Tables Ladders and Chairs 2010
Date: December 19, 2010
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

It’s the all gimmicks all the time show which was fun last year so we have that to hope for at least. The card looks decent and I’d expect a seventh match to pop up on here. The show is kind of predictable in theory though, but it’s nothing I’m worried about. Well I’m out of filler lines and the show is starting so let’s get to it.

Opening video/montage is about Cena vs. Nexus. Never mind as apparently it’s about champions, which makes more sense. The video is getting me hyped up at least so that should be a good sign.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler

That’s what I figured would be the opener. Nothing like a hot opener to be, you know, the opener. King says that Vickie isn’t as cute as Bill Dundee in another line that most people won’t get at all. Weird kind of three way brawl to start and we get a LOUD Kofi chant. Ziggler to the floor and Cole and Lawler start chatting about ladder matches which should be interesting.

First ladder brought in by the champion but both challengers shove him off as the champion touches the belt. Sweet dropkick by Kofi takes down Swags. In a smart spot Kofi shoves the ladder down onto Swaggers’ hands/arms as he’s using the ropes to get up. Another ladder in now, also by Ziggles. Swagger has to get his arm looked at as Kofi lands back first on a ladder.

Slingshot from the mat into the ladder draped over the middle rope. It may help if I say Swagger launched Ziggler into it. This is going WAY too fast to call play by play and such. Ziggler hits a Fameasser onto Kofi onto a ladder onto Swagger. Everyone is out so Vickie comes in. Lawler: who does she think she is, Michael Cole? She tries to go up for no adequately explored reason so Kofi starts to tip over the ladder until the heels make the save.

Everyone on the floor now as the fans are WAY behind Kofi still. He goes up the ladder but Swagger grabs the ankle lock. Ziggler climbs up their backs and nearly pulls it off. Ziggler vs. Kofi on top as Jack is down on the floor. Big BOMBS being thrown here. Dolph manages to get the freaking Sleeper on top of the ladder! He fights out and gets a big shot to put Dolph down a bit.

TEST OF STRENGTH on top of the ladder but Kofi shoves Dolph off. Swagger goes up now as this is awesome stuff with incredible balance. Both guys pull down the title….and Ziggler grabs it off the mat to retain. The fans boo the heck out of it but Striker points out you have to have possession of it which while a stretch does actually make logical sense. If nothing else we got to hear Lawler say “he’s clutching it to his bosom.”

Rating: B. This was more of an intellectual ladder match which is something you don’t see. They brought out some leverage and thinking spots which work far better than the usual high spots which we’ll get later on with Morrison. This was much better than I was expecting and sets a very good pace for the show.

Barrett addresses Nexus and we have a tag title match tonight apparently. Cena is a cancer, Nexus is united tonight, you know the drill I’m sure.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Laycool

Quick recap video which is of the table on Friday which didn’t work. No tagging here thank goodness. The pink table with the painting from Friday is brought in as Laycool is down early. Crowd is QUIET here. Lawler says he’s never seen a Diva go through a table. That’s just amusing. Double fireman’s carry by Beth is very impressive. Striker makes an important point: any method of going through the table counts. Also it’s only one Diva required for a win.

Laycool in control now as the fans do not care at all. Beth is on the floor now as Laycool takes over. SICK landing by Beth as her foot gets hooked on a rope and she lands straight on her back/head. That was painful as all goodness, it had to be. Michelle sets for a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) through a table on Nattie but Beth comes back for the save.

Not table for Michelle (“JUST WAIT UNTIL MARK HEARS ABOUT THIS!!!”) as Layla rakes Beth’s eyes. Layla beats on Beth for awhile but can’t suplex her through it. Double gorilla press by the blondes to Layla until Michelle kicks both in the ribs. Beth may have fallen out for a bit. HOLY CRAP!!! Natalya puts Layla on top of Michelle and puts them BOTH in a Sharpshooter at the same time. TAKE THAT BRET!!!

The nice chicks set up the tables but Michelle sends Beth to the floor to make it 2-1 again. They set for a double superplex but Beth saves again. A lot of near finishes in this one indeed. Down goes Beth so they set for it again but they’re shoved off. The table DID NOT BREAK so Natalya is like screw it and splashes them through it to end this.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as bad as you would have thought as Laycool fought them off far better than people would have predicted. It was a good match even but did anyone ever think Laycool had a realistic shot out there? Not a bad match or anything but at the same time it didn’t really get me into the match and it kind of dragged. Still fun though and that Sharpshooter was GREAT.

Ad for WWE Week which is cool indeed.

Kane talks about his childhood sucking but this year he gets toys: tables, ladders and chairs. He beats the tar out of a bunch of Christmas decorations while shouting MERRY CHRISTMAS. Oddly good actually.

Tag Titles: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel

Santino does his usual funny stuff about how awesome he and Kozlov are. McGillicutty and Harris are with the guys in yellow. Santino vs. the homeless South African guy to start as this is a standard match. Surprisingly this is a pretty solid technical showdown to start. Off to the Wendy’s chick/man now with a hot crowd doing a Santino chant. The Cobra is the TLC tonight: Totally Lethal Cobra.

Now the fans like Kozlov. Harris clips him and the evildoers have won the day! Ok so they’re just in control but it sounds more triumphant the other way. Big Wendy’s chant now as we’re still being funny and not getting into TNA territory. Vlad gets beaten down for awhile until he uses his head to get Santino in. Santino raises the roof and cleans a few rooms. Cobra is set up but McGillicutty runs in for the LAME DQ.

Rating: D+. Nothing here at all and Santino is the guy getting hot tags now? Just a quick match but apparently they’re setting up the post match thing which is coming here. Nothing that couldn’t have been done on Raw here, but at least Nexus got their rematch out of the way now.

Nexus beats the champions down with Barrett coming down and killing Santino and Kozlov with a chair which makes sense.

Don’t try this at home. Try it in a place that I haven’t made a joke about a dozen times already.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison

Oh yes. These two have that weird chemistry that guys like Warrior and Rude did: you can’t explain it but it’s definitely there. Lawler will not shut up about Cole costing him the title still. They actually hit the mat almost immediately which is odd indeed. We hit the floor and Sheamus sets up a ladder early. Winner is #1 contender if I forgot to mention that.

Morrison slides under the ladder that is set up between the announce table and the apron. He teases Sheamus to get him to also but the big white dude can’t do it and gets kicked in the head. A fan calls Sheamus Casper which cracks me up. Morrison jumps over part of the crowd to hit a forearm, which is a former AJ move. Into the ring and they fight over a ladder which results in Morrison diving over a ladder to take down Sheamus.

Morrison goes up but isn’t in the right position and down he comes. He gets hung upside down with his leg getting caught and he’s stuck hanging upside down. Sheamus’ solution: shove him forward which could hurt his knee and head as well. Sheamus works the knee as a smart Irishman. The fans seem to be divided here but not equally. I think they’re for Morrison but I’m not sure.

Cole tries to make this tank vs. fighter jet which is a cool analogy. Morrison is somehow able to stand after a beating like that one. That’s quite impressive. After a slam onto a ladder where Morrison’s knee gets caught, Sheamus heads up. He naturally takes too long and here comes Johnny Boy. Sheamus charges at him with a ladder but Morrison gets a drop toehold to send the King’s face into the ladder.

BIG kick puts Sheamus down and we’re getting good now. Irish Curse takes down Morrison again though and he hits the floor. Both guys have ladders so they slug it out with the ladders and Sheamus gets his hand hurt. Morrison’s next step? CHUCK THE LADDER AT SHEAMUS’ HEAD!!! Why mess with the basics I guess. Atomic drop onto the ladder makes Jerry squeak in a loud voice.

Instead of climbing immediately John throws a ladder over the top to crush Sheamus all over again. Hand on the contract but a Brogue Kick to the knee/ladder brings Morrison down to the floor. Sheamus goes up but the contract is flying all over the place. Here comes Morrison but the both go down again. Headscissors sends Sheamus to the floor and here goes Morrison again. ALMOST but Sheamus shoves the ladder down for the save. Sweet stuff so far.

Sheamus backdrops Morrison over the top where he crashes to the floor but luckily he didn’t land on the ladder which is still bridged from the beginning of the match. They fight on the same ladder with their backs to the bridged one. Both guys fall backwards, Morrison to the floor and Sheamus THROUGH THE LADDER. That spot never gets old, period. Morrison is all alone in the ring, other than a ladder that is, but here comes Sheamus somehow! Cole asks if he’s the Terminator and I might believe it. Morrison KICKS HIM IN THE FACE and is the #1 contender, more or less sealing Miz retaining later on.

Rating: A. That’s probably a bit overrated but DANG this was good stuff. The se two have MAD chemistry together and every single one of their matches have been awesome. The announcers say this is Morrison’s best match ever, and I can’t really argue against it. Morrison vs. Miz is going to be sweet stuff at the Rumble indeed. Great match.

Miz says that he’s the new face of the company. Everyone has said he can’t do it and he’s proven everyone wrong. Indeed he has.

Barrett won’t talk to Grisham as it’s powwow time. Nexus is LAID OUT with chairs everywhere and only Harris, who was with Barrett, left standing. I smell a setup.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Randy Orton

Orton is power walking down to the ring. This is a tables match remember. We get a quick recap video of Miz cashing in which while semi-predictable was still great stuff. Big match intros are always sweet. Orton pounds him down early and we’re off. Miz is in gold trunks, just like Sheamus was. Orton misses a charge and eats buckle as Miz takes over. We get into the Superstar of the Year argument again which goes nowhere.

Orton hits the floor and grabs a table from under the ring as I guess the seven or eight in the aisle aren’t good enough for them. Riley moves the table to save his boss/friend/teacher/dom to his sub. Orton gets his sweet dropkick. Miz gets in a cheap shot and here comes Miz, setting up a table. Orton is sent into the steps and it’s table time all over again.

Miz’s table breaks/falls apart though. Clearly not an awesome table. Miz goes up but Orton rolls off the table which was stupid because he could have won if he hadn’t moved early. Table #3 pulled out by Miz. Even the Artists Formerly Known as the Dudleys say REALLY to that many being brought out by one guy. Running clothesline in the corner has Orton in trouble.

Angle Slam by Orton and he puts Miz on the top. Superplex off the top but Riley again moved the table. There’s the snap powerslam and the elevated DDT. Riley moves the table again so Orton puts him down for fun. Table set up in the middle of the ring and we have an RKO chant. Backbreaker keeps Miz down. Orton sets for the RKO but Riley comes in AGAIN.

Skull Crushing Finale is blocked and we lose a referee. Powerbomb to Riley through the table but there’s the Skull Crushing Finale to Orton. I think I know what’s coming. Yep, Miz moves Riley off the broken table and puts Randy on it. The referee wakes up and Miz retains the title! AWESOME!

Ok wait maybe not as the referee sees the video and we’re on again! Orton hammers away and boy is he ticked off. And never mind as Riley shoves Orton off the apron and through the table to tapdance on the pieces of the broken hearts of the fans while the magic fairies of instant replay were repairing them. AWESOME AGAIN!

Rating: B-. I loved the ending here as it played into the whole Miz defies the odds thing. They also covered that this is fair. It’s probably a bit too highly rated but I had a lot of fun in this one. Also the right guy won as Orton goes back a bit now so we don’t have to deal with him for awhile. I liked it a lot as this whole show has been awesome.

Royal Rumble ad which is about how one person is going on while 29 aren’t. Other than the other guy getting a title match that is.

Off to Alberto and some hot chick in the back near his car. Edge is standing in it and bouncing up and down. He offers an alliance between the three of them to take out Kane. Alberto thinks about it but Edge says no not really as that never works.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio

You win by gaining custody of the title. Dang it Rey has the advantage now since he had a custody ladder match before! Rey is dressed….like Gene Simmons of KISS? Really? Entrances take a very long time here. Kane goes straight for Edge as the expected pairings go off together. Striker goes through everyone’s experience in four ways or TLC matches to waste some time.

Alberto shoves Rey off a ladder as Rey jumps onto Kane and Edge, taking them both out with ease. Rey hits a Seated Senton onto the ladder onto Alberto which was cool. The problem with these matches becomes apparent very early as we know the match isn’t ending this early. Chokeslam is countered into an Edgecution by Edge to put the champion down.

Baseball slide to the ladder puts Kane down again, ticking off Cole since it knocked down his Slammies. Alberto and Mysterio kind of disappeared and we have the original title match now. Ah there’s Alberto with all four guys on the floor. Kane rips the legs of a table off which is rather impressive strength. Edge is in the crowd now and not by his own choice.

For some reason he jumps off the barricade to break up a double chokeslam on both Spanish speakers. Everyone but Del Rio combines to put Kane through a table, leaving only Rey to climb the ladder. Running enziguri in the corner has Rey down so Alberto speaks some Spanish. For no apparent reason Del Rio pauses to go get a chair which doesn’t work. Spears for both Del Rio and Rey and Edge climbs up.

Kane is back though and Edge’s balls get a bit too acquainted with the top rope as a result. Out to the floor (again) with Kane killing everyone (Katie Vick anyone?) with a chair. Everyone but Rey is on the stage where Edge spears the champion down. Rey climbs up onto the tables that hang from the ceiling to take down Kane with another seated senton. Everyone else is down so Rey is like screw it and hits the ring but is too small to get the big ladder up, allowing Del Rio to stop him again.

619 for both Edge and Del Rio but Edge stops his with a chair shot. Two ladders go up, one of which Edge couldn’t reach the title from the very top of. Edge and Rey go up the huge ladder but crash down in a painful looking drop. Ricardo tries to get Del Rio up before going up the ladder himself. And never mind as Kane is back. Chokeslam to “Eddie Munster (I love Striker)” and one to Alberto as well.

Edge through a table now as Rey gets rid of the ladders and beats on Kane for a bit. Del Rio somehow stops him from getting up the HUGE ladder and there’s the Cross Armbreaker which Rey taps to, not that it means anything. Striker thinks you can’t climb a ladder with a bad arm. Morrison did it earlier with a bad leg but you can’t do it with a bad arm? And people wonder why teachers get so little respect.

Alberto goes up and gets his hands on the belt but Rey saves by shoving the big ladder over, sending Alberto CRASHING through two tables on the floor. Big old sick spot there. Kane saves again and a Tombstone flattens Rey one more time. The top of Kane’s head is cut a bit. Kane goes up but Edge pops him a few times with a chair. I think our announcers are out. Edge spears Kane off the apron and there he goes and there’s World Title #10. Riveting.

Rating: B. Fun match but it was a step behind what I thought it would have been. This is LIGHT YEARS ahead of what Edge vs. Kane would have been though so that’s a perk. There wasn’t a good pick to win this one really as everyone would be pretty boring. Somehow this is the weakest big match so far, which is saying a lot as it was still good stuff. Good match, but nothing legendary.

And here’s Cody Rhodes. Uh why? Rhodes is straight up ROCKING the suit he’s in. He talks about the jowel (not a typo) which is where the jaw meets the chin or something. He runs down Houston for some cheap heat which is perfectly fine. Houston is the fattest city in America apparently. And here comes Santa with the Bellas. It’s Santa Show this time. Jerry: it looks like Santa got bigger this year. Striker: if I was around the Bellas I’d get bigger too.

Show and the Bellas throw out DVDs which apparently are all of Knucklehead. Not a bad thing for free I guess. Cody makes fun of Show in his underwear on the DVD cover. Show shills the DVD and makes fun of Cody. Cody says Show looks like a vanilla Shrek. Show threatens Cody with being in Knucklehead II. Spinebuster to Cody and the suit gets ripped off. Cody has Sunday written on his underwear.

Cena takes out Harris and says see you out there to Barrett, who was next to Harris when he got cracked by a chair. Cena is a ninja!

And here’s CM Punk, apparently taking over for Striker for the main event.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett

This is PPV main event number……five for Barrett in his seven months on the main roster. Not that WWE made a new star or anything. BIG reaction for Cena as this is a chairs match. DUELING CHANTS!!!! Barrett hits the floor and Cena cuts him off as the fight is on. There must be twenty chairs at ringside. Barrett gets the first one so instead of picking up another, Cena slowly backs up and tries to keep fighting.

Both guys in the ring with chairs which last a few seconds as we’re back to the slugout. The idea here is that neither guy can get to the chair which they’re treating as something special here, which I like. They hit the floor with Barrett in control. Barrett gets a chair shot to the back of Cena but it’s in the aisle. Barrett sets up the steps which would be illegal wouldn’t they?

Cena slams him on the stage and goes to the back. He comes back with a rolling chair in a rather funny moment. He puts Barrett in it and wakes him up with some water. Cena gets a running start and throws Barrett down the ramp in the chair into the steps. Awesome spot and kind of funny at the same time. Barrett gets control way too quickly and we’re back in the ring and the English dude has a chair.

He chokes away with it as someone as the announce table can’t stop coughing. In an amazing strength move, Cena has Barrett sitting on the chair on top of him. Cena says screw it and bench presses his way out of it. HOW STRONG IS THIS GUY? Barrett gets a chair up to stop a shoulder block and Cena hits the floor. Cena gets tied up in the ropes and Barrett has a freaking field day on him with the chair.

Cena fights out and hits the Protoplex and the Shuffle but can’t get the FU. Bossman Slam gets two. Chair is wedged in between the top and middle rope. STF is countered with Cena being launched into the wedged chair. Barrett goes up with the chair and dives off (think Foley diving off the apron with one) but gets canvas instead. Top rope Fameasser with the chair but Cena won’t cover.

He sets up about six chairs in a two rows of three facing each other. I think I see an FU coming. Hey what do you know I’m right. In the FREAKING OW MAN spot of the night, the chairs DON”T MOVE and Barrett just stops cold. The pin is academic and for once and for all, the feud is OVER.

Maybe it isn’t as Barrett crawls away and Cena picks up another chair. Let the beatdown begin. They’re up by the stage and Cena gets some kind of a metal pallet thing. Cena looks up at all the chairs hanging from the ceiling and THEY ALL FALL ON BARRETT. Nice job as Barrett is BURIED to end the show and the year. The visual on the replay of a bunch of them just falling straight down is great.

Rating: B. Not a great match or anything, but it certainly worked. I don’t usually do this, but I’m going to include the post match stuff in the rating for this one. That part is the real aspect here, as Cena didn’t beat Wade Barrett. He defeated him. That’s a key difference here. Cena did exactly what he said he’d do: he defeated Nexus. It’s not a great match, but it’s a great ending. That’s what the important thing is here, and it worked like a charm.

Overall Rating: A. This show was fun. That’s the best possible description that I can give it. You have at least one great match with Morrison vs. Sheamus and depending on your tastes another in the TLC match. There wasn’t a single bad match here with the worst certainly being the tag titles, but that was under seven minutes and really not that bad. Also it’s early enough in the show that it doesn’t hurt anything, plus it was a bonus match so it’s not like anyone has anything to be disappointed in either.

The key thing to me though is that for once we got the END of an angle here. That’s the important part of this show to me. Instead of having a show just be the next chapter in a story, it was the final chapter in it and the whole thing is done. It’s a perfect way to close out the year and it worked very well. Excellent show and exactly what it was supposed to be: incredibly violent and fun. No complaints at all.

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Tables Ladders and Chairs 2012
Date: December 16, 2012
Location: Barclays Center, Brooklyn, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is the final stop before we get to the Rumble where Rock can finally get his title shot, meaning we can stop having everything lead up to that instead of having stuff that matters. The main event is a six man tag because Punk is injured. Other than that we’ve got Cena vs. Ziggler for the MITB case and Sheamus vs. Show in a chairs match for the Smackdown Title. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Divas Battle Royal

Layla, Kaitlyn, Alicia Fox, Natalya, Tamina Snuka, Aksana, Rosa Mendes, Cameron, Naomi

The winner gets the title shot presumably later tonight. They’re all in Santa outfits here and Eve is on commentary. Rosa is put out quickly and the Funkadactyls do some splits on I think Alicia. I think Cameron is put out and Aksana lays on the ropes like an idiot. She deserves the elimination she gets. Striker says that there might be a dancing basketball rivalry because Layla and Eve danced for different NBA teams.

Tamina eliminates Layla and Kaitlyn dropkicks Nattie out. We’ve got Kaitlyn, Naomi and Tamina left as Alicia was put out off camera earlier I guess. Naomi actually puts out Tamina and we get a rematch of NXT Season 3. Kaitlyn spears her down but misses a dropkick. Naomi puts her on the apron and Layla adds a slap, allowing Naomi to dropkick Kaitlyn out for the win at 5:26.

Rating: D. Yes, one of the Funkadactyls, the dancers of Brodus Clay who hasn’t been on TV in weeks, is the #1 contender to the Divas Title. Has she ever spoken a word on television or been seen on her own? Wait why am I even trying to figure this out? It’s the freaking Divas division so what difference does it make?

The regular show opens with a twenty six bell salute to those who died in the shooting in Connecticut.

There are ladders EVERYWHERE, including hanging from the rafters over the stage.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara

Tables match where only one member has to go through for a win. The winners get a title shot at some point in the future. Sandow wants to know if there’s anyone lower in life than the Brooklyn hipster. They’re literally the unwashed masses. Cody makes fun of facial hair and we’re ready to go. Thankfully we don’t have tags and Rey sends Cody to the floor very quickly. Sandow is sent out as well and there are stereo dives by the masked men.

Rey and Cara pull out a table and ram both Scholars with it. Rhodes has to save Sandow from being slammed through the table and Rey is sent out to the floor. Mysterio saves Cara from going through the table, allowing Sin to hit the armdrag out of the corner on Rhodes. There’s the Disaster Kick to Cara though and everyone in a mask is down. The Scholars slam Cara into the steps and Rey goes into the barricade. The Mustache gets another chant as the Scholars set up a pair of tables.

After walking around forever, Rey trips up Sandow and hits the seated senton. Cody’s powerbomb is countered into a rana to send him to the floor. Cara takes out Sandow with a springboard cross body and a rana that slips a bit. A corkscrew plancha to the floor takes Damien out again and Rey hits the 619 on Cody. Sandow breaks up the top rope splash through the table though as Cole lists off some Tweets. Cara kicks Sandow in the head and kicks Cody to the apron. After firing off about eight kicks to the head from the apron, Cody knocks Cara off the top rope and through a table for the win at 9:36.

Rating: D+. Not the best opener in the world here as they spent a lot of time walking around looking for a spot to do. The Scholars were the obvious winners here and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t make for the most entertaining match in the world. It was probably a good idea to get this out of the way though.

We get another Joker Shield promo, saying about what you would expect them to say: they’re going to take out Ryback and HELL NO one by one tonight and that’s about it. The main reason they want to beat those three up though: they just don’t like them. How simple yet effective.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth

Cesaro is defending in what should be a layup for him. We start with a clean break in the corner and Truth does his pelvic thrusting. Cesaro throws Truth around before getting rolled up for a few two counts. Antonio works on the ribs as the fans chant for the USA. Off to a modified cobra clutch by the champion which goes on for a good while.

Truth fights up and hits the spinning forearm followed by the ax kick for two. A side kick puts Cesaro down for two more and the fans start a Little Jimmy chant. Cesaro escapes the suplex into a stunner before hitting the European uppercut to the back of the head. Neutralizer (BIG pop for that) retains the title at 6:44.

Rating: C. This was better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much as I was expecting a basic TV level match. Truth is just filling in a spot here and there’s nothing wrong with that, but we’re just waiting for a big time AMERICAN to come in and save the title for the country. Decent enough match here though.

Post match Cesaro says that when the fans boo him, they’re booing themselves.

Some people from Tribute to the Troops don’t have much to say.

Ziggler says Cena is going to try to steal the case from him tonight. Cena already lost his own case earlier this year, so why should Ziggler have to earn it a second time? Ziggler says Cena’s career should be over if John loses tonight.

Here’s 3MB on MizTV to waste some time. Apparently they’re going to finally perform tomorrow night on Raw. Mahal makes fun of the Spanish announce team, telling them to speak AMERICAN. The bullying goes on until Ricardo Rodriguez of all people makes the save. 3MB beats on him too until Del Rio makes the save. Is that a face turn? Miz and Del Rio wind up cleaning house. A six man is proposed to fill in some time later. The fans want Ryder to be Miz and Del Rio’s partner.

Rock will indeed be at the Rumble.

HELL NO fires themselves up and talk about how hard it is to talk to Ryback. Tonight, they’ll feed all of the Shield to him.

Wade Barrett says he’s going to take out Kofi tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi is defending. Barrett takes it into the corner to start and pounds away for two. There’s the bouncing elbow by Kofi for two but Wade clotheslines him out to the floor. Kofi slides back in and hits a suicide dive to take Wade right back out. Back in and momentum shifts again, this time with Barrett kicking Kofi in the ribs.

A backbreaker gets two for Wade and it’s off to a bow and arrow with a knee in Kofi’s back. That doesn’t last long so Wade settles for two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Back to the chinlock for a bit, followed by Kofi fighting up and hitting another clothesline to take Wade down. There’s the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses. The Boss Man Slam is countered into the SOS for two for Kofi.

A spinning full nelson slam gets the same for Barrett but Wade is getting frustrated. I love Wade moveset as he constantly mixes in new things. Kofi’s top rope cross body is rolled through for two, followed by a Boss Man Slam for the same result. In another sudden ending tonight, the Bull Hammer is countered into Trouble in Paradise to retain at 8:19.

Rating: C+. Nice back and forth match here with a surprising ending. This could have been on Smackdown but it wasn’t out of place on PPV. Kofi winning is the surprise though as he would seem to be set up to be fed to Barrett. Odds are there will be a rematch though, because clearly a clean win isn’t enough to warrant the end of a program right?

Punk and Heyman are in a sky box and Punk says the status of his knee is none of their business. Punk talks about how he would have destroyed Ryback tonight and how he’ll be champion for as long as he likes. Oh and he’s not associated with the Shield.

Ryback/HELL NO vs. The Shield

It’s a TLC match but you can win by pin/submission because there’s nothing to hang above the ring. Shield comes through the crowd of course. The brawl starts on the floor of course with Bryan vs. Rollins, Kane vs. Reigns and Ambrose vs. Ryback. Ryback and Ambrose get in the ring and the smart aleck fans just have to chant Goldberg. Shield gets Ryback 3-1 but he shrugs them off. Kane tries to bring in a ladder but Rollins dropkicks it into the monster’s ribs.

Bryan takes a ladder to the face as well but here’s Ryback to beat them all up. Reigns takes Kane down with a chair but Kane makes the save. I think Ryback is busted a bit. Bryan kicks Reigns in the corner and the fans are WAY into Danny boy. Reigns is thrown into a ladder which gets two for Kane. Bryan saves Ryback and the fans want tables. Rollins jumps into a Kane uppercut for two before getting put inside a ladder. Kane beats on the ladder with a chair for a bit but Ambrose takes Kane out with a DDT onto the chair.

Ryback rams Rollins and Ambrose into the corner and there’s another Goldberg chant. The fans still want tables. Ryback blocks a beal into the ladder in the corner and pounds Ambrose and Rollins down again. A splash crushes both of them against the ladder, followed by a suplex from Ryback to put both of them on the ladder. Reigns breaks up the double Shell Shock and it’s another three on one beating. Where did HELL NO go?

Shield loads up the triple powerbomb….and it actually works. Seriously, no save from the champions until a few seconds later. Bryan goes off on everyone but gets caught in the numbers game. Kane finally comes back but gets beaten down as well. Back into the ring and it’s time for the chairs portion of the match. Bryan gets beaten down before being double superplexed off a table on the top. Kane barely makes a save but he gets beaten down by the chair as well.

Ambrose and Rollins try the double superplex on Kane as well but he shoves Rollins to the floor and clotheslines Ambrose down. The side slam puts Reigns down but Dean makes the save. Instead of I think a DDT on Kane though, it’s a chokeslam for Dean through the chair for two. Back to the floor and Reigns spears Kane through the barricade to a BIG reaction. Kane gets buried under a bunch of stuff, but in the chaos, Bryan grabs the NO Lock on Ambrose. He eventually gets it on all three guys but the numbers catch up to him.

Bryan fights back AGAIN with a bunch of kicks but eventually he falls prey to the Blackout (running curb stomp) onto the EDGE OF THE CHAIR from Rollins. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Ryback is up though and house is cleaned. Rollins is thrown onto Ambrose and it’s chair time for Reigns. Ambrose comes back AGAIN but gets speared down. There’s a Meat Hook for Dean followed by Shell Shock for two as Rollins saves. Ryback goes to the floor but gets caught by some chair shots. Ryback charges at Reigns to tackle into whatever is in his path in a cool visual.

The Shield and Ryback are all up by the entrance and Ambrose chairs him in the back to take him down again. They shove a ladder onto Ryback and destroy him with some chair shots and put him on a table. There’s a HUGE, as in bigger than the usual HUGE ladders, and Rollins climbs up. Ryback fights up though and Rollins is in trouble. Ryback throws Seth through a big stack of tables, but Ambrose and Reigns are double teaming Bryan in the ring. Reigns superbombs Bryan through the table for the pin at 22:55.

Rating: A. AWESOME brawl here with a great story being told throughout. Ryback gets two do the big spot to look strong and the Shield’s pack mentality worked very well too. Great match here and definitely better than I was expecting. Shield looked like they could more than hang in there, and that was the main thing they had to worry about. Great stuff.

Carnage is removed for a bit. Rollins took a NASTY bump into the table on that fall, slamming his head onto the edge.

Divas Title: Naomi vs. Eve Torres

Naomi does her flashy stuff to start and Eve hides on the floor. The reaction to taking the champ out? DANCE TIME! Naomi fakes her out a lot, botches a jump to the top, and misses a spinning cross body. Eve’s neckbreaker ends this at 3:08.

Rating: D. Eve is hot and Naomi can shake her hips so I can’t call this a failure. The division is such a joke anymore and AJ isn’t going to fix anything immediately. They need to get this Kaitlyn title reign over already though because it’s already past the point where it should have happened. Nothing to see but Eve’s legs here as usual.

Eve does her posing thing post match which is pretty awesome.

Big Show says Sheamus has no chance to get the title back tonight.

We recap Sheamus vs. Show. Show won the title at TLC and retained it at Survivor Series, but after the second match, Sheamus hit Show 31 times with a chair. The chairs match stipulation tonight was obvious.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Big Show

Note that with the Raw Champion off the show, this was never once mentioned as a possible replacement main event. This is a chairs match, which means chair shots are legal. Sheamus pounds him down to start and goes for the knee. The first chair is brought in but Sheamus is knocked to the floor. Show superkicks the chair into Sheamus’ face and there’s the LOUD chop. Sheamus comes back with the shoulder off the apron and we head inside again.

Show pounds him down again but Sheamus slams him down for two. Why is it a surprise that he kicked out of that? It’s just a slam. A top rope chair shot puts Show down but a second attempt is countered with a spear out of the air to take him down. Back in and Sheamus pounds away but charges into a chokeslam for two. Show goes under the ring and pulls out a bunch of chairs.

A Vader Bomb onto a chair onto Sheamus gets two so Show loads up two chairs in the middle of the ring. Sheamus fights back and hits White Noise onto both chairs but it only gets two. Sheamus gets all fired up but the Brogue Kick hits the rope instead. The WMD lays Sheamus out but it only gets two. In a pretty dumb ending, Show pulls out a GIANT chair and clocks Sheamus in the head with it to retain at 14:40.

Rating: B-. Good match here but it was several steps below what they’ve done before. I really didn’t know who was winning here and with Show winning, I doubt we’re going to have a cash in tonight, which is probably the right call. Decent but not great match here, which surprisingly enough is a downgrade for this feud. Hopefully this is the end for these two here.

AJ comes up to Cena in a cutoff Cena shirt. Good look on her. Basically he says she can thank him after he wins.

3MB vs. Alberto Del Rio/The Miz/Brooklyn Brawler

You know what? Why not? He’s in a Brooklyn Nets jersey as apparently he’s abandoned the Yankees (Bronx, not Brooklyn) shirt. Ignore those RYDER chants of course. Del Rio and Slater start things off with Alberto in control. Off to Brawler who beats up Mahal a bit before getting punched down by Heath. Brawler avoids a middle rope knee drop as we hear about 3MB having their tattoos messed up. Not hot tag brings in Miz who gets two on Jinder off a DDT. Del Rio drives Drew into the remnants of the announce table. The Finale takes down Mahal and the Brawler gets the win off a Boston Crab at 3:37.

Rating: D. It should have been Ryder. Seriously, what else do you want me to say here?

We recap Ziggler vs. Cena, which is more about AJ and Vickie than anything else. Eventually Dolph and Cena got dragged into it and Ziggy’s MITB case was put up for grabs in a ladder match.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena

Ladder match for the case here. Cena runs him over with a shoulder to start and they stare at each other for a bit. The fans are almost universally behind Dolph here. Cena takes him down with a headlock, probably for the first time in the history of ladder matches. He works on Dolph’s arm and hits a fisherman’s suplex. There’s a monkey flip out of the corner and Ziggler is sent to the floor.

Ziggler gets a chair to take Cena down and wedges it between the top and middle rope. We get the first ladder brought in but Cena rams it into Dolph’s face. Cena might be cut over the eye. The dueling Cena chants begin as he crushes Ziggler’s head with the steps. It’s table time but Dolph knocks Cena down and goes for a climb. They slug it out and it’s boo/yay time. Dolph hooks the sleeper and Cena turns red, but he climbs the ladder anyway with Ziggler on his back.

This of course goes badly and they crash backwards through a table in the ring. In a very cool spot, Ziggler goes up the ladder, so Cena PICKS UP THE LADDER FOR THE AA. Ziggler escapes what would have likely resulted in death and hits the Fameasser to put both guys down. Cena puts on a quick STF but Ziggler escapes the AA and hits the Zig Zag. Ziggler seems to be a big ginger on his leg as he gets another table.

The table is placed in the corner but Cena hits four of the five moves of doom. Dolph counters the AA and hits the jumping DDT to put Cena down again. Ziggler goes for the big ladder but Cena stops him at the top. They slug it out up there with Cena shoving Ziggler off. There’s no one to stop Cena….except himself as Cena does the stupid VERY slow climb, allowing Ziggler to take him down. Ziggler rams the bad eye into the ladder but Cena BUSTS OUT A FREAKING HURRICANRANA to send Ziggy through the table in the corner.

John pounds Ziggler into the corner and puts him on the top rope. Ziggler shoves him away and tries a top rope cross body, but Cena rolls through into the AA. That gets countered too and a chair shot puts Cena down. Ziggler misses a kick and there’s an AA. There’s nothing in the ring at the moment though so here’s Vickie with a chair. Cue AJ to take Guerrero down with the Five Moves of Doom. Well close enough I guess. Cena climbs the ladder and AJ shoves it down, turning heel. Ziggler has no idea what’s going on but AJ goes all happy psycho again. Ziggler retains the case at 23:38.

Rating: B+. I’d like this a lot more if it wasn’t about AJ. At the end of the day, I get that she’s nuts but she’s gotten WAY too much focus and it means this story must continue. I get what they’re going for here, but man alive they’ve run this story into the ground for so long that I don’t care anymore. The match was very good though as the ladders were props in the match, which is what makes the best ladder matches.

Ziggler celebrates a ton to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Once we got by the obvious matches to open the show, this turned into the usual excellent show that TLC is. It’s not so much about the quality of it, but it’s FUN, which is a good idea to end the year with. Things get serious now as the Road to Wrestlemania begins. Very fun show here with a serious match of the year candidate included. Check this one out.

Results

Rhodes Scholars b. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara – Rhodes shoved Cara through a table

Antonio Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer

Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett – Trouble in Paradise

The Shield b. Ryback/HELL NO – Superbomb to Bryan

Eve Torres b. Naomi – Spinning Neckbreaker

Big Show b. Sheamus – Chair to the back

Albeto Del Rio/The Miz/Brooklyn Brawler b. 3MB – Boston Crab to Mahal

Dolph Ziggler b. John Cena – Ziggler pulled down the case

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Tables Ladders and Chairs 2013
Date: December 15, 2013
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re at the final PPV of the year and the main story tonight is of course the TLC title unification match between Orton and Cena to give us one world champion. It didn’t make a ton of sense when they did this in December of 2001 and it doesn’t make the most sense in December of 2013. This could headline Wrestlemania, but I guess they wants a big buyrate for December, so why not shoot everything they have at it and forget the incredible money it could draw four months from now. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler

How was Ziggler world champion six months ago? Fandango puts him down with a shoulder block but walks into a nice dropkick. Ziggler is sent tot he floor and we take an early break. Back with Ziggler breaking out of a chinlock, only to get caught by a dropkick and rollup for two each. Dolph comes back with a quick Fameasser for two, causing Cole to say it’s shades of Billy Gunn, even though Ziggler has done more with that move than Gunn could ever dream of.

Ziggler pounds away in the corner and gets two off a clothesline. The Zig Zag is countered into a falcon’s arrow for two but he gets crotched going up top. Summer Rae distracts Ziggler though, allowing Fandango to hit the guillotine legdrop for the pin at 4:22. Too much was spent in the commercial to rate but the match was a glorified dark match with a surprise ending.

The pay per view opens with HHH and Stephanie coming to the arena. Vince was seen on the pre-show but is nowhere in sight here. Stephanie talks about what an important moment this is and acknowledges the crowd by saying YES, this is a huge moment. HHH says the World Championship dates back to Lou Thesz as champion (not true in the short version of a long story) and talks about how big tonight is.

The opening video talks about how the wrestling industry is defined by the champion and the future path of wrestling will be determined tonight. There will be only one if that wasn’t made clear.

Cole confirms that the winner will be the WWE World Heavyweight Champion which is the easiest layup possible.

CM Punk vs. Shield

Ambrose starts things up for Shield and feels Punk out a little bit. Punk wisely runs instead of being dragged into the Shield corner and shouts that he’s beaten Dean twice already so give someone else a shot. It’s off to Rollins so Punk bails to the floor to play some head games. Rollins chases him back into the ring and gets caught by some shoulders in the corner followed by three straight neckbreakers for two.

Seth fights up and brings in Reigns to throw Punk into the Shield corner. Rollins and Reigns make a wish on Punk’s legs before Seth hits a neckbreaker of his own. Back to Ambrose for some rib stomps before it’s off to Reigns for a hard clothesline. Shield is taking their time here instead of their usual fast tagging. Punk is thrown to the floor but still has enough in him to avoid Reigns’ spear over the announce table. Roman looks to have injured his eye when he went over the table.

Reigns is dazed but makes it back inside where Punk goes after his eyes. He rakes and punches away at it but Roman sends him outside again to get a breather. It’s off to Rollins as a doctor looks at Roman’s eye. A knee to Punk’s head is good for two but he shoves Rollins into Ambrose, knocking Dean to the floor. The high kick gets two on Seth and Punk speeds things up with ax handles to the face.

A great looking running knee in the corner sets up a high cross body for two and the Anaconda Vice is on. Ambrose makes a diving save and comes in off the tag. Dean loads up a superplex but gets headbutted down, setting up the Macho Elbow. The cover is delayed as Punk had to take out Rollins and Dean kicks out at two. Rollins charges in but gets caught in the GTS. Punk goes after Ambrose, only to sidestep a charging Reigns who spears Ambrose down by mistake. Punk sends him to the floor and gets the upset pin on Ambrose at 13:10.

Rating: C+. To clarify, Punk just beat the unbeatable Shield by pin with no outside interference. Let me guess: this is great, whereas if say Cena did this, it would be him playing Superman again. The match was fine but more storytelling than anything else. It should be interesting to see where Punk goes now, as he’s due for a return to the title picture after some time away.

AJ tells Renee that there’s only one Diva that matters around here. She isn’t on some silly reality show like Natalya and is going to be the one laughing after tonight. AJ is also counting days as champion now.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Natalya is challenging. AJ takes her down to start with a headscissors before Natalya reverses into an armbar. A low dropkick has Natalya in trouble so she heads outside, only to be distracted by Tamina, allowing AJ to send her face first into the apron. Off to a chinlock by AJ followed by a spinwheel kick to the jaw. Natalya comes back and sends AJ into the corner, only to get caught in a nice guillotine choke.

The blonde powers out and hits a basement dropkick to the face followed by some clotheslines. Some suplexes set up the Sharpshooter and Natalya brings her back to the middle of the ring, only to have AJ kick free. The Black Widow goes on but Natalya rolls out, breaking it for the first time. A clothesline puts AJ down again but another Sharpshooter attempt is countered into a small package for the pin at 6:42.

Rating: C. There were some nice false finishes in there but I’m over Natalya challenging for the title. AJ has completely cleaned out the division except for Tamina, setting up the showdown whenever they go that way. I’m sure we’ll hear about AJ vs. Total Divas again though, because just beating them about five PPVs in a row isn’t enough proof of who is better.

The announcers play up that AJ pulled hair to get the small package.

We get a video package on the world titles that we’ve seen on Raw and Smackdown with Flair and Rhodes and others talking about what winning the title means.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. Langston vs. Damien Sandow

Before the match, Sandow tells the Texas crowd some assorted phrases that are worthless: y’all, ye if followed by haw, and Big E. Langston: Intercontinental Champion. Nice touch. Langston throws the challenger into the corner to start and hits a corner splash to keep Damien in trouble. They head outside with Langston in trouble, only to miss a charge into the post to change momentum.

Back in and Damien pounds away at Big E.’s head before putting on a chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two for Sandow and we’re back to the chinlock again. Langston powers out of the hold and drops Damien with an electric chair. A belly to belly sets up the Warrior Splash for two but the Big Ending is countered into an Edge-O-Matic for two by Sandow. Another Big Ending attempt is countered into a small package for two but Langston is done messing around. He runs Sandow over with ease and the Big Ending is enough to retain the title at 6:25.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing you wouldn’t see on Smackdown. These two did virtually the same match with the same story earlier this year for Langston’s NXT Title so there was some practice coming in. Langston has a bright future and a title defense on PPV isn’t going to hurt him at all.

Vince is in the back and shakes Orton’s hand. They appeared to be talking but there was no sound.

We recap Kofi attacking Miz on the pre-show, setting up a No DQ match later tonight.

Tag Titles: Real Americans vs. Big Show/Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Rhodes and Goldust are defending and this is elimination rules. Ryback and Axel have both beaten the champions in the last few weeks while Big Show and Mysterio have teamed together I believe once. Ryback shoves Rhodes around to start but gets caught in a half crab, allowing Goldust to come in with an elbow to the back of Ryback’s head. Off to Axel for a nice dropkick, only to get caught in a wristlock.

Axel fights up but Goldust makes a tag off to Big Show who keeps up the arm work. There’s the skin ripping chop and the fans want it one more time. Show does it a third time and Axel sells it like he got shot. Mysterio comes in for some forearms but Axel sends him into the corner. Ryback gets the tag and pounds Mysterio down, only to bring Axel back in for something resembling stereo cross bodies to put both guys down.

Double tags bring in Ryback and Goldust with the champion scoring off the uppercut and a spinebuster. Ryback loads up a powerbomb but gets rolled up for the pin by Goldust, getting us down to three teams at 6:12. Cesaro comes in to pummel Goldust in the corner before it’s off to Swagger for a front facelock. The fans start chanting WE THE PEOPLE as Goldust is sent to the floor for a clothesline from Swagger.

Back inside and Cesaro gets two off the gutwrench suplex and we hit the chinlock. Off to Jack again for a bearhug as Big Show plays cheerleader for Goldust. Goldie fights back with right hands and a springboard elbow to the jaw. Cesaro easily takes him down and we get a short version Cesaro Swing. A Swagger belly to belly suplex puts Goldust down again and we get the Vader Bomb/double stomp sequence from the Real Americans for another two.

Antonio puts on another chinlock but this time Goldust escapes with a jawbreaker. Cesaro can’t break up the tag but Swagger runs around the ring and pulls Cody off the apron. Cody is holding his knee as Big Show throws Swagger into the barricade and Goldust catches Cesaro with a hurricanrana. A powerslam puts Cesaro down again and the hot tag brings in Big Show. Cesaro is thrown all over the ring and a shoulder block turns him inside out. Both Americans get punched in the jaw and Big Show pins Cesaro for the elimination at 14:42.

So we’re down to the two good guy teams but Big Show waits for the champions to get on their feet. A hard shoulder block puts Goldust on the floor and Cody gives him a somewhat angry pep talk. Goldust comes back in for a top rope cross body with Big Show waiting on the impact for about eight seconds. The chokeslam is countered into a DDT for two and it’s off to Cody for a double suplex on Big Show for two. The fans are rapidly losing interest.

Big Show swats a Disaster Kick out of the air and it’s off to Mysterio (remember him?) for a springboard seated senton to Cody. Now the Disaster Kick connects for two on Mysterio and Cody is getting frustrated. Cross Rhodes is countered into the 619 to both champions. Goldust is sent into the barricade by Big Show but Cody sends the giant into the post.

Cody tries a springboard dropkick but gets caught in a powerbomb by Rey (how often do you hear that?) for two. Cross Rhodes are countered again but the 619 is countered into an Alabama Slam which is countered into a sunset flip for a VERY close two. The third attempt at Cross Rhodes FINALLY connects for the pin to retain the titles at 21:06.

Rating: A-. This dragged a bit in the middle but man alive that ending was great. Cody and Goldust are just awesome right now and I’m so glad they didn’t give the titles to another thrown together team. I have no idea why the Usos weren’t in there somehow other than putting in two bigger names. Really good match here though.

A bunch of people play with Brawling Buddies in a head throbbing segment. The payoff is Kane scaring everyone off and having the Brodus Clay Buddy beat up the Cena Buddy. Cole: “…..Yep.”

Brodus Clay vs. R-Truth

Bonus match due to Brodus going nuts on Truth’s buddy Xavier Woods on Raw. Truth takes him into the corner to start and scores with a dropkick, sending Brodus to the floor. A nice dive takes Brodus out again but he comes right back with a Banzai Drop for no cover. He finally drags Truth back into the middle for two before throwing him corner to corner again.

A running splash in the corner crushes Truth but he still won’t go for the pin. They head outside with Tensai yelling at Clay to go for the win but instead Brodus puts Truth in the Tree of Woe. Tensai gets up on the apron for a shouting match before walking out. The Funkadactyls walk out as well and Truth hits a side kick into a rollup for the pin at 6:06.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match which is acceptable if they actually do something with Clay. The guy has a chance to be something interesting if he’s pushed properly, but given how they’ve pushed him twice before I can’t imagine it actually working. Good heel turn though.

Vince wishes Cena luck.

Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

No DQ and set up by Miz attacking Kofi a few times recently in addition to the pre-show stuff earlier. Kofi goes nuts on Miz with right hands to start with Miz being sent to the floor. A Kofi dive is blocked by a right hand but Kingston drives him into the barricade. Miz is shoved up against the post but Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise hits the post, badly injuring his ankle in the process. Miz DDT’s the leg onto the floor and gets two back inside.

Kofi is in trouble but gets two off a quick rollup for a breather. Lawler talks about telegrams for some reason as Miz goes after the bad leg for some storytelling. Miz’s cannonball down onto the leg is countered with a kick to send him to the floor, only to have Kofi miss a dive, sending him into the barricade. Back in again and Miz unhooks a turnbuckle pad, setting up something big. The Skull Crushing Finale into the pad is countered into a rollup for two as we get a breather. Miz goes up but dives into a dropkick as a boring chant starts up. Back up and Kofi quickly sends Miz into the buckle to set up Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 8:03.

Rating: D+. This was longer than it needed to be and the ending didn’t do much for either guy. The leg stuff didn’t go anywhere at all which is one of the things that drives me crazy in matches. This feud isn’t going anywhere for either guy but they’re still feuding for no apparent reason.

Tribute to the Troops ad.

We recap Bryan vs. the Wyatts with Bray wanting Daniel to join the Family but getting kneed in the face instead.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wyatt Family

Bray of course sits in the rocking chair to start. Rowan gets us going for the team and takes Bryan’s head off with an elbow to the jaw. Daniel gets caught in the corner and it’s off to Harper for a lot of yeah yeah yeah. Bryan comes back with the surfboard knee stomps and some kicks but a shot to the ribs gives Luke control. Back to Rowan for some shots to the gut and a bearhug to slow the match down.

Harper slams Daniel down and Bray stands up. Wyatt himself comes in and shouts that he could have helped Daniel before splashing him in the corner. Bray goes nuts on Bryan before stopping for that evil look of his. A suplex/toss sends Daniel flying and Bray does the incredibly creepy Exorcist spider walk over to the corner for a tag to Harper. Fans: “THAT WAS CREEPY!”

Luke puts on a chinlock before Rowan throws Daniel back into the corner. A big boot from Harper puts Bryan down and it’s back to Bray who shouts about the fans. He offers Daniel his hand but Daniel kicks it away and pounds on Wyatt’s jaw. Bray will have none of that though and runs Daniel over before bringing Harper back in. Back up and Bryan avoids a charging Bray to send him into Rowan before avoiding a running big boot from Harper.

Daniel busts out an awesome belly to back superplex on Luke for two before firing off the kicks. The big one to the head sets up the swan dive but Daniel has to fire off the kicks to Rowan, tying him up in the ropes. A tag brings in Bray who gets rolled up for two but Wyatt runs him over again. Bryan is whipped into the ropes but he scores with the FLYING GOAT to Harper. Back in the missile dropkick drops Bray but he counters the YES Lock and pummels Bryan down. Sister Abigail ends Bryan at 12:25.

Rating: B-. I was digging this a lot by the end with Bryan giving it everything he had. The most interesting thing here though was Wyatt. He’s the kind of guy who you just have to watch when he’s on screen, which is a rare thing to find anymore. In a word, he’s mesmerizing. As for the result, there’s no way you can put both singles guys over in the handicap matches and it doesn’t hurt Bryan to lose here at all.

The expert panel (Booker and Foley) talk a bit.

We recap Orton vs. Cena which has been covered already. It’s to determine who is champion of champions and we get the video package of their parallel histories from Smackdown.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Randy Orton vs. John Cena

TLC match, winner take all. They have a ton of time to used for this too. Naturally we get big match intros and we’re ready to go. They head into the corner to start and Cena grabs a headlock. The wrestling gets boring though and we get our first ladder and table with the wooden one being set up in the corner. Orton escapes an AA through the table and heads to the floor for a chair. Cena can’t avoid the shot to the back and Randy is in control.

They head outside again but Orton misses a chair shot and hits the post, allowing Cena to pick up the chair. A series of chair shots puts Orton down and John loads up another table on the floor. The distraction lets Orton send him into the steps to take over again as the dueling Cena chants begin. Orton tries to climb but Cena makes a fast save. The ladder is thrown to the floor and Orton headbutts him down. Some kicks to the ribs have Cena in trouble but he comes back with knees and right hands, only to walk into the powerslam.

Randy brings in another ladder but gets it rammed into his ribs, allowing Cena to climb. Orton quickly suplexes him down but misses a ladder shot, sending the ladder to the floor. That’s fine with Orton though as he cracks Cena in the back with a chair before wedging it into the corner. Cena blocks the shot into the chair and comes back with his finishing sequence, only to have Orton poke him in the eye and send him into the chair. Another ladder is brought in but Cena makes yet another save.

They both fight on the ladder until Cena throws Orton over the top and through the table. He can’t climb that fast though and Orton pulls him down for an RKO. Both guys are down again but it’s Cena up first with a clothesline to send him to the floor. Cena blasts Orton in the head with the steps and Randy might be busted a little bit. John brings in another table, giving us two tables in opposite corners. With all of the metal stuff at ringside, Orton hits Cena in the head with the microphone to take over again.

Orton loads up the announce table but instead clears out a path to Cena. John avoids the Punt though and catches Orton in an AA through the table to put both guys down again. Cena very slowly gets back in and grabs both belts without pulling them down. Instead it’s Orton shoving the ladder away to leave Cena hanging, allowing Orton a free shot with the chair. Cena comes right back with a spear through one of the tables and both guys are down again.

Randy heads outside again and starts peeling back the mats to find some hidden handcuffs. Cena gets tied to the bottom rope and Orton teases him with the key. This didn’t work at Breaking Point but call backs to old matches are usually fun. Cena tries to break the chain as Orton goes to pick up the big ladder for some shots to Cena’s ribs.

Randy goes back inside as Cena beats on the cuffs with a chair to no avail. Cena pulls hard enough to rip the bottom rope off and go up to knock Orton off the ladder but he only has one free arm due to the rope. Orton grabs the rope and uses the power of gravity to pull Cena down, sending him head first into the table which DOESN’T BREAK. That looked bad. Orton goes up again and pulls down both titles for the surprise win at 24:35.

Rating: B. I liked the match and the ropes idea was good, but that ending came out of nowhere. Given how badly Cena’s head went into that table, I wouldn’t be shocked if he had an actual injury. Orton winning makes more sense but I’m kind of shocked it was clean. Well as clean as you can get in a TLC match of course. Good stuff here but the ending leaves a lot of doors open.

Post match here’s the Authority and Vince to congratulate Orton with no drama to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This show was about one match and the match delivered. The handicap matches both worked quite well too and the tag match ROCKED. It wasn’t a classic show or anything but it was much better overall than I expected. The ending sets up a lot of questions about where we’re going, but that makes things all the more interesting. Good show here and a solid ending to the year.

Results

CM Punk b. Shield – Punk pinned Ambrose after a spear from Reigns

AJ Lee b. Natalya – Small package

Big E. Langston b. Damien Sandow – Big Ending

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Real Americans, Big Show/Rey Mysterio and Ryback/Curtis Axel – Cross Rhodes to Mysterio

Kofi Kingston b. The Miz – Trouble in Paradise

Wyatt Family b. Daniel Bryan – Sister Abigail

Randy Orton b. John Cena – Orton pulled down the title belts

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This contains spoilers for the Punk vs. Shield match.Punk just beat Shield by pin, 3-1.

Now when Cena beat two of them and a third by DQ, fans were nearly rioting. Why do I have a feeling this is going to result in the complete opposite?

It’s not completely different.  It was Punk pinning Shield in a handicap match with no help.  It was even harder for Punk as the Cena match in question was an elimination tag.  But hey, Cena sucks and Punk is AMAZING right?

Even if you stretch this holds up.In the 29 Wrestlemanias, there has never been a show where the world, IC/US and tag all changed hands.

And before anyone tries to correct me:

Warrior didn’t lose the IC title at Wrestlemania 6

Pre-Show matches aren’t part of Wrestlemania, meaning they don’t count.

At Cowboys Stadium.  The stadium holds over 100,000 people (if you include standing room) and has it’s own huge video board.  If they play their cards right, they could have a shot at breaking WM 3’s record.

It’ll likely be called San Francisco which makes better business sense.

No Way Out 2008
Date: February 17, 2008
Location: Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 13,306
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

We’ve FINALLY moved past the brand exclusive shows and into the Elimination Chamber years. There are two of them tonight so I’m rather interested in this show. I figured since I hadn’t watched a No Way Out in a month before I put up the 07 show that I might as well just finish the series so it isn’t Mania time before it goes up. Anyway, both of the matches tonight are for the title shots rather than the belts, as Cena is cashing in his Rumble win TONIGHT to get a shot at Orton. Odd but ok. Other than that there’s Edge vs. Rey for the Smackdown Title and that’s about it. Just 6 matches on the card this year. Let’s get to it.

Oh and also, the whole adding in the Chamber popped the buyrate from about 218,000 up to 329,000. In short, IT WORKED.

The opening video talks about how the Road to Wrestlemania has led us here. The theme song is Fake It by Seether which is an awesome song so I like the transitional stuff for once.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo had taken the title from Punk and this is his rematch. We get a quick recap which involved something about a fiesta which I never thought was that great. We hear some of Tazz during this video which we weren’t supposed to hear. We also recap the Gulf of Mexico match which wasn’t much either. Crowd is entirely behind Punk.

Chavo sends him to the floor early and tries to get a countout early. In a cool spot with Punk on his stomach Chavo hits a front flip onto his back for two. Off to a body scissors as Punk is in trouble. Punk comes back and gets a powerslam for two. GTS is countered into a rana and a tornado DDT gets two.

Punk does Eddie’s dance to tick off the crowd a bit. He goes nearly full heel as he hits Three Amigos. Knee and bulldog get two as Chavo gets his foot on the rope. Punk keeps going off on Chavo, beating on him on the floor which gets two as we’re back in the ring now. Punk kicks him in the head and goes to the corner for a top rope rana but is shoved off and the Frog Splash keeps the title on Chavo. Kind of an abrupt ending.

Rating: C+. This was more or less a TV main event but not bad. Chavo getting a clean pin after needing Edge to get the title in the first place is a good thing for him. The ECW Title would start going to monsters soon as Kane would win it at Mania in 8 seconds. Anyway, this wasn’t bad but it was short and too abrupt for my tastes.

We recap Smackdown where Rey messed up Edge’s proposal to Vickie. This was the start of Vickie in a wheelchair. Mike Adamle talks to Rey who says he’s not sorry but it was an accident. Rey has a torn bicep apparently but he’s going to wrestle anyway. Floyd Mayweather pops up and is friends with Rey apparently.

Jericho is getting ready for his Chamber match later.

LOWER THE CHAMBER!

We get a quick highlight reel of Chamber matches over the years.

Great Khali vs. Undertaker vs. MVP vs. Finlay vs. Batista vs. Big Daddy V

Winner gets the Smackdown World Title match at Mania. MVP is US Champion here. In case you’re not familiar with the rules, you start with two in the ring and four in small pods. Every four minutes another person is released. You can be eliminated by pinfall or submission but it has to be in the ring. Last man standing wins. Matt Striker is Big Daddy V’s manager which I had forgotten about.

Finlay’s music is so bad here it’s not even funny. It does not fit at all, but at least he doesn’t have Horny with him here. Apparently it’s Horny vs. Vince tomorrow night. That led to JBL destroying Horny and setting up a surprisingly good hardcore match with Finlay vs. JBL at Mania. We start with Batista vs. Undertaker. I think that’s sufficient enough don’t you?

Taker slams the door shut and it’s on. We have the camera shot of the ring kind of blocked by the cage but it’s nothing you can really ignore. They slug it out early on with Batista surprisingly winning. There’s a camera in the ring which helps a lot but they don’t use it that often. We head out to the cage floor and Batista is in trouble. And never mind as he gets a boot in to send Taker back into the ring.

They slow it down a bit as we’re waiting on the next guy to come in with less than a minute to go. Batista takes over and gets booed LOUDLY. Ok it’s been four minutes and no one has come in yet. Is it five perhaps? More like four and a half apparently as both guys are down. Big Daddy V is in third to loud booing. V destroys both guys for awhile just because he can.

He doesn’t do much aside from choking and chopping. And now we get really stupid as Taker is knocked through the door and hits the floor. Nice job guys. Taker might have tweaked his knee as he fell. V splashes his as he comes back in just to be a jerk. Running splash crushes Batista too. Batista finally wakes up and gets a VERY good spinebuster to V considering the enormous gravitational pull of V’s fat. Taker gets a DDT on the steel and apparently you can get a pin out there as Batista gets rid of V.

Khali is in fourth just after V goes out and the beating continues. I think the fans are chanting USA but it’s not that clear. Taker hammers on Khali but can’t get the chokeslam. Punjabi Plunge gets two so instead of going after the weak Taker, Khali goes after the rested Batista like a stupid man. Vice Grip to Batista has him in trouble. And never mind as he breaks out and hits a spear to put Khali down.

Taker knocks Singh off the cage with a kick and then gets Hell’s Gate to eliminate Khali but he won’t let go. Back to Taker vs. Batista as we just kill time (which has been over five minutes since the next guy came in but whatever) until Finlay comes in. He comes in but Taker kicks him in the face to put him right down. Cole calls the STEEL chain concrete-like as Finlay gets the Celtic Cross for two.

Batista gets a slingshot to send Finlay into the cage. After a brief skirmish between the only two guys with a chance to win this, Finlay takes Deadman to the outside and wortks him over a bit. Finlay manages to send Taker through the BULLETPROOF, yes BULLETPROOF I SAY, glass. We finally get to MVP’s countdown with them not even trying to hide the lack of caring about the clock anymore.

Taker stands in front of MVP’s pod to wait on him and hammers away on him in the pod. Everyone is in now. MVP gets a Drive By to Batista and one to Taker as well, getting two on the taller one. MVP finds a chain from somewhere to choke away on Finlay for a bit. Taker is busted after a shot with the chain. He gets up and stares down MVP. The no selling of punches begins.

MVP tries to hide on the top of a pod but here comes the dude that sleeps with McCool. He grabs MVP by the throat and throws him over his head (called a reverse chokeslam which works as well as anything else) so Finlay can get the pin. Taker misses a top rope elbow to Finlay and all three guys are down. And here’s Horny from under the cage to send in the Irish club that I can’t spell to Finlay.

A shot to the head with it gets two on Batista so Undertaker chokeslams Finlay onto the cage which gets us down to one on one. Batista is busted open too. They do a long slow start and then slug it out. Crowd says yay for Taker so you can tell he’s far more popular. Batista Bomb hits rather soon for two, making the fourth finisher that Taker has kicked out of (Bomb, Plunge, Drive By, Celtic Cross).

Then we get proof that Batista is a very stupid man as he goes for multiple punches on the middle rope. As has happened to EVERYONE THAT HAS DONE THAT TO UNDERTAKER IN THE LAST SEVEN YEARS, the Last Ride hits for a long two. Dude your mentor was HHH. Did you never watch their Wrestlemania match? Taker mounts him and throws bombs. Batista sends him out to the cage but he sets like a powerslam and tries to ram Taker’s head in again. Taker shoves off the cage, drops to his feet from Animal’s shoulders and hooks the Tombstone in the ring to set up Taker vs. Edge at Mania. Sweet, sweet ending.

Rating: C+. The big problem here should be really obvious: there was ZERO chance anyone named Batista or Undertaker wasn’t winning here and everyone knew it. They started the match, the dominated it, and they ended it. That’s fine as they had mad chemistry together and the stuff they did was good, but did we need four extra guys in there and 30 minutes to get us here? It’s ok but it’s one of the weaker Chamber matches for sure.

The Edgeheads (Hawkins and Ryder) tell Edge that Taker is 15-0 at Mania which Edge more or less shakes off. Edge tries to set up a plan for later but Teddy comes in. He bands Hawkins and Ryder from ringside just because he can.

Mania ad with a bad Baywatch parody.

We get a clip of Maria and Ashley at the Playboy mansion as Maria was the Playboy chick this year, which was awesome stuff.

Ric Flair vs. Mr. Kennedy

Career threatening match here as if Flair loses he has to retire. Who why is Jeff Hardy suddenly underwater? Oh that’s just the logo for the show. Creepy much? Flair’s knee is taped and Kennedy struts to start. Apparently Kennedy is the future of the WWE and a win over Flair will define his career. Why would that be the case? If he can’t beat a guy that was over the hill five years ago and 20 years past his prime, what kind of future does he have anyway?

Kennedy works on the knee with a half crab like a smart man. Flair shouts an expletive which is of course censored. Figure Four on the post gets a Bret Hart reference. BIG slap to Flair, who has had no offense at all so far that I can remember. Regular Figure Four goes on from Kennedy but he’s no Jay Lethal so it doesn’t work.

Kennedy can’t manage to break a 60 year old’s legs and the fight is on again. The fireman’s carry rolling slam gets two. JR asks why Kennedy doesn’t get himself disqualified. Maybe because it would mean Flair is still active and it would gain him nothing? Flair hits a chop block and goes after the knee.

Kennedy counters into the anal displaying rollup for two with the ropes but gets caught cheating so it only gets two. Figure Four is countered again into a small package for two. There’s the Figure Four for real and of course a 60 year old man gets in two shots to the knee and a basic hold is enough to beat one of the young hot shots on the roster. Makes perfect sense no?

Rating: D+. This wasn’t very good. It was the epitome of a Raw match and not a very good one at all. Flair hit all of three moves and managed to win clean. I get that he can’t lose, but it looks stupid to see him go over these young guys clean every time. How does that help anyone at all, especially when Flair is leaving in a few weeks? I don’t get it but whatever.

Vince says to Finlay that he’s going to hurt Horny tomorrow.

JBL is worried about the Chamber.

We recap Edge vs. Rey and of course, it’s PERSONAL. We see part of the first match they had at the Rumble where Vickie got out of her wheelchair and took a 619. That set up the apology thing which set up the engagement thing. And of course we get back to the Guerrero name and all that jazz.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Winner gets Undertaker at Mania. And remember Rey has a really bad and legit arm injury. Floyd Mayweather is in the front row. Edge’s theme song is still awesome. Rey keeps dodging to start but hurts his arm on a rana. Rey hits the floor and Edge gets a baseball slide to send Rey’s arm into the floor and then into the steps.

Rey is caught in the Tree of Woe but Edge misses a baseball slide to send Edge’s balls into the post. Sorry Vickie. Moonsault press gets two as Rey can’t hook a leg. Rey gets a 619 out of almost nowhere but Edge beats him to his feet due to the arm. He tries for a springboard something, but Edge spears him out of the air to pin him clean. This didn’t even run six minutes so you can tell Rey was hurt badly.

Rating: C. Yes this was a pretty bad match, but major points to Rey for gutting it out and doing what he could. He was barely able to do anything out there but he tried which is all you can ask for at the end of the day. The arm was the focal point of the match so that makes sense. They’ve had better matches before when both were healthy so it’s almost impossible to blame this on anything but the arm. Bad match, but not their fault at all.

Here’s Big Show for absolutely no apparent reason. He’s a face at this point, but that would get thrown out the window for the next few weeks. Apparently this is a return of some sort. Oh wow this is his return from his hiatus after December to Dismember. He’s lost 108 pounds which is rather impressive and actually looks legit.

And never mind the face part as he hits the floor and grabs Rey by the throat and smacks him in the arm, saying does your arm hurt. He gets in Mayweather’s face a bit but drags Rey back into the ring. Floyd’s team tries to keep him back but since WWE security is TERRIBLE, Mayweather gets in. There’s no commentary here. Show shoves him and gets down on his knees. Mayweather goes right at him and lands three or four bombs, apparently legitimately breaking Show’s nose. Floyd runs and we have our Mania match.

Mania is 42 days away.

Jeff Hardy is getting ready. Check for any flat surface with powder on it.

Adamle is with some fans and can’t remember the company he’s in. We recap Cena vs. Orton which started with Orton hurting Cena (it was actually Kennedy I think but Orton was #1 contender so that sounded better). This set up the EPIC return at the Rumble which no one, I mean NO ONE, saw coming. Cena won, but is cashing in tonight.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton isn’t quite hearing voices yet which is good for me as I like his old music better. There’s the bell and they’re going for the big epic feeling here, which is getting pretty close actually. Cena gets a small package for two almost immediately. Orton gets in a shot to the ribs and the beating is on. Cena’s bulldog out of nowhere gets two.

Orton comes back as neither guy has had anything as far as an extended advantage in the first three minutes or so. Cena keeps going for quick wins with rollups and covers off weaker moves while Orton is trying to slow it down and take away Cena’s momentum. The crowd is split here for the most part. He counters the elevated DDT and gets the top rope Fameasser from the top for a close two.

FU is countered and Orton goes after the knee/ankle. Since that makes no sense he stomps away on the bad shoulder/pectoral area that Cena had hurt and caused him to be put out for awhile. Makes sense. Orton can’t get a knee drop on the pec and we hit the chinlock as is Orton’s custom. Cena gets the Protoplex out of nowhere and with a point to the Mania sign, Orton can’t see him. I have no idea what the connection is but Cena is rocking the serious stare here so don’t question it.

FU can’t hit again though and Orton hits the floor. At 9 and a half they both fly into the ring to prevent the double countout. Back in and Orton catches Cena in the backbreaker, although Orton may have tweaked his knee. Crowd is all over Cena here. A middle rope suplex is shoved off but Cena misses another Fameasser. Orton starts that slithering stuff he tends to do but the RKO is countered and Cena gets the STFU!

Orton gets a rope and heads to the floor, holding his knee. He DEMANDS that the referee count him out but was playing possum. RKO hits on the floor and Cena is legally dead. Somehow he manages to get back in without the help of a yellow sun as Orton is shocked. And there’s a slap to the referee for the DQ to prevent Cena from winning the title which isn’t as bad of an ending as it seems, because now Cena has used his title shot. He lands an FU and the STFU post match but it doesn’t mean much.

Rating: B-. I liked this pretty well although it’s no classic or anything. I like the ending as it fits something that a heel would do to keep the title. Cena is out of a chance at Mania but of course he would fight Orton there anyway, although with HHH thrown in for fun. The fans doing the GOODBYE song is funny stuff as he was absolutely loathed in this match. Decent match and one of the better ones they’ve had actually.

Orton lays in the ring as the fans chant THANK YOU RANDY. This is funny stuff.

HHH is sitting in the back and Shawn comes up. HBK says this isn’t the appropriate time to shill merchandise or crack jokes and apologizes for what he might have to do out there. They say they’ll go through each other if they have to and that seems to be mutually ok.

The Chamber is lowered again and we get the winner of the mobile poll. Hardy, HHH and Shawn have the vast majority of the votes. The other three combine for 10%.

HHH vs. Umaga vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

This should be a bit better don’t you think? The entrances take the better part of forever, especially HHH’s as he comes out first. Umaga is second and is pure filler in this match. I think he had Batista at Mania in a horrible match. Jeff gets a HUGE pop but it would be 9 months before he was in the world title scene again. He’s IC Champion here and would be suspended for a few months soon after this for Wellness.

It’ll be Jericho and Shawn starting us off. They would have their huge feud in about two months. Jericho is still a face here and it’s odd to see him in long tights with short hair. At least Shawn isn’t in the brown tights. Nice to hear Shawn come out to his own music rather than the DX song.

We get a rather technical start as this is far more or a wrestling match than a brawl so far which is a nice thing to see for once. They start slugging it out and Shawn nips up. The top rope elbow hits knees though and the best part about it: the elbow clearly would have hit had the knees not been there. Shawn tries to do the same thing to the Lionsault but Jericho grabs the Walls instead.

He can’t hook the hold though but Shawn can’t hook a Sharpshooter either. Both go for either cross bodies or a shoulder block as the time comes down. It’s Umaga and the beatdown is on. Both pretty boys are in trouble quickly as he takes both down with a clothesline. Shawn and Jericho team up to fight the monster off but he’s like screw it and hits a Samoan Drop on both guys at the same time (think Cena to Edge and Show at Mania).

Umaga kicks Shawn to the outside of the ring and hammers on Jericho for awhile. He goes up for a middle rope splash but can’t crush Jericho and here comes the Texas. In a cool spot Jericho gets the Walls and Shawn hooks the Crossface as JBL comes in at 4. He of course breaks up the Walls and hammers Jericho for awhile which isn’t incredibly smart. Shawn is busted open as JBL pounds down Jericho.

Umaga and Shawn fight in the ring until Shawn is thrown out to the steel again. After maybe two minutes HHH comes in to a somewhat mixed reaction that becomes cheering partway through. He hammers on Umaga, sending his head into Bradshaw’s. Umaga’s head is rammed into one of the metal beams on a pod. HHH goes after Jericho but takes the Clothesline From JBL, again for no apparent reason. For his troubles JBL takes a Codebreaker and is out first.

Before he leaves though JBL grabs a chair and drills everyone with some HARD shots to the head. Here comes Jeff, just in time. Umaga is the only one up as the crack head comes in. Slingshot dropkick to Shawn as Jeff cleans house. DX comes after him but he hits a Whisper in the Wind. Pay no attention to HHH falling backwards before it hits too. Now the Samoan comes back and destroys various people.

Umaga gets a running hip smash to Jericho’s head through the BULLETPROOF glass, which should kill him but since it’s WWE he’s up enough to get a Codebreaker just after Chin Music. A Pedigree is added and after a Swanton is the fourth finisher off a pod, Umaga is FINALLY gone. Shawn hits Jericho with Chin Music and Jeff steals a pin. Pedigree and Twist of Fate take care of Shawn. Those three eliminations happened in less than 45 seconds.

We’re down to HHH vs. Hardy now for the Mania spot. Jeff gets a DDT on the steel but can’t get a cover as his back is hurt from the landing. Jeff goes the heck off on HHH who can barely stand. Jeff counters a Pedigree with a backdrop but can’t get the Swanton. Pedigree hits but gets two as the pop blows the roof off for a few seconds. Twist of Fate on the chair is reversed and a Pedigree onto it ends this, sending HHH to Mania.

Rating: B+. Much better match here with this being a war throughout, especially with four guys combining to take out Umaga. Granted when he or JBL is the worst guy in there rather than Khali or Big Daddy V things can go a bit better. It was also far more violent and while it was pretty clear HHH or Hardy would win, there was a chance Shawn or Jericho could pull it off. That and shaving off five minutes helped too.

Overall Rating: B-. Not a great show but much like TLC was last week, they didn’t try to have a great show but rather a flashy one which worked just as well. It went by far faster than the previous year’s and was definitely an upgrade. They would have another the next year with the titles on the line and it wouldn’t be as good. Anyway this wasn’t bad but it would have been better with one less Chamber match and another match added on instead. Still decent though.

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It’s the closest thing to a major Christmas show I could think of. Also, what better way to almost close out the year than with an absolutely horrible show?

December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a huge celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by screwing up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his body.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant BS at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t BS. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks quite good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the freaking place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get destroyed on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw Vince. This was just dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to screw the audience like this, get over yourself Vince.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit ticked off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who freaking cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the freaking match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is WAY over. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of nonsense, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in THE MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had freaking TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

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In a TLC match.  There’s a catch though.HHH said they’re taking both belts and putting them above the ring.  That leaves two possible outs:

1. He never said the titles were on the line.  It was heavily implied but he never flat out said it.

2. It means one person could pull down one belt and the other pull down the second, keeping two champions.