Thunder
Date: July 26, 2000
Location: Wheeling Civic Center, Wheeling, West Virginia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Mark Madden

The Russo style is back in full force, meaning it’s time for this show to fall through the floor all over again. We’re coming up on New Blood Rising and other than the main event, it’s hard to say what kind of nonsense is going to take place there. These shows are starting to make less and less sense every week but you have to expect that when a nitwit is on top. Let’s get to it.

The Cat is standing by his limo when the Jung Dragons attack, this time with a sledgehammer. Yang smashes the window by mistake and Smooth the limo driver freaks out. Cat gives him a 3-1 match later tonight.

3 Count vs. Juventud Guerrera/Rey Mysterio

Evan is out with a knee injury but before we get going, Tank wants a dance contest against Konnan and Disco. It’s just a ruse though and the fight is on quickly. Shannon gets two on Rey off a springboard cross body but here are the Jung Dragons to interfere. We settle down to Juvy…..possibly countering a German suplex. He was supposed to flip over and land on his feet but didn’t get all the way over, making it unclear if he got hurt or not.

Rey springboards in with a clothesline for two as Tony talks about Latino style being very hot in popular music. Shannon drops Rey with a sleeper drop for two but the Animals come back with something like What’s Up, only with a legdrop instead of a headbutt. Everything breaks down and a Samoan drop/neckbreaker combination gets two on Rey, only to have Shannon take the Juvy Driver and 450 for the pin.

Rating: C+. So we have these two fun teams but we’re getting people like the Perfect Event in the title match. The Animals may be incredibly annoying but at the same time they can still go this well in the ring. On top of that, why are none of these guys going after the Cruiserweight Title? Why are we stuck with the nonsense we’ve had to see for all these months? We’ll go with “because WCW” and move on.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say. He doesn’t like Goldberg but after Monday he has to respect him. However, Goldberg needs to save the trauma (yes trauma) for his mama. These are his people here and he’ll die in this ring to defend his title. Cue Jeff Jarrett to say he wants a lights out, unsanctioned match against Booker tonight with the title NOT on the line to protect Cat’s pay per view main event. The fight is on and Tony says there’s no holding them back as security holds them back. So we have Goldberg, Scott Steiner and even Kevin Nash waiting to challenge Booker but we’re getting Jeff Jarrett? Really?

Post break Cat makes the match but threatens to beat up Booker and Jarrett if they don’t calm down.

Miss Hancock wants to arm wrestle Major Gunns tonight.

The Artist vs. Skip Over

That would be Elix Skipper and for reasons I’ve never been able to explain, I’ve always been a big fan. Artist superkicks him at the bell as Tenay calls Skip part of the new blood (not the New Blood of course). Over spin kicks Artist in the face and hits a nice looking missile dropkick. Artist grabs a northern lights suplex for two of his own, followed by an Angle Slam.

Since this is a meaningless match against a rookie, Artist needs a chair. Skip baseball slides it into his face but Artist pops right back up. Paisley tries to hand him the chair but Kwee Wee comes out to lure her away. So much for that idea. Back in the ring, the chair has disappeared and Over takes Artist down with a springboard spinwheel kick. The Overdrive (That ridiculous spinning Fameasser thing. I’m still not sure how that’s supposed to be a finishing move.) gives Over the upset.

Rating: D+. Fun little match here but as usual it’s bogged down by all the other stuff going on at the same time. The Paisley/Kwee Wee stuff needs to go somewhere already. Not that it’s been a long, drawn out story but more along the lines of the faster that happens, the faster we can get Artist off TV.

MIA is in the back and Gene looks at Major Gunns’ chest. See it’s funny because he’s old.

Judy Bagwell drags Buff Bagwell away by the ear so they can go find the Cat. I guess this is supposed to be funny too.

M.I. Smooth vs. Jung Dragons

As usual, Mark keeps saying “last night” to refer to Monday, as in two days earlier. During the entrances, Tony says Goldberg can’t make his scheduled appearance. Instead: Lance Storm and Mike Awesome. Oh I’m sure the fans are going to be thrilled. Like all three of them who show up. Smooth is in a shirt and tie and the Dragons stomp him down for three straight near falls. Jamie and Kaz are sent to the floor, leaving Smooth to powerslam and full nelson bomb Jamie for the pin.

So let’s stop for a second here and look at what we’re supposed to just accept here: Smooth, a non-wrestler (yes I know he was Ice Train but that’s never mentioned here) just happened to debut here, wore street clothes, had theme music, knew wrestling moves, and beat a team in a featured pay per view match completely clean in under two minutes.

We’re supposed to just go with this and then pay to see the Dragons, who are more guys who should be in the Cruiserweight Title hunt, at New Blood Rising. You can blame a lot of things for WCW going under, but this is the kind of thing that really should be near the top of the list. These things happened WAY too often around here and the fans are just supposed to go with them. At some point the fans are going to get tired of having their intelligence insulted and watch something else. WCW reached that point a long time ago and it’s a big reason why they’re not around today.

The Bagwells come into Cat’s office and Judy says she can be the solution to the ratings problem. Cat gives her the match she wants, whatever that is. Another reason this company is a mess right now: middle aged women coming in off the street and talking about ratings like they’re something people discuss in casual conversation. I write about wrestling for a living and I barely discuss ratings with my wrestling friends, let alone some random person I strike up a chat with at Wal-Mart. As usual, Russo and Ferrara or whoever is writing this show has no idea how normal people talk in real life and it sounds really awkward.

It’s time for arm wrestling and I’ll let you fill in most of the details here. Hancock is in a red shirt here and takes off the jacket for a change. David Flair is guest referee for the sake of comedy and makes sure to cheat to help Hancock win. Gunns freaks out so Hancock sprays hairspray in her face. There goes Gunns’ top but the Wall, now in MIA gear, comes out to chokeslam Flair. He talks to the blind Gunns and says “it’s me, it’s me” (that D-O-Double G?) to calm her down.

Kanyon says he needs to find a Kimberly. Judy is feeling the BANG tonight though.

The MIA rename the Wall as A-Wall (that’s actually kind of clever) and shave his head.

Muta and Vampiro have beaten down Kronik.

Great Muta/Vampiro vs. Sean O’Haire/Mark Jindrak

This is the result of Muta and Vampiro issuing an open challenge. O’Haire starts with Muta and takes him down with a dropkick off those long legs of his. Vampiro and Jindrak fight on the floor before coming in, which I guess counts as a double tag in this match. Jindrak kicks him in the face and brings Sean back in for a clothesline.

It’s already back to Jindrak so Muta comes in and kicks him a few times before officially coming in off the tag. The refereeing sucks around here. The heels pound away on Jindrak for a bit until he snaps off a powerslam and tags in Sean to clean house. Muta will have none of that and snaps off a dragon screw legwhip before twisting on the knee to make Sean tap. Too short to rate but it was energetic while it lasted.

Post match Demon comes out to help with the beatdown but Kronik makes the save and hurts people.

Judy puts Buff in a room and tells him to stay there. What in the world did Buff do to deserve this story?

Big Vito wants a rematch with Lance Storm.

Judy Bagwell vs. Kanyon

After Judy comes out to Buff’s pyro and Madden reminds us that she used to be a World Tag Team Champion (gah), Kanyon says he’s Diamond Cut her already. Tonight though, it’s going to be the Kanyon Cutter so Judy needs to leave before this gets bad. The match starts and it’s a bunch of shoving and slapping until Kanyon grabs her for the Kanyon Cutter. This brings out Buff, who is told to stay in the aisle or his mom gets hurt. Kanyon wants a match at New Blood Rising and if Judy wins, she’s Kanyon’s Kimberly. Buff agrees and the camera cuts away as Kanyon lays her out (thanks to TBS).

Shane Douglas and Torrie Wilson talk about the G-rated tape from Monday.

Kidman has another tape.

Kanyon is driving away, gets out and Kanyon Cuts a guard, then leaves. Funniest thing on the show by about a mile so far.

Here are Torrie and Shane with Torrie being annoyed at Kidman for what he did on Monday. Torrie: “Do you know what kind of a position you put me in?” Shane says play the new tape and it’s the two of them sitting on a bed. Shane apologizes over and over again for “performance issues” and they storm out of the ring.

Storm says he’ll give Vito a Hardcore Title match with no weapons allowed.

Shane leaves to get some air when Kidman comes up to laugh at Torrie. This is of course stupid and Shane beats Kidman down.

Hardcore Title: Lance Storm vs. Big Vito

Vito is challenging and jumps Storm during O Canada, sending Madden into hysterics again. The usual low level offense sends Storm outside and it’s a superkick and kind of fall away slam for two on the champ. A good looking top rope elbow gets two for Vito and the referee gets bumped, allowing Storm to hit Vito with a chair for two. Vito comes right back with a German suplex and clothesline but Storm calmly grabs the Maple Leaf for the submission to retain. Again too short to rate but Vito comes off as a guy who tries when he’s out there.

Awesome runs in and lays out Storm.

Just like last week with Nash, here’s a sitdown interview with Goldberg. First up is Hall blaming Goldberg for Scott Hall being gone but Goldberg really doesn’t care what Nash says. The Outsiders wanted Goldberg on their side because they knew he was going to be a big deal. Nash has no appreciation for the fans but Goldberg does everything he does for the fans. As a heel remember. Hudson: “For the last few months you’ve played the heel for World Championship Wrestling.” Goldberg says he hasn’t been comfortable with it because that’s not who he is.

Someone thought turning him heel was a good idea that might help the ratings but it’s totally against what Goldberg is. With his eyes bugging out but in the same voice, Goldberg wants to refute what Nash said last week. The last thing he thought he was going to do was be a wrestler because he wanted to be a pro football player. Now he has a chance to give back to the fans. He can shake a sick kid’s hand and give them a smile which is worth more than anything else he could get. Goldberg: “Nash is right. I don’t love this sport.”

Hudson calls the work with the kids paying his dues. Goldberg says Nash has “paid his dues” for fifteen years and he won’t ever be in the spot Goldberg reached in three years. Amen brother. Goldberg brings up Nash breaking the Streak two weeks after Nash got on the booking committee. Hudson brings up the three way at New Blood Rising and Goldberg says his immediate goal is to make Nash suffer for all the damage Nash has done to his career.

What Goldberg is doing right now is taking one for the team instead of what he wants to be doing. When a promoter is looking at a card, he doesn’t care about paying dues because it’s all about who is going to draw the most money. All it means is that he’s the right character and the right person to see this through. Hall and Nash didn’t pop the business like he and Hogan did. Hogan, Flair and Arn Anderson made this business what it is today. I love Arn but that’s more of a stretch than I can handle.

The only way Nash is winning in Vancouver is to put himself back on that booking committee because Goldberg is going to kill him. Nash saying he doesn’t care what the bookers say sounds like a challenge because Nash can’t run away on those old knees of his. Goldberg recommends ice and Advil because Nash is going to need them. That wraps things up with no mention of Booker T. and Monday’s match whatsoever.

…….WOW. Just like last week, this would have been one heck of a shoot interview. If this had been from RF Video or something like that, it would be really entertaining to listen to. The problem is THIS IS A MAJOR WRESTLING SHOW. Think back with me to CM Punk’s Pipe Bomb. Punk ranted about how Cena was just an act and how he was being held back, but it was all building to a wrestling match, not some scripted deal where they may or may not do what the bookers (more on that in a second) told them to do.

This brings us to the big problem that was there last week: how many fans knew what was going on? Serious question: how many fans watching this heard the word “booker” and thought they were talking about Booker T.? I know it sounds stupid today but is it really that much of a stretch?

This is more of Russo trying to make himself sound smart and thinking that EVERYONE is on Meltzer’s mailing list in July 2000 because he reads that stuff every five minutes. This probably went over the heads of 98% of fans and it’s really annoying to sit through these ten minute interviews to set up a match that is going to suck because Nash is involved and can barely do anything. But hey, they’re WORKING US and that’s what matters, even if no one but them cares.

Madden: “So no matter what the creative committee tells Nash, Goldberg and Steiner, they’re just going to do what they want?” Oh screw off WCW. Good grief man. Like I said: Punk vs. Cena came together in a wrestling match, not some thing where they were going off script. Mainly because THEY NEVER SAID THEY HAD A SCRIPT because that’s the stupidest thing you can do in a wrestling promotion.

Booker T. vs. Jeff Jarrett

Non-title and anything goes. Jeff has a Sting style trench coat on for no logical reason. Cat is on commentary and says he’s not Commissioner at this point, though he insists Madden call him Commissioner. This is billed as a Bunkhouse Brawl because we’re all cowboys who love to ride horses. They brawl into the crowd to start with Booker in control until Jeff hits him in the head with a shovel. Tony tries to call it but Cat cuts him off to announce Sting vs. Booker T. for the title on Monday.

Amazingly enough Booker isn’t dead after BEING HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL so Jeff puts him in a wheelbarrow and rams him into the barricade. Back in and Booker chokes with a bullrope but Jeff hits him in the face with….something made of metal. A middle rope guitar shot misses (Tony: “This pales in comparison to being hit in the head with a shovel.” I actually stopped the video and shouted “WHAT???” at the screen when Tony said that. Ignoring that it’s a breakaway guitar, METAL IS A LOT HARDER THAN WOOD YOU STUPID STUPID MAN!) but Jeff starts choking with the bullrope.

Cat stays on his ratings kick as Jeff chokes Booker with a rope for two arm drops. Booker fights up and hits the spinning forearm as Tony admits that Booker is a superhero. The ax kick and a Spinarooni connect but Jeff guitars the bad knee and puts on the Figure Four with Booker hanging over the apron. Booker passes out from the pain. Well in theory at least as he was still conscious and didn’t say he gave up but the referee stopped it anyway.

Rating: D. It’s not often in my life as a fan that I’m disgusted by how stupid something is but that’s what happened here. This was giving away what wasn’t going to be an interesting main event in the first place and having them use a bunch of weapons before we get the boring version in a few weeks. Oh and make sure the champion loses because that’s going to draw interest in the rematch.

I looked at Jeff after the match and my goodness the level of not caring went through the roof. He’s just so uninteresting in this role and unfortunately we’re stuck because Russo, the undisputed king of insanity and over the top booking, thinks the most generic heel in forever is worth pushing on top.

Overall Rating: F. Let me make this clear: there was good stuff on this show. The opener was fun and some of the Kanyon stuff was amusing. If you take those parts on their own, you would have had a pretty entertaining show and WCW would have come off looking a lot stronger than they did coming into this week. However, there was a lot of other stuff this week too.

I know I often talk about WCW acting like its fans are stupid. However, in this case, it felt worse than ever. This actually felt like they wanted me to be angry at them and walk off, never to watch again. Between the Goldberg shoot, a shovel to the head not putting someone down for more than twenty seconds, Kanyon suddenly wanting Judy Bagwell as his valet, everyone (and their mother in this case) talking about ratings and a man having performance issues, I felt like I was watching the kind of show that non-wrestling fans pretend all wrestling is to make fun of it.

That’s what Thunder and WCW as a whole have become: juvenile, unfunny people making fun of wrestling because they want to laugh instead of trying to take this seriously. This felt like a parody of a wrestling promotion but it still wasn’t funny. What is there on here that makes me want to come back? I’m not seeing it anywhere and I really don’t want to see where things go from here.

It’s not funny anymore and I don’t know why people would think it’s going to get any better from here on out. More than anything else, that makes me sad, because it feels like the people in charge are glad it’s going under because it makes them feel better about whatever is going on in their lives. This really is a case of people treating this place like a playground and not caring at all what happens to anyone as long as they get a good laugh at our expense. Enjoy what you’re getting WCW, because this is all on you.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #250
Date: July 24, 2000
Location: CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

The shows have been a lot better lately but you know the bad has to be coming at some point. In this case the big story has been Scott Steiner going insane, along with the return of Kevin Nash. New Blood Rising is coming soon enough and I’m sure you’ve all heard of the reputation that show has attained. Let’s get to it.

No recap from last week this time as it’s Lance Storm kicking things off. We get O Canada with the Canadian flag being lowered above the ring. Storm gets in a few jabs at America for being weak and promises to defeat Mike Awesome again at New Blood Rising. He needs to be at his best for that match so let’s have a warmup right now. This brings out Hardcore Champion Big Vito, who I guess is now a face. Vito wants a fight but Storm wants to make it title vs. title. Terms accepted and Storm hits him before the bell.

US Title/Hardcore Title: Lance Storm vs. Big Vito

Storm takes over to start but Vito grabs a Japanese armdrag and clotheslines Lance down. We get the cone between Storm’s legs and it’s already table time. Vito takes too long though and gets superplexed for two as Madden continues to cheer for Storm. A quick arm trap suplex (and a good looking one too) sends Storm flying and Vito’s top rope elbow gets two. The implant DDT (not jumping Tony) gets a delayed two, which is even more impressive when you consider Vito just grabbed the leg and wasn’t over Storm’s chest. They trade superkicks but Storm grabs the Maple Leaf for the submission and both titles.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here as Vito is totally fine when you have someone there to walk him through everything. Storm being a double champion is interesting and it’s a good sign to see someone showing up and getting pushed to some early gold. Also, how nice is it to start with a match instead of a bunch of talking?

Here’s Booker T. with something to say. He thanks the fans for having his back because without them, he wouldn’t be the World Champion. Booker is tired of hearing about Jeff Jarrett running around in the back talking about how he should be the champ, so at New Blood Rising, he’s taking Jarrett to school. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. I still don’t really get how that applies to most of his promos.

Instead of Jarrett, here’s Goldberg to a big face pop because it was really stupid to turn him heel. Last week Booker put his hands on him (it was his foot actually) so tonight, Booker is next. Booker says it’s on so here’s the Cat. It’s not so simple as just handing the title shot to Goldberg, because we’re going to put the vote up to the fans, who can go to WCW.com and vote for Goldberg or Sting. Goldberg lays out the Cat but Booker makes the save, drawing out security. In case you didn’t know who WCW wanted in the title match of course. Cat promises that he owes Goldberg some payback now.

We go to the commentary table, where Mark Madden is billed as “TV’s Best Looking Man.” Kidman is here for some reason and he’s one of TEN options to face Booker for the title tonight. Here are the options:

Goldberg

Sting

Billy Kidman

Lance Storm

Mike Awesome

Positively Kanyon

Buff Bagwell

Shane Douglas

Stevie Ray

Vampiro

Miss Hancock/David Flair vs. Lieutenant Loco/Major Gunns

Kidman is on commentary for no apparent reason and has a birthday present for Torrie Wilson: a sex tape of the two of them together. Why he’s here during this match isn’t clear but he promises to play the tape later tonight. The guys start as the announcers change the rules of the ROTC match by making it a Boot Camp match in the mud. I don’t even want to know how that is supposed to work. Hancock slides in a chair so Gunns chases her around the ring as Loco stomps Flair down in the corner. Everything breaks down and Hancock cross bodies David by mistake. A lot of yelling allows Gunns to roll her up for the pin.

Gunns loads up mouth to mouth on Loco but David pulls her away so Hancock can rip off Gunns’ top. Loco gets up to make the save.

Jarrett comes in to Cat’s office and demands that he get his title shot tonight. Cat tells him to get out so Jeff knocks stuff off the desk. Jeff gets a title shot but against Kronik.

Sting, still under a mask, says it’s really him (and it certainly sounds like him). He doesn’t care what the booking committee says because the mask is coming off tonight. Dang it Sting you’re better than that.

Goldberg is sure the fans will pick him but if not, their pick is leaving in a body bag.

Brian Adams is ready to go to the ring but a thud is heard and Brian Clark is found with a guitar broken over his head.

Tag Team Titles: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kronik

Jarrett is challenging and is out here very quickly if he was the one to hit Clark. In other words, this is a singles match for the Tag Team Titles, at least to start. Tony: “We’re going to see action.” Madden: “No. We’re going to see Torrie Wilson DOING IT DOING IT DOING IT!” Jarrett goes right after him to start but Adams punches him down with ease. A very fast piledriver gets two on Jeff but they’re quickly to the floor where Adams is sent into the steps.

Back in and Jeff keeps control by poking an eye (I miss that so much) and gets two off a faceplant. The full nelson slam plants Jeff but Adams opts for a big boot and legdrop (Madden: “That move never wins!”) for two instead. Adams goes after the referee for no apparent reason, allowing Jarrett to poke him in the throat with the guitar.

That’s only good for two though and Adams gets the same off a gorilla press into a gutbuster. Cue Clark with a broken guitar to lay out Jarrett, followed by the Meltdown. Clark isn’t done though as he wants High Times through the table. The referee says no so he takes it instead, drawing the no contest/DQ, whichever it is when the referee is out cold.

Rating: D. Yeah imagine that: Jeff Jarrett vs. Crush isn’t the best match in the world. I thought they were going somewhere with the mystery attacker on Jarrett unless they’re going to pull something else later tonight. I’m not sure what the point was in having Jarrett get back out there so quickly but the match didn’t work. Thankfully they didn’t change the titles though.

Vampiro surprises Cat in his office and wants to take out Great Muta. They’ll do it together because Cat is a ninja.

Torrie admits that the tape is real.

We get an update on the poll: Sting has 35%, Goldberg has 30% and Vampiro is the only other person in double figures with 10%.

Vampiro vs. Great Muta

Cat is referee after Muta sprayed mist in his eyes on Thunder. Vampiro kicks the Cat down so Cat beats up the Insane Clown Posse. Muta kicks Cat and we’ve got a heel stable. Demon runs out and helps in the beating. The Cat fights up and beats up the Clowns because no one can look bad in this company.

Booker promises he’ll retain.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. ???

The challenger is…….Sting. Well in theory at least as Goldberg jumps Sting in the aisle and gives him the Bret Killer kick. Sting is stretchered out and Goldberg says he wants the shot. Booker is in and gets taken down by an early clothesline and World’s Strongest Slam. The champ bails outside and gets kicked in the face again, followed by a ram into the steps to bust him open. A cross armbreaker sends Booker bailing to the ropes but here’s Stevie Ray to throw in the towel. Goldberg throws it out before the referee sees it so Cat comes out and says Goldberg gets the win. The title doesn’t change though since Goldberg didn’t beat him.

So Goldberg just destroyed Sting in ten seconds and squashed the World Champion in three minutes. No he didn’t give up or get pinned, but this was totally one sided with Goldberg not giving up a thing. Booker is still champion because he didn’t give up, but he looks like the biggest lame duck in history. Well done WCW. It only took that much to get GOLDBERG over again. Oh and well done again on dangling a carrot in front of the fans with the poll and then saying HA! We still get what we want! Why do the poll then?

Post break Booker tells Cat to restart the match or he’s out of the company. Cat actually agrees.

Buff Bagwell vs. Positively Kanyon

Buff has his mom with him AGAIN. Why do you think this is a good idea? Even Mark Madden (now saying “sex tape” in almost every sentence) thinks it’s stupid to keep doing this. No Kanyon for some reason so Judy swears about wanting him to come out here. Buff declares himself the winner but the cameraman jumps him, revealing himself as Kanyon in a good looking wig. No match, again.

Buff fights him off at first but walks into a Kanyon Cutter. Kanyon chases Judy to the back (she’s not as fast as you would think) and throws her in the back of a car before driving away.

Post break, Bagwell gives chase.

Kidman brags about the tape again.

Shane Douglas vs. Mike Awesome

Before the match, Shane says he and Torrie (Looking great again this week. Like better than she usually does.) are used to the finer things in life so they’re getting out of this town as fast as possible. Mike brings three of his women with him to even things out. I’m not sure how the math works on that but most of WCW doesn’t work at this point. Mike clotheslines him a few times to start and goes to the top for a springboard shoulder out to the floor. Madden: “Break out the Oreos girls! Mike wants to party down!”

Torrie rakes the eyes to give Shane a breather and we hit the neck crank because Shane is already out of offense I guess. It doesn’t last long Awesome fights back and hits the splash (not the Awesome splash but just a splash from Awesome) for two. Now he loads up the Awesome splash (which is also a splash from Awesome) but Torrie grabs the leg, allowing Shane to get in some chain shots to the ribs. He loads up something off the top but it’s time for the sex tape on the big screen. In the distraction, Awesome hits him with a weight (where did he get that?) for the pin.

Rating: D-. Weights, Oreos, Mike’s gimmick and a sex tape. How did we get from Shane Douglas to Mike Awesome to all those things in a single match? This would be another good example of the entertainment (allegedly) overtaking the wrestling (which wasn’t the best in the first place) and neither working.

Kidman comes out with a pair of Torrie’s underwear.

Shane attacks a production guy over the tape.

Here’s Kidman again (third time tonight) to say he made copies of the tape. We cut to the back where various people are watching. The Jung Dragons are having a really good time. Hudson: “I guarantee you they’re not watching Starrcade.” We cut to the truck where Shane promises to kill Kidman when he gets his hands on him. As in the Kidman currently in the ring. Speaking of Kidman, he throws the underwear to the crowd.

And now, Caged Heat is lowered. The build for this earlier in the night: Tony mentioning the cage was above the ring.

Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire vs. Filthy Animals vs. Perfect Event vs. Corporal Cajun/General Rection

Remember that this is inside Caged Heat (Hell in a Cell). The idea here is you have to escape the cage but it’s under elimination (I guess?) rules and the last team left in the cage is not in the four way match at New Blood Rising. Let me repeat that: it’s a four team elimination Hell in a Cell match to qualify for another four way Tag Team Title match with only one of them actually not qualifying. Normally I would make a joke here but I think this writes itself.

Palumbo goes for the door to start as Konnan talks about avocados. The Misfits clear out the ring, which would seem to put everyone else on the advantage wouldn’t it? Everyone brawls on the floor with the cameras all in extreme closeups, meaning you can only see a few people at a time. Mysterio and Juvy throw Jindrak and O’Haire out, sending Jindrak and O’Haire to New Blood Rising.

Perfect Event gets away and walks out, finally leaving us with a match that I can keep track of. Juvy breaks up No Laughing Matter so Rey can hit the Bronco Buster….as Perfect Event locks the cage. Never fear though as Konnan just happens to have bolt cutters. Does this surprise anyone? Cue Disco on top of the cage to try and break in, allowing Juvy and Rey to pull out a ladder.

The speculation is that the Animals were in cahoots with the Perfect Event……which makes no sense as the Perfect Event could have just let them out the door when they had the advantage but whatever. This also ignores the BOLT CUTTERS that could have let the Animals get out since they had the advantage. Rey and Juvy dive off the ladder instead of climbing out, only to have the Misfits get up almost immediately.

Rection and Mysterio get on the roof as Juvy and Cajun go through the door at the same time. Tony: “I think Juvy went out first so MIA won it.” Even the announcers have no idea how the rules work. Tony: “Does being on the roof count as being out? We’re completely lost.” Now Konnan sets up a table at ringside as Disco helps beat up Rey on the roof.

Cajun gets Juvy on the table as Rection teases an elbow off the cage, only to have Rey break it up. Konnan and Juvy throw Cajun through the table and the other two get back inside. Rey tries to drop off the roof into a hurricanrana but Rection catches him in a powerbomb and leaves for the win. Well co-win.

Rating: R. For Rube Goldberg Machine. I don’t remember the last time I saw something so complicated for the sake of such an easy task as “get the Filthy Animals out of the pay per view match”. This came out of nowhere and was such a mess that the announcers had no idea what was going on.

I mean……wow. They threw out a huge gimmick match with no warning, no story, no reason for this to be happening, a goal that is far easier to accomplish and a plan that has absolutely no logic behind it. This is also the longest match on the show tonight and the World Title match (as in the second one tonight, in theory at least) is going on with less than six minutes to go in the show, including entrances.

We immediately cut to Booker telling Stevie he has to do this.

With five and a half minutes to go in the show, we need to see Stevie asking Goldberg to not do this and get thrown through a window for his efforts.

Oh and then a replay.

Stevie is loaded into an ambulance with Booker by his side.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Goldberg

Booker is defending for the second time tonight. Goldberg gets the full backstage entrance but thankfully Booker charges down the aisle to jump him from behind, meaning we’ll have 3:16 to go at the opening bell. Goldberg knocks him down but Booker hits a quick ax kick with a brace on his knee as they get inside. It doesn’t seem to matter as Goldberg snaps him down with a powerslam and goes after the cut on the forehead.

Cue Jarrett with a chair to Goldberg (apparently this is No DQ, which the announcers seem to think we knew coming in), earning himself a spear, which he sells almost as well as anyone I’ve ever seen. This brings out the Cat in a referee shirt to knock Goldberg down with a kick to the face (oh please) and the Book End gives Booker the pin at a whopping 2:27.

Goldberg pops up (good) and hits the two moves on Booker to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Oh geez do you think Russo is back in charge yet? We had a match that was so complicated that I was confused before it even started, Booker vs. Goldberg twice with Goldberg getting pinned in less than 150 seconds and a string of matches that either didn’t have a finish or didn’t have time to get anywhere because we needed to give Russo’s big idea ten minutes, or nearly double what anything else had all night. So much for the string of good shows.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: July 19, 2000
Location: Breslin Students Events Center, East Lansing, Michigan
Attendance: 5,738
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

This is a rare live Thunder though I can’t imagine it’s going to make the show any better than it usually is. The big story at the moment is Scott Steiner being all insane and breaking various things, only to get beaten down by Kevin Nash, like so many people before him have been. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from Nitro. As usual, that was the kind of show that flew by so fast that I could barely remember half of it anyway so for once this was helpful.

Harlem Heat arrives. I know I ask this a lot but what is Russo’s obsession with showing people getting out of cars?

Jeff Jarrett is doing commentary tonight. Oh geez. He gets in two slappy’s before he even sits down.

Crowbar vs. Mike Sanders

Sanders is Above Average and had been on Saturday Night all the way back in 1998. Crowbar looks out at the crowd for some reason, allowing Sanders to get in some forearms to the back for an early two. A German suplex sends Sanders flying as the announcers point out Lenny Lane’s huge USE ME sign. Hopefully that makes him put the thing down because it’s really distracting.

They head outside with Sanders stopping a charge with a superkick, followed by a dancing knee drop back inside. We hit the chinlock for a bit as the USE ME sign is back. I’m sure the handful of fans that paid for seats behind him (as he goes up and down the row) are thrilled to have their view blocked by a lame angle that isn’t going to go anywhere.

Crowbar gets two off a Lionsault and Daffney adds a Frankenscreamer (is she immune to the no interference policy?) to send Sanders outside. Mike is sat in a chair for a plancha from Crowbar (Jarrett: “What kind of rasslin is that?”) but Daffney’s distraction allows Sanders to steal Jeff’s guitar and knock Crowbar out for the pin. Jarrett: “He won the match with Slapnuts.” So is Slapnuts the guitar?

Rating: C. Sanders will soon find his calling as a talker but this was much more about establishing someone new on the roster. There’s definitely a push of some new talent around this time but it’s so far past too late at this point that it’s only more false hope. Still though, it’s always cool to see someone fresh instead of the same horrible acts that have choked the life out of this company.

Lenny Lane is escorted off by security. Thank goodness.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say but Rick Steiner jumps him from behind before anything can be said. Stevie Ray comes out for the save and Jeff joins in on the brawl until security breaks it up.

Daffney screams a lot and runs off with a chair to find Mike Sanders. For some reason I want to see where this goes.

Lane is being taken away when he runs into the Cat. All the Laniacs (I believe they meet in the same room as the Jericholics) want is their leader back. Cat: “You’re not a leader. You’re a jobber.” For some reason Cat has a pebble in his pocket and says Lane can have a match if he can take it from his hand. Lane takes it away easily so Cat shouts that he didn’t say go. The result: a tables match vs. the Wall.

Here’s new US Champion Lance Storm. After the full Canadian national anthem, Storm gets right to the point by listing off some great US Champions. However, that title is dead because he’s renaming the US Title the Canadian Heavyweight Championship and puts a Maple Leaf sticker on the front.

As the announcers freak out (save for Heenan because he’s Bobby Heenan), Storm demands respect from the fans and asks security to bring in a typical American fan. This means an overweight woman, who Storm rips on for not being in shape. Cue Mike Awesome for the save but Kanyon runs out to try a Kanyon Cutter on the woman. This brings in Buff Bagwell and I’m guessing it’s a tag match later.

Jarrett offers to teach Sanders how to swing a guitar and knocks him cold. So much for Sanders meaning anything.

Miss Hancock has gotten David Flair a Cruiserweight Title shot tonight and promises, ahem, some fun to him if he wins.

Lenny Lane vs. The Wall

Tables match because that’s what Wall does. Wall powerslams him to start and throws Lane across the ring with ease. Lane breaks up a superplex attempt and pounds away in the corner, only to charge into something like a backdrop/hot shot, sending him throat first into the middle turnbuckle. They go outside with Lane going throat first across the barricade before Wall sets up the first table. He takes too long though and gets knocked off the apron and through the table to give Lane his job back…..in his last match with the promotion. Only in WCW.

The Misfits are given their assignments.

Mike Sanders is still getting up (that’s quite the guitar shot) when Daffney comes in and hits him with a chair. “How do you like that rookie?”

Lenny Lane is happy in his locker room (because if you show up with no job, you have a locker room) when Wall comes in. It’s implied that Wall took a dive.

The Filthy Animals sneak into Kronik’s locker room.

Cruiserweight Title: David Flair vs. Lieutenant Loco

David is challenging and wearing a suit here. Loco jumps him from behind and gets two off an early side slam. Hancock distracts Loco because……well because she’s Miss Hancock and it’s not that difficult for her to distract someone, allowing David to take over off a suplex. Loco comes right back with basic stuff, including a bunch of chops after ripping off David’s shirt. Hancock tries to bring in a chair but David gets caught in a sunset flip instead. Some cheating backfires as the referee catches Hancock holding David’s hands. Cue Major Gunns to chase Hancock off, leaving Loco to tornado DDT David onto a chair to retain.

Gunns goes to give David mouth to mouth but Hancock starts a catfight. Yep it’s time for this feud.

Cat reinstates Lane and fires Wall for taking a dive. That earns Cat a beating from the big man. Security breaks it up and I’m pretty sure Chris Harris and James Storm could be seen.

Sanders is getting up again when Kanyon runs in for a Cutter. Well if they’re going to treat the guy like a goon, at least it’s funny.

The Jung Dragons beat up the Cat because they finally have an open shot.

Tank Abbott vs. Great Muta

Mike Tenay has had to leave commentary due to some throat issues. Tank forearms a few times but gets kicked down to set up the Power Drive elbow. Cue the Dragons to help with a beatdown so here’s the Cat to help Tank. That earns him some mist to the face, allowing Tank to knock Muta out for the pin. Was Muta REALLY that bored in Japan that he called up WCW and agreed to put over Tank Abbott on live TV?

Major Gunns challenges Miss Hancock to a Rip off the Camouflage (ROTC) match at New Blood Rising. Gene is WAY too happy about this.

Kronik’s locker room has been trashed so they tell a crew member to keep an eye on the door. As soon as they leave, it’s another Kanyon Cutter. He’s getting really good at those things.

Jarrett and Rick Steiner are making plans for the match when Midajah comes in to say she’ll do anything tonight.

Kronik vs. Filthy Animals

Disco/Juvy/Rey here in a handicap match with Juvy and Rey coming out in Kronik’s vest coats. Juvy tries to jump Clark from behind as Konnan babbles in whatever language he uses on commentary. I know it’s not English and I know it’s not Spanish but it involves cherries and potatoes. Kronik gets annoyed at the Animals for getting in their way and chases them out to the apron.

Rey comes in and gets to face Adams, which is one of the most backwards face vs. heel dynamics I’ve ever seen. Mysterio springboards into a full nelson slam and Adams throws Disco into him for good measure. The Animals finally take over on Clark with a Bronco Buster but Clark throws Juvy away with ease. Everything breaks down and High Times plants Disco for two (called three by Tony), followed by the powerbomb/top rope clothesline for the pin a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. Some of Kronik’s offense looked cool here but the commentary from Konnan took away any of the good this match had going for it. Thankfully the Animals aren’t in the Tag Team Title match at the pay per view because it would have been really stupid to have them lose like this. Don’t worry though because I’m sure WCW will find far more stupid things to do in the coming weeks.

Here are Shane Douglas, carrying a bag, and Torrie, with the latter wearing a dress tighter than should be physically possible. Shane pulls out the Stuff Magazine with Torrie inside and asks about her turn-ons listed in the magazine. Apparently she likes seeing her man work out so Shane pulls out a dumb bell and starts lifting, causing Torrie to rub his chest. This brings out Kidman to dropkick Shane but a Torrie distraction lets Shane hit him in the neck with the dumb bell, likely breaking his neck in the process.

We get the Road Report but the guy doesn’t have his phone. Perfect Event comes up to suggest that he use 1-800-CALL-ATT. Problem solved until it’s another KANYON CUTTER for the best fake commercial I’ve seen in a very long time.

The Artist, who can talk now, issues an open challenge to any champion. I think you know what’s coming.

Hardcore Title: The Artist vs. Big Vito

Vito is defending in case you’re a bit slow. They quickly go into a room with Paisley and Kwee Wee watching……I’m guessing a monitor or something. Artist hits him with an ironing board before doing the same to Kwee Wee for no apparent reason. Pink hater. Vito takes over again and brings him down to ringside, only to get hit with a chair a few times. Artist goes with a low blow because good guys are just less bad in WCW.

The Mafia kick and a suplex set up a top rope elbow from the champ and it’s already table time. Vito sets it up in the middle of the ring for the implant DDT…..and the table breaks as they’re standing on it. The fans boo it out of the building as Vito hits him with a trashcan, followed by the DDT to retain.

Rating: D-. So we’re using the lame Hardcore Title match to set up what’s going to be an even worse Kwee Wee vs. the Artist feud. I can kind of understand Russo’s obsession with Jeff Jarrett but I will never get WCW’s love of Artist. The guy just isn’t that good and it shows worse and worse every time he’s in the ring.

Awesome wants to bring one of his women to the ring but Bagwell doesn’t think that’s the best idea.

Positively Kanyon/Lance Storm vs. Buff Bagwell/Mike Awesome

Kanyon during his entrance: “BUY MY BOOK!” We get the Canadian national anthem again until Awesome runs down to clean house. A clothesline puts Lance on the floor and Awesome nails a nice dive to take him down again. Back in and Bagwell beats Kanyon up as Tony recaps Judy Bagwell’s recent problems. It’s off to Awesome vs. Kanyon with Mike coming in via the slingshot shoulder. A nice suplex plants Kanyon again and it’s back to Storm, who walks into an Awesome Bomb.

The Awesome Splash gets two on Kanyon with Storm making the save and everything breaks down. Storm gets the Maple Leaf on Awesome but Buff breaks it up with the Blockbuster. Kanyon makes a quick save though and pulls the ref in the way of a baseball slide. He hits Bagwell with the book (which I’m assuming he reloaded with a fresh brick) and does the same to Awesome, setting up a Kanyon Cutter for the pin.

Rating: C. Not a bad little match here but we had to speed through things because we needed to see stuff like the Cat earlier in the night. Storm has somehow been a breath of fresh air for the company despite his character being one of the most boring guys in the history of wrestling. Maybe it’s just that he’s a fresh name or something but he’s working very well here.

Rick Steiner and Jarrett say nothing of note. Jarrett uses the acronym NOFYB.

Cat doesn’t know what that means but is sick of Steiner and Jarrett.

Harlem Heat is ready. Well that’s good for them but it’s time for the real star power.

We get a sitdown interview with Kevin Nash. He thinks the people behind the scenes of WCW are trying to keep Hall out. The only time WCW ever had a spark was when the two of them came down from New York to make the company go somewhere. Hall has been healthy for months now but he’s sitting around because WCW doesn’t want him around.

Nash has seventeen months left on his contract and he’ll honor that deal, but then who knows because it’s not about money anymore. As for Goldberg, WCW gave him too much power too soon. Nash has to keep him in check because he’s never paid his dues and won’t have nine years from now. It’s nice to see guys like Booker make it and he was glad that “they put the strap on him.”

Hudson asks about the three way at New Blood Rising (Nash: “It won’t be a dance.”) which is now a #1 contenders match. Apparently there’s a problem with who is going to come out on top. Nash says he’s coming out on top no matter how the match is booked and he’s not going to lobby for a finish. He’s going over (his words) because he says so and it’s time for him to get his.

These are the kinds of segments that I never know what to say. Nash talking about someone not wanting Hall around was fine because you can pin that on Russo and Bischoff (Is he even still around anymore? I don’t remember seeing him after Bash at the Beach.). Hinting at going to the WWF was even fine, but then you get to him talking about how a match is going to be booked or who is going to go over in a big match because of how the finish was lobbied. I have no idea what this was supposed to accomplish but I’m sure the internet will be talking about it tomorrow, right Russo?

Jeff Jarrett/Rick Steiner vs. Harlem Heat

This is the closest we’re going to get to Harlem Heat vs. the Steiners. Cat is out here to make sure things are fair. Booker and Rick start things off with the champ taking over. This brings out Midajah to try to come off the top but Cat calls her down and handcuffs himself to her. Well what did she thing was going to happen with the boss out there and her in bright pink pants?

It’s off to Stevie vs. Jarrett with Jeff getting kicked out to the floor. Back in and Steiner clotheslines Stevie for two and we hit the chinlock after all that grueling work. A belly to back puts Steiner down and the hot tag brings in Booker as house is cleaned. Jeff breaks up the missile dropkick and nails a superplex, only to have Booker tie their legs up for a small package and the pin.

Rating: D+. The Booker comeback was good but Rick Steiner is just killing anything he’s doing at this point. The guy isn’t any good and hasn’t been for a very long time yet for some reason they just won’t get rid of him. Jarrett was Jarrett and Stevie was more energetic than usual but there’s only so much you can do in a five minute main event.

Booker gets beaten down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Dang they’re on a roll lately. These last few shows have taken out a lot of the nonsense and just let them have their dull wrestling shows. The point though is you can see the stories they’re telling and for the most part, they’re working fine. There’s still a lot of stuff they need to fix but at least there’s some good stuff going here and far less bad, which is the most important thing. Enjoy it while it lasts though because you know this is going to go bad soon enough.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #249
Date: July 18, 2000
Location: Palace of Auburn Hills, Auburn Hills, Michigan
Commentators: Mark Madden, Stevie Ray, Tony Schiavone

As is so often the case in WCW 2000, I can barely remember what happened last week. It took me a bit before I could remember that Jeff Jarrett won the #1 contenders match while Scott Steiner is on a rampage. I really shouldn’t forget the whole story in the span of just a week but almost nothing has a lasting impact around here. Let’s get to it.

This show is on a Tuesday because of a TV movie. It’s not even the NBA anymore.

We open with a recap of Scott Steiner being all insane lately, including the attack on Tenay which we can’t see in full (though we can see a package of stills which show you everything you need to know). Apparently Steiner has been suspended again.

Cut to Scott Steiner in the parking lot, attacking Booker T.’s new car with a pipe until Rick Steiner talks him down.

Nitro Girls. I didn’t know they were still a thing.

Here’s the Cat to open things up and he brings the Nitro Girls with him. Cat gets right to the point by announcing a one night tournament for the US Title. He runs down the brackets but before we can get to the first match, there are some rules for the fans. They can’t get too loud and the fat people need to stay in their seats to make sure people behind them can see.

We see the Steiners ripping up everything in the back on the way to the ring, sending the Girls running off. Here are Rick and Scott (who walk past the Girls, whose hiding place was RIGHT NEXT TO THE ENTRANCE) with Scott choking Cat and demanding a title shot. Booker hits the ring so here are Rick and Stevie to follow, triggering a huge brawl. Security breaks it up and Cat makes Scott vs. Goldberg for tonight.

Buff and Judy Bagwell are here with Judy in a neck brace. Why did Buff bring her again? Can’t he make his sandwiches by himself already?

The announcers talk until Jeff Jarrett jumps the barricade and guitars Stevie. Jeff calls that a warning shot.

US Title Tournament First Round: Positively Kanyon vs. Mike Awesome

During the entrances, Madden dubs Awesome the Fat Chick Thriller. So much for Awesome ever meaning anything again. The Bagwells come out to do commentary as Awesome takes over to start with a top rope clothesline. A nice fireman’s carry flapjack puts Mike down but he punches Kanyon out to the floor for a big plancha over the top. Guys his size should not be able to do that. Like…..they just shouldn’t. It’s already table time but Kanyon drives him through it with a Kanyon Cutter off the apron.

Kanyon goes over to Buff though, allowing Judy to go after Kanyon instead. She gets thrown down again (more man on woman violence so you know Russo is back in charge), allowing Buff to grab a quick Blockbuster and letting his mom just deal with the attack on her own. That’s STILL not enough for the pin though so Awesome grabs a release German suplex and the Awesome Bomb for the pin to advance.

Rating: D. Under five minutes and we had guest commentators, a table spot (which wasn’t a DQ of course), Kanyon beating up Judy Bagwell again, interference, and a near fall off the interference. Oh and it’s in a tournament. This is back to WCW’s old stuff back in the spring because……yeah I’m tired of ripping on Russo for the same stuff. I’m sure you get it by this point.

Post match some large underwear are thrown into the ring for Awesome. This is sad. So sad.

Pamela Paulshock hits on Lance Storm but he is too focused on the tournament.

Buff sends Judy away with his brother, who doesn’t ask why she’s here in the first place.

US Title Tournament First Round: Buff Bagwell vs. Lance Storm

Before the match, Storm yells at the fans for not respecting his national anthem and not understanding that Canada is just better than the United States. Buff won’t stand for this Canadian national anthem nonsense and jumps Storm from behind to start. Storm comes back with an elbow but quickly gets backdropped down again. The Blockbuster is loaded up but we cut to the parking lot where Judy is being helped into her car. Lance uses the distraction to grab the Maple Leaf for the win. I won’t say submission as Bagwell didn’t tap and he didn’t look to say he gave up but whatever.

Buff limps to the back as we hear screaming, despite the video not airing on the video screen.

Cat has one of the Nitro Girls in his office when the Jung Dragons appear again. Stevie Ray comes in to help but Cat says they’re friends. As confused as that makes him (how can you tell with Stevie though?), Stevie just wants Jarrett tonight. Cat says ok, as long as Stevie lets him play with the Dragons.

We see security footage of Kanyon Cutting Judy Bagwell in the parking lot. Well grabbing her and dragging her off camera but you get the idea.

Scott Steiner is sitting by the door with a pipe in his hand.

US Title Tournament First Round: Great Muta vs. Vampiro

We actually see some clips from Muta’s run in the early 90s, which continues to make me wonder how WCW reached this point. They used to be awesome. Speaking of things that used to be awesome, this in no way applies to the Insane Clown Posse who return with Vampiro here. Muta kicks all three of them down to start but the numbers, including the Demon, are too much for him and it’s Vampiro taking over with some kicks.

A top rope flip dive misses though and it’s Muta coming back with the Power Drive elbow. Muta starts in on the arm and shrugs off a quick Rock Bottom. There’s the dragon screw leg whip but Muta has to deal with Demon. The distraction doesn’t work though and the moonsault puts Vampiro away.

Rating: C-. It’s hard not to like Muta at least a little bit as the guy is just good at any age. Vampiro was better here as he kept things moving instead of doing all his stupid over the top nonsense that doesn’t go anywhere because Undertaker and Kane haven’t done enough lately for Russo to copy. This was another match too short to mean much but that’s what you have to expect when there are seven tournament matches plus other stuff to get through in two hours.

Post match Vampiro and the Clowns beat up the Demon. So they’re split again?

Scott beats up Norman Smiley and Ralphus. Steiner: “TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!”

US Title Tournament First Round: Shane Douglas vs. Billy Kidman

Before the match, Shane says he and Torrie (in lingerie here) have been getting to know each other lately and he’s exhausted. Shane asks if it’s worse to have a woman like Torrie and lose her to a franchise or never have one at all. Torrie feels sorry for Kidman because she had to fake it every night and then she played him for everything he had. Wait what did he have? She played him for some undershirts?

Shane takes over to start with a gordbuster and reverse Hennig neck snap. Kidman comes right back and baseball slides him into the barricade but stops to go after Torrie. Back in and Torrie trips Kidman to set up the Pittsburgh Plunge for two. Kidman sends Shane into Torrie for the same, followed by Torrie hitting Kidman in the head with a chair for two more (and with Kidman’s leg being halfway under the rope).

Shane tries a gorilla press and Kidman was supposed to turn it into a bulldog but Kidman mostly missed his head. To be fair though, Shane’s head only got about a foot away from the mat anyway so both are at fault. Back up and a quick Franchiser gets……the pin after the referee wasn’t sure if it was three or not.

Rating: D+. Again, way too much stuff going on here but at least some of the near falls were good and Torrie looked amazing. Kidman continues to be one of the best gems on the roster who unfortunately isn’t going anywhere because WCW has no idea what to do with anyone right now.

Here are the updated brackets:

Mike Awesome

Great Muta

Lance Storm

Shane Douglas

Torrie and Shane make out in the ring but we cut to 3 Count carrying a ladder, followed by cutting to Goldberg arriving. This happened in the span of ten seconds.

Steiner is still waiting for Goldberg.

Here’s Tank Abbott to say N’Sync is playing to no one down the road in the Silverdome because the real deal is here. 3 Count brings out their ladder and there’s a gold record hanging above the ring. Tony: “At New Blood Rising, 3 Count is signed to face the Jung Dragons in a ladder match.” 3 Count dances but the Dragons climb the ladder and a match is on.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

Yeah remember the ladder match announced for the pay per view? Well here it is almost a month before the show. 3 Count puts the ladder on the top rope but Yang dropkicks it out from under Shannon for a big crash. Shannon gets superplexed off the ladder, setting up a top rope splash from Jamie.

Shane comes in with a top rope Fameasser for Jamie and now it’s Evan with the ladder around his head for the helicopter spot. Tank wants the match to be over so it’s time to dance. He can’t wait any longer and goes to get his square. Evan goes up but the ladder gets shoved over, landing him right next to Tank for a bad looking crash. In the melee, Jamie goes up and gets the gold record for the win.

Rating: C-. Unless TNA broke it later, that’s the shortest ladder match in history, clocking in at 3:18. What am I supposed to say about a ladder match that doesn’t even break 200 seconds? There were some good looking high spots (nothing approaching what the WWF had been doing in the past 11 months of course) but what can you do in less than three and a half minutes? Oh well, maybe the rematch in a month will be better.

Goldberg comes into the building and Steiner misses a pipe swing. The fight is on until security and wrestlers break it up.

Back from a break and Scott is ticked off with Rick trying to calm him down.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Great Muta

Awesome runs him over to start and pounds away in the corner until he misses a charge. Muta dropkicks Awesome out to the floor as Madden says these two are very similar. A trip to the announcers’ table goes nowhere but Muta sprays the mist in Awesome’s eyes. Back inside and Mike gets kicked into the corner again, followed by a top rope hurricanrana. A quick clothesline and the Awesome Bomb send Mike to the finals in a finish as quick and sudden as it sounded.

Rating: C-. Another not great match here due to the amount of time it had. Muta vs. Awesome could be good if they were allowed to do something but instead they had to fly through it and put WAY too much attention on Madden being freaked out over the brawling at the announcers’ table.

Madden wobbles off to change his shirt.

Bagwell goes after Smooth for helping with the attack on his mom but Kanyon jumps him from behind.

Madden tries to get Kiwi to clean his shirt but Kiwi is too busy. Paisley comes in and tries to get her skirt repaired but again Kiwi is too busy.

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Shane Douglas vs. Lance Storm

This would be the heel vs. heel match after the face vs. face match in the other semi-final. Storm backdrops him to the floor to start so Torrie jumps on Lance’s back to give Shane an opening. An atomic drop into a low blow has Storm in trouble and a neck snap gets two. Madden is back on commentary as Shane gets two more off two suplex into a falcon’s arrow.

Kidman is watching on the stage as Storm kicks at the leg to make his comeback. Lance gets two off a superkick but walks into a belly to belly. The knee gives out though and Shane’s delayed cover only gets another two. Storm pokes him in the eye (that’s rather out of character) and grabs the Maple Leaf (and a rope) for the submission.

Rating: C. What is with Shane having back to back good (in WCW terms) matches here? Storm going forward is the right call and it’s cool to see him cheat like that so he can brag about being such a great pure wrestler. Shane and Kidman are likely going to have a bad match at the pay per view but if it means I have to look at Torrie more and more, so be it.

Post match Kidman comes down with a chair and tries to spank Torrie but has to dropkick the chair into Storm’s face instead.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Stevie Ray

Stevie is halfway down the aisle by the time his music starts. A powerslam puts Jeff down and Stevie hammers away in the corner. He’s still wearing the NWO colors, likely because he’s barely had a singles match since his version of the team split up. They head to the floor for a bit with Jeff taking over and punching him down back inside. Stevie comes back but here’s Rick Steiner for a distraction, allowing Midajah to come in and dive on Stevie, allowing a quick Stroke to give Jeff the pin.

Booker comes out to save his brother. Now in a smart world, we would get Steiners vs. Harlem Heat one more time out of this.

US Title: Lance Storm vs. Mike Awesome

Awesome breaks up the national anthem by calling O Canada a censored name. They start in the aisle with Awesome whipping Storm into the barricade about five times in a row. There’s a chair to Storm’s back and Awesome smiles at the overweight women in the front row. They get in and Storm hits a chair shot of his own to take over. Storm chops away in the corner but Awesome no sells, only to have Storm poke him in the eye (that’s straight out of Sting vs. Flair).

Storm’s hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two but the Awesome Splash hits knees. Mike grabs the rope (I think) to block a tornado DDT and loads up a super Awesome Bomb. Since that might kill Storm, he counters into a superplex for two. The regular Awesome Bomb is countered into the Maple Leaf to give Storm the title completely clean.

Rating: C+. Best match of the show by far and also the longest, though I’m sure there’s absolutely no connection there whatsoever. Storm winning clean is interesting as it lets him look like the better man instead of having him cheat to win. Then again, that could be due to Russo not knowing how to write characters.

Mike’s women come in to help him up, making sure the focus is completely off Storm and the title for the sake of unfunny comedy.

Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner

Cat is guest referee and Booker comes out to do commentary. Steiner knees him into the corner to start and drops Goldberg with a single clothesline to a big reaction. Back up and Goldberg suplexes him into the corner but has to put the brakes on when Steiner avoids the spear. Instead a flying shoulder drops Steiner, followed by the gorilla press into the powerslam for no cover. An overhead belly to belly sets up the Recliner but Steiner punches Cat instead of sticking with the hold. We’ll say that’s enough for a no contest, leaving this too short to rate but fun while it lasted.

This draws in Booker to go after Steiner but Goldberg spears Scott down. Booker kicks Goldberg in the face and here’s Kevin Nash in his big return. There’s a Jackknife to Goldberg and another one for Steiner. Booker stares Nash down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is proof that a few tweaks to Russo’s formula could have made something happen. In this case, it was cutting down on the amount of stories and ideas that he had going on every show and only focusing on a handful of things. With the tournament and the impending Goldberg vs. Steiner showdown, I could focus on a few ideas and they actually sunk in for a change instead of flying from one story to the next with nothing making an impact. The show still isn’t good, but this was the kind of thing that could work with some more fine tuning.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: July 12, 2000
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It still feels weird to say that Booker T. is the World Champion but it’s a nice feeling to have. For once things feel fresh and with the addition of the newcomers in the tag division, there’s an actual youth movement going on around here. Now unfortunately there’s no reason to think this is going to last but at least we can enjoy it while it’s around. Let’s get to it.

On a side note, at some point around this time, Ed Ferrara took over Thunder’s booking. Therefore, Russo isn’t to blame in case this is awful, though Ferrara was Russo’s right hand man.

Opening sequence.

We open with the usual clips from Nitro.

Smooth gives Kanyon advice about something we aren’t privy to.

Apparently Scott Steiner beat up and injured Mike Tenay so it’s a two man booth tonight.

Here are Tank Abbott and 3 Count to say they’re going to dance and the Dragons aren’t going to do anything. That’s an official warning and you know what’s coming. Tank heads outside to dance and here are the Dragons for a surprise attack. Muta jumps Tank and we’ve got a match.

3 Count/Tank Abbott vs. Jung Dragons/Great Muta

Yang tries to pound on Tank but gets thrown across the ring. A wheelbarrow slam into a double facebuster has Yang in even more trouble but Muta makes a save and cleans house. Tank uses the circle to block the mist and the big right hand knocks Yang silly to give Evan the fast pin. So they bring Muta in for a two minute match where his team loses?

Kanyon gives Cat a copy of his book in an attempt to get Jarrett tonight. That’s fine with Cat as Jarrett’s original opponent, Buff Bagwell, is late. Cat gives him the match in exchange for an autograph.

The Perfect Event attacks the Misfits in the back. For reasons unclear, they hand Major Gunns their exercise bar and she hits Palumbo low. Stasiak laughs, so Gunns kicks him low for good measure. So they’re bad wrestlers and stupid?

Stevie Ray is joining commentary. This could be good.

The Demon vs. Major Stash

Stevie thinks Vampiro and Demon are bizarre and doesn’t get why they’re together. In other words, Stevie either doesn’t watch or doesn’t understand the stories either. Stash starts with a big boot but charges into a boot in the corner. You would think he would have learned something like that. Demon gets thrown off the middle rope but comes back with a wristlock. Yeah a wristlock from a guy named DEMON. Stash avoids a clothesline and hits a quick ax handle, only to walk into the Love Gun for another quick pin.

Post match Sting (right) appears and points the bat at Vampiro and Demon.

Kidman asks Lance Storm about being serious. Storm says he’s always serious and walks off. After Kidman leaves, Kanyon takes out a cameraman with a Kanyon Cutter.

David Flair tells Hancock that he’ll do anything for her. Hancock knows that already.

Kidman/Lance Storm vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

The Canadian national anthem plays so Kidman reads the paper and dances behind him. Lance finally catches on but doesn’t seem to mind as he and Kidman try stereo baseball slides to the floor. That goes as badly as Kidman’s dancing as Jindrak and O’Haire press them over the top and back inside. Kidman tags himself in for a Bodog to Jindrak so it’s off to Sean for some right hands. Everything breaks down and O’Haire superkicks Storm, leaving Jindrak to plant Kidman with a tilt-a-whirl slam. The Seanton Bomb gives Sean the pin, making me wonder why they got pinned by Morrus and Leroux a few weeks back.

Storm nails Kidman post match, I’m assuming to cement his heel turn.

Vampiro promises to rip off Sting’s ski mask. I’d like to see who is actually under there.

Vito talks about how awesome he is.

Hancock tells David to go win her some gold so he attacks Vito and it’s time for a title match.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. David Flair

Vito is defending of course and David is in a suit minus the jacket. He pounds Vito into the arena with whatever he can find as this is one sided so far. Vito remembers that he’s fighting David Flair and takes over with right hands, only to get suplexed into the ring for no cover. Cue Hancock (with blue trim instead of white this time) as Vito comes back again with a suplex and top rope elbow. He stops to kiss Hancock though (perk of being a champion), followed by the safety cone to the crotch. The impaler DDT through the table retains Vito’s title.

Rating: D. I’m assuming these are supposed to be serious matches, which continues to prove that the people running WCW don’t understand how wrestling works. They’re certainly not funny matches but there’s nothing setting them aside that makes them entertaining. That black hole of charisma Steve Blackman is Hardcore Champion in the WWF right now and he’s a dozen times more interesting than this. Vito isn’t bad or anything but there’s nowhere to go with this division.

Jarrett tells Cat that if he’s not fighting his scheduled opponent, he’s not wrestling. Cat says oh yes you are.

Perfect Event was posing in the ring earlier today (as in before the fans were here) when Kanyon attacked another production guy. It’s still funny, but is this going anywhere anytime soon?

Perfect Event vs. General Rection/Corporal Cajun

Palumbo and Rection get things going with the General scoring off some splashes in the corner. Cajun comes in and gets beaten down due to reasons of not being very good. Things slow down with Stasiak doing one of his only moves (a slam) before stopping to pose. Palumbo’s top rope shoulder drops Cajun for two again as Stevie is being the voice of reason against all of Perfect Event’s stalling. A gorilla press doesn’t work though and the hot tag brings in Rection to clean most of the house until the Jungle Kick slows him down again.

Stasiak gets two off a sitout powerbomb and the fans are actually getting into this. It could be due to it being the longest match of the night, even though we’re not five minutes in yet. Cajun comes in for his dancing punches and a clothesline for two. Whiplash gets two more and everything breaks down. Rection hits his moonsault but Stasiak nails the referee with the exercise bar. He throws it off to Cajun though and the referee sees him holding it for the DQ. Yeah he said Rection had the match won but Cajun broke up the pin for no apparent reason. Egads this company is stupid at times.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t bad until the ridiculous ending. Rection and Cajun aren’t the best tag team in the world but then again this isn’t the best tag division in the world either. Palumbo is the most interesting out of all these people and he’s just ok at best. The ending hurts this even more though as it comes off again like someone doesn’t know how wrestling works.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say. Booker talks about how great Jeff Jarrett is in the ring but he fails as a man. This title can be defended anywhere anytime and he’ll take on anyone that wants to come after it. As for Scott Steiner, save the drama for your mama. This brings out Rick Steiner to congratulate Booker but it’s a ruse (does it could if everyone knows it’s coming?) and Rick beats him down. Cue Stevie to get up from the table for the save but Rick beats him down, grabs the title and puts it on. Good night what a horrifying visual. Mike Awesome runs out and makes the save before handing the title back to Booker.

Daffney asks Crowbar if she looks fat in her gear. Crowbar says she’s pretty and clearly has a thing for her.

Shane Douglas assures Torrie that she won’t have to do anything in the mixed tag.

Cat tells Kidman that if he doesn’t interfere in the upcoming match, he can have Lance Storm later tonight.

Torrie Wilson/Shane Douglas vs. Crowbar/Daffney

Before the match, Shane says Torrie isn’t a wrestler and has no business in this match. Torrie apologizes to everyone in the back but she LOVES being franchised. Crowbar quickly dropkicks Shane to the floor, leaving Daffney to go after Torrie. We get the catfight for all of ten seconds before it’s back to the guys. That goes nowhere so it’s back to Torrie who gets caught by Crowbar. Back to Daffney for some lame hair drags (read as Torrie rolls while Daffney touches her hair) and a jawbreaker to Shane.

Crowbar comes back in to beat on Shane even more, including a nice bite to the head. Shane avoids a moonsault and grabs a powerbomb, but just stops as he’s got Crowbar in the air. It looked closer to a jackknife but Shane stopped moving instead of letting him go. In other words, it looked awful. Shane loads up another and Crowbar lands on his feet (there’s your answer), only to walk into the Franchiser (landing on his feet instead of his knees) for the pin.

Rating: D-. Instead of a match, this was much more like a series of quick segments cobbled together. As usual, the women have little business being in a ring and it shows even worse each time. Daffney is a great character but not very good in the ring here and certainly not good enough to carry Torrie. Shane……I still don’t get it. Not at the actual wrestling at least.

Daffney takes a Franchiser (and takes it better) after the match.

Cat gives Awesome Rick Steiner tonight, even though Booker wanted the match.

Here’s a sitdown interview with Scott Steiner. He doesn’t want to talk about Bash at the Beach but Tenay keeps at it until Steiner says Nash isn’t his friend. What Scott did felt right at the time and he doesn’t care about Scott Hall’s family or the fans out there. Steiner goes on a rant about Booker getting the title and then about Tenay calling the Frankensteiner the hurricanrana. Scott doesn’t like Goldberg either and would have beaten him up if Goldberg was smart enough to get into the University of Michigan.

Tenay says Steiner has a lot of hatred bottled up and asks if it dates back to his childhood. That’s enough for Steiner and he chokes Tenay out. Tenay deserved that as he was flat out badgering Steiner here and trying to sound all tough. Then you bring up the guy’s childhood? You earned that beating.

The Dragons try to go after Cat again but this time he ducks and lets them hit each other. Kaz gets put in a fireman’s carry and spun around so he hits his partners. Funny but just like the Kanyon Cutters: is this going anywhere or is it another joke for Russo and Ferrara’s amusement?

Lance Storm vs. Kidman

Kidman jumps him in the aisle but gets caught in the corner with some dropkicks. Heenan: “You know a lot of people are talking about this Lance Storm.” Stevie: “I haven’t heard them.” Storm loads up a chair in the corner but gets small packaged for two instead. A hurricanrana staggers Storm but he backdrops Kidman out to the floor. Storm’s northern lights suplex gets two and a superplex gets the same. Kidman tries a rollup but gets kicked into the chair for his efforts. Like most of the schnooks in this company, Storm tries a powerbomb and eats a faceplant for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but really uninteresting as you had two guys doing moves to each other and then one guy won. Certainly not bad or anything but I never cared about what happened. Then again I’ll take not caring over wanting to jump off a bridge any day on this show.

On a side note, one of the people that could actually powerbomb Kidman was La Parka. I know he’s been gone for awhile, but that powerbomb got me thinking about the people who aren’t around at this point. You can really see the cost cutting coming into play as a lot of names who had been around for a long time have just disappeared.

Buff Bagwell and his mom Judy finally arrive. Buff leaves her in the car (dude come on) and here’s Kanyon to volunteer to show her around. You can see a look in his eye.

Back from a break and Judy is in a neck brace and being taken away in an ambulance. Oh I would have loved to see her take that move.

Rick Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

Awesome elbows him off the middle rope to start and there’s a BIG section of empty seats opposite the camera. As in like twenty of them. That’s just horrible. After a quick trip to the floor, Rick kicks him low (which the referee could clearly see) and shouts a lot. Steiner loads him onto his shoulder and rams him into the buckle, followed by a German suplex for two. Mike grabs an Alabama Slam for two and the camera reveals even more empty seats in the corner. A belly to belly superplex gets two for Rick and he yells at the referee a lot, allowing Mike to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. Awesome was trying and Rick looked better than he had in a long time but he’s still a horrible excuse for a wrestler who can barely do anything without looking like he has no idea what he’s doing. I’m hoping Rick isn’t in for a full time return here as I was just getting over watching him help screw this company up last year.

Rick stays on him post match until Booker makes the save.

Positively Kanyon vs. Jeff Jarrett

Booker is on commentary and this is now the #1 contenders match all over again. Jeff gets an early two off a backslide and Kanyon gets the same off a small package. Kanyon is annoyed at the pace of the count (a very common complaint tonight) and has to settle for a top rope Fameasser. Jeff bails to the floor so Kanyon points at Booker, allowing Jarrett to get in a suplex on the outside. Both guys are whipped into a variety of metal objects with Kanyon getting the better of it.

The sitout Alabama slam gets two but the swinging book misses, allowing Jeff to DDT him onto the book (Heenan: “I’ve seen the book kill a lot of guys.”) for two. The referee won’t let Jeff use the guitar and a book shot gets two with Jeff going to the ropes for the break. Now it’s Jeff’s turn to go after Stevie and Booker, triggering a brawl. Bagwell comes out to attack Kanyon but security pulls him away, allowing the Stroke to put Kanyon away and send him to New Blood Rising (again).

Rating: C. As usual when you let talented guys have a match, it usually winds up being entertaining stuff. This was one of the better matches of the night (again due to having some time) and the ending made enough sense, but it’s still nothing that I’ve going to remember in a few minutes, which is another one of the major problems with this era.

Jeff and Booker yell at each other a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was a weird one with a lot of the Russo tropes coming out but at a much slower pace. That leaves you with a very odd show that isn’t really interesting but feels more like a collection of bad matches. I’d put this above the Russo shows due to more coherence…..and that’s about the end of its positives. Neither guy knows what they’re doing and it gets more and more clear every time I watch one of their shows. I’ll take Ferrara over Russo for now, but Terry Taylor and Kevin Sullivan are sounding a lot better every single day.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #248
Date: July 10, 2000
Location: Jacksonville Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Attendance: 5,257
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

We’re done with Bash at the Beach and that means a lot has changed in WCW. First of all, Booker T. is World Champion after a surprise change in last night’s title match. This change came about due to what seemed to be an overly complicated work/shoot which also saw the return of Vince Russo. We’re back to that old Russo style after a few weeks of false hope that the company might be getting better. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Booker becoming the new champion and gives us a quick history of Booker’s career in WCW. This was a really good way to make Booker look like a star but there was no mention of Hogan whatsoever. It really is Halloween Havoc 1999 all over again.

Tony recaps things as well and only mentions Russo making an impromptu title match due to some circumstances.

Here’s Booker for his first appearance as champion but the announcers are busy talking about things that they legally can’t talk about. The fans chant for Booker and it’s one of the few genuinely emotional moments in years around here. Booker says this is him speaking from the heart but above all else, he wishes his mom was here to see him win the title. Well that’s already a better moment than almost anything we’ve had in a long time.

Booker thanks the fans for being behind him every night and he’s always tried to give everything he can every single week. He thanks all the fans in Dayton Beach last night (silence from the Jacksonville fans for that one) and to all the people in the back who doubt him, don’t hate the player, hate the game. Above all though, Booker wants to talk about Goldberg.

Booker says Goldberg has been out with an arm injury but has spent months complaining about everything. Goldberg is nothing but a mark for the business and himself (more terms the fans don’t get). Booker has one more thing to say and brings his wife (not Sharmell) into the ring to thank her for her patience when he was gone all those times. Before Booker leaves, here’s Stevie Ray to interrupt.

Stevie remembers growing up with Booker and everything he did for him over the years. Then one day Scott Casey (the wrestler that trained them) saying Booker had what it took to go to the top. Now his brother is on top of the world and Stevie is so proud. They hug but here’s Midajah to interrupt as well. She yells at Booker’s wife about Scott Steiner being the only real man here and here’s Scott with a ball bat to take out Booker and Stevie. Booker is already a more interesting champion than we’ve had this whole year.

Jeff Jarrett blames the Cat for the title loss because he wasn’t ready to defend, though I believe Russo booked the match. Jarrett wants his rematch tonight but Booker already has a match thanks to the Cat. Cue Scott Steiner again to lay out Jarrett and wreck the interview set.

Shane Douglas vs. Crowbar

Before the match, Shane brags about how gorgeous Torrie is. Well you can’t argue that one. Torrie says Bagwell was in the wrong place at the wrong time and calls Kidman Little Billy. Crowbar hits the ring and gets an early two off a sunset flip before sending Shane to the floor for a plancha. Torrie is nice enough to step between them, allowing Shane to take over.

Back in and Shane gets Two Amigos of all things until Crowbar spins out, only to have Torrie trip him up so Shane can get in another shot. Cue Daffney for some screaming and it’s time for a quick catfight. Crowbar throws him back in for a slingshot legdrop and a Lionsault for two. Shane pops right back up and grabs the Franchiser for the pin.

Rating: D. Well you can’t complain about Torrie in a skin tight green dress and Daffney in jeans but the match was your usual Shane Douglas affair. He’s good at making you want to punch him in the face but the matches really aren’t the most interesting things you’re going to see. Crowbar continues to be totally fine in the ring but getting stuck either jobbing or having nothing better to do than mess around with David Flair.

Post match Buff Bagwell comes in and beats up Shane.

Kidman, in a Bash at the Beach shirt, says Torrie is a dime a dozen but he’s more interested in his career anyway. This brings in Jarrett to shove Kidman away, triggering a brawl.

Smooth shows up carrying a gold record. Tank Abbott, in the top half of a tuxedo and shorts, and 3 Count (in full tuxedos) are in his limo.

Cat gives Jarrett Kidman instead of a title match.

Here are 3 Count and Tank with the gold record and a ladder for some reason. Tank tells them to hang the record and who are they to argue with him. This brings in the Jung Dragons to shove the ladder over and beat up 3 Count, only to have Tank clean house. Cue the Great Muta of all people to spray mist at Tank, allowing the Dragons to make off with the gold record.

Kanyon thinks he should be #1 contender after beating Booker last night. Since Cat won’t do it though, he’s getting BANGED.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kidman

Jeff tries to get in some shots to start but Kidman snaps off a headscissors. That earns him a hiptoss out to the floor and Jeff sends him into the steps for good measure. Back in and Kidman’s high cross body is rolled through for two but Kidman clotheslines him back to the floor. I’m not sure how to handle this back and forth wrestling so here’s Torrie for a distraction.

Torrie’s slap is blocked but Shane comes out, allowing Torrie to kick Kidman low. That’s only good for two so Jarrett tries a powerbomb (as is his custom), setting up the facebuster because that’s still a thing for Kidman. A Bodog is countered though and the Stroke gives Jeff the pin.

Rating: C. As usual, Kidman could have been a lot more than just a guy in the midcard but instead they just have him job to every major name they can find and put him in a feud with Shane Douglas. The Torrie stuff would be fine but sweet goodness Shane really isn’t doing it for me and is dragging Kidman down with him.

Scott Steiner beats up Kanyon.

Cat gives Mike Awesome the US Title but he wants to earn it instead. He turns around and hits on an overweight woman. Well we had to get here eventually.

WCW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Booker T.

Booker is defending and slaps Mike in the face to start. Awesome’s right hands have Booker in trouble so it’s a spinwheel kick to put Mike out on the floor. Back in and some more right hands have Awesome in trouble in the corner but he runs Booker over with a clothesline. Since this is a Russo company, Awesome is allowed to use a chair to take over again. An Alabama Slam sets up the Awesome Splash for two. That’s enough wrestling for Mike so he sets up a table, only to be knocked through it instead. Back in and the ax kick and missile dropkick get two for Booker before the Book End retains the title.

Rating: B-. That might be high due to the level of awful I’m used to but I liked this match more than I was expecting to. Booker gets to look good over an athletic opponent and Awesome loses (again) to someone he shouldn’t be beating anyway. This was a good debut as champion for Booker, made much better due to the lack of interference. I could have done without the chair and table, but you have to expect that anymore in WCW. It’s really just part of the standard package these days.

Post match Steiner runs in to attack Booker but Awesome makes the save.

Here’s the Cat to yell about Steiner going on a rampage tonight and calls him out face to face. Steiner wants a title shot and swears a lot until Cat hits him. Scott fights back until Booker comes in for the save. This brings in Kanyon to attack Booker, which really doesn’t make a lot of sense. Jarrett comes in and goes after both of them until Booker fights them off. Cat makes a three way for the #1 contendership later tonight. We’re not done though as Goldberg comes out and wants to make it a fourway, which is quickly approved.

And now, a package on Ralphus/Norman Smiley vs. Big Vito. This really deserved time?

Norman has Ralphus in training, which has potential to be funny but I’d rather see Norman in a regular match.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus

Son of a Russo. Vito, defending here, goes after Norman to start as Ralphus stays in the ring. The other two fight into the back with Norman getting the better of it and blasting the champ with a fire extinguisher. They get back into the arena with Ralphus hiding behind a table in the ring. Vito pounds away and puts a traffic cone between Ralphus’ legs for a crutch shot. A top rope splash puts Ralphus through the table but Norman hits Vito in the back…..knocking him onto Ralphus for the pin to retain while Smiley dances.

Rating: F. So now he’s not just losing, but he’s losing because he can’t pay attention to something as simple as where his fat partner in a red shirt is laying. This division is dead but I’ve ranted enough about it already. Vito isn’t going anywhere but at least he’s not in his 50s or 60s.

The Cat beats up the Jung Dragons again because this is still a thing.

Paisley needs to get Artist’s shirt ready and asks a guy in the back if he can clean it. The guy, named Kiwi, is in neon pink and covers every stereotype of a gay model you can imagine. Paisley instantly swoons.

Lenny Lane is in the crowd with a sign that says USE ME.

Lance Storm vs. The Artist

Before the match, the fans chant USA at Storm. Lance responds by saying he’s not here for sports entertainment because he’s a wrestler from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. As you might expect, this is his heel turn promo. We get O Canada (full version) as the announcers bicker over whether we should give Storm silence. Paisley joins commentary as Storm hammers away to start.

A dropkick gets two for Lance as Paisley talks about Kiwi being a potential “purple passion fruit” in the future and calls Storm a Power Ranger reject. Artist gets two off a superkick but the middle rope DDT is countered with a northern lights suplex. Storm’s sitout powerbomb gets two and a springboard missile dropkick gets the same. Artist’s Angle Slam gets two more but the half crab makes him tap.

Rating: C+. Well there’s your surprise of the night. This was actually really entertaining with Paisley making me chuckle on commentary. Storm was on a roll at this point and I’m not sure why they turned him heel here when his style is far better suited as a good guy. Then again he’s foreign and I’m sure that screams bad in Russo’s thinking.

Vampiro is here and my eyes roll.

Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Corporal Cajun/General Rection

Kronik is defending and Juventud Guerrera/Rey Mysterio are on commentary. Adams and Rection start things off with Brian hitting a quick full nelson slam (don’t bother trying to fight out of the hold or anything). Off to Cajun who is launched off a cover so it’s back to Rection. Cue Jindrak and O’Haire to brawl with Juvy and Rey as Rection misses a top rope elbow. It’s off to Clark to clean house as everything breaks down.

A spinwheel kick to Clark sets up No Laughing Matter but Adams makes the save. Things settle down again until High Time plants Cajun with Rection having to make a save. Kronik completely botches the powerbomb/top rope clothesline to Cajun (Adams fell backwards and Clark came off the top too fast, leaving him to collide with Cajun in the air) but it’s enough to retain anyway.

Rating: D+. So Kronik is big, strong, and 58% more likely to cause severe head trauma to people from the Louisiana Bayou. I like the fact that we had the #1 contender match last week and they actually gave us the match here, but the Misfits really weren’t the best option. The division is getting more traffic, though that doesn’t mean the quality is going up at the same time.

Post match Perfect Event runs in to lay out Kronik.

Here’s Vampiro with a coffin and something to say. He’s been through everything and will survive in the darkness where everyone here fails. The Demon pops out of the coffin and gets in Vampiro’s face. Vampiro goes on about Asya not understanding the difference between good and evil so he wants Demon to beat her down. The lights get even weaker and Sting’s music comes on. Cue a guy we can’t see with a ski mask on, nearly guaranteeing that it’s not really Sting.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Positively Kanyon vs. Scott Steiner vs. Goldberg

Winner gets the title shot vs. Booker at New Blood Rising. One fall to a finish here and Kanyon starts with Steiner. Scott drops to the floor to yell at some fans before kneeing Kanyon in the face. The bicep elbow gets no cover so Steiner hits him with a chair. Goldberg breaks up the Recliner, allowing Kanyon to get two off a sitout Alabama Slam.

Jeff tags Kanyon but Scott suplexes Kanyon down anyway. There’s a Kanyon Cutter to Jarrett but Goldberg tagged himself in and speared Kanyon in half (to one of the pops of the night). Steiner makes a save to set up the staredown with Goldberg, only to have Jeff cover Kanyon for the pin.

Rating: D. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere but it started the build to Goldberg vs. Steiner. Kanyon was just there as a fall guy to set up Jarrett’s rematch which is a rare good idea from this company. Jarrett is a good option to give Booker another title defense on the big stage, though the promos are going to be a chore to sit through.

Overall Rating: C. Again, the less Russo on a show, the better they’re doing. There was no mention of Hogan’s name tonight and the whole thing last night seems to be a big waste. The ratings were indeed up by .3 over last week, good for about half of the increase Raw had. The wrestling was much better this week as some of the matches got more time but it still wasn’t anything I’m going to remember in about ten minutes, which is yet another major problem for this company right now.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: July 5, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Columbus, Georgia
Attendance: 3,088
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

It’s the go home show for Bash at the Beach, meaning my moderate smile about WCW is about to go away. We’re still in the “Can Jeff Jarrett build a whole main event by himself, even though it’s a boring match in the first place?” phase which amazingly enough isn’t working because Jeff Jarrett is one of the least interesting World Champions WCW has had in the last three months. Of the five guys to hold the title since early April, he’s like the fourth most interesting at best. Let’s get to it.

Standard Nitro recap to open things up. Enjoy this while it lasts.

Jarrett yells at the Cat about ratings and they keep insulting each other. Cat’s decision is to put Jarrett on the show tonight. Why in the world is Jeff Jarrett vs. the Cat the main feud on this show?

Here’s Jarrett to say THE EXACT SAME THINGS HE ALWAYS SAYS before talking about how he was told there was no time for him on the show this week. Tonight he’s going to retire Hulk Hogan but here’s Cat to interrupt. Cat is tired of hearing Jarrett go on and on (the Cat speaks for the people) so tonight he’s putting him in the ring. Then he’s going to put on a karate demonstration. Back to Jarrett, Cat is going to make Booker T./Buff Bagwell vs. Kanyon/Shane Douglas with the person getting the fall earning a title shot tonight. I’ve heard worse ideas, even though this isn’t very good.

Stasiak and Palumbo got into tanning beds earlier today and Woody turned them all the way up. What is up with this Woody guy? Is there no one else on the roster that could have used this to get somewhere? Maybe set up a challenger for the Tag Team Titles? No instead let’s go with a production guy who isn’t going to have a match. The bits are entertaining but this isn’t getting anyone anywhere.

Jarrett still wants Hogan. As he rants, Kanyon lays out a production guy with a Kanyon Cutter.

Rey Mysterio vs. Kidman vs. Lance Storm vs. Disco Inferno

One fall to a finish. Since this is WCW, the Animals’ name plate says Tygress is accompanying them but they come out alone. Storm gets jumped during his entrance as we’re waiting on Kidman to show up. Kidman finally hits the ring for the save and starts with Storm for a nice pinfall reversal sequence which is probably going to be the best thing on the show.

Mysterio elbows Kidman from behind though and Disco comes in to bring the quality down. Storm blocks a Bronco Buster with a raised boot, only to have Disco come in and try to steal a pin. Rey is fine with beating up his normal partner but Storm comes back in to break that up. A springboard legdrop gets two on Lance and everything breaks down. Disco piledrives Kidman for two but Storm grabs the half crab to make Disco tap.

Rating: C+. This was a lot more fun than I was expecting with all four guys (yes even Disco) moving around as much as they could in the four minutes they had. They’re probably lucky to get that given how much time this show needs to dedicate to everything else they have going on.

Buff promises he’ll go into Sunday as champion. The idea of Bagwell vs. Hogan as the main event of a pay per view makes me smile.

Buff is working on his own book called Positively Kanyon’s Greatest Moments. Chapter One: Kanyon Sucks. Chapter Two: Kanyon Still Sucks. Chapter Three: Kanyon Sucks Again. This was funnier than it should have been.

Perfect Event is let out of their tanning beds and look like they fell in buckets of red paint. Palumbo wants his mommy as Stasiak is told Woody did this.

Here’s the Cat for his karate demonstration with opponents…..the Jung Dragons. They’re Asian and therefore know martial arts you see. The Dragons jump Cat to start and take him down with a variety of kicks, setting up Jamie’s middle rope legdrop. Well that lasted longer than I was expecting. Cat bails and says this isn’t respectful enough. The Dragons are dumb enough to bow and all three get kicked in the face. Jamie’s missile dropkick slows Cat down for a bit but he kicks them all again and throws Kaz over the top by the crotch. All three Dragons are sent to the floor and Cat says that’s enough, meaning DANCE TIME!

Perfect Event goes after Woody in the production truck. Woody promises that he’ll have an army. Gee I wonder who that’s going to be.

Cat pays the Dragons and says he hasn’t had that much fun in a long time. Ok then.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. The Demon

Demon is challenging. Vito attacks the coffin in the back but gets jumped by Demon. Hardcore master Vito comes back by throwing Demon into a wall and bringing him out to the set for a ram into…..whatever those metal things on the set are. Vito puts a trashcan lid between Demon’s legs and stomps down on it before getting a piece of plywood. Was the table making union on strike this week?

As you might expect, Vito is thrown through the wood instead, followed by a middle rope elbow for two. This brings out Vampiro because this story is still going for some reason. Demon dropkicks a chair into Vito’s face (close enough) but Vampiro breaks a shovel over Demon’s back to give Vito the easy pin.

Rating: D. Vito’s hardcore stuff isn’t entertaining, anything Vampiro does is stupid at this point and no one ever cared about the Demon. This is the kind of stuff that could have been cut out to give the four way more time (maybe make it an elimination match) but WCW has a bad tendency to try and fit everything they can into one show. That’s rarely a good idea because most of the stuff doesn’t have the time to develop and we get stupid ideas like this.

Mike Awesome shows doctored footage that makes it look like he beat Rick Steiner on Monday. Gene calls him a mullock (trash) but Awesome hears him, scaring Gene half to death.

Shane and Kanyon argue over who is going to win tonight. Kanyon tries a Kanyon Cutter but Shane stares him down.

Here’s the Perfect Event with Stasiak slapping his partner on the back to make Palumbo cringe. They DEMAND Woody come out here right now so here he is, removing his shirt to reveal that he is in fact not a wrestler. As you might expect, Woody has some backup.

Brian Adams/Woody vs. Perfect Event

Non-title. Adams fights out of a double team to start thanks to Woody slapping Palumbo on the back. A powerbomb sends Stasiak onto Palumbo and Adams kicks Shawn in the face for good measure. Woody offers a double back slap to break up another double team, allowing Adams to full nelson slam Palumbo. A chokeslam (called High Times thanks to Woody) lets Woody pin Stasiak. Yeah a production guy just pinned a Tag Team Champion and I’m supposed to want to see Kronik fight them on Sunday.

Vito beats up Funk and leaves the arena.

Buff Bagwell/Booker T. vs. Shane Douglas/Kanyon

Whoever gets the fall gets a title shot tonight. Kanyon shoves Booker from behind and gets double teamed for his efforts. This brings up the question of whether Douglas should help his partner or not, which actually merits some discussion. Granted it’s not a discussion you’re going to get here but it could be interesting. A double suplex drops Kanyon and Booker officially starts with him. The assorted kicks keep Kanyon in trouble but Shane won’t tag in. That ends the interesting psychology discussion and goes right to stupid as you can’t get the fall if you’re not legal.

Buff comes in for a DDT but a Shane distraction (how hard can it be to distract Bagwell?) lets Kanyon get in a Russian legsweep. Shane still won’t tag in so Kanyon gets two off a neckbreaker. Buff elbows him out of the corner and drops a Vader Bomb (263 according to Tony. Huh?) followed by the Blockbuster but Shane makes the save. Booker comes in without a tag and Book Ends Kanyon for the pin and the title shot. Ignore Booker’s music playing at two.

Rating: D. Shane being stupid aside, it’s cool to see them actually push someone new. Of course Horace got a title shot last week so this could mean absolutely nothing. The problem is this is the kind of thing that they needed to do two years ago because now it means nothing. The match was nothing to see because again, it didn’t have enough time after Woody’s match.

MIA is given their orders for the night.

Daffney, now with red hair, is wearing a shirt that says step child.

Mike Awesome sprays something on Rick Steiner’s glasses.

Tygress/Juventud Guerrera vs. Major Gunns/Lieutenant Loco

The guys start with Juvy grabbing a headscissors but having to stop to pull his pants up. Heenan: “Juvy looks like he’s wearing the seat cover from a ’69 Pinto.” Loco’s tilt-a-whirl backbreakers send Juvy crawling over to Tygress so it’s time for the girls. Tygress tags out as well so Gunns takes off the shirt as a distraction to kick Juvy low. The catfight is on and Gunns does one of the worst slams I’ve ever seen. Loco lays out Juvy but another catfight breaks out. In the melee, Juvy hits Loco with the belt for the pin.

Rating: F+. These women are bad. Like, they’re Eva Marie kinds of bad. It’s ridiculous to call them wrestlers because this has nothing to do with wrestling. We have two women out there because of how they look, trying to do moves to each other and failing miserably. Chavo vs. Juvy will be fine but this was another big waste of time with the women in there.

Juventud leaves with the title.

Steiner puts the glasses on and is almost blinded.

Booker says he’ll win the title.

Video on Vampiro and the Demon.

Mike Tenay is at Jim Duggan’s home for a sitdown interview. Duggan and his wife are glad that he’s ok but he’ll be back no matter what Russo does. Somehow this takes three minutes.

Crowbar jumps David Flair as Miss Hancock watches.

Jarrett insults Gene for general purposes.

Rick Steiner gets medical treatment.

We recap Crowbar/David/Hancock/Daffney.

Crowbar vs. David Flair

Impromptu match. Crowbar throws David down the aisle but gets crotched on top. A superplex drops Crowbar and it’s already time for the Figure Four. Hancock comes out to help but gets caught to force the break. Crowbar yells at the referee and gets shoved into a rollup for two as Hancock comes in, allowing the low blow from David. Cue Daffney for a tug of war so Hancock can roll backwards with her skirt coming up. Daffney goes for Hancock’s hair and they run off, leaving Crowbar to hit David with the pipe. The Mind Bender (sitout gordbuster) puts David away.

Crowbar chokes David and threatens violence until David admits that he shaved Daffney’s hair. Again: IT WAS ALL ON TAPE! David also admits to cheating on Daffney, sending her leaving in tears. This is actually a good story no matter how goofy it’s been.

After a break, Hancock is getting checked out for a leg injury. David comes in and thinks something is up so the trainer gets his head shaved.

Rick Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

Rick’s eyes seem to be fine as Awesome pounds him down. Some belly to bellys get two for Steiner and they head outside for a table. Mike sets it up in the corner and is quickly shoved through it, only to have Awesome spray the stuff in Rick’s eyes again for an easy three count. The blinding stuff earlier in the night could have been completely omitted and nothing would have changed.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T.

Jarrett is defending. Heenan thinks winning the title might push Booker over the edge to being a big star. They trade shoulders to start until Booker clotheslines the champ to the floor. Jeff is sent into the announcers’ table but comes right back with an early sleeper back inside. A quick knee crusher and the Figure Four have Booker in trouble.

That’s way too early (and since it’s the Figure Four it’s not likely to win a big match) so Booker makes the rope and runs into a double clothesline. The ax kick sets up a spinebuster for two but here’s Kanyon with a Cutter on the floor to knock Booker silly. Jeff gets the pin but before he can even get in some good celebrating, Cat comes out to say not so fast. The champ is thrown back in and a rollup gives Booker two.

The missile dropkick gets the same with the foot going on the ropes (When Booker hooked the leg. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that.). A side kick hits the referee by mistake so there’s no one to count after the Book End. Cat is going to be referee and counts two off another kick. Jeff knocks Cat out with the guitar and walks out as another referee calls that a DQ to end the show.

Rating: C+. Good match marred by too much stuff going on at once. Cat vs. Jarrett is about as far down on the Austin vs. McMahon scale as you can get but you can see what’s going on and the promos are adequate so it’s still firmly above whatever Russo and Bischoff were doing. Booker felt right in this role for the simple reason of he’s spent years being built up. That’s something so many people don’t understand today: it’s really hard to throw someone with no resume into the main event and expect it to work. Booker has been built up for about seven years at this point and it feels right to see him moving forward.

Overall Rating: D+. They really are trying to make Hogan feel like he doesn’t matter here. It was so strange to not have Hogan, Nash or Goldberg around for an entire show as it was almost all about the young (well younger) guys for a change. That allowed for much better storytelling because you didn’t have so much focus on the old guys wanting to be champion but putting in the least amount of effort possible. It’s even more proof of what WCW could have been if they didn’t have so much chaos going on backstage to screw the whole thing up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #247
Date: July 3, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Charleston, West Virginia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

It’s the go home show for Bash at the Beach and I can’t imagine we’ll be seeing Hulk Hogan here tonight to set up the title match because that’s probably not in his contract. Other than that we might get Goldberg eating another contract and then finding a way to make it reappear. He’s like a magician you see. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s shows with almost every show getting a quick feature. Unfortunately this includes Vampiro but it also includes the Cat being all over the show.

Cat is on the phone and says he’s suspended Scott Steiner for a week. I believe this was the suspension over Scott not wanting to do a job on Thunder and being punished by being suspended with pay over the Fourth of July weekend. Mike Awesome comes in and isn’t happy about something.

Four ambulances are waiting outside.

Opening sequence.

Tank Abbott takes over DJ Ran’s booth (I love you Tank Abbott) and plays some 3 Count.

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

Shane tries to cut a promo but Tank tells them to shut up and sing. Six man tag here and the Dragons start fast upon hitting the ring. Jamie accidentally splashes Kaz as Shane has hurt his arm and has to be looked at by a trainer. As he leaves, Tank comes down to take his place, making sure to stand next to Shannon on the apron. Evan punches Yang down so it’s off to Shannon, because why tag in the killer? It’s quickly back to Evan, who sends Yang into the post. Everyone tries dives but Yang gets left in the ring with Tank. Madden: “DO THE CRANE DANNY!” Tank knocks Yang out and Shannon gets the easy pin.

Rating: C. The match was barely a thing as it was almost all about establishing Tank as the semi-official fourth member of the team. Like I’ve said though, the Dragons and 3 Count would have a lot of good matches but they would never climb up the card or do anything significant against anyone else. That’s a major area where WCW failed and it was rarely more true than here.

Tank makes them dance, including the returning Helms.

Kevin Nash arrives. I have no idea why his clothes are already in his dressing room.

Cat has a proposition for the Dragons.

Goldberg arrives.

Mike Awesome powerbombs a backstage worker through a table.

Video on the Outsiders. Screw you WCW for hinting that Hall might be coming back when you knew he wasn’t. Goldberg finally comes into the truck and demands that the video gets pulled. Nash isn’t pleased.

Here’s Goldberg to a big pop with something to say. He’s sick and tired of hearing about the Outsiders because they’re some of the biggest pieces of garbage in wrestling. Goldberg has carried this company for the past two years and he’s sick of having to do it. This brings out Nash to say he doesn’t want to wait but security holds him back. Cat comes out and says go to a commercial. Madden: “WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY COMMERCIAL???”

During the break, the locker room had to hold Nash back and Awesome powerbombed a security guard. That would be the second man sent to the hospital tonight.

Cat calls Eric and says he’s going to keep them apart for the rest of the night.

Terry Funk tells Johnny the Bull that he has a real tough opponent tonight before hitting Johnny with a chair.

Terry Funk vs. Johnny the Bull

Madden: “Could the opponent be Terry Funk?” Funk knocks Bull into the arena with a chair and does the same thing in the ring. Johnny gets rammed into the announcers’ table but comes back with a chair shot of his own. They head into the crowd with Johnny piledriving Funk onto a chair.

Back to ringside with Funk bleeding a bit from the eye, only to have Bull springboard from the top to the floor into a legdrop onto the chair onto Funk’s face. Yeah believe it or not, that’s REALLY STUPID TO DO and Johnny would be out for two months with a broken tailbone. Back in and Bull small packages him for two (Madden: “The heck with that! Kill each other!”) and DDT on a chair is enough to pin Funk.

Rating: D. I’ll give the points for having Funk put over some young guys, but at the same time it seems that the young guy is stupid enough to try a springboard legdrop to the floor. This is going to derail the hardcore division but it’s not like it’s hard to set up something new for this waste of time. Bad match, but at least Funk put someone else over.

We see Dale Torborg and Asya rehearsing earlier today when an explosion went off and knocked Asya off the stage.

Torborg is going back to the hospital when a man in a robe gives him the Demon attire. It’s Vampiro of course but there’s another man behind him in a robe of his own.

Goldberg yells at Cat.

General Rection/Corporal Cajun vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

The winners get a title shot next Monday. Jindrak, in pants instead of his trunks, gets punched down by Cajun to start before it’s off to Rection vs. O’Haire (also in pants for some reason). Rection slams him off the top and brings the Corporal back in, only to have him take a double suplex.

Cajun grabs a quick small package for no count as the General has the referee for no apparent reason. Sounds like a plot point. It’s off to Rection for a bunch of clotheslines as everything breaks down. An electric chair on the General sets up a top rope splash from Sean for two. Not that it matters as Rection slams Jindrak down and nails the No Laughing Matter for the pin.

Rating: D+. Build a team up one week, have a nothing team beat them the next week. Such is life in WCW because they have to go against what could work best for them for the sake of pushing people like Lash Leroux and Hugh Morrus. The match was good enough but that’s the stupid booking that has WCW in the shape it’s in.

Post match the Perfect Event comes in for the big beatdown with the exercise bars. The rest of the Misfits run in for the save and everyone lays down for CPR from Gunns.

Nash tells Cat to make the match.

Awesome powerbombs another backstage guy. Is there a point to this anytime soon?

Cat is on the phone with Eric again and says he has an idea.

Here’s Jeff Jarrett with something to say. After declaring himself amazing, Jeff talks about how great Hogan is. He talks about his granddaddy paying a nickel to watch Hogan back in the day and wanting to be like Hulk growing up. Now it’s 2000 and Jarrett is going to be the one to put him out this Sunday at Bash at the Beach.

Jarrett brings out fat ladies dressed as vikings to Flight of the Valkyries (Hudson: “Or Kill the Wabbit to some of you out there.”). They praise Jarrett a bit and then sing some of the Goodbye song to keep this going. A guy from standards and practices comes out, only to eat a guitar shot. WAY too long for the point here, aside from it not being funny.

Cat comes out to announce a battle royal with Goldberg and Nash included. If they can survive, they can fight each other. “Or make whoopee, I don’t care.”

The third ambulance leaves.

Jarrett and Cat yell at each other a lot.

Shane Douglas vs. Booker T.

Kanyon jumps Booker in the aisle and now we’re ready to go. Shane starts fast with some quick neck snaps and they head outside where Kanyon does the Diamond Cutter sign. Back in and Booker gets in a running forearm for his first offense. A Kanyon distraction fails and gives Booker a rollup for two, followed by the Book End (not yet named) for the pin.

Rating: D. Short and not good enough to go anywhere but at least Booker is on a winning streak. Shane is fine in this role and Kanyon continues to be funny, but they need more than three minutes to actually make this work. Booker vs. Kanyon should be fun on Sunday, though does anyone remember why they’re fighting in the first place?

Kanyon lays out Booker post match until Page’s music plays. Tony freaks out and then realizes Kanyon has just stolen the song.

The Demon is back.

Cat puts a bunch of people in the battle royal and says their jobs are to hold Goldberg and Nash apart. Bonuses are promised.

We recap Vampiro vs. Torborg/Demon.

The Demon vs. Vampiro

Vampiro’s entrance is interrupted by the Road Report. These editing errors wouldn’t pass on a low level indy company. Vampiro kicks him down to start as the fans want Sting. In a stupid moment, Vampiro sends him into the ropes and ducks, looking at Demon the entire time as Demon kicks him in the face. Demon fights back and we’ve got an army of guys in hoods and Sting masks. They all point bats at Vampiro and the distraction lets Demon grab the Love Gun (cobra clutch slam) for the pin.

Post match the hooded guys surround Vampiro but the lights go out and Vampiro is gone. Did you expect anything less?

Smooth talks to the Filthy Animals.

Cat gives the same speech to the Misfits and some other guys. Johnny the Bull is here despite being sent to the hospital earlier. God bless pre tapes.

David tries to talk Daffney, who now has short, blue hair, out of fighting Hancock. Over his shoulder, Hancock is shown going to the ring in a wedding gown (which stops about a foot above her knees) and David can’t help but look. David opts to sing to Daffney instead.

In the ring, Hancock says she can’t decide what to wear under the wedding gown on Sunday. Maybe she’ll just wear nothing. Since she’ll be winning Sunday, she’ll just give us what we want now. Crowbar comes in to stop the dancing and we cut to David in the back. He claims a stomach ache and runs to the ring as Crowbar has Hancock in a chair. Crowbar pulls out clippers to take Hancock’s hair off. Madden: “SHAVE HER! SHAVE HER!”

David comes out for the save but Daffney catches him and hits David low. Of course she has a bottle of Pepto-Bismol too. A lame catfight starts and Hancock distracts Crowbar until David hits him with a chair. Daffney gets her cut off and David puts the clippers in Crowbar’s hands for Daffney to find. As usual, video doesn’t exist in the wrestling world.

During the break, Crowbar chased after Daffney but got laid out by Awesome and thrown in an ambulance.

Smooth brings Tygress in to see Cat. A proposition is made but Cat wants to keep his shoes on.

Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera vs. Lance Storm/Kidman

Before the match, Disco brings out Juvy and Rey dressed as Storm and Kidman for a special interview. They make the expected jokes until the real Storm and Kidman come out for the brawl to start the match. Kidman powerbombs Juvy to start and it’s off to Storm for a gorilla press. Rey makes the save with a dropkick and kicks Storm low. Lance comes right back with a suplex and makes the tag off to Kidman for some house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Storm powerbombs Rey, only to have Juvy faceplant Kidman on a chair for the pin.

Rating: C-. I’d love to see these guys get a regular tag match instead of having to fly through everything in four minutes because we need to see Mike Awesome powerbomb someone else or whatever STUPID Vampiro and Demon stuff is going on. As usual, WCW has too much going on to keep track of the entertaining stuff.

Cat is getting his clothes back on and missed what just happened.

Vampiro is all annoyed and wants Demon in a Graveyard Match, whatever that is.

Nash says Sunday is about Scott Hall but tonight is about Kevin. He’s ready for Goldberg.

We recap Awesome’s rampage.

Awesome comes to the ring and yells about not being a mullet in the same tone that Owen would say he wasn’t a nugget. Fans: “MULLET!” He wants Scott Steiner right now and demands a bell ring. A referee comes out to count to ten but Rick Steiner runs in and takes Mike out, promising that Scott will do the same on Sunday.

Cat gives the people in the battle royal a pep talk.

Battle Royal

Nash comes out and we cut to the back again where Cat tells the Misfits and Booker to stay out of this. Juvy and Rey come out first and this is looking like a gauntlet match. Nash eliminates both of them with ease and Konnan gets the same. Disco’s sleeper doesn’t work so here comes the Perfect Event to finally slow Nash down a bit.

Nash fights them off but doesn’t throw them out as Big Vito comes in with the stick. Now it’s Kanyon to make it 5-1 as the Misfits are still being held back. Booker shoves him away and the good guys come out, followed by Goldberg. House is cleaned in a hurry and Goldberg superkicks Nash. The Misfits grab Goldberg’s boot though, allowing Nash to kick him in the face for the elimination and the win.

Rating: F. It’s another segment called a match where Nash AGAIN gets to run roughshod over half the roster because why else would you bring him out there? They’ve done a good job of building up Nash vs. Goldberg, but this has to lead to them having a match and that’s where the whole thing is going to fall apart.

Security holds them back to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Again one of the best shows in a long time, fat viking women aside. There are coherent stories here and that means more for WCW than anything else. Their key at the moment is attracting new viewers and the Russo shows weren’t doing it. You should be able to tell what’s going on within thirty seconds of turning on the show. The Russo shows needed about a month to make sense (assuming he hadn’t changed the story a dozen times in the first hour) whereas these are simple stories that you can figure out quick. Unfortunately that doesn’t make the stories good, but it’s a step up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: June 28, 2000
Location: Pershing Arena, Lincoln, Nebraska
Attendance: 3,439
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re in such a weird place with WCW at the moment as they’re not very good at the moment but it’s SO much better than the Russo and Bischoff era. Russo and Bischoff seem to have destructed inside of the first two and a half months with Russo going home and Bischoff disappearing. This has given me such a good laugh as the fans somehow have more patience than they do for this nonsense. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Monday’s four way title shot. I don’t remember the last time Jeff didn’t defend the title on Nitro.

Smooth and Jarrett are in the back with Smooth thinking Cat has a conspiracy against the champ. Jarrett doesn’t worry about it because he has to deal with Hogan. You know this because the guitar now has a Hogan shirt around it. You can add Jeff Jarrett selling a World Title match on his own to the list of WCW’s really bad ideas.

Here’s Jarrett to brag about being the greatest WCW World Champion ever after beating Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash in the last week. He’s been looking for some of the fattest women he can find to sing at Bash at the Beach because Terry Bollea is done. They’re still going WAY too far for this gag but I’m sure it would play in Memphis and that’s totally like the rest of the country.

Horace comes out to stand up for his uncle but R&B Security (remember them?) breaks it up. The Cat comes out to say that Horace wants to eat Jarrett’s children (the only time Horace will ever be compared to Mike Tyson) so tonight it’s Horace vs. Jarrett for the title. For some reason Horace gets in Cat’s face, sending Cat running off screaming about ratings in a funny bit. So this company’s savior is now Horace. E pluribus gads.

The announcers recap Goldberg vs. Duggan in a discussion almost as long as the match itself.

The Misfits are given their assignments for tonight with Corporal Cajun challenging Lieutenant Loco for the Cruiserweight Title. Cajun says it’s going to be staying in the family no matter what. Loco threatens to kill Cajun for touching the belt or for calling him Chavo. Ok then.

Kanyon tells Gene that he’s going to Kanyon Cut everyone he sees tonight, sending Gene running away in fear.

Cruiserweight Title: Corporal Cajun vs. Lieutenant Loco

Cajun is challenging. They start fast with Cajun grabbing a headlock but Loco flips out and starts a very quick series of rollups, drawing a rare round of applause from the crowd. As always: fans acknowledge entertaining wrestling. The champ gets two off a quick hurricanrana and gets rolled up while he yells at the referee. Cajun comes back with a headscissors and tilt-a-whirl slam for two, followed by a powerslam for the same. Loco backdrops him to the floor but almost completely misses a dive over the top. Back in and a quick tornado DDT retains the title.

Rating: C. This was about what I was expecting from these two as they’re both good enough in the ring to have a good, short match. Chavo was getting better and better every week at this point and the Cruiserweight Title helped validate him a lot. At least it was better than it was on the Artist.

Johnny the Bull is looking for Terry Funk but gets attacked by a janitor…..who is Terry Funk. Never let your guard down Johnny.

Scott Steiner threatens the Cat with a stapler until he gets a match with Mike Awesome tonight.

3 Count vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

Before the match, we hear about the success of their new single and there is NO truth to the rumors that they’re lip synching. Jindrak and O’Haire hit the ring to jump the band from behind (pests) and it’s Helms as the odd man out here. Jindrak gets kicked to the floor and Evan hits a huge dive.

We cut to the back to see Tank Abbott arriving, only to get ticked off that he missed the performance. Back in the arena and Jindrak gets double suplexed, only to have Evan’s Whisper in the Wind hit his partner. The hot tag brings in O’Haire, who throws Shannon over the referee for a huge crash. The Seanton Bomb pins Shannon to make them 2-0.

Rating: C-. These new guys are getting better (you know, after their seven or so minutes combined so far) and it’s cool to see them hitting the ground running. Considering I have to think rather hard about who the Tag Team Champions are right now, it might be time for some fresh teams in the division.

Post match Tank comes out with a green square (which he didn’t have when he arrived), demanding that 3 Count sing. Tank dances on his square at ringside until Kronik comes down to clean house.

Kanyon takes out the guy who brings him a sandwich. This is actually kind of funny, just like everything else Kanyon has been doing lately.

Here’s Big Vito, who challenges the Jung Dragons to a hardcore gauntlet match.

Hardcore Title: Jung Dragons vs. Big Vito

Vito is defending of course. Yang is in first and gets beaten down, only to avoid a quick splash. Some kicks and right hands in the corner have little effect on Vito as he throws Yang down with a suplex and drops the top rope elbow for the elimination. Now it’s Kaz running in for a bunch of kicks and a cross body. His victory roll out of the corner is easily countered into an electric chair though and Vito’s top rope splash gets rid of Kaz.

That leaves Jamie-San who comes in with a dropkick and low baseball slide. A quick Russian legsweep and middle rope legdrop get two on the champ. Jamie is right back up with a top rope splash for the same but Vito kicks him in the face. Some cane shots knock out the other Dragons but Jamie gets in a missile dropkick

Rating: D. Other than the cane shots, there was nothing hardcore about any of this, which completely defeats the point of the title. Jamie was AWESOME here though and is clearly the star of the team. Unfortunately he’ll probably be seen as too small and given roughly 193 other reasons why he can’t get a push. Like he’s not old enough or doesn’t have a sex joke for a name.

Jamie-San, who has suddenly grown quite a bit, celebrates until Jamie-San gets in. The guy who got the pin unmasks to reveal Johnny the Bull, which is probably leading to a Dusty Finish.

Funk is very pleased.

Awesome is told that he has to face Steiner tonight and isn’t pleased.

Daffney jumps Hancock in makeup and covers her with powder. The story makes sense but at some point they’re going to have a match and it’s all downhill from there.

Perfect Event hijacks Woody again, leaving a cameraman to take a surprise Kanyon Cutter.

Perfect Event vs. General Rection/Major Stash

Non-title. Woody has been dragged to the floor and it’s a brawl to start with the Misfits charging to the ring. Rection and Palumbo start things off with Stasiak tripping the General, setting up a nice flying tackle for two. I have a feeling that’s the extent of the good looking offense here. Both champions fire off kicks with Palumbo’s coming straight from the jungle. The PerfectPlex is countered into a suplex for two and it’s back to Palumbo who keeps control.

Now we get to the drama as Stasiak doesn’t want to tag out. You mean this team that was thrown together like three weeks ago isn’t totally solid? We hit the chinlock with a knee in Rection’s back, drawing Stash in for the save sans tag. Palumbo and Stasiak use the distraction to switch so Stasiak can do some chinlocking.

Rection can’t get all the way up as Stasiak pulls him back down. A double clothesline finally allows the hot tag to Stash, who takes Stasiak down with the cobra clutch slam (which he took forever to remember how to do). No Laughing Matter is good for the pin on Shawn because champions are worthless.

Rating: D-. Remember how I said fans recognize the talent in someone like Chavo or Leroux? The same is true here, as they understand that the only one with any form of talent in there is Rection and he’s a few inches under his ceiling here. Palumbo has a good physique and a good superkick but you can’t build a career on that. Horribly dull match.

WCW World Title: Horace Hogan vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending in case you’re really slow. Horace charges in and hits a few clotheslines to put the champion on the floor. They head into the crowd for all of ten seconds before Jeff hits one of the worst chair shots I’ve ever seen to Horace’s leg. Back in and we hit the slow stomping as the fans get downright vicious by saying Jarrett sucks.

Outside again with Horace sending him into a few metal objects, followed by throwing him over the announcers’ table. Some right hands to the head have Jeff in trouble and there goes the referee. A low blow puts Horace down and Jeff loads a chair in the corner, only to have the champ go head first into it for two. The referee gets back up to take the chair away from Horace but Jeff……does what is called the Stroke onto the chair (Horace landed on his back) to retain.

Rating: D-. For the love of all things good and holy stop with the Horace pushes. It’s another not very good wrestler taking the spot from someone who could use a high level spot like this. As usual though, the guy getting pushed because of nepotism can’t live up to his spot and makes for some horrible matches.

Jeff guitars Horace post match.

Vampiro finds a Sting mask in a locker and freaks out. Let’s get this over with.

Here’s Vampiro in the ring to talk about putting Dale Torborg in a coffin, just like he did to Steve Borden. There go the lights and we’ve got two hooded people in the ring. Vampiro unmasks one of them and finds Asya, who spits red liquid in his face. Of course the other one is Torborg, who pounds Vampiro down with a bat. The lights go out again and the two of them disappear, only to have another hooded man above the video screen point a light at Vampiro’s face. Of everything on WCW right now, Vampiro and his WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN stuff might be the most annoying.

Lance Storm talks about making his name wrestling instead of dancing. That’s how you get noticed in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Kidman wants revenge on the Filthy Animals for jumping him a few weeks back. The two of them leave so Kanyon can sneak in and lay out the cameraman. He even leans down and does the diamond sign to the camera.

Kidman/Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera

Kidman and Mysterio go to the floor to start, leaving Juvy to roll Storm up for a quick two. The Juvy Driver is broken up and the half crab goes on until Rey comes in for a quick save. Kidman comes in for a Sky High and it’s quickly off to Rey who spins all around Kidman into a hurricanrana because that’s what heels do. It’s back to Juvy who has to escape another powerbomb by elbowing Kidman in the head.

Juvy can’t powerbomb Kidman but since the good days are gone, Kidman just backdrops out instead. Juvy is up first with a top rope clothesline, only to dive into a dropkick. Storm gets the tag for his first official action in WCW and you can feel the energy again. House is quickly cleaned and everything breaks down with Rey and Juvy having to break up pins. So much for the tagging part.

Kidman sends Juvy outside but Storm misses a dive, leaving Kidman to take What’s Up with a legdrop instead of a headbutt. The Juvy Driver gets two and it’s time for the Juvy Elbow because he’s the Rock for reasons I still don’t understand. Storm breaks it up with a springboard missile dropkick, setting up Kidman’s top rope splash for the pin on Juvy.

Rating: C+. Another good and fast paced match here as Storm has been a breath of fresh air into the midcard. Kidman turning face again was the right idea, though it would have been nice to have him get a big win instead of losing every showdown to Hogan and then dropping down to fight the Animals.

Post match Storm and Kidman fight off the Animals with ease.

Kanyon gets a match with Buff tonight.

Tygress vs. Paisley

These two have been feuding for a few weeks now and this could be quite the train wreck as neither is a wrestler. Tygress jumps her from behind and the Animals are quickly ejected. A choke minus the actual choking has Tygress in control early and a hair toss gets one. Paisley comes back with a horrible hiptoss as the announcers have to ignore a WE WANT PUPPIES chant. Paisley slams her for a pin to end this quick.

Tygress jumps Paisley from behind and celebrates. You just got pinned BY A SLAM. You have no right to celebrate a thing.

Buff Bagwell vs. Positively Kanyon

Kanyon rips up a book on the way to the ring. Doesn’t that hurt his own sales? Some early right hands have Buff in trouble but he backdrops out of a Diamond Cutter attempt. A backdrop sets up some stomps from Buff but Kanyon grabs his really crisp Russian legsweep. That’s enough for Kanyon as he takes out the referee with the Cutter, earning a DQ from a replacement referee.

Post match Bagwell beats him up and hits a DDT onto the book, only to have Kanyon hit him in the head with a brick. Well that’s quite the big jump up in aggression. Booker comes out to save us from hearing another chapter.

Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

Non-title I assume. Steiner pounds him down to start and clotheslines Mike out to the floor. An announcer’s chair to the back of the head staggers Awesome and they fight into the crowd. Back in and Scott keeps in control with the bicep elbow. They head right back to the floor with Awesome hitting him in the ribs with a chair (a regular one this time). The top rope clothesline gets two on Steiner but he comes back with a belly to belly superplex. The Steiner Recliner goes on but here’s Cat to say that’s illegal. Cat superkicks the referee and hits Steiner with the belt. Naturally he has a referee shirt on and Awesome gets the pin.

Rating: D. Steiner did some moves, Awesome did some moves, they did the finish. Cat is starting to be on the show way too much, but at least he’s more entertaining than Russo and is willing to take a beating every now and then. The US Title needs to change hands already. Steiner is a main eventer already so let anybody else have the title so they can go somewhere.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was uneven as it had some ok wrestling and hilarious bits with Kanyon but also featured Horace Hogan getting a World Title shot and another lame main event. All that being said, it continues to be miles better than what we were sitting through just two weeks earlier. Bash at the Beach is next week though and the pay per views have been doing more damage than two months’ worth of good TV could fix.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #246
Date: June 26, 2000
Location: Veterans Memorial Auditorium, Des Moines, Iowa
Attendance: 4,573
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Russo is still gone over his latest backstage issue (something involving talent being moved around against his wishes), meaning we might be in for something watchable again tonight. We’re coming up on Bash at the Beach (where the watchableness ends) and the top matches of Hogan vs. Jarrett for the title and Nash vs. Goldberg for Hall’s contract (which was eaten one night and totally fine two nights later). Let’s get to it.

Quick recap of last week to open things up. Sign of the recent times: this made sense!

Cat is talking with his limo driver.

Here’s Cat to open things up, after walking past a fan flipping him off. Bash at the Beach is going to be a great show when Jarrett beats Hogan and Goldberg finally gets rid of Scott Hall. I agree, he’s been such a nuisance lately. As for tonight, there’s a four corners match for the World Title. Again, WHY DO THEY KEEP MAKING JARRETT DEFEND THE TITLE??? It doesn’t make sense! There will be two qualifying matches with Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome and Scott Steiner vs. Shane Douglas. The third challenger will be Goldberg who gets a bye.

This brings out…..Jim Duggan? He’s been sitting in the back long enough and now it’s time for him to stand up for the heroes around here. Duggan wants Goldberg tonight to beat some sense back into him and turn him into the man he used to be. The match is on and Duggan says that despite his health issues, Cat is going to have to explain why old Hacksaw is WCW World Champion. It’s cool to see Duggan back, but this would have been a way to give someone a rub by having them call out Goldberg.

Shane isn’t happy with his match tonight.

Kanyon is holding a book signing but no one has shown up. I’d have gone.

Sean O’Haire/Mark Jindrak vs. Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera

This is the start of one of the last eras in WCW as they FINALLY tried to infuse some new talent, albeit a year or two late. Before the match, Konnan talks about cranberries and Disco repeats what he can understand. Jindrak and O’Haire are both about 6’5 and throw Juvy around with ease. A half scoop/half gorilla press sends Juvy flying and a big clothesline drops him again.

Jindrak misses a splash and a Mysterio clothesline sends him into a sunset flip fro Juvy. What’s Up with a legdrop instead of a headbutt has Mark in even more trouble. Sean gets knocked off the apron but Jindrak ducks so Rey and Juvy dropkick each other. O’Haire comes in with a top rope double clothesline and a double suplex drops the Animals again. A tilt-a-whirl slam from Jindrak sets up a swanton bomb (later the Seanton Bomb) from O’Haire for the huge upset pin on Juvy.

Rating: C-. WHERE WAS THIS TWO YEARS AGO??? This is what’s so frustrating about WCW: they clearly know how to solve these problems and give a new team a good rub but they would rather all the young people fight each other while the old talent sits on their mountaintop. Jindrak and O’Haire weren’t the Dudleyz or the Hardyz but they were young, in good shape and won clean. That’s more than most young guys can say they’ve accomplished in years in WCW so they’re off to a good start.

Post match the Animals beat down the rookies until Lance Storm makes the save.

Cat tells the Animals to find Storm and bring him to the office.

Duggan’s wife can’t talk him out of the match.

Video on Big Vito.

Here’s Big Vito with two kendo sticks and an open challenge. No word on if this is for the title.

Big Vito vs. Jamie-San

Jamie gets beaten down with one of the sticks to start so Yang comes in to help. That earns him a beating as well so Kaz has to come in with a missile dropkick. The Dragons start triple teaming with kicks and Jamie adds a flapjack. A moonsault, missile dropkick and high cross body set up a triple guillotine legdrop to leave Vito laying. No referee so no match but was there a need to crush a champion like that?

Terry Funk offers Johnny the Bull a pep talk in the form of a chair to the back. A friendly chair to the back that is.

The Perfect Event goes into the production truck but Woody Woodpecker (guy from Thunder) leaves instead of dealing with them again.

Shane asks Big Smooth (the limo driver’s name) to get him out of here but Smooth has an idea.

The Filthy Animals play Scooby and the Gang to look for Storm.

Tank Abbott is watching in the back with the face of a thirteen year old girl. 3 Count comes to the ring to their new song, prompting Tank to dance all over the place. The music cuts off though and Tank is MAD. Woody comes up to say it was the Perfect Event (that’s VERY convenient timing) so Tank storms the production truck and drags them to the ring. Since he’s Tank Abbott, they’re defending the titles right now.

Tag Team Titles: Perfect Event vs. 3 Count

Karagias is the odd man out here. 3 Count starts fast with some dives over the top before Palumbo takes a Samoan drop/neckbreaker combo. Stasiak comes in with a cheap shot and the champs take over with a bunch of stomping in the corner, though it’s no Unicorn Stampede. A shoulder from Palumbo gets two on Helms and we get a lot more stomping.

Stasiak’s powerbomb is countered into a DDT and it’s off to Moore for some house cleaning. Shannon tries a high cross body but dives into a fall away slam from Palumbo. Heel miscommunication and Moore grabs a quick hurricanrana but there’s no referee. The exercise bar from Palumbo knocks Moore out and a double flapjack retains the titles.

Rating: D+. Well at least a young team won. With O’Haire and Jindrak debuting earlier, there’s actually something resembling a youth movement but at the same time, I have no reason to believe that these guys are going anywhere near the main event. I don’t know why I should think otherwise as it never happens around here, which is part of why this company is in the place it’s in. At least we’re getting something new though and I’ll take that over Bagwell and Douglas as champions all day.

Kronik comes out to clean house. As they leave, 3 Count wants to sing but Kronik chases them off. This brings out Tank to lay Adams out and it’s time for a dance party. Tank sucks in the ring but he’s way too entertaining in this role.

Juvy gets knocked out from behind. We can’t see who did it.

Duggan tells his wife that he’s ready and knows he can beat Goldberg.

Kanyon now has a line of people. His secret: free booze.

Video on Jim Duggan’s recovery from cancer and his return to the ring. That’s always cool to hear.

World Title Qualifying Match: Goldberg vs. Jim Duggan

The referee has to duck Duggan’s swinging flag. Before the match, Cat says there’s no interference and no 2×4 allowed. Again: that’s normal, not some special rule. Tony rips on Cat for making this a “level playing field”. That’s exactly what he’s doing Tony, you miserable schmuck.

Duggan hammers away to start and the fans are actually way into this until Goldberg takes him down with a clothesline. They head outside with Duggan going head first into the post, followed by a kidney shot. Duggan’s goofy eyes bug out as he escapes a chinlock and he hits a big slam, which is no sold because it’s just a slam. Spear and Jackhammer end Jim quick.

Rating: D-. This was an idea but they were smart to keep it short. Duggan is one of the old school goofy guys who can do whatever he want and still get cheered so having Goldberg out there beating him up is at least trying something. At the end of the day though, this heel turn is a disaster as the fans simply do not want to boo Goldberg, no matter what he does.

Goldberg hits him in the kidneys to try to get people booing, which works as well as anything else has.

A lot of people are freaked out over Duggan.

Duggan is loaded into an ambulance and Nash promises to stop Goldberg.

World Title Qualifying Match: Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome

Nash is so ticked off that he absorbs some punches and suplexes out of a headlock. Oh man he’s so mad that he’s trying to wrestle. I’ve heard of this kind of anger before but I’ve never actually seen it. Nash takes over in the corner and gets into his normal rhythm with knees and a crotch chop in the corner, followed by a framed elbow. Awesome comes back with some clotheslines and the Awesome splash for two, only to have the Awesome Bomb broken up. They head outside with Nash firing off more elbows until a low blow stops him cold. It’s chair time but Awesome gets it kicked into his face for a quick pin.

Rating: D. The anger stuff was good for all of fifteen seconds and then it was your standard Nash match. Remember when Awesome jumped to WCW like two months ago and this looked like it could have been a big feud for him? Well now he’s jobbing to Nash in three and a half minutes as we wait on his next ambulance match because that’s his thing now.

Konnan gets laid out too.

World Title Qualifying Match: Scott Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell

Non-title of course. At least it’s not Luger vs. Bagwell. It’s a pose down to start so Steiner flips him off. Buff avoids a charge in the corner and grabs a quick neckbreaker. Tony says you have to stay out of the Recliner. Since it’s banned and would cause a DQ, wouldn’t you want to get caught in it? Steiner comes back with the Tree of Woe choke but Buff escapes the Recliner. It doesn’t seem that the referee knows the difference in the rules either. Most of the Blockbuster gets two but Steiner grabs a belly to belly for the pin. At least they didn’t go against continuity with the finish.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match here for the shortened time but it’s still Scott Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell. Maybe I’m just burned out on all the WCW nonsense over the last few months. Bagwell clearly didn’t have a chance but at least they didn’t go with anything overly stupid and long.

They shake hands post match and Steiner leaves, allowing Shane to come in for a cheap shot. Steiner runs back in for the save.

Jeff Jarrett doesn’t have much to say besides Slap Nuts.

Hancock leaves David’s dressing room and blows him a kiss. Daffney was watching.

Here’s Miss Hancock for her weekly dancing. This brings out Daffney for the catfight but she takes a shoe to the face. Hancock leaves as Daffney says she’s going to ruin Hancock’s life, starting at Bash at the Beach.

The Animals have a meeting to calm things down.

Booker comes up to the book signing and asks Kanyon to sign his brick. The beatdown is on with Kanyon going through a table. As CM Punk would later say: “Security around here sucks.”

Miss Hancock wants the match with Daffney to be an evening gown match. Pamela seems intrigued by this.

Here’s Disco Inferno with his own referee to call out Lance Storm. He doesn’t know if Storm is stupid or Canadian, but Storm can’t just run out here whenever he wants. Storm comes through the crowd and we’re off.

Lance Storm vs. Disco Inferno

A superkick drops Inferno and a great looking dropkick does the same. Storm goes up but gets crotched, allowing Disco to grab a running neckbreaker for two. They botch something and Storm misses a dropkick. Back up and a standing hurricanrana gets two and he easily blocks the Last Dance, setting up the half crab for the win. Too short to rate but Storm looked awesome.

The Filthy Animals come out to attack Storm but Kidman makes the save with a lead pipe. It’s implied that Kidman was the attacker earlier in the night.

Torborg goes into a dark room. I really don’t want to see what develops.

After a break, Vampiro attacks Torborg from behind but Torborg swings a shovel at him. Vampiro kicks him down and then into a coffin. He closes the lid but then opens it up to yell at Torborg some more. Someone comes up from behind and hits Vampiro before putting a Sting mask on him. You mean he’s not even going to be out until the next pay per view? And didn’t Vampiro have a master he was answering to?

Konnan wants to fight Storm and Kidman on Thunder. I don’t see this ending well.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Before Nash comes out we cut to the back to see Goldberg standing over Nash’s unconscious body. The bell rings with Jarrett attacking Steiner in the aisle until they get to the ring where Steiner takes over. Jeff gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a kick to the ribs and here’s Goldberg. Steiner takes a gorilla press into a powerslam but the spear hits post.

The champ has to pull the referee out at two. The fans FINALLY think Goldberg sucks as Steiner gets double teamed. An AA sets up a cross armbreaker from Goldberg with the referee finally remembering to ask if Steiner gives up. Cue Mike Awesome to steal the US Title from Midajah.

Steiner makes his comeback and beats both guys down until Awesome pulls him to the floor for a belt shot. Nash comes back and beats up Jarrett. Awesome takes a powerbomb and Nash keeps cleaning house because he’s Kevin Nash. Goldberg gets in a quick superkick to knock Nash silly though, allowing Jeff to get the pin to retain. It’s made clear that Goldberg didn’t care about the title.

Rating: D. That’s probably being nice too. They kept this one as short as they could and somehow only had three people in the ring for most of the match. It’s nice that they had a concept at the start of the show and actually paid it off though, which is such a huge upgrade over what I’ve been sitting through. Bad match of course because most of these guys are brawlers who rarely go more than five minutes but again: you could tell what was going on and that’s a big step up.

Goldberg pulls out Hall’s contract and destroys it (again) to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Again: set up an idea, pay the idea off. These shows aren’t advancing anything as Hogan is still looming and as usual can’t be bothered to show up to build a match but they’re WAY better than having the usual insanity and Russo worship that we’ve seen for what feels like years now. I’ll take a run of the mill dull show over that maddening stuff for weeks on end but Bash at the Beach scares the heck out of me.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6