Unforgiven 2004
Date: September 12, 2004
Location: Rose Garden, Portland, Oregon
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s 2004 and we’re in the single brand PPV era. This is a Raw show and the main event is HHH vs. Orton since Orton rose to the top of the show and won the title from Benoit at Summerslam. Since someone is getting some traction as a face, we better crush him quickly. Other than that we also have Jericho vs. Christian in a ladder match for the vacant IC Title and the winner of worst match of the year. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how Orton has turned back against Evolution and HHH in specific so tonight it’s payback time.

Batista/Ric Flair vs. Chris Benoit/William Regal

Regal got a small push around this time as he feuded with Evolution because Evolution hurt Eugene. Benoit vs. Batista gets us going and the Crossface is attempted less than a minute in. Benoit uses his technical stuff and has Batista all confused. Off to Regal who tries to brawl and tosses Big Dave around with a suplex. Batista gets his hands on Benoit and brings in Flair. Let the wooing begin!

Benoit is like cool man and chops it out with Flair and the Canadian gets the better of it. Back to Regal and the beat down the old wrinkly man. Flair Flop and Regal drops a knee on his head. Benoit and Regal hammer away on Ric for a bit. He probably owes them money. Benoit goes for the knee again and takes an enziguri for Flair Flop #2. Off to Regal vs. Batista now and Regal is in a fighting move.

Batista takes down Regal and lets Flair get the glory shots in. Well that’s better than a Regal money shot I guess. Belly to back gets two. This crowd is silent. Batista comes back in and he’s really not that good at this kind of stuff yet. Back to Flair and it’s Figure Four time. Benoit comes in to break it up like any good partner would do. Batista beats on Regal a bit but Regal rams into him and it’s hot tag Benoit.

Flair comes in at the same time and Benoit is all fired up. The crowd doesn’t seem to care about anyone but Regal. That tends to be a problem in the Pacific Northwest. Is there an Atlantic Northwest that I’m not aware of? Benoit busts out Rolling Germans on Flair and the Swan Dive drills Flair. Crossface goes on Flair but Batista picks Benoit up like he’s a small Canadian wrestler and Batista is a big power lifter. Regal sends Batista into the post and then into the crowd. The Canadian counters the Figure Four into the Crossface and we’re done.

Rating: B-. Solid opening tag match here that got a lot of time to work with. Regal was fired up here and with him like this I could see him having a bit of a stronger push if they kept him serious. Not a classic or anything but they did enough here to make a good match without much to work with other than Evolution hurt a slow guy and it’s revenge time. Good opener though.

Trish and Christian argue over who gets to use Tomko tonight. Pay no attention to the fact that they have different matches tonight and Tomko isn’t in one of his own. Trish whispers in his ear and Tomko leaves with her. I think that was a breakup also. There’s some mystery chick that is trying to jump Trish which is why she wants Tomko there.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is champion and Victoria is in this weird stage where she’s dancing and such and it didn’t fit her at all. JR thinks Victoria is the stronger of the two. And this man is in the Hall of Fame. The fans think Trish is a sl** and Jerry disagrees. Jerry wanted to give Trish a pre-match physical since she had been injured. JR: “She had a broken hand. What were you going to have her do? DON’T ANSWER THAT.” Victoria keeps taking over but can’t keep the advantage.

Tomko saves Trish from a dive and Victoria is mad. She gets sent into the post and that changes things around quite a bit. Trish pounds away and chokes a bit for two. She channels her inner Dan Severn and uses the modified abdominal stretch that he used during his limited time in the company. Things slow WAY down as Trish hooks on a chinlock. Victoria makes her comeback and hits her side slam and and standing moonsault (with shake) for two each. A headbutt puts Trish down…and Victoria dives on Tomko. That’s enough for Stratusfaction to end this.

Rating: D. And most of that is because Victoria looks good in little flesh colored shorts. This was really boring and I don’t think anyone cared. For some reason this was to set up the post match stuff because the company thought someone wanted to see it. What is that you ask? It’s the worst match of the year. Here it is.

The mystery woman comes in to save Victoria from a beating and a DDT puts Tomko down. After a brief chat with JR and Jerry, Tomko says he wants to fight the mystery woman right now. Here she comes and even JR says it’s the worst kept secret in wrestling as to who that is.

Tyson Tomko vs. Mystery Woman

There go the clothes…and it’s Steven Richards. Yeah and everyone knew it so this is hardly a secret. And he’s wearing a bra, panties and plastic chest enhancements. Tomko destroys him and asks if Richards wants to be a girl. The fans know it’s garbage and it’s not even really a match. Tomko chokes Richards a lot and the fans aren’t paying attention at all. Tomko slams him and that’s the first non-stomp/choke move of the match. Here’s a neck vice and the fans just die. Richards no sells punches and Tomko calls him a sissy, making Steven grabs his balls. Tomko’s that is. Richards stops to look at the bra and a rack neckbreaker ends him.

Rating: J. As in just no. No way, not working, nothing of value. Next please. This is why we got tired of individual brand PPVs: stuff like this got six and a half minutes. Let that sink in for a minute.

Buy the Chris Benoit DVD which we’ll never mention again three years from this date!

We recap Christian vs. Jericho. In short, Edge was injured (shocking I know) and had to forfeit the title. Jericho got in his face so Christian made the save and a ladder match was announced for this show for the title.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Chris Jericho

All outside parties are banned from ringside and it’s a ladder match remember. The fans chant CLB and Christian is in green tights for some reason. Basic stuff to start with these two being their normally awesome selves. Jericho grabs a ladder and throws it at Christian but only hits another ladder. Jericho takes over and hits a running enziguri. Out to the floor and Jericho misses another ladder shot.

And now let’s go into the crowd because there are a ton of ladders out there right? Back to ringside and Jericho chokes on him with a cord. Christian busts out an Unprettier (Killswitch) on the floor which today would probably be an injury angle for Jericho but here it just knocks him out. To give you an idea of what midcard finishers mean, Jericho keeps Christian from even climbing the ladder after taking his finisher on the floor. Imagine that today.

Christian is sent face first into the ladder and JR talks about barbecue sauce. I don’t get how he manages to tie those things together but whatever. Christian puts the ladder on the middle rope and slingshots Jericho into it face first. This is more about beating on each other instead of the title and climbing. Speaking of which, Jericho throws the ladder at Christian to put him down again.

Jericho channels his inner Shawn and rides the ladder down onto Christian, mainly hitting the back and the knees. Since selling isn’t allowed in this match, Jericho gets hung upside down, almost in a Tree of Woe position in the corner. Christian goes up but Jericho flips him off instead of climbing to slow him down. Jericho tries a Lionsault onto Christian onto the ladder but only gets ladder.

Jericho sends him into the ladder and the fans try to get into it. Christian goes up and hangs up there but still can’t pull it down. Instead he crashes, allowing Jericho to go up and be shoved off too. Christian goes up and gets caught in Jericho’s signature Walls on the Ladder spot. Christian falls off and Jericho still can’t get it as Jericho’s tail bone lands on the ladder. FREAKING OW MAN! Captain Charisma brings the big ladder in and Jericho tries on a regular one.

Since he’s an idiot in this match, Christian touches the belt and then stops to look at Jericho. Both guys go flying off after Jericho shoves the belt so Christian has issues getting to it. And then Jericho climbs up to get it in a very pedestrian ending. This would give Jericho the record for most Intercontinental Titles ever, a record he still holds to this day.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty boring ladder match actually. Ladder matches automatically get some bonus points because they’re ladder matches but this was far less about drama for the belt and more about trying to have big spots. Not a particularly good match and most of the time it just got boring. They were trying though and the spot near the end where Jericho fell on the ladder was impressive.

Todd tries to talk to Kane but runs into Lita instead. Lita talks about how she wants Shawn to kill Kane. Kane pops out of his locker room and grabs her by the hair. It’s now a No DQ match. Kane also forces a kiss out of her.

Jericho talks about how proud he is to be champion and the record holding champ. Edge pops up and says that’s my belt.

Mania 21 is in LA.

We recap Shawn vs. Kane. Kane is all crazy and evil and Lita is carrying his baby which was the result of a night with Kane to keep him from killing Matt. Guess how well Kane kept up the end of the bargain. This resulted in a forced wedding because that’s how wrestling works. Kane got an open contract to face anyone he wanted at Unforgiven and planned to get a world title shot but Lita stole the contract and signed Kane up to face the returning Shawn Michaels. Oh and Kane put Shawn out in the first place.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane

Lita is here against her will. Shawn fires away at Kane and the Big Bald gets beaten to the floor. See, this is why Shawn is great: you can throw him into something like this and it works very well as can anyone question Shawn being in there? Shawn heads to the floor but jumps into an uppercut back inside. Kane misses an elbow due to Shawn moving even though it would have missed by a mile anyway. Out to the floor and Shawn dives over the top to take Kane down.

The lack of a story is hurting it here as it’s just a match with no backstory or anything like that and that’s the meat of any wrestling match. Shawn gets slammed through the table and he bumps like only Shawn can. That only gets two back in the ring because an upper midcard match has to go longer than 5 minutes. A legdrop also gets two. Off to a chinlock to waste some time. The move known as the Punjabi Plunge gets two.

Back to the neck vice which lasts a little longer this time. Shawn finally gets something going and drops Kane with a DDT. Both guys are down so Kane sits up and Shawn nips up almost at the same time. Out to the floor again and a step shot busts Shawn open. Shawn tries to speed things up and knocks a chair out of Kane’s hands but gets knocked down again.

Kane misses a big boot to the post and Shawn sends his head into the steel. Shawn fires away with his usual stuff back in the ring and drops the elbow for no cover. Michaels starts shaking like Terry Funk and it’s time to stomp the mat in an attempt to surprise my opponent. And never mind as Kane kicks his head off for two. Top rope clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam but Shawn hits Kane in the Little Balds.

A big chair shot puts Kane down but Shawn can’t follow up. Since it’s a No DQ match we also have no countouts so the laying around is pretty pointless with no drama at all. Lita steals the chair from Kane and the distraction lets Shawn…miss Sweet Chin Music again but the third attempt hits and it’s good for the pin.

Rating: C. This got almost twenty minutes and while it was a good brawl, I’m not really sure what this proves. Shawn, a bigger star than Kane, beat Kane and that’s it. There’s no story or retribution or anything like that. It was an entertaining enough match but all it really does is advance Lita and Kane a bit more. It would take Gene Snitsky of all people to turn Kane face again.

Video on Shelton Benjamin. He isn’t on the show or anything but here’s a video about him.

HHH talks about how Orton was nothing until he met HHH and how Evolution was about the best, meaning him. Orton is good, but not as good. This takes about two minutes and it takes that much time to say HHH is awesome and Orton needs to be beaten.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Tajiri/Rhyno

Conway/Grenier here. Conway vs. Tajiri starts us off and Tajiri speeds around a lot to take over. Off to Grenier who hits the floor to avoid a Gore. Tajiri comes back in and takes over with a semi-botched tornado DDT. Conway beats on Tajiri and the fans just do not care. Off to a reverse chinlock as the fans chant USA for a Japanese comeback. Rhyno comes in and beats on both French dudes a bit.

This match needs to end like five minutes ago. It’s just boring but you could say that about every tag title match in this period. We hear about Rhyno looking everywhere for a partner as he walks into a double flapjack for two. The flag goes into Conway’s balls but a Gore only gets two. And there’s a flag to the face of Rhyno for the cheap pin.

Rating: F+. This had zero point in being on PPV. It wouldn’t even be a good Raw match, mainly because it went on way too long, getting almost ten minutes. La Resistance would be the heel team of the year for awhile as no one cared at all and it went nowhere at all. The tag division sucked BAD around this point and this is a fine example of it.

We recap Orton vs. HHH which I’m sure you get by this point. They were in Evolution together, Orton won the title, HHH got mad and threw him out, this is the match. Oh and Orton spat at HHH. This gets the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH has the white boots on this time. I miss this version of Orton. Here he’s young and chisled and has elbow pads and isn’t orange and covered in tattoos. They get something resembling big match intros as both guys are checked for weapons and they get the rules read to them. Feeling out process to start and they look at each other a lot. Orton spits at him again and I guess the bodybuilding phase is over.

Orton fires away and drops HHH on his back (a backdrop if you will) and hammers on him even more. Time for the chinlock and Orton looks ticked off while he’s holding onto it. And now that the hold is broken: more punching! They head to the floor and JR calls it no man’s land, and “HHH owns a lot of land in no man’s land.” If this show hadn’t bored me into a numbness already, I’d rip that apart.

HHH gets in a shot to the knee and JR follows that one up by saying he thinks Orton is quicker. Back in HHH goes for the knee as he channels his inner Naitch. The leg goes into the post and the Game works on the knee. By that I mean he spends a LONG time working on it. Off to a Figure Four and Trips puts the pressure on it. The hold goes on for a few mintues as the boring nature of this show continues. The crowd isn’t into it at all either.

The Game finally gets caught in the ropes and Hebner breaks it up. Orton counters another try at the hold and both guys are down. HHH is busted off….something. Orton goes back to the old faithful right hand and a Piper poke to the eye. They trade sleepers and HHH goes up for the dumbest move in wrestling (jumping into the boot). Randy goes up as well and hits a cross body for two.

Backbreaker gets two for the champion. The knee injury is coming and going. Orton loads up the RKO but gets shoved into the referee. Pedigree is countered into the RKO but there’s no ref. Here’s Flair who has the same looking hair as my ex stepmother but down he goes as well. Batista comes in and goes into the post.

A low blow puts Randy down and Coach comes out to referee. There’s a right hand for him but Orton walks into a Batista spinebuster to put him down for two. Pedigree is countered and there’s an RKO for Coach. Flair brings in a chair and takes an RKO too. A low blow gets rid of Batista but HHH pops Randy with a chair and a Pedigree onto said chair gives HHH the title back.

Rating: B-. Good match but the ending really hurts it. Everything went insane and the Evolution team standing tall was already old but here it is again. Batista would hit the hot streak of a lifetime soon after this though and would finally take the title off HHH for good. Oh and that Cena guy won a title too. The match was long though and the leg selling by Orton was so hit or miss that it got annoying.

Overall Rating: D-. There’s some good stuff on here but OH MY GOODNESS this show is boring. This show just keeps going on and on and there are moments where you want to pound your head into a wall to give you something interesting like a concussion. The matches aren’t bad but nothing is really great and there is so much awful on it that it gets pulled down and pulled down deep. Very boring show and nothing worth seeing at all.

Unforgiven 2002
Date: September 22, 2002
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a show I forgot existed. It’s in a pretty weak time for the company as the world title had split less than three weeks before this. The main events are RVD challenging HHH and Taker challenging Brock for the Smackdown title. Other than that we have Stephanie performing Hot Lesbian Action and Benoit vs. Angle. I can’t wait to get to that Benoit and Angle so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how cool it is to have two world title matches. Man would that voiceover chick be disappointed today.

The theme song is Adrenaline from XXX so I can’t complain there.

Un-Americans vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Kane/Booker T/Goldust

Just an 8 man tag here to make the fans be all happy to see evil foreigners (is Dudleyville in America?) lose. I guess Spain isn’t an evil foreign country anymore. Storm and Christian are the Raw tag champs here. Goldust is the hometown boy here and he starts with Christian. Goldie cleans house and it’s off to Bubba vs. Storm. Bubba has no issues abusing some foreigners and a flapjack gets two.

Test comes in to beat on Goldie a bit so JR talks about having breakfast. Booker comes in to a big pop (he was on fire at this point) and beats up Test. Regal has about the same luck, getting caught in What’s Up. And it’s table time! I wonder what would happen if Bubba didn’t have an underling to tell to get the tables.

Booker gets beaten down again as we’re just waiting on the hot tag to Kane who is on a huge roll at this point. That shows why he’s in the opening 8 man tag I guess. How dare he get on a roll like that? Christian comes in for a chinlock but Goldust makes the save. Booker grabs the sweet spinning sunset flip out of the corner and a spinebuster for two.

Here’s Kane who looks a lot slimmer than I remember him. He destroys everything in sight like any good monster. Everything breaks down and everyone snaps off their finishers (including a Spinarooni and Shattered Dreams to Christian) and a chokeslam to Storm ends this after Kane knocks the brass knucks out of Regal’s hand.

Rating: C+. Just an 8 man tag here but the ending was fun and the fans are into things now. There’s very little you can do that will get fans going more than playing to their patriotism and this did that in droves. Wrestling fans are a very patriotic bunch and if you don’t believe me, just as the Real American.

Stephanie gives Billy and Chuck a pep talk. The idea is that if they lose, Stephanie has to make out with some chick. If they win, Eric has to kiss her….uh…..yeah you get the idea.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Flair beat him last month to set this up. Jericho is champion and is the heel. Flair isn’t a total mess yet and could still have a mostly watchable match at this point. In order to set this up. Flair lost to Rico on Raw. What that has to do with this is beyond me and how it makes him look like a challenger to Jericho is beyond me too but whatever. Figure Four is countered quickly and a baseball slide puts Flair down on the outside.

Missile dropkick gets two and I’ll leave it up to you to figure out who hit that. JR and Lawler are talking about how Flair has to be about ready to retire. How scary is it that Flair is still technically active while Jericho has retired for all intents and purposes? Abdominal stretch goes on but Flair escapes and turns it into a brawl, sending Jericho into the railing and then back inside. He can still do his basic stuff which is enough to keep things going well enough.

It’s time for the knee but the Figure Four is countered into a small package for two. Lionsault misses and Jericho might have jammed his knee. Jericho says he’s injured and asks Flair for mercy but of course he’s fine. He grabs the Walls and Flair has to give it up for the pretty surprising submission. A heel just won a match with a submission against a big name opponent. That’s not something I was expecting.

Rating: C-. The idea here is that Flair has lost a step which I think everyone knew coming in. That’s an old Flair trick but Flair fell for it here, which is to say he’s not thinking as much out there. Now why did we need to have a title match on PPV for that? Also, Flair actually tapped out to a move? That just doesn’t fit at all.

Bischoff tells 3 Minute Warning to win tonight for Bischoff’s sake. Rico will be in their corner tonight.

Shaq is here.

Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero

This is about respect or something. Also Edge caused Rikishi to give Eddie some Stinkfaces. Eddie runs to start and suckers Edge in to take over. And scratch that as he walks into a powerslam for two. Eddie tops that with a SWEET tornado DDT for two. He hooks on a unique submission where he’s in the position for a victory roll but hooks the arms back on the mat and works on the neck.

Belly to back gets two for Eddie and he hooks a front facelock to keep the attack on the neck. Simple psychology but it works. Eddie pounds away but Edge knocks his block off with a right hand and both guys are down. That was quite a right hand as it keeps both guys down for a count of six. A spear attempt eats corner and Eddie is all fired up. Edge gets a pair of rollups for four and a neckbreaker to put both guys down again.

Edge starts his comeback with his usual stuff but it’s a lot more crisp as he hasn’t injured his neck for the first time here so he’s a lot faster than you might be accustomed to. Eddie grabs a jawbreaker and the fans seem to be behind Edge here. Latino Heat tries a springboard rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two. Another spear misses but Edge grabs the Edgecution for two. Edge misses a missile dropkick and Eddie loosens a buckle. Eddie gets sent into said buckle and speared into the corner. They go up and Eddie hits a sunset bomb with the tights for the pin.

Rating: B. This was very fun stuff and the ending was the right move with Eddie cheating to win the match also. There are arguments to have either guy win here but Edge losing was a nice surprise and the match was excellent fast paced stuff that is probably going to be the best match of the night until Benoit vs. Angle.

HHH goes to see RVD and says Rob doesn’t have the fire in him or something. Flair is there too and gets made fun of as well. Trash talking isn’t RVD’s strong suit.

We recap 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck. This was one of those things that only happens in wrestling and soap operas. So Billy and Chuck were going to have a “commitment ceremony” (and yes it’s exactly what it sounds like) and the justice of the peace was really old. He started talking about how this could last and said it could be three minutes. He then changed his voice and pulled his face off, revealing that it was Bischoff in a prosthetic mask. The fat guys (Jamal and Rosey) beat up Billy and Chuck after that. Stephanie did the same on Raw and the match happened as a result.

Billy and Chuck vs. 3 Minute Warning

Here they’re just Rosey and Jamal but the 3 minute idea was still around. Jamal is more famous as Umaga. The fight starts immediately and Rico kicks Chuck in the head to take over. Rosey vs. Chuck starts us off. Cole talks about all of the people that 3 Minute Warning has beaten up, calling them a who’s who of wrestling: Shawn Stasiak, D’Lo Brown, Mini-dust, lesbians, Mae Young and Moolah just to name a few. I’m not here any more. I’m over there. That blew me away.

This is the fat boys’ debut and the fans make gay chants at Rico. A middle rope moonsault misses Chuck and this isn’t an incredibly interesting match. Billy comes in and cleans house but then tries to ram the Samoans’ heads together. And people wonder why he gets made fun of. Anyway, Rosey goes up for a splash but Chuck saves….by throwing him off the top with the hopes that Billy isn’t there anymore I guess. Jamal cleans house and superkicks Chuck but walks into a Fameasser. Rico comes in for a distraction and a Samoan Drop ends Billy to set up HLA later.

Rating: D. Well this was uh…..pointless? Why did this need to happen on PPV again? The match wasn’t very good at all and was just here to set up an angle later on in the night, which I’m sure won’t have any shenanigans at all. Billy and Chuck would split very soon after this after losing in the first round of the Smackdown tag title tournament.

Bischoff is very happy and various lesbians want to kiss Stephanie. They just all happen to be young and attractive. Most lesbians I know really aren’t.

We recap HHH vs. RVD. HHH was awarded the first World Heavyweight Championship and Van Dam won a fatal fourway elimination match to get the shot.

Raw World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. HHH

HHH is clean shaven and the look isn’t really working for him. Feeling out process to start and Jerry implies RVD is high. Jerry makes more pot jokes as HHH takes over using power moves. HHH heads to the floor so RVD gets a bottle of water from somewhere and does the HHH spit. They’re still in the opening part here as it’s back and forth stuff with no one really trying anything big yet.

Van Dam uses his kicks to get two and we’re back on the mat with the headlock again. Rob tries a big dive to the floor but HHH just steps to the side and Van Dam crashes HARD, giving us our first major advantage. HHH beats on him out there a bit which gets two back in the ring. They go to the floor and RVD takes over by ramming HHH into the table. High knee gets two for the champ.

HHH goes up top and gets caught. Well he is a Flair student after all. HHH hooks up a sleeper which he was using a lot more often at this point. Van Dam gets a kick in to take over and they slug it out a bit. Modified rolling thunder gets two. Van Dam does his rolling monkey flip out of the corner and a middle rope kick out of the corner sets up Rolling Thunder for two.

Van Dam dives out to the floor and HHH is in trouble. A top rope kick (it’s that one footed dropkick that he hits all the time) gets two. Trips grabs a facebuster but down goes the referee. RVD takes him down but there’s no referee. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot and RVD is feeling froggy. What exactly is froggy? Does he want to eat bugs? The splash hits but there’s no referee again. A low blow puts Rob down and it’s sledgehammer time. Here’s Flair, the guy HHH called old and worthless earlier…and of course he hits Rob with the hammer and a Pedigree keeps the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. It’s ok but that’s being generous. There’s just nothing going on here and the turn makes almost no sense at all. This would be the beginning of the Evolution period and it feels like the show should end here, but we’ve got well over an hour to go. That shot of HHH standing tall with Flair would be the scene for about a year and a half and it got really dull really fast.

D’Lo Brown and Kidman are in the back when a guy from the Young and the Restless comes up. Brown is a soap opera geek apparently. He wants to know if there’s something going on on the side but the actor says he’s a married man. Dawn Marie comes up and takes him away. This might be the most pointless scene in WWE history. Let that sink in for a minute.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

It’s not Time to Rock and Roll yet and Molly is probably going to be cannon fodder to give Trish another reign. Typical Diva stuff to start with Trish being 26 and mostly awesome at this point. This is during the Molly is a Virgin thing and Jerry implies he’d like to pop her. Molly takes over and rams Trish’s head into the steps. The announcers take a chance to talk about where the show is airing, which is a giveaway that the match is just filler.

Molly puts on a chinlock and we’re running with an anchor. JR isn’t happy that Stephanie is going to have to perform HLA. Small package gets two for Trish. A bulldog out of nowhere gets two. It didn’t use the ropes though so I guess kicking out of it is ok. Chick Kick gets two. Molly hits a handspring corner smash for two. Trish gets sent into the ropes and comes off with the Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog for the pin.

Rating: D-. It doesn’t fail because Trish looks good in tight pants. This was so boring I could barely stand sitting through it. The whole division was pretty awful until it got to Trish vs. Lita every month and we added some more girls like Gail and Mickie (who really helped it). Still though, this was boring filler.

Trish is happy.

Bischoff and Rico party with the lesbians. Rico leaves with 3 Minute Warning and the girls. Weren’t they lesbians? Two of the chicks stay behind to do the stuff with Stephanie later.

We recap Angle vs. Benoit and does this really need a recap? Angle got a Stinkface and Benoit thought it was funny so Angle got mad. Another feud began. Benoit got a Stinkface thanks to Angle and the match was made.

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

The YOU SUCK chants are extra loud tonight. They go to the mat quickly after hitting the floor and you know I can’t keep up with these two. A Crossface attempt doesn’t work and it’s a standoff. Ankle lock attempt has the same result. We get an INCREDIBLE pinfall reversal sequence that ends in a Crossface attempt and Kurt hits the floor to a round of applause from the fans.

Kurt finally is like screw this and throws Benoit to the floor. Back in and Kurt hooks a body vice but Benoit grabs the leg into a submission of his own. Benoit avoids a charge and Kurt goes into the post twice. As you might expect him to do, Benoit goes right for the bad shoulder but walks into a belly to belly to break the momentum. This is a chess match as you would expect from these two. The question is how high can it get on the classic scale.

The Canadian hits some Germans on the American but the American counters the Canadian’s German to hit some American Germans on the Canadian but the Canadian counters into a German on the American but the American counters the Canadian to hit three Germans on the Canadian and everyone is down. That gets another round of applause.

Angle Slam is countered but Chris gets a release German to send Angle flying onto his face to put both guys down again. Benoit sets for the swan dive but Angle runs the corner and hits the belly to belly for two. AWESOME stuff here. Ankle lock is countered quickly and Benoit gets him into a tombstone position but drops into a shoulderbreaker. See, THAT is smart.

Swan dive hits but Benoit can’t cover immediately. Kurt kicks out so Benoit throws the Crossface on…..but Angle grabs the ankle lock WHILE HE’S STILL IN THE CROSSFACE! WOW. Ankle lock goes on but Benoit reverses into the Crossface which is reversed into the ankle lock but Benoit grabs the rope. Angle hooks a Crossface on Benoit and pushes the rope away with his foot. Benoit rolls through the Crossface and rolls Kurt up, putting his own feet on the ropes to steal the pin. He was still a tweener/heel at this point so it’s ok.

Rating: A. Oh come on it’s Benoit vs. Angle. Were you expecting anything less than this? This was a very fun match and some of the counters and thinking they were using out there was incredible, especially the ankle lock while in the Crossface. This was their usual masterpiece and somehow their match in January was even better which blows my mind every time I think about it.

Lesnar and Heyman say it’s been personal with Undertaker and it started when Taker tried to take the title from him in the first place.

Time for HLA! Fink: “Accompanied by THE LESBIANS”. And again, most lesbians do not look like this. The girls are about to kiss but Eric says he’s changed his mind. He brings out Stephanie who looks good here too. The song talking about her coming from the grime and grit takes away from it though. Bischoff implies a threesome with the two lesbians and the crowd is happy. Lawler is losing it. Stephanie has her jacket taken off and Eric says she should need a massage. The blonde goes to kiss Stephanie and Bischoff changes his mind again, sending the girls to the back.

Stephanie has to stay because Bischoff has a special lesbian in mind. He brings out “the fattest, ugliest, most repulsive I could find.” Lawler: “Not Rosie!” Ok point for a funny line. Here’s the chick and yeah it’s Rikishi in drag. You know, because Bischoff is so blind that he just didn’t notice right? The announcers don’t recognize him because good people in wrestling are idiots. Her name is Hildegard. I give up. She’s been in prison too. Can we just get to Bischoff’s Stinkface already?

By the way, this is what we mean when we say insulting to the fans’ intelligence. Stephanie kisses him hard and Bischoff freaks. Superkick to Bischoff and the makeup/prostheics/wig come off. There’s the Stinkface and oh good night he’s wearing a bra. We got Benoit vs. Angle cut off for this? Tell me, who finds this kind of stuff funny or witty? So let me get this straight: either Stephanie planned ALL of this (and to say that requires a lot of stretching is an understatement) or Bischoff is the stupidest man of all time. I’m going with somewhere in the middle.

Brock vs. Taker gets the music video treatment. Taker is Brock’s first challenger after Brock took the title from The Rock at Summerslam. Taker’s wife (Sara, not Michelle) got involved and Brock stalked her to make this personal. This included the worst chair shot ever as the chair might have come within a foot of Taker’s head It looked awful. The point of the video is Brock destroys legends and Taker has been around for ten years (12 at this point but with a company that put on that previous segment, counting might be a bit much to ask). At least the song is catchy.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock goes right up to Taker and Taker shoves him back. They exchange power displays to start and Taker wins early. Brock is hot on the floor after a headlock gets broken. They have a lot of time here. Taker busts out an armdrag of all things and they keep up their power match. Old School puts Brock down and Taker kicks Heyman off the apron, but it lets Brock get in a shot to shift momentum again. Not much to see here so far.

The champ hammers on the ribs and does it for awhile. Taker is wearing white socks which kind of takes away the intimidation factor. Powerslam gets two. It’s nice to see a power guy hitting a powerslam for a change. Brock puts on a waistlock and for some reason Taker tries it take it to the mat. Taker can’t get out of it and Brock is totally cool with having it be a wrestling match instead of a fight.

Taker sends him to the floor and starts hammering away and a right hand sends Brock outside. They head to the floor and Heyman distracts the referee so Lesnar can hit Taker with the belt. Taker is bleeding. Back inside, Taker fires back with the clothesline/splash in the corner. Heyman: “WATCH OUT!!!” Chokeslam is broken up but a big boot gets two. Snake Eyes set up another big boot for two.

There goes the referee because what would a main event be without a ref bump? Chokeslam hits but, say it with me, there’s no referee. Here’s Matt Hardy to jump Taker (he was working for Brock or against Taker or something at this point. Not that it’s explained or anything) and he takes a Last Ride. Spinebuster gets two for Brock as does a DDT for the challenger.

Tombstone is loaded up but Brock escapes and the referee goes down again. Heyman sends in a chair but Taker kicks Brock in the face to make him drop the chair. Brock gets his head caved in and the chair looked diseased. Brock is busted now and the referee is up now. Taker drops a leg for two and a big pop. Last Ride is countered as is the F5. They slug it out and the referee gets caught in the middle….and it’s a double DQ. Oh my goodness the fans aren’t happy.

Rating: D+. The ending crippled this as the fans were fired up by the match and then the ending crippled it. Taker allegedly didn’t want to job to Brock so he had to job to him at the next PPV inside the Cell in one of the most bloody and gruesome matches in there. This wasn’t horrible but man that ending sucked. Have Heyman cheat to win or something like that but dude, not that ending.

Post match they fight up the aisle and Brock is thrown through the Unforgiven sign to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Well Angle vs. Benoit is excellent and Edge vs. Guerrero is very good. That alone makes it a worthwhile show but other than that, there isn’t much to see. Nothing is all that horrible but the HLA stuff is dumb and the ending to the main event sucked. Good show overall but the ending huts it a lot.

Night Of Champions 2011
Date: September 18, 2011
Location: First Niagara Center, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

This show is an interesting one as you don’t really need much in terms of backstory for a lot of the matches. Most of them are there because we need title matches. However, the Raw title match is one of the least interesting feuds and title matches I’ve seen in a very long time. I just don’t care about why this match is taking place and there’s not much heat built up between the two guys. The main event is likely Punk vs. HHH with the Game’s job on the line. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about champions. Oh and HHH and Punk who aren’t champions but are going to be in the main event tonight.

I love those banners with the titles hanging from the ceiling by the entrance. They’re cool looking.

Tag Titles: Air Boom vs. Awesome Truth

Works for an opener. There’s some new referee and Kofi vs. Miz starts us off. Miz tries to be all aggressive but that’s not his thing at all. A big forearm puts him down and it’s off to Bourne. The champs are moving fast tonight. Off to Truth and everything breaks down. The champs hit stereo dives off the top to pop the crowd. That’s why you have high flying tag champions.

Back inside and it’s Bourne vs. Truth which didn’t go well for Mailbox Man on Friday. It’s time for Bourne to play face in peril and he does it well, getting double teamed by Miz and then getting taken down almost immediately after Miz breaks up a tag. Miz hammers away a bit but Bourne gets in a kick to the head after breaking a way too early Finale attempt.

Hot tag to Kofi who doesn’t resemble Robert Gibson but he cleans house anyway. Boom Drop is broken up by Truth but he gets sent to the floor quickly. SOS gets two on Miz. I’d like to see that move be brought back more often. Miz grabs a short DDT for two and there’s no referee because of Truth. Bourne makes a fake tag and tries Air Bourne but Miz moves. The idea is the referee is an idiot. DDT gets two on Bourne and there’s a blind tag by the challengers but THIS doesn’t count. Finale hits Bourne but Truth has the referee again. Miz is so ticked off that he shoves the referee and we’re done at 10:00.

Rating: C+. Fun match as they were all moving out there. I like the actual proof of the conspiracy and it might come back later on. Also it’s good to not give them the titles just yet as the champions need a bit more resume building stuff as they haven’t really beaten anyone yet other than the former Nexus team who got beat by Ryder and Lawler a few weeks ago. Fun opener.

Miz and Truth yell about the Conspiracy post match and down goes the referee.

Miz and Truth yell at Striker about the Conspiracy and threats against HHH are made. End of show shenanigans?

Intercontinental Title: Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase

This was set up quickly on Smackdown or maybe after it so it’s not like this means much. DiBiase shoves him to the corner and that gets him nowhere. A pair of kicks, one of the drop variety, gets a pair of two counts. After being slapped, DiBiase tries to channel his inner Austin with a Thesz Press and right hands but that just isn’t him. Back up and Ted is back down with the Beautiful Disaster.

Rhodes takes over with his basic strike stuff, working on the ribs and the face. Camel clutch goes to an abdominal stretch on the mat as I guess he’s working on the ribs, despite having a neckbreaker style finsiher. We get a test of strength of all things which doesn’t go to anyone in particular. Another dropkick by DiBiase misses and it’s back to the abs which doesn’t work as well this time.

A third version of it is back on the mat as Rhodes really likes DiBiase’s abs I guess. After a few more seconds it’s a spinebuster by DiBiase to plant Rhodes. There’s not much to say as the feud here is kind of vague and not really developed at all. The Beautiful Disaster Part 2 The Return/Revenge/other cliched sequel titles is countered by another dropkick (can DiBiase do anything else?) and they go to the corner. Rhodes uses the mask headbutt but is pulled back down and unmasked. He swings it at Cody but is caught in a rollup with tights for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: C. Not bad here but this should have been on Smackdown rather than a PPV. There’s no real reason to see these two fight but they’re trying at the same time I guess. DiBiase has nothing to do here and Rhodes is REALLY needing an opponent as the midcard face pool is pretty weak. Bryan is too big for it and that’s about it. Not good but it means he’ll have the title for awhile.

Here’s Christian to want ONE MORE MATCH and he wants it after Henry vs. Orton tonight. He makes fun of Buffalo for never winning a major sports title (heat as old as time) and then asks the fans to chant one more match. They actually do but here’s Sheamus. Christian is a weasel and here’s some more Irish jibber jabber. Sheamus says if Christian gets one more match, Sheamus wants the first shot. The fans chant one more match and Christian’s head winds up in the front row via a Brogue Kick. Simple but effective as usual.

US Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison vs. Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger

No tagging here thank goodness. They pair off but it’s down to Riley vs. Swagger quickly. Riley gets a Rock Bottom for two. It’s one of those matches where some people stay in the ring and others chill on the floor. Riley is knocked off the apron and may be injured. It’s Morrison vs. Swagger in the ring at the moment and scratch Morrison from that list. Now we get the potential Team Vickie showdown which Vickie is MAD about.

Swagger sends him to the floor and Riley isn’t hurt I guess as he comes back in and hits a TKO for two. Vickie breaks up the pin and Ziggler yells at her for it. Morrison hits that same kick that Cody uses for two. Fameasser gets two on Morrison. This is hard to keep track of. They’re sticking around with Morrison vs. Ziggler for awhile and Johnny is trying something to Dolph who is sitting on the top. Here’s your WHAT WAS THAT spot from Morrison.

He gets caught in the Tree of Woe with Ziggler sitting on the top. Riley goes up to try something on Dolph but Morrison does a power situp and Germans him off the top. Swagger comes in with a suplex and everyone is in now. Morrison hits the standing C4 for two on Riley. He loads up the Starship but Riley moves.

Swagger grabs the ankle lock on Riley but Ziggler has Morrison in the sleeper. Both holds are broken and Riley hits the inverted DDT on Swagger for a VERY close two. Jack grabs Riley’s ankle again and Riley takes a low blow. Morrison comes in but walks into the gutwrench powerbomb and Ziggler steals the pin to retain the title at 8:30.

Rating: B-. I liked this one as the false finishes were great. It’s pretty clear they’re setting up for the Swagger vs. Ziggler feud over whose double G’s are harder to pronounce. This was fine though and a good way to push Ziggler stronger as a heel who is stealing the title. I liked it and I’m not usually a fan of multi-man matches.

Henry says he has 15 years of hatred built up. I think he means cholesterol built up but whatever. He wants Josh to come out and interview him when he wins the title.

Vickie is happy and says she’s seen her future. Everyone wants to work for her and her talent has been recognized and things are about to happen. She wants to be the new COO if HHH loses.

Hell in a Cell is in two weeks. Give me a break.

Another Henry video which we’ve seen a dozen versions of over the last few weeks.

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. According to Booker the WCW Title and the WHC have the same lineage. Orton fires away at him and manages to get him down, setting up the Orton Stomp. The knee drop ticks Henry off but he jumps to the left (Time Warp?) and sends Henry to the floor where he’s all ticked off. Back in HENRY GOES GYMNAST with a big boot to the head. That was impressive.

Orton grabs a sleeper which wouldn’t be a bad idea IF EVERYONE DIDN’T USE IT ON BIG MEN. Naturally it doesn’t work here either and Orton is put on the top rope. Henry clocks him upside the head and Henry takes over on the floor. With Orton’s body wrapped around the post, Henry pulls back to injure the back and to draw a Gumby reference. I didn’t expect one of those but Cole played the Gumby card.

Henry stands on Orton’s back with no rope support. FREAKING OW MAN!!! The big splash only gets two and then another two off a not very serious cover. Henry is toying with him here but Orton gets up for a second. He’s not up for two seconds as Henry takes him down and chokes a bit. Orton hammers away with his two kinds of strikes. Henry takes him down but the second splash misses and here comes Randy.

Orton fires off a bunch of punches in the corner and Henry is in trouble. The clotheslines don’t work and Henry isn’t sure what to do. There’s a dropkick and Henry heads to the apron. He puts himself in elevated DDT position but Henry fires back with a headbutt. This has been good so far. There’s the World’s Strongest Slam for two and Henry is ticked off. Henry sets for a Vader Bomb but Orton moves.

He goes after the knee and hits a DDT to take Henry down. It’s RKO time but Henry rolls to the apron. This time the DDT works and I think the tides just shifted. It’s only two though because that’s not his finisher and Henry grabs the rope instead. Henry pulls a Bret Hart and plays possum so he can get a shot to the leg in and Orton is slowed down. Now he’s looking at him like a plate of shrimp puffs. Orton gets up and pulls himself up with Henry’s singlet and tries an RKO. That gets countered and the RKO makes Henry the champion at 13:11. It had to happen someday.

Rating: B. I can’t believe it but I’m ok with this. They built this guy up over the summer and then gave him the title. It’s about time as he was pushed for years on and off and just never got there. This is the right time though and we need some fresh heel blood on Smackdown. Good moment here and something that Henry deserves, which I can’t believe I’m saying but it’s true.

Henry says he’s never going to lose the title.

Del Rio isn’t happy with Johnny Ace about having to team with Ricardo on Monday but Ace says that it was HHH’s move. He wants more respect (Alberto) and Ace says he’ll get it. Team Mexico leaves and here’s Punk. Ace wishes him good luck and Punk turns that around, implying Ace means good luck in your future endeavors.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

The fans are totally behind Beth and the power is too much for Kelly to start us off. The fans say she sucks, and I’m sure she does. Kelly gets in a few shots but the power is still too much for her. There’s not much to say here as it’s almost all dominance. Kelly gets in a bulldog to break things up and is booed out of the building. Eve and Nattie get into it outside and Kelly is beaten down again.

Kelly grabs a small package (isn’t that how she got this job?) for two but the K2 is blocked and Beth takes her head off with a clothesline. Kelly is put on the top rope and gets killed by a superplex. Both chicks are down though as you would expect. That only gets two for Beth and it’s Glam Slam time. In the EXACT same finish from Summerslam, Kelly rolls through for the pin at 6:47. Give me a break.

Rating: C-. The superplex was awesome but the ending being EXACTLY the same thing as Summerslam makes it look pretty freaking stupid. Kelly getting booed out of the building on the pin is funny stuff and it’s definitely a good sign, even though it’s the hometown pop more than anything else. Not a good match but for the Divas it’s not all that bad.

We get a really good video package on the history of the WWE Title and all the champions (ok not all) over the years. Cool stuff.

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Del Rio isn’t in his car and is in blue tights. Cena has the car, appearing to be a Ferrari, much to Del Rio’s dismay. Alberto wants Ricardo to do his Big Match Intro as he wants the accent right. Cena does his own intro, adding in a bunch of nicknames like the Fighting Fruity Pebble and rubbing in that Del Rio thinks he’s better than everyone. Slow feeling out process to start without much happening for the first few minutes.

Ricardo trips Cena and is tossed out like an illegal Mexican alien. Del Rio gets a kick in to the ribs and works on the back. This is a rather boring match so far but maybe they’re going for the slow build. Del Rio works on the back with various offense and works on the back even more. The first almost eight minutes of this have been pretty basic but they’re going for a slow build…I think.

Cena gets in a shot to break up the momentum and is greeted with a You Can’t Wrestle chant. Double clothesline puts both guys down. Del Rio kicks away and puts Cena on the floor with a right hand. Johnny fires back for a bit but can’t get over Del Rio’s offense. Cena finally takes him down and starts up his ending sequence with the shoulders and You Can’t See Me but the AA doesn’t work that fast of course.

Del Rio counters with a backstabber of all things for two. The cross armbreaker is broken up and Cena gets a dropkick for two. Cena loads up the top rope legdrop but Alberto hits the running enziguri for two. This is getting better. Cena gets a boot up in the corner and tries the STF but can’t hook it. Tilt-a-whirl gets two for Del Rio. He puts Cena on the top rope and pulls him into the Tree of Woe. Alberto tries a spear but Cena sits up to send Del Rio’s shoulder into the post with a SICK crunch.

Now the top rope legdrop hits for two. Alberto gets out of the AA again and the Mexican hits a German on the American for two. Del Rio goes up and hits a senton backsplash for two and there’s the armbreaker but it’s not on full. Cena rolls over and pulls him up into a powerbomb sort of move for two. While we’re watching the replay Cena hits an AA and here’s Ricardo. Cena hooks the STF and I don’t think the knee bends that way. Alberto taps to give Cena title #948 at 18:37.

Rating: B. Well it got better as it went to say the least but Cena just wins the title again? It’s just kind of there and makes Alberto look weak, which he already did during the title reign. I mean, points for staying in the STF for that long but why did they change the title that fast? Oh, because we need a HIAC match for the title next month and Alberto wouldn’t be much in there. Good to see the calendar screwing over the booking again.

Cole’s voice is wearing out.

Now we recap the non-title match which is the main event of a show about titles. So there’s a huge ordeal about the text that someone might have sent and Nash wants Punk but Nash is fired and sent himself the text and it doesn’t make sense but I’m sure we’re supposed to keep watching or whatever. This takes awhile and if you don’t know it, go read my Raw recaps.

HHH vs. CM Punk

Punk has a shirt with a WWE Ice Cream Bar on it. I could really go for one of those. This is no DQ/no holds barred. Punk jumps him on the floor and the brawl starts out there. They go over to the table and the announcers aren’t sure if they’re on or not. Ok into the ring now and the banana trunk wearing Punk fires off some kicks, countered by good old right hands.

Pedigree is countered and HHH sends Punk to the floor. This has been mostly HHH but it’s definitely not domination. Cole is saying about one line a minute as his voice is gone. Back on the floor now with HHH sending the knee (not the side of the leg, the kneecap) into the post. Punk fires back, bouncing off the railing and hitting a knee to the head of HHH up against the post.

HHH is like PUNK YOU and throws him through the barricade out into the crowd. He’s all fired up and yelling about Stephanie. This brutality is working better than I thought it would. They fight deeper into the fans and Punk grabs a trashcan to throw at the Game’s head. They’re up by the stage now and HHH sends him chest first into the set. They go onto the stage but HHH can’t hook the Pedigree.

Punk throws him off the stage and dives down to drill him. This isn’t falls count anywhere I don’t think. Punk rams the head of the COO into the set and is in control. They’re back at the ring now and Punk pulls out a trashcan. He drops that and shifts to a chair instead, popping the Game in the back a few times for two. HHH grabs a spinebuster and sends Punk into the chair that Punk wedged between the top and middle ropes.

HHH clips Punk and then puts the legs around the post. He grabs the chair from earlier and slams it into the knee into the post. He’s cerebral here so taking out the knees takes away the kicks and the GTS. Punk channels the power of Chicago and sends him into the steps. This has been a solid brawl so far. HHH grabs a monitor but Punk kicks him with the good leg. I’ve never gotten how that works. Wouldn’t he want to stand on the good leg?

In the big spot of the match, HHH is put on the table and Punk drops the Macho elbow through the Game and the Dudleyville special, killing both guys. They both crawl back to the ring and we get a cool replay from the crowd so you only see Punk flying and not the impact on HHH. Lawler: “That was Savage.”

Both guys get back in the ring and Miz/Truth come out to beat down both guys. SWEET! We’re actually getting some stuff from earlier in the show playing through to the end! They lay out both guys and put Punk’s arm on HHH but it only gets two. It’s No DQ so this is fine. Awesome Truth calls Conspiracy on the count and takes down that annoying referee Scott Armstrong. Get out of the ring and take your hitched count with you!

Here’s Johnny Ace who waves down someone but Punk is back up. He takes down Truth (sending him to the floor and right onto Armstrong) but walks into a Pedigree…with no referee. Ace tries to get a referee in but the guy is out. A second referee is here checking on Armstrong but HHH walks into the GTS. Now the referee is back in (thanks to Ace) but Truth breaks up the pin. GTS to Truth as this is getting awesome. Scratch that, it’s been awesome (truthfully).

Punk tries his springboard clothesline but jumps into a Pedigree….FOR TWO. I would have bet on that being the finish. And of course here’s Nash through the crowd. Good thing the camera was waiting on him to come in. He takes out both guys but is beating on the Game more than on Punk. He sets for the Jackknife but Punk saves HHH. Now he (Punk) takes the Jackknife but Nash drills HHH on the floor. He loads up the announce table but HHH is up with a sledgehammer to take Nash out. Back in now and ANOTHER Pedigree finally ends this at 24:09.

Rating: B+. This was one of those matches that was so insane but for the most part it made sense. Miz and Truth coming in is a great thing and I don’t think anyone really thought Punk was going to win at the end of the day. I liked it and the kickout of the Pedigree shocked me. The whole thing was a fun brawl on top of that and the ending wasn’t exactly what I was expecting (the buildup to it, not the ending itself) and it was great all around. Very good stuff.

Overall Rating: B+. Pretty entertaining show overall with the big match being great and a nice surprise in Henry winning (what am I saying???) plus good stuff with Alberto vs. Cena, odd booking aside. The Conspiracy is a nice touch and the whole thing worked pretty well I though. I had fun with this show and I wasn’t really looking forward to it otherwise. Good stuff here and a fun PPV.

Results
Air Boom b. Awesome Truth via DQ when Miz shoved the refereeing
Cody Rhodes b. Ted DiBiase – Rollup
Dolph Ziggler b. John Morrison, Alex Riley and Jack Swagger – Pinned Morrison after a powerbomb from Swagger
Mark Henry b. Randy Orton – World’s Strongest Slam
Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix – Victory Roll
John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – STF
HHH b. CM Punk – Pedigree

Night of Champions 2009
Date: July 26, 2009
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,774
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

So what we have here is Night of Champions where everything on the roster is for a title. Literally, every match is a title match. I think I like that actually. Sure it’s a gimmick show, but at the same time that’s all you need at times. We’ve got a Mania 24 rematch and Punk vs. Hardy for the respective titles. This has been recently dubbed the 5th big one of the year, so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about as basic as you could imagine as almost everything is about being a champion. Why mess with something that simple? It focuses on the two main matches as you would also expect. Norcal was at this show so expect a few lines about him here and there.

Unified Tag Titles: Legacy vs. Chris Jericho/???

So Edge snapped his ankle and has no partner, meaning anyone that’s paid attention for the past few months knows who this is going to be. We get the video of Edge’s injury saying he’ll come back and take care of Jericho. That’s going to be an awesome feud. And it’s the Big Show. No one got this and the rumor was they picked him seconds before with the video being shown to buy them some more time.

There are cool banners with pictures of the belts hanging from them. It looks sweet. Rhodes and Show start us off. Show just beats the heck out of both guys as you would expect. You could bet on Jerishow retaining here even from the perspective of watching it live. In a nice move, Legacy hits a tandem chop block and clothesline. Not bad at all. Rhodes whispers something into the ear of Jericho but he does it just subtly enough that unless you knew to look for it you wouldn’t notice it. Well done.

Rhodes busts out a nice moonsault to Jericho. He’s underrated in the ring as his offense keeps changing up. The problem with this match becomes apparent quickly: Jericho and Show are the default faces even though they’re supposed to be the heels. We hit insane mode and Show puts down both guys and after a Codebreaker, the Colossal Clutch ends it.

Rating: C+. It was fine. That’s the only thing I can think of to say for this one. It was designed to be a pure squash for the new champions to get them over and that’s exactly what it did. Rather boring match but it served its purpose very well.

We go to the back to CM Punk, and it’s promo time. This is the promo that made CM Punk to a lot of people and I remember wanting to jump up and cheer at it. He talks about how the parents letting their children support Jeff Hardy and his drug addicted lifestyle and how eventually they start doing as Jeff does: smoking, drinking, drugs etc., and it all started because the parents wouldn’t take responsibility for their kids. The fans cheering for everything that he lists off is great as this was the perfect crowd to do this in front of.

ECW Title: Tommy Dreamer vs. Christian

Dreamer in ECW wearing the ECW Title is perfect to say the least. And WWE can’t have that, so they have him come out second and have the king of the smarks Christian come out second so that he gets a much bigger pop than Dreamer who has earned 30 seconds of glory. As you know, Christian wins here, which is also ridiculous as it wouldn’t have killed them to do this at TV.

Seriously, let Dreamer have his moment in ECW in Philly. Striker points out that the ECW Title has changed hands a lot in Philly. Thanks for that. I never would have guessed on that one. I love that running rolling flip that Dreamer does. You can see there’s a fairly big lack of psychology here as they’re just kind of walking through spots with little flow to it at all. We hit a sleeper already which isn’t a good sign.

More or less Dreamer is using nothing but jobber offense and signature spots. To be fair though you could argue that those are one in the same. Dreamer hooks a Texas Cloverleaf of all things. We hit an always fun pinfall reversal sequence. They trade finishing holds that are countered until Christian hits the Killswitch for the pin and the championship.

Rating: D+. While I hate Dreamer losing the belt in Philly, he got about two months with it so I can’t argue much on that. Christian has held the belt since this match. That being said, this just wasn’t that good. Dreamer simply isn’t that good in the ring but if nothing else this was just a nostalgic reign for Dreamer so that’s all well and good.

Ad for Summerslam.

Jerishow say they’re going to dominate. Cookie cutter promo if there has ever been one.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. The Miz vs. Primo vs. MVP

Swagger does a little dance on the way to the ring. More or less it was a given that someone was going to take the title from Kofi here. I think Carlito’s mustache has its own population. Miz gets a NICE pop. Primo is replacing Big Show who was supposed to be in here. And there are no tags here. That rarely makes things any better or easier to call at all. Hey, did you know Kofi doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title?

I didn’t know if it was made clear that Kofi doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title. I want to make it clear that Kofi doesn’t have to be pinned to lose his title. It’s just a massive mess as everyone is trying to get a spot in there where they can. Also there are a lot of guys randomly staying on the floor for long periods of time. They mess up a save spot as Swagger hits Primo for the save about 5 seconds after Miz kicked out.

The Puerto Ricans are exploding here as they don’t like each other even though no one cares at all. Swagger and MVP are having the same angle that MVP and Miz are having now. No one is in the ring at the moment. Kofi’s movement is amazing to say the least and there’s the incredibly named Boom Drop. They do a Tower of Doom spot with Miz taking the most damage.

The crowd is dead here in case you were wondering. Miz is unceremoniously dumped to the floor. Is there a ceremonious way to do that? Everyone gets a quick rollup or pin and it gets some applause if nothing else. In a cool and actual believable spot, Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale at the same time on MVP as he hits the Playmaker on Swagger. Kofi hits Trouble In Paradise on Carlito for the pin and the very surprising retain.

Rating: C-. I hate matches like these, I truly do. They’re just disasters to have one guy get a fluke pin and overcome a bunch of odds when in reality all it does is disguise the fact that there is no story or effort being put in here and it’s just a massive mess. Kofi winning was a nice surprise though.

Randy Orton says he’ll prove himself tonight. He reminds me of Lex Luthor from Smallville.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

This is a rematch from The Bash which was brought on by some bad acting. Michelle’s bra is sticking WAY out here. Melina gyrates like no one I’ve ever seen. Michelle is the first person to use her freaking brain and kicks Melina on her splits intro. And there’s your first botch as they mess up an arm drag. We get some kicks that don’t actually connect as I have a bad feeling about this match.

We hit the floor and are told that a slam of the face into the barricade is a DDT. Riiiiiiiight. Melina is laying on the apron and in a coole counter she pulls up onto the bottom rope to avoid a baseball slide. They’re hitting hard but at the same time, they’re botching the heck out of so many things. Michelle reverses a rollup into a rollup for the pin. At least it was short.

Rating: D. They were trying but this was just a mess and a half. They were botching stuff left and right with there being little flow or psychology at all. Michelle has gotten better which to be fair she couldn’t have gotten much worse. This was really bad.

What in the heck is the point of McCool’s song? You’re not enough for me? That makes no sense.

Cena is here.

There was a tournament where the winner got Orton at NOC. More or less it was a way to have HHH vs. Cena on free TV and I won’t even go into how stupid that is. Legacy ran in for the double DQ so they made it a triple threat, which had been done before but no one cared. The video was as simple as you could ask for.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH vs. Randy Orton

Cena of course gets a mixed reaction. HHH gets a very face reaction and of course Orton gets a very heel reaction. Vince must already be coming over just the entrances. We’re at 5 minutes for intros and Orton hasn’t come out yet. This could be an all night thing. And now we sit and wait on Orton. I guess Vince wanted a show. They say this was a great Wrestlemania main event.

Not only was it not a main event, but it was far from great. Orton doesn’t have to be pinned or tap out to lose the title. The ridiculousness of triple threats is never lost on me. Big match intros mean that it’s been 13 and a half minutes since the last match ended and the beginning of this. Good to see they’re keeping this thing moving. The faces double up on Orton to keep things moving quickly I guess.

Orton of course winds up in trouble as you would expect. The other thing I hate about these are how formula based they are. Why does one guy always wind up down on the floor only to show up just in time to make a save? I don’t get it at all. Cena does that top rope leg drop to both guys and it more or less completely misses. Philly really doesn’t like Cena at all.

Orton gets put to the floor with another completely ridiculous spot and it’s HHH and Cena again. Hmm I believe I called this coming no? It’s boo/yay time as they oversell punches to no end. Why would anyone duck their head against HHH? How stupid do you really have to be? Cena takes the Pedigree and in a STUNNING, yes STUNNING I say, turn of events, Orton makes the last second save. We’re in the crowd now. Oh never mind only Orton is.

The STFU is on HHH on the table, making it completely pointless. Cena gets the STFU on HHH again but in the ring this time. There’s zero drama at all here as it’s clear the match won’t end here. Cena dodges the punt (even though the kicking motion is more like a place kick) and rolls up Orton for two. That could have been a believable ending actually. Somehow Orton makes the Garvin Stomp more boring. How in the world is that possible?

And now the fans are chanting for Orton. It’s a very interesting sign that Orton is so hated that the fans would rather have Cena as champion again. HHH hooks a Sharpshooter because he’s HHH and can do whatever he wants to I guess. Cena adds a Crossface at the same time and Orton taps.

Let the nonsense begin. Legacy runs in for the beatdown as I wonder why Rhodes can’t wear sleeves. And Orton hits the RKO on Cena for the pin to retain. Yep, after tapping like that he keeps the belt. That’s not stupid at all.

Rating: D+. I hated this. Even Cole has disgust in his voice and I can’t blame him. No one wanted to watch Orton other than Vince so he can stare at his glistening body. Even Philly was cheering for Cena. What does that tell you? This was idiotic to say the least and the match sucked on top of that. Actually let me revise that. The match was ok, but the formula was idiotic. Cena and Orton began their ridiculous feud the next month at Summerslam.

Maryse is stretching for obvious reasons. That and her mustache must equal talent right? Miz hits on her and it fails.

Shaq is guest host tomorrow.

Chilli from TLC is here. No one cares.

Raw Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Maryse

Make it quick please. Yeah as looks go, Mickie is way ahead of Maryse. The fans want puppies. And people wonder why this division is never taken seriously. The match is your standard slapfest of course. Maryse tries to use her perfume or whatever but gets stopped.

We’re in our second rest hold six minutes into the match. This just isn’t interesting at all. Cole almost says the name of the wrong title. There is simply no need to have two belts. If you had just one it could potentially work. Mickie hits her jumping DDT to get the title to next to no reaction.

Rating: D. People don’t care about women’s wrestling and that’s really all there is to it. It’s not nice but it’s true. This just wasn’t interesting at all. The buildup was Mickie has beaten the jobbers this month so she gets the title shot because she’s on a roll. That’s it. I’m looking forward to Michelle vs. Mickie as there’s an actual story to it. This didn’t and it was painfully obvious.

Legacy says they’re cementing their legacy.

We recap Mysterio vs. Ziggler which more or less is Ziggler has been winning a lot but doesn’t get the belt. This is his chance.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

People kept talking about the potential that Dolph had but I’ve just never seen it. These fans seem to think that everything is boring and it’s getting on my nerves very quickly. This is seemingly going to be a rather long match with Ziggler getting to show off. That’s a good sign if nothing else. He’s showing some solid offense and he looks completely calm doing it. Also getting in some little plays to the crowd which is always a nice perk.

This was what the title needed: big names defending it and guys having longer solid matches for it. For years it was the wrestlers’ title and that’s what they tried to make it again which I would say was a success. As expected, Dolph dominates for most of the match but makes one minor mistake, in this case going for one too many moves and here comes the masked man. And then of course the 619 and the springboard splash ends it.

Rating: B. This was very fine indeed. They got to beat on each other for awhile and it did a few things. First of all it let Ziggler look good. He got to show off against a huge star in Mysterio. Second they had a great match that made the belt look good. Both guys came out of this looking great and that’s all you can ask for.

Ad for the tag team DVD which I’m about halfway though and need to finish up.

We recap Punk vs. Hardy, which started at Extreme Rules where Punk used the MITB case to get the belt then slowly turned heel. That led us here.

Smackdown World Title: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

They really push the whole lifestyle thing here which is the smartest thing that they can do. They’re starting with a fast paced match that’s working rather well. These two had some great matches over the year and this was certainly one of them. Punk is so perfect as a heel and it’s working like a charm here. They’re going with high spots here which is something that Punk can do very well.

This wasn’t going to get a lot of time as it started at about 10:40, so the max was about 20 minutes. Oy it’s that referee with the hitch in his counts. This match felt like it didn’t have a beginning and we’re already at the end which isn’t good really, although the match is fine. We get a Dragon Sleeper of all things. Punk goes into that striking sequence he uses and Hardy ducks before hitting an RKO which is called a Twist of Fate here. Yeah that was dumb.

GTS hits and if the referee wasn’t incompetent, Punk would have won. Punk tries to leave and our hero doesn’t like that. In a rather anti-climactic moment he hits his usual finishing pair of moves and he gets his third world title. The celebration ends the show.

Rating: B-. I do not agree with the booking here at all. I was skeptical about the grade here but Ross saying let the Hardy Party begin sealed it. I don’t get Punk losing at all after the promo from earlier, but that’s life I guess as we can’t send kids home sad or they might only get three t-shirts this year instead of four. Either way this was pretty good although like I said it felt rushed which is because the show was running a bit low on time. I get why they cut it short. Still good though.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a pretty good show but not great. I really didn’t like the triple threat but I’d chalk that one up to a personal bias more than anything else. Other than that, the non-Diva matches were more or less all good which is all you can ask for. There’s nothing that jumps off the page as awesome, but at times you don’t need there to be. This was good enough for a watch but it’s not something you’ll want to see again. Check it out if you’re bored.

Summerslam 2011
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

It’s the biggest party of the summer. Wait that was another ad campaign. It’s Summerfest! No wait that’s a Piven botch. It’s Punk vs. Cena II. Well actually more like their 8^th match but the second PPV main event. Seriously that’s the extent of the hype for this show. There’s also Christian vs. Orton V or whatever but that’s really minor by comparison. There’s also a mini concert because those have worked oh so well before right? Let’s get to it.

The guitarist from Tool plays a rock version of the Star Spangled Banner. He’s no Man Mountain Rock.

The opening video is about how we’re in LA and LA is awesome. This is like the 4^th year in a row it’s been in LA. Might be three but still that’s a ton. There’s another video about how there’s a domino effect in the Punk vs. Cena war. That Bright Lights Bigger City song is growing on me a bit.

Here’s Miz to open the show and he’ll be in a six man tag. He first has something to say. Why am I not surprised? He says he’s returned to Summerslam and wants to thank the fans for insisting he competes tonight. Miz is cut off by Truth who talks about spiders. They start with the letter S, as does Summerslam. Singing also starts with an S and Cee Lo Green is singing tonight. You know what else starts with a C? CONSPIRACY!!! Del Rio cuts him off to save our sanity.

The Miz/Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio/John Morrison

Well they had to fill in the card with something. Del Rio gets a face reaction from the Hispanic heavy crowd. Kofi has white shorts now. Morrison, the hometown boy, gets NOTHING. We get a recap of Rey getting jumped by Miz on Monday. The rest of the feuds I think you know. The bell rings almost 15 minutes into the show. Miz vs. Kofi to start us off. There’s a Miz is Awesome chant.

Big monkey flip and a dropkick put Miz down. Off to Morrison and we get double flapjacks/double nipups. Nice fast paced stuff to start so far. Off to Truth vs. Morrison and Truth isn’t afraid anymore. There’s the springboard spin kick (Moonlight Drive I think? It’s the same one Cody uses for the most part) but it only gets two. The heels cheat (EVIL!) and send Morrison to the floor to shift momentum.

Off to Miz who hooks a chinlock which eats up some time. Morrison fights out of it with something resembling a Pele kick (ala AJ) and it’s warm tag Kofi. That cross body is SWEET. Miz takes him down and every heel not named Alberto works him over. Time for Kofi to imitate a long haired blonde guy from the 80s who thought he could sing named Morton for a good while.

We’re just waiting on the hot tag to Rey at this point. And yep there it is. The seated kick to Truth gets two. 619 is broken up and a second is as well. Rey makes up for that by hitting one to Truth and Miz at the same time. Everything breaks down and the faces all start diving like a broke boxer in Vegas. The ring is cleared and Rey hits the top rope splash on Truth for the pin at 9:30.

Rating: B-. Solid opener here which was very fast paced. That’s exactly what the opening match is supposed to be. You had to get a bunch of these guys on the show somehow and this is as good a way as any. I like these random tag matches because you combine feuds and manage to get a fun match too. Not everything needs to have some epic backstory to it to be a good match and this is proof of it. Good stuff.

Johnny Ace demands a public apology from Punk for getting kicked in the head. Well Ace is certainly annoying already so he’s doing his job. Punk mockingly apologizes and Ace leaves. Punk turns around and there’s the still hot Stephanie. She says HHH, Cena and Vince have all wished him good luck. He kind of says she’s brainless and she offers him a handshake anyway. “I would but I know where that hand has been.”

Recap of Henry vs. Sheamus which is basically about Sheamus being the only guy willing to fight Henry. That’s still a cool moment.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

I can’t imagine this going long. Sheamus gets in a few shots early on but then the beating begins. Henry hammers on Sheamus and we head to the floor where Henry gorilla presses Sheamus into the ring through the top and middle ropes. That was kind of awesome. Splash gets two. There’s a backbreaker and now an over the shoulder body vice.

The pale one fights out of it and manages to take Henry down for a moment. Emphasis on the moment aspect though as Henry takes him down again. The Vader Bomb misses though and Sheamus starts his comeback. A flying axehandle puts him on the mat and Sheamus starts dropping some knees. He fires off the forearms to the chest when Henry is caught in the ropes.

Sheamus hits the ropes and they collide, sending both guys down for a few seconds. The Irishman hits a top rope shoulder block for two. The cord is of course hot here because it’s LA and it’s a wrestling town. Sheamus pounds his chest but the Brogue Kick misses. Henry tries the World’s Strongest Slam but Sheamus counters and the Brogue Kick sends Henry to the floor. He’s out cold and dead weight now. Naturally since Sheamus is a face now he goes after him and is rammed back first into the post and then through the barricade which explodes. It’s a countout win by Henry at 9:20.

Rating: C. Well it’s Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. What were you expecting here other than power vs. power? This could probably lead to a gimmick match down the line which I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing. They backed themselves into a corner with the booking here though and it was pretty obvious that they weren’t going to do a clean ending here, which is understandable.

Christian is in the back with a big smile on his face. He has an insurance policy and the entire WWE is the beneficiary. Anything goes and we’re in LA, which means the match is going to be like a summer blockbuster like Harry Potter. Well that’s better than a Buff Blockbuster I guess. Oh Christian is Potter while Orton is Cowboys and Alience. I haven’t seen that yet so I can’t make a joke there.

Ad for some movie.

Time to kill off any momentum we had built up in the first 45 minutes with a performance by Cee Lo Green. Since one song wasn’t enough, here’s another with some dancing Divas. Well we’ve just lost 5 minutes of my life.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

Eve and Nattie are here as seconds. Kelly looking good in the tiny white shorts and Beth in the blue skirt thing. Kelly uses speed to take over and does her gymnastics stuff. I can’t complain about an upskirt shot of Beth. Kelly dives off the middle rope to the floor. That looked decent. Beth remembers that she’s Beth Phoenix and she’s fighting Kelly Kelly so she gets a gorilla hot shot for two. Booker and Jerry as for a wardrobe malfunction. Off to a chinlock as Cole says he’s turned off by Kelly over some photoshopping thing.

Beth hooks an over the shoulder backbreaker but Kelly escapes into a neckbreaker for two. Kelly gets put in the Tree of Woe but escapes via gymnastics. This is kind of stop and go match. Kelly gets all fired up and slams Beth’s head into the mat a few times to come back. She looks spent though. Handspring elbow is caught into the Glam Slam and Kelly rolls through for the pin at 6:20. Yes, that just happened totally clean.

Rating: C+. Given what I was expecting, this was a miracle. It’s nothing great or anything but they tried out there. It’s pretty easily Kelly’s best match ever and that’s not covering a lot but they worked hard and it came off pretty well. I totally don’t get the ending but the plastic chick going over in Hollywood makes sense.

Stephanie comes out of Cena’s locker room.

Jimmy freaking Hart of all people is with R-Truth and says he needs a manager. Truth realizes something: JIMMY IS LITTLE! HE’S LITTLE JIMMY!!! Truth scares him off and talks about the conspiracy, yelling at Ron Artest and his daughter who are just chilling in the back for no apparent reason.

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

Mat stuff to start with Barrett in control. Booker talks about Bryan having his lunch today. We had breakfast talk on Friday and now this? Jerry calls Barrett a carnivore which is a decent enough line. SICK looking arm hold into a pin attempt by Bryan. Cole is way off tonight, calling Barrett the submission specialist and thinking Bryan was the carnivore Jerry was talking about.

Cross body gets two for Bryan. There’s a dragon screw legwhip which has Dusty Rhodes freaking out I’m sure. Running dropkick in the corner gets two and it’s surfboard time. Here come the kicks as Bryan channels his inner Rockette. Barrett gets a shot in and takes over again. This has been a match of varying streaks which is usually a formula for good stuff.

Barrett gets a slingshot (thing Blanchard) backbreaker for two and it’s off to a chinlock. The British dude keeps expanding his arsenal with a flying forearm for two. Oh and Bryan has a much shorter haircut now. Barrett gets sent to the floor with a dropkick and a running knee square to the head. That looked SICK. Back inside now and the pumphandle slam is countered into more kicks. Bryan is speeding things up and taking over now.

HARD kicks to the chest but Barrett won’t go down. Ok a big one to the head puts him down. I think he kicked the British out of him. Now Barrett takes over again and loads up Wasteland but Bryan elbows out of it and throws on the guillotine. That doesn’t work and it’s off to the LeBell Lock but Barrett makes the rope. I thought that was the end. This is getting some time too. They go up to the corner and Bryan gets crotched. Barrett gets a middle rope lariat to the crotched Bryan and now he loads Wasteland, which is enough for the clean pin at 11:45.

Rating: B. Match of the night here by far and it was good stuff. They went back and forth hard here and it let both guys showcase themselves really well. Bryan losing here is ok because he didn’t look bad at all. You can lose and not look bad and this is a great example of that. Good match here and I was way into it near the end.

The California National Guard is here.

We recap Christian vs. Orton. Basically Christian played up Orton’s anger management and got him to snap long enough to lose the title at Money in the Bank. Tonight it’s no holds barred. And remember Christian has promised a surprise insurance policy.

The champ comes out first which is odd. He has a mic and says he’s a man of his words. The insurance policy…..IS EDGE???? His haircut is a little weird but he looks about the same. A bit skinnier though which is expected. If I didn’t have to hit the gym every day I certainly wouldn’t.

Edge says that he’ll never be able to wrestle again but he was happy when he left because he was able to pass the torch to Christian. He thought the first defense against Orton was unfair but then Christian started complaining a lot. Christian did win the title back but he did it by disqualification. Edge did a lot of weak things but he did it with style and was never boring.

He didn’t hide behind suits and clipboards. No Edge you hid behind Vickie. Somewhere along the lines Christian became a disgrace to himself. Christian knows he’s better than that but now he’s just a whiner. With that, Edge leaves to a nice ovation. And heeeeeeeeere’s Randy!

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton

No holds barred remember. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Opening slugout is won by Orton and he hammers the Canadian down in the corner. Christian gets that reverse guillotine thing of his and a jumping back elbow (love that move) gets two. Back body drop sets up the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for two. They have a ton of time here.

The psychology is working here because they’ve had like 5 matches beforehand to get each others’ moves down, meaning the counters make a lot more sense. Elevated DDT is blocked into a backdrop to the floor. Orton loads up the table but the RKO is counter. Christian grabs the belt and heads into the crowd. The GM computer is there but it hasn’t been used in weeks.

Orton catches him in the crowd and hammers away. Back to ringside now and Christian finds a kendo stick to pound on Orton. He chokes away and shouts a lot and gets two. Christian charges at him in the corner and gets rolled up into a VERY close two count. Spinebuster gets two for the champion. Orton fires off a dropkick to block a kendo stick shot from the middle rope.

Randy is bleeding from the mouth a bit. He starts his finishing sequence and there’s the powerslam. Now he’s got the stick but Christian gets his feet up to break that up. Middle rope dropkick is countered into a jackknife cover for two for Randy. Thesz Press takes Christian down but Christian counters into the Killswitch. That is countered into the backbreaker for two.

Orton grabs some tables from under the ring but Christian spears him into the railing. Cole recaps the show in case someone is flipping through the PPV channels and wants to see if they’re watching the right show they bought I suppose. There’s a table set up at ringside and one in the ring not set up. Orton superplexes Christian onto the unset table but might have hut his tailbone. It only gets two anyway.

The table is already broken but Orton puts it in the corner anyway. Yes slap a cracked table with some of the legs already broken. Nothing could go wrong with that idea. Christian counters the toss into it and hits the reverse DDT. He loads up the spear but Orton jumps over him. RKO is countered and we go back to the floor. Christian goes into the steps and does a nice flip over them.

Now Christian puts Orton’s head into the steps so Randy is going to take a little nap now. Edge’s former brother but now his best friend for life because kayfabe is more powerful than blood drills him with the monitor and I think he says RKO. Christian tries an RKO but Randy has fought the Undertaker a few times so he counters into the RKO of his own and both guys are down.

The fans say this is awesome and they’re getting there. Back in the ring and Orton tries another RKO but Christian counters into the Killswitch for a LONG two. The fans thought it was over. The Spanish announcers are trying to get back on the air which is a funny visual. Christian has a chair now and make it a pair of them. It’s Conchairto time but Christian spits on Orton and takes FOREVER, allowing Orton to get up and crack Christian with the chair. The Canadian goes to the apron and a running shot to the head sends Christian through the table.

Orton still isn’t done as he throws everything he’s got under the ring. There are steps, kendo sticks, garbage cans and the table that is still up in the corner. Christian is on the steps trying to get a breather. Orton puts his foot on the champ’s head and tries a stomp but Christian moves. Powerslam puts Christian through the very end of the table, meaning the rest of it is still standing.

Now it’s stick time and Christian’s back takes a shot. The stick is already bent after two shots. There’s an elevated DDT onto the can. It feels like they’re just killing time for some reason. Orton goes into RKO mode onto the steps but Christian finds a kendo stick from somewhere. He tries to go off the ropes but jumps into an RKO on the steps, giving Orton his 9^th world title at 24:36.

Rating: B+. Definitely a good match but they’ve had a better one, probably at Over the Limit. The beating was really good and the ending was SICK. Christian was defeated here and that’s what he needed to have done. They’ll probably have one more blowoff match, hopefully in the Cell which is where this feud could go. After that one though, I don’t know if there’s a point. Still though, very good match that didn’t feel like it was 25 minutes, which is a good thing.

Video about Axxeess while they clear out the ring. There’s a lot of anti-bullying stuff there too. There are some uh….celebrities here I guess they’re called.

Stephanie is talking to HHH but we can’t hear what’s being said.

We recap Punk vs. Cena in the same video we’ve seen three or four times already. I think you get the idea of this already.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

HHH is guest referee and it’s champion vs. champion. This show has been very good so far but if this match is as good as it could be, it hits great. Cult of Personality is a sweet song. We go way old school with a weapons check. Punk is far more popular than Cena. Feeling out process to start. The jean shorts are officially classic. The dueling chants begin and it’s totally domianted by Cena Sucks.

The feeling out process continues and John takes Punk to the mat almost in an amateur style. Now the fans think someone can’t wrestle. This has nearly 40 minutes if need be so they can build very slowly. Cena grabs a chinlock but Punk grabs one of his own including a body vice. Booker is complaining about the technical stuff. Release fisherman’s suplex gets two for John.

We’re seven minutes into this and there hasn’t been anything big yet. Then again it’s not even 10:30 so it’s not like they have to get going immediately. Punk in control and he drops a headbutt and it’s back to the bodyvice. HHH has been pretty inconsequential so far. Cena tries the STF but Punk kicks him off. The crowd is all over Cena tonight. Dropkick knocks Cena off the apron.

Back inside and Punk gets in some kicks to the ribs. There’s an Earthquake for two. Cena fights up but gets caught with a running knee to the head with him against the ropes. He falls onto the mat and fights up into You Can’t See Me. Cena tries the STF but Punk counters into the hold called the Anaconda Vice (Koji Clutch) which is countered into a modified STF. Cole sounds bored out of his mind on the hold.

Punk counters into the real Anaconda Vice (called a keylock) but Cena counters into a Crossface (called a front facelock or something) but Punk gets a rope. Suicide dive takes both guys out. HHH starts the count and both guys are down at 9. Thankfully he stops the count and goes to get them, drawing a round of applause. He throws both guys back in and says let’s go.

Both guys get up and it’s time for the slugout. Cena grabs an AA attempt but Punk escapes, only to get taken down by a SWEET dropkick. There’s the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a sunset flip which is countered into a jackknife cover which is countered into a backslide which is countered into a bridge and a kick to the head for two. AWESOME sequence!

GTS is countered and Cena hits a corner splash. Sitout powerslam gets two as this is getting awesome very quickly. Punk breaks up the top rope Fameasser with a running knee to the head (very popular move anymore) and a bulldog gets two. Punk tries the springboard clothesline but Cena counters into the STF but Punk grabs a rope. The fans are into it but they’re waiting on the HHH stuff I think.

AA is countered into the GTS which is countered into the AA for two. Cena complains to HHH but HHH says it was two. Cena goes up and gets HUGE air on the Fameasser but misses, crashing into the mat and possibly hurting his leg. GTS gets two and Punk is stunned. Punk goes up but is very tired. With a point to the air he drops an elbow for two. That made me smile. Punk’s face is great as he’s shocked.

There’s a Randy Savage chant which is the right idea. Cena grabs a rollup for two and Cena is all fired up. He punches away but Punk grabs a kick to the ribs and another knee to the head. GTS (hit the arm) gets three but Cena’s foot is on the rope. Chant with me: DUSTY FINISH! The pin went down at 24:30.

Rating: A+. It’s not as good as MITB but to call this less than a perfect grade would be unfair. They beat the tar out of each other and had some incredible chemistry as always. These two just have it and there’s no way to teach that. It worked perfectly and the whole thing was great. Cena was all over the place here, trying to prove how well he could work and that’s what he did here. Great match but great in a different way than last month, which is a good thing.

Punk is all happy post match but won’t shake HHH’s hand. HHH holds the arm up and leaves. Of all people KEVIN NASH is in the ring and beats up Punk, leaving him laying with a Jackknife. IT’S ALBERTO!!!

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Running enziguri and Del Rio is champion!!!!!!! He celebrates and we’re done. WOW.

Overall Rating: A+. I liked it better than MITB I think and that’s saying a whole lot. There isn’t a single bad match on the whole card as even the Divas were impressive. Great show here with a great pair of main events to end it. This has been an AWESOME summer and a lot of it has been spearheaded by Punk and hopefully it’s not going to end. The ending is great as we have questions, a great match and a new champion. Definitely worth seeing and it’s great for different reasons than MITB, which is a great sign. Great show and the best two show streak for WWE in years.

Results

Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth/The Miz – Top Rope Splash to R-Truth

Mark Henry b. Sheamus via countout

Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix – Victory Roll

Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan – Wasteland

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO onto the steps

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk – Running enziguri

Summerslam 2010
Date: August 15, 2010
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Matt Striker, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Well we’re back again for the *insert Summerfest joke here* show. This is the epitome of a one match show as EVERYTHING has been about the Nexus invasion. The theory is that Cena turns tonight but I’m not sold on it. Nexus more or less has to win tonight or the angle is worthless. I’m not sold on this card very well at all, but it’s starting now so let’s get to it.

The opening is of course all about Nexus, which makes sense. The arena and set look great as this really is a huge show.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

Pretty clear that Dolph retains here. Vickie does her usual whining and catchphrase here just to be annoying. Nice pop for Kofi but nothing great. We’re in MALTA BABY! Kofi misses a dive to start and is in trouble early on. Apparently the tag titles either aren’t major titles or his win is forgotten into the Rocker Tag Title Book of History. King makes a joke about liking 11s or 12s. On a 1-10 scale you freaking perverts.

Dolph is mostly dominant here as he hooks a chinlock. Kofi can’t get the “controlled frenzy” going according to Cole. Does everything have to have a name now? Dolph gets two on a roll thru of a cross body. We get a Fameasser reference from Striker as it makes Kofi famous. Even Lawler chuckles at it. He’s more energetic tonight for some reason. Trouble in Paradise misses, which might be because OF THE MASSIVE CHANTING OF BOOM BOOM BOOM by Kofi.

Sleeper goes on….AND HERE THEY COME? Yes, Nexus hits the ring and beats them up before circling Kofi. The big beatdown follows as I have a bad feeling about where this show is going. Barrett says this is a preview of later tonight. Expect a Kofi run-in later. Nexus is united apparently.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match for what they had, but the ending is very strange. This wasn’t bad, but with no ending like this it really hurt things. I really do expect the Cena turn now for some reason, which is why it likely won’t happen. Anyway, this needed a finish to be good but even still it’s decent.

Jericho wants Miz on the team tonight and so does Edge. Edge eating a Slim Jim is epic for no reason at all. They say he could be a huge star but doesn’t say yes.

Alicia Fox vs. Melina

Well at least this should be short. Melina has a freaking headdress on and she looks like a freaking idiot. Fox is attractive with straight hair. Shame that’s not the case here. Melina is in the skin colored tights which are always weird looking. Melina is the hometown girl so she’s all awesome and such apparently. Yep this is boring. It’s not bad, but seriously does ANYONE care about this match?

Still waiting on something to happen here. Melina might have hurt her knee on a move from the ropes. Alicia of course does nothing about it. Nice superkick by Melina. This is just boring me to death but Melina’s gyrations are helping a bit. That girl could make a KILLING as a stripper. After FAR too long, Melina wins with more or less a weird snapmare. Apparently it’s called the Mind Trip. Ok then.

After the win, cue Laycool to annoy Melina. They say this is awesome and want to take a picture with “two champions” in it so hopefully this will lead to a unification thing soon. Brawl ensues and the worst kick every by Michelle misses by at least 8 inches. Laycool’s music continues to be awesome. Michelle does a knee into the tables to put down Melina for a good while.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. The ending came out of nowhere but thankfully it ended a bad match. I’m very glad to see that there might be a unification soon, but will anyone care even after that? It’s definitely the right move but with people like Fox chasing it then the whole thing is in trouble. Not a good match.

After a quick recap of the SES vs. Show, we go to this.

Straightedge Society vs. Big Show

How appropriate to have this after that video package. It’s Mercury, Punk and Gallows. Show dominates Mercury and Gallows in about a minute to get us to Punk, who gets face cheers. Oh and Show’s hand is fine. Gallows and Mercury get back up and the 3-1 beatdown begins.

Show comes back of course as it occurs to me that Punk has the most hair of anyone out there. Punk goes for the springboard clothesline and gets caught by the throat. He kicks Show in the head which was cool looking. Cole calls a bulldog a DDT because he’s a stupid man. Punk does a bunch of strikes to the hand and it just ticks Show off. Punk gets knocked to the floor and leaves. Mercury gets chokeslammed and pinned while on top of Gallows. Here lies the SES.

Rating: D+. Pretty weak here as more or less we knew it was just going to be Show winning in the end due to his huge size advantage. This was an ok match and the ending advances the story, but dang man why do they have to crush the SES again? For once could they actually let something go on for more than a month without crippling it?

Kane talks to the casket and Sheamus of all people comes up, saying he’d like to borrow the casket to put Orton in. Kane says no. Sheamus says stay out of his way and Kane yells at him. Odd moment but cool potential.

And here’s Miz. The Raw title match is next so he has a reason to be here. He wants to know if he should be on the team. The fans cheer but he doesn’t care what they think. Allegedly Hart and Cena begged for him to be on the team. He talks about every person on the team and how they’ve all done things to get him on the team. Awesome promo but he wants the fans to admit it. After a HUGE delay, he says yes he’ll be on the team. Cole orgasms loudly.

We recap Orton vs. Sheamus, which isn’t much at all. Orton won a match and now he’s the number one contender. The hype for this has more or less not existed.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Orton is in purple and Sheamus is in green, making this just freaking weird looking. Sheamus powers him back to start which is odd since he’s kind of quietly powerful. Slow start here which should be a good sign but I’m not sure here. They tease a countout and Orton is dominating which is a weird formula for a match.

This is just boring as they’re going WAY too slow. Orton’s arm gets worked on and the elevated DDT is reversed into a backdrop. Sheamus is in control and not much is going on. He hits basic moves and covers. This is apparently the main event and it started about 5 minutes after 9. He gets technical with a drop toehold to put Orton down.

Sheamus likes to use a double axehandle which is kind of a cool move for him to use. More people should use it. When I say more I mean like one total. Sheamus at least works on the arm which is the right idea if nothing else. Orton gets the backbreaker as this is just DRAGGING. The boo/yay cheers start up for punching. Orton does his usual array of clotheslines as I fight off sleep due to this.

Middle rope suplex gets two for the guy with non-mayonnaise colored skin. Sheamus hits his backbreaker for two which of course Cole is surprised by when the kickout happens. Brogue Kick misses though and Sheamus hits the floor. There’s the DDT but the RKO is countered which surprised me. He shoved him off and it legit looks like he hit it from both angles. Clearly countered though which was cool.

High Cross and RKO are both countered but Orton walks into the Brogue Kick for two as the fans are into this now. That’s the issue with WWE Title matches: you don’t have to get into them for a long time and everyone knows it so for the first ten minutes no one cares. Sheamus gets a chair and shoves the referee out for the CHEAP DQ.

Rating: D+. Oh this was bad. The ending crippled the actually solid last 5 minutes or so as the rest of this was just flat out boring. The slow style of both guys crippled each other and the ending had me shaking my head at how freaking dumb it was. I don’t get this at all as if nothing else have Sheamus get the chair shot and win that way but dang man, this was freaking stupid.

Post match Orton snaps and hits the RKO on the table. Good for him. Table didn’t break so at least it looked good. Sheamus is announced as still champion which should make us wait for either HHH or Miz’s theme music. Naturally we get the Legendary trailer.

We recap the way overdone Rey vs. Kane issue, which comes down to one thing: how would Rey know who did it? This took almost five minutes.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Kane brings the casket with him. Striker even throws out a quick summary of the Taker/Kane childhood which you NEVER hear anymore. Kane goes right for him and gets kicked in the knee. They talk about the keys to victory and King says that Rey’s potential innocence should help him win. Uh, what? Striker thinks this is speed vs. power. You can’t buy commentary like this people!

Kane takes over and we slow it down again. He gets a baseball slide which is cool looking. Can you imagine Kane playing baseball? That’s just funny for some reason. 619 is blocked and Kane takes his head off with a clothesline. We’re clearly just filling in time until the finish. It’s been mostly Kane here and as soon as I say that Kane goes into the post. Rey hits a flying battering ram move but Kane takes over AGAIN with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, a cool move.

Cole likes to talk about people being in the box. Kane wants the referee to ASK HIM. He’s been chilling with Jericho I guess. Top rope rana is blocked and Rey’s knee might be hurt. Wait wasn’t his ankle hurt on Smackdown? Springboard Splash misses so Rey just kicks Kane in the head. Well that works if nothing else. After more uneventful stuff, the 619 is blocked and Rey gets thrown into the casket.

The casket is closed and you know Taker will be in it soon. Chokeslam is blocked and 619 hits. Rey gets two off a counter to a counter to the springboard splash as the end is clearly near. Chokeslam hits to retain THANK GOODNESS!

Rating: C-. Better than the last match as at least this had an ending. It was still boring but Kane winning clean is a nice perk. You know it’ll wind up being Kane vs. Taker but Kane getting a clean win like this is good for him because he flat out needs them for some credibility. Not horrible but I’ve seen worse.

Post match Kane says he’s going to put Rey in the casket and opens it, showing that it’s empty. Two chokeslams and a tombstone (sick one too) and of course Taker is in the casket. He goes for Rey and asks if he’s heard of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? Taker asks him why he did it but Rey insists it wasn’t him. Hand around throat and the throat slit sign but he turns to Kane. Kane breaks Taker’s grip and tombstones him, leaving him laying. These guys are on and off more than all the high school relationships in history. Yep Kane is the heel again.

Ad for Smackdown on Sci-Fi.

Clips of Summerslam Axxess which looks awesome.

Recap of Nexus vs. Cena’s Army. If you don’t know this by now, go read the Raw recaps since I’m sick of this story.

Nexus vs. R-Truth/Edge/Chris Jericho/Miz/John Cena/Bret Hart/John Morrison

Remember that this is elimination. This should go for a LONG time. New shirt for Cena. Miz comes out last and Cena has something to say. Cena has a replacement, and it’s DANIEL BRYAN. The really weird thing here is that there was an article up on WWE.com where it spoiled this half an hour before it happened. That’s very freaky and I can’t imagine the speech he got because of it.

Nexus vs. R-Truth/Edge/Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan/John Cena/Bret Hart/John Morrison

BIG brawl to start as Cole runs down Bryan every second because he has to. The official starters are Bryan and Young. This should be quick. Hey I’m right as Bryan gets a crossface and Young is out in like 30 seconds. That evens things out since Hart is more or less worthless. Gabriel and Jericho are in now and don’t expect every tag to be mentioned since it’s going to be very fast paced.

Tarver comes in and throws a lot of punches. Morrison gets a nice pop as the hometown boy. Flash Kick and Starship Pain put Tarver down to make it 7-5. He landed on his back this time so we’ll call that a success. Barrett wants a huddle. Sheffield comes in and boxes with Morrison kind of as Nexus takes over. The fans want Bret as it’s all Sheffield. Morrison makes a comeback but walks into a kick by Gabriel and the clothesline from Sheffield to make it 6-5.

Sheffield hits Truth in like 30 seconds to tie it up. Jericho comes in and gets beaten down. Why do they keep calling them Team WWE? Nexus is in WWE officially right? Jericho vs. Barrett is an interesting match actually. Bret and Slater come in as Cena hasn’t been in yet, which is rather interesting. Bret does basic stuff and gets the Sharpshooter but there’s a chair in. Sheffield gets the tag and Bret pops him with the chair for reasons of basic stupidity. That’s the best way to get rid of him since he can’t take a power move due to his health so there isn’t another way to do it really.

As a recap it’s Cena/Edge/Jericho/Bryan vs. Sheffield/Barrett/Slater/Otunga/Gabriel. Sheffield gets up and walks into the Codebreaker. Spear ties us up at 4. Gabriel gets a SICK spin kick on Edge. The kick itself was just ok but the impact looked great. Barrett and Edge slow us down a bit. Edge gets a spinwheel kick which is one of his old moves. I haven’t seen him use that in forever.

Otunga comes in and is booed out of the building. Edge hits the Edgecution and gets a face pop for it. Not sure whether it’s for Edge or against Otunga but whatever. Edge gets the tag but STILL no Cena. This is certainly compelling. Lionsault hits and Striker says HE HIT IT! Jericho loses the Walls for a bit but Otunga eventually taps to get us to 4-3 Team Cena. Jericho is wrestling like Lionheart here and a BIG Y2J chant starts. I still want a Jericho face title run.

And he runs into Cena, resulting in Slater hitting his Zig Zag for the tie. Cena and Edge both want in and Edge yells while Bryan plays peacemaker. Slater runs Edge into Cena and rolls him up to get Jericho and Edge in less than a minute. Edge and Jericho beat up Cena before leaving. Jericho: YOU’RE A STUPID MAN! Cena/Bryan vs. Slater/Barrett/Gabriel. Cena is finally in now and gets his head kicked in.

Very good match so far as Nexus has looked STRONG. Cena can’t get anything going and Cole will not shut up about Bryan. Gabriel gets a DDT on Cena that looked good. Everyone beats on Cena and as I say that we get a double clothesline. Bryan comes in and cleans house, using a freaking big boot. Striker wants Cattle Mutilation. Where’s PETA when you need them?

Cena is down on the floor which makes me wonder where this is going. Cena as heel vs. Bryan as face? After a lot of GOOD stuff from Bryan he gets Slater to tap. And cue Miz with the briefcase to blast Bryan and make it 2-1 with Barrett/Gabriel vs. Cena. Cena is more or less dead though despite not being beaten down past anything overly special. He goes into the ending sequence though after a missed Gabriel splash in the corner.

FU doesn’t work as Gabriel makes the tag and Nexus takes over again. It’s a massive beatdown here as Cena has NOTHING. The two guys pull the mats on the floor back and Barrett hits a DDT on the exposed concrete. Gabriel gets tagged in and the 450 MISSES! Cena rolls up Gabriel and instantly gets the STFU on Barrett for the TAP AND THE WIN!

Rating: B+. This was very good. They booked it perfectly, including the ending. As I said in the LD, Cena moved, covered, did a drop toehold, laid on Barrett’s back and pulled. THAT’S IT. That’s how he beat them both. He wasn’t doing an FU to both guys after escaping their finishers and hitting 4 shoulder blocks each. He outmoved them and it worked fine. Nexus looked solid out there and the whole thing looked fine. This was a good match and well done. It certainly wasn’t bad and is nowhere near what people are making it out to be. I loved this and it made the show for the most part.

Overall Rating: B. This was a good show, but it’s a kind that would need a footnote. This is the definition of a one match show. I don’t mean one match is great and the rest suck. I mean this was built around one single match and nothing else on the card mattered at all. Other than the 7 on 7 match, what else was hyped at all?

Luckily, that match was very good and hit on all cylinders. The rest of the card is ok, but it could have been better. The Orton/Sheamus ending was just bad. Kane overpowering Taker is interesting as it actually gives us some intrigue. This was a good show overall, powered mainly by the main event’s success. Not worth seeing much other than the main, but that’s expected with a show like this.

So there you have it: The History of Summerslam. For 23 years the show has served as the second biggest show of the year and I’d say it hasn’t disappointed very often. There have been some bad ones, but there’s also been some great ones. It’s a great pairing to go with Mania as it’s about 4 months later and things have changed a decent amount in between.

Complete with the Survivor Series and the Rumble, you could almost see this as the beginning of the WWE year. Think about it. Of the four major shows, Mania is the end of the year, so this could be the beginning as Backlash is usually the epilogue with the Mania rematches. This is the first big show of the year, so it’s a big benchmark if you look at it that way. I’ll be back with Survivor Series starting around Halloween, so until then…..um….dang I need a catchphrase.

I’ll be back tomorrow with this year’s show hopefully as soon as it ends.  Thanks for reading.

Summerslam 2009
Date: August 23, 2009
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,129
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

With another year under our belts since the previous Summerslam, our main feuds are Cena and Orton and Punk (woo!) and Hardy. As many of you may likely know, this very well could be Hardy’s last match with the company. Our other big deal is the return (again) of DX, this time facing Legacy.

While a lot of people have criticized this, the segment that they had on Raw was excellent in my eyes. Shawn is a guy that can just come from nowhere and have a great match. The card actually looks pretty freaking sweet tonight. That doesn’t mean it’ll be good, but let’s get to this.

I liked the Summerslam logo this year. It looked a bit old school. The intro is hijacked by DX doing shadow puppets, but they freeze it on Legacy. Apparently this was the kiss cam and Cody loves Ted. Ted says ditto. So he loves himself I guess?

Anyway, they have some shenanigans going on which are kind of funny. I like the DX comedy sometimes. It’s not going to be the 90s version, so why compare it to that? It was fairly funny, involving DX breaking the feed of the intro and Shawn trying to fix it. It’s better than it sounds.

JR does the opening alone. That’s just odd. I like Aerosmith though so I’m not complaining about the music. As has become the custom, no buildup for the first match.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

I’m quite surprised this is opening. This is a rematch from NOC as well, which allegedly was brought on by Rey simply whining about not having a long enough reign yet. Based on that, I think the title change is coming here but odder things have happened before. They had a great match last month so I’m assuming this will be good too. Ziggler is growing on me, but I have a hard time getting on Kerwin White.

Rey comes out first. Why? He’s the champion. Now we get Grisham to talk so that’s an improvement I guess. I like the purple and gold on him. It’s almost reminiscent of his WCW days but not quite. I miss the big semi-circle video screen that they used to have for Summerslam. Ross forgot Ziggler’s first name. How dare he forget the real name of Ivan Drago? Ziggler’s music is awesome. How did Kerwin White actually keep a job this long?

Just goes to show you that you can’t make fun of wrestlers when they have horrible gimmicks. Other than Santino of course. He will always suck. The graphic of the belt looks very cool for some reason. Wow the IC belt is actually opening the show. That’s an odd thing to think of. Ziggler is freaking ripped. I’m getting close, dangerously close actually, to liking this guy.

Love that quick powerslam that’s done coming off of the ropes. It just looks awesome. Ok, that moonsault was SWEET. Rey doesn’t do his old style often, but when he does it’s freaking amazing. Ziggler has leopard print gloves. That’s either really stupid or really awesome. That was a pretty weak corner powerbomb. I guess Rey’s size makes up for it. This has been pretty hard hitting so far. What more can you ask for?

Apparently Rey makes a habit out of getting people in the corner and drop toe holding them. Yeah I’ve never seen him do that in the corner either. Thank you JR. Dolph just kills him with a clothesline afterwards. That looked awesome. He used a Stinger Splash. He has to be cool. Sick looking head bump on the post from it too. Rey goes for a springboard reverse crossbody but Dolph hits a perfect dropkick to the ribs. That was sweet.

This is a very good match. And there it is. We have our stupid way to get into position for the 619. My only criticism of Dolph is his offense is a bit basic. If he upgrades that he’ll be very good. He’s rocking the bad Mr. Perfect haircut though, so I’m not wild about that either. I kind of like the white ropes, but I’m not sure.

Ziggler finally avoids the springboard splash in the most basic way of all: he sits up. Why is that so complicated for some people? The fans are chanting for Ziggler here, which is surprising but also good I guess. Rey gets a hurricanrana from the top to win and keep the title in a very good match.

Rating: A-. This was a GREAT opener. It was fast paced, it was solid, and the face won. I’m hyped for the rest of the show and it’s 330 in the morning. That’s exactly what an opening match is supposed to be. See how effective the IC belt can be when it’s not being used in bad comedy angles? Ziggler looks awesome here which is all you can ask for. See what they do on Smackdown? They have the veterans make the young guys look good. That’s how you keep the future going people.

Josh is in the back with Swagger and MVP who say that tonight there’s a culture clash. Both are solid on the mic here, but Swagger impresses me a lot more. He’s got the heel character down to a T and the cockiness is perfect. MVP is good, but not as good. Also, he talks about how Swagger has this great background and was a rich kid. Ok, that’s fine, but he still won with athleticism in the NCAA. Swagger won this promo war with ease and he’s making the DDP two time two time thing better.

King and Lawler say nothing of importance.

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

My goodness…could it be? I mean, it’s impossible isn’t it? This couldn’t be…a regular non-title midcard match? I…I think it is! Now, can you find anyone that actually thinks MVP has a chance? His face turn has been a complete disaster as he’s just cut out to be the cocky heel. Go back to it already. After those promos, I’m looking forward to this. The opening 25 minutes to this has been pretty sweet so far.

MVP goes for the Ballin Elbow about 19 seconds into this, but because it takes longer than that to set it up, it doesn’t work. I don’t get why these two are having this match anyway, since Swagger pinned him clean already on Raw. This is a very slow paced match and the fans aren’t liking it that much. They’re way behind the face though as he’s in the Monsoon Special, which I’m sure Gorilla would find something wrong with.

Looking at it, it is pretty sloppy. Sick clothesline stops MVP’s comeback though. Into a half camel clutch which wouldn’t actually hurt but now it’s full. At least Swagger knows how to hurt people. Ok, Swagger gets knocked down and MVP sets up for the Ballin Elbow. I timed him on this: SIXTEEN SECONDS from the time that he got in position to the time it connected. That’s over 5 pins. Seriously, could you not just cover the guy in that amount of time?

They fight a bit more…and MVP wins clean with the playmaker? What the heck? MVP actually won this thing and he did it clean. How in the world did that happen? I’m genuinely surprised by that, and I don’t think it’s in a good way. AGAIN they mention the chick from The View. WE GET IT!

Rating: C. This was fine, but short and surprising. It certainly wasn’t bad, but at just 6 and a half minutes they didn’t have the time to get anything going. There were some bad spots in there too where it was just flat out boring, but luckily they were quick. Again, not bad, but it’s really nothing special. It felt like a Raw match.

Don’t try this at home. Good advice actually.

Luke Perry is here. I don’t care.

We get a recap of the guest hosting thing, which I think has gone well. ZZ Top was awful but other than that, I think it’s gone well. I still want to murder Dr. Ken though. It’s worked for one simple reason in my eyes: for the most part, they’ve gotten people that either have a ton of charisma or seem like legit WWE fans. That’s all you can ask for really.

Nancy O’Dell reads off a script about her charity. Yeah that’s fine. It’s for ALS, aka Lou Gehrig’s Disease. She talks to people like Freddie Prinze Jr…and that’s it. She’s apparently going to host Raw in the future. I’ll be reading something that night. She’s very annoying.

Tag Titles: Big Show/Jericho vs. Cryme Tyme

Speaking of annoying, I don’t like the champion’s new music. This has actually been built up pretty well I’d think, with Show being the partner to replace Edge when he got hurt. It seemed to me that was a last second decision, but whatever. Cryme Tyme is one of the oddest teams I can ever remember. They’ve never actually done anything, so maybe they will here. I’m not holding my breath though.

Actually, this match has gotten the third most build, which isn’t what I expected. However, I’m certainly glad to see a tag title match getting this kind of TV time. It’s what the belts really need. Again the champions come out first. Jericho runs down celebrities in general. Isn’t he a celebrity as well? Oh apparently he’s a superstar, which isn’t a celebrity. That…doesn’t make a lot of sense.

For the second time in 2 minutes we hear that they have over 40 titles between them. Show looks like he’s losing a bit of weight. That’s a good thing. Cryme Tyme interrupts Show’s promo. Remember what I said about the show being good so far? They just ruined it. They’re just freaking annoying to say the least. What have they ever actually accomplished? Oh yeah they got fired for being annoying.

JR makes another reference that no one gets. There’s no way that the faces are winning here, due to reasons of suck, but maybe at least we can get a decent match out of it. Yeah that’s not going to happen I don’t think. Jericho goes for the walls but instead goes for a slingshot. JTG just kind of jumps on him, which looks sloppy and stupid as usual. Grisham says that they’re trying to turn Hollywood into Holly-hood. Take me now.

JTG has to stay in there longer than he should simply because Shad sucks. He’s a beast as far as his look goes though, and he’s able to stand up to Show in the size department. Yeah he’s a lot better on defense. Show is freaking scary to say the least. Jericho whispers a spot to Shad which looks really bad. It’s never good when it’s on a major PPV and a veteran has to carry a team that’s been around as long as Cryme Tyme has been.

I think that’s my real issue with them: they’ve been around for a good few years and they just never get any better. The full nelson is applied, and of course we have the eternal question: WHO WAS NELSON? Maybe Babyface Nelson? Anybody? Anybody? I’ll be here all night. Jericho puts another hold on him, which makes sense because it’s really all Shad can do: get put in holds and sit there. It’s a scary thing when JTG is the bright spot of the team. Yeah this team is awful.

Jericho gets him in the Walls, and amazingly, he doesn’t tap. Seriously, can they bury this move any more than they already have? It’s just stupid how it doesn’t work on anyone at all anymore. When’s the last time someone tapped to it? Anyway, Show hits the punch for the knockout and Jericho gets the glory.

I’m really starting to like this team dynamic as Jericho does all the talking but Show wins the matches for them. At the very end of the segment, Ross mentions Big Show is undefeated at Summerslam. See, that is an interesting stat, and it would have been a lot more interesting at the beginning of the match.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was boring. Shad is just flat out awful, and JTG is just ok. The only reason they get over is their gimmick and nothing more. That’s just flat out boring in all aspects and nothing good comes of it. I can’t stand them and there was just nothing they could do here to make this interesting at all.

Ad for Breaking Point. Interesting concept, but I’m not sold on it. The main events only thing makes me feel better though.

Josh is with Punk who says a movie script he found called the Jeff Hardy story. He runs down LA and the lifestyle there and elsewhere, which yet again, rings amazingly true on so many levels. Every single thing that Punk has said in his promos has been true, and it’s amazing to say the least.

Kane vs. Great Khali

Again, no transition at all. I like Kane’s music here. Once Kane is in the ring, we actually get a long recap, which could have gone…I don’t know, before his entrance so it’s not him just standing there in the ring? This is an intriguing match to me as they’ve had a fairly long build with no official match. That’s a nice plus for a change as it gives this a bit more of a build. Now, if they manage to have a passable match, then we have proof that HBK/God vs. the McMahons was indeed a tag team match.

The reveal of Singh as Khali’s brother was pretty boring but it gives it a bit of a reason for being around Khali so much. Hopefully, this will be short and painless, but I’m not betting on that. JR mentions that Kane is on a four match winning streak at Summerslam. See? That’s another interesting stat and it makes you wonder if he can extend it here tonight. It’s small, but it adds a tiny bit more to the match and might get people more interested in it.

That’s what a commentator is supposed to do: offer insight. When you watch a DVD and listen to a special commentary, you’re listening for insights, maybe some numbers or stories that you wouldn’t know otherwise. That’s what wrestling commentators are supposed to do, but it so rarely happens which is a shame. JR says it’s a bowling shoe match, meaning we’re sorry that this is going to suck so badly.

A lot of this is just Khali showing off how strong he is, which is fine I guess, but I’d like more action. Khali misses a bad looking legdrop and then just sits there. He doesn’t sell anything or anything like that, but just sits there for the low dropkick. Kane apparently sees evil and likes it. I guess that’s why See No Evil sucked: Kane just wasn’t motivated. They fight over their respective chokeslams but that goes nowhere. Oh this is bad. It’s just so freaking sloppy.

To be fair though, what do you expect from two monsters like these? Khali with a sick sounding chop. The top rope clothesline puts Khali down and gets two. He doesn’t really kick out but it’s implied his shoulder was up. JR brings up an interesting point: if Khali quit in his language, would the referee understand it? Amazingly, the Khali chop isn’t enough for a pin. Geez Khali’s hands are freaking massive.

Kane hits a running dropkick to the knee and a running DDT for the win. That finish was kind of awesome actually. I love that Kane didn’t use a bad chokeslam to win it. That’s what I want to see more of in the WWE today: wrestlers winning with moves other than their finishers. It’s not really that hard to do and it works very well I think. Do it more often.

Rating: D+. Oy this was bad indeed. It was very sloppy, but the ending made it a lot better. Also, it was less than 6 minutes. See, that’s intelligent booking. You know these two aren’t going to have a great match, so keep it short. That makes a lot of sense and it made things a lot better than they could have been.

Some hot woman from a talk show is here. Slash is here too, so it’s closer to making me care. Robert Patrick is here.

We hit the recap button on DX vs. Legacy. This one is pretty short. HHH kept getting his head kicked in by them so he said he’d make one phone call. It wound up being about three but he eventually found Shawn as a cook in a diner in San Antonio, in what I thought was a very funny segment. This was followed up by Legacy actually beating them down in a run in on Raw a few days prior to this which at least made this look possible.

Oddly, the stuff about him being a cook is completely omitted from the recap video. What we do get though is a bunch of clips from some of their old exploits which have absolutely nothing to do with this feud or match. For some reason people were hoping that X-Pac or someone like that would return. People, the old DX is dead. All you’re going to get is these two buffoons, so be happy with it and let go of the past already.

Also, this really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. They’re going to have decent matches and it’s going to help Legacy look legit if they win a single match, which is a good thing. DX can do whatever they like out there and they’re going to get cheered. What else can you ask for out of them really? It’s HHH against someone not named Orton. Be happy.

DX vs. Legacy

Now this is for some reason considered one of the main events. Why? What makes this one of the big matches? Yes, Shawn is back, but when HHH returned against Booker in 2007 it was a midcard match and that was fine. I get that it’s the third biggest match by default, but that doesn’t mean it should be. I’d put the tag titles above this as they’ve had far more build, but whatever. Anyway, let’s get to this.

Ok, I’ve heard great things about the DX intro, and I’ll admit, it was awesome. Basically, it’s an army theme with a bunch of troops coming out in a jeep and firing off guns. Then the stage splits apart and DX comes out on a tank, launching of a bunch of fireworks. The fans are WAY into it and it’s cool. Everything is loud and big here and the crowd is screaming. That’s what you’re looking for here. The fans are the most important thing at the end of the day and they’re loving this.

Screw the people that think the return of DX was stupid. It’s cool and it’s working. The glow sticks are a cool idea too and I’m surprised it took this long for them to be invented. It takes about 5 minutes, but so what? The reaction was awesome, so rock on. Legacy is the evil opponent here, but they have some sweet music. It’s not as great as their 39th song, but it’s better than theme 341B. The announcers point out that this is a huge chance for Legacy and they’re absolutely right.

DX is a team of two hall of fame members, and Legacy are young guys. This is their chance, so hopefully they don’t get crushed. Naturally, HHH starts going strong which makes sense as he’s the face, so why wouldn’t he be in control at first? Oh apparently the right knee of HHH is his vintage knee. That’s good to know. Shawn gets tagged in to a big pop. Apparently the fans think something of this guy.

He does a cool spot where he fakes Cody out when Cody goes for a leapfrog but Shawn gets slapped. That was stupid don’t you think? There’s the return slap that you knew was coming. Legacy is controlling the match. That’s a lot more than I expected them to do actually. HHH is in now and not dominating. This is being worked slowly towards a big ending. That’s a truly lost art in tag team wrestling today.

I’m liking this: DX gets momentum and Legacy keeps stopping them. See, this is how you build a tag team: you let them look good. That’s what veterans are supposed to do: make young guys look good. DiBiase uses a chin lock. Good to see those Orton lessons paying off. It amuses me that as a tag team, Legacy is light years more successful than DX has been. Legacy is I think 3 time tag champions?

DX has definitely never won a tag title. What does that tell you? Lawler says this isn’t what DX had in mind. Yeah they were looking for some Chinese Checkers. Legacy is doing a great job here of keeping HHH in the ring. That’s very old school and it’s working quite well here. We get the boo yay punching sequence which I always kind of hate. Shawn gets the tag in. Cody goes for the Shawn elbow, which apparently is him stealing the move.

I love how they make no issue of Shawn stealing it from Savage who was winning world titles with it before Shawn debuted in the WWF. DX is actually in trouble here and the announcers are putting them over huge, which is all you can ask for. The crowd starts wooing as Shawn puts on a figure four. Cody hits Crossroads on Shawn, which is actually a pretty good name for his finishing move I guess. Rhodes takes a Pedigree as Shawn takes Dream Street.

Dang I actually couldn’t tell Legacy apart there. That’s not a good sign at all. In one of the fastest endings I’ve ever seen, Shawn hits Sweet at least 4 inches from Cody’s Chin Music for the pin. Yeah that wasn’t even close. Literally they were both just standing up and leaning on each other then Shawn took a step back and kicked. Yeah he missed but maybe the air knocked Cody down?

Rating: A. This was a great tag team match for many reasons, but the big one was that Legacy was made to look legit. This wasn’t like when DX dismantled the Spirit Squad week in and week out. Legacy had me believing that the upset was indeed possible. DX made them look good here in a very good 20 minute match. DX should have won, but they won the right way here. That was by far Legacy’s biggest and best match ever, and they brought their best. I’m impressed with both teams.

Ad for the WM 25 special on Saturday which is going to bomb.

ECW Title: Christian vs. William Regal

Not a ton of backstory here. One night on the Abraham Washington Show, a talk show segment on ECW, Regal was simply announced as the #1 contender. 5 days prior to this, he hooked up with Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson to form a trio with the only real thing in common being that they’re heels. This should be ok I guess. I still have no clue what the massive appeal of Christian is, although he’s had some decent matches lately.

I feel so sorry for the ECW announcers. Literally, we haven’t heard their voices until now, an hour and 40 minutes into the show. Also, yet again the champion comes out first. That’s just odd. Regal comes out with his two big henchmen.

Jackson’s heel turn was just odd as he was a face for all of two weeks and he was never an actual face at that. All that being said, it’s a 10 second match. Regal gets hit with the Killswitch and is out. Jackson and Kozlov are you beaters tonight. I prefer the Weasleys, but that’s just me. They half kill him here as the name Regal’s Roundtable is used. I like that…kind of.

Rating: N/A. Regal doesn’t belong on a major show like this, so I have no issues here at all. I’ve heard a lot of people complaining about how this was a disgrace and what not like that. Bull, this was great. Number one, the exact same thing happened last year as the ECW Title match got 33 seconds. Number two, this got the people’s attention and it made them believe that a match could end at any time.

That’s one of the major evils in WWE right now: there’s no point to watch the first 10-15 minutes of a world title match as it’s always going to go longer than that. Here you have a match where if you turn around to pet your cat the match is over. That’s brilliant. Number three, there was no build at all here. This gives you something to further the angle so you can have a rematch next month. Number four, people are talking about this now.

Isn’t that the point of any match? Number five, EVERYONE knew Christian was retaining here. How awesome does this make him look as champion? He beat an established veteran that fast with one move. This was a stroke of genius, not a disgrace.

They air some video about some F list celebrities and a charity event the roster was at. I won’t make fun of charity events, ever.

Let’s thank Aerosmith for our pointless theme song.

We get something resembling a recap of last Monday where they were tag partners. Cole says that Orton showed his true colors by attacking Orton after the match. EXCUSE ME? HE IS A FREAKING HEEL! HE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN THE TEAM IN THE FIRST PLACE! How is he showing his true colors by doing what he’s done the whole time? My goodness Cole does it cost you money to think or something?

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Well, at least it’s not HHH again. Basically, it’s pretty simple. Cena won the beat the clock thing to get here, and no one is surprised at all. In a rematch from two years ago, let’s do this. Cena runs to the ring which is kind of odd indeed. He gives his hat to his Marine co-star. Great way to get over with the kids there Johnny Boy. Orton comes out to a chorus of mostly boos. Why does the title graphic spin when the belt itself doesn’t?

My goodness I love the big fight introductions. They just work on all levels. After those, we get our recaps. Yeah that’s actually a bit better. It doesn’t waste as much time. They start off on the mat which actually goes pretty well. That’s something you rarely see from these two and while they’re hardly Kurt Angle, that was pretty good. Orton puts Cena down for awhile and when Cena is trying to get back up, it really looks like he’s trying to give Orton head through the tights.

I know that’s said a lot, but this is the closest it’s ever gotten. Orton takes FOREVER to drop a knee which looks like he’s going for a splash. It’s a new move, so of course it’s vintage. I have no problem when it’s actually a vintage move: HBK’s forearm, the facebuster by HHH, Old School etc. However, a move by Orton that he’s bene using for a few months at most? Give me a break. It’s a misuse of the word and insulting to my intelligence.

Cena hits You Can’t See Me, even though I can see him the entire time. This match is FLYING by. It feels like there was no intro or build and we’re already in the middle of it. That’s not good. FU doesn’t go and Orton hits a powerslam, called a scoop slam by Cole, to get back in control. They flat out say the WWE Title is the more valuable title. At least they admit it. Orton goes for the same knee and this time Cena gets out of the way. At least he’s intelligent.

I really don’t like this referee. He has that hitch in his count and it’s just aggravating. Orton hits that elevated DDT which I love as it’s a move that the ropes actually make better. Orton’s eyes really are great when he’s setting for the RKO. Facial expressions can make or break a match. Edge, Orton and Punk are some of the best there are at it. Punt misses and Cena hits the throwback. He hits the top rope legdrop about as well as he ever has, which is to say he actually connected with it.

Apparently Cena throwing his hands up and jumping up and down means FU now. It’s double clothesline time to make this a bit boring. Why is it only on a double clothesline that they’re devastating moves and not something that the guy pops up from? The fans seem confused as to who to cheer for. Orton shoves the referee, rolls to the floor and grabs his belt and leaves.

I say that as Lillian is on screen making me think I should rephrase that, but at the same time maybe I shouldn’t. Within seconds, she’s received word from Vince…but she trails off. She then announces Orton as the new champion, when she was supposed to say still champion. That’s a major mistake and I think it’s because they blew the spot and tried to do too much at once.

Cole tries to cover as fast as he can, and NOW we get the orders right as Vince has said that if Orton gets disqualified Cena wins the belt. More on that later. So the match is restarted and Cena is dominating. Orton goes to the floor and asks for the belt, which is dropped at first, and then he walks to the back saying that he’s done.

Ok, now we’re restarting it AGAIN, and now if he gets counted out we have a new champion. Ok, how in the HECK did she get word that fast? Both finishers are teased but Orton gets a roll up with his feet on the ropes to steal it.

OR DOES HE?

Another referee comes out and says that Orton has his feet on the ropes, so the original referee says this doesn’t count. Ok wait, back up. What about all the times when it’s said that the referee’s decision is final? If that’s the case, then one of two things should happen. #1, no match can end until the referee has had a chance to go back and rewatch the match, or #2, no decision is ever final since if the referee’s decision is final, then he could in theory go back and reverse it at anytime.

In other words, if the referee can reverse his own final decision, then couldn’t a referee go back and reverse something from years ago? If he has final say I don’t see why not. Guess what? It’s another restart. Best sign of the year: This is Why I Watch Smackdown. Preach it brother. STFU is put on and we get the rapidly becoming infamous moment as a “fan” (it’s Ted DiBiase’s brother Brett but that’s not revealed until tomorrow night) jumps into the ring.

Ok, reasons why this is clearly fake. #1, everything stops. In a real situation like this they just keep going. #2, they put the camera on the guy. That makes it fake as whenever this happens, the cameras go off and you can see the fans all watching the guy. #3, they talk about it. That NEVER happens.

#4, and most important of all, given the fact that the match has been restarted 3 times now, do you really expect this to be real? That was my biggest reason. It’s too unrealistic (and that’s saying a lot given this match) for it to have not been planned. Orton hits a quick RKO for the pin.

Rating: B-. For this rating, I’m factoring out all the insanity and I’ll explain why in just a second. Without all that stuff, this was a bad match. It was boring, it was very rushed, and it just wasn’t entertaining. However, I blame a lot of that on the booking, which is what killed this for me. The rating is fairly up there because a lot of the rhythm was taken away by stupid booking. Lillian messed up her lines, and that’s fine.

She had three freaking sets of them. This match suffered horribly from being overbooked. Why do you need the three restarts if you’re going to do the fan thing? Do one or the other, not four things. It’s too confusing, it takes too long, and it’s just stupid by the end. The fan run in thing would have been fine and actually pretty creative if not for the other three restarts.

Why do you need to have so much stuff in the world title match? It makes things look silly to me and it just makes thing far more complicated than they need to be. The match was bad, but the grade will be high because I think a lot of what was bad was based on the booking of the match and not what the wrestlers were doing. In essence, they had to remember four finishes. That’s asking too much of any wrestler and I think it had a lot to do with them not being that on here.

We recap the Punk/Hardy feud, which has been AWESOME.

Smackdown World Title: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

This has been one of the best feuds in recent memory for a few reasons. One, it’s Punk at his best. Two, the clash is so natural that it’s great. Three, the matches have been great. It’s possible Hardy is done after this, so I’d expect a new champion. Punk lost the title to Hardy at Night of Champions in what I would call an odd choice after Punk delivered one of the best promos I’ve ever heard that had me cheering in my room.

Anyway, this is a TLC match, which actually plays into the two time MITB winner’s hands I’d think. Thankfully this has gone on last. Other than some lines from Ross about how Hardy is addicted to adrenaline, it’s a standard hard hitting spotfest that you’ve grown to know and accept in these places. Hardy has some mixed reactions here as I think it’s gotten out that he’s gone. Do announcers not pay attention?

Why are all ladders the biggest they’ve ever seen? Did you know Jeff is like smoke being poured through a keyhole? I’m not sure if you caught it the first 10,000 times Ross has said it. Yep and there it is the major spot, as Hardy, for about the fourth time in his career, goes to the huge ladder and hits the super swanton. Yeah it looks cool, but dang we’ve seen it way too many times. Why didn’t Punk move either?

He wasn’t tied down and it took Hardy longer than it takes him to smoke a bowl to get up there. More commentary problems as this is going on too. Hey, in case you didn’t see it, here’s 15 replays. Hardy is being taken out on a stretcher. I guess that’s how they’re ending him? Yeah that’s…different I guess. While this is happening, Punk starts climbing. Hardy pops up to go after him though.

I love the powers of recuperation that wrestlers have. Punk is hopping up the ladder and it’s just hysterical looking. He looks like a rabbit. Hardy takes a straight fall down off the ladder as Punk takes the belt to end the show. Sweetness indeed. The announcers of course try to make this out to be completely epic. JR sounds like he’s ordering dinner. Way to show emotion there buddy. No wonder you’re in the Hall of Fame.

Before we go though, the gong rings. Taker pops up from under the ring and chokeslams Punk, who is somehow STILL not being respected as champion. Yeah I don’t like this. Match was good though. Post match, a gong strikes. Taker pops up from under the ring and chokeslams the new champion to end the show.

Rating: A. This was a great match and a great way to end the show. It wasn’t complicated like the last show and to me shows why Smackdown is way ahead of Raw right now. This wasn’t all drama and over the top stuff. Sure it was a gimmick match, but it was about the match and not some big screwjob.

At the end of the day, the best way to get over and have a good match/feud is to have good action, not good stories. The last two matches are a classic example of that, and Smackdown did it right while Raw failed.

Overall Rating: A-. This was a VERY good show. It’s not great, but it’s close. The worst match of the night is Kane/Khali, but it’s at least watchable. They kept it short which was smart. The tag title wasn’t much but they kept JTG in there for the majority of the time which is certainly the right thing to do.

Other than that and the STUPID booking for the Raw title match, I really liked this show for one reason: it was about the in ring stuff. That’s the solution to any wrestling company’s problem. At the end of the day, have good matches and the fans will be happy. The matches were good and I’m very pleased with this show and it gets a big recommendation.

Summerslam 2007
Date: August 26, 2007
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 17,441
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, JBL, Joey Styles

Well, it’s somewhat different this year but not by a lot. For one thing, Cena is the undisputed top guy in the company now, even surpassing HHH and Batista. HHH has been out of action since the Fall after tearing his quad again, and tonight is his epic return facing Booker T for no apparent reason other than he’s a big name for HHH to beat on. Your main event is Cena vs. Orton for the title, so you can really see how much difference two years makes.

I mean seriously, Cena was champion two years ago, so it’s not like they’re doing the same thing this year or anything. This was at the beginning of Orton’s rise to being one of the top dogs in the company as he is at the moment. He’d go on to win the title in about two months.On the Smackdown side, we have Batista vs. Khali. I don’t even need to make fun of that yet. Finally, the ECW Title has become much closer to what it is today, as we have Morrison vs. Punk for the belt. Also, this is about two months after the Benoit tragedy, and I’m going to leave it at that.

Summerslam 2006
Date: August 20, 2006
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 16,168
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Joey Styles, JBL

So a few things have happened since last year, but a lot of the show is the same. DX is back, feuding with the McMahons, Edge has risen to prominence and is the WWE Champion, and Booker is now a British guy. Your main events are Booker vs. Batista and Cena vs. Edge, along with the DX vs. McMahon tag match. The other major difference is the return of ECW, which as usual has one match. This is far different than the ECW you see today, as the title match is Big Show vs. Sabu.

Hogan is here again, this time against Orton, while Flair and Foley are having an I Quit match, which would be Foley’s last big angle as he would leave for awhile very shortly after this, returning in about 9 months for a few appearances here and there before becoming commentator for about a month before leaving for TNA. That’s enough recap from me, so let’s do this. Oh one last thing. Angle would be released 5 days after this show and would debut for TNA about 5 weeks after this.

The opening video is generic to say the least. It’s just promos and clips from the three major feuds. I’m really disappointed in this.

The 6 announcers welcome us to the show which takes a few minutes. Lawler says that he’s the WWE’s original party animal which just amuses me.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Remember how I said I was disappointed? That’s nothing compared to this. This contest is being held because these two have been fighting over who was closer to Eddie. This is nothing short of disgusting to me. Eddie passed away less than a year ago, and this isn’t even the first angle that was because of him. I get that he was a huge star, but you don’t need to use him to further storylines.

Chavo says that Rey is living off of Eddie’s legacy, which in reality he likely was as he got the world title at Mania, but that’s a different argument for a different time. They show video packages of both men’s relationships with Eddie as I feel like I’m in 5th grade. Seriously, this is like two 8 year old girls arguing over who someone’s real best friend is. However, the other friend just happens to be dead. See? No matter how you say that it’s not respectful or paying tribute. IT’S CREEPY.

Also, the whole Dominick storyline is completely omitted. In other words, thanks to the magic of WWE, the whole angle about Eddie trying to destroy Rey’s family and steal his son has been completely forgiven. And people wonder why WWE is criticized so much. Apparently Chavo is retired or something but this is a one night only event. If only that were true. As much as I can’t stand JBL in the ring, he’s pretty good on commentary.

It’s nice to have him out there as he was a wrestler far more recently than Tazz was. Chavo cost Rey the title. Thanks for mentioning that 3 minutes into the match. JBL makes an Arturo Gatti reference which is just weird to hear at this point. Chavo is complaining that Rey is trying to make a name off of Eddie. Yeah, I don’t need to criticize that. JBL calls Chavo’s comeback the biggest one since the resurrection. Again, don’t even need to make fun of that.

JBL goes on to say that these are two of Smackdown’s best. If this is one night only, wouldn’t that mean he’s not on Smackdown at the moment? Rey is having mask issues so we take a short break. Ok I like JBL. He’s actually really good at this. They both stand on the top rope and…just kind of jump off. Yeah that spot looked really stupid. Bradshaw keeps calling him Shavo which is getting annoying.

Yeah JBL is already getting annoying. If he says “He’s a Guerrero!” one more time I’m going to scream. Eddie was a groomsman at JBL’s wedding? How much do they want to break down the walls between reality and kayfabe? 619 but Chavo avoids the senton and they go to the floor. Vickie, now with about another 50 pounds on her and in full annoying mode heads to the ring and goes after Chavo for no apparent reason, slapping him.

The three amigos get Chavo booed out of the building. Cole calls a hurricanrana a headscisscors. Since Chavo got booed out of the building for the triple suplexes, Rey does them as well as everyone is being booed now. Rey goes up for a frog splash and Vickie tries to stop him, resulting him in him getting crotched. Chavo hits a suplex which is called a brainbuster, leading to the frog splash as Vickie screams to win it. Post match, they still won’t shut up about how it’s about family etc.

Rating: C+. The match was fine, but the rating is hurt a lot as this storyline is just flat out horrid. It’s completely disrespectful, and while it got both of the Guerreros jobs, it just wasn’t needed. There were about a dozen other ways to do this that wouldn’t be disrespectful at all, nor would they have ticked off the crowd. I hated this, but the wrestling was ok I guess. It would have been better if I had watched it muted.

Booker and Sharmell are in the back with Booker still being British, which is oddly a far better gimmick for him. He was completely generic as Booker T, but this is quite memorable. Edge and Lita come in and they argue about who the most powerful couple in wrestling is. That would be Vince and Linda.

This would lead to the triple threat challenge at Cyber Sunday which was all three championships on the line at the same time and was ended by Kevin freaking Federline. They make a bet about their title matches that didn’t mean anything at all in the end.

Ad for the best managers DVD. That’s a lost art in wrestling anymore.

It’s time for the ECW title match. The story is pretty simple: Big Show is ECW Champion and Sabu wants to be. Sabu won a ladder match against Van Dam on ECW to get this match, albeit with help from Show. Styles screams that this was VINTAGE ECW. Is this a running joke that we just never caught on to?

ECW Title: Sabu vs. Big Show

This is extreme rules, and for the ECW WORLD Title. Yes it was called a world title back then. For those of you that haven’t seen Sabu before, consider yourself lucky. He’s the epitome of everything that’s wrong with hardcore wrestling as his skills were limited at best and dangerous at worst. However, he was an extreme icon, so it’s all good. The ECW belt looks like a toy on Show. Within 5 seconds of the bell, Sabu has hit Show 4 times with a chair. That’s a good way of foreshadowing the match.

Show steps on it and crushes the chair which looks cool. This is more or less just Sabu using weapons and Show beating him up. It’s a simple formula but it’s working to an extent. The chair shots sounds SICK. If you think Hardy botches moves, he’s Bret Hart compared to Sabu. It’s table time, as Sabu is the guy that made them famous, far more so than the Dudleys who are more known for them.

Sabu gets him through the table which the more I think about it the more I think that it is nowhere near as great of a spot as it’s built up to be. A Vader Bomb pretty much kills the Arabian. Big Show brings in a table and stairs which is a cheap indy show name if I’ve ever heard one. Show sets up a tiny bridge with a table over two sets of stairs.

Sabu climbs on it and of course it falls over, so he sets it again as Show just looks at him. Naturally, he’s booed for it. Chokeslam through the table ends this, even though Sabu is on the table and therefore his shoulders are technically up, but why am I trying to use logic on a match like this?

Rating: C. It was a hardcore match with good chair shots. What are you really expecting here? It was fine for what it was, but it’s nothing special. Sabu as usual was just flat out horrid and Show didn’t have to do much. It was ok, as long as you don’t take it too seriously.

We see Layla winning the Diva Search. Yeah I don’t care either. In the divas locker room, Layla shows off her horrible acting skills while Trish yells at her for saying she doesn’t belong here. Truer words have never been spoken. Three years have passed and Layla still can’t do crap. Of course, in the end Trish is fine with it and everything is cool. They take her into the shower and spray her down with water. Yeah, it’s stupider than it sounds.

A band called the Teddybears did the theme song. Is there a point to these things that I’m missing?

We get a recap of Hogan vs. Orton, which is billed perfectly as legend vs. legend killer. These Hogan highlight packages are always cool. More or less all this happened for was to get Hogan’s reality show pushed and to promote Brooke. Orton hit on her and Hogan stopped him, resulting in Hogan getting RKOed on a car.

We also get highlights of all the legends that Orton hit with the RKO, which is a decent list I guess. We even got a parody complete with impersonators. More or less, this is Orton replacing Shawn, but lower on the card, as it should be.

Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Orton

Wow Hogan goes on third? That’s very surprising. Unless I’m overlooking something, this is Hogan’s last match to date in WWE. He appeared once other than this at the 15th anniversary where he fought off Khali, but other than that he’s been gone. You know it’s a good thing Vince is rich. He has to pay a lot of money for roofs. Hogan of course gets the legendary pop that he deserves. Ross of course mentions that Hogan has a bad knee. Hulk Hogan doesn’t get hurt you idiot.

Hogan definitely is looking smaller here, but he’s still muscular. The reaction for Hogan really is awesome. I love the old school merchandise like the towel and shirts. The entrance goes on forever just like the old school ones did. This is always fun and this is no exception. This is a much better reaction than he got last year and I think it’s because they got the formula right: Hogan vs. evil. That was the problem with Shawn.

He was still a face so why would we want to see Hogan beat him up? The fans didn’t buy it so while it worked, it wasn’t great. It’s weird seeing someone being taller than Orton. In a head scratcher, Hogan gets put in a headlock and goes down to one knee in just a few seconds. Everyone goes a bit blind as the headband goes off. They use an overhand wristlock and it looks decent. I’m quite surprised. Other than shoving Orton at the beginning, it’s been all Orton.

Dang it why is it that every time I say that the comeback begins? Hogan gets on the second rope and punches him, which for some reason surprises JR. It’s not like this is a new thing for him. He hits a clothesline with authority, which is another term that’s never made sense. How can a clothesline have authority? Can it give you an infraction while you try to start a resistance? The bias for Hogan and his rule breaking will never cease to amuse me.

In a weird time, they mention that the fans from the old AWA days remember the times when he refused to obey the rules. Why not just go with the time he was a heel in the far more famous WCW? Maybe there’s something to that theory of WWE never mentioning WCW because they know it’s better. Orton finally goes for the knee which is what makes sense all along, as given away by the massive knee braces on both legs.

They finally mention that Hogan was the main event of Summerslam 90, which I’ve long since theorized. Apparently Orton is craving to be loved. Thank you Sigmund Ross. Orton slides under the big boot just like Shawn did last year and hits the picture perfect dropkick. Screw Bob Holly. Orton’s dropkick is perfect. Now here we have something that makes me change my mind about a lot of the criticisms that Hogan gets.

Randy hits the RKO and covers, and Hogan doesn’t kick out. He puts his foot on the rope. That’s very subtle but when you think about it, that’s a huge show of respect to Orton. Of all of the big finishers that Hogan has been hit with over the years, I’ve never seen him not kick out of it with that big power move. He didn’t power out of the RKO. He had to use the weaker kickout. That’s a huge show of support for the young kid and it makes him look dominant.

The thing is they never mentioned it as a big deal, despite it being one of the biggest rubs that Hogan has ever given anyone. Anyway, Orton celebrates because he thinks that he’s beaten the legend himself and maybe he has a right to, but Hogan’s foot didn’t go unnoticed by the referee despite the announcers being completely oblivious to it.

Hogan staggers to his feet and limps around in a circle shaking his head which is a truly sad sight to see in my eyes as he just doesn’t have the physical strength anymore to do it the way he used to. We all know how this is going to go. Hogan circles Orton, shakes a finger in his face, kicks him in the head and after about 15 seconds, drops the leg for the pin.

I love how nonchalant Hogan is after the legdrop, as if to say yeah I know he’s not getting up for a month. Lawler marks out like an 8 year old for this and I love that. If this were anyone else I’d hate it but in this case it’s fine as this is Hulk Hogan. He’s the greatest ever and he should be treated as such. As Hogan celebrates we see a guy with a tattoo of Hogan all over his entire back. That’s either creepy or awesome.

Rating: B. This is exactly what a modern Hogan match is supposed to be. You have a young guy that is kind of proven but not quite and he just can’t beat Hogan despite getting close. Now some of you again might say that Hogan didn’t give Randy the rub here, but on a closer look he did.

That lack of a kickout of the RKO was in reality was huge. It made Orton look like a monster because it was enough to stop the super kickout from Hogan, which no other move has ever done in history. That’s about as big of a rub as you could give.

We see a big party that was held yesterday announcing the debut of 24/7. Kennedy is there, which amuses me.

Foley is in the back and Melina comes up and hugs him. Now this was a very interesting storyline that I wish had been given more time to develop. Flair had run down Foley in his book and Foley did the same. There was a real life feud between these two but they’ve since patched things up. Melina was a real life friend of Foley who was stuck in the middle of this for some reason. They had agreed to an I Quit match here after having a pretty bad one at Vengeance.

Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley

Sweet goodness Lillian is amazing looking. Foley brings in some weapons with him. It’s weird seeing Foley more or less as the heel and Flair as the face. There is legit animosity between these two which always helps things get better. Foley jumps him and it’s on. Running knee to the face in the first ten seconds from Foley. And then he does it again with the garbage can.

Mandible Claw goes on and Flair is down. This is more or less a squash almost but Foley grabs the mic and says make it easy on yourself and say it’s over. Naturally it’s not over and Foley gets barbed wire. On his alternate commentary from his DVD, Foley says he felt he didn’t have aggression here and he felt bad about it. Flair wraps barbed wire around his hand and CHOPS FOLEY. This left a HUGE scar on his chest that he shows on the DVD and it’s awful looking.

Barbed wire board is rammed into the face of Flair and he slides under the ring to blade I think. Oh yeah he’s busted open. The fans want tables. Something I’d like to do here is time how long between that chant starting and the amount of time before they’re introduced. Teasing them like that is a great idea as we have to wait for awhile instead of instant gratification.

Barbed wire board dropped on Flair results in him shouting obscenities to Foley. Foley busts out the tacks as there hasn’t been much of anything from Flair here. Flair is slammed onto the tacks for the second time in about two weeks after Show did it to him on ECW recently. Dang there are a ton of tacks in Flair’s arms.

Time for the barbed wire bat here. Flair is bleeding like crazy at this point. And now Flair sends him into the post and beats his arm with the bat. Foley is apparently wearing a Japanese Cactus Jack t-shirt. BIG bump as Foley is on the apron and Flair gets a running start with the bat and sends Foley to the floor and he bangs his head on the concrete. Cue Melina down to the ring to check on Foley who is out and the referee stops it.

Ok never mind as Flair decides that’s not enough so we’re going to keep going. Flair says he didn’t say I Quit so we keep going. He beats on Foley even more until Melina throws the towel in for him and says he quits. Foley still didn’t say I Quit so I don’t get why Flair would accept that either. Oh ok he didn’t. Foley quits seconds later I think after Flair threatens to hit Melina.

Rating: B-. On Foley’s DVD he does commentary for this match and he says that it wasn’t a very good match despite having a massive scar on his chest from the barb wire spot. He said that he never really took this as far as he could have to make it a truly bloody classic, but he thought it was ok. I would have to disagree with him to an extent though as it was at least decent.

Having Melina play into the equation at the end was a great move, despite her turning on Foley and having him fired less than a week later. I also really like the false ending as it makes you wonder how far they’re going to take this one.

Vince and Shane are in the back with Estrada. They more or less say that Umaga will be backing them up tonight. JBL gets in one of the best secretive lines you’ll ever hear as he calls him Armando Ali Baba Estrada. Back in OVW, Estrada played an Iranian character named Osama. That’s a very nice little inside joke.

Smackdown World Title: Booker T vs. Batista

There’s no buildup here other than Booker is champion and Batista never actually lost the title but had to drop it due to injury. Booker’s wife just does nothing but shout “All hail King Booker!” over and over. JBL’s sucking up is quite humorous. She’s at 11 times already. After 15 of them, we finally get Booker’s entrance. Isn’t that in essence a jobber entrance? He’s already in the ring when his announcement is made. Yep, Booker gets no respect.

Batista gets a solid pop but nothing mind blowing. This was one of three consecutive Smackdown PPV main events involving these two, so you really don’t have to think that hard about why there were jokes about how repetitive these shows were. If I remember right these two had a legit fight backstage at some point and Booker beat up Batista with relative ease.

They botch a spinkick spot but I’m not sure who is to blame. Booker throws the kick but Batista wasn’t there so they had to have him keep spinning. It didn’t look that good. We get a loud and long boring chant as the first 2-3 minutes of this is primarily Booker having Batista in a chinlock. Batista is quite rusty here which is certainly playing a role here. Booker hits him with the scepter on the floor, which means Batista is moving even slower than he was before and that’s saying a lot.

Back in to an arm hold, which is the same thing as a chinlock in essence. The crowd chants she’s got herpes at Sharmell. This is just amusing. Booker gets crotched by missing a kick, so Batista, ever the strategist and in ring general, picks him up and drops him the same way over another rope. What’s the point of that? Couldn’t he do something more original than that?

Booker hits a missile dropkick which used to be his finishing move in WCW, yet here is just a run of the mill move and the same thing happens with the Book End. JBL makes a bowling analogy which makes me shake my head. Batista hits a jackhammer which Booker pops up from. I love how neither of these guys have an original move to save their life.

Batista hits a bad full nelson slam to set up the power bomb. Sharmell runs in and slaps Batista for the DQ. Yes that’s actually the finish they went with. Post match Batista beats up Booker and BADLY botches the Batista Bomb. He barely got him up and it looked like he was trying to use it on Khali.

Rating: D. For the second year in a row Batista has the worst match of the night. It was barely over 10 minutes long, it was about 4 and a half minutes of rest holds, and the finish was completely stupid. Batista botches so much out there that it was just horrid. If you want to know where the stigma of Batista sucks comes from, I present to you Exhibit A. This was just flat out awful all around and felt like it belonged on Smackdown.

Jeff Hardy is coming to Raw.

DX is talking to someone who we can’t see and they tell him that Vince said Umaga is the biggest monster in the company.

Recap of DX vs. the McMahons and the feud that Satan is afraid of. This feud went on ALL summer and produced only a handful of decently funny moments. It was way too long and was stupid, primarily as it was DX vs. the Spirit Squad, who were tag champions at the time.

Despite beating them about 5 times, DX never won the tag titles. Why that’s the case is beyond me. It might be because they couldn’t have two major stars as champions. That couldn’t happen. We need our male cheerleaders blast it!

Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. DX

In case you’ve forgotten it, Shawn made his Summerslam debut in a 6 man tag in 1989. Just thought I’d remind you because JR has only said it at the last three Summerslams. We get the traditionally way too long DX intro. Good night Lillian looks great. HHH says that we need to get ready to suck it. Shawn says if you’re not down with that, they’re going to tell you to suck it. Well I’m glad we’ve got so many choices to pick from.

To say JR doesn’t like Vince is an understatement. Apparently one day Vince will run a hostile takeover of the afterlife. Spirit Squad runs out and uses their trampoline to come in. Two backdrops, a toss over the ropes, Sweet Chin Music and a Pedigree later they’re gone and HHH has a new sweatband. Finlay, Regal and Kennedy run out to beat on DX. The McMahons haven’t even left the stage yet in case you were wondering.

While the club from Finlay would usually drop Khali, since it’s used on DX, it has little effect at all. Big Show is here now and as they try to fight him, we finally have some logic as the other EIGHT GUYS that DX beat up finally wake up and help out, so it’s 9 on 2 here with the McMahons still to come. See, this is the first time ever that I can recall where Vince finally had a brain and realized he owned an army of guys to beat up whomever he was feuding with at the time.

He’d always send one at a time. You own the company Vince. Send out 10 guys at once or something to beat the other dude up. See how effective it can be? I really feel sorry for Styles and Tazz as they’ve been sitting there all night doing nothing after calling a single match. That’s just stupid. Why not have them sit up near the entrance so they can at least go sit in the back after their match? HHH goes through the ECW table as Vince and Shane finally are in the ring.

JR is really getting annoying with this running Vince down. We finally have a bell. It’s Vince against Shawn to start. Ross calls the heels the money maniacs. That’s like the main event of Summerslam 88 from my nightmares. HHH is still on the floor from the chokeslam through the table. HHH tries to get up but Shane hits a baseball slide to knock him onto JR and King. Ross flips HHH over as he’s ticked off about being covered by a big sweaty man.

The way it looked was just quite funny. Demolition Decapitator or whatever that move was called lands on Shawn. The McMahons hit a Hart Attack which is just appropriate being used on HBK. This is followed up by a Doomsday Device. This is actually kind of cool. Of course HBK kicks out though and this isn’t even surprising to the announcers. You have to love the power of kayfabe don’t you? Shawn finally gets a tag and HHH looks perfectly fresh.

Even Hulk Hogan thinks a comeback like this is stupid. JR says it’s adrenaline. I say it’s nonsense. As if 9 run ins weren’t enough, we make it a perfect ten as Umaga comes out. Oh wait it’s 11 since Estrada is with him. We now have 15 people in this match, not counting the referee and 4 announcers, all of which have been involved in this match. Counting Lillian, that’s 21 people that have been at ringside that we know the names of and have been involved in this match somehow.

Anyone else think that’s a lot? It turns out that the person DX was talking to was Kane who chases Umaga off to start their feud which, shockingly enough, Kane jobbed in. Shane sets up for Coast to Coast but Shawn…knees him in the leg I guess, to stop it. Of course it’s called Sweet Chin Music. It’s probably good that he did that as Shane would have been about a foot short. Vince takes both finishers to end this mess.

The recaps and celebration goes on for about two and a half minutes just to make sure we know that this was really a huge win for our triumphant heroes. Somewhere around JR’s 8th sports analogy for how amazing DX’s win is, the faces are finally about to leave the arena. Oh wait, we have MORE replays for you. To begin with, they set for their double pose but I think Shawn’s elbow is hurt as he can’t do the double bicep. He was holding it earlier after going ove the top rope with Shane.

They do a very good job of changing the camera angle for the Shane kick as it’s from behind Shawn now and therefore looks like he actually got the kick. That’s very smart and well done so points for that. Some big fat guy comes out about a foot and Shawn sort of acknowledges him, which I’d assume is someone saying to wrap this up as it’s over. I don’t think he was supposed to be on camera.

Rating: C-. This was a very hard one to grade as it’s just a mess. With more than ten people running in that aren’t involved in the match at all, it’s a hard one to grade. However, I’ll give them credit for FINALLY getting the idea behind Vince as the evil owner right. However, at the end of the day, there was too much going on here for it to be taken seriously. The flaw with this feud is simple: DX are former world champions, and Vince and Shane are businessmen.

There’s no reason to believe that the McMahons would have a chance at all here. Granted they got the theory correct by adding in a lot of people that know what they’re doing to make the feud more interesting. It was better than I’m making it sound, but it wasn’t great.

Kane actually helped out a lot here as he took away some of the ridiculous odds for DX. JR needs to shut up though, as for about 20 minutes he did nothing but talk about how great DX was and how evil the McMahons were. It’s one thing to mention it a few times, but he must have cracked the 20s in times he complained about it. It was completely annoying and WAY overdone.

Wrestlemania 23 is in Detroit.

Time for the final recap of the night as we look at Cena vs. Edge. They tried as hard as they could to make this an epic feud and they got as close as possible without actually getting there. Edge won MITB in 2005 and shocked the world by stealing the title in January after an Elimination Chamber win by Cena. I remember watching that match and texting a former friend of mine that was a diehard Cena mark. I told her the next day that Cena lost the title to Edge and she almost fell over.

The reaction was great. Cena got the title back soon enough but Edge won it from RVD on Raw in July. Edge beat up Cena’s father 6 days prior to this, and Cena is the hometown boy here. We cut to the theme song of the show to get more clips from this feud, including the live sex celebration that as I’ve said a dozen times, was nothing special. It truly wasn’t. It was them moving around under a blanket and nothing more. Big freaking deal.

Raw World Title: Edge vs. John Cena

Apparently if Edge gets disqualified he loses the title. Cena gets a VERY mixed reaction. The main selling point here is Cena’s father, which makes a lot of sense actually. Lita needs to freaking cut her bangs. You have a hot face. Show it off. She’s Women’s Champion here which was her final reign I believe. Correction it’s her next to last reign as she would lose to Trish next month in Toronto so Trish could retire as champion.

Lita was gone in November, leaving the whole division completely destroyed, the issues of which are still being felt to this day. This is more or less standard stuff with Edge getting close to a bunch of count out wins. On one of these, Edge knocks Cena to the floor and Cena’s eyes are just hilarious. They’re bugged out all over the place as he looks like he just remembered that Christmas is tomorrow or some other cliché from a bad movie.

For some reason I have My Immortal by Evanescence stuck in my head. As you can tell, this match isn’t holding my attention that well. Fans are solidly behind Edge it would seem. You have to love that in Cena’s hometown he’s still not popular. This was the era that Cena was beginning to be truly despised by a lot of fans in, as he was just constantly shoved down our throats, and it would only get worse as the year long title reign was coming.

However, I think those criticisms are unfair for one simple reason: who else was the title going to go on? HHH would be injured in just a few months, HBK lost to Cena at Mania before feuding with Orton and would leave for knee surgery (which had to be legit. It’s an HBK knee injury after all), and Cena was feuding with Edge right here. In short, who was there left to put the belt on, Umaga? See what I mean? There were no other choices other than for Cena to hold the title.

We get a Cena chant that is a lot stronger than I think it actually was if that makes sense. Cena starts his huge comeback of all his standard stuff, complete with an STFU. Lita sets up with the belt to hit Cena but Edge says no as it would cost him the title. She slips him some brass knucks after he makes the ropes though. FU is countered and Edge nails him in the back of the head with the brass which sounds awesome to end it and the show.

Rating: C+. This was fine, but just fine. It’s nothing epic at all despite what the announcers would like you to believe. There really wasn’t a solid main event this year and it showed bad. This would probably be the best choice for it though, as there’s not a lot that would have topped this.

Either way, the match was just ok, but it felt like the title should have changed here. It would change the next month in Toronto as Cena was booed out of the building, so why wait? Why not have Cena get the big win here in his own hometown? Either way, this was ok but nothing great.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is the epitome of slightly above average. Everything on it is just ok. There isn’t a big moment or a big match that makes it jump off the page at you, as Flair and Foley or Cena/Edge is probably the match of the night by pure default. It’s an ok show and watchable, but it’s nothing great at all.

DX vs. McMahons was ok, but just ok. That’s the only thing I can think of to describe any of the matches on here: ok, but just ok. It’s nothing special at all and because of that, it’s right in the middle of recommended and not recommended. Some might like it but others will be bored out of their minds.

Summerslam 2005
Date: August 21, 2005
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Attendance: 18,156
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

The main change can be summed up in one word: Cena and Batista. They took the world titles at Wrestlemania and haven’t looked back since. Other than that, there’s not a lot of differences. The main changes would be the alignments of some faces and heels. Eddie is now a heel, as is Orton, who was getting to the tweener stage last year. Edge is also full heel now, but that deserves a special mention later.

The main event however has none of those people to worry about. Tonight, the main event is a clash of two titans. Ok maybe more like a titan against Zeus, as Hulk Hogan meets Shawn Michaels. Now this wasn’t much of a rivalry as much as it was a challenge. At Backlash, the two had teamed up to fight off the evil of Muhammad Hassan and Daivari.

Then on the Fourth of July, Shawn superkicked him to end Raw, leading us here. To say the promos that Shawn did leading up to this were hilarious is the understatement of the year. Anyway, that’s the undisputed main event and also a source of controversy which I’ll get to later. Anyway, let’s get to this. Oh yeah one last note: due to the draft, the titles have switched shows.

Lillian sings the National Anthem which is awesome as always. You can see how much she puts into it and it’s awesome.

The video is great here, although that may be because it’s set to Remedy by Seether, one of my all time favorite songs. We get the usual highlights of the feuds, but then once it looks like we’ve done them all and the song plays for a bit, Shawn kicks Hogan to bring it to a dead halt. It’s just really well done and highlights all of the matches that are coming up tonight.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Jordan is champion here. Jordan won the title from Cena about 5 months ago. He really never did much with the title other than have some bad looking boxing moves, despite being a decent boxer as an amateur. He beat Benoit at the Great American Bash but had to use the turnbuckle to do it. This is Benoit’s rematch.

The Crippler gets a great pop. Always interesting to see a guy go from main eventing to opening the show. Wow I forgot how annoying Jordan was. That all being said, this match lasts 25 seconds. Here’s the whole match: They lock up, Benoit takes him to the corner, Jordan punches him once, Benoit hits the German, crossface, new champion.

Rating: N/A. This was AWESOME. The crowd was losing it as soon as he got the crossface on and so was I. I won’t give it a rating but if I did, instant A. The crowd is completely fired up now and they think they can’t miss a thing now. GREAT way to start the show. I loved this.

Since there was next to nothing to say there, here’s the aftermath of it. They would have three rematches. One would last longer than this, clocking in at an earth shattering 49.8 seconds. It led to some very funny segments with Benoit trying to find things he could do that lasted longer than the match. Again, this was AWESOME.

Eddie is in the…HOLY CRAP IS THAT VICKIE??? She’s got red hair, a MUCH nicer voice and is thin. Ok, now I could see him marrying that. I’ll go into what they talk about later, as the angle is without a doubt the dumbest I’ve ever seen and deserves its own discussion.

There are soldiers there from the military hospital. That never stops being cool.

We recap Edge vs. Matt. Holy crap where do I begin here? This is one of the best stories of all time. Notice I didn’t say storyline there, because it was a real event. Matt and Lita were dating, and she left him for Edge. This became public knowledge and Edge kept teasing that Matt would come and beat him up for it.

Matt was at ROH for awhile, and then in what was one of the most shocking things I can ever remember, Matt showed up on Raw from out of nowhere, stunning everyone including the IWC by shouting that he’d see everyone at Ring of Honor. Yes, ROH was mentioned by name on WWE television.

The key to this was simple: the announcers weren’t told it was coming. How in the world are they supposed to respond to it? It threw everyone off and was a huge success as NO ONE saw this coming. If you want to credit Edge’s rise to the top to one thing, this is it.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge

To say Lita looks good is like saying Sly is an ok debater. She’s looking extra hot here, with the jeans and bra but her stomach is all muscular and thin. I can easily see why a fight would break out over her. Edge is just about booed out of the building. The pop for Matt is huge. If there was ever a time that he should have been pushed to the moon, this was it. This is likely to be a shoot and not a regular match. Yep, it’s a shoot.

If this was a work, then give these two freaking medals. I know at least some of those shots were legit. This might be the hardest hitting match I’ve ever seen. Other than a spear through the ropes like he did to Foley, everything is a strike that you might see in a UFC fight. Matt’s head gets opened up and after a bunch of stiff shots to it, the referee stops it. I know that part was a work, as it’s a bad cut but not horrid.

Oddly enough, Matt would go on to cleanly win the next two matches before losing to Edge in a ladder match and having to leave Raw. It looks bad now, but he would redeem himself. The replay shows that the post spot where Matt got cut was a work, as he more or less crawls forward to get in position. Even still, very fun match.

Rating: B+. For what it was, this was great. For a wrestling match, it was BAD. However, I loved it for how brutal it looked and how great Lita looked, so while a lot would go the opposite here and I wouldn’t argue with them, this was fun. It wasn’t good, but it was fun.

There’s two songs apparently, a very bad pop/rap song and Remedy.

And now we have arrived. What we have next is without a doubt the WORST angle I have ever seen. Before I do the recap, allow me to quote Tony Chimmel’s announcement of the next match.

“The following contest is a ladder match FOR THE CUSTODY OF DOMINICK!”

Yes, the stipulation here is that the winner of this match gets custody of an 8 year old boy. Here’s your story: Eddie and Rey were tag team champions yet for awhile they had some one on one matches and Eddie never won. All of a sudden he started talking about a secret, which clearly was that he was Rey’s son’s real father. Eventually they had a match at the Great American Bash where if Eddie won he would get to tell the secret, but if he lost it stayed a secret.

Rey won, but on Smackdown Eddie just said it anyway which was something that I loved. Either way, Eddie gets custody of Dominick but is willing to put it on the line in a ladder match for one more chance to beat Rey. Dominick is at ringside with his social worker, just to make this even more ridiculous. One final note: Rey Mysterio is a lucky man, as his wife is smoking.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

This, as I said, is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of, but the match should be good. Tazz and Cole talk about their sons as Rey hugs Dominick. This is what Eddie and Vickie were talking about earlier if you didn’t get that. We start with a stall as neither guy really moves at all. Yeah that’s a great way to get the crowd more fired up: don’t move. Apparently Eddie is 0-6 vs. Rey in his career. Dominick, the scared little boy, standing next to a guy in a Cactus Jack shirt is funny to me for some reason.

I get that he’s supposed to be scared and I think he’s playing his part well, we don’t need to see his reaction after every move. They bring the ladders in pretty fast and it’s mostly just their regular moves with the ladders involved along with some basic stuff. Rey is off a bit here which makes great sense as he’s worried about his son.

That’s a nice piece of logic and it makes perfect sense here. In a great spot, Eddie is almost up the ladder but Rey sets another ladder up like a ramp and climbs it to stop Eddie. That’s pretty good but the good part is the backdrop off the ladder, which causes both of them to fall and the crash is just great. Cole calls Eddie sick about 10 times which makes me think he needs some antibiotics.

Ok, now this match just gets bad. Eddie hits a big spot to knock Rey out. He’s climbing the ladder and is about to win, and DOMINICK runs in to shake the ladder. Eddie drops down and says things like “Give me a hug” and “I’m going to be your new daddy!” Ok, where do I begin here? Number one, where is security? They can’t stop an 8 year old boy from jumping the guard rail, or I guess in his case climbing it, getting in the ring, grabbing the ladder, or Eddie from raising his fist at him?

Number two, where was that social worker or whatever? Isn’t her job to make sure that the kid is safe? Yes, I’m sure that it’s safe for a child to run into a wrestling ring and shake a ladder with a grown man on it. Number three, isn’t a social worker a local thing? What kind of social worker would allow this to even happen? How could a professional wrestling match determine the custody of a child? And we have another 7 minutes to go! Where is my medicine?

Finally, does anyone else think Eddie sounds a little perverted with what he said in there? He says more than what I said, but it’s just a bit odd sounding. Anyway, Rey does another dumb spot as he hits the 619 into the ladder into Eddie. Yeah, that’s very smart Rey. And you wonder why your knees are shot. Oh and Eddie looking over his shoulder while in position didn’t help things.

After Rey hangs from the cord, (Eddie catches him in a powerbomb but Cole keeps calling it a Spinebuster until Tazz corrects him after seeing the replay) he gets pinned under the ladder as Eddie climbs up. Eddie then proves how stupid these matches can be as he spends like 20 seconds trying to unhook the stupid thing while waving at Rey. Rey of course counters and shakes the ladder and Eddie hangs on the cord.

Who makes those things, NASA? I would have loved it if Eddie had tucked his knees in and Rey had tried to jump up to grab him but he just wasn’t tall enough. Cole and Tazz go one and on about how Eddie has no heart. I love how last year he had the biggest heart in the world, but now it’s revealed that he’s always had a black heart. My goodness I love kayfabe. Where in the world did they come up with that term anyway?

Rey is in trouble again as Eddie goes up but Vickie runs out and shoves him off. Tazz’s line of she doesn’t belong out here made me laugh out loud. You know, if she wore something other than brown she could actually be attractive. She’s probably 40 pounds lighter here if that means anything. Dang how many times does Rey have to be saved here? Anyway, Rey climbs up and Vickie grabs Eddie to hold him back so Rey wins.

Dominick jumps the railing again as Rey’s wife walks down the ramp to join them. Seriously, how bad is security in this building??? Eddie throws a fit as Cole’s commentary tells us just how stupid this whole thing really was. Rey slides back in and with Eddie looking at him the whole time, he nails Eddie in the head with the briefcase. Great way to treat something you worked so hard to get.

Rating: B. The match was fine, but DANG the storyline couldn’t have been shoved down our throats any harder. We get it: Eddie is evil and Rey is about to lose his family. You spent half the match talking about it. This is an example of where commentary can hurt a match. At the end I almost wanted Eddie to win so I could laugh at Cole and Tazz. Either way, the match itself was fine, all stupid parts aside. It’s hard to think that Eddie would be dead in three months.

Jericho cuts a solid promo about how he will win tonight and that Cena is just the flavor of the month. He says that he beat Rock and Austin in the same night and that Cena can’t compare to them. There’s a thread there, and remember this was 4 years ago.

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

My goodness why does Eugene keep getting the good wrestlers at this show? Christy Hemme comes out with Eugene dressed as a rather nice cheerleader, so maybe there’s something to Eugene. The story, which isn’t told here, is that Angle had been offering his gold medals to anyone that could last 3 minutes with him. Eugene won them, and now he wants it back. That leads us here as there’s no time limit for this match. Oh joy, oh rapture.

We’re finally at Kurt’s best known look, as he’s bald and has the You Suck chants. The odd thing is that he miss times his pyro so as he’s walking to the ring it goes off instead of when he’s pointing up. Eugene is getting killed for the early part here but comes back and tries a People’s Elbow. Angle pops up and takes his head off with a clothesline to one of the biggest pops of the night. Angle is just killing him here and the fans are WAY behind him.

Eugene looks like a jobber with his offense here and is getting booed out of the building from just a few basic punches. See WWE, there’s this thing called LISTENING. Try it sometime. German suplex is called an Angle suplex as Eugene is just about out of it, drawing another huge pop. I’ve heard of wrestlers being hated before but this is some of the worst I’ve ever seen. Coach says Angle wants to continue to beatdown the beatdown. Right, thank you Coach.

Eugene hulks up and hits a Rock Bottom that gets two. He asks the referee if it was three and then remembers his gimmick is that he’s slow. A stunner gets two as the crowd is as hot as Christy. Eugene pulls down some invisible straps so it looks like he’s scratching his shoulders and puts on the ankle lock. I thought he was emulating his favorite wrestlers. A guy that hates him is his favorite? Whatever.

Angle counters, hits the slam and makes Eugene tap to the roar of the fans. They kept it short, which was a great idea here as last year’s 17 minute match was just flat out stupid. Even Ross is talking about how dominant that was. Afterwards, Angle stands on a chair and has the referee put the medal around his neck which is kind of cool.

Rating: A+. Anytime Eugene gets destroyed like he did here, it’s a great match. He was just annoying at this point. A year ago he was ok I guess as the gimmick of someone that was slow but was a wrestling savant was actually kind of cool. Now he’s just slow as his wrestling ability has been forgotten and he just uses big time finishers. See, that’s how you can tell they’ve given up on him. They had a cool idea and then they just dropped it. That’s never a good sign, period.

The Divas are in bikinis and washing a car for no apparent reason. We see that it has the Presidential logo on it. The window rolls down and Vince is in it. He says why not? A bumper stickers says McMahon for President. Nothing ever came of this.

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

We cut back to the arena and just hear a gong. Thanks for the buildup or anything guys. This is just a Mania rematch which happened because Orton wanted to stop the streak. I’ve always liked Burn in My Light better than Voices. Orton standing in front of the pyro doing his pose just looks awesome. Even though he’s a heel he actually gets a solid pop.

I miss this version of Orton. For one thing the color of his skin is a bit less orange. It’s weird seeing Taker come out first. Orton hits the floor early to hide and I can’t say I blame him. Taz seems to agree with me. Taker slaps him in the face and the beating is on. I love seeing Taker grab someone by the throat and throw them into the corner. It’s just awesome looking.

Apparently Orton smiled after taking a chokeslam on Thursday so he’s getting in the head of the Deadman. Sounds to me like he’s getting chokeslamed which usually means he would lose. Old School is blocked by an arm drag which gets two, likely because it was an arm drag. Orton might have a bad shoulder thanks to a match with Benoit on Smackdown.

Orton takes over with punches. Take a guess as to how well that goes for him. BIG boot takes Orton down for two. This is different than their Mania match and I’m not sure if I like it better or not. Just waiting on Taker’s momentum to die until he gets beaten up for like 8 minutes and then we hit the finish. Running knee in the corner has Orton in big trouble.

Taker keeps going after the referee for no good reason. He tries the same running shot in the corner and of course it misses, allowing Orton to take over. He gets a modified elevated DDT as Taker is coming in for two. Orton goes to the knee as no one has EVER tried that on Taker right?

Powerslam by Orton gets two. And so much for a pin attempt as he goes back to the knee. With his good leg he hits the apron legdrop and actually SELLS THE LEG. I’m just so darn proud! He somehow manages to hit Old School but can’t follow up due to the knee. Snake Eyes hit but the big boot can’t work so Orton gets a dropkick to put Taker down. RKO is blocked though.

Tombstone is reversed and of course that doesn’t work but the reversal is reversed into the backbreaker for two. WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO TOMBSTONE UNDERTAKER??? That has never worked once unless your name is Kane. Does no one watch tape anymore? Crazy new generation. Chokeslam hits and there’s the sign for the tombstone.

A fan runs in and it’s Bob Orton. For the life of me I will never get the appeal of him. Seriously, what’s so great about Bob Orton? What makes him a legend, aside from hanging out with Roddy Piper? That isn’t revealed though until later. Taker goes to get Orton and walks into the RKO for the pin. And the fan is Bob Orton.

Rating: B-. It’s nowhere near their Mania match, so that’s not helping things. I like how they had Bob come in at the end though as it adds something new which furthers the story a bit. There would be two more matches with these two before they finally blew it off in the Cell at Armageddon.

This was fine, but I prefer Mania by a lot, as we had seen a lot of this before, 4 months prior to this. Still not bad at all though. It amazes me how Orton has gone from the rookie wonder last year to this in just a year’s time.

They point out some Republican politicians in the crowd and no one cares.

Time to recap Jericho vs. Cena, which Ross messes up by saying Jericho is champion. This was more about Cena vs. Bischoff as they try to redo Austin vs. McMahon. Jericho is his handpicked opponent to become champion. We knew Jericho was leaving after Raw the next night so there was a real chance they would do the one night title switch and put it back on Cena the next night. Jericho is walking to the ring as we see him from the back coming through the curtain as his music plays. That’s kind of cool.

Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. John Cena

In a weird sounding thing, Lillian says that Jericho was born in New York. When have they ever worded it like that? This is being built up as rock vs. rap. Yeah that’s great. The Cena pop is huge. Wow Lawler is 3-0 at Summerslam? That’s actually quite surprising. They point out that it’s wrestling vs. brawling here, and mention Rock and Austin. Dude, it’s great, but even I’m sick of hearing about it. On the floor Cena hits….let’s call it a spear I guess.

It’s kind of just a running tackle that they call a spear. Ross surprisingly says he’s not a Cena fan. He says that he tells it like it is, which makes me laugh even harder. This is pretty much dominance to start, as JR uses the word sycophant. Dang how much foreshadowing are they going to do? Ross is being kind of a jerk here as he keeps telling Coachman to shut up. For once I agree with Ross. Coach uses Rock lines which make me shake my head.

The commentary is more interesting than the match here as Jericho is pretty much dominating. Top rope superplex is cool. In a cool looking spot Cena goes for the shoulder block and Jericho slides between his legs. You know Jericho has two of the worst finishers of all time with the Lionsault and the Walls. When did they ever win anything when he was a heel? By the way, the STFU was a few weeks away at this point. He does however use the top rope leg here. You can tell he’s still not entirely comfortable with being the top star, but he’s getting there.

FU is blocked into a DDT, which was foreshadowed by the feet of Jericho kicking. That’s the natural counter to everything I guess. We have very loud dueling chants of let’s go Cena/Jericho. At the time, Jericho just failed as a heel because he was far too much like his old face persona. A lot of his movements and mannerisms are the same, which is why his current persona works much better. It’s completely different than his old one was and there’s little likable about it.

Five moves are countered, namely the You Can’t See Me. Jericho’s epic counter you ask? He rolls over. I love how “big” moves are blocked so easily at times. The Walls of course do nothing at all but get a face pop. Cena goes for an FU from the second rope which doesn’t work.

Jericho gets a running start but Cena grabs him and in a very cool looking sequence, hooks him in a tilt a whirl up onto his shoulder to FU him for the finish as JR yells louder than he did when Austin was champ. That ending was very cool looking.

Rating: C. This felt way too short. Cena was beaten up almost the whole time but in the end of course he hits his big move to knock off the enemy. It was fine for a PPV match I guess, but it was far from special. They would have another match the next night where the loser was fired. Jericho lost and would leave for almost 3 years.

WM 22 is in Chicago.

Recap of the JBL vs. Batista feud which more or less is them having a match at the Bash but Batista gets disqualified. That makes JBL want this to be no holds barred.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. JBL

JBL makes it rain 100 dollar bills to get the fans to cheer. They find that they’re JBL dollars to make them boo. The speed at which this crowd changes is amusing. Batista gets the big pop as the home town boy. However he gets jumped on the way to the ring as I think they figured out that this just wasn’t going to be a good wrestling match no matter what they did so they just made it a big brawl. They go into the crowd for a bit and Batista spears JBL through the barricade to get him back to ringside.

Well that’s one way to do it I guess. Hokey smoke they’re in the ring. For the second time tonight Cole knows the amount of time that the people have been champions. Thanks, but isn’t that a bit of overkill? As usual, a leather belt is brought in. Why would you wear one of those in a match anyway? It’s not like you think it’s safe or something. No one could be that stupid. Wait this is JBL and Batista. Ignore what I just said.

This is just a lot of hitting each other with power moves and the no holds barred thing is kind of stupid. The epic clothesline isn’t enough to stop Batista, so JBL gets some steps. Those are some freaking huge steps. This is just really bad. JBL misses a powerbomb from the steps, not onto them mind you. Batista Bomb but he doesn’t cover, but instead stands there like a moron with his mouth hanging open. The fans chant one more time so I guess you know what’s coming.

Yep, it’s a power bomb on the steps. I’m not impressed either. Of course this ends it. The impact wasn’t that good either as it’s such a far shorter drop that there’s no time to get any momentum behind it.

Rating: D. Yeah this was bad. It’s less than ten minutes and that might have been too long. The problem here is simple: these two are just big strong brawlers and that style doesn’t work against each other and it didn’t here. You need someone of a different style so that the power works well against it. This was really bad though as it was obvious who would win and there was no drama at all. Bad match and no drama means a waste of time.

Recap of the real main event, which I have to give them credit for getting right here as neither of the other matches should have closed out the show. Short version: Hogan and Michaels teamed up to fight the evil Middle Eastern guys, and then they teamed a bit more. Shawn said he had to know if he could beat Hogan, and that’s how we got here.

If I went through all of the promos for this I’d run out of room for how funny they were. I don’t think they were trying to make Shawn heel here but rather the less good of the two guys. This was actually a major match when you think about it and it was treated as such, so what more can you ask for here?

HBK vs. Hulk Hogan

We come back to the arena to dead silence. I mean nothing is going on but the general noise of the fans. Yeah that’s a great way to come out of a good video package guys. A few seconds of this is fine, but it goes on for about 15 seconds. That doesn’t sound like much but it’s a LONG time when you’re just sitting there waiting. Shawn FINALLY comes out to a pop but not a huge one. We still have no commentary.

Shawn prays as he usually does. I wonder if he’s praying to Hogan. Listen to his old promos and tell me he doesn’t sound like he thinks he’s God. The announcers try to make Shawn out to be an evil heel but it’s just failing. Dang the MCI Center needs a new roof. The fans just blew it off. A massive American Flag drops from the ceiling and it just looks awesome. The commentary is just completely biased as only Coach is on Shawn’s side.

Ok Hogan’s entrance is now at four minutes long. Neither has ever lost at Summerslam in a one on one match. That’s saying a lot. Shawn, forever the strategist, thinks it’s a good idea to try to overpower Hogan. Do I even need to make fun of that? A LOUD you screwed Bret chant starts up. It could be debated that such a chant could be directed at either person. They try to play this off as being the biggest match in Hogan’s career. That is just flat out funny.

This isn’t even the biggest match of Hogan’s career in this building, as this was where Hogan vs. Sting happened. Michaels’ bumping is just funny here as he’s selling a punch like a shot from a cannon. They talk about the big men that both men have beaten. Shawn is credited with Vader (he never beat him though), Diesel and Sid. Ok that’s all fine. They mention Hogan beating Andre and Coach mentions Big John Studd. This gets dead silence.

While it’s true that he beat John on some house shows, I don’t think he ever did it on a major show or a national broadcast, so I can see the skepticism there. Shawn slaps Hogan twice and actually gets away with it. They go to the floor with Hogan just killing him, but eventually Hogan goes into the posts head first. Amazingly enough he rubs his head, and right where he rubs it he’s bleeding. What are the odds of that?

You have to love that Shawn is beating up a 52 year old man. You have to love that this match isn’t stopped for the blood yet Matt vs. Edge was. Do you mean that Hogan isn’t as important as Matt Hardy? Shawn with a sleeper that Ross says is cutting off the flow of blood to the brain. Wouldn’t that kind of be helping Hogan since blood is flowing from his head? They ask how many people can say ended Hogan with his blood on their hands. I’m thinking Brock Lesnar there boys.

Shawn hits what I guess is supposed to be a forearm but Hogan just kind of falls over. Shawn goes for ANOTHER forearm but the referee goes down because of it. Do we really need that in this match? Just let one or the other get the win. The fans want Bret. Where in the heck does that come from? Shawn then applies the absolute WORST sharpshooter of all time.

He looks like he’s bent over in prison or something and Hogan looks like he’s in a half crab, which isn’t his fault as Shawn didn’t put it on right. Shawn got the leg crossing wrong I think. Yeah he did it’s supposed to be with the other arm. We have another referee here by the way. JR says that both men are looking for a win. I thought they were both looking for the way to Sesame Street. The other referee is down too. Yeah this isn’t overkill at all.

Shawn with a low blow that JR calls a low blow and then that it doesn’t need a description. Isn’t calling it low a description? Chair is brought in and barely hits Hogan as he falls early from it and Shawn lets it slide over the top of his head. Sweet Chin Music connects which gets a huge pop as Shawn circles Hogan to cover him correctly so Hogan can do the power kick out. Yep there it is.

Ok, now I can get that when Hogan is hit by an elbow or a splash that he can kick out like that, but this is a hard blow to his head. That makes NO sense, even from a wrestling perspective. We get the boot and leg drop, complete with Shawn’s insane selling that’s drawn a lot of criticism.

If Hogan can completely no sell the kick, Shawn can do that for the boot. Post match Shawn tilts face again. I say tilts because he never really turned in the first place. Oh and all of a sudden the commentators love him again too. The famous poses play us out.

Rating: B-. It was what it was, but no one believed Shawn was going to win. However, he should have. Hogan is certainly the bigger star, but he’s not a full time wrestler at this point and Shawn was. If Shawn wins here, he’s instantly getting a huge push as he just beat Hulk Hogan. Now I get that Hogan should win as the bigger star, and if they were both leaving or both staying you would be absolutely right, but that’s not what they were doing.

Shawn was staying and a win for him would be a huge push. Yes Hogan is the best ever, but he’s not even active at the moment so it looks like Shawn lost to some guy that just came back and beat him. I just don’t agree with this booking at all.

Overall Rating: B. This is a show where the overall product is much better than the individual matches. Batista vs. JBL is the only truly bad match on the card. The rest are good if not quite good. I don’t think there’s a true classic anywhere here or even a great match, but with everything being at least decent save for the WHC, this is a solid show. I’ll recommend it, but not completely.