According to Dixie, though I’m sure you all know this as EVERYONE follows her on Twitter right? I’d much rather have three hours to do on Wednesdays (counting NXT) and have Friday night off. There’s no way around the Friday night death slot, though I’m always curious to see TNA diehards’ latest explanation for why the ratings still aren’t great.
Smackdown
Date: May 14, 2015
Location: Ford Center, Evansville, Indiana
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole
It’s the final show before Payback and we’re pretty much all set up. Raw ended with Ambrose standing tall over his three opponents, meaning tonight is likely going to end with one of the other three doing the same, albeit not over the other three people in the match. Raw has been good lately so Smackdown has a lot to live up to. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
We open with Bray Wyatt talking about Ryback coming face to face with him on Monday. Ryback is a very strong man, but he has an Achilles heel. Bray is going to prove that the Garden of Eden does exist and tonight he’ll scratch an itch. Ryback’s dreams will be turned into nightmares. Resist the itch and run. Why are these two even fighting?
Here’s Dean Ambrose to get things going. Dean says he works best alone, fights alone and drinks alone. It felt good on Monday to stand alone because this Sunday it’s every man for himself. You have Seth Rollins and his Lollipop Guild Goon Squad. Randy Orton was last seen eating a spear. That leaves Roman Reigns, who is Dean’s only friend in the world. Dean has one thing to say to Roman, but he’ll get to say it to his face as here comes Reigns.
Dean isn’t going to apologize but Reigns wasn’t expecting one. This past Monday, Dean hit him with Dirty Deeds and that’s all he’s going to get. There’s no grudge between them because they’re brothers but this Sunday, Reigns is bringing the big guns. They’re about to shake hands when Kane comes out.
Dean should be less concerned with winning the Slammy Award for Bromance of the Year and be worried about what he has to do. Ambrose brings up HHH’s decree that Kane is out of a job if Rollins doesn’t win on Monday. This might be the last night we see Corporate Kane. That’s not cool with Kane, who makes Ambrose vs. Sheamus RIGHT NOW. Ambrose: “Is that the only time you know?”
Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose
This match starts after a break. They fight up against the ropes with neither getting an advantage so it’s time to go basic. Ambrose grabs a top wristlock but gets taken down with a headlock. Dean ties his legs up though and grabs the mohawk for a kick to the back. Sheamus gets a boot up in the corner but Dean bulldogs him down to take over again. The running dropkick against the ropes is countered and Sheamus knees him out to the floor.
We take a break and come back with Dean slugging away but getting caught in the Cloverleaf. Dean makes the ropes like any good rebellious hero should do, only to charge into White Noise. To be fair he deserves that after not selling the hold. The threat of the Brogue Kick sends Dean to the floor and he nails a hard clothesline to take over again.
Back in and it’s a missed Brogue Kick, a clothesline to the floor and a suicide dive to take Sheamus out again. Back in again and Sheamus’ tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. He takes too long to follow up though and eats a clothesline, sending Dean to the top. Sheamus tries what looks to be a top rope powerslam (facing the floor instead of the ring though) but Dean slips out to avoid the whole broken back thing and sends Sheamus face first onto the post, followed by a rollup to give Dean the pin at 12:42.
Rating: B. This was the fun power brawl that you would expect between these two. Ambrose is one of those guys that can work well against anyone regardless of their size or style. Unfortunately it came at the expense of Sheamus, who has lost almost all of his momentum since returning with the really good bully character. Therefore, he’s likely getting the title in the Chamber.
Rollins channels his inner Stephanie by repeating the stipulations of Sunday’s match to Kane in a way that no normal person would ever actually speak. Kane says he’s set for life and doesn’t need the Authority’s money. Oh and Rollins gets Ryback tonight.
Here are Rusev and Lana with something to say. The fans chant USA but Rusev says the woman wants to talk. Lana reads a prepared statement, apologizing for Fandangoing on Raw last week. It should all be about Rusev, who shows us a clip from Raw where Rusev interrupted Neville vs. Cena and beat John up post match. I can’t wait for this feud to be over already so the writers have to wake their lazy brains up for a change.
Rusev knows Cena was quitting in his head when he passed out, but this Sunday everyone will hear him quit. We get a loop of Cena saying he quits (out of context) from Raw and no big followup line to end this. Lawler however does think that video was doctored because Cena never gives up.
Ryback says he’s no meat head. He saw fear in Wyatt’s eyes on Monday but tonight, he’s hungry.
Tough Enough videos, including one from Gabriel Iglesias.
Here’s Rollins with something to say before his match with Ryback. He continues the trend of showing clips from Raw by giving us his big beatdown, but promises that’s the last time anything like that will happen.
Ryback vs. Seth Rollins
Non-title but that might not matter as Wyatt jumps Ryback on his way to the ring. Back from a break and Ryback says he can go because he’s tough that way and the idea of calling a DQ for someone attacking before the match is unheard of in this company. Ryback tries a suplex to start but Seth knees him in the head to escape and knocks Ryback out to the floor. He dives back in at nine and eats a DDT for two. We see a clip of Bray’s attack, which was just a shoulder block. Ryback is that banged up off a single shoulder?
A neckbreaker gets two for Seth and he slaps on a front facelock. Ryback counters exactly how you would expect him to and plants Seth with a tilt-a-whirl powerslam to put both guys down. The big guy gets all fired up and nails a not great spinebuster for two. The Meat Hook connects but Rollins rakes the eyes (a rare sight these days) to break up the Shell Shock. Seth hits the top rope knee to the head and the a pair of low superkicks for the pin at 8:23.
Rating: C. So to recap, a shoulder block is enough to knock Ryback silly and give him a huge disadvantage? I love the idea of not having Ryback lose clean, but couldn’t they have had Bray send him into the steps or give him a big beatdown or something more than a simple shoulder? The match was fine and actually had a story to it of Rollins focusing on the head with the low superkicks getting the pin. It’s not as good as the curb stomp but I’ll take a high impact move over that lame falling DDT.
Here’s what you missed on the WWE Network this week. So the news broke this week that the classic content wasn’t getting a lot of views. Now I’m just thinking out loud but maybe people might watch it if it was advertised, say, once. That’s just nutty though as WWE thinks eight minute interviews with the stars of a movie that is bombing or Wiz Khalifa is what really draws in the viewers.
It’s the Bellas vs. Naomi/Tamina on Sunday. That makes sense but can we please stop finding ways to keep the title on Nikki? It’s just not going to be seen as epic no matter how WWE tries to spin it.
Naomi brags about how strong Tamina is and says they’re tired of walking around empty handed. The Bellas get all the opportunities around here, even though Nikki is overrated and Brie is more worthless than her quitting husband.
Tyson Kidd vs. Kofi Kingston
Before the match, Woods informs us that Cesaro/Kidd are cheaters but the New Day is giving them one more title shot on Payback. Big E. tells us just how bad Cesaro/Kidd are: they don’t recycle, the double dip and they buy one ticket at the movies and go see two! The New Day is the change you need to see in this world and the fans should sing with them. Instead it’s a siren and we’re ready to go.
Kofi kicks him in the ribs to start as Woods is cheering even harder than usual this week. Tyson fights back and knocks Kofi to the floor for a big flip dive (Woods: “KOFI MOVE!”). The New Day distraction prevents the Sharpshooter but Tyson gets it on a few seconds later for the submission at 2:06.
Elimination Chamber preview.
We see Bryan’s speech from Raw as he vacates the title. This seems to be the promised health update.
Here’s Bo Dallas with something to say. He saw Daniel Bryan vacate the title on Monday but he sees it as an opportunity. There are five stages of grief and Dallas can help you through them all. First up is denial, but there is no denying that Bryan let all the fans down. Next is anger, which the fans should feel towards Bryan for letting you down.
Third is bargaining. You’ll get one heck of a bargain on those Daniel Bryan t-shirts now that he’s gone. Depression is going to completely engulf Bryan when he realizes everyone has forgotten him. Finally there’s acceptance and Dallas can help us all accept that Daniel is gone. All you have to do to accept it is Bo-lieve! Dallas will have a job for years with promos like this.
Neville vs. Bo Dallas
This is joined in progress after a break with King Barrett on commentary and Neville flipping forward out of the corner. Neville sends him to the floor but gets pulled down onto the apron to give Bo an opening. Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit but Neville fights back with those running kicks to the head. A longer Red Arrow than usual is good for the pin at 2:17. I believe this is Neville’s first match against anyone who has never held a WWE Title.
Post match Barrett mocks Neville for wearing a stupid costume every week. This Sunday Neville is in for some corporal punishment in the form of a royal Bull Hammer.
The Rosebuds ask Adam Rose when they’re going to be paid. Rose doesn’t take kindly to this and says they’re just like the Bunny. The hot dog gets pushed down and the party is officially over. Rosa kisses him and Kane walks by them on his way to the ring. So the Rosebuds are officially gone. That’s probably for the best, but Rose really needs to get away from Rosa as she’s possibly the most worthless Diva in years.
More Tough Enough hype.
Kane vs. Roman Reigns
Pin or submission only, making this a glorified street fight. Kane goes after Reigns during the entrance again and they slug it out on the floor before the bell. Neither guy can get the better of it until Kane sends him into the steps. We finally get a bell and Kane punches Reigns back to the floor, only to miss a stairs shot against the post.
It’s kendo stick time (because there must be kendo sticks under the ring at all times for reasons that aren’t entirely clear) but Kane takes it away from Roman and pounds him down. A kendo stick to the face gets two and we take a break. Back with Reigns taking a big boot to the face for two more before Kane throws him outside.
Kane loads up the table but Reigns punches him down and nails a clothesline off the table. It’s time to bring the steps back in as Reigns drives them into Kane’s head to put him down again. Roman throws in a pair of tables but Kane takes his head off with a big boot for two. The chokeslam through the table is blocked but Kane catches the Superman Punch in a chokeslam through the table for two. Thanks for coming Kane and if you would kindly stand in front of that table in the corner for the spear please. A Superman Punch puts Kane in perfect position and the spear through the wood is good for the pin at 11:16.
Rating: C. Decent enough brawl but it felt like they were filling in time until the obvious ending. Kane is still capable of having a power brawl but my limited interest in him is killed by the long promos with HHH and Rollins, plus a story that almost no one cares about. Good enough here though and Reigns kicking out of a big finisher keeps up the idea that he never quits.
Seth isn’t worried about Reigns but it’s going to take more than that to get this belt off him on Sunday. That’s true for anyone that wants to take the title off of him, including Ambrose…..who is behind the Stooges. For some reason he has a plate of cookies to throw at them but the numbers catch up with him. This brings in Roman Reigns for the save and they stare each other down. The camera pans down to show the belt on the ground. Roman extends his hand but Dean reaches down and picks up the belt. He puts it on Reigns’ shoulder, saying he’ll take it back on Sunday.
Overall Rating: C-. How was this possibly a two hour show? It feels like we should just be at the halfway mark and somehow the whole thing is already done. This show did as well as it could have with what it had though, as Payback just isn’t that interesting. I don’t have much of a reason to care about seeing the same stuff that’s been boring me for five hours a week for another three hours this Sunday. Passable episode this week but nothing past that.
Results
Dean Ambrose b. Sheamus – Rollup
Seth Rollins b. Ryback – Low superkick
Tyson Kidd b. Kofi Kingston – Sharpshooter
Roman Reigns b. Kane – Spear through a table
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYAMB8U
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Looking at the Elimination Chamber and what it’s return means, plus how it connects to NXT.
http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-knock-chamber-shall-opened/35591/
NXT
Date: May 13, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It’s the go home show for Unstoppable, but it’s been clear that one of the only things that can stop NXT is the injury bug. Sami Zayn and Hideo Itami have jacked up their shoulders. Sami’s time on the shelf (if he’ll be out at all) has yet to be determined but Itami is looking at six to eight months. It’s going to be interesting to see how the Takeover card changes as a result of the injuries. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Sami Zayn answering John Cena’s Open Challenge for the US Title. Sami is still going to be here tonight to go face to face with Owens, but this was taped before the injury.
Opening sequence.
Solomon Crowe vs. Baron Corbin
Crowe goes right after him to start but gets shoved across the ring. Baron slowly hammers him down and the fans chant either BORING or CORBIN. It turns into BARON’S GONNA BORE YOU but Solomon kicks him into the corner. I’m digging this spunky fighter character but I still want the hacker gimmick instead. Not that it matters as Crowe charges into the End of Days for the pin at 2:07.
Post match Rhyno comes out to start the brawl until security breaks it up. Well it’s better than Bull Dempsey. Rhyno Gores down some of the guards.
Finn Balor says he isn’t underestimating Tyler Breeze because he knows how awesome Breeze is. As for who he’d rather face for the title, Sami is one of the best in the world but he’s still bothered that he didn’t beat Owens. Either is fine with him though.
Tyler Breeze says he’s winning the triple threat and getting back where he belongs. He doesn’t care who he faces for the title.
Sasha Banks vs. ???
Before the match, Sasha says she made Becky Lynch and next week she’ll prove that she’s the Boss. A small package and backslide get two each for the unnamed one (the fans dub her Black Shorts) and Banks bails to the floor. Back in and a cross body gets two on Sasha. I love how the announcers manage to avoid saying they have no idea what the other girl’s name is. Sasha drives two knees into the ribs in the corner and Black Shorts is in trouble. The Bank Statement is good for the submission at 2:31.
Charlotte and Bayley want a tag match with Emma and Dana Brooke at Takeover. Nothing wrong with combining feuds into one match.
We get the same Uhaa Nation vignette from last week.
Nation comes in and sees…..someone I don’t recognize but it might have been Crowe. They seem friendly. Nation still doesn’t have a name.
Alexa Bliss vs. Carmella
Feeling out process to start with Bliss grabbing some rollups for two each. Carmella takes her down into a body scissors but here come the Tag Team Champions. Bliss gets caught in a full nelson with Carmella’s legs as the fans tell the champs that they look stupid. We get an awkward sequence of Bliss wrist dragging Carmella off the top but pausing once she hits the mat. She pops up into a standing moonsault but it’s called double knees to the ribs. Carmella grabs her headscissors crossface but Blake and Murphy distract her, allowing Bliss to slam her down and hit the Sparkle Splash for the in at 3:40.
Rating: D+. This was missing most of the time as Bliss looked a few steps off. Then again it could have been Carmella not being in place for the spots. Not that it matters though as Bliss could have been any given girl out there as this was all about Carmella, who now seems to be against the champs. Granted that’s changed almost every week so it shouldn’t be a surprise.
Murphy and Blake get in the ring and the fans chant NO MEANS NO. Carmella says her boys will be here next week and prove that Blake and Murphy are SAWFT. The fans were actually behind here here.
Itami says he wants to fight Owens after he wins the triple threat to beat some respect into Kevin.
Emma and Dana Brooke are on for the tag match. They leave but Brooke comes back to pat Devin on the head.
Hideo Itami/Finn Balor vs. Tyler Breeze/Adam Rose
No Rosebuds this week. Remember that Itami accidentally kicks Balor in the face last week during his match with Breeze. Balor does an extended entrance (no paint) and the fans think it’s awesome. Itami chops Rose to start and brings Balor in for a slingshot stomp to the chest and two. A big clothesline puts Rose on the floor and we take a break. Back with Balor dropkicking Adam for two before Breeze comes in and takes over. It’s Balor in trouble in the corner as Rose and Breeze start taking turns stomping on Finn.
Breeze stays in for a chinlock before Rose gets two off a spinebuster, which transitions into a Boston crab. When is the last time anyone not named Jericho used that move? A rope is grabbed so Rose switches over to a sleeper. Balor finally jawbreaks his way to freedom and nails a Pele, setting up the hot tag to Itami. The fans quickly get into Hideo as he fires off his strikes on Breeze. Balor tags himself in though and hits the Sling Blade on Rose, but Itami tags himself in to break up the Coup de Grace. The fans cheer for Hideo, only to have Breeze roll him up for the pin at 11:52.
Rating: C. This was a by the book WWE tag team match and that’s not the most entertaining thing in the world. I like that they’re setting up Itami vs. Balor, but it would have been nice if they hadn’t had Rose in there to kill off a bit of the suck. It’s interesting that the fans cheered Itami more than Balor as I don’t think I’ve heard that before.
Breeze kicks Balor and Itami down and gets cheered on by some of the crowd. Rose congratulates him but eats a Supermodel Kick.
Another package on Sami vs. Cena.
From after the match, Sami says he’s tweaked his shoulder and made it even worse in the match. He doesn’t know the results of the injury yet but he’s too high off the match to worry about it. No word on if he’ll be able to go for Takeover but the announcers don’t say he won’t be there.
It’s time for the face to face hard sell between Zayn and Owens. Sami says they’re not here to fight and we go to a long shot of Owens as what is clearly a recorded voiceover from Sami where he says his shoulder is hurt but the match is still happening. Back to live audio with Sami asking Owens to tell him why he did this. Just one time, tell him the truth. Was Owens jealous because Sami got here first?
Maybe it’s about Kevin’s son wanting to wear a Sami Zayn shirt instead of a KO shirt. That finally gets under Owens’ skin but he walks out without saying a word. Sami asks if that’s it, but Owens, with his back to Sami, says everything Sami just said is irrelevant. After Owens took the title from him, Zayn left to “clear his head”, but it was because Sami was hurt. He’s still hurt, and it was Owens that hurt him in the first place. At Takeover, he’s going to do it again. This time though, Sami isn’t coming back. Owens is so awesome at being evil and the lack of emotion in his voice as he talked about hurting Sami was great.
Overall Rating: C+. This show felt…..uneven. I’m looking forward to Takeover but it’s lacking that big, emotional feeling to it. Now that being said, NXT is the one place where I have the faith that they can pull off something special, but I’m just not sure what’s going to do that next week. Zayn being able to go is obviously a good thing, but the question is what happens to him after that. Decent enough show this week but it feels like we already had the big moments to build the matches.
Results
Baron Corbin b. Solomon Crowe – End of Days
Sasha Banks b. ??? – Bank Statement
Alexa Bliss b. Carmella – Sparkle Splash
Tyler Breeze/Adam Rose b. Hideo Itami/Finn Balor – Small package to Itami
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYAMB8U
And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:
Monday Nitro #219
Date: December 20, 1999
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,915
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone
We’re just past Starrcade and……I have no idea what we’re supposed to do now actually. Bret is still World Champion, Sting is out of action again and the rest of the show was pretty much a big waste of time with short matches that went nowhere or that only Russo and company care about. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Piper calling for the bell on Goldberg to end the title match against Bret. Yes, that’s their big idea: Montreal part 58.
So you might be asking how the big fallout show starts. After last night, we’re ready to start on the new road forward for WCW. I promise, I’m not making this up. This is really how this show began.
Here are Madusa and Spice for a chat. Madusa brags about being the first female Cruiserweight Champion and how the women of WCW are taking over with their T&A. Right now she wants any man in the back to come out here so she can neuter him. As luck would have it, Buzzkill is in the crowd campaigning for equal rights, so Madusa calls him to the ring for a title match right now.
Cruiserweight Title: Madusa vs. Buzzkill
Madusa takes the sign and blasts Buzzkill in the head, followed by the missile dropkick for two. The German suplex is blocked though and Buzzkill dropkicks her down. The Russian legsweep should have the title won (because it’s a Russian legsweep) but Spice has the referee. In the distract, Spice throws in a foreign object and Madusa knocks Buzzkill silly, setting up the German suplex to retain.
I need a minute here. After last night’s disaster of a Starrcade, Vince Russo, the man who actually takes credit for the Attitude Era, decided that the big idea was to open Nitro with a match between a comedy character and Madusa, who is flat out saying she has one of the most popular titles (well at least it used to be) in the company because of how she looks. That’s their big way to open the post-Starrcade Nitro. Imagine if the night after Rollins cashed in Money in the Bank or after Bryan overcame the Authority, we opened with a Nikki Bella promo and match. That’s basically what they did here and it’s making my head hurt.
The announcers talk about Goldberg getting screwed last night. I’ll set the over/under for use of that word in this story at about 6,000.
Russo tells Curt Hennig to get rid of Hugh Morrus tonight. Why Russo has issues with Morrus isn’t clear, but I’d bet it’s a nuance of a plot point that I missed in Russo’s 19 segments a night. Creative Control is sent to find Piper.
Speaking of Piper, he arrives with his assistant and son because of reasons I don’t want to be told. The kid tapes Piper’s wrists and Creative Control comes to collect him.
Hugh Morrus vs. Curt Hennig
Before we get started, it’s time for an another angle that no one will care about but we need to force it in there anyway. This time it’s Shane being beaten down by a guy in a Scream mask with what looks like a pipe. As for the match, here’s Tony’s take on it: “I’ve never been so confused coming out of a WCW pay per view.” I can’t believe I’m saying this, but preach it Tony. Morrus slugs Hennig into the corner to start as the announcers don’t explain Hugh’s issues with the Powers That Be, likely because they don’t exist.
After a big running splash in the corner, Morrus gets distracted by some old guy in a hospital gown who wanders from the crowd to the ramp. For the love of……JUST HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH! Morrus goes outside and helps the man he calls Pop to the ramp so he stays out of harms’ way. Hennig gets in a few shots as Pop comes back down to ringside. In the distraction, Hennig hits the PerfectPlex for the pin.
Rating: D-. I would ask why this is happening and what this is supposed to mean, but I really, really don’t care. Hugh Morrus is getting a story now? Apparently about his father who just wanders around ringside after leaving a hospital? As usual, Russo doesn’t get that you have to make us care about a person before you just throw them into a story that makes no sense on the surface. I don’t care about Hugh Morrus because he’s never done anything worth caring about. Therefore, I don’t care about his Pop or whatever they’re doing with him. Again, just let them wrestle and THEN come up with a story.
Pop checks on his son, who is still down after a devastating suplex.
Piper is in Russo’s office where Russo talks about Piper making some sort of deal with the devil, meaning Piper can’t touch Russo. It’s not over though because Piper has to go out there and tell everyone that he sold out and that Russo had nothing to do with it. So who did he sell out to if Russo wasn’t involved? That question is immediately wiped from my memory as Russo says that Piper will take his heat. Piper talks about going out there to “shoot on the marks” and how he and Hogan built this sport. The audio screws up so I can’t hear the rest of it but do I really need to?
So to recap: Russo is the mastermind behind screwing Goldberg out of the title and gave Piper something in return for ending the title match last night and now Piper has to go and take the rap for it. This is going to be a SHOOT, because all those times where Piper was evil and made his big name were just him acting and we should believe how much he cares for wrestling? Can we go back to Hugh and Pop?
And now, a word from Tony Schiavone about how Vince McMahon screwed Bret Hart out of the WCW Title. Russo worked for McMahon at that time, so rumors are speculating that Russo scripted the ending to that match. I don’t even know how to respond to that so we’ll move on to Tony talking about how Kevin Nash is defending Goldberg in the locker room. You know, the SHOOT locker room.
This brings out Kevin Nash, who talks about living by a code in wrestling. There are certain rules you have to live by no matter what happens. Yes people, KEVIN NASH is talking about ethics in wrestling. Just go with it and maybe it’ll be over soon. There are two groups of people behind the curtain: the boys and the office. The boys are all a fraternity and the office doesn’t care about any of them. Nash doesn’t care about Goldberg, but what happened last night was…..a word they don’t actually censor. TV-14 it is I suppose. Hart screwed one of the boys and now he has to pay.
Creative Control says Nash is the biggest politician in the locker room. So yeah, it’s clearly a big worked shoot (in case it wasn’t obvious before) and the audience, after sitting through Madusa vs. Buzzkill and Hennig vs. Morrus/Pop gets to hear a lot of stuff that is probably going over their collective heads while Russo jerks off to this nonsense because it makes him feel so much smarter than everyone else. I understand what they’re talking about and it’s just so dumb.
Tank Abbott vs. Jerry Flynn
No holds barred of course. They trade slaps/punches before shoving the referee, drawing out security to break it up. Flynn is put in handcuffs and Tank knocks him out cold. This didn’t last a minute and the fans are rightfully booing it out of the building.
Goldberg arrives.
Here’s the Revolution for what is actually the most interesting part of the show so far. Douglas talks about how the Revolution was proven right at Starrcade, but we pause for a word from Saturn about Tootsie Pops. He calls out Jim Duggan to denounce America, but Jim doesn’t want to do it. Instead, Duggan says he lied and gets beaten down. The Revolution goes to burn the American flag but the Filthy Animals (minus Eddie) return for the save. Great. It’s this feud again. Shane’s look of shock when the Animals came out (walking at about half a mile an hour) is great.
Here’s Piper for his big explanation as Goldberg and Hart watch from backstage. Piper lists off some of the evil things he’s done in the past before going into a mini rant against Russo’s writing. Couldn’t they just call it like, match making? Anyway, Piper knows people just want to see the wrestlers fight. After listing off his accomplishments from the 80s, Piper says he’s a real fighting and quits. His son comes out to walk to the back with him, but Goldberg comes out to block their way.
Goldberg has stayed up all night trying to make sense of this (now THAT is probably a shoot comment). He’s looked up to a few guys all his life and until last night Piper was on that list. Piper made the wrong decision last night but Goldberg doesn’t think Piper would ever sell out. Roddy apologizes and things seem to be a bit better until Bret comes out to pick it up all over again. As far as he’s concerned, there’s no point in blaming Piper and the title is vacant. Bret goes to the back to tell the Powers That Be what they can do with their title. Keep shooting people. You’ll hit something eventually, though it’s likely your own foot.
Post break, Hart yells at Russo, but the boss says that was an attempt at making up for Montreal. Yes seriously, THAT’S THEIR BIG STORY. Bret throws the belt at Russo so he makes Hart vs. Goldberg for tonight. Nice to see them continue their tradition of airing the same match the night after Starrcade. I mean, it’s gone so well before.
Meng/Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay/Brian Knobbs
Hardcore of course. So why would Meng want to team with Smiley here? My question is quickly answered as Meng goes after Smiley before their opponents come out. Knobbs and Finlay come out to watch as the announcers try to explain the psychology. Apparently Knobbs and Finlay want Norman to keep the Hardcore Title so they can take it from him with less of a fight.
Therefore, we’re supposed to ignore the two of them knocking Smiley out cold with a pipe so Norman could pin him with one hand last night, proving that they could beat Meng with ease. As for the match, Norman gets chased through the crowd, objects are thrown, a bathroom is invaded, Norman’s head is put in a toilet and Knobbs gets the pin.
Rating: F. We’re over an hour into this show and this is the second best match of the night so far. I’m not sure if it’s good or horribly stupid that they’re trying to add psychology to this division. Yeah there’s an idea to it, but the idea is stupid. The joke isn’t funny though and Meng was just kind of there most of the “match” as everyone else was “fighting.”
Piper tells his kid to wait in the limo and gets a ball bat.
Video of the Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea’s recording session where he doesn’t actually sing. Somehow this sounds like one of the more logical things on the show.
Hart is walking and runs into Piper. Bret tries to talk but Piper is back to babbling to himself.
Maestro vs. Evan Karagias
It’s a flashback to the NWO days as the announcers ignore what’s going on in the ring to talk about the backstage stuff. Maestro runs him over to start but Evan hits a springboard spinning cross body. Evan rains down right hands in the corner until he gets dropped throat first across the top rope. We get a bit of a tease as Maestro loads up a chinlock but slaps Evan in the face with both hands instead.
The announcers talk about Montreal with Tony saying it’s unbelievable that Russo wants to make up with Hart. Evan fights up and counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb. Symphony gets shoved onto the apron but Evan has a quick change of heart to check on her. The distraction lets Maestro hit a knee to the back for the pin. Symphony is of course fine. Tony: “She sold that knee.”
Rating: D. Total mentions of Evan losing the title last night: zero. Then again it’s fairly clear that there’s no future to the title so losing the belt might have been the best thing possible for Evan. Maestro and Symphony are a nothing pairing but at least they’re not victims of a stalker anymore.
Piper literally destroys the Powers That Be’s office. Piper: “How about Adrian Adonis and Gorilla Monsoon?” And yes, he breaks the fourth wall.
Chavo Guerrero tries to sell Evan a book on how to pick up chicks. Thankfully, this ends in a beating.
Chris Kanyon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Kanyon says this isn’t Hollywood and talks about destroying the Triad. Bigelow and Page come out and double team him with Page hitting a Rock Bottom and Bigelow adding a headbutt. A clothesline and another headbutt have Kanyon reeling but Page and Bigelow argue about which finisher should end Kanyon. Page offers a handshake but pulls Bigelow into a Diamond Cutter. It’s angle time though as Page drops to the floor, kisses a fan, and leaves. J. Biggs throws Kanyon a briefcase but the referee cuts him off, allowing Kanyon to hit Bigelow with a champagne bottle for the pin.
Rating: D+. Well that happened. They spent the entire summer building up the Triad and then the blowoff (I guess?) match takes four minutes with no announcement on a Nitro? Sounds appropriate to me. At least Kanyon has a new character and he’s getting as close as he can to thriving in it.
Bigelow is busted way open and Kanyon is bleeding from the hand. Were they stupid enough to use a real bottle???
Creative Control vs. Kevin Nash
There’s no referee so I don’t think this is a match. Actually that makes sense given how things worked earlier. Hall accompanies Nash on crutches. Since this isn’t a match (no bell), the twins tag. Nash slugs away at Patrick in the corner and kicks Gerald in the face as the tagging part is already done.
The numbers catch up with Nash and Gerald takes him down for a cover but there’s no referee. Heenan praises Nash for having the guts to say what he said earlier in the night. They start going after Kevin’s knee and the tagging starts up again. Hall gets bored and comes inside for some crutch shots to the twins. Creative Control walks out to end whatever this was.
Luger and Liz are amused at Sting having a broken jaw. Why they’re in the rafters and why Luger is dressed as Sting isn’t clear but I don’t think I want to know.
US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett
Another ladder match with Benoit defending because there’s no reason not to do it again twenty four hours later. At least it was good last night so maybe it works again here. They slug it out to start and Benoit takes over with a pair of dropkicks. Benoit ties him in the Tree of Woe for a running dropkick but Jeff crotches him against the post to take over. Back up and Benoit is the first to the ladder but he has to side step the baseball slide.
Benoit throws him into the chair in the corner before nailing the back and knee with the same chair. Jeff stays on the floor and holds his leg as Benoit breaks the ladder by stepping on the rungs. Tony: “Someone has gimmicked this ladder!” Tenay: “You know who it is!” Heenan: “Kidman?” The other side’s rungs break as well and it’s a guitar shot to Benoit as Jeff’s leg is fine. He grabs a fresh ladder and wins the title because SCREW YOU BENOIT FANS! YOU’RE GETTING JARRETT WHETHER YOU CARE OR NOT!
Rating: D+. They said the word gimmick for the ladder about ten times in two minutes near the end as the levels of obnoxiousness get higher and higher every single week. Benoit winning the title last night and being in the main event of a pay per view last month already seem to be nothing but memories.
After a bunch of replays, Curt Hennig tells Jarrett that the Powers That Be need to see him.
Sid Vicious vs. The Wall
Sid kicks him in the face to start and takes it outside for some right hands to Wall’s face. Back in and Wall hits him right back, only to eat a chokeslam. Cue Berlyn for a distraction, allowing Wall to load up a chokeslam of his own. Not that it matters as Berlyn missile dropkicks Wall for the DQ.
Sid powerbombs Berlyn and shakes Wall’s hand to complete the face turn.
Russo tells Jarrett that it’s going to happen tonight.
Disco offers to pay the mafia but Tony Marinara’s dad tells him he can join the Family or spend the rest of his life in a coma.
Harlem Heat vs. Varsity Club
Rotundo/Steiner here with Sullivan on commentary, where he spends the whole match referring to Rick as Robbie (Rick’s real name) because SHOOTING IS COOL AND HIP AND MAKES US SMARTER THAN YOU SO HA! Stevie quickly runs Rotundo over to start before it’s off to the partners. Booker kicks him in the face a few times but it’s too much to ask Steiner to sell so it’s a big clothesline to put Booker on the floor. Things get a bit confusing as the Varsity Club decides they’re the Freebirds (they’re from the right time period) and start changing places with Rotundo going to commentary.
That lasts all of eight seconds before Mike runs back in and misses a charge, allowing Booker to plant him with a Rock Bottom. Stevie comes in off the hot tag and cleans house but there go the lights because it’s Midnight. Ever the genius, Stevie yells at her, allowing Mike to roll him up for the pin.
Rating: D. More mindless brawling here with Booker doing everything he could to make it a match. I still have no idea why the Varsity Club is back as Rick was the only one doing anything, even though he’s one of the least likeable people on the roster. I’ll give them this though: at least this felt like a match, even with the screwy ending.
PG-13 runs in and attacks the Varsity Club. They can’t be serious.
The yet to be named Daffney is getting a Surge when the Misfits come up to hit on her. For reasons of crazy, she knees Jerry Only low and runs off.
Here’s David Flair for a chat but he beats up David Penzer first. Flair calls out Vampiro, who says he has no problem with David. Vampiro yells at Daffney but eats a crowbar shot. Jerry Only comes out and takes a beating as well, leaving David and Daffney to kiss.
Buff Bagwell comes out with something to say. He’s had a good career in WCW but now he wants some gold around his waist. Gene goes way out in right field and asks about rumors regarding Bagwell and Kimberly Page. Buff pushes the mic away and whispers to Gene, but Okerlund says that sounds like an admission of guilt. Bagwell admits that Kimberly is a knockout and if Page wasn’t a factor, he would, and I quote, “put his stuff all over Kim.” He mentions his bed and Page comes out to jump Bagwell.
Piper says goodbye to the locker room and calls Sid a kid. He rambles on about how hard wrestling has been on him and wants the boys to fight back against the Powers That Be.
WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Goldberg
The title is officially vacant coming in and Jeff Jarrett is watching on a monitor in the back. Goldberg hammers him in the face to start and chokes with a boot in the corner. They head outside with Goldberg hammering away even more as Bret has been on defense almost all match. Back in and a powerslam drops Hart but he grabs the ropes to break up a leg lock.
Bret starts going after the leg with kicks to the knee before wrapping it around the ropes. The referee goes down because of course he does and Bret slaps on the Figure Four. Cue the Outsiders with ball bats to beat up Goldberg. Bret lets go of the hold and beats on Goldberg as well so Piper comes back to try and protect Goldberg as the referee calls for the bell. There was a cover in there somewhere and Bret has won the title.
Jeff Jarrett comes out with spraypaint and……THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER! Bret tries to say something but his mic doesn’t work. Everyone celebrates with their new titles to end the show.
Overall Rating: W. That’s W for waste. I’ve watched a lot of wrestling shows in my day (upwards of 4,000 last I checked). In the course of my time as a fan, I don’t remember a show that felt like a waste of my time. That has changed after this show. I can live with a show where nothing happens. I can live with a show full of bad matches. I can live with a show where the company loses its way for a night.
That’s not what happened on this show. This show was about eliminating every single concept and idea of logic and common sense from what used to be World Championship Wrestling. I’m not going to go into the long, long list of things this show did that made no sense, as A, I don’t have that much memory on this computer and B, I don’t think my blood pressure can take it.
Let’s sum up the major flaw in logic on this show. The idea is that Russo and company are in charge of booking the show and have turned it into a shoot. Ignoring how absolutely stupid that is to point out (from a kayfabe perspective, wrestling is always supposed to be a shoot), let’s go with Russo’s theory (I’ll ask for forgiveness later). Let’s say that Russo has complete authority and is writing himself into this position.
If that’s the case, why have any of his guys ever lost a match and why did we need some big conspiracy? Why didn’t Russo just book his boys on top the second he debuted? Why are we having some big conspiracy with Jarrett having to win the title back? Why am I supposed to believe anything that happens if Russo is just in charge of the whole thing? Did he book Nash to fight back against his authority or is Nash going into business for himself?
I get that it’s what Russo is going for, but it leaves so many ridiculous holes in the story and makes the whole thing so completely illogical that you can’t buy into anything going on in this company. Ninety percent of the show is scripted but THIS RIGHT HERE is real? Why should I believe that? At the end of the day, this is wrestling. I shouldn’t need a scorecard and a flow chart to keep track of what’s going on, nor should I have to hear all these insider terms. This is the definition of too much going on and making things way too complicated.
This stopped being wrestling and became Russo having fun and deciding to make this show his big personal playground. He’s removed logic and common sense from this show in order to turn it into some insider fest. I know I say this a lot, but I literally do not think it can get worse than this. They’ve taken away any the basic core principles of wrestling and made this a B movie. There is however one bright spot to this whole mess: Jim Cornette suddenly makes so much more sense to me.
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Well that’s certainly different. I can’t wait for them to use the obvious six people for the Intercontinental Title match though, making sure we’re never getting any elevation and with the title winding up on Ziggler or Barrett. Again.
The Tag Team Title match could be fun though.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 11, 2015
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Booker T.
It’s the go home show for Payback and the big story tonight is the return of the Authority, who are back after a few weeks off on vacation. Coming out of last week, the most interesting change is Cincinnati’s own Dean Ambrose being added to the main event on Sunday. Let’s get to it.
HHH arrives without Stephanie. There may be hope yet.
Opening sequence.
Here’s HHH to get things going. He talks about how his kids are so much better behaved when he says Daddy’s home, which is how things need to be around here with Kane and Seth Rollins. Seth is out first and agrees with what HHH (his daddy you see) said: they need to be on the same page. The fans want Ambrose but they get Rollins calling Kane a 7′ cancer trying to kill the Authority from the inside.
Rollins rants about Kane making the App vote to set up the triple threat, which was then turned into a fourway with Dean Ambrose. Seth: “THERE! Are you happy? I said his stupid name!” Maybe it’s time for Kane to be put aside as Director of Operations, because he’s not the same Kane that HHH used to run with. When were they EVER friends? Was that in the glorious Attitude Era when everyone was just so close in the destruction of WCW, which of course was never any sort of threat to the WWF, especially with DX around to win the Monday Night Wars totally on their own?
The argument starts again but HHH cuts them off to say he understands that Rollins can be annoying at times. However, he and Kane need to work together. Therefore, if Seth doesn’t leave Payback with the title, Kane must set himself on fire. Sorry, bit of a flashback there. If Rollins doesn’t keep the title, Kane is out as boss. HHH needs to makes sure Kane is invested in the plan though, so he makes Kane vs. Reigns and Rollins vs. Orton tonight. Noble interrupts but HHH laughs the Stooges off and makes short jokes before putting them in a handicap match with Ambrose.
Jamie Noble/Joey Mercury vs. Dean Ambrose
Ambrose beats on Mercury to start and clotheslines him out to the floor before going after Noble for a change of pace. Jamie begs off and runs to the floor to escape Dirty Deeds, allowing Mercury to sneak in from behind and pull Dean off the top and onto the ropes. Joey’s chinlock doesn’t do him much good as Dean sends the Stooges into each other. Jamie gets chopped down but Mercury breaks up the bulldog out of the corner. That earns them a double suicide dive, followed by the top rope standing elbow for two on Jamie. Dirty Deeds ends Noble at 5:23.
Rating: D+. What do you really want me to say here? It’s a total massacre with Dean never breaking a sweat to win. I’ll give them this though: the Stooges are a better option in the ring than the originals, as you could only but Patterson and Brisco as a physical threat against a handful of people. Noble and Mercury aren’t great, but they’re hardly ancient.
Cole says there’s an interesting poll on WWE.com where fans give Ambrose a 25% chance to win on Sunday. Just….yeah.
Dolph Ziggler vs. King Barrett
Sheamus on commentary and Barrett’s pre-match promo tell us that it’s Sheamus vs. Ziggler and Barrett vs. Neville on Sunday. Ziggler superkicks Barrett at the bell for two and we take an early break. Back with Barrett putting on a royal chinlock before Dolph fights up for two off a Fameasser. A dropkick gets the same for Dolph and draws Sheamus out of his chair. The distraction lets Barrett nail the Bull Hammer for the pin at 6:00. Too much in the break to rate but this was nothing to see.
Post match Sheamus yells that Dolph isn’t fit to clean his shoes and winds up eating a Brogue Kick.
Erick Rowan vs. Fandango
Harper is in Rowan’s corner and this is revenge from Smackdown where Rowan laid Fandango out. The announcers take bets on how long it takes Rowan to crush Fandango. A spinwheel kick and full nelson slam give Erick the pin at 37 seconds.
It’s Open Challenge time and Cena is surprised that there are some people here who sound like John Cena fans. Whether you like him or hate him, it’s pretty clear that everyone respects the US Title. Cena believes that this is the greatest country on earth and this title is its trophy.
There are wrestlers who will work their entire lives and never get a chance at the WWE Title, but that’s what makes the US Title special: everyone has an opportunity to take this from him. Everyone except Rusev that is, because he wants his match at Payback. People have advised Cena to cancel the Open Challenge tonight, but Cena thinks we should ask the people. The fans want a match so the challenge is on.
US Title: John Cena vs. Neville
Neville tries an armbar to start but the champ drops him with an elbow to the jaw for two. We hit the chinlock but Neville fights up and dropkicks Cena outside as we take a break. Back with Cena hitting the shoulders until he walks into a German suplex for two. Cena rolls outside and takes a huge corkscrew Asai moonsault with a big crash landing. Back in and a middle rope Phoenix Splash gets two on Cena. Neville fires off his kicks but charges into a sitout powerslam for two.
Cena can’t follow up but he can roll through Cena’s middle rope cross body into an AA, only to have Neville flip out and blast Cena with a superkick for two. The Red Arrow takes too long to set up though and Cena pulls him into the STF, only to have Neville roll over for two. Cena gets annoyed with Neville and takes his head off with a clothesline. Back up and Cena misses a charge and gets kicked in the head, only to snap off an AA for two. Cena loads up the super AA but Neville counters into a sitout powerbomb. The Red Arrow connects but Rusev comes in for the DQ at 14:47.
Rating: B+. Well of course Rusev comes in because THIS FEUD MUST FREAKING CONTINUE EVEN THOUGH NO ONE BUT THE LAZY WRITERS BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO DO ANYTHING NEW AND JUST HAVE THE SAME STUPID MATCH OVER AND OVER UNTIL NO ONE CARES ABOUT RUSEV BECAUSE CENA BEATS HIM THREE PAY PER VIEWS IN A ROW. Great match of course but gah I’m sick of this Cena vs. Rusev feud because no one on the planet buys Rusev as having a chance save for a fluke ending.
Rusev Accolades Cena post match and we get the eternally stupid question of CAN RUSEV MAKE CENA QUIT ON SUNDAY? Allow me to put this politely: STOP BOOKING CENA IN I QUIT MATCHES BECAUSE THE IDEA STOPPED BEING INTERESTING TEN YEARS AGO!
Kane vs. Roman Reigns
Kane jumps Reigns during his entrance and destroys him before the bell. Reigns fights back and knocks Kane into the barricade, only to be sent hard into the steps. The announcers’ table is loaded up but Reigns dives over the steps and Superman Punches Kane onto the table. A spear onto but not through the table puts both guys down. No match.
Brie Bella vs. Tamina
This is basically a proxy match for Naomi vs. Nikki. Tamina takes Brie down with some hard shots, including a stiff clothesline for two. Brie flips out of a belly to back and fights back, only to screw up a ram into the buckle. How can you possibly screw up pushing someone into a buckle? The running knee in the ropes has Tamina in trouble but she comes back with a superkick for the pin at 3:22.
Rating: D. How do you screw up ramming someone face first into the buckle? It’s hard for me to say this but Nikki is so far ahead of Brie in the ring that it’s not even funny. Brie didn’t look lost out there but she didn’t look polished on offense. Granted it might be because she’s been relegated to a glorified cheerleader in recent weeks.
Curtis Axel vs. Macho Mandow
Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Mandow loads up the elbow about thirty seconds in but cue the Ascension to say this isn’t entertaining. This is now the age of total devastation so welcome to the wasteland. Ascension hits the ring at about 2:00 for the no contest…..and they’re promptly beaten down as the new Mega Powers hit the leg and load up the elbow but Ascension bails. We even get the big handshake as the Ascension is further buried. And yes, this is being buried.
Tough Enough videos.
Here’s a sad looking Daniel Bryan with something to say. He’s been in and out of doctors’ offices lately and it’s given him a lot of down time. Bryan needed to be back here with his music playing and the fans cheering for him. He can’t remember how long the fans have been cheering for him like he’s something special but it was about a year ago when he had to vacate the World Title. Stephanie McMahon told him that he couldn’t do it last year and as much as he hates to admit it, she was right.
Last year he couldn’t wrestle and give the title the respect that it deserved. That brings him to tonight, as he doesn’t know if he can defend this title regularly. He recently had an MRI and the doctors aren’t sure when he’s going to be able to get back in the ring. The fans deserve wrestlers fighting for this title in this ring, and this ring is where Bryan is going to leave it. Tonight the title is officially vacated. Daniel and the fans thank each other and he walks away.
Here’s New Day for a match but first, Woods says don’t be sad over Bryan because it’s a NEW DAY. Everyone deserves a second chance (Big E.: “Except Pete Rose.”), so they’re giving Cesaro and Tyson Kidd a second chance on Sunday in a 2/3 falls match.
Big E. vs. Cesaro
Cesaro grabs a quick slam for two before knocking E. to the floor for a break. Back with Cesaro reversing an abdominal stretch into a gutwrench suplex. Cesaro has to roll away from a Warrior Splash but gets caught by a Rock Bottom out of the corner for two. Back up and Cesaro hits a ridiculous springboard spinning European uppercut before rolling some Germans. Kidd and Woods get into it on the floor but the distraction lets Cesaro small package Big E. for the pin at 9:50.
Rating: C. This was decent enough but they needed less time in the break and more time in the match itself. Cesaro continues to thrive in this face role as we’re seeing what fans wanted to get last year instead of the Paul Heyman guy disaster. Nice little TV match here, but there’s nothing these teams can’t pull off.
Axelmania/Macho Mandow vs. Ascension on the pre-show. Well of course it is.
There’s going to be a second pay per view in May, featuring the return of the Elimination Chamber on May 30, or two weeks after Payback.
The Prime Time Players imitate the New Age Outlaws this week. If you’re not down with that, they have three words for you: millions of dollars.
Here’s Bray Wyatt to talk about the fear that is sold to us every day. Fear of a crumbling economy that will never stop. Fear of a global conflict. Fear of a dying earth. Ryback must be such an inspiration to all of you. His ankle was destroyed and he was told he might never get in this ring again. Ryback got back in though and destroys everything in his path, but he’s never seen anything like Bray Wyatt before. Sometimes the bad guy just wins. Only on C level pay per views, so Bray has a good shot on Sunday. Cue Ryback to clean house.
Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins
Non-title and Rollins is on his own. Orton runs him over to start and stomps away but Rollins sends him into the middle buckle. A knee to the back sends Orton to the floor and us to a break. Back with Orton in a chinlock before fighting up and nailing a superplex. They slowly slug it out with Orton taking over off some clotheslines but charging into an elbow to the jaw.
Rollins dives into the powerslam for two but nails the springboard knee to the jaw for two. He really likes hitting Orton in the jaw. A t-bone suplex puts Seth down but Orton rolls outside, setting up the suicide dive from the champ. They’re just trading big moves here. Back in and the RKO is countered into the low superkick (of course to the jaw) for two more. Rollins charges into the elevated DDT and the RKO is loaded up but we’ve got Stooges for the DQ at 14:15.
Rating: C. This was decent enough but they weren’t hiding the impending DQ. I’m not a fan of matches like these but the majority of the match was spent trading big moves, which at least keeps things interesting. It’s nothing great, but I don’t think this is going to be as well received as it should.
Post match Orton gets beaten down but Kane comes out to get a chair. Ambrose and Reigns come out to clean house, leaving Rollins surrounded. Kane watches as Seth takes all three finishers but Reigns spears Orton down, only to walk into Dirty Deeds to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. It’s nowhere near as good as last week, but that’s not a fair standard to live up to. The key improvement in the last two weeks has been the pacing. They’ve cut WAY down on the amount of backstage segments and it’s made the show so much easier to sit through.
Those times in the back where Kane and Rollins bicker and the Authority cuts their stupid promos that say nothing but eat up five minute each would bring the shows to a grinding halt. However, we really, really need to get past Payback so we can get in a fresh story….which will last two weeks until the Elimination Chamber because WE MUST SELL THE NETWORK! EVEN IF THE PLAN DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE!
Results
Dean Ambrose b. Jamie Noble/Joey Mercury – Dirty Deeds to Noble
Erick Rowan b. Fandango – Full nelson slam
Neville b. John Cena via DQ when Rusev interfered
Tamina b. Brie Bella – Superkick
Curtis Axel vs. Macho Mandow went to a no contest when Ascension interfered
Cesaro b. Big E. – Small package
Randy Orton b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury interfered
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As a Network exclusive. I guess the discussion went something like this.“We need to get people to pay for the cool stuff on the Network. Ideas?”
“LET’S GIVE THEM ALL THE COOL STUFF IN THE FREE MONTHS AND THEN NOTHING SPECIAL IN THE PAYING MONTHS!”
Because…..yeah why not.
I haven’t actually been to a live show since the Raw after Wrestlemania XXX so this had a pretty high mark to live up to. The ticket was under though and I had to drive about ten minutes instead of twelve hours so I didn’t have to invest much to get there.
I got there at about 6:30 for a 7:00 bell and the place was empty. To be fair, Rupp Arena is one of the biggest arenas in the country and it was Mother’s Day evening. The place did fill up a bit and the majority of the lower bowl was full, but there were wide gaps of empty seats. They lowered the lights for most of the arena but it still looked decent enough. The calendar probably did quite a bit of damage here but it wasn’t the only reason to blame for the low attendance. There were a ton of kids though and far more than adults.
The poll for the fan vote was should Lana be allowed at ringside for the main event. Not for a street fight or falls count anywhere, but should the hot blonde be allowed to stick around. I never saw the poll go lower than 70-30 to keep her around.
Rusev and Lana came on the screen to cut a quick promo about winning the title back. Lexington wasn’t mentioned so I’d assume this was the same video that airs everywhere.
HHH came on just after the lights went down to welcome us to the show, again with no city mentioned. This was the good version of HHH so we got an ARE YOU READY to get us going.
First up was Neville beating Barrett with the Red Arrow. This was a great choice to open the show with Barrett in the role he was born to play. Before the match he told everyone to kneel in front of the king and Tony Chimmel and the referee followed the king’s orders. Neville answered an open challenge and had one of the best matches of the night. What I like most about Neville is that he wrestles like a guy eight inches taller and 50lbs heavier than he actually is. Instead of a guy who wrestles like a small wrestler, he’s a wrestler who happens to be small.
The interesting thing here was that Neville wrestles like a superhero, kind of in the vein of the original Sin Cara, minus the botches. He comes off like someone willing to fight against anyone above him, which makes for a much more interesting character than just another cruiserweight.
Finally, Barrett said he has injured Daniel Bryan so severely that Bryan is retired. Why is it so complicated to have a wrestler injure another and then brag about causing the injury? It’s such an evil move to do but for some reason it’s taken weeks to get there. Use it to turn Barrett into an even bigger villain instead of hiding behind reality.
Damien Sandow beat Heath Slater in a short comedy match. I really don’t think you need much more of an explanation here, but Sandow has lost a lot of steam since that Miz feud ended.
Nikki Bella successfully defended the Divas Title against Naomi. This was the old Naomi in the bright green, though she was still the villain. Nikki got a big reaction from the fans, which makes sense given that she’s basically the new Kelly Kelly, if Kelly ever had a horrible feud with her sister. Naomi hit the Rear View but spent too much time dancing to cover. Later on she tried to bring in the title but had to deal with Brie, allowing Nikki to hit the Rack Attack for the pin. Nikki has the potential to be a pretty solid face champion, but the stuff before this really dragged her down.
In another lame match, Fandango beat Adam Rose with a small package. I really don’t know what else there is to say here.
We then had a Connor the Crusher video and a special Mother’s Day message from Mr. T. These received a very nice ovation and amused applause respectfully.
Next was one of the most disappointing matches of the night with Dean Ambrose defeating Luke Harper. Ambrose was fine, but Harper looked way off for some reason. He kept showing off his biceps, which isn’t exactly what you imagine coming from him. Maybe he’s trying something new, but this really didn’t need to be anything but their usual solid formula.
Intermission, meaning nachos and a water……which costs the same as a soda so it was a Sierra Mist. Seriously, charging $3.50 for a cup of water is ridiculous.
Back from the break and we had one of the most interesting matches of the night. Erick Rowan defeated Bo Dallas in something resembling a comedy match (Bo put the mask on and then Erick ran a lap around the ring like Dallas), but the interesting thing was Rowan playing the good guy after he turned heel on Smackdown. Translation: WWE doesn’t watch Smackdown either. The match was nothing special, as you would likely expect.
At this point, the show was starting to drag. After nearly two hours of some so-so matches and little worth remembering, I was feeling a bit drained. But then, something happened. I began to feel something. Oh yes, I began to feel the POWAH! The POWAH of the New Day was so strong that it knocked the fans out of rhythm on the NEW DAY SUCKS chants. Before the match, New Day talked about being similar to the Kentucky Wildcats basketball team: big, strong and athletic, but they can actually win a title and will be around for more than one year. They also sang us an original composition called We Are The Champions.
The title defense was a four way elimination match with New Day (Woods/Kofi) defending against Ascension, the Prime Time Players and Tyson Kidd/Cesaro. Kidd/Cesaro got a solid reaction but Titus was very over as well. The match was the best of the night by far with everyone getting a chance to show off. There was even an innovative spot with Woods trying a sunset flip on Viktor but not being able to get him over. With the two of them distracted, Kidd picked up Woods’ legs and catapulted him into a low blow on Viktor.
Eventually everything broke down with Cesaro and Kidd cleaning house, until Woods made a blind tag as Kidd dropped the elbow off Cesaro’s shoulders. Woods snuck in and stole the pin on Viktor to retain because the New Day is great at being sneaky. Post match Kidd and Cesaro cleaned house with the Cesaro Swing into the dropkick. Big E. eventually put Woods/Kingston on his shoulders and carried them out in a great visual. This was the match of the night by far.
The main event was Cena successfully defending the US Title over Rusev. If you’ve seen one of these matches, you’ve seen them all.
As I was walking to the car, I stopped by the parking lot and saw Neville/Bo Dallas, the Prime Time Players, Slater/Ascension and maybe Big E. leaving. Neville was the only one to wave and acknowledge the fans waiting, but to be fair he’s the only heel there.
Overall it wasn’t the best show, but for $18 I easily got my money’s worth. It didn’t help that the roster was split and the endings were mostly obvious, but still, good enough for a Mother’s Day house show.
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Featuring me talking about a house show I went to earlier tonight, a very good opening rant on Vince Russo (the classics never die), and of course a discussion of 3 Count.