Monday Night Raw
Date: September 15, 2003
Location: Carolina Coliseum, Columbia, South Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Unforgiven and just like Summerslam, that can’t come early enough. The shows haven’t exactly been thrilling as of late and I don’t see that getting any better tonight. At the moment, the problem comes down to the show having almost every direction wrong, which doesn’t bode well as we head towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

HHH is walking through the back and runs into Eric Bischoff. Since tonight is Goldberg’s last night on Raw, HHH wants to throw him a going away party. Bischoff agrees, but wants to know what HHH is going to do when Goldberg shows up. HHH’s advice: keep watching. Do we have to?

Chris Jericho and Christian are in the ring, carrying anti-Steve Austin signs. He needs to be FIRED, especially due to the attack on Jericho last week. Fair point actually. Austin is a Stone Cold joke and the joke is on the two of them. Christian wants to know why he was off Summerslam and why he’s off Unforgiven. Again, fair point. Is there a reason why we’re not seeing Christian defend the title on back to back pay per views? Maybe the Canadians are on to something here.

They try to start a STONE COLD MUST GO chant but here’s Austin to interrupt. Austin wants to know what’s up with this attempt to stop the show. He brings up Jericho slapping him on the back, which insulted Steve’s manhood and hurt his feelings. That wasn’t going to fly and Austin retaliated. Austin wants to give them a beating but that stupid rule is holding him back.

This brings him to Christian, who WILL be defending the title at Unforgiven. Instead of announcing an opponent, Austin dares one of them to provoke him. Jericho gets in Austin’s face but tells Christian to get him. Since no violence is happening at the moment, Jericho is going to have a match right now. We’ll make that a #1 contenders match for the Intercontinental Title shot on Sunday.

Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam

From a one sided loss in a long cage match to a #1 contenders match. I’m certainly following the logic. Rob starts in with the kicks and dives onto both Canadians as we take an early break. Back with Rob still in control but Christian shoves him off the top. That earns Christian a stern lecture as Jericho whips Rob into the steps.

After a chinlock that doesn’t last very long, Rob dropkicks Jericho out of the air and scores with a spinwheel kick to the face. Rolling Thunder lands on Jericho’s face and a slingshot legdrop hits it again. That’s not how you treat a sexy rock star. An attempt at the Walls is countered into a small package for two as the fans are rather behind Van Dan here.

Jericho has better luck with the sleeper drop before ducking a kick, meaning it’s time for a ref bump. The Lionsault hits knees but the Five Star does as well. Christian tries to come in but hits Jericho with the belt by mistake (ignore Jericho being three feet behind Van Dam). Instead Christian hits Rob with the belt as well, drawing the DQ.

Rating: C-. The ending hurts this one a good bit and that doesn’t surprise me. I’ve never been a fan of a champion trying to break up a #1 contenders match with the stupid, illogical thinking of the non-ending (which should be an ending, but won’t because WWE) means no match. I know wrestling heels aren’t that bright, but you would think this would connect at some point.

Post match Austin says not quite, because neither guy winning (How did one of them not win??? The referee didn’t see Jericho get hit so Rob should win. If we’re supposed to believe that the referee did see it, then Jericho should win. Either way, this ending doesn’t add up but it gets us to the next match, which is all that matters.) doesn’t get Christian out of his defense. Therefore, it’s a triple threat match for the title at Unforgiven.

Great Moment in Goldberg History: beating Hogan for the WCW World Title.

Spike Dudley vs. Rob Conway

Spike is in a big neck brace after last week’s horrible looking botch….and loses to a neckbreaker in less than thirty seconds while the Dudleys and La Resistance fight on the floor. Well you can’t fault Conway’s thinking.

Post match, Conway powerbombs Spike through a table. The Dudleys make a late save.

Bischoff is in the back with Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman, asking if that’s the kind of violence they can expect on Sunday. A backstage worker (again Taylor from Tough Enough) brings Bischoff a note, saying there are two women in his office. You should be able to guess what’s coming from here.

Post break, Bischoff finds Moolah and Mae Young in his office. Moolah is here to celebrate her 80^th birthday and wants to have a match in her hometown. It turns out that Austin sent the letter and Mae kisses Bischoff. Austin: “I think she likes you!”

Victoria vs. Fabulous Moolah

Mae offers a distraction and Moolah wins with a rollup in thirty seconds. Quite the use of the go home show time.

Post match Victoria jumps both of them so here’s Randy Orton for the save. However, she’s a legend and he’s a legend killer so it’s an RKO for Moolah. I’m so glad they had Victoria lose for this. Orton laying Moolah out is a great way to get heel heat, but have him do it to interrupt an interview or a birthday celebration or something.

Great Moment in Goldberg history: hitting the Giant with the Jackhammer. Considering this is closer to a regular suplex, I’m more impressed by Curt Hennig giving Giant a PerfectPlex.

Lance Storm/Goldust vs. Rodney Mack/Mark Henry

Storm now has a rap theme and dances on the stage. Mack and Storm get things going with Lance working the arm. A dropkick gives Storm two but Henry gets in a shot from the apron to take over. Mark comes in and knocks Storm into the corner for the hot tag. Goldust slugs away…and gets caught in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in less than two minutes. We sat through a month of building Storm and Goldust as a comedy act for this in their debut. For the sake of Mack and Henry?

Evolution is planning the celebration but Orton says he has to take care of something. After running into Maven and saying nothing, Shawn Michaels pops up. Orton thinks they have a lot in common. Shawn uses people as stepping stones, which is what Orton is going to use Shawn for on Sunday. Michaels slaps him in the face and tells Randy to step hard.

Earlier today, Hurricane gives Rosey flying lessons but Rosey calls a cab instead. Terri came out of the building and talked to Molly Holly and Gail Kim, who don’t think Trish Stratus will have a partner tonight.

Here’s Bischoff, in rather casual clothes, including an un-tucked brown shirt and a hat, to oversee the contract signing between Kane and Shane McMahon. He explains the idea of a Last Man Standing match and says these two aren’t just signing contracts, but also releases. Kane is out first and signs before Shane shows up. Now it’s Shane coming out and OF COURSE he has something to say. He promises that if he’s going down, Kane is going down with him.

Shane likes the stipulation on Sunday and signs the contract so Kane turns the table over. The fight is on with Shane hitting him low four times in a row and cracking Kane with a few chair shots. With Kane down, Shane pulls a cover off a special announcers’ table (well good thing that was there) for the big elbow. Remember: Shane can do this while Rob Van Dam, #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title, got squashed last week.

Great Moment in Goldberg History: beating the Rock at Backlash. That’s not a great moment in any history.

Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim/Molly Holly

No holds barred. Trish dropkicks them down at the same time and gets in a double neck snap across the top rope. Since it’s no holds barred, Gail heads to the apron while Trish hits a kick in the corner and the Stratusphere for no cover. Gail comes back with a slam and middle rope legdrop for two, followed by Molly’s handspring elbow. Trish fights out of a weak chinlock and scores with a spinebuster. That’s about it though as Gail sends her hard into the corner, setting up the Molly Go Round for the pin.

Rating: D. This was either the lamest no holds barred match ever or Lilian Garcia screwed up and announced the wrong stipulation. The feud continues to be pretty uninteresting but at least it now has a point. That’s far more than you usually get in these stories and when Trish actually gets a good partner, things will get even better.

Post match the beating continues until Lita makes her big return for the save. Lita plants them both, stops to take her top off, and then gives Molly a Twist of Fate.

Post break, Gail and Molly yell at Bischoff about what happened. Austin comes in to explain that he rehired Lita (holy continuity for once) and makes a tag match for Sunday.

Here are Coach and Al Snow doing a JR and King impression because THIS IS HOW WE SELL PAY PER VIEWS IN 2003! They’ll be doing commentary at the table Shane destroyed, which actually had equipment included (even down to the Raw Magazine). And yes, they’re sitting at the broken table because that needed to be broken before this happens.

Val Venis vs. Test

Val blows a kiss to Stacy Keibler so Test jumps him as Snow and Coach are doing commentary on their own. Test stops to yell at Stacy and gets decked from behind, including a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. The Money Shot is broken up as Test kicks the referee into the ropes (not a DQ of course), setting up the pumphandle slam. That’s only good for two as Stacy makes a save, meaning it’s time for a chase. Cue Scott Steiner for a distraction, causing Test to crotch himself. Stacy bounces the ropes a bit (with her skirt flying WAY up), allowing Val to hit a half nelson slam for the fast pin.

Post match Steiner cleans house until Test pulls Stacy out (sending the skirt up again).

Lawler comes to the ring and wants to face Snow right now. Well after a break that is.

Great Moment in Goldberg History: the Elimination Chamber. They have to hammer that one in one more time before he wins on Sunday don’t they?

Jerry Lawler vs. Al Snow

Snow is in street clothes. Coach joins JR on commentary, doing a JR impression in the process. Snow headlocks him down to start as the announcers bicker a lot. Lawler is right back with a DDT as JR yells at Coach for not knowing holds. A belly to back suplex takes King down as Coach talks about fans wanting a commentator in a white hat. Back up and Lawler grabs a rollup for the fast pin.

Coach decks JR, who rants about the EVIL announcers after a break.

We look back at Shane and Kane earlier.

Pay per view rundown.

Evolution is heading to the ring for the farewell party when they run into Austin. On Sunday, if HHH gets disqualified, he loses the title. Therefore, they’re staying back here tonight while HHH goes to the ring on his own.

Here’s HHH to the ring, which contains an easel and something wrapped up. HHH tries to get a Goldberg chant and you can see fans leaving. The fans better chant while they can because after tonight, Goldberg is off Raw. HHH says the party is on and we’ve got balloons. He’s been watching all night long and noticed that he’s beaten all these same guys as Goldberg, but he’s beaten Goldberg too. HHH is the greatest champion alive today…and his microphone goes out.

We can hear him talking but the arena can’t, meaning the longest string of HELLO HELLO HELLO in wrestling history. He finally gets a working microphone and gets right back on track. HHH: “I wasn’t aware that Goldberg made microphones.” This brings HHH to the present, which is a picture of Evolution beating Goldberg down in a cage last week. We see a clip of last weeks beatdown until a bandaged Goldberg pops up on screen. He says he’ll win the title, comes to the ring to press HHH into a powerslam, and poses to end the show. This was really boring as HHH went on forever without saying much of anything, as only he can.

Overall Rating: D-. And so much for me wanting to see Unforgiven. It’s the same usual nonsense: focusing on a bunch of non-wrestlers, the idea that Shane McMahon can fight Kane far better than Rob Van Dam could seem to hope to and a HHH vs. Goldberg title change that should have taken place a month ago. This was a complete waste of a go home show with a bunch of matches that meant nothing (the one match to break five minutes had a commercial and two didn’t break thirty five seconds) and one dumb story after another. Maybe a new World Champion will help, but I’m not exactly optimistic.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 12, 2018
Location: SAP Center, San Jose, California
Commentators: Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Michael Cole

Tonight is still about the Elimination Chamber, with the final spot in the men’s match being set this week. That means a four way match between most of the people who already lost qualifying matches, because that’s the way to make people care about them. Other than that we have an appearance from John Cena, which could go multiple ways. Let’s get to it.

Here’s a fired up John Cena to get things going. It’s a special time of year because Wrestlemania is right around the corner and that means everyone gets to be a legend all over again. However, with less than two weeks to go before the Elimination Chamber, Cena has to win the match. If he doesn’t do it there, he might not have a road to Wrestlemania. Yes, they’re seriously trying to say that Cena won’t be on WRESTLEMANIA if he’s not in the main event.

Anyway Cena talks about how insane his path is, as he has to win the Chamber to get to face the unbeatable Brock Lesnar. That sounds impossible, but impossible is what Cena does. Cue the Miz, to say Cena is the founder of Suplex City. He’s going to become the first ever Universal and Intercontinental Champion. Cena laughs off the idea of Miz beating Lesnar, unless Brock misses his flight or gets frozen in a block of ice.

Miz brings up the smart point of not being dumb enough to charge at Lesnar like Cena would. He knows how to adapt, which is why he beat Roman Reigns for the Intercontinental Title. Cena says he likes Miz because he’s a big talker and sometimes backs it up. Since we’re in what seems to be Miz country (due to the CENA SUCKS chants), how about a match right now with the winner entering the Chamber first?

Miz doesn’t think much of it so the Miztourage jumps Cena, laying him out with a reverse 3D. That’s enough for Miz to accept….but here’s Kurt Angle to interrupt. After stumbling over his lines a bit, Angle says he likes the match and says it’s on. Here’s a referee, but the Miztourage is being sent to the back.

The Miz vs. John Cena

Non-title. Miz covers for two and hammers away for two more as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting his top rope ax handle for two and putting a knee in the ribs for the same. Some rights and lefts to the ribs set up a sleeper for a good while, eventually taking us to a second break.

We come back again with Cena being put into the Figure Four, only to easily raise Miz’s leg for the break. That sets up the STF but Miz is quickly in the ropes. Instead Miz heads up top for a high crossbody, only to have Cena roll through into the AA. That’s countered as well with Miz grabbing a DDT for two. The AA hits on the second attempt but that’s only good for two as well.

Miz crotches him on top and we hit the Figure Four again, but Cena reverses into a Crossface of all things. After the rope is grabbed again, Miz grabs a quick Skull Crushing Finale for two more and frustration is setting in. The frustration is so strong that Miz takes Cena up top for a super Skull Crushing Finale, only to be reversed into the super AA to give Cena the pin at 16:04.

Rating: B. They did a good job of teasing an upset here and while that doesn’t make up for the fact that the Intercontinental Champion lost clean, it does make things a lot easier. Miz being in at #1 will help him a bit as he’ll lose the match but have taken such a beating that it doesn’t matter as much. Also, another good match from these two as that Wrestlemania match looks more and more like a fluke every time they’re out there.

Post match Cena goes into the crowd to say something to a handicapped kid, who also gets a wrist band. Miz is announced as the loser, just to hammer the point home.

Matt Hardy promises to turn the Elimination Chamber into the Deletion Chamber through the power of the seven deities.

Anderson and Gallows are sick of Revival being all nerdy and want to beat them up.

Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Revival jumps them in the aisle and it’s a chop block to take Gallows’ knee out. The match is on anyway with Gallows hammering on Dawson in the corner. A big right hand rocks Dawson again and everything breaks down. Anderson distracts the referee, allowing a second chop block to take Gallows down again.

Back from a break with Revival working on the knee, as they certainly should be doing. A big boot is enough to set up the hot tag to Anderson and house is cleaned in a hurry. Anderson knees Dawson in the face (“HI-YAH!”) and scores with a jumping neckbreaker. Gallows gets sent outside though, leaving Revival to hit the Shatter Machine for the pin at 7:43.

Rating: C. That should do it for the feud and Revival winning is quite the relief. Now can we get the titles on some faces so Revival can win the things, hopefully at some point in the next few months. The Bar has been fine as champions but we need some fresh blood. By fresh, I mean one of the most old school teams in years of course.

We recap the Tag Team Title situation from last week, including Jason Jordan having a severe neck injury and being out for awhile.

Here’s Angle for a chat. First of all, at Elimination Chamber, Ronda Rousey will be signing her contract at Elimination Chamber. That brings him to Jordan, who will be out of action for a long time with that neck surgery. He’s actually going to miss Wrestlemania, which certainly pleases the fans. Angle says he’s going to be a father for a change now, and goes into a bit of a rant against the fans, saying Jordan tries and now the fans are happy he’s missing Wrestlemania.

This brings out Seth Rollins to say he understands what it’s like to miss Wrestlemania. Rollins doesn’t have a title right now or a Money in the Bank briefcase or a match at Elimination Chamber. Angle suggests that he can find Seth another partner but that’s not what Seth had in mind. Seth used to be the World Champion and he wants to turn this place back into Monday Night Rollins.

That’s why he wants Brock Lesnar and he wants the Universal Title at Wrestlemania. The only way he can do that is by winning the Elimination Chamber, and there happens to be one more spot available. Seth wants the main event to become a fatal five way but Angle says that’s not fair to the other four. Instead, Angle puts it up to the fans, who agree to let Rollins in the match. I’ll give them points for trying to make us believe that it’s going to be anyone other than Reigns winning. I mean, it’s hard to believe anything else, but they’re trying.

Bray Wyatt says he’s a hungry shark who is going to win his second straight Chamber.

Bayley vs. Sasha Banks

Feeling out process to start but they’re both seeming rather aggressive here. Sasha sends her into the corner and scores with the running knees to a seated Bayley for two. Bayley gets sent outside and Sasha holds the ropes for her, much to Bayley’s annoyance. The somehow still bad shoulder is sent into the barricade and Sasha is in control as we take a break. Back with Sasha still on the shoulder and hitting the running knees in the corner. Sasha tries it again but charges into a clothesline.

It’s time for the comeback with Bayley getting all fired up and hitting another clothesline for two. The top rope elbow misses though and the Bank Statement goes on. Bayley FINALLY crawls over to the ropes, despite Sasha putting her foot on the rope to keep them away. A hard toss sends Sasha face first into the middle buckle and they’re both down. Sasha heads up top but gets caught, setting up a super Bayley to Belly for the pin at 12:22.

Rating: B-. Another pairing with good chemistry and that’s always going to be the case. Bayley needed this win a lot more than Banks did and given that there’s a chance of a new champion in the Chamber, it’s nice to have something like this actually mean something. Also, thankfully they gave Bayley a hometown win for a change, which doesn’t often happen.

Post match they stare each other down and tease a fight, only to have Nia Jax come in and run them over. Jax hits a pair of Samoan drops before saying these two took Asuka to the limit. Now she destroyed them both, so she can destroy Asuka. Coach says that’s easier said than done and she beat them both up after a five star match.

Rollins and Reigns are in the back and trade some barbs about going on to Wrestlemania. The Bar comes in and says they’ll put the two of them in the hospital with Dean and Jason. Reigns: “What happened to your mouth? Oh that’s right: you ran into the Shield.” More insults send the Bar scurrying.

We get a Rumble by the Numbers video on Asuka’s undefeated streak:

860 days

240 wins

0 losses

34 Opponents

4 Continents Asuka has defeated them in

11 Countries she’s won in

8 Opponents have been former champions and they’ve all tapped out

2.5 years undefeated

523 Days as NXT Women’s Champion

7^th Longest Reign All Time

7 People have been a Sole Survivor of a Survivor Series match and won the Royal Rumble with Asuka as the first woman

15 Former Champions Asuka defeated in the Royal Rumble

Apollo Crews isn’t worried about being deleted because he’s going to create history. He isn’t scared of the eater of worlds because Bray can’t digest him. Tonight he’ll extinguish Seth’s fire and he’s in the only club he wants to be in. Dana Brooke coins the term Crews Can’t Lose and dancing ensues. Crews was showing some good fire here and it was a lot better than his usual talking.

Mickie James doesn’t trust Alexa Bliss’ offers of friendship, mainly because of the whole Mickie is old stuff from a few months back. Bliss praises her and Mickie wants to know what she wants. Alexa lets it slip that she wants a friend in the Chamber and Mickie isn’t surprised.

Absolution vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James

Mickie headscissors Mandy down to start but it’s off to Sonya for a little more success. An elbow drops Sonya but she’s right back up with shoulders in the corner. A hurricanrana out of the corner gives Mickie a breather so she’s right back up with a Thesz press. Mandy is right back in and hammering Mickie down, only to get caught with a neckbreaker. Sonya runs over to pull Bliss off the apron though, allowing Rose to hit her lifting sitout Pedigree for the pin at 4:03.

Rating: D. This was all it needed to be with Absolution getting a little momentum before the pay per view. I’m hoping the Bliss stuff is just a ruse for the Chamber as turning her face so soon isn’t the brightest idea in the world. I’m sure she could play a face but why do that when she’s so awesome with the character she already has?

Bliss saves James from a post match attack.

Here’s Elias, who Cole and company are now calling the WWE’s Bob Dylan. Elias rips on San Jose for only being an hour away from a real city like San Francisco. We hear about his win last week but Elias doesn’t seem to think much of this crowd. The song is called the Elimination Chamber Blues but Elias won’t sing over the booing. But never mind because he’s sounding really good tonight so he’ll do it anyway. Elias sings about the people he’s going to beat and why none of them have a chance.

Cue Braun Strowman…..with his own chair and microphone. He goes off into the shadows…..and pulls out a freaking string bass, which he puts on his lap like a regular guitar. Naturally that breaks as well but Strowman sings about wanting to hurt Elias anyway. Since he broke it though, there’s only one thing left to do. He throws the bass over his shoulder and carries it to the ring where Elias grabs the guitar. The powerslam crushes Elias and he crawls up the ramp, only to have Strowman crack the bass over his back. This was HILARIOUS and the sight gag of Strowman whipping the bass out was incredible.

Finn Balor says he’ll win tonight.

Roman Reigns vs. Sheamus

Reigns wastes no time in hitting a clothesline to send Sheamus outside for a breather. They slug it out on the floor with Sheamus being whipped into the barricade, only to come back with a Regal Roll. Back from a break with Sheamus working on the ribs before throwing him shoulder first into the post for two. Sheamus slaps on the Cloverleaf for a bit but Reigns powers over to the ropes.

The Samoan drop gives Roman two, followed by White Noise for the same on Reigns. There’s the Superman Punch for two more on Sheamus, only to have him come back with a knee to the face for two of his own. They head outside again with the apron dropkick being clotheslined down. Sheamus goes up top, only to have Reigns spear him out of the air back inside for the pin at 14:24.

Rating: B-. These two can beat each other up with the best of them and that’s what we got here. I liked the idea of having Reigns win here as it’s not like he’s beating anyone else in the Chamber and it’s not like Sheamus losing a singles match means that much to him. Good brawl here, which is all it needed to be.

Ivory Hall of Fame video, which is one of the most amazing displays of dancing around a name having very little business being in the Hall of Fame. They call her title defense at Wrestlemania XVII the peak of her career. For those of you who don’t remember, she was squashed less than three minutes. Oh and ESPN broke the story. They put up a picture of Victoria in their tweet, but they did break the story. Ivory was a good hand in the ring but if you couldn’t get Molly or Victoria this year, it might have been better to just not have a female entrant.

Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy vs. Apollo Crews vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor

One fall to a finish and we’re joined in progress with Crews cleaning house until Balor sends him to the apron for a kick to the head. An Eye of the Hurricane gives Finn two on Bray but Matt has to break up Sister Abigail. Crews and Rollins head up top but it’s Bray breaking up a superplex. The release Rock Bottom into the backsplash is good for two on Crews and we take a break.

Back with Matt applauding Bray before hitting him with the Side Effect. It’s too early for the Twist of Fate though with Rollins making the save. A double Blockbuster takes Crews and Wyatt down, followed by a suicide dive on Wyatt. Back in and one heck of a clothesline gives Bray two on Rollins. The Sling Blade cuts Bray down but Rollins breaks up the Coup de Grace. Bray gets back up so Matt grabs a Twist of Fate for two of his own.

Rollins hits the Curb Stomp on Balor for two with Crews diving in for the save. A pop up Samoan drop into the standing moonsault gives Crews two on Rollins. The standing shooting star gets the same and frustration is setting in. Bray pulls Matt outside for Sister Abigail on the floor to knock him silly. Back in and Bray loads up a superplex on Crews, only to have it reversed into the Tower of Doom. Balor and Rollins cover Wyatt at the same time and it’s a double pin at 16:18.

Rating: B. Fun match and the ending is acceptable enough. I can get the idea that they’re going with of wanting the Wrestlemania moment, assuming you can ignore Cole saying it doesn’t get much bigger than this. You know, if you ignore the match they’re trying to get into for a shot at the bigger match. Anyway, this had a lot of good action and energy, though I’m getting a bit tired of having these free for all matches so often.

They argue and we fade out, with commentary not even saying good night.

Overall Rating: B. For some reason I couldn’t quite bring myself to love what was a pretty awesome show. There was good wrestling up and down the card, an outstanding Strowman segment and a story to get us to the Chamber where Reigns is the most obvious winner ever. I liked almost everything they did tonight though as this was one of the moving day episodes of the show. They got some stuff done and built towards the pay per view while giving us a reason to come back next week. Good show here as they actually did what they were supposed to do.

Results

John Cena b. The Miz – Super AA

Revival b. Anderson and Gallows – Shatter Machine to Anderson

Bayley b. Sasha Banks – Super Bayley to Belly

Absolution b. Mickie James/Alexa Bliss – Lifting sitout facebuster

Roman Reigns b. Sheamus – Spear

Seth Rollins and Finn Balor b. Apollo Crews, Bray Wyatt and Matt Hard – Double pin on Wyatt

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 8, 2003
Location: Von Braun Civic Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re closing in on Unforgiven and the big story is….well I’m not sure actually. Maybe it’s HHH vs. Goldberg? Or is it Shane McMahon vs. Kane? Or is it whatever Vince McMahon and company are up to when he crosses over to this show? Either way last week’s show was the slightest upgrade so hopefully that trend continues. The show is opening with Kane vs. Rob Van Dam inside a steel cage as the annual fight against Monday Night Football begins. Let’s get to it.

I’ve actually already done this show. Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/22/monday-night-raw-september-8-2003-when-the-highlight-of-the-show-is-mollys-hair-youre-in-trouble/

The cage is lowered.

Opening sequence.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Pin or escape to win (I’m assuming submission is implied). Kane jumps Rob on his entrance and the beating is on in a hurry. Van Dam gets a boot up in the corner though and the basement dropkick puts Kane down again. That just earns Rob a trip into the cage and Kane crushes his head against the steel like a violent monster should. Van Dam is already busted so Kane sends him into the cage again.

Kane blocks the kicks and throws him into the cage for the third time in a row. Rob crotches him on top though and a top rope kick to the chest sets up Rolling Thunder. A ram into the cage looks to set up the Five Star but Rob only hits mat. Kane is right back up with an Alley Oop onto the ropes/into the cage. To mix things up, Kane sends him into the cage a few more times, only to break the wall so Rob can fall out for the win.

And of course not because Eric Bischoff is RIGHT THERE to say it had to be over the top or through the door so that doesn’t count. Back from a break with Kane sending him back inside and sending him into the cage over and over again. The door is slammed on Rob’s head but Kane lets him climb halfway up the cage. A few kicks allow Rob to get even further, only to be pulled down for a super chokeslam and the pin.

Rating: D-. Good night this was boring. It was nearly fifteen minutes of Kane throwing him into the cage over and over with nothing changing from beginning to end. Kane is a monster and that’s all well and good, but now I’m supposed to buy Shane McMahon as having a chance against him? After this kind of destruction of a former Intercontinental Champion?

Van Dam is taken out on a stretcher.

We look at Goldberg running through Evolution last week.

Here’s Bischoff for some announcements before Steve Austin gives the State of the Raw Address tonight. First up: Kane vs. Shane is official for Unforgiven. He’s also changing a match at the pay per view. Now it’s going to be JR/King vs. Al Snow/Jonathan Coachman with the winners being the permanent Raw commentators. As for tonight, it’s Goldberg/a mystery partner vs. HHH/a mystery partner with Bischoff picking the partners. The partners are going to be Flair and Orton aren’t they? Also, what does it say that Coach/Snow vs. JR/King is a major upgrade? That’s how bad things were looking.

Lance Storm vs. Rico

After I take a few seconds to get my eyes back in my head from seeing Jackie Gayda here, we see Storm worrying to Goldust about being called boring tonight. Goldust is proud of Storm’s progress though. Last week he was jaywalking and had a double bacon cheeseburger with extra pickles. Goldust: “And who was pleasuring themselves with a pop up book?” Storm: “That was you man.”

Storm even does the Goldust breath and actually does it quite well. Before the match, Rico tries to start the BORING chants but gets RICO SUCKS instead. Storm punches him in the mouth to start and grabs a suplex for two. A rake of the eyes cuts Storm off though and let’s talk about the Unforgiven tag match. Rico’s hiptoss into a neckbreaker gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. Storm comes back with clotheslines and a kiss to Jackie (sexual assault isn’t boring) and a springboard missile dropkick puts Rico away. Storm’s celebration doesn’t work that well given the lack of music.

Bischoff won’t tell HHH who the partner will be. Given that it’s going to be Orton or Flair, I’m not sure why he won’t say anything.

Trish Stratus/Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly/Gail Kim

Having Trish run through all the random partners like this isn’t exactly showcasing any talent or depth to the division. Molly and Jackie get things going as JR thinks the villains are jealous of Trish. Haven’t they said that multiple times already? Jackie rolls her up for two, followed by a basement dropkick for the same on Gail. A double DDT plants Jackie as King says JR needs to be taking notes.

Due to reasons of stupidity brought on by jealousy, Gail throws Jackie over for the tag to Trish. That earns her a Thesz press as Trish starts cleaning house. A headlock takeover/headscissor combination takes both villains down but they toss Trish to the floor for a painful looking crash. That’s actually enough to give Gail the pin.

Rating: D. I’ll certainly take an uninspired motivation over no motivation so the Molly and Gail being jealous of Trish story is fine enough. You can kind of tell what they’re building to with Trish’s eventual partner and there’s nothing wrong with where they’re going. If nothing else, Gail is already improving beyond “she’s a face who can do hurricanranas”. Match was nothing of course, but the crash at the end looked good.

Here’s Austin for the State of Raw Address. He chucks the podium over the top because that’s just not the Steve Austin style. Before we get to Raw though, there’s something he needs to address regarding Unforgiven. HHH vs. Goldberg is title vs. career so HHH is going to do whatever he can to retain the title. Therefore, if HHH gets disqualified, he loses the title.

Moving on, we have Kane running around like a monster and electrocuting a man’s testicles. Note for future reference: Austin shouldn’t say testicles. Anyway, that should warrant Austin whipping Kane but that’s against the rules. After a meeting with his cabinet (his liquor cabinet that is), he’s decided that it sucks and the audience poll agrees.

This brings out Christian before any announcement can be made about Kane, which is rather rude. Christian says that what really sucks is the lack of respect from Austin. He knows he’s not getting an apology and the peepulation in Huntsville is outraged over these developments. Austin: “The entire peepulation thinks you’re an a******.” Christian: “I want my own talk show!”. His win over Jericho last week shows that he’s the real thing around here, so the Highlight Reel should be turned into the Peep Show.

This brings out Jericho and the beatdown is on in a hurry. Now one would assume that’s a face turn, but Jericho immediately starts yelling at Austin. Jericho calls Austin a bully and a failure as a GM, not to mention a human being. He wants to see Austin fired every single day because the Highlight Reel can’t be canceled.

Austin doesn’t intend to cancel the show and offers Jericho a beer. Jericho is on to this game though and isn’t about to provoke Austin into beating him up. Jericho: “If you want to see me drink a beer with Stone Cold Steve Austin, give me a doo wa diddy diddy dum diddy do”. Austin: “That was the absolute worst catchphrase I’ve ever heard in the history of Monday Night Raw”.

Jericho drops the beer Austin throws him though and you can tell things are getting serious. In a funny bit, Austin tosses another one from about a foot away and beer is consumed….but Jericho slaps him on the back. That means a Stunner so beer can fly everywhere, ending this segment which somehow only accomplished adding another stipulation to HHH vs. Goldberg. I mean….am I missing another point to this? Did we really need a five minute Jericho and Austin segment with the same ending that almost all Austin segments have?

La Resistance/Rob Conway/Rodney Mack/Mark Henry vs. Hurricane/Rosey/Dudley Boyz

It’s a brawl to start (shocking) with the good guys cleaning house and D-Von throwing Spike onto La Resistance. Dupree takes What’s Up and it’s already table time. Bubba and Henry have the hoss fight on the floor, leaving Rosey to double clothesline Conway and Dupree. It’s off to Spike, who actually manages to send Mark outside, where he comes up holding his leg. That’ll likely be six months on the shelf.

Hurricane comes in off the hot tag to clean house until Bubba tags himself in for a double Flip Flop and Fly. Spike chases Grenier to the back and Dupree takes a Samoan drop/swinging neckbreaker combination from the heroes. Rosey goes shoulder first into the post, only to have Conway take 3D. Mack gets a Bubba Bomb but Henry is back in with the World’s Strongest Slam to pin Bubba. You can feel the energy go out of the arena on the pin.

Rating: D. This got energetic at the end but a ten man tag needs a heck of a lot more than five minutes to go anywhere. Cut out Spike and Conway and this is a little better but still, too many people trying to do too many things. The act that La Resistance vs. the Dudleys is WAY out of gas at this point didn’t help either.

Post match La Resistance tries the double spinebuster over the top to put Spike through a table but leave him WAY too short, sending the back of his head off the edge of the table, which doesn’t break. Oh but they do put Hurricane through the table to no reaction because the fans are worried that Spike has a broken neck. So they’re boring and can’t do a table spot safely. Well done guys. But hey, at least they can get cheap anti-American heat and that validates everything.

And now, after one of the scariest looking botches you’ll ever see (though Spike seemed to be ok), let’s go to Coach, Snow and Bischoff making fun of JR and King. How many people even know they’re the Heat commentators? Better yet, why are they the Heat commentators? After that comedic brilliance, Bischoff makes a six man tables match with La Resistance/Rob Conway vs. the Dudleys at Unforgiven. Coach and Snow have something in store for JR tonight but Gail Kim comes in to want to talk to Eric. This includes shoving him into a locker and sitting on his lap. Ok then.

HHH compares Goldberg to a can of YJ Stinger (energy drink sponsor). The difference is the Stinger gets the job done and Goldberg is nothing but hype.

We look back at the cage match and Van Dam being destroyed.

Unforgiven rundown. All these matches that feel like leftovers from previous pay per views are making me think of spoiled milk.

Shane McMahon is in WWE Studios in Connecticut for an interview but Bischoff interrupts and makes Kane vs. Shane a Last Man Standing match. Again, because Shane isn’t a wrestler and can’t have a regular match. Shane: “Screw you Eric.” Eric: “I just screwed you.”

Gail, now minus the coat she had when she went to see Bischoff, adjusts her top while telling Molly that the deal went through and they’ll finish Trish next week.

Scott Steiner vs. Steven Richards

Victoria, Test and Stacy Keibler are here. Steiner throws him into the corner to start but Test’s distraction lets Steven grab a neckbreaker for two. That just earns him an overhead suplex and some chops in the corner. There’s the push-up elbow but Steiner decides to bring Victoria in instead. Test gives Steiner a full nelson slam for two but the Stevie Kick is blocked. Steiner’s Flatliner is good for the pin.

Post match Steiner says Stacy should be with him again so let’s have ANOTHER Test vs. Steiner match for Stacy’s services. This time though, Steiner’s services are on the line as well. Therefore, if Test wins, Steiner has to watch Test and Stacy. That took quite the turn and that’s not exactly something I need to see.

Next up: Bischoff announcing Flair and Orton as HHH and Goldberg’s partners.

Actually we get Coach and Snow in the ring for the “comedy”. It’s the old (and bad) someone’s face on unfunny pictures with a theme of what JR could do after he’s fired. Several involve JR being some sort of woman, or a mule at the end. JR comes to the ring, gets insulted some more and punches Coach out. What is this? Four segments on a match between announcers, a part time wrestler and a commentator? Against the debut of Monday Night Football?

Goldberg doesn’t know who his partner is and doesn’t care. It’s going to be Flair or Orton. I don’t know why this is in any kind of doubt because it’s the only thing Bischoff would logically do.

Goldberg/??? vs. HHH/???

And of course the partners are Orton and Flair respectively.

No match as the beatdown is on and the cage is lowered, trapping them all inside. King of course says that means no one can get in to save them, not understanding the concept of “there is no roof”. Goldberg fights back for a bit until a chair shot takes him down. The bloody Goldberg is beaten down but falls out of the first Pedigree attempt to make this look even worse. The second one Pedigree actually works and HHH talks a lot of trash to end the show. You knew this was coming when Goldberg looked dominant last week because AT BEST he’s allowed to go 50/50 with HHH.

Overall Rating: D-. There were a few spots in there that weren’t as dark as others but that’s as good as I can go. The problem here is it felt like the punted with Monday Night Football being sure to dominate the night. That makes sense, but it’s not a good sign when so much of the show is a repeat or continuation of a story that has been going on FAR too long now. Get to Unforgiven so we can get past it because this is all bad stuff at the moment.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 5, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman, Corey Graves

We’re less than a month away from Elimination Chamber and that means we need to fill in the Chambers. Three men have already qualified for their match and tonight we’ll have another name added as Roman Reigns faces Bray Wyatt. Other than that we might get some more updates on John Cena’s weird actions last week so let’s get to it.

Bray Wyatt talks about his greatest victory taking place inside the Elimination Chamber. When he looks at Reigns, all he sees is a string of failures. Tonight, that string continues.

Reigns says the failures and successes are the marks of a great journey. He’ll spear Wyatt in half and march on to Wrestlemania to take Suplex City apart. Ignore Reigns reading this off a card.

The announcers are back near the stage instead of at ringside like they were for most of last week.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns

They trade headlocks to start until Reigns powers him into the corner. A charge misses though to give Bray two as Matt Hardy is watching in the back. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Reigns fights back and clotheslines him to the floor. The apron dropkick is broken up with a hard clothesline and Reigns is sent into the steps as we take a break. Back with Wyatt holding a reverse chinlock until Reigns grabs a Samoan drop.

Bray runs him over with the crossbody and takes Reigns to the corner. The superplex attempt is reversed into a powerbomb for two on Bray and Wyatt is in trouble. He’s fine enough to counter the Superman Punch into a release Rock Bottom and the backsplash gets two. Reigns’ spear is blocked and Sister Abigail gets two and it’s time to just unload with right hands. Another Sister Abigail is blocked and the spear (which was a shove minus any significant contact) sends Reigns to the Chamber at 14:50.

Rating: C+. These two have solid chemistry but that was a bad ending. Reigns just shrugs everything off and mostly misses a spear for the pin. It’s also REALLY hard to buy Reigns as being in jeopardy when you know full well what’s coming at Wrestlemania. But let’s just act like there’s drama there and hope for the best right?

Post match Matt Hardy comes in and hits a Twist of Fate on Bray.

Seth Rollins is worried about Jason Jordan being too injured to help the team tonight.

Finn Balor vs. Dash Wilder

Hang on a second as Scott Dawson wants to make this a tag match if Balor wants to pick one of his buddies to be his partner. We’ve got a deal.

Finn Balor/Karl Anderson vs. Revival

Anderson and Wilder get things going with neither being able to get very far. Instead everything breaks down in a hurry and it’s Revival being sent to the floor in a heap as we take an early break. Back with Dawson holding Finn in an armbar until Balor fights up without too much effort. Anderson gets the hot tag and cleans house, including a spinebuster for two on Dawson. It’s back to Balor for the Sling Blade, followed by the shotgun dropkick on Dawson. The Coup de Grace is good for the pin on Scott at 8:10.

Rating: C. Perfectly fine match here and while I wouldn’t have had the Revival lose (again), at least they’re losing to wrestlers who can get something out of it and aren’t in their 50s. That being said, it would be nice to see Revival either succeed or fail in back to back weeks for a change instead of getting my hopes up and wildly dashing them the next.

Sasha Banks is watching her match with Asuka from last week when Bayley comes in to say Sasha needs to stop torturing herself. Sasha wants to prove that she’s still the Boss around here. Bayley brings up Sasha eliminating her from the Rumble and Sasha says she’d do it again in the Chamber. As usual, the scene was fine but the promos sounded terrible because they were reading off a script instead of being allowed to sound natural.

Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali vs. Tony Nese/Drew Gulak

205 Live GM Drake Maverick is on commentary. Nese shoves Ali around to start and it’s off to Cedric in a hurry. Tony powers him down as well and it’s off to Gulak for an ax handle to the ribs. Cedric is sat on the top rope and a hard clothesline from Gulak sends him down onto his shoulder.

A missed charge sends Nese into the corner and the hot tag brings in Ali for a high dropkick. The tornado DDT gets two on Gulak with Nese making the save. Cedric is right back up with a HUGE flip dive to take Nese down but Gulak rolls through Ali’s high crossbody for two. A blind tag brings in Cedric and it’s the springboard clothesline into the Lumbar Check to end Gulak at 4:18.

Rating: C-. The energy was good but, again, they’re not exactly doing anything we haven’t seen before. What they are doing though is putting the bigger matches on 205 Live and leaving this nothing match on Raw. That was a huge problem for months and hopefully this is a big step in fixing things.

Here’s General Manager Kurt Angle to announce who will be joining Alexa Bliss in the Elimination Chamber. Challenging Bliss will be Bayley, Mandy Rose, Mickie James, Sonya Deville and Sasha Banks. You may notice the lack of Nia Jax, who will be facing Asuka at the pay per view. If Jax wins, she’ll be added to the Women’s Title match at Wrestlemania to make it a triple threat.

Cue Alexa Bliss to say this is unfair. She wants to know why there’s a double standard going on. Why is she fighting in the Chamber while Brock Lesnar just has to face the winner? Alexa thinks it’s sexist so Angle polls the audience on their opinion. The fans chant YES but Bliss walks out.

John Cena is ready to fight his way to Wrestlemania and winning a triple threat match tonight is the perfect way to get there.

Bayley vs. Asuka

Bayley grabs a hammerlock to start but her shoulder block just annoys Asuka. A slugout goes to Asuka and she takes Bayley down with ease. Asuka speeds things up but gets knocked off the top and out to the floor. Bayley slides out for a hurricanrana but a hip attack sends her into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Asuka elbowing her way to freedom but having another hip attack countered into a hard belly to back suplex for two. Asuka knees her in the head though and a hard kick to the back drops Bayley again. Now the hip attack connects again but Asuka misses a high crossbody. Bayley knees her in the head for two but Asuka grabs the Asuka Lock over the ropes.

That’s broken up with a Stunner to send them outside but Bayley has to stop the YES Kicks back inside. They Bayley to Belly is countered and the Asuka Lock goes most of the way on. A rollup gives Bayley a VERY close two (I bought it for a second) but the cross armbreaker makes Bayley tap at 11:14.

Rating: B. That’s Bayley’s best match in a long time because they played to her strengths: fighting from behind against a better opponent that she shouldn’t be beating. She’s good with hope spots, even if there’s no reason to believe Asuka was going to lose. The drama helped and Bayley was working hard to get in a good match.

Post match Bayley shakes Asuka’s hand.

Miz is here for his Elimination Chamber qualifying match and says his star has never been brighter. Two weeks ago, he defeated Roman Reigns to get the Intercontinental Title back and it was the highest rated show in four years. See, now that’s the kind of heel logic we need to see more often. He’s going to win the Chamber and move on to Wrestlemania where the reality show cameras will be rolling and his daughter will be born to see him win the Universal Title.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: The Miz vs. Apollo Crews

Joined in progress with Crews holding Miz in a delayed vertical suplex. We hit a pinfall reversal sequence for two each until Crews hits his Ultimate Warrior gorilla press drop. The standing moonsault hits knees though and Miz grabs a bodyscissors. Back up and Crews hits a sliding kick to the head to take over again, including catching the running corner clothesline. Now a standing moonsault into a standing shooting star combine for two on Miz but he crotches Crews on top. The Skull Crushing Finale sends Miz to the Chamber at 5:27.

Rating: C. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Crews is getting better and better with the character work and a lot of that is due to Titus Worldwide. It’s certainly not a strong gimmick or character but it’s better than nothing and that’s an upgrade at this point. If he can go somewhere off that, he could be a breakout star. For now though, just settle for good performances.

Jordan has hurt his neck and is out of the match tonight. Rollins needs a new partner so here’s Roman Reigns to take the spot.

Tag Team Titles: Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins vs. The Bar

Rollins and Reigns are challenging. Sheamus shoulders Rollins down to start and it’s quickly off to Cesaro. This goes a bit better for Rollins who knocks Cesaro into the corner, allowing the hot tag off to Reigns. It’s time to start on Cesaro’s arm and everything breaks down in a hurry.

Seth’s suicide dive is countered into the Irish Curse and Reigns is sent into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Reigns in trouble in the corner as the Bar takes turns hammering him down. Sheamus is smart enough to knock Rollins of the apron but walks into a Superman Punch. Cue Jordan to help Rollins up to the apron so he can get the hot tag from Reigns. Everything breaks down and it’s a Blockbuster to Cesaro, followed by a suicide dive to Sheamus.

Back in and the Sling Blade gets two on Cesaro as Rollins is on a roll. The suplex into the Falcon Arrow gets two more before Jordan trips Cesaro up. Reigns tells Jordan to get out as Cesaro eats the wind-up knee. Sheamus dives into a superkick but Cesaro breaks up the DoubleBomb. Jordan won’t let the Bar leave though, eventually punching them both for the DQ at 13:33.

Rating: B-. I know we’re still waiting on the heel turn from Jordan and I think this is about all we’re going to get. Rollins and Reigns were rolling here but they were smart to not change the titles here. If Jordan’s injury is as severe as it’s rumored to be, I have no idea who Rollins is supposed to face going forward though. This tag stuff has run its course and he needs something better in the future, which Jordan wasn’t going to be no matter how healthy he was.

We look at Braun Strowman destroying Kane last week.

Strowman is ready to hurt Cena and Elias.

Jordan and Rollins are still arguing when Angle comes in. Seth wishes he was the one who hurt Jordan but Kurt says that’s too far. Jason tries to defend himself but Angle screams at him to go home and stay home until he’s cleared.

Video on Nia Jax.

Nia Jax vs. Vanessa Floyd

A toss, a splash, a gorilla press drop and the big leg for the pin at 1:13.

Post match Nia says she doesn’t fear Asuka and Asuka is going to be wearing the mask permanently. After Elimination Chamber, Asuka will be the empress of yesterday.

Sonya Deville vs. Mickie James

Sonya takes her down to start and drives Mickie into the corner, only to have James slug away with right hands. One of the shots might have broken Sonya’s nose so Mickie adds some knees to the face, followed by a running kick to the chest for two. A hurricanrana out of the corner is broken up by a Mandy distraction and Sonya kicks away to keep her in trouble. Mickie grabs a very quick rollup out of nowhere for the pin at 3:37.

Rating: C-. They were hitting each other hard here and that made for an entertaining match. Mickie can certainly still go and was a heck of a hire for the division, meaning she’ll be awesome in the Chamber as well. The Chamber should be a lot of fun and if they book it right could make for a heck of a fight. That being said, if they don’t do things the right way (the lack of a monster is REALLY going to hurt things), it could be a mess.

Post match Absolution beats Mickie down until Bliss makes the save. That’s a very smart move as Bliss continues to try and make an alliance because she knows she’s done otherwise.

Next week: Finn Balor vs. Apollo Crews vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy for the last Chamber spot.

Here’s Elias to play for a bit, even though he hates small towns like this one. Normally he flies over it but tonight he’s stuck here, just before he takes over all of WWE. He skipped performing at the Super Bowl Halftime Show to be here but this song is for him. The song is about how Strowman is just a man and after this it’s on to Brock. Cue Cena to interrupt though and we’re ready to go.

John Cena vs. Braun Strowman vs. Elias

The winner gets to enter the Chamber in the six spot. That’s quite unfair as the two who qualified tonight don’t have a chance to get in. Why? Just because they weren’t booked last week? What bias. Elias bails to the floor to start so Strowman kicks Cena in the face as we take an early break.

Back with Strowman chasing Elias around the ring, only to get caught in an AA. Well an AA attempt at least as Cena collapses under the weight. Elias is clotheslined out to the floor but some double teaming keeps Strowman in trouble. A double clothesline puts Strowman on the floor and a pair of whips into the post keep him down.

The guitar over the back into the AA onto the steps have Strowman knocked silly but Elias uses the rest of the guitar on Cena. A backbreaker gives Elias two on Cena but he comes back with the finishing sequence. The Shuffle doesn’t work though as Braun is back in with the running powerslam on Cena. Elias escapes one of his own and sends Strowman to the floor before stealing the pin on Cena at 9:58.

Rating: D+. This was much shorter than I was expecting and while the surprise ending does help, I needed a little more than this one. Strowman as the unstoppable monster was a good idea, but it would help a bit if he wasn’t just there as the big guy to be vanquished by Reigns.

Post match Strowman powerslams both guys multiple times to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this show more than I would have expected, which might have been aided by the nine matches in three hours. They advanced a bunch of stuff for the Chamber and that’s only going to help with two shows left to go. Hopefully things continue to move forward next week so we can start the proper build towards Wrestlemania. Good show this week.

Results

Roman Reigns b. Bray Wyatt – Spear

Finn Balor/Karl Anderson b. Revival – Coup de Grace to Dawson

Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali b. Tony Nese/Drew Gulak – Lumbar Check to Gulak

Asuka b. Bayley – Cross armbreaker

The Miz b. Apollo Crews – Skull Crushing Finale

The Bar b. Seth Rollins/Roman Reigns via DQ when Jason Jordan interfered

Nia Jax b. Vanessa Floyd – Legdrop

Mickie James b. Sonya Deville – Rollup

Elias b. John Cena and Braun Strowman – Running powerslam to Cena

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 16, 2006
Location: RBC Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

Another request and this time around it’s for a pretty simple reason. I’m not sure the match was announced in advance so we’ll save that for later, but it’s one of those matches that you hear and say either “well of course he did” or you’re so confused that you don’t know which way to go next. Let’s get to it.

I’ve already done the show before this one, which you can see here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/07/26/monday-night-raw-january-9-2006-live-sex-celebration/

It’s the Martin Luther King Jr. Day show and you know Vince is going to make sure to cover that one. That’s still cool yet kind of surprising at the same time.

Opening sequence.

The match was indeed known in advance: Edge vs. Ric Flair for the WWE Championship in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. I mean….what?

We look at Kurt Angle moving to Smackdown to become the new World Heavyweight Champion (due to Batista tearing his tricep and being put on the shelf for about six months). He’s facing Shawn Michaels tonight because this is a heck of a stacked show.

Here are Edge and Lita (just…..yeah) to open things up. People have been saying Edge stole his title from Cena at New Year’s Revolution but he won it fair and square. He’s absolutely right actually. That’s how Money in the Bank works and now he’s the WWE Champion. Edge calls the shots and now he gets to call the shots, which included a live sex celebration last week. Apparently that offended some people and that’s just too bad.

The end of last week’s show was the highest rated ending to Raw in two years (erg) and the day after he won the title, over 25 million people were on WWE.com (I repeat my previous erg. Wrestlers shouldn’t care about that stuff.). That makes him the most watched WWE Champion of all time. That makes quite the assumption. I might have been on there playing Out Think the Fink.

As for the people who didn’t like it, we see a clip of Ric Flair taking a Conchairto for interfering last week. Later tonight he’s going to finish Flair off in a TLC match but for right now, he wants live, uninterrupted sex with Lita right here. Obviously he’s not a Rocky fan because WOMEN WEAKEN LEGS. A chair is brought in and Lita removes Edge’s shirt before climbing on top of him.

Cue Kurt Angle with manager Daivari (King: “Can’t we just have some live sex?”) for the YOU SUCK chants with Angle saying were directed at Lita. Angle says tricks like this make him a joke while people like him know he’s the real thing. Edge says it made him smart and a challenge is made for a title unification match. That’s not happening because Edge isn’t lowering himself to fight Angle.

That means a release German suplex but here’s Vince McMahon to interrupt. He wants the two scheduled matches to take place tonight so Edge needs to go get ready. Vince: “And cover yourself up!” As for Angle, he’ll be facing Shawn tonight, but it’s a non-title match. Instead, Shawn is fighting for his contract and is gone if he loses. Long segment here but Edge is relishing this role and nailing it so far. Throw in Wrestling Machine Kurt Angle and Lita at perhaps her hottest ever and this was awesome on a variety of levels.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

Non-title but Shawn’s job is on the line. Shawn stares at Vince on the way to the ring because that’s one of the top stories of 2006. Joined in progress after a break with Shawn chasing Daivari around the ring before heading back inside for a headlock on the mat. Angle fights up and stomps away in the corner, only to get the skin chopped off of his chest. That doesn’t seem to both Angle though, who comes out with an overhead belly to belly. A hard German suplex gives Kurt two and we hit a bodyscissors.

Back up and Shawn chops him again but gets sent hard into the corner. The Angle Slam is countered into a DDT for two but Daivari low bridges Shawn to the floor. That earns Daivari a superkick, only to have Angle hit the Angle Slam on the floor as we take a break. Back with Angle having a belly to belly superplex broken up but running the corner to hit the super Angle Slam for two instead. A desperation Sweet Chin Music is countered into the ankle lock which Shawn reverses into a small package for two of his own.

The forearm into the nip up just earns Shawn another ankle lock but this one is kicked off in short order. Angle gets knocked down to set up a weird looking missed top rope elbow. The ankle lock goes on again and Shawn flails, eventually hitting Daivari as a bonus. Angle gets the grapevine but Daivari brings in a chair and Kurt lets go for some reason. As you might expect, Daivari swings the chair and this Angle, knocking him into a rollup to give Shawn the pin.

Rating: B. These two have very solid chemistry and make their matches look easy. The ending was a little bit messy but at least it keeps the new champion from losing clean. I mean, they could have had it be a countout or something but why do that when you can have him get pinned? Still though, very entertaining match here and that’s all you would have expected.

Angle yells at Daivari….who slaps him in the face. An Angle Slam over the top has Daivari looking rather dead.

During the break, Angle dumps Daivari.

Maria Kanellis, still the incredibly annoying and ditzy interviewer (that’s not a bad thing), shows Chris Masters Carlito turning on him at New Year’s Revolution. Masters blames Carlito for the loss and promises to win the Royal Rumble. Oh and tonight, John Cena is losing the Master Lock Challenge.

Ashley Massaro (never got the appeal and she was terrible in the ring) is worried about the six woman tag tonight but Trish Stratus tells her to calm down. The crazy lesbian stalker Mickie James (their partner tonight) comes in and apologizes for attacking Ashley last week. Psycho Mickie worked so well.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge. Masters introduces Cena as the former WWE Champion and we’re ready to go. We get a rare very pro-Cena chant as he sits down in the chair but Cena grabs the arm before the hold can go on. The hold goes on a few seconds later and Cena tries a variety of escapes to no avail. Cena fights up again and almost breaks it but here’s Edge for a belt shot to the head.

Shawn is having his ankle looked at when Vince comes in. Vince tells him to get out of the building before moving over to Ric Flair, on the trainer’s mat next to him. Last week Ric interrupted Vince’s celebration and tonight, Flair can make the magic happen one more time. Vince’s mistress Candice Michelle comes in and asks Vince to critique her match. She does her stupid dance and even Flair is giving this a look to say it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever seen.

Candice Michelle/Torrie Wilson/Victoria vs. Trish Stratus/Mickie James/Ashley

If there is ANY justice in the world, this will be all Trish/Mickie/Victoria. Torrie has her dog with her and Victoria is in her weird short/curlier hair phase (not a bad look, just very different than her usual one). But hang on: before the match we need a behind the scenes look at Candice Michelle’s GoDaddy commercial. In other words, it’s her in a white tank top washing windows. To be fair, they’re not trying to hide what they’re going for here and she makes jokes about the whole thing.

Victoria cranks on Trish’s arm to start (thank goodness) until a rollup gives Trish two. A headscissors out of the corner looks to set up Stratusfaction but Candice comes in, meaning Trish has to headscissor her down as well (with Trish’s tights going rather far down in the process). Ashley gets the hot tag, much to Mickie’s annoyance. She’s so annoyed that she spears Ashley down, setting up the Widow’s Peak for the pin.

As usual, it’s SO weird anymore to see the women as nothing but eye candy with the wrestling being a detail to look at them in their revealing outfits. Total mess of course but at least they had the right wrestlers in there for the most part. To tell you what Torrie meant here, she held the dog while standing on the apron.

Rob Van Dam is back in the Royal Rumble after missing a year of action due to a torn ACL.

Carlito takes credit for keeping Van Dam on the injured list even longer. The fans chant for RVD but Carlito doesn’t want to hear it because he’s going to win the Royal Rumble. No one on Raw or Smackdown can throw him over the top, and that’s cool. Kane, over the top, next segment.

A production guy tells Vince that a woman wants to see him. Vince thinks it’s Candice and says make her wait a minute.

Post break Vince is ready for her and starts stripping but instead it’s…..Mama Benjamin (a rather large woman played by a comedienne who managed her son Shelton Benjamin), who throws money at him. She wants to know why Shelton isn’t wrestling tonight while Shelton looks like he wants to die. Vince agrees to give him a match and Mama tells him to go get ready. Shelton leaves and Mama tells Vince to call her when he wants some chocolate thunder. Vince shivers as she leaves.

Royal Rumble rundown. All two matches announced so far.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Big Show

Show has a broken hand. Mama Benjamin is terrified (Shelton: “He just tall. That’s all Mama.”) and Show backs both of them into the corner. To his credit, Show opens the ropes for her (Mama: “You do the best you can son.”) and we’re ready to go. Show drops him without much effort but hurts the hand again. Shelton is smart enough to send the hand into the post and hits it again to break up the chokeslam. A fall away slam sends Shelton outside but here’s HHH (who broke Show’s hand) for a distraction, resulting in a countout win for Shelton.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. Ric Flair

Edge is defending in a TLC match, the first ever singles version. Flair’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. Ric goes over to hug his 19 year old daughter Ashley, better known as Charlotte. Lita has changed tops, likely for the sake of the censors, but the Edge tank top works perfectly well too. Oh and Flair has a concussion thanks to Edge, just in case there weren’t enough details coming into this.

Flair chops away in the corner to start but Edge decks him in the jaw to take over. It’s already time for the first ladder, which goes into Flair’s head but actually doesn’t draw blood. Edge puts him inside the ladder and crushes it with a chair, which somehow doesn’t kill Flair. They head outside with Edge being chopped into the crowd but Flair follows him out instead of, you know, going to win the title.

Back to ringside with Edge suplexing Flair on the floor. Lita starts getting the chairs ready as Edge puts Flair on a table. The Conchairto is broken up by a testicular claw and Edge is tossed into the barricade. Lita gets slammed down as well but Edge gets in a chair shot to finally bust Flair open. It almost makes me feel better to have it happen instead of waiting on it for so long.

Edge heads back in and hits a HUGE splash to put Flair through the table on the floor. There is blood everywhere and Flair’s family is panicking as we take a break. Back with Flair having a 1980s level of blood but still being able to put Edge inside a ladder for some chair shots. Flair cracks him with another chair shot and then just shoves a ladder onto him. A few shots to the ankle have Flair loading up the ladder but he moves it to the corner instead.

Flair goes up and of course gets superplexed back down for a double knockdown. Edge hits him low but misses a missile dropkick off the ladder. He’s fine enough to chair Flair in the head though and it’s time to climb. Somehow Ric is up and turns the ladder over, sending Edge through a table at ringside in a HUGE crash. Lita breaks up the climb though, which just makes me want to see Lita vs. Charlotte. That earns Lita a Figure Four as Edge is still down. Flair’s ultra slow climb lets Edge get up though and the slug it out on top of the ladder. Naturally Edge gets the better of it and retains the title.

Rating: C+. I never feel right watching Flair in something like this. The guy is nearly sixty and putting his body through something like this with all the blood and violence when he’s more than capable of having a good regular match. I get the idea behind it (if nothing else just saying “Flair in a TLC match” is a draw) but I wish they could come up with something better than this. It’s an entertaining match, but not something I’m comfortable watching.

Post match Edge spears him down and loads up the Conchairto, only to have Cena come in for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This show is such a time capsule as you have Cena being the super face, the women being worthless in the ring yet oozing sex appeal in something that’s not around nearly as strong today (which isn’t a bad thing), throwing a TLC match and Shawn vs. Angle on free TV and acting like Carlito and Chris Masters could ever have any kind of main event value. The show was fun, but it really isn’t something I’d want to watch week to week. It feels like it would get very grating in short order, but for a one off it was rather fun.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 1, 2003
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Wrestling please. Last week’s show was about everything but wrestling and I’d like to see that change this time around. The McMahons were all over last week’s show, along with various things such as attempted murder and bragging about sexual assault. That’s not what I was expecting on a wrestling show so hopefully it’s not here this time around. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kane’s path of rage, leading to Shane burning him alive (again) last week. There’s going to be a crazy amount of Shane tonight isn’t there?

Opening sequence.

JR let us know that Kane is NOT dead. Well that’s quite the start to the show.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jonathan Coachman

Well at least they’re getting it out of the way early. Coach wears University of Texas gear to tick JR off even further. Lawler gets tired of Coach circling him and punches him in the jaw to start us off. A belly to back suplex gets King out of a suplex….and here’s Al Snow (Coach’s broadcast partner on Heat) to say stop this. Coach gets back inside anyway and is wristlocked into an armbar. Lawler lets go so Coach heads outside and tells Snow he can do this, only to get punched down again. As you might expect, it’s a ruse with Snow posting Lawler so Coach can drop an elbow for the pin.

Rating: F. This is what they used to start Monday Night Raw. Not as filler later on, but during the first ten minutes of the show. It’s not going to appeal to the mainstream wrestling fans because they would know Al Snow as a comedy guy and it’s not going to appeal to the hardcore fans because it’s Jonathan Coachman. What is the thought process here, and why wasn’t it “no one is going to care about this” before moving on?

Terri asks Shane McMahon about burning Kane last week while mentioning that Kane “disappeared” from the dumpster. Shane hopes he’s still burning. Whatever keeps this story off TV.

Coach and Snow are celebrating when Eric Bischoff joins them. Steve Austin comes in and isn’t happy before going into the arena, despite it being time for the Highlight Reel. The set is quickly tossed to the floor and Austin has a beer. Please don’t spill it on that sweet carpet. First, Austin would like JR to stand up. Austin has been hearing that JR is Stone Cold’s boy and he’s getting sick of it. At Unforgiven, it’s Coach vs. JR (seriously), along with Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton.

Austin talks about the main event of Goldberg vs. HHH with Goldberg’s career on the line. Therefore, the fans in Lafayette, Louisiana should get to see Goldberg in a six man tag when he teams up with Maven/Shawn Michaels vs. Evolution. Austin is ready to go but cue an angry Chris Jericho to interrupt.

Jericho yells about the set being destroyed and how much it costs. Austin: “Yes I know because I wrote the check.” Jericho offers to forgive Austin if he’ll kiss Chris’ boots but it’s a middle finger instead. Now it’s Christian, who wants an apology for last week. Austin says no but does give Christian a match tonight. Jericho is ready for a tag match but Austin had something else in mind. This did what it needed to do but EGADS are they serious with this Coach vs. JR stuff? Like I said earlier: who in the world is this supposed to be appealing to?

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Chris Jericho

Christian is defending and the fans immediately call this boring. What else do you want here? Coach vs. King II? King rejoins commentary and the match ignoring can begin. Feeling out process to start with Jericho, in street clothes, having to skin the cat early on. Back in and some right hands in the corner don’t have much effect on Jericho so he grabs a rollup for two, much to Christian’s annoyance. Christian: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???” Jericho: “Trying to be the champion!” Ask a simple question, get a simple answer.

They slug it out with Jericho being knocked to the floor but sending Christian into the steps for his efforts. Back in and Jericho chokes with the wrist tape like a real Canadian villain. Christian gets two off the reverse DDT backbreaker and chokes as well. A reverse tornado DDT gives Christian two but Jericho kicks the referee into the ropes to crotch the champ on top. As usual though, that’s not a DQ because the rules change almost by the minute.

The Lionsault hits knees but the Unprettier is countered into a Walls attempt with Christian reversing into a small package. Back up and Jericho’s spinning crossbody (off a turnbuckle with the pad removed) takes the referee down by mistake. The belt is brought in and Jericho’s bad looking Flashback (with Christian falling out of his grip) getting two. Jericho rolls him up with the tights for two but Christian reverses into one of his own, grabbing the ropes to retain.

Rating: C+. This started slowly but got better as things went on and you saw what kind of dastardly things they were willing to do to win the match. It fits them perfectly to be winning to cheat their best friend to get ahead, making the ending that much better. The fans wanted to see Jericho win here but he’s still a solid heel.

Shane McMahon is in the back when Austin comes up to him and says it might be best if Shane leaves. Shane thinks he’ll stick around actually. Well you can’t get the TV time from anywhere else. Unless you’re Linda that is.

Video on Goldberg dominating the Elimination Chamber until HHH destroyed him. Again: remember who is really in charge around here.

HHH is sick of hearing about Goldberg and starts the chant by mistake. Goldberg isn’t a wrestler but rather a mass marketed version of what someone thought a wrestler should be (I wonder who he’s talking about…). HHH is the best there is and the best in the game so he’ll end Goldberg’s mystique at Unforgiven. Goldberg comes in to say he’ll hurt HHH….later tonight because he wants HHH to think about it. The levels of ineptness when it comes to Goldberg continue to amaze me.

Trish Stratus/Ivory vs. Gail Kim/Molly Holly

King: “JR do you think Trish has a VCR?” JR: “A video recorder?” King: “No. A very cute rear.” Oh good grief go fight Coach again. The villains jump Trish and Ivory to start with Gail chopping Ivory up against the ropes. The spunky Ivory fights out because spunky is pretty much her entire character. JR thinks jealously might be the reason Molly and Gail hate Trish while Lawler thinks it’s just because women hate each other.

Gail misses a charge in the corner and Ivory sunset flips Molly for two. Ivory gets choked against the ropes and Molly grabs an over the shoulder backbreaker of all things. That’s escaped in short order and the hot tag brings in Trish as everything breaks down. Gail breaks up the Stratusphere on Molly and a double powerbomb ends Trish.

Rating: D+. This story continues to go nowhere and adding Ivory isn’t going to help anything because she’s just there for the sake of being a warm body. So Gail and Molly are jealous of Trish and Trish goes and gets Ivory to help her? That’s how low the depth is on the women’s roster? This story is a black hole of charisma and it’s not showing any signs of getting better. That finish looked good though.

Post match Ivory takes a double DDT.

Shane goes to leave but runs into Vince McMahon, who is on both shows again. Vince has a right to be here and while he hasn’t been the best father, he’s concerned about Shane. That doesn’t fly with the son, who wants to deal with this in the ring. In other words we need to get another long talking segment between these two.

Shane comes to the arena to call out Vince but he gets Eric Bischoff instead. After Shane says he’s not exactly scared here, Eric makes a threat….but gets cut off by Kane, who sneaks in from behind. Shane is sent into and smashed with the steps before Kane cuffs him to the post. With Shane’s legs pinned down by the steps, Kane pours water over him and pulls out a battery with some jumper cables. He attaches the cables to Shane’s crotch and electrocutes him until Rob Van Dam runs out for the save with a chair. Rob frees Shane’s testicles and beats Kane up even more.

I remembered the electrocution going on longer but maybe it was just because the story was dumb. Again: they’ve wasted their big moment with Kane and having him face Shane on pay per view in a street fight or whatever isn’t going to make up for a lot of this stuff. Kane should be in the World Title hunt but we’re getting this instead.

Bischoff makes Kane vs. Van Dam in a cage next week.

Hurricane/Rosey vs. La Resistance

Non-title. Hurricane armdrags Dupree to start as JR thinks Kane was planning to torture Shane tonight. Good thing he had a plan ready that includes Shane bumping into Vince in the back and saying he wanted to deal with this in the ring. Grenier sends Hurricane into the corner and we hit the bearhug as JR and King talk strategy for JR vs. Coach.

Now the discussion shifts to Kane attacking Linda and JR saying he won’t be a swimsuit model. Geez people can you please at least pretend that this that this match matters? Rosey gets in a splash for two as everything breaks down. Hurricane’s high crossbody gets two but Rob Conway (JR: “The master of disguise!” He’s in jeans and a sleeveless shirt here.) comes in with a belt shot to give Grenier the pin.

Rating: D-. Commentary is getting really annoying here as it’s all about ANYTHING else as they can’t even focus on a four minute match. Are the fans really going to stop caring if we’re not talking about Kane every second of every day? If it mattered that much, they would be doing something bigger for him than the Shane feud. I mean, I know WWE thinks Shane is the greatest thing since Stephanie, but not everyone else goes with that line of thinking.

Post match Grenier wants tables but here are the Dudleys for the save as this feud keeps going.

Maven has been wanting to be in this position since he came to WWE (All that time huh?) but Evolution comes in to laugh at him.

Post break Shawn comes in to see Maven, who has earned this. I know they’re trying with Maven but come on already. Hurricane has earned this more than he has.

Teddy Long asks Steve Austin why Rodney Mack and Mark Henry didn’t get the Intercontinental Title shot tonight. Austin says they got bumped and that’s that. He keeps walking and bumps into Rob Van Dam. Rob is cool with the cage match next week but wants it to start the show. Austin grants the request, mainly because next week is the season premiere of Monday Night Football.

Stacy Keibler calls Test a jerk and she doesn’t trust him. Egads that’s harsh for the man treating you like a sex slave. Test brings up the Testicles bit and says people can love them again. Everything will be fine.

Steven Richards/Victoria vs. Test/Stacy Keibler

This is intergender, meaning men can face women. Test and Stacy come out to the Legs song. As they come to the ring, the match is announced as No DQ. Test punches Steven to start and brings Stacy in (Why would she accept the tag?) to kick him in the ribs. Victoria gets in a cheap shot though and shouts about Stacy being a Barbie.

It’s back to Steven for a few spanks but he loads up a pumphandle, drawing Test in for a clothesline. Stacy crawls over for the tag and Test drops to the floor (JR: “Did Test slip off the apron?”). He comes back in and holds her for a slap from Victoria, who hits Test by mistake. Steven beats Test up and clotheslines Stacy, drawing in Scott Steiner for the save. Test kicks Victoria in the face by mistake (aiming for Steiner), giving Stacy the pin.

Rating: F. The Rock N Roll Express and the Midnight Express think this feud has been going on too long. I know Steiner isn’t exactly in the best place in the world at this point but they didn’t have ANYTHING else for him to do? Like maybe sit at home while his contract ran out? Somehow this is probably leading to Test vs. Steiner again as they manage to make this story even more ridiculous.

Test drags Stacy away again and stops to sneer at Steiner. What emotion.

Evolution vs. Shawn Michaels/Goldberg/Maven

Goldberg’s entrance is shortened a bit this week as Shawn, in a hat, slugs away at Orton to start. Maven comes in for some armdrags as JR pushes him as the big young star. It’s already off to Flair for some right hands in the corner but Shawn comes back in for the big staredown. Well it’s the best combination they have for this match.

Shawn punches everyone down, including knocking the still injured HHH off the apron. The slingshot dive takes out all of Evolution (Which JR calls a split. Taking down everything is called a strike JR.) but Flair gets in a low blow to cut him off. HHH actually comes in for a low blow of his own as JR says the people HHH has defeated in World Title matches could fill a Hall of Fame. I’d be down for a Taka Michinoku induction. Shawn kicks Flair away but HHH is back in to stomp him down.

Evolution keeps taking turns on Michaels with JR playing cheerleader. HHH grabs the abdominal stretch but gets caught cheating, earning a break so Shawn can chop away. Another hot tag attempt is cut off and HHH stops to taunt Goldberg a bit. A big shot allows the tag to Goldberg and things pick up in a hurry. HHH cuts Goldberg off (well of course) and punches him down in the corner, followed by Orton getting in a shot of his own. Instead it’s a spear to Orton and some trash talk to HHH before the Jackhammer puts Orton away.

Rating: C-. Totally standard main event tag formula, even though the match was a glorified handicap match as Maven was a total non-factor after the opening thirty seconds. Goldberg vs. HHH still isn’t a great story as they’re setting up Goldberg as the challenger of the month but at least the fans are still into him. Odds are we’ll be getting Shawn vs. Orton as well, which should do some good things for Randy’s future.

Overall Rating: D-. And somehow, this is MILES better than last week’s show. There’s a bunch of bad stuff here but at least it felt like a wrestling show (electrocution segment aside). They’re setting stuff up for Unforgiven and while it’s still not a good show, at least they’re going somewhere and it’s not all about the announcers and McMahons. The fact that it’s still heavily about them doesn’t help, but I’ll take what I can get after the recently terrible shows.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 29, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

It’s the night after the Royal Rumble where the big story was the debut of Ronda Rousey, who came out for a staredown with Charlotte, Asuka and Stephanie McMahon to end the show. Other than that we need a #1 contender, which is why the qualifying matches for the Elimination Chamber begin tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at Rousey’s debut and all the mainstream coverage. I couldn’t escape this story today and that’s a big reason why this was done.

Jonathan Coachman is welcomed back to the announcers’ booth.

There are new match graphics for the first time in what feels like forever. That’s a good thing too as sometimes you just need to freshen things up.

Here’s a dancing Stephanie McMahon to recap last night’s women’s Royal Rumble. After taking way too long to do so, Stephanie brings out Asuka to ask about which champion she wants to face. Before she makes that decision though, she needs to know that Alexa Bliss will be defending the title in the first women’s Elimination Chamber. Asuka says something in Japanese before talking about becoming champion because no one is ready for her. This brings out Sasha Banks to mock the “nobody is ready for Asuka”. Sasha disagrees and wants Asuka tonight.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Last man standing and joined in progress with the fight heading into the crowd. Strowman hits him with a chair and knocks Kane into an anvil case. That means it’s time to go to the announcers’ area, sending the announce team bailing in a hurry. Kane gets knocked down in front of the table and Braun turns the whole thing over (desk and stage) on top of him for the win at 2:41. What in the world was that? A way to write Kane off TV and make Strowman look dominant? Didn’t they do that half a dozen times already?

Post match a stretcher is brought out and Strowman says he just did his job.

Back from a break with the announcers on the stage, talking about how Kane has been sent to a medical facility. Therefore, cut to the back to see Kane being rolled around on a stretcher.

Strowman is still here when Kurt Angle comes up and tells him to lay off. Strowman says he’s right…..because Strowman can do more. He’s going to be the last man standing at the Elimination Chamber and then he’ll be the last man standing over Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Elias vs. Matt Hardy

Before the match, Elias talks about taking out John Cena last week. For now though, his mind is on Wrestlemania and the song is about wanting to take out Brock Lesnar on Elias’ night. The announcers have moved to ringside as Elias takes Matt down with a headlock to start. Matt comes back with some chops and grabs a cravate while saying DELETE over and over. The Twist of Fate is broken up and a clothesline puts Matt down as Elias gets way more fired up in a hurry.

Matt gets taken down with his arm being wrapped around the post as we take a break. Back with Matt getting two off a Russian legsweep as we keep looking at the destroyed announcers’ table. People: it’s a table on its side, not the car door that Brock threw into the crowd. The Side Effect gets two and we’ve got Bray Wyatt. Well at least his lights going out thing, allowing Elias to hit a running boot to the face. Drift Away ends Matt at 9:48.

Rating: C-. Not much to the match but I’m digging the heck out of this Elias push. It’s clear that they think something of him and that’s a very good thing. He has a good gimmick and the people are buying into it so there’s not much missing. What is missing is something interesting between Matt and Bray, which feels like another forced Wyatt feud. It would be a good idea to have Bray be more calm and sinister rather than so over the top for a change but that’s what WWE seems to like about him.

Bray pops up on screen and laughs.

Miz, doing one of those hand held promos that seem to be becoming the norm, says tonight he’ll retain the Intercontinental Title. Once he does, he’ll deserve a standing ovation like the one Tom Brady should receive on Sunday when the Patriots beat the Eagles.

The announcers now have a desk at ringside.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Miz is defending and gets punched in the face to start as the beating is on in a hurry. For some reason Miz tries a chop and is suddenly the Ric Flair to Reigns’ Sting. The champ gets knocked outside for a whip into the steps as the one sided beating continues. Reigns grabs a chair to chase the Miztourage off but Miz posts him to take over as we take a break.

Back with Reigns fighting out of a chinlock and grabbing a Samoan drop. Glad to see some things never change. Miz actually wins a bit of a slugout until Reigns hits the corner clotheslines and a big boot to take over again. The YES Kicks have Reigns in trouble and a chop block puts him down.

We hit the Figure Four for a good while until Reigns turns it over, sending Miz to the ropes. Reigns’ lifting sitout powerbomb gets two so Miz goes to the turnbuckle like last week. That’s intercepted though and Miz pokes Reigns in the eye so the Skull Crushing Finale can get two. The Superman Punch gets the same but here’s the Miztourage to interfere again. That earns them a Superman Punch and a spear but Miz grabs a rollup to retain at 18:07.

Rating: B-. These two have some good chemistry together, which is rather surprising given both of their reputations. Miz retaining is the right call here as it seems like they’re setting up Reigns on the comeback trail. You know, because we’re supposed to buy that Reigns is someone who faces adversity and wasn’t anointed as the chosen one several years back.

We recap the Elimination Chamber qualifying matches and Braun’s path of rage.

Rhyno/Heath Slater vs. Revival

Joined in progress for a change with Slater working on Dash’s arm. Wilder isn’t about to stand for someone showing up their ability to work on a limb so he takes Slater down by the arm instead. Dawson comes in for a belly to back suplex and it’s back to Wilder for an armbar. A neckbreaker takes Wilder down but Dawson comes in and cuts the ring off. It doesn’t work as Slater makes the tag anyway but it was cool to see. Rhyno comes in and hits a shoulder as everything breaks down. Dawson gets in a shot to the knee and the Shatter Machine ends Rhyno at 3:21.

Rating: D+. That’s all this needed to be as Revival gets another win. Of course they need this win to rebuild themselves after last week but the Shatter Machine will get them out of a lot of problems. Just give them a run towards the titles and let them be the old school Andersons style team and everything will be fine.

Post match the Revival asks Charly Caruso how they compare to the Graham Brothers. Charly isn’t familiar with them (humbug) and Wilder isn’t surprised. She’s just like these fans who chant ECW and try to get themselves over because they’re stuck in the past. This….could be interesting.

Dudley Boyz Hall of Fame video. What do you want me to say here? This is the biggest layup of a tag team not named Demolition that you’ll ever see.

Balor Club brags about Balor’s time in the Rumble and he wants to move on to Wrestlemania anyway. Now he has to get by John Cena to get to the Elimination Chamber so that’s what he’s doing tonight. Anderson and Gallows have done wonders for Balor, though not as much as getting away from Wyatt and the Demon vs. Abigail thing.

Sasha says she’s ready to end Asuka’s undefeated streak.

Asuka vs. Sasha Banks

Banks slaps her in the face to start and takes Asuka into the corner for a ram into the buckle. That just earns her a kick to the head and a hip attack to put Sasha on the floor. Back in and some kicks to the legs set up the armbar to keep Sasha in trouble. Banks fights up with a kick to the face and running double knees as we take a break.

We come back with Asuka in trouble after the double knees in the corner, followed by the double arm crank. A headscissors into a very fast Bank Statement is countered into a rollup for two. Sasha gets it right back on but Asuka rolls out again before being sent outside. Banks’ dive is blocked with a kick to the face for a SCARY crash to the floor.

Back in and Asuka unloads with a knee to the face and some HARD strikes to the head. The hip attack in the corner sets up a missile dropkick for two so it’s off to the cross armbreaker. Banks reverses that as well and Asuka’s running hip attack misses, sending her outside in a heap. Banks follows with the knees off the apron (nearly crushing Asuka’s head in the process) and more of them off the top for a close two. The Bank Statement goes on again but Sasha tries to move it back to the middle, allowing Asuka to reverse into the Asuka Lock for the tap at 14:28.

Rating: B+. This was in the “beat the heck out of each other” school of wrestling with Sasha’s knees hitting Asuka over and over while Asuka just survived the whole thing and caught Banks at the end. That’s the biggest win Asuka has had yet in WWE and if she can beat Charlotte, whoever finally beats Asuka is going to look like the biggest conqueror ever. Excellent match here and a lot of fun, especially after how big last night was.

John Cena wants to join Asuka and Shinsuke Nakamura in knowing how they’re getting to Wrestlemania. Maybe on a plane, a train or a bus, but maybe an Elimination Chamber. For everyone wondering when he’s done, he’s just getting started.

Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Titus Worldwide

The Bar is defending. Crews rolls Sheamus up for two less than ten seconds in and does it again less than a minute in. Titus comes in and forearms Sheamus down, meaning it’s time for the Titus Worldwide pose. It’s off to Cesaro, who gets chopped in the chest and tossed around with ease. A blind tag brings in Sheamus for a forearm to the back and we take a break.

Back with Sheamus cutting off a hot tag attempt and bringing Cesaro back in for a double clothesline. Titus gets knocked to the floor but chops Sheamus in the chest and pulls him throat first into the ropes. Back in and Titus hits a clothesline and the hot tag brings in Crews. A top rope clothesline looks to set up a standing moonsault but Crews has to land on his feet instead.

Crews dropkicks him down and now the moonsault get two as Cesaro comes back in to launch Crews into a powerbomb where he lands HARD on his head. Thankfully he’s back up with an enziguri but has to roll through a high crossbody for two. Not that it matters Crews is sent into the post, setting up Super White Noise to retain the titles at 12:25. Titus disappeared at the end of the match.

Rating: B-. Another match that went beyond its league and that’s a good thing. Titus Worldwide can grow off of this mini push and it was very nice to have some fresh air in the division. Of course having three matches between the same team didn’t help things, but I’ll take what I can get.

We recap Rousey’s debut again.

We recap Strowman’s destruction earlier. Apparently Kane sat up in the emergency room and pulled himself to his feet. Kane left the hospital and no one has seen him since. So they couldn’t catch a 50 year old man who has been banged up tonight? How bad are these doctors?

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Finn Balor vs. John Cena

Balor has Anderson and Gallows in his corner. The fans are behind Balor of course as he takes Cena down into an armbar. Balor does it again but Cena takes him down with two straight headlocks. Cena gets sent outside and points at a fan as we hit a test of strength. The fans are looking at something else, which is initially booed and then cheered. The camera cuts to the side as Cena looks into the crowd to see what’s going on. Cena punches Balor down and we take a break with Cena looking at the crowd again.

Back with Cena tossing Balor into the corner a few times but stopping to look at the crowd. The announcers say the fans are getting to him, which is a weird way to go with Cena. The finishing sequence is initiated but the Shuffle takes WAY too long, allowing Balor to move. Balor gets two off an Eye of the Hurricane and scores with the Pele.

The Sling Blade sets up the shotgun dropkick but Cena is right there with a clothesline to take him down. Cena grabs the AA for two and goes to the apron….where he tells Coach that he’s just trying to go to Wrestlemania. He takes way too long to go up top and Balor kicks him down, setting up the shotgun dropkick. The Coup de Grace misses and Balor bangs up his knee. We hit one of the worst looking STF’s Cena has ever put on but Balor makes the rope. Balor takes too long going up and it’s the Super AA for the pin at 17:48.

Rating: C+. Weird crowd and weird Cena aside, this was only pretty good. The problem is both guys should be in the Chamber and Cena is likely getting the Undertaker match (erg) so I’m not sure why they needed to have Cena beat Balor here. That being said, I’m more confused about the whole crowd thing. Is that Cena’s latest crisis of confidence as we head to New Orleans? It seems like he has one every other year. Oh and Balor wasn’t buried. He lost, but that’s a far cry from being buried.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this one a lot actually as they had an energy all night long. It felt like they were trying to get to a goal now instead of just going through the motions of heading towards the Rumble. Hopefully that means we get something good in the next nine weeks as Wrestlemania approaches, but if history has shown me anything, it’s to not get my hopes up.

Results

Braun Strowman b. Kane when Kane couldn’t answer the ten count

Elias b. Matt Hardy – Drift Away

The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Rollup

Asuka b. Sasha Banks – Asuka Lock

The Bar b. Titus Worldwide – Super White Noise to Crews

John Cena b. Finn Balor – Super AA

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 25, 2003
Location: Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Summerslam and HAHA HHH is still World Champion thanks to a sledgehammer to Goldberg’s head. That’s pretty much all we have on the less important story, but we do have Shane McMahon still wanting to fight Kane. Now though, Eric Bischoff has the Coach as his backup, which was arguably the second biggest Raw story coming out of last night’s show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Goldberg being destroyed after losing in the Chamber last night. Just in case you had forgotten that HHH and Evolution were the strongest forces in the universe you see. We even get BONUS footage of Goldberg being carried out.

Here’s Goldberg to open things up. JR: “Goldberg’s career was destroyed by Evolution last night.” They’re certainly hammering in the HHH > Goldberg idea so far and we’re not even four minutes into the show. Goldberg says the title belongs to him and he wants to face HHH for said title right here tonight.

HHH takes his shirt off and Flair seems to enjoy rubbing his bicep quite a bit. He doesn’t even see Goldberg as one of the top five guys in this industry. Last night HHH proved that he was the best in the world today (Flair points out the best body as a bonus). Goldberg guarantees that he’s coming for the belt, whether he has to follow HHH to his home or even into his sleep.

As you make your Nightmare on Elm Street jokes, Goldberg promises to win the title. HHH lists off all the names that he’s beaten and wonders why Goldberg thinks he’s any better. Goldberg: “I’M GOLDBERG!” Really that’s all he needs to say, but this is WWE, where Goldberg needs to have a personality.

The match is set for Unforgiven but Goldberg has to put his career on the line. That means he’s done and doesn’t go to “some second rate promotion like Smackdown”. Goldberg quickly agrees and promises to make this HHH’s funeral. They actually kept this a bit shorter and it got its point across: HHH rules the world and Goldberg is lucky enough to get to be in it for the time being.

Trish Stratus vs. Gail Kim

Gail jumps her during the entrances and chokes Trish with her coat. They get in for the opening bell with Gail breaking up a sunset flip and getting in a shot to the face for two. We hit the early chinlock and even a belly to back suplex doesn’t break it up. Back up and Trish gets in a whip to the corner, only to charge into a boot.

We’re back to the chinlock (I get the idea of sticking close to the veteran but this is ridiculous) so Trish rams her into the corner. Gail reverses to something like a dragon sleeper but Trish climbs the corner into a near Sliced Bread #2 for the real break. Back up and Trish wins a slugout and scores with the Chick Kick for two. The Chick Kick is enough to pin Gail.

Rating: D. The ridiculous levels of chinlocking here really held things down but it’s better than Gail’s variety of hurricanranas. These women still need personalities as other than Trish, we barely know anything about them. Gail is a heel now….why? Molly at least has the title but as soon as she loses that, what else is there that sets her apart? Let them talk or give them some vignettes or something but develop the division (Does three people make a division?) somehow.

Post match Molly comes in and knocks Trish down before glaring at Gail.

We look back at Eric Bischoff implying that he slept with Linda McMahon last week.

Post break Molly chokes Gail. After mentioning that she got Gail into the company (see, that’s a detail that tells us ANYTHING about Gail, which is more than we’ve gotten to date) and they need to team up and take out Trish. Gail agrees.

Here are Teddy Long and Rodney Mack to announce the newest member of Thuggin N Buggin Enterprises. Therefore, here’s the newest member to team with Mack.

Rodney Mack/Mark Henry vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak

Aside from a match on Heat, this is Henry’s first WWE match since October. Garrison shoulders Mack down to start as I still try to figure out why a wrestler is named Garrison Cade. Mack runs him over as well and grabs an early chinlock (we’ve seen enough of that tonight). That lasts as long as you would expect and it’s off to Jindrak for the big dropkick, followed by a run up the ropes into a spinning clothesline.

That’s enough for Henry, who comes in and tosses people like villagers in a King Kong movie. Jindrak gets to the top for another clothesline but gets pulled out of the air for the World’s Strongest Slam and the pin. Henry was impressive here, but the longevity is all that matters. Well that and backing the Mack.

Lance Storm is annoyed at Goldust for sending him into the women’s locker room and leaving a woman there for him to find (not shown on last week’s show). Goldust calls something a healthy relationship and we look down at Minidust enjoying Storm’s leg. Rosey of all people comes in to ask about a disturbance.

Storm doesn’t have time to listen but a production worker (who is played by Jessie from Tough Enough II) mentions that there was a man in the ring with a gun. Rosey runs off to stop him but Hurricane comes in and finds out that it was a t-shirt gun. Putting the comedy together might be the right idea, though Rosey and Hurricane are much funnier.

During the break, Rosey attacked the t-shirt guy but Hurricane came in to ask him whatsupwithdat. And that’s it. Quite the anticlimactic ending when we had a midget, a gun, a Tough Enough cameo and two superheroes.

Video on the Rundown (I liked that movie), which is of course edited off the Network.

Steve Austin recaps the Coach joining Bischoff last night, earning himself a beating in the process (of course altering the reality a bit, much to the fans’ delight). A banged up Bischoff comes in and wants to hear the truth. Since Coach did the right thing, tonight he’s going to be named Employee of the Month tonight. Austin better stay out too.

La Resistance/Rob Conway vs. Dudley Boyz

This is fallout from last night where Conway (the serviceman from last week and last night who now officially has a name) cost the Dudleys the Tag Team Titles. Lillian has a hard time keeping track of all the names because she’s not the most competent announcer in the world. Before the match, Conway introduces himself and blames the Americans for being too ignorant to get why France is amazing.

This war against “terrorism” is ridiculous and the people are following him like sheep. Conway talks about how we need to pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan and treat the French with respect. See, the Americans are the REAL terrorists. As usual, this has been your moment of patriotism beating you over the head.

Spike is the only Dudley to come to the ramp as Bubba and D-Von come in from the crowd for the sneak attack. Jerry talks about how much he love France, such as Pepe Le Pew being his favorite cartoon character (Does that really surprise anyone?). Spike gets in a Dudley Dog on Conway and brings in Bubba for the house cleaning as this isn’t seeming to have a ton of time. Dupree takes 3D and the Dudley Dog drops Grenier. Bubba tosses Spike onto Dupree but Conway gets in a belt shot to put Bubba away in a hurry. In other words, this story must continue. For AMERICA you see.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel, now with the end of Saliva’s King of My World as the theme song. Jericho is banged up but is gutting it out here. Last night he would have won but it was Goldberg getting in his way. That brings him to his guest, but first he needs to explain the rather horrible Bischoff and Linda segment from last week. We see the clip again and it’s no less creepy this time around. Jericho refers to Linda’s noises as she tried to get away as “hot stuff”.

This week’s guest is Linda McMahon, meaning that awesome old Wrestlemania theme. Jericho gets right to the point by asking if she and Bischoff “made it like two Arizona jackrabbits”. Linda says security was there as soon as the cameras went off and Linda is thinking about firing Eric. Well of course she is.

Anyway here’s an annoyed Vince to interrupt. Vince yells at Linda for “deciding” to fire Bischoff without his approval so there will be no repercussions on Bischoff for what he did last week. Linda isn’t a victim because Vince is the only real victim around here. He’s a victim of their failed marriage and what came out of her demon infested womb. It’s Linda’s fault that Stephanie and Shane hate him but Linda thinks he needs psychological help. That’s laughed off but Vince agrees that he might need help dealing with the kids. He feels a lot like Kane because everyone has turned on him too.

This brings out Shane because we don’t have enough drama yet. Shane tells Vince that he can rot but Jericho cuts him off. Jericho sucks up to Vince and punches Shane for showing up without an invitation. Vince makes Jericho vs. Shane for later tonight. This was more McMahon drama and that’s the last thing WWE needs. The McMahons aren’t interesting in such heavy doses and it’s not getting any better when Vince is going back and forth between shows.

We recap the opening segment, just in case you forgot about how great HHH is.

Randy Orton vs. Maven

Shawn Michaels is in Maven’s corner. Orton takes him down without much effort as JR recaps the show to show how horrible it’s been so far. Stereo dropkicks go nowhere so it’s Orton taking over with the backbreaker. Some uppercuts keep Maven in trouble and Orton whips him into the corner so hard that he falls down. Flair gets annoyed at a two count and gets on the apron. Shawn gets up as well, allowing Ric to poke Maven in the eye.

That earns Flair Sweet Chin Music, followed by Orton missing the dropkick. The RKO is broken up as well (with JR mentioning for perhaps the only time ever that RKO are Orton’s initials) and a spinwheel kick takes Orton down. Maven gets shoved into the ropes though and the RKO gets two with Orton pulling him up. Orton hits his own Sweet Chin Music for the pin. You can pencil in Orton vs. Shawn for Unforgiven, which is a win that Orton could really use.

Rating: D+. Maven is a lot better now, to the point where he’s not embarrassing himself anymore in a five minute match. Orton is starting to get the hang of things, but this put too much attention on Flair vs. Shawn, which tends to be a common problem with Orton’s matches. A win over Shawn might help, but it has to be done right.

A lot of staring ensues.

It’s time for the Employee of the Month Award presentation. After a photo opportunity with the plaque (which doesn’t actually say which month the award is for), Coach talks about doing what his boss said, which doesn’t make him a bad guy. Bischoff is the kind of guy who recognizes talent, unlike Austin. Coach was only treated this way because he’s not Austin’s boy, right JR?

We see a clip of JR returning to take Coach’s announcers’ position, which seemed to annoy Coach at the time. Coach isn’t happy that JR wasn’t more thankful or professional and now he wants an apology. As for now though, Coach wants an apology from Austin for last night. Bischoff: “What the h***?” That might seem a bit random, and that would be because he says it before Christian’s music hits for a surprising interruption. Is it really that hard to wait for a cue?

Christian wants an apology for not being on the show last night (preach it brother) so here’s Austin with an envelope in his back pocket. Austin gets straight to the point: Coach couldn’t carry JR’s jockstrap, let alone his job. The envelope contains a sympathy card….in the form of Austin’s middle finger. Good thing Austin had that envelope ready just in case Coach asked him for an apology and he knew what joke he wanted to do.

Coach says the King and a cowboy sound like the Village People so Lawler offers to come take care of him. Christian cuts them off though and wants to know what’s going on. Austin: “You think you’re special?” So the Intercontinental Title, which Austin re-introduced last year and called important, isn’t special? Austin has an idea.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Jerry Lawler

Christian is defending and I need my headache medicine. Coach takes Jerry’s place on commentary and the distraction lets Christian get in a cheap shot. Some right hands get Jerry out of trouble for a few seconds and let’s look at commentary again (Why is that such a common thing around here?). We hit the chinlock with a knee in Lawler’s back and BACK TO COMMENTARY with Coach making fun of the cowboy hat. At least get some fresh material.

JR, for about the eighth time so far: “Let’s call this wrestling match. By the way folks later tonight, Shane McMahon is going to fight Chris Jericho.” Christian gets punched out of the air and more right hands keep him in trouble. Coach makes fun of JR repeating words and Lawler slams Christian off the top. The fist drop has Christian in trouble but Coach leaves commentary to pull Jerry out at two. The chase allows Christian to get a rollup with tights for the pin.

Rating: F. This show is somehow getting worse. So now, the Intercontinental Champion, who is not special and not able to get on Summerslam, needs help from COACH to beat a semi-retired wrestler and full time commentator? All in the name of pushing Austin vs. Bischoff in an attempt to recreate Austin vs. McMahon? This was really, really stupid and that’s becoming way too common.

Kane watches Shane come to the ring.

Christian celebrates in the back as Coach does the interview. Austin comes in to make Coach vs. Lawler for next week. Good grief it’s continuing.

Shane McMahon vs. Chris Jericho

Hey look: another non-wrestler. Shane is ready for a cheap shot from behind (because he’s smarter than Jericho) and hits an awkward looking backdrop. A kick to the face has Shane staggered but he’s still able to avoid a charge and put Jericho on the floor. Shane puts him on the timekeeper’s table but Kane’s music and pyro go off for a distraction (no Kane). Jericho hits the springboard dropkick to put Shane on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Jericho chopping away in the corner but diving into a DDT. Again, because Shane is smarter than he is. A clothesline gives Shane two but a jumping enziguri puts him down again. The Lionsault hits knees but Shane gets crotched on top, setting up a superplex. Now it’s Kane coming out for real (I guess he plays mind games now) coming out to chokeslam Shane for what should be a DQ but seems to be a no contest because WWE doesn’t know how wrestling works.

Rating: F. The wrestling was fine, but the booking here is a failure by definition. According to this, Shane McMahon should have been in the Elimination Chamber last night because he can go move for move with Chris Jericho. I know WWE loves Shane but can they at least make it look like he’s just a brawler with some great athleticism who is getting lucky to survive? This was treating Shane like a top level wrestler on Raw, making his matches on pay per view feel a lot less important. As usual, WWE misses the point.

Kane leaves through the crowd with Shane following for a brawl in the back. The fans react to a City of Tuscon sign (“IT SAYS OUR TOWN’S NAME! YAY!”) as Shane catches up with Kane, who slams him back first into a wall over and over. Naturally Kane has a bunch of gas cans ready and he starts a dumpster fire. Kane loads Shane up but gets knocked in instead as we hit the action movie trailer shot of Shane looking at the fire to end the show.

Overall Rating: W. As in wrestling. I figure I might as well make something about it because wrestling doesn’t matter on this show. No, what matters around here is beating patriotism into your head, a story based around sexual assault, Minidust, a stable called Thuggin N Buggin Enterprises, the Intercontinental Champion being a worthless player on the show, burning a man alive and non-wrestlers being the most prominent people on the show.

It’s like the Attitude Era without the interest or energy. The top stories are Austin vs. Bischoff, which also pulls in JR/King vs. Coach and Shane McMahon vs. Kane. Somewhere down there is Goldberg vs. HHH (who is barely a wrestler at the moment due to an injury) in a story that is continuing for reasons that I’m sure HHH can explain to you but doesn’t make much sense to anyone else. This felt like they were running away in the wrong direction and covering their ears from what people wanted to hear, which is one of the scariest things you can see in a wrestling company.

I watch wrestling to see the wrestlers and the stories they’re involved in at the moment. For some reason I’m seeing commentators and a single family (including a bickering couple) dominating the shows while I’m told that the Intercontinental Champion isn’t important enough to be on a show and needs help to beat Jerry Lawler. I thought getting past Summerslam might help, but this was one of the worst episodes of the show I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw 25^th Anniversary
Date: January 22, 2018
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York/Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T., Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now this is a big night with the show having been build up for several months and a slew of guest stars booked for the night. The show is also being run from two arenas, including the location of the first ever episode. I’m more excited for this than I am for Sunday’s Royal Rumble so let’s get to it.

JR and King welcome us from the Manhattan Center, complete with an ICOPRO sign.

The regular announcers’ team welcome us from the Barclays Center.

Shane McMahon and Stephanie McMahon are in the ring to open the show with Stephanie doing that ever present growling introduction. Shane thanks us for being here along with all the people behind the scenes who make this happen. With that, Shane introduces us to the long highlight reel of Raw moments. This was released on the site’s YouTube page and is very awesome with almost every major Raw moment ever.

Back in the arena, Stephanie introduces Vince, who absolutely has to be here for the opening sequence. Vince nearly dances in the ring and says twenty five years is quite the accomplishment. The fans chant THANK YOU VINCE (which Stephanie explains to him) but Vince says enough of that and we’re off to the festivities. Vince goes to leave but Stephanie and Shane have a present for him.

They have a plaque commemorating his twenty five years of Raw….and he’s not happy. Vince goes on a rant about it being cheap and how plaque is the horrible stuff on the people of Brooklyn’s teeth. There’s only one person who should be thanked for all of this and that’s Vince himself. As he goes off about how great he is……the glass shatters.

After Austin does his usual entrance, Vince praises Austin’s look but says he’s had his own share of health problems. His bones are broken and brittle and he has arthritis and he even lives in a retirement home. Vince: “But my son Shane is in his prime!” Austin raises Shane’s hand and gives him a Stunner to the delight of the fans. Vince produces beers and the fans chant ONE MORE TIME! Vince: “I don’t think Shane can take another one!” They drink their beer and hug but Austin looks at Vince, followed by one more Stunner for old times’ sake. For some reason Shane gets up and takes one more Stunner.

This was just about the perfect opening as you have to have Vince there for something like this and if there’s Vince, there must be Austin. All those Stunners over the years were a huge part of the show and Austin is arguably the name that more people would associate with Raw than anyone else. This was great and the only way things should have gone to start.

Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax vs. Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka

There’s a big brawl before the bell and Asuka has banged up ribs. She’s still able to kick Sonya to the floor though and we take an early break. Back with Asuka hip attacking half of the villains off the apron before it’s off to Jax vs. Banks. That goes fairly badly for Sasha who gets caught in Alicia’s northern lights suplex for two.

We hit the chinlock until Banks gets double teamed in the corner. Everything breaks down and we take a second break because it’s not like there’s a lot of stuff to get to tonight. Back with Banks grabbing the Bank Statement to make Fox tap at 11:58. The stuff after the break was less than fifteen seconds long.

Rating: C-. This was fine all things considered but at the same time, there’s some other stuff going on tonight that they need to cover. That’s kind of the problem with having this big special on the same night as the go home show for the Rumble. They have to build things up but at the same time they have to get to the big special features. The match was fine, but probably should have been shorter.

Post match Asuka throws her partners over the top in a Sunday preview.

Kurt Angle is in the back when Jonathan Coachman comes in. Coach talks about all the faces he’s seen around here, so cue Harvey Wippleman and the Brooklyn Brawler who offer cigars. Cue Teddy Long for the required dancing. Brother Love comes in (he scared me to death as a kid) and declares love for everyone until Boogeyman comes in, complete with the worms in the mouth…which he hands to Coach. A lot of staring ensues.

In the Manhattan Center, JR and King (who mentions puppies) introduce a nice video package on Undertaker’s greatest Raw moments.

Here’s the Undertaker, with the lights not going out for his entrance in a strange visual (flashback to his original). For twenty five years, he’s buried souls who dared to challenge him and buried them in the cold dark earth. Steve Austin, Mick Foley, his brother Kane have all fallen before the reaper and now, after all this time, they may rest in peace. JR: “Is that a warning?” The music plays again and no one interrupts. I’ll believe it’s over when I don’t see him at Wrestlemania but that seems to be the case at the moment.

We go to the APA’s office with Heath Slater losing all of his money in a poker game as Rhyno shakes his head. Someone comes in and throws some money down….and of course it’s Ted DiBiase. They deal him in and we get the evil laugh. Still the greatest villain of all time for my money.

Here’s are some of the all time greatest General Managers: Johnny Ace (with a red suit and blue tie), William Regal, Eric Bischoff (to a ROAR) and Daniel Bryan. Miz and the Miztourage interrupt though and it’s time for one of the big matches.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Roman Reigns

Miz is challenging. They take their time to start until Reigns pops him with a right hand. The Miztourage offers a distraction though and Miz sends him into the steps as we take a break. Back with Reigns hitting the corner clotheslines, followed by a running big boot. The apron dropkick connects but the spear is countered into a rollup for two with the feet on the ropes. The YES Kicks keep Roman in trouble but the big kick is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Another apron dropkick takes the Miztourage out and Reigns slips out of the Skull Crushing Finale for another Superman Punch. Bo Dallas grabs the foot though and Miz hits his corner clothesline. That means a double ejection but Reigns hits them one more time, allowing the Skull Crushing Finale to connect for two. Back up and Reigns tries the spear but hits an exposed turnbuckle pad. The Skull Crushing Finale makes Miz an eight time champion at 13:13. A replay shows that Miz got the pad off when Reigns was beating up the Miztourage for a nice surprise.

Rating: C. This was a booking decision more than anything else and there’s nothing wrong with that. The loss lets Reigns drop the title before he wins the Universal Title at Wrestlemania (THIS TIME FOR SURE!) and the win gives Miz something else to do, especially now that he’s less than three months away from the most combined days as champion (and only one reign behind Chris Jericho’s record).

Back to the poker game with the Hardys, the Usos, and MVP playing as Slater continues to lose his money.

It’s time for the Peep Show with Christian. He knows a thing or two about being a Tag Team Champion so his guests are Jason Jordan and Seth Rollins. Jordan takes over for Seth and talks about what an honor it is to be here but the crowd won’t let him talk. Jordan eventually talks about Kurt and asks the fans to applaud him. Cue the Bar to say that all the fans are because of them, not all the legends. They’ll be getting the titles back on Sunday and it’s because Jordan sucks. We hit the YOU SUCK song and the brawl is on. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor but Seth’s springboard knee hits Jordan.

Alexa Bliss is annoyed at being asked if she’ll still be champion at Wrestlemania. Charlotte comes in and MY GOODNESS she towers over Alexa. She says Alexa doesn’t have the stature to be champion and Ric Flair himself comes in to say Charlotte is going to be champion until she decides to hang up the robe. Flair appearing was great, though they’re teasing the heck out of one of these two losing before Wrestlemania.

Video on Edge, who isn’t here tonight.

More people are at the poker game, now including Natalya and Titus Worldwide. Heath loses again, this time to Natalya’s queen high flush in hearts. Dana has counted it up: Heath has lost a lot.

Bray Wyatt vs. Matt Hardy

In the Manhattan Center and this match takes place here? Sister Abigail is broken up in the first five seconds as JR tries to figure out what Sister Abigail is. Matt grabs a Russian legsweep and drops the middle rope elbow to the back of the head. The Twist of Fate is broken up and Bray runs him over as we take a break. Back with Matt hitting a running corner clothesline but having his bulldog broken up. The Side Effect gets two on Bray but Sister Abigail is good for the pin on Matt at 5:48. Not enough shown to rate but that’s quite the abrupt loss in the first match between these two.

Back in Barclays, here are some of the greatest female talents ever: the Bella Twins, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Lilian Garcia, Jacqueline, Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Terri Runnels, Maria Kanellis and of course Trish Stratus as the big name. This group is declared as trailblazers so I have a good laugh as we cut away.

Elias is walking through the back when he runs into Chris Jericho (in an Alpha Club shirt). Chris compliments his scarves and asks if he can play a song he’s written about Elias. He can’t borrow the guitar but worry not because Jericho has his own. The song is about Elias being a stupid idiot and HE JUST MADE THE LIST! Jericho loads up the pen but says he’s kidding. Jericho: “NO I’M NOT! YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!”

Here’s Elias in the ring to talk about how amazing it is that it took Raw twenty five years to find him. WWE stands for Walk With Elias but the fans won’t let him play his song. Elias wants to sing it for the fans but points out Jimmy Fallon in the front row. The song is about the various legends, including talking about how Shawn’s time is passed and Undertaker is a decrepit old man. He’s going to the Royal Rumble but here’s John Cena to interrupt.

Cena asks the crowd if they’re loud now and points out that both he and Brooklyn have balls because there they are (it’s a beach ball in this case). Elias tells him to shut up because the fans are there to see Elias but Cena ruined it. Cena tells him to do something about it but Elias says no and teases leaving. The fight is on of course and Cena hits his finishing sequence but the AA is cut off by a low blow. A guitar to the back leaves Cena laying and Drift Away makes it even better. I’m pleasantly surprised here as this was a very solid rub for Elias who took some of Cena’s best and left him laying. Good stuff here.

New Day is at the poker game now with Woods betting pancakes. Slater FINALLY wins a hand but is accused of cheating. A fight nearly breaks out and Bradshaw says if you want to fight, do it in the ring. Oh I can feel the Revival’s death coming from here. Titus Worldwide and Slater/Rhyno leave but DiBiase wins with a royal flush. As he rakes in the chips, Ron Simmons says his catchphrase.

Mark Henry is in the back and runs into the Godfather and….some random woman. Godfather brings up Sexual Chocolate but Henry says that was a long time ago. Henry seems to hit on the woman….and it’s Godfather’s wife. Mark smiles and isn’t sure what to think.

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno

Titus chops Rhyno to start before it’s off to Crews vs. Slater with Heath starting in on the arm. A very delayed vertical suplex puts Heath down and we take a break. IN THIS MATCH??? Back with the match being thrown out at 5:40. Again not enough to rate but this seems like a means to an end.

Cue the Dudley Boyz (including Bubba, who was named ROH GM two days ago and D-Von, who looks rather huge) as everyone bails to the floor. Slater gets thrown back inside for What’s Up (with Booker commenting on D-Von’s weight gain). It’s table time of course (with Rhyno pulling the ring skirt back) and the 3D drives Slater through it for good measure. This was a HUGE relief as the Revival wasn’t destroyed for no apparent reason.

AJ Styles is in the back and has his own interviewer: Mean Gene Okerlund. AJ does his best Hogan impression to Gene (AJ: “Sorry I’ve always wanted to do that.”) before talking about facing Kami on Sunday. He has a small window to fight on Sunday but if he does it right, they’ll hear him announced as still being champion. Gene looks confused.

Back to the Manhattan Center and here’s DX for the big reunion. Well just Shawn and HHH to start. Shawn has been hearing people ask HBShizzle what his best moment in the 25 years have been. He can’t remember 25 minutes ago but he does remember something about a big sausage, which HHH cuts him off. Then one time they were all in Christmas stuff but HHH says no again.

Shawn gets annoyed because he used to be the boss of this group but now HHH is the boss of everything so Shawn doesn’t get to do anything anymore. All you have to do to see all those moments again though is sign up for the WWE Network. HHH talks about the fans starting the fire and now they’re here because of him.

We hear about some of the history of DX, including a rare Chyna name drop. HHH talks about going to WCW in a tank (it wasn’t a tank) and starting a war (which had started well over a year prior) but now they’re here because the Manhattan Center is home. They’re not here alone though because here are the New Age Outlaws. Maybe Road Dogg can ruin Raw now.

Dogg does his usual and here’s X-Pac for another surprise (I mean, assuming you didn’t see the graphics all night long). The crowd cuts X-Pac off with a 1-2-3 chant but there’s one more surprise: Scott Hall. Back after a VERY abrupt break with everyone in the ring and Ramon saying Hey Yo. He calls this whole thing too sweet….and here’s Balor Club. They all do too Too Sweet…..and it’s the freaking Revival to get the legends burial.

Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Revival jumps them before the bell and it’s Anderson in early trouble. A headlock is broken up in short order and it’s off to Gallows for the kicks to the head. The Magic Killer ends Dawson clean at 2:00.

Revival goes after DX and takes the finishers, because this worked so well for Damien Sandow. X-Factor, Shake Rattle and Roll, Fameasser, Sweet Chin Music, Pedigree and Coup de Grace, followed by Billy getting in his catchphrase. So glad they had Revival, one of the best teams in a long time, to do this. To be fair they’re wrestlers and we don’t have room for that around here.

Angle brings out all of the legends and people from the poker game to surround the ring for the closing segment as we go to a break at 11:03. Back with Angle bringing out Braun Strowman and Kane, who are held apart by a lot of the wrestlers. Paul Heyman comes out and introduces Brock Lesnar for a fight. Here’s Brock…and everyone but Kane and Strowman bail in fear. Brock runs over Strowman and hits an F5 on Kane but Strowman is back in to knock Lesnar to the floor. The running powerslam through the announcers’ table plants Lesnar to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was trying to do two things at once and it made them both suffer. There was actually a bit too much wrestling going on and some of those longer matches (which to be fair were only in the first half of the show) were cutting down on time that could have been used for the nostalgia stuff. The problem is you have to do that for the Rumble, leaving less time for the big anniversary material.

The anniversary stuff was fine enough, but it really peaked at the beginning and was kind of downhill from there. Going back to the Manhattan Center was fun, though it really felt like the crowd there got screwed a bit. Other than DX and Undertaker’s short appearance, almost nothing there felt important or special and that’s not a great sign. Throw in the stupid, stupid, STUPID beatdown of Revival (who not only got taken out by the old guys but also lost a clean two minute match) and Terri Runnels/Kelly Kelly apparently being trailblazers and some of this stuff left a lot to be desired.

As for the Rumble build….eh. Once the big names for the Rumble are set, there’s not a lot that can really be done to build to the pay per view. We know all of the main roster women in the Rumble and most of the men are already set so there’s only so much you can do here. What we got was ok, though the triple threat stuff isn’t doing anything for me.

Now there was a lot of good stuff as well, including Miz winning the Intercontinental Title back (thanks for keeping it warm Roman), Elias beating Cena down, the lack of Undertaker vs. Cena being made (though that could change), some of the cameos (Henry and Godfather made me laugh) and of course Austin and Vince. It wasn’t the worst show, but I was expecting a lot more and didn’t get really close to it, which is rather disappointing. Still though, it could have been much worse.

Results

Bayley/Sasha Banks/Mickie James/Asuka b. Absolution/Alicia Fox/Nia Jax – Bank Statement to Fox

The Miz b. Roman Reigns – Skull Crushing Finale

Bray Wyatt b. Matt Hardy – Sister Abigail

Titus Worldwide vs. Heath Slater/Rhyno went to a double DQ when all four brawled

Anderson and Gallows b. Revival – Magic Killer to Dawson

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 18, 2003
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and the big story continues to be Kane, who is seemingly ready to squash Rob Van Dam, and his feud with Shane McMahon. That’s not it for Shane though as he’s in another feud with Eric Bischoff. Oh and there’s something about an Elimination Chamber match which hasn’t exactly gotten a ton of time. Let’s get to it.

By the way, this is the second time I’ve reviewed this show as I’m on an old laptop with a battery so bad that if your power cord comes out, it’s going to power off completely in less than thirty seconds (not an exaggeration). The old review was wiped out because I dared to leave it alone for a few minutes. God bless Microsoft for installing that CRITICAL security update that turned my regular laptop into a brick last week.

Opening sequence.

Chris Jericho is in the ring and we’re starting with the Highlight Reel. It’s a busy week for the king of bling bling because tonight he’s taking Kevin Nash’s hair and then this Sunday he’s winning his World Title back. I wouldn’t double down on that one Chris. It’s been a long time since he’s been World Champion though and he wants it back so bad that he’s putting himself back in the most vile, evil, dangerous structure he’s ever been in over his fifteen year career.

The fans tell Jericho that he sucks so he brings out his guest: the man who stole the title from him in the first Elimination Chamber, Shawn Michaels. Shawn is a little too dance-y for someone about to head into such a horrible match. Like any good jerk of a host, Jericho won’t let Shawn get in a single word before bringing out his other guests: Evolution. HHH talks about how he and Shawn know what it’s like inside that Chamber and no one will ever forget it.

After that first match, HHH spent forty eight hours in the hospital and lost the World Title to Michaels. This Sunday, Evolution is going to make sure that HHH leaves Summerslam as champion. The fight is on with Shawn getting beaten down until Kevin Nash, with hair so blond that he looks like Flair, comes in for the save. That goes just as badly for the good guys until Goldberg comes out for the real save.

House is cleaned but Goldberg spears Nash by mistake (whose hair is so blond that I actually thought it was Flair for a second). This is the kind of segment that the match needed as it was barely getting any kind of attention compared to the other matches on the card. It’s not enough to make the match interesting but it’s an improvement.

Test comes up to Stacy in the back and promises to treat her differently if he wins her back tonight. That means treating her “like the little s*** that you are”. So being a manager now implies sexual slavery?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending and as Jerry put it, “IT’S PUPPY TIME!”. Molly takes her down by the wrist to start but Trish nips up and gets in a Thesz press of all things. Back up and something like a backbreaker doesn’t quite work as Molly picks her up and then sits her down again before rocking Trish straight back to the mat. A shoulder breaker gets two as Lawler can’t help but talk about Trish’s chest.

Trish comes back with a dropkick but here’s Gail Kim, who actually goes after Molly for the DQ. Odds are this sets up another triple threat match, which might be the worst possible idea they have. To be fair though, what else are they supposed to do? Come up with something else?

Evolution is in a good mood when Steve Austin comes in. They don’t have a main event tonight so Austin makes Orton vs. Goldberg with Austin as special enforcer. Between two General Managers they don’t have a main event nearly half an hour into the show? Get it together people.

Here’s Shane McMahon for a chat. He’s here for two reasons. First of all, there won’t be a match with Eric Bischoff on Sunday because he’s giving Eric his beating tonight. The other reason is Kane, for whom Shane has a special present. That would be a can of gasoline so Shane can play with fire. Thankfully JR isn’t thrilled by this discussion of attempted murder.

Goldust is still trying to cure Lance Storm of being boring. Tonight’s suggestion: go into the women’s locker room and kiss the first woman he sees. I don’t see this going well.

Test vs. Scott Steiner

The winner gets Stacy’s “services” because she’s a commodity. Test jumps Steiner on the way in and hammers away until Steiner elbows him in the jaw. There’s the belly to belly and some elbows to the head, followed by the elbow (if it’s not belly to belly suplexes, it’s elbows) into the pushups. Test stops a charge in the corner but misses a big boot and comes up favoring his knee. The referee calls for the trainers but doesn’t ring the bell, meaning you can see the swerve coming from here. The trainer comes out to say we need to get Test to the back so he’s helped up, only to have him hit the big boot for the pin on Steiner.

Rating: D-. I almost didn’t rate this one as the match wasn’t even five minutes and Test’s shenanigans ran for the better part of three minutes. Still though, I have no idea why this feud is still going over four months in but neither guy is really getting anything out of it. The matches haven’t been good and the story is more cringe-worthy than anything else.

Here’s La Resistance for a chat. They talk about the death of the Dudleys last week and show the picture of the two of them covered in the American flag. The two of them find a serviceman in the front row and ask how many innocent people he’s killed this year. Cue the Dudleys to chase them off and bring the serviceman into the ring to wave the flag.

And of course it’s a ruse (partially because the serviceman is former OVW Heavyweight Champion Rob Conway) so the beatdown is on with the Dudleys being buried underneath the flag again. The story isn’t bad (if you don’t mind having patriotism beaten over your head) but if the matches could be ANY better, this would be a lot easier to sit through.

We look back at Linda McMahon being piledriven. Jerry: “Everywhere I go, people are asking me about Linda McMahon.” No Jerry, they aren’t.

Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Nash

Hair vs. hair. JR talks about how these two are going to a structure where careers go to die. Uh, no one’s career has ever died in there JR. Nash powers him into the corner to start and elbows Jericho in the jaw before hitting a gutwrench suplex. That’s the first new move I’ve seen him add in years. A two handed choke slam drops Jericho again as it’s almost all Nash to start.

Jericho gets smart by dropkicking the knee, only to get backdropped out to the floor. Nash follows him out but clotheslines the post by mistake. Back in and a missile dropkick gives Jericho two (while showing off Nash’s very white socks). Jericho starts kicking at the ribs as he continues to go around the body. It’s time to take a turnbuckle pad off but Nash grabs a rollup (He’s working tonight!) for two instead. A running crotch attack to Nash’s back but Jericho misses a charge into the post.

Nash’s clothesline and side slam get two but Snake Eyes onto the exposed buckle is broken up. Instead Jericho grabs a rollup for two, despite Nash being both under and in the ropes (Jerry sounded annoyed at the count even reaching two). Nash gets in another clothesline for two but Jericho scores with his bulldog.

The Lionsault gets a delayed two so we hit the Walls with Nash grabbing the ropes without too much effort. The Jackknife gets its own delayed near fall so Nash kicks him in the face again. Another Jackknife is broken up with Jericho raking the face though, allowing a low blow to set up a brass knuckles shot to put Nash away.

Rating: C+. Actually not bad here, though that’s mainly due to Jericho doing almost all of the work. That’s about all you can ask for out of Nash though, whose power game is still acceptable enough. The match was mainly there for Jerry to make hair jokes and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially with the right guy winning. If a movie role is all it takes to have Nash do this clean of a job (a low blow and knuckles after a ref bump is pretty squeaky clean for him) then so be it.

Post match Jericho hacks the hair off with scissors and takes it away like a trophy. I miss his trophy case gimmick, which could do someone some good today.

Earlier today, Rosey saved a kitty (Mr. Snugalot) from a tree, much to the delight of a little girl. Hurricane shows up to explain comic books to the kid (Hurricane: “Aquaman sucks. Remember that.”) so Rosey walks off with the cat, who attacks him. Rosey beats the cat up against a tree and throws it away before telling Hurricane they need to get out of here. Hurricane tells him to calm down until Rosey drops the superhero voice and says “LOOK MAN! WE GOTTA GO!” They leave and the girl asks where her kitty is. Uh…….oh look a match. Funny stuff here, as they’re going full speed ahead with the comedy, as they should.

Rosey vs. Rodney Mack

Theodore Long is back and sees that whitey is still trying to keep Rodney Mack down. So get whitey out here for the beating he deserves. I’m guessing he’s not happy with Mack’s opponent. Mack wins an early boxing match and shrugs off a bunch of shots from Rosey. As Jerry asks about the kitten, Mack yells at Hurricane, allowing Rosey to hit a Samoan drop and his spinout Rock Bottom for the fast pin.

We look at Kane attacking Linda again.

Speaking of Linda, we go live to her house in Connecticut where she, with a magazine featuring Stephanie on the cover, says she’s healing up and should be ok with more therapy. She’s also hoping to be out of her soft collar, which is on her desk, soon. As she’s talking, the doorbell keeps ringing until Eric Bischoff comes in. See, Shane is looking for Bischoff in Michigan but Eric is right here instead.

Back from a break, Eric says he’s here to please her. Linda does the smart thing by going to call security but Eric hangs the phone up. Eric rips on Shane a bit and complains about Shane stealing ECW from him in 2001 (Really? Like really really?) like it was a graduation gift. Who pays for their own graduation gift? Linda loads up the Stephanie Slap so he pins her arms behind her back and tells her to not fight it so she can enjoy it more. Eric: “You are a rather big breasted beauty aren’t you?” He asks to be shown the bedroom and rather forcibly kisses her to end this. I wonder if the cameraman can be tried as an accomplice.

So….yeah. Eric Bischoff is a lot of things but sexual predator really doesn’t feel like one of them. They’ve done things like this with him before and they didn’t work then either. This felt WAY out of character for him and was more disturbing than anything else. The segment didn’t work and I’m hoping they drop this in rather short order.

Post break, Shane is livid (Shane: “THAT MOTHERF*****!” True in this case.) and storms off instead of, you know, calling the cops in Connecticut.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Christian

Rob is challenging and I’m not sure why. He’s won a single match since early June and was last seen being left laying by Kane. Why is he getting a title match? They start simply as JR questions the presence of Eric’s balls. Maybe we could ask Linda. Rob monkey flips the champ down and a spinning kick to the face sets up an armbar. The shoulders into the corner have Christian in trouble until he avoids the one off the backflip to send Van Dam shoulder first into the post.

Christian stays on the arm with an armbar but stops to mock the Van Dam pose. A kick that might have been a bit low cuts off Rob’s comeback but the fans think Christian sucks. This crowd is very anti-Canadian. Rob makes the comeback with his usual assortment of kicks but Rolling Thunder hits knees.

Another kick hits the referee but Christian scores with the Unprettier. There’s no point in covering though so he goes to grab some chairs for a Conchairto. You don’t put a chair that close to Van Dam though and it’s the Van Daminator to knock Christian silly. The Five Star connects but here’s Kane instead. Van Dam dropkicks a chair into his head but a dive allows Kane to chair him in the head (THUD). Rob is out cold and it’s a no contest as Kane carries him to the back.

Rating: D. The arm stuff was fine but it feels like every match tonight has had either a distracted ref or a ref bump. That being said, this wasn’t exactly the most thrilling match as it was an exercise in waiting on Kane to come out and interrupt. They weren’t exactly hiding that ending and while it wasn’t the worst match, Christian isn’t exactly rolling into the pay per view. Eric and Shane can have a match, but the new Intercontinental Champion (or the Cruiserweight Champion for that matter) can’t?

Speaking of Summerslam, we run down the card and it’s looking pretty rough outside of Lesnar vs. Angle.

Test forces Stacy to dance on a bench for himself, Rico and Steven Richards. This would be your latest segment seemingly saying that she’s a sex slave.

Kane has Van Dam chained to a post in the back and covers him with gasoline while shouting about wanting Rob to feel his pain. He lights the match but says he’s not going to do it because that’s what they want. We can now add torture and threats of murder to this show’s list of crimes.

Randy Orton vs. Goldberg

HHH and Flair are on commentary while Austin is ringside enforcer. Orton runs around the ring to start and gets shouldered down back inside. We look at commentary talking about Orton not wanting to be World Champion on Sunday as Orton makes a comeback and clotheslines Goldberg over the top. A whip sends Goldberg into the steps and it’s off to the chinlock back inside.

The referee gets bumped though (AGAIN) so Austin comes in and counts two off a Goldberg clothesline. Goldberg grabs a kneebar so Flair comes down to pull Austin out before the submission. Austin beats Flair down and it’s the spear to cut Orton down. A Stunner does the same to Flair, followed by the Jackhammer to end Orton.

Rating: D. Why does WWE insist on booking Goldberg like anyone else? You could have had Nash or Michaels in the same spot and done the exact same match. Goldberg is a once in a generation talent and for some reason he’s being treated like he’s any given face. Let him be the big dominant monster (as in the style that got him where he is) instead of acting like he’s just the challenger of the month.

Goldberg stares HHH down but gets decked by Nash (now with a normal haircut), who comes in through the crowd. HHH walks into a superkick from Shawn, who gets chaired down by Jericho. Chris poses with the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. Let’s see: forced entry, rape, cruelty to animals, sex slavery and being rude to Canadians. That’s the best they can do to set up the second biggest night of the year? I know things tend to get better around the time of the bigger shows but in this case, they need to get past Summerslam as fast as they can. This was a really bad show and made me care about the pay per view even less than I already did. Really bad effort here with a lot of things that were more in bad taste than anything else.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6