Monday Night Raw
Date: July 24, 2017
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Booker T., Michael Cole, Corey Graves

We’ve got less than a month to go before Summerslam and that means we need to start filling up the card. General Manager Kurt Angle has promised to settle the #1 contendership issue tonight but we also need to find out more about his new son Jason Jordan. There are three matches announced in advance for tonight so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show where Braun Strowman broke up the #1 contenders match between Roman Reigns and Samoa Joe.

Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up. Angle talks about the weight being lifted off his shoulders since he’s announced Jason Jordan as his son (Quick sidebar: why would having an illegitimate son from nearly thirty years ago cost him his family? Are Angle’s wife and family so nuts that they can’t accept him dating in college?).

As for the #1 contendership, Brock Lesnar will be defending against…..someone we’ll find out later as Braun Strowman interrupts to say he better be getting the title shot. Cue Samoa Joe to say he wants another shot at Lesnar because he knows he can finish him. Strowman and Reigns can finish each other but he better get his title shot. Roman comes out to say Joe and Strowman haven’t done anything to earn a shot and lists off all of his accomplishments.

Angle changes his mind again and makes the four way for Summerslam. Joe isn’t happy but the brawl breaks out anyway with Joe and Reigns hammering away on Strowman. That lasts all of thirty seconds before they start fighting each other. Strowman gets back up and beats on Reigns before dominating Angle’s security. Joe gets the choke on Strowman until the locker room comes out for another failed save attempt. Reigns spears Strowman down but he pops right back up and sends Joe and Reigns outside.

Elias Samson vs. Finn Balor

No DQ due to Samson hitting Balor with a guitar last week. Balor breaks up the pre-match song and sends him outside early on. Back from a break with Balor still in control until a shot to the banged up shoulder puts him in trouble. Samson grabs a chair but it’s Balor kicking him away and scoring with the basement dropkick. Samson’s armbar is broken without much effort and Balor hammers away in the corner.

Finn grabs the chair but Samson takes it away and hits him in the back with it as we take our second break in less than ten minutes. Back again with Balor getting kicked out to the floor and a shoulder breaker giving Samson two. Samson makes the mistake of loading a chair in the corner, meaning his head bounces off of it a few seconds later. Balor catches him in the ring skirt and hammers away ala fellow Irishman Fit Finlay.

A very fired up Finn stomps him down to the floor again and there’s the running kick to the face. Some chair shots have Samson beaten down even more and it’s the shotgun dropkick into the Coup de Grace….but here’s Bray Wyatt. Sister Abigail plants Balor and Samson gets the pin at 17:56.

Rating: B-. Longer than it needed to be but this did a good job of setting up the likely Summerslam match. Balor gets to keep looking strong and Samson gets the biggest win of his career, completely by the rules as well. I’m not sure what they’re planning with Samson but I haven’t seen many newcomers protected like him in a good while.

Bray spider walks over to Finn and says Follow the Buzzards.

We look back at Angle’s announcement last week.

Angle is excited to watch Jordan’s first singles match. Emma of all people comes up to say she wants some TV time. Maybe she can just start dating Jason. Angle gives her Nia Jax tonight.

Enzo Amore’s plan to deal with Big Cass tonight: not have a plan.

Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass

Before the match, Enzo says he has a tank full of heart and the people in this arena are the key. This is a race and he can’t wait to run into Cass like a finish line. Shouldn’t that be run OVER Cass like a finish line? Enzo kicks at the leg to start but a dropkick is swatted away. A sleeper is quickly broken up and Cass kicks him in the ribs. Enzo tries to fight back with some rights and lefts, earning himself some hard rams into the corner. One heck of a running bit boot ends Amore at 3:37.

Rating: D+. That’s exactly what the match needed to be but they don’t need to do it again. Amore isn’t in Cass’ league physically and there’s no point in having him beaten down like this for a third time. Just put him on 205 Live already or have someone stand up to Cass (as in Big Show) already because we’ve covered this thoroughly.

Post match Cass stays on him until Big Show makes the save, only to get kicked in the head. Cass drops a bunch of Empire Elbows and leaves Show down in the corner.

Alexa Bliss can’t wait to see Sasha Banks and Bayley (“Team Gag Reflex”) explode. She knows one of them is going to go too far to win and avoid watching Summerslam on the WWE Network. No matter what happens, she’ll be the real winner tonight.

Emma vs. Nia Jax

Emma goes after her like you go after a monster, only to get shoved down and splashed in the corner. A running flip backsplash puts Emma away at 1:24. I’d bet money this was punishment for Emma’s complaints last week.

Akira Tozawa is ready to fight Ariya Daivari when Titus O’Neil comes up to say the match is canceled due to the bad shoulder. Tozawa is livid and says he’s going to the ring anyway, without Titus.

Post break Tozawa is in the ring and wants Daivari out here (Unfair as Daivari was told he wouldn’t have a match. He might be off at a Bingo tournament.) but gets Neville instead. Neville takes credit for the bad shoulder and calls Tozawa pathetic. Tozawa hits him in the face with the good arm and kicks Neville down to set up the top rope backsplash. Cue Daivari (Bingo must have closed up early) to beat up both guys.

Bayley and Sasha are ready but don’t agree on who will win.

We recap the opening segment.

Jason Jordan is ready for his match with Curt Hawkins and wants to make his father proud. It’s like a dream come true.

Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins are about to talk strategy but Ambrose says he doesn’t trust Seth, which doesn’t sit well.

Bayley vs. Sasha Banks

The winner gets Bliss, who sits in on commentary, at Summerslam. Feeling out process to start with Bayley grabbing a rollup but getting smacked in the face. Bayley gets in a kick and the charge in the corner, only to get knocked off the top as we take a break. Back with Bayley fighting out of a double arm crank and getting two off a facebuster. The Backstabber into the Bank Statement has Bayley in trouble until she flips over into a rollup for two.

They slap it out with Banks getting the better of it, only to miss the top rope knees. Bayley knees her in the head but gets caught with a Shining Wizard to put both of them down. A fired up Bayley gets more aggressive than she’s been in a long time and slugs away, only to have a superplex broken up. Sasha hits a frog splash but Bayley reverses the cover into a rollup for the pin and the title shot at 13:14.

Rating: B-. Good match here as Bayley continues her short road to redemption. Having Bayley win the title on the big stage could be interesting but it’s more likely that Banks turns on her to cost Bayley her chance. At least they’re building up the card in a hurry though as this is the second match announced in about two hours.

Bliss comes to the ring for the staredown.

Video on a Special Olympian.

Curt Hawkins vs. Jason Jordan

Hawkins punches him in the face before the match and gets suplexes down for his efforts. Some crossface shots and a belly to back get two as Angle is watching on. There’s the belly to belly and the shoulder in the corner, followed by a belly to back suplex into a neckbreaker to put Hawkins away at 1:44. Jordan looked fired up (as he always did) but a bit sloppy. Better than I was expecting though.

The Revival comes to the ring for an interview with Dawson telling Charly Caruso to get out because they’ve got this. They’re the best tag team in the world right now because they chased New Day off to Smackdown, took out the Hardys and scared Enzo and Cass so much that they split up too. Cue Anderson and Gallows to say they’re the good brothers and this is a good brothers town. They did everything that the Revival did before the Revival, including being bald.

Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Anderson gets taken into the Revival corner to start for some double teaming, only to have Anderson and Gallows double team the Revival to the floor like some good brothers would. We take a break and come back with Anderson having to punch Dawson in the face as he tries for a hot tag. Gallows comes in and starts cleaning house with a big boot and a splash for no cover on Scott. The Boot of Doom is loaded up but here are the Hardys to interrupt. Revival is thrown to the floor but the distraction just lets them come back in for a Shatter Machine and the pin on Anderson at 9:45.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure if this was a face turn for Anderson and Gallows but they could certainly use one, much like the division as a whole. The match was a bit of a mess but that’s all you can expect when you have a short match with interference taking up a good chunk of the thing. Still though, it’s promising.

The Hardys lay out Revival but they escape before a Swanton can hit.

Miz gives the Miztourage a pep talk. He’s successful in Hollywood because he’s an original instead of all those rebooted franchises. You know, like the Shield.

Next week: Jason Jordan on MizTV and Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman.

Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins vs. Miz/Miztourage

Ambrose hammers on Axel to start and runs him over for some right hands and elbows to the head. Rollins comes in for a knee drop as we see Sheamus and Cesaro watching. That….could be interesting actually. Miz comes in and eats a Sling Blade, followed by the Miztourage being cleared out as we take a break. Back with Rollins in trouble as Miz cuts off a hot tag attempt.

Miz gets two off a neckbreaker and it’s off to Axel for a dropkick (Axel: “HOW GOOD WAS THAT???”). Rollins fights off Dallas but it’s still not enough as Miz grabs a DDT for two more. We hit the YES Kicks with Corey singing Miz’s praises because he can. The good old double clothesline puts both Rollins and Miz down, followed by a quick roll over to Ambrose for the hot tag.

House is quickly cleaned, including a rebound lariat on Dallas. The top rope elbow is good for two as everything breaks down. Axel escapes Dirty Deeds and it’s the Skull Crushing Finale for two on Ambrose. Stereo suicide dives put the Miztourage down though and it’s Dirty Deeds to put Miz away at 17:47.

Rating: B-. They got along well enough but I can’t imagine they’ll put the Shield back together for real anytime soon. The match wasn’t great or anything though it’s not like this was supposed to be a classic of any kind. I liked the match and they did a good enough job of keeping the crowd going. I’m not sure where this is going at the end but it’s got enough of my attention.

Post match Seth puts out the fist for the Shield pose but Ambrose leaves him hanging to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this show more than I was expecting to and a lot of that has to do with scheduling stuff in advance. Instead of having to spend so many segments setting up matches, we could get straight to the promos before the matches and then the matches themselves. It’s how wrestling has worked for the better part of ever and I have no idea why WWE felt the need to mess with it. At least Summerslam’s build is looking strong and that’s a very good sign.

Results

Elias Samson b. Finn Balor – Sister Abigail from Bray Wyatt

Big Cass b. Enzo Amore – Big boot

Nia Jax b. Emma – Running flip backsplash

Bayley b. Sasha Banks – Rollup

Jason Jordan b. Curt Hawkins – Belly to back neckbreaker

Revival b. Anderson and Gallows – Shatter Machine to Anderson

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 17, 2003
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home Raw for No Way Out and thankfully Scott Steiner vs. HHH II doesn’t feel like it’s anywhere near the biggest thing on the show anymore. Unfortunately what is the biggest story on this show is the chance that Steve Austin will be here on Sunday, which leaves a bunch of talking and nothing to see building up to the show. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam

Warmup for Sunday’s Tag Team Title match. Storm cartwheels out of a monkey flip but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. A middle rope crossbody gives Rob two so Storm sends him into the corner for some right hands. After telling the referee that he has until five, Storm gets caught with a spinwheel kick for two more as the crowd is rather silent for this. You don’t often get that with a Van Dam match.

Storm is right back with a chinlock but Rob comes back with even more kicks for another near fall. The Maple Leaf doesn’t last long as Rob gets to the ropes and comes back (again) with kicks and Rolling Thunder. Regal tries to break up the Five Star but has to deal with Kane. The distraction lets Storm get up and try a superplex, only to be shoved down so the Five Star can finish him off.

Rating: C-. Rob didn’t seem interested in trying here as it was almost all kicks plus Rolling Thunder and the Five Star. Normally he’ll add in a little more than that for the sake of some flavor but this was pretty dull stuff. At least the right team won before we get to the title match on Sunday.

Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy are in the back with Shawn complaining about the airline losing his bag. Eric Bischoff comes up so they wish him luck against Austin on Sunday. That’s not cool with Eric for some reason and he threatens the two of them, saying they’ll need luck later.

Here’s Bischoff to say there’s someone here in Columbus who needs to be addressed. It’s Chief Morely, who is reinstated as Bischoff’s Chief of Staff. Bischoff doesn’t want to hear about the fans, nor does he want smiles from Shawn and Hardy. Actually, let’s just have Shawn and Jeff team up to face Chris Jericho and Christian in a No DQ match.

As for the Dudleyz, they’ve been suspended and thrown out of the building. We see a clip of them being thrown out so Bischoff makes Spike vs. 3 Minute Warning and Rico. Finally, Bischoff brags about his martial arts skills and wants to showcase them a bit. Therefore, tonight it’s Bischoff vs. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN……..’s best friend Jim Ross! You can hear the crowd die as soon as he said best friend and with good reason.

This is more of the same story we’ve been seeing: Bischoff and Morely being all evil and messing with the same people while Austin will certainly be here one day. Last week Vince did various things to Bischoff and now we’re right back where we were Vince showed up last week. Why would I want to keep watching if they keep bringing us back to this same point over and over again?

Steven Richards tries to get Victoria to talk to Jazz before their tag match. They finally do talk, but Jazz just threatens to take the title.

Jazz/Victoria vs. Molly Holly/Jacqueline

Jazz drops Molly in a hurry so it’s off to Victoria, who gets small packaged for two. Victoria starts choking as Lawler mocks Molly’s attire (it’s not the best, basically pants and a regular top). The slingshot legdrop is loaded up but Jazz tags herself in before Victoria can use it, much to the champ’s chagrin. A splash misses though and it’s off to Jackie to clean house. Jazz sends her into Victoria though and finishes with a DDT.

Rating: D. Just like earlier, the crowd completely died for this one as Jazz and Jackie may be tough but she’s not interesting. Molly is talented but doesn’t have charisma, leaving Victoria who is crazy and gets your attention but is a heel, leaving no one for the fans to care about in the whole thing.

Jazz beats on Molly as well and has the staredown with Victoria to a grand non-reaction.

We look back at Goldust being electrocuted.

Booker T. says Goldust will be back in a few weeks but he’s having neurological issues and isn’t right. As for tonight though, Booker is ready to fight Batista and Randy Orton for making fun of Goldust’s condition.

Evolution makes fun of Goldust and preps for the tag match tonight.

JR and King mention the passing of Mr. Perfect and we get the video tribute. Thankfully they include Perfect doing all the sports, which he really could do…..if the camera wasn’t on. Apparently he would mess up while the cameras were on so the director kept having to lie about them being off so he could do them right.

Here’s Teddy Long with the debuting Rodney Mack, who used to be known as Red Dawg on Smackdown. It seems that Long has gotten rid of D’Lo Brown for not being able to handle the man. Tonight it’s Mack vs. Al Snow. Teddy: “Did I say Snow? It don’t get no whiter than that!” See, Snow has the same chance tonight as a black man ever has of being President.

Rodney Mack vs. Al Snow

Snow charges in and gets stomped down as Teddy preaches the virtues of backing the Mack. The Snow Plow connects but Al goes up for a moonsault for no apparent reason, only to hit knees. A double underhook driver/powerbomb (imagine a double arm DDT but Mack pushed him forward a bit and let him go so the back of Snow’s head crashed to the mat) gives Mack the pin.

Jericho and Christian have a discussion about screaming girls and sexy beasts. A surprise is promised for Shawn. Jericho swats his gum away ala Mr. Perfect because Jericho is cool like that.

Shawn Michaels/Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho/Christian

No DQ and Lillian sounds like she’s in a tunnel for the entrances. Shawn is in street clothes due to the airline losing his bag but he’s able to crotch Christian against the post to start. The announcers try to figure out Jeff’s heel turn, even though it doesn’t seem to actually exist anymore.

Jeff gets dropped in the ring though, leaving Shawn to take a double teaming on the floor. That’s not all though as Shawn gets handcuffed to the bottom rope rung, making this a handicap match, complete with tags because agents don’t understand No DQ matches. Christian chokes away with the boot and cuts off Hardy’s comeback with the reverse DDT.

Jericho decides to taunt Shawn with the key before ripping Shawn’s shirt off and whipping his chest with a belt. A quick Whisper in the Wind drops Christian though and Jeff gives Shawn the key. Jericho eats a superkick and Christian gets slammed off the top, followed by a good looking dive. Now Jericho comes back in with a chair, only to have it superkicked into his face. The Swanton finishes Jericho.

Rating: C. We’re building to Shawn vs. Jericho so Chris gets pinned in this match when Christian is RIGHT THERE? And for what? The sake of pushing Hardy, who doesn’t even have a pay per view match at the moment? Then again Jericho is facing Test of all people at No Way Out so I have no idea what they’re thinking at this point.

Jericho flips out in the back and wants Hardy, who hasn’t won a match in four months. Two actually but I think the point stands.

Hurricane vs. Christopher Nowinski

During Hurricane’s entrance, we see Bischoff’s announcement about facing JR. Did they really have to get that in again? The fans think Harvard suck but barely react when Hurricane catches him with a clothesline. Hurricane sends him to the floor for a slingshot hurricanrana as Lawler tries to explain that Nowinski was so popular at Harvard that no one liked him. Back in and they trade rollups until Hurricane misses the Blockbuster. A modified spinebuster gives Nowinski two but the Eye of the Hurricane puts him away.

Rating: D. These are the kind of guys who could benefit from having the Intercontinental Title around. Not that they would be champion or even serious contenders for it, but you could buy them as trying to get into the title hunt. No one is going to buy them as World Title contenders though, making this nothing more than filler otherwise. A midcard title is a conceivable goal for someone like Hurricane but without it, he’s just kind of there for random matches like this one.

Morely makes fun of JR (how original) while Bischoff warms up. They’re ready to see Spike Dudley get beaten up.

Spike Dudley vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

There’s nothing to say here: Spike gets beaten up for three and a half minutes with every single move you would expect from these three. A splash from Jamal lets Rico get the pin (while grabbing tights). This is a thing that happened and we’re moving on.

No Way Out rundown.

Scott Steiner gives a shockingly normal interview about Sunday. HHH says he’s the best but he couldn’t beat Steiner so Steiner must be the best. He’ll prove it on Sunday when he wins the title. Booker comes up to exchange catchphrases.

Scott Steiner/Booker T. vs. HHH/Batista

Booker throws HHH (with his taped thigh) around to start and gets two off a backdrop. The jumping knee drops Booker though and it’s off to Batista for some clubbing forearms. Steiner comes in and glares at HHH but stops to go after Flair, allowing HHH to jump him from behind.

Orton gets in a few cheap shots on the floor, sending JR into a funny rant about how long Orton has been on the shelf with a shoulder injury. Back in and Steiner has to fight out of the sleeper for the hot tag to Booker so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and Steiner beats up Evolution, leaving Booker to ax kick HHH for the surprise pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but it’s nice that they’re not even trying to hide the fact that Steiner is DONE in the main event and Sunday is just a formality. Booker seems to be the next challenger for the title, which would have been better a few months ago but at least it seems to be happening.

Bischoff comes out for the match with JR but first he has to beat up some boards and watermelons.

Eric Bischoff vs. Jim Ross

Coach is on commentary. Eric makes it no holds barred and does the Karate Kid pose so JR hits him in the face, drawing in Morely for the beatdown. Morely puts a cinder block next to JR’s head for the big kick and JR is out. Cue Lawler for the save attempt but Morely beats him down, leaving Bischoff to pin the bloody JR with a kick.

Rating: F. This wasn’t a match and that’s about what was expected. I know Bischoff is all cocky because he has Val Venis in his corner and knows karate but this is reaching a pretty low point in stupid evil boss history. At least Vince would hire a big name or some monster to fight for him. Morely isn’t enough and it’s not exactly a secret.

Bischoff drinks beer in Austin fashion to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Raw is in big trouble at the moment and I’m not sure if Austin is the solution. To be fair though, a lot of the problem is talking about Austin all the time despite him never showing up on TV. This show was a lot of filler and a lot of Bischoff and that really doesn’t make for a good two hours. Another lame show this week but now it’s just directionless and boring instead of horrible and I guess that’s a step up (I think?).

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 17, 2017
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T.

For the first time in a good while we have a major announcement to look forward to. This week will see the reveal of whatever Kurt Angle’s big secret has been and there’s going to be someone here with him to reveal it. There are multiple rumors floating around about what it could be and it should be interesting to see which, if any, is accurate. Let’s get to it.

Long recap of the Angle situation.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Dean Ambrose with a chair to open things up. He goes off about his issues with Miz but here’s Seth Rollins to interrupt. Seth talks about everything he’s done with Miz as of late but Dean says he doesn’t want anyone’s help. Rollins’ question is if Ambrose will be in his way or by his side.

Dean talks about Rollins breaking up the Shield and how they were brothers. Seth actually apologizes for what he did, which he never did before. While it’s true that he turned on Ambrose and Roman Reigns, Seth remembers tearing into Ambrose inside the Cell. He still wants to have Dean with him but Ambrose isn’t convinced.

Seth has an idea though and turns his back on Dean, saying take as many shots with the chair as you need. Ambrose can’t do it so here are Miz and the Miztourage to interrupt. Miz laughs this off because neither of them have what it takes to do this on their own. The fight is on and the numbers get the better of Rollins and Ambrose. A series of chair shots leaves our heroes laying.

Miz and company leave in a hurry.

Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss

Non-title. Bliss slaps her in the face to start and gets driven into the corner for some aggressive stomping to send Bliss to the apron. Cue Nia Jax though and we take a break. Back with Bliss stomping away but missing a charge to send her outside. A Stunner over the ropes slows Bliss down (those Steve Austin show appearances paid off) and the top rope elbow makes things even worse. Bayley chases her to the floor but Jax cuts her off, allowing Bliss to take over. Cue Sasha to take out Jax though and it’s the Bayley to Belly to pin Bliss at 8:13.

Rating: C. I’m assuming we’re setting up Bayley vs. Banks for the #1 contenderdship or one of their beloved four ways because screw storytelling for a one on one match when you can just throw them all together. Bayley is being rebuilt but I wish they could come up with a way to do it besides pinning Bliss in back to back weeks.

Graves gets a text and bails.

Clip from the ESPY’s with a wrestling fan winning an award for courage. Stephanie also received an award at the Sports Humanitarian Awards. Guess which speech gets more time.

Video on Roman Reigns.

Angle is panicking and isn’t sure if he should do this. Graves says do it because it’s going to get out somehow anyway. That seems to convince Kurt.

We recap Akira Tozawa vs. Neville.

Titus O’Neil gives Titus Worldwide a pep talk. Ariya Daivari, who was in a match with Tozawa last week, comes in and challenges him for a rematch later tonight.

Brian Kendrick/Drew Gulak vs. Jack Gallagher/Mustafa Ali

Kendrick bails away from Gallagher to start so we’ll go with Drew instead. Jack works on the knees but Drew pops up and knocks Ali off the apron. One heck of a chop drops Gallagher for two but the headbutt puts Kendrick down. It’s off to Ali for the inverted 450 and the pin at 2:35.

Here’s Enzo Amore for a chat. He knows he lost at Great Balls of Fire but he knows you have to keep getting up if you believe in what you’re fighting for. He’s not done with Big Cass, who may be much bigger and stronger but Enzo has the heart. Cass threw him fourteen feet to the floor but Enzo got back up and kept going. They were friends for years with Enzo making sure Cass stuck with it because Cass is S-A-W-F-T like a big comfy couch.

Cue Cass to chase Enzo off because Enzo says he’s smarter than the average bear. Enzo grabs a seat in the crowd with an Enzo fan to watch this. Cue Big Show for a brawl but Cass kicks him in the face. The fight is on with Show getting the better of it via a hard chop to the chest. Cass sends him into the post twice in a row though and Show’s ribs are hurt. Kicks to the ribs make them even worse and Show is down. Enzo tries to come in and eats a big boot for his efforts. This was another well done Cass segment as I’m very glad they didn’t have Show chase him off. Let Cass look dominant and then win the match. It’s that simple.

Reigns says tonight is all that matters because he wants Lesnar at Summerslam.

Ambrose and Rollins are banged up but still want Miz and company. Angle comes in and offers them a tag match with any two of the three next week. Dean says let’s just make it all three in a handicap match so Angle agrees.

Elias Samson is ready to sing about Nashville but Finn Balor cuts him off.

Finn Balor vs. Elias Samson

Cole tells a story about Elias following NXT around Florida and eventually getting arrested for loitering, only to have Dusty Rhodes bail him out. Graves is of course livid about the story, only to have Elias slam Balor into the corner to cut them off. Balor fights up without too much effort but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two. Finn comes back again and takes it outside for the running dropkick into the barricade, only to have Samson BLAST him with the guitar for the DQ at 5:05.

Rating: D+. This was more of an angle than a match though I still wonder why Balor is stuck with Samson. Elias has been better than I was expecting but sweet goodness Balor is a former World Champion and one of the best talents on the roster. Why is he stuck in this midcard feud instead of fighting for the Intercontinental Title at worst?

Bray Wyatt pops up on screen to say Balor didn’t see that coming. Wyatt feels the need to hurt Balor and brings up the Irish mythology. Bray isn’t just a myth though and promises to bring his full powers against Finn. He’ll even enjoy it.

Video on Samoa Joe.

Angle is on the phone when Bayley and Sasha come in, both wanting to fight Bliss at Summerslam. Kurt makes a #1 contenders match between the two of them for next week.

The announcers preview Battleground.

We look back at the Revival attacking the Hardys last week.

Revival attacked the Hardys just because they’re the Hardys. No one has flipped around more than the Hardys so it’s time to use some fists on them.

Akira Tozawa vs. Ariya Daivari

The ropes are still red here. Daivari dedicates this match to an Iranian gold medalist from the 2016 Olympics. Tozawa starts fast but bangs up his shoulder to give Daivari a target. The shoulder is sent hard into the corner and Daivari talks a lot of trash, only to get caught in a hurricanrana. A Codebreaker to the arm gives Daivari two and the shoulder goes into the corner again. That’s enough for Titus who tells the referee to stop it at 2:56.

Tozawa is livid and says Titus never cared about him.

Here’s Angle for the announcement. Everyone is supporting him in this decision and he’s glad to get this off his chest. When he was in college he was dating a woman but then they broke up. Then nine months later, she had a child, which Kurt didn’t find out until recently. It turns out that the kid was a very talented athlete who had several offers to play various sports.

Instead he went to college and earned a degree, followed by pursuing a career in professional wrestling. That son is now a WWE superstar and the newest member of the Raw roster. His name is……Jason Jordan! Jason comes out and hugs Kurt several times but nothing is said.

Revival vs. Hardy Boyz

It’s a brawl to start with Revival bailing to the floor before the bell. We officially get going with Matt headlocking Dawson down, only to get pummeled by Wilder. Matt does his ten rams into each buckle and everything breaks down with the Hardys cleaning house again. They even bust out the Spin Cycle (picking up someone by the arms and legs from the mat and flipping them from their face onto their back), which Booker calls new, though it’s really just brought out of mothballs.

Back from a break with Matt in trouble and Dawson putting on a standing leglock. Wilder gets in some leg work of his own but Dawson is kicked outside, allowing the hot tag to Jeff. A quick splash gets two but Matt has to save his brother from the Shatter Machine. The Twisting Stunner gives Jeff two more, only to have Wilder crotch him to break up the Swanton. Dawson grabs a rollup and jeans for the pin at 13:21.

Rating: C+. The right team won and that’s what matters more than anything else. The Hardys don’t need to win much of anything at this point so having them put over a team like the Revival is best for everyone involved. On top of that it was a good match and that’s just scratching Revival’s surface.

Samoa Joe gives a very intense interview about being ready to beat Roman Reigns again because it gives him another shot at Brock.

Video on a Special Olympian who is in the front row.

Tozawa is in Titus’ locker room and repeats that he didn’t quit. Titus can accept Tozawa being mad at him but Tozawa needs to understand that Titus was looking out for his future. Tozawa seems to accept it but wants a match with Daivari tomorrow night on 205 Live.

Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns

Winner gets Lesnar at Summerslam. They trade shoulders to start and it’s Joe being knocked outside as we take an early break. Back with Joe hitting his enziguri in the corner and we’re off to the neck crank. That eats up a long time until Reigns fights up and hits a running clothesline for two. That’s some of Reigns’ only significant offense so far as this has been almost all Joe in the first half.

They head outside with Joe clotheslining him so hard that Reigns lands on the apron. Reigns hits a clothesline of his own to put both guys down as we take another break. Back with Joe talking trash until Reigns comes back with a Samoan drop. One heck of a boot to the face drops Joe again but he’s right back up and blocking a belly to back suplex.

The Rock Bottom is broken up and there’s the Superman Punch for two. With both guys down, cue the returning Braun Strowman to pull Joe out and beat up Reigns for the no contest (though it should be a DQ victory for Joe, who was the first one to be touched) at about 19:00.

Rating: B-. This was definitely the kind of match where they were filling in time until the storyline ending and there’s nothing wrong with that. Neither guy was pinned and it was pretty even when Strowman came in. This is likely setting up what could be a very interesting four way at Summerslam and I’m ok with that.

Reigns and Joe beat on Strowman but both eventually fall victim to powerslams.

Overall Rating: C+. I dug this episode more than most weeks and that’s a good sign. The Angle announcement felt short but big while the main event felt big but long and ultimately meaningless given how things ended. I still liked the show tonight though, which isn’t something I get to say that often. If nothing else they’ve announced THREE matches for next week, which might be a modern day record. Nice show here and better than several they’ve done in recent weeks.

Results

Bayley b. Alexa Bliss – Bayley to Belly

Jack Gallagher/Mustafa Ali b. Brian Kendrick/Drew Gulak – Inverted 450 to Kendrick

Finn Balor b. Elias Samson via DQ when Samson hit him with a guitar

Ariya Daivari b. Akira Tozawa via referee stoppage

Revival b. Hardy Boyz – Rollup with a handful of jeans

Roman Reigns vs. Samoa Joe went to a no contest when Braun Strowman interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 25, 1994
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Utica, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

It has to be better than last week, almost by definition. That being said, the big draw for the week is Nikolai Volkoff as the guest on the King’s Court. I’m really scared of what this show might do to my psyche and I survived the entirety of Nitro and Thunder. At least this one is just an hour long so let’s get to it.

Vince immediately plugs Volkoff’s appearance and we’re already in the downward spiral.

Opening sequence.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Non-title but if Jarrett wins, he’s going to be on a country music talk show. Vince makes sure to get in Hee Haw jokes but I’m more interested in Ramon’s powder blue boots. Jeff takes him down and swats at Razor’s head to start but is quickly tossed outside with the fall away slam. Razor follows him outside and gets sent into the steps as we see Volkoff sitting in the crowd (not mentioned by commentary).

Jeff gets two off an elbow to the jaw and there’s the middle rope fist drop for the same. We hit the chinlock as the announcers switch over to boxing. Back from a break with Razor’s sunset flip getting two and Savage needing a shower. It’s off to a sleeper for the required two arm drops. Savage: “I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE!”

Razor’s belly to back suplex gets two but gets sent outside….and here’s Shawn Michaels. Shawn doesn’t do anything but Razor hits him in the jaw anyway. Well to be fair he’s a bad guy. Razor makes his latest comeback and clotheslines Jeff to the floor but stops to pull Shawn inside. The beating is on, only to have Diesel come in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. The match wasn’t even all that great but it’s already made the show better than anything else they had going on in recent weeks. Jarrett certainly isn’t the most interesting wrestler in the world but at least he’s capable of having a good match if you give him the right opponent. He and Razor always had good chemistry too so the match was certainly watchable.

Diesel destroys Razor post match, including hitting the Jackknife and standing on his chest. Shawn does the same and drops the title on Ramon. Diesel would win the title on Sunday’s TV show.

Shawn says Diesel is the real champion. Diesel says the opportunity was there and he seized it.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Tony DeVito

The announcers talk about Jimmy Carter’s daughter and Prince Charles’ dog. Vince: “I don’t get the connection.” DeVito hits a shoulder but gets dropkicked down. Out of current news to discuss/mock, Vince gets a call from Jack Tunny, who officially makes the Quebecers vs. the Headshrinkers for the titles next week. Bigelow finishes with the enziguri.

The Quebecers will face the Headshrinkers but they’re NOT happy with it.

The Mayor of Stamford, Connecticut thanks the company for a fundraiser they held recently. Did we mention Vince was dealing with the steroids trial around this time? No connection of course but just though I’d throw that out there.

Heavenly Bodies vs. John Paul/Jason Headings

Paul gets thrown around to start so it’s off to the long haired Headings, who takes a quick Veg-O-Matic for two. We hear about Mr. Perfect no showing a match in Cincinnati and an indefinite suspension as a result. Translation: he’s left the company, as would the Steiners and the Quebecers around this time. Del Ray takes Headings down and gyrates his (own) hips, which Vince calls disgusting. Prichard suplexes Del Ray into a moonsault for two as Vince talks about National Secretaries Week. Del Ray’s moonsault press finishes Jason.

Rating: D+. I couldn’t stand the Bodies back in the day but they’ve grown on me in repeat viewings. They were a solid, slower paced team and that’s where Cornette was perfect as the manager. Good little squash here with Del Ray’s high flying helping move things along quite well.

It’s King’s Court time with Lawler bringing up Volkoff, who is $8 shy of having thirty cents. Lawler mocks the hideous brown suit as you can see a lot of empty seats in the upper deck. That’s a bad sign when the building only holds about 5,700. Lawler makes jokes about Volkoff’s poverty but Volkoff says he’ll tell the truth. He’s just come from Europe but now he’s home in the United States. He’s made some bad investments and has lost a lot of money, though he’ll still fight Lawler anytime. Volkoff is looking for a job and is willing to work for any honest man. We’re actually to the point where a former evil foreign goon is the sympathetic face? There was NO ONE else available for this story?

1-2-3 Kid vs. Duane Gill

The announcers AGAIN talk about the Wrestlemania Revenge house show tour as Kid gets hammered in the corner to start. Kid gets in a top rope clothesline and a spinning kick to the jaw to take over. Gill takes him back down and grabs a chinlock as Vince gets on Savage for failing at reading an ad for a movie. Kid fights up and finishes with the spinwheel kick.

Rating: D+. At least Kid’s offense is entertaining enough to make these things a bit more bearable. Gill was one of those career jobbers until he somehow wound up winning the Light Heavyweight Title because you never can guess how things are going to go in wrestling. Nothing to see here of course but I’m still trying to get my head around Volkoff being a face, even for a short bit of time.

A guy at a deli saw Undertaker buying cheese. Apparently he likes pickles too. And they wonder why they were in peril at this point.

Owen Hart vs. Rich Myers

Owen trips him down to start and slaps him in the face as you can see at least four empty seats in the first five rows. A gutwrench suplex plants Myers as we hit the WE WANT BRET chants. The beating continues until Owen avoids a dropkick and grabs the Sharpshooter for the submission.

Rating: D. Another boring squash but that’s just what you have to expect at this point. Owen was on a roll at this point though and the WE WANT BRET chants at least show that they have a hot angle. Unfortunately it would be FOUR MONTHS before their title match with almost nothing of note in between from the two of them.

Johnny Polo and Lou Albano argue some more. Johnny: “WHAT ARE YOU A CAPTAIN OF ANYWAY???” Savage has had enough and grabs Polo so Albano can nail him to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The opener helps this a lot but it’s very clear that the extra pay per views in 1995 helped a lot. There’s just NOTHING between Wrestlemania and King of the Ring and even that was a pretty lame show. Owen vs. Bret will be good but we’ll all be dead of old age by the time we get there. Bad show, but not as bad as the rest of the terrible month.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 18, 1994
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Utica, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

Save us Bret. Like please, SAVE US. The shows have gotten even more boring than they’ve been in the months leading up to this, which I wouldn’t have believed to be possible. Thank goodness Bret is back tonight and hopefully he can turn things around a bit. As long as Men on a Mission isn’t wrestling, we should be ok. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Lawler falling off the throne last week.

Opening sequence.

Savage wants a title shot against Bret. Why didn’t he get one at some point actually?

Bret Hart vs. Kwang

Non-title. Kwang wastes no time in jumping Bret during the entrances and scores off some early kicks. If nothing else we get the highly amusing idea of Vince trying to call the various kicks in a moment that would make Eric Bischoff cry. Bret easily takes him down and works on the arm, only to be sent hard out to the floor. A weak forearm from the apron drops Bret again as Vince says Kwang could be ranked in contention for the title if he wins here. I’ll take that over “getting into the title hunt”.

Back from a break with Bret still in trouble via a nerve hold as Owen Hart calls in. The power of his brother’s voice lets Bret get in a crossbody, only to have Kwang choke him on the ropes again. Bret avoids a spinwheel kick as Owen brags about beating Bret at Wrestlemania (as he should). The Five Moves of Doom set up the Sharpshooter to make Kwang quit. Savage: “THIS IS HISTORY!”

Rating: D. What were you expecting here? When a guy isn’t even good enough to guarantee a spot in the title hunt by beating the champ, it might be time to find a better career. Like as a Caribbean legend with a high level of success strap matches. Bret vs. Owen is clearly the big match coming up and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Doink and Dink were at a charity hockey game. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Jeff Jarrett vs. P.J. Walker

The announcers talk about current events to avoid having to talk about how bad this match could be. Jeff takes him down to start and runs his mouth about wanting respect. Well I guess Jarrett is higher up in the ranks than Kwang. Savage STILL wants a shot at Bret and again I want to know why that never went anywhere, even as a one off house show match. We hit the abdominal stretch and let’s talk about a book written by Bill Clinton’s mother. Jarrett keeps things slow with a slingshot suplex and middle rope fist drop (Where’s Lawler when you need him?). A DDT ends Walker.

Rating: D. It’s slightly better than the opener, mainly due to a lack of Caribbean martial arts. Jarrett was ridiculously boring though and that’s not made any better by Vince ripping on Clinton for some issues with beauty queens. I’ll spare you the Trump joke/reference for now and get away from this match as fast as I can.

Lou Albano wants a title shot for the Headshrinkers next week.

Steiner Brothers vs. Barry Hardy/Mike Khoury

Scott throws Khoury around with ease before it’s off to Barry, who eats a t-bone suplex of his own. A hard kick to the ribs makes things even worse as the Steiners are seeming a bit stiffer than usual. Rick sends Barry ribs first into the corner as Savage implies he’d date Christie Brinkley. He has good taste if nothing else.

Scott ties Barry in the Tree of Woe and chokes as Vince points out that the Steiners are being more aggressive than usual. More Clinton sex jokes follow and Rick busts out a belly to belly superplex. A middle rope Angle Slam plants Barry and it’s the FREAKING STEINER SCREWDRIVER (completely ignored by the announcers) to end Khoury.

Rating: D+. I could watch that Screwdriver all day as it’s one of the best looking finishers of all time. On top of that, I could go for more of these aggressive Steiner Brothers but unfortunately they were on their way out of the promotion due to wanting to work more in Japan. At least we get one more good squash before they leave in a month or so and that’s never a bad thing.

Duke Droese, the wrestling garbageman, is coming. Duke: “I don’t take trash from anyone. Well yeah I do.” And that’s all you need to know about Duke Droese.

It’s time for the King’s Court with guest Women’s Champion Alundra Blayze so Lawler gets in some ugly jokes before she comes out. There’s no title belt to start but Blayze does have a gift for Lawler: a Burger King crown labeled Lawler is a Loser. Hard hitting indeed. Blayze makes jokes about last week’s fall, which is getting more mileage than Wrestlemania at this point.

We hear about this being a ripoff of Piper’s Pit (well duh) and Blayze thinks Piper should be getting royalties. Lawler goes into a rant about Piper wearing a dress and manages to spit on Blayze. He gets to the point of asking about the belt, which Blayze turns into a question about Lawler wearing women’s clothes.

Lawler brings out Luna Vachon, with Lawler suggesting that Luna stole the title. If she did, Blayze didn’t seem too mad about it until Vachon came out here. Luna says she didn’t steal the title but if she was champion, she would keep her belt with her. Blayze accuses Luna of stealing the title so she can feel like a champion and challenges her to a fight. Of course she leaves before Luna can do anything, making this a rather awkward segment.

Blayze was REALLY bad on the mic here but it’s fairly clear that she didn’t get to talk very much. It would take her a long time to get better on that and while she was never great, she would be passable and that’s about all you need to be, especially when women’s wrestling wasn’t a big deal during her era.

Earthquake vs. Mike Bell

Vince AGAIN pushes the house show tour, including speculation of Earthquake vs. Yokozuna. Earthquake sends him outside to start and Bell actually gets in some right hands on the way back in. A dropkick (topsy turvy according to Savage) puts Bell down though and it’s time for the squashilization to begin. Earthquake gets in a second dropkick and grabs a belly to belly as I think you get the idea from here. The big leg sets up the Earthquake for the easy pin.

Rating: D. I always forget that Earthquake was a moderately big deal in 1994 and how odd it always seems. That’s quite odd as he was a Tag Team Champion as late as fall 1992 so this is hardly the biggest stretch in the world. If nothing else though, I get why he left to be a main event jobber in WCW instead of losing to Yokozuna over and over.

We look at IRS attacking Tatanka and Chief Jay Strongbow over Tatanka’s headdress. You have to pay those gift taxes you see.

IRS vs. Major Yates

Yates, who unfortunately isn’t a military guy, gets sent into the buckle to start as the IRWIN chants get going. We hit an early abdominal stretch, followed by a seated half nelson of all things. A sunset flip gives Yates two (Savage: “MAJOR YATES IS COOL!”) but the Penalty (STF) puts him away with no effort.

Rating: D-. For the love of all things good and holy END THIS SHOW ALREADY! If nothing else let me have some shorter squashes so I don’t have to come up with something to talk about every single time. These things are somehow getting worse and that makes for a very long set of matches.

Johnny Polo is NOT worried about fighting the Headshrinkers and he’s not heading to Toronto to beg Jack Tunney to not make the match.

Lawler promises Nikolai Volkoff as his guest next week. That’s your draw here people.

Overall Rating: F. Thank goodness it’s over. This was one of the worst episodes the show has ever done as it was just so BORING. The squashes were all longer than they needed to be and Bret was clearly not all that interested in doing anything of note. Terrible show here and I’ll take anything else at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 11, 1994
Location: Memorial Auditorium, Utica, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage

The big idea tonight is the fan vote for a shot at the Tag Team Titles. In other words, it was a way to get the fans to pay money for the sake of picking a match, even if it wasn’t the hardest decision in the world. Translation: a good idea that I’m surprised they only did a handful of times. Let’s get to it.

The Bushwhackers, Men on a Mission and the Smoking Gunns want you to vote for them.

Opening sequence.

The announcers welcome us to the show and thankfully that awful green screen is gone.

Diesel vs. Virgil

Diesel wastes no time in hammering the bald one down and starts in on his back. A side slam sets up a bearhug, which Vince thinks might be a submission maneuver. Virgil fights out but gets caught in the same hold (which may be of the submission variety) again. Diesel sends him into the corner and grabs the third version of the alleged submission hold (as opposed to a countout hold). That edition is broken up fairly quickly though and Virgil gets two off a dropkick. Diesel kicks him in the chest though and the Jackknife is good for the pin.

Rating: D-. This match wasn’t even six minutes long and we had the same submission hold (yes submission Vince) three times. If nothing else though, it makes sense to have Diesel beat a somewhat bigger name (work with me here) in Virgil, as beating up the nameless jobbers is only going to get him so far, which it’s already done.

Vince pimps the number to pick the challengers again.

It’s time for the King’s Court with the jobbers dropping the throne near the ring. Lawler freaks out as only he can, including yelling at one of them who is none other than D’Lo Brown. After a break, Lawler’s crown is shoved down on his head for an even more ridiculous look than usual.

Lawler’s guest is Lex Luger, who mocks the style of the show. When Lawler glares at him, Luger sits down on the throne to make Lawler even angrier. Lawler finally gets to the point and brings up Mr. Perfect allegedly costing Luger the match. We see the clip and again, Perfect has a point: Luger shoved him and that should be a DQ.

Luger says that was clearly personal and if Perfect had a problem with him, he should have been a man and settled it man to man instead of waiting until the most important night of Luger’s career. He’d love it if Perfect grew some guts and got in the ring with him like a man. Keep wishing Lex.

Thurman Sparky Plugg vs. Barry Horowitz

Barry grabs a wristlock and pats himself on the back as Savage talks about wanting to have eggs over easy in the morning. That leads to a discussion of wanting Undertaker to go to a mall in Worcester, Massachusetts to beat up a guy who punched a guy in a Barney the Dinosaur costume. As the boring match continues, Mr. Perfect calls in and Savage says he’s a coward. Perfect and Savage argue as Holly finishes with a top rope knee drop.

Rating: D. There was so much else going on with this match that I had almost no idea what I was supposed to be paying attention to. That being said, the fact that one of the wrestlers was named Thurman Plugg tells you almost everything you need to know about it. The commentary was more interesting and it’s not like the match meant anything in the first place.

The Quebecers want to know who they’re facing. Patience champs.

Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Men on a Mission

Men on a Mission is challenging. The champs try to get in a cheap shot to start but Jacques knocks Johnny Polo to the floor and gets sent outside as we as we take an early break. Back with Pierre in trouble as Mabel drops the huge leg to the back of the head. Jacques comes in and kicks away at the monster’s leg for some success, only to have Pierre walk into a Boss Man Slam. Moral: don’t let Pierre wrestle as he’s not very good.

Mo comes in and is somehow even worse, allowing Pierre to beat him down. Back from a break with Pierre suplexing Jacques onto Mo for two. Mo avoids a charge in the corner but still can’t get over for a tag. Instead it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down and there’s the hot tag to Mabel.

The fat man gets dropped again but manages to run over Jacques. The champs do the switch behind the referee’s back but Mabel crushes Pierre anyway. A splash in the corner gives Mo two, only to have him go flying over the ropes in a crash because, again, he’s not very talented. Everything breaks down and Mabel slams Polo, leaving Mo to eat the Cannonball to retain the titles.

Rating: F+. Sweet goodness this was bad. The tag division was such a mess at this point and they decided to have Men on a Mission in there instead of rigging the poll for the sake of having the Gunns in there? Terrible match here with the far too long running time dragging the thing even lower.

The Bushwhackers, Doink and Dink were at the White House Easter Egg Roll.

IRS wants Tatanka to pay his taxes.

Overall Rating: D-. That tag match just killed the show, which wasn’t exactly any good in the first place. This show is dying for some better star power and some better wrestlers, which should be aided when Bret Hart is back next week. When the highlight of the show is Lawler falling and a D’Lo Brown cameo, the show is in real trouble and I think a lot of people knew it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 4, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

I still can’t get away from this year. This is just over two weeks after Wrestlemania X so Bret Hart is reigning on high as the WWF World Champion. There isn’t much else going on at the moment as we’re still firmly in the fallout stage, meaning things aren’t going to pick up again for a good while. Let’s get to it.

Adam Bomb and Earthquake got in an argument backstage and a match was set up for later. That would be a Wrestlemania rematch in case you needed the extra spice.

Opening sequence.

The announcers, in front of a horrible green screen, welcome us to the show and talk baseball.

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

Bomb jumps him at the bell (I guess he has a short fuse) but gets clotheslined outside for his efforts. Back in and the shoulders have no effect on Earthquake so let’s head outside for another breather. Vince: “Maybe he can find some direction from North Korea.” Bomb comes back in with a slingshot clothesline for two as Howard Finkel and Harvey Wippleman get into it on the floor. As Vince plugs house shows, Bomb charges into a boot and gets suplexed down. The Earthquake ends Bomb without too much effort.

Rating: D. This was far longer than their Wrestlemania match (which only lasted about thirty seconds) and I’m not sure I get the point in having Earthquake win here, unless they were setting him up to be fed to Yokozuna or something. Anyway, not a great match here by any stretch but given who was in there, this could have been worse. Not much more standard, but worse.

We look back at Mr. Perfect costing Lex Luger the WWF World Title at Wrestlemania.

Luger blames Perfect because he wants revenge.

Here’s Perfect for an explanation. An explanation of him being shoved and disqualifying Luger as a result? Monsoon rants about what Perfect did and wants to know what was going on. Perfect says he has nothing against Luger or Yokozuna but Luger pulled both Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji into the ring. That was ok though and Perfect let them go.

Then Luger turned Perfect around but that was allowed too because it was a championship match. But then Luger turned him around again and pushed him and that was too far. If the people have a problem with that, they’re the ones with the problem. Monsoon threatens him with some Luger violence to wrap things up.

Razor Ramon tells us to keep watching.

Razor Ramon vs. Austin Steele

Non-title. Steele looks like Buddy Landel. Razor throws him down and grabs a modified STF so he can slap Steele in the back of the head. We hit a long abdominal stretch before a chokeslam and a hard Razor’s Edge put Steele away.

Rating: D+. Razor’s offense looked crisp as usual and Steele looked good bouncing around on the mat. Most of the match was spent hyping up Ramon vs. Diesel on the upcoming house show tour and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like they had anything else to talk about at this point.

We look back at last week’s show with Johnny Polo and the Quebecers issuing an open challenge so Captain Lou Albano brought out the freshly face turned Headshrinkers.

Polo and the Quebecers aren’t sure who they’re facing next week (it could be the Smoking Gunns, the Bushwhackers or Men on a Mission) but they’ll fight anyone.

Tatanka/Thurman Sparky Plugg/1-2-3 Kid/Smoking Gunns vs. Headshrinkers/Jeff Jarrett/IRS/Rick Martel

This was originally scheduled for Wrestlemania but the heels couldn’t pick a captain (read as Shawn vs. Razor went REALLY long) and it was cut. Billy and Samu start things off with Gunn backsliding him for two, earning himself one heck of a clothesline to turn him inside out. The beating continues until Tatanka gets in a shot, allowing for the hot tag off to Bart (work with me here).

Jeff sends him into the buckle though and the villains take over again. IRS hammers away and we take a break. Back with Plugg working on Martel’s arm and getting two off a crossbody. The announcers talk about IRS wanting Tatanka to pay a gift tax on his new headdress (I’ve heard worse actually) as the armbarring continues.

It’s off to IRS vs. the Kid with a kick to the head almost knocking IRS’ tie off. Everything breaks down (as you might have expected) but IRS avoids a charge in the corner (which looked like a Bronco Buster to someone standing up, which basically means it was designed to miss) and pins the Kid without too much effort.

Rating: C. Longer than it needed to be here but it’s nice to have something that actually feels important for a change. If nothing else it’s nice to get whatever we missed from Wrestlemania, which actually bothered me back in the day. Even back then I didn’t buy the argument and thought it was just the show running long.

Pick the Quebecers’ opponents and give us your money!

It’s time for the debut of the Heartbreak Hotel with Shawn listing off the rules, including don’t take the towels and ashtrays. Now to the point: Diesel wants the Intercontinental Title. That’s about it and remember: at the Heartbreak Hotel, you can check out anytime you like but you can never leave. I can always go for some Eagles and it makes up for the lame segment, at least to a certain extent.

Video on Wrestlemania X.

Yokozuna vs. Scott Powers

Forearms to the back and the big legdrop set up the Banzai Drop for the quick squash. The only matter of note is Yokozuna checking the ropes because he’s scared after falling at Wrestlemania.

One more hotline plug ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. A totally ho hum episode here with the only moderately interesting thing being the ten man tag. Shawn and the Heartbreak Hotel is hardly noteworthy, especially when it was clear that Shawn didn’t have the thing down yet. We’re firmly in the Wrestlemania fallout period here and that doesn’t mean the most interesting time in the world.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 10, 2003
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially in the Evolution Era and less than two weeks away from No Way Out, meaning Scott Steiner vs. HHH II. Why we’re doing that is anyone’s guess but I would assume a lot of liquor was involved. There isn’t much else set on the Raw side but we’ll likely remedy that tonight. Let’s get to it.

In Memory of Curt Hennig. That’s an especially sad one.

We get a long recap of the Bischoff Needs to Fix Raw angle, which seems to be culminating tonight because WWE can’t count to thirty.

Here’s a nervous looking Bischoff to open things up. Eric hasn’t heard from Steve Austin about No Way Out and that means he might be in trouble. Vince McMahon is on his way here tonight and there’s a good chance that he’s going to get fired. Eric starts sucking up to the fans and then demands their support. The old villains never learn.

Until Vince gets here, Eric is going to do whatever he wants to do and he’s going to start with the commentary team. Jim Ross seems to have almost guaranteed that Austin will be back but now it’s not happening. Eric thinks JR could do more and blames him for Austin not signing. JR suggests that Austin just hates Eric for firing him from WCW (there’s a reference that not many people will get) so Eric fires him.

During the break, a limo arrived with Eric waiting outside, only to find Evolution instead of Vince.

Since Lawler is on his own, he plugs his book in something that fits Lawler so perfectly.

Christian vs. Test

Test takes him down and rams his head into the mat a few times as Lawler tries to figure out how to do JR’s job. Christian snaps Test’s neck across the ropes as Jonathan Coachman comes out to join commentary. The pumphandle slam is countered into a reverse DDT for two on Test as Lawler is instantly better with someone to talk to. Test misses the big boot but hits the full nelson slam for the pin.

Rating: D. The story is helping Test a bit but that doesn’t make his matches any better. At least it’s not the same unfunny Testicles jokes over and over again, which were much more stupid than anything else. I can’t imagine they’ll put Test over Jericho in the eventual blowoff match but at least he’s getting a win here.

Christian takes Test out post match but Jeff Hardy of all people comes in to save Stacy.

JR tries to get in touch with Austin.

We recap Booker T. and Goldust splitting last week in a rushed yet emotional moment. Then Evolution electrocuted Goldust later in the night because reasons. On a well run show, this would lead to Booker/Goldust vs. Evolution but they don’t seem smart enough to pull that off at the moment.

Booker T. vs. D’Lo Brown

Yeah they’re not that smart. Booker dedicates this to Goldust but Brown and Teddy Long cut him off. Teddy says Goldust is another white man holding the man down and suggests a team with D’Lo. Booker opts to chop and punch away in the corner instead until Brown leg lariats him down. The side kick (clearly not making contact) sets up the ax kick to give Booker the easy win.

Jericho asks for a match with Jeff Hardy.

Jazz vs. Molly Holly

Molly goes right after her and has as much luck as you would expect with Jazz easily taking her down into a cross between the Muta Lock and Cattle Mutilation. Rolling butterfly suplexes get two on Molly as Lawler tries to figure out JR’s job status. A half crab cuts off Molly’s comeback and the STF puts her away without too much effort.

Rating: C. I’m not a big Jazz fan but she beat the heck out of Molly here and made it look awesome. Sometimes you need someone tough and awesome who can beat the heck out of various opponents. The problem is the division isn’t exactly deep right now and Jazz is probably already the #1 contender after winning one match. Not that she’s not undeserving of it but I could go with dedicating more time to set things up.

Jazz gives her the double chickenwing faceplant and the STF.

Steve calls JR. Fink comes up and asks what’s going on but that was Steve from Oklahoma, not Austin.

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. 3 Minute Warning

Van Dam starts with Jamal and is quickly shoved off the top and onto the barricade in a big crash. Rosey gets in some clubbing forearms but heel miscommunication allows the hot tag to Kane. House is quickly cleaned and Rolling Thunder gets two on Rosey. A chokeslam into the Five Star puts Jamal away.

Rating: D. Just a step above a squash here as 3 Minute Warning somehow gets even less interesting and valuable every single week. I really don’t know why they’re even still on Raw other than filling in time. Kane and Van Dam are working as the oddball team and it gives them something to do, which in a way is a lot more important than having good matches.

Vince arrives and wants to know why JR is in the parking lot.

Here’s Vince in the ring for the big speech of the week. He wastes no time in calling down Bischoff and Chief Morely. Coach: “It’s been a long thirty days.” Actually it’s been a short 21 days. Starting with Morely, he hasn’t met any of the goals that Vince has set for him. He’s not getting fired immediately though, because he has a chance to keep his job. All he has to do is win a match against all three Dudley Boyz.

Morely goes to get ready so Vince asks if Bischoff has signed Austin, which apparently became the saving grace move off camera. Vince says Eric would have saved his job if he had signed Austin but Bischoff pleads his case. By that he means bringing out lesbians for HLA. But wait, because these aren’t just regular lesbians but rather bisexual lesbians. Since that’s one heck of an oxymoron, Vince fires him anyway. Vince even leads the Goodbye Song on the way out and throws in the maniacal strut.

William Regal and Lance Storm suck up to Vince after a break and he announces a new GM being hired tonight.

Chief Morely vs. Dudley Boyz

The trio wastes no time in starting the beating with a double flapjack and overhand chops in the corner. There’s a Samoan drop before the trio just stomps him down in the middle. A whip sends Morely into the steps and they bounce off his head for good measure. The Dudley Dog and 3D finally end the massacre.

Rating: D. It’s pretty unfair to rate this but obviously this was more about the angle than the “match”. This is all it needed to be though as the Dudleyz have been screwed over by Morely and Bischoff for weeks now and it’s time for them to get something back. They kept it quick though and this accomplished its goal. Morely deserves some credit here too as he sold everything really well.

Morely goes through a table for good measure.

Bischoff offers JR a handshake but he tells Eric to go clean out his desk.

Batista vs. Tommy Dreamer

Batista Bomb and we’re done in 22 seconds.

Booker T. comes in for the post match save but Scott Steiner makes the real save.

Jeff Hardy nods at Shawn Michaels but says nothing.

Stacy has a new idea for Test: some personal appearances with GGW. Yes, that would be Girls Gone Wild.

Bischoff is packing up his office (as he does every week) but the Dudleyz come in to sing the Goodbye Song again.

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff’s headlock doesn’t get him anywhere so Jericho forearms him in the face to take over. Hardy gets tossed over the top but Jericho misses a dive for a crash on the floor. Jeff sends him into the steps but gets crotched on the way back inside. A backbreaker keeps Jeff in trouble and Jericho bends the back over his knee to make things even worse.

Jeff’s comeback is cut off by a clothesline and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back as the crowd is really not interested so far. Back up and Jericho goes shoulder first into the post, though his leg is fine enough for an enziguri to take over again. The Walls go on but are quickly broken with Jeff taking him down in a hurry. The Swanton gets two with Jericho getting his foot on the ropes. Jericho has had enough now and grabs the Walls for the tap, which Jeff has to do three different times before the referee stops the match.

Rating: C. Jeff is on another planet at this point and it’s becoming clear that he’s not getting much better anytime soon. I have no idea what happened with the heel turn from last week but he’s about as much of a face as you can be this time around. Jericho was doing what he could here but that was only going to get him so far.

Evolution is on the way to the strip to celebrate but Vince cuts them off, saying the new GM is about to be announced. Next week, it’s going to HHH/Batista vs. Booker T./Scott Steiner.

Here’s Vince to announce the new GM. Jim Ross comes out but Vince says it’s not him. Bischoff comes out behind JR, who says Austin WILL BE at No Way Out. That means JR is reinstated…..and so is Bischoff, assuming he’s will to join Vince’s signature Club (complete with Vince making it do tricks). Eric says no way so Vince puts him in a match with Austin at No Way Out to end the show. Somehow everything from the announcement of the club to the end of the show took nearly eight minutes.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t all that great but even worse than that is the whole Bischoff junk. Ignoring the fact that they apparently can’t count to thirty, there’s the fact that this story has been little more than “Sorry fans, but your rattlesnake is on another show.” Raw has become a mess as of late, though at least this week didn’t focus on Steiner, who has been shifted to more of a glorified afterthought role. That’s better for everyone, though it still doesn’t make for a good show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 10, 2017
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves

It’s the night after Great Balls of Fire and unless something major has changed, our top face is now an attempted murderer. Last night Roman Reigns lost the ambulance match to Braun Strowman and then attempted to kill him by putting him in the back of the ambulance and ramming it into a semi truck. You know, for kids. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Reigns nearly killing Strowman, not for a lack of trying that is.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Big Cass, with JoJo introducing him as “Seven feet tall and you can’t teach that”. Cass: “How you doin?” He’s doing pretty well because he destroyed Enzo last night. We see some still shots and a video of after the match when Enzo had to be very slowly helped through the back. Cass warns everyone up and down the totem pole that he’s coming for them, even the one all the way at the top.

No one can get on the bandwagon now because he never needed anyone here. One day, he’s going to be Universal Champion and shove it down everyone’s throat when he’s main eventing Wrestlemania and appearing on the Tonight Show. No one can touch him because he’s seven feet tall and here’s Big Show to interrupt. Show easily chases him off because we need to have Cass pass the Big Show initiation or whatever they think the upside of this is.

Here’s Elias Samson with a song for Finn Balor, which Balor cuts off in short order.

Finn Balor vs. Elias Samson

Samson slams him down a few times so Finn kicks him in the head and loads up the Coup de Grace while the announcers talk about Samson beating up a guy on the way to an Eric Clapton concert. Back from a break with Samson grabbing a seated full nelson until Balor fights up and kicks him in the head again. Finn’s next kick is countered and Balor goes shoulder first into the apron. A Fujiwara armbar doesn’t get Samson far as Balor kicks him in the head and hits the Sling Blade. The Coup De Grace is enough to put Samson away at 10:10.

Rating: D+. Just a match here and Balor going over clean is the right call. Having Samson beat Ambrose twice via interference was one thing but Balor isn’t someone you want getting pinned at this point. Samson is much more of a character than a wrestler and there’s nothing wrong with that, at least not for someone like him.

The Hardys come out to celebrate and have something to say after a break. Jeff has been talking about how the team has been having some issues of late so maybe they should fade away and classify themselves as obsolete. They’re not going anywhere though because they have magic left to work. Cue Anderson and Gallows to say they’re magic killers. Matt says they’re a little bruised and broken (pause for the pop) but we can get a referee down here right now.

Hardys vs. Anderson and Gallows

Anderson gets double suplexed to start and there’s Poetry in Motion to Gallows as we take a break. Back with Jeff eating the Boot of Doom for two but making the tag off to Matt anyway. Gallows gets in a cheap shot from the apron though and it’s the Magic Killer for the pin at 6:55.

Rating: C-. Unless I’m missing something, that’s the first regular loss for the Hardys in over two years. This would seem to be setting up the Bullet Club vs. the Broken Hardys, or at least that’s where it would be going in a more interesting world. Then again, odds are we’re getting this match again and again because that’s how WWE works.

Post match here comes the Revival to lay out the Hardys.

It’s time for MizTV with the Mizzy Awards for last night’s Intercontinental Title match. First up is Best Supporting Actor, which goes to both Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel in a tie. After they thank Miz for changing their lives, Maryse wins Most Gorgeous, Beautiful, Sexy Leading Lady. Maryse is honored and that leaves us with Greatest Man in WWE. Miz opens the envelope and is shocked to say Dean Ambrose…..but he’s just kidding because of course Miz wins.

Miz saw a lot of people running their mouths last night but Seth Rollins, the Hardys and Akira Tozawa were all just full of hot air. Last night he beat the toughest man in WWE so what does that make him? Cue Ambrose to go after Miz but it’s Rollins coming in for the real save. Hopefully this sets up Miz vs. Rollins because I don’t think I can handle Ambrose vs. Miz again.

Post break Ambrose tells Rollins that he doesn’t trust him and there’s no reunion.

Sasha Banks/Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax

Bliss and Banks get things going with Alexa running away to start. Nia comes in and runs Banks over as everything breaks down. Nia and Alexa are sent outside and we take a break. Back with Bliss getting choked in the corner, followed by Bayley getting two off a kind of bulldog.

Nia gets her leg dropkicked out and Bayley snaps her throat across the middle rope. A Bliss distraction lets Nia run Bayley over and things slow down a bit. The slow beating begins with Nia sending her into the corner and getting in a splash for good measure. Twisted Bliss gets two on Bayley and Sasha avoids the charge into the barricade. Bayley rolls Bliss up for the pin out of nowhere at 9:22.

Rating: D+. The ending was rather sudden and I’m hoping they’re not expecting that to be enough to revive Bayley. She looked like the biggest loser in the world in recent weeks and a simple rollup isn’t enough to fix that. Odds are we’re heading for a multi-woman match at Summerslam and I think I’m ok with that for the most part.

We look back at the ambulance match and Strowman walking out after.

Goldust vs. R-Truth

Goldust leans over the referee to get in a cheap shot and they slug it out early on. Truth takes over with right hands in the corner but gets crotched on the ropes for his efforts. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by a spinebuster for two on Truth. The scissors kick connects but Truth is too spent to cover. Goldust sends him into the post and the Final Cut is good for the pin at 5:40.

Rating: D. Not the best match in the world but they were smart to do this on Raw instead of the pay per view. No matter how you look at it, they’re both older and not the best in the ring but that doesn’t mean their angle should be forgotten. There will likely be a rematch and that should wrap things up.

Here’s Kurt Angle to introduce Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for a chat. Angle congratulates Lesnar for his win last night and says Brock surprised him. Heyman gives a quick victory speech but here’s Roman Reigns to interrupt. Roman says the three of them were all in the Attitude Era (No Roman, they weren’t.) but Angle never learned how to handle Strowman and Lesnar is never around to do it.

Reigns thinks Angle owes him one and that should be Lesnar at Summerslam. Lesnar laughs this off because Reigns hasn’t earned it. Cue Samoa Joe to say Lesnar escaped him last night instead of beating him. Joe throws in that Reigns has never beaten him and wants another piece of Lesnar. They go nose to nose but Joe stops to say Roman lost last night. Reigns: “Look at me, then look at Braun if you can find him.” Angle makes Joe vs. Reigns for the title shot at Summerslam for next week.

I’m going to assume that Strowman interferes in that match because otherwise, WWE is actually going with the idea that wins and losses mean nothing. Joe pointing out the loss made sense and Lesnar saying Reigns hasn’t earned the shot makes sense, but then they just give him a #1 contenders match anyway. That makes very little sense but you have to expect that since it’s WWE. Hopefully they come up with something, though I can’t say I’d be complaining if they didn’t just have Lesnar vs. Reigns already.

Angle and Graves are in the back with Kurt saying they got the same text. Kurt is going to go public with whatever it is next week but knows it might be the end for him. He’s even worried that his family might walk out on him. Graves says it’s not a big deal but Angle doesn’t seem convinced.

Akira Tozawa/Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar/Neville

Cedric knocks Dar outside to start and right into the waiting arms of Alicia Fox. Back inside and Swann gets caught in the numbers game and some double stomping takes us to a break. We come back with Tozawa in trouble until Alexander gets the hot tag to come in with the springboard clothesline. Neville crotches him on top though, only to get crotched as well. Cedric dives onto Dar and Tozawa kicks the ropes to make it even worse for Neville. The top rope backsplash gives Tozawa the pin at 9:34.

Rating: C. This was angle advancement to set up Neville vs. Tozawa II as well as the already announced I Quit match between Alexander and Dar to FINALLY end their feud. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere but they did what they could do to set up both matches, which isn’t the worst thing in the world.

We look back at MizTV.

Rollins isn’t worried about Miz because he’s focused on Bray Wyatt.

Bray says Seth can’t escape his past or erase his sins. How dare Rollins take his eye off Bray. Wyatt is here tonight.

Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt

Rematch from last night with Wyatt starting the mind games early. Seth hammers away but gets thrown into the corner for some forearms. Bray charges into a superkick for two and Seth takes him outside to start in on the hand. Makes sense after the eye poke last night. The hand gets rammed into various objects ranging from the barricade to the steps, only to have Bray counter a springboard into a release Rock Bottom.

Back from a break with Seth fighting out of a chinlock and getting in a dropkick. Bray grabs a DDT though and it’s right back to the chinlock. Wyatt can’t get in a suplex though and Rollins scores with an enziguri for a breather. The Sling Blade drops Bray again and there’s the springboard clothesline for two more.

After a Blockbuster and Falcon Arrow give Seth two more near falls, Seth has to slip out of Sister Abigail. You don’t see this much offense from a face a lot of the time and it’s kind of cool to see for a change. Bray headbutts him in the bad eye though and Sister Abigail is good for the pin on Rollins at 17:04.

Rating: C+. The hand stuff didn’t go anywhere but it was cool to see Wyatt get a second win in two nights, especially over a major name. In theory this should send Seth on to a feud with Miz, because losing back to back matches is grounds for a title feud (Right Roman?) and that’s going to be better for most people.

Post match Bray disappears and it’s the Miztourage coming through the crowd for the beatdown. Ambrose makes the save with a chair and beats the fire out of Miz.

Angle is on the phone with someone who he wants here next week to reveal something. He says he loves them to end the show. There was no update on Strowman, which was promised all night.

Overall Rating: C. This show was hard to grade as the wrestling wasn’t anything special though I don’t think it was supposed to be. Tonight was about setting up the board for Summerslam and that’s a good idea with over a month to go before the pay per view. I’m genuinely curious about the Angle story but it seems that all roads lead to Stephanie coming back to show him how business really works. Not a great show but it did some good things to set up stories for later, which is more important than wrestling on any given night.

Results

Finn Balor b. Elias Samson – Coup de Grace

Anderson and Gallows b. Hardys – Magic Killer to Matt

Bayley/Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax/Alexa Bliss – Rollup to Bliss

Goldust b. R-Truth – Final Cut

Akira Tozawa/Cedric Alexander b. Noam Dar/Neville – Top rope backsplash to Neville

Bray Wyatt b. Seth Rollins – Sister Abigail

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: February 3, 2003
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s always cool to have a show from my birthday. We’re coming up on No Way Out and that means HHH needs a challenger for the World Title. That will be set up tonight as Scott Steiner faces Chris Jericho in a #1 contenders match. Given that Steiner won at the Royal Rumble and JR immediately talked about there being NO WAY OUT, this shouldn’t be too complicated. Let’s get to it.

Eric Bischoff is in his limo in San Antonio to sign Steve Austin. Chief Morley is in charge tonight but they can’t hear each other. I have no idea if this was supposed to be funny but egads we’re in trouble if that’s what passes for comedy. This was aired properly on the Network version but the Spanish audio bled over and drowned Bischoff out in the original broadcast.

Opening sequence.

Here are Stacy Keibler and Test, the former of whom is back from nearly being hit in the head by a chair. She says being hit was just an accident but she needs to be more careful. An apology from Chris Jericho would have made things better but Test wants Jericho out here right now.

This brings out Jericho to say he has more important things to worry about tonight. Test, showing the best acting skills of his career, says Jericho has five seconds to apologize or he’s coming up the ramp. The time passes but Christian comes in from behind to shove Test into Stacy. Test gets back up and beats the heck out of Christian before tending to Stacy.

Rob Van Dam and Kane nearly get into an argument over Kane leaving Van Dam last week. Kane goes into a rant about how Van Dam doesn’t know what it’s like to be him. Van Dam: “So all your power is in your mask?” Morley comes in and makes a match between the two of them for later.

Test and Stacy leave.

Dudley Boyz vs. 3 Minute Warning

Hang on as Morley makes Rico guest referee. The Samoan Bucks hit double superkicks to start but Rosey misses a split legged moonsault. The Doomsday Device drops Jamal for the slow two so they loads up 3D on Rosey. Not that it matters as Jamal grabs a rollup for the fastest count in recorded history and the pin.

With Spike’s help, Rico gets put through a table.

Bischoff is trying to find Austin but doesn’t have his address. He does however have a dumb limo driver who says he’ll get Bischoff to Austin’s house if he has the right address.

Back from a break with a countdown clock to Bischoff getting fired as they’ve entirely given up on the 30 days thing. They would have known that 30 days were up on a Wednesday so why not just say four weeks? Is a calendar too complicated of an idea?

Tommy Dreamer comes out for a match but HHH and company come out to destroy him instead. HHH says everything evolves and calls this group the greatest example of evolution in wrestling history. He brags about how awesome the whole team is and declares himself the one true diamond in the business. After introducing Batista, he describes Orton as the diamond. He really can’t go three minutes without using the same terms to describe someone? They hammer in the evolution name again and wrap things up. Evolution is a good enough name and “Evolution has just passed you by” was a pretty solid catchphrase.

Steiner is ready to deal with Evolution the only way he knows how. Riddling them with math problems?

Evolution is in a private box.

Bischoff goes to a house and finds….someone named Buford, who tells him that Austin is at a bar in nearby Bandera. Somehow this takes three minutes.

Victoria vs. Molly Holly

Non-title. Victoria goes for a full nelson to start but gets shouldered down without too much effort. The spinning side slam gives Victoria two but Molly slips out of the Widow’s Peak. Molly can’t hit the handspring elbow so the second attempt at the Widow’s Peak puts her away in a hurry. Not bad while it lasted actually.

Post match Jazz comes in to take Molly out. Victoria gets in Jazz’s face and Richards is shoved away but nothing happens.

Goldust tells Booker that if they don’t win the Tag Team Titles back tonight, Booker needs to go his own way because the team is holding them back. Booker is all fired up to win the titles.

Tag Team Titles: Booker T./Goldust vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Goldust and Storm get things going and the drop down into the right hand puts Lance down. Booker comes in to stay on the arm as the announcers talk about the bar Bischoff is heading for. It’s off to Regal who eats a forearm and kick to the face for two, followed by Goldust armdragging Storm down again.

Regal forearms Goldust in the back though and the evil champions take over. We hit the cravate to slow down an already slow match but Goldust fights up and cleans house on his own. The powerslam gets two as everything breaks down. Storm shoves Goldust into Booker though and a leg lariat gives Storm the clean pin to retain.

Rating: D. Goldust and Booker might be an entertaining team but they’ve gone ice cold in recent weeks. It doesn’t help when Goldust is losing in less than six minutes to a standard leg lariat. It’s clear that the team is done at this point, save for a long form story to build them back up. The match wasn’t very good but at least Booker doesn’t lose any face at the end of the match.

Booker tells Goldust he has nothing to feel sorry about and agrees to go their separate ways. They hug and raise hands, despite the team really not needing to split up so soon.

Bischoff goes into the bar and gets laughed out of the room for ordering a martini. Naturally Austin has come and gone already, heading for another bar down the street. Given that, as of 2010, Bandera had a population of 827, I can’t imagine that’s a very long street so this shouldn’t take the 15-20 minutes that it’s likely going to take. I also can’t imagine why a place with a smaller population than my neighborhood needs at least two bars.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

Kane clotheslines him during the finger poke for two and it’s an early standoff. A spinning kick drops Kane but it’s way too early for Rolling Thunder. Instead it’s a no hands dive over the top to put them both down on the floor. Back in and Kane grabs a side slam for two but the chokeslam is broken up by a kick to the head. Now is the right time for Rolling Thunder with Kane sitting up and kicking Rob in the face. The top rope clothesline knocks Van Dam silly but it’s just goldbricking so he can fire off more kicks. Not that they matter as here’s Jeff Hardy to go after Rob for the DQ.

Rating: D+. They didn’t have time to go anywhere (a common theme tonight) and the ending was awful. Kane vs. Van Dam could be a good match/feud if they’re given more than four minutes and something more of a story. They seemed to have some chemistry out there for a little while but Jeff coming in was a really lame idea.

Jeff gets demolished with the usual.

Booker can’t find Goldust. Did Booker stop off for a taco and fish plate when they both left the arena earlier?

Post break, Jeff is still out in the ring when Shawn Michaels joins him. Since Chris Jericho already has something going on, Shawn is going to give Jeff some free advice. Jeff is frustrated and angry at the world. Shawn has been there before, like fifteen years ago (it was just over eleven) when he put Marty Jannetty through the barbershop window. Hardy is at the point where he needs to make a decision.

Shawn wants to know who Jeff Hardy is. Jeff needs to find out in a hurry, which doesn’t seem to please him. Hardy promises to start taking people out, starting with Shawn. One Sweet Chin Music later and Jeff is out again. I have no idea how this is supposed to help Jeff and I don’t think WWE does either.

Sean O’Haire doesn’t think you should pay taxes.

Maven vs. D’Lo Brown

Feeling out process to start with Brown getting headlocked to the mat. Brown fights up for a bit but gets sent hard into the corner, allowing Maven to come back with the kind of offense you would expect from someone of his ability level. When your high spots are a dropkick and a backslide, you might not be ready for Raw. D’Lo avoids a missile dropkick and finishes with the Sky High.

Rating: D-. If they think this is the way to elevate Brown, they’re better off with having Jeff Hardy take three finishers over two segments. The match was exactly what you would have expected here and that’s not a good sign, especially with how boring a lot of this show has been so far.

Long tries to get a DOWN WITH THE BROWN chant going and gets…..nothing, with JR pointing that out for us.

HHH sends Orton and Batista to deal with Steiner.

Bischoff goes into another bar, doesn’t find Austin, gets insulted by a redneck and hits said redneck with a beer glass. Eric gives up trying to find Austin, making this whole thing completely pointless.

Orton and Batista find Goldust (Why couldn’t Booker find him earlier?) and after making fun of him, beat him into the arena and toss him into electrical equipment. Goldust is electrocuted and we get the serious voices as he does a stretcher job.

Scott Steiner vs. Chris Jericho

Winner gets HHH at No Way Out. Jericho hides to start (probably his best idea) and gets one off an early rollup. They take turns hammering away in the corner with Steiner firing off the chops. A clothesline into the push-up elbow gets two but Chris grabs the referee to block an early belly to belly. They head outside with Steiner going into the steps (Steiner: “OW!”) and Jericho cranks on both arms back inside.

Something like a powerslam drops Jericho though and there’s the first belly to belly. A powerbomb gets two (with Steiner nearly dropping him) and Jericho rolls him up with his feet on the ropes for the same. The Walls don’t last long (well duh) so Jericho snaps him throat first across the top. Steiner catches him on the top though and a super Samoan drop sends Steiner to the pay per view.

Rating: D. The match could have been much worse had Steiner been on offense any more than he was. This was as much of Jericho doing his thing and trying to hold things together as he could and that was their best option. They were also smart to keep this especially short as Steiner has proven to be untrustworthy in longer matches as of late. That being said, WHY IN THE WORLD ARE WE SEEING HHH VS. STEINER AGAIN????? How could anyone watch that mess and then expect it to be anything good the second time around? I know I say this company makes no sense but egads this is a really bad idea.

Vince comes in to see Morely and says if he’s not impressed next week, Bischoff and Morely are fired.

Overall Rating: F. Between the horrible matches, the completely unnecessary splitting up of Goldust and Booker T., the wasting of any good feeling from the split for the sake of electrocuting Goldust and Hardy looking like a goof, I have no idea what positives happened on this show. The midcard is a disaster and we’re looking at more HHH vs. Steiner, leaving me with one heck of a headache as we officially move into the Evolution era.

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