Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

So Austin and Rock are retired, Lesnar is still a big name, HBK stuck around to shock the world even more, and that’s about it. Seriously, not much else has happened. Cena and Batista haven’t risen to power yet as they’re about a year and a half away from taking over the company. There is a new arrival however: Goldberg, who I wouldn’t call a flop but I’d call him a disappointment.

He’s at war with HHH over the title currently, so that’s your main feud, but of course they couldn’t just have them go one on one, so we get the second Elimination Chamber instead. Your other main event here is Brock vs. Angle in a Wrestlemania rematch. The card looks….ok I guess but a bit top heavy. Let’s see how it is.

Lillian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner with the Marine Corps Color Guard on the stage. To say she’s gorgeous is an understatement. They need to do this more often at PPVs. The opening video is pretty good, as we hear a clock striking what I would assume to be midnight and with each bell sound we see a clip of another match. Oh I forgot to mention: Lesnar is a heel again and is working for Vince.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

This is as simple as you can get here: the French champions make fun of American so the American team that’s never really been patriotic rally round the flag to fight for the Red White and Blue, despite the fact that the French flag has the same colors but you get the idea I guess. La Resistance are the guys that were the tag team of the year at this time, always holding the belts mainly due to the fact that they never had any opponents of note to face them.

The Dudleys were guys you could just throw into the title picture and it would work though, much like they do now in TNA. Guys like that are great to have because their resume makes them a legit threat so you know you’ll get a decent performance out of them and they make the other team look good. It’s the same thing that Shawn Michaels did in the last year or so.

He was never going to beat Jericho for the belt, but he was a legit challenger that you could count on for a solid match and he can be thrown into the title picture at a moment’s notice and be perfectly credible. That’s a very valuable asset to have. This was also back in the day of the old school tag title belts which I’ve always loved. JR touches on the idea that Bubba and D-Von are related which he kind of brushes off.

The faces are WAY over and take control early on which makes sense. They continue to dominate after a brief heel comeback, but after the 3D a cameraman comes in and hits D-Von with the picture taking machine for the pin. Bubba was too busy counting the three to stop the run in to break up the 3D, so the heels steal it. Post match, the camera guy beats up D-Von, Bubba and Spike who runs in for the attempted save, with the camera. Of course it’s Rob Conway, who didn’t have a name yet.

Rating: C. This felt like an extended TV match to me. It was ok, but nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw. The tag division was pretty much the same for about 5 years and it’s still that way today, with not much of anything of note going on other than the occasional title change. La Resistance was nothing special, but they were ok I guess. Not a bad match, just nothing that jumps off the page at me.

Coach interviews the Dudleys in the aisle, saying that the French were clever. Bubba doesn’t like this.

Bischoff is warming up and Christian talks to him like they’ve never met. Really? Bischoff is fighting Shane tonight for some reason. Christian is upset that he doesn’t have a match and Eric blames his co-GM, Stone Cold. The audio is bad here for some reason and I can’t make out all of what they’re saying.

We see the recap of Taker against A-Train. Basically Vince is hiring all the monsters he can find and Taker is the one he can’t get, so he’s the one that fights them off. A-Train started by attacking Stephanie last month at Vengeance to keep her from beating Sable, who Vince was having an open affair with.

Then, Taker fought back but A-Train kept making him lose matches, including one on Smackdown by pinfall to John Cena. Yes, Cena has indeed hit the FU to the Undertaker and pinned him in the middle of the ring. Anyway, that of course leads to this match.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

Taker’s music with lyrics is just awesome. This is the very end of his biker character though, as he was literally buried at Survivor Series by Kane in a Buried Alive match. I used to get the opening to A-Train’s music and JBL’s music confused. How can Sable be this hot at this age? She’s even hot now with Brock and this is 6 years later. Why is Taker in the second match of the night? Can I get an explanation?

Taker still has taped up ribs. Basic big man match for Taker which is probably his specialty: fighting monsters. A-Train was always someone that they wanted to push it seemed but it just never happened. Old School puts the train down.

We hit the floor for a bit and Taker’s back goes into the post as A-Train takes over. Can we just look at Sable’s chest some more? It’s certainly more entertaining. Taker grabs a sleeper of all things but walks into a belly to back suplex as Train keeps dominating. Taker gets out of the corner as nothing but punches. At times it seems like he does nothing but that and his finishers.

After some very basic stuff Taker can’t get the Last Ride and walks into a Derailer (choke powerbomb) for two of course. Good grief this is a formulamatic match. Down goes the referee as A-Train hits a bicycle kick and grabs a chair. It gets kicked into his face for two as we learn a good lesson about bringing a foreign object in. Use AMERICAN DANG IT! Chokeslam ends it clean.

Rating: D. Again, Taker is good at fighting monsters, but it feels like a TV match and nothing more. Why would I want to watch a TV match on PPV when I have to pay for it? It’s ok, but that’s all it is. A-Train was an underused talent, but come on. Taker deserves more than an underused talent, and to be fair he would be put into a title feud with Lesnar starting in the next week or two. Sable was hot as fire though.

Post match, Sable comes in to try to seduce Taker. Taker doesn’t go for that and chokes her until Stephanie returns and beats the heck out of her. Cole says she kicks the heck out of her, but I’m pretty sure it’s only punches. Then again, I’m no professional. Sable and A-Train bail as Cole freaks because of the power in the ring at the moment.

Brock has a new DVD.

We see Jericho stretching in the back as Coach is at ringside asking fans who they think will win the EC tonight. Everyone thinks Goldberg. If you’re going to waste time, I guess you might as well involve the audience.

Hit the recap button for Bischoff vs. Shane. This is REALLY long so I’ll try to summarize it as well as I can. Shane and Kane were feuding because Kane tombstoned Linda. Vince is being a jerk and won’t let Shane fight Kane, so Shane fights Bischoff. Kane saves Eric and helps him win. JR then decides that since Bischoff caused Kane to try to burn JR alive, that he’s going to sue Eric.

Austin comes out and says that JR won’t sue if Bischoff agrees to face someone. Eric, assuming it’s Shane, agrees. However, it’s Kane. For no apparent reason, Kane bails and Eric immediately wins by count out. However, the contract had a clause in it that said that the winner got Shane at Summerslam.

My that’s a fast contract to have drawn up in a matter of minutes isn’t it? Anyway, Bischoff goes to Vince’s house and kisses Linda and it’s implied he either raped her or slept with her with her being willing.

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

According to Tony Schiavone, anyone that follows tournament karate knows that Bischoff is a great fighter. In other words, about 4 people know that. Eric gets on the mic before Shane comes out and implies again that he slept with Linda. Eric is cut off by Shane’s music. You can tell he’s pissed because he only dances a bit. They’re on the floor inside of a minute as Shane is just killing him as you would expect.

Shane keeps rolling in and breaking the count and then goes back out again and it’s getting annoying quickly. JR references an elevator company, and sadly enough I get the reference. Coach pops up and smacks Shane in the back with a chair. Bischoff gets on the mic and makes it a hardcore match. Bischoff says that since Coach is the best commentator of all time to cut off JR and Lawler so that Coach can do all of the commentary. Yeah, this isn’t going to be bad at all.

What was the appeal of Coach? I’ve yet to ever be entertained by him at all. Without commentary this is somehow more boring if that’s possible. Shane finally wakes up and fights them both off, breathing some much needed life back into the crowd, but Austin comes out to really wake things up. I miss JR screaming about this. Austin can’t hit Coach though unless he’s touched so we get the I’m not touching you joke.

Shane makes Coach touch him though, which I think is illegal in some states, leading to the Austin beatdown. Austin and Shane make a weird team to say the least. Austin thankfully turns the announcers back on, which I hope is illegal in all states. Bischoff slaps him and gets a stunner from the man that he fired via fed ex.

Shane puts Eric through the Spanish Announce Table, which is famous enough to get all capital letters, with the elbow for the pin on the floor. JR calls this coast to coast. No JR, no. Austin and Shane have beers to kill some more time.

Rating: D. This was more like a big angle and it went on WAY too long. There were parts of this where it was just dragging on and on and on. Austin coming out completely saved this as it was an incredible boring segment. Coach is a waste of air and always has been so why would I care about him?

This was just really bad with only Austin being interesting at all. You know, even after this, the problem for Shane is that it’s never known if Linda did anything or not, so what does Shane actually gain out of this?

Of all things, we get a Wrestlemania Recall. Dude, the show is EIGHT MONTHS AWAY. I get the idea of early promotion, but come on now isn’t that a bit much?

Nash is getting ready for the Elimination Chamber.

Flair is with Orton, talking about how HHH will win tonight. Evolution was in a weird stage at the moment as Batista was out with an injury. The real reign of terror would begin in October when he came back.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno vs. Tajiri

Eddie is champion here. All four are in the ring and the first person to either get a submission or as Chimmel puts it, catch a pinfall, is the champion. After announcing that, he says it again seconds later in case we weren’t listening I guess. There’s no backstory here that I know of and if there is they don’t cover it. I can’t find any mention of one, so I’m guessing it’s one of those let’s throw everyone together and have them do their best. That can be a great idea at times.

Eddie comes out in a car of course. He would very soon be pushed to the main event and given the WWE Title in one of the biggest head scratchers of all time as he wasn’t a big enough star and obviously wasn’t ready for it, and likely never would be ready for it. Oh so Eddie hit all of them with the belt on Smackdown so that’s our story? Dude, anyone can do better than that. The US Title is just over a month old at this point, so it’s not like there’s time for a real history.

Eddie beat Benoit for it in a tournament final at Vengeance the previous month. It’s funny seeing the table all destroyed with Eddie standing in front of it. It looks so out of place and it’s making me chuckle. It’s kind of cool to think that Benoit and Eddie would both be champions at the end of Mania in 8 months. I love the Rhyno character around this time as he was just completely insane and liked hurting people. I love that.

In other words, he was his normal self. Four ECW guys out there as well, so if nothing else ECW had an eye for talent. I always like the Lasso From El Paso. In a very cool spot, Benoit puts Rhyno in the Crossface at the same time Eddie has the Lasso From El Paso on Tajiri. For one thing, the referee isn’t sure who to check on, but Eddie has a problem. Does he try to win, or does he break up the Crossface to save the title? That’s very smart and I really like it.

Tajiri gets to the ropes though so that’s all over. Eddie gets put in it and it takes several kicks from Rhyno and Tajiri to get him to break it up. Why does ever spinebuster have to contain an Arn Anderson reference? We get it, he had a sweet move. I will always mark out for the rolling German suplexes. Rhyno hits a gore but Eddie is holding the belt which is an old and classic move. Benoit and Tajiri fight to the floor which allows Eddie to steal the pin with the Frog Splash.

Rating: B-. To me, this is perfect for a PPV title defense for a new champion. It looks challenging, he gets a clean pin over an opponent, it’s about 11 minutes long, and two guys save face, allowing them to challenge for the title in the future because they didn’t get pinned. The wrestling was fine, but as is the problem with multi-man matches, it can get hard to follow. Either way, this was fine and a great way to really start Eddie’s reign.

Shawn Michaels is in a hallway getting ready. I guess that’s better than being in a closet.

Metallica is doing the theme song, with St. Anger. Still not sure if I like that album or not. The song is good, but I’m not sold on it. It’s certainly not bad, but I’m not sure if it is good enough for Metallica.

Lesnar has been a monster lately and this past Thursday he beat up Zach Gowen, and for those of you that don’t know, he had one leg. He broke his leg apparently. Gowen was supposed to fight Matt Hardy on Heat, so Matt declared himself the winner. Matt saying that real wrestlers fight through injuries absolutely cracked me up.

We get the recap of the Angle/Lesnar feud, which they more or less say has only happened over the course of a month and not 8 months, which is the real case. Angle was a heel back then so I guess that’s why. Angle won the title at Vengeance as a face but it was a triple threat. Kurt and Brock formed kind of a super team in between the shows as Angle said Brock helped him through his injury. After he agreed to the title match though, Lesnar turned heel in a complicated angle.

Vince said that Brock had to earn the title shot, but he would have to beat Vince in a cage match to earn it. Ok, that makes little sense on Vince’s part so I guess that means everything is perfectly normal. To continue making things odd, he makes Kurt the guest referee. Before the match though, someone attacks him.

Lesnar goes into the match anyway but collapses. Angle beats up Vince but Lesnar is faking and turns heel by beating up Angle. I’m not wild on Lesnar being the heel, but I guess that works. I am glad that he comes out alone though.

Smackdown Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

They start with amateur moves which I’m always a fan of. It’s just cool to see guys that are so naturally talented at things like that and it’s always fun to watch. This was back when Angle still had meat on him and didn’t look like he was about 200lbs. He was also relatively sane at the time, which is always a plus. In a funny visual, Angle out wrestles Lesnar and sends him to the floor. The Spanish guys STILL have no table.

They have at least a dozen tables for hardcore matches but they can’t loan the Spanish guys one for the night? I’d love to hear how pissed off they are at times. It turns into more of a brawl and Lesnar takes over as is expected. Lesnar’s second press slam is countered into a rollup. I like that as it shows that Angle learns with every move that he uses. That’s a nice little touch that likely wasn’t even intentional at all.

Lesnar busts out a rear naked choke so I guess MMA was always in his blood. We slow it down a LOT as Brock takes over with some standard heel stuff which is fine, but when I watch Brock Lesnar I want to see more than just stomps and chin locks. They keep talking about how Brock won the title last year, which is stupid as I’m pretty sure he’s done more since then. In this match, we get some of the good Angle, as he gets into that zone of his and more or less wills himself to victory.

He continues to steal moves from other wrestlers as he launches into a series of Germans from that other guy. Angle gets thrown over his head as I completely love Brock’s belly to belly and I always have. This review is rather short but as I’ve said many times, it’s hard to make fun of a good match. Lesnar’s shoulder hit the post so it’s hurt as well. Angle counters the F5 into a DDT while making it look miles better than Eddie would at No Way Out.

He pulls the straps down and for likely the first time ever, I’m loving Kurt Angle. He’s much better as a face than a heel to me, but I’m odd in that area. In a very weird thing, Angle puts the straps back up, only to pull them down again. Um, why? It looked very odd to see him do that as he got the big pop for it once so I guess he wanted another big pop? Either way it came off as odd. Ankle lock is on after Brock kicks out of the slam. In a huge twist, the referee gets knocked down.

Angle looks like he’s going for a sunset flip but in a unique move he locks his legs around Brock’s head and I guess uses a sleeper? It looks cool and I could see it working as a knockout hold I guess. From this he transitions to the ankle again and after about 30 seconds and two ropes Brock taps but there’s no one to tap to. I guess Brock is a drunk man? Vince runs out and chairs Angle to break it up as I’m going into a play by play guy which I don’t like doing.

Vince looking around as if to say I didn’t do anything makes me laugh. To just show how much of a freak he is, Lesnar hits the F5 while standing on one leg. To say that’s insane is the understatement of all time. It looks completely sick too as Angle lands straight on his head. However since this is a major PPV, Angle kicks out. Vince’s shirt looks completely stupid. The F5 is reversed into the ankle lock but Brock gets to three of the bottom ropes (called all four by Cole as he’s just a stupid boy).

However, despite him touching the ropes and even grabbing them, Kurt pulls him back and the referee doesn’t count them I guess. Lesnar taps as Kurt Mir keeps the belt. Post match Vince tries to attack Kurt with a chair and in an odd looking bit Vince misses but falls on his back. Angle slam through the chair looks completely sick.

Rating: A-. This was a GREAT match. It was two machines working very hard out there and with the right amount of time they were able to make this something special. Brock would get the title back in a few weeks after an iron man match on Smackdown. This was a very good match all around with Angle having to go to lengths he rarely had to in order to keep the title. Very good match and you should watch it.

We get an ad for Shawn’s first DVD which is also available on VHS. That just sounds odd.

Goldberg is getting ready with IPod headphones in. That makes me chuckle.

I think it’s Vince’s birthday if I’m reading the commentator’s hints right.

We see the first diva search winner, Jamie. She never got a contract which is why you’ve never heard of her. She’s cute.

Recap of RVD and Kane. This came about because Kane had to unmask in a very creepy moment and he blamed RVD for it for no apparent reason. Since then he’s just been a violent big red monster. Van Dam tries to fight him off but Kane just keeps destroying him, leading to Van Dam being tortured.

RVD vs. Kane

Just before the match starts, Fink announces that it’s been made no holds barred. At the time Kane was wearing the singlet top with pants and no mask, so he looks like a freaking moron. Anyway, Van Dam comes out and Kane of course kicks his head in for the most part. The opening half is just about all Kane but Van Dam is able to get some random punches and kicks in, but of course since he’s a main event guy, they work better. I’ve always wondered that.

Why do jobber punches mean nothing while a single right hand from say Austin can stop a guy dead in his tracks? Is it the punch that makes a guy great or is it the guy that makes the punch great? We get weapons brought into the equation and now Van Dam at least has a fighting chance. I wouldn’t call this filler, but it’s certainly not a major match, at least not in my eyes, as it’s sandwiched between the two title matches.

It’s odd to think that RVD has been world champion for far longer than Kane was, twenty two times for that matter. Kane comes off the top with the diving clothesline but misses and hits the barrier which is awesome looking.

This is back when Kane was really quite good in the ring still, but for no reason at all they wouldn’t give Kane the belt in 2002 when he was at his hottest since his debut. Van Dam gets in his usual offense but it was fairly obvious that Kane was getting the win here. RVD goes for the Van Terminator but Kane moves. This leads to the tombstone on the stairs to end it.

Rating: C-. You have a former tag team, no rules, and a violent guy. That should be a solid match wouldn’t you think, especially with two of the bigger names around. This just fell flat to me. It’s ok, but it wasn’t something I wanted to really watch. Some people would probably say it was good and I likely wouldn’t argue with them, but I just couldn’t get into it. I think the placing on the card was bad for this.

In the back Eric is getting iced and Terri asks how he’s feeling. He asks if she’s stupid. This came off as really funny to me when it likely wasn’t that great, but I really liked it. Linda comes in and Eric gets all nervous. She slaps him.

HHH is looking at his title belt. I’ve always wondered if it talks back to him. Flair gives him a pep talk.

The Chamber is lowered.

We get a recap of the first chamber match, including HHH’s legit throat injury. The problem is that we’re never told why these 6 are in this match. We instead get a music video set to St. Anger. From the best I can tell, HHH and Shawn have been kind of feuding, Nash and Jericho I know were feuding, Orton is there because he’s in Evolution, and Goldberg is the next big feud for HHH and his current feud. This is all what I remember and infer from the video.

Raw World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Orton vs. Goldberg

In case you don’t know the rules, you start with six guys, four in the individual pods and two in the ring. After a set amount of time, one of the four are released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Orton is out first, so he’ll be in the pod, as will the next three. I’m 21 years old. That’s how old Orton is here. That’s absolutely scary. Nash, out second, got his hair cut by Jericho on Monday, which in reality was for a movie he was in.

Third is HHH, who I would say needs no introduction but he’s getting one anyway. Flair isn’t with him. Correction yes he is, but just very far behind. HHH was coming off a torn groin at the time so he’s rocking some shorts, kind of like Lashley wears but a bit longer. Think of Cena’s but tights. Goldberg is out fourth so Jericho and HBK will be starting. WWE of course had to change his music, which is dumb because his music was awesome.

The chants have already started. Him walking through the pyro was always cool. JR says that describing Goldberg as intense is like describing the universe as fairly large. Listen here fat boy, I use analogies, not you, UNDERSTAND? Goldberg is also wearing the shorts now and he also looks stupid. I guess it was to avoid looking too much like Austin, which makes sense as he was a pure rip off of him already. The fans are WAY into him.

Orton is just a kid here and he looks almost scared to death. Jericho is next, making Shawn last. HBK is the grizzled veteran here who once again is going for one more shot at the title which would be his storyline going into Mania. The Chamber really does look awesome. There’s the bell and we’re finally ready to go. Jericho and Shawn had the classic at WM 19 so this is going to be good. JR says a coin toss determined who starts. How can you have a six way coin toss?

JR says that HBK dominated the late 80s and early 90s. Am I thinking of a different HBK? The fans are chanting Goldberg so I’m not sure what promotion I’m watching. The announcers do a good job of playing up HBK vs. Jericho as JR talks about the history of the world title changing in Arizona. Dude, you’re either preparing WAY too much or you’re the most bored man in the history of the world. Wait, that’s not right anyway.

That was the original world title, not this one. This belt has only been around about a year at this point, so no it hasn’t changed in Arizona. Are you starting to see why I can’t stand JR? This is probably my favorite period in Jericho’s career. It’s a shame he was turned face soon and feuded with that waste of air Christian. Orton is in third so it’s 2-1 in favor of the heels. I wish he did that cross body more. It’s awesome and always has been.

We get the WOO for Jericho’s chops, which is interesting as Flair is at ringside. I wonder if he considers that a compliment. I’d have to think that he would. Ross is really getting annoying with his repetition of things. Ross calls for Orton to break free of HHH and work for himself. Give it about a year or so there Jimmy boy. They finally go outside the ring and hit the cage a bit and the match instantly gets more interesting.

Shawn goes for…something and Jericho catches him with the Walls. It looked bad as more or less Shawn jumped perfectly for the Walls. Nash is in now as they try as hard as they can to make him sound like a credible threat. Well, he’s been in there 15 seconds and he’s not hurt yet so he can consider tonight a victory of sorts I guess. He has short blond hair here, so he looks completely stupid.

He’s the jobber here as no one, and I mean no one thought he was a legit challenger, despite being the only guy here to actually have beaten Goldberg. Jericho is busted. Nash and HHH had easily the worst Cell match ever earlier this year, ending any credibility that he had left. Apparently Shawn is really close to a lot of people. It’s a shame none of them are named Becca.

Shawn super kicks Nash leading to a Jericho rollup to get rid of him, just furthering the theory that he’s a jobber. HHH is next and in a cool spot he steps through the door and HBK kicks him in the face. HHH falls back into the pod, out cold. Nash, desperate to get injured so he gets more time off with pay I guess, jackknifes Jericho and Orton before leaving. It’s a shame that he couldn’t stay healthy as he’s certainly a decent worker, especially when he’s talking.

He gets a solid pop when he throws his hand in the air, so if nothing else the people still liked him. HHH looks like he’s taking a nap. Shawn is bleeding now too, so at least we’re getting some solid violence in this one. This match isn’t very good. It’s about half the length of the original if even that and it’s just not interesting. All anyone wanted to see was Goldberg and HHH, yet for no good reason, we got this. It’s a novelty and nothing more, and in this case it’s hurting things.

Back in 2002, it was great because it was new and flashy. It’s been a letdown since then and this match is a great example of that. I think a big part of last year being a success also was Shawn’s big moment, which really was cool when you think about it. I’m actually pretty bored right now watching this. I think it’s the lack of drama. Everyone knew that it was coming down to Goldberg and HHH, so why have the other four?

There are a bunch of combinations you could put those guys in, so why have the Chamber other than to bump up buyrates? Goldberg and HHH had the one on one showdown the next month, so it’s not like it was never going to happen. It makes little sense to me and it’s really hurting things because we have to wait 20 minutes before Goldberg is there and another 10 before he and HHH get into it.

What’s the point? Most of the rant is over but I reserve the right to come back to it later on which I likely am going to do. Yeah this is another reason it sucks. Right now and for the last 45 seconds or so, EVERYONE IS DOWN. Literally, we’re watching them lay there and try to get up. Dude I can go to my aunt’s house and watch people lay around and do nothing if that’s what I’m looking for. Why would you have a match based on a lot of action and then do nothing with it?

Who do you think you are, TNA? Of course since we get a fistfight, JR says it’s like Saturday night in some obscure Oklahoma town. Is there really nothing better to do in Oklahoma than get in bar fights and choke in big football games? Oh yeah apparently you can overeat and become the world’s most annoying announcer who does nothing but shout and be a big country boy.

I get that JR is a great announcer and he’s had some masterful moments, but DANG he’s just annoying most of the time. Some of the stuff that he says blows my mind with how annoying it is.

Man I want to just sit here and rant about him for the next few minutes but I guess that would be fairly boring, so instead I’ll continue rambling like this. Oh Goldberg is in and the fans have a pulse again. Good for them. JR says he’s hitting everything with a heartbeat. If that’s so, why isn’t he hitting the camera guys or himself?

Jericho and Shawn commit an ultimate sin and cause a sign of the apocalypse by teaming up to fight Goldberg. Orton gets the heck speared out of him to eliminate him and HHH has been down a LONG time now. Oh he’s up. I guess that’s this being a cowardly heel thing I’ve heard about so many times. I know it’s hard to believe but yes, the WWE does make their heels cowardly from time to time.

In the first really good spot of the match, Goldberg spears Jericho through the Plexiglas. That just looked and sounded awesome. Sweet Chin Music is ducked and Shawn gets speared. I don’t have a Becca joke here. Jackhammer ends him. Just before that he points at HHH and JR says it’s as if he’s saying you’re next to HHH. My oh my what a great phrase JR has coined. How does he EVER come up with these things?

Jericho gets the same combo platter so it’s now one on one but HHH is still in his pod. There’s no way to get him out, so Goldberg kicks and punches the door in. That’s actually really stupid but it was all he could do. Anyway, HHH gets completely destroyed as you would expect. HHH starts coming back so at least this isn’t a squash. The showdown lasts all of 3 minutes though as they go into the ring and Flair slips the hammer to HHH.

Goldberg goes for the spear but he gets a hammer into the head. After the match we get the Evolution beat down. JR says that it’s felonious assault. You know what, that’s so stupid I’m not even going to make fun of it. You Jim Ross, are annoying, plain and simple.

They handcuff him to the cage as JR is saying that they think Evolution doesn’t want to see Goldberg around here anymore. Really JR? Did you figure that all by yourself? Did you manage to tie your own shoes together too? I guess Vince and Linda must like each other since they have kids. HHH poses with the belt as we go off the air.

Rating: D, For reasons already given, this match just sucks and it sucks badly. Actually that makes no sense because it means it’s bad at being bad, making it good. Oh dang it I’m turning into JR. Where’s my Texas shirt when I need it? Anyway, this match was horrible.

It was about two guys and they were together for all of 4 minutes out of 18 the match went for. Last year it was anyone’s to win, even guys like Booker or RVD. This year, we knew it would be one of the two, so why should we care? Add onto that the dead time and Nash and this was just really bad.

Overall Rating: D+. This was really quite bad. There’s one very good match here with Brock and Kurt, but other than that everything is either bad or average at best. I liked the US Title match but for the way it was booked more than the match itself. This show is pretty bad, as was most of the WWE around this time.

Nothing of interest was going on and it wouldn’t until the young blood stepped up and took over next year with Benoit’s title reign and Edge coming back from his injury to fight Evolution. Batista would be back in about a month or so to complete the team, which was both good and bad but that’s a rant for a later time. I wouldn’t watch this again, but Brock and Kurt is definitely worth checking out. Other than that, stay away.

 

 

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Summerslam 2002
Date: August 25, 2002
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 14,797
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Off to a wicked half crab on Rey but he somehow sneaks out and gets two off a rollup. Kurt takes his head off with a clothesline, only to get caught in a jawbreaker. Rey tries to speed things up but walks into the overhead belly to belly. There go the straps but Rey armdrags out of the Angle Slam and sends Angle to the floor. Rey loads up a dive but the referee stops him, drawing the most heat of the night. Mysterio will have none of that and dives OVER THE REFEREE to take Angle out.

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

The half nelson faceplant gets two and Edge suplexes Eddie to the floor. A cross body off the top to the floor puts Guerrero down but Edge injures the shoulder again. Back in and Edge goes up but has to counter a superplex into a front superplex for two on Eddie. Edge loads up the spear but Eddie dropkicks him in the shoulder to put him down.

The Un-Americans are ready to beat Booker T and Goldust to prove that America sucks. The only bad part though is they have to do it here in Long Island. This is a classic gimmick and would work at almost any point in history.

Raw Tag Titles: Goldust/Booker T vs. Un-Americans

Nidia is at The World (WWF New York) and makes out with a fan for some reason.

Bischoff and Stephanie continue their stupid back and forth.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit gets another near fall off a backbreaker and a snap suplex gets the same. Off to an armbar as Benoit wants the shoulder now. Rob gets some quick twos off rollups but Benoit runs him over with another elbow to the face. Benoit runs into a boot in the corner but the split legged moonsault hits knees. The Swan Dive misses but Benoit rolls away from the Five Star as well.

Back to the Crossface and Van Dam looks more annoyed than anything else. Rob (with his hair down for maybe the only time I ever remember) makes the rope and puts a Crossface on Benoit for a few seconds. A jumping kick to the face puts Benoit down for two and now Rolling Thunder connects.

Rating: B. This bad shoulder selling is getting on my nerves. Benoit had RVD in one of the best submissions ever three different times and Van Dam looked like he had a five year old child on his leg. The rest of the match however was very solid with Rob hanging in there with Benoit who was his usual awesome self.

Stephanie, having just lost the IC Title to Raw (giving them all the belts I believe) laughs. This story continued to not make sense until they just gave up.

Undertaker vs. Test

Test misses an elbow as well and now Old School connects. Snake Eyes connects but Test ducks the big boot. Taker shoves him off and hits the chokeslam for two. Christian and Storm come in as a distraction but take a chokeslam each, allowing Test to hit his big boot for two. Test tries a chair shot but hits the ropes, sending it back into his own face. The Tombstone finishes this.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH. They were best friends back in the late 90s but Shawn broke his back and had to retire. Over the next four years, HHH rose to the top of the company and a higher level than Shawn ever achieved. Shawn came back to Raw and offered to reform DX, but HHH laid him out, saying they were never friends and he just used Shawn.

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

A backbreaker onto the chair has Shawn lying motionless but HHH only gets two. He covers a few more times and HHH is very frustrated. A side slam onto the chair gets another two as JR screams for a fast count. Shawn counters a Pedigree onto the chair with a low blow and both guys are down. The HBK chant starts up again and HHH has the chair superkicked into his face. Now HHH is busted open too and Shawn slugs away before hitting the forearm and the nipup to blow the roof off the place.

Shawn puts him on the table and splashes him from the top rope in the big spot of the match. Both guys are DONE and the fans are in awe. Shawn sends the ladder back inside, says he loves us all, and drops the elbow from the top. Michaels has that look in his eye and tunes up the band but HHH catches the kick coming in. He loads up the Pedigree but Shawn sweeps the legs and rolls HHH up for the pin to blow the roof off the place again.

Post match HHH becomes the universal evil by hitting Shawn square in the back with the sledgehammer and leaving him laying. Shawn is taken out on a stretcher.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar has his agent Paul Heyman with him. Rock charges into the ring and walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. Lesnar hits a pair of backbreakers for two and we head to the floor with Brock clotheslining him into the crowd. Apparently Rock has bad ribs coming into this match. Back in and Brock hits another overhead belly to belly suplex for two before dropping some elbows. A powerslam puts Rock down for two as this is one sided so far. Brock fires off some shoulder in the corner but misses a charge and hits the post.

Rating: B-. The match was just ok until the very hot finish, but the last two minutes or so made up for a lot of the earlier problems. This was a great example of how to make a guy like Lesnar look like a monster. Rock left to film The Rundown immediately after this so Lesnar was the only one left standing. Great way to put Brock over here and a pretty solid match overall.

Lesnar celebrates to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A+

Redo: A-

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Original: B

Redo: C

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Un-Americans vs. Booker T/Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B

Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Test

Original: D

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Original: A+

Redo: A+

The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Still a masterpiece.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/05/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2002-best-summerslam-ever/

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Summerslam 2002
Date: August 25, 2002
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 14,797
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

Another year and more changes have occurred. The main one is simple: the Brand Split. Yes, Raw and Smackdown are now two separate shows etc. However, there is an Undisputed World Champion and his name is the Rock. He’s defending tonight against the greatest rookie sensation of all time: Brock Lesnar. No one had EVER seen anything like Brock and they likely never will. He took the company and the business by storm, winning the shot by beating RVD in the KOTR final.

There were even rumblings that he could actually win the title tonight but that could never happen. What a silly idea. Your other main event is the return of HBK, facing HHH in what is considered a classic. This show is considered to be a rival to Wrestlemania 17 as the greatest WWF PPV of all time, or at least of the new millennium. Now I watched this show a few months after it aired and I remember it being good but not great. Let’s see if this is as good as it’s built up to be.

Oh also, two months prior to this, a new branch of the National Wrestling Alliance debuted: NWA: TNA.

Oh it’s also WWE now.

No opening video this year. That kind of sucks.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

No real buildup here other than they don’t like each other. Given the amount of matches that they have to put together now, that’s the sacrifice that they had to make I suppose. Angle is wearing red and white stripes with a blue star, making him look like a barber pole. This was back when Rey’s knees weren’t falling apart yet and was close to what he was in WCW, which is to say, amazing. This is about as perfect of a pairing as you could want.

Rey is fast enough to wrestle with heavyweights, while Kurt is small enough and versatile enough to keep up with him. Going for Rey’s ankle makes sense as it could ground him and take away his best asset, so what’s not to like? My answer: nothing. This has been a very  good match so far. The fans are very hot for this too so that’s always a perk. Rey keeps getting closer and closer here but Angle keeps getting up.

What you have to keep in mine here is that at the time, Rey wasn’t a huge star like he is now. He was a rookie that only had a handful of experience outside of the cruiserweight ranks. Think of him like a better Evan Bourne and think of Angle like Jericho. Imagine Bourne and Jericho opening a PPV and Bourne getting so close every time but just not being able to put Jericho away, but Jericho can’t win either. That’s where you get this match.

These guys are killing each other out there and it’s great, as neither can put the other away. Rey gets Angle on the floor but the referee won’t let him dive. Rey says screw it and jumps over the referee and lands on Angle in a sweet looking front flip (Do a barrel roll!).

619 (which in WCW wasn’t an attack but rather a fake out) and West Coast Pop get two as Rey doesn’t know what to do. Rey goes up top and flips forward to avoid Kurt and goes for a hurricanrana. Angle more or less jumps forward and grabs the ankle. He goes to the middle and just cranks on it until Rey taps.

Rating: A+. Awesome match. That’s the only way to describe this. These two just went out there and did it. This was back when Rey was relatively healthy before his knees just got destroyed. He’s still good now, but back then he was insane. Rey in WCW was the most fun I’ve ever had watching a wrestler.

If you think Bourne is good, Rey from back then would run circles around him. This was as close as Rey ever got to that in WWE, and it was great. Find this match and watch it as it’s absolutely great. Screw it, this gets an A+.

Stephanie is mad that Bischoff is in her office but she agrees to share it with him for the night, as she proves she just can’t act.

Ross and Lawler are talking about the show, but for some reason they had them really far away from the ring back then. It made no sense to me and just looked odd.

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Again, no backstory. We get a clip from them fighting on Raw, including Flair breaking all of Fozzy’s equipment, but it’s never explained why they’re fighting in the first place. This was when Flair was still fairly mobile and not all old and disturbing looking. He was only 52 and still could be decent in the ring. Being in there with Jericho is going to help as Jericho can wrestle Flair’s style, and is smart enough to know how to wrestle a Flair match.

See, Flair is considered one of the best of all time because he knew what he did best and it worked with anyone. Flair had a formula, and all he had to do was plug his opponent into that formula for the majority of the match and then have the finish. This was exactly what he did throughout his career in WCW and it hardly ever failed. Yes, Flair’s matches are pretty standard, but they’re also pretty good. I mean his stuff from when he was in his prime mind you.

Go back and watch some of that stuff from the NWA in the mid to late 80s and tell me if you can find a truly bad match. Now not everything is going to be a classic of course, but he hardly ever had a truly bad match. On the rare occasions that he did, it was because the other guy wanted to run the style of the match, which traditionally meant Dusty Rhodes. Rhodes was notorious for insisting on having his style of match, which worked for him and him alone.

Go watch their Starrcade matches and you’ll see what I mean. It’s just not looking like a normal Flair match and it just isn’t that good. Granted, this could be because Dusty just was awful in the ring as he couldn’t go for more than 5 minutes without resting. He was lazy on a snapmare in that match. It’s one of the most basic moves in wrestling and he’s lazy with it.

Anyway, the point of this rant was that at the end of the day, the reason Flair’s stuff was bad near the end of his career was the matches stopped playing to his strengths and became based on what the other guy could do. Flair made a career out of taking a guy that was good and making him great by making him look great.

Look at Sting. He was a good wrestler, but his rivalry with Flair is where he got noticed, because Flair made him look great. In WWE, Vince didn’t let this happen and it caused Flair to look bad and the guys that were against Flair didn’t look as good as they could have.

Ok, rant over at least for now. Once I get going in those things I just can’t stop. For some reason we don’t have Flair’s normal music. It’s the weird imitation that he had back in 92. We’re a minute into this match and they’re already talking about how he beat Rock and Austin in one night. My goodness that is never going to leave. It’s a huge deal but good grief let it die. The WOOS are loud tonight.

This is a stat that blew me away. Jericho has been around for a LONG time right? He was 2 when Flair debuted. That’s just ridiculous. Flair has been wrestling almost as long as Jericho, a veteran at this point, had been alive. Jericho calls a spot to Flair in fairly obvious fashion. He just leans over and whispers it to him. It’s scary to think that Flair, at 52, has miles better cardio than most of the roster in their 20s and 30s. This match has been very physical to say the least.

There are so many little things that Flair does that show why he’s great. It’s not a bunch of big impressive moves with a few botches here or there. It’s a simple, basic style that has practically zero mistakes in it. In other words, it’s not about what he’s doing well. It’s about what he’s not doing wrong. Then the little things like getting the referee looking somewhere else to use a bunch of punches. He plays to the crowd well too.

How sad is it that so many people today would be clueless about how to do this? We get a cool sequence where Flair goes for the Boston Crab and Jericho gets a figure four, showing how fairly stupid it is to have finishers like that which almost anyone can do. That’s why I like the liontamer, the one with the knee in the back, more. No one else uses it. Apparently over time the amount of points that the figure four puts pressure on has gone from 5 in Gordon Solie’s days to 7 now.

In a brilliant move, Flair grabs the ropes and taps. The thing is, since the hold should be broken, the submission can’t count. That’s a very smart thing to do as it buys him a lot of time. Referee gets a thumb in the eye, or maybe a short knee (rep for the first person that gets what I’m talking about) allowing Flair to low blow Jericho and put on the figure four. Anyone think it’s a bit sexual looking when Flair bounces up and down while in it? Yeah I never thought that either. Jericho taps.

Rating: B. While not as good as the other match, this was still very solid. As good as Flair is though, I’m not sure I’m sold on him practically beating Jericho, who was world champion earlier in the year, clean. It was a very good match with Flair being the better of the two, but still, it just had me kind of wondering.

Promo for Hogan DVD.

Heyman is with Lesnar and talks about him ending Hogan’s career. Lesnar is a freaking tank.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Dang 3 matches and 6 world champions. Again, very limited backstory here as they just don’t have the time to do it. As awesome as Edge’s old music was, he desperately needs something more hardcore at this point. He’s rocking the glasses and the trench coat though so you can see the future Edge trying to get out. However, in less than 6 months he’d be out for over a year, so that kind of got put on hold.

Apparently Eddie is upset about Edge being popular and a sex symbol (really?). That’s almost creepy given who Edge would be married to on WWE TV. Just as I say that about Edge’s injury, he might have gotten hurt. He has a bit of a stinger according to Tazz, who would know something about having a Steve Borden. If he is hurt, Eddie doesn’t seem to care at all.

In case you didn’t know, Edge is a HUGE face here and way over with the crowd. Apparently it’s Edge’s shoulder….er neck…..maybe shoulder…..can the commentators make up their freaking minds?? Either way, Eddie is crushing him right now. Eddie is just going insane on Edge’s shoulder, so if nothing else we have a simple story going on that works really well. If nothing else, how can Edge spear someone if his shoulder is killing him without hurting himself really badly?

The main thing of this match is nothing more than Eddie working over the shoulder. Frog Splash misses but after a brief Edge comeback including the Impaler, Eddie hits a splash down onto the shoulder. Of course, because he’s the charismatic face though, Edge is able to spear Eddie without his arm falling off for the pin.

Rating: C+. The ending just ruined this for me. I got into Eddie’s shoulder work, but then when Edge more or less no sold it at the end, it was a total waste in my eyes. What’s the point in working an injury and taking away a guy’s finishing move if the other guy is just going to no sell it and use his move anyway? That was just bad and made me shake my head, which sucks as the match was pretty good.

Tag Titles: UnAmericans vs. Booker T/Goldust

Now this was a gimmick that I thought was very solid. Christian and Lance Storm represent the UnAmericans here, with Test being the third member of the trio. In short: they don’t like America. They were given the tag titles but very soon after this the gimmick was just completely dropped. I’ve never quite gotten why though. Either way, the odd thing here was that Booker and Goldust were also a team, yet they have absolutely nothing in common.

Hearing the announcers try to give them something in common really is quite funny. The fact that they’re both from Texas never really seemed to sink in. Either way, they were a fairly decent team, albeit they were far more comedic than serious, but Booker would be pushed towards the title picture soon and then put into a serious team with RVD, so all is good I suppose.

Anyway, on with the match. Hearing Lawler try desperately to make Booker and Goldust pro-America is rather interesting, as he compares them to the Great American Melting Pot without ever referring to it as such. The USA chants are really loud to say the least, so if nothing else the heels are drawing heat like they’re supposed to be. Ross’ repetition is nothing short of annoying.

Goldust hits a Bossman Slam as I try to come up with a connection between those two and it’s not working. We get a classic ref didn’t see the tag spot which needs to be done more often. It’s as simple of a way to draw heat as there is in a tag match. This crowd is HOT. Booker gets his own chant as he’s clearly the big star in this match. We knew he was a big deal, but they didn’t push him as such until March, when he was fed to HHH.

Oddly enough, HHH had everyone on the planet fed to him until tonight when he let Shawn, his old buddy, have a classic with him. It’s not like these jokes have no basis in reality, but I’ll save that rant for later…maybe. Anyway, Booker finally gets the hot tag to a huge pop. He throws chops at Christian so fast that the crowd can’t WOO fast enough. That’s actually pretty impressive.

Booker hits his missile dropkick which would have won him the world title in WCW but since this is the WWF and Christian is for some reason popular, he kicks out at two. It always amazes me how a finishing move can just lose its power over the course of a year. Booker spins up as Mark Madden gets another ego boost.

The faces dominate for a good while until Test runs out and kicks Booker’s head off to keep the titles for the heels. On replay, we see the referee looking right at Test leaving as Booker is left lying. Yeah that makes sense. The Smackdown tag titles would be debuted in about two months.

Rating: C-. This was about as cookie cutter of a match as you could have imagined. While it’s ok, it’s just ok. Booker and Goldust would eventually get the titles later on in January for all of two weeks. It wasn’t bad, but just not great.

Nidia does some stupid thing at the World, which is the new name for WWF New York.

Eric and Stephanie make some stupid sex jokes.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. RVD

This is cross promotional, so we have two announcers which is both kind of cool and kind of stupid. Benoit and Eddie have been jumping rosters lately, going from Raw where he won the title to Smackdown. The US Title on Smackdown was about a year away at this point, so there was only the midcard title on Smackdown. Van Dam kicks the freaking heck out of Benoit to start, so you know this is going to be physical to say the least.

This was a weird time for these two as Van Dam was kind of replacing Angle in the triad of the midcard. You always had Benoit and Jericho, but Angle was always a step ahead of those two, and eventually as he was phased up into the main event, Van Dam was thrown into the middle of the card more or less as an experiment and I’d say that it was a success. Frog splash misses and Benoit gets the crossface, which he locks on for about 30 seconds.

No tap though as we’re really just getting going. Over the course of the next 5 minutes or so, Benoit gets another two crossfaces on Van Dam who STILL doesn’t tap as we’re entering HBK at Mania 12 territories of not giving up. In a nice touch of comedy (in my eyes at least), Van Dam locks in the crossface, at least I think that’s what it is although he never was one for submission holds, on Benoit.

This lasts all of 4 seconds though as Benoit is the master of it so why wouldn’t he be able to get out of it? I’m not wild on the two matches with focus on the shoulder like this, but in this case it makes much more sense with Benoit’s finisher focusing on the shoulder. I guess with Eddie and Edge it made sense due to some psychology being thrown in, but I’m still not wild about it at all.

In something I never once remember seeing before, Van Dam’s hair tie comes undone and his hair is freely flowing. I’ve never seen that before and I really don’t like it. He looks almost like Tyler Reks with it like that, which works fine for the surfer, but it just doesn’t look right on Robbie V. I’m thinking I forgot a Ross joke here. That’s going to bother me now. The ending here is just not that great.

Benoit has a belly to back suplex countered as Van Dam rolls over onto him and lands in kind of a cross body/splash. In a very nice looking move, Van Dam looks down at Benoit from the top rope with Benoit’s feet pointing to him. He turns in the air and lands a Five Star for the pin and the title. Really not huge on that ending, as it’s just kind of there.

There’s not a lot of drama as Van Dam just jumps up and hits the splash and pins him. However, a guy winning a title clean is a very refreshing thing to see. There was no interference or anything. Van Dam simply countered and hit his finishing move to get the pin. That’s both good and bad I guess, but the rest of the match was good so I’ll take it.

Rating: B. This was very intense and well done. It’s probably Van Dam’s biggest win of his career up to that point and is probably one of the biggest of his career even to this day, with the world title obviously being ahead of it. He beat Benoit, one of the best ever, clean. If that’s not validation of his ability at least on one night, I don’t know what is. Very good match though and worth checking out.

Stephanie, before laughing for no apparent reason at Bischoff bragging. Not sure what this led to, but it might have been the US Title. Actually that’s not it, as the IC Title would soon be unified with the world title, in one of the biggest head scratchers of all time. It would be revived about 8 months later when everyone realized how truly stupid it was, and THAT would bring about the US Title.

We’re getting ready for Test and the Undertaker. JR says a lot of people want to know who the UnAmericans are, why they’re here, and why they’re doing this. In short: Lance Storm, Christian and Test, they’re professional wrestlers and TNA was a baby at this time and since Vince had more or less created a monopoly there was nowhere else to work, and they’re Canadians that don’t like Americans. Why is that such a complicated thing to figure out?

The UnAmericans carry around an upside down American flag to symbolize how messed up America is. That’s either brilliant or really stupid. They keep saying they hate America, so the American wants to beat up Test. On a side note, William Regal would join them later on. Taker’s punches were called soup bones for no apparent reason around this time, as JR continues to get further and further away from this lovely little thing called reality.

Oh yeah we’re in the Tough Enough era here and Tough Enough 3 was going on. The winner of that was one John Hennigan. You may know him as John Morrison. The other winner was named Matt Cappotelli, and while you may not have heard of him, I was lucky enough to see him in OVW.

He was absolutely awesome and I can guarantee you of this: he would have been either as big a star as Morrison or far bigger. The guy had that X factor to him and you knew he would have been something very special. His retirement speech almost had me in tears. I wish I could find a copy of it.

Undertaker vs. Test

You won’t hear this, but JR says that Test has been living on nothing but potential forever. How true that is of so many workers today. This is part of the UnAmericans vs. everyone else so Taker busts out a hiptoss of all things as he dominates early. The big clothesline hits but Old School is blocked to let Test take over.

Test’s fairly generic big man offense takes over. This is rather slow paced and not very interesting. Taker gets a belly to belly to get out of most of the trouble but an elbow misses. They slug it out which of course Taker wins which lets him get a running DDT for two. Old School connects and the bigger man is in control.

Test’s big boot misses and a chokeslam gets two which is probably the high point of Test’s career. Christian and Storm run in which gets them nowhere. It does however allow Test to get his big boot for two as Test PANICS since the one solid move he knows did nothing at all. He grabs a chair but it gets kicked into his own ugly face and a Tombstone ends it. That was a rarity at this point so it was cool to see. He celebrates with the flag afterwards.

Rating: D. This wasn’t that good. It was certainly more about the angle than the match, and while there are occasions that I’ll make exceptions for that such as Hogan vs. Andre, this isn’t one of those occasions. It’s just not good as their styles were too similar and while Taker is good enough, Test just didn’t care at this point and it shows. Solid angle, bad match, as Test just wasn’t in Taker’s league, ever.

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Taker is just now leaving, so that was an extended celebration I guess.

We start the build for what I think (and yes it’s very debatable) was your real main event. Shawn hasn’t wrestled in over 1600 days. That’s a lot of sleepless nights for Becca. Lawler says that a lot of these people have never seen Shawn wrestle, which means that a lot of people have never heard of home video obviously, or Lawler thinks it’s 1940 and there’s no such thing as taping a match.

In case you’ve never heard it, here’s the basic build for this match. Shawn and HHH were in DX together as you likely know. However, Shawn got hurt and HHH took over DX and became the star that he is today. Now, in the Summer of 2002, Shawn came back for a night, unbeknownst to us, healthy and sober. That night, it seemed to be all about Shawn again, which was unfair to HHH who had actually had a more successful career as far as title reigns and time on top than Shawn had.

That night, Shawn came up with the idea of reforming DX (I want that man shot) and HHH went along with it, or at least he did in the beginning. They do the two words line, but then HHH kicks him and pedigrees him. You can tell this is serious because it goes into slow motion. HHH hits a very weird pedigree as he jumps way too high and it looks like Shawn was countering it with a backdrop.

Anyway, HHH says that Shawn used HHH to get to the top, so now HHH used Shawn to get to the top, which makes even less sense but whatever. Now this is the part of the storyline that I never understood. HHH is cutting the promo in the ring where he says all of that stuff. Ok, that’s fine. A guy gets his attention and says that something happened.

HHH bolts from the ring and goes off to find a bunch of guys around Shawn who is laid out on the ground bleeding and there’s a hole in the window of a car. HHH says he’ll find who did it and when he does, that person is a marked man. Shawn comes back a few weeks later for a satellite interview, and he has the footage from the security camera, and naturally it’s HHH. As I’ve said many times, what’s the point?

For one thing, why wouldn’t it have been HHH? He’s cutting a promo about how he can’t stand Shawn, and since Shawn has been back for all of 2 weeks, why wouldn’t it have been him? Seriously, who else was it supposed to have been? Why wouldn’t they have just shown it being him, maybe ending the show like that, and THEN have the interview where Shawn challenges him for Summerslam? HHH says that he did it to prove a point, which was that Shawn is vulnerable.

Ok, that’s all well and good, but WHY WOULD HE GO ON A FREAKING MANHUNT IF HE DID IT? That makes no sense! What’s the point in turning him heel one week, turning him face for two weeks, and THEN revealing him to be the mastermind for lack of a better term, thus turning him heel all over again? It’s just pure overkill and was absurd. ANYWAY, Shawn says that he’ll be completely recovered by Summerslam. So let me get this straight.

Shawn couldn’t get better from a broken back, which is something that could have paralyzed him, in four and a half years, but if you cut him on the head he’ll recover in less than a month? Are you telling me that all Shawn had to do to completely be healed was cut himself shaving? If that’s the case, Becca might have a fit. This match is non-sanctioned, which Bischoff says means that it never happens. HHH says the logical thing: Oh Eric, but it will happen.

See, that’s my issue with matches that never happen. YES THEY DID! When you erase something from the record books, people still remember the matches themselves. That’s why taking down banners for basketball games or erasing wins is freaking stupid. The games were played, and therefore we’re going to remember who won, who lost, by how much, and what kind of shoes they were wearing.

The match not only happened, it happened in a WWE ring, on a WWE PPV, had WWE commentators and had a WWE referee, but people know who freaking won it! The match DID happen, so what’s the point in saying it’s non-sanctioned? If it was non-sanctioned, then this would be happening in a parking lot somewhere instead of in front of 14,000 people. Since it’s not an official match, why is HHH in wrestling gear?

Does he wear that in his everyday life? Is there constantly a referee following him around to check and see if he wants to go for a pin? Does he think he’s Nighthawk and that he’s competing to become Champion of Wrestling (OCW joke for those of you that have NO clue what I mean)? Are you starting to see how stupid this really is? Just call it what it is: a WWE street fight. It sounds better, it looks better, and above all else: IT MAKES SENSE!!!

They get a full music video before the match here, which actually does show off how great of a match this could be. HHH’s line of “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE ANYMORE!” while as corny as it sounds, actually tells the whole story here in just four words.

That’s the sign of a good promo: it sums up everything simply, without having to use a big elaborate bunch of words to fill in time. All that being said though, the buildup had you actually believing that something special was coming, and for those of you that have seen it, you know that it is. For those of you that haven’t, be ready to enjoy.

HHH vs. HBK

Before I begin, one note that I’m likely to forget. In an interview that HHH gave about Shawn and this match in particular, he says that this was a 45 minute match. From what I’ve seen, it clocks in at about 27-30. That’s a far cry from 45 if my math is correct, but I digress. To say the pop for HBK’s music is massive would be like saying Hogan was a little over.

The flashbulbs are going off all over the place as this is actually a very epic moment. It’s not like Shawn was doing nothing when he left. He was wrestling in the main event at a major show as the world champion and he retained. It’s fairly obvious that he would have gotten at least a rematch with Austin at Backlash and likely have been champion again somewhere down the road. However, it’s likely that his addictions would have caused major problems.

Geez I need to stop these tangents. He gets the mega star treatment which he deserves, including pyro, confetti, etc. He’s actually looking like it’s a non-sanctioned fight, wearing an undershirt and jeans. His shirt says Philippians 4:13, which for you football geeks is what Tim Tebow has on his eye black in every games. For those of you that don’t know who that is, watch some real football, not that nonsense they play in Europe and find out.

For those of you that have no idea what it means, it’s a Bible verse that reads “For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” That makes a lot of sense for this match. Usually I want the face to come out last and get the big pop, but here I think it’s better that Shawn came out first. Also, Lawler says that no one in history has had more charisma than Shawn.

Not sure about that King. I’m thinking of a guy in red and yellow. He posed a lot, kind of made wrestling what it is today. In an odd fact that you may not know, the man who wears red and yellow, despite many tries, has never once beaten Jerry Lawler by pinfall. They fought dozens of times, but Lawler never lost cleanly to him. SCREW these tangents!

HHH gets the booing to end all booing. You have to keep in mind: HHH is at about the level here that he’s at today, so it’s not like Shawn was coming back to fight Dolph Ziggler or someone like that. He was taking on one of the very best. Shawn is all calm here, even doing the lay on the rope like a hammock thing. I really like that actually, as it plays to Shawn’s laid back persona that he had when he was at his peak.

If he was all serious and angry that would have made sense too, but I think this actually works a bit better. Shawn starts fast, throwing his PERFECT towel in HHH’s face and punching him. Apparently this is due to his Texas pride. What in the world does Texas pride have to do with this? He jumped him. Isn’t that being a bit cowardly actually? Why am I trying to make sense of something JR said?

Shawn starts by throwing punches for the most part, but within two minutes he launches over the top rope with a plancha, followed by more punches. That’s a very smart idea actually. Shawn has been out of the ring for four and a half years. It’s not like he’s going to be the Shawn that was wrestling just before the injury. He’s going to have a lot of ring rust, so punching makes sense.

Also, it’s a good safety advertisement for kids and adults. Since this isn’t an actual match, it’s not actual wrestling right? Therefore, Shawn not doing a lot of wrestling moves is showing that people shouldn’t try this at home. Now it’s ok to punch someone’s head in, but don’t try to slam them. We get weapons brought in, namely the trashcan of death, as JR talks about Shawn’s son watching at home.

There’s a great parenting lesson: if you’re ever possibly walking into a match where you have little to no chance of winning and could be paralyzed because your pride got in the way of your thinking, make sure your kids are watching, because it could be your only chance to look good for them. Sweet Chin Music misses and HHH lands a backbreaker, which Shawn sells like death, opening the main psychology of this match, which was to be expected.

You know, you’d think that after four and a half years his back would be a bit better. Oh, Lawler has used vintage four times inside of 5 minutes. I wonder if that’s where Cole got it. You can almost see the Harley Race coming out of HHH already as he looks just pure evil. Ross says that WWE has nothing to do with this match as I am fighting from rehashing what I said earlier.

Chair is brought in and cracked over Shawn’s back, but since he has HEART, he can kick out of what would pin others, despite it being his weakest point. JR says HHH is 6’4 and a half and weighs 260, despite him being listed as 272 just 8 minutes ago. I feel like I’m watching a Captain Planet parody with all these heart references. DDT on a chair which should have crippled someone but he kicks out with ease, but he’s bleeding.

Lawler says this match may have been the biggest mistake of Shawn’s career. He hung out with Luna, so that’s a big negative there King. HHH gets the sledgehammer as Shawn fights him off. HHH goes for an abdominal stretch which I’m sure has Gorilla Monsoon complaining in his grave. HHH grabs the rope, which I’m still trying to figure out how that actually adds anything to the hold.

Earl Hebner yells at HHH about it and you can tell he means business because he has a mic on him, but keep in mind: this IS NOT a real match. Shawn gets crotched on the top rope as a little bit of Becca’s soul dies. Another chair shot to the back would normally end anyone else’s career, but SHAWN HAS HEART! I know I’ve made fun of a lot of this, but this match really has been good.

I’m rarely a person that can pick out specific things a guy does in a match, but even I can tell that HHH is a master heel. They do a spot where HHH sets up a chair and Shawn is side slammed through it. If it broke then it hurts horribly, and if it doesn’t break then it hurts like the 7th circle of torment. We get probably the 5th spot that would kill anyone else, but Shawn has….screw it even I’m getting tired of that joke.

JR says Shawn is limp. I’m sure Becca could fix that. Ok I’ll try to keep the Becca jokes to a minimum now. Shawn starts his comeback in his comeback match by countering the pedigree. The fans are white hot here, even 15 minutes into this. From out of nowhere, Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music into a chair but Shawn is spent, which makes sense. The psychology is definitely here, as it’s always nice to have guys that actually know how to work the mental side of a match as these two do. HHH is busted.

Ok, now this is just getting ridiculous. Shawn has had maybe 5 moves that would have ended any match with ease, including a DDT on a chair, and 5 minutes later he’s fine? Even Hulk Hogan thinks that’s a bit much to swallow from Shawn. Becca says…never mind. All of a sudden Shawn is limping around again, so I guess I can buy the adrenaline excuse. JR calls the chair shot a Jason Giambi like swing which makes me laugh. Of all the power hitters in history he picks him?

The commentators have a crazy idea: Shawn could win. I get that this is supposed to be his last hurrah, but is it that hard to believe? Ok yes it would have been at the time. The fans want tables, so HHH is put on the most famous one of all time: The Portuguese Announce Table! In a weird spot, Shawn pulls the shoe from one of the commentators, which Lawler says is a heel for a heel as I can’t believe he still has a job at this point.

You can say heel but you can’t say belt or strap? It’s ladder time. DAng why can’t it be wiggle time? HHH gets a solid shot right in the hand with it. In case you didn’t know, this is non-sanctioned. Did you know it’s non-sanctioned? I just want to make it clear that this is non-sanctioned. And last but not least, it’s non-sanctioned. HHH busts out a baseball slide as two things happen: he uses a new move so screw you HHH haters, and I am WAY past my record for talking about one match.

You can tell this is a big match as HHH goes up top. Shawn gets a weird float around sunset flip but he shoves himself off at two because the spot looks bad if HHH kicks out on his own. JR randomly throws in how evil HHH is. That is yet another example of why I love professional wrestling. Where else could someone try to cripple you but just a few years later you’re best friends again and fighting on PPV together?

That must have been one heck of a Christmas card that HHH sent him. “Hey man, sorry about that whole wanting you in a wheelchair thing and the attempted manslaughter. Next time we hit Waffle House, you can get a Coke on me.” Drop toehold into the stairs for HHH and we actually get a realistic looking impact. Why are tables such a big deal? It’s not like they’re that deadly.

Wouldn’t it actually break the fall a bit as you have less time in freefall? Shawn comes off with a splash from the top to the floor with a table, which is just cool looking no matter how long he’s been out. The holy crap chants have started, which is fine as this match is awesome. Correction: this match is greatness. There is a difference. The odd thing about that though is that this is really just an extended hardcore match with big names.

They’re hardly doing anything revolutionary, yet the match certainly is great. I think that goes to show just how awesome both of these guys are. They’re taking stuff that we’ve seen dozens of times before but by using storytelling and style, they’re making it look better than ever. Shawn lands the Screw You elbow and bounces up. The old school stomping on the mat clues HHH in to what’s coming and it’s countered into the Pedigree, but Shawn rolls him up to shock the world and win the match.

Normally I would have been for the Sweet Chin Music and the clean pin, but with that we can’t have what follows: HHH drilling him in the back with the hammer to become Satan incarnate. He then does it AGAIN to make Satan look like a baby bunny named Lucy.

Lawler is absolutely losing it in some of the best commentary I’ve ever seen. Ross sounds like any other heinous act, but Lawler is probably at his best ever here. The fans are chanting for HBK, but since he’s not Hulk Hogan, he can’t get up. Shawn is stretchered out as the fans are almost dead silent.

Rating: A+. Holy crap this was awesome. You have to remember, Shawn hadn’t done a freaking thing in nearly 5 years. This would be like Austin coming back and stealing the show and having one of the best matches of his life. Both guys were so on here that it’s not even funny.

Ok, now I have to bring this up because it was the talk of the IWC around this time. As you know, HHH gets a LOT of criticism for never putting people over and while today that’s complete nonsense, those complaints started around this time and I think that at this time they were completely true. “But KB, he JUST put Shawn over.” Yes he did, but you have to remember that at this time no one, not even Vince himself thought that Shawn was coming back full time.

This was a one off performance and that was it. It’s no different than when Hogan came back and beat Orton and HBK. He had nothing to lose but he didn’t put them over as they needed. It’s no different here. HBK didn’t need to win here, given the circumstances at the time. Yes, HHH put someone over, but he put someone over that didn’t need it. Less than a month after this HHH would be awarded the WHC and after a brief Shawn run HHH would hold it for over 9 months.

In that time he beat everyone and beat them soundly. That right there is where he got the reputation for never putting anyone over, and I think those are valid claims. Prior to this he had won the title at Mania 18 and lost it to Hogan, who was just another nostalgia run like HBK was right here. In other words, for over a year and a half, HHH put over HBK, his best friend, and Hogan, the biggest star of all time.

Starting with the creation of the Undisputed Title in December of 2001 and ending with Wrestlemania 21 almost three and a half years later, the longest HHH wert without being world champion: just under four and a half months. Once the second title was created in September of this year or about 2 weeks after this show until Mania 21 (Batista and Cena winning the world titles): 5 months.

Both of these times he was feuding with HBK for the majority of the time. Therefore, I think there certainly was something to those claims back then that he was either playing politics or hogging the title while refusing to put anyone over, as he was either champion or feuding with HBK.

Since we had an amazing moment, we follow it with a bit that is supposed to be funny. This was the Get The F Out campaign because of those panda lovers.

JR and Lawler don’t think HHH is a very nice person. No valentine’s day cards for them.

Howard Finkel has something to say as we have entered the Twilight Zone. He says that he’s dedicated to the business and while MLB may be going on strike (they didn’t), the fans will always have the Fink. For no reason at all, Trish comes out for this. Apparently….they’ve been feuding?

Like I said in my Smackdown review, it’s kind of awesome hearing Fink’s voice being pissed off. Trish hits on him for some reason. Howard references his penis as my scars are scarred for life. Lillian is behind them and she beats up Fink and leaves with Trish. This may have been the most pointless segment I’ve ever seen.

We see a promo package on the rise of Brock and how Rock has been training “specially” for this match, which means he’s getting in shape to film the Rundown.

WWF Title: Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

After all that, Tony Chimmel is announcing. Brock’s music is great and Heyman is in his element as the jerk agent. This match was Rock’s very last time being around any title period as he would make one last 3 month run in the spring, beating Hogan and Austin before putting Goldberg over and riding off into Hollywood, only appearing for Mania the next year.

Basically, this was to launch Brock as high up as they could in one match and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it done better. Rock was really just a trophy champion at this point, having no title matches and never really being the focus of the show at all. Since Austin was on hiatus at this point, Rock was all they had left as HHH was busy with HBK. They figured they would roll the dice on Brock and just see what happened.

There’s not a lot to say here other than Brock is destroying him. I mean this is almost an extended squash, with the fans all over Rock. It’s a smark crowd so I’m assuming they know Rock is gone after tonight. Either way, Rock is getting booed out of the building here and the fans LOVE Brock, who was turned face about three months later at Survivor Series. Actually it was a bit before, but it was official that night as Heyman turned on him, making Brock face by default.

Brock puts on a bearhug which I kid you not lasts nearly three minutes. Granted, it’s the hug that killed Hogan off, but DANG that’s a long time. After the nap I was taking ends with them finally doing something, they go to the floor and Lesnar is down. During this time, Heyman gets the worst Rock Bottom of all time through the table. Back in, Rock hits the Rock Bottom and Lesnar kicks out because that’s what monster heels do.

He hits his own Rock Bottom which Tazz calls, say it with me, the Brock Bottom, and yes, it is stupider than it sounds. They trade punches with Rock winning and going for the Elbow but Brock pops up to just take his head off with a clothesline. That was one of the hardest moves I’ve ever seen.

We get a great series of near finishers and counters, but Brock lands the F5 to completely shock the world and win the title as the fans go nuts. The ending is really fast with clichéd lines like the next big thing has arrived. I think they were pressed for time or something here because the show is over maybe 15 seconds after the pin without even a single replay.

Rating: C+. This again wasn’t about the wrestling but what it meant. As I said this was Brock’s big moment and they couldn’t have put him over any stronger if their lives depended on it. He dismantled Rock and made it look easy. Of course they would screw this up royally by putting him with Big Show who would injure him at a house show because he was too fat for Brock to throw around without hurting himself.

Scratch that. Brock could throw him around, but Show just sucked badly at this time. Either way they had no choice but to give Show the belt in an angle that was just horrid as it made Brock look pretty weak. Also, less than two weeks after this the Undisputed belt is made exclusive to Smackdown which I think is what Stephanie was laughing about earlier.

Anyway it leads to HHH being given (literally) the World Heavyweight Championship which Shawn would win at Survivor Series in the first Elimination Chamber. DAng I got off topic again. Anyway, Brock was awesome, Rock put him over and bailed, and Austin was long gone, so Brock is officially a big deal.

Overall Rating: A+. This show is awesome, but HHH/HBK should have gone on last, plain and simple. It was by far and away the bigger story and got more attention. Also, after that match, the fans weren’t spent but they weren’t as alive as they could have been for the title change.

Other than that, I don’t have any issue with this show. It’s solid all around with nothing bad on it at all. I’ve heard it compared to Mania 17 and while I don’t think it’s better or equal to it, it beats anything for second place at least off the top of my head. Highest recommendation all around here.

 

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Money in the Bank 2021
Date: July 18, 2021
Location: Dickies Arena, Fort Worth, Texas
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

After Friday’s dress rehearsal, it’s time for the first show of any serious value in front of fans. The briefcases get pulled down tonight and it would not surprise me to see one of them get cashed in, as WWE is going to want to have a big splash going into the Summerslam build. A last minute replacement would not be shocking either. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio

The Mysterios are defending and walk through a portal near an Aztec pyramid to come into the arena. There’s your budget I guess. Dominik wristdrags Jimmy out of the corner to start and grabs an armbar. Rey comes in to a nice reaction and Dominik powerbombs him onto Jimmy for two. A cheap shot takes Rey down so the double teaming can begin in the corner. Rey wastes no time in getting over to Dominik for the tag as the pace picks back up.

The Usos get him outside though and a hard swing sends Dominik into the barricade to put him in trouble. The double wishbone has Dominik down again, with McAfee saying it’s a way to tear him apart…..by the hips. Cole: “Way to catch yourself.” McAfee: “We’re on the Peacock.” Dominik gets in a shot to the ribs and makes it over for the tag to Rey. A top rope seated senton hits Jey for two but Jimmy comes in off a blind tag. That means a superkick into the pop up Samoan drop for two.

Dominik pulls Jimmy outside and Jey gets caught in 619 position, only to hit Jimmy by mistake. A shot from behind puts Rey down so Jey can hit the Superfly Splash for a heck of a near fall. Rey is back up but charges into a hot shot into the buckle. A rollup, with Jey pushing Jimmy gets the pin and the titles at 11:27.

Rating: B-. Pretty hot opener here with the absolute right ending. There was no reason to keep the titles on the Mysterios while the Usos are in the main event scene. Let them have the titles so they can run over some teams (like the Mysterios in a rematch to start) and help bask in Roman Reigns’ glory.

The opening video looks at the history of pulling down the briefcase and what it can mean for your career. The rest of the card gets a look as well.

We get another quick opening video for a bit of a double shot.

Naomi vs. Asuka vs. Natalya vs. Tamina vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Nikki Ash vs. Zelina Vega vs. Liv Morgan

Money in the Bank ladder match. After all of the entrances, it’s time to go after the ladders as Bliss just stands on the top, where she was as everyone else came out. Bliss steps down and skips around a bit but as she reaches for the briefcase (from the mat), Asuka comes in to suplex her down. A parade of knockdowns leaves Tamina standing but it’s too early for her to climb up.

Tamina crushes Vega and Morgan in the corner again but Asuka kicks her down. The ladder has Tamina down as Asuka climbs, so Tamina starts pushing it up anyway. Morgan jumps onto the ladder to push it back down until Natalya makes the save. A tug of war with the ladder breaks out, so said ladder is rammed into various ribs. Vega gets an ugly hurricanrana on Tamina on the floor and Natalya drives the ladder into Morgan in the corner. Bliss breaks that up and then crawls up the ladder for the fear factor.

Natalya pulls Bliss off and gets laughed at, followed by a drop toehold into the ladder. Vega meets Bliss on top of the ladder, where Bliss scares her with the smile. Bliss goes with the channeling and makes Vega climb down, only to climb back up herself. That brings Natalya back in to pull Bliss down and powerbomb her into the ladder. Nikki tries to come back in but gets knocked down as well, allowing Natalya to go up, despite Vega being on her back. A choke cuts Natalya off and Vega grabs the case but Morgan makes the save.

With everyone else standing in the middle of the ring brawling, Nikki climbs a ladder on the floor, poses, and then dives onto the pile (cool dive, but they stood there for fifteen seconds waiting on her). Bliss punches Cross in the face for teasing the climb and the wind up DDT plants her again.

Natalya and Tamina cut off Bliss and send her outside into the barricade. They take their time in burying Bliss underneath the ladders so Morgan goes up but Tamina makes the save. Morgan hurricanranas her into the corner but two more ladders are set up in the ring. The big climb is on with six people up at once…but Ash runs up and steals the briefcase in the middle of the fray at 15:43.

Rating: B-. They kept this moving and that’s the right idea, though I’m a little surprised by the winner. Nikki is far from the worst decision, but I’m worried that they are going to let Morgan just fall off again because her being popular doesn’t fit into her plans. I’ll take Cross winning over Bliss, but a showdown between the two of them for the briefcase would not surprise me.

We recap the Usos winning the titles.

Roman Reigns is happy and says hold onto the titles for him. Winning the titles was the easy part though because Reigns already did the easy part. Now that they all have gold (not quite), it’s time to give Reigns what he wants. The Usos both acknowledge him as the Tribal Chief and Reigns is proud of them. Hugging abounds, but Jey doesn’t look happy.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Viking Raiders vs. AJ Styles/Omos

Omos/Styles are defending and AJ gets a crazy pop. Styles and Erik start but it’s off to Omos immediately. That means some double teaming from the Vikings, which only gets them so far. It’s already back to AJ, who gets hammered down in a hurry. Erik gets sent outside though, and after decking Ivar off the apron, AJ gets launched up and over the top into a hurricanrana to take Erik down again.

Back in and Erik hits a heck of a hurricanrana on Styles, allowing the tag to Ivar to blast Styles with a clothesline. AJ manages to get over to Omos for the tag though and it’s a big slam to Ivar. That’s broken up and Erik comes back in, only to get caught with the Phenomenal Blitz. Some shotgun knees in the corner stagger Styles though and there’s a German suplex. The springboard clothesline/German suplex combination connects but AJ escapes another suplex and brings in Omos.

That means a gorilla press off the top for a big crash and Omos’ one foot cover gets two. Ivar is back up with the seated senton out of the corner so it’s back to Erik. Some running forearms stagger Omos and get him down to one knee, with the running clothesline puts Omos on the floor. Back in and AJ enziguris Ivar into the corner but the Phenomenal Forearm misses. The Viking Experience connects but Omos shoves Erik into the cover for the break. Things settle down and Omos comes back in for the chokebomb to Erik for the pin at 12:43.

Rating: B-. That might be a bit high but I had a rather good time with this one. They worked a story of trying to get rid of the monster and then picking off Styles, but the monster ultimately got the better of things. I liked the story and Omos wrestles a good monster style. Rather good match here and I had fun.

Drew McIntyre promises to win the briefcase.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Bobby Lashley for the Raw World Title. Kingston wants to get the title back and thinks Lashley is going soft. That led to Xavier Woods beating Lashley on Raw, sending Lashley completely over the edge. Lashley promises to be more serious and that could go very badly for Kingston.

Raw World Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Kofi Kingston

Lashley, with MVP, is defending but Kofi jumps him for an early two. The standing double stomp gets two more and it’s time to head outside. That’s fine with Lashley, who drives him HARD into the post to take over. Back in and Lashley plants him again, leaving Kingston to grab Lashley’s leg to pull himself up. The Hurt Lock goes on but Kingston manages to escape, earning himself a hard suplex. Lashley hits a Dominator, followed by posing and a Dominator, followed by posing and a Dominator. The Hurt Lock makes Kingston tap at 7:34.

Rating: C. I’m not sure what to say here as Lashley completely squashed him. This was pure dominance and that is exactly the way they should have gone after the end of Raw. Lashley as the ticked off and serious destroyer could have quite the shelf life and I’m curious to see where he goes next. I mean, I have a feeling I know who’s next, but it isn’t exactly appealing.

We recap Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte for the Raw Women’s Title. Ripley snapped on Charlotte last month and lost via DQ, meaning it’s time for a recap. They have traded knee injuries so both have a target on them coming in here.

Raw Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte

Ripley is defending. The fans get on Charlotte’s nerves to start before switching to the WE WANT BECKY chants. Ripley sends her to the apron and kicks her down, setting up a running dropkick to put Charlotte on the floor. Charlotte avoids a charge though and another running dropkick puts Ripley into the barricade. Back in and Charlotte slams her down by the head, setting up a boot to the chest.

The fans get on Charlotte’s nerves again though and Ripley sends her outside again. Back in and Rhea grabs a northern lights suplex for two, followed by a heck of a German suplex for the same. Ripley misses a missile dropkick though and it’s the Boston crab to put her in trouble. That’s escaped so the Figure Four is loaded up, only to be reversed into a cradle to give Rhea two. The big boot gives Charlotte two and it’s time to look all confused. Charlotte goes up but Ripley pulls her into an electric chair.

That doesn’t work either so Ripley muscles her up into a heck of a suplex for two more. Back up and Rhea’s chops just fire Charlotte up so she sends Rhea into the corner and over the top. The huge moonsault plants Ripley again but Charlotte takes too long taking her back inside. Most of the Prism Trap is on but Charlotte breaks that up as well. The Riptide is countered into a DDT for a heck of a near fall and Charlotte is stunned again. They slug it out again until Charlotte elbows her in the face for two, with the referee seeing the feet on the ropes.

Charlotte heads up top where she blocks a superplex, setting up a super Natural Selection….for two in a heck of a near fall (and drawing some Charlotte swearing). The Figure Four is countered into a German suplex into the corner but Charlotte sends her head first into the post. Charlotte ties the leg into the steps and kicks away to crush the knee. Back in and the Figure Eight goes on….and Rhea taps at 16:55.

Rating: B+. This is a two part match. First of all, you had two grown women beating the figure out of each other here with one big shot after another until one of them couldn’t hang on any longer. That was great and the super Natural Selection absolutely got me with the false finish, mainly because I didn’t think Charlotte would actually win the title.

Then there is the other part: Charlotte wins the title, beating Ripley again with the Figure Eight. Yes Ripley did win the title at Wrestlemania, but now it’s Charlotte’s time again because it’s time to give her another title reign. Not that this one is going to do anything for her, but at least she gets to cut off a new potential star before she gets the big moment. That is WWE’s Charlotte problem in one match, though it was pretty awesome on the way there. Also, major points for taking the crowd from hating this to losing their minds by the end.

Riddle runs into Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs, who get to hear about how much he misses Randy Orton. Boogs plays Orton’s theme music as Kevin Owens looks confused.

Kevin Owens vs. King Nakamura vs. Riddle vs. Big E. vs. Seth Rollins vs. Ricochet vs. John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre

Men’s Money in the Bank ladder match….at least in theory as the Peacock feed falls apart during the entrances. The audio and video are only holding up for about a second and a half at a time before cutting out, which is going to make this even harder to follow than usual. Thankfully it clears up before the bell and we can see Rollins dealing with a big gang beatdown to start. Ricochet hits a big dive to the floor and it’s off to a Big E. vs. McIntyre showdown.

After disposing of Ricochet again, McIntyre gets to slug it out with Big E. and throws him down. Big E. is back up with a toss to the apron and the spear through the ropes, with Big E. landing hard. The first ladder is brought in but Owens gets sent outside. Morrison goes up and springboards over the ladder with a corkscrew dive onto Rollins. Nakamura is back up and climbs the ladder, where he catches Morrison in a triangle choke over the top. That’s broken up by a Rollins springboard knee and the double stomping has Nakamura in trouble.

The alliance takes out McIntyre and Riddle with ladder shots, setting up a reverse Regal roll to send Riddle into the ladder. Ricochet comes back in to strike away until he gets dropped onto the ladder for the big crash. Now it’s Owens’ turn to get double teamed but it takes too long to set up the announcers’ table. Back in and a limping Owens manages a moonsault, only to get backdropped onto the side of a ladder on the mat.

McIntyre gets back in but gets dropped onto the ladder, setting up the moonsault elbow from Morrison. That’s enough of him for Rollins, who hits Morrison in the face with the ladder to break up the alliance. Ricochet clears the ring but a reverse hurricanrana to McIntyre is countered with the reverse Alabama Slam into the ladder in the corner. McIntyre hits the big no hands flip dive onto a bunch of people at ringside but has to headbutt Rollins back inside.

There’s the Claymore to Rollins and McIntyre goes up but Veer and Shanky come in for the save because JINDER MAHAL IS A THING AND YOU WILL CARE ABOUT HIS MAIN EVENT GLORY!!! AGAIN!!! McIntyre is taken out and Riddle goes up, only to have Ricochet springboard up onto it as well. The ladder is shoved over with Ricochet…landing on the top rope and hitting a springboard flip dive onto the pile, just because he can. Riddle is stunned, as he should be.

Back in and Riddle slugs it out with Ricochet on top of the ladder as Rollins set up one of his own. Big E. takes out Rollins so Riddle hits an RKO on Big E. and Ricochet. That lets Rollins Stomp Riddle but Nakamura remembers that he’s in the match and takes Rollins down. He gets his hand on the briefcase but the Drip Stick cuts him down too.

Owens is back in to pull Morrison down and give him the Stunner, followed by one for Nakamura. The Pop Up Powerbomb gets rid of Ricochet but this time it’s Rollins powerbombing Owens through the ladder at ringside for the huge crash. Big E. is back up with the Big Ending off the ladder though and he wins the briefcase at 18:13. I would not have bet on that one.

Rating: B. Well ok then. Big E. has seemed ready to be pushed to the top of the company for a long time now and if this is the way to get there, I think I’m down with it. The man has more charisma than he knows what to do with and it would be great to see him finally do something with it. The match itself was the usual car crash and that’s exactly what it was supposed to be, so well done on the match with the great ending.

Big E. gets in a rather long celebration and you can feel the energy.

Seth Rollins is furious over the loss and says that wasn’t good enough. He needs a new plan and change and isn’t waiting to be the next Universal Champion.

We recap Edge vs. Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. Edge was supposed to win the title at Wrestlemania but then just didn’t, as Reigns wrecked both he and Daniel Bryan. Now Edge is back for his one on one title match and knows he can make Reigns tap, even if it takes a piece of a chair.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Edge

Reigns, with Paul Heyman, is defending. They stare each other down to start and soak in the dueling chants. The lockup takes a bit but it’s Edge driving him into the corner for a slap. They actually go technical with Edge getting the better of things to get on Reigns’ nerves. Back up and Reigns runs him over with a shoulder, meaning it’s time to yell at the crowd a bit. Edge takes some time getting up but starts working on the arm.

That earns him a punch to the face and the big clotheslines in the corner make it even worse. Reigns seems to bang up the arm though and Edge wraps it around the post. That means we need a breather on the floor until Edge follows him out, only to charge into a Samoan drop. Reigns breaks the count and posts Edge for a big knockdown as the pace slows. Back in and Reigns stomps away in the corner before throwing him outside again. Reigns takes him back inside and unloads with forearms to the face, followed by the chinlock.

To keep things fresh, Reigns shouts at the fans a bit. McAfee says Edge’s eyes are fluttering like Peacock and Edge is draped over the bottom rope. That means the running apron dropkick for two and it’s time for the Superman Punch. That’s countered into a backslide, followed by stereo big boots for a double knockdown. Back up and the slugout goes to Reigns, who gets pulled into the Edge-O-Matic for two.

Edge hits some clotheslines into the Edgecution for two and the kickout staggers Edge a bit. Reigns catches him on top but gets sent into the post to tie him in the Tree of Woe. Edge unloads on him to set up the STF (or Crossface according to Cole), which he switches into the Crossface at the last second. The rope is grabbed for the save though and they’re both down again. Back up and Reigns slaps on the guillotine until Edge drives them through the ropes and out to the floor in a crash.

It’s Reigns up first but his spear only hits barricade. Edge breaks up the count and hits a spear of his own through the other barricade. That’s good for two back inside but Reigns is back with a Superman Punch. The ref is bumped on the crash though and winds up holding his knee, which gets Reigns’ attention. That means Reigns can go outside and break up a chair, but Edge cuts it off and fires off headbutts.

The Crossface with the bar goes on as the referee is taken out but here are the Usos….to be cut off by the Mysterios. Reigns is out in the hold as we STILL don’t have another referee. Cue Seth Rollins to lay Edge out and the spear is loaded up, only to have Edge hit his own spear for a VERY delayed two from another referee. Cue Rollins again so Edge kicks him down, earning himself a spear from Reigns to retain the title at 33:16.

Rating: B-. This took some time to get going but it never quite got over the hump. The time didn’t help them and they probably had one too many moments at the end before just getting to the point. What matters is that Edge can still have a good match on this level and that’s nice to see. Just find a way to trim some of this down a bit and it would be that much better, but it was still good as it was.

Post match Rollins says that Edge would be champion if not for him so Reigns owes him. Edge gets up and jumps Rollins to fight him into the crowd. Reigns grabs the mic and says everyone can acknowledge him….and JOHN CENA Is back to some thunderous roaring. Cena is all fired up to be home and steps towards Reigns, who can’t see him to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Money in the Bank is one of those shows that just works most years, mainly because WWE knows how to do the ladder matches rather well. I’m still not big on the build to them, but the shows themselves are almost always great. Throw in the big angle at the end to set up the Summerslam dream main event and there wasn’t much here to be annoyed about. Nothing was bad, a lot of Summerslam is ready, and they are trying some new people with the briefcases. Awesome show, with the crowd bringing it up a whole bunch of notches.

Results
Nikki Ash won Money in the Bank
AJ Styles/Omos b. Viking Raiders – Chokebomb to Erik
Bobby Lashley b. Kofi Kingston – Hurt Lock
Charlotte b. Rhea Ripley – Figure Eight
Big E. won Money in the Bank
Roman Reigns b. Edge – Spear

 

 

 

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No Way Out 2007
Date: February 18, 2007
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s that show where WWE pretends that it matters while showing us a commercial for Wrestlemania. The main event is a tag match between the Wrestlemania main events, which should be a quality though unimportant match. Other than that, we are getting a Divas Talent Show, which should be as exciting as it sounds. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on the tag match, because that’s about all that matters around here.

Commentary welcomes us to the show, with JBL ranting about the Spanish team.

Chris Benoit/Hardys vs. MVP/MNM

Bonus match which combines….well just one feud as MVP and Benoit haven’t had any major issues. Matt and Mercury slug it out to start until Mercury charges into a raised boot in the corner. The Hardys start taking over on the arm until Mercury pulls him down by the hair. Nitro comes in and gets his arm cranked as well so MVP will try it instead. That’s fine with Benoit, who is right there to slam him down.

MVP gets chopped into the corner and MNM bails away in a hurry. Benoit gets two off a snap suplex and hands it off to Jeff, who gets slowed down by a rake to the eyes. Nitro comes in for the big staredown and suckers Jeff outside, where Mercury gets in a cheap shot. Back in and we hit the chinlock from Nitro, followed by one from Mercury. A suplex gives MVP two but Jeff gets to the corner for a quick Whisper in the Wind. It’s back to Matt to pick up the pace but MVP takes him down into a cravate.

Ballin gets two on Matt and Mercury comes in to go after Matt’s face again. Matt fights out of Nitro’s front facelock and hits a clothesline, allowing the hot tag off to Benoit. A double German suplex drops MNM and everything breaks down. Poetry In Motion hits MVP and another suplex gets two on Mercury. Nitro dives off the apron with a clothesline to Jeff but has to dive back in to break up the Crossface on MVP. Matt saves Benoit from the Snapshot and it’s the Crossface to make Mercury tap.

Rating: B. I can always go for a good six man and they were going pretty fast throughout here. Mixing up a pair of feuds (or at least one feud and two more people) opens up some extra options and keeps things from being the same stuff over and over. Really good opener here and that shouldn’t be the biggest surprise.

Vickie Guerrero has some options and one of her biggest is coming true on Smackdown. She hugs Krystal and thanks her for everything.

Finlay talks with the Leprechaun (who can speak fine here), who is scared of the Boogeyman. Well the Little Boogeyman, because little people are scary. Finlay throws him into a trashcan so he won’t be so scared and then leaves….and the Boogeyman smoke comes up. Little Boogeyman pops up and screaming ensues.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

Gregory Helms is defending in a gauntlet match. Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #1 and Daivari is in at #2. Daivari sends him into the corner for some right hands but Scotty comes back with the bulldog. There’s the Worm and Daivari is done in a hurry. Gregory Helms is in at #1 and hammers on Scotty, including a catapult to send him throat first into the middle rope. Scotty is back with a belly to back suplex but the Worm is broken up. What would become known as the Codebreaker gets rid of Scotty so it’s Funaki in at #4.

Helms small packages him for the pin in about five seconds and it’s Shannon Moore in at #5. A spinning backbreaker gives Helms a fast two and a belly to belly superplex drops Moore again. Another Codebreaker gets rid of Moore and it’s Jimmy Wang Yang in at #6. Yang goes right after him and hits a standing moonsault for two. A Russian legsweep sets up some weird arm hold on the mat but Helms is back up in a hurry with a hard right hand. Yang grabs a quick hurricanrana for the pin out of nowhere, guaranteeing a new champion.

Jamie Noble is in at #7 as JBL demands more time to talk about Helms losing the title. A hard shot to the face sets up a chinlock on Yang and Noble sends him hard into the post for two. Yang fights back with a few clotheslines and the spinwheel kick for two of his own. The moonsault press gets rid of Noble and Yang thinks he has won….but it’s Chavo Guerrero in at #8 to complete the field.

Chavo uppercuts him down a few times and kicks Yang in the back to take over in a hurry. A spinwheel kick gives Yang a breather and the big dive to the floor drops Chavo again. Back in and Chavo hits Three Amigos, which Cole calls disrespectful for some reason. Yang gets in another shot to the face and goes up, only to miss the twisting moonsault. The frog splash gives Chavo the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. I’m really not a fan of this style as it’s a bunch of mini matches rather than anything getting time. Chavo winning the title is fine, but the rapid fire falls brings up the same thing I always wonder with this format: why is it so much easier to get a fall in this one than in any given match? Either way, at least the title is off of Helms, who was getting hammered with losses that WWE didn’t seem to think counted because he was still champion.

John Cena isn’t worried about teaming with Shawn Michaels tonight. What does have him concerned is facing Batista and Undertaker tonight. As for Michaels, what is going to happen when you can feel this much tension? Cena doesn’t know either.

Finlay/Leprechaun vs. Boogeyman/Little Boogeyman

The Leprechaun is as terrified as you would expect and hides underneath the ring, leaving this as a handicap match. Cole finds it funny, sending JBL into a rant about how Cole is xenophobic for hating Irish people. Boogeyman punches Finlay down to start and they head outside with Finlay being sent into the apron. Back in and Boogeyman hits a powerslam for two, allowing Little Boogeyman to come in for a seated senton. The Leprechaun comes in, puts his hat on Finlay and rolls up his sleeves, allowing Finlay to kick Little Boogeyman in the head.

JBL has no idea what he is watching as Finlay stomps away on Little Boogeyman and grabs a short armscissors. Little Boogeyman gets out and goes underneath the ring, but Boogeyman comes out. Back in and Boogeyman catapults Finlay into the corner and a double splash connects, with the Leprechaun making the save. Boogeyman loads up the worms to chase the Leprechaun off, leaving Finlay to hit the Little Boogeyman with the Shillelagh for the pin.

Rating: D. The goofiness was high with this one but it’s kind of hard to get that angry about it. They made no secret of what they were going for here and the match went about as well as it was going to with all the nuttiness. Finlay and the Leprechaun do well together and it’s kind of funny to have a Little Boogeyman to balance things out. That and Finlay hitting Little Boogeyman in the head with a club was worth a chuckle at the end.

Of note: we are about an hour into the show and Cole’s voice is almost gone. This could be an interesting remaining two hours.

Shawn Michaels says he can’t trust John Cena because he only trusts HHH. No matter what happens tonight though, he has to make sure that nothing happens to Cena until Wrestlemania.

King Booker vs. Kane

Booker has Queen Sharmell in his corner, and we get a quick recap (Booker eliminated Kane from the Royal Rumble after being eliminated himself) during the entrances. Booker tries to run to start but gets caught in the corner for some elbows to the face. Kane doesn’t seem to mind getting hit in the face and takes Booker outside for elbow on the apron. As the beating continues, JBL goes into the Inferno match AGAIN, with Cole asking what JBL would have done to win the match.

The side slam and big boot set up a clothesline to the floor as Booker is still in trouble. Booker gets in a few shots of his own though and a missile dropkick connects for two back inside. The armbar goes on for a bit, followed by a kick to the face to give Booker two. Kane gets chopped down in the corner but he comes back with a suplex for a breather.

Booker kicks him in the ribs but misses the ax kick, allowing Kane to hit a running clothesline. The right hands in the corner rock Booker again and there’s the side slam. Kane’s top rope clothesline (closer to a right hang) draws Sharmell up to the apron and Booker nails the side kick. Not that it matters as Kane pops up with the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C. Perfectly fine match here as Kane gets a nice boost and King Booker’s run continues to cool off. There isn’t much left for him to do very high up on the card and that makes sense. King Booker wasn’t a gimmick that was going to have a very long term run on top and it has taken its course. Putting someone like Kane over is a good thing, as he could be used to make someone look bigger later.

Batista says Raw is going to lose tonight and he isn’t intimidated by Undertaker, John Cena or Shawn Michaels.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Deuce and Domino

Deuce and Domino, with Cherry, are challenging after winning back to back non-title matches. Domino drives London into the corner to start and they trade slaps. A jumping elbow drops Domino and it’s off to Kendrick to work on the arm. The champs clear the ring in a hurry and it’s time for a breather on the floor. Back in and Domino gets in a shot from behind on London to take over for the first time.

London gets whipped into some raised knees in the corner and we hit the double arm crank with a knee in the back. Deuce sends London hard into the corner and there’s a double backdrop for two. The chinlock goes on, allowing the referee to go over and say something to Kendrick in a weird visual. London fights up and gets the tag, setting up a quick spinning backslide for two on Deuce. Domino is back in but misses a Doomsday Device clothesline, allowing Kendrick to victory roll Deuce for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. I liked the match but I’m a bit confused by the ending. This was set up for the title change and there was little reason for them to not change the belts here. London and Kendrick have cooled down a bit in recent weeks and it is time for them to drop the titles already. Deuce and Domino are kind of perfect for that, but I guess they have to be slowed a bit on the way there.

Cole’s voice is barely holding up.

Video on Bobby Lashley’s childhood, which led to his successful amateur wrestling career. This is the same thing that aired on ECW last week.

Mr. Kennedy thinks Bobby Lashley is just like everyone here in Los Angeles: a phony wannabe. Everyone has a dream but he is standing here and they are all out there. He has beaten Lashley before and he can do it again, this time becoming the new ECW World Cha….and here is Lashley to say the one word for Kennedy is halitosis. Lashley drops him too, giving us a great confused Kennedy look.

ECW World Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and Kennedy jumps him from behind during the entrances. That doesn’t exactly work on Lashley, who beats him near the barricade and takes it inside for the opening bell. A backdrop into a slam has Kennedy in more trouble and the delayed vertical suplex gets two. Kennedy slips away though and kicks Lashley down in the corner. Lashley grabs a torture rack but a rake to the eyes gets Kennedy out of trouble.

JBL talks about how this is the Wrestlemania of the future as Kennedy puts on something like a reverse Figure Four (with Lashley face down and Kennedy face up). With that broken up, Kennedy switches to a half crab so Lashley has to grab a rope. Back up and Lashley tries a slam but the leg gives out, allowing Kennedy to take him down again. A running dropkick to the knee gets two, with JBL saying to take notes if you want to be a sports entertainer.

More stomping in the corner sets up a DDT for two as the fans are not exactly thrilled. The half crab goes on again but this time Kennedy lets it go and puts him down again. The Kenton Bomb hits raised knees though and the leg is fine enough for the torture rack into the kneeling backbreaker. Kennedy “accidentally” bumps the referee and takes out Lashley’s leg again before grabbing a chair. Lashley takes it away and hits Kennedy for the lame DQ.

Rating: C-. I don’t get the boring chants from the fans but the ending wasn’t very good. Sure you don’t want Kennedy to take a fall (as he has done enough as of late) so why put them in this situation if that is all you have? They were in a bad place here and the match might not have been thrilling, but it could have been a lot worse. It could have been a lot shorter too, but I don’t think I would have said boring.

Rey Mysterio is back on Smackdown, but just to talk.

The Condemned is coming.

Vinnie Jones, co-star in the Condemned, says he is the real star of the movie and he beat up Steve Austin….presumably in the movie?

The Miz hosts the Divas Talent Invitational, starting with Extreme Expose. They dance, people drool, next act.

Next up is Jillian Hall, who is excited to have her big break in front of these music executives. First she has to warm up and doesn’t like the lack of bass. She sings her original version, with Miz saying she is the female version of William Hung. Jillian goes into a rant about how Extreme Expose couldn’t even be her backup dancers. She goes on about the other women’s “talents” and calls them b******. Cue the rest of the women to beat her up for the catfight, with referees breaking it up.

Ashley comes out with the talent of showing her Playboy cover and taking off her top, revealing strategically placed Playboy Bunny stickers. That’s enough for the win, shockingly enough.

Wrestlemania is All Grown Up. I like that one, though I’m still not sure I get it.

We recap the main event of Undertaker/Batista vs. Shawn Michaels/John Cena. Undertaker won the Royal Rumble and is facing Batista, while Shawn Michaels, the Royal Rumble runner up, is challenging Cena. Take two Wrestlemania main events and make a tag match.

John Cena/Shawn Michaels vs. Batista/Undertaker

Non-title. Shawn comes out to the DX theme and entrance as he continues to reach post-Strike Force Tito Santana levels of not being able to let it go. Batista knocks Cena into the corner to start but Cena comes back with right hands. That earns him a Regal Roll of all things and an early powerslam gets two. Cena avoids a charge into the corner though and it’s off to Shawn to fire off the chops.

That doesn’t last long as Batista powers him down and brings in Undertaker for a quick Old School. Undertaker shoves away the right hands in the corner and gets two off the big boot. Batista comes back in but misses an elbow, allowing the tag back to Cena. Undertaker is right back in as well and you can feel the energy coming up for the showdown. Cena catches Undertaker going up top (that’s a rare one) with a superplex but Undertaker sits back up.

The right hands rock Undertaker, who drops Cena again. This time it’s Undertaker missing an elbow of his own so it’s back to Shawn, who is gorilla pressed out to the floor in the big crash. Back in and Cena makes the save, leaving Shawn to get pounded down in the corner. Shawn gets in a shot to Undertaker’s knee and starts firing off right hands in the corner, as JBL compares this to getting to see WWE vs. WCW. Egads I’d hope it’s better than that.

Batista comes in for a series of clotheslines into a headlock but Shawn manages a running DDT. The hot tag brings in Cena to start cleaning house, including the Shuffle to Batista. Undertaker breaks up the FU and fights outside with Shawn, leaving Batista to hit a spinebuster. The Batista Bomb is broken up by Shawn’s shot to the knee and it’s time to take turns on Batista for a change. Cena blasts him with a clothesline for two as Cole has just stopped talking as his voice is gone. Shawn grabs a front facelock but Batista powers him off without much effort.

That’s not enough for the tag though as Cena is right there with a sleeper on the suddenly busted open Batista. The STFU has Batista in trouble in the middle of the ring, with Undertaker taking his time to make the save. It’s back to Shawn for the top rope elbow but Sweet Chin Music is countered into a swinging Boss Man Slam. That’s enough for the hot tag back to Undertaker as everything breaks down. Undertaker beats up both of them without much trouble….until Batista spinebusters him down. Batista watches from ringside as it’s Sweet Chin Music into the FU to finish Undertaker.

Rating: B. The word for this match is big, as it felt like a match that belonged in a main event spot. It didn’t matter that there were no stakes and it won’t matter until Wrestlemania, but they got into a groove so that it felt like a match between two teams. That made Batista turning on Undertaker at the end feel important, and gives us the closest thing to a villain in the title match, even if it is more of an edgy good guy instead. Heck of a match here and a nice surprise.

Batista stares at Undertaker, who pulls himself up to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show is bookended by a pair of good matches but the middle is pretty all over the place. What helps this show more than anything else is the complete lack of expectations coming in. There was no reason to expect a good show here and we wound up getting a fine one, though only the opener and main event are really worth seeing. It is time to get ready for Wrestlemania now though, and that could not come soon enough.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Hell In A Cell 2021
Date: June 20, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee, Jimmy Smith, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

It’s time for another big theme show with the event focusing on the match we saw two days ago. This time we have a pair of matches inside the Cell, as Bianca Belair defends the Smackdown Women’s Title against Bayley and Drew McIntyre challenges Bobby Lashley for the WWE Title. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Mandy Rose vs. Natalya

Dana Brooke and Tamina are here too. Natalya grabs a headlock takeover as commentary talks about Natalya complaining about Mandy’s looks. Mandy grabs a wristlock so Natalya spins out, only to get sunset flipped for two. They flip around each other a lot without making much contact until Natalya gets dropped throat first across the top rope. Some stomping in the corner keeps Natalya down, setting up the bodyscissors.

Natalya powers up to hit a slam but Mandy hammers her down with forearms to the back. An abdominal stretch goes on, with Mandy hooking the toe to make Gorilla Monsoon proud. Natalya reverses into one of her own (no toe hooking) as commentary goes back to Mandy being a fitness model.

That’s broken up so Mandy tries a bulldog, only to get dropped down instead. Natalya’s step over basement dropkick gets two but Mandy pops up for a middle rope version. A rollup gives Mandy two and Natalya blasts her with the discus lariat. Mandy is right back with a knee to the face for two and Mandy can’t believe the kickout. The grappling goes to Natalya, who pulls her into the Sharpshooter for the tap at 9:43.

Rating: C-. So to recap, Natalya complained about Mandy only being there for her looks and then beat her in a match. I’m not sure what kind of a future that offers for the women’s division but at least the match got a bit of time. Mandy did a little better than usual on the mat and you can tell that she has gained a lot with experience.

The opening video features a woman talking into a radio microphone on the radio station in h***. It’s ok to be scared when you’re standing at the gates, which moves us into the traditional look at the matches on the card.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Bianca Belair vs. Bayley. Belair won the title at Wrestlemania but Bayley has laughed at her ever since. That’s too far for Belair, who has dealt with disrespect since she was three feet tall. Therefore, Belair challenged her to a match but after Bayley kept laughing, Belair wanted to put it inside the Cell. For some reason this included every screen in the Thunderdome being changed to a shot of Bayley laughing or holding up the title. Twice.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Bayley

Belair is defending inside the Cell and slams Bayley down a few times to start. A clothesline puts Bayley on the floor and it’s time for an early breather. That lets Bayley snap Belair’s throat across the middle rope and it’s time for some chairs. Bayley’s big swing is countered into a rollup for two and Belair sends her hard into the corner to take over. A superplex is loaded up so Bayley tries to punch her down, only to have Belair backflip down onto her feet. Of course she can do that.

Belair is sent shoulder first into the post though and Bayley adds a boot for two. The bad arm is sent into the corner and something like a Downward Spiral on the arm keeps Belair down. Bayley brings the steps in but stops to tie Belair’s hair around the bottom rope. A running kick just winds up tripping Bayley onto the steps and Belair unties herself (McAfee: “I can’t untie my shoes sometimes!”) to send Bayley into the Cell.

Bayley bites her to escape and Belair seems to be in shock. A kendo stick shot (with two sticks taped together this time) rocks Belair again and a sunset bomb into the Cell makes it even worse. Bayley pulls out two more a pair of kendo sticks taped together to make them longer (as in four total between two sticks) but spends too much time telling Cole to shut up. The delay lets Belair spinebust her through the sticks for two back inside.

Belair grabs a chair but Bayley kicks it back into her face and then wraps the bad arm into said chair. Things get even more creative/painful as Bayley ties Belair’s hair to the chair. That takes too long though and Belair sends the steps into Bayley’s knees. Now it’s Belair tying her hair around Bayley’s wrist and beating her with the kendo sticks. Bayley tries to get out the door but can’t get around that pesky padlock.

And now, since we haven’t had enough stuff thrown in there, it’s time for a ladder. Belair is sent into said ladder and Bayley crushes her inside of it, setting up the Rose Plant. Bayley bangs up her knee in the process though and it’s a delayed cover for two. Back up and Belair hits a Glam Slam into the corner (with the shoulder giving out a bit so it doesn’t have full impact). Bayley is laid on the ladder for a backsplash and the KOD onto the open ladder retains the title at 19:45.

Rating: B. This is one of those matches where your standards may vary. As a Cell match, it wasn’t much as the Cell played a very small role in the whole thing. Granted that has been the case with the Cell for far too long now so it is kind of hard to make that much of a criticism. In other words, it was a weapons match which happened to be wrapped in a Cell, and it worked well in that regard. Good match, with Belair rising to the occasion and Bayley doing her thing as always.

Post Summerslam ads, Belair says that was tough but she will never forgive Bayley.

Bobby Lashley, with his female companions, is ready.

Alexa Bliss says that was a rough night for Bayley, but she is glad we’re here. Lily is still in time out (there is hope for this show) but tonight, Shayna Baszler needs to learn two lessons: expect the unexpected and be careful what you wish for, because you never know what might answer.

We recap Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins. Cesaro beat Rollins at Wrestlemania so Rollins came back to jump him soon thereafter. That put Cesaro on the shelf for a few weeks but he came back on Bayley’s talk show and jumped Rollins for a change. They had a sitdown interview where Cesaro shoved Rollins’ chair over while announcing the match.

Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins jumps him during the entrance again and the brawl is on before the bell. Cesaro goes with the power to start and drives Rollins into the corner for an early two. Some uppercuts in the corner rock Rollins again but he pulls Cesaro face first into the buckle. A rake to the eyes lets Rollins choke with a boot but Cesaro muscles him up for a suplex and a breather. Rollins backdrops him out to the floor though and the running knee off the apron drops Cesaro again.

Back in and Rollins stays on the eye but Cesaro slugs away with the uppercuts to put Rollins down. The black glove is taken off and Cesaro kicks it out of the for a moment that might not be as symbolic as WWE was hoping it to be. A powerslam gives Cesaro two but the Neutralizer is countered with a backdrop to the apron. Cesaro’s superplex attempt is broken up so he goes with a high crossbody for two instead. Rollins is back with a forearm to the back of the head for two of his own and the kickout has him frustrated.

After shouting that Cesaro has not earned anything, Rollins grabs an armbar before hitting the Falcon Arrow for two. The Stomp misses and Cesaro is back up with a discus lariat for a double knockdown. Cesaro plants him down to set up the Swing (not as long as usual), followed by the Sharpshooter. With that not working, Cesaro switches into a Crossface but Rollins rolls him up for two. The Sharpshooter goes on again but Cesaro lets it go to stomp on the arm a few times. Rollins counters another Sharpshooter attempt into a small package for the clean pin at 16:15.

Rating: B. I was worried about this one for Cesaro but I can understand why they went with Rollins here. Rollins is one of the handful of truly established stars that WWE has and it makes sense to have him get a win back here. I’m not sure what this means for Cesaro, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up for his future. The match itself was the usual good back and forth WWE style match, with the ending being a bit of a surprise. Was anyone expecting these two to not work well though?

Money in the Bank is coming on July 18. Time for people to have random matches against each other and call it building momentum, even though pins and submissions have nothing to do with winning a ladder match!

We recap Shayna Baszler vs. Alexa Bliss. Baszler doesn’t like Lily because she’s a doll, but it turns out that Lily is evil and has used her fire powers to try and kill Baszler a few times. Now Lily is in time out so it’s time for a match. Yeah it hasn’t been any better off of paper either.

Shayna Baszler doesn’t like hearing about Lily and calls Alexa Bliss a lunatic. Bliss has fun playing with dolls, but Baszler has fun hurting people. Nia Jax and Reginald come in to offer support so Baszler slaps Reginald in the face.

Alexa Bliss vs. Shayna Baszler

Reginald and Nia Jax are here too. Bliss stands still at the bell so Reginald offers a distraction, allowing Baszler to hammer away in the corner. Baszler’s knee suddenly gives out so Bliss crawls over to her and starts kicking at the knee. Some kicks put Bliss in the corner for a running knee but she just laughs. Graves wants to know when you give up and call the Winchester brothers as Baszler suplexes her down. Some standing on the head sets up the big stomp on the arm to put Bliss in trouble.

That lasts all of a few seconds as Bliss starts laughing and glares at her as Baszler cranks on the arm. The evil face goes on and Baszler lets go, allowing Bliss to forearm her in the face. A Thesz press into some right hands set up a DDT to give Bliss two. With Baszler down, Bliss stares at Nia Jax, who goes into a trance and slaps Reginald down. They scream at each other so Baszler grabs the Kirifuda Clutch, which Bliss escapes in a hurry. The wind up DDT sets up Twisted Bliss for the pin at 6:55 as Nia snaps out of it.

Rating: D+. You know, Bliss having mind control powers and putting Nia in a trance is a heck of a lot better than I would have expected here. Throw in Reginald getting hurt and the match was actually a refreshing change. Of course it wasn’t very good or anything, but that’s not why you watch a match like this one. The lack of Lily has made this a good bit more bearable, though I’m almost scared to see where they go next with the thing.

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

Sami has laughed at and attacked Owens after Commander Azeez hurt Owens a few times. Owens unloads on him to start and hits the big chop in the corner. You can hear Owens coughing and he might be coughing up blood as he elbows Sami down. There’s the backsplash but Owens can’t breathe again. Sami uses the break to get in a few shots, only to have Owens chop the skin off of his chest. With the direct approach not working, Sami goes for the throat and puts on a quick chinlock to keep Owens down.

Owens drops him on the top rope and hits the Cannonball but the breathing catches up with him again. Zayn sends it outside and hits the big flip dive, leaving Owens holding his wrist. That’s not cool with Zayn, who kicks him outside where Owens can’t breathe again. Back in and Owens sweeps the legs to hammer away, followed by another trip to the floor. Owens hits a clothesline but the Swanton off the apron hits knees to put them both down again.

Back in and the Blue Thunder Bomb gives Zayn two but Owens gets in a few shots of his own. The Stunner is countered into a half and half suplex so Zayn can stomp away. Owens rolls outside and coughs a lot more but Owens manages a Stunner. Zayn barely beats the count so they slug it out from their knees with Owens getting the better of things. Now it’s Owens stomping away like Zayn did to him but the bad arm is snapped across the top rope. A running knee sends Owens’ throat into the rope and the Helluva Kick gives Zayn the pin at 12:38.

Rating: C+. This had a different story to it, though I’m curious to see more about Owens’ arm injury. If that was legit, points to Owens for grinding through a pretty good match. If it wasn’t, points to Owens for making me think it was. Zayn needed this win a lot more than Owens and when you consider the breathing deal, there was no real reason to have Zayn lose. Makes sense, and good stuff because they know each other so well.

Zayn is VERY pleased with his win and calls it karmic justice. He even yells at commentary about what happened.

We look at Roman Reigns retaining the Universal Title over Rey Mysterio in the Cell on Smackdown. Jimmy Uso congratulated Reigns on his win.

We recap Charlotte vs. Rhea Ripley for the Raw Women’s Title. Ripley won the title at Wrestlemania and Charlotte wants it back. They have gone at it multiple times since then, with Ripley wanting to retain the title and avenge her loss at Wrestlemania last year.

Raw Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte

Ripley is defending and we get the Big Match Intros. With those out of the way, Charlotte kicks her in the face before the bell and gets a very quick two as a result. Ripley is back up with a big boot of her own but Charlotte takes her straight into the corner. The chinlock goes on for a bit but they head outside, with Charlotte kicking her into the barricade. Back in and Charlotte shouts a lot until Ripley rocks her with a headbutt. A superkick puts Charlotte down again but she ties the legs up in the ropes to slow Ripley right back down.

Ripley is fine enough to hit a running shot to put Charlotte down on the floor, setting up the Prism Trap back inside. That’s reversed with a roll into the buckle and Natural Selection, with a foot on the rope, gets two. Ripley grabs a quick suplex but the knee is too banged up, allowing Charlotte to hit a backbreaker into a Downward Spiral into the buckle. A moonsault (with Charlotte having to land on her feet and then hit a standing version) gets two but Ripley catches her on top.

That means a superplex can give Ripley two and they’re both down. The brawl is on with Ripley grabbing a quick Riptide for two and they head outside again. This time Charlotte dropkicks the steps next to Ripley’s knee (the camera angle really hurt that) and they head back inside for the Figure Four. Ripley manages to roll over and get to the floor for the break, complete with a lot of screaming. With nothing else working, Ripley tears off the top of the announcers’ table to hit Charlotte in the face for the DQ at 14:11.

Rating: C. So Charlotte mostly dominated the match and then wins by DQ in the end, setting up another title match down the line. There are a lot of criticisms of Charlotte being presented as far too strong and…..well this was kind of a good example. Ripley looked like she had to escape here and for the life of me I do not get why she is not being presented as an equal. She has all of the skills and talent you could want, but she has been treated as secondary to Charlotte every time they have been paired together. Charlotte is the most decorated woman in WWE history. Putting Ripley over once is not going to destroy her career.

Post match Ripley hits another Riptide and insists that she be named as the winner. Ripley leaves, with Charlotte saying “you’re learning b****.”

We recap Drew McIntyre vs. Bobby Lashley for the WWE Title. McIntyre beat Kofi Kingston to become #1 contender for the third straight pay per view, so Lashley wants it to be his last shot. That’s fine with Drew, who wants it in the Cell, and then broke a table with a sword.

WWE Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending with MVP in his corner. They stare each other down for a bit before Lashley heads outside to grab some weapons. That’s fine with Drew, who sends him face first into the Cell to take over. Lashley is right back with a hard ram into the Cell so McIntyre suplexes him into the steel as well. A shot with the steps puts Lashley down again and McIntyre takes it back inside for the overhead belly to belly. McIntyre sets up a table against the Cell but MVP slips Lashley the cane.

That goes into McIntyre’s throat to cut him off but he counters a suplex into the post. An Air Raid Crash plants Lashley onto the steps so he goes to the throat to cut McIntyre off again. McIntyre bounces off of the Cell and comes right back with a clothesline to drop Lashley. They head inside with a rather stoic McIntyre hitting him in the back with a chair but a top rope chair shot is countered into a failed Hurt Lock attempt.

McIntyre’s spinebuster gets two and Lashley is dumped hard to the floor. McIntyre picks up the steps but Lashley drives him straight into the Cell and goes nuts as he pounds McIntyre down. With some help from MVP, Lashley pins McIntyre in the corner of the Cell with a kendo stick and unloads on him again. Back in and the Downward Spiral sends McIntyre face first into an open chair for a nasty landing.

Lashley unloads on him with kendo stick shots but McIntyre blocks a swing and hits a headbutt. McIntyre grabs the chair so Lashley pokes him in the eye. The referee gets bumped and Lashley is sent into the chair in the corner, meaning the Futureshock gets no count. McIntyre counters the Hurt Lock and hits the Claymore as the second referee comes in, only to be pulled out by MVP. That earns him a beating including a Claymore but Lashley is right back with the Hurt Lock on the floor.

That’s broken up with McIntyre driving him through the table in the corner and they’re both down again. Back in and McIntyre (whose back is all cut and banged up) unloads with some chair shots but the Claymore misses. Lashley sends him to the apron for a release Rock Bottom through a table. Back in and the spear is sent into the corner, allowing McIntyre to grab a backslide for two. The Futureshock connects but MVP grabs McIntyre’s leg, allowing Lashley to roll him up with trunks for the pin to retain at 25:49.

Rating: B+. This felt like a match with some weight behind it and the violence helped a lot as well. These are two big guys who can beat each other up with power moves and that is all you need a lot of the time. It also had the right ending, as there was no reason to take the title off of Lashley yet. Two guys hitting each other over and over again for a long time with a title on the line. That’s a pretty good formula for a main event and it worked rather well.

Lashley and MVP pose while McIntyre looks devastated to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. They kept this to the point and had three out of the six matches be rather good with only Bliss vs. Baszler not being so great. You might not be pleased with Charlotte vs. Ripley, but the rest of the show ranged from pretty good to very good. The main criticism here is that the show did not feel like it mattered in the slightest, with more than one feud feeling like it is just going to continue. Odds are that is the case with Money in the Bank and then Summerslam on the horizon, but at least they had a good show on the way there.

Results
Bianca Belair b. Bayley – KOD onto a ladder
Seth Rollins b. Cesaro – Small package
Alexa Bliss b. Shayna Baszler – Twisted Bliss
Sami Zayn b. Kevin Owens – Helluva Kick
Charlotte b. Rhea Ripley via DQ when Charlotte used part of the announcers’ table
Bobby Lashley b. Drew McIntyre – Rollup with trunks

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New Year’s Revolution 2007
Date: January 7, 2007
Location: Kemper Memorial Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first pay per view of the year with Raw running the annual early January show. This time around we have a double main event of John Cena defending the Raw World Title against the undefeated Umaga and a pretty big grudge match between D-Generation X and Rated-RKO, winner gets the exclusive hyphen rights. Let’s get to it.

The cage is lowered for the opening.

Opening sequence, featuring a look at the double main event and nothing else. That is probably a good idea.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

In a cage and Nitro, with Melina, is challenging. Nitro starts fast by hammering him around the ring early on and Hardy gets pounded down in the corner. Hardy is back with some right hands but a belly to back faceplant puts him down again. The Flying Chuck gets two on Hardy, who scores with the flying clothesline/half Sling Blade. The mule kick drops Nitro again but a Stunner over the top rope cuts Hardy off. Nitro drives him into the cage (first time it has been used so far) but Jeff is right back to cut off a climb attempt.

A dropkick sends Nitro back first into the cage and they both crash down. Hardy can’t get out yet, despite a heck of a jump to the top of the cage. Nitro belly to back superplexes him right back down but Hardy is back with a catapult into the cage. They both go up to the top and it’s a super Russian legsweep to bring them both back down. Hardy goes up so Nitro climbs onto him for the save, setting up a sunset bomb for another double knockdown. Nitro is up first and tries to climb out so Hardy pulls him…not down as Nitro has his legs tied in the cage, meaning Jeff crashes hard.

Since that is rather painful, Nitro comes back down and Jeff reaches for the cage, only to have Melina whip the wall with her belt. A missile dropkick puts Hardy down again but he counters a high crossbody into….something, but it puts them both down. It’s Nitro up first but Hardy pulls him over the top, only to have a super Twist of Fate broken up. Nitro starts climbing out as Hardy goes for the door, meaning Nitro climbs around to the door to stop him instead of, you know, jumping down. Melina blocks the door as a bonus, so Hardy kicks it open, crotching Nitro on the top in the process, and retains.

Rating: B-. This was built around the idea of two people going up and then crashing back down a lot, which is where Hardy excels. The ending was clever too so it was a pretty good way to go about the title match. It’s a smart choice for an opener as anyone can get into the idea of a cage match, especially between some people as talented as these two.

Rated-RKO can’t believe that they are being asked about how their issues with DX became personal. They have busted DX open and now they are fighting for their futures. Tonight, they’re finishing DX.

Tag Team Turmoil

Bonus match for the #1 contendership. The Highlanders are in at #1 and Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin are in at #2 to get things going. Rory and Haas start things off with neither getting very far, meaning it’s off to Robbie instead. Haas gets taken into the corner but Rory misses a charge in the corner, allowing the villains to take over. Benjamin gets to hit the jumping dive onto Rory’s back and Haas adds a slam onto the back for two.

The chinlock goes on but Shelton’s legs go off on a slam, allowing Rory to fall on top for two. Robbie comes in and gets to clean some house, including a belly to back suplex to Haas. Benjamin rakes Robbie’s eyes on top though and a top rope superplex is good for the pin. Jim Duggan/Super Crazy is in at #3 (much to commentary’s shock) with Duggan hammering and clotheslining Benjamin.

A running knee lift takes Duggan back down and the beating is on in the corner. Duggan hits the three point clothesline for a breather though and the hot tag brings in Crazy to pick up the pace. Crazy hits a basement dropkick on Haas but Benjamin hits a cheap shot from the floor, allowing Haas to grab a bridging German suplex for the pin. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch are in at #4 with Cade slamming Benjamin in a hurry.

An atomic drop sets up Murdoch’s big boot and the neck crank goes on. A neckbreaker finally gets Benjamin out of trouble and it’s back to Haas to (barely) pick up the pace. Haas flapjacks Murdoch to set up the Haas of Pain (an underrated hold) but Cade breaks it up, allowing Murdoch to steal the pin. Cryme Tyme is in at #5 as JR tries to figure out if there are any more teams left on the Raw roster. Given that we had one new team thrown in, that means the division is four teams, plus the champs who are barely involved with the rest of the teams.

Shad hammers Cade down to start but JTG dances a bit too long, allowing Murdoch to come back in. Commentary confirms that these are the last two teams and Murdoch elbows JTG down. Some choking with the tag rope keeps JTG in trouble but Murdoch dives into a raised boot. Cade breaks up the hot tag though because this match needs to keep going. JTG finally slides out of a double suplex though and it’s the hot tag to Shad so house can be cleaned. Everything breaks down and the G9 hits Cade to give Shad the pin.

Rating: D. This was long, not very interesting and showed how lame the tag division is at the moment. Cryme Tyme was the only option to win here and it could be a good Tag Team Title match, but this really did not need to go almost twenty minutes. Pretty bad match here, but much more boring than bad, which is even worse.

Vince McMahon and Jonathan Coachman are in the back with Vince complaining about how much Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump have been yelling at each other as of late. Coach thinks it sounds like something coming out of the WWE. Vince: “It sounds like something coming out of the WWE.” Therefore, we need to resolve it with physical abuse, meaning we can have a match between the two of them on Raw. Oh here we go. Coach is also glad that Vince has taken back YOU’RE FIRED and goes on about it so long that Vince leaves. Ron Simmons comes in for the catchphrase.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

Dykstra comes out in a Flair style robe. Before the match, he talks about knowing that Flair got hit with a Conchairto on Raw but just because Flair saying that he is “still recovering” is no excuse to not come out here and take his beating. Cue Flair in the pink robe and we’re ready to go. Commentary talks about how much Flair had accomplished by the time Kenny was born (four World Titles) as Dykstra hits the strut to start. A dropkick puts Flair down for an early two and there’s a fist drop to keep him in trouble.

Flair is right back with the chops and shots to the face, including a big chop to put Kenny on the floor. That’s too much waiting for Flair so he follows Kenny out, only to get suplexed for a hard landing. Back in and another suplex gives Kenny two, followed by a strutting elbow for the same. Kenny grabs a Boston crab to draw some screaming but Flair (very) eventually makes the rope.

Flair chops his way out of the corner but Kenny knocks him right back down. Kenny’s Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package for two and Flair unloads in the corner. For some reason Flair goes up top but gets slammed back down. A poke to the eye gives Flair a breather though and it’s time for some chop blocks. There’s a knee to the head and a step between the legs, setting up the Figure Four. Flair even gets in some slaps but Kenny finally makes the rope. They slug it out in the corner until Kenny gets in a quick low blow, setting up the small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. Much like the previous match, this wasn’t the most interesting match because Dykstra isn’t exactly thrilling to see most of the time. They’re playing up the idea that Flair doesn’t have it anymore, but the head injury wasn’t a factor and it was mainly Flair getting beaten up for ten minutes. I’ll give them points for trying with Kenny though, as they could use some fresh talent.

Melina checks on Johnny Nitro in the trainer’s room. Nitro says to call Joey Mercury because the Hardys are going to pay for what they did. Melina goes to make the call but runs into Victoria, who says Melina is the one Diva missing from her list. That’s because they can be a team who can take over the women’s division. If Melina helps her win the Women’s Title tonight, Melina can have the first title shot.

We recap Victoria’s hit list, setting up her title shot tonight.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Mickie James

Victoria is challenging and shoves Mickie down without much effort to start. Something like a Muta Lock has Mickie in trouble and Victoria shows off a bit by backflipping onto her feet. Mickie is back up with some armdrags into a dropkick for two but the hurricanrana out of the corner is broken up. Instead Victoria kicks her to the floor for a drop onto the apron. Back in and a hair toss gives Victoria two but she misses a moonsault.

Mickie slugs away for two and grabs a hurricanrana out of the corner. Cue Melina to check on Victoria so Mickie hits her in the face. The MickieDT is broken up by a Melina distraction. Cue Maria and Candice Michelle to take care of Melina as Mickie reverses the Widow’s Peak into a sunset flip for two. Mickie counters a slam into a tornado DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was kind of a mess and the ending didn’t make it much better. The problem here was that there wasn’t much of a reason to believe that Victoria was winning the title, even though she pinned Mickie a few weeks ago. Then you throw in the interference, which was hardly interesting either. Not terrible, but this show is needing a big pick up and this wasn’t it.

Post match Mickie, Candice, Maria and Lilian Garcia (who Victoria went after as well) celebrate.

We recap Rated-RKO vs. D-Generation X, which somehow is focused almost entirely on Ric Flair. Rated-RKO took Flair out and since DX are basically Flair’s kids, it’s time for some revenge. DX got beaten down as well though, even if that doesn’t make it quite as personal as the Flair stuff.

Tag Team Titles: Rated-RKO vs. D-Generation X

Rated-RKO is defending. Before the match, HHH uses his weird frosted cereal analogy and it still doesn’t quite work. The brawl starts in the aisle, as it should have in a feud this violent. HHH backdrops Edge onto the ramp and throws him inside for the bell and some right hands from Shawn. It’s already off to HHH to stomp away and sends Edge face first into the corner but Shawn misses a charge into the post. Orton gets to come in and hammer away in the corner, only to get snapmared down for a stomp to the face.

There’s an elbow on the apron from HHH and a legdrop from Shawn as the beating continues. Orton is a bit cut open so DX takes turns hammering away at the head. Edge’s cheap shot from the apron cuts HHH off though and the champs take over for the first time. HHH’s leg is wrapped around the post but he kicks a Figure Four attempt away to send Edge shoulder first into the post. The hot tag brings in Shawn to clean house and there’s the big dive to the floor to take out Edge and Orton.

They head back in, with Edge spearing Shawn off the apron and back to the floor. Orton gets in a belt shot to Shawn to bust him open as well (and much worse than Orton) and Edge is right there to hammer on the cut. Back in and Orton hits the rapid fire circle stomp for two and it’s off to Edge again for more right hands to the head. Orton forearms away at the back and strikes a pose, followed by some raking of the eyes. The double arm crank goes on but Shawn fights up for a suplex.

Edge hits a big boot though and it’s Orton coming back in to load up the RKO. Since that takes the better part of ever, Shawn shoves it away and it’s a double tag to bring in Edge and HHH. House is cleaned and there’s a facebuster into a clothesline to send Edge outside. The spinebuster hits Orton….and HHH has torn his quad again (meaning he’ll be gone until Summerslam). He is still able to hit (most of) a spinebuster on Edge for two but Orton hits an RKO (or as close as HHH can get to taking one).

Shawn superkicks Orton down and Edge covers HHH for two. Back up the spear hits corner, allowing HHH to hit a better than expected Pedigree. That seems to be all he had left though as he can’t really cover, with Orton making a save. Shawn sends Orton outside for a dive and hits the referee, followed by a pair of nasty chair shots. HHH gets a chair of his own as Orton is WAY busted open. DX unloads with chair shots and stands tall as the match is thrown out.

Rating: B. HHH managing to fight through the ending alone is worth a bonus as that is one of the more impressive things I’ve seen in a good bit. It was a good match leading up to the injury and then they kept it moving even after that. With the ending being the perfect way to keep things going and get out of a bad situation. HHH was impressive here but it’s a shame that he is going to be gone for so long.

Post match (Maybe?) it’s a Pedigree to put Edge onto (not through) the announcers’ table and Shawn’s elbow puts Orton through another announcers’ table.

John Cena is told that it is clear Umaga wants some, but will he get some. Cena does his movie trailer/hype man impression and manages to mock Umaga’s lack of English at the same time. Thankfully Cena gets serious and admits that he is up against a monster who has not been pinned or made to submit. He isn’t going to give up though because he is proud to call himself the WWE Champion. Umaga is undefeated but nothing lasts forever and nothing is stopping him from leaving as WWE Champion.

Orton’s blood is EVERYWHERE, with a pool of it laying on the floor.

Carlito vs. Chris Masters

Torrie Wilson is here with Carlito. Masters bails into the corner to start so Carlito takes him down and hammers away with left hands. A backdrop gets Masters out of trouble but Carlito is right back with a shot to the face. The double springboard moonsault gives Carlito two but Masters throws him down with one arm. A backbreaker into a clothesline gets two on Carlito and Masters asks if he is trying to impress Torrie. Back up and Carlito hits a knee lift into a flapjack for two so Masters tries the Masterlock. That’s blocked as well but the counter is countered into a cradle (with trunks) to give Masters the pin.

Rating: C-. Another Raw level match here and that is not what the show needed. Masters and Carlito are not the most interesting people in the first place and now we get to see them having a pay per view match in the cool down spot. That isn’t exactly thrilling and I was hoping that they would get on with it already.

Post match Masters knocks Carlito out with the Masterlock.

We recap Umaga vs. John Cena for the Raw World Title. Umaga is an undefeated monster so he is getting a title shot. Before we get there, Umaga beat Cena up a few times but Cena isn’t backing down.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Umaga is challenging and has Armando Alejandro Estrada in his corner. We’re ready to go after the Big Match Intros with Cena sticking and moving to start. A missed charge to the floor does a bit more damage but Cena goes after him again and gets tossed outside. Back in and Cena gets up an elbow and boot in the corner, earning himself a hard clothesline. Cena hammers away with right hands but gets taken down with a Samoan drop.

Umaga knocks him face first into the announcers’ table and then the barricade for a bonus. Back in and Cena can’t sunset flip or slam him, with Umaga falling on top for two on the latter. A legdrop gets two but Umaga misses a charge, allowing Cena to go up. The high crossbody is countered into the swinging release Rock Bottom for two as Umaga keeps the pace slow. Umaga sits down on Cena’s chest as JR compares him to Yokozuna. Another cannonball lands on raised knees but Umaga sends him outside without much effort.

The nerve holds keeps Cena in trouble and an elbow to the face drops him again. The middle rope Samoan Spike only hits mat though and Cena wins the slugout. Cena sends him head first into the post and the ProtoBomb drops Umaga again. Umaga is back with the belly to belly and hangs Cena in the Tree of Woe for the flying headbutt. The running Umaga Attack hits boots though and Cena grabs a rollup out of nowhere to retain the title.

Rating: B-. I really liked the finish here as it felt like the most out of nowhere finish they could have had. That’s also the smartest finish they could have had, as it would have been a bit waste to have Umaga go down to the FU. Umaga completely dominated here but got caught instead of getting beaten. That’s a perfect way to set up a rematch and I’d be down for another one. What they did worked well, even if it wasn’t a great match on the way there.

Post match Cena celebrates as Umaga breaks a lot of stuff to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The two major matches helped a lot but this was one of the most lifeless shows that I have seen in a very long time. It just wasn’t a very entertaining show with most of the matches being more boring than bad. There wasn’t much on here that felt pay per view worthy and while the two big matches worked, they didn’t work enough to make up for the rest of the show.

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Wrestlemania Backlash
Date: May 16, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Adnan Virk, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

It’s time for the Wrestlemania fallout pay per view and this time WWE isn’t exactly being subtle with the concept. The Raw side is mainly consisting of Wrestlemania rematches with another name added in, while the Smackdown side actually feels like some fresh matches. Hopefully that mixes together for a good show. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Sheamus to issue the open challenge, non-title of course.

Kickoff Show: Sheamus vs. Ricochet

Ricochet hammers away to start but gets taken down with a heck of a clothesline. Sheamus takes him into the corner and pounds him down, setting up the forearms to the chest. The fishhooking (dubbed the Dublin Smile) has Ricochet in even more trouble but Ricochet gets in some kicks to the chest.

The springboard clothesline into the standing shooting star into the Lionsault gives Ricochet two. Sheamus knees the heck out of him though but Ricochet hits a Backstabber into a springboard 450. The 630 misses though and Sheamus blasts him with another knee for the pin at 7:13.

Rating: C+. If nothing else, it was great to see Ricochet on a show outside of Main Event for a change as it makes me wonder if WWE is actually acknowledging the fact that he has been doing good stuff over there. That’s the kind of thing you can use these open challenges for, though the clean pin didn’t do him the most favors. It was better than nothing though, so maybe Ricochet’s fortunes are turning around a bit. I doubt it, but maybe.

Post match Sheamus puts on his hat and coat but Ricochet dropkicks him down and steals both of them.

The opening video, narrated by Batista, talks about how important Wrestlemania is while talking about where everything is going from here. The main matches get their focus as usual, while being interspersed with clips from Batista’s new Netflix film Army of the Dead.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match, with Rhea Ripley defending against Charlotte and Asuka. Ripley took the title from Asuka at Wrestlemania but then Charlotte returned and was put into the title match. Now it’s time for a triple threat for the title.

Raw Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte vs. Asuka

Ripley is defending and Charlotte’s gear is Cruella de Ville/101 Dalmatians inspired. Graves calls Ripley “arguably the one with the most to lose in this match.” Charlotte bails to the floor to start but gets surrounded and the beating begins, including a double superkick to put her on the floor. Asuka rolls Ripley up for two but Charlotte pulls Asuka outside and grabs a suplex. Charlotte and Ripley have the showdown, with Charlotte shouting about being a THIRTEEN TIME CHAMPION.

Asuka is back up but Ripley kicks her down, followed by a dropkick to do the same to Charlotte. Ripley heads to the apron but Charlotte trips her down to take over. Back in and Charlotte talks trash to Asuka, who strikes away in a hurry. Asuka snaps off the armbar but Charlotte gets her feet to the ropes….which don’t count in a triple threat match. Ripley makes the save but Charlotte sends her face first into the middle buckle. Charlotte has to chop Asuka though, allowing Ripley to come back with some clotheslines.

Asuka is back up with the rapid fire strikes and the rolling German suplexes to Charlotte. The missile dropkick hits Ripley and a sliding knee from the apron rocks her again. Charlotte kicks Asuka outside and there’s the moonsault to take both of them down. Back in and a double superplex drops Charlotte to put everyone down. They slug it out from their knees but Charlotte flips out of another double suplex and chop blocks them both.

A double Natural Selection gets a double near fall but Charlotte misses the moonsault. Asuka Codebreakers Charlotte and counters the Riptide, allowing Charlotte to boot Ripley in the face. Charlotte spins out of the Asuka Lock and boots down a charging Asuka. The boot causes Charlotte to fall to the floor though and Ripley Riptides Asuka to retain at 15:22.

Rating: C+. As expected, this was more about Charlotte than anything else, as it seems to be in her contract. Ripley escaped with the title (as commentary put it) and odds are we are going to be seeing the Ripley vs. Charlotte showdown in the near future. Ripley winning is good, but it would be nice to not have to be reminded that Charlotte is the greatest and most amazing thing ever every time she is in a big story (which is about all she does).

We look back at Braun Strowman, Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley brawling on Raw.

Miz isn’t scared of Damian Priest but doesn’t know why this is a lumberjack match. Not to worry though as John Morrison is ready to take care of the lumberjacks and make Priest fall into his thirst trap. Miz: “I don’t think you know what thirst trap means.”

We look at Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler attacking Dominik Mysterio on the Kickoff Show.

Dominik can’t go so Rey Mysterio says he’ll do this himself.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio, in Adam West era Batman gear, is challenging on his own and hits them both in the face to start. Ziggler is knocked outside and a baseball slide sends him into the announcers’ table. Mysterio slides through Roode’s legs to splash Ziggler but Roode sends him head first into the apron. Back in and Rey drop toeholds Roode down setting up a victory roll for two.

Roode blasts Rey with a clothesline though and Ziggler comes in to rip at the face. It’s already back to Roode, who sends Rey into the corner to remind him there is no one to tag. Rey avoids a charge and dropkicks Ziggler off the apron but Roode knocks Mysterio into the Tree of Woe. Roode starts working on Rey’s knee and a wheelbarrow Fameasser combination gets two. Ziggler heads outside so Roode can throw Mysterio into a superkick (that was new/cool) for the nine as Ziggler can’t believe he beat the count.

Back in and Rey hits a double DDT, setting up a toss to send Ziggler into the post. Cue the banged up Dominik to get on the apron as Rey sends Roode outside, only to get Zig Zagged. Roode is back in for two off a gutbuster but he takes too long going up, allowing Rey to hit a super bulldog.

Rey gets over to the corner where Dominik tags himself in…and is spinebustered by Roode. Dominik is sent into the post but comes back with a superkick to Ziggler. The hot tag brings in Rey to clean house, including a 619 to Roode in the corner. Rey brings Dominik back in and sunset bombs Ziggler into the apron, setting up Dominik’s frog splash for the pin and the titles at 16:59.

Rating: B-. The action was good and the result is the right way to go, but I’m not sure why they couldn’t have just done the scheduled match without the Dominik injury angle. It was a dull start until Dominik got in and some things started happening though and that’s what mattered. What matters is getting the titles off of Roode and Ziggler though, as their reign was about as useless as you could get.

Post match, the Mysterios are rather pleased.

John Morrison goes to the lumberjacks’ conveniently labeled dressing room and finds….a bunch of zombies.

Jimmy Uso goes in to see Roman Reigns but finds Jey Uso. Jimmy thinks the door needs to say Roman Reigns and Jey Uso, or better yet, “Jimmy and Jey Uso, Tag Team Champions.” Does Jey even do Reigns’ laundry? Jey is ready to fight but here is Roman Reigns to stare Jimmy down. Jimmy wishes him good luck tonight and leaves.

John Morrison reports his zombie findings to Miz, who seems to think Morrison imagined it. The two leave and the zombies stagger after them.

Commentary (with a zombie on one of the screens behind them) explains that the zombies are from Batista’s Army of the Dead movie. Ah. Well that makes up for everything.

Damian Priest vs. Miz

John Morrison is here and there are indeed zombies, who have their own Titantron and theme music. They are everywhere, including underneath the announcers’ table, sending commentary running. Priest hammers away to start but gets knocked outside, where he beats up the zombies. Back inside and Miz gets in a big boot as Graves hits his tenth Walking Dead reference in about two minutes.

Priest sends him outside for a change and hits a clothesline on the way back in. The spinwheel kick sets up the top rope spinwheel kick for two more. Miz is back with the Figure Four until they get over to the ropes for the break. Both of them head outside to beat up the zombies together before diving back inside. Morrison gets on the apron for a distraction, allowing Miz to hit the running knee for two. The zombies pull Morrison behind the barricade and apparently eat him, leaving Priest to Hit The Lights on Miz for the pin at 6:54.

Rating: F. Yeah I’m thinking no on this one. A zombie horde just attacked Miz, Morrison and Priest on pay per view and outside of what is likely a comedy spot tomorrow night for Miz and Morrison, we’re just going to move on. It’s a paid sponsorship and all that jazz, but Priest could be something on Raw (which desperately needs it) and he gets this instead. This was really annoying and as little as I was looking forward to another Miz vs. Priest match, they managed to make it even worse. The wrestling itself was pretty dull, but egads man. Just let Priest be a star already.

Post match the zombies swarm Miz as Priest leaves.

Hell in a Cell is coming on June 20. Normally that’s an October show so that’s interesting.

Jey Uso catches up with Jimmy Uso, who thinks the sign on the door should say “Roman Reigns and his b****.”

We recap Bayley vs. Bianca Belair for the Smackdown Women’s Title. Belair won the title at Wrestlemania and Bayley is ready to prove that it was a fluke, because she is the best ever.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Bianca Belair

Belair is defending as Miz and Morrison being devoured by zombies about ten minutes ago is already just a memory. They go technical to start but Belair takes her down into a waistlock with ease, seemingly freaking Bayley out. Bayley teases going after the hair so Belair rolls her up for two, with the kickout sending Belair into the corner. A hiptoss brings Bayley back in from the apron and it’s already time for the breather.

Back in and Bayley knees her down, setting up a chinlock to draw Belair back to her feet. A belly to back suplex gets two on Belair but she catches Bayley on top and hits a delayed suplex. They head outside with Bayley dropping her ribs first onto the steps and adding a suplex onto the floor for two. A spinning side slam gives Bayley two more but Belair sends her outside for a change.

That gets on Bayley’s nerves and she comes back in to hammer away. Belair makes the comeback and hits a spinebuster for two. Bayley runs her over again with a clotheslines and drops the top rope elbow for two of her own. With Belair sent outside again, Bayley misses a charge, allowing McAfee to get in MJF’s “better than you and you know it” line.

Back in and a rollup with feet on the ropes gives Bayley two. Bayley even rakes the eyes to keep Belair in trouble, allowing her to use the hair for a ripcord Bayley to Belly and another near fall. With nothing else working, Bayley loads up the Rose Plant with the hair, but Belair rolls her up and uses the hair to hook the leg for the pin to retain at 16:02. The ending might have been a bit botched though as the hair dropped the leg halfway through, making it looked like Bayley kicked out.

Rating: B-. There were some somewhat sloppy moments here but they did a nice job of keeping me into the match. It might not have had a ton of drama, but what mattered here was getting a lot of time on the way to getting Belair her first major title defense out of the way. The ending could set up a rematch, which somehow may already be inside the Cell. That’s a bit of a jump, but I could go for a rematch.

MVP suggests that Braun Strowman isn’t smart enough to accept the business offer he was given and tonight, he is going to lose as a result.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Bobby Lashley won the title in March, beat Drew McIntyre to retain at Wrestlemania, and then both McIntyre and Braun Strowman became #1 contender.

Raw World Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Braun Strowman

Lashley, with MVP, is defending. It’s a brawl to start with Strowman getting double teamed as the other two head outside. McIntyre sends Lashley into the post until Strowman dives off the apron to drop both of them. Back in and McIntyre runs Lashley over before hitting a neckbreaker on Strowman. They head outside again with Strowman using the steps to take both of them down but the non-Strowmans double team him down too.

Lashley suplexes McIntyre onto the ramp but another suplex into the ramp is blocked. McIntyre rams Lashley head first into the set over and over before tossing him through it, meaning we get some sparks. That leaves McIntyre alone to scream and…..get taken down by Strowman. There’s the Strowman Express to put McIntyre down at ringside, setting up the backsplash for two back inside. A missed charge sends Strowman into the corner though and McIntyre hits a pretty impressive Michinoku Driver for two.

Strowman backdrops him to the floor and tries the Express again but McIntyre belly to belly suplexes him (with Strowman landing on his head). The Claymore is countered into a powerbomb through the announcers’ table as the canned chants declare this awesome. Commentary declares that Strowman is about to be the new champion because WWE commentary gets extra dumb in triple threat matches. Back in and the running powerslam is countered, with McIntyre hitting the Claymore. The spear to Strowman retains the title at 14:18.

Rating: C+. And then they go on to the Cell with Lashley vs. McIntyre because this feud needs to continue to suit the calendar so Raw doesn’t have to come up with a single new idea ever because that’s not what they do. I did not want to see this match coming in and I don’t want to see any form of a rematch, but that is what we are going to get because Raw doesn’t exist to be entertaining or creative any longer. This was a completely watchable triple threat power match with one of the most overdone endings you’ll get, which shouldn’t surprise you at all.

Hell in a Cell ad.

We recap Cesaro vs Roman Reigns. After dispatching Daniel Bryan, Reigns needed a new challenger so Cesaro stepped up and issued the challenge. Cesaro then beat Seth Rollins to earn the shot, his first ever one on one match at the World Title. Jimmy Uso returning and not being cool with Reigns treating his brother like a servant is being added in as a bonus factor.

Smackdown World Title: Cesaro vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is defending but before the match, he has Jey stay in the back because he is too worried about Jimmy. They start slowly with Cesaro powering him into the corner. A shoulder doesn’t get anyone anywhere as McAfee’s microphone is breaking up badly. Cesaro rolls him up for two and it’s time for a meeting with Paul Heyman at ringside. Back in and Reigns sends Cesaro face first into the buckle but Cesaro scores with the springboard spinning uppercut.

The Swing is blocked though and Cesaro tweaks his arm, which Reigns sends into the post. Reigns grabs a cravate and suplexes him down for daring to try a comeback. The cravate goes on again and the jumping clothesline gives Reigns two. Reigns loads up the Superman Punch but Cesaro counters it into the pop up uppercut. Some kicks and elbows to the leg set up the Sharpshooter on Reigns, who gets to the ropes in a hurry. Cesaro sends him outside for a corkscrew dive, followed by a high crossbody for two.

Reigns catches him on top though and grabs the arm again for a big boot, meaning the arm gets pulled again. The shotgun dropkick sends Cesaro’s shoulder into the post for two back inside and it’s time to crank on the arm even more. Reigns mocks Cesaro saying wrestling is fun and knees away in the corner, followed by a big boot to drop him again. Some uppercuts give Cesaro a breather and the discus lariat drops Reigns, only to bang up the bad arm even more.

They slug it out from their knees with Cesaro knocking him to the apron, setting up the apron superplex for two more. The arm gives out on the Neutralizer attempt though and Reigns pulls him down into the Fujiwara armbar. That’s reversed into a cradle for two but another springboard uppercut is Superman Punched out of the air for two.

The pop up uppercut doesn’t work again as the arm gives out, allowing Reigns to grab the guillotine. Cesaro powers out and gets the Sharpshooter (pulling back with the hands instead of wrapping the arm around) before switching into a Crossface in the middle of the ring. Reigns powers out of the grip and unloads with forearms to the face, followed by a Batista Bomb for two.

Cesaro flips him over but Reigns is right back with a front facelock into the guillotine. That’s reverses with something close to a powerbomb and Cesaro slips out, only to get pulled into it again. Cesaro tries to power out of the grip but the arm can’t do it and Cesaro is finally out at 27:24.

Rating: B+. Cesaro certainly brought it here and will likely get another title shot at some point. There is zero shame in losing to Reigns at the moment and Cesaro gave it quite the run here. This felt like a main event and Reigns broke a sweat, though I wasn’t quite believing that Cesaro was going to pull it off. Cesaro just getting here was the real accomplishment, making this more like the first Rocky vs. Apollo Creed fight. Very good match here, as Cesaro showed he can go at this level.

Post match here is Jey Uso to acknowledge Reigns with the lei, before jumping Cesaro. Cue Seth Rollins….to go after Cesaro as well. Rollins stomps him to the floor and hits him with a few chair shots. The chair is wrapped around the bad arm and sent into the post, followed by a Stomp on the floor to end the show. That’s probably your Smackdown Cell match.

Overall Rating: C+. This is one of the hardest ratings I’ve ever had to put together because the show is so torn down the middle. The Smackdown stuff was good to very good with matches that had been built up (some better than others) and then executed well enough. Their side did well and it felt like half of a pay per view.

Then there’s Raw and oh my goodness. I watch the show every week and somehow they have managed to get even worse time after time. Not only did the build feel lazy coming into the show (Hey, here are the Wrestlemania matches with one extra person added in as we keep talking about Wrestlemania!), but then you had another Charlotte showcase (#1928 I believe), a three way match where they hit each other over and over and then someone stole the pin and then……that other match.

First of all, I get why they did the zombie tie-in. It’s a check from Netflix and Batista is in the movie and all that good stuff. All fine and good, but there was NOWHERE else on the show to put that? Not as a segment, a backstage deal, or with R-Truth or something? No clearly the best solution was to put it in a match that didn’t need to happen in the first place and make the whole thing into a commercial instead of a way to make Priest look good. The match completely took me out of the rest of the show and I could not bring myself to be interested in anything else they did until the main event got rolling.

Tonight was a perfect summary of Raw in a few hours: the creative is repetitive and lazy and they do not care about building up anyone new because they know people are going to watch anyway. Smackdown is a perfectly fine if not good wrestling show and Raw is whatever garbage Vince and Bruce green light after turning down what are probably much better ideas. So enjoy your three hours of nonsense as the show continues to spin its wheels for years on end because WWE has gotten paid and it isn’t like they would get paid MORE with a bigger audience or anything.

Overall, this show was right down the middle, with the Smackdown stuff feeling good and the Raw stuff feeling like Raw stuff. Outside of the commercial called a match, the Raw matches were far from terrible, but they felt like something that had to be done instead of something with effort put into them. That has been the case from Raw for a long time now and there is nothing to suggest it is going to get any better.

Results

Rhea Ripley b. Asuka and Charlotte – Riptide to Asuka

Rey Mysterio/Dominik Mysterio b. Dolph Ziggler/Robert Roode – Frog splash to Roode

Damian Priest b. Miz – Hit The Lights

Bianca Belair b. Bayley – Rollup

Bobby Lashley b. Braun Strowman and Drew McIntyre – Spear to Strowman

Roman Reigns b. Cesaro – Guillotine
 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Armageddon 2006
Date: December 17, 2006
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 8,200
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re wrapping up the pay per view year with a Smackdown offering and it isn’t looking like the most important show. The card features a triple main event, including a Last Ride match, an Inferno match and a tag match with John Cena coming over from Raw as a guest star. I’m not sure if that is going to be enough but they certainly have some star power. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the triple main event, which is nearly half of the card.

Kane vs. MVP

Inferno match, meaning the ring is surrounded by fire and you set your opponent on fire to win. After his intro, we get a video on MVP coming to Smackdown and getting on Kane’s bad side, setting up this match. MVP tries to bail but gets stopped by the flames, meaning it is time for Kane to start hammering away in the corner. A backdrop makes the flames pop up and there’s a forearm to the back of the head, which does nothing to the flames because it isn’t a big crash.

Kane’s superplex is broken up and MVP hits a high crossbody as they continue to use moves they don’t use in regular matches. MVP hits a running boot in the corner but Kane is back with a big boot of his own. The chokeslam connects and Kane rips a turnbuckle pad off…but it puts the flames out when he tries to light it on fire for no apparent reason. Instead Kane hits a side slam and sends MVP outside, setting up the top rope clothesline. Kane avoids being sent into the fire and chokes MVP into it for the win.

Rating: D. I’m not sure how much better this could have been as it is the kind of match that does not leave you with many options. They are stuck in the ring and the whole match is designed to tease the fire spot. Throw in the fact that so many of the moves and spots are designed to make the flames go up rather than anything they would usually do. They were trying, but you can only do so much.

Post match, MVP gets extinguished as JBL freaks out a lot.

Teddy Long is having a Christmas party for the Divas and has a present for them: a Naughty or Nice lingerie contest. Good thing they bring that stuff with them I guess.

JBL is still incensed over MVP as we kill off some time for the fire equipment to be removed.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal

London and Kendrick are defending….but hold on as here is Teddy Long, who is still in the Christmas spirit. Let’s make this a little more fun.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal

London and Kendrick are defending and this is now a ladder match. Hold on again though as Long isn’t done.

Tag Team Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Dave Taylor/William Regal vs. MNM vs. Hardys

London and Kendrick are defending and this is now a ladder match. I’m not sure what authority Long has over Raw stars appearing in teams that don’t exist anymore but oh well. JBL: “There is nobody better in ladder matches than the Hardys.” This is true as they won….no that was Edge and Christian. Uh….no that one was too. I’m sure they were the best like once or twice or so!

Anyway, it’s a brawl to start until we get the Hardys vs. London/Kendrick showdown, much to the fans’ delight. The Spin Cycle plants Kendrick but the villains come back in to clean house. MNM and the Hardys get in a fight over who gets to bring in the ladders with the Hardys throwing them inside, though managing to avoid the Brits. Poetry In Motion hits Taylor and MNM gives him a Snapshot to make it worse.

Matt whips Kendrick into a ladder (ow) but London dropkicks Jeff off of another ladder. Mercury climbs up so a bunch of people pick up the ladder and drop it, including Mercury, onto the ropes, sending Mercury onto Nitro on the floor. Another Poetry In Motion misses in the corner and only hits the ladder to knock Jeff silly again. London’s climb is cut off in a hurry and Kendrick is pulled down after getting just slightly higher. Matt gets dropped onto a bridged ladder for a top rope double stomp from Kendrick but gets up to stop Jeff from being superplexed onto some ladders.

Instead Jeff turns the ladder into a seesaw, which smashes Mercury’s nose halfway out of the arena, leaving him gushing blood and in no shape to continue. The replay shows Mercury’s head snapping back in a rather scary looking visual. Regal and Taylor get back up to start taking over and suplex London into a ladder in the corner. Matt gets up for a save and neckbreakers Taylor as Jeff brings in another ladder (and you can see the blood pooled up on the floor).

Nitro knocks the ladder out from under Jeff on the floor for another crash and then drops another down onto Regal inside. This time it’s Kendrick making the save so London springboards in with a dropkick to cut Nitro off. London catches Matt on top and hammers away until Matt backdrops him down for another huge crash.

Now it’s Nitro and Jeff’s turn, with Jeff busting out a huge sunset bomb. Matt climbs a pair of ladders but the Brits pull him down in a hurry. A running knee to the head drops Matt and Regal goes up, only to have Kendrick bring him down for a huge crash. London goes up top, punches Matt down, and pulls down the titles to retain.

Rating: A-. It deserves a bit of an upgrade just because of how bad Mercury’s face looked. This was all about one big spot after another and that worked out very well, as you kind of knew these teams would be able to do. Taylor and Regal felt out of their element but you need someone there to offer a change of style. London and Kendrick continue to look unstoppable and the idea of them against the Hardys is rather dream matchish at this point.

Kristal tries out her lingerie and JBL doesn’t seem to remember MVP’s troubles.

Miz vs. Boogeyman

JBL: “You had an inferno match, you had a ladder match and now you have this unfettered jackass.” Miz brags about beating Boogeyman tonight and JBL rants over him, as only Miz can make JBL this incensed. Boogeyman gyrates around to start and knocks Miz outside as JBL tries to figure out why Miz’s hair is cut that way. Cole thinks Miz winning here would be a huge upset. JBL: “Miz being in the ring would be a huge upset. He’s in the ring and I’m upset.” Boogeyman hits a backdrop but Miz hits a quick shot to the face. Miz goes up top, only to dive into a chokebomb (which takes a second to get right) for the pin.

Post match, Miz gets wormed.

Chavo Guerrero dedicates his US Title match to Vickie Guerrero, who thanks him for being a real man.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero, with Chavo accusing Benoit of being a woman beater due to accidentally running into Vickie at Survivor Series.

US Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Chavo is defending and has Vickie Guerrero with him. Chavo jumps him to start but Benoit chops away and forearms him in the face. Some right hands keep Chavo down and Benoit throws him outside to keep up the beating. Back in and the rolling German suplexes have Chavo rocked but it’s way too early for the Swan Dive.

Instead Chavo catches him on top for the superplex for two before starting in on the back. The reverse chinlock goes on so Benoit fights up, earning himself another knee to the back to keep him in trouble. Benoit’s Crossface attempt is broken up and Chavo gets to pose a bit. Chavo ties him in the Tree of Woe but a baseball slide only hits post. He’s fine enough to rake the eyes, hit the Eddie dance, and try Three Amigos.

That takes too long as well though as Benoit rolls eight straight German suplexes for a standing ovation. The threat of the Sharpshooter draws in Vickie with the title so Benoit tries it on her, only to get rolled up by Chavo for two. You don’t do that to Benoit, who reverses into the Sharpshooter to retain.

Rating: C+. These two work well together, though I’m not sure how much drama there was in the idea of Chavo winning the title. He has been well built and the story seemed to call for the change, but that is a bit too far to imagine Chavo actually going. Benoit winning is fine too, as he could put over a bigger, or at least more promising, name down the line.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Gregory Helms

Helms is defending. They go technical to start and that means an early standoff. Yang takes him down and goes up but has to bail out of a moonsault attempt. A quick suplex sets up an even more quickly broken chickenwing as Helms sends him outside. Some forearms to the back set up a neck snap across the top, followed by some choking. Yang manages a backdrop to the floor and a dive drops Helms again.

Back in and Helms kicks him down, setting up the chinlock to draw the BORING chants. JBL even acknowledges it and yells at the fans for not getting it (fair enough as it’s not that bad). Yang makes the comeback and hits a spinwheel kick in the corner for his own two. Helms catches him on top and hits a super neckbreaker as the chants continue. A dropkick knocks Helms out of the air and Yang goes up, only to miss a corkscrew moonsault. Helms grabs a yet to be named Codebreaker to retain.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here and the boring chants were fairly ridiculous. The problem is there is no reason to care about the title and WWE has made it even worse. At the end of the day, the title means nothing and the fact that Helms barely ever defends the thing makes it worse. Just saying that Helms has held the title forever isn’t going to make fans care about it. Having matches like this over and over could, but I have no reason to believer that is the case.

We recap Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy in the Last Ride match, which feels like the real main event of the show. Kennedy has attacked Undertaker a few times and even busted him open with a microphone. After Kennedy and MVP accidentally conspired to beat Undertaker in a First Blood match at Survivor Series, it is time to end Kennedy once and for all.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Last Ride match, meaning a casket match but with a hearse that has to be driven out of the arena. The hearse is wheeled into the arena and Kennedy gets to promise to beat Undertaker again. Kennedy dodges around to start and the referee bails outside (Why was he in there in the first place?). Undertaker gets sick of the movement and grabs Kennedy by the neck, meaning the beating is on in a hurry.

There’s a toss over the announcers’ table and then another into the apron but Kennedy manages to get in a shot of his own. Kennedy’s dive off the apron is pulled out of the air, with Undertaker tossing him around again. They fight up to the hearse, with Undertaker being driven into the closed door. It’s way too early to get him inside and close the door though, with Undertaker kicking his way out. Kennedy gets dropped onto the steps and they head back inside with Undertaker nailing a superplex.

They’re already back outside with Kennedy getting smart by jumping onto Undertaker’s back for the choking. The unconscious Undertaker is sent inside but comes out the front door to escape and hammer away. Back in and Kennedy grabs a chair to knock Undertaker silly a few times, earning himself some quick situps. Kennedy bails and the chase is on as they head up the set. Undertaker is then thrown off said set, which is quite the crash that lands on a big pad.

We cut to some fans chanting for Kennedy as he puts the unconscious Undertaker inside for the second time. Kennedy gets in the driver’s seat and Undertaker sits up in the back (obvious but it worked). Undertaker pulls him out and hits a chair to the back. Another one to the head busts Kennedy open and there’s a chokeslam onto the roof. The Tombstone onto the roof knocks Kennedy silly and Undertaker puts him inside for the win.

Rating: B. It was violent and pretty definitive, though Undertaker winning the big blowoff in the end didn’t do Kennedy the biggest favors. What matters here though is that Kennedy got to look at least somewhat even in this big of a match against Undertaker. I’m not sure if it lived up to the brutality that JBL promised, but it was the best thing on the show so far and felt like a main event.

Finlay and King Booker promise to not double cross each other. Bickering begins to ensue but Queen Sharmell comes in to say cool it because they need each other. Finlay says he has the Leprechaun and all Booker has is Sharmell. Booker and Sharmell are incensed.

Here’s Santa Claus, sending JBL into a bit about wanting to buy the North Pole and cook the reindeer. Santa says it is cold at the North Pole so it’s time to heat things up here. Therefore, it’s time for the Diva lingerie contest. We have Kristal, Layla, Jillian Hall and Ashley. They all take their time modeling/dancing and the fans are a little more pleased with Layla and Ashley. Everyone winds up winning and Santa disrobes as Big Dick Johnson. Dancing ensues.

We recap Batista/John Cena vs. Finlay/King Booker. Batista has been dealing with both of them and gets to pick any partner he wants for the match. Guest starring ensued.

Batista/John Cena vs. Finlay/King Booker

Batista has a banged up arm coming in and Queen Sharmell is here with the villains. Cena and Booker get things going with a lockup until Booker drives him into the corner. Some knees to the ribs don’t do much good as Cena armdrags him into an armbar. Batista and Finlay come in with Batista grinding away on a headlock. Finlay gets up a knee in the corner but dives into Batista’s arms.

That means something like a MuscleBuster of all things with Booker breaking up the cover and coming in off the tag. A clothesline gets two on Booker and it’s back to Cena with a bulldog. Finlay has to break up the STFU and the distraction lets Sharmell slip Booker the scepter. A shot to Cena’s throat gives Booker two and a quick cheap shot from the Leprechaun has Cena in even more trouble.

Cena slips away from Booker and grabs a DDT though and they’re both down. The hot tag brings in Batista to clean house and a Boss Man Slam drops Booker. Everything breaks down and Finlay chairs Batista in the leg. The chair is kicked back into Finlay and the leg is fine enough for a spinebuster on Booker. The Batista Bomb is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. I believe the words ho-hum would apply here, as this felt like little more than a house show main event. Seeing Cena and Batista together is cool, but it isn’t like this came off as anything close to feeling like a pay per view main event. It wasn’t a bad match as they kept this short and to the point, but it still wasn’t exactly something that felt like it belonged in this spot save for the star power.

Posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. Maybe it was the lower expectations but I had a good time with this one. The opener is the only thing that was particularly bad, and if you ignore the fact that this show means absolutely nothing and was only there because something had to be, you should have some fun with the thing. The ladder match is excellent and the Last Ride match is quite good as well. Good show here, even if it isn’t going to mean a thing in the long term.

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December To Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Well here we go. For the first time ever, the reincarnated ECW is getting its own pay per view and we have two matches announced on the way in. One of those matches features two teams who aren’t on ECW and the other is the EXTREME Elimination Chamber. This is not exactly looking promising but let’s get to it.

The opening video entirely focuses on the Chamber, with nothing else getting any focus. So half of the matches got a look, so maybe things are looking up.

Hardys vs. MNM

This is the result of the Hardys’ open challenge and neither of the teams are on ECW. Matt starts with Mercury and shoulders him down, meaning it’s already off to a double standoff. With that settled down, Mercury shrugs off some arm cranking and hands it off to Nitro as everything breaks down again. The Hardys clean house and it’s Nitro blocking Jeff’s jawbreaker and taking him into the corner to put him in trouble for the first time.

Jeff isn’t having that either and fights out, allowing the tag off to Matt to pick up the pace again. Melina offers a distraction though and MNM manages a double gutbuster to take him down. A double belly to back faceplant gets two on Matt but he manages a double DDT. Jeff gets knocked off the apron and it’s MNM hitting Poetry In Motion to rock Matt again. Not that it matters as Matt fights up and makes it over to Jeff for the hot tag a few seconds later anyway.

Everything breaks down again and it’s time for the parade of dives onto the floor. Back in and Nitro hits a springboard missile dropkick for two on Jeff. A double catapult sends Jeff face first into the buckle and Mercury cranks on both of Jeff’s arms for a bit. Jeff gets flipped into the corner and some forearms to the back keep him in trouble. There’s a slingshot elbow for two and we hit the reverse chinlock.

With that broken up, another double catapult is countered as Jeff comes back with a double Whisper in the Wind. The hot tag brings in Matt, including the middle rope legdrop for two on Nitro. Back up and Nitro snaps off a super hurricanrana on Jeff but the Hardys get up again and nail stereo superplexes.

With Jeff up first, Melina gets on the apron but her slap is blocked by Jeff grabbing his arm. Jeff steps away and Nitro dropkicks Melina by mistake, setting up a rollup for a rather hot near fall. The Snapshot gets two with Matt making the save so MNM puts Jeff on top. Matt makes another save and neckbreakers them down, setting up the Swanton onto the two of them for the double pin.

Rating: B. It’s rather good and I don’t think anyone should be surprised by that. You had two great teams going at it in a twenty minute match. I’m not sure how this couldn’t be good, though it’s kind of disappointing to hear that both teams are splitting up after this. It doesn’t make sense given how good this was, but it isn’t like WWE really cares about the tag division anyway.

Commentary hypes up the Elimination Chamber. It isn’t a good sign that they need filler like this.

Rob Van Dam is ready to take the risks for the chance to become ECW Champion again.

Here’s Matt Striker for a chat and it’s time to go downhill. Striker talks about the chaos and destruction that is coming tonight in the Chamber. He asks the fans if they want to see someone like him in an extreme rules match. The fans approve, so Striker is going to be in an EXTREME RULES match tonight. Now that means an EXTREME enforcement of the RULES of course, meaning no eye gouging, hair pulling, coming off the top or foul language of course. Let’s see how extreme his opponent can be.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney throws him down to start so Striker comes back with some forearms. That’s broken up so Mahoney tries a cross armbreaker of all things, with Striker going straight to the ropes. More forearms to the back stagger Mahoney and striker sends him shoulder first into the post. A Regal Cutter gives Striker two and it’s time to crank on the arm.

Mahoney comes back with right hands to the face (Striker picks no eye gouging but ignores punches from a guy with a signature sequence involving punches to the face. Right.) but gets pulled into a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Mahoney’s arm gives out on the snap jab attempt. Striker crotches him on top and the Fujiwara armbar goes on again. Mahoney fights back up with a belly to back suplex and now the punches work. The sitout spinebuster finishes Striker off.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fact that we’re on pay per view, this wouldn’t have even been a good TV match. Striker wanted the rules enforced and then they had a regular match. Having Mahoney win was one of the two ways they could have gone, but if this was their way of giving the fans something to cheer for, we’re in a lot more trouble than I thought.

Brian Pillman has a DVD (not on Peacock obviously).

Sabu has been attacked. After losing on Tuesday, it isn’t like he had any momentum or chance anyway. So yeah he’s not likely for the main event and you can hear the BULLS*** chants as we come back to the arena.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. FBI

Trinity is here with the FBI. Before the match, Burke promises that they will leave their mark like a wild beast in heat. Commentary drools over Trinity as Guido and Burke (in a hat) start things off. Guido takes him down (and steals his hat) by the arm and hands it off to Mamaluke. A few fans try a WHERE’S MY PIZZA chant ala the original ECW because he thinks it is still alive.

Terkay misses a splash in the corner but manages to pull Guido’s high crossbody out of the air. After Terkay throws the FBI outside, it’s back in for a chinlock from Burke. Guido fights up and hands it off to Mamaluke so the pace can pick up. A double dropkick into a double flapjack gets two on Burke but Terkay gets in a cheap shot from the apron. The Elijah Experience finishes Mamaluke.

Rating: D+. Slightly better match but that is mainly due to having slightly more interesting people involved. Terkay and Burke are two more people who don’t really feel like they belong in ECW but at least they did something here and add a little variety. Not much of a match, though you have to take what you can get on this show.

Post match, Terkay hits Guido with a MuscleBuster for a bonus.

CM Punk and Rob Van Dam watch Sabu being loaded into an ambulance.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Great Khali is here with Daivari, who rants about how Khali in Farsi. Daivari hammers away to start but a glare from Dreamer sends him bailing outside (just don’t let Dreamer talk). Back in and a hiptoss sends Daivari right back to the floor but this time he comes back in with a dropkick. There’s a baseball slide to put Dreamer on the floor but he reverses a whip to send Daivari into the barricade.

Back in and Khali low bridges Dreamer right back to the floor, earning himself an ejection. The fans say they want hardcore but get a neck crank into a chinlock instead. Dreamer fights up drops backwards onto Daivari for the break, followed by a reverse DDT for two. The Death Valley Driver is broken up but Daivari catches him on top. That means the Tree of Woe into the running dropkick…..but then Daivari rolls him up with tights for the pin.

Rating: D-. Gah no. Another nothing match here which would have been bad either here or on television and that is hardly the kind of thing that is going to make the show better. The ending was pretty awful as Dreamer just started to get going and then Daivari pinned him without much thinking. Bad match, bad setup and worse ending, especially on this show.

Post match Dreamer chases Daivari up the stage, where Khali catches him with the tree slam. Therefore, we pause for Dreamer to be checked on but then get up.

Paul Heyman puts Hardcore Holly into the main event to replace Sabu. This is booed out of the building.

Kelly Kelly/Mike Knox vs. Ariel/Kevin Thorn

Oh this could be trouble. Before the match, Kelly wishes CM Punk luck in the main event. The guys start (thank goodness) by shoving each other around before Thorn clotheslines him down and grabs a quickly released neck crank. A hard clothesline cuts Knox down again and we hit another nothing chinlock.

Knox fights up with a slam for two and kicks Thorn in the face for a knockdown. This time it’s Knox cranking on Thorn’s neck but Ariel makes the save. She even stays in this time and wants Kelly to join her, meaning it’s time for a lot of hair pulling (Striker disapproves). A boot choke in the corner has Tazz losing his train of thought and an ax handle to the back cuts Kelly off again. Kelly manages to kick Ariel away though….and Knox walks out on her, leaving Ariel to hit a choke STO for the pin.

Rating: D-. It was a nothing match and the high point was Mike Knox vs. Kevin Thorn. This is airing on pay per view and would have been an ice cold match on TV in addition to the match being terrible as a bonus. I didn’t think this show could actually fall even further but this pay per view continues to amaze me.

Post match the beatdown stays on but Sandman makes the save. Thorn gets caned down and beer is consumed.

We get a video of Michael Cole running down the Armageddon card. Also not on Peacock.

Bobby Lashley says it is his destiny to win the title.

Video on the Elimination Chamber. Notice the high level of padding tonight.

We’re still not ready yet though as here is Paul Heyman, with security, for a chat. Heyman talks about how Hulkamania will die with Hulk Hogan and WOO will die with Ric Flair. ECW will live on behind him though, with Big Show as its champion. The days of Sandman and Sabu and Tommy Dreamer are over and it is the ECW of the Big Show. Now lower the Chamber!

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Show is defending in the Extreme Elimination Chamber, meaning there is a weapon in each pod. Hardcore Holly is in at #1 and Rob Van Dam is in at #2 and there are five minute intervals. Holly takes him into the corner and starts kicking away but Rob pops up and gets sent into the cage….but holds onto the side because he can. The spinning high crossbody only hits the rope though and Van Dam crashes down again. Van Dam gets sent into the cage again but manages to get a boot up to cut off a diving Holly.

Rolling Thunder over the top rope hits Holly but he suplexes Van Dam back inside. There’s the dropkick and it’s CM Punk with his chair in at #3. A monkey flip sends Holly onto the chair and Punk kicks Van Dam down. The chair is wedged in the corner and Van Dam, who has been busted open somewhere in there, is sent hard into it. Punk kicks him again but Holly is back up with a side slam. Holly drops Punk onto the top rope and there’s a top rope superplex to take him down again.

Test, with his crowbar, is in at #4 and hits Punk in the ribs before clawing at Van Dam’s cut. Punk grabs a Stunner on Test of the top rope and the bloody Van Dam kicks Holly in the face. Van Dam skateboards the chair into Punk in the corner and hits the Five Star for the pin and the elimination for Punk’s first pinfall in WWE. Test kicks Holly in the face for an elimination, even if the count didn’t seem to go down properly. Van Dam goes up top but Test chairs him in the knee and pulls him right back down in a crash.

An elbow off the top of the pod onto the chair onto Van Dam is good for the elimination, meaning that the countdown to Lashley is official. It also means that the ring is clear, save for Test, for about a minute and a half because this match can’t time things either. Bobby Lashley with his table is….not allowed to get in because test and the security guards block the door. That’s fine with Lashley, who uses the table to break the roof open and climbs through the top. Eh points for a cool entrance.

Lashley unloads for a bit until Test gets him into the corner for some choking. Lashley suplexes him down, hits him with the crowbar, and nails a spear for the pin. Therefore, let’s wait a minute and a half before Big Show with his barbed wire baseball bat can come in at #6 to give us the showdown. Lashley has to use the chair to shield himself with the bat but manages to knock Show outside anyway. Show is sent through the pod to bust him open but he knocks Lashley down again. Back in and the chokeslam is countered into a DDT, followed by a spear for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. And that’s probably high. This was a really dull Chamber with the two badly times falls that left them sitting around with nothing to do for a few minutes. The match is less than twenty five minutes and you knew that Lashley had the title won with about ten minutes to go.

Look at the participants here. Van Dam, Show and Lashley are fine, but that leaves you with three pretty weak choices. Punk would go on to become a huge star, but at this point he had been around for a few months with his career consisting of feuds with Shannon Moore and Mike Knox. That is kind of lacking in any kind of meaningful wins in WWE and it showed badly. The other two are Test and Hardcore Holly as a replacement. That leaves you with three options, but Test dominated a good portion of the middle. That’s the best they could put together and that should tell you a whole low.

The show was long past the point of saving by the time we got to the match, but then they had this boring mess to make it even worse. There was no drama, the popular guys were done in less than fifteen minutes and the weapons managed to make it less violent than the previous Elimination Chambers. Not the worst match of all time, but pretty horrible and probably the worst Chamber match to date, if nothing else for the star power included and the lack of drama near the end.

Lashley’s pyro celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. What is there to say about this show? It’s a good match, then a C level version of the C level TV show and a huge main event which bombed as hard as anything in recent memory. This show felt slapped together and I would bet on the middle four matches being thrown together earlier in the day. Outside of the opener, the best match on the card was the FBI vs. Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke. Do you get how far you have fallen to have those four in second place?

This show made it very clear that WWE did not care about ECW and there was no stopping the show’s collapse even further into nothingness. There was no effort, there was one good match out of six (featuring people not from ECW) and the main event was a mixture of predictable and bad. This is what we got for the first ECW pay per view, which does at least give us a special milestone.

With this show, you can officially say that the new ECW is done. There wasn’t much to the show coming in and then it got even worse here. The show resulted in Paul Heyman leaving WWE and ECW, making this nothing more than the dumping ground for the people with nothing else to do. It was clear that the show wasn’t going to mean anything and once Heyman left, there was no reason to pretend anymore.

Heyman argued with Vince McMahon about the show both before and after, resulting in Heyman walking out on the company and not being seen again for over five years. Heyman’s idea was to have Punk make Show submit early and win the title, which worked fine for Show. Instead, Punk goes out first to end his undefeated streak. Heyman knew that things were done so he left, and after this debacle, can you really blame him?

One thing that doesn’t get the attention it deserves is the middle of the card with the four matches between the two they actually advertised. Striker vs. Mahoney is at least a logical way to go and Daivari vs. Dreamer has been built up a bit on TV. That leaves you with a tag team squash and a mixed tag with three heels and Kelly Kelly. I know WWE has a lot of problems, but they know how to throw together a four match series better than this. This felt like they were trying to troll the fans (or at least Heyman) and with none of these matches even hitting eight minutes, the lack of effort is pretty clear.

This show is about as perfect of an example of a show where WWE didn’t care and we were just left to get over it. It was a week after Survivor Series and two weeks before Armageddon, so in addition to treating the fans to an awful show, how many fans who watched or heard about the show passed on the next show because of what WWE delivered here?

This didn’t feel like a pay per view (a two hour and fifteen minute run time, comparable to Coliseum Videos didn’t help either) and it has absolutely earned the reputation that it maintains. I know it isn’t quite the same thing as a top level WWE pay per view, but it is hard to think of anything that the company has released that is near its level. This show is a complete disaster and one of the all time bombs on pay per view.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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