Are we really this bored these days?

So let me get this straight: Cena started using a springboard Stunner (allegedly due to Austin filming Broken Skull Challenge instead of Tough Enough and Vince being a vindictive old man that was annoyed at Austin for having a career outside of WWE, though that’s still pretty much speculation) and the response is that it’s gimmick infringement. I for one certainly agree.

It’s the same as Randy Orton and Diamond Dallas Page, Dean Ambrose and Mick Foley, Fandango and John Cena (who cares which way the guy is facing? It’s still a top rope legdrop) and the probably dozen guys who have used a superkick over the years and Shawn Michaels. I mean, Tyler Breeze and Alberto Del Rio are clearly ripping off Shawn Michaels.

Calling this gimmick infringement shows that wrestling fans continue to type before they think for ten seconds, as for one thing it’s not gimmick infringement but move somewhat, kind of, almost, maybe, sort of move borrowing. On the other hand, it’s not even the same move. The moves are the same as the RKO and Diamond Cutter or Drew McIntyre’s Future Shock and Jake Roberts’ DDT. If you want to talk about gimmick infringement, talk about Orton being named after a snake and posing with two arms in the air on the ropes a few years back.

This is a non-story but for some reason people are bored and trying to make it into a thing because they’re not thinking, as is so often the case.  It’s on par with the dust up of Michelle McCool using the Styles Clash a few years ago when TNA fans complained about it and then McCool said something along the lines of “Uh, it’s not a big deal” and that was the end of it.  This isn’t a big deal and the fact that it was talked about so much makes my head hurt.

Let’s see if this one makes your skin crawl.

So I got to thinking about Seth Rollins tonight and the path he took to the World Title. In case you’ve forgotten, here’s a flashback.

He starts by winning a developmental title. That’s nice people say, but what can he do with the big boys? Well he makes it to the main roster and gets in a team. That’s nice too, but he’s being outshined by his partner. The other guy has the look, the skills, and the charisma and is going to be the star.

Well then they win the Tag Team Titles and it’s time for the guys to shine. The title reign goes well enough and they put on some good performances, but once they lost the titles, it was time to move on up. They started fighting bigger names and it all went well, but, as happens with every team, they split. As is the obvious move, they started feuding and the heel won, despite the fans thinking the other guy was the natural. Somewhere along the way the heel also won the Money in the Bank briefcase.

Then he got his big break and became captain of an elimination tag team. Despite looking like the guy that was going to be forgotten, he was suddenly the star and someone you could see as the future, even though his old partner seemed like the better option in some fans’ eyes.

Then he cashed in Money in the Bank, won the World Title and walked out of Wrestlemania in one of the biggest shocks of all time, despite one of the hottest stars in the world and the guy fans were sure was going to take the title (his former Tag Team Championship partner) were in the same ring. Some people were scared, some people were stunned, some people were pleased, but he walked out with the title and is going to brag about it for the rest of time.

Oh wait I’ve gotten my notes crossed. I meant to be talking about THIS GUY.

But I was talking about THIS GUY.

That’s quite the update and quite a lot of new material at once.  As you may have heard of, I’ve released a complete collection of reviews for the entire year of Raw as an e-books.  It’s available from Amazon for cheap right here.  Check it out if you’d like to have a better idea of what was going on that year or maybe have a better idea of what shows and matches to check out.

Yeah I’m a bit behind on these things.  There’s not much to say here but I have three notes.

1. Yeah it really is as good as people say it is. It’s interesting that two of the best documentaries they’ve ever had have focused on something related to ECW. Heyman may not be the most popular guy in the history of wrestling, but he’s one of the most fascinating stories the business has ever seen.

2. I’ll go conservative and estimate about 75% of what he said was a lie.

3. “He does everything Vince hates. He yells too much, he keeps going forever and he never lets the story breathe.”

– Stephanie McMahon, who may in fact be the most delusional, clueless and least self-aware person to ever appear on a WWE television show.

The documentary about WWE music.

This is one of the shows in the series that I had been really looking forward to watching and it was actually far better than I was expecting. It’s another countdown format but with WWE music king Jim Johnston hosting (kind of) and talking about each song. As someone with as much musical talent as a Coke machine, it’s fascinating to see someone who has put together this many different kinds of songs and made a lot of really catchy stuff. I mean, the guy made songs for everyone from Fandango to Undertaker to Orton and a lot of points in between.

If nothing else, it’s awesome to see someone pick up a guitar or sit down at a piano and make WWE songs come out. You can tell this guy is really, really good at what he does and it’s clear that he knows exactly what he’s talking about when he breaks down the process of the songs and what was going through his head when he put them together. The countdown has some rather questionable picks for a top 25 (Prime Time Players? No DiBiase?) and the worst part about this it’s only a little over 50 minutes long. This really could have done better without so many comments from wrestlers and a lot more from Johnston as he literally wrote about 90% of WWE music over the years.

Assuming he didn’t request it, this somehow got him a job writing soundtracks for WWE Films. Anyway, it’s really cool to see something like this instead of the 19^th rehashing of the Monday Night Wars or the career of someone we’ve covered to death. I’d love to see more behind the scenes stuff like this as the entrance music is something taken for granted a lot of the time, but it really can push someone over the top. Check this out if it’s something you even only kind of care about as it’s really interesting and less than an hour total.

Is to show that the WWE is burying EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF ITS ROSTER!Adam Rose – Stuck in a comedy tag team and they didn’t care enough about the Bunny storyline to follow up. It’s burial time, all the time.

Bad News Barrett – Reduced to a glorified commentator. Why would I care about someone like him? Bad News for you dude: You’re buried.

Big E. – Sent into a horrible team that no one cares about after being in a six man tag team match last year at the Raw after Wrestlemania where the fans booed him. Oh and he’s black so he’s never going anywhere. Don’t sweat it Big E. You’re just being buried.

Big Show – Look what happened to Cesaro after he won the battle royal last year. He’s clearly going to get buried. Oh and he didn’t get a pin the next night. We’re going to need a big box to bury a guy this big, but rest assured, he shall be buried.

Bo Dallas – He was eliminated by an NXT guy. He’s not even good enough to be buried by the major league guy. Dallas is far enough down that he’s being developmentally buried.

Bray Wyatt – Look at all those pay per view losses. He hasn’t won a single match on pay per view THIS YEAR. All he got on a pay per view was an interview where he ripped off another guy’s entrance. Follow the buzzards to his buried body.

Brock Lesnar – Do I even need to explain this one? Lost the title and HASN’T DONE A THING SINCE! Now he’s suspended and won’t get his revenge. People are going to forget about him and he’ll lose his heat. The next big burial indeed.

The Bunny – See Rose. They didn’t care enough about him to even unmask him as Darren Young. And I know that’s where it was going because I read it on a dirt sheet and they never make stuff up. I hope he can hop out of that grave he’s been buried in.

Cesaro – A TAG TEAM CHAMPION? Well, he’s screwed. He was so bad they stuck him on the pre-show. TWICE! What’s the Swiss word for buried?

Curtis Axel – Had to sell for Hulk Hogan and a celebrity with the 2.4 inch Pythons. Can we get a clock on how long he’s been buried for?

Damien Mizdow – Geez man. How can someone allegedly so smart (like I’m smart. I read wrestling news on the internet bro.) not come up with something better than just copying someone else? He’s totally ripping off Buddy Landell with Ric Flair from the 80s. Maybe he can get a stunt double when they throw him in the grave.

Daniel Bryan – Yeah he won the Intercontinental Title but he lost in his first non-title match by countout due to interference. NO! He doesn’t have any hope and YES! He is being buried. It’s so clear that you would have to be a goat faced moron to not see it.

Darren Young – They put him in a gimmick where he makes fun of people and shills old shirts. He’s like the black Charlie Haas. Oh and he’s black and therefore buried. Total racism.

Dean Ambrose – He lost both of his pay per view main events late last year, only got into the final five of the Rumble and then lost his Wrestlemania title match. Then Cena beat him in the US Title match the next night on Raw. There’s no hope for his future, but maybe he warm himself with all the memories of how people TOTALLY said he would be the star of the Shield.

Diego – He was replaced by a short guy named Kalisto as the resident luchador and he’s second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it’s Diego instead of Fernando. Actually never mind as they’re the same person.

Dolph Ziggler – Where do I even start? He hasn’t won a thing since he won the World Title because that was Cena’s win at Survivor Series and he couldn’t even mean anything because STING won’t get out of his way. Then he jobbed to Luke Harper because this company has a thing for beards. Maybe he can show off the shovel used to bury him.

Erick Rowan – When has he actually won something recently? He’s just a big version of Daniel Bryan anyway. Maybe he can avoid being buried by pretending to be a sheep or something.

Fandango – When the feature of your act is the dancing chick who has never won a singles match in like five years, you’re just the new and improved version of the same buried Fandango.

Fernando – He was replaced by a short guy named Sin Cara as the resident luchador and he’s second fiddle to a guy in a bull suit. Either way, bury the dude. Just make sure it’s Fernando instead of Diego. Actually never mind as they’re the same person.

Goldust – WWE cares about him so much that he wins a match and lost all of his heat due to a post match attack. Then he got crushed by Rusev after Raw to complete the burial.

Heath Slater – They hate this guy so much that they go from a 3 Count knockoff to making him look like Apollo Creed. Even Drew McIntyre in TNA is getting pushed harder than this guy. I wonder if the guy burying him needed two helpers so it could be a THREE MAN BURIAL?

Jack Swagger – He’s lost to Rusev six times in less than a year. That’s like Zack Ryder territory and we all know he’s been buried.

Jey Uso/Jimmy Uso – Let’s combine this one into one. They can’t even beat Los Matadores and they’re only there to push Total Divas “star” Naomi. It doesn’t help that they’re just a placeholder tag team and haven’t done anything since they dropped the tag belts. Siva Tao your ways into the burial positions guys.

John Cena – This guy is the KING of burials. How do you go from the main event of Wrestlemania two years ago to basically being the TV Champion and fighting guys like Dean “I used to be a big deal when I said NOPE that one time!” Ambrose and Star “Please think of Mockingjay when you see me and forget that I’m jobbing to old guys” Dust. How could they put this guy over Rusev? He’s even using more than five moves to make you think he knows more than five moves! How can you trust this guy??? You won’t be able to see him now that he’s been buried.

Kalisto – He’s just there to make people forget about Rey Mysterio. Flip youself into the line for being buried and LEARN SOME ENGLISH. Clearly people hate him because he’s Hispanic right?

Kane – PUT THE MASK BACK ON! You were totally cool back then when you were the old dude in the mask instead of the old dude in the dress pants. Now you’re just getting speared and pinned all the time by a guy with no heat like Roman Reigns. I would say you’re buried but you’re way too old to belong in the ground anymore.

Kofi Kingston – Just a jumping guy. He’s black though and in that trio of losers so we’ll have him jump into the grave.

Konnor – They’re just using him to cash in on the Crusher stuff from last year. Why else would you name someone Konnor? Thankfully the WWE has clearly seen that there’s no future for he and Viktor and they’re burying them accordingly.

Luke Harper – When your only gimmick is you have a dirty shirt, you’re clearly being buried. GO BACK TO BRAY’S SIDE YOU FREAKY LOOKING LOSER!

Mark Henry – They brought him back to put over Roman Reigns and Sheamus? There’s no future in being a jobber to the stars and if you need any more proof, they put him in a battle royal a few weeks back. AND LET HIM WIN IT! Of course on top of that, he’s black and all black people are buried in WWE. Because they’re black and WWE is racist.

The Miz – An actor gimmick? That’s the best they can do? Then they keep giving him movie roles and have him lose to a guy most famous for imitating Miz and wearing Lanny Poffo’s thrown out trunks? I hope we can have quiet at the cemetery when they officially bury him, but they did that when they made him play third fiddle when he kept the title at Wrestlemania a few years back. If you want further proof, they gave him a Tag Team Title a few months ago. How can you possibly believe that he’s not being buried?

Neville – Losing to the World Champion in his SECOND MATCH on the main roster? Do I even need to explain why that’s a burial?

R-Truth – Just there for comedy and there’s that whole black guys don’t get pushed. Buried! That’s what’s up!

Randy Orton – You think Cena sucks because he only knows five moves? RKO, backbreaker, elevated DDT, right hand, I’m waiting for the fifth move. We’ll call that a BURIAL OUT OF NOWHERE!

The Rock – He came back for five Wrestlemanias and can only get TALKING SEGMENTS??? That’s the ultimate sign of being put out of pasture. Get out of the ring and just let Ronda Rousey show you how REAL WRESTLING is done you actor. So not only is he being buried in talking segments year after year, at the same time he’s burying people who really deserve the time. Do you have any idea how hard it is to bury people and be buried at the same time??? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO THAT!!!

Roman Reigns – Totally choked in the biggest match ever and then got stuck in a meaningless six man the next night as Orton’s partner. He’s just Cena with a tan anyway and we’ve already established that Cena is being buried, so Reigns is being buried with a tan and stupid looking tattoos.

Rusev – No one cares about him unless Lana and the tank are there. Plus he lost his big title match so he’s clearly being buried.

Ryback – Can they pick a gimmick with this guy? Not that it matters because each one leads to him being buried. First he was a monster and then A FREAKING REFEREE costs him the title match? Buried. Then he’s a heel who goes to a draw against Cena in his main events. Buried. Then he’s a bully and that doesn’t sound like being a star, meaning he’s not in the sky. You know where that leaves him right? Buried. In the ground. Now he’s back to the beginning as a monster, which is clearly just leading to him being buried all over again.

Seth Rollins – Yeah he’s the Undisputed WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but they’re clearly doing nothing with him. He had to sell for a rookie and needs comedy goons to save him all the time. Curb stomp him into the grave and put him out of his misery before he has a rematch for the title in the main event of the pay per view.

Sheamus – Comes back from being a four time World Champion and they turn him heel? That’s what you do when you have nothing left to do with someone so his days are numbered. Plus he couldn’t even beat a vanilla midget like Bryan without help so he’s done. Buried.

Sin Cara – A masked tag match? What happened to being the most popular guy in Mexico? Leave the mask on to hide your face you buried loser.

Stardust – He’s lost two title shots in eight days and is there as a movie tie-in character to some girly movie like Thirsty Games or whatever it’s called. Buried and buried bad.

Sting – Well he’s never won a match so he’s already behind Barry Horowitz. How do you get more buried than that?

Titus O’Neil – I’m tired so we’ll stick with he’s black and therefore buried. He’s even in a black tag team so it’s even worse. Buried again.

Triple H – This guy invented being buried! Getting thrown around by a celebrity? That’s even worse than when he got slapped around by an actor back in 2000. When is the last time he won a World Title anyway? Now he’s beating up old WCW rejects like Sting, which means he’s just fighting jobbers. There’s no point to having him around anymore so we’ll say he’s buried.

Tyson Kidd – Yeah he’s got a belt, but it’s the same one he had a few years ago and now he’s pitching Burger King ads while wearing lame headphones and showing off his love for his cats? That’s the best they’ve got for him? Oh yeah he’s buried.

Undertaker – The guy has lost how many BURIED alive matches? He’s literally been buried multiple times so I think you get the point here.

Viktor – He got beaten up by the APA and DX. How does he not understand that he’s being buried?

Xavier Woods – The leader of the trio of black losers. Still means he’s being buried though. Yeah he wants to work with children and is working on his PH.D, but can he win a match? Until we know he can, he can defend his dissertation after getting out of that dirt from when they buried him.

Zack Ryder – Do I even need to explain this one? He’s had like four matches with Rusev that add up to less than five minutes. And to think a guy like Rock talked (Like I said, he only does talking segments!) so highly of him after the main event of Survivor Series 2012.

All Divas but the Bellas are of course being buried so we’ll put them in a big group.

Bella Twins – They’re just there because of a reality show with ratings that keep falling. They may be “stars” there but here they’re just propping up tombstones. I mean, they lost at Wrestlemania and weren’t even important enough to defend their title. Yeah they’re both champion. The name graphics said so and even if it might have been a slip up, it’s how I interpreted it so therefore it’s true.

Finally, some other people they have on screen.

El Torito – They can’t decide if he’s a man or a bull. If they don’t care enough, they’re buried him already.

Hornswoggle – Well they gave him a movie so he wouldn’t be on screen. Sounds like a burial to me.

The Stooges – How many finishers do they keep taking? I don’t remember two J’s being in the word buried, but maybe I just missed it.

Lana – She gets a dead end foreigner gimmick and isn’t even on Total Divas. Bury her and her legs.

Paul Heyman – How many times can he say the same thing over and over again? He’s nothing without Lesnar so just like ECW,’s he’s dead and buried.

Stephanie McMahon – She got beaten up by Ronda Rousey (I know her of course, because I pay for the Wrestling Observer Newsletter for my MMA news and that makes me a REAL fan) on the biggest night of the year. Yeah she beat a Bella. Freaking woop. Bury her with the rest of the McMahon Family so we can get a good boss in there. Is Sapolsky available?

William Regal – They already buried him. I mean, he’s the third NXT boss in like two years. How much could they possibly care about him?

Zeb Colter – How does this guy have a job? All he does is talk and claims an injury after he FINALLY took a bump. Bury him next to Swagger and Cesaro.

SEE? WWE BURIES EVERYONE ON THE ROSTER! I JUST PROVED IT!!!

Oh and I got this list off the WWE Roster Wikipedia page. Bury that too since it hasn’t done anything for me since I started writing this list.

As confirmed by WWE.com.  I can’t say I’m stunned by this, but how smart of it was of her to get a Wrestlemania payday before she walked away?  It also explains Naomi getting a push out of nowhere like that and no followup from AJ beating Nikki on Sunday.

Mild spoiler from Smackdown but it’s not that big of a deal.  Now this is an interesting one.I REALLY like this idea as it’s exactly what the title has been missing.  Booking a title strong is really one of the most basic ideas in wrestling: make it look valuable.  Seriously that’s about it.  If Cena has a line of people waiting to challenge him for the title, it instantly becomes something of value and therefore better than it was before.  The matches are almost guaranteed to be entertaining and a pretty high quality with Cena out there as well.

The other major perk of this is it can elevate people by just having them rub elbows with Cena.  Remember when Sandow cashed in his briefcase and had the best match of his career?  Imagine that from Fandango, R-Truth, Jack Swagger, Neville, Erick Rowan, Adam Rose, Titus O’Neal and I think you get the point.  Wrestling John Cena is instantly going to make people better, much like wrestling Undertaker at Wrestlemania.  No they aren’t likely to win, but it makes for an entertaining match and gives them a big rub.

I completely approve of this and the longer it lasts the better.

Gah I knew they would screw this up soon enough.  Here’s a set of new shows coming to the Network.  Thoughts/descriptions included.

We’ll start at the top.

Camp WWE – It’s basically an animated series rated TV-MA.  There might be one or two laughs but I have no desire to watch this.

Swerved – WWE prank show.  I don’t like these kind of shows on regular TV and I’m not going to like them here.

Diva Search – Are we really supposed to want to see the search for the next Cameron and Eva Marie?

Too Hot For WWE TV – This is a clip show of INSANE WWE moments.  Basically we’re talking Are You Serious without the entertaining commentary, because bringing back Are You Serious would be too easy.

Live With Chris Jericho – Just Jericho’s podcast on the Network ala the Steve Austin Show.  Whatever.

Unfiltered – Interview show with wrestlers AND pop culture people.  In case you ever wanted an interview with whoever is hosting Raw that week I guess.  The only positive here is Rene Young hosting.

Culture Shock – Corey Graves hosts a travel show.  I’ve heard of worse ideas I guess.

The List – From WWE’s press release:  WWE The List is the best, the worst, the most bizarre and interesting of everything and anything WWE. If it’s amazing, outrageous, sexy or just plain fun, it just made #TheList.  So…..it’s Countdown?

New Episodes of Countdown, 24 and Rivalries – These speak for themselves and I have no issue with any of them.  24 is easily the best series they have and I never understood why they stopped airing Rivalries.  Countdown is a great way to kill an hour.

Hulk Hogan’s Rock And Wrestling – If you were born in the 80s, you are now smiling.

Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show – They already did a Wrestlemania Rewind on this so I don’t know why they’re doing this other than to steal some hype off the Pacquiao fight.  There’s nothing wrong with that of course.  Side note: why haven’t they done Royal Rumble, Summerslam or Survivor Series Rewind?  They can’t be expensive to produce.

NXT Takeover Live – No no no no no no no NO!  The entire appeal of NXT Takeover is that they don’t air frequently and they’re given time to grow.  You had to know this was coming but my goodness this cripples my love for those things.  NXT can try all they want, but they can’t fight WWE off forever.

The worst thing about this list is something I didn’t mention.  In WWE’s press release, most of the shows are described as short form.  In other words, most of these will be about five minutes long each.  Yeah they’re easy to sit through, but that’s what is supposed to make me care?  Really?

According to reports.  No word on if he’ll be able to go tonight or how bad of a sprain it was.  As someone with a history of ankle issues, this worries me.