Slammiversary 2016
Date: June 12, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

TNA is back on pay per view with their annual anniversary show featuring something close to a triple main event. First and foremost we have TNA World Champion Drew Galloway defending against Lashley in a submission/KO only match. Next, Mike Bennett is finally giving Ethan Carter III his rematch after Carter ran through a string of opponents to earn another shot at him. Finally there’s arguably the real main event as Matt Hardy faces Jeff Hardy in a Full Metal Mayhem match. Let’s get to it.

We open with the roster on the stage for a moment of silence for the victims in last night’s Orlando shooting.

The opening video is a pretty basic one with a quick clip on each match.

We hear Jeremy Borash hyping up Full Metal Mayhem, which I think was supposed to be just for the live crowd.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Andrew Everett vs. DJZ

Lee is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Before the bell, Shane Helms is banned from ringside. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start with DJZ chopping Trevor and Eddie fighting Everett on the other side. Everett is sent into the steps and the other three get inside for the opening bell. Lee gets double teamed until they all head to the floor, allowing Everett to get back inside for a big corkscrew plancha.

The Helms Dynasty (Everett and Lee) start double teaming Eddie with a drop toehold into a knee to the head, only to have DJZ to come back in with a double elbow to the jaw. DJZ holds the ropes open for an Edwards dive onto Everett, only to have Andrew run back inside for a running shooting star press and a near fall on DJZ. Lee isn’t happy with that and gets in an argument with his stablemate, leaving Eddie to chop both heels in the corner.

The champ gets two on Eddie off that spinning powerslam of his but Everett is right back up to eat a superkick from Edwards for two. Lee throws DJZ off the top for a big crash, leaving Everett to hit a springboard shooting star and a near fall on Eddie to leave everyone down. DJZ’s tornado DDT gets two on Everett but Lee blasts him with a jumping knee to the face. Back in and Eddie counters Trevor’s fisherman’s buster into a small package for the pin and the title at 10:11.

Rating: B. This was exactly what it needed to be with a bunch of big spots and a white hot pace throughout. Unfortunately that’s probably it for the title meaning anything until we get to Bound For Glory and the likely showdown between Helms and Edwards that I don’t think many people are really looking forward to seeing. This was nothing we haven’t seen before but it’s nice to have a regular match instead of Ultimate X for the sake of having Ultimate X.

Lashley is warming up.

The announcers run down the card.

Ethan Carter III says tonight he’s taking Mike Bennett to church where the people are going to be singing Trouble Trouble Trouble.

Clips of Sting being announced as the first member of the TNA Hall of Fame.

Tribunal vs. Grado/Mahabali Shera

Serious vs. fun with Al Snow as the Tribunal’s coach. Snow says his hero Donald Trump is going to make America great again and promises to make wrestling great again starting here tonight. The Tribunal jumps Shera to start and it’s Baraka choking him against the ropes. Baron chokes even more as the announcers talk about how none of these four have been on a Slammiversary yet. Considering two of them have only been hired for about a month, that’s not a huge surprise.

Baraka works on a chinlock but gets caught in a quick Sky High for a breather. Baron runs around the ring to pull Grado off the apron but Grado comes in anyway and starts cleaning house, including taking away Snow’s whistle. Shera springboards in to take out both French villains as everything breaks down. Shera and Dax go outside as Grado kicks Baraka in the chest for a delayed two as Snow had the referee. Back up and a quick backbreaker/middle rope elbow combination puts Grado away at 7:33.

Rating: D+. It was fine but should have been a nothing TV match instead of taking away a pay per view spot. The Tribunal really comes off as little more than a midcard heel act at their peak, despite both of them having a great look. Nothing match of course but was anyone expecting anything else?

Braxton Sutter comes up to James Storm for an introduction. They seem to get along and they go off for a chat.

We recap Maria Kanellis vs. Gail Kim despite Maria being out of the match with a broken hand. Basically it’s wrestling vs. entertainment as Maria is in charge of the Knockouts and wants to make them a bigger deal while Kim says she has no room to talk since she’s not a wrestler. Somehow this is supposed to make us want to cheer for Kim.

Gail Kim comes out for the match but Maria’s hand is in a cast. Allie says Maria deserves sympathy but Gail says Maria is a liar. Billy Corgan comes out to show us an X-Ray and the hand is indeed broken. Instead of just putting Allie in Maria’s place, Gail is being added to the Knockouts Title match right now.

Knockouts Title: Sienna vs. Gail Kim vs. Jade

Jade is defending. Sienna gets double teamed to start but she comes right back by choking Jade in the corner. Gail is tied up in the Tree of Woe and Sienna uses her break to crank on Jade’s neck. Everyone gets back up and Sienna fireman’s carries both of them at the same time for a big drop as everyone heads outside.

All three get knocked down but slide back in at the same time to start chopping it out. Sienna backdrops Gail to the floor and Jade springboards into a tornado DDT for two. Gail is back in with a hurricanrana on the champ and Sienna adds an AK-47. Eat Defeat drops Sienna but Allie pulls her out at two. Sienna gets the title as Marti Bell comes in to hit Jade with something to give Sienna the title at 7:40.

Rating: C-. Unnecessary ending aside, it’s nice to get the title off Jade to end that completely dead reign. Maria has become the first interesting thing in the division in a long time and it makes sense to have her get control of the title in addition to the division. Now we can have Gail Kim STAND UP FOR WRESTLING and take the title in a big showdown at Bound For Glory, likely after her Hall of Fame induction. Gail’s knee injury from Impact was mentioned but didn’t factor into the match.

Lashley says there’s a big fight feel tonight and makes JB practice announcing him as the new World Champion.

Here’s James Storm to talk about how fourteen years ago, this company gave a bunch of kids a chance on Wednesday nights. He’s still here though and loves the idea of doing things his way. Storm is here in Orlando, which draws an ORLANDO chant. Tonight, Storm wants to give a new kid an opportunity so get out here Braxton Sutter.

James Storm vs. Braxton Sutter

Apparently Storm told Sutter that it took him a few months to get his first win out of the way. Eh a few months, his second match, same difference. They start fast with Sutter dropping him with a shoulder but running into an armdrag. A dropkick staggers Sutter and an enziguri from the apron makes things worse. Sutter comes back with a high cross body for two and a powerslam for the same, followed by a suplex into the buckle for a third two count. Back up and Sutter charges into a Codebreaker, followed by the Last Call for the pin at 6:47.

Rating: C. Well that happened. I’m so glad they had Sutter get a strong push out of the gate and then have him lose here, probably for the sake of honoring TNA’s history or whatever. TNA is dying for fresh blood right now and having someone new with a lot of potential lose to James Storm clean isn’t the right way. I’d be more fine with this if Storm was heading up the card but I really can’t picture that happening.

Eli Drake says we won’t be seeing champions go 0-3 because he is the namer of the dummies. Bram might just be crazy enough to put his life on the line to take the King of the Mountain Title but if that’s what he thinks, Bram really is a cross eyed dummy, yeah. That guy can just command a camera.

Video of Kurt Angle being announced for the Hall of Fame.

King of the Mountain Title: Bram vs. Eli Drake

Bram is challenging after Drake cashed in Feast or Fired to take the title. Drake jumps him to start but backs off when Bram gets to his feet. An early Brighter Side of Suffering attempt sends the champ out to the floor and that’s enough for Eli so far. Drake tries to leave and says we’ll do this next month, only to have Bram punch him back to the ring.

Bram teases the Brighter Side of Suffering on exposed concrete but Drake backdrops him for a long count from the referee. A neckbreaker gets two for Drake but it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down. Back up and Bram starts slugging away, followed by a jumping knee to the face and Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Now the Brighter Side of Suffering connects and Drake rolls straight to the floor. Back in and Drake hits his clothesline and neckbreaker combo (Blunt Force Trauma) for the pin to retain at 8:36.

Rating: C. I’m a big Drake fan and he’s starting to come around (though a new finisher would really help him) so this was the right call. Bram is fine in his role and could be something if TNA would stick with him but Drake comes off like a Miz: he can command a crowd really well and can wrestle well enough to get through a match.

Mike Bennett talks about being the man who did what no one else could and promises that after tonight, the fans are going to say they believe.

Recap of Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III, which is built around the idea of Bennett being the first person to ever beat Carter and Ethan wanting a rematch to get his revenge after all the cheating in their other matches. Carter had to walk through a road of redemption to get his shot.

Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III

They lock up to start and it’s an early standoff. The fans chant NO WE DON’T as Carter scores with a few shoulders. Ethan knocks him to the floor but eats a clothesline as the fans stay on Carter’s side. Bennett makes things a bit more serious with an elevated DDT off the barricade onto the ramp. It’s way too early for that to end the match though so Bennett grabs a neckbreaker back inside.

The Miracle in Progress is broken up and Ethan plants him with a sitout powerbomb for two. Carter can’t get the 1%er either and Mike gets two off a spinebuster. Bennett gets in a cutter but Ethan pops up for a clothesline to put both guys down. A flapjack sets up the 1%er but Bennett gets out at two. They head to the apron with Carter hitting his TK3 onto the apron, only to go up top and dive into another cutter.

Bennett drops him with a piledriver for two but Ethan rolls some German suplexes and hits another 1%er with Maria throwing a chair in to distract the referee. The referee gets rid of her but it’s a Miracle in Progress onto the chair for two more. Ethan gets up and grabs another TK3 followed by the 1%er for the pin at 15:03.

Rating: B+. This was the match I was looking forward to the most and it delivered as well as I was expecting. These two are a pair of young guys with good chemistry and a lot of talent, which is why this has been the best feud TNA has done in a good while. I’m sure we’ll see a rubber match between them and it’s going to be a lot of fun as well, which gives me a reason to keep watching, for now at least.

Matt Hardy is ready to end Nero.

We recap Matt vs. Jeff, which is over Matt being obsessed with defeating his brother because Jeff has broken him or whatever Matt is babbling about this week. For some reason this has turned him into some combination of Raven and Sweeney Todd with a bad British accent.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Full Metal Mayhem (basically TLC with pins) and Matt’s wife introduces him as broken, meaning he has piano music. Jeff attacks in the aisle to start but Matt comes back with a bunch of weapons. A snap suplex puts Jeff down on the floor as Matt empties a trashcan full of weapons, which only allows Jeff to take over with some hard shots. Jeff crushes him with a ladder up against the post and drives him through a table (that’s not metal) for two.

Back in and Jeff puts a huge ladder completely across the ring with Matt on top for a top rope splash and another near fall. The Swanton hits knees though and Matt gets two of his own. Matt starts biting Jeff’s ear because a Mike Tyson reference seems appropriate here. A Side Effect on the apron knocks Jeff silly but Matt pulls out a keyboard because he’s broken. He bridges it between the apron and a piece of the barricade so Matt can powerbomb Jeff through the keyboard for two.

Matt puts Jeff on a table on the floor and climbs a ladder inside, only to have Jeff come in and send them both crashing into the turnbuckle. It’s Jeff up first with a basement dropkick for two, followed by the Twist of Fate. Ok that he did rip off from Matt. Now the Swanton connects for two more and they head outside next to two tables. Jeff gets another Twist of Fate through one of the tables for two as the fans aren’t really reacting since they’re waiting on the big spot. Matt is laid on the other table and Jeff Swantons off the top through him for the pin at 16:56.

Rating: B-. Uh, that’s it? That’s what they’ve dedicated the most time of any match to on TV? A decent TLC match with a KEYBOARD as the big spot? The ending was nothing special but I’d rather have it be a “safe” (by comparison at least) spot instead of Jeff jumping off the roof or whatever he was hinting at doing. Hopefully this wraps the whole thing up though as Matt really doesn’t need to do anything else, though I’m sure we’ll get another match because these two are MONEY. Like enough money for a Coke or something but it’s still MONEY.

Matt walks off as Jeff celebrates with fans.

Decay says you can’t run from them because they never stay the same. The BroMans’ resurrection will lead to their demise.

Tag Team Titles: Decay vs. BroMans

Decay is defending. Robbie goes after Abyss to start but Steve gets in a cheap shot to take over. It’s quickly off to Jesse as everything breaks down early. Robbie dives off the top to take out the champs, followed by Jesse throwing Rosemary onto them as well. Things settle back down to Abyss choking Jesse in the corner and Steve gets in a shot to the back of the head.

Jesse finally knocks Abyss away and makes the hot tag off to Robbie for a Boom Drop on Steve. Rosemary mists Abyss by mistake and the blind monster chokeslams Steve. The BroDown and Adonis Lock has Steve tapping but Abyss mists the referee by mistake. The women get in a fight as Steve gets in a belt shot for two on Godderz because BLOWING MIST IN A REFEREE’S EYES isn’t a DQ anymore. The Adonis Lock goes on again but Abyss makes another save and grabs the Black Hole Slam on Jesse. Abyss powerbombs Steve on top of him to retain at 9:15.

Rating: C+. This was a lot better than I was expecting and they did a good job of making the BroMans seem like more than just a couple of goofs. The lack of a DQ off both mists was annoying but that’s par for the course anymore. We’re just waiting for the Wolves at this point but it’s good to have a team get a nice little push like this.

Drew Galloway says he’s ready to fight for wrestling.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Drew Galloway

Submission or KO (last man standing variety) only to win and Galloway, in a kilt, is defending. Drew Claymores him two seconds into the match but Lashley pops up and grabs a legbar. That goes nowhere so Drew tries to throw him into the steps, only to have Lashley jump on top of them. Back in and the Iron Maiden is easily broken so Drew grabs a second version.

Lashley fights up and gets in a spear, followed by an overhead belly to belly. Since it’s not a KO though, there’s really nothing to do but wait for Drew to get up. A cross armbreaker doesn’t last long on Drew as he kicks Lashley in the face and cuts his eye open. Lashley suplexes him again and starts pounding away in the corner. Drew blocks a superplex and this a top rope clothesline, followed by another Claymore. It doesn’t even get a count though as Lashley gets up and scores with a quick spear to put both guys down.

Drew gets in a big boot to put Lashley on the floor before sending him into the steps. The Celtic Cross onto the steps makes things even worse for Lashley but he’s still not out. That leaves Drew with nothing else (because the show is running out of time) to do but put on a Sharpshooter on the steps. The referee breaks it up despite DQ’s not being a factor in this match. Yet another Claymore drops Lashley and now it’s time for a table.

Drew’s flip dive over the top only hits the table though and both guys are down again. Lashley won’t let the count go yet though and pounds Drew in the head a bit first. The champ gets up but dives into a Crossface, which is quickly reversed into a Tombstone. Lashley is up again and blasts Drew in the face, setting up a side choke to knock Drew out for the title at 17:58.

Rating: B. The match was good but LASHLEY??? The epitome of “monster for someone to destroy” gets the title again? They’re going up against Smackdown in a few weeks and they put the title on Brock Lesnar minus charisma? This was set up perfectly to have Galloway win and look like a star but instead it’s Lashley again because the first two reigns were so great.

Josh acts like this is Lashley’s first reign to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I’ll be sticking around but egads this company makes it hard to sit through. As usual the show is much better when they just focus on the wrestling instead of all their “creative” stuff but this felt like TNA in a nutshell: the stuff they do is good but it’s just enough to squeak by. Instead of hitting a home run, this was a weak single over the third baseman’s head. There’s enough good in it to keep me watching but Impact is going to go downhill all over again because they have nothing to build towards for four months.

The matches that needed to deliver did so, but the stuff between the opener and Bennett vs. Carter was the usual collection of weak to average at best. As usual TNA survives again on hard work from the wrestlers but I’m not looking forward to Galloway chasing Lashley while Lashley talks about how awesome he is in that weird voice of his. It’s a good enough show, though nothing I’ll ever want to see again.

Results

Eddie Edwards b. Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and DJZ – Small package to Lee

Tribunal b. Grado/Mahabali Shera – Backbreaker/Middle rope elbow combination to Grado

Sienna b. Jade and Gail Kim – Pin after Marti Bell hit Jade in the back

James Storm b. Braxton Sutter – Last Call

Eli Drake b. Bram – Blunt Force Trauma

Ethan Carter III b. Mike Bennett – 1%er

Jeff Hardy b. Matt Hardy – Swanton Bomb through a table

Lashley b. Drew Galloway – Side choke

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Live
Date: January 8, 2016
Location: Sands Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

So due to the cancellations of the India and Gulf Coast tours (due to “issues”), we get a special live edition of One Night Only. The only good that comes out of this is I don’t have to search for the show for months before I can get it done so two people can read it. At least in this case the stories are current so there might be something important here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick preview of the show, which only has a few matches announced due to the really short turnaround. The big story tonight is the return of Beer Money, who will be facing Bram/Eric Young in a very quickly put together feud.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Mandrews vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Tigre Uno

Elimination rules. Tigre Uno is defending against the same people he’s fought for months now. Mandrews is now a full on Dynamic Dude with a skateboard and backwards hat. Uno is in a big shoulder wrap after his injury at Bound For Glory. It’s a brawl to start as this is under tornado rules. Just what we needed. DJZ is quickly sent outside so everyone else can brawl, including Tigre suplexing Steve for two.

Back in and DJZ gets a good looking dropkick to knock Mandrews outside. Good. Stay out there. Mandrews comes back in for two off a hard hurricanrana to DJZ, leaving Tigre to spinwheel kick Steve in the face. A Tower of Doom is broken up with some kicks, leaving Mandrews to dropkick Tigre out to the floor. The fans are behind Steve here for reasons I don’t want to understand.

Mandrews flips out onto Tigre and swings his legs back inside to trip DJZ. That means it’s time to skateboard down the ramp into a headscissors to send DJZ into Steve. Tigre dives onto all three of them before dropping a top rope seated senton for two on Crazzy. Back up and Steve grabs a crossface chicken wing on Tigre’s bad arm in the middle of the ring. Ever the schnook, Mandrews drops a shooting star on both of them to break the hold and pin Steve.

After the elimination, Steve snaps and puts Tigre in the hold again. So I guess that’s a heel turn? Mandrews misses another shooting star but grabs a rollup to get rid of DJZ. We’re down to one on one and Mandrews goes after Tigre’s bad arm. A belly to back gets two on the champ but Tigre breaks up another shooting star (good), setting up a C4 to retain the title at 10:21.

Rating: C. This was more fun than their usual matches but can we please get some fresh faces in this division? Tigre is turning into a special X-Division Champion with a long reign but there’s no way he holds the thing until Destination X when people remember the title exists. On the other hand, I have no idea what people see in Mandrews. He’s a skateboard and a ton of shooting star presses. How is that entertaining?

Post match here’s Gregory Helms to stare down Tigre again. Helms implies that time is running out on Tigre’s reign. Fans: “3 COUNT!” Josh: “Gregory Shane Helms is, in my opinion, coming for the X-Division Title!”

Eric Young, now with fresh arm tattoos, says he and Bram are the only news anyone is going to be talking about in the very near future. Beer Money being back makes people happy but Young and Bram are never happy. Young rants about Matt Hardy costing him the World Title.

Aiden O’Shea vs. Rockstar Spud

Spud does the old Chris Jericho pose by laying against the barricade. After the bell (at least I hope after), Aiden offers Spud a chance to walk out and take the countout instead of a beating. O’Shea keeps calling Spud a mutt as Spud teases leaving, only to come back and flip the big guy off. Aiden pounds him down and keeps talking trash on the mic, shouting that this is a heavyweight division.

The announcers don’t think this is a match because they can’t remember a bell ringing three minutes ago. Spud drives him into the corner but O’Shea shoves him down again. Unfortunately he finds the mic again and talks more trash before pounding in some forearms. Josh throws in a line about Spud being a replacement for Mahabali Shera, whose tires were deflated earlier in the day. Wait it was earlier in the day and he couldn’t get a taxi here? I mean, open a case and do the Shera Shuffle (or is it the Shake?) because IT’S SWEEPING THE NATION!

A backbreaker stuns Spud and Aiden is still talking about how stupid Spud really is. Spud comes back with a baseball slide to knock O’Shea to the floor, followed by a nice dive. O’Shea sends him hard into the barricade and then the announcers’ table, drawing some VERY loud swearing from Spud. Josh: “I guess this was a match.” The referee counting didn’t seem to give Josh the hint. Back in and Spud starts getting fired up, including a double bird and another F bomb. An enziguri and some forearms have O’Shea in trouble, followed by the Underdog for the pin at 9:33.

Rating: D. I’m really not sure what to make of this one. It’s easy to make fun of Josh for not knowing that it was a match because it really wasn’t like a match for a long stretch. Instead it was much more like Aiden cutting a promo and yelling at Spud until we got a quick match. I’ll give them credit for trying something but this mostly missed.

Kurt Angle and Drew Galloway are ready when the Wolves come in. The Wolves came in and said they want a match with the two of them. Eli Drake and Jesse Godderz come in to add themselves. This might have been from Tuesday.

We look at Carter winning the title on Tuesday and see his post match victory speech where he basically says he told us so. He’s called himself several things since arriving in TNA including the new game. With this title, he may not be the new game anymore but he’s certainly going to change it.

Robbie E. vs. Mike Bennett

Before the match, Maria comes out and asks if we believe in the Miracle. Robbie goes right after him to start and fires off some right hands to knock Mike out to the floor. A nice dive takes Bennett down, meaning Mike has already taken more offense than he should have already. Robbie tries a hurricanrana on the floor but Mike pulls him up and swings him head first into the barricade to take over.

Back in and a big boot gets two on Robbie before we hit the chinlock. Robbie fights up again but can’t hit the Boom Drop. He can’t hit a high cross body either but the second Boom Drop connects to knock Mike out to the apron. The delay gives me time to realize that Robbie E. wears the same style shorts that Alexa Bliss wears. Back in and Mike hits a quick cutter, followed by a fireman’s carry into a Michinoku driver for the pin at 7:33.

Rating: D-. What the heck was that? Keep in mind that this was a debut for someone who was supposed to be a top star. Robbie is a solid midcard act but this should have been just a step above a squash. Instead it was a back and forth match with Robbie hitting his finisher. Who in the world thought this was a good way to book someone’s debut? Horrible booking here and it showed very badly.

Post match the finisher is named Divine Intervention. Bennett promises to build a kingdom of miracles.

Gail Kim is happy for the gauntlet match because she won the first Knockouts Title in the same kind of match. Whoever wins is in for a fight. JB goes over some of the people in the match, actually trying to pretend that Kong isn’t going to win. That’s adorable.

Video on the Knockouts, basically giving a quick profile on each. This should have been on Impact.

Gauntlet Match

This is a mini Royal Rumble but it turns into a regular match when we’re down to two with the winner becoming #1 contender. Madison Rayne is in at #1 and Jade is in at #2. They botch a headscissors to start with Jade going down anyway, only to send Madison over the top and out to the apron. It’s way too early for an elimination though and Madison gets back in but misses an enziguri.

Jade gets kicked out of the corner and slapped in the ribs a few times until it’s Rebel in at #3. A quick spinning kick to the head (drawing the second Holly Holm reference of the night) drops Madison as we get a weak NXT chant. Rayne has to try to fight both of them off until it’s Chelsea (unfortunately not the gorgeous one that hung out with Desmond Wolfe but rather Daniel Bryan’s version of Claire Lynch) in at #4.

Chelsea can’t quite eliminate Rebel but does give Madison a breather. The pairs fight against the ropes until it’s Marti Bell in at #5 to give the Dollhouse yet another advantage. Rebel does her splits choke in the corner to keep Chelsea in trouble and the Dollhouse dominates. We still have no eliminations until it’s Deonna (recently of NXT) in at #6. Deonna takes down Rebel and Marti with a bad looking double clothesline as the ring is getting too full. A triple spear puts the Dollhouse down and Rebel is knocked out.

Awesome Kong is in at #7 and it’s time to clear some room. Kong starts cleaning house and uses the other Dollhouse members as projectiles in a smart move. Chelsea and Deonna try to double team the monster and get chokeslammed at the same time. Both are quickly eliminated and it’s Velvet Sky in at #8 to give us a final grouping of Sky, Rayne, Kong, Jade and Bell. Velvet starts knocking the Dollhouse around and the Beautiful People actually knock Kong down.

Marti gets low bridged to the apron but Velvet doesn’t bother to eliminate her. Rayne takes care of Marti for her partner but Velvet is eliminated a few seconds later, leaving us with Madison, Kong and Jade. Kong stands on Rayne’s hand as Pope talks about being in this kind of match before. Josh: “You’ve been in a #1 contenders gauntlet match for the Knockouts Title?”

That’s why Josh Matthews is a horrible commentator in one sentence. Pope is trying to sound like a professional and apply some of his experience to what we’re watching but Josh has to try and make himself sound smart instead. I’m so glad to see Josh getting himself over instead of doing his job. Kong puts Jade on her shoulders and swings her at Madison, only to have Jade get knocked out to the floor and get us down to one on one.

Rayne is quickly taken down to the mat and put in a leg lock which doesn’t go anywhere. Some clotheslines have little effect on Kong but a missile dropkick actually puts her down for two. The shocked look on Kong’s face is great, only to have her grab the Implant Buster to put Rayne away at 16:08.

Rating: D. These things just don’t work. They just don’t. I know TNA has tried this match for years now and I can only think of one or two that wasn’t a borderline disaster. I don’t know if it’s the way they’re booked or how much time they take but these things are almost always bad. Granted in this case it was the lack of any doubt about Kong winning because who else was going to get the title shot here?

The Wolves are glad to have Beer Money back, even though Beer Money is the past. They’d love to face Beer Money any time but here are Eli Drake and Jesse Godderz to interrupt. A lot of bragging leads to a pull apart.

Trevor Lee vs. Pepper Parks

Parks is an indy regular. Trevor jumps him at the bell and stomps Pepper down in the corner, allowing Pope to get in a “salt in pepper’s wounds” line. Pepper sends Trevor to the floor for a flip dive and stops to play to the crowd a bit. It seems to work this time so points for trying something so many people forget to do. Trevor comes back with a knee to the face as Josh actually brings up Trevor being part of the GFW invasion. Lee puts a knee in Parks’ back and pulls back on the arm for a painful looking hold before actually getting a near fall.

Back up and Lee does his cool belly to belly suplex to counter a cross body and we hit the chinlock. Parks simplifies things a bit by kicking Trevor in the face and gets two off a backslide. A fisherman’s neckbreaker gets the same and Parks cuts off a comeback with a Sky High. Trevor gets creative though with what looks like a dropkick but turns it into a stomp to the chest. That and a fisherman’s buster into a small package are enough to pin Parks at 8:05.

Rating: C+. Is there a reason Parks doesn’t have a job somewhere? He’s a name you hear about all over the place but he’s only been brought in to job here and there. Lee continues to be entertaining and could have a future in TNA if they don’t manage to screw him up like they do almost everyone else.

The Dollhouse celebrates in the back and Kong ACTUALLY TALKS, telling Kim to clean that title up before she comes for it. Has she ever talked before? If so I’d hope it was something more than this. She’s actually not a bad talker and sounded a lot more confident than you would have expected.

Pope is in the ring for some reason. He’s been insulting someone on commentary lately and would like to talk to him face to face. This brings Grado dancing out to the ring, much to Pope’s disgust. Pope talks about how they’re not exactly friends and Grado says something I can barely understand, talking about meeting Pope in 2011. They took a picture together and Grado got TWENTY SIX LIKES on Facebook!

Pope gets annoyed all over again and calls Grado a joke for dancing all over the place instead of taking this ring seriously. Grado offers to speak in an American accent (and not a terrible one actually) so Pope can understand him. He says he’d fight anyone in the back to prove himself to Pope and that means it’s time for a match.

Before we get to the match though, a quick question: why has TNA not had Pope work a match? He’s not exactly a great commentator and he’s still active on the indy circuit, even holding a title in OVW. He was a total heel here though and I have no idea why as he’s normally a face commentator. This was really weird and Pope was doing everything differently than he’s been doing in recent months.

Grado vs. Abyss

Monster’s Ball of course with Abyss setting up the rules by telling Grado he likes to dance too. Grado actually dances before kicking Abyss low for an early advantage before the bell. It’s time for some early weapons but Grado knocks the cheese grater away from the monster. Some trashcan shots have little effect on Abyss and he knocks it right into Grado’s face to take over.

We get a table bridged between the apron and the barricade plus the bag of tacks poured out on the floor. Grado is smart enough to use the time to get the cheese grater and blast Abyss low, followed by some kendo stick shots to drop the monster. Abyss is getting up as Grado heads up top, only to have a trashcan pelted at his head, knocking him down through the table for a huge crash.

Instead of just ending it though, here’s the barbed wire board to make it even worse. It’s also Janice time and of course it gets stuck in the turnbuckle. Grado kicks him onto the barbed wire board and now Pope is on Grado’s side. Another board is put on top of Abyss to make a sandwich, followed by a top rope splash to crush him even worse. Grado grabs Janice but gets chokeslammed onto the tacks to give Abyss the pin at 9:23.

Rating: D. What was the point of this? Grado is called a goofy loser, then does goofy stuff in the match and then gets beaten? I’m not a Grado fan but this felt like a way to make him look horrible instead of treating him like someone they might want to capitalize on. The match was your usual Monster’s Ball, which you can almost paint by numbers anymore.

Drew thanks Kurt for the chance and promises to bring it on Tuesday.

Tag Team Titles: Eli Drake/Jesse Godderz vs. Kurt Angle/Drew McIntyre vs. Wolves

Wolves are defending. Jesse headlocks Davey to start but Richards tags in Eddie as Pope almost calls this a WWE Tag Team Title match. Drake comes in and suplexes Edwards for two, only to get a WE WANT ANGLE chant. Instead they get Jesse kicking Eddie in the head but getting suplexed down a few seconds later. Drake is smart enough to pull Davey off the apron to break up the tag, leaving Eddie to tag in Angle.

It’s time to bust out the Germans, including one to both Wolves at the same time. Drew comes in and helps his partner clean house Eddie finally crotches Drew on top to put him in the Tree of Woe, allowing Richards to add a top rope headbutt for two. Nice sequence there. Eddie and Drew get in a chopping contest in opposite corners before deciding to chop each other for a bit.

Drake finally breaks it up with clotheslines but Angle comes back in with an Angle Slam to Jesse. It’s Drew nailing Eddie with the Claymore to put all six down. Drake and Jesse bail to the floor, leaving the other teams to slug it out. That’s fine with the Wolves who both hit the ropes to take out the cowards on the floor.

Drew flips over the top to take out all four and throws Drake back in for an Angle Slam, only to have Davey slide in for a save. The referee gets distracted, allowing Drake to nail Drew with a title for another near fall. Jesse kicks Kurt low but gets sent to the floor, leaving Eli to take the Wolves’ Chasing the Dragon knockoff for two. Not that it matters as Eddie grabs a leg bar to make Eli tap at 10:13.

Rating: B-. This is the standard tag team formula these days and I’m still not a fan. The matches rarely last very long before the whole thing breaks down into pure chaos. It’s still entertaining enough to work but I could go for a more traditional style of tag match with two teams instead of three once in awhile. Still though, match of the night so far.

The good guys all pose together post match.

Lashley is sick of Tyrus costing him the World Title and wants some revenge.

Lashley vs. Tyrus

This has potential, though Lashley’s orange headband kind of ruins the image. Some running shoulders to the ribs in the corner have Tyrus in trouble as the announcers unfortunately remember that Tyrus has a World Title shot coming to him in the near future. Lashley can’t get the legs so he goes with a standing armbar instead. Josh actually talks some strategy by pointing out that Lashley likes to fight in close quarters.

That’s accurate but completely forgotten when Lashley jumps onto Tyrus’ shoulders for a standing cross armbreaker. Well that was awesome. The annoying TNA fans want Shera as Tyrus drops down to break the hold before suplexing him over the top and out to the floor. With the referee checking on Lashley, Tyrus pulls the top turnbuckle off, which I’m sure won’t come back to haunt him.

A headbutt to the chest puts Lashley down again for two and we hit the nerve hold. Thankfully it doesn’t last long as Tyrus throws him over with a t-bone suplex before sending him hard into the exposed buckle. Lashley shrugs it off but misses a charge (mostly) into the post, allowing Tyrus to get two off a cross body. They go over to the exposed buckle but the referee gets bumped. For some reason this fires Lashley up and he goes totally insane, sending Tyrus into the exposed buckle TEN TIMES IN A ROW! Ok so they were really gentle shots but still it’s a cool idea. The spear puts Tyrus away at 9:35.

Rating: D+. This could have been a lot better if they just beat each other up for ten minutes but instead it was Tyrus laying around and doing his slow offense because he’s not that interesting. At least Lashley didn’t lose again as I’m really getting tired of seeing him lose every important match he ever has. Not horrible here and the ten buckle spot was a new idea but Lashley needs someone else to throw around.

The announcers recap the show.

Beer Money video.

Roode and Storm are ready.

Beer Money vs. Bram/Eric Young

Storm headlocks Young down to start and drops him with a Russian legsweep, followed by a knee drop from Roode. With the wrestling not working, Young bites Roode on the shoulder and makes the tag off to Bram. Everything breaks down and Bram gets double hiptossed. Young is rammed into his partner to send both guys out to the floor. That’s fine with Roode who backdrops Storm onto both guys for a crash.

There’s the double suplex but Bram breaks up SHOUTING THEIR NAMES, which must be considered the big spot. Things settle down with Storm getting beaten down in the wrong corner until he grabs a running neckbreaker on Young. It’s not enough for the hot tag though as Bram keeps Storm down and grabs a chinlock.

Roode and Young yell at each other on the apron, allowing Young to take Bram’s place with no tag. Those horrible villains. Storm fights up and catches Bram in a double clothesline, only to have Young pull Roode off the apron. Not that it matters as Storm gets in another clothesline a few moments later and makes the hot tag.

Everything breaks down and Storm busts out a hurricanrana from the top, setting up a top rope splash from Roode for two. The villains come back with a Hart Attack for the same but Storm breaks up the piledriver with a Last Call. Now Beer Money gets to SHOUT THEIR NAMES and it’s the DWI (Drinking While Investing, a suplex into a powerbomb) for the pin on Bram at 15:05.

Rating: B-. I liked this one more than the three way tag as it had more structure (and time to be fair) before everything broke down. Beer Money is still a good team though I’m not sure what they’re going to do after they have the dream match against the Wolves. That’s good for a one off match or maybe two but after that, the division is still horribly dry.

A big celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was WAY better than most One Night Only shows but it felt like a long episode of Impact instead of something special. It’s not a bad show and the two tag matches are both entertaining, but as usual this felt like a contractual obligation instead of something they needed to air. Unless you absolutely loved Impact earlier this week, don’t waste your time with this.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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TNA World Cup of Wrestling III
Date: August 5, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

Dang it I knew I’d get back to these one day. For some reason (likely because no one likes them) these are getting harder and harder to find online and the best I can do is usually two and a half months after the air date. In this case it’s another team competition, which is usually one of the better ideas they have. There will be four teams of six wrestlers each. All of the teams are going to face each other once, plus a four way with each of the captains. The teams with the most points (1 point per win) meet in an elimination tag for the whole thing. Let’s get to it.

No opening video for a change.

It’s time for Jeremy Borash to waste a lot of time by holding the live draft. We open with the introductions of the four captains:

Bobby Roode

Eric Young

Ethan Carter III

Jeff Hardy

Josh rips on JB for reading off a clipboard but praises Carter despite him carrying one of his own. Also ignore the part where Josh says Carter will make a great World Champion, despite winning the title a month before this aired. ALSO ignore the fact that Hardy was out with a broken leg three months before this aired.

We keep wasting time with an opening statement from each captain. Ethan (with his arm in the big brace) says he’s been thinking about his loss last year at the World Cup and he can’t wait to make it up. Young doesn’t want to hear from the fans because he won this last year. Roode and Hardy keep it more simple by saying they’ll win.

Now here’s the thing: it’s going to take a LONG time to get through the picks so I’m not going to say “this person picked this person” step by step. Instead, here are the teams in full with the captains listed first:

Bobby Roode, Lashley, Austin Aries, Magnus, Mr. Anderson, Taryn Terrell

Ethan Carter III, Tyrus, James Storm, Awesome Kong, Jesse Godderz, Robbie E.

Eric Young, Bram, Abyss, Havok, Samuel Shaw, Manik

Jeff Hardy, Gunner, Davey Richards, Gail Kim, Crazzy Steve, Rockstar Spud

There were only two funny bits here: Carter picked Jeremy Borash first. Carter: “Just kidding it’s Tyrus.” Second, when Robbie came out, he danced around, kissed Kong, and shouted I’M NOT LAST!!! Also Josh thought Roode was going to pick Hornswoggle when he said from Green Bay, Wisconsin. As usual, Josh isn’t funny.

The picks are done but JB says the opening match still isn’t ready to start.

Quick rules explanation.

Bram vs. Austin Aries

The first opening bell: 28 minutes into the show, leaving us with about two hours and twelve minutes to get through ten matches. Aries is quickly dumped out to the floor and sent into the barricade as the announcers are actually still on topic. I give it ten minutes. Aries gets smart by taking out the knee as Josh is showing JB a photo of him at Manchester United’s stadium. Dang they didn’t even make it three minutes.

The Last Chancery sends Bram going to the ropes for a break and things settle down again. Bram stomps on the chest to break up a sunset flip attempt as about four fans chant ANGRY JESUS. Off to a chinlock on Aries for a bit before he grabs a second Last Chancery. So the first one was the next to Last Chancery?

Back up and Aries goes to the apron to send Bram face first into alternating buckles over and over. A missile dropkick sets up the running corner dropkick but Bram gets a boot up for a block. An Edge-O-Matic gets two for Bram and he starts pounding on Aries’ back for good measure. Bram slowly kicks at him and is quickly rolled up for the pin.

Rating: C. Not a bad match until a pretty slow ending. Aries continues to be one of the best acts in the company’s history and of course he’s now gone because they decided to keep going with Angle and Hardy on top instead of going back to him in the years since he lost the title.

Team Roode – 1

Team Young – 0

Team Hardy – 0

Team Carter – 0

EC3 lists off the members of his team and promises to win. Kong looks terrified when the BroMans (with DJZ) start talking. This is even more filler.

James Storm vs. Lashley

Storm has Khoya (Mahabali Shera) with him. Feeling out process to start with Storm dropping down for some pushups. He can’t throw Lashley around though so James bails to the floor and meets with Khoya. The instructions seem to work as Khoya grabs the leg, sending Lashley outside after him. That’s about it for the success as Lashley shoulders Storm down inside and rams him into the buckle a few times.

Khoya blocks a spear attempt and Storm finally takes over with a Backstabber. Storm’s enziguri starts a bad cowbell chant but Lashley fires off right hands to make his comeback. Neither finisher can hit and Storm gets two off a neckbreaker. A spinebuster should set up Lashley’s spear but another Khoya distraction….doesn’t matter as the spear connects to give Lashley the win.

Rating: D+. Now we’re getting into the standard One Night Only match formula: short matches that don’t have time to go anywhere and have no heat on them because they’re part of some big show long idea, meaning this really doesn’t mean a ton. You can feel the lack of caring in the crowd though and it’s not a good sign going forward.

Team Roode – 2

Team Young – 0

Team Hardy – 0

Team Carter – 0

Storm blames Khoya for the loss and demands that Khoya bow to him.

Roode thinks his team will win.

BroMans vs. Magnus/Mr. Anderson

Jesse and Magnus get things going with Magnus taking over off a wristlock. Anderson comes in and works on the arm as well until it’s off to Robbie, who walks into a hiptoss. The announcers debate game shows as Magnus gets two off a suplex. Some heel double teaming lets Jesse take over and he actually wins a slugout against Magnus. As you might expect, the announcers spent the segment trying to figure out what to call Magnus and Mickie James.

Robbie chinlocks Magnus for a bit before some elbows to the BroMans’ faces allow for the tag to Anderson. I can’t really call it hot as the fans didn’t seem to notice but it was in fact a tag. Everything breaks down but DJZ distracts the referee. Anderson goes after him and gets hairspray in the eyes, allowing Robbie to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. Worst match of the show so far but a lot of that is due to Anderson and Magnus having gone through the motions for the last year (or several years in Anderson’s case). That being said, the ending makes sense as former World Tag Team Champions should be able to beat a thrown together team with no history.

Team Roode – 2

Team Carter – 1

Team Young – 0

Team Hardy – 0

Young says his team will win.

Manik/Abyss vs. Rockstar Spud/Davey Richards

This could be decent. Davey and Manik trade some basic stuff to start before it’s off to Spud vs. Abyss. Spud goes right at him and has about as much success as you might expect. A middle rope forearm staggers Abyss but Spud has to bite his way out of a chokeslam attempt. Spud actually puts him down with a missile dropkick and Abyss looks stunned.

Manik tags himself in and gets punched out, only to have Abyss run both good guys over. It’s Spud in trouble now as JB talks about James Storm’s stable. Davey leads a KILL SPUD KILL chant as the Revolution guys take turns on chinlocks. The announcers make their picks for the whole competition. I’m kind of stunned that they’ve stayed on topic this long.

Spud crawls through Manik’s legs to make the tag off to Davey for the rapid fire kicks in the corner. Everything breaks down and the giant is sent to the floor, allowing Davey and Spud to double team Manik in the corner. Abyss takes a suicide dive from Davey, leaving Spud to hit the Underdog on Manik. A top rope double stomp gives Davey the easy pin.

Rating: C. Very simple idea here but the match worked well enough all around. Richards and Spud were a good underdog team and fought off a regular pairing. Abyss is good for a monster who can come in at any time and play his normal role as well as anyone else. Totally watchable match here which is as good as it gets around here.

Team Roode – 2

Team Carter – 1

Team Hardy – 1

Team Young – 0

Hardy says his team will win.

Crazzy Steve vs. Samuel Shaw

I’ve had nightmares about things like this before. Steve comes in with a zombie cymbal playing monkey around his neck. Shawn frames the monkey but Steve won’t let him touch it. The announcers talk about Brian Stiffler’s pierced nipples because of course they do. Now it’s off to a discussion of mall stores because they like Steve’s belt. Shaw shoves Steve down and crawls for the monkey but Steve crawls over as well and shakes his head no. The fans (save for one guy) are silent for most of this.

Steve bites Shaw’s face and it’s time to play hot potato with the monkey. Now Shaw crawls after the referee as Josh sings Taryn Terrell’s theme music. Shaw hates Steve and I hate the horrible punches that Steve uses for his comeback. With Steve down, Shaw picks up the monkey and goes up, only to miss a guillotine legdrop. Fans: “LET’S GO MONKEY!” Steve picks up the monkey but the referee takes it away, setting up a low blow and Shaw’s standing choke for the win.

Rating: F. A little over a year ago, Bully Ray and Rockstar Spud beat the Dirty Heels in the funniest match I’ve ever seen. That match worked because Ray and Spud work really well together as an oddball combination. It felt like they were told to go out there and be funny for ten minutes while being allowed to pick the details themselves. This felt like they were given a bad idea and had no idea how to make it work, which is why comedy in wrestling rarely works.

Team Roode – 2

Team Hardy – 1

Team Carter – 1

Team Young – 1

Havok vs. Awesome Kong

Hardcore (not announced to the crowd) because I don’t think anyone wants to see these two have a regular match. They start fighting in the aisle as you would expect them to as Kong takes over off a trashcan shot. Josh: “No need for Duke Droese here.” Havok’s weapon shots knock Kong into the ring but Kong goes all ninja by spinning a pipe around. That’s the coolest thing I’ve seen on these shows in forever.

Of course the fans want tables as Havok beats Kong down again. Here’s a ladder because these two don’t listen to the fans. Josh starts asking about having water infused with fruit. Seriously where does he get this stuff? Kong “chokeslams” Havok onto the ladder (read as she shoved Havok down) for the pin.

Rating: D-. I can’t call it a failure when it had the ninja stick thing from Kong but this was another match limited by the time. Then again these two have never had the chemistry that people expected from them. Granted that could be due to the fact that big power wrestlers like this ALMOST NEVER WORK WELL TOGETHER but people want to see it anyway for reasons I’ll never understand.

Team Roode – 2

Team Carter – 2

Team Hardy – 1

Team Young – 1

Josh thinks that leaderboard looks like Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy on top of a golf tournament. I’d ask what that means but I’m sure it’s just me being an internet nerd.

Tyrus vs. Gunner

I had forgotten Gunner was a thing. Gunner charges right at the monster to start as Josh talks about Tyrus always being in the gym. I think he meant Gunner but who am I to doubt Josh Matthews? Tyrus slams him down and puts on a bearhug. Announcers’ topic: celebrities who Tyrus has worked for as a bodyguard, including Pete “Marinovich”.

I think Josh meant Maravich but…..dang he’s said so many stupid things tonight that I’m running out of insults. Gunner’s powerslam fails and it’s back to the bearhug. Josh keeps up his stupid namedropping and Gunner finally slams him. Josh: “Like when Hogan slammed Andre.” Not that it matters as the spike to the throat gives Tyrus the pin. Josh: “If Tyrus had been in Ford’s Theater that night, President Lincoln wouldn’t have been assassinated.” JB: “Yeah but he would be really old.”

Rating: D-. Another bad match as Josh has gone from annoying to obnoxious on commentary. I mean…..dang he sounds stupid with so many of the things he says. The commentary on these shows have always been a disaster and that’s the case here too. The match was bad again because they don’t have time to do anything and clearly don’t care in the slightest.

Team Carter – 3

Team Roode – 2

Team Young – 1

Team Hardy – 1

Taryn says she’s ready to compete like a champion.

Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell

Taryn grabs a headlock and headscissors to start as they seem to actually be trying more than anyone has in the last few matches. Gail gets up and sends her face first into the buckle, which Josh says we can experience by running into a tree backwards. Both women crash out to the floor as Josh talks about subliminal messages based on the IMPACT ring skirts. They can’t even afford a ONE NIGHT ONLY ring skirt to make this seem a bit more important? I mean, it looks like the least important show ever so it can’t be that difficult.

Now we debate whether counting for a DQ should count towards a countout as Taryn grabs a half crab. The silence from the crowd here is borderline eerie. Josh: “What’d you have for lunch today?” Taryn’s middle rope clothesline gets two as Josh writes the foreword to JB’s book. Gail misses a charge and hits the floor again but Russian legsweeps Taryn into the barricade. You would think she would be smarter than that, being a WRESTLER and all. Back in and Taryn fires off some clotheslines, showing some of the better fire all night. Gail ducks a high cross body though and counters the Taryn Cutter into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C+. Maybe it’s Taryn being gorgeous, maybe it’s the idea of Jeremy Borash book actually sounding appealing or maybe it’s the effort put in here for a change but this was one of the more entertaining matches on the show so far. Of course that’s on a sliding scale because this show is another disaster that is clearly just here to fill in a slow but take what you can get.

Team Carter – 3

Team Roode – 2

Team Hardy – 2

Team Young – 1

Roode promises he’ll win the captains match.

Bobby Roode vs. Eric Young vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III

One fall to a finish and no tags to start which makes things even better. Josh incorrectly says Team Young is mathematically eliminated from going to the finals as everyone goes after Eric in the corner. Carter and Young are sent to the floor, leaving Roode to work on Hardy’s arm. The taping schedule becomes an issue again here as Josh goes on a rant about how Carter should be World Champion already.

Carter comes back in and switches places with Roode, leaving Josh to insult JB for trying to be British. A belly to belly gets Eric a two count on Hardy and Josh freaks out that Carter is bleeding. With Roode still nowhere to be seen, Carter and Young start arguing over who is going to pin Hardy. In other words, it’s the same uninspired stuff you’ve seen every single time you watch a multi-man match.

Roode comes back in with some running clotheslines but Carter breaks up the comeback. Hardy breaks up a piledriver attempt from Young so Eric piledrives Roode instead. Back up and Eric bites Hardy’s head, actually not drawing any jokes from Josh. With Roode and Carter fighting on the floor, Hardy hits a quick Twist of Fate to pin Young.

Rating: C. The star power helped but this was every multi-man match you’ve seen in a very long time. Hardy going to the finals was pretty obvious and at least the fans reacted a little bit for the pin. Young losing is almost always a good thing to see as well but this was just a dull match that has been covered to death already.

Team Carter – 3

Team Hardy – 3

Team Roode – 2

Team Young – 1

Carter beats Hardy down post match.

Long recap of the whole show thus far.

Team Hardy vs. Team Carter

Jeff Hardy, Rockstar Spud, Davey Richards, Gail Kim, Crazzy Steve, Gunner

Ethan Carter III, Tyrus, Robbie E., Jesse Godderz, James Storm, Awesome Kong

Survivor Series rules, Storm has Khoya with him and Carter has written HARDY on the bandage over his head. The bell rings but Team Carter is still huddling, allowing Khoya to slip Storm a weapon. Hardy and Carter start things off so Carter tags out to Robbie before any contact. That’s another idea that we’ve seen a hundred times and it’s just as tired as it’s always been.

One shot sends Robbie off to Godderz for a tag as we’re already two minutes into this. Gunner comes in and we finally get a lockup. One shoulder sends Jesse bailing to the corner and it’s off to Carter. That goes nowhere either and it’s off to Tyrus because we didn’t see enough of this match earlier. Just like earlier, Tyrus takes him into the corner and it’s off to Storm……who tags Kong in fifteen seconds later.

Before she can even get both feet in the ring, Jesse tags himself back in. Oh and how lucky we are as we get to see Steve. Wristlocks are exchanged and Steve mostly headscissors him over, giving him the move of the match so far. Now it’s off to Richards vs. Tyrus and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY STEVE COMES BACK IN AGAIN. Just freaking wrestle already! Thankfully Tyrus spikes Steve down for the first elimination. Gail comes in and says she wants Kong.

We get the Knockouts showdown and things are instantly more interesting as they do the same stuff they’ve done a dozen times. Kong gets dropkicked to the floor and they brawl up towards the stage for a double countout. It’s Robbie vs. Davey with Richards scoring a modified Crossface for the submission in less than a minute. Jesse comes in and gets headbutted by Gunner and Davey.

A slingshot suplex from Gunner brings in Spud, who is quickly gorilla pressed (read as Jesse lifts him up and moves his arms a bit) about fifteen times in a row, only to have Spud roll him up for the pin. Tyrus comes in for a head vice and the submission from Spud, followed by Hardy rolling Tyrus up for another pin. As you might expect, Josh doesn’t get that Spud was knocked out and thought he tagged Hardy despite not being within ten feet of him. Those eliminations all came in about thirty seconds.

We’re down to Hardy, Davey and Gunner vs. Storm and Carter. Gunner starts working on Storm’s shoulder but Storm hits a quick Last Call to tie things up. Davey rolls Storm up for two and the kickout sends him head first into whatever Khoya had slipped to Carter, giving Ethan another elimination. It’s Hardy vs. Storm/Carter with Jeff pounding away on the captain in the corner.

The Whisper in the Wind mostly misses Storm so Ethan drops Jeff again. Ethan pops up and hits Hardy with the big metal brace on his arm for a DQ elimination. Storm only gets two but he superkicks Jeff on top. It doesn’t knock Jeff out though as he throws Storm down, kicks Khoya away, and drops the Swanton for the pin and the victory.

Rating: D-. As you might have expected, TNA screwed this part up too as they went through eleven eliminations in the span of just over ten minutes because they had to keep up that stupid “no you’re it” nonsense to start. This was yet another uninteresting match with little drama and nothing I’m ever going to remember. Boring stuff, as I think all the fans knew were coming.

As soon as the pin goes down, Josh shouts about how Ethan wasn’t pinned because that’s the most important thing on the show.

The trophy presentation and a recap video wrap things up.

Overall Rating: F-. I know we talk about JBL, Cole and the rest of the WWE announcers being annoying and they’re valid complaints. However, Josh Matthews makes them seem like the patron saints of broadcasting. I cannot remember a time where I sat through a wrestling show wanting to scream at an announcer for all of the stupid, unprofessional, self serving, not funny and downright horrendous things he spent this show going on about.

I get that TNA doesn’t care about these shows, but at least the drivel that the commentators spew serves some purpose other than the amusement of one person. Matthews is following in Tazz’s footsteps on these shows and it’s somehow making them even worse. The wrestling was totally uninspired and dull but Matthews’ commentary made it that much harder to sit through, which continues to make these things the most grueling shows I’ve ever had to sit through. Act like professionals already and maybe you won’t keep getting bounced from one network to another. Or just fire Josh already.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Genesis 2006
Date: November 19, 2006
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

We just looked at the rematch of Joe vs. Angle, so now let’s look at the original. That’s the main event obviously, in Angle’s TNA debut match. As I said in the previous show, this isn’t something that makes you think big show. What’s even stupider is that Angle was at the previous show, Bound For Glory, as a guest referee while Joe had a pointless Monster’s Ball match. Then again this is TNA so logic is pretty much thrown out. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how it’s a new age, comparing this to the first steps on the moon. Now we have opera music. It’s all about Angle vs. Joe of course with a little bit about the world title match and even some about LAX. They’re on the poster so they do need some coverage. As always, this video goes on WAY too long, running almost three and a half minutes. Dave Penzer being heard we’ve fifteen seconds from going live is a nice touch.

Kazarian/Maverick Matt/Johnny Devine vs. Voodoo Kin Mafia

The three guys that would become Seretonin are in their new look now but have only been talking about their redeemer who would later be revealed as Raven. The Mafia is now at WAR with WWE. Tenay flat out says they’re going after Vince and it would only get worse. The fans chant that DX sucks. Anyway, Roadie, the guy only famous for being in DX, starts off with Matt.

BG (Road Dogg) gets taken into the corner and the heels alternate on him to take over. They tease the white shirt wearing Kip to allow more triple teaming. They’re flying through this match so it’s not going to last long. BG gets in a shot and hot tags Kip. Kip cleans house and uses a Pedigree as Tenay talks about the War. Devine jumps off the top but gets caught in the cobra clutch slam for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but anything that furthers this idiotic angel isn’t a good thing. As I said in the Turning Point review, I have no idea what they thought they were proving with this thing, but it would result in them “invading” a house show which they claimed was the same thing as DX invading WCW in 1998.

BG says the ground war begins on Thursday. Tenay: “I know where I’m going to be Thursday night! Watching Impact on TV!” These jokes write themselves.

We run down the rest of the card in TNA tradition.

Kaz and Matt bring back Devine whose head is now covered. And here’s Raven in a white suit. West sounds like he’s seeing a bluejay in a park. Devine gets on his knees so he can be beaten with a kendo stick.

Shane Douglas and the Naturals talk about beating up Team 3D and putting them through a table. Tonight they’re facing….Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt.

The Naturals vs. Sonjay Dutt/Jay Lethal

The X guys have Jerry Lynn with them. The Naturals are Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas for those of you unfamiliar, which is probably a lot of you. They shout about Team 3D for most of the match. Stevens tries what would have been an AWESOME sunset bomb to the floor but Lethal saves himself. The Naturals are rammed together and sent to the floor so the X guys hit stereo dives to take them out.

Back inside and the smaller guys hit some incredibly fast paced double teaming on Stevens who plays the heel in peril. There’s a rarity for you. Off to Douglas (no relation to Shane) who hits Lethal low to take over. Off to a seated abdominal stretch on Lethal. Back up and a jumping knee to the face puts Lethal down for two.

Stevens comes in and stops Jay’s comeback with a wheelbarrow suplex for two. Hot tag to Dutt and he speeds things way up. What was supposed to be a seated senton hits Douglas and Lethal hits the Lethal Combination for two on Chase. Shane interferes so that a missile dropkick/powerbomb combo can get the pin. The powerbomb was awkward but it worked.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but I have no idea what the point of it was. The Naturals talked about Team 3D for awhile but they were nowhere in sight, so what was the point of the reference? Shouldn’t the return of Team 3D happen here for the beatdown after this match happened on Impact? I don’t get it but whatever. Also, it’s better than a bikini contest. Not a bad match, just not interesting.

LAX rants about Petey Williams stopping the flag burning on Impact. Konnan goes on an anti-military rant for some reason and says no one can stop them from burning a flag tonight because they have rights.

We recap Daniels vs. Sabin. Daniels is the honorable champion, Sabin is the whiny punk challenger. That’s about it.

Daniels says that he and AJ are cool after Daniels took the title from him on Thursday.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Christopher Daniels

This is Daniels’ first defense. Sabin slaps him in the face a few times to get on Daniels’ nerves. Daniels grabs a wristlock and Sabin spins out of it but winds up slapping the champ again. Daniels tries the same thing but with a right hand instead of a slap, but Sabin blocks it and pokes Daniels in the eyes. The match turns into a fast paced gymnastics routine resulting in Sabin bailing to the floor.

Back in it’s another counter routine, resulting in Daniels having his foot on the back of Sabin’s head and driving it into the mat. Daniels tries a sunset flip but when he goes for the shoulder to the ribs to set it up, Sabin kicks him in the face and dropkicks him to the floor. A double ax to the floor has the champ in trouble. This is a chess match with neither guy being able to get an extended advantage.

Sabin drops him throat first over the barricade which gets two back in. I think we have our first advantage here. A running one footed dropkick to the back of a seated Daniels’ head gets two. Off to a nerve hold and Daniels rubs Sabin’s hand in a manner that needs a bad romance song. The champion tries a spinning springboard cross body but Sabin ducks. West compares Sabin to Kobe Bryant for some reason. The analogy of raw talent followed by attitude makes sense, but I don’t remember Bryant ever choking Kevin Garnett over the middle rope with his knee.

Sabin puts him in the Tree of Woe and hits a hesitation dropkick. Now he throws in some chairs while telling West to shut his mouth. Here’s Styles to pull out the chairs and tick Sabin off. With Daniels still in the Tree of Woe, Sabin tries a baseball slide but Daniels pulls himself up in a situp. Sabin slides to the floor and Daniels comes off the top with a HUGE dive to take Sabin out.

STO puts Sabin down and he puts Sabin up on the top. A kind of sitout slam off the top gets two. Release Rock Bottom looks to set up the BME but Sabin kicks him in the head to break the momentum. A springboard DDT gets two for Sabin. I can’t say Chris because it might get a bit confusing so I’m sorry for constantly using the same two names. Roaring Elbow misses for Sabin and Daniels hits a running enziguri.

He tries a rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two. Sabin goes up for another DDT but jumps into a Death Valley Driver. BME hits but only gets two. Angel’s Wings is countered and Sabin hits a dragon screw leg whip. Cradle Shock is countered into a crucifix for two. Sabin loads up something that looks like the start of a Razor’s Edge but Daniels rolls out of it and hooks Sabin’s feet for the rollup pin.

Rating: A-. I don’t usually like Daniels matches but I was WAY into this one. The long running string of counters and both guys knowing each other so well was really working for me. Sabin could fly with the best of them and that’s what he did here. Styles coming out didn’t really need to happen but it only lasted about ten seconds so it wasn’t a huge deal. Really good match here and maybe the best Daniels match I’ve ever seen.

Jerry Lynn comes out post match to demand Sabin shake Daniels’ hand but it’s not happening. Ok yes it is….and there’s the Cradle Shock out of it instead.

We get a clip from Paparazzi Productions where Shelley and Starr say they can give Nash at least 90% out there tonight. Nash says if they follow him, they could have careers like those of Don Kernoodle, George South, Reno Riggins, Lazer Tron, Nelson Royal, George Scott, Porkchop Cash and Italian Stallion. Funny stuff but it probably went over the head of most of the audience.

Paparazzi Productions vs. Ron Killings/Lance Hoyt

No idea why this match is happening but it’s probably something like a squash match with some extra time. Nash is on commentary and talks about defending his X Title in Japan last night after messing up a 375 but winning anyway. Truth and Shelley start things off. They go to a test of strength with Shelley taking the hands down to the mat and stomping on Truth’s fingers.

Killings comes back with his gyrations so Shelley imitates Rick Rude right back at him. Off to Starr who dances some more. This needs to get going. Truth misses a charge and Aries (Starr) dances again. Truth hits the first big move in the four minutes this match has been running in the form of a powerslam. Off to Big Lance for some double teaming. Big boot gets two. One armed flapjack puts Austin down.

Hoyt loads up a moonsault but Shelley breaks it up and Lance is put in the Tree of Woe. With Truth trying to come in and distracting the referee, the Paparazzi hit a double neckbreaker while Hoyt is still upside down. Shelly holds the knees down so Starr can hit a slingshot hilo for two. They work on the knee for a bit and a slingshot corkscrew splash gets two.

Shelley comes in and does the jump into the boots spot (missing the feet almost entirely) and there’s the tag to Truth. The fans aren’t all that thrilled here. Truth causes heel miscommunication and hits his suplex into a Stunner spot for two on Shelley. Hoyt comes back in for a modified What’s Up (appropriate no?) and everything breaks down. Hoyt loads up a DVD but the Paparazzi take out the knee. Starr tries a suicide dive to Truth who is on the concrete. Shelley frog splashes the knee and calls for the camera. The delay lets Hoyt roll him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but there was too much dancing for my taste. I don’t know if this was supposed to be a comedy match that just wasn’t funny or what but it didn’t really work. It wasn’t all that bad, but again I don’t think the real idea of what they were going for with Nash and the X guys ever made much sense.

We recap Christian vs. AJ. Christian debuted a year ago at this show and has never been pinned or submitted despite losing the world title. The loss in King of the Mountain made him turn heel. AJ got tired of his whining so here’s a match between them.

Christian says he doesn’t make mistakes and talks about AJ jumping him during the preshow because AJ needs an advantage to have a chance. Christian faces his challengers like a man and JB rolls his eyes. Cage doesn’t like that but cuts himself off from yelling. AJ is #1 on Christian’s hit list and we hear about how awesome Christian has been lately.

Christian Cage vs. AJ Styles

I miss Christian’s ridiculous costumes. AJ is looking extra jacked here for some reason. The fans are split as you would expect. They lock up and roll around the ropes as they jockey for position. They fight over control on the mat now using technical stuff which is always fun to see. Since no one can really get an advantage there, AJ slaps him in the face. AJ does the drop down into the dropkick and Christian is getting frustrated.

Christian shoulder blocks him down and it’s a stalemate. The crowd is extra loud for this one. Now AJ runs him over with a shoulder of his own for two. The fans chant CLB and Christian takes over a bit, using an elbow and some chops. Full nelson attempt fails and the Unprettier gets the same result. AJ sets for the Clash but Christian bails to the floor. He goes for a chair but Slick Johnson stops him.

Back in AJ hits a flapjack for two as things speed up. Christian heads to the floor again to slow things down but AJ hits a huge dive to take him out. His legs hit the railing as well though with a sick sound. Back inside that gets two and Styles is wincing from the leg. Christian slides back outside again and gets kicked into the barricade, but as AJ tries a slingshot dive, Christian hooks his feet to send AJ crashing legs first into the apron and shift momentum.

Off to a chinlock with Christian’s knee in AJ’s back, followed by the reverse DDT into a backbreaker for two. I’m not sure why he’s working on the back instead of the knee. Back to the chinlock and Christian puts him on the mat. AJ does the always cool nipup into the rana for two. He misses a splash in the corner though and walks into a belly to back suplex for two. Back to the chinlock but AJ elbows up and hits the fireman’s carry flip onto the knee.

A Low Down misses and both guys are down. Now Christian goes up but AJ snaps off a rana to put both guys down again. They slap it out and AJ starts his comeback. Dropkick sets up a knee drop for two. The springboard into the DDT gets two and Styles goes up. He jumps over Christian but runs into a spear for two. Unprettier and Styles Clash are both countered but the Pele connects for two. AJ tries a springboard rana but gets caught in a powerbomb for a pair of twos. Christian throws in a chair but Daniels runs out to pull it out. It’s a tug of war and AJ tries a sunset flip, but Christian drops down onto him for the pin.

Rating: B. This was a pretty solid match and the ending played into the angle from earlier and also would further the angle that AJ was going into around this time. Christian basically got a clean win here as the chair had been dropped by the time the cover happened. As usual, at the end of the day just putting on a good wrestling match is the best thing you can do.

Daniels and AJ almost get into a fight but the X guys and Rhyno come out. Rhyno wants a mic and says that he and Christian used to be friends but started fighting, and it started just like this. He wants a handshake but AJ says if he needs a psychiatrist, he’ll call Dr. Phil.

AMW says they’re not worried about LAX and says that Gail Kim is a tough mamacita. LAX wants to burn a flag and AMW isn’t cool with that. Gail looks REALLY good in blue. Storm says a lot of racist things and their match is up next.

We recap the tag title match which is what I just explained.

Tag Titles: LAX vs. America’s Most Wanted

LAX has the titles. Konnan says TNA and Cornette can’t stop him from burning the flag tonight or there’s going to be a lawsuit. AMW jumps them and the brawl starts on the floor. I think the match has started but I’m not really sure. AMW double teams Homicide in the ring and throws him on top of Hernandez on the floor. Things settle down with Harris vs. Hernandez. Harris pounds him down but can’t hang with the power so it’s off to Homicide.

Hernandez comes back in very quickly and hooks a one arm chinlock. The champs tag very quickly as Homicide chops on Harris so Hernandez can choke him on the floor. Off to a Homicide chinlock which sounds like police jargon. Harris comes back with a spinebuster and both guys are down. Storm (looking really strange without the beard) starts a USA chant before he gets the hot tag.

Hernandez throws him over the top but Storm skins the cat and comes back with a headscissors. James has to fight both of them at once and Harris saves him from the Border Toss. Harris comes in and hits something like a hybrid between a Thesz Press and a shoulder block to take SuperMex down. Suplex gets two. Homicide runs in for a tornado DDT to take Harris down.

Storm comes in but I don’t think there was a tag. That brazen cheater. AMW loads up the Death Sentence but Hernandez makes the save. He goes up top and grabs Harris by the throat, throwing him over his head in a choking belly to belly superplex for two. Hernandez hits a powerbomb to set up a Homicide frog splash for two.

Gringo Killa is escaped and AMW hits something like a Hart Attack for two. Enziguri from Storm to Hernandez and Harris adds a top rope clothesline to take the big guy down. Death Sentence hits but Konnan has the referee. Homicide comes in with the blowtorch for the flag to the back of Storm’s head for the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: B-. This was much more of a brawl than a match and based on the story, that’s what it should have been. AMW wasn’t going to be around much longer but they were still a name, so having them put over the hot new team of LAX was probably the best thing they could have been used for. Fun stuff here.

Post match LAX goes to beat up Gail but Petey Williams comes out for the save as AMW gets back up. Jim Cornette comes out and says the titles are stripped. That would be overturned and the belts would be returned on Thursday. The title reign was considered one continuous run. Since this is Cornette, it takes a few minutes to get through that, including a big patriotism speech. The fans HATE this decision too. If they don’t give up the belts by Thursday, they’re fired.

Mitchell says he’s going to send Abyss into Sting’s mind to break his will.

We recap the world title match. Sting won the title from Jarrett last month and promised to bring honor to the title, because that’s what Sting does. Abyss is on a monster rampage through the company and it’s up to Sting to stop him. The Monster won the Fight for the Right tournament, which very well may have been the dumbest idea in TNA history. It’s better that you don’t know, but it involved a battle royal where you got in the ring, then got out of the ring, then had a regular match, triple threats and a singles match, including a title match in there somewhere I believe.

Mike says Sting has the decided experience advantage. How is that a decision? It’s fact.

NWA World Title: Sting vs. Abyss

Mitchell, Abyss’ manager, has stolen Sting’s bat to show how personal this is. Sting is actually in regular tights here instead of his usual garb. He jumps Abyss before the big match intros and hits him with the bat to send him to the outside. They go into the crowd and Sting sends him into the wall. All champion so far. Back to ringside and AS ALWAYS, Sting’s splash to an opponent laying on the railing misses.

Abyss hits him in the back with a chair and sets up a table next to the stage. Make that two tables and a pair of conveniently placed barbed wire boards. Sting fights back on the ramp and they brawl back to ringside. They haven’t been in the ring yet at all other than about 10 seconds. Now they get in and Abyss hooks a neck crank. Sting fights him off and hits a pair of Stinger Splashes before going for the knee.

Sting goes up and knocks a charging Abyss down, followed up by a top rope splash for two. Abyss gets up a big boot and Mitchell hands him the belt. Sting avoids the shot and here’s the Scorpion. Abyss makes the rope and Sting grabs the belt, only to walk into a Black Hole Slam for two. A chokeslam is broken up but the referee gets bumped. Abyss gets the bag of tacks but Sting gets the bat. A bat shot takes Abyss down and the Death Drop should get the pin but Mitchell pulls the referee to the floor.

Now Sting gets the bag of tacks and pours them out, but because this is a wrestling match he gets chokeslammed down onto them for two. Sting Hulks Up and drop toeholds Abyss face first into the tacks. He hooks the WORST Scorpion ever and Abyss taps but Mitchell has the referee. Mitchell goes into the Scorpion and the guys head to the floor. Sting hits Abyss with the chair and then wraps the repel cord (why is that there?) around Abyss’ leg. He pulls the cord up to hang Abyss upside down so he can beat him with a chair while Abyss is defenseless, including one to the face. I really don’t need to see Abyss’ underwear.

Sting lets him down and they go up the ramp towards the boards on the table. The referee yells at Sting and gets clotheslined….AND THAT’S A DQ. Not the HANGING OF ABYSS AND BEATING HIM WITH A CHAIR, not chokeslamming Sting onto tacks (still in his back), not the bat, but THAT? Oh and the title changes hands on a DQ in TNA, which I don’t think has been mentioned in years but that’s the rule. It never happened before or again that I remember, but it’s the rule.

Rating: D+. What a MESS. As I said, the ending was completely insane and while the title change makes sense, THAT’S WHY THEY DQ HIM??? Not for throwing Abyss through the tables like Sting did, but for hitting a referee? Also, great way to make the monster look like a monster here. I get what they were going for with Sting losing his vow of honor and all that, but man the execution didn’t work.

Abyss is unconscious but gets the belt anyway.

We recap the Angle vs. Joe feud, which is Angle coming in and wanting the best. He headbutted Joe and busted him open to establish this match. Angle was a guest referee at BFG because Jarrett had to be the world champion at the biggest show of the year. Joe jumped Angle at that show. Oh and this isn’t Angle’s first TNA match, as he faced Abyss on a special two hour show. The idea is that Joe is the best in TNA and undefeated. This could have been a long built match, but I can kind of see the idea here. I don’t agree with it, but I can see it.

Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe

The fans immediately chant this is awesome, which is kind of annoying. Feeling out process to start and Kurt goes straight for the ankle. Joe blocks the hold pretty easily and pounds him down onto the ropes. Kurt snaps off the belly to belly and clotheslines Joe to the outside. Joe grabs him in a powerbomb position, pulls him to the outside and swings him into the barricade.

Back in Angle misses a charge, hitting the post shoulder first. Out to the floor and Joe hits the suicide elbow before sending Angle into the steps. Pretty one sided so far. Kurt’s all nice and busted now. That’s a good thing too as he had a big annoying bandage on his head before that. Joe goes right for the cut and rips away at it. Powerslam gets two. Angle gets in some uppercuts but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two.

Kurt’s head is flowing very solid here. Joe loads up the MuscleBuster but Kurt comes back with a front facelock into a tornado DDT, getting two. They slug it out and Joe misses a charge, setting up the Rolling Germans. He tries to release the last one but drops him on his face instead. That gets two and Kurt is all fired up. Joe armdrags his way out of the Slam and hits the MuscleBuster for two.

Angle rolls out of the Clutch and hits the Slam for a very quick two. There go the straps and he hooks the ankle lock. Joe rolls through but can’t break the hold. He pulls Angle down into the Clutch and Kurt is in trouble, but he manages to grab the foot and hook the ankle lock again. The fans are WAY into this. Joe rolls out to send Kurt into the middle rope, but he walks into another Olympic Slam. Kurt puts the straps back up so he can take them back down. Oh MAN he’s serious here. Angle hooks the ankle lock with the grapevine and Joe has to tap.

Rating: B. That’s it? Don’t get me wrong the match was good but this was only about thirteen and a half minutes. Why in the world would you make this match run that short? There are over six minutes left in the show and they cut it that short? It couldn’t be Kurt’s cardio as he was a full time guy less than six months earlier. Good match, but WAY too short.

Joe grabs a mic and says Angle was the better man today. He says if Angle is half the man he thinks he is, Kurt will give him a rematch. Joe sticks out his hand but Angle walks away. Joe says we’ll have to do this the hard way.

Tenay and West talk for a few minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. For a traditional B-level show, this was a really good show. There’s some weak stuff in there but the majority of the big matches worked (odd DQ decisions aside). It wasn’t the home run main event they were hoping for but it was good enough and set up two rematches. This is definitely one of their better shows and is probably worth checking out. Good show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Let’s get this out of the way before they get to Impact tonight and screw it up even worse. I’ll be covering Takeover at first so I don’t get to see how bad things are really going to get, but I can’t wait to see how far down things really go. This is TNA’s biggest show of the year and it amazed me how they managed to screw it up all over again. Let’s get to it.

As usual, they opened with the Ultimate X match for the X-Division Title. This was another match with no story, no reason for the challengers to be in the match other than “we need a bunch of challengers” and no story to the match because it was all about high spots. Tigre Uno successfully defended the title against newcomer Andrew Everett, DJZ and Manik and only separated his shoulder in the process. This was every Ultimate X match you’ve seen before and there was almost nothing setting it apart from the rest of them. I want to like this division but, just like everything else, TNA gives me no reason to and therefore I don’t.

In your first pointless moment of the night, Gregory Helms came out to shake Tigre’s hand. He didn’t say anything about the title, he didn’t attack Tigre, and there’s no indication he’s going to be around anytime in the future. This really could have been saved for Impact….assuming there actually was an Impact taping for Helms to show up on in the future.

In your second pointless moment of the night, Ethan Carter III came out to talk about how awesome he is. This was just a basic promo that accomplished nothing other than killing off a few minutes.

Speaking of killing stuff off, the second match of the night killed off the crowd. It was a 12 man gauntlet match with the winner getting a shot at any title he wanted in the future. Of course this was changed with about two minutes left in the match to being able to challenge for ANY title, because only TNA would think all of its titles are worth anything.

Aside from throwing more people into this match, they decided to give Tyrus the win here. Yes Tyrus, the bodyguard who is most famous as a dancing dinosaur. Tyrus could be played by any given big man but for some reason this is what we’re getting. Not someone interesting. Not someone the fans are going to want to see. Not someone exceptional in the ring. No we’re getting Tyrus, the monster with a cool beard and almost no character whatsoever. The fact that this match was nearly half an hour long made things even worse. There was no way the fans were going to recover from this one and they never did.

It got even better though as Ethan came out and said Tyrus could be the X-Division Champion but Tyrus said he was coming for the World Title. So yes, we’re supposed to care about Tyrus as the next big thing in the main event scene. Let that sink in for a few minutes.

In the match of the night, the Wolves retained the Tag Team Titles over Trevor Lee and Brian Meyers. This was a match with an academic ending but they made sure to keep going with the story instead. I know there’s a logic behind having a rematch for the titles, but the more I think about it the more I wonder if they just did this because they didn’t have anyone else to put in this spot. How bad is it that they actually don’t have anyone else to put into a title match at the biggest show of the year? Who else was going to get this spot? The fact that I can’t answer that is far too telling.

Bobby Roode and Bobby Lashley had a totally decent but totally forgettable match for Roode’s King of the Mountain Title. First of all, they really need to change the name of that belt. The name made sense when there was a King of the Mountain match for the title but now it’s just long and sounds stupid. Lashley lost to Roode again in a feud that isn’t as epic as TNA would like you to believe. I like the idea of Roode as champion but can we get Lashley something? They’re wasting one of the best acts they have and as usual it’s a shame.

Gail Kim retained the Knockouts Title over Awesome Kong and I’m really not sure why. Kong hasn’t had the belt in years and Kim feels like she’s had the belt for years, but for some reason they kept it on Gail. Unless it’s Kong being injured or something, which she allegedly is, I see no reason to not give it to Kong here. Who else is left to fight Gail at this point that she hasn’t already beaten at least once?

Eric Young kept injuring Kurt Angle’s neck but Angle won again because he’s Kurt Angle and therefore he must be pushed at all costs. Angle is indeed a legend but at some point it would be nice to see him put someone over on his back, even if it is Eric Young.

And then there’s the main event. Here’s the thing: I get the idea they were going for but at the end of the day it’s a bad one. Matt Hardy is one of the worst options I can think of to actually put the title on. I read a line Sunday night that summed this up perfectly: “Just because someone deserves something (and Matt does deserve it, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.” That’s exactly what happened here and it wasn’t even a great match to get there.

The stuff with Jeff Hardy didn’t go anywhere and it really felt like they were just catering to the few hundred people in the live audience. It’s a really bad sign when that’s the best you can do for the biggest show of the year but it’s all they could manage. Matt won the title and is added to the list of the 40+ year old champions who made their name in WWE and are way past their prime in TNA. As usual, some things never change in TNA.

Much like what happened after the show when Matt vacated the title, possibly due to needing to use footage of Ethan as champion from other shows to make slap together Impacts. If that’s the case, let this company die already because it’s never going to get any better.  Why they didn’t just have Ethan retain in that case is beyond me, but  I’m sure it makes sense to TNA.

Overall, Bound For Glory was another example of everything wrong with this company. Nonsensical booking, so-so wrestling and a big stupid ending to the whole thing that appeals to the minority instead of the masses that they need to cater towards. Impact is going to be REALLY interesting this week, but we’re likely stuck with a bunch of pre-taped stuff that isn’t time sensitive and that no one is really interested in seeing. But hey, everything is ok because ANYTHING from TNA is worth watching right?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Bound For Glory 2015
Date: October 4, 2015
Location: Cabarrus Arena and Events Center, Concord, North Carolina
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s TNA’s biggest show of the year and they’ve had all of two weeks to set it up. Well save for the main event which was changed with two minutes to go on the final episode of Impact. It’s hard to guess what to expect here but it could range from a fun show to another disaster for the company on what could be their last pay per view ever. Let’s get to it.

It’s a basic opening video with all of the matches getting a quick recap and a voiceover saying they’re all bound for glory.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Manik vs. DJZ vs. Andrew Everett

Tigre Uno is defending and this is Ultimate X, meaning the title is hung from the structure above the ring and whoever pulls it down wins. It’s a big brawl to start as you can see the arena looking mostly dark, likely hiding a small crowd. Everyone is running all over the place with no flow or story to start. DJZ clotheslines Everett down but it’s Tigre sending the challengers to the floor, only to have Manik break up a dive.

DJZ comes back in and tries a dive of his own, which the camera misses. They saw him dive, but the crash is lost to the ages. Tigre and Everett’s dives are at least seen but Manik breaks up Everett’s climb attempt with some rolling suplexes. Manik and DJZ plant Tigre with a double facebuster but neither is able to get the belt down. Tigre comes back in with a reverse suplex into a Stunner on Everett, only to have Manik break up his attempt at the title.

Everett crushes the champ with a 630 for the big spot of the match. Not to be outdone, Tigre kicks DJZ to the floor and busts out a 450 from the top to the floor. Everett climbs on top of the ropes and walks across using the structure for balance but Tigre crawls over to kick him in the ribs for a big crash, allowing Tigre to retain at 9:42.

Rating: C+. It was fun and full of big spots but there’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Tigre winning is a good idea, but can we please get him a story? The only thing he’s had since he won the title was the joke with Donald Trump which was at least mildly entertaining as we got to hear something about him. Unfortunately, he’s never had anything in the ring to get people interested and it’s hurting things.

Post match here’s the debuting Gregory Helms to……raise Tigre’s arm. No attack or challenge or anything. One might think Helms vs. Uno could have been a good match for the title here but why have something interesting when you can have a gimmick instead?

The three people in the main event arrived earlier.

Here’s Ethan Carter III to complain about the main event being turned into a triple threat by the hands of his great Aunt Dixie. He rips on his opponents with Drew standing up for wrestling and Matt for already losing two title shots. Ethan has Bound for Glory in his blood but he’s beyond greatness. This was total and complete filler because they only booked seven matches on the biggest show of the year.

Bound For Gold Gauntlet Match

This is your standard gauntlet match, meaning a mini Royal Rumble but the final two will have a one on one match with the winner getting a future World Title shot. Mr. Anderson is in at #1 and his mic doesn’t drop. The guy has one aspect to his whole character and TNA managed to screw that up. Jesse Godderz is in at #2. They shake hands to start and Anderson scores with some armdrags. A gorilla press sends him into the corner though so Anderson offers another handshake.

Jesse catches the boot to the ribs but Anderson is waiting with a thumb to the eye. Eli Drake (minus the He-Man chest gear) is in at #3 and the heels double team Anderson. Mr. finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s Al Snow (an unannounced name) in at #4. Al does all of his usual stuff including the trapping headbutts on Godderz. Jesse clotheslines Eli but gets dropkicked by Anderson.

Snow and Anderson clean house but don’t eliminate anyone until Aiden O’Shea (formerly known as Jay Bradley) is in at #5. He’s billed as a thug and looks like as a Sheamus knockoff. O’Shea hammers away and it’s Robbie E. (with no entrance video) in at #6. No eliminations yet. Robbie and Al form an awkward alliance to clean house until Snow punches Robbie in the face. A shot from Head eliminates Drake and it’s Mahabali Shera in at #7. Shera cleans house but stops to dance. As in the whole match stops for a dance party.

O’Shea finally remembers that he’s a brawler and starts fighting again, only to get clotheslined out to the floor. Tyrus is in at #8 and house is cleaned again. Everyone tries to slow the monster down and it’s Chris Melendez in at #9. Melendez kicks a few people with the combat boot until Tyrus puts out Melendez and Snow with ease. Shera is out as well and it’s Tommy Dreamer, in yellow polka dot pants, is in at #10. We currently have Dreamer, Tyrus, Robbie, Anderson and Jesse Godderz.

Dreamer gets in a low blow and cross body to put Tyrus down but Jesse dropkicks him in the face. Abyss is in at #11 and chokeslams Robbie. We get the showdown of the giants but since they haven’t ripped off a WWE gag in a long time, Pope jumps off commentary to enter at #12. Pope looks at Abyss and Tyrus, turns around and eliminates himself. Well at least it was funny. Dreamer and Anderson load up superplexes but Abyss and Tyrus turn them into Towers of Doom in a nice spot. Totally scripted looking but nice.

Abyss and Tyrus do another big staredown and it’s Tyrus getting the elimination, only to eat a double DDT from Dreamer and Robbie. Jesse and Robbie fight to the apron with Godderz grabbing a headscissors for the elimination. Anderson Mic Checks Dreamer and throws him out so it’s Anderson vs. Godderz vs. Tyrus. Another Mic Check lets Anderson eliminate Jesse so it’s Anderson vs. Tyrus in a regular match won by pin or submission.

Anderson picks Tyrus up for the Regal roll for two as Josh mentions that the winner of this can challenge for ANY title they want. That’s a new rule for the match and Pope immediately asks why you would want to try for any other title. Anderson tries another slam but Tyrus grabs a quick slam and drops a splash for the pin at 24:30.

Rating: D. It wasn’t horrible but it was clear that they were just filling in as much time as they could. On top of that, I’m supposed to get hyped up (potentially since TNA changes rules with thirty seconds to go in the match) for Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman playing Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels? That’s the best they’ve got after all this time? I know Shera was stupid but at least he was a fresh name. Their solution is a 42 year old former dancing dinosaur? If that’s the best they can do, they’re in more trouble than anyone else is going to be able to save.

Post match Ethan comes out to say that he and Tyrus will be the next Tag Team Champions but Tyrus says he won this on his own. Therefore, he’s coming for the World Heavyweight Championship of the World.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee

The Wolves are defending after taking the belts back from Meyers and Lee, who won with a Feast or Fired briefcase. Meyers and Lee attack to start but the Wolves take over on Brian with their smooth tandem offense. Brian gets Eddie into the corner and the challengers take over again with some hard stomps and a hair pull. Lee, billed as an internet sensation, pulls Eddie back to the corner and it’s off to Brian for a chinlock.

Meyers starts grabbing the leg before it’s back to Lee for a chinlock of his own. Eddie gets out with a Stunner but Brian breaks up a tag attempt. The chinlockery hour continues as the fans are trying to get into this. Eddie finally breaks free and dives over for the hot tag to Davey.

Everything breaks down and Eddie fights Meyers to the floor, leaving Davey to hit a handspring kick to the face. A t-bone suplex sends Lee outside and the Wolves hit stereo suicide dives in a nice spot. Back inside and Davey’s top rope double stomp gets two on Trevor with Meyers making the save. Lee’s German suplex gets a very close two on Eddie but it’s a hurricanrana to put Lee down, leaving the Wolves to hit something like Chasing the Dragon for the pin on Trevor at 14:03.

Rating: B. That’s probably the match of the night and I could live with that. The Wolves were never in any real jeopardy here but at least they got a good match here. Lee is definitely the class of the team as Meyers is just a guy in tights. The Wolves REALLY need competition at this point and it’s getting repetitive to watch them destroy everyone.

Drew Galloway says he’s in a No DQ match tonight and he’s willing to kill himself to be champion.

King of the Mountain Title: Bobby Roode vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley, wearing a sweat band, is challenging after answering an open challenge on Wednesday. Feeling out process to start with Lashley countering Roode’s wristlock into a headlock. Lashley’s delayed vertical suplex gets two and he easily escapes the Roode Bomb. A German suplex puts Roode down and we hit the chinlock. They seem to have a lot of time to work with here.

Roode comes back with a Blockbuster for two before they trade spinebusters. A running elbow knocks Roode off the apron and he crashes shoulder first into the barricade. Back in and the shoulder acts up, allowing Lashley to score with a powerslam. The spear gets two and a quick Roode Bomb gets the same as we do the completely traditional trading of finishers.

Lashley powers out of the crossface and grabs a Kimura. That goes nowhere either so both guys hit the other’s finisher for two each. They’re just going through the main event tropes here and it’s still not interesting after seeing it for years in WWE. Lashley pops back up and tries another Kimura, only to get countered into another Roode Bomb to retain Roode’s title at 14:17.

Rating: C+. Good match but nowhere near as good as their stuff from the beginning of the year. To be fair though that’s likely due to having no reason to fight each other besides “hey neither of us have a match.” It felt like a WWE style main event match and that’s fine in theory, but doing it for a midcard title that has more issues remembering what it’s called than who is fighting for it holds them back a bit.

Matt Hardy talks about growing up here in North Carolina and says nothing would be sweeter than winning the title in Charlotte. He’ll have to settle for the suburbs but Matt has always been a second rate version of a main event star.

Billy Corgan comes out to show us highlights from Earl Hebner being inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame and a package on Earl’s career.

Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim

Kim is defending and these two have had a long rivalry over the years. Gail gets shoved down to start so she tries a headlock and gets thrown down again. You would think she would learn after the first time but wrestling rarely works that way. Kong nails a big clothesline as JB mentions that no one has had cell phone service in this building all day. Gail’s cross body gets two and the announcers start talking about her celebrity chef husband.

Kong hooks a camel clutch before switching over to a cross armbreaker. Gail rolls out and cranks on a front facelock. Back up and Gail tries something like a reverse Black Widow (as in Gail is upside down), only to have Kong Samoan drop her for two. This is technically fine but really not interesting stuff so far. Kong blocks Gail’s hurricanrana attempt and a middle rope splash gets two.

They head outside with Kong grabbing a chair but Gail’s husband Robert Irvine yells at her to break it up. As Hebner tells Irvine to sit down, Kong gives Gail a release Implant Buster onto the chair. The spinning back fist gets two back inside but Gail gets out of the middle rope Implant Buster with a kick to the head. More kicks set up Eat Defeat to retain Gail’s title at 10:05.

Rating: C+. Well sure why not. Gail can now head over to the other stories in the division and bore us against all of them for a change. This was their usual good match but I have no idea why Kong didn’t get the title back here as there’s really nothing left to see Gail do in the division and Kong hasn’t held the belt in years.

Jeff Hardy tells the creatures to mount up because nothing can save EC3.

Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle

This is a result of Young hurting Angle and Kurt coming back from injury to fight the crazy Eric. With no build, this is announced as a No DQ match. Young says he has no issue with crippling Kurt and taking away his livelihood but Kurt says this has been made No DQ, which the announcers already said. They head to the floor almost immediately with Angle in control, only to take it back in for a big belly to belly for two.

Young comes back with a piledriver and Angle rolls to the floor holding his head and neck. The match basically stops as medics come out to look at Angle. Kurt starts walking to the back but Young breaks it up and attacks the medics. Young throws Kurt back inside and hits him in the head with a chair. They head outside again and Angle grabs a German suplex to block a piledriver on the exposed concrete.

Back in and Kurt’s neck gives out again but he’s still able to flip Young off and roll some Germans. The Angle Slam gets two but Young pops up and sends him hard into the post twice in a row. The top rope elbow gets no cover as Young goes up for a second elbow drop to the back. Eric gets really evil and loads up a super piledriver, only to have Angle backdrop him out and grab the ankle lock. For some reason he lets go of the grapevine though and Eric gets the rope, only to have him pull Young back in for the grapevine again, making Young tap at 13:09.

Rating: D+. Well so much for Eric’s career and ALL HAIL KURT FREAKING ANGLE BECAUSE HE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER. This is TNA’s biggest problem in a nutshell: they’ve built Young up as this killer and then they have Angle come in and beat him despite Angle leaving in three months. All hail the old guys and screw anyone who might get over by getting a big win over them because that’s how TNA rolls: it’s all about people in their 40s and making sure they look as amazing as they can for one last payday because TNA’s future will take care of itself.

The announcers preview the main event a bit.

Video on the main event and of course the audio messes up. These jokes write themselves.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Drew Galloway

Carter is defending and Jeff Hardy, Carter’s former employee, is guest referee. As usual, JB says Drew is standing when he’s kneeling. Tyrus tries to cheat thirty seconds in and gets ejected. Matt and Drew take turns punching Ethan in the corner and a clothesline puts the champ on the floor. Drew goes after Matt with some forearms to the back and a big headbutt as Ethan comes back in.

Carter knocks Matt out to the floor and stops to yell at Jeff for no apparent reason. A cravate slows Drew down but they trade cross bodies to drop both guys. Everyone gets back in but Matt and Ethan are quickly on the floor, allowing Drew to hit a big flip dive and take Hardy out. It’s table time but Drew picks Ethan up and hits a White Noise onto the steps for a big thud. Matt makes the save and puts Drew on top of Ethan (there’s no count for no apparent reason) for a double stack moonsault.

Ethan runs Jeff over by mistake and walks into the Side Effect but there’s no one to count. Carter is up first and puts Drew on the table at ringside, only to suplex Matt from the apron through Galloway in a big crash. Back in and a TKO gets two on Matt but Drew comes back in and tries to pull Matt off the top. Hardy headbutts him into the Tree of Woe but Ethan comes of to make it a superplex, only to have Drew do a sit up to add a German superplex in an impressive spot.

Matt and Drew slug it out so Ethan gives them both the 1%er at the same time for two each. The fans aren’t even reacting to these near falls and Jeff has barely been a factor so far. Ethan realizes that Jeff needs to get involved so he shoves the referee and demands a DQ. It’s No DQ though so Ethan grabs a chair, only to have Jeff take it away. Ethan slaps him again so Jeff lays Carter out with a Twisting Stunner. Drew adds a running boot and Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Drew for the pin and the title at 20:01.

Rating: C-. THEY ACTUALLY DID IT! They took the stupidest possible outcome of the three and actually went with it because TNA really is that stupid. Matt Hardy lost his two title shots, didn’t get the pin to get into this match, and then wins the title at 41 years old with help from his more popular brother when you have Drew at 30 and Ethan at 32 right there. Instead though, OLD GUYS RULE!

As for the match itself, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. This was your standard triple threat match with some decent action but it didn’t do anything new. Galloway losing makes my head hurt but at least we had a watchable match instead of the disasters we had to sit through last year.

Ethan freaks out on Dixie in the back (because we NEEDED a Dixie cameo) and says she’s dead to him.

Matt’s wife and son get in, along with the Hardys’ dad (who looks like he would rather be ANYWHERE else) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. To recap, Tyrus is 42, Gail Kim and Bobby Roode are 38, Kurt Angle is 46 and Matt Hardy is 41. These people are the winners and therefore bigger stars of the company. That’s your future people. A bunch of people who got famous in WWE (save for Roode) and are probably in the twilights of their careers. Now they’re actually setting up what looks like Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus for a title shot. I mean……yeah I think that speaks for itself actually.

Overall the show was just there. It had its moments and some good matches here and there, but that gauntlet just killed anything they could have gotten going. It was long, dull, and had a lame ending that not a lot of people wanted to see. The main event wasn’t bad and the Tag Team Title match worked, but nothing on here felt like a big match. A good chunk of that is due to how little time they had to build, but instead TNA decided their best bet to stay on TV was to have their all-star team beat a bunch of rookies and castoffs.

Matt winning the title was a fun moment but it’s really stupid when they’re in the position they’re in. TNA needs someone that fans can get behind and going off of a “HE FINALLY DID IT” moment isn’t going to make that work. This was much more about however many people they could find to accept free tickets tonight and not looking forward to the future, which has always been one of TNA’s biggest problems.

This show did nothing to make me think TNA has hope going forward and it was the same bunch of problems they’ve had for years now. Off to India like nothing is wrong though, because that’s the TNA mindset: shrug it off and pretend there are no problems while you get thrown off of yet another network because fewer and fewer people want to watch this nonsense.

Oh and in case you’re wondering: there was no mystery third announcer. Not mentioned, not referenced, not that it matters.

Results

Tigre Uno b. DJZ, Andrew Everett and Manik – Uno pulled down the title

Tyrus won a gauntlet match last eliminating Mr. Anderson

Wolves b. Brian Meyers/Trevor Lee – Brainbuster to Lee

Bobby Roode b. Bobby Lashley – Roode Bomb

Gail Kim b. Awesome Kong – Eat Defeat

Kurt Angle b. Eric Young – Ankle lock

Matt Hardy b. Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III – Twist of Fate to Galloway

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Knockouts Knockdown III
Date: July 1, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Rockstar Spud

I’m finally getting back to these things after a few months away. Not because they didn’t air them or anything but because they’re hard to find. Can you blame people for not wanting to put them up though? It’s another series of qualifying matches for a big gauntlet match to end the show because that’s all these things know how to do. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is standard stuff that you would expect here. I’m thinking the “standard” part is going to be a recurring theme here.

Christy Hemme and Jeremy Borash are in the ring to open the show and explain the concept. This brings out the BroMans to judge the women who will be challenging the Knockouts because they need to fill in time. Jesse is dating Angelina Love and Robbie has dumped Brooke and gotten Velvet Sky fired. He’s single and ready to mingle. The crowd on the other hand sounds like they’re ready to go to a funeral.

After ejecting Christy and JB, Robbie brings out the aspiring Knockouts, lead by Mia Yim (Jade), making this even more dated than it already was. Jesse is handling the interviewing, starting with Mia, whose dream for tonight involves Jesse himself. She thinks of slapping him off the top two years ago, but Jesse says it didn’t count because his mom didn’t see it. Next up is Alisha from Boston, who keeps correcting Jesse that it’s Alisha, not Alicia. She’s better known as Alexxis Neveah and isn’t interested in going home with either BroMan tonight (probably because she’s married to Eddie Edwards).

Su Yung is from Seattle and is asked for her drink of choice. From Starbucks, you start with shots of vanilla and carmel, plus fat free, low calorie soy milk. Much like the other two, Robbie isn’t interested in taking a picture with her due to her taste in milk. Next up is someone Robbie has a crush on: Thea Trinidad, formerly known as Rosita. Robbie bends over to pick up his selfie stick but Thea thinks it’s disgusting. No picture, but then again you’re not aspiring when you’re a former champion in the company.

Solo Darling and her furry ears implies that Jesse and Robbie are a couple and thinks adorable is a number. Laura Dennis (Cherry Bomb) lives by the code of sex, weights and protein shakes, which is finally enough to get a picture with the team. Finally we have Mary Kate from Tampa says she didn’t come here to play games with these buffoons, but she kisses Robbie for a potential advantage in her match. Robbie: “I LIKE HER!!! I WANT TO MARRY HER!!!” DJZ announces the matches for tonight but I’ll leave those for a surprise. Each of the opponents comes out to drag this even further.

This segment ran twenty five minutes, out of a show that runs less than two hours and forty five minutes.

Clips of Gail Kim winning the first competition in 2013.

Clips of Madison Rayne winning the competition last year.

Madison asks Christy Hemme about her family but cuts her off because Madison doesn’t care. She promises to win tonight and get her crown back.

Madison Rayne vs. Alisha

Before the match, Madison tells Earl Hebner to hang on a second. Madison asks Alisha what her name is but doesn’t care to hear it. The crown belong to her so Alisha doesn’t even need to look that way. The opening bell rings over thirty two minutes into the show. A quick rollup gets two on Madison and Alisha sends her into the corner, prompting a demand for a timeout. Alisha hammers away as the commentators have set a record by staying on topic for the first two minutes of a match.

Rayne gets sent outside for a breather before getting two off a rollup of her own. This isn’t the most thrilling stuff in the world so far. Madison slams Alisha’s face into the mat in her signature way before they hit cross bodies at the same time. Madison takes over again with a kick to the head but stops to yell at Hebner, allowing Alisha to get two more off a rollup. Back up and Madison grabs a rollup (and trunks) for the pin to advance to the gauntlet main event.

Rating: D. Oh man this is going to be a long night. Madison is great as the evil stuck up character but I have a bad feeling we’re going to have a bunch of clones fighting the Knockouts. That doesn’t make things interesting because it makes the rest of the card feel like a waste of the time before we find out which Knockout is chosen to win tonight.

Thea Trinidad says she’s been in TNA before (thank goodness) and she’s here tonight get some revenge on Angelina Love for past issues. She talks about the Hardys and Tommy Dreamer mentoring her and this again feels like filling in time.

Angelina Love, with boyfriend Jesse Godderz, says she’s awesome and will be the Queen of the Knockouts tonight. Rebel and Crazzy Steve come up and honk a horn. Did I mention this was taped a long time ago?

Angelina Love vs. Thea Trinidad

Feeling out process to start until Trinidad gets two off a suplex. Love sends her into the middle rope for some choking, followed by some backbreakers for two. A quickly broken chinlock is countered into a small package to give Thea two. Love comes right back with a Hennig necksnap and it’s off to a full nelson with the legs. Back up and Thea kicks her in the face for two, Matrixes away from a kick, and totally botches a bulldog.

After copying three of Trish Stratus’ signature moves (minus the springboard on the bulldog), Thea connects with a moonsault but Jesse gets on the apron for a distraction. Cue Crazzy Steve to pull him off though, allowing Thea to knock Angelina off the apron and out onto Godderz. Apparently that one crash is enough for the countout to advance Trinidad.

Rating: D. So we had to sit through seven and a half minutes to get to part of the Menagerie causing a countout because Love can get knocked down for ten seconds off what was basically a high cross body. Unfortunately I’d assume we’re using this to set up a tag match later in the show because they have no idea how to fill in two and a half hours on a Knockouts show.

Post match Robbie and DJZ come in to help with the beatdown so here’s Knux for the save to set up the six person tag for later. Oh and it’s elimination rules to make it even longer.

Gail Kim, who is pro women’s wrestling, says this is her favorite show of the year. She wants the crown.

Gail Kim vs. Laura Dennis

Before the match, Gail brings up Laura answering an open challenge back in 2013. Gail offers a handshake but Laura pulls her into for a cheap shot to take over early. That’s more personality than the other two have shown so far. Gail avoids a charge in the corner though and sends her face first into the buckle, setting up the figure four around the post. Well she is Canadian after all.

Dennis crawls up the ramp so Gail can’t dive on her. Back in and Laura gets in a knee to the ribs to take over again before busting out some Cattle Mutilation. Gail rolls out of that and ties up the arm while bending Laura’s leg over her shoulder to make it kind of a half crab. The hold looks too awesome to keep it on very long so Gail hits a Stinger Splash and the running cross body to the ribs for two. Eat Defeat puts Dennis away.

Rating: C-. I have a feeling this isn’t getting topped tonight. As you might expect, the most talented in ring Knockout there is and the one who has been wrestling for ten years had a good match. Dennis was solid enough out there, but like I’ve said too often tonight, I can’t get much out of them in a seven minute match and a quick promo.

Quick Knockouts music video. Nice job on showing Taryn in her Dollhouse gimmick after showing her as the old version in the arena.

Havok wants to fight Amazing Kong. Yes Amazing.

Solo Darling vs. Havok

Darling has furry ears and a long tail. Heaven help me she’s wrestling with the tail on. Havok throws her around to start and it’s time to talk about Spud’s pajamas. Solo’s right hands to the stomach have no effect so Havok puts on a weak full nelson. A backbreaker sets up some choking in the corner, followed by some hard running kicks to the jaw. Solo avoids another kick and comes back with some of the lamest shots to the ribs that I’ve ever seen. Havok’s powerbomb is countered with a hurricanrana but a chokeslam ends Darling in a hurry.

Rating: D. Just a squash here but Darling’s offense looked pathetic. To be fair though this was back when Havok was interesting (and employed) so it was cool to see her built up as someone who could fight Kong in a big showdown. Ignore the fact that the showdown wound up being lame of course. Finally, what was up with the tail? I mean…..actually no. I don’t want to know.

Post match Kong’s music sounds like it’s starting but Havok says they’ll fight tonight.

And now, since filling in two hours and forty minutes when you have music videos, interviews and a twenty five minute promo, here’s a fifteen minute match from Impact on November 19, 2014.

Knockouts Title: Havok vs. Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell

Havok is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The challengers go right at Havok but get dropped with a double clothesline. Havok throws Gail onto Taryn and then sends her shoulder first into the post. A spinebuster plants Taryn but Gail tries AJ Lee’s Black Widow on the champ. Havok is in trouble and Taryn adds an Indian Deathlock for good measure. Somehow Havok powers out of it and they all fight to the floor with Havok catching Terrell, only to have Gail dive on both of them as we take a break.

Back with Havok still on the floor and Taryn rolling Gail up for two. A running flip neckbreaker puts Gail down again but Havok pulls Taryn from the ring and drops her throat first across the barricade. Gail heads outside also but gets spinebustered onto the floor. Back in and Havok splashes both girls for two but Gail is up first and drapes Havok across the top rope.

A kind of Fameasser from the top puts Havok on the floor but Taryn jumps Gail from behind. Terrell takes her to the top but Havok comes back in to make it a Tower of Doom. The champ stacks them up again but misses a middle rope splash. Taryn and Gail break out of a double chokeslam attempt and hammer away until Gail scores with a DDT. A cross body gets two each before Eat Defeat and an RKO get two for Terrell. Gail rolls up Taryn but gets caught in a sunset flip to give Terrell the title at 14:32.

Rating: B-. This was the best Knockouts match in awhile but it doesn’t mean what TNA wants it to be. First of all, as mentioned, Havok has won something like five matches in TNA over the course of six weeks with one of those being a battle royal. That’s hardly taking the title off Roode after seven months. Also, Terrell pinned Gail, which likely sets up a showdown later. It’s a good match but nowhere near the moment they were hoping for.

Taryn says she wants the crown. These promos have been the exact same thing every time.

Su Yung vs. Taryn Terrell

Yung dances to the ring and freaks out that she’s actually getting to face Terrell. So she’s Bayley’s original character. Feeling out process to start with Taryn grabbing a headlock followed by a shoulder block. Taryn slams her down a few times so Yung shakes her hand in thanks. A monkey flip sends Su down as this is one sided so far. Yung gets in some of her first offense by putting Taryn in the Tree of Woe for some running dropkicks to the ribs. That’s about it for Su though as she gets slammed off the top, followed by a missile dropkick and high cross body for two. The Hot Mess (RKO) sends Taryn to the gauntlet.

Rating: D+. It’s hard to argue with find fault when I have to look at Taryn Terrell for a few minutes. Young had more charisma than any jobber not named Cherry Bomb yet and that made the match a lot easier to sit through. However, it’s still a pretty lame match as we’re merely killing time before the gauntlet match.

Speaking of killing time, here’s a history of the Knockouts Title video.

Brooke makes fun of Robbie E. and says she wants the crown.

Brooke vs. Mia Yim

First bad sign here: the announcers call Mia by her new name of Jade, even though no one had called her that on this show. That’s the extent of talk about Mia though, as they switch over to talking about Brooke’s figure. A fall away slam sends Brooke flying to start and Mia gives her a quick Stink Face. Oh yeah we have a theme here.

Mia channels her inner Kevin Owens by telling the crowd to get ready before slapping on a regular chinlock. Brooke avoids a running book in the corner but stops to shake her hips, giving the announcers a new reason to talk about her. After a quickly broken surfboard, Mia misses a Cannonball in the corner, allowing Brooke to come off the top with a mostly missing hurricanrana. Another Stink Face sets up the Tesshocker to give us another full time Knockout in the gauntlet.

Rating: D. Comedy match without the comedy here as the main roster Knockouts’ dominance is getting really old by now. As has been the case with everything else on this show, the squash matches have felt like a way to kill time because they have nothing else to do. Mia is talented but there’s nothing she can do in a five minute comedy match.

Video on Awesome Kong (not Amazing Havok) being dominant.

Awesome Kong vs. Mary Kate

You might remember Mary Kate as Rosie Lottalove, though she’s since lost well over 120lbs and looks far better. Before the match, Mary talks about talking out Knockouts in her first run (meaning she was so big and horrible in the ring that she injured Daffney) but now she’s here to dominate. It makes sense as everyone else seems to be here to do exactly that.

They test out power to start with Mary forearming Kong in the back. We get a test of strength and Kong takes over almost instantly. They slug it out with Mary actually getting in some shots and putting Kong down with a dropkick. Kong shrugs it all off though and takes Mary’s head off with a spinning backfist, followed by a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m rating this higher because of the remarkable weight loss for Mary and that spinning backfist, which knocked Mary’s head off. They’re not really hiding the fact that Kong is the one to beat in the gauntlet match so why bother pretending that they’re going with anything else?

Havok and Kong stare each other down in the aisle.

We recap the six person elimination tag being set up earlier tonight.

Menagerie vs. Angelina Love/BroMans

It’s Crazzy Steve/Knux/Rebel for the carnival freaks. Robbie starts with a war/rain dance, followed by a cartwheel. Knux does the same and it’s time for a comedy match to fill in time. Steve gets slammed onto Robbie for two so it’s off to Jesse, who can’t figure out Steve either. Remember a few months ago with Robbie was scared of clowns? Don’t worry because TNA doesn’t either.

Off to the girls (you know, the point of the show) with Angelina scoring with a running knee lift. Rebel fights back with kick to the ribs and a delayed slam, followed by the splits legdrop for the elimination. Jesse runs in to roll Rebel up to tie up a second later, meaning we’re now stuck with the men fighting on the Knockouts show. The good guys take over with Knux slamming Steve on Jesse for two more but some BroMans’ double teaming takes over again.

Robbie’s sleeper slows Knux down but he’s still able to counter a cross body into a powerslam. Steve comes in to clean house, causing Spud to call the clown a crazy fool. Jesse grabs a quick rollup to eliminate Steve, which JB says makes it 3-1. Knux gets rid of Jesse with a cross body (yes a cross body) before a Sister Abigail puts Robbie away.

Rating: D-. I don’t think the men having most of the action in a match on the women’s show really requires that much of an explanation. Rebel continues to be there because of how good she looks in trunks and that’s about it. Love is out of things to do in TNA and there’s no real reason for her to stick around. Granted the same thing is true of the Menagerie, who I actually liked.

In case you haven’t had one in too long, here’s a video of how the Knockouts got to the gauntlet. You know, all but one of the main roster set, with the one aspiring Knockout being a former title holder in TNA.

Gauntlet Match

Royal Rumble style until it’s down to the final two when it’s pin/submission. Thea Trinidad is in at #1 and Gail Kim is in at #2. They trade what would have been rollups had there been covers to start until Gail takes over with a neckbreaker. Madison Rayne is in at #3 after what seemed to be a two minute interval. Some clotheslines put Gail and Thea down to start before choking in the corner kills even more time.

After almost nothing interesting in two minutes, Havok is in at #4. They’re barely doing anything here and it’s borderline depressing. Thea kicks away at Havok but gets dumped as Taryn Terrell is in at #5. Taryn starts cleaning house until they pair off to get this back to dull. Havok rams Gail and Madison together and it’s Brooke in at #6, with Spud wanting us to sing her song. Madison gets eliminated and Gail gets a Stink Face from Brooke. You can ink (not pencil) in Havok vs. Kong as the final from here.

Kong comes in at #7 and if you can’t keep track of who is still in there at this point, you’re beyond my help. Brooke is thrown out almost immediately and Taryn follows her a few seconds later. Gail tries a high cross body to both monsters and gets dumped out with ease. Now it’s one on one with pins or submissions for the win. They trade big shots and Kong scores with a cross body before sitting on Havok’s chest for two. Havok’s choke takedown (you have to go into the air for a slam) gets two and Kong’s chokeslam gets the same. A second chokeslam gives Kong the crown.

Rating: F. We waited two hours for a boring fifteen minute main event with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners. The fact that this might have been their best idea is disturbing and makes these shows even more worthless than the seemed to be in the past. I didn’t think that was possible but as usual, TNA manages to get worse than anyone thought they ever could.

Kong won’t wear the crown and beats up the referee to end the show.

Overall Rating: L. As in a loss, both for and by the Knockouts. This was one of the worst shows that I’ve ever seen, bar none. They completely failed at any of the objectives they were attempting to achieve and made the division look like the least interesting thing in the history of their promotion. On top of that, it was clear that they didn’t even have time to fill in an hour and a half, let alone two hours and forty minutes.

Let’s look at the things they used to fill time here: multiple music videos, a TWENTY FIVE MINUTE OPENING SEGMENT, a fifteen minute match from the previous year (plus an extra three minutes for entrances), a bunch of worthless interviews and recap videos. This show felt like it was nearly half recap/filler and above all else, the BroMans got WAY more time than any of the women with a twenty five minute segment and a ten minute match. Well nearly ten minutes (9:50), or the longest new match on the show by two minutes.

This thing was a disaster and made the entire division look boring and horribly uninteresting. They would have been far better off airing a Best Of show instead because these things aren’t working. It was mainly the same women fighting that we’ve seen for years in some of the worst matches I can remember. Instead of adding time to the matches, the aired an old match and had a long, unfunny comedy segment. I would LOVE to hear someone from TNA defend this mess because I’m convinced it can’t be done.

I know TNA had a bad reputation on a lot of things and some of it is unfair, but then you have something like this and how in the world can you argue for them? How? This is their bright idea for the month and something they think is worthy of airing. Instead of ANOTHER gauntlet/tournament, why not just have the girls go out there and have some long twenty minute matches? TNA loves to brag about how awesome the Knockouts are and this is what they give us. This was unacceptable and easily one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Slammiversary 2015
Date: June 28, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Mike Tenay

This should be an interesting one as the company has already taped the next month’s worth of TV before this show, but at the same time there’s some interesting stuff going on here too. The main event (in theory) is the King of the Mountain match with Jeff Jarrett returning for one more match (allegedly). Let’s get to it.

We open with the highlight package over the years. Of course this means mainly focusing on Sting, Hogan and Angle.

X-Division Title: DJZ vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno

Tigre is defending in an elimination match with Tigre starting fast until he sends everyone to the floor for a big dive. Back in and Manik slams the champ down and we hit a chinlock, basically defeating the purpose of the entire division. DJZ tries to break up a springboard and eats a dropkick to the face for his efforts. Serves him right. Back in and Manik knees DJZ in the face because he’s still not over that broken springboard.

Manik suplexes the champ down but it’s DJZ coming back in with some nice flips and a wristdrag/headscissors combo to take both guys down. A running double knee puts all three guys down and Dinero drops a Contra Code reference. It’s DJZ up first with a modified Tower of Doom as he hits a Sliced Bread off an electric chair, only to have Tigre nail him in the face and hit a twisting split legged moonsault for the elimination at 9:45. Pope referred to it as a move that is difficult to describe.

The champ misses a top rope stomp but gets his knees up to block a splash. His rollup gets two and Manik hits a nice twisting chest buster, followed by a frog splash for two. There’s nothing going on between these spots. Back up and Tigre mostly misses a corkscrew moonsault but it’s enough to put Manik away and retain the title at 12:09.

Rating: C. This was the spotiest spotfest that I’ve seen since…..well since the last Ring of Honor show I saw. Again, there’s no story or reason to have this match other than to say “hey here’s an X-Division Title match”. Tigre is fine as a high flying champion, but they need a story to give us a reason to care about the guy.

Robbie E. says tonight is serious. He’s been here five years (not quite) and it’s time to stop the dancing and being a goof.

We recap the BroMans’ split, which is all about Jesse claiming that it was his work that made the team a success.

Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz

Jesse is officially “The Man”. Before the match they keep up the stalling with Jesse bragging about his success as the fans let him know that they don’t care. Robbie, with new music, cuts him off and beats Jesse up at ringside before doing the same inside. A big backdrop sets up a dive onto Jesse as this is all E. so far.

Godderz finally hits a powerslam on the floor but can’t get Robbie up for what looked like a gutwrench suplex. Instead a backbreaker gets two and we hit the bearhug on Robbie. That goes as far as a bearhug is going to go in 2015 and Robbie comes back with a middle rope cross body.

E. wins a slugout but gets caught in a buckle bomb, only to have a double clothesline put both guys down. This time Jesse’s regular powerbomb gets two and the Adonis Lock (Boston crab) goes on, only to have Robbie make the ropes without too much effort. Robbie comes right back with a reverse DDT for a quick pin at 11:18.

Rating: C-. The match was decent enough with Jesse working on the back and then they just went to the finish out of nowhere. Jesse’s push is now a big waste but at least they’re giving someone young like Robbie a nice push. Now to be fair I can’t imagine them doing anything with it and there’s probably going to be a rematch, which is actually match #5, but this wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. Technically fine, but the story is nothing all that entertaining.

Matt Hardy says he’ll win tonight.

Bram vs. Matt Morgan

Morgan returned as a surprise on Wednesday. Before the match, Matt wants it to be a street fight and Bram is all like “Okey dokey”, but with a British accent. Morgan runs him over to start and they head to the floor to actually make it a fight. Bram comes back with his big metal hook to take over, followed by some trashcan shots to the head. Back in as this match is clearly just more filler.

Morgan calls for a chokeslam but opts to Carbon Footprint a trashcan into Bram’s face. The big man can’t follow up though so Bram goes around the ring to look for a special weapon. He FINALLY picks a few chairs but gets chokeslammed onto one of them for two. That’s it for Morgan though as the Brighter Side of Suffering onto the chair gives Bram the pin at 9:30.

Rating: D+. Well at least they didn’t job Bram. I guess the blueprint part is just physical because this would be REALLY STUPID for Morgan to pick as a stipulation. The match was your standard hardcore brawl as this show continues to feel like a house show that they taped and aired here. Morgan looked fine but I don’t expect him to be back longer than maybe one more appearance at most. Nothing special here, as usual tonight.

Ethan Carter III and Tyrus don’t like JB correcting them. They try to rip his hair off but it’s real. This was basically just a plug for Wednesday’s World Title match.

Austin Aries vs. Davey Richards

The winner gets to pick the stipulation for the fifth match in the Tag Team Title series. Aries takes him down to start but then runs to the corner to hide. They trade some standing switches until Aries bails to the floor to avoid a kick to the head. Back in and Aries plants him with an STO of all things but won’t use the Pendulum Elbow.

A wristlock doesn’t get Aries anywhere as Davey dropkicks him out to the floor for some more stalling. Richards wins a chase and hammers him against the barricade but Austin comes back with a shot of his own, setting up a top rope ax handle to take over. Back in and the slingshot hilo gets two for Austin, followed by a handspring elbow for the same. Some kicks to the chest make Davey growl a bit, allowing him to come back with a kick to the chest and a German suplex.

Aries seems to be looking for a tag, because a guy who has primarily wrestled as a singles guy for years and recently reformed a tag team can’t remember how a one on one match works. Aries takes him to the floor for a big dive and nails a missile dropkick, setting up the Last Chancery.

As usual it doesn’t work (it rarely did when he was a face either) but the brainbuster doesn’t either with Davey countering into a falcon’s arrow for two. They slug it out until Davey throws him into the air for a kick to the chest, followed by the top rope double stomp (to the arm) for two more. Cue Bobby Roode and Eddie Edwards for a distraction, allowing Aries to roll Davey up for the pin at 17:28.

Rating: B. That’s probably going to be the match of the night as we’re definitely in One Night Only territory here. This was a match that didn’t change a thing but at least was entertaining while it lasted. Everyone is trying on this show, but there’s only so much you can do to overcome the power of indifference.

The Dirty Heels pick a 30 minute Iron Man match. In case you hadn’t seen these teams fight enough yet.

Eric Young says he’ll win.

Dollhouse vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong

Before the match the Dollhouse says they’re better looking so they’ll win. Kong is in a full body outfit this time. Taryn chokes Kong to start but all three Dolls are sent into the corner for a big triple splash. They officially start with Jade having no luck against Kong with a Marti having to break up a cover off a splash. Brooke comes in off the hot tag and cleans house before things settle down with Marti taking over.

Back to Jade for a bearhug, which is in no way an excuse to get Brooke’s trunks to ride up. The referee misses a tag to Kong but it goes through a few seconds later, allowing Kong to destroy the Dollhouse (sans Taryn) just like she did before. Brooke clotheslines both of them down as Kong goes after Taryn, leaving Brooke to hit a top rope facebuster (the Butterface Maker. Just go with it) for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: D. No point to the match, basically no Taryn, and just a step above a squash. The Dollhouse is already crumbling but we can get like six years of the Beautiful People. At least it’s not Gail Kim doing her least interesting stuff again, because I don’t think I can handle another major push for her.

Magnus doesn’t hate James Storm even though he wants to. Tonight he has to believe that love is stronger than hate, even if he loves the way hate feels. The devil can’t catch him tonight because he’s already inside. Good line to end this. It makes little sense but good line. Also, you would think that the whole attempted murder thing might have fired Magnus up more.

Long recap of Magnus vs. Storm. Basically Storm was all friendly but was just trying to get Mickie James to join the Revolution but she turned him down so Storm tried to kill her by shoving her in front of a train. Now it’s time for a match.

James Storm vs. Magnus

Unsanctioned so anything goes. They slug it out at ringside to start before heading into the crowd with Magnus taking over. Storm slams him through a table of food and grabs a beer bottle but stops to spit on the announcers, allowing Magnus to come back with right hands. They get back inside with a table being set up but Storm hits him low.

Magnus doesn’t seem to mind as he catapults Storm’s face into the bottom of the table for a unique spot. It’s off to the back of the arena again as a production guy repeatedly tells them that there’s high voltage back there. Magnus is thrown into a box and the video screen goes to a test pattern. That goes nowhere so they head back to the ring with the Eye of the Storm being countered into a powerbomb through the table for two.

Storm comes back with an Orton hanging DDT but stops to set up another table on the floor. Instead of putting Magnus through the table though, Storm yells at Earl Hebner, allowing Magnus to make a comeback. Magnus misses a top rope elbow through the table and crashes onto the concrete. That’s only good for two of course so Storm pulls out some powder.

Magnus comes back for like the tenth time but the powder goes into Earl’s eyes, meaning there’s no count off the Spine Shaker. Instead the Last Call gets two so it’s cowbell time, but Magnus hits another Spine Shaker for two. END THIS ALREADY! Now the cowbell connects and another Last Call gets another two.

Storm sets up two chairs with a piece of barricade bridged between. Magnus superplexes him through the barricade and, say it with me, it gets two. Both guys get bottles and connect at the same time with Storm falling on top for the pin (despite Magnus being on the barricade and therefore his shoulders not being on the mat) at 16:38.

Rating: C+. The match was trying but they went WAY too far and long out there as it was almost a copy of the Rusev vs. Cena match at Payback. Yeah they beat each other up a lot but I lost interest about halfway through. This felt like it was about four matches packed into one, but at least it was a fun brawl. The start was pretty lame though as they were just kind of walking around and trying to figure out what to do.

Drew Galloway says he’ll win, just like the Rising this Wednesday in the final battle with the BDC. Another match that should have aired here.

The audio is screwed up because of the electrical stuff earlier on. Thankfully we’re treated to a long shot of the production crew cleaning up the debris from the previous match and then a shot of the announcers.

Ethan Carter III/Tyrus vs. Mr. Anderson/Lashley

There’s no commentary and Anderson’s mic doesn’t work. It starts up again as Anderson and Carter start things off with Ethan being taken into the corner for a beating and a spear. Lashley can’t quite suplex him over the first time but Tyrus gets in a surprise chokeslam to take over. Tyrus comes in for some shots to the neck as Tenay talks about Anderson and Lashley feuding over the ECW and US Titles.

Anderson comes in with jabs as we’re treated to Pope talking about his time in OVW. His feud down there with Matt Morgan is the least interesting feud that I have ever seen so I wouldn’t brag much about it. Commentary keeps cutting out, leaving us to analyze Carter’s chinlock on Anderson with no guidance. Lashley comes in off the hot tag to clean house again with a running powerslam getting two on Carter. Anderson and Lashley slug away on Tyrus but he (mostly) suplexes them both down. Carter runs back in for the 1%er on Lashley for the pin at 10:12.

Rating: D. Standard Impact main event here but this show has already sucked all the life out of me so I couldn’t get into things. Carter winning is the only logical move here to help set up the title match on Wednesday, even though they already had him pin Lashley and Anderson. It’s almost like this match was thrown together with the best logic they could think and it still wasn’t enough.

The announcers preview King of the Mountain. Jarrett is treated as an invader.

Jarrett says he can’t believe he’s back here but wants to take this to a global level.

King of the Mountain Title: Drew Galloway vs. Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Jarrett

It’s the old Legends/TV/Global Title with a new plate. The rules here aren’t exactly simple. You win by climbing the ladder and hanging the title, but in order to do that you have to earn a fall to be qualified with falls counting anywhere. Whoever is pinned must go to a penalty box for two minutes. We get big match intros with JB saying Drew is standing in the corner to his left. He’s kneeling but close enough. Jarrett is introduced by his old nickname: the King of the Mountain.

Jarrett stands back as everyone brawls to start. It’s Roode going after Jarrett first but eating a backdrop, followed by Young taking a beating as well. Jarrett goes for a strut but Roode rolls him up for a pin to become eligible and to send Jarrett to the penalty box for two minutes. Matt Side Effects Roode for two as Jarrett escapes….only to be covered by Young to become eligible. Everyone brawls inside and get sent into the ladder until Jarrett gets out.

Young hits Jarrett low but gets rolled up by Galloway for a pin. Matt hits a Twist of Fate for a pin on Roode at the same time, sending both Young and Roode to the box at the same time. Only Jarrett is unqualified at this point. Hardy and Galloway fight on the ladder (yeah remember the whole ladder part of this match?) but Jeff shoves them both down and Strokes Galloway for two with Hardy making the save.

Jeff covers Matt for two more as Young and Roode are making a pact in the box. Both guys get out and clean house before stopping to sing O Canada as we flash back ten years. Young tries to turn on Roode and gets Cactus Clotheslined out to the floor. Galloway and Hardy go to the ropes but get powerbombed down by Jarrett, only to have Roode and Young steal pins to keep Jarrett ineligible. It’s a three way fight now with Young vs. Roode vs. Jarrett with Eric getting the best of it and grabbing a guitar, only to have Jeff take it away and knock Bobby silly to become eligible.

Galloway and Hardy get out and fight over possession of the belt but knock each other down, leaving Jarrett to climb up. Young pulls him down with a powerbomb and a piledriver onto a ladder, followed by Roode coming out of the box. Galloway climbs on top of the cage for a big flip dive to put all five guys down. It’s Drew climbing again and Matt pulling him down again. Just to keep up the idea of the match of course. Roode stops Hardy and goes up but Young makes the save with another ladder. Jarrett and Young go up with Jeff hitting a Stroke off the ladders, allowing him to hang the title for the win at 20:56.

Rating: D+. So in case you don’t get it, here’s the story: TNA is freaking out that an invader (who they invited) is going to take a title that they just invented to another company which they basically advertise for free on their TV show. Oh and Jarrett is a face because he’s a legend in TNA and therefore the announcers panicking really doesn’t fit with what’s going on. The match was your standard King of the Mountain mess with the most obvious winner in the history of obvious winners.

Overall Rating: D. That’s the worst part: the show wasn’t even that horrible. It’s in one of the worst categories possible though: the show that didn’t need to exist and underwhelmed. There were some good matches on here and the stories were actually current so it blows last year’s Bound For Glory out of the water, but my goodness this show felt like it was going on for days. It’s not a good show and it’s clear that this company is in complete free fall as they seem to have no idea what they’re supposed to do next.

I know the TV is taped for a month or so, but they really, really need to nail them because this show felt like the last time we’re going to see these guys. With a lot of these people leaving too, things are looking very, very bleak for TNA and they don’t really seem to notice. If Jarrett leaving with a freshly made midcard title for a promotion that has held about four shows is their big story, they’re in major, major trouble.

Results

Tigre Uno b. Manik and DJZ – Corkscrew moonsault to Manik

Robbie E. b. Jesse Godderz – Reverse DDT

Bram b. Matt Morgan – Brighter Side of Suffering onto a chair

Austin Aries b. Davey Richards – Rollup

James Storm b. Magnus – Beer bottle to the head

Tyrus/Ethan Carter III b. Lashley/Mr. Anderson – 1%er to Lashley

Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Hardy, Drew Galloway, Eric Young and Bobby Roode – Jarrett hung the title belt

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Since it’s Memorial Day weekend, Destination America decided not to air a new episode of Impact (EVERYTHING IS FINE!!!).  Instead, they’re airing a completely out of context pay per view from last year.  That’s actually not a horrible idea, but somehow this is the only presentable pay per view they’ve had in the last year.  That’s sad.

Slammiversary 2014
Date: June 15, 2014
Location: College Park Center, Arlington, Texas
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Time for another TNA pay per view which at least has been good in the last few years. The show has had some decent build, but due to a combination of injuries and TNA’s horrific marketing skills, the World Title match has been changed and there was no mention of the X Division Title match on television. The show does look good on paper though and we get the newest Hall of Fame announcement. Let’s get to it.

We open with the trio in the back with MVP saying he’s here to make sure Dixie doesn’t screw things up tonight. MVP can’t be out there with them though because of his knee.

Video on the history of TNA up to this point.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Tigre Uno vs. Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Crazy Steve vs. Manik

Sanada is defending and this is a ladder match. Also keep in mind that Destination X and Option C are coming up soon. Manik dives through the ropes to take out Sanada before the bell. The Wolves follow suit with stereo suicide dives and Steve has apparently knocked Tigre Uno down. Steve gets a ladder from under the ring and uses it to climb back to the apron. Tigre dropkicks him down and mostly misses a corkscrew dive to take everyone out.

Sanada and Manik fight over a ladder in the ring with the champion taking over via a springboard chop to the head. Tigre replaces Manik and kicks Sanada in the back of the head but the Wolves double team him into a German suplex onto the ladder in the corner. Edwards throws in a fresh ladder but Manik dropkicks both of them down. Steve (very popular tonight) comes in for the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot, taking down everyone that comes into the ring.

Manik makes a save but Steve shoves the ladder over, only to have Manik land on the top rope and dive out to knock out the Wolves. Steve goes up again and touches the belt but of course loses his hand eye coordination since this is a ladder match, allowing Sanada to make the save. The ladder is busted so Sanada slams Steve onto it to set up the moonsault. The fans think this is awesome as Tigre enziguris Sanada off a better ladder.

Tigre wedges the broken ladder into the standing one to form a bridge, but the Wolves catch him in a powerbomb/top rope Backstabber combo. The Wolves both go after the belt but Sanada makes the save. Edwards Sanada clothesline each other to the floor and Eddie crashes into the barricade, leaving Davey on top. Manik makes the save and powerbombs Davey onto the bridged ladder in a SCARY landing. Sanada climbs up to retain at 9:40 before someone dies.

Rating: B-. The match was fun but some of those spots looked too dangerous for my taste. Richards getting powerbombed was way too scary looking and I didn’t like how he landed. Hopefully everyone is fine, but I question having people go through a match like this without even giving the match hype on TV.

The announcers explain the World Title situation. For once this is totally beyond their control.

Here’s the trio with MVP on crutches to insult Texas A&M and the fans for booing him. They shouldn’t be so angry at him while he’s here against doctor’s orders. Dixie has gone to the Board of Directors in an estrogen filled moment of insanity, resulting in him being censored. MVP explains the World Title situation to the live crowd and says he won’t be involved in either qualifying match. King and Lashley promise to win their matches, unlike Texas A&M.

Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Lashley

Winner goes to the title match tonight. Lashley quickly takes Joe into the corner but gets enziguried in the other corner to give Joe control. Bobby leapfrogs over the Samoan and clotheslines him down, only to have Joe pound him down with strikes. The Facewash is loaded up but Bobby rolls to the floor to get a breather. You don’t go outside on Joe though and it’s the suicide elbow to take Lashley out again.

Joe gets cocky for a split second and Lashley is able to send him into the steps. Back in and Lashley fights out of the corner Rock Bottom with a swinging neckbreaker for two. A snap suplex sets up a nerve hold on Joe and an elbow to the face stops his comeback cold. Another nerve hold is broken up by a kick to the head and the backsplash gets two. Now the release Rock Bottom looks to set up the Clutch but Lashley drives him into the corner. Joe has to stop himself from running into Earl Hebner, allowing Bobby to nail the spear for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t bad with Lashley getting one of his biggest wins since coming back. Putting Joe in the title match didn’t make a ton of sense after Lashley beat Eric on Thursday so this was the best option all things considered. I’m still not wild on Lashley’s in ring work, especially the spear due to so many people using it, but he could be worse.

The Carters have a party suite above the arena. Dixie thinks Ray will see Ethan’s vicious side tonight. Dixie won’t comment on the meetings she had this week until she’s in the middle of the ring. The only hint she’ll give is that the karma that got to MVP is nothing compared to what’s coming. Spud looks like the Joker.

Magnus vs. Willow

Bram and Abyss are the seconds here. Magnus stomps away in the corner to start and avoids a baseball slide to send Willow into the steps. Back in and a big clothesline gets the same for the Brit. There’s a buckle bomb for good measure and Magnus hammers away on the mask. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Willow fights back with an atomic drop and the legdrop between the legs for two.

The Twist is countered but Magnus runs into two boots in the corner. A middle rope splash gets two for Willow before Magnus avoids the Swanton. Bram tries to interfere but Abyss is right there to hammer away. All four guys start brawling on the floor until Willow goes up top and just jumps backwards onto the Brits.

Now Abyss and Bram fight in the ring with the Monster easily throwing him to the floor. The guys in the match get back in as Bram gets his metal bar, only to be one upped by Janice. They walk up the ramp as Magnus breaks up the Whisper in the Wind, setting up a belly to back suplex into a side slam for the pin on Willow at 10:00.

Rating: C-. This was a mess for the most part but not bad. They would have been better off making this a tag match to get everyone in there, but that seems to be where they’re headed anyway. The Willow gimmick isn’t doing anything for me either as the announcement that it’s Jeff Hardy just killed the whole point of the character.

Here’s Kurt Angle to announce the newest Hall of Fame inductee. Angle talks about how being in the Hall of Fame means you’ve earned respect forever from the boys in the back and the fans. The inductee is……Team 3D in a bit of a surprise. A loud and long WE WANT TABLES chant goes up and we go to a wide shot of the arena for some reason.

Bully can barely get a full sentence out as the fans are chanting WELCOME BACK. They accept the induction because of every single one of the fans. D-Von says he wasn’t going to come back to TNA but if he’s going out, he has to be by Bully’s side after all their history together. Catchphrases and poses close out the segment.

Ethan Carter cuts a good promo about how he’s beaten all the members of the TNA Hall of Fame so tonight he gets to beat the latest. This isn’t Von Erich Country anymore because the Carters have taken over.

Austin Aries vs. Kenny King

Winner goes to the cage match tonight. Aries hits the corner dropkick less than thirty seconds in but King escapes the brainbuster and gets to the floor. The top rope ax handle puts King down again but King crotches him on top to get a breather. A dropkick puts Austin on the floor and King sends him hard into the barricade for good measure.

They head inside again with King hammering away before putting on something like a seated abdominal stretch. Aries fights up and smacks King’s ears to put him on the floor, setting up a suicide dive. King is thrown back inside so Aries can ram him over and over into the buckles, setting up a missile dropkick for two.

King comes back with a cradle suplex and a high kick but gets caught with his feet on the ropes. The Last Chancery can’t get the submission so King comes back with a springboard Blockbuster for a close two. Aries gets tired of dealing with King and takes him into the corner for a super brainbuster to send Austin to the cage at 10:04.

Rating: C+. This is the logical choice as King hasn’t really shown that he can beat a guy of Aries’ level in a one on one match. The ending sequence was really cool and it gives us a more intriguing main event than Eric vs. two members of the trip. Aries is a guy that could be brought up the ranks in TNA to fill in their lack of top faces.

JB introduces some Dallas Cowboys to a VERY mixed reaction. After that mention is over, JB brings out the latest Von Erichs: Ross and Marshall, accompanied by an ancient looking Kevin. The Bro Mans interrupt and say that a lot of things in Texas aren’t tight, including being a Von Erich. Robbie isn’t here for reasons not specified.

Bro Mans vs. Ross Von Erich/Marshall Von Erich

Marshall wrestles barefoot like Kevin did. This is DJZ and Jesse for the team tonight. Marshall cleans house on DJZ to start but can’t hook the Claw. A powerslam puts DJZ back down and it’s off to the older Ross for some dropkicks. Jesse breaks up something off the top rope and DJZ hits a nice flip dive to take Ross down on the ramp.

Back in and Jesse nails a dropkick bur Ross avoids a second one and makes the hot tag to Marshall. Everything breaks down and Ross hits a missile dropkick to put both guys down. Jesse brings in a chair but gets it dropkicked into his face, setting up a series of basic double team moves from the brothers. Not that it matters as DJZ brings in the chair for the DQ at 5:07.

Rating: D+. Well that was a waste of pay per view time. The Von Erichs looked ok at best but it’s clear that they need ring time more than anything else. They didn’t know how to finish a match yet and it looked like they needed to get through a bunch of spots instead of bringing the match to a close. Not terrible, but the ending really didn’t work for me.

Post match Kevin comes in to put the Claw on Jesse, drawing the only big pop from the crowd.

Angelina says she’ll keep the title tonight. JB asks how many time Angelina has won the title without Velvet’s help but Angelina says they’re a team.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love

Angelina is defending and Gail won a triple threat on Thursday to set this up. Gail hits a quick running forearm to start but her top rope huricanrana is countered with a powerbomb. A side slam gets two on Kim and Angelina throws her out to the floor. Velvet interference doesn’t help as Kim sends Love knees first into the steps. Back in and Gail gets crotched on the top, setting up an ugly looking reverse bulldog for two.

Sky uses the hairspray but referee Stiffler ignores it. The Botox Injection gets two and here’s Earl Hebner to eject Sky and make himself referee. Gail speeds things up and gets two off a neckbreaker but gets powerbombed for two more. Kim accidentally dropkicks Earl in the back but nails Eat Defeat. Stiffler ignores the cover to check on Earl and does the same again when Love gets rolled up. Angelina reverses into a rollup of her own and Stiffler counts the pin to retain the title at 6:57.

Rating: D+. Egads this story is getting old. Didn’t we have Stiffler in love with the Beautiful People like five years ago? Nothing to see here for the most part as Gail vs. Angelina has been done on PPV so many times that they ran out of stuff to do years ago. The match was ridiculously overbooked. Also don’t we already have a questionable referee in Brian Hebner?

D-Von has to go back to the hotel for dinner with his kids. Bully cuts a promo on Texas wrestling legends and thinks Ethan is in way over his head. His advice to Ethan: start praying. Ethan gets crucified for the sins of his Aunt Dixie and he’ll be baptized in blood.

Bully Ray vs. Ethan Carter III

Texas Death Match, meaning last man standing. Ray brings out a bullrope ala Stan Hansen for a nice tribute. Carter is thrown to the floor by the rope to start and Ray brings out a pair of tables. They’re stacked next to each other on the floor but Carter recovers from the coma he was in to get in a few shots and take over. Ray fights right back and sets up another table in the corner but the fans want cowbell.

Carter avoids the table but gets his chest ripped off by more chops. Time for the cheese grater to rip up Ethan’s chest (barely), which isn’t something you often see. Carter gets in a few shots to take over and sends Ray face first into a chair on the mat. He goes up top but gets crotched and superplexed onto the chair to put both guys down. Ray grabs a Dallas Cowboys trashcan from under the ring before starting to cut up the mats to expose the wood under the canvas.

Joker Spud comes out with a kendo stick shot to Ray’s back for no effect. Ray kicks him low and knocks Spud silly with the stick but Carter hits a quick One Percenter onto the exposed boards for our first count over twelve minutes into the match. Ray is up at eight so Carter pours out the glass in the trashcan. Carter goes up but dives into a Bubba Cutter, sending the injured chest into the glass for a cool spot. He’s up at eight though so Ray takes the stick outside to knock Ethan silly again.

Ray puts him on the tables and goes up but here’s Dixie for a distraction. Bully goes after her and sends Ethan into Dixie to knock her out cold. Ethan gets punched down and Ray puts Dixie on the table. He takes too long though, allowing Spud to pull her off and Ethan knocks Ray through the tables with a kendo stick shot for the win at 17:05.

Rating: C. It was a nice brawl with some nice spots but NO ONE CARES ABOUT DIXIE. After all this, if she doesn’t go through a table in New York, this whole story has been a huge waste of time. Also, never accept an induction to the Hall of Fame unless you want to lose on a last second fluke the same night. At least D-Von didn’t join forces with Dixie.

We recap Anderson vs. Storm. This started in a qualifying match for a World Title shot before Anderson cheated to win a drinking contest and made fun of cowboys. Why TNA thinks he’s going to be cheered in Texas doing this is beyond me.

Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm

Storm grabs a mic even though it’s 10:22 and we’ve got another match after this. He rips on the Cowboys because he’s a Titans fan but the booing breaks up his catchphrase. The brawl is on before the bell with Anderson high fiving the Cowboys and spitting beer in Storm’s face. They get in the ring for the opening bell and James goes right for the knee. A few shots have Anderson so banged up that he can’t run across the ring and a Figure Four has him in even more trouble.

Anderson is quickly in the ropes and Storm misses a charge in the corner to give Mr. a breather. Storm gets crotched on the top and slammed down for two, only to send Anderson face first into the middle buckle. Now it’s Anderson going up but getting kicked in the back of the head. He’s still able to pick Storm up for the rolling fireman’s carry off the middle rope but Storm kicks him out to the floor. Storm spits beer at the Cowboys so they jump the railing for a distraction, allowing Anderson to hit the Mic Check for the pin at 5:25.

Rating: C-. The match was short due to time but it was still entertaining enough. Anderson vs. Storm didn’t need the Cowboys for this to work but since it’s a midcard match in TNA, I’m sure we’ll get 19 rematches to keep things going way after its expiration date. The Cowboys might get them some extra media attention if nothing else.

Austin Aries tells Eric Young that the greatest man should win the match tonight. Eric says they’ve flown in crazy people to the show tonight.

We recap the main event, which is just an Eric Young video due to the last minute changes.

TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young

In a cage with Young defending with wins by pin or submissino, not escape. Lashley takes over to start but gets double teamed down. The smaller guys do a fast paced sequence until Lashley throws Aries into the cage. Young gets the same as well, allowing Lashley to stand tall. Bobby throws both guys around again but misses a charge into the post. Young and Aries go at it again until Eric hammers on Bobby in the corner.

Aries powerbombs the champion down but stops to go after Lashley again, only to be suplexed into the cage for two. We get a bad looking botch as Aries hits a running cross body in the corner but Young just lets him bounce off of him for some reason. Young gets to show off his freakish strength with a double Death Valley Driver but Lashley is up at two. He puts Young on top of the cage as the fans chant please don’t die. Aries goes up top as well to take Lashley down with a hurricanrana, but Eric stands up on top of the cage for the huge elbow to Bobby.

Aries punts Eric in the head though and hits the brainbuster for a very close two. Lashley spears Austin down for two and spinebusters the champion, only to miss the spear and fall out of the cage. Remember that doesn’t end the match though as escape doesn’t count. Young hits the top rope elbow on Aries for another close near fall. The piledriver is countered with a low dropkick to Young’s face and everyone is down. Young and Aries slug it out but both guys miss forearms. Aries hits some discus forearms and the corner dropkick but walks into the piledriver to retain Eric’s title at 12:10.

Rating: B-. This got better near the end but Eric keeping the title made me roll my eyes. The reign has been far better than I expected it to be but he needs to be the focal point of the company instead of the other guy in the major feuds. To be fair though, I’d assume MVP was supposed to take the title tonight before the injuries.

Young helps Aries up after the match.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual, TNA puts on a good show for Slammiversary. I really wish they could get their stuff together on TV because if this was what they were putting out there every week, things would be so much easier to sit through. Instead we’re usually stuck with one story dominating a show or 19 Dixie Carter segments with her bad acting talking about whatever war she’s having that no one cares about. Good show but not as good as the last few years’. Nothing blew the doors off but most of the matches were solid and nothing was bad so I can’t complain much.

Results
Sanada b. Crazy Steve, Manik, Eddie Edwards, Davey Richards and Tigre Uno – Sanada pulled down the title belt
Bobby Lashley b. Samoa Joe – Spear
Magnus b. Willow – Belly to back suplex into a side slam
Ross Von Erich/Marshall Von Erich b. Bro Mans via DQ when DJZ used a chair
Angelina Love b. Gail Kim – Rollup
Ethan Carter III b. Bully Ray when Ray couldn’t answer the ten count
Eric Young b. Austin Aries and Bobby Lashley – Piledriver to Aries

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X-Travaganza III
Date: May 6, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

I guess this is considered the beginning of a new season of these shows as the first X-Travaganza was the first ever One Night Only. Barring a big surprise, this is going to be a series of qualifying matches for an Ultimate X match for money later on in the night. These shows really are good illustrations of how far the division has fallen in recent years. Let’s get to it.

We open with the standard speech about how important this division is to TNA’s history. Notice that as the division has fallen into obscurity, the company’s success has gone down as well. Of course there’s a lot more to it than that, but once TNA stopped having something to focus on other than the main event division, things kept going south. As usual, this also shows us clips from later in the night.

All matches are qualifying matches for the Ultimate X main event with $100,000 on the line unless noted otherwise.

Tigre Uno vs. Sonjay Dutt

Feeling out process to start with Sonjay taking him down with a quick armdrag before having to spin out of a wristlock. Some fast near falls get us nowhere but both guys collide to put them on the mat. Back up and Sonjay takes over with some chops and a running knee in the corner before stopping Tigre with a boot. Tigre comes back in with a dropkick for two as the announcers start talking about Twitter handles. I really hope this isn’t a descent into the usual commentary madness on these shows.

Sonjay comes back with something like an Octopus Hold and a kick to the head for two. This turns into a discussion of favorite submission holds, which is at least related to what we’re watching. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Tigre fights back, only to miss a split legged moonsault. Dutt’s standing moonsault gets two as the fans are really not all that interested here. Borash finally gets around to explaining the idea of the qualifying matches for Ultimate X later in the show. Tigre crotches himself on an attempted basement dropkick in the corner but comes right back with a rolling cradle for the fast pin (and maybe a four count).

Rating: C-. We’re already seeing the issue with this show: there’s no reason for these two to be fighting and that makes for a dull match as neither of these two did anything exciting enough to warrant having nine minutes. It’s not a bad match or anything but it’s just two guys doing moves to each other until one got a pin off a cradle.

Kenny King talks about surprising everyone by showing up in TNA and brags about all of his success. No matter what he did though, he never could get noticed until he joined up with the BDC. Tonight, we’re calling this X-Travaganza Step Up, because he wants someone to step up to become the next Kenny King. Be careful though because he’s going to knock them right back down.

Kenny King vs. Jay Rios vs. Pepper Parks

Parks wrestles all over the indies and seems to have a fitness gimmick. Rios is a lower level indy guy but he was recently on Impact as Tigre Uno’s partner in the Tag Team Title tournament against Bram/Ethan Carter III. Josh asks the returning JB how he can get around the arena to announce everything so fast. Parks kicks Rios in the head to start and stomps him down as King stands back.

The fans chant for the BDC (the only people they might know in this match) as King backdrops Parks to the floor. Rios kicks both of them through the ropes and hits an Asai moonsault to drop both opponents. Back in and Parks gets two off a sitout powerbomb as King is still on the floor. Rios sidesteps Parks’ spear to send him into King before hitting the springboard into an RKO on Parks for two.

Pepper doesn’t seem to mind as a double superkick puts King down, only to have Rios hit running boots in the corner to both opponents. King suddenly realizes he’s Kenny King and starts cleaning house but Rios shoves him off the top and hits a frog splash for two on Parks. Back up and Rios goes to the apron, only to springboard into the Royal Flush to give King the pin.

Rating: C. Better but it’s the exact same problem from the first match: I have no real reason to see these guys fight and they’re not doing anything worth seeing. In other words, these matches aren’t very interesting and make me want to go watch some old TNA matches instead of these.

Here’s a clip from Destination X 2013 where Manik won the X-Division Title in Ultimate X.

Manik vs. Mr. 450

450 is yet another indy guy who has been squashed in NXT a few times under the name Jesus de Leon. For some reason he comes out (after Manik) with a weird eyepiece that looks like something out of Star Trek (for your KB trivia: I’ve never seen a single movie or episode of Star Trek) and may supposed to be something from the future.

Wherever he’s from (yes I know it’s Puerto Rico), he grabs an armbar to start as the announcers talk about Google Glasses. They spin around a few times until 450 gets two off a springboard cross body. Manik sends him hard into the post though and things slow back down. Off to the floor now with Manik sending him into the post again as Josh laments the loss of Bernie Mac. He was in a movie called Mr. 3000 (Josh calls it Mr. 300) so it’s connected you see.

Manik grabs a cross armbreaker (at least he’s following up on the shoulder into the post, putting this match ahead of everything else on the show so far) before rolling some suplexes, capped off by a belly to back hammerlock suplex. We hit the chinlock with the arm trapped back for a bit to keep up the psychology.

450 comes back with another springboard cross body but Manik catches himself in the ropes instead of going out to the floor. He goes right outside a few seconds later though, setting up 450’s Asai moonsault. Josh clarifies that Pepper and Joseph Parks are not related before Manik hurricanranas 450 into the armbreaker for the submission.

Rating: C+. Best match of the night so far with the arm work actually playing through the match instead of just introducing it and then forgetting it just as fast. Again it’s not a great match or anything like that, but at least it was a good way to kill seven minutes. Manik is an underrated talent in the company and unfortunately he’s stuck in the lame Revolution for the time being.

Video on the Knockouts defying the limits just as well as the men do.

Taryn Terrell is in the five Knockouts ladder match later tonight and she can prove that she’s more than just a pretty face.

Great Sanada vs. Jonathan Cruz vs. Crazzy Steve

Cruz is Rios’ partner in the indies. Steve pulls out a horn as Matthews thinks Cruz is Mr. 450. Ignore the fact that neither wears a mask so this shouldn’t be too complicated. Steve goes out to the apron and waits for a tag because we’re in a comedy match. Sanada cranks on Cruz’s arm to start and they hit a nice spin out sequence for one of the few good reactions from the crowd all night long. Steve comes in with a crucifix and sunset flip for two each on Sanada before Sanada pulls on Cruz’s face.

Now the announcers talk about the places Sanada has wrestled, including the hibachi place and Nakatomi Towers. Off to an abdominal stretch on Cruz until Steve makes the save. The serious guys finally get tired of the comedy and pound Steve down like anyone sensible would do. Steve comes back with cannonballs in the corner, only to have Sanada mist Cruz in the face. A moonsault gets two with Steve making the save, setting up a DDT on Cruz to send Steve to Ultimate X.

Rating: D. The announcers have gone from amusing to Tazz land as they spent the whole match making as many Japan jokes as they could squeeze into a short match. Steve is a generic “comedy” guy who gets annoying in a hurry with neither opponent being able to do much. Sanada really should have gone forward here as he’s more than earned the spot in the last year, especially on these shows.

Rockstar Spud says he’s a great wrestler, even when he was just getting coffee for Dixie Carter. Tonight he can show why he’s a great X-Division wrestler when he wins his first Ultimate X match.

And now, since they can’t even get to 2:45 on their own, here’s the X-Division Title match from Slammiversary 2014.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Tigre Uno vs. Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Crazy Steve vs. Manik

Sanada is defending and this is a ladder match. Also keep in mind that Destination X and Option C are coming up soon. Manik dives through the ropes to take out Sanada before the bell. The Wolves follow suit with stereo suicide dives and Steve has apparently knocked Tigre Uno down. Steve gets a ladder from under the ring and uses it to climb back to the apron. Tigre dropkicks him down and mostly misses a corkscrew dive to take everyone out.

Sanada and Manik fight over a ladder in the ring with the champion taking over via a springboard chop to the head. Tigre replaces Manik and kicks Sanada in the back of the head but the Wolves double team him into a German suplex onto the ladder in the corner. Edwards throws in a fresh ladder but Manik dropkicks both of them down. Steve (very popular tonight) comes in for the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot, taking down everyone that comes into the ring.

Manik makes a save but Steve shoves the ladder over, only to have Manik land on the top rope and dive out to knock out the Wolves. Steve goes up again and touches the belt but of course loses his hand eye coordination since this is a ladder match, allowing Sanada to make the save. The ladder is busted so Sanada slams Steve onto it to set up the moonsault. The fans think this is awesome as Tigre enziguris Sanada off a better ladder.

Tigre wedges the broken ladder into the standing one to form a bridge, but the Wolves catch him in a powerbomb/top rope Backstabber combo. The Wolves both go after the belt but Sanada makes the save. Edwards Sanada clothesline each other to the floor and Eddie crashes into the barricade, leaving Davey on top. Manik makes the save and powerbombs Davey onto the bridged ladder in a SCARY landing. Sanada climbs up to retain at 9:40 before someone dies.

Rating: B-. The match was fun but some of those spots looked too dangerous for my taste. Richards getting powerbombed was way too scary looking and I didn’t like how he landed. Hopefully everyone is fine, but I question having people go through a match like this without even giving the match hype on TV.

Rockstar Spud vs. Dalton Castle

Castle is basically a man in a peacock costume during his entrance with and some good looking valets to disrobe him. Naturally the announcers aren’t going to explain who Castle is because they’re too busy with their “witty banter.” Castle puts his hands on his back and sticks his chest out so Spud imitates the look (one fan: “Spud’s was better!”). The pose off continues as the announcers debate this year’s Best Picture winner. They start shoving each other out of the way to pose before Spud gets one off a rollup over a minute in.

This sends Spud to the floor to call Castle a chicken. Time for a chase scene with Dalton getting taken down with a drop toehold. Matthews talks about being chased by a chicken as a kid as Spud knocks Dalton outside. Josh: “There was no choking of the chicken.” Castle throws him down to the mat and struts a bit before covering for two. Josh: “New game! Every time you say Castle’s full name, you have to give him a new middle name.” Spud screams at a slap and hits some running forearms, followed by the Underdog for the pin.

Rating: D+. I love Spud but there was only so much you can do here when the announcers are making up games to get themselves through the show. Castle needs a straight man or partner in general to play off as he doesn’t have the wrestling acumen to back him up out there. This was barely even a match after all the posing.

Matt Hardy is ready for his dream match against Austin Aries tonight. Who has been dreaming of that match? Matt talks about his career evolving all the time and now he’s going to give A Double a double dose of Mattitude.

Mikaze vs. DJZ

Mikaze had a pot of coffee back in ROH back in 2005-2006 and was squashed by Ryback one night. DJZ bails from the threat of a kick to the head and does a Karate Kid pose. Back up and Mikaze chases him out to the floor, only to have DJZ snap the back of his neck across the ropes. That’s with with Mikaze who skins the cat out to the floor and into a hurricanrana for a nice counter.

Back in and DJZ stomps him in the corner as we hear about Mikaze designing wrestling gear. Mikaze misses a springboard clothesline and a lot of choking ensues. The announcers count ropes (seriously) and laugh at the idea of Mike Tenay dying. Mikaze sends him to the floor and gets a running start before changing directions into a moonsault. That was awesome. Back in and Mikaze hits a springboard forearm (fans: “AJ STYLES!”) and Trouble in Paradise, only to get caught in a bottom rope tornado DDT to send DJZ to the Ultimate X.

Rating: C. Mikaze looked cool but the idea of sending anyone but those already on the roster to the main event is a pipe dream. DJZ is trying but he’s another example of someone who needs a partner to help him get through most of his matches. He’s mainly a comedy guy and that doesn’t translate well when he’s trying to have a regular match like this one.

Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love vs. Brooke vs. Taryn Terrell

Ladder match for a future Knockouts Title match. I love that they can’t say who the champion is at the moment as they have no idea who it will be when this airs. Everyone goes for the ladder to start but they just wind up knocking the thing over for a big crash. Madison suplexes Taryn on the floor (Josh: “That was violent!”) and the announcers take shots at the Divas.

We get the first ladder brought in with Gail trying to get it straightened on the top rope for no apparent reason as everyone fights in the background. Angelina gets dropped face first onto the ladder but Gail and Brooke start fighting over who gets to use the ladder. Taryn is sent face first into the ladder in the corner as Angelina sets up another between the barricade and the apron.

Everyone gets knocked down in the corner until Gail is dropkicked off the apron and onto the bridged ladder. We finally get a ladder set up in the middle of the ring but Brooke shoves it over, sending Angelina and Madison crashing down. Gail pulls Taryn down but both quickly climb up, only to have Brooke pull Gail through the rungs. Gail is dangling but stops Brooke from pulling the contract down. Not that it matters as the contract falls, allowing Taryn to dive onto it for the win.

Rating: D+. I’ve never been a fan of these short gimmick matches. What’s the point in even bringing the ladders in if they’re going to be done in less than seven minutes with five girls in there? You can barely get anything going and there’s almost no drama, though Taryn winning is always a good thing.

The Wolves are ready to face each other and they’re both coming at it hard. It’s all cool though.

Package on the Wolves.

Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards

This is just a dream match instead of a qualifying match. They’re in different tights tonight to make this feel a bit different. Feeling out process to start and both guys give a clean break in the corner. They point at the crowd and lock up against the ropes as this is totally even so far. Davey can’t spin out of a wristlock but they both spin out of a hammerlock into a standoff. Now Josh talks about grilled cheese and his ability to map minds.

More technical stuff leads to a headscissors from Davey and they trade something like the surfboard’s drunk cousins. The third standoff sets up Davey nailing a dropkick and putting on an Indian deathlock, complete with a Rude hip swivel. Edwards does the same (the swivel I mean) with the surfboard knee stomp as Josh is STILL going on about the mind map stuff. Davey is sent to the floor and both guys avoid dives, setting up Eddie’s moonsault off the apron to break his heel and put him on the shelf for three months. Back in and Davey hits a pair of Creeping Deaths (Eddie: “DO IT! DO IT!”) for the pin.

Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade as it was just starting to get going when the injury took place. They didn’t want to go after each other here but they were getting into the spirit of competition right before the ending. Good enough match though and the Wolves continue to be awesome on this show.

Austin Aries says he and Matt Hardy are good in any division. He has to talk over a match ending and it’s really distracting. Isn’t there like an office or locker room deep inside the building that they could do these in instead?

Clip of Aries beating Roode in the first Option C cash-in.

Austin Aries vs. Matt Hardy

Again, the winner doesn’t go to Ultimate X. They fight into the corner to start as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Matt scores a quick takedown and poses before doing it again and shouting 2-0. Aries takes him down twice in a row, lays on the ropes and says we’re tied. They hit the mat with a headlock into a headscissors counter and it’s already a standoff. Another mat sequence ends with Aries hitting a basement dropkick and a slingshot hilo for two.

The announcers ignore the match again but at least they talk about the main event. Well to be fair they make a bet on the main event but close enough. Aries dropkicks Matt out to the floor but his suicide dive hits a forearm. Matt fights back with a middle rope elbow to the back of the head but the Side Effect is blocked with an elbow to the head. The double underhook guillotine has Aries in trouble but he escapes and puts on the Last Chancery.

They fight over a suplex on the apron (of course the Last Chancery didn’t work. It hasn’t in years) and Matt is shoved to the floor for the suicide dive. Aries dives into a kick into the ribs though and eats a Twist of Fate on the floor. Austin barely beats the count back in and quickly drops Hardy, only to miss the 450. Matt misses the moonsault though and they slug it out from their knees. The Side Effect gets two for Matt but Aries pops up with a pair of discus forearms, the running corner dropkick and the brainbuster for the pin.

Rating: B. Match of the night here by about a million miles but it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. This sounded like something that should be headlining an indy show and there’s nothing wrong with it being the second biggest main event on a nothing show like this. To be fair, a big indy show probably has a better card than a lot of One Night Only shows.

Video on Ultimate X.

Kenny King vs. Tigre Uno vs. Rockstar Spud vs. DJZ vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Manik

Ultimate X for $100,000. Yeah not a title shot or anything, but money. It’s a big brawl to start with Manik making the first failed attempt at the X. A limping Spud is down on the floor as Steve bites DJZ’s head and hits him with a Cannonball in the corner. Tigre stops King from getting the X but gets pulled down by Manik. King superplexes Steve down and hammers away before everyone is down for a bit.

Spud pulls DJZ down and other combinations do the same thing as this is already starting to drag. We hit the parade of dives with Spud going last. It’s clear that they’re just killing time at this point, likely due to the Wolves match going short. They get back in (including Steve, who Josh keeps calling Steve of Crazy) for a Tower of Doom and the fans are barely reacting. King shoves DJZ through part of the structure before pulling Spud off the cables.

Tigre hits a Phoenix Splash to the floor onto DJZ for no apparent reason. King and Manik screw up an alliance and END THIS ALREADY! King is the only one left standing so he pulls out a ladder. Spud makes his comeback and hammers away on King but Kenny hits him with the ladder. The slowest climb of all time allows Spud to make the save and….have to deal with Manik who springboards onto the ladder. Thankfully it quickly falls over and Spud hangs on, pulling down the X to win.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here with nearly 18 minutes to this thing. The guys were trying hard but this shouldn’t be more than about ten minutes at most. The lack of drama really hurt it too as the only two possible winners were King and Spud, and there was barely a single dramatic attempt at the X. Just too long here and it really dragged things down.

Overall Rating: D. Oh yeah this was dull. It went on too long (which says a lot as this wasn’t even 2:45 long and it had about 15 minutes added with the Slammiversary match) and nothing here was worth seeing. In other words, it’s basically the exact same thing that has plagued every One Night Only show, including the dreadful commentary. Matthews and Borash clearly didn’t care and they knew they wouldn’t get in trouble for it because no one watches these shows. Bad show, but the guys were indeed trying.

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