Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2018
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

^{In the back, Braun leaves while threatening security.}

Raw moment: Hugh Jackman is guest host.

Post break, a security guard orders Strowman to leave and the destruction is on. Braun promises to do even more.

The Bar vs. Titus Worldwide

Post break, Strowman wrecks catering and chokeslams Curt Hawkins through a table. He does however take a piece of chocolate cake from a nearly catatonic worker. I can appreciate a man with a taste for some cake and Strowman as the unstoppable monster is fun.

Tony Nese vs. Cedric Alexander

Angle is thinking about calling in a SWAT team but is told Strowman is heading towards the production trucks.

Tom Phillips replaces Cole on commentary.

Nia Jax vs. Asuka

Alexa Bliss comes out to check on Nia.

The announcers talk about Martin Luther King Day.

Video on Martin Luther King.

Revival vs. ???/???

Roman Reigns vs. Miztourage

Sasha Banks vs. Sonya Deville

The rest of Absolution, Bayley and Mickie James are at ringside. As we get started, Paige is officially ruled out of the Royal Rumble. Nothing is mentioned beyond that though. A very early Bank Statement attempt send Deville bailing to the ropes but Mandy offers a distraction so Sonya can get in a few shots.

Some wrestlers were at the National Civil Rights Museum last week.

Matt Hardy vs. Heath Slater

Royal Rumble rundown.

Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins

Balor is rather shaken up and the camera stays on him for a long time to end the show.

Results

Titus Worldwide b. The Bar – Rollup to Sheamus

Cedric Alexander b. Tony Nese – Lumbar Check

Asuka b. Nia Jax via referee stoppage

Revival b. ???/??? – Shatter Machine

Roman Reigns b. Miztourage – Spear to Axel

Sonya Deville b. Sasha Banks – Kick to the chest

Matt Hardy b. Heath Slater – Twist of Fate

Seth Rollins b. Finn Balor – Blackout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 11, 2003
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

The slow crawl towards Summerslam continues and now we have an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw main event. Why anyone would want that is beyond me, but we also have Shane McMahon as the big hero of the show, fighting off the evil monster known as Kane. Other than that though, the show is looking pretty rough. Let’s get to it.

On a side note, the show is now officially airing on SpikeTV instead of TNN.

Opening sequence.

Some pyro goes off signaling the network now being called SpikeTV. It’s a better name and at least they don’t waste any time on it.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to brag about beating Shane last week, even having Lillian Garcia announce him as the winner again. After looking at a clip of the ending, Eric sucks up to the McMahon Family, calling Linda a “big breasted mature woman”. The only member he doesn’t respect is Shane, who is only here because of his last name. Shane is the Frank Sinatra Jr. of WWE (I’m hoping that’s a topical joke because otherwise it’s really just bad).

Instead here’s the perfectly fine looking (save for a limp) JR to interrupt and mock Bischoff for throwing his weight around. He understands how important Kane is to this company though, which is why he’s only going to sue Bischoff. Eric immediately fires Coach from his commentary spot so JR can have his spot back but here’s Austin with a clipboard to interrupt.

After shaking JR’s hand, Austin says he has a contract drawn up to help settle some differences. Austin whispers something to JR and then gets to the point: JR won’t sue if Bischoff has a match tonight. Bischoff turns down a match with Shane so JR tells him to call a lawyer. That’s enough to convince Eric to sign…..a contract to face Kane tonight. Read the contract buddy.

So yeah, after watching last week’s show focusing on Bischoff wrestling, the next week’s show is the exact same thing. Let me guess: Lawler is going to be elated over this all night long. Also, Kane unmasked on June 23, took out Rob Van Dam, lit JR on fire, tombstoned Linda, and this is going to be his first actual match. After all that work building him up, they haven’t actually done anything with him aside from using him as a chess piece in a story involving Bischoff.

The problem right now is between Austin, Bischoff, JR, Kane, Shane and Van Dam, I’m not sure what the big story is. In theory it’s Kane vs. Shane down the line, but first we have to get through Kane vs. Van Dam. Rob would have been a good first victim a few weeks back, but that never even started.

Then there’s the Bischoff part, which doesn’t really have an interesting payoff other than Shane beating him up. Kane has been a monster for over a month now and we’re STILL waiting on him to have anything to do in the ring. Oh but Kevin Nash, who was feuding with Test for a little while, is getting a World Title match. Makes perfect sense.

Stacy Keibler/Scott Steiner vs. Rico/Miss Jackie

….what? If this is the option that made it to TV, what in the world was considered too bad to make it onto the show? Jackie watches Rico as he gets in ala Scott watching Stacy. Rico poses to start so Steiner forearms him in the head, followed by the spinning belly to belly. The pushup elbow gets two and it’s off to Jackie for the….showdown? Actually Stacy has to come in and egads this could be a nightmare.

They trade slaps until it’s the pinfall reversal sequence for exactly the reason you would expect. Stacy gets two off a spinning kick to the face but Rico knees her in the back. A double clothesline puts both of them down but here’s Test to jump Steiner. Rico snaps Stacy’s throat over the top, leaving Jackie to drop a leg for the pin.

Rating: F. Well of course it was to set up more Steiner vs. Test. Rico and Jackie were somehow the better option here with Stacy not being anything resembling a wrestler and Jackie looking at least somewhat improved from last year (hard not to be but indeed better). The problem here of course is still Steiner vs. Test, which has been going on for over three months now and hasn’t yet begun to be anything interesting. It needs to be dropped and both of them need to move on (perhaps to the unemployment line), though I’m kind of scared to know what could replace them.

Post match Test says this needs to end and wants to fight Steiner next week with Stacy on the line again. Stacy accepts in a hurry.

Flair doesn’t want to face Goldberg tonight because he’s out there all alone due to Evolution being barred from ringside. HHH basically ignores the whole thing and talks about the Elimination Chamber. Orton promises that he’ll retain because it’s the two of them against four guys.

Kane arrives in the police van.

Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

Non-title. Brawl to start until Dupree hits D-Von with the American flag for the DQ in about thirty seconds.

Post match the American flag is broken and La Resistance drinks French wine.

Goldust comes up to Molly Holly (such a random pairing) in the back to say she likes gold too. Therefore, he has someone he’d like her to meet. Someone who is truly NOT boring. This brings in Lance Storm in Goldust paint and wig. Storm pulls out cue card, complete with the Tourette’s Syndrome jokes. Molly leaves and Storm says this isn’t working. Not to worry Goldust says, because they have sausages and midgets waiting on them. That’s the second or third midgets joke in a week.

Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash get in a not very heated argument over who is winning the title. Goldberg comes in and sets them straight but the two of them make threats. It’s cute when Nash and Michaels pretend they’re anything more than filler in that match.

Here’s Intercontinental Champion Christian for a chat. That’s not an error as Christian, who comes out to Booker T.’s entrance, won the title from Booker last night at a house show. Somehow that would be Booker’s only title reign. You really would expect him to pick up the title again at some point but it was just the one time. As for tonight, Christian has found the perfect opponent for his first title defense, especially since we’re now on SpikeTV.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is challenging in case you’re a bit slow. Christian drops him ribs first across the top rope, followed by a gutbuster to continue the squashification. We hit an abdominal stretch with Christian having to lean down because Spike is so short. The hold is broken without much drama and Spike comes back with a bulldog for two. The running headbutt to the ribs gets two and a top rope double stomp gets the same, this time with Christian needing the ropes to escape. Back up and an Unprettier plants Spike for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. For a match based around the challenger’s first name and nothing else, this could have been a lot worse. Spike can have a good enough match, even if there’s no doubt that he’s losing every single one of them. Christian getting the title back at a house show is still kind of odd but maybe Booker really was hurt. Or they just wanted to throw in a surprise, which works quite well in the right way, especially if it might help drive up house show attendance.

Bischoff tries to suck up to Kane and offers to lay down for him. Kane says they’re doing this his way. Again, this is the best followup they have for Kane’s huge push over the last few weeks.

JR replaces Coach on commentary.

Eric Bischoff vs. Kane

Bischoff lays down and JR is aghast. So now the announcers don’t see what happens in the back? Kane grabs the chokeslam and JR is thrilled but Bischoff is sat back down and Kane walks out for the countout.

Gail Kim says she turned on Trish because no one talked to her when she was champion and she wanted some attention. Fair enough actually.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending. Trish goes to fight Gail on the floor, followed by a Chick Kick to Molly. A Thesz press drops Gail but Molly pulls Trish face first into the apron. The villains double suplex Trish as JR is sounding just like his old self, despite being on commentary against doctors’ orders. Trish gets tied in the Tree of Woe with Molly telling Gail to hit her, only to have Molly ax handle her down and get the pin to retain in a clever finish.

Flair is worried about facing Goldberg with no one helping him tonight. HHH has been talking to Bischoff though and Orton is guest referee. Wouldn’t that likely mean the match, and therefore the beating, is going to go on longer?

Earlier today a little old lady was trying to get across a busy street when Rosey showed up to help her. He explains his name to her and gets hit in the ribs with a grocery bag. Hurricane comes in to say no good deed goes unpunished.

Austin comes in to toast Bischoff’s victory and has a little fine print for him: the winner of Kane vs. Bischoff will face Shane McMahon at some point in the future. That might seem a little convenient, but Austin was in a win/win situation. Shane wanted to fight either guy and Austin would have gotten a good attraction either way. That’s actually logical, even if it seems that they’re stretching quite a bit to get to the ending they want.

Hurricane vs. Rodney Mack

Still no Theodore Long. Rodney shoulders him in the ribs to start and cuts off a charge with a powerslam. Mack dared to mock the Hurricane pose before slapping on a bearhug. Hurricane fights up with a crossbody but can’t hit a chokeslam. Instead he goes with a high crossbody to put Mack away.

Rating: D. So much for Mack, but that was the case after the Goldberg feud anyway. Hurricane is a character who can work very well in certain circumstances and he can wrestle a very solid match, but there’s only so much you can do in a situation like this one. I actually like the team with Rosey, though it’s not something that would have much of a shelf life.

Post match Mack beats Hurricane down until Rosey makes the save. This seems to confuse Hurricane, but to be fair it’s probably confusing to have a 400lb Samoan in a home made superhero costume save you.

Video on the Elimination Chamber.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel. Chris Jericho wants to set the record straight about his hair vs. hair match with Kevin Nash. The rules are very simple: when he beats Nash, Kevin has to shave his head. If Jericho somehow loses though, he’ll shave every bit of hair off his face (meaning eyebrows only) because there’s no way anyone is touching these gorgeous locks. Jericho: “Watch how it cascades around my face as I flick it to and fro.”

Cue Nash with a metal briefcase to talk about how Jericho needs a makeover. Nash asks “Kerwin in the back” to put up some images on the Titantron. Jericho: “ONLY I CAN DO THAT!” Instead we put the clip on the Jeritron 5000, which is a shot of Jericho with his hair changing to various FUNNY styles. Jericho says Nash is funny but what’s going to be funny is eliminating Nash from the Chamber. Then he’ll take the title and put it back around his gorgeous waist.

Nash pulls out some electric clippers and wants an answer on hair vs. hair. Wasn’t that already accepted? After threats of beating him up and cutting his hair right now, Jericho agrees to the match for next week. Nash fights off a cheap shot and hits a side slam before pulling out some gardening sheers. Jericho tries to hide underneath the ring but comes out with a fire extinguisher to blind Nash and bail. I believe Nash had to get his hair cut for a movie so this wasn’t the biggest mystery in the world. At the same time it does add a personal issue to the Chamber and gives the fans a big match to look forward to on Raw.

Summerslam rundown.

Ric Flair vs. Goldberg

Anything goes with Randy Orton as guest referee. Orton slips some brass knuckles to Flair before Goldberg comes out. Flair wastes no time in hitting Goldberg in the jaw for a fast two and a belly to back suplex gets the same. Goldberg is right back up with a gorilla press for the customary extra slow count. A clothesline gets the same, because Goldberg is so well known for going for multiple covers off run of the mill offense.

Goldberg yells at Orton and gets chaired in the back for no effect. Instead it’s a shot to the knee to set up the Figure Four with Orton stomping on Goldberg as he makes the rope. Flair lets go for no apparent reason and stays on the knee but Goldberg spears them both down. Cue Shawn Michaels to superkick Orton, allowing Goldberg to Jackhammer Flair. Shawn grabs Orton’s hand and slaps the mat three times for the pin.

Rating: D. So Goldberg can beat Flair and Orton up at the same time. That’s some good information to know and I’m glad it took them two weeks to establish that fact. Goldberg could have speared Flair down and pinned him clean but why do what works with Goldberg when you can just throw everything together and take away what made Goldberg work in the first place?

Overall Rating: D-. Well it did get better from the Steiner match on but that’s about as much as I can say about this one. The wrestling was a disaster as the big story continues to be the adventures of the battling bosses who can’t actually fight, plus waiting on Kane vs. Shane, which isn’t that thrilling in the first place. Then there’s the Elimination Chamber, which has thrown most of the card into a tailspin. I’m not exactly looking forward to Summerslam at this point and the next few weeks aren’t likely to make things much better.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 8, 2018
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

The big story this week is the return of the Miz, but at the same time we need to have someone to challenge Roman Reigns for the Intercontinental Title now that Samoa Joe has been vanquished. I think you might be getting where I’m hinting: Finn Balor with the Club challenges Reigns for the title. I’ve heard of less interesting ideas. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks back at Reigns defeating Samoa Joe last week. I’m still not sure if that’s the right call.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Reigns for the opening chat. Reigns is surprised that Joe came in so unprepared last week because Roman was fighting for his brother Dean Ambrose. If you mess with one member of the Shield, you mess with all of them. Cue Jason Jordan of all people to say that he feels like something special. After ignoring the YOU BOTH SUCK chants, Jordan implies that he’s part of the Shield now and even does the fist.

This brings out Seth Rollins to say Jordan’s timing is horrible. It’s made clear that he’s not part of the Shield but Jordan says they can fight anyone. Jordan thinks they’re pretty good despite not being the Shield, but Reigns and Rollins aren’t convinced. Neither are Finn Balor and the Club, who interrupt next. They talk about their history together, which started way before Jordan even knew who his daddy was.

Then they came here and did their own thing, all with success. The thing is, they all knew they would come together to take over. They get in the ring with Balor saying this is the year of Balor Club. Jordan laughs them off and says he’d rather be in the Champions’ Club. Gallows calls him a NERD so Jordan goes after him, only to quickly be calmed down. Kurt Angle comes out to make the six man main event. Jordan as the misfit works very well here, but I’m not sure where it goes. Balor vs. Reigns could be some good stuff too, especially if it makes me look smart.

Little Mix is doing the Royal Rumble theme song. That would be an all girl band that my fifteen year old cousin loves. Are they that out of band ideas?

Bayley/Sasha Banks vs. Mandy Rose/Sonya Deville

Mickie James, now official for the Rumble, and Paige are at ringside. Bayley and Mandy get things going with Mandy pulling her down by the hair. Back up and Bayley shoves her out to the floor as the announcers talk about the Rumble (fair enough in this case). We take a break and come back with Sasha hitting the running double knees for two on Mandy.

Sonya offers a distraction though and a good looking jumping knee drops Banks. A comeback is cut off by some hard, rapid right hands to the ribs in one of the first instances of Sonya looking like an MMA fighter for a change. A double clothesline gives Sasha a breather but Mandy breaks up another hot tag attempt. Everything breaks down and the Bank Statement makes Mandy tap at 10:57.

Rating: C-. Pretty standard women’s match here and that’s all it needed to be. They’re keeping Paige looking strong, which is the most important thing they can do at the moment. Mandy and Sonya are just going to be cannon fodder in the Rumble anyway so having Bayley and Sasha get a win over them helps people who need the help and doesn’t harm people who wouldn’t be hurt anyway.

We look back at the ending of last week’s show with Brock Lesnar and Kane brawling.

We look at Cedric Alexander and Goldust teaming up last week.

Goldust is dressed like Mickey from Rocky and gives Cedric one of Mickey’s speeches. Cedric says he has it because he’s fired up enough to win the title tonight. Goldust says the one thing standing in Cedric’s way is Cedric himself. The voice makes Goldust cough before he says tonight is all about Cedric.

Earlier today, Goldust was doing a time lapse video of putting on his makeup when he found out that Alicia Fox will be his partner for the Mixed Match Challenge.

Matt Hardy vs. Curt Hawkins

Before the match, Matt officially enters the Rumble. Matt has his full on Broken entrance, complete with a theme song talking about being Broken. Hawkins tries an armbar but Matt bites his way to freedom. A snap German suplex into the corner has Hawkins in trouble and a missed middle rope crossbody makes things even worse for him. The Side Effect into the Twist of Fate is enough to end Hawkins at 1:55. Matt looked different enough to make the character feel different, which is a good sign for his future.

Post match Bray Wyatt appears behind Matt and a laugh off ensues. Nothing physical goes down.

Here’s Elias with something to sing. The fans boo his guitar playing but Elias says it was good. He’s got a song about Memphis and Elvis but the fans don’t seem too thrilled with him. Elias: “What’s wrong with Elvis???”. He doesn’t care about Elvis though because there’s a star on the way who is taking over the entertainment biz. Elias: “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Miz.” Nice rhyme there.

The Miz, with the Miztourage, is back and ready to brag about his recent accomplishment. The fans welcome him back (along with his much taller hair) but Miz wants to thank the Miztourage for holding things up while he was gone. Dallas says Miz makes every day Mizmas and Dallas thinks having him back feels like winning the Mizzies every single day. Bo even has a present for Miz: a framed photo of Miz himself. Dallas: “It’s going to be hard to get to sleep without that tonight.” Miz: “….what?”

Axel has his own present: the suit jacket that he’s wearing! Dallas offers his watch and Axel tries his shoes but Miz tells them both to sit down. Miz brags about his 2017 and promises to make it even bigger this year. We see a clip of Shield TripleBombing Miz through a table to put him on the shelf two months ago, which of course requires revenge.

Miz says the champion makes the title and daddy is home. In 2018, he’s celebrating the birth of his daughter and become the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. He’s back for the title and you can believe that. This was the most serious Miz has been on the main roster in a long time and it feels like he’s been elevated a bit, which is long overdue.

Balor Club tries to talk strategy for tonight but Anderson and Gallows would rather make Japan references. They agree to make 2018 the year of Balor Club.

Cruiserweight Title: Enzo Amore vs. Cedric Alexander

Enzo is defending. Before the match, Enzo talks about missing last week’s show but being taken care of by Nia Jax. Last week he was in the hospital and watched the show, which included the Zo Train facing Cedric and Goldust. Then Enzo got it: they were teaming so Cedric can get close to gold, because he’s not winning the title.

Cedric drops him with a single right hand, followed by a kick to the head to really drop Enzo. We see Nia Jax watching in the back as Enzo is pulled away from the ropes to keep Enzo in trouble. Enzo knocks him off the top in a heap though and Cedric is holding his back as we take a break.

Back with Enzo grabbing a chinlock but getting dropkicked out of the air for his efforts. Cedric fights back with some clotheslines followed by the Neuralizer. Another kick sets up a big flip dive but Enzo comes up screaming about his ankle. He’s busted open too as the trainer comes over to check on him but that’s a countout at 8:50.

Rating: D+. He better have a broken ankle at this point as it would get the title off of him. It’s good to have the title match over and Cedric is likely to get a rematch, but they desperately need something fresh in this division. There’s only so much you can do with waiting on another title match for so long but at the same time you can’t have Enzo actually wrestle that often because there’s nothing he can do in the ring.

Post break Enzo is in the trainer’s room when Nia comes to check on him.

Angle is on the phone with some legendary female wrestler about a spot in the Rumble but has to go when the Bar comes in. They want their rematch for the titles and aren’t happy with the six man tag main event. Sheamus claims favoritism but Angle makes the title match at the Rumble. That’s cool with them and Angle gives them a match against some surprise competition tonight. The two of them leave and Miz comes in to brag about his upcoming reality series along with Maryse. Miz wants his rematch for the Intercontinental Title at the 25^th anniversary of Raw. Angle thinks it’s a good idea and the match is set.

Earlier today, Miz found out that Asuka will be his partner for the Mixed Match Challenge.

Alexa Bliss comes in to see Asuka and threatens her with Nia Jax. It’s as short as it sounds.

The Bar vs. Titus Worldwide

Sheamus knocks Titus around to start before it’s off to Crews for a dropkick on Cesaro. The standing moonsault gets two but Apollo is sent outside, seeming to bang up his knee in the process. Back in and Sheamus grabs a wristlock as Dana Brooke plays cheerleader. Crews gets over for the tag and the beatdown continues as everything breaks down. Apollo dodges a Brogue Kick by moonsaulting onto Cesaro, allowing Titus to roll Sheamus up for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: D. Uh, sure? I’m glad to see Crews getting a win for once but this feels like a way to have Sheamus and Cesaro come back and crush them in a rematch as we get closer to the Rumble. The match was nothing to see as it was all about the surprise, which certainly worked, though I’m not exactly ready to put Titus Worldwide in the title hunt.

Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar to talk about old school. The thing is, this is a progressive industry where you need fresh ways to present the ideas to the audience and the general public. They’ve gotten away from the old school way of promoting a Universal Title match (oh come on), which was all about finding a challenger who could possibly pin or tap out a champion.

Now the Universal Title is marketed as how could Brock survive this time. Even Lesnar thinks it sucks. At the Rumble, it’s Brock vs. monster #1 and monster #2 but the only cliffhanger is who Lesnar will pin. Heyman knows no one can beat this man and that’s all that matters. Lesnar goes up the ramp but here’s Kane for the fight.

They fight into the back where Braun Strowman shows up and runs them both over. Brock is thrown into a wall where a big case falls on him. Strowman throws another case onto Kane (that is some scary power) before pulling out….a grappling hook? He attaches it to a big old piece of the set and pulls it down onto both guys for a huge crash, sending Heyman and everyone else behind him into fits of screams. That was quite the set piece and my goodness it should have killed them both. Worry not though, as I’m sure Lesnar will be just fine to lose to Reigns in New Orleans.

I know that’s harped on but it’s the problem with the entire Universal Title picture. Why should I even possibly buy that Strowman, who Lesnar has already beaten, or Kane (because HA) is going to take the title at the Rumble? Even if they do, there’s no way they’re defending it at Wrestlemania because that’s Reigns’ spot and everyone knows it. I know it sounds lame but that’s what goes through my head every time I see anything related to the title.

Post break, Brock was taken out on a stretcher while Kane was allowed to walk away on his own. Well limp away but you get the idea. Lesnar didn’t want to go to the hospital but went anyway.

Samoa Joe vs. Rhyno

Joe starts fast with an enziguri in the corner and a headbutt cuts off Rhyno’s comeback. More right hands give Rhyno a breather until an STO cuts him off. A running big boot into the backsplash gives Joe two, followed by the Koquina Clutch to make Rhyno tap at 2:44. Short and to the point with Joe looking dominant, as he should.

Post match Joe says he’s taken years off of Reigns’ career and the cracks are starting to show. When everything comes crashing down, he’ll be there to pick up the pieces. As for now though, he’s entering the Royal Rumble. Joe is ready for everyone, including John Cena, which is a name that he’ll never forget.

Alexa sucks up to Nia again, this time saying that Enzo might be holding her back. Nia says Enzo motivates her to be a champion so she’s entering the Royal Rumble. She’s Alexa’s favorite to win but thinks Nia should take Asuka out first. Nia doesn’t buy it but Alexa stays on the “Asuka is talking about you” train. Nia: “CAN IT BLISS!”

Alexa whispers something that Asuka said in Nia’s ear and Nia can’t believe Asuka said that….because Asuka doesn’t speak English and Bliss doesn’t speak Japanese. If you ignore the times that Asuka has spoken English, there’s nothing wrong with this segment. Like, EARLIER TONIGHT WHEN SHE TALKED TO MIZ ABOUT THE MIXED MATCH CHALLENGE FOR EXAMPLE!!!

Announced for the 25^th anniversary show: Steve Austin! Ric Flair! The Undertaker! Shawn Michaels! THE BELLA TWINS!

Asuka comes out for a match but Nia shows up and lays her out.

Royal Rumble card rundown.

Asuka vs. Nia is set for next week.

Balor Club vs. Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan

Balor and Rollins start things off with Balor scoring off an early double stomp. It’s off to Anderson in a hurry but Reigns tags himself in so house can be cleaned in a hurry, including a double shoulder to Balor. Back from a break with Reigns working over Balor until a Sling Blade cuts him off. Gallows and Anderson take over in the corner with Luke grabbing a chinlock. Anderson drops a knee and puts on a chinlock of his own.

Back up and Reigns gets in a clothesline to drop Anderson but Gallows won’t give up the hot tag. The third chinlock goes on but Reigns no sells a big boot and scores with a Superman Punch. The hot tag brings in Rollins for the Blockbuster, followed by a Sling Blade on Anderson. Gallows breaks up the Wind-Up knee and Anderson’s spinebuster gets two.

Rollins makes the tag to Reigns but Jordan distracts the referee by mistake so Rollins stays legal. A Magic Killer plants Rollins so Reigns goes outside to fight two on one. Jordan tries to help Rollins up, allowing Balor to hit the shotgun dropkick. The Coup de Grace gives Balor the pin at 15:28.

Rating: C-. The chinlockery hurt this a lot but I’m not sure anyone was expecting this to be any more than another wedge between Jordan and company, which is all it needed to be. That team isn’t going to hold together that much longer and it makes sense to have them split up just in time for the Rumble.

Post match Miz and the Miztourage come in to attack Rollins, Jordan and Reigns. Roman takes a Skull Crushing Finale and the TripleBomb to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a storytelling show and, aside from the part where they couldn’t remember the clip they aired earlier in the night where Asuka spoke English, they accomplished that goal. They’re getting stuff set up for both the big anniversary show (which could be a blast) and the Rumble (which should be a blast). The wrestling tonight wasn’t the point but that’s often the case around this time of year. Not a great show but one that did its job, which is often more important.

Results

Bayley/Sasha Banks b. Mandy Rose/Sonya Deville – Bank Statement to Rose

Matt Hardy b. Curt Hawkins – Twist of Fate

Cedric Alexander b. Enzo Amore via countout

Titus Worldwide b. The Bar – Rollup to Sheamus

Samoa Joe b. Rhyno – Koquina Clutch

Balor Club b. Roman Reigns/Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins – Coup de Grace to Rollins

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 14, 2000
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 13,300
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is on my request list and I’m actually making an effort to clear the thing out a little bit. We’re coming up on No Way Out 2000, meaning HHH is still trying to fend off Cactus Jack, who wants to fight him inside the Cell. I’m really not sure why this show was requested but it’s a good time for the company with the Radicalz freshly on the roster. Let’s get to it.

If you’re not familiar with this time, I’ve already done the February 7 show, which you can check out here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/08/17/monday-night-raw-february-7-2000-this-show-is-so-excellent-i-dont-have-a-catchy-title-for-it/

Also of note: this aired at 11pm due to the Westminster Dog Show. It still flattened Nitro.

Opening sequence.

I miss that pyro. But hey, we need to cut every cost ever right?

Here are the freshly heel Radicalz (with Eddie’s wrecked arm in a sling) for a chat but they’re cut off by fellow heels DX. Stephanie, far before she had the confidence to back up her voice, tells us to listen up and then shut up. We see a clip from Smackdown of Kane attacking his ex-girlfriend Tori.

Stephanie blames the fans for egging Kane on because it was their reactions that made him tombstone her. If it’s suffering the people want, it’s suffering they’ll get tonight. HHH is tired of people accusing them of being too light on their adversaries so tonight, the real punishment begins. They’ll start with Too Cool, including Grandmaster Sexay vs. Road Dogg and Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Billy Gunn. That brings him to Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn, who will go 2-1 against Rikishi. The only one left is Rock, who gets to face Chris Benoit.

With everyone else out of the way, HHH thinks Kane needs to learn about respect for women. Kane needs to learn that women are his equal and he can’t chokeslam them, even if he doesn’t quite have the X Factor to please a woman like Tori. Therefore, to teach him a lesson, it’s going to be Kane vs. X-Pac in a no holds barred match at No Way Out. X-Pac isn’t happy but HHH has a stipulation: to get X-Pac, Kane has to beat HHH and a mystery partner in a No DQ match tonight. Cue all the good guys mentioned here to clean house.

Edge vs. D-Von Dudley vs. Jeff Hardy

The winner’s team gets a Tag Team Title shot at No Way Out. Edge and Jeff get together for some Poetry in Motion on D-Von as Bubba yells at JR about putting BB (a woman who wasn’t around very long) through a table. D-Von fights back and drops an elbow on Jeff for two, only to have Edge missile dropkick both of them down.

The partners try to get involved but it’s Bubba getting suplexed on the floor for his efforts. The announcers get Jeff and Matt confused (I did the same for years) as Jeff hits a Twist of Fate into the Swanton for two on D-Von. Edge spears Jeff down but gets caught in the reverse implant DDT to give D-Von the fast pin.

Rating: D+. This was just a means to an end but it’s still kind of weird to see D-Von in a singles match. The Dudleys were still pretty new around this point but it was time for them to move up the ranks in a hurry. The tag division was about to take off and this was one of the first major steps to get us there.

Mark Henry and Mae Young get a hotel suite for Valentine’s Day and make it the honeymoon suite, much to the desk clerk’s shock and awe.

Road Dogg vs. Grandmaster Sexay

Dogg breaks up the rather lengthy dancing but gets caught in what would become known as the Skull Crushing Finale for his efforts. Back in and Dogg gets to do some dancing, only to charge into a boot in the corner. A bulldog is broken up though as Sexay is crotched in the corner, followed by a running kick to the head for good measure. Sexay is right back up and crotches Dogg on the top to even things out a bit. The Hip Hop Drop misses though and Dogg’s pumphandle slam is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Not much here but what are you expecting from these two in a singles match? There’s a reason that they were put into teams more often than not and that was rather evident here. Dogg was a great talker but once he had to be in the ring, a lot of his talents were exposed in a hurry.

Mark carries Mae over the threshold and we get a Do Not Disturb tag on the door.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman

Godfather does his full entrance and it’s kind of amazing to think this airs on the same show that we see today. In the back, Snow is trying to hypnotize Blackman into having an interesting personality. Godfather offers Blackman the ladies but gets turned down, setting off a HEAD CHEESE chant. Snow and Godfather get things going with Al avoiding a running elbow. A kick to the back cuts Godfather off as Lawler oogles the ladies. Blackman comes in and kicks Brown down but stops to yell at Snow for carousing with the women. The distraction lets Brown get a sunset flip for the pin, giving Snow and Blackman their first loss.

Mark and Mae get romantic with talks of getting into something more comfortable.

Here’s European Champion (and still relative newcomer) Kurt Angle to talk about how much better Europe is since he won the title. The economy is up, suicide rates are down and tourism is up 16.4%. Whereas in America, the stock market has collapsed and towns like San Jose continue to fall into a deeper depression.

Those falls coincide with Chris Jericho becoming Intercontinental Champion so Angle needs to intervene. Therefore, Angle wants a title shot at No Way Out so he can save America. Angle wants Jericho to come out now but when there’s no Chris, Kurt goes into a rant about Chyna being on the Tonight Show in a rather low cut outfit. He was on the Tonight Show after the Olympics but didn’t embarrass himself because of a little thing called the 3 I’s.

Before he can list them off though, here’s Jericho (who has only been around about six months himself) to interrupt. Jericho heard Angle talking about America falling into a depression but all Angle is doing is make America fall asleep. The brawl is on with Jericho getting the better of it until referees break it up. Cue Chyna to DDT Angle on the floor and celebrate with Jericho. Really strong segment here as you could feel the fire from these two young, hungry and talented guys. Once they threw Benoit in, the combinations just never stopped working.

Mark is in bed and Mae comes out in some lingerie. Shall we say, snuggling ensues and Lawler is almost sick in his crown.

Chris Benoit vs. The Rock

Eddie is in Benoit’s corner. They slug it out to start with Benoit hammering away in the corner but getting punched down for his efforts. A swinging neckbreaker gets two but Eddie grabs the foot to give Benoit an opening. Rock’s arm goes into the post and there’s a chair to the back to keep him in trouble. They’re keeping this one pretty simple so far and that’s the right idea with a TV match. It’s certainly better than throwing a pay per view level match for free on Raw with all of a few hours’ build.

Back in and we hit a cross armbreaker on Rock but Benoit lets it go in short order. A belly to back suplex gets two but Rock grabs a DDT. Eddie is up on the apron in short order though and there’s no count. There is a right hand to Eddie’s jaw however, allowing Benoit to slap on the Crossface. JR swears there’s no way out of the hold, naturally just a few seconds before Rock makes the rope.

The Samoan drop puts Benoit down again as Rock continues to just use basic punches and power moves while Benoit comes up with 28 ways to torture you per match. They fight to the floor where Big Show sneaks in (somehow) and knocks Rock into a German suplex for the pin.

Rating: B-. It’s nice to have some good wrestling, even if it has to be interrupted by Big Show. Rock and Benoit always had nice chemistry together and that made for some solid stuff until we got to the storyline ending. Rock is the kind of guy who can wrestle any kind of opponent and make his offense work. Couple that with a submission master and Rock’s good selling and there’s almost no way this could go bad.

Rock gets laid out post match.

Show, still looking muscular, says there’s no way out for Rock at No Way Out. He’s going to Wrestlemania, hallelujah.

Mark and Mae are in bed and it’s time to exchange gifts. Mae gets chocolates and Mark gets….oh good grief I remember this….edible underwear. Thankfully the camera stays up as she puts them on. The lights go off and…..Mark: “TUTTI-FRUITY!” I….yeah move on. TO ANYTHING ELSE!

Billy Gunn vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Gunn, with the appropriate lips on his gear, punches Scotty down in the corner to start. The running bulldog sets up the Worm but since it’s just a chop, Billy is right back up with a Jackhammer. Dogg distracts the referee for no apparent reason though, allowing Grandmaster to get in a right hand to give Scotty the fluke pin.

The Outlaws’ music plays for some reason. Was Too Cool’s not fun enough or something?

Light Heavyweight Title: Crash Holly vs. Essa Rios

Rios is defending here, having won the title last night on Sunday Night Heat in his debut. Also of note, 12 year old KB loved Rios but thought Lita was holding him back. Hardcore sits in on commentary and says this is the start of a move away from being super heavyweights. They trade bouncing armdrags to start until Essa gets two off a tornado DDT. Crash sends him throat first into the ropes and pounds away before missing a charge in the corner. Lita even grabs a hurricanrana on the floor to quite the reaction. Yeah no future for her whatsoever. Back in and the moonsault retains the title.

Lita adds her own moonsault with Rios counting the pin. Ok so I might have been wrong on this one.

Post break the Hollys are still in the ring with Hardcore saying he’s going to show Crash how it’s done.

Hardcore Holly vs. Tazz

Tazz only debuted less than a month ago. Holly jumps him during the entrance and raises a boot in the corner to stop a charge. A powerslam gives Holly two as the announcers talk about gimmicks. Barbecue sauce is NOT a gimmick by the way, but it might not be able to make Mae’s gift delicious. Holly’s dropkick lets him pose but Tazz grabs a suplex. The Tazmission goes on but Crash comes in for the DQ.

Crash gets beaten up for the third time tonight.

Rikishi Phatu vs. Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko

The villains jump him at the same time to start and quickly eat a double clothesline. A one man 3D drops Malenko and Saturn takes a Samoan drop. That means a double Stinkface but Saturn is back up with a superkick to take over. Rikishi reverses a double suplex but nearly drops both of them on his own attempt. That really didn’t look good, though Rikishi was never quite known for his power. The Rikishi Driver (a sitout Tombstone instead of over the shoulder but still great looking) knocks Malenko silly and a belly to belly drops Saturn. Rikishi loads up the Banzai Drop but Eddie comes in with a pipe to the leg for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was actually better than I was expecting (botched double suplex aside) with serious Rikishi still being somewhat awesome at times. That Rikishi Driver still looked great and some of the power stuff Rikishi could do worked well enough. I could have gone with the Radicalz not basically being squashed so soon after debuting though and that’s not a great sign for their futures.

The Radicalz work on the leg even more until Too Cool makes the save.

Kane vs. HHH/???

No DQ and if Kane wins, he gets X-Pac at No Way Out. The mystery partner is….not X-Pac, who comes out just before the real partner: Big Show. Kane has to slug away at everyone to start and Show breaks up an early chokeslam attempt. We settle down to the big men starting things off with Kane shrugging off some right hands.

JR talks about Show “shocking the world” earlier tonight when he cost Rock a match earlier. I don’t know if he even shocked half of the arena Jim. The fans are logically chanting for Rock as HHH stomps Kane down in the corner. The facebuster and jumping knee put Kane down as we’re just waiting for Rock here. Kane slugs away until a DDT pulls him down for two. Show comes back in for the elbows in the corner as the announcers debate whether or not Kane should have Tombstoned Tori.

Kane fights back on HHH with a big boot, followed by a jumping clothesline to Big Show. A low blow cuts HHH down and X-Pac throws in a chair but here’s Rock….who is immediately chokeslammed. X-Pac comes in to help with the beatdown but Cactus Jack comes in for the real save (running Tori over in the process). Rock chairs Show into a chokeslam for the pin. JR: “BIG SHOW WINS IT! BIG SHOW FACES X-PAC AT NO WAY OUT!” Lawler: “NO! KANE WON!” JR: “KANE WON!” Geez dude.

Rating: D+. Screwy commentary at the end aside, this was perfectly fine with everything you would expect it to have been. When the fans have figured out what’s coming for the ending it’s probably not the best idea in the world, but at least it’s only a few minutes long. There’s no need to stretch this out for longer than it needed to go and they didn’t do that here. Not a bad match but really just there to serve a single purpose.

The good guys clean house to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a good example of how building to a pay per view used to work. Look at how many stories (some better than others) were advanced here. A lot of them were set up in the first segment but as the show went on, the whole thing tied together. However, they managed to do that with a bunch of short matches, which made me wonder where the wrestling was, and why that’s not the best way of thinking.

That’s where the modern fan in me is coming out and shows you how different things are. Today you get the long matches and the big storyline developments in chunks. This is much more about moving things slowly and that works much better week to week, which is how this was supposed to go. It makes for a slower pace because things don’t all happen at once, instead going week to week. You know, for a reason to come back. Now why can’t today’s Raw get that vibe?

They do it to an extent but the modern philosophy seems to be “air big match, air big match again, air same big match on pay per view”. Back in the day, you would actually have to PAY to see the big matches in a rather novel concept. It’s almost like the TV isn’t the be all end all of stuff and fans wanted to see the bigger matches down the line. I’m sure there’s no connection to wrestling’s popularity and this concept.

It also doesn’t help when you have commentary treating only a handful of things as important. How many times today do you see commentary either ignoring a match or basically calling half the wrestlers worthless or stupid? It feels like more than half the time, which makes so much stuff seem like a waste of time. When a lot of the matches are a waste of time, it makes for a weak show.

Overall though, this was a fun show with a lot of things happening but the show never feeling like it was dragging. There’s no match where you look at your watch to see how much longer it could possibly go and nothing feels repetitive. Why is that so hard to get to today? The lack of a second hour helped, but things were on such a roll at this point that it didn’t seem to matter.

Oh and then we had the Mae Young stuff. Today’s Raw doesn’t have that, therefore making it better almost by definition.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 4, 2003
Location: PNE Coliseum, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Summerslam and as luck would have it, there’s a fresh McMahon to dominate the show! Last week Shane made his big return to stand up for his mother after Kane attacked her the previous week. This was of course the only logical choice instead of Kane’s former partner Rob Van Dam, who was already attacked by Kane a few weeks back. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kane’s rampage last week, which was capped off by Shane’s return.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Shane to open things up. Shane is here to finish what he started with Kane because he wants to know how big and bad Kane is. As long as he’s able to walk, he’s going to be wherever Kane goes. Cue Eric Bischoff to say he’s appalled by what happened to Linda two weeks ago. Bischoff hates Kane as much as Shane does and he’d love to see Shane get some revenge. He teases Shane vs. Kane tonight and Shane is more than ready but Eric says not so fast.

That’s not what Vince wants though. Instead he wants Kane vs. Rob Van Dam at Summerslam. Shane can’t wait to see Van Dam give Kane a beating at Summerslam but he wants Kane tonight. On the other hand, Shane has to leave right now. Shane rips into Bischoff and says he won’t be leaving tonight, unless Eric wants to make him.

This brings out Austin who tells Shane to get out of the ring because Bischoff is a black belt. Austin brings up Bischoff saying he loved Linda McMahon and makes Bischoff vs. Shane in a no holds barred match for tonight. Bischoff says no way because he can’t face a WWE Superstar. Shane points out that he doesn’t have a contract though and the match is on. Eric panics but smiles and brings up the no holds barred part. Lawler: “THIS IS LIKE A DREAM MATCH!”

On what planet is this a dream match? And on what show should making Shane vs. Bischoff take SEVENTEEN MINUTES? I know this show doesn’t like to actually have wrestling on it a lot of the time but egads just do this in like five minutes or even in a backstage segment. Or better yet, HAVE ACTUAL WRESTLERS IN YOUR MATCH INSTEAD OF THESE TWO!

Rene Dupree vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Lawler is still raving about how awesome Shane vs. Bischoff is going to be. I know Vince vs. Bischoff would be a dream match but have Shane and Eric ever even spoken on TV before? Dupree dances to start so Bubba sends him into the corner for the loud overhead chop. D-Von gets on the apron for some reason, allowing a quick double team behind the stupid referee’s back.

A neckbreaker gets Bubba out of trouble and a running clothesline gets two. Bubba even goes aerial for a middle rope crossbody but walks into a spinebuster for two more. Rene brings in the French flag but Sylvan comes in, only to clothesline his partner by mistake. That’s not a DQ either, so D-Von hits Rene in the head with the flag pole. The Bubba Bomb is good for the pin on a busted open Dupree. Not long enough to rate but my goodness how much overbooking do you need in a two and a half minute match? How much is there going to be in an actually important (work with me here) Tag Team Title match?

Evolution is in the back and HHH has a badly pulled groin. A panicked Bischoff comes in and has a proposition for HHH.

Video on the Australia tour. Seems to have been some good crowds, which isn’t the most surprising thing in the world.

Scott Steiner vs. Randy Orton

This really isn’t a good idea for a rookie like Orton (or a veteran like HHH actually). Stacy’s outfit is a bit of a better idea but that kind of goes without saying. No Flair with Orton as he has to worry about Goldberg. Before the match, Orton says he can feel the tension in this arena tonight. Orton, and I quote: “It seems that more people came to see Randy Orton’s nipples than Stacy Keibler’s.” Steiner will have none of that besmirchment (such a great word) and stomps away in the corner. He’s so mad that he lets Orton clothesline him twice before a dropkick takes him down. So he’s strong against shoulders but weak against feet.

The fans chant for Stacy as Steiner grabs a spinning belly to belly to put Orton on the floor. An accidental Stacy distraction lets Orton hammer away, only to charge into something like a powerslam for two. Some double ax handles to the chest (more people should use that) set up the push up elbow as Steiner goes through his regular routine. Cue Test for the most obvious finish ever, setting up the RKO to give Orton the pin.

Rating: D. Steiner is still a name and this is the best thing that he can do at this point. I mean, the Test feud is killing him but a clean pin for Orton helps him out well enough. What does it say that though that he was nearly unstoppable back in January and now he’s losing in about four minutes while feuding with Test? That’s some all time levels of falling down the card and yet it’s still not all that surprising.

HHH tells a nervous Bischoff that they have a deal, much to Eric’s relief.

Rosey, in street clothes, tells Hurricane that he’s ready to be a superhero. Christian comes in to brag about taking Booker out in Australia and promises to beat Hurricane tonight. Rosey pulls out a box labeled S.H.I.T. Hurricane: “HOLY S***!” Apparently Rosey made it himself.

Bischoff has recruited Rodney Mack of all people to help him with Shane but Austin comes up. Mack leaves so Bischoff can brag about having Evolution in his corner (What difference does it make if it’s anything goes?) in exchange for Goldberg vs. HHH at Summerslam being No DQ. Austin: “I think it sucks.” So Steve Austin thinks the main event of Summerslam sucks. Good to know.

Hurricane vs. Christian

The fans are behind their countryman, even as Hurricane elbows him down. A trip to the floor has Christian in more trouble and the high crossbody gets two. Christian slips out of the chokeslam though and a rollup with a handful of tights is good for the pin. Just there for the sake of setting up something after the match.

Post match Christian keeps up the beating until Rosey, now in the Superhero in Training garb makes the save. You can imagine the chant. Rosey poses in front of Hurricane, who taps him on the shoulder so they can change places. Not quite Shawn and Diesel but it works.

Kane arrives in the police van. As questionable as this is, having Kane in the role is probably better than anyone else as he can at least look intimidating.

Ric Flair vs. Goldberg

HHH is on commentary again. Goldberg shoves shoves Flair around to start and drops him with a shoulder….as we go over to a shot of HHH talking about his groin. Goldberg’s press slam is loudly booed (as Goldberg wasn’t exactly popular in Canada ever, which was made even worse when he kicked Bret Hart’s head off) and an awkward looking toss (with almost no height) doesn’t make things any better.

A shot to the knee slows Goldberg down as HHH asks Coach if he’ll massage the bad groin. HHH: “It’s the best offer you’ve ever had”. Back up and Flair’s shot to the face have no effect so Goldberg hits a good looking backdrops. Flair pokes him in the eye but gets slammed off the top, only to have Orton come in with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was basically a Goldberg squash until the ending and the ending is fine. It makes sense for Evolution to take as much out of Goldberg as they could before Summerslam. Goldberg in the ring in Canada just wasn’t a good idea, though to be fair I’m not sure how much time they would have to know that just yet. Storyline advancement here though and I can go with Orton getting to put Goldberg down with the chair shot.

Post match the beatdown is on but Shawn, then Jericho, then Nash come in for the respective saves. Cue Austin to make the Summerslam main event into an Elimination Chamber between HHH, Goldberg, Jericho, Nash, Shawn and Orton. Everyone is stunned and Goldberg spears Flair down. If Austin doesn’t think it, I certainly will: that sounds like it’s going to suck, mainly because HHH is hurt, Nash is Nash and Orton is WAY too young to be in this spot.

Post break everyone is still in the ring as Terri interviews Slamball (I remember that being awesome, though I was a stupid teenager) founder Pat Croche about the season two premiere. Jericho and Nash get in a fight with Nash easily getting the better of it.

HHH wants everything changed but Bischoff says that technically, this is out of his hands. Then technically, Bischoff is on his own tonight. Why not go get Rodney Mack back? Or just buy some other heel? Or find the person Shane is feuding with to advance their story? Would that be against Vince’s will either?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending and starts fast with a snap suplex for two. A northern lights suplex (back bridge, according to Coach) gets the same as the fans want puppies. Odds are they mean the Canadian puppies, because Heaven forbid anyone find Molly attractive (even though she’s rather pretty at this point with the short brown hair). A headscissors out of the corner gets Trish out of trouble and the Matrish sends Molly flying out to the floor. Trish hammers away on the floor but here’s Victoria for the quick DQ. Yeah make sure to beat down those Canadians.

Gail Kim runs in for the save but turns on Trish anyway. Then the point for the save was…..? Writers trying to be smarter than they really are perhaps?

Shane attacks the police van because he has no respect for government property.

Lance Storm needs help being boring and asks Goldust for help. This is not going to end well, but hopefully it ends soon.

Bischoff sends the cops off after Austin but uses the distraction to unlock the van.

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

Rob starts fast with a dropkick and monkey flip, only to miss a dive off the top, sending him into the barricade. Back in and Jericho drops some elbows as the announcers talk about the Elimination Chamber. A knee to the ribs cuts Rob down for two more and Jericho elbows him in the head. This isn’t exactly thrilling stuff and the announcers talking about ANYTHING else isn’t helping things.

Rob manages to suplex him over the ropes onto the floor but can’t follow up. Back in and a dropkick drops Van Dam, only to have him come back with a springboard kick to the face. A jumping enziguri continues the battle of kicks to the head and gives Jericho two more. Rob’s stepover kick to the face looks to set up Rolling Thunder but Jericho rolls away just in time.

The Lionsault misses as well but Rob misses a Five Star splash (there was nothing froggy about it). They botch a hurricanrana with Jericho trying a quick Walls, only to have Rob next to the ropes. He’s right back up with another kick to the face and the split legged moonsault to put Jericho away.

Rating: D. Where do you even start? The botches? The REALLY dull first half? The announcers not caring? Giving Van Dam a pin over a World Title contender before he gets squashed by Kane at the pay per view? They had an interesting idea here with both guys mirroring each others’ moves (the kicks, the missed flip attacks) but the execution was much, much worse than you would have expected from these two.

Post match Jericho says there’s a conspiracy against him so he wants Nash in a hair vs. hair match. This would have made a lot more sense after the earlier segment between the two and without the clean loss to Van Dam in between but this show has far bigger problems to get around.

Bischoff is smiling.

Kane is out of his van. Coach: “Is this why Bischoff is smiling???” And people think JR misses the obvious sometimes?

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Anything goes and Bischoff comes out carrying a kick pad for a karate demonstration. After that waste of time, we’re ready to go with both guys in street clothes. Actually hang on again because Shane has to dance. Bischoff kicks him down three times in a row without much effort but gets speared down for the famous Shane punches. Cue Kane for the brawl in the aisle with Shane getting the better of it because he’s a better fighter than Rob Van Dam or STEVE AUSTIN you see. Kane fights back and kicks Shane in the face, followed by a Tombstone on the steps to give Bischoff the pin.

Rating: F. Somehow this was an official match and somehow it was long enough to rate because of course it was. I’m really not sure why we’re not getting Shane vs. Kane at the pay per view because that’s clearly what makes sense here. I mean, I know you can’t just have Kane take Van Dam out again or something (or just have Van Dam not come back yet) because that’s just too complicated. Not a match of course but that’s best for everyone.

Lawler acts like Bischoff just won the World Title because this was a dream match remember. Bischoff celebrates forever (including getting two more three counts) to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This was awful with nothing really good all night long. Between putting WAY too much emphasis on Shane vs. Eric, the completely illogical mess of the Van Dam/Kane/Shane stuff and the rather dumb changes to the main event (I know HHH was injured but I’m thinking he was healthy enough to take a spear and Jackhammer, then have the real match when he’s back to full strength), I have no idea what they think they accomplished here. Absolutely awful and one of the worst they’ve done in several months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 1, 2018
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

It’s a new year (yes it is) and that probably doesn’t mean much. We’ll be getting ready for the Royal Rumble in less than a month and tonight that includes an appearance by Brock Lesnar. Other than that we have Roman Reigns defending the Intercontinental Title against Samoa Joe and Cedric Alexander challenging Enzo Amore for the Cruiserweight Title. Let’s get to it.

Alexa Bliss goes to see Kurt Angle in the back because she’s not happy with having to face Asuka tonight. Angle basically says get over it.

Here’s Angle for a chat. Angle talks about how great 2017 was and promises 2018 will be even better. In a few weeks we’ll be having the 25^th Anniversary of Raw and then the Royal Rumble. John Cena entered the men’s Royal Rumble earlier today and that brings us to the women’s Royal Rumble. The same rules will apply for the men: thirty entrants with the winner getting a title shot at Wrestlemania.

Cue the Bar to complain about Angle giving Jason Jordan and Seth Rollins a title shot last week and then celebrating with the new champions after the show. They won’t stand for this favoritism. The Bar wants their rematch tonight but Angle says it’s when he chooses. Cue Jordan to say he and Seth earned the titles last week but Cesaro isn’t convinced. Angle makes a match for right now but here’s Rollins to interrupt as well. Rollins thinks Jordan is going a bit too fast but Seth will be in his corner….to watch Jason lose.

I know this was supposed to be Rollins and Ambrose again but Rollins and Jordan aren’t working so far. They’re a very forced together team and Rollins acting like Jordan has no idea how to be a tag wrestler is quite the stretch. Jordan going full heel would help, but it seems that they’ve shifted gears into him just proving himself as a talent, which he doesn’t need to do.

Jason Jordan vs. Cesaro

Joined in progress with Cesaro in control and grabbing a chinlock. Back up and Cesaro’s dive is pulled out of the air, allowing Jordan to drive him into the corner over and over. Sheamus offers a distraction though and Cesaro takes the knee out. Cesaro cranks on the knee in a variety of ways before Jordan manages to send him outside. That just earns him another shot to the knee, followed by a knee crusher onto the apron.

We take a break and come back with Cesaro baseball sliding Jordan out to the floor again. Cesaro grabs a half crab (that’s a back hold but whatever) but Jordan fights up and grabs some suplexes. Both guys are down again and Sheamus knocks Jordan into a rollup, followed by another half crab. Seth goes after Sheamus though, allowing Jordan to grab the wheelbarrow neckbreaker for the pin at 15:13.

Rating: C. A lot of that made my head hurt as Jordan’s leg was worked over for the majority of the match, including two holds (again, didn’t work on the leg but they were trying) but then he’s throwing suplexes and the wheelbarrow neckbreaker. What’s the point in doing something like that if Jordan just does his stuff anyway? It’s a common problem and again, it seems that they’re postponing the heel turn for the moment, which isn’t good for anyone.

Roman Reigns promises to stay in the rules tonight because if he gets disqualified he loses the title. If that had actually lead to a title change via DQ more than maybe twice ever, that declaration might actually mean something.

Sasha Banks says she’ll win the Royal Rumble.

Bray Wyatt vs. Apollo Crews

Bray takes him into the corner without much effort but has to punch his way out of a headlock. An enziguri into a slingshot hilo doesn’t do Crews much good as Bray runs him over with a headbutt to the chest. Crews kicks him down again but gets crotched on top. Bray glares down at Dana Brooke and we take a break.

Back with Bray holding a chinlock until Crews fights up for a running kick to the face. Crews looks for the Toss Powerbomb but gets his head taken off with a hard clothesline. Dana gets on the apron and gets scared off onto Titus, allowing Crews to hit the jumping enziguri. The Toss Powerbomb is easily reversed into Sister Abigail though and Crews is done at 10:23.

Rating: D+. What the heck was that? Like seriously, what was that? Crews is someone who should be losing in about two minutes, not stretching it through a commercial. This is a good example of why Bray is in the place he’s in: despite being presented as a monster, he doesn’t wrestle like a monster. Instead he comes off like someone who is dealt with by speaking to him with a firm voice. I like Crews a lot but he should have been flattened here.

Post match Matt Hardy pops up on screen to say he’s all around Bray and intends to delete him. The screen turns into hundreds of small screens featuring Matt’s face and Bray looks disturbed. I would be too if it took me that long to beat Apollo Crews.

Nia Jax is trying to leave because Enzo Amore is in the hospital with the flu. Alexa cuts her off and says she needs her at ringside. Bliss says it’s Enzo or her and Nia leaves. Sweet goodness you mean Enzo is STILL going to be champion next week? Well of course, because there’s no way they’ll put the title match on 205 Live.

Ad for the Mixed Match Challenge, which I believe is the first time it’s been mentioned on the main show. That being said, HAHAHAHAHA if they actually think people are staying until 11:30 for the end of 205 Live after that show is over.

Alexa Bliss vs. Asuka

Non-title. This was set up last week when Asuka kicked Bliss in the head. An early spinning backfist misses so Asuka goes with a front facelock instead. Bliss has to bail from a kneebar but the hip attack puts her on the floor. Back in and Bliss gets kicked down as this is one sided so far. Bliss bails to the floor again and we take a break.

Back with Bliss holding Asuka in a bodyscissors, only to be reversed into an ankle lock. Bliss makes a rope and kicks her in the ribs again, followed by some forearms to the back. A backbreaker lets Bliss hammer away with right hands and it’s back to the bodyscissors. That’s switched into a guillotine choke before Bliss stomps away in the corner.

A running slap just ticks Asuka off though (Well what were you expecting?) and it’s some dropkicks to put Bliss in trouble again. There’s a running hip attack and a hard knee to the face but Bliss comes out of the corner with a sunset flip. Asuka counters that into a cradle for two, followed by the cross armbreaker to make Bliss tap at 14:35.

Rating: B. Bliss hung in there but this wasn’t exactly a shocking result. Asuka is going to win the title one day and they’re going to treat it as a big moment. Normally this would set up a title match at the Rumble but we can’t do that when Asuka is already in the Rumble itself. There are some options here and that’s what you want going into a major match like that.

We look back at Roman Reigns attacking Samoa Joe last week and causing a DQ in their title match.

Joe is ready for Reigns because he’s already broken up the Shield. It’s because of Joe that Dean Ambrose is a stay at home husband living off his wife’s (who happens to be doing this interview) paycheck. Renee’s face off that line was great and as usual, Joe comes off as the most serious person not named Brock Lesnar in this company.

Bayley enters the Rumble.

Braun Strowman vs. Rhyno

The announcer introduces Slater as the opponent. Well they do both have meaty thighs. Strowman drops him with an early shoulder and goes outside to grab a mic. Braun tells Strowman to either stay on the floor and be quiet or take a beating. Slater comes in and the double teaming actually works for a good five seconds. The running powerslam ends Rhyno at 2:31.

Post match, multiple powerslams ensue. Yeah he’s great. Now have him be the odd man out when Lesnar pins Kane so we can move on.

Rollins comes up to Reigns in the back and Roman says he’s keeping his cool. Jordan comes in and says they’ll take the Bar out tonight. Jordan: “Believe that.” Seth and Roman share a funny look. Ok point for a good scene.

Strowman runs into Kane, who just wants to talk about Lesnar. Kane says they’re the alpha monsters and since NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED LIKE THIS IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, Kane wants to team up, Strowman says no. Can no one in this company speak like a human?

Finn Balor comes in to Angle’s office and enters the Royal Rumble. Angle is pleased but wants to know who Balor has for partners tonight in a six man tag. Cue Anderson and Gallows with Balor asking who else it would be.

Intercontinental Title: Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is defending and loses the title if he’s disqualified. Joe pops him with the right hands to start but Reigns comes back with some forearms to the back. The referee breaks up some shots to the face in the corner because the rules say he needs to be all serious here when no referee would ever do something like this otherwise. A suplex puts Reigns on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Joe running him over with an elbow for two. Reigns grabs a suplex though, only to miss a charge and go shoulder first into the post. Joe works on the arm but Roman is back up with a clothesline. That just earns him a charge to take him down again as the pace stays slow (in a good way). A hard whip sends Reigns into the corner and Joe takes him down to the mat to crank on the arm some more.

Reigns fights up again and hits a running clothesline, followed by the standing clotheslines in the corner. The running apron dropkick gives Reigns two but hang on a second as the referee has to warn for a DQ. Joe sends him outside though and there’s the suicide elbow for a double knockdown.

They’re both back in at nine and we take a second break. Back again with Reigns getting headbutted down but yelling at Joe to hit him harder. Reigns gets two off a Samoan drop and Joe bails to the floor. Roman dives into a shot to the chest and gets sent into the steps but thankfully Joe rolls back inside to break the count. A whip into the steps is reversed but of course that’s not enough for the DQ.

Joe gets in a shot to the face, only to eat a Superman punch off the steps. Back in and another Superman punch gets two with the kickout stunning Reigns. The spear is blocked and Joe sends Reigns into the referee, who of course is talked out of the DQ. Another Superman punch is countered into the spinning Rock Bottom for two more and now Joe is yelling at the referee. The Clutch goes on but Reigns spins out of it and hits the spear to retain at 24:53.

Rating: B+. The DQ stuff was kind of annoying but they were beating the heck out of each other for a LONG time here and it made for a good match. I mean, you knew the most likely ending was spear into Reigns winning but at least Joe got in a very solid match before losing via clean pin. It’s going to be almost all Reigns until we get to the Superdome because THIS TIME FOR SURE but that’s how WWE works anymore.

Paul Heyman comes in to see Angle and basically says Lesnar is awesome. Thanks for coming in for that one Paulie.

Absolution is entering the Rumble. These entrances aren’t exactly surprising when there are all of twenty or so women on the main roster.

Drew Gulak and Ariya Daivari are in the ring with Drew reading Enzo’s promo off a letter Enzo wrote for them. Enzo isn’t defending the title tonight due to the flu and would love to face Cedric, who interrupts in short order. The villains are willing to have a tag match but Cedric doesn’t have a partner. Cue Goldust of all people to ask if Cedric wants to be friends. Goldust: “Cedric, want to be friends?”. See that’s what he said.

Drew Gulak/Ariya Daivari vs. Cedric Alexander/Goldust

Daivari takes Cedric down into a chinlock to start but gets elbowed in the face for his efforts. That’s enough for a pretty early double tag to Goldust and Gulak as the pace quickens. They botch Goldust’s running bulldog (Gulak seemed to trip and Goldust made a quick save by punching him in the head so it was nothing too bad) but the second attempt works just fine. Goldust actually goes up top and hits a pretty good looking twisting crossbody. Cedric’s springboard double clothesline takes both guys down and it’s the Lumbar Check to end Gulak at 3:26.

Finn Balor/Anderson and Gallows vs. Elias/Miztourage

Before the match, Elias has the Miztourage come out of the shadows with a cowbell (Bo) and some bells (Axel). Miz is back next week so they dedicate a little Auld Lang Syne to his honor. This goes as well as you would expect and even Elias cuts them off. Joined in progress after a break with Axel getting two on Balor before it’s off to Elias for some boots in the corner. Balor gets over to the corner for a hot tag to Gallows though and house is cleaned in the form of some kicks to the head. A splash crushes Dallas and the Magic Killer into the Coup de Grace puts him away at 3:24.

Rating: D. Just a squash here but I’m thinking the Miztourage should just stick with Elias. They have some chemistry there and it’s not like it matters who their boss is. Miz doesn’t really need lackeys (though they don’t hurt him) and it would give Elias a nice little rub, which he could use with his current status.

Video on Miz’s return next week.

Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to close things out. Paul thinks the company’s New Year’s Resolution is to stack the deck against Lesnar by throwing multiple challengers at the same time. It used to be challenger and now it’s CHALLENGERS because there’s no other way to stop Brock. That makes things more complicated because Brock can lose the title without getting pinned, which is the only way it could happen.

Heyman mocks the announcers talking about the odds but says Brock is always 100%. If it’s one on one, no one is beating Brock. You could even throw all thirty Royal Rumble entrants against him and it would be the same slaughter. They go to leave but here’s Kane (with Brock pausing due to a delay in Kane’s music hitting) to chokeslam Brock but Lesnar sits up like Undertaker. A Cactus Clothesline puts them on the floor but some of the locker room comes out for the break up. No Braun as Brock poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The Intercontinental Title match is more than enough to carry the show but the rest felt like it was being extended to fill in time. Unless Enzo was getting something like twenty minutes (I’d be STUNNED), then it felt like they were trying to punt because of the college football but didn’t know how to do it. The show was more good than bad as the focus is firmly on the Rumble and that’s good for everyone. Now build up some potential winners for both matches and we should be fine.

Results

Jason Jordan b. Cesaro – Wheelbarrow neckbreaker

Bray Wyatt b. Apollo Crews – Sister Abigail

Asuka b. Alexa Bliss – Cross armbreaker

Braun Strowman b. Rhyno – Running powerslam

Roman Reigns b. Samoa Joe – Spear

Cedric Alexander/Goldust b. Drew Gulak/Ariya Daivari – Lumbar Check to Gulak

Finn Balor/Anderson and Gallows b. Elias/Miztourage – Coup de Grace to Dallas

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

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