Wrestlemania III
Date: March 29, 1987
Location: Pontiac Silverdome, Pontiac, Michigan
Attendance: 93,173
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

This is the biggest show in wrestling history with the biggest match in wrestling history as its main event. How’s that for a standard to live up to? In case you’re one of the six wrestling fans ever that hasn’t heard of this show, the main event is Hulk Hogan defending the WWF Title against Andre the Giant in a match four years in the making. In the undercard we have the greatest match of all time. This is the first show where they treated Wrestlemania as something huge and not just a big house show, making it the first “modern” Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

The wide shot of the arena is still quite a sight. Oh and for once and for all: there were 93,000 people there. The argument about how it doesn’t hold that many doesn’t hold up as the total often listed is for football, which requires WAY more space than a wrestling show. It would be like covering half the field with more seats. On the other hand, let’s say WWE is lying about the number. A lie? In wrestling? Surely you jest. I don’t get why people are so obsessed with proving there were less people there than claimed.

Aretha Franklin sings America the Beautiful.

Gorilla and Jesse are with celebrities Bob Uecker and Mary Hart.

Can-Am Connection vs. Don Muraco/Bob Orton

No story here as they’re just two teams having a match. The Can-Am Connection is Rick Martel (Can) and Tom Zenk (Am) which would kind of evolve into Strike Force. Martel and Muraco start things off with Rick hitting a quick shoulder to take Don down. A hip block and a kind of monkey flip put Muraco down again and it’s a standoff. Zenk comes in for a double monkey flip and it’s off to Orton who gets armdragged down as well.

Bob gets hit from one corner to the other until Zenk takes him down with an armbar. All Connection so far. They trade full nelsons and Muraco hits Orton by mistake for two. Bob gets his arm cranked on a bit until FINALLY making the tag out to Muraco. The bad luck continues for the heels as Don is slammed down and has his arm worked on as well.

Orton and Muraco finally start cheating with a knee to Zenk’s back and a shot from the middle rope. Zenk and Bob ram heads and it’s a double tag as everything breaks down. The heels are sent into each other and a double dropkick takes Orton down. Muraco gets double teamed and a cross body with a trip from Zenk is enough for Martel to get the pin.

Rating: B-. I’ve called this the best opening match in Wrestlemania history and I don’t think it’s that far off from the truth. There are definitely matches of higher quality, but think about what an opening match is supposed to do. It’s designed to set the tone for a show and this one did that. It’s about five and a half minutes long and the good guys beat the bad guys with some nice continuity. It’s nothing flashy but it wasn’t supposed to be. This is a very nice, basic tag match and the crowd was into it, which is all it was supposed to accomplish. Good stuff here.

We recap Hercules vs. Billy Jack Haynes which is the battle of the full nelson.

Heenan and Hercules say about what you would expect them to say.

Hercules vs. Billy Jack Haynes

This is power vs. power so expect some pretty weak chemistry. Hebner tries to get in between them in the corner which is more than a referee should do. Haynes hits a press slam but Hercules bails to the corner to avoid the full nelson. Hercules comes back with a big old clothesline and both guys are down already. A backdrop puts Haynes down and Herc pounds on the back a bit. This is very slow paced compared to the opener.

A suplex gets two for Hercules as he picks Haynes up. Billy can’t suplex Hercules because of the back so the Greek guy hits a backbreaker to keep the momentum up. Hercules hooks the full nelson but can’t get the fingers locked, allowing Billy to escape. Jack fights out of it and they clothesline each other down. Haynes grabs a quick atomic drop to fire the crowd up but his back messes up again. A clothesline sets up a legdrop on Hercules and a middle rope fist to the head keeps Hercules in trouble. Jack gets the full nelson but Hercules pulls them both to the floor. Herc gets put in the hold again but a double countout ends this.

Rating: D+. The fact that the crowd is hot for everything tonight is all that made this passable, which can be a great tool to bring a match up a lot. At the end of the day, they’re WAY too similar and neither guy is exactly someone that can carry a match. It’s not terrible but it didn’t go anywhere at all. This would be the only feud of note that Haynes had and he would be jobbing soon.

Post match Hercules blasts Haynes with his chain a few times and busts him open.

King Kong Bundy and his midgets say they’ll beat Hillbilly Jim and his midgets.

The other team says the exact opposite.

Hillbilly Jim/Little Beaver/Haiti Kid vs. King Kong Bundy/Lord Littlebrook/Little Tokyo

Beaver would be 52 and Littlebrook would be 58 at this point. Uecker jumps in on commentary. Haiti and Tokyo start before we get a four way crisscross. The good small guys hook a stupid looking hold called the rowboat on their evil counterparts and the crowd doesn’t seem interested. Off to Beaver as Uecker seems really happy to be here. Jesse wants to see Bundy crush one of these guys because that’s the kind of guy he is.

Littlebrook vs. Beaver at the moment but it’s quickly off to Bundy. Beaver and Haiti annoy him a bit until it’s off to Hillbilly for a nice ovation. Bundy gets dropped by a clothesline and an elbow drop allows Jim and company to pile on for a two. Jim gets caught in a front facelock but Beaver comes in and blasts Bundy in the face to get on his nerves again. Bundy finally grabs Beaver and crushes him with a slam and an elbow drop, drawing a DQ.

Rating: D+. This is another of those matches where you have to consider what they were going for. You’ve got two giants and four midgets out there with Hillbilly Jim picking up a 52 year old man so he can pull on Jim’s beard. How tough can I be on a match like this? Unfortunately Beaver’s back was hurt by Bundy in this and he had to retire.

Even the heel midgets turn on Bundy for what he did. Jim carries out Little Beaver ala Superman and Supergirl.

Macho Man won’t let Liz get interviewed.

We recap Race vs. JYD. Race is the King of Wrestling but Dog refuses to bow because he doesn’t think we have kings here in America. One night JYD put Race’s robe and crown on but Race decked him and tried to force JYD to bow. JYD is the Junkyard Dog in case you’re new at this.

Race, Heenan and Moolah (the Queen) says that there won’t be a new king tonight.

Harley Race vs. Junkyard Dog

The loser has to bow. Uecker is apparently in love with Moolah and bails out of the booth. Race comes out to either Lawler’s music or the song Lawler’s music was remixed from. Dog says that he wants to take over the spot on the throne. Oh and I forgot to mention the ring carts which only appeared here and at Mania 6. Those things were AWESOME. Dog blocks some punches to start and pounds away but Race trips up JYD to give Race control.

Dog comes right back with a headbutt to send Race to the floor before pulling him right back in. Race gets knocked to the floor again and is in big trouble. Back in and Race tries a headbutt and knocks himself silly. A Flair Flip in the corner sends Race to the floor AGAIN but it still doesn’t last long. Back inside Dog hits some headbutts but has to stop to chase off Heenan, allowing Race to hit a belly to belly for the pin.

Rating: D. This wasn’t that good primarily due to time. The majority of the match was spent with Race on the floor which isn’t what you expect from him. Dog was all about personality and crowd response as most of his offense was a bunch of headbutts. Not much to see here but the crowd was into it.

Dog bows to Race but then blasts him with a chair and steals the robe.

Hogan talks about riding to the show after hearing people telling him this was his last ride. Tonight it’s time for Andre to face the truth and all Hogan has to do is beat a 7’4 520lb giant. Andre has to beat Hogan and every Hulkamaniac in the world. Hulkamania is going to get Andre, not the dirty air or the politicians (HUH?) and Andre has to face the truth. I’ve seen the match he’s talking about probably 40 times and it still feels huge.

Dream Team vs. Rougeau Brothers

The Dream Team is Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine but they’ve been having problems lately. Dino Bravo and Johnny V are with them here. Ray and Brutus start things off with Ray sending Brutus into the Rougeau corner for some double teaming. Off to Valentine as the Rougeaus tag in and out multiple times. Jacques finally sticks around for a bit and misses a cross body out of the corner.

Greg drops a bunch of elbows and puts on the Figure Four as Bobby Heenan comes into the commentary booth. Jacques gets to the rope before reversing a piledriver so he can tag Ray. Whle this is going on, Bobby and Gorilla argue about midgets. Ray puts Greg in a sleeper and Brutus’ save goes awry. Valentine gets caught in the Rougeau Bomb but Dino comes in off the middle rope though with a shot to Ray’s back, giving the Dream Team the pin.

Rating: C-. This was all angle rather than the match. The Rougeaus were a talented team and looked solid out there while the Dream Team looked like a relic of the past. Thankfully this would be the end for them as Bravo would replace Beefcake immediately, although the New Dream Team never went anywhere.

Valentine, Bravo and Johnny V (short for Valentine but shortened to avoid confusion) leave Beefcake behind.

We recap Adrian Adonis vs. Roddy Piper. Piper had left to make a movie and came back to find Piper’s Pit taken over by Adonis’ Flower Shop with Orton having sided with Adonis. Orton, Adonis, Muraco and Hart broke Piper’s leg but he came back with a ball bat and DESTROYED the Flower Shop. This is also billed as Piper’s farewell match.

Piper says he’s not going out to a man that wears a dress. No Retreat and No Surrender!

Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis

The loser gets their hair cut and is probably the third biggest match on the show if not the second biggest. Piper walks to the ring instead of taking the cart to soak everything in a little bit more. The fans go NUTS for Piper who is still somewhat freshly face. Adonis is rather plump here, giving us a great line from Jesse: “We’re either going to have a bald Scot or Humpty Dumpty.” Piper takes off his belt and they whip each other a few times with Adonis taking over.

Piper comes right back by sending Adrian into the corner for Flair Flip to the floor. Both Adonis and Hart get pulled back in and Piper rams them together to send them back outside. Back in again and Piper throws Hart off the top and onto Adonis but Jimmy FINALLY gets something right by tripping Roddy down.

Now it’s Adonis in control as they head to the floor. Piper gets sent into the announce table and Jimmy adds a spray of perfume into his eyes. There’s Adrian’s sleeper (Good Night Irene) and Piper is almost out, but Adonis lets him go at two arm drops. Brutus Beefcake runs out to wake Piper up and after a missed clipper shot from Adonis, Piper puts him in the sleeper for the win.

Rating: C+. This was the exact kind of wild brawl that you would expect it to be. The ending was the right move as Adonis had accidentally cut Beefcake’s hair recently so it made sense given the haircut stuff. This is the right way for Roddy to go out though and the fans were way into it. Fun stuff here.

Post match Adonis gets his hair cut and punches a mirror. Roddy gets his big sendoff.

Jesse is introduced to the crowd before the next match to annoy Gorilla.

Hart Foundation/Danny Davis vs. British Bulldogs/Tito Santana

Davis is a crooked referee that cost both the Bulldogs and Santana their titles. Apparently this is Davis’ debut as a wrestler. Mary Hart (no relation) is on commentary along with Uecker here as well. Tito beats up Danny before the match before we get going with Bret and Santana. Jesse steals the Bulldogs’ mascot Matilda as he leaves. Off to Davey vs. Anvil and Smith pulls him by the beard. That’s a bit rough even for Neidhart.

Tito comes back in to work on the arm but gets sent to the heel corner for some high quality choking. That goes nowhere so here’s Smith vs. Neidhart again. Jim takes him down with a suplex but Bret misses a middle rope elbow. Dynamite comes in for the chest to buckle bump from Bret but Hart comes back with some punches. Tito tries to break up some interference but only allows even more cheating by Neidhart.

Jim hooks a modified camel clutch on Dynamite before it’s back to Bret. I don’t think we’ve seen Davis in yet but before I can finish that sentence he’s in for a few stomps. That’s the extent of his offense as it’s already back to Bret for some actual skill. The sun is starting to go down so the arena looks dark now. Back to Danny for one kick before it’s time for the Hitman again.

The Harts slingshot Davis right onto Dynamite’s knees and it’s off to Santana for the beating on Davis that the fans have been waiting for. Tito destroys Danny and hits the forearm but Neidhart breaks up the Figure Four. Off to Smith who rams Davis’ head into Dynamite’s. A jumping tombstone (not yet named) kills Davis even more but Smith doesn’t want the cover. There’s the delayed vertical followed by the powerslam but everything breaks down. Davis pops up and hits Smith with the megaphone for the pin in the melee.

Rating: C-. As fun as the beating Davis took was, the ending is really stupid as he popped up like nothing and was able to knock out a power guy with a single shot? The guy was a referee a few months ago but he’s able to do that with one shot? Bad ending aside, this was fun stuff and the fans were WAY into it.

Heenan and Andre say that Andre can’t be defeated and everyone knows it. Bobby’s white suit is rather awesome.

Butch Reed vs. Koko B. Ware

Slick is here with Reed. That comes into play later. Reed overpowers him to start which is appropriate in a power vs. speed match. Koko comes back with that dropkick of his to send Reed out to the floor. Back in and a shot to the Bird Man’s ribs give Butch control again but Koko hiptosses him down. Koko pounds away and hits another dropkick for two. A run of the ropes proves deadly though as Reed rolls through a cross body and a handful of tights pins Ware.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as Koko was there as a warm body to lose to Butch. Reed was going to be the Intercontinental Champion after Steamboat got done with it but Honky talked his way into getting the belt instead. This match was there only to set up the post match stuff which we’ll get to now.

Tito runs in and beats up Slick, ripping off his “expensive” suit. A double dropkick sends Reed to the floor.

So far we’ve had eight matches and on average it’s probably a C- at best. I think the next one might help bring things up a bit.

We recap Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat. On an episode of Superstars, Savage smashed Steamboat’s throat into the barricade and crushed his larynx with the ring bell. One night on SNME, George Steele was facing Randy Savage and promised a surprise. Steele kidnapped Liz and when Savage got up, he saw Steamboat staring up at him and terror reigned.

Savage says that he’s retaining the title and is going to prove how amazing he is.

Steamboat says this is their destiny and the Dragon is going to scorch Savage’s back. This promo still gives me chills.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat

The fans give an audible pop for Savage which even the announcers have to acknowledge. George Steele comes out to back up Steamboat and show off that green tongue. They shove each other around a few times before Randy takes an early breather. Savage misses a back elbow and Steamboat hits a pair of those perfect armdrags of his. Randy is lifted into the air via a choke and it’s back to the floor.

Back in and Savage gets in his first shot before sending Ricky into the buckle. Steamboat immediately comes back by grabbing the wrist and lifting Savage into the air. Savage comes back with an elbow to the face before sending Steamboat over the top and out to the floor. Randy starts going after the throat but has to stop to try to get his left arm working again. Steamboat sends him into the buckle and chops away, sending Savage into the ropes.

With the champion tied up, Steamboat fires away with a vengeance. Savage gets loose and Ricky hits a cross body for two, kicking off one of the fastest sets of near falls you’ll EVER see. Randy finally slows him down with a knee to the back and a toss over the ropes, only to have Ricky skin the cat. Savage throws him out again and knocks him into the crowd for good measure. The top rope ax handle keeps Steamboat down even longer and Savage is in full control.

Savage hits a clothesline for two which Gorilla doesn’t like. Gorilla: “That could be a disqualification.” Jesse: “For what?” Gorilla: “Intentional.” Jesse: “Well of course it was intentional!” Gorilla could find some weird stuff to complain about at times. After a pair of Savage suplexes for two, Ricky starts firing back and sends Savage out to the floor. A top rope chop gets two for the challenger and they speed things up all over again.

We get another chase on the floor followed by a sunset flip by the Dragon for two. They trade ANOTHER great pinfall reversal sequence as Jesse declares this one of the greatest matches he’s ever seen. A slingshot sends Savage face first into the post and there’s a sunset flip for two for the Dragon. Savage reverses an O’Connor Roll with a handful of tights for two. Randy uses the tights again and sends Dragon shoulder first into the post.

They reverse an Irish whip and the referee gets bumped. Randy hits another clothesline and drops the big elbow but there’s no referee. Savage goes to get the bell but Steele takes it away. That earns the Animal a kick in the head so he shoves Savage off the top. Steamboat is back up and famously counters a slam into a small package for the pin and the title.

Rating: A+. This is the greatest match of all time so what do you expect me to give it. I’m amazed at how well this holds up nearly 26 years later as there is nothing wrong with it at all. The story goes that these two practiced this match at Savage’s house for three months beforehand and it shows. Not a thing is even close to screwed up and they’re so fast out there it’s unbelievable. How anyone can say this is anything but perfect astounds me to this day. If you haven’t seen this before, watch it now and take notes.

Alice Cooper (male rock/metal singer) is here to back up Jake Roberts against Honky and Jimmy Hart. This was set up because Honky hit Jake in the back with a guitar, which was allegedly the reason for Jake’s addiction to pain medication that has plagued him for years. Jake says Honky got his shot but didn’t make it count. His mustache alone makes him the favorite.

Honky Tonk Man vs. Jake Roberts

This is one of the matches that is there to give us a breather between the masterpiece and the main event. Jake pounds away to start and hits a knee lift to send Honky out to the floor. Honky still can’t get his ring suit off so Jake rips it off for him. Jake follows him to the floor and slams Honky down before heading back inside. Back in and Jake charges into a knee to the face to shift momentum.

Honky drops a pair of knees to Jake’s back but misses a punch and walks into the short clothesline. The grease in Honky’s hair allows him to escape the DDT and we head outside again. Jake is sent into the post and the barricade so Honky can dance a bit. Back in and a middle rope punch puts Jake in even more trouble. There’s a knee drop to the Snake and a pair of elbows for no cover.

The Shake Rattle and Roll (swinging neckbreaker) is countered by Jake and there’s an atomic drop for the eternally funny selling by Honky. Jake punches him to the apron and Honky gets caught in between the ropes, meaning he bounces back up every time Jake punches him. The DDT is countered again and after a Jimmy interference, Honky grabs a rollup and the top rope for the upset pin.

Rating: C. You could see the Honky Tonk Man character coming on here as Jake was way better but got cheated at the end. Honky would ride that one idea for the next year and a half, drawing WAY more money and heat than he had any right to earn. Jake would feud with various heels for the next few months while being one of the many challengers to chase Honky. He finally got with Rick Rude for an awesome string of matches.

Post match Honky is chased off and Jimmy gets covered by Damien the snake.

Gene Okerlund announces a new world indoor attendance record of 93,173. That’s awesome.

Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik vs. Killer Bees

Unlike the previous match that had a feud going with it, this is just a random heel and face pairing. Slick (the foreigners’ manager) still has his torn up suit on. Volkoff starts singing the Soviet national anthem but the pretty new Jim Duggan runs out to break it up. The Bees finally show up and it’s a big brawl to start. Duggan is marching around at ringside with the 2×4 complete with a little American flag taped to it.

We start with Blair and Sheik but it’s quickly off to Brunzell. The Bees work over Iron’s arm with tags faster than I can type them. They stay on the arm until Brunzell hits his gorgeous dropkick for two on Sheik. Everything breaks down for a bit and Brunzell gets caught in the corner. Nikolai keeps Brunzell in trouble as the fans chant USA. There’s the bearhug by the Russian but Jim smacks his ears to break the hold.

Off to Sheik for the gutwrench suplex for two and a regular version for two. Brunzell comes back with a quick high knee but the referee doesn’t see the tag. A double elbow puts Jim down again and Sheik poses a lot. Duggan chases Volkoff into the ring and sees Sheik with the camel clutch on Brunzell. Being the patriot that he is, Duggan blasts Sheik in the back with the board for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible little match here until the stupid ending. This was again about furthering another feud in the form of Duggan against the evil foreigners. Why the Bees would be ok with Duggan doing that is beyond me but I guess since they’re all good guys they have to get along in WWF logic.

Andre says the next time you see him, he’ll be world heavyweight champion. Heenan says he’ll be the manager of the world champion and go down in history.

We recap Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan. Andre was there three years ago when Hogan won the title and they teamed together a few times with Hogan making the save when Andre was double teamed. There’s a LONG story (not mentioned in the show because it isn’t important) about Andre getting suspended and wrestling in a mask until Bobby Heenan, the guy behind the suspension, got it lifted.

Andre appeared with Hogan in Piper’s Pit where both received trophies; Andre’s for being undefeated for fifteen years and Hogan’s for being world champion for three years. However, Andre’s trophy was noticeably smaller, prompting him to say “three years to be a champion, that’s a long time.” A few weeks later, Andre walked into the Pit with Heenan at his side and challenges Hogan for Wrestlemania. Hogan is STUNNED and has the crucifix ripped off his chest. Hogan finally agrees to fight Andre at Wrestlemania and the arena exploded. Make no mistake about it: THIS is why Wrestlemania III is the biggest show ever.

Hogan talks about how he’s going to knock the giant down and shake the world.

Bob Uecker is brought in as the guest ring announcer. Jesse says hi to Terry, Tyrell and Jade back in Minneapolis. He did this on nearly every show but never said who those people were. It was nothing secretive: it’s his wife and kids. Mary Hart is guest timekeeper.

WWF World Title: Andre the Giant vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan walks to the ring and the ovation is unreal. To put it simply, this is the biggest match in the history of professional wrestling. We get the historic staredown and we’re really supposed to believe that Hogan is nine inches shorter than Andre? It’s like three at most. Hogan punches away to start but goes for a slam a minute into this and falls down, giving Andre a very close two. That right there would fuel the rematch requests for the next year. Hulk’s back is hurt and Andre starts taunting him. A big forearm hits Hogan in the back and Andre slams him twice. Andre pounds away very slowly and hits a few headbutts.

Hulk fights back up with some forearms into the head. A running elbow staggers the Giant and Hogan sends him head first into the buckle ten times, only to charge into a boot to slow things right back down again. We hit the bearhug and Hogan is in trouble. This lasts for a LONG while until Hogan punches his way out of it, possibly hurting his hand in the process. Hulk rams into him a few times but charges into a chop to put Hogan down again. A boot to the ribs knocks Hulk to the floor but Andre headbutts the post. Hogan tries a piledriver of all things but is easily backdropped down.

We head back in for the legendary ending sequence. Hogan ducks a big boot and clotheslines down. It’s Hulk Up time and in the most famous scene in wrestling history, Hulk Hogan slams Andre the Giant to blow the roof off the place. The big legdrop makes Hogan immortal and the title is retained.

Rating: B. Ok here’s the thing: if you think this is about the wrestling itself, you have completely missed the point here. This was about making Hogan look like the biggest star ever and to say it did that is an understatement. On top of that, the match isn’t that bad. Don’t get me wrong: it’s not a masterpiece or anything like that, but the match is nowhere near as bad as it’s made out to be. This was exactly what it was supposed to be.

Hogan poses for a long time as Heenan leaves with his head in his hands, wondering where it all went wrong.

Overall Rating: A+. There’s really no other grade to give this. It’s the biggest show of all time, the greatest match of all time is on here, and the main event has two of the most famous images of all time. This show is the pinnacle of wrestling in America and it’s never been as big as this again. There’s nothing truly bad on this show as even the weaker matches are at least really short. This show was never about the wrestling though. It’s all spectacle here and it’s an absolute must see show for any fan and it still goes by very smoothly. If you somehow haven’t seen this, definitely check it out.

Ratings Comparison

Can-Am Connection vs. Don Muraco/Bob Orton

Original: B+

Redo: B-

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Hillbilly Jim/Haiti Kid/Little Beaver vs. King Kong Bundy/Little Tokyo/Lord Littlebrook

Original: F

Redo: D+

Harley Race vs. Junkyard Dog

Original: D+

Redo: D

Dream Team vs. Rougeau Brothers

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Hart Foundation/Danny Davis vs. Tito Santana/British Bulldogs

Original: C

Redo: C-

Butch Reed vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: N/A

Redo: D

Ricky Steamboat vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Jake Roberts vs. Honky Tonk Man

Original: C

Redo: C

Killer Bees vs. Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff

Original: D

Redo: C-

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Original: A

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: A+

It still holds up.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/03/07/wrestlemania-count-up-3-this-show-is-required-viewing-for-all-fans/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Wrestlemania II
Date: April 7, 1986
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York/Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois/Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,585 (New York), 9,000 (Chicago), 14,500 (Los Angeles), 40,085 (Total)
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Susan St. James, Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon, Cathy Lee Crosby, Alfred Hayes, Jesse Ventura, Elvira

This is one of those ideas that they tried once and only once before never thinking about doing it again. After the success of Wrestlemania, the idea was that Wrestlemania 2 had to be bigger, so Vince came up with the idea of splitting it into three cities. This show is widely considered to be one of if not the worst Wrestlemania of all time and with main events such as Piper vs. Mr. T. in a boxing match and Hogan vs. Bundy in a cage it’s not hard to see why. Let’s get to it.

This is on a Monday for some reason.

This was a tape I watched to death back when I was a kid so the theme music for this brings a smile to my face.

Vince opens things up in New York and introduces Susan St. James, a popular actress of the day, to be his co-commentator.

Ray Charles sings America the Beautiful.

Gene is in Chicago and welcomes us to the city for later on.

Roddy Piper and his trainer for the fight Lou Duva (famous boxing trainer) say Piper is ready. Piper promises to quit wrestling and boxing if he gets knocked out. He’ll also quick playing tiddlywinks and dating girls, but he’ll stick with Bob Orton of course. Those two spent WAY too much time together.

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

This is fallout from the main event of Mania last year as Orndorff turned face due to Piper and Orton leaving him behind. Muraco is an associate of Piper so this is kind of a proxy feud for Paul. Muraco has Fuji with him too. Both guys say they’ll win in a voiceover as the match starts. Paul slams Muraco down to start and the crowd is already hot. Orndorff makes a slant eyes face at Fuji which today would get him thrown out of the company. In 1986, he was making $20,000 a week later in the year. It’s funny how times change.

Paul takes him down to the mat with an armbar as Susan St. James clearly has no idea what’s going on. She’s trying but this isn’t something she knows about at all it would seem. Paul cranks on a wristlock before going back down to the armbar. Susan: “He looks like he’s using some ancient Chinese techniques”. Uh…yeah. Muraco finally escapes and sends Paul into the corner, only to have Orndorff go off on him as they brawl to the floor. In something you won’t ever hear again I don’t think, the opening match of Wrestlemania goes to a double countout. The fans chant some expletives.

Rating: D. What do you want here? The match is four minutes long and ends in a double countout. It was hot while it lasted, but the problem is that it didn’t last long enough at all. This was a pretty big feud and it gets a four minute match? That’s all they can spare these guys? Orndorff would have a MEGA heel turn later in the summer which would eventually draw 74,000 people to an outdoor show in Toronto. That’s some drawing power.

Mr. T. says he doesn’t like to do a lot of talking before a fight before proceeding to talk more in 30 seconds than Goldberg said in his entire career. To show you the production values, he’s drowned out by Fink announcing the results of the previous match.

Intercontinental Title: George Steele vs. Randy Savage

This was a pretty big feud that also wound up meaning a lot more the next year than it does here. The basic idea is that George is in love with Liz and doesn’t like how Savage treats her. There’s a great angle right there that hasn’t been used in a LONG time (Punk/AJ/Bryan isn’t the same thing). Savage in an inset interview babbles as only Savage can without saying anything of note.

Steele does a freaky kind of dance and Savage immediately bails to the floor. That works so well that they do it again and make it three times until FINALLY George chases after him. Steele catches Savage going back in and bites his calf before they head back in. Randy hits a running knee to the chest but Steele easily lifts him into the air and chokes him down. George gets caught looking at Liz though and is tied up in the ropes so Savage pounds away.

A top rope cross body gets two for the champ (Savage in case you’re really young) and Steele throws him to the floor. Randy slips under the ring and sneaks up on George, only to get bitten on the arm. Savage goes to the floor and finds….a bouquet of flowers? George shoves them into Randy’s face before going to eat a turnbuckle (don’t ask).

The stuffing goes into Savage’s face but Steele AGAIN gets distracted by Liz, allowing Savage to hit the ax handle to the back. Back in and Savage hits the slam and elbow for two. Wait what? This is 1986 and the SAVAGE ELBOW only gets two? Steele grabs Savage by the face and sends him into the corner, only to get tripped up and pinned with the feet on the ropes to retain the title.

Rating: C-. This is one of those matches where your individual taste is going to vary a lot. On one hand, it’s a comedy match but not an incredibly funny one, while on the other hand it’s terrible from a wrestling perspective. On the other hand, you have three hands and should see a surgeon immediately. The point is this wasn’t much of a match and never would have made it onto a modern Mania card. Of course it wouldn’t; the Intercontinental Title doesn’t exist around Wrestlemania time. Also, of all the people in the WWF, GEORGE STEELE gets to kick out of the elbow? REALLY? This was fun for the goofiness if nothing else.

Savage and Liz immediately bail so Steele eats another buckle.

Bill Fralic (a football player) and Big John Studd are both in a battle royal later today and they talk some trash, once again being drowned out by Fink.

Vince asks Susan if she likes snakes. Make your own jokes.

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Wells is a former football player who never did another thing of note in wrestling other than be in this match. Jake is brand new at this point and is promptly run over and backdropped down in the first ten seconds. A flying shoulder takes Jake down and there’s a headbutt for good measure. Wells hits a decent flying headscissors followed by a slam for no cover. A knee lift has Jake draped in the ropes and a powerslam gets two. Roberts comes back with a poke to the eyes and a knee lift followed by the DDT for the fast pin. This was pretty much domination until the last ten seconds.

Jake wraps George up in the snake post match and makes Wells foam at the mouth.

We recap Piper vs. T which is allegedly based on a boxing match that happened in Phoenix, as apparently we’re ignoring ALL of the stuff from last year that set up the first Wrestlemania.

Hogan predicts T to win and says his ribs will be fine in the cage tonight.

We introduce the “celebrities.” First up is Joan Rivers as guest ring announcer, Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway and G. Gordon Liddy as guest judges and Herb from Burger King commercials (you won’t remember him) is guest timekeeper.

Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T.

This is a boxing match with ten three minute rounds. T has Joe Frazier as his trainer and the Haiti Kid to counter Orton. Piper is the aggressor to start as Vince calls T’s defensive stance a peek-a-boo style. Roddy grabs on the ropes and T fires away some body shots. These rounds might only be two minutes rounds. Piper takes him into the corner but T bobs and weaves before popping Roddy in the face a few times. It turns into another brawl on the ropes for the last thirty seconds or so of the round.

Everyone comes in to break up the brawl and we take a break between rounds. T gets in a few shots to the face to open round 2 but Piper apparently has a bunch of goo on his face. There’s an Orton/Piper joke in there somewhere. After the face gets cleaned off Piper starts pounding away and T is in trouble. I’ll change the numbers again because the rounds are indeed three minutes long. Piper gets him into the corner and pounds away, dropping him with a pair of shots to the head after about seven shots that missed BADLY. That gets an eight count and round 2 ends with T going down just after the bell.

Piper gets in a few cheap shots after the bell because that’s the kind of guy he is. We start round 3 with T firing away but they’re clearly getting tired. Piper goes down in his corner but pulls himself up before the count. T pounds him right back down in the corner and this time gets a seven count. This turns into move of a shoving match until T gets in a right hand to knock Piper out of the ring and out to the floor. Round 3 ends with nothing of note going on.

T talks trash in between rounds so Piper throws his stool across the ring as round 4 begins. They slug it out with T finally taking over. Piper DRILLS him with a right hand that knocks T’s mouthpiece out. T comes back with the same kind of a punch….and then Piper shoves the referee down and slams T for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was one of those things that everyone knew was going to be a disaster and the best chance they had was to make it goofy. Thankfully we’re talking about Roddy Piper in the 80s so you know he can bring the goofy. There were some decent punches in here but like all other wrestling boxing matches, you knew it would end with some sort of a DQ. This was pretty much it for Mr. T in the WWF other than a few cameos later on.

Off to Chicago!

Gene and Gorilla bring in Kathy Lee Crosby to do commentary.

Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

Moolah is defending of course and hits about five hair mares in a row to start things off. Velvet comes back with some one footed dropkicks before going up and missing a splash for Moolah to get the pin. This barely lasted 90 seconds which may have been due to McIntyre’s outfit breaking when she came off the ropes.

Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff

This is a flag match which means a regular match where the winner gets to wave their flag. For some reason the ring is VERY loud all of a sudden. Kirchner is a guy you likely won’t have heard of but he’s famous for being VERY stiff which is why he wasn’t around long. Blassie is with Nikolai here and his man hits a spinning kick to start.

We head to the floor where Volkoff rams him into the post and cuts the Corporal open with a piece of razor that he immediately puts back down into his trunks. Blassie yells at Kirchner a bit before they head back inside. It’s a slugout but Blassie throws in his cane which goes upside Nikolai’s head for the pin. This was another very short match.

Gene takes over the ring announcing for the NFL/WWF battle royal. There are six football players and fourteen wrestlers. Dick Butkus is a guest referee.

Battle Royal

NFL: Jimbo Covert, Harvey Martin, Ernie Holmes, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, William Perry

WWF: Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, Iron Sheik, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bruno Sammartino, Jim Neidhart, Bret Hart

Perry is the hometown boy but once they said Andre’s name there was little doubt as to who was winning. Ernie Ladd jumps in on commentary as a former wrestler and football player. Andre chills in the corner and beats up anyone that comes near him. Perry gets ganged up on a few times in the corner but fights them off as Covert and Tonga go out. Francis goes after Andre like a crazy man and Holmes is gone.

The two giants go at it for a bit and Brunzell is gone. There’s never much to talk about in battle royals as most of it is just a bunch of brawls and the occasional elimination like Atlas going out here. Studd beats up Perry in the corner as Martin and Morales put each other out. Arcidi loads up Blair but Bruno makes the save for some reason. Not that it matters though as Arcidi is put out just a few seconds later. Spivey is gone as are Blair and Hillbilly. We’re down to about eight or so.

Fralic is dumped out by a bunch of people and Bruno backdrops Sheik out. Studd dumps Bruno and we’re down to Andre, Studd, Francis, Perry and the Harts. Perry shrugs off both Harts and sends them to the apron for the biggest pop of the night. He starts firing off tackles at Studd before running into an elbow for the elimination. Perry offers a handshake but pulls Studd out to the floor to another big pop. The Harts get Andre tied in the ropes and easily dump Francis. They pound away on Andre a bit but the big man is like dude please. He grabs Neidhart by the beard and kicks him out before tossing Bret on Anvil to win.

Rating: D. This was another pretty lame match with the football players not being able to do much due to not being wrestlers. Perry was incredibly popular and got a great reaction from the crowd, but other than him the NFL guys didn’t add anything at all here. Andre winning was the only logical choice and there’s not much else to say here.

Vince and Susan talk to Piper in New York and of course he says he’s awesome and didn’t lose at all.

Back in Chicago Jimbo Covert says he got cheated by Fralic. Iron Sheik says he’s proven wrestlers are better than football players.

We look at the end of the battle royal again.

Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs

The Dream Team is Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine and they’re defending. For absolutely no apparent reason, the Bulldogs have Ozzy freaking Osbourne in their corner. Smith and Valentine start things off with Davey pounding away in the corner. Off to a wristlock before Dynamite comes in to send Valentine into the buckle for two. There’s the snap suplex for no cover and it’s back to Davey for the delayed vertical.

Greg gets in a few shots in the corner including a forearm to the back to take over and finally bring in Brutus. He cranks on the arm and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Smith. Dynamite comes in again and gets two off a small package. Beefcake makes a blind tag though and Valentine comes in off the top via another forearm to the back and the champions take over. Kid comes right back and pounds away before bringing Smith back in.

The Bulldogs hit a double headbutt for two for Kid but Brutus comes in sans tag to switch momentum right back. Valentine gets two off a kneeling piledriver but falls victim to the Arn Anderson self-crotching mistake. He continues the Horsemen theme by going up top and getting slammed down ala Flair as everything breaks down. Dynamite gets sent to the floor so Smith comes in with the powerslam (not yet the finisher) for two on Valentine.

Davey misses a charges into the post though and his shoulder is hurt in a hurry. Brutus comes in to work over the arm and hits a kind of hammerlock slam. Valentine hits a shoulderbreaker but pulls up before covering. In a VERY sudden ending, Dynamite gets on the top rope while still illegal and Davey rams Valentine’s head into that of Dynamite for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a great or even a very good match but after nearly two hours of lame wrestling with nothing matches, this was a great breath of fresh air. The Bulldogs would be champions for the better part of a year while the Dream Team would survive for another year before splitting at the next Wrestlemania. Good stuff here though.

Both sets of announcers talk about the title change. I’ll give the female celebrities this: they sound like they’re enjoying themselves and they’re trying at least.

Off to Los Angeles.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

Lee Marshall of non-fame in WCW is the announcer. This was supposed to be Steamboat vs. Hart but WWF saw more star power in Hernandez. This wasn’t their best time from a thinking standpoint. Hercules pounds on him to start but Steamboat goes to the arm as is his custom. A kick to the ribs puts Hernandez down and it’s off to an armbar. Back up and Steamboat does some leapfrogs before elbowing Herc down.

We head to the armbar again until Hernandez rams him into the buckle and hits a clothesline to take Steamboat down. A hot shot has Steamboat in trouble again but he comes back with a failed slam attempt that gives Hercules two. A pair of elbows get two more due to a very lazy cover. Hercules hits a tilt-a-whirl slam for two and there’s a gorilla press slam to go with it. Make it a pair of gorilla presses but Hernandez’s splash hits knees, allowing Ricky to hit the top rope cross body for the pin.

Rating: C-. Very basic match here with power vs. speed, although most of the speed guy’s offense involved an armbar. That’s something you have to get used to in Steamboat matches though so it’s not a disappointment or anything. The match itself was pretty dull stuff but Steamboat in the 80s is never a bad thing.

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

We hit the stereotypes now the gay character vs. the hillbilly character. Elmer, weighing roughly 450lbs, runs off Adonis and Jimmy Hart before the match and we get a good shot of Adrian’s pink dress. We finally get inside and Elmer starts pounding away before sending Adonis into the corner for a Flair Flip. Adrian gets sent into the corner two more times in a row with the second time landing him on the floor. Back in and there goes the dress as Adrian gets tied up in the ropes. A single punch to the chest puts Elmer down but he comes back with a corner splash, only to miss the big leg drop. A top rope headbutt gives Adrian a pin.

Rating: D-. What are you expecting here? We’ve got REALLY basic gimmicks (although Adonis wasn’t bad in his day) in a three minute match involving a man wearing a dress. This is what you call filler, albeit terrible filler. Elmer wouldn’t ever really do much in the WWF but he was a pretty big deal in the indies.

Adonis puts a flower on Elmer’s back post match.

We get Hogan’s second promo of the show with him saying he’s ready for Bundy and he begs Heenan to get involved.

Funk Brothers vs. Junkyard Dog vs. Junkyard Dog/Tito Santana

It’s Terry and Hoss here, with the latter being more famous as Dory Jr. Hoss and Dog start things off with JYD sending one Funk into another and slamming them both down before the Funks head to the floor for a breather. Off to Tito vs. Terry for a bit now and it’s a short bit as Terry gets clotheslined to the floor. Hoss takes a dropkick to send him out to be with his brother and the heels huddle on the floor again. Oh and they have Jimmy Hart too.

Back to the Dog vs.. Terry and they slug it out with Dog taking over. JYD rams Terry into the buckle so many times that the pad starts to come off. Terry gets thrown to the unpadded floor yet again and it’s back to Hoss. Tito comes in as well and Hoss fires off the famous Funk forearms. Speaking of forearms, the flying variety takes Hoss down and the Funks head to the floor again.

Hoss gets back in for a crisscross with Terry hitting Tito in the back with a knee to take over. Tito gets knocked to the floor and JYD has to chase Jimmy off a few times before throwing Santana back in. Terry gets two off a suplex and argues with the referee a bit before getting suplexed himself. They hit the ropes and collide but Terry falls into his own corner to bring in Hoss. The Funks hit a double clothesline which gets two for Terry who is getting frustrated.

Santana finally slides between Terry’s legs and makes the hot tag to JYD. We prove we’re in the 80s with a double noggin knocker to both of the Funks and a punch sends Hoss to the outside. Terry has a rope from somewhere as everything breaks down. JYD throws Terry to the floor and slams him on a table for good measure. Terry’s knee is hurt and he can’t stand up but he gets back inside anyway as Jimmy gets decked. Everything breaks down again and Tito puts Hoss in the Figure Four but Terry blasts Dog in the head with the megaphone for the pin.

Rating: B-. I’ve said before that the 1980s were the best era ever for tag wrestling and this show proves it again. Most of the show hasn’t been all that great but the tag matches have been by far the best matches on the card. This was a fun and WILD match but not to the point where you couldn’t keep track of what was going on. Good stuff here and after two boring matches in the LA section this was a good match to pick things up.

We set up the cage, which is the big blue kind for the first time ever.

Hogan is lifting weights with bad ribs and we recap Hogan vs. Bundy. On SNME, Hogan defended the title against Don Muraco and after the match, Bundy ran in and destroyed Hogan with a bunch of splashes to injure the ribs. The doctor says Hogan shouldn’t be doing this, so Hulk does chinups with a 100lb weight around his neck.

Heenan and Bundy say they’re going to take the title from Hogan.

Elvira sends it to New York for comments from Susan and Vince.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Escape only here, as it should be. Tommy Lasorda of the LA Dodgers is guest ring announcer. Ricky Schroder, a child actor, is guest timekeeper and Robert Conrad, an adult actor, is guest referee. Hogan starts firing off right hands to start and knocks Bundy into the cage before choking Bundy with his own singlet. The following clothesline in the corner has Bundy in even more trouble and a forearm to the head staggers him even more. All Hogan so far.

Both guys block shots into the cage but King goes to the ribs to stop Hogan cold. There’s a slam to mess with the ribs even more and Bundy goes for the door. You know it’s not ending that fast though so Bundy comes back to choke with the tape a bit. Another attempt to escape goes about as well and Hulk comes back with an elbow in the corner. Bundy gets rammed into the cage to bust him open and Hogan rakes his back a bit. More cage ramming occurs and Hulk climbs to the top to choke away on the ropes.

Hogan goes for the slam but Bundy falls down onto him as you would expect him to. Bundy goes to the door but Hulk grabs him for some choking with the rib tape. The Avalanche splash hits in the corner and a regular one hits as well so Hogan can shake like a fish. Hogan dives to stop Bundy from getting out but takes another Avalanche….with no effect whatsoever. The champion busts out a powerslam of all things and easily climbs out to retain.

Rating: D. It’s Hogan vs. a monster in 1986 so what in the world were you expecting to see here? At the end of the day this was the safe move but with all of the other heels on the roster, this is the best they could come up with? I mean, you have Savage, Piper or even Roberts to be in there, but you pick Bundy? It’s not like this was some huge feud as the SNME that set this up was five weeks before this show. I’ve heard that Vince was trying desperately to get Nikita Koloff to jump and be in the main event but when they fell through, they picked a monster instead. Eh when all else fails, go with the safe pick.

Hogan beats up Heenan to close the show.

Overall Rating: D. This is a tough one to grade for the same reason that I don’t consider it the worst Mania ever: it was the second one and they had NO idea what they were doing here. The main thing that helps this show is that while most of the matches are worthless, they’re FAST. Of all the non-tag matches, only the cage match and the boxing match break ten minutes and the cage match does so by about 15 seconds. It’s certainly not a good show and if this happened today Vince would be jumping off a building, but for its time this wasn’t completely terrible.

Ratings Comparison

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

Original: D+

Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. George Steele

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Original: F

Redo: D+

Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper

Original: F

Redo: D

Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Corporal Kirschner vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Original: D-

Redo: N/A

Battle Royal

Original: B

Redo: D

British Bulldog vs. Dream Team

Original: B-

Redo: B

Rick Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

Original: N/A

Redo: D-

Terry Funk/Hoss Funk vs. Tito Santana/Junkyard Dog

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Original: B-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: D

Dang those must have been the strong rose colored glasses back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/09/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-2-what-the-hell-were-they-thinking/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Yet he never gets the credit for it….Randy Savage.  Let’s look at his Mania career.

Wrestlemania 2: retains the IC Title.

Wrestlemania 3: greatest match of all time.

Wrestlemania 4: wins the World Title.

Wrestlemania 5: main event, Hogan’s second best match ever

Wrestlemania 7: second biggest and by far best match on the card, Warrior’s best match ever

Wrestlemania 8: wins world title, match of the night

 

Why doesn’t Savage get credit for such a career at Wrestlemania?  That’s a fine career, let alone just at Wrestlemania.

In Your House 6: Rage in the Cage
Date: February 18, 1996
Location: Louisville Gardens, Louisville, Kentucky
Attendance: 5.500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

This show took place an hour away from me, and somehow I never heard about it once. I didn’t know it was in Louisville until I rented the tape in May. That’s how great the advertising was. Anyway, this was the follow up show to the Royal Rumble and the build up for Wrestlemania 12. At the previous show, the winner of the Rumble was Shawn Michaels as he was finally launched into the main event scene which he has never really left.

Also on the card, Goldust got the IC Title from Razor in what was supposed to be culminated in a street fight at Mania in March, but Razor was suspended for drug issues. He was gone in May and 8 days after his last match he was on Nitro, officially beginning the NWO angle which changed wrestling forever.

The other big match was Taker vs. Hart for the world title, which Taker won by DQ when Diesel interfered at the end and was caught. Since Taker had his shot already, Diesel was named the new #1 contender, which is your main event tonight: Diesel vs. Bret in a cage match. Taker, for some reason, is YET AGAIN in the dark match, this time continuing his completely forgotten IC Title feud with Goldust.

However, he’s featured prominently in the recap video at the beginning, so him doing something in the main event is pretty much a given at this point. In what I am completely stunned by, we start with that age old struggle of good vs. evil: Razor Ramon vs. The 1-2-3 Kid!

Razor Ramon vs. 1-2-3 Kid

This is a crybaby match, meaning the loser is put in a diaper.  Ok, let me make sure I’ve got this straight. The Kid got his first win over Razor in May of 1993, and now, THREE YEARS LATER they’re still in the same program? My goodness this is absurd. You have one of the most over faces on the roster and you stick him with the exact same guy for this long? Seriously, no program goes that long. Even Austin and Vince had some time apart in their epic feud and I don’t think that went three years did it?

Good grief no wonder Razor bailed as soon as he could. In this brilliant idea, they have a standard match and the loser is put in a diaper. As I’m writing this review, I’ve got my eyes closed and am shaking my head. This is mind numbingly stupid. Did Razor light Stephanie’s dog on fire or something one day?

Fink is announcing tonight, so this show just went way up in value. They do us the favor of showing us the “in depth” history of these two, which apparently goes back 4 weeks instead of three years. Kid cost Razor the IC Title at the Rumble in case you were interested. The Kid brings out a stroller with a Razor teddy bear in it as my intelligence is withering away at this. Yes kids, the WWF can actually make you stupid.

Oh and Kid’s face and heel music are still the same, which is never a good idea. Are you listening Jericho? Change your freaking music already. Hokey soke the Kid used a springboard move. THAT’S WHAT HE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE DONE! No one would buy the Kid, a guy that weighs about 210 being able to go toe to toe with anyone. Him using the ropes made sense, but I don’t ever remember him doing it other than right there, and so far he hasn’t done it again in this match. In a really dumb spot, DiBiase throws baby powder in Razor’s eyes. Ok, that makes sense.

However, the referee is looking RIGHT AT HIM when he does it and says nothing at all. Kid is slowly starting to incorporate the crotch chop. The awfulness of that gimmick was apparently long standing. Oh great, it’s a sleeper. Oh sweet he’s not in it long. They botch……something. Not sure what that was supposed to be, and they end up in yet another sleeper, this time with Kid on Razor’s back. Oh the symbolism in that.

The Kid, hanging on to Razor, forcing Razor to carry the Kid, yet at the same time cutting off Razor’s life and making him drowsy and boring. I’ve been watching WAY too much wrestling lately. Vince actually says Razor is going nighty night. My life is now complete. Eventually the powder trick backfires as the Kid takes it in the eyes, Razor’s Edge, 1, 2, Razor picks him up. I want to hurt that man severely.

What have I done to deserve such torment? Why does this have to continue? Another Edge, and that ends it……please? THANK GOODNESS. Post match….blast it, the Kid is put into a diaper and fed a bottle as I could go for a bottle myself, but I’d like something with massive amounts of either alcohol or drugs mixed in so I can hopefully forget this match happened.

Rating: D. The wrestling is ok I guess, but dear lord these guys have been either teaming or feuding for almost three full years. What’s the point anymore? No one wanted to see this match again. Razor would have drug issues soon thereafter and not get to have his blowoff match with Goldust at Mania. He would come back to job to Vader and he would be in WCW within a month. He’s a lucky man indeed.

HHH vs. Duke Droese

Droese is a wrestling garbage man. I wish I was making that up, and that’s all there really is to say about that. Duke says he’ll take HHH out like yesterday’s garbage. Duke’s nickname is the Dumpster. Who in the world thought that would be a good nickname? Anyway, this started because HHH cut Duke’s hair on Superstars a few weeks ago.

They had a one on one match before the Rumble with the winner getting the 30 spot and the loser getting the 1 spot. Duke of all people wound up getting the 30 spot and of course, he was gone in about a minute. This match is just hard to comment on as absolutely no one cares at all. The crowd is so dead that it’s pitiful. The biggest problem here is that no one, and I mean no one cares about Duke.

I mean really, a freaking garbage collector? He has his name across his shirt. Is that in case he gets lost or something? They keep cutting to a split screen with HHH’s date and Lawler. No one cares. The hype for the Superstar line is never ending. It was a thing where you could talk to the wrestlers in the previous matches. Cool idea, but it was a one in a million shot of getting through. Either that or it was likely prerecorded comments.

The crowd is so dead it’s pathetic. They were somewhat hot for the last match so it can’t be the crowd as a whole. This match is just awful in general. Duke hits his finisher but of course doesn’t cover. He instead goes and gets his garbage can, but the referee throws it out. HHH hits him with the lid and pins him.

Rating: C-. Simply put, no one wanted to watch this and it was obvious. You could see that there were big plans for HHH, but no one knew how big. I’ll get to what the full extent of those plans were as well as how they inadvertently saved the company in our next review. Also, the next woman that HHH had with him will be known as Sable, at Wrestlemania.

We see a recap of two weeks ago when Yoko turned face by attacking his manager Jim Cornette. That leads us to this match.

For the first time, Yoko cuts his own promo, with no Japanese accent at all. He says he’s tired of Cornette taking all the credit for the work he did. Makes sense actually. Michael Hayes being taller than Yoko makes me laugh. Hayes saying get ready for a train wreck makes me laugh even harder.

Yokozuna vs. British Bulldog

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant at all. Yoko at this point was just too fat to do anything with. He was nearing seven hundred pounds and was on his last legs in the company as well as in his career. They figured that the best way to do anything with him would be to put him with a power guy so they put him with Bulldog. It is failing miserably. Yoko is dominating at the beginning but after that it’s just bad.

More or less Yoko destroys Smith and goes to set up for the Banzai but Cornette hits him in the back with the racket for the DQ. Post match Yoko stalks Cornette but Vader runs out to save him. He and Smith beat down Yoko after handcuffing him to the ropes. Suits and officials run in to break it up.

Rating: F. This was five minutes of clotheslines, punches and forearms. Total waste of time and just a way to get Vader to look dominant as he was being pushed as the monster heel. Yoko’s size is just sad to look at by this point.

We see a recap of Owen and Shawn’s rivalry, mainly focusing on Owen injuring Shawn to the point where he had to release the IC Title. Since then, Owen had been bragging about putting Shawn out of action etc. That brings us here, as Shawn had already won the Rumble and the guaranteed title shot. He puts it on the line for a chance at retribution with Owen.

Owen Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

As I’ve said many times, this should have been your main event at Royal Rumble 1998 instead of Shawn vs. Taker or whatever. Owen did the run in at the end of DX IYH, yet Shawn was afraid Owen would shoot on him and humiliate him, so instead we got Shawn vs. Taker where Shawn hurt his back.

 

Tell me Shawn vs. Owen after Montreal wouldn’t have been straight MONEY. A guy like Owen that could keep up with a guy like Shawn? How could that not just be sweet, factoring in the Montreal aspect? Oh well at least we get it one time. Here you are. Note the foreshadowing of the legendary WM 12 entrance by how he comes to the ring here.

 

Shawn says he’ll win tonight and that’s a guarantee. He comes in off the roof of the In Your House set which is kind of cool. Owen bails as we fill in even more time here. We get fireworks before the match starts. The ending is pretty clear here but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to have a good match. Can’t beat that.

 

Technical stuff to start which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Shawn is showboating already so at least he’s not wasting time in that regard. Owen heads to the floor and Shawn hits a huge dive to take him out. Nothing serious at all so far but it’s all Shawn. Both guys nip up and Shawn gets a Frankensteiner to continue his dominance.

 

Big old belly to belly catches Shawn and Owen takes over. Jerry begs Owen to kick him in the head. You can’t say he’s not violent. Camel clutch goes on as Shawn is in trouble. Shawn has a bad head and neck so Owen goes on his back. Jerry gives Owen credit for the camel clutch. As in saying Owen invented it.

 

After some brief comeback attempts by Shawn he gets a suplex over the ropes to the floor. There’s a different look here as it looks less professional which isn’t something you often have to say about a WWF show. And then Owen catches him in a powerslam from the apron to the floor which looked painful.

 

Back in the ring and Owen takes his head off with a running clothesline but doesn’t cover. Even Lawler thinks that’s a bad idea. Sharpshooter goes on but you can tell it’s not a Bret one as the bell hasn’t rung yet and we’ve had it on for more than 2 seconds. Ropes are grabbed shortly thereafter.

 

I forgot how annoying Vince’s “HE GOT HIM! NO HE DIDN’T” stuff was. The head killing enziguri hits and Shawn goes to the floor. This only gets two though and the fans are happy. Or maybe they found pennies. Forearm and nip up follow but oddly enough Owen gets up first. How often do you see that?

 

Big elbows hits and Shawn drills Cornette for general purposes. Enziguri #2 misses and Sweet Chin Music sends Shawn to Mania, which I’m sure he would have been at anyway but since that’s a common expression we’ll say it anyway. Solid match as you would expect. He dances with a little girl in the ring too.

Rating: A-. This match made the show. Up until now it was one of the worst shows I’d ever seen but then we get to this. While it’s not a classic or really anything close to it, this is nothing short of a breath of fresh air. You have two guys that could go in the ring, a good storyline, and while it was fairly obvious Shawn would win, it was fun to see. Good match and light years ahead of everything else so far tonight.

Next up we have an interview with the interim president of the company: Roddy Piper. At the time, Vince hadn’t been revealed as the owner of the company. He was just the commentator and nothing more than that. So, we had a guy that would be called the President. For years and years it was this guy named Jack Tunney (Santino referenced him before WM this year in case you were wondering where you had heard that name before).

Once Tunney retired, Gorilla Monsoon took over. However, the night after the Rumble, Vader beat the heck out of him, so while he’s on the shelf, Piper is in charge. His run ends at WM 12. He starts off by saying that HBK better be ready because he’ll be in for the fight of his life no matter what and there must be a winner, which is foreshadowing the overtime in the Iron Man Match.

He says he has no sympathy for Yoko getting beaten down earlier because Yoko is too big to be attacked like that. He insults Vader. Piper cracking jokes about Mr. T. is funny stuff. Piper makes Yoko vs. Vader for WM 12. That becomes a 6 man tag. Cornette and Vader interrupt but Piper shouts Cornette down which is just hilarious.

Ladies and Gentlemen, take notes: these are two of the greatest, if not the two greatest talkers of all time in this business. More or less, Cornette says that Vader will crush everyone. Piper says that there’s going to be a fight at Mania. COrnette and his lawyer argue as Piper leaves.

WWF Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart

As we’ve already established, this is a cage match and the rematch from the Survivor Series. They’re using the old school blue cage so this should be good indeed. Bret’s always had good cage matches and this was when Nash was still solid in the ring. Pretty slow start but that’s fine here. Right now it’s just a match with walls around them. Not bad by any means though. Bret works on Diesel’s knee for most of the match for your psychology aspect.

This really is more of just a one on one match with the cage as a small element, which is workable. It’s been a good match thus far with a story to it. That story being that Bret is trying to incapacitate Diesel so his size can’t help him out of the cage. We also get some good false finishes as both get close to escape but the other makes a last second save. The way the commentators are talking, Bret is retiring after this match.

I especially love how they talk about what a great champion Bret has been, when he’s been world champion less than three months at this point. Based on that commentary alone and knowing the hidden messages that come from commentators, it was obvious that Bret was winning here. The crowd is really into this so it’s going well at least. After nearly twenty minutes, Diesel is crawling for the door and he kicks Bret off of him so he’s all alone.

As he’s about to get out, the mat splits open and the Undertaker rises through the hole, pulling Diesel down into it screaming. Smoke flies out of it as Bret climbs out of the cage to keep the title, setting up the famous Mania main event. Post match Diesel comes out of the hole and runs from Taker who climbs to the top of the cage to stare Diesel down as Paul Bearer arrives with a new urn.

Rating: B+. Very solid stuff here. No one really expected Diesel to win but they made it entertaining anyway. Everyone knew Taker was going to get involved, but these two managed to make us forget about that. That is great work as they got our attention away so the ending was surprising. Solid stuff here and by far the best main event in the series’ history.

In the back, Piper makes the obvious match for Mania: Diesel vs. Taker, to close the show.

Overall Rating: C. There are only 5 matches so we have very little to grade. The first three matches absolutely sucked. There’s no other way to describe them. They were boring, uninteresting and just a waste of time. The other two matches however, the ones used to set up Mania which was the point of the show, were both very good if not great.

It finished strong which was what it was supposed to do so it redeems a lot of the mistakes it made earlier. Not really recommended, but not recommended to avoid either.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

In Your House 13: Final Four
Date: February 16, 1997
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 6,399
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well we’re in between the Rumble and Mania and DANG if it’s not a weird time in the WWF. There is no world champion at the moment but we’ll get to that. To begin with let’s recap the Rumble which should explain a lot. Three things happened there: Vader beat Taker with help from Paul Bearer, Shawn got the WWF Title back from Sid, and most importantly Steve Austin won the Royal Rumble in a stunning shock.

OR DID HE???

Well yes but he shouldn’t have. Your final five men were Bret, Taker, Vader, Austin and the fake Diesel (Kane). Mankind and Terry Funk were fighting on the floor which had the attention of the referees. During this fight, Hart eliminated Austin but no referee saw it. Austin got back in, eliminated Vader and Taker just after Hart eliminated Diesel. Austin took out Hart and the referees turned around to see him alone in the ring.

Austin is declared the winner and therefore the #1 contender. HOWEVER, Gorilla Monsoon doesn’t like this so he makes a match for this PPV which he dubs Final Four. Austin, Hart, Taker and Vader, the final four men in the ring in the Rumble, would have a match at the PPV for the right to go to Mania. Ok, that’s all well and good. However, there was a special Thursday edition of Raw where Shawn forfeited the title, citing a knee injury and a lost smile.

That night he had been scheduled to face Sid in a title match, so instead of just naming Sid Champion, the four way match at the PPV was now for the title with the winner facing Sid the following night on Raw for the title. Did you get all that?

That leads us here. Also on the card we have Furnas and LaFon (don’t ask) challenging for the tag belts as well as Rocky Maivia defending the IC Title that he took from HHH on the same Thursday Raw against HHH in a rematch. This is your last PPV before WM 13, so it better rock. Let’s see if it rocks or just Flex Kavanas.

Marc Mero vs. Leif Cassidy

We open with this, as in just after the recap we hear Sable’s music begin. You can tell the camera people either don’t care about this match or are just really stupid as Mero is in the ring and his pyro is going off before we even see him for the first time.

Sable has got her classic look down now: long blonde hair, one piece black leather outfit, big earrings and sunglasses. Just…dang. Anyway, Cassidy is already in the ring so how good are you expecting this match to really be? I actually like Cassidy’s stuff better than Mero’s. Let that sink in for a bit. Your psychology for this match is Cassidy works on Mero’s knee. Mero is your face here…I think.

Actually it’s more like Sable is the face and Marc is hers but that’s neither here nor there. Snow really can carry a match when he’s allowed to. It’s not something anyone cares about though as it’s Leif Cassidy vs. Marc Mero but Snow (Cassidy in case you didn’t pick up on that) is handling this very well.

Everything he does makes sense and has a point to it. There’s no noticeably stupid moves anywhere which is a very nice break. He goes after Sable though and Mero rescues her. After this he hits like three moves and no sells the knee injury to hit his shooting star press to win it.

Rating: D. If I could split this up into two ratings it would be an F for Mero and an A for Cassidy. Mero was just awful out there. He was on defense for probably 80-85 percent of the match, slams Cassidy’s head twice, hits a bad Samoan drop and his finisher to win while no selling the whole point of the match. Snow on the other hand was crisp, solid, and logical. You’re facing a high flier, keep him on the mat.

That’s smart wrestling and something that makes sense to do. He even threw in a figure four, which to be fair was the absolute worst I’ve ever seen but he was at least trying. I was impressed with him but Mero was just awful. Sable of course was the highlight with her looks, but it was close.

Now we get a double shot of weirdness. To begin with, immediately after that match, Honky Tonk Man comes out. Now, that’s not incredibly weird because based on the reaction I would assume that he’d been around a bit lately as the announcers and the crowd don’t seem stunned by his appearance.

I know he had an angle coming up that had either already started or started tonight but we’ll cover that later. The really weird part comes when he’s about to get into the ring.

We cut to a video package recapping Shawn’s forfeiting the title which shows the entire speech, Gorilla’s announcement of the title being on the line in the Four Way, and then we go to an interview with Sid. Just comes from nowhere and while it would usually be fine, why have HTM come out and then show it? He didn’t even get to have his music end.

As for the speech, here’s my take on it: you can believe him or not, and I personally think that he was at least half telling the truth, but he’s made it clear that the knee was nowhere near as bad as he implied. He had a minor surgery that could have waited but he says he very well may be retiring because of it. All I know is this: for a long stretch in that interview you could hear a pin drop in the audience.

People were on the verge of tears because Shawn might have to go. You can like Shawn you can hate Shawn you can be indifferent to him as I am for the most part, but the people loved him and that simply cannot be denied. What I believe however is that he simply didn’t want to lose to Bret at Mania 13. It was very clear that was where they were going with things, but Shawn just didn’t want to do it so he backed out.

Anyway, Sid says he’s taking the title tomorrow.

Flash Funk/Bart Gunn/Goldust vs. Nation of Domination

Flash’s entrance takes a ridiculous amount of time as he and his ladies, who are sexy in an odd way, just have to have a full dance sequence in the ring. As his illustrious partners make their way to the ring, we get a recap to explain this “feud”. Apparently all three of our jobbers have been unfairly beaten by the NOD thanks to their gang mentality. The Nation makes their entrance and look like the NWO.

I kid you not, there are 9 people in this stable. A checklist: 2 white rappers, Clarence Mason, D’lo Brown, Farrooq, Crush, Savio Vega and two guys who were apparently actors hired to look like the NOD was bigger than it really was, which is actually a good idea. That’s a huge freaking stable and their coming through the crowd and rapping their own music was genius.

This match goes under 7 minutes so this is going to be a relatively short review. Basically here all that happens is a six man tag. It’s as simple as that. This is a basic 6 man tag match. It’s not great and it’s not bad. It’s just your standard run of the mill 6 man tag. Faces start strong, heel takes over, you get a face comeback and the heels win. There is however one sick spot in it. Funk is getting double teamed by Savio and Farrooq.

They send him into the ropes for a double clothesline but he grabs their arms and in one motion backflips over them to land a double clothesline of his own. I was very impressed by this move as it just looks sick. Finish comes when Crush drops a leg on Bart to let Farrooq pin him.

Rating: C-. Now stop me if you’re heard this one before: a cowboy, a pimp and a man that is of the homosexual persuasion walk into a bar. Seriously we have those three gimmicks against a group modeled on the Black Panthers. How over the top can you get? And Vince has the nerve to wonder why the NWO was kicking his head in in the ratings at the time? Give me a break.

In the back Doc is with Steve Austin. He talks about how Austin hasn’t beaten any of the three men he’s in the ring with. Austin says he did at the Rumble and there’s a conspiracy against him by everyone in the company with any kind of power.

IC Title: HHH vs. Rocky Maivia

This is the rematch from three days prior as Rocky shocked the world and took the IC title from HHH. Helmsley has gotten to the best heel music I can remember in a long time as he comes out to Beethoven’s Ode To Joy now. Dang that’s some sweet music for a heel. He’s also dropped the random woman valet which helps a lot as well in my eyes. He’s becoming much more deadly in the ring and the HHH character is coming soon.

HHH is a twig at this point, maybe cracking 245 soaking wet. Rocky was still a rookie at this point but you could see the star in him just begging to get out with a gimmick change. HHH was on the verge of stardom but not as naturally. Early on the botch a baseball slide spot but HHH does a great improvised spot where he turns it into a drop toehold. This is a pretty good match so far with some good one liners from the King.

HHH is so rich he takes taxis to drive in movies. You could see the chemistry that these two had even this young in their careers. They knew how to get the best out of one another and that’s not something that can be taught to you by anyone. The commentators do a comparison of the people that trained both men to kill some time. JR mistakenly says that was a nice slupex by HHH so you can see him starting to slip even 12 years ago.

HHH and Hebner do their usual thing of Earl not being willing to be intimidated by HHH. HHH hits a perfect jumping knee to the face which might be the best he’s ever done. This is a very good match as it’s hard hitting and has a lot of near falls. However, they of course ruin it with the finish. Goldust whom HHH was feuding with at the time comes and stands in the aisle allowing Maivia to hit a German suplex to get the pin.

Post match Marlena gets choked out by some big woman/man with black hair that would come to be known as Chyna. Goldust says “throw her in jail.” They did a decent job of implying she was just a fan but the replay of it kind of gives it away.

Rating: B+. This was a very good match and if it had a finish could have been great. These two just put on great matches together no matter what and this was no exception. Rocky would go on to have a nice little reign with the title while HHH would go on to do nothing over the Summer but would starting hanging out with Shawn Michaels and that creature that just interfered in a little thing that would come to be called DX.

Promo for Mania airs.

Kevin Kelly interviews Vader who says he’ll be taking down all three men tonight. Paul Bearer says the same thing.

Tag Titles: Furnas/LaFon vs. Owen/Bulldog

This was a strange match. The story is that the champions have been arguing a lot lately and at the same time they lost in a Survivor Series match to these same two guys, resulting in this tag match. Now I know nothing about the challengers at all but to be fair I really hadn’t seen much of them. These guys were actually good. They were great movers out there and had some great technical stuff.

The person that stood out the most though was the referee. He was just flat out bad here. He kept taking forever as he kept wanting people out of the ring etc. and while that’s fine to try to keep going, he took it way too far. Whenever there was a cover he’d check the two partners before he went to make the count. That’s a waste of time and looks bad. Also during the match the champions kept fighting, eventually seeing Bulldog intentionally clothesline Owen hard.

Now once that happens it’s like a new match starts. The second match is far superior to the first one. Once they change gears, things get very good very fast. There was a ton of near falls and I actually believed that there would be new champions on more than one occasion. I knew who was going to win and I still believed otherwise. That my friends is compelling wrestling. The champions get hit with everything but they keep getting up every time.

Finally the end comes and it is just strange. Bulldog gets one of the guys up for the powerslam and Owen hits the guy in the head with a Slammy right in front of the referee for the DQ. What in the world? Why would you do that when your partner was about to hit his finisher which people didn’t kick out of? They fight even more afterwards with Smith throwing down the title and then even breaking the Slammy. He finally leaves with his partners.

Rating: B-. Just like in the opening match this was a tale of two matches and two separate grades. The first half was just flat out bad. It wasn’t interesting and I was wanting to just fast forward through the match and get to the end. However once Owen and Bulldog got done fighting the thing turned into a great tag match.

The ending just made no sense at all and was just to further the Bulldog/Owen angle which mostly ended with the debut of the European Title later on that month in which these two faced each other for the title.

Doc is with the Deadman in that back who says he has rediscovered his edge which makes me expect the Rated R Superstar to pop up.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Vader vs. Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Lawler keeps asking what lucha libre means (the Spanish announcers keep saying it) and JR says rough wrestling for some reason. This is actually an over the top rope battle royal but you can also be eliminated by pin or submission, which is a very interesting twist. I’m not sure if I like it or not. It takes away Vader’s weight advantage but why would you try to pin someone when you can just knock them out of the ring?

Bret of course gets a prematch interview. He says nothing can stop him from taking the title tonight. Bret’s jacket really is cool. JR says that even Wrestlemania wasn’t this exciting. Suuuuuure. Starts off with both singles feuds being renewed. Very quickly Vader and Taker figure out that going through the ropes is legal. Everyone just beats on everyone with them trading partners which further supports my orgy theory from earlier.

Leaving the ring was critical here I think as it opens up a lot of alternative possibilities for these guys which is certainly a good thing. Vader gets cut BAD around his left eye. Like it looks as if it fell out and there’s just a hole there that’s shooting blood out of it. I finally found where it was and it’s not pretty. Within a few seconds he takes a chair to the face and he hits his eye on the stairs, right on the corner.

They fight all over the arena and all fight each other at least once and in some cases twice. That’s what makes this match work as well as it is: you can keep the fighting fresh. Austin even breaks out a top rope clothesline which never stops making my head shake given how bad his knees got later in his career. After that we cut to the floor where VADER HAS BRET IN A SHARPSHOOTER. What the heck???

Those things happen within a few seconds of each other. Dang I need my medicine after seeing that. Sadly enough it was a better one that the one Rock would use later in his career. We’re at 12 minutes and no one is out yet. That’s another thing that’s making this great is all four are in there for over half of the match so far. It’s more or less Bret wrestling Austin and Taker fighting Vader now.

Bret sets Austin for a belly to back suplex and Austin BACKFLIPS out of it. DANG Austin was awesome before he got hurt. Vader’s eye is freaking sick right now. This whole thing is absolutely brutal and it’s a great match so far. We’re at fifteen minutes and it’s still all four guys in there. Just as I finish typing that Austin is thrown out as Bret Hart uses what we would now call the FU to eliminate him. Bret Hart used an FU. Sly can never see this moment.

His orgasm would flood Missouri. Taker gets knocked to the floor so we continue our orgy match with Bret and Vader getting it on for awhile. I will now pause to attempt to erase such a mental picture. Ok I’m back now as Vader goes to the top in a dumb move. Why would you do that when being knocked to the floor eliminates you?

Bret stops him and lands a superplex from the top rope which is freaking insane given A) how long they’ve been going and B) the fact that Vader’s fat needs its own zip code. Taker breaks up the sharpshooter on Vader which makes no sense at all and even the announcers question it. Austin comes back out and beats up Hart some more to pretty much secure the fact that he’ll be winning this.

Vader again goes to the ropes for a Vader Bomb but Taker sits up and hits an uppercut to the little Vaders to eliminate him so we’re down to Bret vs. Taker. Austin is still around after a chokeslam and for some reason he stops the tombstone. Taker and Hart both go for Austin but Taker is too slow.

He turns around and is clotheslined out to make Bret the champion again. Sid comes out for the staredown after Taker storms off. Sid says let’s do it right now as we go off the air in the middle of the showdown. I like that ending as it leaves us on a cliffhanger for tomorrow’s show.

Rating: A. This was a very fun match and the key to it was you knew there was going to be a new champion at the end so you had to watch all of it. Another key was that no one was eliminated until over half of the match was gone. This kept things fresh and made you want to stay until the very end to see how everyone went out. The leaving the ring was key as well as it allowed three separate one on one matches to occur throughout the match. Great match indeed and very fun.

Overall Rating: B-. First two matches were pretty bad but the other three more than made up for them. By the middle of the main event I was hooked. The second half of the show was great with another solid Rock/HHH encounter, a solid and surprising tag match and a great main event. Overall this show started slowly but kicked it into high gear at the end. Not great but certainly fun, this is worth a watch someday but don’t make it a top priority.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my 1998 Monday Night Raw Review ebook on Amazon at:

King of the Ring 1994
Date: June 19, 1994
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage, Art Donovan

This is a very interesting time in the company’s history. The main thing is that Vince McMahon is either on the stand against the federal government or is about to or has just gotten off the stand. What that means is that the writers more or less booked this show on their own and Vince had next to zero input on it. That’s simply not something that happens ever. This show kind of was thrown together because everyone wanted to keep their boss out of jail.

There just happened to be a PPV to book at the same time. Also, the winner here, almost like last year, is about as obvious as possible, but since that didn’t stop us last year why should it stop us this year? For absolutely no apparent reason, the final match tonight is Piper vs. Lawler, despite there being IC Champion vs. World Champion with Bret vs. Diesel for the belt, but that’s a more or less forgotten match with zero build so let’s get to the show and see why it happened.

For those of you that have never heard of him, Art Donovan is a Hall of Fame football player that would have been about 70 at this point. In a reference that maybe 4 of you will get, if you ever watched the Adventured of Pete and Pete, he’s the old football player that was the focus of an episode about aliens. He is pushing 70 here and there is absolutely zero point to him being out there. He’s terrible in ways I’ll get to later on.

After the generic intro, we’re ready to go. How hard is it to put a little thought into one of those? It’s not exactly rocket science, but come on now people. This is getting old indeed.

Before we start, here are the brackets for this year.

Razor Ramon
Bam Bam Bigelow

I.R.S.
Mabel

Owen Hart
Tatanka

1-2-3 Kid
Jeff Jarrett

Not the best field in the world to say the least.

First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon

Razor beat Kwang (Savio Vega) and Bigelow beat Thurman Plugg (Bob Holly. Don’t ask). Luna is actually curvy here. That’s just odd. Gorilla calls Razor the Macho Man which just makes my head hurt. Gorilla and Macho just don’t seem like the best combination for some reason. First round has a 15 minute time limit, 2nd 30 and finals are an hour. Luna distracting Razor with her very shapely figure lets Bigelow have the advantage.

Nothing wrong with having your woman give you an advantage. To you feminists that don’t like that term, she was introduced as his main squeeze. Savage offers to let Donovan hold his hand. Well ok then. Razor gets the reverse crotch on the post which is something new at the time. Donovan is just too old here, plain and simple. Savage asks if Luna will like Bam Bam still.

Gorilla asks what does that mean. Savage is just funny in his response of he’ll explain later. I will never get tired of seeing Bigelow throw that enziguri. It missed but whatever, it still looked awesome. If Luna wasn’t so freaky looking she’d be hot. We get a reference to Cal Ripken going after Gehrig’s record to date the show. They mention the KOTR being a launching pad like it was for Bret, who went on to be the world champion.

So, the fact that he was a former champion and automatically qualified because he was a former world champion had nothing to do with his future success? It was all the tournament? Is that what I’m being told? Bigelow hooks a torture rack of all things. I wonder what Luger was thinking at this point as his finisher is used by someone that likely never used it again. Not only that but he’s just standing there.

Luger bounced them up and down which if nothing else made it look a lot more painful as the person’s body was bent around Luger’s neck. Bigelow is just holding him up there and it looks really stupid. Donovan is more coherent now but he just sounds confused. “I thought he was dead! What happens now?” See what I mean? He just sounds like a confused old man, which isn’t honoring him or anything like that.

It’s just making him look stupid. Razor is WAY over. He hits a relatively easy slam which is impressive. Savage says that if Razor can hit the Edge on Bigelow that Savage will give him the Trophy of Life. That sounds like a reject from a Disney movie. Anyway, Razor counters a moonsault into more or less a rollup from the top for the pin.

Rating: C+. Run of the mill stuff here. Bigelow played a basic big strong power guy that tried to do something big and got caught. It’s a very simple formula and it worked pretty well. Razor winning was a given but they at least came up with an ending other than the Edge so points for that and Luna’s shape.

IRS and Mabel cut really bad promos about their match. IRS bumbled over his line or forgot what he was going to say or just isn’t that good as he just sounded idiotic here. Somehow, he’s better than Mabel though.

First Round: IRS vs. Mabel

Donovan wonders if IRS is one of the wrestlers. This is depressing. If nothing else, Rotunda had this gimmick down to the absolute T. Is Oscar like the grandfather of R-Truth or something? Oh blast it my video skips back a bit and I have to watch the intro twice. Gorilla shouts HO which just isn’t right at all as my childhood innocence (yes I still have some) is scarred forever.

Donovan asks for Mabel’s name. 14 seconds later he gets an answer. Oh, Mabel beat Pierre and IRS beat Scott Steiner. Wow that’s just odd indeed. Donovan says this match isn’t fair. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? He actually gets a somewhat decent line in by saying he thought the guy in the white suit (Oscar) was there to take IRS to the hospital. Eh ok I guess that’s not bad.

He follows that up with this gem: “And you guys enjoy doing this?” He’s referring to being in the ring, but that’s never specified and it sounds like he’s saying he’s miserable doing the announcing. Again, there’s no mention of Savage having tournament experience for no apparent reason. He won the biggest tournament of all time so wouldn’t it make sense to point that out for younger viewers who aren’t sure who Savage is?

IRS goes for a slam and Mabel counters it with a small package. Yes, that’s what happened and I’m not on any medication or foreign substances other than some grape juice. Mabel starts to dominate, but he goes to the middle rope and misses an elbow. IRS grabs his leg without actually hooking it and while Mabel rolls around on the mat with his arms going up into the air, he gets the three anyway. This was just out there.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. For one thing, IRS’ finisher is a clothesline. Mabel somehow wasn’t at his worst here as he could still move a bit, but the styles just completely contrasted here and it bombed badly. The ending sucked too as it just didn’t look right at all. It needed to be about a minute long but it was five and a half times that long so there we are.

First Round: Tatanka vs. Owen Hart

They beat Crush and Doink respectively. DANG Tatanka got a POP. Owen is the Rocket still here as Donovan wants to know what they weigh for some reason. Tatanka dominates to start using his incredibly generic offensive set. The crowd is hot if nothing else which is the only thing keeping me awake in this incredibly boring show. DAng it now three things are happening at once.

Tatanka is thrown into the post and Donovan is worried about the post of course. At the same time, we go to a split screen of IRS and Razor fighting in the back. At least they didn’t go to a solo shot of that. I would be able to give you a better description of that altercation if I wasn’t laughing at what Savage said: “I don’t know what it is but the wrestlers are stronger and faster lately.”

Remember: Vince McMahon, the owner of the company, the guy that gave Savage the chance to get over on a national level and the undisputed king of professional wrestling is on the stand against the federal government for STEROID charges. The irony of that line just made me crack up as it was so great.

We hit the sleeper and it occurs to me that despite the hold being considered one of the best moves ever to put someone out, only like 3 people that I can think of off the top of my head have ever won with it. That’s not a great track record. After not saying anything for a few minutes, Gorilla shouts out that WE ARE LIVE! Here’s Tatanka’s comeback and for some reason the crowd is still into this.

In something that amazes me, Tatanka actually uses a different move with a DDT, which wasn’t that great but I’ve seen worse. Oh and I almost forgot: this is the beginning of the New Generation which lasted all of a year or two with them constantly reminding us that this is the NEW generation despite it being the same guys we had seen for years now.

Anyway, Owen wins with a reversed sunset flip as all of a sudden Tatanka, after not being able to be beaten for two and a half years now can be beaten with a simple counter. I love the power of pushes.

Rating: D+. This was just average. It felt like a match you would see on Superstars or in the middle of Raw or at a house show. There was nothing at all special about it whatsoever and I just flat out didn’t care. It wasn’t interesting at all and it just needed to end. It wasn’t bad, but I just couldn’t have cared less.

Shawn and Diesel think Bret isn’t so great.

First Round: Jeff Jarrett vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Jarrett is the country singer here, having not been in the company only a few months here. He beat Luger of all people here. Donovan thinks he’s an Islander of all things. Are you starting to see what I’m working with here? Kid beat Adam Bomb to get here. The announcers are ignoring Donovan which is easily the smart thing to do. He doesn’t even know who the faces and heels are.

Jarrett is wearing an orange jumpsuit kind of thing that he would wear and black boots. It just doesn’t look right. Jarrett goes WAY old school and busts out the Slingshot Suplex. Naturally Kid is being destroyed here which is what always happens for the majority of his matches. Gorilla says that Jarrett has a powerhouse upper body. Randy Savage is somehow the most sensible man on commentary tonight..

He tries in vain to teach Donovan some very basic stuff. He responds by saying Jarrett is cute. What was the point of this again? Kid steals a win with a small package, which gets him three piledrivers for no apparent reason. What does the term beside yourself mean anyway? How can you be beside yourself? Wouldn’t that mean you were cloned or something like that? Kid is DEAD. He looks bad enough to be a member of the Clique. You know all of a sudden things make a lot more sense.

Rating: C-. This was kind of all over the place. Jarrett was nothing at this point and the Kid was an underdog that no one believed in, making the dynamics of this match just odd. The styles here just didn’t mesh at all and it came off as odd with an abrupt finish. It wasn’t particularly bad, but it just felt weird if that makes sense.

Bret wants Diesel and isn’t afraid of the Jackknife. He says there’s a family member to balance out Shawn but won’t say who.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Story: Diesel is IC Champion, big, strong, and therefore should get a title shot. That’s all there is to it so here we go. Donovan says it would be scary to line up with on a football line against Diesel. Earlier tonight I was watching The Longest Yard where Nash was a football player in an ironic bit. Anyway the family member is Neidhart which is a nice little surprise.

Why is Anvil so fondly remembered? He wasn’t particularly a great wrestler. To be fair he wasn’t anything bad at all, but he was a rather generic power guy. I guess it’s because he did what he did very well. He never really was bad at all and put on some very good tag matches. Diesel is IC Champion here. They mention that Anvil played for the Raiders and Donovan comes to life all of a sudden. The guy loves football if nothing else.

This really was an epic rivalry with these two as they had some very good matches over the years. This more or less is the same match they would always do but neither was at that level yet. It’s still entertaining enough despite having some flaws. Diesel uses standard power moves while Bret takes a great beating and goes for the legs when he can.

Why mess with stuff that works really well? After about 20 minutes of pretty good back and forth stuff including about 3 near Sharpshooters and Anvil being an idiot in general, Neidhart gets nailed by Diesel while Shawn hits Bret with a belt. Diesel is setting for the powerbomb but Anvil runs in for the rather cheap DQ.

If nothing else it’s smart to have Diesel hit him to save some of Bret’s face. Neidhart is MAD and leaves while the heels beat up Bret. A bunch of suits come down to clear the ring as we get the pinfall or submission announcement for a BIG pop. Bret was insanely over.

Rating: B. Like I said this was standard stuff for them but it still worked really well. Bret could wrestle giants at a level that was only trumped by Sting for guys his size. This was a very good match and by far and away the best match of the night featuring a seven foot guy named after a sixteen wheel truck and a guy from Calgary named after a 19th century western writer. This was fine for what it was, but dang why was this in the middle of the card? I simply don’t get that.

Semi Finals: Razor Ramon vs. I.R.S.

IRS’ gimmick was great, but DANG he was bad on the mic. The bell rings and Razor jumps IRS, with Gorilla saying they’re not waiting for any kind of bell. That sums up the night as a whole: no one cares at all. The announcers try to bring up their complete failure of a feud around the new year which didn’t work at all as no one bought IRS as a legit challenger, so they put it on PPV anyway.

Hey, did you know that Bret won the tournament last year and is now world champion? I didn’t know if any of the first 20 references to it got through or not. You can tell Savage is getting a bit annoyed with Donovan as I have been all night long. Gorilla says that he can’t believe no one has ever grabbed IRS by the tie, except for EVERY MATCH HE HAS EVER HAD!!!

Donovan calls a clothesline a forearm, which is an understandable error I guess as it can be close at times. IRS goes for a back drop and gets the Edge for the pin. That was pointless.

Rating: D+. Again, this could have been on any house show you went to for about a year and it just wasn’t interesting at all. It wasn’t bad, but man it was boring. I mean that’s the problem with this whole show: nothing at all is of interest. It’s not a bad set of matches, but other than the world title match, nothing at all has been interesting at all. It’s all the same stuff and you can kind of tell that no one cared about this show other than Owen.

Bret is looking for someone, who I think was Neidhart but it’s not clear at all. He has the belt over his shoulder which just looks amusing for no particular reason.

Todd goes over the brackets again, unsure if Kid can go or not.

Semi–Finals:  Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Owen looks almost chipper here. Kid is injured to say the least. I’m not all that into this announcer. He was the guy at Mania 10 and I just didn’t like him that much. Gorilla says Kid was hammered earlier. How appropriate of a line that is. Macho recaps “for those who just tuned in”. Well ok then. Usually what I’ll do is watch a few minutes of a match then pause it or type during downtime like a chinlock or something like that.

This was a four minute match, and I think they weren’t going after each other for about 4 seconds in their longest stretch. This was on FIRE and was more or less a lucha libre style match. I’ve always thought Owen was a bit overrated but this was awesome. Kid was awesome too as I still say he was better against smaller guys. This was awesome with Owen winning with the Sharpshooter. Kid taps, but we don’t know what that means yet so he has to say he gives up which is just odd to see.

Rating: A. This was short but awesome. This style was so far ahead of its time that I don’t think anyone else on the roster, other than MAYBE Shawn could have pulled off something like this. Why in the world do we have to have Piper vs. Lawler take up 12 minutes when we could have more of this?

Piper rambles…a lot.

Tag Titles: Headshrinkers vs. Crush/Yokozuna

Oh this isn’t going to be good is it? Crush is somehow the most athletic guy in there. The Shrinkers are the faces here and the champion as this match has zero context at all and is the epitome of a token title match. Geez we have Cornette, Fuji, Albano and Afa out there as the 80s circle of B-list managers is complete. Before you freak, yes I know Cornette was the top manager in Crockett but it’s my line so get over it.

Anyway, this really isn’t very good at all and I’m a fan of 75% of the wrestlers in this. Yoko actually loses a headbutting contest. That has never happened that I know of. Naturally there are a ton of botches in here as anyone would expect from these guys. This match, much like this show, is just dragging on and on. The heels take over like everyone expected them to.

They’re using the Colossal Connection formula where Crush is playing Haku and doing most of the work. Yoko isn’t up to the size of Andre yet but he’s getting there. Surprisingly there’s limited interference from a ton of one time heel managers out there.

Anyway, Crush beats up on Samu and hits a legdrop because Hogan is gone and everyone can use that move again since it’s a rather generic move to use. But heeeeeere’s Luger doing the only thing he knows how to do as he’s being annoying again. After a missed rollup, Fatu comes in and gets the rollup correctly for the pin. Weird ending.

Rating: C-. Like I said, this was a token title match. It wasn’t that bad but a lot of this grade is because I like most of the people in there. Ok correction I like one team but not the people on it (screw you Rikishi. Like we were going to buy you as top heel). The styles completely clashed here and while it was an ok match, it wasn’t ever going to be anything great, just like everything else on this show.

KOTR Finals: Owen Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Like I said, the finals were about as predictable as you ever could imagine. Only the Harts can manage to make pink look cool. I think Razor has worn different color tights in every match which someone always does. Ok, right there, Razor shows that he’s at least somewhat intelligent as he does something very smart. Owen goes for a crossbody and Razor was supposed to catch him for the fallaway slam that he does.

They botch it as Owen either doesn’t get high enough or Razor couldn’t get him up enough, but one way or another they messed it up. So what does Razor do? Does he complete the spot anyway but make it look like crap? Nope, instead he sets Owen down and does a regular slam. See, that right there is what you call intelligence and being on your game in a match. See, if they had done the spot anyway, it would have looked bad.

Instead we get a much more basic, yet still completely believable and FAR better executed spot that worked just as well. Razor was smart there and it made things look much better. That’s a great sign. In kind of a tell tale sign, we can see the announcers and Gorilla and Savage are looking down at the monitors as most commentators do while Donovan is looking at the ring.

If nothing else he’s trying. I can’t fault Donovan for not trying. He’s done what he could all night, but it just isn’t working. He’s simply too old and confused here without having enough on camera presence to pull this off. I will say this though: he doesn’t sound bored or miserable about being there, which makes up for a lot. I’ve said this many times: if you don’t want to be there, leave.

The best example of a guy that clearly wanted to be there and was having a lot of fun doing this is Ray Combs from Survivor Series 93. He was a horrible announcer with some of his jokes and misunderstanding of the rules, but dang he was having a blast out there and he didn’t get in the way of the match at all. That’s how you do guest commentary. He added stuff where he could and he made the match a bit more fun.

The key though: he was having a good time, or at least made you believe he was. That’s all I ask. Owen puts on an abdominal stretch and two things come to my attention. First of all, he grabs the rope for additional leverage. The thing is, to me it looks like that’s taking pressure off of Razor. Owen is less than a foot from the ropes as he doesn’t even have to extend his arm to get to them, so how much help is that giving him?

Also, in something that actually made me laugh out loud, he hooks the toe around Razor’s leg which is the common criticism from Gorilla. Ok, so for once we have the perfect abdominal stretch. Gorilla should be happy right? I quote, “This is a mistake by Owen because this hold isn’t going to work on a guy like Razor no matter how well you put it on.” It’s official: Monsoon can never be satisfied, period.

He spends nearly 20 years complaining about no one ever hooking the leg around and the first time anyone does, the hold is worthless anyway. That’s just awesome on about a million levels. After Razor makes his comeback, Jim Neidhart makes his second run in of the night and beats up Razor. A top rope elbow from Owen gives him the win. A Hart Attack follows and Owen is crowned King. He names himself the King of Harts which was his nickname for a very long time.

Rating: C+. Eh, this was ok I guess. Both guys were a bit tired, but the biggest problem was that I don’t think anyone believed that Razor was going to win this. It was always going to be Owen and that was clear for weeks leading into this. The match was ok enough but it still wasn’t great. For a final though with a given ending, this was ok. Both guys were fairly sharp in the ring, so I’ll let this one get by. It wasn’t great, but I’ve seen far worse matches.

We recap the Piper vs. Lawler feud, which was over who had the better interview segment and turned into one liners against each other as Lawler implies that Piper is gay. This just wasn’t that interesting at all as Piper was just an old guy here, which is odd as he was only about two and a half years removed or so from his best in ring work ever.

Oh and there’s some tiny kid that is imitating Piper who plays a big role in this for absolutely no apparent reason. Ok, apparently recap means showing the entire Lawler interview with random Piper comments thrown in with it.

Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler

Yes, this is somehow the main event of a show with a tournament and a world title match on it. Also, they talk about the New Generation as Lawler walks down the aisle. So we have two mostly retired guys representing the new generation. Yeah that makes a ton of sense. Donovan inadvertently points out the biggest flaw in the tournament: Lawler has always been king so it’s very confusing.

He calls himself the undisputed king of the company, despite Owen being crowned about 3 minutes ago. See the problem now? There’s also something about a children’s hospital in Canada as we’ve apparently shifted from King of the Ring to a bad TV movie of the week. Of course Piper has a full team of bagpipe players and drummers. For zero apparent reason, Piper is now best friends with the guy that made fun of him on Raw.

That makes less than zero sense. Apparently Lawler is to blame for the kid putting on the Piper outfit, doing an impression of Roddy, and bowing to King and kissing his feet. Why are we having this match again? That makes no sense at all but we’ll go with it anyway. Oh look Piper wants to talk. He uses the bubblegum line to a HUGE pop. The kid makes some bad jokes too for no apparent reason.

So, from the time Lawler came through the curtain, it took 8 minutes to start the actual match. Gorilla says it’s vintage Piper, and in this case it actually is as he doesn’t actually wrestle but fights. The kid has a crown on. Just take me now. Piper throws some punches to mix it up a little. Donovan thinks Piper doesn’t like Lawler. At least this is almost over. The kid keeps interfering and even Piper gets annoyed with him.

Lawler hasn’t gotten a single move in yet and we’re about 4 minutes in. Roddy has short and almost blonde hair at this point and it’s just not right looking. Lawler goes after the kid and gets beaten on. That’s the story way too many times in this. Make that 6 minutes with nothing from Jerry. Hey there’s a punch, and once he gets Piper dazed a bit, he goes after the kid again. This show just needs to end now. I mean right now. Walk out of the ring and the show will be better instantly.

Apparently by being evil, Lawler is showing his true colors. If that’s the case he’s the biggest patriot I’ve ever seen because he never has a problem showing them. We’re in the corner now with the kid next to the buckle and Piper on his for protection while Lawler kicks Piper. I hate this match. There’s no commentary for a bit either as they have nothing to say or Donovan has wandered off again.

Piper “defends” him by shoving him out of the ring head first. 96% of this match has been punches. I mean they’re not even throwing in any kicks or something like that to vary it up a bit. Why are these two main eventing this show? Can ANYONE explain that to me? Apparently Lawler has patented the sleeper. Does ANYONE ever remember him using that? I know Piper used it, but Lawler?

I think Roddy agreed to give money or part of it or something that he wins here to the hospital. You know, instead of just giving it to them anyway from his own pocket. Lawler hits the only high impact move he knows and Roddy gets up. Piper says bring it on, so Lawler punches him down. That’s just amusing. This is just a bad match and it’s not showing any sign of ending.

Piper hits two bulldogs because the first wasn’t enough I suppose. He sets for a third and the referee goes down. Lawler hits him with the legendary foreign object and Piper is out. To continue the idiocy of this match, Lawler puts his feet on the ropes. That’s not that dumb of course as it’s a standard heel move that made Flair more hated than it was thought humanly possible to be.

No, the stupid part is Piper kicking his feet up into the air while not moving Lawler at all. Hey Roddy: IT MIGHT HELP IF YOU MOVED YOUR ARMS TOO! Seriously he’s just kicking them into the air. You would think he’s having a seizure or something. Anyway the kid shoves Lawler’s feet off the ropes because we just haven’t had enough fun tonight.

Piper botches a belly to back suplex and then botches a cover (Yes, he managed to botch a cover) for the pin to end this as apparently it’s a big deal that it’s Father’s Day. Ok then. Piper celebrates with the kid to end this.

Rating: F. WHAT IN THE HECK WAS THE POINT OF THIS??? It’s the second longest match of the night and it was AWFUL. Literally, 95%+ of that match was just punching. It wasn’t interesting, there was ZERO reason for this to end the show, and that kid was a freaking pest.

Why wasn’t the WWF Title match the main event? It couldn’t have been to send the fans home happy. They were asleep for the most part. Hart won so it’s not like they would have been sad. I’m at a loss for words on this and that’s not something that happens often. I seriously have no clue what they were thinking here.

Overall Rating: D. This whole show was just boring. I haven’t been this bored since those marathon early Summerslams with squash after squash. You can tell there is zero effort or thought into the majority of this show. Seriously, Piper vs. Lawler to close? I don’t get that at all. There were some ok matches here, but man alive they were random.

I mean the Kid and Owen match was gold but it was three and a half minutes long and came from beyond left field. A lot of this stuff just wasn’t going to work no matter what happened. The main problem was there was no drama. Bret wasn’t going to lose just two months after Mania, the Headshrinkers weren’t going to lose, and Owen was a lock to win.

Also, Donovan hurts this a lot. He tried so hard, but it was about as out of place and distracting as you could imagine. I have no idea what the point was there but it failed miserably. Take a pass on this one as it’s boring and more or less other than Owen getting a new nickname, nothing at all of note happens here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

In Your House 14: Revenge of the Taker
Date: April 20, 1997
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Rochester, New York
Attendance: 6,477
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon

So we’re now a month removed from Wrestlemania 13. Your biggest stories are of course Taker beating Sid for the world title and the legendary Submission match with Bret and Austin. Therefore Bret now looks like a jerk while Austin is a walking deity. Your big matches here are Taker vs. Mankind for the title and then the real main event is Austin vs. Bret all over again, but this time there are no gimmicks.

Aside from that it’s a pretty run of the mill show. Both of the other titles are on the line and we have a bad midcard match. This is really an odd time for the company as they were trying to start a new year for lack of a better term but they were kind of stuck in one place. That would change fast though, just not in the near future. Let’s get to it.

Much darker music for the main theme as they’re actually trying to play off the name of the show for a change. What a novel idea! Anyway, that’s quickly cut off by LOD’s music which will always rock. A bad angle was coming for these two but I’ll get to that later on if I can avoid it for tonight’s show.

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart

Short recap video showing how the champions have been messing with the LOD and costing them some issues with the Godwinns. They come out to Bret’s music which is a bit odd and not addressed. LOD is mad over in this match as the chants are ECW level. Bulldog is European Champion and Owen has two Slammys to go with the tag titles.

As I watch this match, I start to notice a few things about the LOD. The first is I have never seen a tag team more over in my life, and that includes the Harts in Canada. The place is popping like crazy for every single thing they do. The other thing I notice is they really do nothing. The most complicated move either has done in five minutes was a powerslam. That’s actually quite impressive.

Their appearance and personas have gotten them so over that the fans are either too impressed or too stupid to get how limited they were in the ring. I’m leaning towards the second actually. During the match, Austin gets to the arena late which is yet another instance of this happening.

Someone give him a stern lecture and a firm finger shaking! JR and King are just ripping the heck out of each other in this match and it’s absolutely great. Oddly enough, JR is winning the battle of one line insults. Vince says that even King Kong would go down from Owen’s enziguri. No Vince, he wouldn’t.

Eventually the LOD beat the living tar out of both guys and hit a powerslam (go figure) from the middle rope to pin Bulldog and win the belts. Post match the celebration is on, but apparently it isn’t. Bulldog wasn’t the legal man, so this match must continue.

The champions take over, with Smith in the ring which again screws things up as Owen was the legal man that caused all the issues. Once again though the LOD takes over and this time hits the Doomsday Device but Bret runs in and causes the DQ to end this.

Rating: B-. This was a good match that did exactly what it was supposed to do: make LOD look dominant and let the heels keep their belts. It sets up a rematch as well so we have another month covered. The false finish kept things interesting enough to overlook the LOD’s, ahem, limited offensive skills. They were big, strong and cool looking and sometimes that’s all it takes.

In the back Owen and Bulldog are interviewed by Doc. Bret is going to beat Austin apparently. Thank you for that insight.

We go back to Sunny and Brian Pillman on the Superstar Line, costing only 1.50 a minute. They of course imply that that want to screw each others’ brains out without ever saying it.

Intercontinental Title: Savio Vega vs. Rocky Maivia

The Nation’s entrance is still awesome. No Faroorq that I can see though which is most weird. We see a recap of last week’s Raw where the Nation beat up Rocky after Savio cheated to pin him. Doc is with Rocky who says he’s been lucky so far in the WWF but Savio is in for a heck of a fight if he wants the title. Short but very sweet actually.

Rocky is still coming out to generic rock song #87 at this point. Farrooq comes out about 20 seconds into the match because apparently that’s 20 seconds too much work for him. He has a shoulder injury but joins for commentary.

After some difficulties with the audio, JR gives up his headset to Farrooq, who says that the black commentator is always getting held back. Not true as there never has been a black commentator at that point. Dang there really hadn’t been had there? Anyway, the match is boring but Farrooq says that he’s challenged Ahmed to a gauntlet match. If Ahmed wins the Nation disbands.

This match is just not that interesting. It’s mainly Savio on offense with a few comebacks by Rocky here or there. Eventually they go on the floor but Crush hits his finisher on Rocky and he gets counted out. You can see the finish yourself. Post match Savio is ticked off and rightly so. They take their anger out on Rocky but Ahmed runs out for the save. He accepts the challenge Farrooq made.

Rating: C. This was just there. It wasn’t interesting it wasn’t particularly good, just there. It was two guys wrestling but nothing at all was interesting about it. Farroq’s commentary was interesting and funny at least and it allowed the main storyline, NOD vs. Ahmed, to be continued. That’s all it got right though.

Ken Shamrock is chatting on AOL with the fans. Two things strike me as odd here. AOL used to be a big deal. What in the world happened to it? And Ken Shamrock on a computer is just an amusing sight.

In the back still we see Sable and Marc Mero talking to Doc. Mero says his knee injury is going fine and he’ll be back in the summer. Just a causal interview until Steve Austin walks into the men’s room behind them. Mero getting interviewed near a bathroom just makes me laugh. You hear a loud commotion from inside it though and Owen and Bulldog run out, each carrying weapons. Earl Hebner runs out as well saying Austin got jumped.

Jesse James vs. Rockabilly

Oh blast it. Blast it blast it blast it. It’s freaking Rockabilly. I hate Rockabilly almost as much as I hate Illinois Nazis, and I hate Illinois Nazis. Ok, let’s get this over with. Jesse James will become known as Road Dogg. He used to be the Roadie so now he comes out to the song he sang and Jeff Jarrett pretended to perform at the second In Your House. He’s actually decent in this role as it just fits him well.

He’s somewhat over because of the song too which is a nice little tune. Out next we have the Honky Tonk Man. He’s been looking for a protégé lately which makes me think he should join WrestleZone where everyone has a protégé, and in some cases many of them (I’m talking to you Norcal). Anyway, he says he’s found the perfect man: the artist formerly known as Billy Gunn, Rockabilly.

You know, Monty Sopp should be commended. First off, he’s gone through life with the name Monty Sopp. Secondly, he has had some of the worst gimmicks in the history of wrestling. He’s been a cowboy, Rockabilly who I’ll get to in a minute, his most famous gimmick, a gay man and now Cute Kip. The guy is annoying, but he’s had nothing to work with over the years.

Rockabilly was a country/rock singer that danced badly but thought he was awesome. Absolutely no one cared at all, period. This went on for almost 5 months before on Shotgun Saturday Night (which needs a review of its own as the concept at first was great) these two were having a match and actually said that their careers sucked because of their gimmicks so they should team up.

That’s just not something you hear that often. Road Dogg goes on this huge offensive streak to start. You know, he really was pretty good in the ring. He’s overlooked because of his antics in DX but he really was good in the ring. However, absolutely no one cared about either guy. They just weren’t interesting characters and felt like archetypes. However, at the end of the offensive rush which ends up on the floor, Dogg knocks Billy down with a clothesline from the apron.

He then points at Honky and yells You’re Next! That’s fine and good and makes sense. However, the funny part is Honky’s response. After about 5 seconds of staring blankly, he shouts you’re a goof! And this guy was one of the top heels of the late 80s?

You can clearly see a huge space of open area that doesn’t even have chairs in it. That means either ticket sales were awful or the place just didn’t make enough tickets available. There’s room for at least 400 more seats in there, and they’re right by the aisle.

I can’t imagine seats in that location at a reasonable price wouldn’t sell. It’s not like the place is empty. Anyway, the match ends when Billy has him set for a DDT but walks slowly towards the corner and Roadie rolls him up to pin him. Post match HTM tries to hit him with the guitar but he bails.

Rating: D. I hate to grade it so low because Road Dogg was really good in this match, but it comes down to one thing: absolutely no one was interested in this match at all. The gimmicks were WAY too similar and both men had to stop and dance between each move. It was just complete overkill for a match that no one wanted to see.

This would have been boring at a house show, let alone a Raw or a PPV like this one. There’s nothing here at all. There was no story, no buildup, no angle or anything like that. It just wasn’t needed and it was awful, but that shouldn’t be blamed on Road Dogg at all. He was out there working himself to death.

We go to the back for Doc to sell the Undertaker door cover. That’s a sign of the times in WWE I think as you can tell they were running low on money. They’re actually selling stuff in the middle of the show and it’s the middle of April. Cool idea actually but way overpriced for just a big poster.

Kevin Kelly is with Austin and Monsoon in the locker room. Austin says that he’s fighting tonight no matter what. Austin’s line of “Bret  is going to need medical attention after I get done with him. I don’t care how many people, even Owen, Bulldog, Stu Hart or all of Bret’s brothers want a piece of Steve Austin…” could have been worded MUCH better.

Some douche named Lance Wright is with the Hart Foundation. Bulldog says Austin started it and that he and Owen were in the bathroom celebrating their victory. Good night there are a lot of gay overtones on this segment. All three say Austin is going down tonight.

We see a nice recap of Mankind vs. Taker’s feud. The editing on this is great as it’s just really strange with all of the cuts it does. It looks like something from the mind of a crazy man. Nicely done indeed. This feud was reignited by mankind throwing a fireball at Taker’s face and blinding him.

Mankind is with Bearer and Doc and they say Taker will lose tonight.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Mankind

For Taker’s entrance we get the always cool shot of his gloved hand as he balls it into a fist. This is kind of the token first defense for Taker but it’s against someone that you could see beating him for the belt which gives it a very nice change of pace than most defenses like this. Of course this is a hard hitting fight to begin with them fighting all over the place and into the crowd for a bit.

They hammer on each other until Taker goes for Old School but instead stands on the rope and dives off with a clothesline. Taker almost gets Bearer but Mankind makes the save. This is the same kind of match that they’ve had time and time again which means that it’s really quite good in all respects. Your main story here is that Taker’s forehead is burned and his eyesight isn’t perfect in this.

Mankind uses a few weapons on him but for some reason there’s not a DQ over it which the announcers don’t understand. Taker has had mostly the same offense for years but it never has gotten old, at least not in my eyes. It’s as exciting today as it ever was. That’s part of the beauty of his character: it doesn’t get stale and if it starts to, he changes something so small that it reinvents him completely.

We get a ref bump, after which the Claw takes out Taker. We get weapons introduced but the highlight is Taker throwing a dropkick into the stairs. Is there anything this guy can’t do? After this we have the big spot for the match which I think was planned but might not have been.

Mankind is on the apron and Taker hits him with the stairs. Somehow, Mankind goes through the table head first. As in there’s a hole in the table and he’s down in it. It looked sick and painful at the same time. After that Taker lands a chokeslam and tombstone for the pin. He chases Paul around and catches him in the ring. He sits him in the corner and throws a fireball in his face which the announcers condemn but the audience loves.

Rating: B. This was fine. It was two guys with a history fighting for the title. The chemistry was clear and the feud was well established. This saves about five minutes in the beginning because there wasn’t a feeling out process. I don’t recall a bad match from these two and this was good as well. There was good action, a bit of drama, and it continued the feud by allowing Taker to get some revenge on Paul. This was perfectly acceptable.

The Hart Foundation are in the back and say that no matter what they won’t forgive the fans. Tonight it’s war: America vs. Canada, and so begins the final storyline for Bret in the WWF.

Bret Hartvs. Steve Austin

Before the match Owen and Bulldog are sent to the back. Austin comes out, still a bit shaky from getting beaten up and the fight is on immediately. Rattlesnake dominates the early part here, sending Bret into the steps time and time again. All of a sudden I have French commentary. Ok then. Austin imitating Bret signature pose is quite good indeed. American commentary back now.

For the most part of this short match (12 minutes as compared to 17 for the previous one) it’s back and forth with Bret having a slight advantage. Bret works on Austin’s knee for the majority of the match which is standard operating procedure for him. That’s your main match: Austin fights, Bret kicks the knee, lather, rinse, repeat.

The main stuff doesn’t really come into play until the end when Austin hits Bret in the head with the knee brace and puts him in the Sharpshooter, prompting Smith to come in and blast him with a chair. Post match, Austin destroys Bret’s knee with a chair. This would lead to a rematch either the next night or a week later where he would completely destroy it and Bret would miss some time with the injury.

Rating: B-. The problem here is this match was a month after the Submission Match. That simply was not going to be topped and no matter what they did that’s what it was going to be compared to. It’s a good match, but by comparison it’s average at best. It’s not fair to make that comparison but that’s just the way people think.

Overall Rating: B-. There’s one truly bad match on this show and it was easily the shortest as well. Definitely an ok show. It’s not bad but it’s not great either. It was coming off of Mania which is always hard to do so what can you really ask for? There’s enough decent stuff here to make it watchable but not enough to make it worth going out of your way to see so we’ll call it mildly recommended.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 16,056
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Austin is back and that’s by far the biggest change from last year. He’s been on a warpath after Rikishi and I think HHH for running him down last year. Other than that there isn’t much going on in the Rumble. We also have Angle defending against HHH and Jericho vs. Benoit with twenty minutes and a ladder. I think we’ll have another solid show here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is what you would expect: one out of thirty will win and the rest will fall.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boys

The Canadians have the titles and the Dudleys have concussions. It’s a brawl to start with the champions trying to bail very quickly. We wind up with Edge vs. D-Von to start as the challenger gets two off a neckbreaker. Off to Christian who is elbowed down for two of his own. Bubba comes in as Jerry makes fun of the Dudleys’ injuries. A side slam gets two on Christian and it’s off to D-Von vs. Edge again.

Christian finally goes for the back of D-Von’s injured head to give Edge control and we get into the meat of the match. Christian gets the tag and starts pounding away on D-Von’s head, followed by a neckbreaker from Edge for two. After a quick chinlock Edge hits a neckbreaker for two more as Bubba looks like he’s about to cry. Since it’s a Dudleys match, the fans want tables. Lawler wants gumbo.

D-Von breaks up a spike piledriver for reasons of wanting to stay alive, catapulting Edge into Christian. Edge and D-Von clothesline each other and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag. A Conchairto misses D-Von and there’s the seen hot tag to Bubba. A pair of hot shots takes down a pair of Canadians and there’s a Bubba Bomb to Christian. What’s Up hits Edge but wouldn’t that hurt D-Von’s head even more?

D-Von goes to get a table and the distraction lets Edge get a title belt. Bubba ducks the shot and gets a VERY close two off a rollup. 3D is broken up by a spear to Bubba and a DDT to D-Von but Bubba kicks out again. The champions try What’s Up but the Dudleys escape and the 3D on Edge gives us new champions.

Rating: B. This is one of those annoying matches where it’s really good and therefore there’s nothing to make fun of. These guys had some of the best tag matches the WWF has ever seen and this was no exception, with all four guys looking great out there. Notice something about Edge and Christian and the Hardys: they came from tag teams but they were allowed to grow up in said tag teams, meaning once they made the transition to singles matches they had a far easier time. That NEVER happens today which is why tag teams don’t make good singles wrestlers anymore. The crowd is white hot tonight too.

Drew Carey is here. He’s promoting an improv comedy PPV and somehow got in the WWE HOF out of it.

Vince says Austin will be in the Rumble despite what happened on Smackdown with HHH. What actually happened isn’t mentioned but whatever.

HHH tells Stephanie to not come to the ring with her tonight but she says she’ll be there to take care of Trish. Drew Carey comes in and pleasantries are exchanged. He talks about meeting Kamala in an airport and plugs his PPV a bit. Drew seems cool here at least. Stephanie offers to introduce him to Trish for some reason.

The APA shows each other their Rumble numbers. Crash comes in and says he’ll throw them both out even though they’re friends.

We recap Jericho vs. Benoit. Do you really need an explanation here? They suplex each other a lot and fight over the IC Title so tonight it’s a ladder match with Benoit defending. Oh and Benoit has hurt Jericho’s arm.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

It’s a slugout to start with Jericho getting a very early advantage. Benoit tries the Crossface but has to escape the Walls instead. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post before missing the springboard dropkick and crashing to the floor. Benoit posts him and goes for the ladder but stops to send Jericho into the steps. We’re only three minutes into the match though so Jericho stops Benoit’s climb. A ladder shot to the face puts Benoit down and the referee tells them they have thirteen minutes left.

Jericho lays the ladder across the top rope and of course goes face first into it as a result. Good to see that even Canadians follow the first law of wrestling. Benoit tries a suicide dive but Jericho puts up a chair, causing Benoit massive head trauma. Jericho tries to ride the ladder from the apron onto Benoit on the barricade but the other Chris moves out of the way. A ladder to the face stops Jericho again and now Benoit swings a chair.

Back in and Benoit loads up a ladder in the corner before ramming Jericho face first into it. Jericho gets up and puts the ladder in the corner again before tying Benoit’s legs between the rungs for a kind of Russian legsweep off the middle rope. Benoit comes right back with a dropkick to send the ladder into Jericho’s face and a hard belly to back suplex. The ladder is placed on the top rope again and Benoit’s face is whipped into it HARD. Jericho immediately follows up by see-sawing the ladder into Benoit’s face. Almost every one of these shots would be classified as FREAKING OW MAN.

A missile dropkick puts Benoit down again but he saves a climb attempt by Jericho. Benoit suplexes Jericho out to the floor and both guys are down again. Benoit goes up again but has to stop to kick Jericho away. Jericho gets up anyway and bends Benoit backwards into the Walls ON TOP OF THE LADDER. Benoit falls on his head but still kicks the ladder over to stop Jericho. AWESOME sequence there.

Jericho drills him with the ladder and goes up, but Benoit immediately pulls him down into the Crossface. Jericho taps out but it means nothing other than pleasure for Benoit here. Benoit sends him shoulder first into the post but Jericho comes back by sending Benoit face first into the ladder. The ladder is moved to the corner and both guys climb, resulting in Jericho being superplexed back down.

The Swan Dive hits the mat though and Benoit is in big trouble. Jericho puts the ladder on top of Benoit’s ribs, but the champion shoves it over anyway from the mat, sending Jericho face first into the buckle and out to the floor. Benoit goes up again but gets shoved out to the floor, allowing Jericho to sprint up the ladder and win the title.

Rating: A+. Take two Canadians, give them a ladder and 19 minutes and this is what you should expect. These two beat on each other HARD and the match was excellent as a result. They came up with some new stuff while mixing in basic stuff like HIT THE GUY IN THE FACE WITH A LADDER but it was so intense that it became a classic. Check this one out.

Drew hits on Trish but she says no because she’s involved with someone. Vince comes in and isn’t exactly cool with Drew being around Trish. More PPV plugging ensues and Vince says to promote the PPV, Drew should be in the Royal Rumble. Drew says sure why not.

Billy Gunn is worried about Chyna hurting her neck again in the next match.

Jericho says he proved Benoit wrong.

We recap Chyna vs. Ivory. The RTC (Ivory’s censorship group) hurt Chyna’s neck with a spike piledriver and tonight is about revenge. This forces us to sit through Chyna trying to be emotional.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Ivory is defending here. Chyna immediately runs her over with a pair of clotheslines and a toss around by the hair. Stomping ensues and Chyna knocks her out to the floor. They head into the crowd so Chyna gorilla presses her right back to ringside. Back in and Steven Richards gets beaten up as well. In an ending to set up Wrestlemania, Chyna tries the Muta Handspring Elbow but hurts her neck (on the softest bump in the corner you’ll see in years) and Ivory gets the pin to retain.

Rating: D. Ivory was squashed until the end when she won off an injury. What are you expecting from a match like this? This was designed to get more attention on Chyna because no female could conceivably beat her, so making her Women’s Champion for her Playboy hype wouldn’t do much good. Nothing to see here at all unless you’re a fan of Chyna in leather.

Chyna gets looked at by Lawler, Gunn and medics, resulting in a stretcher job.

Trish and Stephanie run into each other and still don’t get along. I can’t decide if Chyna or Stephanie is a worse actress.

Drew Carey gets some gear and talks to Kane. Nothing funny is said and much glaring ensues.

Low Down, as in Headbanger Mosh and D’Lo Brown doing an Arab comedy gimmick (don’t ask) is told that the Rumble spot they won earlier on Heat will be going to Drew Carey. See, THIS is a good use of a celebrity. Who cares if Mosh or Brown isn’t in the Rumble? Carey isn’t exactly a huge star, but he’s more interesting than either of those two. He promotes his PPV, the WWF gets some publicity, life is good.

Fans at WWF New York talk about the world title match.

HHH breathes a lot.

We recap Angle vs. HHH. Angle is on the roll of a lifetime to begin a career, having won the title from the Rock and defended it against Undertaker. HHH got the shot through some corruption and says he’s allowed Angle to be champion this long. Trish is playing both sides of the field, being in Kurt’s corner tonight but obviously sleeping with Vince, who is on HHH’s side at the moment. Stephanie couldn’t act, but dang she looked good in leather pants while she argued with Trish.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. They trade wristlocks to start with Angle taking it to the mat before HHH takes it to the corner. A clothesline puts HHH on the floor as things slow down early. Back in and Angle escapes a suplex and hits three of his own for a near fall. HHH bails tot he floor and gets punched for his efforts, but he manages to send Angle into the barricade to slow things down.

Back in and HHH takes Angle to the mat which isn’t likely his best option. Since it’s a HHH match, we go old school with an Indian Deathlock. A dragon screw leg whip puts Angle down again but as he loads up another one, Angle takes him down with an enziguri for two. Kurt comes back with a whip to send HHH over the corner and out to the floor. This is slow to start but they have a ton of time.

They slug it out on the floor and HHH goes into the steps. Angle punches him around a bit more until a Stephanie distraction lets HHH crack Angle’s knee with a chair. Still good psychology so far and I’m digging the pace. We get our first Flair move as HHH hits a knee crusher onto the steps. They head back inside after about three minutes on the floor and HHH cranks on the knee even more.

Off to an inverted Indian Deathlock because we can’t quite reach the 80s yet. The facebuster gets two for HHH and it’s time for a bad looking Figure Four, although at least it’s on the correct leg. Trish interferes to try to break it up and we get a catfight on the Spanish announce table. Vince comes down to break it up as we completely stop watching the match. Vince carries Trish away but Stephanie pulls her off her dad’s shoulder. We haven’t seen anything in the ring for about two minutes now.

We FINALLY return to the match for a small package for two for Angle before it’s back to the knee. HHH gets kicked into the buckle and Angle grabs a DDT for two. A Russian legsweep looks to set up the moonsault but HHH hits him low to block. HHH busts out a Razor’s Edge out of the corner of all things for two. I’ve never seen him use that other than here. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and Angle headbutts HHH in the crotch to boot.

Now the moonsault hits (I’m as shocked as you are) but he hurts his knee in the process. It only gets two as a result and Angle heads to the floor to walk his knee out. HHH dives off the apron and takes out Hebner by mistake. Angle goes into the post and we head back in where Angle runs the ropes (selling the knee? What’s that?) for an armdrag off the top. Angle tries to get Hebner up but HHH rams Angle into Hebner, sending Earl into the steps as a result.

HHH grabs the belt but Angle counters into an overhead belly to belly. Now Kurt gets the belt but HHH blocks into a Pedigree for no cover. Austin runs out and beats on HHH before hitting him in the face with the belt. He throws Hebner back inside but Angle is still down. A Stunner puts the bloody HHH down and Angle gets a VERY delayed pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was good but the overbooking brings it way down. Basically you have two matches here with the dividing line being the Vince/girls stuff. The match was starting off as a great psychological battle and it turned into an Attitude Era main event which it just didn’t need to be. This was disappointing after the way the match started.

Rikishi (#30) and Undertaker warm up for the Rumble.

Rock talks about how the Rumble is like a big bowl of jambalaya. As for Kane and Undertaker possibly being together, he doesn’t really care if they want to give each other a box of chocolates or kick each others’ faces in, because Rocky is throwing them both out. It could come down to Rock vs. Bull Buchanan, Rock vs. Perry Saturn, or Rock vs. Steve Austin, but either way he’s going to Wrestlemania. Rocky was feeling it here.

Rumbly hype video, where there are a legit high number of possible winners. Austin is the favorite but it’s not 100% as long as Rocky is in there. This is also one of the last years where they really pushed the idea that ANYONE could win.

Royal Rumble

Jeff Hardy is #1 and Bull Buchanan is #2. Bull charges into the ring and the beating is on fast. Jeff fights back and goes up top before hitting a headscissors. The intervals are two minutes again this year if you care about those kinds of things. They slug it out in the corner with no one getting an advantage until Matt Hardy is #3. Poetry in Motion and a double clothesline quickly dispatch Bull, so the Hardys fight for awhile.

The clock starts so the Hardys stop brawling as Faarooq is #4. Things don’t go any better for Faarooq than they did for Buchanan, resulting in a Twist of Fate and Swanton to knock him out as well. Jeff poses and Matt tries to dump him, resulting in some friction. Matt wins a slugout but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. Drew Carey is #5 and he wisely stands at ringside as the Hardys eliminate each other off the corner.

Drew is the only one left standing and the crowd seems amused. Then Kane is #6. JR: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.” Drew begs the Hardys to get back in as Kane stalks him. After about a minute, Kane gets in and Drew offers a handshake and then cash. Kane grabs Drew by the throat until Raven is #7. Drew wisely eliminates himself, high fives some fans and bails. This was perfectly fine as he was in there like 3 minutes and gave us a decently funny moment. Also he seemed to enjoy being there which is more than I can say for most celebrities. Good stuff.

Anyway, Raven pounds on Kane with a kendo stick and a fire extinguisher blast. Al Snow jumps the gun at #8 to pound on Raven who eliminated him recently. Snow legally comes in a few seconds later with trashcans and lids, followed by a bowling ball which goes into Raven’s crotch. Big gasp from the crowd for that one. JR: “It looks like a hurricane has blown through New Orleans.”

Snow and Raven pound away on Kane with everything they can find before FINALLY taking him down with a double drop toehold into a trashcan. Perry Saturn is #9 and goes after Kane’s knee which is pretty stupid in a battle royal. Everyone takes their shots at Kane and some triple teaming finally gets him to his knees. Steve Blackman with his hardcore fighting sticks is #10 as the hardcore segment continues.

Things slow down a bit as they are known to do in hardcore matches until Grandmaster Sexay is #11. Kane finds a trashcan and explodes, eliminating everyone in about thirty seconds. Honky Tonk Man, Lawler’s second straight relative, is #12. He brings his guitar and starts to sing until Kane destroys the guitar over his head and gets his sixth elimination in a row.

Kane is standing tall so here’s the Rock at #13 for our first big showdown. Rock goes off with punches and a jumping clothesline but Kane blocks the elimination attempt. Rock keeps pounding but runs into a big boot to put him down. Goodfather is #14 and Rock eliminates him after two punches. Kane pounds him down again, prompting JR to say “Kane is a carnivore chewing on a big piece of Rock Burger.” Lawler: “…..Rock Burger?” Tazz is #15 and lasts even less time than Goodfather.

Rock and Kane slug it out for a bit until Rock hits a Samoan Drop. Both guys are down until Bradshaw is #16. He’s cool with fighting both guys and hits the Clothesline on Rock. Rock comes back with the spinebuster but Kane clotheslines Rock down to take over again. Albert is #17 to keep up the size and power trend. Albert and Bradshaw pair off as do the other two guys but we can’t get an elimination.

Hardcore Holly is #18 as Albert hits the chokebomb on Bradshaw. A bicycle kick from Albert puts Kane down in a pretty impressive looking move. Rock tries do dump Kane but the dude in the mask stays in. K-Kwik (R-Truth) is #19 and is immediately slammed down by Bradshaw. Nothing of note happens until Val Venis is #20. The ring is getting full now with Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, K-Kwik and Venis.

Rock powerslams Kwik down and William Regal is #21. He also beats up Kwik who isn’t having a good night so far. Nothing of note happens again until Test is #22. He immediately knocks out Regal before pounding away on Albert. Big Show makes his return from a trip to OVW to try (and fail) to lose weight. He clotheslines Test out and dumps Kwik as well. Everyone not named Rock gets chokeslammed as Rock kicks Show low and eliminates him for the second year in a row.

As Crash Holly is #24, Big Show seemingly turns heel and chokeslams Rock through the announce table. Everyone goes after Kane and Undertaker is #25, meaning it’s finally time to get rid of some of these guys. The Brothers clear the ring other than the two of them and Rock left on the floor. The tall guys stare each other down and Scotty 2 Hotty is #26. Not exactly the brightest guy in the world, Scotty gets inside and is gone in about 45 seconds.

Austin is #27 but HHH runs out to avenge the earlier interference. Rock climbs in as the Brothers watch Austin get beaten up on the floor. Austin is busted open as Taker beats on Rock off camera. Billy Gunn is #28 to save Rock for some reason. Taker DDTs Rock down as HHH leaves. Haku, as in Meng, the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion, is #29. He goes right for Taker and pounds him into the corner and everyone pairs off. Rikishi is #30, giving us a final group of Rikishi, Haku, Rock, Austin, Undertaker, Kane and Billy Gunn.

Rikishi gets in a fight with Austin on the floor and everyone is in the ring now. Austin dumps Haku as Taker ERUPTS on Rikishi. A chokeslam puts Rikishi down but a pair of headbutts go badly for the Dead Man. Rikishi superkicks Undertaker out in a pretty big upset. As impressive as that was for him, he tries the Banzai Drop on Rock and deserves the elimination he gets.

We’re down to four with Kane, Austin, Rock and Gunn. Gee I wonder which one is going out first. Gunn escapes the Stunner and hits the Fameasser on Austin but gets thrown out anyway a few seconds later. Rock DDTs Kane down as Austin chills in the corner. Rock and Austin lock eyes and the fight is on. That’s Wrestlemania people. The spit punch drops a weakened Austin but he escapes the Rock Bottom. The Stunner hits but Austin stops to go after Kane and charges into a Rock Bottom.

Kane gets back up and gets sent through the ropes by Rock, leaving Rock vs. Austin for the moment. They slug it out some more and fight for an elimination, but Kane comes back in and dumps Rock in a shocker. That also gives Kane the record for most eliminations in a Rumble at 11. Austin kicks Kane low to put both guys down and Kane bails to the floor. Kane brings in a chair but walks into a Stunner. About four chair shots and a clothesline send Austin to the main event of the best show ever.

Rating: B+. It’s not as good as last year but it was awesome for the most part with some BIG star power out there. They did a great job of keeping you guessing until the end as Rocky winning here was a very legitimate possibility. Austin is back from his surgery and back where he was before, which is exactly what he needed to do. Very good Rumble with some nice surprises.

Overall Rating: A. While it’s not quite as great as last year, this is pretty easily the second best Rumble so far. The ladder match is excellent and the Rumble is quite good as well. The world title match is great too and there’s a solid opening tag match on top of that. The Women’s Title match sucks but it’s less than four minutes long. Great show again, but things would be coming down soon.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-

Redo: B

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A

Redo: A+

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A

Redo: D

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

I’m surprised that I liked it that much less last time. Still a great show.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/20/royal-rumble-count-up-2001-drew-carey-could-go-to-wrestlemania/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

After sitting through 1998 and 1999, this is my reward. What we have here might be the best Rumble show of them all with one of the best matches ever and a great Rumble on top of it. 2000 is the best in ring year the company ever had and this was a great way to kick that year off. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cactus Jack challenging HHH for the world title in a street fight. This is that “one of the best matches ever” that I was talking about. The idea is simple: Cactus wants the title back and he’s facing HHH in a street fight, which means HHH is in WAY over his head. We’re in Foley’s hometown in Foley’s match with Foley’s most hardcore character. How can this not be a masterpiece?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle is undefeated at this point. Kurt says he’s a real winner here, unlike the New York Knicks. This is goofy Kurt, which means he’s hilarious. He says that the mystery opponent must be scared to come face him, but the opponent needs to take a deep breath, come out here, and face Angle like a man. The self-help thing here is hilarious. The fans chant WE WANT TAZ….and here he is!

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Tazz pounds away on Angle and hits a HUGE backdrop to send him to the floor. Angle escapes a suplex in the aisle (painted like a street with a big cab hanging above the entrance, which looks like an alley. It’s really cool) and takes over. Back in and Kurt hits a forearm for two and chokes away in the corner. A belly to belly puts Tazz down but Angle goes up and gets crotched. Tazz hits a super Tazplex for two before getting rolled up for two. Angle gets two more off a bridging German before walking into a release German from Tazz. We unleash the suplexes on Kurt before the Tazmission ends Angle’s undefeated streak.

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

We go to the Hardys in the back and get a clip of them and the Dudleys putting each other through tables. Terri, the Hardys’ manager here, is told to stay in the back. She would be gone from the team soon, thank goodness.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

It’s time for the Miss Rumble Bikini contest with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Moolah, Johnny V, FREDDY FREAKING BLASSIE and Andy Richter from Late Night with Conan O’Brien as judges. Jerry gets to emcee of course. The contestants are Ivory, Terri, Kat, Jackie, BB (You shouldn’t remember her) and Luna. The idea here is that Kat legitimately took her top off (full exposure too, the only intentional female nudity in WWF history) at Armageddon and more nudity was promised here.

Ivory doesn’t want to do it but eventually does. Terri does her usual skin colored one which we’ve seen before. Lawler freaks out over her bending over the ropes. Jackie…no one cares. BB isn’t bad but again, the whole point of this is for Kat to win. Luna won’t show. Kat is in a bikini made of bubble wrap. Creative if nothing else. The judges start tallying their scores but here’s Mae Young to enter as well. She takes off her robe, and THERE is the nudity (it was fake). Mae wins to complete the joke. Lawler’s reaction of “OH MY GOD I SAW THEM” is priceless. Mark Henry comes in to save our collective retinas.

The recently hired Coach doesn’t have much to say from WWF New York.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Angle says he’s still undefeated. Rock would pin him on Smackdown a few weeks later.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

You know Jericho is fired up to be in MSG. He talks about how awesome his championship celebration will be, as it will make the millennium celebration look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly piefaces Chyna down to start before getting in a slap fight with Jericho. Chyna gets sent to the floor for the Slaughter fall, leaving the blondes to fight for a bit. Holly hits that perfect dropkick of his but Jericho comes back with the forearm.

They slug it out until Holly tries a rana (huh?), only to get caught in the Walls. Chyna makes the save, basically turning heel at the same time. Chyna sends Holly to the floor and gets drilled by Jericho. Holly and Chyna go to the floor where Jericho tries a dive but slips and only hits Holly. Back in and there’s the handspring elbow and DDT from Chyna to the Canadian for two. Everyone heads to the floor where Jericho saves Chyna from a chair shot. Back in and both champions go up for a kind of double splash for two.

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good and too short to get bad. It could have been on Raw but see, back in 2000, there was this crazy idea of finishing angles on PPV. I know that’s insane now and everything ends in a big match on Raw or rather just stops happening one day, but back in the old days, they ended like this. Match was fine.

Rock is worried about two and only two men in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Cole (minus facial hair) suggests maybe Rock should be worried about, say, Big Show. Rock says go make a glass of shut up juice (not one of his better catchphrases) and tells Big Show he doesn’t care what he thinks. He guarantees to win the Rumble right here in New York City and the place eats it up. I want one of those jerseys he’s wearing.

Jericho says he said he’d win and he’ll lead the Jerichoholics like a pied piper.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

We recap HHH vs. Cactus Jack. HHH won the title the night after Summerslam from Mankind via cheating. Big Show got the title at Survivor Series but lost it back to HHH in January. Mankind stood up to the newly formed McMahon-Helmsley Era and got beaten down for his efforts. Foley got fired and we had a fake Mankind get humiliated. Rock then said that every single wrestler would walk out and form the Rock Wrestling Federation if Foley wasn’t rehired. See how different storylines could be back then? Mankind got HHH to agree to a street fight at the Rumble but got beaten up for his efforts.

This led to an AWESOME promo on Smackdown, where Mankind said he wasn’t ready to face HHH in a street fight, but he knew someone who did. He took off his mask and ripped open his shirt to reveal Cactus Jack, scaring HHH to death. These two, as in Cactus Jack and HHH, had fought in 1997 in the match that basically brought hardcore to the WWF and they did it in MSG, with Cactus winning clean. This was an excellent story and there was a VERY real feeling that Cactus could pull this off, because HHH was in WAY over his head. Check out the build to this match as it’s some of the best stuff you’ll EVER see.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Street fight. It should also be noted that Foley lost about 30 pounds inside of a month and a half and is by far the slimmest you’ll ever see him look here. HHH does the long slow walk to the ring which makes things feel even more epic. Stephanie heads to the back which is probably a good thing. Dang I miss that big title. It’s SO much better looking than the stupid spinner version. Even now when it doesn’t spin it doesn’t look like something special but rather something like a toy. The belt on HHH looks classy.

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Back in and Jack charges right into a chair shot like an idiot. Granted for him, that’s playing the character right. HHH goes to unhook the buckle instead of covering for some reason and Jack pops up to clothesline the champ down. There’s a legdrop onto a chair onto HHH’s head for two and we head outside again. HHH gets backdropped into the crowd and the beating begins again. JR: “They’re out in the sea of humanity.” Jerry: “Humanity? JR we’re in New York.”

HHH gets rammed into something made of metal that we can’t see and they head into the aisle. Cactus sets up a wooden pallet and suplexes HHH onto it before screaming in his face. This isn’t falls count anywhere mind you. There’s a trashcan to the head and HHH gets rammed into the steel doors. The fans chant for Foley as he gets suplexed onto the trashcan. The crowd is just RUTHLESS against HHH here as they head back to the ring. The aisle is really short so it’s not a long walk.

Jack rams a knee into HHH’s head to drive it into the steps and it’s back inside now. This is almost all Jack so far. There’s the 2×4 in barbed wire but HHH hits him low to get the board away. Some shots to Cactus’ ribs and back have him in trouble and HHH looks at the board as if to say “did I just do that?” Cactus blocks a shot to the head and hits HHH in the balls with the board. The double arm DDT puts HHH down as the referee takes the board out of the ring, drawing the loudest booing of the ngiht.

Cactus wants the board back and beats up the Spanish announce team who the board was left with. He gets a board (clearly not the same one but that’s likely for safety reasons) and after the referee is crushed, HHH gets hit in the forehead with the wire. The board is driven into HHH’s forehead and he’s busted something fierce now. The referee is back up now and we get the most famous spot of the match with Jack ripping the wire across HHH’s cut to make him scream.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Cactus says hit me again but before HHH can crush the skull, Rock pops out of nowhere and blasts HHH in the head with a chair of his own. A cop comes in and unlocks the cuffs, freeing Cactus. HHH starts backpedaling fast but gets caught on the Spanish Announce Table. The piledriver hits this time but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

We haven’t gotten violent enough yet, so here’s a bag of thumbtacks. Stephanie comes out (complete with snakeskin choker in a nod to Cactus) and HHH comes back with a backdrop onto the tacks. There’s the Pedigree but Cactus kicks out at two to blow the roof off the place. It doesn’t last long though as a Pedigree ONTO THE TACKS finally ends Cactus.

Rating: A+. FREAKING OW MAN! If there’s a match that made a guy into a legitimate force better than this one made HHH, I’d love to see it. This was an absolute war with both guys destroying each other for about 27 minutes. The place never gave up on Foley and it’s easily one of his best matches ever. This is one of the best brawls ever and yet again it’s well worth checking out.

HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Cactus pulls him back into the arena. There’s a barbed wire shot to the head and the place cheers like crazy for Mick some more.

Linda is at WWF New York to talk about HHH’s title reign. Wait no she’s not. She would NEVER be involved with something involving bloodshed. And Stephanie is oh so precious and does SO much work for charity don’t you know.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are “two minutes or less” according to the Fink. We get a quick look at Shawn’s miracle save in 95 which would play a role in the coming weeks. D’Lo Brown is #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is #2. Feeling out process to start with Sexay countering Brown’s running powerbomb into a rana. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Brown down and Mosh, complete with cones on his chest, is #3.

Kai En Tai, two guys ticked off about not being in the Rumble, runs in and are immediately thrown out. Nothing else happens for a minute or so until Christian (with his AWESOME solo theme called Blood Brother. Look it up) is #4. Nothing happens again so here’s Rikishi to a POP at #5. Mosh, Christian and Brown are quickly dispatched, leaving Grandmaster and Rikishi.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #6 to complete the trio…..and it’s time to DANCE! The place absolutely loses it over this until Rikishi clotheslines and eliminates them both. Note that it is NOT a heel turn and just business, which Too Cool is ok with. Rikishi dances a bit more on his own and the place is still erupting.

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Viscera is #8 and you know New York loves itself a fat boy battle. Big Visc rams into him a few times but misses a charge and three straight superkicks put him him. Big Boss Man is #9 and won’t get in, drawing some good heel heat. He stays out on the floor until Test is #10. Test pounds away on Boss Man to finally get all three guys in there. Boss Man hits Test low but Rikishi hits Test low to put both guys down.

British Bulldog is #11 as things slow down a bit. There’s a low blow for Rikishi as well and Bulldog tries to get him out until Gangrel is #12. Kai En Tai comes out again and Taka is thrown over the top into a 360, landing face first on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. This would be played multiple times over the rest of the match, much to Lawler’s amusement. Edge (starting to mean something and over in New York) is #13.

Boss Man takes a Banzai Drop and Bob freaking Backlund is #14. He comes out to Hail to the Chief as he’s legitimately running for Congress in Connecticut at this point. You would think that would have been a tip for Linda’s future but alas no. Everyone goes after Rikishi and dumps him out to get us to the second part of the match. To recap, we’ve got Boss Man, Bulldog, Test, Gangrel, Backlund and Edge in there at the moment. Jericho is #15 to his third or fourth big pop of the night.

Jericho goes right for Edge in a match that would be for the world title eventually. That doesn’t last long though as Jericho dumps Backlund, who yells at some fans before leaving. Actually he goes into the crowd to look for Connecticut registered voters. For a guy as bland as he was back in the day, Crazy Backlund is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

Crash is #16 and gets a double spanking from Edge and Bulldog. Ok then. Edge is sent to the apron by Bulldog so he punches the British Boy in the balls. Chyna is #17 in the far less remembered Rumble appearance. She goes right for Jericho and suplexes him out in about 30 seconds but gets knocked out by Boss Man almost immediately. Faarooq is #18 and here’s the Mean Street Posse who is also out of the Rumble. Those three and Kai En Tai were all thrown out of the Rumble on Heat so five more guys could be added in.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

The ring is getting too full now with Boss Man, Test, Gangrel, Crash, Road Dogg, Snow, Venis and Albert. Dogg continues his strategy: hide in the corner and wrap all four limbs around the bottom rope. I’ve heard worse ideas. Hardcore Holly is #23 and we’re getting down to almost only big names left. Crash gets knocked to the apron but gets back in AGAIN.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Big Show, Rock’s opponent for this match, is #26. Rocky pounds on him immediately but Albert sticks his fat head in Rock’s business. Show dumps Gangrel and Test before going to stomp on Rocky. Bradshaw is #27 and is out in about 30 seconds at the hands of the Outlaws and the Mean Street Posse. Kane is #28 complete with the still sexy Tori. Venis gets thrown out almost immediately and Show stupidly gorilla presses Gunn down instead of out. Kane knocks Albert out as Godfather is #29. The Ho’s are especially good looking tonight.

Funaki comes out for the fourth time. JR: “For the love of Pete.” Jerry: “No that’s Funaki.” X-Pac is #30 which was announced in advance. The final group is Road Dogg, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Snow dumps Holly and Show puts Godfather out. Rock dumps Snow to get us to six. Billy dumps a talking too much Roadie just before getting dumped by Show.

We’ve got X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and Rock as the final four. I’ve seen far worse. Rock throws out X-Pac but the referee is with Kane who is fighting the Outlaws on the floor. Pac gets back in and the guys pair off. Show sends Rock into Kane for a big boot as the giants choke each other. Pac kicks Rock down and Kane hits a pretty good enziguri and an even better slam on Big Show. Pac kicks Kane out and a Bronco Buster on Big Show.

Rock dumps X-Pac and we’re down to two. The spinebuster sets up the Elbow but since IT’S JUST A FREAKING ELBOW DROP, Show gets up and chokeslams Rock down. Show takes WAY too much time though and Rock holds onto the top rope, sending Big Show out to go to Wrestlemania. Awesome ending to an awesome match.

Rating: A. AWESOME Rumble here with the absolute right ending. This was the Rock’s Rumble and there was no other person who should have won it. The only part that was a little dull here was the middle but it’s certainly not bad. This followed the three part structure as all great Rumbles do and as usual, it worked like a charm. Great Rumble and one that might have a claim to best ever.

Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania when Big Show comes in and knocks him to the floor. Show stands in the ring as Rock leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is one of the best shows the WWF has ever put on. Period. There isn’t a bad match on the whole card, the crowd is ON FIRE all night and you have two excellent matches to round out the show. I can’t imagine anything in the next 12 years surpassing this one and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Outstanding show.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

King of the Ring 1993
Date: June 13, 1993
Location; Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage

So here we are: the King of the Ring. Now this was a revolutionary concept for the masses, as the last major tournament that was nationally shown was 5 years ago at Wrestlemania 4. A good big has changed since then. In this tournament, we have had an original field of 16 that is now down to eight here on the PPV, which looks like this.

Bret Hart
Razor Ramon

Mr. Perfect
Mr. Hughes

Jim Duggan
Bam Bam Bigelow

Lex Luger
Tatanka

Like I said, all of them had first round matches other than Bret who had a bye because he’s awesome. I’ll mention who they beat in their individual matches. Also on the card tonight is a world title match between the new champion Hulk Hogan, who came in and stole the title from Yokozuna so that a heel didn’t leave Wrestlemania with the belt as that would just be evil right? Anyway, this is their rematch, and it’s quite historic if I do say so myself. With all that said, let’s get to the show.

Our intro is mainly just a list of the brackets and Vince talking about the heartland of America for the first of about a thousand times tonight. Ross does the run of the mill intro as Savage can’t stand still which is funny for some reason. Apparently Hogan wanted us in Dayton so he can fight in the heartland of America. So Hogan, who wasn’t champion three months ago now determines where the shows are happening? That’s just amusing.

First Round: Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

Razor is relatively new here but not really. He fought Bret at the Rumble in an ok match. His way too bright color of the show is green. True story: for years I thought the razors on Ramon’s tights were blocks of machismo. This is just after he lost to the Kid so there we are. Heartland of American count: 4 so far. You can tell this show is a big event: it has its own stage. Bret works over the arm but Razor hits a clothesline which according to Savage was unbelievable. No not really.

It wasn’t that special and it happened so I’d be inclined to believe it. Heenan says this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, even though Bret won the tournament two years ago. Oh I almost forgot: Bret got a bye and Razor beat Tito Santana to get in. Ross is way too energetic here. Savage picks Perfect to win the tournament. We hit the floor for all of a second in a pointless few seconds. Ross accidentally calls Hart Savage.

The commentators are way over the top here and it’s kind of distracting. Razor is destroying Bret here so all is right with the world. Heenan says that Bret is the kind of guy that when he checks into a hotel and asks for a wakeup call at 1:23 AM and he kicks out when the phone rings. What in the world is Bobby on because I want some of it.

In a cool yet simple spot, Bret is up in the Razor’s Edge but backflips out of it and gets a small package for two. Razor takes him up to the middle rope for a belly to back suplex but Bret rotates around and lands on top of Razor for the pin in a cool looking ending.

Rating: B. I liked this. They didn’t have a ton of time to really flesh out the match and they didn’t have to. There’s a way to do a ten minute match and they had it working right. I liked it better than their Rumble match where Razor wasn’t ready for a match like that. He was much more developed here and it worked much better. This was good.

We get a recap of Taker getting beaten down by Mr. Hughes who stole the urn. He was a big power guy that was a bodyguard so naturally he never won a thing.

First Round: Mr. Hughes vs. Mr. Perfect

Perfect gets a very nice pop. Heenan being sick of Perfect is great too. Savage keeps referring to this as the finals for some reason. Hughes beat Kamala and Perfect had to beat Doink three times to get here. Heenan goes on a rant about how he made perfect and Ross just says wrong. That was great. Hughes is of course dominating but he’s just not that good at all.

He’s very limited in the ring but to be fair for someone his size there’s only so much he even has to do. Perfect bumps on a level that is usually only reserved for Shawn and Flair. Bret is shown in an inset about who he’d rather face and he actually gives an answer, saying he would rather fight Perfect.

That’s not something you hear that often. Perfect makes his comeback and actually hits a backdrop on Hughes. It kind of sucked but there we are. In a very stupid ending, Hughes just grabs the urn and blasts Perfect with it. Well ok then that’s one way to end it. That was dumb.

Rating: D+. This was just bad. Hughes just flat out wasn’t interesting at all as he was such an incredibly bland character. I mean seriously, he’s a bodyguard for hire. At least with Diesel they weren’t mercenaries but were characterized as the main guy’s friends. Hughes was the main guy and that’s just a failure. Perfect did everything he could out there, but he can’t make a good match out of nothing, and that’s what he was asked to do here.

Yoko and his cronies say they’ll win. He follows that up by eating a herd of cattle.

First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Jim Duggan

Bigelow beat Typhoon in what I’m sure was a five star classic while Duggan beat Shango, so somehow this is the best possible matchup. That’s just disturbing. Duggan is wearing the red white and blue singlet at this point. Think of Angle’s old tights but with regular tights instead of shorts. They look horrible on him. Duggan is a favorite too apparently. There’s another heartland drop. Make that number six.

Scratch that and make it seven. It’s beyond vintage already. Duggan actually beats Bigelow up here for a good while. He can punch like few I’ve ever seen. This is his final run in WWF though as he would be gone in about a month or so. Duggan goes for a slam which apparently only a bad rib prevents from working. Bigelow hits a headbutt to stop that though. Make that number 8. We’re half an hour into the show mind you.

Duggan goes for another slam since the first went so well. Savage gets in another gem by saying notice we haven’t had a single cover for a three count yet. Well Macho that’s good because if we had then the match would end. We hit our second bearhug of the match and Duggan still won’t sell a thing. He hits the slam finally but when he goes for the three point clothesline, which is as stupid of a finisher as I can think of, he hits his head on the turnbuckle and the headbutt finishes this.

Rating: D-. Oh this was terrible. Luckily it was less than five minutes which is the only selling point for it. Duggan sold nothing and the whole rib thing went absolutely nowhere. See, psychology here would say that a guy that’s had all kinds of rib work done on him should have had some kind of rib issue related into the ending, such as going for a power move and falling, setting up the headbutt for the ending. This was just bad.

Terry Taylor talks to Bret who says he’s looking forward to fighting Perfect.

First Round: Tatanka vs. Lex Luger

Luger beat Backlund and Tatanka beat Giant Gonzalez. Luger is the Narcissist at this point and both he and Tatanka are undefeated at this point. They had teased Luger vs. Hart for awhile but it never happened. Luger has a steel plate in his arm so he was being forced to have a pad over it in most of his matches. Luger really did nail the self absorbed heel character.

He has to put it on or he can’t fight. Savage says the King of the Ring is the most prestigious ever. I love how things at the moment have to be built up. I get why it was done, but dang that’s just amusing. Tatanka starts off hot if nothing else. He was generic but dang the people responded to him. Heenan gets as close to being too far as you can get without going too far with his jokes about Tatanka. Why wasn’t Savage in this thing? I’ve never gotten that.

He says that the winner of the tournament should be considered equal to the WWF Champion. Well that’s over the top but if nothing else it does come close to validating the tournament as being a big deal. That’s not terrible. Bam Bam says that he wants Tatanka. Heenan says that Bigelow’s grandfather was Buffalo Bill Bigelow. I don’t know how to reply to that.

This turns into a pretty decent back and forth match, but given the amount of times that the announcers point out the fifteen minute time limit and the double undefeated streaks here, the ending is pretty clear. Luger is in control for the most part, but Tatanka does his version of Hulking Up towards the end. A chop gets two. A chop gets two. A chop gets two. A top rope chop gets two.

A top rope chop gets two. Starting to see why Tatanka didn’t really do a lot in the company? The announcers point out that neither guy can know the time limit is about to expire, which it does following Luger nearly winning it. There’s no announcement that we’re running out of time which is something that I like here. Why tell them?

It makes things more believable towards the end of the match. Anyway, we have a draw, but afterwards Luger acts like a face by asking for five more minutes. He confirms being a heel, even though that would end in like two weeks, by nailing Tatanka with the steel forearm to knock him out. Bigelow is in the finals now.

Rating: B-. This was another good match. While the ending was a bit predictable, sometimes that’s ok. These two were both rather limited in the offense area but they still put on a solid enough match for this to be passable. Tatanka didn’t do much other than chop people, but he knew how to work a crowd and it made up for everything else, which holds true for Luger also. It wasn’t pretty, but it did what it was supposed to do.

Perfect and Hart get into it a bit before their match to build up some drama. They actually argue over whose father would win. There’s an idea that you don’t hear talked about too much: Stu in the ring. You always hear about how great of a trainer he was but you never hear about him wrestling much. Bret says he remembers Summerslam, where Bret won his first IC Title over Perfect in a classic. This was really good and fun.

Semi-Finals: Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Bret doesn’t have his jacket here. That just doesn’t look right. These two tended to have some scary chemistry together so I can pretty much guarantee this will be good if not great. Bret has a taped up hand that he didn’t have earlier. Bret wins the early sequence and the fans are into it. Savage mentions that Heenan was managing Perfect at Summerslam 91 and cost him the match.

Heenan gets all flustered trying to defend himself. Hint for you Bobby: you weren’t managing him back then, the Coach was. WE ARE LIVE! Oh and there’s another Heartland of American reference. Yep I was right. These guys are nailing it out there. Perfect, a face, is showing some heel tendencies. They point out that the winner should be the #1 contender.

That wouldn’t become an official rule until 2002 but it always was kind of an unwritten one. Bret’s athleticism really was underrated. He could move out there far better than a lot of people. He was very athletic and could do a small amount of flips, but he did them very well indeed. They mention that both guys used to be heels, which they call having a salty past here but whatever.

After trading control for awhile, they just say screw this and go insane on each other. The pace here is insane and the crowd is WAY into it. They trade a ton of near falls until Bret gets thrown to the floor and allegedly hurts his knee. Back in the ring and Bret takes over again by going for the leg, but hooks a figure four instead, and it’s as close to being on Flair’s level as any I’ve ever seen. He even gets the correct leg for once.

That of course doesn’t work so Bret goes for the ending sequence. I wonder something: who named it the Side Russian Legsweep? What is Russian about that move? Did the tsars use that in Siberian Death Matches against polar bears? Anyway, Perfect takes over again and after a long sleeper he can’t hit the Perfectplex, so Bret suplexes both guys over the ropes in an insane looking spot.

We’re back in the ring now with Perfect in control. He hooks a small package but Bret reverses it into a pin for a huge pop. They actually shake hands so Perfect can stay face despite acting a bit heelish during that match. That was great stuff.

Rating: A. This was top level work here. These two are a rare breed: they can simply be told what to do and then just go out and rock the house with it. I have yet to see a bad match from these two, but from what Bret has said they had a series in Alaska of all places that puts anything else they’ve ever done to shame. That is saying a lot. Anyway, this was an outstanding match and is well worth tracking down if you have about 20 minutes to kill. This was great.

We look at the brackets…because we didn’t catch the Bigelow vs. Hart is the final statement the first five times the commentators said it I guess.

Hogan, with a much thinner mustache says that he’ll beat Yoko in the heartland of America. I want one of Jimmy’s jackets because they just completely rock. A lot of the lines that Hogan and Jimmy use here would be in Hogan’s WCW song.

WWF Title: Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Yoko is billed as being from the Polynesian Islands despite having a ton of Japanese photographers (remember that) and a guy waving the Japanese flag. Apparently Hogan trimmed down for endurance here. Does that put him at maybe 302 or something I guess? Heenan says that this is a fresh Yokozuna and not one that just had a thirty minute match with Bret Hart.

In other words it’s the same as last time since Yoko vs. Hart was like 9 minutes. Also this is Hogan’s only title defense in two and a half months as champion so there we are. It was fairly HOLY CRAP WHO IN THE HECK IS THAT??? Someone has stolen Hogan’s attire and belt. That guy can’t weigh more than 260. Literally he’s got to be 40-50 pounds lighter than usual.

This is right around the time of the steroids trial, so there we are for an explanation. He’s billed at 302 which is the biggest lie in the history of wrestling. Yes even more than Vince is decent in the ring for a guy with no training. Ross calling a Hogan match just doesn’t work for me for some reason. He says he’ll slam Yoko. That’s just amusing. I can’t get over how small he is.

It’s obvious that he’s going to lose here, but the interesting thing is how that happens. They mention that this arguably should have been Bret vs. Hogan, which it really should have been to give Hart the rub of all rubs that I feel cost Bret’s career. Considering I wrote out a huge thread on this before I’ll spare the details, but the main idea is that Bret never had that big defining win over a guy from the previous generation to make him seem like a legit guy.

It in turn hurt Shawn as Shawn’s bit rub was from Bret, which made Shawn look sort of weak. And think about it: they’re both considered more or less failures as draws and I can’t think of anyone that puts them on Hogan’s level or maybe even that of Savage, and to me this is because they never got that rub. Can you imagine how big of a star Bret would have been if Hogan gave up to the Sharpshooter or even just got pinned?

Even Savage would have been a huge deal. I’ve always thought Hogan didn’t do it because he knew Bret would wrestle circles around him but that’s neither here nor there. The problem to me was simply that Bret didn’t get the rub that he needed and a lot of it can be pointed at Hogan I think, but anyway. Hogan’s chest is flatter than Stacy Keibler’s.

Yoko is dominant for the most part here, with the main idea being that Hogan is just outmatched here by the size and power of Yoko. He hits some offense here and there as I’m somewhat reminded of Hogan vs. Andre, although nowhere near as cool or important. So after about the world’s longest bearhug this side of an Andre match, Hogan starts his comeback but STILL can’t slam him.

He Hulks Up though and actually hits the leg drop, but when it’s time for the adrenaline fueled slam attempt, a Japanese photographer (who may or may not have been Harvey Whippleman) jumps up on the apron to take a closeup of Hogan.

The camera explodes in his face which leads to the belly to belly and leg drop to crush Hulkamania dead. Yoko is the champion and Hogan wouldn’t be seen on WWF TV for almost 9 years. He would go to WCW in about 13 months and change wrestling forever, again. Hogan is taken out here, and Hulkamania is over.

Rating: C-. This really was little more than a squash. Yoko completely dominated here for about ten or eleven minutes out of thirteen. I don’t think they could have built him up any stronger than they did. Like I said, Hogan was gone and it was time for someone new to step up to face Yoko. Now the big question was who. All signs pointed to one of two people: Bret Hart or Crush.

Bret had already had his chance and was widely considered to be the best “wrestler” in the company, but I don’t think a ton of people would have bought Bret beating Yoko just because of the size difference. I think Vince thought that too so he realized a transitional guy was needed to act as a mediator between Hart and Yoko. Like I said, all signs pointed to it being Crush at this point.

Soon thereafter and it might have been the next night on Raw, Yoko and Fuji announced the bodyslam challenge on the 4th of July aboard the USS Intrepid where any and everyone could try to slam Yoko which Hogan couldn’t do. For the next 3 weeks, Crush went on a monster slamming spree, slamming every big man in the company with relative ease. Savage built him up beyond belief as well, and again, every single sign in the world pointed to Crush slamming Yoko and then challenging for the title.

We get to the 4th of July and no one can slam Yoko, and the final challenger is Crush. The people on board are so behind him it’s insane. However, he can’t do it despite getting closer than anyone else. Fuji declares the contest over, but a helicopter painted red white and blue approaches the ship to land. A Hogan chant breaks out and out walks the American Hero…Lex Luger.

Yes, Luger, who less than a month ago was a cocky self centered muscle head is now an AMERICAN self centered muscle head. He gets an ok slam on him as the crowd more or less accepts him. To this day, I have yet to see or hear or read an explanation as to why Vince made the last minute switch, because I can guarantee you that at some point and probably for a long period of time, Crush was the guy.

The only thing I could think of was Vince saw Luger as being more marketable or something, which again I think makes some sense. I can see where Vince would be coming from with that, so that’s fine. Anyway, Luger gets this HUGE push, including a bus that drives around the country more or less in a presidential campaign thing to get people to say he should get the title shot.

That happened at Summerslam, and in one of the biggest WTF moments in wrestling history, Luger wins by count out. Eventually he would co win the Rumble, but he never got the title. That to me has always been why he’s remembered so badly for his WWF run. The Patriot angle was completely obnoxious and over the top that it was too much, but if he had won the title it would have made up for it I think.

In the end, Hart beat Yoko himself instead of Luger, and for the life of me I don’t know why. I’ve never bought the bar story (Luger got drunk and told everyone in the bar the ending to Mania, which doesn’t work for me because with no internet back then or really anything like it, how far could that word have spread to really ruin the ending?

Today Vince gives away stories to arenas full of people at Smackdown tapings, so I just don’t buy that story). Anyway, this ended Hulkamania and sent him to WCW a year later, so there we are. I love tangents.

Shawn says he’ll keep his title. There’s a big tall guy in sunglasses behind him that’s referred to as Diesel. He’s literally been around a week at this point, as he debuted on the 6th and this is on the 13th. He showed up at a house show and got Shawn the IC Title back from Jannetty. I don’t know if he was at Raw or not but I would guess no since Raw was likely pretaped that week.

If he was it was in a vignette or something like that. Anyway, Shawn has been champion again for a week and he’s defending later tonight. Oh there’s a cool story about Nash joining the WWF. He had been Oz in WCW (yes, as in the character from the movie. Ted Turner had gotten the rights to air the film and wanted to promote it on WCW, so instead of doing something like just mentioning it he turned the future 6 time world champion into Oz and gave him a manager named Merlin the Wizard.

And people wonder why WCW went out of business. The character was around for about three months if you can believe that.) Anyway, one day he got a call from Shawn who was a friend of his or from a mutual friend of theirs or something like that, saying that there was a spot for him in WWF as a tough bodyguard character if he was interested.

Considering he was a mobster character named Vinnie Vegas, he obviously jumped at the offer. However, he needed to get out of his contract. He went up to his boss and said that he didn’t think wrestling was the right career for him anymore. His boss had been told to cut the budget anywhere he could, so this worked out perfect for both sides. Nash was in the WWF literally 48 hours later and won the Triple Crown within a year and a half. That’s just flat out awesome.

Yokozuna celebrates a lot and Fuji says I told you so.

Steiners/Smoking Guns vs. Money Inc./Headshrinkers

Well, talk about a tough act to follow. This is nothing but filler here as I don’t think there’s any kind of a point to this match other than to give the crowds a chance to restart their hearts. There’s no story here that I can think of other than you have two face teams and two heel teams going at it. The Guns are about as new as possible at this point.

Ross says he doesn’t want to disrespect this match, so therefore we’ll be lucky to hear who wins. It simply can’t be worse than WCW was though. I will never forget a match between Ultimo Dragon and Steven Regal where literally over the entire course of an eight minute match there was not a single mention of either guy or the match itself until the very end where Tony said 2, 3 (he missed the one) we have a new Television Champion!

Yes, in a match not only on television, not only a title match, but a match where the title CHANGED HANDS, thereby making history as Gorilla liked to say, we have eight minutes of people talking about the NWO and not a word about the two guys in the ring. That’s just pathetic. Anyway, rant over. Scotty and Ted start us up so there we are. To say Heenan is happy is an understatement.

Now remember, we’re NOT going to talk about Yoko and the title match out of respect here. If we don’t talk about them anymore I’m going to scream from hearing about them too much. Ross is at least talking about the match so there’s that. DiBiase beats on Billy and hooks the Dream. Heenan says that Billy is fading into obscurity. I have too many jokes to pick from here. Billy gets a roll up out of nowhere to get the pin and the big brawl starts to the Guns’ awful music.

Rating: C. Eh what do you expect here? This was six minutes of just filler and it’s the absolute best thing they could have done here. No one was going to care about anything after what they just saw, so there we are. This meant nothing at all and it wasn’t supposed to. The wrestling is about what you would expect at a house show, but it wasn’t horrible or anything. This was much more about giving the crowd a breather instead of a real match, and there’s not a thing wrong with that.

Intercontinental Title: Crush vs. Shawn Michaels

Total filler here as we need something to flesh out the card with. Crush was about to get the biggest push of his career which stopped dead one day but we’ll get to that later. Crush is in BRIGHT orange and yellow and purple. Maybe that’s why he didn’t get the big push.

Shawn has his famous music here as well as some monster named Diesel with him. This is his television debut as the Crush loving begins. We talk about who could slam Yokozuna which would become one of the most awesome moments in wrestling history. Shawn won the title 6 days prior to this (nice job having a house show on Raw night) so this is his first major defense.

Savage has a man crush on Crush. Shawn uses his speed here and snaps off a nice jab which looked good but didn’t ever do much. Kind of like Crush in a sense. He hits a pair of nice leap frogs and avoids Sweet Chin Music and is just showing off here. Heenan: “Remember a friend in need is a pest.”

Almost nothing but power from Crush here which is the best thing he can do here. Diesel saves Shawn when he’s in big trouble. Apparently Crush is the total package. Well if Luger isn’t using that gimmick why not Crush? Is that even a gimmick? Outside Diesel sends Crush into the post for Shawn to take over.

In a dangerous spot, Shawn slams the back of Crush’s head into the post. That isn’t something I’d expect to see again ever which is a good thing. Shawn, the genius that he is, won’t let the referee count Crush out when he would have easily gotten it. Double axe hits Crush and Savage can’t believe his man love is in trouble.

Every time Crush does something Savage decides that it means he can slam Yokozuna. I get that he’s supposed to push towards future angles but this is ridiculous. We start the final part here as Crush begins dominating. And here is an army of Doinks. Ok make that a pair. This angle just went on and on to no end. Shawn hits Chin Music to the back of Crush’s head to end it. He chases the clowns away.

Rating: C-. The hype for Crush begins, but for some reason it never finished. Even here they’re building up Crush as a possible world title contender. He certainly had the look and power, but again they never pulled the trigger. Shawn was just kind of waiting around on something to do. That would come soon enough.

It’s not a great match but it certainly isn’t that bad. For the life of me, I don’t get why they picked Luger of all people. Actually I do, but I don’t get why they built up Crush and then never went with anything. It was just odd.

King of the Ring Finals: Bret Hart vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bret more or less is being held together by duct tape at this point. They mention we might not have enough time to show the whole match, but since this isn’t WCW in 1998 that won’t happen. Apparently the winner “has to be” the #1 contender. Not really but whatever. Bigelow throws Bret over the ropes and Bret crashes onto the floor and Bret is dead. This might as well be named the Bret Hart Appreciation Match as it’s just the announcers talking about how injured he is and how he’s so brave.

Egads even I’m sick of it already and we’re 4 minutes into this. Oh but as courageous as he is, he’s destined to lose apparently. So Bigelow more or less gets away with murder here as Bret is just completely gone. They go to the floor and after a mini Bret comeback, the power is too much and he’s left on the floor for awhile. Luna comes out with a chair and I think hits him with it.

It was more like she was waving it at him to give him a breeze as she barely swung at all. Anyway, Bigelow comes out and gets him and the headbutt…gives Bigelow the win? Yeah, he actually got the pin on Bret who looked like road kill at this point. HOWEVER, since Bret put up such a tough try, another referee picks now to have his first time ever to come out and say that there was interference.

We’ll overlook the fact that Bret was dead and the headbutt was what beat him anyway for the sake of having a story. Since the referee, Earl Hebner in this case, like Bret so darn much, he sends him back into the match to get assaulted even more. So we restart the thing. Oh Fink messed up and said the decision was reversed but of course that was waved off. The announcers say the decision should be reversed and Bret should have just won anyway so there we are.

Bobby says Bret is going to need five new limbs. Thanks Bobby. Hart’s selling here is insanely awesome here. He actually hits a belly to back suplex which looked good all things considered. Oh look: Bret is getting beaten up even worse than before. He keeps surviving even longer though, eventually managing to throw Bigelow over the ropes.

Bret, despite having had his teeth kicked in all night, busts out a pescado as I’m impressed. He initiates the ending sequence but Bigelow powers out of the Sharpshooter. Bret hooks a victory roll though, an amazingly gets the pin as the place goes insane. That was a cool performance.

Rating: B+. This is all Hart here. I know there’s not a lot in the summary, but that was nearly a 20 minute match. Hart was selling like a salesman out there and made Bigelow look awesome. For some reason Bigelow never did anything of note other than feud with Doink soon after this which was always odd to me. Either way, the match here was intriguing to say the least as Bret sells himself to death. Granted the restart was kind of stupid and I’m not sure why they did it but it was fine either way.

It’s coronation time. I love how Savage and Heenan have both been either the King or managed two kings before, yet they proclaim this the first time. Have to love the way you can change history on the drop of a hat like that. Jerry Lawler comes up and says that he’s the real king and challenges Bret, who calls him a coward for not even entering.

Jerry of course beats the tar out of Bret, including a few shots with the scepter that legit injured Bret’s back. The beatdown ends the show, so yes, Lawler reigns supreme to end a WWF PPV.

Overall Rating: B-. This isn’t so much a solid show but a solid Bret Hart performance. The whole thing is about him and that’s just fine. He completely dominated the show and the fans ate it up. Obviously the other big thing is that whole Hogan is gone for nearly 10 years aspect but why mention something that’s not important?

This might as well have been the Bret Hart PPV, and in reality it was. Either way, this made Bret somehow seem more legit than his world title reign which I’m not sure how that works. Anyway, the show was good and Bret looked awesome. This was a fun way to introduce the show and the blockbuster in the middle helped a lot as well. Check it out if you have time as it’s not bad at all.

 

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