Monday Nitro #232
Date: March 20, 2000
Location: O’Connell Center, Gainsville, Florida
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

Uncensored has come and gone and I think we’re all a little bit better because of that. I’m not entirely sure what you would call the big story coming off the show but I guess Scott Steiner returning for the second time this year is up there. It’s not a good time to be a WCW fan at the moment and last night gave me no reason to think that is going to change anytime soon. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today Sid arrived to a small mob of fans who are thrilled that he’s still World Champion. Maybe WCW wouldn’t be in so much trouble if they didn’t fund such massive brainwashing experiments.

Opening sequence.

Gene brings out Sid Vicious to open things up. Madden is already ripping on Hogan for coming out to help Sid when Sid didn’t need it, which sounds like we should be leading up to Sid vs. Hogan, which makes sense and would probably suck the least out of any match they could throw at us at this point. Sid is glad to finally have Jeff Jarrett off his back and loves the fact that he got to prove Jarrett wrong last night. In a sudden side trip, Sid says it doesn’t matter what you do to a pig because it’s still a pig. But what if you make it into pork chops?

Cue Jarrett because this feud MUST continue. Jarrett has pinned Sid three times in the past so it’s clear that he has Sid’s number, and Sid is only still champion because of Hogan. Sid says bring it but Jeff says he wants another title match, which Sid won’t give him. Instead, Jarrett has a solution: a tag match, and if Jeff pins Sid, he gets another shot. If he can’t though, he never asks for another shot again. The fans LOVE that idea but Jeff wants to introduce us to his partner first.

Of course it’s Scott Steiner, who would seem to be the newest member of the NWO and with some tape over his mouth with the word CENSORED written across it. Threats are made but Sid says he doesn’t need a partner, even though he could find one really easily. Cue Hogan of course, to talk about being the baddest man the NWO ever had. Hogan has seen Sid carrying the belt tall and proud, so Sid is the man to get WCW back on track. I love that they’re just admitting that WCW is in trouble on national TV. The match is on. There’s a joke there about Hogan and Teddy Long but I’ll let you guys fill in the punchline yourselves.

Tony gives us a quick recap of Uncensored. How can a thirty second speech sound so boring?

Tonight: Sting vs. Flair. Somehow that sounds like the best idea they’ve had in weeks.

Luger tells Flair to take care of Sting tonight while he takes out Vampiro. Flair rants about both of them and it’s very nice to see Vampiro being thrown into the deep end like this. You have to try that at some point, which is (arguably) the biggest knock against WCW over the years.

Ricky Rachman and Spring Breakout are still coming. Be still my beating heart.

Chavo Guerrero says he’s back to get the Cruiserweight Title and get his finances in order. He steals Gene’s wallet to help himself out.

Chris Candido vs. Lash Leroux

Paisley and the (silent) Artist are on commentary. Before the match, Candido calls himself the greatest example of a pure wrestler going today, because he doesn’t need a gimmick, costume, catchphrase of a trashy valet. Oh I’m guessing she’s coming later. Lash dropkicks Candido down to take over in a hurry but Chris quickly makes the ropes to hide. A dropkick and shoulder put Candido down again, only to have him come back with an enziguri.

Candido scores with a nice delayed vertical suplex as Madden talks about Candido winning a 10-1 handicap match. Madden: “I think Big Josh was involved.” Candido’s guillotine legdrop gets two as we discuss Madden wearing purple. Lash’s comeback is quickly stopped and a top rope superplex sets up a swan dive to give Chris the quick pin. Nice debut here and they can’t get Artist away from the title soon enough.

Lane and Rave ask Miss Hancock who she’s found to replace them. Hancock promises to debut them on Thunder: Los Fabulosos.

Fit Finlay vs. La Parka

Time for some chair dancing and VOICEOVER GUY! La Parka talks about being in the hizzouse and the 1414, meaning one for him and one for his homies. Finlay has one chance to leave before La Parka knocks the Lucky Charms out of him. La Parka tries to beg off and says that’s not his voice but Finlay beats him up anyway.

The masked man gets dropped throat first across the top rope, which might clean up some of those vocal issues. A HUGE back elbow to the jaw puts La Parka down again but Finlay goes to the floor for no apparent reason, only to avoid a plancha. Back in and La Parka loads up a crane kick, only to take a Regal Roll for another quick pin. At least La Parka is funny.

Kidman and Booker talk strategy. Madden talks Torrie’s cleavage.

Vampiro takes the cast off his hand and bangs it against the wall. The concrete kind, not the monster.

Stills of Wall vs. Bigelow, which Tony calls a collection of painful bumps.

Gene brings out David Flair and Daffney for a special message for America. This could be, dare I say it, interesting. David drags out a table and I don’t see this ending well. He talks about Bigelow and Crowbar sharing a hospital room so he wants Wall out here right now to put him through that table. There goes the neck brace and here comes Wall, who no sells a fire extinguisher blast from Daffney and chokeslams David through the table. The announcers say David can join Bigelow and Crowbar in their hospital room. Well no wonder he can’t get healthy if he gets injured in Gainsville and goes all the way to Miami for treatment.

Tony: “Right now it’s our Wolverine Boot Stomp of the Night! Ok I guess it’s not!”

To take your mind off that, here’s a centerfold of Torrie in the latest WCW Magazine.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Twins vs. Kidman/Booker

The Twins are defending. Madden brings up the NWO only needing one more belt to have them all, which makes me realize how horrible that group really is as I do not care in the slightest. Booker kicks Ron down to start and we get an early Spinarooni. Off to Don vs. Kidman with the bald guy doing a very weak tilt-a-whirl…..I guess you can call that a slam. At least it sounds better than tilt-a-whirl gently lay down. Booker comes in to take out both Twins and hits a bad looking Rock Bottom for two on Ron (jump dude), followed by the Bodog from Kidman. That’s enough for the Twins as a belt shot draws the DQ.

Torrie gets on Don’s back but gets thrown down, earning Don a chair to the head.

The Mamalukes tell Disco to get them a rematch or he’s out. Disco says it’s really their fault so Vito says Disco is out.

Total Package vs. Vampiro

So much for Vampiro’s push. Before the match, Luger tells Vampiro that this is his welcome to the major leagues but he only has a wiffle ball bat. Vampiro sneaks in through the crowd for an enziguri to start fast but Luger goes low to take over. What looks to be a Rack attempt is turned into a belly to back suplex before Luger starts kicking at the bad arm. Vampiro tries going to the floor but Luger drives an ax handle into the back and posts him for good measure.

Back in and Luger drops him with a gorilla press, which means he must be running out of moves to use. Vampiro comes back with a bunch of kicks as Tony is STUNNED that Vampiro could get in offense on someone like Luger. A top rope clothesline gets two on Luger but here’s Ric Flair, who is quickly dropped by an elbow. The distraction is enough for Luger to get in a bat shot though and the Rack is good for the submission.

Rating: D+. Dang that was close. Vampiro was getting close to get over as a young face here but Luger took him out just in time. Standard WCW formula here: the young guy gets close but can’t get the win because it just wouldn’t work to let Vampiro get a fluke win because it might hurt Luger’s spot, as if he actually might not be near the top of the card until he dies. I mean, he was a big star like eight years ago.

Sting makes the save.

Scott Steiner says it’s hard to keep a hard man down and rants about Hogan being as successful as he was because of people like Steiner behind him.

More Rachman.

Nitro Girls.

Dustin Rhodes is tired of being held down by the old guys so he’s taking them out one by one, starting with Curt Hennig tonight.

We see clips of a press conference after Uncensored went off the air last night. Oh man let’s get this over with. Sid wasn’t surprised by anything Jeff threw at him last night but here’s Hogan to officially endorse Sid but the spotlight is taken away from Sid and he doesn’t seem thrilled. This is of course totally different than the Wrestlemania VIII press conference where Hogan stole the spotlight from Sid to get on his nerves back in 1992.

Norman Smiley vs. Hugh Morrus

Smiley is past his demon phase but has gone with something far more terrifying: a Florida Gators jersey. Smiley grabs a cravate to start but Morrus elbows him in the jaw to break up the spanking dance. A butterfly suplex is countered into a sunset flip to give Norman two but another elbow puts him down again. Some dancing elbows (he’s a man of limited offense) get two for Morrus as he pulls Smiley up. A powerslam gets the same treatment before No Laughing Matter ends the destruction. That’s what Smiley gets for getting popular when WCW doesn’t want him to. Serves him right for the hard work.

Demon comes out to check on Norman but gets laid out too. So we have the popular Norman, the guy with a pop culture connection, and the one step above average power brawler. Guess who gets to stand tall.

Hennig says he’ll beat Dustin because he’s unbeatable. That doesn’t mean he’ll beat Dustin. They could just go to a draw, which means Dustin wouldn’t win but Hennig wouldn’t lose. Hennig really should get these details right.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig still has a cast on. Rhodes takes him into the corner to start as Madden declares himself a Rhodes fan for how Dustin ripped on Hogan. Hennig comes back with a neckbreaker and right hands, followed by the necksnap. A big right hand knocks Curt to the floor and Dustin slams the cast into the barricade before ripping the cast off for the DQ. Really, that’s a DQ?

Dustin hits the referee but Hogan makes the save. Hogan and…..midcarders? Huh? I mean HUH??? Tony: “Thank God for Hogan.”

Sid promises to win tonight and tells Jimmy to make sure no one comes to the ring tonight.

Sting says he has to fight Ric at least one more time, but tonight Team Package is split right down the middle and, I quote, “Team Package is like two peas in a pod.” That was the funniest unintentional line in months, or maybe I’m just desperate for anything remotely amusing.

Tank Abbott vs. Barbarian

Meng is watching backstage and says not long now Tank, not long at all. WHY CAN MENG TALK??? I know he has before but again, MONSTERS DON’T TALK. Slugout to start with Barbarian getting the better of it but Tank slams him down and puts on a front facelock before the big punch knocks Barbarian out. Just a longer version of Tank’s usual stuff.

Flair starts talking as he walks to the ring but we cut to Sting for more walking.

Ricky Rachman is a thing for the third time tonight.

Sting vs. Ric Flair

This is Sting’s first match on Nitro since December. They start with a basic sequence as Sting shoulders him down, knocks Flair to the apron, clotheslines him to the floor and clotheslines him on the floor for good measure. The Stinger Splash against the barricade misses though (that’s up there with Flair’s…..whatever off the top) and Ric takes over.

Back in and Flair punches him in the jaw to drop Sting, possibly wanting to knock off Sting’s beard at the same time. It’s time to no sell chops though with a pair of press slams, including one off the top. Cue Luger who gets beaten up as well and it’s Stinger Splashes all around, setting up the Scorpion to make Flair give up.

Rating: C-. Flair vs. Sting is one of those matches that automatically receives a higher rating by definition. It’s just a hard pairing to screw up because they’re both talented and have fought so many times that it’s almost impossible for them to screw up out there. I have no idea why we’re still seeing them fight, but the terrifying reason is that they’re one of the few combinations that still might work around here. You know, of course omitting any pairing of old vs. new because those are just out of the question.

Luger and Flair beat Sting down until Vampiro makes the save.

Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious/Hulk Hogan

If Jarrett gets pinned, he can never ask for a title shot again, but if he pins Sid, he gets the next shot. Jeff ejects the girls again and tells them to warm up the jacuzzi. Hogan and Jarrett get things going with Hulk hammering away and sending Jeff face first into Sid’s boot. Sid and Hogan take turns on Jeff’s arm before Hogan goes back to his comfort zone of right hands in the corner. At least they look better than last night’s batch.

Steiner breaks up a chokeslam attempt and the bag guys take over with the bicep curl elbow getting two. Scott charges into a boot in the corner and the tag brings in Hogan to clean house. The fans chant for Hogan and Sid isn’t happy. The big boot drops Jarrett and Hogan loads up the legdrop, only to charge into a chokeslam…..for the pin due to reasons that I don’t want to understand.

Rating: D. So now they’re just flat out ripping off the main event of Wrestlemania VIII, right down to the tag match that set it up. Sid is a heel now, meaning the top faces are once again Hogan and Sting with……Vampiro in third place I guess. Bad match, but like I said earlier, do they have a better option than Hogan vs. Sid right now? Hogan vs. a monster is as simple of an idea as you can have, even in 2000.

Sid talks trash to Hogan to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. WCW at this point is in a weird place as they’re getting the most out of what they have, but the ceiling is so low on what they can accomplish that it’s not saying much. This was more watchable than Uncensored as they’re keeping the wrestling short, but the stories are just not doing it. They’re such basic ideas with people who can’t back it up in the ring and that’s not going to work in either the short term or the long term.

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Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

We had to get here eventually. This is one of the lamest sounding shows I’ve seen in a very long time and it’s not something I want to sit through again. The main event is Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid for the World Title, but the real big match is Hogan vs. Flair, because we only did that last year at this same show so it’s high time to do it again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the triple main event of Hogan vs. Flair, Sid vs. Jarrett and Luger vs. Sting. Two of those men are under 40 and that number would go down to one in about two and a half months.

Hogan and Sid have a chat in the back where they say to watch each other’s back.

Jarrett tells the Harris Twins that he has an insurance policy.

A limo is here.

The opening pyro doesn’t get much of a reaction from the people. There’s a shot of the crowd and they look like they’re about to watch an instructional film on how to properly wash their hands.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psychosis

Artist is defending after Psychosis beat Kaz Hayashi to earn this shot on Thunder. Their video to set this up shows Hayashi pinning Psychosis a few weeks back, but somehow that didn’t earn him a title shot. The announcers talk about the Artist dominating the division for the last few months, despite him not even having the belt for a month yet. To be fair, I doubt anyone remembers the last few months of the cruiserweights at this point. Paisley and Juventud Guerrera are the seconds here.

Before we can get going, we get more music and it’s….the debuting Chris Candido to do commentary. After a minute of no contact so Candido can come out, the Artist (and his slimming purple vertical striped shirt) charges into the corner, allowing Psychosis to hurricanrana the champ down. Artist ties him in the Tree of Woe for some lame kicks to the ribs before a superkick gets two. The ring mic seems a bit low tonight as there isn’t a ton of sound when people hit the mat.

Psychosis is sent into the steps before Artist nails a running clothesline in the corner. Instead of a chinlock, Artist pulls on Psychosis’ hair with a knee in his back. That’s rather effective. A clothesline (to the middle of the chest) doesn’t have much effect on Psychosis so he comes back with a top rope hurricanrana for two.

Psychosis plants him with a sitout gordbuster (hopefully knocking some skills into Artist’s head) and Juvy goes after an interfering Paisley, who beats him up and takes off his shirt. There’s the guillotine legdrop but Psychosis pulls away at two to yell at Paisley. Or maybe he’s asking where she got her catsuit. Artist’s middle rope DDT (with Psychosis jumping into it) retains the title.

Rating: D. I feel like I have to say this every single time he’s out there, but Artist just isn’t very good. He’s such a generic wrestler and his finisher, while cool in theory, is almost never executed properly as the other guy has to jump up to give their head to Iaukea. Bad choice for an opener here as this did nothing to fire me up for the rest of the show.

Tony throws it to Gene. “That’s how you fill some time.” Just……yeah.

Bam Bam Bigelow regrets bringing the Wall into this business because he’s going about it all wrong. Tonight, he’s finishing the Wall and showing him how to do it right. Again, this is one of the better done stories in WCW at this point.

XS vs. Norman Smiley/The Demon

Somehow this ties into Miss Hancock as she comes down to do commentary before Norman and Demon make their entrances. I’m still not sure what the story is here other than XS being jerks and messing with Demon and Hancock being annoyed at XS for dumping her. Hancock thinks XS stands for extra small.

Demon’s casket appears and Norman comes out in full Demon garb. Demon throws Rave (is that his name this week?) around to start but gets knocked outside, leaving Norman to take over in the ring. Lane takes the spanking dance (not the Big Wiggle. You don’t come back from that) and things settle down again. Hancock says she has a new tag team in Los Fabulosos: Silver King and El Dandy. Tony: “If there was ever a time to be El Dandy, it’s right now.” Demon gets double teamed as the fans LOUDLY chant for Norman. That says a lot given how small the crowd is in such a big building.

XS tries a double clothesline on Demon, but it winds up putting Rave and Demon down as Lane stays on his feet….and falls down a few seconds later. Do these people just not get physics? The hot tag brings in Norman to clean house with right hands and the swinging slam to Lane. A school boy gets two on Norman and everything breaks down as the announcers start spouting off KISS lyrics. Demon and Lane go outside, leaving Norman to put Rave in the Norman’s Conquest for the win. That was sudden.

Rating: D. Other than Miss Hancock, I have no idea what the appeal was supposed to be here. This was a lame Nitro level match with Norman being OH SO FUNNY as the Demon, even though he wrestled like he always does. Tragically for him though, the fans seem to love him so he’s dead where he stands. This didn’t need to be on pay per view but at least it killed a few minutes.

Post match XS blames Hancock for the loss and tries to kidnap her but the Screamin Demons make the save. Hancock dances with Norman. Now that deserves to be on pay per view.

Kidman and Booker argue again.

Quick recap of Wall destroying everything in his path over the last few weeks, which has mainly been David Flair and Crowbar.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

They slug it out to start with Bigelow getting the better of it until he charges into a clothesline. Bigelow slams Wall down and hits the top rope headbutt for two. A pair of boots to the face gets the same thing on Bigelow but he grabs a running DDT for his second two. Wall comes back with a Cactus Clothesline and they fight to the back where Wall chokeslams Bigelow through a table for the DQ.

Rating: D. Well that happened. This was looking like a decent brawl until the lame ending in less than three and a half minutes. The story makes sense here and it’s good to see Wall get the better of it (this is one of those cases where leaving Bigelow laying is better than getting a win) but I don’t see this getting him anywhere because WCW.

Post match David Flair and Crowbar go after Wall with Crowbar getting in some good shots. Bigelow is loaded onto a stretcher, likely due to shock of how lame the table spot was. Crowbar and Wall wind up on the metal set and, of course, Crowbar gets chokeslammed through the wooden part of the set. Wall has a euphoric look on his face, which is totally and completely different than Bubba Ray Dudley’s euphoric look when he puts people through tables. Fans: “JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!”

Crowbar is taken out on a stretcher and this takes forever. The announcers get serious, so let’s go to Brian Knobbs, who dedicates his next match to David Flair and Crowbar. David wasn’t really hurt but let’s dedicate it to him anyway.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count

3 Count is defending as a unit and this is elimination rules. Before the match, it’s time for some singing and dancing, which is more entertaining than the previous match but Knobbs interrupts. Tony actually asks how they can call this match when they aren’t sure if Crowbar is ever going to walk again and think they should stop the show. OH SCREW OFF. This comes off as trying to play off of Owen Hart’s death and Vince not stopping the show. As in a real life death being compared to a scripted bump. If that’s what they were doing, then WCW deserves to go under on this night instead of a year later.

Anyway, Knobbs brings some weapons down and shrugs off 3 Count using them against him. Shannon gets a Pit Stop but Shane (in a mask to protect his broken nose) blasts Brian in the face with a chair. They whip him into a ladder and all three dive off the top of it with splashes/a Swanton. The champs stop for some dancing but eat a big blast from a fire extinguisher, followed by a chair to Shane’s broken nose for the first elimination.

Knobbs spends a minute setting up a table before powerbombing Evan through it to get this down to one on one. Helms is back up despite being eliminated but Knobbs easily beats him down as well. Brian falls over a table with Shannon on top for three but Knobbs is in the ropes, which apparently saves you in a hardcore match. So falls count anywhere, as long as you’re not in the ropes? I felt stupid just typing something like that. Knobbs beats up Evan and Shane again before a middle rope trashcan shot to Shannon gives him the title back. Tenay: “Respectability just came back to the hardcore division!”

Rating: D-. A foot on the ropes in a hardcore match. Not only does WCW not get why the WWF’s hardcore division worked, but they also don’t get what hardcore is supposed to be about. 3 Count as champions had potential but why go with something interesting when you can go with one of Hogan’s friends?

Harlem Heat is ready.

The limo is still sitting there.

Vampiro says he’s ashamed by the things he sees and the violent things he thinks about doing. He wants to be a good person but Fit Finlay keeps pushing him to do very bad things. Tony: “You could subtitle Uncensored very bad things.”

Kidman/Booker vs. Harlem Heat

J. Biggs sits in on commentary because we haven’t had a guest commentator in a few matches now. Booker slugs away at Stevie to start as you can see five very empty seats about ten rows off the floor. You would think they would send someone out there to hide how bad that looks. Kidman comes in and loses the team’s advantage, allowing for the tag off to Big T. It’s back to Booker to clean about half the house but Harlem Heat double teams Kidman down again.

Torrie gets on the apron for no apparent reason and Biggs calls her a yak. Kidman gets thrown outside where Big T. can dive over the barricade to take him down again, causing a small earthquake in the process. Booker breaks up a cover and Biggs keeps jabbering away, only to finally shut up when Kidman DDT’s Stevie for a breather. The hot tag brings in Booker to clean the rest of the house.

The Rock Bottom gets two on T. and a second one drops Ray. Stevie isn’t the legal man though so it’s a double side slam instead, with Kidman making a fast save. Tony: “TEAMWORK!” Kidman shoves Stevie into Cash and comes in for a sunset flip on T. with Booker kicking him over to give Kidman the pin.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here and the right team won, but I don’t buy for a second that they’re going to be used properly, at least not with the Harris Twins around to suck the life out of anything that’s going on in the tag division. Kidman and Booker work well together and we got to see Torrie so this is pretty easily the best thing of the night so far.

We look at Crowbar being chokeslammed through the stage again.

Recap of Finlay vs. Vampiro, which has really just been Finlay attacking him backstage. This comes after Vampiro was getting some cups of coffee in the main event. Now he’s here.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

Oh and let’s make it falls count anywhere because Heaven forbid we have more than one or two wrestling matches tonight. Finlay puts him down to start and we’re on a nerve hold thirty seconds in. Vampiro fights up and nails a top rope spinwheel kick before slowly stomping away. That’s fine with Finlay who gets a chair, but Little Naitch takes it away because this is falls count anywhere and not a No DQ match.

Instead they head outside with Finlay dropping him throat first across the barricade, meaning it’s time to fight into the crowd. It gets all the way to the concourse as they do the “grab hair and walk with me” formula. They hit the women’s room as I’m still trying to figure out why these two are even fighting like this. It goes to the men’s room for the sake of taste and Vampiro climbs onto a stall but dives into a trashcan shot. They leave again and the lights turn red before both guys head outside. Never mind as they head back inside where Vampiro sends him into a wall and The Nail in the Coffin on the concrete ends Finlay.

Rating: D. BUT WHY WERE THEY FIGHTING??? I’ve been watching the TV shows lately and I still have no idea why these two are even mad at each other. I know they’ve had issues in the back but what started it all? Vampiro is stuck back down on the card instead of doing something important because he was on the verge of mattering and WCW will not stand for that.

Vampiro walks through the crowd. Roman Reigns he is not.

The Mamalukes are ready for their title defense.

Tag Team Titles: Harris Brothers vs. Mamalukes

The Mamalukes (Big Vito/Johnny the Bull) are defending against Ron and Don. We’ll make it No DQ just so things don’t stay boring. Disco jumps in on commentary too so we can keep up the trend. Vito hammers on Don to start and the Twins take a breather on the floor. Back in and Johnny powerslams Don for two before it’s right back to Vito.

Don doesn’t know how to sell a double elbow to the jaw (hint: FALL DOWN!) and instead hits Vito low to take over. The champs take over on the now legal Ron (does it matter if he’s legal in a No DQ match?) and hit something like the H Bomb for two. Don can’t even hit Johnny from the apron properly (it looked like he was messing with his hair) but it’s enough for Ron to take over for the first time.

Don side slams Johnny for two but the Bull is able to make the tag so Vito can fire off his good looking kicks. A top rope elbow gets two on Ron and a Hart Attack gets the same. Back in and the H Bomb gets two on Vito with Johnny making the save. Disco sneaks in with a belt shot to Ron for two but Don lays everyone out with the belt and the H Bomb to Vito gives the Twins the titles. Lucky us.

Rating: D. So the boring team just beat the ok team to win the titles. Like I said, lucky us. It was a watchable match but there was no need for this to be No DQ. The Twins are one of the least interesting teams that I’ve seen in a long time and I have no idea who decided they should be in the main event scene.

Finlay admits that the better man won tonight and wants Vampiro to keep that fire burning.

Ric Flair praises Lex Luger again because that’s all he knows how to do anymore.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk, which is over how tough Dustin is compared to his daddy and then something about beating him over the head with a chicken.

Dustin says tonight is Funk’s retirement match and he’ll admit that Dustin is the American Nightmare.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Bullrope match, which is TOTALLY different than the strap match later. Terry comes out with the chicken as this feud built around someone who doesn’t even work for the company continues. Funk says he has Dustin’s baby brother here and it’s a guy in a chicken suit. Even Tony seems to find this stupid. Dustin chases the chicken and walks into a left hand from the chicken in Terry’s hand.

They’re not attached yet so Terry whips him with the rope. A cowbell to the head gets two for Terry but Dustin hits him low to take over. They’re still not tied together so Dustin just hits Terry in the head over and over with the bell. They finally tie it up and Dustin gets two off a DDT. A bulldog onto the cowbell gets two for Dustin and here’s the guy in the chicken suit again. Dustin quickly lays him out for the sake of good taste but Terry crotches him on the top rope to slow Rhodes down.

There’s a low blow with the cowbell (Madden: “That’ll hurt your ding a ling.”) Funk grabs the mic and says he’s making this an I Quit match. The referee says no and gets a cowbell to the head. Dustin takes a bunch of cowbells to the head and Dustin quits. However, that doesn’t count because this is pinfall or submission only and quitting doesn’t count. I mean just……no wait, I don’t know what I mean because THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Anyway, Terry argues with the referee, allowing Dustin to hit Terry in the head with a cowbell before a piledriver onto the bell is enough to give Rhodes the pin.

Rating: D-. Good night just end this show already. I have no idea why I was supposed to care about this but I guess these families feuded like twenty years ago and since Terry Funk doesn’t know how to retire, the thing is still going. This wasn’t interesting and was all about the whole TEXAS IS AWESOME theme, which is really annoying if you’re not from Texas.

They keep fighting post match until they just stop.

Sid is ready for Jarrett.

Recap of Sting vs. Luger, which is over Luger breaking everyone’s arm, starting with Sting.

Total Package vs. Sting

This is a lumberjack match with everyone whose arm Luger has broken surrounding the ring, plus anyone Luger could find who was willing to wear a cast as well. Tony: “Mark Madden is not wearing pants.” It took you an hour and forty five minutes to notice that???Before the match, Luger tries to calm the situation down by apologizing to everyone whose arm has been broken recently.

Luger jumps Sting before he can get the trench coat (it’s not a cape Tony) off. Sting slugs him out to the floor but it’s right in front of the heel lumberjacks. Back in and Sting goes into his greatest hits catalog but the big jumping elbow ACTUALLY CONNECTS. Madden thinks Sting’s acting career is taking off to the point that he could be the next Alicia Silverstone. Luger is sent outside and the good guys, including Doug Dillinger, stomps him down. Madden: “CALL SECURITY!”

Back in and Luger sends Sting to the heel side for the same treatment. Cue Tank Abbott to punch out Dillinger, causing the lumberjacks to finally give up and brawl to the back. Luger slaps on a chinlock as only Vampiro is left at ringside. This brings out Flair to fight Vampiro as Sting makes his comeback.

Flair comes in to rake Sting’s eyes but gets splashed in the corner. Liz sneaks in with a ball bat shot to Sting’s shoulder but Jimmy Hart runs in to take Liz away. Sting kicks out at two, with the referee having to pause a bit because Sting wasn’t kicking out in time. There’s the Torture Rack but Vampiro hits Luger in the back with the bat, setting up the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: F. How in the world are these two considered legends if this is as good as they can do? This was a HUGE mess with way too much interference and Sting looks like a loser who needed a save to make the win, even though it’s been treated like a huge victory for Sting. For some reason though, Luger is going to keep getting pushed and Flair is going to continue to be his lackey because WCW.

Vampiro and Sting hug post match. This could be a big rub for Vampiro.

Tank Abbott is asked why he hit Doug Dillinger. Tank: “Because he’s in the computer.”

We recap Jarrett vs. Sid, which is all about Jarrett hitting Sid with a lot of guitars.

The limo is opened as we’re told that the last two matches have been swapped.

Sid is surprised that he’s up next and runs off to fight. This was a totally unnecessary ten second segment.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Sid is defending. Before the match, Jeff says the girls will strip if he wins the title. Sid clotheslines him down to start and hits ten horrible right hands in the corner. Another clothesline puts Jeff on the floor and it’s already time to brawl. They head into the crowd and then up by the entrance with Sid in full control. Cue the Harris Twins to beat Sid down and give Jeff control.

Back in and Jarrett slugs away, earning himself a warning for clinched fists. The sleeper has Sid in trouble but he fights out and punches Jarrett out of the air. A big boot puts Jeff down but one of the Twins offers a distraction. The other Twin gets on the apron with the belt, only to have Jeff go face first into the gold for two. Another distraction lets Jeff get in a guitar shot as crooked referee Slick Johnson comes in to count. Hogan makes the save at two and cleans house to give Sid the easy pin to retain. Much like Sting, some hero.

Rating: D-. I guess this was their way of trying to keep the fans awake during the most boring title match in recorded history but it really didn’t do the trick. Instead this was messy and a borderline disaster, only saved by the fact that this was less than eight minutes long. Thankfully that’s it for Sid vs. Jeff but unfortunately it’s about a month too late.

Hogan and Sid get beaten down so here’s Flair to start the main event in a hurry.

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

This is a Yappapi strap match, which means strap match plus all the racist overtones you can find. It’s the four corners variety to make sure no one has to actually do a job (and by no one of course I mean Flair because Hogan isn’t losing to Flair as a face). Flair beats on him for a bit before they get tied up and it’s to the outside where Hogan takes over. Back in and Hulk chokes a bit as we hear about Flair still being upset over Bash at the Beach 1994. Flair chokes a lot but Hogan kicks him low.

The chops have no effect (Flair: “OH GOD I’M SORRY!”) and Hogan chokes even more. Now it’s time for punching and biting in the corner before Flair rakes the eyes. Using his new found advantage, Flair goes up top and gets slammed down. Jimmy Hart gets in some strap shots of his own and Ric is busted open.

They fight up to the ramp and here’s Luger to blast Hogan with a chair. Now Hulk is busted open too and a low blow stops his latest comeback attempt. Back in and Flair punches and chokes until Jimmy’s latest rescue attempt fails. The camera pans over and, I kid you not, the bottom section of chairs, as in the first probably twenty rows, is about 75% empty. Even TNA doesn’t have that kind of issues today.

Flair busts out the brass knuckles to knock Hogan out for two. Not two buckles or anything, but a two count, because even the wrestlers and referee don’t get the rules. Hulk makes his comeback, touches three buckles, beats up Luger again (with a boot to the hand), drops a leg on Flair for a pin, and touches the fourth corner after the bell to make it clear that he wins.

Rating: F. In the year 2000, the wrestlers and referees couldn’t figure out the rules, there was a ton of interference and Hogan somehow beat Flair twice in the same one fall match. This main evented a pay per view just two weeks before Wrestlemania. Horrible main event and a perfect ending to such an awful pay per view.

Overall Rating: F-. This was one of the worst shows I can remember and that’s what I fully expected coming in. I don’t think this one requires a long winded explanation, but here’s one of the major issues: this show runs 2:34 with 11 matches. Only two matches break nine minutes. How can WCW look at this and actually think this is the best they can do? I know the reboot is coming soon and after this, there’s almost no way they could keep going in this direction.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: March 15, 2000
Location: Patriot Center, Fairfax, Virginia
Attendance: 5,891
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

It’s the go home show for Uncensored and it can’t come soon enough. Things have picked up a bit but there’s only so much you can do with the material they’re being given. The main event scene is crowded with the double feud of Sting vs. Luger and Flair vs. Hogan, leaving Jarrett vs. Sid over the World Title at third on the card. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

La Parka/Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Silver King/El Dandy

La Parka’s dubbed voice confirms that he is in fact in the hizzouse tonight. Chavo takes Dandy down to start and backdrops him to the floor, meaning it’s off the partners. La Parka quickly takes over because he’s just more awesome than everyone else in the ring, meaning it’s time for the strut. A Dandy distraction lets King get in a clothesline but El’s backsplash hits his partner by mistake.

Back up and Dandy tries to hold La Parka for a dropkick but these two still don’t work that well together. La Parka hits a nice corkscrew dive onto Dandy on the floor, leaving Chavo to dropkick King to the floor. Things settle down a bit with La Parka moonsaulting onto Dandy for two more, only to have the heels finally start working together to take La Parka down.

A DDT gets two for King but he lets Chavo in, only to take him down just as easily as he took out La Parka. When did Silver King get good? A slingshot elbow gets two on Chavo and everything breaks down again. La Parka pulls Dandy out of the corner and onto his shoulders for a high cross body from Chavo, who follows with the tornado DDT to put El away.

Rating: C. I’ve seen worse, because amazingly enough, four guys who have experience and that whole talent thing are able to put on a better match than Prince Iaukea has ever been able to do. That’s why this division is so dead right now. Iaukea isn’t an interesting wrestler, but he’s champion because he has an over the top gimmick. What WCW doesn’t get is there has to be some substance under the flashiness and Iaukea just did not have that.

Post break and Don’t Try This At Home (from Brian Knobbs, who is the safest wrestler ever), Miss Hancock offers to manage Silver King/El Dandy with the chance of moving up to groin excitement if they meet certain contractual obligations.

Here’s Team Package for the final push promo for Sunday. Luger starts things off by saying Team Package is in the house. True, but are they in the hizzouse? Also points off for using your own voice. Luger rips on Sting for being a coward and not showing up tonight before it’s off to Flair to mention everyone whose arm has been broken recently. I could watch Flair put his foot in his mouth and have it get his buddies in trouble all day.

Hulkamania is dead of course but here’s Jimmy Hart to disagree. Jimmy accuses Ric of turning his back on Anderson and David to be Luger’s lackey (true, which still makes no sense) and reminds Flair that Hogan is the one on Larry King’s show and Entertainment Tonight because Hogan is the bigger star.

Luger yells at Jimmy and tells him to get out of here, but Hart suddenly has guts and hits Flair with Hogan’s weightlifting belt. This earns him a Torture Rack and a whipping but points for trying. Of course negative points for this being a feud about Hogan and Luger being big stars and everyone being in awe of them instead of putting over someone young, but Jimmy had some guts out there.

The cruiserweights are fighting over the title in the back when Charles Robinson comes in and says tonight it’s Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi. No mention of it being a title match or a #1 contenders match or anything but I guess that’s what we’re supposed to infer. Then again since this is WCW, it might be a loser gets a raise match.

Hogan checks on Hart and wants Luger and Flair out there tonight.

Kaz Hayashi vs. Psychosis

They don’t waste time around here. Apparently the winner of this gets a title shot on Sunday. Well that’s better than nothing. Psychosis takes over with some basics to start but Kaz takes his head off with a spinwheel kick. Psychosis’ head that is. Taking your own head off with a kick would be rather stupid. Psychosis gets sent to the floor for a flip dive which gets two back inside. A clothesline drops Kaz and he charges into an elbow in the corner to keep himself in trouble. Psychosis grabs a nice top rope hurricanrana, flips out of I think a backdrop and rolls Kaz up for a very quick pin.

They shake hands post match but Iaukea runs out and lays both guys out, including hitting the middle rope DDT on Psychosis. Some challenger.

Jeff Jarrett calls Gene slap nuts. That’s better than the dirty old man gimmick.

Team Package vs. Hogan in a handicap match later.

Bam Bam Bigelow has words we can’t hear with……Oklahoma? He’s still around?

Tank Abbott vs. Buzzkill

You get the idea by now. Buzzkill is out in 23 seconds.

Back from a break and Wall is beating up David Flair and Crowbar. He drags David to the concession area (save it for Tupelo people) and then and then to the balcony, but Bam Bam Bigelow runs up to stop Wall from the whole killing David thing. Bigelow and Wall fight into the lobby and Wall is sent through a table. Sounds like we need a (re?)match on Sunday.

Kidman wishes Booker luck against Jarrett and kisses Torrie.

Wall is taken away by cops. I knew that whole attempted murder thing would get him in trouble eventually.

US Title: Booker vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending but has to eject the girls before Booker comes out. Feeling out process to start with Booker going for some quick rollups. A big clothesline puts the champ down but he avoids another clothesline, sending Booker straight into the ropes and out to the floor. Jeff hits something like a Stunner over the barricade and he shouts something censored. See, tonight it’s censored tonight but Sunday is UNCENSORED!!!

Now stop me if you’ve heard this one before, though I doubt you ever have, but Jarrett puts on a sleeper for two arm drops but Booker fights up and hooks a sleeper of his own, only to be quickly counters. Jeff jumps into a Rock Bottom for two but the ax kick barely keeps him down. Cue the Harris Twins who quickly distract the referee, allowing Jarrett to sneak in a belt shot. Booker manages to kick out to give the fans some hope and hits a side kick, only to have the Twins come in. They’re fought off for a bit but an H Bomb plants Booker, setting up the Stroke to retain Jeff’s title.

Rating: C+. Good match, and of course they kept the title on Jarrett because it’s going to take dynamite to get that belt off him. Or a company reset, whichever comes first. Booker continues to be better than the rest of the roster by just wrestling matches instead of being lazy and goofy, which makes him a rare breed in WCW.

Sid saves Booker from the spray paint.

Dustin Rhodes says he’s going to cut Terry Funk up with the bullrope. As for Kidman tonight, he’s never heard the word the American Dream. Yes word, not words. So much for the Texas educational system.

Booker blames Kidman for the loss because Kidman didn’t have his back. True actually.

Vampiro vs. Hugh Morrus

Vampiro starts with the kicks and chops but makes the mistake of trying a headlock, allowing Hugh to suplex him down. Now it’s Morrus with the chops in the corner before biting Vampiro’s head. They head outside with Vampiro, who can forget about his main event spots I guess, being sent into a chair. An apron elbow crushes Vampiro again but Hugh takes too much time yelling at fans, allowing Vampiro to come back with a kick to knock Morrus back inside.

It’s time to go up top, but Vampiro dives into a powerbomb because we can’t let him look good for too long. No Laughing Matter connects but Morrus doesn’t cover. It’s table time but Vampiro gets off and throws Morrus off the top and through the table…..for two. It should be a DQ, but instead it’s two. Not that it matters as Vampiro plants Morrus with the Nail in the Coffin for the pin. Well that was anticlimactic.

Rating: C-. This was turning into a good brawl before they just let it end. I’m also not a fan of someone just not going for what should be an easy win for the sake of bringing in something to continue the match. There’s no logical reason for Morrus to bring in a table after he had Vampiro pinned, but it’s the only way to get to the ending they had planned. It’s illogical and takes away what they had going.

Kidman doesn’t like Booker’s tone.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

Demon/Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs/The Dog

This week Norman’s attire is in a KISS shirt. Demon and Dog fight inside while Knobbs chokes Norman on the barricade. There’s no word on if this is a hardcore match but I’ll go on a limb and say it is, because Heaven forbid we see Knobbs in a wrestling match. Dog gets clotheslined to the floor but comes back in with a spinebuster for a near fall.

Smiley comes in, screams at the Dog, and walks into the Pit Stop, followed by a slam from Dog. This of course leads to barking because HE’S A DOG. The brawling continues until Knobbs runs into Demon’s boot in the corner. Demon heads up top but here’s Lana for a distraction, because this match was just begging for more people. Knobbs superplexes Demon down and picks him back up for a middle rope powerslam from Dog (the Dog Pound) for the pin.

Rating: D. As has been the case with so many wrestlers, namely Demon and Dog, I’ll quote the age old classic Angels in the Outfield: “There’s a thing called talent. They don’t haven it.” That’s one of those things you just can’t get around. A good gimmick can cover a lot of flaws, but these guys have some of the worst gimmicks I’ve ever seen and very limited talent on top of that. How could they possibly work?

Long video on Uncensored.

Team Package loves the idea of having Hogan 2-1 tonight.

Kidman vs. Dustin Rhodes

Rhodes slugs him up against the ropes but Kidman comes back for two off a quick cross body. After a quick trip to the floor for a breather, Dustin comes back in and stomps Kidman down, only to eat a dropkick and Bodog out of the corner. For some reason Rhodes tries to go up but gets caught with ease. Kidman loads up a belly to back suplex but Dustin grabs the cowbell to knock him silly, setting up the bulldog for the pin.

Booker comes out to check on him but that’s Torrie’s job.

Total Package/Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

All three get their own entrances. Hogan charges to the ring like the moron he often is and gets beaten down, only to come back with a double noggin knocker as we flash back to 1986. After the usual array of clotheslines, one of which sends Luger to the floor, Hogan whips Flair into the corner and outside as well as we’re still in the part where Hogan actually tries.

Hulk follows them outside for a whipping with the belt before it’s back inside for REALLY bad looking punches to Flair. Seriously Hulk, they’re PUNCHES. You’ve thrown thousands of them in your career. If there’s one thing you should be able to do, it’s throw a freaking punch. Luger gets knocked to the floor again (bad night for him so far) and Flair tries chops because he’s not that bright.

To follow up on this theory, he goes up top and I’ll let you fill in the blanks for yourself. Hogan uses the belt again (I would complain about the lack of disqualifications around here, but it’s such a trend in WCW that it’s not even worth bringing up again), Flair finally hits Hogan low to take over. Everyone heads outside for more chops (which actually work this time) and some chair shots to Hogan’s back.

There’s another low blow and some stomping, followed by Flair whipping Hogan with the belt. A double clothesline drops Hogan and that’s all it takes for him to Hulk Up. Well at least they didn’t wait long this time. Hogan cleans house and blocks a chair shot from Liz before whipping both guys with the belt. Flair runs off and Hogan pursues to a double countout.

Rating: D+. Well, they did keep it moving. The one thing you can always count on from Hogan is to keep things moving and that’s what he did here. Now of course you have to ignore the lack of the referee doing anything, the lame punches and the bad brawling, but at least they didn’t let things get boring.

Overall Rating: C-. This was WAY better than what they’ve been doing recently as it was downright watchable. The wrestling ranged from good to just average bad instead of awful and they plugged Uncensored (yes it looks horrible on paper but they did a good job of building it). That’s really the best you can expect from Thunder these days: some decent wrestling and storyline support. It’s very much like a weak version of a modern day Smackdown, which is both encouraging and depressing in a way.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #231
Date: March 13, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 5,996
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

It’s the go home show for Uncensored 2000, meaning we might finally get a breather from all this nonsense if we can just get through one more week. The big draw tonight is the return of Hogan and Sting, because that’s what the world needs right now. Other than that we might even be treated to more Jarrett vs. Sid build. Let’s get to it.

Ric Flair is in the back with Liz and Luger and tries to apologize for Arn making a scene on Thunder. Ric is never going to ride with the old truck again because he’s going to be riding with the Luger Ferrari. Luger says Arn is part of Team Package.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Ric Flair with the Hogan weightlifting belt and something to say. He isn’t happy to be in this God forsaken part of the world but he has a point to prove. Let’s get right to it and get Arn Anderson out here, which gives us what might be the best thing of the night: the Four Horsemen music. Ric cuts Anderson off before he can say anything and declares Team Package the replacement of the Horsemen and promises the old life can rise again.

Anderson says that would be the easy thing to do, but he’s been thinking about all those years of bleeding all over this country and proving that they were the best wrestlers in the world. What Flair is trying to do with Luger is taking the easy way and it’s guaranteed for destruction, so Anderson wants to step away as Flair’s friend, because it’s not going to work.

This brings Anderson to the strap match with Hogan at Uncensored so Arn wants Hogan to come out here right now. Cue Hulk and Flair loses his mind. Hogan cuts Flair’s ranting off but Anderson promises Hulk that he won’t be there at Uncensored because he’s taking himself out. Flair: “WHAT???” Arn walks away but Hulk comes down the aisle, talking about being the man in wrestling for twenty years. He doesn’t want to wait until Sunday and the brawl is on but Luger runs out to blast Hogan with the bat. Flair and Luger get in some shots before leaving Hogan laying, clutching his shoulder.

Just like it has been for weeks, this was one of the best segments they’ve done in a long time, but it’s all about old guys who are going to eventually have a horrible match. That’s where these segments are wasted: the matches are going to suck because the two wrestlers are about 100 years old. Yeah they were talented back in the day, but those days were a long time ago and WCW never found a way around that.

Spring Break Out preview with Rachman and the Nitro Girls.

After a break, Hogan is being checked out as Jimmy Hart and Arn Anderson look on.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

The Dragons are Kaz Hayashi/Jamie-San/Yang. It’s a big brawl to start and I don’t think I’m going to be able to follow most of this. Jamie-San (Noble in a small mask) hurricanranas Helms into the corner to start before it’s off to Yang for a high cross body. That earns him a superkick to the jaw but there isn’t time to sell because Kaz comes in to throw Shannon to the floor for a huge flip dive.

It’s time for the parade of dives with everyone getting one in, including Shannon who gets back in and dives onto the pile. Back in and both teams have one guy break up a pin with a top rope splash or elbow, followed by Shannon hitting a sleeper drop to finally get the pin Jamie-San.

Rating: C+. I need a commercial to catch my breath. This is the old lucha style tag that made WCW work in the first place and it was still awesome here. These six guys were out there going nuts and showing off everything they could squeeze into four minutes. The fans were blown away here and that’s exactly the idea they were going with. Get used to seeing these guys because they’re going to be fighting a lot in the future.

Luger yells at Ric in the back and they’re going to take care of Hogan tonight. Ric is way too thrilled at Luger being willing to take him back.

Curt Hennig tries to get Anderson to stay but Arn is going to see his kids.

Silver King and El Dandy are reading their fan mail when Miss Hancock comes up. Dandy: “Do we not excite your groin?” How is that not a more famous line?

The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

They brawl into the corner to start where Wall handcuffs Bigelow to the ring for the DQ in 45 seconds.

Wall goes after Bigelow in the corner but Crowbar comes in with a big metal pole, only to get another chokeslam on the bad neck for his efforts. David Flair and his crowbar (the object) get the same treatment. Bigelow: “GET ME A KEY!!!” Wall chokeslams David through Crowbar through a table and gets in a few shots on Bigelow before we go to a break.

Here’s the NWO with something to say, but first they need to eject the girls. Jarrett says not so fast though because the fans might want to see some skin. If they do, they can look down their shirt so the girls can get out of here. Now for the serious business. Jeff has been hearing about how Sid has his number, so Jeff has a highlight reel of all the guitar shots to Sid’s head. Madden: “I might watch that one when I’m alone with my baby tonight.” As for tonight, the Harris Twins want to fight Sid and anyone he can find. Sid comes out and accepts the challenge and rambles for a bit before saying Vampiro is his partner.

Crowbar is taken into the ambulance as Bigelow says this is his fault. He wants Wall at Uncensored, even though it went pretty badly about ten minutes ago?

Harlem Heat is ready for Disco Inferno tonight and Booker/Kidman on Sunday. This was nothing.

Nitro Girls.

Clip of Paul Orndorff trying to sign a guy with massive arms at Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bodybuilding show. More on this later, because we’re just that lucky.

Booker/Kidman vs. Lane/Rave

Yeah Lodi is Rave now because changing his name every few weeks is the big solution. Kidman and Lane get things going as Miss Hancock comes out to do commentary. Rave breaks up a tag attempt to do some double teaming as Hancock talks about Kidman looking good to her. Somehow Torrie hears this despite being twenty feet away and gets in Hancock’s face but nothing comes of it. Kidman dropkicks Lane out of the air as everything breaks down. Booker’s kicks put Lane down and he goes up for the missile dropkick but Kidman rolls Lane up for the pin instead.

Curt Hennig vs. Total Package

Before Curt comes to the ring, Hogan returns in the ambulance. Oh dear, oh dear. It’s a brawl to start with Hennig sending Luger into the buckle a few times and scoring with a running knee lift. A shot with the cast drops Luger but here’s Flair for the DQ. I see this is another one of those wrestling shows minus the wrestling.

Post match Hogan (with two good shoulders) comes in for the save and wants a tag match tonight.

Vampiro is in the boiler room or whatever they’re ripping off this week and broods about how much he hates Jeff Jarrett. Tonight, Jeff can’t run and hide from this freak.

Brian Knobbs is looking for the Dog and finds him drinking from a toilet.

More Spring Break Out stuff.

The tag match is set for tonight.

Nitro Girls.

Sid is ready for Jarrett on Sunday. Powerbombs are promised.

Norman Smiley vs. The Dog

Dog has a hood on his head to calm him down so Norman comes up behind him for the spanking dance. Knobbs goes after Norman until the Demon comes out to even things up, Lane and Rave come out to take out Demon, and Norman makes the Dog tap to the Norman’s Conquest. This took about a minute total.

Knobbs says he’s hardcore and wants a fight with anyone right now.

Brian Knobbs vs. Terry Funk

Brian meets him with a trashcan shot as Funk gets in before a second puts Funk right back outside. Funk comes back by crashing some trashcan lids over Knobbs’ head before they fight into the crowd. Back in and they fight over a trashcan by lifting it into the air with both guys pulling it down onto the other’s head over and over. This brings out Evan and Shannon from 3 Count (Shane is still injured from earlier) to knock Brian out with the Hardcore Title to give Terry the pin.

Terry comes back in with the chicken to clean house (because that’s still a thing) but Dustin Rhodes runs out with the bullrope (because that’s still a thing) to lay out Funk.

Finlay is going to beat up Vampiro in their hardcore match on Sunday. That’s Vampiro’s reward for all his main event stuff because the US Title is being held hostage by the NWO. Again.

Vampiro/Sid Vicious vs. Harris Twins

Sid pounds on Don in the corner to start but the Twins quickly take over on Vampiro with Don getting two off a side slam. Ron charges into a spinning kick in the corner but the Twins cheat to stay in control. Vampiro is all like “whatever. Raven never said BRING IT ON so why should I?” The H Bomb puts Vampiro down but Sid tagged himself in to powerbomb Don for the pin.

Rating: D. So again, Vampiro is just kind of there as the rest of the boring people do their thing. To be fair, it’s not like Vampiro ever had a chance to do anything in the main event scene because he’s young and has flashes of charisma, meaning he had to be crushed at the soonest possible opportunity.

More Spring Break Out stuff because this is supposed to be interesting. I love how WCW insisted that everything had to be live but 3 Count is at these things so they’re not even trying to hide it here.

Flair and Luger are ready for tonight’s main event.

Stevie Ray vs. Disco Inferno

We cut to the back where the Harris Twins are beating up the Mamalukes to make Disco come out here alone. Not knowing this, Disco says the Mamalukes will put the belts on the line against any two members of Harlem Heat right now. Disco thinks he has the night off but Big T. and Cash disagree. Stevie drapes Disco over the top and kicks him in the face to start as Disco shouts for the Mamalukes to come save him. Back in and Disco grabs a swinging neckbreaker but Stevie Slapjacks him down for the easy pin. I’m not sure what the point of this was but it did fill in five minutes.

Hogan and Hennig are ready for the main event as well.

Team Package vs. Curt Hennig/Hulk Hogan

Team Package bail to the floor to start until it’s off to Hogan vs. Luger. Hogan wins a slugout in the corner as a big WWF sign can be seen over their heads. There are the running clotheslines and it’s off to Hennig as Madden talks about the power of adrenaline. Flair comes in as well to trade chops in the corner but is quickly sent to the floor for a chair shot from Hulk. We settle down to Luger vs. Hennig as I’m sure someone is bringing up Wrestlemania IX.

Luger finally kicks Hogan in the face to take over and it’s time for Flair to come in and chop Hogan because he never learns. To be fair though, that’s Flair in a nutshell: the chops to Hogan/Sting never work, the top rope chop barely ever works and he almost never wins a big match with the Figure Four, so he tries them every night because THIS TIME FOR SURE!

Luger cheats to keep control but Hogan hits his half of a double clothesline to put both guys down. Hennig gets the hot tag and everything breaks down with the good guys (well as good as Hogan can be) taking over. Hogan gets a bit too overzealous though and shoves the referee down for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not the worst main event tag in the world but the ending left a bit to be desired. Hennig isn’t even on the card on Sunday, which would seem to make him the perfect (see what I did there?) choice to take the fall here. I don’t hate the idea of having a DQ ending, but it wouldn’t have hurt to have a clean(ish) ending here.

Liz hits Hogan in the knee with the ball bat (Madden: “She swings pretty good for a girl.”) and Team Package hammers away, only to have the lights go out and…..it’s Vampiro? Oh and Sting too, as he brawls with Luger in the aisle and ring to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Well, they’re getting better. It’s still not a good show most of the time but the cruiserweight match was fun and gave the show a lot more energy than usual. Getting past Uncensored should do them a lot of good but there are still a ton of issues with this promotion, especially all the really bad hardcore brawls that last all of a minute and come off as a big waste of time instead of anything interesting. Sunday is going to be rough but I don’t think it can actually be less interesting than what we’ve been sitting through recently.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: March 8, 2000
Location: Lawrence Joel Coliseum, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Attendance: 5,109
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Can we please get to Uncensored already? I can’t take much more of Jarrett vs. Sid. It’s not that the match will be bad (even though it will be) but much more than it’s such an uninteresting feud. Jarrett is the US Champion when it could be used on almost anyone else who could use the belt, but instead he’s fighting for the World Title because someone saw a good run from him in the WWF and doesn’t get the idea of “this guy is a career midcarder”. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on Jeff Jarrett running through WCW. Why must they torment me so?

Opening sequence.

The ramp is off to the side instead of straight down the aisle this time.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Psychosis

Prince is defending. Juvy does his Rock stuff and joins commentary, but here’s Rey Mysterio of all people to do the same. Psychosis gets in a few shots from behind to start (isn’t Prince the heel here?) and dropkicks the champ into the corner. Iaukea bails to the floor but Psychosis lands a big dive, followed by some cheap shots from Juvy. You would think Rey would intervene here but I doubt he cares about Iaukea either.

Back in and Prince’s shots to the face have little effect so Psychosis dropkicks him again. The champ pulls the referee into Psychosis, leaving no one to count Prince’s shoulders down on a rollup. Due to his love of law and order, Juvy comes in and counts the pin but amazingly enough that doesn’t count and Prince loses by DQ. Too short to rate but Psychosis was trying to make the most of his time.

The announcers run down the card.

Bam Bam Bigelow apologizes to David Flair/Crowbar/Daffney (the guys are in neck braces) for what Wall did to them recently. There’s a story of Wall being an out of control monster, but you know they’ll screw it up in the end.

Lex Luger tells Ric Flair that Arn Anderson needs to be gone because he’s worthless. Flair says he’ll bring Anderson to Luger tonight.

The Demon vs. Idol

Demon’s casket takes forever to open. Even the production crew doesn’t want to see him. Demon kicks away to start and gets his foot caught in the corner on a boot. Just….dang man. Cue Miss Hancock but Lane won’t let her get on the announcers’ table. Idol comes back with a suplex and powerslam for two, followed by a DDT when Demon ducks his head. Hancock gets on the apron and kisses Idol, allowing Demon to hit a quick cobra clutch slam for the pin. How much longer is he going to be around?

Lane and Idol beat Demon down until Norman Smiley comes out for a failed save attempt.

Curt Hennig can’t wrestle tonight but he’s coming for Luger on Nitro because Luger is a lame bodybuilder.

Jarrett and the Harris Twins plan for later.

Here’s Bam Bam Bigelow who says he’s a laid back guy (huh?) but lately there have been some things going on that he can’t tolerate. He asks David Flair and Crowbar to come out here, even though they can barely walk. Both guys come out and have a seat in the ring so Bigelow can recap their recent attacks by Wall. Ok so he calls the chokeslam a bodyslam but close enough. Kind of.

This is all Bigelow’s fault because he broke the Wall into wrestling. Bigelow thought Wall was a friend, to the point that he made Wall the godfather of his youngest daughter. He apologizes but here’s Wall to interrupt. They say some things we can’t hear and Wall decks him before kicking down the guys with bad necks. It’s table time and Bigelow is thrown (called a chokeslam) through the wood, leaving Wall to beat up David and Crowbar a bit more. Crowbar gets chokeslammed and David gets shoved off the apron and onto Bigelow. Wall walks away with the carnage behind him.

I liked this way more than I should have as it’s a basic story but they’re using the veterans to build up some young guys. David and Crowbar get sympathy while Wall looks like an out of control monster. It puts the focus on the young guys and Bigelow looks like Dr. Frankenstein for introducing this horror to the world. Nice job.

Hogan has a bunch of straps for Flair. Does this require a joke? I didn’t think so either.

The Maestro vs. The Cat

This is the result of Maestro calling Cat out. As you might expect, Cat is a bit faster than Maestro and fires off kicks in the corner, only to miss an elbow drop. That’s enough wrestling as Cat goes for Maestro’s boom box, kicks him low and bashes him in the head with the box for the pin. How inept are WCW referees? I mean…..dang man.

Maestro is thrown to the floor and seems to blame Symphony.

Vampiro is annoyed. Again? Doesn’t he do anything but whine?

After a break, Vampiro is ready for Jarrett and the US Title tonight.

Lash Leroux says he’ll be seeing great things soon. Dustin Rhodes lays Lash out and punches him to ringside so let’s have a match.

Lash Leroux vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin punches, Lash punches, low blow, Dustin bulldogs him for the pin in barely a minute.

Post match here’s Terry Funk and he’s got the freaking chicken. I never thought I’d have to say this, but they trade shots with the chicken and fight into the crowd. Somehow, these two would still be at least somewhat active almost fifteen years after this.

Here are Luger and Flair with something to say. After telling a fat boy to sit down (that never gets old), Ric says he needs to apologize to Luger and asks Arn Anderson to come down here, apologize for making Flair look bad and serve Team Package. Arn does come out and Luger actually gives him the Horsemen sign. I keep forgetting he was part of the team at one point so it’s not heresy.

Anderson says he’s been subservient to Ric for so long that he’s forgotten how to stand up for himself. Flair tells him to go shake Lex’s hand but Arn brings up David’s 21^st birthday on Monday. Over the years, he and Ric haven’t been good fathers or husbands due to their schedules but there’s still a chance for Ric to be good to David. Ric’s career is going to be ending soon (again, Flair is still occasionally active at least twelve years after this show. That’s kind of amazing and sad at the same time) and it’s time for him to be a good father to David.

Arn is out here because David can’t be and asks why Luger is always out for himself. Like, why is this Team Package and not Team Flair? Ric says he’s done being a father and is ready for the team to ride again, if Anderson is willing to be Double A again. Anderson comes back by saying he’s got a fight or two left in them, but the real Double A would walk over Luger to get to the good fight. That’s such an awesome line and I have a feeling Luger has no idea what Anderson meant. Lex calls this all gibberish and tells Flair that he already has two strikes. If Flair lets him lose to Hennig on Monday, Ric is out.

As usual, when they let Luger stay in the background and not say much, Anderson and Flair can talk as well as any pair that I can think of. There’s a natural chemistry there that works so well and you can’t teach it. However, I’m hoping this leads somewhere with David, because otherwise it’s being wasted on Flair and Luger, who don’t need a story and Arn who is retired. Great segment, but I’m not sure I like where it’s leading.

Vampiro beats Finlay up in the back. This is a weird story as Vampiro is feuding with Jeff Jarrett in the main event scene and has this mini-side feud with Finlay.

Luger and Liz leave.

Meng vs. Fit Finlay

They slug it out and here’s Tank Abbott about thirty seconds in for the DQ.

Security breaks it up in a few seconds, making this totally worthless.

The Mamalukes are ready for their four corner elimination match tonight. Wait that’s just thrown on a Thunder? Well of course it is.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers vs. Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Booker T.

Mamalukes are defending, anyone can tag anyone, one elimination per team. I guess the Twins made bail. The champs and the Twins brawl to start and we get the bell before the other teams get here. Harlem Heat slowly comes out to join in with Booker coming out alone a few seconds later. Everyone hits everyone and Vito clotheslines Booker to break up a Spinarooni. What an uncultured swine.

Kidman and Torrie make their own entrance and all eight guys are in the ring at once so there’s almost no way to call this. We finally settle down to Stevie kneeing Booker in the chest until Booker kicks both of them in the ribs and pins Big T. off a side Russian legsweep of all things. Booker T. was the cure to the Armstrong Curse all along? Booker tags in Kidman to face Johnny and we take a break.

Back with with Kidman and Booker eliminated after Booker accidentally kicked Kidman in a reversal of Monday’s mistake. So it’s the Tag Team Title match at the pay per view on Thunder because WCW is stupid enough to not think this stuff through. Vito drops a top rope elbow for two on Don but Ron cleans house for the save. The H Bomb gets two more on Johnny with Disco coming in with a title belt for the cheap shot, allowing Johnny to get the retaining pin.

Rating: D+. So let’s recap: a Russian legsweep, a misfire that aired during a commercial and a pin off a belt shot from a manager, with the final two teams being the title match at the pay per view. How in the world did anyone think this was a good idea? Why not do a three way tag without the champs in there and then do a post match brawl? You get the challengers looking strong and don’t have the champions pin them. That felt so strange to type out because it’s such a stupid idea in the first place. The match was too full of action to be coherent but at least it wasn’t dull.

Disco takes an H Bomb post match but Vito clears the ring.

Stevie Ray says that was a two count and wants to fight Kidman and Booker on Nitro.

Diamond Dallas Page was on the Late Late Show. When is he going to be on the Bad Wrestling Show?

Long Sid vs. Jarrett video.

The Dog slobbers as Brian Knobbs talks about being hardcore. Yes, his entire character is that he’s basically a humanoid dog.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Vampiro

Jarrett is defending but first he asks if the girls want to flash Vampiro to distract him. He even asks the fans but then says no chance because the girls are going to the back where they belong. Vampiro starts fast and clotheslines Jarrett outside for some rams into the announcers’ table. Cue the Harris Twins to get in some cheap shots, allowing Jarrett to take over with a clothesline. So not only is Jarrett boring but he has boring help.

Jeff kicks him back outside so the Twins can get in some more shots, only to have the Mamalukes out to even things up. Vampiro and the Mamalukes sounds like a pretty sweet detective agency comedy. Back in and Vampiro plants Jarrett with a Rock Bottom but the referee is yelling at the tag teams.

Jarrett’s chair is taken away so he has to settle for two off a DDT. Nick Patrick gets bumped because WCW doesn’t know how to do anything else. Vampiro catapults Jeff into the corner and nails him with the belt as another referee comes out, only to have Patrick pull him to the floor at two. As they argue, Jarrett Strokes Vampiro onto the title to retain.

Rating: D. They’re doing a decent job of making Vampiro look like something interesting but it doesn’t help that he’s constantly jobbing every time he’s in there. Would it hurt to let him beat a Harris Brother? Or to beat someone not in the NWO so that he can actually get a win? Jarrett and the twins continue to suck the life out of anything they’re associated with and it’s already old.

Vampiro takes an H Bomb and gets spray painted to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. It says a lot that the second best segment of the show was Bam Bam Bigelow talking to the Wall. The wrestling was really lacking to barely there and somehow that might be the best option here. WCW’s wrestling really isn’t worth watching most of the time due to the people in there and how little time they have but their talking is usually good. Anderson and Flair continue to be masters, but they need to do something with someone young, because the former Horsemen don’t need a rub.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #230
Date: March 6, 2000
Location: Student Activities Center, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Attendance: 4,682
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

We’re getting closer to the horror that is Uncensored 2000 and Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious. Both guys are talented and have their place on the card, but the main event isn’t the right spot for either of them, especially coming off HHH vs. Foley and transitioning into HHH vs. Rock. Other than that, since we’re in North Carolina, you can pencil in Flair for a loss or some sort of humiliation. Let’s get to it.

We open in the back with Fit Finlay choking Vampiro after promising to teach him some respect last week. Vampiro fights back but we cut to the arena for some pyro.

Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi

Juventud Guerrera is out with Psychosis for his Rock stuff and promises to live la vida loca. Kaz quickly knocks Psychosis to the floor and dives onto both guys for a nice spot. Back in and a dropkick puts Psychosis (Madden keeps calling him Psycho) down again and a spinwheel kick fires Kaz up even more. This is more emotion than I’ve seen from him in a long time.

Psychosis grabs a quick gordbuster as Juvy sits on the apron. Cue Finlay and Vampiro to fight at ringside and then into the ring to really wake the crowd up. Psychosis’ top rope hurricanrana gets two but here are Paisley and the Artist etc to watch. Kaz gets dropkicked out of the air and takes the guillotine legdrop for no cover. Instead Prince gets on the apron and hits Psychosis with the belt, giving Kaz a rollup pin.

Rating: C. Yeah it was an overbooked mess, but it was a fun overbooked mess and that’s a good way to open a show. Kaz looked like a guy who was trying to make something of his TV time and I can never fault someone for doing that. It’s not a great match and Prince is still an anchor holding the division down, but this was the fast paced, fun match the division has been missing.

Psychosis and Juvy beat Prince down post match.

We look back at Jarrett pinning Vampiro last week.

Tonight’s main event: Sid/Vampiro vs. Jarrett/Don Harris. I’m digging these young guys getting main event slots but good grief the heels are dragging these things down.

Security finally breaks up Vampiro and Finlay, ten minutes after we first saw them fighting.

The NWO, in a room with couches and black walls, laugh off the idea of facing Vampiro tonight.

Disco and the Mamalukes aren’t worried about the Harris Twins. Johnny is swearing off cheese sandwiches until Uncensored and Vito is taking out Ron Harris tonight.

Vampiro is beating up various trashcans backstage.

Ricki Rachman and the Nitro Girls were at Duke University on Friday. This eats up far more time than it should. To their credit there was some money given to a children’s hospital so at least some good came from it.

Ron Harris vs. Big Vito

Harris stomps him down to start but Vito kicks him in the face. Tony: “Would you call that a Mafia Kick?” Madden: “I’d call it an Italian American Heritage Kick.” The Twins quickly switch places and Don hits Vito with a chain for the pin in less than a minute.

And never mind as instant replay shows the cheating and Vito wins. Disco and the champs take H Bombs until the Power Plant security guards and a cop come out and get beaten down as well.

David Flair, on his 21^st birthday, is going to beat up the Wall for hurting Crowbar on Thunder. That was one heck of a chokeslam through the table.

The Harris Twins are arrested for shoving the cop. I’m not sure why they both are when only one touched the cop but it’s wrestling logic.

The official tagline for Sid vs. Jarrett at Uncensored: the monster against the music. This is getting higher and higher on the list of horrible WCW ideas every single week.

The Wall vs. David Flair

Wall throws him to the floor to start and puts up a pair of tables. Daffney distracts Wall with screams, allowing David to hit him in the back with a crowbar. The metal rod to the back is no sold and David gets chokeslammed through both tables for the DQ.

Daffney cries over how hurt David may be. Trainers come out, as do Curt Hennig, Terry Funk and Arn Anderson. Curt says David’s old man should have been here. Ric was shown in the back earlier.

Back from a break with David being taken away on a stretcher. Bam Bam Bigelow yells at Wall for taking it too far so Wall hits him once, knocking him onto a table. Bigelow implied that he trained/mentored Wall before getting knocked six feet off a single punch.

The Dog vs. Evan Karagias

I’ve wondered this forever, but why in the world is Brian Knobbs’ theme music a rock version of My Sharona? Dog beats up all three members of 3 Count but gets triple teamed, drawing in Knobbs and Finlay. It’s eventually just Dog in the ring, leaving everyone else to mindlessly fight outside. Dog hits a running splash on Evan and then bites his ear. Finlay throws Evan into the barricade and we see Dog’s red eyes. All six get in again until Knobbs helps Dog with a middle rope powerslam to pin Evan.

Rating: N/A. It was long enough to rate but this was such a mess and the two people actually in the match were only together in the ring for about half the time. Much like the Tag Team Title feud, this isn’t interesting but at least it’s a feud that can be simply explained. That doesn’t make it good, but it makes sense which is more than you can say about a lot of stuff around here.

Ric Flair says his son is a big boy and can take care of himself. He’s ready for Hennig again tonight.

Jarrett yells at his three NWO girls about the situation tonight.

Nitro Girls for the first time in a long while.

Sid begs Vampiro to help him fight tonight. Vampiro says he’ll be there.

Here are Jarrett and the girls with something to say. Jeff ejects the girls (who now have names: Kim, Tylene and Midajah) and says tonight there was a travesty of justice. The Twins are gone, but Jeff has a replacement: The Wall. Again, well done on putting young guys in big spots, and for once that’s not sarcasm.

2XS (Lane and Idol) are on the phone but Idol says he lives here now so he’s over with the rats. They see Demon’s coffin and have an idea.

Curt Hennig vs. Ric Flair

Please give them time. Flair rips on the UNC Tar Heels basketball team and thinks they should be wrestling at Duke (UNC’s major rival) tonight instead. Curt chops away in the corner to start and gives Ric a backdrop as only Flair can take one. They head outside with Flair striking away until Hennig chops him against the barricade. Back in and Flair goes…well he goes Flair actually as he suckers Hennig into the corner for a low blow.

More chops on the floor have Curt in more trouble as the idea is Flair being more aggressive than usual because of Hogan. So yeah, we’re back to the RIC IS CRAZY because of Hogan idea from 1994. After some stomps to the leg, the Figure Four goes on but Hennig turns it over as you would expect him to do. They’re not exactly blowing the roof off the place here. Hennig makes his comeback but has to deal with Luger, followed by a quick PerfectPlex for the pin on Flair.

Rating: C. Totally acceptable match here but that’s par for the course from these two. Hennig vs. Flair is always good for a decent match and it’s nice to see an older guy like Flair still trying around here. Luger and Flair are a good enough heel team, but Luger is so worthless these days and it’s killing whatever good Flair brings to it.

Hennig’s arm gets broken but Arn Anderson comes out to stand over him. Luger pulls the bat back to hit him but Flair shakes his head no and Lex drops it.

Lane and Idol weld the Demon’s casket shut, because WCW catering now has blowtorches if you get the meal deal special. Demon comes up but gets beaten down because WCW isn’t scared of a lawsuit.

More Nitro Party stuff.

Hennig is taken into an ambulance.

Flair and Luger brag and Liz looks especially gorgeous here.

Lane vs. Norman Smiley

Idol is on commentary as Norman starts with some dancing. A victory roll doesn’t work so well and Smiley is sent outside, where Lane takes him down with a big flip dive. Back in and Lane gets slammed down but breaks up the Big Wiggle with a low blow. As usual, the referee sees this and doesn’t seem to care. Lane misses a moonsault (landing on his head) to set up Norman’s giant swing. Cue Miss Hancock to get on the table but she doesn’t dance. The distraction is enough for the Norman’s Conquest to make Lane tap out in a hurry.

Demon comes out to beat up Lane and Idol but gets in a staredown with Norman. Sure why not.

Sid promises to win at Uncensored.

An angry Tank Abbott is in the ring and doesn’t care for the GOLDBERG chants. He isn’t worried about Sid either because he only tapped because WCW was taking him off TV. Tank isn’t leaving until he gets a match.

Tank Abbott vs. La Parka

One punch knockout. I’m so glad La Parka was given a winning streak over the last few weeks.

Doug Dillinger won’t get Tank out of the ring so here’s Meng, but JJ Dillon threatens to dock him 60 days pay if he gets in. Nothing comes of this because having a fun segment isn’t something WCW will tolerate on their television shows.

Nitro Girls again.

Hogan, in a pre-taped interview, has signed release notes for the Yappapi Strap Match against Flair. He goes over the mindset behind the match and promises to strap Flair over and over. This was an old school promo but this isn’t an old school show.

Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

Kidman says he has a partner but gets beaten down before he can bring anyone down. After about thirty seconds of beating, here’s Booker to even things up. Booker cleans house but the double teaming gets to him as this actually breaks down into a tag match. Everything breaks down and there’s a Book End on Big T. with Kidman dropping a top rope elbow but Cash (or is it Cass?) pulls the referee to the floor. Stevie hits something on Kidman off camera for the pin, because pulling the referee to the floor isn’t a DQ in WCW. I think the better question is what IS a DQ in this company these days.

Here’s Dustin Rhodes with some barbed wire (clearly not real) and something to say. He knocks Terry Funk unconscious two weeks ago but Funk got up and kept coming because he’s a stupid old man. Dustin rips on the internet fans and says he’s ready to make Terry bleed tonight.

After we don’t hear the end of “you people s….” because SUCK of all things is censored, Terry Funk comes out to call Dustin a chicken. He imitates Foghorn Leghorn of all things and says he has Dustin’s illegitimate brother in a garbage bag. Inside the bag is a plucked chicken wearing a diaper because why not. Terry thinks Dustin wants a barbed wire match so Dustin throws powder in his face and piledrives him. The threat of a powerbomb makes Funk come back with a low blow and a slam onto the wire.

Jeff Jarrett/The Wall vs. Sid Vicious/Vampiro

Before the match, Jeff ejects the girls again. Tony makes the big announcement for Sting vs. Luger: it’s a lumberjack cast match with everyone whose arm Luger has broken will surround the ring. It’s a brawl to start with the big guys fighting out to the floor. We settle down to Vampiro working on Wall’s arm until Jeff gets in a cheap shot from the apron to change control.

Jeff comes in and works over Vampiro with that riveting Memphis style of his until Vampiro plants him with a Rock Bottom. The hot tag brings in Sid to clean house and chokeslam Jeff, but Wall breaks it up. Sid clotheslines Jarrett to the floor and the big guys grab each other by the throat, only to have Jarrett sneak in with the guitar to Sid. Wall chokeslams Sid and Jeff gets the pin to end the show.

Rating: D. I really didn’t care for this one but it’s nice to see someone like Wall getting a spot here. Vampiro was really just kind of there but it’s always cool to see the youth movement finally going somewhere. Unfortunately it ends with Jeff pinning Sid again to set up the lame World Title match down the line, but that’s WCW for you.

Overall Rating: D+. As boring as the main event stuff has been lately, this really wasn’t a bad show. They’re building up some coherent stories and the young guys are getting some higher spots on the card, which makes for a show that actually entertains at points. Now don’t get me wrong: it’s still really boring and the idea of Uncensored makes me cringe, but this has been a major upgrade over the last few months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: March 1, 2000
Location: Fargodome, Fargo, North Dakota
Attendance: 5,368
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

We’re getting closer to Uncensored, meaning it’s time for more matches that people don’t want to see and characters old enough to be our parents. The big story continues to be Sid vs. Jarrett, with a co-main event of WCW vs. the fans in a battle to make us accept Jarrett as anything but the career midcarder that he is. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Nitro, which actually wasn’t a total disaster.

Sid asks Terry Taylor if everything is ready, which it is. I have a feeling I don’t want to know what he’s talking about.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo is challenging. Tenay starts off by talking about Mysterio and Guerrera wanting to challenge for the title, meaning there’s no one active worth fighting the Prince. Nice job Mike. They slug it out to start with Chavo getting whipped into the ropes, only to float over into a DDT ala the Maivia Hurricane.

A spinebuster gets two on the champ and he gets sent outside, setting up a big plancha from Chavo, who looks more comfortable out there than he has in a long time. Back in and Chavo dropkicks him into the corner, setting up the tornado DDT, only to draw Paisley up to the apron. Since Chavo isn’t all that bright, the distraction lets Prince hit him with the belt, only to get caught for the quick DQ. Too short to rate but it wasn’t bad, which is the standard case for Chavo.

Sid has gotten his wish: a six man tag where he teams with Booker/Kidman (WOOT!) to face Jarrett/Harris Twins (TOOW!).

Luger thinks Vampiro is stupid and Flair is going to take out Bagwell. I’m digging these Flair vs. midcarders matchers.

Chavo says he went broke selling Amway products and is back to become Cruiserweight Champion. He steals Gene’s watch to keep up the family tradition.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

You would think this would be on Nitro, which is why it’s airing on Thunder. Because WCW you see. Before the match, Dustin stops to say that the fans make him sick and he doesn’t care about us anymore. We see a clip of Rhodes jumping Funk at an autograph signing earlier in the day. It’s clearly staged because there’s no way WCW had that many fans.

Back in the arena and Funk jumps Rhodes from behind with a chair. They fight to the floor with Dustin backdropping his way out of a piledriver and DDTing Funk on the concrete. Back in and some chair shots don’t knock Funk out as I don’t think this was a match despite the bell ringing. Security finally breaks it up.

The Harris Twins aren’t impressed by the Mamalukes giving them a pair of cement shoes and plan to give them an H Bomb. Jarrett says they’re ready for the six man tag tonight but first they need to eliminate some of their women through some contests.

Booker, Kidman and Sid talk strategy until the director shouts “clear.” THUNDER IS TAPED!!! How can they possibly make a mistake like that on a taped show? I know they only have one day to turn it around now, but Smackdown airs a day later in Canada and you don’t see mistakes like that. How in the world is that even possible???

3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay/The Dog

Dog is Al Greene, who is different than Big Al. Let’s keep this quick: weapons, brawling, no selling, 3 Count runs, press slam through a table to pin Evan.

La Parka now has a blue and white costume on and a new voiceover guy, who seems to be a fan of Konnan. From here on out, it’s one chair shot for La Parka and one for all his homies.

The NWO girls have a spelling bee. The only word spelled properly: rat.

La Parka vs. The Demon

Demon pounds away to start but gets crotched on top because Demon is a glorified comedy character minus any form of comedy. It’s already chair time but La Parka takes so much time setting up what looked like a huricanrana that Demon slaps him down off the top to break it up. Demon drops a dancing elbow and slaps on a full nelson, only to get kicked low. A corkscrew splash from La Parka is good for the pin to keep Demon as a loser.

Rating: D. I like La Parka and he was definitely getting more and more popular because he was a lot better than a good amount of the talent on the roster. Couple that with him getting over with a chair and there was no way he was ever going anywhere. Demon continues to be another dark spot in WCW but there are so many now that it’s rare to see a bright spot.

Nick Patrick preps Mark Johnson for his match against Mickie Jay. Who goes to NICK PATRICK for wrestling advice?

The spelling bee winner beats Gene in arm wrestling.

Sting says he’ll fight Luger for the last time at Uncensored.

Luger says what you see him do to Vampiro tonight is just a preview of what Sting will get. This is such a basic feud and works fine, but the fact that it’s about Lex Luger vs. Sting in 2000 kills anything it could get going.

Buff Bagwell hits on Miss Hancock. He does have good taste.

Total Package vs. Vampiro

They slap/chop it out to start as Tenay talks about Vampiro reminding him of Sting. Aside from the charisma, power and abilities, I’d say he’s almost right. Vampiro takes over with some strikes of his own, capped off by ducking a clothesline and superkicking Luger into the corner. The Sting comparisons show some merit as Luger backs off, only to sucker Vampiro in and drive him into the buckle.

Luger starts in on the back and hits a press slam followed by a powerslam. The Rack is countered as Vampiro slips down and kicks him in the face, followed by a hair pull bulldog. Cue Flair for a distraction, allowing Liz to hit Vampiro with the bat so Luger can Rack him for the win.

Rating: D+. Vampiro loses to a big name after performing far better in the match. Who saw that coming? It’s nice to see these guys getting to rub elbows with stars like Luger and Flair and at least it took cheating to beat him. Things are looking ever so slightly up and I can accept Vampiro losing, but can we get ANYONE but Luger in there? The guy doesn’t have it anymore and it shows badly.

Vampiro gets his arm broken post match.

Post break (and post replay of what we just saw), Vampiro won’t let the medics tend to him so Finlay attacks him.

Mickie Jay vs. Mark Johnson

Johnson hits him with a roll of quarters from Nick Patrick for the pin in about five seconds.

The same NWO chick wins the swimsuit competition. Thankfully Gene’s dirty old man gimmick is gone.

Crowbar vs. Wall

It’s a fast start as Crowbar knocks him off the apron and hits a flip dive. Wall gets sent into the barricade but shrugs off all the offense back inside. A big boot drops Crowbar and Wall chokeslams him for good measure. They head outside with Crowbar staggering him with a dropkick and blasting Wall with a chair. A top rope splash to the floor crushes Wall again but he’s still able to easily block a suplex back into the ring. They fight to the apron again where Crowbar charges at him, only to get caught and chokeslammed through the announcers’ table for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for the big spot at the end which really did look awesome. Crowbar is good for a violent, hardcore character and Wall is fine as an unstoppable force who will one day be stopped by some young up and comer. Well, at least that’s what would happen in a good wrestling company, so there’s no chance it happens here.

Crowbar gets stretchered out.

Video on Hogan vs. Luger. Isn’t it Sting vs. Luger now?

Sid/Kidman/Booker say they’re going to win.

The first three NWO girls are tied for last and the worst looking one is eliminated. The three jump the winner of the contests and attack her with makeup, meaning the fourth one is eliminated. This was somehow a bigger waste of time than it sounds.

Buff Bagwell vs. Ric Flair

After some posing to start, Buff headlocks him down and grabs the leg, setting up a Dusty Rhodes level figure four, sending Flair to the ropes for the break. Buff punches, backdrops, punches and punches some more until we get the Flair Flop. A backslide gets one for Buff and it’s time for more punching. The referee actually warns him about the punching, which lets Flair hit two straight low blows.

Flair starts chopping away until Buff gets tired of selling and fires off some right hands. See, now that is like something Sting would do, not be some lame supernatural inspired character. There’s another backdrop and a lame clothesline from Bagwell, followed by a superplex to put both guys down. Cue Liz and Luger to distract the referee (because no referee has ever watched wrestling) from counting the pin off a Blockbuster. A ball bat shot from Luger gives Flair the pin.

Rating: D-. Good night Bagwell was lazy. The entire match was punches, backdrops and a Blockbuster with a pretty lame superplex thrown in. Flair was doing his usual stuff but you can only get so far with a lame opponent and not much time. It’s a bad match and the ending was obvious, but at least they’re going somewhere with Luger and Flair.

Hennig comes out to save Buff from a post match beatdown.

We get another clip of the Crowbar chokeslam, which really did look good.

Bagwell picks up the eliminated NWO girl. Good grief could they make him look like any more of a loser?

Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Sid Vicious/Kidman/Booker

The NWO girls are sent to the back before the match. Booker and Jarrett get things going with a nice, basic sequence of shoulders and hiptosses until Booker slams Jeff into the corner for a tag to Ron. Before we get on with the match, I want to talk about that sequence for a bit. It was so simple but it was one of the more enjoyable things on the show. No it wasn’t much, but it was two guys who know how to wrestle doing their jobs. There weren’t any punches, interference or cheating, but rather two guys doing what they do best. Why is that so hard for WCW to do?

Anyway it’s off to Ron who eats a forearm from Booker and a bunch of dropkicks from Kidman, sending him over to the corner to tag Don. Kidman doesn’t do so well here as his Fameasser is countered and Don takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to Jarrett for some choking on the ropes but he misses the running crotch attack and staggers into Sid’s corner, but the referee would rather not be bored to sleep so Sid can’t do anything.

Speaking of sleep, we get Jeff’s countered sleeper spot before Kidman avoids a charge into the corner. Kidman tags both partners at once (because why not) and everything breaks down. Booker runs interference as Sid chokeslams and powerbombs Jeff. No cover of course as the Twins pull the referee to the floor, which isn’t a DQ because WCW. Kidman missile dropkicks Booker by mistake, giving Jarrett the pin.

Rating: C-. I liked this one better than I thought I would but they didn’t give it enough time to go anywhere. The big story here though was of course the two younger guys getting a shot in the main event. It’s not a major step forward but at least they’re being given a chance. Those two are by far the most qualified to move up the ladder and it’s nice to see them getting a foot up the rungs.

Kidman and Booker both take H Bombs and Sid gets guitared to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. This show was a mess with a bunch of bad matches and really lame stories with little advancement. That’s the big thing: nothing happened here as we continue towards Jarrett vs. Sid in a match no one wants to see in the first place. I know they’re setting up Sting vs. Luger, but, just like the other match, no one wants to see that either. Just a bad show with nothing going on in a bad promotion with nothing going on.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #229
Date: February 28, 2000
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,638
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

The big story coming out of Thunder is that the old guys are actually starting to mix it up with the younger guys in the form of Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk and Vampiro vs. Ric Flair. I fully expect WCW to screw this up as only they can, but it’s nice to dream for a little while. I’m sure Luger and Hogan will be here tonight to explain how things really work in wrestling. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the last week, with Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon (yes of Batman) and Luger/Flair taking over the shows by beating up Hogan and anyone else who get in their way.

Sid arrived earlier today. Yes, he actually CAME TO WORK. Tonight he defends against Tank Abbott. Oh how this company continues to fail. Can’t we get some Greg Valentine title shots again?

Jarrett doesn’t care if Abbott wins because he has a guaranteed title shot. At least they’re wearing NWO gear now and Jeff has his US Title. They must be listening to me.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. 2XS

The Italians are defending and the challengers tell Miss Hancock to stay in the back because she’s messing up their rat chasing. Lane and Idol start things fast but here’s Hancock for commentary as the champions take over. A kick to the head and neckbreaker drop Lane. Disco: “Why are you being so nice to her?” Madden: “SHUT UP DISCO!!!” The camera is smart enough to stay on Hancock instead of the match which sees both guys on the mat.

Idol comes in and cleans house as everything breaks down. Hancock gets on the table to dance (and keeps having to pull her skirt, if you can even call it that, down). Everyone but Vito (down) is distracted, allowing Vito to get up and plant Idol with the DDT for the pin. Tony: “Finally something happens in the match.” The match was short and we missed way too much of it looking at Hancock, making this one of the more entertaining matches in a long time.

Vito wants more dancing and Hancock is happy to oblige, only to have the Harris Twins come in to clean house. Thankfully it doesn’t seem that Hancock is with the Twins. They want a title shot.

We run down the card.

The KidCam sees Bagwell hitting on Liz. This is totally and completely different than GTV. This was also taped earlier as Luger, Liz and Flair are watching. Ric wants to take Bagwell out for this.

Bigelow picks Sid to beat Abbott tonight.

The Nitro Girls are at Ohio State as we’re getting ready for Spring Breakout.

Hogan, with his weightlifting belt back, wants a Yappapai strap match with Flair at Uncensored. You can hear the fans boo when he calls himself the greatest of all time.

Here are Flair (with another weightlifting belt), Luger and Liz with something to say. Flair yells about Hogan like the good old days when he was a psycho. Luger calls Sting a no-show (true actually) and says tonight the Stuff gets snuffed. Lex keeps going by ripping down Minnesota so here’s Curt Hennig of all people to challenge Flair to a match tonight. I haven’t heard Hennig this fired up in years. Flair says it’s on and Hennig promises to streak down the streets of Minneapolis if he loses.

Booker blames the tag team loss on Thunder on Kidman being on the floor with Torrie.

Torrie and Kidman want the KidCam back.

Nitro Girls.

Madden talks while Tony is on the phone. The results of the call: Sting will be here tonight. They needed a call to confirm that?

Jarrett promises to win the title at Uncensored and doesn’t know who Vampiro is. For some reason he specifies that it’s Uncensored 2000, as opposed to Uncensored 45.

Booker vs. Kidman

Imagine that: taking two young, talented people and having them fight each other in a meaningless match instead of building them up. Booker elbows him down for two but gets caught in a victory roll for the same. The ax kick plants Booker but here come the Harris Twins for the DQ.

Both guys take H Bombs and Torrie gets knocked off the apron.

Gene calls Cassius the mystery man. I know he isn’t a dirty old man now but I’d prefer that over stupid. Harlem Heat thinks you should have someone watching your back.

Lash Leroux thinks Sid wins tonight.

Here’s a clip of a guy with 28 inch arms at the Arnold Classic. Good for him.

Norman Smiley is going to beat up Dustin Rhodes for Dustin hurting Terry Funk. Anything new for Norman is an upgrade.

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs is defending after Finlay beat 3 Count on Wednesday. Brian fights all three of them off using the cast and everyone uses weapons. There’s a Pit Stop for Shannon and Knobbs throws him out to the floor. Tony mentions that this is a Night of Champions. Thanks for telling us that nearly halfway through the show. Moore gets powerbombed through a table but a trashcan lid shot and a dog pile is enough to pin Knobbs and give us a triple champion.

Vampiro wants to show Jeff Jarrett some pain tonight.

Knobbs wants a rematch. Finlay thinks it’s time to make 3 Count’s lives miserable, starting with a six man tag on Thunder with a surprise partner. It’s time to bring out the dog. Oh dear.

Norman Smiley vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin comes out to an instrumental version of his old “Well they call him the natural” theme. Norman is wearing full football pads and puts on a bearhug of all things to start. A cross body puts Dustin down but for some reason doesn’t cause him any major pain. Some dancing sends Dustin to the floor before the swinging slam sets up the Big Wiggle. Dustin will have none of this fun and the beating is on. He drops Norman chest first onto the barricade, which should have no effect due to the pads but WCW in 2000 is stupid enough to defy science. Back in and a top rope clothesline is enough to give Dustin the pin.

Nick Patrick picks Tank Abbott. I’ll give them this: at least they’re trying to make this feel important.

US Title: Vampiro vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff is defending and has a bunch of women with him but quickly sends them to the back. Before we get to the match, we get a quick recap of Jeff guitaring everyone, which now cost him $10,000 apiece. They start fast with headlocks into headscissors but Vampiro starts firing off the kicks. That goes nowhere so they head outside with Jarrett dropping him on the barricade to take over.

Back inside and it’s Jarrett in control but Vampiro catches himself off a monkey flip. That earns him a clothesline as this has been almost all Jarrett so far. A quick Rock Bottom gets two for Vampiro and some small packages get the same, but here are the Twins for a distraction. Sid comes out to chase them off but the referee doesn’t see the cover off Vampiro’s Nail in the Coffin. Jarrett hits a quick belt shot for two (with the bell ringing anyway), avoids the guillotine legdrop, and hits a quick Stroke to retain.

Rating: D+. Notice the difference between this and Flair vs. Vampiro on Thunder: here Vampiro got in almost nothing until a bunch of interference screwed Jarrett up. On top of that, Jarrett pinned him clean. That’s not a good way to make Vampiro look good, but this was about setting up Sid vs. Jarrett instead of doing anything for anyone else.

The Mamalukes pay a guy to give the Harris Twins a package.

Ricki Rachman, an annoying tattooed guy who does promotional stuff, talks to Disco Inferno about 3 Count while sitting at a restaurant at Ohio State. Seriously.

Fit Finlay attacked Vampiro during the break. Why you ask? Not answered, just like when he did it on Wednesday.

David Flair dances with the Nitro Girls but Daffney catches him. I’d make a “well maybe he didn’t think she was watching like everyone else” but it was too easy. Everything is cool after a few seconds.

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. David Flair

David is challenging and Crowbar is on commentary. Prince licks his own finger and points at David so David points back at him. Crowbar does an actually funny Gordon Solie imitation, getting in every catchphrase he can. Prince takes him down with some right hands but Crowbar shoves him off the ropes. David covers for two but the girls get in a fight, allowing Prince to hit his middle rope DDT to retain.

Sid has been attacked and a guitar is seen nearby.

The NWO leaves but the guy from earlier delivers the package to the Twins. It’s a dead fish. Eh I’ve seen worse.

Sid has been banned from strenuous physical activity. Well Sid hasn’t been strenuous in the ring for years so that should be fine. Sid comes up and says he’s fighting tonight, even though he’s dizzy.

The Cat vs. The Maestro

Cat insults some fat fans before Maestro comes out. Symphony carries out a boom box with the music Stro has to listen to as part of the bet. The boom box plays what sounds like 3 Count, Maestro freaks out and hits Cat with the boom box and gets the pin.

Liz and Luger have lost the bat.

Kidman picks Tank Abbott.

Ric Flair vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig slugs away in the corner to start and nails a backdrop, followed by some chops in the corner. Flair gets slammed off the top as this has literally been all Hennig so far. We get a ref bump because wrestling has gotten too complicated around here. The PerfectPlex has Flair in trouble but Luger comes in for the save. A low blow gives Ric the pin.

Rating: D+. This is a hard pairing to screw up but they came close with less than four minutes, a ref bump and interference. Either give them more time and cut out stuff like Cat vs. Maestro or…..actually just cut that match and give this match the time. There’s no real reason to not be able to give more than one match seven minutes or so, but they’re cramming so much stuff in here and it’s screwing up the rest of the card.

Meng, who can suddenly speak English, can’t decide who wins the main event.

More stuff from Ohio State.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

Again. These two have fought more than maybe any other pair in Nitro history. So is Buff officially a face, even when he’s trying to steal someone’s woman? Some quick dropkicks have Luger in early trouble but they head outside with Luger choking away on the table. We hit a reverse chinlock back inside and Buff slaps the mat but the referee doesn’t care. How stupid does Bagwell have to be to not even blink when Bagwell taps the mat while in a submission? Bagwell gets his knees up to crotch Luger and makes his comeback, including a Vader Bomb for two. Buff goes after Liz but Flair comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. I’m sick of these two fighting, even when you set something up earlier in the night. The fact that it’s there to set up another Luger match because he’s still getting pushed for whatever reason doesn’t help either. Flair is the highlight of this team though and at least he’s willing to help build up some stars.

They load up the Pillmanizing but Sting returns for the save. Returns after being gone for a week that is.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Tank Abbott

Tank is challenging and comes in on a motorcycle. Sid is wobbly with glazed over eyes. I’m going to assume he’s fine. His taped up ribs seem a bit more serious. Tank grabs a front facelock and shouts GO TO SLEEP. That goes nowhere so Tank punches him in the ribs, amazingly showing some psychology. We hit a reverse chinlock before a bunch of body punches put Sid down again. Back up and Sid grabs a sleeper which he turns into the Crossface to make Tank tap.

Rating: D. Well, they tried some psychology but it wound up being a bunch of punching and chinlocks until Sid grabbed a hold to retain. This could have been far worse, but I could have gone for them sacrificing Tank to someone who needs the win instead of the World Champion. At least it was short and made sense though.

Overall Rating: D. The shows have had a bit more energy in recent weeks, but that might just be due to me giving up on fighting. It is however nice to see the younger guys at least being moved up the card, though unfortunately they haven’t actually won anything yet. This week was better, but they need to keep pushing forward and get away from these horrible main events already.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011T13PV4

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: February 23, 2000
Location: Lawlor Events Center, Reno, Nevada
Attendance: 3,777
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

After Monday it’s very clear that this is the old guys/NWO (assuming you still think of them as the NWO) show. The wrestling has taken a backseat to “let’s see how simple a feud the old guys can put together” and it’s really not working too well. There have been a few glimmers of light with some young guys getting some upgrades lately and hopefully they continue tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap from Monday.

Mike Graham talks to Kevin Nash but Nash’s memory is screwed up from the guitar shot. He doesn’t remember that he’s Commissioner but likes the idea once Graham reminds him.

Opening sequence.

Evan Karagias vs. Fit Finlay

Finlay breaks up the performance. There’s going to be a long list of heels for doing that. Finlay quickly slugs Karagias outside and beats up the other two to break up the interference attempt. Shannon’s chair shot has no effect so Evan takes the Regal Roll in the aisle. A trashcan lid knocks the chair out of Evan’s hands so Shane hits Fit in the back with the big green circle. Back in and Shannon hits a dropkick from behind, only to have the band screw up, allowing Finlay to tombstone Evan for the pin. One more time, please, TELL US IF IT’S HARDCORE.

Nash and the nurses are in the dressing room and they remind him that he’s the Commissioner. If he’s the Commissioner, the nurses need to call Batman because the Joker is on the loose. If that doesn’t work, call Bruce Wayne because he always knows where Batman is. I’m trying to hate this. I want to hate this. I should hate this……but this is so stupid and Nash is so funny when he’s trying to be that I’m digging it. I mean, yeah the fans are going to run away as fast as they can, but would you rather see Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon from the 1960s Batman show or watch a Lex Luger match?

Jarrett says Sid loses at Uncensored.

Buff hits on Daffney like he did with Symphony on Monday, earning him a scream to the face.

Here’s Ric Flair, holding Hogan’s weightlifting belt, for a chat. Flair rips on the town and calls a fan fat boy because he’s Ric Flair and how can he not say those things? Flair mentions whipping Hogan on Monday and talks about Luger being oh so amazing. My goodness does 1988 mean nothing anymore? Since Flair has the belt and Luger has a match with Sid tonight, Ric wants an opponent. This brings out…..Vampiro? As WCW races to find out how old Vampiro is, he agrees to give Flair a beating tonight. I know Vampiro isn’t the most popular guy in the world, but a veteran fighting a young guy is very, very good.

La Parka’s dubbed voice talks about how he’s back. Gene: “Not this again.”

David Flair is annoyed at Daffney for Buff hitting on her.

Nash thinks he needs to call Alfred…..but gets Ralphus. Oh yeah this is going to be good.

Berlyn vs. La Parka

Sure why not. Berlyn rants about how much American sucks and how he can’t wait to get out of Reno. I’ll take cheap heat over no heat. La Parka does the chair dance but Berlyn doesn’t like dancing gimmicks and dropkicks him down. Fans: “USA!” La Parka tries a DDT but gets countered into a German legsweep, only to have the masked man go up top and hit a corkscrew dive for the pin in less than a minute. The TV version doesn’t make it any more logical.

Bagwell blames Kidman for the KidCam footage earlier tonight. Kidman says the camera was stolen….and doesn’t do anything else. In a normal world, that would set up a match but here, it sets up a commercial.

Shane challenges Tank Abbott to a fight. Actually Shane is now calling himself Mike Jones (his real name). Big Al and the knife aren’t mentioned, which is probably better for everyone.

Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair

David gives Daffney the crowbar and tells her to shut up. That’s not nice. A quick slam puts Buff down so he comes back and punches David in the face a few times. Buff nails a clothesline and punches Flair in the face to break up a sunset flip. I’m really not sure who I’m supposed to be cheering for here and I’m really not sure I care anyway. David loses his shirt and here come Maestro and Symphony because their thing on Monday is turning into a feud. Daffney yells at the two of them and holds up the crowbar, which David is sent into head first, setting up a reverse DDT to give Bagwell the pin.

Post match Bagwell beats up Maestro and Symphony. Again, who am I supposed to cheer for here?

SuperBrawl clips. Clips, not stills.

Tank Abbott vs. Mike Jones

It’s Virgil, who gets punched out in about a minute. I don’t think the details in between are all that important.

Ralphus comes in to see Nash (despite not recognizing him on the phone). The big man (Nash that is) thinks Sid is the Joker. Ralphus: “Concussion?” Nurse: “Bingo.” Nash: “B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o!” Dang it I laughed. Why did I have to laugh?

Vampiro vs. Ric Flair

Please don’t waste him. Please don’t waste him. Please don’t waste him. The fact that I’m begging for Vampiro to look good is a very telling sign. They start slow with Vampiro hitting an early shoulder before grabbing a legbar out of nowhere, sending Flair off to the ropes. Vampiro flips out of a knee crusher and hits some clotheslines. Flair bails to the floor as we’re firmly in his formula. Back in and Flair gets in a thumb to the eye to set up the chops in the corner.

That earns Flair a spinwheel kick as this is going exactly as it needed to. The guillotine legdrop misses though and we’ve got a knee injury. My goodness Flair has a great luck streak of opponents coming up with a bad knee against him. Some kicks to the leg set up a Figure Four but Vampiro small packages him for two. Cue Luger and Liz to make sure Vampiro is put in his place. Vampiro kicks him down again but Luger hits him in the knee with a ball bat, setting up the Figure Four for the win.

Rating: C. Well….it was an improvement. Notice that Flair is more than willing to let Vampiro get in a ton of offense before the ending, making it a far more even match. That’s the key thing that so many wrestlers never got: you can take a beating and even take a loss, because if you’re someone at or even near Flair’s level, you can get a single win or cut a single promo and no one is going to remember this. For Vampiro, it’s one of the biggest matches of his career. Why almost no one else ever got that is beyond me, but it would have done wonders for WCW.

Vampiro gets a big beatdown post match.

Kidman and Booker are a team now.

Vampiro won the match by DQ due to Luger and Flair beating him down. It’s better than nothing at least. For some reason Finlay jumps Vampiro from behind.

We recap Dustin Rhodes turning on Funk on Nitro.

Here’s Dustin to explain his actions, but first he has to tell a fan to shut up. If Funk respects him so much, why did he do what he did on Monday? He was born and bred into this business to be great but all he wound up with was a broken home and a closet full of gold costumes. If you don’t like his new attitude, you can all CENSORED off because he doesn’t care anymore. Dustin remembers all the nights that Terry put his daddy in the hospital.

Dusty isn’t here anymore but Dustin is here to kill Funk if he messes with the Rhodes Family. He can’t wait to light up a victory cigar and put it out on Funk….who appears on the screen. If Dustin wants to rekindle the Rhodes vs. Funk feud then so be it, because both Dusty and Dustin are big piles of manure. Dustin beats up some production guys because he’s an EVIL cowboy. It was a pretty good promo, but it’s setting up a match against Terry Funk, which defeats the purpose.

This Week In WCW Motorsports.

Mickie Jay gets permission to beat up Slick Johnson. Why is this still a thing? Seriously, who thinks that a referee feud is worth anything? If it isn’t Nick Patrick or Earl Hebner or Charles Robinson not as Little Naitch, who cares?

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Crowbar

Prince is defending, but first we get to hear Paisley talk about what a genius he is. Right. Anyway, after Crowbar lays his namesake gently in the corner, Prince slaps him in the face to get things going. Iaukea slowly stomps away because that’s what fans want out of the cruiserweight division. An attempt at a toss over the ropes doesn’t work though and Crowbar headscissors him out to the floor.

Crowbar hits a splash off the apron but Charles Robinson grabs Crowbar’s crowbar to keep this fair. Back in and the middle rope DDT is countered into a northern lights suplex for two on the champion but the girls get involved to flirt with the opposite guys. Cue a catfight with Daffney losing her wig, allowing Iaukea to hit a superkick and the middle rope DDT (read as a forearm to the back) to retain the title.

Rating: D+. Iaukea reminds me of the old World Junior Heavyweight Champions from the early 1980s. They didn’t wrestle anything like the cruiserweight style and were really just wrestlers at a lower weight having matches, which doesn’t make for entertaining matches most of the time. Crowbar continues to be a hidden gem and likely destined to be cannon fodder for Brian Knobbs.

Sid is ready for the main event against Luger.

The Wall vs. Disco Inferno

2XS attacks the Mamalukes in the back, leaving Disco all alone. Panic sets in and Disco tries to offer Wall a handicap title match but gets kicked in the face instead. A press slam drops Disco again but he avoids a charge in the corner. Disco hammers away with a clothesline, punches, stomps and a neckbreaker but runs right into the chokeslam for the pin. Wall wins again, which is a good sign before some old midcarder beats him.

Luger and Liz are ready for Sid. For some reason Luger calls himself Sid.

Booker/Kidman vs. Harris Twins

So much for letting this build up. The Leave it to Beaver music is gone, somehow making Booker even lamer. Ron throws Kidman around to start until Kidman scores with a dropkick and Bodog. That’s about it for Ron selling though as he throws Kidman outside instead of trying to do anything interesting. To be fair it’s getting him the biggest push of his career so why change things up? Back in and a side slam sets up the tag off to Don, who whips Kidman across the ring twice and tags back out.

Kidman finally counters a slam with a headscissors and makes the hot ta…..oh wait I can’t say hot for Booker after the lawsuit. Uh…..Kidman makes the tag with absolutely no temperature relevance whatsoever and Booker cleans house. A Rock Bottom plants Don and sets up the ax kick but Kidman gets laid out on the floor, allowing an H Bomb to pin Booker.

Rating: D+. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Booker has been in a feud about the letter T. and Kidman has been having a semi-featured feud with Vampiro and now they’re teaming together for a glorified squash against the Harris Twins, who are lackeys for a midcard champion chasing the World Title. Welcome to WCW in 2000.

Video on Regal vs. Duggan for the TV Title this Saturday on Saturday Night. That sounds like a way to write Regal out of the company.

Total Package vs. Sid Vicious

Non-title and the NWO is watching from the back. Sid shoves Luger around with ease and throws him to the floor for the worst ram into the steps I’ve ever seen. There must have been at least ten inches between Lex’s face and the steps but he sold it anyway. These guys just do not care anymore and it’s very obvious. Back in and Lex wins a test of strength but Sid fights up as heroes always do. The powerbomb is loaded up but Flair runs in to slug away on Sid for no effect. Luger gets chokeslammed but Liz gives him the ball bat to break up a powerbomb for the DQ. Yeah that Flair interference wasn’t enough for a bell.

Rating: D. Maybe in 1990 but it doesn’t work here. This was another lame main event match between the “draws” as Luger continues to be one of the worst top stars I’ve seen in a long time. All he does are forearms and punches plus the motion for the Rack. Luger and Flair are decent as a heel team but it stops as soon as Lex gets in the ring.

Flair and Luger beat Sid up and the NWO (you can tell it’s them as they now have an NWO sign in their room) is stopped by some referees. Jarrett guitars Mickie Jay to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was still bad, but it was at least better. There are some things going on in here like the Flair vs. Vampiro match and the KidCam stuff, but of course there’s more than enough bad bringing it back down. The Dustin vs. Funk feud could work better if Funk could actually work a match instead of a brawl, but at least there’s something new there. I’ll take small glimmers where I can get them, but this was just a few steps better than the drek they’ve been putting on recently.

Monday Nitro #228
Date: February 21, 2000
Location: Arco Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 9,408
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

It’s the night after SuperBrawl and almost nothing has changed. That’s about as close to the truth as you can get here as no titles changed hands, unless you count a tournament final for a new champion. The big story continues to be Hogan/Sting vs. Flair/Luger as we’re back in the earliest days of this show, minus Randy Savage. Let’s get to it.

Quick recap, with clips instead of stills. Yeah even WCW knows no one was buying the replay.

The NWO, all three of them, arrive. Jarrett promises to get the title by the end of the night but doesn’t even have the US Title on him.

Gene tries to bring out Hulk Hogan to start but here’s Luger instead. Luger calls out anyone that cares about this business to match his physique and yells about the lack of respect. He keeps ranting about Hogan’s arm being broken so here’s Hulk with something to say. Hulk was tired about hearing Luger wanting a next time, so how about that next time being tonight? Oh and there’s a cage above the ring in case someone wanted a challenge, so the rematch is on.

The announcers run down the card for tonight. I can get this on a TV show, but the pay per view version still makes no sense.

Here’s the NWO as the announcers talk about James Brown. That’s still a sore subject guys. Jarrett is tired of being screwed but has a contract saying he’s guaranteed a rematch in case he didn’t leave SuperBrawl with the title. Jarrett says Nash signed that contract, which might be due to the concussion from the guitar shot last week. One last thing: the Harris Brothers are going to be going after anyone Jarrett picks tonight. Great. Another boring team running rampant all night. Can you really still call these guys the NWO when none of them wear NWO gear?

Sid arrives, sans bags or title.

Kidman can’t find his camera.

Madusa looks at the card for tonight and is annoyed that she isn’t on it. She rants about Oklahoma because we need a recap and breaks the board as she shouts about wanting a women’s division. Apparently this is all Oklahoma’s fault.

Kidman vs. Lash Leroux

They trade some flips to start as the announcers debate if Jarrett’s document is valid. It’s going to be one of those stories isn’t it? Speaking of one of those, it’s one of those nights as the Twins come in and destroy Kidman and Leroux. I’m so glad to see Kidman being rewarded for his awesome work recently.

Whoever has stolen the KidCam films Buff Bagwell hitting on Symphony and ripping on Maestro. She turns him down so he says this never happened.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

During the entrances, Tony shills the WCW Magazine, featuring a profile on NWO 2000, complete with Nash and Bret. Finlay blocks an early spinwheel kick and hits Vampiro with his cast. They head outside as Tony promises a ruling on the Jarrett situation next segment. I wait with bated breath. On top of that, the cage match will be last man standing. Heaven forbid Luger take two falls in two days.

Finlay hits him in the throat with a chair and of course the referee is fine with it. Back in and Finlay puts on a half crab of all things but he’s no Lance Storm, meaning Vampiro easily escapes and hits a top rope spinwheel kick, followed by Finlay missing a charge into the post to give Vampiro the rollup pin.

Rating: D. Why do we even have referees at this point? A cast shot and a chair to the throat aren’t enough to draw a DQ? Vampiro does seem like someone who is getting a push, which makes me wonder why he didn’t go over Kidman last night. At least he’s walking after that semi-botched reverse tornado DDT or whatever it was.

Maestro jumps Buff and we’ve got a match for later.

Madusa whispers something to La Parka. He says si.

Booker is upset that he’s lost so many things in his life but he wants Stevie Ray to know that it’s over.

Booker vs. Big Vito

Before the match, Disco has an offer for Booker: he can fight a handicap match for the Tag Team Titles. A right hand seems to be a yes and we’re on.

Tag Team Titles: Booker vs. Mamalukes

The team takes over on the outside until it’s Vito taking over inside, only to have Booker kick both of them down. The Spinarooni sets up the side kick but Disco crotches Booker on the top for the DQ. What in the world was the point of the handicap match if that’s how it was ending?

The Harris Twins come in and clean house.

Terry Funk, with Dustin Rhodes behind him, says you can’t keep him down when he has someone like Rhodes in his corner. Dustin is tougher than his dad and tonight they’ll take care of, who else, the Harris Twins. Rhodes says he would bet on the two of the and tonight the Twins bite the dust. Even if they do, it won’t be a disqualification.

Main event stills.

Sid is livid about something he saw.

Harlem Heat, with Big T. all in pink for reasons I’m not interested in, says that’s what happens to someone like Booker when they turn their back on everyone. Biggs says they have all the royalties now. The new member, formerly known as 4×4, is dubbed Cassius. This would be a better reveal if Madden hadn’t said the name in a throwaway line earlier.

Cruiserweight Title: La Parka vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea

The Artist is defending and Oklahoma is on commentary. I’m not even going to wait on this one: La Parka is Madusa. You know it, I know it, and thankfully they make no attempt to hide it. More importantly than that though, I really don’t want to know what Madusa agreed to in order to get that suit, or what La Parka looks like in Madusa’s gear, which he must be wearing at the moment.

Oklahoma gets in the ring and rips the mask off to shock no one. She slaps at Oklahoma because she’s forgotten she knows martial arts, but here’s the real La Parka to hit Oklahoma with a chair. That earns him a middle rope DDT from the pin from the Prince because somehow, that was still a match.

Flair rants about Hogan as Luger warms up.

Terry Funk/Dustin Rhodes vs. Harris Brothers

They’re a team now for reasons. Jarrett jumps in on commentary as the Twins take over to start. Ron slugs Funk down and gets two off an elbow drop as Dustin plays cheerleader. At least he’s not in the 99 Goldust attire at the time. A slam gets two more as I’m thinking having the Twins just run in and hurt people is better than sitting through them wrestle.

The Twins start switching as they’re wearing the same clothes and does it really matter? Well, it does if you’re fighting for the World Title but we won’t hear about that on TV anyway. Terry takes over on Don and puts on the toehold but a Jarrett distraction breaks it up. Sid comes out to chase Jeff away, but not before he knocks out a security guard. We follow the chase to the back and come back to Dustin coming in and turning on Funk. That’s enough of the match so we cut to Jarrett getting in the car. Back to Rhodes wearing Terry out with a chair and that’s the DQ.

Rating: D-. This is going to be the Harris Twins’ show and that wouldn’t fly even in Memphis. Rhodes vs. Funk is as close as we’re going to get to a young guy getting a rub right now so I guess I should be happy, but Dustin on his own is one of the least interesting characters in wrestling. You can see the bullrope match coming from here.

Dustin wears him out even more until the referees break it up.

Buff is ready for Maestro and basically blames the match on Symphony.

Dustin beats up Terry again and steals the ambulance.

Gene says Dustin is on the same route Jarrett is in. I know Gene is good but being able to tell where Jarrett went when he pulled out of a parking lot is impressive.

Sid comes out and says he’ll give Jeff the rematch at Uncensored. He treats this as far more serious than he should.

Kidman and Booker want to fight the Twins.

Ric thinks Dustin did the right thing and wants to send a message to Hogan.

Buff Bagwell vs. Maestro

Maestro, the angry one, gets beaten up to start and the fans seem to approve. Buff slugs him to the mat and runs outside to hit on Symphony, but Maestro knocks her over by mistake. Maestro doesn’t seem to mind as he hammers away, only to have Cat come out for a distraction, allowing Bagwell to hit the Blockbuster for the pin.

Miller isn’t done yet though as he comes to the ring and talks about the bet that Maestro set up. Due to Brown being there, Maestro has to listen to whatever music Miller picks, which is some loud rap music. Maestro goes nuts and beats up Billy Silverman until the music goes off, which calms him back down. I haven’t mentioned it yet but Maestro is the nephew of the original Gorgeous George and you can see the talent there. It really is hit and miss with different families.

Chae and Tygress dance in cages.

We see Hacksaw Jim Duggan as TV Champion on Saturday Night after pulling the title belt out of the trash. Anyone was allowed to challenge him, so Robert Gibson of all people came out and got beat. Steven Regal came out and asked for a shot after the match and Duggan accepted for next week with Regal’s career on the line. I’d be stunned if Saturday Night was ever mentioned on Nitro again.

The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Wall jumps him from behind, which is becoming way too common these days. Bigelow is sent into the post and Wall starts on the arm of all things. They get inside with Wall kicking him in the face and stomping away on the mat. A middle rope legdrop misses though as the announcers actually talk about the match. The top rope headbutt gets two for Bam Bam and a belly to back gets the same. They’re playing up the idea that Wall won’t stay down. Another belly to back puts Wall down but he pops to his feet and chokeslams Wall off the top for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was the junk you would expect but they’re doing a good job of setting Wall up for someone to stop. Naturally I’m expecting some old guy to get the win and the whole thing to be a waste of time, but it’s always cool to see someone getting a push like this. Of course this is assuming you ignore Jim Duggan beating him at house shows around this time.

Hogan is behind a piece of cage and screaming for Luger.

Ric wants to fight Arn Anderson. Arn just sitting there staring at him is perfect, as you can imagine Arn doing that to Ric in a thousand bars over the years.

Hogan is ready for Luger and talks about exorcisms for some reason. He still tries to say he’s a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid, but regular Hulk cheats like Hollywood did so no one can tell the difference. Hogan is very glad Sting was there last night, but tonight it’s one on one.

Luger and Flair beat up Jimmy Hart and drag him to the ring for the main event.

Total Package vs. Hulk Hogan

Last man standing in a cage. Back from a break with Luger and Flair beating Hart up at ringside. Some friend Hogan is as he waits for the show to come back to run out for the save. Hulk cleans house with a chair until Ric gets in a low blow. Luger chairs him down and we’re still waiting on them to get inside the cage. They finally get in with Luger stomping away, because that has worked so well on Hogan over the years.

As I finish typing that, Hogan gets up and punches Luger down before ramming him into the buckle ten straight times. Such total devastation! Luger sends him into the cage to take over and the fans actually boo for a change. A bunch of elbows allow Luger to mock Hogan’s posing (oh geez, MOCKING HULK HOGAN???) before hitting the same suplex that triggered the Hulk Up last night.

This time it’s enough to set up the Rack but Luger drops him down and I think you know what’s coming. Flair comes back down (he left?) as Hogan hits the legdrop. The chops that have never worked on Hogan still don’t work and the beating is on. Luger gets in a chair shot to put Hogan down and a bunch of stomping (plus breaking Doug Dillinger’s arm) ends the show. No winner, or Sting for that matter.

Rating: D. Just like last night, this was lame stuff but at least Luger did his big move before the Hulk Up. I really don’t know why this feud needs to continue but I’m assuming we’re getting Hogan vs. Flair AGAIN at Uncensored. The last man standing rule was just a way to prevent Luger from losing while Flair got down there, which could have easily been avoided by having Flair run down during the Hulking Up, but why go simple when you can go complicated.

Overall Rating: D-. I don’t know if it was just the energy but I liked this show a bit better than the last few editions. It’s still a horrible show but at least they were moving around and keeping things from getting boring. That being said, the Jarrett/Harris tandem has hit their ceiling and now we’re going to get to wait until Uncensored to get to anything new. However, speaking of new, there is one thing I like: Booker and Kidman teaming together to fight the Harris Twins. It’s nothing great, but it’s a nice step up for Kidman and ANYTHING other than the Harlem Heat feud for Booker. I’ll take silver linings where I can get them.

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