Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: March 2, 2015
It’s been a week since the last episode of Monday Night Raw and I’m still somewhat annoyed at what I sat through last week. I try to do these a bit sooner but I needed some extra time to let this one get out of my mind before I rant on it all over again. I’m going to try to focus on the good things this time and give the show a fairer look as the show made me so mad last week that I wasn’t able to focus on things like I should have. Let’s get to it.
Before we get started, let’s establish something. With four episodes to go before Wrestlemania, every single episode of this show should be designed to make me want to watch Wrestlemania and little else. The show hasn’t had a great build to this point and
Rollins and the Stooges opened the show with the former calling out Jon Stewart, who is on his way to the arena. This brought out Reigns, but Rollins mentioned a bunch of internet reports and referenced people like Wiz Khalifa (performing next week), Michael Jordan (became a billionaire last week) and Mark Henry (rumored to return last week but didn’t). I’m really not sure what the point of this was but it really didn’t do much.
Seth implied he was going to cash in at Wrestlemania or the night after on Raw but got punched in the mouth instead. Like most other things on this show, there really wasn’t much to it and it really didn’t make me care about anyone involved. Basically it set up the Stewart appearance and established that Reigns was in the building. Not much here.
Post break Orton yelled at the Stooges for letting that happen to Rollins and suggested Rollins vs. Reigns tonight. Again, this is holding the viewers’ hand and walking them through every single thing instead of just throwing up a graphic and saving five minutes.
Dean Ambrose beat Bad News Barrett with Dirty Deeds. This involved more shenanigans with the Intercontinental Title and helped set up the ladder match. This is another big deal at the moment and I seem to be on the opposite side of most people. Here’s the thing: yes it’s doing something with the Intercontinental Title, but I still don’t like it. The same title match could be set up so easily without having the champion lose all the time. Instead, he keeps losing every match he’s in and the title is literally handed around as a prize.
You know what really brought this angle down for me? The quick promo Ambrose gave on the snowed out Raw where he talked about wanting to make the title mean something. This has done the opposite of that and turned the title into a comedy prop. It’s true that this is an upgrade over what the title has been for years now, but it could so easily be done better that it drives me crazy.
Miz debuted the commercial he stole from Mizdow. Of course it was a comedy bit with Miz implying he had erectile dysfunction and included quotes from Miz completely out of context. We’ll ignore the company filming Miz’s parts before he agreed to be in them for the sake of comedy. Of course everyone laughed and Miz blamed Mizdow, but the big eruption didn’t happen yet. I’m still not sure what happens at Wrestlemania though as Mizdow throwing out Miz and then getting thrown out kind of defeats the purpose.
Bray Wyatt lit a casket on fire. If Undertaker isn’t going to show up until Wrestlemania, Bray has to do more than just talk so this is the smartest thing he can do.
Cesaro/Kidd/Natalya b. Naomi/the Usos to continue this feud. I’m hoping we get some fresh challengers for the champs soon.
Now we get to the segment that ruined this show for me. John Cena came out and said he wanted to face Rusev for the title again at Wrestlemania. He wants to bring it back to America, but if Rusev won’t accept the challenge, maybe he’ll enter the Andre the Giant battle royal. This part was fine. Far fetched, but fine.
Then Stephanie came out and right away I saw a red flag. Here’s the problem: she has nothing to do with this story. Nothing. Why was she out here? No one mentioned her name and she hasn’t had any direct connection with Cena or Rusev in weeks if not months, but here she was anyway.
So anyway she said that Cena isn’t allowed to just decide what match he’s in (Cena: “That’s what people do in a battle royal.”), didn’t understand a Murder’s Row reference, and started talking about being Andre the Giant’s friend. She pulled up a picture of her sitting on Andre’s knee at the first Wrestlemania and said Cena wasn’t going to disrespect his memory like this. This is about Wrestlemania, which is far bigger than John Cena. John needs to think about what he’ll do without WWE, not the other way around.
This brings up the obvious question: WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? How did we go from Cena wanting to fight Rusev for the US Title to Stephanie and Andre the Giant in the span of five minutes? This segment felt like nothing more than a way to get Stephanie on the show and let her rip Cena’s balls off because that’s what her character does anymore.
It didn’t have anything to do with Wrestlemania because no one believes Cena isn’t going to fight Rusev again, and as Cena said, EVERYONE JUST ENTERS THE BATTLE ROYAL. Stephanie said something about Cena not respecting Andre’s legacy, which implies that Cena isn’t important. Isn’t this the same Cena that the Authority sucked up to for weeks on end a while back? The whole speech made no sense and was even worse live than recapping it here.
But then, something happened to make it feel a lot better. Curtis Axel, now a full on Hogan tribute character, to say he might be the next John Cena and could win the battle royal. Stephanie makes Cena vs. Axel so Cena can prove himself or something, but the Rusev stuff is so far gone by now that it doesn’t matter. Cena squashed him in two minutes. Axel was great, but there was no saving this segment. Rusev came out and said no so Cole implied Cena won’t be at Wrestlemania.
“Yes you too can see Wrestlemania for just $10 on the WWE Network! John Cena! Daniel Bryan! These are just some of the people who might not be on the show!” I’m sure so many people are going to stick around to see if their favorites might be on the show to give you your money. Or maybe Stephanie will tell us what she did in fourth grade! That’s a crowd for sure.
HHH came out and talked about how Sting was given a chance to leave without pain but he chose to fight instead. Booker T. was called into the ring, said no one could control Sting including HHH, and got fired. He went to leave but HHH hired him back because he wanted to show off his control. I’m still not 100% clear on what this feud is about, but Sting better win at Wrestlemania or the entire arena is going to go flat quick.
Paige vs. Nikki Bella got big match intros and lasted all of seven minutes. Of course half of that was in a commercial and the match ended with a DQ, but that’s more of a chance than they usually get. The big deal here was AJ returned to save Paige, setting up a tag match at Wrestlemania.
The other big bit of the night was Jon Stewart coming out to face off with Seth Rollins. They knocked this out of the park with Stewart giving one of, if not the best celebrity appearance ever. You can tell he’s a big WWE fan and knew what he was talking about as he ripped into Rollins. The big line here though, and one that seemed to be planting seeds for later, was Stewart asking why the Authority isn’t putting Rollins in the main event of Wrestlemania if they’re all behind him. The brawl broke out and Orton offered a distraction so Stewart could kick Rollins low and leave. This was exactly what it needed to be and the highlight of the show.
Daniel Bryan beat Luke Harper in a quick match. More belt shenanigans followed and ended with Ziggler taking the belt.
Alundra Blayze is going to the Hall of Fame. That’s another name on the list of WOW returns.
Orton promised to have Rollins’ back tonight but Big Show and Kane told him to stay out. I still have no idea what they’re waiting on with this story.
Heyman came out and said Lesnar was tough and Reigns couldn’t beat him. There are only so many ways Heyman can say the exact same thing before it stops working. Lesnar needs to show up already so we can mix the story up a bit.
The main event was a big standard show closing fight with Rollins pinning Reigns. Yeah this happened, for reasons that I still do not understand. Yeah apparently the idea to have Reigns look like he can beat the unbeatable Lesnar is to have him lose to someone who doesn’t have a Wrestlemania match right now. Orton tripped Reigns up for the loss, but it’s still a stupid idea.
BUT WAIT, the masses say, because Reigns hit a great looking dive onto the Authority and then speared Rollins out of the air to end the show. This felt like a big fireworks show at a baseball stadium after the home team loses a close game. Yeah it may look cool, but it comes right after your soul gets ripped out. Tell me: why did Reigns need to lose this match? What good does that do anyone? Just saying “he didn’t need to win it” isn’t a good enough answer, because winning doesn’t mean much for him, but losing it makes him look weak going into the title match. These are the little things that are just done that drive me crazy.
Overall Raw felt like it had no idea what its goal was. The problem with that is there should be no doubt as to what the goal is right now. The goal should be Wrestlemania and making the fans want to see it. Instead, it feels like the goal is to cram in every single thing they can and hope that someone cares about some of it.
As good as Stewart’s appearance was, it really was just a good version of the usual guest stars schtick. I get why they did it because he’s the biggest name they’ve had on here in years, but it still doesn’t make me care about Wrestlemania any more than I already did. This company needs to tighten things up by about fourteen notches, because this Wrestlemania build has been a misguided disaster.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania X: Now With Two Times The Masterpiece
Wrestlemania X Date: March 20, 1994
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,065
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
Anyone that has read my stuff over the years knows that I believe Wrestlemania X7 to be the undisputed best show ever. This is one of the small handful of shows that I actually think about for awhile before saying X7 is better. On this show are two of the best matches of all time and two world title matches, all without Hogan. This show feels like a major show and it more than lives up to the hype. Let’s get to it.
We open with a clip from the first Wrestlemania. That still holds up to this day.
Little Richard and a choir sing America the Beautiful. The first version is just Richard but the choir kicks in on the second one, making for an awesome performance.
We recap Bret vs. Owen. Expect to hear the words “we recap” a lot tonight, because there is A LOT of backstory to this show. Back in mid to late 1993, Owen was getting annoyed at Bret getting all of the spotlight, but he went along with Bret and two more brothers on a Survivor Series team against Shawn Michaels and the Knights. The Knights were easily dispatched, but late in the match Owen was knocked into Bret, sending the elder brother (Bret) into the barricade. As his family went to check on him, Owen was rolled up and pinned, making him the only Hart to be eliminated.
This sent Owen into a tirade about how Bret was always hogging the spotlight. Owen challenged Bret to a match but Bret said no way. Instead, Bret offered to team up with Owen to win the tag titles, which was enough to appease Owen. At the Royal Rumble during the title shot, Bret injured his knee and refused to tag late in the match, causing the referee to stop the match due to the injury. Owen finally snapped and kicked Bret’s bad leg out from under him, fully turning heel in an awesome and totally justified moment.
Later in the night, Bret was in the Royal Rumble. He and Lex Luger were the last two men in the match and they both went out at the same time. No one could tell who hit the ground first, so they were declared co-winners. Therefore, both guys get title matches tonight. A coin toss was determined who would get the first shot at champion Yokozuna, which was won by Lex. Therefore, Lex gets a title shot first tonight, but Bret has to face suitable competition so he doesn’t get an unfair advantage in the later match. His opponent is his brother Owen (Luger would have faced Crush is Bret had won the toss). Got all that?
Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart
For reasons I’m not clear on, the Fink isn’t the announcer tonight. They lock up to start and Owen shoves Bret away, earning himself some celebrating. Bret takes him down to the mat but Owen escapes and celebrates again. Back to the mat for some amateur stuff but Owen grabs the rope. Owen tries to take it to the mat but Bret easily counters to send him out to the floor. Back in and Owen slaps him in the face to fire up his older brother.
More amateur stuff ensues and Owen gets to do his spinning counter to a wristlock, only to pull Bret down by the hair. Bret channels his inner Shawn and nips up before getting two off a rollup. Bret takes over with an armbar and a clothesline to send Owen out to the floor. Back in again and Bret slaps the blonde Hart before rolling him up for two. Bret hooks the armbar again before getting two off a crucifix. We’re about five minutes into this now and there is absolutely nothing to complain about. They get up again and Owen hits a sweet spinwheel kick to take over before stomping Bret to the floor.
Owen rams Bret back first into the post as the anger is starting to seep out. A backbreaker sets up a camel clutch back inside as Lawler is loving this. Owen yells at his brother in a great touch to the evilness. Bret breaks it pretty quickly but walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. A cross body by Owen is rolled through by Bret for two but Owen goes straight to the back again. Owen hits a German suplex for two and drops a leg on the back of Bret’s head for two more.
Bret tries to spin out of a suplex but gets caught in a tombstone. Owen goes up top but misses a swan dive, giving Bret the breather that he’s been needing. Bret starts firing back and gets two each off a clothesline and a Russian legsweep. There’s the backbreaker followed by the middle rope elbow for two more. It’s Sharpshooter time but Owen pops up and hits the enziguri to put Bret down.
Another Sharpshooter attempt is countered by Owen and a rollup gets two on Bret. This is very fast paced stuff. Owen heads to the floor and we get LUCHA BRET as he takes out his brother. He hurts his knee in the process though and Owen is very happy. Back inside and Owen goes for the leg, wrapping it around the post a few times because that’s what villains do. Off to an inverted Indian Deathlock by Owen but he lets it go before too long.
There’s a yet to be named dragon screw leg whip followed by a Figure Four (wrong leg of course) as Bret is in big trouble. Bret reverses and rolls into the ropes to break the hold but his knee is gone. An enziguri finally puts Owen down and buys big brother a breather. A headbutt puts Owen down again and there’s the chest first into the buckle bump for Owen. A bulldog gets two on Owen as does a sweet piledriver.
There’s a superplex for a delayed two as Jerry Lawler is freaking out. A sleeper is quickly broken up by a hidden low blow from Owen and it’s time for the Sharpshooter on Bret. The older Hart slaps the mat but it doesn’t mean anything yet. Bret reverses into a Sharpshooter of his own but Owen is right in front of the ropes. Owen charges into a boot in the corner so Bret loads up a rollup, but Owen counters into a cradle for the 100% clean pin.
Rating: A+. If there’s a better opening match anywhere, I’d love to see it. This was Owen’s coming out party and he looked excellent in doing it. Bret has no shame in losing here as he didn’t so much get beat as much as he got caught. This set up a great feud over the summer for the title between these two, but it never reached this level again. There was some DEEP psychology going on out there with Bret being hesitant to fight his brother and Owen using the advantage to catch Bret in a wrestling move, all on top of the leg injury. Excellent match and one of the best ever.
Owen says he told us all he could do it and he’s absolutely right.
We look at the Wrestlemania II battle royal.
Sy Sperling of the Hair Club for Men debuts a hairpiece for Fink. I’m thinking no on this one Howard.
Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink
Bigelow runs over Doink to start with a clothesline and a dropkick to silence the crowd. A headbutt misses though and the Clown pounds away a bit. Bigelow misses an elbow drop and it’s off to Dink, meaning Luna has to come in as well. This is your usual “comedy” but Luna does hit a running hip attack in 619 position but Dink starts running around in circles. The small clown goes up top but misses a dive.
Vachon goes up but misses a BIG splash, allowing the big boys to come back in. Doink pounds away but is clotheslined to the floor with one shot. Dink annoys both heels but Doink comes back in, only to be sat on in a sunset flip attempt. A charges misses the big clown though and a jumping DDT puts Bigelow down. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) completely misses and Dink is knocked to the floor. Doink tries a suplex but Bigelow falls on him for two. The top rope headbutt is enough to finish off the clowns.
Rating: D. This was bad but not completely terrible. Doink wasn’t doing his stupid comedy and thankfully Bigelow didn’t have to look all that stupid, which is the worst thing they could have done. The match wasn’t much but to be fair they needed something to give the crowd a breather after the awesome opener. This wasn’t horrible.
Bigelow tries to crush Dink but Doink makes the save.
A Bill Clinton impersonator is here. Somehow I.R.S. gets a spot in the presidential box.
Wrestlemania III was awesome!
Randy Savage vs. Crush
This is the result of a big heel turn by Crush where he cost Savage his broadcasting job. The idea was Yokozuna injured Crush but Savage didn’t come visit him, so Crush turned on him. This is a twist on the falls count anywhere match, but the deal is you have to pin someone out of the ring and the pinned guy has 60 seconds to make it back to the ring, making it more like a last man standing match actually. It’s also no holds barred.
Savage charges at Crush in the aisle but gets dropped on the barricade for a pin in about 40 seconds. Of course Savage makes it back in (despite some Fuji interference) but that’s a nice quick introduction to the concept. Savage is put in the Tree of Woe where Crush stomps away. Fuji hands Crush some salt but Randy knocks it into the evil one’s face. A top rope double ax has Crush in trouble and there’s the big elbow, but Savage has to send Crush to the floor before pinning him. Smart indeed. Crush beats the count after Fuji pours some water on his face.
Crush comes back with a kind of hot shot to send Savage to the floor, but Randy immediately comes back by sending Crush into the post. They fight into the crowd where Crush superkicks Savage’s head off. A piledriver doesn’t work on Savage so they fight into the back. Savage rams Crush into various metal objects and gets a pin, but instead of leaving he ties Crush’s feet up with a rope and hangs him upside down. It doesn’t quite work as Crush falls just after Savage leaves, but the clock was running the whole time and Savage wins.
Rating: C. Keeping in mind that this was 1994, this was pretty good. Sixty seconds was too long of an interval as it was too long before the guy was in danger. If they cut it doewn to about thirty, this would have been much better. Either way, not bad here and more proof that Savage was still a very valuable asset to Vince, but for whatever reason (not Stephanie), he was let go.
Fake Clinton says he’s a fan. I.R.S. congratulates him on raising taxes.
We see videos from Fan Fest, which was the forerunner to Axxess.
Savage celebrates with the fans. He also won a tournament for the world title at Wrestlemania IV.
Women’s Title: Lelani Kai vs. Alundra Blayze
Kai was at the first Wrestlemania if that tells you anything. Blayze is the new champion after the belt was resurrected for no apparent reason. Kai, a Hawaiian/something else hybrid, runs Blayze over but gets caught in a sunset flip a few seconds later for two. Lelani comes back with a chokebomb for no cover but a bad splash gets two.
The champ comes back with a hurricanrana before there was a name for such a thing in America. Either way it gets two and we head to the floor. That goes nowhere so Kai hits a butterfly suplex for two. Blayze comes back with some basic strikes and some hair drags for two each. Alundra hits her bridging German suplex to retain a few seconds later.
Rating: D. Was there a point to this? I didn’t think so either so let’s see what was stupid about it. First of all, the “division” had two regulars in it: Blayze and a Japanese monster named Bull Nakano. Based on that, it’s pretty clear why the division was done in just a few months, not to be mentioned again for about four years.
Roddy Piper sprayed a non-celebrity with a fire extinguisher at Mania V.
Tag Titles: Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers
The Quebecers are defending and have Johnny Polo with them. About a year later, Polo would become Raven. The Men on a Mission are Mabel (Viscera) and perhaps the most worthless wrestler that I can think of at the moment, Mo. They were purple and gold and rap with their manager Oscar. That’s about it. Before the match, here’s some big chested blonde talk show host for Shawn to hit on. Burt Reynolds, pretty clearly bombed, shows up to steal her. From what I’ve heard, Reynolds was the biggest jerk on the planet backstage at this show.
The Quebecers are the Mountie and another Canadian who dress like Mounties. True story: the Royal Canadian Mounted Police yelled at the WWF and said they had to have their song (it might have been just the Mountie actually. Not that it matters) changed to say “We’re NOT the Mounties” because the RCMP was worried about people believing they were real corrupt Mounties. Wait why am I spending this much space on this match?
Anyway the champions jump the Men before the bell but 500lb+ Mabel runs them oveand brings in Mo. Since Mo is the most worthless wrestler I can think of at this moment, he’s easily beaten down and not many people care. Mo is sent to the floor and Pierre backdrops Jacques over the top and onto the worthless one. Back in and a double hot shot gets two on Mo. This is going nowhere.
Mo comes back with a forward roll attack but the tag isn’t seen. Wait yes it is and Mabel cleans house. The champions try a double suplex on the fat man but hurt their backs in the process. They try it again and actually get it to work as Polo celebrates. Pierre hits the Cannonball (assisted Swanton Bomb) for two and Mabel starts firing back. The Men hit their double splash but there’s no referee. END THIS NONSENSE ALREADY! Mabel splashes Pierre on the floor….and it’s a countout.
Rating: F+. There was no structure, there was no flow, Mo is worthless, Mabel is fat and worthless, the ending sucked, and there was entirely too little Johnny Polo. Was there ANYTHING good about this match? Oh wait the suplex was good. To give you an idea of how bad Men on a Mission were, they accidentally won the titles at a house show around this time as Mabel was too fat to get up on a cover and Jacques couldn’t kick out.
Wrestlemania VI had the Ultimate Challenge.
We do the “celebrities” for the first title match. Basically it’s the aforementioned talk show host and a member of New Kids on the Block. Seriously, that’s it. There’s a guest referee though: Mr. Perfect. Now remember last year when Luger knocked out Mr. Perfect? Well there was never any retribution for that…..but I’m sure it won’t mean anything here right?
WWF World Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna
Yoko is defending of course and there’s also backstory to this. The idea here is that last 4th of July, Yokozuna held a bodyslam challenge on board the U.S.S. Intrepid. No one could slam him and the contest was closed, but a helicopter landed on the ship and out stepped Lex Luger. He hit a running forearm and slammed Yokozuna to get the biggest face turn in years. He then went around the country on a bus, begging for a title shot because he was MADE IN THE USA.
Anyway, he got the shot at Summerslam with the catch that it was his ONLY shot. Luger did indeed beat Yoko….by countout. Therefore he was frozen out of the title picture, unless he could win the Royal Rumble. We’ve already covered that though so here’s the first title match. Luger gets a bit intro with fireworks, but do you really think New York City is going to cheer him? Especially with BRET HART in the wings? You should know better than that.
Luger pounds away like any AMERICAN hero worth his (certainly not Japanese) salt. A big right hand sends Yoko out to the floor and there’s an ax handle to the back of the head. Luger busts out a freaking TOP ROPE CROSS BODY for two and a jumping elbow for the same. Since it’s early in the match, a slam completely fails and Yoko falls on top for two. Yoko rips a buckle pad off but we hit the nerve hold for a bit instead. Luger fights out of it but Yoko rams into him to stop any comeback.
Back to el nerve hold which has been running for about five minutes total now. Luger fights up but Fuji pulls the rope down to send him to the outside. Back in and BACK TO THE NERVE HOLD. After about 87 years Luger fights up and makes his comeback….only to be knocked down by a chop. Yoko tries to send Luger into Chekov’s buckle but gets sent into it himself of course.
Luger makes his REAL comeback and hits a clothesline to put Yoko down and there’s the “slam” (more like he picked up Yoko and dropped him). The forearm knocks Yoko out but Luger has to beat up Fuji and Cornette. Perfect won’t count so Luger shoves him…AND THAT’S A DQ! Holy screwjob! That’s clearly what the fans are chanting: screwjob, not some other word that starts with s and often comes after holy.
Rating: D+. It’s rare to see Luger as the star of a match but that’s certainly the case here. That nerve hold was RIDICULOUS as it was about 80% of the champion’s “offense”, although a case can be made that he was saving strength for later tonight which is understandable. This was a callback to something that most people didn’t remember, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fair game. Unfortunately Perfect would injure his back again after this and not be able to payoff this feud. Either way, Luger is officially a choker in the WWF and was done as a world title contender after this.
Luger and Perfect yell at each in the back.
At Wrestlemania VII, Savage and Liz reunited. The moment given here is the Blindfold match but screw that.
Here’s Harvey Wippleman to yell at Fink for having a stupid hairpiece. They get in a shoving match but Adam Bomb comes out to scare Fink. This brings out….EARTHQUAKE?
Adam Bomb vs. Earthquake
This is barely a match as Quake hits his powerslam and the Earthquake gets the pin in less than 40 seconds. This is what you call “being way over time and needing to hurry up.” I’m shocked Earthquake had a job at this point.
Cornette goes on a rant against Lex Luger and cats while also calling Todd Pettingill “Petting Zoo” before yelling about Bret Hart. Then he talks about fish and Bret starting a feeding frenzy of sharks. I could listen to Cornette ramble while still staying on point for HOURS.
The Wrestlemania VIII moment is the Undertaker. Seriously, that’s it. No mention of his match, whether he won or lost, his opponent, or anything shown other than a closeup of him walking to the ring. Just the Undertaker.
Ready for some more backstory? Back in 1993, Shawn Michaels was Intercontinental Champion but failed a drug test. To this day Shawn says he didn’t do it but that’s beside the point. We needed a new champion so Ramon won a battle royal and then a match to win the title. Shawn came back with the original belt and said he never lost, so he was still the champion. The solution? Put both belts on a ladder and let them climb up to pull them down in a classic match that might be the match of the decade.
Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon
Shawn has Diesel with him here. Diesel is told to leave but just doesn’t because that’s the kind of guy he is. Basic stuff to start with Shawn blocking a hip toss but getting chokeslammed instead. They hit the ropes to build some speed and Shawn hits a neckbreaker. Razor gets sent to the floor and there’s a clothesline from Diesel, earning him another ejection which actually works this time.
Anyway Shawn gets punched in the jaw and Razor takes over again. Shawn is knocked into the corner before a BIG clothesline puts him on the floor. Razor exposes the concrete but we head back inside before he can use it. The Razor’s Edge is loaded up but Shawn backdrops Ramon over the top and onto the concrete, possibly injuring an elbow. Shawn gets the ladder but Razor jacks his jaw to stop it. The ladder is slid inside but Shawn hits a baseball slide to knock it into Ramon’s ribs.
Back inside again and the ladder is rammed into Razor’s ribs both in the corner and on the mat. Shawn throws the ladder onto Razor’s back which looks SICK. He tosses it at Razor against the ropes and goes for a climb, only to have Razor pull Shawn’s tights down and give us a rather unpleasant (or pleasant depending on your preferences) view. Not that it matters as Shawn knocks him down and climbs again, this time hitting a pretty famous splash to crush Razor again.
Razor saves another climb by shoving the ladder over, sending Shawn onto the top rope. We get a camera shot from above the ring, showing both guys laid out on the mat. Cool shot. Back up and Michaels is whipped into the ladder in the corner, knocking him out to the floor. Razor rams the ladder into Shawn’s chest with his back against the post. If that’s not enough, Razor launches Shawn into the ladder against the apron to keep Michaels in agony.
Back in and Ramon BLASTS Shawn with the ladder to knock him to the outside again. Razor climbs up but Shawn dives off the top rope to knock him down. The ladder falls onto Shawn in the process to keep both guys on the mat. They both start to climb but the ladder is bent. Shawn is higher up but can’t hang in a slugout with Razor. Michaels gets punched down but the ladder gives way under Razor, sending him down.
Ramon climbs again but Shawn dropkicks the ladder which doesn’t topple over this time. In a smart move, Shawn pushes the ladder over onto Razor’s back to take control again. A big piledriver puts Razor down so Shawn goes to the corner. In another famous visual, Shawn rides the ladder down onto Razor, crushing him yet again. Since he’s a jerk though, Shawn puts the ladder over top of Razor, but Ramon gets up and knocks Shawn off the ladder. Michaels gets tangled in the ropes, allowing Razor to climb up to unify the titles.
Rating: A+. This is one of the matches that reignited the midcard scene after things had died down for a bit. It also paved the way for the insane style that would start to dominate about five years later. That being said, it’s still a freaking AWESOME match with some iconic spots such as the splash. It also started Shawn on the roll of a lifetime, as the next year he would be in the world title match at Wrestlemania then win the title the following year. This match is required viewing for fans.
I.R.S. and company argue in the back, so let’s just cancel a ten man tag. In other words, we’re running long and don’t have time. It happened on Raw the next night and no one remembers it.
Ted DiBiase tries to bribe Mr. President.
Wrestlemania IX’s moment is Fuji throwing salt in Bret’s eyes. We don’t see the pin for some reason though.
Videos on Bret and Yoko set up the main event.
Burt Reynolds is guest ring announcer and my goodness he makes Scott Hall look like a poster boy for AA. Oh and Jennie Garth from Beverly Hills 90210 is timekeeper. The guest referee: Roddy Piper (pause for the huge ovation) who may or may not hate Bret because of what happened at Mania 8. Nice touch.
WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna
Yoko is defending if you can’t tell. Burt is barely able to read lines off a card. Hart is STILL selling the leg from earlier, because that’s how awesome he is. Yoko jumps Bret to start and the fans are already fired up for this. Bret tries to fire back with some punches but Yoko stomps him down. Piper and Cornette get in an argument as Yoko blasts Hart. The splash misses though and Bret pounds away, only to hurt his head on a headbutt.
Hart actually manages to punch Yoko down and gets two off an ax handle to the back. The champion comes back with fat man offense and drops the big leg for two. A headbutt puts Bret on the floor but he gets back in at eight. Yoko misses a charge in the corner and there’s a bulldog out of the corner to put the big man down. That only gets two though, as does the middle rope elbow. Bret keeps limping and hits the Hart Attack clothesline for a delayed two.
The belly to belly puts Bret down but Yoko won’t cover for no apparent reason. Instead he loads up the Banzai Drop, only to fall victim to the powers of gravity. It knocks the wind out of the monster, allowing Hart to hook the leg for the pin and the title as the roof is blown off of Madison Square Garden for about the fifth time tonight.
Rating: B-. While it isn’t a classic, the fans were WAY into this and it’s a feel good moment to end the show. Bret was fighting a very different kind of match here rather than he did the previous year, as here he was taking it straight to Yoko instead of sticking and moving. Very solid match here all things considered and a great way to get the giant out of the title scene.
The locker room empties out to celebrate with Bret but Owen stands in the aisle and stares down his brother to end the show.
Overall Rating: A-. This is one of those shows where the bad stuff is bad, but on the other hand the good stuff is absolutely outstanding. With two of the best matches of all time on one show it’s easily one of if not the strongest Wrestlemanias from an in ring perspective. On top of that, the show had long lasting impact as the company focus shifted to the smaller sized guys and longer matches. This was an excellent show but some of the bad stuff can be fast forwarded.
Ratings Comparison
Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart
Original: A+
Redo: A+
Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink
Original: F
Redo: D
Randy Savage vs. Crush
Original: C+
Redo: C
Alundra Blayze vs. Lelani Kai
Original: D-
Redo: D
Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers
Original: F
Redo: F+
Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger
Original: F
Redo: D+
Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels
Original: A+
Redo: A+
Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna
Original: C+
Redo: B-
Overall Rating
Original: A
Redo: A-
I was a bit too nice to the middle part of the show last time.
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania IX: Please, Make It Quick
Wrestlemania IX Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,981
Commentators: Jim Ross, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan
We’re into the Monday Night Raw era as things are definitely shifting to a new generation. The main event tonight is Bret Hart defending the title against the new monster known as Yokozuna. Other than that we’ve got Beefcake/Hogan challenging Money Inc. for the tag titles in a match that sounds odd when I type it for some reason. Let’s get to it.
Gorilla Monsoon is host this year, which means we need a new commentator. We’ll get to that in a bit, but first of all let’s acknowledge the theme of the show: the World’s Largest Toga Party. Yeah that’s not going to get stupid at all.
Jim Ross debuts on WWF TV for the first time ever in a surprise jump from the other company. Granted it was about a year or so since JR was last seen but it was still surprising.
Cesar and Cleopatra are introduced to the crowd.
Randy Savage comes out on a sedan with the vestal virgins. Bobby Heenan is brought out riding a camel backwards, which he claims was supposed to be the sedan. Funny bit here.
Intercontinental Title: Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels
Shawn is defending of course and has the debuting Luna Vachon behind him. Tatanka is still undefeated here and would be so until much later in the year. Shawn’s former manager, Sensational Sherri, comes down the aisle to stare at Shawn and presumably be in Tatanka’s corner. Tatanka takes Shawn down a few times to start and they fight over arm control. Shawn comes back with a headlock and climbs the ropes to roll Tatanka down with it for two.
The champion tries it again but gets caught in a belly to back suplex for two this time instead. Shawn goes up again but dives into an armdrag as things pick up a bit. There’s a Flair Flip in the corner and a big chop puts Shawn on the floor. Sherri and Luna get in a staredown and Luna licks the ring post. More chops keep Michaels on the floor as the fans are getting into this.
Back in again and Shawn comes off the top with a semi-botched sunset flip for two but Tatanka comes right back with an atomic drop. A DDT puts Shawn down again and Tatanka works on Shawn’s apparently bad shoulder. Shawn tries a clothesline like an idiot and hurts his own arm again. We hit another armbar but Michaels fights up, only to charge shoulder first into the post.
Back to the armbar followed by a shoulder breaker for no cover by the challenger. A top rope chop to the shoulder has Shawn in even more trouble but a second attempt jumps into the superkick. Since it’s 1993 though that doesn’t end anything so Shawn sends Tatanka out to the floor. The girls get in another staredown but Shawn hits a running clothesline off the apron to take Tatanka out again.
Instead of following up, Shawn yells at Sherri. Since he’s Shawn Michaels though, he still maintains control with a neckbreaker for two. A standing dropkick gets two for Shawn and it’s off to a chinlock. That goes nowhere so Shawn hits a modified victory roll out of the corner for two. The shoulder seems to be fine now. Tatanka counters another victory roll attempt into an electric chair to put both guys down. A very delayed cover gets two for the challenger and it’s time to go on the warpath.
Shawn gets caught in a cross body for two and a slingshot sends him face first into the post for two. The crowd is WAY into this match now. Tatanka’s Papoose To Go (Samoan Drop) is countered into a rollup for two for Shawn but he walks into a powerslam for two. Shawn sends him out to the floor and the fans chant for Sherri. Michaels dives off the apron but slams his head into the steps, knocking himself silly and causing a countout win for the racial stereotype.
Rating: B. If Tatanks wins clean here, it’s a near classic. This was a VERY solid opener with the fans getting completely into the near falls. The shoulder injury being forgotten ten minutes into it hurt things though as I can’t stand a plot point being introduced and then left completely alone. Also Tatanka should have won but it still makes for a fine opener.
Luna lays out Sherri while Tatanka celebrates not winning the title.
The Steiners are ready for the Headshrinkers.
Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers
This should be solid stuff. The Shrinkers are Samu and Fatu (Rikishi) here. Historic moment: JR calls this match a slobberknocker, unleashing the term on the wrestling world. The Headshrinkers have Afa as their manager, which will be mentioned later. Scott and Fatu start things off and after being shoved by the Samoan, Scott easily takes him down by the legs. A big old Steiner Line flips Fatu inside out but the Headshrinkers take Scott into the corner to work him over.
The Steiners are sent to the floor so they both climb to the top and hit a double Steiner Line to take both Samoans out to the floor. We settle down to Scott vs. Fatu again but it’s quickly off to Rick. Apparently Luna has attacked Sherri at the first aid station. Samu pounds on Rick in the corner and hits a running clothesline, only to be taken down by a running forearm/clothesline. Samu goes face first into the post to absolutely no effect, because he’s Samoan you see.
Back to Scott but Afa gets on the apron for a distraction. Scott charges into a hot shot to send him out to the floor in a NASTY looking bump. Afa cracks his staff over Scott’s back which looked great and sounded even greater. Things settle down a bit and Fatu hits a backbreaker and middle rope headbutt for two on Scott. A spinning kick to the face takes Scott down again but Samu charges into a boot in the corner.
Fatu blocks the hot tag by knocking Scott to the floor where he gets sent face first into the post. In a sweet sequence, Scott tries to ram Fatu’s head into the mat but Fatu pops up and superkicks Scott right back down. A modified Demolition Decapitatior gets two on Scott and let’s hit that nerve hold. Scott fights up and they collide as is common in tag matches. Heenan keeps ripping on JR and Oklahoma as Ross has almost no idea what to make of this kind of sarcasm. That says a lot when he used to work with Jim Cornette.
Back to Samu who goes up top, only to miss a top rope splash. The hot tag brings in Rick but a double headbutt immediately puts him back down. Here’s your awesome spot of the match: Rick gets loaded up in a Doomsday Device position but when Samu dives at him with a cross body, Rick catches him in mid air and powerslams/belly to belly suplexes him off Fatu’s shoulders and down. AWESOME looking move and they hit it perfectly. Scott hits a belly to belly on Fatu but Samu hits a superkick to take him right back down. Out of NOWHERE Scott hits the Frankensteiner for the pin. Nice bump from a guy that big.
Rating: B. I liked this one as much as I liked the opener which is saying a lot. This probably should have kicked the show off as the spots were hitting better and the fans were popping a lot louder, but I can get why they went with a title match. I’m a Headshrinkers fan so seeing them hold their own against one of the best teams ever is a very fun sight. Good match here and that powerslam was great.
Strap yourselves in now people, because it’s ALL downhill from here.
We cut to the back where Doink has desecrated a statue of Julius Caesar. This is when Doink is still the evil clown which had a ton of potential, but they of course had to make him kid friendly because that’s how wrestling works. The idea here is that Doink has been using evil pranks on Crush, including beating him with a prosthetic arm.
Crush vs. Doink the Clown
This is during Crush-A-Mania when he was on the verge of getting the mega push to the stars which would never happen. Crush chases him around the ring to start and slams Doink on the floor before pounding Doink in the face a bit. Doink tries to punch back but Crush no sells everything. Back inside and Crush hits a neckbreaker for no cover. A neck snap over the top keeps Doink down as does a backbreaker. We’re three minutes in and it’s all Crush so far.
As Crush is hitting some Sheamus forearms on the apron, Doink hits a kind of Stunner on the top rope to take over. A few top rope forearms to the back of Crush’s head keeps us in clown control and a lame piledriver gets no cover. Doink actually slams him but goes up top and jumps into a boot to the jaw. A cross body attempt by the Clown doesn’t work as Crush hits a powerslam before clotheslining Doink to the floor.
Doink tries to crawl under the ring but gets hit with a gorilla press back in the ring. Crush puts on the head vice (finisher) but as Doink gets to the ropes, the referee is bumped. The vice goes on again but another Doink comes out from under the ring with the cast. He blasts Crush in the head with it and the original Doink gets the pin.
Rating: D+. This was basically a squash until Doink got in some not terrible offense. Again though, this was when Crush was about to get pushed to the moon, so he loses to Doink? The Clown character had a ton of potential, but instead of going with something interesting like the Joker, we got FUN Doink soon after this, because that’s interesting stuff right?
Japanese tourist jokes aren’t funny so here are a bunch of them.
Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund
This is right before Razor turned face and it’s clear why given how big the pop he gets here is. Backlund offers a handshake and gets a toothpick in the face instead. A LOUD Razor chant opens things up as Backlund is shoved into the corner. Ramon slams him down and stomps away as Savage brings up Lex Luger knocking Bret Hart out cold earlier today.
It comes up out of nowhere in the middle of this match because there’s no reason for this match to take place. Leave it to JR to bring it back to the match as Backlund makes his comeback. A butterfly suplex puts Razor down and there’s Backlund’s atomic drop. That gets no cover though, as Razor grabs a small package to pin the wrestler with a wrestling move.
Rating: D. This was a squash at a Wrestlemania in 1993. Razor would be turning face soon after this while Backlund did nothing at all for a LONG time until he went nuts and actually won the world title. Nothing to see here though and it was clear that the announcers didn’t care about the match at all.
We recap Money Inc. attacking Brutus Beefcake and injuring his face (again) on Raw. Hulk Hogan was watching and came back to save his little buddy. The champions (Money Inc.) says they’ll bankrupt Hogan and Beefcake. Oh and we hear about a black eye that Hogan has from working in the gym the previous night. I’ve heard a bunch of stories over that before, but the most common one I hear is Savage decking him in the eye because he thought Liz had cheated on him with Hogan. The other version (and possibly the real one) is that Hogan had an accident on a Jet-Ski.
Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs
Jimmy Hart is with the challengers because of how the champions hurt Beefcake. Hogan and Beefcake clear the ring while the music is still playing as the match begins. The champions stall on the floor for awhile until we get down to Beefcake (in a red/yellow mask) vs. I.R.S. The tax dude immediately goes for the face and it’s off to DiBiase for more of the same. DiBiase hits a middle rope ax handle to the mask and injures himself in the process. Ted continues to act way dumber than he is by ramming the mask into the buckle. So why did the punches work earlier?
Beefcake rams DiBiase’s head into the buckle instead and in the match we should have gotten five years ago, it’s Hogan vs. DiBiase. Ten punches in the corner put Ted down so Hogan pounds on the mat a bit. Off to Beefcake for a slam before it’s back to hogan for more punching. DiBiase ducks low and is immediately punched in the face again. I.R.S. comes in again and is punched by both Maniacs. All challengers so far.
The champions try to walk out but Finkus Maximus (remember the Roman theme) says that if they leave, they lose the titles. They get back in and the fans are chanting for Hogan. Ted goes for the throat to finally take over and I.R.S. chokes away a bit from the floor. More choking by DiBiase ensues before he cranks it up with the Million Dollar Dream. Savage: “They’re hanging from the rafter! Well they would if they had rafters. They have columns here and they’re hanging from them!”
I.R.S. tries to interfere for some reason but it allows Beefcake to come in with his own sleeper and put DiBiase out to break the hold and buy Hogan a breather. Hogan pops up and the double tag brings in Schyster to face Beefcake. An atomic drop puts Ted on the floor but the tax dude gets in a shot to Beefcake’s back to take over. Dibiase comes back in and rips the mask off of Brutus’ face so the champions can work over the face.
Beefcake comes back with a double clothesline out of nowhere but instead of tagging he puts I.R.S. in the sleeper. Ted breaks it up but the referee is bumped in the process. Hogan comes in like a hero and hits both guys with the steel mask but there’s no referee. What else do you do in this situation? You have Jimmy Hart turn his jacket inside out so it has white and black stripes and have him count then CELEBRATE LIKE YOU WON THE FREAKING BELTS. Another referee comes out to explain to Hogan how stupid he is and give Money Inc. the win by DQ.
Rating: D+. The match was ok at best but the ending is so dumb that I can barely comprehend it. I mean…..HOW STUPID CAN HOGAN POSSIBLY BE??? The guy has been around for nearly ten years and he thinks that would actually work? The match was just ok as it was mainly choking and punching for the first half, which is decent but nothing mind blowing. Then the ending sucked the life out of my brain which is normal for Hogan a lot of the time.
Lots of posing ensues but then the Maniacs open Money Inc.’s briefcase. They find tax forms, cash, and a brick. Heenan: “Well you never know when you’re gonna need a brick.” Hogan gives the money away and Heenan is suddenly a huge fan.
Todd Petingill finds Natalie Cole (singer I think) and the owner of Caesar’s Palace who are as riveting as you would expect.
Mr. Perfect says he’s going to solve the Lex Luger puzzle.
Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect
That sounds pretty awesome on paper. Anyway, Luger is the Narcissist at this point and comes out with some women in bikinis with thongs, sending Heenan through the roof. Well over the top of the columns at least. Perfect gets a very solid pop here but he would be used sparingly until he left in the fall. They trade headlocks to start and Luger bails to the corner. Now they trade hammerlocks and Luger bails to the ropes again.
Perfect hits a dropkick to send Luger to the outside as the crowd is staying hot. Back in and Luger starts using the power but Perfect blocks a big boot attempt. There’s the Robinsdale Crunch on Luger’s knee and Perfect cranks on it a bit for fun. We head to the corner for some LOUD chops but Lex whips him into the corner a few times to take over. We head to the floor with Luger ramming the injured back into the apron, followed by a backbreaker in the ring for two.
Perfect fights out of the corner with right hands but Luger scoops his legs and puts his own feet on the ropes for two. Mr. comes back with a nice sunset flip for two but a quick sleeper attempt is broken up. Back up and they slug it out a bit more with Perfect hitting a backdrop to take over. A slingshot sends Luger into the buckle and a forearm to the head gets two. Perfect hits a clothesline and neckbreaker for two each, as does a kind of missile dropkick. Luger wins the fight over a backslide and even though Perfect gets his feet in the ropes, Luger gets the pin anyway.
Rating: C. Decent match here but it never hit the level they were capable of. That ending was actually designed to set up something at the NEXT Wrestlemania which was unheard of at this point in time. Anyway, decent match here but it’s a disappointment due to how good this could and should have been.
Luger knocks him out post match and leaves. Perfect finally staggers after him and the fight starts again, until Shawn Michaels helps beat up Perfect.
Savage yells at Heenan for supporting Luger too much.
Gorilla Monsoon talks about the remaining matches.
Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker
Gonzalez is a legit 7’7 and is working for Harvey Wippleman for revenge on Undertaker after Undertaker got rid of Kamala. Taker comes out in a chariot and carrying a vulture. Undertaker literally only comes up to Gonzalez’s chest. Some uppercuts stagger the Giant but he grabs Taker by the throat to stop him cold. Taker climbs to the second rope and grabs Gonzalez by the throat, only to get hit low to stop him again.
Old School staggers the Giant a bit but he comes back with a clothesline to take over. Taker is thrown across the ring and we get a standing chinlock by the monster. The famous one fights up but gets thrown to the outside with ease. Taker is sent into the steps and we head back inside. Gonzalez pounds away a bit more but Taker slugs away, knocking Gonzalez down to one knee. Wippleman throws in a rag, which apparently the announcers can smell a chemical on from twenty feet away in an outdoor arena with over 15,000 people in it. Apparently it’s ether or something, earning Taker a DQ win.
Rating: D-. Gonzalez was AWFUL which really hurt things a lot. The main issue Undertaker had at this point was no one had any idea what to do with him. They just had him fight monsters for years on end which you can only watch for so long. This story would be reused about 12 years later with Undertaker playing Undertaker, Daivari playing Wippleman and Great Khali playing Gonzalez.
Referees check on the unconscious Undertaker as Gonzalez chokeslams a referee. The fans chant for Hogan but a gong goes off and Taker staggers out to beat up the monster.
We recap Jim Duggan being destroyed by Yokozuna. The fat man did the same to Bret Hart as well, setting up this match. In the back, Hogan says he wants the first title shot against either Hart of the Jap. His words, not mine.
Todd Pettingill continues to annoy fans.
WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna
Bret is defending against Yoko who won the Royal Rumble. It wasn’t an automatic title shot yet but starting the following year it would be. Bret hits a quick dropkick and pounds away but a single shot knocks the champion away. A big tackle runs Bret over and sends him to the outside but he trips Yoko up to take him down. Bret pounds away but it doesn’t do a lot of damage. Yoko wins a battle of the clotheslines and a big old legdrop crushes the champ’s face.
Off to a nerve hold for a bit but Bret gets his feet up in the corner to block a charge. A middle rope bulldog puts the monster down for two which is a victory in and of itself. Yoko superkicks Bret down and it’s right back to the nerve hold. Bret fights up and makes his comeback, finally knocking Yoko down with a middle rope clothesline. A buckle pad is ripped off somewhere in there and Bret rams him face first into it. Yoko falls on his stomach and Bret gets the Sharpshooter, only to have Fuji throw salt in the champ’s face. That’s actually enough for the pin and the title.
Rating: D+. Bret did what he could but there’s a limit to what you can get out of a big fat guy like this. The ending is pretty lame and the match lasted less than nine minutes. That just doesn’t fit for a Wrestlemania main event but thankfully the rematch the next year would get more time and would be MUCH better.
Hogan runs out to check out Hart, so Mr. Fuji issues a challenge to Hogan for a title match RIGHT NOW. Bret tells Hogan to go get him and the fight is on.
WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna
Fuji misses a salt through, clothesline, legdrop, new champion.
Hogan poses a lot to end the show. Yeah that’s how Wrestlemania ends: in 22 seconds.
Overall Rating: D. The opening matches are as good as you’ll find for two straight openers at Mania in a long time, but after that it’s ALL downhill. The ending here was just stupid. First off, pride or whatever, WHY WOULD YOU GIVE A FRESH HULK HOGAN A WORLD TITLE SHOT AFTER YOU JUST WON THE BELT??? On top of that, we had some stupid endings with the tag title match and the Undertaker match, making this even worse. The problem with this show is other than the openers, it isn’t entertaining. I’ve never liked this show and most people don’t either, which is easy to understand.
Ratings Comparison
Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels
Original: B+
Redo: B
Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers
Original: B+
Redo: B
Doink the Clown vs. Crush
Original: D
Redo: D+
Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund
Original: C-
Redo: D
Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs
Original: C+
Redo: D+
Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect
Original: C-
Redo: C
Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez
Original: F+
Redo: D-
Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart
Original: D+
Redo: D+
Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Overall Rating
Original: F+
Redo: D
I actually liked it better this time. Man alive I must have been in a bad mood for the first one.
Thunder Date: October 14, 1999
Location: Riverside Centroplex, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Attendance: 4,941
Commentators: Kevin Nash, Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko
Now we’re getting close to the end of an era for WCW, and there’s something special on this show. From what I understand, Kevin Nash is on his last night as the booker and is going to be sitting in on commentary tonight. This could range anywhere from absolutely hilarious to the biggest disaster since…..well probably since Fall Brawl actually. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
At least the show is live tonight so it only mostly sucks instead of completely sucking.
Tenay and Zbyszko don’t have an explanation for why Nash is there. His justification: he’s booked himself into a retirement angle so WCW is putting him in the booth to recoup some of his money. He hasn’t seen Hall since Hall left with two girls for sushi on Monday. Oh yeah this is going to be REALLY good.
Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker vs. Jim Duggan
During the entrances, the announcers aren’t sure if Goldberg vs. Sid is still on for Halloween Havoc. Normally the response would be “oh of course it is” but this is WCW so you never can tell. It’s a smart move to start this show with a former Mid-South star in Duggan. The fans chant USA as Duggan shoots at Parker with the board. That would be a different kind of shooting than Nash will likely be doing tonight. A right hand knocks Parker out to the floor and the brawl heads outside. Nash thinks Buddy should grab the board. That’s not a bad idea actually.
Parker stomps away and rakes the eyes back inside. He even avoids a charge in the corner and we hit the chinlock. Nash: “Use the board!” Duggan fights up with his wide variety of right hands, which thankfully are no longer taped. The three point clothesline and the Old Glory knee drop are enough for the pin. Nash: “Tenay where do you come up with the names for these names?”
Rating: D. I’m not sure what else you would expect out of this match. Parker was a jobber about ten years before this and is still at about the same level here. There wasn’t much to see, or unfortunately hear, in this one with the only funny line coming after the match with Nash asking where the Old Glory name came from.
Lash Leroux vs. Al Greene
Nash sings Al Green songs and brings up the two of them being old tag partners. More smart booking with Leroux in there, even though Nash shows a strange obsession with his sideburns. Lash punches out of a gorilla press and dances a bit before clotheslining Greene out to the floor. Tenay brings up Leroux challenging for the Cruiserweight Title at Halloween Havoc before Lash sends him into the buckle. Al catches him out of the air in a powerslam for two but Lash shrugs it off and hits Whiplash for the pin. Basically a squash and even Lash points at his sideburns. Oh they’re shaped like L’s. That’s…..well that’s something.
Video on the First Family vs. Harlem Heat. That’s something as well, but it’s something very, very bad.
Here are Luger and Elizabeth with something to say. Tenay announces Buff Bagwell vs. “The Package” next week like he’s announcing the main event of Starrcade. Luger talks about being in this business for thirteen years and thinks it’s ridiculous that they have to come to a town like Baton Rouge. The fans will have to shut up if they want him to talk. Nash: “He’s so smarmy!”
Luger asks Elizabeth how many internet emails, cards…..and then he trails off to yell at the fans about how awesome he is. Luger blames the fans for the death of Lex Luger because his greatness won’t be appreciated until he’s gone. Nash: “Does he use the Old Glory torture rack?” No one sent him any cards while he was recovering from his biceps injury because the fans want to climb over him to get to the top.
Cue Buff Bagwell who says he tried to get in touch with Luger while he was on the shelf and Luger seems to have forgotten some of his friends. Speaking of friends, what has been going on with Luger and Sting? Bagwell followed the two of them down the roads and learned a lot from them, but now they’ve turned their backs on everyone. Luger thinks Bagwell should get on his hands and knees to thank him for everything he’s done for Bagwell over the years. Cue Rick Steiner (Nash: “Submarine attack!”) but, I kid you not, La Parka comes out to make the save. Nash thinks Luger is terrified of skeletons.
Video on Kidman seeming to have hooked up with Torrie, who has blown David Flair off. David hasn’t helped his case by getting beaten up by Hennig and Curly Bill.
Tenay asks Nash about the girls that sit with Hall and Nash. Nash sings about Torrie in response and asks where this week’s road report is.
Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus vs. Scott Armstrong/Steve Armstrong
Knobbs pounds Steve into the corner to start but walks into a nice dropkick. It’s off to Morrus (kind of a noteworthy person at the time this is being written. Five years from now, that likely won’t mean much) vs. Steve with the Armstrong getting dropped on his face out of a gorilla press. A double shoulder drops Steve as Nash brings up Bull Nakano as Morrus’ hairdresser.
Jimmy Hart’s distraction allows the First Family to get in some double teaming. Can we get a look at the second family? They have to be more interesting. Steve gets splashed in the corner a few times and Morrus stomps away again. He misses a top rope elbow though and Steve (who looks like a more muscular Lodi) makes the hot tag to Scott. Everything breaks down and Knobbs runs Scott over, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin.
Rating: D-. The Filthy Animals and the Revolution are busy fighting each other but these guys are getting a pay per view title shot and a feud with a top level team like Harlem Heat. That shows you the value of having friends in high places, which doesn’t mean anything good for the fans but it means great things for Knobbs.
Post match Knobbs says Harlem Heat are the “fruit booties” now, so here come the champs to clean house. Nash: “That’s Wesley Snipes! Nah it’s just Booker T.” Ray wants to fight the, and I quote, “Doughnut eating, milk drinking fruit booties” right now. I would ask what that means, but I don’t think I’m old enough to hear the explanation.
We recap Mysterio vs. Saturn, triggering the implosion of the Revolution. Tenay suggests renaming Shane to Chain Douglas. Actually I’ve heard worse ideas.
Now we get to the good stuff, as Nash has put together a video on Sid vs. Goldberg, complete with an over the top NFL Films style narration. Sid shouts about Goldberg not being able to touch him and how good it will feel at Halloween Havoc. Nash: “We don’t know that yet because we haven’t touched.”
We look at Goldberg beating up Horace but Nash stops doing commentary to celebrate making it onto the hard camera in the front row. Nash: “Goldberg! A force! A bald man…..with a tattoo…..who has only lost once……to Kevin Nash!” Tenay: “Did you ever work for NFL Films?” Nash: “Goldberg, standing in the tundra of Lambeau Field…..and here’s Sid. 6’10, 200….300….400…..no 597lbs of menacing steel!”
Larry is begging for Nash’s “water” as we see Steiner and Sid beating up Van Hammer. Nash points out that the referee, while bald, is in fact, not Goldberg. Nash wants to know why Rick Steiner is from Detroit but talks like a southern redneck. We jump ahead to the main event where Goldberg came out to fight Steiner and Sid. Nash: “Goldberg ponders the situation, looks from side to side, walks away, winks, and SOME TACKLE! WHAT DOES MONDAY BRING US???”
This was one of the funniest and most entertaining things I’ve ever seen on Thunder and I can’t imagine it being topped later on. Here’s the key to comedy, especially in wrestling: you can’t script it down to the letter. This was Nash riffing on a pretty basic recap package and being entertaining because Kevin Nash is a funny guy and can turn something simple into something funny. You can’t just hand someone a script and tell them to do comedy.
Imagine someone like Lance Storm trying to do this. It would bomb as he just doesn’t have that kind of personality and probably wouldn’t be able to make it funny. Great talkers can read the phone book and make if funny but if you have someone not geared towards comedy reading material that isn’t very funny, it’s usually going to fail miserably. This on the other hand was hilarious and something that a written recap doesn’t do justice.
Horace Hogan vs. Brian Adams
I don’t see this being as entertaining. Nash accuses Shane Douglas of dragging Saturn down as the announcers are already ignoring the match. Apparently Malenko and Benoit have taken a trip to Japan to perform. Well that might be better for them instead of getting beaten up by Sid and Steiner again. Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as Nash finally starts talking about the match. Horace fights back with a DDT and a low blow (Nash: “The Old Glory mule kick!”) and they head outside.
Nash thinks Luger is scared to come out here because of the skeletons on Adams’ pants and promises to put a package together on Luger for next week. Tenay: “Please not again.” I would say it has to be more entertaining than this match, but so would a bad toe infection. Horace scores with a backdrop but gets caught in a backbreaker. Nash gives us some trivia: this was originally a hair vs. hair match. With the fans dying in front of their eyes, Adams hits a horrible looking piledriver for the pin.
Rating: D-. You remember a few minutes ago when I talked about people needing to stick to what they’re good at? I’d advise Horace to stick to something other than wrestling as he really isn’t very talented in that field. This is the kind of match that gives Thunder a bad reputation. It was sloppy, ignored by the commentators and didn’t need to exist. Adams would be better suited as a bodyguard for some punk heel. Bad match if that wasn’t clear.
Video on Sting vs. Hogan.
Here’s Lash Leroux for a chat. Tenay: “He gets promo time as well!” Leroux says people didn’t take him seriously when he got here, but a Cajun knows how to add a little spice to things. All the Lash Lovers are here and they’ll be in Lash Vegas to see him take the title. Lash insists that he can dance but thankfully doesn’t demonstrate. Nash: “If you can dance and play the accordion in Louisiana, you’re going to get lucky tonight.” I’ve heard worse promos, though it was pretty much one note.
Berlyn vs. Brad Armstrong video. I really hope this winds up being revealed as a big rib.
After a commercial for WCW action figures, Nash wants to know why he’s doing a job in the ad. I’m sure 99% of the fans had no idea what he was talking about here but my goodness it’s making this easier to sit through.
Prince Iaukea vs. Berlyn
This would be the Column B to go with Nash’s Column A stuff. Tonight it’s Steiner/Luger vs. Bagwell/La Parka. Nash: “GET OUT! NO WAY!” That would again be Column B. Nash says it’s a result of half the roster being gone today so they had to book this on the fly. Tenay: “Welcome to this all shoot edition of Thunder.” Iaukea jumps over the referee and dropkicks Berlyn down before hitting a Thesz Press and right hands.
Berlyn gets in some cheap shots to take over as Nash talks about a variety wrestling show airing on TBS, hosted by himself and Hall. Saturday Night Titans? He needs to move on because he’s too old to bump at this point. Iaukea fights back but gets poked in the eye. Nash: “Little shortcutsky there. Oh wait he’s German. Achen-shortcutsken.” An Angle Slam is called a Samoan drop (Nash: “Old Glory Samoan drop”) and gets two for Iaukea but Berlyn grabs a quick suplex. The bodyguard gets in a cheap shot and Berlyn’s neckbreaker is good for the pin.
Rating: D. Kevin Nash is carrying this show on his back and I’m having a great time listening to him. The wrestling has ranged from bad to horrible but he’s made the matches fly by with these jokes here and there. Berlyn and Iaukea are nothing in the ring but the bodyguard continues to look like a potential star. Or at least a very tall one.
Video on Meng, which I believe is the same one from Monday. Ignore the WCW Hotline phone number, or at least the bottom half of it, appearing at the top of the video.
Luther Biggs vs. Meng
Oh Nash is going to have a field day here. Larry is scared of seeing the worst student if Biggs is the best. Nash compliments Meng’s hair. That’s certainly in his ballpark. He also wonders why you never see Meng and Barry White in the same place at the same time. Meng jumps him to start and the beating is on in the corner. Biggs’ offense has almost no effect and the Death Grip ends this quick.
Coach Stern tries to come in for a save but gets Death Gripped as well. Nash: “You should know you’re never going to win after a sweet video package like that.”
Perry Saturn vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.
Rematch from Monday when Shane Douglas interfered. Mysterio now has some cool rotating pyro. As the announcers talk about the Halloween Havoc card, Nash brings up Mean Gene’s Burgers. I have to find one of those places someday. Saturn takes him down and hammers away to start before Rey flips out of a German suplex attempt.
Rey gets launched face first onto the top turnbuckle but avoids a charge and hits the Bronco Buster. Oh sorry the Rough Rider. Nash: “The Old Glory Rough Rider!” Even Nash is cracking up at the running joke. Saturn suplexes Rey with ease with a t-bone and a big belly to belly. Nash: “That was a porterhouse!” Saturn cranks on the arm as Nash talks about the Old Glory Living Legend.
Back up and Rey dropkicks the knee out, only to get caught in an overhead belly to belly. Larry: “Old Glory suplex?” Nash correctly identifies a full nelson and Larry is stunned. A rollup gets two for Rey but he tries a headscissors out of the corner and gets dropped face first on the mat. Rey’s top rope hurricanrana is countered with a superbomb for two but his victory roll is enough for the pin out of nowhere.
Rating: C. The match was decent enough but Nash’s commentary actually gets distracting after a bit. It’s funny, but this was one of the only decent matches all night and I was too busy chuckling at Nash’s lines to get into it. Granted when you can make Tenay and Zbyszko entertaining, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.
Saturn pulls out a chain, lays out Mysterio and throws the referee to the floor. He adds in the Old Glory elbow drop and the Rings of Saturn for good measure.
Rick Steiner/Total Package vs. La Parka/Buff Bagwell
This has to be a rib from Nash. I mean, it HAS to be. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start with La Parka putting up a better fight against Steiner than almost anyone else has in months. His reward is a hard whip into the barricade but at least he tried. Steiner hammers away on the floor as Bagwell chokes Luger against the barricade. They get inside for the first time with Steiner nailing La Parka with the chair. Nash: “And the Old Glory choke on the outside!”
We settle down to Steiner vs. La Parka (which I believe is Spanish for “what the heck am I doing here?”) with Rick cranking on the arm. Off to Luger for a suplex for two but La Parka comes back with a middle rope dropkick. Steiner shoves La Parka into the corner for the tag to Bagwell as everything breaks down. La Parka gets in the way of a Blockbuster attempt, so Bagwell gives him the Blockbuster instead, allowing Steiner and Luger to stomp La Parka for…..the no contest to end the show.
Rating: F. Nash tried but was more subdued here and there was nothing he could do with this one. The ending didn’t make sense but I’m sure this is going to lead to something else next week. Now I never said it was going to make sense or be connected to what we saw here but I’m sure it’s going to lead somewhere.
Overall Rating: B. This show was a blast. I know Kevin Nash gets a lot of flack from fans, but he made this horrible show into something interesting and entertaining for two hours. That alone makes him into something better than most of the people on this show, who haven’t entertained me that much over the last few months. This is another show that barely matters as the writers are changing in the very near future, so at least it was a fun show to go out on.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
This one’s for you Memphis fans.If these four words don’t mean anything to you, you need to brush up on your history: Tupelo Concession Stand Brawl.
Ok so this one needs some backstory. We have Bill Dundee and Lawler teaming up against Larry Latham (Moondog Spot) and Wayne Ferris (Honky Tonk Man), collectively known as the Blond Bombers. The Bombers cheated like CRAZY to win the Tag Team Titles. The show looked like it was ending but as they faded to black you heard Russell saying stay with this because there’s a big brawl going on. The brawl went down to the concession stand, and this is what followed.
You’ve seen brawling before. You’ve probably seen brawls way better than this. However, you have to remember that this was June 15, 1979, about three and a half years before Hogan beat Iron Sheik and changed wrestling forever. The wrestlers back then were much closer to the fans, especially in a territory like Memphis. It was real to these fans and they really believed that Lawler and Dundee wanted to kill the Bombers. The other thing was that Lawler and Dundee could do just that, so the ensuing chaos was all the better.
The key difference between this brawl and others: it was believable. This wasn’t something that you saw every day (first time ever for the most part) and EVERYONE talked about it. It saved the territory and worked because it was treated as a huge deal. This is something you’ll still hear about from time to time and you’ll occasionally see tributes to it even today. This is incredibly historic stuff and possibly the most famous moment in southern wrestling.
I’m going to spare you the details on the brawl because it’s one where words don’t do it justice. Reading what happens makes it sound like a comedy sequence, but this was completely serious, especially to the fans in the house that night. Check this out and see where a lot of the future hardcore matches got their inspiration.
Impact Wrestling – March 6, 2015: Stop. Before It Gets Bad.
Impact Wrestling Date: March 6, 2015
Location: Manchester Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Taz
Coming out of last week, we seem to not have a #1 contender. Lashley successfully defended the title against MVP, though the match featured a lot of interference. Other than that we have the continuing stories of Mr. Anderson/Spud/Mandrews vs. Tyrus/EC3, which has gone from a comedy feud to one of the more entertaining feuds in the company. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s main event with the Beat Down Clan getting close to taking the World Title from Lashley but Gunner and Drew Galloway made things even enough for Lashley to retain the belt.
Tonight it’s Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young for the #1 contendership.
Here’s the Beat Down Clan to get things going. Kenny King doesn’t want this Drew Galloway situation to get any further out of control. Drew is known as the Chosen One, but he choose to interfere in BDC business. I thought he was known as rhythm guitarist for some band with three guys. So now, it’s time for the BDC to choose what part of Drew they’re going to hurt.
MVP says this is Beat Down Clan business that was a year in the making. He arrived just over a year ago to become the World Champion but Drew got in the way. MVP is reasonable though and is willing to let Drew come out here and apologize. Galloway shows up in the crowd and says he’s at home right now. He came to the ring last week to stop MVP from stealing the title. He’s surrounded by wrestling fans, not sports entertainment fans.
Drew is here to give the fans a voice and asks some fans their names. Those are the people the BDC is screwing with and that isn’t going to fly. King says they demand retribution and threatens Galloway’s family if he doesn’t get in the ring tonight. Drew wants King one on one so King agrees to send his brothers to the back.
Drew Galloway vs. Kenny King
Both guys are in street clothes. King enziguris him down and MVP comes in for a few stomps. That’s not a DQ due to reasons not explained but Galloway comes back with knees in the corner and a snap suplex. King bails to the floor but Drew is fine with beating him up outside as well. He drops King over the barricade but King gets in some shots to the ribs to take over. A tilt-a-whirl slam onto the apron has King in even more trouble as this has barely been a match so far.
Back in and King drops him ribs first over the ropes and we hit the chinlock. An overhead belly to belly gets two for Kenny but Drew gets all fired up. He gets two off a top rope clothesline but King breaks up the Future Shock (snap double arm DDT). They need to go home already because this is getting bad. King hits a quick springboard Blockbuster for two more and frustration is setting in. He loads up a backslide of all things but gets countered into the Future Shock to give Galloway the pin at 6:25.
Rating: D. I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were just trading spots for a few minutes with no flow or structure to the match. Galloway is talented in the ring but having a big guy as the hero is always kind of awkward, especially when he’s in there against someone not very big. Not a good debut but at least Galloway won.
The BDC chases Drew off post match.
Here’s Roode to talk about the three way tonight. He promises to take out Young and get the title shot in one match. No one can stand in his way, but here’s Angle to disagree. He comes down to the ring but Eric Young sneaks in to go after Roode. Angle pulls him off and gets in a fight with Young, only to have Roode clear the ring.
Video on Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell for the Knockouts Title later tonight.
James Storm talks to Bram about joining the Revolution and asks him to take out Matt Hardy later tonight. Bram seems intrigued.
Before we go to a break, we get a video on the winner of tonight’s triple threat facing Lashley for the title in two weeks. They say his name over and over, show his picture, and show him winning the triple threat. I’ll avoid spoilers, but my goodness TNA, cut this nonsense out.
Video on Kurt Angle.
Matt Hardy vs. Bram
The bell never rings before they start fighting in the corner. Matt avoids a charge and hits the clothesline and running bulldog, followed by a second clothesline to send Bram outside. The brawling favors Bram of course and he takes over by driving Matt into the apron. Back in and some right hands set up a chinlock. Matt fights up and scores with a Side Effect, followed by a moonsault to the legs for two. Bram shoves the referee away though, setting up a low blow and the Brighter Side of Suffering (inverted DDT) for the pin at 4:15.
Rating: D+. Just a quick brawl here but Bram joining the Revolution could be interesting. That being said, they need to actually do something with the team before it gets stale by just sitting there. This wasn’t much of a match though and I’m not wild on another DDT finisher from someone out of the UK.
Bram gets his wrench but Magnus runs down for the save. When Bram left him laying in an alley, Magnus had two choices: go home and hide, or be the kind of man that his son could be proud of. It’s personal now, and Magnus is going to make Bram’s blood stain the holy ground of England.
Spud promises Anderson that he’ll finish things with Ethan Carter III tonight.
Galloway says he’s tired of the Beat Down Clan dominating the show and he isn’t going to stand for it. He has an army in his corner and it begins tonight.
Recap of Spud vs. Carter.
Here’s Spud in a Union Jack flag to thank the fans for getting him through all these problems. Everything has to end though, so he’d like Ethan Carter III to come out here right now, face to face. That’s exactly what he gets with Carter in a suit of his own. Spud wants to end this man against man but Carter goes into his usual speech about his accomplishments.
That’s not what Spud wants to hear though as he tells Carter to shut up. Of course Spud knows everything about Ethan’s career because he was there with Carter every step of the way. If that’s so important to him, fight Spud one on one so he can end Carter’s streak. Carter agrees, provided that Spud puts up his hair. Spud agrees, but thinks Carter’s hair should be on the line too.
Ethan bends down to look Spud in the eye and says challenge accepted, but just remember one thing: in this world, the bad guys win. Carter goes to leave but Spud brings up all the times Carter told him he was a lion or a gazelle. Well he isn’t any of those things, because he’s a man. As usual, this is the best feud TNA has had in months if not years. I can’t believe I’m saying it but my goodness it’s awesome.
Eric Young video.
Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell
Taryn is defending and goes right at Kong, only to bounce off the monster and hit the mat. Kong keeps pounding away and slams the champ down, only to miss a charge in the corner. Some right hands stun Kong for a few moments but the Taryn Cutter is shrugged off. The second attempt goes just as well but Kong shoves the referee away for the DQ at 4:15.
Rating: D. This was angle advancement instead of a match and that’s fine. They were clearly setting up the big showdown later on, but this protected Kong at the same time. The problem with someone like Kong is you have to either give her the title or beat her and end her credibility. It’s hard to grade this as a match though as it was basically a squash until the storyline ending.
Taryn gets beaten up post match but Gail Kim runs out for the save.
Video on Davey Richards turning down the Revolution’s offer to join, setting up a rivalry between the teams.
Bobby Roode video.
Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Abyss/James Storm
The Wolves are challenging but get jumped by the rest of the Revolution during their entrance. We get the opening bell and everyone brawls in the ring with the Wolves sending Storm into Abyss and making the monster DDT his leader. I really, really hate that spot. Things settle down to Abyss hammering Richards down but missing a splash. Manik pulls Edwards down to the floor to break up the hot tag though and it’s off to Storm.
The Revolution tries to double team but Richards crawls between Storm’s legs for the hot tag to Edwards. Eddie starts cleaning house but eats a Backstabber and the Eye of the Storm for two. Cue Matt Hardy to stare at the rest of the Revolution, allowing Eddie to grab an O’Connor Roll for two. Storm grabs a jumping neckbreaker and tags in Abyss, only to have him get sent to the floor.
The Wolves hit three straight double dives to take out everyone not named Storm but Edwards kicks him down. Manik and Sanada sneak in but Sanada mists Manik by mistakes. Abyss tries to bring in the cowbell but Matt comes in with a Twist of Fate, setting up the top rope stomps from the Wolves (dubbed the Hammer of the Gods) for the pin at 8:15.
Rating: C-. Good night this was a mess and I was losing track of everything by the end. TNA really needs to cut down on the mass carnage and interference in their matches because this isn’t making things any better. The Wolves winning is fine, but three things: who do they defend against, what is the point of the Revolution at this point, and HOW BLIND IS THE REFEREE??? You had all that interference, a cowbell and MIST but he never calls a DQ? Really?
Post break, Matt endorses the new champs.
Spud vs. Carter in the hair vs. hair match is next week in London. Magnus vs. Bram as well.
Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode
One fall to a finish and the winner gets a title shot in two weeks. More on that later. For the third of five matches tonight, we have a brawl before the bell with Roode and Young beating each other up on the floor. Roode sends Young into the aisle before coming back in for a suplex from Angle. Eric gets back in and tries to German suplex Roode but Bobby grabs the referee. Instead it’s a neckbreaker to put Roode down as Angle is sent to the floor.
Young stays in control but gets small packaged for two, only to take Roode’s head off with a clothesline. A superplex on Roode is turned into a Tower of Doom with Angle powerbombing both guys down. Angle rolls a ridiculous ten Germans on Young but Roode counters the Angle Slam into the crossforehead. That’s countered into the ankle lock (probably because it wasn’t pulling back on Angle) but Roode rolls through into a crosseyes.
Young makes the save but takes the spinebuster from Roode, who gets Angle Slammed for two. There go the straps and Angle puts Young in the ankle lock but Eric makes the ropes. Angle rolls through the Roode Bomb into another ankle lock, only to have Roode roll through and bump the referee. Young hits Roode in the head with a chair, only to have Angle kick him down and hit the Slam on Roode for the title shot at 8:41.
Rating: C-. There were some major issues with this match. First and foremost was Eric Young, because he sucks. He makes things that shouldn’t possibly suck suck. Like an air pump that blows air into things. Eric Young could make it suck. You put Eric Young’s face on the New England Patriots’ jerseys? They suck.
Eric Young is appearing at a frat house and giving away free beer? The frat boys would go to church and drink orange juice instead because Eric Young sucks. Eric Young sucks. He sucks on trains, he sucks on cars, he probably sucks on orange flavored popsicles. Why would he do that? Because orange flavored popsicles suck, just like Eric Young.
So yeah, Eric Young sucks. Other than that though, this match needed to go longer to live up to the hype this match had been given in the show. It’s another short match that didn’t have the time to get anywhere because TNA has to pack everything they can into a single show and fit in all their promos that don’t advance anything.
There’s one last thing that held this match back though: TNA spoiled the ending. Yeah, earlier in the night there was a preview for the March 20 show. Here’s a paraphrased version of the audio. “KURT ANGLE has battled back to the top of TNA (with a clip of Angle pinning Roode) and is now the top contender to the World Title. On March 20, Angle will challenge TNA World Champion Bobby Lashley. Don’t miss this huge clash.”
So all that drama that they could squeeze in to the less than nine minutes they could give this match? Totally worthless, as they had given away the ending already. They did this a few weeks back when Lashley was in Lethal Lockdown. This is something they REALLY need to work on. You could easily have switched the audio to “WHO WON???” and the problem is solved. But it’s TNA, where the most basic things are difficult but having an entertaining show is becoming more common.
Lashley comes out for a staredown to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This show was the end of the run of really good shows but it was still good. Here’s the thing TNA still has over Raw at the moment: they set stuff up, give it a good build, then mostly deliver on it (after spoiling it half the time). WWE is the opposite as they have a bad build but the payoff is usually good. They need to slow things down though and let some of the matches stretch out. That’s making the shows feel like Attitude Era episodes: they go by so fast that I can’t tell if it was good or not.
The other major issue here is the lack of a focus. So Galloway is now feuding with the entire BDC, the Revolution is….I think feuding with the Hardys and Wolves, Bram might be joining the Revolution and is feuding with Magnus, and we’re getting Roode vs. Young again because they’ve been feuding so now they keep feuding? There’s good stuff in TNA right now, but they feel like they’re holding things together with some strong duct tape. That’s only going to last so long and this episode showed some cracks.
Results
Drew Galloway b. Kenny King – Future Shock
Bram b. Matt Hardy – Brighter Side of Suffering
Taryn Terrell b. Awesome Kong via DQ when Kong shoved the referee
Wolves b. Abyss/James Storm – Hammer of the Gods to Abyss
Kurt Angle b. Bobby Roode and Eric Young – Angle Slam to Roode
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
So I watched the latest episode of Countdown (great way to kill forty five minutes to an hour) and the topic was International Sensations. Then this happened.Here’s their top ten. Remember that these are voted on by the fans, though I believe there’s a list of options provided.
10. Cesaro
Not exactly a huge resume but some of his displays of strength are amazing. This is fine.
9. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers
They have a great theme song, but they never even won the Tag Team Titles. I’ll give them this though: they did translate the French in All America Boys, which turns out to be insulting America. That’s amusing but this should have been an honorable mention.
8. Santino Marella
And we’re done. Santino is a comedy character (if you call that comedy of course) and not exactly the most interesting guy in the world. Yeah he’s a popular guy now, but ten biggest international stars ever? Ok fine. We’ll get to the bad stuff in a bit.
7. Nikolai Volkoff
This would be part of the bad. Volkoff is a name and nothing more. Other than winning the Tag Team Titles a few times with Iron Sheik, he never did anything people remember. Oh wait scratch that. He lost. A lot. Like, A LOT.
6. British Bulldog
No issue here.
5. Great Khali
Eh……..I’m not sure on this one. Yeah he won a World Title and is a huge star in India, but fifth best ever? That’s a stretch.
4. Rusev
Maybe in five years, but this meant we could look at Lana more so I could live with it.
Now let’s pause for a second here and consider the names we have left:
Bret Hart
Bruno Sammartino
Chris Jericho
Andre the Giant
Rey Mysterio. What? They mentioned him at the beginning of the show, and remember he’s from that far off nation of San Diego.
Trish Stratus
Bad News Barrett. If the Fabulous Rougeaus can be on the list, why can’t Barrett?
I’m sure I’m forgetting some people, but that’s quite a list to pick three from.
3. Bruno Sammartino
You hold the World Title for eleven years and you’re not even in the top two? There are only two names that could possibly top him from a star power standpoint.
2. Sheamus
This isn’t one of them. I’m a big Sheamus fan and have been for years, but second ever? Alberto Del Rio has won more world titles than Sheamus and he can’t even make the top ten?
1. Iron Sheik
Did Iron Sheik wrestle a classic and win the World Title in two different matches at a great Wrestlemania? Ever headline the biggest show of all time? Ever BEAT HULK HOGAN FOR THE WORLD TITLE? Actually no, as he lost that match after holding the title for all of a month. He isn’t even Ivan Koloff but he’s the #1 international star of all time? I’m done.
This one actually made my head shake and that’s not supposed to happen on a show like Countdown. I’ve clearly failed as an educator to the masses.
Bill DeMott Resigns As NXT Head Trainer
Well, it’s over.There isn’t much to say on this one as this story popped up and was done in less than a week. From what it seems, DeMott, who denies all allegations, was described as abusive, overly angry and pretty much a psychotic who treated his students horribly. It’s probably a good thing that he resigned as it could have gotten a lot worse before it got better. DeMott had been around for a long time so it’s kind of a big deal that he’s leaving. This story was one of the biggest things going on this week but it came and went so quickly that it barely had time to get interesting.
There’s no need for this kind of behavior from a coach or anyone in WWE. I have no problem with a coach being tough and stretching guys. However, there’s a big difference between making someone work and making them put themselves in unnecessary danger or shouting ethnic, racial or homophobic slurs at them. That’s abusing your students who might be scared to stand up for themselves. If someone isn’t doing something right and needs to be yelled at then that’s one thing, but this came off as someone abusing his authority and not seeing the line he crossed a mile back. That doesn’t need to happen no matter what.
As a side note, do you all want me to post more news stories like this? I’ll never post a bunch of low level stuff like “here’s an interview with someone where they don’t say anything interesting”, but for bigger stories like this one? I’ve been thinking about doing that for a long time now but I’m not sure how well it would go over. Any thoughts?
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania VIII: A Forgotten Masterpiece
Wrestlemania VIII Date: April 5, 1992
Location: Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 62,167
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan
We’re into another huge stadium here and the interesting thing is that Hogan, while in the final match, isn’t in the title scene at all. We’ve got a double main event here of Hogan vs. Sid in Hogan’s “retirement” match and the still pretty new Flair defending the world title against Randy Savage in a match built not only around the title but also Liz, which we’ll get into later. Let’s get to it.
The opening video talks about how it’s a double main event. They’re not really going for the epic feeling here it seems.
Reba McIntyre sings the national anthem.
Tito Santana vs. Shawn Michaels
Tito is El Matador now and Shawn is freshly heel. Bobby says Reba is Tito’s sister: Arriba McIntyre. Say it out loud and you’ll get the joke. After taking forever to get Sherri to the floor, Tito gets a fast two off a cross body. They head to the mat for a headlock on Shawn which doesn’t last long. Michaels avoids a punch to the face but gets clotheslined out to the floor instead.
Back to the chinlock which doesn’t go anywhere this time either, so Shawn takes over in the corner. That also goes nowhere so Santana punches him in the face and takes it right back to the mat. Shawn finally comes back and pounds away even more, this time sending Tito out to the floor. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn and we hit the chinlock again, this time by the future world champion. Santana fights up but walks into the superkick for no cover.
The Backdrop Suplex (Shawn’s old finisher) is countered and there’s the flying forearm to send Shawn to the floor. Back in and a slingshot forearm puts Shawn down again as does a big atomic drop. Tito’s forearm to the back of the head sends Shawn to the outside again, only to have Sherri trip Tito up on a suplex attempt to give Michaels the pin.
Rating: C. This was ok but it was a lot of kicking and chinlocks for an opening match. Tito was good for giving you a guaranteed decent performance out there, so putting him against Shawn was a good move for the most part. The match wasn’t great or anything but it did a decent job at what it was supposed to do.
Gene is on the old school interview platform and calls out the Legion of Doom. With them however is their former manager Paul Ellering complete with the rolled up Wall Street Journal. Ellering talks about bringing the LOD together before talking about how this is the beginning of the end. They want the tag titles back but would never get them again. Hawk says they were a runaway train, but now look who’s driving it. They don’t care who the champions are, because they’re coming for the gold.
Jake Roberts says there’s no truth to the rumor of him bringing a snake to the ring. We get a clip of Jake slamming Taker’s hand in a coffin and laying out a helpless Paul Bearer.
Jake Roberts vs. Undertaker
A right hand to the face has no effect on Taker so Jake pounds away so more. Heenan is already freaking out about how Taker can’t be hurt as is his custom. Jake knocks him to the floor but Undertaker lands on his feet. Roberts is pulled to the floor as well and rammed into the post to give the dead man control. Heenan cracks jokes and says he thinks he has two brilliant minds. Gorilla: “I’m in big trouble.”
As Heenan talks about Bearer earning the Urn, Taker chokes away in the corner and pounds on Jake for a bit. An elbow drop keeps Jake down and there’s the jumping clothesline for good measure. Out of NOWHERE, Jake hits the DDT to put Taker down but he sits up a few seconds later and grabs Jake by the throat. A second DDT puts Taker down again but Jake goes after Bearer instead. There’s the sit up and Undertaker follows Jake outside, hitting a tombstone on the FLOOR to end Jake and make Undertaker 2-0.
Rating: C-. The problem with these early Wrestlemania matches for Undertaker is that they didn’t have a ton of story or drama to them. Jake was in his last match for the company here before he went to WCW for a cup of coffee, so he didn’t seem to be giving it his all out there. The kicking out of the DDTs was impressive as was the Tombstone, but that’s about it.
Piper and Bret are facing each other later tonight and Piper talks about growing up near the Hart Family. Some jokes are cracked and Bret doesn’t take too kindly to it. Things get testy when Bret wants the IC Title back. This is much more of a match of respect than hatred.
Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. Bret Hart
Piper is defending. There’s a story here actually: Bret was “sick” and lost the title to Mountie, only to have Piper win it about a day and a half later. This is Bret’s rematch. Heenan: “How would you handle Piper if you were Bret?” Gorilla: “I would use my speed advantage. You?” Heenan: “Waffle him with a tire iron.” Bret takes him down to start and Piper spits in his face, basically becoming the heel of the match early on.
They trade arm holds to start but Piper can’t escape Bret’s non-evil clutches. Once he finally frees himself, it’s a dropkick to put Roddy down instead. Bret might have hurt his shoulder in the process, but of course he’s goldbricking, which gives him a two count via a small package. Piper slaps him in the face so Bret cross bodies both guys to the outside. Back in and Piper gets in a cheap shot which apparently busts Bret open. This was a big deal actually as Bret claimed it was a legit cut but in reality he bladed and lied to prevent punishment and still make it look good. Smart guy that Hitman.
Roddy pounds away for awhile and is reverting to his old style far more than he has in years. Bret comes back with a sunset flip for two and the mat is getting bloody in a hurry. Piper punches him down for two but Bret comes back with a forearm to send the champion to the outside. Back in and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Piper’s head lands on Bret’s ribs which should be a count but the referee sits up instead. Roddy goes up but Bret is goldbricking again, allowing him to slam Piper face first into the mat.
A suplex gets two for Hart and it’s time for the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM. Piper blocks the Sharpshooter though, so Bret settles for the middle rope elbow. Roddy blocks that too though with a boot to the face and they slug it out again. There goes the referee and Piper clotheslines Bret to the outside. As they come back in, Roddy grabs the ring bell to complete the heel turn. He lifts it up to crush Bret, only to stop himself and put on a sleeper instead. That proves to be his downfall though as Bret climbs up the corner and falls back on Piper for the pin and the title.
Rating: B+. This might be Piper’s best matches ever but even rarer is seeing him pinned in the WWF. Piper was VERY protective of his character, meaning that he was very rarely pinned. The match was great here and wound up being Piper’s last match in the company for several years. Really good stuff here as Bret is on the verge of shooting up the card to the world title in the fall.
Piper puts the title on Hart after thinking about clocking him with the belt.
We hear from WBF Bodybuilding Pro Lex Luger. He wouldn’t have a major appearance again until January of 1993. Again, who thought bodybuilding on PPV was a good idea? That would be Mr. XFL, Vince McMahon.
The Mountie, the Nasty Boys and the Repo Man laugh evily.
Duggan, Slaughter, Virgil and Boss Man respond with nothing of note to say.
Jim Duggan/Sgt. Slaughter/Virgil/Big Boss Man vs. Nasty Boys/Moutnie/Repo Man
Just a collection of lower midcard guys getting a Wrestlemania payday here. Neither team gets an entrance. Instead, Ray Combs of Family Feud is guest ring announcer for this and cracks a few jokes about the heels pre-match. The good guys clean house to start and hit a quadruple clothesline to clear the ring. Heenan announces that Shawn Michaels has left the building. Gorilla sums up our responses: “WHO CARES???”
Anyway Duggan and Sags start things off and it’s Jim hitting a few clotheslines to take over. Off to Slaughter who gets poked in the eye, allowing for the tag to Knobs. Slaughter pounds away to take over before it’s off to Boss Man for a boot to the face. Brian avoids a charge into the corner and Boss Man’s splash misses Repo Man as well, giving the heels control for a bit. Repo crotches himself and Boss Man slugs him down for good measure.
Off to Virgil who seems to mess up almost anything where he jumps into the air. Duggan tries to come in to save his partner but it’s back to Sags to beat on Virgil even more. A pumphandle slam gets two on Virgil and it’s back to Mountie. Everything breaks down and in the melee the Nastys are rammed together, allowing Virgil to steal the pin.
Rating: D. As I said, this was nothing more than a way to throw a bunch of guys onto the show at the same time. This was a much better idea than having four matches eat up a few minutes each as it accomplishes the same goal here. They were out there as filler before the world title match and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.
Flair and Perfect smile over having a large centerfold of Miss Elizabeth. I can’t imagine how teasing this angle was for thirteen year old boys. They say Savage is losing tonight and that Liz is leaving with Flair.
Savage won’t give any interviews.
To recap the world title match, Flair claims that he had a relationship with Liz before she was married to Savage, so tonight Savage is out for revenge and the title. Flair had some doctored photos and that’s about it, so it was more about humiliation than anything else. It’s a great angle and would still work perfectly to this day if done right.
WWF World Title: Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage
There’s no Liz in sight to start and Savage comes to the ring last. Oh and Mr. Perfect is in Flair’s corner which will come into play later. Flair tries to walk up the aisle so Savage decks him from behind. Perfect makes a save by throwing Randy down as things are looking chaotic already. They get into the ring and Savage starts fast with some shots into the corner and punches down onto Flair’s head.
Heenan is at his most biased ever and his voice is almost cracking already. A clothesline puts Flair down and a back elbow gets two. Flair comes back with a big backdrop to put Savage out on the floor as the champion takes over. Flair rams Savage’s back into the apron and takes over with a few suplexes including a belly to back for two. Heenan wants to see the pictures and I can’t say I blame him.
A big chop puts Savage down for two and we head to the floor. Savage has his back rammed into the apron again and Flair suplexes him back into the ring for two more. Randy comes back with a single right hand and the place ERUPTS. A swinging neckbreaker puts Flair down but he pokes Savage in the eye to take him down. The champ goes up top, only to jump into a clothesline from Savage. Savage whips him into the corner and we get a Flair Flip to the apron where Ric runs up top, only to jump into another clothesline for two.
Savage hits his third clothesline in a roll to send Flair out to the floor. A top rope ax handle sends Flair into the barricade followed by a shot into the post. Flair is busted open and there’s the Flair Flop on the floor. A suplex puts Flair down on the floor again as Heenan is begging for the match to be stopped. Back in and Savage pounds away before hitting a top rope ax handle for two.
The top rope elbow hits but Perfect breaks up the pin. Thankfully the referee doesn’t call for the bell as Perfect throws something to Ric. The referee is bumped but it’s not that bad. A shot to the face with the object puts Randy down but it only gets two. The fans are losing their minds on these kickouts. Flair pounds away and is pulled away by the referee, allowing Perfect to blast him in the knee with a chair.
This brings out Liz who marches through some suits (one of which being worn by Shane McMahon) as Flair works over the leg. The knee crusher sets up the Figure Four (complete with interference from Perfect). Heenan: “SHOW ME THE PICTURES!” Randy turns the hold over but Flair breaks it quickly. Savage’s leg is done but he grabs a two count off a small package. Flair says this is for Liz as he stomps on the knee even more. He grabs Savage’s leg but Savage gets in a quick right hand and rolls Flair up (with a handful of trunks) for the pin and the title.
Rating: A. If you ever want a match based on the good guy overcoming insurmountable odds, this is pretty high up on the list. Savage came back from EVERYTHING and while Liz was there, she wasn’t a major factor at all. The match is a masterpiece with both guys looking great. Savage was in a career resurgence, despite being world champion only three years earlier. Anyway, great match here and it still holds up very well today.
Post match Flair tries to kiss Liz, triggering another brawl. Perfect helps take Savage down and lets Flair pound away for a bit. Referees finally break it up and Savage is announced as the new champion to a big roar.
Flair, Perfect and Heenan go on a huge rant against Savage with Flair saying that Savage is going to be lying about being champion and lying about having the love of Liz. They tell Savage to do it again and claim that Savage was a cheater which won’t work again.
Savage gives a rebuttal, saying that he’s going to go after Flair no matter where or when it is. He hands Liz the title and says that it’s hers. As for Flair, Savage is for him and it’s going to continue. I love these two promos and they still work very well.
We recap the Wrestlemania VII press conference where Hogan was announced as the #1 contender. Sid wasn’t happy but joined Hogan in a tag match on SNME. However he turned on Hogan and left him alone against Undertaker and Flair. Sid then destroyed Beefcake’s Barber Shop set and wound up with a bunch of shampoo on his face in an unintentionally hilarious scene. We also get a montage of Sid beating up jobbers and Virgil.
Rick Martel makes a stupid joke about Tatanka scalping tickets.
Rick Martel vs. Tatanka
There are Indians at ringside chanting for Tatanka. This is about two months after Tatanka debuted on TV so you should be able to figure out what’s going to happen pretty quickly here. Tatanka start off hot as Heenan explaining that Flair did nothing wrong. Gorilla shouts that Heenan is a liar, so Heenan challenges him to a fight. Martel makes a quick comeback and sends Tatanka out to the floor. Back in and Bobby makes Indian jokes as Martel stomps away a bit more. Rick goes up and gets crotched, allowing Tatanka to pound away even more. Out of nowhere a cross body pins Martel.
Rating: D+. The match was ok but it was nothing more than a way to give the fans a breather. Like I said, no one knew Tatanka at this point due to how little time he had been on TV. Martel was in total jobber to the stars territory by this point and would be gone pretty soon. Nothing to remember here at all.
Money Inc. isn’t worried about the Natural Disasters because they’ve stolen the Disasters’ manager in the form of Jimmy Hart.
The Disasters say they’re ready and are after the titles and Jimmy Hart.
Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters
Money Inc. is defending and is comprised of Ted DiBiase and I.R.S. DiBiase and Earthquake start things off with the heels (Money Inc.) getting beaten down and the rich man being knocked to the floor. Off to Typhoon vs. I.R.S. For osme arm work by the big guy. Typhoon misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to DiBiase….who is immediately beaten down as well. Typhoon misses a splash against the ropes and falls over the top and out to the floor.
I.R.S. cranks on a front facelock for a bit as Ted hits an ax handle off the middle rope for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this match is DRAGGING. Everything breaks down and the challengers take over. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and there’s the big splash from Typhoon. Jimmy Hart pulls Irwin out to break up the Earthquake splash and the champions walk out to retain the titles.
Rating: D-. I have no idea what the point of this was. The match wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t good, and the match didn’t accomplish anything. I’m guessing this was supposed to be filler between the other matches, but we already had one of those and that’s what we’re about to get next. Nothing to see here at all.
Brutus Beefcake supports Hogan.
Owen Hart vs. Skinner
Skinner catches him with the tobacco juice to the face to start and hits a shoulder breaker for no cover. Skinner’s reverse DDT gets two but Owen gets tired of selling and rolls him up for the pin. This was about a minute long.
Gene is with Sid and the tall man calls him a fat bald headed oaf. Sid guarantees this is Hogan’s last match, which triggers an interview with Hogan where he says he isn’t sure if he’s retiring or not. Sid doesn’t care.
Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice
With the music still playing, Sid jumps Hogan but Hulk pounds back and knocks Sid to the apron. The music is still playing and Hogan hits a forearm to the chest and a clothesline to put Sid on the floor. AWESOME opening sequence here and it still works really well. Back in and they stare each other down but Hogan knocks Sid right back out to the floor. Back in again and Sid wants a test of strength.
Sid puts Hogan down but Hulk makes the big comeback to the delight of the crowd. Justice gets knocked into the corner but Sid’s manager Harvey Wippleman (totally unneeded here) distracts Hulk, allowing a chokeslam to put him down. Hulk gets knocked to the floor and hit with Wippleman’s bag, setting up a nerve hold by Sid.
Hogan fights up, only to get put right back down in a side slam. The powerbomb gets two and it’s Hulk Up time. Sid eats a few buckles and it’s big boot, slam, legdrop….TWO? This is assumed to be a screwjob by Sid but in reality, the scheduled run-in by someone we’ll name in a second was late so Sid had to kick out. Anyway there’s the DQ by Wippleman to end things.
Rating: D. Well that sucked. It’s about twelve minutes long and went nowhere at all due to the majority of the match being spent in a nerve hold. Well maybe not the majority but far longer than it should have been. Anyway, this was nothing of note and saving Sid was stupid due to him being gone in a few weeks due to failing a drug test. Nothing to see here, until after the match.
Post match, Papa Shango of all people (the guy who missed his cue) runs out and beats down Hogan along with Sid until the Ultimate Warrior makes a legitimately shocking return for the save. A lot of posing ends the show.
Overall Rating: B-. You have two classics, a huge shocking return, and some other decent stuff in there. What else do you want from a Wrestlemania, especially in 1992. Good stuff here as the Hogan era is definitely coming to a close. He would somehow get another world title the next year and the main event here sucked, but things were moving beyond him and it was clear that things would survive. Good stuff here.
Ratings Comparison
Shawn Michaels vs. Tito Santana
Original: B-
Redo: C
Undertaker vs. Jake Roberts
Original: D+
Redo: C-
Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper
Original: A
Redo: B+
Big Boss Man/Virgil/Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Repo Man/Nasty Boys/Mountie
Original: F
Redo: D
Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair
Original: A+
Redo: A
Tatanka vs. Rick Martel
Original: D
Redo: D+
Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc.
Original: D-
Redo: D-
Owen Hart vs. Skinner
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Sid Justice vs. Hulk Hogan
Original: D
Redo: D
Overall Rating
Original: B-
Redo: B-
It’s the same overall despite some of the main stuff being different. That’s interesting.
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania VII: Warrior Is Good….Twice?
Wrestlemania VII Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon
Oh boy has a lot of stuff changed here. First of all, Jesse is gone from the company and is being replaced by a revolving door of replacements. Other than that we’ve got Sgt. Slaughter as an anti-American world champion who needs a REAL AMERICAN to save the title for the country. There’s also a retirement match here between Randy Savage and Ultimate Warrior, which might actually be better than Warrior’s title win last year. Oh and there’s this big guy in black that is making his Wrestlemania debut tonight. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about Hogan saving AMERICA, which is what the entire show is about. I believe the subtitle of this show is Stars and Stripes Forever, so if you can’t figure out what the ending is going to be, I can’t help you. Keep in mind that this was inspired by the Gulf War….which was already over but who cares about technicalities like that?
Willie Nelson sings America the Beautiful.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan is dressed like a drunk Uncle Sam and comes out for commentary for the opening match since Heenan is managing. He gives his thoughts on the main matches too.
The Rockers say they’ll beat the Heenan Family.
Haku/Barbarian vs. Rockers
Shawn and Haku get us going with Michaels trying to speed things up, only to be slammed into the corner. The second attempt at flying around works a bit better as a dropkick puts Haku down. The Rockers do some of their double teaming stuff but Barbie takes them down with a big double clothesline. Shawn and Marty double superkick him down though and the Heenan Family has to regroup a bit.
We get down to Marty vs. Barbarian again and speed takes over one more time. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Jannetty but Barbarian punches the mat. A rana takes Barbarian down and Marty pounds away for two. Off to Haku and a double headbutt puts Marty down again. Jannetty loads up another rana but the foreigners hit a double hot shot onto the top rope to really take over this time.
A gorilla press plants Jannetty and it’s time for more heel double teaming. Marty comes back with something like a cross body for two but the speed continues to get beaten down. By speed I mean the drug of the day for Jannetty of course. Back to Barbarian for a bearhug followed by a powerslam so wicked that the fans pop for it. The falling headbutt misses though and it’s hot tag time to Shawn. Things really do speed up now but Shawn gets kicked in the face to slow him down. That goes nowhere for the villains though and it’s a Michaels cross body off the top for the pin on Haku.
Rating: B. Just a fast paced tag team match here with power vs. speed. This is one of those formulas that works no matter how many times you do it as long as you have talented guys in there. The future Faces of Fear were fine as monsters for the Rockers to conquer and it set a good pace for the show here. Solid opening match.
Gene is with Marla Maples (not really famous), Alex Trebek and Regis Philbin, our celebrities for tonight. Regis is scared of Earthquake, Trebek tries to make Jeopardy jokes, and Marla is still not famous. Apparently she was married to Donald Trump. Ok then.
Dino Bravo vs. Texas Tornado
Von Erich popped into the company around Summerslam, won the IC Title from Perfect, lost it and was immediately a jobber to the stars until he went back to Texas. It’s a fast brawl to start but Bravo avoids the claw. Heenan is on commentary now. Von Erich runs into a boot in the corner and Dino takes over for a bit. The side suplex puts Tornado down for two and that’s about it for Bravo. A few seconds later it’s Claw and Tornado Punch for the pin on Bravo.
Rating: D. Nothing at all to see here and it’s a match that easily could have been cut. This was Bravo’s last televised match before he left the company for good a year or so later. Afterwords he would soon be murdered in an illegal cigarette smuggling operation in Canada. Now there’s a story that you can’t make up.
Warlord and Slick are ready for Davey Boy.
Bulldog talks to Winston (his new dog) and says there’s no bull in this bulldog.
Davey Boy Smith vs. Warlord
This is about whether or not Davey can break the full nelson. We start with our standard power stuff as they ram into each other a few times, only to have Bulldog knock Warlord out to the floor. A crucifix doesn’t work for Bulldog so Warlord drops some elbows for no cover. We hit the bearhug but Bulldog punches out, only to get caught in a hot shot to keep him on the mat.
A BIG belly to belly (kind of) puts Bulldog down but again Warlord won’t cover. We hit the chinlock until Bulldog fights up and hits a dropkick to send Warlord into the corner. Punches in said corner can’t drop Warlord but a cross body is finally enough to get him off his feet. Warlord counters a piledriver but Bulldog counters the counter into a sunset flip for two. Bulldog misses a charge into the corner and Warlord hooks the full nelson. It looks like all hope is lost but the fingers aren’t locked. Bulldog finally flips out of it and hooks the powerslam out of nowhere for the win.
Rating: C+. This would be filed under the category of “shocking the world” as it was actually a pretty solid match. Bulldog would get a lot better all of a sudden while Warlord would fall further down the card than he already was. This was way better than I was expecting and it turned into a pretty decent power match.
Jimmy Hart and hits Nasty Boys are ready to take the tag titles from the Harts.
The Harts say good luck cracking the Foundation.
Tag Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys
The Nastys got got hot in WCW in 1990, weren’t signed to contracts, and debuted in the WWF in late 1990/early 1991. They won a tag team battle royal for this shot they’re getting here. Jerry and Bret start things off and it’s a quick Thesz Press to take Sags down. Brian gets knocked off the apron by the Hitman and Sags gets tripped down to the mat. No Sharpshooter yet though as Bret stomps the midsection instead.
Off to Anvil who starts powering Knobs around and pounds away in the corner. After being knocked to the floor, Brian comes right back in and is immediately caught in an armbar. The Nastys double team Neidhart in their corner to FINALLY take over, but a mat slam is enough to let Neidhart tag Bret back in. Hart tries to fight off both of the Boys, only to get decked from behind by Knobs.
Bret is sent out to the floor where he may have hurt his knee. Back inside Jerry whips him into the corner as we hit the heat section of the match. Sags hooks a reverse chinlock before Knobs comes in to do exactly the same. Back to Jerry for a neckbreaker for two and Brian breaks up a hot tag attempt. Hart breaks up a reverse chinlock by Knobs and now it’s Jerry to break up another hot tag.
Brian misses a splash in the corner and Bret makes the tag but, say it with me, the referee doesn’t see it. We get heel miscommunication and NOW we get a tag to Anvil. Jim cleans house and hits a quick powerslam for two on Knobs as everything breaks down. Jimmy Hart gets decked by Bret and there’s a Hart Attack for Knobs. The referee tries to get Bret out and Sags decks Bret with Jimmy’s helmet, giving the Nastys the titles.
Rating: B-. Another solid tag match here as the division was getting very hot all of a sudden. The Harts would quietly split up after this with Bret moving into the IC Title picture soon thereafter. The Nastys would hold the titles over the summer before dropping them to the monsters known as the LOD at Summerslam.
Jimmy Hart’s near panic attack over winning the belts is hilarious stuff.
We recap Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel. Back in October, Roberts and Martel were on the Brother Love Show where Martel tried to spray his cologne on Damien’s bag, only to hit Jake’s eyes by mistake. Jake was basically blind for a few months, leading to the following blindfold match. These have never been good in the history of wrestling and I don’t expect it to be here.
Jake says snakes always do it better in the dark.
Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel
In short, they’re both in hoods and neither guy can see. So the match starts and both guys point across the ring while trying to find where the other is. Martel gets down on the mat and crawls around, only to give us some stupid comedy spots with both guys tripping over the other. Rick tries a backdrop but Jake runs off to the side, showing that he can clearly see if you’re thinking about this.
They miss each other in the corner a few times until Martel finally grabs him for a slam, only to miss an elbow drop. Martel gets the referee in the corner, only to realize he’s grabbing a shirt. Jake uses the crowd for help by pointing and listening to the crowd cheer as he points at Martel. This continues on for awhile until Martel nearly grabs the snake bag.
The announcers continue a running joke where they can’t hear each other which isn’t funny. Jake gets knocked to the floor so Martel follows. He grabs a chair and pokes around with it but only hits the post. Back in and Martel takes Jake down and hooks the Boston Crab, only to have it broken quickly. Roberts grabs the DDT a second later for the pin.
Rating: F. This wasn’t wrestling. It was a stupid idea with both guys wandering around and making no contact for about seven and a half minutes before both guys hit their finishers. Thankfully this feud was done after this as I don’t think the fans could stand any more of it. Oh and on top of that, Martel didn’t cheat once by looking under the mask. Nice heel work there.
The Nasty Boys celebrate in the back and disgust Marla Maples.
Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker
For those of you reading this now, we’re currently at 20-0 and it all begins here. Taker slugs him around and rams Snuka head first into the corner a few times. The big jumping clothesline takes Snuka down and there’s a quick smother by Taker. Jimmy charges into a knee in the corner and gets slammed down, only for an elbow drop to miss. Snuka chops away but misses a dive and falls to the floor. The Tombstone ends this a few seconds later.
Rating: D+. The match is just a squash but it’s far more historic than anything else. Undertaker would go on to become the true Mr. Wrestlemania, never losing a single match in the entirety of his career there up to the point this is being written (2013). Snuka would fade from view soon after this.
We recap Savage vs. Warrior. Savage attacked then WWF Champion Ultimate Warrior on Saturday Night’s Main Event because he wanted a title match. Queen Sherri then got on her knees in front of Warrior at the Rumble, only to be turned down again. Savage cost Warrior the title later in the night, setting up a career ending match here tonight.
Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage
Before the match, Heenan spots Miss Elizabeth sitting in the crowd. Warrior only walks to the ring with a coat on instead of his usual sprint to the ring. His trunks have the WWF Title belt on the back with the words “Means much more than this”. The fans HATE Savage here while Warrior gets some great pops. They lock up to start with Warrior easily shoving Randy down a few times. A shoulder does nothing for Savage so he heads to the outside.
Back in and a clothesline puts Savage down and there’s an overhand choke. An atomic drop has Savage in trouble again and there’s a big atomic drop for good measure. Sherri tries to interfere and is immediately knocked to the outside again. Savage gets tied up in the ropes and Warrior pounds away as this is completely one sided so far. Savage finally comes back with a clothesline but he dives off the top into a slam position, but Warrior puts him down on his feet with no slam. Now THAT is a mind game.
Macho King goes to the floor and grabs a chair which is nothing more than a distraction so that he can jump Warrior. That goes as well as anything else has for him so far with Warrior pounding away at Savage’s head. Warrior stomps away in the corner as Heenan says you couldn’t sneak a midget into the building. Savage falls out of the corner to avoid a charge, sending Warrior out to the floor. Sherri adds a slap to the face and there’s the top rope ax handle.
Warrior gets posted and Sherri gets in a few more shots for good measure. We’re told that this is the largest PPV audience in the history of pay per view. Since there’s no way to know that for months, I don’t think this is the case. Warrior absorbs some slams and pops up to stare Savage down. A Sherri distraction doesn’t work at all and Warrior runs the ropes, only to be slammed face first down into the mat for two.
We hit the chinlock/sleeper for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Sherri tries to interfere again but the referee is taken down in the process. AGAIN the Queen interferes but accidentally takes Savage out by mistake. Warrior goes after her but gets caught in a rollup for two. Heenan is panicking over this stuff. Savage clotheslines him down and hits the flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, followed by a flying elbow, which gets a two count in total. To say Savage is in shock is the understatement of the year.
Warrior starts shaking the ropes and hits the war path around the ring before clotheslining Savage half to death. The gorilla press and splash only get two and Warrior talks to his hands, asking if it’s time for him to step aside. With Warrior on the apron, Savage decks him down to the floor as the crowd continues to be on the edges of their seats.
Savage loads up the ax handle to the barricade but Warrior hits him coming down, sending Randy crashing into the barricade. Back in and Savage can barely stand so Warrior hits two tackles to send Savage out to the floor both times. A third hits and Savage is DONE. Warrior puts his foot on the chest to end Savage’s career.
Rating: A. After watching both this and Wrestlemania 6 in about three days, there is zero question as to which is the better match. This was a pair of titans colliding and one man clearly was better. That’s one of the formulas that never fails if worked even mostly right and they NAILED IT here. This is by far and away Warrior’s best match ever, but the best part is yet to come.
Post match Sherri gets in the ring and beats the tar out of Savage who is defenseless and can’t see who it is. Elizabeth shocks everyone by jumping the guardrail and throwing Sherri to the floor in the only time I can ever remember her getting physical. Savage gets up and is SHOCKED to see Liz, who hadn’t been seen in about a year. Liz says it was Sherri attacking Savage who has no idea what to do.
Liz holds out her arms and after a few moments, Savage hugs her to one of the biggest ovations you will ever hear. Savage puts Liz on his shoulder before the go to leave. As is their custom, Liz holds the ropes for him but Savage says not this time, and holds the ropes open for her. Savage gets to take a bow in the middle of the ring and the fans are thrilled. This is the only, repeat ONLY, moment in wrestling that legitimately brings a tear to my eye every time I watch it. I think that’s the case for a lot of fans.
Regis Philbin is measured for a coffin by Undertaker. Regis: “We’re dying out here.”
Demolition is with Alex Trebek who annoys them with stupid Jeopardy talk. It’s Smash and Crush at this point, managed by Mr. Fuji again.
Regis talks to Tenryu and Kitao who are here for one night only. They don’t speak English so we get some racially insensitive attempts at communication.
Jake Roberts and Damien torment Trebek a bit. This is why intermission getting cut out was a good idea.
Demolition vs. Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao
Now this is one of those out of nowhere matches. Demolition is on their very last toes of their very last legs here as they’ve even got Mr. Fuji again. Tenryu is a Japanese legend and Kitao is a big time sumo guy who became a pro and didn’t do much. Kitao and Crush start things off but everything breaks down quickly. Fuji whacks Kitao in the back and Demolition takes over again. Gorilla asks what it takes to become a grand champion of sumo. Brain: “Being able to eat 1100 bowls of rice in an hour with a single chopstick.”
Crush slams Kitao down and it’s off to Smash. Kitao finally comes out of the corner with a clothesline and it’s off to Tenryu. He speeds things up in a hurry but misses a top rope back elbow. Crush hits a backbreaker to put Tenryu down but Kitao breaks up the Decapitator. He breaks it up again and Tenryu hits a fast enziguri and powerbomb for the pin on Smash.
Rating: D+. Nothing to see here and I have no idea what the point of this match was. It’s the final match for Demolition and on top of that, THIS is how you use Tenryu, a legitimate Japanese legend? The match was less than five minutes long and this is the only time I know of that Tenryu appeared for the company in a regular match for nearly two years. My guess would be this is part of the working agreement with Tenryu’s SWS.
Boss Man says Heenan and his Family has nowhere else to hide tonight.
Mr. Perfect and Heenan say about what you would expect them to say about Big Boss Man.
Intercontinental Title: Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect
Perfect is defending. This is an interesting yet simple idea for a story: Heenan had insulted Boss Man’s mama so Boss Man swore revenge. He went after the Heenan Family and beat every single one of them until there was only Perfect left. Tonight is the final showdown. They spit at each other to start and Perfect slaps Boss Man like a schmuck. Boss Man hits him once to knock Perfect out to the floor and there’s a spin around BY THE HAIR. FREAKING OW MAN!
Boss Man speeds around the corner and hits a big clothesline to take Hennig down. Perfect gets tossed out to the floor and Boss Man is standing tall. Back in and Boss Man hits the running crotch attack to Perfect’s back and whips him with a belt for good measure. Perfect finally avoids a shot and takes Boss Man down with some kicks to the ribs. Off to a chinlock with a knee in the back followed by an abdominal stretch. There’s the Hennig neck snap for two and Mr. goes up, only to jump into a boot.
Perfect gets to do his reverse crotching into the post but as they go to the floor, Boss Man is whipped into the steps to take him down again. Since it was a Heenan distraction that caused the whip into the steps, here’s Andre the Giant to counter the weasel. Andre picks up the belt and takes way too long to get to his position, from which he whacks Perfect in the head to knock him out cold. Boss Man covers but Haku and Barbarian run in for the DQ.
Rating: C. This wasn’t great and I have no idea why they didn’t change the title. The story set it up to be a title change, but I guess they were hoping for something else besides this. What that was I have no idea as Boss Man would never come close to the title again. The match was decent enough all things considered though.
Boss Man and Andre clean house post match.
Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno and Henry Winkler are here. Yep, the Fonz showed up at Wrestlemania.
Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine
Valentine turned face a few months ago and this is his big match for the forces of good. We’re 20 seconds in and Valentine is getting powerslammed down for two. A splash misses in the corner and Valentine gets him down to one knee. Quake breaks the Figure Four twice, hits a big elbow and drops the Earthquake for the pin.
Rating: F+. Earthquake was pretty much done as a singles guy at this point but I’m assuming he got some shots at Hogan on house shows over the summer. Other than that though this was a filler match that didn’t need to be on the card at all. Nothing to see here but at least Quake looked dominant.
The LOD says Power and Glory will be sour and gory after the match.
Power and Glory vs. Legion of Doom
Hercules is sent to the floor and it’s a Doomsday Device to end Roma in less than a minute. They were clearly coming for the belts very soon.
We recap Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase. Basically Virgil spent years serving DiBiase and FINALLY snapped on him at the Royal Rumble, setting up this match tonight. Roddy Piper is Virgil’s mentor here too.
Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase
Virgil gets one of the three big pops of his entire career here, with the first being when he finally hit DiBiase with the belt. The other will be in less than ten minutes. Virgil pounds away to start and sends Ted out to the floor. Back in and Ted hits a clothesline but an elbow misses a second later. DiBiase, the wrestler, easily takes Virgil down and hits a suplex for two. Things are REALLY slow now compared to just a few moments before. We head to the floor for a bit with DiBiase shoving down Piper, who was on crutches at this point. DiBiase talks some trash so Piper pulls the top rope down but the distraction is enough for a countout.
Rating: D. This was all story but it really should have been Virgil pinning DiBiase, even on a rollup. These two would continue to feud with Virgil actually taking the Million Dollar Title at Summerslam 1991. The problem with Virgil was that after the DiBiase feud, there was nothing for him to do at all. The match was really dull and didn’t have the payoff it needed at the end.
DiBiase puts Virgil in the Million Dollar Dream post match but Piper hits him with the crutch to break it up. Queen Sherri comes out to help with a beatdown of Piper, as she is now managing DiBiase. Referees come out to break it up until Virgil makes the save. Virgil tells Piper to get up, as Piper had told him over the last few months.
We get a clip of Slaughter and General Adnan burning a Hogan t-shirt.
Slaughter threatens to get himself disqualified to keep the title. We get a clip of Slaughter beating up Hogan and Duggan as Slaughter laughs evily.
The Mountie vs. Tito Santana
Tito chases him around to start and beats him up a bit, only to get caught in the ribs with Mountie’s shock stick, ending this in less than 90 seconds.
Hogan gives his prematch interview, talking about how much he loves AMERICA and how he’s got new weapons. We get a clip of Slaughter and Adnan beating Hogan down but he promises to do it for his country.
Here are the celebrities: Regis is on commentary, Marla Maples is the timekeeper and Alex Trebek is ring announcer.
WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan
Hogan immediately chases Slaughter around the ring until Adnan is put on the floor. Feeling out process to start with both guys going into the corner. Hulk hooks a headlock to no avail but sends Slaughter backwards with a shoulder block. The champ hits one of the weakest chair shots you’ll ever see to Hogan’s back and pokes Hulk in the eye to finally take over. Hogan comes back with a clothesline and decks Adnan for fun too. A backdrop puts Slaughter down and Hulk sends him into the post.
Hogan hits a jumping knee to the back to send Slaughter into the corner and a slingshot sends Slaughter into the buckle again. Hogan gets in his ten punches in the corner for two but goes to the middle rope of all places, but Adnan breaks it up. Slaughter gets slammed down and Hulk drops a bunch of elbows. Now Hogan goes up top (!) but gets slammed to the mat and clotheslined to the floor. A better but still lame chair shot puts Hogan down again and it’s time to work on the back.
A backbreaker gets two for the champion and he stomps away on Hulk’s back. There’s a Boston Crab but Hulk is right next to the rope, making this pretty worthless. Another backbreaker gets two and it’s a third chair shot, this time to the head, gets two more. Hulk is cut over the eye. There’s Slaughter’s Camel Clutch but Hulk fights up, only to be rammed into the corner to send him right back down. Slaughter puts an Iraqi flag on Hogan and you know what’s coming now. A Hulk Up, big boot and leg drop later and AMERICA REIGNS AGAIN!
Rating: C. At the end of the day, if you didn’t know what was going to happen here then you’re either very young or have no idea how wrestling works. On top of the story, it’s Hogan in a match against a big man. What else could you possibly expect? Hogan winning is the 100% right decision and the match certainly isn’t bad. Slaughter was clearly a short term champion and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Decent stuff here and a feel good moment to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. Oddly enough, this wasn’t too bad. There’s some lame stuff but for the most part it’s very short with only Jake vs. Martel being both bad and longer than five minutes. Other than that you get a very fun opener, a masterpiece in the retirement match, a feel good main event and some other solid stuff. If you shave off about half an hour of this, which could easily be done by dropping about three matches, this show goes WAY up in value. Still though, it’s worth checking out if you haven’t seen it in a long time.