. Snitsky

This is when Umaga is still an unstoppable monster. He has a loser leaves Raw match next week with Kane. Power brawl to start with Snitsky getting a jumping shoulder block, but falling prey to a Samoan Drop. The running hip attack in the corner (IT’S UMAGA’S MOVE JOSH, NOT RIKISHI’S!!!) sets up the Spike for the quick pin. Squash. Umaga wouldn’t lose until January when Cena beat him.

Orton isn’t worried about Carlito. That takes him a minute or two to say.

Video on The Marine. That movie sucked but the girl looked great. Cena did his own stunts apparently.

Randy Orton vs. Carlito

This is a rematch from Unforgiven where Carlito tried a double springboard dive but Orton caught him in an RKO to end it. Carlito was in one of the biggest pushes of his career at this point but it was dying quickly. Orton starts off fast and sends Carlito into the post and out to the floor. Back in he does it again and Carlito is in trouble. Carlito comes back with a rana but Orton hits a single arm DDT for two. The arm work keeps going so Carlito comes back with a jumping back elbow. A springboard spinning senton gets two. Another springboard cross body is rolled through with Orton pulling the tights for the pin.

Rating: D. This was really boring with the arm work going on for awhile but not meaning anything at all. Carlito’s push was more or less done after this as Orton would team up with Edge in two weeks to form Rated RKO. Not the worst match ever, but did anyone care about Carlito? As in like EVER?

Edge cost Cena the world title at One Night Stand.

The Spirit Squad doesn’t want to wear the outfits. DX threatens to strip them of the tag titles because DX has that authority now. HHH: “Those guys are so gay.”

Cryme Tyme video on a cop having a doughnut. JTG slaps the coffee into his face. We get a chase around a fence so it’s agility training. Uh…yeah.

Nicky vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Nicky is more famous as Nick Nemeth, who is more famous as Dolph Ziggler. The Squad is in female cheerleader outfits. One of them has skid marks. Can we get this over with already? Why is Sarge in this? Sarge makes fun of them and the beating begins. He hooks the Cobra Clutch and spanks Nicky. A gutbuster gets two.

Sarge pounds on him in the corner but Nicky whips him in and SARGE DOES HIS OVER THE CORNER BUMP!!! HE’S 58 YEARS OLD HERE!!! That was insane!!! Nicky hooks a sleeper back inside which gets him nowhere. A modified Codebreaker gets two and Nicky works on the arm. DX pops up for a distraction and Sarge rolls him up for the pin. Too short to rate but DANG that bump was impressive.

Edge won the title back on an episode of Raw.

The Marine is premiering at a Marine base.

Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Mickie James vs. Victoria

DX says they have to fight in lingerie. I’m not complaining. Trish retired as champion so we need a new champion. They slug it out in the corner with Victoria taking over. Mickie comes back with right hands and a rana attempt but it gets countered into a Boston Crab. That doesn’t get anywhere so they tumble to the floor. Back in Mickie wins with a sunset flip. This went nowhere.

Cena and Edge fought again on SNME with Lita cheating to keep the belt on Edge.

We get some clips from an interview with Eric Bischoff about his book.

Bischoff and Masters are in the back when DX pops up for a book plug. Their words, not mine. He says DX was an NWO ripoff and that’s that. Eric leaves and HHH asks Masters if he wants to write a book. Masters says he’s thinking about it and HHH says “What are you going to call it? How To Lose 50 Pounds In Four Weeks?” That’s a steroids reference in case you didn’t get it. They laugh afterwards.

Cena and Edge also had a match at Summerslam. You may be noticing a pattern here. Edge won with brass knuckles.

The cage is lowered.

Then Cena won the title in a TLC match at Unforgiven, which gets us here.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

In a cage. Just in case the videos they’ve given you all week haven’t been enough of a build, Edge also caused Cena to get beaten up by Booker and his crew. This gets big match intros which is certainly should. You can win by pinfall, submission or escape. Cena has a bad arm so Edge gets in what he can on it. That doesn’t work at all so Cena suplexes him for two. Edge goes back to the arm but walks into a belly to back suplex for two.

Cena whips Edge into the corner where he tries to climb out but Cena slams him off for two. FU is countered into an Edge-O-Matic for two. Off to an armbar which is quickly broken. Cena takes him down and goes up but Edge hits the arm again to knock him off the rope. A spear puts Cena into the cage but Edge can’t follow up. They both go up and Cena bulldogs him off the top as we take a break.

Back with Edge working on the arm but walking into a belly to belly suplex for two. A Canadian spinwheel kick takes Cena down but he can’t follow up. A delayed cover gets two. Edge goes for the door but Cena saves, only to get kicked in his arm. Now the arm goes into the cage and Edge goes for a climb. Cena goes after him and they slug it out while sitting on the top of the cage. John drops to the top rope and pulls Edge back in by the leg.

Edge suplexes Cena off the top rope and they’re both down again. The challenger covers for two and Cena starts his comeback with one arm. He loads up the FU but Edge grabs the cage to counter and rams Cena’s head into it. Cena tries it again and they go up the ropes, only for Edge to drop down and hit an electric chair drop for two. Edge goes for the door but Cena saves him.

Lita throws a chair in through the door to Edge before the cage is shut and gets ejected for it. Time for a slugout, resulting in Edge clotheslining the referee. Edge gets the chair and misses a shot to Cena’s head that would have killed him. Cena responds by killing Edge with an even bigger chair shot. There’s the STFU but there’s no referee. Cade and Murdoch run in for no apparent reason other than for DX to come in for the save. They take Cena out and drag him to the door but yep, here’s DX for the save. Shawn superkicks Murdoch into the door, which rams into Edge’s head. FU keeps the title on Cena.

Rating: B. This was a TV match and that makes the rating go up. The ending is really stupid because it’s all about DX again. Other than that, this was solid enough for a supershow main event. Cena vs. Edge was one of the most played out feuds in forever though and it got pretty dull over time, especially when it was clear Edge was never going to get the clean win over John. Still good though.

Overall Rating: B. Like I said, this was the supershow since there was a two month gap between Raw PPVs. The main event is solid and we got to see the IC Title change hands which is always cool. Not the best supershow they’ve ever done, but it’s certainly a fun Raw and bigger than most of their shows. DX was in full overkill here but thankfully Rated RKO would form soon to give them something to do.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 26, 2012
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show before Wrestlemania so I wouldn’t expect much in ring action tonight. They’re probably worried about potential injuries and that’s completely understandable. This is usually the least interesting show of the year and that’s ok because they have the biggest show of the year in less than a week. Let’s get to it.

Rock and Cena square off face to face tonight.

Booker T is here for commentary as well. They’re taping some matches for Smackdown tonight as well so that’s why he’s in the house.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan/Kane

Now there’s a different kind of heel team. Bryan kisses AJ before the match, making me very jealous of him. He starts with Orton who takes him down quickly for the circle stomp. Bryan comes back with some kicks and the moonsault out of the corner. Not that it matters as Orton takes him down with a clothesline for two. Off to Sheamus so Bryan bails out to Kane. This would be a pretty awesome pairing if it was 13 years ago for Kane.

They slug it out with Sheamus hitting a knee lift but Kane hits an elbow. Sheamus goes up for the top rope shoulder for two. Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross but goes after Bryan instead. Kane knocks him to the floor and Bryan hits the knee from the apron to take Sheamus down. We take a break and come back with Bryan holding Sheamus in a headlock. Everything breaks down quickly with Orton coming in and cleaning house. Kane gets rammed into the post but Bryan hits a baseball slide to take Orton out. Back in and Kane pounds on the now hurt Orton.

He hooks on a chinlock and then adds his side slam for two. Kane goes up and hits his clothesline before calling for the chokeslam. Orton snaps off a dropkick to block it and it’s a double tag to bring in Sheamus and Bryan. Sheamous pounds him down and hits the Irish Curse. The good guys knock Kane to the floor and Orton follows. RKO on the floor is countered and Orton goes into the post. AJ gets in the way of the Brogue Kick and Sheamus gets crotched. Kane chokeslams Sheamus and Bryan pins him at 11:40.

Rating: C. Just a standard main event tag here, but I’m not sure on Bryan getting the pin. Why have Sheamus look weak going into the title match when he hasn’t gotten a one up yet on Bryan? I think I get what they’re going for here but I would have had Sheamus get the pin on Bryan, if nothing else to give him some more momentum.

We get a clip from last year’s Mania with Rock hitting the Rock Bottom on Cena. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing about a thousand of these tonight.

Jerry talks about the Battle of the GM’s and Cole is in the ring in a Team Johnny shirt. He’s the official announcer of Johnny’s team. Here’s the team namesake who announces Vickie as the official flag bearer. Booker introduces Teddy who introduces

David Otunga vs. Santino Marella

Santino grabs a headlock to start but Otunga runs him over with a shoulder. Otunga runs him over again and grabs the Team Ace flag. Horny comes in and it’s a battle of the flags. This lets Santino load up the Cobra after Otunga hits himself in the head with the flag pole. Cobra ends this at 1:30. Tully Blanchard, Magnum TA, Chris Benoit, Santino Marella ladies and gentlemen.

Teddy and Santino abuse Ace post match, but Miz runs in to break up the Cobra, officially joining Team Ace. Johnny calls it Team Teddy but then corrects himself, because expecting him to remember his own name is too much for him in one take. No word on who the sixth man on Team Teddy is yet.

Rock and Cena challenge each other the night after Mania. I still don’t get why the Corre interfered.

Long video on HHH vs. Undertaker with Shawn on the side. Again I have to ask: they do know that HHH lost last year right?

Eve Torres vs. Kelly Kelly

Eve controls to start but ducks her head so Kelly can do her screaming headscissors. Moonsault misses and Kelly rolls her up for the pin at 2:31. Yes they gave it that much time.

Rock and Cena teamed together at Survivor Series. Still so stupid.

Christian vs. CM Punk

Before the match, Jericho pops up on screen and says he has some new information. Punk’s mom has no vices, but Punk was born before his parents were married, making him the definition of a bastard. Christian jumps Punk and lays him out, sending him to the floor. I never heard a bell so I don’t know if this is the match or not.

Punk goes off on Christian, ramming his head into the table and hitting the high kick followed by a TON of elbows to the side of his head. There’s a GTS onto the steps followed by an Anaconda Vice. Psycho Punk is working for me. Referees come outt o break it up but Punk jumps over them and puts the hold on again. No match obviously.

Video on Axxess.

Christian may have reinjured his neck so there’s a chance he won’t be at Mania.

Brodus Clay vs. Curt Hawkins

I really hope Brodus is the last member of Team Teddy. He needs something to do. Hawkins takes Brodus down at the knee and hits a bulldog for one. Jerry keeps calling him Curtis. Headbutt to the stomach and a right hand to the same place set up a knee lift, the t-bone suplex and What The Funk ends this at 1:08.

Rock and Cena have had a war of words. This is confined to the last month or so.

Big Show vs. Primo

Christian is officially out of the GM match on Sunday. Chokeslam ends this in 47 seconds. This is my big complaint with WWE lately: why did this need to be one of the tag champions? Why in the world could this not be say, JTG?

Cody comes out and makes fun of Big Show post match. You know the drill here I’m sure.

Lord Tensai is coming.

The Bellas argue about Johnny vs. Teddy. Ryder comes up and gets on their nerves. They leave and Eve comes up. She sweet talks him again and asks what hotel Ryder will be at. She invites him for a visit after Wrestlemania.

Punk says ask Christian how he’s feeling. What Jericho said about his father is true, but the stuff about his sister and mom isn’t. He’s not a bastard. He’s the best wrestler in the world. Big pop for that.

Great Khali vs. Mark Henry

Drew McIntyre is replacing Christian. Both GM’s distract their opponents. Khali chops him a lot but the World’s Strongest Slam ends this in 50 seconds.

Post match Ace throws Teddy in to Henry and waves out Team Johnny to block the entrance. Henry takes forever to do anything until Kofi breaks through, using part of Team Teddy for a springboard….and he jumps right into the World’s Strongest Slam to take him out. World’s Strongest Slam to Teddy is loaded up but Booker makes the save. So he’s the last member of Team Teddy? Seriously? With EVERYONE they could pick, Booker T is the last member? He accepts the spot and we get a Spinarooni.

Here’s Rock for the final sell for Wrestlemania. Rock talks about how ever since Wrestlemania XX, everyone has asked him when he’s coming back. He was told to drop his pants, turn his head and cough, then asked when he’s coming back. Then he told his dentist that he wasn’t dropping his pants. His dentist is freaky that way. Betty White offered him pie for the answer and he declined.

It was last year at Wrestlemania in Georgia (pop) when he decided. The next night he knew he had to do it and it was because of the people. There’s only one man that the millions want to see Rock face and that’s John Cena. Mostly heat on Cena after the name drop there. Rock talks about how Rock’s last Wrestlemania match was the same night as Cena’s first, and since then Cena has become a huge star. However, he’s never faced anyone like the Rock.

Cue Cena who says that Rock is half right: Rock is never going to face someone like Cena. Rock may be the best trash talker ever, because he brought Cena’s mom into things. He may be a great trash talker, but he’s not the first. There was a ten year gap in which everyone has talked trash about John Cena. The fans start the dueling chant (Rock isn’t mentioned) and Cena says the words of the chant. Everyone has turned their back on the WWE Universe, except Cena, who rises above and wins.

That right there is what gets to the fans that hate Cena: they give him their best and he keeps coming. As much as they hate him, they know he’s going to win at Wrestlemania. He knows they hate it, but they know it’s true. Cena has some stats for Rock. Cena has been in the WWE longer than Rock. Rock was here during the Attitude Era when things were awesome, but Cena was here when it wasn’t cool to be a WWE Superstar. He’s the one that beats the WWE drum and says he loves to be here. No matter how much you hear it, everyone knows he means it.

That’s why Cena has to win on Sunday. No matter what happens, Rock is staring in G.I. Joe this summer. It’s going to make him an even bigger star. But after Wrestlemania, the WWE is still Cena’s life. Rock is just standing there taking all this. Cena says he’s not going to let a visitor come in here and take his life from him. Cena has to win because no one remembers second place. This is all he’s got and he has to win it.

Now Rock says that it’s important to Cena. Cena was talking about the people. Rock isn’t a visitor to WWE. He built this house that Cena lives in now. Rock says the fans know that there’s never been an opponent Cena can’t overcome….until now. The fans know that Rock has come back to beat Cena. No one has ever been able to say that he’s walked into Wrestlemania and beaten Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and John Cena. Rock needs to beat Cena to become the best of all time. That’s on a professional level.

On a personal level, Rock just doesn’t like him. In six days, Rock is going to give Cena the beating of a lifetime and everyone knows it. Cena says that’s a fine speech, but it doesn’t matter what the Rock thinks. He’s going to put this in terms Rock can understand. On April 1, Rock will be able to see Cena, because he’ll be the one standing over Rock with his hand raised. And that’s it.

Overall Rating: C+. Here’s the thing: if you came into this show expecting ANYTHING but a big commercial for Wrestlemania, I have no idea what’s wrong with you but you missed the point. This was all about hyping the show and the wrestling was there as an afterthought. However, this was much more entertaining than most of the Raws like this over the last few years, because there was ONE match to point towards. Even HHH vs. Taker (where were they anyway?) pales in comparison to Rock vs. Cena. I could see how people would find this boring, and I’d say they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Results
Daniel Bryan/Kane b. Sheamus/Randy Orton – Bryan pinned Sheamus after a chokeslam from Kane
Santino Marella b. David Otunga – Cobra
Kelly Kelly b. Eve Torres – Rolling Cradle
Brodus Clay b. Curt Hawkins – What The Funk
Big Show b. Primo – Chokeslam
Mark Henry b. Great Khali – World’s Strongest Slam

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