Over the Limit 2011
Date: May 22, 2011
Location: KeyArena, Seattle, Washington
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

It’s Over the Limit again which was a totally worthless show last year which is about what I’m expecting this year.  The main event is Miz vs. Cena in an I Quit match while on the other side you have Christian vs. Orton in their rematch.  The first match was good so this should be as well with more time and some experience to work with.  All in all though it looks weak but I’ve been wrong before.  Let’s get to it.

There’s a graphic saying in memory of Randy Savage to open us up.  Certainly better than nothing.

The opening video is about what the human body is capable of when it’s pushed over the limit.  Not bad but a bit basic.  Then again there isn’t much you can do with a theme like Over the Limit.

Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth

 

Truth just has the one line to start his lack of music now.  The Truth is that it’s all about parking lots.  He got here today and didn’t have a parking spot so he had to park with the rest of the fans in the rain.  It’s a conspiracy and while he’s danced and pranced for all of the Little Jimmys, it’s gotten him nowhere.  He doesn’t play games like Rey Mysterio who wears that toy mask.  He’s taking Rey’s spot and that’s the Truth.

There are cars on the stage like last year.  One is a Mustang and I can’t tell on the other one.  Lawler points out how stupid it is to be worried about a parking space when you have a match on PPV.  Leave it to the veterans to make sense.  Booker says Truth should have changed his attitude a long time ago.  Is Booker a subtle heel commentator and I’m just missing it?

Rey makes Truth madder and manages to send him to the floor where a hurricanrana from the apron takes him down.  Truth, in his purple shoes, takes over by hammering Rey in the corner.  That gets him nowhere as Rey outmoves him of course.  Cole quotes a Kid Rock song from 2002 by saying it ain’t bragging if you do it and you back it up as Rey is sent to the floor.

Truth keeps stopping Rey when he tries to get something going, including hitting a sitout gordbuster for two.  Lawler seems like he has a cold and Cole makes fun of him for it of course.  Rey makes a comeback and gets a middle rope bulldog for two.  As in Truth was on the middle rope which was a new twist on it.  Springboard cross body and a running kick both get two.

Top rope seated senton hits but Truth gets the spinning forearm which is more spin than forearm out of nowhere for a close two.  Axe kick misses so Rey tries a rollup which doesn’t connect.  The jumping reverse Stunner doesn’t hit so Rey kicks him to the floor.  Truth pulls him off the apron to crotch Rey on the ring skirt which is something that is hardly ever used.  A Downward Spiral ends this clean.  Nice to see Rey lose again.

Rating: C. Pretty dull match here but Truth winning is certainly the right move.  Raw needs more top heels and a crazy man like Truth is a good place to start.  Truth hopefully can now move past Rey and maybe on to a US Title run or a quick feud with Cena perhaps.  Still though, not much of a match but there were enough good spots to make it a good match.  Please though, get him a new finisher other than a Downward Spiral.

Miz says that people say he has no chance of winning tonight.  Those are the same people that said he was a joke or would be fired in three days or he’d cash in MITB and lose but he’s proven them all wrong, which he’ll do again tonight.  Very true actually.  Riley cuts off the catchphrase by saying he’s the new WWE Champion instead of Awesome.

Cole talks about rubbing raw fish on his feet.  “Lawler: You are really an idiot.”

We recap Jackson vs. Barrett.  Corre attacked Jackson because Jackson was starting to think about himself too much.  Jackson keeps trying to beat down Corre so Barrett challenged Jackson to a match for no apparent reason for Barrett’s IC Title.

Intercontinental Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett

 

Barrett comes out sans Corre which implies run in to me.  Jackson is freaky big.  Booker talks about Jackson winning his first title, even though this would be his second (ECW Title).  Idiots chant boring about 8 seconds after the bell rings.  Talk about being prejudiced.  Barrett hammers away to start.  It’s a good thing that people sell his punches a lot because he’s the bareknuckles champions or whatever right?

Jackson sends him to the floor and the chase is on.  Jackson catches a big boot attempt as they get back in and runs Barrett over.  Power vs. power here even thought Barrett isn’t much of a power guy.  Cole says the three others are some of the most boring broadcasters he’s ever heard.  Barrett claims a neck injury but is just pretending.  That’s a bad IC Champion!

He sends Big Zeke into the post shoulder first a few times and adds a big boot with Jackson’s head against the post.  Cole has a big surprise for the Lawler match later.  For the love of all things good and holy, let it end there.  Barrett gets a middle rope elbow for two which I hope isn’t your only Macho Man reference tonight.  Cole and Booker argue about sheep and wolves or whatever as Barrett locks on a chinlock.

Wasteland is blocked and Jackson can’t get anywhere as he walks into a kick to the ribs and a pumphandle slam.  Jackson snaps and starts his series of like four slams in a row which I think is kind of a cool idea.  It would hurt your back if you kept having it done to you.  The fans seem to like it too so why not?  Five slams sets up the Torture Rack and here’s Gabriel for the pretty obvious DQ.

Rating: C+. Call me crazy but I liked it.  Jackson with those slams was a surprisingly well received move.  The Torture Rack is a good finisher for him so at least they’re starting to book him right.  The ending is kind of cheap as it’s what we’ve seen for months now, but that’s about what you have to expect.  Somehow Barrett has the longest current title reign in the company.  That’s kind of surprising.

Corre beats down Jackson post match including a Boss Man Slam and a big boot, both from Wade.  No 450 though.

Mason Ryan finds Otunga and McGillicutty down in the back.  They say it was Show and Kane.  Punk says it means they can show how awesome they are.  He barely seems to care about the two guys down.  Punk says walk it off.

Sin Cara vs. Chavo Guerrero

 

The idea here is Chavo claims that he invented most of what Cara does, which isn’t true but it makes for a good storyline.  They’re in the weird lighting again here and Chavo has the shorts back.  Cara takes over with some speed stuff but Chavo stops him, in theory because he knows the moves better and knows how to counter them.

Out to the floor and Cara does his usually awesome stuff but back in the ring a limping Chavo hammers him down into the corner.  Cara hits a nice moonsault press for two.  The lighting thing is a bit annoying in a long match.  It looks like the light is sick or something.  It’s a standard ground game vs. high flying match which is similar to what Chavo owned the world at back in 2000 so this works fine.

We hit the floor again and Cara crushes him with a big dive.  Top rope rana sets up some kicks and a handspring elbow as he channels his inner Tajiri.  Top rope cross body gets two.  Cara keeps trying to speed it up and it’s only kind of working.  A springboard….head drag I guess sends Chavo down again.  I think it was supposed to be La Mistica (headscissors into an armbar) but it wound up looking awful and Cara pins him with it.  Horrible looking botch.

Rating: C. Pretty good match here as Chavo can keep up with Cara.  The ending brings it down a lot though and the lighting thing has to go because now it’s time for Cara to move up to the midcard.  He’s gotten some experience under his belt and it should be enough for him to have some matches with other midcard guys.  He’ll bring in the Mexican audience which is the point of signing him.  Decent enough match though.

More anti-bullying jazz.

Randy and Christian have a quick chat about getting to be champion which doesn’t go much of anywhere other than repeating talking points.

Alberto is here thankfully.  It’s a PPV with a car theme so how could he not be here?  He’s here to talk about immigration apparently as everyone is complaining about various things.  Ok never mind as he wants to talk about not being sad about being in a WWE Title match because his destiny can’t be stopped.  He’ll be champion some day.

Big Show’s music cuts him off and here come the tag champions.  Kane is disappointed that there wasn’t a rapture yesterday because he was looking forward to it.  Alberto bails before getting his head knocked off.

Tag Titles: CM Punk/Mason Ryan vs. Big Show/Kane

 

Kane vs. Ryan to start us off here and the fans chant Batista.  This crowd is getting on my nerves in a hurry.  Power vs. Power of course and here’s Show.  Ryan goes all Big Zeke on him, taking him down with a clothesline.  Off to Punk vs. Show.  The giants take turns beating down Punk, probably jealous of all the hair gel.  Ryan comes in to work on Kane as Punk has the word Macho on his tape.

Show stomps on the steps and it sounds like the building is falling down.  The bulldog out of the corner is blocked and Punk is almost shoved into the big punch.  Instead Punk dropkicks the knee and brings in Ryan who hits an old school Oklahoma Stampede.  Bearhug time and Ryan just throws Kane around which is ultra rare.  Kane grabs a suplex but Punk comes in to stop the tag.

Punk goes up top in a rare move for him.  Is that a theme for this match or something?  The elbow drop from the top misses and I can’t help but smile.  It’s enough to bring in Show who cleans house as he is known to do.  Double chokeslam to Ryan and we’re done.  Sometimes there’s no substitute for just picking someone up and drilling them like that.

Rating: C. For the elbow alone this isn’t a failure.  It’s very cool to see someone throw that out in a tribute to one of the best of all time and something told me it would be Punk.  Just seems like something he’d do.  Anyway, Show and Kane winning isn’t that surprising as it can play into the problems in Nexus a bit more.  This was fine for what it was.

Ad for Capitol Punishment featuring…..President Obama?  It’s one of those fake questions featuring real clips from a press conference.  At least it’s four weeks away.

Divas Title: Brie Bella vs. Kelly Kelly

 

Cole even says this will be boring.  This is about what you would expect: both girls do a few things, neither really are that good, both look good in tiny shorts, which is why they have their jobs I suppose.  LONG armbar by Brie wastes some time.  There’s Twin Magic, X-Factor, Nikki gets the pin.

Rating: F. Dang it why did this have to be long enough to grade?  The match was awful the whole way through as they have no business being on PPV.  Watching Nunzio as the referee and the girls looking good are the only high spots here.  Also, no sign of Kharma.  How in the world can you validate this being on PPV?  I give up.

Cole goes to get ready…..and the world title match is next?  Wow indeed.

We recap Christian vs. Orton.  Basic story here: Christian needs to prove his reign wasn’t a fluke and he needs to prove that he can beat Orton on full rest.  Somehow that takes long enough to heat up some grilled cheese to explain.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian

 

Big match intros fill in some time as we have almost an hour and a half left and three matches to go.  Booker talks about how awesome Orton is because of his lineage, even though his grandfather was a relative unknown and his dad was good but not great.  The crowd gets into it a bit and Booker goes into a LONG speech about Christian and hitting the button to make an engine go faster or something.

Anyway, Christian gets a middle rope dropkick for two as he’s controlled so far.  Orton does his apparently now signature toe touching thing on a leapfrog.  The crowd is FAR more into this than the rest of the show combined.  Off to a chinlock by Christian as Booker actually points something out: Christian doesn’t pick guys up that much.  Big old dropkick by Orton but he can’t get much of an advantage going.

Lawler is gone too if I didn’t mention that.  Orton hits a full on superplex for a close two.  Orton fires off those uppercuts with one of them being countered into a backslide for two.  Spinebuster gets two for the Canadian.  They slug it out and Christian goes up for a missile dropkick, only to get caught in a jackknife cover which he reverses into a sunset flip for two.  Christian takes him down again and a swan dive headbutt gets two.

The fans seem to be more behind Christian here, but then again most people don’t care about Orton until he hits the RKO.  Orton starts his stomp.  OH NO!  HE KICKED HIM IN THE FOOT!!!  IT’S UTTER DEVASTATION!!!!!  Kneedrop gets two but Christian gets a Killswitch attempt which is countered into an RKO attempt.  That gets countered into another Killswitch attempt but Orton pulls the legs out and gets a reverse Boston Crab (Billy Goat’s Curse for you Colt Cabana fans) which I’ve never seen in WWE.

Christian grabs the rope but it’s nice to see a new move being thrown out there like that.  He fakes Orton out in the corner and gets a VERY close two off a sunset flip out of the corner.  Important there because the fake out was the same move that Christian got caught in the RKO with in their first title match.  Nice bit of psychology there.

Into the corner again and Christian tries the pendulum kick but Randy grabs the feet and shifts to an elevated DDT for a close two.  Orton loads up the RKO but Christian shoves him off and stars shouting SPEAR.  Ok, enough with the Edge references.  Perhaps it was the SHOUTING THE NAME OF THE MOVE but Orton snaps him off with a powerslam for two.  With Christian down Orton sets for the Punt of all things but he can’t bring himself to do it.

He charges again but Christian pops up with a spear for a VERY close two.  Christian goes into one of his old school fits almost as this is a rather good match.  Christian sets for the Killswitch again but it gets countered as does the second attempt, the first into an RKO attempt and the second into an attempted belly to back suplex.  Christian flips out of it but as he goes for the Killswitch again, it’s RKO time and Orton survives this.

Rating: A-. Very good match here that topped their previous match with them adding the psychology and building on their previous match.  Orton showing respect to Christian like he did before on Smackdown is another nice touch as well as them adding in new stuff to make the match less predictable.  Well done match as Christian continues to impress.

They shake hands post match.

We recap Cole vs. Lawler so excuse me while I baste a turkey.

Ok I’m back now and what a shock it’s still going.  The idea is that Cole and Lawler hate each other and Cole has beaten him twice already.  Lawler has put up his Hall of Fame ring and if he loses he’ll induct Cole into the Hall of Fame.  Also the loser has to kiss the winner’s foot.  Cole also ticked off his muscle in Jack Swagger so he’s on his own here, at least in theory.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

 

Remember that Cole has promised some kind of surprise all night.  Cole comes out in a suit and limping.  You can tell it’s officially an injury because he has a doctor’s note.  Or maybe he’s reading his lines.  Apparently it’s because of infected athlete’s foot.  If Cole’s foot goes into Lawler’s mouth Lawler might contract foot and mouth disease.  He gives the note to the referee and the referee rips it up.  RING THE BELL!

Lawler drills him into the corner and pounds away and there go Cole’s pants.  SOLID right hand and a dropkick send Cole to the floor.  Josh says vintage.  Cole manages to send him into the steps a few times and Cole takes the shoe off.  This ticks Jerry off and LAWLER THROWS HIM THROUGH THE COLE MINE!!!!!  Lawler celebrates the thing exploding which is a legit funny moment.  Middle rope punch brings the strap down and WE ARE DONE!  That made me smile.  No rating as it was total domination but still, awesome moment as Jerry destroyed him.

Jerry starts unzipping his boot but has an idea.  He waves someone out and here comes Eve.  She drills him with a moonsault as this is turning into exactly what it should have been.  Lawler still isn’t done as he waves out JR!  Appropriately enough JR has barbecue sauce.  He pours it into Cole’s mouth until it overflows and all over his face.  This is great.  Cole gets to the floor and tries to leave and says that he’s not a loser.  It’s Lawler and all the people that are losers.  He’s not going to kiss his……..BRET HART IS HERE!!!!!

THIS is what I mean when I say they need to give old school fans something special.  And before you ask, remember that it was Bret and Lawler in the first kiss my foot match.  Sharpshooter goes on the pencils that Cole calls legs and it’s time to kiss the feet, complete with barbecue sauce.  Cole is left totally destroyed and Bret’s music plays us out.  PERFECT ending to this segment as Cole is completely and utterly destroyed.

JR jumps in on commentary for the main event.

They show the replay a bunch of times and Cole’s face is priceless.

That’s What I Am video, which actually wasn’t all that bad.

We recap Miz vs. Cena.  More or less Cena got to pick the stips because it’s a match he flat out doesn’t lose.  This is their third PPV match so I kind of like the idea of having the odds stacked so high against Miz because he can say he didn’t deserve to lose but at the same time they’re almost too high.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. John Cena

 

I Quit rules here and they have a LOT of time.  Miz has the coat again which is always a perk.  It’s only 20 past ten so they have a TON of time.  Miz grabs the mic and says that since there are no rules Riley is going to help him.  That helps a bit.  Riley more or less plays spoiler here as he breaks up an early STF attempt.  This is pretty smart actually.

The dueling chants begin as Cena puts Riley on the floor.  Cena initiates his ending sequence quickly but Miz countered into a Skull Crushing Finale attempt.  He walks into an FU but Riley pops in to massacre him with about 12 briefcase shots.  Double powerbomb out of the corner but Cena says no.  Booker more or less ends his employment by saying Cena has limited skills/abilities.  Well he has a job on the internet for life.

More beatings follow and Cena is sent into the barricade, drawing a no.  They set up the table and Miz hits a monitor shot to the head.  This is getting a bit brutal here.  Cena drills Riley and comes back on Miz but gets sent into the steps.  DDT on the steps and Cena doesn’t give up still.  That one was more meager though.  Miz cuts a short promo on Cena, saying that if he doesn’t give up Riley will slam the steps onto Cena’s ribs.  Cena say go away and there are the steps for him.

Riley gets in the ring and holds Cena’s arms back.  Miz says he has a weapon and will hit him with it if Cena doesn’t give up.  “You hit like a girl.”  That of course gets a no.  Miz GOES OFF on Cena who more or less tries in vain to cover up.  He still won’t quit though.  There are some sick marks all over Cena’s stomach from that stick.  This has been about 95% Miz/Riley.

The go up to the stage and Miz suplexes him on the stage.  Cena is screaming loudly but still won’t quit.  Matthews asks about Cena’s breaking point.  Haven’t we seen that show already?  Miz gets a running boot to the head to kick Cena off the stage.  Cena STILL won’t say he quits but he doesn’t say no for awhile this time.  They get a boom mic and a leather belt.  Miz talks to Cena on the mic again but Cena STILL won’t quit even at the threat of a whipping.  “You have a leather strap but you got no nuts.”

Cena more or less stops reacting other than sticking his leg up to try to block the belt shots.  He STILL says no, almost through tears.  They head back to the ring and Cena somehow keeps fighting but a chair to the ribs and back stops that run.  This is getting pretty awesome as it’s looking almost impossible for him to come back here and that Miz has the perfect plan.

Back in the ring and Cena AGAIN fights back.  And there goes the referee.  Cena can’t get the FU on Riley but Miz takes him down one more time.  He puts the chair between the ropes and it’s a Skull Crushing Finale THROUGH the chair which looks like it bent a bit.  Booker: “They seem like they’re trying to hurt him.”  Get this man off my commentary NOW.

Miz says maybe he needs to make this a bit more personal.  He goes to a fan and asks if Cena is his hero.  The kid says yes and he wants to know if he wants Cena to quit.  The kid says never.  Mic shot still gets a no from the fan.  Miz GOES OFF on the fan and the fan shrugs his shoulder.  Get actors next time Vince as the fan is hilarious here.  Miz threatens Cena with a ton of chair shots as he’s stuck in part of the barricade now.  Cena says the kids are smarter than he is which gets no reaction really.

BIG chair shot over the head for that one and now Riley wants him to say it.  THEY ACTUALLY DO THE RECORDED VOICE BIT!!!  Cena clearly didn’t move but a voiceover of him said it.  The referee wants the belt but he finds the tape recorder.  I think he’s calling shenanigans here.  It’s Riley’s phone so RESTART IT!  Riley sets for a belt shot but it takes Miz out instead.  FU to Riley through the table and Cena takes his own belt off.  A bunch of whippings and Miz quits like a girl to the STF (Cena said it earlier, not me).

Rating: B+. This is a very hit or miss match much like the I Quit match against Orton at Breaking Point in 2009.  You really have to check your brain at the door for this one but at the same time that makes it work.  They got brutal with this one and that made it work very well in the end of it all.  I got into it for a lot in there and the restart made sense too.  Good match, not for everyone though.

Overall Rating: B. Call this one a pleasant surprise.  I was thinking this would be nothing but we got two great matches and a great moment with Cole and Lawler.  The rest isn’t great but it’s certainly not all that bad.  I liked this show actually and it worked quite well all things considered.  When you have zero expectations and get a decent show with a very good final hour and a half or so, things are definitely looking up for it.  Good show overall.

Results

R-Truth b. Rey Mysterio – Downward Spiral

Ezekiel Jackson b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Justin Gabriel interfered

Sin Cara b. Chavo Guerrero – Headscissors

Big Show/Kane b. Mason Ryan/CM Punk – Double Chokeslam to Ryan

Brie Bella b. Kelly Kelly – Bella Buster

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Jerry Lawler b. Michael Cole – Middle Rope Punch

John Cena b. The Miz – Miz said I Quit

Breaking Point
Date: September 13, 2009
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 11,500
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Todd Grisham, Jim Ross, Josh Matthews

Submission. That’s whole point of this show. Ok not really but that was the idea of some of it. WWE was I suppose trying to reach out to the MMA fans here which makes sense I guess but at the same time is annoying. The three main matches are submission matches, including Taker vs. Punk on one for the Smackdown Title.

Other than that we have Orton vs. Cena…again, for the Raw Title. The third major match is DX vs. Legacy so there we are. This show is hit or miss for most people so there we are. Let’s get to it.

Also, in case you’re wondering what the point of this review is, I’m trying to get caught up with the recent shows so I can have a point to cut off at, as in having all of 2009 forward reviewed or something like that, so expect more recent ones to start popping up.

The video more or less says what I just said to you. It should be noted that it’s only the main event matches that have the submission stipulation.

Unified Tag Titles: Big Show/Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry/MVP

This was the feud of the month and no one with intelligence thought team Red had a chance. Jericho tried to denounce being Canadian on Raw to keep the face pop down but if I remember right Quebec wants to secede anyway, so it made the reaction better. MVP is a fair bit sloppy. Crowd is hot by the way. Fans are totally behind Big Show.

More or less this is Henry shows off his strength without actually doing anything worthwhile. Henry is likely going to be in the match for the most part. Oh dear. Ok scratch that thank goodness. Oh how I hate the Ballin Elbow. Lawler says a spear literally cut MVP in half. No King, it didn’t.

Henry comes in to make the save after a LONG time of beating on MVP. Henry cleans house and counters the Codebreaker. And of course a single right hand knocks him out for about 25 seconds so Jericho can get the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. This was a long Raw match and just flat out not interesting. There was no way the belts would change here or anything like that and everyone knew it. That can work at times but the problem here is that the match itself has to actually be good. That simply isn’t the case here and it hurt the match really badly.

Legacy says that tonight it’s a fight and DX is over.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Miz

Lillian isn’t human. That’s all there is to it. This was added to the card the day before this show which is rather cool when you think about it. No idea why it is but I thought I’d throw out something that sounds cool like that so I wouldn’t have to explain it. This is fairly recently after Miz did the AWESOME (pun intended) feud with Cena. That was too brilliant for words.

Kofi is getting beaten up here as the push of the Miz continues. Lawler and King argue about nothing in particular. This is a really slow paced match and I’m not sure how well it’s working. Miz does the intelligent thing and moves out of the way of the Boom Drop. They crank it up and do a nice pinfall reversal sequence. Miz goes for the Reality Check but Kofi counters the neckbreaker to kick the heck out of him for the pin.

Rating: B. This started slow but became a very solid match by the end. At the time it aired I wasn’t sure who was going to win which is something that hardly ever happens to me in matches. What I mean by that is this looked like a glorified squash on paper and that got switched up. I’ve always liked both of these guys and this was no exception. Very fun match with a solid ending.

Lynyrd Skynyrd did the theme song. Good to know.

We recap DX vs. Legacy. In essence, Legacy is tired of DX hogging the spotlight. In other words, Legacy is portraying Rated RKO.

DX vs. Legacy

This is submissions count anywhere. We get the obligatory Montreal reference from DX which makes sense as we’re in Montreal tonight. HHH says it was all Shawn’s fault in a rather funny bit. There are in essence no rules in this to speak of. Shawn is famous for the figure four? Since when? We’re already into the crowd so at least they’re not trying that hard to make this look like a normal match. That’s always a perk.

Shawn has DiBiase in a choke on a railing in the audience and HHH and Rhodes are back in the concourse I think. We were in the ring for all of 8 seconds in case you were wondering. They’re brawling all over the place but of course we’re heading back to the ring now. Rhodes is put onto a chair and HHH gets a Boston Crab at the same time that Shawn gets a camel clutch. Good to know. After that is broken up we get a crossface from HHH.

I’m not sure if this is a good match or not. Rhodes hooks a Gory Special of all things. The formula of this match more of less is one guy puts a hold on another and the partner makes the save. It’s ok but there’s not much to it really. HHH and DiBiase are in the ring and Rhodes and Shawn are fighting in the production area. They fight into the stands and Shawn falls from there down to a perfectly placed empty area.

Basically HHH has to fight both guys off to keep them away from Shawn. Hmm…HHH having to face very big odds and do something no other normal person could pull off? Where’s the challenge? They’re in the back and beating the tar out of HHH. The crowd reaction would suggest Shawn is up. Oh wait it’s Montreal so maybe he died or something. Never mind. He’s up. It’s back to 1-2 now though as HHH got smacked in the head and is down.

Rhodes busts out an ankle lock on Shawn. You know, the guy with a bad back that just hurt his back a few minutes ago. I can’t stand stupid wrestlers at times. So Shawn was down for maybe two minutes from FALLING OFF A BALCONY and HHH is down much longer from a garbage can shot? Good freaking night.

Shawn gets that reverse figure four that he used like twice but he’s a master off all of a sudden anyway. Rhodes just goes off on Shawn and hooks the figure four on the post. DiBiase adds in the Million Dollar Dream. And Shawn taps out with HHH crawling on the floor. Talk about an EPIC win. Match kind of sucked but kind of didn’t.

Rating: B-. I liked it, but there were a LOT of problems here. For one thing, it got to the point where it was just the same stuff happening but with different people. That’s rather boring indeed. However, VERY happy that Legacy won as they actually needed a win as opposed to DX all over again. It was good but far from great. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt though.

Oh and amazingly enough, people still complained about DX hogging the spotlight after this match. Go figure.

Josh Matthews comes up to Randy Orton who says he wants to talk. Orton has no reaction to Legacy winning. Orton says that’s enough questions so he talks about Cena. Orton has the voice for his character down to a T, I’ll give him that much. I love the WWE Title just sitting in the background there like that’s perfectly normal.

Ad for Hell in a Cell.

Singapore Cane Match: Kane vs. Great Khali

Uh, point to the stipulations? Singh’s sideburns are alive I think. There’s a basket of canes at each corner. There’s the required duel between the sticks. Can we just push Kane as a monster heel? Please? Is it that much to ask? Khali got a world title reign and Kane doesn’t. That makes such a lack of sense I can’t even fathom it.

The fans are already chanting boring and they’re right. Naturally they don’t get it and keep going. Khali gives Kane a head massage which is apparently a vice grip or something. Khali does his other move, the chop, and that’s all he’s got. Kane gets a shot off the top with the cane and that gets two of course. A good (bad on anyone other than Khali) ends it to a BIG pop, despite Kane being 100% heel here.

Rating: F. This was awful in every sense of the word. It was short if nothing else but for the love of coconuts, give Kane something serious to do rather than just having him beat up random big men. Yes I’m a big fan of Kane.

Punk says he’s ready for Undertaker. He makes great points of course but it’s Taker so he has to lose. Punk mentions the Hardy arrest which is just freaking awesome. Dang Punk is epic. The lights go out and it’s Jimmy Yang messing with Punk. Guess what happens to his cowboy sefl.

We recap Christian vs. Regal, which more or less was Regal got beat in 10 seconds at Summerslam and then his boys beat him up. Naturally a ten second loss warrants a rematch right?

ECW Championship: Christian vs. William Regal

This is 5 days after the ECW is Leaving announcement was made so there we are. Naturally Christian gets a huge pop being the Canadian. The monsters are sent to the back. This is more of a technical match which is what Regal is a master of. This is an intense match if nothing else. The fans are as into this as they’ve been into anything all night long. Regal avoids the Killswitch three times and then gets it on the fourth. Well that was abrupt. Somehow this was ten minutes long.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much at all. It could have been a main event on any ECW TV show and it wouldn’t have been anything special at all. This was pretty weak.

Batista is coming back to Raw to leave for Smackdown.

Pat Patterson comes out for no apparent reason. He talks about nothing in general until Dolph Ziggler comes out. They talk, Ziggler pushes him, gay jokes abounded in the LD as Morrison came out for the save.

We recap Cena vs. Orton. They don’t like each other. The end. On the show you get a five minute version of that.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Remember, this is submission only. Orton is champion here in case anyone is interested. Starting with the package, we have ten minutes go by before the opening bell. Cena starts out hot and gets in some nice throws on the reptilian one. The fans are kind of into it but I think they know they’re in for a long one here.

Orton of course gets the advantage as he is known to do. The weapons are in already and Cena is experiencing head trauma. Naturally we get a mixed reaction from the crowd because it’s Cena in Canada. The RKO onto a chair is countered because we’re 5 minutes into this. We’re on the floor and Orton is in control of course.

He puts Cena’s head on the step and stomps on it. That looked awesome to say the least. When that doesn’t work he busts out handcuffs and the key which goes around his neck. And Cena is attached to the top rope. Yep, he’s going to win anyway. So Orton unties him and puts him on the post with the cuffs over his arm. Orton proceeds to beat him in the chest and stomach with a kendo stick.

This has to be some Vince sex fantasy. There’s no other possible explanation. I don’t know if that’s makeup on his ribs or what but it looks awesome. Orton freaking KILLS Cena with a chair shot. This is freaking violent. After more chair shots and Cena being cuffed again he manages to get the key. And great, now they’re cuffed to each other. Is this a bad buddy comedy pilot or something? It still looks better than 12 Rounds.

The people are booing this, I guess because HE WAS FREKAING TORTURED AND NOW HE’S BEATING UP THE WORLD CHAMPION! Orton gets an RKO out of nowhere. And of course Cena hooks the STFU on Orton with the cuffs for the submission. Because you know, that’s perfectly reasonable right? A ton of replays and celebrating follows.

Rating: B-. I’m really not sure on this one as it became a messed up torture video halfway through. This is a match that some people are going to love and others are going to just flat out hate and I can see both perspectives. It’s not for everyone and the intensity is WAY over the top, but it played up Cena won’t quit as well as possible so there we go.

We recap Punk vs. Taker. More or less it was Taker is back and wants the title. Good to know.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. CM Punk

Taker has never surrendered so there we are. Naturally it takes forever to start because it’s an Undertaker match. And of course Punk is getting his face kicked in. Did you expect anything else? This goes on for awhile until some chair shots get us back to something resembling even.

They trade strikes and Punk actually puts him down with a solid as stone kick to the head. And there’s the Hell’s Gate for the tap out. Yeah, in the most predictable ending you could ask for, Taker gets the title back to end the show. Screw you WWE.

OR DOES HE???

Teddy Long comes out to say that the Hell’s Gate is still an illegal move and the match is still going, even though it’s a No DQ match so that rule means nothing but why should I pay attention to something stupid like that?

Anyway, Taker just beats the tar out of him and then we get the part of the match that I still shake my head at: Punk counters the Last Ride and hooks an Anaconda Vice and, say it with me, Taker doesn’t tap but the bell rings anyway. Punk stands next to the stoic Long to end the show. Care for an explanation? So would I. It never really came, so whatever right?

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t that good. The match was boring and while they did use the surprising ending, it’s still Montreal. I have far more tolerance here than in TNA though, as this isn’t an alternative to WWE or anything like that. Either way, the match sucked and not much was going to save it. Nice twist though.

Overall Rating: D. The idea is ok but in reality this just didn’t work at all. Three of the seven matches could be on any TV show and while them being title matches helped a lot, they’re still just not very good other than the US Title match which isn’t great or anything. There’s some ok stuff in here, but at the same time all of the matches being the same thing takes away from it.

I’ll go with the same example I would go with from Cole at No Way Out one year when there were two chambers: “This is such an intense match. How long has it been since you saw something like this?” About 25 minutes Michael. That’s the thing: these matches are supposed to be about being way intense and stuff like that, but when you have three inside of two hours it just doesn’t work.

There’s some ok stuff in here but by the end you just want it to be over which is never a good sign. Check it out if you’re a fan of the modern product, but overall this was a failed experiment, meaning it’ll be back this year.

Extreme Rules 2011
Date: May 1, 2011
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Josh Matthews

I see this show as being like TLC from last year: there isn’t much of a difference in the stories from here and Wrestlemania so here are a bunch of gimmicks tacked on and we hope that you watch our show and don’t notice that we haven’t put much thought into this past month.  The main event tonight (possibly) is Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio for the vacant world title.  If Christian doesn’t win here, I doubt he ever will.  Not really but it sounds good.  Let’s get to it.

Opening video is pretty much what you would expect: TONIGHT IS EXTREME!!!

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

 

Last man standing here.  New Nexus is with Punk as they continue to try to validate their existences.  And never mind as an E-Mail throws them out.  Punk takes the pad off a buckle before he even gets in.  Hot start as they go right at it.  We go to the floor quickly with Punk getting introduced to the barricade.  They hit it off and are taking in a movie next Tuesday.

They go back into the ring as they’re keeping up that fast pace.  The problem of course is that in last man standings, there’s no real point to buying into any counts until after at least 8 minutes.  Punk grabs a kendo stick and the “brutal” part of the match starts.  Multiple shots by Punk (Straightedge anyone?) gets about seven and now it’s payback time.  Finisher attempts are exchanged and Orton sends Punk into a chair wedged in between the ropes to the floor for about 6.

Punk gets a solid kick to the head for about 8.  As always in these matches, a lot of time passes with little happening due to the counting and setting up for the counting.  Orton sends him into the barricade for six and we head back to the ring.  GTS actually hits and Orton gets up at 9, only to fall back down a second later.  That counts as being up though as it should.  Punk throws in a chair and a Russian leg sweep onto it gets about 8.

To their feet and Punk tries another leg sweep.  Orton pulls an RKO out of nowhere and both guys are down.  Orton gets up as does Punk but he stumbles to the floor just after he gets up.  Punk fights off the elevated DDT and wraps a chair around Orton’s throat to send it into the post.  THAT gets 9 and Punk is ticked off.  They go to the table and Punk tries the GTS on it….which wouldn’t add anything to the move but whatever.  There’s the counter into an RKO onto the (non-breaking in this case) table and Punk stumbles to his feet somehow at 9.  I would have bet on that being the ending.

Orton sets for a Punt but gets caught in a GTS into the steps.  When I say the GTS I mean he gets dropped face first onto the steps which is really about all you can do with that move.  Up at nine and Punk has a kendo stick.  Punk sends Orton in and goes up top for some reason, only to have Orton intercept the stick and WEAR PUNK OUT with it as he’s hanging from the top.  SUPER RKO from the top ends this with Orton barely beating the count.

Rating: B. I rather liked this one, mainly because they gave it a lot more time than I expected them to.  I would have thought the ending was going to happen multiple times in there but they let it keep going.  I think it was pretty clear Orton was going to win, but they had a lot of very close calls in there and it worked rather well.  Much better than I expected actually.

Lawler heads to the back to get read and we recap the Draft.

Morrison is warming up.

Sheamus is ticked off that Teddy has added an extra match with him defending against Kofi in a tables match.  He’s the US Champion and is defending against someone not from the US.  He demands to see the birth certificate.  This is FAR less stupid now that that whole issue is over.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston

 

Booker continues to imply Kofi should turn heel as we hit the floor early.  First table is brought out by the pale one and set up on the floor.  Back to the ring and Sheamus gets caught on the apron, only to hit a slingshot shoulder block to take Kofi down.  Table #2 comes in and lands on top of Kofi.  We hear about how Sheamus beat Cena in one of these to win the title which still blows my mind.

Table gets set up in the corner but Kofi fights out of it.  Sheamus moves to avoid Kofi’s dive but Kofi is like screw it and does the splits in midair to land on the ropes with the table between his legs.  Big boot sends Kofi flying over the table on the floor as Sheamus takes over again.  The corner table is set up in front of the corner and Sheamus hammers away.  Sheamus can’t suplex him onto a table on the floor and gets caught by Trouble in Paradise but it doesn’t put him through the table.  The Boom Drop as Sheamus turns around does however to give Kofi the title.

Rating: C+. Not bad here and considering it was just a way to get a midcard title on Raw this was fine.  Kofi of course is his usually solid self and Sheamus loses the title without getting pinned.  This was perfectly fine and the ending plus some cool spots by Kofi were enough to push it over the top.

Truth complains about Morrison because that’s what he does anymore.  He can’t spell conspiracy.  The one thing he can’t stand is a thief which is what Morrison is.  Back in the 80s this would have been a squash over a jobber and the point is just to establish that Truth is here for when he likely runs in later.

Michael Cole/Jack Swagger vs. Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler

 

Country whipping match here, which means they all have straps.  Cole, I kid you not, is wrapped in bubble wrap.  Ross has a legit broken hand after beating Cole up Monday.  Cole gives us his resume as a reporter and insults all of Florida by saying everyone is old.  Lawler vs. Cole to start as Lawler can’t hurt him.  Lawler goes for the only unprotected part: Cole’s face.  There goes the bubble wrap and it’s off to Swagger.

Basically this is Lawler vs. Swagger for all intents and purposes as they have a one on one match for a few minutes.  Lawler gets him down but takes a chop block as he goes after Cole.  Ankle Lock goes on for like 30 seconds as Ross WEAKLY hits Swagger to break the hold.  Off to JR who puts an ankle lock on Swagger!  Swagger escapes and I think accidentally tags Cole.  Ross wastes WAY too much time for a clothesline and whips Cole a bit.  Ankle lock goes on Cole and even takes Swagger out with a low blow.  He turns to whip Swagger….and gets rolled up by Cole to end it.  Dang it this is going to keep going isn’t it?

Rating: F. Hey look, Cole wins again and gets to run his mouth a bit more.  Not as bad as Mania but still, DO SOMETHING ELSE!  This has been done and it’s been done multiple times already so why do they keep going with it?  Cole can still be a jerk but give us SOMETHING for a change instead.  Match sucked too.

Over the Limit is in three weeks.  Well of course it is.

Cena says he hasn’t been champion since June and will be champion again tonight.  Short interview here.

We recap Rey vs. Cody.  Not much to say here other than it’s been awesome from Cody and Rey messed up Cody, turning him into someone that thinks he’s grotesque despite looking the same as he always has.  That’s some solid psychological stuff there.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

 

Falls count anywhere.  People hand out the bags which is a nice touch.  Cody has promised to send Rey to the hospital on his way to Raw.  Cody charges at Rey to start us off but Rey speeds thigns up to send him to the floor.  They go up the ramp and Rey gets a seated senton off the stage for two.  Out into the crowd as Rey kicks away at the head.  NOT IN THE FACE!!!

Up towards the back of the arena with Cody kind of in control now.  Into the back as this is more or less an old school hardcore match.  Cody mangaes the Beautiful Disaster off a concession stand window for two.  That looked awesome.  Back to the ring as this has been a very stiff looking match.  Rey tries his sitout bulldog but Cody reverses with a wheelbarrow drop onto the steps for two.

Cody picks Rey up like a 24 pack and throws him into the ring.  Rey fights back and sets for the 619, intentionally exposing his knee brace.  Cody counters and hits an Alabama Slam for two.  Up we go but Rey FIRES GREEN MIST at Cody to send him flying.  619 out of nowhere and the springboard splash finishes completely clean.

Rating: B. Another good match here, mainly due to them beating the tar out of each other.  This feud was solid and at least Cody got the win at Mania which looks better on his resume and will be what is remembered.  Good stuff overall here and the mist was a nice touch despite messing up the racial stereotypes again.

Layla apologizes to the Divas for being mean to them over the years.  They say they don’t like her but they like Michelle less.

Cole is back on commentary.  Oh joy.

Michelle McCool vs. Layla

 

More or less a street fight here and the loser leaves WWE.  Michelle wisely jumps Layla during her lay on the rope entrance.  Out to the floor as this is another intense brawl.  A shot into the table gets two for Michelle.  Big boot misses and here comes Layla.  Belly to belly gets two for Michelle as we hit the floor again.

They fight on the barrier of all things with Michelle taking over.  DIAMOND DUST gets two for Layla as they come back in.  Faithbreaker is countered into the Layout for two.  Michelle counters a jackknife cover into a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) but can’t cover immediately.  Layla counters the cover into a rollup/crucifix pin to get rid of Michelle.

Rating: C+. I liked this again.  The Divas can do pretty well if they’re given the proper amount of time.  Layla winning here is probably due to Michelle leaving soon if not tonight apparently which is fine.  Definitely one of the better matches with the females in awhile as this worked fine.  Layle is getting a lot better every time she gets in there, which is definitely a good sign.

Layla cries as she leaves.

Michelle gets the goodbye song treatment but Kharma (Awesome Kong) debuts.  Implant Buster kills Michelle dead with ease.  All of the Divas are freaked out.  Beth is made to look the most prominent here.

Alberto gives Ricardo instructions on how to announce the ending.

We recap Edge’s retirement and the title being vacant.  This gets the 3 Doors Down video again which makes me smile.  Edge was supposed to defend in a ladder match but had to retire due to a neck injury so Christian took his place by winning a battle royal.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

Ladder match here.  Well we’re in Christian’s match with Edge’s momentum behind him in his (kind of) hometown.  If he doesn’t win here, he’s never going to have a better chance.  Brawl to start and Christian goes for the ladder only for the king of the golden banana hammock to take over.  Baseball slide into the ladder into Del Rio as Christian takes control right back.

First ladder is brought in and Del Rio gets in a shot to take over.  Christian is knocked to the floor as Del Rio gets the big ladder set up between the table and the ring like a platform.  Suplex is blocked but Christian is kicked into the steps hip first.  The Canadian gets knocked off the top onto a ladder and then jumps onto Del Rio to keep the advantage for the most part.

Up goes Christian but we’re only about 8 minutes into this so that’s not the ending.  They slug it out but the Killswitch is avoided.  Del Rio is sent into the ladder arm first.  Big ladder goes up in the middle of the ring but Del Rio chucks a stepladder at Christian for the save.  Codebreaker to the arm with Del Rio on the small ladder and Christian coming off the big ladder which looked awesome.

Del Rio works on the arm a bit as Cole declares Christian done.  The small ladder (I smell an alliance with Horny) is used again but Del Rio goes crashing into the big ladder to put him down.  Christian goes up again, only to get caught by Alberto in a kind of powerbomb move which is countered by a rana by Christian.  They fight over a chance to put the other through the ladder platform but Christian gets a suplex onto a ladder to put Del Rio down.

Alberto goes up, only to be stopped but the arm goes out on Christian as Alberto keeps control.  Chair slipped in by Ricardo which goes nowhere.  Back in the ring Christian busts out a SPEAR to put Del Rio down.  I guess he isn’t a master of it though as Del Rio makes the save by pulling Christian through the rungs of the ladder.  Christian slips free, sending Alberto into the corner where the stepladder gets kicked into his face again.

Christian gets laid out on the platform ladder and Del Rio goes up for an elbow/legdrop/splash/whatever.  Christian moves though and the ladder DOESN”T BREAK.  FREAKING OW MAN!  There goes the Canadian but Brodus runs in to move the ladder and pull him down.  Stepladder shot puts Clay down as Del Rio comes back in to take over.  Cross armbreaker with the arm in the ladder makes Christian tap which means nothing.

Christian is busted open so we bust out the towel.  Alberto sets up the ladder and has to take his time as first aid is administered, making this look REALLY FREAKING STUPID.  He goes up but a horn honks and Edge is in a car.  Brodus is busted BAD.  The distraction lets Christian shove Alberto onto Clay and Christian is champion.  One important thing here: Edge stands off to the side for a good while to let Christian celebrate on his own.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and this is the right move.  I’m skeptical about Christian as champion still, but this was 100% the right call given the circumstances.  He gets the chance to run with things here, despite being 37 now.  It’s a gamble, but it’s not a huge walk the plank one so I don’t have many complaints here.  Rather good match too but nothing we haven’t seen before for the most part.

Edge celebrates with Christian but DOESN’T STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT.

Package on Orton’s movie at a film festival.  I think they’ve figured out the idea here: let the actors do the acting and let the WWE guys have supporting roles.  It’ll do a lot better.

Riley gives Miz a pep talk as the fans can be heard heckling Del Rio.

Tag Titles: Kane/Big Show vs. Wade Barrett/Ezekiel Jackson

 

Lumberjack match here which is really needed as it’s 10:15 and we only had the Raw title match left.  Show vs. Barrett to start us off as Show dominates.  Kane comes in with his low dropkick for two.  Everything breaks down quickly as Show beats up various jobber lumberjacks as Jackson runs over Kane to take over.  Double clothesline puts both guys down as this is a bit of a mess.  It’s a bonus match though so you really can’t complain that much.

Off to Show who cleans a few rooms but gets sent to the floor by Jackson.  Jobbers pound on him which means they’ll be his dinner later.  DH Smith is actually here.  Wow indeed.  They finally get Show back in and Jackson slams him, but Barrett wants the glory.  The glaring between the foreigners allows Show to grab a chokeslam to retain over Barrett.  Just a quick match here.

Rating: D+. Again, it’s a bonus match so you really can’t complain much here.  They filled in the card and pushed the whole Corre breaking down thing.  This was fine for what it was as they weren’t expected to do anything of note.  I’m done will filling in space here but with this sentence I get four lines out of it so I’m happy.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison

 

In a cage and it’s pin, submission or escape.  Miz tries to run but the not brothers John save him.  Midnight Express flapjack puts the champ down as we’re firmly into the three way formula already.  Everyone beats on everyone as the former tag champions……and by that I mean Miz and Morrison…..go up but Cena makes the save.  Miz and Cena fight on the top rope for a bit and down goes Cena.

Morrison tries to make a quick escape as Miz tries a pin but the champion saves.  They sit on top of the cage and slug it out as Booker says they’re 20 or 30 feet in the air.  I give up.  Cena pops up and it’s a double suplex to Miz but they kind of botch it into almost a double brainbuster.  That looked SICK.  Back to the formula again and down goes Morrison.

Cena locks on the STF but Miz tries to escape.  Cena lets go for some reason and no one escapes.  Morrison gets thrown into the cage, only to jump up the wall and almost escape.  He’s a wildcard in this and changes the whole thing, as wildcards are designed to do.  With the Johns on top, Miz tries to go out the door.  Morrison kicks the door onto his head but gets crotched on said door.

Miz wisely pulls Morrison back into the cage because Morrison was about to just fall onto the floor.  Cena gets two on Morrison.  BIG DDT on Cena by Miz gets two.  Miz rams Cena into the cage and Morrison almost escapes, only to be caught again by Miz.  They slug it out on top of the cage again and Miz can’t quite get down.  Miz goes down so Morrison launches a Starship Pain off the cage to take out both guys in a cool spot.

Morrison almost gets out but of course here’s Truth to slam the door on Morrison’s head.  Truth comes into the cage and destroys Morrison.  Axe kick to Cena as Booker is confused.  Jumping downward spiral (NAME THAT MOVE ALREADY!) to Morrison as Truth climbs the cage.  He hasn’t touched Miz.  Truth climbs out of the cage and has the big freaky eyes going on.

Everyone is down now and Miz is the first one up.  He goes to escape, for some reason not going through the door, only to be caught by Cena.  They slug it out with the boo/yay which is required for Cena matches anymore.  Skull Crushing Finale is blocked into a big old FU off the top (stealing moves from Orton Cena?  Really) and Cena is champion again.

Rating: B-. Well we all knew the Truth interference was coming and that Morrison wasn’t walking out with the title which is fine.  The ending sets up a rematch and Truth vs. Morrison which is fine on both counts.  This was a pretty solid main event to a pretty solid show which is always a good sign.  They worked the formula and they worked it well here, so no complaints for the most part.

Overall Rating: A-. Dude this show was pretty awesome.  There are good matches throughout, some history thrown in there and two bonus matches, one of which was pretty good.  This is a lot like TLC: it wasn’t meant to be an epic show but rather fun instead and that’s just what they did here.  Good stuff throughout and not boring at all with everyone working hard.  That’s what you want here and it paid off.  Very good show and rather fun overall.

Results

Randy Orton b. CM Punk when Punk couldn’t answer the ten count

Kofi Kingston b. Sheamus – Boom Drop through a table

Michael Cole/Jack Swagger b. Jim Ross/Jerry Lawler – Cole pinned Ross with a rollup

Rey Mysterio b. Cody Rhodes – Springboard splash

Layla b. Michelle McCool – Crucifix Pin

Christian b. Alberto Del Rio – Christian pulled down the championship

Big Show/Kane b. Ezekiel Jackson/Wade Barrett – Big Show pinned Barrett after a chokeslam

John Cena b. John Morrison and The Miz – Cena pinned Miz after an Attitude Adjustment off the top

Extreme Rules 2010
Date: April 25, 2010
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Arena
Attendance: 12,278
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Ok so here we are. Again this is hopefully going to be a live review so if it comes off as odd don’t be surprised. This show was plagued by a lack of Raw build up show due to the volcano in Iceland. Even still though, this is a minor PPV as it’s just a rehash of the Mania feuds. This is the show where everything is a gimmick match which is always at least cool in theory. The main event is Batista/Cena in a last man standing match. Let’s get to it.

Opening video more or less says that Extreme rules. Cute. Incredibly stupid, but cute. Rey/Punk gets a higher billing than Edge/Jericho. That’s rather odd. Standard video package that sums up everything. WWE is very user friendly. It’s easy to step into any show and get what’s going on. That’s a HUGE perk for attracting new fans.

Street Fight: HHH vs. Sheamus

WOW. This is the opener? I’m stunned actually. This has been a decent build up to a feud…and there’s no HHH. ICELAND ATTACKS AGAIN! We go to the back and Sheamus has jumped HHH. I like it. It gives things a feeling of you don’t know what’s coming which is a very nice touch to say the least. The pale one has a steel pipe and gets in a solid shot on HHH’s head. I guess this has officially started but I’m not sure. The referee calls for the medic and we go to the arena.

And Big Show and Miz are here. Ok then. These two aren’t scheduled but I’d bet on a tag title match. They’re not scheduled but they just happen to have their wrestling gear on. The jacket on Miz works in some weird way. Miz has risen so far so fast that it’s amazing. I think Bret is going to be here soon.

Oh apparently they’re moving that to tomorrow. They say they have a lack of competition and they’re praying for opponents. I smell Kane for some reason. Here’s Teddy Long. He makes ShowMiz vs. a team of his choosing. This is just for a title shot, not the titles. Got it. And the opponents are….not announced yet. I’m liking this live way of reviewing actually. Ah .

Tag Team Gauntlet

R-Truth and Morrison are opening us up here. This is the first of three teams. I know this is a rematch of Mania but come on now. Actually this works so I can’t complain that much. Cole says the fans are behind the face team. NO REALLY? It’s a bit better than the previous one at Mania, but not by much. Morrison screws up and gets disqualified by not letting Show out of the ropes when he has a triangle choke on. Ok then.

Team number two is MVP/Mark Henry. This is rather short but it works fine I guess. Without going into details, MVP gets punched and pinned.

Cue Hart Dynasty, Hart Attack, pin. Literally, that’s it.

Rating: N/A. Too much of a mess to really grade it as a regular match. Something like this was needed to flesh out the card though. It came off fine though.

Grisham tries to give us an update on HHH but Sheamus says he’ll have to forfeit or get a worse beating.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Remember if Punk loses his head is shaved. Punk NEEDS this. Rey is wearing a Skelator mask. Ok then. Punk hits that sweet powerslam of his. In a nice spot, Punk just throws Punk under the ropes so he crashes into the floor. Nicely done. Gallows has a bit of an Austin look going for him.

Decent match far and longer than their Mania one I think. Come on WWE don’t kill Punk off yet. He busts out a bow and arrow of all things. Nice. Striker tries to turn Cole and Lawler to Straightedge. I like it. Punk busts out a freaking Gory Special of all things. See? Even back then they had special moves. No Mercy stole from them! Punk is more or less dominating, which scares me to no end. Serena stops the 619 and she and Gallows get ejected.

Rey hits an Asai Moonsault to get right back into it. Crowd is red hot by the way. Rey gets a seated senton but Punk hits a dropkick to make the save. This is a storied rivalry already. No Striker. Just no. Punk hits his springboard clothesline and I can’t stand Rey anymore. Seriously, get over the whole overcoming the odds idea.

It’s just stupid anymore. GTS is countered into a rana for 2 and then punk kicks Rey’s head off. Solid match to put it mildly. Rey gets the freaking 619 and someone slides a chair into the ring. It’s a bald guy that slides under the ring. No clue who that was. He also drops Rey with something on the floor and Rey is out. GTS ends it. YES!

Rating: A-. VERY good match that had me wondering who would win up until the very end. Also, this is the way the match needed to end. Rey needed to lose here and Punk now has a credible win in this gimmick. That was a great match though. Love it and yes my Punk bias likely has a lot to do with it but still.

Strap Match: JTG vs. Shad Gaspar

It’s the four corners version here which I’m in the minority that actually prefers it that way. I just could not care less about this match. I truly couldn’t. JTG needs to win to regain credibility apparently. That would imply he had it to begin with, which is a straight up lie. Shad is dominating for the most part here. Yeah riveting.

Wow the crowd is SILENT for this. Who would have seen that coming? Shad just destroys JTG here and beats on him with the strap sans mercy. Shad gets his first three…and JTG does the same three. Not THIS finish again. Yep. JTG hits his finisher and dives for the 4th corner. Screw me running at least it’s over.

Rating: D-. And I like these kinds of matches. The crowd simply could not care less and it came off very clearly here. I mean NO ONE cared. Just boring here with two guys that have no heat on them at all. At least it’s over though.

HHH can’t fight tonight. Yeah I’ll buy that.

Orton vs. Swagger is next? Really? We hit the recap. You know the drill by now.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger

Remember it’s Extreme Rules which I guess means no rules? Crowd loves them some Orton. Swagger controls early on as you would expect. I’m hoping they don’t make the switch tonight. Orton chasing the title for a few months would be nice. Also Swagger needs the credibility that the title gives him.

I love how more or less the announcers say Orton has nothing but the RKO. That’s not that nice. Swagger is dominating but Orton gets a belt shot to break that up. Ok then. Orton hits that same powerslam that Punk hit earlier. Swagger counters the elevated DDT too. Nicely done. It’s garbage can time.

SICK shots with it from Orton. Those were nice. Orton is going off now and it’s awesome. Orton does a stomp to Swagger’s head while he’s on the steps. Ow. The knee drop misses though and Swagger hits the floor. Naturally he gets caught in the elevated DDT though and it’s Orton setting for the RKO now. Hint: when he slaps the mat and shouts, it means RKO is coming.

Instead though he sets up a chair but the RKO onto it is countered. Well kind of it was. The look came off terribly but I get the concept. Gutwrench powerbomb hits and Swagger gets the pin. HUGE win there. That was all Swagger as he countered the RKO and got the pin. All Swagger there. Post match Orton gets the RKO to keep the tweener thing going.

Rating: B-. Not great but the booking was exactly right. This was a decent little match as Swagger is getting better and better in the ring. I liked it for what it was. No classic but not bad at all.

And here’s Sheamus. Ok then. And despite not being able to feel his hand, here comes HHH. Ok, if he wins here, I give up.

Street Fight: Sheamus vs. HHH

HHH of course controls to start things off which is bearable I guess. He hits the spinebuster but can’t get the Pedigree because of the arm being how hurt it is. Now this is more like it. He’s just ramming HHH into the barricade over and over again. I forgot this is a street fight. That’s not a good sign at all.

Striker and King are arguing like no other here and it’s coming off as great. Striker says he and Lawler have both wrestled hurt. That’s rather stupid. Striker wrestled for what, a year or so? Just seems ridiculous to compare the two of them. And of course HHH has the energy to use a DDT with his left arm.

HHH grabs a pipe and smacks HHH in the head with it. Naturally he kicks out. Sure why not? Apparently after a massive Irish man blasts you in the head with a steel pipe you can kick out via instinct. Sure why not? Celtic Cross is blocked. Apparently that’s called Pale Justice now. HHH gets a kendo stick and all of a sudden his arm is fine. That makes my head hurt. This has at least picked up a bit. Pump kick hits though. A second kick hits and it’s all Sheamus.

Naturally he lets HHH get up and the third and fourth kicks land to FINALLY end him. And remember kiddies: do not attempt making yourself look that strong without a licensed wife with connections. To be fair, the ending makes this a lot more bearable. Post match he fights off a cervical collar and tries to crawl off. He’s almost to the entrance when Sheamus hits ANOTHER kick to put him down again. Nice.

Rating: C-. The second half saved this match. The first half was borderline failure but the weapons helped it a lot. Sheamus winning is the right thing though, period. Yes HHH looked very strong, but to be fair he laid down at the end of the match and that’s what counts at the end of the day. Not terrible but more about the angle afterwards than the match.

Ad for Over the Limit. Oh dear.

Edge is getting ready.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool

This is an Extreme Makeover match. Michelle looks great of course. The music helps a lot here for her I think. There’s a table of makeup etc at ringside. Beth gets a semi-pop. Can someone shut Beth up? Please? Michelle is possibly the best women’s athlete ever? Really? That’s just pitiful.

Basically we’re just making fun of Vickie and using random weapons like hairspray and ironing boards. Beth counters the hairspray again and it’s one on one now. Vickie has a broom. Make your own jokes. Glam Slam ends it like it should have.

Rating: D. And that’s mainly due to Beth’s awesome cleavage in this one. This was a comedy match to put it nicely and it didn’t come off well to put it nicely. The girls looked hot, but having them use things like makeup and ironing boards? Really?

Ad for the Mania DVD.

Jericho does his usual great promo about how it ends tonight. He looks buff to say the least.

No recap actually.

Cage Match: Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Ah ok we got a quick recap after Edge’s intro. Makes more sense. Jericho stalls a lot to play himself some heel. Ah there we go now they’re both in. And we see Jericho’s tights pulled down. Didn’t need that one there. Jericho gets rammed into the cage. Striker: The metal militia bares its fangs.

Edge goes for the spear but misses entirely. That’s never a good thing. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho busts out from time to time. Striker talks about footwork and Lawler just couldn’t care less. In a cool spot, Jericho hits a leg whip from the top into the Walls. Nicely done. Edge does the climb the ropes spot to get out which is a nice counter.

Jericho has the door open and knocks Edge to the middle of the ring. Then of course like an idiot he gets out of the cage and goes back in. Yeah he’s an idiot. Edge hits a fast spear for two. Codebreaker gets two and we fight on top of the cage for a bit. Edge gets crotched and Jericho gets out AGAIN but this time Edge stops him from falling.

We fight on top even more and Jericho comes back into the cage. And so does Edge. In a NICE spot, Edge is standing on the top rope and Jericho gets a running start, hits the other rope and into a Codebreaker so both guys are down. Nice. That only gets two for a pretty weak pop. Jericho goes for the top of the cage but Edge saves again.

He slams the door on Jericho’s ankle. That would freaking hurt. Edge spins the ankle around in a weird move. This is more psychological than anything else. Ok not really but there’s some of it in there. More ankle work. Edge hits a CRAP spear for the pin. Why does the announcer’s voice always crack when he’s saying superstar?

Rating: B. Good match here but not great. If nothing else, this gives Edge the definitive win here. That’s the biggest thing I think. It wasn’t great, but it did its purpose. Solid stuff, but nothing great though. Also, stop the stupid pinning in the cage. It’s just so idiotic. Two men enter, one man leaves. Not two men enter, one keeps the other down for three seconds.

We recap Cena vs. Batista. You know it by now.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Batista

We get the big match intros. Depending on the source you read, this might be Big Dave’s last match. We get some feeling out stuff and then Batista is like screw it I’m getting a chair. Naturally this doesn’t work. When did so many people start using the big boot? FU doesn’t hit and Cena is thrown into the post.

Batista goes for the knee because that strategy always works in these things right? He does that for a good while. Cena gets a reversal into the steps to get Cena back to about even. Batista busts out a freaking figure four. Well you can’t fault him for a lack of psychology. Cena goes into his sequence but Batista hits the floor.

FU onto the chair hits but it gets 8. Wow that’s odd to type. Spinebuster gets 8 for Big Dave. Cena goes thgrough a table and of course that’s not enough. Batista is looking for plundah, perhaps a bicycle, when a kid yells that he hates the Animal. The Animal feels the same way. Cena puts him through the announce table. You can kind of say this is a paint by numbers thing. It’s not but you could say it is. STFU goes on and Big Dave taps, but you can’t win that way.

He’s out but gets up at 9. Nice little throwback (I crack myself up) to Raw two weeks ago. With nothing else left, Cena crotches him on the post and busts out Duct Tape to tie his legs together. Since he isn’t standing, that’s good enough to retain. Or win the title according to the main page.

Rating: B. Solid match but nothing classic. Cena beats Batista again to end the feud and possibly end Batista. This was fine for what it was, which is something I think people need to keep in mind. They weren’t going for a classic showdown here. That was at Mania. This was the violence aspect of it and more about a definitive ending. You have to keep that in mind on matches like these as it’s a huge difference in style and goals.

Overall Rating: B. I thought this was solid. Not great, but solid. Again, you have to keep in mind what you’re looking at here. Just by the name alone, Extreme Rules, you know this isn’t a standard PPV. It was a gimmick show and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. There isn’t a truly bad match all show, with the strap match and I guess the Divas match being the low points.

However you have a surprise ending and hot women. What more do you need? As for the best part of this show, the youth movement continues. Swagger gets a HUGE win over Orton and did it on his own. He countered the RKO, he hit the Bomb, he got the pin. That’s all you need. Also, Punk got the win that the needed in a great match. All of a sudden, he has credibility and momentum all over again. That’s all you need again.

Oh and Sheamus beats the crap out of HHH. Overall, this show did a great job of closing a lot of doors and getting the rest of the ones opened that need to be opened. This was a successful show. I’ll go with that. Oh and one more thing: there was a feeling of you didn’t know what was coming due to the opening of the show. That’s a very important thing there and it worked very well.

Punk/Mysterio and the main event are worth seeing. Everything else is decent enough for a watch later on. This isn’t a great show, but in a few years it would be a great way to kill an afternoon when it’s raining. Good show.

Wrestlemania 27
Date: April 3, 2011
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 71,617
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Jim Ross
America the Beautiful: Keri Hilson

Well here we are.  It’s the biggest night of the year and we’re heading to Georgia for the first time in Mania history.  The main events are John Cena vs. The Miz for the Raw Title, Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio for the SD Title and HHH vs. Undertaker (not II of course).  This is the night we’ve all looked forward to, and there’s that Rock guy here too.  Let’s get to it.

The dark match was the US Title match but it turned into a non-title battle royal with Khali eliminating Sheamus to end it.  I’m assuming the US Title match will be later.

Note that this is being written live so please excuse any marking out moments.

Keri Hilson, some singer I don’t know, sings America the Beautiful.

The voiceover guy here is like an old vaudeville voice which is kind of cool.  Up first: here’s THE ROCK!  The Great One looks…well great.  The arena looks awesome too.  Actually it’s a stadium but whatever.  After posing forever he teases the FINALLY before hitting it.  Bunch of Fruity Pebbles signs in the crowd.  Rock promises this will be electrifying.  Time for a little game: the Rock says Yabba, the people say Dabba.  This somehow takes up FIFTEEN MINUTES overall and he does a huge IF YA SMELL to end it.

Video about the major moments in Mania history and the big ones tonight.  Standard awesome intro video.  I know they were cutting out the wrestling but this is ridiculous.

There’s the traditional big fireworks display and we get a match!

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

WHAT THE HECK???  THIS IS THE OPENING MATCH???  The intro is great for Alberto as the video where the car comes from is designed to look like his driveway at his estate so he’s driving out of it.  That’s awesome.  Clay is here with Alberto.  Here’s Christian to back up Edge.  I think shenanigans may be afoot.  This gets the big match intros because it’s a big match.  Can’t fault their logic there.

I’m watching on a stream so I’ll do my best on the times but I make no guarantees on their accuracy other than in general.  Edge fires away early on as Cole talks about the arm.  Naturally that triggers an attack on said arm which is in trouble early.  The arm work continues as is intelligent.  Alberto goes to the floor so Edge flips forward over the ropes and lands mostly on Del Rio in a cool spot.

As the champion comes back in though Del Rio pulls him off the top in an armbar.  The Cross Armbreaker is countered into the Edge-O-Matic as Edge gets two.  Out of nowhere the armbreaker goes on but Edge rolls through to escape.  Dueling chants begin.  Edge goes up again but Del Rio gets the running enziguri to take him down for two.  Christian and Clay get into it and Christian goes flying via a suplex.

Edgecution sets up the attempted spear but Alberto avoids.  He stops in the corner and Clay grabs the arm and rams it into the post.  The armbreaker goes on full force after a bit of a block.  Edge reverses into a rollup/cradle move that makes Alberto break it up to escape.  Edge gets the Edgecator and Alberto is in trouble.  Clay tries to come in but Christian gets the tornado DDT off the apron to the floor to take him down.  Del Rio escapes but walks into the spear to end this at approximately 11:00.  Wow that was abrupt.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t terrible but dude, 11 minutes for this?  That’s in the level of Cena/JBL at Mania 21.  Not a bad match but it felt like a match that could have easily been on Smackdown as a regular main event.  Alberto didn’t need to get the title yet so at least the right man won.  Still though, 11 minutes?

Edge beats up the Rolls Royce post match.  By that I mean he destroys it with a crowbar.  Why Alberto doesn’t go after it is beyond me.  Alberto yells for Christian for some reason.  Oh ok Christian was helping with a ball bat.  I need to pay more attention.

Cole talks about being in the main event and is in a suit, as is Jerry.  They….they couldn’t really be putting that on last could they?

Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

 

As Rhodes comes to the ring we get the video recap of this.  In short, Rey hit Cody with a 619 with a metal knee brace that Cody exposed earlier in the match, injuring the Dashing features of Cody.  If this is a few years later, look up Dashing Cody Rhodes for an awesome heel in 2010.  Rey’s character this year: Captain America.  Ok that’s not bad.

Rey “helps” Cody take the jacket off as Cody is all afraid of being seen.  Rana takes Cody down but a shoulder block shifts the momentum immediately.  Cody immediately goes for the knee which is a bit odd but whatever.  Beautiful Disaster leaves Rey seemingly dead but it only gets two.  I could definitely see this being the modern Bob Orton injury angle which could work for months if played up right.

A rana is eventually countered into the Alabama Slam for two.  That’s one of the things I like about Cody: he incorporates things from his past into his offense, which is a sign of him growing.  Also he stopped having the big Triforces on his boots which was definitely a face thing.  Cody gives Rey a neck massage which I’d assume is to get his arms tingling right?

Mysterio tries to speed things up a bit but gets caught on top and it’s a delayed vertical suplex from the middle rope which is pretty awesome.  That only gets two though.  The crowd is mostly into this but is kind of quiet.  Granted that’s what a superhero comeback is all about.  Cross Rhodes is avoided and we hit the floor for a bit with Cody’s face being sent into the apron.

Back in the ring and a seated senton means we speed things up a little.  Rey kind of looks like something you would see in a Captain America cosplay contest.  Wheelbarrow suplex by Cody gets two.  Rey finally gets him in 619 position but it gets caught and Cody hits a slingshot to send Rey’s throat/chest into the middle rope for two.  Cody tries to take the knee brace off and manages to get it, meaning Rey’s knees are about to snap like a Kit Kat.

Rey fights him off to a bit and gets a moonsault press for two.  Cody’s mask comes off and he gets sent into the 619 position.  You can see Rey’s not moving the same without the knee brace.  Rey goes up but the splash meets knees.  Big kick to the head gets only two as this is a good match.  Rey puts Cody’s mask on and I’m not sure if Cody knows it or not.  Rey gets some running headbutts to send Cody reeling and a swan dive gets….two.  Wow I would have thought that was the finish.  The referee throws the knee brace out and Cody hits Cross Rhodes for the shocking (but good) pin at approximately 12:15.

Rating: B. I was into this and it was a solid match.  Also, thank goodness Cody won here so he can continue his Phantom of the Opera kind of thing.  I’m very pleased with this as Cody continues to be one of the best guys in the company at this point.  I’d love to see him get a quick title feud with Edge but I doubt it’ll happen.

Snoop Dogg is with Teddy Long and Snoop is looking for talent for a tour he’s got coming up.  Teddy has some WWE talent to audition for him.  Regal does a rap and it’s again hilarious.  Khali and Beth Phoenix do a song from Grease and get hooked more or less.  Zach Ryder sings something that is apparently from a chick named Rebecca Black and Roddy Piper hits him with what might have been a coconut.  Piper looks good.

Tatsu and Masters do We Will Rock You with Masters doing the pec dance to the drums.  Horny is going to do a rap apparently but he can’t talk.  Teddy and Snoop leave and Horny raps while the Bellas dance.  At least we got the good looking twins.

Corre vs. Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston/Big Show/Kane

 

The change of Kozlov to Kingston was kind of a surprise but I’m pretty sure if was officially announced.  I can’t complain a bit there either as Kofi should be on the card.  Santino vs. Slater to start us off here.  Big kick by Santino misses so it’s off to Show who cleans a few rooms.  You can’t really say cleans house for one guy.

Show rams into Slater in the corner but Jackson runs him over.  Everything breaks down almost immediately and Barrett takes Trouble in Paradise.  This is moving around too fast to call.  Cobra time and it hits Santino.  The Knockout Punch ends Slater and the match in about 1:40.  Yeah there was a point to this.  No rating of course.  That punch was SICK in the replay.

Rock hits on Eve in his first appearance in 45 minutes.  He talks about making magical moments.  For instance whoever comes around the corner next (without Rock looking) is going to get a magical moment with Rock.  And it’s Mae Young.  I was thinking it would be her.  She wants the People’s Strudel.  Rock says that Mae should be after Moses’ strudel.  Rock have Eve escort Mae to her seat.  Mae spanks Rock for fun.

Rock does the around the corner thing again and IT’S AUSTIN!!!!  I was hoping this would happen as it flat out needed to be done.  This is like an old western.  They’re both retired and it’s an incredible moment to say the least.  They shake hands and say it was good to see each other.  Totally AWESOME moment here and something that absolutely had to happen.

We recap Punk vs. Orton.  In short, Orton punted Punk in the head two years earlier and cost Punk the title.  Punk waited two years to get his revenge and sent the New Nexus after him.  This more or less crippled the entire feud as it just died when Orton ran through Nexus the entire time.  Oh and Orton had a bus for some reason and Punk hit him in the knee with a pipe or something so the leg is bad.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

 

Punk goes for the knee early but that gets him clotheslined.  Out to the floor and Punk is sent into the steps but he jumps/steps over them which I don’t remember seeing before.  He kicks the steps into the knee of Orton to take over.  The fans chant for Orton as Punk hits a top rope cross body for two.

Orton fires back with the backbreaker and Punk is down a bit.  He tries to fight out of the corner but Punk gets something like a jawbreaker onto the knee.  That’s a new one.  Orton gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Punk hammers away.  Punk gives the sign for the GTS which of course doesn’t work as Punk does what any idiot villain does and walks around before he tries anything.

Randy escapes over the back and tries the RKO but gets kicked in the head for two instead.  Punk goes to the outside but gets crotched.  His reaction is awesome to say the least.  The fans want a DDT off the top so Orton goes up.  And the fans get something similar in the form of a superplex for two in a NICE callback to Orton’s papa (that was Bob’s finisher).

Punk fights back and actually gets the figure four around the post and does it to the correct leg!  Leg lock back in the ring and it’s almost an Indian Deathlock.  Orton fights out and gets the Angle Slam.  Finally Cole doesn’t call it something stupid.  Orton goes insane again and hits the Thesz Press to ZERO reaction.  Punk fires back with kicks and a leg sweep and there’s the Anaconda Vice!  The hold makes no sense given the knee work but it’s not going to be the finish anyway.

Orton is in trouble but he manages to roll out of it and into the ropes in a nice little counter.  Punk goes to the apron and stands on the bottom rope because he’s not that intelligent.  He gets sent into the post and the elevated DDT takes him down.  Orton slams the mat and doesn’t break his arm this time.  The face is awesome to say the least.  He takes FOREVER though and you know it’s not hitting here.

Instead he backs up for the one legged punt because you know he can get a running start after not being able to stand a few minutes ago.  Thank goodness Orton falls down on the approach.  Punk looks all psycho and his hair is even freakier.  He goes over to Punk and gets….not caught in the RKO as Punk shot out of the back.  I thought it was a botch but that was intentional.  Here’s your big RKO spot as Punk tries the springboard clothesline but jumps into a nice RKO to end it at 14:40.

Rating: B-. I’m not a fan of Orton but this was pretty good stuff.  They gave it some time and the knee worked pretty well as Punk went into the air rather than having to jump.  Pretty good here but you kind of have to wonder where this goes from here as well as where Punk goes.  Granted that’s the point of watching tomorrow I guess.

Rock is with Gene Okerlund (do your own caps) who says that Cena’s #1 fan is coming here to confront Rock tonight.  And it’s Pee Wee Herman.  Gene wears Cena gear and Herman does the Rock’s line.  I don’t care for Herman so this was nothing at all.

Hall of Fame time.  Abdullah can barely walk.

Sunny looks good for the most part.  She needs to just flash the crowd and get it over with.

Animal in a tux looks weird.  Ellering is there too, complete with sunglasses.

Drew Carey is murdered by the crowd and rightfully so.

Armstrong gets no reaction at all, probably because no one knows who he is.

Duggan gets a nice ovation and there’s a bowtie on his 2×4.

And now for the one that matters.  Yep the roof is gone.

We get a Wrestlemania Recall….which is from Raw.  It’s Cole throwing soda in Lawler’s face.  I hope this is next and it is.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

 

Booker T and JR are on commentary with Josh.  They both get intros, I guess to buy the guys time.  As JR is coming to the ring, Cole interrupts him, complete with an orange hoodie and headgear and shorts.  I give up.  Cole runs his mouth about Lawler being old and all that jazz.  Oh and he runs down the barbecue sauce.  Well at least this isn’t the main event like they hinted at.  Cole keeps stalling for time for Lawler which is fine.

Swagger comes out to no reaction at all.  We get the pushups but in mid push the glass shatters and Austin is here with ATV and I think a new shirt.  Cole took off the hoodie and is in a singlet.  For no apparent reason Cole jumps off the apron when Austin is charging around it and has to hide in the box.  Lawler comes out to his regular music thank goodness.  He looks a bit like Shawn with his attire.

Somehow this is the best built match of the night.  Lawler is in his usual attire in the ring as Cole stands on his desk in the Cole Mine to warm up.  Austin says ring the bell and sends Lawler after Cole.  Swagger charges and gets sent into the post and then the barrier.  Cole begs off and is close enough to a mic for us to hear him.  He offers a handshake through a hole in the box.  Is that like a glory hole for idiots?

Lawler pulls on Cole’s hand and rams his head into the box.  Jerry finally climbs into the freaking box and beats the heck out of Cole.  This is awesome.  Jerry destroys him and gets him out of the box.  Into the GM podium he goes and Jerry tosses him into the ring.  Swagger gets up and drills Jerry to put him down.  Cole gets something close to a baseball slide to the send Jerry down.

Ankle lock by Swagger when Austin is distracted.  The comeback for this is going to be awesome.  Austin counts incredibly slowly and Cole works on the knee.  Cole might have a 3 Stooges tattoo on his back.  That’s something I really didn’t want to know.  The fans say Cole can’t wrestle.  Well he’s not a wrestler so I think that’s ok.  The fans think this is nonsense.  Such an impatient generation.

Cole tries a Vader Bomb (screw that Swagger Bomb stuff) from the bottom rope and Jerry powers out of it.  Jerry gets some punches in but Cole goes back to the leg.  The fans say boring so Cole pulls a strap down and puts on the AnCole Lock.  Jerry doesn’t seem to mind and kicks Cole off to wake up the crowd.  He walks it off and Cole is caught.

A mudhole is stomped….kind of.  Swagger throws in the towel and Austin is like WHAT?  There’s a Stunner for Swagger as the fans are way into it now.  And now it is time to pay.  Austin looks at his watch and Cole slaps his hand away and SHOVES AUSTIN.  Big right hand by Lawler and the beating is on.

The fans get behind Lawler as the punches come in hard and there’s a dropkick.  With a point to the sign and the strap coming down it’s a jumping punch from the middle rope.  That gets two as Jerry pulls him up.  This has to end with the Piledriver.  Jerry grabs the ankle lock and Cole taps.  Austin makes sure it’s really a tap in a funny bit.  Cole insists he gives up and there’s the bell.  Dang it that should have been the Piledriver but the ankle lock ends it at approximately 14:00.

Rating: C. This was a letdown for me.  First of all the ankle lock was a pretty weak finisher and Cole was on offense too long.  It wasn’t bad but they needed to change a few things out there to really make it awesome.  This needed a Piledriver but I can understand Cole being afraid to take it or whatever.

Post match it’s time for a beer bash and Booker gets in the ring.  Jerry takes a beer but doesn’t drink it (he’s a known non-drinker).  There’s a spinarooni for Mania and why is this about Booker T again?  Stunner to Booker and more beer is consumed.  Jerry hasn’t drank any it seems.  We get an E-Mail of all things to interrupt this.  The referee overstepped his boundaries and the winner is Michael Cole by DQ.  Please let this be a late April Fool’s joke.  Amazingly it’s not and Matthews gets a Stunner.  And the show is officially killed.

This should have been easy and they screwed it up.  I’m in awe of their utter stupidity here.

We get a video of Wrestlemania Week and I do not care.  I’m still stunned at the utter stupidity of what they just did.

Lawler and Ross are on commentary now which is cool but they couldn’t do that without the whole stupidity thing there?  Yes I’m harping on it but man that was idiotic.

We recap HHH vs. Undertaker with a package we’ve seen a dozen or so times now.  In short, HHH wants to break the Streak because there’s nothing else for him to do.

Undertaker vs. HHH

 

There’s a rock version of Taker’s theme which is WAY too up tempo for him.  Oh wait that’s for HHH.  Oh man it’s For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica.  That’s cool but dude, it’s HHH.  Ah there’s All About the Game.  That’s more like it.  He has an army and a crown and yeah you get where this is going.  Still cool though.  Taker does his usual awesome entrance to Johnny Cash.

The song loops as the entrance takes too long.  Or maybe that was just the second verse.  The lightning goes off when Taker removes his hat.  The crowd is surprisingly quiet.  This is no holds barred and they slug it out immediately.  Taker grabs him by the head and fires him over the top with ease.  We go to the floor and HHH actually wins a fistfight.  His reward is being thrown into the steps.

We set up the announce table (Spanish of course) but HHH spears Taker into the Cole Mine to destroy it and put Taker down.  Taker looks up at HHH and is all ticked off.  Back in the ring and they slug it out again.  Taker works on the shoulder and here comes Old School.  That of course doesn’t work but this time you can’t blame it on him shouting OLD SCHOOL at least.  Another clothesline sends Taker to the floor as HHH is favoring his left arm.

Now they set up the American announce table as Lawler is in an Austin shirt.  Pedigree is countered as is the chokeslam but there’s a backdrop off the table to the floor and he’s holding that arm and wrist again.  Oh yeah that thing slammed into the ground HARD.  The fans chant 19-0 as the match more or less stops.  Taker busts out the Taker Dive which at least cleared the ropes and hit HHH.  It wasn’t great but at least he hit a person and not the floor.

We start using the steps and someone shouts about Shawn either being here or not being here to save HHH.  Taker sets for a tombstone I think but gets countered and hit with a headbutt.  Taker tries a running charge but gets caught by a spinebuster into the table/through the table, whichever you prefer.  This has been big spot, lay down, big spot, lay down for about 8 minutes now.

Back in the ring and a chokeslam gets two.  Taker loads up the Last Ride but gets rammed into the corner.  More dueling chants begin and HHH fires away with punches in the corner.  Taker tries the Last Ride but HHH counters in a nice callback to Mania X7 (which had nothing to do with these two facing each other.  That’s never happened at Mania.  Silly people) Pedigree is reversed as is a big boot to the face, the latter being via a spinebuster for two.

HHH goes to the floor and grabs a chair which of course goes across the Game’s back.  Pedigree out of nowhere gets two.  Last Ride gets a long two as we’re in that same formula from earlier.  Taker gives the throat slit but the Tombstone is of course….not reversed for two.  HHH kicked out of the tongue sticking out thing!  I know they’re wanting this to be epic and while it’s good they feel like they’re trying to be epic rather than actually being epic.

Taker sets for another Tombstone, this time on the chair.  Instead it’s a DDT mostly on the chair to put both guys down.  Somehow this has been going almost 20 minutes.  They both struggle to their feet and there’s a decent Pedigree for a long two.  If Scott Armstrong didn’t have the biggest hitch in his count this side of something with a very large hitch in his count, this would have been over a long time ago.

A third Pedigree is kicked out of as this is bordering on stupid here.  We get it: you can kick out of the Pedigree now DO SOMETHING ELSE!  Both guys are down and HHH gets the chair.  BIG chair shot to the head of Taker and he’s in big trouble.  Taker does his best Terry Funk shaking impression as HHH shouts what’s wrong with you.  He gets grabbed by the throat for his troubles but Taker can’t hold it.

Taker says bring it on so HHH does a throat slit.  Tombstone hits Taker and of course it gets two.  They try to play this off as some huge thing but dude, no one thought that was going to end it.  HHH goes to the floor and it’s sledgehammer time.  HHH holds up the hammer but Taker pulls him down into the Hell’s Gate and HHH is in trouble.  He drops the hammer and is in big trouble.  HHH tries to stand but is fading fast.  He gets the hammer again but can’t get a shot to the head.  HHH TAPS OUT to end this at approximately 29:10 but I had some stream issues so I’m not sure how accurate that is to the second.

Rating: B. Well it was brutal, but at the same time did anyone really believe this was ending with anything other than a big sign that said 19-0?  The whole big spot rest big spot rest got really annoying and it made the match feel a lot longer than it should have.  Good stuff, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time it ran too long and that hurt it in my eyes.

Taker gets checked out by a trainer post match and they do the big exit with both of them leaving at the same time.  Taker can barely walk and keeps falling down.  He falls down next to the ring and they have to get a cart to take him out.  I’m not sure if this is legit or not but I’m leaning towards it being so.

Good time for a Don’t Try This at Home no?

Wrestlemania 28 will be in Miami as we all knew.

Laycool/Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison/Trish Stratus/Snooki

 

Please….make it short.  Dolph is officially the business associate.  Not sure if they had covered that before but it’s official here.  At least Laycool looks incredible.  Trish should never be allowed to not wear leather.  And here’s the draw, Snooki.  Oh dear.  Well I guess she’s an improvement over Bieber.  I can’t wait for like three years from now when this is totally dated.

The girls go at it early and the guys pull them off.  Trish and Michelle start us off officially.  Trish tries to tag in Snooki early but I think the small one doesn’t want in.  Matrish leads to an attempt at a Faithbreaker but Trish counters into a facejam.  McCool counters the Stratusphere and they fight on the buckle with both crashing to the floor.  Everything breaks down and Morrison hits Starship Pain to the floor to take out Ziggler.

Off to Snooki and let the booing begin.  She does a handspring elbow into the corner which is still a stupid move.  A cartwheel into the WORST SPLASH EVER ends McCool at 3:15.  Snooki was in the match for a total of 12 seconds.  Note to future girls wanting to be a Diva: don’t bother marrying Undertaker or working to become awesome.  Get on a bad reality show and get in fights in bars.  You’ll get wins at Mania.  No rating due to it being short and it ticking me off.  Match was nothing special to say the absolute least.  Perhaps the worst celebrity match ever.

There’s a new attendance record for the Georgia Dome of 71,617.  That’s always cool to hear.

It’s time for the main event of Cena vs. Miz.  Yes, the Miz is wrestling in the main event of Wrestlemania.  BE JEALOUS!  No recap at all and it’s time to go.  I guess we’re running behind.  Ah ok here’s a package as we see Miz’s rise to the top and interspersed with various world title wins at Mania.  Miz is looking at a screen watching all this.  We get the DEMON CHILD and clips of him on Real World and Tough Enough and doing all kinds of stupid things before he got serious and AWESOME as a result.

This gets the music video treatment about how everyone hates Miz but he keeps winning.  Miz having his back to the camera the entire time is great.  This transitions into a video about the feud with Miz constantly getting the better of Cena.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. John Cena

 

Miz runs through some things that look like balloons saying AWESOME.  This is MIz’s moment and it’s working.  Riley has the varsity jacket with him here and Miz has his coat also.  Must be chilly in Atlanta.  Cena’s big entrance this year: a full on gospel choir.  We actually have a prayer with clips of Cena growing up and being awesome I guess.  They actually say Jesus here which is a bit different.  This takes a long time also, as has everything else tonight.  After the prayer the choir actually sings Cena’s theme in full on gospel style.  And then he sprints to the ring in a new shirt.

Cena is of course mostly booed out of the building.  This is listed as Cena’s 8^th straight Mania main event which is a relative term as some of them were in the middle of the card.  The bell rings twice for no apparent reason and they lock up.  Miz controls early but Cena gets a hip block to get us back to even.  Cena with some nice technique to get a headlock but that doesn’t last long.

They’re in a long feeling out period here and Miz stomps away to end that.  Miz takes over with basic stuff but gets caught in a gutwrench suplex for two.  Miz misses his running clothesline in the corner which hit earlier.  Top rope Fameasser hits for two.  Big boot to the head of Cena gets two.  They botch something so Miz gets a dropkick to the ribs to send Cena to the floor.

Back in the ring and Cena starts his finishing sequence but can’t get the FU.  Short DDT gets two for the champion.  A Let’s Go Miz chant starts up as he escapes the STFU and gets caught in a neckbreaker for two.  Miz unhooks the buckle which gets him nowhere.  Cena gets the STF but Miz grabs the rope.  Riley sends Cena into the exposed buckle and Miz gets the Skull Crushing Finale for a long two.

Down goes the referee and wouldn’t you know it that it hits just a second before the FU.  Riley comes in with the briefcase and down goes Cena again.  Naturally that only gets two as the fans are finally back into this.  Miz goes for the case but hits Riley and walks into a HUGE Attitude Adjustment for TWO!  Wow I would have bet on that being the ending there.

Out to the floor and Cena kills him with a running clothesline to send him over the barricade.  Big old spear onto the concrete by the fans and that looked sick.  They’re both dead and this is going to be a double count out.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???  This can’t be.  That had better be a legit injury or we’re not done yet.

And here’s Rock to make sure this doesn’t suck.  There’s an e-mail and Rock says that it doesn’t matter what the GM thinks so this is restarting, no DQ, no countout, no time limit.  Cena goes for the FU immediately but walks into the Rock Bottom and MIZ RETAINS!!!  The pin was at 19:30 overall, counting the big stoppage.

Rating: C-. Even with the ending this was still pretty boring.  They’re not hurt which is always a good thing but dude, did we need a false finish in something like this?  It’s the main event of Wrestlemania for crying out loud.  I get that you needed Rock out there, but make something better than that.  I’m not impressed here at all which is hard to do with me at Mania

Miz holds up the title post match and Rock looks at him.  The beatdown is on and it’s a People’s Elbow for Miz.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a VERY hit or miss Mania and it’s going to have a very mixed reaction I think.  A lot of the booking is just kind of out there, namely Cole/Lawler.  I get that they’re setting up for future shows but at the same time this is WRESTLEMANIA!  There’s some good stuff but nowhere near enough to make this really work.

There are times when you just do certain things and this is one of them.  Not impressed here at all and this is a huge fall down from last year.  Rock helped, but there’s only so much he can do.  Summerslam and Raw tomorrow better be AMAZING.  The ending helps this but certainly doesn’t save it.  WAY too rushed of a show and that’s the downfall of it.  I’ll probably have more to say on it later but that’s my initial reaction.

Results

Edge b. Alberto Del Rio – Spear

Cody Rhodes b. Rey Mysterio – Cross Rhodes

Kane/Big Show/Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella b. The Corre – Big Show pinned Slater after a punch

Randy Orton b. CM Punk – RKO

Michael Cole b. Jerry Lawler via DQ when Steve Austin got involved in the match

The Undertaker b. HHH – Hell’s Gate

Snooki/John Morrison/Trish Stratus b. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler – Snooki pinned McCool after a splash

The Miz b. John Cena – Miz pinned Cena after a Rock Bottom from the Rock

And I thought Starrcade 97 stood alone as the dumbest ending of all time.  The GM reversed the decision because Austin overstepped his boundaries as referee or something like that.  I’m stunned here.

Wrestlemania 26
Date: March 29, 2010
Location: University of Phoenix Stadium, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 72,219
Commentators: Matt Striker, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
America The Beautiful: Fantasia

Well, here we are. This has been one of the best hyped Manias in a LONG time and I could not wait for what was coming. Seriously, the card looked perfect and just about everyone that mattered was on it. The two biggest stars are fighting for the WWE Title. The Royal Rumble winner is fighting his former partner who turned on him.

Two legends are fighting in a career vs. streak match. This is old school booking at its finest and it’s worked like a charm. Pay attention Vince: keep things simple. Oh and Bret Hart and Vince are going to FINALLY end the Montreal Screwjob after over 12 years. Nothing major though. Let’s get to it.

Fantasia CANNOT SING. It sounds like an elephant stomping on my mother. The opening video is about everyone wanting to have their Wrestlemania moment. That’s the big thing indeed and that’s what it should be about. This is without a doubt the biggest night of the year and as JBL puts it the lights are on bright and everything is right here. That’s what Wrestlemania is all about: everyone wanting to steal the show.

It’s a beautiful thing and when it hits, there is nothing close to it in wrestling. They kind of run down the card without mentioning anything by name. This is really well done. That song I Made It is growing on me rapidly. It makes sense if nothing else so that’s all you need at times. Apparently this place is called the Toaster. Sure why not?

Unified Tag Titles: John Morrison/R-Truth vs. Big Show/Miz

Sweet GOODNESS there are some pretty ladies there. As X said, where are they the rest of the time? Yes, the pyro is cool in slow motion. Dang Miz’s theme music is awesome. Don’t expect a ton of criticism on this show as I thought it was awesome. The jacket on Miz…might be cool. I’m not sure though. I’d love to be the costume master for a company like this. It’s just awesome to get to pick the tights etc for these guys.

Imagine the memories of all of those various props and clothes in there. The ramp is really long so I have time to fill in here. We have a Spanish announce team. That and King being in a tux are nice things to get thrown out once in awhile. Now if only we had some John Wayne cufflinks. The arena looks awesome by the way. Apparently we’re in Romania for the first time ever tonight. Good show to start with I guess. Miz and Morrison start us off.

Morrison does that breakdancing legdrop of his. He’s athletic if nothing else. Show goes for maybe a Vader Bomb but Morrison kicks him in the head. This nearly kills Truth as Show falls backwards. Whose side is Morrison on here? Starship Pain misses. Show catches Truth’s plancha. That’s freaking insane. I mean Truth is a grown man and was coming down at Show. He just caught him. That’s insane. And Morrison goes for a springboard move and gets punched for the pin. What the heck was that?

Rating: D. This felt like about 4 minutes were edited out or something. It came from nowhere and just felt awkward. To be fair though, no one cared about this and it was just a way to get the tag titles on the show. Also, they knew this would be forgotten by the end of the show so why not just get it out of the way?

We recap the events of Mania week and it looks awesome. There was a golf tournament, an art show, and of course Axxess. Blast it looks awesome. Oh and there was a reading challenge too. Can’t beat that.

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes

Remember, this is NOT a handicap match. DiBiase has the look far more than Rhodes does and it’s not even close. That could be due to the white boots he’s wearing that make him look like a freaking moron but that could just be me. Orton is WAY over. Thankfully the next night on Raw Vince got the hint and did the full face turn that he had been dying for the past few months. Remember, this is NOT a handicap match.

Everyone throws dropkicks to start. If nothing else Rhodes is cool for the Triforce. Legacy beats up Orton and you know what’s coming. Hey, did you know there are over 70,000 people there? We’re 20 minutes in and we’ve only mentioned that 8 times or so. Didn’t know if it was clear or not. Orton gets a few punches in and the place POPS. They try a leg sweep/clothesline combo but Rhodes completely misses his leg sweep.

Make that a chopblock as I forgot my move names there for a bit. Legacy EXPLODES! Rhodes channels his former jerk…I mean partner, Hardcore Holly, with an Alabama Slam. While DiBiase throws some bad punches at Rhodes, Orton gets up. In the coolest spot of the first hour or so, Orton hits the double DDT on Legacy. That was great , of which both members of Legacy have decent looking ones. Orton humps the mat as usual, waiting on Rhodes to get up.

No RKO though as Orton channels his inner Ray Guy (He’s a punter in the Hall of Fame. How weird does that sound?) and Rhodes is out for good. DiBiase goes for Dream Street but Orton gets a sweet little counter into the RKO and the POP! The fans love this guy to say the least. And we get the sweet pose. Love that thing.

Rating: D+. Not much here, but at the same time they did the right thing. Orton needed to beat these two to put them behind him and move on to a feud with a heel. The RKO got a pop so that’s all that matters. This was exactly what it was supposed to be. Oh and to all you morons that say one of Legacy should have gone over, you’re an idiot.

Don’t try this at home. I mean it. Do it at school or at your aunt’s house. Just DO NOT TO IT AT HOME!

Vickie and her heel Divas talk about their match. I don’t pay attention because Michelle looks good. Jillian comes in to sing and Santino shows up. He bites a Slim Jim and Jillian becomes Mae Young who of course kisses him. Another bite and it’s Mean Gene. Ok that makes things better. One more bite and it’s Melina. Dang that hair is hot.

Money in the Bank

Kofi is out first and is more or less the weakest of the three favorites. His hair looks like a buffalo came in it. He’s wearing white trunks here for some reason. He’s only been qualified for 6 days at this point. MVP is in second. No one cares. At least he’s not in red anymore. Bourne is third so we have our high flier. Three Raw guys so far. Fourth is Swagger to a nice reaction. He debuts the Angle look here and those pushups…don’t appear here.

That sucks because they rock. Shelton is 5th and he belong here. Matt gets a nice pop. Ziggler is in next and I legit forgot he both existed and was in this match. McIntyre, one of the other favorites, has the majority of his entrance cut which sucks. He’s IC Champion here in case you forgot. Kane….you need a better push. Yes I know that’s one of the biggest debates here. Get over it. He has a big black eye which might be from Shawn on Monday.

Christian gets a decent pop as the odds on favorite. There are a ton of ladders and there we go. Drew goes for it maybe 30 seconds in so of course it doesn’t work. In a cool sequence, everyone goes up but everyone else pulls them down. Bourne touches the case and FTS wants to cry. Swagger is in front of the turnbuckle, Matt is in front of him, a ladder is in front of them, Kofi is thrown into the ladder.

That…wouldn’t hurt as much as it would seem to. Ziggler almost gets there but we remember he’s Dolph Ziggler so we know it’s not ending yet. Kane powerbombs Kofi onto a ladder. Freaking OW. I’m not sure if I like the ten men or not. On one hand, it keeps things from being all boring and whatnot as you have someone getting hurt and then others coming back and then repeat. On the other hand, yeah right. Striker says some people think Swagger can carry the WWE. HA!

In a cool spot (shocking I know) there’s a ladder in the ring and Swagger is under it. Matt and Christian have a ladder each and ram it through the rungs to spear Swagger with it. I like that. Bourne and Christian fight on the ladder that’s bridged between the rope and the ladder in the middle like a scaffold. Bourne knocks Christian down and like an IDIOT hits a shooting star press onto Christian. Yeah he deserves to get beaten here.

Matt takes a front flip onto the scaffold ladder. Yeah he’s broken SMACK DAB IN HALF! Sorry the Oklahoma guy got me there for a minute. Naturally this is a spotfest, but what did you really expect? Kane gets a BIG pop when he makes a save. He throws a ladder at Ziggler which is freaking cool looking. Dolph gets put between a ladder and gets worn out with it. Yep it’s broken. Trouble in Paradise puts Kane down.

In a BRILLIANT spot, Kofi takes the two pieces of the ladder and walks from the corner to the middle using them as stilts. That’s AWESOME. That is why these matches stay awesome: making new spots like that. Drew makes the save but Matt stops him. I would have bet on that being the ending. Matt stays up there FOREVER but can’t get the thing off. That’s just idiotic but whatever. Seriously, he has like 5 chances to get it and doesn’t do it.

Matt: YOU ARE AN IDIOT! Christian takes him down with the reverse DDT so Cole says it was a Twist of Fate. Yeah, the hint would be that Christian is ok. Swagger is back now and it’s him vs. Christian.

Swagger puts Christian down…and fiddles with the case…and fiddles with it…and writes the great American novel…and WINS THE THING. THAT is your Mania shocker right there. No one, and I mean NO ONE saw this one coming. Match felt short, which you’ll hear a lot more tonight. Had to pause there. Norcal’s explosion is still giving us tremors.

Rating: B. This would start at a B in case you were wondering. These matches are ones that you can’t grade like a normal match based on the amount of people and the gimmick involved in them. While not as good as some of the others, the idea is cool.

Naturally WWE is going to have a PPV about it instead of letting it be a Mania exclusive but that’s their idiocy for you. Swagger winning is a legit shock though so I can complain about that one at all. Solid stuff though but I could have gone for more people in the ring at once and more spots.

Ad for Extreme Rules.

Hall of Fame time, and for once the class is AWESOME. When Mad Dog Vachon is the worst wrestler and smallest star, that’s saying A LOT. Gorgeous George’s wife is awesome. I want to see Uecker’s speech. That could be hilarious. Ted DiBiase is the best heel of all time. End of argument. Yes that includes Hogan and Flair. That laugh is just amazing.

FINK!!! He brings out the Class of 2010. The entire Hart Family represents Stu. I want to punch Bruce in the face.

We recap HHH vs. Sheamus. This was almost the world title match but they woke up and realized it should be a regular match which I can more than live with. Apparently Sheamus is jealous of HHH. That makes sense. I’d be jealous of his wife if nothing else. HHH eliminated him at Elimination Chamber to really set this up. We get Ultimate Warrior clips. That’s saying a lot.

Sheamus vs. HHH

The view from the top of the stadium with the tiny ring in there is awesome looking. They say no one has had a first year in WWE like Sheamis has. That’s true. When Lesnar did three times what Sheamus did in one year, it was WWF still. HHH gets a nice pop but it doesn’t hold up that long. Ok I’m wrong on that one. HHH has made Wrestlemania? Not sure on that one. HHH looks a tad chubby here. Maybe that’s just me. Ok the entrance is still cool.

He looks like a huge star and he’s supposed to. Talk about a contrast of skin tones here. HHH goes for a Pedigree about a minute in. That’s credited to Mania experience. Uh, why? Isn’t that called going for a finisher early? I’d want to do that in any match. Since HHH got big in the Attitude Era, we hit the floor. The figure four goes on and Flair is reference. Does that make AJ and HHH some kind of brothers? Ok, we get it: HHH is a veteran.

Oh and he’s the Ace of Spades now. What the heck does that even mean? Sheamus likes to yell when he kicks people. It’s rather annoying. Stop it. DO YOU HEAR ME YOU MILKY SKINNED IMBECILE??? Hey that actually worked. He channels his inner British Bulldog and hits a running powerslam. Nothing wrong with that. HHH breaks the momentum with a DDT. That might not work due to that hair though.

Striker: Tie your mother down, here comes HHH. So Striker has random shouts of incestuous bondage. Right. We get a nice finisher reversal sequence that ends with Sheamus hitting the bicycle kick. He gets another after HHH kicks out but both guys are down. Isn’t that a witch? HHH falls on his face and Striker says it’s experience. Lawler has some sense and says it might have been dumb luck. Thank you Lawler. And there’s a Pedigree from nowhere for the pin. Ok then.

Rating: B-. This was pretty solid I thought. It came off like a main event level match and that’s what it was supposed to do. Also, there was a big thing here about how Sheamus should have won. Ok, that’s just stupid. HHH is a bigger star and at the big shows, the bigger stars are supposed to win.

This guy debuted a year ago and he’s wrestling a 12 time world champion at Mania. What more do you want? It’s his best match ever by about a mile also, so this worked out fine. Good match, but not a classic like Lawler claims it is.

Slim Jim Ad. OH YEAH!

We recap Rey vs. Punk. This was a cool buildup I thought but it could have been a bit more. Rey sang Happy Birthday to his daughter and Punk interrupted him. Rey cost Punk his spot in MITB. Rey’s son Dominic is taller than he is. That’s the same kid from 05 in the Eddie feud. That’s just amusing.

Rey Mysterio vs. C.M. Punk

Oh sweet Punk has a mic. Punk needs to actually win a match once in awhile to make this gimmick work perfectly though. These promos get better every single time. Rey is dressed like a character from Avatar tonight. Oh just take me now. It can’t get stupider than this. It just can’t. Yep, Rey looks like a moron dressed like that. He truly does. Gallows interferes early and it’s Punk in control. Straightedge prevails again!

Punk’s tights make me think of GI Joe for some reason. Aren’t the Na’vi really tall? See, the costume makes no sense. Punk gets a SICK kick to the side of Rey’s stupid looking head. We get a CM Punk (sucks) chant going and Rey kind of botches a backflip off the top rope into a DDT. It was close though. And Rey manages to tick me off again by doing the Eddie dance before throwing out a Frog Splash. HE IS DEAD. LET IT GO. I freaking hate the 619.

After some botched heel interference, the springboard splash ends this, saving him from joining the Straightedge Society and gaining him…nothing at all. Ok then. Not agreeing with the ending here, but it could be ok I guess. Oh and Cole says you never mess with another man’s family. I don’t see why not. Eddie did it and he gets a dozen tributes a year.

Rating: B-. Pretty good stuff here I thought. These two have decent chemistry together, but like I said I would have preferred Punk to win for a few reasons. If nothing else this could continue though so that’s a perk. Pretty solid stuff here overall.

We recap Bret vs. Vince. No way am I recapping this. If you don’t know this story by now, why are you here? The image of Vince in Bret’s sunglasses is cool.

Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon

Man that is weird to type. Bret is in street clothes here. That’s the right thing to go with I think, as if nothing else he’s likely not in the shape he was before so why embarrass yourself? Are you listening Flair? Vince comes out and says that he has insurance for this match and it’s going to be a lumberjack match. And of course they’re the Hart Family. Bruce is a douche, period.

When they came out, it couldn’t have been much more obvious what was coming. Oh great Bruce is the referee. And of course the Harts turn on Vince before the match starts. Bret’s first punch gets a pop. Bruce, ever the douche, counts when Vince is on the floor in a match with no countouts. Vince is on the floor and the whole family beats him up including a Hart Attack from the top via the Hart Dynasty. Vince hasn’t landed a single shot.

He does however find a tire iron under the ring. Bret gets about 10 shots in with the tire iron over a few minutes. He goes for the legs and the fans go nuts. Nope not yet. Nice tease there though. He sets for it again but it’s a low blow instead. Good to see some old Bret stuff in there. David slides in a chair…which Bret sits down in. Ok this is a bit awkward. Also it’s amusing that Lawler is behind Bret here when he used to HATE Bret.

SWEET chair shot from Bret. He goes OFF on him with it for a total of TWENTY chairshots, breaking Austin’s record of shots to Rock at X7. And then he puts on the Sharpshooter and kills the Montreal Screwjob forever. Vince literally did not hit anything, not even a punch.

Rating: A+. Now before X jumps down my throat for this, you have to consider what this was about. This wasn’t about a competitive match or storytelling or anything like that. This was about Bret getting revenge on Vince. Vince never should have gotten anything in here and literally he didn’t.

Bret completely destroyed him for ten minutes and then the match ended with Vince giving up to the Sharpshooter. That is all you could have wanted out of this and the most infamous moment in wrestling history can be laid to rest. That alone makes this perfect.

Now can we make Bruce Hart fall into a hole?

Mania 27 will be in Atlanta.

The attendance is announced. That’s always cool. Of course we launch fireworks that few in the arena can see. Ok then.

We recap Edge vs. Jericho, which is a simple revenge story. This year they kept things simple and it worked very well. Jericho was showing some emotion here and it worked very well. Oh and spear, spear, SPEAR!

Smackdown World Title: Chris Jericho vs. Edge

This should be good from an in ring perspective if nothing else. Edge looks to have lost a bit of weight. They start by feeling each other out as you would expect I would assume. It is a bit odd that they try to make their tag title reign sound important when they were together what, maybe a month? Jericho and Edge trained together? I don’t remember that. Jericho is controlling which is what you would expect. Oddly there was no control period by Edge. That’s most odd.

Hey, did you know Jericho beat Austin and Rock in the same night? Edge hits a nice running clothesline from the apron to the floor. It’s the simple moves that work the best sometimes. Edge hits a sunset flip from the middle rope. Ok then. Codebreaker is blocked. Pretty good match so far. Edge, complete with the great looking eyes, goes for a spear but in a SWANK counter, Jericho jumps over and more or less gets a schoolboy into the Walls.

Since Edge is a face though he doesn’t tap. Has that ever beaten a prominent face? The Edgecution hits but of course it’s not called that anymore because the announcers suck. They point out that Jericho never gets hurt. That’s very true actually. Jericho goes for a spear but winds up hitting the Codebreaker for two. Jericho goes for the ankle which makes sense. As someone with very bad ankle problems, it really is smart to go after them if you’re fighting someone.

Walls go on again but Jericho switches to a half crab. Well he did train with Lance Storm. The crowd is having fun with this. He gets to the ropes in case you were wondering. Jericho goes for the belt but that doesn’t work. Ok never mind it does since the referee goes down. A really bad Codebreaker gets the clean pin.

I would not have seen that one coming at all. Post match, Edge gets him on one of the tables and after a running start, spears the living tar out of Jericho into a barrier which clearly will be an injury spot.

Rating: A-. That’s likely too high but I really liked this match. It was entertaining the whole time through but it needed a few more minutes. I really like the surprise ending where Edge loses when he was more or less seen as a lock. That’s risky booking but here I think it came off very well. Very good match and definitely the best of the night so far.

We talk about the battle royal before Mania which Tatsu won. Good for him.

Face Divas vs. Heel Divas

Seriously do the rosters matter here? It’s 5 on 5. That’s all you need to know. Vickie is one of the heels so of course she’ll be the focus of the whole match. Beth looks great in white. That is all. So everyone beats up Vickie until Michelle makes a save. They alternate back and forth with everyone coming in and hitting someone with a finisher until we’re left with Beth and Vickie. Michelle puts Beth down and Vickie hits a “Hog Splash” on Kelly for the win. She managed to botch a cover. That’s hard to do. This was like 3 minutes long.

Rating: F. Seriously, what the heck was this? Eddie, I never thought you were anywhere near what people made you out to be, but you deserve better than this.

Time for Cena vs. Batista. I know you know the story so I’ll spare you the details. The crowd exploded for the graphic coming onscreen.

WWE Championship: John Cena vs. Batista

Love them or hate them, this is THE money match right here. Period and end of story. There is no other combination that is a selling point like this is right here. This is what Mania is supposed to be about: the biggest stars in the world squaring off for the world championship. I’ve loved the buildup for this and it was what I was looking forward to more than anything. Oh and Cena’s thing this year is a group of Air Force drill people spinning rifles until Cena runs through them.

Far better than last year if nothing else. We start with the feeling out period as the announcers argue over who is stronger. That’s an interesting argument actually. The idea is Cena’s neck injury from about a year and a half ago is still bothering him. Sure why not? Batista counters the FU into a DDT that was PAINFUL looking. Apparently if your opponent’s arms and legs go limp, he’s in trouble. Ladies and gentlemen, the insights of Matt Striker!

If your opponent is losing the ability to support their own weight, THEY COULD BE IN TROUBLE! And the fans have already turned on Cena with the Boo/Yay thing. And then there’s a very face pop for the Five Knuckle Shuffle which is countered into a spinebuster. You would think there would be a shift to booing there but not really. STFU is hooked and we’ve cranked it into a higher gear. In a cool spot, we hit a test of strength on the top rope. That’s new if nothing else.

Five Knuckle Shuffle from the top as he channels his inner Jannetty. Yes, a Marty Jannetty move landed in a Mania main event. Batista Bomb gets two and a mouth from Batista that could swallow Molly Holly alive. Jannetty and Molly Holly got mentioned in this match. Wow. Cena gets a SWEET counter into the FU out of a reversed Batista Bomb. He rolled from slipping over the shoulders to what looked like a tombstone to the FU.

Amazing and he threw Batista about a mile but it only got two. In almost the same spot that his neck got hurt in, Batista catches Cena in a spinebuster from the top. ANOTHER Batista Bomb is countered into the STFU for the tap. It looked like a weak version but the shot of Batista’s leg made up for it. Cena being named a 9 time champion just makes it seem a bit weak though as it always does.

Post match, Cena celebrates with the crowd and we see a guy saying Cena sucks and Cena acknowledges him. That right there is something I freaking LOVE about Cena. Guys like Hogan got a mixed reaction like that and acted like they were still the most over thing ever. I’ve always hated that as it’s just idiotic.

It’s like when WCW said there isn’t a seat to be found as we scan over the crowd seeing all the tarped off areas and empty seats. Cena talks about the booing. It makes him seem more down to Earth which I like for a change.

Rating: A. Sweet match here as these two continue to be the Austin/Rock of their generation. Like I said this is the money match of this generation. The chemistry here is undeniable as Cena is one of the few guys that brings out the best in Batista. This is what a Wrestlemania main event match should be about and it delivered in a big way.

Another Extreme Rules ad.

And now, it is time. This had to be the last match, period. Flair vs. Shawn should have been as well but that’s another story. I’m again not bothering to explain this one as it’s Career vs. Streak. End of explanation. They call it the most anticipated match in Mania history. Not sure on that one.

The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Well here we go. This is one of two matches this show was sold on so you know it’s going to be good considering who’s in it. This many years after he debuted, Taker’s entrance is still awesome. Taker is rocking something that makes him look a bit like a boxer which works. We hit the staredown and Shawn does Taker’s throat slit. Keep that in mind. Taker dominates early, hitting Snake Eyes and Old School in the first minute or so.

He tweeks his knee on Old School though and Shawn goes for it. Old guys know psychology. Shawn goes for the arm which makes sense as it takes away the Tombstone and Last Ride. Oh and remember there are no count outs or DQs. Both finishers miss and the crowd is liking this a lot. And now back to the knee. The arm work was brief so that’s fine. Taker teases the rope dive but Shawn slides in and takes out the knee again. Good after what happened with that move last year.

Shawn busts out a figure four and much like Flair, PUTS IT ON THE WRONG LEG. The straight leg gets hurt. How hard is that to get? Nip Up is caught in a chokeslam. I like how he just launches him with those at times. An ankle lock is on as Shawn is fine maybe 8 seconds later. He gets the heel hook out of it and Taker is in trouble. He gets out though because Shawn isn’t an American hero. Shawn gets tombstoned on the floor. Ok then.

Shawn is dead apparently. Someone comes out to check on him and of course the match keeps going. Striker, CALM DOWN! The Last Ride hits but Shawn kind of counters into an X Factor so the impact is lessened. I can forgive him for being up quickly for that. Shawn gets out of Hell’s Gate with a nifty counter where he jumps over into a rollup. That was ni…SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Of course it gets two but that came from nowhere. The camera missed most of it.

I love stuff like that as it makes things feel more shocking. Taker blocks another kick and hits the biggest Last Ride ever for two. Shawn was at least 11 feet in the air. Awesome looking. Taker looks furious.

And now, we go to the floor. This might not end well. Why do they take such care of the monitors? I’ve never gotten that. And I mean in kayfabe before you freak out on me. Taker goes for a Last Ride through the table but Shawn counters and hits Sweet Chin Music to put Taker on it. He slowly climbs up to the top rope and launches a picture perfect moonsault.

Now if only he had hit Taker’s chest and not his leg. I legit thought his leg was seriously hurt for a bit until he got up on it a bit later. Back in the ring Shawn hits the THIRD superkick and IT gets two. This isn’t quite last year’s match but it’s VERY close. Another kick is blocked into a chokeslam but his knee is out. Tombstone also gets two and the crowd is losing it over these twos. Taker is LIVID. There go the straps. Shawn hasn’t moved yet.

Taker starts the throat slit but can’t finish it. Just like he did for Jeff Hardy, he can’t bring himself to hurt him anymore. After he shouts at Shawn to stay down, Shawn does his own throat slit, admitting he just can’t do it. He then does the unthinkable and slaps Taker. This was four days ago and 3000 miles from me and the look on Taker’s face scared the heck out of me. Taker is livid and picks up Michaels for a JUMPING TOMBSTONE.

Shawn is of course legally dead now and the career ends. No music plays at first, which is a very nice touch. The crowd isn’t sure what to do. I collapsed when he got the pin on my first viewing and it’s still a tiring match to watch. Taker staggers up and does his pose as 18-0 flashes up on the screen.

That, to say the least, is mind blowing. More on that later. Taker gets him to his feet and they shake hands like they should do. It’s Shawn’s moment as Mr. Wrestlemania gets a standing ovation. He walks up the ramp, and Jerry Lawler puts is perfectly: Shawn, it’s over. Good-bye. Thank you.

Rating: A+. It’s not as good as last year’s was, but this was an epic match to say the least. We knew who was going to win, but that’s ok here to me. The ending was perfect as Shawn gave up and was defiant until the end. If someone is going to end it, Taker is a fine choice and the angle was perfect.

It’s a very emotional match, but that takes nothing away from the quality of it. The best word I can think of for this is satisfying. Everything you could want is in here and it’s a fitting end to the show. Shawn, I was never a big fan of your’s, but your career was remarkable to put it as low as I can. I’ll miss you.

Overall Rating: A. GREAT Mania. Nothing at all feels slow on here at all. Even the Divas match is at least fast paced and at three and a half minutes with hot women, how much can you really complain? This had it all as there is history, title changes, surprised, tons of emotion and a perfect card. Shocky made a comment that it’s in the top three Manias ever and he might be on to something actually.

It’s behind 17 for me and off the top of my head that’s it from a quality standpoint but I haven’t thought about it much. This was a great show though with the big matches all being great and the others being very good as well. Nothing was truly bad other than the Divas match which is totally overlookable. Great Mania and ABSOLUTELY worth seeing. I loved it.

And now for three bonus sections. Of course I’m going to do more for a Mania review. It’s the biggest show of the year and I started my reviews with Mania.

To begin with, this Mania set up the upcoming year rather well. As always, Mania marks both the beginning and the end of the year. Cena is back on top which is fine as he should be there. Jericho was a shocker to retain for me and maybe they’re showing confidence in him.

Swagger, Sheamus, Punk, Christian, Kofi and others are ready to take this company over while the current generation of stars in Cena, Batsita, Orton and HHH can more than hold down the fort and bring those guys up. That’s how you have a good company: a well rounded new generation that is ready to take over. I have high hopes for the company as the roster is clicking and the stories have been great thanks to them slowing things down and going with basic angles.

The older generation is dying away as Montreal is finally laid to rest and Shawn is retired now. That’s how things should be as guys from 8 years ago like Cena and Orton are the top guys now and they have been groomed for these spots. I have high hopes for this company as this is the best its looked in many a year.

Item number two is the Streak. This my friends, is the most amazing achievement in wrestling history. “But KB, all it means is he’s been booked strong at one point a year.” Yeah that’s nonsense. To begin with, the Streak didn’t mean anything until 2001. I don’t think it was even mentioned until around that time. Second, think of this. Shawn Michaels is called Mr. Wrestlemania. He’s wrestled at that show 17 times.

Mr. Wrestlemania has not competed at Wrestlemania as many times as Taker has won there. Let that sink in for a moment. The Streak is an angle in and of itself. What was the argument between Shawn and Taker over both times? Nothing other than beating Taker at Wrestlemania.

There is no equivalent to it in all of wrestling and there never will be. To even be around for 18 years is an accomplishment. The thing is just amazing and hopefully it will never die. It’s my favorite part of the show and it never fails to deliver.

And now we move to the white elephant in the room. Shawn Michaels, arguably the best performer ever, has retired. Like I said I was never the biggest Shawn fan, but to deny his talent or the impact he had on wrestling would be ridiculously unfair to him and his legacy. He changed the way a lot of wrestlers perform and there are many reasons why, all of which you can see by watching him.

He stole the show so many times and retired as better than probably 95% of the wrestlers in the world. He went out on top on his own terms which is all you can want. He was one of the best ever and maybe the best ever, but that’s an argument for another time. I’m sad to see him go, but glad that he went out like this. In his speech the next night on Raw he more or less said he wasn’t going to TNA which is great as he would likely wind up jobbing to people beneath him.

Also, if he ever wants to, Vince would welcome him back with open arms. His exit was classy and perfectly done and to me it would be a shame if he came back, but I could live with it. It’s sad to see him go, but nice at the same time as he can go in peace. Have a good retirement Shawn. You’ve earned it.

Wrestlemania 25
Date: April, 5 2009
Location: Reliant Stadium, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 72,744
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
America The Beautiful: Some Pussycat Doll

Please keep in mind that this show was partially written live so excuse some of the in the moment emotional reactions.

Since this show literally is happening tonight, I won’t bother with any kind of a recap. We start with your standard history package that somehow never gets old to me at all.

Money In The Bank: CM Punk vs. MVP vs. Kane vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin

Finlay is breaking out the old school Fit Finlay shoulder pads. I’m digging it. After ten minutes of entrances, we’re underway.  As usual I’m not even going to bother trying to keep track of everything that’s going on in this as it’s going to be all over the place like it always is.

Henry and Kane clear the ring almost immediately and the fans chant for Christian.  Christian and Shelton take care of them as it’s back and forth already.  Kofi may have hurt his knee on a big jump over the ladder and a dropkick.  Henry and Kane go up but can’t get anywhere as we’re three minutes in.  An army of midcarers takes care of Henry.

Four guys go up the ladder and the big guys take them down again.  Finlay clears the ring and dives out on Kane.  Christian takes out Kane and Finlay as this is kind of all of the place.  What a shock indeed.  Henry takes out all three of them to continue the tradition.  Punk and Kofi hit stereo suicide dives.  Shelton dives off the ladder and more or less lands on his head.

Shelton may have killed himself with that stupid flip. That scared the heck out of me. Also for those interested, I just found out that the tag titles was the preshow match with the Colons winning. It’s your general spotfest so far and that’s what it’s supposed to be. Crowd is fairly hot too.

Horny busts out a stepladder which gets him nowhere at all.  Naturally a jumping midget can take out six guys.  Finlay brings out the big ladder which is required viewing anymore.  Kofi takes a good shot and is down already.  He’s taking a big beating and it’s working pretty well.
Kofi is bumping like a crazy man in this match. I’m loving him so far as he’s the highlight of the show. Kane and Henry were dominant early on but here come the smaller people. Henry is back and is setting up a ladder.  While he holds it up, Kofi runs up the side of it but falls and is caught in the World’s Strongest Slam in a sweet spot.

MVP comes in to pound of Henry which gets him nowhere again.  MVP stops Shelton, Punk stops MVP, Christian stops Punk.  Punk and Christian do a cool spot on a ladder that’s balanced from one ladder to the top rope and even though the Unprettier was botched horribly, that’s hard to blame them for.

MVP almost makes it again but Shelton makes an incredible save.  He runs up a ladder leaning against the ring then across a ladder between the rope and a ladder in the ring and then up the other ladder that MVP is on to make the last second save.  That was incredible and as usual Shelton gets the spot of the match.

The botches in this match are killing it. These matches are really hard to call. Kane, Christian and Punk are fighting on the ladders and all but Punk fall, making him the first two time MITB winner!

Rating: C+. The problem here is the botches. There were a ton this year and the winner was kind of a letdown, and remember Punk is my favorite wrestler. It was a great opener, but not a great match if that makes sense. Too many people and really just a lot of one on ones for about twenty minutes. Not bad.

Axxess recap. Would be funner to be there to watch it.

Kid Rock performs. We don’t care as this is a food break for me. He’s on his third song and the reaction is priceless. There is absolute silence here as the fans simply could not care less. He does two old songs and his new one. My lord this is a waste of time. We don’t get the tag title match but we get this? Waste of time.

He is on his fourth song now. At least All Summer Long is a decent song, but do we need to hear this now? My goodness, he’s doing another one. The divas come out to dance with him. My headache is now at the grab a hatchet level, as this is at ten minutes now. After a big pyro display, it’s time for the battle royal. Holy goodness I’m bored.

25 Diva Battle Royal

Not even going to try to call this as we don’t even get the intros here. This is a freaking joke, thank you Kid Rock. No Trish or Lita means this isn’t a legit battle royal. We don’t even have a list or a face shot of all the divas. It’s a standard battle royal and I literally couldn’t be more bored. The commentators are sucking up to Kid Rock so much that I’m about to mute this. Literally people are being eliminated and it’s the first we hear of them. This is pathetic.

Santino is in drag as this is somehow even dumber every second. Never in my life have I seen a worse Mania match, period. Final there are Melina, Beth and Santino. I knew it. Freaking Santino wins. The commentators apparently don’t realize the massive tattoo on his chest. Has wrestling really fallen this far? The SFAC is going to be proud of this, and that is completely sickening to me.

Rating: N/A. This is the worst Mania match of all time. It was designed to get a stupid comedy guy on the show, we don’t know who was in it, they got no face time, and Kid Rock is the freaking cause of it. I am officially angry about this show. Such a waste of time. I’m not rating it because there isn’t a rating low enough for it.

Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat

Jericho has to beat all three to win. Massive recap as we’re somehow led to believe that Rourke won’t be at the show. Yeah right. Rourke actually is here. I’m surprised. They kind of get their own intros as their musics play but they stand on the ramp instead of going to the ring. Piper gets a decent pop. He looks decent too. Considering he had cancer less than two years ago, this is amazing. Flair accompanies them.

Piper is wearing a shirt which is likely a good thing. PIPER THROWS A DROPKICK!!!  Off to Snuka who does his usual offense that gets him nowhere at all.  And there’s the Liontamer to end him.  He looked awful out there.  Piper is mind blowing here. He looks as good as he did in WCW. Now is that a compliment or not?

As I type that, he’s eliminated via Codebreaker.  This is literally 5 minutes in and it’s 1 on 1.  I know this didn’t seem like it was five minutes but that’s how slowly these guys are moving.  The old guys are getting to throw out some basic offense but it’s just leading to them being eliminated.  Steamboat skins the cat in his 50s and of course we don’t see it. HE JUMPS OVER THE TOP ROPE! This is making up for everything.

Ross talks about how Jericho is staying with the Legends like it’s surprising.  Steamboat is tearing this up and I’m wanting to stop the review to look at him go.  This is incredible stuff considering no one expected a single thing out of him.  He gets the cross body for two as Jericho is reeling.  And then he walks into the Codebreaker to end it.  That was amazing while it lasted.

Steamboat had me freaking out. Flair runs in and gets beaten up too. Of course Rourke gets in the ring and they have an impromptu boxing match. Rourke knocks him down as this is somehow dumber than it was before.

Rating: C+. Considering their ages and level of rust, this was mind blowing. Jericho had to win though. Steamboat had me on the edge of my chair. How he’s not called one of the best ever is beyond me. We’re three matches in and Steamboat has carried this. That’s a very bad sign. Let me make sure I have this straight: four hall of famers can’t beat up Jericho, but a 56 year old guy that boxed almost 15 years ago can beat him up?

In something funny, when they said go into the storm, it thundered at my house.

We get the recap talking about how Matt more or less tried to kill Jeff about three times. Of course he doesn’t prosecute him. He wrestles him. You have to love WWE.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

I miss Matt’s old heel attire.  He looked like a legit monster.  Naturally they got rid of them and made him an overrated face again.  This has happened before but they made it big this time.  I don’t think people are interested in this but whatever.  Matt takes a shot with a WWE poster.  How EXTREME!  Matt takes Jeff down but Jeff gets up first.  Well of course he does.

Crowd is waking up a tad here which might be exactly what this show needs. Matt has a bit of a gut which surprises me.  Poetry in Motion with the assistance of a chair misses and here comes Matt.  He takes out Jeff’s knee and just cracks him with the chair for two.  Matt grabs a dry-vac from under the ring.  Why a dry vac is under there is beyond me but it’s WWE so I’ll just kind of go with it.

Side effect on a chair gets two.  Matt is dominating here as he bends Jeff’s back around the post.  It’s table time but there’s no D-Von around to get it.  What are we going to do???  They slug it out and neither guy goes through it.  This is intense but kind of dull at the same time if that makes sense.

Jeff gets a kendo stick to crack away at him and here come the required trashcans.  Slingshot dropkick into the can into Matt has him in big trouble.  Swanton misses and Jeff is in trouble.  Twist of Fate connect and only gets two.  Almost zero heat on the kickout either.  Matt goes for a Swanton which is blocked.  The people of Houston just avoided a huge earthquake.

Matt gets CRACKED over the head with a chair in a sick looking and sounding shot.  Jeff sets Matt on a table and then another table on top of that and splashes it and dang if he didn’t almost hit him!  Back in the ring it only gets two.  This needs to end like now.

The more successful one goes to the floor and pulls out some ladders.  Well of course he does.  Jeff misses a huge bump by setting up a huge ladder and then climbing up a regular one and jumping over the big one.  He crashes down in pain and I’m slightly entertained. Matt does a sick looking Twist of Fate on a chair to close this out.

Rating: C. This wasn’t terrible and the ending was perfect. Matt’s finisher, not Jeff’s mistake ended it. There was no way Jeff could win this and he didn’t. It wasn’t great, but it could have been far worse. Not terrible.  I just don’t think they had the intensity they wanted with this and it kind of showed through.

Legends of Mania commercial.

Orton is getting ready.

IC Title: JBL vs. Rey Mysterio

I miss the intros as I heat up my tacos. Mysterio looks like Doink the Clown. How does he manage to come up with a dumber outfit every Mania? Rey looks so ridiculous as apparently he’s the Joker. He’s also wearing bright green suspenders. Holy goodness it’s a 10 second match! WHAT ARE THEY DOING??? Rey hits the 619 and a splash and wins it?

Rating: N/A. This is officially the dumbest Mania of all time. There has to be like 40 minutes each for the last three matches.

JBL’s big announcement is that he quits, getting the pop of the night.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

If this match isn’t a 5 star classic, this is officially the worst Mania of all time, end of argument. Massive recap to start of course. The entrances are of course mind blowingly sweet with Taker coming up out of darkness and Shawn coming down from the ceiling in a white chariot like an angel.  Ok that was awesome.

This just feels epic on all levels which is how it’s supposed to feel.  And here we go.  The fans pop for the bell.  Think they’re excited?  Sign a few rows back: It’s still real to me!  OH YES!  Shawn scores a few points with some chops and then runs.  Taker blocks a punch and throws Shawn over the top but Shawn catches himself.

HBK fakes a knee injury.  Now that’s just brilliant.  You know he’s never done that for Wrestlemania before!  Basically an extended feeling out process here as neither guy can get an advantage going here.  Big back drop by Taker and Shawn is in some trouble.  Elbow gets one only.  Old School gets a big ovation and Shawn is in trouble.

And so much for that as Taker misses a kick in the corner and Shawn goes for the knee.  There go the dueling chants.  Sharpshooter is blocked so Shawn uses a reverse figure four and Taker is in little trouble because he’s not going to tap.  Taker’s solution to get out of this?  Punch Shawn in the face.  You can’t beat simplicity at times.

Taker unloads on him in the corner and gets the Snake Eyes and big boot combination.  Shawn gets a bad crossface out of nowhere which sees Taker laying on his side.  Taker stands up and gets a side slam to break up the hold.  Nicely done.  Shawn kicks him in the face and Taker glares at him.  Forearm puts Taker down and we get a nip up at the same time Taker sits up.

Shawn sets for the elbow from the top but Taker sits up and Shawn is in trouble again.  He counters that but walks into Hell’s Gate as he goes for the Figure Four again.  A rope is grabbed and we head the to floor.  Apron legdrop misses and Shawn avoids trouble.  Baseball slide puts Taker down again.  Moonsault to the floor misses though and Shawn is in big trouble again.

The momentum is changing every few seconds here and it’s great stuff.  Taker hits the ropes and OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!  Taker dove over the ropes but overrotated and slammed his freaking head into the floor!  He more or less killed a cameraman and there was a loud cracking sound.  Luckily the replay shows that it was just the camera hitting the ground which is a nice break I guess.

Wow that was insane looking though.  I was legitimately thinking they were going to have to stop it there.  That was as scary as any bump I’ve ever seen.  SOMEHOW, and I mean that literally, Taker isn’t dead.  Shawn does a semi-heel turn and tries to get the count out win.  To be fair though that might be better for Taker’s health at this point.

Taker BARELY makes it back in at nine and a half.  I was actually thinking it was over there.  There are those dueling chants again.  Superkick is caught by a BIG old chokeslam for two as the crowd explodes.  Tombstone, superkick, chokeslam.  All of those were countered in a row but Shawn gets a BIG superkick for two.  Sweet goodness I’d have bet on that one.

Shawn’s ticked off face is great.  Taker grabs him by the throat and goes for the Last Ride but Shawn gets a sunset flip.  Taker grabs him again and is like boy you’re getting drilled and hits a HUGE Last Ride for TWO.  Wow these kickouts are incredible.  Taker goes up and misses an elbow as both guys are down again.

Shawn is sent over the top but Skins the Cat.  Taker catches him AGAIN in the Tombstone and Shawn is DEAD.  Apparently DEAD doesn’t mean three though as Shawn kicks out AGAIN.  This is incredible.  Taker’s face is like NO FREAKING WAY.  Shawn counters another Tombstone attempt with a spinning DDT of all things.

Michaels somehow gets up to the top rope and hits the big elbow but both guys are down again.  Sweet Chin Music out of NOWHERE gets two.  Well of course it did.  With nothing else left from either guy they slug it out from their knees.  Shawn chops away but Taker kicks him in the face to put him down.

Tombstone is countered AGAIN and Shawn gets a boot into the jaw of Taker in the corner to buy himself some time.  Shawn goes up for a moonsault press but Taker somehow catches him and Tombstones him to death to FINALLY end this.  In-freaking-credible.  Absolutely amazing stuff and it WINS.
Rating: A+. Wrestlemania has been saved. Future edit: no it hasn’t.  Go watch this match right now as it’s the best match I have ever seen.

Draft is coming in 8 days. I’m shaking after watching that. Never before have I been on the edge of my seat for a match.

World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Standard recap leading to Edge and Show coming out first. Cena’s old rap song comes on and an army of John Cenas come out. There must be 80 or so of them. They all do You Can’t See Me and then Cena’s music hits. Pretty cool visual. We get the big match indroduction which I always love. Cena gets a decent pop with boos mixed in.

Edge is champion coming in here.  We head into the triple threat formula almost immediately with various people being knocked out for awhile each.  That’s fine but it gets rather repetitive.  About five minutes pass with nothing but various one on one combinations.  That’s not terribly interesting but it’s what we’ve come to expect in these things.

Cena hits his top rope Fameasser off the top rope and down goes Show.  Off to Edge vs. Cena as I doubt Show will be in there for awhile.  Edgecution gets two.  More weak stuff here as Show is in faster than I expected him to be here.  Chavo of all people runs out to save Show and takes an FU for his troubles.

Show gets tied up in the ropes and loudly shouts GET ME OUT OF HERE!  Cena goes off on Edge as the fans aren’t really liking him.  Five Knuckle Shuffle to Edge.  Vickie gets up to save Edge but winds up getting speared onto Chavo.  Both guys go down and Show is still stuck.  Ah there he’s out.

Show goes off on them and manages to chokeslam Edge.  FU attempt on Show but he gets out and drills Cena with the punch.  Loud THANK YOU BIG SHOW chant from that.  Edge gets a running spear through Show through the barricade.  Back in the ring Cena counters the spear into the STFU.

Finally Show comes in for the save as this is actually pretty good.  Back to Show vs. Edge for awhile as JR runs through Show’s measurements again.  Show misses a Vader Bomb and here comes Cena again.  The two non-monsters suplex Show in an always cool looking spot.

Everyone trades some more finishers and Edge gets a spear for two on Cena.  Here’s your HOLY FREAKING CRAP spot of the match as Edge jumps on Show’s back with a sleeper so Cena is like screw it and picks up BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE IN THE FU!  Edge falls off and Show takes the FU.  Cena hits one on Edge onto Show for the pin and the title.  Freaking sweetness.

Rating: B-. This was better than people gave it credit for. This wasn’t supposed to be the great and mighty be all end all title match and it wasn’t. It was a way to get the title onto Cena and make him look strong. It wasn’t bad and it accomplished its purpose. I liked it, but man this would have been better if it was three matches earlier.

WM 26 is in Phoenix.

HOF Ceremony. Austin drives his ATV around and has a mini beer bash to kill time. I have no problem with this at all. It was needed to give the fans a breather and it’s not like Austin doesn’t deserve it.

Attendance is announced, but not called a record as we kill off even more time.

Massive recap video beforehand which kills the time so dead it’s scary.  They’ve hated each other since Evolution, Orton is nuts and kissed Stephanie, HHH snapped, Orton faked being insane, HHH can’t disqualified or he loses the title.
WWE Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

In the back, HHH passes both McMahons. Orton’s entrance literally goes on nearly two and a half minutes. There’s no special ordeal or anything. He’s just walking really, really slowly. HHH’s intro is long but not as long. We get BMI. Orton gets an RKO inside of two minutes but goes for the Punt and misses. HHH is up in about a minute and hits the Pedigree. What in the world is going on here?

And remember, HHH can’t get disqualified in a match based on hate.  This is going so slow that it’s painful.  They’re moving like molasses out there for crying out loud (as I quote my inner Hayden Panitierre from Remember the Titans).  HHH has a bad shoulder now.  Orton takes over for a good while as he works on the arm.

I like the pace of this match as it’s very slow but more violent. That’s what this is supposed to be. You’re supposed to have a guy that’s completely insane and a guy that’s desperate to defend his wife’s honor. Would you expect guys to be using Greco-Roman style here?

I like the brawling stuff. Wait for it…wait for it…YES! We get an Orton chinlock! All is right with the world! This is a more physical style and while it’s not great, it’s also not awful. This match isn’t really building to anything though.  Ok I’m thinking I’m changing my mind on the pacing thing.  This needs to be FAR more brutal given the story backing it up.  It’s similar to Kane/Undertaker at Mania 14 where they were supposed to be in a war and just weren’t at all.

Orton takes him down with the backbreaker for two.  I love that dropkick that Orton has.  HHH FINALLY sends Orton to the floor to break the very long stretch of momentum he’s had.  On the floor HHH keeps teasing various weapons shots but won’t do them because of the title thing.  He sets for the Pedigree but Orton backdrops him through the announce table.

Elevated DDT hits on the floor and HHH is more or less done.  He beats the count of course and Orton mixes up his offense with various types of stomps.  Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.

Rating: F+. The ending was just a total letdown. Forget a good pace. This was a complete waste of time and had nothing good to offer at all. The ending is HHH’s revenge for his recent losses. Terrible way to close it out, absolutely terrible. Never in my life have I seen someone with a bigger ego. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever here for HHH to go over. Not a single one.

Orton was pushed to the moon recently and he gets nothing for it? Likely he’ll get the belt at Backlash or something, but this was a waste. Any credibility he has is killed. That was awful and I don’t want to see even the letter that comes after G for a long, long time. Horrible.

It’s the same issue that many recent Mania main events have had: it’s not a bad match, but there’s nothing mind blowing. It’s like they’re in safe mode or something. Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.
Overall Rating: D. This show had one good match in it. That’s all. You have a decent opener so that was ok. Then the Women’s match was absolutely a disgrace. Never in my life have I seen a dumber thing. Seriously, we get a ten minute concert of all things and then you don’t even see the older divas, in a match for NOSTALGIA get introduced? My goodness that’s a joke. Plain and simple, that was pathetic.

That was to get a weak comedy act in when it could have been something very cool. Austin could come out at the end but not come out to beat up Jericho? That would have saved that whole thing. Hardys match was just ok. Not great but could have been worse by far. IC Title was to get to JBL quitting so I don’t even call that a match. Then we have the one match: Taker and HBK was an absolute classic, hands down.

Maybe not the best ever as Steamboat and Savage was almost too incredible to ever be passed, but this was by far the best match in many years. After that, the three way was ok and the main event was just a waste.

Overall, watch Taker and HBK and if you’re out of other good matches to watch, check out MITB and the Triple Threat. Other than that, avoid this show. Is it the worst Mania of all time? It’s not due to HBK/Taker, but that’s literally the only thing keeping it ahead of 2 and 9. Terrible show.

Wrestlemania 24
Date: March 30, 2008
Location: Citrus Bowl, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 74,365
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Taz
America The Beautiful: John Legend

Since this Mania is just over a year old, I’m going to assume that most of you already know the main ideas behind it. Your truly big match here was Ric Flair in what was known would be his last match vs. Shawn Michaels. Without a doubt to me, this should have closed the show. World Titles aside, neither match is going to be as emotional as this. Flair was offered the chance to close the show and said absolutely not which I can admire.

Your other big feuds coming into this were Orton vs. HHH vs. Cena and Edge vs. Undertaker. There was also a match between boxer Floyd “Money” Mayweather and Big Show which still boggles my mind to this day. I’ve heard some great and some bad reviews for this, so I guess we’ll have to see how well it holds up a year later.

We get a recap kind of telling us how the entire year has gone which is kind of a cool thing that would help a lot if it was a permanent thing. The open stadium concept is truly awesome and looks great. They have kind of a dome over the ring to keep the rain out which is also smart of them. After America The Beautiful, it’s time for our first match.

JBL vs. Finlay

This is a Belfast Brawl, meaning no DQ I suppose. This match/feud stems from the most absurd storyline I can ever recall as Vince had his illegitimate son Hornswoggle face him in a cage match. Vince beat him up with a belt as Finlay came in for the save. JBL then cuffed Finlay to the cage and beat up Horny.

I remember this buildup being quite good but looking back at it now, I can’t believe I actually thought this was good. Seriously, they’re fighting over a freaking midget. Then we get the DRAMATIC reveal that Horny was Finlay’s song all along. REALLY??? The tiny leprechaun that hangs out with the Irishman who is the only person on the planet that cares about him is his father? I’m stunned.

They start on the floor and the bell hasn’t actually rung yet.  Ok so it’s one of those kind of fights.  JBL gets a big shot with a trashcan and Finlay is in trouble early on.  JBL had lost a ton of weight and actually looked fairly lean by this point.  After he takes forever to get some stairs into the ring his Piledriver on them fails though and here comes the older dude.

Nothing all that special here as it’s back and forth but intense for the most part.  Well as intense as this match could be that is.  Both guys control for awhile and then get hit by something to break the momentum.  Is it bad that seeing Horny all scared and nervous makes me laugh and smile?

Finlay busts out a table as JR tries to make this seem all serious and such.  It’s set up in the corner as I’m getting into this far more than I should.  DOWN GOES THE MIDGET!  Finlay goes the heck off on him with trashcan lids and JBL is more or less done on the floor.  A suicide dive eats lid though and Finlay is in trouble all over again.

More going off follows as the crowd is into this.  I’m not sure why but this is actually working pretty freaking well.  It’s not a great match or anything but it’s very fun.  JBL finally goes through the table for a LONG two.  Finlay comes at him with stairs but JBL gets a kendo stick shot into the knee.  The Clothesline From JBL ends it though.  Fun match.

Rating: C+. If there has ever been a match where the term “fine for what it was” is appropriate, this is it. This match was designed to get the crowd going a bit and not be anything serious and that’s exactly what they went out and did. Nothing bad here at all but nothing to go out of your way to see. Run of the mill hardcore match but rather fun, and that’s all fine and good.

Kennedy says he’s going to repeat as MITB.  Kim Kardashian did the interviews at this show so at least we have something nice to look at.

Money in the Bank: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. MVP vs. Mr. Kennedy

 

You know the drill by now I’m sure.  It’s weird to see Morrison as a heel.  Morrison is a tag champion, MVP is US Champion and Jericho is IC Champion here.  Nice to see the titles being treated so well here.  I wouldn’t expect to see much in the area of play by play here as it’s way too much to call move for move.

Everyone not named MVP runs out to grab a ladder so he steals Kennedy’s when it comes into the ring.  He and Jericho have a joust with them with the Canadian winning.  Morrison grabs a ladder and puts it perpendicular to himself.  He then climbs to the top and moonsaults while still holding the ladder to take out just about everyone!  Sweet looking stuff!

Kennedy and Jericho are left in the ring with Jericho launching Kennedy into a ladder.  Kennedy is like screw that and holds on before scurrying up.  Morrison rides a ladder from the corner onto the middle ladder to stop Kennedy in an awesome spot.  Kennedy sets for a suplex but Shelton jumps over Kennedy in a sunset powerbomb which pulls Morrison over too in a Tower of Doom spot.  This is all in less than four minutes mind you.

With everyone more or less dead Punk goes up but just kind of stops so Shelton can make the save.  GTS to Shelton and Punk goes up again.  Carlito makes the save as I forgot he was even in this at all.  There’s a ladder between the ring and the railing which makes me think nothing is going to go well for the ladder.

And I’m right as Shelton almost makes it up there but gets the whole ladder shoved over and flips onto the bridged ladder, breaking it in the middle.  Morrison almost makes it but gets caught in the Walls by Jericho in a spot he and Benoit did at the 01 Rumble.  Now Kennedy comes up so Punk has to springboard up.  Carlito enacts Puerto Rican Affirmative Action and gets up as well, giving us five guys on two ladders.

Naturally they all fall down and leave Jericho there but Carlito saves it.  Total spotfest so far.  Backstabber off the ladder to Jericho and everyone is dead until MVP gets his wits about him.  With no one in sight, Matt Freaking Hardy runs through the crowd and gets a Twist of Fate off the top to save the match.  MVP had hurt Matt a few months ago.

Morrison is under a ladder in the corner and Jericho wedges the top of another into the rungs of the one in the corner, kind of making a big V shape.  Morrison shoves the original one forward which allows him to be able to climb the ladder without having to have it open due to the wedge design.  This is awesome stuff.  Naturally Morrison gets crotched on the top but it’s still cool looking.

Jericho goes up again but Carlito spits apple at him instead.  Kennedy drills him and shoves him off but Punk drills Kennedy.  Jericho pops up again and hits the Codebreaker with a ladder to take out Punk.  Punk more or less no sells it though and climbs up to stop Jericho as everyone else is pretty much dead.  Punk knocks Jericho down into the Tree of Woe and grabs the case to win it.  Total war the whole way through.
Rating: B. It was a wild brawl, but we just got done with a wild brawl.  This was solid and the backflip ladder spot was sweet looking. Other than Matt returning though, there’s not much to hate. This was Jeff Hardy’s to win before he got wellnessed out of it. Another fun match and one of the best MITB matches ever as it was a total spotfest the whole way, which it’s supposed to be.

Hall of Fame Ceremony.  This is Flair’s class, but he’s in the back getting ready so his kids accept it. The only ones that truly belong in to me are Flair, Solie, and the Briscos.

HHH is ready.
Snoop Dog is here. He sends Festus after Santino in a dumb segment.

Batista vs. Umaga

This is the Brand Supremacy match that was thrown together because there was nothing for either of these guys.  I really wouldn’t expect this to be anything resembling good.  Power match to start us off as you would of course expect.  The GMs, Teddy and Regal, are here also.  Umaga gets a spinwheel kick to take down Batista and take over.

A big boot sends the Animal to the floor.  There’s the nerve hold as it’s all Umaga here.  Middle rope headbutt misses though and here comes the Animal again.  And so much for that as we hit the nerve hold again.  This is rivetingly bad if that wasn’t clear.  Samoan Drop mostly ends Batista so of course it only gets two.

Batista gets a quick comeback and so much for that as it’s over already.  Samoan Spike is blocked though and Umaga’s head eats post.  Spinebuster puts him down and the Batista Bomb ends it clean.  WOW.  That might be the least interesting match I have ever seen, which is saying a lot.
Rating: F+. These two had no chemistry together at all and it showed badly. This match was a waste as you had a multi-time world champion against a top mid carder. These brand supremacy things are rarely good and this was no exception. The other stupid part was Batista went to Raw a few weeks later.  Totally bad match and I have no idea what they were going for here, but it didn’t work at all.

Mayweather vs. Show is anything goes and you can win by knockout.

Mayweather and company are here.
ECW Title-Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero

Kane won a battle royal before the show started to get this shot. By the time I was done typing that previous sentence the match ends. Here’s your match: bell rings, Kane chokeslams Chavo, pinfall.

Rating: N/A. There’s no match here so I can’t rate it, but this was exactly what was needed. Kane absolutely dominated here and it made him look like a monster. Well done actually.

Painfully bad Mania promo for the show that is already on.
Raven Simone does something for Make-A-Wish. Can’t stand her but it’s a cool charity.
Note: the following was written BEFORE Flair signed in TNA and before he came back to WWE in 2009.

And here it is. This is the match that defines this Wrestlemania. Many people, including myself, feel that this should have been the final match of the night. We knew that Flair was going to lose, but it’s the pure symbolism of the match that’s important. Many people have this match because it’s “an old man that should have retired 10 years ago.”

To them I have one thing to say: get  over yourselves. Ric Flair was the man that drove the NWA and WCW through the roof in the 1980s. Without him, Sting, Luger and the Horsemen, and therefore DX, the NWO and the Monday Night Wars don’t happen.

Ric Flair means more to this business than all but a very few and if he wants to wrestle until he falls apart then so be it. When anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can last in the business at a high level for as long as he has, let me know. I’ll be at my wedding to Trish Stratus.

Some people like to talk about how Flair needed to hang it up. Maybe those people need to SHUT it up and let the man do what he wants. Vince didn’t let him go did he? I’m willing to go out on a short limb and say Vince has forgotten more about wrestling than any of us will ever know, so get off your high smarky horses.

As for the other participant in this match, Shawn Michaels may not have been the perfect choice here, but I don’t have a problem with it being him at all. So what if he and Flair are friends in real life? It’s Flair’s last match and if he wants to go out to Shawn, then blast it he should be able to go out to Shawn. Shawn puts on his best this time of year so why should this be any different?
Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

The intros for both guys are of course great.  You can tell the fans and the entire world knows that Flair is losing here but that’s fine here much like it can be at other times.  We exchange hammerlocks to start and no one can get an extended advantage.  They shove each other and Flair shouts OLD YELLER HUH?

Flair might have bitten his lip or something as it’s busted open a tiny bit.  Shawn goes up but gets slammed off in a nice little touch.  Flair goes up and GETS A CROSS BODY for two.  That was kind of awesome.  Old men flying through the air is cool for some reason.  Baseball slide takes down Flair again though Shawn misses an Asai Moonsault and slams into the table, possibly legitimately injuring his ribs.

A nearly perfect suplex gets two for Flair as he’s hitting everything perfectly here.  Remember if he loses he has to retire so they’re playing up the fight for survival deal here and it’s working for the most part I think.  Shawn gets a neckbreaker to come back and hits a moonsault off the top to the floor to leave both guys laying.  When I say hits I mean Flair sticks an arm out which slows Shawn down a bit mind you.

Forearm sets up the nipup and here comes Shawn despite not really being in trouble for the most part.  There’s the elbow and Shawn sets for the superkick but can’t do it.  Flair is like ok then and double scoops the legs to throw on the Figure Four.  Flair has aged about ten years in this match so far.  The rope is grabbed soon and we go to the backslide sequence that Flair has done a million times.  That being said, Flair can’t really do it due to his age.  That’s rather sad.

Flair goes back to the knee and now we get the REAL Figure Four.  I guess the other was just a preview edition.  Shawn reverses though into a cradle for two.  Enziguri misses and THERE is the Figure Four.  A rope is grabbed again but this time more damage is done here.  However Flair does one WOO too many and gets drilled by the kick for two as Shawn couldn’t cover immediately.

Shawn sets for the kick again but Flair gets a low blow which brings a nice little smile to my face.  That only gets two though as this is fairly solid stuff.  Shawn gets his disfigured figure four on but like Flair is going to lose to that.  He’s Shawn Michaels, not Jay Lethal.  A rollup get two for Flair and they chop it out.  Shawn is like screw it and kicks his head off.  Flair gets up again, and although Shawn is sorry and he loves Flair, the third superkick ends Flair’s career.  Well for about a year or so at least.

Rating: A. As I said, this wasn’t about the match. This was about saying goodbye to one of the greatest performers of all time. That night, the titles weren’t important, the atmosphere wasn’t important, and the show wasn’t important. This night was about Ric Flair saying goodbye to being an in ring competitor.

Should this match have gone on last? Yes I think that it should have. Nothing, and I mean nothing, was as important to the industry as the moment when his final match ended. It was a sad day, as Flair didn’t get to go out on his own terms completely, but at least he went out on the biggest stage in the world.

As for the match, it’s not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Yes, some spots are blown. Yes, we knew what was going to happen. Some find “I’m sorry, I love you” to be corny. That’s fine that you think that way, but this match almost had me in tears all over again.

It’s so sad to see Ric Flair having reached the point where he can’t bridge up for a backslide anymore. This man was once the greatest performer in the entire world and now he can’t do a simple reversal spot. He broke out all of his old classics including the cross body block that made him famous by giving him the world title at the first ever Starrcade. This match isn’t great from a wrestling perspective but it’s more than that. This match is about the end of an era.

Flair gets a big sad moment but the real one would come tomorrow.
Edge says the Streak ends tonight.

So who gets to follow that match? I hate to say it but whoever they are, their match is going to go down a letter grade or so as it’s simply not going to be easy to touch what just happened.

Beth Phoenix/Melina vs. Maria/Ashley

Oh screw it. I was going to try to be nice to whatever came next and I get “bunnymania”? Well crud. This is a lumberjill match, hosted by Snoop Dog in a pitiful attempt to bring celebrity status to this show. He’s driving something that looks like a golf cart that looks stupid.  Santino is here to annoy all of us again as he helps the heels cheat to win.

Well at least Maria looks good.  Actually only Ashley doesn’t here.  Beth has to sell for this Ashley pest which makes my head hurt quite a bit.  Snoop is so stoned he can’t stop smiling.  Sweet merciful crap make this end already.  Total time in before my head hurts: 34 seconds.  Well I lasted longer than I thought I could.

The girls on the floor waste their usual time and no one cares at all.  Maria saves Ashley.  You can see the issue here with her being the better worker of the team.  And there go the lights.  Yeah you can’t see anything at all for about a minute or so.  Ah there’s a spotlight.  Well that helps a little I guess.

Glam Slam is blocked and we get some heel miscommunication.  The lumberjacks get involved again and Maria gets two on Beth.  Here’s Santino but   Lawler attacks him which led to nothing of note. Beth pins Maria after Musclebuster. Snoop attacks Santino and kisses Maria, somehow making me less interested than I was when this started.  This led to Glamarella if you’re interested for some reason.

Rating: F. Another waste of time in a bad match. How long is it going to take for the WWE to realize something: someone that is willing to be in a magazine doesn’t mean they can wrestle. The teams should have been switched so Melina can face Beth, as both can actually work. The lights went out during this match, as God himself is showing that he doesn’t care, and neither did I. Such a waste of time.

Recap of the Raw World Title match.  Orton was champion, Cena got in by winning the Rumble and challenging Orton at No Way Out but Orton got intentionally DQed, and HHH is in because he won the Elimination Chamber that same night. I have never once liked three way matches for world titles at Mania.

The idea is supposed to be one on one for the heavyweight championship of the world, not three guys with false finish after false finish. I am however glad that this isn’t the main event of the night. It wasn’t the biggest match of the night and it wasn’t billed as such.
Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. HHH

Cena gets a full marching band entrance here.  That’s rather awesome.  Everyone goes after each other to start and we’re on the floor already.  FU attempt on Orton almost immediately but he gets nowhere with it as HHH apparently fears Cena as he’d rather save Orton than get rid of him.  You can tell Cena isn’t taking this seriously: he isn’t in his black jeans.

Orton gets both guys down and covers both of them multiple times which gets him nowhere.  He keeps up the advantage though by slowly, and I do mean SLOWLY stomping both guys.  Wouldn’t he give them more time to recover by taking so much time like that?  Couldn’t he do better by stomping their heads the whole time?  Double elevated DDT and our heroes are in trouble!

Cena comes back and hits the Throwback to HHH and the Fameasser to Orton but Orton manages to send Cena into the post on the floor to buy himself some time.  Back to Hunter vs. Randall now.  HHH works the knee but Cena comes in to distract him.  Once John goes down the RKO takes down HHH.

Cena saves of course and the STFU to Orton has him in trouble.  This is going by FAST.  Cena tells him to tap but Orton doesn’t listen.  I guess Cena isn’t one of the voices in his head.  Back with HHH now as he hooks a freaking Indian Deathlock on Orton.  WOW he’s busting out the way old stuff here.  HHH back to the floor thanks to Cena and there’s the STFU again.

HHH literally comes in to pull Cena’s arms off of Cena.  I guess HHH wants to cuddle him.  He throws a Crossface on Cena for fun.  I know he wants the title but I didn’t think he wanted to kill him.  The fans are all over Cena here and it’s kind of funny to see.  Boo/Yay thing with the punches and here comes Cena.

He initiates the ending sequence on HHH and sets for the FU but gets taken down by a clothesline.  Pedigree and STFU are reversed but a facebuster and clothesline set up the spinebuster which sets up the Pedigree.  Orton Punts HHH out of nowhere and climbs on Cena for the pin to retain.  Nice little ending there.
Rating: C+. It’s ok and that’s all. Like I said, there’s nothing special here whatsoever. It’s not a bad match but it’s just ok. There was nothing Mania-like here at all. It was three men in a standard formula match. Why should I get emotionally invested into this match? There was no reason for me to and simply put, I didn’t.

We recap the boxer vs. wrestler thing.   Okay, this feud has been over and done with for a solid year and there’s one thing I’d still like to know: WHO IN THE WORLD WAS THE FACE SUPPOSED TO BE??? This feud was ridiculous.

In case you don’t know, Big Show returned at No Way Out and got in the face of a really good boxer named Floyd “Money” Mayweather, who legitimately broke his nose with a punch. This led to a feud between the two, culminating in this match.

Over the course of the 5-6 weeks, we got terrible promos from Mayweather and Show and it was never once made clear who the face was. Should we cheer for the underdog that is an outsider or for the monster that looks like a bully? That was never answered which is a problem.
Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show

Mayweather does the whole raining money deal.  Naturally Floyd has gloves on.  Mayweather dodges a lot and that gets him nowhere as we’re more or less just killing time for awhile.  Floyd throws punches which don’t do much.  This is going NOWHERE.  Out of boredom, Show beats up one of Floyd’s posse.

Show grabs Mayweather’s hand and tries to step on it which doesn’t work.  This is about 85% standing around and “jockeying for position”.  Show almost gets a chokeslam but Floyd gets on his back for a choke.  After nearly a minute and a half of this, Show flips him over and steps on his hands to send Floyd’s posse into a frenzy.

Big chop by Show in the corner as the posse shouts that Show can’t do various things, such as stand on his chest.  I hate this match very deeply at the moment.  Them shouting THIS IS FOR YOUR KIDS when Mayweather has like 50 million dollars makes me sick.  He has money.  I don’t want to hear about how he’s doing this for his kids.  If they can’t survive off the paychecks he makes already, there’s a major problem.

Show hurts him a lot and drops an elbow.  This is AWFUL.  The posse pulls him out, Show goes to get him, he beats up the posse, the posse tries to give Floyd a chair, Show beats that guy up again, Mayweather pops Show with the chair and a shot with brass knuckles ends this via knockout, FINALLY.
Rating: D-. This was a mess. These things rarely work and this was following the norm of not working. Mayweather is simply too small to get this to work. He stands 5’8 and while he’s a great boxer, no one honestly believed that he could beat Show.

There’s no way to make this work: if Mayweather wins, Big Show looks weak. If Show wins, he beat a tiny man at Show’s own game on his turf. Either way there’s no way to make this work and they didn’t have one.

The other thing that’s a problem is that Mayweather has no business wrestling. He’s a puncher, but even with that there’s no way to believe that he has a chance here. They tried to make this look competitive, but the crowd was completely behind Mayweather for the simple reason of he’s average sized and Big Show is……well he’s BIG.  This did not do it for me at all.

There’s a new attendance record.

Taker gets this title shot from winning the Rumble.  That’s all you need to know.
Smackdown Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

Edge brings out Vickie in the wheelchair.  Taker’s entrance remains completely awesome.  He came out first which is odd yet traditional.  What an odd thing to see.  Edge is a four time champion here, meaning he’s won a world title every six months since then.  Keeping in mind that he hasn’t had one since April of 2009, that says a lot.

Very basic stuff to start as we’re not going anywhere so far.  Old School is countered but Taker shifts around in mid air into an arm drag.  It gets NO reaction.  That’s saying a lot as no one cares after something I don’t remember seeing before.  Taker gets a running knee to the head and goes over the top in a nice looking move.  Taker may have hurt his arm though.

Edge takes over and almost gets a countout.  He goes up and gets caught like any good heel and here comes the Deadman.  VERY slow pace so far as each short sequence they’re doing is taking 2-3 minutes each.  Lash Ride won’t work as Taker’s back is messed up from various attacks by the evil Canadian.  Edge drops Taker’s back over the railing and the Deadman is in trouble.

In the ring again and Edge throws on a half crab as a joke I suppose.  Much like everything else in this match, that goes on for two minutes.  They slug it out and take a guess who wins that.  They FINALLY speed things up a bit as the chokeslam is countered into the Edgecution for two.  Spear is avoided and the chokeslam gets two.

Old School is blocked AGAIN for two as Edge pounds away in the corner like an IDIOT.  Last Ride is countered into a neckbreaker for two.  Taker calls for the Tombstone but Edge counters AGAIN into the Edge-O-Matic for two.  The third Old School hits and Edge is in trouble again.  And there goes the referee to a big boot.  Ok where are the cronies?

Low blow takes down the Deadman as does a camera shot but there’s still no referee.  Like an idiot, Edge goes for a Tombstone and is reversed but there’s no referee.  Charles Robinson runs down to count two.  I don’t think you can count that as Edge doing the same as Batista and Shawn kicking out of all the finishers though so we won’t do it.

Ah I was right.  Here are Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder (shut up about him being in the Mania main event) and never mind as a double chokeslam gets rid of them.  Spear from nowhere gets two and the fans are into it now.  Edge sets for another spear but runs into the whatever that thing is called for the chokeout and submission.

Rating: A-. There’s just something missing from this match and I just can’t place it. All the elements are there as Edge and Taker are both well established main event players, the Streak is on the line and Taker gets a world title at Mania like he should, but there’s just something missing from it. Maybe it’s that these matches were done better later in the year. Either way, it’s certainly good, but not a masterpiece.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s a lot of good stuff here, but there’s only one truly good match. Yet again the tradition of messing things up with the Brand Split comes into play as the best match doesn’t go on last. This show should have been about Ric Flair, not a world title. Not many people can get that honor but it should have happened here.

At the end of the day, no one cared about what happened in the two title matches, or any other match for that matter. Flair going on in the middle of the show hurts it a lot. Other than him, there’s nothing noteworthy here to me at all. The show isn’t bad, but it’s hardly memorable. Mild recommendation but don’t go out of your way for it.

Any general thoughts/predictions going into the show?