Monday Nitro #227
Date: February 14, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 8,160
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

It’s SuperBrawl week and you can see most of the card at this point. If you hurry, you can still cover your eyes before your face melts like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The big stories tonight are Hogan vs. Flair and Luger vs. Funk as they mix up the big matches before Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the recent events. That’s one of the best ideas they could have had as it’s so difficult to keep awake during the shows these days.

The opening sequence cuts Madden off. I like it more already.

We get a second recap. As usual, it’s overkill around here.

Here’s the NWO, which is now Jarrett, the Twins and the girls of the week. The girls are sent away and this is already less interesting. They remind us that it’s six days until SuperBrawl (old school tactic of making sure you know how long before the show instead of just saying “at this show”. I like the old way better) before Jeff goes into his “they’re all against me” speech. Jarrett is the natural born champion and is going to be leaving San Francisco with the title.

Nash comes on the screen and says the only stroke Jarrett has is in his single wide back in Nashville. Jarrett cuts him off and threatens to break David Penzer’s neck if they don’t cut Nash’s feed off. This makes Nash serious and there goes the feed. Jeff says the acting commissioner (he was stripped of that last week) is winning on Sunday but here’s Nash in a wheelchair (Madden: “He’s not an outsider. He’s an Ironsider!”) to interrupt.

Nash may have had to have his foot rebuilt (so that’s why he’s out) but it still fits in Jarrett’s censored. Since Jarrett didn’t beat Hall last week, it’s going to be a three way at SuperBrawl. Jeff can get Sid tonight, non-title. So the WWF was stealing the idea of having the regular triple threat Wrestlemania main event on Raw before adding one more person at the big show? No wonder that show was horrible. If Jeff needs Nash, he’ll be in the back playing with his nurses.

The announcers run down a pretty stacked card.

Luger, Liz and Flair arrive together. Flair is WAY too excited to be in New York. Lex’s San Antonio Spurs shirt is a nice cheap heat device.

Norman doesn’t like 2XS’ clothes but Lane and Idol think the rats will love them.

3 Count is in the ring and talks about how they’ve been getting a lot of entries in their contest for a dream date. It’s time to dance but Norman cuts them off again. He really needs to stop doing that.

Lane/Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count

Handicap match. Norman is wearing an Islanders jersey to keep up his cheap pops and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lane gets jumped as he comes in and Shannon spinwheel kicks Norman to the floor. A moonsault puts him down again, so Lane moonsaults (mostly connecting) onto both of them. Helms and Karagias hit dives of their own, even though they mainly hit their own partners.

Back in and Lana hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Moore as Miss Hancock comes out for commentary, instantly showing more charisma than any woman in this company save for maybe Madusa. She says 2XS never should have gotten rid of her because they don’t know what they’re missing. Helms poses in the ring after a splash but Lana fights out of a double team. Norman gets the tag for the swinging slam on Moore and does the dance but there’s dance music playing in the arena.

Hancock takes her hair down and gets up on the table (with the camera panning up to show her)…..and now let’s watch the match as Tony tells us about her dancing. Finally the director regains his sanity and focuses Hancock with the match in the background before she casually hops down and walks off, leaving Charles Robinson stunned that he misses Evan tapping to the Norman’s Conquest.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but also completely not the point here. This was all about establishing Miss Hancock as the new big thing and it was easy to see why. It’s a very simple formula: take a gorgeous blonde with incredibly long legs and have her dance on a table during an uninteresting match. There isn’t much more to it and there doesn’t need to be.

3 Count performs again. Even Madden is sick of them by this point.

Back from a break and they’re still at it, so here’s Tank Abbott to clean house.

Meng and Big Al “talk” in the back.

Tank Abbott vs. Rick Fuller

33 seconds, Fuller is out cold. If nothing else, we’re told that Al is Abbott’s former bodyguard from UFC.

Earlier today, Abbott talked about being the toughest fighter in UFC. His record was secondary to hurting people and that makes him all the more deadly. This brings him to Big Al, who doesn’t get what Abbott is doing here. Therefore, there needs to be a skins match at SuperBrawl, meaning a leather jacket on a pole match. So Abbott is just fighting a guy named Al who used to be a bodyguard and may or may not be a wrestler. How does this thing actually get a story?

Jeff Jarrett is on the phone and demands that his match is for the title.

Prince Iaukea is ready for his match with Psychosis on Wednesday. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy. I’m going to make you my next hit.” I hate to admit it, but Psycho Sexy is kind of an awesome name.

Vampiro/Kidman vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea/La Parka

You would think Psychosis would be Prince’s partner here. Prince gets double teamed during his entrance and a four way brawl starts us off. We settle down to Vampiro vs. La Parka and it’s an awkward sequence to start as Prince knees Vampiro in the back but Vampiro doesn’t sell it, only to stop in place so La Parka can chop him. Vampiro throws La Parka to the floor and hits a suicide dive, only to have Prince slam him down to take over. Back in and Prince dives into a raised boot but Kidman has to go break up Torrie vs. Paisley. Vampiro tags Kidman in and walks out, leaving Prince to hit the middle rope DDT for the pin.

Rating: C. Nice little match here but again it was designed to be angle advancement instead of a big match. Kidman taking a fall is never a good thing, but at least it’s setting up a match…which we’ve recently seen twice. La Parka was a pretty random partner for Prince but at least it wasn’t the obvious pick.

Nash says the main event will indeed be a title match.

The Mamalukes show up to Vito’s sister’s wedding. Post break, Vito gives his sister the down payment on a house.

Rhonda Singh vs. Mona

Singh comes out to Chris Jericho’s old theme which is probably an unfunny rib. Oklahoma comes out before the bell and gets in a speech about revitalizing the women’s division. Madusa is going to be guest referee for this match as Tony explains the storyline since it’s oh so complex. Singh shoves Mona down to start and hits a running splash in the corner. A chest bump puts Mona down again and Madusa ignores the covers. Mona’s missile dropkick gets two so she tries a sunset flip but Oklahoma grabs the hands. Madusa kicks it away and gets punched down by Singh, who sits on Mona for the pin, counted by Oklahoma.

Post match Singh kisses Oklahoma, which is just so totally funny that I almost need to pause things to catch up on my laughing.

Vito’s family gets on him for spitting too much.

Flair calls Hogan an easy win and brags about his association with Luger and Liz.

Total Package vs. Terry Funk

Funk sneaks up on him during the entrance and throws some weak left handed punches as Madden talks about the Screen Actors’ Guild. They head outside with Luger nailing a clothesline but Funk puts him down and loads up a table. Liz offers a distraction (better than offering a ball bat shot), allowing Luger to slam him through the table. Fans: “ECW! ECW! ECW!” I’d pay so much money to see Luger in ECW. Back in and Luger works on the spine with forearms and a suplex for no cover. A low blow breaks up the Rack and a DDT gets two. Funk’s moonsault hits chair and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. Egads man. These matches are killing shows to a better degree than the Hogan main events of the late 80s could ever hold to do. Funk is trying but there’s a limit to what he can do with someone as interesting as Luger. Neither guy looked like they were trying and that cripples anything they could have done.

The main event is a title match. A US Title match. It’s about time.

Daphne and David Flair crash the reception and destroy a cake.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat vs. Crowbar/David Flair

Mamalukes are defending, after trading the titles with the Harris Twins over in Germany over the weekend. It’s another brawl in the aisle to start but Crowbar kicks Vito square in the belt, which Vito sells for some reason. The champs fight back and four guys brawl in the ring at the same time. Thankfully Big T. is in a singlet to hide his gut but it can only do so much good.

They settle down to Harlem Heat working over Vito in the corner. We waste time as Madden talks about growing up with Harlem Heat in New York until Vito kicks T. down to take over. It’s quickly off to Stevie vs. Crowbar as this match is all over the place yet still uninspiring stuff. Vito breaks up a cover on Crowbar off Stevie’s Slapjack but David hits Stevie with the crowbar to give Vito the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. How do you have a triple threat tag match and make it this boring? Other than 2XS, is this the entire division? Now I’m supposed to want to watch Flair/Crowbar vs. the Mamalukes on Sunday? Or Booker vs. Big T. again for the rights to Harlem Heat? There are some good things on this show and this really isn’t one of them.

The Mamalukes get beaten up some more post match, including weapons shots from the crazy guys. More time is spent on a stretcher job and the wedding (which is taking place at the arena…..why?) freaks out.

Kanyon thinks Hollywood is a lot more awesome than New York, and he knows that Dustin Rhodes is a horrible actor.

Vito gets off the stretcher and yells a lot.

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

Bigelow is defending. Wall throws in a ladder at the bell but the champ weapons him down, only to miss the top rope headbutt. It’s table time but Bigelow kicks it into Wall’s face, knocking Wall down like a ton of bricks. Back in and Wall whacks Bigelow in the head with some trashcan lids but takes way too long to go to the middle rope. Wall is sent through the table and Greetings From Asbury Park retains Bigelow’s title.

Rating: D. You know all the hardcore matches we’ve seen in recent weeks? This one had Bam Bam Bigelow and the Wall.

Knobbs comes in for a beatdown on Bigelow to give him an advantage on Sunday. Wall gets back up and chokeslams Bigelow. That’s quite the champion.

The Mamalukes want an Italian stretcher match against Flair and Crowbar on Sunday.

The Nitro Girls do a Valentine’s Day routine.

Kanyon vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin breaks up Kanyon’s entrance to continue a running trend tonight. They head outside with Kanyon chasing the referee around, only to eat a bulldog back inside. Shattered Dreams and a Boss Man Slam are enough for the pin on Kanyon in roughly a minute. That’s Kanyon’s last match on TV for over two months.

Hogan threatens to bury Luger if he tries to interfere tonight.

Gene talks to “Booker T.”, who likes the Leave it to Beaver music because it keeps him motivated.

Booker vs. The Demon

Midnight is gone and probably isn’t coming back. Spin kick, ax kick, 110^th Street Slam and Demon keeps losing. Madden says that’s the first time we’ve seen Demon taken apart because he doesn’t pay attention. Or maybe he’s just stupid.

Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

This is billed as a big match in New York. The fans chant for Hogan as he easily shoves Flair out of the corner. This is going to be 1994 all over again isn’t it? Some shoulders put Flair on the floor and it’s time for a breather. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect here and a clothesline puts Flair on the floor again. Hogan slugs away even more on the outside but Flair hits him low and starts in on the knee. Flair gets a quick and bad looking Figure Four but Hogan turns it over for the break.

Ric gets slammed off the top but the knee goes out again to keep Flair in it. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect for the second time in this match and it’s mini Hulk Up time. The Flair Flip sets up a suplex so Ric begs off. Hulk slugs away even more but eats a foreign object to the face. Hart takes the same and now it’s full Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects but Luger comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I can’t give Hogan vs. Flair doing the classics a horrible grade. I know it wasn’t a very good match but how do you not enjoy this just for nostalgia alone? It’s kind of amazing that they really did just do the same thing they’ve done so many times and expect people to care about it but that’s WCW for you.

Funk comes in for a failed save but don’t worry, because Hogan can fight off the greatest odds in the history of great odds. Hogan poses but Luger comes back out with the ball bat to knock Hogan in the head. Now it’s Hogan’s turn to get Pillmanized.

Sid thinks Jarrett having to defend the title is hilarious.

Here’s Ernest Miller because this show can’t just end. James Brown is here and never mind because here’s Maestro to say that he and his piano are the stars of the show. A fight starts in the aisle and never mind because the production team isn’t interested enough to let us watch it.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Jarrett is defending. Sid punches him down to start a few times before firing even more punches in the corner. I guess the fact that Jarrett is actually defending has screwed him up so much that he can’t remember the rest of his offense. They head outside with Sid bashing him in the head with a water bottle, which seems to wake Jeff up as he hammers away back inside.

A sleeper has Sid in trouble but he keeps one arm up to stay alive. Back up and Jeff dives into a low blow, followed by a big boot with Jarrett falling before any contact was made. The chokeslam looks to set up the powerbomb but we get a ref bump, allowing Jarrett to hit Sid with the belt for two because NO OLD PERSON WILL EVER GET PINNED. Jeff Strokes the referee but Sid breaks another one up and puts on the Crossface, drawing in the Harris Twins, allowing Jeff to hit the guitar shot for Mark Johnson to count the pin. Wow an old guy actually laid down, after two people interfered, a belt and guitar shot and a cheating referee.

Rating: F. This was the main event of the show and it took that much to beat Sid? Yeah he’s the World Champion but you could have done the exact same thing with one piece of the interference and, say, a handful of trunks. Jarrett is trying, but Jeff Jarrett in the main event isn’t going to work, especially with someone like Sid.

Overall Rating: F+. The worst part is there’s stuff in this show that has me somewhat interested. WCW has realized there’s a simple solution to getting energy into a segment and make it a lot easier to sit through: put a hot blonde out there. Yeah the opener was bad, but Stacy Keibler was dancing on a table. It’s difficult to not get at least a bit interested when that’s the backdrop. Kidman vs. Vampiro is a good story too, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.

Then…….well then there’s everything else. You have Ferrara continuing to humiliate the women because that’s all he’s good for and the Tag Team Titles being some of the most boring stuff since the days of Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck putting me to sleep back in 1995. We’re about to see the Mamalukes vs. the crazy guys for the fourth time for no particular reason. Add in the fight to sponsor Sesame Street and the midcard is a disaster for the most part.

Finally, and thank goodness for that, there’s the main event scene. Hogan and Flair have the charisma to pull off something like this, but Funk looks like he can barely throw a punch and Luger hasn’t been interesting in years. Therefore, these four are treated as the big attraction while Sid and Jarrett are left to feel like afterthoughts to the other four’s star power. On top of that, Hall was so drunk/high on a flight that he couldn’t get back home from Europe so he wasn’t even here for the show. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be interested in, but they need to find something quick.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Oh now this could be fun. So what we have here is a set of instructions given to the announcers from a few years back. It should be VERY interesting to see some of these details and the rules/ideas they’re told to follow. I’ve read through the list and a lot of them aren’t worth commenting on, but there are some major points of interest. Check out the whole list as it’s interesting information that you will likely say “THANK YOU!” to more than once, but here are some highlights. All of the following are direct quotes.

Note that these are from 2011 at the latest so not everything is going to be completely up to date but it’s nothing out of the ordinary.  Here are the originals if you want to see them:

http://imgur.com/a/NW1WG#DWVb3Il

1. Play by play announcers cannot be emasculated by their broadcast partners.

WOW. They’re getting right to the hypocritical nature of this right off the bat. After all the time that we had to hear Cole rip on JR (even making it a recurring in ring segment), they actually told them beforehand to not emasculate their colleagues. Does Cole work on a different planet or something?

2. Announcers should rarely lead our fans. Let them decide for themselves if they like a Superstar or dislike him.

Yeah screw that face/heel stuff. I know Orton kissed HHH’s unconscious wife and lied about some mental disorder, but does that really make him a bad guy?

3. Announcers ARE NOT THE STARS.

I think we’ve covered this already but dang did they switch this up soon when Vince started liking Cole as Miz’s fanboy.

4. All announcers must read WWE.com every week.

That’s actually a really smart one. Announcers should sound like they know what they’re talking about and should be the experts guiding us through the shows. This is hammered in multiple times and is a very, very good idea.

5. Never assume the viewer watched last week’s broadcast or that they watch any of the other of the WWE brands.

This is one that a lot of big fans forget. Yeah we watch most of if not all of the shows, but there’s always someone flipping through the channels who might not have ever seen a wrestling show before. If they watch it and have no idea what’s going on, why would they keep watching? Get them hooked in and keep saying the details. You don’t have to recap everything, but “Owens has disrespected Cena week after week and Cena wants revenge” tells you almost everything you need to know about their feud in five seconds. Throwing in “Owens, on your left and Cena on your right” wouldn’t hurt either.

6. This is television, not radio. We don’t need to call every move a Superstar makes.

A-FREAKING-MEN! This used to drive me crazy about Joey Styles. I can see what’s going on and I don’t need to be told every single freaking thing that is going on. Cut that nonsense out.

7. DON’T SCREAM!

Yeah yeah yeah we know. You hate Jim Ross and think he was the worst thing ever. Let it go already.

8. Don’t call a move before it happens. If this is so predictable, why are we watching?

Dang Maggle. Steve Austin just kicked someone in the stomach and grabbed their head. You think he might be going for a snapmare next?

9. Our fans are always interested in what happens “in the locker room” or “away from the arena.”

Yes they are. What they’re not interested in is WWE trying to jack up their social media numbers by showing Ambrose walking around with the title on Instagram. Why you ask? BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE IS ON FREAKING INSTAGRAM AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA NUMBERS!

10. Humor is good when it is used in a timely fashion. We are there primarily to inform and entertain.

Wait….so this is Vince’s vision of NOT being funny? Who says that man is out of touch?

11. Do not use pronouns.

This is a rare occasion where speaking like Stephanie is a good thing. There’s nothing wrong with saying “Cena is in trouble” over and over, but you don’t have to use the proper names for everything.

12. Everyone hates being told what to think.

The hypocrisy here speaks for itself.

13. Nobody knows dates, everybody knows when “in two weeks”, “tomorrow”, etc is.

Yes, because everyone on the planet sees this show at the exact same time on the exact same day of the week right? Also, it doesn’t help when on Raw, you say a pay per view is in two weeks when it’s a week and six days. That’s not two weeks, no matter how many times you say it is. Yeah I know what you mean, but if someone is new at this, how do they know when it is? They’re watching this show on Monday, so why would they not think that a big show is going to be taking place in two weeks instead of a regular Raw? “Well that’s not how it works.” Really? It’s how NXT works. Why should a fan think Raw is different?

Words to Avoid

Belt/strap. This has been around for a long time and it’s still stupid. No one cares.

The business/our industry. Unless you’re HHH right?

War. Unless you’re HHH right?

Shot (no title shots). As I have said many times, WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT THIS???

Now for some memos.

Per Kevin Dunn: “Please never use the words “title changing hands” again. Titles are won or lost, they don’t change hands.”

As has been said time after time: Kevin Dunn is an idiot.

Sent by Steph: “Vince would like to reinforce to all announcers NOT to say “the referee didn’t see it” when the referee didn’t see an illegal action. It makes the product feel cheap, like we’re in grade school. It is ok to say “the referee’s vision was impaired”. Or “the referee’s vision was blocked”…

Cheap? How does this make it sound cheap? Or for that matter how does it make us sound like we’re in grade school?

The levels of micromanagement this company has astounds me. I mean, not being able to say a referee didn’t see something? That’s the biggest worry they have? I can easily see why no one wants to stick around on this job and I continue to praise Cole’s ability to not put a gun in his mouth.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 6, 2015
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The big story coming out of last week: product placement and lame action. The shows really aren’t lighting the world on fire right now, but a lot of that has to do with a lack of the Authority and Brock, because without the two of them, them show comes off as a glorified Smackdown. Get to the point already or get rid of the Authority as the main focus of the show because otherwise, a show without them on it isn’t going to go anywhere. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap covers last week’s product placement and Rollins reuniting the team.

We open with Heyman and Lesnar coming out to the exact reaction you would expect for them in a smark paradise like Chicago. Heyman talks about how the Authority thinks Brock is still in Tokyo, because they allowed him to show up tonight. Lesnar is a god and hallowed be his name, but he isn’t a god of love or charity or kindness. No, Lesnar is a god of violent retribution and the sword that will pierce Seth Rollins’ shield.

Heyman brings up the Streak but points out that it wasn’t because of any malice towards Undertaker. Heyman: “This one you’ll cheer.” When Brock took John Cena to Suplex City, it was just because Lesnar wanted the title and not out of disrespect. The same was true for Reigns at Wrestlemania, but it’s not the case for Seth Rollins.

No, Rollins has broken the 11^th commandment by cashing in Money in the Bank, running away from a rematch and having his Authority buddies attack him two weeks ago. Heyman’s job is to sell us on Battleground in St. Louis, but the beatings and the suplexes begin tonight in Chicago. The Beast of Battleground is waiting for the champ tonight, so Rollins better be ready.

Kane is in Hawaii and we have badly photoshopped and unfunny photos to prove it.

The Stooges have taken a road trip and we’re going to get pictures later. That…..could work?

Big Show vs. Ryback

Non-title and Miz is at ringside in director’s chair with a microphone. In an inset interview, Ryback says he is one of the few who can manhandle Big Show and Big Show doesn’t like that. Well not many people would but Ryback never was very insightful. Miz starts shouting into the mic but only tells the big guys to hit each other.

The fans really don’t seem pleased with this one and Show chops Ryback in the corner. Miz: “ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!” Ryback kicks him in the face a few times but Show knees Ryback into the corner. This is a very slow and lumbering match so far which isn’t a great choice for the opening match. Miz distracts Ryback so Show can slam him down as we take a break.

Back with Show holding a leg lock and Miz telling Show that he should never retire (WOO!). Ryback powers out and takes out the knee as well before dropping Show with three straight shoulders. The Meat Hook and a splash get two but the top rope version misses. Show hits a chokeslam and middle rope elbow, drawing in Miz for the double DQ (he was smart enough to hit them both at once) at 9:24.

Rating: D-. I have tried and tried to defend this three way feud but my goodness Big Show is dragging it down. Ryback is trying to become a more interesting character but there’s only so much you can do with Big Show as the power moves against him look cool, but once you’ve seen them a few times (over the last fifteen years or so) they lose a lot of their impact. Let him do comedy again or something, because Show as the big, strong monster is WAY past its expiration date.

Miz attacks both guys and then begs both guys to wait for Battleground. Ignore the large gap behind him where he could run at any time of course. Miz takes a Shell Shock and chokeslam and another Meat Hook drops Show again. At least the champ stood tall.

More Kane hysterics.

The Stooges went to Wrigley Field and weren’t impressed. They could at least take the price sticker off the window. That car better bite the dust before the end of the night.

Brie Bella vs. Paige

Paige gets backdropped to the apron to start and the announcers are already on the amount of days Nikki has held the title. So we’re just stuck with nothing interesting until we get to AJ because Nikki is interesting or something.  Nikki: “BRIE MODE!” You can hear the crowd dying for this one, which could be because this story hasn’t changed in weeks now. Fox gets in a cheap shot but Brie knees down her sister/friend at the same time by mistake. Paige sidesteps the middle rope dropkick ala Samoa Joe but the other girls get involved, setting up the Bella Buster for the pin at 3:12.

Rating: D. This story needs to go somewhere already, and by somewhere I don’t mean having Naomi and Tamina come in to help Paige. This story has been set up for something major and the same Divas being rotated in one more time certainly isn’t it. The Bellas are long past interesting at this point and while Nikki is better than she was, this story needs a rest but we’re pretty much confirmed for the next few months because AJ MUST DIE or something.

Paige gets beaten up post match.

Recap of Wyatt vs. Reigns from last week.

Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

Get your countouts ready now. Reigns shoves the briefcase out of Sheamus’ hands before we start and the brawl is on with a devastating headlock. Sheamus knees him in the ribs to take over but Reigns pulls him off the middle rope and knocks Sheamus outside. They’re still firmly in first power gear at this point.

Sheamus actually wins a slugout on the apron and sends Reigns face first into the post as we go to a break. That looked (and sounded) good at least. Back with Sheamus holding a chinlock and a nice loud CM PUNK chant keeping the crowd from being bored. Reigns’ best way around this is a bunch of clotheslines, followed by a BIG clothesline in the corner. Feel the intensity!

The Irish Curse is countered and a Samoan drop connects. The Superman Punch is countered into another Irish Curse for two but Reigns Superman Punches him out of the air….and here’s Bray. Roman charges up the ramp and Superman Punches….somebody, as Bray pops up on the screen and says anyone but you. Sheamus wins by countout at 11:20.

Rating: C. Decent enough power brawl here but like I said, it was no secret that we were going to get a countout or some kind of wonky finish. It wasn’t anything of note, but there’s only so much you can do with power brawls, especially when we just had one about forty minutes ago. WWE REALLY needs to work on alternating their styles because you keep getting the same styles of matches over and over and they get old fast.

Post match Randy Orton comes out for an RKO. I had been wondering where he was.

The WWE Network is in Italy. Uh….yay.

Rollins comes in to see HHH, who wants to know what Seth is going to do about Brock Lesnar. The champ thinks he has Battleground in the bag, but HHH is worried about tonight. Rollins needs to do the unthinkable tonight: have him laid out by the Authority like they did two weeks ago. To be fair, that is pretty unthinkable. Imagine the Stooges and Rollins being a real threat to Brock.

Here are Rusev and Summer Rae to keep this mess going. Rusev loves having a submissive Summer around but gets annoyed at the fans wanting Lana. He rambles on about being better than Dolph Ziggler until Summer tells the fans to give Rusev the respect he deserves. Rusev: “Thank you hot Summer.” Is she a radio chick now?

Cue Ziggler and Lana with the former saying Rusev achieved everything he has in WWE because of Lana. Dolph says Lana is his now and it’s time for kisses. The girls tease a fight but Rusev blasts Ziggler with the crutch before taking off the boot. This goes on for nearly five minutes with the only highlight being Summer attacking Lana. Ziggler’s comeback didn’t work and the beating just kept going.

This was WAY too long and my goodness Ziggler sucks in this role. After all the years of being with whatever girl can get him somewhere he’s all gaga over yet another good looking blonde because…..she likes him? Is there any other reason for these two to be together? Rusev needs to murder Ziggler and then do something bad to Lana and then never speak of this whole mess again.

Post break they actually do the big serious talk about Ziggler being attacked. Ziggler even did a stretcher job. This story SUCKS and there is no need to ever talk about it again. Figure out how your characters work and then don’t screw with them because going against established characters is one of the worst things you can do in wrestling or any other form of entertainment.

Bo Dallas vs. Dean Ambrose

Before the match, Dallas talks about how that was a bad thing happening to a bad person. Good things happen to people like him though, as long as you BOLIEVE! The dueling WE BOLIEVE/LET’S GO AMBROSE chants start up as Bo gets two off a clothesline before hitting the chinlock. Bo misses a knee drop and gets bulldogged down, setting up Dirty Deeds for the pin at 2:59. This was WWE saying “yeah Ambrose is still a thing after losing Thursday. Oh you didn’t know he lost Thursday? Well then never mind.”

The Stooges got stuck in traffic. Seriously.

R-Truth vs. King Barrett

No entrance for either guy as this feud just keeps going. Barrett stomps him down in the corner to start and a clothesline takes them out to the floor. Truth is sent into the post a few times and we hit the chinlock. A big boot gets two for Barrett and we take a break. Oh freaking joy we get to see more of this match. Barrett hammers away but runs into a series of clotheslines (WAY too popular tonight and in general). Winds of Change is countered into a crucifix for two but a low blow drops Truth. Truth goes up and dives into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 9:37.

Rating: D. So? Barrett has knocked Truth out a few times already, so what difference does it make if he does it again? Why should this horribly uninteresting feud that has made Barrett look even less important than he was when he was Intercontinental Champion? Barrett could be doing ANYTHING else and it would be better but we’re stuck with this. The match was boring too, just like everything else they’ve done.

Back from a break with another look at Ziggler being beaten down. This is treated as way too big of a deal after the mess they’ve made of this feud.

Here’s Rollins with an ax handle and the Stooges with their car and their own ax handles. Oh come on man. No one could possibly be that stupid. Rollins is going to burn Suplex City to the ground before going on about how awesome he is a bit longer. He finally asks if Lesnar is just Heyman’s….uh….I think you can figure this out, so here’s Brock. All three are ready for him so Brock thinks better of it and tells Heyman to bring him something. Heyman brings over an anvil case containing a pair of axes. Oh this is going to be good.

Brock smashes the ax into the car door and can’t even get it out, so he breaks a few windows and tears off a door. The door goes flying into the crowd (apparently hitting a fan, who was ok) and now it’s time for the Stooges to come save their car. Noble winds up with a broken arm and Mercury gets suplexed onto the hood, much to the delight of the crowd. Brock chases Rollins out of the ring and holds up the title to wrap things up.

THIS is what Brock should have been doing for the last six months. Just have him break stuff and be a freak of nature. Don’t have him get beaten down by Kane and the Stooges like EVERY OTHER FACE EVER. That was the problem with the HHH feud: anyone could have played Lesnar’s role. Here, there isn’t anyone else that Rollins hasn’t already beaten or has any real reason to be afraid of anymore so only Brock really fits.

Lucha Dragons vs. New Day

Woods is the odd man out here and the Players are on commentary, with a shirt for Cole. The Dragons speed things up to start but Kofi comes back with a kick to the ribs (devastating!) before it’s off to Big E. Titus goes on about some kind of fungus that Big E. has (maybe he could use a washcloth to clean it up. It didn’t make sense when they said it for weeks on end (and yes I know what it is) so why not say it again here?) before the Dragons clean house and dive on all three New Day guys as we take a break.

Back with Kofi getting two on Kalisto before it’s off to Big E. for more clubbing forearms. The abdominal stretch with the slaps set up a chinlock from Kofi as we hear about where everyone went to college. The hot tag brings in Cara and Titus takes over on commentary, doing a pretty awesome old school play by play, including a quick rant about how he should have JBL’s salary. Everything breaks down and the Midnight Hour ends Cara at 10:16.

Rating: C. This was fine and a nice way to set up the title match at Battleground. Neither of these teams are exactly lighting the world on fire at the moment but it’s nice to see something other than the team fighting over and over again. Titus continues to be WAY more charismatic than half the roster and deserves the success he’s having.

Steve Austin is on the cover of WWE2K16.

It’s Open Challenge time but first we get a package on Owens losing the NXT Title in Tokyo over the weekend. Cena says have no fear because the champ is here, meaning there will be a title match right here on Raw. Again Owens interrupts and says this is the worst part of the show every week because the people have to listen to Cena saying the same garbage over and over again. The bell is about to ring but here’s Cesaro one more time. Cesaro says he deserves another shot because he had Cena ready to tap out but Owens cost him the title shot. Owens walks away from the threat of violence and it’s time for a rematch.

US Title: Cesaro vs. John Cena

Cena is defending of course. A quick uppercut puts Cena down on the floor and we take a very early break. Stop doing that nonsense and just have the bell after the break. We got maybe 40 seconds of “action” and then miss three and a half minutes. I hate that way of thinking. Back with Cesaro stomping away as he almost has to play the heel here, even though he’s turned face for all intents and purposes.

A one arm delayed vertical suplex with a squat gets two but Cena shrugs it off (because it’s a suplex) and drops Cesaro with a front face electric chair drop. The AA is countered into a DDT for two and it’s off to the chinlock. That’s good for a second commercial in about five minutes of actual match time because they’re really trying to fill in time. Back with Cesaro catching Cena’s shoulder in a backbreaker and countering the Shuffle with a crossface.

That’s countered into an AA attempt but Cena has to settle for the STF instead. A rope is grabbed so Cesaro rolls some gutwrench suplexes for two of his own. That was a cool looking spot, as always. Cena blocks the Swing by doing a big situp into a DDT for two of his own and the fans are starting to buy into this. Cena rolls through a cross body into the AA but Cesaro lands on his feet.

Swiss Death is countered into a hurricanrana for two and both guys are down. The fans officially think this is awesome so they’ve won over one of the tougher crowd. Cesaro makes it even more awesome with a spinning springboard uppercut for an even closer two. They fall to the floor with Cena backdropping him into the timekeeper’s area but the referee takes his time counting. Well to be fair that’s not really a main event level finish so you can’t go there again.

Cena shoves Cesaro off the top for two off the Fameasser and then tells him to hold the ropes, which Cesaro does to counter another AA. A HUGE Swiss Death connects for two more but a quick AA gets the same. Both guys are spent so Cesaro is able to grab the Swing, setting up the Sharpshooter which he transitions into another crossface, but Cena slips out and puts on the STF.

Cesaro powers out of THAT and lifts Cena up into the air for a snap suplex. That is just scary, scary power. The Springboard Stunner misses so badly that Cesaro just Neutralizes Cena for two instead of going down. Cena’s tornado DDT is stopped in midair and Cesaro slaps him down into another crossface, sending Cena into the ropes for a chorus of boos.

The apron superplex (with EASE) gets two but Cena pops back up and floats over into a Batista Bomb (the sign of Cena being desperate) for a sloppy two, as called out by the announcers. Cena takes him to the corner but almost gets caught in a super Neutralizer, only to be countered into a super AA to retain the title at a mind blowing 30:10.

Rating: A-. Yo Vince, I think the guy can connect to the fans. Cesaro is basically where Dolph Ziggler was a few years ago: having really entertaining matches but never being able to show what else he can do because he’s never given the chance. Cesaro is one of the rare cases where he nails every single thing he’s asked to do and almost everyone is begging for him to move up to the next level, but something about a superhuman freak with a good look who can speak five languages fluently and has nearly fifteen years experience doesn’t click with Vince and for some reason the guy never gets the push he deserves.

At least there was this though, which is somehow better than last week’s near classic. Cena and Cesaro are guys with incredible chemistry and yet another example of someone going out there and having maybe the match of their lives against Cena. I’m hoping that when Cena retires, people look back at him in awe because this is a once in a generation kind of talent and we take him for granted.

Owens runs in and eats an AA to close the show.

Overall Rating: C. It took a lot to bail this show out but thankfully the main event is awesome and eats up well over half an hour to close things out. Other than that and the awesome BROCK SMASH segment, there really wasn’t much to see here. The wrestling in the first hour was horribly lame and the Rusev vs. Ziggler stuff has to end with Ziggler getting eaten like a Russian stew or the whole thing is an even bigger disaster than I was expecting. The main event leaves this on a very positive note, but there’s a lot for it to overcome here.

Results

Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double DQ when Miz interfered

Brie Bella b. Paige – Bella Buster

Sheamus b. Roman Reigns via countout

Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds

John Cena b. Cesaro – Middle rope Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

I’m still in England so Raw should be up tomorrow.  Use this thread to discuss whatever happens and come up with your own ways to blame the Authority for Raw sucking.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 6, 2015
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The big story coming out of last week: product placement and lame action. The shows really aren’t lighting the world on fire right now, but a lot of that has to do with a lack of the Authority and Brock, because without the two of them, them show comes off as a glorified Smackdown. Get to the point already or get rid of the Authority as the main focus of the show because otherwise, a show without them on it isn’t going to go anywhere. Let’s get to it.

And that’s not good.

Something I didn’t get around to reporting last week was that the ratings for Raw were a disaster (come on guys you can watch even though your boss is gone). Here’s the thing though: it really isn’t hard to figure out why. The problem is, and I hate to admit it, the Authority wasn’t around. WWE has pretty much made it clear that if they’re not around then Raw is basically a glorified Smackdown.

Yeah stuff might happen, but it’s either wrapped up later in the night and barely mentioned again, or completely erased by the Authority. The show has turned into everyone dancing around to entertain HHH and Stephanie as they get to ignore almost all character motivation and logic for the sake of keeping themselves looking good.

The fans know that if the Authority isn’t around, big stuff isn’t happening and they’re much better off going to bed or doing something else and checking the results later, because three hours of mediocre wrestling (and a John Cena match), uninteresting stories and Rollins trying to figure out if he’s his own man or needs to buy the rest of the team presents to save him from some big bad isn’t enough to hook you in all night. WWE can change this line of thinking pretty easily, but it’s been proven before that they’re not very interested in getting Stephanie and HHH off TV that easily and I can’t imagine it happens anytime soon.

With a wrestler!  From Progress Wrestling, Bodyguy Johnson.

http://mightynorcal.podbean.com/e/wwp-episode-17-the-day-has-finally-come-professional-wrestler-bodyguy-johnson-from-progress-wrestling-joins-us-to-give-insight-into-going-from-fan-to-wrestler/

Ring of Honor
Date: July 1, 2015
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: King Corino, Kevin Kelly

We’re finally past the Global Wars stuff so it’s time for something actually Ring of Honor instead of a co-promoted show. Therefore tonight….it’s War of the Worlds, which is another Ring of Honor/New Japan co-promoted show from before Global Wars took place. They’re entertaining, but I’m more interested in their storylines instead of shows from two months ago. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Kelly promises fallout from Best in the World next week, meaning it’s FINALLY a new, all ROH show.

Addiction vs. Gedo/Kazuchika Okada

Addiction’s ROH World Tag Team Titles aren’t on the line, but they do insist on being called the World Tag Team Champions of the World. Gedo and Okada are part of the Chaos stable. Kaz and Gedo get things going with Gedo firing off some Flip Flop and Fly (with the punches missing) before it’s off to Okada vs. Daniels. The fans are split but Okada wins some points by teasing a big chop to the chest but stopping to gently pat him.

Gedo books his team into control with a poke to the eye but it’s quickly back to Kaz. The Addiction screws up to give Gedo a rollup (with tights) for two. At least Gedo is showing some personality here. He’s one of those guys where I just don’t get it so this is a mild improvement. Back from a break with Kaz putting Gedo in a freaky arm/leg hold but Daniels shoves the referee and almost gets in a fight with him, which might be an homage to Tommy Young boxing with Jim Cornette back in the day.

A top rope stomp to the chest gets two on Gedo but he grabs a quick Downward Spiral, finally allowing the hot tag to Okada. House is cleaned and the White Noise onto the knee gets two. Some double teaming slows Okada down until a double cross body gives us a breather. Back to Gedo for a jawbreaker and low superkick for two but Celebrity Addiction (belly to back into a gutbuster) is enough for the pin on Gedo at 14:41.

Rating: C+. This is where I get tired of Ring of Honor fans. The match was really nothing all that great, but Gedo and Okada are from Japan so the fans are going to act like this was one of the most amazing things they’ve ever seen. Yeah it was fine, but it was just a run of the mill tag match. Okada has his moments of awesome, but Gedo is just a guy for the most part.

Daniels takes the Rainmaker post match, and it’s still just a clothesline.

Adam Page vs. Watanabe

This is joined in progress. Watanabe takes him down with a neckbreaker and backdrops Page to the floor. Page backflips out of a German on the floor to prevent a broken….well probably multiple brokens, and a Colby Corino distraction lets Page mostly miss a shooting star off the apron. Back in and Page breaks up a half and half suplex but gets caught in a belly to back superplex. I’m still waiting on anything but a spot fest here. My suspicions are confirmed as Page hits his Right of Passage reverse piledriver for the pin at 4:54 shown.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. This is another good example of the problem with these shows: who are these people and why should I care? If you don’t follow New Japan, there’s very little reason to care about what these people are doing. I know both guys are young stars, but that’s about all I know of either guy. You could have any guy fill that role, and that’s not a good sign. The match certainly wasn’t bad, but I have no connection or reason to care about either guy and that hurts a lot.

AJ Styles vs. Adam Cole

Styles’ IWGP World Title isn’t on the line. They shove each other around and run their mouths a bit to start before Cole cranks on a weak armbar. Styles shrugs it off and comes back with an AA into a backbreaker to take over. A seated version of the Superman forearm (minus the springboard) gets two and the drop down into the dropkick sends Cole to the floor and us to a break. Back with Cole hitting a nice wheelbarrow suplex onto the apron for the first really cool spot of the match.

A knee to the face gets two for Cole and we hit the chinlock. Cole spits on the commentators and flips off the fans (censored) but AJ will have none of that and comes back with a torture rack powerbomb for two of his own. Corino thinks AJ is sexy. Ok then. Cole’s recently injured shoulder is sent into the corner but he superkicks AJ out of the air for two more. We hit the Figure Four and Corino is in full on fanboy mode. Fans: “THIS IS WRESTLING!” Oh shut up.

Styles makes the rope and kicks him to the floor as we take another break. Back with a VERY fast paced kick exchange, capped off by AJ missing the Pele and taking a low superkick for a near fall. A Canadian Destroyer doesn’t work very well so Cole busts out a Styles Clash for an even nearer fall. How exactly do you nearly fall anyway? Is it like slipping and catching your balance at the last minute? Now the Pele connects and AJ is mad enough to hit a kneeling piledriver and the Clash for the pin at 22:45.

Rating: B-. I liked the match and they picked it way up later in the show, but again this was more for people who are long time watchers of the show than a good initiation for new fans. I’ve seen enough of Cole to know he’s good (though not as good as he’s made up to be) but they didn’t do a great job of making me know that. Still though, good main event.

They shake hands to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show was fun, but I’m REALLY not a fan of this style of show. Like I said, if you don’t know how things are going in Ring of Honor or New Japan, this was mainly just a collection of wrestlers having matches with no stories or anything to make me care about them. It was a fine show for an hour, but these guys really needed some video packages or promos to let us connect to them.

A lot of wrestling companies forget about how important it is to care about the wrestlers and think it’s all about the in ring action. You’re almost always going to be able to find better wrestling, but wrestlers you care about having good matches are far more interesting than wrestlers you don’t care about having a slightly better match. I’m really glad we’re finally moving forward next week, because this stuff is getting tiresome.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

NXT
Date: July 1, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Rich Brennan, Corey Graves

It’s the show before the big title match in Tokyo and we actually have a main event announced in advance. This week’s big match is Samoa Joe/Finn Balor vs. Rhyno/Kevin Owens, which isn’t exactly what the champ should be doing but it makes sense given the story. I can’t imagine Owens is champion next week but I’ve been surprised before. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is just a quick preview of the tag match.

Vaudevillains vs. Scott Dawson/Dash Wilder

Gotch and Wilder start things off with Dash quickly shoving him into the corner for a tag off to Dawson. Well that was pointless. Simon gets a quick two out of the corner and it’s off to English for a MANLY elbow. A back elbow and knee drop put Simon down and Dawson drives elbows into the face. The manliness starts running low though so it’s off to English to squeeze the juice out of oranges and shave with broken glass. Or maybe for the Whirling Dervish from English for the pin at 3:07.

Rating: D+. This was basically a squash and a way for the Vaudevillains to say that they’re here as faces. The fans are going to cheer for the MANLY stuff because it’s goofy fun and the guys are good enough to make a pretty unique gimmick work. I like the team, but they need some better opponents than a pair of jobbers.

Becky Lynch has a hip flexor injury and will be out for a few weeks.

Baron Corbin vs. Tucker Knight

Knight looks a lot like Rusev. End of Days in 47 seconds.

The Vaudevillains and Enzo/Cass are in Regal’s office. As you might expect, he snaps after about ten seconds of chattering. It’s a #1 contenders match next week.

It’s time for the last part of the Finn Balor documentary. Balor talks about loving how he spawns creativity from fans with their art. Some of the pictures are cool and I know I’m right because Sami Zayn agrees. We see the Finn Balor debut with Prince Devitt popping up on screen and how he knew the fans were accepting him.

The name is a combination of an Irish warrior named Finwick who went to war against the evil King Balor. The fact that his dad is named Finn didn’t hurt either. Matt Bloom (Jason Albert, NXT trainer) says there wasn’t much in ring stuff to teach him but he had to learn cameras. Balor says every entrance is a movie, which is an interesting way to look at it.

Quick talk about the Demon giving him more confidence before it’s off to saying he’s ready to take the title in Japan. A music video of him with some kids doing the Balor pose and everyone talking about how amazing Balor is ends this. These three parts are collected in an NXT special and I really, REALLY recommend you take the thirty minutes to watch it. These are some of the best documentaries WWE has ever done and they make me think Balor is ready for the WWE main event scene right now.

Eva Marie trained earlier today as Regal watched. That could be anywhere between a pleasant surprise to my mind exploding in shock to exactly the disaster a lot of people are expecting.

Emma vs. Carmella

The lack of caring for Carmella when Enzo and Cass aren’t there is astounding. Feeling out process to start with Carmella taking her down in a headlock, followed by a hurricanrana out of the corner. Emma grabs the ropes (that’s kind of lame) and puts on a bodyscissors for a bit. Carmella fights back and hits a running boot to the side of the head, only to be pulled down into the Emma Lock for the tap out at 4:12.

Rating: D+. This is more proof that there are two kinds of NXT Divas. Some of them are capable of having a classic match if they’re given enough time and look as polished as any male wrestler. Then you have the lower level, who look about the same as most of the main roster Divas and do little for me. Guess which group these two are in.

Bull Dempsey tries to break open a vending machine when Regal shows up to yell at him. The chocolate on Dempsey’s lips don’t make things any better.

Jason Jordan is annoyed at losing again last week so Chad Gable comes up to offer his services again.

Tyler Breeze vs. Tye Dillinger

Dillinger charges into a boot to start but slugs Breeze down to take over. Tye mocks the photos and the fans give him a ten, which hasn’t been explained on NXT so far. A hurricanrana and right hands (straight out of Shawn Michaels’ playbook) set up the Beauty Shot for the pin at 2:50.

Emma and Dana Brooke interrupt a Sasha Banks interview to admire the Women’s Title. A challenge is thrown down and Sasha says she’ll find a partner.

Rhyno/Kevin Owens vs. Samoa Joe/Finn Balor

Joe is billed at 302lbs which sounds bigger than you would think, but it’s nice to just admit that he’s a bigger guy. Rhyno and Joe slug it out to start with Joe taking over and nailing the jumping kick in the corner. Off to Balor vs. Owens with Finn dropkicking him down but being sent to the floor for daring to try a suplex. Back from a break with the champ holding Balor in a chinlock. That’s really dull stuff so it’s back to Rhyno for a delayed vertical suplex with some squats thrown in.

Points to Rhyno for picking things up a bit. Owens puts on another chinlock but makes sure to stick out his tongue to the crowd because he makes chinlocks something special. Some of the time at least. We get the Cena finishing sequence but Balor escapes the AA and makes the hot tag to Joe. Rhyno plants him with a spinebuster and Owens adds something resembling a Pop Up Powerbomb. It’s back to Balor for a Pele though and the Gore nails the champ by mistake, setting up the Coup de Grace for the pin on Owens (first time in NXT) at 12:40.

Rating: C. This was fine, but what does Joe actually add to NXT? He’s just Joe at this point and hasn’t done anything other than his first big showdown. Maybe now that Owens is going to be shifting to the main roster he might have a story coming soon, but there’s nothing significant for him right now. I’d love to see him do something and it’s WAY too early to write him off, but so far there’s nothing special. There’s nothing to talk about with the match as it’s booking 101 to set up a title match.

Overall Rating: C. Much like the main event, this was fine but there’s not much you need to see here. Balor continues to look like a million bucks and Breeze is actually an awesome face due to the amount of hard work he’s put in over the last year or so. Overall though this feels like the doldrums that NXT hits when they’re about to start getting ready for a big Takeover, which I believe is around Summerslam time. Totally watchable show that set up some future matches, but not much on its own.

Results

Vaudevillains b. Scott Dawson/Dash Wilder – Whirling Dervish to Dawson

Baron Corbin b. Tucker Knight – End of Days

Emma b. Carmella – Emma Lock

Tyler Breeze b. Tye Dillinger – Beauty Shot

Finn Balor/Samoa Joe b. Rhyno/Kevin Owens – Coup de Grace to Owens

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Thunder
Date: February 9, 2000
Location: Myriad Convention Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 7,124
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

The NWO has never had problems like this before! I mean they’re fighting amongst themselves and beating each other up! Other than that, the question here is which veteran is going to rip the company apart tonight and then get a big match instead of getting suspended or fired like they should. Let’s get to it.

Jarrett, the Twins and Hall arrive separately.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Lash Leroux vs. Shannon Moore

Lash cuts off the performance this week, making him twice as annoying. Granted that’s not saying much as he isn’t very annoying in the first place. 3 Count gets involved early and pulls Lash to the floor, allowing Shannon to hit a moonsault for two back inside. Lash blocks a spinwheel kick and sends Shannon into the corner, where he counters a bodyscissors and drops Moore chest first onto the buckle. A dropkick gets two on Shannon and he gets planted with something like an AA. Evan offers a distraction so the other bandmates can come in, only to be taken down by a double clothesline. Lash rolls Shannon up for a fast pin.

Norman Smiley breaks up the post match beatdown and promises to beat all of them up at SuperBrawl.

Time to run down the card.

Here’s the NWO, meaning just Jarrett and the Twins, with something to say. Jeff wants quiet from the fans before he starts beating up their heroes. Fans have been asking why Jeff did what he did on Monday when he attacked Hall. Who are these fans? I want them flogged. Hall was trying to take Jarrett’s title shot, even though he would get the title match anyway at SuperBrawl. Jarrett makes Sid/Funk vs. the Twins tonight just to screw with the champ. Tenay: “What’s wrong with that?”

Cue Hall, who reads HEY YO off a piece of paper. He doesn’t remember choosing Jarrett as the boss because Jeff doesn’t remember the time up north. Jeff has been invited into the clique down here and now he thinks he’s running the show. He’s just the acting commissioner until Nash comes back, so here’s Nash…..on the screen. Nash tells the women to stop with the massage for now because he has to yell at Jarrett.

Jeff can’t be left alone for five minutes and as a result, he’s no longer commissioner in any capacity. Back in Amazing Fantasy #15 in Spider-Man’s first appearance, it was said that with great power comes great responsibility. Jarrett did something bad to someone Nash cares about, so Jeff has to be punished.

The first idea was to cover him in barbecue sauce and put him in a cell with Meng, but then he had a better idea: leave him on a deserted island with Zbyszko so Larry can tell him about the time when he was on top of the territory. Hall: “NO KEV NOT THAT!” Nash can be a funny guy when he feels like it. Instead, how about Hall vs. Jarrett tonight with the title shot on the line. The survey says the fans approve (or maybe they just want to go home) and that’s that. So to be clear, this week the Outsiders are faces.

Jarrett is livid after a break.

Hardcore Title: Demon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Demon does his entrance from the coffin and gets hit with a crutch for the pin in three seconds. This is part of the “let’s bury Demon because we agreed to a deal with Kiss and then realized it was stupid but we have to fulfill our obligations” period.

Funk and Sid are ready for the Twins tonight.

Crowbar listens to Kiss because he’s crazy.

Booker vs. Stevie Ray

I would ask why not wait for SuperBrawl, but I guess you have to do this match while Booker is still out on bail for that attempted murder thing. Booker doesn’t want to fight his brother, but a Biggs distraction lets Stevie get in some cheap shots. A few kicks put Stevie down and Booker beats up Biggs, followed by a chair to Stevie. Booker leaves and there was no match.

Nash, on the phone, isn’t cool with Jarrett spending $57,000 on guitars last week so he makes Luger vs. Finlay for tonight.

Flair wants Hogan but will settle for Funk at SuperBrawl. They really are just doing the greatest hits catalog aren’t they?

Kidman vs. Crowbar

This could be good. Crowbar charges into the ring and Kidman pounds him down like a villain, or someone with a reason to be mad at Crowbar, would do. Back up and Crowbar intentionally throws dropkicks that miss for some taunting but Kidman just punches him in the face. They head outside with Kidman being whipped into the barricade, setting up a splash off the barricade. Well at least they’re keeping it moving so far.

Back in and Crowbar gets dropkicked out of the air, setting up the Bodog for two. The BK Bomb gets the same but Crowbar counters a headscissors into a kind of reverse Batista Bomb. I’ve always thought a reverse powerbomb would be a good finisher for someone. Kidman is in trouble but Torrie easily distracts the referee, allowing Crowbar to grab the crowbar. Crowbar takes a crowbar though and Kidman hits a quick hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: C. These two are rapidly becoming some of my favorite people on the show. Crowbar may not be the most technically sound guy in the world but he’s playing his character so well that it’s hard not to like him. Kidman is probably the most polished worker on the roster right now (or at least the most polished who is actually trying) and it’s really showing.

Crowbar whips himself into the steps. That’s quite the dedication.

The NWO sends their women away.

Sid Vicious/Terry Funk vs. Harris Brothers

Sid comes out first because the title has no value these days. Jarrett, of course wearing the US Title which he has shown no signs of defending yet, is on commentary. Ron and Sid start with Ron taunting Funk, drawing him in for a Twins’ double team. Just like last week, Sid fights them off with ease because they’re the Harris Twins, allowing Funk to come in and cover Don for two. A DDT gets the same and it’s off to Ron for a chinlock.

Funk fights back with a shoulder as we hit slapnuts #5 from Jeff. The hot tag (more like mild and party cloudy) brings in Sid for a chokeslam and cobra clutch slam to Ron. Don takes a piledriver on the exposed concrete but Sid gets hit low to keep the match going. Funk puts Don on a table at ringside as Sid chases…..I guess Ron to the back, allowing Jarrett to guitar Funk through the table to give Don the pin.

Rating: D. I guess this is the match that got the extra time after Knobbs vs. Demon. That being said, I’d love to hear the validation from the creative team as to how this is the best use for the World Heavyweight Champion who has spent weeks battling the forces of evil to finally win the belt. Lame tag match but at least Jarrett gets one up on the champ, by beating his tag partner who first retired seventeen years ago.

Flair wants to team up with Luger so Luger can break Funk’s arm on Monday while Luger deals with Hogan. The youngest person in this story: Lex Luger at 41.

Total Package vs. Fit Finlay

Before the match, Luger (can we please go back to that being his official name?) talks about beating up Hogan and Funk with help from Flair, who is referred to as a protege. Thankfully Finlay comes out so I don’t have to feel the explosion of the space time continuum from that statement. Finlay works on the arm to start, stomps away in the corner and then gets hit in the leg by a ball bat shot from Liz for the fast DQ.

Luger Pillmanizes Finlay’s arm and Brian Knobbs comes out to get in a shot of his own. On Finlay of course, because he doesn’t seem to remember Luger breaking his arm so recently.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

2XS (Lenny and Lodi, now known as Idol) isn’t worried about Miss Hancock leaving them because they don’t need a stupid gimmick. They’ll take the titles tonight.

Tag Team Titles: 2XS vs. Mamalukes

The Italians are defending but get jumped in the aisle, which is becoming a very common trend in WCW. Tenay ignores talking about the match to plug DDP’s new book as Vito gets stomped down before he can even take the belt off. Cue Hancock for some gratuitous leg shots and a rare removal of the hair bun. My goodness that woman is beautiful. She hands some papers to the announcers and leaves which they can’t seem to understand. Idol DDTs Johnny but Disco breaks up the pin. Disco and Idol ram heads and Vito’s implant DDT is enough to retain. The match was a backdrop for Hancock’s paper delivery.

Crowbar hits Disco with a lead pipe and steals the belts.

Ernest Miller won’t say where James Brown is.

Gene calls out Ric Flair for a chat. Ric says it’s just like old times because he’s still the greatest wrestler, athlete and lover in the world. He isn’t pleased with ESPN for not naming him one of the greatest athletes of the century but would rather talk about what’s in the WCW Magazine he’s holding. It’s a list of the all time great WCW stars and Flair is #2, after Hulk Hogan. Flair beats up the magazine (makes sense for him) but here’s Dustin Rhodes. Dustin didn’t think much of Ric letting his son get beaten up on Monday when all David wanted to do was impress his dad. David is more grown up than Ric and those are fighting words.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Ric Flair

Flash back six years and this could be interesting. Rhodes takes over to start by stomping Flair into the corner and suplexing him down but a clothesline takes out the referee about twenty seconds in. A low blow puts Dustin down but he avoids a knee drop and puts Flair in the Figure Four. That earns him a Rolex to the face, giving Ric the pin.

Terry Funk makes the save but Lex Luger hits the ring to take out Dustin and rack Funk.

Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett

Winner gets the World Title shot at SuperBrawl. Scott gets in some shots to start but Jeff sends him outside for a beating from the Harris Twins. Ron’s clothesline gives Jeff two and we hit the sleeper/sleeper reversal sequence. Hall comes back with right hands and the fall away slam as the fans are WAY into Scott. Just like Monday, the referee makes sure to get right in the way of a flailing body, this time with Jeff’s legs as he’s taken up for the Outsider’s Edge. No count of course, allowing Jeff to pop up and hit the Stroke for three off second referee Mark Johnson.

Not so fast though as the first referee gets up and says restart it so Hall punches various people until a mic shot puts him down for two. Jarrett misses a belt shot and takes one to the face, but this time Johnson pulls Mickie Jay to the floor. Cue Sid and GOOD GRIEF JUST LET THERE BE A PIN. Hall Edges Johnson and Sid powerbombs Jarrett as the match is finally thrown out.

Rating: F+. It’s Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall. These two fought each other so many times over the years that they probably know how to have at least an average match through muscle memory, but we had run ins, ref bumps, refs fighting and weapons in a six and a half minute match. This is another case of “just let them wrestle”. It would make everyone’s lives so much easier, which is why it’s never going to happen.

Overall Rating: D-. This may not be the worst show ever, but it’s one of the laziest. However, they do seem to be making some headway with some of the stories. Luger and Flair as the new big bad is fine, even though I can’t imagine Hogan and Funk as partners taking them down. The NWO stuff is just killing this show though with the Twins as some of the least interesting lackeys I’ve ever seen. There’s some watchable stuff in there and if they would just find a better option for the main event and upper midcard, this would be a far more watchable company.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Lucha Underground
Date: July 1, 2015
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker

The big story coming out of last week was Mil Muertes becoming #1 contender, meaning I’d advise you to send Prince Puma our final goodbyes before his inevitable destruction. Other than that we have the Disciples of Death coming after the Trios Titles, which should be another academic ending. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Chavo attacking Black Lotus and trying to feed her to Cueto’s brother. Next up is Daivari vs. Texano which really isn’t doing anything for me. Finally we have Drago losing the #1 contendership to Mil Muertes, because Muertes is evil and therefore unstoppable.

Chavo comes in to Cueto’s office and gets a No DQ title shot in exchange for delivering Black Lotus. As a bonus, Cueto says if Konnan gets involved then the title changes hands.

Delavar Daivari vs. Texano

Daivari has Big Ryck. Texano slugs him away to start and a backdrop sends Daivari bailing to the floor. A slingshot hilo gets two but a Ryck distraction lets Daivari go after the knee. This feud hasn’t been great so far (I still don’t really know why they’re fighting) and this match isn’t likely to help things out. Daivari stays on the knee and Vampiro calls Texano a hero. Wait when did Texano turn face?

Daivari puts on a figure four but Texano quickly makes the ropes and chops away. A leg lariat gets two as this match isn’t exactly thrilling so far. Texano makes things serious by shouting in Spanish but Daivari is all like NO COMPRENDE and gets two off an X Factor. Ryck gets superkicked off the apron and a Batista Bomb ends Daivari.

Rating: D+. Texano is a good choice for a face (assuming he gets rid of the bullrope) but Daivari as a generic rich dude wasn’t doing anything for anyone. The match wasn’t any good and it showed how weak Daivari really is out there. Thankfully the fans are into Texano and a feud with someone else could do good things for him.

Konnan and Puma are getting ready when Catrina and Muertes come in to say the title is his. Then they disappear, which Konnan calls mind games.

After a break, Konnan tells someone we can’t see that it’s time to settle a debt by dealing with Chavo tonight.

Hernandez vs. Drago

Striker: “Hernandez is arguably one of the biggest luchadors on the roster.” Actually it’s not arguable Striker. Hernandez shoves him down to start but Drago flips back up to his feet. For some reason this stuns Hernandez because someone actually got back to their feet. We hit the chinlock as we hear about Drago being a karate champion. Back up and Drago’s cross body completely fails as Hernandez casually counters it into something like a Big Ending.

A kick to the head staggers Hernandez on the top and sets up a hurricanrana for two. Not a bad power vs. speed match so far. Another kick to the face (well the heel but you get the idea) sets up an Asai corkscrew dive, only to have Hernandez Border Toss Drago onto the apron. A “fan” loses his belt and Drago gets whipped and choked for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but Hernandez is little more than power moves at this point. He never has been the most polished guy in the world but it’s getting even worse in recent years. Drago is still good but he didn’t get to do much here, making him feel far more average than anything else.

Hernandez tells the stupid fans that dragons aren’t real and Drago is just a man.

Catrina tells Chavo that he’ll die if he wins tonight. Chavo says he’ll see Catrina and Muertes at Ultima Lucha.

Marty Martinez vs. Alberto El Patron

Alberto punches him down in the corner and kicks at the ribs, setting up a Codebreaker on the arm and the cross armbreaker for the win in less than a minute.

Post match Alberto tells Johnny Mundo that he has opened a new side of Alberto. He’ll rip Johnny’s face off at Ultima Lucha.

Lucha Underground Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Prince Puma

Puma is defending, No DQ and if Konnan interferes then Puma loses the title. Chavo has the remaining Crew in his corner to protect him from Mexico, whatever or whoever that may be. Owen’s Hart’s spinout counters Puma’s wristlock but he crucifixes Chavo for two. The champ flips over Chavo and Guerrero’s knee gives out, drawing in the Crew to beat Puma down. Puma tries to fight both guys off as Chavo has barely moved. A DDT/top rope double stomp plants Puma again but Texano comes in to fight off the Crew. Puma goes up and hits a 630 on Chavo to retain the title.

Rating: C-. I have to believe that was a real injury (or at least a storyline “real” injury) because there’s no reason to have the match go that way if Chavo was healthy. Even from Chavo’s perspective it doesn’t make sense because why wouldn’t he help in a beatdown in a No DQ match? I’ll give them a big break here because it seems like a real injury and it’s not fair to criticize them in that case.

Texano says Mexico isn’t coming for Chavo because it’s right here.

Chavo is in the back when Blue Demon Jr. comes in. Demon chuckles at what he saw but Chavo says that Texano must be Mexico now while Demon is just some has been who lives in Miami. Demon slams him into a locker and leaves as Chavo smiles. I’ve asked this before and I’ll ask it again: why am I supposed to care about Blue Demon Jr.? He’s been around since the first episode, wrestled two or three times, and is apparently really important (yes I know his lineage), but I have no reason to care about him.

Overall Rating: D+. I didn’t care about this one very much, but Ultima Lucha is really starting to take shape. They’ve got about a month to go before the major show and it should be interesting to see how good of a show they can put on when they have the time and the stories built up. Not a great show here, but it accomplished a few of its goals.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6