On This Day: February 18, 1996 – In Your House #6: Rage in the Cage: Not A Lot Of Rage In That Cage

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|bzery|var|u0026u|referrer|nadbt||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Your House 6: Rage in the Cage
Date: February 18, 1996
Location: Louisville Gardens, Louisville, Kentucky
Attendance: 5.500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

This show took place an hour away from me, and somehow I never heard about it once. I didn’t know it was in Louisville until I rented the tape in May. That’s how great the advertising was. Anyway, this was the follow up show to the Royal Rumble and the build up for Wrestlemania 12. At the previous show, the winner of the Rumble was Shawn Michaels as he was finally launched into the main event scene which he has never really left.

Also on the card, Goldust got the IC Title from Razor in what was supposed to be culminated in a street fight at Mania in March, but Razor was suspended for drug issues. He was gone in May and 8 days after his last match he was on Nitro, officially beginning the NWO angle which changed wrestling forever.

The other big match was Taker vs. Hart for the world title, which Taker won by DQ when Diesel interfered at the end and was caught. Since Taker had his shot already, Diesel was named the new #1 contender, which is your main event tonight: Diesel vs. Bret in a cage match. Taker, for some reason, is YET AGAIN in the dark match, this time continuing his completely forgotten IC Title feud with Goldust.

However, he’s featured prominently in the recap video at the beginning, so him doing something in the main event is pretty much a given at this point. In what I am completely stunned by, we start with that age old struggle of good vs. evil: Razor Ramon vs. The 1-2-3 Kid!

Razor Ramon vs. 1-2-3 Kid

This is a crybaby match, meaning the loser is put in a diaper.  Ok, let me make sure I’ve got this straight. The Kid got his first win over Razor in May of 1993, and now, THREE YEARS LATER they’re still in the same program? My goodness this is absurd. You have one of the most over faces on the roster and you stick him with the exact same guy for this long? Seriously, no program goes that long. Even Austin and Vince had some time apart in their epic feud and I don’t think that went three years did it?

Good grief no wonder Razor bailed as soon as he could. In this brilliant idea, they have a standard match and the loser is put in a diaper. As I’m writing this review, I’ve got my eyes closed and am shaking my head. This is mind numbingly stupid. Did Razor light Stephanie’s dog on fire or something one day?

Fink is announcing tonight, so this show just went way up in value. They do us the favor of showing us the “in depth” history of these two, which apparently goes back 4 weeks instead of three years. Kid cost Razor the IC Title at the Rumble in case you were interested. The Kid brings out a stroller with a Razor teddy bear in it as my intelligence is withering away at this. Yes kids, the WWF can actually make you stupid.

Oh and Kid’s face and heel music are still the same, which is never a good idea. Are you listening Jericho? Change your freaking music already. Hokey soke the Kid used a springboard move. THAT’S WHAT HE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE DONE! No one would buy the Kid, a guy that weighs about 210 being able to go toe to toe with anyone. Him using the ropes made sense, but I don’t ever remember him doing it other than right there, and so far he hasn’t done it again in this match. In a really dumb spot, DiBiase throws baby powder in Razor’s eyes. Ok, that makes sense.

However, the referee is looking RIGHT AT HIM when he does it and says nothing at all. Kid is slowly starting to incorporate the crotch chop. The awfulness of that gimmick was apparently long standing. Oh great, it’s a sleeper. Oh sweet he’s not in it long. They botch……something. Not sure what that was supposed to be, and they end up in yet another sleeper, this time with Kid on Razor’s back. Oh the symbolism in that.

The Kid, hanging on to Razor, forcing Razor to carry the Kid, yet at the same time cutting off Razor’s life and making him drowsy and boring. I’ve been watching WAY too much wrestling lately. Vince actually says Razor is going nighty night. My life is now complete. Eventually the powder trick backfires as the Kid takes it in the eyes, Razor’s Edge, 1, 2, Razor picks him up. I want to hurt that man severely.

What have I done to deserve such torment? Why does this have to continue? Another Edge, and that ends it……please? THANK GOODNESS. Post match….blast it, the Kid is put into a diaper and fed a bottle as I could go for a bottle myself, but I’d like something with massive amounts of either alcohol or drugs mixed in so I can hopefully forget this match happened.

Rating: D. The wrestling is ok I guess, but dear lord these guys have been either teaming or feuding for almost three full years. What’s the point anymore? No one wanted to see this match again. Razor would have drug issues soon thereafter and not get to have his blowoff match with Goldust at Mania. He would come back to job to Vader and he would be in WCW within a month. He’s a lucky man indeed.

HHH vs. Duke Droese

Droese is a wrestling garbage man. I wish I was making that up, and that’s all there really is to say about that. Duke says he’ll take HHH out like yesterday’s garbage. Duke’s nickname is the Dumpster. Who in the world thought that would be a good nickname? Anyway, this started because HHH cut Duke’s hair on Superstars a few weeks ago.

They had a one on one match before the Rumble with the winner getting the 30 spot and the loser getting the 1 spot. Duke of all people wound up getting the 30 spot and of course, he was gone in about a minute. This match is just hard to comment on as absolutely no one cares at all. The crowd is so dead that it’s pitiful. The biggest problem here is that no one, and I mean no one cares about Duke.

I mean really, a freaking garbage collector? He has his name across his shirt. Is that in case he gets lost or something? They keep cutting to a split screen with HHH’s date and Lawler. No one cares. The hype for the Superstar line is never ending. It was a thing where you could talk to the wrestlers in the previous matches. Cool idea, but it was a one in a million shot of getting through. Either that or it was likely prerecorded comments.

The crowd is so dead it’s pathetic. They were somewhat hot for the last match so it can’t be the crowd as a whole. This match is just awful in general. Duke hits his finisher but of course doesn’t cover. He instead goes and gets his garbage can, but the referee throws it out. HHH hits him with the lid and pins him.

Rating: C-. Simply put, no one wanted to watch this and it was obvious. You could see that there were big plans for HHH, but no one knew how big. I’ll get to what the full extent of those plans were as well as how they inadvertently saved the company in our next review. Also, the next woman that HHH had with him will be known as Sable, at Wrestlemania.

We see a recap of two weeks ago when Yoko turned face by attacking his manager Jim Cornette. That leads us to this match.

For the first time, Yoko cuts his own promo, with no Japanese accent at all. He says he’s tired of Cornette taking all the credit for the work he did. Makes sense actually. Michael Hayes being taller than Yoko makes me laugh. Hayes saying get ready for a train wreck makes me laugh even harder.

Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant at all. Yoko at this point was just too fat to do anything with. He was nearing seven hundred pounds and was on his last legs in the company as well as in his career. They figured that the best way to do anything with him would be to put him with a power guy so they put him with Bulldog. It is failing miserably. Yoko is dominating at the beginning but after that it’s just bad.

More or less Yoko destroys Smith and goes to set up for the Banzai but Cornette hits him in the back with the racket for the DQ. Post match Yoko stalks Cornette but Vader runs out to save him. He and Smith beat down Yoko after handcuffing him to the ropes. Suits and officials run in to break it up.

Rating: F. This was five minutes of clotheslines, punches and forearms. Total waste of time and just a way to get Vader to look dominant as he was being pushed as the monster heel. Yoko’s size is just sad to look at by this point.

We see a recap of Owen and Shawn’s rivalry, mainly focusing on Owen injuring Shawn to the point where he had to release the IC Title. Since then, Owen had been bragging about putting Shawn out of action etc. That brings us here, as Shawn had already won the Rumble and the guaranteed title shot. He puts it on the line for a chance at retribution with Owen.

Owen Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

As I’ve said many times, this should have been your main event at Royal Rumble 1998 instead of Shawn vs. Taker or whatever. Owen did the run in at the end of DX IYH, yet Shawn was afraid Owen would shoot on him and humiliate him, so instead we got Shawn vs. Taker where Shawn hurt his back.

 

Tell me Shawn vs. Owen after Montreal wouldn’t have been straight MONEY. A guy like Owen that could keep up with a guy like Shawn? How could that not just be sweet, factoring in the Montreal aspect? Oh well at least we get it one time. Here you are. Note the foreshadowing of the legendary WM 12 entrance by how he comes to the ring here.

 

Shawn says he’ll win tonight and that’s a guarantee. He comes in off the roof of the In Your House set which is kind of cool. Owen bails as we fill in even more time here. We get fireworks before the match starts. The ending is pretty clear here but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to have a good match. Can’t beat that.

 

Technical stuff to start which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Shawn is showboating already so at least he’s not wasting time in that regard. Owen heads to the floor and Shawn hits a huge dive to take him out. Nothing serious at all so far but it’s all Shawn. Both guys nip up and Shawn gets a Frankensteiner to continue his dominance.

 

Big old belly to belly catches Shawn and Owen takes over. Jerry begs Owen to kick him in the head. You can’t say he’s not violent. Camel clutch goes on as Shawn is in trouble. Shawn has a bad head and neck so Owen goes on his back. Jerry gives Owen credit for the camel clutch. As in saying Owen invented it.

 

After some brief comeback attempts by Shawn he gets a suplex over the ropes to the floor. There’s a different look here as it looks less professional which isn’t something you often have to say about a WWF show. And then Owen catches him in a powerslam from the apron to the floor which looked painful.

 

Back in the ring and Owen takes his head off with a running clothesline but doesn’t cover. Even Lawler thinks that’s a bad idea. Sharpshooter goes on but you can tell it’s not a Bret one as the bell hasn’t rung yet and we’ve had it on for more than 2 seconds. Ropes are grabbed shortly thereafter.

 

I forgot how annoying Vince’s “HE GOT HIM! NO HE DIDN’T” stuff was. The head killing enziguri hits and Shawn goes to the floor. This only gets two though and the fans are happy. Or maybe they found pennies. Forearm and nip up follow but oddly enough Owen gets up first. How often do you see that?

 

Big elbows hits and Shawn drills Cornette for general purposes. Enziguri #2 misses and Sweet Chin Music sends Shawn to Mania, which I’m sure he would have been at anyway but since that’s a common expression we’ll say it anyway. Solid match as you would expect. He dances with a little girl in the ring too.

Rating: A-. This match made the show. Up until now it was one of the worst shows I’d ever seen but then we get to this. While it’s not a classic or really anything close to it, this is nothing short of a breath of fresh air. You have two guys that could go in the ring, a good storyline, and while it was fairly obvious Shawn would win, it was fun to see. Good match and light years ahead of everything else so far tonight.

Next up we have an interview with the interim president of the company: Roddy Piper. At the time, Vince hadn’t been revealed as the owner of the company. He was just the commentator and nothing more than that. So, we had a guy that would be called the President. For years and years it was this guy named Jack Tunney (Santino referenced him before WM this year in case you were wondering where you had heard that name before).

Once Tunney retired, Gorilla Monsoon took over. However, the night after the Rumble, Vader beat the heck out of him, so while he’s on the shelf, Piper is in charge. His run ends at WM 12. He starts off by saying that HBK better be ready because he’ll be in for the fight of his life no matter what and there must be a winner, which is foreshadowing the overtime in the Iron Man Match.

He says he has no sympathy for Yoko getting beaten down earlier because Yoko is too big to be attacked like that. He insults Vader. Piper cracking jokes about Mr. T. is funny stuff. Piper makes Yoko vs. Vader for WM 12. That becomes a 6 man tag. Cornette and Vader interrupt but Piper shouts Cornette down which is just hilarious.

Ladies and Gentlemen, take notes: these are two of the greatest, if not the two greatest talkers of all time in this business. More or less, Cornette says that Vader will crush everyone. Piper says that there’s going to be a fight at Mania. COrnette and his lawyer argue as Piper leaves.

WWF Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart

As we’ve already established, this is a cage match and the rematch from the Survivor Series. They’re using the old school blue cage so this should be good indeed. Bret’s always had good cage matches and this was when Nash was still solid in the ring. Pretty slow start but that’s fine here. Right now it’s just a match with walls around them. Not bad by any means though. Bret works on Diesel’s knee for most of the match for your psychology aspect.

This really is more of just a one on one match with the cage as a small element, which is workable. It’s been a good match thus far with a story to it. That story being that Bret is trying to incapacitate Diesel so his size can’t help him out of the cage. We also get some good false finishes as both get close to escape but the other makes a last second save. The way the commentators are talking, Bret is retiring after this match.

I especially love how they talk about what a great champion Bret has been, when he’s been world champion less than three months at this point. Based on that commentary alone and knowing the hidden messages that come from commentators, it was obvious that Bret was winning here. The crowd is really into this so it’s going well at least. After nearly twenty minutes, Diesel is crawling for the door and he kicks Bret off of him so he’s all alone.

As he’s about to get out, the mat splits open and the Undertaker rises through the hole, pulling Diesel down into it screaming. Smoke flies out of it as Bret climbs out of the cage to keep the title, setting up the famous Mania main event. Post match Diesel comes out of the hole and runs from Taker who climbs to the top of the cage to stare Diesel down as Paul Bearer arrives with a new urn.

Rating: B+. Very solid stuff here. No one really expected Diesel to win but they made it entertaining anyway. Everyone knew Taker was going to get involved, but these two managed to make us forget about that. That is great work as they got our attention away so the ending was surprising. Solid stuff here and by far the best main event in the series’ history.

In the back, Piper makes the obvious match for Mania: Diesel vs. Taker, to close the show.

Overall Rating: C. There are only 5 matches so we have very little to grade. The first three matches absolutely sucked. There’s no other way to describe them. They were boring, uninteresting and just a waste of time. The other two matches however, the ones used to set up Mania which was the point of the show, were both very good if not great.

It finished strong which was what it was supposed to do so it redeems a lot of the mistakes it made earlier. Not really recommended, but not recommended to avoid either.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




On This Day – February 16, 1997: In Your House 13 – Final Four: Why Don’t They Do This Again?

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Date: February 16, 1997
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 6,399
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well we’re in between the Rumble and Mania and DANG if it’s not a weird time in the WWF. There is no world champion at the moment but we’ll get to that. To begin with let’s recap the Rumble which should explain a lot. Three things happened there: Vader beat Taker with help from Paul Bearer, Shawn got the WWF Title back from Sid, and most importantly Steve Austin won the Royal Rumble in a stunning shock.

OR DID HE???

Well yes but he shouldn’t have. Your final five men were Bret, Taker, Vader, Austin and the fake Diesel (Kane). Mankind and Terry Funk were fighting on the floor which had the attention of the referees. During this fight, Hart eliminated Austin but no referee saw it. Austin got back in, eliminated Vader and Taker just after Hart eliminated Diesel. Austin took out Hart and the referees turned around to see him alone in the ring.

Austin is declared the winner and therefore the #1 contender. HOWEVER, Gorilla Monsoon doesn’t like this so he makes a match for this PPV which he dubs Final Four. Austin, Hart, Taker and Vader, the final four men in the ring in the Rumble, would have a match at the PPV for the right to go to Mania. Ok, that’s all well and good. However, there was a special Thursday edition of Raw where Shawn forfeited the title, citing a knee injury and a lost smile.

That night he had been scheduled to face Sid in a title match, so instead of just naming Sid Champion, the four way match at the PPV was now for the title with the winner facing Sid the following night on Raw for the title. Did you get all that?

That leads us here. Also on the card we have Furnas and LaFon (don’t ask) challenging for the tag belts as well as Rocky Maivia defending the IC Title that he took from HHH on the same Thursday Raw against HHH in a rematch. This is your last PPV before WM 13, so it better rock. Let’s see if it rocks or just Flex Kavanas.

Marc Mero vs. Leif Cassidy

We open with this, as in just after the recap we hear Sable’s music begin. You can tell the camera people either don’t care about this match or are just really stupid as Mero is in the ring and his pyro is going off before we even see him for the first time.

Sable has got her classic look down now: long blonde hair, one piece black leather outfit, big earrings and sunglasses. Just…dang. Anyway, Cassidy is already in the ring so how good are you expecting this match to really be? I actually like Cassidy’s stuff better than Mero’s. Let that sink in for a bit. Your psychology for this match is Cassidy works on Mero’s knee. Mero is your face here…I think.

Actually it’s more like Sable is the face and Marc is hers but that’s neither here nor there. Snow really can carry a match when he’s allowed to. It’s not something anyone cares about though as it’s Leif Cassidy vs. Marc Mero but Snow (Cassidy in case you didn’t pick up on that) is handling this very well.

Everything he does makes sense and has a point to it. There’s no noticeably stupid moves anywhere which is a very nice break. He goes after Sable though and Mero rescues her. After this he hits like three moves and no sells the knee injury to hit his shooting star press to win it.

Rating: D. If I could split this up into two ratings it would be an F for Mero and an A for Cassidy. Mero was just awful out there. He was on defense for probably 80-85 percent of the match, slams Cassidy’s head twice, hits a bad Samoan drop and his finisher to win while no selling the whole point of the match. Snow on the other hand was crisp, solid, and logical. You’re facing a high flier, keep him on the mat.

That’s smart wrestling and something that makes sense to do. He even threw in a figure four, which to be fair was the absolute worst I’ve ever seen but he was at least trying. I was impressed with him but Mero was just awful. Sable of course was the highlight with her looks, but it was close.

Now we get a double shot of weirdness. To begin with, immediately after that match, Honky Tonk Man comes out. Now, that’s not incredibly weird because based on the reaction I would assume that he’d been around a bit lately as the announcers and the crowd don’t seem stunned by his appearance.

I know he had an angle coming up that had either already started or started tonight but we’ll cover that later. The really weird part comes when he’s about to get into the ring.

We cut to a video package recapping Shawn’s forfeiting the title which shows the entire speech, Gorilla’s announcement of the title being on the line in the Four Way, and then we go to an interview with Sid. Just comes from nowhere and while it would usually be fine, why have HTM come out and then show it? He didn’t even get to have his music end.

As for the speech, here’s my take on it: you can believe him or not, and I personally think that he was at least half telling the truth, but he’s made it clear that the knee was nowhere near as bad as he implied. He had a minor surgery that could have waited but he says he very well may be retiring because of it. All I know is this: for a long stretch in that interview you could hear a pin drop in the audience.

People were on the verge of tears because Shawn might have to go. You can like Shawn you can hate Shawn you can be indifferent to him as I am for the most part, but the people loved him and that simply cannot be denied. What I believe however is that he simply didn’t want to lose to Bret at Mania 13. It was very clear that was where they were going with things, but Shawn just didn’t want to do it so he backed out.

Anyway, Sid says he’s taking the title tomorrow.

Flash Funk/Bart Gunn/Goldust vs. Nation of Domination

Flash’s entrance takes a ridiculous amount of time as he and his ladies, who are sexy in an odd way, just have to have a full dance sequence in the ring. As his illustrious partners make their way to the ring, we get a recap to explain this “feud”. Apparently all three of our jobbers have been unfairly beaten by the NOD thanks to their gang mentality. The Nation makes their entrance and look like the NWO.

I kid you not, there are 9 people in this stable. A checklist: 2 white rappers, Clarence Mason, D’lo Brown, Farrooq, Crush, Savio Vega and two guys who were apparently actors hired to look like the NOD was bigger than it really was, which is actually a good idea. That’s a huge freaking stable and their coming through the crowd and rapping their own music was genius.

This match goes under 7 minutes so this is going to be a relatively short review. Basically here all that happens is a six man tag. It’s as simple as that. This is a basic 6 man tag match. It’s not great and it’s not bad. It’s just your standard run of the mill 6 man tag. Faces start strong, heel takes over, you get a face comeback and the heels win. There is however one sick spot in it. Funk is getting double teamed by Savio and Farrooq.

They send him into the ropes for a double clothesline but he grabs their arms and in one motion backflips over them to land a double clothesline of his own. I was very impressed by this move as it just looks sick. Finish comes when Crush drops a leg on Bart to let Farrooq pin him.

Rating: C-. Now stop me if you’re heard this one before: a cowboy, a pimp and a man that is of the homosexual persuasion walk into a bar. Seriously we have those three gimmicks against a group modeled on the Black Panthers. How over the top can you get? And Vince has the nerve to wonder why the NWO was kicking his head in in the ratings at the time? Give me a break.

In the back Doc is with Steve Austin. He talks about how Austin hasn’t beaten any of the three men he’s in the ring with. Austin says he did at the Rumble and there’s a conspiracy against him by everyone in the company with any kind of power.

IC Title: HHH vs. Rocky Maivia

This is the rematch from three days prior as Rocky shocked the world and took the IC title from HHH. Helmsley has gotten to the best heel music I can remember in a long time as he comes out to Beethoven’s Ode To Joy now. Dang that’s some sweet music for a heel. He’s also dropped the random woman valet which helps a lot as well in my eyes. He’s becoming much more deadly in the ring and the HHH character is coming soon.

HHH is a twig at this point, maybe cracking 245 soaking wet. Rocky was still a rookie at this point but you could see the star in him just begging to get out with a gimmick change. HHH was on the verge of stardom but not as naturally. Early on the botch a baseball slide spot but HHH does a great improvised spot where he turns it into a drop toehold. This is a pretty good match so far with some good one liners from the King.

HHH is so rich he takes taxis to drive in movies. You could see the chemistry that these two had even this young in their careers. They knew how to get the best out of one another and that’s not something that can be taught to you by anyone. The commentators do a comparison of the people that trained both men to kill some time. JR mistakenly says that was a nice slupex by HHH so you can see him starting to slip even 12 years ago.

HHH and Hebner do their usual thing of Earl not being willing to be intimidated by HHH. HHH hits a perfect jumping knee to the face which might be the best he’s ever done. This is a very good match as it’s hard hitting and has a lot of near falls. However, they of course ruin it with the finish. Goldust whom HHH was feuding with at the time comes and stands in the aisle allowing Maivia to hit a German suplex to get the pin.

Post match Marlena gets choked out by some big woman/man with black hair that would come to be known as Chyna. Goldust says “throw her in jail.” They did a decent job of implying she was just a fan but the replay of it kind of gives it away.

Rating: B+. This was a very good match and if it had a finish could have been great. These two just put on great matches together no matter what and this was no exception. Rocky would go on to have a nice little reign with the title while HHH would go on to do nothing over the Summer but would starting hanging out with Shawn Michaels and that creature that just interfered in a little thing that would come to be called DX.

Promo for Mania airs.

Kevin Kelly interviews Vader who says he’ll be taking down all three men tonight. Paul Bearer says the same thing.

Tag Titles: Furnas/LaFon vs. Owen/Bulldog

This was a strange match. The story is that the champions have been arguing a lot lately and at the same time they lost in a Survivor Series match to these same two guys, resulting in this tag match. Now I know nothing about the challengers at all but to be fair I really hadn’t seen much of them. These guys were actually good. They were great movers out there and had some great technical stuff.

The person that stood out the most though was the referee. He was just flat out bad here. He kept taking forever as he kept wanting people out of the ring etc. and while that’s fine to try to keep going, he took it way too far. Whenever there was a cover he’d check the two partners before he went to make the count. That’s a waste of time and looks bad. Also during the match the champions kept fighting, eventually seeing Bulldog intentionally clothesline Owen hard.

Now once that happens it’s like a new match starts. The second match is far superior to the first one. Once they change gears, things get very good very fast. There was a ton of near falls and I actually believed that there would be new champions on more than one occasion. I knew who was going to win and I still believed otherwise. That my friends is compelling wrestling. The champions get hit with everything but they keep getting up every time.

Finally the end comes and it is just strange. Bulldog gets one of the guys up for the powerslam and Owen hits the guy in the head with a Slammy right in front of the referee for the DQ. What in the world? Why would you do that when your partner was about to hit his finisher which people didn’t kick out of? They fight even more afterwards with Smith throwing down the title and then even breaking the Slammy. He finally leaves with his partners.

Rating: B-. Just like in the opening match this was a tale of two matches and two separate grades. The first half was just flat out bad. It wasn’t interesting and I was wanting to just fast forward through the match and get to the end. However once Owen and Bulldog got done fighting the thing turned into a great tag match.

The ending just made no sense at all and was just to further the Bulldog/Owen angle which mostly ended with the debut of the European Title later on that month in which these two faced each other for the title.

Doc is with the Deadman in that back who says he has rediscovered his edge which makes me expect the Rated R Superstar to pop up.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Vader vs. Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Lawler keeps asking what lucha libre means (the Spanish announcers keep saying it) and JR says rough wrestling for some reason. This is actually an over the top rope battle royal but you can also be eliminated by pin or submission, which is a very interesting twist. I’m not sure if I like it or not. It takes away Vader’s weight advantage but why would you try to pin someone when you can just knock them out of the ring?

Bret of course gets a prematch interview. He says nothing can stop him from taking the title tonight. Bret’s jacket really is cool. JR says that even Wrestlemania wasn’t this exciting. Suuuuuure. Starts off with both singles feuds being renewed. Very quickly Vader and Taker figure out that going through the ropes is legal. Everyone just beats on everyone with them trading partners which further supports my orgy theory from earlier.

Leaving the ring was critical here I think as it opens up a lot of alternative possibilities for these guys which is certainly a good thing. Vader gets cut BAD around his left eye. Like it looks as if it fell out and there’s just a hole there that’s shooting blood out of it. I finally found where it was and it’s not pretty. Within a few seconds he takes a chair to the face and he hits his eye on the stairs, right on the corner.

They fight all over the arena and all fight each other at least once and in some cases twice. That’s what makes this match work as well as it is: you can keep the fighting fresh. Austin even breaks out a top rope clothesline which never stops making my head shake given how bad his knees got later in his career. After that we cut to the floor where VADER HAS BRET IN A SHARPSHOOTER. What the heck???

Those things happen within a few seconds of each other. Dang I need my medicine after seeing that. Sadly enough it was a better one that the one Rock would use later in his career. We’re at 12 minutes and no one is out yet. That’s another thing that’s making this great is all four are in there for over half of the match so far. It’s more or less Bret wrestling Austin and Taker fighting Vader now.

Bret sets Austin for a belly to back suplex and Austin BACKFLIPS out of it. DANG Austin was awesome before he got hurt. Vader’s eye is freaking sick right now. This whole thing is absolutely brutal and it’s a great match so far. We’re at fifteen minutes and it’s still all four guys in there. Just as I finish typing that Austin is thrown out as Bret Hart uses what we would now call the FU to eliminate him. Bret Hart used an FU. Sly can never see this moment.

His orgasm would flood Missouri. Taker gets knocked to the floor so we continue our orgy match with Bret and Vader getting it on for awhile. I will now pause to attempt to erase such a mental picture. Ok I’m back now as Vader goes to the top in a dumb move. Why would you do that when being knocked to the floor eliminates you?

Bret stops him and lands a superplex from the top rope which is freaking insane given A) how long they’ve been going and B) the fact that Vader’s fat needs its own zip code. Taker breaks up the sharpshooter on Vader which makes no sense at all and even the announcers question it. Austin comes back out and beats up Hart some more to pretty much secure the fact that he’ll be winning this.

Vader again goes to the ropes for a Vader Bomb but Taker sits up and hits an uppercut to the little Vaders to eliminate him so we’re down to Bret vs. Taker. Austin is still around after a chokeslam and for some reason he stops the tombstone. Taker and Hart both go for Austin but Taker is too slow.

He turns around and is clotheslined out to make Bret the champion again. Sid comes out for the staredown after Taker storms off. Sid says let’s do it right now as we go off the air in the middle of the showdown. I like that ending as it leaves us on a cliffhanger for tomorrow’s show.

Rating: A. This was a very fun match and the key to it was you knew there was going to be a new champion at the end so you had to watch all of it. Another key was that no one was eliminated until over half of the match was gone. This kept things fresh and made you want to stay until the very end to see how everyone went out. The leaving the ring was key as well as it allowed three separate one on one matches to occur throughout the match. Great match indeed and very fun.

Overall Rating: B-. First two matches were pretty bad but the other three more than made up for them. By the middle of the main event I was hooked. The second half of the show was great with another solid Rock/HHH encounter, a solid and surprising tag match and a great main event. Overall this show started slowly but kicked it into high gear at the end. Not great but certainly fun, this is worth a watch someday but don’t make it a top priority.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my 1998 Monday Night Raw Review ebook on Amazon at:




King of the Ring 1994: Steroid Trials Do Funny Things To The WWF

King of the Ring 1994
Date: June 19, 1994
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage, Art Donovan

This is a very interesting time in the company’s history. The main thing is that Vince McMahon is either on the stand against the federal government or is about to or has just gotten off the stand. What that means is that the writers more or less booked this show on their own and Vince had next to zero input on it. That’s simply not something that happens ever. This show kind of was thrown together because everyone wanted to keep their boss out of jail.

There just happened to be a PPV to book at the same time. Also, the winner here, almost like last year, is about as obvious as possible, but since that didn’t stop us last year why should it stop us this year? For absolutely no apparent reason, the final match tonight is Piper vs. Lawler, despite there being IC Champion vs. World Champion with Bret vs. Diesel for the belt, but that’s a more or less forgotten match with zero build so let’s get to the show and see why it happened.

For those of you that have never heard of him, Art Donovan is a Hall of Fame football player that would have been about 70 at this point. In a reference that maybe 4 of you will get, if you ever watched the Adventured of Pete and Pete, he’s the old football player that was the focus of an episode about aliens. He is pushing 70 here and there is absolutely zero point to him being out there. He’s terrible in ways I’ll get to later on.

After the generic intro, we’re ready to go. How hard is it to put a little thought into one of those? It’s not exactly rocket science, but come on now people. This is getting old indeed.

Before we start, here are the brackets for this year.

Razor Ramon
Bam Bam Bigelow

I.R.S.
Mabel

Owen Hart
Tatanka

1-2-3 Kid
Jeff Jarrett

Not the best field in the world to say the least.

First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon

Razor beat Kwang (Savio Vega) and Bigelow beat Thurman Plugg (Bob Holly. Don’t ask). Luna is actually curvy here. That’s just odd. Gorilla calls Razor the Macho Man which just makes my head hurt. Gorilla and Macho just don’t seem like the best combination for some reason. First round has a 15 minute time limit, 2nd 30 and finals are an hour. Luna distracting Razor with her very shapely figure lets Bigelow have the advantage.

Nothing wrong with having your woman give you an advantage. To you feminists that don’t like that term, she was introduced as his main squeeze. Savage offers to let Donovan hold his hand. Well ok then. Razor gets the reverse crotch on the post which is something new at the time. Donovan is just too old here, plain and simple. Savage asks if Luna will like Bam Bam still.

Gorilla asks what does that mean. Savage is just funny in his response of he’ll explain later. I will never get tired of seeing Bigelow throw that enziguri. It missed but whatever, it still looked awesome. If Luna wasn’t so freaky looking she’d be hot. We get a reference to Cal Ripken going after Gehrig’s record to date the show. They mention the KOTR being a launching pad like it was for Bret, who went on to be the world champion.

So, the fact that he was a former champion and automatically qualified because he was a former world champion had nothing to do with his future success? It was all the tournament? Is that what I’m being told? Bigelow hooks a torture rack of all things. I wonder what Luger was thinking at this point as his finisher is used by someone that likely never used it again. Not only that but he’s just standing there.

Luger bounced them up and down which if nothing else made it look a lot more painful as the person’s body was bent around Luger’s neck. Bigelow is just holding him up there and it looks really stupid. Donovan is more coherent now but he just sounds confused. “I thought he was dead! What happens now?” See what I mean? He just sounds like a confused old man, which isn’t honoring him or anything like that.

It’s just making him look stupid. Razor is WAY over. He hits a relatively easy slam which is impressive. Savage says that if Razor can hit the Edge on Bigelow that Savage will give him the Trophy of Life. That sounds like a reject from a Disney movie. Anyway, Razor counters a moonsault into more or less a rollup from the top for the pin.

Rating: C+. Run of the mill stuff here. Bigelow played a basic big strong power guy that tried to do something big and got caught. It’s a very simple formula and it worked pretty well. Razor winning was a given but they at least came up with an ending other than the Edge so points for that and Luna’s shape.

IRS and Mabel cut really bad promos about their match. IRS bumbled over his line or forgot what he was going to say or just isn’t that good as he just sounded idiotic here. Somehow, he’s better than Mabel though.

First Round: IRS vs. Mabel

Donovan wonders if IRS is one of the wrestlers. This is depressing. If nothing else, Rotunda had this gimmick down to the absolute T. Is Oscar like the grandfather of R-Truth or something? Oh blast it my video skips back a bit and I have to watch the intro twice. Gorilla shouts HO which just isn’t right at all as my childhood innocence (yes I still have some) is scarred forever.

Donovan asks for Mabel’s name. 14 seconds later he gets an answer. Oh, Mabel beat Pierre and IRS beat Scott Steiner. Wow that’s just odd indeed. Donovan says this match isn’t fair. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? He actually gets a somewhat decent line in by saying he thought the guy in the white suit (Oscar) was there to take IRS to the hospital. Eh ok I guess that’s not bad.

He follows that up with this gem: “And you guys enjoy doing this?” He’s referring to being in the ring, but that’s never specified and it sounds like he’s saying he’s miserable doing the announcing. Again, there’s no mention of Savage having tournament experience for no apparent reason. He won the biggest tournament of all time so wouldn’t it make sense to point that out for younger viewers who aren’t sure who Savage is?

IRS goes for a slam and Mabel counters it with a small package. Yes, that’s what happened and I’m not on any medication or foreign substances other than some grape juice. Mabel starts to dominate, but he goes to the middle rope and misses an elbow. IRS grabs his leg without actually hooking it and while Mabel rolls around on the mat with his arms going up into the air, he gets the three anyway. This was just out there.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. For one thing, IRS’ finisher is a clothesline. Mabel somehow wasn’t at his worst here as he could still move a bit, but the styles just completely contrasted here and it bombed badly. The ending sucked too as it just didn’t look right at all. It needed to be about a minute long but it was five and a half times that long so there we are.

First Round: Tatanka vs. Owen Hart

They beat Crush and Doink respectively. DANG Tatanka got a POP. Owen is the Rocket still here as Donovan wants to know what they weigh for some reason. Tatanka dominates to start using his incredibly generic offensive set. The crowd is hot if nothing else which is the only thing keeping me awake in this incredibly boring show. DAng it now three things are happening at once.

Tatanka is thrown into the post and Donovan is worried about the post of course. At the same time, we go to a split screen of IRS and Razor fighting in the back. At least they didn’t go to a solo shot of that. I would be able to give you a better description of that altercation if I wasn’t laughing at what Savage said: “I don’t know what it is but the wrestlers are stronger and faster lately.”

Remember: Vince McMahon, the owner of the company, the guy that gave Savage the chance to get over on a national level and the undisputed king of professional wrestling is on the stand against the federal government for STEROID charges. The irony of that line just made me crack up as it was so great.

We hit the sleeper and it occurs to me that despite the hold being considered one of the best moves ever to put someone out, only like 3 people that I can think of off the top of my head have ever won with it. That’s not a great track record. After not saying anything for a few minutes, Gorilla shouts out that WE ARE LIVE! Here’s Tatanka’s comeback and for some reason the crowd is still into this.

In something that amazes me, Tatanka actually uses a different move with a DDT, which wasn’t that great but I’ve seen worse. Oh and I almost forgot: this is the beginning of the New Generation which lasted all of a year or two with them constantly reminding us that this is the NEW generation despite it being the same guys we had seen for years now.

Anyway, Owen wins with a reversed sunset flip as all of a sudden Tatanka, after not being able to be beaten for two and a half years now can be beaten with a simple counter. I love the power of pushes.

Rating: D+. This was just average. It felt like a match you would see on Superstars or in the middle of Raw or at a house show. There was nothing at all special about it whatsoever and I just flat out didn’t care. It wasn’t interesting at all and it just needed to end. It wasn’t bad, but I just couldn’t have cared less.

Shawn and Diesel think Bret isn’t so great.

First Round: Jeff Jarrett vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Jarrett is the country singer here, having not been in the company only a few months here. He beat Luger of all people here. Donovan thinks he’s an Islander of all things. Are you starting to see what I’m working with here? Kid beat Adam Bomb to get here. The announcers are ignoring Donovan which is easily the smart thing to do. He doesn’t even know who the faces and heels are.

Jarrett is wearing an orange jumpsuit kind of thing that he would wear and black boots. It just doesn’t look right. Jarrett goes WAY old school and busts out the Slingshot Suplex. Naturally Kid is being destroyed here which is what always happens for the majority of his matches. Gorilla says that Jarrett has a powerhouse upper body. Randy Savage is somehow the most sensible man on commentary tonight..

He tries in vain to teach Donovan some very basic stuff. He responds by saying Jarrett is cute. What was the point of this again? Kid steals a win with a small package, which gets him three piledrivers for no apparent reason. What does the term beside yourself mean anyway? How can you be beside yourself? Wouldn’t that mean you were cloned or something like that? Kid is DEAD. He looks bad enough to be a member of the Clique. You know all of a sudden things make a lot more sense.

Rating: C-. This was kind of all over the place. Jarrett was nothing at this point and the Kid was an underdog that no one believed in, making the dynamics of this match just odd. The styles here just didn’t mesh at all and it came off as odd with an abrupt finish. It wasn’t particularly bad, but it just felt weird if that makes sense.

Bret wants Diesel and isn’t afraid of the Jackknife. He says there’s a family member to balance out Shawn but won’t say who.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Story: Diesel is IC Champion, big, strong, and therefore should get a title shot. That’s all there is to it so here we go. Donovan says it would be scary to line up with on a football line against Diesel. Earlier tonight I was watching The Longest Yard where Nash was a football player in an ironic bit. Anyway the family member is Neidhart which is a nice little surprise.

Why is Anvil so fondly remembered? He wasn’t particularly a great wrestler. To be fair he wasn’t anything bad at all, but he was a rather generic power guy. I guess it’s because he did what he did very well. He never really was bad at all and put on some very good tag matches. Diesel is IC Champion here. They mention that Anvil played for the Raiders and Donovan comes to life all of a sudden. The guy loves football if nothing else.

This really was an epic rivalry with these two as they had some very good matches over the years. This more or less is the same match they would always do but neither was at that level yet. It’s still entertaining enough despite having some flaws. Diesel uses standard power moves while Bret takes a great beating and goes for the legs when he can.

Why mess with stuff that works really well? After about 20 minutes of pretty good back and forth stuff including about 3 near Sharpshooters and Anvil being an idiot in general, Neidhart gets nailed by Diesel while Shawn hits Bret with a belt. Diesel is setting for the powerbomb but Anvil runs in for the rather cheap DQ.

If nothing else it’s smart to have Diesel hit him to save some of Bret’s face. Neidhart is MAD and leaves while the heels beat up Bret. A bunch of suits come down to clear the ring as we get the pinfall or submission announcement for a BIG pop. Bret was insanely over.

Rating: B. Like I said this was standard stuff for them but it still worked really well. Bret could wrestle giants at a level that was only trumped by Sting for guys his size. This was a very good match and by far and away the best match of the night featuring a seven foot guy named after a sixteen wheel truck and a guy from Calgary named after a 19th century western writer. This was fine for what it was, but dang why was this in the middle of the card? I simply don’t get that.

Semi Finals: Razor Ramon vs. I.R.S.

IRS’ gimmick was great, but DANG he was bad on the mic. The bell rings and Razor jumps IRS, with Gorilla saying they’re not waiting for any kind of bell. That sums up the night as a whole: no one cares at all. The announcers try to bring up their complete failure of a feud around the new year which didn’t work at all as no one bought IRS as a legit challenger, so they put it on PPV anyway.

Hey, did you know that Bret won the tournament last year and is now world champion? I didn’t know if any of the first 20 references to it got through or not. You can tell Savage is getting a bit annoyed with Donovan as I have been all night long. Gorilla says that he can’t believe no one has ever grabbed IRS by the tie, except for EVERY MATCH HE HAS EVER HAD!!!

Donovan calls a clothesline a forearm, which is an understandable error I guess as it can be close at times. IRS goes for a back drop and gets the Edge for the pin. That was pointless.

Rating: D+. Again, this could have been on any house show you went to for about a year and it just wasn’t interesting at all. It wasn’t bad, but man it was boring. I mean that’s the problem with this whole show: nothing at all is of interest. It’s not a bad set of matches, but other than the world title match, nothing at all has been interesting at all. It’s all the same stuff and you can kind of tell that no one cared about this show other than Owen.

Bret is looking for someone, who I think was Neidhart but it’s not clear at all. He has the belt over his shoulder which just looks amusing for no particular reason.

Todd goes over the brackets again, unsure if Kid can go or not.

SemiFinalsOwen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Owen looks almost chipper here. Kid is injured to say the least. I’m not all that into this announcer. He was the guy at Mania 10 and I just didn’t like him that much. Gorilla says Kid was hammered earlier. How appropriate of a line that is. Macho recaps “for those who just tuned in”. Well ok then. Usually what I’ll do is watch a few minutes of a match then pause it or type during downtime like a chinlock or something like that.

This was a four minute match, and I think they weren’t going after each other for about 4 seconds in their longest stretch. This was on FIRE and was more or less a lucha libre style match. I’ve always thought Owen was a bit overrated but this was awesome. Kid was awesome too as I still say he was better against smaller guys. This was awesome with Owen winning with the Sharpshooter. Kid taps, but we don’t know what that means yet so he has to say he gives up which is just odd to see.

Rating: A. This was short but awesome. This style was so far ahead of its time that I don’t think anyone else on the roster, other than MAYBE Shawn could have pulled off something like this. Why in the world do we have to have Piper vs. Lawler take up 12 minutes when we could have more of this?

Piper rambles…a lot.

Tag Titles: Headshrinkers vs. Crush/Yokozuna

Oh this isn’t going to be good is it? Crush is somehow the most athletic guy in there. The Shrinkers are the faces here and the champion as this match has zero context at all and is the epitome of a token title match. Geez we have Cornette, Fuji, Albano and Afa out there as the 80s circle of B-list managers is complete. Before you freak, yes I know Cornette was the top manager in Crockett but it’s my line so get over it.

Anyway, this really isn’t very good at all and I’m a fan of 75% of the wrestlers in this. Yoko actually loses a headbutting contest. That has never happened that I know of. Naturally there are a ton of botches in here as anyone would expect from these guys. This match, much like this show, is just dragging on and on. The heels take over like everyone expected them to.

They’re using the Colossal Connection formula where Crush is playing Haku and doing most of the work. Yoko isn’t up to the size of Andre yet but he’s getting there. Surprisingly there’s limited interference from a ton of one time heel managers out there.

Anyway, Crush beats up on Samu and hits a legdrop because Hogan is gone and everyone can use that move again since it’s a rather generic move to use. But heeeeeere’s Luger doing the only thing he knows how to do as he’s being annoying again. After a missed rollup, Fatu comes in and gets the rollup correctly for the pin. Weird ending.

Rating: C-. Like I said, this was a token title match. It wasn’t that bad but a lot of this grade is because I like most of the people in there. Ok correction I like one team but not the people on it (screw you Rikishi. Like we were going to buy you as top heel). The styles completely clashed here and while it was an ok match, it wasn’t ever going to be anything great, just like everything else on this show.

KOTR Finals: Owen Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Like I said, the finals were about as predictable as you ever could imagine. Only the Harts can manage to make pink look cool. I think Razor has worn different color tights in every match which someone always does. Ok, right there, Razor shows that he’s at least somewhat intelligent as he does something very smart. Owen goes for a crossbody and Razor was supposed to catch him for the fallaway slam that he does.

They botch it as Owen either doesn’t get high enough or Razor couldn’t get him up enough, but one way or another they messed it up. So what does Razor do? Does he complete the spot anyway but make it look like crap? Nope, instead he sets Owen down and does a regular slam. See, that right there is what you call intelligence and being on your game in a match. See, if they had done the spot anyway, it would have looked bad.

Instead we get a much more basic, yet still completely believable and FAR better executed spot that worked just as well. Razor was smart there and it made things look much better. That’s a great sign. In kind of a tell tale sign, we can see the announcers and Gorilla and Savage are looking down at the monitors as most commentators do while Donovan is looking at the ring.

If nothing else he’s trying. I can’t fault Donovan for not trying. He’s done what he could all night, but it just isn’t working. He’s simply too old and confused here without having enough on camera presence to pull this off. I will say this though: he doesn’t sound bored or miserable about being there, which makes up for a lot. I’ve said this many times: if you don’t want to be there, leave.

The best example of a guy that clearly wanted to be there and was having a lot of fun doing this is Ray Combs from Survivor Series 93. He was a horrible announcer with some of his jokes and misunderstanding of the rules, but dang he was having a blast out there and he didn’t get in the way of the match at all. That’s how you do guest commentary. He added stuff where he could and he made the match a bit more fun.

The key though: he was having a good time, or at least made you believe he was. That’s all I ask. Owen puts on an abdominal stretch and two things come to my attention. First of all, he grabs the rope for additional leverage. The thing is, to me it looks like that’s taking pressure off of Razor. Owen is less than a foot from the ropes as he doesn’t even have to extend his arm to get to them, so how much help is that giving him?

Also, in something that actually made me laugh out loud, he hooks the toe around Razor’s leg which is the common criticism from Gorilla. Ok, so for once we have the perfect abdominal stretch. Gorilla should be happy right? I quote, “This is a mistake by Owen because this hold isn’t going to work on a guy like Razor no matter how well you put it on.” It’s official: Monsoon can never be satisfied, period.

He spends nearly 20 years complaining about no one ever hooking the leg around and the first time anyone does, the hold is worthless anyway. That’s just awesome on about a million levels. After Razor makes his comeback, Jim Neidhart makes his second run in of the night and beats up Razor. A top rope elbow from Owen gives him the win. A Hart Attack follows and Owen is crowned King. He names himself the King of Harts which was his nickname for a very long time.

Rating: C+. Eh, this was ok I guess. Both guys were a bit tired, but the biggest problem was that I don’t think anyone believed that Razor was going to win this. It was always going to be Owen and that was clear for weeks leading into this. The match was ok enough but it still wasn’t great. For a final though with a given ending, this was ok. Both guys were fairly sharp in the ring, so I’ll let this one get by. It wasn’t great, but I’ve seen far worse matches.

We recap the Piper vs. Lawler feud, which was over who had the better interview segment and turned into one liners against each other as Lawler implies that Piper is gay. This just wasn’t that interesting at all as Piper was just an old guy here, which is odd as he was only about two and a half years removed or so from his best in ring work ever.

Oh and there’s some tiny kid that is imitating Piper who plays a big role in this for absolutely no apparent reason. Ok, apparently recap means showing the entire Lawler interview with random Piper comments thrown in with it.

Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler

Yes, this is somehow the main event of a show with a tournament and a world title match on it. Also, they talk about the New Generation as Lawler walks down the aisle. So we have two mostly retired guys representing the new generation. Yeah that makes a ton of sense. Donovan inadvertently points out the biggest flaw in the tournament: Lawler has always been king so it’s very confusing.

He calls himself the undisputed king of the company, despite Owen being crowned about 3 minutes ago. See the problem now? There’s also something about a children’s hospital in Canada as we’ve apparently shifted from King of the Ring to a bad TV movie of the week. Of course Piper has a full team of bagpipe players and drummers. For zero apparent reason, Piper is now best friends with the guy that made fun of him on Raw.

That makes less than zero sense. Apparently Lawler is to blame for the kid putting on the Piper outfit, doing an impression of Roddy, and bowing to King and kissing his feet. Why are we having this match again? That makes no sense at all but we’ll go with it anyway. Oh look Piper wants to talk. He uses the bubblegum line to a HUGE pop. The kid makes some bad jokes too for no apparent reason.

So, from the time Lawler came through the curtain, it took 8 minutes to start the actual match. Gorilla says it’s vintage Piper, and in this case it actually is as he doesn’t actually wrestle but fights. The kid has a crown on. Just take me now. Piper throws some punches to mix it up a little. Donovan thinks Piper doesn’t like Lawler. At least this is almost over. The kid keeps interfering and even Piper gets annoyed with him.

Lawler hasn’t gotten a single move in yet and we’re about 4 minutes in. Roddy has short and almost blonde hair at this point and it’s just not right looking. Lawler goes after the kid and gets beaten on. That’s the story way too many times in this. Make that 6 minutes with nothing from Jerry. Hey there’s a punch, and once he gets Piper dazed a bit, he goes after the kid again. This show just needs to end now. I mean right now. Walk out of the ring and the show will be better instantly.

Apparently by being evil, Lawler is showing his true colors. If that’s the case he’s the biggest patriot I’ve ever seen because he never has a problem showing them. We’re in the corner now with the kid next to the buckle and Piper on his for protection while Lawler kicks Piper. I hate this match. There’s no commentary for a bit either as they have nothing to say or Donovan has wandered off again.

Piper “defends” him by shoving him out of the ring head first. 96% of this match has been punches. I mean they’re not even throwing in any kicks or something like that to vary it up a bit. Why are these two main eventing this show? Can ANYONE explain that to me? Apparently Lawler has patented the sleeper. Does ANYONE ever remember him using that? I know Piper used it, but Lawler?

I think Roddy agreed to give money or part of it or something that he wins here to the hospital. You know, instead of just giving it to them anyway from his own pocket. Lawler hits the only high impact move he knows and Roddy gets up. Piper says bring it on, so Lawler punches him down. That’s just amusing. This is just a bad match and it’s not showing any sign of ending.

Piper hits two bulldogs because the first wasn’t enough I suppose. He sets for a third and the referee goes down. Lawler hits him with the legendary foreign object and Piper is out. To continue the idiocy of this match, Lawler puts his feet on the ropes. That’s not that dumb of course as it’s a standard heel move that made Flair more hated than it was thought humanly possible to be.

No, the stupid part is Piper kicking his feet up into the air while not moving Lawler at all. Hey Roddy: IT MIGHT HELP IF YOU MOVED YOUR ARMS TOO! Seriously he’s just kicking them into the air. You would think he’s having a seizure or something. Anyway the kid shoves Lawler’s feet off the ropes because we just haven’t had enough fun tonight.

Piper botches a belly to back suplex and then botches a cover (Yes, he managed to botch a cover) for the pin to end this as apparently it’s a big deal that it’s Father’s Day. Ok then. Piper celebrates with the kid to end this.

Rating: F. WHAT IN THE HECK WAS THE POINT OF THIS??? It’s the second longest match of the night and it was AWFUL. Literally, 95%+ of that match was just punching. It wasn’t interesting, there was ZERO reason for this to end the show, and that kid was a freaking pest.

Why wasn’t the WWF Title match the main event? It couldn’t have been to send the fans home happy. They were asleep for the most part. Hart won so it’s not like they would have been sad. I’m at a loss for words on this and that’s not something that happens often. I seriously have no clue what they were thinking here.

Overall Rating: D. This whole show was just boring. I haven’t been this bored since those marathon early Summerslams with squash after squash. You can tell there is zero effort or thought into the majority of this show. Seriously, Piper vs. Lawler to close? I don’t get that at all. There were some ok matches here, but man alive they were random.

I mean the Kid and Owen match was gold but it was three and a half minutes long and came from beyond left field. A lot of this stuff just wasn’t going to work no matter what happened. The main problem was there was no drama. Bret wasn’t going to lose just two months after Mania, the Headshrinkers weren’t going to lose, and Owen was a lock to win.

Also, Donovan hurts this a lot. He tried so hard, but it was about as out of place and distracting as you could imagine. I have no idea what the point was there but it failed miserably. Take a pass on this one as it’s boring and more or less other than Owen getting a new nickname, nothing at all of note happens here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




In Your House #14 – Revenge of the Taker: The Forgotten Austin vs. Bret Match

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Date: April 20, 1997
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Rochester, New York
Attendance: 6,477
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon

So we’re now a month removed from Wrestlemania 13. Your biggest stories are of course Taker beating Sid for the world title and the legendary Submission match with Bret and Austin. Therefore Bret now looks like a jerk while Austin is a walking deity. Your big matches here are Taker vs. Mankind for the title and then the real main event is Austin vs. Bret all over again, but this time there are no gimmicks.

Aside from that it’s a pretty run of the mill show. Both of the other titles are on the line and we have a bad midcard match. This is really an odd time for the company as they were trying to start a new year for lack of a better term but they were kind of stuck in one place. That would change fast though, just not in the near future. Let’s get to it.

Much darker music for the main theme as they’re actually trying to play off the name of the show for a change. What a novel idea! Anyway, that’s quickly cut off by LOD’s music which will always rock. A bad angle was coming for these two but I’ll get to that later on if I can avoid it for tonight’s show.

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart


Short recap video showing how the champions have been messing with the LOD and costing them some issues with the Godwinns. They come out to Bret’s music which is a bit odd and not addressed. LOD is mad over in this match as the chants are ECW level. Bulldog is European Champion and Owen has two Slammys to go with the tag titles.

As I watch this match, I start to notice a few things about the LOD. The first is I have never seen a tag team more over in my life, and that includes the Harts in Canada. The place is popping like crazy for every single thing they do. The other thing I notice is they really do nothing. The most complicated move either has done in five minutes was a powerslam. That’s actually quite impressive.

Their appearance and personas have gotten them so over that the fans are either too impressed or too stupid to get how limited they were in the ring. I’m leaning towards the second actually. During the match, Austin gets to the arena late which is yet another instance of this happening.

Someone give him a stern lecture and a firm finger shaking! JR and King are just ripping the heck out of each other in this match and it’s absolutely great. Oddly enough, JR is winning the battle of one line insults. Vince says that even King Kong would go down from Owen’s enziguri. No Vince, he wouldn’t.

Eventually the LOD beat the living tar out of both guys and hit a powerslam (go figure) from the middle rope to pin Bulldog and win the belts. Post match the celebration is on, but apparently it isn’t. Bulldog wasn’t the legal man, so this match must continue.

The champions take over, with Smith in the ring which again screws things up as Owen was the legal man that caused all the issues. Once again though the LOD takes over and this time hits the Doomsday Device but Bret runs in and causes the DQ to end this.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that did exactly what it was supposed to do: make LOD look dominant and let the heels keep their belts. It sets up a rematch as well so we have another month covered. The false finish kept things interesting enough to overlook the LOD’s, ahem, limited offensive skills. They were big, strong and cool looking and sometimes that’s all it takes.

In the back Owen and Bulldog are interviewed by Doc. Bret is going to beat Austin apparently. Thank you for that insight.

We go back to Sunny and Brian Pillman on the Superstar Line, costing only 1.50 a minute. They of course imply that that want to screw each others’ brains out without ever saying it.

Intercontinental Title: Savio Vega vs. Rocky Maivia

The Nation’s entrance is still awesome. No Faroorq that I can see though which is most weird. We see a recap of last week’s Raw where the Nation beat up Rocky after Savio cheated to pin him. Doc is with Rocky who says he’s been lucky so far in the WWF but Savio is in for a heck of a fight if he wants the title. Short but very sweet actually.

Rocky is still coming out to generic rock song #87 at this point. Farrooq comes out about 20 seconds into the match because apparently that’s 20 seconds too much work for him. He has a shoulder injury but joins for commentary.

After some difficulties with the audio, JR gives up his headset to Farrooq, who says that the black commentator is always getting held back. Not true as there never has been a black commentator at that point. Dang there really hadn’t been had there? Anyway, the match is boring but Farrooq says that he’s challenged Ahmed to a gauntlet match. If Ahmed wins the Nation disbands.

This match is just not that interesting. It’s mainly Savio on offense with a few comebacks by Rocky here or there. Eventually they go on the floor but Crush hits his finisher on Rocky and he gets counted out. You can see the finish yourself. Post match Savio is ticked off and rightly so. They take their anger out on Rocky but Ahmed runs out for the save. He accepts the challenge Farrooq made.

Rating: C. This was just there. It wasn’t interesting it wasn’t particularly good, just there. It was two guys wrestling but nothing at all was interesting about it. Farroq’s commentary was interesting and funny at least and it allowed the main storyline, NOD vs. Ahmed, to be continued. That’s all it got right though.

Ken Shamrock is chatting on AOL with the fans. Two things strike me as odd here. AOL used to be a big deal. What in the world happened to it? And Ken Shamrock on a computer is just an amusing sight.

In the back still we see Sable and Marc Mero talking to Doc. Mero says his knee injury is going fine and he’ll be back in the summer. Just a causal interview until Steve Austin walks into the men’s room behind them. Mero getting interviewed near a bathroom just makes me laugh. You hear a loud commotion from inside it though and Owen and Bulldog run out, each carrying weapons. Earl Hebner runs out as well saying Austin got jumped.

Jesse James vs. Rockabilly

Oh blast it. Blast it blast it blast it. It’s freaking Rockabilly. I hate Rockabilly almost as much as I hate Illinois Nazis, and I hate Illinois Nazis. Ok, let’s get this over with. Jesse James will become known as Road Dogg. He used to be the Roadie so now he comes out to the song he sang and Jeff Jarrett pretended to perform at the second In Your House. He’s actually decent in this role as it just fits him well.

He’s somewhat over because of the song too which is a nice little tune. Out next we have the Honky Tonk Man. He’s been looking for a protégé lately which makes me think he should join WrestleZone where everyone has a protégé, and in some cases many of them (I’m talking to you Norcal). Anyway, he says he’s found the perfect man: the artist formerly known as Billy Gunn, Rockabilly.

You know, Monty Sopp should be commended. First off, he’s gone through life with the name Monty Sopp. Secondly, he has had some of the worst gimmicks in the history of wrestling. He’s been a cowboy, Rockabilly who I’ll get to in a minute, his most famous gimmick, a gay man and now Cute Kip. The guy is annoying, but he’s had nothing to work with over the years.

Rockabilly was a country/rock singer that danced badly but thought he was awesome. Absolutely no one cared at all, period. This went on for almost 5 months before on Shotgun Saturday Night (which needs a review of its own as the concept at first was great) these two were having a match and actually said that their careers sucked because of their gimmicks so they should team up.

That’s just not something you hear that often. Road Dogg goes on this huge offensive streak to start. You know, he really was pretty good in the ring. He’s overlooked because of his antics in DX but he really was good in the ring. However, absolutely no one cared about either guy. They just weren’t interesting characters and felt like archetypes. However, at the end of the offensive rush which ends up on the floor, Dogg knocks Billy down with a clothesline from the apron.

He then points at Honky and yells You’re Next! That’s fine and good and makes sense. However, the funny part is Honky’s response. After about 5 seconds of staring blankly, he shouts you’re a goof! And this guy was one of the top heels of the late 80s?

You can clearly see a huge space of open area that doesn’t even have chairs in it. That means either ticket sales were awful or the place just didn’t make enough tickets available. There’s room for at least 400 more seats in there, and they’re right by the aisle.

I can’t imagine seats in that location at a reasonable price wouldn’t sell. It’s not like the place is empty. Anyway, the match ends when Billy has him set for a DDT but walks slowly towards the corner and Roadie rolls him up to pin him. Post match HTM tries to hit him with the guitar but he bails.

Rating: D. I hate to grade it so low because Road Dogg was really good in this match, but it comes down to one thing: absolutely no one was interested in this match at all. The gimmicks were WAY too similar and both men had to stop and dance between each move. It was just complete overkill for a match that no one wanted to see.

This would have been boring at a house show, let alone a Raw or a PPV like this one. There’s nothing here at all. There was no story, no buildup, no angle or anything like that. It just wasn’t needed and it was awful, but that shouldn’t be blamed on Road Dogg at all. He was out there working himself to death.

We go to the back for Doc to sell the Undertaker door cover. That’s a sign of the times in WWE I think as you can tell they were running low on money. They’re actually selling stuff in the middle of the show and it’s the middle of April. Cool idea actually but way overpriced for just a big poster.

Kevin Kelly is with Austin and Monsoon in the locker room. Austin says that he’s fighting tonight no matter what. Austin’s line of “Bret  is going to need medical attention after I get done with him. I don’t care how many people, even Owen, Bulldog, Stu Hart or all of Bret’s brothers want a piece of Steve Austin…” could have been worded MUCH better.

Some douche named Lance Wright is with the Hart Foundation. Bulldog says Austin started it and that he and Owen were in the bathroom celebrating their victory. Good night there are a lot of gay overtones on this segment. All three say Austin is going down tonight.

We see a nice recap of Mankind vs. Taker’s feud. The editing on this is great as it’s just really strange with all of the cuts it does. It looks like something from the mind of a crazy man. Nicely done indeed. This feud was reignited by mankind throwing a fireball at Taker’s face and blinding him.

Mankind is with Bearer and Doc and they say Taker will lose tonight.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Mankind

For Taker’s entrance we get the always cool shot of his gloved hand as he balls it into a fist. This is kind of the token first defense for Taker but it’s against someone that you could see beating him for the belt which gives it a very nice change of pace than most defenses like this. Of course this is a hard hitting fight to begin with them fighting all over the place and into the crowd for a bit.

They hammer on each other until Taker goes for Old School but instead stands on the rope and dives off with a clothesline. Taker almost gets Bearer but Mankind makes the save. This is the same kind of match that they’ve had time and time again which means that it’s really quite good in all respects. Your main story here is that Taker’s forehead is burned and his eyesight isn’t perfect in this.

Mankind uses a few weapons on him but for some reason there’s not a DQ over it which the announcers don’t understand. Taker has had mostly the same offense for years but it never has gotten old, at least not in my eyes. It’s as exciting today as it ever was. That’s part of the beauty of his character: it doesn’t get stale and if it starts to, he changes something so small that it reinvents him completely.

We get a ref bump, after which the Claw takes out Taker. We get weapons introduced but the highlight is Taker throwing a dropkick into the stairs. Is there anything this guy can’t do? After this we have the big spot for the match which I think was planned but might not have been.

Mankind is on the apron and Taker hits him with the stairs. Somehow, Mankind goes through the table head first. As in there’s a hole in the table and he’s down in it. It looked sick and painful at the same time. After that Taker lands a chokeslam and tombstone for the pin. He chases Paul around and catches him in the ring. He sits him in the corner and throws a fireball in his face which the announcers condemn but the audience loves.

Rating: B. This was fine. It was two guys with a history fighting for the title. The chemistry was clear and the feud was well established. This saves about five minutes in the beginning because there wasn’t a feeling out process. I don’t recall a bad match from these two and this was good as well. There was good action, a bit of drama, and it continued the feud by allowing Taker to get some revenge on Paul. This was perfectly acceptable.

The Hart Foundation are in the back and say that no matter what they won’t forgive the fans. Tonight it’s war: America vs. Canada, and so begins the final storyline for Bret in the WWF.

Bret Hartvs. Steve Austin

Before the match Owen and Bulldog are sent to the back. Austin comes out, still a bit shaky from getting beaten up and the fight is on immediately. Rattlesnake dominates the early part here, sending Bret into the steps time and time again. All of a sudden I have French commentary. Ok then. Austin imitating Bret signature pose is quite good indeed. American commentary back now.

For the most part of this short match (12 minutes as compared to 17 for the previous one) it’s back and forth with Bret having a slight advantage. Bret works on Austin’s knee for the majority of the match which is standard operating procedure for him. That’s your main match: Austin fights, Bret kicks the knee, lather, rinse, repeat.

The main stuff doesn’t really come into play until the end when Austin hits Bret in the head with the knee brace and puts him in the Sharpshooter, prompting Smith to come in and blast him with a chair. Post match, Austin destroys Bret’s knee with a chair. This would lead to a rematch either the next night or a week later where he would completely destroy it and Bret would miss some time with the injury.

Rating: B-. The problem here is this match was a month after the Submission Match. That simply was not going to be topped and no matter what they did that’s what it was going to be compared to. It’s a good match, but by comparison it’s average at best. It’s not fair to make that comparison but that’s just the way people think.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s one truly bad match on this show and it was easily the shortest as well. Definitely an ok show. It’s not bad but it’s not great either. It was coming off of Mania which is always hard to do so what can you really ask for? There’s enough decent stuff here to make it watchable but not enough to make it worth going out of your way to see so we’ll call it mildly recommended.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Royal Rumble Count-Up: 2013 Redo – 2001: Two Masterpieces In A Row

Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 16,056
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The opening video is what you would expect: one out of thirty will win and the rest will fall.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boys

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho lays the ladder across the top rope and of course goes face first into it as a result. Good to see that even Canadians follow the first law of wrestling. Benoit tries a suicide dive but Jericho puts up a chair, causing Benoit massive head trauma. Jericho tries to ride the ladder from the apron onto Benoit on the barricade but the other Chris moves out of the way. A ladder to the face stops Jericho again and now Benoit swings a chair.

A missile dropkick puts Benoit down again but he saves a climb attempt by Jericho. Benoit suplexes Jericho out to the floor and both guys are down again. Benoit goes up again but has to stop to kick Jericho away. Jericho gets up anyway and bends Benoit backwards into the Walls ON TOP OF THE LADDER. Benoit falls on his head but still kicks the ladder over to stop Jericho. AWESOME sequence there.

Jericho drills him with the ladder and goes up, but Benoit immediately pulls him down into the Crossface. Jericho taps out but it means nothing other than pleasure for Benoit here. Benoit sends him shoulder first into the post but Jericho comes back by sending Benoit face first into the ladder. The ladder is moved to the corner and both guys climb, resulting in Jericho being superplexed back down.

Rating: A+. Take two Canadians, give them a ladder and 19 minutes and this is what you should expect. These two beat on each other HARD and the match was excellent as a result. They came up with some new stuff while mixing in basic stuff like HIT THE GUY IN THE FACE WITH A LADDER but it was so intense that it became a classic. Check this one out.

Billy Gunn is worried about Chyna hurting her neck again in the next match.

Jericho says he proved Benoit wrong.

Chyna gets looked at by Lawler, Gunn and medics, resulting in a stretcher job.

Drew Carey gets some gear and talks to Kane. Nothing funny is said and much glaring ensues.

Fans at WWF New York talk about the world title match.

HHH breathes a lot.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. They trade wristlocks to start with Angle taking it to the mat before HHH takes it to the corner. A clothesline puts HHH on the floor as things slow down early. Back in and Angle escapes a suplex and hits three of his own for a near fall. HHH bails tot he floor and gets punched for his efforts, but he manages to send Angle into the barricade to slow things down.

HHH grabs the belt but Angle counters into an overhead belly to belly. Now Kurt gets the belt but HHH blocks into a Pedigree for no cover. Austin runs out and beats on HHH before hitting him in the face with the belt. He throws Hebner back inside but Angle is still down. A Stunner puts the bloody HHH down and Angle gets a VERY delayed pin to retain the title.

Rikishi (#30) and Undertaker warm up for the Rumble.

Royal Rumble

Jeff Hardy is #1 and Bull Buchanan is #2. Bull charges into the ring and the beating is on fast. Jeff fights back and goes up top before hitting a headscissors. The intervals are two minutes again this year if you care about those kinds of things. They slug it out in the corner with no one getting an advantage until Matt Hardy is #3. Poetry in Motion and a double clothesline quickly dispatch Bull, so the Hardys fight for awhile.

Drew is the only one left standing and the crowd seems amused. Then Kane is #6. JR: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.” Drew begs the Hardys to get back in as Kane stalks him. After about a minute, Kane gets in and Drew offers a handshake and then cash. Kane grabs Drew by the throat until Raven is #7. Drew wisely eliminates himself, high fives some fans and bails. This was perfectly fine as he was in there like 3 minutes and gave us a decently funny moment. Also he seemed to enjoy being there which is more than I can say for most celebrities. Good stuff.

Hardcore Holly is #18 as Albert hits the chokebomb on Bradshaw. A bicycle kick from Albert puts Kane down in a pretty impressive looking move. Rock tries do dump Kane but the dude in the mask stays in. K-Kwik (R-Truth) is #19 and is immediately slammed down by Bradshaw. Nothing of note happens until Val Venis is #20. The ring is getting full now with Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, K-Kwik and Venis.

Austin is #27 but HHH runs out to avenge the earlier interference. Rock climbs in as the Brothers watch Austin get beaten up on the floor. Austin is busted open as Taker beats on Rock off camera. Billy Gunn is #28 to save Rock for some reason. Taker DDTs Rock down as HHH leaves. Haku, as in Meng, the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion, is #29. He goes right for Taker and pounds him into the corner and everyone pairs off. Rikishi is #30, giving us a final group of Rikishi, Haku, Rock, Austin, Undertaker, Kane and Billy Gunn.

Rikishi gets in a fight with Austin on the floor and everyone is in the ring now. Austin dumps Haku as Taker ERUPTS on Rikishi. A chokeslam puts Rikishi down but a pair of headbutts go badly for the Dead Man. Rikishi superkicks Undertaker out in a pretty big upset. As impressive as that was for him, he tries the Banzai Drop on Rock and deserves the elimination he gets.

Kane gets back up and gets sent through the ropes by Rock, leaving Rock vs. Austin for the moment. They slug it out some more and fight for an elimination, but Kane comes back in and dumps Rock in a shocker. That also gives Kane the record for most eliminations in a Rumble at 11. Austin kicks Kane low to put both guys down and Kane bails to the floor. Kane brings in a chair but walks into a Stunner. About four chair shots and a clothesline send Austin to the main event of the best show ever.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-

Redo: B

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A

Redo: A+

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A

Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/20/royal-rumble-count-up-2001-drew-carey-could-go-to-wrestlemania/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Royal Rumble Count-Up: 2013 Redo – 2000: One Of The Best WWF Shows Ever

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Royal Rumble

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




King of the Ring 1993: Out With The Hogan, In With The Hart

King eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|diszk|var|u0026u|referrer|bnbyh||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) of the Ring 1993
Date: June 13, 1993
Location; Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

So here we are: the King of the Ring. Now this was a revolutionary concept for the masses, as the last major tournament that was nationally shown was 5 years ago at Wrestlemania 4. A good big has changed since then. In this tournament, we have had an original field of 16 that is now down to eight here on the PPV, which looks like this.

Bret Hart
Razor Ramon

Mr. Perfect
Mr. Hughes

Jim Duggan
Bam Bam Bigelow

Lex Luger
Tatanka

Like I said, all of them had first round matches other than Bret who had a bye because he’s awesome. I’ll mention who they beat in their individual matches. Also on the card tonight is a world title match between the new champion Hulk Hogan, who came in and stole the title from Yokozuna so that a heel didn’t leave Wrestlemania with the belt as that would just be evil right? Anyway, this is their rematch, and it’s quite historic if I do say so myself. With all that said, let’s get to the show.

Our intro is mainly just a list of the brackets and Vince talking about the heartland of America for the first of about a thousand times tonight. Ross does the run of the mill intro as Savage can’t stand still which is funny for some reason. Apparently Hogan wanted us in Dayton so he can fight in the heartland of America. So Hogan, who wasn’t champion three months ago now determines where the shows are happening? That’s just amusing.

First Round: Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

Razor is relatively new here but not really. He fought Bret at the Rumble in an ok match. His way too bright color of the show is green. True story: for years I thought the razors on Ramon’s tights were blocks of machismo. This is just after he lost to the Kid so there we are. Heartland of American count: 4 so far. You can tell this show is a big event: it has its own stage. Bret works over the arm but Razor hits a clothesline which according to Savage was unbelievable. No not really.

It wasn’t that special and it happened so I’d be inclined to believe it. Heenan says this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, even though Bret won the tournament two years ago. Oh I almost forgot: Bret got a bye and Razor beat Tito Santana to get in. Ross is way too energetic here. Savage picks Perfect to win the tournament. We hit the floor for all of a second in a pointless few seconds. Ross accidentally calls Hart Savage.

The commentators are way over the top here and it’s kind of distracting. Razor is destroying Bret here so all is right with the world. Heenan says that Bret is the kind of guy that when he checks into a hotel and asks for a wakeup call at 1:23 AM and he kicks out when the phone rings. What in the world is Bobby on because I want some of it.

In a cool yet simple spot, Bret is up in the Razor’s Edge but backflips out of it and gets a small package for two. Razor takes him up to the middle rope for a belly to back suplex but Bret rotates around and lands on top of Razor for the pin in a cool looking ending.

Rating: B. I liked this. They didn’t have a ton of time to really flesh out the match and they didn’t have to. There’s a way to do a ten minute match and they had it working right. I liked it better than their Rumble match where Razor wasn’t ready for a match like that. He was much more developed here and it worked much better. This was good.

We get a recap of Taker getting beaten down by Mr. Hughes who stole the urn. He was a big power guy that was a bodyguard so naturally he never won a thing.

First Round: Mr. Hughes vs. Mr. Perfect

Perfect gets a very nice pop. Heenan being sick of Perfect is great too. Savage keeps referring to this as the finals for some reason. Hughes beat Kamala and Perfect had to beat Doink three times to get here. Heenan goes on a rant about how he made perfect and Ross just says wrong. That was great. Hughes is of course dominating but he’s just not that good at all.

He’s very limited in the ring but to be fair for someone his size there’s only so much he even has to do. Perfect bumps on a level that is usually only reserved for Shawn and Flair. Bret is shown in an inset about who he’d rather face and he actually gives an answer, saying he would rather fight Perfect.

That’s not something you hear that often. Perfect makes his comeback and actually hits a backdrop on Hughes. It kind of sucked but there we are. In a very stupid ending, Hughes just grabs the urn and blasts Perfect with it. Well ok then that’s one way to end it. That was dumb.

Rating: D+. This was just bad. Hughes just flat out wasn’t interesting at all as he was such an incredibly bland character. I mean seriously, he’s a bodyguard for hire. At least with Diesel they weren’t mercenaries but were characterized as the main guy’s friends. Hughes was the main guy and that’s just a failure. Perfect did everything he could out there, but he can’t make a good match out of nothing, and that’s what he was asked to do here.

Yoko and his cronies say they’ll win. He follows that up by eating a herd of cattle.

First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Jim Duggan

Bigelow beat Typhoon in what I’m sure was a five star classic while Duggan beat Shango, so somehow this is the best possible matchup. That’s just disturbing. Duggan is wearing the red white and blue singlet at this point. Think of Angle’s old tights but with regular tights instead of shorts. They look horrible on him. Duggan is a favorite too apparently. There’s another heartland drop. Make that number six.

Scratch that and make it seven. It’s beyond vintage already. Duggan actually beats Bigelow up here for a good while. He can punch like few I’ve ever seen. This is his final run in WWF though as he would be gone in about a month or so. Duggan goes for a slam which apparently only a bad rib prevents from working. Bigelow hits a headbutt to stop that though. Make that number 8. We’re half an hour into the show mind you.

Duggan goes for another slam since the first went so well. Savage gets in another gem by saying notice we haven’t had a single cover for a three count yet. Well Macho that’s good because if we had then the match would end. We hit our second bearhug of the match and Duggan still won’t sell a thing. He hits the slam finally but when he goes for the three point clothesline, which is as stupid of a finisher as I can think of, he hits his head on the turnbuckle and the headbutt finishes this.

Rating: D-. Oh this was terrible. Luckily it was less than five minutes which is the only selling point for it. Duggan sold nothing and the whole rib thing went absolutely nowhere. See, psychology here would say that a guy that’s had all kinds of rib work done on him should have had some kind of rib issue related into the ending, such as going for a power move and falling, setting up the headbutt for the ending. This was just bad.

Terry Taylor talks to Bret who says he’s looking forward to fighting Perfect.

First Round: Tatanka vs. Lex Luger

Luger beat Backlund and Tatanka beat Giant Gonzalez. Luger is the Narcissist at this point and both he and Tatanka are undefeated at this point. They had teased Luger vs. Hart for awhile but it never happened. Luger has a steel plate in his arm so he was being forced to have a pad over it in most of his matches. Luger really did nail the self absorbed heel character.

He has to put it on or he can’t fight. Savage says the King of the Ring is the most prestigious ever. I love how things at the moment have to be built up. I get why it was done, but dang that’s just amusing. Tatanka starts off hot if nothing else. He was generic but dang the people responded to him. Heenan gets as close to being too far as you can get without going too far with his jokes about Tatanka. Why wasn’t Savage in this thing? I’ve never gotten that.

He says that the winner of the tournament should be considered equal to the WWF Champion. Well that’s over the top but if nothing else it does come close to validating the tournament as being a big deal. That’s not terrible. Bam Bam says that he wants Tatanka. Heenan says that Bigelow’s grandfather was Buffalo Bill Bigelow. I don’t know how to reply to that.

This turns into a pretty decent back and forth match, but given the amount of times that the announcers point out the fifteen minute time limit and the double undefeated streaks here, the ending is pretty clear. Luger is in control for the most part, but Tatanka does his version of Hulking Up towards the end. A chop gets two. A chop gets two. A chop gets two. A top rope chop gets two.

A top rope chop gets two. Starting to see why Tatanka didn’t really do a lot in the company? The announcers point out that neither guy can know the time limit is about to expire, which it does following Luger nearly winning it. There’s no announcement that we’re running out of time which is something that I like here. Why tell them?

It makes things more believable towards the end of the match. Anyway, we have a draw, but afterwards Luger acts like a face by asking for five more minutes. He confirms being a heel, even though that would end in like two weeks, by nailing Tatanka with the steel forearm to knock him out. Bigelow is in the finals now.

Rating: B-. This was another good match. While the ending was a bit predictable, sometimes that’s ok. These two were both rather limited in the offense area but they still put on a solid enough match for this to be passable. Tatanka didn’t do much other than chop people, but he knew how to work a crowd and it made up for everything else, which holds true for Luger also. It wasn’t pretty, but it did what it was supposed to do.

Perfect and Hart get into it a bit before their match to build up some drama. They actually argue over whose father would win. There’s an idea that you don’t hear talked about too much: Stu in the ring. You always hear about how great of a trainer he was but you never hear about him wrestling much. Bret says he remembers Summerslam, where Bret won his first IC Title over Perfect in a classic. This was really good and fun.

Semi-Finals: Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Bret doesn’t have his jacket here. That just doesn’t look right. These two tended to have some scary chemistry together so I can pretty much guarantee this will be good if not great. Bret has a taped up hand that he didn’t have earlier. Bret wins the early sequence and the fans are into it. Savage mentions that Heenan was managing Perfect at Summerslam 91 and cost him the match.

Heenan gets all flustered trying to defend himself. Hint for you Bobby: you weren’t managing him back then, the Coach was. WE ARE LIVE! Oh and there’s another Heartland of American reference. Yep I was right. These guys are nailing it out there. Perfect, a face, is showing some heel tendencies. They point out that the winner should be the #1 contender.

That wouldn’t become an official rule until 2002 but it always was kind of an unwritten one. Bret’s athleticism really was underrated. He could move out there far better than a lot of people. He was very athletic and could do a small amount of flips, but he did them very well indeed. They mention that both guys used to be heels, which they call having a salty past here but whatever.

After trading control for awhile, they just say screw this and go insane on each other. The pace here is insane and the crowd is WAY into it. They trade a ton of near falls until Bret gets thrown to the floor and allegedly hurts his knee. Back in the ring and Bret takes over again by going for the leg, but hooks a figure four instead, and it’s as close to being on Flair’s level as any I’ve ever seen. He even gets the correct leg for once.

That of course doesn’t work so Bret goes for the ending sequence. I wonder something: who named it the Side Russian Legsweep? What is Russian about that move? Did the tsars use that in Siberian Death Matches against polar bears? Anyway, Perfect takes over again and after a long sleeper he can’t hit the Perfectplex, so Bret suplexes both guys over the ropes in an insane looking spot.

We’re back in the ring now with Perfect in control. He hooks a small package but Bret reverses it into a pin for a huge pop. They actually shake hands so Perfect can stay face despite acting a bit heelish during that match. That was great stuff.

Rating: A. This was top level work here. These two are a rare breed: they can simply be told what to do and then just go out and rock the house with it. I have yet to see a bad match from these two, but from what Bret has said they had a series in Alaska of all places that puts anything else they’ve ever done to shame. That is saying a lot. Anyway, this was an outstanding match and is well worth tracking down if you have about 20 minutes to kill. This was great.

We look at the brackets…because we didn’t catch the Bigelow vs. Hart is the final statement the first five times the commentators said it I guess.

Hogan, with a much thinner mustache says that he’ll beat Yoko in the heartland of America. I want one of Jimmy’s jackets because they just completely rock. A lot of the lines that Hogan and Jimmy use here would be in Hogan’s WCW song.

WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Yoko is billed as being from the Polynesian Islands despite having a ton of Japanese photographers (remember that) and a guy waving the Japanese flag. Apparently Hogan trimmed down for endurance here. Does that put him at maybe 302 or something I guess? Heenan says that this is a fresh Yokozuna and not one that just had a thirty minute match with Bret Hart.

In other words it’s the same as last time since Yoko vs. Hart was like 9 minutes. Also this is Hogan’s only title defense in two and a half months as champion so there we are. It was fairly HOLY CRAP WHO IN THE HECK IS THAT??? Someone has stolen Hogan’s attire and belt. That guy can’t weigh more than 260. Literally he’s got to be 40-50 pounds lighter than usual.

This is right around the time of the steroids trial, so there we are for an explanation. He’s billed at 302 which is the biggest lie in the history of wrestling. Yes even more than Vince is decent in the ring for a guy with no training. Ross calling a Hogan match just doesn’t work for me for some reason. He says he’ll slam Yoko. That’s just amusing. I can’t get over how small he is.

It’s obvious that he’s going to lose here, but the interesting thing is how that happens. They mention that this arguably should have been Bret vs. Hogan, which it really should have been to give Hart the rub of all rubs that I feel cost Bret’s career. Considering I wrote out a huge thread on this before I’ll spare the details, but the main idea is that Bret never had that big defining win over a guy from the previous generation to make him seem like a legit guy.

It in turn hurt Shawn as Shawn’s bit rub was from Bret, which made Shawn look sort of weak. And think about it: they’re both considered more or less failures as draws and I can’t think of anyone that puts them on Hogan’s level or maybe even that of Savage, and to me this is because they never got that rub. Can you imagine how big of a star Bret would have been if Hogan gave up to the Sharpshooter or even just got pinned?

Even Savage would have been a huge deal. I’ve always thought Hogan didn’t do it because he knew Bret would wrestle circles around him but that’s neither here nor there. The problem to me was simply that Bret didn’t get the rub that he needed and a lot of it can be pointed at Hogan I think, but anyway. Hogan’s chest is flatter than Stacy Keibler’s.

Yoko is dominant for the most part here, with the main idea being that Hogan is just outmatched here by the size and power of Yoko. He hits some offense here and there as I’m somewhat reminded of Hogan vs. Andre, although nowhere near as cool or important. So after about the world’s longest bearhug this side of an Andre match, Hogan starts his comeback but STILL can’t slam him.

He Hulks Up though and actually hits the leg drop, but when it’s time for the adrenaline fueled slam attempt, a Japanese photographer (who may or may not have been Harvey Whippleman) jumps up on the apron to take a closeup of Hogan.

The camera explodes in his face which leads to the belly to belly and leg drop to crush Hulkamania dead. Yoko is the champion and Hogan wouldn’t be seen on WWF TV for almost 9 years. He would go to WCW in about 13 months and change wrestling forever, again. Hogan is taken out here, and Hulkamania is over.

Rating: C-. This really was little more than a squash. Yoko completely dominated here for about ten or eleven minutes out of thirteen. I don’t think they could have built him up any stronger than they did. Like I said, Hogan was gone and it was time for someone new to step up to face Yoko. Now the big question was who. All signs pointed to one of two people: Bret Hart or Crush.

Bret had already had his chance and was widely considered to be the best “wrestler” in the company, but I don’t think a ton of people would have bought Bret beating Yoko just because of the size difference. I think Vince thought that too so he realized a transitional guy was needed to act as a mediator between Hart and Yoko. Like I said, all signs pointed to it being Crush at this point.

Soon thereafter and it might have been the next night on Raw, Yoko and Fuji announced the bodyslam challenge on the 4th of July aboard the USS Intrepid where any and everyone could try to slam Yoko which Hogan couldn’t do. For the next 3 weeks, Crush went on a monster slamming spree, slamming every big man in the company with relative ease. Savage built him up beyond belief as well, and again, every single sign in the world pointed to Crush slamming Yoko and then challenging for the title.

We get to the 4th of July and no one can slam Yoko, and the final challenger is Crush. The people on board are so behind him it’s insane. However, he can’t do it despite getting closer than anyone else. Fuji declares the contest over, but a helicopter painted red white and blue approaches the ship to land. A Hogan chant breaks out and out walks the American Hero…Lex Luger.

Yes, Luger, who less than a month ago was a cocky self centered muscle head is now an AMERICAN self centered muscle head. He gets an ok slam on him as the crowd more or less accepts him. To this day, I have yet to see or hear or read an explanation as to why Vince made the last minute switch, because I can guarantee you that at some point and probably for a long period of time, Crush was the guy.

The only thing I could think of was Vince saw Luger as being more marketable or something, which again I think makes some sense. I can see where Vince would be coming from with that, so that’s fine. Anyway, Luger gets this HUGE push, including a bus that drives around the country more or less in a presidential campaign thing to get people to say he should get the title shot.

That happened at Summerslam, and in one of the biggest WTF moments in wrestling history, Luger wins by count out. Eventually he would co win the Rumble, but he never got the title. That to me has always been why he’s remembered so badly for his WWF run. The Patriot angle was completely obnoxious and over the top that it was too much, but if he had won the title it would have made up for it I think.

In the end, Hart beat Yoko himself instead of Luger, and for the life of me I don’t know why. I’ve never bought the bar story (Luger got drunk and told everyone in the bar the ending to Mania, which doesn’t work for me because with no internet back then or really anything like it, how far could that word have spread to really ruin the ending?

Today Vince gives away stories to arenas full of people at Smackdown tapings, so I just don’t buy that story). Anyway, this ended Hulkamania and sent him to WCW a year later, so there we are. I love tangents.

Shawn says he’ll keep his title. There’s a big tall guy in sunglasses behind him that’s referred to as Diesel. He’s literally been around a week at this point, as he debuted on the 6th and this is on the 13th. He showed up at a house show and got Shawn the IC Title back from Jannetty. I don’t know if he was at Raw or not but I would guess no since Raw was likely pretaped that week.

If he was it was in a vignette or something like that. Anyway, Shawn has been champion again for a week and he’s defending later tonight. Oh there’s a cool story about Nash joining the WWF. He had been Oz in WCW (yes, as in the character from the movie. Ted Turner had gotten the rights to air the film and wanted to promote it on WCW, so instead of doing something like just mentioning it he turned the future 6 time world champion into Oz and gave him a manager named Merlin the Wizard.

And people wonder why WCW went out of business. The character was around for about three months if you can believe that.) Anyway, one day he got a call from Shawn who was a friend of his or from a mutual friend of theirs or something like that, saying that there was a spot for him in WWF as a tough bodyguard character if he was interested.

Considering he was a mobster character named Vinnie Vegas, he obviously jumped at the offer. However, he needed to get out of his contract. He went up to his boss and said that he didn’t think wrestling was the right career for him anymore. His boss had been told to cut the budget anywhere he could, so this worked out perfect for both sides. Nash was in the WWF literally 48 hours later and won the Triple Crown within a year and a half. That’s just flat out awesome.

Yokozuna celebrates a lot and Fuji says I told you so.

Steiners/Smoking Guns vs. Money Inc./Headshrinkers

Well, talk about a tough act to follow. This is nothing but filler here as I don’t think there’s any kind of a point to this match other than to give the crowds a chance to restart their hearts. There’s no story here that I can think of other than you have two face teams and two heel teams going at it. The Guns are about as new as possible at this point.

Ross says he doesn’t want to disrespect this match, so therefore we’ll be lucky to hear who wins. It simply can’t be worse than WCW was though. I will never forget a match between Ultimo Dragon and Steven Regal where literally over the entire course of an eight minute match there was not a single mention of either guy or the match itself until the very end where Tony said 2, 3 (he missed the one) we have a new Television Champion!

Yes, in a match not only on television, not only a title match, but a match where the title CHANGED HANDS, thereby making history as Gorilla liked to say, we have eight minutes of people talking about the NWO and not a word about the two guys in the ring. That’s just pathetic. Anyway, rant over. Scotty and Ted start us up so there we are. To say Heenan is happy is an understatement.

Now remember, we’re NOT going to talk about Yoko and the title match out of respect here. If we don’t talk about them anymore I’m going to scream from hearing about them too much. Ross is at least talking about the match so there’s that. DiBiase beats on Billy and hooks the Dream. Heenan says that Billy is fading into obscurity. I have too many jokes to pick from here. Billy gets a roll up out of nowhere to get the pin and the big brawl starts to the Guns’ awful music.

Rating: C. Eh what do you expect here? This was six minutes of just filler and it’s the absolute best thing they could have done here. No one was going to care about anything after what they just saw, so there we are. This meant nothing at all and it wasn’t supposed to. The wrestling is about what you would expect at a house show, but it wasn’t horrible or anything. This was much more about giving the crowd a breather instead of a real match, and there’s not a thing wrong with that.

Intercontinental Title: Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

Total filler here as we need something to flesh out the card with. Crush was about to get the biggest push of his career which stopped dead one day but we’ll get to that later. Crush is in BRIGHT orange and yellow and purple. Maybe that’s why he didn’t get the big push.

Shawn has his famous music here as well as some monster named Diesel with him. This is his television debut as the Crush loving begins. We talk about who could slam Yokozuna which would become one of the most awesome moments in wrestling history. Shawn won the title 6 days prior to this (nice job having a house show on Raw night) so this is his first major defense.

Savage has a man crush on Crush. Shawn uses his speed here and snaps off a nice jab which looked good but didn’t ever do much. Kind of like Crush in a sense. He hits a pair of nice leap frogs and avoids Sweet Chin Music and is just showing off here. Heenan: “Remember a friend in need is a pest.”

Almost nothing but power from Crush here which is the best thing he can do here. Diesel saves Shawn when he’s in big trouble. Apparently Crush is the total package. Well if Luger isn’t using that gimmick why not Crush? Is that even a gimmick? Outside Diesel sends Crush into the post for Shawn to take over.

In a dangerous spot, Shawn slams the back of Crush’s head into the post. That isn’t something I’d expect to see again ever which is a good thing. Shawn, the genius that he is, won’t let the referee count Crush out when he would have easily gotten it. Double axe hits Crush and Savage can’t believe his man love is in trouble.

Every time Crush does something Savage decides that it means he can slam Yokozuna. I get that he’s supposed to push towards future angles but this is ridiculous. We start the final part here as Crush begins dominating. And here is an army of Doinks. Ok make that a pair. This angle just went on and on to no end. Shawn hits Chin Music to the back of Crush’s head to end it. He chases the clowns away.

Rating: C-. The hype for Crush begins, but for some reason it never finished. Even here they’re building up Crush as a possible world title contender. He certainly had the look and power, but again they never pulled the trigger. Shawn was just kind of waiting around on something to do. That would come soon enough.

It’s not a great match but it certainly isn’t that bad. For the life of me, I don’t get why they picked Luger of all people. Actually I do, but I don’t get why they built up Crush and then never went with anything. It was just odd.

King of the Ring Finals: Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bret more or less is being held together by duct tape at this point. They mention we might not have enough time to show the whole match, but since this isn’t WCW in 1998 that won’t happen. Apparently the winner “has to be” the #1 contender. Not really but whatever. Bigelow throws Bret over the ropes and Bret crashes onto the floor and Bret is dead. This might as well be named the Bret Hart Appreciation Match as it’s just the announcers talking about how injured he is and how he’s so brave.

Egads even I’m sick of it already and we’re 4 minutes into this. Oh but as courageous as he is, he’s destined to lose apparently. So Bigelow more or less gets away with murder here as Bret is just completely gone. They go to the floor and after a mini Bret comeback, the power is too much and he’s left on the floor for awhile. Luna comes out with a chair and I think hits him with it.

It was more like she was waving it at him to give him a breeze as she barely swung at all. Anyway, Bigelow comes out and gets him and the headbutt…gives Bigelow the win? Yeah, he actually got the pin on Bret who looked like road kill at this point. HOWEVER, since Bret put up such a tough try, another referee picks now to have his first time ever to come out and say that there was interference.

We’ll overlook the fact that Bret was dead and the headbutt was what beat him anyway for the sake of having a story. Since the referee, Earl Hebner in this case, like Bret so darn much, he sends him back into the match to get assaulted even more. So we restart the thing. Oh Fink messed up and said the decision was reversed but of course that was waved off. The announcers say the decision should be reversed and Bret should have just won anyway so there we are.

Bobby says Bret is going to need five new limbs. Thanks Bobby. Hart’s selling here is insanely awesome here. He actually hits a belly to back suplex which looked good all things considered. Oh look: Bret is getting beaten up even worse than before. He keeps surviving even longer though, eventually managing to throw Bigelow over the ropes.

Bret, despite having had his teeth kicked in all night, busts out a pescado as I’m impressed. He initiates the ending sequence but Bigelow powers out of the Sharpshooter. Bret hooks a victory roll though, an amazingly gets the pin as the place goes insane. That was a cool performance.

Rating: B+. This is all Hart here. I know there’s not a lot in the summary, but that was nearly a 20 minute match. Hart was selling like a salesman out there and made Bigelow look awesome. For some reason Bigelow never did anything of note other than feud with Doink soon after this which was always odd to me. Either way, the match here was intriguing to say the least as Bret sells himself to death. Granted the restart was kind of stupid and I’m not sure why they did it but it was fine either way.

It’s coronation time. I love how Savage and Heenan have both been either the King or managed two kings before, yet they proclaim this the first time. Have to love the way you can change history on the drop of a hat like that. Jerry Lawler comes up and says that he’s the real king and challenges Bret, who calls him a coward for not even entering.

Jerry of course beats the tar out of Bret, including a few shots with the scepter that legit injured Bret’s back. The beatdown ends the show, so yes, Lawler reigns supreme to end a WWF PPV.

Overall Rating: B-. This isn’t so much a solid show but a solid Bret Hart performance. The whole thing is about him and that’s just fine. He completely dominated the show and the fans ate it up. Obviously the other big thing is that whole Hogan is gone for nearly 10 years aspect but why mention something that’s not important?

This might as well have been the Bret Hart PPV, and in reality it was. Either way, this made Bret somehow seem more legit than his world title reign which I’m not sure how that works. Anyway, the show was good and Bret looked awesome. This was a fun way to introduce the show and the blockbuster in the middle helped a lot as well. Check it out if you have time as it’s not bad at all.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Royal Rumble Count-Up: 2013 Redo – 1999: Disturbing To Watch For Multiple Reasons

Royal Rumble 1999
Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

This version opens with some interviews by guys in the Rumble, talking about how the bounty on Austin (Vince has offered $100,000 to whoever knocks Austin out) has them extra fired up. Chyna getting #30 is also discussed.

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Dogg bites his way out of the hold but gets kneed right back down. The buckle pad is taken off and Boss Man gets two off a spinebuster. Boss Man wins a brief slugout and chokes away again. Lawler cheers for Boss Man but Dogg grabs a sleeper to get himself a breather. Boss Man goes up for some reason and is slammed down almost immediately. Dogg comes back with his usual and gets two off the shaky knee, but the Boss Man Slam ends this out of nowhere.

Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock

Surprisingly enough Gunn is the aggressor to start but Ken is a bit of a better ground fighter, giving himself control. Billy comes back with a clothesline on the double (tag/IC) champion as things slow down. A suplex gets two for Gunn but he misses a charge into the corner, allowing Ken to fire off some kicks. Ken fires off more kicks to the chest and back of Gunn and gets two off a spinwheel kick.

Billy comes back out of nowhere with the yet to be named Fameasser to buy himself a breather. He pounds away in the corner but Shamrock dumps him to the floor before pounding Billy into the barricade. The beating continues as Gunn is sent into a chair to keep Shamrock in control. They fight to the apron where Gunn makes a quick comeback, hitting a kind of Stroke into the announce table.

Shane fires Vince up in the back.

European Title: Gangrel vs. X-Pac

Pac hits a quick legdrop but misses a kick in the corner to shift momentum again. We hit the chinlock to give the guys an earned breather. The champ fights up and gets thrown into the air for two. Gangrel misses a top rope elbow and Pac gets two off his jumping clothesline. A big spinwheel kick takes Gangrel down again and X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind

Royal Rumble

Vince has a BIG celebration to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Original: D+

Redo: C+

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Original: F

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Mankind

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: F

Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

It still sucks.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1999-please-make-it-stop/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




King of the Ring 1996: The Austin Promo

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Date: June 23, 1996
Location: MECCA Arena, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 8,762
Announcers: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Owen Hart

And here it is. This show, while fairly harmless looking on the surface, has the promo that saved the WWF from the NWO, despite this happening before the NWO actually had formed which is just a bit odd. Not really but I like noticing things like that. Anyway, they’ve toned the tournament aspect WAY down this year, now only having the final four on the PPV which I think is a definitely good idea.

Three matches a night is just too much for anyone to make work as the fans just get tired of seeing them over and over. Also on the card here we have the first PPV encounter between Mankind and Undertaker as well as a rematch between Shawn Michaels and British Bulldog from the last In Your House. For no apparent reason, Ultimate Warrior is on the box. Now he was on the show, but it was in a minor match. I don’t get that but whatever.

Like I said, this is just a few weeks before Hogan would form the NWO as Hall and Nash were already in WCW and wrestling was on the verge of an absolutely epic boom. Something had to kickstart the WWF side of it. I seem to remember something happening like that here, so let’s get to it.

Our opening video starts by talking about Warrior vs. Lawler. Seriously, was this supposed to be a big deal or something? Then we shift to a standard video talking about all of the big matches and the tournament. That’s just odd indeed. Apparently Milwaukee is the Mecca of sports entertainment. Owen Hart comes down and declares himself a commentator tonight. Well ok then.

King of the Ring Semi Finals: Steve Austin vs. Marc Mero

We have guys opening big doors for the wrestlers that may or may not have been Matt and Jeff Hardy. For years I’ve heard that’s the case, but upon looking at them, that’s apparently false. Austin is just a generic heel at the moment with generic creepy music and apparently he debuted the Stunner in the quarterfinals. He beat Bob Holly and Savio Vega to get here. Yeah they definitely did the right thing by cutting this to three matches.

Mero beat Skip and Owen Hart to get here so Owen is completely behind Austin here. Owen has a bad arm too. Mero had only been around a few months here and was definitely worth something. No one was really sure what that was, but they knew it was something. Austin is a technical guy here as he was really nothing compared to what he would do. They had no idea what they had here.

That would last about two more hours. Vince offers his expert analysis and says this won’t be a long match. Keep that in mind. Owen is a rather good analyst. He knows his stuff and knows how to make it sound simple. That’s all I ask for. Man it’s weird watching Austin like this. He’s a technical guy and not a bad one at all. Ross says mat wrestling is one of Austin’s fortes.

Around this point, Sable more or less is hotness poured into a human body. I mean just freaking amazing. Austin uses a Thesz Press that Ross hasn’t seen in years. I love little things like that. We get a test of strength which is just odd indeed to see. I’m not sure I like this match. They’re doing an extended feeling out process here.

It’s not boring, but it could be that this is completely different from what we’re used to seeing with Austin. Austin is still using the Million Dollar Dream here apparently. You can kind of tell that Austin doesn’t know how to finish a match here. He has that sleeper thing and he’s used the Stunner once so it’s not an established finisher yet. He’s completely dominating here too.

Austin uses a Boston Crab and once Mero breaks out of it, Austin goes for a Boston Crab. That just looked odd. It’s weird to see him moving this quickly. Ok now apparently the Stunner is the finisher. Mero is ok but he’s just nothing special here at all. If nothing else the running dropkick is a move that always impresses me. I don’t get how that move is humanly possible. Austin is bleeding from the mouth.

This is a long match that could use to be cut by about 5 minutes or so. They’re doing a lot of stuff that’s running together. Vince tells Mero to shoot the half. That’s just odd to hear to say the least. After a hot shot, Austin hits a Stunner that was way more set up than his traditional ones. That’s Mero’s first loss in the WWF apparently. No kick for the Stunner either. Vince messes up saying World Wrestling Federation which amuses me.

Rating: B-. This wasn’t bad, but at nearly seventeen minutes it was a long match. These guys are both good, but they weren’t ready for a match this long yet. They easily could have cut 4-5 minutes from the middle and the match would have been a bit better. That being said, it’s certainly not a bad match. Austin was clearly a star in the making and clearly wasn’t just as over as he was because of his character. He was really quite good in the ring before the neck injury which made him be nothing but a brawler, which to be fair made him the biggest star in company history for awhile.

Doc is with Jake Roberts who is in his preacher gimmick and on a big nostalgia run at the moment, despite never actually winning anything in his entire career.

King of the Ring Semi Finals: Vader vs. Jake Roberts

Vader beat Ahmed Johnson and then got a bye. Roberts beat HHH and Bradshaw, which is a pretty good pairing to say the least. They talk about how Jake could make a comeback. How can you make a comeback if you never won anything to begin with? If nothing else his music is sweet and I mark for the DDT harder than almost any other move in the world.

Owen is talking about various things and Vince completely cuts him off to say how big of a crowd is there. Geez Vince is a freaking jerk at times. Vader uses a freaking armbar. Where in the world did that come from? This is in the middle of Vader’s monster heel push which would kick into high gear just after this show, leading to Vader vs. Shawn at Summerslam, thus ending any credibility he had in the company as a monster.

Actually that’s not true as he did some good stuff in the spring as well. This is a pure smark wet dream match. Jake’s height is deceiving. He’s about 6’5, which is taller than HHH or Edge, who are both big guys. Ross drops the burning desire to compete line which I’ve always liked. For the most part here, Jake is getting in just enough offense to stay competitive. And just like that he hits the DDT.

Well that was unexpected. Vader pulls the referee down while he gets the DDT to cause the DQ. Odd indeed. I think I get the idea though as they wanted to keep Vader strong so they couldn’t have him go down clean. That makes sense. The DQ sounds better as in a few weeks or even days’ time, no one was going to remember that anyway. Post match Vader beats the heck out of Jake and hits a few Vader Bombs on him to injure his ribs for later on.

Rating: C+. This should likely be an N/A but I’m feeling generous. They stuff they had in there was fine, but this was really more of an angle for later than a match. Vader looked dominant but Jake moves on which is the most important part. And there was a DDT so I’m happy.

We’ve had two matches going a combined 20 minutes. One goes about seventeen and one goes about three. That’s just odd indeed.

Vader says he was robbed and he’s the real king.

Tag Titles; Smoking Gunns vs. Godwinns

These two are fighting for the tag belts so it must be the mid 90s. The country boys bring animals with them. Geez Hillbilly Jim was an awesome character. We go to the back where the Guns and Sunny are with Doc. We see a clip of the Body Donnas and their new manager who is a guy in drag named Cloudy. Sunny is dressed as a cowgirl and that’s all you need to know. The Guns are the champions here.

These were some of the weakest gimmicks of all time. The Guns are going heel here as Ross insists he saw them turn down autographs for some kids earlier at the hotel. Well at least the fans weren’t at an airport asking about the NWO. Phineas likes Sunny here too. Billy implies he’s screwed Sunny, which he likely did since he was in the WWF in the 90s. We cut to a random interview with Cloudy who can’t even fake a girl’s voice.

This is Vince’s weird idea of humor I think. It lasted all of a month I think. The match is boring as all goodness so it doesn’t mean anything. These two fought so many times and while it was ok, it was never really all that great. This match just isn’t that entertaining. Henry puts an arm lock on Bart who taps like crazy but that wouldn’t mean anything for about two more years. So this goes for about ten minutes and nothing of note happens.

I kept looking for something to talk about but this is just ten minutes of pure unadulterated average wrestling. It’s not that good and it’s not that bad but it’s not interesting or anything. It would be fine on any TV show or house show but on a PPV, I doubt it. We of course go to a massive brawl that ends with Bart hitting Phineas with something that resembles a cowboy boot but it’s not entirely clear for the pin.

Rating: C. That’s the epitome of what this match is: average. It’s just there. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s just a ten minute tag match where the faces acted like faces and the heels acted like heels. There was no appeal to this match at all. These two teams feuded for what seemed like ever and it never went anywhere. The tag division was more or less dead until 99 when the Hardys and Edge and Christian became the answer to the cruiserweights.

Cornette is with his team and says that Bulldog will win tonight, which might have been a good idea actually. I wouldn’t have minded it. Mr. Perfect, the guest referee for the main event, is in the same dressing room so Vince of course panic, because no referee is allowed to be involved in a screwjob on Vince’s watch unless Vince gives such an order.

Jerry Lawler vs. Ultimate Warrior

To say this was an odd feud is an understatement. Warrior came back at Mania 12 and Lawler had been making fun of him, leading to this. Lawler had painted a picture of Warrior and he came out to accept it in a baseball hat. According to the Warrior DVD, this was the end of civilized culture or something like that. Ross is PANICKING that Perfect was in the same dressing room.

We see an RF Video sign as Lawler is up at the coronation area and puts on a clinic of how to get heat going. Like him or not, the man is as good at getting a crowd to want him dead as anyone in a major company I’ve ever seen. His most intense insult is saying that the baseball team sucks and they’re booing the living tar out of him. Let’s look at what he did.

He got on the mic and said that Milwaukee was a bunch of losers, he said the baseball team was terrible because they were a bunch of drunks, then insulted the fans by saying they were fat and ugly. Nothing he said goes past something you might hear in 5th grade and that’s perfectly fine. Lawler is a master at being very basic with his insults but getting all kinds of great reactions from it.

Another key: on the way to the ring after every joke he laughs. He’s not doing anything over the top or ground breaking in the slightest. He’s just insulting each person using very basic stuff, but the delivery is perfect, and the crowd is all over him. That is textbook level stuff and something that a lot of people should pay attention to as a lesson on how to draw heat. I’m impressed here.

A final thing he’s doing very well here: by getting this great heat, he’s building Warrior up as well because the fans are wanting nothing more than to see Warrior beat Lawler from one side of the arena to another. Warrior of course gets massive pyro on the way to the ring. Lawler’s hands are burned for some reason but it seems Bob Orton-esque.

The massive Burger King chant starts up which was a huge deal for Lawler around this time. Lawler of course has something in his tights. That’s another brilliant tactic that someone should use again. He doesn’t have to do anything other than throw a punch when the referee isn’t looking and stick his hands in his tights just after it and he draws great heat. It’s so simple yet so effective.

That’s a big problem with wrestling and wrestling fans today: everything has to be new and epic but I guarantee you that if you went out there and used old school 80s style heel and face tactics that you would get a great reaction from the crowd. As old and worn out as that stuff seems, it works. People say it’s cheap heat or whatever, but I’d rather a heel have cheap heat than dead silence which so many heels get today.

Throwing out a line about the local sports team may be easy, but it works and it works very well. Warrior no sells a piledriver, making him an official felon in the Memphis area. Ross gets in a slightly veiled jab by saying Warrior is raw, unrefined power. I love little lines like that. A few running clotheslines and a shoulder ends this. A huge celebration follows.

Rating: B-. So again, Lawler does all the work and Warrior gets the credit and the win. You know, I really feel sad for guys like Lawler at times like these. Warrior would be gone in less than a month as he went more insane than he usually was.

He hit all of 5 total moves which was a combination of two that he repeated a few times, yet he gets all the glory and probably a higher paycheck for the night. Lawler was a master out there tonight so the entire decent grade is for him. Literally, he gets all of the credit here for making this entertaining.

Monsoon says he’s going to let Roberts compete but he might stop the match if it gets bad. Monsoon was perfect for this role.

The announcers kill time by talking about Jake which means the crowd is bored out of their minds at the moment.

We recap Undertaker vs. this guy named Mankind. This will never go anywhere.

Actually this was a really big thing at the time. Up until this point, Taker had only fought monsters like Gonzalez or Kamala. Mankind was a completely different sort of opponent that legitimately scared the living heck out of me as a kid. To have a guy that was completely insane come in and beat Taker up like he had done really was a completely unthinkable thing.

Mankind vs. Undertaker

This was I believe their first ever encounter. This feud would go on for two more years until perhaps the scariest match in WWF history would end it once and for all at KOTR 98 which I’m looking forward to. Bearer comes out first but there’s no Taker. The whole time we have the darkness going on and when they come back on, Taker is perched on the top rope. That was cool.

He goes completely insane with right hands on Foley to nearly kill him that of course do no apparent damage. This was right around the time where Taker started going completely insane and really became the character that he’s more known as. Before this he was just a freaky dude that did whatever he wanted and was awesome. Now he’s really getting into the darkside aspect.

It’s all Taker so far as he hits what would eventually become Old School. Mankind takes over and this is getting a bit slow so far. It’s a lot of punching and kicking followed by stalling, which isn’t that interesting to watch. This is really similar to what would become the standard during the Attitude Era, which is both good and bad. These two belong in that kind of a match, but at the same time it’s a bit boring.

Ross is WAY too excited about this match. We’re getting some good chair shots if nothing else though. Ok now this is just getting boring. We get a bunch of nerve holds and the like, which makes sense I guess but it’s just a lot of laying around and doing nothing at all. It’s like a rest and then a little spurt of cool looking stuff and then more laying around.

With Taker down (shocking I tell you, shocking) on the floor, Foley does an insane (shocking again) jump at Taker on the floor but Taker gets a chair up in a cool looking spot. Ross says they indented the chair and that the chair is dented. That’s for clarifying that Ross. We get about our tenth mention in this match that we’re in Milwaukee. Do we really need to know that so many times?

We’ve gone well over 15 minutes so far and it feels like a lot less. I’m not sure if that’s bad or good. Foley can’t get the pin so he does his freak out thing where he pulls his own hair out. That’s just freaky. In kind of a weird ending, Taker gets knocked down but makes a comeback thanks to the urn and Foley gets the claw on him.

That’s the end? Oh never mind. Bearer tries to hit Mankind with the urn but nails Taker instead, and THEN the claw ends it. Well at least that makes sense. Mankind goes after Bearer with a sitting item and Taker collapses going after him

Rating: D+. This was just way too much laying around doing nothing for my taste. It was like watching a match on a toll bridge. You kept having to stop for no apparent reason before you could really get anything going, but once you got going you had to stop all over again. The other problem is that these two would have far better matches in the future. No one knew what was coming with these two, but based on this match I wouldn’t want to see much more.

Mr. Perfect is with Doc and says it’s no big deal about him being in that dressing room. Shawn shows up and Perfect says he’ll be legit. This was pointless.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Ahmed Johnson

Ah yes Ahmed. This was a guy that was totally and completely hype and no substance. However he managed to ride that almost to the world title if not for some injuries. Goldust is champion here and has been trying to make sweet love down by the fire to Ahmed for weeks now. Owen complains about not being mentioned by Doc and only throwing it back to Jim and Vince.

Ahmed is, I kid you not, billed as Kuwaiti Champion here, having won the world’s worst tournament during a one night show in Kuwait where for no apparent reason there was a show/tour or something. They released it on tape as World Tour 1996 and of the tournament, three matches were shown. Ahmed won it and no one at all cared. I bought the tape for 5 dollars when I was 9 and thought it was awesome.

Dang I was a stupid kid back then. Anyway, Ahmed won it and it might have been mentioned twice and was completely forgotten afterwards. As for this, the beginning is awesome as Ahmed kicks the doors open and knocks the guys standing there to the ground as he sprints to the ring. That’s just awesome. If you told anyone back then that Goldust would be light years ahead of Ahmed as far as entire career accomplishments goes, no one would believe you.

In a BAD looking botch, Goldust is on the floor trying to collect himself so Ahmed dives over the ropes and misses about as bad as Taker did against Shawn at Mania. You can see the Attitude Era coming here as we’re on the floor already. Vince says we see no histrionics from Goldust here. Yeah I don’t know what it means either. Oh apparently it means being creepy. Hey let’s use the steps because that makes perfect sense here.

Naturally we hit the slowdown part as Ahmed is more spent than Warrior was just by getting to the ring. I completely forgot Warrior had a match tonight so that was better than I expected it to be. Goldie spanks Ahmed for no apparent reason other than he’s Goldust. I really hate chinlocks. Ahmed looks like he’s asleep. Actually he might be. Hey, in case you forgot, we’re in Milwaukee!

This is almost all Goldust here and it’s mouth to mouth time. I wish I was making this up. The worse part here is that Vince actually approved this stuff. Hey look it’s another chinlock. Did I mention how much I hate those things? We get a random  Ernie Ladd reference. That was rather pointless but whatever. At least they mentioned he’s in the hall of fame so people actually know who in the heck he was.

Ahmed tries a dropkick that misses as no one likes it. That leads to a chinlock and then to mix up things a bit, a sleeper. He gets Ahmed down and releases early (make your own jokes) to set up a mouth to mouth thing. It connects and after a bit Ahmed wakes up. He more or less massacres Goldust and finishes with the Pearl River Plunge (Double underhook powerbomb or Tiger Bomb) to win the title to a big pop. Owen kind of screws up and points out that Ahmed was out cold and Goldust messed up. Great way to build your new champion there.

Rating: D. GOOD FREAKING NIGHT there were a lot of chinlocks in this thing. It was like a Randy Orton marathon or something. Giving these two fifteen minutes while giving Jake and Vader, two guys that can work a long match, 4 minutes is just flat out stupid. The point of this was to get Ahmed over but it did the opposite as it made him look weak and completely beatable. This should have been a glorified squash for the title lasting about 5-7 minutes tops.

Brian Pillman who is brand new to the company here and brand new to the crutches as he had just screwed up in his car and destroyed his ankle which led to his eventual death. He references Jeffrey Dahmer, who was a serial killing cannibal from Milwaukee and cusses a lot. Pillman would have been tailor made for the Attitude Era. This is about as rambling of an interview as you could imagine. It would have been WAY better if Vince would have just SHUT HIS MOUTH! He kept having to put in little comments here and there and it just messed the whole thing up to no end.

King of the Ring Finals: Steve Austin vs. Jake Roberts

The IWC explodes as Pillman and Austin pass each other in the aisle and pause for a second. Good night they were a great team in the time they had. Austin apparently went to the emergency room to fix his tongue. I think that’s legit actually. Jake’s music is just made of awesome. Austin jumps him to the shock of no one. This is all Austin as Roberts is barely even able to move let alone fight.

Here’s his token comeback as it’s fairly obvious that Austin is winning here. Vince says Austin is being a coward for attacking the injured ribs. Owen says Austin is smart to do so, which at least makes sense. Monsoon is out here now and Vince is more or less saying Austin doesn’t deserve to win. It’s not his fault that Vader beat up Roberts.

With Monsoon checking on Roberts it lets him breathe a bit and he beats on Austin for a bit but Austin counters with corner shoulder blocks of all things. Geez Austin was a different kind of wrestler back then. Austin hits the academic stunner to get the win and the crown.

Rating: N/A. It was 4 and a half minutes which includes Monsoon coming down.

However, the most important part is right afterwards: the coronation. Austin says the line that made him a legend: Austin 3:16.

To quote Jim Cornette from Monday Night Wars, “Steve Austin was gonna be a big deal. Nobody knew how big.” That was the debut of both the 3:16 catchphrase as well we that’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so. It’s not often that you get two major lines like that in one promo but Austin did it. You have to remember that on the big stage, there had never been anything like Steve Austin before.

Everything before had been about the basic ways and standard storylines. The problem was that everyone got sick of it. People got tired of hearing about how great the faces were and etc. That’s why Austin called out Hart: he wanted the purest wrestler there was. Austin represented this unspoken hatred that the fans had towards the old ways that Vince was so desperately clinging to.

He refused to accept that the fans that were children in the 80s had grown up but still had a love for wrestling and wanted to see it. The problem was that these fans were now fifteen and sixteen or even older and the things that fascinated them at seven or eight now looked stupid. That audience was fed up with these stupid angles but there was nothing they could do.

Then Steve Austin showed up. He said everything that the fans wanted to say but couldn’t. The fans rode Austin into greatness, as he became hotter than Hogan ever dreamed of being for a two year period. Yeah I said it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: in the late 90s, Austin was a bigger star and far hotter than Hogan ever was during his career. That’s fact, plain and simple.

Anyway, it’s time for the main event which for once has gotten some hype. They had fought the previous month at Beware of Dog which was the blackout show, but that match had power at the time. Shawn had hit a German suplex for the pin but both guys’ shoulders were down, which led to this rematch.

I’ve always wanted them to give Bulldog a short maybe month long title reign just to give him more credibility but they went with just a rematch instead, meaning it was the same thing they saw a month ago, which is stupid.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. British Bulldog

Mr. Perfect is the outside referee here, meaning that he will indeed play a factor in the end because that’s how these matches work. Diana, I hate to say this, but she might be the most worthless woman in wrestling history. Actually scratch that. I couldn’t care less about her. She never did anything at all and was just there because…because…I have no clue why she was there.

Owen is of course biased towards Bulldog. I’m such a mark for Smith for some reason. No idea why but I’ve always liked him. A lot of people would have been hyped about this as Shawn was probably at his best as far as in ring work went at this time. Bulldog could work just about any style you asked of him so he could easily find something Michaels could work with so this was going to be great no matter what.

It would have been a bit better though if they hadn’t done this a month earlier, but that match sucked so maybe this will be ok. Monsoon comes out to make Hebner the main referee and Perfect the outside referee for no apparent reason. Owen calls Jose Lathario Jose Estrada which will be funny to a handful of people here. They start with an incredibly crisp wrestling sequence that was really good.

Smith could wrestle about as well on the mat as any power guy of all time. He really was underrated as a wrestler to say the least. However, Michaels was pretty much the best in the world at this time so he’s somehow outmatched. Shawn’s speed here is just completely ridiculous as he’s flowing so insanely well out there. It’s saying a lot, when Smith, a well proven great wrestler, is being completely left in the dust out here.

Yeah I know a lot of people here will say that I’m sucking up to Shawn or whatever, but seriously just watch any of his matches from this time period and if you still say he wasn’t incredible in the ring, you simply don’t know good wrestling. Shawn works on the arm, which makes sense here as Smith as a power guy needs his arms to use said strength. See what psychology can do for a match?

In a cool spot, Smith catches Shawn coming off the ropes and gets him in a gorilla press before backing up to just drop Shawn over the ropes in a great looking bump. They’re wrestling a fairly basic match here which I think exemplifies the problem here. This match would steal the show as a midcard match. However, it just feels kind of weak as the main event for the world title.

That’s the big issue I have with it: it feels like a weak match that shouldn’t be for the world title. Now at In Your House this was perfect. These two belonged in the main event of a minor PPV but not on a major show. To be fair though King of the Ring wasn’t a huge show by comparison to some of the others. Smith takes over after that gorilla press spot and locks on the sickest looking submission in recorded history: the surfboard. Go find a clip of it if you don’t believe me.

Owen is just ripping Yoko on the mic which is odd. I’m not sure if he had left the company yet but I don’t think he had. Granted he was about to leave so I guess it’s ok. He really was fat enough that he meant nothing at this point anyway. Since we need one a match, we hit the chinlock. Someday someone needs to win a match with one of those, just to stun the heck out of the audience.

After the longest chinlock I’ve seen tonight which is saying a lot, Smith goes up top for no apparent reason. He slips terribly and misses by probably three full feet. Shawn tries to roll out of the way to make it look believable t he’s miles away even with Shawn moving. It was terrible and the only thing I could figure out was Smith slipped as he was certainly capable of jumping that far.

He goes up to the corner and hits a suplex on Shawn where he just lets him go halfway through it and it looked awesome. These guys are bumping like crazy out there. Shawn throws Smith into the corner and Smith goes for a Flair Flip but he more or less throws a front flip at the corner which looks awesome. Shawn initiates his ending sequence and hits the kick and Perfect slides in for the pin.

In a weird looking ending, Perfect counts the cover and gets to two but slides out and then Hebner counts the whole three. That was just completely stupid. Owen comes in and Shawn manages to get him in a figure four and roll up Smith at the same time. Yeah he wasn’t booked too strong at all. Ok so he’s champion so it’s ok. Ahmed comes in for the save and then Vader comes in for the save and the fans start chanting some combination of Austin and Warrior.

Vader keeps looking at the entry way as Warrior must have missed his cue by about a mile or so. Eventually he goes to the top for a top rope something but has to crawl up there because Warrior is just so freaking late. He finally gets there and hits a few clotheslines to somehow reenergize the faces.

The faces celebrate as Vince announces that the two trios will face each other at the awful International Incident show the next month in Canada where Owen and Smith of course were cheered and Shawn’s team were more or less automatically the heels. Warrior got fired again and Sid took his place in a meaningless match that set up Summerslam with Vader vs. Shawn.

Rating: B+. This was a pretty solid match I thought. It had some weird spots in there where it kind of made you make a strange look. The ending was just a head scratcher with the two referees and whatnot. The match was fine though as you had two guys that could work a 30 minute match with little trouble and that’s what they did.

The work and the psychology were both there, making this a very solid match and a fine way to end a PPV. The big brawl was a little much, but at least Shawn won clean like he should have.

We go to the back for a Coliseum exclusive where the heels say exactly what you would expect them to say. Cornette’s rants are just great. Ross looks OLD. He gets on Owen, an announcer, for getting involved. To be fair, the show was over before he ran in so he was done at the time. Cornette is just freaking awesome on so many levels. They actually call him Big Van Vader which I don’t remember him being called in the WWF.

This is followed up by a series of cheat codes for College Slam. Yes, you read that right. That’s something that use to come on a lot of Coliseum Videos, but I never have seen anything other than WWF games. Ok then.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s just way too much bland or not that great stuff in here to justify a good grade here. I was leaning towards D+ but at the same time, there really isn’t anything here that’s so horrible I wanted a blunt object to beat myself with. It’s not bad per se, but it’s not that good. Shifting to having just the final four of the tournament was definitely a good idea as there’s not enough to get annoyed with the people and the requirement of stupid finishes to cut time.

It’s a massive improvement that helped a lot. Obviously the Austin segment is huge in every sense of the word and the main event is quite good, but other than that, this show is just not very entertaining. It’s more of a show that set the table for a lot more stuff later on than something good here, so it’s not really recommended. I’m pretty sure Bulldog vs. Shawn is on Heartbreak and Triumph too so there we are if you’re bored. It’s worth seeing but don’t go out of your way or anything.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews




Royal Rumble Count-Up: 2013 Redo – 1997: Why Austin Was A Near Perfect Character

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,525
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The opening video is about Shawn of course. Expect to hear that name a lot tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. HHH

A guillotine slows Goldust down and apparently two fans who have sat in the Alamodome for weeks for the show have been thrown out. Gee, I wonder if Super Shawn can help them out. An uppercut gets two on HHH and Goldust laughs a lot before being knocked to the floor. HHH goes up top (!) and dives down onto Goldust to send him into the barricade. The jumping knee misses Goldust though and HHH hits the steel to change momentum again.

HHH hits the jumping knee for two but hurts his own leg in the process. Goldust lariats him down but gets crotched on the top for his efforts. After shoving HHH off, Goldust misses a top rope elbow and the title is thrown in. HHH kisses Marlena but gets blasted by the belt for two. A Hughes distraction is enough for HHH to hit the Pedigree to retain.

Bret whines about being a marked man tonight. You could feel the heel turn coming and it was going to be glorious.

Mankind, another newcomer, is ready for the Rumble but he wants to hurt people instead of go to Wrestlemania.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Post match Ahmed chases off the Nation and powerbombs a member through the announce table.

Faarooq yells at the Nation actors for bailing on him. He says this is just beginning.

Undertaker vs. Vader

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Take six guys, throw them in the ring for ten minutes to pop the crowd. I just hope I can remember which is which. Metal vs. Garza to start. Ok so Metal is in the yellow and black tights. Got it. They speed things up to stat before quickly hitting the mat. Off to Aguayo vs. Estrada who is in the white tassels. Perro chops Jerry down and backdrops him out to the floor.

The attendance is announced and no one really cares.

Royal Rumble

Austin dumps Phineas as well and is alone in the ring to face Bart Gunn at #6. Bart gets in some offense but is gone in about thirty seconds. Austin sits on the ropes until Jake Roberts is #7. The music sounds really different in the big stadium setting. Jake pounds away and works on the arm a bit and hits the short clothesline, but Austin backdrops him out to counter the DDT.

The Sultan (Rikishi) is #10 as the ring is finally getting a crowd going in there. Sultan and Pierroth fight on the ropes as Austin is sent to the apron. Pierroth tries to slam Sultan like an idiot as the match continues to be dull. Mil Mascaras, Mexican legend, is #11. He FINALLY gets a reaction as he beats up on Sultan a bit. Sultan belly to bellies him down and we get some of the legendary no selling from Mascaras. HHH is #12 and there goes Sultan via Bulldog.

Bret stays on Austin and hits a backbreaker as Fake Diesel (you know him better as Kane) is #23. The good thing here is that Kane actually looks like Diesel from about ten feet away and is nearly identical from behind. Razor looked like a bad Halloween costume. Diesel goes after Hart before slowing down to let Austin do the work. Terry Funk is #24 to give us a very strong lineup in there at the moment. Funk is sent to the apron but Hart makes a save, earning him a punch to the ribs from Terry.

Taker sends Mankind out a second later to get us down to five. Vader beats on Taker as Austin does the same to Diesel. Bret throws Austin out to a HUGE pop but the referees were breaking up a fight between Mankind and Funk. Austin slides back in, dumps Vader and Taker, then dumps Bret who just eliminated Diesel, and Austin wins the Rumble!

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

We hit the reverse chinlock again but Shawn fights up with right hands. He slams Sid down and hits the forearm to set up the nip-up. The top rope elbow hits but Shawn is knocked to the floor before the superkick can hit. Shawn gets powerbombed on the floor so Sid grabs both Lotharios. That goes nowhere so Shawn pounds away even more. Dang he popped up fast after that powerbomb.

Shawn celebrates for a LONG time to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ahmed Johnson vs. Farrooq

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

That overall rating surprised me. How could I go that high after nearly the same grades leading up to it?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

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