Impact Wrestling
Date: July 8, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re officially in the Ethan Carter III era, which means tonight is going to be a big celebration. It’s going to be interesting to see where the company goes with Ethan on top, because he was clearly the next logical choice to take the title. Oh and Dixie is back. Yes, about a year after she left, Dixie Carter makes her big return tonight to either congratulate or help deal with her nephew, because the world just wouldn’t be complete without the Duchess of Darlin out there to guide us through life. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the World Title change last week. That really was the only way to go.

Here are Ethan and Tyrus to open things up. Ethan: “DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION YET??? I am the undisputed World Heavyweight Champion and the greatest living wrestler alive.” Dixie has given him free reign tonight, meaning he’s booked the entire card. Therefore, he’ll be defending his title not EC-once, not EC-twice, but EC3 times. This brings out Matt Hardy, who says he took Angle to the limit before Carter’s title shot.

If Ethan is so keen to defend the title tonight, how about Matt Hardy getting a chance? Ethan declines, because Matt may have taken Angle to the limit, but the champ took him over the limit. True actually. Instead, Matt can have a tag match, if he can find someone to replace his idiot brother. Actually Ethan doesn’t mean against he and Tyrus though, meaning it’s time for the Dirty Heels. You can see the talent departures starting to take effect already.

Matt Hardy vs. Dirty Heels

Carter is in on commentary and gets in an argument about Twitter to start. The numbers game has Matt in early trouble as you would expect with Roode dropping Matt face first in a gordbuster. Aries argues with the referee so Roode can punch Hardy in the face behind the referee’s back. That’s quite the dirty heel move.

Ethan’s mic stops working as Matt hooks what used to be called the Ice Pick on Roode until Aries makes a quick save. That earns Austin an Ice Pick but he blocks the Twist of Fate. Instead it’s a suplex over the ropes but Bobby plays Heenan by tripping the leg so Aries can fall on top for the pin at 5:01. Carter: “THEY’RE SO DIRTY!”

Rating: D+. This seems like part of Carter’s reign of terror, but at the same time it seems like it might be a way to just throw people into matches because they don’t have stories for everyone. The Heels cheating makes sense but it wasn’t a good match either way. That’s the problem with shows like this: it makes for a long night of heel dominance, which can be a chore to sit through.

Here’s the Rising for their big breakup speech. Drew promises to keep standing up for wrestling and Drake says one day he’ll show Galloway what it means for Drew getting him in the door. The team leaves Drew alone in the ring and Ethan grabs a mic and starts to cry. It’s sad to see Drew like this, but it’s even sadder that he has a 3-1 handicap match right now.

Drew Galloway vs. Khoya/Abyss/Manik

Drew is in jeans and the beatdown is on early. A clothesline and neckbreaker give Galloway a breather but a BIG Sky High powerbomb from Khoya plants him back down. Abyss doesn’t like Khoya going for the pin though, allowing Drew to catch Manik in a backbreaker. As the other two argue, a big boot to Manik’s jaw (well the mask around his jaw) is enough for the big upset pin at 2:18. Well done on mixing up the heel dominance and hopefully this leads to the official end of the Revolution.

Mr. Anderson congratulates Carter on winning the title but thinks he’d be a great option for one of those three title shots. Carter disagrees and gives Anderson a match next.

Mr. Anderson vs. Bram

Bram gets taken to the mat to start and eats a swinging neckbreaker, followed by a Regal Roll. Well the second attempt at one but it’s better late than never right? A Swanton gets two but Bram elbows out of the Mic Check. That earns him a clothesline out to the floor, only to have Bram nail Anderson with a chair for the DQ at 2:59. That was kind of pointless.

Bram keeps beating Anderson up after the match and orders the mic to be dropped, which he uses to bash Anderson’s head in, drawing some blood in the process.

Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz

Street fight. Robbie starts fast and takes it outside for a running flip dive off the apron. A running trashcan shot “knocks the Adonis complex out of the Adonis” (ok that was a good line) and it’s time to head inside. Robbie blasts him between the legs with a kendo stick, which is somehow a way for Josh to transition to plugging another Destination America show.

The cheap plug apparently ticked Jesse off enough that he’s able to send Robbie back first into the post, followed by a buckle bomb. It’s nice to see some basic body part work to set up a submission hold. That’s often considered too basic today but it still works just fine. Robbie comes back with a White Russian legsweep to make Jesse drop his kendo stick before sending him into a trashcan in the corner.

A reverse DDT onto the chair gets two for Robbie but Jesse crotches him on top. Jesse powerbombs him through two chairs in what really should have been the finish (Pope sounds more confused than shocked on the kickout) but instead he has to put Robbie in the Adonis Lock with a chair over Robbie’s back for the pass out at 8:30.

Rating: C+. I had a much better time with this than I was expecting to and both guys are looking great at the moment. They made a very smart move here by not having Robbie tap out. They’ve done a very good job of making Robbie seem like a potentially serious deal, though I can’t imagine Jesse getting very far with a Boston crab finisher.

Lashley wants a title shot but gets Tyrus instead.

Kurt Angle says Ethan’s gauntlet has gotten a lot more interesting.

The Jarretts say they can’t believe that they’re they’re back after everything that happened but TNA is one of the many promotions they’re partnering with. The King of the Mountain Title is going to be defended in Global Force Wrestling and other promotions around the world. That’s not much, but at least we got SOMETHING this week.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???

First up for Ethan is….Norv Fernum. Pope is of course aghast at these developments. A right hand and the 1%er are enough for the pin in 45 seconds.

Carter sits down in the corner and gets water. “To the body? To the body!”

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???

It’s Shark Boy, complete with a quick plug for Shark Week on Discovery Channel. For some reason Pope thinks this one is hilarious. Shark Boy looks about seven months pregnant. Tyrus: “You’re going to need a bigger boat.” Shark Boy gets in some offense but the 1%er takes him out in 54 seconds.

Carter is ready for the third match and here’s Kurt. Contract, rematch clause, tonight.

Lashley vs. Tyrus

Carter is on commentary again. Lashley runs into Tyrus to start but has a sleeper quickly broken. Instead, Tyrus plants him down with a side slam and drops an elbow for two. It’s hard to believe that Tyrus is in his early 40s. The guy made the big time fairly late in his career and it’s hard to fathom on occasion. Lashley can’t slam him so Tyrus throws him down with a t-bone suplex. That’s fine with Lashley who throws Tyrus onto his shoulder for an electric chair (but he couldn’t slam him?), followed by a spear to put Tyrus away at 4:46.

Rating: D+. Pretty meh match here as Tyrus isn’t exactly great in the ring. The match wasn’t horrible but it was really just an extended workout for Lashley. That’s all well and good though as he’ll likely be back in the main event scene soon enough, which is where Lashley belongs.

The end of the Jarretts’ interview talks about how his goals for Global Force line up with TNA’s and everybody wins. The real history of TNA is in the list of great names they’ve had over the years (including Don West oddly enough) and that’s Jeff’s legacy.

Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky

Before the match, Madison tells Velvet that she belongs in the crowd instead of the ring. The brawl is on because this match needed a story I guess. I’ll take it over “they were in the Beautiful People!” again though. They quickly head outside with Madison being sent shoulder first into the post. Madison grabs a northern lights suplex but has to clutch her shoulder after the kickout. Velvet shrugs off some offense and kicks Madison in the face, setting up the Stunner for the pin at 3:36.

Rating: D+. As usual, Velvet is nothing to see in the ring. Well, her wrestling isn’t at least. The division continues to just kind of meander along except for the title feud, and Velvet being near the top again isn’t something interesting. The fact that it seems like we’re headed for another Gail Kim title reign or at least feud with the Dollhouse makes it even worse. Velvet just doesn’t do it for me anymore after we’ve seen what the girls are capable of doing and that’s not good going forward.

Some TNA wrestlers were at a charity camp. That’s always cool to see.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III b. Kurt Angle

Carter, defending, immediately runs to the floor and the stalling begins. Back in and a suplex gets two on the champ and Ethan is back on the floor, demanding a faster count. Kurt goes after him this time and it’s time to roll some Germans. Tyrus gets knocked off the apron and there’s the ankle lock, but Ethan punches the referee. He taps out and Hebner calls for the bell at 3:26. That’s the bell for the DQ of course.

Rating: D. Yeah whatever. I don’t think this one really warrants a full explanation.

Post break and Ethan is still in the ring, saying he got out of that one. Now for the big cherry on top, here’s Dixie! And it’s to SILENCE. On a taped show no less. Ethan is ready for his congratulations for winning the World Title and defending the Carter name but Dixie cuts him off and says she doesn’t recognize the person she was last year. Now it’s Ethan who is out of control and OH MY GOODNESS they’re really making this all about Dixie again.

Yes, after all that time of her turning the show into a playground, we’re supposed to cheer for her because she’s seen the light or whatever. Ethan is taking over so Dixie is ready to announce a matchmaker so he’ll have to defend the title against quality competition. It’s not Dixie (thank goodness) and darlin (you knew that was coming), we’ll find out who that is next week.

Overall Rating: C-. The show wasn’t terrible but as usual, TNA doesn’t know how to let there be more than one major story at once. Above all else though, I do not want to see Dixie Carter on TV. I understand that she is the President of the company and all that jazz, but she is not an interesting character. It feels like the most forced idea in the world and something that the fans do not want to see. HHH was a monster when he left but returned in 2002 to one of the loudest pops of all time. Dixie returned after a year to crickets. What does that tell you about her?

Other than that though, there was too much packed into this show. We had two handicap matches, a street fight and a match that ended in a DQ. It’s too much in one night and that’s not something you want to do here. They need to calm this stuff down, even though they’re running out of time. Look at the Knockouts match for example. That easily could have been cut out and had it’s five minutes handed to something else. That’s where TNA doesn’t get it: they need to stop pushing everything into one show when there’s another week coming up.

Results

Dirty Heels b. Matt Hardy – Aries pinned Hardy with Roode holding his leg

Drew Galloway b. Khoya/Abyss/Manik – Big boot to Manik

Mr. Anderson b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a chair

Jesse Godderz b. Robbie E. – Adonis Lock

Ethan Carter III b. Norv Fernum – 1%er

Ethan Carter III b. Shark Boy – 1%er

Lashley b. Tyrus – Spear

Velvet Sky b. Madison Rayne – Stunner

Kurt Angle b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter punched the referee

Lucha Underground
Date: July 8, 2015
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker

We’re less than a month away from Ultima Lucha and that means most of the card has already been set up. The main questions remaining are who will get the last of the medallions and what does it mean for the people who win them. My guess is a midcard title of some sort but it’s hard to guess around this place. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap focuses on some of the big matches coming up at Ultima Lucha with Mundo vs. Alberto getting more time than anything else. Nothing really gets a ton of time though.

Pentagon Jr. bows to his master (and we see a shadow this time) and says Ian Hodgkinson (Vampiro’s real name) won’t face him at Ultima Lucha. He will be sacrificed though. Konnan is going to be the master isn’t he?

Cage vs. The Mack

I believe this is fallout from Cage taking Mack’s spot in the Trios Title match a few weeks back. They trade kicks to the head to start until Cage throws him down and plants him with a delayed vertical suplex. Mack shrugs them off and hits an exploder suplex into the corner (think Sami, but bigger, stronger and without as much charisma) for no cover. A discus lariat puts Mack down again but he kicks Cage in the head and slides between Cage’s legs into a rollup for the big upset.

Rating: C+. What the heck was that? The Mack really hasn’t shown me much in Lucha Underground so far but this was quite the power brawl with two big guys beating the tar out of each other for about four minutes before a quick rollup pin. How Cage didn’t thrive as a monster in NXT is beyond me because he’s great in the role here.

Catrina comes up to Son of Havoc in the back and says death is coming. Ivelisse comes after her but Catrina disappears, leaving Ivelisse on top of Havoc. Angelico: “Don’t tell me you two are getting back together again.”

Prince Puma vs. Mil Muertes and Johnny Mundo vs. Alberto El Patron are set for Ultima Lucha.

Vampiro’s sitdown interview is with Pentagon Jr. and Vampiro gets right to the point: he isn’t fighting at Ultima Lucha. Now we get to the important stuff: who is the master? Pentagon says nothing so Vampiro brings up the hurting people. Pentagon says Vampiro used to be a monster like him but is now a coward, which is all Vampiro needs to make him snap. The masked man rants a lot about how Vampiro is a coward and walks out.

Mil Muertes vs. Son of Havoc

Muertes is in the ring to start the match, which you should NEVER do for a monster. Mil charges into a kick to the face, followed by a back elbow for two. They’re quickly on the floor with Muertes throwing Havoc into a pile of chairs and slamming him onto the announcers’ table. Havoc fights back inside and hits a quick double stomp into a standing moonsault for two. Vampiro: “You’re going to need more than that to stamp out death.”

Back up and Havoc flips out of a chokeslam, only to have Muertes punch him in the face to take over again. Havoc shoves him off the top but misses the Shooting Star, leading to the Disciples of Death appearing to wipe out Angelico. A rock to Ivelisse’s face puts her down, only to have Havoc dive on everyone. It takes too much time though and Havoc eats a spear and the Downward Spiral for the pin.

Rating: C. Again not bad with Muertes looking like a monster but Havoc not getting squashed as a champion. They did a very solid job of keeping both guys looking strong while making Muertes the better man, which is a lot better than WWE does half the time these days. Good stuff.

Here’s Texano to say he may not have always been a good guy but he’s always been Mexicano. Yeah he’s a cheater but he’d never turn on his people or his race. Chavo Guerrero and Blue Demon Jr. may be saying they’re Mexico, but Texano is through and through. Texano wants Chavo out here right now but they get the Crew instead, which draws out Blue Demon to chase them off with just a stare. The Crew throws Demon a chair though and he knocks Texano silly to bust him open. Blue Demon says he’s Mexico and doesn’t need Texano to fight his battles. They’ll fight at Ultima Lucha.

Team Alberto vs. Team Johnny

Alberto El Patron, Sexy Star, Drago, Aerostar

Johnny Mundo, Jack Evans, Super Fly, Hernandez

This is an Atomicos match, which apparently means one fall to a finish. Thanks for that rule change. Alberto and Johnny start things off but Mundo immediately tags out to Evans like a good heel. The good guys take over and stomp away on Evans in the corner with Star stomping Jack from the top rope. It’s off to Fly who eats a quick headscissors, allowing for the tag off to Drago.

Hernandez comes in as well but everything breaks down with the rudos destroying Alberto on the floor. This is insanely fast paced stuff and I can barely keep up with it. Star does a HUGE backwards dive to take out Evans and Fly, setting up the big parade of dives. Johnny breaks up Alberto’s dive and gets chased up the steps though, thankfully leaving us with just six guys. Fly works over Star until it’s off to Hernandez for a sitout Alpha Bomb for two. Mundo’s running knee to the face gets the same and Evans breaks up a sunset flip with a knee to the back.

Things have finally settled down a bit here and I can suddenly breathe again. Star comes in off a tag and we get some heel miscommunication, only to have Hernandez pull Star off Fly as everything breaks down again. Alberto and Mundo are back with El Patron slapping Jack into the armbreaker but Mundo makes the save with the End of the World. Star goes up but dives into a rollup (with a handful of trunks) for the pin.

Rating: B. Fun tag match here and exactly the way they should have set up something for Ultima Lucha. The show is starting to feel huge and Alberto vs. Mundo is probably going to be the second biggest match on the card. Really fun main event here that felt like the lucha libre showcase they’ve been shooting for.

The announcers preview next week when Pentagon Jr. kicks Vampiro in the head and beats him with a chair. He vows to destroy this shell of a man and pulls out a can of gasoline. After dousing Vampiro, he promises to destroy him at Ultima Lucha. Pentagon pulls out a lighter and tells Vampiro he has one week to make a decision.

Overall Rating: B+. This was the return to form that Lucha Underground has been looking for. All of the matches delivered and it felt like a show that made me want to see the big show later on. When this show is on, there’s very little like it and this worked wonders all around. Really good stuff here and a fun show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Same as last week as I won’t be able to post the full thing tonight so here it is in advance.

Smackdown
Date: July 9, 2015
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Jimmy Uso, Jerry Lawler

We’re back after this Monday’s classic of Cena vs. Cesaro and Lesnar squashing a Cadillac with….maybe Cesaro and Rollins if we’re lucky. My guess is we’ll get more of a focus on Reigns vs. Wyatt, which is a far more interesting story than the World Title situation. Hopefully the wrestling will be good. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap is a long video on Lesnar vs. Rollins, with Cena vs. Cesaro not warranting air time.

Here’s Rollins to open things up by calling Lesnar a coward. Luckily we’re treated to a JUSTIN BIEBER chant because that’s a full time thing now. Rollins rants about the destroyed Cadillac but here’s Paul Heyman with a tow truck hauling out the remnants. Heyman says you can’t treat Lesnar like Rollins did and not expect to be taken to Suplex City.

Both say that the car is a metaphor for their opponent (or client’s opponent) in a good exchange. Rollins brings up the whole destroying the Shield thing but Heyman promises Lesnar putting his foot on Seth’s chest as he holds up his new title. Seth cuts him off again and promises to keep the title. This was basic stuff but it’s why they have Heyman with Lesnar though. If Brock can’t be around, just throw Heyman out there to do the talking.

Dean Ambrose vs. Bo Dallas

In case Monday’s squash didn’t do it for you I guess. Before the match, Bo takes credit for the success of Rock’s new HBO series Ballers. Ambrose works on a hammerlock to start but Dallas sends him into the post three times in a row. Some choking with the ring skirt (that’s something you don’t see to often) sets up Bo’s belly to belly (his old finisher) for two and we take a break. Back with Dean fighting out of a chinlock and firing away against the ropes. We get a big surprise as Bo runs the ropes for a belly to belly superplex, followed by a Downward Spiral for two. That goes nowhere so Dirty Deeds finishes Bo at 9:07.

Rating: C-. Bo surprised me here a bit and it’s been cool to see him working extra hard lately, dating back to the match against Neville on pay per view. Ambrose is still looking for his next feud and you almost have to assume it’s going to be against Reigns because, simply put, who else is there?

Big Show tells Rollins to take care of Lesnar and promises to take out Reigns tonight. Man I thought we were past that mess.

Recap of Rusev putting Ziggler out on Raw.

Fandango vs. Rusev

Rusev has shoes now, which is a very smart mandate for him. Fandango scores with a headscissors to start as Jimmy brings up Rusev wearing boots after Tom and Jerry spent thirty seconds talking about it during Rusev’s entrance. This is every Rusev match before he feuded with Cena: a nerve hold, no selling Fandango’s comeback, the superkick and the Accolade for the submission at 3:15.

Rating: D. Hey, Rusev is back. I think that sums up the whole thing here as it was just a quick squash with a bunch of shots of Summer Rae to make things a bit easier to sit through. Summer works fine as a gold digger, even if Rusev doesn’t have a ton of gold at the moment. Make Rusev a monster again and he’ll be fine.

Roman Reigns vs. Big Show

Remember what I said about being fine? Forget all of that here. Show is now in a sleeveless black shirt instead of the singlet top. Reigns gets thrown around to start and Show shoves him out to the floor. The giant gets posted for an eight count and it’s time for Reigns’ clotheslines, because where would we be without a series of clotheslines? The Superman Punch is loaded up but we’ve got a fake Wyatt on the stage. The real one gets punched off the apron but pulls Reigns down for the DQ at 4:00.

Rating: D+. This was barely a match as a good chunk of it was spent on the fake Wyatt and waiting on Big Show to beat the count back in. Thankfully we didn’t have to sit through a long Reigns vs. Big Show match which would have killed the crowd and been a big bore all match long. Wyatt vs. Reigns should be a really fun power brawl when we get there though.

Bray hits a pair of Sister Abigails.

Titus O’Neil vs. Big E.

E. takes over to start and hammers Titus into the corner to start. That’s a very common way to open matches these days. We hit the early abdominal stretch complete with slaps but Titus tosses E. out to the floor. A belly to belly stops Titus’ comeback and the partners all try to interfere, earning them a mass ejection. Clash of the Titus ends E. at 2:49.

Austin WWE2K16 video.

Video on the Cadillac being crushed earlier this week. So what wrecked car was brought out earlier???

After a recap of what happened between them on Monday, here’s Orton to talk about what happened with Sheamus earlier this week. He keeps it simple by saying he’s going to attempt to make Sheamus entertaining by ripping off his mohawk, but here’s the Ascension of all people for some reason. There was a time when this might have been interesting but instead it’s RKO’s all around.

Video on Cesaro vs. Cena from Raw. This deserved any attention it could get.

Naomi/Tamina vs. Brie Bella/Alicia Fox

Brie shoves Naomi into the corner to start before it’s off to Tamina, who takes some kicks to the ribs as well. All hail the Bellas right? Tamina makes a comeback so it’s off to Alicia and Naomi with the latter still having no luck. Everything breaks down and a Nikki distraction lets Alicia hit the ax kick for the pin on Tamina at 2:55.

Ryback doesn’t like how Seth Rollins has been acting as champion, including how he ran away on Monday. Tonight, Ryback will show Rollins how a champion acts because there is no running and hiding.

Ryback vs. Seth Rollins

Non-title and both guys come out alone. Ryback shoves him out to the floor with ease to start and Rollins is already frustrated. Back in and some knees to the chest only earn Rollins a thirty second delayed vertical suplex. Seth kicks him off the apron though and nails a nice suicide dive, only to come back in using Brock’s jump to the apron. Man this guy has some guts.

Seth’s chinlock is quickly countered into a Backpack Stunner and the low superkick is countered into a powerbomb. It’s Rollins’ turn to counter though as he escapes Shell Shock and kicks Ryback in the head. Instead of covering though he walks out, but Ryback throws him onto the floor a few times. The threat of a Shell Shock on the floor is enough to make Seth run into the crowd for the countout at 8:11.

Rating: C-. I’ve seen worse. Ryback is really starting to find his groove as the upper midcard guy who can dabble in the main event when he needs to. He’s already a solid Intercontinental Champion and a good power guy so why not see how far out he can swim? This was more about the story and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Post match here’s Big Show to double team Ryback but Reigns makes the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m getting really tired of these not terrible yet still totally skippable shows. This is another example of a show that you do not need to watch but won’t hate yourself if you sat through it. In other words, meh. That’s Smackdown in a nutshell: it exists and mostly doesn’t suck. That’s hardly a ringing endorsement but what else is there to say about it?

Results

Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds

Rusev b. Fandango – Accolade

Roman Reigns b. Big Show via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered

Titus O’Neil b. Big E. – Clash of the Titus

Alicia Fox/Brie Bella b. Naomi/Tamina – Ax kick to Tamina

Ryback b. Seth Rollins via countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Why being a comedy character is better than nothing.

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-better-stupid-unemployed/36757/

Monday Nitro #227
Date: February 14, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 8,160
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

It’s SuperBrawl week and you can see most of the card at this point. If you hurry, you can still cover your eyes before your face melts like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The big stories tonight are Hogan vs. Flair and Luger vs. Funk as they mix up the big matches before Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the recent events. That’s one of the best ideas they could have had as it’s so difficult to keep awake during the shows these days.

The opening sequence cuts Madden off. I like it more already.

We get a second recap. As usual, it’s overkill around here.

Here’s the NWO, which is now Jarrett, the Twins and the girls of the week. The girls are sent away and this is already less interesting. They remind us that it’s six days until SuperBrawl (old school tactic of making sure you know how long before the show instead of just saying “at this show”. I like the old way better) before Jeff goes into his “they’re all against me” speech. Jarrett is the natural born champion and is going to be leaving San Francisco with the title.

Nash comes on the screen and says the only stroke Jarrett has is in his single wide back in Nashville. Jarrett cuts him off and threatens to break David Penzer’s neck if they don’t cut Nash’s feed off. This makes Nash serious and there goes the feed. Jeff says the acting commissioner (he was stripped of that last week) is winning on Sunday but here’s Nash in a wheelchair (Madden: “He’s not an outsider. He’s an Ironsider!”) to interrupt.

Nash may have had to have his foot rebuilt (so that’s why he’s out) but it still fits in Jarrett’s censored. Since Jarrett didn’t beat Hall last week, it’s going to be a three way at SuperBrawl. Jeff can get Sid tonight, non-title. So the WWF was stealing the idea of having the regular triple threat Wrestlemania main event on Raw before adding one more person at the big show? No wonder that show was horrible. If Jeff needs Nash, he’ll be in the back playing with his nurses.

The announcers run down a pretty stacked card.

Luger, Liz and Flair arrive together. Flair is WAY too excited to be in New York. Lex’s San Antonio Spurs shirt is a nice cheap heat device.

Norman doesn’t like 2XS’ clothes but Lane and Idol think the rats will love them.

3 Count is in the ring and talks about how they’ve been getting a lot of entries in their contest for a dream date. It’s time to dance but Norman cuts them off again. He really needs to stop doing that.

Lane/Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count

Handicap match. Norman is wearing an Islanders jersey to keep up his cheap pops and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lane gets jumped as he comes in and Shannon spinwheel kicks Norman to the floor. A moonsault puts him down again, so Lane moonsaults (mostly connecting) onto both of them. Helms and Karagias hit dives of their own, even though they mainly hit their own partners.

Back in and Lana hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Moore as Miss Hancock comes out for commentary, instantly showing more charisma than any woman in this company save for maybe Madusa. She says 2XS never should have gotten rid of her because they don’t know what they’re missing. Helms poses in the ring after a splash but Lana fights out of a double team. Norman gets the tag for the swinging slam on Moore and does the dance but there’s dance music playing in the arena.

Hancock takes her hair down and gets up on the table (with the camera panning up to show her)…..and now let’s watch the match as Tony tells us about her dancing. Finally the director regains his sanity and focuses Hancock with the match in the background before she casually hops down and walks off, leaving Charles Robinson stunned that he misses Evan tapping to the Norman’s Conquest.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but also completely not the point here. This was all about establishing Miss Hancock as the new big thing and it was easy to see why. It’s a very simple formula: take a gorgeous blonde with incredibly long legs and have her dance on a table during an uninteresting match. There isn’t much more to it and there doesn’t need to be.

3 Count performs again. Even Madden is sick of them by this point.

Back from a break and they’re still at it, so here’s Tank Abbott to clean house.

Meng and Big Al “talk” in the back.

Tank Abbott vs. Rick Fuller

33 seconds, Fuller is out cold. If nothing else, we’re told that Al is Abbott’s former bodyguard from UFC.

Earlier today, Abbott talked about being the toughest fighter in UFC. His record was secondary to hurting people and that makes him all the more deadly. This brings him to Big Al, who doesn’t get what Abbott is doing here. Therefore, there needs to be a skins match at SuperBrawl, meaning a leather jacket on a pole match. So Abbott is just fighting a guy named Al who used to be a bodyguard and may or may not be a wrestler. How does this thing actually get a story?

Jeff Jarrett is on the phone and demands that his match is for the title.

Prince Iaukea is ready for his match with Psychosis on Wednesday. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy. I’m going to make you my next hit.” I hate to admit it, but Psycho Sexy is kind of an awesome name.

Vampiro/Kidman vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea/La Parka

You would think Psychosis would be Prince’s partner here. Prince gets double teamed during his entrance and a four way brawl starts us off. We settle down to Vampiro vs. La Parka and it’s an awkward sequence to start as Prince knees Vampiro in the back but Vampiro doesn’t sell it, only to stop in place so La Parka can chop him. Vampiro throws La Parka to the floor and hits a suicide dive, only to have Prince slam him down to take over. Back in and Prince dives into a raised boot but Kidman has to go break up Torrie vs. Paisley. Vampiro tags Kidman in and walks out, leaving Prince to hit the middle rope DDT for the pin.

Rating: C. Nice little match here but again it was designed to be angle advancement instead of a big match. Kidman taking a fall is never a good thing, but at least it’s setting up a match…which we’ve recently seen twice. La Parka was a pretty random partner for Prince but at least it wasn’t the obvious pick.

Nash says the main event will indeed be a title match.

The Mamalukes show up to Vito’s sister’s wedding. Post break, Vito gives his sister the down payment on a house.

Rhonda Singh vs. Mona

Singh comes out to Chris Jericho’s old theme which is probably an unfunny rib. Oklahoma comes out before the bell and gets in a speech about revitalizing the women’s division. Madusa is going to be guest referee for this match as Tony explains the storyline since it’s oh so complex. Singh shoves Mona down to start and hits a running splash in the corner. A chest bump puts Mona down again and Madusa ignores the covers. Mona’s missile dropkick gets two so she tries a sunset flip but Oklahoma grabs the hands. Madusa kicks it away and gets punched down by Singh, who sits on Mona for the pin, counted by Oklahoma.

Post match Singh kisses Oklahoma, which is just so totally funny that I almost need to pause things to catch up on my laughing.

Vito’s family gets on him for spitting too much.

Flair calls Hogan an easy win and brags about his association with Luger and Liz.

Total Package vs. Terry Funk

Funk sneaks up on him during the entrance and throws some weak left handed punches as Madden talks about the Screen Actors’ Guild. They head outside with Luger nailing a clothesline but Funk puts him down and loads up a table. Liz offers a distraction (better than offering a ball bat shot), allowing Luger to slam him through the table. Fans: “ECW! ECW! ECW!” I’d pay so much money to see Luger in ECW. Back in and Luger works on the spine with forearms and a suplex for no cover. A low blow breaks up the Rack and a DDT gets two. Funk’s moonsault hits chair and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. Egads man. These matches are killing shows to a better degree than the Hogan main events of the late 80s could ever hold to do. Funk is trying but there’s a limit to what he can do with someone as interesting as Luger. Neither guy looked like they were trying and that cripples anything they could have done.

The main event is a title match. A US Title match. It’s about time.

Daphne and David Flair crash the reception and destroy a cake.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat vs. Crowbar/David Flair

Mamalukes are defending, after trading the titles with the Harris Twins over in Germany over the weekend. It’s another brawl in the aisle to start but Crowbar kicks Vito square in the belt, which Vito sells for some reason. The champs fight back and four guys brawl in the ring at the same time. Thankfully Big T. is in a singlet to hide his gut but it can only do so much good.

They settle down to Harlem Heat working over Vito in the corner. We waste time as Madden talks about growing up with Harlem Heat in New York until Vito kicks T. down to take over. It’s quickly off to Stevie vs. Crowbar as this match is all over the place yet still uninspiring stuff. Vito breaks up a cover on Crowbar off Stevie’s Slapjack but David hits Stevie with the crowbar to give Vito the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. How do you have a triple threat tag match and make it this boring? Other than 2XS, is this the entire division? Now I’m supposed to want to watch Flair/Crowbar vs. the Mamalukes on Sunday? Or Booker vs. Big T. again for the rights to Harlem Heat? There are some good things on this show and this really isn’t one of them.

The Mamalukes get beaten up some more post match, including weapons shots from the crazy guys. More time is spent on a stretcher job and the wedding (which is taking place at the arena…..why?) freaks out.

Kanyon thinks Hollywood is a lot more awesome than New York, and he knows that Dustin Rhodes is a horrible actor.

Vito gets off the stretcher and yells a lot.

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

Bigelow is defending. Wall throws in a ladder at the bell but the champ weapons him down, only to miss the top rope headbutt. It’s table time but Bigelow kicks it into Wall’s face, knocking Wall down like a ton of bricks. Back in and Wall whacks Bigelow in the head with some trashcan lids but takes way too long to go to the middle rope. Wall is sent through the table and Greetings From Asbury Park retains Bigelow’s title.

Rating: D. You know all the hardcore matches we’ve seen in recent weeks? This one had Bam Bam Bigelow and the Wall.

Knobbs comes in for a beatdown on Bigelow to give him an advantage on Sunday. Wall gets back up and chokeslams Bigelow. That’s quite the champion.

The Mamalukes want an Italian stretcher match against Flair and Crowbar on Sunday.

The Nitro Girls do a Valentine’s Day routine.

Kanyon vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin breaks up Kanyon’s entrance to continue a running trend tonight. They head outside with Kanyon chasing the referee around, only to eat a bulldog back inside. Shattered Dreams and a Boss Man Slam are enough for the pin on Kanyon in roughly a minute. That’s Kanyon’s last match on TV for over two months.

Hogan threatens to bury Luger if he tries to interfere tonight.

Gene talks to “Booker T.”, who likes the Leave it to Beaver music because it keeps him motivated.

Booker vs. The Demon

Midnight is gone and probably isn’t coming back. Spin kick, ax kick, 110^th Street Slam and Demon keeps losing. Madden says that’s the first time we’ve seen Demon taken apart because he doesn’t pay attention. Or maybe he’s just stupid.

Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

This is billed as a big match in New York. The fans chant for Hogan as he easily shoves Flair out of the corner. This is going to be 1994 all over again isn’t it? Some shoulders put Flair on the floor and it’s time for a breather. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect here and a clothesline puts Flair on the floor again. Hogan slugs away even more on the outside but Flair hits him low and starts in on the knee. Flair gets a quick and bad looking Figure Four but Hogan turns it over for the break.

Ric gets slammed off the top but the knee goes out again to keep Flair in it. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect for the second time in this match and it’s mini Hulk Up time. The Flair Flip sets up a suplex so Ric begs off. Hulk slugs away even more but eats a foreign object to the face. Hart takes the same and now it’s full Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects but Luger comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I can’t give Hogan vs. Flair doing the classics a horrible grade. I know it wasn’t a very good match but how do you not enjoy this just for nostalgia alone? It’s kind of amazing that they really did just do the same thing they’ve done so many times and expect people to care about it but that’s WCW for you.

Funk comes in for a failed save but don’t worry, because Hogan can fight off the greatest odds in the history of great odds. Hogan poses but Luger comes back out with the ball bat to knock Hogan in the head. Now it’s Hogan’s turn to get Pillmanized.

Sid thinks Jarrett having to defend the title is hilarious.

Here’s Ernest Miller because this show can’t just end. James Brown is here and never mind because here’s Maestro to say that he and his piano are the stars of the show. A fight starts in the aisle and never mind because the production team isn’t interested enough to let us watch it.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Jarrett is defending. Sid punches him down to start a few times before firing even more punches in the corner. I guess the fact that Jarrett is actually defending has screwed him up so much that he can’t remember the rest of his offense. They head outside with Sid bashing him in the head with a water bottle, which seems to wake Jeff up as he hammers away back inside.

A sleeper has Sid in trouble but he keeps one arm up to stay alive. Back up and Jeff dives into a low blow, followed by a big boot with Jarrett falling before any contact was made. The chokeslam looks to set up the powerbomb but we get a ref bump, allowing Jarrett to hit Sid with the belt for two because NO OLD PERSON WILL EVER GET PINNED. Jeff Strokes the referee but Sid breaks another one up and puts on the Crossface, drawing in the Harris Twins, allowing Jeff to hit the guitar shot for Mark Johnson to count the pin. Wow an old guy actually laid down, after two people interfered, a belt and guitar shot and a cheating referee.

Rating: F. This was the main event of the show and it took that much to beat Sid? Yeah he’s the World Champion but you could have done the exact same thing with one piece of the interference and, say, a handful of trunks. Jarrett is trying, but Jeff Jarrett in the main event isn’t going to work, especially with someone like Sid.

Overall Rating: F+. The worst part is there’s stuff in this show that has me somewhat interested. WCW has realized there’s a simple solution to getting energy into a segment and make it a lot easier to sit through: put a hot blonde out there. Yeah the opener was bad, but Stacy Keibler was dancing on a table. It’s difficult to not get at least a bit interested when that’s the backdrop. Kidman vs. Vampiro is a good story too, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.

Then…….well then there’s everything else. You have Ferrara continuing to humiliate the women because that’s all he’s good for and the Tag Team Titles being some of the most boring stuff since the days of Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck putting me to sleep back in 1995. We’re about to see the Mamalukes vs. the crazy guys for the fourth time for no particular reason. Add in the fight to sponsor Sesame Street and the midcard is a disaster for the most part.

Finally, and thank goodness for that, there’s the main event scene. Hogan and Flair have the charisma to pull off something like this, but Funk looks like he can barely throw a punch and Luger hasn’t been interesting in years. Therefore, these four are treated as the big attraction while Sid and Jarrett are left to feel like afterthoughts to the other four’s star power. On top of that, Hall was so drunk/high on a flight that he couldn’t get back home from Europe so he wasn’t even here for the show. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be interested in, but they need to find something quick.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Oh now this could be fun. So what we have here is a set of instructions given to the announcers from a few years back. It should be VERY interesting to see some of these details and the rules/ideas they’re told to follow. I’ve read through the list and a lot of them aren’t worth commenting on, but there are some major points of interest. Check out the whole list as it’s interesting information that you will likely say “THANK YOU!” to more than once, but here are some highlights. All of the following are direct quotes.

Note that these are from 2011 at the latest so not everything is going to be completely up to date but it’s nothing out of the ordinary.  Here are the originals if you want to see them:

http://imgur.com/a/NW1WG#DWVb3Il

1. Play by play announcers cannot be emasculated by their broadcast partners.

WOW. They’re getting right to the hypocritical nature of this right off the bat. After all the time that we had to hear Cole rip on JR (even making it a recurring in ring segment), they actually told them beforehand to not emasculate their colleagues. Does Cole work on a different planet or something?

2. Announcers should rarely lead our fans. Let them decide for themselves if they like a Superstar or dislike him.

Yeah screw that face/heel stuff. I know Orton kissed HHH’s unconscious wife and lied about some mental disorder, but does that really make him a bad guy?

3. Announcers ARE NOT THE STARS.

I think we’ve covered this already but dang did they switch this up soon when Vince started liking Cole as Miz’s fanboy.

4. All announcers must read WWE.com every week.

That’s actually a really smart one. Announcers should sound like they know what they’re talking about and should be the experts guiding us through the shows. This is hammered in multiple times and is a very, very good idea.

5. Never assume the viewer watched last week’s broadcast or that they watch any of the other of the WWE brands.

This is one that a lot of big fans forget. Yeah we watch most of if not all of the shows, but there’s always someone flipping through the channels who might not have ever seen a wrestling show before. If they watch it and have no idea what’s going on, why would they keep watching? Get them hooked in and keep saying the details. You don’t have to recap everything, but “Owens has disrespected Cena week after week and Cena wants revenge” tells you almost everything you need to know about their feud in five seconds. Throwing in “Owens, on your left and Cena on your right” wouldn’t hurt either.

6. This is television, not radio. We don’t need to call every move a Superstar makes.

A-FREAKING-MEN! This used to drive me crazy about Joey Styles. I can see what’s going on and I don’t need to be told every single freaking thing that is going on. Cut that nonsense out.

7. DON’T SCREAM!

Yeah yeah yeah we know. You hate Jim Ross and think he was the worst thing ever. Let it go already.

8. Don’t call a move before it happens. If this is so predictable, why are we watching?

Dang Maggle. Steve Austin just kicked someone in the stomach and grabbed their head. You think he might be going for a snapmare next?

9. Our fans are always interested in what happens “in the locker room” or “away from the arena.”

Yes they are. What they’re not interested in is WWE trying to jack up their social media numbers by showing Ambrose walking around with the title on Instagram. Why you ask? BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE IS ON FREAKING INSTAGRAM AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA NUMBERS!

10. Humor is good when it is used in a timely fashion. We are there primarily to inform and entertain.

Wait….so this is Vince’s vision of NOT being funny? Who says that man is out of touch?

11. Do not use pronouns.

This is a rare occasion where speaking like Stephanie is a good thing. There’s nothing wrong with saying “Cena is in trouble” over and over, but you don’t have to use the proper names for everything.

12. Everyone hates being told what to think.

The hypocrisy here speaks for itself.

13. Nobody knows dates, everybody knows when “in two weeks”, “tomorrow”, etc is.

Yes, because everyone on the planet sees this show at the exact same time on the exact same day of the week right? Also, it doesn’t help when on Raw, you say a pay per view is in two weeks when it’s a week and six days. That’s not two weeks, no matter how many times you say it is. Yeah I know what you mean, but if someone is new at this, how do they know when it is? They’re watching this show on Monday, so why would they not think that a big show is going to be taking place in two weeks instead of a regular Raw? “Well that’s not how it works.” Really? It’s how NXT works. Why should a fan think Raw is different?

Words to Avoid

Belt/strap. This has been around for a long time and it’s still stupid. No one cares.

The business/our industry. Unless you’re HHH right?

War. Unless you’re HHH right?

Shot (no title shots). As I have said many times, WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT THIS???

Now for some memos.

Per Kevin Dunn: “Please never use the words “title changing hands” again. Titles are won or lost, they don’t change hands.”

As has been said time after time: Kevin Dunn is an idiot.

Sent by Steph: “Vince would like to reinforce to all announcers NOT to say “the referee didn’t see it” when the referee didn’t see an illegal action. It makes the product feel cheap, like we’re in grade school. It is ok to say “the referee’s vision was impaired”. Or “the referee’s vision was blocked”…

Cheap? How does this make it sound cheap? Or for that matter how does it make us sound like we’re in grade school?

The levels of micromanagement this company has astounds me. I mean, not being able to say a referee didn’t see something? That’s the biggest worry they have? I can easily see why no one wants to stick around on this job and I continue to praise Cole’s ability to not put a gun in his mouth.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 6, 2015
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The big story coming out of last week: product placement and lame action. The shows really aren’t lighting the world on fire right now, but a lot of that has to do with a lack of the Authority and Brock, because without the two of them, them show comes off as a glorified Smackdown. Get to the point already or get rid of the Authority as the main focus of the show because otherwise, a show without them on it isn’t going to go anywhere. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap covers last week’s product placement and Rollins reuniting the team.

We open with Heyman and Lesnar coming out to the exact reaction you would expect for them in a smark paradise like Chicago. Heyman talks about how the Authority thinks Brock is still in Tokyo, because they allowed him to show up tonight. Lesnar is a god and hallowed be his name, but he isn’t a god of love or charity or kindness. No, Lesnar is a god of violent retribution and the sword that will pierce Seth Rollins’ shield.

Heyman brings up the Streak but points out that it wasn’t because of any malice towards Undertaker. Heyman: “This one you’ll cheer.” When Brock took John Cena to Suplex City, it was just because Lesnar wanted the title and not out of disrespect. The same was true for Reigns at Wrestlemania, but it’s not the case for Seth Rollins.

No, Rollins has broken the 11^th commandment by cashing in Money in the Bank, running away from a rematch and having his Authority buddies attack him two weeks ago. Heyman’s job is to sell us on Battleground in St. Louis, but the beatings and the suplexes begin tonight in Chicago. The Beast of Battleground is waiting for the champ tonight, so Rollins better be ready.

Kane is in Hawaii and we have badly photoshopped and unfunny photos to prove it.

The Stooges have taken a road trip and we’re going to get pictures later. That…..could work?

Big Show vs. Ryback

Non-title and Miz is at ringside in director’s chair with a microphone. In an inset interview, Ryback says he is one of the few who can manhandle Big Show and Big Show doesn’t like that. Well not many people would but Ryback never was very insightful. Miz starts shouting into the mic but only tells the big guys to hit each other.

The fans really don’t seem pleased with this one and Show chops Ryback in the corner. Miz: “ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!” Ryback kicks him in the face a few times but Show knees Ryback into the corner. This is a very slow and lumbering match so far which isn’t a great choice for the opening match. Miz distracts Ryback so Show can slam him down as we take a break.

Back with Show holding a leg lock and Miz telling Show that he should never retire (WOO!). Ryback powers out and takes out the knee as well before dropping Show with three straight shoulders. The Meat Hook and a splash get two but the top rope version misses. Show hits a chokeslam and middle rope elbow, drawing in Miz for the double DQ (he was smart enough to hit them both at once) at 9:24.

Rating: D-. I have tried and tried to defend this three way feud but my goodness Big Show is dragging it down. Ryback is trying to become a more interesting character but there’s only so much you can do with Big Show as the power moves against him look cool, but once you’ve seen them a few times (over the last fifteen years or so) they lose a lot of their impact. Let him do comedy again or something, because Show as the big, strong monster is WAY past its expiration date.

Miz attacks both guys and then begs both guys to wait for Battleground. Ignore the large gap behind him where he could run at any time of course. Miz takes a Shell Shock and chokeslam and another Meat Hook drops Show again. At least the champ stood tall.

More Kane hysterics.

The Stooges went to Wrigley Field and weren’t impressed. They could at least take the price sticker off the window. That car better bite the dust before the end of the night.

Brie Bella vs. Paige

Paige gets backdropped to the apron to start and the announcers are already on the amount of days Nikki has held the title. So we’re just stuck with nothing interesting until we get to AJ because Nikki is interesting or something.  Nikki: “BRIE MODE!” You can hear the crowd dying for this one, which could be because this story hasn’t changed in weeks now. Fox gets in a cheap shot but Brie knees down her sister/friend at the same time by mistake. Paige sidesteps the middle rope dropkick ala Samoa Joe but the other girls get involved, setting up the Bella Buster for the pin at 3:12.

Rating: D. This story needs to go somewhere already, and by somewhere I don’t mean having Naomi and Tamina come in to help Paige. This story has been set up for something major and the same Divas being rotated in one more time certainly isn’t it. The Bellas are long past interesting at this point and while Nikki is better than she was, this story needs a rest but we’re pretty much confirmed for the next few months because AJ MUST DIE or something.

Paige gets beaten up post match.

Recap of Wyatt vs. Reigns from last week.

Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

Get your countouts ready now. Reigns shoves the briefcase out of Sheamus’ hands before we start and the brawl is on with a devastating headlock. Sheamus knees him in the ribs to take over but Reigns pulls him off the middle rope and knocks Sheamus outside. They’re still firmly in first power gear at this point.

Sheamus actually wins a slugout on the apron and sends Reigns face first into the post as we go to a break. That looked (and sounded) good at least. Back with Sheamus holding a chinlock and a nice loud CM PUNK chant keeping the crowd from being bored. Reigns’ best way around this is a bunch of clotheslines, followed by a BIG clothesline in the corner. Feel the intensity!

The Irish Curse is countered and a Samoan drop connects. The Superman Punch is countered into another Irish Curse for two but Reigns Superman Punches him out of the air….and here’s Bray. Roman charges up the ramp and Superman Punches….somebody, as Bray pops up on the screen and says anyone but you. Sheamus wins by countout at 11:20.

Rating: C. Decent enough power brawl here but like I said, it was no secret that we were going to get a countout or some kind of wonky finish. It wasn’t anything of note, but there’s only so much you can do with power brawls, especially when we just had one about forty minutes ago. WWE REALLY needs to work on alternating their styles because you keep getting the same styles of matches over and over and they get old fast.

Post match Randy Orton comes out for an RKO. I had been wondering where he was.

The WWE Network is in Italy. Uh….yay.

Rollins comes in to see HHH, who wants to know what Seth is going to do about Brock Lesnar. The champ thinks he has Battleground in the bag, but HHH is worried about tonight. Rollins needs to do the unthinkable tonight: have him laid out by the Authority like they did two weeks ago. To be fair, that is pretty unthinkable. Imagine the Stooges and Rollins being a real threat to Brock.

Here are Rusev and Summer Rae to keep this mess going. Rusev loves having a submissive Summer around but gets annoyed at the fans wanting Lana. He rambles on about being better than Dolph Ziggler until Summer tells the fans to give Rusev the respect he deserves. Rusev: “Thank you hot Summer.” Is she a radio chick now?

Cue Ziggler and Lana with the former saying Rusev achieved everything he has in WWE because of Lana. Dolph says Lana is his now and it’s time for kisses. The girls tease a fight but Rusev blasts Ziggler with the crutch before taking off the boot. This goes on for nearly five minutes with the only highlight being Summer attacking Lana. Ziggler’s comeback didn’t work and the beating just kept going.

This was WAY too long and my goodness Ziggler sucks in this role. After all the years of being with whatever girl can get him somewhere he’s all gaga over yet another good looking blonde because…..she likes him? Is there any other reason for these two to be together? Rusev needs to murder Ziggler and then do something bad to Lana and then never speak of this whole mess again.

Post break they actually do the big serious talk about Ziggler being attacked. Ziggler even did a stretcher job. This story SUCKS and there is no need to ever talk about it again. Figure out how your characters work and then don’t screw with them because going against established characters is one of the worst things you can do in wrestling or any other form of entertainment.

Bo Dallas vs. Dean Ambrose

Before the match, Dallas talks about how that was a bad thing happening to a bad person. Good things happen to people like him though, as long as you BOLIEVE! The dueling WE BOLIEVE/LET’S GO AMBROSE chants start up as Bo gets two off a clothesline before hitting the chinlock. Bo misses a knee drop and gets bulldogged down, setting up Dirty Deeds for the pin at 2:59. This was WWE saying “yeah Ambrose is still a thing after losing Thursday. Oh you didn’t know he lost Thursday? Well then never mind.”

The Stooges got stuck in traffic. Seriously.

R-Truth vs. King Barrett

No entrance for either guy as this feud just keeps going. Barrett stomps him down in the corner to start and a clothesline takes them out to the floor. Truth is sent into the post a few times and we hit the chinlock. A big boot gets two for Barrett and we take a break. Oh freaking joy we get to see more of this match. Barrett hammers away but runs into a series of clotheslines (WAY too popular tonight and in general). Winds of Change is countered into a crucifix for two but a low blow drops Truth. Truth goes up and dives into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 9:37.

Rating: D. So? Barrett has knocked Truth out a few times already, so what difference does it make if he does it again? Why should this horribly uninteresting feud that has made Barrett look even less important than he was when he was Intercontinental Champion? Barrett could be doing ANYTHING else and it would be better but we’re stuck with this. The match was boring too, just like everything else they’ve done.

Back from a break with another look at Ziggler being beaten down. This is treated as way too big of a deal after the mess they’ve made of this feud.

Here’s Rollins with an ax handle and the Stooges with their car and their own ax handles. Oh come on man. No one could possibly be that stupid. Rollins is going to burn Suplex City to the ground before going on about how awesome he is a bit longer. He finally asks if Lesnar is just Heyman’s….uh….I think you can figure this out, so here’s Brock. All three are ready for him so Brock thinks better of it and tells Heyman to bring him something. Heyman brings over an anvil case containing a pair of axes. Oh this is going to be good.

Brock smashes the ax into the car door and can’t even get it out, so he breaks a few windows and tears off a door. The door goes flying into the crowd (apparently hitting a fan, who was ok) and now it’s time for the Stooges to come save their car. Noble winds up with a broken arm and Mercury gets suplexed onto the hood, much to the delight of the crowd. Brock chases Rollins out of the ring and holds up the title to wrap things up.

THIS is what Brock should have been doing for the last six months. Just have him break stuff and be a freak of nature. Don’t have him get beaten down by Kane and the Stooges like EVERY OTHER FACE EVER. That was the problem with the HHH feud: anyone could have played Lesnar’s role. Here, there isn’t anyone else that Rollins hasn’t already beaten or has any real reason to be afraid of anymore so only Brock really fits.

Lucha Dragons vs. New Day

Woods is the odd man out here and the Players are on commentary, with a shirt for Cole. The Dragons speed things up to start but Kofi comes back with a kick to the ribs (devastating!) before it’s off to Big E. Titus goes on about some kind of fungus that Big E. has (maybe he could use a washcloth to clean it up. It didn’t make sense when they said it for weeks on end (and yes I know what it is) so why not say it again here?) before the Dragons clean house and dive on all three New Day guys as we take a break.

Back with Kofi getting two on Kalisto before it’s off to Big E. for more clubbing forearms. The abdominal stretch with the slaps set up a chinlock from Kofi as we hear about where everyone went to college. The hot tag brings in Cara and Titus takes over on commentary, doing a pretty awesome old school play by play, including a quick rant about how he should have JBL’s salary. Everything breaks down and the Midnight Hour ends Cara at 10:16.

Rating: C. This was fine and a nice way to set up the title match at Battleground. Neither of these teams are exactly lighting the world on fire at the moment but it’s nice to see something other than the team fighting over and over again. Titus continues to be WAY more charismatic than half the roster and deserves the success he’s having.

Steve Austin is on the cover of WWE2K16.

It’s Open Challenge time but first we get a package on Owens losing the NXT Title in Tokyo over the weekend. Cena says have no fear because the champ is here, meaning there will be a title match right here on Raw. Again Owens interrupts and says this is the worst part of the show every week because the people have to listen to Cena saying the same garbage over and over again. The bell is about to ring but here’s Cesaro one more time. Cesaro says he deserves another shot because he had Cena ready to tap out but Owens cost him the title shot. Owens walks away from the threat of violence and it’s time for a rematch.

US Title: Cesaro vs. John Cena

Cena is defending of course. A quick uppercut puts Cena down on the floor and we take a very early break. Stop doing that nonsense and just have the bell after the break. We got maybe 40 seconds of “action” and then miss three and a half minutes. I hate that way of thinking. Back with Cesaro stomping away as he almost has to play the heel here, even though he’s turned face for all intents and purposes.

A one arm delayed vertical suplex with a squat gets two but Cena shrugs it off (because it’s a suplex) and drops Cesaro with a front face electric chair drop. The AA is countered into a DDT for two and it’s off to the chinlock. That’s good for a second commercial in about five minutes of actual match time because they’re really trying to fill in time. Back with Cesaro catching Cena’s shoulder in a backbreaker and countering the Shuffle with a crossface.

That’s countered into an AA attempt but Cena has to settle for the STF instead. A rope is grabbed so Cesaro rolls some gutwrench suplexes for two of his own. That was a cool looking spot, as always. Cena blocks the Swing by doing a big situp into a DDT for two of his own and the fans are starting to buy into this. Cena rolls through a cross body into the AA but Cesaro lands on his feet.

Swiss Death is countered into a hurricanrana for two and both guys are down. The fans officially think this is awesome so they’ve won over one of the tougher crowd. Cesaro makes it even more awesome with a spinning springboard uppercut for an even closer two. They fall to the floor with Cena backdropping him into the timekeeper’s area but the referee takes his time counting. Well to be fair that’s not really a main event level finish so you can’t go there again.

Cena shoves Cesaro off the top for two off the Fameasser and then tells him to hold the ropes, which Cesaro does to counter another AA. A HUGE Swiss Death connects for two more but a quick AA gets the same. Both guys are spent so Cesaro is able to grab the Swing, setting up the Sharpshooter which he transitions into another crossface, but Cena slips out and puts on the STF.

Cesaro powers out of THAT and lifts Cena up into the air for a snap suplex. That is just scary, scary power. The Springboard Stunner misses so badly that Cesaro just Neutralizes Cena for two instead of going down. Cena’s tornado DDT is stopped in midair and Cesaro slaps him down into another crossface, sending Cena into the ropes for a chorus of boos.

The apron superplex (with EASE) gets two but Cena pops back up and floats over into a Batista Bomb (the sign of Cena being desperate) for a sloppy two, as called out by the announcers. Cena takes him to the corner but almost gets caught in a super Neutralizer, only to be countered into a super AA to retain the title at a mind blowing 30:10.

Rating: A-. Yo Vince, I think the guy can connect to the fans. Cesaro is basically where Dolph Ziggler was a few years ago: having really entertaining matches but never being able to show what else he can do because he’s never given the chance. Cesaro is one of the rare cases where he nails every single thing he’s asked to do and almost everyone is begging for him to move up to the next level, but something about a superhuman freak with a good look who can speak five languages fluently and has nearly fifteen years experience doesn’t click with Vince and for some reason the guy never gets the push he deserves.

At least there was this though, which is somehow better than last week’s near classic. Cena and Cesaro are guys with incredible chemistry and yet another example of someone going out there and having maybe the match of their lives against Cena. I’m hoping that when Cena retires, people look back at him in awe because this is a once in a generation kind of talent and we take him for granted.

Owens runs in and eats an AA to close the show.

Overall Rating: C. It took a lot to bail this show out but thankfully the main event is awesome and eats up well over half an hour to close things out. Other than that and the awesome BROCK SMASH segment, there really wasn’t much to see here. The wrestling in the first hour was horribly lame and the Rusev vs. Ziggler stuff has to end with Ziggler getting eaten like a Russian stew or the whole thing is an even bigger disaster than I was expecting. The main event leaves this on a very positive note, but there’s a lot for it to overcome here.

Results

Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double DQ when Miz interfered

Brie Bella b. Paige – Bella Buster

Sheamus b. Roman Reigns via countout

Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds

John Cena b. Cesaro – Middle rope Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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I’m still in England so Raw should be up tomorrow.  Use this thread to discuss whatever happens and come up with your own ways to blame the Authority for Raw sucking.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 6, 2015
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The big story coming out of last week: product placement and lame action. The shows really aren’t lighting the world on fire right now, but a lot of that has to do with a lack of the Authority and Brock, because without the two of them, them show comes off as a glorified Smackdown. Get to the point already or get rid of the Authority as the main focus of the show because otherwise, a show without them on it isn’t going to go anywhere. Let’s get to it.

And that’s not good.

Something I didn’t get around to reporting last week was that the ratings for Raw were a disaster (come on guys you can watch even though your boss is gone). Here’s the thing though: it really isn’t hard to figure out why. The problem is, and I hate to admit it, the Authority wasn’t around. WWE has pretty much made it clear that if they’re not around then Raw is basically a glorified Smackdown.

Yeah stuff might happen, but it’s either wrapped up later in the night and barely mentioned again, or completely erased by the Authority. The show has turned into everyone dancing around to entertain HHH and Stephanie as they get to ignore almost all character motivation and logic for the sake of keeping themselves looking good.

The fans know that if the Authority isn’t around, big stuff isn’t happening and they’re much better off going to bed or doing something else and checking the results later, because three hours of mediocre wrestling (and a John Cena match), uninteresting stories and Rollins trying to figure out if he’s his own man or needs to buy the rest of the team presents to save him from some big bad isn’t enough to hook you in all night. WWE can change this line of thinking pretty easily, but it’s been proven before that they’re not very interested in getting Stephanie and HHH off TV that easily and I can’t imagine it happens anytime soon.

With a wrestler!  From Progress Wrestling, Bodyguy Johnson.

http://mightynorcal.podbean.com/e/wwp-episode-17-the-day-has-finally-come-professional-wrestler-bodyguy-johnson-from-progress-wrestling-joins-us-to-give-insight-into-going-from-fan-to-wrestler/