Judgment Day 2008
Date: May 18, 2008
Location: Qwest Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Attendance: 11,324
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Mick Foley, Mike Adamle, Tazz

 

Didn’t realize this but this is being reviewed three years to the day that this show happened. Always interesting I guess. Anyway I do not remember this show at all even though there are two world title matches of course. For Smackdown it’s Edge vs. Taker for the vacant title and on Raw it’s Orton vs. HHH (yeah I’m shocked too) in a cage. Shawn vs. Jericho also, which is always worth checking out. Let’s get to it.

 

Oh and of course I’ll be doing 2009 next to get done with this series. After that it’s a quick run through the three remaining ONS’s that I have and then it’s time for Armageddon.

 

Opening video is about the title matches and Shawn/Jericho of course. Oh and Cena vs. JBL. The Hell’s Gate submission is banned also. I remember that stupid story that focused way too much on Vickie.

 

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

Well this isn’t what I would have picked for an opener but it’ll get a reaction I guess. JBL claims that Cena cost him the title at Backlash so here you are. Very slow start as neither guy seems like he wants to do much at all. Bradshaw grabs a headlock but Cena goes straight for the STF so JBL bails. Back in and Cena gets sent shoulder first into the post. Jibbles works on the arm and adds a neckbreaker for no cover.

 

Off to a modified key lock as this turns into something resembling a submission match. Cena rolls out of a near cross armbreaker but it doesn’t really hurt JBL so the assault continues. Cena comes up with one arm and hammers away, adding a Throwback to really take JBL down. Top rope Fameasser misses and Cena hits the apron. JBL manages to grab a suplex style move to drop Cena over the top and then out to the floor.

 

This is a painfully boring match if you’re not sure on it. We’re nearly 8 minutes into it and they’ve been moving so freaking slow the entire time. Off to a bearhug by Bradshaw but Cena turns to his side so it’s almost a German suplex position. Off to a bodyscissors with an armbar as I’m really confused here. I mean, IT’S JOHN CENA and they’ve doing a submission/very old school style match. Why in the world do they think this is a good idea?

 

Off to a full nelson which Cena can’t quite break. After we waste some time with that, here comes Cena who breaks the hold but can’t hit the FU. I miss the days when it was called that as AA makes me think of Arn Anderson. Back to the bodyscissors in case the fans started to get into this. I’m legitimately surprised by how this match has gone. Not that it’s a good thing here as I’d definitely prefer your usual Cena match to this.

 

Cena breaks the hold but walks into a big boot and it’s back to the back as JBL drops some elbows. Clothesline, but not the devilish version, puts Cena down for no cover. And never mind as JBL picks him up after that move and Cena reverses another clothesline attempt into the FU for the pin out of absolutely nowhere.

 

Rating: D. This was by far and away the worst Cena match I’ve ever seen on PPV after he made it big. I have no idea what they were doing here as it was closer to a submission match that you would see out of like Bob Backlund and Ivan Koloff or some combination like that rather than two glorified brawlers. Not much here at all and I was really disappointed with them in it.

 

King William Regal, the GM of Raw, isn’t happy.

 

The Dirt Sheet makes fun of Kane and Punk who are challenging Miz and Morrison for the Smackdown tag titles tonight despite both of them being ECW guys and the ECW commentators calling this.

 

Smackdown Tag Titles: John Morrison/The Miz vs. Kane/CM Punk

 

If I remember this right there is zero story to this match at all. Morrison has the same music and nearly the same intro as he does today. It’s so shocking to look at Miz and know what was coming for him in just a few years. Morrison beat Kane on ECW which is about the extent of the build. Punk would go to Raw in the Draft in just over a month. He’s Mr. MITB at the moment also. Oh and Kane is ECW Champion. There was a talent exchange or whatever going on with Smackdown and ECW where they could be on both shows if you’re wondering how this is possible.

 

This actually gets big match intro treatment for no apparent reason. Odd indeed. Punk and Miz start us off and it’s so weird to see these two as midcarders. Off to Kane, who is by far and away the biggest star in this match. Kane beats Morrison up with ease but can’t do the same to Miz. Wow that sounds weird in context. Punk comes in with a slingshot knee drop to Morrison for two.

 

Tarantula version of the Anaconda Vice which is rather awesome goes on. Back off to Kane who massacres Miz a bit more, including the clothesline for no cover. Morrison goes all angry on Kane, hammering away with everything he can to slow baldie down. Miz and Morrison both have a lack of finishing moves for the most part other than Morrison having some weak stuff so there isn’t much of a way that they can put Kane down.

 

Luckily for them it’s off to Punk who beats on Morrison as is his custom. Down goes Miz and a snap powerslam gets two on Morrison. Springboard clothesline gets two on Morrison who is looking awesome with these kickouts. Miz tries to grab Morrison’s leg to slow things down a lot and is chokeslamed on the floor for his efforts. That distraction though lets the Moonlight Drive (neckbreaker) end Punk mostly clean.

 

Rating: C. Not a bad match here at all but it probably should have been a TV main event more than anything else. You could certainly see Miz and Morrison growing up here as they managed to stay away from the pins which was the right thing to do. Having matches with guys like Kane and Punk was what made them get a lot better in a hurry, which is exactly why someone like Kane was on ECW. Fine little match here.

 

Rambo is sponsoring the PPV tonight for no apparent reason.

 

We recap Jericho vs. Shawn. This started at Mania when Shawn retired Flair. Batista then kind of sort of turned heel at least against Shawn, saying that Shawn had no right to retire Flair like he did. This led to a match at Backlash which Jericho refereed for no apparent reason. Actually there probably is one but I don’t remember it and I’m fighting a cold so I have no desire to look it up.

 

Shawn said he’d do whatever it took to win and in the match he escaped a Batista Bomb but hurt his knee. Jericho called shenanigans and gave Shawn an award for best actor. Shawn and Jericho fought Miz/Morrison on Raw and Shawn only managed one superkick which was enough to set up the win. Jericho bought the injury, then Shawn said he was faking. Jericho now doesn’t believe him so Shawn kicked his head off. That brings us here.

 

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

 

Jericho is IC Champion here but it’s non-title. Shawn is closer to heel here which is rather odd to see indeed. Naturally he gets the face pop here. Well the bigger one that is as Jericho certainly gets one of his own. This is one of if not the first of many, many matches these guys had in 2008. Jericho goes after the knee as he still doesn’t buy Shawn saying it was faked.

 

Off to a headlock by Shawn as Jericho goes for the leg again. Shawn grabs an inverted figure four which JR calls a Native American Deathlock. That’s a new one I guess. Jericho gets the rope and it’s a standoff. This is Shawn vs. Jericho with fifteen minutes to work with so I wouldn’t expect a lot of jokes here. We get a card game reference by JR for no apparent reason and it’s off to fighting over an armbar.

 

Shawn gets something like a cross armbreaker over the arm which is pretty cool looking. Jericho looks weird in the full tights and short hair. The trunks were a nice touch for him. Jericho manages to send Shawn into the corner as no one can get an extended advantage at all here. To the corner and Jericho gets knocked off but gets his knees up to block the elbow from the top.

 

Jericho hammers on the ribs as we hit the abdominal stretch. See what psychology does to help you out here? Shawn avoids the bulldog as the momentum shifts again. Jericho might have had control for a minute and a half which is certainly the longest of the entire match so far. Forearm by Shawn but he gets caught in the Walls and the crowd reacts. Both guys head to the apron and Chris gets his head kicked off by Sweet Chin Music and he’s down on the floor.

 

Back in that only gets two and Shawn drops the elbow but his ribs are hurt even worse now. This has been great stuff if that wasn’t clear by the writing about it. Jericho wisely falls down instead of taking the superkick and then does it again. Crowd isn’t sure what to think of that so Shawn gets a bit closer to him and keeps tuning it up. Shawn fires it but Jericho was playing possum just like Shawn did against Batista and drills Shawn with the Codebreaker. NICE!

 

That’s only good enough for two though as the fans are way into this. See what happens when you put two of the best ever in the ring and give them time and a story? YOU GET A GREAT MATCH. Why is that so complicated? Shawn grabs a Crossface out of nowhere and Jericho somehow manages to get the rope. Shawn isn’t enough of a psycho to make that work I guess. Shawn gets draped over the top and we get even more SWEET psychology as Shawn puts his knees up for the Lionsault but Jericho lands on his feet and tries the Walls. Shawn rolls through for the surprise pin though to end it. AWESOME match.

 

Rating: A. Again, two masters with time and a story. What did you really expect to happen here? I don’t think it’s possible for these two to have a bad match and they didn’t come close to one here. This would set of the feud of the year as Jericho would get the world title in about three months and Shawn would chase it all Fall.

 

They shake hands post match and both guys are tentative because of what happened in Seattle back in 2003.

 

Mickie James doesn’t really want to talk about how date with Cena as JBL comes up. JBL bullies Grisham and talks about fighting which goes nowhere at all.

 

Raw Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina vs. Mickie James

 

Mickie is champion. So we’re like an hour and 10 minutes into this show and the Smackdown guys haven’t called a single thing. Gotta love the treatment of the B show. Beth and Melina argued about the title shot and we see why Beth doesn’t talk like ever. Mickie is still all bubbly and hot at this point. Not that she’s not hot now but you get this idea. THIS somehow gets big match intros. Wow indeed.

 

Melina looks extra good tonight. Beth tells Melina to get out of her ring so Melina drills her with a kick. Mickie grabs a victory roll for two on Melina and it’s one on one for awhile. Beth pulls her out and it’s challenger vs. challenger. Yeah I don’t care either but you have three hot chicks out there so how much can I complain?

 

Mickie back in now and we get some nifty triple person spots. James throws on something like a Tazmission on Beth which goes nowhere. Regal Cutter to Melina allows Mickie to go up, only to get….uh…..pussied by Melina. They speed things up a bit and Mickie gets a top rope Thesz Press to Beth followed by a HARD seated dropkick. In your HOLY CRAP spot of the night, Beth puts them both in an over the shoulder body vice for about 12 seconds. Mickie gets the jumping DDT to Melina quickly after that to retain but dude, WHO CARES? I’m still getting over that body vice move which was insanely awesome.

 

Rating: C+. Better Divas match than usual actually as all three chicks were working hard out there and the result was rather good stuff. When Melina is the ugliest chick out there you can’t really go wrong. With an awesome spot like that and a pretty good match other than that, this was one of the better Diva matches I’ve seen in awhile.

 

Batista tells Shawn that if he was faking he’ll hurt him. That would be next month I believe. We’ll get to that one soon.

 

Undertaker dominated a text message poll about who would win.

 

We recap Edge vs. Undertaker. Basically Undertaker used the Hell’s Gate and Vickie banned it. Edge got hurt and since Taker didn’t show remorse, she stripped him of it and there’s a Taker vs. Edge match for the title. There was some over the top rope challenge where you had to win a match to qualify. Batista won but Edge was allowed to come in at the very end and win. This went on for months and people got rather tired of it.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

 

Title is vacant remember. Edge’s pyro doesn’t go off for some reason. Oh there it is. Two entrances should not take five minutes, period. Taker tries to box to start so Edge runs off. Edge tries right hands and gets launched into the corner as Taker takes over. Off to the arm as Taker tries to take out the spear. Old School is countered. When does that ever hit anymore?

 

They fight on the floor for a bit with Edge sending him into the steps and adding a baseball slide to take over. Big boot by Taker misses in the corner which gets two for Edge. Edge works on the knee and they slug it out a bit. Edge hits a big boot to about the shoulder or so for no cover. Old School attempt by Edge gets the same result as Taker’s attempt earlier.

 

They slug it out again which of course Taker wins. Taker chokeslams him into the corner for some reason and a big boot (actually getting face) gets two. Old School #3 hits as I guess that’s high school since we had elementary and middle already. Hawkins and Ryder, the Edgeheads, come out for a distraction as Edge exposes the buckle. Better option really as you don’t want him exposing himself.

 

Spear eats post though and a buckle bomb gets two. Have to give it to Taker for busting out some nice adjustments to his regular moves here. Snake Eyes into the buckle doesn’t work so Edge hammers away in the corner but gets caught in Snake Eyes into the corner anyway. Taker likes that corner I guess. Instead of covering Taker tries to hit the ropes for something but Edge (called the Sly Fox by Cole) hits a weak spear for two.

 

They slug it out (again) with the Canadian actually winning for a bit until he walks into a chokeslam for a very long two. Out to the floor again and we go into the crowd. They slug it out on the floor and only Taker beats the count back in to win the world…..oh of course he doesn’t as here’s Vickie to say excuse me a lot. Taker doesn’t win the title because it’s a countout. They would have another match in the form of TLC next month where Taker had to “retire”.

 

Rating: B. Good match here ruined by a weak ending. Nowhere near as good as their Mania match but it was still pretty solid stuff all around. They work very well together but after all the near falls you want something better than a lame countout ending especially with something close to a Dusty Finish that takes Vickie two minutes to announce. Good match until then though.

 

Taker adds a tombstone to Edge post match because he can and leaves the title in the ring.

 

Orton says he’ll win but says it very slowly. This was another part of their never ending feud that set up Orton and Cena’s never ending feud.

 

Here’s MVP for no apparent reason. He’s upset because he’s not on the card tonight so anyone that wants to fight him can come down right now. Matt Hardy’s music comes on but he’s just the US Champion who beat MVP at Backlash so he’s not the right choice I guess. Instead it’s this guy facing him.

 

Jeff Hardy vs. MVP

 

Far bigger pop for Jeff than Matt which doesn’t mean anything really. Foley isn’t sure who to cheer for because MVP is Smackdown (Jeff is Raw) but he doesn’t want to cheer for a jerk. Jeff sends him to the floor early as we hear about his house burning down which was legit actually. Back in the ring and MVP takes it to the mat. Jeff tries the slingshot dropkick to the floor but gets slammed to the floor instead.

 

Back in and we hit the armbar again as Jeff looks more annoyed than in pain. Hammerlock slam gets two. Jeff fires back but tries a move out of the corner, only for the arm to go out and give MVP the advantage all over again. Drive By boot to the head/arm of Jeff sends him to the floor as this has been almost all MVP at this point.

 

Jeff goes shoulder first into the barricade which gets two back in the ring. MVP is channeling his inner Anderson (Arn, not Mr. you uncultured swine) with all of this arm work. Playmaker can’t hit and Jeff gets a shot in with the left arm so both guys are down. Slingshot dropkick in the corner hits for Jeff but he can’t hit the Swanton. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets a pin. I like that ending I think.

 

Rating: C+. This was a bonus match and wasn’t half bad so I really can’t complain much at all. Jeff would be world champion by the end of the year so this was really just a quick stop for him. Anyway, fine for what it was with both guys having a decent enough match for a bonus match that was there to fill in time.

 

Sylvester Stallone talks about directing Rambo.

 

The cage is lowered.

 

We go to the recap which is introduced by JR who sounds all slurred for some reason. HHH won an elimination match at Backlash to win the title and this is the rematch. Somehow this would go on for like a year with them in the main event of Mania 25.

 

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

 

In a cage as previously mentioned. Again the entrances take a combined five minutes. This also gets big match intros. It doesn’t really have the same ring to it after the Divas got this treatment. Orton goes for the door almost immediately but of course that doesn’t work. Somehow he manages to slam the door on the Game’s head to take over in the early going.

 

Basic stuff to start as both guys hammer on each other with nothing of note happening. Neckbreaker by HHH gets two as do a bunch of right hands. He gets sent into the cage and Orton gets all googly eyed. Into the cage again and Orton kicks away rather hard. This wasn’t from the side though so it won’t put HHH out for months on end. Elevated DDT hits for two.

 

Off to a quick chinlock before Orton hits a powerslam for two. This is Orton’s usual very slow paced match which doesn’t make anything interesting in the slightest. The fans want an RKO despite Orton allegedly being all evil and crazy and all that jazz. Regal is still looking on as sometime around this time it was when he cut Raw off the air early which was rather cool indeed.

 

Orton stomps away to really vary up his offense but a kneedrop misses. Off to the knee goes HHH now as I channel my bad Yoda impersonation. Figure Four goes on for a good while but Orton makes the rope. Even Lawler is like dude, that doesn’t mean anything in this but the referee breaks it anyway. Quick RKO attempt is countered into a Pedigree attempt which is countered by a backdrop by Orton.

 

Randy goes for the door but HHH makes a diving save. Orton somehow finds a chair on the floor and pulls it back in with him. That was done in the cage match with Flair and HHH at Taboo Tuesday also. Facebuster gets two as Orton can’t get a chair shot in yet. HHH gets the chair so Orton hits HHH in the game pieces to bring him back down. DDT on the chair somehow only gets two because after a DDT on a chair, Orton clearly can’t walk through a door right?

 

RKO onto the chair is blocked and it’s a Raven-esque drop toehold onto the chair to buy HHH some time as well as a two count. Orton takes over again and climbs but HHH is like screw that and they fight on the top rope. Down goes Viper boy so HHH climbs. Orton pops up to catch him as he’s on the top and the fight continues. Orton knocks him down and tries to climb over but HHH is like “Dude I’ve only held the title three weeks. Over my dead body” and pulls him back in.

 

HHH channels his inner Punk and tries a Pepsi Plunge (top/middle rope Pedigree) but that would be too big of a spot for him so Orton slams him to the mat. They fight on top some more as they haven’t done that enough in the last five minutes but Orton winds up getting crotched. Spinebuster puts Orton down again and it’s time for a Pedigree on the chair. That gets countered also and it’s time for a Punt. HHH isn’t feeling that though so he ducks, hits a chair shot and then the Pedigree ends this.

 

Rating: B-. Not bad here as they had some close calls and some decent stuff in about 22 minutes. As always they can’t have a classic so this is about as good as it gets for these two. HHH wasn’t a lock to win which helps it out a lot. Cage matches are hard to make believable but they came somewhat close here. Not bad at all for the main event of a b-level show.

 

Overall Rating: B. All things considered, this was rather good. You have a great match with Jericho vs. Shawn and the worst match is the opener, which oddly enough had Cena in it. I still don’t get that one. Anyway, this was a very good show overall which might have had to do with the total lack of anything resembling expectations for it. 2008 was a bad year for WWE as was 2009, which is what’s up next as we wrap up Judgment Day.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Instead it’s going to be…..Del Rio vs. Swagger in a #1 contenders I Quit match.  You can’t mess with those concussions so I have zero issue with this.

At least in North America.  According to Meltzer, it had 750,000 North American buys, putting it slightly ahead of last year’s show.  It also made approximately $5 million more than last year.

 

WWE really is dying with Cena on top though.  No one would EVER pay to see him in the main event of Wrestlemania in a match where it was pretty obvious he was winning the title.

 

I’m rather surprised but also rather pleased with these results so far.

Judgment Day 2007
Date: May 20, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

 

This is during the time where they really didn’t know a lot about what they were doing. Cena is in the middle of his one year title reign and the main event is him vs. Khali who is undefeated at this point. Other than that the show is packed as we’re in the tri-branded shows again. We also have Team McMahon (Vince/Shane/Umaga) vs. Lashley for the ECW Title and Edge vs. Batista for the Smackdown title. Let’s get to it.

 

The video is about those three matches and how we don’t know what happens to us after we die. Ozzy Osbourne does the theme music here so I can’t complain much.

 

We have six commentators. Good freaking grief.

 

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

 

I think I vaguely remember Flair tutoring Carlito so I’d assume this is the blowoff for it. Flair chops and hammers away so hair boy hits the floor. Carlito gets a shot in to the arm to introduce some psychology. We enter into some arm work as Carlito amazes me with how lazy he got. Not in this match but in general. The fans get behind Flair of course in a wrestling town like this one.

 

Flair’s arm goes around the post as Naitch is in trouble. Carlito keeps mixing things up on the arm which is such a nice perk. It gets painfully boring to see someone use the same move over and over again. Putting an armbar on is fine but do other stuff too. More arm stuff follows as we’ve been doing for about five minutes now. Dropkick gets two.

 

Flair comes back with one arm chops but gets caught in a backdrop for two. Back to the armbar but Flair comes back with one arm. Good selling here by Flair. Backstabber doesn’t work and it’s time to go after the leg. This doesn’t take long as the Figure Four goes on and we’re done in just a few seconds.

 

Rating: B-. I rather liked this actually with Flair selling the arm well. The flaw to it was that once Flair woke up the arm didn’t really play much of a role in this as Flair does most of his stuff with one arm anyway. Still though, not bad as Flair teaches the brash young punk a lesson and wins clean. I do kind of question him winning here though but oh well.

 

We recap Shawn’s head injury which is a result of Khali chokebombing him through a table. With a concussion Shawn managed to beat Edge on Raw but Orton popped up post match to punt him, meaning his head is even worse.

 

Shawn tries to talk but gets jumped by Orton and sent into the set, messing him up again. They have a scheduled match later tonight.

 

We recap Team McMahon vs. Lashley which is fallout from Mania and Vince’s haircut. Vince won the ECW Title at Backlash, ticking off every ECW fanboy on the planet. He was still bald at this point so he has a bandana on. You can’t say they’re not pushing Lashley at this point. Basically it’s a handicap feud to make Lashley look like a monster.

 

ECW Title: Team McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

 

It’s Umaga, Vince and Shane if you forgot. Lashley had a legit injury at Backlash so he’s rather limited in what he can do. He wouldn’t be able to take time off until July though, which was his last match for the company. The belt looks like a toy at this point. They would trade it in for the big one they finished the brand with soon. Lashley has generic rock theme 19 here.

 

Lashley cleans house to start, getting a BIG pop when he gets his hands on Vince. Almost no reaction at all for the other two. We finally get down to Shane vs. Lashley which goes badly for the boy wonder. Umaga misses a corner splash as it hits Shane, allowing a powerslam to pin Shane to give Lashley his second ECW Title in about 75 seconds.

 

And never mind as Vince says it doesn’t count as he didn’t pin Vince. Umaga beats Lashley down post match. Lashley would get it back for real next month before having to drop it due to being drafted to Raw. Then it would be put up in a mini-tournament which was supposed to be won by Benoit. I think you guys know the story there.

 

Shawn is checked out by a trainer and is told he can’t compete.

 

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

 

Burke is more known as the Pope now. Punk has heavily taped ribs and IT’S CLOBBERING TIME!!! Burke wanted Punk in the ECW New Breed but Punk said no, so here’s a match. Basically Elijah is just a loudmouth at this point and is overly cocky. He’s a rare example of TNA taking a guy and doing FAR better with him than WWE did. The fans are behind Punk here.

 

Nothing of note to start other than some striking and Punk throwing on a chinlock. That makes sense here as he’s trying to conserve wind due to the ribs being injured. Punk keeps firing off kicks and adds a suplex for two. British Bulldog suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock, both by Punk if that wasn’t clear. That doesn’t last long as Punk hits a springboard reverse cross body for two.

 

Burke finally gets to the ribs and Punk can’t get the knee in the corner. Punk is noving very gingerly because of the ribs. GTS can’t hit so he settles for a springboard dropkick to send Burke to the floor. This has been almost all Punk for the first 8 minutes and he adds a suicide dive to the floor to continue his advantage. Burke manages to pull him off the top in almost a powerbomb style move and it’s time to work on the bad ribs.

 

Off to the body scissors and the fans chant for JBL for absolutely no reason at all. See, in contrast to the opener with Carlito doing a bunch of different stuff to Flair’s arm, Burke is using the same body scissors the entire time. There are TONS of moves and holds to use on the ribs but he uses the same one. Big difference and it made me enjoy the Carlito stuff more.

 

Punk gets out of it and they head to the corner. Superplex by Punk has both guys in EXTREME (it’s an ECW match so you have to capitalize that word) agony. Punk is up first and starts firing off strikes. Enziguri gets two. Knee in the corner hits this time but he can’t get the bulldog. Elijah Express (double knee in the corner) misses as does the GTS and an STO gets two for Burke. Double knees his this time and Punk is caught in the Tree of Woe for a bit before the cover only gets two. Punk reverses another STO and the GTS hits for the pin. We even get a faster count as per ECW tradition.

 

Rating: B. Good match here as they had a lot of time and it paid off in the end. Burke isn’t a guy that I was ever a fan of in WWE but this was a very good outing from him. Then again being in there with him probably didn’t hurt things at all. Punk would of course become a far bigger deal than Burke in WWE but that was to be expected.

 

Edge brags about beating Undertaker and how it’s his world title, not Batista’s. Interesting that all three are more or less retired at this point.

 

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Shawn has the head injury remember. Randy gets a face pop and isn’t hearing voices yet. Orton wants the forfeit win but here’s Shawn. Uh…maybe just his music. Oh there he is, barely able to stand up straight. He doesn’t do his pyro and can barely keep his eyes open. Dude, what did I tell you about chilling with the Hardys? The referee tries to talk him out of it and Shawn says ring the bell.

 

Orton drills him in the head as it rings and Shawn is in big trouble early. Oh we’re in St. Louis. That’s why he got the face pop. Elevated DDT gets two more than once. Shawn is gone and Orton keeps stomping. He sets for the RKO and Shawn just falls. He’s had no offense at all. Orton tries a super RKO but Shawn knocks him off and manages to drop an elbow somehow. He can’t even cover though so he sets for the kick. Shawn sets for it and just falls down and the referee stops it.

 

Rating: N/A. This ran about four minutes but you can’t call this a match as it wasn’t. This was an angle which was used to advance Orton. Soon he would completely dominate the upper midcard to become the mega challenger to Cena, ultimately taking the title when Cena was hurt in the fall.

 

RKO to Shawn post match draws his wife out to check on him. He leaves on a stretcher.

 

Khali yells in Hindi. He has the title belt despite not being champion. Not a good example for a cop.

 

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

 

No longer the Hardy Boys I guess. To give the Smackdown guys something to do they’re calling it. No real reason for this other than face tag team vs. heel tag team. Matt vs. Cade to start us off. Technical stuff so far as Matt takes over for the most part. Apparently Matt is a Smackdown guy despite being a Raw champion. Cade tries a wristlock and Matt BLASTS him with a forearm to counter. That looked great and sounded even better.

 

Off to Jeff to a BIG pop. Murdoch comes in also and there isn’t exactly a pop but maybe it’s implied? You can tell they’re in a long form match here as the faces have an extended control period to start. Matt gets a double axe off the middle rope for two. Cade comes in and takes over with Murdoch helping also.

 

And never mind as Jeff comes in for another pop. Slingshot dropkick gets two in the corner on Murdoch. Cade tries to leave and that gets us nowhere. Back to Jeff vs. Murdoch again and Jeff tries a front flip over the ropes. Murdoch steps to the side and Jeff CRASHES with a loud thud. Cade takes over again as Jeff sells like the master that he is. I mean at Victory Road he even managed to sell that he was a competent professional.

 

Off to the chinlock and Jeff gets beaten up even more. This is more of an extended Raw match which isn’t a bad thing here but just a bit different. Canadian Destroyer/Sunset Bomb by Murdoch gets two as Matt saves. Double tag and it’s off to Cade vs. Matt. After most of the house is cleaned, Cade takes Matt down for a bit. I guess he didn’t get to dust the top shelves. Not that it matters as the Twist of Fate and Swanton keep the belts in North Carolina.

 

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match here at all as you had an extended Raw match but the fans were certainly into it. Extended Raw matches are fine like here as you had two pretty good teams and therefore you got a good match out of it. What more can you really ask for here anyway? The country boys would get the titles in about two weeks.

 

They shake hands post match. Odd indeed.

 

Edge has a video for us, which is about him stealing the world title from the injured Undertaker after stealing MITB from the injured Kennedy. This was a big part of the Ultimate Opportunist thing. This is your hype video for Batista vs. Edge in case you weren’t clear on that.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

 

Edge got the title from Taker 9 days before this. Oddly enough he comes out first here. Batista has a bandaged leg from….I think a match with Taker who he was feuding with for a long time. The idea here is Edge did in three seconds what Taker couldn’t do in two months. The thing is it was just after a cage match with Batista and Henry coming out for a beatdown.

 

Edge backs off a lot to start. All Big Dave as he sends Edge to the floor but he gets his knee slammed into the steps and the Canadian takes over. Back in Batista goes shoulder first into the post as the psychology shifts a bit. A long armbar is actually countered by an arm drag and Batista gets him into the corner for the shoulders. Clothesline puts both guys down.

 

Powerslam gets two for Batista. Boss Man Slam (why does no one piuck that up as a finisher? Barrett uses it as a regular move but it’s a great finisher for a power guy) gets two as does an Edge-O-Matic for the champ. Edge sets for a spear but Batista gets a BIT one instead for two. Another powerslam and it’s Batista Bomb time. Edge counters but gets caught in a spinebuster. It hurts the knee though and Edge grabs a rollup for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: C. The ending isn’t a cop out as it seems. This was more about Edge getting dominated in the end but catching Batista in one error to retain, playing up the opportunist aspect of him. Anyway, not much of a match here as it felt like a SNME match, which is ok but it gets a bit dull at times. Edge would get hurt in like two months and Khali would get the title in a battle royal.

 

The Divas are asked who wins in Cena vs. Khali. Jillian thinks Khali is hot. Maria picks Batista. This is totally pointless.

 

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

 

MVP is challenging here and it’s 2/3 falls. They had a decent match at Mania and this is the rematch. Amazing to think this was two months before the Benoit stuff happened. This is the third match in their series. Apparently Benoit has a bad leg which is a running theme tonight. They feel each other out for a good while as Cole isn’t sure if DQs or countouts count.

 

All Benoit to start but he can’t get the Crossface. MVP grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere at all. Benoit hammers away and they hit the mat. The idea here was that in the first match Benoit completely outwrestled him then at Backlash Benoit had more trouble with him and now he’s having real trouble with him. MVP works on the leg for a good while.

 

Rolling Germans time but the knee gives out on the final one. Crossface goes on but he manages to get to the rope. Back to the knee but a big boot in the corner misses. Sharpshooter goes on but that doesn’t work either. Good stuff here for the most part but the whole work on a limb thing is getting a bit repetitive tonight. MVP tries to climb the ropes and Benoit gets him in an electric chair, but the knee goes out and the Playmaker gives MVP the first fall.

 

There’s a rest period and Benoit stretches his leg a bit. The knee is falling apart and MVP attacks it every chance he gets. Even on a cover MVP twists the leg around in a very nice touch. Leg lock goes on which becomes a Brock Lock and Chris is in trouble. Playmaker doesn’t work a second time as Benoit gets a SWEET counter into the Crossface but he can’t lock it in due to a shot to the knee. A big boot to the knee allows MVP to roll him up to win the title in two straight falls. He would hold it nearly a year.

 

Rating: C+. The knee work was good here but at the same time it got a bit annoying having this in about the fourth or fifth match tonight. Benoit would head to ECW rather soon and I think you know how that ended. Pretty decent match here though as MVP used the previous two matches to get the win here, which is psychology which is the best thing you can ask for.

 

We recap Cena vs. Khali. Someone laid out Shawn, Edge and Orton in one night to send a message to Cena so he called them out at the end of the night. It was Khali who then beat the tar out of him. Cena managed to get him in the FU position but Khali countered and hit the Chokebomb. The idea is Cena is the underdog here despite being champion. Khali beat Shawn clean to officially become #1 contender.

 

Raw World Title: Great Khali vs. John Cena

 

JR: “Cena has to compete tonight like Khali hit Cena’s mama with a 2×4.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? I mean was that something that was a common occurrence in Oklahoma? Is he drawing on personal experience? Could Khali speed it up a bit so that I can stop overreacting already? Khali is undefeated at this point.

 

Staredown to start and Cena pounds away but it gets him chopped in the head. Clothesline and a right hand sends him to the floor. Khali sends him to the steps and back in the ring puts his foot on the chest for two. Slam and a leg drop (BROTHER) get two. This is all Khali if that wasn’t clear. Cena tries to move a bit and gets the Throwback for two.

 

Back up and Cena hits the ropes but KHALI HITS A SPIN KICK!!! WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT GO AFTER THIS MATCH????? I almost rewound the tape to see if I really saw that but it was there. Out to the floor now and Cena is rammed into the table a few times. Off to a nerve hold which doesn’t last long because it’s just a nerve hold. A pair of shoulders is enough to tie Khali in the ropes for a bit. Cena charges instead of standing there but Khali gets out and hits a big boot to take him down.

 

Cena blocks the knockout chop but gets sent to the floor. Khali comes after him but Cena finally wakes up and dropkicks the steps into the knees. Top rope Fameasser and Khali is in trouble. STFU goes on and this is all or nothing for Cena. Khali finally taps but his foot was under the rope which is what set up the rematch the next month in a falls count anywhere match.

 

Rating: C. There was only so much they could do here and for the most part it worked I think. Khali didn’t have to do much out there which is ok also as his size makes up for it. They kept this should (a little over 8 minutes) and that was the best thing they could have done. They weren’t going to get a great match here no matter what but all things considered, this was about as good as they were going to get, especially since it never got totally unrealistic for Cena to come back.

 

Overall Rating: C+. This was definitely a B level show but it worked pretty well. There isn’t a bad match on the card and while the ratings for each were all pretty good, there’s absolutely nothing worth going out of your way to see. This is a show that you could easily skip and you would have been fine, which is why having another show in two weeks was a stupid idea. Not bad, but definitely not worth seeing.

Extreme Rules 2011
Date: May 1, 2011
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Josh Matthews

I see this show as being like TLC from last year: there isn’t much of a difference in the stories from here and Wrestlemania so here are a bunch of gimmicks tacked on and we hope that you watch our show and don’t notice that we haven’t put much thought into this past month. The main event tonight (possibly) is Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio for the vacant world title. If Christian doesn’t win here, I doubt he ever will. Not really but it sounds good. Let’s get to it.

Opening video is pretty much what you would expect: TONIGHT IS EXTREME!!!

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

 

Last man standing here. New Nexus is with Punk as they continue to try to validate their existences. And never mind as an E-Mail throws them out. Punk takes the pad off a buckle before he even gets in. Hot start as they go right at it. We go to the floor quickly with Punk getting introduced to the barricade. They hit it off and are taking in a movie next Tuesday.

They go back into the ring as they’re keeping up that fast pace. The problem of course is that in last man standings, there’s no real point to buying into any counts until after at least 8 minutes. Punk grabs a kendo stick and the “brutal” part of the match starts. Multiple shots by Punk (Straightedge anyone?) gets about seven and now it’s payback time. Finisher attempts are exchanged and Orton sends Punk into a chair wedged in between the ropes to the floor for about 6.

Punk gets a solid kick to the head for about 8. As always in these matches, a lot of time passes with little happening due to the counting and setting up for the counting. Orton sends him into the barricade for six and we head back to the ring. GTS actually hits and Orton gets up at 9, only to fall back down a second later. That counts as being up though as it should. Punk throws in a chair and a Russian leg sweep onto it gets about 8.

To their feet and Punk tries another leg sweep. Orton pulls an RKO out of nowhere and both guys are down. Orton gets up as does Punk but he stumbles to the floor just after he gets up. Punk fights off the elevated DDT and wraps a chair around Orton’s throat to send it into the post. THAT gets 9 and Punk is ticked off. They go to the table and Punk tries the GTS on it….which wouldn’t add anything to the move but whatever. There’s the counter into an RKO onto the (non-breaking in this case) table and Punk stumbles to his feet somehow at 9. I would have bet on that being the ending.

Orton sets for a Punt but gets caught in a GTS into the steps. When I say the GTS I mean he gets dropped face first onto the steps which is really about all you can do with that move. Up at nine and Punk has a kendo stick. Punk sends Orton in and goes up top for some reason, only to have Orton intercept the stick and WEAR PUNK OUT with it as he’s hanging from the top. SUPER RKO from the top ends this with Orton barely beating the count.

Rating: B. I rather liked this one, mainly because they gave it a lot more time than I expected them to. I would have thought the ending was going to happen multiple times in there but they let it keep going. I think it was pretty clear Orton was going to win, but they had a lot of very close calls in there and it worked rather well. Much better than I expected actually.

Lawler heads to the back to get read and we recap the Draft.

Morrison is warming up.

Sheamus is ticked off that Teddy has added an extra match with him defending against Kofi in a tables match. He’s the US Champion and is defending against someone not from the US. He demands to see the birth certificate. This is FAR less stupid now that that whole issue is over.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston

 

Booker continues to imply Kofi should turn heel as we hit the floor early. First table is brought out by the pale one and set up on the floor. Back to the ring and Sheamus gets caught on the apron, only to hit a slingshot shoulder block to take Kofi down. Table #2 comes in and lands on top of Kofi. We hear about how Sheamus beat Cena in one of these to win the title which still blows my mind.

Table gets set up in the corner but Kofi fights out of it. Sheamus moves to avoid Kofi’s dive but Kofi is like screw it and does the splits in midair to land on the ropes with the table between his legs. Big boot sends Kofi flying over the table on the floor as Sheamus takes over again. The corner table is set up in front of the corner and Sheamus hammers away. Sheamus can’t suplex him onto a table on the floor and gets caught by Trouble in Paradise but it doesn’t put him through the table. The Boom Drop as Sheamus turns around does however to give Kofi the title.

Rating: C+. Not bad here and considering it was just a way to get a midcard title on Raw this was fine. Kofi of course is his usually solid self and Sheamus loses the title without getting pinned. This was perfectly fine and the ending plus some cool spots by Kofi were enough to push it over the top.

Truth complains about Morrison because that’s what he does anymore. He can’t spell conspiracy. The one thing he can’t stand is a thief which is what Morrison is. Back in the 80s this would have been a squash over a jobber and the point is just to establish that Truth is here for when he likely runs in later.

Michael Cole/Jack Swagger vs. Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler

 

Country whipping match here, which means they all have straps. Cole, I kid you not, is wrapped in bubble wrap. Ross has a legit broken hand after beating Cole up Monday. Cole gives us his resume as a reporter and insults all of Florida by saying everyone is old. Lawler vs. Cole to start as Lawler can’t hurt him. Lawler goes for the only unprotected part: Cole’s face. There goes the bubble wrap and it’s off to Swagger.

Basically this is Lawler vs. Swagger for all intents and purposes as they have a one on one match for a few minutes. Lawler gets him down but takes a chop block as he goes after Cole. Ankle Lock goes on for like 30 seconds as Ross WEAKLY hits Swagger to break the hold. Off to JR who puts an ankle lock on Swagger! Swagger escapes and I think accidentally tags Cole. Ross wastes WAY too much time for a clothesline and whips Cole a bit. Ankle lock goes on Cole and even takes Swagger out with a low blow. He turns to whip Swagger….and gets rolled up by Cole to end it. Dang it this is going to keep going isn’t it?

Rating: F. Hey look, Cole wins again and gets to run his mouth a bit more. Not as bad as Mania but still, DO SOMETHING ELSE! This has been done and it’s been done multiple times already so why do they keep going with it? Cole can still be a jerk but give us SOMETHING for a change instead. Match sucked too.

Over the Limit is in three weeks. Well of course it is.

Cena says he hasn’t been champion since June and will be champion again tonight. Short interview here.

We recap Rey vs. Cody. Not much to say here other than it’s been awesome from Cody and Rey messed up Cody, turning him into someone that thinks he’s grotesque despite looking the same as he always has. That’s some solid psychological stuff there.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Falls count anywhere. People hand out the bags which is a nice touch. Cody has promised to send Rey to the hospital on his way to Raw. Cody charges at Rey to start us off but Rey speeds thigns up to send him to the floor. They go up the ramp and Rey gets a seated senton off the stage for two. Out into the crowd as Rey kicks away at the head. NOT IN THE FACE!!!

Up towards the back of the arena with Cody kind of in control now. Into the back as this is more or less an old school hardcore match. Cody mangaes the Beautiful Disaster off a concession stand window for two. That looked awesome. Back to the ring as this has been a very stiff looking match. Rey tries his sitout bulldog but Cody reverses with a wheelbarrow drop onto the steps for two.

Cody picks Rey up like a 24 pack and throws him into the ring. Rey fights back and sets for the 619, intentionally exposing his knee brace. Cody counters and hits an Alabama Slam for two. Up we go but Rey FIRES GREEN MIST at Cody to send him flying. 619 out of nowhere and the springboard splash finishes completely clean.

Rating: B. Another good match here, mainly due to them beating the tar out of each other. This feud was solid and at least Cody got the win at Mania which looks better on his resume and will be what is remembered. Good stuff overall here and the mist was a nice touch despite messing up the racial stereotypes again.

Layla apologizes to the Divas for being mean to them over the years. They say they don’t like her but they like Michelle less.

Cole is back on commentary. Oh joy.

Michelle McCool vs. Layla

 

More or less a street fight here and the loser leaves WWE. Michelle wisely jumps Layla during her lay on the rope entrance. Out to the floor as this is another intense brawl. A shot into the table gets two for Michelle. Big boot misses and here comes Layla. Belly to belly gets two for Michelle as we hit the floor again.

They fight on the barrier of all things with Michelle taking over. DIAMOND DUST gets two for Layla as they come back in. Faithbreaker is countered into the Layout for two. Michelle counters a jackknife cover into a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) but can’t cover immediately. Layla counters the cover into a rollup/crucifix pin to get rid of Michelle.

Rating: C+. I liked this again. The Divas can do pretty well if they’re given the proper amount of time. Layla winning here is probably due to Michelle leaving soon if not tonight apparently which is fine. Definitely one of the better matches with the females in awhile as this worked fine. Layle is getting a lot better every time she gets in there, which is definitely a good sign.

Layla cries as she leaves.

Michelle gets the goodbye song treatment but Kharma (Awesome Kong) debuts. Implant Buster kills Michelle dead with ease. All of the Divas are freaked out. Beth is made to look the most prominent here.

Alberto gives Ricardo instructions on how to announce the ending.

We recap Edge’s retirement and the title being vacant. This gets the 3 Doors Down video again which makes me smile. Edge was supposed to defend in a ladder match but had to retire due to a neck injury so Christian took his place by winning a battle royal.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

Ladder match here. Well we’re in Christian’s match with Edge’s momentum behind him in his (kind of) hometown. If he doesn’t win here, he’s never going to have a better chance. Brawl to start and Christian goes for the ladder only for the king of the golden banana hammock to take over. Baseball slide into the ladder into Del Rio as Christian takes control right back.

First ladder is brought in and Del Rio gets in a shot to take over. Christian is knocked to the floor as Del Rio gets the big ladder set up between the table and the ring like a platform. Suplex is blocked but Christian is kicked into the steps hip first. The Canadian gets knocked off the top onto a ladder and then jumps onto Del Rio to keep the advantage for the most part.

Up goes Christian but we’re only about 8 minutes into this so that’s not the ending. They slug it out but the Killswitch is avoided. Del Rio is sent into the ladder arm first. Big ladder goes up in the middle of the ring but Del Rio chucks a stepladder at Christian for the save. Codebreaker to the arm with Del Rio on the small ladder and Christian coming off the big ladder which looked awesome.

Del Rio works on the arm a bit as Cole declares Christian done. The small ladder (I smell an alliance with Horny) is used again but Del Rio goes crashing into the big ladder to put him down. Christian goes up again, only to get caught by Alberto in a kind of powerbomb move which is countered by a rana by Christian. They fight over a chance to put the other through the ladder platform but Christian gets a suplex onto a ladder to put Del Rio down.

Alberto goes up, only to be stopped but the arm goes out on Christian as Alberto keeps control. Chair slipped in by Ricardo which goes nowhere. Back in the ring Christian busts out a SPEAR to put Del Rio down. I guess he isn’t a master of it though as Del Rio makes the save by pulling Christian through the rungs of the ladder. Christian slips free, sending Alberto into the corner where the stepladder gets kicked into his face again.

Christian gets laid out on the platform ladder and Del Rio goes up for an elbow/legdrop/splash/whatever. Christian moves though and the ladder DOESN”T BREAK. FREAKING OW MAN! There goes the Canadian but Brodus runs in to move the ladder and pull him down. Stepladder shot puts Clay down as Del Rio comes back in to take over. Cross armbreaker with the arm in the ladder makes Christian tap which means nothing.

Christian is busted open so we bust out the towel. Alberto sets up the ladder and has to take his time as first aid is administered, making this look REALLY FREAKING STUPID. He goes up but a horn honks and Edge is in a car. Brodus is busted BAD. The distraction lets Christian shove Alberto onto Clay and Christian is champion. One important thing here: Edge stands off to the side for a good while to let Christian celebrate on his own.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and this is the right move. I’m skeptical about Christian as champion still, but this was 100% the right call given the circumstances. He gets the chance to run with things here, despite being 37 now. It’s a gamble, but it’s not a huge walk the plank one so I don’t have many complaints here. Rather good match too but nothing we haven’t seen before for the most part.

Edge celebrates with Christian but DOESN’T STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT.

Package on Orton’s movie at a film festival. I think they’ve figured out the idea here: let the actors do the acting and let the WWE guys have supporting roles. It’ll do a lot better.

Riley gives Miz a pep talk as the fans can be heard heckling Del Rio.

Tag Titles: Kane/Big Show vs. Wade Barrett/Ezekiel Jackson

 

Lumberjack match here which is really needed as it’s 10:15 and we only had the Raw title match left. Show vs. Barrett to start us off as Show dominates. Kane comes in with his low dropkick for two. Everything breaks down quickly as Show beats up various jobber lumberjacks as Jackson runs over Kane to take over. Double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a bit of a mess. It’s a bonus match though so you really can’t complain that much.

Off to Show who cleans a few rooms but gets sent to the floor by Jackson. Jobbers pound on him which means they’ll be his dinner later. DH Smith is actually here. Wow indeed. They finally get Show back in and Jackson slams him, but Barrett wants the glory. The glaring between the foreigners allows Show to grab a chokeslam to retain over Barrett. Just a quick match here.

Rating: D+. Again, it’s a bonus match so you really can’t complain much here. They filled in the card and pushed the whole Corre breaking down thing. This was fine for what it was as they weren’t expected to do anything of note. I’m done will filling in space here but with this sentence I get four lines out of it so I’m happy.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison

 

In a cage and it’s pin, submission or escape. Miz tries to run but the not brothers John save him. Midnight Express flapjack puts the champ down as we’re firmly into the three way formula already. Everyone beats on everyone as the former tag champions……and by that I mean Miz and Morrison…..go up but Cena makes the save. Miz and Cena fight on the top rope for a bit and down goes Cena.

Morrison tries to make a quick escape as Miz tries a pin but the champion saves. They sit on top of the cage and slug it out as Booker says they’re 20 or 30 feet in the air. I give up. Cena pops up and it’s a double suplex to Miz but they kind of botch it into almost a double brainbuster. That looked SICK. Back to the formula again and down goes Morrison.

Cena locks on the STF but Miz tries to escape. Cena lets go for some reason and no one escapes. Morrison gets thrown into the cage, only to jump up the wall and almost escape. He’s a wildcard in this and changes the whole thing, as wildcards are designed to do. With the Johns on top, Miz tries to go out the door. Morrison kicks the door onto his head but gets crotched on said door.

Miz wisely pulls Morrison back into the cage because Morrison was about to just fall onto the floor. Cena gets two on Morrison. BIG DDT on Cena by Miz gets two. Miz rams Cena into the cage and Morrison almost escapes, only to be caught again by Miz. They slug it out on top of the cage again and Miz can’t quite get down. Miz goes down so Morrison launches a Starship Pain off the cage to take out both guys in a cool spot.

Morrison almost gets out but of course here’s Truth to slam the door on Morrison’s head. Truth comes into the cage and destroys Morrison. Axe kick to Cena as Booker is confused. Jumping downward spiral (NAME THAT MOVE ALREADY!) to Morrison as Truth climbs the cage. He hasn’t touched Miz. Truth climbs out of the cage and has the big freaky eyes going on.

Everyone is down now and Miz is the first one up. He goes to escape, for some reason not going through the door, only to be caught by Cena. They slug it out with the boo/yay which is required for Cena matches anymore. Skull Crushing Finale is blocked into a big old FU off the top (stealing moves from Orton Cena? Really) and Cena is champion again.

Rating: B-. Well we all knew the Truth interference was coming and that Morrison wasn’t walking out with the title which is fine. The ending sets up a rematch and Truth vs. Morrison which is fine on both counts. This was a pretty solid main event to a pretty solid show which is always a good sign. They worked the formula and they worked it well here, so no complaints for the most part.

Overall Rating: A-. Dude this show was pretty awesome. There are good matches throughout, some history thrown in there and two bonus matches, one of which was pretty good. This is a lot like TLC: it wasn’t meant to be an epic show but rather fun instead and that’s just what they did here. Good stuff throughout and not boring at all with everyone working hard. That’s what you want here and it paid off. Very good show and rather fun overall.

Results

Randy Orton b. CM Punk when Punk couldn’t answer the ten count

Kofi Kingston b. Sheamus – Boom Drop through a table

Michael Cole/Jack Swagger b. Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler – Cole pinned Ross with a rollup

Rey Mysterio b. Cody Rhodes – Springboard splash

Layla b. Michelle McCool – Crucifix Pin

Christian b. Alberto Del Rio – Christian pulled down the championship

Big Show/Kane b. Ezekiel Jackson/Wade Barrett – Big Show pinned Barrett after a chokeslam

John Cena b. John Morrison and The Miz – Cena pinned Miz after an Attitude Adjustment off the top

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Extreme Rules 2010
Date: April 25, 2010
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Arena
Attendance: 12,278
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Ok so here we are. Again this is hopefully going to be a live review so if it comes off as odd don’t be surprised. This show was plagued by a lack of Raw build up show due to the volcano in Iceland. Even still though, this is a minor PPV as it’s just a rehash of the Mania feuds. This is the show where everything is a gimmick match which is always at least cool in theory. The main event is Batista/Cena in a last man standing match. Let’s get to it.

Opening video more or less says that Extreme rules. Cute. Incredibly stupid, but cute. Rey/Punk gets a higher billing than Edge/Jericho. That’s rather odd. Standard video package that sums up everything. WWE is very user friendly. It’s easy to step into any show and get what’s going on. That’s a HUGE perk for attracting new fans.

Street Fight: HHH vs. Sheamus

WOW. This is the opener? I’m stunned actually. This has been a decent build up to a feud…and there’s no HHH. ICELAND ATTACKS AGAIN! We go to the back and Sheamus has jumped HHH. I like it. It gives things a feeling of you don’t know what’s coming which is a very nice touch to say the least. The pale one has a steel pipe and gets in a solid shot on HHH’s head. I guess this has officially started but I’m not sure. The referee calls for the medic and we go to the arena.

And Big Show and Miz are here. Ok then. These two aren’t scheduled but I’d bet on a tag title match. They’re not scheduled but they just happen to have their wrestling gear on. The jacket on Miz works in some weird way. Miz has risen so far so fast that it’s amazing. I think Bret is going to be here soon.

Oh apparently they’re moving that to tomorrow. They say they have a lack of competition and they’re praying for opponents. I smell Kane for some reason. Here’s Teddy Long. He makes ShowMiz vs. a team of his choosing. This is just for a title shot, not the titles. Got it. And the opponents are….not announced yet. I’m liking this live way of reviewing actually. Ah .

Tag Team Gauntlet

R-Truth and Morrison are opening us up here. This is the first of three teams. I know this is a rematch of Mania but come on now. Actually this works so I can’t complain that much. Cole says the fans are behind the face team. NO REALLY? It’s a bit better than the previous one at Mania, but not by much. Morrison screws up and gets disqualified by not letting Show out of the ropes when he has a triangle choke on. Ok then.

Team number two is MVP/Mark Henry. This is rather short but it works fine I guess. Without going into details, MVP gets punched and pinned.

Cue Hart Dynasty, Hart Attack, pin. Literally, that’s it.

Rating: N/A. Too much of a mess to really grade it as a regular match. Something like this was needed to flesh out the card though. It came off fine though.

Grisham tries to give us an update on HHH but Sheamus says he’ll have to forfeit or get a worse beating.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Remember if Punk loses his head is shaved. Punk NEEDS this. Rey is wearing a Skelator mask. Ok then. Punk hits that sweet powerslam of his. In a nice spot, Punk just throws Punk under the ropes so he crashes into the floor. Nicely done. Gallows has a bit of an Austin look going for him.

Decent match far and longer than their Mania one I think. Come on WWE don’t kill Punk off yet. He busts out a bow and arrow of all things. Nice. Striker tries to turn Cole and Lawler to Straightedge. I like it. Punk busts out a freaking Gory Special of all things. See? Even back then they had special moves. No Mercy stole from them! Punk is more or less dominating, which scares me to no end. Serena stops the 619 and she and Gallows get ejected.

Rey hits an Asai Moonsault to get right back into it. Crowd is red hot by the way. Rey gets a seated senton but Punk hits a dropkick to make the save. This is a storied rivalry already. No Striker. Just no. Punk hits his springboard clothesline and I can’t stand Rey anymore. Seriously, get over the whole overcoming the odds idea.

It’s just stupid anymore. GTS is countered into a rana for 2 and then punk kicks Rey’s head off. Solid match to put it mildly. Rey gets the fraeking 619 and someone slides a chair into the ring. It’s a bald guy that slides under the ring. No clue who that was. He also drops Rey with something on the floor and Rey is out. GTS ends it. YES!

Rating: A-. VERY good match that had me wondering who would win up until the very end. Also, this is the way the match needed to end. Rey needed to lose here and Punk now has a credible win in this gimmick. That was a great match though. Love it and yes my Punk bias likely has a lot to do with it but still.

Strap Match: JTG vs. Shad Gaspar

It’s the four corners version here which I’m in the minority that actually prefers it that way. I just could not care less about this match. I truly couldn’t. JTG needs to win to regain credibility apparently. That would imply he had it to begin with, which is a straight up lie. Shad is dominating for the most part here. Yeah riveting.

Wow the crowd is SILENT for this. Who would have seen that coming? Shad just destroys JTG here and beats on him with the strap sans mercy. Shad gets his first three…and JTG does the same three. Not THIS finish again. Yep. JTG hits his finisher and dives for the 4th corner. Screw me running at least it’s over.

Rating: D-. And I like these kinds of matches. The crowd simply could not care less and it came off very clearly here. I mean NO ONE cared. Just boring as all goodness here with two guys that have no heat on them at all. At least it’s over though.

HHH can’t fight tonight. Yeah I’ll buy that.

Orton vs. Swagger is next? Really? We hit the recap. You know the drill by now.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger

Remember it’s Extreme Rules which I guess means no rules? Crowd loves them some Orton. Swagger controls early on as you would expect. I’m hoping they don’t make the switch tonight. Orton chasing the title for a few months would be nice. Also Swagger needs the credibility that the title gives him.

I love how more or less the announcers say Orton has nothing but the RKO. That’s not that nice. Swagger is dominating but Orton gets a belt shot to break that up. Ok then. Orton hits that same powerslam that Punk hit earlier. Swagger counters the elevated DDT too. Nicely done. It’s garbage can time.

SICK shots with it from Orton. Those were nice. Orton is going off now and it’s awesome. Orton does a stomp to Swagger’s head while he’s on the steps. Ow. The knee drop misses though and Swagger hits the floor. Naturally he gets caught in the elevated DDT though and it’s Orton setting for the RKO now. Hint: when he slaps the mat and shouts, it means RKO is coming.

Instead though he sets up a chair but the RKO onto it is countered. Well kind of it was. The look came off terribly but I get the concept. Gutwrench powerbomb hits and Swagger gets the pin. HUGE win there. That was all Swagger as he countered the RKO and got the pin. All Swagger there. Post match Orton gets the RKO to keep the tweener thing going.

Rating: B-. Not great but the booking was exactly right. This was a decent little match as Swagger is getting better and better in the ring. I liked it for what it was. No classic but not bad at all.

And here’s Sheamus. Ok then. And despite not being able to feel his hand, here comes HHH. Ok, if he wins here, I give up.

Street Fight: Sheamus vs. HHH

HHH of course controls to start things off which is bearable I guess. He hits the spinebuster but can’t get the Pedigree because of the arm being how hurt it is. Now this is more like it. He’s just ramming HHH into the barricade over and over again. I forgot this is a street fight. That’s not a good sign at all.

Striker and King are arguing like no other here and it’s coming off as great. Striker says he and Lawler have both wrestled hurt. That’s rather stupid. Striker wrestled for what, a year or so? Just seems ridiculous to compare the two of them. And of course HHH has the energy to use a DDT with his left arm.

HHH grabs a pipe and smacks HHH in the head with it. Naturally he kicks out. Sure why not? Apparently after a massive Irish man blasts you in the head with a steel pipe you can kick out via instinct. Sure why not? Celtic Cross is blocked. Apparently that’s called Pale Justice now. HHH gets a kendo stick and all of a sudden his arm is fine. That makes my head hurt. This has at least picked up a bit. Pump kick hits though. A second kick hits and it’s all Sheamus.

Naturally he lets HHH get up and the third and fourth kicks land to FINALLY end him. And remember kiddies: do not attempt making yourself look that strong without a licensed wife with connections. To be fair, the ending makes this a lot more bearable. Post match he fights off a cervical collar and tries to crawl off. He’s almost to the entrance when Sheamus hits ANOTHER kick to put him down again. Nice.

Rating: C-. The second half saved this match. The first half was borderline failure but the weapons helped it a lot. Sheamus winning is the right thing though, period. Yes HHH looked very strong, but to be fair he laid down at the end of the match and that’s what counts at the end of the day. Not terrible but more about the angle afterwards than the match.

Ad for Over the Limit. Oh dear.

Edge is getting ready.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool

This is an Extreme Makeover match. Michelle looks great of course. The music helps a lot here for her I think. There’s a table of makeup etc at ringside. Beth gets a semi-pop. Can someone shut Beth up? Please? Michelle is possibly the best women’s athlete ever? Really? That’s just pitiful.

Basically we’re just making fun of Vickie and using random weapons like hairspray and ironing boards. Beth counters the hairspray again and it’s one on one now. Vickie has a broom. Make your own jokes. Glam Slam ends it like it should have.

Rating: D. And that’s mainly due to Beth’s awesome cleavage in this one. This was a comedy match to put it nicely and it didn’t come off well to put it nicely. The girls looked hot, but having them use things like makeup and ironing boards? Really?

Ad for the Mania DVD.

Jericho does his usual great promo about how it ends tonight. He looks buff to say the least.

No recap actually.

Cage Match: Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Ah ok we got a quick recap after Edge’s intro. Makes more sense. Jericho stalls a lot to play himself some heel. Ah there we go now they’re both in. And we see Jericho’s tights come down. Didn’t need that one there. Jericho gets rammed into the cage. Striker: The metal militia bares its fangs.

Edge goes for the spear but misses entirely. That’s never a good thing. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho busts out from time to time. Striker talks about footwork and Lawler just couldn’t care less. In a cool spot, Jericho hits a leg whip from the top into the Walls. Nicely done. Edge does the climb the ropes spot to get out which is a nice counter.

Jericho has the door open and knocks Edge to the middle of the ring. Then of course like an idiot he gets out of the cage and goes back in. Yeah he’s an idiot. Edge hits a fast spear for two. Codebreaker gets two and we fight on top of the cage for a bit. Edge gets crotched and Jericho gets out AGAIN but this time Edge stops him from falling.

We fight on top even more and Jericho comes back into the cage. And so does Edge. In a NICE spot, Edge is standing on the top rope and Jericho gets a running start, hits the other rope and into a Codebreaker so both guys are down. Nice. That only gets two for a pretty weak pop. Jericho goes for the top of the cage but Edge saves again.

He slams the door on Jericho’s ankle. That would freaking hurt. Edge spins the ankle around in a weird move. This is more psychological than anything else. Ok not really but there’s some of it in there. More ankle work. Edge hits a CRAP spear for the pin. Why does the announcer’s voice always crack when he’s saying superstar?

Rating: B. Good match here but not great. If nothing else, this gives Edge the definitive win here. That’s the biggest thing I think. It wasn’t great, but it did its purpose. Solid stuff, but nothing great though. Also, stop the stupid pinning in the cage. It’s just fraeking idiotic. Two men enter, one man leaves. Not two men enter, one keeps the other down for three seconds.

We recap Cena vs. Batista. You know it by now.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Batista

We get the big match intros. Depending on the source you read, this might be Big Dave’s last match. We get some feeling out stuff and then Batista is like screw it I’m getting a chair. Naturally this doesn’t work. When did so many people start using the big boot? FU doesn’t hit and Cena is thrown into the post.

Batista goes for the knee because that strategy always works in these things right? He does that for a good while. Cena gets a reversal into the steps to get Cena back to about even. Batista busts out a freaking figure four. Well you can’t fault him for a lack of psychology. Cena goes into his sequence but Batista hits the floor.

FU onto the chair hits but it gets 8. Wow that’s odd to type. Spinebuster gets 8 for Big Dave. Cena goes thgrough a table and of course that’s not enough. Batista is looking for plundah, perhaps a bicycle, when a kid yells that he hates the Animal. The Animal feels the same way. Cena puts him through the announce table. You can kind of say this is a paint by numbers thing. It’s not but you could say it is. STFU goes on and Big Dave taps, but you can’t win that way.

He’s out but gets up at 9. Nice little throwback (I crack myself up) to Raw two weeks ago. With nothing else left, Cena crotches him on the post and busts out Duct Tape to tie his legs together. Since he isn’t standing, that’s good enough to retain. Or win the title according to the main page.

Rating: B. Solid match but nothing classic. Cena beats Batista again to end the feud and possibly end Batista. This was fine for what it was, which is something I think people need to keep in mind. They weren’t going for a classic showdown here. That was at Mania. This was the violence aspect of it and more about a definitive ending. You have to keep that in mind on matches like these as it’s a huge difference in style and goals.

Overall Rating: B. I thought this was solid. Not great, but solid. Again, you have to keep in mind what you’re looking at here. Just by the name alone, Extreme Rules, you know this isn’t a standard PPV. It was a gimmick show and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. There isn’t a truly bad match all show, with the strap match and I guess the Divas match being the low points.

However you have a surprise ending and hot women. What more do you need? As for the best part of this show, the youth movement continues. Swagger gets a HUGE win over Orton and did it on his own. He countered the RKO, he hit the Bomb, he got the pin. That’s all you need. Also, Punk got the win that the needed in a great match. All of a sudden, he has credibility and momentum all over again. That’s all you need again.

Oh and Sheamus beats the crap out of HHH. Overall, this show did a great job of closing a lot of doors and getting the rest of the ones opened that need to be opened. This was a successful show. I’ll go with that. Oh and one more thing: there was a feeling of you didn’t know what was coming due to the opening of the show. That’s a very important thing there and it worked very well.

Punk/Mysterio and the main event are worth seeing. Everything else is decent enough for a watch later on. This isn’t a great show, but in a few years it would be a great way to kill an afternoon when it’s raining. Good show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Backlash 2004
Date: April 18, 2004
Location: Rexall Place, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re back to the PPV series again and this time it’s Backlash in Canada. The main event is a rematch of the main event of Wrestlemania XX with Benoit defending his newly won title against Shawn and HHH. The original is said to be the best triple threat match ever and a lot of the time the Backlash rematches are even better due to the lack of pressure from Wrestlemania. We’re also in Benoit’s hometown so if he was the favorite in MSG, this is going to be about 10x louder. There’s also a hardcore match between Cactus Jack and Randy Orton which is awesome. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Benoit winning the title at Wrestlemania, as if it could be anything else. The tagline of “and so it begins again” is nice as it’s a play off of the Wrestlemania tagline of “Where It All Begins Again.”

Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair

Flair is still in Evolution and Shelton is the hot young singles star looking to make a name for himself. He beat HHH twice in a row, once by pin and once by countout. Flair is here to avenge The Game. Shelton takes him into the corner but Flair comes back with his chops and punches. The Stinger Splash misses but Shelton lands on the top rope and gets down unharmed. Benjamin speeds things up and dropkicks Flair to the floor.

Nothing happens out there so we head back in for a thumb to the eye. Flair goes up and you know how that ends. Another thumb to the eye lets Flair take over but Shelton will have none of that and pounds away on Flair’s old head in the corner. Flair takes the knee out and the momentum shifts very fast. He doesn’t work on it long and it’s time for the Figure Four. Shelton blocks it for a bit but the leg goes down and the hold goes on.

Flair uses the rope to cheat so the hold is broken. A chop gets two. Flair goes back to the knee but gets caught by the Dragon Whip kick to put both guys down. Shelton whips him into the corner and Flair crashes over the top and out to the floor. Flair pulls out a weapon of some sort but gets splashed in the corner. A top rope clothesline pins the Nature Boy.

Rating: C+. This was fine for an opener. Shelton was a rising star at this point and a win over Flair wasn’t going to hurt anything. He would get the IC Title by the end of the year and he would become the next big star that never became a big star for various reasons. Still though, good stuff here and fine for an opening match which got the crowd going.

Orton says Shelton is overrated and we should talk about Randy’s winning streak instead. Why aren’t people talking about him holding the IC Title longer than anyone in seven years? He’s beaten legend after legend and tonight it’s Mick Foley’s turn. Mick is like an old dog that has to be put down.

Jonathan Coachman vs. Tajiri

You read that right. Tajiri misted Coach a few weeks ago, then Coach cost Tajiri a match against Christian. Coach armdrags him down to start and Tajiri isn’t sure what to make of that. Coach keeps trying to tie him up but Tajiri keeps firing away kicks. They go to the floor and Tajiri kicks the post to change the flow of the match. Back in and Coach cannonballs down onto the leg and Tajiri is in trouble. Coach hooks a leg bar but Tajiri reverses into a kind of half crab which is pretty quickly broken up.

The leg bar goes on again so Tajiri kicks him in the back. Another to the face and the hold is finally broken up. Coach goes up and gets crotched, allowing a baseball slide dropkick to the back of the head to connect. Handspring elbow sets up another dropkick and it’s rapid fire strike time. Coach grabs a cheating rollup for two. Like an idiot, Coach charges at Tajiri in the corner and is put in the Tarantula for his efforts. Garrison Cage comes out and distracts Tajiri for no apparent reason and Coach rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. You know, this wasn’t half bad. There’s no reason for it to be on PPV, but the match wasn’t all that bad. Coach kept it simple by going after the legs which is the best thing to do against a martial artist so I can’t fault him there. The ending was stupid but this was such a big surprise that it wasn’t a big deal.

HHH arrived earlier.

We recap Jericho vs. Christian/Trish which was an awesome storyline. It started with Jericho hitting on Trish which turned out to be a bet between Jericho and Christian about whether or not he could get Trish in bed. Trish found out about it but Jericho said that he really loved Trish, which seemed legit. Christian turned on Jericho in a show of tough love and they had a match at Mania. Trish turned on Jericho to give Christian the win. Tonight it’s about revenge.

Christian/Trish Stratus vs. Chris Jericho

Evil Trish was HOT. Jericho slaps Christian down and glares at Trish who runs. The chase is on but Christian’s sneak attack is broken up with ease. The evil ones have to tag here so the guys start. Jericho hits a vertical suplex and the posing cover (POP) for two. The crowd keeps chanting SL** at Trish and Christian missees a charge to send him to the floor. The springboard dropkick puts Christian on the floor and Jericho stands tall.

Trish can’t sneak in a Chick Kick and the guys head back in for a top rope back elbow by Jericho, getting two. Jericho gets sent into Trish but gets draped over the top forp to give Christian control. He does the same thing over the barricade and it’s off to Trish. She slaps Jericho and gives us a great cleavage shot at the same time. Chick Kick gets no cover so it’s back to Captain Charisma. A quick Walls attempt is countered but Jericho’s head winds up between Christian’s legs ala Sting.

Jericho comes back with the sleeper drop for two. Trish slaps Jericho, allowing for an elevated reverse DDT out of the corner by Christian which gets two. Trish tries to come in but gets spanked for her troubles. That’s a lucky Jericho. Christian hits the Unprettier out of nowhere but Trish’s cover only gets two.

Trish tries to come back in but gets clotheslined down. Christian takes Jericho down and now only the referee is on his feet. Trish rolls to the floor and Jericho hits the running hip attack while Christian is in 619 position. Lionsault gets knees and Christian puts on a Texas Cloverleaf. Jericho escapes and tries the Walls but instead he catapults Christian into Trish. The running enziguri gets the pin on Christian.

Rating: B-. Another good match here and it evens the score in this feud as it was supposed to do. This was a very well constructed feud and it made sense all the way through. This would lead to a cage match on Raw where Christian would be hurt, putting him on the shelf for four months. Again I’d like to reiterate: evil Trish is HOT.

Eugene has a magazine and wanders into the women’s locker room where Gail freaks out. Regal gets him out.

We get a video about Chris Benoit Day in Edmonton which I think was on Hard Knocks. Benoit’s family is here. This is kind of hard to see now.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Lita

Victoria is champion and is looking good here. Lita tries to speed things up to start but gets thrown to the mat with a kind of armdrag. They both tumble out to the floor which goes nowhere. A bad looking backslide gets two for Victoria. They do a pinfall reversal sequence which goes nowhere. Victoria slams her down and hits her dancing moonsault for two followed by a chinlock. A floatover snap suplex gets two for the champ.

This has been a really slow paced and dull match so far. A surfboard goes on and Lita is in even more trouble. The spinning side slam is countered and Lita knocks her down with some clotheslines. Lita hooks a hurricanrana and then puts on a sleeper which transitions into a kind of triangle choke. That gets escaped pretty easily and the spinning side slam gets two. Victoria’s moonsault misses (as in Lita rolled too slowly and the arms hit her) but the Twist of Fate is countered and a small package retains the title.

Rating: F+. This was one of the worst matches I can remember with the girls in a long time. It was REALLY slow paced and the botches were noticeably bad. The division was in big need of something fresh, which is why we got Lita vs. Trish again, as both of them were just awesome at what they did. Horrible match.

Gail and Molly beat down the other girls post match.

We recap Orton vs. Foley. The idea here is that Orton is young and awesome and Foley is old and not so awesome. Orton was the Legend Killer and Orton wanted to take him out to prove that it was his time now. Foley didn’t want to fight and walked away for months, before returning at the Rumble to destroy Orton. Evolution helped Orton out so Foley brought in The Rock to even things up a bit. Evolution won at Wrestlemania so now Foley wants a rematch on his terms: hardcore. Foley says that hardcore is about doing it for the fans, but there’s a tiny part of him that enjoys this. He’s going to love what he does to Orton tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Cactus Jack vs. Randy Orton

Hardcore of course. Foley comes out as Mick Foley and has the Mankind music, but screw that. He’s in Cactus Jack attire and this is a hardcore match. He has the barbed wire ball bat called Barbie with him. Orton holds up a trashcan to defend himself but Foley knocks it out of his hands with the bat. They go to the floor and there goes a cameraman. Orton drop toeholds him into the steps and gets the bat but they fight over it.

Orton gets kicked away but he finds a trashcan from somewhere and cleans Mick’s clock with it. Mick shrugs that off and BLASTS Orton with it. Back in the ring and Foley hits the running knee lift followed by a legdrop for two. Back to the floor again and Jack hits a swinging neckbreaker but Orton moves before the middle rope elbow can be used. Randy, who is still in his t-shirt, tries to walk away but Foley chases after him. A belly to back suplex by the champion gets two on the ramp, as does a backslide.

Randy slams Jack’s head into the ramp with a THUD for two. Back in the ring (I’ve been saying variations of that a lot tonight) and Orton tries to drive Barbie into Jack’s face, but Cactus counters with a low blow. Here’s Socko but Foley isn’t sure whether to use that or Barbie. He takes the sock off and Barbie connects with Orton’s head. Blood is literally flowing down Orton’s face. Another shot hits Orton’s head and Foley is in complete control.

Mick pounds Orton down in the corner and hits the running knee to the face. Back to Barbie as Mick has that look in his eyes. Now he just drives the bat into Orton’s face and there goes the t-shirt. Foley puts the bat between Orton’s legs and drops a leg on it which is just painful in a lot of ways. Mick goes to the floor and pulls out…..oh geez he pulls out a gas can and a lighter.

He covers Barbie in gas but here’s Bischoff to say do that and the show ends here. Foley throws it down and for the life of me I have never gotten what the point of that sequence was unless it was somehow legit. Either way, Foley throws it down and finds a whole board covered in barbed wire. He knocks Orton near it but Orton comes back with a slam onto the board, drawing a LOUD holy chant from the fans.

The board gets placed in the corner and after some nice reversals on the Irish whip, Foley goes into it face first. With Jack down in the ropes, Orton shoves the board down onto him in a simple but good move. Orton finds a bag full of thumbtacks. The RKO onto them is countered and the look on Orton’s face when his back hits the tacks is PERFECT. A rollup gets two for Foley as Orton goes to look for medical attention. Jack will have none of that and they go up the ramp.

They head backstage but come back before we can get a camera back there. Foley throws him off the stage and through a bunch of tables. Since it’s Cactus Jack, you know he’s gonna drop the elbow onto Orton on top of that. After the referees seem ready to stop it, Foley drills them both and there’s the elbow. Mick is a bit too dead to cover though so after the delay, Orton SOMEHOW kicks out.

Back to the ring and Orton looks completely out of it. Double Arm DDT gets two and Foley isn’t sure what else he can do to pull this off. Orton goes to the floor while Foley puts the barbed wire board up in the corner. While he’s doing that though Orton gets Barbie from somewhere and lays in a few shots on Cactus. Foley finds Socko and grabs the Claw to stop a big shot to the head with Barbie. A low blow gets Orton out of the hold and the RKO puts Foley down but it only gets two. Another RKO onto Barbie FINALLY gets the pin.

Rating: A. It’s not quite as good as the match with Edge but DANG this was great. Orton is now a made man as he somehow not only survived this but he won it. Up to this point he was a pretty boy, much like HHH vs. Jack in 2000 at the Rumble. That seems to be what they were going for here and for the most part I’d certainly say it worked. Foley would go away for awhile while Orton feuded with Edge and then won the title in the fall. Great match here and Orton looked great during the whole thing.

HHH says that Orton has become a legend rather than a legend killer. Also Benoit won’t get lucky again tonight and HHH will get his title back.

La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey

This is what we call a filler match to bring the crowd back down. It isn’t even for a title. Conway and Hurricane start and the crowd goes almost completely silent. A headscissors takes Conway down and it’s off to Rosey. That’s really only so he can throw at Conway and it’s back to the storm guy.

Conway hits a swinging neckbreaker and powerslam before tagging in Grenier. Grenier puts on a powerslam and here’s Eugene. Hurricane tags Rosey as Eugene plays with the flags. Rosey misses a corner splash but Hurricane dives on both French dudes on the floor. Eugene runs the ropes but does nothing else. Eye of the Huricane gets the pin on Grenier.

Rating: D+. The match could have and probably should have been on Raw, but dang I always feel sorry for the people in this match. They know no one is really interested in seeing them out there but they have to go out and work a match anyway, which no one wants to see and that no one is going to talk about, but they do it anyway. This was fine and Eugene didn’t add or subtract anything.

We recap Edge vs. Kane. Edge is back from neck surgery and needs an opponent, so he gets Kane, end of recap.

Edge vs. Kane

Edge has a broken wrist or arm or something too. Edge fires off a right hand (the good hand) for no effect. He gets Kane into the corner as JR is talking about football for some reason. Middle rope clothesline looks to set up the spear but Kane heads to the outside. Kane finally wakes up and rams the bad arm and hand into the steps to take over.

Back in and he hammers on the hand some more as the fans chant that Hebner screwed Bret for the millionth time in this match alone. Lawler amuses himself by singing the Mountie’s song Sidewalk slam sets up a missed elbow and Edge comes back with a spinwheel kick. He takes Kane down again but Kane sits up. The referee is sent to the floor so a cast shot to the head and a spear get the pin.

Rating: D-. What a horribly uninteresting match. Edge didn’t get out of the funk that he was in for the better part of a year and Kane had to marry Lita to get anything going. I didn’t like this at all and I don’t think many other people did either. Let’s go with this: Tajiri vs. Coach was a much more entertaining match. Let that sink in for a minute.

We recap the main event, which is just a rematch from Wrestlemania but here in Benoit’s hometown. It should be entertaining at least and there isn’t much else to say.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit’s pop is INSANE. He puts the title in both of their faces during his entrance which is a nice touch. The champ goes after HHH to start and doesn’t want Shawn to get any of the Game for some reason. HHH is sent to the floor so Shawn and Benoit can chop it out. The Game comes back in and hits the flying knee to Shawn. Benoit is thrown to the floor and it’s the DX explosion. After a quick fight they knock Benoit back to the floor, drawing a ton of booing.

Benoit comes back in and hits Germans on both guys. Jerry says it’s hard to see who is doing what to who. No not really King, not really. Shawn gets flipped in the corner and out to the floor to get it back down to two. HHH jumps into the Crossface but Benoit lets it go to stop Shawn. Shawn’s back is rammed into the barricade twice to keep him down on the outside. Benoit goes up but HHH punches him in the jaw to slow him down.

HHH loads up a superplex but Shawn makes the save. Benoit literally falls off the top rope all the way to the floor. That’s a much scarier sight given what we know now. Shawn drops HHH in an electric chair for two. HHH comes back with a facebuster and Benoit’s Swan Dive gets two on HBK. The Game goes to the floor and Shawn’s forearm takes out the referee. Shawn goes to the floor now so we get both a Pedigree and Sharpshooter counter. The second attempt at the Sharpshooter works on HHH but Shawn makes the save. His save is countered into the Crossface but there’s no referee, so we better let go of the hold right?

Now Shawn puts the Sharpshooter on Benoit and Earl Hebner comes out to be the second referee. Ha Ha Ha it’s like Montreal yes WE GET IT ALREADY! Shawn swings at Benoit but gets caught in the Crossface again, only to have it broken up by HHH. A HHH DDT gets two on the champion. Benoit throws him over the corner and it’s back to HBK vs. Benoit. Chris gets thrown to the floor, landing on top of HHH.

Shawn tries to dive on the both of them but crashes through the table in a good explosion. Back in the ring Benoit’s shoulder goes hard into the post and then it does it a second time. Instead of going after the arm, the Cerebral Assassin puts on a camel clutch. The fans FINALLY drop the Bret stuff and chant for Benoit. HHH pounds away in the corner but gets caught in snake eyes to put him down.

It’s basically a one on one match at the moment. Benoit ducks a right hand and puts on Rolling Germans. The Swan Dive misses and there’s a Pedigree but HHH’s cover takes awhile, allowing Shawn to come back from the dead for the save. With Benoit down, Shawn hits the forearm to put HHH down. The top rope elbow hits but again Shawn can’t cover. Shawn loads up the superkick but instead kicks Benoit off the apron to make him PURE EVIL in Canada.

HHH hits a low blow for two on Shawn and everyone is down. Pedigree is countered by a backdrop to the floor but the fans won’t cheer Shawn period. HHH comes back in with the sledgehammer, drilling it right into Shawn’s back. HHH sets for another hammer shot to Shawn but Benoit makes the save, only to get sent into the steps. The Game sets for a Pedigree onto the steps but Benoit counters with a slingshot to send that nose into the post. Back in, Chin Music is countered into the Sharpshooter and after a LONG time, it’s finally over with Benoit retaining by submission.

Rating: B+. I really couldn’t get into this one as much as the other one. There was a lot more laying around this time, but this was a different kind of match. This was all about having a Benoit showcase instead of having a masterpiece. Considering the situations here, it’s hard to argue with them going that route. It worked well enough here though and it was a great match.

Overall Rating: B. With two very good to great matches here, the rest of the stuff can be overlooked. This was a very Canadian heavy show which is the right idea as, you know, it was in Canada. Unfortunately Benoit would fall through the floor after this because HHH and Shawn decided to completely dominate the show for the summer, having a 55 minute match at Bad Blood. You know, because that’s what people are begging for here clearly. This was a show with great parts, rather than a great show if that makes sense, but it’s still good.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Taboo Tuesday 2004
Date: October 19, 2004
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well here we are. It’s Raw only here so of course HHH is world champion. His opponent tonight is one of the options: Benoit, Edge or HBK, with the losers getting a tag title shot. The other main event is Flair vs. Orton where it’s either a cage, submissions or falls count anywhere. Flair here goes 12 years between main eventing PPVs which is an impressive feat. Other than that this is a fairly weak time for the company as we’re waiting on Cena and Batista to break through the ceiling but that wouldn’t be for another 7 months or so. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the fans getting to pick things tonight and the wrestlers having next to no control of any of this. This should have always been a three hour Raw supershow instead of on PPV.

The arena is like EMPTY, with the upper half and even middle deck mostly tarped off.

Coach is MC tonight and we’re ready to go. We start with picking what the Divas will wear in the Fulfill Your Fantasy Battle Royal. They’re standing on a huge keyboard which is a nice touch. The options are nurses, French maids or schoolgirls.

Nurses – 17%
Maids – 30%
Schoolgirls – 53%

That’s for later though. The first match we’re going to see is for the IC Title. The winner gets Jericho and I’m not listing 15 people and 15 percentages. Ten of them are bottom of the card guys (Rodney Mack, Rosey etc). We’ll go with the top 3 instead. Coach lists off all 15 just to fill in time. Val Venis was supposed to be in this but was injured so Coach is in it instead.

Shelton Benjamin – 37%
Batista – 20%
Coach – 7%

According to Wiki, the next closest was Christian, but this was a total landslide.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Jericho

This was just after Shelton had come to Raw and beaten HHH in three matches but got hurt. This is his big return. Jericho gets backdropped over the top and might have hurt his back. He was in a big funk at this point as he had no direction whatsoever. He also had the medium length hair and it looked horrible. Running enziguri gets two and the Canadian takes over.

He works on the back as there’s not a lot of direction to this at all. The crowd being painfully small isn’t helping much either, but that could have something to do with the show being on a Tuesday night. Both guys work on the others’ back with Jericho hitting a backbreaker and Benjamin hitting a top rope suplex. I love the Dragon Whip. Lawler suggests that if the bookers had anything to do with it then this match may never have happened.

Lionsault misses but he actually crashes on it in a thing I’m not used to doing. Shelton hits a nice diving clothesline off the top but the Stinger Splash misses. This is getting better but the crowd doesn’t seem to care. Lionsault hits this time but of course it only gets two. Jericho goes up but jumps into the T-Bone to give Shelton the title. Ross and Lawler seem to be the most excited though. So much for that idea. Is there anyone Jericho won’t put over? Shelton would hold the title until June which is the longest title reign since Rock in 97.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here as Jericho wasn’t prepared for Shelton so he had to do his usual stuff which didn’t work because Shelton knew what to prepare for. The crowd is pretty weak here and it’s not a good sign for the rest of the show. This was a good push for Shelton, even though nothing really ever came of it as he has more untapped potential than anyone in a long time.

Edge says he should get the shot because it’s fair.

Benoit says he’s tired of HHH and Evolution and he’ll stop them.

Shawn says he’ll give whatever he has left if picked.

Benoit – 28%
Shawn – 39%
Edge – 33%

They announce Shawn as the winner before they show the results. This means Edge and Benoit vs. La Resistance too.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Nidia vs. Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly vs. Victoria vs. Stacy Keibler

This is the schoolgirl battle royal and yes Trish is defending the title in a battle royal. She’s ticked and a heel here. Jazz isn’t someone I want to see dressed like this. Why can’t Lillian be in this? I’ve never been sure if Nidia is hot or not. Gail looks good too. She never meant a freaking thing after her debut though. Molly is growing her hair back after having it shaved at I think Mania. Victoria (Tara) looks great like this. Stacy is perfect for it with the legs.

It’s not over the top either. The crowd is more into this than the first match. Nidia’s top falls off and she gets knocked out. Jazz is hanging on to the bottom rope and Victoria accidentally hits her with a baseball slide to put her out. Gail is out. There isn’t much to say here at all. Stacy gets the biggest pop of the night for doing a Nash leg choke on Victoria.

This is mainly just a way for Lawler to freak over underwear shots. Molly and Trish get rid of Victoria, leaving the two of them and Stacy. This is boring as all goodness. Stacy is supposed to be the big face here and she makes a bit of a comeback but Molly puts her out easily. Trish is almost out earlier but holds on and sneaks up on Molly to put her out and retain.

Rating: D-. This was bad on all levels. I’ve never gotten the appeal of the schoolgirl thing and this was no exception. Nothing came from this at all but at least it was quick. It was boring as tar on top of that too so there we are. At least it’s over.

La Resistance says they don’t think it’s fair to have to fight a team they don’t know of until just now.

We recap Kane vs. Snitsky. The idea here is that Kane got his wife Lita pregnant and then he had a match with a guy named Snitsky who knocked Kane onto Lita and made her lose her baby. This is a weapon of choice match. The video also shows Kane in regular clothes, which is very weird. This also led to the it wasn’t my fault line from Kane.

The choices are chain, chair and pipe.

Lead Pipe – 29%
Chair – 30%
Chain – 41%

That’s very surprising as the pipe had been an important thing in the angle. Also….a chain?

Kane vs. Gene Snitsky

Lita comes down and the chain is huge. It’s something you could have a strap match with if it was a strap. Lita is here and is just gorgeous. When her hair was straight she looked epic. Kane has control here which makes me think this sounds like a game show or something. Snitsky takes over and beats the heck out of him with the chain.

This is the only thing that Snitsky ever really meant which isn’t saying much. It was an ok angle but at the same time it never really went much of anywhere. It’s amazing to think that Kane is the World Heavyweight Champion at the moment. I’m glad to be able to say that too. Ross says that Kane is fighting for air. I wonder if Lita told him to come but he was already there.

Kane makes his comeback but walks into a sideslam. He pulls a Taker and sits up which is one of his signature moves now too. Snitsky is dominating but Lawler says that it’s even for some reason. This is going WAY too long here as we’re already at about ten minutes and there’s no sign of it ending anytime soon. Gene, which is a great name for him for some reason, grabs a chair and hits Kane in the throat with it, somehow not getting disqualified.

Three straight shots to the neck/throat with it and Kane is just about dead. Snitsky actually Pillmanizes Kane’s neck and throat which is a spot you don’t see that often. He starts spitting up “blood” in a good visual and the referee calls it. Snitsky wants a pin anyway and makes the referee count it. How did this guy never get a monster push? Oh that’s right: HHH didn’t want to lose the world title.

Rating: D. WAY too long here as it ran nearly 15 minutes which is the second longest match of the night. The dominance looked great but at the same time this needed to be cut in half for it to be an actual good match. The time is the real problem here along with a lack of the chain. I think they expected the chair to win which explained the ending. Snitsky looked great though.

Kane does a long stretcher job to leave. I don’t think this really led anywhere. Snitsky jumps him afterwards.

Edge whines about getting a tag title shot which he’s held a ton of times.

Bischoff vs. his nephew Eugene is next with the loser having something done to them. We don’t find out the winner until after the match apparently.

Eric Bischoff vs. Eugene

Bischoff is Eugene’s uncle for your explanation. Eric uses the power of martial arts to start which makes sense to anyone who follows tournament karate, according to Tony Schiavone. He feigns injury and kicks Eugene in the head. It’s Hulk Up time and there’s an airplane spin. The big boot and legdrop ends this.

Rating: N/A. Good night Eugene was over at this point. Even I loved him.

Loser Wears a Dress 21%
Loser is the Winner’s Servant 20%
Loser is Shaved Bald 59%

Oh dear. This would be the end of Bischoff’s black hair. Coach tries to talk Eugene into accepting the servant thing for five minutes. And here’s Vince, apparently interested about something. Man Nick Dinsmore played that character to perfection. Vince says that the crowd has spoken so the shaving is happening.

Eugene does the cutting and Bischoff’s face is great. Coach gets put in the dress for no apparent reason. Vince tells him to take his shirt and pants off. I honestly wonder how many other men he’s said that too over the years. The mannequin the dress was on has balls. Vince: “Button that dress up! Don’t be a sl**!” Vince sees the gray roots of the hair and has a field day with it. He totally steals the show here and it’s great.

Raw Tag Titles: Chris Benoit/Edge vs. La Resistance

This is Conway and Grenier for you La Resistance fan out there. Grenier sings the Canadian national anthem in French to waste a ton of time. Benoit’s music finally kicks on to break up the “singing”. This is right around the time of Edge’s real heel turn and he was really getting good at it. He jumps Conway to start and there is no combination that the champions could use to have an advantage here.

I love that snap suplex from Benoit. That’s always so awesome looking. The crowd is, amazingly enough, dead for the most part here. Edge goes out in front of the barrier to argue with some fan that must have said something evil. I think he might not like Edge but I’m not entirely sure.

This crowd is DEAD. They aren’t moving at all and are barely making any noise at all. It’s like they’re working in front of a ghost town. Benoit has barely been in there at all but unless they pop like crazy for him, this match can more or less be considered a failure in the crowd’s eyes. Benoit comes in to about as great of a roar as the opposing team’s mascot would get.

King thinks the most important thing to the champions is to retain their titles. You can’t buy experience and analysis like that people! A depressing let’s go Benoit chant starts up and dies even faster. The referee doesn’t see the tag to Edge so it isn’t allowed. I love classic things like that. And there goes Edge as he leaves Benoit alone. Well alone with three other guys that is.

In the back Edge gets his bag and leaves. Back in the arena, Benoit hits a top rope suplex but can’t cover. Benoit reverses their finisher (Au Revoir) and shoves Grenier to the floor before locking in the Crossface on Conway for the tap out and the titles. Why look at this: champions that aren’t a real team that hate each other. NEW IDEAS RULE!

Rating: D+. This was like 17 minutes long and NOTHING happened. This was supposed to be big because of Benoit doing it on his own but when he’s on his own for like 3 minutes and the champions dominate for the rest of the time, it’s not a good match but rather just boring. This wasn’t good at all.

HHH is mad because he can’t have any strategy. He also doesn’t believe Shawn’s knee is really hurt. That made me smile as I typed it. We then get clips of Shawn’s knee being hurt last night. King thinks he’s faking.

We recap Christy vs. Carmella. The Christy is Christy Hemme and Camella was also in Playboy. They argue over what kind of “match” to have. The options are aerobics challenge, lingerie pillow fight and bra and panties. Also in the Diva Search that they were the finalists of were Michelle McCool and Maria plus two other girls that also made it to WWE.

Coach is still in his dress for this. Lingerie gets over half the vote. There are semi-see through screens for them to change in. Christy more or less strips and Carmella won’t get near the screen. They take forever and a day to get dressed and the whole thing is just stupid. GET ON WITH IT. They’ve spent like 8 minutes getting ready. Finally.

Christy vs. Carmella

Carmella has some plastic in her top in and Christy rips it out. The feathers get unleashed and this is just idiotic. They roll over top of each other and Christy gets a pin less than two minutes in. Move on now.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

This HAS to be good right? Remember that Shawn has a bad left knee. Lawler doesn’t think Shawn is hurt and Ross goes OFF on him, asking if Lawler can think about anything but puppies for one second and acknowledge that the man is hurt. HHH goes to the knee and takes complete control. It’s all HHH here as he just works the knee as much as he can.

We bust out the figure four and Shawn is in trouble. HHH even puts it on the right leg, as in the correct one since it’s Shawn’s left knee that is hurt. He begs the referee not to ring the bell and pulls him down when he tries to. Shawn FINALLY gets the ropes and his knee is pretty much destroyed. And of course Shawn can stand on the knee, but at least he’s not standing straight up. He’s selling it but not as well as he could have.

So of course Shawn uses atomic drops on the bad knee. I get that it hurts him, but how could he be able to stand up? This is what gets on my nerves when they use the HEART justification to explain this. It’s cool once in awhile but when the guy does it for like ten minutes it’s just idiotic. He gets a low blow and a DDT (which is more or less the generic big move for everyone) to set up a top rope elbow.

Yeah my head is hurting again. The fans get into the show for the first time in over two hours as Sweet Chin Music is set up. And here’s Batista for the interference but the kick connects! Edge pops up to spear Shawn and kick off their feud which ran until I think the Rumble. That gets the pin for the Game.

Rating: B. This was a good match, but the selling by Shawn was questionable here. It was like the more HHH beat on the knee the stronger it got, which makes absolutely no sense but whatever. This was solid as you would expect from these two, but seeing HHH use simple psychology (HBK has a bad knee, HHH goes after it the whole time) is a weird thing as these two usually hit 2-3 finishers each to end it. Good match, but nothing is going to save this card at this point.

Bischoff is mostly bald and isn’t happy about it.

We recap the night which takes up like 5 minutes because we have nothing but the main event left to go.

Flair says Orton will never be a legend until he beats him. Orton couldn’t get a title shot while HHH was champion. I kept telling people I wanted an Orton face run and now look where he is. Flair was showing signs of a face turn which never came.

The final vote is for the stipulation here.

Falls Count Anywhere – 20%
Submission – 12%
Steel Cage – 68%

Randy Orton vs. Ric Flair

It’s weird seeing Orton’s arms. Orton used right and left hands back then which is a cool sight actually. Not many people do that and the only other two that I can think of are Sting and Shawn, so if nothing else he’s in good company. Flair goes low a few minutes in and we hit the no rules part of this. Orton is busted and it’s fairly bad.

We talk about politics for some reason as it’s all Flair. Orton comes back and we see Flair’s trunks pulled down for no apparent reason. Is that a running joke in wrestling or something? Flair gets another low blow which is the smart thing to do here as it’s perfectly legal so why not do it? Flair is busted open too. While he’s up against the cage, Orton dropkicks him into it. That was different.

Orton hits a top rope cross body in a nice nod to Flair’s original Starrcade world title win. Flair tries to escape which doesn’t work. Brass knuckles to Orton gets two. Why is he hiding them in a no holds barred match? Instinct of a great heel if nothing else. The old dude gets a chair in the cage somehow but misses and RKO ends it. I love that move and it was awesome back then too as he didn’t jump as high so it was like a Diamond Cutter. They shake hands to end the show.

Rating: B-. Not bad but this was wasn’t anything that special. Flair was game here though and showed that he could still pull off a decent match when he had to. It’s saying something else that they gave him the main event spot. Orton was awesome at this point so of course they turned him heel and then sent him to Smackdown so he wouldn’t get too over. But remember, HHH NEVER played politics at all. Never. Not him. Nope.

Overall Rating: F+. Oh this was BAD. There was nothing at all worth watching on this and almost nothing worth even talking about. Shelton winning his first title could have been on Raw….much like the rest of this freaking show. This show just didn’t work as the angles went nowhere after this because it was more or less a bunch of one off matches. Terrible show and not even worth watching for the novelty.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Judgment Day 2003
Date: May 18, 2003
Location: Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

 

We continue this series with another show that wasn’t all that good. 2003 was like the year of death for Raw as everything was completely dull with HHH gobbling up everything in sight and having terrible feud after terrible feud. Tonight he has Kevin Nash and would face him again in the Cell the next month. Also tonight it’s Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper and Brock vs. Show for the title. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about being hung and facing your judgment day which is very similar to the one from last year. There’s an electric chair in this one though so it’s very different.

 

Little note: this is the final joint branded show before the lower level shows went to individual brands.

 

Here’s Austin, the co-GM of Raw, to open the show. He says there are a lot of good fans here so he’s going to sit in the stands with the fans….in a skybox. He goes through the crowd to get there at least so that helps somewhat.

 

John Cena/FBI vs. Chris Benoit/Spanky/Rhyno

 

Cena is a heel rapper here and he does a rap about mafia movies. The FBI here is Palumbo/Stambolli. Who put that face team together too? Benoit had a mini feud with the FBI for no apparent reason and they interfered in Benoit vs. Cena on Smackdown. Spanky and Rhyno are Benoit’s friends apparently. Works well enough I suppose. Spanky is Brian Kendrick if you’ve never heard that name.

 

The faces clear the ring so Benoit and Rhyno make a launching pad so that Spanky can take them all out on the floor. Cena vs. Spanky to start us off. Enziguri puts Cena down and everything breaks down quickly. Cole calls himself a shoe lace for some reason. Apparently the FBI has a hit list and they’ve taken out various big names. Palumbo comes in as Spanky is getting destroyed here so far.

 

Bear hug goes on by Chucky who apparently has stopped deciding to be effeminate and is all tough and Italian now. He lets the hold go just because and gets two anyway. And now he puts it right back on again. Sure why not. Spanky hammers his way out of it and it’s off to Benoit vs. Cena.

 

Everything breaks down and it’s Germans for the Italians from the Canadian. Swan Dive to Palumbo and it’s a blind tag from Spanky. He tries Sliced Bread #2 on Palumbo but Nunzio interferes and the Kiss of Death (Demolition Decapitator but with a leg drop instead of an elbow) ends this. Benoit had Cena in the Crossface at the same time.

 

Rating: D. Dude, a four minute opener in a six man tag? Rhyno was never even in the match legally. This wasn’t much at all and really had no point being on this show. That was a telling sign of what was to come with the whole brand split show as there simply weren’t going to be enough matches to fill out a card. This was something that would hint at that.

 

Austin buys a hot dog and the cute girl offers some ketchup. Austin inquires about a burger but here comes Bischoff to solid heat. They’re co-GMs so Eric says half of this is his, including the food. There are crates of beer against the wall. Austin offers him the hot dog he was about to eat and Bischoff skeptically eats it. I’m sure the fans are riveted by this. Bischoff wants Scotch but gets a beer instead. He wants it in a cup which Austin doesn’t like. Naturally, Austin crushes the cup with his can. This SO needed to be on PPV.

 

We recap the debut of La Resistance who started a feud with Scott Steiner over the whole Iraq War and the lack of support from French troops, which is what created Freedom Fries which was so stupid I can’t fathom it. Stacy was dating Test at the time and got him and Steiner together as a bad team to fight them, which led to an awful feud.

 

Test/Scott Steiner vs. La Resistance

 

And you get to pay to see it! Test is a heel here while Steiner is all about AMERICA! La Resistance looks rather stupid but whatever. The French guys say they’re innocent in all this and that the American government promotes hatred. I’ll spare you all a long political rant here. Stacy likes Steiner but Test is insanely jealous. This of course would turn into Steiner “winning” her and turning heel.

 

Test and Dupree start us off and they slap it out while Rene dances. Resistance is Rene Dupree and Sylvan Grenier if the names are confusing you. Off to Steiner and it’s incredibly telling to see how far he’s fallen since having the world title match at the Rumble. Steiner uses the power of AMERICA to take over. Grenier is sent to the floor but Steiner walks into a hot shot to shift the momentum.

 

Double suplex gets two on Steiner and we hit the chinlock. Middle rope clothesline gets two for Grenier and it’s off to Dupree. He comes off the top and jumps into a T-Bone suplex and both guys are down. Off to Test again and some rooms are cleaned. Pumphandle doesn’t work but the full nelson slam gets two. Steiner gets sent into the barrier and Test steals a beret.

 

Grenier gets two with feet on the ropes and it’s a double team. Steiner is back in now and here comes the pumphandle from Test. The slam hits and there’s no referee. Grenier gets a dropkick which knocks Test into Stacy who is caught by Steiner. Rollup gets two for Grenier and Steiner makes a blind tag. Downward spiral gets no cover as Test accidentally kicks Scott’s head off. A double spinebuster beats Steiner.

 

Rating: D. Why in the world is this, ANOTHER TV match on PPV? This is one of those matches that went nowhere as the people didn’t care in the slightest and everyone knew it. The French guys were the tag team of note for a few years and then they just went away and no one really cared. Weak match, as expected.

 

Stacy wants to check on Scott but Test drags her away. This story went on for months.

 

Mr. America is walking around and runs into Gregory Helms, ace reporter. The joke is that everyone and their mother knows it’s Hogan but he keeps saying I’m not Hogan. Helms accuses him of being Hogan and Mr. America accuses him of being the Hurricane. Both say they’re wrong. We do get Hogan to say whatsupwitdat?

 

Team Angle has given Eddie an offer of have a handicap match or forfeit the match since Chavo is injured. Eddie says a lot to Josh Matthews (in glasses) in Spanish and says he’s found a partner. It’s Tajiri and they have the gold medals for some reason. Tajiri says he lies, he cheats and he steals. This one is for Chavo.

 

Smackdown Tag Titles: Team Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri

 

Team Angle (Haas and Benjamin) are champions here. The brawl starts in the aisle as this should be rather good. Benjamin throws Eddie into a ladder and Tajiri takes his medal off. Team Angle beats Tajiri down with Eddie having been slammed into the ladder earlier. Ah there’s Eddie. And so much for that as he gets dropped on Haas’ knee to take care of that. Apparently Team Angle not knowing where a ladder is makes them inexperienced.

 

Tajiri and Eddie botch the heck out of something as they drop Tajiri onto the floor instead of a ladder. That looked awful. A handspring elbow by Tajiri to the ladder takes it and the champions down. Ladder goes into Charlie’s balls and the look on his face is priceless. Another ladder comes into the ring and Haas gets sandwiched between them as Eddie hits the hilo onto the ladder onto Charlie onto the ladder.

 

Shelton pulls Tajiri off the ladder and Tajiri’s face hits the rung on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Shelton powerslams Eddie into the ladder and the challengers are in trouble. This is one of those matches where there are just spots happening with very little going on in between. Not bad but kind of tiring. Team Angle does that jump on the back thing but from a ladder onto the ladder with Tajiri in between. That was awesome looking.

 

Haas almost gets up there but Eddie pops up to send Haas flying to the floor. The ladder gets wedged between the top and middle rope and Eddie is sent flying into it. Time for the Tajiri kicks and a ladder shot. Tarantula goes onto Haas which gets a big pop. Shelton saves his partner by driving the ladder into the head of the Japanese man. The champions take over again with Eddie in trouble.

 

The idea here is supposed to be that Team Angle doesn’t know how to win a ladder match due to inexperience. The problem with that is simple: you climb the stupid thing. That’s how you win. See the belts? Go get them! How hard is that? Eddie goes up but Charlie keeps slowing him down.

 

Shelton goes after him too but Eddie knocks him down and drops a Frog Splash on him in a cool spot. Eddie vs. Charlie on top of the ladder and Charlie takes a sunset bomb to the mat. Always loved that move. Tajiri is finally back and his Mists Shelton to let Eddie grab the belts as we have new champions.

 

Rating: B-. This was good but the problem is that we’ve seen all this before. The MITB match coming up would make everything else done not called TLC seem weak. This was a good match and belonged on the PPV but it feels pretty worthless all things considered now. Good match, nothing we haven’t seen before though.

 

Bischoff and Austin argue about who should try to sign Eddie. Bischoff doesn’t want a burger or another beer. Austin doesn’t like the way Eric sips his beer so he opens the skybox and makes fun of the way Eric drinks his beer. He says the match was awesome too which is pretty true. The fans make fun of Eric too and this is pretty stupid.

 

Jericho says he’s going to be IC Champion again and Roddy Piper pops up. Jericho says he’s old, Piper makes fun of the Highlight Reel. Chris says Piper is fat and Piper makes unfunny jokes. Yep this is pointless.

 

We recap the history of the IC Title which is coming back tonight. The title had been unified with the world title because someone thought we needed one champion per show for no apparent reason so they dropped the midcard titles. It comes back tonight and the US Title would be back in June. Tonight we’re going to have a battle royal of only former champions plus Booker T who was rather confusing. This is an awesome video which shows some great moments in the title’s history which really does have a long history.

 

Intercontinental Title: Battle Royal

 

Val Venis (returning here after being Chief Morely for awhile), Chris Jericho, Goldust, Lance Storm, Rob Van Dam, Christian, Test (pulling a double tonight), Kane, Booker T (not a former champion yet in this anyway)

 

Pat Patterson handles the introductions. Only 9 people in this which is a rather odd number. Standard over the top rules here. Kane and RVD, the Raw tag champions, go at it immediately. Everyone gangs up on Kane and he’s like boys please and tosses Storm. RVD takes the knee out and it’s another pile on Kane. This time they get him out so we’re down to seven.

 

Kane comes back in to beat them up for fun. Booker puts Test out and Goldust throws out Val. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to put Van Dam out so it’s down to Goldust, Jericho, Booker and Christian. Goldie cleans house for a bit but the Canadians come back to take over. Goldust comes back and bulldogs both Canadians. This is getting boring in a hurry.

 

With the help of Booker, both Canadians gets Shattered Dreams. There’s the Spinarooni but Goldust lunges at him, only to get tossed as well. It’s down to Booker vs. Christian vs. Jericho. The fans are all behind Booker here. This isn’t his year though as he was beaten by a racist heel at Mania (People “like Booker” don’t win world titles. What do you think that was implying?) and gets double teamed here.

 

Booker fights them off for a bit and Jericho skins the cat. Down goes Booker again as the words GET ON WITH THIS play over and over in my head. Jericho is bleeding from the nose. Jericho sets for the Lionsault and Christian shoves him out! I love double crosses. Booker beats on him for awhile and a referee somehow is knocked down. Christian hit a baseball slide into him if you’re curious.

 

Yes, it’s going to be a Dusty Finish in a battle royal. Scissors kick misses and Christian goes to the apron. Booker sends him into the buckle and wins this. The music plays and Christian steals the belt from Patterson. A belt shot to the head and a toss out later and it’s Christian that officially wins the title. Booker would get it back about two months later. Everyone hates this mind you. Yes, a Dusty Finish in a battle royal. I told you this era was weak.

 

Rating: D+. Another boring match tonight which is a theme here. Was there a point to this being a battle royal other than not wanting to have two tournaments going at once? For some reason they were afraid to give Booker anything even though he was on a roll and was over at this point. That’s Vince for you though. Weak match with a bad ending.

 

Sable tells Torrie not to be nervous. They have a bikini contest next. They were doing this weird lesbian angle here and it didn’t go anywhere really. Sable oils her legs to try to make Torrie want her and it goes nowhere.

 

We recap this….whatever which is set to bad music. There was a body contest where Torrie more or less gave her a lapdance. Hot, but pointless for the most part.

 

They do that silhouette dance behind the curtain thing while Lillian does the theme music of Torrie. It’s live for once and it’s her gyrating with Torrie so I can’t complain. I’m not sure what to say here. They’re both hot, Sable looks better, the fans cheer for her, but before she’s declared the winner Torrie takes her bikini off to reveal a much smaller one, making her the winner. Torrie kisses her post contest. This was a waste of 10 minutes. They’ve both been in Playboy so I kind of fail to see the point of something like this. Lawler’s reaction is hilarious.

 

Bischoff says he has a condom in his wallet. He’s half drunk and half sick from the food. Austin offers him a pizza and Bischoff can barely move. Instead he gives him some “pickles”, more commonly known as peppers and Eric is in agony.

 

Piper talks to O’Haire and Vince comes in. Vince gives Piper a pep talk and wants him to destroy Mr. America so that Vince can rip the mask off.

 

We get a clip of Smackdown where Mr. America gave a “fan” (Zach Gowen) an American flag and the kid jumped the barrier to stop them from unmasking Hogan, only to discover that he has one leg.

 

Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper

 

Get this over with. FAST. Sean O’Haire is with Piper here and Gowen is with Hogan. The joke is an old one here but still kind of funny. Piper, in regular trunks, jumps Hogan along with O’Haire to take over early. O’Haire, in wrestling gear for no apparent reason, hammers away on Hogan a bit too. Here comes Mr. America with the “24 inch Patriots” and the beating is on.

 

Out to the floor and Hogan chokes O’Haire with the weight belt. Hogan whips Piper with it a bit as we haven’t had a single wrestling move other than a punch or whip in this whole thing. Sleeper goes on and it’s AWFUL. Piper is almost poking him in the eyes. Hogan fights that off and gets taken down by an axe handle to the back. American hammers away again and it’s Vince to the rescue! Low blow by Piper but a pipe shot from O’Haire hits Piper and the leg drop ends it. Gowen kept Vince from saving it.

 

Rating: F+. Why in the world is Roddy Piper in trunks in a featured match on PPV in 2003? Hogan….eh I guess you can stretch to let that be here, but put him against O’Haire and let HIM get the rub. He was a cool character and he gets fed to Hogan instead of growing a bit. That’s the criticism you get for Hogan and at times it makes sense. Granted this one isn’t Hogan’s fault, but it’s the stereotype of him. This one is on the company though.

 

Stephanie tells HHH to be careful. That’s all there is to this meeting.

 

We recap HHH vs. Nash. Nash was back for the 10^th time and naturally he’s #1 contender just because. He wants to be with his friends apparently but he got caught in the middle of HHH vs. Shawn and he doesn’t like it. HHH says this is how it is now and he’s never going to be friends with Shawn. Let alone reform DX 5 times and win the tag titles. Flair got after Shawn to save the title and it was a big mess. In short, Flair/HHH vs. Shawn/Nash. The feud had zero heat and no one thought Nash had a chance and they were right. Jericho was involved here also but it didn’t really matter.

 

Raw World Title: Kevin Nash vs. HHH

 

Shawn, Flair, Nash and HHH all get entrances. Remember that Shawn and Flair were listed in the ad for the match. Naturally Flair gets the biggest pop of them all since we’re in Charlotte. Nash jumps him in the aisle and we pair off. Is there a reason why this isn’t a tag match? Flair and Michaels fight to the back and they’re gone without even a bell.

 

There’s the bell and it’s all Nash so far. By the way, we won’t be seeing Flair or HBK for the rest of the match. So glad that they got a PPV payday here. Nash gets a backdrop and HHH tries to run and hide. Back in the ring and down goes the Game. Side slam and an elbow drop by Nash. There’s another elbow and HHH shoves down the referee. Somehow that’s not a DQ but whatever.

 

HHH finally gets a neckbreaker to take Nash down. HHH is in purple here. Back off to Nash who hammers away and then shoves the referee too. Hebner is underappreciated for doing stuff like this. After a brief chase HHH accidentally clotheslines the referee and low blows Nash. There goes the turnbuckle and HHH goes…into another corner.

 

Sidewalk slam sends HHH down and Nash goes through some of his favorites like the elbows and a big boot. Snake Eyes is attempted into the exposed buckle and Nash shoves the referee down AGAIN. HHH reverses it and rams Nash in so that the Pedigree can get two.

 

Another attempt is reversed into a backdrop over the ropes and HHH finds the sledgehammer. HHH hits Hebner in the chest with it and finally it’s a DQ after less than 8 minutes. The fans are not thrilled and boo heavily then die. This set up Hell in a Cell in two months in one of the weakest major gimmick matches ever. HHH takes a Jackknife post match.

 

Rating: F. This was there to set up Bad Blood and that’s all there is to it. The match sucked beyond belief and no one cared at all about this. Nash was here because he was one of HHH’s friends and no one bought that the title was changing. 2003 was the worst year in the history of Raw and this is one of the major reasons why.

 

Nash goes all psycho post match and Jackknifes HHH through the announce table.

 

We waste some time with HHH being taken out.

 

Austin gives Bischoff some jalapenos and Bischoff vomits. AND WE GET REPLAYS!!! This clearly needed a total of ten minutes on PPV while the opening match got 4 minutes and had Benoit and Cena in it.

 

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

 

This should be mostly painless. At least Victoria and Trish look hot. Stevie Richards is here for Victoria. Jackie is a face here…I think. She and Trish clear the ring and square off. This is one fall to a finish. Crowd is more or less dead here. We’re totally in the formula here: two girls fight, a third saves and then she fights the other girl. Teddy Long manages Jazz.

Jazz cleans the ring until Trish comes back and pops her with some forearms. STF goes on from Jazz to Trish and Jackie puts the half crab on Victoria to give us a weird race thing. Trish makes the ropes so Jazz drills Jackie. STF to Victoria as I want this to end badly. Matrix and Chick Kick get two on Jazz. Ranas for both heels but Trish gets dumped to the floor by Victoria. Jazz DDTs Jackie to retain. Yeah Jazz was champion coming into this if I didn’t mention that.

 

Rating: F+. Jazz sucked. That’s what this boiled down to at the end of the day. Jazz sucked and yet they wouldn’t let her push with the title die. The division existed for hot women and Jazz wasn’t your traditional Diva. This was boring and everyone knew it sucked. Terribly weak match.

 

We recap Lesnar vs. Show. Show injured Rey in a fairly psycho attack at Backlash. Rey wasn’t sure whether he could wrestle again out of fear. Show came at him and Lesnar stood up for the locker room and made it a stretcher match because that’s what Rey was on when Show hurt him.

 

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

 

You win by putting a guy on a stretcher and pushing him past the line. Brock looked awesome as a face for some reason. He’s like a soldier or something ready for war. The idea is the stretcher is too big to put Show on. Show brings a back board but Lesnar gets it and beats Show up with it. It’s fun watching Brock fire away for some reason. Basically this is both guys hammering away with the stretcher parts at various times.

 

Big old chokeslam and Show puts him on a stretcher before dropping a leg for some reason. He almost gets Brock across but instead clotheslines him to the floor. Back at ringside and Brock beats on Show with a stretcher and chokes him out with a cord. There isn’t anything to say here. It’s a pretty good brawl but at the same time the stretcher thing is pretty stupid.

 

Cole asks if you can imagine Lesnar as a linebacker. I think he was a defensive lineman but yeah I can imagine it. He slams Show onto the stretcher but Show falls off. They fight with the stretcher and try to ram it into the other’s ribs. Lesnar goes into the post back/back of the head first to take him down. There’s another back board under the ring for some reason. Shouldn’t the first aid people have that?

 

Lesnar knocks Show off the apron and onto a stretcher which he drops off of. Lesnar leaves the arena and here’s Rey with a 619 to the balls but he can’t do anything else. Here comes the chokeslam but here’s Lesnar with a forklift. He dives off said forklift onto Show and goes off on him with a suplex and FU. Yes I said FU as that wasn’t an F5. Way better than any Cena ever gave him either. Stretcher onto the forklift, Show onto the stretcher, match and show over.

 

Rating: B-. Hard one to grade here as it was entertaining but at the same time the thing was so back and forth that it’s hard to say if it was good or not. On this show though I need something to have that’s decent so I’ll give this the benefit of the doubt. Show was so big at this point that it just didn’t work anymore.

 

Overall Rating: F. This was just weak. There are two ok matches and that’s about it. The show was just dead from an idea standpoint and the HHH match is proof of that. Hogan and Piper would feud for a few months before Hogan left/got fired/whatever and no one cared. This was a terrible show and definitely not worth seeing. Even the good matches are pretty bad. That’s not a good thing at all.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Wrestlemania XXIX
Date: April 7, 2013
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 80,676
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We have arrived at the biggest night of the year. The main events is John Cena vs. The Rock II for the WWE Championship. If that isn’t enough for you to get into this, we also have Brock vs. HHH II, Undertaker vs. Punk and Del Rio vs. Swagger for the Smackdown Title. The show looks great, the matches look good, the WWE is going home, and it’s Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

Miz is challenging. This match was set up because both guys had movies out at the same time but that has since been dropped. Miz beat Barrett on Raw a few weeks ago as well. Miz escapes a belly to back suplex to start and gets two off a quick sunset flip. Barrett gets in a kick in the corner to take over but Miz blocks the kick in the ropes. The Reality Check gets two for Miz before the Wasteland and Skull Crushing Finale are both countered.

Winds of Change get two for Barrett but the Bull Hammer misses. Miz takes the legs out and puts on the Figure Four but Barrett gets a rope. Wasteland hits this time for two and Wade is frustrated. In a unique counter, Miz trips up Barrett and puts on the Figure Four from the mat for the submission and the title at 4:10.

Rating: D+. What do you want here?  It’s a four minute match and not a very good one at that.  At the end of the day, Miz isn’t anything special, the match was nothing special, Barrett hasn’t meant anything of note in forever, the title means nothing, and the match was four minutes long.  How in the world are they supposed to get anything of note going?  The answer is they aren’t, because that’s what a pre-show match is for.

The opening video is about Hurricane Sandy and is narrated by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who talks about New Jersey rising up due to its great spirit.

The National Guard waves a bunch of American flags.

The real opening video talks about growing up and making an impact on the grandest stage of them all. It’s your standard video about making a Wrestlemania moment, but well done.

Much like previous years, there’s a big canopy setup, but this year there’s a Statue of Liberty over the ring.

Shield vs. Sheamus/Big Show/Randy Orton

Surprising choice for an opener. Thankfully Shield doesn’t come down from the upper deck of the arena. Sheamus and Reigns get us going and the pale one pounds away from one corner to the other. This is already longer than Sheamus’ match from last year. A forearm puts Reigns down as does a hard clothesline for two. Off to Orton for the knee drop and some stomping. We get Cole’s first error of the night as he says Orton won the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania 24 (he retained).

Reigns gets in some shots to the head and it’s off to Rollins. That goes badly as well for Shield as he gets pounded in the corner and suplexed down. Back to Sheamus but Seth gets in a dropkick to the knee to take him down. Ambrose gets the tag and it’s time for some evil double teaming. Sheamus will have none of that though and powerslam Ambrose down for two. Orton is ready for a tag but Show tags himself in instead. He rips Ambrose’s vest open for the LOUD chop and Dean wants another one. Instead he gets about five in a row and a splash in the corner.

Dean actually comes back and dropkicks the knee out to bring in Rollins. A top rope kick gets two on Show and it’s off to Reigns for some hard shots to Show’s back. Ambrose is back in now, sans all of his vest and shirt. Back to Rollins as Shield is tagging in and out very fast. A running kick to the face gets two for Rollins and it’s back to Roman for the chinlock. Big Show fights up with a belly to back suplex but Rollins takes out Orton to break up the tag. That’s fine with Show though as he brings in Sheamus instead for some fast and hard hitting knees to the chest.

Rollins gets his own vest split open and there are the ten forearms to the chest. Ambrose tags himself in from the apron and there are ten forearms for him as well. The Regal Roll puts Dean down and Sheamus hits one on Rollins as well, this one on top of Ambrose. Reigns breaks up something from Sheamus off the top and everything breaks down. Rollins dives through the ropes at Orton and slams his own head into the barricade. Sheamus is triple teamed in the ring but as Shield loads up the TripleBomb, Show spears them all down for the save.

Ambrose is the only one still in the ring for Shield as Sheamus is crawling to the corner. He reaches for Big Show but Orton tags himself in instead. The powerslam sets up the Elevated DDT and Big Show is ticked off. Orton loads up the RKO on Ambrose but Rollins springboards into the RKO instead. Reigns spears Orton down as Big Show watches from the apron for the pin at 10:34.

Rating: B-. Not as good as I was hoping for here but it was still a good match and a fine opener. This was more about the trio instead of the Shield, which is ok I guess but I’m hoping Shield gets to have their moment later on. The good thing here though is that Reigns got a 100% clean pin on Orton. It wasn’t Shield picking the bones. It was a spear and a pin. That’s a big help for the team and a good sign for them.

Big Show knocks out both of his partners post match.

Video on Rock vs. Cena.

Snooki is here.

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

They stare each other down before colliding. No one goes anywhere so they do it again to the same result. They slug it out with Ryback taking over. Some clotheslines stagger Henry a bit but Henry runs Ryback over with a single clothesline of his own. A powerslam gets one for Mark but Ryback fights back with some right hands. A suplex is blocked by Henry and he puts Ryback on the apron with ease. Henry sends him into the post and clotheslines him out to the floor for good measure.

Back in and Henry pounds away on the back even more to take away the power game from Ryback. We hit an old school bearhug for a bit before Henry throws him to the floor again. Ryback gets back in at nine and it’s back to the bearhug. The bald one finally fights out of it and hits some shoulders to the ribs in the corner and there’s the Meat Hook. Ryback loads up the Shell Shock but Henry grabs the top rope and falls onto Ryback’s back for the pin at 8:06.

Rating: D. What in the world was that? Henry DESTROYED Ryback here and beat him almost clean in eight minutes. I don’t think there was an injury or anything, but why in the world would you have Ryback lose here? This keeps his long losing streak going for what, eight months now? I don’t get this one at all.

Post match Ryback hits the spinebuster and Shell Shock on Henry. So why did we have the match end that way???

The announcers play with toys and announce a partnership with the Special Olympics.

Some Special Olympians are here with Stephanie McMahon and Governor Christie.

Tag Titles: Big E. Langston/Dolph Ziggler vs. HELL NO

HELL NO is defending. This was set up by Ziggler beating Kane and Bryan in singles matches and wanting a title match as a result. This is also Langston’s debut. We get a funny bit to start with Ziggler kissing AJ to taunt Bryan and getting kicked in the head for a VERY close two ala last year. Ziggler bails to the floor and gets caught with a suicide dive. Back in and Bryan fires off the hard kicks to the chest but the big one to the head misses.

Ziggler dives off to tag in Langston and he gets Kane. Big E. easily catches a charging Kane and hits three straight backbreakers to take over. Kane gets a boot up in the corner to stop a charging Langston but the chokeslam is easily broken up. Langston runs over Kane and it’s back to Ziggler for some quick choking. Langston comes in again for more shots to Kane’s chest and ribs. He lowers his head though and there’s a DDT from Kane to put Langston down.

Back to Dolph who breaks up a tag to Bryan, only to miss a splash in the corner. Kane’s side slam gets two but the top rope clothesline misses. The Fameasser kind of misses but Bryan comes in for the save anyway. Ziggler jumps into an uppercut from Kane but Langston splashes Kane for the save at two. The Big Ending is broken up and Kane sends Big E. to the floor for the knee from Bryan. The Zig Zag gets two on Kane and Dolph is frustrated. AJ slides in the briefcase but Kane ducks Ziggler’s swing. The chokeslam connects and Kane takes out Langston. The Swan Dive from Bryan retains the titles at 6:30.

Rating: C. My predictions are taking a pounding tonight. I would assume this means Ziggler cashes in tonight, because we should totally buy him as world champion after he loses to Bryan here right? The match was fine, but at this point there’s no need to see HELL NO with the belts anymore. It’s just dull at this point and they stopped being funny a long time ago.

John Cena talks about Make-A-Wish.

Fandango vs. Chris Jericho

Fandango has a troop of dancing girls this time. This is set up because Jericho can’t pronounce Fandango’s name properly. This is also Fandango’s debut. Fandango dances to start and is taken down by Jericho very quickly. The dancer heads to the floor but as soon as he heads back in, Jericho takes him down and pounds away even more. Fandango jumps over Jericho in the corner but walks into a Codebreaker to send him to the floor. A baseball slide sends Fandango to the floor and Jericho hits a big plancha to take him down.

Back in and Jericho wipes the dust off his hands but as he loads up the springboard dropkick, Fandango blasts him in the face with a hard kick. Off to a chinlock as JBL goes off on Fandango for posing too much. Chris fights up pretty quickly and speeds things up before hitting a top rope ax handle. A Thesz Press puts Fandango down as does an enziguri for two. A top rope cross body gets two for Jericho but he gets sent shoulder first into the post to stop his momentum again.

A Downward Spiral puts Jericho down and the guillotine legdrop hits….for two. The Walls are countered and Fandango clotheslines Jericho down. Another guillotine legdrop is broken up but so is Jericho’s superplex bid. The third legdrop attempt misses but the Lionsault misses as well. Jericho tries the Walls but looks to have tweaked his knee. Fandango gets a sloppy small package for the pin at 9:16.

Rating: D. This was REALLY sloppy at the end and it appeared to be botched. Fandango did nothing to impress me here as he only seems to have one big move in the legdrop and that was tried three times in less than ten minutes. That ending looked awkward though so I’m guessing something went wrong.

We look at Miz winning the Intercontinental Title on the pre-show.

Video on Rock being back and various cities his fans come from.

We get a highlight package of Mania moments set to Rocky music on the big screens with all the other lights off. The lights come back up to reveal….Diddy, for the annual music medley.

We recap Swagger vs. Del Rio. Swagger and his manager Zeb Colter don’t like people coming into their country and taking jobs from “people that look like them”. The world champion, Alberto Del Rio, is one of these people. Swagger won the Elimination Chamber match and earned this shot. To make it personal, Swagger broke Alberto’s friend Ricardo Rodriguez’s ankle. The idea is that Del Rio is the kind of immigrant that America was built on, but the fans aren’t really buying him in this role for the most part.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger’s entrance is cut off as he and Colter are in the ring after the video package. Colter goes on his usual rant about how awful New York is because of all the non-English languages being spoken. Apparently those foreigners are plotting something. Swagger pounds away to start but Del Rio sends him to the floor for a baseball slide. Alberto pounds on Jack on the floor for a bit before heading inside again. Colter starts distracting the champion immediately and Jack takes over.

A hard clothesline gets two for Swagger and it’s off to an armbar, which Del Rio rolls up for two. Swagger comes back with the Vader Bomb for two but as he tries to wrap the champion’s legs around the post, Alberto pulls Jack’s shoulder into the post. Back in and Swagger charges into a boot to the face and there are some clotheslines from the champion. Both Swagger and Colter get kicked in the face with the actual wrestler getting covered for two as a result.

The armbreaker is countered and Swagger hits a high belly to belly suplex for two. Jack goes after the leg but the Patriot Lock is quickly broken up. The Vader Bomb is broken up as well and Del Rio hits the ten forearms to the back followed by the Backstabber for two. The champion hits a hard German suplex for two but the armbreaker is countered into the gutwrench powerbomb for two.

There’s another Patriot Lock but as Swagger tries the grapevine, Del Rio slides over into the armbreaker in a sweet counter. Jack powers out of that into the Patriot Lock again but Alberto makes the rope. Another gutwrench powerbomb is countered and Del Rio fires off a kick to the head, only to hurt his ankle even more.

The corner enziguri hits Swagger but Colter puts the foot on the ropes at two. Ricardo goes after Zeb but gets kicked in the ankle. Del Rio and Colter both have a crutch but the distraction lets Swagger deck Alberto. They head back in and there’s the cross armbreaker out of nowhere for the tap out at 10:37. It was as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: C+. That ending came out of nowhere and cut short what was looking to be a good match. Thankfully they kept this a mat based match which is where both of these guys shine. The counters were pretty sweet out there and both guys looked good, but at the end of the day that ending stopped this dead in its tracks, which is a shame.

The National Guard is here.

We recap Punk vs. Undertaker, which is built around the idea of Punk disrespecting the memory of the recently dead Paul Bearer. Punk wants to be the 1 in 20-1, meaning he wants to break the Streak. He stole the urn as well, because that hasn’t been done in about ten years or so.

Undertaker vs. CM Punk

Living Colour plays Punk to the ring live. Heyman and Punk throw the urn around before the match. Punk slaps Taker in the corner to try to tick him off before pounding away back inside. Undertaker launches Punk into the corner but Punk slaps him again. The chokeslam is blocked by a high kick but Taker kicks him in the face to counter. We head to the floor and Taker keeps pounding away before loading up the announce table.

Punk is rammed spine first into the post and there’s the apron legdrop for good measure. Back inside and Taker gets some more open shots in the corner. Old School is broken up and Punk stomps away in the corner. In a solidly evil move, Punk hits Old School of his own followed by a Russian legsweep for two. Off to a kind of keylock by Punk which is easily broken up. Taker slugs him down but misses a running big boot into the corner.

A baseball slide puts Taker on the floor and there’s a Macho ax handle to keep the Dead Man down. Back in and Punk works on the shoulder with some Scott Hall driving shoulder blocks. Taker fires off some right hands but gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker for two. Heyman shouts that Punk is getting closer and it’s off to a chinlock. A suplex eventually gets Taker out of trouble but Punk tries Old School again. That’s just asking for trouble though and Punk crotches himself on the top rope. Heyman: “WHAT HAPPENED?”

Taker loads up the Dive but Heyman makes the save. Instead of a chokeslam to Heyman though, it’s a springboard clothesline by Punk for two. The running knee in the corner connects and there’s the Macho Elbow for two more. Punk draws power from the urn and calls for Go to Sleep but Taker counters into the chokeslam for two. Back up and Undertaker wins a quick slugfest before pounding Punk down into the corner. Snake Eyes connects but Punk leg lariats him down for two.

A clothesline sends Taker to the floor and now Punk finishes loading up the announce table. Taker tries a Last Ride through the table but Punk escapes and high kicks Taker onto the table instead. The Macho Elbow…..doesn’t put Undertaker through the table as Punk just kind of stops moving once he hits Undertaker. Both guys are down and Punk is holding his knee back in the ring. The referee gets to nine but Taker dives back in just in time.

Back in and Taker tries Hell’s Gate but can’t get it all the way in. Punk tries to flip over but only gets two as a result. There’s the Anaconda Vice (no mention of Punk beating Taker in a submission match back in 2009) and Taker sits up. He glares at Punk while still in the hold and slips his hand underneath, but the chokeslam is countered into a bad GTS. Taker doesn’t even go off his feet and picks Punk up for the Tombstone for two.

They slug it out again and Taker loads up the chokeslam, only to have Punk shove the referee down. Punk’s knee is giving out but he hits the running knee in the corner only to be countered into the Last Ride. Heyman throws in the urn to blast Taker in the head ala HHH and the sledgehammer in 2001. Naturally it only gets two because Undertaker doesn’t lose at Wrestlemania. Taker escapes the GTS twice and the second Tombstone makes it 21-0 at 22:23.

Rating: B. It was good but I never once bought the Streak as being in jeopardy. It wasn’t going to end in a countout, it wasn’t going to end off a GTS, it wasn’t going to end with the same spot that HHH did better 12 years ago. It’s a good match but it’s a step down from the last four years. To be fair though, did anyone really think it was ending here? I’m not sure why you would. It’s Undertaker at Wrestlemania for crying out loud. The match was entertaining though and Punk’s visuals were great throughout, as was him hitting Old School. Good but definitely not great match here.

Undertaker reclaims the urn and looks like he’s about to cry.

WWE has donated a lot of Slim Jims to the military.

Video on Cena being focused for the main event.

We recap HHH vs. Brock Lesnar using the same video we’ve seen about five times now. HHH didn’t have a reason to get back into the ring until Lesnar hurt Vince. It’s No Holds Barred with HHH’s career on the line.

Brock Lesnar vs. HHH

Shawn Michaels is in HHH’s corner. Lesnar is in the MMA gear which makes him look even scarier than usual. They slug it out to start with HHH firing off a bunch of right hands to the ribs. Lesnar knees the Game in the ribs and out to the floor we go. Brock is sent into the barricade and the announce table but Brock sends him into the apron to take over. They head into the crowd but HHH immediately clotheslines Lesnar back to ringside.

Brock blasts him in the head and picks up a chair as we head back inside. The jumping knee to the face puts Brock back down and Heyman steals the chair away before HHH can use it. They head back to the floor and Lesnar hits a belly to belly suplex to send HHH onto the floor. A release vertical suplex puts HHH through the table and Brock screams at HHH’s body. There’s another belly to belly suplex onto the remnants of the table and Brock gives us another evil grin.

Shawn tries to check on Brock and is sent running away. Back inside and Brock pounds away into the corner and shrugs off a facebuster before clotheslining HHH down for two. Another belly to belly gets another two as Shawn plays cheerleader. A pair of German suplexes get three two counts and Brock shouts a lot. HHH fires back some right hands but gets whipped over the corner and back out to the floor.

HHH’s arm is hanging there at the moment but he comes back with a clothesline and a right hand. Another clothesline puts Lesnar into the timekeeper’s area. A chair shot staggers Brock but we head back inside for a bridging German for two. Brock decks Shawn off the apron but walks into a spinebuster. The Pedigree is countered but so is the F5. Shawn comes in to try a superkick but gets caught in the F5 instead.

A bad looking Pedigree gets two on Brock and it’s sledgehammer time. Brock puts HHH up in mid swing and hits the F5 for two. We head to the floor and Brock cracks a chair over the Game’s back before sending him into the steps. The same steps go upside HHH’s head and Brock sends the other set into the ring. Back inside and Brock hits him in the arm with the steps for two more. Another shot with the steps gets another two but HHH comes back with some right hands. The Pedigree is countered into the Kimura arm lock but the ropes do nothing here.

Triple H breaks the hold twice by ramming Brock into the corner but Lesnar puts it on again. Brock fires off some knees and puts the hold on while on the middle rope but HHH picks him up and slams him down in a spinebuster. Brock misses a charge into the post and there’s a low blow for good measure. HHH wraps Brock’s arm around the post and Brock sounds like he in labor. A chair shot crushes the arm against the post and HHH does the same against the steps for good measure.

HHH throws on a Kimura of his own and Brock screams for Heyman, only to have Shawn superkick Heyman down. Brock holds off from tapping and lifts HHH into the air before slamming him down onto the steps. HHH throws the hold right back on and Brock slams him down onto the steps again to break the hold a second time. Here’s a third Kimura by HHH and Brock lifts him up, only to be DDTed onto the steps. It’s sledgehammer time again and a shot to Brock’s head sets up a Pedigree onto the steps for the pin at 24:00.

Rating: B+. This started slow but the ending was much better. I was actually thinking Brock would tap at the end and they had me not sure of who was going to win until the end. I’ll have a lot more to say about HHH spending eleven months with Brock Lesnar and then beating him in the blowoff match at Wrestlemania, but for now this was a good, hard hitting, entertaining match.

We get the Hall of Fame video from last night.

The Class of 2013 is presented to the arena: Mick Foley, Booker T, Trish Stratus, Bob Backlund, Donald Trump (booed) and Bruno Sammartino (gets a trumpet entrance). Foley got the loudest ovation it seemed.

The attendance record is 80,676.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Rock

No entrance video, no musical performance, no special Mania entrance, nothing. Cena just walks out and kind of struts down the ramp at first. Apparently the eight person tag was cut from the show. I didn’t think they could fit all of that into the amount of time they had left. We get Big Match Intros and we’re ready to go. The crowd is exactly as you would expect it to be. Rock is champion and the huge crowd favorite if that wasn’t clear.

A quick shoulder block gets no one anywhere so we stare each other down a bit more. Rock grabs a headlock which does nothing of note either. We try it again until they run the ropes a few times followed by a hip toss to send Cena to the floor. Back in and Cena sends Rock into the corner before pounding away a bit. The champion comes back with a clothesline and a kick to the face to put Cena down on the mat.

Rock drives some elbows into Cena’s chest but gets clotheslined down again. The crowd isn’t into this for the most part. Cena hooks a chinlock which transitions into a headlock on the mat. Rock fights up and hooks a sleeper as the fans think this is boring. A suplex puts Rock down and Cena stomps away as he continues to be the heel in the match. Rock fights back with a Samoan drop and they lay around a bit more. Cena’s release fisherman’s suplex gets two.

Rock tries the spit punches but Cena hits the shoulder. A second one misses and the spit punch connects. The spinebuster is countered into an STF attempt but Rock escapes. Cena hits his finishing sequence but the ProtoBomb is countered into the Sharpshooter, and it’s WAY better than the one he used last year. Cena rolls out of that and kicks Rock off so he can hit the ProtoBomb.

The Shuffle misses (I don’t remember that happening before actually, which is hard to believe) and Rock hits a DDT to take Cena down. The Rock Bottom is countered into a bad Crossface but when that gets Cena nowhere, he hits a third ProtoBomb and the Shuffle for no cover. The AA is countered but there’s the spinebuster by Rock. Cena picks the leg to counter the Elbow though and the STF goes on. In an impressive power display, Rock rolls onto his back and breaks Cena’s grip to escape.

Cena charges into the Rock Bottom for two as the fans are barely reacting to these near falls because we’re not even fifteen minutes into this yet. The AA hits for two but the to rope Fameasser misses. Now the People’s Elbow hits but of course it only gets two. The near falls aren’t even close as Cena is kicking out at like two and a quarter instead of two and nine tenths.

After Cena rolls to the floor for a bit they head back inside for the boo/yay slugout. Rock for some reason tries a cross body and it’s ANGRY Cena but he gets countered into a big Rock Bottom. AGAIN Cena kicks out barely after two which takes away a lot of the drama. Rock stops to listen to the people and loads up another Elbow, only to throw in You Can’t See Me. In a nice callback to last year, Cena pops up and hits the AA for two.

Back up and they slug it out again and Cena hits a Rock Bottom of his own for two. NOW the fans are getting into this. Cena has no idea what to do now but as he loads up the Shuffle, he stops and sets up the Elbow. This is what cost him last year but he holds the ropes when Rock nips up, only to have the AA countered into a Rock Bottom for another two. This is starting to pick up a lot.

The AA is countered, the Rock Bottom is countered, the AA is countered again, the Rock Bottom is countered again, the AA is countered again, Rock hits a DDT. The champion tries about the nineteenth Rock Bottom of the match but gets countered into the Attitude Adjustment to give Cena his 14^th world title at 24:00. Yeah seriously, that’s it.

Rating: C+. This started off REAL slow but picked up after about twenty minutes. The problem is it stopped as soon as they started to get going. This fell into the classic trap of trying to have an epic match and collapsing under the weight. The problem at the end of the day is we’ve seen this done better before, so what’s the appeal here? Not much to see here and it was freaking boring at times.

They say something we can hear to each other and shake hands….and Rock walks out to his own music to end the show.  Oh wait they salute each other and pose to really end it.

Overall Rating: B-. This falls into that awkward “Good but not memorable” category. The big matches were all good but nothing on here was what I would call a masterpiece. Rock vs. Cena was good but we saw a better and bigger match last year between the two. The crowd didn’t help things, which ranges from either the cold or reports of REALLY obstructed views for a lot of them.

The biggest problem here is there was never that moment that you remember from each show until the end. Yeah that helps a lot, but it doesn’t help when we’ve seen Cena win the title what, twelve times before? It also doesn’t help that the moment comes after FIVE HOURS of WWE tonight.

Results

Shield b. Big Show/Randy Orton/Sheamus – Spear to Orton

Mark Henry b. Ryback – Henry fell on Ryback’s back

HELL NO b. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston – Swan Dive to Ziggler

Fandango b. Chris Jericho – Small Package

Alberto Del Rio b. Jack Swagger – Cross Armbreaker

Undertaker b. CM Punk – Tombstone

HHH b. Brock Lesnar – Pedigree on the steps

John Cena b. The Rock – Attitude Adjustment

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