Monday Night Raw
Date: May 25, 2015
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s Memorial Day and also the last Raw before Elimination Chamber. The two Chamber matches are set and we also have the World Title match ready to go, leaving just the details to be added to the matches to make things fully ready. There’s also the issue of Owens powerbombing Cena last week and standing on his US Title. Let’s get to it.

We open with the traditional salute to the veterans who have passed away serving their country. In the arena, we have a moment of silence and a ten bell salute. WWE always does a great job with these things.

Here’s the Authority in full to open things up. After a look at the ending to last week’s show, Seth talks about Ambrose coercing the Authority into giving him a title at Elimination Chamber last week. That’s not how the Authority operates because it’s not best for business. Therefore, couldn’t the Authority just take away the title match or fire Ambrose right now? Well they could and they considered it, but Rollins asked them not to.

HHH has a contract ready for Ambrose to sign so here’s Dean to the stage. Dean thinks there might be something wrong with him because he’s been having trouble sleeping lately. He’s tried counting sheep but he would rather count the times he punches Rollins in the face. It’s the closest thing to happiness he can have and that’s what he got last week. He always enjoys beating Seth up, but next time he wants it to be for the World Title.

Once he becomes the new face of the WWE, there are going to be some changes. The Stooges can go barefoot like some respectable hobbits and Kane can just wear a collar like the lapdog that he is. That leaves Rollins to drunk dial Selena Gomez like the Justin Bieber that he is.

Rollins shrugs off the Justin Bieber chants by actually defending him, saying the fans all want to be Bieber, just like Ambrose wants to be like Seth. He talks about Ambrose being a loser all his life and asks him to sign so he can lose one more time. Really good back and forth segment here with the Authority just being in the background while it happened. Ambrose comes to the ring but here’s Reigns to have his back. Stephanie gets on the mic and says Dean can sign the contract until the end of the show, but until then, it’s Reigns/Ambrose vs. Rollins/Kane right now.

Seth Rollins/Kane vs. Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns

Kane slugs Ambrose in the corner to start but Dean punches and chops up against the ropes. Off to Reigns who takes Kane down with a suplex before Rollins comes in to do the same to Ambrose. It’s quickly back to Reigns for a Samoan drop on Seth but he goes outside to chase the Stooges off, only to get caught in a chinlock back inside. A lukewarm tag brings in Ambrose for shots in the corner and a clothesline to put Seth outside, setting up the suicide dive. The good guys stand tall and we take a break.

Back with Rollins stopping a Dean comeback and getting some nice applause from the Stooges. A big time clothesline puts Rollins down and the hot tag brings in Reigns. Roman cleans house for a bit until a Kane boot puts him down. That earns him a Superman Punch and the top rope elbow from Dean for two with Rollins making the save. The springboard knee to the head gets two for Seth (that looked good) but an enziguri knocks Dean into the ropes, only to have him bounce back and grab a backslide to pin Rollins at 13:25.

Rating: C-. The wrestling was fine but it was really hard to care about this one. It’s almost the same match we’ve seen a dozen times with one or two pieces being changed without anything really changing. Ambrose getting the pin is the right idea for this match to set up Sunday, but these tag matches are almost impossible to get up for these days.

After a break, Ambrose says he’ll get the contract signed later in the night. The Stooges come up and say they have the contract but Mercury forgot it. Noble: “Well slap me upside my head and call me Sally!” Always the gentleman, Ambrose does just that and beats up the two of them before punching a cameraman by mistake. Dean looks upset by what he did to the innocent guy.

Video package on Kevin Owens’ career.

The cast of the movie Entourage arrives and don’t get much of a reaction.

Rusev vs. R-Truth

Rusev is officially Bulgarian again. Truth gets in a few shots but the Accolade wraps things up in 59 seconds.

Post match Rusev says he and Lana need to talk so please get down here. He stays in the ring waiting for her through a break asking her to come out and talk to him. Come on man. At least have a giant boom box. Lana finally comes out but won’t let Rusev hold the ropes open for her. Rusev knows she cares about him, even with all the mistakes she’s made and that he makes sure to list off.

It’s not her fault though. She’s a woman, and all women make mistakes. He talks about the dreams they had back in Bulgaria and asks her to take his hand….which she eventually does. Rusev wants to hear three magical words though: “I was wrong.” That’s too much for Lana though as she shoves his hand away and leaves, saying Rusev quit. Rusev: “YOU NEED TO KNOW YOUR PLACE WOMAN!” Lana calls him a liar and a quitter. No one earns her, especially Rusev. She leaves yet again and here’s Ziggler for another kiss.

So yeah, remember the last year plus of Rusev being a monster who beat Cena by knockout at Fast Lane? Well screw all that because we need to put him in a stupid soap opera style story because EVERYONE is a character like that who needs to have depth and emotions and all that nonsense.

HHH and Rollins come into Ambrose’s locker room and have the cameraman say that Ambrose hit him, despite thinking someone pushed him. Dean is arrested (“Yeah I’ve heard this before.”) and HHH smiles.

Post break the Stooges laugh at Ambrose as he’s taken away.

King Barrett vs. Ryback

Ryback still has bad ribs coming in. Barrett is thrown around to start and planted with an early powerslam but he rolls outside. Ryback follows but takes a hard kick to the ribs to give the King control. Back in and some kicks to the ribs followed by a middle rope elbow get two. Wasteland gets the same as Barrett wisely stays on the ribs. The Bull Hammer takes too long to set up though, allowing Ryback to hit a spinebuster and the Shell Shock for the pin at 3:56.

Rating: D+. So Barrett just spent the entire match working on the ribs and then Ryback hit his power moves like he was perfectly fine. Nothing to see here other than yet ANOTHER Barrett loss, which just keep coming and coming and coming. This was another match designed to set up the Chamber but with no time to get there because we need more stupid soap opera nonsense.

The cast of Entourage comes in to see the Authority and name drop people cameoing in their movie. They bring up Rhonda Rousey making Stephanie scream at Wrestlemania and are politely asked to leave.

Tough Enough videos.

Stardust vs. Neville

Stephen Amell of Arrow is in the front row. Neville vs. Bo Dallas is official for Sunday. Stardust goes after the bad knee to start as the announcers talk about Stardust and Amell feuding on Twitter. As Stardust puts on a half crab, Bo Dallas slowly walks to the ring to cheer for Neville. Stardust can’t hit a superplex as Neville kicks him down and nails a tornado DDT, setting up the Red Arrow (after some slaps to the bad knee to wake it up again) for the pin at 3:19.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing special, but this is the kind of match I like: a guy with a pay per view match having a bit of a sweat before beating a guy with a nice resume. We don’t get these nearly enough. It sets up the match on Sunday and keeps Neville from having to waste a big match. Good booking but not a great match.

Post match Dallas tells him to Bolieve and kicks the knee out again.

The Entourage guys hit on the Total Divas, creating a massive vortex of indifference. Zack Ryder comes up and asks them to come into his dressing room because he has an idea.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

Cole incorrectly says the Intercontinental Title is the only title Sheamus has never held (Tag Team Titles being the other). Sheamus runs him over to start as the announcers talk about Lana and Rusev. We’re already in the chinlock with Sheamus talking a lot of trash at the same time. They head outside with Dolph ramming him into the announcers’ table, only to get kicked in the knee back inside.

A Cactus clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Sheamus powerslams him outside, drawing Lana to the stage to watch. Back from a break with Sheamus getting two off a neckbreaker but Ziggler fights up with a bunch of forearms. The Fameasser gets two and Ziggler escapes White Noise and ducks the Brogue Kick. Ziggler’s superkick gets two and here comes Rusev to the ring for a distraction, allowing Sheamus to hit the Brogue Kick for the pin at 10:20.

Rating: C. And we’re DONE with the Intercontinental Title preview matches. This is one of those ideas where WWE does one match and then just MUST do the exact same idea three times in one show with no one looking good coming out of it because none of this matters for Sunday. Decent match but my goodness this show has killed my interest.

Rusev puts on the Accolade to make Ziggler look at Lana. “KISS HIM NOW!”

It’s Open Challenge time. Fans: “JOHN CENA SUCKS!” Cena to the camera: “I guess the remix is still a popular song.” Cena says in the last ten years, the WWE Universe can be summed up in five words: “Let’s go Cena, Cena sucks.” He thanks the fans who believe in hustle, loyalty and respect but has to stop for a WE WANT RYDER chant. Those people have had his back for years and he thanks them from the bottom of his heart.

That brings him to the other group of fans, who have been begging for someone to get in this ring and knock him down. Name after name have tried to do just that but all of them have failed. Last week he met Kevin Owens, who broke the internet last week and then broke his best friend Sami Zayn in half.

Maybe that’s why the fans think Kevin Owens is the man that can put Cena down for good. This Sunday those fans that chant CENA SUCKS can instead chant FIGHT OWENS FIGHT. Owens can fight all he wants because it doesn’t mean WIN OWENS WIN. Last week Cena found out that Owens knows how to start a fight and this Sunday he’ll find out if Owens can finish one. That’s Sunday though, so let’s get to tonight. The Open Challenge starts right now.

Cena is ready and here’s the cast of Entourage. Cole: “Really?” Thankfully they’re just here to introduce the man taking the challenge.

US Title: John Cena vs. Zack Ryder

The Entourage cast is at ringside. Some early suplexes get two for Cena to start but Ryder comes back with the middle rope dropkick. Cena avoids the Broski Boot and starts his finishing sequence, only to have one of the Entourage guys get in for a distraction. A quick rollup gets two on Cena but Ryder counters the AA into a Killswitch for two. Now the Broski Boot gets two and the Rough Ryder gets the same. Zack goes up top but misses a 450 of all things, setting up the AA for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, it would have been cool to see Ryder get the big win to close out the building but you can’t do something like that to Cena here. Ryder looked good here and hopefully gets some more TV time out of a good performance like this. The 450 wasn’t half bad either.

Cena, Ryder and the Entourage guys get to pose in the ring for a nice moment. Cena poses on his own but turns around for a Pop Up Powerbomb from Owens, now wearing a FIGHT OWENS FIGHT shirt. Owens stomps on the US Title again for good measure.

The Authority recaps the Ambrose incident.

Now the announcers recap the Ambrose incident.

Tamina vs. Paige

Bellas are on commentary. Tamina knocks her to the floor to start and slaps on a neck crank. A quick rollup gets two for Paige followed by her three clotheslines and a dropkick. Nikki gets in a quick cheap shot though and Tamina’s Samoan drop is good for the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D-. Oh sweet goodness really? This is the best thing they can do? We’re six days before the Divas title match and the #1 contender just got pinned by the enforcer in less than four minutes. I know Tamina is Jimmy Snuka’s daughter or whatever, but that doesn’t make her the slightest bit interesting. Bad match here and even dumber booking.

Here’s the New Day to say it’s preposterous and ridiculous that they’re being persecuted for being positive. No one wants to see them lose their titles! Just ask the WWE Universe! Cue Kane to say that the Chamber is fair, but the following match isn’t quite the same.

Cesaro/Tyson Kidd/Los Matadores/Lucha Dragons/Prime Time Players/Ascension vs. New Day

10-3 handicap match and joined in progress with……never mind as all ten come in for the big beatdown and the DQ at 49 seconds. Yes, the HEELS are in a big handicap match and were put there by a heel. I guess logic and the Curb Stomp can chill together on the banned list.

We get the big brawl with the Dragons diving on most of the other people at the same time. New Day stands tall, only to have Cesaro and Kidd come in and clean house.

Preview of the preview of the Daniel Bryan documentary airing on the Network tonight.

We get a second angle of Ambrose punching the camerman (from the WWE Youtube channel because of course it is) because Rollins shoved Ambrose into him. This really doesn’t change anything as Ambrose still turned around and punched him, but this show is a sitcom instead of a wrestling show.

Here’s the Authority for the big stupid ending to this stupid, stupid show. Yeah there’s a video, yeah there’s evidence saying Ambrose is innocent (he isn’t) but there’s no time. Therefore….cue Reigns before HHH can say it’s too late. The brawl is on, Reigns gets beaten down, Ambrose shows up in the police van and wearing police gear, and the big brawl allows Ambrose to sign just in time. CUE THAT LAUGH TRACK AND END THEME SONG!!!

Overall Rating: F. Yeah it failed. I was miserable watching this show as they took a huge leap backwards from all the good stuff they had been doing in the last few weeks. Instead of the fun matches and high energy, this was ALL about the backstage stuff and in ring segments with the Authority being on screen WAY too much. Look at some of the things they were doing out there and tell me they were segments we needed to see. The Entourage guys were on TV like four times and added nothing. They certainly weren’t bad, but have them out there once and stop showing them otherwise.

On top of that…..my goodness just make Rusev into the crying Zack Ryder when Eve left him. No it won’t be that bad, but my goodness man, what in the world is the point of this stupid love triangle story? What WWE doesn’t understand is there are some people who shouldn’t be like everybody else. Yeah Rusev is a human, but he needs to be treated like a monster. Let him just be the guy that got this far and stop trying to add dimensions to him. There are some people it’s ok to mess with, but Rusev isn’t that kind of character.

Then there’s the stupid contract signing deal, which comes off like a sitcom plot: it’s some wacky situation which JUST HAPPENS to work due to some master plan coming together, but it somehow manages to all unravel just as the show goes off the air with the Authority shouting that they’ll get you next time Ambrose, NEXT TIME!!!

I was livid sitting through this show as they just completely turned off the reality and made it into the biggest TV show schtick they could. That’s not even talking about the HORRIBLE booking choices of having three Intercontinental Title preview matches that went nowhere and barely set up the Chamber whatsoever. Horrible, horrible show here and wouldn’t you know it: it’s also the first show in a long time where Stephanie was a featured player. How about that.

Results

Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns b. Seth Rollins/Kane – Backslide to Rollins

Rusev b. R-Truth – Accolade

Ryback b. King Barrett – Shell Shock

Neville b. Stardust – Red Arrow

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler – Brogue Kick

John Cena b. Zack Ryder – Attitude Adjustment

New Day b. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd/Los Matadores/Lucha Dragons/Ascension/Prime Time Players via DQ when all ten attacked New Day at the same time

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

We’re done with Payback and therefore it’s time to race towards the Elimination Chamber show because we must get it in before people have to start paying for the Network again. The big story here is Rollins retaining the World Title over his former Shield teammates and Orton in a good four way last night, but now everything is about getting to Elimination Chamber.

The Authority was back, complete with HHH’s slow talking and Stephanie dropping in every proper name that she could in a manner that no one uses in the real world. They don’t have much to say here (thank goodness) other than All Hail Rollins and that he’s getting a tribute later in the night.

This brought them to the Elimination Chamber, which led to interruptions from Ryback and Sheamus. Both of them are announced for the match but of course they’ll be fighting tonight too. The match was nothing out of the ordinary with Sheamus Brogue Kicking a distracted Ryback for the pin. I’m glad it’s only a two week build to the Chamber as you can only have the people in the match do these simple matches for so long before they lose their effectiveness. The match was fine and I like Sheamus winning, but I think Ryback’s push is in major trouble after back to back losses.

Kane was put in charge of the celebration tonight and didn’t seem to mind. Ambrose came in and asked for a title shot but was given a match against Bray Wyatt tonight. This was a great example of people being in the right place at the right time saying the right things to move the show forward, making it feel very unnatural.

Neville was being interviewed when Bo Dallas came out. This seems to be the next feud as Dallas isn’t cool with Neville bringing up their history in NXT. Dallas attacked Neville’s previously injured knee, allowing Barrett to take Neville down pretty easily. This wasn’t much of a match due to the time, but I’m getting worried about Neville doing the same things every time. He’s going to be over due to his high flying abilities for a long time, but some of that heat is going to wear off and he needs to have something to build himself back up. The knee injury and a feud with Dallas are a good start though and there’s no reason to panic.

Rusev yelled at Lana a lot and broke up with her. Later that night, Lana came out and kissed Ziggler. I’m not wild on pairing her with Ziggler, but I’m even less wild about how fast this turn started and wrapped up. One week she was Fandangoing and then she’s being dumped by Rusev? That’s because here in WWE, we have to get the next story set up before the pay per view because Heaven forbid we wait more than a few weeks to set something up.

Bray Wyatt beat Dean Ambrose in a match built around a ton of interference and cheating, which is the only way to have that result. This was the usual good brawl between these guys but did you really expect anything else?

Cesaro and Kidd failed to win the Tag Team Titles again after a no contest with New Day. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere and was really just a way to extend the feud yet another week as we’re getting closer and closer to Elimination Chamber, where this time FOR SURE we’re getting new champions. The feud and matches are still fun, but they’re running out of ways to have New Day survive without getting repetitive.

After the match, Ascension, the Lucha Dragons, Los Matadores and the Prime Time Players came out to confirm that it’s going to be six teams in the Chamber instead of just three. This makes for a very interesting match where it’s possible that several teams could walk out with the titles. Well other than Los Matadores or Prime Time Players of course but the other four all have at least a chance. I’m not sure who wins there and I love that feeling.

Now we get to the money part of the show: the US Open Challenge. This week’s was answered by NXT Champion Kevin Owens, who gave one of the best debut promos that I’ve ever seen, as he talked about the NXT Title being the real prize to fight for and how Cena doesn’t get to give him advice or pick the time where they fight. I’ve spent a lot of time on the podcasts on how much I loved this segment and Owens comes off like one of the best villains in a long time. He can back it up in the ring too and he’ll get to show that at Elimination Chamber. That’s a non-title match too, which a lot of people seem to be overlooking.

Dolph Ziggler beat Stardust in a very short match to set up Lana kissing him. I’m really not wild on that move but it’s what we’re stuck with for the time being, meaning Dolph is right back where he was a few years ago.

The Wyatts crushed Ryder/Fandango in a match designed to say “yo, we’re monsters.”

Nikki beat Naomi via DQ when Tamina interfered. Paige returned for the save and laid out Nikki in what wasn’t a heel turn.

The big ending segment was a long, drawn out exchange with Rollins making Kane praise him before Dean came out and threatened to put him through some cinder blocks until he was given a title shot. A bunch of brawling ensued and Rollins hit a Pedigree to stand tall to end the show.

I tried really hard to get into this one but it didn’t leave much for me to care about. The main event stuff has too many people floating around it right now. You have the Authority bosses, Kane, the Stooges (ok they don’t count as much) and the two guys in the match. They need to just let Ambrose and Rollins carry this instead of just putting everyone they can in there and making it a big mess all over again.

The rest of the show was an improvement over the main event with the Chamber matches both looking good and Owens vs. Cena making me all tingly. If they can keep the HHH/Stephanie involvement to a minimum, we could be looking at a very hot card at Elimination Chamber. Or we could be looking at the same lazy stuff WWE does over and over to waste their potential.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

This time we talk some TNA demise (this year’s version at least), Payback and Elimination Chamber with some fantasy booking, some what if scenarios and a nice ride through the Georgia countryside.

http://mightynorcal.podbean.com/e/wwp-episode-9-kb-and-myself-run-down-the-eternally-impending-demise-of-tna-review-payback-and-preview-elimination-chamber/

Ignoring all the in ring action and all the characters and match time either group gets, here’s how I know the NXT division is treated more seriously.

One is simple and effective.

The other is a butterfly.

Which of these would you think is the more serious championship and division contending for it?

We continue to marathon these pay per views and the big question here is can Payback continue to be the most unlikely good series in wrestling? The main event is a well enough built up fatal fourway with Rollins defending against Reigns, Ambrose and Orton, basically making it a Shield triple threat with Orton on the side. Let’s get to it.

I’m getting through the pre-show matches as fast as I can so I never have to think about them again. R-Truth beat Stardust in a bonus match with all the charm of a bad infection. These two have fought two or three times now and it’s gotten less and less interesting every single time. Therefore, look for them to fight again in the future.

In the other pre-show match, Ascension beat the Mega (changed from Meta for reasons of good taste) Powers in a short match. I would praise WWE for not going with the comedy act here, but I have some issues giving them credit for upgrading from a horrible move to common sense. Yeah they put Ascension over a newly formed comedy team. Am I supposed to be impressed? Finally, does anyone else feel dirty about calling them the Mega Powers?

The opener was a good back and forth match between Dolph Ziggler in Sheamus to seemingly blow off their feud. The key here was the end of the match where Ziggler headbutted Sheamus and busted himself open hardway, which caused the match to end in a hurry. Now granted they didn’t have to cut off much time as the match ran twelve minutes, but it always makes me curious to know what they were going to do otherwise.

Sheamus getting a nice win is the right idea though as he needs the push more than Ziggler. I’m pretty much over Dolph at the moment as he’s been the same guy for the better part of ever now. Yeah his matches are still good enough, but I haven’t been excited to see a Ziggler match in years now.

For reasons I don’t quite get, Kane and Rollins argued even more. On pay per view. I’m going to be really surprised if they set up a Kane face turn as that would be so far out of the realm of common sense these days for WWE. Rollins is almost going to have to turn face eventually though, as it’s the nature of being a heel in wrestling.

Now it’s time for the match people were drooling over: New Day defending the Tag Team Titles against Cesaro/Tyson Kidd in a 2/3 falls match. This had the potential to be one of the most entertaining matches in a very long time if they set it up right, but unfortunately that’s not exactly the way they went about it. Cesaro/Kidd won the first fall in less than three minutes (off a mostly botched Swing into the dropkick). This never sits well with me as the champions just got pinned in almost no time. Let the thing stretch out a bit or have them win the first fall by cheating so it doesn’t look that easy.

A bad looking Midnight Hour (with Kofi’s arm hitting Kidd’s back instead of being a DDT) tied things up in less than nine minutes total and NOW we could pick things up. This is where they get into the insanity with the hot near falls and all the good stuff…..and it was about five minutes long.

That’s where the match lost me a bit as the majority of the match was done in the first two falls instead of the really hot ending. This needed to be more of a bottom heavy match, setting up the really smart finish of having Woods pretend to be Kofi to steal the final pin. Yeah it’s borderline racist, but it was a really smart and even funny way to keep the belts on New Day. I would have liked more time here though and more offense from the challengers, but entertaining stuff all around.

Bray Wyatt and Ryback had a good power brawl built around the idea that Ryback had busted up ribs due to a backsplash off the apron from Wyatt. Granted it didn’t work as well as when Ryback hit a top rope splash and didn’t sell the ribs all that well. Either way, this was a fun enough match with Ryback going down at the end as he should have. Wyatt needed the win a lot more than Ryback did, but neither guy really needed a major loss at this point. Both guys are in need of a direction though, and that’s way too common a problem at this http://onhealthy.net/product-category/adhd/ level of the card.

Now we had the most entertaining and probably divisive match of the night as John Cena defended the US Title against Rusev in their final battle with an I Quit match. These two beat the living tar out of each other for nearly half an hour with the spots getting bigger and bigger. I had a great time here as they kept building up to the big ending, but the key was I wound up forgetting that it was an I Quit match other than the constant DO YOU QUIT. I know a lot of people have found this annoying, but I really didn’t have a big problem with it. Yeah they said it a lot, but that’s kind of the point of the match no?

This was exactly what this match should have been with both guys beating the living tar out of each other until Lana submitted for Rusev, which is likely going to trigger their split. It’s not the beat match in the world, but it was more than entertaining enough which is the right way to go with something like this. Rusev can get right back on track by beating like, anyone in a big match, so this didn’t hurt him all that bad. At the end of the day, he was destined to lose this feud, though I could have done with cutting the chain match and just going with this as the finale at Extreme Rules.

We’ll follow that up with my favorite part of the night: a quick New Day promo where they drink milk out of champagne glasses, brag about not complaining or swearing…..and of course do a spot take, complain and swear upon hearing that they’ll be defending their titles inside the Elimination Chamber. That’s the perfect moment for these three and I laughed just as much as I expected to. These guys can do no wrong at the moment and they’re a major highlight for me.

Naomi and Tamina beat the Bellas in the worst match of the night, which had some bad looking botches, bad timing and the least time of any match on the main card. This was nothing more than a way to set up Nikki vs. Naomi for the title, which really should have just been here instead of the next night on Raw but WWE doesn’t have the best logic at times anyway.

Neville beat King Barrett via countout in a good but short match. This was designed to introduce Neville’s knee injury, which seems to be his major story going forward. It doesn’t really change much about his offense, but at least they’re giving him some attention instead of just letting him be the same guy week after week until the crowd gets bored with him.

That brings us to the main event which is your standard wild brawl with all four getting in their big stuff with a bunch of near falls to tease a title change that was never coming. The big deal here was a very short Shield reunion, which blew the roof off the place for just a few moments. That’s all the validation they need to pull the trigger on a real reunion for the trio one day, as those three are going to be a force going forward.

The match itself was fun and that’s all it really needed to be. Thankfully Orton ate the pin because he’s a made man who can do whatever he wants and keep popping back up without any real damage being done to him. The ending came when Rollins Pedigreed Orton for the pin, which I’m assuming is to fuel Rollins vs. HHH down the line, but it comes off as more like Rollins screaming for his daddy’s attention. Good match, not my favorite ending though. I didn’t mind all the brawling like some have though. Rollins is a heel who cheated. Why is this some big surprise?

Overall, Payback was another big surprise as they had no reason for this to be much of anything, but it wound up being a more than entertaining show with some really solid matches in there. I don’t know if it’s due to the really low expectations or the really hard work, but for a show with nothing important going on, Payback was really fun and a great surprise.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

We’re back after NorCal’s work schedule has cleaned up.  Tonight we talk about Takeover, the NXT house show NorCal went to and a good discussion on the territory system and why the future looks bright.

http://mightynorcal.podbean.com/e/wwp-is-back-with-episode-8-kb-returns-to-review-takeover-and-listen-to-me-regale-you-all-with-my-nxt-live-event-experience-plus-network-reccomendations/

Lucha Estrellas
Date: March 9, 2015
Location: Puerto Rico
Commentator: Nelson Santano

This almost has to be better than the previous show I sat through, as I believe we’re still coming up on the big show that they spent half the hour hyping up. Carlito is still feuding with Mighty Ursus but also has to deal with the young guy from last time…..whoever that was. Let’s get to it.

We open with a shortened version of the same opening from last time, with Carlito destroying the convenience store and flashbacks to the cage match.

Clips of the end of yesterday’s main event with the young boy (wearing a mask) coming in and attacking Carlito until La Revolucion ran in to save Carlito. We also get the young guy talking to his brother.

The young guy was on the phone since yesterday.

Opening sequence.

Same Peter the Bad Romance promo from yesterday. Why don’t I just watch that show again?

Clip of the ending of Peter vs. Angel Cotto with Peter winning with a fisherman’s driver.

Same house show ad that I’ve seen like five times in an hour and a half.

And now, back to June 27, 1977 in Madison Square Garden for a WWWF match announced by Vince McMahon! Why you ask? Well likely because this is on the Network and more interesting than whatever nonsense I’ll have to sit through otherwise.

Chad Nelson vs. Jose Gonzalez

Joined in progress with Chad cranking on the arm. Jose fights up and sends him into the buckle with one of those firey Latin comebacks. This time it’s Jose starting in on the arm before four straight dropkicks put Nelson away.

Rating: F. Four dropkicks? Seriously, four straight versions of the same move? This went on nearly ten minutes in full and I can’t imagine wanting to ever see either of these guys again. Luckily neither guy ever did anything that I know of and it’s fairly easy to see why after a performance like this.

Same promos for the Tag Team Title match from yesterday.

Carlito and the guy on the phone, just like yesterday. They really don’t change these things do they?

Puerto Rican Title: Chicano vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

Yes that Rodriguez, who is challenging here. Chicano is very tattooed but has a good look for the most part. As you might expect, Ricardo is quickly knocked to the floor to start and Chicano sends him into the post. Back in and Rodriguez gets in a shot to take over and heads back outside to choke from the floor. We hit a reverse chinlock but Ricardo lets it go to yell at the fans as we go to a break for more promos and house show ads.

Back with Chicano kicking out at two and backdropping Ricardo to get a breather. A huge clothesline gets two for Chicano as the announcers are now doing house show ads. Ricardo hits a jumping knee to the face but misses a moonsault. He’s up fast enough to go up top, only to get shoved back down, setting up a Swanton to give Chicano the pin.

Rating: D+. Chicano looked good and thankfully Ricardo had a shirt on here. This wasn’t much of a match but at least Chicano got to show off and hit a good looking Swanton to end it. He would win the Universal Title less than a month after this show, so there was clearly something to him.

La Revolucion runs in to beat Chicano down post match. Apparently Chicano is challenging for the Puerto Rico Title, held by one of the nameless members of La Revolucion.

La Revolucion rants about Chicano.

Chicano rants about La Revolucion.

The young guy gets out of his car and goes to the house of some old guy, presumably for training.

Hey look: ads for a show.

William de la Vega and another guy yell about Superstar Ash.

The old guy talks to the young guy to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. This show comes off like the old Memphis TV show: a glorified commercial for the upcoming arena shows, minus the interesting promos and the cool angles. Maybe the language barrier is messing things up for me, but this really isn’t a fun show to watch, even if you can cut out about forty percent of it with the ads and replays from last week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Lucha Estrellas
Date: March 8, 2015
Location: Puerto Rico
Commentator: Nelson Santano

We’re going down to Puerto Rico today because my e-book cover artist is from there and enjoys making me sit through this company for some sick reason. I’m not familiar with this to say the least, but my limited Spanish should be able to get me through some of the stories instead of being lost in Japan. Let’s get to it.

We open with Carlito, a big star here and I believe WWC Universal (World) Champion (in his fifteenth reign to give you an idea of what we’re dealing with), going to a convenience store and acting like a jerk by drinking juice he hasn’t paid for yet and throwing stuff on the floor. I know you’re a heel but be tidy. A younger guy comes up and yells at him so Carlito spits an apple in his face. The younger guy goes to yell at someone named Bobby, who is walking on a crutch. We get some flashbacks to Carlito Backstabbing people inside a cage in what looked like a heel turn. I’m assuming Bobby and the younger guy are brothers?

Opening sequence.

I come into this show knowing absolutely nothing, so it could be interesting to see how well they can tell their stories to someone who is clueless.

Diablico vs. Xix Xavant

This is joined in progress with Xavant (found his name through Google) dropkicking Diablico (whose name I didn’t figure out until much later). Xavant nails a German suplex on Diablico but he comes back with a reverse gordbuster for two. Diablico goes up but eats a superplex for two more, followed by a powerslam for the same. The referee yells at Xix, allowing Diablico to pull out a foreign (maybe American?) object to knock Xavant cold for the pin.

Rating: D. This was pretty lame stuff so thank goodness it was clipped. Diablico is a big guy who wasn’t the most energetic in the world. Xavant looked like Dale Torborg, which is quite the insult if you’re familiar with your late 90s wrestlers. Bad match here and I thought Diablico was the face until the end.

House show ads.

A cruiserweight named Peter the Bad Romance (seriously?) has a question for us. He’s been the best wrestler in the world for the last three years but he keeps hearing about Samuel Adams and Chicano. Well now he’s going to prove that he’s the best Junior Heavyweight wrestler in the world by winning the Junior Heavyweight Title. Simple but effective here, assuming I understood it right.

Junior Heavyweight Title: Ricochet vs. Samuel Adams

Ricochet (not Prince Puma) is defending and wears a mask. Joined in progress again with Ricochet slugging away and hitting a springboard middle rope bulldog for two. Adams chops out of the corner and hits a buckle bomb followed by a hard clothesline for two of his own. That’s it for his offense at the moment as Ricochet gets two more off a high cross body, only to walk into a Diamond Cutter driver. Back up and Ricochet counters a superplex into a sunset bomb for another near fall, followed by a cool spot where he bounces from one foot to another to fire off kicks to Adams’ ribs, setting up a quick rollup for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Still not great stuff here as they were just trading spots for the few minutes they were out there. That’s one of the big dangers of having matches joined in progress: you go right to the ending and there’s almost no way to get into things as you have no idea what you missed before that. Not bad here but I need more between the big spots.

Universal Title: Carlito Caribbean Cool vs. Mighty Ursus

This one isn’t joined in progress for a change. Ursus is challenging and is a big strong guy in a mask. The champ starts fast and rams him into the corner over and over to a limited effect. Ursus starts shrugging them off and rams Carlito into the buckle himself. Carlito is sent outside for more punches to the head, followed by a trashcan shot. A splash into the post works as well as a splash into the post would be expected to work and Carlito gets a breather.

Carlito posts Ursus again and chops him against the barricade but the Mighty one starts Ursusing up. That means it’s time for chops to the champ’s chest, followed by going back inside so Carlito can choke him a bit. We take a break and come back with Ursus choking with his boot. They’re not exactly going nuts with the offense here. A DDT drops Carlito and a snap suplex (not bad for a guy Ursus’ size) gets two. Ursus goes to the corner but some guy comes in with a flag for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Well it was better as I got to see most of the match but the ending was pretty lame. Neither guy seemed interested in cranking it past about a three here and it showed really badly. Nothing much to see here and I’m really seeing why Carlito can only get a big push in his dad’s promotion.

La Revolucion, a three man military team, comes in to take out the guy with the flag and rips off his mask. It’s the young guy from the opening segment, so Carlito yells at him about his father. He tells La Revolucion to let the kid go as he loads up an apple, only to take a low blow so the kid can run away. A lot of shouting ensues.

Carlito yells at a guy for being on the phone but peace is quickly made.

Carlito is ready for his showdown with Mighty Ursus.

Ursus and his manager with a very scarred head aren’t worried about Carlito because it’s Ursus’ day.

We see the end of a Tag Team Title match where La Revolucion and Los Boricuas (the champions) had a double pin, meaning the titles are held up.

La Revolucion says they’re winning the titles to take over the company.

Los Boricuas say bring it on.

The young guy goes back to tell his brother what happened but the brother is worried about him. I think the young guy is going to be fighting soon so the brother writes something down, which pleases the young guy.

Overall Rating: D. Uh….yeah. The wrestling sucked, the stories weren’t all that interesting and a good chunk of the hour was spent on the same ad for the big show. I can easily see why this company isn’t very well received these days if this is the kind of product they’re regularly putting out.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Lucha Underground
Date: May 20, 2015
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker

It’s a big night here as the Trios Titles are on the line with Angelico/Ivelisse/Son of Havoc defending against the Crew in a ladder match. This would sound like an interesting match, but it’s even bigger as Ivelisse still has a broken leg. Other than that, we should get some fallout from Johnny Mundo’s big heel turn last week. Let’s get to it.

Standard recap of last week’s show gets things going.

Cueto’s window is still busted from last week. I love bits of continuity like that.

Marty Martinez vs. Prince Puma

Non-title. Martinez is the Moth guy from a few weeks back and is better known (work with me here) as Martin from Tough Enough like five years ago. Konnan wants Puma to treat the Moth like a joke. They put their arms around each other for a photo op until the Moth chops him down with a huge shot to the chest. Puma eats a forearm in the corner but he comes back with a springboard spinning kick to the face. They trade more kicks with Moth hitting something like a Brogue Kick for two before missing a moonsault. There’s a Blue Thunder Bomb for no cover before the 630 is good for the pin for Puma.

Rating: C. Puma is always fun to watch and it’s cool to see him get an easy win like this. I don’t remember the last time we saw Puma win a glorified squash but it was a nice change of pace. Moth looked decent and continues to show that bigger guys can work well in this company. Nice little match here.

Hernandez comes to the entrance but doesn’t come down. Konnan says Hernandez makes lambs look tough so if Hernandez wants to fight, come down here right now. Hernandez gets close to the ring but says not now like a good heel.

We get a sitdown interview between Vampiro and Johnny Mundo. Johnny says he’s here to be the best in the world and he threw Alberto through the wall to make a statement. That gets Vampiro’s attention and he puts down his notes. Vampiro thinks Johnny is jealous of Patron’s success but Johnny goes into a rant about how he was here on day one and Alberto thinks Johnny is some guy he can slap around at catering. Mundo is this promotion’s top star and this is his world, but you already knew that. Best mic work Mundo has ever done here and he looks like the biggest heel this company has ever seen. Really good stuff here.

Cueto tells the Crew to make a sacrifice of Angelico/Son of Havoc/Ivelisse or someone will make a sacrifice of them. I love the fact that Cueto is a jerk to everyone. It makes him feel so much more realistic.

Delavar Daivari vs. Texano

The chase is on before the bell as the Daivari story changes a bit. Last week he wrestled and then became rich but now it’s he’s been rich his entire life. Daivari sends him shoulder first into the post and nails a DDT on the arm into something like a Kimura. Texano pops back up by nailing Daivari on the top and hitting a superplex for a face pop. Was there a double turn that I missed? A leg lariat gets two for Texano but Daivari (who Striker calls the Golden Warrior for the third time in about two and a half minutes) rolls some Germans. Texano grabs a quick Codebreaker for two but Big Ryck comes in to jump Texano for the DQ.

Rating: C. Nice while it lasted but Striker was getting too cute with the name dropping here and it got annoying quick. So Daivari is now a heel despite being introduced like a face and wrestling a heel in his only match so far? I get that he’s a heel character but why introduce him as a face so far?

Ryck beats Texano down so Daivari can cover him for a pin, while not spilling a drop of his drink of course.

Cueto is nervous in his office when Katrina comes in. Muertes can deliver the sacrifice Cueto wants, so he makes Fenix vs. Muertes next week in a death match at Katrina’s request. The match is on and Katrina disappears like a creepy person does.

Black Lotus is walking but doesn’t know where she is. She appreciates what her master has done for her but she’s ready to kill Cueto’s brother. Chavo Guerrero comes to see the master and says Lotus will need her help if she doesn’t want to die. Chavo offers to protect Lotus in exchange for protection from Mexico, which seems to mean Blue Demon Jr. Apparently the Guerreros and the Cuetos don’t like each other. This is so over the top but it really, really works in this promotion.

Trios Titles: Crew vs. Angelico/Son of Havoc/Ivelisse

This is a ladder match with the Crew challenging and Ivelisse has a broken leg. The Crew jumps the champs in the entrance as Vampiro says he’s turned on by the idea of someone getting hurt. Bael punches Ivelisse in the jaw at ringside as Cisco pulls out a big ladder. Angelico dives onto a rusty ladder (which I like instead of the polished WWE ladders) to take out Castro and Bael but he bangs up his own knee in the process.

It’s not bad enough to prevent him from setting up a ladder but Cisco makes a fast save. Angelico knees a turnbuckle by mistake and Cisco shoves the ladder over for the sake of punishing the champs more first. A ladder to Angelico’s groin has him in even more trouble but of course it’s table time because ECW had to make that a thing for all time and eternity. Havoc is stomped down in the corner but drop toeholds Castro into a ladder, setting up a standing moonsault.

The other two Crew members get going with a double stomp to the back/DDT combination to put Havoc down but Angelico makes a last second save. They head outside and break open the window to Cueto’s office (who is shown on the phone because he just likes making carnage instead of actually watching it) but Angelico pops back up and throws I think Bael into the office. Angelico puts Castro on a table and climbs to the balcony for a huge dive but Cisco makes a save.

Havoc escapes a powerbomb on the floor but Bale dives out of the office to take him down. All three Crew members are in the ring by themselves but wait for Havoc to get back in instead of climbing. Naturally he gets in and beats them all down but has to stop Castro from going for the belts. A chair is brought in and Havoc knocks Bael silly, only to have Cisco break up the shooting star through a table.

That lasts all of ten seconds before the shooting star puts Bael through the table, leaving Castro to climb the ladder. All hope is lost so here’s Angelico diving out of the balcony AGAIN with a spot on dropkick to knock Castro off the ladder. Cueto leans out the window in shock at the crash and with good reason. Ivelisse remembers that she’s a wrestler so a single right hand shouldn’t knock her out for fifteen minutes so she climbs up, kicks Cisco down, and gets the titles to retain.

Rating: B-. This was good but the big drama didn’t work as well as it did in the initial title win as this was basically a repeat of the first match but with a ladder attached. Ivelisse was nothing here and these title defenses have basically become a bunch of insane matches instead of a regular title defense. The dive looked very cool but it didn’t have the same impact as the first.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked the show but again it was to set up stuff down the line. The Trios Champions are still entertaining but there needs to be a big set of challengers to take the titles from them soon. The turns tonight weren’t bad, though as I said, a lot of it feels like we’re just setting up for later. Muertes returning should be awesome though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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SuperBrawl V
Date: February 19, 1995
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 13, 390
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This was actually a request on Twitter from the people over at markedout.com. If there’s ever a show that I can find that you want me to review, let me know and I’d be glad to take a look at it. This is from a bad time for WCW as Hogan had debuted and basically taken the whole company over, running roughshod over everyone in sight. Tonight’s main event is Hogan vs. Vader for the title, after Hogan no sold the powerbomb recently on the Clash of the Champions. See, not the most logical thing in the world. Let’s get to it.

Now the WWE Network version of this show says that the opening is missing and that their version is the most complete one available. However, other complete versions are available online so I’ll be looking at a different version before I go to the Network.

The following is actually how the show started. As much as I wish I could take credit for it, I’m not making this up.

The Nasty Boys are in the streets of Baltimore and are going on a tour. Their first stop: the Maryland Science Center. They go inside and build a tower out of blocks, but Sags presses a button that makes the table shake to see if their tower is earthquake proof. Now Knobbs plays with a static electricity machine to make his hair stand up. Sags goes off to see something else as Knobbs can’t just take his hand off the machine for some reason.

After pestering some fans, he’s told that Sags has gone to the aquarium. Brian goes over to find him but is handed a starfish and a crab instead. The attendant tells him that Sags went into the rainforest but Brian can’t find him there either. He goes to watch some dolphins perform when Sags comes up and says he was locked in a submarine for an hour. Then they eat some lobsters, reminisce about the show, and leave for SuperBrawl.

Normally I would make jokes about what I just saw, but I’m really not sure what it was. The levels of random in this were so out there that I can’t believe it exists. I mean…..WHAT WAS THAT??? They were doing experiments and Sags was locked in a submarine? I know WCW was strange around this time but my goodness what was up with this?

The opening video focuses on Hogan vs. Vader, which was set up at the end of Starrcade. That’s about as easy of a match as you could ask for, but it was basically spoiled when Hogan no sold Vader’s powerbomb at a recent Clash of the Champions.

The announcers chat about the main event and Gene thinks Vader wants to permanently injure Hogan.

We see a clip from earlier which shows Vader possibly arriving with Ric Flair, who was recently retired. Vader attacked another car he thought Hogan was in (Tony says that was his, as in Tony’s limo. TONY SCHIAVONE HAD HIS OWN LIMO??? Were those things handed out as party favors?) where he breaks out a window and doesn’t require surgery, proving conclusively that either Vader is tougher than Goldberg, or they made better limousines in 1999.

During Main Event (the regular TV show before the pay per view started), Vader came to the ring and attacked Stars N Stripes (Marcus Bagwell/the Patriot) and the jobbers they just beat.

Alex Wright vs. Paul Roma

Yeah there are actually matches on here. Wright is a newcomer and fresh off fighting the man who would be known as HHH at Starrcade. Roma is somehow a former Horsemen and Wright is a young kid trying to prove himself. Now this should be obvious, but this is WCW. Apparently this is over Wright getting all the women recently. Roma, in a singlet for the only time I can ever remember, jumps Wright during his pre-match dance. A failure of a gorilla press puts Wright down and Paul does Wright’s dance to a face reaction.

Back up and Wright grabs an armdrag to take over, but Paul pulls him down by the hair, barely selling a thing in the process. A rope walking wristdrag puts Roma down as two good looking women (ring attendants who don’t do anything of note) come out. The girls don’t get any attention so here’s Roma’s partner in Pretty Wonderful, Paul Orndorff. Alex stays on the arm but Roma pops up and takes over with some elbow drops.

Three straight backbreakers have Alex in even more trouble. Notice that Wright hasn’t gotten to do anything past arm work and Roma is showing off. He sends Wright outside and poses even more as this has been a Roma showcase match so far. Alex comes back with right hands but Roma steps to the side to make Wright look stupid on a sunset flip attempt. Wright tries a backslide but Roma fights it off for at least fifteen seconds before going down for one. Roma comes right back with stomps and we hit the chinlock so let’s look at the crowd. The fans aren’t pleased and I’m sure the bosses aren’t either.

Back up again and Alex makes a comeback, only to have Roma grab the ropes to send Alex crashing to the mat. Paul gets two off a top rope elbow before Alex starts another comeback, only to have Roma intentionally screw up a hiptoss. Orndorff breaks up a cover off a cross body but Alex dropkicks the Pauls into each other and grabs the rollup for the pin. Roma kicked out at two and a half but the referee counted the pin anyway to get out while they could.

Rating: D-. Absolutely none of this is on Wright. Alex was 19 here and in the biggest match of his career with someone completely in this for himself. In case you couldn’t guess, this was Paul Roma’s last match ever on a national stage. I don’t remember a less professional performance in all my years of watching wrestling.

Paul was out there to make himself look good and Wright was destroyed in the process. Paul Roma is one of those guys who was around other big names and is remembered for doing some decent things, even though it was almost always the partner carrying things while Roma was just there. Disgusting match.

Sister Sherri and the newly credible Harlem Heat (only recently renamed Booker T. and Stevie Ray from their old names of Kane and Kole) promise to keep their titles tonight. Gene can’t even remember which is which yet. It’s so bizarre to see a famous team as newcomers, even though they had been around for well over a year at this point.

Bunkhouse Buck vs. Jim Duggan

Buck (with manager Colonel Parker and bodyguard Meng) is a big power brawler from Tennesse. Basically think Luke Harper with less hair and less talent. They slug it out to start (duh) and the fans chant USA. As usual, why doesn’t that work for Buck too? A bunch of right hands and a clothesline put Buck on the floor. More right hands set up a chinlock on Buck inside as we’re firmly in brawl mode. Buck finally sneaks in a shot with a rope and Duggan is knocked to the floor.

Back in and we hit the chinlock on Duggan as this is already in big trouble. Duggan fights up again and kicks Buck into the corner, followed by a backdrop and yet another chinlock. Jim yells at the referee and walks around the ring after a right hand to the face. An elbow gets two for Duggan as this marathon of first gear wrestling continues. Duggan puts on a ridiculous third chinlock in about seven minutes before yelling at Parker.

A spinning slam and knee drop get two for Jim, who is…..my goodness it’s the FOURTH chinlock. Jim mixes up his right hands by throwing them in the corner instead. With that working so well, Duggan puts on an armbar. Yes seriously, ten minutes into THIS match and it’s an armbar. Parker gets on the apron but Buck accidentally throws Duggan into him, only to have Duggan bounce back and hit a Three Point Clothesline for the pin.

Rating: F. I don’t remember the last time a major show started with a worse half hour. Absolutely horrible match here and I have no idea why this was even on the card. Duggan on offense for most of the match is one of the worst imaginable ideas, but having it be against Bunkhouse Buck was even worse. This was horrible and I have no idea who thought it was a good idea.

Meng comes in and massacres Duggan, instantly becoming the most interesting thing on the show so far. Well ok so it’s as entertaining as a superkick and nerve hold can be but it’s not Duggan vs. Buck so points for that.

The Nasty Boys are ready for their title shot tonight and will take Harlem Heat to Nastyville for the last time. They’ll slap Sherri’s face off if they have to.

Dave Sullivan vs. Kevin Sullivan

Oh sweet goodness I thought I had blocked this out of my mind. So these two are brothers and Dave (formerly Evad, which is Dave backwards because Dave is dyslexic, even though I don’t think that’s how it works) is a huge Hulkamaniac but Kevin despises Hulk so this is a grudge match. The problem here is Kevin is 100x the wrestler Dave is, and if you’ve ever seen a Kevin Sullivan match, you know what we could be in for here. Kevin has the Butcher (Brutus Beefcake) in his corner here.

Dave is ready for a sneak attack from his brother and hits one of the most awkward elbows to the face to send Kevin outside. Ten very slow rams into the buckle set up ten very slow (and badly exposed by the camera) right hands from Dave. Butcher trips Dave up as we hear about Kevin cutting Dave’s hair and destroying the boots that Hogan gave him (allegedly the same ones he wore to defeat Andre), which Dave called the magic slippers. So yes, not only is Hogan dominating everyone in the main event, one of the characters on this show is a Hogan super fan.

Back in and Kevin stops a stumble with a boot to the face. Dave fights back from his knees and chokes a lot, only to have Kevin chop him back down. Kevin crotches himself on the ropes though, allowing Dave to very slowly ram him into the buckle again. This draws Butcher to the apron and Kevin sends Dave into him, setting up a……hand on Dave’s trunks for the pin. In theory it was a rollup with a handful of trunks, but Kevin wasn’t actually making contact with Dave or rolling him up in any way, shape or form.

Rating: D-. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Buck vs. Duggan is actually the match of the night in the first 45 minutes. This almost trumped it but my goodness Dave was terrible. I mean….my goodness man. This is really the best the promotion could offer? How could this possibly be considered a good idea? Is there really anything here other than Hogan’s ego needing a good rub? If so, was there no one you could put out there instead of Dave Sullivan?

The ram into Butcher might have hurt his face (which the announcers said was full of metal plates, meaning Dave has a face harder than steel). This would lead to him being known as the Man With No Face. You think I can make this stuff up??? Kevin doesn’t seem to mind.

Tony tries to talk about the show but Heenan has problems with his chair. The point of this is to announce Pedro Morales debuting as a Spanish announcer. I’ve always liked the guy so I can’t complain.

Avalanche (Earthquake) and Big Bubba Rogers (Big Boss Man) cut a promo that belongs in the 80s. Avalanche’s is the exact same promo he cut for years but with a different name at the end. Rogers on the other hand is tired of listening to the fans and is out for himself now. This was really, really lame.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Nasty Boys

Harlem Heat, with Sherri in the corner, is defending and these teams fought about 19 times in a row. The Nasty Boys are the good guys here. Before we get going, Booker calls a fan a dumb idiot. Doesn’t that mean they’re actually smart? All four jaw at each other to start until it’s Brian and Booker getting things going. Mr. T. slaps him in the face but misses a side kick and crotches himself on the ropes.

Off to Sags for a gutbuster and an elbow to the ribs (called the leg for some reason) with Stevie making the save via a hearty slap on the back. Heenan wants Stevie to kick Sags like a dog but gets forearms to the face instead. Unfortunately this is before Booker was a well rounded wrestler so this is going to be a brawl no matter who is in there. The Boys get Booker into the corner for some clubberin and Brian drops a leg to the back of the head (well, he is Hogan’s buddy after all).

Booker’s raised boot in the corner doesn’t do much but Stevie offers a cheap shot from the apron, allowing Booker to dropkick Sags out to the floor. Back in and Stevie kicks Jerry right back outside where Sherri gets in a glove shot to stagger Sags all over again. Booker does the years away from being named Spinarooni and it’s off to a chinlock. Sags’ comeback is stopped by another kick to the face and Stevie puts on another chinlock.

Another comeback is countered with another kick and Booker comes in for a front facelock. Those holds ate up the better part of three minutes. Booker misses a middle rope elbow and Sags scores with a powerslam. The hot tag brings in Brian to a lukewarm reaction at best. A double DDT to the champs draws the pop of the night (see how much bigger of a move that used to be?) but Booker saves the pin. Sherri hits Stevie with the loaded purse by mistake and Brian gets the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. Match of the night here by about 10,000 and it was boring stuff all throughout. Cut this down to like twelve minutes instead of the seventeen (!) it got and this is far better. These teams were better (or at least more entertaining) when it was a wild brawl instead of a match, but Harlem Heat would get a lot better in the next year or so.

Scratch the title change which might be interesting. Apparently Knobbs threw Booker over the top and that’s a DQ, meaning the Heat keep the titles.

Savage and Sting are ready for the monsters. That almost has to be better if they just follow the standard formula. Gene: “This has been one of the best four or five pay per views I’ve ever been involved in.”

Ad for Uncensored, which actually might be worse than this show. If you’ve never seen it, imagine a match taking place in the back of a truck as it goes down a highway. Literally, that’s what happened.

The announcers preview Blacktop Bully vs. Dustin Rhodes, which is part of the Rhodes Family vs. Colonel Parker’s Stud Stable. The Bully is Barry Darsow, better known as Demolition Smash but as an evil truck driver. Dustin got him sent to prison for reasons not important enough to explain here, but lucky for you, I care about this story more than WCW.

Bully debuted as a really obnoxious fan who eventually pushed Dustin, causing the arrest. Colonel Parker bailed him out of jail to add Bully into the feud with the Rhodes Family, which was the WarGames match in 1994. The feud is still going FIVE MONTHS AFTER FREAKING WARGAMES. 1995 was such a stupid time for WCW.

Blacktop Bully vs. Dustin Rhodes

Commissioner Nick Bockwinkel comes out and says Meng can’t be at ringside for this match due to his attack on Duggan earlier tonight. Bully tries to get in a cheap shot to start but Dustin ducks underneath and hammers away in the corner. That’s fine with Bully who shrugs them off and chop blocks Dustin down before ripping the jacket off. The choke with the jacket doesn’t count as a foreign object because Dustin brought it in. But a removed boot is considered illegal? Wrestling rules are really screwy sometimes.

Dustin kicks him to the floor and Bully comes up holding his arm. Naturally (remember Dustin is the Natural at this point) this leads to a headlock but at least Dustin wakes up a few seconds later and cranks on the arm. The arm is sent into the buckle and we hit that hammerlock. The fans chant KFC at Parker because he’s been called a chicken. Again, this is as good as it got around this time. Bully tries to wrestle out of things but get caught in another hammerlock.

Back up and Dustin jacks Bully’s jaw before planting him with a suplex for two. Dustin teases going after Parker but punches a diving Bully out of the air. Bully finally gets in a shot of his own and this match MUST CONTINUE, meaning even more trucker jokes from Heenan. We hit the slow stomping portion of the match as the fans are just deadly silent. A belly to back suplex sets up another chinlock to kill even more time.

Bully dumps him through the ropes and onto the steps and the fans still don’t care. This is one of the quietest crowds I’ve ever heard but Dustin trips him up and wraps the leg around the post to wake them up for a few seconds. Dustin knocks him out of the air to put both guys down again and the fans try to get going.

The Bully finally loses his vest, revealing one heck of a beer gut in the process. Dustin’s bulldog connects for two with Parker putting his foot on the ropes for the break. For reasons of general stupidity, Dustin suplexes Parker into the ring and tries the same on the Bully, only to have Parker grab the leg for the Wrestlemania V ending after SIXTEEN MINUTES.

Rating: D. Good grief this was long. These matches have just dragged on over and over all night long and this was one of the longest. Bully is one of the lamest characters I’ve ever seen and somehow, these two had a match in the back of a freaking truck the next month, which thankfully got Dustin fired so he could be Goldust by the end of the year. So to clarify, we just saw a sixteen minute Goldust vs. Repo Man match on pay per view.

Vader does his usual I AM A MONSTER promo and throws in a shout out to his son Jesse. He won’t confirm or deny that Flair was in one of the limos earlier.

The announcers talk about the title match. Tony wants to know if the lady in Vader’s limo was Ric Flair.

Speaking of Flair, here he is and of course Baltimore loves him after he lost to Hogan as a heel. Flair asks why he would be in Vader’s limousine and makes sure to rant about Hogan for a bit. He’ll be sitting at ringside with five good looking women for the last two matches.

Avalanche/Big Bubba Rogers vs. Sting/Randy Savage

Maybe this can be better through pure talent in the ring. Great Muta (without paint and sitting next to the yet to be named Sonny Onoo) is in the audience, probably wondering when he can get out of this stupid show. Avalanche shoves Sting into the corner to start and hammers away with the big forearms but Sting staggers him with clotheslines and a dropkick. Off to Rogers for a backbreaker but he makes the mistake of going up, allowing Savage to crotch him down.

Sting plants him with a slam off the top and punches Bubba out to the floor, setting up Savage’s top rope ax handle. As the guys are on the floor, Heenan calls Flair the thing that stirs the drink. Sting invites Flair to come into the ring as Bubba slugs Savage down but misses a sitting splash. Savage, ever the psycho, slaps Avalanche in the face twice in a row. After a quick chase, Avalanche misses a charge in the corner and winds up on the top rope for some kicks to the ample gut.

It’s off to Sting to go after the ribs and put on the Scorpion but everything breaks down. Stinger Splashes nail both giants but Avalanche comes back with something like a chokeslam to stop Sting cold. The villains take over again until Sting slams Avalanche, only to walk into a right hand from Bubba, which sends Sting head first between Avalanche’s legs. It’s a hot tag to Savage to clean some house but Sting gets a quick tag, setting up a high cross body on Avalanche who topples over Bubba, giving Sting the pin.

Rating: C. Yes it was your standard TV main event and no it wasn’t anything special, but it was so refreshing to watch some people with charisma after watching the previous two hours of horrible. Sting and Savage are good examples of people who can make a match better by pure charisma, even if the action isn’t great. This was nothing special but it was one thing everything else wasn’t: entertaining.

CALL THE HOTLINE!

More main event talk with Tony saying the feud started at SuperBrawl, meaning Starrcade. That passes for an interesting point on this show.

We recap Hogan vs. Vader, which is your standard Hogan vs. monster formula, but with a different kind of monster. Vader spent months saying Hogan was ducking him, so Hogan no sold the powerbomb to make this feud look lame. This actually is a dream match, or at least it would have been three years ago.

Hogan says he’s ready for the latest challenge of Hulkamania. Even his family is worried about Vader hurting him tonight but the Pythons are ready for Vader Time.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Vader

Hogan is defending of course and Vader is US Champion. For the sake of clarity, only Hogan will be referred to as champion. Hogan has Jimmy Hart in his corner which never worked for me. Flair is still at ringside too with Commissioner Nick Bockwinkel watching next to the timekeeper. We get the Big Match Intros to kill more time and they’re actually making this feel important. Vader no sells right hands to start and the mask is off early.

The champ fires off a bunch of slaps and a clothesline but Vader is all BRING IT. The frontal assault didn’t work so Hogan tries a wristlock for the same result. Vader starts pounding away in the corner and the fans are cheering the monster. A splash sends Hogan running to the floor but he knocks Vader over the barricade and at Flair’s feet. Back in and Hogan just fires off all the right hands he can before clotheslining Vader out to the floor. Choking in the corner keeps Vader in trouble as the fans are suddenly quiet again. The slam attempt fails and Vader hits the standing body attack as Hogan is quickly reeling.

Hogan shouts to Jimmy that the man is too strong because when you have Vader killing you, Jimmy Hart is your best possible option. The Vader Bomb connects (Heenan: “MAGILLA GORILLA!”) but Vader takes too long loading up the moonsault and only hits mat. They fight to the floor and our hero cracks Vader with a chair. Vader is in trouble but he shrugs it off and runs Hogan again, just like he did back in 1992.

It’s Hulk Up time but the legdrop gets one with Vader throwing him to his feet on the kickout. There goes the referee and Vader powerbombs Hogan for no count. Flair comes in and counts three, but thankfully Vader doesn’t think he’s won the title. The referee crawls over for two and it’s time for Hulk Up #2 with Vader getting knocked to the floor, only to have Flair come in for the DQ.

Rating: C. That’s it? That’s the big Hogan vs. Vader showdown that should have headlined Starrcade but the world was just dying for that Brutus Beefcake vs. Hogan showdown. I’m assuming now that I’m supposed to want to see Vader vs. Hogan II with a gimmick attached instead of Hogan trying to get his title back after the heels take the title away here. But that might mean Hogan isn’t the greatest thing ever and that’s not a world WCW wanted to live in so we get this lame ending instead. Still though, decent match.

Hogan gets put in the Figure Four but Sting and Savage run out for the save. Hulk N Pals celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Yeah it’s a disaster and one of the worst cards I’ve ever sat through, but it’s the please introduce me to a hyper giraffe kind of bad instead of wanting to flog an old man with a tree branch kind of bad. The problem here is that none of this, other than the main event, needed to be on pay per view. It’s a big batch of TV matches with nothing good or even remotely good until the main event matches. Just a horrible show all around from a very dark period for WCW.

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