Tables Ladders and Chairs 2012
Date: December 16, 2012
Location: Barclays Center, Brooklyn, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is the final stop before we get to the Rumble where Rock can finally get his title shot, meaning we can stop having everything lead up to that instead of having stuff that matters. The main event is a six man tag because Punk is injured. Other than that we’ve got Cena vs. Ziggler for the MITB case and Sheamus vs. Show in a chairs match for the Smackdown Title. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Divas Battle Royal

Layla, Kaitlyn, Alicia Fox, Natalya, Tamina Snuka, Aksana, Rosa Mendes, Cameron, Naomi

The winner gets the title shot presumably later tonight. They’re all in Santa outfits here and Eve is on commentary. Rosa is put out quickly and the Funkadactyls do some splits on I think Alicia. I think Cameron is put out and Aksana lays on the ropes like an idiot. She deserves the elimination she gets. Striker says that there might be a dancing basketball rivalry because Layla and Eve danced for different NBA teams.

Tamina eliminates Layla and Kaitlyn dropkicks Nattie out. We’ve got Kaitlyn, Naomi and Tamina left as Alicia was put out off camera earlier I guess. Naomi actually puts out Tamina and we get a rematch of NXT Season 3. Kaitlyn spears her down but misses a dropkick. Naomi puts her on the apron and Layla adds a slap, allowing Naomi to dropkick Kaitlyn out for the win at 5:26.

Rating: D. Yes, one of the Funkadactyls, the dancers of Brodus Clay who hasn’t been on TV in weeks, is the #1 contender to the Divas Title. Has she ever spoken a word on television or been seen on her own? Wait why am I even trying to figure this out? It’s the freaking Divas division so what difference does it make?

The regular show opens with a twenty six bell salute to those who died in the shooting in Connecticut.

There are ladders EVERYWHERE, including hanging from the rafters over the stage.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara

Tables match where only one member has to go through for a win. The winners get a title shot at some point in the future. Sandow wants to know if there’s anyone lower in life than the Brooklyn hipster. They’re literally the unwashed masses. Cody makes fun of facial hair and we’re ready to go. Thankfully we don’t have tags and Rey sends Cody to the floor very quickly. Sandow is sent out as well and there are stereo dives by the masked men.

Rey and Cara pull out a table and ram both Scholars with it. Rhodes has to save Sandow from being slammed through the table and Rey is sent out to the floor. Mysterio saves Cara from going through the table, allowing Sin to hit the armdrag out of the corner on Rhodes. There’s the Disaster Kick to Cara though and everyone in a mask is down. The Scholars slam Cara into the steps and Rey goes into the barricade. The Mustache gets another chant as the Scholars set up a pair of tables.

After walking around forever, Rey trips up Sandow and hits the seated senton. Cody’s powerbomb is countered into a rana to send him to the floor. Cara takes out Sandow with a springboard cross body and a rana that slips a bit. A corkscrew plancha to the floor takes Damien out again and Rey hits the 619 on Cody. Sandow breaks up the top rope splash through the table though as Cole lists off some Tweets. Cara kicks Sandow in the head and kicks Cody to the apron. After firing off about eight kicks to the head from the apron, Cody knocks Cara off the top rope and through a table for the win at 9:36.

Rating: D+. Not the best opener in the world here as they spent a lot of time walking around looking for a spot to do. The Scholars were the obvious winners here and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t make for the most entertaining match in the world. It was probably a good idea to get this out of the way though.

We get another Joker Shield promo, saying about what you would expect them to say: they’re going to take out Ryback and HELL NO one by one tonight and that’s about it. The main reason they want to beat those three up though: they just don’t like them. How simple yet effective.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth

Cesaro is defending in what should be a layup for him. We start with a clean break in the corner and Truth does his pelvic thrusting. Cesaro throws Truth around before getting rolled up for a few two counts. Antonio works on the ribs as the fans chant for the USA. Off to a modified cobra clutch by the champion which goes on for a good while.

Truth fights up and hits the spinning forearm followed by the ax kick for two. A side kick puts Cesaro down for two more and the fans start a Little Jimmy chant. Cesaro escapes the suplex into a stunner before hitting the European uppercut to the back of the head. Neutralizer (BIG pop for that) retains the title at 6:44.

Rating: C. This was better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much as I was expecting a basic TV level match. Truth is just filling in a spot here and there’s nothing wrong with that, but we’re just waiting for a big time AMERICAN to come in and save the title for the country. Decent enough match here though.

Post match Cesaro says that when the fans boo him, they’re booing themselves.

Some people from Tribute to the Troops don’t have much to say.

Ziggler says Cena is going to try to steal the case from him tonight. Cena already lost his own case earlier this year, so why should Ziggler have to earn it a second time? Ziggler says Cena’s career should be over if John loses tonight.

Here’s 3MB on MizTV to waste some time. Apparently they’re going to finally perform tomorrow night on Raw. Mahal makes fun of the Spanish announce team, telling them to speak AMERICAN. The bullying goes on until Ricardo Rodriguez of all people makes the save. 3MB beats on him too until Del Rio makes the save. Is that a face turn? Miz and Del Rio wind up cleaning house. A six man is proposed to fill in some time later. The fans want Ryder to be Miz and Del Rio’s partner.

Rock will indeed be at the Rumble.

HELL NO fires themselves up and talk about how hard it is to talk to Ryback. Tonight, they’ll feed all of the Shield to him.

Wade Barrett says he’s going to take out Kofi tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi is defending. Barrett takes it into the corner to start and pounds away for two. There’s the bouncing elbow by Kofi for two but Wade clotheslines him out to the floor. Kofi slides back in and hits a suicide dive to take Wade right back out. Back in and momentum shifts again, this time with Barrett kicking Kofi in the ribs.

A backbreaker gets two for Wade and it’s off to a bow and arrow with a knee in Kofi’s back. That doesn’t last long so Wade settles for two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Back to the chinlock for a bit, followed by Kofi fighting up and hitting another clothesline to take Wade down. There’s the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses. The Boss Man Slam is countered into the SOS for two for Kofi.

A spinning full nelson slam gets the same for Barrett but Wade is getting frustrated. I love Wade moveset as he constantly mixes in new things. Kofi’s top rope cross body is rolled through for two, followed by a Boss Man Slam for the same result. In another sudden ending tonight, the Bull Hammer is countered into Trouble in Paradise to retain at 8:19.

Rating: C+. Nice back and forth match here with a surprising ending. This could have been on Smackdown but it wasn’t out of place on PPV. Kofi winning is the surprise though as he would seem to be set up to be fed to Barrett. Odds are there will be a rematch though, because clearly a clean win isn’t enough to warrant the end of a program right?

Punk and Heyman are in a sky box and Punk says the status of his knee is none of their business. Punk talks about how he would have destroyed Ryback tonight and how he’ll be champion for as long as he likes. Oh and he’s not associated with the Shield.

Ryback/HELL NO vs. The Shield

It’s a TLC match but you can win by pin/submission because there’s nothing to hang above the ring. Shield comes through the crowd of course. The brawl starts on the floor of course with Bryan vs. Rollins, Kane vs. Reigns and Ambrose vs. Ryback. Ryback and Ambrose get in the ring and the smart aleck fans just have to chant Goldberg. Shield gets Ryback 3-1 but he shrugs them off. Kane tries to bring in a ladder but Rollins dropkicks it into the monster’s ribs.

Bryan takes a ladder to the face as well but here’s Ryback to beat them all up. Reigns takes Kane down with a chair but Kane makes the save. I think Ryback is busted a bit. Bryan kicks Reigns in the corner and the fans are WAY into Danny boy. Reigns is thrown into a ladder which gets two for Kane. Bryan saves Ryback and the fans want tables. Rollins jumps into a Kane uppercut for two before getting put inside a ladder. Kane beats on the ladder with a chair for a bit but Ambrose takes Kane out with a DDT onto the chair.

Ryback rams Rollins and Ambrose into the corner and there’s another Goldberg chant. The fans still want tables. Ryback blocks a beal into the ladder in the corner and pounds Ambrose and Rollins down again. A splash crushes both of them against the ladder, followed by a suplex from Ryback to put both of them on the ladder. Reigns breaks up the double Shell Shock and it’s another three on one beating. Where did HELL NO go?

Shield loads up the triple powerbomb….and it actually works. Seriously, no save from the champions until a few seconds later. Bryan goes off on everyone but gets caught in the numbers game. Kane finally comes back but gets beaten down as well. Back into the ring and it’s time for the chairs portion of the match. Bryan gets beaten down before being double superplexed off a table on the top. Kane barely makes a save but he gets beaten down by the chair as well.

Ambrose and Rollins try the double superplex on Kane as well but he shoves Rollins to the floor and clotheslines Ambrose down. The side slam puts Reigns down but Dean makes the save. Instead of I think a DDT on Kane though, it’s a chokeslam for Dean through the chair for two. Back to the floor and Reigns spears Kane through the barricade to a BIG reaction. Kane gets buried under a bunch of stuff, but in the chaos, Bryan grabs the NO Lock on Ambrose. He eventually gets it on all three guys but the numbers catch up to him.

Bryan fights back AGAIN with a bunch of kicks but eventually he falls prey to the Blackout (running curb stomp) onto the EDGE OF THE CHAIR from Rollins. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Ryback is up though and house is cleaned. Rollins is thrown onto Ambrose and it’s chair time for Reigns. Ambrose comes back AGAIN but gets speared down. There’s a Meat Hook for Dean followed by Shell Shock for two as Rollins saves. Ryback goes to the floor but gets caught by some chair shots. Ryback charges at Reigns to tackle into whatever is in his path in a cool visual.

The Shield and Ryback are all up by the entrance and Ambrose chairs him in the back to take him down again. They shove a ladder onto Ryback and destroy him with some chair shots and put him on a table. There’s a HUGE, as in bigger than the usual HUGE ladders, and Rollins climbs up. Ryback fights up though and Rollins is in trouble. Ryback throws Seth through a big stack of tables, but Ambrose and Reigns are double teaming Bryan in the ring. Reigns superbombs Bryan through the table for the pin at 22:55.

Rating: A. AWESOME brawl here with a great story being told throughout. Ryback gets two do the big spot to look strong and the Shield’s pack mentality worked very well too. Great match here and definitely better than I was expecting. Shield looked like they could more than hang in there, and that was the main thing they had to worry about. Great stuff.

Carnage is removed for a bit. Rollins took a NASTY bump into the table on that fall, slamming his head onto the edge.

Divas Title: Naomi vs. Eve Torres

Naomi does her flashy stuff to start and Eve hides on the floor. The reaction to taking the champ out? DANCE TIME! Naomi fakes her out a lot, botches a jump to the top, and misses a spinning cross body. Eve’s neckbreaker ends this at 3:08.

Rating: D. Eve is hot and Naomi can shake her hips so I can’t call this a failure. The division is such a joke anymore and AJ isn’t going to fix anything immediately. They need to get this Kaitlyn title reign over already though because it’s already past the point where it should have happened. Nothing to see but Eve’s legs here as usual.

Eve does her posing thing post match which is pretty awesome.

Big Show says Sheamus has no chance to get the title back tonight.

We recap Sheamus vs. Show. Show won the title at TLC and retained it at Survivor Series, but after the second match, Sheamus hit Show 31 times with a chair. The chairs match stipulation tonight was obvious.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Big Show

Note that with the Raw Champion off the show, this was never once mentioned as a possible replacement main event. This is a chairs match, which means chair shots are legal. Sheamus pounds him down to start and goes for the knee. The first chair is brought in but Sheamus is knocked to the floor. Show superkicks the chair into Sheamus’ face and there’s the LOUD chop. Sheamus comes back with the shoulder off the apron and we head inside again.

Show pounds him down again but Sheamus slams him down for two. Why is it a surprise that he kicked out of that? It’s just a slam. A top rope chair shot puts Show down but a second attempt is countered with a spear out of the air to take him down. Back in and Sheamus pounds away but charges into a chokeslam for two. Show goes under the ring and pulls out a bunch of chairs.

A Vader Bomb onto a chair onto Sheamus gets two so Show loads up two chairs in the middle of the ring. Sheamus fights back and hits White Noise onto both chairs but it only gets two. Sheamus gets all fired up but the Brogue Kick hits the rope instead. The WMD lays Sheamus out but it only gets two. In a pretty dumb ending, Show pulls out a GIANT chair and clocks Sheamus in the head with it to retain at 14:40.

Rating: B-. Good match here but it was several steps below what they’ve done before. I really didn’t know who was winning here and with Show winning, I doubt we’re going to have a cash in tonight, which is probably the right call. Decent but not great match here, which surprisingly enough is a downgrade for this feud. Hopefully this is the end for these two here.

AJ comes up to Cena in a cutoff Cena shirt. Good look on her. Basically he says she can thank him after he wins.

3MB vs. Alberto Del Rio/The Miz/Brooklyn Brawler

You know what? Why not? He’s in a Brooklyn Nets jersey as apparently he’s abandoned the Yankees (Bronx, not Brooklyn) shirt. Ignore those RYDER chants of course. Del Rio and Slater start things off with Alberto in control. Off to Brawler who beats up Mahal a bit before getting punched down by Heath. Brawler avoids a middle rope knee drop as we hear about 3MB having their tattoos messed up. Not hot tag brings in Miz who gets two on Jinder off a DDT. Del Rio drives Drew into the remnants of the announce table. The Finale takes down Mahal and the Brawler gets the win off a Boston Crab at 3:37.

Rating: D. It should have been Ryder. Seriously, what else do you want me to say here?

We recap Ziggler vs. Cena, which is more about AJ and Vickie than anything else. Eventually Dolph and Cena got dragged into it and Ziggy’s MITB case was put up for grabs in a ladder match.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena

Ladder match for the case here. Cena runs him over with a shoulder to start and they stare at each other for a bit. The fans are almost universally behind Dolph here. Cena takes him down with a headlock, probably for the first time in the history of ladder matches. He works on Dolph’s arm and hits a fisherman’s suplex. There’s a monkey flip out of the corner and Ziggler is sent to the floor.

Ziggler gets a chair to take Cena down and wedges it between the top and middle rope. We get the first ladder brought in but Cena rams it into Dolph’s face. Cena might be cut over the eye. The dueling Cena chants begin as he crushes Ziggler’s head with the steps. It’s table time but Dolph knocks Cena down and goes for a climb. They slug it out and it’s boo/yay time. Dolph hooks the sleeper and Cena turns red, but he climbs the ladder anyway with Ziggler on his back.

This of course goes badly and they crash backwards through a table in the ring. In a very cool spot, Ziggler goes up the ladder, so Cena PICKS UP THE LADDER FOR THE AA. Ziggler escapes what would have likely resulted in death and hits the Fameasser to put both guys down. Cena puts on a quick STF but Ziggler escapes the AA and hits the Zig Zag. Ziggler seems to be a big ginger on his leg as he gets another table.

The table is placed in the corner but Cena hits four of the five moves of doom. Dolph counters the AA and hits the jumping DDT to put Cena down again. Ziggler goes for the big ladder but Cena stops him at the top. They slug it out up there with Cena shoving Ziggler off. There’s no one to stop Cena….except himself as Cena does the stupid VERY slow climb, allowing Ziggler to take him down. Ziggler rams the bad eye into the ladder but Cena BUSTS OUT A FREAKING HURRICANRANA to send Ziggy through the table in the corner.

John pounds Ziggler into the corner and puts him on the top rope. Ziggler shoves him away and tries a top rope cross body, but Cena rolls through into the AA. That gets countered too and a chair shot puts Cena down. Ziggler misses a kick and there’s an AA. There’s nothing in the ring at the moment though so here’s Vickie with a chair. Cue AJ to take Guerrero down with the Five Moves of Doom. Well close enough I guess. Cena climbs the ladder and AJ shoves it down, turning heel. Ziggler has no idea what’s going on but AJ goes all happy psycho again. Ziggler retains the case at 23:38.

Rating: B+. I’d like this a lot more if it wasn’t about AJ. At the end of the day, I get that she’s nuts but she’s gotten WAY too much focus and it means this story must continue. I get what they’re going for here, but man alive they’ve run this story into the ground for so long that I don’t care anymore. The match was very good though as the ladders were props in the match, which is what makes the best ladder matches.

Ziggler celebrates a ton to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Once we got by the obvious matches to open the show, this turned into the usual excellent show that TLC is. It’s not so much about the quality of it, but it’s FUN, which is a good idea to end the year with. Things get serious now as the Road to Wrestlemania begins. Very fun show here with a serious match of the year candidate included. Check this one out.

Results

Rhodes Scholars b. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara – Rhodes shoved Cara through a table

Antonio Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer

Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett – Trouble in Paradise

The Shield b. Ryback/HELL NO – Superbomb to Bryan

Eve Torres b. Naomi – Spinning Neckbreaker

Big Show b. Sheamus – Chair to the back

Albeto Del Rio/The Miz/Brooklyn Brawler b. 3MB – Boston Crab to Mahal

Dolph Ziggler b. John Cena – Ziggler pulled down the case

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Might make my match of the year list.  And yes that’s coming within this coming week.  Check this match out as soon as you get a chance.  It’s well worth it.

Given that Punk is out hurt, it’s clear that we need a new PPV main event.Apparently that’ll be either the six man or the ladder match.  No mention of the other WORLD TITLE MATCH was mentioned at all for a main event.  Instead it’ll be a non-title match or a #1 contender’s match for the same world title. That says a lot about where the title is on WWE’s level of interest.

Armageddon 2003
Date: December 14, 2003
Location: TD Waterhouse Centre, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

 

We continue this series with 2003’s show, which something tells me won’t be all that good. The main event is Kane vs. Goldberg vs. HHH for the Raw world title. This is Raw only so we’re not going to see much else other than that of note. This was a bad time for the company as the whole show on Raw was about HHH and there wasn’t much else to say. Benoit was on the rise though and that guy named Cena was making some noise on Smackdown. Anyway let’s get to this.

 

Foley has some authority here which I don’t remember at all.

 

Lillian sings the national anthem. Oh ok this is right after Sadaam Hussein was caught. That explains it.

 

The opening video quotes the Bible a lot.

 

Booker T vs. Mark Henry

 

Henry is getting a big heel push here which would be over soon. He beat Booker at Survivor Series to eliminate him from that match. Henry won a street fight also so we finish the feud with a regular match of course. Booker goes straight at him and that fails pretty quickly. Teddy Long manages Henry because they’re both black I guess. Henry tosses him to the floor and Booker fires off a kick. That gets him rammed into the steps so I guess that was a bad idea.

 

Booker manages a plancha to the floor and Henry is rocked a bit. Back in and the missile dropkick gets two. Henry gets him in position for the World’s Strongest Slam but I guess falling all the way down is too much for him so he settles for a backbreaker. Bow and arrow goes on and Henry is dominating. Off to the chinlock now to waste some time. Booker keeps slapping the mat but that’s not a tap because it’s not the planned finish I guess.

 

Oh now it’s a bearhug for rest hold #3 in a row. I guess the resting took too much out of Henry. Henry takes him down again but misses a legdrop to give Booker a breather. Booker gets in some kicks and the axe kick gets two. Henry gets a spinebuster for two as Henry is spent. Leg drop hits as Ross blames Henry’s lack of experience. Are you kidding me? Another slam gets two. And out of nowhere Booker gets a kick to the ribs and the second scissors kick to end it. Totally random ending.

 

Rating: D+. Not bad but Booker was in against someone that he couldn’t carry for the most part. Henry is someone that doesn’t need to be out there for nearly ten minutes, especially in the opening match. Not much here as for the most part it was pretty dull. Also the ending being all insane didn’t help.

 

Bischoff tells Christian and Jericho that they need to beat Lita and Trish tonight. Jericho is apprehensive about this which would lead to his face turn. They’re interrupted by Foley’s music in the arena.

 

Here’s Foley complete with a cheap pop for saying Orlando. There’s a petition to bring Austin back apparently and there are a lot of signatures on it. Stacy comes out as a cheerleader to celebrate with Foley for getting that many signatures. Even Foley does a cartwheel. Here’s Evolution to complain though, in the form of Orton and Flair. Orton vs. Foley was teased forever but they didn’t pull the trigger for a long time. Orton says Austin is gone and Orton wants the IC Title. Foley takes off his shirt and is refereeing the IC Title match, which is RIGHT NOW.

 

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton

 

Rob takes him down quickly and Orton heads to the floor. Back in and we get some surprisingly decent chain wrestling, resulting in a standoff. Rob gets a shot to the ribs and a cross body off the top for two. Spinwheel kick puts Orton on the floor as Rob has been in control nearly the entire match so far. Big dive takes Orton out again as Rob threatens Flair a bit.

 

Slingshot legdrop gets two. He tries to go up again but Orton manages to shove him off, flying into the railing in one of his signature spots. Out to the floor and Orton gets that awesome dropkick of his. Back in and Orton chokes away with Rob making a hilarious face at the same time. Foley pulls Orton off Rob and Flair is TICKED.

 

Orton takes over with his usual stuff. Well usual for this time at least. It’s so weird to see him with only a few tattoos and normal looking skin. There’s the chinlock just to confirm it’s an Orton match. Big clothesline by Orton but he poses instead of covering. Seated dropkick gets two and it’s chinlock city again. Rob grabs a rolling cradle out of nowhere for two.

 

Split legged moonsault gets two. Orton hits a move of his I’ve always loved: he puts Rob on his shoulder like for a powerbomb and steps forward, pulling Rob down into a neckbreaker. Love that. Oh look here’s another chinlock. I know that’s a cliché for him but it’s true. Rob fights out of it after WAY too long and hits his spin kick to take over.

 

Off to the floor again and with Orton draped over the railing, Rob hits that spinwheel kick off the apron. Elevated DDT coming back in gets two. Knee drop by Orton misses and Van Dam gets a rollup with his legs for two. Rolling Thunder hits and there goes Flair whose hair is DRENCHED. Spinning kick takes down Randy again and it’s Five Star time. Flair has something in his hand but Foley takes him down. Orton dropkicks Rob off the ropes and there’s the RKO for the title.

 

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but Orton clearly didn’t know how to work a long match, although to be fair he still pretty much doesn’t. Van Dam is a weird guy to have carry you so Orton had to do a lot here. Foley would get spat on the next night and leave until the Rumble and then wrestle against Orton at Mania and Backlash. Either way, not bad here but not a classic.

 

We recap Christian/Jericho vs. Trish/Lita. This was a long story but a pretty good one at the same time. Jericho and Christian tried to hook up with Trish and Lita respectively with a secret bet being that whoever got to sleep with their respective chick first wins a single dollar, Canadian. Trish started to fall for Jericho and then overheard the whole story behind the bet.

 

The girls came out and held up the Canadian dollar that Christian put down for the bet. They actually beat up the Canadian guys and Eric made an intergender tag match. Jericho however started to feel bad about all this, beginning his face turn. This was a really good story and it worked all the way through Mania.

 

Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Lita/Trish Stratus

 

JR says that Bischoff is like Hussein. No, he isn’t. Jericho and Trish start us off and Jericho tries to explain. A right hand slap misses but the left connects. After all those years of Trish being the best female wrestler in the country, Trish becomes a slap fighter. Jericho spanks her which wakes Trish up a bit so she starts firing off some headscissors and dropkicks.

 

Christian tags himself in and wants Lita. Lita at least tries some more leverage and speed moves which is what she does in her regular matches so it makes sense. A slam puts Lita down and it’s off to Jericho. Then he stands on her hair and pulls her up. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Lita counters a powerbomb into a rana and it’s off to Christian. There goes Lita’s top which makes Christian far more popular.

 

Lita manages to get a low blow in and there’s Trish. THANKFULLY she wakes up and fights like she’s capable of doing, snapping off her forearms and the Chick Kick. Stratusfaction doesn’t work but she ducks to avoid a charging Christian and he goes to the floor. Lita crotches Jericho but the Stratusphere doesn’t work. Christian gets two but the Matrish sends Christian into Jericho for two. Lita snaps off a rana which she does better than almost anyone. Jericho checks on Trish and Christian rolls her up for the pin.

 

Rating: C. All things considered, not too bad here. Once Trish remembered how to wrestle this got a lot better. The men vs. women matches can work and this got close as the girls weren’t out there using nothing but chokes and slaps as they used their regular stuff and it worked pretty well. Not a great match or anything but for the purposes of this it was fine.

 

We recap Shawn vs. Batista. Shawn was the last man standing in the Survivor Series match and was making an incredibly comeback but Batista ran in and drilled Shawn with the Batista Bomb and Shawn couldn’t get up from that. Eric and Shawn blamed each other for Austin being gone as per the stipulations of the loss. Batista said he cost Shawn his job and Shawn said come get some, hence the following match.

 

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

 

Batista hadn’t been back long after a triceps injury so this is one of his first major singles feuds. This is Shawn’s 68^th PPV match. That’s a pretty awesome number, especially when this is Batista’s third match on PPV. Flair is with Batista here again. Shawn snaps off some punches in the corner which don’t do much damage but they’re something I guess. More of them land and Batista is getting annoyed.

 

Shawn fires some kicks into the leg and tags Ric on the floor. Back in the ring Batista gets his hands on Shawn and the pain begins. Suplex gets two. Big Dave works on the back which is still the focal point of Shawn every time he’s out there. There’s the forearm but Batista kills him with a clothesline after the nipup. To the floor we go and Shawn eats steps.

 

More back worth by Dave, this time in the form of a backbreaker. Shawn starts his comeback with a bunch of strikes and there’s a second forearm/nipup. A two handed choke by Batista is countered into a DDT to put both guys down. The big elbow hits and the fans are into it all of a sudden. Chin music is countered into a spinebuster though and there’s a second one. Batista Bomb is countered out of nowhere and Shawn hits the kick, falling on top for the pin.

 

Rating: B-. Not terrible but I wasn’t feeling the ending. I get the theory of it, which is Shawn can’t go toe to toe with him and needs to use his experience to get that one big shot in to take Batista down, but that doesn’t mean it worked. Not a bad match but Batista was still getting the hang of things and it showed. Shawn helped him through a lot of this, and that’s the point of a veteran.

 

Maven vs. Matt Hardy

 

Maven comes out while Batista is still in the ring and Big Dave is MAD. This is still Matt Hardy V 1.0. Today’s Matt fact is that his fingernails go quickly. They start it out on the ramp as Batista and Flair are still in the ring. Matt throws Maven into the ring and Batista kills him with some clotheslines and various other attacks, finishing it with the Bomb. Make that a pair of Bombs. No match due to the attack. This match was added on Heat so it’s not like this is some huge match that they’re taking from us. Matt counts a pin of his own which doesn’t count.

 

In the back Batista is still freaking out. See what I mean about the whole show being around one set of people? Flair tells him they’re walking out with title belts tonight.

 

Raw Tag Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

 

Gauntlet match more or less, with two teams starting and the winners advancing to face the next team. There are six teams total and we start with La Resistance vs. Rosey/Hurricane. The Dudleys are the champions coming in. Rosey takes over on Conway to start but it’s off to Hurricane very quickly. Out to the floor quickly which goes nowhere so back in for a full nelson by Conway.

 

Swinging neckbreaker gets no count because he’s under the ropes. Dupree comes in as we talk about France in Iraq. Never let it be said that Vince passes up a chance to cheer on AMERICA. Hurricane gets a face buster to escape and there’s a double tag. Rosey cleans house and throws out Dupree. A super splash off the shoulders of Rosey off the second rope ends Conway.

 

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade are in next, running through the crowd and stealing a rollup pin in maybe 20 seconds.

 

In next are Storm and Venis with the new guys taking over on Jindrak who escapes to bring in Cade. The fans tell Storm he’s boring which is a point to his character at this point. Storm speeds things up a bit but double teaming by the heels takes the heel down. Wait, actually I guess Storm and Venis are good guys. Works for me I guess. Storm avoids a splash in the corner and here’s Venis.

 

Val cleans house, destroying both guys with relative ease. He was always a pretty steady hand so that doesn’t really surprise me. Lance hits a Cactus Clothesline to take himself and Cade out. Val tries a suplex to bring Jindrak back in but it’s the Warrior at Mania 5 ending for them.

 

Team number five are the Dudleys, the reigning champions. The Dudleys take over and it’s a Tree of Woe for Cade. They’re only ten time champions here so this is a LONG time ago for them. Off to D-Von and Jindrak with Jindrak hitting a clothesline to get two. Jindrak isn’t that good at stomping. Cade goes up but mostly misses an elbow. Double tag and Bubba cranks it up. Everything breaks down and D-Von and Jindrak trade rollups. Dropkick misses and 3D ends Jindrak.

 

The final team is Steiner/Test. Bubba may have hurt his shoulder. Double team on Bubba but he manages to take Test down. Suplex sends Bubba flying and Test works on his arm a bit. We finally get something normal going with Steiner vs. Bubba. Steiner drops the elbow and actually covers, getting two. Fujiwara Armbar by Steiner and it’s off to Test who works on the arm even more.

 

Up to the corner and Bubba shoves Test off and ACTUALLY HITS THE BACKSPLASH!!! I’ve never seen him hit that ever and shockingly enough the guy he hit it on is now dead. Double tag brings in Steiner and D-Von. Neckbreaker takes Scotty down and another one to Test gets two. Double teaming occurs by the challengers and Test gets a sidewalk slam for two. Test accidentally kicks Steiner but Test gets a full nelson slam to D-Von for two. Nice move by the Canadian to send in the belt as a decoy and then he gets a chair shot with the referee distracted. Doesn’t work as a Bubba Bomb gets the pin on Test but nice idea.

 

That would be the end in theory but here’s Bischoff to announce that there’s a final team, who have used their favor for winning at Survivor Series. Yep it’s Flair/Batista. This lasts about 90 seconds and the Dudleys get in maybe two punches combined. Batista gets the powerbomb on D-Von for the titles.

 

Rating: C-. Hard to call these because they’re more or less just a bunch of Raw matches thrown together into a 20 minute match. It’s ok but if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen the vast majority of them. It really does show you how weak the division is when the Dudleys are the only realistic team that could win in there. Nothing great but I’ve seen worse.

 

We hear about Christmas in Baghdad a bit and we get some clips of a press conference about it.

 

Raw Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Ivory

 

This is a bonus match. Molly is champion and there’s no story to this whatsoever. The thing with Molly at this point is she’s a virgin and she’s frustrated all the time. From what I remember she was a virgin until she was married in real life. That’s rather cool. Molly is sent to the floor as no one cares about this at all. Ivory hits a flip off the apron to take Molly down again.

 

Back inside as there’s nothing going on here at all. You can tell this is the food break match before the main event and that’s fine. You have to have one of those I guess. Armbar goes on by Molly as we talk about anything but this match. JR apologizes for having nothing to say because he doesn’t have any notes for it. Molly hits a Muta elbow for two. Ivory gets a rollup which is reversed into one by Molly for the pin.

 

Rating: D+. Just a match really here. Was there going to be anything of note here at all expected? It’s just a bonus match so it’s not like you can really complain here. Neither of these chicks would wind up doing anything else in the division for more or less the rest of time, so there you are.

 

We recap the main event. Goldberg beat HHH at Survivor Series on a broken ankle. You would think that would end the feud but HHH said we’re not done yet. Then Kane just kind of jumped in for no apparent reason. A triple threat was made and we get a music video out of it.

 

Raw World Title: Kane vs. HHH vs. Goldberg

 

Goldberg is champion. The first minute is literally just standing around yelling at each other. Way to use that PPV time guys! The first shot hits after about a minute and twenty seconds and Goldberg gets double teamed. After a solid beating, Goldberg gets a shot in via a clothesline but Kane takes him down with ease. Goldberg fights them both off for a bit and knocks HHH to the floor.

 

Kane sits up and it’s time for the showdown. After the taller one takes over, Goldberg gets a spinning neckbreaker but HHH comes back in before he can capitalize. The top rope clothesline is countered by a slam but Goldberg actually can’t get HHH up for a gorilla press. Spear is loaded up and the crowd gets up for it, only for Kane to kick his head off and hammer away on his fellow member of the bald brotherhood.

 

Double suplex to Goldberg and HHH applauds Kane, who hits a powerslam on Billy Boy. HHH tries to steal the pin and we knew we’d get here eventually. HHH gets knocked to the floor but Kane clothesline Goldberg on the top rope. JR calls it bowling shoe ugly as HHH pops Kane with a chair to prevent a chokeslam. Goldberg gets the chair and goes to Pillmanize HHH’s ankle like HHH hired Batista to do.

 

Kane saves the Game for no apparent reason. I guess this doesn’t have a password system. Out to the floor and we load up the announce table. Goldberg fights Kane off and tries to Jackhammer him through the table, but HHH gets a chair shot in to break it up. Kane chokeslams the other bald dude on the table but it doesn’t break. HHH drops an elbow to put him though it though and pops him with a chair also.

 

Kane sees HHH holding the chair and isn’t happy. Then again Kane is never happy so that works out well. Kane actually lets HHH live, only to be sent into the steps as soon as he turns his back. Pedigree on the floor doesn’t work and Kane goes all evil again. Back in the ring and Kane hits some of his signature spots. The big clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam, but HHH gets a thumb to the eye to break it up.

 

DDT puts Kane down but Kane sits up. Neckbreaker doesn’t get a cover either so Kane sits up again. They fight to the floor as Goldberg is still down. Pretty weak chokeslam on the ramp so only Kane is left standing. Everyone gets back in the ring and Goldberg spears Kane down for two. Everybody punches everybody and Goldberg takes over. Another spear to Kane and one to HHH as well. Cue Evolution and we keep going. Goldberg and Kane choke each other to huge booing and there’s a low blow to set up the chokeslam on Goldberg. Batista pops up to pull Kane out so HHH can steal the title.

 

Rating: D+. This ran twenty minutes which is really not something that you want to do when you have three people that work more or less the exact same style. Not a very good match here as this got old quickly. It’s also rather boring to see the same stuff over and over again in three ways. This really needed a different guy besides Kane out there to change up the styles and it would have helped a lot if that had been the case.

 

Overall Rating: D. Really weak show here with nothing at all being very good. The total Evolution dominance isn’t that interesting either as it’s all the same stuff over and over again all night long. I’ve seen worse shows, but at the same time things just dragged on this show. This is another example of a show that would have been ok as an In Your House, but as a regular PPV, this wasn’t very good at all. Nothing to see here.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Tables Ladders And Chairs 2009
Date: December 13, 2009
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 15,226
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker

So here we are as I finish off this string of shows and have everything from Night of Champions 09 to whatever show is the latest when you read this review. This show is about violence as we have FOUR gimmick matches: a ladder match, a table match, a chair match and a combo platter with a TLC match. This was a pretty weak looking card on paper but I had a lot of fun with this show. That being said, let’s wrap up this string of shows and get to it.

The video is about going through all of those weapons. Oddly enough just minutes before this, we heard that chair shots to the head are no longer legal under the Wellness Policy. Talk about irony. The set is cool as there are ladders hanging from the ceiling. I like that.

ECW Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

This is the ladder match. I had almost gotten to the point of being sure that Benjamin would be winning here. Ah sweet we have the three man commentary team now. That’s a great thing to have for the PPVs. Christian gets a solid pop. Dang man there are ladders EVERYWHERE. Why in the world would you ask Lawler about his strategy for a ladder match? Actually that’s good as that’s his job.

Cole has gotten better at setting him up with softball questions which is what King is there for. This should be very awesome. The ECW Title has never changed hands in Texas. Could be because ECW didn’t go to Texas that much but whatever. We hit the floor and Christian gets the BIG ladder. And that doesn’t work so there we are. He’s in the ring with a ladder first but something tells me this isn’t how the match ends and I’m right as Shelton makes the save.

If nothing else Shelton is one of the few people that truly impresses me in the ring at times. Not a lot of people have ever been able to do that but there are times when he has my jaw hanging open. Christian is busted open and I’m pretty sure it’s legit as a ladder fell on his head. Yeah that’s legit. And here’s a guy to check on him. Oh dear. The fans chant WE WANT BLOOD. I love modern crowds. There’s a Santa in the crowd. That’s cool if nothing else.

For no apparent reason Shelton climbs a ladder on the floor. Sure why not? And it’s table time now. Apparently not as Shelton sets up a ladder between the ring and the announce table. Something tells me I know what’s coming. Nothing happens with it yet as we’re back in the ring. Shelton sets for what would be a Stinger Splash but Christian just throws the ladder at him. Simple yet effective.

Crowd is WAY behind Christian. I’m not sure if I like them going with the big ladders here or not. I think I do but I’m not sure. Shelton gets up the ladder and Christian shoves him off very slowly, but Shelton lands on the top rope on his feet. Think about that for a minute. That’s amazing. I know there isn’t much to criticize here but it’s a solid match. Yeah those ladders hanging from the ceiling look awesome. Shelton with a powerslam from the top of the ladder that looks better than it sounds.

Shelton does the Jeff Hardy spot where he hangs from the belt. I’ve always found that stupid. Why not just unhook the stupid thing? Striker wants to know that too. Spotfests are fun. In a mostly cool looking spot, Shelton does that slingshot sunset flip into a powerbomb but Christian reverses into a hurricanrana. Nicely done but slightly botched which is understandable given the move they were trying to do. And now we get to the ladder they set up as a table earlier.

Shelton is trying to hit a German Suplex to Christian through the ladder but it’s blocked and Shelton lands on it. Christian dives through it and the ladder breaks. Has NOTHING on the Hardy/Edge version. Not a thing and the crowd is clearly not as into it as they wanted them to be. It ends the match though.

Rating: B+. Total spotfest but fun. It was missing that epic spot to make it legendary though. Still though, perfect choice for the opener and it did exactly what it was supposed to do: get the crowd into the show. Very entertaining match and I think I lowballed it here.

We recap DX vs. Chris Jericho from Raw where Show beat up DX with ease and Jericho ACTUALLY PINNED HHH! Oh never mind that was a different show.

Intercontinental Title: Drew McIntyre vs. John Morrison

McIntyre was somehow more bland here than he is now if you can believe that. He doesn’t have the sweet entrance yet either. Morrison gets the preteen girl pop. The slow-mo entrance is cool no matter what people say. Striker says it’s been 20 years since there had been a new IC Champion in Texas. That’s so wrong I don’t know where to start. We’ll ignore Rey at Mania 25 right?

Drew is dominating the early parts of the match so far which is expected. This is a far more traditional match than the previous one which comes off as a nice change of pace to me. McIntyre hits a reverse Alabama Slam. I like that. Striker calls it an Alabama Jam, which was Bobby Eaton’s top rope legdrop so that’s just wrong. We’re on the floor now as this has been a pretty decent match. Starship Pain kind of hits.

Cole and Striker actually aren’t sure if it did or not. That’s not a good sign at all. Drew’s foot is under the rope though so there you are. Striker cites the official’s handbook. I want to read that someday. Could be fun. Drew has a foreign object which makes sense for him and the double arm DDT ends Morrison’s reign.

Rating: B-. Solid stuff here. I liked McIntyre more because of this match as Morrison looked good in a loss which is all you can ask of him. I like the double arm DDT as it’s Foley’s move which makes it awesome. Morrison would be in a main event in two months so what more can you ask for?

Quick question: Cole says this is his first major singles title. What’s a minor singles title?

Promo for the Slammys. That show sucked.

Vince congratulates Drew but Josh interrupts…and Vince leaves? Ok then. Drew says it was inevitable. Sheamus shows up and says that was impressive but he’s going to win too.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Mickie Jamesvs. Michelle McCool

I think the Piggy James story just started. Ah yes it has. I liked that angle actually. Michelle looks a tad off here but she still looks decent. We get the Piggy James skit too to hammer this home. Dang Layla looks good too. Lawler points out the obvious: Mickie James is hot. Michelle has crosses on her outfit and Striker says she should be in the HOF. Ok then. We get a weird staredown from the floor to the ring. It’s weirder than it sounds.

This isn’t much at all as it’s your standard TV women’s match. They say the wrong name of the Bash, calling it the Great American version of it. You ethnocentric jerks! Boring match so far. Oh great now we’re on the floor. Who would want to be on the floor with one of these two? Yeah I hate this match. All I can do is look at the women here so there we are. And Layla interferes and Michelle gets the pin. Well at least it’s over now.

She just kicked her? It was a regular kick and that’s enough to get the pin? Cole, San Antonio isn’t the 2nd biggest city in Texas. last it can we get a competent announcer? Please? Oh. Apparently it is bigger than Dallas. Well Cole still sucks so there we are.

Rating: D-. Oh this was bad. I never once cared about this match at all and at least at the time it made no sense because of the Piggy James thing. Now to be fair by the end of it Mickie won…only to lose again. This was a horrible match though that sucked beyond belief. The only perk was the women so there we are.

Recap of Cena vs. Sheamus. Sheamus won a battle royal to get this match and it was deemed a tables match. I like it and at the time I actually had this little feeling that Sheamus would do it. I never said it because I believed it was nuts. Let’s get to it though. The booking here was nothing short of brilliant.

Everything both guy said was true and I totally bought into the whole thing. Rewatching this I’m totally buying into the build for it. That’s a great sign. Cena saying he can make Sheamus a footnote is a great line.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. John Cena

Oh man I’m actually fired up for this match. That’s impressive as that hardly ever happens to me on live show let alone ones that are three months old. We see an Irish newspaper with Sheamus in it. That’s just awesome. Oh there are also tables and chairs hanging from the ceilings. That really is a cool look. There’s the little kid pop for Cena. Love it. Love him or hate him, the guy gets a reaction everywhere he goes. Can’t beat that.

It’s big match intro time which really does help things out a lot I think. It makes you feel like you’re watching something special. I’m glad they never had Lawler follow up on getting kicked. Cole says the last foreign born WWE Champion was Yokozuna. Jericho and Edge think Cole is an idiot. Sheamus goes for a table after about 2 minutes. At least he gets to the point. His back is either bleeding or bruised badly.

Either way it has some color to it now. This is the first time Sheamus has ever really been tested so that’s something to keep in mind. Cena gets the first table out but no one goes through it. Back in the ring we get a tease of Cena going through the table as he’s on the apron and Sheamus pounds on him. The drama here is so simple yet it’s great. FU through the table is blocked.

The idea here is simple: Sheamus doesn’t have to pin him or get a tap or anything like that. He has to knock him down in the right spot. That’s brilliant booking when you think about it as it’s unrealistic that Sheamus could beat Cena clean yet, but it’s perfectly reasonable for him to put Cena through a table as he’s done it once before. In case you can’t tell, I like the idea of this match. FU is reversed again. This has been decent so far.

Actually it’s been more than decent as they’re fighting on the ramp now. Cena is ticked off now and it’s more interesting because of it. He’s a great character. Yeah I said it. Back in the ring and Cena has another table. I wonder how packed it is underneath that ring. There’s the pump kick from Sheamus and Cena is down. We’ve got a table in the ring now with Cena down. Make that in the corner but whatever. I’m digging this match.

Five Knuckle Shuffle hits. Sheamus throws the table out. Brilliant again. It’s not often that you see psychology in gimmick matches but that was a good bit of it there. Table in play again as you can feel the ending coming. Cena’s cardio is uncanny. It really is as they’ve been fighting almost 15 minutes and Cena is barely breathing hard.

With the table in the middle of the ring, Cena puts Sheamus on the top to set up the FU. You can feel the crowd being nervous here as Sheamus counters. Instead he goes for a suplex but it’s countered and Cena is shoved through the table and SHEAMUS WINS THE TITLE! I have never heard a crowd go that silent that fast. Love it.

Rating: A. Not for the quality of the match, but for the shock. To anyone that says Cena doesn’t put people over or that WWE doesn’t make any new stars, I give you Exhibit A. This was legit shocking and a legit upset. The Live Discussion I was in for the PPV came to a screeching halt when this happened. Great moment that did exactly what it was supposed to do. I loved this and it was a great moment. The kids being in shock is a great sight.

Cena leaves, completely shocked. He picks up a small piece of the table and slips it into his pocket and leaves to cheers, which is the name of the show I have on in the background oddly enough.

Promo for Tribute To The Troops which is just straight up cool.

Lawler tries to argue that Cena fell through rather than getting pushed which lasts all of 2 seconds.

Switchfoot did the theme song. Worst live band I’ve ever heard.

We recap Taker vs. Batista which is really just Batista’s heel turn and getting the shot through some win that meant nothing. Ok this recap is WAY too long.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

This is a chairs match, which means that chairs are legal. Holy crap what a stupid match idea that is. No one knew what it was leading up to the match as we couldn’t fathom that this was what it would be. We were wrong I guess. We immediately get to the stupidity of the rules. You can only win by pinfall or submission. Ok, cool. That means no DQ right? If you can’t lose by disqualification, that means there are no disqualifications right?

Well if that’s the case, why do chairs need to be deemed legal? If there are no disqualifications, doesn’t that mean that everything, including chairs are legal? If you can’t get disqualified then why are only chairs legal? Also, have you ever noticed that everyone Taker fights, Cole says they dominate the Undertaker like no other? In that case wouldn’t it mean they all dominate him the same? Maybe I’m thinking into this too much.

Batista belongs as a heel. That’s all there is to it. I have to say all this to kill time as both guys’ entrances take the better part of ever. Dude, someone light a fire on Taker to get him to the ring faster. It worked at Elimination Chamber so it’ll work here. Oddly enough Lawler talks about the flames on the way to the ring which is just amusing. Apparently Batista has been Taker’s toughest competition.

That would be Bret Hart who Taker never beat in a title match so there you are. Oh and remember: Batista is NOT afraid. This is BY FAR the longest intro to a match I’ve written in a long time. I like being all wordy like this again. Ok, NOW there can be countouts and DQs? Then why did the announcer say that you can only win by pinfall or submission? I hate WWE at times. That’s the nature of the beast though.

Oh apparently Batista beat Kane to be number one contender. Good to know I guess. Chairs are in play now. This is really just a no DQ match which is ok, but the chair thing is just kind of stupid when you think of it. It’s ok, but at the same time there’s just nothing special really. The ring sounds overly metallic tonight too. It’s not at the levels that The Wrestling Classic was at but it’s still loud.

There’s the spear which I think is growing on me from Batista. He’s got the size to pull it off if nothing else. Spinebuster onto a chair and Batista is WARRIORING UP! He goes for Taker but instead we get the Go Go Platypus from Taker. After some more stuff we get the most oversold low blow this side of Honky Tonk Man from Taker. And a chair shot from Batista…gives him the belt? Cue up Long. I can feel the Dusty Finish coming and there it is.

No music but he’s talking so it’s close enough. Long says pardon his interruption. Are they watching my TV or something as PTI is on now. Long of course says no title switch on the low blow. My head hurts. Restart the match. Tombstone ends it in about 30 seconds.

Rating: D. I did not like this match at all and the ending just killed it even worse than the match itself did. The rules were overly complicated and they should have gone with a chair on a pole or something match like that. This was by far and away the weakest in their usually very good series. Did not like this at all.

Naturally we get a ton of replays of what we just saw. Was Batista champion for a few seconds there? I’m not sure.

Ad for the really good Rumble from this current year.

For a change of pace, let’s recap something! This time it’s Kofi vs. Orton, which was a really good buildup to me. Also it got rid of Kofi’s stupid accent so that’s a perk. The car promo is still great. During this period, Kofi stopped being a goof and started being a credible worker. We also get the MSG Boom Drop which is awesome as all goodness still.

Kofi is in the back warming up and Legacy walks up to him. Yep this is pointless. And Kofi walks into Orton’s locker room. This is odd.

Mariachis are singing on the River Walk. That sounds like some weird code for something or other.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Randy is getting some slight pops at this point. I think I like Kofi’s weird starting stance. This feud got a decent build to it and I think this is their first full on match one on one. When I say full on I mean they had a short one on Raw that ended in a DQ which was just a few minutes long. I guess Orton has been around long enough to have a vintage. I love that snap powerslam he does if nothing else. Gah Scott Armstrong is the referee here.

I’m glad he’s gone if nothing else. In a SWEET sequence, Kofi catwalks up the steps to the apron up the buckles and then comes off the ropes with a dive to the floor but Orton hits a perfect dropkick to the ribs to block it. That was SWEET. I said SWEET twice. You could even say that was just….two….SWEET! Wow that was a bad pun. Back to the match I think. Orton kicks Kingston in the ribs a lot. Orton is getting more and more pops here and it’s odd to hear.

The pace of this match needs to pick up a bit and as I say that it begins to. Wow I have good timing. Boom Drop hits. The spin kick hits but Orton gets the ropes to a BIG reaction, so the crowd is into this at least. Out of nowhere Orton hits the elevated DDT. Wouldn’t Kofi’s hair block some of that? The Punt is blocked. Dive on the ball you idiots! Another Trouble In Paradise misses to set up the RKO for the ending.

Rating: B-. Good here but not great. Kingston looked good in losing as the whole story leading up to this was about him shedding his goofy image and it worked very well. Kingston wasn’t ready to beat Orton clean so that’s good I think. I liked it but it felt a bit flat. I think it was because this was added 6 days prior to the show so it kind of felt like filler. Still good though.

Don’t try this at home.

Batista is mad at Long and threatens him. He’s right too. Long, don’t try to act. You’re really bad at it.

Watch the awful Slammys tomorrow!

Unified Tag Titles: Degeneration X vs. Chris Jericho/Big Show

No recap here. Odd. Hmm let’s see. DX, the most ridiculously over tag team in the better part of ever in Shawn’s hometown main eventing a PPV that the main event is named after for titles they’ve never won. Yeah my money is on the champions too. In case you need a recap, they just don’t like each other. There’s your recap. I think I like Striker saying “In this analyst’s opinion.” It’s different if nothing else.

And now that they’re broken up, I like Jerishow’s music. This really was the only choice for the main event given the name of the show. Lawler points out the weight issues that Show is going to have with the ladder which is true. Table is brought in first. This really is a star studded main event. I think Show has the fewest world titles with what, 4-5? Or is it Shawn with 4? Either way, that’s saying a heck of a lot.

Yeah not counting the ECW Title as a world title, it’s Show with 4 and Shawn with 4 so you could go with Show ahead with the ECW Title as back then you could argue it was a world title. Even still it’s quite impressive. Naturally the first few minutes aren’t worth much but what do you expect really? HHH has a Pedigree countered on the ramp and all four of them are up there now.

Jericho and Shawn have a chair duel which is fun for a Zorro fan like me. It’s nice to see big stars get into matches like this. I like it if nothing else. The ring looks odd on an HD feed. You might notice I’m not talking about the match much but at this point there’s not much to talk about. DX suplexes a ladder onto Jericho in a cool spot. I love how they say it’s Shawn’s ladder match experience that tells him where to put the ladder.

I’d call it common sense myself but that’s just me. Shawn does a Flair Flip into HHH who is in the corner and hanging upside down from a ladder. Only in wrestling would that sound anything close to normal. In a SICK spot, HHH just throws a ladder over the top rope and hits Jericho in the head with it. Not quite to the level of Kane and Umaga with the steps but close enough I guess. It’s secondary finishers a go-go as Show is the only one left. He sets up a ladder but HHH gets him with a chair shot.

Show just shakes it off. I love that. DX stops his next attempt and hits a double Pedigree. HHH busts out a powerbomb to save the match. That’s a new one from him I think. And Show breaks the ladder. Thank you Striker for making sense of it: now DX can’t climb it. I don’t think I would have gotten that otherwise, and that’s not sarcasm. Oh wait: there’s more than one ladder, making that whole sequence TOTALLY POINTLESS.

The ladder is literally in two pieces. That’s freaking scary when you think about it since Show ripped it up by himself. In a cute spot, Jericho gets on Show’s shoulders but DX is waiting on them. Shawn gets up and kicks the defenseless Show, sending Jericho over the top rope and HEAD FIRST into a table.

That was one of the most painful looking bumps I have ever seen period. It’s a creative ending if nothing else. Now, using a little thing called common sense, HHH holds up the half of the ladder and Shawn climbs it. See why being a heel is bad now? It makes you stupid. Massive posing ends the show.

Rating: B. This was a bit weaker, but the right ending happened which is always a good sign. This sent the fans home happy and ended JeriShow’s reign properly. I’m not wild on the match itself, but it did what it was supposed to do so it gets a solid grade for it. There were some decent spots too and it’s far from a bad match, just not a great one.

OverallRating: B+. I really liked this show. I liked it a lot actually. I think I can safely call this the best of the “gimmick” shows so far as the whole night was about violence and how the gimmicks change things, such as with the Sheamus match. This had a good bit of everything in it and it came off as great to me.

The Divas match was weak but even still it had hot women and was relatively short. The Chair match is bearable I guess and Taker fans will like it. Still, 5/7 is a solid rating and I liked just about everything on this whole card. Definitely worth checking out as it’s a good show and a great ending to the year.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a massive celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by freaking up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his tights.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant bull at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t nonsenes. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks very good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get their heads handed to them on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw you Vince. This was just freaking dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to rip off the audience like this, screw you.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit tick off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who possible cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is OVER. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of garbage, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in the MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had FREAKING TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU CENSORED KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just so dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

It’s not that surprising.Punk vs. Ryback in a TLC match, meaning a match where Ryback can get screwed over……again.

Survivor Series 2012
Date: November 18, 2012
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indianapolis
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re up to one of the Big Four PPVs and I really don’t care. Seriously, what reason is there for me to care about this show? We have a rematch from last month and a triple threat with Cena involved this time but no Cell. Oh and a Survivor Series match between two teams with captains that have talked all of maybe twice ever since we decided to change the main event after a week. Let’s get to it.

Pre Show: 3MB vs. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder

It’s Slater and Mahal here. Ryder vs. Mahal gets things going as Striker rips on Ryder for being so prominent on Facebook and Twitter. That may indeed be stupid, but if Ryder ever gets out of wrestling, he can legitimately call himself a creator of a successful web series, and that’ll likely get him a job in the real world. Not bad for some social media geek is it? Off to Santino who works on Mahal’s arm before it’s off to Ryder again to beat on Slater. A running elbow in the corner gets two as the announcers talk about music.

McIntyre trips up Santino and the heels take over. That lasts so short of an amount of time that I don’t have anything to type about it before Santino comes in and beats up the band members. Slater gets in a knee to the ribs and 3MB takes over again. A clothesline to the back of the head gets two and it’s chinlock time. Santino dives away from Mahal and there’s the hot tag to Ryder. House is cleaned and the Broski Boot hits Mahal. The Rough Ryder puts Slater down but McIntyre blasts Zack in the back of the head with a cast. A full nelson slam from Mahal gets the pin on Ryder for the pin at 6:11.

Rating: C-. Just a tag match here but having 3MB on my screen is always a good thing anymore. It’s a great example of how a simple repackaging into something different can breathe new life into someone’s career. That’s old school booking and it often gives you the right answer that you’re looking for. Having McIntyre go out there and be called the Chosen One or the guy that was often called the Chosen One for years on end isn’t going to get him anywhere. Changing him into something completely different and repackaging him has given his character more life than anything he’s done since he debuted.

The opening video is the same history deal they’ve done for the last five years or so. Is there any show that does that? They talk about the two world title matches as well, but the Survivor Series isn’t mentioned at all.

David Otunga is replacing Rhodes.

Team Clay vs. Team Tensai

Brodus Clay, Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Tyson Kidd, Justin Gabriel

Tensai, Prime Time Players, Primo, Epico

My goodness they’re USING THE BIG FREAKING ROSTER THEY HAVE. This is a smart move that they never use for some reason. I miss the King’s stupid lines. Apparently the fans got to pick Rosa’s dress tonight. Uh….sure. Kidd and Epico start things off with Kidd taking it down to the mat quickly. Off to an armbar by Kidd before Epico bridges into a backslide. This is some awesome stuff actually. Kidd sends him to the floor but Epico slams him face first into the apron to take over.

Off to Gabriel for some kicks and a legsweep before it’s right back to Kidd. Scratch that as it’s Young vs. Mysterio now as this is hitting a bit of a dull spot. Cara and Mysterio hit a combination wheelbarrow slam/X-Factor for two for Cara. Primo comes in and takes the Tajiri Elbow and a rana to send him into the corner. Primo slams him down and it’s off to the Big Bald. JBL rattles off some NJPW stats for Tensai and it’s off to O’Neal.

That also goes nowhere so it’s off to Epico again for a camel clutch. Cara finally escapes and hits an enziguri before making the tag to Brodus. Everything breaks down and the four tag team guys on the heel team are sent to the floor. Kidd and Gabriel hit stereo suicide dives to take out the Puerto Ricans and the masked guys hit stereo Asai Moonsaults to take out the Players. Awesome sequence there.

This leaves the two monsters left in the ring alone in a match we’ve seen a lot of times before. Clay tries his overhead suplex attempt but it basically turns into a Downward Spiral, which makes me wonder if there’s more to Ryback not being able to Shell Shock Tensai. Brodus misses a splash in the corner and gets shoulder blocked down. The backsplash from Tensai takes out Clay and we’re down to 5-4.

Kidd tries to fire off some kicks but gets run over as well. Off to Titus again with an abdominal stretch to slow things down. A backbreaker from Titus puts Gabriel down and the backsplash from Tensai gets two. A second attempt misses and Justin rolls him up for the pin. Back to O’Neal as we’re down to what this match likely should have been in the first place.

Epico comes in to chop away and hit a butterfly suplex for two on Gabriel. Off to some chinlockery but Epico misses an elbow drop and there’s the hot tag to Kidd. Scratch the hot part as he’s immediately sent to the floor and stomped on by Primo. Back to Titus for more pounding but a big boot misses and O’Neal crotches himself on the top rope, allowing Kidd to hook his spinning sunset flip for the elimination.

Young immediately comes in to stomp away as it’s Cara/Mysterio/Kidd/Gabriel vs. Epico/Primo/Young. Epico comes in and rolls some belly to back suplexes but Kidd sweeps the legs and it’s a Sharpshooter for the elimination. It is Survivor Series after all. Primo comes in now and suplexes Kidd down, only to dive off the top onto some knees.

There’s the hot tag to Rey who speeds things up and kicks Primo in the head for two. The seated senton by Rey gets two and La Magistral leaves Young on his own. There’s the 619, a Swanton from Cara, a top rope Lionsault from Justin, a top rope elbow from Kidd and a top rope splash from Rey to END Young for the win at 18:27.

Rating: B-. Very solid choice for an opener here with everyone looking good to great out there. This is what they should do with the three hour Raw’s: let the small guys go out there and tear the house down for ten minutes or so to fire up the crowd. This worked really well for an opening match and the high flying sequences were all really fun. Good, fun match here which is what the roster is capable of when it doesn’t have stupid writing weighing it down.

Kaitlyn is heading to the ring when some blonde chick attacks her. Oh it’s Aksans in a wig. Eve comes up and pretends to know nothing about this. Kaitlyn shoves her down and makes fun of her.

Divas Title: Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres

Eve is defending after ducking Kaitlyn for a few months now. It’s a catfight to start with Kaitlyn throwing the wig in her face. Kaitlyn pounds away on her as you can see how bad she really is out there. She has no idea what she’s doing for the most part and is doing stuff that looks like she’s imitating wrestling more than anything else. Eve tries to run into the crowd and is thrown into the barricade for her efforts.

Back in and Eve kicks Kaitlyn down to take over. Kaitlyn gets choked in the corner and the champ drops an elbow for two. Off to that triangle choke that Eve uses to fill in some time while giving us some good shots of Eve’s legs. Eve loads up the moonsault but gets shoved down to the apron. Kaitlyn comes back and pounds away some more with a gutbuster getting two. Eve trips her up and hits her spinning neckbreaker out of nowhere to retain at 7:02.

Rating: D-. As usual, Kaitlyn proves she’s just not very good in the ring. She’s built and has a pretty face which is all you need in modern WWE to be a successful Diva, but at the same time it doesn’t mean her matches are any less painful to sit through. Eve is at least competent in the ring but she needs more to work with here.

We get a clip from the preshow where Del Rio and Ziggler argue over the tag match. Team Foley argued too until Foley calmed them down and said he needed all of them to work together.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth

Truth is challenging for no apparent reason at all. Cesaro makes fun of Thanksgiving before the match because Americans have nothing to be thankful for. He makes fun of how bad things are in America compared to Europe and the energy Cesaro has here is good stuff. Truth quickly rolls him up twice for two each and punches him in the head a few times. Cesaro comes back with some punches in the corner of his own as JBL talks about Antonio trying to learn Russian.

Off to a double arm submission attempt followed by a gutwrench to slow Truth down. This is REALLY not the kind of a match they needed to wake up a crowd that is kind of dead so far. The gutwrench suplex gets two and the uppercut gets the same. Back to the freaking gutwrench before Truth fights up and gets two off a spin kick and the same off a Stunner. The ax kick misses and it’s the uppercut and Neutralizer to retain the title at 6:58.

Rating: D. This was a Smackdown match and nothing more. After a match which was literally added to the card tonight and a terrible Divas match, this wasn’t the right idea. Truth had no chance coming into this match and he only had a few moments where he was even on offense. Nothing to see here at all for the most part.

TLC ad which is like an Otunga law ad.

We watch the AJ/Cena/Vickie segment from Raw. THIS IS A FREAKING PAY PER VIEW. WHY ARE WE WATCHING A SEGMENT FROM RAW??? Oh, because here’s AJ for ANOTHER segment in this story that no one cares about BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER. They’re both single but apparently Vickie is just being evil and oh what’s the freaking point. She accuses Vickie of having a secret of her own and here’s Vickie to yell some more.

We get stupid fake Photoshopped images of Vickie and Ricardo Rodriguez sharing burritos. There’s another one of her with JR and one with her and Brodus. They admit this is stupid and stare at each other a bit until AJ says that if either touches the other, they’re fired. SO WHAT ARE WE BUILDING TOWARDS THEN??? Oh apparently it’s Tamina Snuka we’re building to, as she jumps AJ and beats her down. You know, because this feud doesn’t have enough worthless people in it already.

Heyman talks about how Punk is the 8^th longest reigning WWE Champion ever and how he’s the best in the world.

We recap Sheamus vs. Big Show. They had a great match at HIAC where Show won the title off a pair of KO Punches. Tonight is the rematch and Sheamus is MAD.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Big Show

Show is defending in case you’re rather stupid. We get some big match intros and we’re ready to go. Sheamus pounds away to start but Show punches him down to take over. The chops in the corner have Sheamus in trouble but he comes back with a shoulder to take out Show’s leg. We go old school to have Show tied up in the ropes where Sheamus pounds away. The ten forearms in the ropes hit but Show rolls to the floor to avoid a Brogue Kick.

Back in and Sheamus tries the top rope shoulder but Show spears him out of the air. This is one of those battle of the giants which is always cool. There’s not much better than two big guys beating on each other. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor for a bit as Show is in full control. Back in and Cole talks about Show winning the world title in the main event of Survivor Series 1999 in, and I quote, one of the greatest Survivor Series matches ever. Does anyone even remember that match? If you don’t, trust me when I say it’s not anything great.

Show works over the arm for some reason before pounding him down even more. This is a slow match but it’s not terrible or anything. Sheamus gets knocked to the floor but comes back in with the slingshot shoulder. Not that it means anything as Show kicks him down and gets two off an elbow. It’s nerve hold time followed by a side slam for two. Sheamus fights up and goes with the classic strategy of choking Show out while on his back.

Sheamus pounds away but misses a charge, sending him shoulder first into the post. Show loads up the Vader Bomb but in the HOKEY SMOKE spot of the match, Sheamus counters into an electric chair drop for two. They slug it out from their knees with Sheamus taking over. A KO Punch misses and there’s a shoulder to take Show down. A double ax does the same followed by Sheamus escaping the chokeslam and hitting White Noise for two. Here comes the Brogue Kick but Show pulls the referee in the way. With the referee being checked on, Show knocks out Sheamus and pins him to retain at 14:40.

Rating: C-. This was nowhere near as good as last month but this was a completely different kind of match. This was more of a regular match with a stupid ending which is designed to do nothing more than keep the feud going. While that’s better than the reasons we got more Sheamus vs. Del Rio (Del Rio wanting more shots), it doesn’t mean we need another match in the feud at all. The match here was slow, although not boring and the fans were getting into it which is a good thing. The ending hurt it more than anything else.

Oh and one more thing: JBL is great on commentary here in the vein of Jesse Ventura. He was cheering for Sheamus at the end because Sheamus earned his praise by being tough during the match. It’s nice to see commentators who can be swayed during the match like that.

Show gets disqualified by another referee and Sheamus wins. Well sure why not. Sheamus destroys Show and his knee with a chair and Brogue Kicks Show while Show is on one knee. Methinks a chairs match is obvious now.

Show literally crawls up the aisle as the fans cheer for Ziggler. He gets on a knee and we go to a Rolling Stones concert ad. According to a live report I read, Show got up and walked to the back like it was fine. You know, because limping is too much to ask for of him.

Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley

Dolph Ziggler, Damien Sandow, David Otunga, Alberto Del Rio, Wade Barrett

Randy Orton, The Miz, HELL NO, Kofi Kingston

If you can figure out why Foley and Ziggler are feuding, you’re smarter than I am because for all I can tell, they’ve spoken about twice ever. Otunga and Kofi get things going with Kingston getting a rollup for two. Trouble in Paradise is teased but David heads to the floor and gets dived on. Off to Bryan for the fans to chant YES a lot but Otunga comes back with a side slam for two.

Sandow comes in for the Wind-Up Elbow for two and it’s off to a chinlock. Bryan fights up and hits a running knee in the corner and some hard kicks to keep Sandow in trouble. Damien starts walking out but Kane throws him back in for a chokeslam and the first elimination. Bryan and Kane argue some more until Kane shoves Bryan to the floor. The distraction allows Ziggler to Zig Zag Kane down for the elimination. That move really does look all that great, especially when Kane is completely fresh.

Miz and Orton get in an argument before Randy gets to fight Dolph. Off to Kofi for another version of a match that is almost always good. A big monkey flip sends Ziggler flying and it’s off to Bryan for more chanting from the fans. Ziggler takes over again and here’s Barrett to kick Bryan in the ribs. Otunga comes in with a shoulder block but gets quickly pulled into the NO Lock for the tap out.

Alberto comes in and hooks a chinlock on Bryan as things slow down for a few seconds. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Bryan down but Daniel comes back, sending Del Rio to the floor. There’s the tag to Kofi but the fans don’t seem that interested at the moment. Trouble in Paradise is broken up but there’s a big spinning cross body off the top for two. Barrett gets the tag and the Winds of Change set up the Bull Hammer to make sure the IC Champion is pinned again.

To recap it’s Barrett/Del Rio/Ziggler vs. Miz/Bryan/Orton. It’s Orton coming in to face Barrett and a suplex puts the Brit down. Orton reaches for a tag but Miz wants nothing to do with it. Instead here’s Bryan to work on the arm and get two off a middle rope missile dropkick (JBL: “THE FLYING GOAT!”). Barrett clotheslines him down and brings in Del Rio as this match continues to take forever. The NO Lock doesn’t work on Alberto so there’s the running enziguri in the corner and the Armbreaker gets the submission from Bryan.

Here’s Miz for the first time and he doesn’t really do much before it’s back to Orton for the circle stomp. Ziggler comes in and gets thrown into the air in a big crashing bump from Orton. There’s the hot tag to Miz who gets a decent reaction from the crowd and sends Ziggler to the floor. The top rope double ax puts Wade down and after escaping the pumphandle slam, Miz gets the elimination on Barrett after the Finale.

A German suplex from Del Rio puts Miz down for two and the corner enziguri eliminates him, making it Orton vs. Del Rio and Ziggler. Del Rio and Orton slug it out and a Ziggler distraction lets Del Rio get a fast two count. Off to Ziggler who does nothing of note and Orton makes his comeback. He stops for an Elevated DDT attempt on Ricardo but Ziggler makes the save. There’s Socko to Ricardo and Ziggler accidentally dropkicks Del Rio. Randy sends Ziggler into the post and RKOs Del Rio to get us down to one on one.

Orton looks over at Ziggler who is pretty much out cold in the corner and it’s time to load up the RKO, but Ziggler holds the ropes and hits the Zig Zag for two. The place is WAY into Orton here and both guys are down. The Fameasser misses and there’s the Elevated DDT. Orton is bleeding from the mouth. He sees the blood and loads up the Punt instead of the RKO. Instead he charges into a superkick and Ziggler gets the 100% clean pin at 23:44.

Rating: C-. The problem here is that it’s long. Well that and the fact that the feuds were all thrown off due to changing the writing or injuries, but we’ll stick to the length here. At the end of the day, this was mainly filling time until the very end. On top of that, I forgot Foley was involved at all in this until the end. They would have been WAY better off by making this Team Orton or Team Kofi, but they had to stick with the feud they set up, even though it was gone.

Fans TOUT IT OUT about who Rock should face at the Rumble.

We recap the triple threat. Punk is champion, Ryback got screwed out of the title, Cena is Cena. That’s all I’ve got, but the recap shows EVERYTHING in this feud, which isn’t really even a feud.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Ryback

Cena has a new shirt focusing on how he’s been around for ten years. Ryback comes out third and most people don’t seem thrilled. Punk immediately bails to the floor and both challengers chase after him. It’s Cena that catches up with him but the challengers get in an argument over who gets to fight him. Ryback boots Punk down and Cena adds a bulldog until we get the big showdown.

Before there’s any contact, it’s time for the dueling chants. Cena tries a quick AA but Ryback escapes and runs him over with a shoulder. Ryback knocks him to the floor and Punk is back in to beat on the bald guy. Punk knocks him down and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Ryback. Cena tries a chinlock on Ryback but Punk breaks it up with a top rope ax handle for some reason.

Ryback takes an ax handle as well but Punk’s attempt at a second one is caught in mid air. Punk gets rammed into the corner but Cena comes back in and walks into a Punk DDT for two. Punk puts Cena in the Last Chancery but Ryback pulls him up and powerslams him down for two. Cena hits the spinning slam on Ryback but it’s completely no sold. Ryback sends him to the floor and Cena is sent into the steps as things continue to not really slow at all here.

Punk hooks a chinlock on Ryback in the ring but it’s easily broken up. The Meat Hook sets up the Shell Shock but Cena stops Ryback before he can drop Punk. There’s the STF on Ryback, so Punk takes FOREVER going up top and pointing into the air before dropping the Macho Elbow to break it up. Punk and Cena slug it out so Ryback clotheslines them both down at once. Both guys get sent to the floor by the monster where he tries a double Shell Shock on the floor.

Since that would likely kill one of them, Punk escapes and joins forces with Cena for a double suplex to put Ryback through the announce table. Back in the ring and Cena cranks things up with the shoulders and the Shuffle. The AA is countered and the GTS gets two, as does the AA that follows it. Punk fires off kicks and blocks an STF attempt.

The running knee in the corner hits but the bulldog is countered into the STF. Ryback makes the save and kills them both with Meat Hooks. Punk gets Shell Shocked but Cena makes the save at the last second. There’s a Shell Shock for Cena….and here are Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose from FCW to beat up Ryback. Cole says all of their names and they hit a triple powerbomb on Ryback through the other announce table. Punk pins the dead Cena to retain at 17:56.

Rating: B-. The ending was to set up something else in the future of course and to make sure Punk keeps the title until the Rumble so we can have Rock beat Punk after he holds the title for fourteen months or whatever they think we’re going to care about. The lack of a flow here hurt and the crowd wasn’t into this at all for the most part. Seeing three new guys come in was a nice touch though.

Punk celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I don’t want to say the show was bad because it wasn’t but there’s nothing here worth watching. We had a match added to the show, a bad Divas match, a worthless match, a match used to set up next month, a match with a feud that doesn’t exist, and a match that was about setting up another feud while advancing towards the Rumble. If that’s not a filler PPV I don’t know what is. The matches that mattered weren’t bad but there’s nothing here that you need to see at all. Not a bad show, just not an interesting one at all.

Results

Team Clay b. Team Tensai – Top Rope Splash to Young

Eve Torres b. Kaitlyn – Spinning Neckbreaker

Antonio Cesaro b. R-Truth – Neutralizer

Sheamus b. Big Show via DQ when Show pulled the referee in the way of a Brogue Kick

Team Ziggler b. Team Foley – Superkick to Orton

CM Punk b. John Cena and Ryback – Punk pinned Cena after a Shell Shock

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Money in the Bank 2010
Date: July 18, 2010
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Well it’s about ten minutes before the show starts and I legitimately do not know who to pick for the winners in the major matches. I’d expect a cash in tonight but I’m not entirely sure. I can’t imagine both will be cashed in, but I’d think one. The Nexus is pretty clearly the most interesting bunch here as we have reason to believe they’ll interfere in at least one Raw match. This should be fun though, although I’m worried that they’ll mess up the MITB appeal, but that’s WWE for you. Let’s get to it.

Apparently WWE has promised us a great main event here tonight.

The video is about risking it all to win it all. Not what I would have gone with but I can live with that.

Smackdown Money in the Bank

Kofi is probably the favorite here but I just don’t see him getting it. Ziggler….no. Christian is the smark favorite but I doubt it, likely causing him to further his heel turn. Rhodes is out next with his sounding like Living on a Prayer music. Hardy kind of gets a pop. Drew is the likely favorite here. Don’t expect a lot of commentary here as it’s mainly just a bunch of insane spots. I’d like to see Kane win but that’s not likely. Show is out last, sans mega ladder.

Everyone jumps the big guys to start which makes sense. That of course doesn’t work so we continue one of the longest running feuds in company history. Those two have interacted on and off for over 11 years. Everyone not big and bald goes away for some reason. They’ve been gone for like a minute now and the ring is empty. Show tries to find his own ladder and everyone gang jumps on him.

Everyone is on the floor now and Show has a bad knee. We need a Public Enemy video explaining how to climb a ladder a la Mike Whipwreck. Matt almost gets there but Christian makes the save which the fans don’t seem to like. I always get scared in matches like these. They’re so freaking dangerous. In the words of JR, how do you learn to fall off a 20 foot ladder? Where do you find a 20 foot ladder? If these are 20 feet tall then Kofi apparently stands about 10’2.

Everyone is doing the one person climbs and then one person stops it while the rest do nothing of note. Christian is about to be pushed to the floor but he uses an ancient Chinese technique to save himself from maximum pain: he jumps off. Why has no one done that before? Matt and Christian team up for about as long as Dennis Rodman was married to Carmen Electra. Wow I’m old.

We go back to what we started with as everyone goes after the big guys whenever they start. That’s some storytelling so I can’t complain there. Drew cleans house, sending Cody into the post after a brief dash. I’ll stop the puns on his name now. There must be like 8 ladders everywhere. Kane goes after Drew and rips up both tables. Make sure you move the monitors in your insane rage Kane. There’s a good employee.

No one is in the ring again. Drew is on the announce table and Kofi looks up at the huge ladder. The ring posts are green and the ropes are white. It’s a very Irish looking ring. Kofi hits the Boom Drop to more or less murder Drew and kill himself. Ziggler almost gets it but Show shoves the ladder down and Dolph hits it on the way down. Striker says there has never been a giant in MITB. Uh, nonsense but whatever.

Show splashes a ladder with Christian and Matt under it. Just call him the Giant again. They say that like 4 times in a row without saying Big Show. It’s mega ladder time. The ladder weighs more than Kane apparently and could hold 7 of the 8 people in this match. And he can’t get it in the ring. There is little funnier than unintentional comedy. So after spending three days setting it up, Rhodes makes the save by hitting him in the knee with a step ladder.

Cody’s face and head slams into the ladder. I think it does at least. Either way it looked great. This whole no one is up thing is really annoying. Kofi goes Shelton and springboards up to the big ladder while Show takes forever to get up (his knee is hurt though so that’s fine). Cody hits a SWEET dropkick to stop him from going up. We need more people in this at once though.

We bust out the finishers on the ladder and Kofi, Show, Dolph and Cody are all in the ring. Matt, Kane and Christian have been gone for like ever. At least Drew was taken down in a huge spot. This is already a 20 minute match. Kane shoves over the super ladder and Show goes over the top rope. The other guys pile ladders on top of Show which is a smart idea actually and a fairly innovative idea.

The midcard squad stops Kane and we get a fight between Matt and Cody. This has to be the end. Cody is almost there but Kane saves. It’s Kane by himself but Dolph gets the sleeper on him for like a second but can’t get it. There’s the full sleeper. Kane does exactly what I thought he should do and ducks his head a bunch of times, ramming it into the ladder.

This is a LONG match, probably the longest of all the MITB matches. I’d call Drew winning since he’s been gone for such a long time, although that isn’t much of a limb to go out on. Kofi gets chokeslammed on the pile of ladders. Kane and Cody go up the ramp to a MITB armored truck. Kane comes back to stop Matt as we’re almost at 30 minutes. Matt has it but Christian is right there. Huge freaking spot coming. They’re both standing on top of the ladder and there they go off of it.

Everyone is dead and here comes Drew. Kane comes back and it’s save time. Downw he goes and HOLY CRAP KANE WINS! He does the fire out of the corners thing from the mega ladder in an AWESOME visual. I’m a huge Kane fan so this is awesome to me.

Rating: C+. MITB is a match with an altered scale as by definition it’s awesome. This was kind of subpar as there were FAR too many spots where people just did nothing at all and were just laying around. Drew was down for about 15 minutes straight. Points for being surprising though and maybe he’ll cash in tonight. This is fun though as Kane has been both unpredictable and cool at the same time so this is good. I’m very happy so far.

Sheamus cuts a long promo about how he doesn’t get any respect from anyone especially Cena. I liked this as it gave him some much needed character development.

Raw Women’s Title: Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox

I’d bet on the champion retaining here but then again Eve is about ten times hotter so there we are. Eve is freaking gorgeous but allegedly management is REALLY happy with Fox for no apparent reason. Matt points out that the Divas Title hasn’t ever changed hands in Kansas City. Could that be because the belt has only been around for like three years and it’s only had like 4 holders?

The crowd is of course dead for this as they’re spent from the first match. But remember, the Divas are IMPORTANT and NOT eye candy. Yeah the only think I care about here is how good Eve looks in those gold shorts. She has great legs and abs. Alicia works on the back a lot and it sucks even more life out of this if that’s possible.

Eve gets the weakest clap from the audience I’ve ever heard. Eve does some decent stuff but this just needs to end. Cross body only gets one. The match isn’t terrible but it’s just not interesting at all. WE GET PSYCHOLOGY as Eve gets hit in the back and it sets up the Axe Kick to end it. THANK YOU! Now is THAT so hard to work into a match?

Rating: D+. This gets a huge upgrade for the ending because of the psychology being very effective. The crowd was completely dead here at a level that I haven’t heard in a long time. It wasn’t as bad as it’s being made out to be but it could have been better. Very solid ending though.

We review Swagger being a jerk on Friday which was great for him. Allegedly that was Bunkhouse Buck from WCW. Swagger is on the phone with his mom and says his dad was living through him so this was deserved. This is GREAT.

Unified Tag Titles: Uso Brothers vs. Hart Dynasty

Given the fact that we haven’t seen anything from the Usos other than 6 man tags and a squash win on Superstars, I can’t picture them winning yet. The Uso in shorts starts vs. David. We go through the list of guys from the Hart Dungeon and barely scratch the surface. That’s Jay apparently and the crowd is somehow even MORE dead for this. Wow this is basic stuff.

We get the Umaga hip smash of death to the face of Smith as this is more or less just a Raw match. They mention the taped up thumb which is a tribute to a fallen Samoan who they don’t name. That would be Umaga but he never existed. Kidd makes what is supposed to be a hot tag but might as well be in Siberia. Kidd hits a SWEET sunset flip into a rollup but gets caught in an Alley-Oop Samoan Drop.

The top rope splash from Jimmy gets knees though and David gets a small reaction on a tag. The girls go at it for a bit as Kidd beats up Jay. The Sharpshooter on Jimmy ends this fairly easy. Just a somewhat longer Raw match. Cole says this could elevate them to a new level. Uh, what level is that? Venezuelan tag champions?

Rating: D. This should have been on Raw and that’s all there is to it. Ok apparently there’s more to it than that. This was just the definition of average and there was nothing to it at all. The Harts look strong though which is the most important thing as they continue to establish themselves as a solid team.

Ad for Criss Angel’s new season which is the show’s sponsor.

We recap Swagger vs. Rey which is just a rematch from Swagger not losing the title in a one on one match. Oh and Rey has a bad ankle thanks to Swagger.

Smackdown World Title: Jack Swagger vs. Rey Mysterio

I love that little run around the ring that he does when he gets there. Rey limps a lot which makes me accept that he’s going to retain here. Big match intros make almost any match better. This should be good anyway though as both guys tend to work well together. Apparently being educated is a huge thing for Swagger and gives him an advantage. WWE supports education and since Linda McMahon is a WWE person, Linda McMahon supports education. That’s almost as much of a stretch as WWE has a tag division.

Rey hits a seated senton to the floor and hurts his leg again. Striker thinks Swagger hurt his head when he rams his head into the buckle. Gee you think? Striker hits the running up the ropes belly to belly which is always nice. Swagger stands on Rey’s ankle on the floor. Why couldn’t he be this ruthless when he was champion? At least they’re going with a basic story here before Rey makes his Superman comeback.

Rey hits one oh his thousand rana variations to send Swagger into the buckle but hurts his ankle on the modified moonsault. Swagger is getting better with every match he has. Swagger gets the powerbomb but Rey gets the foot on the ropes because he hooks the wrong leg like an idiot. Why does that never happen any other time? Swagger goes for….something off the middle rope but Rey reverses into a tornado DDT. I think it was a powerslam off the top but it didn’t work.

Rey is finally called Superman as he hits the 619. Amazing that a guy with a torn tendon could manage to get a running start for a move like that. Ankle lock is on but he makes the ropes. Vader Bomb hits but no cover. A second one hits and still no cover. Rey takes the boot off of his foot like Eddie (yeah I’m shocked too) and rolls up Swagger for the pin. Swagger beats him up post match and hooks the ankle lock. Kane comes out for the save and chases Swagger off but doesn’t cash in.

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match or anything but nothing great really. Rey’s ankle magically healed somewhere in there as he just forgot about the pain I guess. Also they made more Eddie references. Can Rey just no win anything without having Eddie referenced? This was decent enough but it was nothing all that great. Swagger looked awesome here though, other than the ending.

SCRATCH THAT! Kane comes back, this time with music, a referee and the briefcase! If he loses here….sweet goodness I’ll hurt someone.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Rey tries to run but Kane hits a chokeslam and then a Tombstone. YES! KANE IS WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!! Screw any kind of unbiasedness or whatever. THIS IS AWESOME!

Rating: A+. The tiny man loses and Kane is world champion. This is GREAT!

Jericho and Edge both say they’ll win.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Layla vs. Kelly Kelly

Kelly looks awesome tonight as does Michelle. No one cares about this obviously but they’re a bit awake here. Kelly hits her K2 thing but Michelle grabs the leg and puts it on the ropes. Kelly goes for a sunset flip off the second rope and Layla goes British Bulldog on her for the pin. Yeah whatever.

Rating: D-. Just for Striker using the English Muffin name twice which is annoying. Laycool’s music is addictive too. They’re clearly just killing time before Beth comes back to do her thing. This was pretty uninteresting though and really went nowhere but at least Kelly was hot and it didn’t go on that long.

Raw Money in the Bank

Orton gets the kind of home town pop but it’s still a huge one as you would expect. Miz is the dark horse pick to win but he likely won’t. Mark Henry needs to get lost in the desert somewhere. DiBiase is growing on me. They’re going through the intros much faster here than they did in the first match. Maryse in a red dress works very well. Morrison is someone that is a wild card here but I’d bet on him not winning. Him giving away the sunglasses is great. Jericho is the main event filler guy here which is fine for a guy at his state in his career. Bourne is here for high spots more than likely. Edge is probably the Drew McIntyre here: the guy you expect to win but doesn’t.

They do a lot of basic stuff to get us going which is what you would expect. Edge stops Bourne but Bourne hits a sweet rana to take him down. Orton this the DDT off the second rung of the ladder which is a nice little variation on it. Morrison kind of falls down and hits his head on the ladder which wasn’t planned. He looks ok though. Morrison gets some solid reactions here and takes out Miz and DiBiase.

This match suffers from being the second of these matches in less than two hours. The spots don’t look as impressive as they did when we hadn’t seen them in four months. Henry shoves four guys off two ladders and everyone is down. Maryse goes into the ring and sets up a ladder with everyone down. She takes forever to climb the thing as the question of can anyone climb the ladder and get the case is raised. Morrison stops her and nothing really comes of it.

Everyone is apparently dead again as people are all out on the floor other than Miz. Striker names Miz’s fans Mizfits. Dude, stop trying so hard. Morrison does a modified Shelton spot by being slingshotted into the ladder on the floor but holding on. He then grabs one standing in the corner and slides over on it to get on the ladder Edge is on. Nice spot. Edge and Miz get Morrison stuck between the rungs of a ladder and beat him up. Edge slams the ladder into Miz’s face in a perfectly Edge spot.

Henry takes over for a bit but gets the Big Show treatment from earlier including a Codebreaker and Spear on the floor. Everything goes insane again and Air Bourne hits. He almost gets up to the case but can’t unhook it a la Swagger. We get Canadian violence as Edge and Jericho fight atop the ladder. RKO OFF THE LADDER ON JERICHO!

Orton LOOKS at a ladder and gets the biggest pop of the night. He almost has it but Miz makes the save. MIZ WINS IT! HOLY SWEET GOODNESS! Miz gets a mic as the announcers can’t believe what they’re seeing. Miz says that everyone here is living in his moment. He says this means he made it and he’s right. This is totally believable here and given where he was just like three years ago (chick magnet) two years ago (in a tag team like say David Hart Smith is now) or even a year ago (parodying Cena) this is AMAZING.

Rating: B-. I liked this better than the first one actually as the length being significantly shorter helped it a lot. The 26 minutes for the first one was too long but cutting about 10 minutes off of this one made it much better. The winner helps it a lot too, but this was more about drama and there was less time for things to be bogged down and drag. Slightly better, but I could easily see that being reversed.

We recap Cena vs. Sheamus with the Nexus involved, which makes this a very interesting main event.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Sheamus

It’s in a cage, which is somehow supposed to stop the Nexus somehow. There’s no top on it that I can see so I don’t get the theory there. This starts pretty slowly and then picks up a bit. The fans are anti-Cena. He also has stitches from a cut on Raw Monday. Cena wants an ELBOW apparently. They’re pretty much just killing time here until the Nexus stuff starts. It’s not bad or anything but it’s kind of uneventful.

After about five minutes of somewhat interesting stuff, Sheamus hooks a sleeper and Cena climbs up the ropes with him on his back. This is pin, submission or escape in case you were wondering. Cena stars his usual ending sequence but of course it doesn’t work. Sheamus gets him tied up in the ropes and does a nice pose. Why he doesn’t leave through the door and then come back for the beatdown is anyone’s guess.

Sheamus climbs over him but the less white guy gets out and hits a bulldog from the top. We’re just going through the motions here but it’s picking up pretty well. Pump Kick and FU get two and HERE THEY COME! Tarver has boltcutters but they want the key anyway. The referee on the floor throws it into the crowd. FU is blocked and down goes the referee. Sheamus taps to the STFU but there’s no referee….other than the one outside that’s looking at it but whatever.

Nexus stops Cena from getting out with Gabriel climbing up to stop him. Cena knocks him into the cage but gets stopped again. Sheamus goes up and gets stopped too by Slater. He gets out though and Sheamus gets out before SPRINTING away. No Miz tonight I guess which is good.

Cena is left alone with Young and Tarver for some reason which I guess means he’s not alone. Young has less hair here too it seems. Let the beatdown begin. He rams the steps into Tarver, more or less killing him. He takes an armband and leaves, sans title to end the show.

Rating: C-. Not wild here but this was decent. The ending has gotten mixed reactions and I can certainly see that. At first I liked it but the more I think about it the more I think that it just wasn’t that exciting. We knew Nexus was coming out and we knew they would try to mess things up.

 

The ending kind of felt like the ending to a Raw show which is what’s bringing this down. The match itself wasn’t anything that great for the most part but they picked it up near the end. I don’t think anyone expected Cena to get the title back here but this was hardly something you would sleep through. Watchable but nothing great at all

OverallRating: B+. This certainly isn’t the most technically sound show of all time but it wasn’t trying to be. With three gimmick matches, a cash-in and Miz winning MITB, how can you go wrong here? This show was about flooring it the whole way and never looking back. Things like that can work once in awhile but the trick it to not rely on that too much because if you do it loses its appeal.

 

I thought this show would be awful but instead it worked incredibly well as it didn’t try to be a masterpiece and was about excitement and fun. On that merit its one of the better PPVs of the year. Like I said, don’t expect any great wrestling but expect to be entertained for the most part. There’s some bad stuff here but it’s pretty short and inoffensive and by the end it’s more or less forgotten about anyway which is how it should be. Definitely worth watching.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I haven’t gotten to watch the show yet but I’m hoping to have that up by Wednesday at the latest.From what I can tell, the show was as dull as I expected it to be.  Sheamus vs. Show is happening again apparently, Ryback of course gets screwed out of the title, and the newly face Miz loses.  What in the world was the point of turning him in the first place?  Second of all, why were Foley and Ziggler feuding at all?  Other than that, there’s nothing at all going on with this show that I can tell and it was a way to fill in time until we get to the Rumble.  That’s what drives me crazy about WWE right now: this stuff is all just filling in time until we get to Rock winning the title from Punk.  They’re putting the ceiling on the world title picture and that’s just flat out stupid.  Fired up about Ryback?  WELL SCREW YOU!  Because Punk has to hold the title for over a year before he faces Rock because for some reason we’re supposed to care more that way.

 

All in all, Survivor Series seems to suck.  I’m shocked.